FH Mini 104 - Computer Games

[0:00] Hello, everybody out there in podcast land.

Elliott Kalan

[0:07] This is Elliot Kalin of the Flophouse Podcast,

[0:09] here to tell you it's time for another Flophouse mini.

[0:13] You know that on most weeks, and by most I mean half of the weeks,

[0:16] we talk about a bad movie that we've watched.

[0:19] But on the other half of the weeks, sometimes, which is half,

[0:22] we talk about whatever we want, baby, at whatever length we want, baby.

[0:28] And today, that's exactly what we're going to do.

[0:30] I'm hosting today.

[0:31] I'm the master programmer of this program,

[0:34] as you'll see that fits the theme of what I'm talking about.

[0:37] And I'm joined today by my two associates, and their names are, guys, say your names.

Dan McCoy

[0:42] I'm Dan McCoy, and I'm just so proud of you for summarizing the mini concept

[0:48] as clunkily as I usually do.

Elliott Kalan

[0:51] I would say 95% as clunkily as you do.

[0:54] And Stuart, what's your name, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[0:57] I'm Stuart.

[0:59] I'm Stuart Wellington of the Flophouse Podcast.

[1:01] Hi, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] Hi.

[1:03] Now, Dan, before we start recording, you were just ready to unveil the new Flophouse jingle.

[1:09] Would you mind debuting it for the listeners?

[1:11] No, just do it again.

[1:13] Or should that be at the end of the episode as a little treat?

Dan McCoy

[1:15] I think that should be at the end, because then Alex can just cut it out

[1:20] and use what I already did, because I can't remember it anymore.

[1:22] Okay, good.

Elliott Kalan

[1:23] So stay tuned through this episode for the new Flophouse jingle.

[1:25] We'll be using it in all of our official promotions,

[1:27] and when we have a Super Bowl ad and things like that.

[1:31] So get ready.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31] We've obviously selected it because it has slipped out of Dan's mind as soon as he did it.

[1:35] Yeah, that's the...

[1:36] That's the kind of earworm we provide.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38] The hallmark of a good jingle is it's instantly forgettable.

[1:41] No, Dan, don't even bother.

[1:43] Dan, you'll never be able to recapture perfection.

[1:45] Okay.

[1:45] So just stay tuned to the end.

[1:47] Don't skip ahead to the end of the episode.

[1:48] Don't do that, and then skip back.

[1:50] Just wait.

[1:50] Wait your turn, because we're going to have some fun before then.

[1:52] We're going to have some fun today, guys.

[1:54] We're going to play some games, and I know how much you guys love games.

[1:57] So last week, we covered the movie...

[1:59] I only like Wicked Games.

[2:01] Oh.

[2:01] Chris Isaac.

[2:02] Really?

Stuart Wellington

[2:04] What about Funny Games?

[2:06] Nope.

[2:07] It's not Wicked.

[2:08] It's not Wicked.

[2:09] I'm not into it.

Dan McCoy

[2:10] Seems to be the opposite of the dossier I assembled on you, Stuart.

[2:15] Jesse, you're a gamesman.

Elliott Kalan

[2:17] And not a Chris Isaac fan.

[2:19] Yeah.

[2:19] Yeah, I don't know.

[2:21] We were wrong.

[2:22] Last week, we covered the movie The Matrix Revolutions,

[2:25] which, in some ways, is kind of the ultimate computer movie.

[2:29] I feel like The Matrix movies are the ultimate computer movie series

[2:31] because it combines all the different kinds of computer movies.

[2:34] Because the way I see it, and this is my taxonomy,

[2:37] there are four kinds of computer movies.

[2:39] Okay.

[2:39] There are, number one, evil computer movies.

[2:43] Right.

[2:44] Number two, computer world movies,

[2:46] where someone gets sucked into a digital world.

[2:49] Uh-huh.

[2:49] Number three, computer people movies,

[2:51] where someone comes out of a computer,

[2:54] or someone has a computer in their brain,

[2:56] or something like that.

[2:56] Like virtuosity.

[2:57] Yeah, exactly.

[2:58] And number four,

[2:59] movies where people just use a computer for anything,

[3:02] for whatever.

[3:02] You know, just type on a computer.

[3:04] And The Matrix has all these.

Dan McCoy

[3:04] Stuart says, like, virtuosity to me,

[3:07] as if virtuosity wasn't foremost in my brain at all times.

Elliott Kalan

[3:12] So, The Matrix has all these different aspects of computer movies,

[3:15] but there are a lot of other computer movies out there

[3:17] that don't try to have it all,

[3:19] that, like, do one or the other,

[3:20] or maybe just a couple.

[3:21] So, I thought today we would explore each kind of computer movie

[3:24] with a series of games patterned around each kind of movie

[3:27] in an episode I'm calling Computer Games.

Dan McCoy

[3:32] Computer Games.

[3:36] Wow.

[3:37] Yep.

[3:37] A million dollar idea.

Elliott Kalan

[3:38] Now, you guys have plenty of experience with computer games, right?

[3:42] What's your history with computer games

[3:43] before we get into these computer games?

Dan McCoy

[3:45] So, specifically, we're talking about games for, like, a computer,

[3:48] not just...

[3:49] Yeah, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[3:49] What the fuck do you mean computer games means?

[3:52] Well, as opposed to, like, an arcade...

[3:52] You put a chess board on top of a monitor?

[3:55] No.

[3:55] Does an arcade game count?

Dan McCoy

[3:57] No.

[3:57] Not an arcade game.

[3:58] No.

[3:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] No.

[3:59] I mean, my...

[4:00] A game on a home computer.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Yeah.

[4:02] I played a lot of those Sierra games,

[4:03] like King's Quest,

[4:05] and there were a couple of...

[4:06] That's pretty cool.

[4:07] There were a couple of mystery ones

[4:08] with, like, kind of a Clara Bow-style

[4:10] flapper detective that were fun.

[4:13] Sure.

[4:13] And, you know, I played that Indiana Jones

[4:16] and the Fate of Atlantis or whatever.

[4:17] Yeah.

[4:18] A lot of great LucasArts games.

[4:20] LucasArts.

Stuart Wellington

[4:20] Played some Road War 2000 as a kid.

[4:23] Played some...

[4:24] Played some Might and Magic.

[4:27] Played some...

[4:28] Let's see what else I did.

[4:29] Doom?

[4:30] Played some Fallout and Fallout 2.

[4:32] Mm-hmm.

[4:33] Played some Doom.

[4:34] Played some Quake.

[4:35] Had some LAN parties playing Quake.

[4:37] Did you guys ever do that?

[4:38] Do a LAN party and play Quake?

[4:39] No.

[4:40] We never had a LAN party.

[4:41] No.

Elliott Kalan

[4:43] I...

[4:43] And I also was a big computer gamer for a while.

[4:46] Dark Forces was a big one for me.

[4:48] Oh, hell yeah.

[4:48] Did you see...

Stuart Wellington

[4:49] Did you ever play Part 2 with the filmed little...

[4:52] I did.

[4:53] Interstitials?

[4:53] Oh, hell yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:54] I didn't like once they made him a Jedi.

[4:56] I didn't like that.

[4:56] I liked him just being a grunt.

[4:58] But, uh...

[4:59] The...

[4:59] Kyle Katarn the grunt?

[5:01] Yeah.

[5:01] You didn't like Kyle Katarn the Jedi?

[5:04] I mean, there's a lot of Jedi stuff in Star Wars.

[5:06] Like, once...

[5:07] Not everyone has to be a Jedi.

[5:08] Although now, in the new Star Wars movies,

[5:09] no one is a Jedi,

[5:10] unless you're in the Skywalker bloodline.

[5:12] So I guess maybe it was good that Kyle Katarn was a Jedi.

[5:14] Anyway, but I also played a lot of Command & Conquer.

[5:16] That was very big in my house.

[5:18] And, of course, the holy trinity for me of point-and-click games.

[5:23] Sam & Max hit the road.

[5:25] Grim Fandango.

[5:27] And the Discworld computer game,

[5:28] which is how I got into the Discworld novels,

[5:31] by Terry Pratchett, which I love.

[5:33] So we're going to talk about some Discworld novels today

[5:35] and see how well you guys stack up

[5:37] in your knowledge of Terry Pratchett's fantasy world.

[5:40] No.

[5:41] Guys, we're not playing games on computers.

[5:43] We're being accepted.

[5:43] Yeah, we're not playing games on computers.

[5:45] We're playing games about computers today.

[5:48] So this is...

[5:48] Cool, cool, cool.

[5:49] ...an episode called...

[5:49] That digression was irrelevant.

[5:51] Unnecessary.

[5:52] What we call a filler segment.

[5:55] So computer games,

[5:56] this episode is brought to you by computers,

[5:58] the things that make our lives better

[6:00] in ways that almost make up

[6:02] for how much worse they make our lives

[6:04] on the other side of things.

[6:05] Yeah, yeah.

[6:05] So round one,

[6:06] we're going to be talking about evil computer movies.

[6:09] In evil computer movies,

[6:10] a computer turns evil in some way.

[6:12] Maybe it's their programming that gets corrupted.

[6:14] Maybe it's because they're taking their programming

[6:16] too literally.

[6:17] Maybe they're just evil,

[6:18] like the devil's inside of them.

[6:19] I don't know.

[6:19] The point is they're evil computers

[6:20] and they represent humanity's fears of technology

[6:22] or whatever.

[6:23] And I want to make it clear.

[6:25] I'm talking about computers,

[6:26] not robots,

[6:27] and not computers that a human being

[6:29] is using for evil purposes.

[6:31] I'm talking about an evil computer.

[6:33] Those sometimes evil robots

[6:35] work for evil computers,

[6:36] as we may see.

[6:37] And evil computers,

[6:38] for some reason,

[6:38] they never work for evil robots.

[6:40] It's only the other way around.

[6:41] So this is going to be a game

[6:42] about evil computers

[6:43] called New Computer, Who This?

[6:47] New Computer, Who This?

[6:48] And I'm going to name a movie

[6:50] and you guys are going to tell me,

[6:53] you're going to take turns telling me,

[6:54] what's the name of the evil computer in that movie?

[6:57] And for an extra point,

[6:58] how do you defeat the evil computer in that movie?

[7:02] So hold on,

[7:02] let me get a scoring pad right now

[7:04] so I can keep scoring you guys.

[7:05] And while I'm doing that,

[7:07] I want you guys to decide

[7:08] who's going to go first.

[7:09] We're going to be alternating these questions.

[7:10] Who's going to go first, you know?

Dan McCoy

[7:13] Should we rock, paper, scissors?

[7:15] Sure, let's do a rock, paper, scissors,

[7:17] the classic.

[7:18] One, two, three.

Stuart Wellington

[7:20] Oh, let's, oh, we shoot.

Dan McCoy

[7:22] Yeah, I thought it was,

[7:23] see, this was the problem.

[7:24] Okay.

[7:24] Wow, see, both through rock.

[7:26] One, two, three, shoot.

[7:27] Oh, dang us first.

Elliott Kalan

[7:29] We smashed my scissors.

[7:30] Okay.

[7:31] Dan wins.

[7:32] Let me just make a,

[7:33] let me just finish this here, right there.

