Ep.#426 - Boat Trip, with Alonso Duralde

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss boat trip.

[0:03] In a fairly ill-thought-out Pride Month special.

[0:30] Hey, everyone. Welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] That was if I was a race car.

[0:44] And with us today, yet again, a returning favorite guest,

[0:50] Alonzo Duralde of Maximum Film on the MaxFun Network,

[0:56] other podcasts, but also the new book, Hollywood Pride.

[1:00] Alonzo, is there a subtitle to your book? Tell me.

Alonso Duralde

[1:03] Oh, God, there is, but it's so long, I can never remember it.

[1:07] A celebration of LGBTQ plus representation and perseverance in film.

[1:13] Oh, and we picked the perfect movie.

[1:16] And I'm here to make it okay for you guys to talk about.

[1:19] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20] In full disclosure, we were talking to Alonzo about being on,

[1:24] and he was like, what about boat trip?

[1:25] So we did not, we didn't bring this project to you.

Dan McCoy

[1:28] Well, yeah, we, he gave us some possibles.

[1:31] And honestly, my thinking was like, okay, well, some of these movies are bad,

[1:35] but have their heart in the right place.

[1:37] And I don't know if I want to make fun of that.

[1:38] Let's make fun of something where I don't feel bad making fun of it.

[1:41] But then I'm like, but that means that we watched boat trip,

[1:44] which was a horrible experience.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46] Well, yeah, I made the same argument.

[1:48] My wife was like, oh, you shouldn't be talking about that.

[1:51] But I'm like, but I feel like oftentimes when you, like, like.

[1:55] Those who forget the past.

[1:56] Yeah, exactly.

[1:57] Are doomed to make boat trip too.

[1:59] Oh, no.

Alonso Duralde

[2:01] Let's do a bad gay movie.

[2:02] Don't trip the new beginning.

[2:04] Let's do a bad gay movie that clearly had not one single gay person involved in any aspect of its production.

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] Yeah, it is a very specific type of straight person's idea of what a gay world is like.

[2:18] But it means it sets it up for the prequel, Das Boot Trip,

[2:21] where it's about unspoken love between Nazis.

Stuart Wellington

[2:26] I'm going to take it one step further.

[2:28] I feel like nobody involved has been on a cruise before.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] I was curious about that because, yeah, Stu and Dan, you have a lot of experience with cruises.

[2:38] Yeah, yeah, we're cruise masters.

[2:40] Yeah, you're really into cruising.

[2:43] And I was wondering.

[2:45] It's a double entendre.

[2:47] How did it feel like this was true?

[2:49] True to your experience of what it's like to be on a cruise ship.

Dan McCoy

[2:52] Well.

[2:52] I mean, totally.

[2:53] Every moment.

[2:54] My main objection, and we'll get to this in the movie,

[2:57] but they take so long to realize that they're on a gay cruise

[3:01] and not a cruise of wild heterosexual women that they can hit on.

[3:07] And my experience of being on cruises, I've only been on two.

[3:11] It's not like I'm, but my experience is.

[3:13] Oh, all right.

Stuart Wellington

[3:13] Dan just throws his money around willy-nilly at every cruise company that comes by his door.

[3:19] Not true.

[3:19] Drop an anchor in every port.

[3:21] Yeah, yeah, we got old triangle of sadness over here.

Elliott Kalan

[3:25] I mean, which is the triangle of sadness often, unfortunately, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:29] We know some travel agents who make it very affordable.

[3:33] Yeah, Huckleberry Travel.

[3:34] Shout out to Huckleberry Travel.

[3:36] Yeah, it is nice to answer travel agents.

Stuart Wellington

[3:39] And Huckleberry Travel is a super LGBT key.

Dan McCoy

[3:41] Let me get out the goddamn point.

[3:43] Yeah, it's true.

[3:45] No, what I'm saying is they take so long to realize,

[3:48] and it's my experience that a cruise takes a long time to leave port.

[3:51] They would have plenty of time to realize their mistake,

[3:54] pick up their luggage, disembark, be safely on the dock,

[3:59] then we would just-

[4:01] And then there'd be no movie, and where would that be?

[4:04] Exactly.

[4:05] Richer, arguably.

Elliott Kalan

[4:06] It's just like John Ford said when someone said in Stagecoach,

[4:09] how come the natives don't just shoot the horses of the Stagecoach

[4:12] rather than chase them?

[4:13] And he said, because then I don't have a movie if they do that.

[4:16] So, Dan, if these characters had any intelligence whatsoever,

[4:21] or compassion for human beings, they would not have a film.

Alonso Duralde

[4:25] No, that's true.

[4:27] And we'll be using Stagecoach as a touchstone throughout this episode, I'm sure.

[4:30] I feel like there's a lot of similarities.

Elliott Kalan

[4:32] Much like Taxi Driver and Hardcore are both takes on The Searchers,

[4:38] Boat Trip is very much a take on Stagecoach.

[4:42] Yeah, so let's get into this.

[4:44] Much like, yeah, Paul Schrader is working through his feelings about The Searchers.

[4:49] The director of this film, Mort Nathan, a former producer,

[4:53] head writer for The Golden Girls,

[4:55] was working through his feelings about John Ford's other films.

Dan McCoy

[4:58] Yes, well, I'm glad you interrupted me to say exactly what I was going to say,

[5:02] which was, yes, Mort Nathan-

[5:04] You don't sound glad at all.

[5:05] I'm sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[5:05] I forgot that I'm Nostradamus,

[5:07] and I know ahead of time what you're going to say at all moments.

Dan McCoy

[5:09] I mean, not interrupting me is also the option.

Elliott Kalan

[5:11] I guess I didn't check my scrying glass to see what Dan was about to say.

[5:15] I'll do that next time.

Dan McCoy

[5:17] Linda Holmes is going to call us about this moment later.

[5:20] Co-writer and director Mort Nathan, yes, like you said,

[5:24] one of the co-producers and head writers of The Golden Girls,

[5:26] also less successfully than The Golden Girls,

[5:31] not than Boat Trip, maybe equally successful than Boat Trip,

[5:34] The Secret Diary of Desmond Pfeiffer,

[5:36] another notoriously ill-conceived-

Elliott Kalan

[5:41] With its own share of dated already at the time gay people in it, too.

Stuart Wellington

[5:47] And Mort Nathan is also the Nathan of Nathan's hot dogs, right?

[5:51] Yes.

[5:51] Yeah, and the brother of Mort Trucker.

[5:53] And he's the Mort from Zooka Joe.

Alonso Duralde

[5:55] I guess that's how I do it.

[5:57] Yeah, and he's Mort the dead teenager.

[5:58] He's the Nathan's hot dog jokes, actually, in this movie.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:03] You know, how you can come away with having worked on The Golden Girls for years

[6:06] and still know this little about gay people

[6:09] just boggles everything that I know about pop culture.

Elliott Kalan

[6:13] I wonder, there's part of me that wonders, like,

[6:15] did he leave The Golden Girls the same way that these guys leave that cruise,

[6:20] being like, what were we on?

[6:21] What happened?

[6:22] We had no idea.

[6:23] Dan, you should also mention, though, he did go to Greater Things.

[6:26] He did also direct Van Wilder, The Rise of Taj.

Dan McCoy

[6:28] Oh, thank God.

[6:29] Oh, shit.

[6:30] I was wondering about how Taj rose so high.

[6:34] Now you're going to find out.

[6:36] Well, let's get into this.

Elliott Kalan

[6:38] What if it said it was Gene Wilder, The Rise of Taj?

[6:40] Would that be a more interesting movie?

[6:42] Yes.

[6:44] I don't have anything more to say about it.

[6:45] Almost automatically.

[6:46] Yeah, what about Billy Wilder?

[6:47] National Lampoon's Billy Wilder, The Rise of Taj.

Stuart Wellington

[6:49] What if it was National Lampoon's Gene Roddenberry, The Rise of Taj?

Elliott Kalan

[6:54] I mean, yeah, that would be, how did they get involved?

[6:57] I don't understand.

[6:57] How do they know each other?

[6:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:58] We're drifting far from shore in the same way-

[7:00] Just like the boat.

[7:02] The boat might.

Elliott Kalan

[7:04] That time I did know what you were going to say, Dan.

[7:06] I did deliberately say it.

[7:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:08] This movie begins with some zany-

Elliott Kalan

[7:11] Oh, should we also mention that we in no way endorsed the activities of Cuba Goody Jr.

[7:15] and Horatio Sands to accuse predators of various types?

[7:19] Yes, that's probably a high idea.

Dan McCoy

[7:19] I doubt that people would assume we would, but yeah, we'll stipulate that.

Alonso Duralde

[7:25] But they are representing all heterosexuality in this movie.

[7:28] I just want to put that out there.

[7:29] Yeah, and I apologize for boat trips.

Elliott Kalan

[7:33] They were named official UN heterosexuality ambassadors.

Dan McCoy

[7:41] Yeah, we get some zany music.

[7:42] We get an early 2000s font.

[7:44] We get Cuba Goody Jr.

[7:46] It is like full-on cartoon music.

Alonso Duralde

[7:48] Let's put a pin in this.

[7:49] We get James Brown's I Feel Good.

Dan McCoy

[7:52] Not yet.

[7:52] No?

[7:53] Before this?

[7:54] Cuba Goody Jr. proposing to someone.

[7:58] Oh.

[7:59] Divinity Fox.

[8:00] It's just his dog.

[8:01] It's just his dog.

[8:02] But now we know that he wants to propose to someone.

[8:05] And then we get-

[8:06] And that he has a dog.

[8:07] I feel good.

[8:08] The fact that it comes back at the end of the movie, even though we've forgotten it in the meantime.

Elliott Kalan

[8:13] I mean, would you take a dog with you on a cruise?

[8:15] Probably not.

Dan McCoy

[8:16] No, but why bring the dog-

[8:19] Like, was it so important that the dog exists that we have to see him then again at the wedding at the end of the movie?

[8:25] They needed those cutaway shots because those are comedy gold.

[8:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:28] Yeah.

[8:29] Everything's funnier when a dog is watching it.

[8:31] Just like in my book, Horse Meets Dog.

[8:33] Oh, wow.

[8:34] Nice.

[8:34] You get a sneaky little plug.

[8:36] Let me, guys, ask you a question.

[8:38] Sure.

[8:38] I've always found Cuba Gooding Jr. to be an unappealing personality on film.

[8:45] Do you think that they were like, give him a dog?

[8:47] It'll make him seem that much more likable.

Stuart Wellington

[8:49] Well, I think that's kind of the thing about his performance in this whole movie is that I'm like, I guess I remember him from Jerry Maguire.

[8:59] And I guess I remember him from the People vs. OJ where he plays OJ.

[9:05] But like-

[9:06] And Snow Dogs.

[9:06] Is he, does he always, like, he acts like some kind of weird innocent in this movie where his brain doesn't quite work.

[9:13] Yeah.

[9:13] And he's like experiencing everything for the first time.

[9:17] Yeah.

[9:18] But does he do that in every movie?

[9:20] Or is this, like, a facade that he has adopted because he's like, I don't, I don't, for this specific role, I don't know.

Alonso Duralde

[9:26] Well, he's kind of the audience surrogate in Boys in the Hood, right?

[9:29] Yeah, that's true.

[9:31] But, yeah, this one, it does seem like everything is all shiny and new and non-understandable to him.

Elliott Kalan

[9:39] I think this is his idea of what, like, a nice guy is like.

[9:42] Like, he's supposed to be the nice guy and Horatio Sanz is supposed to be the horndog in the classic kind of comedy and tragedy double mask act that 80s comedies are built on.

Stuart Wellington

[9:52] Yeah, it's like Splash with John Candy and Tom Hanks.

[9:55] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[9:56] And so he's supposed to be, like, the nice guy and he takes nice to mean, like, yeah, naive, innocent of the world, you know, doesn't know anything.

Dan McCoy

[10:04] He's also relatively, you know, subdued in Boys in the Hood, which is, you know, one of his better performances.

[10:10] And then in Jerry Maguire, he plays this character who's big and that's, like, kind of to mask the insecurity beneath.

[10:18] And that works really well for him.

[10:19] And then I felt like after that, he just kind of was like, everything's going to be at 11.

[10:23] And maybe that's what you're responding to, Elliot.

[10:25] I don't know.

Alonso Duralde

[10:26] I have an Academy Award.

[10:28] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:29] That's proof that I can spend time with snow dogs if I want.

Elliott Kalan

[10:34] And he was in Chill Factor too, right?

Dan McCoy

[10:36] He was in Chill Factor about a bomb that needs to stake hold.

Elliott Kalan

[10:40] I just, I remember the commercials for that.

[10:42] I love it.

[10:42] They were like, a bomb is on the loose.

[10:45] And an ice cream man and this other guy have to keep it cold.

[10:49] Like, the commercial was like, are you buying this?

[10:51] Can you believe this?

Dan McCoy

[10:53] Okay, guys.

[10:55] We haven't even hit the title of the movie yet.

[10:57] It's a boat trip down.

[10:59] As in the film.

[11:00] As Alanto noted, the most overused needle drop, The Side of Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen.

[11:06] I Feel Good comes in to show us that he's feeling good.

[11:09] We got a montage of him walking a dog, intercut with him dancing at home.

[11:13] Is this something?

Alonso Duralde

[11:13] He's also in Rat Race, which uses the Smash Mouth.

[11:22] All Star?

[11:23] All Star.

[11:24] Thank you.

[11:24] Yes.

[11:25] So the other most overplayed needle drop in cinema history.

Elliott Kalan

[11:28] So is this something that people do in real life?

[11:32] Because they seem to do it a lot in movies.

[11:33] Just kind of like dancing by themselves in their house.

[11:36] I feel good.

[11:36] I do.

[11:37] I dance in my own.

[11:38] In the kitchen myself.

[11:39] Yeah.

[11:39] Like just by yourself?

[11:40] Yeah.

[11:40] And you're like dancing up and down stairs and things like that?

Dan McCoy

[11:43] Yeah.

[11:43] It's the only time I can feel uninhibited, you know?

[11:48] Okay.

[11:49] Do you sing into the hairbrush, though?

[11:51] Yeah.

[11:51] I do it all.

Stuart Wellington

[11:52] No, it's usually, I'm in the kitchen, so it's usually like a wooden spoon.

[11:56] Spatula, maybe.

[11:57] I'm in my tidy whities.

[12:00] I'm wearing a button-down shirt with most of the buttons undone.

Elliott Kalan

[12:04] I think you're remembering a movie.

[12:06] You sing to like in your reflection in a pot that's hanging from the rack.

[12:11] Have you been spying on me, Elliot?

Dan McCoy

[12:15] So.

Alonso Duralde

[12:17] Living that Nancy Meyers lifestyle.

[12:19] Exactly.

[12:19] Oh, I wish.

[12:20] Kitchen the size of a ballroom, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:22] I have so many notes for this movie.

[12:25] We can't spend this much time.

[12:28] Cuba, we get a proposal not to a dog this time.

[12:36] To his girlfriend, Vivica A. Fox.

[12:39] We're in a hot air balloon, which brought to mind Roger Ebert's hot air balloon rule, which we discussed before.

Elliott Kalan

[12:46] We discussed that there's at least two exceptions to that rule.

[12:48] Yeah.

[12:49] Wizard of Oz and.

[12:49] Wizard of Oz and Great Muppet Caper.

[12:51] Which Alonzo will give grudging tolerance of the Great Muppet Caper.

Dan McCoy

[12:59] But yeah, the rule being, of course, no good movie with a hot air balloon.

[13:03] He's got motion sickness, which is a weird one to me for a hot air balloon.

[13:09] Like maybe fear of heights, but it's moving so slowly.

[13:14] But.

Dan McCoy

[13:15] You have a horizon.

Stuart Wellington

[13:17] Yeah, and if he gets like seasick like that, he shouldn't go on a cruise, man.

Elliott Kalan

[13:22] Good point.

[13:23] Good point.

[13:24] Because.

[13:25] I would like it more if the plot of the movie was, I had motion sickness and it messed up my proposal.

[13:29] I need to confront this by going on a cruise.

[13:32] Yeah.

[13:32] Just facing my motion sickness down.

[13:35] That would be a funnier reason to do it.

[13:36] Set up some payoffs.

[13:38] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[13:39] Yeah, he can't propose because he's too sick.

[13:42] Fox tells him to spit it out, which of course is a cue for him to vomit all over.

[13:47] Hilarity.

[13:49] She denies him, but not because of the vomit, which would be pretty shallow.

[13:54] She just, she's met someone else.

[13:55] So.

Elliott Kalan

[13:57] I mean, she's a jerk.

[13:58] She's very clearly the woman that he loves, but who is wrong for him that he should not be with.

Dan McCoy

[14:04] I mean, I would argue that what we know about Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character throughout the rest of the movie, she is well read of this man.

Elliott Kalan

[14:10] No, I would say in the world that the movie is hoping to exist in, where Jerry, Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character, is a nice guy who deserves better.

[14:18] She is the, you know.

Alonso Duralde

[14:20] At this point in the plot, that's what he deserves.

[14:23] Yes.

[14:24] Yes.

[14:25] Jerry returns home.

Elliott Kalan

[14:26] He's set to discover his full self by being on a cruise with a bunch of, with a bunch of stereotypes for, oh, like three weeks, four weeks.

[14:34] How long were they on that cruise?

[14:36] Eight years.

Dan McCoy

[14:39] When Jerry returns home, he is no longer feeling good.

[14:42] The opposite of the song.

Elliott Kalan

[14:43] He should play this.

[14:44] A funny joke would have been if he played the song backwards.

Dan McCoy

[14:47] Yeah.

[14:47] Oh, that would have been sick.

[14:49] And then we get a six months later Chiron.

[14:52] Hell yeah.

[14:53] Right away.

[14:54] It's a good sign.

[14:54] We've only met two characters six months later.

[14:56] And a dog.

[14:58] We meet Cuba slash Jerry's buddy, Horatio Sands.

