Ep.#429 - Under Paris

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss...

[0:02] Under Paris!

[0:04] That's what it's called?

[0:06] Yes, that's what it's called.

[0:08] I think that works.

[0:10] I can't even remember. Let me look.

[0:12] Under Paris?

[0:14] It's Under Paris. You don't have to look. I just watched it.

[0:16] Okay.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:44] Oh, hey there, Dan McCoy. It's me, Stuart Wellington, your friend.

[0:46] Oh.

[0:48] And another friend of yours who is also here is me, Elliot Kalin.

[0:50] And later in the show, I'm going to be telling everybody

[0:52] about our upcoming live streaming video.

[0:54] Well, it's not live.

[0:56] Our streaming video premiere event.

[0:58] We've got an all-new stage pilot, edited and shot video

[1:00] of one of our live shows.

[1:02] If you weren't at that show, you've never seen it.

[1:04] And guess what?

[1:06] It's got special guest, Hallie Hagland,

[1:08] the star of the show in that show.

[1:10] If you want to know more about it,

[1:12] you just cannot wait.

[1:14] Go to flophousepodcast.com slash events

[1:16] and look for Three Men and a Hallie.

[1:18] Otherwise, wait till later in the episode,

[1:20] and I'll tell you all about it.

[1:22] Be patient or impatient. It's your choice.

[1:24] You're the boss of your life.

[1:26] You're in control of your own emotions,

[1:28] which is a thing I didn't learn

[1:30] until way too late in life, you know?

[1:32] Uh-huh. Wait, you're in control of your emotions?

[1:34] I know.

[1:36] So why are you like this?

[1:38] Well, I can be.

[1:40] Let's say it's within my power.

[1:42] You're accountable for that.

[1:44] I'm weak like all of humanity.

[1:46] By the way, I'm glad you...

[1:48] You don't have the strength of a newly evolved strain

[1:50] of Super Shark, let's say.

[1:52] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:54] Well, first, I'd like to thank you both

[1:56] for identifying yourself as my friend,

[1:58] so I know why I've welcomed you into my home,

[2:00] Stewart, in person, Elliot, virtually.

[2:02] Secondly, I should explain to you...

[2:04] Do you only watch TV shows starring people

[2:06] that are your friends?

[2:08] Yeah.

[2:10] Unless you're out of the house.

[2:12] Dave Letterman always used to say.

[2:14] Yeah, that's true.

[2:16] What was I saying?

[2:18] Oh, yeah, for new listeners,

[2:20] and I don't recommend it.

[2:22] If you're listening to the show,

[2:24] I don't recommend being a new listener.

[2:26] You really should have been a listener

[2:28] for a long time.

[2:30] Yeah, Dan.

[2:32] Dan, for someone who's as brave

[2:34] as controlling his own emotions,

[2:36] you're asking people to control

[2:38] the flow of time at this point.

[2:40] Yeah, well...

[2:42] No, get their ass, Dan Rosen,

[2:44] for not listening before.

[2:46] There's a little baby who just

[2:48] could not have listened before.

[2:50] He had his ears blown off,

[2:52] and he had to get transplanted ears.

[2:54] He's listening for the first time,

[2:56] and he's like,

[2:58] I'm going to finally check out

[3:00] a cool podcast.

[3:02] Ever since they transplanted

[3:04] the ears of a serial killer

[3:06] onto my head,

[3:08] I've only been able to hear

[3:10] the screams of his victims,

[3:12] but maybe this podcast

[3:14] will help cover that.

[3:16] In that baby's case,

[3:18] there are two different stories to it.

[3:20] Yes, the baby will grow up to be a serial killer,

[3:22] but it's unrelated.

[3:24] The point is, I was trying to set the stage

[3:26] by letting new listeners

[3:28] know that this is a podcast

[3:30] where we watch a bad movie

[3:32] and then we talk about it.

[3:34] Now, when I say bad movie,

[3:36] we don't really know.

[3:38] We haven't seen it before,

[3:40] but that's the word on the street,

[3:42] so we'll let you know what we think.

[3:44] It's a little podcast called

[3:47] The crazy thing is, Dan has this whole thing

[3:49] scripted out and written down.

[3:51] Meticulously.

[3:53] It says in parentheses,

[3:55] as if not sure what he's talking about.

[3:57] I also anticipated all of your interjections.

[3:59] So anyway,

[4:01] for this episode,

[4:03] as we said, we watched

[4:05] Under Paris?

[4:07] Under Paris, yeah.

[4:09] As I pitched it to Netflix,

[4:11] it should be called Swimily in Paris

[4:13] because there's synergy.

[4:16] They're not answering my emails.

[4:18] It's understandable.

[4:20] This is a Netflix movie,

[4:22] so in order for us to watch it,

[4:24] I had to email Netflix,

[4:26] and within three to five business days,

[4:28] they put the DVD in the mail

[4:30] and sent it to me.

[4:32] When it arrived, I put it in my Xbox 360,

[4:34] which played it.

[4:36] This is Netflix in America.

[4:38] Was this in France a theatrical release?

[4:40] I don't know.

[4:42] It was an international hit,

[4:44] a big hit when it first dropped.

[4:46] Everything they have is a big hit.

[4:48] Now, it's washing up on our shores.

[4:50] Like a Mako shark

[4:52] or a new species of shark?

[4:54] Anyway,

[4:56] I'm spoiling the summary.

[4:58] One thing we should mention,

[5:00] it's called Under Paris,

[5:02] and this is, I believe,

[5:04] the first French-language movie

[5:06] that we have ever covered

[5:08] on the podcast, right?

[5:10] We did the Quebecois Celine Dion,

[5:12] but that was,

[5:14] I think that was in French,

[5:16] wasn't it, for some of it at least?

[5:18] Which one was that?

[5:20] It was the one that was not about Celine Dion,

[5:22] but it was about Celine Dion.

[5:24] That was mostly in French.

[5:26] Forget what I said.

[5:28] Erase what I said.

[5:30] I completely forgot adult head

[5:32] on top of baby body.

[5:34] I'd say you blocked it out

[5:36] rather than you forgot it.

[5:38] This is the second episode of Le Chateau du Flop

[5:40] It is.

[5:42] I believe you called it Le Chateau du Flop.

[5:44] This is the second French-language movie

[5:46] that we've done,

[5:48] but the first French-language movie

[5:50] that's all France rather than Canadian French-language.

[5:52] Should I get the scoreboard out again?

[5:54] Yeah, I think you have to.

[5:56] If you're a listener who likes to categorize

[5:58] all the episodes after you download them and save them,

[6:00] you can put this into the Chateau du Flop section.

[6:02] Yeah.

[6:04] Okay, guys.

[6:06] I did the summary on this one.

[6:08] As I said, I did it yelling into my notes app

[6:10] doing dictation

[6:12] because I was on the treadmill.

[6:14] But you know what?

[6:16] I think it caught some of the magic and excitement

[6:18] of this nail-biting adventure.

[6:20] It's a balls-to-the-wall

[6:22] fish fest.

[6:24] It's a real thrill ride.

[6:26] Of course, the movie begins

[6:28] with a quote.

[6:30] The species

[6:32] that survive aren't the strongest

[6:34] nor the most intelligent,

[6:36] but the best to adapt

[6:38] to change.

[6:40] How do you feel about that, Dan?

[6:42] I mean, it's just, you know,

[6:44] it's a Charles Darwin quote.

[6:46] Then it said,

[6:48] adapted from Charles Darwin.

[6:50] They didn't get an exact quote.

[6:52] They were like, hey, he's long-winded.

[6:54] Let's just give the gist of it.

[6:56] You know, the spirit.

[6:58] I was going to say I buy it

[7:00] coming from the source,

[7:02] but it's possible then that they retrofitted it

[7:04] into the movie, which is that sharks

[7:06] are going to conquer the Earth.

[7:08] Do you think they initially were like,

[7:10] do we really want to write out the quote,

[7:12] or do we just want to write

[7:14] strongest and then have

[7:16] a regular barely-firing brain?

[7:18] Like, most intelligent,

[7:20] slightly-firing brain,

[7:22] most able to adapt,

[7:24] and then it's like galaxy brain.

[7:26] I think they could have said strongest

[7:28] and then the words best fitted

[7:30] in the form of a shark could then gobble up

[7:32] those words.

[7:34] Most movies don't typically

[7:36] start with memes, but I don't know

[7:38] why it hasn't happened yet.

[7:40] I'm kind of shocked, actually.

[7:42] So you'd say you're going to make a movie

[7:44] and you're going to start it with

[7:46] Dr. Phil as a green M&M getting married to Shrek

[7:48] just to get that meme energy in there?

[7:50] Is that a meme or just

[7:52] a piece of really good artwork?

[7:54] I guess at this point, the Minions movies

[7:56] are just long memes.

[7:58] I mean, in a lot of ways,

[8:00] movies for the longest time have been

[8:02] a source for meme content.

[8:04] Wouldn't it be interesting

[8:06] if the movie was the meme?

[8:08] I guarantee you, Stuart,

[8:10] someone's been

[8:12] trying to sell movies based on memes

[8:14] I've assumed in the past couple years.

[8:16] Marshall McLuhan over here.

[8:18] The movie is the meme.

[8:20] We've seen the guy looking over his shoulder

[8:22] at the woman in the red dress,

[8:24] ignoring his girlfriend.

[8:26] What's their deal?

[8:28] You're probably wondering how he got to this place.

[8:30] Dan, I just want to correct.

[8:32] Stuart is not Marshall McLuhan.

[8:34] He's Marshall McGluehands.

[8:36] He accidentally got glue on his hands

[8:38] and got them stuck on a copy of

[8:40] The Medium is the Message.

[8:42] So we're pretty deep into this movie already.

[8:44] Let's keep pushing forward.

[8:46] So the movie opens

[8:48] on the garbage patch

[8:50] in the Atlantic Ocean.

[8:52] We have a team of French scientists.

[8:54] Where the kids are from, the garbage patch kids.

[8:56] I knew one of you fuckers

[8:58] was going to make that joke.

[9:00] The only reason Elliot beat me to it

[9:02] was my more natural inclination

[9:04] to not jump in

[9:06] in the middle of the sentence.

[9:08] You were also drinking coffee, I think.

[9:10] There are two impediments.

[9:12] Okay, so this team of divers

[9:14] is led by a scientist named Sophie

[9:16] or Sophia. The rest of the team

[9:18] I don't think get names.

[9:20] But one of them is her husband.

[9:22] So they're like floating around tagging sharks.

[9:24] They're doing some kind of shark tagging.

[9:26] I just want to mention

[9:28] Sophia is played by Berenice Bejo

[9:30] from The Artist. You'd recognize her possibly

[9:32] from the Best Picture winner, The Artist.

[9:34] The movie that everyone remembers.

[9:36] I don't think that that's true.

[9:38] The Artist, you called it?

[9:40] Yeah, it was from 2011.

[9:42] Another French movie won Best Picture.

[9:44] It was literally the best movie that came out

[9:46] from France. It was mostly silent.

[9:48] In black and white.

[9:50] When did it come out and it was silent?

[9:52] You were a grown adult at the time.

[9:54] And it stars Eddie the dog

[9:56] and Frasier.