Dan McCoy

[7:35] Okay.

[7:35] Just make an adjustment.

Elliott Kalan

[7:36] Just make an adjustment,

[7:37] make all the hard questions go first.

[7:40] No, no, Dan,

[7:40] we're going to start out easy

[7:41] and maybe get a little harder

[7:42] as this round goes on.

[7:43] Okay.

[7:43] So let's see.

[7:44] So we're going to start with,

[7:45] I don't know if you've ever heard

[7:45] of this movie, Dan,

[7:46] but it's got an evil computer in it.

[7:48] What is the name of the evil computer

[7:48] in 2001, A Space Odyssey?

Dan McCoy

[7:51] That computer would be named Hal.

Elliott Kalan

[7:54] Okay.

[7:54] For an extra point,

[7:56] what does Hal stand for?

Dan McCoy

[7:59] Oh, boy.

[8:00] I could tell you that Hal

[8:02] was born in Urbana.

Elliott Kalan

[8:06] Not the information I was looking for.

Dan McCoy

[8:08] Because I'm from Illinois,

[8:09] central Illinois.

[8:10] So we claim any celebrities we can,

[8:13] even evil fictional computers.

[8:15] But yeah, I don't know.

[8:18] Maybe Stuart does.

Stuart Wellington

[8:19] Stuart, you want to steal that moment?

[8:21] Highly advanced life form.

Elliott Kalan

[8:24] No, it's not a life form,

[8:26] but a computer.

[8:27] So that's a good guess.

[8:29] That's a good guess.

[8:30] I mean, it's half of-

[8:31] Hey, Arnold lover.

[8:33] You know what, Dan?

[8:34] I want to give you half a point for that.

[8:36] I'm not going to.

[8:37] I would love it if that was part of his backstory.

[8:39] He just loves Hey, Arnold.

[8:42] You know, Dave,

[8:43] this reminds me of an episode of Hey, Arnold.

[8:45] We know, I know Hal.

[8:47] Tell me about the Hey, Arnold episode, Hal.

[8:49] While he's pulling out.

Stuart Wellington

[8:50] Dave, your actions are giving me real

[8:52] Hey, Arnold vibes right now.

Dan McCoy

[8:54] Slowly singing the theme as he powers down.

[8:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:59] They wanted to see a comet through a telescope.

[9:04] And so they-

[9:06] Okay, so Dan, so nobody got that point.

[9:08] It's basically heuristic algorithmic, you know.

[9:11] Oh, okay.

[9:12] So-

[9:13] Of course.

[9:14] But Dan, for that extra point,

[9:16] how do you defeat Hal?

Dan McCoy

[9:18] Well, you gotta go down into the server room

[9:25] and slowly remove the little disks from the slots.

Elliott Kalan

[9:31] It's so wrong in the details,

[9:33] but I'll give it to you.

[9:34] Because they're not really disks.

[9:35] They're like little cassettes.

[9:37] But you go into his memory banks,

[9:39] you rip his brain out.

[9:40] That's all.

[9:40] You gave me what I needed.

[9:41] So that's two points for Dan.

[9:42] Stuart, you're up next.

[9:43] Can you give me the name of the computer

[9:45] in the movie War Games?

Stuart Wellington

[9:48] God damn it.

Dan McCoy

[9:56] Matthew Broderick.

[9:59] I would say that there are two plausible answers here.

[10:02] So Dan, are you gonna try to steal this one?

[10:04] Yeah, you can steal.

[10:04] You wanna steal?

[10:05] Yeah.

[10:06] Well, you could either go by Whopper,

[10:09] which is the-

[10:11] Of course, that's a-

[10:13] It's not an acronym

[10:14] because it doesn't actually spell anything,

[10:15] but whatever, initials.

[10:16] Spells Whopper.

[10:18] Well, but it doesn't spell it correctly.

[10:20] It doesn't spell Whopper.

[10:20] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[10:20] That's fair.

[10:22] And, of course, Joshua.

Elliott Kalan

[10:24] Dan, I'm gonna give you one and a half points

[10:27] for getting both of those right.

[10:28] Thank you.

[10:29] Good job.

[10:30] Good job.

[10:30] Stu, but you can still win something.

[10:32] How do you defeat-

[10:33] And, of course, Whopper.

[10:33] Dan, tell me what Whopper stands for.

[10:35] I'm sure you know it.

[10:35] Oh, that I don't know.

[10:36] For that other half a point.

Dan McCoy

[10:39] World Organization, please, right now.

Elliott Kalan

[10:44] I mean, what's great about it

[10:45] is that it's not actually a meaningful phrase in any way.

[10:48] Stuart, you want this half a point?

[10:49] What does Whopper stand for?

Stuart Wellington

[10:51] Wild or pessimistic reasons to exist.

Elliott Kalan

[10:59] I love that you added some extra letters.

[11:01] It was Whopperdy.

[11:03] But, no, that's incorrect.

[11:04] Stuart, you can still get a point.

[11:06] How do you defeat Whopper slash Joshua?

[11:08] How do you do it?

Stuart Wellington

[11:12] What, you just don't play him or something?

[11:15] I mean, that's a lesson that's learned, kind of.

[11:17] Oh, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[11:18] But how do you-

[11:19] That's not how you defeat-

[11:20] That's how you win-

Stuart Wellington

[11:20] You like tricking with, like, word games and crap, right?

[11:24] Dan, you gotta swoop in and take this one.

Dan McCoy

[11:26] You make him play tic-tac-toe against himself,

[11:29] so he learns that it's a funny sort of game.

[11:32] The only way to win is not to play.

Elliott Kalan

[11:34] You got it.

[11:34] You make him play tic-tac-toe.

Dan McCoy

[11:36] Which is as true about nuclear war as it is about tic-tac-toe.

[11:39] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] The only way-

[11:40] Although you can win tic-tac-toe if you play with a child,

[11:42] because they don't kind of forget how to play it halfway through.

[11:45] Nuclear war, same way.

[11:46] You can win nuclear war if it's a child that's operating the other nukes.

[11:49] They might send him in the wrong place or something.

[11:51] So, Dan, it's back to you.

[11:53] You are dominating this round.

[11:54] Yeah, don't worry.

[11:55] The other rounds are very different.

Stuart Wellington

[11:56] Dan, this movie-

[11:57] It's okay.

[11:57] I can lose this game.

[11:59] Okay.

[12:00] What's that?

[12:00] I didn't base my entire personality around it.

[12:03] Like, it's good.

[12:04] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:04] It's not going to get you inside.

[12:05] It would hurt me more.

Elliott Kalan

[12:07] Yeah, the computer game Dan.

[12:08] Dan, the computer movie man.

[12:10] That's what they call him.

[12:10] Dan, the movie is Eagle Eye.

[12:12] What's the name of the evil computer?

Dan McCoy

[12:14] Oh, shit.

Elliott Kalan

[12:15] Don't say Eagle Eye, because that's not the name of the computer.

Dan McCoy

[12:18] No, I know.

[12:18] It's like, I can't remember.

[12:21] I watched it one time a long time ago when Eagle Eye was new to cable and the world seemed young and beautiful.

Elliott Kalan

[12:29] So, Stuart, you got to tell me, what's this Eagle Eye computer called?

[12:32] Optimus Prime.

[12:33] No, wrong.

[12:34] The computer's name is-

[12:35] Different Shia LaBeouf.

[12:36] The computer's name is ARIA, A-R-I-I-A.

[12:40] Dan, what does it stand for?

Dan McCoy

[12:43] Always really interesting.

[12:46] I love that really is showing up in these.

[12:50] Always.

Elliott Kalan

[12:51] Okay, so not the right letters, but great.

[12:54] Stu, you want to steal this?

[12:55] What does ARIA stand for?

[12:56] A-R-I-I-A.

Stuart Wellington

[12:59] Okay.

[13:01] Automated Really Intense Intelligent Assistant.

Elliott Kalan

[13:07] Okay, so you're so much closer.

[13:08] I'm going to give you guys a hint if we ever come to the picture.

Dan McCoy

[13:11] Really is never going to be in any of these names.

Elliott Kalan

[13:13] The word really never shows up.

[13:15] You were pretty close, Stuart, though.

[13:16] It's Autonomous Reconnaissance Intelligence Integration Analyst.

[13:20] Oh, I'm going to pass out.

[13:21] So you were much closer.

Dan McCoy

[13:22] Yeah, it was pretty close.

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] So because I feel pity for you right now, I'm going to give you a half point for that one.

[13:26] Yeah.

[13:27] Dan, how do you defeat Eagle Eye?

[13:29] How do you do it?

[13:30] Oh, jeez.

[13:31] Or how do you defeat ARIA as seen in the movie Eagle Eye?

Dan McCoy

[13:36] You break in somewhere and you blow something up.

[13:38] What do you do?

[13:39] Pretty close.

Stuart Wellington

[13:39] Stuart, can you be more specific?

[13:42] Do you wear reflective clothing so it burns out Eagle Eye's eyeballs?

[13:47] No, that would be great.

[13:48] With like proton receptors or whatever?

Elliott Kalan

[13:50] No, that would be great.

[13:51] No, you go into its central orb.

[13:53] You break into its central orb and you hit it with a crowbar.

[13:55] Oh, okay.

[13:56] But then you also hold congressional hearings on whether to build a new evil computer.

[14:01] And hopefully you don't.

[14:02] So that's – okay.

[14:03] Stuart, it's up to you.

[14:04] It's not your next.

[14:05] Okay.

[14:06] Okay.

[14:06] The movie is WALL-E.

[14:08] What's the name of the evil computer in WALL-E?

Stuart Wellington

[14:12] His name's like WALL-E, right?

Elliott Kalan

[14:14] No, that's the good guy robot.

[14:16] That is an interesting read of the movie WALL-E is that WALL-E is the villain because he causes humanity to return to this blasted wasteland that it left.

[14:24] WALL-E is a very nice robot.

[14:26] Because of WALL-E, humanity leaves the paradise of never having to work and just sipping on Slurpees all day and has to go farm for its future.

[14:33] Thanks, WALL-E.

Dan McCoy

[14:34] Sweet robot.

Elliott Kalan

[14:36] Okay.

[14:36] So, Dan, you want to steal this shit?

[14:37] You want to steal this?

[14:38] What's the evil computer in WALL-E?

Dan McCoy

[14:39] You know what?

[14:40] I think that Pixar – that's probably my favorite Pixar movie, but I don't remember.

[14:45] And yet you don't remember the name of the main antagonist.

[14:47] It's nuts.

Elliott Kalan

[14:48] He's a mother or something?

[14:49] No, you're thinking of the movie Alien.

Dan McCoy

[14:51] Because Sigourney Weaver is the voice, right?

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] Yes.

[14:54] Yeah, yeah.

[14:54] She's the voice of the – well, she's not the voice.

[14:55] The evil computer.

[14:56] She's the voice of the information aspect of the computer.

[14:59] I see, yeah.

[15:00] So, it is, of course, the autopilot who is called Otto.

[15:03] That's his name, Otto.

[15:04] Right.

[15:04] Stuart, how do you defeat Otto in WALL-E?

Stuart Wellington

[15:07] Do you, like, climb in there and bash his brains in with a crowbar?

