Ep.#429 - Under Paris

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Under Paris.

[0:04] That's what it's called?

[0:06] Yes, that's what it's called.

[0:08] I think that's where it stands.

[0:09] I can't even remember.

[0:10] Let me look.

[0:12] Under Paris?

[0:13] Yeah, it's Under Paris.

[0:14] You don't have to look.

Stuart Wellington

[0:15] I just watched it.

[0:16] Okay.

[0:30] Hey, everyone.

Dan McCoy

[0:41] Welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:42] I'm Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:43] Oh, hey there, Dan McCoy.

[0:44] It's me, Stuart Wellington, your friend.

[0:46] Oh.

[0:47] And another friend of yours who is also here is me, Elliot Kalin.

[0:49] And later in the show, I'm going to be telling everybody about our upcoming live streaming video.

[0:54] Well, not live.

[0:55] Or our streaming video premiere event.

[0:57] Anyway, we've got an all-new stage pilot, edited, and shot video of one of our live shows.

[1:02] If you weren't at that show, you've never seen it.

[1:05] And guess what?

[1:06] It's got special guest, Hallie Haglund, the star of the show in that show.

[1:10] If you want to know more about it and you just cannot wait, go to flophousepodcast.com slash events and look for Three Men and a Hallie.

[1:18] Otherwise, wait until later in the episode, and I'll tell you all about it.

[1:21] You can be patient or impatient.

[1:22] It's your choice.

[1:23] You're the boss of your life.

[1:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:26] You're in control of your own emotions, which is a thing I didn't learn until way too late in life, you know?

[1:31] Uh-huh.

[1:31] Wait, you're in control of your emotions?

[1:33] I know.

[1:33] It's weird.

[1:33] So why are you like this?

[1:35] I know.

[1:35] Well, I can be.

[1:38] Let's say it's within my power.

[1:42] You're accountable for them.

[1:43] I'm weak like all of humanity.

[1:46] By the way, I'm glad you—

Elliott Kalan

[1:47] You don't know the strength of a newly evolved strain of Super Shark, let's say.

[1:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:52] A Sigma male Super Shark.

[1:54] Well, first, I'd like to thank you both for identifying yourself as my friends, so I know why I've welcomed you into my home, Stuart in person, Elliot virtually.

[2:04] Secondly, I should explain to you—

Elliott Kalan

[2:05] Do you only watch TV shows starring people that are your friends?

[2:08] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[2:10] Unless you're out of the house.

[2:11] Uh-huh.

[2:11] Dave Letterman always used to say.

[2:13] Uh-huh.

[2:14] Yeah, that's true.

[2:15] What was I saying?

[2:16] Oh, yeah, for new listeners, and I don't recommend it.

[2:19] Not I don't recommend listening to the show.

[2:23] I don't recommend being a new listener.

[2:24] You really should have been a listener for a long time.

[2:27] Yeah, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] Dan, for someone who's just writing about controlling his own emotions, you're asking people to control the flow of time at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[2:34] Yeah, well—

[2:35] No, get there, Dan.

[2:36] I'm waiting.

[2:37] I'm not listening before.

Elliott Kalan

[2:40] There's a little baby who just could not have listened before.

[2:43] It was just born yesterday, and it's like, goo-goo-ga-ga, let me try.

[2:46] And then Dan said that, and it's going, wah, wah, wah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:48] Yeah, there's a guy who had his ears blown off, and he had to get transplanted ears.

[2:52] Yeah, robo-ears.

[2:53] And he's listening for the first time, and he's like, I'm going to finally check out a cool podcast.

[2:56] Yeah, I mean, there are situations.

Elliott Kalan

[2:57] He's like, ever since they transplanted the ears of a serial killer onto my head, I've only been able to hear the screams of his victims.

[3:04] But maybe this podcast will help cover that.

Dan McCoy

[3:06] I mean, in that baby's case, obviously, it was the mother's fault for not playing the podcast to the baby in utero.

[3:13] But—

[3:13] Good point.

[3:14] You know, without—

[3:15] Wait, is the baby a serial killer?

[3:17] What's the—

[3:17] These are two different stories, Stuart.

[3:19] Oh, yeah.

[3:19] But yes, the baby, it will grow up to be a serial killer, but it's unrelated.

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:22] Yeah, okay.

[3:23] The point is, I was trying to set the stage by letting new listeners know that this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie, and then we talk about it.

[3:33] Now, when I say bad movie, we don't really know.

[3:35] We haven't seen it before, but that's the word on the street.

[3:38] So, we'll let you know what we think.

[3:40] It's a little podcast called The Flophouse, and you're listening to it already.

[3:45] Coming soon.

[3:45] I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[3:47] The crazy thing is Dan has this whole thing scripted out and written down.

[3:51] Meticulously.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] It says in parentheses, as if not sure what he's talking about.

Dan McCoy

[3:56] I also anticipated all of your interjections.

[4:00] So, anyway, for this episode, as we said, we watched Under Paris.

[4:05] Under Paris, yeah.

[4:06] Okay.

[4:07] Or as I pitched it to Netflix, it should be called Swimmily in Paris because then there's synergy.

Stuart Wellington

[4:13] What kind of notes did you get back on that one?

[4:15] They're not answering my emails.

[4:19] It's understandable.

[4:20] Because this is a Netflix movie, so in order for us to watch it, I had to email Netflix,

[4:24] and then they put within three to five business days, they put the DVD in the mail and sent it to me.

[4:28] It arrived.

[4:29] I put it in my Xbox 360, which played it.

[4:33] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[4:33] I mean, this is Netflix in America.

[4:35] I think, you know, was this in France a theatrical release?

Stuart Wellington

[4:40] It was an international hit according to Netflix.

[4:43] It was a big hit when it first dropped on the platform.

Dan McCoy

[4:45] I mean, everything they have is a big hit.

[4:47] And now it's washing up on our shores.

[4:49] They've never lied.

[4:50] Like a mako shark or a new species of shark, question mark.

[4:54] Anyway, I'm spoiling the summary.

[4:56] One thing I think we should mention.

Elliott Kalan

[4:58] One thing we should mention.

[4:58] It's called Under Paris.

[5:00] And this is, I believe, the first French language movie that we have ever covered on the podcast, right?

Stuart Wellington

[5:07] Yeah, I mean, we did the Quebecois Celine Dion, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:12] But that was, I think that was in French, wasn't it?

[5:15] For some of it, at least.

[5:17] Which one was that?

[5:18] It was the one that was not about Celine Dion.

[5:21] Oh, you know what?

[5:21] That was mostly in French.

Elliott Kalan

[5:25] Forget what I said.

[5:27] Erase what I said.

[5:28] I completely forgot adult head on top of baby body.

[5:32] Celine Dion.

[5:33] I would say you blocked it out rather than you forgot it.

[5:36] This was the second episode of Le Chateau du Flop rather than the first episode.

[5:40] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:40] It is.

[5:41] I believe you called it Le Chateau du Flop.

Elliott Kalan

[5:43] Yeah.

[5:43] So this is the second French language movie that we've done.

[5:47] But the first French language movie that's all France rather than Canadian French language.

Dan McCoy

[5:52] Should I get the scoreboard out again?

[5:54] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:54] Yeah, I think you have to.

[5:55] Well, and if you're a listener who likes to categorize all the episodes after you download them and save them,

[5:59] you can put this into the Chateau du Flop section.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:04] Okay.

[6:06] Guys, I did the summary on this one.

[6:08] As I said, I did it yelling into my notes app doing dictation because I was on the treadmill.

[6:14] But you know what?

[6:15] I think it caught some of the magic and excitement of this nail-biting adventure.

[6:20] It's a balls-to-the-wall fish fest.

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:24] It's a real thrill ride.

[6:26] So, of course, the movie begins with a quote.

[6:30] Mm-hmm.

[6:31] The species that survive aren't the strongest nor the most intelligent, but the best to adapt to change.

[6:39] How do you feel about that, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[6:41] I mean, it's just, you know, it's a Charles Darwin quote about evolution.

Elliott Kalan

[6:45] What I like about this is that then it said adapted from Charles Darwin.

[6:48] They didn't get an exact quote.

[6:50] They were like, hey, he's long-winded.

[6:53] Let's just give the gist of it, you know, the spirit.

Dan McCoy

[6:56] Because I was going to say I buy it coming from the source, but it's possible then that they retrofitted it to the theme of the movie, which is that sharks are going to conquer the earth.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] Do you think they initially were like, do we really want to write out the quote or do we just want to write strongest and then have like a regular, like barely firing brain?

[7:19] Like most intelligent, slightly firing brain, most able to adapt, and then it's like galaxy brain.

Elliott Kalan

[7:25] I think they could have done that, but it could have said strongest and then the words best fitted in the form of a shark could then gobble up those words.

Dan McCoy

[7:33] I mean, most movies don't typically start with memes, but I don't know why it hasn't happened yet.

[7:39] I'm kind of shocked, actually.

[7:41] I am.

Elliott Kalan

[7:41] So you'd say like you're going to make a movie and you're going to start it with like Dr. Phil as a green M&M getting married to Shrek just to get that meme energy in there?

Stuart Wellington

[7:50] Is that a meme or just like a piece of really good artwork?

[7:54] I mean, I guess at this point the Minions movies are just long memes.

[7:57] I mean, in a lot of ways, the thing is movies for the longest time have been a source for meme content.

[8:03] Wouldn't it be interesting if the movie was the meme?

Elliott Kalan

[8:09] I guarantee you, Stuart, someone's been trying to sell movies based on memes, I assume for the past couple of years.

Stuart Wellington

[8:15] The movie is the meme.

[8:20] We've seen the guy looking over his shoulder at the woman in the red dress, ignoring his girlfriend.

[8:25] What's their deal?

[8:26] How did they get there?

[8:27] It's pretty obvious.

Elliott Kalan

[8:28] You're probably wondering how you got to this place.

[8:29] Dan, I just want to correct.

[8:31] Stuart is not Marshall McLuhan.

[8:32] He's Marshall McGluehands.

[8:34] He accidentally got glue on his hands and then got them stuck on a copy of The Medium is the Message.

[8:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:40] The Medium is the Massage.

[8:42] So we're pretty deep into this movie already.

[8:44] Let's keep pushing for it.

[8:45] Let's keep slogging through this mess.

[8:47] So the movie opens on the garbage patch in the Atlantic Ocean.

[8:52] We have a team of French scientists.

Dan McCoy

[8:53] Where the kids are from, the garbage patch kids.

Stuart Wellington

[8:56] I knew one of you fuckers was going to make that joke when I woke up.

Dan McCoy

[8:59] Yeah, I mean, the only reason Elliot beat me to it was my more natural inclination to not jump in in the middle of a sentence.

[9:07] You were also drinking coffee, I think.

[9:09] That's true.

[9:10] There are two impediments.

Stuart Wellington

[9:11] Okay, so this team of divers is led by a scientist named Sophie or Sophia.

[9:17] The rest of the team I don't think get names.

[9:19] But one of them is her husband.

[9:21] So they're like floating around tagging sharks.

[9:24] They're doing some kind of shark tagging.

Elliott Kalan

[9:26] I just want to mention Sophia is played by Berenice Beho from The Artist.

[9:30] You'd recognize her possibly from the Best Picture winner, The Artist.

[9:33] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:34] The movie that everyone remembers.

[9:35] I don't think that that's true.

[9:38] The Artist, you called it?

[9:39] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:40] It was from 2011.

[9:41] Another French movie won Best Picture.

[9:43] It was literally the best movie that came out from France.

[9:46] It was mostly silence.

[9:47] In black and white.

[9:48] No, I don't.

[9:49] In when did it come out?

[9:50] And it was silent?

[9:51] 2011.

[9:52] You were a grown adult at the time.

[9:54] This doesn't sound familiar.

Dan McCoy

[9:54] And it stars Eddie the dog in Frazier.

[9:57] Oh, the dog.

[9:57] I remember the dog.

[9:58] Yeah, yeah.

[9:58] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[10:00] Okay.

[10:01] So these four divers jump in.

[10:03] They're tagging sharks.

[10:03] They're swimming around the garbage patch.

[10:05] Flying tag.

[10:05] They find a baby sperm whale that's caught up in all the trash.

[10:10] They get closer to it.

[10:11] And that sperm whale's got like trash coming out of its mouth.

[10:14] It is.

[10:14] If it wasn't like kind of ridiculous how much trash was stuffed into this whale, it would

[10:18] be sad.

[10:19] Yeah.

[10:19] It's also like, you know, it's a whale actor, right?

[10:22] It's not like a, it's not a dog.

[10:23] No, it's not a, no, I think it's probably a fake whale.

Elliott Kalan

[10:26] We're stuffed full of garbage for this movie.

[10:28] But like, like many podcasters, the whale is just spewing garbage from its mouth, you

[10:32] know?

Stuart Wellington

[10:33] Yeah, got us.

[10:35] So they of course see, they see a whole bunch of sharks.

[10:39] They see an extra big shark that I think is their like, the one they're tracking.

[10:43] Yeah.

[10:43] I don't know if at this point they've already nicknamed her, but this shark for the rest

[10:47] of the movie will be named Lilith.

[10:49] Oh.

[10:50] For reasons to be explained.

[10:53] Because she's Frazier's, and no, she's Niles's wife.

[10:56] It's all coming back to Frazier's.

[10:57] Because we're a podcast, and Frazier's basically it.

[10:59] Because we're a podcast, and Frazier's basically it.

Elliott Kalan

[10:59] And was it Freddy, would Frazier's wife, or Niles's wife?

[11:04] Eddie and Freddie.

[11:04] It was Lilith.

Stuart Wellington

[11:04] So the thing is, is that Elliot is Niles, Dan is Frazier, and I'm Frazier's dad.

[11:10] I think that's the clearest through line here, right?

Elliott Kalan

[11:14] You're kind of a Roz, that sort of thing.

[11:15] I was going to say you're kind of a Roz also.

[11:16] I am.

Stuart Wellington

[11:17] So I'm the only one who didn't get an Emmy?

[11:21] Which sucks.

[11:22] That sucks.

Dan McCoy

[11:22] But you're also the only one that people would want to hang out with in real life.

[11:27] Oh.

[11:27] Thank you.

[11:29] You wouldn't want to hang out with Daphne?

[11:30] All right.

[11:31] I guess Daphne, yeah.

[11:33] Sure.

[11:33] I would be intimidated by Daphne.

[11:35] Anyway, there's a lot of Frazier talk for a shark podcast.

[11:39] Okay.

[11:40] Well, I guess I'll throw out the rest of my Frazier notes.

Stuart Wellington

[11:42] So they tag the shark.