[9:58] I remember the dog.

[10:00] Um, okay.

[10:01] So these divers, four divers jump in, they're tagging sharks,

[10:03] they're swimming around the garbage batch.

[10:05] They, uh, they find a baby sperm whale that's caught up in all the trash.

[10:10] They get closer to it.

[10:11] And that sperm whales got like trash coming out of its mouth.

[10:14] It is, if it wasn't like kind of ridiculous, how much trash was stuffed

[10:17] into this whale, it would be sad.

[10:19] Yeah.

[10:19] It's also like, you know, it's not, it's a, it's a whale actor, right?

[10:22] It's not like, it's not a, it's not a, no, I think it's probably a fake whale.

[10:26] Yeah.

[10:26] We're stuffed full of garbage for this movie.

[10:28] But like, like many podcasters, the whale is just spewing

[10:31] garbage from its mouth, you know?

[10:33] Yeah.

[10:33] Got us.

[10:34] Um, so, uh, they of course see, uh, they see a whole bunch of sharks.

[10:39] They see an extra big shark that I think is there like the one they're tracking.

[10:43] Yeah.

[10:44] I don't know if at this point they've already nicknamed her, but this shark for

[10:47] the rest of the movie will be named Lilith for reasons to be explained.

[10:52] Uh, they tagged a shark.

[10:53] Frazier's?

[10:54] And no, she's, she's Niles's.

[10:57] To Frazier, which was Eddie, the dog and Fred, was it Freddie with

[11:01] Frazier's wife or now the thing is, is that Elliot is Niles, Dan is

[11:08] Frazier and I'm Frazier's dad.

[11:10] I think that's the clearest, uh, here, right?

[11:14] You're kind of a Ross.

[11:15] I was going to say you were kind of a Roswell.

[11:17] So I'm the only one who didn't get an Emmy for, which sucks.

[11:22] That's the only one that, you know, people would want to hang

[11:26] out with in real life.

[11:27] Thank you.

[11:28] Um, uh, you wouldn't want to hang out with Daphne.

[11:30] All right.

[11:31] I guess Daphne.

[11:32] Yeah, sure.

[11:33] I would be intimidated by the, anyway, let's, let's, we're, there's a lot of

[11:36] Frazier talk for a shark, uh, podcast.

[11:40] Well, I guess I'll throw out the rest of my Frazier notes.

[11:44] So, uh, they tagged the shark, the shark, all the sharks attack.

[11:47] They start chomping on everybody.

[11:48] Uh, Sophia jumps into the water to try and rescue them with a harpoon gun.

[11:52] She, instead of rescuing them, just finds her husband's severed

[11:55] arm floating there with, uh, his wedding ring, very, uh, center frame.

[11:59] And then, uh, she sees Lilith the shark.

[12:02] It, uh, I think she, does she like attack it or something?

[12:05] And then she spears it, which then like gets her hooked to the shark caught in

[12:11] the, in the rope or the net or whatever, and it drags her deep underwater to the

[12:16] point that the pressure starts to like make her ears bleed and her mouth bleeds.

[12:20] And she cuts herself free after this happens.

[12:22] I would like to talk about this because she gets dragged deep, deep enough under.

[12:31] First off, she, you know, she is, she jumps in, uh, you know, to try and

[12:36] rescue any survivors and she does it with such speed that she doesn't

[12:40] have any scuba gear on, so she's just free diving.

[12:42] Did you just say scuba gear?

[12:44] Yeah.

[12:44] I, she doesn't have any scuba gear on.

[12:49] Dog ears.

[12:50] She doesn't have a dog collar.

[12:51] Yeah.

[12:51] She doesn't, she's wearing Scooby-Doo themed Crocs or anything.

[12:56] No, she doesn't have any scuba gear on.

[12:58] She's free diving.

[13:00] And, uh, she's underwater a long time holding her breath before the shark then

[13:06] pulls her far enough underwater that her eardrum bursts.

[13:10] Now is that from the pressure of the water or is it from the speed that

[13:13] she's being pulled through the water?

[13:14] I took that to mean that she was down so far that the pressure was not right for

[13:20] her and then she went up so fast without any, without getting the bend.

[13:25] Yeah.

[13:26] Uh, and, uh, am I imagining things or when that happened, did it do like a

[13:29] little x-ray of her eardrum exploding?

[13:32] Like it's like an x-ray attack from Mortal Kombat.

[13:34] I don't think it was an x-ray.

[13:35] It was like sort of an insert closeup where you saw like this with

[13:38] the blood puff out of her ear.

[13:41] I will say, uh, when she does, she cuts herself free, she rises to the surface

[13:45] and then it's like a slow-mo shot of her breaching the water surrounded by

[13:49] garbage with like blood everywhere.

[13:51] And I'm like, this is pretty dope.

[13:55] Then we get a title card.

[13:57] Yeah.

[13:57] There's a couple moments in the movie, this movie where I'm like movie,

[13:59] you should have done more of this.

[14:00] More of this please.

[14:01] Yum, yum, yum.

[14:02] Uh, okay.

[14:03] Three years later.

[14:04] Um, yeah.

[14:06] Title card three years later, we're in Paris.

[14:08] How do we know that?

[14:09] Because we see the Seine and the Eiffel tower or tour

[14:12] d'Eiffel in the background.

[14:14] Wow.

[14:14] This, this guy knows his Paris.

[14:16] Well, he's proving it.

[14:19] French Stewart is here.

[14:20] Now Paris, Paris is a buzz.

[14:21] They are.

[14:22] And when I say French Stewart, I don't mean the person French Stewart.

[14:25] I just mean Stewart who is French.

[14:27] Yeah.

[14:29] Not third rock from the sun star.

[14:30] French Stewart.

[14:31] Yeah.

[14:32] Oh man.

[14:33] Uh, and not Stewart's French's, which is his mustard that he carries around

[14:37] with this bitch is always talking about mustard, right?

[14:40] He loves mustard.

[14:41] That's a drawback to, um, okay.

[14:43] So, uh, and France is, uh, all of, all of Paris is a buzz.

[14:46] They are preparing for an upcoming triathlon, which in some ways is

[14:50] marrying the, uh, mirroring the upcoming Olympics.

[14:53] What do you guys think?

[14:54] What do you, do you think it's a reference to the upcoming Olympics?

[14:57] I guess.

[14:58] I mean, I didn't like, I, I was not aware that like, this was such a big thing

[15:03] that I don't know, like the whole city, like is closing down for a major

[15:06] triathlon that they swim in the Seine.

[15:10] New York marathon's a big deal.

[15:11] Yeah, it is.

[15:12] I'm I have two theories about this.

[15:13] One.

[15:14] It is that they wanted to do it about the Olympics and the Olympic

[15:17] committee said, you cannot use our logo in your shark movie.

[15:21] And so they made a triathlon or they're just Dan triathlons can be really big,

[15:26] especially in the city like Paris that needs attention.

[15:28] People don't go there.

[15:29] People haven't heard of it.

[15:30] It's an unknown city.

[15:31] I am not saying that it can't be big.

[15:33] I'm saying that it is apparently big to the point that the mayor of Paris later

[15:38] talks about how they have like filtered the water of the Seine so that people

[15:42] can swim in.

[15:43] And it mainly feels weird because the amount of people swimming and

[15:47] participating doesn't seem particularly large, but man, I think they are going

[15:51] in waves.

[15:51] Well, and when we get to the amount of spectators who are there is tiny, it

[15:55] seems like there's nobody watching this major event.

[15:58] All their, all their digital effects budget went to sharks.

[16:01] I mean, as it should, if they were like, well, we can only afford one shark

[16:04] because we made this huge crowd of attendees.

[16:08] Yeah, that's a priorities problem.

[16:10] Um, okay.

[16:11] So, uh, we have some river cops, those river cops find led by a deal who is the

[16:16] like hero river cop.

[16:18] He's like this handsome dude.

[16:19] Um, they find, uh, thanks to some, uh, kids who are fishing for scrap.

[16:23] They find a bunch of unexploded ordinance in the, in the river.

[16:27] Uh, don't worry.

[16:28] That'll matter later.

[16:29] What's an ordinance?

[16:30] Stuart's ordinances like ammunition, weaponry, explosives, that sort of thing.

[16:36] I saw the film, so I understand what you're talking about, but it seemed like

[16:40] in a more unfamiliar word to me that you are being, you're like the audience

[16:44] surrogate in this case, asking for me to explain the, uh, the details of my

[16:48] choice of words.

[16:49] Um, okay.

[16:50] So it's not a Warhammer aficionados.

[16:53] So you're right.

[16:54] That is the only, the only place you'd ever hear the term ordinance would be a

[16:58] Warhammer game.

[17:00] You know, I'm, I'm, I'm just generally like for a middle-aged man.

[17:04] I do not know shit about warship.

[17:08] It's because you don't have kids.

[17:09] If you had kids, you would be like the biggest world war two nerd.

[17:13] If you, if you were a dad, you'd be all about military history.

[17:15] It's all you'd want to talk about.

[17:17] I feel like Hemingway is, is Dan's entrance to like, I feel like if we want

[17:21] to get down to the warship, you got to get them into Hemingway.

[17:23] Do not like Hemingway particularly.

[17:26] I find like, I like what the Hemingway, what about Mariel Hemingway or Margo

[17:31] Hemingway?

[17:31] Could that get you into war stuff?

[17:33] I, I was reading, uh, Ursula K.

[17:36] Le Guin's book about, uh, writing, uh, steering the craft.

[17:39] I was really taken with like, she had a line in there.

[17:42] I, I, I can't quote it because I can't remember the exact details, but she was

[17:45] talking about how, like, um, uh, there's this idea that this sort of like terse

[17:51] unaffected prose is like more real or something.

[17:55] And she's like, what, uh, what bigger affectation can there be to strip it down

[17:59] to like the most, uh, you know, simple sentences.

[18:03] Guys, Ursula K.

[18:04] Le Guin.

[18:05] She's so fucking cool.

[18:07] Yeah, she really is.

[18:09] I was reading a lot of her by this summer, by coincidence.

[18:11] I will say this one thing.

[18:12] They, they have this big triathlon.

[18:14] It did all of Paris is about it.

[18:16] Not yet.

[18:16] So that's going to happen later, but they're, so they're planning it to the

[18:19] point that when they know there's a shark there, they're like, we can't tell

[18:21] anybody about it.

[18:22] It never seems to occur to anybody that it's a major problem for triathlon that

[18:25] the river is full of unexploded munitions.

[18:29] They just garbage.

[18:30] I mean, it's garbage too.

[18:31] Yeah.

[18:31] Like, uh, from my understanding, it's a famously not, you don't want to swim in

[18:36] that river type river, like a Gowanus canal type situation or like the East

[18:40] river.

[18:40] Yeah.

[18:41] Where you're like, this looks pretty from the right angle or the right distance,

[18:44] but it's not, you don't want to be inside of it.

[18:46] Yeah.

[18:47] Now I'm sure it's not like the San in this novel that I've been reading between

[18:52] two fires, which is this awesome, like, uh, black plagues that like dark

[18:56] medieval fantasy, you should check it out.

[18:58] If you like that shit, it's like the most dark souls, he's garbage.