Elliott Kalan

[15:12] Nope.

[15:13] That's how you defeat Arya from the movie Eagle Eye, so I understand why that's in your mind.

[15:16] Dan, how do you defeat Otto?

Dan McCoy

[15:19] Is it through the power of love between WALL-E and Eva?

[15:24] Wait, no.

Stuart Wellington

[15:24] Can I change my answer to power of love?

[15:26] You can.

[15:27] It's still wrong, but you can go back and change it to that.

Dan McCoy

[15:29] Is it – you just have to have the plant scanned?

[15:34] Is that all that happens at the end?

[15:35] You're right, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[15:36] You throw the plant in the plant hole, and that's how you defeat Otto.

[15:39] I mean, I shouldn't give you a point because you gave a wrong answer before.

[15:40] No, no, you don't have to.

Dan McCoy

[15:42] I missed the buzzer.

Elliott Kalan

[15:44] Yeah, you did.

[15:44] You missed it so hard.

[15:46] So now, Dan, it's your turn.

[15:49] We went past WALL-E.

Stuart Wellington

[15:50] Scores are pretty close, right?

[15:51] Yeah.

[15:52] What?

[15:52] Scores are pretty close.

[15:53] You can film me in later.

Elliott Kalan

[15:55] Don't worry.

[15:55] Pretty close.

[15:55] We're pretty close.

[15:56] Dan's – I mean, they're pulling ahead, but there's going to be more chances to get more points.

[15:59] We went from WALL-E.

[15:59] Let's go to another classic children's film, Alphaville, directed by Jean-Luc Godard.

[16:05] What is the name of the computer in Alphaville?

Dan McCoy

[16:08] Who's this for?

[16:08] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[16:09] This is for you, Daniel.

Dan McCoy

[16:11] Oh, me?

[16:12] I have to admit, I have not – this is a Godard movie that I have not seen at all.

[16:15] I have no idea what the –

Elliott Kalan

[16:17] Okay.

[16:17] And you have no knowledge about any movie you've never seen.

[16:22] So –

[16:22] Well –

[16:22] Well, does it help if I give you the full title, Alphaville, A Strange Adventure of Lemmy Caution?

[16:27] Lemming Caution?

[16:28] Lemmy Caution.

[16:29] That's the main character.

[16:29] Oh, okay.

[16:30] That Eddie Constantine plays.

[16:32] So, Stuart, you can steal this one.

[16:33] What's the name of the computer in Alphaville?

[16:35] Is it Megatron?

[16:37] No, I'm sorry.

[16:38] It is Alpha 60.

[16:40] Alpha 60.

[16:40] Oh, yeah.

[16:41] Dan, how do you defeat Alpha 60?

[16:43] Think about what's the most French movie way – French art movie way of defeating a computer?

Dan McCoy

[16:48] Blow cigarette smoke into it?

Elliott Kalan

[16:49] I was going to say the same shit.

[16:50] That's a good guess.

[16:51] No, it's not it.

Stuart Wellington

[16:51] Stuff a fucking baguette in a fucking port.

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] Stuart, what's your other guess?

[16:56] After cigarettes and baguettes.

[16:57] Spill wine all over it, dude.

[16:59] That would be great.

[17:00] No, you tell it a poetry riddle.

[17:02] That's how you defeat it.

[17:03] Yeah.

[17:04] Of course.

[17:05] Yeah, like a French Captain Kirk.

[17:07] Okay, Stuart, it's your turn.

[17:07] All poetry is kind of a riddle.

[17:08] Okay.

[17:09] It's your turn.

[17:09] I'm feeling optimistic here.

[17:11] Yeah, we're talking about another French art movie.

[17:13] Stuart, what's the name of the evil computer in Terminator?

Stuart Wellington

[17:16] I got this one.

[17:19] Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Elliott Kalan

[17:23] Okay, I think you're misunderstanding the rules of the game to mention another French movie that doesn't have a computer in it.

[17:28] Is that your final answer?

[17:30] Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Stuart Wellington

[17:31] It's Skynet.

[17:32] I know this one.

[17:33] You know this.

[17:34] And how do you defeat Skynet?

[17:37] You go back in time, and then you, oh man, so wait a minute.

[17:43] You stop the Terminators from killing John Connor, and you also try not to leave Terminator parts around for Dyson to check out, like reverse engineer a line of Terminators.

Dan McCoy

[17:57] I mean, and arguably, if you count the sequels, there is really no way to defeat Skynet.

[18:04] It just kind of gets delayed or renamed.

Elliott Kalan

[18:08] I'll accept keeping Terminator parts out.

[18:10] I mean, what they do is they blow it up with a missile eventually.

[18:13] But I'll give you, you know what, Stuart?

[18:15] I'm giving you half a point for the Terminator stuff.

[18:17] When do they blow it up with a missile?

[18:19] I forget.

[18:20] One of the movies.

[18:20] They just kind of shoot it.

[18:23] There's always a missile.

Stuart Wellington

[18:24] Is it like you got to shoot the missile in the highlighted area on the mech body, or else you won't float up?

[18:29] Probably.

[18:30] I don't remember.

Elliott Kalan

[18:31] So, Dan, this is a Flophouse movie now that I'm going to mention now.

[18:34] The movie is Stealth.

[18:35] What is the name of the computer?

[18:38] Is it named Stealth?

[18:40] It is not named Stealth.

[18:42] I hate to break it to you.

[18:44] Stuart, do you want to steal?

[18:45] What is the name of this computer?

[18:46] The name Jessica Alba?

[18:48] No.

[18:48] She's not even in that.

[18:49] Jessica Biel was in it.

[18:50] No, she's not even in Jessica Biel.

[18:51] Different Jessica.

Stuart Wellington

[18:54] It's not Stealth.

[18:55] It's not Stealth.

[18:57] Is it Rogue?

[18:59] Stuart, what if it's Stealth backwards?

Elliott Kalan

[19:02] Yeah, yeah.

[19:03] It might be Hetulz.

[19:04] Wow, you're fast with that shit.

[19:06] It took me a minute to sound it out.

[19:08] The computer is named Eddie.

[19:10] Named Eddie.

[19:10] Eddie.

[19:11] Guys, what does Eddie stand for?

[19:13] It's spelled E-D-I.

[19:14] What does it stand for?

[19:15] Dan, do you know?

Dan McCoy

[19:17] Every dog digs it.

[19:22] Eddie.

Elliott Kalan

[19:23] Okay.

[19:24] Every dog digs it.

[19:25] Like digs the computer.

[19:26] Like dig it.

[19:26] This is cool.

[19:28] Stuart, you want to try to steal this one?

[19:29] Dan, no.

[19:30] That's what it should have been.

Stuart Wellington

[19:32] Electronic data inspector.

Elliott Kalan

[19:35] Ooh, such a good guess.

[19:37] No, it's extreme deep invader.

Dan McCoy

[19:39] Your answer is actually better than the one in the movie.

[19:41] That's way fucking cooler.

[19:42] More like a personal sex aid.

Elliott Kalan

[19:45] Uh-huh, yeah.

[19:46] As opposed to an impersonal sex aid?

[19:48] Like a sex aid that doesn't look at you while you're doing it?

Dan McCoy

[19:50] It doesn't acknowledge you as a person.

[19:52] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:53] Yeah.

[19:54] If that's what you're into.

[19:55] So, Dan, how do you defeat Eddie in stealth?

Dan McCoy

[19:59] Don't you just like blow up that plane?

Elliott Kalan

[20:03] No.

[20:03] Stuart, how do you defeat Eddie in stealth?

[20:05] So it's not shoot it with a missile.

[20:06] I mean, it does get shot with a missile, but that's not how you defeat the computer.

Stuart Wellington

[20:10] I'm going to say they use the power of love.

[20:12] Yeah, there you go.

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] Stuart, I'm giving you a point for that.

[20:15] You bond with it so it develops a conscience and sacrifices itself to save you.

[20:19] It is the power of love because that's the power of love.

[20:23] The power of love is the curious thing.

[20:26] Make one man cry.

[20:27] Make another computer sacrifice itself to save the humans.

[20:30] That's the original lyrics.

[20:31] A minute.

[20:32] Score.

[20:33] Interesting.

[20:34] So, Stuart, now it's your turn.

[20:35] This movie, it's called Electric Dreams.

[20:38] Can you tell me the name of the computer in Electric Dreams?

Stuart Wellington

[20:44] Is it Electro?

[20:48] No.

Dan McCoy

[20:51] I know this movie.

[20:52] This is the movie where the computer tries to – there's like a love triangle with the computer and a woman and a human man.

Elliott Kalan

[20:59] The computer falls in love with Virginia Madsen, and the computer is voiced by Bud Cort.

[21:04] Not to be confused with Night Court, which is not a person, but a television show.

Dan McCoy

[21:10] Or the legal proceedings where they finally decided whether Bud Light or Bud Dry was better.

Stuart Wellington

[21:19] Yeah, that's where the legal proceedings are all done by bottles of beer.

Dan McCoy

[21:26] I don't know what this thing's called.

Elliott Kalan

[21:27] Okay.

[21:28] This computer is called Edgar.

[21:30] Oh.

[21:30] Not initials.

[21:31] Not initials.

[21:32] We went from Eddie to Edgar.

[21:33] Stuart, how do you defeat Edgar?

[21:36] I feel like the power of love has been really crushing it for me.

[21:39] Yeah.

[21:40] You want to go with the power of love?

[21:41] Yeah, I'm going to do power of love.

[21:43] You do that exactly.

[21:44] You prove that your wife loves you, so the computer commits suicide.

[21:47] Yay!

[21:48] Wow.

[21:48] You did it.

[21:49] The power of love is a very powerful weapon in this game.

[21:51] Stuart's coming from behind with the power of love.

[21:53] Yeah.

[21:54] He is – I don't want to hear about Stuart coming from behind with the power of love anymore, Dan.

[21:58] No, thank you.

[21:59] Save it for your only fans.

Stuart Wellington

[22:00] I have some videos saved on my phone.

Elliott Kalan

[22:03] So, Daniel, the next question in this round is for you.

[22:05] I know this round is going long.

[22:07] The other rounds are not quite as long.

[22:09] iRobot, and I'm not asking about the robots.

[22:10] The movie iRobot, what's the name of the artificial computer intelligence that turns evil in iRobot?

Dan McCoy

[22:17] Well, it's not Alan Tudyk because he's the good robot.

Elliott Kalan

[22:22] And again, that's the name of the actor in the movie.

[22:24] It's not a character.

Dan McCoy

[22:25] It's not Chi McBride because he shoots the robots.

[22:29] Right.

[22:29] It's not Will Smith because he's our human protagonist.

[22:33] Again, very true.

[22:34] Yeah.

[22:37] Do you know Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[22:37] I think it is named Robo Mind.

[22:42] That would be super cool.

[22:43] No, it's named Vicky.

[22:44] Vicky.

[22:45] Oh, that's not –

Elliott Kalan

[22:45] Oh, like it – oh, it's because it's based on –

[22:48] On Small Wonder.

[22:49] It's a remake.

[22:50] Because people forget Isaac Asimov created Small Wonder.

[22:53] Yeah.