[11:45] All the sharks attack.

[11:47] They start chomping on everybody.

[11:48] Sophia jumps into the water to try and rescue them with a harpoon gun.

[11:52] She, instead of rescuing them, just finds her husband's severed arm floating there with his wedding ring very center frame.

[11:59] And then she sees Lilith the shark.

[12:02] I think she, does she like attack it or something?

[12:05] And then.

Dan McCoy

[12:06] She spears it.

[12:07] She spears it.

[12:08] Which then like gets her hooked to the shark.

Elliott Kalan

[12:11] She gets caught in the rope or the net or whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[12:13] Yeah.

[12:13] And it drags her deep underwater to the point that the pressure starts to like make her ears bleed and her mouth bleeds.

[12:20] And she cuts herself free after this happens.

[12:22] I would like to talk about this.

Dan McCoy

[12:26] Okay.

[12:26] Because she gets dragged deep enough under.

[12:31] First off, she jumps in to try and rescue any survivors.

[12:38] And she does it with such speed that she doesn't have any scooby gear on.

[12:41] So she's just free diving.

[12:42] Did you just say scooby gear?

[12:44] Yeah.

[12:45] She doesn't have any scooby gear on.

[12:48] Yeah.

[12:48] She doesn't have dog ears.

[12:50] She doesn't wear a dog collar.

[12:51] Yeah.

[12:52] She doesn't, she's wearing scooby doo themed crocs or anything.

[12:55] No, she doesn't have any scooby deer on.

[12:58] She's free diving.

[13:00] And she's underwater a long time holding her breath before the shark then pulls her far enough underwater that her eardrum bursts.

Elliott Kalan

[13:10] Now, is that from the pressure of the water or is it from the speed that she's being pulled through the water?

Dan McCoy

[13:15] I took that to mean that she was down so far that the pressure was not right for her.

[13:21] And then she went up so fast without any.

[13:24] Without getting the bands.

[13:25] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] And am I imagining things or when that happened?

[13:29] Did it do like a little x-ray of her eardrum exploding?

[13:32] Like it's like an x-ray attack from Mortal Kombat?

[13:34] I don't think it was an x-ray.

Dan McCoy

[13:35] It was like sort of an insert close up where you saw like this with the blood puff out of her ear.

Stuart Wellington

[13:41] I will say when she does, she cuts herself free.

[13:44] She rises to the surface.

[13:45] And then it's like a slow-mo shot of her breaching the water surrounded by garbage with like blood everywhere.

[13:51] And I'm like, this is pretty dope actually.

[13:55] And then we get title card.

Elliott Kalan

[13:57] Yeah, there's a couple moments in this movie where I'm like, movie, you should have done more of this.

[14:00] More of this, please.

Stuart Wellington

[14:01] Yum, yum, yum.

[14:02] Okay.

[14:03] Three years later.

[14:06] Yeah, title card.

[14:06] Three years later, we're in Paris.

[14:08] How do we know that?

[14:09] Because we see the Seine and the Eiffel Tower or Tour d'Eiffel in the background.

[14:14] Wow, this guy knows it's Paris.

Dan McCoy

[14:17] Just keeps proving it.

[14:19] French Stewart is here.

Elliott Kalan

[14:20] Now, Paris is abuzz.

[14:22] Now, when I say French Stewart, I don't mean the person French Stewart.

[14:25] I just mean Stewart who is French.

[14:27] Yeah.

[14:29] Not third rock from the sun star, French Stewart.

Dan McCoy

[14:31] Yeah.

[14:32] Oh, man.

[14:33] And not Stewart's Frenches, which is his mustard that he carries around with him.

Stuart Wellington

[14:37] This bitch is always talking about mustard, right?

Dan McCoy

[14:40] He loves mustard.

[14:41] Wow, that's a fallback.

Stuart Wellington

[14:42] Okay, so all of Paris is abuzz.

[14:46] They are preparing for an upcoming triathlon, which in some ways is mirroring the upcoming Olympics.

[14:53] What do you guys think?

[14:54] Do you think it's a reference to the upcoming Olympics?

Dan McCoy

[14:57] I guess.

[14:58] I mean, I was not aware that this was such a big thing that, I don't know, the whole city is closing down for a major triathlon that they swim the Seine.

[15:08] That they're going to clean up the Seine for it.

[15:10] New York Marathon is a big deal.

Elliott Kalan

[15:11] Yeah, it is.

[15:12] I have two theories about this.

[15:13] One, it is that they wanted to do it about the Olympics and the Olympic Committee said, you cannot use our logo in your shark movie.

[15:21] And so they made a triathlon.

[15:22] Or they're just – Dan, triathlons can be really big, especially in a city like Paris that needs attention.

[15:28] People don't go there.

[15:29] People haven't heard of it.

[15:30] It's an unknown city.

Dan McCoy

[15:31] I am not saying that it can't be big.

[15:33] I'm saying that it is apparently big to the point that the mayor of Paris later talks about how they have filtered the water of the Seine so that people can swim in it.

Stuart Wellington

[15:43] And it mainly feels weird because the amount of people swimming and participating doesn't seem particularly large.

[15:49] No, that's true.

[15:50] But I think they are going in waves.

Elliott Kalan

[15:51] We'll get to that.

[15:52] And when we get to it, the amount of spectators who are there is tiny.

[15:55] It seems like there is nobody watching this major event.

Stuart Wellington

[15:58] All their digital effects budget went to sharks.

Elliott Kalan

[16:01] I mean, as it should.

[16:02] If they were like, well, we can only afford one shark because we made this huge crowd of attendees at the triathlon.

Dan McCoy

[16:09] Yeah, that's a priorities problem.

Stuart Wellington

[16:10] Okay, so we have some river cops.

[16:13] Those river cops find, led by Adeel, who is the, like, hero river cop.

[16:18] He's like this handsome dude.

[16:19] They find, thanks to some kids who are fishing for scrap, they find a bunch of unexploded ordnance in the river.

[16:27] Don't worry, that'll matter later.

Dan McCoy

[16:29] Now, what's an ordinate, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[16:32] Ordinance is like ammunition, weaponry, explosives, that sort of thing.

Dan McCoy

[16:36] I saw the film, so I understand what you're talking about.

[16:40] But it seemed like a more unfamiliar word to me.

Stuart Wellington

[16:42] You are being the, you're like the audience surrogate in this case, asking for me to explain the details of my choice of words.

[16:49] Okay, so.

Dan McCoy

[16:51] I'm not a Warhammer aficionado.

[16:53] Whoa.

[16:54] You're right.

[16:54] We're getting there.

[16:55] I'll get there.

Elliott Kalan

[16:56] The only place you'd ever hear the term ordnance would be in a Warhammer game.

Dan McCoy

[17:00] You know, I'm just generally, like, for a middle-aged man, I do not know shit about war shit.

[17:08] It's because you don't have kids.

Stuart Wellington

[17:09] If you had kids, you would be like the biggest World War II nerd.

[17:12] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[17:13] Just that if you were a dad, you'd be all about military history.

[17:15] It's all you'd want to talk about.

Stuart Wellington

[17:17] I feel like Hemingway is Dan's entrance to, like, I feel like if we want to get Dan into war shit, we've got to get him into Hemingway.

Dan McCoy

[17:23] I do not like Hemingway particularly, I find, like, I like what.

Elliott Kalan

[17:29] What about the Hemingway, what about Mariel Hemingway or Margo Hemingway?

[17:31] Could that get you into war stuff?

Dan McCoy

[17:33] I was reading Ursula K. Le Guin's book about writing, Steering the Craft, and I was really taken with, like, she had a line in there.

[17:42] I can't quote it because I can't remember the exact details, but she was talking about how, like, there's this idea that this sort of, like, terse, unaffected prose is, like, more real or something.

[17:55] And she's like, what bigger affectation can there be than to strip it down to, like, the most, you know, simple sentences?

Stuart Wellington

[18:03] Guys, Ursula K. Le Guin, she's so fucking cool.

[18:07] No, she really is.

[18:07] She is cool.

[18:08] Fucking goat.

Elliott Kalan

[18:09] I was reading a lot of her this summer by coincidence.

[18:10] I will say this one thing.

[18:12] They have this big triathlon.

[18:14] All of Paris is about it.

[18:16] Not yet.

[18:16] That's going to happen later.

[18:17] No, no, but they're planning it to the point that when they know there's a shark there, they're like, we can't tell anybody about it.

[18:22] It never seems to occur to anybody that it's a major problem for a triathlon that the river is full of unexploded munitions.

Stuart Wellington

[18:29] And garbage.

[18:30] I mean, it's a good point.

[18:30] And garbage, too, yeah.

[18:31] Like, from my understanding, it's a famously not, you don't want to swim in that river type river, like a Gowanus Canal type situation.

Elliott Kalan

[18:39] Like the East River, yeah, where you're like, this looks pretty from the right angle or the right distance, but it's not, you don't want to be inside of it, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:47] Now, I'm sure it's not like the Sen in this novel that I've been reading, Between Two Fires, which is this awesome, like, Black Plague set, like, dark medieval fantasy.

[18:57] You should check it out if you like that shit.

[18:59] It's like the most Dark Souls-y garbage.

[19:01] But, like, yeah, the Sen is filled with, like, chopped up bodies and demons and crap.

[19:04] You don't want to go there at all.

[19:05] Yeah, I think.

[19:05] So that's not this.

[19:06] This is sharks.

Elliott Kalan

[19:06] I think the real modern Sen, as portrayed in the movie Under Paris, is not full of chopped up bodies and demons.

[19:11] Yeah.

[19:11] Until those sharks get in, then maybe there's some chopped up bodies.

[19:13] Sharks are kind of like demons, right?

Stuart Wellington

[19:15] Yeah.

[19:15] Sharks are one of the rare animals that when, like, in a movie, I don't feel as bad when they get, like, exploded and stuff.

[19:23] Like, all other animals, for some, I don't know why.

[19:26] Is it because they're not mammals?

[19:28] Like, even, like, dragons in, like—

Dan McCoy

[19:31] I think it just strange you to just think of them as, like, a monster, probably.

[19:34] Unstoppable killing machines.

[19:35] Culture has—

[19:36] Yeah, you're probably right.

Elliott Kalan

[19:37] Even a show about sharks, they're always like, it's the perfect eating machine.

[19:40] But there's something about shark eyes, their black, like, doll's eyes.

[19:45] Nobody's ever mentioned their eyes before.

[19:46] But also, they have an expression on their face that does seem particularly devoid of emotion or thought or feeling.

[19:52] But you know what?

[19:53] They're living things, too.

[19:54] They're all God's creatures.

[19:55] You're right.

[19:56] That day when God made the shark—

[19:57] There's something wrong with me.

[19:57] And he went, this is badass.

[19:59] I'm going to make the teeth kind of stick out all in different directions.

Dan McCoy

[20:02] Elliot, this raises a good point.

[20:04] You, of course, are a shark expert, I assume, from all the research you did for Sharko and Hippo.

Elliott Kalan

[20:09] Yes, exactly.

[20:10] How accurate was this film to sharks?

[20:14] I think if you—I think you take the word accurate, and I think if you want to put an in in the front, just to say that it is in a state of total accuracy.

[20:22] Yeah, that's interesting.

[20:23] Okay.

[20:23] But I think most times—nothing in my research about sharks came up with the idea that they could, within one generation, develop parthenogenesis and also a sort of communal beehive structure.

[20:33] Sick.

Dan McCoy

[20:34] Now it rules.

[20:34] That has something to do with the garbage, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[20:36] I think that was what the movie was trying to imply.

[20:38] The movie is so close to saying radioactive stuff turned these sharks into mutant sharks, and it never quite clears that hurdle, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[20:46] So it's been three years later.

[20:47] Let's check in with Sophia.

[20:48] Now she is a guide at an aquarium.

[20:51] Some school kids Google her while she's taking them on a tour.

[20:55] This was the most unbelievable thing in the movie.

[20:57] Friends died.

Elliott Kalan

[20:58] The most unbelievable thing in the movie was that these kids would be interested enough in her backstory to Google her while she's giving them a tour.

Stuart Wellington

[21:04] And like, what do they—do they like reverse image search her?

[21:07] Like, are they fucking Neve and Cammie from Catfish?

[21:10] How'd they figure this one out?

[21:12] Okay, so after her shift, she runs into Mika, I believe her name is, who is a climate activist and is a member of a thing called SOS, which stands for Save Our Seas.

[21:24] And they are this group of eco-activists who operate out of like a rundown build, like an empty museum or something.

[21:34] It's a really cool base.

[21:35] And they have like hackers.

[21:36] They have laptops and at one point she's using a mouse that has like shark attack or something or like shark saver or something.

Elliott Kalan

[21:46] It's one of these groups of people that are so cool that they refuse to work with overhead lights turned on.

[21:51] And so it's just a lot of monitor screens and lamps all over the place in this huge French apartment.

[21:55] Old French apartments look like museum rooms.

Dan McCoy

[21:57] I love this because this is like—this is classic movie bullshit that this eco Save Our Seas group would have like this sort of techno but also broken down place that they hung out.

[22:13] And Audrey was pointing out while we're watching it, like, I mean, this is true of like a lot of movies.

[22:17] But she's like, this is like Moonfall where the disgraced person with the tragic backstory has to team up with the person with like some kooky ideas.

[22:28] But then it diverges from the Moonfall.

Elliott Kalan

[22:31] It diverges to not what we—well, there's no moon that falls.

[22:33] That's one big difference.

Dan McCoy

[22:33] Yeah, that's one of the big—yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:35] Well, I mean, it might happen.

[22:37] No spoilers.

[22:38] So they reveal that they've been tracking.

[22:41] They have hacked into the like shark tracking software.

[22:44] They seem to be able to hack into anything.

Elliott Kalan

[22:45] I was waiting for the moment where they're like, we've hacked into the shark.

[22:48] We can control it now.

Stuart Wellington

[22:49] I mean, honestly, that would have saved them a lot of trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[22:52] It would have.

[22:53] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[22:54] So they've hacked into the shark tracking information, and they also reveal that they have the ability to turn off the trackers if they want to protect one of these sharks, which seems like a bad idea when we're dealing with killer sharks.

[23:06] But don't worry about it.

[23:07] So they have tracked Lilith from wherever she was all the way to the Seine River.

[23:13] Uh-oh.

[23:14] She's in—

[23:14] Wait a minute.

[23:15] She's like a normal big-ass shark.

[23:17] She's not like a bull shark that like swims up the Ganges and stuff.

[23:20] This is a regular-ass shark.

[23:22] It shouldn't be able to survive in the Seine.

