Ep.#426 - Boat Trip, with Alonso Duralde

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Boat Trip!

[0:03] In a fairly ill-thought-out Pride Month special!

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] I'm Elliott Galen.

[0:39] That was if I was a race car.

[0:45] And with us today, yet again, a returning, a favorite guest, Alonzo Duralde of Maximum

[0:53] Film on the MaxFun Network, other podcasts, but also the new book, Hollywood Pride.

[1:00] Alonzo, is there a subtitle to your book?

[1:02] Tell me.

[1:03] Oh God, there is, but it's so long I can never remember.

[1:07] A celebration of LGBTQ plus representation and perseverance in film.

[1:13] Oh, and we picked the perfect movie.

[1:17] And I'm here to make it okay for you guys to talk about.

[1:19] Thank you.

[1:20] In full disclosure, we were talking to Alonzo about being on, and he was like, what about

[1:24] Boat Trip?

[1:25] So we did not, we didn't bring this project together.

[1:28] Well, yeah, he gave us some possibles, and honestly, my thinking was like, okay, well

[1:33] some of these movies are bad, but have their heart in the right place, and I don't know

[1:37] if I want to make fun of that, let's make fun of something where I don't feel bad making

[1:41] fun of it.

[1:42] But then I'm like, but that means that we watch Boat Trip, which was a horrible experience.

[1:47] I made the same argument, and my wife was like, oh, you shouldn't be talking about that.

[1:51] But I feel like oftentimes, when you, like those who forget the past, yeah, exactly,

[1:57] are doomed to make Boat Trip 2.

[2:01] Let's do a bad gay movie that clearly had not one single gay person involved in any

[2:08] aspect of its production.

[2:11] It is very much, it is a very specific type of straight person's idea of what a gay world

[2:17] is like.

[2:18] Also, it feels like-

[2:19] But it means it sets it up for the prequel, Das Boot Trip, where it's about unspoken love

[2:24] between Nazis.

[2:25] I'm going to take it one step further, I feel like nobody involved has been on a cruise

[2:31] before.

[2:32] That's true.

[2:33] That's a cruise-specific critique.

[2:34] I was curious about that, because yeah, Stu and Dan, you have a lot of experience with

[2:38] cruises.

[2:39] Yeah, we're cruise masters.

[2:41] Yeah, you're really into cruising, and I was wondering-

[2:44] I mean, I've been.

[2:45] It's a double entendre.

[2:47] How did it, did it feel like this was true, true to your experience of what it's like

[2:50] to be on a cruise ship?

[2:52] I mean, total, every moment.

[2:54] My main objection, and we'll get to this in the movie, but they take so long to realize

[3:00] that they're on a gay cruise and not a cruise of wild heterosexual women that they can head

[3:06] on.

[3:07] And my experience of being on cruises, I've only been on two, it's not like I'm, but my

[3:12] experience is-

[3:13] Oh, all right.

[3:14] Dan just throws his money around willy-nilly at every cruise company that comes by his

[3:18] door.

[3:19] Not true.

[3:20] Drop an anchor in every port.

[3:21] Yeah, yeah.

[3:22] We got old Triangle of Sadness, Triangle of Dan-ness over here.

[3:25] I mean, which is the Triangle of Sadness, unfortunately, yeah.

[3:31] We know some travel agents who make it very affordable.

[3:33] Yeah, Huckleberry Travel.

[3:34] Shout out to Huckleberry Travel.

[3:35] Must be nice.

[3:36] Yeah, it is nice.

[3:37] Yeah, and Huckleberry Travel's a super LGBTQ-

[3:41] Let me get out.

[3:42] Okay.

[3:43] The goddamn point.

[3:44] Yeah, it's true, though.

[3:45] No, what I'm saying is they take so long to realize, and it's my experience that a cruise

[3:49] takes a long time to leave port.

[3:51] They have plenty of time to realize their mistake, pick up their luggage, disembark,

[3:57] be safely on the dock.

[4:00] Then there'd be no movie, and where would-

[4:03] No movie.

[4:04] Exactly.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:06] It's just like John Ford said when someone said in Stagecoach, how come the natives don't

[4:10] just shoot the horses of the stagecoach rather than chasing them, and he said, because then

[4:14] I don't have a movie if they do that.

[4:16] So Dan, if these characters had any intelligence whatsoever, or compassion for human beings,

[4:24] they would not have a film.

[4:25] Yeah, so-

[4:26] No, it's true.

[4:27] And we'll be using stagecoach as a touchstone throughout this episode, I'm sure.

[4:30] I feel like there's a lot of similarities.

[4:33] Much like Taxi Driver and Hardcore are both takes on The Searchers, Boat Trip is very

[4:39] much a take on Stagecoach.

[4:41] Yeah, so let's get into this-

[4:44] Much like Paul Schrader is working through his feelings about The Searchers, the director

[4:50] of this film, Mort Nathan, a former producer, a head writer for The Golden Girls, was working

[4:56] through his feelings about John Ford's other films with this film.

[4:58] Yes, well, I'm glad you interrupted me to say exactly what I was going to say, which

[5:02] was, yes, Mort Nathan-

[5:04] You don't sound glad at all.

[5:05] I'm sorry, I forgot that I'm Nostradamus, and I know I had to say what you're going

[5:08] to say at all moments.

[5:09] I mean, not interrupting me is also an option.

[5:11] I guess I didn't check my scrying glass to see what Dan was about to say.

[5:15] I'll do that next time.

[5:17] Linda Holmes is going to call us about this moment later.

[5:20] Co-writer and director Mort Nathan, yes, like you said, one of the co-producers and head

[5:25] writers of The Golden Girls, also less successfully than The Golden Girls, not than Boat Trip,

[5:32] maybe equally successful to Boat Trip, The Secret Dire of Desmond Pfeiffer, another notoriously

[5:39] ill-conceived-

[5:41] With its own share of dated, already at the time, gay people in it, too, yeah.

[5:47] And Mort Nathan is also the Nathan of Nathan's Hot Dogs, right?

[5:51] Yes.

[5:52] Yeah, and the brother of Mort Trucker.

[5:53] And he's the Mort from-

[5:54] Oh, me too.

[5:55] I guess that's how I do it.

[5:56] And he's the Mort the Dead Teenager that you saw in the comic.

[5:59] Nathan's Hot Dog jokes, actually, in this movie, but, you know, how you can come away

[6:04] with having worked on The Golden Girls for years and still know this little about gay

[6:08] people-

[6:09] Yeah.

[6:10] Boggles everything that I know about pop culture.

[6:13] There's part of me that wonders, like, did he leave The Golden Girls the same way that

[6:18] these guys leave that cruise, being like, what were we on?

[6:21] What happened?

[6:22] We had no idea.

[6:23] Dan, you should also mention, though, he did go to greater things.

[6:26] He did also direct Van Wilder, The Rise of Taj.

[6:29] Oh, thank God.

[6:30] Oh, shit.

[6:31] I was wondering about how Taj rose so high.

[6:34] Now you're going to find out.

[6:37] Let's get into this.

[6:38] What if it said it was Gene Wilder, The Rise of Taj, would that be a more interesting movie?

[6:42] Yes.

[6:43] I don't have any more to say about it, I'm confused.

[6:46] Yeah, what about Billy Wilder, National Lampoon's Billy Wilder, The Rise of Taj?

[6:49] What if it was National Lampoon's Gene Roddenberry, The Rise of Taj?

[6:53] I mean, yeah, that would be- how did they get involved?

[6:57] I don't understand.

[6:58] They're drifting far from shore in the same way a boat might.

[7:03] That time I didn't know what you were going to say, Dan.

[7:05] I didn't deliberately say it.

[7:08] This movie begins with some zany-

[7:11] Oh, should we also mention that we in no way endorse the activities of Cuba Goody Jr.

[7:15] and Horatio Sanz, two accused predators.

[7:18] I doubt that people would assume we would, but yeah, we'll stipulate that.

[7:25] But they are representing all heterosexuality in this movie, I just want to put that out there.

[7:29] Yeah, and I apologize for boat trip on behalf of heterosexuals.

[7:34] They were named official UN heterosexuality ambassadors.

[7:41] Yeah, we get some zany music, we get an early 2000s font, we get Cuba Goody Jr.

[7:46] It is like full-on cartoon music.

[7:48] Let's put a pin in this.

[7:49] We get James Brown's I Feel Good.

[7:52] Not yet, not yet.

[7:53] No?

[7:55] We get Cuba Goody Jr. proposing to someone.

[7:58] Oh, you're right.

[8:00] It's just his dog.

[8:02] But now we know that he wants to propose to someone.

[8:05] And then we get-

[8:07] And that he has a dog.

[8:08] I feel good.

[8:09] The fact that it comes back at the end of the movie even though we've forgotten it in the meantime.

[8:13] I mean, would you take a dog with you on a cruise? Probably not.

[8:16] No, but why bring the dog-

[8:19] Was it so important that the dog exists that we have to see him then again at the wedding at the end of the movie?

[8:25] They needed those cutaway shots because those are comedy gold.

[8:28] Yes.

[8:29] Everything's funnier when a dog is watching it.

[8:31] Just like in my book, Horse Meets Dog.

[8:33] Oh, wow.

[8:35] Sneaky little plug.

[8:36] Let me, guys, ask you a question.

[8:38] Sure.

[8:39] I've always found Cuba Goody Jr. to be an unappealing personality on film.

[8:46] Do you think that they were like, give him a dog?

[8:47] It'll make him seem that much more likable.

[8:49] Well, I think that's kind of the thing about his performance in this whole movie is that I'm like-

[8:55] I guess I remember him from Jerry Maguire.

[8:59] And I guess I remember him from the People vs. O.J. where he plays O.J.

[9:04] But like-

[9:06] And Snow Dogs.

[9:07] Does he-

[9:08] He acts like some kind of weird innocent in this movie where his brain doesn't quite work.

[9:13] He's like experiencing everything for the first time.

[9:17] But does he do that in every movie?

[9:19] Or is this like a facade that he has adopted because he's like, I don't- for this specific role.

[9:25] I don't know.

[9:26] Well, he's kind of the audience surrogate in Boys in the Hood, right?

[9:29] Yeah, that's true.

[9:31] But yeah, this one, it does seem like everything is all shiny and new and non-understandable to him.

[9:38] I think this is his idea of what like a nice guy is like.

[9:43] He's supposed to be the nice guy.

[9:44] And Frasier Sands is supposed to be the horn dog.

[9:46] In the classic kind of comedy and tragedy double mask act that 80s comedies are built on.

[9:52] Yeah, it's like Splash with John Candy and Tom Hanks.

[9:55] Exactly.

[9:56] He's supposed to be like the nice guy and he takes nice to mean like-

[10:00] Yeah, naive, innocent of the world, doesn't know anything.

[10:04] He's also relatively subdued in Boys in the Hood, which is one of his better performances.

[10:10] And then in Jerry Maguire, he plays this character who's big and that's like

[10:15] kind of to mask the insecurity beneath, and that works really well from him.

[10:19] And then I felt like after that, he just kind of was like,

[10:22] everything's gonna be at 11. And maybe that's what you're responding to, Elliot, I don't know.

[10:26] I have an Academy Award.

[10:28] Yeah, that's proof that I can spend time with snow dogs if I want.

[10:34] And he was in Chill Factor too, right?

[10:36] He was in Chill Factor about a bomb that needs to stay cold.

[10:40] I just, I remember the commercials for that. I love it. They were like,

[10:42] a bomb is on the loose and an ice cream man and this other guy have to keep it cold.

[10:49] Like the commercial was like, are you buying this? Can you believe it?

[10:53] Okay, okay, guys, we haven't even hit the title of the movie yet.

[10:57] So, as in the film, as Alonso noted, the most overused needle drop this side of Hallelujah

[11:05] by Leonard Cohen, I feel good comes in to show us that he's feeling good.

[11:09] We got a montage of him walking a dog intercut with him dancing at home.

[11:14] He's also in Rat Race, which uses the smash mouth

[11:23] All Stars.

[11:24] Thank you.

[11:24] Yes, the other most overplayed needle drop in cinema history.

[11:28] So, is this something that people do in real life?

[11:32] Because they seem to do it a lot in movies.

[11:33] Just kind of like dancing by themselves in their house.

[11:36] I mean, I do.

[11:37] I dance on my own, myself.

[11:38] Yeah, just by yourself.

[11:40] Do you like dancing up and down stairs and things like that?

[11:43] Yeah, as it's the only time I can feel uninhibited, you know?

[11:48] Okay.

[11:48] Do you sing into the hairbrush, though?

[11:50] Yeah, I do it all.

[11:53] I'm in the kitchen, so it's usually like a wooden spoon.

[11:56] Spatula, maybe.

[11:58] I'm in my tighty-whities.

[12:00] I'm wearing a button-down shirt with most of the buttons undone.

[12:06] You sing to your reflection in a pot that's hanging from the rack?

[12:11] Have you been spying on me, Elliot?

[12:16] So, living that Nancy Meyers lifestyle.

[12:19] Oh, I wish.

[12:20] Kitchen the size of a ballroom.

[12:22] I have so many notes for this movie.

[12:25] I can't spend this much time.

[12:28] Cuba.

[12:29] We get a proposal, not to a dog this time, to his girlfriend, Vivica A. Fox.

[12:39] We're in a hot air balloon, which brought to mind Roger Ebert's hot air balloon rule,

[12:44] which we discussed before.

[12:45] We discussed that there's at least two exceptions to that rule.

[12:48] Wizard of Oz and Great Muppet Caper.

[12:53] Alonso will give grudging tolerance to the Great Muppet Caper.

[12:59] But yeah, the rule being, of course, no good movie with a hot air balloon.

[13:04] He's got motion sickness, which is a weird one to me for a hot air balloon.

[13:09] Maybe fear of heights, but it's moving so slowly.

[13:15] You have a horizon.

[13:17] Yeah, and if he gets seasick like that, he shouldn't go on a cruise, man.

[13:22] Good point.

[13:23] Good point.

[13:24] Because...

[13:25] I would like it more if the plot of the movie was,

[13:27] I had motion sickness and it messed up my proposal.

[13:29] I need to confront this by going on a cruise and just facing my motion sickness down.

[13:35] That would be a funnier reason to do it.

[13:36] Setups and payoffs, Viv.

[13:38] Yep.

[13:39] Yeah, he can't propose because he's too sick.

[13:42] Fox tells him to spit it out, which, of course, is a cue for him to vomit all over.

[13:47] Hilarity.

[13:49] She denies him, but not because of the vomit, which would be pretty shallow.

[13:54] She just, she's met someone else.

[13:55] So...

[13:57] I mean, she's a jerk.

[13:58] She's very clearly the woman that he loves, but who is wrong for him that he should not be with.

[14:04] I mean, I would argue that what we know about Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character throughout the

[14:08] rest of the movie, she is well read of this man.

[14:10] No, well, I would say in the world that the movie is hoping to exist in,

[14:14] where Jerry Gooding Jr.'s character is a nice guy who deserves better, she is the,

[14:19] she is the, you know...

[14:20] At this point in the plot, that's what she, it's what he deserves.

[14:23] Yes.

[14:24] Yes.

[14:25] Jerry returns home...

[14:26] He's yet to discover his full self by being on a cruise with a bunch of stereotypes for

[14:32] like three weeks, four weeks.

[14:34] How long are they on that cruise?

[14:36] Eight years.

[14:37] Uh, when Jerry returns home, he is no longer feeling good.

[14:40] The opposite of the song.

[14:41] He should play this, a funny joke would have been if he played the song backwards.

[14:45] Yeah.

[14:45] Oh, that would have been sick.

[14:47] Uh, and then we get a six months later Chiron.

[14:51] Hell yeah.

[14:52] Right away.

[14:52] It's a good sign.

[14:53] We've only met two characters, six months later.

[14:55] And a dog.