[19:01] But like, yeah, the San is filled with like chopped up bodies and demons and

[19:04] crap.

[19:04] You don't want to go there at all.

[19:05] So that's not this, this is

[19:06] I think the real modern San as portrayed in the movie under Paris is not full of

[19:10] chopped up bodies and demons.

[19:11] Yeah.

[19:12] Until those sharks get in.

[19:13] Then maybe there's

[19:13] sharks are kind of like demons, right?

[19:15] Yeah.

[19:15] Sharks are one of the rare animals that when like in, in a movie, I don't feel as

[19:20] bad when they get like exploded and stuff, like all other animals for some, I

[19:25] don't know why is it because they're not ma'am.

[19:28] Like, I think there's like even like drag, even the dragons in line.

[19:31] And you to just think of them as like a monster, unstoppable killing machine.

[19:37] Even a show about sharks, they're always like, it's the perfect eating machine,

[19:40] but there's something about shark eyes.

[19:41] They're, they're like, they're black, like nobody's ever mentioned their eyes

[19:46] before, but also they have, they have an expression on their face that does seem

[19:49] particularly devoid of emotion or thought or feeling, but you know what?

[19:53] They're living things too.

[19:54] They're all God's creatures.

[19:55] And I'm sure when you're right that day, and he went, this is bad-ass.

[19:59] I'm going to make the.

[20:00] kind of stick out all in different directions.

[20:02] Elliot, this raises a good point.

[20:04] You, of course, are a shark expert, I assume,

[20:07] from all the research you did for Sharko and Hippo.

[20:09] Yes, exactly, yeah.

[20:10] How accurate was this film to sharks?

[20:14] I think if you take the word accurate,

[20:16] and I think if you want to put an in in the front,

[20:19] just to say that it is in a state of total accuracy.

[20:22] Yeah, that's interesting, okay.

[20:23] But I think most times,

[20:25] nothing in my research about sharks

[20:26] came up with the idea that they could,

[20:28] within one generation, develop parthenogenesis

[20:31] and also a sort of communal beehive structure.

[20:34] Now it rules.

[20:34] That had something to do with the garbage, I think.

[20:36] I think that was what the movie was trying to imply.

[20:38] This movie is so close to saying,

[20:40] radioactive stuff turn these sharks into mutant sharks,

[20:43] and it never quite clears that hurdle, you know.

[20:46] So it's been three years later.

[20:47] Let's check in with Sophia.

[20:48] Now she is a guide at an aquarium.

[20:51] Some school kids Google her

[20:54] while she's taking them on a tour,

[20:55] and they bring up the fact that all her friends died.

[20:56] The most unbelievable thing in the movie

[20:57] is that these kids would be interested enough

[20:59] in her backstory to Google her while she's giving them a tour.

[21:02] And like, what do they, do they like reverse image search her?

[21:05] Like, are they fucking Niamh and Cammie from Catfish?

[21:08] How'd they figure this one out?

[21:10] Okay, so after her shift, she runs into Mika,

[21:14] I believe her name is, who is a climate activist

[21:17] and is a member of a thing called SOS,

[21:20] which stands for Save Our Seas,

[21:22] and they are this group of climate activists

[21:25] and this group of eco-activists

[21:28] who operate out of like a rundown,

[21:31] build like an empty museum or something.

[21:34] It's a really cool base.

[21:35] And they have like hackers, they have like laptops,

[21:39] and at one point she's using a mouse

[21:41] that has like shark attack or something,

[21:45] or like shark saver or something.

[21:46] It's one of these groups of people that are so cool

[21:48] that they refuse to work with overhead lights turned on.

[21:50] And so it's just a lot of monitor screens

[21:52] and lamps all over the place.

[21:54] In this huge French apartment,

[21:56] old French apartments look like museum rooms.

[21:58] I love this, because this is classic movie bullshit

[22:01] that this eco, Save Our Seas group

[22:06] would have like this sort of techno,

[22:10] but also broken down place that they hung out.

[22:13] And Audrey was pointing out while we're watching it,

[22:15] like, I mean, this is true of like a lot of movies,

[22:17] but she's like, this is like, this is like Moonfall

[22:20] where the disgraced person with the tragic backstory

[22:24] has to team up with the person with like some kooky ideas,

[22:28] but then it diverges from the Moonfall.

[22:31] To not what we, well, there's no moon that falls.

[22:33] That's one big difference.

[22:34] Yeah, that's one of the big, yeah.

[22:35] Well, I mean, it might happen.

[22:37] No spoilers.

[22:38] So they revealed that they've been tracking,

[22:41] they have hacked into the like shark tracking software.

[22:44] They seem to be able to hack into anything.

[22:45] I was waiting for the moment where they're like,

[22:46] we've hacked into the shark, we can control it now.

[22:50] I mean, honestly, that would have saved them

[22:51] a lot of trouble.

[22:52] It would have, that's true.

[22:54] So they'd hacked into the shark tracking information

[22:56] and they also revealed that they have the ability

[22:58] to turn off the trackers if they want to protect

[23:01] one of these sharks, which seems like a bad idea

[23:05] when we're dealing with killer sharks,

[23:06] but don't worry about it.

[23:07] So they have tracked Lilith from wherever she was

[23:10] all the way to the Sen River.

[23:13] Uh-oh, she's in, wait a minute.

[23:15] She's like a normal big ass shark.

[23:17] She's not like a bull shark that like swims up

[23:19] the Ganges and stuff.

[23:20] This is a regular, regular ass shark.

[23:22] It shouldn't be able to survive in the Sen.

[23:25] I guess it must have adapted thanks to pollution.

[23:28] Thanks, remember?

[23:29] Pollution.

[23:30] What Darwin said.

[23:30] Well, again, this is, so it's the exact opposite.

[23:33] It's the opposite of what Darwin said, which is,

[23:35] so Lamarck, who came before Darwin, would have said,

[23:39] oh yeah, animals can develop new adaptations

[23:42] while they're alive to, like the giraffe stretched

[23:44] its neck out until its neck grew to be long.

[23:47] Whereas Darwin was saying-

[23:48] Is that real?

[23:49] Is that how they did it?

[23:49] It is not.

[23:50] It's sheer force of will?

[23:51] Yeah, it's like a street fire.

[23:54] No, no, no, what I'm telling you is,

[23:55] yeah, it's like Dalton.

[23:56] I mean, Dalton has powerful yoga magic, Dan.

[23:59] Whereas Darwin would-

[24:00] Am I gonna get that?

[24:01] Darwin would have said, Darwin would have said

[24:02] the random hand of natural selection allows

[24:06] for genetic mutations that are more,

[24:09] that are better suited for an environment

[24:11] and allow a greater chance to mate and reproduce

[24:13] and spread those genes that is random genetic mutation

[24:17] that is then, takes the opportunity available

[24:20] in the environment, but there's no conscious thing to it.

[24:22] It doesn't happen within one organism.

[24:24] It is through generations of time.

[24:27] And so the idea that they're like, yeah, as Darwin said,

[24:30] sharks can kind of grow the ability to drink fresh water.

[24:34] Like it's just, it doesn't, it's all made up.

[24:37] Well, breathe, right?

[24:38] They're breathing it.

[24:38] Yeah, breathe.

[24:39] So-

[24:40] You sharks are drinking all that water.

[24:42] So Sophia's like, Sophia doesn't wanna get involved

[24:45] in this mess.

[24:46] She goes back to her sad apartment

[24:47] and just watches videos of her old friends

[24:49] getting eaten by sharks.

[24:51] Mika and-

[24:52] To the moment, like, she's like, you know,

[24:53] at the beginning, it's like all fun and games

[24:55] and like, she's reminiscing.

[24:57] And then the shark attack happens and she like cries.

[24:59] And it's like, what were you thinking was gonna happen?

[25:01] It's the classic, it's the classic guy who's,

[25:05] cop who lost his wife watching the wedding video

[25:08] at night to be sad, but it's like enjoying better times.

[25:11] But yeah, it is, she does forget that in this

[25:13] shark footage mega mix she put together,

[25:15] it ends with the attack that killed her husband.

[25:18] Classic Ralph Fiennes in strange days,

[25:20] like remembering hanging out with Juliette Lewis

[25:23] all the time.

[25:24] I get it.

[25:25] Yeah, exactly.

[25:26] Rollerblading around.

[25:27] Oh man, I get it.

[25:28] I don't know why.

[25:29] What I think about, what I think about Ralph Fiennes

[25:31] is that man looks like he rollerblades a lot.

[25:33] Yeah, oh man.

[25:35] Oh, strange age rules.

[25:37] Okay, so Mika and her friend go out into the river.

[25:43] She goes diving into a very dirty river.

[25:45] She finds a car that has bite marks by the door handle.

[25:51] Shark bites, it's really great.

[25:52] And then they get caught by the cops.

[25:54] Mika gets arrested.

[25:55] All this is witnessed by Sophie,

[25:58] who's been tracking them on a laptop or iPad.

[26:02] Around now, like a homeless camp gets eaten

[26:05] by a shark, presumably.

[26:07] It's just one person, right?

[26:08] Gets eaten by a shark?

[26:09] Yeah, but there was like a couple of guys

[26:11] hanging around there.

[26:12] And then when Sophie shows up,

[26:14] there's just the guy's dog and nobody else

[26:16] and all their stuff's still there.

[26:17] Oh, that's right.

[26:19] Sharks.

[26:20] No, the shark didn't steal the stuff.

[26:22] Cops, obviously.

[26:22] The shark is like a neutron bomb, Dan.

[26:24] It's not interested in possessions or objects.

[26:26] It just wants to kill people, yeah.

[26:29] And it does.

[26:29] It kills a lot of people.

[26:31] I mean, they actually kill very few people per year

[26:33] compared to other animals.

[26:35] Oh, okay, I thought we were talking about this movie.

[26:36] Yeah, this movie.

[26:37] I mean, in the movie, they kill a lot of people, yeah.

[26:38] Yeah, I'd be like,

[26:39] if you thought that was a few people,

[26:40] I'd be very scared.

[26:42] I'd be like,

[26:43] Elliot says he's never killed anyone.

[26:45] Elliot should be a world leader

[26:46] with that level of disregard for human life.

[26:48] All I'm saying is you kill one person,

[26:50] you're a monster.

[26:51] You kill 10, you're a shark.

[26:51] You kill a million, you're a god.

[26:52] So come on, guys.

[26:53] Yeah, yeah, that's cool.

[26:55] Okay, so.

[26:56] I saw it on Reddit on a T-shirt.

[26:58] Yeah, I think Homelander said it on the boys.

[27:01] Okay, so the cops find a,

[27:04] they obviously don't believe stories

[27:05] of a giant shark in the sand,

[27:09] but then they find a partially eaten body

[27:12] of one of those homeless guys

[27:14] that they were friends with.

[27:15] So of course they're fucked up about it.

[27:17] And Sophia shows up and she's like,

[27:19] yeah, that's a shark.

[27:20] The shark ate him.

[27:21] And they're like, okay,

[27:22] so we're gonna go dive in after the shark.

[27:23] And she's like, that's a bad idea

[27:25] because it just ate those guys.

[27:27] So of course they go dive in.