[23:25] I guess it must have adapted thanks to pollution.

Dan McCoy

[23:28] Thanks.

[23:28] Remember what Darwin said?

Stuart Wellington

[23:30] Again, this is—

[23:31] So it's the exact opposite.

Elliott Kalan

[23:33] It's the opposite of what Darwin said, which is—

[23:36] Lamarck, who came before Darwin, would have said, oh, yeah, animals can develop new adaptations while they're alive, too.

[23:43] Like the giraffe stretched its neck out until its neck grew to be long.

[23:47] Whereas Darwin would say—

[23:47] Is that real?

[23:48] Is that how they did it?

[23:49] No.

[23:49] It is not.

Stuart Wellington

[23:49] It's sheer force of will?

[23:51] Yeah, it's like a street fighter.

Elliott Kalan

[23:54] No.

[23:54] What I'm telling you is—

[23:55] Yeah, it's like Dulcine.

[23:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:56] I mean, Dulcine has powerful yoga magic, Dan.

[23:59] Whereas—

[23:59] Am I going to get that?

Elliott Kalan

[24:01] Darwin would have said—

[24:02] Darwin would have said the random hand of natural selection allows for genetic mutations that are more—that are better suited for an environment and allow a greater chance to mate and reproduce and spread those genes.

[24:15] That is random genetic mutation that is then—takes the opportunity available in the environment.

[24:21] But there's no conscious thing to it.

[24:22] It doesn't happen within one organism.

[24:24] It is through generations of time.

[24:27] And so the idea that they're like, yeah, as Darwin said, sharks can kind of grow the ability to drink fresh water.

[24:34] Like, it's just—it doesn't—it's all made up nonsense.

[24:37] Well, breathe, right?

[24:37] They're breathing it.

[24:38] Yeah, breathe.

Dan McCoy

[24:39] So—

[24:40] No, sharks are drinking all that water.

Stuart Wellington

[24:42] So Sophia's like—Sophia doesn't want to get involved in this mess.

[24:45] She goes back to her sad apartment and just watches videos of her old friends getting eaten by sharks.

[24:51] Nika and—

Dan McCoy

[24:52] At the moment, like, she's like, you know, at the beginning, it's like all fun and games.

[24:55] And, like, she's reminiscing.

[24:57] And then the shark attack happens and she, like, cries.

[24:59] And it's like, what were you thinking was going to happen?

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] It's the classic guy who's—cop who lost his wife watching the wedding video at night to be sad.

[25:09] But it's, like, enjoying better times.

[25:11] But, yeah, it is—she does forget that in this shark footage mega mix she put together, it ends with the attack that killed her for husband and friends.

Stuart Wellington

[25:18] Classic Ralph Fiennes and Strange Days, like, remembering hanging out Juliette Lewis all the time.

[25:24] Yeah, exactly.

[25:25] Rollerblading around.

[25:27] Oh, man.

[25:27] I get it.

[25:28] I would have—

Dan McCoy

[25:29] What I think about when I think about Ralph Fiennes is that man looks like he rollerblades a lot.

[25:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:34] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[25:35] Oh, Strange Days rules.

Stuart Wellington

[25:37] Okay.

[25:38] So, Mika and her friend go out into the river.

[25:42] They—she goes diving into a very dirty river.

[25:46] She finds a car that has bite marks by the door handle.

[25:50] Shark bites.

[25:51] It's really great.

[25:52] And then they get caught by the cops.

[25:54] Mika gets arrested.

[25:55] All this is witnessed by Sophie, who's been tracking them on a laptop or iPad.

[26:02] Around now, like, a homeless camp gets eaten by a shark, presumably.

[26:07] I think just one person, right, gets eaten by a shark?

[26:09] Yeah.

[26:10] But there was, like, a couple guys hanging around there, and then when Sophia shows up,

[26:14] there's just the guy's dog and nobody else and all their stuff still there.

[26:17] Oh, that's right.

Dan McCoy

[26:19] So, the—

[26:20] No, the shark didn't steal the stuff?

[26:22] No, no.

[26:22] Cops, obviously—

Elliott Kalan

[26:23] Shark is like a neutron bomb, Dan.

[26:24] It's not interested in possessions or objects.

[26:26] It just wants to kill people.

[26:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:28] The—

[26:28] And it does.

[26:29] It kills a lot of people.

[26:30] The—

Elliott Kalan

[26:31] Well, actually, I mean, they actually kill very few people per year compared to other animals.

Stuart Wellington

[26:35] Oh, okay.

[26:35] I thought we were talking about this movie.

[26:36] Yeah, this movie.

Dan McCoy

[26:37] I mean, in the movie, they kill a lot of people, yeah.

[26:38] Yeah, I'd be like, if you thought that was a few people, I'd be very scared.

Stuart Wellington

[26:42] I'd be like, wow.

[26:44] Elliot says he's never killed anyone.

[26:45] Elliot should be a world leader with that level of disregard for human life.

Elliott Kalan

[26:48] All I'm saying is you kill one person, you're a monster.

[26:50] You kill ten, you're a shark.

[26:51] You kill a million, you're a god.

[26:52] So, come on, guys.

[26:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:54] Yeah, that's cool.

[26:55] Okay, so—

[26:56] I read it on a T-shirt.

[26:57] Yeah, yeah.

[26:58] Yeah, I think Homelander said it on the boys.

[27:01] Okay, so the cops find a—they obviously don't believe stories of a giant shark in the Seine.

[27:08] But then they find a partially eaten body of one of those homeless guys that they were, like, friends with.

[27:15] So, of course, they're fucked up about it.

[27:17] And Sophia shows up, and she's like, yeah, that's a shark.

[27:20] The shark ate him.

[27:21] And they're like, okay, so we're going to go dive in after the shark.

[27:23] And she's like, that's a bad idea because it just ate those guys.

[27:26] And so, of course, they go diving in.

[27:28] It has a taste for human blood.

[27:30] It wants it now, yeah.

[27:31] And they're like, whoa, the river's not deep enough to support the shark.

[27:34] Where's the shark hiding?

[27:35] Well, of course, there's—they find an entrance, a submerged entrance to the Parisian catacombs.

[27:41] Normally the haunt of ghouls and stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[27:44] They're like, where could this shark be hiding in a city that is famously full of underground tunnels?

[27:49] Where could it be going to?

Dan McCoy

[27:51] I like the idea of a store now called ghouls and stuff.

[27:55] Oh, man, I would love it.

[27:56] I'd open that.

Stuart Wellington

[27:57] Yeah, I really wish there was a sequence where the sharks start fighting them, and then they are—the sharks start fighting a bunch of, like, ghouls draped in, like, rotting finery of, like, nobility.

Elliott Kalan

[28:10] I mean, at the very least, if the people are fighting the sharks in the catacombs, they have to, like, wrench bones out of the walls and hit the sharks with them, you know, things like that.

[28:19] I don't think we see anything like that, do we?

Stuart Wellington

[28:21] Have you ever—yeah, have you ever seen—we don't see that.

[28:24] Have you ever read that book?

[28:25] What is it?

[28:25] It's a collection of short stories, like Throne of Bones.

[28:28] Winesburg, Ohio, by Sherwood Anderson?

[28:29] Nope, nope.

[28:30] This is about—this is all about ghouls.

[28:32] It's all awesome short stories about ghouls.

[28:34] I can't remember who wrote it, but it's really dope.

[28:37] Winesburg, ghoul, Ohio, by Sherwood Screamderson?

[28:42] Yeah, yeah.

[28:44] Okay, so they—where are we at?

[28:48] Where are we at?

[28:50] Oh, here we are.

[28:50] Sorry.

[28:50] They found the shark.

[28:51] Sorry, let me go through my notes here.

Dan McCoy

[28:53] Yeah.

[28:53] Stuart, for those who are not watching a clip of this with video—

Elliott Kalan

[29:00] For those who haven't set up a CCTV camera in Dan's apartment to secretly watch our recordings.

Dan McCoy

[29:05] Stuart's notes are on a guest check pad, like, you know, as a bartender, as a member of the service profession, he has, of course, access to these guests.

[29:17] I mean, anyone does.

[29:18] You could buy them.

[29:19] Yeah, you can just go up.

[29:19] But he grabbed it as a notepad and—

[29:22] Go to Staples.

[29:23] Go to get them.

[29:23] It doesn't lay flat, so he keeps flipping back to previous pages of his notes.

Stuart Wellington

[29:29] So they find the entrance to the catacombs, devoid of ghouls, unfortunately.

[29:33] They do see, like, the shadow of giant Lilith the shark.

[29:39] Right around now, SOS uses their hacker abilities, and they cut the tracker.

[29:43] So this shark is now untracked.

[29:46] That's the name of the movie should have been untracked.

Elliott Kalan

[29:47] Yeah, and around here is when you—

[29:49] I don't think so.

[29:49] I mean, Under Paris is not a great name, but untracked is even less specific to what's going on in the movie.

Dan McCoy

[29:54] This is around the point where you start suspecting that these eco-terrorists are not supposed to be entirely likable in the film.

[30:10] Like, you know, we're not supposed to sympathize with their desire to save this shark, which we already—

[30:17] You know, we're watching a killer shark movie.

[30:18] We already know that this is a foolish desire.

[30:22] In real life, certainly.

[30:23] Get the shark out to open water.

[30:25] It's probably not going to attack anyone.

[30:27] In a killer shark movie, we know that these are not going to be our heroes, per se.

[30:31] And this movie has an interestingly confused relationship.

Stuart Wellington

[30:35] I feel like every movie like this that has, like, eco-activists, they're always like,

[30:40] the eco-activists are so dumb that they assume all animals are their best friends and nice and will not chomp them in half.

[30:49] Yeah.

[30:49] And then the movie always proves that.

Dan McCoy

[30:51] It's a team of Timothy Treadwells.

Stuart Wellington

[30:53] I mean, it's—

[30:54] Yes.

[30:55] It's very similar to—

Elliott Kalan

[30:56] I mean, it's very similar to a certain strain of cop movie where a cop wants to be a nice cop and then his family gets killed or something like that.

[31:05] Like, it is—

[31:05] That's—

[31:06] That's Sophia's—

Stuart Wellington

[31:07] The movie.

[31:08] Yeah, yeah.

[31:08] His family gets killed and then he's immediately like,

[31:11] Siri, cue up a, like, nutshell by Alice in Chains.

[31:15] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[31:16] And Sophia is that—has that arc where she starts out being like, the garbage patch is terrible.

[31:20] We've got to save the ocean.

[31:21] Sharks are great.

[31:22] And by the end, she's like, we've got to kill this shark.

Dan McCoy

[31:24] Like, movies often stack the deck in favor of very questionable moral stances in real life.

[31:32] But this film is weird, though, too, because I don't think it necessarily doesn't—

[31:38] There's so many negatives in that.

[31:39] I'm sorry for phrasing it that way.

[31:41] Mm-hmm.

[31:41] I think the movie may genuinely believe in an ecological message to some degree.

[31:49] Like, I don't think it's like, yeah, this garbage patch is great, but it then also spends the second half of the movie undercutting any of that in favor of shark thrills.

[31:58] So it's a very confusing—

[31:59] It's like a—

[31:59] It is a mix.

[32:00] And, I mean, we'll get to—

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] I think the message and much Stuart, as Marshall McGluehans can probably talk to this day of the weekend.

[32:07] But it is a mix of what the intent of the filmmakers possibly is and what the demands of the structure of this kind of storytelling demand.

[32:17] And it's a—they don't mix.

[32:20] They don't mix well.

[32:20] It's not a chocolate peanut butter situation where you think it's not going to mix and you're about to sue the guy that you bumped into while you were eating one and they were eating the other.

[32:27] But the mix is great.

Stuart Wellington

[32:28] Like, in the hands of a—like a talented filmmaker, you can fit an ecological message into a big blockbuster, like Fern Gully.

[32:40] Okay, so the SOS team, Save Our Seas activists, they release a video that immediately goes viral.

[32:48] Everybody on the planet is watching it, from your lowliest grandma to your tallest grandma.

[32:54] They hack the planet.

Elliott Kalan

[32:54] This is the second most unbelievable thing in the movie about evolving sharks is that it's just a video of a woman talking and everyone is watching it all the time.

[33:03] As if she's—as if—I mean, I guess what they're going for is like a Greta Thunberg type thing.

[33:06] Greta Thunberg pulled off this incredible stunt, you know.

[33:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[33:10] She should have been—if it was like a real viral video, she should have been doing kind of a wand dance, like kind of a half-hearted, like, dance with a lot of hand—

Elliott Kalan

[33:17] Or like, in between each fact about the sea, she just takes a bite of cinnamon, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[33:23] If she really wanted people to pay attention, she would have recorded this video from the cab of her truck wearing wraparound shades and a baseball hat on backwards.

[33:33] Yes.

[33:35] Okay, so she makes this video basically saying, we got to save this shark, folks.

[33:41] And we're like, ugh, the killer shark?

[33:44] But that's fine.

[33:45] So they end up throwing a big shark-saving party in the Parisian catacombs.

[33:50] They find this specific chamber that is like a big pool in the center and a very skinny ledge all along the sides.

[33:59] That's not going to be good.

[34:01] So they go in there.

[34:02] The cops track them down and follow them with the help of a hacker.

[34:05] And they show up just in time for Mika, the leader of the activists, to be swimming in the water.

[34:11] There's a baby shark.

[34:12] And you're like, oh, a baby.

Elliott Kalan

[34:14] Is there a song that perhaps could be sung about that baby shark?

Stuart Wellington

[34:17] Yeah, are you telling Alex to cue it up?

[34:20] I don't think we have the rights.

[34:22] I mean, maybe six seconds of it.

[34:24] So, and right around now, Lilith, the big mama shark, comes bursting out of the water with Mika in her mouth.

[34:32] And then the baby shark rips Mika in half.

[34:36] This was the first moment where I'm like, okay, things are getting good.

[34:39] Everybody starts freaking out.

[34:40] Everybody starts falling into the pool and getting chomped.

[34:43] A couple of the cops get chomped.

[34:44] Everybody gets chomped.

[34:45] I think there's like a total of 12 people get killed.

[34:48] Everybody get chomped tonight.

[34:50] Yeah, everybody's slipping off the ledge because it's so skinny.

[34:54] And then Sophia came along for the ride because she's the shark expert.

[35:00] And she like –

Elliott Kalan

[35:01] There's a lot of the movie where it's her coming along for the ride and not doing so much other than kind of looking on wisely and sadly.

Dan McCoy

[35:07] Trauma, she's our traumatized heroine.

[35:11] She has to regain her, I don't know, shark spirit where she can take on these sharks.