[22:53] So, Dan, what does Vicky stand for?

[22:55] It's V-I-K-I.

[22:56] What does Vicky stand for?

Dan McCoy

[22:57] Oh, boy.

[22:58] Okay.

[22:59] Let's see if I can really –

Elliott Kalan

[23:00] I know the V.

[23:01] It's –

[23:01] Try your hardest this time.

[23:02] Don't do a silly one.

[23:03] Do a real one.

Dan McCoy

[23:04] Yeah, I'm going to really try here.

[23:05] Okay.

[23:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:07] Virtual –

Dan McCoy

[23:08] Yeah.

[23:10] Intelligence.

[23:11] Ooh.

[23:12] Hmm.

[23:13] Oh.

[23:13] Well, keep going.

[23:15] Wait, what is it?

[23:16] V-I-K-I?

[23:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] Let's see if you can get it.

[23:20] Virtual?

[23:21] You're warm.

[23:21] You're real warm.

[23:22] Virtual.

Dan McCoy

[23:25] Interface.

[23:26] Ooh, so close.

[23:28] Killing.

[23:29] No.

[23:29] Is what these robots do.

Stuart Wellington

[23:31] I stands for is what these robots do.

Dan McCoy

[23:34] Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[23:35] That's pretty cool.

Stuart Wellington

[23:35] Actually, really cool.

[23:36] I love that.

[23:37] I'm going to say it's virtual.

Elliott Kalan

[23:41] I don't know how you knew that, but yeah, you're on the right course.

Stuart Wellington

[23:45] Investigation.

[23:47] No.

[23:48] Killing is what these robots do.

Elliott Kalan

[23:52] So, like, Wordle, you thought that the part that was wrong was just the first eye, but

[23:56] killing is what the robots do.

[23:58] No, it is virtual interactive connection.

[24:01] Genetic intelligence.

[24:02] So, Dan was on the right track of intelligence, but he was putting it in the wrong place.

Stuart Wellington

[24:06] So, Dan, how do you defeat Vicky?

[24:08] Putting intelligence in the right and not in the right place is kind of this podcast.

Dan McCoy

[24:15] You, I don't, you correct, you, there's some flaw in the laws of robotics that you go in

[24:24] and you correct it.

[24:26] You're like, no, no, no, this decimal point was in the wrong place.

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] Seems like it, right?

[24:30] But you're wrong.

Stuart Wellington

[24:30] Stuart, how do you defeat Vicky?

[24:32] You let the good robot, like, upload its consciousness or something.

Elliott Kalan

[24:36] Not exactly.

[24:37] You inject nanites into its core.

[24:40] Oh, nanites.

[24:41] Yeah, nanites.

[24:42] It's always the nanites.

[24:42] I was going to say that.

[24:44] Stuart, your turn.

[24:45] The movie is Resident Evil, and I know you're like, that's like a zombie movie.

[24:49] There's an evil computer in it.

Stuart Wellington

[24:50] Yeah.

[24:52] I mean, it's the Umbrella Corporation.

[24:55] Is it just called Umbrella?

Elliott Kalan

[24:57] No, that'd be pretty cool.

[24:59] That'd be pretty cool, but it's not.

[25:01] Dan, what's the name of the evil computer?

[25:03] Is this one called, like, Mom or something?

[25:05] No, but it's along similar lines.

[25:07] You're on the right track.

[25:09] Okay.

[25:09] But you're not there.

[25:10] So it is called The Red Queen.

[25:13] Oh, right.

[25:13] The Red Queen is the evil computer.

[25:15] Oh, okay.

[25:15] And, Stuart, how do you defeat The Red Queen?

[25:18] You just got to shoot it a bunch.

[25:23] I think I may give you – I don't really remember how they did it, so I'm going to give you that one.

[25:27] Maybe they do just shoot it a bunch, which puts you in the lead, amazingly.

[25:30] Dan, this is your turn.

[25:31] Now, here's a kind of computer movie I could see you getting really into.

[25:34] It's called Demon Seed.

[25:35] What's the name of the computer in Demon Seed?

Dan McCoy

[25:38] This is another perv computer one.

Elliott Kalan

[25:40] Is this the Barbara Hershey film?

[25:42] Is she in this?

[25:44] No, it's Julie Christie in Demon Seed.

Dan McCoy

[25:45] Julie Christie.

[25:46] Okay.

[25:46] But I – okay.

[25:50] I don't know what the evil computer is named in this.

[25:54] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[25:54] It's the kind of name where you – once you hear it, you're like, why did they name the computer that?

[25:57] That's an evil-sounding name.

Stuart Wellington

[25:58] Stuart?

[25:59] It's going to be called, like, Lucifer or something.

Elliott Kalan

[26:01] I mean, it's Proteus 4.

[26:04] Oh, right.

[26:04] Oh, sick.

[26:05] And Dan, how do you defeat Proteus 4, as in the movie Demon Seed?

Dan McCoy

[26:09] Um, do you – is this the movie where the computer sexually assaults a woman somehow and puts, like, a demon seed inside it?

Elliott Kalan

[26:24] Yes.

[26:25] Hence the name, Demon Seed.

[26:26] Yeah.

[26:26] This is the one where the computer inseminates Julie Christie.

Stuart Wellington

[26:29] Hey, is Demon Seed the movie with the demon seed?

Dan McCoy

[26:32] They do a digital exorcism slash abortion of the demon seed.

[26:44] What do they do?

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] Very much not that.

[26:46] Stuart, what do they do?

Stuart Wellington

[26:48] God damn.

[26:49] I want to go to my regular wheelhouse of power of love.

Elliott Kalan

[26:51] But I think – no, they trap it in, like, a logic loop or something.

[26:57] You should have gone with your first instinct, Stuart.

[27:00] God damn it.

[27:00] The robot self-destructs so that the humans will take care of its clone baby techno offspring.

[27:05] So the baby is born out of, like, an incubator container thing.

[27:09] And, yeah, the power of love is the robot gives itself – sacrifices itself for the baby's future pretty much.

[27:15] So, guys, okay.

[27:18] The power of love has been a pretty strong one.

Dan McCoy

[27:21] Right now, it's making one man weep and another man sing.

Elliott Kalan

[27:25] There's only three questions left in this round.

[27:28] Let's see how many of them are the power of love.

[27:31] So, Dan, the movie is another Flophouse movie.

[27:33] I'm sure you remember in great detail.

[27:35] It's called Transcendence.

[27:36] What is the name of the computer in Transcendence?

[27:39] Fuck you.

Dan McCoy

[27:41] Oh, of all the movies.

[27:43] Starring, of course, Johnny Depp.

[27:46] It did?

[27:47] Yeah.

[27:47] I remember nothing about this movie at all.

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] We watched this movie, Dan.

[27:50] It's called Transcendence.

[27:51] Rebecca Hall's in it.

[27:52] Paul Bettany.

[27:54] I like those two.

[27:55] Academy Award winner, Keiria Murphy.

[27:57] Cole Hauser.

[27:59] Wow.

[28:00] What?

Stuart Wellington

[28:01] Oh, I remember this one now.

[28:03] Nothing in my brain.

Elliott Kalan

[28:04] Where Johnny Depp's brain goes into it.

[28:09] His consciousness is turned into an AI computer.

Stuart Wellington

[28:12] Yeah.

[28:12] He transcends.

[28:13] So, the Transcendence is the one where somebody transcends.

Elliott Kalan

[28:17] Yeah, yeah.

[28:17] But it's not a computer person.

[28:19] I wouldn't call him a computer person.

[28:20] He's a computer program based on the personality of a person.

Dan McCoy

[28:23] So, the evil computer is, in that movie, Johnny Depp.

[28:28] That's what I'm guessing.

[28:28] Johnny Depp is the...

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] You know what, Stuart?

[28:30] If you can't give me the name of the character, then I'm going to give it to Dan.

[28:33] What's the name of the character in Transcendence?

Stuart Wellington

[28:40] Brian?

Elliott Kalan

[28:43] Good guess.

[28:43] It's Dr. Will Caster.

[28:45] I'm going to give Dan a half a point for that one.

[28:47] Dan, how do you defeat Dr. Will Caster, the misguided AI of Transcendence?

Dan McCoy

[28:54] Um, you just unplug him.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] Oof, that would be a good answer, but it's not the right one.

[28:59] Power of love.

[29:01] Um, you know what?

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] It's not the power of love this time.

Elliott Kalan

[29:05] It kind of is.

[29:06] Well, no, you know what?

[29:07] It is the power.

[29:08] I'm going to give it to you, power of love, because you know what?

[29:10] You threaten the computer that you're going to kill its best friend, Paul Bettany,

[29:13] unless it uses its last bit of energy to upload a virus that destroys all technology.

[29:17] But then you keep a little bit of the computer as some nanoparticles alive in your garden in a Faraday cage.

[29:21] So, you know what?

[29:22] That's the power of love, because it was love for his friend that made it so—

[29:26] I'm going to say that, power of love.

[29:27] Okay.

[29:27] Yeah, I was right again.

[29:28] Stuart, this is your movie.

[29:30] It's called Oblivion.

[29:31] What's the name of the evil computer in Oblivion?

[29:34] Okay.

[29:34] This was the year that Tom Cruise had two science fiction adventure movies.

[29:38] One of them was great, and the other one was not so good.

[29:42] This was the not so good one.

[29:43] The other one's Oblivion, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[29:46] He rides around in a sphere.

Elliott Kalan

[29:48] Yes.

[29:48] That's what I remember about it.

[29:49] He rides around in a sphere.

[29:50] He turns out to be a clone.

[29:52] What's the computer called, though?

[29:54] Overmind.

[29:55] Great name, but wrong.

[29:57] Dan?

[29:58] Undermined.

[29:59] Nope, wrong.

[30:00] It is Tet.

[30:01] Tet is the name of the computer.

[30:03] Named after one of the great offensives in military history.

[30:06] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[30:07] Stuart, how do you defeat Tet?

Stuart Wellington

[30:10] You, like, smack it with a crowbar.

Elliott Kalan

[30:13] Not—I mean, a little—kind of.

[30:15] Dan, what do you do?

Dan McCoy

[30:18] No.

[30:19] I gotta get in on this.

Elliott Kalan

[30:20] This is the one time love doesn't save the day.

[30:23] That's the $1 guess.

[30:24] Yeah.

[30:25] You trick it into letting you into a spaceship, and then you set off a bomb, blowing it up.

[30:30] So, it is a physical attack.

[30:32] Finally, Stuart, this is for you.

[30:35] This is the last question in the round.

[30:36] Two in a row.

[30:38] Oh, you did you—oh, did you—oh, no, Dan.

[30:40] I just did Oblivion.

[30:41] No, you're right.

[30:41] It's Dan's turn.

[30:42] Okay.

[30:42] Although, Dan started.

[30:43] How did I get these—how did I get these numberings wrong?

[30:45] I must have messed it up at some point.

[30:47] Who cares?

[30:47] It doesn't matter.

[30:47] One of the mysteries of the universe.

[30:48] Dan, what's the name—

[30:50] Evil computer fucked you up.

[30:51] What's the name?

[30:52] You're behind anyway, Dan.

