FH Mini 105 - The Flop House Bar & Grill

[0:00] Hey! Yeah, that's me, Stuart Wellington from the Flophouse Podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[0:08] And this is an episode of the Flophouse Podcast.

[0:10] And I am one of the hosts of the Flophouse Podcast.

[0:13] And this is one of the Flophouse mini episodes.

[0:16] That's where we normally watch a bad movie and talk about it.

[0:18] But on one of these minis, we're going to be doing something a little bit different.

[0:21] As always, I am joined by my two regular co-hosts, Dan McCoy.

[0:24] Say hello, Dan.

[0:25] Hello, Dan.

[0:26] And my other co-host, Elliot Kalin. Say hello, Elliot.

[0:29] Hello, Elliot.

[0:31] Now, today, instead of watching a bad movie and talking about it,

[0:34] today we are actually going to be doing a little bit of business.

[0:37] We're going to take our listeners behind the curtain.

[0:40] Because this is the first ever shareholders meeting for the new venture,

[0:47] the Flophouse Bar and Grill.

[0:50] That's right.

[0:51] The Flophouse is moving into branded restaurant territory.

[0:55] So we need to have a meeting so that we can get this business off the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[0:59] Interesting to learn about this now.

[1:01] I know.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02] Yeah, you haven't checked your bank account because you've already invested.

[1:05] Unfortunately, that's unfortunate for you.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07] I know I shouldn't have signed those papers giving Stuart power of attorney over my finances.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] Yeah, it's too bad.

[1:12] I mean, you're kind of a pay pig in this situation.

[1:16] So to help this-

Dan McCoy

[1:19] This is a fin dom thing, I'm pretty sure.

[1:21] Oh, okay.

[1:22] Then that's fine.

[1:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23] To help this process along, I have brought in an expert.

[1:28] Okay?

[1:28] Alex, why don't you throw in like a bar rescue guitar sting here?

[1:33] For over 30 years in the hospitality business, Charlene Wellington is a legend in her field.

[1:40] In Brooklyn, she is a giant in the industry of bartending and bar owning.

[1:46] For her, running a bar is not just a business.

[1:50] It's a science.

[1:51] Hey, Charlene.

[1:52] How are you doing?

[1:53] Hi, I'm doing great.

[1:55] So we brought you in as an expert to help us with this venture.

[1:59] How do you feel about this?

[2:00] Do you want to introduce yourself?

[2:01] Do you want to give your bona fides, other than the bona fides I've already given you?

S4

[2:05] No, I think you did a good job.

Stuart Wellington

[2:07] Okay.

[2:08] That's nice to hear.

[2:11] I guess I have a praise kink today.

[2:14] So we're going to be talking about our restaurant business.

[2:18] Now, if you are interested in movies, well, you're lucky because we're going to talk about movies up front.

[2:22] Because I feel like the best way to really kick this new venture off the ground is for us to kind of examine popular restaurants and movies.

[2:32] I messed that up already.

[2:34] I'm not good at running meetings here, guys.

[2:37] I know normally you guys have me in the meeting organizer category, but this is a new role for me.

[2:42] So we'll see how I'm doing.

[2:44] So we're going to talk about restaurants and bars that we know from the movies and TV.

[2:49] And obviously, if you guys can think of some examples that I might miss, feel free to chime in.

[2:54] But the idea is we're going to talk about examples so that we can get an idea of what we think would best serve the Flophouse brand.

[3:07] Okay.

[3:07] So Elliot kicked us off right there.

[3:10] Taco Bell and Time Cop.

[3:11] What are some – what do you like about it, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[3:15] So what I like about Taco Bell, specifically the Time Cop version, is it's fine dining.

[3:19] It's the only restaurant.

[3:21] It's implied that it destroyed all the other restaurants at some point and took them over and conquered them.

[3:26] So the name is kind of malleable.

[3:29] It can mean a number of different things.

[3:31] It's flexible.

[3:32] It can do different types of things.

[3:34] It's not just tacos.

[3:36] I mean this is a world where they don't even have toilet paper anymore.

[3:38] So who knows what Taco Bell serves you.

[3:40] It's certainly not something where you would need a lot of toilet paper because they don't have it anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[3:43] Which is unlike current Taco Bell from my understanding.

[3:46] Yes.

[3:46] No offense to Taco Bell.

Elliott Kalan

[3:47] We all remember their ad campaign, Moss Papier de Toilet.

[3:51] I don't remember how.

[3:52] De Banyo.

Stuart Wellington

[3:53] That's what the Liv Moss.

[3:54] Why are we afraid of offending Taco Bell too?

[3:57] I don't understand.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] It was poop moss.

[3:59] That was their slogan.

Stuart Wellington

[4:00] Oh, wow.

[4:01] They had to tweak it a little bit.

[4:03] Okay.

[4:04] So –

Elliott Kalan

[4:04] Do you like how mine turned into French almost instantly?

[4:06] I couldn't even stick with Spanish through one slogan.

Stuart Wellington

[4:11] Yep.

[4:12] Taco Bell in Demolition Man.

[4:14] Any other thoughts?

[4:15] Oh, sorry.

[4:15] Yeah, Demolition Man.

[4:16] I said Time Cop earlier.

[4:17] I apologize.

[4:17] I meant Demolition Man.

Dan McCoy

[4:17] I don't know.

[4:18] You got the Double Deuce in Roadhouse.

Stuart Wellington

[4:21] That's perfect.

[4:22] That was –

[4:22] That's the first on my list.

[4:23] So in honor of the new Roadhouse.

Elliott Kalan

[4:25] It wasn't Taco Bell in Demolition Man or Time Cop, as I said, a movie where they don't actually go to Taco Bell?

Stuart Wellington

[4:29] No.

[4:30] So I think in Time Cop they go to the mall.

[4:33] I think that's the most –

[4:34] Yeah, they do go to the mall.

Elliott Kalan

[4:34] I would assume there's a Taco Bell there probably.

Stuart Wellington

[4:37] Or an Auntie Anne's, right?

[4:38] What's your favorite mall restaurant?

Dan McCoy

[4:41] Oh, me?

[4:41] I thought you were looking at Charlene.

[4:43] Any of you.

[4:44] That's the joy of a podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[4:46] It's an improv exercise.

Dan McCoy

[4:47] I don't remember really eating at the mall a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[4:51] Like –

[4:51] We used to do –

[4:52] Then I'll talk about this.

Stuart Wellington

[4:53] We used to do the longest time.

[4:54] We'd go to Bennegan's.

Elliott Kalan

[4:55] We'd go to Houlihan's.

[4:56] We'd go to Friday's.

[4:57] You were a fictional character that owned a restaurant.

[5:00] We were eating at your restaurant in the mall.

Stuart Wellington

[5:03] What's –

[5:03] Wait.

[5:04] What's –

[5:04] Not Fud Wreckers.

[5:05] That wasn't in the mall.

[5:06] What's –

[5:06] No, Ruby Tuesdays.

[5:08] Yeah, Ruby Tuesdays.

[5:09] I used to fuck up a Ruby Tuesdays like lunch salad bar.

[5:12] And I just –

Elliott Kalan

[5:13] It's too bad that Alan Moore never got to do the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen set in the world of franchise restaurants.

[5:18] Because to finally see Ruby Tuesday, Houlihan, Bennegan, and TGI Friday teaming up together.

[5:22] Oh, man.

[5:23] Amazing.

Stuart Wellington

[5:23] Oh, and you're only scratching the surface there, buddy.

[5:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:26] I had some of the classic sort of, you know, mall, like, foods.

[5:31] Not like, you know, like a meal.

[5:33] But I remember being given an Orange Julius as a kid and immediately being like, what is this?

[5:38] I don't care for this.

Elliott Kalan

[5:39] See, that's something I only knew from references in TV shows and movies.

[5:43] I first heard of Orange Julius on an episode of The Adventures of Pete and Pete.

[5:46] And I thought it was a made-up thing in the world of Pete and Pete.

[5:49] Yeah.

[5:49] Because I've never encountered one in an actual world.

Stuart Wellington

[5:51] And you were impressed at how good the branding was, that it sounded so real.

[5:54] Yeah, that it sounded super real.

Elliott Kalan

[5:56] Orange Julius does sound like an amazing name.

Dan McCoy

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:58] You're like, all the Juliuses I know in real life aren't orange, so this must be a made-up.

S4

[6:03] When I stopped going to the mall with my parents and started going with my friends.

Stuart Wellington

[6:07] When you stopped being phony and started getting real or whatever.

S4

[6:12] Yeah.

[6:13] Orange Julius was just something we would walk by and we never, like, noticed it.

[6:18] But my friends would be like, let's get an Orange Julius.

Stuart Wellington

[6:21] To wash down the, I'm assuming, pack of cigarettes they're smoking.

S4

[6:25] Obviously.

Stuart Wellington

[6:25] Inside the mall.

[6:26] Inside the mall.

Elliott Kalan

[6:27] Yeah, just take a bite of an Auntie Anne's pretzel.

[6:29] Take a drag and a cigarette.

Stuart Wellington

[6:31] You need something to power you up as you go.

[6:33] What, roller skating?

[6:34] Did you have an ice?

[6:35] We didn't.

[6:35] No, we didn't.

[6:36] We didn't roller skate.

[6:37] Were you hanging out at Tilt?

[6:38] In the mall.

[6:39] Arcade.

[6:40] Yes.

[6:41] Tilt was the branded arcade.

[6:42] B. Dalton's.

[6:44] Booksellers.

[6:45] We talked about it when we talked about joysticks.

[6:46] KB Toys.

[6:47] We did.

Elliott Kalan

[6:48] There was a KB Toys.

[6:49] KB Toys, yep.

[6:50] So should I mention another restaurant now?

[6:52] What?

[6:53] Sure.

[6:54] I guess we never really talked about it.

[6:55] How does this work, Stuart?

[6:56] We never really talked about the double deuce.

S4

[6:57] Should we talk about the double deuce?

Stuart Wellington

[6:58] Can you lay down some ground rules to what we're doing?

[7:01] I feel like that's so confused.

[7:02] Are we deciding if we want to open a roadhouse?

[7:04] So that's what I'm saying.

[7:06] Okay.

[7:08] Clearly.

[7:08] I mean, I feel like this premise is fairly clear.

[7:11] So let's talk about the double deuce, the titular roadhouse from the movie Roadhouse.

[7:16] The original.

[7:17] The original.

[7:18] We're not going to talk about the roadhouse from the roadhouse, but we can do that too.

[7:22] There's no rules to right.

S4

[7:23] Well, I think the first thing we need to do is hire security.

Stuart Wellington

[7:26] Yes.

[7:27] Well, that's – I would say that if the Flophouse Bar and Grill is a rowdy roadhouse, I feel like that movie has taught us that we should, yes, hire security.

Elliott Kalan

[7:37] Unfortunately, we can't hire the best in the biz, Dalton, because he went on to start that book chain in the mall, B. Dalton's, which stands for Bouncer Dalton's Booksellers.

Dan McCoy

[7:45] That's true.

[7:46] We can't hire a rowdy roadhouse Piper because that's not an actual person.

[7:50] No, not at all.

[7:51] No.

Stuart Wellington

[7:51] But if he was – now, the thing is that I feel like that Bouncer's – Bouncer's in general.

[7:57] It's a little more expensive.

[7:58] I think Char and I are limited experience dealing with bouncers and door guys.

[8:02] I mean, it depends on what you want.

Elliott Kalan

[8:04] You need to find someone who can bounce, and that's not easy to do.