[15:02] I'm mostly going to refer to like the main character for the actress name because it's just easier.

[15:07] Horatio wants to cheer Cuba up, get him out on the town.

[15:11] We see Horatio then at his work.

[15:14] At his job.

[15:15] At his job.

[15:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[15:15] He's a maintenance man at a spa?

[15:18] Yes.

[15:18] Yep.

[15:19] And he walks through a woman.

[15:21] Sorry, walks through a woman.

[15:22] He walks through a woman.

[15:23] That would be an amazing trick.

[15:24] What is he, Kitty Pryde?

[15:25] But he can only do it once.

[15:28] No, he walks through a room where a woman is naked on a massage table awaiting her massage.

[15:35] And he does some, you know, Three Stooges-like reactions.

Elliott Kalan

[15:39] She calls out, she's like, come on, give me my massage, Joey, or whoever she thinks is in the room.

[15:43] And him, instead of being a human being and saying-

Stuart Wellington

[15:45] Yeah, Joey from the Concrete Blonde song.

Elliott Kalan

[15:48] Instead of being a human being and saying, I'm sorry, I'm not the masseuse, or just leaving the room.

[15:52] He immediately, he can't, it's unclear from his performance whether he is just so horny to touch a naked woman's back

[15:59] or that he is so ashamed, embarrassed that she's going to find out that the masseuse isn't there.

[16:05] You are giving him way too much credit.

Dan McCoy

[16:07] I mean, it starts out definitely as horniness.

[16:09] And then it becomes frustration as he is unable to massage her as hard as she demands.

[16:16] And so this somehow escalates.

[16:17] It's hard to be a masseuse.

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] He doesn't have experience.

Alonso Duralde

[16:20] By the way, male, it's masseur.

[16:23] Masseuses are women.

Dan McCoy

[16:24] Oh.

[16:25] Okay.

[16:25] What about Dr. Seuss?

[16:28] That's a whole other story.

[16:29] As the masseur in my home, like, I get tired.

[16:33] Like, if I'm massaging Audrey's shoulders, like, I immediately get tired.

Elliott Kalan

[16:37] Yeah, your hands get tired so hard when you're, so quickly.

[16:41] You know, it hurts.

[16:43] But also, the fact that a maintenance man should not be walking through a room where a naked client is.

[16:47] That's also, that's on this list.

Stuart Wellington

[16:48] I mean, it's so many, like, so many liabilities.

[16:51] Like, it's.

[16:52] Yes.

[16:52] Yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[16:53] But.

[16:53] But unless you know earlier that this movie is not interested in ideas like consent.

[16:57] Sure.

[16:57] Yeah.

[16:58] It's important.

[16:59] It's important to get that out of the way.

[17:00] Got to establish that.

Elliott Kalan

[17:01] That should have been the slogan on the poster.

[17:03] Not interested in ideas like consent.

Dan McCoy

[17:07] Anyway, he was so goaded by her cries for a heart or massage that he eventually sticks a plunger on her butt.

[17:13] And then that's the punchline to that scene.

[17:16] Pulls the poop right out.

[17:18] Yep.

[17:18] If only.

[17:19] Later at a party, Sans runs into character actor Stephen Importer.

[17:24] Someone who you recognize from, like, TV.

[17:27] A lot of stuff.

[17:28] Lots of stuff.

[17:29] He has a hot date.

[17:31] And Sans tactfully assumes out loud that she's an escort in front of everybody.

[17:36] But his friend says.

[17:37] Which would be fine.

[17:38] Sex work is work.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:41] But she may not want to be outed in front of everyone.

[17:43] No, that's fair too.

Elliott Kalan

[17:45] I think the implication that he would have to hire someone to be his date to a party is also, you know, not the most flattering one.

Alonso Duralde

[17:55] It's a she's out of your league situation here.

Stuart Wellington

[17:58] But she is all that, I think, is what there.

Elliott Kalan

[18:02] His friend Sarah.

[18:04] Well, she took the glasses off, yeah.

[18:06] She's better with the glasses, Alonzo.

[18:08] She should have kept those glasses on.

Alonso Duralde

[18:10] Look, Anne Hathaway should have kept her eyebrows in the Princess Diaries.

[18:13] You know what the hell is?

[18:13] Yeah, sure.

[18:15] She looked kind of like Kim Novak before she got rid of the eyebrows.

Dan McCoy

[18:19] Anyway, keeping with the sensitivity, his friend says, quote, she ain't no escort skank.

[18:28] Oh, yeah.

[18:29] This is his fiancee.

[18:32] And he finds out, Horatio finds out that he met this beautiful fiancee on a cruise.

[18:38] And the guy basically claims that a cruise is a floating fuck palace, which gets Sands right on board and makes him immediately uninterested in the bar he's taking Cuba Gooding Jr. out to.

Elliott Kalan

[18:50] He's like, let's leave right now and get on a boat.

Stuart Wellington

[18:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[18:54] It's like the opening of fucking Moby Dick.

[18:57] I would love it if it was.

Elliott Kalan

[18:59] Is that Queekwag walks in with his shrunken head in his hands?

Stuart Wellington

[19:02] Yeah, Queekwag's like, let's go get some fucking strange, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[19:06] Schmiel, get out of the bed.

[19:07] We're sharing.

[19:08] Let's get some other people in here.

Dan McCoy

[19:11] Yeah, I would love it if it immediately went to like they went to an all night cruise booking place.

[19:16] But instead.

Alonso Duralde

[19:18] They put the sex in sextants.

Dan McCoy

[19:22] It cuts to the next day when they're going to book a cruise.

[19:26] Sands gets into a shouting match after a traffic altercation with Artie Lang.

[19:33] Very easy to get into a shouting match with Artie Lang.

Elliott Kalan

[19:35] Like, Rachel Sands has no sympathy with me the entire movie, but I feel like that's a situation that's not that hard to get into.

[19:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:43] And so they go to book this cruise.

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] That shouting match with Jessica Lang, harder to do.

Dan McCoy

[19:50] But more intense once you get there.

[19:52] Oh, for sure.

[19:53] Katie Lang.

Elliott Kalan

[19:56] Constant yelling.

Dan McCoy

[19:59] I feel like you'd just be apologizing back and forth if you get a shouting match with Katie Lang.

[20:05] I'm so sorry.

[20:06] No, I'm so sorry.

Alonso Duralde

[20:06] No, please.

[20:07] Forgive me.

Dan McCoy

[20:09] Yeah.

[20:09] So they're trying to book a cruise with what the agent calls the traditional three to one female to male ratio.

[20:18] When Will Ferrell enters to say to the travel agent that their mother died.

[20:24] That's kind of a funny.

Elliott Kalan

[20:25] There is a funny one that goes, didn't you see the post-it note I left for you?

Dan McCoy

[20:29] Well, I mean, I will say that because this is a comedy professional who wrote for the Golden Girls for many years.

[20:35] There are individual jokes in here that do work, but they are so poisoned by the well of Boat Trip that I cannot find many of them amusing.

Elliott Kalan

[20:43] Now, it's interesting for me to think about where this was in Will Ferrell's career because I was trying to figure out, is this him as a star doing a cameo or is this him as an up-and-comer doing a small role?

[20:57] And this is after, like, Zoolander came out, but it's before old school.

[21:01] And, like, so I wonder if it's – he's kind of in that middle ground.

[21:04] He's still an up-and-comer.

Stuart Wellington

[21:05] This movie was filmed in 2001 but wasn't released until 2003.

[21:09] I'm assuming while it was filming in 2001 that was the reason the terrorists attacked 9-11 is because they were trying to shut down the production of Boat Trip?

[21:18] Yeah, probably.

Elliott Kalan

[21:19] Yeah, they erroneously thought it was happening at the World Trade Center and not somewhere in Hollywood.

Dan McCoy

[21:25] So, Ferrell scares off the agent who runs off crying, and that agent is replaced by Artie Lang, and they do the exact same shouting match over again, which, honestly, I found kind of a funny beat just because it's the same thing over again.

[21:41] But it could so easily be eliminated because then Will Ferrell is like, could you go away?

[21:46] I'll handle it.

[21:47] And Will Ferrell books them, and our heroes, question mark, heroes leave.

[21:55] Our protagonists.

[21:56] Yeah, our protagonists leave, and we learn that Artie and Will are a couple, and Artie's like, I can't believe you took care of them.

[22:02] And Will ominously says, oh, I took care of them, all right.

[22:07] What does this mean?

[22:07] We'll find out very soon.

[22:10] Or in the trailer to Boat Trip, presumably.

[22:12] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[22:13] Explains the premise.

Elliott Kalan

[22:14] Or on the poster, I mean.

[22:15] So, the poster creates a real different concept.

[22:22] I'm looking at it now.

[22:23] The poster for Boat Trip, the one that's on Wikipedia anyway.

[22:25] The tagline is Singles Cruise, Double Trouble.

[22:28] And it shows Cuba getting junior, shoulder deep in water with Vika Fox and Rosalind Sanchez.

[22:35] And then Horatio Sanz is behind them going like, ah!

[22:39] Mugging.

[22:41] Yeah, mugging.

[22:42] So, the poster would lead you to believe that this is a love triangle on a cruise movie.

[22:46] Or it's, this guy has too many babes, more than he can handle.

[22:49] Like, even the poster is, like, ashamed of what the movie is about.

[22:52] I would like to think it's that the movie poster was like, the people making the poster were like, we cannot in good conscience advertise the premise of this movie.

[22:59] But I bet it was more them worrying that customers would not come to a movie that felt too gay.

[23:05] That's my worry.

Alonso Duralde

[23:05] Sometimes you have to sell the straight sizzle and not the gay steak, you know.

[23:09] Yeah.

[23:10] Yeah.

[23:11] Or the gay rotten liver in this case.

[23:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:14] It's like the trailers for Desert Hearts that made it seem about a guy who works at a casino who can't get the waitress to go out with him.

[23:21] Really?

[23:22] No, not really.

[23:24] Come on.

[23:24] Yeah, yeah.

[23:24] I mean, there's a character like that in the movie, but, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[23:27] The original poster for the birdcage was just them holding guns.

Dan McCoy

[23:34] They photoshopped them in front of the bank.

[23:36] I don't understand.

Elliott Kalan

[23:37] Yeah.

[23:38] I thought the birdcage was a bank they were knocking over.

Alonso Duralde

[23:42] It's where the teller is hiding.

Dan McCoy

[23:45] So, anyway, our protagonists arrive at the boat where Horatio Sands creepily enthuses that the best part of it is that on a cruise, women can't get away from them.

[23:55] Their options are them or drowning or being eaten by sharks.

[24:00] And at this point, I consider calling the police on boat trip.

[24:05] Again, consent for suckers.

[24:08] Yeah.

[24:08] The cops told me that I couldn't arrest a movie, that that's not, you know.

[24:12] Not that they didn't want to, but those clowns in Congress wouldn't pass a law.

Elliott Kalan

[24:16] There's no law against being a bad movie.

[24:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:20] Anyway, the guys are very slow to wonder why they're only men on this boat.

[24:25] They write off some leather dudes in assless pants as Cirque du Soleil performers probably.

Elliott Kalan

[24:32] This is the first of the parade of kind of like – this is a movie in the early 2000s, but the kind of like 80s or 70s, I feel like, level, like gay stereotypes.

[24:43] That it's like gay guys, yeah, they're probably all into leather.

[24:47] And they cannot not be in leather.

[24:49] They're part of culture.

[24:50] Like it's not like you would go to brunch in regular clothes and then get into your sex clothes for sex.

[24:56] You wear them all the time.

Alonso Duralde

[24:57] Well, you know, look, on a cruise, I'm sure there are people who, you know, they're making it happen 24-7.

[25:04] Yeah, maybe.

[25:04] But these movies do love to lump all gay people together in that way.

[25:08] Yeah.

[25:08] So like I always think of the recurring blue oyster bar gag in the Police Academy movies.

[25:14] Yes, exactly.

[25:15] Where they're like leather dudes, but they dance the tango.

[25:18] Like it just – it's every sort of like, eh, that seems fruity.

[25:22] We'll just put it all in that one room, you know, as though like we all mingle together or we all like, you know, pursue multiple fetishes at the same time.

[25:33] Yeah, that's so much work.

[25:35] It is a very cartoony, you know, idea of how this stuff works.

[25:39] It'd be like if they showed, you know, Stuart like with a barbell in one hand and like delicately painting a Warhammer figure in the other hand.

[25:49] It's like pick a lane movie.

[25:51] Unrealistic.

Stuart Wellington

[25:52] And it happened one person.

[25:53] All of Stuart stuff.

[25:54] Man, I'm glad that normally –

[25:55] It includes such multitudes.

[25:57] On your other podcast, you would have to say Ify, but luckily you just swap names on that one.

[26:03] Yeah, how comforting is it to –

Alonso Duralde

[26:03] You're basically interchangeable.

Stuart Wellington

[26:05] We have the same birthday.

[26:07] It's wild.

[26:08] That's crazy.

[26:08] I know.

[26:09] Really?

[26:10] Yeah, yeah.

[26:10] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[26:11] And that's why I'm just like Garfield.

[26:13] I can't.

[26:17] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[26:18] You're voiced by Chris Pratt?

[26:20] Yeah.

[26:21] Yeah, yeah.

[26:21] Everybody is now.

Dan McCoy

[26:23] That's why everyone's turned against me lately.

Stuart Wellington

[26:25] Yeah, I feel like that's like the modern version of The Matrix where Agent Smith is turning everybody into Agent Smiths.

[26:31] Chris Pratt is turning everyone into Chris Pratt.

[26:34] Assimilating all the cartoon characters.

Elliott Kalan

[26:36] Dan, are you excited about that new Sherlock Holmes?

[26:39] Animated movie they announced with Chris Pratt at Sherlock Holmes.

[26:42] Is there one?

[26:42] Is that an actual thing?

[26:43] No, but it would be pretty funny if there was.

Stuart Wellington

[26:44] I heard Dan's fucking heartbreak when you said that.

[26:47] It did a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[26:48] Dan, they figured out Sherlock Holmes would be better if he was a slacker loser.

Dan McCoy

[26:52] People have asked me this before and my answer about Sherlock Holmes is like I actually do whatever the fuck you want with Sherlock Holmes because there's so many versions of him out there that like it's not going to bother me.

[27:03] You know, I have my version of the character.

[27:05] You can have yours.

[27:06] It's okay.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] Dan, considering you did a presentation about Sherlock Holmes in England recently where you seem to take real issue with the real Ghostbusters version of Sherlock Holmes.

Dan McCoy

[27:16] Well, just because they left Winston football with their signatures on it.

[27:23] Granted, the real Ghostbusters had been playing football earlier in the episode.

[27:28] So that's why the football reoccurred.

[27:30] I don't know why that has to be what Holmes and Watson sign as a memento of their encounter.

[27:38] Anyway, so they're on the boat.

[27:41] They're reading all of the stuff that's available to them on the cruise.

Elliott Kalan

[27:44] Yeah, you'll welcome packet.

Dan McCoy

[27:45] Yeah, brochures and whatnot.

[27:47] They start getting suspicious around the time they get to chest waxing is one of the things that can be done.

[27:54] But their fears are swayed by—

Elliott Kalan

[27:56] Because only gay men groom.

[27:58] Straight men are supposed to keep their bodies in a natural state.

[28:00] That was the time where—

Stuart Wellington

[28:02] In that year, probably.

[28:02] Yeah, like around that time, if you took showers, you were considered metrosexual.

Alonso Duralde

[28:09] There is to this day an entire school of men's grooming that you will only buy like an exfoliating pad or a deodorant stick if it comes packaged to look like fishing tackle or dynamite.

[28:21] Yeah, like brass knuckles.

Dan McCoy

[28:25] Thank you to our sponsor, Manscaping.

[28:28] Manscaped rules.

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] We don't believe this, Dan.

[28:32] We don't believe it.

[28:33] We're all about grooming ourselves, removing hair, removing scents, removing fingernails if we have to.

Dan McCoy

[28:39] No, no.

[28:39] I'm just joking about the fact that they needed to put man in the title.

[28:43] Although it is—

Elliott Kalan

[28:44] I mean, Manscaped could very easily be a gay product as well.

[28:48] A genderless product.

[28:49] Man is not a hetero word.

Dan McCoy

[28:51] Yes.

[28:51] Anyone can use it.

Elliott Kalan

[28:53] Yes.

[28:53] Their fears are swaged—

[28:55] Except for women.

[28:55] It says man right there in the title.

[28:57] Sorry, ladies.

Dan McCoy

[28:59] Their fears are swaged by the entrance of their neighbor, Hector, in drag, and Sans dances around with Hector a bit.

Stuart Wellington

[29:06] So this is one of many situations where people are able to just enter other people's stayrooms without a key or anything.

[29:15] And I mean, I don't know if they've changed cruise ship technology significantly, but I don't think you can just do that, right?

[29:21] Only on gay cruises because we have no sense of boundaries.

[29:24] Sure.

[29:26] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[29:27] Yeah, that was the thing about this that really—

[29:31] I was just like, even on like a hetero sex cruise, like even if like—

[29:37] Presume, I know it's hard to believe, presume that the makers of Boat Trip are homophobic.

[29:43] Okay, yeah.

[29:44] And hold bad, incorrect views about gay people.

[29:49] But on a hetero sex cruise, they wouldn't have no locks on anything, and people wouldn't just be wandering in all over the place.

[29:58] Like any sort of sex cruise, whether it be gay or not gay, there are still, yes, boundaries to be—

[30:05] Dan's pitching his own sex cruise.

Elliott Kalan

[30:06] There are clearly scheduled orgy moments, and then there's a break.

[30:11] You need boundaries.

[30:12] You need boundaries even in a sexual relationship, you know?

[30:15] Yeah.

[30:16] Dan, I think they were hoping the audience would be so distracted by the over-the-top Latin stereotype that we're watching that they wouldn't even think about those things.

Dan McCoy

[30:26] So at the bar, one of the bars on the boat, they meet Roger Moore, and I perk up a little bit just because Roger Moore's on screen.