[30:53] So, what's the name of the computer—evil computer in the movie Colossus, the Forbin Project?

[30:58] Is that called Colossus?

[30:59] You got that right, Dan.

[31:01] And what does Colossus stand for?

[31:02] Just kidding.

[31:03] It's not an acronym.

[31:04] Okay.

[31:05] But actually, tell us.

[31:06] If it was, what would it stand for?

Dan McCoy

[31:08] Call out.

[31:09] Lo.

[31:12] Us.

[31:13] Is.

Elliott Kalan

[31:14] Do you not know how to spell the word Colossus?

Dan McCoy

[31:16] Yes.

[31:17] I lost confidence halfway through in knowing what the letters in Colossus are.

Elliott Kalan

[31:20] That I like to call out.

[31:21] I thought you were going to say call out love.

[31:23] Yeah.

[31:23] But Dan, how do you defeat Colossus in Colossus, the Forbin Project?

Dan McCoy

[31:27] Oh, geez.

[31:28] I've even seen this one.

[31:29] I don't—I don't—I don't—

[31:31] You pour milk all over the circuits.

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] Would be great if true.

[31:37] But, Stuart, how do you defeat Colossus in Colossus, the Forbin Project?

Stuart Wellington

[31:40] Well, Colossus is immune to milk, okay?

[31:43] So, I'm assuming he's going to be immune to all liquid-based attacks.

[31:46] He's lactose-tolerant.

[31:47] Yeah.

[31:48] So, cheese isn't going to work.

[31:50] Cream, heavy creams.

[31:52] I think it's due.

[31:52] I'm going to say logic loop.

[31:54] You got to get him in a logic loop.

[31:56] Oh, it's a trick question, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] You don't defeat Colossus.

[31:59] He wins at the end of the movie and solidifies his control of humanity.

[32:03] Game over, man.

[32:04] Game over.

[32:05] And that game is over, too.

[32:06] So, leaving round one, it's a close game.

[32:09] It's a tie game.

[32:10] The score is six to six.

[32:11] So, this is amazing.

[32:13] You guys are going head-to-head, and you're doing a great job.

[32:15] This next game is going to be a little more imaginative, though.

[32:17] We've seen your recall for facts.

[32:19] Now it's time for the essay portion of the games.

[32:22] This is round two.

[32:23] We're talking about movies where you go into a computer world.

[32:25] There are a lot of movies.

[32:26] People find themselves in a virtual computer world, or they get sucked in, or they go there

[32:31] on purpose, or they discover they're in one.

[32:32] And the computer world seemed good at first, but they always turn out bad.

[32:35] And this represents humanity's fear of technology or whatever.

[32:38] So, in the movies, it's always a bad thing to get sucked into a computer world.

[32:41] But there's got to be something good about them, right?

[32:44] Or else we won't want to see movies where people get sucked into them.

[32:47] So, in this game, you're going to be playing the part of a travel agent who is selling me

[32:52] on a trip to one of these computer worlds.

[32:53] Okay, sure.

[32:54] You get three points for convincing me to go on this trip.

[32:56] And this is a game called Micro Trip.

[33:00] Micro Trip.

[33:02] And so, we're going to start with Stu, because we started with Dan last time, even though

[33:05] we ended with Dan last time somehow.

[33:06] I got the numbering wrong.

[33:08] Stuart, your first assignment, Tron.

[33:11] Sell me on Tron.

[33:12] Why should I be going to Tron?

[33:13] Easy.

[33:13] Fucking peasy.

Stuart Wellington

[33:15] Hey, bud.

[33:16] Yeah.

[33:17] Can I interest you in, stay in Tron?

[33:21] Now, I know you're a competitive guy, and guess what?

[33:23] When you're in Tron, all you do is play games, buddy.

[33:26] You're playing them all the time.

[33:27] You look like a sportsman.

[33:28] You look like you're pretty athletic.

[33:30] You would love Tron.

[33:31] You'd be throwing light balls everywhere.

[33:33] You also have an eye for design.

[33:35] Let me tell you, Tron looks incredible.

[33:37] It's bright.

[33:38] Everything is designed very well.

[33:40] Minimalist.

[33:40] But that also kind of goes with your kind of rugged, minimalist aesthetic.

[33:46] Also, the soundtrack is great.

[33:49] I see you're wearing a Daft Punk t-shirt.

[33:51] Guess what?

[33:52] They did a lot of the music.

[33:54] Do you like Robo Babes?

[33:56] There's plenty of them.

[33:57] That's what Tron's all about.

[33:59] Babes, cool stuff that looks cool.

[34:01] Playing games all the time.

[34:02] I feel like you would love Tron.

Elliott Kalan

[34:04] Stuart, I got to say, flattery will get you getting me to Tron.

[34:09] So, that's a great job.

[34:11] That's three full points.

[34:12] Yeah.

[34:13] Dan, I wasn't aware you could just make up details about the person you're selling the thing to.

[34:17] Dan, you're not just selling a place.

[34:19] You're selling an idea and a persona.

[34:21] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:22] He's making me think I—

[34:23] You got to sell the fantasy, the complete fantasy.

[34:25] And that's what I do every day, Dan.

[34:26] I'm a fan of being a guy with a Daft Punk t-shirt.

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] Dan, on the ex-body spray commercials, they go, this body spray, it smells real good.

[34:32] They go, no.

[34:33] They go, when you put this on, you are irresistible to women and they refuse to let go of you.

[34:38] So, this one, this is just going to be as easy as Tron.

[34:40] Dan, sell me on going to the existence world.

[34:43] Why should I take a trip to existence?

Dan McCoy

[34:45] Oh, easy as hell.

[34:48] Here's the thing about life.

[34:50] You know, you go through life, you reach a certain age, you feel like you've seen everything.

[34:55] Well, my friend, you've not seen what it's like to live inside existence.

[34:59] Because have you ever thought to yourself, why are all these machines made out of metal and plastic and, you know, inert items?

[35:07] I have wondered that, yeah.

[35:09] Couldn't more things be made out of, like, sort of goop and flesh and, like, bits of tooth, maybe?

[35:18] That's the world I'm selling you in existence.

[35:21] Are you still in it right now?

[35:23] You don't know.

[35:23] That's the beauty of it.

[35:24] Like, you could have already agreed to go to existence and only remember later on.

[35:30] So, that's why I think it's perfect for you.

Elliott Kalan

[35:33] Dan, I'm going to give you two points for that one because you really were losing me with the idea that the world is made out of flesh and teeth.

[35:41] But once you kind of made me realize I might already be in existence, I was like, yeah, I got to take this trip just to find out if I'm in it already.

[35:50] Yeah, that makes sense.

[35:50] That was a good one.

Stuart Wellington

[35:51] Yeah, I was surprised you weren't like, hey, you have a phone, right?

[35:54] Now, imagine your phone is, like, soft and made of skin.

Elliott Kalan

[35:59] Hey, haven't you ever wanted to make a gun out of the bones of a duck?

[36:02] Now you can do it.

[36:04] So, Stuart, now it is your turn.

[36:06] You've got another one.

[36:08] Tell me on taking a trip to Victory, California, the computer world from Don't Worry, Darling, another Flophouse fave.

[36:14] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[36:17] Hey, Harry Styles, right?

[36:20] You know your wife or girlfriend who is, you know, kind of the breadwinner and has emasculated you?

[36:30] Well, why don't you knock her ass out and send her to Victory, California?

[36:34] And you know what?

[36:35] You get to go with her.

[36:36] And when you're there, you get to be the breadwinner.

[36:38] You get to dance all the time.

[36:40] You get to hang out with fucking Chris Pine.

[36:44] You get to look cool.

[36:45] You get to wear cool outfits.

[36:46] You don't have to worry about all this other crap.

[36:50] You get to go back to when things were, like, just a little bit simpler.

[36:54] And as Dan McCoy says, just a little bit better.

[36:58] Don't put these words in.

[36:59] You know, when we're, you know, people do their place.

[37:04] No.

[37:04] That's what Dan says.

[37:05] No, I don't say that.

[37:07] So, yeah.

[37:07] Can I interest you in a ticket to Victory, California, today?

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] You tried, Stu.

[37:12] I think if you had started with the clothes and the glamour, you might have had me.

[37:16] But starting out with the knocking out your girlfriend.

[37:19] That made it a deal breaker for me.

[37:21] So, I'm sorry.

[37:22] That was, you know, I feel like you should have hidden that in the fine print.

[37:25] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[37:25] I got lost in the sauce, guys.

[37:27] I'm sorry.

[37:28] So, Dan, maybe you'll have a better luck with your next assignment.

[37:32] Sell me on a trip to the very dangerous jungle in Jumanji.

[37:36] Welcome to the jungle.

Dan McCoy

[37:38] What is life, if not a sense of adventure?

[37:44] Seeing something new?

[37:46] Feeling emotions, perhaps, that you haven't felt before?

[37:49] It's a remake.

[37:51] At a certain point.

Elliott Kalan

[37:53] I'm not really getting a sense of where I'm going.

[37:55] But okay.

Dan McCoy

[37:55] You crave the idea that, like, I don't know, a bunch of tigers would jump at you or something

[38:01] just to make you feel alive, goddammit.

[38:04] Okay, he's got it.

[38:05] He's on the floor.

[38:05] You know, this work-a-day world, sitting at home in Los Angeles, typing away at a typeboard.

[38:12] That's what they're called, right?

[38:13] I don't know, because I live in a world of excitement and adventure.

[38:17] I haven't seen one of your typeboards in months.

[38:21] I've been here finding gold or some shit.

[38:24] I don't even remember what happens in that movie.

[38:27] But it's all kind of adventure story style stuff, which sounds fun to me.

Elliott Kalan

[38:32] I'm going to give you one point, Dan.

[38:34] I feel like I—

[38:35] It's fair.

[38:36] You sold me on the idea that you like it so much that you live there.

[38:41] You're not just selling.

[38:43] You're a believer, a buyer.

[38:44] So that got me over the hump of the idea.

[38:46] I don't really want a bunch of tigers to jump at me.

Dan McCoy

[38:48] No, most times.

[38:51] It's better.

Elliott Kalan

[38:52] Yeah, to not have tigers jumping at you.

[38:54] So, Stuart, you each have one more in the round.

[38:56] Stuart, sell me on taking a trip to the low-budget recreation of the set from Casablanca

[39:03] in the movie Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, starring Raul Julia.

[39:07] He goes into a computer world and ends up in a low-budget, kind of crappy reproduction of the scenes from Casablanca.

[39:13] Why should I go on this trip?

Stuart Wellington

[39:15] Hey, yeah, you, the guy who's the number one fan of Casablanca but doesn't have the most money in the world.

[39:21] Would you like to go to a cheaper version of the thing you love?

[39:25] Do you like actor Raul Julia?

[39:28] Well, do I have something for you, buddy?

[39:31] It is this cheap reproduction of Casablanca from the movie Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.

Elliott Kalan

[39:38] I mean, you got it.

[39:39] I'm a movie lover on a budget.

[39:41] That's three points right there.

[39:44] Really?

[39:44] For sure.

[39:46] And Dan, but I'm sure you'll have just as much luck, Dan, with yours.

[39:48] Sell me on taking a trip to the eight-minute simulation of a train that keeps blowing up in the movie Source Code.