[14:56] Uh, we meet Cuba slash Jerry's buddy, Horatio Sands.

[15:01] I'm mostly gonna refer to like the main character by the actress name because it's just easier.

[15:04] That's fine.

[15:05] It's just easier.

[15:06] Uh, Horatio wants to cheer Cuba up, get him out of the town.

[15:11] We see Horatio then at his work.

[15:14] At his job.

[15:15] At his job.

[15:16] He's a maintenance man at a spa?

[15:18] Yes.

[15:19] And he walks through a woman.

[15:21] Sorry, he walks through a woman.

[15:22] He walks his own way.

[15:22] That would be an amazing trick.

[15:24] What is it, Kitty Pryde?

[15:25] But he can only do it once.

[15:28] No, he walks through a room where a woman is naked on a massage table awaiting her massage.

[15:35] And he does some, you know, three stooges like, uh, reactions.

[15:39] She's like, come on, give me my massage, Joey, or whoever she thinks is in the room.

[15:43] And him, instead of being a human being.

[15:45] Yeah, Joey from the Concrete Blonde song.

[15:48] Instead of being a human being and saying, I'm sorry, I'm not the masseuse or just leaving the

[15:52] room, he immediately, he can't, it's, it's unclear from his performance whether he is just so horny

[15:58] to touch a naked woman's back or that he is so ashamed, embarrassed that she's going to find out

[16:03] that the masseuse isn't there.

[16:04] Or you are giving him way too much credit.

[16:06] I mean, he starts out definitely as horniness.

[16:09] And then it becomes frustration as he is unable to massage her as hard as she demands.

[16:16] And so this somehow escalates.

[16:18] It's hard to be a masseuse.

[16:18] He doesn't have experience.

[16:20] By the way, male, it's masseur, masseuses are women.

[16:24] Oh, okay.

[16:25] What about Dr. Seuss?

[16:28] That's a whole other story.

[16:30] As the masseur in my home, like, I get tired, like, if I'm massaging Audrey's shoulders,

[16:36] like, I immediately get tired.

[16:38] Your hands get tired so hard when you're, so quickly, you know, it hurts.

[16:42] But also the fact that a maintenance man should not be walking through a room where a naked client

[16:47] is.

[16:47] That's also, that's on his loss.

[16:48] I mean, it's so many, like, so many liabilities.

[16:51] Like, it's, yeah.

[16:53] But unless you know early that this movie is not interested in ideas like consent.

[16:57] Sure.

[16:58] That's important.

[16:59] It's important to get that out of the way.

[17:00] I've got to establish that.

[17:00] That should have been the slogan on the poster.

[17:07] Anyway, he was so goaded by her cries for a harder massage that he eventually sticks

[17:11] a plunger on her butt.

[17:13] And then that's the punchline to that scene.

[17:16] Pulls the poop right out.

[17:18] Yeah.

[17:18] If only.

[17:19] Later at a party, Sans runs into character actor Stephen M. Porter, someone who you recognize

[17:26] from, like, TV, a lot of stuff.

[17:28] Lots of stuff.

[17:30] He has a hot date and Sans tactfully assumes out loud that she's an escort in front of

[17:36] everybody.

[17:36] But his friend says this would be fine.

[17:38] Sex workers work.

[17:41] Yeah, but she may not want to be outed in front of everyone.

[17:43] No, that's fair, too.

[17:45] I think the implication that he would have to hire someone to be his date to a party

[17:50] is also, you know, not the most flattering one.

[17:55] It's a she's out of your league situation here.

[17:57] Yeah, exactly.

[17:59] But she is all that I think is what they're.

[18:02] His glasses off.

[18:04] Yeah, she's better with the glasses, Alonso.

[18:08] She should have kept those glasses on.

[18:10] Look, Anne Hathaway should have kept her eyebrows in The Princess Diaries.

[18:13] Yeah, sure.

[18:15] You look like Kim Novak before she got rid of the eyebrows.

[18:19] Anyway, keeping with the sensitivity, his friend says, quote, She ain't no escort skank.

[18:28] Oh, yeah, his fiance.

[18:32] And he finds out Horatio finds out that he met this beautiful fiance on a cruise.

[18:38] And the guy basically claims that a cruise is a floating fuck palace, which

[18:43] it stands right on board and makes them immediately uninterested in the bar.

[18:47] He's taking Cuba getting junior out to he's like, let's leave right now and get on a boat.

[18:54] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[18:54] It's like the opening of fucking Moby Dick.

[18:57] I would love it if it was.

[18:59] Is that the quake walks in with his fucking hands?

[19:02] Yeah, quake quakes like, let's go get some fucking strange.

[19:06] Ishmael, get out of the bed.

[19:07] We're sharing.

[19:08] Let's go.

[19:08] Let's get some other people in here.

[19:11] Yeah, I would love if it immediately went to like they went to an all night cruise booking

[19:16] place, but instead they get sex and sex.

[19:22] It cuts to the next day when they're going to book a cruise.

[19:26] Sands gets into a shouting match after a traffic altercation with Artie Lang.

[19:33] Very easy to get into a shouting match with Artie Lang.

[19:35] Like I have no sympathy with me the entire movie, but it's I feel like that's a situation

[19:40] that's not that hard to get into.

[19:41] Yeah, yeah.

[19:43] And so they go to book this cruise.

[19:46] And they're shutting match with Jessica Lang.

[19:48] Harder to do.

[19:50] But more intense once you get there.

[19:52] Oh, hey, Lang.

[19:56] Constant yelling.

[19:59] I feel.

[20:00] Like you'd just be apologizing back and forth.

[20:02] We match with Katie Ling.

[20:05] I'm so sorry.

[20:06] No, I'm so sorry.

[20:07] Please, forgive me.

[20:09] Yeah, so they're trying to book a cruise

[20:11] with what the agent calls

[20:12] the traditional three-to-one female-to-male ratio.

[20:18] When Will Ferrell enters to say to the travel agent

[20:21] that their mother died.

[20:24] That's kind of a funny bit.

[20:25] There is a part that goes,

[20:26] didn't you see the post-it note I left for you?

[20:30] I will say that because this is a comedy professional

[20:33] who wrote for the Golden Girls for many years,

[20:35] there are individual jokes in here that do work,

[20:38] but they are so poisoned by the well of boat trip

[20:40] that I cannot find many of them using.

[20:44] It's interesting for me to think about

[20:46] where this was in Will Ferrell's career,

[20:48] because I was trying to figure out,

[20:50] is this him as a star doing a cameo,

[20:54] or is this him as an up-and-comer doing a small role?

[20:57] And this is after Zoolander came out,

[21:00] but it's before old school,

[21:01] and so I wonder if he's kind of in that middle ground.

[21:04] He's still an up-and-comer.

[21:05] This movie was filmed in 2001,

[21:07] but wasn't released until 2003.

[21:09] I'm assuming while it was filming in 2001,

[21:12] that was the reason the terrorists attacked 9-11,

[21:16] is because they were trying to shut down

[21:17] the production of Boat Trip?

[21:18] Yeah, probably.

[21:19] Yeah, they erroneously thought it was happening

[21:21] at the World Trade Center,

[21:22] and not somewhere in Hollywood, yeah.

[21:25] So Ferrell scares off the agent,

[21:27] who runs off crying, and that agent

[21:30] was replaced by Artie Lange, and

[21:33] they do the exact same shouting match

[21:35] over again, which honestly,

[21:38] I found kind of a funny beat,

[21:39] just because it's the same thing over again.

[21:41] But it could so easily be eliminated,

[21:43] because then Will Ferrell is like,

[21:45] could you go away, I'll handle it.

[21:48] And Will Ferrell books them, and

[21:50] our heroes, question mark, heroes?

[21:54] Leave, and we learn that- Protagonists.

[21:56] Yeah, our protagonists leave, and

[21:57] we learn that Artie and Will are a couple,

[22:00] and Artie's like, I can't believe

[22:02] you took care of them.

[22:02] And Will ominously says,

[22:05] oh, I took care of them, all right.

[22:07] What does this mean?

[22:08] We'll find out very soon, or

[22:10] in the trailer to Boat Trip, presumably.

[22:12] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[22:13] Explains the premise.

[22:14] Or on the poster, I mean.

[22:15] Yeah.

[22:17] So the poster is, it creates

[22:20] a real different concept.

[22:22] I'm looking at it now.

[22:23] The poster for Boat Trip,

[22:24] the one that's on Wikipedia anyway.

[22:25] The tagline is, singles, cruise,

[22:27] double trouble.

[22:28] And it shows Cuba Gideon, Jr.,

[22:30] shoulder deep in water with Vivica A.

[22:33] Fox and Rosalind Sanchez.

[22:35] And then Horatio Sanz is behind

[22:37] them going like, ah!

[22:39] And so- Mugging, mugging.

[22:41] Yeah, mugging.

[22:42] So the poster would lead you to

[22:43] believe that this is a love triangle

[22:45] on a cruise movie, or

[22:46] it's this guy has too many babes,

[22:48] more than he can handle.

[22:49] Like, even the poster is ashamed of

[22:50] what the movie is about.

[22:52] I would like to think it's that

[22:53] the movie poster was like,

[22:54] the people making the poster were like,

[22:56] we cannot in good conscience

[22:57] advertise the premise of this movie.

[22:59] But I bet it was more them worrying

[23:01] that customers would not come to a movie

[23:03] that felt too gay.

[23:05] That's my worry.

[23:05] Sometimes you have to sell

[23:06] the straight sizzle and

[23:08] not the gay steak, you know?

[23:09] Yeah, yeah.

[23:11] Or the gay rotten liver in this case.

[23:14] Yeah, it's like the trailers for

[23:16] Desert Hearts that made it seem about

[23:17] a guy who works at a casino who can't

[23:18] get the waitress to go out with him.

[23:21] Really?

[23:23] No, not really.

[23:24] Yeah, yeah.

[23:24] I mean, there's a character like that

[23:26] in the movie, but you know.

[23:27] The original poster for

[23:28] the birdcage was just them holding guns.

[23:30] They photoshopped them in front of

[23:33] a bank, I don't understand.

[23:36] I thought the birdcage was a bank they

[23:39] were knocking over.

[23:41] It's where the teller is hiding.

[23:46] So anyway, our protagonists arrive at

[23:48] the boat, where Horatio Sanz

[23:50] creepily enthuses that the best part

[23:52] of it is that on a cruise,

[23:54] women can't get away from them.

[23:55] Their options are them or

[23:57] drowning or being eaten by sharks.

[24:00] And at this point,

[24:01] I consider calling the police on

[24:02] boat trip.

[24:05] Again, consent, suckers.

[24:08] Yeah, the cops told me that I

[24:10] couldn't arrest a movie,

[24:11] that that's not, not that they

[24:13] really want to, but those clowns in

[24:14] Congress wouldn't pass a law, so.

[24:16] There's no law against being

[24:17] a bad movie.

[24:19] Yeah, anyway, the guys are very slow

[24:21] to wonder why they're only men on

[24:24] this boat, they write off some

[24:26] leather dudes in assless pants as

[24:29] Cirque du Soleil performers, probably.

[24:32] This is the first of the many,

[24:34] the parade of kind of like,

[24:36] this is a movie in the early 2000s,

[24:38] but the kind of like 80s or 70s,

[24:40] I feel like level, like gay

[24:42] stereotypes that it's like, gay guys,

[24:44] yeah, they're probably all into

[24:46] leather and they cannot not be.

[24:48] Not being leather,

[24:49] like they have a culture.

[24:51] Like it's not like you would go to

[24:52] brunch in regular clothes and

[24:54] then get into your sex clothes for

[24:56] sex, you wear them all the time.

[24:57] Well, look, on a cruise,

[24:59] I'm sure there are people who,

[25:01] they're making it happen 24 seven.

[25:03] Yeah, but these movies do love to

[25:05] lump all gay people together in

[25:07] that way.

[25:07] Yeah.

[25:08] So like, I always think of

[25:10] the recurring Blue Oyster Bar gag in

[25:12] the Police Academy movies.

[25:14] Exactly.

[25:15] Where they're like leather dudes,

[25:16] but they dance the tango.

[25:18] It's just, it's every sort of like,

[25:20] that seems fruity,

[25:22] we'll just put it all in that one room.

[25:24] You know, as though like we all mingle

[25:27] together or we all like, you know,

[25:30] pursue multiple fetishes at the same time.

[25:33] Yeah, it's so much work.

[25:35] It is a very cartoony, you know,

[25:37] idea of how this stuff works.

[25:39] It'd be like if they showed,

[25:42] you know, Stuart like with a barbell in

[25:45] one hand and like delicately painting

[25:48] a Warhammer figure in the other hand.

[25:49] It's like, pick a lane, Louis.

[25:51] Unrealistic, and

[25:52] half of one person- All of Stuart's stuff.

[25:53] Man, I'm glad that normally on your-

[25:55] Includes such multitudes.

[25:57] On your other podcast,

[25:58] you would have to say iffy, but

[26:00] luckily, you just swapped names on that one.

[26:03] Yeah, how comforting is it to-

[26:04] You're basically interchangeable.

[26:05] Yeah.

[26:06] We have the same birthday, it's wild.

[26:08] I know.

[26:09] Really?

[26:10] Yeah, yeah.

[26:10] Mm-hm.

[26:11] And that's why I just like Garfield.

[26:13] Yeah.

[26:18] Anyway.

[26:18] Your voice by Chris Pratt?

[26:20] Yeah.

[26:21] Yeah, yeah, everybody is now.

[26:23] That's why everyone's turned against me lately.

[26:25] Yeah, I feel like that's like the modern

[26:27] version of The Matrix,

[26:28] where Agent Smith is turning everybody

[26:30] into Agent Smith, like Chris Pratt is

[26:32] turning everyone into Chris Pratt.

[26:34] Stimulating all the cartoon characters.

[26:37] Dan, are you excited about that new

[26:38] Sherlock Holmes animated movie they

[26:40] announced with Chris Pratt as Sherlock Holmes?

[26:42] Is there one?

[26:42] Is that an actual thing?

[26:43] No, it would be pretty funny if there was.

[26:45] I heard Dan's fucking heartbreak when

[26:46] you said that, Elliot.

[26:47] He did a little bit, although-

[26:48] Dan, they figured out Sherlock Holmes would

[26:49] be better if he was a slacker loser.

[26:52] People have asked me this before, and

[26:54] my answer about Sherlock Holmes is like,

[26:55] I actually do whatever the fuck you want

[26:58] with Sherlock Holmes, because there's so

[26:59] many versions of him out there that

[27:01] is not going to bother me.

[27:03] But I have my version of the character,

[27:05] you can have yours, it's okay.

[27:06] I don't know, Dan, considering you did

[27:08] a presentation about Sherlock Holmes in

[27:10] England recently, where you seemed to

[27:12] take real issue with the real Ghostbusters

[27:14] version of Sherlock Holmes.

[27:16] Well, just because they left Winston

[27:19] football with their signatures on it.

[27:23] Granted, the real Ghostbusters had been

[27:26] playing football earlier in the episode,

[27:28] so that's why the football reoccurred.

[27:30] But I don't know why that has to be what

[27:32] Holmes and Watson sign as a memento of

[27:36] their encounter.

[27:38] Anyway, so they're on the boat,

[27:41] they're reading all of the stuff that's

[27:43] available to them on the cruise.

[27:44] Yeah, a little welcome packet.

[27:45] Yeah, brochures and whatnot.

[27:47] They start getting suspicious around

[27:49] the time they get to chest waxing,

[27:50] is one of the things that can be done.

[27:53] But their fears are swayed by-

[27:55] Because only gay men groom.

[27:58] Straight men are supposed to keep

[27:59] their bodies in a natural state of

[28:00] disgust.

[28:01] That was the time where-

[28:02] In that year, probably.

[28:03] Yeah, around that time,

[28:04] if you took showers,

[28:05] you were considered metrosexual.