[30:35] Yeah, fresh off of Spice World.

Elliott Kalan

[30:36] If anyone leaves this movie with their dignity intact, it's Roger Moore.

[30:41] He's the only one, I feel like.

[30:43] In fact, I feel like he's the one character—the one actor in the movie who is borderline not embarrassing himself constantly.

[30:50] But I don't know.

Alonso Duralde

[30:51] I mean, also, he's committing to the bit, but when you make this guy lick a breakfast sausage, it's just like, that is true.

Elliott Kalan

[30:59] He's the only guy who can do that terrible, not funny bit.

[31:02] And when it's over, I'm like, well, he's a professional.

[31:05] Look, he's going to do what they tell him to do.

[31:07] That's what it is.

Alonso Duralde

[31:08] He's thinking to himself like, I'm in a carry-on movie, basically.

[31:11] Yes, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:12] The material he's given is terrible, but somehow, you know, he seems untouched by it in a weird way.

Elliott Kalan

[31:18] Maybe it's just me remembering how funny he is in Spice World and having the fumes of that since we watched that recently.

Dan McCoy

[31:26] Anyway, he touts how much sex is on the cruise.

[31:28] He says they must visit the hole-in-one range where the chaps swing some very large clubs.

[31:35] Ugh, you don't forget what I said.

Stuart Wellington

[31:38] Yeah, yeah, that's a level of double entendre.

[31:42] Fit for a Big Johnson t-shirt.

[31:44] And this is what I love.

[31:46] The double entendres—

Elliott Kalan

[31:47] It's like a child wrote what they thought was a sexy joke.

Dan McCoy

[31:52] The double entendres are about to end, and I love this.

[31:55] So he asks if they have an open relationship, then invites them on a midnight swim to do whatever feels right, saying then, that is what a gay cruise is all about.

[32:04] Which is clunky dialogue for him to just say it that way.

[32:08] But I was glad that someone told them directly, because these two doofuses couldn't have gone through the whole movie without realizing that they were on a gay cruise.

Stuart Wellington

[32:15] I feel like that would have been funnier if at no point they actually realized it.

Elliott Kalan

[32:19] It would be funnier if they were on this cruise, had sex with men, left the cruise, went home, never realizing it was a gay cruise or what was going on.

[32:28] And then the movie ended with them being like, that was a fun cruise.

[32:31] And them never being so oblivious to everything that was happening around them.

Alonso Duralde

[32:34] Our friend was right. Cruises are really fun.

[32:36] Under the closing credits, like showing slides of the trip and having people be like, you realize you were on a gay cruise.

[32:41] Like, what? No!

[32:43] Of course we weren't.

Dan McCoy

[32:45] Yeah, so the other shoe is dropped and Horatio Sands freaks out and Cuba Gooding Jr. faints from the absolute horror of probably being at the best party they've ever been to in their lives for the next week.

Elliott Kalan

[33:03] This is a very, also feels like a strange thing to have in 2002, 2003.

[33:11] Like a movie where straight men are, they act as if they're on a boat filled with monsters for a moment.

Alonso Duralde

[33:18] They find out everyone's a werewolf.

[33:20] Yeah.

[33:21] Will and Grace was on the air at this point.

[33:23] You know, like we can't pretend like this is, you know, the 1982 or something.

[33:28] Not that it would have been forgivable then either.

[33:30] But yeah, the level of hysteria.

[33:34] And all I kept thinking of was there's a thing that goes around the internet every so often where people say the straight men who are the most upset about gay people are the ones who realize that, who think that gay men are going to treat them the way they treat women.

[33:50] And seeing how we have treated, how we've seen Horatio Sanz and Cuba Gooding Jr.'s characters treat women, I guess that's a valid fear on their behalf.

Stuart Wellington

[34:01] I guess.

[34:02] Yeah, that's a good point.

[34:03] I also think on some level I think this movie is pretty good for representation because up to this point, usually when there's gay characters in movies, they're like dressed well, they're well-spoken, they're a little bit fabulous.

[34:15] But I feel like the vast majority of people on this cruise dress like shit.

Elliott Kalan

[34:18] This is a super normcore gay cruise.

[34:20] We can be anonymous dullards too.

[34:26] Here's a rainbow stew.

[34:27] Yeah, you're right.

[34:28] Rainbow styles, tastes.

Dan McCoy

[34:30] Some dumb shenanigans where they get angry and roll in the bed together.

Elliott Kalan

[34:34] That's true.

[34:35] Somebody walks in and assumes that they're in bed together even though they're clearly angry and fully clothed.

Stuart Wellington

[34:42] I don't know, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[34:43] Have you ever done it before?

[34:44] Don't slouch your man.

[34:47] I've never had fight sex before where you're battling each other.

[34:50] Yeah.

[34:51] Don't knock it until you tried it, baby.

[34:55] That's another old-fashioned joke where if two human beings are having any sort of physical contact and someone walks in, it must be sexual in their minds.

[35:03] It's the same way in like noises off where someone's helping someone out with a zipper and it's like, oh, this must be a blowjob situation.

[35:10] It doesn't really make sense for these two characters to be in a blowjob situation, but I have to assume that's the case.

Alonso Duralde

[35:15] They're on a gay cruise without door locks, all right?

[35:17] Everything is suspicious.

[35:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:19] Do you think all the rooms on every deck connect at like one long – like it's the back rooms kind of?

[35:25] Like everything just kind of connects in one long apocalyptic corridor of open doors?

[35:30] And it all leads to the driving range.

[35:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:34] There's a brief montage of them.

Elliott Kalan

[35:36] The ship is somehow larger on the inside than on the outside.

[35:39] It's a gay TARDIS.

Dan McCoy

[35:40] There's a brief montage of them not enjoying the entertainment on this cruise, which of course makes sense.

[35:48] Because if there's one area that gay people historically have not ensailed, it's theater arts, cabaret-style performances.

[35:55] They just don't know how to do it.

[35:57] Cuba is so drunk and despondent, he falls into the pool and hits his head.

Stuart Wellington

[36:01] I got to say, this is the first time we see one of our – let's say our three leads.

[36:06] Him, Cuba Gooden Jr., Horatio Sainz, and Vivica A. Fox.

[36:10] They all have a scene where they get very drunk.

[36:13] And in every case, I'm like, this person has never been drunk before in their life.

[36:17] Because they are behaving wild.

[36:19] Like, he has regressed to, like, childhood at this point.

[36:22] He's, like, stomping around like an angry baby.

[36:24] And I have spent a lot of time around drunk people, and I have very rarely seen this kind of behavior.

[36:30] Yeah.

[36:31] That's a good point.

[36:32] Well, he is rescued by the –

Elliott Kalan

[36:34] Has Cuba Gooden Jr. ever been in your bar?

Dan McCoy

[36:36] Yeah.

[36:37] I hope not.

[36:37] He's banned.

[36:40] He was before, he is now.

[36:42] Yeah.

[36:43] He's rescued by Gabriela, who we will later learn is the ship's dance instructor.

[36:52] Meanwhile, Sainz is so upset he's on this cruise.

[36:56] He shoots –

Elliott Kalan

[36:57] And this is Rosalind Sanchez from your favorite show, Without a Trace.

[37:00] I'm sorry.

[37:01] I'm surprised you didn't mention that.

[37:02] Of course, Without a Trace.

Dan McCoy

[37:03] Yeah.

[37:03] About people who vanish, one presumes, without a trace.

Elliott Kalan

[37:09] Oh, wow.

[37:09] I have contacts please over here.

[37:10] Spoken like someone who's seen every episode.

Dan McCoy

[37:13] Yeah.

[37:14] Sainz is so distressed by –

Elliott Kalan

[37:15] Oh, she was also on your other favorite show, Devious Maids.

[37:18] Devious Maids?

[37:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:20] They're so much more entertaining than straightforward maids.

Elliott Kalan

[37:24] These maids are devious.

[37:25] They move all your stuff.

Alonso Duralde

[37:27] I got to say, that's a fucking good name.

[37:29] It is a good name.

[37:31] I know you can hire like a naked housekeeper, but do people advertise as I'm a devious housekeeper?

Stuart Wellington

[37:38] I mean, I would be in for it because I'm a fucking – I'm a fiend for drama, baby.

Dan McCoy

[37:43] I've switched out all of your clothes for one size smaller every time I hear.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] I love it.

[37:47] I will do the laundry.

[37:49] I will change the sheets.

[37:51] I won't do windows.

[37:52] I will put a crocodile in your closet when you least expect it.

[37:55] I love it.

[37:56] This made it stevious.

[37:57] I will seduce your fiance.

Dan McCoy

[38:00] Sans is so distressed by being on this cruise.

[38:04] He shoots a flare up in the air to try and get the attention of a helicopter, only to hit the helicopter, which crashes into the water.

[38:13] At this point, later on, we find out that they survive.

[38:17] But at this point, did he just kill people?

[38:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[38:19] I was kind of hoping that was going to be the rest of the plot of the movie.

[38:22] It's been desperate, like, talented Mr. Ripley-ing his way through life, trying to not get busted.

Elliott Kalan

[38:27] Poirot shows up on the boat.

[38:28] Someone on here shot a flare in the helicopter.

Alonso Duralde

[38:31] He's going to pin the murder on Roger Moore.

[38:34] Yeah.

[38:35] Only one of us has a license to kill.

Dan McCoy

[38:38] Ooh, yeah.

[38:40] So, yeah.

[38:42] You know, Cuba gets returned to his room by Gabriela.

[38:46] He's all drunk.

[38:47] Sans is ranting and raving.

[38:49] Cuba falls on top of Sans, making Gabriela, of course, again.

[38:53] Oh, you know, they can't keep their hands off each other.

[38:56] They're so alone.

[38:56] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[38:57] They have so much chemistry together when they're not in bed.

[38:59] So, you know that they also, they can't keep their hands off each other.

[39:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:03] There are a lot of scenes, like the next one, where Roger Moore comes on to Horatio Sands at

[39:08] breakfast, where I'm like, Roger, you could do better than this guy.

[39:11] What are you doing?

Alonso Duralde

[39:13] The joke, I think, is that he is what is colloquially known as a chubby chaser.

[39:18] And they're basically, if that is the case, they are recycling a joke from the Ritz, the

[39:25] Terrence McNally farce, which was turned into a film by Richard Lester, where I believe it's

[39:31] F. Murray Abraham plays a character who spends the entire movie trying to nab Jack Weston,

[39:37] who is actually a mobster who is hiding out in a gay bathhouse.

Stuart Wellington

[39:40] And that character was Salieri, right?

[39:43] That's the character.

Elliott Kalan

[39:44] Twist.

[39:47] He's mad because Mozart gets much hotter, guys.

[39:50] I feel like I haven't.

[39:51] And he barely tries, and they fall into his lap.

[39:54] What's his secret?

Stuart Wellington

[39:55] I've definitely seen clips from the Ritz, but I don't think I've seen the whole movie.

[39:59] Ritz clips.

[40:00] Yeah.

[40:01] It's better than this one.

Elliott Kalan

[40:03] It's amazing how sometimes a piece of merchandising will outlast the original movie,

[40:08] because they still sell Ritz crackers in the grocery stores.

[40:10] Yeah, it's wild.

[40:10] You know, it really took off.

Dan McCoy

[40:12] If you haven't seen it, we should put on the Ritz.

[40:15] Oh, okay.

[40:16] Why not?

Elliott Kalan

[40:17] Now, this is a – I think, Alonzo, that seems like a very merciful reading of what's going on.

[40:24] It feels to me like the fear of any of these kind of hetero guys in movies is always that

[40:29] gay men will instantly be – will not be able to let them go.

[40:33] Will be so attracted to them.

[40:35] And it feels like there's – it's some of that joke too, but it's hard to tell.

Alonso Duralde

[40:38] And as Horatio has already told us, there's nowhere for him to go.

Elliott Kalan

[40:42] Oh, yeah.

[40:43] That's right.

[40:43] Again, great writing.

[40:44] The hunter has become the hunter.

[40:45] They set up the problem, and now he's – he was the cat, and now he's the mouse.

[40:48] He's hoisted his own petard.

Stuart Wellington

[40:50] And there's also the –

[40:51] And not in the sexy way.

[40:54] Yeah, I don't know what the code for – what petard is code for.

[40:59] They don't even have a handkerchief that color.

Elliott Kalan

[41:01] You boys should really go down to the petard hoisting room.

[41:04] It's quite a fun time.

[41:07] And so ironic.

[41:09] You did bring your own hoist, right?

Dan McCoy

[41:12] So at this point, Cuba is convinced he's in love with Gabrielle, even though he's essentially

[41:17] been unconscious all the time he's known her.

[41:20] Meanwhile –

Elliott Kalan

[41:20] She is the other beautiful woman in the movie, so he has to fall in love with her right away.

Dan McCoy

[41:25] Meanwhile, there are a bunch of bikini women who have been rescued from the sea.

[41:30] Turns out they're from the crashed helicopter.

[41:32] Uh-huh, yep.

Elliott Kalan

[41:33] I wish – I so wish – the way you described it, Dan, it made it seem like they got caught

[41:37] in a tuna net, and it had to be cut out of the net.

[41:40] I so wish it was something like that.

Dan McCoy

[41:43] Yeah, they're mermaids in full human form.

[41:46] Now, they're essentially the Swedish bikini team, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] There's some kind of off-brand Swedish bikini team.

Alonso Duralde

[41:54] Exactly.

[41:54] Was that ever a real thing, or was it just a beer thing?

[41:56] It's a competitive suntan thing.

[41:58] Oh, that's right.

Stuart Wellington

[41:59] In the movie, not – the Swedish bikini team was – yeah, it was a real thing.

[42:04] Were they like special forces for Sweden?

[42:06] What is – do they have a car wash?

[42:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:09] I mean, they existed.

[42:11] It was a real competition.

[42:13] Who knows?

Stuart Wellington

[42:14] Are you like asking if Spuds McKenzie was a real thing?

Elliott Kalan

[42:17] Well, that's the question.

[42:17] Spuds McKenzie was not a real competitive surfing dog.

[42:20] You know?

Alonso Duralde

[42:22] The Olympic committee is still not committed on this front.

[42:25] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:26] I mean, if breakdancing can be an Olympic event, why not dog surfing?

[42:29] There's nothing in the rule book.

[42:30] Throwing shade to breakdancing.

[42:32] I'm actually very excited about the breakdancing competition in this year's Olympics.

[42:35] I think it's going to be really good.

Dan McCoy

[42:37] So, Sands decides instead of – he's creeping all over these girls.

[42:42] Instead of saying like he's heterosexual to hit on them, he's going to pretend to be gay for a while so he can see them topless and massage tanning oil into them.

[42:54] Yeah, it makes sense.

[42:55] He's one of our – again, one of our supposed heroes of this film.

Elliott Kalan

[42:58] Dan, do you want to talk about the part where he mimes – he pretends he's having an orgasm so he can squirt suntan lotion like jizz all over the back of him?

Dan McCoy

[43:06] I don't want to talk about it.

[43:07] I'm glad you –

[43:07] Do you want to talk about that?

Stuart Wellington

[43:09] Yeah, and he does this like pretend O face, which was confusing for me because as I've told you guys over and over, when I orgasm, I say, oh my God, like Janice from Friends every time.

[43:19] That's how you did say that.

Elliott Kalan

[43:20] Dan, do you want to mention how it's shot from below as if you are the prone victim of Horatio Sands' sex?

Dan McCoy

[43:27] I don't want to talk about any of it, but unfortunately I have to talk about what happens next.

Alonso Duralde

[43:30] And his ejaculate for some reason smells like coconut.

Dan McCoy

[43:34] It's because of his diet.

[43:35] Diet, yeah, exactly.

[43:38] His erection is spotted –

Elliott Kalan

[43:39] And then it also comes out with a kind of ketchup bottle squirt sound, which is –

[43:43] You should talk to a doctor if that's happening.

Dan McCoy

[43:45] I don't think that when I introduce the words his erection, any interruption is allowed.

Alonso Duralde

[43:50] If we didn't get a like splort sound effect like the old Batman TV show, was this movie's idea of restraint.

[43:56] Yeah, that's true.

[43:56] That's a good point.

Dan McCoy

[43:58] His erection is spotted by their coach.

Elliott Kalan

[44:00] Hey, Dan, what do you think it sounds like when Don Martin cartoon characters ejaculate?

[44:05] Like what's the sound effect of that?

Dan McCoy

[44:06] I mean, I think you said it just splort.

[44:08] Would it splort be it?

Elliott Kalan

[44:09] Like flubba-da-flubba-da-flubba-da-splort, something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[44:12] Goddamn, I miss my calling being like a Don Martin aping like erotic artist.

Alonso Duralde

[44:18] Now, is it we're talking about Chester Bester Tester or like Captain Cluck?

[44:22] Wait, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[44:23] I don't want to go online and Google Mr. Phone Bone comics.

Dan McCoy

[44:28] I just had a million-dollar idea, and that is orgasm.

Elliott Kalan

[44:31] If it's related to Don Martin cartoons, it's probably not a million-dollar idea.

[44:35] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:35] Well, that was an ironic description anyway.

[44:38] Oh.

[44:39] An orgasm soundboard.

[44:41] It's a soundboard like when you have an orgasm, you can reach over and do like a wacky sound.

[44:46] I guarantee you something like that exists, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[44:48] You can sell that shit to like every shock jock in America.

[44:51] I was going to say, I think morning zoo crews are way ahead of you on this.

[44:54] That does remind me.

[44:55] I may have talked about this before in the podcast.

[44:56] I don't remember.

[44:57] My old coworker, James Don, who I worked with at The Daily Show, how he used to – he would

[45:01] set his – when I worked with him and a couple other people in one big room,

[45:04] he would set his computer to play an audio track of sex sounds he had found and then an

[45:09] audio track of fart sounds he had found and then just leave the room and leave these playing

[45:13] at the same time.

Dan McCoy

[45:15] Jimmy, he's mellowed a little as he's grown older, but yeah.