Stuart Wellington

[39:55] Oh, man.

[39:56] That's a rough one.

Dan McCoy

[39:58] Mondays, am I right?

[39:59] I don't want to go to work.

[40:03] You don't want to go to work.

[40:05] What if on the way to work, you know, you go partway through, you blow up before you even get to work.

[40:12] But then here's the kicker.

[40:14] Here's the best part.

[40:15] You don't die.

[40:16] You just reset.

[40:17] You go back eight minutes, you know?

[40:20] Provided that you've got a few good books, I say this is a great way to spend your vacation.

[40:27] A couple of months will fly by while you're in this time loop.

[40:33] And you can, you know, get all the chillax in time that you want.

[40:37] And you never have to worry about walking in that door at work on Monday morning.

Elliott Kalan

[40:42] You know, you kind of—

Stuart Wellington

[40:44] You have a sad ending of Source Code.

[40:45] You're like, well, at least he doesn't have to go to work anymore, man.

Elliott Kalan

[40:49] Yeah, that one, I'm giving you—I'm going to give you a point on that one, Dan.

[40:52] It's the singularity now or whatever.

[40:53] You did tap into my fantasy of just being able to sit for eternity reading books.

[40:58] And if it's rebooted, I can kind of remember where I left off probably.

[41:03] And eventually after, you know, a couple thousand explosions, I'll be finished with that book.

[41:07] So that's the end of that round.

[41:08] Looking at the scores, oh my god, this is amazing.

[41:11] You guys are still both tied.

[41:13] Wow.

[41:13] 11 to 11 at the end of round two.

[41:16] That's so us.

[41:17] Let's take a very short break from Computer Games to just tell you a quick word about our upcoming live show in Boston, Massachusetts.

[41:25] That's right.

[41:26] On July 26th, we are going to be live in your face if you're there in Boston, Massachusetts at DBUR City Space.

[41:33] We're going to do an all-new show.

[41:34] It's going to be super fun.

[41:36] We haven't decided on the movie yet, but it's going to be great.

[41:39] So if you're—

Dan McCoy

[41:40] Did you say DBUR City Space?

[41:42] WBUR City Space.

[41:43] WBUR, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[41:44] WBUR City Space, just like the hit TV show WBUR in Boston Addy.

[41:50] If you're coming to the show, why not let us know what movie you want to see?

[41:55] Maybe we'll—we can't guarantee we'll watch that one, but it might be interesting to see what Boston wants to hear about.

[42:00] But go to flophousepodcast.com slash events on your internet computer browser.

[42:05] Go into your computer.

[42:06] Don't get sucked into a computer world.

[42:08] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash events and get all your tickets and info there.

[42:13] July 26th.

[42:14] We're going to be in Boston, Massachusetts.

[42:15] I'm really looking forward to it.

[42:16] The last time we were in Boston, we did some great shows.

[42:19] We had some great audiences.

[42:20] It's been years, and I can't wait to get a taste of that delicious bean town one more time.

S4

[42:29] The greatest generation has been going for more than eight years.

S5

[42:34] And if you've been greatest gen curious but have never taken the leap, we recommend exploring your greatest gen curiosity in a safe, fun environment with partners you can trust.

[42:46] And right now is one of the best times ever to become a new listener.

S4

[42:49] That's because we just started covering a new series, Star Trek Enterprise, one of the horniest and weirdest editions of Star Trek ever released.

S5

[42:59] This is your chance to ease into the greatest generation lifestyle.

S4

[43:02] The greatest generation, now covering Star Trek Enterprise, the one with Scott Bakula, every Monday on MaximumFun.org or in your podcast app.

Justin McElroy

[43:12] Hey, Sydney, you're a physician and the co-host of Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine, right?

[43:16] That's true, Justin.

[43:17] Is it true that our medical history podcast is just as good as a visit to your primary care physician?

S7

[43:23] No, Justin, that is absolutely not true.

[43:25] However, our podcast is funny and interesting and a great way to learn about the medical misdeeds of the past as well as some current not-so-legit health care fads.

Justin McElroy

[43:35] So you're saying that by listening to our podcast, people will feel better?

[43:38] Sure.

[43:38] And isn't that the same reason that you go to the doctor?

S7

[43:41] Well, you could say that.

[43:43] And our podcast is free.

[43:44] Yes, it is free.

Justin McElroy

[43:46] You heard it here first, folks.

[43:47] Sawbones, marital tour of misguided medicine, right here on Maximum Fun, just as good as going to the doctor.

S7

[43:52] No, no, no.

[43:53] Still not just as good as going to the doctor, but pretty good.

[43:56] It's up there.

Elliott Kalan

[43:57] So, guys, we're back to computer games and we're up to round three.

[44:01] To remind everyone who might have stepped away during the commercial, the score is 11 to 11.

[44:06] Dan and Stuart are tied.

[44:08] It's amazing.

[44:08] This is amazing.

[44:10] And so this is a round where we're going to talk about computer person movies.

[44:14] Maybe a person comes out of a computer.

[44:16] Maybe someone has a brain with a computer in it.

[44:18] A computer takes on a physical form.

[44:19] Like virtuosity.

[44:21] Yeah, yeah.

[44:22] Maybe a computer takes on a physical form that is different from just a robot.

[44:25] The point is the melding of man and machine is complete.

[44:27] And this represents humanity's fear of technology or whatever.

[44:31] And so we're going to play a game that's called fmk.exe.

Stuart Wellington

[44:37] FMk.exe.

Elliott Kalan

[44:39] And this is the classic game of fuck, marry, kill with characters who happen to be computer people.

[44:47] And this is going to be – I think I'm trying to decide whether you guys should each have your own sets of people or if you're competing with what you think.

[44:53] This is the flop us after dark section, I guess.

[44:54] Should we each them?

[44:54] Yeah, yeah.

[44:55] This is very much after dark.

Dan McCoy

[44:56] Put the kids to bed.

[44:58] I think we should each have our personal ratings on each and you can decide which persuades you the most.

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] All right.

[45:06] So this is the first one and you're each going to get your turn.

[45:08] So you know what?

[45:09] We'll take turns with who goes first for each one.

[45:10] Okay.

[45:11] So Dan, it's your turn to go first.

[45:12] Then Stuart, you give your answer.

[45:13] So fmk – you know, to make it safe for kids, instead of fuck, marry, kill, we'll just say finger, marry, kill.

[45:21] So that's better, right?

[45:23] I don't think so.

[45:24] Who am I going to finger?

[45:26] Who is it?

[45:26] No, it's full-on hardcore sex, Dan.

[45:28] So sex, marry, kill.

[45:30] Dan, these are your choices for this one.

[45:32] Johnny Mnemonic from Johnny Mnemonic.

[45:33] He's got a computer in his head.

[45:35] Great.

[45:35] Lisa from Weird Science.

[45:37] She came out of a computer.

[45:38] Or Lobot from Empire Strikes Back.

[45:41] Everyone's favorite computer-headed guy.

[45:42] So easy.

[45:43] So Dan, fmk, who's it going to be?

[45:46] For which one?

Dan McCoy

[45:49] See, well, here's the classic problem with this.

[45:55] So if you're married to this person, you presumably – like, do you also have a sexual relationship with them?

[46:00] Or it's just like – and the fuck is just like, oh, I'm just going to bang it out one night.

[46:05] Yeah, which one is a one-night stand and which one is a –

Elliott Kalan

[46:07] Yeah, that's the –

[46:08] With the fuck aspect, it's all physical.

[46:10] There's no emotional aspect.

[46:11] With Mary, you're emotionally entangled with this person in addition to being physically entangled with this person.

[46:16] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[46:19] Although, you know, there's a certain – you know, you have to admit that there's a certain, like, fantastic element to the idea of, like, there's someone who will provide you with whatever, like, you need in life.

[46:32] This dude is talking about Lobot.

[46:35] Talking about, of course, weird science.

[46:37] But, like, the moral of that – like, eventually the boys have to put away that childish adolescent fantasy.

[46:43] Sure.

[46:44] And be with, you know, human beings who have their own full desires and emotional lives.

[46:50] Sure.

[46:50] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[46:50] So –

[46:51] We're talking about you, Dan.

[46:52] What are you –

[46:53] No, I'm just saying.

Dan McCoy

[46:54] I think that that means that I would have to marry, of course, Johnny Mnemonic.

Elliott Kalan

[47:01] I mean, if you can't even pronounce his name, are you going to be like, what's your name, sir?

[47:05] I'm Daniel Mnemonic.

[47:07] Why don't you just keep your own name?

Dan McCoy

[47:08] Keanu with those soulful eyes.

[47:11] And, of course, fuck Lisa from Weird Science.

[47:14] That's her name, right?

[47:15] Yes, Lisa.

[47:16] And Lobot, I have no personal grievance against you, but I'll have – you have to fall.

[47:23] One must fall, so it's you, Lobot.

[47:25] I'm sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[47:26] Okay, Stuart, what do you feel?

[47:27] Well, Dan and I, not on the same page at all.

[47:30] Obviously, I'm fucking Lobot because that dude is hot as shit.

[47:34] I've got to marry Lisa because I feel like we – you know, I feel like we have a lot in common.

[47:39] And, obviously, human relationships, they're not all that's cracked up to be.

[47:42] And then I've got to kill Johnny Mnemonic because I'm trying to get the favors of the Yakuza and Takeshi Katano.

Dan McCoy

[47:52] Dan, what do you have to say to that?

[47:54] I mean, I think Stuart's energy really sold that one.

[47:58] I'll tell you what sold that one.

Elliott Kalan

[47:59] Stuart's energy and also that Stuart is much more correct than you, Dan.

[48:04] Because the minute you said kill Lobot, you were losing this one.

[48:08] That is not happening.

[48:09] You kill Johnny Mnemonic so that you can get in good with Takeshi Katano.

[48:13] You fuck Lisa, and you marry Lobot.

[48:15] Lobot is a provider.

[48:16] You see his relationship with Lando.

[48:17] So I was close.

[48:18] Lando and Lobot have the deepest emotional connection of any two Star Wars characters.

[48:23] And so that's what you do.

[48:24] So, Stuart, you're going to get – you get partial credit.

[48:27] So that's one point because it's two points.

[48:30] Actually, no, it's three points for correct.

[48:31] So you know what?

[48:31] You're going to get, yeah, one point for that.

[48:33] I'm glad there's a correct answer in this game.

[48:36] There has to be.

[48:37] Okay.

[48:37] So this next one.

[48:38] Okay, Stuart, you get your first shot at this one.

[48:41] Dexter Riley from The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes, Job Smith played by Jeff Fahey from The Lawnmower Man, or Job Smith played by Matt Frewer from The Lawnmower Man 2 Beyond Cyberspace.

[48:51] Fuck, marry, kill.

[48:52] Which of those three?

Stuart Wellington

[48:54] Okay, I'm going to marry Job played by Jeff Fahey because I feel like he's going through a lot of growth and he's got a lot to learn.

[49:02] I got to fuck Matt Frewer because, man, what a fucking Stone Cold Fox.

[49:05] And I guess that means I got to kill The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes.

[49:09] Bye.