[27:28] It has a taste for human blood.

[27:30] It wants it now, yeah.

[27:31] And they're like, whoa,

[27:32] the river's not deep enough to support the shark.

[27:35] Where's the shark hiding?

[27:35] Well, of course there's,

[27:36] they find an entrance,

[27:37] a submerged entrance to the Parisian catacombs.

[27:41] It is normally the haunted ghouls and stuff.

[27:45] They're like, where could this shark be hiding

[27:46] in a city that is famously full of underground tunnels?

[27:49] Where could it be going to?

[27:51] I like the idea of a store now called Ghouls and Stuff.

[27:55] Man, I would love that.

[27:57] Yeah, I really wish there was a sequence

[27:59] where the sharks start fighting them

[28:01] and then they are,

[28:02] the sharks start fighting a bunch of ghouls

[28:07] draped in rotting finery of nobility.

[28:10] I mean, at the very least,

[28:13] if the people are fighting the sharks in the catacombs,

[28:15] they have to wrench bones out of the walls

[28:17] and hit the sharks with them, things like that.

[28:19] I don't think we see anything like that, do we?

[28:21] Have you ever, yeah, have you ever seen,

[28:23] we don't see that.

[28:24] Have you ever read that book?

[28:25] What is it?

[28:26] It's a collection of short stories,

[28:27] like Throne of Bones.

[28:27] Winesburg, Ohio by Sherwood Anderson?

[28:29] Nope, this is about, this is all about ghouls.

[28:32] It's all awesome short stories about ghouls.

[28:34] I can't remember who wrote it, but it's really dope.

[28:37] Winesburg, Ghoul, Ohio by Sherwood Screamderson?

[28:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[28:44] Okay, so they, where are we at, where are we at?

[28:50] Oh, here we are.

[28:50] Sorry, let me go through my notes here.

[28:53] Yeah, Stuart, for those who are not watching

[28:57] a clip of this with video.

[29:00] For those who haven't set up a CCTV camera

[29:02] in Dan's apartment to secretly watch our recordings.

[29:05] Stuart's notes are on a guest check pad,

[29:10] like, you know, as a bartender,

[29:12] as a member of the service profession,

[29:14] he has, of course, access to these guests.

[29:17] I mean, anyone does, you could buy them.

[29:18] Yeah, you can just go up.

[29:19] But this, he grabbed it as a notepad and-

[29:22] Go to Staples, go get it.

[29:23] It doesn't lay flat, so he keeps flipping back

[29:27] to previous pages of his notes.

[29:29] So they find the entrance to the catacombs,

[29:31] devoid of ghouls, unfortunately.

[29:33] They do see, like, the shadow of giant Lilith the shark.

[29:39] Right around now, SOS use their hacker abilities

[29:42] and they cut the tracker.

[29:43] So this shark is now Untracked.

[29:46] That's the name of the movie, should've been Untracked.

[29:47] Yeah, and around here-

[29:48] I don't think so.

[29:49] I mean, Under Paris is not a great name,

[29:51] but Untracked is even less specific

[29:53] to what's going on in the movie.

[29:55] This is around the point where you start suspecting that-

[30:00] these eco-terrorists are not supposed to be entirely likable.

[30:09] We're not supposed to sympathize with their desire to save this shark.

[30:16] Which we already, we're watching a killer shark movie.

[30:18] We already know that this is a foolish desire.

[30:21] In real life, certainly, get the shark out to open water.

[30:24] It's probably not going to attack anyone in a killer shark movie.

[30:27] We know that these are not going to be our heroes, per se.

[30:31] And this movie has an interestingly confused relationship to...

[30:35] I feel like every movie like this that has like eco-activists,

[30:39] they're always like, the eco-activists are so dumb

[30:43] that they assume all animals are their best friends and nice

[30:47] and will not chomp them in half.

[30:49] Yeah.

[30:49] And then the movie always proves that.

[30:51] It's a team of Timothy Treadwells.

[30:53] I mean, it's, yes, it's very similar to,

[30:56] I mean, it's very similar to a certain strain of cop movie

[31:00] where a cop wants to be a nice cop

[31:02] and then his family gets killed or something like that.

[31:05] Like, it is, that's, that's...

[31:07] Yeah, the movie.

[31:08] Yeah, yeah.

[31:08] His family gets killed and then he's immediately like,

[31:10] Siri, queue up like Nutshell by Alice in Chains.

[31:15] Exactly.

[31:16] And Sophia is that, has that arc where she starts out being like,

[31:19] the garbage patch is terrible.

[31:20] We got to save the ocean.

[31:21] Sharks are great.

[31:22] And by the end, she's like, we got to kill this shark.

[31:24] Like, you know, it's like movies often stack the deck in favor

[31:28] of very questionable moral stances in real life.

[31:32] And, but this film is weird though, too,

[31:34] because I don't think it necessarily doesn't,

[31:38] there's so many negatives in that.

[31:39] I'm sorry for phrasing it that way.

[31:41] I think the movie may genuinely believe in an ecological message

[31:48] to some degree.

[31:49] Like, I don't think it's like, yeah, this garbage patch is great,

[31:52] but it then also spends the second half of the movie undercutting

[31:56] any of that in favor of shark thrills.

[31:58] So it's a very confusing...

[31:59] It is a mix.

[32:00] And I mean, we'll get to...

[32:01] I think that the message and much,

[32:03] Stuart, as Marshall McGlue hands,

[32:05] can probably talk to this side of the weekend,

[32:07] but it is a mix of what the intent of the filmmakers possibly is

[32:12] and what the demands of the structure of this kind of storytelling demand.

[32:17] And it's a, they don't mix.

[32:20] They don't mix well.

[32:20] It's not a chocolate peanut butter situation where you think it's not going to mix

[32:24] and you're about to sue the guy that you bumped into while you were eating one

[32:27] and they were eating the other.

[32:27] But the mix is great.

[32:29] In the hands of like a talented filmmaker,

[32:32] you can fit an ecological message into a big blockbuster like Fern Gully.

[32:41] Okay, so the SOS team, Save Our Seas activists,

[32:46] they release a video that immediately goes viral.

[32:48] Everybody on the planet is watching it.

[32:50] From your lowliest grandma to your tallest grandma.

[32:53] They hacked the planet.

[32:54] This is the second most unbelievable thing in the movie about evolving sharks.

[32:58] It's just a video of a woman talking and everyone is watching it all the time.

[33:02] As if she's...

[33:03] I mean, I guess what they're going for is like a Greta Thunberg type thing.

[33:06] Greta Thunberg pulled off this incredible stunt, you know.

[33:09] Yeah, she should have been...

[33:10] If it was like a real viral video,

[33:12] she should have been doing kind of a wand dance,

[33:14] like kind of a half-hearted like dance with a lot of hand like swirls.

[33:18] In between each fact about the sea, she just takes a bite of cinnamon, you know.

[33:22] If she really wanted people to pay attention,

[33:25] she would have recorded this video from the cab of her truck

[33:28] wearing wraparound shades and a baseball hat on backwards.

[33:32] Yes.

[33:34] Okay, so she makes this video basically saying,

[33:39] we got to save this shark, folks.

[33:41] And we're like, ugh, the killer shark?

[33:43] But that's fine.

[33:44] So they end up throwing a big shark-saving party in the Parisian catacombs.

[33:49] They find this specific chamber that is like a big pool in the center

[33:54] and a very skinny ledge all along the sides.

[33:58] That's not going to be good.

[34:00] So they go in there.

[34:01] The cops track them down and follow them with the help of a hacker.

[34:04] And they show up just in time for Mika, the leader of the activists,

[34:09] to be swimming in the water.

[34:11] There's a baby shark, and you're like, oh, a baby.

[34:13] Is there a song that perhaps could be sung about that baby shark?

[34:17] Are you telling Alex to cue it up?

[34:20] I don't think we have the rights.

[34:22] I mean, maybe six seconds of it.

[34:24] And right around now, Lilith, the big mama shark,

[34:28] comes bursting out of the water with Mika in her mouth,

[34:32] and then the baby shark rips Mika in half.

[34:35] This was the first moment where I'm like, okay, things are getting good.

[34:38] Everybody starts freaking out.

[34:40] Everybody starts falling into the pool and getting chomped.

[34:42] A couple of cops get chomped.

[34:44] Everybody gets chomped.

[34:45] I think there's like a total of 12 people get killed.

[34:47] Everybody get chomped tonight.

[34:49] Everybody is slipping off the ledge because it's so skinny.

[34:52] And then Sophia came along for the ride because she's the shark expert.

[34:58] There's a lot of the movie where it's her coming along for the ride

[35:02] and not doing so much other than kind of looking on wisely and sadly.

[35:06] Trauma.

[35:07] She's our traumatized heroine.

[35:10] She has to regain her, I don't know, shark spirit,

[35:14] where she can take on these sharks.

[35:17] And honestly, guys, I think she's just a good hang.

[35:19] People just like having her around.

[35:21] They like having her around, yeah.

[35:22] I mean, there's been certain cast members, I think,

[35:25] who have been kept along just for being a good hang.

[35:27] Wow.

[35:28] I didn't mean names.

[35:29] No, I just feel like you took the wheel of the car and drove us down.

[35:34] You like yanked it down into the forest.

[35:36] Okay.

[35:39] So they return, you know,

[35:42] after spending some time recuperating after this horrible tragedy,

[35:47] a horrible tragedy that, of course,

[35:49] the mayor of Paris does not give a shit.

[35:51] This is like, yeah, you're like, you know, you know,

[35:54] which mayor I think was too soft on anti-shark stuff.

[35:58] The mayor from Jaws.

[36:00] We need a super anti-shark stuff.

[36:02] Anti-shark stuff.

[36:04] There are a couple of elements in here that are, you know,

[36:07] like clearly they don't think that they're fooling anyone by taking them.

[36:13] Like there's not a ripoff.

[36:14] It's an homage.

[36:15] I don't know if Jaws was ever released in France.

[36:17] Maybe they don't know.

[36:18] La Jaws?

[36:19] Yeah.

[36:20] Like in La Jaws, they have a mayor who is blind to the dangers,

[36:29] and they also have a scene later on where there are like bullies.

[36:33] They have a sin later on.

[36:35] And then they have bullies on top of that sin that are attached to sharks

[36:39] to indicate where the shark is so we can see visually on the surface.

[36:43] So they find a dead baby shark.

[36:46] So, of course, we got to have a shark.

[36:48] Is there a song about that?

[36:49] Yeah, it's by Cannibal Corpse.

[36:51] Dead baby shark.

[36:53] So we get a shark autopsy scene.

[36:56] It's great.

[36:57] And, of course, they cut open the shark,

[36:59] and it's filled with a bunch of tiny baby sharks.

[37:02] But wait, this shark is so young.

[37:04] Is there a song about that?

[37:05] Anything we can say?

[37:06] Yeah, Dan, can you hum a couple of bars of a bunch of dead baby sharks?

[37:10] Oh, God.

[37:11] The babies weren't dead.

[37:13] I mean, they're not going to last very long.

[37:15] They're not going to live anymore.

[37:16] But they're still wriggling.

[37:17] So, yeah.