[8:07] They need that gummy bears potion from the cartoon.

[8:10] Or some flubber.

Stuart Wellington

[8:12] I'm an absolute-minded professor.

[8:13] Tigger can be our bouncer.

Elliott Kalan

[8:14] He can bounce pretty well.

[8:16] I mean, the bottom is made out of rubber, and the top is made out of springs, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:19] So some other things about the Double Deuce.

[8:21] It's rowdy.

[8:22] It's busy.

[8:23] It's popular.

[8:24] You have a house – you have various bands performing.

[8:28] Yeah, and house music.

[8:29] Yep.

[8:30] They're playing house music, and they have a chain-link fence to protect them.

[8:33] Expenses, expenses, expenses.

[8:35] We're talking all expenses here.

[8:36] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] They seem to be saving their money by making their beer bottles, however, out of the thinnest

[8:43] possible glass because they just shatter it.

[8:45] Well, usually bars don't make their own beer bottles is the thing.

S4

[8:48] That's true, and you're not even a professional.

Elliott Kalan

[8:51] Thank you.

[8:51] Just from my experience, just my limited experience as a patron of a restaurant, I see that normally

[8:55] they don't – not everything is grown or manufactured in.

Dan McCoy

[8:58] Maybe they're purchasing from a subpar vendor.

[9:01] That's fine.

Elliott Kalan

[9:01] Again, you usually buy – I mean, maybe they're buying from the bottle that uses the one,

[9:06] but usually you're buying from the brewery, I assume.

[9:08] Yeah.

S4

[9:08] Also, it's best to keep the beer inside the bottle than have it be outside the bottle.

[9:13] Until you want to drink it.

[9:14] It's very hard to drink it when it's still in the bottle.

[9:17] Yeah.

[9:17] That's true.

[9:17] It's possible.

[9:18] But you don't want to lick it out of a puddle of broken glass.

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] No, that's true.

[9:22] Not unless you're the character Killer Kane in the movie – was it the ninth prophecy?

[9:28] The ninth configuration?

[9:29] The configuration with Stacy Keach, yeah.

[9:31] Where they make him lick the beer off the wood floor of the bar because they just – because

[9:36] they have to unleash the killer inside of it.

Stuart Wellington

[9:39] Yeah, and I feel like Stacy Keach gives off the energy that he would do that anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[9:47] So Stacy Keach is our bouncer at this roadhouse.

[9:50] Stacy Keach and Tigger, two entrances.

[9:54] Now, there's your movie.

[9:55] The two of them are bouncers.

[9:57] They don't always get along, but they work well together.

[10:00] Yeah, Stacy Keach and Tigger, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:02] And Rabbit has to be involved some way because he needs a fuddy-duddy, right?

[10:07] Rabbit's just a pain in the ass.

Dan McCoy

[10:08] Yeah, that's what you look for in a bouncer is a fuddy-duddy.

Elliott Kalan

[10:11] Well, Rabbit, I assume, is the music booker, and he's always very nervous, yeah.

[10:14] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:15] Oh, man, he's so stressed out.

[10:16] Okay.

[10:17] Okay, so that's Roadhouse.

[10:19] We can't have an idea of what a roadhouse is.

[10:21] I guess so.

[10:22] Okay.

[10:23] Let's move on to the world of television.

[10:25] Okay.

[10:28] Cheers.

[10:29] Cheers, of course.

[10:29] Has anyone seen the show Cheers?

[10:30] Powers above.

[10:31] I might be familiar.

[10:33] Yeah.

[10:34] So who's the best in Cheers?

[10:35] Who's the best Cheers?

[10:36] Who's the best?

[10:37] Who's the best Cheers?

[10:38] Yeah, who's the best Cheers?

[10:38] At what?

[10:39] At what?

Elliott Kalan

[10:40] At their job or as a character?

[10:43] I mean, obviously Coach.

[10:43] The funniest to me is Coach.

[10:45] Coach?

[10:45] But I don't want to hire Coach.

[10:47] He's bad at his job.

[10:48] He's bad at his job.

[10:48] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[10:49] You don't want to hire an older American hardworking guy.

S4

[10:53] I feel like everyone in Cheers was bad at their jobs.

Stuart Wellington

[10:56] That's – even Carla?

[10:58] Carla?

Elliott Kalan

[10:59] Carla was the worst.

[11:00] She builds a pretty unwelcoming atmosphere.

[11:03] And this is the kind of bar where people wear sports jackets when they drink there.

[11:06] That's true.

[11:07] I mean, there are certain bars where you go there and you're like, I want to get yelled

[11:10] at by the people who work here.

[11:12] I want to be insulted.

[11:12] Right.

[11:12] And that's not – I feel like that's not the crowd for that, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[11:16] So I feel like at least if we are going to take lessons away from Cheers, I think the location

[11:24] is lovely.

[11:24] But you're saying that maybe we should train our staff differently.

Elliott Kalan

[11:27] I think if there's a way for the staff to keep that personality without, say, forgetting

[11:33] what people order or insulting them when they deliver their order, I think that would be

[11:37] great.

[11:38] But the location is great, right in the heart of Austin, underneath a restaurant that people

[11:42] need to wait for their tables.

[11:44] They go down and get a drink.

S4

[11:45] Unhospitable to newcomers.

Elliott Kalan

[11:47] Yeah.

[11:48] That's what you're looking for.

[11:50] I think, isn't there a cigar store Indian in the front?

[11:52] I think we lose that.

[11:53] Let's not have that.

[11:54] Yeah.

[11:54] Yeah, probably cut that one out.

[11:55] That's not something we need.

[11:56] Yeah.

[11:57] But I do want a lot of old newspapers on the walls, for sure.

Stuart Wellington

[12:00] Didn't Sam Malone like a famous bowler or something?

[12:03] No.

Elliott Kalan

[12:03] He was a pitcher.

Stuart Wellington

[12:05] He was a relief pitcher.

S4

[12:08] Yeah.

[12:08] Also, we can't have our bartenders sleeping with all the customers.

[12:12] Well, here's the other thing.

[12:13] Well, he was the old man.

Elliott Kalan

[12:14] If the face of the bar could be a professional athlete, that would be great.

[12:17] It brings in the fans.

[12:18] If he could not be in, yeah, sort of sexual harassment relationship with both his employees

[12:23] and the patrons, that would be great.

[12:26] That'd be great.

Stuart Wellington

[12:26] Write that down, Stuart.

[12:27] Okay.

[12:29] I mean, this whole episode is TM us, so nobody can steal our team.

Elliott Kalan

[12:33] And I assume Rabbit could also be a good human resources person, where he's a little nervous

[12:37] about having to call in Sam Malone and talk to him.

Stuart Wellington

[12:39] Yeah, Rabbit would be great at that.

[12:41] Oh, man.

[12:41] I love it.

[12:42] Okay.

[12:42] So we've learned some stuff from Cheers.

[12:44] Does anyone have a – did anyone – nobody really came up with a definitive answer as

[12:48] to who's the best Cheers, right?

[12:49] I did.

[12:50] Who's the best?

[12:50] Coach.

[12:50] Okay.

[12:51] I still don't know.

[12:52] Coach is the best.

[12:52] Yeah.

[12:52] Coach is the best Cheers.

[12:53] It seems like –

[12:54] Coach is first name?

[12:55] Ernie.

[12:56] Ernie.

Dan McCoy

[12:56] Yeah.

[12:56] Ernie Pantuso.

[12:58] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[12:59] That's his last name, Dan.

[13:00] His first name is not Ernie Pantuso.

Dan McCoy

[13:02] I'm just giving the full name, man.

[13:04] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[13:04] Back to the world of movies.

[13:08] The restaurant from Ratatouille.

[13:11] Okay.

[13:12] Okay.

[13:12] Fancy.

[13:13] Very fancy.

[13:14] Okay.

[13:15] What can we – what do we like?

[13:17] What are our roses?

[13:18] What are our thorns here?

S4

[13:19] I feel like the health inspector is not going to like that the food is prepared by rats.

[13:24] Probably not.

[13:25] We never see him wash his hands, do we?

[13:27] The rat?

[13:28] Never.

Elliott Kalan

[13:29] I mean, I guess the rat is not handling the food usually.

[13:32] He's pulling the hair of the chef who is then making the food.

S4

[13:37] But that chef has like a ton of rat poop under his hat.

[13:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[13:41] I mean, the fact that he has a rat in his hair is a no-go.

[13:44] You don't want that guy working at your restaurant.

[13:45] It's pretty bad.

[13:46] No matter how brilliant the rat is or how good a human puppet he is.

Dan McCoy

[13:50] It also seems like a very unreliable way to steer any cooking.

[13:54] Like it's – right now it seems to be working great for them.

[13:57] But I – you know, if a rat was pulling on my hair, it wouldn't immediately translate for me into action.

[14:04] Like I wouldn't necessarily know what the rat wants.

Elliott Kalan

[14:05] I mean, the action it would translate into is brushing your head to get the rat off and probably yelling.

[14:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[14:10] Although I don't know.

[14:11] The rats in the soup.

[14:12] Yeah.

[14:12] Have you tried having a rat drive you around like a little man machine?

[14:16] Have I tried it?

[14:17] Yeah, Dan, maybe you should try it.

[14:18] Don't knock until you try it.

Elliott Kalan

[14:20] No, I haven't tried it yet.

[14:20] You're right.

[14:20] Being driven like a human car with a rat driver.

[14:22] Like rat fink.

[14:24] A boo-boo?

[14:25] Yeah.

[14:25] No, no.

[14:26] That's a different rat fink.

[14:27] I think – but it is better.

[14:28] It's cleaner and better than in the Muppets Take Manhattan where the rats are just handling the food and also skating on butter pats on a frying pan.

[14:36] You know, they're – what?

[14:38] Bicycling in the soup.

[14:39] All that is – yeah, you don't want that either.

[14:41] You know.

Stuart Wellington

[14:42] Okay.

[14:42] So we understand that we probably don't want a restaurant where we rely on animals.

[14:46] Based on rat employees.

[14:47] Yeah, rat employees.

[14:49] Okay.

[14:49] That's actually a pretty good point.

[14:51] But maybe we're not completely –

[14:52] Tiggers and rabbits are okay.

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] Tiggers and rabbits are okay.

[14:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:54] I mean also, Tigger, he's outside the bar.

[14:56] He's at the door.

[14:57] You know, he's not fully outside, but he's at the door.

[14:59] Maybe there's a little entryway that he can be in.

[15:01] And rabbit, he's just in the back room.

[15:02] He's not handling the food.

Dan McCoy

[15:03] Yeah.

[15:03] So also not the diner from Muppets Take Manhattan then.

[15:06] Exactly.

[15:07] Not the diner from Muppets Take Manhattan.

Stuart Wellington

[15:08] Well, is there anything good about the diner from Muppets Take Manhattan?

Dan McCoy

[15:12] There's a bunch of Muppets in it, so that's fun.

Elliott Kalan

[15:14] Okay.

[15:14] Yeah.

[15:15] Maybe our restaurant has Muppets in it.

[15:17] That would be great.

[15:17] There are patrons there mostly, but I think that would be great.

[15:20] Yeah.

[15:20] If it's a Muppet-friendly restaurant.

[15:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[15:23] But I feel like they're unreliable about paying for things, right?

[15:26] Or am I just casting aspersions on Muppets in general?

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] That feels racist.

[15:30] Yeah.

[15:30] I don't think they're that good with money.

[15:32] And also often they get hit by taxi cabs and lose their memory and have to be found.