Stuart Wellington

[35:17] And honestly, guys, I think she's just a good hang.

[35:20] You know, like people just like having her around.

[35:21] They like having her around, yeah.

[35:23] I mean, there's been Saturday Night Live cast members, I think, who have been kept along just for being a good hang.

[35:28] Wow.

[35:28] I didn't name names.

Dan McCoy

[35:30] No, I just feel like you took the wheel of the car and drove us down.

[35:35] You like yanked it down into the forest.

Stuart Wellington

[35:39] Okay, so they return, you know, after spending some time recuperating after this horrible tragedy.

[35:49] A horrible tragedy that, of course, the mayor of Paris does not give a shit.

[35:52] This is like –

[35:53] Yeah.

[35:54] They're like, you know which mayor I think was too soft on anti-shark stuff?

[35:59] The mayor from Jaws.

[36:01] We need a super anti-shark stuff.

[36:03] Yeah, they're –

[36:04] Anti-anti-shark stuff.

Dan McCoy

[36:05] There are a couple of elements in here that are, you know, like clearly – they don't think that they're fooling anyone by taking them.

[36:14] Like there's not a rip-off.

[36:15] It's an homage because it's so obvious.

[36:16] Dan, I don't know if Jaws was ever released in France.

[36:18] Maybe they don't know.

[36:19] Le Jaws?

[36:20] Yeah.

[36:21] Like in Le Jaws, they have a mayor who is blind to the dangers, and they also have a scene later on where there are like bullies.

[36:33] Later on.

[36:33] They actually have the Seine later on.

[36:34] They have a Seine later on, and then they have boys on top of that Seine that are attached to sharks to indicate where the shark is so we can see visually on the surface.

Stuart Wellington

[36:44] So they find a dead baby shark.

[36:46] So, of course, we got to have a shark.

[36:47] Is there a song about that?

[36:49] We have – yeah, it's by Cannibal Corpse.

[36:51] Dead baby shark.

[36:53] We – so we get a shark autopsy scene.

[36:57] It's great.

[36:58] And, of course, they cut open the shark, and it's filled with a bunch of tiny baby sharks.

[37:03] But wait, this shark's so young.

[37:05] Is there a song about that?

[37:05] Maybe that we can sing.

[37:07] Yeah.

[37:08] Dan, can you hum a couple of bars of a bunch of dead baby sharks?

[37:11] Oh, God.

[37:12] There weren't – the babies weren't dead.

[37:14] The babies weren't dead.

[37:14] I mean, they're not going to last very long.

[37:16] They're not moving around anymore.

[37:17] No.

[37:17] But they were still wriggling.

[37:18] So – yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:20] But the thing is that this shark –

[37:21] That's why I say every year on my birthday, I'm still wriggling.

Stuart Wellington

[37:25] Yeah, that's going to be on my tombstone.

[37:26] Yeah, that's Dan's motto, J.K.

[37:28] Wriggling.

[37:28] Along with pepperoni and cheese.

[37:30] So they realized that this shark should not have been able to be pregnant because it is much too young.

[37:39] And also, they realized that at this point, these sharks must be reproducing through parthenogenesis.

[37:45] They don't need a male to create more sharks.

[37:48] They are just shark creation stations.

Elliott Kalan

[37:50] Look, a shark needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

Stuart Wellington

[37:53] Let's be honest, folks.

[37:54] Yeah.

[37:54] No, you're right.

[37:56] Yeah, that tracks.

[37:57] I had to think about it a little bit.

[38:00] Yeah, that's like an old doo-wop song.

[38:04] Okay.

[38:04] So, obviously, all this information where they're like, look, there could be zillions of sharks down there.

[38:11] And the mayor's like, I don't give a shit.

[38:12] I'm the mayor of Paris.

[38:15] Get the fuck out of here.

[38:17] Okay.

[38:18] So the river cops are like, we're going to have to do this our way.

[38:21] So they all agree to do a covert mission where they are going to swim into the catacombs underneath Paris and blow them up.

[38:29] Killing the sharks.

[38:30] And I can only assume destabilizing the entire city.

[38:34] Yeah.

[38:35] When they get there, they're setting up for the triathlon.

[38:38] They're also like, we have to do this fast because the triathlon starts in 20 minutes.

[38:43] So they're setting up for the triathlon.

[38:44] There's a huge military presence.

[38:47] So there's like snipers all over the place.

[38:51] They decide to swim.

[38:54] Sophie and the cops go swimming into the catacombs.

[38:58] They go into a giant chamber.

[39:00] They are surrounded by a massive swarm of sharks.

[39:04] They set the charges.

[39:06] There's some scares.

[39:09] One guy like pulls out the detonator and then sharks eat him.

[39:11] And then another guy grabs it and triggers it.

[39:14] And then all the sharks eat him.

Dan McCoy

[39:15] I want to call out a really, you know, a good shot in this movie where she lights the flare.

[39:21] And all of a sudden you see just a tremendous number of sharks.

[39:24] Yeah.

[39:25] That was a good moment.

Stuart Wellington

[39:26] That was a very good moment.

[39:27] Yeah.

[39:27] Yeah, it's great.

[39:29] And Sophia's like, wait, we can't blow it up yet.

[39:32] Lilith isn't here.

[39:34] But they have to blow it up anyway because the sharks start eating him.

[39:37] So Adil and Lilith manage to escape at the last second.

[39:43] They blew up the catacombs.

[39:44] Yep.

[39:45] And they sealed the catacombs.

[39:48] They get back up into the – yeah.

[39:51] So she carries Adil who's injured back to the police boat.

[39:54] This is Sophia who's carrying Adil.

[39:55] Yep.

[39:56] Okay.

[39:56] Sophia goes swimming.

Elliott Kalan

[39:57] So you mentioned Lilith earlier and I was like, wait, so Adil and Lilith were working together the whole time?

[40:01] That's the twist.

[40:02] I mean, that would actually make a lot of sense when you see the end of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[40:05] Yeah.

[40:05] It's in the post-credit scene.

[40:08] They've been emailing through the tracker.

Elliott Kalan

[40:11] When we see Adil and Lilith share a kiss as they reveal –

[40:16] Or Adele.

[40:17] Or Adele.

[40:18] She was rolling in the deep.

[40:20] Yeah.

[40:20] Oh, my God.

Stuart Wellington

[40:21] It all fits.

[40:22] All the clues were there, Mr. Policeman.

[40:25] Sophia deposits a wounded Adil.

[40:27] Go back in the police boat.

[40:28] And then she dives back in because this ain't over.

[40:31] She's not going to believe Lilith is dead until she sees that giant dead shark.

[40:35] She goes back.

[40:36] Of course, at this point, Lilith bursts out of the rubble and goes swimming around.

[40:40] She knocks over the police boat, eats two of the police officers that are not a deal.

[40:45] And then it goes after – the triathlon at this point has started.

[40:49] So there's like a full buffet in the water for this shark.

[40:53] So we get the scene that is basically promised, which is there's a bunch of swimmers.

[40:58] They start getting chomped on by sharks.

[41:01] At first, we think it's just Lilith.

[41:02] But later on, we realize there's a ton of sharks.

[41:04] Sharks are all over the place.

[41:06] So they start – Lilith starts chomping on people.

[41:09] It starts dragging people down.

[41:10] People start realizing there's a shark, so they're freaking out.

[41:12] Legs are getting bit off left and right.

[41:16] Then the – while this is happening, people are still in the water.

[41:20] The military boats start circling, just firing machine guns into the water.

[41:25] And then there's like snipers blasting as well.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] Well, so this is what was very funny about this.

[41:32] One, this police boat is just circling this one spot in the water.

[41:36] And meanwhile, they're nowhere near the swimmers.

[41:38] They're nowhere near where the carnage is going on.

[41:42] So it's like, why did they decide this was the spot?

[41:43] And then that a sniper is firing in as if a sniper on a rooftop is going to be able to see into the water to see a shark.

[41:49] That's bonkers.

[41:50] That's silly.

Dan McCoy

[41:51] I mean, at that point, the waters – they just figure the water is their enemy.

[41:54] They're like, there's something in this water that's killing people.

[41:58] We have to shoot the water as much as we possibly can.

Stuart Wellington

[42:00] I feel like the reaction to like Piranha 3D is more normal than this one.

Dan McCoy

[42:06] Oh, man.

[42:06] What a movie when like Adam Scott is on that jet ski just going around shooting a ripo.

[42:14] I saw that shotgun into the –

[42:15] Rules.

[42:16] So good.

Stuart Wellington

[42:17] And at this – so they're like shooting machine guns and sniper rifles into the river.

[42:21] And it keeps cutting to shots of Lilith the giant shark like dodging the bullet streams.

[42:27] I was like cackling at this point.

[42:29] It's so funny.

[42:30] And the police are like, no, don't fire in there.

[42:35] There's a bunch of unexploded ordnance in there or unexploded munitions, which of course, Lilith's super fast dodging and swimming agitates all these unexploded shells that float up and then float back down.

[42:50] And then everything starts exploding.

[42:53] There's all these huge explosions.

[42:54] It blows up a bridge, causes a massive tsunami, washing everybody away.

[43:00] Paris is now flooded.

[43:02] Lilith the shark is now mayor of Paris.

[43:04] End of movie.

Dan McCoy

[43:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:08] And then during the credits, you see maps with lines implying that the sharks are now swimming through all the rivers of the world and invading other cities all over the world.

[43:18] I love it.

Dan McCoy

[43:19] I mean, those other cities, fortunately, were not blown up by unexploded World War II munitions.

[43:27] Yeah, that's true.

[43:27] And so we're mostly not underwater.

[43:29] If you just stay out of the water, you're okay.

Elliott Kalan

[43:32] And there's a lot of cities that are not full of navigable waterways deep into the heart of the city the way that Paris is.

Stuart Wellington

[43:37] And then there's the footage of the sharks in the like reverse wetsuits that are like suits filled with water and they're like swimming on land.

[43:45] That would be.

Elliott Kalan

[43:47] Yeah, with AK-47s and their fins.

[43:49] And their fins.

Dan McCoy

[43:50] I mean, Darwin said that, you know, sharks eventually are going to figure out how to make water suits so that he can kill us all.

[43:56] Yeah, he did say that.

Elliott Kalan

[43:56] Yeah, it's right there in his book on the origin of badass stuff.

[44:03] Okay, guys.

[44:03] So that was under Paris.

Stuart Wellington

[44:04] It was pretty fun.

[44:06] It was some fun stuff.

Dan McCoy

[44:07] Yeah, well, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:08] What was the moment, Elliot, for you that you're like, this movie knows what it's doing now?

Elliott Kalan

[44:14] So the first one, it really didn't hit me.

[44:17] I found it to be kind of slow and kind of like, oh, this is all right.

[44:20] Until Mika got, as you said, got eaten by that shark.

[44:23] The way they shoot it is maximum sensational.

[44:26] And where you're above the air, you're up in the air looking down.

[44:30] And anytime they're doing shark stuff, I was like, this movie, you know what you're doing.

[44:34] And it was only the periods in between sharks that I felt like they could have pushed things more.

[44:38] Because especially once there's the big shark attack at the end and the police are just firing guns into the water for no reason and then everything in Paris is exploding and flooding.

[44:46] I'm like, okay, movie.

[44:47] You finally got to where you wanted to go.

[44:48] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:48] I didn't realize that Paris was that low on the water level, right?

[44:53] That it would just flood if the river explodes.

[44:57] I don't know enough about the topography in Paris.

Dan McCoy

[44:59] I mean, I know that Notre Dame is on an island in the middle of the city.

[45:05] So there's, you know, I know that there's water.

[45:07] But yeah, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[45:08] Maybe it was partially destabilized by them blowing up the catacombs.

Dan McCoy

[45:11] Well, I think that was part of it.

Elliott Kalan

[45:13] Probably some land shifting.

[45:15] I do think it is funny at the end when Sophia and Adil are looking around at this new flooded land as shark fins go everywhere.

[45:21] And the implication is now the sharks are the kings of the earth and humanity must perish or run for its lives.

[45:27] And it's like, I don't know.

[45:28] I mean, there's a lot of times in human history where there's been like a big problem where we're not prepared at the moment.

[45:33] And then we get our act together and we take care of it.

[45:36] You know, this is, it's not like.

Stuart Wellington

[45:37] This is kind of like a quiet place day one, right?

[45:39] Where it's like, this is how.

[45:41] Now I want to see the next one where people are like trying to avoid all the shark swimming everywhere.

Elliott Kalan

[45:47] Yeah.

[45:47] Well, that next one, you have to call it.

[45:48] It has to be called on top of Paris, you know.

[45:50] And then the third one, a place in France, colon.

Dan McCoy

[45:53] Well, it seems like we're making some final judgments, which is interesting.

[45:58] Because there is a branded segment on this podcast where we make final judgments.

[46:02] I've never listened to it.

Elliott Kalan

[46:03] This is actually my first episode.

Dan McCoy

[46:04] Oh, it's interesting.

[46:05] It's called Final Judgments.

[46:06] And it's where we decide whether this is a good, bad movie.

Stuart Wellington

[46:09] And there's like a sound effect like from A Current Affair or something.

Dan McCoy

[46:13] Well, I mean, you often made a sound effect.

[46:17] But then Alex would occasionally add some echo to.

[46:22] Anyway, this is where we just decided whether it was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked.

[46:28] Yeah.

[46:29] I'm going to, you know, I kind of liked this.

[46:30] Like, the thing is, so oftentimes people will make this argument, you know, towards critics or whatever.

[46:39] They're like, you gave this movie three stars.

[46:42] But you gave this movie two stars.

[46:45] And you think, you really think this movie is better than that?

[46:47] Who is this person?

[46:48] Well, it's just a, I mean.

[46:50] It's a strong man.

[46:51] You can claim it's a strong man, but it's a thing that happens.

Elliott Kalan

[46:53] Once again, Dan's arch nemesis, the strong man.

[46:56] It's not.

Dan McCoy

[46:57] A strong man is when you invent someone who does not exist making an argument that's easy to knock down.

Elliott Kalan

[47:04] We're just saying to name one person who has done the thing that you're describing.

Dan McCoy

[47:07] There is this strain that you will see where people are like, they want criticism to exist on some sort of objective.

[47:16] Yes.

[47:17] And the thing is.

Stuart Wellington

[47:18] I think more than consistent.

[47:19] I think there's the objectivity that it's this, like, perfect thing, like, removed from, like, gray areas.

Elliott Kalan

[47:27] Right.

[47:27] It has to be this thing.

[47:28] Yeah, maybe, yeah, less than consistent.