[37:19] But the thing is that this shark –

[37:21] That's what I say every year on my birthday.

[37:22] I'm still wriggling.

[37:23] Yeah, that's going to be on my tombstone.

[37:25] Yeah, that's Dan's motto.

[37:26] Along with pepperoni and cheese.

[37:28] So they realized that this shark should not have been able to be pregnant because it is much too young.

[37:38] And also they realized that at this point, these sharks must be reproducing through parthenogenesis.

[37:44] They don't need a male to create more sharks.

[37:47] They are just shark creation stations.

[37:49] Look, a shark needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

[37:52] Let's be honest, folks.

[37:53] Yeah, no, you're right.

[37:55] Yeah, that tracks.

[37:56] I had to think about it a little bit.

[37:59] Yeah, it's like an old duo.

[38:03] Okay.

[38:04] So obviously all this information where they're like, look, there could be zillions of sharks down there.

[38:10] And the mayor is like, I don't give a shit.

[38:12] I'm the mayor of Paris.

[38:14] Get the fuck out of here.

[38:16] Okay.

[38:17] So the cops are like – the river cops are like, we're going to have to do this our way.

[38:21] So they all agree to do a covert mission where they are going to swim into the catacombs underneath Paris and blow them up, killing the sharks.

[38:29] And I can only assume destabilizing the entire city.

[38:35] When they get there, they're setting up for the triathlon.

[38:37] They're also like, we have to do this fast because the triathlon starts in 20 minutes.

[38:42] So they're setting up for the triathlon.

[38:44] There's a huge military presence.

[38:46] So there's like snipers all over the place.

[38:49] They decide to swim.

[38:52] Sophie and the cops go swimming under the – into the catacombs.

[38:56] They go into a giant chamber.

[38:58] They are surrounded by a massive swarm of sharks.

[39:02] They set the charges.

[39:04] There's some scares.

[39:07] One guy like pulls out the detonator and then sharks eat him and then another guy grabs it and triggers it and then all the sharks eat him.

[39:14] I want to call out a really good shot in this movie where she lights the flare and all of a sudden you see just a tremendous number of sharks.

[39:23] Yeah, that was a good moment.

[39:25] That was a very good moment.

[39:26] Yeah.

[39:27] Yeah, it's great.

[39:28] But they're – and Sophie is like, wait, we can't blow it up yet.

[39:31] Lilith isn't here.

[39:33] But they have to blow it up anyway because the sharks start eating him.

[39:36] So they – Adil and Lilith manage to escape at the last second.

[39:41] They blew up the catacombs.

[39:43] Yep, and they sealed the catacombs.

[39:46] They get back up into the – yeah, so she carries Adil who's injured back to the police boat.

[39:53] This is Sophia who's carrying Adil.

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:55] Okay.

[39:56] Sophia goes swimming.

[39:57] So you mentioned Lilith earlier and I was like, wait, is Adil and Lilith?

[40:00] working together the whole time.

[40:01] That's the twist.

[40:02] That would actually make a lot of sense

[40:04] when you see the end of the movie.

[40:05] Yeah.

[40:06] It's in the post-credits scene.

[40:08] They've been emailing through the tracker.

[40:10] When we see Adele and Lilith share a kiss

[40:14] as they reveal.

[40:16] Or Adele.

[40:17] Or Adele.

[40:19] She was rolling in the deep, yeah.

[40:20] Oh my God, it all fits.

[40:22] So.

[40:23] All the clues are there, Mr. Policeman.

[40:24] Sophia deposits a wounded Adele back in the police boat

[40:28] and then she dives back in

[40:29] because this ain't over.

[40:30] She's not gonna believe Lilith is dead

[40:33] until she sees that giant dead shark.

[40:35] She goes back.

[40:36] Of course, at this point, Lilith bursts out of the rubble

[40:39] and goes swimming around.

[40:40] She knocks over the police boat,

[40:42] eats two of the police officers that are not Adele.

[40:45] And then it goes after the triathlon.

[40:48] At this point, it started.

[40:49] So there's like a full buffet in the water for this shark.

[40:53] So we get the scene that is basically promised,

[40:56] which is there's a bunch of swimmers.

[40:58] They start getting chomped on by sharks.

[41:01] At first, we think it's just Lilith,

[41:02] but later on, we realize there's a ton of sharks.

[41:04] Sharks are all over the place.

[41:05] So Lilith starts chomping on people.

[41:09] It starts dragging people down.

[41:10] People start realizing there's a shark,

[41:11] so they're freaking out.

[41:12] Legs are getting bit off left and right.

[41:16] Then the, while this is happening,

[41:19] people are still in the water.

[41:20] The military boats start circling.

[41:23] Just firing machine goes into the water.

[41:25] Just their one spot, too.

[41:27] There's like snipers blasting, as well.

[41:29] I thought, well, so this is what was very funny with this.

[41:32] One, this police boat is just circling

[41:34] this one spot in the water.

[41:36] And meanwhile, they're nowhere near the swimmers.

[41:38] They're nowhere near where the carnage is going on.

[41:42] So it's like, why did they decide this was the spot?

[41:43] And then a sniper is firing in,

[41:45] as if a sniper on a rooftop's gonna be able to see

[41:47] into the water and to see a shark.

[41:49] That's bonkers, that's silly.

[41:51] I mean, at that point, the waters,

[41:53] they just figured the water's their enemy.

[41:55] There's something in this water that's killing people.

[41:58] We have to shoot the water as much as we possibly can.

[42:00] I feel like the reaction to Piranha 3D

[42:04] is more normal than this one.

[42:06] Aw, man, what a movie.

[42:08] When Adam Scott is on that jet ski

[42:10] just going around shooting a rifle.

[42:14] A sawed-off shotgun into the stuff.

[42:17] And so they're shooting machine guns

[42:19] and sniper rifles into the river.

[42:22] And it keeps cutting to shots of Lilith,

[42:24] the giant shark, dodging the bullet streams.

[42:27] I was cackling at this point, it's so funny.

[42:32] And the police are like, no, don't fire in there.

[42:35] There's a bunch of unexploded ordnance in there,

[42:38] or unexploded munitions, which, of course,

[42:42] Lilith's super-fast dodging and swimming

[42:44] agitates all these unexploded shells

[42:48] that float up and then float back down,

[42:50] and then everything starts exploding.

[42:53] There's all these huge explosions, it blows up a bridge,

[42:56] causes a massive tsunami, washing everybody away.

[43:00] Paris is now flooded.

[43:02] The Lilith, the shark, is now mayor of Paris.

[43:05] End of movie.

[43:07] Yeah.

[43:08] And then during the credits, you see maps

[43:11] with lines implying that the sharks are now

[43:13] swimming through all the rivers of the world

[43:16] and invading other cities all over the world.

[43:18] I love it.

[43:19] I mean, those other cities, fortunately,

[43:21] were not blown up by unexploded World War II munitions,

[43:27] and so are mostly not underwater.

[43:29] If you just stay out of the water, you're okay, but.

[43:32] And there's a lot of cities that are not

[43:34] full of navigable waterways deep into the heart of the city,

[43:37] the way that Paris is.

[43:38] And then there's the footage of the sharks

[43:40] in the reverse wetsuits that are like,

[43:42] suits filled with water, and they're swimming on land.

[43:45] That would be.

[43:47] With AK-47s in their fins.

[43:50] I mean, Darwin said that sharks eventually

[43:53] are gonna figure out how to make water suits

[43:55] so they can kill us all.

[43:56] Yeah, he did say that.

[43:57] Yeah, it's right there in his book,

[43:58] On the Origin of Badass Stuff.

[44:00] That's a good name for a book.

[44:03] Okay, guys, so that was Under Paris.

[44:05] It was pretty fun.

[44:06] It was some fun stuff.

[44:07] Yeah, well, yeah, this is where we.

[44:09] What was the moment, Elliot, for you that you're like,

[44:11] this movie knows what it's doing now?

[44:14] So the first one, it really didn't hit me.

[44:17] I found it to be kind of slow and kind of like,

[44:20] oh, this is all right, until Mika got,

[44:22] as you said, got eaten by that shark.

[44:23] The way they shoot it is maximum sensational.

[44:26] And where you're above the air,

[44:28] you're up in the air looking down.

[44:30] And anytime they're doing shark stuff,

[44:32] I was like, this movie, you know what you're doing.

[44:34] And it was only the periods in between sharks

[44:36] that I felt like they could have pushed things more.

[44:38] Because especially once there's the big shark attack

[44:40] at the end, and the police are just firing guns

[44:41] into the water for no reason,

[44:43] and then everything in Paris is exploding and flooding,

[44:46] I'm like, okay, movie,

[44:47] you finally got to where you wanted to go, yeah.

[44:49] I didn't realize that like,

[44:50] Paris was that low on the water level, right?

[44:53] That like, it would just flood if the river explodes.

[44:57] I don't know enough about the geography in Paris.

[44:59] I know that Notre Dame is on an island

[45:03] in the middle of the city.

[45:05] So there's, you know, I know that there's water,

[45:07] but yeah, I don't know.

[45:08] Maybe it was partially destabilized

[45:10] by them blowing up the catacombs.

[45:11] Well, I think that was-

[45:12] Yeah, I think that was part of it.

[45:13] Probably some land shifting.

[45:15] I do think it is funny at the end

[45:16] when Sophia and Adil are looking around

[45:19] at this new flooded land as shark fins go everywhere.

[45:21] And the implication is now the sharks

[45:23] are the kings of the earth,

[45:24] and humanity must perish or run for its lives.

[45:27] And it's like, I don't know.

[45:28] I mean, there's a lot of times in human history

[45:30] where there's been like a big problem

[45:32] where we're not prepared at the moment,

[45:33] and then we get our act together and we take care of it.

[45:36] You know, this is, it's not like-

[45:37] This is kind of like a quiet place day one, right?

[45:39] Where it's like, this is how,

[45:41] now I want to see the next one

[45:42] where people are like trying to avoid

[45:44] all the shark swimming everywhere.

[45:47] Yeah, well, that next one,

[45:48] you have to call it, it has to be called On Top of Paris.

[45:50] You know, and then the third one, A Place in France,

[45:53] colon, was in the United States.

[45:56] It seems like we're making some Final Judgments,

[45:57] which is interesting because there is a branded segment

[46:00] on this podcast where we make Final Judgments.

[46:02] I'm not familiar, I've never listened to it.

[46:03] This is actually my first episode.

[46:04] Oh, it's interesting.

[46:05] It's called Final Judgments,

[46:06] and it's where we decide whether this is a good, bad movie.

[46:09] And there's like a sound effect

[46:11] like from a current affair or something.

[46:13] Well, I mean, you often made a sound effect,

[46:17] but then Alex would occasionally add some echo too.

[46:22] Anyway, this is where we just decide

[46:23] whether it was a good, bad movie,

[46:25] a bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked.

[46:28] Yeah, I'm gonna, you know, I kind of liked this.

[46:30] Like the thing is, so oftentimes people

[46:36] will make this argument, you know,

[46:38] towards critics or whatever.

[46:39] They're like, you gave this movie three stars,

[46:43] but you gave this movie two stars.

[46:45] And you really think this movie is better than the bad movie?