[28:07] There is, to this day,

[28:09] an entire school of men's grooming that

[28:12] you will only buy an exfoliating pad or

[28:14] a deodorant stick if it comes packaged to

[28:17] look like fishing tackle or dynamite.

[28:20] Yeah, like brass knuckles.

[28:22] Thank you to our sponsor, Manscaping.

[28:26] Manscaping rules.

[28:28] We don't believe this, Dan.

[28:29] We don't believe it.

[28:30] We're all about grooming ourselves,

[28:32] removing hair, removing scents,

[28:34] removing anything that's

[28:36] removing scents,

[28:37] removing fingernails if we have to.

[28:39] No, no, I'm just joking about

[28:40] the fact that they needed to put man

[28:42] in the title, although it is-

[28:44] I mean, manscaped,

[28:45] it could very easily be a gay product

[28:48] as well.

[28:48] A genderless product.

[28:49] Man is not a hetero word.

[28:51] Yes, anyone can use it.

[28:53] Their fears are swayed-

[28:55] Except for women.

[28:55] It says man right there in the title.

[28:57] Sorry, ladies.

[28:59] Their fears are swayed by the entrance

[29:01] of their neighbor, Hector, in drag,

[29:03] and Sans dances around with Hector a bit.

[29:06] So this is one of many situations

[29:09] where people are able to just

[29:11] enter other people's staterooms

[29:13] without a key or anything.

[29:15] And I mean, I don't know if they've

[29:16] changed cruise ship technology

[29:18] significantly, but I don't think you

[29:19] can just do that, right?

[29:21] Only on gay cruises,

[29:23] because we have no sense of boundaries.

[29:24] Sure.

[29:25] Thank you.

[29:27] Yeah, that was the thing about this

[29:29] that really, I was just like,

[29:32] even on a hetero sex cruise,

[29:35] even if, presume,

[29:37] I know it's hard to believe.

[29:39] Presume that the makers of

[29:41] Boat Trip are homophobic.

[29:43] Okay, yeah.

[29:44] And hold bad, incorrect views about

[29:47] gay people.

[29:49] But on a hetero sex cruise,

[29:51] they wouldn't have no locks on

[29:53] anything, and people wouldn't just

[29:56] be wandering in all over the place.

[30:00] sex cruise, whether it be gay or not gay, there's still, yes, boundaries to be...

[30:05] Dan's pitching his own sex cruise.

[30:06] There are clearly scheduled orgy moments, and then there's a break.

[30:11] Yes.

[30:12] You need boundaries.

[30:13] You need boundaries even in a sexual relationship, you know?

[30:16] Yeah.

[30:17] Dan, I think they were hoping the audience would be so distracted by the over-the-top

[30:21] Latin stereotype that we're watching that they wouldn't even think about those things.

[30:26] So at the bar, one of the bars on the boat, they meet Roger Moore, and I perk up a little

[30:32] bit just because Roger Moore's on screen.

[30:34] Yeah, fresh off of the Spice World.

[30:36] I'll just say, right now, if anyone leaves this movie with their dignity intact, it's

[30:40] Roger Moore.

[30:41] He's the only one, I feel like.

[30:43] In fact, I feel like he's the one actor in the movie who is borderline not embarrassing

[30:48] himself constantly, but I don't know.

[30:51] The material is terrible.

[30:52] He's committing to the bit, but when you make this guy lick a breakfast sausage, it's like,

[30:57] that is true.

[30:58] He's the only guy who can do that terrible, not funny bit, and when it's over, I'm like,

[31:04] well, he's a professional.

[31:05] Look, he's going to do what they tell him to do.

[31:07] That's what it is.

[31:08] He's thinking to himself, like, I'm in a carry-on movie, basically.

[31:12] The material he's given is terrible, but somehow, you know, he seems untouched by it in a weird

[31:17] way.

[31:19] Maybe it's just me remembering how funny he is in Spice World, and having fumes of that

[31:24] since we watched that recently.

[31:25] Anyway, he touts how much sex is on the cruise.

[31:28] He says they must visit the Hole-in-One Range, where the chaps swing some very large clubs.

[31:34] Ugh, you don't forget what I said.

[31:38] Yeah, yeah, that's a level of double entendre, fit for a Big Johnson t-shirt.

[31:45] This is what I love.

[31:46] It's like a child wrote what they thought was a sexy joke.

[31:52] The double entendres are about to end, and I love this, because he asks if they have

[31:56] an open relationship, then invites them on a midnight swim to do whatever feels right,

[32:01] saying then, that is what a gay cruise is all about, which is clunky dialogue for him

[32:06] to just say it that way, but I was glad that someone told them directly, because these

[32:11] two doofuses couldn't have gone through the whole movie without realizing that they were

[32:14] on a gay cruise.

[32:15] I feel like that would have been funnier if at no point they actually realized it.

[32:19] It would be funnier if they were on this cruise, had sex with men, left the cruise, went home,

[32:25] never realizing it was a gay cruise or what was going on, and then at the movie end with

[32:29] them being like, that was a fun cruise, and them never being so oblivious to everything

[32:34] that was happening around them.

[32:35] My friend was right, cruises are really fun.

[32:36] Under the closing credits, like showing slides of the trip, and having people be like, you

[32:40] realize you were on a gay cruise, like, what?

[32:42] No!

[32:43] Of course we weren't.

[32:45] Yeah, so the other shoe is dropped, and Horatio Sanz freaks out, and Cuba Gooding Jr. faints

[32:53] from the absolute horror of probably being at the best party they've ever been to in

[32:59] their lives for the next week.

[33:01] Yeah.

[33:02] Yeah.

[33:03] It's so...

[33:04] This is a very, also feels like a strange thing to have in 2002, 2003, like a movie

[33:11] where straight men are, they act as if they're on a boat filled with monsters.

[33:16] Yes.

[33:17] For a moment.

[33:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[33:19] Like they find out everyone's a werewolf.

[33:20] Yeah.

[33:21] Will and Grace was on the air at this point, you know, like we can't pretend like this

[33:26] is the 1982 or something, not that it would have been forgivable then either, but yeah,

[33:32] the level of hysteria, and all I kept thinking of was, there's a thing that goes around the

[33:37] internet every so often where people say, the straight men who are the most upset about

[33:42] gay people are the ones who realize that, who think that gay men are going to treat

[33:49] them the way they treat women.

[33:51] And seeing how we have treated, how we've seen Horatio Sanz and Cuba Gooding Jr.'s characters

[33:57] treat women, I guess that's a valid fear on their behalf.

[34:00] Yes.

[34:01] Yeah, that's a good point.

[34:03] I also think, on some level, I think this movie is pretty good for representation because

[34:08] up to this point, usually when there's gay characters in movies, they're like, dressed

[34:12] well, they're well spoken, they're a little bit fabulous, but I feel like the vast majority

[34:16] of people on this cruise dress like shit.

[34:18] This is a super normcore gay cruise.

[34:20] Yeah.

[34:21] We can be anonymous Dullards too.

[34:22] Yeah.

[34:23] You know.

[34:24] These are rainbows too.

[34:25] Yeah, you're right.

[34:26] The rainbow styles, tastes.

[34:27] Yeah.

[34:28] Some dumb shenanigans where they get angry and roll in the bed together and...

[34:34] That's true.

[34:35] Somebody walks in and assumes that they're in bed together, even though they're clearly

[34:39] angry and fully close.

[34:41] I don't know, Elliot, have you ever done it before?

[34:44] Elliot, don't, uh...

[34:45] Okay, fair, fair point.

[34:46] Yeah.

[34:47] I've never had fight sex before where you're battling each other, but there is, it is...

[34:51] Don't knock it till you've tried it, baby.

[34:55] That's another old-fashioned joke where if two human beings are having any sort of physical

[34:59] contact and someone walks in, it must be sexual, you know, in their minds.

[35:03] You know, it's the same way in like Noises Off where you're, someone's helping someone

[35:07] out with a zipper and it's like, oh, this must be a blowjob situation.

[35:10] It doesn't really make sense for these two characters to be in a blowjob situation, but

[35:13] I have to assume that's the case.

[35:15] They're on a gay cruise without door locks, all right?

[35:17] Everything is suspicious.

[35:18] Yeah.

[35:20] Do you think all the rooms on every deck connect at like one long cord, like it's the back

[35:24] rooms kind of like everything just kind of connects in one long apocalyptic corridor

[35:28] of door, open doors?

[35:30] And it all leads to the driving range.

[35:34] There's a brief montage of them.

[35:36] The ship is somehow larger on the inside than on the outside.

[35:38] It's a gay TARDIS.

[35:41] There's a brief montage of them not enjoying the entertainment on this cruise, which of

[35:47] course makes sense because if there's one area that gay people historically have not

[35:50] excelled in, it's theater arts, cabaret style performances.

[35:55] But Cuba is so drunk and despondent, he falls into the pool and hits his head.

[36:01] I got to say, this is the first time we see one of our, let's say our three leads, him,

[36:07] Cuba Gooden Jr., Horatio Sainz, and Vivica A. Fox.

[36:10] They all have a scene where they get very drunk.

[36:13] And in every case, I'm like, this person has never been drunk before in their life because

[36:17] they are behaving wild.

[36:19] He has regressed to childhood at this point.

[36:22] He's stomping around like an angry baby.

[36:24] And I have spent a lot of time around drunk people, and I have very rarely seen this kind

[36:29] of behavior.

[36:30] Yeah, that's a good point.

[36:33] Well, he is rescued by the- Has Cuba Gooden Jr. ever been in your bar?

[36:36] Yeah.

[36:37] I hope not.

[36:38] He's banned.

[36:39] He was before, he is now.

[36:44] He's rescued by Gabriela, who we will later learn is the ship's dance instructor.

[36:51] Meanwhile, Sainz is so upset he's on this cruise, he shoots-

[36:57] And this is Rosalind Sanchez from your favorite show, Without a Trace.

[37:00] I'm sorry, I'm surprised you didn't mention that.

[37:02] Of course, Without a Trace.

[37:04] About people who vanish, one presumes, without a trace.

[37:09] Oh, wow.

[37:10] Yeah, Sainz is so distressed by- Oh, she was also on your other favorite show,

[37:16] Devious Maids.

[37:17] Devious Maids?

[37:18] Yeah.

[37:19] They're so much more entertaining than straightforward maids.

[37:20] These maids are devious.

[37:21] They move all your stuff.

[37:22] I gotta say, that's a fucking good name.

[37:23] It is a good name.

[37:24] I know you can hire a naked housekeeper, but people advertise as, I'm a devious housekeeper.

[37:38] I mean, I would be in for it, because I'm a fiend for drama, baby.

[37:43] I've switched out all of your clothes for one size smaller every time I hear that.

[37:48] I will do the laundry, I will change the sheets, I won't do windows, I will put a crocodile

[37:53] in your closet when you least expect it.

[37:55] I love it.

[37:56] This maid is devious.

[37:57] I will seduce your fiance.

[38:01] Sainz is so distressed by being on this cruise, he shoots a flare up in the air to try and

[38:08] get the attention of a helicopter, only to hit the helicopter, which crashes into the

[38:12] water.

[38:13] At this point, later on we find out that they survived, but at this point we're like, did

[38:18] he just kill people?

[38:19] Yeah, I was kind of hoping that was going to be the plot of the rest of the plot of

[38:22] the movie, is him desperate, like, talented Mr. Ripley-ing his way through life, trying

[38:26] to help us.

[38:27] Or Poirot shows up on the boat, someone on here shot a flare in the helicopter, and he's

[38:32] like, hey, I...

[38:33] He's going to pin the murder on Roger Moore.

[38:36] Only one of us has a license to kill.

[38:38] Ooh, yeah.

[38:40] So yeah, you know, Cuba gets returned to his room by Gabriela, he's all drunk, Sainz is

[38:47] ranting and raving, Cuba falls on top of Sainz, making Gabriela of course again, oh, you know,

[38:53] they can't keep their hands off each other.

[38:55] They're so in love.

[38:56] Anyway.

[38:57] They have so much chemistry together when they're not in bed, so you know that they

[39:00] also...

[39:01] They can't keep their hands off each other, yeah.

[39:03] There are a lot of scenes, like the next one, where Roger Moore comes on to Horatio

[39:08] Sainz at breakfast, where I'm like, Roger, you could do better than this guy, what are

[39:12] you doing?

[39:13] Yeah.

[39:14] The joke, I think, is that he is what is colloquially known as a chubby chaser, and they're basically...

[39:19] If that is the case, they are recycling a joke from The Ritz, the Terrence McNally farce,

[39:27] which was turned into a film by Richard Lester, where I believe it's F. Marie Abraham plays

[39:32] a character who spends the entire movie trying to nab Jack Weston, who is actually a mobster

[39:38] who is hiding out in a gay bathhouse.

[39:41] And that character was Salieri, right?

[39:43] That's the character.

[39:44] Twist.

[39:45] He's mad because Mozart gets much hotter, guys.

[39:50] I feel like I haven't...

[39:51] And he barely tries, and they fall into his lap, which is different.

[39:55] I've definitely seen clips from The Ritz, but I don't think I've seen the whole movie.

[39:59] Ritz clips.

[40:00] Yeah. It's better than this one.

[40:03] It's amazing how sometimes like a piece of merchandising will outlast the original movie

[40:08] because they still sell Ritz crackers in the grocery stores.

[40:11] You know, if you haven't seen it, we should put on the Ritz.

[40:15] Oh, OK. Why not?

[40:18] Now, this is a – I think, Alonzo, that seems like a very merciful reading of what's going on.

[40:25] It feels to me like the fear of any of these kind of hetero guys in movies is always that gay men will instantly be –

[40:32] will not be able to let them go, will be so attracted to them.

[40:35] And that's – and it feels like there's – it's some of that joke too, but it's hard to tell.

[40:39] And as Horatio has already told us, there's nowhere for him to go.

[40:43] Oh, yeah. That's right. Oh, that – again, great writing.

[40:45] They set up the problem and now he's – he was the cat and now he's the mouse.

[40:49] He's hoisted his own petard and not in the sexy way.

[40:55] Yeah, I don't know what the code for – what petard is code for.

[40:59] They don't even have a handkerchief that color.

[41:02] You boys should really go down to the petard hoisting room.

[41:05] It's quite a fun time.

[41:08] And so ironic.

[41:09] You did bring your own hoist, right?

[41:12] So at this point, Cuba is convinced he's in love with Gabrielle even though he's essentially been unconscious all the time he's known her.

[41:20] Meanwhile –

[41:21] She is the other beautiful woman in the movie, so he has to fall in love with her right away.

[41:25] Meanwhile, there are a bunch of bikini women who have been rescued from the sea.

[41:30] It turns out they're from the crashed helicopter.

[41:33] I wish – I so wish – the way you described it, Dan, it made it seem like they got caught in a tuna net and had to be cut out of the net.

[41:40] I so wish it was something like that.

[41:43] Yeah, they're mermaids in full human form.

[41:47] They're essentially the Swedish bikini team, I guess.

[41:52] There's some kind of off-brand Swedish bikini team.

[41:55] Is that ever a real thing or is it just a beer?

[41:57] It's a competitive suntan thing.

[41:59] Oh, that's right.

[42:00] In the movie.

[42:01] The Swedish bikini team was – yeah, it was a real thing.

[42:05] Were they like special forces for some people in Sweden?

[42:07] What is it?

[42:08] Did they have a car wash?

[42:10] I mean they existed.

[42:12] Was there a real competition?

[42:14] Who knows?

[42:15] Spuds McKenzie was a real thing.

[42:17] That's the question.

[42:18] Spuds McKenzie was not a real competitive surfing dog.

[42:21] The Olympic committee is still not committed on this front.

[42:26] I mean if breakdancing can be an Olympic event, why not dog surfing?

[42:29] There's nothing in the rule book.

[42:31] Wow.