[15:36] Again.

[15:37] At that same diner.

Dan McCoy

[15:38] I mean, often.

[15:39] Like, you know, one out of three.

[15:41] More than zero.

[15:41] More than zero times.

[15:43] Movies.

[15:44] I don't count the later ones.

Elliott Kalan

[15:45] Oh, wow.

[15:46] So, Stuart, I had a movie I wanted to introduce.

[15:48] Also, as long as we're talking about movie, restaurants in New York specifically, like the Muppets Take Manhattan Diner,

[15:53] is in Gremlins 2, there is a Canadian restaurant that I find.

[15:57] Yes.

[15:57] What I like about it is it knows its concept and it sticks with that concept very closely.

[16:02] It's got a clear core conception of what they serve.

Stuart Wellington

[16:05] The servers dress as Mounties, right?

Elliott Kalan

[16:07] The servers dress as Mounties.

[16:08] There's a lot of stuffed bears and trout on the walls.

[16:11] They serve a chocolate mousse, which is a mousse's head made out of chocolate.

[16:15] They serve Molson beer.

[16:16] It is a, I mean, I have to assume poutine is on the menu somewhere in there.

[16:20] You have to assume, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:21] Yeah.

[16:21] Exactly.

[16:21] And the rest of the dessert menu is provided by Tim Hortons, I would imagine.

Elliott Kalan

[16:26] Probably.

[16:26] With a markup.

[16:27] It was harder to get Tim Hortons in New York at the time, yeah.

S4

[16:30] Would a Gremlins restaurant have to close before midnight?

Elliott Kalan

[16:33] That's a good point, Elliot.

[16:34] That's a great question.

Stuart Wellington

[16:35] Often restaurants do close before midnight, so I think that won't be too big of an issue.

[16:40] Yeah.

[16:41] Yeah.

[16:41] I feel like, in fact, with the way that restaurants are closing earlier these days, it's doing some

[16:48] work to prevent Gremlin infestations.

[16:50] I have a question about Gremlins.

[16:51] That's why Eric Adams introduced that regulation.

[16:53] Yeah.

S4

[16:54] If you can't feed them after midnight, how long is the window until it's the next day

[16:58] and you can feed them?

Stuart Wellington

[16:59] Yeah.

[16:59] That's one of the big concerns.

[17:01] Dan, I think, is an expert on this, so why don't you wait?

[17:03] Yeah.

[17:03] Dan, you're a gremologist.

[17:04] What do you say?

[17:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:07] Well, it's been brought up sort of in a scene in Gremlins 2, the new batch, where they do

[17:11] make fun of the vagueness.

[17:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:14] They talk about if you're in an airplane crossing time zones.

[17:17] Does that count?

[17:18] Things like that.

[17:18] Yeah.

S4

[17:18] I'm asking questions that have been asked before.

[17:21] I'm sorry.

[17:21] No, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[17:22] I mean, they're important questions.

S4

[17:24] Just because a question has been asked before doesn't mean it's been answered and it needs

Stuart Wellington

[17:27] to be asked again.

[17:27] Yeah.

[17:28] Like, who's the best at cheers?

[17:30] Who's the best at cheers?

[17:31] Or who's the boss?

[17:31] Yeah.

[17:31] Who's the best at cheers?

[17:35] Okay.

[17:36] So, I think we all like some things about the Canadian restaurant and Gremlins we're going

[17:42] to keep.

[17:42] This is all going to be helpful because in the second half of this meeting, we're going to really

[17:46] hammer in what we're doing.

[17:48] But I think it's best for us to brainstorm a little and get some ideas of inspiration

[17:52] for our own venture.

[17:55] So, let's talk about the restaurant from The Bear.

[17:58] Hit show on Hulu coming back soon.

[18:00] Now, are you going to say the restaurant from The Bear season one or season two?

[18:04] Because they're two very different restaurants.

[18:05] Let's talk about them both.

[18:07] Okay.

[18:07] Which one do you think the people of that neighborhood of Chicago are more excited about?

[18:11] A reasonably priced beef restaurant or a very fancy restaurant?

Elliott Kalan

[18:15] Yeah.

[18:16] A legendary sandwich restaurant that you could just stop in and get something for lunch whenever

[18:20] you want.

[18:21] Yeah.

[18:21] Or a fancy restaurant where you need a reservation.

[18:24] I'm going to go with – I did miss that sandwich restaurant in season two.

[18:28] I did not like that turn that they took.

Dan McCoy

[18:30] On the trailer for this new one, it seems like he's changing up his menu all the time.

[18:36] Look, I don't want that as a consumer.

[18:39] You know?

[18:40] I want to know that there are a few reliable things on the menu that if they're good, they're

[18:45] going to be good.

[18:46] You know, he's chasing his views all over the place.

Stuart Wellington

[18:49] Yeah, you were saying – because you went to a nice restaurant in London and you said

[18:53] you were mad that they took the chicken nuggies off the menu.

[18:58] With dipping – he wants dipping sauces.

Dan McCoy

[19:01] They weren't the same shapes anymore.

[19:02] I wanted them star-shaped and they refused.

[19:05] Because you're a star, right?

Stuart Wellington

[19:06] You're like, I want my food to be a congratulations.

[19:11] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:13] I want the sky to be empty of stars because they're all on my plate deep fried and breaded.

[19:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:19] Now, so Charlene, how likely do you think if somebody were to do that with a classic restaurant,

[19:26] like a classic beef restaurant, churn it from a sandwich shop to a fancy restaurant, how

[19:31] long would it take before one of the old regulars just walks in and spits on the floor?

S4

[19:36] Immediately.

Stuart Wellington

[19:37] Yeah.

[19:38] They would be mad.

[19:39] They would throw something.

S4

[19:40] Yeah.

[19:41] I mean –

Elliott Kalan

[19:42] I will say the second restaurant seems like it's a lot more pleasant to work in than the

[19:47] first one, though.

[19:49] The fucking icebox broke and he got stuck in the walk-in, right?

[19:52] Well, that's his own mistake.

[19:54] That was him.

[19:55] Foolish on his part.

Stuart Wellington

[19:56] That was a plate he didn't keep spinning.

[19:59] Yeah, that's user error.

S4

[20:01] Yeah.

[20:01] As an expert, I feel like that whole second season was a mistake.

[20:04] You had a concept that was working.

[20:06] It was simple.

[20:07] Everybody knew what they were going to get.

[20:09] And then he took it and he turned it around and now they're like making cherry foam.

[20:13] And nobody wants that.

Stuart Wellington

[20:15] So how long did we spend arguing about how likely it is that you could get stuck in your own walk-in like that?

S4

[20:23] I mean, if you're walking – I mean, it should have a safety feature.

[20:27] You should not be able to get stuck in your walk-in like that.

Elliott Kalan

[20:30] Even Christopher Walk-in is a safety feature so you can't get stuck in him.

[20:33] Yes, he does.

[20:33] He does.

[20:34] And I've tried.

Dan McCoy

[20:35] It's the size of his orifices.

[20:37] That's the safety feature that keeps you from getting stuck.

[20:39] Dan, thanks for taking something that was delightfully surreal and turning it vulgar.

[20:44] I'd say –

[20:46] I'd say witch orifice.

[20:48] Maybe it's his existence.

[20:49] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[20:51] It could be his ear, you know.

[20:53] But Charlene, you're saying there should be a safety feature on that walk-in freezer.

S4

[20:56] There's a safety feature on most walk-in freezers that you would have to lock somebody in on purpose because there's like –

[21:04] Maybe that's what happened.

[21:04] Maybe that's what we'll find out in season three.

[21:06] Maybe we will.

[21:07] Or it could have just been really old and the safety feature is broken and they taped it up.

Stuart Wellington

[21:12] Yeah, do you think they'll go do a deep dive into the safety features and structure of this walk-in cooler?

[21:17] Probably.

[21:17] That's probably what's billion bucks.

[21:18] We're going to do a whole episode on that.

Elliott Kalan

[21:19] I mean, if ever there was a restaurant that should not have passed its exams, it feels like it's that one.

[21:25] Like that thing was really held together with tape and bailing wire and stuff like that.

[21:31] That's the business, right?

S4

[21:33] Someone got stuck in the walk-in on the Brady Bunch once.

[21:36] Okay, can you explain?

[21:37] Afraid of walk-ins?

Stuart Wellington

[21:38] They have a walk-in cooler in the Brady Bunch house?

S4

[21:40] Well, it's Sam's butcher.

[21:42] He had a walk-in cooler.

Elliott Kalan

[21:43] Oh, Sam and Alice went into the freezer to have sex in the middle of the day.

[21:47] And they got stuck in there.

[21:48] It's the only cool place.

S4

[21:49] I think it might have been Greg that got stuck in there.

Elliott Kalan

[21:51] Whoa, he was going to have sex with Greg?

Stuart Wellington

[21:56] It was an edgy show.

[21:58] It was out of its time.

[21:59] Very edgy, yeah.

[22:02] Okay, and did we cover who's the best the bear?

Elliott Kalan

[22:05] The Brady Bunch show that took a brave anti-Jesse James stance in one episode.

[22:10] Yeah, that's pretty hard to remember that.

Stuart Wellington

[22:13] So did we decide who the best the bear is?

[22:17] The best the bear?

Dan McCoy

[22:18] The best the bear.

[22:19] The bear from the movie The Bear, probably.

[22:21] Yeah, that's pretty good.

[22:22] It's a real bear, yeah.

[22:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:24] I'm a Baloo guy, personally, but that's me.

[22:26] I'm a Baloo, too.

[22:27] Da-boo-dee-da-boo-die.

[22:28] Da-boo-dee-da-boo-die.

[22:30] Just drop the call.

S4

[22:33] Oh, man.

[22:33] You guys picked all the best bears.

Stuart Wellington

[22:35] Yeah, you have to pick a lousy bear now.

S4

[22:37] I have to pick a terrible bear.

[22:39] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[22:41] You got a...

[22:42] There's a kook-up bear.

[22:43] You got Paddington.

[22:44] Oh, I like Paddington.

S4

[22:46] Yeah.

[22:46] I didn't see that.

[22:48] All right, I'll take Paddington, but Baloo is kind of my favorite.

Dan McCoy

[22:50] Yeah, Baloo rocks.

[22:52] And are we talking about, like, Tailspin Baloo?

[22:54] Tailspin Baloo, because it's the same guy, but he can five-lane.

[22:56] Yeah.

S4

[22:57] No, I like the one that sings Bear Necessities.

[23:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:01] Yeah, that...

[23:02] It's a little on the nose.

[23:02] Tailspin Baloo has a job.

[23:04] You know, like, the great thing about Jungle Book Baloo is he just floats down the river.

[23:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:09] Yeah.

[23:09] How long can you do that for, Dan?

[23:10] Eventually, you got to get a job as a jungle pilot.

[23:13] No, the whole thing of the song is the Bear Necessities of Life come to you.

Stuart Wellington

[23:16] Somebody's been...

[23:17] Somebody's been...

[23:18] Look at a rock.

[23:18] ...and a little hill over here.

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] You need a prickly pear.

[23:21] Look, what is he contributing to society, Dan?

[23:23] We need workers, not bears floating down rivers.

[23:25] I mean, he raised that child.

[23:27] Yeah, that's a full-time job.

[23:28] That's a full-time job.

[23:30] There's only so much you can get knowing that you pick up the paw-paw with the claw and not the paw, Dan.

Stuart Wellington

[23:35] So it's great that we're talking about animated shows.