[45:18] He's always funny every time.

Elliott Kalan

[45:19] I mean, yeah.

[45:20] But it was always a good way to disrupt everybody else's work.

Dan McCoy

[45:24] I want to make it clear.

[45:25] This soundboard, though, would not be for radio use.

[45:27] This would be for actual sexual use.

[45:29] No, for personal use.

[45:29] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[45:31] During the act of coitus.

[45:32] During the act of love.

[45:33] Okay, I know that makes sense.

[45:34] Well, that reminds me of a Reddit board that I saw once that I was directed to where it

[45:39] was very touching.

[45:40] This guy was writing about how his fantasy of having sex with a clown and everyone was

[45:44] kind of like encouraging him.

[45:46] They were like, you should do this.

[45:46] You should do this.

[45:47] And then a couple weeks later, he wrote about – he met someone through the Reddit board.

[45:51] She made his fantasy come true.

[45:53] And she set it up so there were all these little surprises.

[45:55] And when he came at the end, she had a tiny cream pie that she put in his face.

[45:59] A tiny – and everyone was like, that's great.

[46:01] That's great.

[46:02] It was such a heartwarming story.

[46:04] I want that.

[46:06] I hope there's a bicycle horn in here somewhere.

Stuart Wellington

[46:08] There must have been.

[46:08] There must have been a horn somewhere.

[46:09] God, you have done so much for others.

Dan McCoy

[46:11] Why did you do that for me?

[46:11] Did she keep the big shoes on?

[46:13] I have so many questions.

[46:14] With so many things on the internet, this could just be bullshit.

[46:17] But I want to believe.

[46:18] But I'd like to believe that dreams do come true occasionally.

[46:21] Yeah.

[46:22] Anyway, back to – I don't want to say this, but back to Horatio Sanz's erection.

[46:26] It is spotted by Lin Shay, the muscular coach of the bikini team.

[46:35] And she beats him up for creeping on the team.

Elliott Kalan

[46:39] This was farther than I thought the movie would go, frankly, was to have a character – to have her literally point at his erection through his pants and be like, what's that all about?

[46:47] And he goes, I saw that hot guy over there.

[46:49] That's why.

[46:49] I did not think we were going to have a joke where you actually see someone's erection through their pants.

[46:53] But Boat Trip is all about pushing boundaries.

[46:55] It's like John Waters that way.

Stuart Wellington

[46:57] Does she slap it like Josh O'Connor and Mike Feist in Challengers?

[47:01] Yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[47:02] I want to pause on Lin Shay for a moment because I think she is a legend.

[47:08] She deserves much better.

[47:09] This movie maligns in a terrible way.

[47:11] I mean, she made her screen debut in Hester Street, like a great – one of the great indie films of the 1970s.

[47:18] Yeah.

[47:18] And in the Insidious series, she has really gotten the real estate to, like, create this amazing character.

[47:24] And I'm such a huge fan of her.

[47:26] And I died a little inside every time she appears in this movie.

[47:30] And they humiliate her with such relish.

Dan McCoy

[47:35] Yeah.

[47:36] I texted Stu and Elliot saying that this movie needs to apologize to Lin Shay.

[47:40] Yes.

[47:40] I mean, it needs to apologize to many people.

Stuart Wellington

[47:42] Humanity in general.

[47:43] All of the whole world.

[47:44] Yeah.

[47:45] Especially Lin Shay.

[47:46] I feel like some of the blame can be laid at the feet of the Farrelly brothers.

[47:50] Because didn't they use her in a similar type of situation in Kingpin?

[47:54] Yes.

Alonso Duralde

[47:54] And there's something about Mary.

[47:56] Yeah.

[47:56] Yeah, and she's game.

[47:58] Like, she is clearly going with it and committing to the bit.

[48:02] But the bit is rancid.

[48:04] It's terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[48:04] I mean, by the time later when she is – she's deep-throating a baseball bat.

[48:08] Yes.

[48:09] You know, it's like –

[48:09] Yes.

[48:09] But she – similar to Roger Moore, I feel like she gets out of this with her dignity intact because she's so committed to it.

[48:16] Sure.

[48:16] That you feel like you're seeing a performer doing the role rather than –

[48:20] Cubigan Jr. and Ratio Sands are so half-assed that you're like, is this what they're like?

[48:24] Are they really these jerks?

[48:25] And I should mention, this is – Lin Shay is amazing, but this is the third movie she's been in that we've covered on The Flophouse.

[48:32] Wow.

[48:32] What are the other two?

[48:33] I mean, one was Critters.

[48:35] Okay.

[48:35] And one was –

[48:36] Well, that was a good movie.

[48:36] A good movie, yeah.

[48:37] And she's also – she has a small part in Brain Smash or A Love Story.

[48:40] So –

[48:40] Also not that bad.

[48:42] So those were both movies that we kind of liked to a certain extent.

[48:45] Maybe we'll go three for three.

[48:47] Stay tuned.

[48:50] Yeah.

[48:50] Yeah, I think this is where – this is where Miss Shay's run.

[48:53] And streak ends.

Stuart Wellington

[48:54] We didn't even mention the fact that this is a movie that is not available normally in any fashion.

[49:01] Oh, yes.

[49:01] We should talk about it.

[49:01] You can only find it on YouTube with the – that has the subtitle, what, Greatest Comedy Movie Ever?

[49:07] Is that what it is?

Elliott Kalan

[49:08] It's like O-Trip, Greatest Comedy Movie Ever.

[49:09] It was uploaded by just a random person.

[49:12] I could only – we were looking for this, and I could only find – the only way to watch it,

[49:14] other than buying an old DVD of it, I guess, is to go on YouTube and look that up.

[49:19] Or there's a German-dubbed version that's on –

[49:22] Actually, that would have been really great.

[49:23] – Daily Motion or something.

[49:24] And otherwise, this movie is unavailable to stream.

[49:27] It's been disappeared.

[49:29] On feature platforms.

Alonso Duralde

[49:29] And I have a theory.

[49:30] This movie was produced by Brad Cravoy and his company, Motion Picture Corporation of America,

[49:35] who currently makes, like, those innocuous Hallmark-like Christmas movies on Netflix

[49:41] and produces the hit Hallmark series, When Calls the Heart, which is, like, the sappiest thing on television.

[49:48] So I think maybe he's a little embarrassed that this is part of his past.

[49:51] Just a theory.

[49:52] I don't know anything, but I just – I know that it is not –

[49:55] Yeah, you don't know anything about Hallmark movies or Christmas movies.

[49:58] I have to say, I don't know if Mr. Cravoy embraces the multitudes he contains or not,

[50:04] but this is definitely not what he's about now.

Dan McCoy

[50:08] Yeah.

[50:10] So later on in the Ship Casino, Sands, for some reason, is convinced that gay men can't gamble

[50:17] and he's going to clean up.

Elliott Kalan

[50:19] If this is a stereotype I've never heard, that gay men are bad at poker, I've never –

[50:25] and there's no – they don't even make any double entendre jokes about poke or anything like that.

[50:29] Yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[50:30] Well, the Lady Gaga song hadn't been recorded yet, so people would know.

[50:34] And we were actually, you know –

[50:36] Amazing at it.

Dan McCoy

[50:37] And there's a moment in here where –

Elliott Kalan

[50:39] It's amazing that people who, through no fault of their own, often have to hide a major aspect of their lives from this world,

[50:46] that they're good at keeping a straight face playing cards.

[50:48] Amazing.

[50:49] How can you not know?

[50:49] What?

Alonso Duralde

[50:50] Gays know how to bluff?

[50:51] What?

Dan McCoy

[50:54] There's a moment in here where Jerry, QB Gooden Jr.'s character, wants him to promise that he won't act like a homophobic Neanderthal.

[51:03] And I'm like, you're the guy who fainted when you realized you're on a gay cruise.

[51:08] Like, this is a real turnaround to you to suddenly be like, now let's be sensitive.

[51:12] Hold on.

[51:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:13] Be progressive like me.

[51:15] Yeah, the movie remembered that he's supposed to be the nice guy.

[51:17] Because this is – I imagine the people making this movie thought – we'll get to Hector's heartfelt speech later.

[51:24] But they thought they were making, I assume, a progressive movie.

[51:28] The same way – this movie was – it lost the Razzie for a worst movie to – for worst director and worst actor to Gigli,

[51:37] another movie that thinks it is saying something progressive but in actuality is not.

[51:43] Yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[51:43] Yeah.

[51:43] This is the kind of movie that thinks, well, we're not advocating that gay men be rounded up and shot in the street.

[51:48] So, like, where's my GLAAD award?

[51:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:51] I would love it if they had a huge GLAAD award campaign for it.

Stuart Wellington

[51:55] Yeah.

[51:56] Well, I mean, like, the character arc for them is like, oh, gay men are people.

Dan McCoy

[52:02] Like, wow.

[52:03] Actual human beings with souls.

[52:05] Yeah.

[52:05] Well, we'll get to it later on.

[52:07] But, like, the most charitable viewing of this movie, one that I do not hold, but, like –

Elliott Kalan

[52:13] I mean, the most charitable viewing is if you screened it for, like, some sort of benefit for GLAAD or something like that.

[52:19] That's very charitable.

[52:20] No, I don't think that would be –

[52:20] Look how far we've gone.

[52:22] I think that would be a very uncharitable thing to do.

[52:25] People there –

[52:26] I mean, you don't – I mean, the money goes to GLAAD.

[52:28] No one – no members of the organization have to watch the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[52:30] And before the movie, you get, like, Orville Peck to come on to play some songs.

[52:34] There you go.

[52:35] Make a whole night of it.

[52:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:37] I mean, because the benefit, we throw away a copy of Boat Trip for GLAAD.

Elliott Kalan

[52:40] Yeah.

[52:40] I mean, I will say –

[52:41] Anyway.

[52:41] I will say, when they – when that – when the other online movie people, when they destroyed all those copies of Nuki, I was like, hey, like, that's a bad movie.

[52:48] But that's like – I don't like the idea of destroying physical pieces of art.

[52:52] No.

[52:52] If you destroyed every copy of Boat Trip, I'd be fine.

[52:54] Like, there's no reason this needs to exist.

[52:56] Like, just burn them all.

[52:57] There's a period of time where people –

[52:58] Again, those who forget the past, man.

[53:00] You have one in a museum.

[53:01] It's like a Confederate statue.

[53:02] You keep one in a museum so people can remember the mistakes.

[53:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:07] Okay.

[53:07] Well, you've successfully almost made me forget my point.

[53:09] But it was that the most charitable viewing, again, one I do not hold, would be like, we are slipping in this message of tolerance in a form that the biggest doofuses would be receptive to it.

[53:23] So we put it –

Elliott Kalan

[53:23] Let's make the movie Homophobes Would Find Funny and then we'll slip in a message and they'll walk out changed.

Dan McCoy

[53:28] Yes.

[53:28] But, unfortunately, it's Boat Trip.

[53:32] It's horrible.

[53:33] So, anyway, Sands, of course, does terribly at poker.

[53:37] But he is connecting with these men through the shared masculine language of poker.

[53:43] So maybe that will help him change his mind.

[53:46] At one point –

Elliott Kalan

[53:46] And isn't one of the people he's playing poker with is the slob part of the brain from Herman's head, right?

Dan McCoy

[53:51] Yes.

[53:52] It is.

[53:53] Yeah.

[53:54] And I believe they're the dealer who at one point calls three-card Monty, which is not a poker variant.

[54:00] It is a street scam.

[54:04] Yeah.

[54:04] But Cuba finally finds Gabriela and immediately falls into the pool again.

Elliott Kalan

[54:14] Guaranteed laughs every time.

[54:16] There's nothing funnier than falling in a pool.

[54:18] It wasn't even in the script.

[54:19] Boat Trip understood it.

[54:20] It's a Wonderful Life understood it.

[54:22] People falling in pools.

[54:23] Funny.

Dan McCoy

[54:25] Sunset Boulevard understands it.

[54:27] Especially if they do it three times.

[54:28] You know, every joke is funnier three times.

[54:33] Sands finds Inga from the bikini team who, because she is Swedish and loose in her morals, Sands – he's like,

[54:43] it's my understanding from your films that you'll just have sex with anyone, basically, is what he says.

[54:49] And she's like, yeah, if you were straight, I totally would.

[54:51] And he's like, yeah, I'm straight.

[54:53] So they're going to have sex.

Elliott Kalan

[54:54] And this is Miss World Sweden, Victoria Silvestet.

[54:58] Silvestet, whose name I always think is Silvestet, but it's not.

Alonso Duralde

[55:01] And mind you, the idea that Horatio Sands has watched a lot of Swedish erotica feels like a joke from 1973.

[55:09] Yeah, it's true.

[55:11] Like this is 2002.

[55:12] Americans were making plenty of pornography at that point.

[55:15] You didn't have to sit through all of I Am Curious Yellow's political diatribes to see some penetration, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[55:21] He's like, the Mondo Connie sauna scenes lead me to believe that.

Alonso Duralde

[55:28] I have a bunch of vinegar syndrome schoolgirl reports that I've been watching.

[55:33] I watched Bergman's Summer with Monica and –

Elliott Kalan

[55:36] It's led me to believe.

[55:38] I think a lot of this is you have to lay at the feet of Mort Nathan, I assume.

[55:44] He is working off the frame of reference of an older person who's making this movie.

Alonso Duralde

[55:49] They made him cut all the Nixon jokes.

Dan McCoy

[55:53] But while Sands is busy buying condoms, Lin Shay as the coach comes in –

[55:58] An actual funny joke, by the way.

[56:00] Describe the joke.

[56:01] Tell us about the joke.

Alonso Duralde

[56:02] So, okay, Horatio Sands goes into like the shop on the cruise ship and says,

[56:06] do you guys have any condoms?

[56:07] And every single person in the scene, customer and clerk alike, pulls out a different kind of condom.

[56:13] Because you know what?

[56:14] It was 2002 and gays were all wearing them a lot.

[56:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[56:19] Even that funny joke has an undercurrent of tragedy to it.

[56:23] I mean, sure, but so does this movie.

[56:25] Yeah, fair point.

[56:26] Fair, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:27] Lin Shay is like, you can't be entrusted in this room with a minibar, Inga,

[56:32] because you eat too much to be on this bikini team,

[56:35] which led to a scene I never expected to see,

[56:37] which is Lin Shay grabbing Victoria Silvestret's bikini butt over and over,

[56:44] calling her fatty as she pushes her out of the room.

Stuart Wellington

[56:46] Oh, cool.

[56:46] Yeah, that's a cool, another layer of bad messaging of this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[56:52] You know, okay.

[56:53] The Lin Shay scenes, I feel like the movie reaches a heightened level of kind of like extreme,

[57:01] I don't know exactly how to put it.

[57:02] It feels like in those moments, the movie gets like harsher and weirder and rougher

[57:05] in a way that I did not expect from a studio.

[57:08] Yeah, I'm like, I don't feel safe now.

[57:10] Yes, yeah.

[57:10] And if this was a, if there's a movie, I feel like there's a movie where Lin Shay is doing

[57:14] that same character and that same performance, but the whole movie is pitched that way.

[57:18] And it's a very camp movie, for lack of a better word.

[57:20] And that would make more sense to me.

[57:22] She, it feels like she's doing a camp role in a movie that is not a camp movie.

Alonso Duralde

[57:25] Well, yeah, like they can't decide, is she the sort of like traditional, you know,

[57:31] dykey coach that's like, you know, tormenting all of her young charges?

[57:36] Or is she a horny old broad, you know?

[57:39] Yeah.

[57:39] And like, they, it just, it's whatever she needs to be in the moment to do something

[57:44] that is offensive or outrageous.

[57:46] Yes.

[57:46] And so they're just kind of just stringing along these, as with everything else in this movie,

[57:51] a bunch of dumb stereotypes in the thought that anyone is going to find this amusing.

Dan McCoy

[57:57] I did find that very confusing because it was like, okay, so this is very much a butch

[58:01] lesbian stereotype.

[58:02] And yet she's also like chasing Horatio Sands.

[58:06] Like, you know, she's in a Tex Avery cartoon or something.

Elliott Kalan

[58:10] If the movie had been about Horatio Sands, he has, he, before he gets on the trip, he's

[58:17] like, oh, I'll get some new sunblock.

[58:18] He accidentally picks up radioactive sunblock from a laboratory experiment that the Axe body

[58:23] spray people have been doing.

[58:24] They're like, the attractiveness level of this body spray, this sunblock is just too powerful.

[58:28] We can't let it out in the public, but it gets out by accident like an interspace type

[58:32] scenario.

[58:33] And now he, everyone is chasing after him.

[58:35] That's a, you know, that would make more sense in this.

[58:37] Maybe it's a cut scene.

[58:38] Yeah, yeah.

[58:39] It's probably cut out.

[58:40] And that's why Lichet and Roger Moore can't keep their eyes off him, you know?

Alonso Duralde

[58:43] And there's, there's, there's also a smarter movie in which it turns out that all

[58:48] of Horatio Sands is egregious skirt chasing is a, is a cover for his own nascent homosexuality

[58:56] that he discovers while taking the boat trip.

[58:58] But nobody wanted to make that movie, at least not this crowd.

[59:01] The movie faints at that briefly.

Elliott Kalan

[59:04] It faints in that direction.

[59:04] Yeah.

[59:04] Not the way Cuba Gooding Jr.

[59:06] fainted, but it like, it seems like it's going to be that movie.

[59:09] And then the movie is like, uh, I don't think so.

Stuart Wellington

[59:12] Wait, is this when he goes back to his friends, his new friend's room?

Dan McCoy

[59:17] I'll tell you exactly where we are in the plot, Stuart.

[59:20] Thank you for redirecting us.

Elliott Kalan

[59:22] Dan's the captain of this ship and Stuart is the navigator.

[59:26] I'm the mate.

Dan McCoy

[59:26] You know, Cuba and Gabrielle are bonding some because she thinks he's gay.

[59:32] She's comfortable enough to tell him he has a hot ass.