[42:32] Throwing shade to breakdancing.

[42:33] I'm actually very excited about the breakdancing competition in this year's Olympics.

[42:36] I think it's going to be really good.

[42:38] So Sans decides instead of – he's creeping all over these girls.

[42:42] Instead of saying like he's heterosexual to hit on them, he's going to pretend to be gay for a while so he can see them topless and massage tanning oil into them.

[42:54] Yeah, that makes sense.

[42:56] Again, one of our supposed heroes of this film.

[42:59] Do you want to talk about the part where he pretends he's having an orgasm so he can squirt suntan lotion like jizz over the back of him?

[43:06] I don't want to talk about it.

[43:08] Do you want to talk about that?

[43:09] Yeah, and he does this like pretend oh face, which was confusing for me because as I've told you guys over and over, when I orgasm, I say oh my god like Janice from Friends every time.

[43:20] You did say that.

[43:21] Dan, do you want to mention how it's shot from below as if you are the prone victim of Horatio Sans' sex?

[43:28] I don't want to talk about any of it, but unfortunately I have to talk about what happens next.

[43:31] His ejaculate for some reason smells like coconut.

[43:34] It's because of his diet.

[43:35] Diet, yeah, exactly.

[43:38] His erection is spotted.

[43:40] It also comes out with a kind of ketchup bottle squirt sound, which is you should talk to a doctor if that's happening.

[43:45] I don't think that when I introduce the words his erection, any interruption is allowed.

[43:50] We didn't get a like squirt sound effect like the old Batman TV show.

[43:54] It was this movie's idea of restraint.

[43:57] That's a good point.

[43:58] His erection is spotted by the coach.

[44:01] Dan, what do you think it sounds like when Don Martin cartoon characters ejaculate?

[44:05] What's the sound effect of that?

[44:06] I think you said it's a splurt.

[44:08] It wouldn't be splurt.

[44:09] It would be like flub-a-da-flub-a-da-flub-a-da-splurt or something like that.

[44:12] God damn, I miss my calling being like a Don Martin aping erotic artist.

[44:18] Is it like Chester Bester-Tester or Captain Cluck?

[44:22] Wait, guys.

[44:23] I don't want to go online and Google Mr. Phone Bone comics.

[44:28] I just had a million dollar idea.

[44:31] If it's related to Don Martin cartoons, it's probably not a million dollar idea.

[44:35] Well, that was an ironic description anyway.

[44:39] An orgasm soundboard.

[44:41] When you have an orgasm, you can reach over and do like a wacky sound.

[44:46] I guarantee you something like that exists, Dan.

[44:48] You can sell that shit to like every shock jock in America.

[44:51] I was going to say, I think morning zoo crews are way ahead of you on this.

[44:54] That does remind me.

[44:55] I may have talked about this before in the podcast.

[44:56] I don't remember.

[44:57] My old coworker, James Don, who I worked with at The Daily Show, how he used to –

[45:02] when I worked with him and a couple other people in one big room,

[45:05] he would set his computer to play an audio track of sex sounds he had found

[45:09] and then an audio track of fart sounds he had found

[45:11] and then just leave the room and leave these playing at the same time.

[45:15] Jimmy.

[45:16] He's smelling a little as he's growing older.

[45:19] He's always funny.

[45:20] I mean, yeah.

[45:21] But it was always a good way to disrupt everybody else's work.

[45:24] I want to make it clear.

[45:26] This time board, though, would not be for radio use.

[45:28] This would be for actual sexual use.

[45:30] No, for personal use.

[45:31] During the act of coitus.

[45:32] During the act of love.

[45:33] Okay.

[45:34] I don't know if that makes sense.

[45:35] Well, that reminds me of a Reddit board that I saw once.

[45:38] Go on.

[45:39] I was directed to where it was very touching.

[45:41] This guy was writing about how his fantasy of having sex with a clown

[45:44] and everyone was kind of like encouraging him.

[45:46] They were like, you should do this.

[45:47] You should do this.

[45:48] Then a couple weeks later he wrote about he met someone through the Reddit board.

[45:51] She made his fantasy come true, and she set it up.

[45:54] There are all these little surprises.

[45:55] And when he came at the end, she had a tiny cream pie that she put in his face.

[45:59] And everyone was like, that's great.

[46:02] That's great.

[46:03] It was such a heartwarming story.

[46:04] I want that.

[46:06] I hope there's a bicycle horn in here somewhere.

[46:08] There must have been.

[46:09] There must have been a horn somewhere.

[46:10] God, you have done so much for others.

[46:11] Why didn't you do that for me?

[46:12] Did she keep the big shoes on?

[46:13] I have so many questions.

[46:14] With so many things on the internet, this could just be bullshit, but I want to believe.

[46:18] It could be made up, but I'd like to believe that dreams do come true occasionally.

[46:21] Yeah.

[46:22] Anyway, back to – I don't want to say this, but back to Horatio Sanz's erection.

[46:27] It is spotted by Lin Shay, the muscular coach of the bikini team, and she beats him up for

[46:38] creeping on the team.

[46:39] This was farther than I thought the movie would go, frankly, was to have a character

[46:43] – to have her literally point at his erection through his pants and be like, what's that

[46:47] all about?

[46:48] And he goes, I saw that hot guy over there.

[46:49] That's why.

[46:51] I did not think we were going to have a joke where you actually see someone's erection

[46:53] through their pants, but it's like John Waters that way.

[46:57] Does she slap it like Josh O'Connor and Mike Feist in Challengers?

[47:02] I want to pause on Lin Shay for a moment because I think she is a legend.

[47:09] She deserves much better.

[47:10] This movie maligns in a terrible way.

[47:12] She made her screen debut in Hester Street, one of the great indie films of the 1970s,

[47:18] and in the Insidious series, she has really gotten the real estate to create this amazing

[47:24] character, and I'm such a huge fan of her.

[47:26] And I died a little inside every time she appears in this movie, and they humiliate

[47:32] her with such relish.

[47:35] Yeah, I texted Stew and Elliot saying that this movie needs to apologize to Lin Shay.

[47:40] I mean, it needs to apologize to many people.

[47:42] Humanity in general.

[47:43] The whole world, yeah.

[47:44] Especially Lin Shay.

[47:46] I feel like some of the blame can be laid at the feet of the Farrelly brothers because

[47:50] didn't they use her in a similar type of situation in Kingpin?

[47:54] Yes.

[47:55] And there's something about Mary.

[47:56] Yeah.

[47:57] Yeah, and she's game.

[47:58] Yeah, she's great.

[48:00] She's literally going with it and committing to the bit, but the bit is rancid.

[48:04] It's terrible.

[48:05] I mean, by the time later when she's deep-throating a baseball bat.

[48:08] Yes.

[48:09] Yes.

[48:10] Similar to Roger Moore, I feel like she gets out of this with her dignity intact because

[48:15] she's so committed to it.

[48:16] Sure.

[48:17] That you feel like you're seeing a performer doing the role, rather than Cuban Junior and

[48:21] Rachel Sands are so half-assed that you're like, is this what they're like?

[48:24] Are they really these jerks?

[48:26] And I should mention, Lin Shay is amazing, but this is the third movie she's been in

[48:30] that we've covered on The Flophouse.

[48:32] Wow.

[48:33] What are the other two?

[48:34] I mean, one was Critters.

[48:35] Okay.

[48:36] Well, that was a good movie.

[48:37] A good movie, yeah.

[48:38] And she has a small part in Brain Smash or A Love Story.

[48:40] Also, not that bad.

[48:42] So those were both movies that we kind of liked to a certain extent.

[48:45] Maybe we'll go three for three.

[48:47] Stay tuned.

[48:50] Yeah.

[48:51] Yeah, I think this is where Ms. Shay's run...

[48:54] And streak ends.

[48:55] We didn't even mention the fact that this is a movie that is not available normally in

[49:00] any fashion.

[49:01] You can only find it on YouTube that has the subtitle, what, Greatest Comedy Movie Ever?

[49:07] Is that what it is?

[49:09] Greatest Comedy Movie Ever.

[49:10] It was uploaded by just a random person.

[49:12] We were looking for this, and the only way to watch it, other than buying an old DVD

[49:17] of it, I guess, is to go on YouTube and look that up.

[49:20] Or there's a German dubbed version that's on Daily Motion or something.

[49:25] And otherwise, this movie is unavailable to stream.

[49:28] It's been disappeared.

[49:29] And I have a theory.

[49:31] This movie was produced by Brad Cravoy and his company, Motion Picture Corporation of

[49:36] America, who currently makes those innocuous Hallmark-like Christmas movies on Netflix

[49:42] and produces the hit Hallmark series, When Calls the Heart, which is the sappiest thing

[49:47] on television.

[49:48] So I think maybe he's a little embarrassed that this is part of his past.

[49:52] Just a theory.

[49:53] I don't know anything, but I know that it is not...

[49:56] Yeah, you don't know anything about Hallmark movies or Christmas movies?

[49:58] I have to say, I don't know.

[50:00] Mr. Cravoy embraces the multitudes he contains or not, but this is definitely not what he's

[50:06] about now.

[50:07] Yeah.

[50:08] Yeah.

[50:09] Yeah.

[50:10] Uh, so later on in the, uh, ship casino, Sands for some reason is convinced that gay men

[50:16] can't gamble and he's going to clean up and that he's, if this is a stereotype I've never

[50:21] heard that, that gay men are bad at poker.

[50:24] I've never, I've never, and there's no, they don't even make any double entendre jokes

[50:27] about poke or anything like that.

[50:30] It's well, the lady Gaga song hadn't been recorded yet.

[50:33] So people didn't know that we were actually, you know, amazing at it and there's a, there's

[50:38] a move.

[50:39] There's a moment in here where it's amazing that people who, uh, through no fault of their

[50:42] own often have to hide a major aspect of their lives and that they're good at keeping a straight

[50:47] face playing cards.

[50:48] Amazing.

[50:49] How can you not know how to bluff?

[50:54] There's a, a moment in here where, uh, Jerry could be good and juniors character, uh, wants

[51:00] him to promise that he won't act like a homophobe Neanderthal.

[51:03] And I'm like, you're the guy who fainted when you realized you're on a gay cruise.

[51:08] Like this is a real turnaround to you to suddenly be like, now let's be sensitive, be progressive

[51:14] like me.

[51:15] Yeah.

[51:16] The movie remembered that he is, he's supposed to be the nice guy.

[51:17] Cause this is, I imagine the people making this movie thought they like that.

[51:22] I went, we'll get to Hector's heartfelt speech later, but they thought they were making,

[51:26] I assume a progressive movie, a slight, the same way this movie was, it lost the Razzie

[51:31] for a worst movie to, uh, or for worst director and worst actor to Gigli.

[51:37] Another movie that thinks it is saying something progressive, but in actuality is not, you

[51:42] know?

[51:43] Yeah.

[51:44] This is the kind of movie that things, well, we're not advocating the gay men be rounded

[51:47] up and shot in the street.

[51:48] So like, where's my glad award?

[51:50] Yeah.

[51:51] Yeah.

[51:52] I would love it if they had a huge glad award campaign.

[51:54] Yeah.

[51:55] Well, I mean the, like the character arc for them is like, Oh, gay men are people like

[52:02] wow.

[52:03] Human beings with souls.

[52:04] Yeah.

[52:05] I will, we'll, we'll get to it later on, but like the most charitable viewing of this movie,

[52:12] one that I do not hold, but like, I mean the most charitable viewing was if he is, if you

[52:15] air, you screened it for like a, some sort of benefit for glad or something like that.

[52:19] No, I don't think that's how far we've gone.

[52:21] Yeah, exactly.

[52:22] I think that would be a very uncharitable thing to do to the people there.

[52:25] I mean, you don't show, I mean, the money goes to glad no one, no, no members of the

[52:29] organization have to watch the movie.

[52:30] And before the movie, you get like Orville Peck to come on to play some songs.

[52:34] There you go.

[52:35] Make a whole night of it.

[52:36] Yeah.

[52:37] Cause a bit of it, we, we throw away a copy of a trip for glad.

[52:40] I mean, I will say, I will say when they, when that, when the other online movie people,

[52:44] when they destroyed all those copies of Nuki, I was like, Hey, like that's a bad movie,

[52:48] but that's like, I don't like the idea of destroying physical pieces of art.

[52:52] If you destroyed every copy of boat trip, I'd be fine.

[52:54] Like you get, there's no reason this needs to exist.

[52:56] Like just burn them all.

[52:57] There's a period of time where people forget the past, man.

[52:59] That's true.

[53:00] You have one in the museum.

[53:01] It's like, it's like a Confederate statue.

[53:02] You keep one in a museum so people can remember, remember the mistakes.

[53:06] Yeah.

[53:07] Okay.

[53:08] Well, you've successfully almost made me forget my point, but it was that the most charitable

[53:11] viewing again, one I do not hold would be like, we are slipping in this message of tolerance

[53:17] in a, in a form that the biggest doofus is, uh, would be receptive to it.

[53:23] Uh, so let's make the movie homophobes would find funny and then we'll slip in a message

[53:27] and they'll walk out changed.

[53:28] Yes.

[53:29] But unfortunately it's boat trip.

[53:32] It's horrible.

[53:33] Um, so anyway, uh, sans of course does terribly at poker, but he is connecting with these,

[53:40] uh, men through the shared masculine language of poker.

[53:43] So maybe that'll help him, uh, change his mind.

[53:46] At one point, one of the people he's playing poker with is, um, is the, is the slob part

[53:50] of the brain from Herman's head, right?

[53:52] Yes.

[53:53] It is.

[53:54] Yeah.

[53:55] Um, and I believe they're the dealer who at one point, uh, calls three card Monte, which

[53:59] is not a poker variant.

[54:01] It is a street scam, but, um, uh, Cuba finally, uh, finds Gabriella and immediately falls

[54:10] into the pool again.

[54:12] Uh,

[54:14] Karen laughs every time.

[54:16] Every, there's nothing funnier than falling.

[54:18] It wasn't even understood it.

[54:20] It's a wonderful life.

[54:21] Understood it.

[54:22] People falling in pools.

[54:23] Funny.

[54:24] Um, sans said Boulevard understands it.

[54:27] They do it three times.

[54:29] Yeah.

[54:30] Every joke is funnier.

[54:32] Three times.

[54:33] Finds Inga from the bikini team who, uh, because she is a Swedish, uh, and loose in her morals,

[54:41] uh, sans, uh, he's like, well, it's my understanding from your films that, uh, you'll just have

[54:47] sex with anyone basically is what he says.

[54:49] And she's like, yeah, if you were straight, I totally would.

[54:51] And he's like, yeah, I'm straight.

[54:53] So they're going to have sex.

[54:55] And this is miss world, Sweden, Victoria Silvestre Silvestre whose name I always think is Silverstead,

[55:00] but it's not.

[55:01] And mind you, the, the idea that, that Horatio Sanz has watched a lot of Swedish erotica

[55:07] feels like a joke from 1973.

[55:09] Like this was 2002.

[55:12] Americans were making plenty of pornography at that point.

[55:15] You didn't have to sit through all of I am curious yellows, political diatribes to see

[55:19] some penetration, you know?

[55:21] Yeah.

[55:22] He's like the, uh, the Mondo Connie, uh, sauna scenes lead me to believe that it is.

[55:28] I mean, I bet you have a bunch of vinegar syndrome schoolgirl reports that I've been

[55:32] watching.

[55:33] I watched Bergman's summer with Monica and it's led me to believe.

[55:37] I, I think this, a lot of this is you have to lay at the feet of, of Mort Nathan.

[55:42] I assume that he is not, he is working off the frame of reference of an older person

[55:47] who's making this movie.

[55:49] They made him cut all the Nixon jokes, but, uh, while fans is busy buying condoms, uh,

[55:56] uh, lynch as a joke, by the way, describe the joke.

[56:01] Tell us about the Joe.