[23:38] Let's talk about another one.

[23:40] Bob's Burgers.

[23:41] Bob's Burgers is a hamburger restaurant.

[23:44] Also kind of like the bear in some ways.

[23:46] Yeah.

[23:46] Kind of like the bear in some ways.

[23:48] Do they ever...

[23:49] Do they ever...

[23:51] And I guess it's a movie, too.

[23:52] They made a movie about it.

[23:53] They did make a movie.

[23:54] Did you hear about this?

[23:55] Did you hear about this?

[23:56] Anybody hear about this?

[23:57] So wait.

[23:57] So did they ever do a fine dining episode where Bob's Burgers became a fine dining restaurant?

[24:04] Probably.

Elliott Kalan

[24:04] I haven't...

[24:04] I don't watch it as regularly as I once.

[24:06] I watched it weekly for like eight years.

[24:09] And then I haven't watched it as regularly.

[24:10] So maybe.

[24:11] So what do we like about the Bob's Burgers restaurant?

S4

[24:13] You know what I like about Bob's Burgers?

[24:14] They've been at it a long time, but they still manage to put a new special up on the board every week.

[24:20] And it shows that they care.

Elliott Kalan

[24:22] Yeah.

[24:22] And their regular menu stays the same, but they have that new special.

[24:26] That's a nice balance.

[24:27] Yeah.

S4

[24:27] And it's usually timely.

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] Yeah.

[24:29] Or funny.

[24:30] Funny.

Dan McCoy

[24:30] It's basically just burgers, but Bob clearly really loves burgers.

[24:35] He's focused on his core competencies.

[24:36] Yeah.

[24:37] And, you know, that's the business.

Elliott Kalan

[24:39] Well, there's passion.

[24:39] As opposed to the bear, where he has a passion for cooking, but he's trying to change the restaurant.

[24:45] And yelling.

[24:45] Yeah, that's true.

[24:46] Bob has a passion for cooking burgers and also not yelling.

[24:50] He's very quiet, as any John Benjamin-voiced character would be.

[24:53] He's kind of, you know, under-emoting.

[24:56] But also, I feel like, yeah, he's just more comfortable in that space.

[25:00] You know, I'd rather go eat at Bob's Burgers than eat at the bear fancy or the bear beef sandwich.

Stuart Wellington

[25:06] Or the bear the animal movie.

[25:11] Yeah, I'd rather not eat an animal.

S4

[25:12] You think Bob's Burgers are better than the original bear's beef?

[25:17] Yeah, that's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[25:18] I think the original beef sandwich is probably better than Bob's Burgers.

Elliott Kalan

[25:22] I think the sandwich is probably better, but I'd rather sit in the Bob's Burgers than sit in the Mr. Beef and just hear them screaming at each other.

S4

[25:29] I mean, you can also sit in your car and get it to go.

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

[25:33] Just walk down the street.

[25:35] Just walk down a beautiful Chicago street.

[25:38] What neighborhood in Chicago does that take place in, Dan?

[25:43] Grimsblow.

[25:44] You're a local Illinoisan.

[25:47] I am from Illinois.

Dan McCoy

[25:48] I am from downstate.

[25:49] I have not actually spent a whole heck of a lot of time in Chicago.

[25:53] I do not know.

[25:54] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[25:55] And what's your favorite style of Chicago hot dog?

[25:58] Chicago style?

Dan McCoy

[25:58] I do not like Chicago hot dogs.

[26:01] I'm sorry to the people of my state.

Stuart Wellington

[26:02] What makes it a Chicago style dog?

Dan McCoy

[26:04] They put a bunch of vegetables on it.

[26:06] So it's a seeded bun.

[26:07] They put some celery salts.

[26:08] They put a…

Elliott Kalan

[26:09] Celery salt?

[26:10] Seated bun.

[26:11] Yep.

[26:11] Seated bun.

[26:12] Celery salt, mustard.

[26:13] Cut.

Elliott Kalan

[26:13] Cut.

[26:14] Is it side or is it top?

Stuart Wellington

[26:17] Wait a minute.

[26:17] What?

Dan McCoy

[26:18] I think this is less key to a Chicago dog, the cutting of the bun.

[26:22] I don't know, but it's mostly the toppings as well.

[26:24] I just don't like…

Elliott Kalan

[26:25] I don't like those hot dog buns that are cut on the top where you can never quite fit the

[26:28] hot dog all the way in it.

Dan McCoy

[26:30] Uh-huh.

[26:30] Just pry it apart a little more, man.

[26:32] Yeah.

[26:32] That's not my job to rip my…

Elliott Kalan

[26:33] You gotta make it…

[26:34] To fit more of it in.

[26:36] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[26:37] And they also feature sliced cherry tomatoes and a sport pepper.

[26:42] Sport pepper is a key.

[26:43] What's a sport pepper?

[26:44] It's kind of like a pepperoncini.

Dan McCoy

[26:46] Yeah.

[26:46] It's too much for me.

[26:47] I'm…

[26:48] You know, my adopted home of New York, I prefer the New York-style dog with some mustard and

[26:55] then maybe some sauerkraut or onions.

Elliott Kalan

[26:57] Elliot, do you have a hot dog preference?

[26:59] I like ketchup and onions.

[27:02] Maybe sauerkraut sometimes.

[27:03] I know a lot of people are like, ketchup on a hot dog, and I'm like, I don't care.

[27:07] You don't have to eat it.

[27:08] Like, that's how I like to eat it.

[27:09] Yeah.

[27:09] Do what you want.

[27:09] No.

S4

[27:09] I like ketchup on a hot dog, too.

Stuart Wellington

[27:11] Yeah.

[27:11] Charlene, is that your hot dog order?

S4

[27:13] Uh, Nathan's, ketchup, and then there's crinkle fries.

[27:17] Yeah.

[27:17] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:17] I like the crinkle fries.

[27:18] I feel like the…

[27:19] At this point, the hot dog is more of an excuse to get crinkle fries.

[27:23] Yeah.

[27:24] And the little red fork.

S4

[27:25] Yeah.

[27:25] You gotta get a little red fork.

Stuart Wellington

[27:27] Like you're a fucking Skeksis.

S4

[27:28] Oh, we need that in our restaurant.

[27:29] The little red fork.

[27:30] Little red fork.

[27:31] Yeah.

[27:31] I'm into it.

Elliott Kalan

[27:32] And I don't care what the food is, but it should have a little plastic table just like

[27:35] inside a pizza box on it.

Stuart Wellington

[27:37] Yeah.

[27:37] Tiny little table for…

[27:39] Yes.

[27:39] Every time I'd get one as a kid, I'm like, can I paint this for my Warhammer guys to sit

[27:43] around and eat pizza on?

[27:44] To have a Warhammer pizzeria?

[27:46] Yeah, sure.

[27:47] No, that'd be great.

[27:48] Of course…

[27:48] Okay, let's…

[27:49] Wait.

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] I know we're brainstorming restaurant concepts in the second half, but Warhammer pizzeria.

[27:52] Let's just put a pin in that for later.

[27:54] Warhammer pizzeria.

[27:54] Yeah.

[27:55] Yeah.

[27:55] Let's save that.

[27:56] Let's hear it.

[27:56] What would the toppings be?

Stuart Wellington

[27:58] Once again, we're going to save that for later.

[28:00] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[28:00] If I get too excited, I'm going to forget the rest of this.

[28:02] Probably like Goblin Guts or something.

Stuart Wellington

[28:05] So, the bar 10 forward owned by Guinan on Star Trek Enterprise.

[28:12] Yeah.

[28:12] Okay.

[28:13] I love that there's aliens in there.

Dan McCoy

[28:15] Okay.

[28:15] I like that if you go there, Guinan's going to give you some sort of wise counsel.

[28:20] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[28:21] You got to have a good front man.

[28:24] Although, I feel like it's tough when…

[28:26] What if you go there on one of the nights that Guinan's not working?

[28:28] You're going to be fucking bombed.

[28:29] That's so disappointing.

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] You came all the way across space and Guinan's not here.

[28:33] Guinan is with the Goldberg?

[28:33] It's like going to Hinterlands on a day that Stewart's not.

Stuart Wellington

[28:36] Oh, here we go again.

[28:38] Time to roast Stewart.

Dan McCoy

[28:40] I like the idea that this is coming out because in this fantasy, Elliot came to Hinterlands looking

[28:47] for Stewart and he wasn't there.

Elliott Kalan

[28:49] I just want to see my good friend Stewart.

[28:51] He flew across the country to draw that down.

[28:53] No other way to contact him.

S4

[28:54] In Stewart's defense, our bar is open for 16 hours a day, seven days a week.

[29:00] He can't possibly be there all of those hours.

[29:03] I try, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[29:07] Now, so I think we're all in agreement.

[29:11] The best Star Trek is…

Dan McCoy

[29:14] Are we all in agreement?

Stuart Wellington

[29:17] Star Wars.

[29:18] Dan's going to say Riker.

Dan McCoy

[29:19] The best series or person?

[29:21] Because I…

Stuart Wellington

[29:22] I made this super clear to you.

Dan McCoy

[29:23] I like the Brave New Worlds that has the captain that everyone says has similar hair to you.

[29:31] Yeah, the one that everybody says is Stewart, but in space.

[29:34] Anson Mount, I think his name is.

[29:36] Yeah, well…

[29:37] I like Quark.

Stuart Wellington

[29:38] Sure.

[29:38] Sure does like Quark.

[29:40] You're like, oh, he's got some really interesting ideas for a small business owner.

[29:46] I wonder what his politics are.

Elliott Kalan

[29:48] Yeah, real good, I bet.

[29:50] Can I choose Q, the omnipotent trickster who doesn't really fit into the Star Trek universe at all that I like the idea of?

Stuart Wellington

[29:57] I mean, you can obviously choose it.

[29:59] I would say that as Dan's shaking his head, it means that you're incorrect with it.

[30:04] Okay.

[30:05] What if I choose Q, the winged serpent?

[30:07] Is that a Star Trek thing?

[30:08] Okay, sure.

[30:09] It is a Star Trek thing.

[30:10] Yeah, it's because Michael Moriarty's in it and he's in Star Trek.

S4

[30:15] What about Q from this last season of Drag Race?

Stuart Wellington

[30:18] Okay.

[30:19] I think you probably need to translate that for Elliot and Dan.

[30:22] What's RuPaul's Drag Race?

[30:22] I just assumed you have a Q from the James Bond movies.

[30:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:26] Yeah, Desmond Llewellyn in drag.

[30:29] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[30:30] Now, this is a little outside the box, but I think we might be able to get some ideas here.

[30:36] Are we still in the first half of this episode?

[30:37] Yes, Central Perk from the show Friends.

[30:42] Central Perk.

[30:43] What do we like about it?

Elliott Kalan

[30:44] Now, what I like as a patron is you can order one cup of coffee or zero cups of coffee and

[30:49] just hang out all day.

[30:50] I like that as the owner.

S4

[30:51] Well, I don't know if you can.

[30:53] Clearly, their favorite customers can and they get that same table whenever they want.

[30:58] But if I walked into Central Perk, would I be able to get a table or are these people

[31:03] just hanging out there all night?

Stuart Wellington

[31:05] They sit on that same couch all the time.

[31:07] It's got to smell like their asses.

[31:09] I mean, also, they lay on their couch.

[31:10] All couches smell like someone's ass.

S4

[31:12] But they lay on their couch like they're in that house.

[31:14] That's a public couch.

[31:15] Yeah.

[31:15] It's kind of gross.