[46:48] Well, it's just, I mean, you can claim it's a straw man,

[46:52] but it's a thing that happens.

[46:53] Once again, Dan's arch nemesis, the strong man.

[46:56] It's not, a strong man is when you invent someone

[47:00] who does not exist, making an argument

[47:03] that's easy to knock down.

[47:04] Yeah, we're just saying to name one person

[47:05] who has done the thing that you're describing.

[47:07] There is this strain that you will see

[47:10] where people are like, they want criticism

[47:13] to exist on some sort of objective, yes.

[47:17] And the thing is,

[47:18] I think more than consistent,

[47:19] I think there's the objectivity

[47:21] that it's this like perfect thing,

[47:24] like removed from like gray areas.

[47:27] Right.

[47:28] Yeah, maybe, yeah, less than consistent.

[47:29] They want an objective, yeah, like you're saying,

[47:30] an objective, coherent, like concrete.

[47:33] Well, no, it's also a consistency where it's like,

[47:35] people get mad if you give like a good review

[47:39] to a movie that's trying to do less or whatever,

[47:41] you know, like, and they're like,

[47:42] this movie is worse in that way.

[47:45] Anyway, the point is,

[47:47] I don't want to insult anyone who's ever felt that way,

[47:52] but that's kind of a silly way of looking at it.

[47:54] I think all art can only sort of be

[47:59] truly sort of judged by how well it accomplishes

[48:04] its own goals.

[48:05] And arguably, it's like, and as you get older

[48:08] and you chill the fuck out,

[48:09] you stop worrying about stuff like that.

[48:11] This is all a long preamble to say,

[48:13] if you're watching a movie about sharks called Under Paris,

[48:18] this will deliver what you want for the most part.

[48:20] It's not the best version of that movie by any means,

[48:23] but I kind of liked it.

[48:24] Like it did, it was fun.

[48:26] You know, it's a fun shark movie.

[48:28] That's what I say.

[48:30] Yeah, Dan, you're right.

[48:31] It's a fun shark movie.

[48:32] I would say this is a movie I kind of like.

[48:35] It delivered exactly what I hoped,

[48:36] which was a couple of shots where I'm like,

[48:38] were they planning this to be 3D on Netflix or something?

[48:42] Because that shark's just bursting right out of the water,

[48:44] like waving at me, doing a little wink.

[48:47] Yeah, I will go the same way.

[48:49] Kind of liked it.

[48:50] It's nothing that I would be like,

[48:53] you got to rush out and see this thing.

[48:55] But if you want to see a movie about sharks

[48:56] eating people in Paris, then like.

[48:58] I mean, climax is pretty fun.

[49:00] And the climax is fun, yeah.

[49:01] Particularly after we related the whole plot to,

[49:03] maybe it's not so good that you need to rush out to see it,

[49:06] but, you know, it's fun.

[49:07] So if you're thinking about, I don't know,

[49:09] maybe like it's the summertime,

[49:11] everybody's going to Europe right now for the summer.

[49:14] Everybody's going to Europe.

[49:15] So like, if you want a little preparation

[49:17] for your trip to Paris,

[49:18] why don't you watch a movie about it exploding

[49:20] and there's sharks being everywhere?

[49:21] Well, you're going to have to,

[49:22] you don't want to show up and not realize

[49:24] that the whole city is flooded now

[49:25] and all the bridges are blown up and it's full of sharks.

[49:27] You want to know that before you go.

[49:29] Know before you go.

[49:30] Because the place you're traveling is full of sharks, yeah.

[49:32] You're expecting it to be full of tourists, you know?

[49:35] Yes, yes.

[49:36] You weren't expecting all the sharks.

[49:37] You didn't expect it to be full of gorists,

[49:39] which are sharks that are eating people

[49:41] and there's gore everywhere.

[49:42] Yeah, do you think all those sharks

[49:43] are now all smoking too because they're in Europe?

[49:46] Yeah, all the sharks are on bicycles

[49:48] with a single baguette in their basket.

[49:51] Long baguette, smoking cigarettes,

[49:53] they're all kind of on weed.

[49:54] That's the kind of city liberals want

[49:55] where you have to go out,

[49:56] you can go out and buy one baguette each day.

[50:00] I mean, have you seen the size of the refrigerators in Paris?

[50:03] Much smaller.

[50:04] Much smaller.

[50:05] When actually, what liberals want is the kind of bag of baguettes that Tom Wilkinson's carrying

[50:10] and Michael Clayton that's just stuffed with baguettes.

[50:12] Have you seen this?

[50:13] He's got, there's like 20 baguettes in this bag.

[50:15] How many baguettes does one man eat?

[50:19] That's to show that he's spiraling into madness.

[50:22] It's too many baguettes.

[50:27] That is a subtle sign of madness.

[50:31] When Iron Maiden asked, can I play with madness, they just meant, how many baguettes do I get

[50:35] to eat?

[50:36] Since 2017, Maximum Film has had the same slogan.

[50:44] The podcast that's not just a bunch of straight white guys.

[50:47] We've learned something over the years.

[50:48] Some people out there really do not like that slogan.

[50:51] Listen, we love straight white guys.

[50:54] Well, some of them.

[50:55] But if there's one thing we can't change, it's who we are.

[50:58] I'm Iffy, a comedian who was on strike last year in two different unions.

[51:02] I'm Drea.

[51:03] I've been a producer and film festival programmer for decades.

[51:06] And I'm Alonzo, a film critic who literally wrote the book on queer Hollywood.

[51:10] You can listen to us talk movies and the movie biz every week on Maximum Film.

[51:15] We may not be straight white guys, but we love movies and we know what we're talking

[51:19] about.

[51:20] Listen to Maximum Film on Maximum Fun or wherever you listen to podcasts.

[51:25] Oh, darling, why won't you accept my love?

[51:31] My dear, even though you are a Duke, I could never love you.

[51:36] You you borrowed a book from me and never returned it.

[51:43] Save yourself from this terrible fate by listening to reading glasses.

[51:46] We'll help you get those borrowed books back and solve all your other reader problems.

[51:51] Reading glasses every Thursday on Maximum Fun.

[51:55] There's a thing that I want to tell you, and that's that the Flophouse is sponsored

[51:58] in part by Squarespace, the all in one website platform that lets entrepreneurs stand out

[52:04] and succeed online.

[52:05] Whether you're starting out or managing your existing brand, Squarespace makes it easy

[52:10] to create a beautiful website, engage with your audience and sell anything from products

[52:14] to content to time in one place on your terms.

[52:17] If you want to start a website warning people of the shark dangers in Paris, for instance,

[52:24] a live map that tells you where the sharks are and where they aren't.

[52:28] Squarespace is a platform for you.

[52:31] And with Squarespace Blueprint, that's their new guided design system that lets you choose

[52:35] from curated layout and styling options to build a unique website from the ground up

[52:40] tailored to your brand or business and optimized for every device.

[52:44] Your customers can enjoy seamless checkout with their simple but powerful payment tools

[52:50] such as PayPal, Apple Pay, and in eligible countries, customers can buy now and pay later

[52:56] with Afterpay and Clearpay.

[52:59] So if they want to pay later for that life saving shark information, that's a possibility

[53:05] in select countries.

[53:07] Sell your products and services, whether you sell physical goods, digital content or services,

[53:12] Squarespace has the tools you need to set up an online store and start selling.

[53:17] So go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

[53:21] And when you are ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash flop to save 10% off your first purchase

[53:28] of a website or domain.

[53:30] I believe we have a jumbotron.

[53:33] We do have a jumbotron.

[53:35] If two jumbotrons, I'll take one, Stu, you take the other.

[53:38] We'll do this Lilith style where we have there's more than one of us.

[53:44] Yeah.

[53:45] That's not what happens.

[53:46] That's not an ending, I think.

[53:47] Yeah.

[53:48] I didn't really know where I was going with it.

[53:49] So this jumbotron is for Jake Boshart, and it's from Val, Henry and Ellie, and they say

[53:54] happy birthday to the best friend, husband and dad who are the very opposite of bad movies.

[54:00] And we love you.

[54:01] That's so sweet.

[54:02] What a lovely birthday message.

[54:03] Happy birthday, Jake.

[54:05] And this and this next message is for Rob Lubas.

[54:11] And the message is from Rob and Tom.

[54:15] Happy 40th birthday, Lubas.

[54:18] Even though you, Arena and Plotkin don't live as close as you once did, they still feel

[54:24] lucky that you are one of their best friends.

[54:28] I'm assuming this is Rob and Tom.

[54:30] And they're glad that everything you three talk about today is just as dumb as it was

[54:36] in high school.

[54:38] Here's to more years of smoked meats, hoppy beer and dumb movies.

[54:43] We love you, man.

[54:46] All those things we love, too, here at the Flophouse.

[54:48] And an ominous spin on that one.

[54:50] Hey, before we move on to some more information about that live show that Elliot mentioned

[54:55] before, I just want to say the Flophouse now has a newsletter written primarily by me,

[55:02] but with other contributions at times called Flop Secrets.

[55:08] And if you want to get all of your behind the scenes, I mean, it continues the movie

[55:13] theme by putting a popcorn thing in there.

[55:15] I like it.

[55:16] It's good.

[55:17] Basically, why don't you go to Flophousepodcast.com, there's a field on the front page there where

[55:24] you can put your email address in to receive this newsletter.

[55:29] It comes the day before our main episodes.

[55:32] It tells you what we're up to.

[55:35] There's always something silly in there that's also fun to read, so it's not just advertising.

[55:39] It's just a good way for us to connect with you that doesn't involve us, say, getting

[55:44] on the website of an evil billionaire who is awful and allows awful things to be said.

[55:51] Is there like a like a like a puzzle or a jumble or one of those like spot the difference

[55:56] jumble?

[55:57] I mean, not yet.

[55:58] Dan, you're talented.

[55:59] You should try one of those.

[56:00] You could do one of those, Dan.

[56:01] I could do a junior jumble.

[56:02] It's true.

[56:03] I'll look into that.

[56:04] Or even a grown up jumble.

[56:05] A regular jumble?

[56:06] No, too advanced.

[56:07] Like a nudie, like a nudie touch.

[56:09] One where it's like spot the difference and yeah.

[56:11] I'm sorry.

[56:12] Nudie touch?

[56:13] Yeah, that's what we called it.

[56:14] But like we used to go to a bar in Park Slope that had one of those machines where it would

[56:19] like show two pictures of like a lady in lingerie and spot the differences.

[56:24] We just called it nudie touch because he had a touch screen and there's nudies on it.

[56:29] And we're drunk.

[56:30] Come on, man.

[56:31] So Flophouse Newsletter.

[56:32] While you're over at the Flophouse website and you're signing up for that great newsletter

[56:37] where you learn about all sorts of Flophouse stuff, let me tell you about something you'll

[56:40] probably also learn about on the newsletter, which, as I mentioned above, is that we have

[56:44] a new online video event premiere coming up.

[56:48] Our final of the two video shows in Los Angeles that we recorded last year is being released

[56:53] on video by the beautiful people at StagePilot who did a beautiful job on this beautiful

[56:57] show.

[56:58] And we're talking three men and a baby.

[57:01] And we're joined by the star of the show.