[56:02] Okay.

[56:03] So Joe sands goes into like the shop on the, on the cruise ship and says, do you guys have

[56:07] any condoms?

[56:08] And every single person in the scene, customer and clerk alike pulls out a different kind

[56:13] of condom because you know what?

[56:14] It was 2002 and gays were all wearing them a lot.

[56:18] Uh, even that, even that funny joke has an undercurrent of tragedy to it, you know?

[56:23] I mean, sure.

[56:24] But I mean, so does this movie.

[56:25] Yeah.

[56:26] Fair point.

[56:27] Fair.

[56:28] Yeah.

[56:30] I can't be entrusted in this room with a mini bar Inga, cause you eat too much to be on

[56:34] this bikini team, which led to a scene I never expected to see, which is lynching grabbing,

[56:39] uh, Victoria Silverstrats, uh, bikini, but over and over calling her fatty as she pushes

[56:45] her out of the room.

[56:46] Cool.

[56:47] Yeah.

[56:48] That's a cool, uh, another layer of bad messaging of this movie.

[56:51] Uh, you know, okay.

[56:54] The lynching scenes, I feel like the movie reaches a heightened level of kind of like

[57:00] extreme.

[57:01] I don't know exactly how to put it.

[57:02] It feels like in those moments, the movie gets like harsher and weirder and rougher

[57:06] in a way that I did not expect from it.

[57:08] Yeah.

[57:09] I don't feel safe now.

[57:10] Yes.

[57:11] Yeah.

[57:12] This was a, if there's a movie, I feel like there's a movie where lynching is doing that

[57:15] same character in that same performance, but the whole movie is pitched that way.

[57:18] And it's a very camp movie for lack of a better word.

[57:21] And that would make more sense to me.

[57:22] She, it feels like she's doing a camp role in a movie that is not a camp movie.

[57:25] Well, yeah.

[57:26] Like they can't decide, is she the sort of like traditional, you know, dikey coach that's

[57:32] like, you know, tormenting all of her young charges or is she a horny old broad, you know?

[57:39] And like they, they, it just, it's whatever she needs to be in the moment to do something

[57:43] that is offensive or outrageous.

[57:45] Yes.

[57:46] And so they're just kind of just stringing along these as with everything else, this

[57:51] would be a bunch of dumb stereotypes in the thought that anyone is going to find this

[57:56] amusing.

[57:57] I did find that very confusing because it was like, okay, so this is very much a butch

[58:01] lesbian stereotype.

[58:02] And yet she's also like chasing Horatio Sands, like, you know, she's in a Tex Avery cartoon

[58:09] or something.

[58:10] If the movie had been about Horatio Sands, he has, he, before he gets on the trip, he's

[58:17] like, oh, I'll get some new sunblock.

[58:18] He accidentally picks up radioactive sunblock from a laboratory experiment.

[58:22] The X body spray people have been doing like this, the attractiveness level of this body

[58:26] spray.

[58:27] The sunblock is just too powerful.

[58:28] We can't let out in the public, but it gets out by accident, like a interspace type scenario.

[58:32] And now he, everyone is chasing after him.

[58:35] That's a, you know, that would make more sense in this.

[58:37] Maybe it's a cut scene.

[58:38] Yeah.

[58:39] Yeah.

[58:40] It's probably cut out.

[58:41] And that's why Leach and Roger Moore can't keep their eyes off him, you know?

[58:44] There's also a smarter movie in which it turns out that all of Horatio Sands is egregious

[58:50] skirt chasing is a, is a cover for his own nascent homosexuality that he discovers while

[58:57] taking the boat trip.

[58:58] But nobody wanted to make that movie.

[59:00] At least not this crap.

[59:01] The movie faints at that briefly in that direction.

[59:04] Yeah.

[59:05] Not the way Kubrick Jr. fainted, but it seems like it's going to be that movie.

[59:09] And then the movie is like, uh, I don't think so.

[59:12] Wait, is this one?

[59:13] He goes back to his friends, his new friend's room.

[59:17] I'll tell you exactly where we are in the plot, Stuart.

[59:20] Thank you for redirecting us.

[59:22] Dan's the captain of this ship and Stuart is the navigator.

[59:25] I'm the mate.

[59:26] You know, Cuba and Gabrielle are bonding some because she thinks he's gay.

[59:32] She's comfortable enough to tell him he has a hot ass.

[59:34] And she's like, oh, I'm so tired of being around hetero men who are always hitting on

[59:38] me and I don't have to worry about that.

[59:40] And it's great to be on a gay cruise.

[59:42] And even if but and if I get horny, maybe I can find a gay man to do me the quote favor

[59:48] of screwing my brains out, which is not, I think, how it works.

[59:51] But it does convince Cuba to keep up this charade in the hopes that he can be said,

[59:58] you know.

[1:00:00] Also of utility there's this thing called bisexuals

[1:00:05] The other thing

[1:00:06] I feel like if you told anyone working on this movie that that was the thing that existed they would be they would be shocked

[1:00:13] They would faint the way that people

[1:00:17] Women yeah, well, yeah their head would start overheating

[1:00:21] They'd start making a noise like a computer fan. That's been running for too long

[1:00:26] Yeah, so, you know

[1:00:30] Returning to the low comedy of Horatio sands. Oh, so you're saying this is yeah, this is a classic structure

[1:00:39] Parallel each other exactly

[1:00:46] Thinking he's performing cunnilingus on

[1:00:50] Inga he's instead going down a lynch a who clamps her thighs onto him like Xenia on a top in golden eye and

[1:00:57] She rides him to completion and he's only able to get her off by spraying her with a fire extinguisher

[1:01:03] So that when all the other girls burst into the room

[1:01:06] It looks like smoke is coming from between her legs and Inga says her pussy exploded

[1:01:12] So that's a thing that's in the movie boat

[1:01:16] It's also and this is again

[1:01:18] This is the this is a boat where all the doors are open all the time

[1:01:22] And what this classic classic farce thing of somebody walking into a dark room not realizing the person they expect to be there is not

[1:01:29] There and just not bothering even to check to double

[1:01:33] so many fucking time

[1:01:38] You know on land

[1:01:40] Also a cruise that had enough unbooked cabins to accommodate the Swedish bikini team after their helicopter crash

[1:01:46] This is I wish that I would now I wish there was a scene where they're like

[1:01:48] This is the final year of this cruise

[1:01:54] Back on land Felicia slash Vivica a Fox seems dissatisfied with a new boyfriend stares wistfully at a photo of her in Cuba

[1:02:02] That's still in her home. Um

[1:02:05] Meanwhile, that's a bold move to break up with somebody and still have the studio portrait you took with them

[1:02:11] Yeah, it's like it's like confirmation of your kill

[1:02:15] Skimming over what was the reason was it just that he seems like a dumb guy. What was the reason that she was?

[1:02:20] Suddenly off him. I don't know. Do we really?

[1:02:25] He's bad at detailing cars apparently because he can't control the buffer

[1:02:29] He's like he's like buffing a car and then she not quite flashes him because she's wearing

[1:02:33] Yeah

[1:02:33] underneath and he loses control of it and she takes this very clear scene that he is

[1:02:39] As like we got to get rid of him. No, thank you

[1:02:42] Ix name

[1:02:45] Yeah, I'm just gonna skim over some stuff, you know Cuba

[1:02:50] enlists Horatio and the scam to

[1:02:53] Keep acting gay so he can woo Gabrielle, which is dumb, but these are two idiots. So I believe Chuck and Larry portion of the movie

[1:03:03] There's a dance scene where

[1:03:06] You know sans cut cuts loose

[1:03:09] Dances a little bit more seems momentarily interested in maybe being Roger Moore sugar, baby until his homophobia wins out

[1:03:17] They hang out some more blah blah blah

[1:03:20] Seen where he and that guy share that bottle of Louis the 13th, which is one of many similarities

[1:03:27] Trying to get to this scene for a long time

[1:03:30] There's the scene in here I mentioned before where sans tries to get back to Inga and is intercepted by Lin Shay who

[1:03:37] deep throats

[1:03:39] Baseball bat she can please him as well. It doesn't have to be just a one-way thing and it's one of these things where it's

[1:03:45] like

[1:03:46] Horatio, I know you've got your eye on this this bikini model

[1:03:48] But this is exactly what you wanted when you got onto this cruise

[1:03:52] You wanted to find a single woman who wanted nothing more than to have sex with you

[1:03:55] It's being offered to you on an open platter like well

[1:03:59] Yeah, and is she quite possibly the only woman on earth who would find his oral skills satisfactory? It's yeah, that's

[1:04:06] I

[1:04:09] Honestly don't believe that character is that unselfish a lover Frank no and also it's him later on

[1:04:14] He talks about how he's only had sex once so he's never done that before probably unless he's unless he's the Mozart of

[1:04:20] Cunnilingus and he's just a natural born. We can only assume that Sally area's fuming in comes F. Marie Abraham in a towel

[1:04:28] Salieri is like

[1:04:30] To get women off and I'm trying really hard. I read books on it Mozart. He barely even tries this first

[1:04:37] We can only assume that it's because she clamps so hard onto his face that he's screaming for help and that is

[1:04:43] Some vibration of vigorous. Yeah

[1:04:46] There's a really long scene of Cuba getting jr. Gabriela dancing

[1:04:52] So

[1:04:53] At a certain point you were just watching two actors dance with no character to it and no scene to it and it's like

[1:05:02] Everything all artifice just falls away and you were left with two bodies with art

[1:05:09] Yeah, this you're right, you know what that's that's true if I follow the rules I set in my new key presentation years ago

[1:05:14] This is this just seeing two people existing on film no longer characters

[1:05:19] No longer in a scene, but just exactly in the characters. They are just dancing. You know, this is art

[1:05:24] You know what boat trips a great movie now that we talk about it

[1:05:26] Yeah, the same way that Fred and ginger weren't having sex. They just took it to the floor, you know

[1:05:33] Particularly great dancers, I think

[1:05:36] Is that we're when keeping in jr. And Rosalyn Sanchez are dancing. They're not terror. It's not funny like bad dancing

[1:05:41] It's just kind of it looks like you're just watching two people at a wedding like it's not there's nothing going on and it's not

[1:05:46] Like the scene in

[1:05:47] Is it God's country?

[1:05:49] Is that the Louie mall documentary where you're watching this small wedding and people are dancing and there's something kind of profound about just

[1:05:54] Existing in the moment of this this kind of rural wedding. It's not that you're just watching two idiots, you know

[1:05:59] Just dancing and that's it. That's just that's it

[1:06:02] around this point

[1:06:04] Sam's has a conversation with Hector about how he's finally seeing gay men as full human beings

[1:06:08] But it still feels weird about hanging out with them which makes him realize that maybe he's a jerk and

[1:06:15] Hector talks about his coming out and how his dad eventually accepted loved him and his dad wasn't a jerk and neither sands

[1:06:21] I'm like, I don't know about

[1:06:23] Even if it's setting aside the homophobia the rest of his personality. He's a jerk. Yeah. Yeah

[1:06:30] Gabriela and Jerry take some undefined drugs and

[1:06:34] She wants him to show her to get better Cruz better head with a banana and he's too homophobic to even blow a piece

[1:06:43] Of fruit so he asked her to show her technique

[1:06:45] This is now the second actress who performs fellatio on an object in the movie boat trip

[1:06:51] Okay

[1:06:52] So I gotta I gotta give this character a hot tip if a woman you're interested is like show me some sexual stuff

[1:06:58] Just fucking do it dude, just like go nuts because he behaves as if like if he were to take his wiener out

[1:07:07] You'd be like, I don't know

[1:07:11] Also peel the banana

[1:07:16] I mean, it would be again

[1:07:17] This would be a funny joke if she's like show me what to do on this and he's like, uh,

[1:07:20] He unpeels it and then puts it in some cereal

[1:07:23] So anyway, I just need to get through this next thing because it is uh, all right, let's do it no one's insane

[1:07:31] So anyway, Jerry is so overcome with horniness seeing this that

[1:07:37] You know, she's like, where'd you go and cut to him in the stateroom bathroom?

[1:07:41] He's sticking his dick out the window and then cut to a man downstairs

[1:07:45] Talking to Roger Moore saying for goodness sake Lloyd just kissed me first and he has come on his face

[1:07:50] There's he's you know, you're to believe that Cuba has ejaculated out the window onto an unsuspecting man

[1:07:57] physics of this because so he he felt he could not go into the bathroom a

[1:08:02] Place where things that come out of your penis often end up and are and can be taken away

[1:08:06] He had to go to a short hole in your house. Maybe take his penis out of the porthole again, right?

[1:08:11] Luckily, this is not the porthole of time and his penis doesn't show up in 17th century, France

[1:08:15] To kill a butterfly

[1:08:22] What if he stuck his dick out it's the portal of time he ejaculates on a butterfly everything

[1:08:28] But and then that like I couldn't tell if it was that like the wind caught it and and brought back around

[1:08:36] That's what happens

[1:08:38] Yeah, like the you know the platform below they're out on the deck, you know, and yeah

[1:08:46] That's assuming the boat isn't moving at all though, because you know, I think there's gonna be a there's wind and drag involved here

[1:08:53] Yeah, that's yeah, you want the kind of drag we'll be getting later in the movie

[1:08:56] You wanted a shot where the camera took the jizz I view and we get to follow the jizz

[1:09:01] Yeah

[1:09:04] Like a Forrest Gump with the feather, but it's just

[1:09:08] One was flute on the soundtrack. That was jizz instead of a feather and Forrest Gump would be a very different movie

[1:09:13] I don't see it winning Best Picture

[1:09:16] That's Forrest Pump

[1:09:20] He's just he's just he's jizzing into chocolates and then serving them to people and the

[1:09:25] But also that when he says oh buy me buy me a meal at dinner first or something like that

[1:09:30] Like so you're having to leave three things one on a gate on a gate cruise

[1:09:34] It is unpleasant to be surprised by having ejaculate, but you're surprised by that

[1:09:40] No, no, I think like the idea that he's so nonplussed. He's so

[1:09:44] Nonchalant accepting. Yeah, but also that was Roger Moore supposed to ejaculate out of his nose like he's standing next to you fully close

[1:09:52] To fully dress me. Where does he think that came from?

[1:09:54] Yeah, if I was on a cruise I would

[1:10:00] Like, the joke should have been that he thought a seagull pooped on him, or something like that.

[1:10:04] Like, that's something that happens on cruises, that would make sense to me, but...

[1:10:07] Or maybe he thought a fucking... Or there could have been a poolside orgy 15 feet away, you know.

[1:10:11] Yes, yes. Or a seagull jizzed on him.

[1:10:13] Or a seagull jizzed on him, yeah. Seagulls have needs, too.

[1:10:16] VoteTrip wants it to be absolutely clear to you that this is Jerry's cum on this man's face.

[1:10:24] And it wants you to laugh and laugh and laugh at this fact.

[1:10:27] Everyone should have had the Gallagher poncho on, because they were clearly in the splash zone, you know.

[1:10:34] Anyway...

[1:10:35] But it is very... It is a weird choice to ejaculate out of a porthole, rather than, say, into a tissue.

[1:10:42] And to think that the guy next to you wearing pants did it to you.

[1:10:46] Yes, yeah.

[1:10:47] I gotta admit, I had to rewind and rewatch this sequence again, just to make sure that I actually saw what I thought I saw.

[1:10:54] The storytelling is also not clear. Like, it's also not... It's not well edited.

[1:10:58] George Miller didn't put this together.

[1:11:00] Oh, there would... It would have been... George Miller did... It would have been all shots that are less than a second long.

[1:11:04] Like, half a second. And it would have been so clear and exciting.

[1:11:07] You'd know exactly what's happening. It would be centered in the middle of the frame, no matter how much motion was going on around it.

[1:11:12] Oh, what a... What a great filmmaker.