[31:16] Well, that's the thing is they take up a lot of space.

Elliott Kalan

[31:17] I feel like they're taking up way more space than a party of that size really should be

[31:21] at that table.

Dan McCoy

[31:22] Yeah, a party of five.

[31:24] They knew how to take up exactly the amount of space of five people.

[31:28] Yeah, yeah.

[31:28] Exactly.

[31:28] To take up.

Stuart Wellington

[31:29] Just the 10 of us, they knew exactly how much space they were going to take up.

[31:32] A Christian amount.

[31:34] A Christian amount.

[31:36] Charlene, how do you feel about couches in public spaces?

[31:41] I think they're gross.

[31:42] Okay.

[31:43] Interesting.

[31:44] You knew that.

[31:44] What about overstuffed ones that have lots of stuffing?

S4

[31:48] I mean, they're comfortable.

[31:51] In theory, they're kind of awesome.

[31:53] It's like you make this coffee shop feel like a living room, but a bunch of people you don't

[31:59] know are spilling stuff and sitting on this piece of fabric, and it's absorbing all the

[32:04] absorbies.

[32:05] And yeah.

[32:06] And so I can't imagine that Monica would put her face on this public couch.

[32:13] She's very germaphobic.

Stuart Wellington

[32:14] And before we move on to the next tap, before we put a pin in this, who is the best friends?

Dan McCoy

[32:24] Lisa Kudrow.

[32:25] Phoebe.

[32:25] Okay.

[32:26] Interesting.

[32:27] Vote for the best friends.

Elliott Kalan

[32:28] Yeah.

[32:28] I mean, I'd have to say, I'd also have to say Lisa Kudrow.

[32:32] There's really no competition.

[32:35] Whether we're talking about the performers or the characters.

[32:38] Yeah.

[32:39] Or the friend.

[32:40] Charlene, do you want to win?

S4

[32:42] I'm partial to Rachel.

[32:44] Char's a Rachel.

[32:46] Because of the haircut?

[32:47] Yeah.

[32:47] Yeah, the Rachel.

[32:49] Yeah, I'm just partial to the haircut.

Stuart Wellington

[32:52] Okay.

[32:53] So we've all decided.

[32:54] It's Rachel and Phoebe.

[32:55] And now we're committed to who we will be in the next life.

[32:59] Wait, Stuart, who's yours?

[33:01] Oh, I'm going to say Joey.

[33:06] Okay.

[33:06] Joey's one of them.

[33:07] He's good.

Dan McCoy

[33:08] He is one of them.

[33:08] He is one of the friends.

Stuart Wellington

[33:10] Thumbs up to that guy.

Dan McCoy

[33:12] Okay.

[33:13] Okay.

[33:13] He hung out with a chimp.

[33:16] Go on.

[33:16] That's a cat chimp.

[33:19] And Ed, right?

[33:20] Is it Ed?

[33:21] Yes, it's Ed.

[33:21] That's the baseball.

[33:22] Baseball playing chimp.

[33:23] Chimp.

[33:24] Yeah.

[33:24] What?

[33:24] Ed.

[33:25] Yeah, and that starred Matt LeBlanc as a non-chimpanzee.

Stuart Wellington

[33:32] Well, it's not a chimp in friends.

[33:33] It's a monkey.

[33:34] It's a Saturday morning cartoon show.

[33:37] But yeah, it's like a monkey.

[33:39] It's like a capuchin monkey, right?

S4

[33:40] Oh, yeah.

[33:41] I don't know that much about monkeys.

Stuart Wellington

[33:44] Wow.

[33:45] They wrote the monkey out.

S4

[33:46] Why didn't you come on this podcast?

[33:49] I told the guys you were going to be a monkey expert.

[33:53] I saw an ad for a monkey expert and I was like, yeah.

[33:56] I know a lot about the monkeys.

Stuart Wellington

[33:58] The monkeys.

[33:59] There's one named Davey Jones.

S4

[34:02] Also on the Brady Bunch.

Dan McCoy

[34:03] Yeah.

[34:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[34:05] Which is also the name of a pirate.

[34:08] And he was in a Pirates of the Caribbean with a monkey.

[34:13] It all.

[34:13] Oh.

[34:14] Wow.

[34:14] There you go.

Stuart Wellington

[34:15] Dan, I think you proved the conspiracy.

[34:17] Mind blown.

[34:19] The dots have been connected.

[34:21] We're going to take a brief break for a message from our sponsors.

S5

[34:30] People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.

Stuart Wellington

[34:34] Which is why here on Just the Zoo of Us, we judge them by so much more.

S5

[34:38] We rate animals out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics, taking into consideration each animal's true strengths.

[34:46] Like a pigeon's ability to tell a Monet from a Picasso or a polar bear's ability to play basketball.

Stuart Wellington

[34:53] Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, and more join us to share their unique insight into the animal's world.

S5

[34:59] Listen with friends and family of all ages on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

Alex Smith

[35:12] Hey, howdy, everybody.

[35:13] It's me, producer Alex, a.k.a.

[35:16] Howl Dottie.

[35:16] I have a brand new album that drops today, June 15th, the day this mini is coming out.

[35:22] And it will definitely be up right now for a listen and or a download on Bandcamp.

[35:27] And it's probably up on Spotify and Apple Music.

[35:30] It just sometimes takes a little bit longer to get through their system.

[35:33] So I can't say for sure as I'm making this promo, but it's probably up there.

[35:38] So the new album is called I Need Some Help, and it's got some great tracks on it.

[35:41] Like this, the title track, I Need Some Help, which sounds like this.

[35:45] I need some help.

[35:46] I'm losing track of all my thoughts, and it's too crowded in this world.

[35:49] I'm on a sinking ship about a mile from shore.

[35:52] And I think I might have parked right by where that tree fell, and it's going all to hell, man.

[35:56] I need some help, man.

[35:59] Man, I need some help.

[36:00] I woke up on my rooftop.

[36:03] And there's a nice little bop on it called Look Bad, Feel Bad.

[36:06] I'm out of this hell.

[36:07] I'm gonna look bad.

[36:10] You're gonna feel bad.

[36:12] You're gonna look bad.

[36:14] Feel bad.

[36:15] Look bad.

[36:16] Feel bad.

[36:20] Got a nice little groove to it, and I got kind of a political anthem on there called Netflix Should Be Free.

[36:26] Netflix should be free!

[36:29] And other shit should be less expensive.

[36:32] There's also a real fun one on there called Squirrel House.

[36:36] All that and more.

[36:52] Howl Dottie.

[36:54] Available now wherever you get your music at.

Dan McCoy

[36:57] You know, it's hard to shop for dads for Father's Day.

[37:02] This is a truism that is actually true.

[37:06] A lot of the times, you know, dads are the kind of people who have everything already, or if they want a thing, they just buy it for themselves.

[37:15] What do you get for someone like that?

[37:16] Well, why not put down the slippers, step away from the ties, and get your dad something unexpected.

[37:23] An Aura digital frame.

[37:27] You know, these frames.

[37:28] We have one in our home.

[37:30] They're beautiful, Wi-Fi-connected digital frames that allow you to share and display unlimited photos.

[37:37] You upload them from your phone or whatever and connect it to these frames, and then you've got those photos that otherwise would just live on your phone where you didn't look at them out in the world in your home.

[37:49] It's super easy to upload and share photos via the Aura app.

[37:52] If you're giving Aura as a gift, you can personalize the frame with preloaded photos and memories for your dad, perhaps for Father's Day.

[38:00] Aura displays photos in true color and automatically adjusts to the light level of the room.

[38:06] At night, when you turn out the light, your frame also turns off to save energy.

[38:10] This is a great feature.

[38:11] I've noticed it.

[38:13] I just want to say, you know, there's some digital frames out there that may look a little janky.

[38:17] This looks like a beautiful frame.

[38:20] It's been how we display, among other things, a bunch of wedding photos.

[38:26] If Audrey sees a photo from the wedding that she thinks is particularly delightful or funny, she will take a picture of that photo in the frame and text it to the friend that's featured in the photo because she's so glad to remember that memory.

[38:40] You can be glad to remember memories, too, with Aura frames.

[38:43] Right now, they've got a great deal for Father's Day.

[38:46] Listeners can save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $30 off their best-selling frame.

[38:54] That is A-U-R-A frames.com.

[38:58] This deal ends June 18.

[39:00] So do not wait.

[39:01] Use code FLOP at checkout to save.

[39:04] Terms and conditions apply.

[39:07] And also, speaking of offer code FLOP, the FLOP house is live in Boston on July 26, 2024.

[39:18] That is July 26, 2024 at 7 p.m.

[39:24] WBUR City Space.

[39:25] That's where we will be in Boston.

[39:28] July 26, 2024.

[39:31] Well, we'll be talking about a movie.

[39:33] A movie of some kind.

[39:34] I don't think anyone will be surprised to learn.

[39:36] We'll be talking about a movie.

[39:38] Still thinking about it, though.

[39:40] But we'll have great presentations ahead of time.

[39:43] We'll take some questions.

[39:45] I think I mentioned before, Stuart did a presentation about cars in Boston that really, like, I thought I was going to have a heart attack and die.

[39:54] I was laughing so hard.

[39:55] Will that happen again?

[39:56] Who knows?

[39:57] But you got to be there to see.

[39:58] So that is, again, on July 26 of this year at 7 p.m. at WBUR City Space.

[40:07] If you want tickets, they are at flophousepodcast.com slash events.

Stuart Wellington

[40:14] And we're back!

[40:16] Hooray!

[40:17] So we have done a whirlwind tour through bars and restaurants and movies and television as a way for us to familiarize ourselves with what bars and restaurants are.

[40:27] Oh, thank God.

[40:28] So today, what we're going to be doing, since this is our first meeting.

[40:31] We were figuring out what bars and restaurants are.

S4

[40:35] Yeah, yeah.

[40:36] I think we figured it out.

[40:37] The baseline knowledge.

Stuart Wellington

[40:38] Okay.

[40:38] How are we going to the real meeting?

[40:39] Like Central Park.

S4

[40:40] Obviously, that's how business meetings start.

[40:42] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[40:43] So what we're first going to do.

[40:45] So we have determined the name of our business, which is, of course, the Flophouse Bar and Grill.

[40:51] It is a—

[40:52] What about, like, the Flophouse Tavern?

[40:54] That's too bad because it's already the Flophouse Bar and Grill.

[40:57] Well, I should have known as a phase earlier.

[41:01] So the Flophouse Bar and Grill.

[41:03] Now, let's talk about vibe and theme.

[41:07] What are we going for here, guys?

[41:09] What matches the Flophouse brand?

[41:13] What do you like in a restaurant?

Elliott Kalan

[41:16] What I like in a restaurant?

[41:17] Yeah, you go into a restaurant.

[41:18] What I like in a restaurant is a lot of dark woods and brass all over the place and newspapers on the wall.

[41:24] But I don't know if that fits the Flophouse theme.

Dan McCoy

[41:26] I'm an aging person whose hearing is getting worse.

[41:31] What I like in a restaurant often is sound baffling.

[41:34] Oh, yeah.

[41:34] Okay.

[41:35] And a minimum of—

Stuart Wellington

[41:36] A lot of tapestries on the walls to absorb the sound waves.

[41:38] Loud music.

[41:38] Yeah, yeah.

[41:39] And rushes on the floor to absorb sound.

[41:42] Yeah, yeah, rushes.

Elliott Kalan

[41:43] I think the two kinds of restaurants I really like are either ones with a lot of dark woods and brass everywhere

[41:49] or ones that are kind of like countertops, like real diner metal chairs, things like that.