[59:34] And she's like, oh, I'm so tired of being around hetero men who are always hitting on me.

[59:38] And I don't have to worry about that.

[59:40] And it's great to be on a gay cruise.

[59:42] And even, but, and if I get horny, maybe I can find a gay man to do me the, quote, favor of screwing my brains out.

[59:50] Which is not, I think, how it works.

[59:51] But it does convince Cuba to keep up this charade in the hopes that he can be, uh, said, you know, penis of utility.

Alonso Duralde

[1:00:01] There's this thing called bisexuals movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:04] Yes.

[1:00:05] The other thing.

[1:00:07] Um, I feel like if you told anyone working on this movie that that was the thing that existed, they would be, they would be shocked.

[1:00:13] They would faint the way that people would do it.

[1:00:15] They'd be like, what?

[1:00:16] It's not just hot women?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:18] Yeah.

[1:00:18] Well, yeah.

[1:00:19] Their head would start overheating.

[1:00:21] They'd start making a noise like a computer fan that's been running for too long.

[1:00:25] And they'd have to fall in the pool to cool down.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:27] Yeah.

[1:00:27] So, you know, returning to the low comedy, uh, of Horatio Sands.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:34] Oh, so you're saying this is, yeah, this is a classic structure of high comedy story, low comedy story that parallel each other.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:40] Okay.

[1:00:40] Exactly.

[1:00:42] Uh, Horatio, uh, thinking he's performing, thinking he's performing cunnilingus on, uh, Inga.

[1:00:51] He's instead going down on Lin Shay, who clamps her thighs onto him like Xenia on a top in GoldenEye.

[1:00:57] And she rides him to completion.

[1:00:59] And he's only able to get her off by spraying her with a fire extinguisher so that when all the other girls burst into the room, it looks like smoke is coming from between her legs.

[1:01:09] And Inga says, her pussy exploded.

[1:01:12] So that's a thing that's in the movie Boat Trip.

[1:01:15] What is this movie?

[1:01:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:16] It's also, and this is, again, this is the, this is a boat where all the doors are open all the time.

[1:01:21] They're unlocked all the time.

[1:01:22] And this classic, classic farce thing of somebody walking into a dark room, not realizing the person they expect to be there is not there.

[1:01:30] And just not bothering even to check, to double check who it is before.

Alonso Duralde

[1:01:33] It's happened to me so many fucking times.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:38] Um, you know, on land, Vivica Fox.

Alonso Duralde

[1:01:40] Also a cruise that had enough unbooked cabins to accommodate the Swedish bikini team after their helicopter crash.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:46] This was, I wish that, now I wish there was a scene where they're like, this is the final year of this cruise.

[1:01:51] We cannot, we're just not getting enough passengers.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:54] Uh, back on land, Felicia slash Vivica A. Fox seems dissatisfied with her new boyfriend, stares wistfully at a photo of her in Cuba that's still in her home.

[1:02:03] Um, meanwhile.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:05] That's a bold move to break up with somebody and still have the studio portrait you took with them just sitting on the table.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:02:12] It's like, uh, it's like confirmation of your kill.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:16] Skimming over a little.

[1:02:16] What was the reason, was it just that he seems like a dumb guy?

[1:02:19] What was the reason that she was suddenly off him?

Alonso Duralde

[1:02:22] I don't know.

[1:02:23] Do we really need to get into it?

[1:02:25] He's bad at detailing cars apparently because he can't control the buffer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:29] He's like, he's like buffing a car and then she not quite flashes him because she's wearing like a knife underneath and he loses control of it.

[1:02:35] And she takes this very clear scene that he is sexually attracted to her.

[1:02:39] She gets the ick.

[1:02:40] As like, gotta get rid of him.

[1:02:41] No, thank you.

Alonso Duralde

[1:02:43] Ick's name.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:45] Uh, yeah.

[1:02:46] I'm just gonna skim over some stuff.

[1:02:48] Uh, you know, Cuba enlists Horatio in the scam to keep acting gay so he can woo Gabrielle, uh, which is dumb.

[1:02:57] But these are two idiots, so I believe it on that level.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:00] Chuck and Larry portion of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:01] Um, there's a dance scene where, uh, you know, Sands cut, cuts loose, dances a little bit more, seems momentarily interested in maybe being Roger Moore's sugar baby until his homophobia wins out.

[1:03:16] Um, they hang out some more, blah, blah, blah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:20] Is this the scene where he and that guy share that bottle of Louis XIII?

[1:03:23] Not yet.

[1:03:23] One of many similarities between this movie and the holdovers.

[1:03:26] Stuart wants to jump ahead to that.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:27] Stuart's been trying to get to this scene for a long time.

[1:03:29] Uh, there's the scene in here, I mentioned before, where Sands tries to get back to Inga and is intercepted by Lin Shay, who deep throats a baseball bat.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:40] By way of saying that she can please him as well.

[1:03:42] It doesn't have to be just a one-way thing.

[1:03:44] And it's one of these things where it's like, Horatio, I know you've got your eye on this bikini model, but this is exactly what you wanted when you signed on to this cruise.

[1:03:52] You wanted to find a single woman who wanted nothing more than to have sex with you.

[1:03:55] It's being offered to you on an open platter.

[1:03:58] Like, well, go for it.

Alonso Duralde

[1:04:00] And is she quite possibly the only woman on earth who would find his oral skills satisfactory?

[1:04:05] Yeah, that's implied by the movie.

[1:04:07] I honestly don't believe that character is that unselfish a lover, frankly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:12] No, and also, later on he talks about how he's only had sex once, so he's never done that before, probably.

[1:04:18] Unless he's the Mozart of Cunnilingus, and he's just a natural-born prodigy.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:22] We can only assume that because—

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:24] And Salieri is fuming.

[1:04:25] In comes F. Marie Abraham in a towel.

[1:04:28] Salieri is like, oh, it takes me so much longer to get women off, and I'm trying really hard.

[1:04:32] I read books on it.

[1:04:33] Mozart, he barely even tries this first time.

[1:04:36] I love it.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:37] We can only assume that it's because she clamps so hard onto his face that he's screaming for help, and that is—

[1:04:43] Add some vibration.

[1:04:44] The vigorous, yeah.

[1:04:46] There's a really long scene of Cuba Gooding Jr. and Gabriella dancing sexy together.

[1:04:51] This goes on forever.

[1:04:52] It goes on so long.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:53] At a certain point, you are just watching two actors dance with no character to it and no scene to it.

[1:04:59] And it's like, so the movie wasn't long enough?

[1:05:01] Everything falls away, right, Ellie?

[1:05:02] What?

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:02] All artifice just falls away, and you are left with two bodies moving in rhythm.

[1:05:08] Artifice falls away, and there's just art.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:09] Yeah, you're right.

[1:05:11] You know what?

[1:05:11] That's true.

[1:05:12] If I follow the rules I set in my Nuki presentation years ago, this is just seeing two people existing on film.

[1:05:18] No longer characters, no longer in a scene, but just being the characters they are, just dancing.

[1:05:23] This is art.

[1:05:24] Boat Trip's a great movie now that we talk about it.

[1:05:26] Yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[1:05:26] In the same way that Fred and Ginger weren't having sex, they just took it to the floor, you know?

[1:05:31] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:32] They're not particularly great dancers, I think is part of the issue.

[1:05:36] We should mention.

[1:05:36] Is that when Cuban Jr. and Rosalyn Sanders are dancing, they're not terrible.

[1:05:40] It's not funny like bad dancing.

[1:05:41] It's just kind of, it looks like you're just watching two people at a wedding.

[1:05:44] Like it's not, there's nothing going on.

[1:05:46] And it's not like the scene in, is it God's Country?

[1:05:49] Is that the Louis Mall documentary where you're watching this small wedding and people are dancing,

[1:05:52] and there's something kind of profound about just existing in the moment of this kind of rural wedding?

[1:05:57] It's not that.

[1:05:57] You're just watching two idiots, you know, just dancing, and that's it.

[1:06:00] That's just, that's it.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:02] Around this point, Sands has a conversation with Hector about how he's finally seeing gay men as full human beings,

[1:06:08] but he still feels weird about hanging out with them, which makes him realize that maybe he's a jerk.

[1:06:14] And Hector talks about his coming out and how his dad eventually accepted and loved him,

[1:06:19] and his dad wasn't a jerk and neither is Sands.

[1:06:21] I'm like, I don't know about Sands.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:22] I mean, he is a jerk.

[1:06:24] Even setting aside the homophobia, the rest of his personality, he's a jerk.

[1:06:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:30] Gabriella and Jerry take some undefined drugs, and she wants him to show how to get a better head with a banana,

[1:06:40] and he's too homophobic to even blow a piece of fruit, so he asks her to show her technique.

[1:06:46] This is now the second actress who performs fellatio on an object in the movie Boat Trip.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:51] Okay, so I got to give this character a hot tip.

[1:06:54] If a woman you're interested is like, show me some sexual stuff, just fucking do it, dude.

[1:07:00] Just like go nuts.

[1:07:01] Because he behaves as if like if he were to take his wiener out, he would be like, I don't know.

[1:07:09] I don't even want to look at it.

[1:07:10] Like, I don't know.

[1:07:10] It's very strange to me.

Alonso Duralde

[1:07:11] Also, peel the banana.

[1:07:15] Do yourself a favor here.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:16] I mean, it would be, again, this would be a funny joke if she's like, show me what to do on this, and he's like, uh, and he unpeels it and then cuts it up and puts it in some cereal.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:24] So anyway, I just need to get through this next thing because it is, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:28] All right, just do it.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:29] No one's stopping it.

[1:07:30] Insane.

[1:07:31] So anyway.

[1:07:32] Jerry is so overcome with horniness seeing this that, uh, you know, she's like, where'd you go?

[1:07:39] And cut to him in the stateroom bathroom.

[1:07:41] He's sticking his dick out the window.

[1:07:43] Uh-huh.

[1:07:43] And then cut to a man downstairs talking to Roger Moore saying, for goodness sake, Lloyd, just kiss me first.

[1:07:49] And he has cum on his face.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:50] There's, he is.

[1:07:51] Yeah, he gets hit in the face.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:52] Weird to believe that Cuba has ejaculated out the window onto an unsuspecting man.

[1:07:56] Now, let's look at the physics of this.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:58] So he felt he could not go into the bathroom, a place where things that come out of your penis often end up and can be taken away.

[1:08:06] He had to go to a porthole.

[1:08:08] In your house, maybe.

[1:08:09] And stick his penis out of the porthole.

[1:08:10] Again, luckily, this is not the porthole of time.

[1:08:12] His penis doesn't show up in 17th century France from Robespierre to oppress it or something.

[1:08:16] To kill a butterfly.

[1:08:17] Now, if the ship is traveling forward at 250 knots per hour.

[1:08:21] Yeah, that's true.

[1:08:22] Dan, what if he had stuck his dick out at the porthole of time?

[1:08:24] He ejaculates on a butterfly.

[1:08:26] Everything changes.

[1:08:28] But, and then, like, I couldn't tell if it was that, like, the wind caught it and brought it back around into another room on the ship.

[1:08:36] That's what happens, dude.

[1:08:36] That's what happens?

[1:08:37] Yeah, they were like, yeah, it got caught by the wind.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:40] They sound like the, you know, the platform below.

[1:08:43] They're out on the deck, you know, and.

Alonso Duralde

[1:08:45] Yeah.

[1:08:46] Okay, that's assuming the boat isn't moving at all, though, because, you know, I think there's going to be a, there's wind and drag involved here.

[1:08:53] Yeah, that's true.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:53] And not the kind of drag we'll be getting later in the movie.

[1:08:56] You wanted a shot where the camera took the jizz eye view and we get to follow the jizz.

[1:09:01] Yeah.

[1:09:02] Like the beginning of Forrest Gump.

[1:09:04] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:04] Like a Forrest Gump with a feather, but it's just jizz.

[1:09:07] I mean, if that was.

Alonso Duralde

[1:09:08] And one flute on the soundtrack.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:10] If that was jizz instead of a feather and Forrest Gump, it would be a very different movie.

[1:09:13] I don't see it winning Best Picture.

[1:09:16] Brave stance.

[1:09:16] That's Forrest Pump.

[1:09:18] Yeah.

[1:09:20] He's just, he's just, he's jizzing into chocolates and then serving them to people.

[1:09:24] And the, but also that when he says, oh, buy me, buy me a meal, a dinner first or something like that.

[1:09:30] Like, so you're having me believe three things.

[1:09:32] One, on a gay, even on a gay cruise, it is unpleasant to be surprised by having ejaculate.

[1:09:38] But you're surprised by that?

[1:09:40] No, no, no, no, no.

[1:09:41] I think like the idea that he's so nonplug, he's so nonchalant about it.

[1:09:45] Accepting, yeah.

[1:09:45] But also that, was Roger Moore supposed to have ejaculated out of his nose?

[1:09:49] Like he's standing next to you fully clothed and it lays on your face.

Alonso Duralde

[1:09:52] I was saying that's the thing, too fully dressed.

[1:09:53] But where does he think that came from exactly?

[1:09:55] Came.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:55] If I was on a cruise.

[1:09:57] Yeah.

[1:09:57] If I was on a cruise, I would assume.

[1:09:59] As it were.

[1:09:59] Like, the joke should have been that he thought a seagull pooped on him or something like that.

[1:10:04] Like that's something that happens on cruises.

[1:10:05] That would make sense to me, but.

[1:10:07] Or maybe.

Alonso Duralde

[1:10:08] Or there would have been a poolside orgy 15 feet.

[1:10:10] You know.

[1:10:11] Yes, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:11] Or a seagull jizzed on him.

[1:10:13] Do they do that?

[1:10:14] Or a seagull jizzed on him.

[1:10:14] Yeah, seagulls have needs, too.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:16] Vote Trip wants it to be absolutely clear to you that this is Jerry's cum on this man's face.

[1:10:24] And it wants you to laugh and laugh and laugh at this.

Alonso Duralde

[1:10:27] Everyone should have had the Gallagher poncho on because they were clearly in the splash zone.

[1:10:33] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:35] But it is a weird choice to ejaculate out of a porthole.

[1:10:40] I.

[1:10:40] Rather than say into a tissue.

Alonso Duralde

[1:10:42] And to think that the guy next to you wearing pants did it to you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:46] Yes, yeah.

[1:10:47] I got to admit, I had to rewind and rewatch this sequence again just to make sure that I actually saw what I thought I saw.

[1:10:54] The storytelling is also not clear.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:55] Like, it's also not, it's not well edited.

[1:10:57] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:58] George Miller didn't put this together.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:00] No, no.

[1:11:00] Oh, there would, it would have been, George Miller did, it would have been all shots that are less than a second long, like half a second.

[1:11:05] And it would have been so clear and exciting.

[1:11:07] You'd know exactly what was happening.

[1:11:08] It would be centered in the middle of the frame no matter how much motion was going on around it.

[1:11:12] Oh, what a great filmmaker.

Alonso Duralde

[1:11:13] Also, how bad is sex with Kubu Gooding Jr. if all he has to do is watch a woman mime Felicio on a banana and he comes in two seconds?

[1:11:25] Hands free.

[1:11:25] Good point.

Elliott Kalan

[1:11:26] Yeah, okay, he's not even, his hands are like braced on the sides of the wall, right?

[1:11:30] As if he's worried that the force of the ejaculate will propel him backwards, like finding a gun on the moon.

Alonso Duralde

[1:11:35] Or he's going to go out the porthole crotch first if he's not careful.

[1:11:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:40] Anyway, Stuart, this is, this is, we've finally gotten to the senior.

[1:11:45] Anyway, happy Pride Month, everybody.

[1:11:47] Yeah, woo!

Alonso Duralde

[1:11:49] LGBT visibility, everybody.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:52] Horatio's hanging out with one of his new friends in their stateroom.

[1:11:56] They drink too much.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:57] Of Louis XIII, the very fancy booze.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:00] Okay, yeah, what is this type of alcohol, Stuart?

[1:12:03] The king, the king who is king.

[1:12:04] You seem very concerned with it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:05] When I was talking about Kubu Jr.'s penis going through the porthole too.

[1:12:09] There was a, like, it used to be like the fanciest of fancy.

[1:12:13] I think it's a cognac.

[1:12:14] Okay.

[1:12:14] But it's like, it used to be the fanciest of fancies.

Alonso Duralde

[1:12:17] Remember the bottle of cognac that Paul Giamatti steals at the end of the holdovers?

[1:12:21] Yeah, it's that kind of thing.

[1:12:23] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:24] It's one of many similarities between this and...

[1:12:26] I mean, the holdovers is basically just...

[1:12:29] Practically a remake, yeah.

[1:12:30] Yeah, just boat trip, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:32] Anyway, he wakes up in this man's bed, which causes him to scream and run back to his own

[1:12:38] room.

[1:12:39] And he admits that he hasn't had sex since high school.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:44] I will say, this sequence is less upsetting than the sequence in Ace Ventura when he finds

[1:12:51] out he's slept with...

[1:12:52] Oh, good lord.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:52] Yes, when he finds out he just was kissed by someone.

Dan McCoy

[1:12:55] Yeah.

[1:12:56] He was trans, I guess.

[1:12:58] Yeah.

[1:12:58] I guess we stepped over that low bar.

[1:13:00] But...

[1:13:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:02] So you're saying in the 10 years between Ace Ventura and boat trip, there had been a

[1:13:07] minimal amount.

[1:13:08] Small...

[1:13:08] Yeah, small...

[1:13:09] A millimeter's progress.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:11] He is now wondering whether he is gay.

[1:13:15] And instead of following up on this dramatic thread, we immediately cut away to Gabrielle,

[1:13:21] who's showing Jerry around some Grisha's island.

[1:13:25] And while they're ashore, Felicia, Vivica Fox appears, having tracked him down, gets on the

[1:13:30] boat unbeknownst to him.

[1:13:32] You can't just do that, man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:34] Found the boat, gets on the boat, also doesn't know it's a gay crew.