[57:03] That's right.

[57:04] We just had to call it three men and a Hallie.

[57:07] So this is, again, a really fantastically professionally put together video of that

[57:13] other live show.

[57:14] And you're going to get the whole thing.

[57:15] You're going to get our presentations.

[57:16] You're going to get the whole discussion with star of the show Hallie Hagelin talking about

[57:20] three men and a baby.

[57:21] You're going to get the audience questions.

[57:22] You're going to get little bits of footage and jokes that were not part of the live show

[57:26] and were recorded at the time.

[57:28] But if you went to the live show, you also missed this stuff.

[57:31] You didn't get to see it.

[57:32] And if you weren't at the show, you haven't seen any of this.

[57:35] It's all original material, all new stuff.

[57:38] And not only that, is there going to be exclusive merchandise?

[57:42] Three men and a Hallie themed merchandise, Dan, sold during this video window and no

[57:46] other time?

[57:47] That's true.

[57:48] I drew some art for this, for the merch for the show.

[57:52] Why do you say art like that, Dan?

[57:54] Well, you know, look, it involves the three of us and Hallie in one of the drawings.

[58:02] And I worry I didn't do us the fullest justice in the sense that like it's hard to draw anyone

[58:10] that you know personally without feeling that maybe you've insulted them.

[58:14] But I also think that the art is nice and people will like it.

[58:17] Yeah.

[58:18] You're a good artist, Dan.

[58:19] Yeah.

[58:20] Thank you.

[58:21] Thank you.

[58:22] Just because I look like I look like kind of a possessed ventriloquist dummy of the emcee

[58:25] from Cabaret.

[58:26] That's OK.

[58:27] Dog.

[58:28] I hate to break it to you.

[58:29] But Dan did a great job.

[58:34] It's original Dan McCoy art on that merchandise and you will only be able to get it during

[58:38] the video window this show.

[58:39] So when's the video window?

[58:40] That's what I'm going to say.

[58:42] That's why your wife always wants to watch magic with you.

[58:45] Yeah, because then she can be like, that's you in the movie, right?

[58:49] So the the premieres Saturday, August 4th at 8 p.m. Eastern Pacific Sunday.

[58:54] Sunday.

[58:55] I'm sorry.

[58:56] Sunday, August 4th.

[58:57] I apologize.

[58:58] Sunday, August 4th at 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific.

[59:00] We will be in the chat box watching it with you live chatting, you know, over text during

[59:05] that first airing.

[59:06] But then you can't make it on Sunday, August 4th at 8 p.m. Eastern, 5 p.m. Pacific.

[59:10] Just stream it at your leisure for the next two straight weeks as many times as you want

[59:15] over midnight the night of August 18th.

[59:19] That's when it stops.

[59:20] But until then, you just watch it whenever you want over and over.

[59:23] Just leave it on as background noise or, you know, visuals if you want.

[59:27] So that is Three Men and a Hallie, a new live video event featuring the Flophouse and

[59:33] star of the show, Hallie Hagland.

[59:34] Just go to Flophousepodcast.com slash events and you will see the listing for Three Men

[59:39] and a Hallie.

[59:40] The fine people of StagePilot have done another fantastic job.

[59:43] We're so excited to be working with them again.

[59:45] Go over there, get your tickets and watch it when it's up.

[59:50] Well, let's move on to letters from listeners.

[59:54] Perfect.

[59:55] We have listeners.

[59:57] You're one of them.

[59:58] You.

[59:59] I'm pointing at you.

[1:00:00] The one with the headphones on listening to us.

[1:00:04] Did you send this letter?

[1:00:05] Could be.

[1:00:05] Let's read on and find out.

[1:00:07] This one is from Anwar, last name withheld, who writes,

[1:00:12] hey peaches, I'm listening to your disclosure episode and

[1:00:15] you've just pointed out that the major twist of the movie.

[1:00:18] The major twist is that the movie is about corporate

[1:00:20] shenanigans, not sexual harassment.

[1:00:23] Strangely, that has me thinking about all the times you

[1:00:25] pointed out that 80s and 90s children's films would often

[1:00:29] have corporate themes, i.e. Santa Claus the movie, where

[1:00:33] John Lithgow wanted to corner the market on Christmas.

[1:00:36] So I was thinking, what flop house movies would be enhanced

[1:00:39] by shifting the focus of the movie to something more corporate?

[1:00:42] For example, would Dwegans and Leprechauns benefit from a

[1:00:46] storyline focused on the big Dwegan slash Leprechaun merger?

[1:00:50] Or maybe Batman V Superman should have focused on how the

[1:00:53] Daily Planet isn't selling well anymore and they need to

[1:00:56] transition to BuzzFeed style listicles.

[1:00:59] Last thing, I listened to your entire run during the pandemic

[1:01:02] and made everyday easier.

[1:01:03] It's the best podcast around and one day in the future when

[1:01:06] Dan does the introduction, he will mess up his own name again

[1:01:09] and it will be the best thing ever.

[1:01:11] Love you guys, Anwar.

[1:01:14] Okay, that's a tough one.

[1:01:17] I do love, man, I feel like, do you think that like all the

[1:01:24] corporate garbage was thrown in there because they're like,

[1:01:26] we need to give parents something to really latch on to or

[1:01:29] they're like, we need to prepare kids for the harsh realities

[1:01:32] of the world.

[1:01:33] Yeah, it's not going to be like floating candy canes all their

[1:01:36] lives. To be honest, I think it was honestly, I think it's

[1:01:39] probably people writing about the things that they knew about

[1:01:42] like that they were as opposed, it's the same way that my wife

[1:01:45] was reading a book last night and she was like, I don't know

[1:01:48] if I'm going to keep reading this book.

[1:01:48] It's like kind of a satire on academia and the things that

[1:01:52] college kids kind of get obsessed with this that she's like,

[1:01:56] I'm kind of like, yeah, I heard about this.

[1:01:58] I know about it, but there's a lot of writers who write about

[1:02:00] that stuff because it's the world that they swim in.

[1:02:02] And so I don't think that screenwriters were necessarily

[1:02:05] swimming in corporate intrigue, but the people who were paying

[1:02:08] them, I think were at that time.

[1:02:11] But also, but maybe there is an ulterior motive, which is like

[1:02:13] we got to get kids.

[1:02:14] Maybe they were trying to teach kids not to get into the

[1:02:17] corporate world because it's so stressful.

[1:02:19] And so they could all be free living artists.

[1:02:21] I don't know.

[1:02:22] That's possible, too.

[1:02:23] I'd like to see it in like a movie where it really doesn't

[1:02:26] belong.

[1:02:27] Like I'm 10,000 BC.

[1:02:29] Well, yeah, like stuff that we did.

[1:02:31] I was looking through.

[1:02:31] I was going to say the legend of Hercules, like if we cut away

[1:02:34] from Hercules's labors to like Hercules's managers, which I

[1:02:38] guess are the Mount Olympus gods.

[1:02:41] I don't know.

[1:02:42] Yeah, they're yeah.

[1:02:43] They're kind of like his managers entry between them.

[1:02:46] Like there's going to be a big merger with I don't know the

[1:02:49] Roman gods.

[1:02:50] I don't wait.

[1:02:51] I mean the Roman gods, the Greek gods are so similar.

[1:02:53] They might as well.

[1:02:54] I know.

[1:02:54] Yeah, they they're competing for the same share of the marketplace

[1:02:57] now if they were going to but I feel like the corporate murder

[1:02:59] like the corporate intrigue of the Greek gods.

[1:03:03] Basically the Iliad, right?

[1:03:05] I mean pretty much.

[1:03:06] Yeah, that's that's why Troy like doesn't work for me as a movie

[1:03:09] is because when you take like the Greek gods out of that story,

[1:03:12] you're like, okay, this is this doesn't make sense.

[1:03:15] I would I would agree except for the comic book series Age of

[1:03:18] Bronze, which is which is a really good the Trojan War without

[1:03:21] the gods in it.

[1:03:22] Okay, gold is bronze these days bronze.

[1:03:26] It's looking great.

[1:03:27] I mean the thing is it can play anywhere from 18 to 735,000.

[1:03:32] So it's like a real George Hamilton.

[1:03:34] Actually bronze doesn't go back that far.

[1:03:36] How far back does bronze go probably like 10,000 years or

[1:03:38] something like that?

[1:03:39] I don't know geologists right in geologists with that.

[1:03:42] We have a lot of just people who study jello where geologists

[1:03:44] people say dollars.

[1:03:46] Yeah, metallurgists geologists.

[1:03:50] That's Dan McCoy saying he who smelt it dealt it gets metal over

[1:03:54] here smelters.

[1:03:55] So I mean unless you do unless you have specific answers when I

[1:03:59] was thinking about this.

[1:04:00] I was being a little too literal and I was thinking about the

[1:04:01] movie no deposit which is all about a guy losing his job because

[1:04:04] of the recession and then another guy running a beverage in

[1:04:07] just a beverage business and there's almost no corporate stuff

[1:04:10] in that whatsoever, you know, but I would have I wouldn't have

[1:04:12] minded seeing a little bit more of what was going on.

[1:04:14] Yeah, like in faithful findings.

[1:04:16] I would love for there to be a scene of like they're like wow,

[1:04:18] we've been selling so many laptops to this guy.

[1:04:21] What's going on?

[1:04:23] I've got the findings and they're so faithful and when he says

[1:04:25] he's he's hacked into corporate secrets and we don't find out

[1:04:28] what those secrets are that he seems like a real a real waste

[1:04:31] of foreshadowing, you know, yeah.

[1:04:34] This letter is from Willie last name withheld who writes alphas

[1:04:40] driving me crazy.

[1:04:45] Dear Dan Elliot and Stewart.

[1:04:47] I hope this letter finds you well and I must apologize for

[1:04:50] the unconventional means of communication.

[1:04:52] My name is Willie and I write to you as a time traveler from

[1:04:55] the future that has been shaped by your podcast the flop house.

[1:04:58] Okay.

[1:04:58] I'm going to say right here Willie that the means of communication

[1:05:00] is not is not strange at all.

[1:05:02] I guess it's more the story you're telling with it because

[1:05:04] I think I mean email is not I think as a future man the email

[1:05:09] is a is a is an arc archaic warm because he's what do you

[1:05:12] do like thought thought grams?

[1:05:14] Yeah.

[1:05:14] Yeah, like plug your ponytail into something.

[1:05:17] Yeah.

[1:05:19] Sounds like a slogan for the worst the worst kind of cool

[1:05:23] young persons like a drink.

[1:05:29] Right to you as a time travel from the future that has been

[1:05:32] shaped by your podcast the flop house in this world your podcast

[1:05:35] has transcended its status as entertainment and become a

[1:05:38] catalyst for a utopian society particularly due to one fateful

[1:05:42] descent decision Crowe Vember Crowe Vember quickly captured

[1:05:47] the hearts and minds of listeners critics and Hollywood

[1:05:50] itself with infectious the infectious enthusiasm with which

[1:05:53] you tackled crows filmography rekindled in his work and Russell

[1:05:58] Crowe himself taking note of your dedication and humor fully

[1:06:03] embraced Crowe Vember leading to a resurgence in his career.