[41:57] I don't know if there's a way—I guess I just contain multitudes, you know,

[42:00] but I don't know if either of those is the right for the Flophouse, either a diner or a steakhouse, essentially.

Stuart Wellington

[42:03] Charlene, as our expert here, dark woods and brass and stuff, is that in our budget?

[42:10] One or the other.

[42:11] Either dark wood or brass.

[42:13] Dark wood or brass.

[42:14] That's too bad.

[42:15] Everything's brass.

[42:17] We're going to be flipping and sliding all over the floor and get down to brass tacks.

S4

[42:21] Can we do like the Rainforest Cafe and have like fountains?

[42:27] How much money do we have?

[42:29] Yeah, I mean, I think we can find the budget.

[42:32] Now you're asking him what the budget is.

[42:33] Because I got excited about making a Rainforest Cafe.

Stuart Wellington

[42:37] So did you guys ever go to the Rainforest Cafe?

Elliott Kalan

[42:40] Yes, my mother briefly owned stock in the Rainforest Cafe.

[42:44] She liked it so much.

[42:46] She invested in the company.

[42:47] She didn't get out before the crash.

[42:48] I don't think she—

[42:49] Yeah, was she on the board of directors?

[42:50] Did she—

[42:51] We lost everything, and that's why we lived under a bridge for a certain amount of time.

[42:55] Yeah, yeah.

[42:57] I've never been to a—

[42:58] I went to prom wearing a barrel.

Stuart Wellington

[43:02] What's the whole deal there at Rainforest Cafe?

[43:05] It's like you're eating a Rainforest.

[43:06] There's some animatronics.

[43:08] It sounds like rain.

[43:09] Yeah, but what are you—

[43:09] Are you eating like jungle animals?

[43:10] There's like a mist at one point, right?

Elliott Kalan

[43:12] It's like hamburgers and salad.

[43:13] The same kind of stuff you get at any sort of restaurant that's like—it's not really about the food.

[43:17] It's more about like looking at stuff.

[43:18] Oh, yeah.

[43:19] Okay.

S4

[43:20] It's like a hard rock cafe, but with rainforest instead of rocks.

[43:24] I'm really glad that they brought up hard rock cafe.

Stuart Wellington

[43:25] Or Planet Hollywood, if instead of movies, it was nature.

[43:28] Yeah.

[43:29] I'm really glad we're talking about Planet Hollywood and hard rock cafe, because I really feel like this is where the Flophouse Bard Grill needs to go, the direction we need to go.

[43:38] We need—

[43:39] So we need memorabilia is what you're saying.

[43:41] Memorabilia.

S4

[43:41] Cases of like the underpants that you guys wore to your last live show.

Dan McCoy

[43:47] Yes.

[43:48] Hinterland's Bar already has a lot of Flophouse memorabilia on the walls.

Stuart Wellington

[43:53] That's kind of true.

[43:54] Hinterland's has kind of become the Planet Hollywood for the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[43:58] When my parents came to town and we stopped briefly in at Hinterland's, I basically just like went around and like pointed to the walls where there were podcast posters.

[44:08] I'm like, look, that's my name.

[44:10] Okay, let's go.

Stuart Wellington

[44:11] And now you don't have to bring them to your apartment.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] Exactly.

[44:13] See how convenient that is?

[44:14] Dan, was it weird for them to eat—it was weird for them to have a drink in a bar that

[44:17] was not patronized by a fictional British detective?

Dan McCoy

[44:22] So some backstory to this.

[44:24] In England, in Oxford, I did a presentation partly about what big Anglophiles my parents are and how my mom, when she was—they go to Oxford all the time.

[44:35] Not all the time, but they've been there several times.

[44:37] And they're like, you should go to this pub.

[44:39] This is where Inspector Morse drinks.

[44:41] I'm like, okay, great.

[44:43] Fictional detective.

[44:44] Yeah, did you?

[44:45] Did you see his ass?

[44:46] I did not see fiction about the detective Inspector Morse or Inspector Lewis, for that matter.

[44:50] Were there asses?

[44:51] Yeah.

[44:52] No.

Stuart Wellington

[44:53] Okay, so I think we know we want to do that kind of a thing.

[45:00] That kind of a thing.

[45:02] I swear I was clear about this with Bob.

[45:05] Yes, you were.

Elliott Kalan

[45:06] That thing, that thing, that thing.

[45:07] Okay.

[45:08] So cases of memorabilia.

[45:10] It could be Flophouse memorabilia.

[45:11] It could be bad movie memorabilia.

Stuart Wellington

[45:13] I also want to get—

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] The Theodore Rex costume, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[45:16] This is going to be a little bit—well, we haven't even done an episode on Theodore Rex, so that would be kind of wild, but that's fine.

[45:22] Then the Brass costume.

[45:24] It's aspirational.

[45:25] Thank you.

[45:25] Well, we would get the fucking bust of Jon Voight from Bratz.

[45:28] Yeah, yeah.

[45:29] That's the obvious piece of memorabilia.

S4

[45:31] Do we have like a—oh, I forgot what it's called.

[45:33] You know, like what baseball team?

[45:35] A mascot?

[45:35] Like a Grimace?

[45:37] Oh, like a—

Elliott Kalan

[45:37] Yeah, do we have a Grimace, guys?

[45:39] Yeah, I think Grimace is considered the mascot of McDonald's.

[45:42] He's the first one you think of.

Stuart Wellington

[45:43] The Flophouse has a mascot.

[45:45] It's called the Flophouse house cat.

[45:46] Okay.

[45:46] So, of course, there would be a guy dressed up as the Flophouse house cat, and he'd be riding on the halfpipe inside the restaurant.

Elliott Kalan

[45:53] Occasionally go over, hug little kids, like also give uncomfortably long hugs to any young women that are there, and we'll have to tell them to please stop doing that.

[46:03] Yeah.

[46:04] Or we could have a cat dressed like a man.

Dan McCoy

[46:10] Okay.

[46:10] I'm actually into this, too.

[46:12] Yeah.

[46:13] So, like a real cat.

[46:14] Like a real cat, but dressed like a man.

Stuart Wellington

[46:17] So, like pants with a hole for his tail to stick through?

[46:21] Yeah.

[46:22] And like a shirt?

S4

[46:23] Yes.

[46:23] Okay.

[46:23] A little shirt.

[46:24] A little shirt with a tie?

[46:26] Yeah.

[46:26] I mean, it depends on, like, what our theme night is.

[46:29] Like, if we're having a Hawaiian night.

[46:31] Oh, so he changes outfits.

[46:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:33] So, that's our version of the Bob's Burgers specials is what outfit the cat is wearing at the restaurant.

Dan McCoy

[46:38] Can we have three animatronics?

[46:41] A tie-in.

[46:42] Like, one of each of us, and we sing songs?

[46:44] Yeah.

[46:44] Put us on a little show.

[46:46] I mean, we're essentially recreating Chuck E. Cheese.

Elliott Kalan

[46:48] This is convergent evolution, but it's just a Flophouse version of Chuck E. Cheese.

Stuart Wellington

[46:52] Every restaurant eventually becomes Chuck E. Cheese.

[46:54] Yeah, that's the thing.

[46:55] That's the way of technology cyclical, right?

[46:59] Yeah.

[47:00] Every time animatronic bands are going to come back in a big way.

Elliott Kalan

[47:02] Yeah, ever since they put those animatronic bands into Eleven Madison Park, it just proves

[47:06] that all restaurants virtually become Chuck E. Cheese.

[47:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:09] Now, I heard that they were doing away with the animatronic stuff from Chuck E. Cheese because

[47:13] they're like, kids just want to look at screens.

[47:15] So, does that mean we could get those shits for cheap?

[47:18] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:18] People do, and they, like, reprogram them.

[47:20] It's like a whole, like, weird hobby.

[47:23] I mean, I say weird.

[47:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[47:25] Very judgy, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[47:26] For God's sake, if I, you know, heaven knows, if I was the sort of person who had all the

[47:32] money in space, I would, out in the garage, I would have a weird animatronic robot that's

[47:36] saying.

Stuart Wellington

[47:37] And then Audrey's like, you keep talking, you keep mentioning this friend that I've never

[47:41] met, and Dan's like, uh.

[47:43] Me and Chuck E. are always hanging out.

Elliott Kalan

[47:45] I can hear the friend talking to you in the other room, but when I open the door, there's

[47:48] no one, there's just a curtain.

[47:50] I don't understand.

Dan McCoy

[47:50] You keep saying something about you won't follow its directions to kill, but making me nervous.

Elliott Kalan

[47:56] Dan, I'm going to set aside the fact that when you said, if I had all the money in space,

[47:59] I thought you said all the money in space, and I wanted to be like, Dan, I hate to break

[48:03] it to you, there's no money in space.

[48:05] But it's only here on Earth.

Stuart Wellington

[48:05] There's got some minerals out there that are worth something.

Elliott Kalan

[48:07] You have meteors and shit, dude.

[48:09] It's valuable resources, but it's not like you can, you have to mine those, bring them

[48:13] back.

[48:14] Like coins.

[48:15] You just can't crack them open and find change inside.

Stuart Wellington

[48:17] You know, things never fall out of astronauts' pockets while they're zoom around.

Elliott Kalan

[48:21] That's actually a really good thing.

[48:22] And they're like still floating.

[48:24] I'm willing to bet that nobody is carrying small change in space.

[48:36] But I think-

Stuart Wellington

[48:39] Well, you're at the fucking spaceport and you buy something with your bills.

[48:43] Yeah.

[48:43] And then they give you change back and you're like, what the fuck am I going to do with

[48:46] this?

[48:47] Yeah, that does have to.

[48:47] And you're like, am I going to donate it to troops?

Dan McCoy

[48:49] If it's all, literally all the money in space, probably you'd scratch up a couple of bucks.

Elliott Kalan

[48:54] A couple of bucks.

[48:55] Well, is that, okay.

[48:55] But animatronics.

[48:57] Let's get back to that.

[48:57] Okay, we've got all the money in space.

[48:58] We could buy these animatronics.

[49:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:00] But you're at the spaceport and they give you your change, right?

[49:02] And you're like holding onto it.

[49:03] And there is a little cup and it's like donate for the troops.

[49:06] And you're like, yeah, but are they really going to give this money to the troops?

[49:08] Or are they just going to –

Elliott Kalan

[49:09] Well, and also like I don't – I guess I approve of the Starship Troopers fight against

[49:13] the bugs, but I don't appreciate the tactics that they're using, you know?

[49:17] Yeah, and they're like a little too Nazi-like for my taste.

[49:20] Yeah, how do I support the troopers without supporting the war, you know?

Dan McCoy

[49:23] I mean, you can't control where your taxes go.

[49:24] That's the thing.

[49:26] Some of us are going to go to the –

Elliott Kalan

[49:27] And how mad do you think Guinan would be if to get rid of some of that change, someone

[49:32] tipped in change instead of tipping with bills?

[49:35] Would she be mad about that?

[49:37] Char, what's your experience with getting tipped in change?

Stuart Wellington

[49:39] I do not care for it.

[49:41] Okay.

[49:42] Have you ever been tipped in change before?

S4

[49:45] I mean, if I'm tipped like $5.25, that's fine.

[49:51] But if you're giving me like the quarter, then –

Dan McCoy

[49:54] Here's a question.

[49:55] Start rolling.

[49:55] Yeah.

[49:56] If someone's tipping you, would you rather have $5 or $5.25?