[47:29] They want an objective, yeah, like you're saying, an objective, coherent, like, concrete standard.

Dan McCoy

[47:33] Well, no.

[47:33] It's also a consistency where it's like people get mad if you give, like, a good review to a movie that's trying to do less or whatever.

[47:41] You know, like, and they're like, this movie is worse in that way.

[47:45] Anyway, the point is, I don't want to insult anyone who's ever felt that way, but that's kind of a silly way of looking at it.

[47:54] I think all art can only sort of be truly sort of judged by how well it accomplishes its own goals.

Stuart Wellington

[48:05] And arguably, it's sort of like, and as you get older and you chill the fuck out, you stop worrying about stuff like that.

Dan McCoy

[48:11] This is all a long preamble to say, if you're watching a movie about sharks called Underpairs, this will deliver what you want for the most part.

[48:20] It's not the best version of that movie by any means, but I kind of liked it.

[48:24] Like, it did, it was fun, you know?

[48:27] It's a fun shark movie.

[48:28] That's what I say.

Stuart Wellington

[48:30] Yeah, Dan, you're right.

[48:31] It's a fun shark movie.

[48:32] I would say this is a movie I kind of like.

[48:35] It delivered exactly what I hoped, which was a couple of shots where I'm like, were they planning this to be 3D on Netflix or something?

[48:42] Because that shark's just bursting right out of the water, like, waving at me, doing a little wink.

Elliott Kalan

[48:47] Yeah, I will go the same way.

[48:49] Kind of liked it.

[48:49] It is.

[48:50] It's nothing that I would be like, you've got to rush out and see this thing.

[48:55] But if you want to see a movie about sharks eating people in Paris, then like.

Stuart Wellington

[48:58] I mean, climax is pretty fun.

Dan McCoy

[49:00] And the climax is fun, yeah.

[49:01] Particularly after we related the whole plot to you, maybe it's not so good that you need to rush out to see it.

Stuart Wellington

[49:06] But, you know, it's fun.

[49:07] Also, if you're thinking about, I don't know, maybe, like, it's the summertime, everybody's going to Europe right now for the summer.

[49:14] Everybody's going to Europe.

[49:15] So, like, if you want a little preparation for your trip to Paris, why don't you watch a movie about it exploding and there's sharks being everywhere?

[49:21] Well, yeah, you're going to have to.

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] You don't want to show up and not realize that the whole city is flooded now and all the bridges are blown up and it's full of sharks.

[49:27] You want to know that before you go.

[49:29] Know before you go about whether the place you're traveling is full of sharks, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:32] You're expecting it to be full of tourists, you know.

[49:35] Yes.

[49:35] You were expecting all the sharks.

Elliott Kalan

[49:37] You're expecting it to be full of goreists, which are sharks that eat people and there's gore everywhere.

Stuart Wellington

[49:42] Yeah, do you think all those sharks are now all smoking, too, because they're in Europe?

Dan McCoy

[49:46] Yeah, all the sharks are on bicycles with a single baguette in their basket.

[49:51] Long baguette, smoking cigarettes.

[49:53] They're all kind of ennui.

Stuart Wellington

[49:53] That's the kind of city liberals want where you have to go out.

[49:56] You can go out and buy one baguette each day.

Elliott Kalan

[50:00] I mean, have you seen the size of the refrigerators in Paris?

[50:03] Much smaller.

[50:04] Much smaller.

Stuart Wellington

[50:04] When actually, what liberals want is the kind of bag of baguettes that Tom Wilkinson's carrying and Michael Clayton that's just stuffed with baguettes.

[50:13] Have you seen this?

[50:13] He's got – there's like 20 baguettes in this bag.

[50:16] It's amazing.

[50:16] You're like, how many baguettes does one man eat?

[50:18] That's the show that he's spiraling into madness.

[50:22] Yeah.

[50:23] It's too many baguettes.

[50:24] So many baguettes.

Elliott Kalan

[50:26] That is a subtle sign of madness.

[50:30] When Iron Maiden asked, can I play with madness, they just meant, how many baguettes do I get to eat?

Alonso Duralde

[50:40] Since 2017, Maximum Film has had the same slogan.

Stuart Wellington

[50:44] The podcast that's not just a bunch of straight white guys.

Alonso Duralde

[50:46] Ooh, we've learned something over the years.

[50:48] Some people out there really do not like that slogan.

Stuart Wellington

[50:51] Listen, we love straight white guys.

Alonso Duralde

[50:54] Well, some of them.

Stuart Wellington

[50:55] But if there's one thing we can't change, it's who we are.

[50:58] I'm Ify, a comedian who was on strike last year in two different unions.

Alonso Duralde

[51:02] I'm Drea.

[51:03] I've been a producer and film festival programmer for decades.

Stuart Wellington

[51:06] And I'm Alonzo, a film critic who literally wrote the book on queer Hollywood.

Alonso Duralde

[51:10] You can listen to us talk movies and the movie biz every week on Maximum Film.

[51:14] We may not be straight white guys, but we love movies.

Stuart Wellington

[51:17] And we know what we're talking about.

Alonso Duralde

[51:19] Listen to Maximum Film on Maximum Fun or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[51:25] Oh, darling.

S5

[51:29] Why won't you accept my love?

[51:31] My dear, even though you are a duke, I could never love you.

[51:35] You, you borrowed a book from me and never returned it.

[51:42] Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening to Reading Glasses.

[51:46] We'll help you get those borrowed books back and solve all your other reader problems.

[51:50] Reading Glasses, every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Dan McCoy

[51:54] Here's a thing that I want to tell you, and that's that the Flophouse is sponsored in part by Squarespace.

[51:59] The all-in-one website platform that lets entrepreneurs stand out and succeed online.

[52:05] Whether you're starting out or managing your existing brand, Squarespace makes it easy to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything from products to content to time in one place on your terms.

[52:17] If you want to start a website warning people of the shark dangers in Paris, for instance, a live map that tells you where the sharks are and where they aren't, Squarespace is a platform for you.

[52:30] And with Squarespace Blueprint, that's their new guided design system that lets you choose from curated layout and styling options to build a unique website from the ground up, tailored to your brand or business, and optimized for every device.

[52:43] Your customers can enjoy seamless checkout with their simple but powerful payment tools, such as PayPal, Apple Pay, and in eligible countries, customers can buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay.

[52:59] So, you know, if they want to pay later for that life-saving shark information, that's a possibility in select countries.

[53:06] Sell your products and services, whether you sell physical goods, digital content, or services.

[53:11] Squarespace has the tools you need to set up an online store and start selling.

[53:17] So, go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

[53:21] And when you are ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[53:31] I believe we have a Jumbotron.

[53:33] We do have a Jumbotron.

Elliott Kalan

[53:35] We have two Jumbotrons.

[53:36] I'll take one.

[53:37] Stu, you take the other.

[53:38] We'll do this Lilith style where we – there's more than one of us.

[53:43] Yeah.

[53:44] That's not what happens.

[53:45] It started without an ending, I think.

[53:47] Yeah, I didn't really know where I was going with it.

[53:49] So, this Jumbotron is for Jake Bosshart, and it's from Val, Henry, and Ellie.

[53:54] And they say, happy birthday to the best friend, husband, and dad.

[53:57] You are the very opposite of bad movies, and we love you.

[54:01] That's so sweet.

[54:01] What a lovely birthday message.

[54:03] Happy birthday, Jake.

Stuart Wellington

[54:05] And this – ooh.

[54:06] And this next message is for Rob Lubus.

[54:11] And the message is from Rob and Tom.

[54:15] Happy 40th birthday, Lubus.

[54:18] Even though you, Arena, and Plotkin don't live as close as you once did,

[54:24] they still feel lucky that you are one of their best friends.

[54:28] I'm assuming this is Rob and Tom.

[54:30] And they're glad that everything you three talk about today

[54:33] is just as dumb as it was in high school.

[54:37] Here's to more years of smoked meats, hoppy beer, and dumb movies.

[54:43] We love you, man.

[54:44] And all those things we love, too, here at the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[54:48] Put an ominous spin on that one.

[54:50] Hey, before we move on to some more information about that live show

[54:54] that Elliot mentioned before, I just want to say

[54:56] the Flophouse now has a newsletter written primarily by me

[55:02] but with other contributions at times called Flop Secrets.

[55:07] And if you want to get all of your behind-the-scenes flop information –

Elliott Kalan

[55:12] It continues the movie theme by putting a popcorn thing in there.

[55:15] I like it.

[55:15] It's good.

Dan McCoy

[55:17] Basically, why don't you go to flophousepodcast.com.

[55:20] There's a field on the front page there where you can put your email address in

[55:26] to receive this newsletter.

[55:29] It comes the day before our main episodes.

[55:32] It tells you what we're up to.

[55:34] There's always something silly in there that's also fun to read,

[55:37] so it's not just advertising.

[55:39] It's just a good way for us to connect with you that doesn't involve us,

[55:43] say, getting on the website of an evil billionaire who is awful

[55:48] and allows awful things to be said.

Stuart Wellington

[55:51] Is there like a puzzle or a jumble or one of those like spot the difference?

[55:56] Is there a junior jumble?

[55:56] I mean, not yet.

[55:58] Dan, you're talented.

[55:59] You should drone us.

Dan McCoy

[56:00] You could do one of those, Dan.

[56:01] I could do a junior jumble.

[56:02] It's true.

[56:03] I'll look into that.

[56:04] Or even a grown-up jumble.

[56:05] A regular jumble?

Stuart Wellington

[56:06] Like a nudie touch one where it's like spot the difference.

[56:11] I'm sorry, nudie touch?

[56:12] That's what we called it.

[56:13] But we used to go to a bar in Park Slope that had one of those machines

[56:18] where it would like show two pictures of like a lady in lingerie

[56:22] and you had to spot the differences.

[56:24] We just called it nudie touch because you had a touch screen

[56:26] and there was nudies on it.

[56:28] And we were drunk.

[56:29] Come on, man.

[56:30] So Flophouse Newsletter.

Elliott Kalan

[56:34] While you're over at the Flophouse website

[56:35] and you're signing up for that great newsletter

[56:37] where you'll learn about all sorts of Flophouse stuff,

[56:39] let me tell you about something you'll probably also learn about

[56:41] on the newsletter, which, as I mentioned above,

[56:43] is that we have a new online video event premiere coming up.

[56:47] Our final of the two vidiots shows in Los Angeles

[56:51] that we recorded last year is being released on video

[56:53] by the beautiful people at StagePilot

[56:55] who did a beautiful job on this beautiful show.

[56:58] And we're talking three men and a baby

[57:00] and we're joined by the star of the show.

[57:03] That's right.

[57:03] We just had to call it three men and a Hallie.

[57:07] So this is, again, a really, like,

[57:10] fantastically professionally put together video

[57:12] of that other live show.

[57:14] And you're going to get the whole thing.

[57:15] You're going to get our presentations.

[57:17] You're going to get the whole discussion

[57:18] with star of the show, Hallie Hagelin,

[57:19] talking about three men and a baby.

[57:21] You're going to get the audience questions.

[57:22] You're going to get little bits of footage

[57:24] and jokes that were not part of the live show

[57:26] and were recorded at the time.

[57:28] But if you went to the live show,

[57:30] you also missed this stuff.

[57:31] You didn't get to see it.

[57:32] And if you weren't at the show,

[57:34] you haven't seen any of this.

[57:35] It's all original material, all new stuff.

[57:38] And not only that,

[57:39] is there going to be exclusive merchandise,

[57:41] three men and a Hallie-themed merchandise, Dan,

[57:44] sold during this video window and no other time?

Dan McCoy

[57:46] That's true.

[57:47] I drew some art for this,

[57:51] for the merch for the show.

Stuart Wellington

[57:52] Why do you say art like that, Dan?

[57:54] Well, you know, look,

Dan McCoy

[57:55] it involves the three of us and Hallie

[57:59] in one of the drawings.

[58:01] And I worry I didn't do us the fullest justice

[58:06] in the sense that it's hard to draw anyone

[58:10] that you know personally

[58:11] without feeling that maybe you've insulted them.

[58:13] But I also think that the art is nice

[58:16] and people will like it.

Elliott Kalan

[58:17] Yeah.

[58:18] You're a good artist, Dan.

[58:19] Yeah, you are a good artist.

[58:20] Thank you.

[58:21] Just because I look like a kind of,

[58:22] I look like kind of a possessed ventriloquist dummy

[58:24] of the MC from Cabaret.

[58:26] That's okay.

[58:26] Oh, dog.

[58:27] I hate to break it to you.

[58:31] What?

[58:32] But Dan did a great job.

[58:34] It's original Dan McCoy art on that merchandise

[58:35] and you will only be able to get it

[58:37] during the video window of this show.

[58:39] So when's the video window?

[58:40] It's in a premier.

[58:41] I was just going to say,

[58:42] that's why your wife always wants to watch magic with you.

[58:46] Yeah, because then she can be like,

[58:48] that's you in the movie, right?

[58:49] So the premieres Saturday, August 4th

[58:52] at 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific.

[58:54] Sunday, August 4th.

[58:55] Oh, Sunday.

[58:55] I'm sorry.

[58:55] Sunday, August 4th.

[58:56] I apologize.

[58:57] It premieres Sunday, August 4th

[59:00] We will be in the chat box watching it with you

[59:02] live chatting, you know, over text

[59:04] during that first airing.

[59:06] But then you can't make it

[59:07] on Sunday, August 4th

[59:10] Just stream it at your leisure

[59:11] for the next two straight weeks

[59:13] as many times as you want.

[59:15] Over and over.

[59:16] Until midnight, the night of August 18th.

[59:19] That's when it stops.

[59:20] But until then, you can just watch it

[59:21] whenever you want, over and over.

[59:23] Just leave it on as background noise

[59:25] or, you know, visuals if you want.

[59:27] So that is Three Men and a Hallie,

[59:29] a new live video event

[59:31] featuring the Flophouse

[59:33] and star of the show, Hallie Haglund.

[59:34] Just go to flophousepodcast.com

[59:36] slash events,

[59:37] and you will see the listing

[59:38] for Three Men and a Hallie.

[59:40] The fine people of StagePilot

[59:41] have done another fantastic job.

[59:43] We're so excited to be working

[59:44] with them again.

[59:45] Go over there, get your tickets,

[59:46] and watch it when it's up.

Dan McCoy

[59:49] Well, let's move on

[59:51] to letters from listeners.

[59:54] Perfect.

[59:55] We have listeners.

[59:56] You're one of them.

[59:57] You.

[59:58] I'm pointing at you.

[59:59] Me?