[49:10] Okay, Dan, what do you say?

Elliott Kalan

[49:11] Fuck, marry, kill, Dexter Riley, Job Smith, Jeff Fahey, or Job Smith, Matt Frewer?

Dan McCoy

[49:15] I am going to marry Dexter Riley because, I mean, that's Kurt Russell.

[49:21] So I'm fulfilling the dream of marrying Kurt Russell.

[49:24] I'm going to kill, sorry, I'm going to fuck Jeff Fahey as the lawnmower man who's got a real, like, sleazy, do-anything-in-bed energy to him,

[49:36] but is ultimately, you know, a psychotic person that you wouldn't want to stick around with.

[49:41] And then kill Frewer, who I have not seen in the sequels, but I can only assume gives more of an irritating performance as the lawnmower man.

[49:53] I love Matt Frewer.

[49:54] I'm just saying that I think the energy is probably going to be like—

Stuart Wellington

[49:56] Yeah, it's more of a—he's got—he uses up a little too much headroom.

[50:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:00] Too much headroom.

[50:01] The maximum amount of headroom.

[50:03] Dan, you know what?

[50:05] I'm going to give you a point for your description of Jeff Fahey and why you would have sex with him.

[50:10] I think that's fair.

[50:10] Yeah, that makes sense, actually.

[50:11] But, Stuart, you get three points because you were exactly right.

[50:15] You killed extra Riley.

[50:16] You marry Fahey.

[50:17] You fuck Frewer because Frewer's got jackhammer energy.

[50:20] You know that that's going to be a wild night, whereas Fahey, you can change him.

[50:23] Maybe you can save him, you know?

[50:25] Yeah, that's right.

[50:25] So that's three points for Stuart.

[50:27] Dan, this is not your round so far.

[50:29] But maybe that'll turn around with this next one because, Dan, you got first shot at this.

[50:33] So, fuck, marry, kill.

[50:35] Samantha from her.

[50:36] This is the computer voice that Joaquin Phoenix falls in love with.

Stuart Wellington

[50:41] So would you actually have sex with her or would she just talk you off?

Elliott Kalan

[50:44] Well, I mean, that's a form of sex.

[50:46] You know, the mind is the largest irauch in its zone and all that.

[50:50] Samantha from her.

[50:51] Seth, the self-evolving thought helix from—the evil computer that gives itself the body of Michael Jai White in Universal Soldier, The Return.

[50:59] Or it's come up already in conversation, Sid 6.7 from Virtuosity.

[51:06] So that's Samantha from her, Seth from Universal Soldier, The Return, or Sid from Virtuosity.

Dan McCoy

[51:14] I think I'm going to have to marry her because, I mean, like, it's just a very, like, she's a very comforting presence.

[51:26] I think over time it would be just, you know, just a comfort, a helpful comfort all times.

[51:33] Sid has to go.

[51:34] He's a murderer and would terrify me.

[51:38] And I guess that means that I have to fuck the Universal Soldier computer even though I have no particular feeling about it one way or the other.

Stuart Wellington

[51:45] Okay.

[51:46] I feel like Dan's partially correct.

[51:48] I feel like you definitely have to fuck the Universal Soldier, you know, because it's Michael J. White, the body on that one, right?

[51:56] He was spawned for God's sake.

[51:58] He was spawned.

[51:59] He was Black Dynamite.

[52:00] Come on.

[52:00] He's amazing.

[52:02] And let's see.

[52:04] I would have to kill her because it's just too bad.

[52:09] But, like, I need, like, a little, I need something a little more physical, you know?

[52:14] You need on the bones.

[52:15] Yeah.

[52:17] And then I guess that means I'm marrying.

Elliott Kalan

[52:20] It doesn't even have bones on the bones, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[52:23] Yeah.

[52:23] Then I'm marrying Sid because I feel like I need that kind of, well, I certainly could change him.

[52:30] But also, like, I need that, like, a little bit of, I like a bad boy, you know?

[52:34] I like a little bit of bad boy chaotic energy.

Elliott Kalan

[52:35] That thrill of not knowing what day he's going to murder you.

Dan McCoy

[52:38] A little bit of a bad boy.

[52:39] The man made up of several, like, serial killer profiles.

[52:45] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[52:46] This one, wow, I didn't think it was going to happen.

[52:49] What a turnaround.

[52:49] Dan, you are exactly right.

[52:51] You got three points on that one.

[52:53] You got to kill Sid.

[52:54] He's a murderer.

[52:55] Come on.

[52:55] Get him out of there.

[52:56] And you marry her because she's going to be, she's the most emotionally mature of them.

[53:01] But you got to have sex with Michael Jai White.

[53:02] You got to do it, you know?

[53:03] So, Stuart, I'm going to give you one point for that one.

[53:08] Now, there's only one left in this.

[53:09] So, this is, again, fuck, marry, kill.

[53:11] Stuart, you answer this one first.

[53:13] So.

Elliott Kalan

[53:14] For resetting.

[53:15] Here are your options.

[53:16] Trickster from Brain Scan.

[53:18] The evil video game character, Trickster from Brain Scan.

[53:21] Oh, yes.

Stuart Wellington

[53:22] I know who he is.

Elliott Kalan

[53:24] Simone, the virtual actress from the movie Sim 1, starring Al Pacino.

[53:30] Oh, yeah.

[53:31] Or the combo of Matako, Kasanagi, and the puppet master from the end of Ghost in the Shell,

[53:36] where they've merged into one being.

[53:38] But bonus option.

[53:40] You can also choose, as one of your alternatives, the holographic split personality projections

[53:45] of Agent Sebastian, a.k.a.

[53:47] the toy maker, the human hacker imprisoned in cyberspace with AI personalities from Spy Kids 3D Game Over,

[53:52] played by Sylvester Stallone.

[53:54] So, once again, your choices are Trickster from Brain Scan.

[53:56] Yes.

[53:57] Simone, the virtual actress from Sim 1.

[54:00] The combo of Kusanagi and the puppet master from the end of Ghost in the Shell,

[54:03] or the AI personalities.

[54:06] Or I can swap them out, yeah.

[54:08] Yeah, the toy maker.

[54:09] You know.

[54:09] You don't have to use all of them.

[54:11] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[54:11] Okay.

[54:12] So, somebody could just be left on the side.

[54:16] Yeah.

[54:17] Ooh, okay.

[54:17] This is a really hard one, and I have to go first, huh?

[54:20] Wow, that's really tough.

[54:21] But I think I can do this.

[54:24] So, man, Trickster from Brain Scan, I'm going to have to say Mary.

[54:31] Wow.

[54:34] I just feel like he's really committed, and he pays a lot of attention to Eddie Furlong in that.

[54:39] So, I feel like I like that kind of attention.

[54:42] I like that kind of attention paid toward me, you know?

[54:44] Yeah.

[54:45] Okay.

[54:46] And, yeah, so maybe he's psychotic and gaslights me into thinking I'm killing people,

[54:51] or maybe I am killing people.

[54:52] Am I killing people?

[54:53] Who knows?

[54:54] Am I just playing a game?

[54:56] So, that's that.

[54:57] I got that taken care of.

[55:00] I'm going to have to kill.

[55:01] Wait.

[55:03] Wait.

[55:03] Who's?

[55:04] Oh.

[55:06] I'll get.

[55:07] I guess I'll have sex with Al Pacino's robot girlfriend.

[55:11] Well, not his girlfriend.

[55:12] He's his client.

[55:13] Oh.

[55:13] He's like an agent or a manager or director or something.

[55:16] Oh, okay.

[55:17] Yeah.

[55:17] Well, that's fine.

Dan McCoy

[55:18] Part of the, part of Stuart's interest was the idea.

[55:20] And then I guess I'm going to have to kill Al Pacino.

Elliott Kalan

[55:22] You were more interested when you were cuckolding Al Pacino than anything else.

[55:26] Yeah.

[55:27] I guess that's why you were pursuing Beverly D'Angelo for so long, you know?

[55:30] Oh.

[55:31] You know it.

Stuart Wellington

[55:34] I mean, for a large part of my life, the answer to that is yes.

[55:37] The, I guess that means I'm going to have to kill Kusanagi if, or I'm going to attempt

[55:43] to.

[55:43] But Kusanagi's a wily combatant, so we'll see how that works out.

[55:46] Oh, there's no way you're surviving that.

Elliott Kalan

[55:47] You've sealed your doom.

[55:49] Dan, what about you?

[55:50] Do you want me to tell you what the options are?

Stuart Wellington

[55:52] No, I got it.

Elliott Kalan

[55:54] Because it's Trickster from Brain Scans, Simone from Sim 1, that combo of Kusanagi and Pum

[55:58] Master from Ghost of the Shell, and of course, the holographic split personality AI projections

[56:04] of Agent Sebastian, aka the Toymaker, from Spy Kids 3D Game Over.

Dan McCoy

[56:08] Yeah.

[56:09] Well, here's the thing.

[56:10] I certainly have my hedonistic side, but I think overall, I'm too vanilla in my needs

[56:18] to go for anyone other than Simone for my marriage.

[56:24] Beautiful, highly accomplished actress who presumably, you know, is bringing, is a breadwinner

[56:31] from her Hollywood stardom.

[56:35] Yeah, huge star, yeah.

[56:37] Yeah, because they pay computers a lot of money.

[56:40] Well, aren't they like tricking people that this is real in the movie?

[56:43] I can't even remember.

Elliott Kalan

[56:44] I think they are, that's true.

[56:45] But I mean, this literally was what we just went on strike about, was not replacing human

[56:49] actors with AI.

[56:50] So it's interesting that you're literally sleeping with the enemy on this one.

[56:52] But okay.

Dan McCoy

[56:53] Yes, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[56:54] But this was for marriage, you're saying, Simone?

[56:56] Yeah.

[56:56] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[56:57] Fuck the trickster, because must know if you trick in bed, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[57:03] Yeah.

[57:04] I've seen what he did.

[57:05] When he puts Eddie Furlong's whole head in his mouth?

[57:08] Yeah.

[57:09] His throat game goes crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[57:11] Because that's what you want, is a huge mouth.

Stuart Wellington

[57:14] Yeah.

[57:15] And Elliot, some of us have specific requirements.

Elliott Kalan

[57:18] Yeah, that's true.

[57:19] I forgot.

Dan McCoy

[57:19] And whether it's the hybrid creature or Stallone, that's too scary for me.

[57:23] So I'm afraid they'll have to be killed.

Elliott Kalan

[57:25] Both of them.

[57:26] Okay.

[57:27] Wow.

[57:28] Let's take a look at this.

[57:29] So the correct answers are, of course, that you do marry Simone.

[57:35] So Dan, that's great right there.

[57:36] You kill trickster.

[57:38] You got to get rid of trickster.

[57:39] Sorry.

[57:39] And you have sex with those split personalities.

[57:43] You're having a foursome with three Sylvester Stallones.

[57:46] Sorry, guys.

[57:46] That's what you're going to have to do.

[57:48] So let's see.

[57:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:49] I guess we really biffed this one.

[57:51] But no, you know what?

[57:51] Stuart, I'm going to give you a point for marrying the trickster because I feel like that

[57:55] showed a depth of compassion that I certainly don't have, I guess.