S4

[50:04] I mean, sure, I'd rather have $5.25.

Dan McCoy

[50:07] No, I'm just curious.

[50:09] I'm curious.

[50:09] Would you rather be tipped by –

[50:10] There's a point at which it's just like I just don't want the coin, you know?

[50:12] Yeah.

[50:13] Leave the coin.

Elliott Kalan

[50:13] Now, would you rather be tipped by one duck the size of a horse or by 100 horses the size

[50:18] of ducks?

[50:19] That's actually a good question, Charlene.

S4

[50:20] Oh, man.

[50:20] That is a really good question.

[50:24] I feel like – wait.

[50:25] 100 ducks that look like a horse?

Elliott Kalan

[50:28] Yeah.

[50:28] You know what?

[50:29] Never mind.

[50:30] I mean, the horse is such a change for a big time.

Dan McCoy

[50:33] The 100, right?

[50:34] Because they're going to –

[50:35] Ducks wearing a horse costume?

[50:36] People, so like –

[50:38] It's like a dollar a duck.

[50:39] Yeah, exactly.

[50:40] Yeah, but they're just sharing one drink because they're so small.

S4

[50:43] And 100 straws?

[50:45] Yeah.

[50:45] What about the turtles?

Dan McCoy

[50:47] I'm just assuming that the more patrons, the more tip.

[50:51] Because no matter how big that duck is, like, they're not necessarily going to tip more

[50:55] on the drink.

[50:56] That duck's like too scary.

[50:57] He'll just tip 100 bucks.

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] He doesn't tip at all.

[50:58] Yeah.

[50:59] Yeah.

[50:59] The what?

Stuart Wellington

[51:01] Scrooge McDuck, he doesn't tip at all.

Elliott Kalan

[51:02] Scrooge McDuck, he would reach into the tip jar while you weren't looking and pull money.

[51:07] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[51:08] Yeah, and he would be like, everything's so expensive here.

[51:12] Why are they charging so much?

[51:13] I can make this at home for much less money.

Dan McCoy

[51:16] Yeah.

[51:17] He'd tip you the moth that comes out of this coin purse.

S4

[51:20] Tell Tigger, don't let in Scrooge McDuck.

[51:22] Yeah, yeah, I'll write that down.

Elliott Kalan

[51:23] That's good advice.

[51:24] That's good advice, yeah.

[51:25] Is Tigger going to have a list?

[51:26] You put his picture up.

[51:27] It says, do not let this duck in.

[51:28] Yeah, his picture up.

Elliott Kalan

[51:28] Do not serve.

[51:30] You should have that at either Hinterlands or at a…

[51:34] Do not serve with Scrooge McDuck.

S4

[51:36] Do not serve with Scrooge McDuck up behind the bar, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:39] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[51:41] So, now that we have a kind of understanding as to what our vibe is going to be like.

[51:47] Sure.

[51:48] Yeah, definitely.

[51:49] Let's talk.

[51:49] Cuisine.

[51:52] Okay.

[51:53] I know we're mainly a bar first.

[51:55] That was my question.

[51:56] But as I mentioned, it's bar and grill.

[51:58] And you know what?

[51:58] Every place needs a little bit of food.

[52:00] You need nibbles these days.

S4

[52:01] I'm going to go out on a limb and I'm going to say French fries.

Stuart Wellington

[52:06] Okay.

[52:06] So, we definitely have to have French fries.

[52:09] So, what kind of food do you like to eat in a restaurant, Charlene?

[52:12] What?

[52:13] Plain.

[52:14] Plain.

[52:14] Okay.

[52:14] Regular.

[52:15] Regular.

[52:16] Something plain and regular.

[52:17] Okay.

[52:17] Regular.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] Okay.

[52:18] So, you eat the same way that my five-year-old eats.

[52:21] Uh-huh.

[52:22] Sure.

[52:23] So, here's the only issue with French fries.

[52:25] I think French fries, great.

[52:26] Except if we're going to have French cooking, we're going to need a French chef.

[52:29] Oh, French.

[52:29] That means having a guy with a rat in his hair.

[52:31] That's a good point.

[52:31] I don't want a guy with a rat in his hair in the kitchen.

[52:33] French toast.

S4

[52:35] Yeah.

[52:36] All right.

[52:36] So, it all came around.

[52:39] All right.

[52:39] No French fries.

Dan McCoy

[52:40] What's the highest profit margin on?

[52:41] Like, I don't know.

[52:43] Popcorn?

[52:44] We just sold some saltines or something.

Stuart Wellington

[52:46] Saltines.

[52:48] Oh, like what's the bar?

[52:51] Oh, that bar that is…

[52:52] McSorley's.

[52:53] Yeah.

[52:53] It's just like onions and saltines.

[52:55] Yeah.

[52:55] They serve like a sleeve of saltines.

[52:57] Saltines, rather.

[52:58] Sliced onions and some beer cheese.

[53:01] Yeah.

[53:01] Do they have beer cheese?

[53:03] Yeah.

[53:03] It's like horseradish, beer, and cheese.

[53:07] Like, blended in a beer style.

Dan McCoy

[53:08] Their slogan is, you're going to smell when you leave.

[53:12] Hey, it's been working.

Elliott Kalan

[53:13] They've been open for 160 years or something.

Stuart Wellington

[53:16] No, wait.

[53:16] Actually, wait.

[53:17] They're not wrong.

[53:17] They don't do the…

[53:18] They do slices of cheddar cheese, and then they do just their mustard, right?

[53:23] Their super spicy mustard.

[53:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:25] I mean, if they get away with just serving slices of mild cheddar cheese and really upcharging

[53:30] that, that will make a lot of money off of it.

[53:31] Yeah.

S4

[53:32] What about the bathrooms?

Elliott Kalan

[53:35] Okay.

[53:35] We haven't talked about…

S4

[53:37] We've talked about vibes, but we didn't talk about the vibes in the bathroom.

[53:38] If we're feeding people only cheese, I feel like we might have a bathroom situation.

Stuart Wellington

[53:42] So, we're going to need a bathroom attendant, right?

[53:45] Oh, yeah.

[53:45] Of course.

S4

[53:46] Okay.

[53:46] I mean, that could be Rabbit's job.

[53:47] And a wiper.

Stuart Wellington

[53:48] That could be…

[53:49] That does feel like Rabbit's job, yeah.

[53:51] Or Eeyore.

Elliott Kalan

[53:52] Eeyore seems like he would put up with being a bathroom attendant.

Stuart Wellington

[53:54] Yeah.

[53:55] Eeyore.

[53:55] Yeah, you got to go…

[53:56] You got to ice up those urinals, right?

[53:58] Now, why do they ice up those urinals?

[54:00] Char, why do they ice up urinals?

[54:01] I have no idea.

[54:03] I think it's because it looks cool.

[54:04] It does look…

Elliott Kalan

[54:05] I mean, it is…

[54:06] I can't speak for you guys.

[54:06] Does it help the smell?

[54:07] There is something very satisfying about shooting a hot stream of urine at ice and watching

[54:12] it melt.

[54:13] It is satisfying.

[54:14] It feels like you have some control over the world and power over reality.

[54:17] Yeah.

S4

[54:18] Maybe it's just…

Elliott Kalan

[54:19] You're unleashing the basic forces of physics through your penis onto the ice.

Dan McCoy

[54:22] My superpower is like it melts things with my urinals.

S4

[54:27] I have a theory.

[54:28] Okay.

[54:29] I think it's to give you guys something to aim at so that you're not pissing all over the

[54:33] floor.

Elliott Kalan

[54:33] They definitely do that.

[54:34] They put those fly decals into urinals so you can aim at it.

[54:37] And I don't like that because I don't want to be peeing on a fly.

[54:39] That seems cruel.

[54:40] You know?

S4

[54:41] But it's not a real fly.

Elliott Kalan

[54:43] No.

[54:43] But still.

S4

[54:44] They like catch a fly and stick it on the…

Stuart Wellington

[54:45] It's like when you go to a shooting range and they're like, do you want like a blank

[54:50] target to shoot at or this giant fly creature?

[54:53] And you're like, give me the blank one.

[54:54] I don't want to shoot this fly.

[54:55] I don't want to hurt that innocent fly creature.

[54:57] This Jeff Goldblum fly creature.

[55:00] Yep.

[55:00] That would be a pretty niche like shooting gallery target.

[55:05] Yeah.

[55:06] I think you would.

[55:07] Not a lot of people are going in asking for the man fly.

[55:10] Although I feel like that's a pretty appropriate…

[55:13] Like, you don't have to feel bad for doing it, right?

[55:15] Because he's a monster at this point.

Dan McCoy

[55:16] Well, I mean, I wouldn't say…

[55:18] It's more that he wants to be put out of his misery at that point.

[55:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:22] He's asking…

[55:22] He's helping.

[55:23] As opposed to the hoodlum targets, which I don't like so much.

Stuart Wellington

[55:29] Yeah.

[55:29] Those…

[55:29] Or, yeah.

[55:30] Or former presidents or all the other horrible shit that people…

Elliott Kalan

[55:34] Yeah.

[55:34] Or the one where it's like Lady Liberty holding a baby.

[55:37] I don't want to shoot at that.

[55:39] Don't give me that as a target in the shooting range.

Dan McCoy

[55:41] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[55:41] That feels weird.

[55:42] That feels weird.

Dan McCoy

[55:43] I mean, honestly, it's very weird that anyone at a shooting range would pick that one.

Stuart Wellington

[55:47] Or that one where Barney Rubble is holding a box cutter to Wilma's neck and you're like,

[55:53] what the fuck?

[55:54] I got to shoot my best friend?

[55:56] Yeah.

[55:56] It's a tragic situation.

[55:57] You're feeling very conflicted.

Elliott Kalan

[55:59] I somehow find that more upsetting than if it was porn depicting Barney Rubble.

Stuart Wellington

[56:05] Okay.

[56:06] So, let's get back to food, everybody.

[56:08] So, are we talking…

[56:09] Are we going to be one of those places that gives you a free pizza every time you order

[56:12] a beer?

[56:13] Every time?

[56:14] Every…

[56:14] Am I made of money?

[56:15] How big is this pizza?

[56:16] Am I made of pizza?

[56:16] This is a loss leader at this point.

[56:19] Heavy loss leader.

[56:21] No.

[56:21] So, if it's the Flophouse restaurant, obviously, we should throw in some of our favorites.

[56:25] So, like, Dan's boy bait would be in the dessert menu.

[56:29] Elliot's fried chicken.

[56:30] Yeah.

[56:31] What would we call Elliot's fried chicken?

[56:33] Would it be like Elliot's finger-licking fried chicken dinner?

[56:38] I think you got it.

[56:39] Yeah.

[56:42] Wow, I no-skoped it, huh?

[56:43] I just did it right out.

S4

[56:44] Do we offer a prize for whoever can get their bones the cleanest?

[56:48] Yeah.

[56:49] Wait, do they get their, like…

Stuart Wellington

[56:50] Do they get a free meal?

[56:51] Do they clean that shit?

[56:52] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[56:53] You call it, like, Elliot's bone-crunching, gristle-sucking fried chicken.

[56:57] Yeah.

[56:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:58] And, of course, we'll sell Stewart's plastic tubs of nuts and fruit.

Stuart Wellington

[57:06] I mean, you need to have fucking appies, right?

[57:09] You want some appies.

Elliott Kalan

[57:10] Yeah, you want a great app when you're out drinking, just a tub of nuts and chopped fruit.