[1:00:00] The one with the headphones on

[1:00:01] listening to us.

[1:00:03] Did you send this letter?

[1:00:05] Could be.

[1:00:05] Let's read on and find out.

[1:00:07] This one is from

[1:00:08] Anwar Last Name Withheld,

[1:00:10] who writes,

[1:00:12] Hey, peaches.

[1:00:13] I'm listening to your disclosure episode,

[1:00:15] and you have just pointed out

[1:00:16] that the major twist of the movie,

[1:00:18] the major twist is that the movie

[1:00:19] is about corporate shenanigans,

[1:00:21] not sexual harassment.

[1:00:23] Strangely,

[1:00:24] that has me thinking about

[1:00:25] all the times you pointed out

[1:00:26] that 80s and 90s children's films

[1:00:28] would often have corporate themes,

[1:00:30] i.e.

[1:00:31] Santa Claus the movie,

[1:00:32] where John Lithgow

[1:00:33] wanted to corner the market

[1:00:35] on Christmas.

[1:00:36] So I was thinking,

[1:00:37] what Flophouse movies

[1:00:38] would be enhanced

[1:00:39] by shifting the focus of the movie

[1:00:41] to something more corporate?

[1:00:42] For example,

[1:00:43] would Dweegans and Leprechauns

[1:00:45] benefit from a storyline

[1:00:46] focused on the big

[1:00:47] Dweegans slash Leprechaun merger?

[1:00:50] Or maybe Batman v Superman

[1:00:52] should have focused on

[1:00:53] how the Daily Planet

[1:00:53] isn't selling well anymore,

[1:00:55] and they need to transition

[1:00:56] to BuzzFeed-style listicles.

[1:00:59] Last thing,

[1:01:00] I listened to your entire run

[1:01:01] during the pandemic.

[1:01:02] It made every day easier.

[1:01:03] It's the best podcast around,

[1:01:04] and one day in the future

[1:01:05] when Dan does the introduction,

[1:01:07] he will mess up

[1:01:08] his own name again,

[1:01:09] and it will be

[1:01:09] the best thing ever.

[1:01:11] Love you guys.

[1:01:12] Ammar.

[1:01:14] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:16] That's a tough one.

[1:01:17] I do love,

[1:01:18] man,

[1:01:19] I feel like,

[1:01:21] do you think that like

[1:01:23] all the corporate garbage

[1:01:25] was thrown in there

[1:01:25] because they're like,

[1:01:26] we need to give parents

[1:01:27] something to really latch onto,

[1:01:28] or they're like,

[1:01:29] we need to prepare kids

[1:01:30] for the harsh realities

[1:01:31] of the world.

[1:01:33] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:01:33] it's not going to be like

[1:01:34] floating candy canes

[1:01:35] all their lives.

[1:01:36] To be honest,

[1:01:37] Mario Brothers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:37] I think it was,

[1:01:38] honestly,

[1:01:39] I think it was probably

[1:01:39] people writing about

[1:01:40] the things that they knew about.

[1:01:43] Like that they were,

[1:01:43] as opposed,

[1:01:44] it's the same way that

[1:01:45] my wife was reading a book

[1:01:46] last night,

[1:01:47] and she was like,

[1:01:47] I don't know if I'm going

[1:01:48] to keep reading this book.

[1:01:48] It's like kind of a satire

[1:01:49] on academia

[1:01:51] and the things that college kids

[1:01:53] kind of get obsessed with.

[1:01:55] And she's like,

[1:01:55] I'm kind of like,

[1:01:56] yeah,

[1:01:57] I heard about this.

[1:01:58] I know about it.

[1:01:59] But there's a lot of writers

[1:01:59] who write about that stuff

[1:02:00] because it's the world

[1:02:01] that they swim in.

[1:02:02] And so I don't think that

[1:02:03] screenwriters were necessarily

[1:02:04] swimming in corporate intrigue,

[1:02:07] but the people who were,

[1:02:07] paying them,

[1:02:08] I think,

[1:02:09] were at that time.

[1:02:10] But also,

[1:02:11] but maybe there is

[1:02:12] an ulterior motive,

[1:02:13] which is like,

[1:02:13] we got to get kids,

[1:02:14] maybe they were trying

[1:02:14] to teach kids

[1:02:15] not to get into

[1:02:16] the corporate world

[1:02:17] because it's so stressful.

[1:02:19] And so they could all

[1:02:20] be free living artists.

[1:02:21] I don't know.

[1:02:22] That's possible too.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:23] I'd like to see it

[1:02:24] in like a movie

[1:02:25] where it really doesn't belong.

[1:02:27] Like,

Dan McCoy

[1:02:28] 10,000 BC?

[1:02:29] Well, yeah,

[1:02:30] like stuff that we did.

[1:02:31] I was looking through,

[1:02:31] I was going to say

[1:02:32] The Legend of Hercules.

[1:02:33] If we cut away

[1:02:34] from Hercules' labors

[1:02:36] to like Hercules' managers,

[1:02:37] which I guess are

[1:02:38] the Mount Olympus gods,

[1:02:41] I don't know.

[1:02:42] Yeah,

[1:02:42] they're kind of like

[1:02:43] his managers.

[1:02:44] Some corporate intrigue

[1:02:45] between them.

[1:02:46] I don't know.

[1:02:47] I don't know.

[1:02:49] The Roman gods

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:50] and the Greek gods

[1:02:52] are so similar.

[1:02:53] They might as well merge.

[1:02:54] Yeah,

[1:02:54] they're competing

[1:02:55] for the same share

[1:02:56] of the marketplace.

[1:02:57] Now,

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:57] if they were going to...

[1:02:57] But I feel like

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:58] the corporate intrigue

[1:03:01] of the Greek gods

[1:03:02] is basically the Iliad,

[1:03:04] right?

[1:03:05] I mean,

[1:03:05] pretty much,

[1:03:06] yeah.

[1:03:06] That's why Troy

[1:03:07] doesn't work for me

[1:03:08] as a movie

[1:03:09] is because

[1:03:09] when you take

[1:03:10] the Greek gods

[1:03:11] out of that story,

[1:03:12] you're like,

[1:03:13] okay,

[1:03:13] this doesn't make sense.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:15] I would agree

[1:03:16] except for the comic book series

[1:03:17] Age of Bronze,

[1:03:18] which is a really good,

[1:03:20] the Trojan War

[1:03:21] without the gods in it.

[1:03:22] Okay.

[1:03:23] How old is Bronze

[1:03:24] these days?

[1:03:25] Bronze,

[1:03:26] it's looking great.

[1:03:27] I mean,

[1:03:27] the thing is,

[1:03:27] it can play anywhere

[1:03:28] from 18 to 735,000.

[1:03:32] It's like a real

[1:03:33] George Hamilton.

[1:03:34] Actually,

[1:03:34] Bronze doesn't go back

[1:03:35] that far.

[1:03:36] How far back

[1:03:36] does Bronze go?

[1:03:37] Probably like 10,000 years

[1:03:38] or something like that?

Dan McCoy

[1:03:39] I don't know.

[1:03:40] Geologists write in.

[1:03:41] Geologists?

[1:03:41] Would that be who does it?

[1:03:42] Geologists.

[1:03:42] People who study

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:43] Gela or geologists.

[1:03:44] People who study

[1:03:45] geala movies.

[1:03:48] Metallurgists?

[1:03:48] Geologists.

[1:03:49] I don't know.

[1:03:50] That's Dan McCoy saying,

[1:03:51] he who smelt it,

[1:03:52] dealt it,

Dan McCoy

[1:03:53] get some metal

[1:03:53] over here,

[1:03:54] smelters.

[1:03:55] So,

[1:03:56] I mean,

[1:03:56] unless you have

[1:03:58] specific answers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:59] When I was thinking

[1:03:59] about this,

[1:04:00] I was being a little

[1:04:00] too literal

[1:04:00] and I was thinking

[1:04:01] about the movie

[1:04:01] No Deposit,

[1:04:02] which is all about

[1:04:02] a guy losing his job

[1:04:04] because of the recession

[1:04:05] and then another guy

[1:04:06] running a beverage business

[1:04:08] and there's almost

[1:04:09] no corporate stuff

[1:04:10] in that whatsoever.

[1:04:11] But I wouldn't have

[1:04:12] minded seeing a little

[1:04:12] bit more of

[1:04:13] what was going on there.

[1:04:14] Yeah,

[1:04:14] like in Faithful Findings,

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:16] I would love for there

[1:04:16] to be a scene of like,

[1:04:18] they're like,

[1:04:18] wow,

[1:04:18] we've been selling

[1:04:19] so many laptops

[1:04:20] to this guy.

[1:04:21] What's going on?

[1:04:22] I've got the findings

Dan McCoy

[1:04:24] and they're so fateful.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:25] When he says he's

[1:04:26] hacked into corporate secrets

[1:04:27] and we don't find out

[1:04:28] what those secrets are,

[1:04:29] he seems like a real

[1:04:30] waste of foreshadowing.

[1:04:32] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:34] This letter is from

[1:04:36] Willie,

[1:04:36] last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:38] Who writes,

[1:04:39] Alpha's driving me crazy.

[1:04:43] Dear Dan,

Dan McCoy

[1:04:46] Elliot,

[1:04:46] and Stuart,

[1:04:47] I hope this letter

[1:04:48] finds you well

[1:04:48] and I must apologize

[1:04:49] for the unconventional

[1:04:50] means of communication.

[1:04:52] My name is Willie

[1:04:53] and I write to you

[1:04:53] as a time traveler

[1:04:54] from a future

[1:04:55] that has been shaped

[1:04:56] by your podcast,

[1:04:57] The Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:58] Okay,

[1:04:58] I'm going to say right here,

[1:04:59] Willie,

[1:04:59] that the means of communication

[1:05:00] is not strange at all.

[1:05:02] I guess it's more the story

[1:05:03] you're telling with it

[1:05:04] because send us an email

[1:05:05] is not...

Dan McCoy

[1:05:05] I think as a future man,

[1:05:08] the email is an archaic form.

[1:05:11] because he's used to

[1:05:12] just sending thought grams.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:14] Yeah,

[1:05:14] like plug your ponytail

[1:05:16] into something.

[1:05:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:19] Sounds like a slogan

[1:05:20] for the worst,

[1:05:21] the worst kind of

[1:05:22] cool young person's

[1:05:24] like a drink.

[1:05:26] Plug your ponytail

[1:05:27] into something.

Dan McCoy

[1:05:29] I write to you

[1:05:30] as a time traveler

[1:05:31] from a future

[1:05:31] that has been shaped

[1:05:32] by your podcast,

[1:05:33] The Flophouse.

[1:05:33] In this world,

[1:05:34] your podcast

[1:05:35] has transcended

[1:05:36] its status

[1:05:36] as entertainment

[1:05:37] and become a catalyst

[1:05:39] for a utopian society,

[1:05:41] particularly due

[1:05:41] to one fateful decision,

[1:05:43] Crowvember.

[1:05:45] Crowvember

[1:05:46] quickly captured

[1:05:47] the hearts and minds

[1:05:48] of listeners,

[1:05:49] critics,

[1:05:49] and Hollywood itself

[1:05:50] with the infectious enthusiasm

[1:05:52] with which you tackled

[1:05:54] Crow's filmography,

[1:05:55] rekindled interest

[1:05:56] in his work,

[1:05:58] and Russell Crowe himself,

[1:05:59] taking note

[1:06:00] of your dedication

[1:06:01] and humor,

[1:06:03] fully embraced

[1:06:03] Crowvember,

[1:06:04] leading to a resurgence

[1:06:05] in his career

[1:06:06] that was nothing short

[1:06:06] of legendary.

[1:06:08] But it didn't stop there.

[1:06:10] Topeka, Kansas

[1:06:10] became a hub

[1:06:11] for film enthusiasts,

[1:06:13] hosting an annual

[1:06:14] Crowvember film festival

[1:06:15] that drew fans

[1:06:16] from across the globe.

[1:06:18] It single-handedly

[1:06:18] revived the local economy,

[1:06:20] turning Topeka

[1:06:21] into a cultural hotspot.

[1:06:23] People found

[1:06:23] common ground

[1:06:24] in the shared love

[1:06:25] for Russell Crowe's

[1:06:26] diverse roles.

[1:06:27] This passion for cinema

[1:06:28] transcended borders,

[1:06:30] fostering global unity.

[1:06:32] Your podcast, gentlemen,

[1:06:34] unwittingly set the stage

[1:06:35] for a utopian society.

[1:06:37] The success of Crowvember

[1:06:38] ultimately led

[1:06:39] to a world

[1:06:40] where understanding

[1:06:40] and cultural exchange thrived.

[1:06:43] It's astonishing

[1:06:43] to see the profound impact

[1:06:45] your endeavors

[1:06:46] had on history.

[1:06:47] With sincere gratitude

[1:06:48] and admiration,

[1:06:49] Willie Lastname withheld.

[1:06:51] So this is a...

Stuart Wellington

[1:06:52] I can only hope

[1:06:53] that Crowvember

[1:06:54] revived the dark universe

[1:06:56] and we finally got that

[1:06:57] Dr. Jekyll,

[1:06:58] Mr. Hyde movie starring.

[1:06:59] Oh, possible.

[1:06:59] Oh, finally.

[1:07:00] I could do without

[1:07:01] the Johnny Depp

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:01] Invisible Man movie,

[1:07:02] but I want that

[1:07:03] Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:04] We'll only know

[1:07:05] if that's true

[1:07:05] if we fulfill

[1:07:07] our dark destiny.

[1:07:09] So we'll have to make

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:10] Crowvember?

[1:07:12] I mean, you know,

[1:07:13] I...

[1:07:13] I'm not completely against it.

[1:07:15] He's got a new

[1:07:15] Exorcist movie coming out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:17] Isn't this one

[1:07:18] about a guy

[1:07:18] making a movie

[1:07:19] about an exorcist

[1:07:21] and he starts to...

[1:07:22] Things get too real?

[1:07:24] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:24] I hadn't looked into it

[1:07:25] so I couldn't tell

[1:07:26] if it was the same character

[1:07:26] or not.

[1:07:27] If it's not the same character,

[1:07:28] that would be amazing.

[1:07:29] If Russell Crowe makes

[1:07:30] a different exorcist movie

[1:07:31] without it being

[1:07:32] featured as a different guy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07:34] I love Italian Columbo,

[1:07:35] the exorcist,

[1:07:36] the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:38] Yeah.

[1:07:38] I didn't...

[1:07:39] You know,

[1:07:40] I am...

[1:07:41] I don't want to let down

[1:07:43] our Bill and Ted

[1:07:44] style utopian

[1:07:45] feature society

[1:07:46] that we helped

[1:07:48] usher in.