Alonso Duralde

[1:13:37] I was about to say, also clueless about the nature of this cruise.

[1:13:41] The people in Clueless had more of a clue than these characters.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:45] I would argue that many of the characters in Clueless have plenty of clues.

[1:13:49] Because it's a murder mystery?

Dan McCoy

[1:13:51] What about without a clue?

[1:13:54] Michael Caine.

[1:13:56] Anyway.

[1:13:56] Inga says goodbye to Nick slash Horatio Sands, inviting him to come to Sweden and have

[1:14:01] sex with her anytime.

[1:14:02] But he's got a new gayer attitude, and he's like, I don't care anymore.

[1:14:07] And this leads his buddy to be like, you know, we didn't actually have sex.

[1:14:11] Which immediately ends him questioning his sexuality, and he sends him running after Inga.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:15] Yeah, he's like, if I can't score a hottie like his friend he just made.

[1:14:20] Which is just like, dude, he's way out of your league, Horatio Sands.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:24] I would believe that Horatio Sands is so not in touch with his own feelings and emotions

[1:14:28] that he doesn't even know what type of human being he's attracted to until someone tells

[1:14:32] him, basically.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:34] And there's a scene here where Roger Moore and Hector lament losing this doofus to heterosexuality,

[1:14:41] and that rang less than true to me, that they would be disappointed.

[1:14:46] What a loss for everyone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:48] I think they say he could have been one of the best or something like that.

[1:14:51] Yeah.

[1:14:54] Yeah, what are the rankings these days?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:59] Anyway.

[1:15:00] Gabrielle kisses Cuba beneath a tree, and she apologizes for maybe pushing him into something

[1:15:05] he doesn't want to do.

[1:15:06] And he's like, whatever, let's do it.

[1:15:07] And they fuck so hard, a bunch of oranges fall from the tree.

[1:15:10] Not just a bunch.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:11] A fucking mountain of oranges.

[1:15:13] They are neck deep in oranges.

[1:15:15] It covers their entire bodies, thus making the movie PG-13?

[1:15:19] What?

[1:15:19] I don't know.

[1:15:20] But it is a-

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:22] Perfect grocery store pyramid.

[1:15:24] Yeah.

[1:15:25] Well, yeah.

[1:15:25] Now that he got that confidence nut out the fucking porthole, he's got plenty of stamina

[1:15:31] to knock all those fruits off the tree.

[1:15:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:33] But right after that, immediately afterward, she's regretful because there's no future

[1:15:37] for them, and she needs some time alone.

[1:15:40] And she goes back to the boat where she meets Vivica A. Fox in the elevator.

[1:15:43] That's when Vivica A. Fox learns it's a gay cruise, and she's like, what?

[1:15:47] I came here to get back with my boyfriend.

[1:15:48] What's going on?

[1:15:50] And someone in the dancing stage show is too sick to dance.

[1:15:55] One option.

[1:15:56] Too sick to dance sounds like it could be like a 30s backstage musical.

[1:16:00] Yeah.

[1:16:01] Jerry subs in.

[1:16:03] I'm not sure why, because he hasn't-

Alonso Duralde

[1:16:04] You're going out there at Chorus Boy, but you've got to come back to Star.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:08] Yeah.

[1:16:09] But I'm too sick to dance.

[1:16:11] There's only one cure for you.

[1:16:12] That's tapping your feet.

[1:16:14] He puts on a-

[1:16:16] Call in the dance doctor.

[1:16:19] I'm prescribing two-

[1:16:20] Actually, this sounds like the scene in the musical that the backstage musical is about.

[1:16:24] Yeah.

[1:16:25] It's like, Doc, Doc, I'm sick.

[1:16:27] I'm prescribing two dancing feet and call me in the morning.

[1:16:30] And then they sing a song about the best medicine or something.

[1:16:32] At a sold-out house.

[1:16:34] Your feet are too sad.

[1:16:37] It all devolves into Busby Berkeley geometric patterns of women on the floor anyway.

[1:16:41] Yeah.

[1:16:42] It doesn't really matter what the song is about.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:44] Jerry dons a gold headdress, mesh gold chain top and shorts, and he does the dance.

[1:16:50] I'm like that, though, dude.

[1:16:52] Yeah, he's not great.

[1:16:53] But you see his little butt at one point.

[1:16:55] What song is it?

Alonso Duralde

[1:16:56] I'm coming out.

[1:16:58] That's right.

[1:16:59] This is after earlier in the movie-

[1:17:00] Out of porthole.

[1:17:01] He learned how to pretend to be gay.

[1:17:03] I'm coming out of porthole.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:04] That's the parentheses.

[1:17:07] Parentheses.

[1:17:08] Of a porthole.

[1:17:09] Feet.

[1:17:10] Cuba Gooding Jr.'s sperm.

[1:17:12] Yeah.

[1:17:13] This is after earlier in the movie when learning how to be gay basically just meant learning

[1:17:17] the lyrics to, I will survive.

[1:17:19] That was pretty much it.

[1:17:21] Because, again, this movie's really just got its finger on the gay pulse.

[1:17:27] The gay men of 2003, they could not get enough of I will survive.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:34] This, of course, convinces Felicia all the more that he's gay.

[1:17:38] They have a confrontation about how she wants him back where he makes a lot of talk to the

[1:17:44] hand gestures.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:45] To be fair to Felicia, if I was tracking down my ex-boyfriend to get him back, I found out

[1:17:49] he was on a gay cruise and he was performing in drag, performing the song I'm Coming Out,

[1:17:54] it would be hard to convince me that he wasn't actually gay.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:57] If you were doing that, I would think that you would already know that he was gay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:02] Yeah.

[1:18:03] I mean, to be honest, if I was in a relationship with this person and I didn't have a feeling

[1:18:08] that they were gay and then I suddenly found them in this situation and I didn't suddenly

[1:18:12] have flashbacks to many, many incidents where I should have realized it, that's on me then.

[1:18:18] Yeah, it doesn't feel like a jump to conclusions, let's say.

[1:18:21] Yeah.

[1:18:21] Which role are you going to be, Elliot?

[1:18:23] What?

[1:18:23] Are you the Vivica Fox character?

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:25] I'm the Vivica Fox in this situation.

[1:18:26] Because I was going to say, I kind of feel like you could pull off that Cuba outfit he's

[1:18:30] wearing there with the headpiece and all the chains.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:33] If I was, I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't pass through my head that I could pull

[1:18:37] it off if I really tried.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:38] And I was saying that you, Elliot Kalen, would presumably already know that your boyfriend

[1:18:43] was gay.

[1:18:43] If I have a boyfriend, yes.

[1:18:45] Yeah.

[1:18:45] It would be, I would be very shocked.

[1:18:46] That would be the first.

Alonso Duralde

[1:18:47] Elliot, hear me out.

[1:18:49] The gold lame, you know, peacock feather ensemble, but we add a Carmen Miranda fruity headdress.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:57] Oh.

[1:18:57] I mean, the only thing that I don't like about that is I hate fruit, don't want to be near

[1:19:00] it, don't like to eat it, don't like to touch it or smell it.

[1:19:03] But otherwise, I think it'd be great.

[1:19:04] I think it's a great look.

[1:19:05] Yeah.

[1:19:05] What if it's wax?

[1:19:07] Okay, yes.

[1:19:07] Then 100,000% yes.

[1:19:09] But I was going to say-

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:10] How about instead of that, it's like ham and chicken, fried chicken.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:13] If it was a Carmen Miranda headdress of just Popeye's fried chicken, then yes.

[1:19:18] The only problem is I'm going to keep trying to eat it while I'm dancing, and also the hot

[1:19:21] grease that's flowing down my head, which would be very distracting.

Alonso Duralde

[1:19:24] Although I'm now thinking about a Carmen Miranda headdress with the centerpiece is the

[1:19:28] Colonel's bucket, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:30] And I think that could really work.

[1:19:31] It's kind of off angle just slightly.

[1:19:33] Yeah.

[1:19:33] That's a solid mainstay.

[1:19:34] That's a saucy kilter, you know?

[1:19:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:36] That's a solid mainstage look on an episode of Drag Race.

[1:19:40] Yeah.

[1:19:40] Category is franchise restaurants.

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:44] I'm presenting herbs and spices realness with this one.

[1:19:48] Oh, look at Elliot.

[1:19:49] Sexy Wendy's.

[1:19:51] Yeah.

[1:19:51] I was going to say earlier, my wife is so good at recognizing that I am annoyed at her before

[1:19:56] it even occurs to me that I'm annoyed at her about something.

[1:19:59] That the idea that Vivica Fox does not know her boyfriend might be gay is, she's just,

[1:20:04] they don't have a great relationship.

[1:20:05] I guess that's really what it is.

[1:20:06] They don't listen.

[1:20:06] Yeah.

[1:20:06] I mean, I feel like we, it's pretty clear.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:09] Well, anyway, he yells a lot about how he's not gay and how he pretended just to be with

[1:20:14] this girl.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:15] Classic joke, setting up the greatest joke in movies, right?

[1:20:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:17] He does a literal, she's right behind me, isn't she?

[1:20:20] And at that point, I throw my television out the window.

[1:20:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:24] CTV style.

[1:20:25] I pluck my eyes out, build them into a meat grinder, puncture my ear drums with knitting

[1:20:31] needles.

[1:20:32] Yeah.

[1:20:32] And I have blessed peace.

[1:20:35] What a terrible, what a terrible, what a terrible, like, oh man.

[1:20:39] In 2002.

[1:20:41] Yeah.

[1:20:41] In 2002, they're doing that joke.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:43] And Felicia's like, well, it seems like we both had our fling.

[1:20:47] I'm willing to overlook yours if you'll overlook mine and we can get married.

[1:20:50] And there's a genuinely surprising smash cut to some wedding photos being taken of the two

[1:20:55] of them.

[1:20:56] It turns out they are not married just yet.

[1:20:57] These are, you know, pre-wedding photos.

[1:21:00] Yeah.

[1:21:01] Well, there's, you know, there's both times.

[1:21:03] Yeah.

[1:21:04] You say it as if it's obvious.

[1:21:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:06] People often take photos before the ceremony.

[1:21:09] Yeah.

[1:21:09] Mm-hmm.

[1:21:10] Yeah.

[1:21:10] And after, though, I'm saying.

Alonso Duralde

[1:21:12] And before.

[1:21:13] Afterwards, anarchy breaks out.

[1:21:14] Oh, God.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:16] Anyway, point is, they're not married yet.

[1:21:18] We meet Felicia's father.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:20] After the wedding, the dress is too covered in chicken blood from the end of the ceremony.

[1:21:24] So they can't, yeah.

[1:21:25] Felicia's father is.

[1:21:27] I don't even know what stereotype I'm leaning into.

[1:21:29] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:31] But I just want to get out the sentence.

[1:21:34] Felicia's father is played by Richard Roundtree.

[1:21:37] Totally wasted in this role.

[1:21:39] He does almost nothing.

[1:21:40] He's barely in the movie.

Alonso Duralde

[1:21:41] And I want to point out that Richard Roundtree played one of the, played a gay character on

[1:21:47] the short-lived TV show Rock, ROC.

[1:21:51] Which was a very big deal at the time.

[1:21:53] I mean, it was a one-episode thing, but it was like, ooh, Shaft is playing a gay guy.

[1:21:57] Like, he was one of the first sort of traditionally, like, you know, famous for playing a big macho

[1:22:03] character, character actors to then be like, and yes, I'm now playing a gay guy on this

[1:22:08] TV show.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:09] Yeah.

[1:22:10] And he's like, I got my eye on you, which doesn't, it seems like it might pay off, but

[1:22:13] it doesn't.

[1:22:13] We'll get there.

[1:22:14] It doesn't at all.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:14] And also the fact that he is best known as Shaft.

[1:22:16] And this is a movie that should be full of dick jokes also.

[1:22:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:21] Interesting.

[1:22:23] Shaft and balls, they're cops.

[1:22:25] See, that sounded sarcastic.

[1:22:27] Linda Holmes, that sounded sarcastic, but I did like that joke.

[1:22:31] During the wedding, the officiant, played by Thomas Lennon, is distracted by his wife running

[1:22:36] off with someone else, which briefly confused me because he has a clerical collar, which I

[1:22:40] associate with Catholicism, but apparently Anglethans, Methodists, Presbyterians, Lutherans, not

[1:22:45] all ministers.

[1:22:46] No, let's get in the weeds on this one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:47] But they can, but they often do wear clerical.

[1:22:49] I mean, Reverend Lovejoy on The Simpsons wears a clerical collar and he's married.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:52] Yeah, but.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:54] He's a cartoon, Elliot.

[1:22:55] I mean.

[1:22:55] You're right.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:56] I forgot that.

[1:22:56] I forgot the Pope said that cartoon priests can get married.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:59] I do believe that Protestantism is something that I know a little bit more about.

[1:23:03] And that is like, this is not actually common unless you are relatively close to.

Alonso Duralde

[1:23:08] Well, maybe for big showy events like weddings, you know, they pull out all the stops.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:13] And Thomas Lennon looks like a baby.

[1:23:15] He looks so young in this.

[1:23:16] Yes.

[1:23:17] And it's a very, and it feels like a very unnecessary go-to joke to have the person officiating it

[1:23:23] also like mad at his wife or mad at some person in his past that he can't stop bringing up.

[1:23:28] That was a very of the time joke.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:30] So they get to the part about are there any objections and the poker buddies from the cruise and Horatio Sands all look cagey until Sands finally speaks up and he says, Jerry needs to be the person he really loves.

[1:23:44] And that's me.

[1:23:45] And he kisses him to cover for saying that he knows where Gabriela is.

[1:23:50] I guess this is to show that he's overcome his homophobia, but it seems like an unnecessary distraction.

[1:23:57] He'd just be like, let's go.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23:59] Especially since he runs off with Jerry.

[1:24:00] It's not like that.

[1:24:01] Like he could only, he'd just say, no, you should be with Gabriela and I know where she is.

[1:24:04] Let's go.

[1:24:05] Unless he thinks he needs to shock Jerry out of this marriage stupor.

[1:24:09] Could be.

[1:24:10] They're also high.

Alonso Duralde

[1:24:12] And we're also setting up the remainder of the film in which gay people are useful as long as they're there to assist straight people in their agenda.

[1:24:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:23] This is a point where they're like, also, let's run away from the scary dad.

[1:24:26] The dad does not chase them.

[1:24:29] You know, there's no payoff for that.

[1:24:31] They run outside.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24:32] I wonder if they hired Richard Roundtree, they cast him, and they were like,

[1:24:35] and now there's the scene where you're chasing after them, and then you fall into a cake, and he's like, not happening.

Alonso Duralde

[1:24:39] You slip on a giant turd.

[1:24:42] The bride's dad in Arthur is more, is scarier than this guy.

Dan McCoy

[1:24:48] So they run outside.

[1:24:50] Hector's fire truck is waiting to speed them away to a prop plane where Roger Moore makes a big speech about his military service.

[1:24:57] You know, proving, I guess, that gay people are valuable because they can also be butch.

[1:25:03] I don't know.

Alonso Duralde

[1:25:04] He's actually playing folks in this movie, which no one knows.

[1:25:07] But that's a Roger Moore deep cut for anybody who wanted that one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25:11] There's one moment in this where they're in the fire truck, and the siren is going, and then we see that a police officer has also stopped traffic, I guess, that they can go faster.

[1:25:19] And Hector, like, arranged with him, and he's, I guess, also a gay police officer.

[1:25:22] And there's a brief moment of, like, if this movie, there's a, I could see this movie turning into, like, an invasion of the body snatchers type thing.

[1:25:31] Where T. Boone Jr. and Horatio's answer are just learning how many people around them are gay in positions of authority and power.

[1:25:36] And they're like, what?

[1:25:37] Oh, what?

[1:25:38] Yeah, yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[1:25:39] There is an organization for gay cops and firemen called Guns and Hoses.

[1:25:43] Thank you.

[1:25:43] I'm not making that up.

[1:25:44] It's a real thing.

[1:25:44] That's amazing.

Dan McCoy

[1:25:45] What a great name.

[1:25:48] So they parachute onto the new cruise where Gabrielle is working, which, of course, by the rules of screenwriting symmetry is a lesbian cruise.

[1:25:58] They drop into the pool.

[1:26:01] Again, symmetry.

[1:26:03] He declares his love.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:05] Dan, it's called good writing.

[1:26:06] Someone read Sid Fiel.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:07] It's great fucking writing, man.

[1:26:09] They saved the cat, man.

[1:26:10] That cat was saved.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:13] Dan, answer me.

[1:26:14] Is the cat saved or is it not saved?

[1:26:15] I don't recall a cat.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:17] We did see a movie about a cat on a boat, but it was like a mutant cat.

[1:26:20] Yeah, that cat did not get saved.

[1:26:21] Did they save that cat?

Alonso Duralde

[1:26:22] Oh, I've seen that one.

[1:26:23] But look, the dog is saved and wearing an adorable tuxedo.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:26] Yeah.

[1:26:27] Love it.

[1:26:29] Yeah.

[1:26:29] So she's like, you lied your way into my bed, but because this is a terrible movie with bad attitude, she forgives him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:36] He does kiss her before she can finish talking.

Dan McCoy

[1:26:39] So he wins.

[1:26:40] Roger Moore and the lesbians understandably shake their heads in dismay.

[1:26:44] All of this.

[1:26:45] Last scene in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26:46] We're always chasing the numbers, you know.

[1:26:49] Yeah.

[1:26:50] They're like, I don't get it.

[1:26:52] And they're like, I mean, it just, I don't even understand the joke because it's like the idea that like, I don't get what hetero people see in each other.

[1:26:59] It's like, it's just human attraction.

[1:27:00] Like, it's not.

Alonso Duralde

[1:27:01] We haven't all grown up surrounded by them or anything.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:04] I mean.

[1:27:04] I don't get it.

[1:27:06] The mainstream monoculture that I've had to swim in my entire life.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:11] I choose to read it as a specific reaction to these two idiots.