[57:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:16] You want a smoothie outside of the…

[57:18] Raw or roasted almonds.

[57:18] You want to drink it out of this takeout container.

Stuart Wellington

[57:21] Yeah, yeah, well, yeah, drinking everything the bear style out of a giant plastic cork container.

Elliott Kalan

[57:27] Dan, I think maybe…

[57:28] Are you bringing fresh-baked bread to the restaurant bar?

Dan McCoy

[57:31] I guess I gotta.

[57:32] Yeah.

[57:33] I guess I'm committed now.

Stuart Wellington

[57:35] Yeah, I mean, I feel like baked goods is a key component.

Elliott Kalan

[57:38] Yeah, what kind of baked goods are you serving?

[57:40] Kind of like, what, Parker rolls or something?

[57:43] Oh, those are good.

[57:44] Parker rolls, Peter Parker rolls.

[57:46] Peter Parker rolls.

[57:47] They have a lot of responsibility.

[57:48] Yeah, have you made Parker Brothers rolls before?

[57:51] They've got a little spinner on the top so you can tell how many of them you're going to eat.

[57:54] Yeah.

[57:55] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[57:55] I'll sell my famous zucchini bread as eaten by Jon Stewart, it'll say.

[58:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:00] Wow.

[58:01] That's old.

[58:02] In parentheses, not this piece.

Dan McCoy

[58:04] Not this piece.

Elliott Kalan

[58:04] Other past zucchini bread.

[58:08] This zucchini bread's great-grandfather was eaten by Jon Stewart.

[58:12] Yeah.

S4

[58:13] What food am I known for eating?

[58:15] Yeah, what food are you known for eating?

[58:16] I don't think I'm known for eating a food.

Stuart Wellington

[58:19] Outside of bread.

[58:20] Oh, yeah, bread.

[58:21] Not a lot of people are known for eating.

[58:23] Plain noodles with a little bit of butter.

[58:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:26] It has a song already.

[58:27] Yeah, there's already a song.

[58:29] Not a lot of people are known for eating specific foods.

[58:31] I have fried chicken.

[58:32] The Ninja Turtles have pizza.

Stuart Wellington

[58:34] Oh, they're known for eating pizza?

[58:37] But they're turtles.

[58:38] Turtles don't eat pizza.

[58:39] Yeah, you must be mistaken.

Dan McCoy

[58:40] They eat, like, lettuce.

Stuart Wellington

[58:43] I forgot.

[58:44] The Ninja Turtles are famous for eating lettuce.

[58:46] Also, ninjas are not known for eating Italian food, right?

[58:50] I thought that's true.

[58:50] They're also not known for being turtles.

[58:52] Or mutants.

[58:54] This whole thing is unraveling.

Dan McCoy

[58:55] Or teens, for that matter.

[58:56] I mean, some ninjas probably were teens, but by and large.

Elliott Kalan

[58:59] You'd have to be the Mozart of being a ninja to be that good as a teen.

[59:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:03] And I'm more of a Salieri of being a ninja.

[59:05] Yeah, you work hard, but you just can't get it done.

[59:07] Yeah.

[59:07] But I'm a fucking A-plus hater.

[59:12] So, now that we've decided on the menu, that we finalized our menu, no questions asked.

[59:17] The bear, get the fuck out of here.

[59:19] It's time for us to do one final pass on our cocktail menu.

[59:23] And now, normally, you might think, let's be, like, super mixologist and sit down and carefully measure everything and come up with some originals.

[59:33] That's bullshit.

[59:34] Let's just do riffs on classics, okay?

[59:36] We're going to take some classic cocktails and just rename them.

[59:39] Dan Hatton.

[59:40] Dan Hatton.

Elliott Kalan

[59:41] Dan Hatton, you already did.

[59:42] Dan Hatton's even better than, I was going to suggest the Dr. Manhattan, which is a Manhattan that Dan dips his penis into.

[59:49] After a pain he hit blue.

[59:51] So, like, if we were to put.

[59:52] After a pain he hit blue, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[59:54] If we were to put a daiquiri on the menu, what would we call our, the Flophouse official daiquiri?

[1:00:00] The snackery, and it's got chips in it.

[1:00:03] Okay, that's not bad.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:07] The Dak Shepardery, and it's.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:10] Was Mariel Hemingway ever in one of our bad movies?

[1:00:13] It could be the Mariel Hemingway daiquiri, but I don't think we covered any of her work.

[1:00:18] Okay, let's put a pin in daiquiri.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:19] What about a Bloody Mary?

[1:00:21] What will the Flophouse Bloody Mary be, and what additional garnish will we throw on top of it?

[1:00:27] An entire roast pheasant?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:30] Probably an entire roast pheasant.

[1:00:32] Yeah, that sounds good.

[1:00:33] I would like to, just to cross-mode, I'd call it the Bloody Harry as a tie-in with my character, Maniac Harry from the Maniac of the Year.

[1:00:39] Oh, yeah, there you go.

[1:00:41] You wrote a comic book?

[1:00:43] I did.

[1:00:44] Although, if it's called Bloody Harry, people will think it's about, it's that it's Debbie Harry as a serial killer, which would be cool.

[1:00:51] But it's not Flophouse related, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:53] And also, like, you might get worried that people will think there's hair in the cocktail.

[1:00:57] Yeah, Bloody Harry wouldn't sound very good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:58] So maybe it's just like a long, maybe it's like a long garlic bread just stuffed into it.

[1:01:02] That's the, that's the garnish.

S4

[1:01:05] I was thinking, um, there will be Bloody Mary.

[1:01:09] Oh.

[1:01:10] I know a movie, you guys.

[1:01:12] What about the Bloody Mankey?

[1:01:14] Oh, yeah.

[1:01:16] That's better.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:17] Yeah.

[1:01:17] What's going to be the garnish in the Bloody Mankey?

[1:01:21] That's a good question.

[1:01:22] Something that is pretending to be much younger than it actually is.

[1:01:25] Oh, okay.

[1:01:26] Like a pickle?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:29] That's pretty good.

[1:01:32] Okay.

[1:01:34] We got a couple more, and we're going to wrap this up.

[1:01:36] Since this menu is coming together, we have a Dan Hatton, we have a Bloody Mankey.

[1:01:41] What about a grasshopper?

[1:01:44] Char, can you describe a grasshopper to Elliot, who's never drank one before?

[1:01:47] No.

S4

[1:01:49] Grasshopper is made with white cream to cacao and green cream to minf.

[1:01:55] Oh, that's where the grasshopper part comes in.

[1:01:57] Yes.

[1:01:58] That's, those are the flavors.

[1:01:59] It's minty and sweet and creamy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:01] Flavor profile.

[1:02:02] Yeah, sweet and creamy like a grasshopper.

[1:02:04] Yeah.

[1:02:05] Exactly.

[1:02:06] I only know about grasshoppers from the joke about them, so it is good to know what's

[1:02:10] actually in it.

[1:02:11] What's the joke?

[1:02:12] That a grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, we got a drink here named after

[1:02:15] you and the grasshopper goes, really, you got a drink named Murray?

[1:02:18] Oh, shit.

[1:02:19] It's an old joke.

[1:02:20] Yeah.

[1:02:21] So maybe we'll just call it Murray.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:22] And I think Kermit orders one in Muppet Movie too.

[1:02:25] Okay.

[1:02:26] So, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:27] So, we're talking about a minty, creamy cocktail.

[1:02:32] What is minty, creamy, and flop house related?

S4

[1:02:39] The househopper?

[1:02:41] Okay.

[1:02:42] Or like.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:42] The grasshouser.

[1:02:43] Or like.

S4

[1:02:44] The coalhouser.

[1:02:45] Like a Kermit the Frog or something?

[1:02:48] Kermit the Frog or something.

[1:02:49] He's green and minty.

[1:02:51] He's green and minty.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:54] I presume.

[1:02:55] You know, if he brushes his teeth.

[1:02:57] You'll have to ask his piggy to find out.

[1:02:59] Yeah.

[1:03:00] And if he has teeth, it would be very alarming because he is a frog.

[1:03:03] That's true.

[1:03:04] They don't have them usually.

[1:03:05] A felt frog.

[1:03:06] Do grasshoppers have teeth?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:08] No.

[1:03:08] They do like mandibles or some shit.

[1:03:10] Mandibles, yeah.

[1:03:10] So, we've decided.

[1:03:12] It's called the, what?

[1:03:13] Kermit the Frog?

[1:03:15] Kermit the Frog or something.

[1:03:17] Yeah.

[1:03:18] And our final cocktail.

[1:03:19] You got to have a hot cocktail.

[1:03:20] You need a hot drink these days.

[1:03:22] Let's do a play on an Irish coffee.

[1:03:25] Hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:27] Okay.

[1:03:27] So, that's a coffee with a shamrock shake poured into it, right?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:30] Well, yep.

[1:03:31] And in this case, I'm going to suggest we tip our hat to a little movie starring Jamie Dornan.

[1:03:37] And we threw a little bit of, we threw a little bit of honey in there.

[1:03:41] Okay.

[1:03:41] Oh.

[1:03:42] Sure.

[1:03:42] Because he was a bee.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:44] And some time.

[1:03:45] And a spring of time.

[1:03:46] Only wild time from a mountain.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:47] And we call it the wild mountain time.

[1:03:50] Yeah.

[1:03:50] Oh, man.

[1:03:50] We nailed it.

[1:03:51] Okay.

[1:03:52] So, I feel like this is a pretty good meeting.

[1:03:54] I've already taken money out of your accounts to pay for this meeting.

[1:03:58] Okay.

[1:03:58] I'll be talking to my bank about that.

[1:04:01] And to pay for our bar expert.

[1:04:03] Speaking of bar expert, Charlene, do you have anything you would like to promote?

S4

[1:04:08] Depending on when this comes out, we have our pride party.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:13] Friday.

[1:04:14] This actually comes.

[1:04:15] Yeah.

[1:04:16] It will already have passed.

S4

[1:04:17] We had our pride party and it was awesome.

[1:04:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:21] That's what I like to hear.

S4

[1:04:23] But, you know, come to minis.

[1:04:24] Come to Hinterlands.

[1:04:26] Stuart won't be there.

[1:04:28] Maybe.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:30] Probably not.

[1:04:31] So, this has been a Flophouse mini.

[1:04:33] You heard some ideas.

[1:04:34] You cannot steal them.

[1:04:35] They are all legally our ideas.

[1:04:37] We'll be back next week talking about a movie of some type.

[1:04:40] Kind of like what we did today, but more focusing on the movie.

[1:04:44] And less talking about restaurant ideas and mall activities.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:47] Slightly less completely chaotic.

[1:04:49] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:51] I take that as a compliment, Dan.

[1:04:54] So, for the Flophouse, this is, for the Flophouse, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Podcast Network,

[1:05:00] where you can hear plenty of other good podcasts.

[1:05:02] And this specific podcast has been produced by Alexander Smith, who does a great job.

[1:05:07] You can find him as Howell Doughty on various social media, and I believe he has a new album out.

[1:05:12] But for the Flophouse, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:05:15] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:05:16] I've been Elia Kalin.

S4

[1:05:18] I've been Charlene Wellington.

[1:05:20] Okay.

[1:05:21] Bye.

S4

[1:05:22] Bye.

[1:05:24] Maximum Fun.

[1:05:29] A worker-owned network.

[1:05:31] Of artist-owned shows.

[1:05:32] Supported.

[1:05:33] Directly.

[1:05:34] By you.

FH Mini 105 - The Flop House Bar & Grill

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