[1:07:50] Crowvember would come

[1:07:51] after two other

[1:07:52] theme months

[1:07:52] which would really

[1:07:54] sort of handcuff us.

[1:07:55] Yeah, you're right, Dan.

[1:07:56] World peace isn't worth that.

[1:07:58] No, but the pun

[1:07:59] is so good

[1:08:00] I feel like

[1:08:01] maybe we should look

[1:08:02] for a Russell Crowe

[1:08:03] movie in November

[1:08:04] and maybe we can

[1:08:05] work our way up.

[1:08:06] We don't do it all Crowe.

[1:08:06] Do those happen?

[1:08:07] Do those exist?

[1:08:09] Yeah, I think there's

[1:08:10] a few of them out there.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:11] Let's...

[1:08:11] Guys, let's do it.

[1:08:13] Let's do one movie

[1:08:14] with Russell Crowe

[1:08:15] in November.

[1:08:16] For God's sake.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:19] Yeah, so we'll see

[1:08:20] what we can have.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:21] For this Thanksgiving,

[1:08:22] we're not eating turkey.

[1:08:23] We're eating crow.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:25] Pretty good, actually.

[1:08:27] Crowe is good?

[1:08:29] No.

[1:08:29] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:31] I know Dan

[1:08:32] is a talented chef

[1:08:33] so I think he could

[1:08:34] perform it.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:35] Oh, okay.

[1:08:35] Yeah, the branding

[1:08:36] perform it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:38] He could prepare it

[1:08:39] well as well.

[1:08:40] That's fine.

[1:08:41] I mean, we have

[1:08:41] Cagemas.

[1:08:42] We could have Crowe's Giving.

[1:08:43] That's the other thing.

[1:08:44] Although I know

[1:08:44] it has to be called

[1:08:44] Crowvember for that

[1:08:45] beautiful future

[1:08:46] to come to pass.

[1:08:47] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:48] If we call it

[1:08:49] Crowe's Giving,

[1:08:50] it'll be like

[1:08:51] something will go wrong

[1:08:53] and the future

[1:08:53] will be terrible.

[1:08:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:55] Unlike now.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:58] As opposed to right now.

[1:08:59] Yeah, when it's just

[1:09:00] good things

[1:09:00] one after another.

[1:09:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:02] Guys,

[1:09:02] there's only one more

[1:09:04] segment on the show

[1:09:05] before we get released

[1:09:07] from our curse.

[1:09:08] Dan's Beatbox Lessons.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:10] So Dan,

[1:09:10] last week you showed us

[1:09:11] how to lay down

[1:09:11] a solid backbeat.

[1:09:13] Now, show us how to

[1:09:14] ramp it up

[1:09:15] and add some flavor

[1:09:16] to it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:16] Yeah, yeah.

[1:09:17] Show us how to do

[1:09:18] your patented

[1:09:18] Dan McCoy stanky leg.

[1:09:21] Stanky leg.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:23] Maybe I'll save that

[1:09:24] for the newsletter.

[1:09:26] Yeah, with diagrams.

[1:09:27] Seems like the right

[1:09:28] medium for that.

[1:09:30] Yeah.

[1:09:31] I mean, I don't know

[1:09:32] that a podcast,

[1:09:33] an audio podcast

[1:09:34] would be any better

[1:09:35] than for a dance lesson.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:37] It would just be Dan

[1:09:38] talking and then us

[1:09:39] saying,

[1:09:40] oh shit.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:41] Okay, right now

[1:09:42] I'm moving my leg

[1:09:43] in a particularly

[1:09:44] stanky fashion.

[1:09:46] Imagine it, guys.

[1:09:48] Stankier.

[1:09:51] No, this is the part

[1:09:52] where we recommend

[1:09:53] movies that we saw

[1:09:54] recently and enjoyed.

[1:09:57] Or not recently.

[1:09:57] You can just pick one

[1:09:58] out of the hat.

[1:09:59] The old memory hat.

[1:10:00] But in my case.

[1:10:01] You mean the head?

[1:10:02] Thanks, dog.

[1:10:03] Head hat.

[1:10:04] In my case,

[1:10:05] I'm going to recommend

[1:10:06] a movie that I caught up

[1:10:08] with sort of

[1:10:09] later in its run.

[1:10:10] I finally saw

[1:10:11] Maxine.

[1:10:12] Maxine.

[1:10:13] The third X movie

[1:10:15] from, what is it,

[1:10:16] T-West or Ty West?

[1:10:17] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:18] I call him Ty West.

[1:10:19] Ty West is what I've heard, yeah.

[1:10:21] I mean, T-West would be

[1:10:22] if you're just using

[1:10:22] his initial.

[1:10:23] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:24] Or having some tea.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10:26] And his primary collaborator,

Dan McCoy

[1:10:29] Mia Goth.

[1:10:30] His muse.

[1:10:31] You a gough?

[1:10:32] Yeah.

[1:10:35] Mia Goth.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:36] Yeah, that's when

[1:10:37] Mario walks out

[1:10:38] a fucking hot topic.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:41] Okay.

[1:10:42] There's nothing in the rule book

[1:10:43] that says I can't be a goth.

[1:10:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:10:44] Like, wow,

[1:10:45] there's new Mario games

[1:10:46] doing some cool outfits.

[1:10:47] It's to me,

[1:10:47] a goth.

[1:10:49] And then Mia Goth

[1:10:49] says,

[1:10:50] ooh, me?

[1:10:51] She says it way more

[1:10:52] oi govna than that.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:54] Yeah, that's true.

[1:10:54] She is pretty oi govna

[1:10:55] for how

[1:10:57] ridiculously

[1:10:59] southern fried

[1:11:00] Maxine Minx

[1:11:01] her character is.

[1:11:01] Oh, she rules.

[1:11:03] Hey, this is a,

[1:11:04] this has gotten

[1:11:05] the most mixed reviews

[1:11:07] of the three movies.

[1:11:09] And I,

[1:11:09] I, you know,

[1:11:10] it's probably

[1:11:10] the least successful

[1:11:13] of them.

[1:11:13] I will,

[1:11:13] I will give it that.

[1:11:14] But I liked it

[1:11:15] a lot still.

[1:11:17] I think that,

[1:11:18] um,

[1:11:19] a lot of the problems

[1:11:20] that people had with it

[1:11:21] were

[1:11:21] third act problems

[1:11:24] where I'm like,

[1:11:25] maybe it's lazy

[1:11:26] to

[1:11:27] say like,

[1:11:29] hey,

[1:11:29] these are things

[1:11:30] that happen

[1:11:30] in the stuff

[1:11:31] I'm referencing.

[1:11:32] and so like,

[1:11:33] a thing that gives

[1:11:34] you a problem

[1:11:34] shouldn't be a problem.

[1:11:36] Like,

[1:11:36] I can understand

[1:11:37] not liking that argument,

[1:11:39] but I feel like

[1:11:40] this is drawing so much

[1:11:41] from Jello movies

[1:11:42] where

[1:11:42] there is a

[1:11:44] utterly

[1:11:45] ridiculous

[1:11:46] sort of

[1:11:46] solution

[1:11:47] to the mystery

[1:11:48] of what's going on

[1:11:50] that

[1:11:51] I think

[1:11:52] some of the things

[1:11:52] that people

[1:11:53] who maybe

[1:11:54] are not as

[1:11:55] like,

[1:11:56] deep into

[1:11:57] these references

[1:11:58] had problems with

[1:11:59] are kind of,

[1:12:01] I don't know,

[1:12:02] baked in.

[1:12:03] I know that it sounds

[1:12:04] snobby where it's like,

[1:12:05] you gotta be a real

[1:12:06] horror fan to appreciate this

[1:12:07] and I'm not trying to say that,

[1:12:08] but I do think that like,

[1:12:10] it didn't bother me so much

[1:12:11] in large part because like,

[1:12:14] these are just

[1:12:14] types of movie

[1:12:16] I already enjoy

[1:12:17] that this is

[1:12:18] drawing on.

[1:12:20] And,

[1:12:21] you know,

[1:12:21] Meagoth's still great.

[1:12:23] It's very

[1:12:24] stylishly made.

[1:12:26] It's just,

[1:12:27] whether or not you have

[1:12:28] plot problems,

[1:12:29] it's just,

[1:12:29] a lot of fun

[1:12:31] to watch,

[1:12:31] I think.

[1:12:32] And,

[1:12:32] you know,

[1:12:35] Giancarlo Esposito,

[1:12:37] Kevin Bacon,

[1:12:38] Kevin Bacon,

[1:12:39] knows the,

[1:12:40] follow the brief,

[1:12:41] being as greasy

[1:12:42] as a man can be,

[1:12:44] Elizabeth Debecky

[1:12:45] just looking

[1:12:45] as astounding

[1:12:47] as a human

[1:12:48] can look.

[1:12:50] It's just a lot of fun.

Stuart Wellington

[1:12:51] Yeah,

[1:12:51] I'll offer a slightly

[1:12:52] dissenting opinion

[1:12:53] because this is a movie

[1:12:53] that I liked

[1:12:54] and there's a lot of stuff

[1:12:55] that I really like about it.

[1:12:56] I just,

[1:12:56] I think,

[1:12:57] like,

[1:12:57] I feel like it references

[1:12:58] Dressed to Kill,

[1:12:59] and Body Double

[1:13:00] so much

[1:13:01] that I wishes,

[1:13:02] I wished it was,

[1:13:03] like,

[1:13:03] a little bit sleazier.

[1:13:05] Well,

[1:13:05] if wishes were fishes.

[1:13:06] That's true,

[1:13:07] I guess.

[1:13:08] Good point,

[1:13:09] Dave.

[1:13:09] But at the same time,

[1:13:09] I had high,

[1:13:11] you know,

[1:13:12] I think part of it

[1:13:13] is I had high expectations.

[1:13:14] I loved Pearl

[1:13:14] and I liked Exenoth.

[1:13:16] Again,

[1:13:17] I didn't dislike it,

[1:13:18] but there's,

[1:13:18] like,

[1:13:19] I think I had higher hopes.

Dan McCoy

[1:13:20] No,

[1:13:21] it is a come down

[1:13:22] from the series high

[1:13:23] of,

[1:13:23] I think,

[1:13:24] Pearl is my pick,

[1:13:26] but a lot of fun still.

[1:13:27] Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13:28] I'm going to recommend

[1:13:29] another horror movie

[1:13:31] that I went to the movie theater

[1:13:32] with Dan McCoy

[1:13:33] so that he could keep me

[1:13:35] from getting too scared.

[1:13:37] We went and saw

[1:13:38] a opening weekend screening

[1:13:40] of Long Legs,

[1:13:42] the hit of the summer.

[1:13:43] It was a packed-ass theater

[1:13:45] full of people

[1:13:46] and there were so many people

[1:13:47] that they're like,

[1:13:48] people were having trouble

[1:13:49] finding seats

[1:13:50] and they're like,

[1:13:51] I guess I'll just stand

[1:13:52] and I'm like,

[1:13:52] that's fucking crazy, dude.

[1:13:53] Go home.

[1:13:54] Come another time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13:55] I've never heard of it,

[1:13:55] but also they shouldn't sell

[1:13:56] more tickets

[1:13:57] than there are seats

Dan McCoy

[1:13:58] in the theater.

[1:13:59] some sort of ticketing error

[1:14:00] in this case.

[1:14:01] Computer error, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:03] Maybe, yeah,

[1:14:04] maybe Long Legs

[1:14:05] is playing havoc

[1:14:05] in the computer.

[1:14:07] Legs are just too long.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:09] I need an extra seat

[1:14:10] for my long legs.

Stuart Wellington

[1:14:12] So, yeah,

[1:14:13] I mean,

[1:14:13] this is a oddly

[1:14:15] very successful horror movie,

[1:14:16] successful financially.

[1:14:17] It's a very successful

[1:14:18] horror movie

[1:14:19] as a movie, too.

[1:14:20] It's just like

[1:14:20] a nonstop,

[1:14:22] overwhelming,

[1:14:23] dreadful experience.

[1:14:25] I describe it as like

[1:14:26] a two-hour tummy ache.

[1:14:28] It is like

[1:14:29] the music

[1:14:30] and the way it is shot

[1:14:31] and the way

[1:14:32] everything is performed

[1:14:33] is so overwhelming

[1:14:34] that like

[1:14:36] I could talk about

[1:14:36] the plot,

[1:14:37] but I don't think

[1:14:37] that matters that much.

[1:14:39] I guess there's like

[1:14:39] a serial killer element

[1:14:40] to it

[1:14:41] and Nicolas Cage gives,

[1:14:43] I would say,

[1:14:43] one of like

[1:14:44] a top five

[1:14:45] all-time

[1:14:45] Nicolas Cage performance

[1:14:47] and it is pitched

[1:14:48] at such a high level,

[1:14:49] but for some reason

[1:14:50] it manages to work

[1:14:51] within the context

[1:14:52] of the movie.

[1:14:54] Like,

[1:14:54] it's a movie where

[1:14:55] I'm sure there's

[1:14:57] already a backlash

[1:14:58] forming

[1:14:58] about people that are like,

[1:15:00] this didn't make sense

[1:15:01] and I'm like,

[1:15:02] you are missing

[1:15:02] the point of this movie.

[1:15:03] This is a,

[1:15:04] this is just like

[1:15:05] a nonstop,

[1:15:06] you are uncomfortable

[1:15:07] and unhappy

[1:15:08] moment.

[1:15:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:15:09] If it doesn't make sense,

[1:15:10] it doesn't make sense

[1:15:11] in sort of a nightmare

[1:15:12] way that makes sense

[1:15:14] for a horror movie.

[1:15:15] I will say,

[1:15:16] just to temper

[1:15:17] people's expectations,

[1:15:19] like,

[1:15:19] it is

[1:15:20] a nonstop

[1:15:22] whatever you said,

[1:15:24] but,

[1:15:25] well,

[1:15:25] that's the thing,

[1:15:26] but in a very low-key way.

[1:15:27] I feel like that

[1:15:28] could suggest

[1:15:29] a certain thing

[1:15:31] to viewers

[1:15:33] where it's like,

[1:15:34] it is like

[1:15:35] creeping dread

[1:15:37] that doesn't stop.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15:38] But it's like constant.

[1:15:39] Yes.

[1:15:39] It's like this constant feeling

[1:15:41] of not being comfortable

[1:15:42] and it,

[1:15:44] like,

[1:15:45] it feels a lot like

[1:15:47] Osgood,

[1:15:49] Osgood,

[1:15:49] Osgood Perkins,

[1:15:50] the director.