[1:11:14] Also, how bad is sex with Cuba Gooding Jr. if all he has to do is watch a woman mime Felicia on a banana,

[1:11:21] and he comes in two seconds.

[1:11:25] Hands are free.

[1:11:26] Yeah, his hands are, like, braced on the sides of the wall, right?

[1:11:30] As if he's worried that the force of the ejaculate will propel him backwards, like finding a gun on the moon.

[1:11:35] Or he's gonna go out the porthole crotch first if he's not careful.

[1:11:39] Yeah.

[1:11:41] Anyway, Stuart, this is... This is... We've finally gotten to the senior...

[1:11:45] Anyway, happy Pride Month, everybody.

[1:11:47] Woo! LGBT visibility, everybody.

[1:11:52] Horatio's hanging out with one of his new friends in their stateroom.

[1:11:56] They drink too much of Louis XIII, the very fancy booze.

[1:12:00] Okay. Yeah, what is this type of alcohol, Stuart?

[1:12:03] The king who is king.

[1:12:04] You seem very concerned.

[1:12:05] I was talking about Cuba Jr.'s penis going through the porthole, too.

[1:12:09] There was a... Like, it used to be, like, the fanciest of fancy. I think it's a cognac.

[1:12:14] Okay.

[1:12:14] But it, like, used to be the fanciest of fancies.

[1:12:17] Remember the bottle of cognac that Paul Giamatti steals at the end of The Holdovers?

[1:12:21] Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[1:12:22] It's that kind of thing.

[1:12:23] Oh, okay.

[1:12:24] Okay.

[1:12:24] It's one of many similarities between this and...

[1:12:25] I'm not taking shots of it, but this seems...

[1:12:27] I mean, The Holdovers is basically just...

[1:12:29] Practically a remake, yeah.

[1:12:30] Yeah, just a boat trip, you know.

[1:12:32] Anyway, he wakes up in this man's bed, which causes him to scream and run back to his own room.

[1:12:39] And he admits that he hasn't had sex since high school.

[1:12:44] I will say, this sequence is less upsetting than the sequence in Ace Ventura, when he finds out he's slept with...

[1:12:52] Oh, good lord.

[1:12:53] Yes, when he finds out he just was kissed by someone.

[1:12:55] Yeah.

[1:12:56] Yeah, he...

[1:12:56] Was trans, I guess?

[1:12:58] Yeah, I guess we stepped over that low bar.

[1:13:00] But he...

[1:13:02] So you're saying in the ten years between Ace Ventura and boat trip, there had been a minimal amount...

[1:13:08] Small, yeah, small...

[1:13:09] A millimeter's progress.

[1:13:11] He is now wondering whether he is gay.

[1:13:15] And instead of following up on this dramatic thread, we immediately cut away to Gabrielle, who's showing Jerry around some gracious island.

[1:13:25] And while they're ashore, Felicia Vivica Fox appears, having tracked him down, gets on the boat, unbeknownst to him.

[1:13:33] Has tracked him down, found the boat, gets on the boat, also doesn't know it's a gay cruise.

[1:13:37] I was about to say, also clueless about the nature of this cruise.

[1:13:41] The people in Clueless had more of a clue than these characters.

[1:13:46] I would argue that many of the characters in Clueless have plenty of clues.

[1:13:50] Is this a murder mystery?

[1:13:51] What about without a clue?

[1:13:55] Michael Caine...

[1:13:56] Anyway, Inga says goodbye to Nick slash Horatio Sands, inviting him to come to Sweden and have sex with her anytime.

[1:14:03] But he's got a new gayer attitude, and he's like, I don't care anymore.

[1:14:07] And this leads his buddy to be like, you know, we didn't actually have sex, which immediately ends him questioning his sexuality.

[1:14:14] And he sends him running after Inga.

[1:14:16] If I can't score a hottie like his friend just made, which is just like, dude, he's way out of your league, Horatio Sands.

[1:14:24] I would believe that Horatio Sands is so not in touch with his own feelings and emotions that he doesn't even know what type of human being he's attracted to until someone tells him, basically.

[1:14:34] And there's a scene here where Roger Moore and Hector lament losing this doofus to heterosexuality.

[1:14:41] And that rang less than true to me that they would be disappointed.

[1:14:46] What a loss for everyone.

[1:14:48] Yeah, I think they say, like, he could have been one of the best or something like that.

[1:14:54] Yeah, what are the rankings?

[1:14:59] Anyway, Gabrielle kisses Cuba beneath the tree, and she apologizes for me pushing him into something he doesn't want to do.

[1:15:06] And he's like, whatever, let's do it.

[1:15:07] And they fuck so hard, a bunch of oranges fall from the tree.

[1:15:10] Not just a bunch, a fucking mountain of oranges.

[1:15:13] They are neck deep in oranges.

[1:15:15] It covers their entire bodies, thus making the movie PG-13.

[1:15:19] What? I don't know.

[1:15:21] But it's a perfect grocery store pyramid.

[1:15:24] Yeah, well, yeah, now that he got that confidence nut out the fucking porthole, he's got plenty of stamina to knock all those fruits off the tree.

[1:15:32] Yeah, but right after that, immediately afterward, she's regretful because there's no future for them and she needs some time alone.

[1:15:40] And she goes back to the boat where she meets Vivica Fox in the elevator.

[1:15:43] That's when Vivica Fox learns it's a gay cruise.

[1:15:46] And she's like, what?

[1:15:47] I came here to get back with my boyfriend.

[1:15:48] What's going on?

[1:15:50] And someone in the dancing stage show is too sick to dance.

[1:15:55] So one option.

[1:15:56] Jerry's sick.

[1:15:57] Sounds like it could be like a 30s backstage musical.

[1:16:00] Yeah, Jerry subs in.

[1:16:03] I'm not sure why, because he hasn't.

[1:16:04] You're going out there a chorus boy, but you've got to come back.

[1:16:09] But I'm too sick to dance.

[1:16:11] There's only one cure for you.

[1:16:12] That's tapping your feet.

[1:16:14] He puts on a call in the dance doctor.

[1:16:19] I'm prescribing to actually, this sounds like the scene in the musical.

[1:16:23] That's the backstage musical is about.

[1:16:24] Yeah, it's like, Doc, I'm sick.

[1:16:26] I'm I'm prescribing to dance and feet and call me in the morning.

[1:16:30] And then they sing a song about, you know, the best medicine is at a sold out house.

[1:16:34] Your feet are too sad.

[1:16:37] It all devolves into into Busby Berkeley, geometric patterns of women on the floor.

[1:16:41] Anyway, yeah, doesn't really matter what the song is about.

[1:16:44] Jerry Don's a gold headdress, mesh, gold chain, top and shorts.

[1:16:48] And he does the dance.

[1:16:50] And though, dude.

[1:16:52] Yeah, it's not great.

[1:16:53] But you see his little butt at one point.

[1:16:55] What's it?

[1:16:56] I'm coming out.

[1:16:58] That's right.

[1:16:59] Because I believe in the move out of porthole.

[1:17:01] He learned he learned how to pretend to be a portal.

[1:17:04] That's the parentheses.

[1:17:05] I'm coming out of a portal.

[1:17:09] He's getting junior sperm.

[1:17:12] Yeah, this is after earlier in the movie when he learning how to be gay basically just meant learning the lyrics to I will survive.

[1:17:19] That was pretty much it.

[1:17:21] Because again, this movie's really just got its finger on the gay pulse.

[1:17:27] Get all the gay men of 2003.

[1:17:30] They could not get enough of I will.

[1:17:34] This, of course, convinces Felicia all the more that he's gay.

[1:17:38] They have a conference confrontation about how she wants him back where he makes a lot of talk to the hand gestures and fair to Felicia.

[1:17:46] If I was tracking down my ex-boyfriend to get him back, I found out he was on a gay cruise and he was performing in drag performing the song.

[1:17:54] I would I would it would be hard for to convince me that he was actually gay.

[1:17:57] If you were doing that, I would think that you would already know that he was gay.

[1:18:02] Yeah.

[1:18:03] I mean, to be honest, if if I was in a relationship with this person and I didn't have a feeling that they were gay and then I suddenly found them a situation and I didn't suddenly have flashbacks to many,

[1:18:13] many incidents where I should have realized it, it would it would I was that's on me then.

[1:18:18] At that.

[1:18:18] Yeah, it doesn't feel like a jump to conclusions.

[1:18:20] Let's say, yeah, my my my wife is aware.

[1:18:23] Elliot, are you?

[1:18:24] Are you the Vivica Fox character?

[1:18:25] I'm Vivica Fox in this situation.

[1:18:26] I was going to say, I kind of feel like you could pull off that Cuba outfit.

[1:18:30] He's wearing there with the headpiece and all the chains.

[1:18:33] If I was if I'd be lying, I said the thought didn't pass through my head that I could pull it off if I really tried.

[1:18:39] And I was saying that you, Elliot Kalin, would presumably already know that your boyfriend was gay.

[1:18:44] If I have a boyfriend.

[1:18:44] Yes, it would be.

[1:18:45] I would be very.

[1:18:46] That would be the first.

[1:18:48] Elliot, hear me out.

[1:18:49] The gold lame a, you know, peacock feather ensemble,

[1:18:53] but we add a Carmen Miranda fruity headdress.

[1:18:57] I mean, the only thing that I don't like about that is I hate fruit.

[1:19:00] Don't want to be near it.

[1:19:01] Don't like to eat it.

[1:19:01] Don't like to touch it or smell it.

[1:19:03] But otherwise, I think it'd be great.

[1:19:04] I think it's a great look.

[1:19:05] Yeah.

[1:19:05] What if it's wax?

[1:19:07] Okay.

[1:19:07] Yes, then a hundred thousand percent.

[1:19:08] Yes, but I was going to say instead of how about instead of that?

[1:19:11] It's like ham and chicken fried.

[1:19:14] If it was if it was a Carmen Miranda headdress of just Popeye's fried chicken,

[1:19:17] then yes, the only problem is I'm going to keep trying to eat it while I'm dancing,

[1:19:20] which and also the hot grease that's flowing down my head,

[1:19:23] which would be very distracting.

[1:19:24] I think although I'm now thinking about a Carmen Miranda headdress with the centerpiece is the colonel's bucket,

[1:19:29] you know, and I think that could really work.

[1:19:31] It's kind of off angle just slightly.

[1:19:33] Yeah, it's a solid.

[1:19:34] That's a solid main filter,

[1:19:36] you know?

[1:19:36] Yeah, that's a solid main stage.

[1:19:38] Look on an episode of drag race.

[1:19:40] Yeah, category is franchise restaurant.

[1:19:44] I'm presenting herbs and spices realness with this one.

[1:19:48] Look at the sexy Wendy's.

[1:19:51] Yeah, I was going to say earlier.

[1:19:52] My wife is so good at recognizing that I am annoyed at her before it even occurs to me

[1:19:57] that I'm annoyed at her about something that the idea.

[1:20:00] that Vivica Fox does not know her boyfriend might be gay is is she's just

[1:20:04] they don't have a great relationship I guess that's really what it is they

[1:20:06] don't yeah I mean I feel like we it's pretty clear um well anyway he yells a

[1:20:10] lot about how he's not gay and how he pretended just to be with this girl

[1:20:14] classic joke setting up the greatest joke in movies right yeah he does a

[1:20:18] literal she's right behind me isn't she and at that point I throw my television

[1:20:22] out the window I pluck my eyes out to a meat grinder puncture my eardrums with

[1:20:31] knitting needles yeah and I have blessed peace what a terrible what a terrible

[1:20:37] like oh man in 2002 yeah that's two they're doing that joke and Felicia's

[1:20:44] like well it seems like we both had our fling I'm willing to overlook yours if

[1:20:48] you'll overlook mine and we could get married and there's a genuinely

[1:20:51] surprising smash cut to some wedding photos being taken of the two of them it

[1:20:56] turns out they're not married just yet these are you know pre wedding photos

[1:20:59] yeah yeah you say it as if it's obvious people often take photos before the

[1:21:08] ceremony yeah mm-hmm yeah and after though I'm saying

[1:21:13] afterwards anarchy breaks okay anyway point is they're not married yet we meet

[1:21:19] Felicia's father the wedding the dress is too covered in chicken blood from the

[1:21:22] end of the right yeah the father is I don't even know what stereotype I'm I'm

[1:21:28] we don't know but I just want to get out the sins whose father is is played by

[1:21:35] Richard Roundtree totally wasted in this role almost nothing he's barely in the

[1:21:41] movie I want to point out that Richard Roundtree played one of the played a gay

[1:21:46] character on the short-lived TV show rock ROC which was a very big deal of

[1:21:52] the time it was a one episode thing but it was like ooh shaft is playing a gay

[1:21:57] guy like he was one of the first sort of traditionally like you know famous for

[1:22:02] playing a big macho character character actors to then be like and yes I'm now

[1:22:07] playing a gay guy on this TV show yeah and he's like I got my eye on you which

[1:22:11] doesn't it seems like it might pay off but doesn't we'll get there it does and

[1:22:15] also the fact that he is best known as shaft and this is a movie that should

[1:22:18] be full of dick jokes also yeah interesting during the wedding the

[1:22:32] officiant played by Thomas Lennon is distracted with by his wife running off

[1:22:36] and someone else was briefly confused me because he has a clerical collar which I

[1:22:40] associate with Catholicism but apparently Anglicans Methodists

[1:22:44] Presbyterians Lutheran not all ministers on this one but they can but they often

[1:22:48] do where I mean Reverend Lovejoy on The Simpsons was a clerical collar and he's

[1:22:52] married you know yeah but he's a cartoon Elliot I mean I hope said that cartoon

[1:22:58] priest I do believe that Protestantism is something that I know a little bit

[1:23:02] more about and that is like this is not actually common unless you are relatively

[1:23:07] close to well maybe for big showy events like weddings you know they pull

[1:23:11] out all the stops Thomas Lennon looks like a baby he looks so young in this

[1:23:16] yes and it's a it's a very and it feels like a very unnecessary go-to joke to

[1:23:21] have the person officiating it also like mad at his wife or mad at some person in

[1:23:26] his past yeah he can't stop bringing up that was very of the time joke um so

[1:23:31] they use the part about are there any objections and the poker buddies from

[1:23:36] the crews and Horatio sands all the cagey and tell sands finally speaks up

[1:23:40] and he says Jerry needs to be the person he really loves and that's me and he

[1:23:45] kisses him to cover for saying that he knows where Gabriella is I guess this is

[1:23:51] to show that he's overcome his homophobia but it seems like an

[1:23:55] unnecessary distraction he'd just be like let's go

[1:23:59] especially runs off with Jerry it's not like that like he could he just say no

[1:24:02] you should be with Gabriella and I know where she is let's go like it's yeah he

[1:24:06] thinks he needs to shock Jerry out of this marriage stupor could be also high

[1:24:12] and we're also we're also setting up you know the remainder of the film in which

[1:24:15] gay people are useful as long as they're there to assist straight people in their

[1:24:20] agenda yeah yeah this is a point where they're like also let's run away from

[1:24:25] the scary dad the dad does not chase them you know there's no payoff for that

[1:24:31] they run outside I wonder if they hired Richard Ramsey they cast him and they

[1:24:35] were like and now there's the scene where you're chasing after them and then

[1:24:37] you fall into a cake and he's like not happening the bride's dad and Arthur is

[1:24:43] more scarier than this guy so they run outside Hector's firetruck is waiting to

[1:24:51] speed them away to a prop plane where Roger Moore makes a big speech about his

[1:24:55] military service you know proving I guess that gay people are valuable

[1:25:01] because they can also be butch I don't know he's actually playing folks in this

[1:25:05] movie which no yeah it's a Roger Moore deep cut for anybody who wanted that and

[1:25:10] there is there's there's one moment in this where they're in that firetruck and

[1:25:14] the siren is going and then that we see that a police officer is also stopped