[57:59] Yeah, and bravery.

[58:00] And Dan, I'm going to give you a one also for marrying Simone.

[58:05] So let's take a look at the ends of this.

[58:08] So this, ooh, the things are starting to heat up.

[58:11] We now have a difference in the scores.

[58:14] Stuart has taken a one-point lead after that round.

[58:19] The score is now Stuart, Dan, 22.

[58:24] No, sorry, not 22.

[58:25] Sorry.

[58:25] Dan, 16.

[58:26] Stuart, 17.

[58:28] So I accidentally added two numbers twice.

Dan McCoy

[58:30] This would sting if it didn't feel incredibly arbitrary.

Elliott Kalan

[58:34] Nothing gets more arbitrary than this.

Stuart Wellington

[58:36] No, as I said, I'm not particularly interested in games, but I think I might be coming around.

[58:40] I like this one.

Elliott Kalan

[58:41] Now, here's this next round.

[58:42] If you want arbitrary, let's get going because this is round four, the last kind of computer movie,

[58:47] movies where someone just uses a computer at some point in the movie.

[58:50] Now, this is a – so what we're going to do here is for a total of three points for the winner,

[58:57] which means whoever wins this round is the winner of the game.

[59:00] This is enough, Dan, for you to take the game.

[59:03] Each take turns naming movies where someone uses a computer until one of you runs out.

[59:08] And so this can, in theory, go on forever.

[59:10] So I'm calling this game Infinite Joust.

[59:14] Infinite Joust.

[59:15] It's back and forth, right?

[59:16] So just back and forth.

[59:18] Dan, you started first last time, right?

[59:20] I believe.

[59:21] So Stuart, you start.

[59:23] You just name a movie where someone uses a computer.

[59:24] Dan, you do the same, and we'll see where this ends.

[59:27] Fireproof.

Dan McCoy

[59:29] Sneakers.

[59:30] Men, women, and children.

[59:31] Clear and present danger.

Stuart Wellington

[59:34] Ghostbusters.

[59:36] Disclosure.

[59:39] Just Cause.

Dan McCoy

[59:40] Working Girl.

Stuart Wellington

[59:44] I don't got anything.

[59:45] You guys are running out fast.

[59:46] Wow.

[59:48] Commando.

[59:50] Hackers.

Elliott Kalan

[59:51] I was surprised hackers took this long to get to.

[59:55] Predator.

[59:55] The net.

[59:58] Do they use a computer in Predator?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:00] I think the Predator, I guess, uses a computer.

[1:00:02] Fair.

[1:00:03] Okay, Dan, you saved him.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:04] He uses a computer on his wrist.

[1:00:05] Yeah, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:06] Oh, man.

[1:00:07] Dan was my lifeline on that one.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:09] It's rare when your opponent steps in as your lifeline, but it was a good choice.

[1:00:14] Sleepless in Seattle.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:16] Adaptation.

[1:00:16] You've got mail.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:21] Come on, Dan.

[1:00:22] It's the most common piece of personal electronics than a phone.

[1:00:26] Make Mr. Right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:29] What women want.

[1:00:31] Do they use a computer in What Women Want?

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:33] I think they work in an office.

[1:00:35] Probably.

[1:00:35] There's probably computers in there.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:38] You know what?

[1:00:39] I can't remember any other computer movies.

[1:00:41] I can't remember any of them.

[1:00:43] Really?

[1:00:43] None of them.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:44] No other movies where someone uses a computer?

Dan McCoy

[1:00:47] Elliot, I'm a simple man.

[1:00:48] I like games that end.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:51] Well, sorry.

[1:00:52] This one's not.

[1:00:52] I'm giving you one, Dan.

[1:00:53] I know who killed me.

[1:00:54] Where Lindsay Lohan looks up some information on a computer.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:57] Stu.

[1:00:57] Oh, wow.

[1:00:58] Okay.

[1:00:59] Shit.

[1:01:00] Now I'm stumped.

[1:01:03] Transcendence.

[1:01:06] RoboCop.

[1:01:07] Fuck.

[1:01:07] That's a good one.

[1:01:08] RoboCop.

[1:01:08] That is a good one.

[1:01:09] Yeah.

[1:01:10] RoboCop 2.

[1:01:12] RoboCop 3.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:14] RoboCop 4.

[1:01:15] Well, there is no such thing.

[1:01:17] Oh, wow.

[1:01:19] But I'll accept the remake of RoboCop.

[1:01:22] So, Dan, that's up.

[1:01:22] Back to you.

[1:01:24] Starship Troopers.

[1:01:24] Oh, man.

[1:01:25] We're trapped here.

[1:01:27] There's no way to escape this one, Stuart.

[1:01:29] So, he says Starship Troopers.

[1:01:30] What do you say to that?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:31] Oh, man.

[1:01:31] Where's the Minotaur at the center of this labyrinth?

[1:01:37] Labyrinth.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:40] Oh, okay.

[1:01:41] You know what?

[1:01:42] That's – I think there's – I don't think there is a computer in labyrinth.

[1:01:47] Listeners, write in.

[1:01:48] Is there a computer in labyrinth?

[1:01:49] Is there a computer in labyrinth?

[1:01:49] I think there is.

[1:01:50] I think there is.

[1:01:51] But, you know, it's possible that you are thinking of the movie Big in which there is a kind of fantasy computer game at the beginning.

[1:01:58] So, we'll say Big for Stuart.

[1:01:59] Dan, you're up next.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:00] Oh, that's what's happening?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:02] I think so, right?

[1:02:02] He's playing like a game or something.

[1:02:04] I think I remember that, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:02:13] The Mill on the Floss.

[1:02:15] That's a movie, right?

[1:02:18] Not just a book.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:18] I mean, it's a book.

[1:02:19] I don't know if they made it.

[1:02:20] I mean, there wouldn't be a computer in it because it's an old book.

[1:02:23] Miller's Crossing.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:24] Oh, damn.

[1:02:24] I made a terrible mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:26] Oh, no.

[1:02:26] Oh, and then Stuart compounded it.

[1:02:28] Miller's Crossing also does not have any computers in it.

[1:02:30] Are you sure?

[1:02:32] Can your listeners –

[1:02:33] Let me just Google it.

[1:02:34] Listeners write in and tell us, you guys, you've defeated my – you've defeated the evil computer Elliot who thought he had trapped you, but you found a way out.

[1:02:43] You found a hidden backdoor by naming movies that are set in the past and therefore don't have computers in them.

[1:02:49] In this way, you are both winners.

[1:02:51] You have won by defeating the program.

[1:02:53] Oh, my God.

[1:02:53] Dragon Slayer.

[1:02:54] We did it.

[1:02:55] We got out of this.

[1:02:55] Stuart, you don't have to do it anymore.

[1:02:56] You did it already.

[1:02:58] I know.

[1:02:58] He's cutting the loop.

[1:02:59] You've escaped this game world.

[1:03:00] And so I guess the only question I've left is, if Elliot was a computer acronym, what would it stand for?

[1:03:06] Electronic.

[1:03:07] Liar.

[1:03:10] Loves.

[1:03:12] Idioms.

[1:03:14] Or tater tots.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:17] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:18] Accurate.

[1:03:19] That's not even a computer acronym.

[1:03:20] That would just be an acronym for me.

[1:03:21] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:21] I'm going to say, everybody, ladies love ichthyosaurs.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:34] Yeah.

[1:03:35] Well, you did it.

[1:03:37] Great work, both you guys.

[1:03:38] I think you're both winners, not because of the score, but because you have managed to break the game and escape from the horrifying computer game world that I trapped you in.

[1:03:46] Yeah, did it.

[1:03:47] Oh, no, does not compute, does not compute.

[1:03:50] And then there's smoke coming out of me and sparks, and you've got, you've got sparks and smoke sound effects.

[1:03:55] Yeah, and you guys run out just as the building explodes.

[1:03:58] Add in some explosion sound effects.

[1:04:00] Oh, phew.

[1:04:00] And now you've won the day, except camera pans down to your phone, where there's a little winking me gif that said that as if, uh-oh, have I reproduced myself?

[1:04:12] Do I follow you where you don't?

[1:04:13] No, no, we've got a little stinker on our hands.

[1:04:14] Yeah, the end, question mark.

[1:04:16] Well, that was this week's Flophouse Mini.

[1:04:18] Thanks, guys, for playing these super dumb games.

[1:04:21] Thanks, everybody, for listening to our super dumb games.

[1:04:23] Please rate or review this show if you like it.

[1:04:27] Go to, you know, your podcast app or whatever and give us a five-star rating.

[1:04:31] Tell people that you like us so other people can find us.

[1:04:34] We are, of course, a Maximum Fun podcast.

[1:04:36] I'd like to thank the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:04:38] Go to MaximumFun.org for other great podcasts that are kind of like ours but also kind of not like ours and some that are not like ours at all.

[1:04:46] And some that, well, there's none just like ours except for us, the Flophouse.

[1:04:50] We are produced, of course, and edited by one Alex Smith.

[1:04:53] He goes under the name Howell Doughty online.

[1:04:56] Please check out his work because he's great, and I'm sure he added all sorts of cool beeps and boops to this one that made it sound cool.

[1:05:03] Alex, why don't you add some beeps and boops to this one?

[1:05:06] If you would like to buy, let's say, like, Jumbotron space to advertise something on the podcast or to just, you know, send a message to someone that you love to show them the power of love that defeats so many evil computers, just go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron.

[1:05:24] And otherwise, please join us in Boston in July or join us next week on another episode of The Flophouse.

[1:05:33] Until then, I remain the computer intelligence known as Elliot, evil, what was it, evil liar loves tater tots.

[1:05:41] I don't remember how to spell my name.

[1:05:43] And who have I been, who have been my contestants slash players slash prisoners this week?

Dan McCoy

[1:05:47] I've been Dan, don't answer now.

[1:05:55] That was terrible.

[1:05:56] I'm sorry.

[1:05:56] You know, I already checked out.

[1:05:58] Sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:59] And I've been Stu, simulation, technology, user.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:07] Well, that's pretty good.

[1:06:08] Excellent.

[1:06:09] That's great.

[1:06:10] Until then, everybody, make sure you're not living in a computer world right now.

[1:06:14] Or if you are living in a computer world, make the most of it.

[1:06:17] Do something fun today.

[1:06:18] Enjoy that computer world stuff.

[1:06:20] And we'll see you next time.

[1:06:23] Bye.

[1:06:26] Beep boop.

Dan McCoy

[1:06:31] Here we are.

[1:06:32] The Flophouse 3.

[1:06:35] That should be our new jingle.

[1:06:36] That should be our loop.

[1:06:37] Alex, that's our new jingle.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06:39] Alex, that's our new jingle.

[1:06:40] Flip that shit out looping.

[1:06:42] Don't even bother to do another take, Dan.

[1:06:43] That was perfect.

[1:06:44] That was perfect.

[1:06:45] You just recorded your first number one hit.

[1:06:50] Maximum Fun.

[1:06:51] A worker-owned network.

[1:06:53] Of artists-owned shows.

[1:06:55] Supported.

[1:06:55] Directly.

[1:06:56] By you.

FH Mini 104 - Computer Games

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