[1:15:51] I really loved

[1:15:52] his last movie,

[1:15:53] Black Coat's Daughter

[1:15:53] and it feels like

[1:15:55] a natural progression

[1:15:56] from that,

[1:15:58] which had a similar,

[1:15:59] like,

[1:16:00] overwhelming

[1:16:01] bad vibes feel.

[1:16:03] So,

[1:16:04] thumbs up to Long Legs

[1:16:05] and thumbs up

[1:16:05] to seeing movies

[1:16:06] with my good buddy

[1:16:07] Dan McCoy.

[1:16:07] Always a treat.

Dan McCoy

[1:16:08] If you can do it,

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:09] I guess.

[1:16:09] If you can do it,

[1:16:10] yeah,

[1:16:10] I mean,

[1:16:11] if you,

[1:16:11] honestly,

[1:16:12] if you walk into

[1:16:12] an Alamo draft house

[1:16:13] in the New York area

[1:16:14] on any given day,

[1:16:15] there's a chance

[1:16:16] you're going to see Dan.

[1:16:17] Or a Nighthawk.

[1:16:19] Yeah,

[1:16:19] Dan supports,

[1:16:20] he supports both parties.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:23] He's by theater as in.

[1:16:25] You guys are seeing

[1:16:26] all the movies

[1:16:27] that I want to see.

[1:16:28] I haven't got to see them yet,

[1:16:28] but I'll tell you about

[1:16:29] a creeping terror horror movie

[1:16:31] that I did see

[1:16:32] that is also more about

[1:16:33] kind of atmosphere

[1:16:34] than major thrills.

[1:16:35] It's called The Creepy Terror.

[1:16:37] So,

[1:16:37] this is a movie

[1:16:39] I saw relatively recently,

[1:16:40] but it's not new.

[1:16:41] It's from 1986.

[1:16:42] It is from,

[1:16:43] you guessed it,

[1:16:44] Czechoslovakia.

[1:16:45] And you guessed it.

[1:16:45] Yeah,

[1:16:45] I did guess it.

[1:16:46] It's directed by Vera Chitalova.

[1:16:47] And this movie

[1:16:48] is called Wolf's Hole.

[1:16:49] And this is,

[1:16:50] so Vera Chitalova

[1:16:51] who did Daisies

[1:16:52] and the Fruit of Paradise.

[1:16:55] This is her take

[1:16:56] on a kind of like

[1:16:57] teens

[1:16:57] in an isolated setting

[1:17:00] horror movie.

[1:17:00] It is not heavy

[1:17:02] on like

[1:17:03] gore or shocks,

[1:17:05] but there's some very

[1:17:06] kind of like

[1:17:07] unsettling

[1:17:07] moments and images in it.

[1:17:09] And overall,

[1:17:10] there's just a

[1:17:10] nonstop feeling

[1:17:12] of dread

[1:17:12] and discomfort

[1:17:13] throughout the entire movie.

[1:17:15] If you're going to it

[1:17:15] looking for gore,

[1:17:17] you're not going to get

[1:17:17] a lot of that.

[1:17:18] But these kids

[1:17:19] are going on a ski

[1:17:20] class vacation.

[1:17:22] Like they've been picked

[1:17:23] for a special ski class

[1:17:24] that they're going to.

[1:17:25] It's in the middle of nowhere

[1:17:26] in a place where there is

[1:17:27] not enough food

[1:17:28] and the beds are gross and old.

[1:17:30] And it's run by

[1:17:31] an old man

[1:17:31] and a young man.

[1:17:32] And the old man

[1:17:33] is kind of instantly like,

[1:17:34] hey,

[1:17:35] one of you has to die.

[1:17:36] And it's

[1:17:37] one of those things

[1:17:38] where you're like,

[1:17:39] why did anyone agree

[1:17:40] to go on this ski trip?

[1:17:42] But it's just nonstop.

[1:17:44] That wasn't in the brochure.

Dan McCoy

[1:17:45] that one of them

[1:17:46] had to die.

Stuart Wellington

[1:17:48] Oh yeah,

[1:17:48] I'll go on to TripAdvisor

[1:17:49] and make a note.

[1:17:50] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17:51] Sorry,

[1:17:52] I had to pause for a second.

[1:17:54] No,

[1:17:54] it was not in the brochure

[1:17:55] that someone would die

[1:17:56] on the ski trip.

[1:17:57] But it's just kind of a good,

[1:17:59] like,

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:00] these teens have to figure out

[1:18:01] what's going on.

[1:18:02] they're still arguing over,

[1:18:03] like,

[1:18:03] who's going to cook

[1:18:04] and what are they going to eat?

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:05] Elliot had to pause

[1:18:06] because he had a push notification

[1:18:07] from Popeyes

[1:18:08] that the chicken was hot

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:10] and he should come by.

[1:18:11] I gotta go.

[1:18:13] But I really enjoyed it a lot.

[1:18:15] It is a more abstract

[1:18:16] horror movie in some ways.

[1:18:18] it hits a lot of the points

[1:18:20] that a teen horror movie's

[1:18:21] gotta hit

[1:18:22] just from a kind of

[1:18:22] slightly different angle

[1:18:24] and tone.

[1:18:24] So that's Wolf's Hole.

[1:18:26] Elliot,

[1:18:27] is there a Popeyes app?

[1:18:29] There is a Popeyes app

[1:18:29] and I have it.

[1:18:30] You can order through it.

[1:18:31] You get special deals

[1:18:32] and you also accumulate points

[1:18:34] based on the dollars you spend

[1:18:35] and you get paid stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[1:18:37] What are you,

[1:18:37] like,

[1:18:37] diamond elite?

[1:18:39] Yeah,

[1:18:39] exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:18:40] Yeah,

[1:18:40] they usher you into the lounge.

[1:18:42] The Popeyes lounge.

[1:18:43] Yeah,

[1:18:44] so you start from,

[1:18:45] you start at Popeyes customer,

[1:18:47] then jazz man,

[1:18:48] then jazz funeral pallbearer,

[1:18:51] and then...

[1:18:52] To spinach eating sailor man.

[1:18:54] Yeah,

[1:18:55] and then sailor man

[1:18:56] is finally the final one.

[1:18:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:18:58] You and Hodgman

[1:18:59] are gonna be in the lounge together

[1:19:00] toasting with drumsticks.

[1:19:03] He wishes he was in the Popeyes lounge.

[1:19:04] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[1:19:04] the special Popeyes lounge.

[1:19:05] Yeah,

[1:19:05] he used to be able to get in

[1:19:06] so much easier now.

[1:19:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:08] Hey,

[1:19:09] that's the end of this show

[1:19:11] for another week.

[1:19:13] Always an anticlimactic way

[1:19:15] to end the show

[1:19:16] from yours truly,

[1:19:17] Dan McCoy.

[1:19:18] Yeah,

[1:19:18] we could learn from that.

[1:19:21] Hey,

[1:19:21] like I said,

[1:19:23] why not go to

[1:19:24] flophousepodcast.com,

[1:19:26] sign up for the newsletter.

[1:19:28] It's probably the easiest way

[1:19:31] to find out everything

[1:19:32] that's going on with us

[1:19:34] going forward

[1:19:34] rather than having to rely on

[1:19:36] nasty social media.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19:38] Or like tuning into my

[1:19:39] regular weekly hobby streams

[1:19:41] on Twitch

[1:19:42] where you can just watch me

[1:19:43] paint models

[1:19:44] and occasionally remember

[1:19:45] to talk about the podcast I do.

Dan McCoy

[1:19:47] I mean,

[1:19:48] you know,

[1:19:48] it's a painting podcast.

[1:19:49] It's not a,

[1:19:50] I mean,

[1:19:50] it's a painting show.

[1:19:51] It's not about

[1:19:51] the podcast you're also on.

[1:19:53] True,

[1:19:54] yeah.

[1:19:55] But that is one of the

[1:19:56] sorts of things

[1:19:57] that gets plugged

[1:19:57] in the newsletter.

[1:19:59] Speaking of stuff,

[1:20:01] you know,

[1:20:02] one less unpleasant

[1:20:03] place to be on the internet

[1:20:05] is our Instagram feed,

[1:20:07] which also has

[1:20:08] stuff like

[1:20:09] clips from the show

[1:20:10] that you can see

[1:20:11] our faces on

[1:20:12] if that's a thing

[1:20:12] that you like.

[1:20:15] But anyway,

[1:20:15] other than that,

[1:20:16] I just want to thank

[1:20:17] Maximum Fun,

[1:20:18] our podcast network.

[1:20:20] Go to MaximumFun.org.

[1:20:21] check out other shows

[1:20:23] on the network.

[1:20:23] You also post pictures

[1:20:25] of you doing yoga

Elliott Kalan

[1:20:26] on that.

[1:20:27] I did that one time.

[1:20:29] I did that one time.

[1:20:29] You decided you need to do

[1:20:31] a Dan-style,

[1:20:31] Stuart-style thirst trap.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:33] Yeah.

[1:20:34] I mean,

[1:20:34] I guess it was sort of,

[1:20:35] my yoga teacher.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20:37] And by yoga pose,

[1:20:38] I mean,

[1:20:38] his arms were stretched out

[1:20:39] super fucking far

[1:20:40] and Chun-Li was kicking at him.

Dan McCoy

[1:20:42] My yoga teacher,

[1:20:43] Carla,

[1:20:44] shout out to you,

[1:20:45] Carla,

[1:20:45] you will never listen

[1:20:46] to the show,

[1:20:48] saw me do a side plank,

[1:20:51] was like,

[1:20:51] I got to get a picture of this.

[1:20:53] And then she said,

[1:20:53] put that on the podcast.

[1:20:55] And I was like,

[1:20:55] can't do that,

[1:20:57] but I'll put it on the

[1:20:58] Instagram feed.

[1:21:00] So that's the kind of

[1:21:01] great content

[1:21:02] you can expect over there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:04] I mean,

[1:21:04] we describe movies

[1:21:06] on the podcast.

[1:21:07] It's not like people

[1:21:07] can see them.

Dan McCoy

[1:21:08] So you're saying

[1:21:09] I should describe

[1:21:09] what it looks like

[1:21:10] when I'm doing a side plank?

[1:21:11] Yeah, do it.

[1:21:12] Okay, well,

[1:21:13] the point of contact

[1:21:14] is the side of my foot

[1:21:16] and then the other foot

[1:21:17] is stacked on top of that.

[1:21:18] And then my straight arm

[1:21:20] holds me up.

[1:21:21] So there's sort of

[1:21:22] like a triangle

[1:21:23] between me and the floor

[1:21:24] and the other arm

[1:21:25] goes up.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:26] Are you like cheesing out,

[1:21:27] doing like a peace sign,

[1:21:28] tongue out or anything?

[1:21:30] No cheesing out.

[1:21:31] I don't know what that is,

[1:21:32] but I'm curious.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:34] You're going into

[1:21:34] such great detail about this,

[1:21:35] but when we wanted you

[1:21:36] to describe your stanky leg,

[1:21:37] you just would not

[1:21:38] get into it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:39] Well,

[1:21:39] he doesn't give away

[1:21:40] that shit for free, dude.

[1:21:41] No stanky.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21:44] You're like Sidney Bechet

[1:21:45] covering your fingers

[1:21:46] with a handkerchief

[1:21:47] so no one can see

[1:21:47] how you move the instrument.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21:49] Yeah, when they were

[1:21:50] making the Matrix 4,

[1:21:51] they're like,

[1:21:51] Dan, we want to get you

[1:21:52] in here to do your

[1:21:53] stanky leg on camera.

[1:21:54] You can't own my moves.

[1:21:55] You can't own my moves.

[1:21:57] Once I'm the one

Dan McCoy

[1:21:58] delaying the end

[1:21:59] of the podcast,

[1:22:00] right now we're like

[1:22:01] so close to the finish line,

[1:22:02] but it's like doing

[1:22:03] a live show with Elliot

[1:22:03] where he's like,

[1:22:04] and now let me...

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:06] There's like security

[1:22:07] at the doors,

[1:22:09] like hitting nightsticks

[1:22:10] against their palms.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22:13] I think it would be

[1:22:13] understandable

[1:22:14] that I'm delaying

[1:22:15] the end of the show

[1:22:16] if we're going to walk

[1:22:16] right into security.

[1:22:17] And then the Hells Angels

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:18] show up and escort Elliot out.

Dan McCoy

[1:22:21] Yeah.

[1:22:22] Before we end,

[1:22:23] I do want to thank

[1:22:24] our producer,

[1:22:25] Alex Smith.

[1:22:26] He goes by the name

[1:22:26] Howell Doughty

[1:22:27] all over the internet.

[1:22:29] You can find his

[1:22:30] new rock album

[1:22:32] over at Bandcamp.

[1:22:33] Look it up.

[1:22:35] But that's it

[1:22:36] for the Flophouse.

[1:22:37] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:22:39] I'm...

[1:22:39] Stuart Wellington.

[1:22:40] And I'm Ellie Galen.

[1:22:43] Bye!

[1:22:44] Au revoir!

[1:22:44] I was watching

Stuart Wellington

[1:22:54] most of the movie

[1:22:55] on the treadmill

[1:22:55] and I'm like,

[1:22:59] let me try out

[1:23:00] doing voice dictation

[1:23:01] on the Notes app.

[1:23:03] So I'm like,

[1:23:04] under Paris,

[1:23:05] new line.

[1:23:06] There's a shark,

[1:23:07] new line.

[1:23:08] Uh-oh,

[1:23:08] new line.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:11] Then why is it on...

[1:23:12] Then I transcribe my notes

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:13] on a set of guest checks

[1:23:14] because I want to...

[1:23:15] I feel like it'll

[1:23:16] give off the vibe

[1:23:17] that I'm like a diner waitress.

Dan McCoy

[1:23:19] Yeah, sure.

[1:23:19] Interesting.

[1:23:20] Okay, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:21] Oh, okay, honey.

[1:23:22] Really leaning into

[1:23:22] the visuals of the thing

Dan McCoy

[1:23:24] that mostly isn't.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23:26] There's going to be...

[1:23:27] Like, that's the thing.

[1:23:28] I'm really, you know...

[1:23:30] One of these little

[1:23:31] social media clips

[1:23:32] is really going to hit.

[1:23:33] Bang, Zoom.

[1:23:34] It's the moon.

[1:23:36] Maximum Fun.

[1:23:38] A worker-owned network

Dan McCoy

[1:23:39] of artist-owned shows

[1:23:41] supported

[1:23:41] directly

[1:23:42] by you.

Ep.#429 - Under Paris

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