[1:25:18] traffic I guess that they can go faster and Hector like arranged with him and

[1:25:21] he's I guess also a gay police officer and there's a brief moment of like if

[1:25:25] this movie there's that I could see this movie turning into like an invasion of

[1:25:30] the body snatchers type thing we're just learning how many people around them are

[1:25:34] gay in positions of authority and power yeah there is an organization for gay

[1:25:40] cops and firemen called guns and hoses thank you I'm not making that up that's

[1:25:44] amazing what a great name so they parachute on to the new crews where

[1:25:52] Gabrielle is working which of course by the rules of screenwriting and symmetry

[1:25:56] is a lesbian cruise they drop into the pool again symmetry and he declares his

[1:26:04] love right exam it's called good writing someone read it's great fucking writing

[1:26:08] man we did see a movie about a cat on a boat but it was like a mutant oh I've

[1:26:23] seen that one but look the dog is saved and wearing an adorable tuxedo yeah love

[1:26:27] it uh yeah so she's like you lied your way into my bed but because this is a

[1:26:33] terrible movie with bad attitude she forgives him he does kiss her before she

[1:26:37] can finish talking yeah wins Roger Moore the lesbians understandably shake their

[1:26:43] heads and dismay this last scene in the movie we're always chasing the numbers

[1:26:48] you know yeah like they're like I don't get it and they're like I mean it just

[1:26:53] I don't even understand the joke because it's like the idea that like I don't get

[1:26:57] what hetero people see each other seeing each other it's like it's just human

[1:26:59] attraction like it's not all grown up surrounded by them or anything I don't

[1:27:06] get it this month the mainstream monoculture that I've had to swim in my

[1:27:10] entire life I choose to read it as a specific reaction to these two idiots

[1:27:15] okay well that's I think the audience shares that then but then I then I don't

[1:27:19] know then it's inconsistent with Roger Moore who has done everything he can to

[1:27:22] help this happen and it's like it seems like to me now when he gazes upon the

[1:27:27] results of his work he's despondent yeah it's like up and what have I done I've

[1:27:32] become look upon my works and despair yeah when he's surrounded by all the

[1:27:37] cheering people at the wedding and he's like oh my god are they monsters what's

[1:27:41] happening exactly yeah Horatio Sands remember him he's he's

[1:27:47] scaling a snowy mountain yelling Inga Inga he's taken in to buy the her family

[1:27:54] into this cottage only to learn that she's in an alpine cottage yeah seems to

[1:27:58] be from another century yeah and on the very peak of a mountain like the end of

[1:28:03] Lost Horizon yeah he learns that he is missing because she's in Italy right now

[1:28:09] but not to worry her equally hot younger sister is there but oh so is Lin Shay

[1:28:14] credits man credits of the movie but you know I always love it when a movie sets

[1:28:19] up a sequel perfectly what ski trip is ski trip gonna be the sequel sure yeah

[1:28:26] the closing credits are Comic Sans which is perfect as a it's the laziest font

[1:28:31] unimaginable and be it's Horatio Sands I wish the movie was Sans Sans not very

[1:28:42] Comic Sans show I will go on record as saying that the only time I've ever

[1:28:48] laughed at Horatio Sands was one time when I was in the audience of a UCB

[1:28:52] screening of a UCB movie in the old old UCB theater and Horatio Sands trying to

[1:28:57] sneak into a seat without since the lights had gone down stepped on a soda

[1:29:01] can really loudly and went oh shit and anything he's ever done huh well since

[1:29:09] we're getting into judgments let's do our final judgments about whether this is

[1:29:13] a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie you kind of like I want to read a

[1:29:18] couple of quotes from the Wikipedia page one from seats for one from Roger Ebert

[1:29:24] who wrote this is a movie made for nobody about nothing and and Wikipedia

[1:29:32] also says quote many many viewed the film as homophobic although a reviewer

[1:29:38] for The Advocate wrote that the film was too terrible to protest so I guess you

[1:29:44] know I don't reviewer for The Advocate I don't know if I was that reviewer but I

[1:29:48] was definitely the editor of that reviewer because I was working at The

[1:29:51] Advocate at that time and I went to see this movie at a press screening it was

[1:29:56] me and another critic who is now retired but also gay

[1:30:00] He spent the entire film groaning through the movie and then gave it kind of a positive

[1:30:04] review.

[1:30:05] I don't know why.

[1:30:06] It was groaning in pleasure through the movie.

[1:30:07] Yeah.

[1:30:08] Perhaps.

[1:30:09] Yeah.

[1:30:10] There was no porthole in that screening room.

[1:30:11] My final judgment is this is an awful, awful movie.

[1:30:16] Most of the time we watch these movies sort of vaguely hoping, you know, maybe we'll find

[1:30:20] something that we actually sort of enjoyed or at least something that can be enjoyed

[1:30:26] ironically, if not normally, I don't know what normally is for its own merits, I guess.

[1:30:33] But in this case, I just want to take revenge on this movie.

[1:30:38] Like I was, I had, you know, obviously I did the summary.

[1:30:42] I had to take notes on it.

[1:30:43] It was such slow going and I kept looking at the time and being like, how is it possible?

[1:30:49] Like it was just 30 minutes.

[1:30:51] I'm just 30 minutes in.

[1:30:52] Now I'm just 31 minutes in.

[1:30:53] It seems like an hour's pass.

[1:30:56] So that's my feelings on Boat Trip.

[1:30:58] What do you think, Stuart?

[1:31:00] Yeah.

[1:31:01] So another rave from Dan.

[1:31:03] Let's see.

[1:31:04] No, this is terrible.

[1:31:05] I wouldn't I wouldn't watch it.

[1:31:06] Don't watch it.

[1:31:07] Don't don't seek it out.

[1:31:09] It's cursed.

[1:31:10] It'll make you feel worse about everything.

[1:31:12] Don't do it.

[1:31:13] It's bad.

[1:31:14] Bad, bad movie.

[1:31:15] Elliott, we'll leave Alonzo the last word.

[1:31:16] Yeah.

[1:31:17] I mean, it's hard for me not to go along and just say it's it's it's the worst movie.

[1:31:22] It's everything about it is super dispiriting.

[1:31:25] I mean, the only thing that makes this not the worst movie I've ever seen is that there's

[1:31:30] no on camera animal mutilation or anything like that.

[1:31:33] Like it's not a movie.

[1:31:35] Yeah.

[1:31:36] Yeah.

[1:31:37] Nobody died in the making of it.

[1:31:38] As far as I know.

[1:31:39] So that's so that's those are the two wins in the victory column for Boat Trip.

[1:31:43] There are parameters, you know.

[1:31:45] Yeah.

[1:31:46] I will say that the Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character is named Jerry Robinson.

[1:31:50] And I feel like this is this is the least accurate portrayal of the co-creator of The

[1:31:54] Joker, Jerry Robinson, that you can imagine.

[1:31:56] But yeah, it's a very bad movie.

[1:31:58] Don't it's not.

[1:31:59] I know there are people who watch every movie that we do on the show.

[1:32:02] There's one fan who collects copies of all the movies that we've done on this podcast.

[1:32:06] Please don't this one.

[1:32:07] Just leave leave it in the at the island of misfit movies.

[1:32:10] Don't don't include it in your house.

[1:32:12] Alonzo, disagree with me.

[1:32:13] Yes.

[1:32:14] I'm here to fight you all.

[1:32:16] No.

[1:32:17] Yeah.

[1:32:18] This is, of course, a bad, bad movie.

[1:32:19] But what I think is so fascinating about it is where it occurs in the culture, you know,

[1:32:24] in the history of everything, because, you know, the rating system ends in the 60s.

[1:32:29] And so suddenly now you can have queer characters in movies and queer themes.

[1:32:34] And that usually meant that we got like embarrassing, offensive or violent or monstrous characters,

[1:32:39] because most people making movies at the time were still, you know, straight white men.

[1:32:44] And so now we get to the 90s and you've got like, you know, the decade kicks off with

[1:32:48] Poison and Paris is Burning, both winning the Grand Jury Prize at Sundance.

[1:32:53] That's followed by this whole wave, the new queer cinema, Gus Van Sant, Gregor Rocky,

[1:32:56] Cheryl Dunye, you know, Rose Troche, all these filmmakers making really fascinating and insightful

[1:33:01] films and very specifically and unapologetically queer.

[1:33:05] And that leads to these sort of crossover movies where it's like, hey, you know, there

[1:33:09] are there are queer people who are starving to see movies.

[1:33:11] There's also cool like arthouse straight people who will come see them as well.

[1:33:15] And so we'll make charming rom-coms like, you know, Jeffrey and Trick or whatnot.

[1:33:19] And so after that decade to like the day trippers or something.

[1:33:23] Yes, exactly.

[1:33:24] Like after that decade to think, you know what people really want to see this wacky

[1:33:29] bullshit about two straight guys on a gay cruise.

[1:33:33] Oh, no.

[1:33:35] And it just feels so like you're watching the movie right now, Alonso.

[1:33:39] That's the sound effects make me like it.

[1:33:42] I don't know.

[1:33:43] I've got my orgasm sound.

[1:33:45] It feels so displaced in time that I just I mean, I had not seen this since that press

[1:33:52] screening and I will probably never see it again.

[1:33:55] But it was just this fascinating moment of like, y'all like some movies you look back

[1:34:00] and think, oh, well, that's that was the time.

[1:34:02] That's what people thought you could get away with.

[1:34:04] No, we were well past this by the time this movie came out.

[1:34:08] And this was just a handful of straight people being like, no, no, we're going to be here.

[1:34:14] We are determined to still tell this story and make these jokes.

[1:34:19] Damn the rest of the world and whatever progress might have been made.

[1:34:23] So it's just astonishingly unstuck in time.

[1:34:28] Yeah, that's it.

[1:34:31] And it still came out four years before I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.

[1:34:34] True.

[1:34:35] And that movie, you know, I don't know if you know the whole history there, but like

[1:34:38] that started out as an Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor joint.

[1:34:42] And their screenplay was actually pretty smart and, you know, insightful.

[1:34:46] And then, of course, it goes through the the Adam Sandler Sausage Factory and becomes the

[1:34:50] movie that it is.

[1:34:52] Yeah, it really is a sausage factory.

[1:34:59] I'm Sequoia Holmes, pop culturist and host of the Black People Love Paramore podcast.

[1:35:05] Contrary to the title, it is not a podcast about the band Paramore.

[1:35:09] Each episode, I, along with a special guest co-host, dissect one pop culture topic that

[1:35:14] mainstream media doesn't associate with black people.

[1:35:17] But we know that we like tune in every Thursday to the podcast that's dedicated to helping

[1:35:22] black people feel more seen here on Maximum Fun.

[1:35:26] I'm Yucky Jessica, I'm Chuck Crudsworth, and this is Terrible, a podcast where we talk

[1:35:33] about things we hate that are awful.

[1:35:35] Today we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network, hosts Rachel and

[1:35:41] Griffin McElroy, a real life married couple, discuss a wide range of topics, music, video

[1:35:49] games, poetry, snacks, but I hate all that stuff.

[1:35:53] I know you do, Yucky Jessica.

[1:35:55] It comes out every Wednesday, the worst day of the week, wherever you download your podcasts.

[1:36:01] For our next topic, we're talking Fiona, the baby hippo from the Cincinnati Zoo.

[1:36:06] I hate this little hippo.

[1:36:08] The Flop House is sponsored in part by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs

[1:36:15] to stand out and succeed online.

[1:36:17] I probably mostly said that correctly.

[1:36:21] Well, whether you're just starting out or whether you are managing a growing brand,

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[1:36:33] anything from products, to content, to time, all in one place, all on your terms.

[1:36:40] Terms?

[1:36:41] Torms?

[1:36:42] All on your terms.

[1:36:43] Don't let someone else set the terms that you're gonna sell your time or engage with

[1:36:50] your audience.

[1:36:51] You gotta set those terms, buddy.

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[1:37:39] start selling online.

[1:37:41] So why not go to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you are ready to launch, go

[1:37:46] to squarespace.com slash flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:37:55] And we also have a j-j-j-j-j-jumbotron, this is from Daniel Pecoraro Historical Tours.

[1:38:03] Since 2021, Daniel Pecoraro has shown New Yorkers and tourists alike the past, present,

[1:38:10] and possible futures of various neighborhoods across New York.

[1:38:15] From Gowanus to Greenwood to Greenwich Village, Daniel's tours are perfect for lifelong New

[1:38:21] Yorkers, recent arrivals, or visitors who just want to go deep.

[1:38:26] Flophouse listeners may particularly enjoy the lost theaters of Bay Ridge, highlighting

[1:38:31] the many former movie houses in the Southwest Brooklyn neighborhood.

[1:38:35] That does sound very interesting.

[1:38:38] I am sad that Elliot Kalin is not here while I'm recording this ad copy.

[1:38:44] I had to do it a little after the fact, a little secret for you, because I think he

[1:38:49] in particular would be interested in the lost theaters of Bay Ridge.

[1:38:54] So anyway, if you're interested in this, why not visit www.history.works to learn more

[1:39:01] and register and use code FLOP for half off any upcoming tour.

[1:39:07] And speaking of FLOP, oh, the Flophouse, that's our podcast.

[1:39:10] Hello, how are you doing?

[1:39:12] We are doing a live show in Boston, Massachusetts?

[1:39:18] There's a Boston, Massachusetts now?

[1:39:20] Yeah, and we're doing a show at WBUR City Space that is associated with the radio station

[1:39:29] WBUR.

[1:39:31] It's their performance space.

[1:39:32] It's beautiful.

[1:39:33] We have done stuff there before.

[1:39:34] It is on July the 26th of this year, 2024, and it's at 7 p.m.

[1:39:43] If you want tickets to that, you can go to flophousepodcast.com slash events and pick

[1:39:50] up your ticket to see us live in Boston.

[1:39:53] We haven't decided exactly what we're going to do.

[1:39:55] We're either going to do some sort of iconic bad Boston movie.

[1:40:00] We are going to do one of the summer's big flops, I think, is where we're trending.

[1:40:06] But look, no matter what we do, it's going to be a fun show. We're going to do our regular

[1:40:13] presentations. Last time we were in Boston, Stewart did a presentation about cars that

[1:40:18] almost killed me from laughing. So it's always fun to do a show in Boston. So come check us

[1:40:25] out again at WBUR City Space the 26th of July at 7 p.m. You can get tickets at fluffhousepodcast.com

[1:40:33] slash events. Let's do letters from listeners. And you know what? I unwisely

[1:40:49] on a day when there was so much meat on this boat trip bone, picked a second letter that's

[1:40:56] very long. So I'm not going to do that one. I'm just going to keep it to one this time,

[1:41:00] break with format. This one's from Nathan Lastname Withheld. You are the singular letter, Nathan.

[1:41:06] More Nathan. More Nathan. Nathan comma Mort. Let me explain about my movie, Boat Trip.

[1:41:12] I was going through a rough time. Nathan writes, For the last six months, I've been slowly rewatching

[1:41:21] the James Bond series. I've just rewatched the two Timothy Dalton films, and I find that for

[1:41:26] the last five days I've had License to Kill by Gladys Knight and the Pips lodged in my forebrain.

[1:41:32] Since that movie was one of my first bonds, I have a fondness for the song. However ridiculous,

[1:41:37] stalkerish and overwrought it may be, it's a bond song after all. Got me wondering what

[1:41:43] your favorite songs from a movie and your least favorite songs from movie doesn't have to be bond

[1:41:48] song. Dudes, calm down. Caveats. Sorry, Dan. Nothing from stop making sense. Stuart, sorry.

[1:41:55] You may not pick Dawkins Dream Warriors from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3. Sorry,

[1:42:00] Elliot. No fiddler on the roof. So that's from Nathan Lastname Withheld.

[1:42:05] Um, just the kind of torturous experiment Nathan Fielder would specialize.