[1:27:15] Oh, okay.

[1:27:15] Well, that's fair.

[1:27:16] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:17] I think the audience shares that then.

[1:27:19] But then I don't, then it's inconsistent with Roger Moore who has done everything he can to help this happen.

[1:27:23] And is like, I don't get it.

[1:27:24] Seems like it's doomed to me.

Stuart Wellington

[1:27:25] Now when he gazes upon the results of his work, he's despondous.

[1:27:30] Yeah, he's like Oppenheimer.

[1:27:30] What have I done?

[1:27:32] I've become.

[1:27:32] Yeah, it's a lot like Oppenheimer.

[1:27:34] Look upon my works in despair.

[1:27:36] Yeah, when he's surrounded by all the cheering people at the wedding and he's like, oh my God, are they monsters?

[1:27:41] What's happening?

Dan McCoy

[1:27:42] Exactly.

[1:27:43] Yeah.

[1:27:45] Horatio Sands.

[1:27:46] Remember him?

[1:27:47] He's scaling a snowy mountain yelling, Inga, Inga.

[1:27:50] He's taken in to buy her family into this cottage only to learn that she is.

Elliott Kalan

[1:27:57] They live in an alpine cottage that seems to be from another century.

Dan McCoy

[1:27:59] Yeah.

[1:28:00] And on the very peak of a mountain.

[1:28:03] Like the end of Lost Horizon.

[1:28:05] Yeah.

[1:28:06] He learns that he has missed Inga.

[1:28:08] She's in Italy right now.

[1:28:09] But not to worry.

[1:28:10] Her equally hot younger sister is there.

[1:28:12] But uh-oh.

[1:28:13] So is Lin Shay.

[1:28:15] Credits.

[1:28:15] Man.

[1:28:16] Credits to the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28:17] You know, I always love it when a movie sets up a sequel perfectly.

[1:28:20] So we have what?

[1:28:22] We have what?

[1:28:22] Ski Trip?

[1:28:23] Is Ski Trip going to be the sequel?

[1:28:25] Sure.

[1:28:26] Yeah, that's a regular trip.

Alonso Duralde

[1:28:27] The closing credits are Comic Sans, which is perfect.

[1:28:30] Because A, it's the laziest font on Magible.

[1:28:32] And B, it's Horatio Sands.

[1:28:34] Oh.

[1:28:35] I wish the movie was Sans Sans.

[1:28:38] Whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28:40] Yeah.

[1:28:41] Not very Comic Sans.

[1:28:44] So.

[1:28:46] I will go on record as saying that the only time I've ever laughed at Horatio Sands was one time when I was in the audience of a UCB screening of a UCB movie in the old, old UCB theater.

[1:28:56] And Horatio Sands, trying to sneak into a seat since the lights had gone down, stepped on a soda can really loudly and went, oh shit.

[1:29:03] And that's the only time I've ever laughed at anything he's ever done.

Dan McCoy

[1:29:07] Well, since we're getting into judgments, let's do our final judgments about whether this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie you kind of like.

[1:29:17] I want to read a couple of quotes from the Wikipedia page.

[1:29:22] Dan, brought receipts.

[1:29:23] For boat trips.

[1:29:23] It's from Roger Ebert who wrote, this is a movie made for nobody about nothing.

[1:29:30] And Wikipedia also says, quote, many viewed the film as homophobic, although a reviewer for The Advocate wrote that the film was too terrible to protest.

[1:29:42] So, I guess, you know.

Alonso Duralde

[1:29:44] And who was that reviewer for The Advocate?

[1:29:45] I don't know if I was that reviewer, but I was definitely the editor of that reviewer because I was working at The Advocate at that time.

[1:29:53] But I went to see this movie at a press screening.

[1:29:56] It was me and another critic who is now retired but also gay.

[1:30:00] He spent the entire film groaning through the movie and then gave it kind of a positive review.

[1:30:04] I don't know why.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30:05] It was groaning in pleasure through the movie, yeah.

[1:30:07] Perhaps, yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[1:30:08] Thankfully, there was no porthole in that screening room.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:11] My final judgment is this is an awful, awful movie.

[1:30:15] Most of the time we watch these movies sort of vaguely hoping, you know, maybe we'll find something that we actually sort of enjoyed.

[1:30:22] Or at least something that can be enjoyed, ironically, if not normally.

[1:30:29] I don't know what normally is.

[1:30:31] For its own merits, I guess.

[1:30:33] But in this case, I just want to take revenge on this movie.

[1:30:38] Like, I had to, you know, obviously I did the summary.

[1:30:42] I had to take notes on it.

[1:30:43] It was such slow going.

[1:30:45] And I kept looking at the time and being like, how is it possible?

[1:30:48] Like, it was just 30 minutes.

[1:30:50] I'm just 30 minutes in.

Stuart Wellington

[1:30:52] Now I'm just 31 minutes in.

[1:30:53] It seems like an hour has passed.

Dan McCoy

[1:30:55] Yeah.

[1:30:55] So that's my feelings on Boat Trip.

[1:30:58] What do you think, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[1:31:00] Yeah.

[1:31:00] So another rave from Dan.

[1:31:03] Let's see.

[1:31:03] No, this is terrible.

[1:31:05] I wouldn't watch it.

[1:31:06] Don't watch it.

[1:31:07] Don't seek it out.

[1:31:09] It's cursed.

[1:31:09] It'll make you feel worse about everything.

[1:31:12] Don't do it.

[1:31:12] It's bad.

[1:31:13] Bad, bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:31:14] Elliot, we'll leave Alonzo the last word.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31:16] Yeah.

[1:31:17] I mean, it's hard for me not to go along and just say it's, yeah, it's the worst movie.

[1:31:22] Everything about it is super dispiriting.

[1:31:25] I mean, the only thing that makes this not the worst movie I've ever seen is that there's no on-camera animal mutilation or anything like that.

[1:31:33] Like, it's not a Campbell Holocaust movie.

[1:31:36] Nobody died in the making of it, as far as I know.

[1:31:39] So those are the two wins in the victory column for Boat Trip.

[1:31:43] There are parameters, you know.

[1:31:44] Yeah.

[1:31:45] I will say that the Cuba Gooding Jr.'s character is named Jerry Robinson, and I feel like this is the least accurate portrayal of the co-creator of the Joker, Jerry Robinson, that you can imagine.

[1:31:56] Oh, yeah.

[1:31:57] But yeah, it's a very bad movie.

[1:31:58] Don't – it's not – I know there are people who watch every movie that we do on the show.

[1:32:02] There's one fan who collects copies of all the movies that we've done on this podcast.

[1:32:06] Please don't.

[1:32:07] This one, just leave.

[1:32:08] Leave it in the – at the Island of Misfit movies.

[1:32:10] Don't include it in your house.

[1:32:12] Alonzo, disagree with me.

[1:32:13] I dare you.

[1:32:14] Yes.

[1:32:14] Are you with me?

Alonso Duralde

[1:32:15] I'm here to fight you all.

[1:32:16] No.

[1:32:16] Yeah, this is, of course, a bad, bad movie.

[1:32:18] But what I think is so fascinating about it is where it occurs in the culture, you know, in the history of everything.

[1:32:25] Because, you know, the rating system ends in the 60s.

[1:32:29] And so suddenly now you can have queer characters in movies and queer themes.

[1:32:33] And that usually meant that we got, like, embarrassing, offensive or violent or monstrous characters because most people making movies at the time were still, you know, cishet, straight white men.

[1:32:43] And so now we get to the 90s and you've got, like, you know, the decade kicks off with Poison and Paris is Burning, both winning the Grand Shuri Prize at Sundance.

[1:32:52] That's followed by this whole wave, the new queer cinema.

[1:32:55] Gus Van Zandt, Greg Araki, Cheryl Dunye, you know, Rose Troche.

[1:32:58] All these filmmakers making really fascinating and insightful films and very specifically and unapologetically queer.

[1:33:05] And then that leads to these sort of crossover movies where it's like, hey, you know, there are queer people who are starving to see movies.

[1:33:11] There's also cool, like, art house straight people who will come see them as well.

[1:33:14] So we'll make charming rom-coms like, you know, Jeffrey and Trick or whatnot.

[1:33:18] And so after that decade to then think.

[1:33:21] Or like the Day Trippers or something.

[1:33:23] Yes, exactly.

[1:33:24] Like after that decade to think, you know what people really want to see?

[1:33:28] This wacky bullshit about two straight guys on a wah-wah gay cruise.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33:33] Oh, no.

[1:33:35] And it just feels so displaced.

[1:33:37] I feel like you're pitching the movie right now, Alonzo.

[1:33:39] That's the thing.

[1:33:40] Sound effects make me like it.

[1:33:42] I don't know.

Alonso Duralde

[1:33:42] Yeah, well, I've got my orgasm soundboard.

[1:33:45] It feels so displaced in time that I just, I mean, I had not seen this since that press screening.

[1:33:52] And I will probably never see it again.

[1:33:54] God willing.

[1:33:54] But it was just this fascinating moment of like, y'all, like, some movies you look back and you think, oh, well, that was the time.

[1:34:02] That's what people thought you could get away with.

[1:34:03] No, we were well past this by the time this movie came out.

[1:34:08] And this was just a handful of straight people being like, nope, nope, we're going to be here.

[1:34:13] We are determined to still tell this story and make these jokes.

[1:34:19] Damn the rest of the world and whatever progress might have been made.

[1:34:22] So it's just astonishingly unstuck in time.

[1:34:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:30] That's it.

[1:34:30] And it still came out four years before I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry.

Alonso Duralde

[1:34:34] True.

[1:34:35] But that movie, you know, I don't know if you know the whole history there, but like that started out as an Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor joint.

[1:34:42] And their screenplay was actually pretty smart and, you know, insightful.

[1:34:46] And then, of course, it goes through the Adam Sandler sausage factory and becomes the movie that it is.

[1:34:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34:52] It really is a sausage factory.

[1:34:54] Mm.

S5

[1:34:59] I'm Sequoia Holmes, pop culturist and host of the Black People Love Paramore podcast.

[1:35:04] Contrary to the title, it is not a podcast about the band Paramore.

[1:35:09] Each episode, I, along with a special guest co-host, dissect one pop culture topic that mainstream media doesn't associate with Black people, but we know that we like.

[1:35:18] Tune in every Thursday to the podcast that's dedicated to helping Black people feel more seen here on Maximum Fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:26] I'm Yucky Jessica.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:28] I'm Chuck Crudsworth.

[1:35:29] And this is Terrible.

[1:35:32] A podcast where we talk about things we hate that are awful.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:35] Today, we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35:40] Host Rachel and Griffin McElroy, a real-life married couple.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:45] Yuck.

[1:35:45] We discuss a wide range of topics.

Alonso Duralde

[1:35:48] Music, video games, poetry, snacks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:35:51] But I hate all that stuff.

[1:35:53] I know you do, Yucky Jessica.

S5

[1:35:55] It comes out every Wednesday, the worst day of the week, wherever you download your podcasts.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36:00] For our next topic, we're talking Fiona, the baby hippo from the Cincinnati Zoo.

Alonso Duralde

[1:36:06] I hate this little hippo.

Dan McCoy

[1:36:08] The Flophouse is sponsored in part by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform for entrepreneurs to stand out and succeed online.

[1:36:17] I probably mostly said that correctly.

[1:36:21] Whether you're just starting out or whether you're managing a growing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time, all in one place, all on your terms.

[1:36:40] Terms?

[1:36:41] Terms.

[1:36:41] All on your terms.

[1:36:42] Don't let someone else set the terms that you're going to sell your time or engage with your audience.

[1:36:50] You've got to set those terms, buddy.

[1:36:53] I'm sorry for calling you buddy.

[1:36:54] We don't really know one another that well.

[1:36:57] Personalize your website with the Squarespace Blueprint, which is their new guided design system.

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[1:37:18] Accept credit cards, PayPal, and Apple Pay.

[1:37:21] And in eligible countries, you can let customers buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay.

[1:37:27] Sell products and services with an online store?

[1:37:30] Well, buddy, I did it again.

[1:37:33] Whether it's physical goods, digital content, or services, Squarespace has the tools to start selling online.

[1:37:41] So why not go to squarespace.com for a free trial?

[1:37:44] And when you are ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[1:37:55] And we also have a j-j-j-j-j-jumbotron.

[1:37:59] This is from Daniel Pecorero Historical Tours.

[1:38:03] Since 2021, Daniel Pecorero has shown New Yorkers and tourists alike the past, present, and possible futures of various neighborhoods across New York.

[1:38:14] From Gowanus to Greenwood to Greenwich Village, Daniel's tours are perfect for lifelong New Yorkers, recent arrivals, or visitors who just want to go deep.

[1:38:26] Flophouse listeners may particularly enjoy the lost theaters of Bay Ridge, highlighting the many former movie houses in this southwest Brooklyn neighborhood.

[1:38:35] That does sound very interesting.

[1:38:38] I am sad that Elliot Kalin is not here while I'm recording this ad copy.

[1:38:45] I had to do a little after the fact, a little secret for you, because I think he in particular would be interested in the lost theaters of Bay Ridge.

[1:38:54] So, anyway, if you're interested in this, why not visit www.history.works to learn more and register and use code FLOP for half off any upcoming tour.

[1:39:07] And speaking of FLOP, oh, the FLOP house, that's our podcast.

[1:39:10] Hello, how are you doing?

[1:39:12] We are doing a live show in Boston, Massachusetts?

[1:39:18] There's a Boston, Massachusetts now?

[1:39:21] Yeah, and we're doing a show at WBUR City Space that is associated with the radio station, WBUR.

[1:39:30] It's their performance space.

[1:39:32] It is beautiful.

[1:39:32] We have done stuff there before.

[1:39:34] It is on July the 26th of this year, 2024.

[1:39:40] And it's at 7 p.m.

[1:39:43] If you want tickets to that, you can go to flophousepodcast.com slash events and pick up your ticket to see us live in Boston.

[1:39:52] We haven't decided exactly what we're going to do.

[1:39:55] We're either going to do some sort of iconic bad Boston movie or we are going to do one of the summer's big flops, I think, is where we're trending.

[1:40:07] And look, no matter what we do, it's going to be a fun show.

[1:40:11] We're going to do our regular presentations.

[1:40:15] Last time we were in Boston, Stuart did a presentation about cars that almost killed me from laughing.

[1:40:20] So it's always fun to do a show in Boston.

[1:40:24] So come check us out again at WBUR City Space, the 26th of July at 7 p.m.

[1:40:30] You can get tickets at flophousepodcast.com slash events.

[1:40:39] Let's do letters from listeners.

[1:40:44] And you know what?

[1:40:47] I picked, I unwisely, on a day when there was so much meat on this boat trip bone, picked a second letter that's very long.

[1:40:57] So I'm not going to do that one.

[1:40:58] I'm just going to keep it to one this time, break with format.

[1:41:01] This one's from Nathan, last name withheld.

[1:41:04] You have a singular letter, Nathan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41:06] Or Mort Nathan.

[1:41:07] Mort Nathan.

[1:41:08] Nathan comma Mort.

[1:41:09] Let me explain about my movie, Boat Trip.

[1:41:12] I was going through a rough time.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:16] Nathan writes,

[1:41:18] For the last six months, I've been slowly re-watching the James Bond series.

[1:41:22] I've just re-watched the two Timothy Dalton films, and I find that for the last five days, I've had License to Kill by Gladys Knight and the Pips lodged in my forebrain.

[1:41:32] Since that movie was one of my first Bonds, I have a fondness for the song.

[1:41:36] However ridiculous, stalkerish, and overwrought it may be.

[1:41:39] It's a Bond song, after all.

[1:41:41] Got me wondering, what are your favorite songs from a movie and your least favorite songs from a movie?

[1:41:47] Doesn't have to be Bond song.

[1:41:48] Dudes, calm down.

[1:41:49] Caveats.

[1:41:50] Sorry, Dan.

[1:41:51] Nothing from Stop Making Sense.

[1:41:53] Wow.

[1:41:54] Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[1:41:54] Sorry.

[1:41:55] You may not pick Dawkins' Dream Warriors from A Nightmare on Elm Street 3.

[1:41:59] Sorry, Elliot.

[1:42:00] No fiddler on the roof.

[1:42:02] So that's from Nathan, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42:06] Just the kind of torturous experiment Nathan Fielder would specialize in.

Stuart Wellington

[1:42:11] So are we talking about a song that was written for a movie?

[1:42:15] A song that is in the movie?

[1:42:17] I would say a song that was specifically written for the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:42:22] And because it was that, I did a little looking around.

[1:42:27] I have multiple runners up, which I can maybe mention after we all go around the horn.

[1:42:34] But I went with, I'm going to go back there someday from the Muppet movie, the song that Gonzo sings.

[1:42:39] Great song.

[1:42:40] The very wistful song out in the desert.

[1:42:43] And worst, probably something written originally for the movie, Dear Evan Hansen.

[1:42:51] Did not like that.

[1:42:52] Got him.

[1:42:53] Did not like that movie?

[1:42:54] Did not research what songs were original to the film?

[1:42:56] There's one new song and I forget what it's called.

[1:43:00] Elliot, I want to toss to you with a reminder that there's a little movie called Cocktail that had a song specifically written for it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:07] It was very much, that's exactly the movie that was my least favorite.

[1:43:10] I'll start with that.

[1:43:11] Then my least favorite song of all time, of course, also happens to be a song written for a movie that is Kokomo by the Beach Boys.

[1:43:18] It was written for the movie Cocktail.

[1:43:20] Hate it.

[1:43:20] Hate everything about it.

[1:43:21] Hate what it stands for.

[1:43:22] Hate the sound of it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:43:23] I feel like it's like one degree separated from a Red Hot Chili Peppers song.

[1:43:29] Kokomo?

[1:43:29] Yeah, I feel like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, if they were singing about like the Caribbean instead of California, they would write a Kokomo.

Dan McCoy

[1:43:35] I mean, if the instrumentation was different, yes.

[1:43:38] Maybe a little.

[1:43:40] I don't know if there's like as many steel drums in Red Hot Chili Peppers.

[1:43:44] That's fair.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43:44] I feel like they would do it.

[1:43:46] I feel like there's an undercurrent in the Red Hot Chili Peppers songs of I'm singing about this, but I'm also a drug addict.

[1:43:51] So there's a little bit more depth.

[1:43:53] Whereas Kokomo, it's I'm singing about this and I'm a middle-aged man or older hitting on a young woman lying about a made-up beach island.

[1:44:00] I'm telling her I'm going to take her to.

[1:44:02] And I, everything I don't like about it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44:04] Yeah, Anthony Kiedis and his like 17-year-old girlfriend, he doesn't know anything about a middle-aged guy hitting on these age girls.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44:10] I mean, I don't know their personal lives.

[1:44:12] I will say the one thing I like about Kokomo is that I figured out I can do the lyrics pretty closely to Strawberry Fields Forever.

[1:44:20] And that's been fun to do, to annoy my children with.

[1:44:23] And of course, my most favorite music that was written for a movie is probably the Wizard of Oz soundtrack songs.

[1:44:30] Like I love those songs.

[1:44:31] I find myself singing them a lot.

[1:44:33] I think they are – that movie in particular we mentioned earlier, it breaks Roger Ebert's hot air balloon rule because it's such an amazing movie in so many different ways.

[1:44:42] And the – I think the music is so great and considering like – it's not like they put extra time into the songs for that movie more than they would have for any other movie.

[1:44:54] You know, that was a – in a lot of ways that was – it was a big production.

[1:44:57] But like the – I don't know.

[1:44:59] It's just one of the – it feels like it's like a lightning in the bottle type of songs for a movie.

[1:45:03] And even the song they cut out, the Jitterbug, is still a really fun song and a song I really like a lot.

[1:45:08] So even the deleted song from Wizard of Oz is a great song.

[1:45:12] And Kokomo should have been a deleted song from the Human Musical Catalog.

Dan McCoy

[1:45:16] Stuart, do you have anything or should we come back around?

Stuart Wellington

[1:45:19] No.

[1:45:19] I mean I think I definitely have favorites which is anything by Wang Chung.

[1:45:25] So like To Live and Die in L.A.

[1:45:27] Or what?

[1:45:29] Fire in the Twilight from the Breakfast Club soundtrack.

[1:45:33] Both bangers.

[1:45:35] Songs I don't like.

[1:45:37] I mean you don't have to.

[1:45:38] If you don't have to.

[1:45:39] That's a little harder to think of.

[1:45:40] I'm not a hater.

[1:45:42] I'm a lover.

Alonso Duralde

[1:45:44] Least favorite, I'm going to go with I Just Called to Say I Love You from The Woman in Red.

[1:45:50] Which everything Jack Black says about it in High Fidelity is true.

[1:45:54] Stevie Wonder is so great but that song is so not great.

[1:45:58] You know, so many choices here.

[1:46:01] Like I love all the songs from Until the End of the World.

[1:46:06] You know, Cole Porter wrote a lot of great songs for movies including True Love from High Society.

[1:46:12] I'm going to go with a song called I Like Life from the musical Scrooge by Leslie Brickus.

[1:46:21] Performed by Albert Finney and I'm forgetting the guy who plays the Ghost of Christmas Present.

[1:46:27] Kenneth Moore.

[1:46:28] Thank you, Dave.

[1:46:29] But yeah, it's a song that I like a lot and have added to the repertoire.

[1:46:34] And I'm also going to say my favorite song from the James Bond film License to Kill is actually Patti LaBelle's If You Asked Me To, which is the closing credits song.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:42] Do you guys have another favorite James Bond song?

[1:46:47] Like a theme song, opening song?

Elliott Kalan

[1:46:48] I mean, I love You Only Live Twice.

[1:46:51] I think that's a great song.

[1:46:53] Due to a Kill.

[1:46:53] Due to a Kill, baby.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46:55] Duran Duran.

[1:46:56] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:46:56] I got, just because I did the research.

[1:47:01] I'm going to give a few runners up really quickly.

[1:47:04] Call Me by Blondie from American Gigolo.

[1:47:07] Cheek to Cheek by Irving Berlin for Top Hat.

[1:47:10] The Goonies Are Good Enough from the film The Goonies, Cindy Lauper.

[1:47:15] A song so good it needed two videos.

[1:47:18] Cat People, Putting Out Fires of the Gasoline by David Bowie.

[1:47:22] And one could argue the entire album Purple Rain would count.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47:27] How about Scotty Doesn't Know from Eurotrip?

[1:47:31] Does that count?

Alonso Duralde

[1:47:31] Very fun song, actually.

[1:47:33] And the Parade album, which came from Under the Cherry Moon.

[1:47:37] Yeah.

[1:47:37] And Bananarama's The Wildlife.

[1:47:40] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:47:41] Uh, let us now close out with enough hating.

[1:47:47] Let's, uh, let's say a movie.

[1:47:49] Oh, wait.

[1:47:49] Let's celebrate.

[1:47:49] I want to mention one more song, actually.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47:51] Yeah.

[1:47:51] Wait.

[1:47:51] I wish I had thought of Call Me, because you're right.

[1:47:53] That's a great one.

[1:47:54] But also, uh, Remember My Forgotten Man from Gold Diggers of 1933.

[1:47:57] Is a gorgeous song.

[1:47:59] And it's, uh, it's the, it's a, the, un,

[1:48:02] not one you expect when you're watching that movie,

[1:48:04] unless you know that that sequence is in the movie already.

[1:48:06] Right.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:07] Um, let's talk about, uh, movies that we saw and enjoyed that we would recommend.

[1:48:15] Um, I'm gonna quickly, in passing, say that on our last night in Oxford,

[1:48:19] uh, you know, there wasn't a ton to do.

[1:48:22] We were tired.

[1:48:23] We went to the movies.

[1:48:24] And, uh, we saw The Fall Guy.

[1:48:26] And I, you know, joined the chorus of people being like,

[1:48:29] why did this not do, I mean, it's holding on pretty well.

[1:48:32] It's got good legs.

[1:48:32] But I'm like, this is such a fun movie.

[1:48:35] It's the sort of movie people claim they want to see.

[1:48:37] And then it doesn't get, uh, a lot of people turning out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:40] I read an interesting theory that that movie,

[1:48:42] part of its issue is more that the movie was more expensive than it should have been.

[1:48:46] That that's a movie that is not actually doing that badly in the theaters,

[1:48:49] but it is not, the cost of it is so high.

[1:48:52] So much higher than maybe it needs to be.

[1:48:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48:52] Recouping.

Dan McCoy

[1:48:53] Yeah.

[1:48:54] Uh, but the movie I actually want to highlight is, um,

[1:48:58] Audrey had never actually seen Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion.

[1:49:01] So, uh, we watched it recently and it was, uh, delightful to revisit it

[1:49:07] and delightful to watch her watching it for the first time

[1:49:10] because she had sort of, I think, in her mind,

[1:49:12] imagined a much more conventional rom-com

[1:49:15] when the energy of that movie is so silly and weird.

[1:49:19] And I had forgotten also how, like, bizarre the structure of that movie is.

[1:49:24] Like, they don't actually make it to the real, uh, High School Reunion

[1:49:29] until, like, the last half hour of the movie.

[1:49:31] Before that, there's, like, long setup, there's flashbacks,

[1:49:34] there's a fantasy sequence.

[1:49:36] Like, it goes all over the place.

[1:49:38] Road trip, right?

[1:49:39] But, yeah.

[1:49:40] But such a great cast with, uh, Mira Savino and Lisa Kudrow,

[1:49:45] so great in the main roles, but also Janine Garofalo and, uh,

[1:49:50] Alan Cumming.

[1:49:52] And, uh, a very small part for Justin Theroux, uh, in it.

[1:49:57] And, uh, it's, it's just, it's, if you, if you, too, for some reason

[1:50:02] have not seen it, uh, it's a movie that's maybe a little sillier

[1:50:07] than you imagine.

[1:50:08] And it's got a lot of, like, really genuinely funny jokes in it.

[1:50:13] Uh, Stuart, why don't you recommend something?

Stuart Wellington

[1:50:15] I'm gonna recommend a movie that I went to see with Dirty Dan McCoy last night.

[1:50:20] Uh, we went to a screening of In a Violent Nature.

[1:50:23] It is a kind of a, it's a slasher movie.

[1:50:26] Uh, and, uh, it was, uh, produced by friend of the podcast,

[1:50:31] Peter Koplowski.

[1:50:32] Uh, FX, uh, lead was friend of the podcast, Stephen Kostansky.

[1:50:37] Um, and it is a slasher movie that basically just, like,

[1:50:41] the, the Jason Voorhees equivalent, in this case, Johnny,

[1:50:45] uh, wakes up and starts hunting some teens through the woods.

[1:50:49] And it just kind of follows him, like, the camera just follows him.

[1:50:52] And it's kind of like you're watching somebody play, like,

[1:50:55] Red Dead Redemption or something.

[1:50:56] Uh, and it, it's great.

[1:50:59] Uh, it's a very specific thing.

[1:51:01] Um, and it kind of elevate, it's like an elevated slasher,

[1:51:04] but at the same time, it very much understands that it's a slasher.

[1:51:08] And there's kind of, like, an interesting, like,

[1:51:11] classic slasher movie happening in the background.

[1:51:14] Uh, and there's some good gags, and, uh, I liked it a lot.

[1:51:18] Yeah.

[1:51:19] In a Violent Nature.

[1:51:20] Check it out.

[1:51:21] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:51:21] I want to recommend a movie from 1948.

[1:51:25] It is a film Neuer, which means it's kind of like a crime movie.

[1:51:29] And it's a movie called Raw Deal.

[1:51:32] And it's, uh, Anthony Mann directed it.

[1:51:35] Uh, Anthony Mann, who would go on to direct many other great movies,

[1:51:37] and had already directed a bunch of great movies.

[1:51:39] Uh, it stars Dennis O'Keefe and Claire Trevor,

[1:51:41] uh, who you may remember from Stagecoach.

[1:51:44] Uh, and also Key Largo.

[1:51:46] And she does what she does best, which is plays a kind of, like, uh, kind of well, slightly well-meaning, but tawdry kind of, uh, you know, underbelly of society type lady.

[1:51:57] Uh, she helps the, uh, the love of her life escape from prison.

[1:52:02] And along the way, they pick up another woman who was involved in his legal defense.

[1:52:06] And it turns into a kind of not exactly normal love triangle.

[1:52:12] I mean, the love triangle eventually, uh, develops.

[1:52:15] But a lot of it is about the tension between these two women, the tension between him and the two of them,

[1:52:22] the tension between, uh, the world as they're trying to escape and get out of the United States and get down to Panama.

[1:52:27] And as always with film noir movies, uh, the kind of dumb mistakes and short-sighted choices that they make along the way.

[1:52:34] And it's a really good, uh, short, tight, kind of, like, crime, kind of tragic romance.

[1:52:41] Uh, and there's one relationship in it that, uh, feels pretty unbelievable.

[1:52:45] Uh, but otherwise, I really liked it a lot.

[1:52:47] And the cinematography in it is especially gorgeous.

[1:52:50] And it was shot by John Alton, who would later go on to win the Academy Award for, uh, An American in Paris.

[1:52:57] But this is black-and-white cinematography is doing that looks very Greg Torney.

[1:53:00] An American werewolf in Paris?

[1:53:02] Yeah, An American werewolf in Paris, exactly.

[1:53:04] Yeah, the Academy Award winner.

[1:53:05] Yeah, Vincent Minnelli is an American werewolf in Paris.

[1:53:07] It's got that, it's got that Bush song.

[1:53:10] That dancing werewolf, he's really amazing.

[1:53:12] Uh, but, uh, it's a, but it's a fun, uh, kind of, uh, affecting at the end film noir movie that looks great.

[1:53:20] It's called Raw Deal.

[1:53:22] Not the Schwarzenegger one, though.

[1:53:23] Not the Schwarzenegger Raw Deal.

Alonso Duralde

[1:53:25] For a second, I got really excited.

[1:53:27] Yeah.

[1:53:28] Uh, hey, do we know when this episode drops?

Dan McCoy

[1:53:31] Uh, this one, I believe.

[1:53:32] This Saturday should be.

[1:53:33] This Saturday, yeah.

Alonso Duralde

[1:53:34] Oh, sweet.

[1:53:35] Well, I'm gonna recommend a movie that I'm going to be showing on TCM, but that also has a great new Blu-ray.

[1:53:40] And I highly recommend that, even if you see it on cable, if you are a non-cord cutter, and I love you,

[1:53:46] you should also pick up the Blu-ray because it's got a lot of really great extras and commentaries and whatnot.

[1:53:51] It's a documentary called Gay USA that was recently restored from 1977.

[1:53:57] And on one day, they, the various camera crews shot gay pride parades in LA, New York, San Francisco, and a couple of other cities.

[1:54:06] And this year, that year, that year's parades were of historical significance because it was right after the whole Anita Bryant campaign had started where she was trying to roll back gay rights in Florida.

[1:54:19] And so, you know, there's a, there was a lot of, at stake politically that year.

[1:54:23] And so, the doc just really kind of captures the, the energy and the excitement of like, you know, kind of a nascent gay community in this country.

[1:54:31] But at the same time, people understanding that they were very much under fire.

[1:54:35] And it's directed by Arthur Bresson Jr., who's a fascinating figure because he directed sort of, you know, straight up, you know, queer narrative dramas.

[1:54:45] But he also made documentaries and he also made adult titles.

[1:54:48] So, he kind of had, you know, he, he, he covered the waterfront in that sense.

[1:54:53] So, yeah, literally and figuratively.

[1:54:55] Anyway, Gay USA, it's a great documentary.

[1:54:58] And, you know, I'll be on TCM talking about it on the 21st of June and then doing some other stuff on the 28th.

[1:55:04] But also pick up the beautiful Blu-ray from Altered Innocence.

Dan McCoy

[1:55:09] And another thing, of course, people should pick up is your book.

[1:55:12] This is your invite to plug your book.

[1:55:16] Do it now.

[1:55:16] I demand it.

[1:55:18] Plug your book.

Alonso Duralde

[1:55:18] Okay, I'm sure.

[1:55:20] Yes, Hollywood Pride.

[1:55:21] It's out from TCM and Running Press.

[1:55:23] Available wherever books are sold.

[1:55:24] It's also an e-book.

[1:55:25] It's also an audio book read by me if this episode hasn't already turned you off to my voice.

[1:55:31] And it is a history of LGBTQ plus Hollywood both on screen and off.

[1:55:36] So, it's about the movies.

[1:55:37] But it's also about the artists who made it happen over the decades.

[1:55:40] And it goes all the way from about 1895 to everything everywhere all at once.

[1:55:45] Doing as well as I could to cram it all in there.

[1:55:48] So, it came out really beautifully.

[1:55:51] The TCM folks did a great job designing it and finding great stills with it.

[1:55:55] Then I'm told the prose doesn't suck.

[1:55:57] So, yes.

[1:55:58] Pick up Hollywood Pride wherever you buy books.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:00] I'm excited.

[1:56:01] I can't wait to read it.

[1:56:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:03] Thank you so much for being in the trenches with us suffering through this film.

Alonso Duralde

[1:56:10] It would have been a shame if you guys had not eventually gotten to this movie.

[1:56:15] And I think you kind of needed an interpreter.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56:17] So, I'm just happy to have served that role.

[1:56:20] Thank you.

[1:56:20] I appreciate it.

[1:56:20] This was one of those moments where, yeah, I really appreciate it.

[1:56:23] And I know that your job is not to be an educator.

[1:56:26] It's just your job to live your life and not to have to decode parts of the world to other parts of the world.

[1:56:33] But I appreciate especially you putting this in the context of what was going on in mainstream cinema involving queers at this time.

[1:56:41] And just how ridiculously, like, not just bad in general, but like bad for the time.

Alonso Duralde

[1:56:48] Not just terrible, but retrograde, you know.

Dan McCoy

[1:56:53] Well, yes.

[1:56:54] Awful movie, but a great excuse to spend some time with you.

[1:57:00] Thank you for being our guest.

[1:57:02] Thank you to our network, Maximum Fun.

[1:57:04] If you go to MaximumFun.org, there's a lot of great other shows on there.

[1:57:09] Thank you to our producer, Alex Smith.

[1:57:11] He goes by the name Howell Doughty.

[1:57:13] I believe he has a new album out.

[1:57:15] You should check that out.

[1:57:16] You should check it out.

[1:57:17] And I guess that's it.

[1:57:19] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:57:21] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Alonso Duralde

[1:57:23] I've been Ellie Kaelin.

[1:57:25] And I've been special guest Alonzo Duralde.

[1:57:29] Bye.

[1:57:32] Oh, Dan's doing the summary.

Stuart Wellington

[1:57:40] I feel bad for Dan.

[1:57:42] Yeah.

[1:57:43] We're a movie that...

Dan McCoy

[1:57:44] This is going to be a rough one.

[1:57:46] Light on plot.

[1:57:47] It was kind of hard for me to...

[1:57:49] Rich with incident.

[1:57:50] There's a lot of stuff in it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:57:52] Yeah, I think you can skip a lot of that, though.

Dan McCoy

[1:57:55] I'll do my best on the fly to...

[1:57:59] We'll see.

[1:58:00] ...brim down some of this.

[1:58:01] Sure, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58:01] Cut it down.

[1:58:02] The first four-hour episode of the Flophouse.

[1:58:05] And it's about Boatrip.

Alonso Duralde

[1:58:08] Ding in.

[1:58:08] Boatrip Alexanderplatz.

[1:58:13] Maximum Fun.

[1:58:14] A worker-owned network.

S5

[1:58:16] Of artists-owned shows.

[1:58:17] Supported.

[1:58:18] Directly.

[1:58:19] By you.

Ep.#426 - Boat Trip, with Alonso Duralde

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