[1:42:11] So are we, uh, are we talking about a song that was written for a movie, a song that is in the

[1:42:17] movie, like created by the characters written for the movie? And because it was that I, you know,

[1:42:24] I did a little looking around. I have, uh, I have multiple runners up, which I can maybe mention

[1:42:32] after we all go around the horn, but, uh, I went with, I'm going to go back there someday from the

[1:42:37] Muppet movie, the song that Gonzo sings, the very wistful song out in the desert. And, uh, worst,

[1:42:45] uh, probably something written originally for the, uh, movie, Dear Evan Hansen.

[1:42:51] Uh, I didn't like that movie. Don't like the original to the song. I agree with what it's

[1:42:58] called. Uh, Elliot, I want to, I want to toss to you with a reminder that, uh, there's a little

[1:43:04] movie called Cocktail that had a song specifically written for it. It was very much. That's exactly

[1:43:08] the movie. That was my least favorite. I'll start with that. Then my least favorite song of all time,

[1:43:13] of course, also happens to be a song written for a movie that is Kokomo by the Beach Boys.

[1:43:18] And it was written for the movie cocktail. Hate it. Hate everything about it. Hate what it stands

[1:43:22] for. I hate the sound of it. It's, I feel like, I feel like it's like one degree separated from a

[1:43:26] red hot chili pepper song. Yeah. I feel like the red hot chili peppers, if they were singing about

[1:43:32] like the Caribbean instead of California, they would write a Kokomo. I mean, if the

[1:43:36] instrumentation was different. Yes. Maybe a little, I don't know if there's like as many

[1:43:41] steel drums in a red hot chili pepper. I feel like they would do it. I feel like there's an

[1:43:46] undercurrent in the red hot chili pepper songs of, I'm singing about this, but I'm also a drug

[1:43:51] addict. So there's a little bit more, slightly more depth. Whereas Kokomo, it's, I'm singing

[1:43:54] about this and I'm a middle-aged man or older hitting on a young woman, lying about a made up

[1:43:59] beach island. I'm telling her I'm going to take her too. And I, everything I don't like about it.

[1:44:04] Yeah. Anthony Kiedis and his like 17 year old girlfriend. He doesn't know anything about a

[1:44:08] middle-aged guy hitting on a teenage girl. I don't know, they're personalized. The,

[1:44:12] I will say the one thing I like about Kokomo is that I figured out I can do the lyrics pretty

[1:44:16] closely to Strawberry Fields forever. That went, and that's been fun to do it, to annoy my children

[1:44:23] with. And of course my most favorite music that was written for a movie is probably the Wizard

[1:44:28] of Oz soundtrack songs. Like I love those songs. I find myself singing them a lot. I think they are,

[1:44:34] that movie in particular, we mentioned earlier, it breaks Roger Ebert's hot air balloon rule

[1:44:39] because it's such an amazing movie in so many different ways. And the, I think the music in it

[1:44:45] is so great. And considering like, it's not like they put extra time into the songs for that movie

[1:44:52] more than they would have for any other movie. You know, that was a, in a lot of ways that was,

[1:44:56] it was a big production, but like the, I don't know, it's just one of the, it feels like it's

[1:45:00] like a lightning in the bottle type of songs for a movie. And even the song they cut out,

[1:45:04] the jitterbug is still a really fun song and a song I really like a lot. So even the deleted song

[1:45:10] from Wizard of Oz is a great song. And Kokomo should have been a deleted song

[1:45:14] from the Human Musical Catalog. Stuart, do you have anything or should we come back around?

[1:45:19] No, I mean, I think I definitely have favorites, which is anything by Wang Chung. So like,

[1:45:25] To Live and Die in LA or what Fire in the Twilight from the Breakfast Club soundtrack,

[1:45:33] both bangers. Songs I don't like, that's a little harder to think of. I'm not a hater, I'm a lover.

[1:45:44] Least favorite, I'm going to go with I Just Called to Say I Love You from The Woman in Red,

[1:45:50] which everything Jack Black says about it in High Fidelity is true.

[1:45:54] Stevie Wonder is so great, but that song is so not great.

[1:45:58] You know, so many choices here. Like, I love all the songs from Until the End of the World.

[1:46:06] You know, Cole Porter wrote a lot of great songs for movies, including True Love from

[1:46:11] High Society. I'm going to go with a song called I Like Life from the musical Scrooge

[1:46:19] by Leslie Brickus, performed by Albert Finney. And I'm forgetting the guy who plays the ghost

[1:46:26] of Christmas Present, Kenneth Moore. Thank you, Dave. But yeah, that's a song that I like a lot

[1:46:33] and have added to the repertoire. And I'm also going to say my favorite song from the James

[1:46:36] Bond film License to Kill is actually Patti LaBelle's If You Asked Me To, which is the

[1:46:41] closing credits song. Do you guys have another favorite James Bond song, like a theme song,

[1:46:48] opening song? I mean, I love You Only Live Twice. Good one.

[1:46:53] Do you do a kill, baby? Duran Duran. I got just because nobody does it better.

[1:46:59] Did the research. I'm going to give a few runners up really quickly. Call Me by Blondie

[1:47:05] from American Gigolo. Cheek to Cheek by Irving Berlin for Top Hat. The Goonies are good.

[1:47:15] It's not so good. It needed two videos. Cat People putting out fires with gasoline

[1:47:21] by David Bowie. And one could argue the entire album Purple Rain would count.

[1:47:27] Yeah. How about Scotty Doesn't Know from Eurotrip? Does that count?

[1:47:33] The parade album, which came from Under the Cherry Moon. Yeah. And Bananarama is the wildlife.

[1:47:40] Oh, yeah. Let us now close out with enough hating. Let's say a movie.

[1:47:49] I want to mention one more song, actually. I wish I thought of Call Me. So you're right.

[1:47:53] That's a great one. But also, Remember My Forgotten Man from Gold Diggers of 1933

[1:47:57] is a is a gorgeous song. And it's a it's the it's a well, not when you expect when you're

[1:48:03] watching that movie, unless you know that that sequence is in the movie already.

[1:48:09] Let's talk about movies that we saw and enjoyed that we would recommend. I'm going to quickly

[1:48:16] in passing say that on our last night in Oxford, you know, there wasn't a ton to do.

[1:48:22] We were tired. We went to the movies and we saw The Fall Guy. And I, you know, joined the course

[1:48:28] of people being like, why did this not do? I mean, it's holding on pretty well. It's got good legs.

[1:48:32] But I'm like, this is such a fun movie. It's the sort of movie people claim they want to see. And

[1:48:37] then it doesn't get a lot of people turning out. I read an interesting theory that that movie,

[1:48:41] part of its issue is more that the movie was more expensive than it should have been.

[1:48:45] Yeah. But that's a movie that is actually doing that badly in the theaters. But it is not.

[1:48:50] The cost of it is so high. So yeah, recouping. Yeah. But the movie I actually want to highlight

[1:48:56] is Audrey had never actually seen Romy and Michelle's high school reunion. So we watched

[1:49:04] it recently and it was delightful to revisit it and delightful to watch her watching it for the

[1:49:10] first time because she had sort of, I think, in her mind, imagined a much more conventional romcom.

[1:49:15] When the energy of that movie is so silly and weird. And I had forgotten also how like

[1:49:22] bizarre the structure of that movie is like they don't actually make it to the real high school

[1:49:28] reunion until like the last half hour of the movie. Before that, there's like long set up,

[1:49:33] there's flashbacks, there's a fantasy sequence like it goes all over the place. But yeah,

[1:49:40] but such a great cast with Mira Savino and Lisa Kudrow. So great in the main roles,

[1:49:47] but also Janine Gruffalo and Alan Cumming and a very small part for Justin Theroux in it.

[1:49:57] And it's just it's if you.

[1:50:00] If you, too, for some reason, have not seen it,

[1:50:04] it's a movie that's maybe a little sillier than you imagine,

[1:50:08] and it's got a lot of really genuinely funny jokes in it.

[1:50:12] Stuart, why don't you recommend something?

[1:50:15] I'm going to recommend a movie that I went to see with Dirty Dan McCoy last night.

[1:50:19] We went to a screening of In a Violent Nature.

[1:50:23] It's a slasher movie,

[1:50:27] and it was produced by friend of the podcast Peter Kaplowski.

[1:50:31] FX lead was friend of the podcast Stephen Kostansky.

[1:50:35] It is a slasher movie that basically

[1:50:39] just like the Jason Voorhees equivalent,

[1:50:43] in this case Johnny, wakes up and starts hunting some teens

[1:50:47] through the woods, and it just kind of follows him.

[1:50:51] The camera just follows him, and it's kind of like you're watching somebody play Red Dead Redemption or something.

[1:50:55] It's great.

[1:50:59] It's a very specific thing.

[1:51:03] It's like an elevated slasher, but at the same time, it very much understands

[1:51:07] that it's a slasher, and there's kind of like an interesting

[1:51:11] classic slasher movie happening in the background,

[1:51:15] and there's some good gags, and I liked it a lot.

[1:51:19] Yeah, In a Violent Nature. Check it out.

[1:51:23] It is a film Neuer,

[1:51:27] which means it's kind of like a crime movie, and it's a movie called

[1:51:31] Raw Deal, and Anthony Mann directed it.

[1:51:35] Anthony Mann, who would go on to direct many other great movies, and had already directed a bunch of great movies.

[1:51:39] It stars Dennis O'Keefe and Claire Trevor, who you may remember

[1:51:43] from Stagecoach, and also Key Largo, and she does

[1:51:47] what she does best, which is plays a kind of

[1:51:51] slightly well-meaning, but tawdry

[1:51:55] underbelly of society type lady. She helps

[1:51:59] the love of her life escape from prison, and along the way

[1:52:03] they pick up another woman who was involved in his legal defense, and it turns into

[1:52:07] a kind of not exactly

[1:52:11] normal love triangle. I mean, the love triangle eventually

[1:52:15] develops, but a lot of it is about the tension between these two women,

[1:52:19] the tension between him and the two of them, the tension between

[1:52:23] the world as they're trying to escape and get out of the United States and get down to Panama,

[1:52:27] and as always with film noir movies, the kind of

[1:52:31] dumb mistakes and short-sighted choices that they make along the way, and

[1:52:35] it's a really good, short, tight, kind of like crime

[1:52:39] kind of tragic romance. There's one relationship in it that

[1:52:43] feels pretty unbelievable, but otherwise I liked it a lot,

[1:52:47] and the cinematography in it is especially gorgeous, and it was shot

[1:52:51] by John Alton, who would later go on to win the Academy Award

[1:52:55] for An American in Paris, but this is black-and-white cinematography

[1:52:59] that looks very Greg Twain-y. An American werewolf in Paris? Yeah, an American werewolf

[1:53:03] in Paris, exactly. Yeah, the Academy Award winner. Yeah, Vincent Minnelli is an American werewolf in Paris.

[1:53:07] It's got that Bush song. Yeah, yeah.

[1:53:11] That dancing werewolf, he's really amazing, but it's a fun

[1:53:15] kind of affecting-at-the-end film noir movie

[1:53:19] that looks great. It's called Raw Deal. Not the Schwarzenegger one, then.

[1:53:23] Not the Schwarzenegger Raw Deal. For a second, I got really excited.

[1:53:27] Hey, do we know when this episode drops?

[1:53:31] This one, I believe, should be this Saturday. Oh, sweet!

[1:53:35] Well, I'm going to recommend a movie that I'm going to be showing on TCM, but that also has

[1:53:39] a great new Blu-ray, and I highly recommend that even if you see it on

[1:53:43] cable, if you are a non-cord-cutter, and I love you,

[1:53:47] you should also pick up the Blu-ray because it's got a lot of really great extras and commentaries

[1:53:51] and whatnot. It's a documentary called Gay USA that was recently restored

[1:53:55] from 1977, and on one day

[1:53:59] various camera crews shot gay pride parades in

[1:54:03] L.A., New York, San Francisco, and a couple of other cities.

[1:54:07] That year's parades were of historical significance

[1:54:11] because it was right after the whole Anita Bryant campaign had started where

[1:54:15] she was trying to roll back gay rights in Florida,

[1:54:19] and so there was a lot at stake politically that year.

[1:54:23] And so the doc just really kind of captures the

[1:54:27] energy and the excitement of a nascent gay community

[1:54:31] in this country, but at the same time people understanding that they were very much under fire.

[1:54:35] And it's directed by Arthur Bresson Jr., who's a fascinating

[1:54:39] figure because he directed sort of straight-up

[1:54:43] queer narrative dramas, but he also made documentaries and he also made

[1:54:47] adult titles, so he kind of had, you know, he

[1:54:51] covered the waterfront in that sense. So yeah, literally and

[1:54:55] figuratively. Anyway, Gay USA, it's a great documentary and

[1:54:59] I'll be on TCM talking about it on the 21st of June and then

[1:55:03] doing some other stuff on the 28th, but also pick up the beautiful Blu-ray from

[1:55:07] Altered Innocence. And another thing, of course, people should

[1:55:11] pick up is your book. This is your invite to plug your book.

[1:55:15] Do it now. I demand it. Plug your book.

[1:55:19] I'm sure. Yes, Hollywood Pride. It's out from TCM and Running Press.

[1:55:23] Available wherever books are sold. It's also an e-book. It's also an audio book read by me

[1:55:27] if this episode hasn't already turned you off to my voice.

[1:55:31] And it is a history of LGBTQ plus Hollywood

[1:55:35] both on screen and off. So it's about the movies, but it's also about the artists

[1:55:39] who made it happen over the decades. And it goes all the way from about 1895

[1:55:43] to everything everywhere all at once, doing as well as I could

[1:55:47] to cram it all in there. So it came out really beautifully.

[1:55:51] The TCM folks did a great job designing it and finding great stills with it.

[1:55:55] And I'm told the prose doesn't suck. So yes, pick up Hollywood Pride

[1:55:59] wherever you buy books. I'm excited. I can't wait to read it.

[1:56:03] Thank you so much for

[1:56:07] being in the trenches with us, suffering for this film.

[1:56:11] It would have been a shame if you guys had not eventually gotten to this movie.

[1:56:15] And I think you kind of needed an interpreter.

[1:56:19] This was one of those moments where I really appreciate it

[1:56:23] and I know that your job is not to be an educator.

[1:56:27] Just your job to live your life and not to have to

[1:56:31] decode parts of the world to other parts of the world.

[1:56:35] Especially you putting this in the context of what was going on in mainstream

[1:56:39] cinema involving Christian at this time and just how

[1:56:43] ridiculously, not just bad in general,

[1:56:47] but bad for the time. Not just terrible, but retrograde.

[1:56:51] Well, yes.

[1:56:55] Awful movie, but a great excuse to spend some time

[1:56:59] with you. Thank you for being our guest. Thank you to our network,

[1:57:03] Maximum Fun. If you go to MaximumFun.org, there's a lot of great

[1:57:07] other shows on there. Thank you to our producer, Alex

[1:57:11] Smith. He goes by the name HowlDotty. I believe he has a new album out.

[1:57:15] You should check that out. You should check it out.

[1:57:19] And I guess that's it. For The Flophouse, I've been Dan McCloy. I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:57:23] I've been Ellie Kaelin. And I've been special guest Alonso Duralde.

[1:57:27] Bye.

[1:57:35] Oh, Dan's doing the

[1:57:39] summary. I feel bad for Dan.

[1:57:43] Light on plot. It was

[1:57:47] kind of hard for me to... Rich with incident. There's a lot of stuff

[1:57:51] in it. Yeah, I think you can skip a lot of that, though.

[1:57:55] I'll do my best on the fly to

[1:57:59] bring down some of this. Cut it down.

[1:58:03] The first four-hour episode of The Flophouse.

[1:58:07] Boat trip Alexander Plotz.

Ep.#426 - Boat Trip, with Alonso Duralde

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