[1:06:06] That was nothing short of legendary, but it didn't stop there

[1:06:10] Topeka Kansas became a hub for film enthusiasts hosting an

[1:06:13] annual Crowe Vember film festival that drew fans from across

[1:06:17] the globe.

[1:06:18] It's single-handedly revived the local economy turning Topeka

[1:06:21] into a cultural hotspot people found common ground in the

[1:06:25] shared love for Russell Crowe's diverse roles this passion

[1:06:28] for cinema transcended borders fostering global unity your

[1:06:32] podcast gentlemen unwittingly set the stage for a utopian

[1:06:36] society the success of Crowe Vember ultimately led to a world

[1:06:40] where understanding and cultural exchange thrived.

[1:06:43] It's astonishing to see the profound impact your endeavors

[1:06:46] had on history with sincere gratitude and admiration will the

[1:06:50] last name withheld.

[1:06:51] So this is a I can only hope that Crowe Vember revived the dark

[1:06:55] universe and we finally got that.

[1:06:57] Dr.

[1:06:57] Jekyll.

[1:06:58] Mr.

[1:06:58] Hyde movie starring Russell Crowe.

[1:07:00] Finally, I mean that would have been great.

[1:07:01] The Johnny Depp Invisible Man movie, but I want that Dr.

[1:07:03] Jekyll and Mr.

[1:07:03] Hyde movie.

[1:07:04] We'll only know if that's true if we fulfill our dark destiny.

[1:07:09] So we'll have to make Crowe Vember.

[1:07:12] I don't I mean, you know, I not a completely against it.

[1:07:15] He's got a new Exorcist movie coming out.

[1:07:17] Yeah, this one about a guy making a movie about an Exorcist

[1:07:21] and he starts to things get too real.

[1:07:24] I don't know.

[1:07:24] I hadn't looked into it.

[1:07:25] So I couldn't tell if it was the same character or not if it's

[1:07:27] not the same character.

[1:07:28] That would be amazing.

[1:07:29] If Russell Crowe makes a different Exorcist movie, but it was

[1:07:33] a different guy.

[1:07:34] I love Italian Columbo the Exorcist the movie.

[1:07:38] Yeah, I didn't I you know, I am I don't want to let down our

[1:07:43] Bill and Ted style utopian future society that we helped usher

[1:07:48] in Crowe Vember would come after two other theme months, which

[1:07:53] would really sort of handcuff.

[1:07:55] Oh, yeah, you're right.

[1:07:56] Dan World Peace is worth that.

[1:07:59] No, but the pun is so good.

[1:08:00] I feel like maybe we should look for a Russell Crowe movie

[1:08:04] in November and maybe we can work our way up.

[1:08:06] We don't do it.

[1:08:06] Those happen to those exist.

[1:08:09] Yeah, I think there's a few of them out there.

[1:08:11] Let's guys let's do it.

[1:08:13] Let's let's do one movie with Russell Crowe in November for

[1:08:17] God's sake.

[1:08:19] Yeah, so we'll see what we're going to do this for this Thanksgiving.

[1:08:22] We're not eating turkey.

[1:08:23] We're eating crow.

[1:08:26] Pretty good.

[1:08:27] Actually, I know it's good.

[1:08:29] No, I'm okay.

[1:08:31] I know Dan is a talented chef.

[1:08:33] So I think the branding is good.

[1:08:35] Okay.

[1:08:36] Yeah, branding performant.

[1:08:38] He could prepare it.

[1:08:39] Well as well.

[1:08:40] That's fine.

[1:08:41] I mean we have cage miss.

[1:08:42] We could have Crowsgiving.

[1:08:43] That's the other thing.

[1:08:44] Although I know it has to be called Crowe Vember for that

[1:08:46] beautiful future to come to pass.

[1:08:47] So yeah, if we call it, yeah, if we call it Crowsgiving, it'll

[1:08:51] be like something will go wrong and the future will be terrible.

[1:08:55] Yeah, as opposed to right now.

[1:08:59] Yeah, when it's just good things one after another.

[1:09:01] Yeah, guys, there's only one more segment of the on the show

[1:09:06] before we get released from our curse.

[1:09:08] Dan's beatbox lessons.

[1:09:10] So Dan, last week you showed us how to lay down a solid

[1:09:12] backbeat. Now show us how to ramp it up and add some flavor

[1:09:16] to it.

[1:09:16] Yeah, yeah, show us how to do your patented Dan McCoy

[1:09:19] stanky leg.

[1:09:23] Maybe I'll save that for the newsletter.

[1:09:26] Yeah, with diagrams.

[1:09:27] Yeah, seems like the right medium for that.

[1:09:30] Yeah, I mean, I don't know that a podcast, an audio podcast

[1:09:34] would be any better than for a dance lesson.

[1:09:37] It would just be Dan talking and then us saying, oh shit.

[1:09:41] Okay, right now I'm moving my leg in a particularly stanky

[1:09:44] fashion.

[1:09:46] Imagine it guys.

[1:09:48] Stankier.

[1:09:51] No, this is the part where we recommend movies that we saw

[1:09:54] recently and enjoyed or not recently.

[1:09:57] You can just pick one out of the hat, the old memory hat.

[1:10:00] But in my case, in my case, I'm going to recommend a movie that I caught up with sort of later

[1:10:10] in its run.

[1:10:11] I finally saw Maxine, the third X movie from, was it T-West or Ti-West?

[1:10:17] I don't know.

[1:10:18] I call him Ti-West.

[1:10:19] Ti-West is what I've heard.

[1:10:20] Yeah.

[1:10:21] I mean, T-West would be if you're just using his initial.

[1:10:24] Or having some tea.

[1:10:26] And his primary collaborator, Mia Goth.

[1:10:29] Mia Goth.

[1:10:31] His muse.

[1:10:32] You a goth?

[1:10:33] Mia Goth.

[1:10:34] That's when Mario walks out a fucking hot tub.

[1:10:35] Okay, there's nothing in the rule book that says I can't be a goth.

[1:10:36] Like, wow, this new Mario game is doing some cool outfits.

[1:10:37] It's-a-me, a goth.

[1:10:38] And then Mia Goth says, it's-a-me.

[1:10:39] She says it way more oi-gov-na than that.

[1:10:42] Yeah, that's true.

[1:10:43] She is pretty oi-gov-na.

[1:10:44] Hey, this has gotten the most mixed reviews of the three movies, and I, you know, it's

[1:11:10] probably the least successful of them.

[1:11:13] I will give it that.

[1:11:14] But I liked it a lot still.

[1:11:17] I think that a lot of the problems that people had with it were third act problems where

[1:11:24] I'm like, maybe it's lazy to say, like, hey, these are things that happen in the stuff

[1:11:31] I'm referencing.

[1:11:32] And so, like, a thing that gives you a problem shouldn't be a problem.

[1:11:36] Like, I can understand not liking that argument, but I feel like this is drawing so much from

[1:11:41] Diallo movies where there is a utterly ridiculous sort of solution to the mystery of what's

[1:11:49] going on that I think some of the things that people who maybe are not as, like, deep into

[1:11:57] these references had problems with are kind of, I don't know, baked in.

[1:12:03] I know that it sounds snobby where it's like, you gotta be a real horror fan to appreciate

[1:12:07] this.

[1:12:08] But I do think that, like, it didn't bother me so much in large part because, like, these

[1:12:14] are just types of movie I already enjoy that this is drawing on.

[1:12:21] And you know, Myakoth, still great.

[1:12:23] It's very stylishly made.

[1:12:25] It's just, it's just, whether or not you have plot problems, it's just a lot of fun to watch,

[1:12:31] I think.

[1:12:32] And, you know, Giancarlo Esposito.

[1:12:37] Kevin Bacon.

[1:12:38] Kevin Bacon.

[1:12:39] He knows the grief.

[1:12:41] Being as greasy as a man can be, Elizabeth DeBecke just looking as astounding as a human

[1:12:48] can look.

[1:12:49] It's just a lot of fun.

[1:12:51] Yeah, I'll offer a slightly dissenting opinion because this is a movie that I liked and there's

[1:12:54] a lot of stuff that I really like about it.

[1:12:56] I just, I think, like, I feel like it references Dressed to Kill and Body Double so much that

[1:13:01] I wished it was, like, a little bit sleazier.

[1:13:05] Well, if wishes were fishes.

[1:13:06] That's true, I guess.

[1:13:07] Good point, Dave.

[1:13:08] Harris would be covered.

[1:13:09] But at the same time, like, I had high, you know, I think part of it is I had high expectations.

[1:13:14] I loved Pearl and I liked Exenoth and, again, I didn't dislike it but there's, like, I think

[1:13:19] I had higher hopes.

[1:13:20] No, it is a comedown from the series high of, I think, Pearl is my pick but a lot of

[1:13:27] fun still.

[1:13:28] Stuart.

[1:13:29] I'm going to recommend another horror movie that I went to the movie theater with Dan

[1:13:33] McCoy so that he could keep me from getting too scared.

[1:13:37] We went and saw a opening weekend screening of Long Legs, the hit of the summer.

[1:13:43] It was a packed-ass theater full of people and there was so many people that they're

[1:13:48] like, people were having trouble finding seats and they're like, I guess I'll just stand

[1:13:52] and I'm like, that's fucking crazy, dude, go home, come another time.

[1:13:55] I've never heard of that but also they shouldn't sell more tickets than there are seats in

[1:13:58] the theater.

[1:13:59] I think it was some sort of ticketing error in this case.

[1:14:01] Computer error.

[1:14:02] Yeah, maybe Long Legs is playing Havoc in the computer.

[1:14:08] Legs are just too long.

[1:14:09] I need an extra seat for my long legs.

[1:14:12] So yeah, I mean, this is a oddly very successful horror movie, successful financially.

[1:14:17] It's a very successful horror movie as a movie, too.

[1:14:20] It's just like a nonstop, overwhelming, dreadful experience.

[1:14:25] I describe it as like a two-hour tummy ache.

[1:14:28] It is like the music and the way it is shot and the way everything is performed is so

[1:14:34] overwhelming that I could talk about the plot but I don't think that matters that much.

[1:14:39] I guess there's like a serial killer element to it and Nicolas Cage gives, I would say,

[1:14:43] one of a top five all-time Nicolas Cage performance and it is pitched at such a high level but

[1:14:49] for some reason it manages to work within the context of the movie.

[1:14:54] It's a movie where I'm sure there's already a backlash forming about people that are like,

[1:15:00] this didn't make sense and I'm like, you are missing the point of this movie.

[1:15:03] This is just like a nonstop, you are uncomfortable and unhappy movie.

[1:15:08] Yeah, if it doesn't make sense, it doesn't make sense in sort of a nightmare way that

[1:15:14] makes sense for a horror movie.

[1:15:15] I will say, just to temper people's expectations, it is a nonstop whatever you said.

[1:15:25] Well, that's the thing, but in a very low-key way.

[1:15:27] I feel like that could suggest a certain thing to viewers where it is like creeping dread

[1:15:37] that doesn't stop.

[1:15:38] But it's like constant, it's like this constant feeling of not being comfortable and it feels

[1:15:45] a lot like Osgood Perkins, the director.

[1:15:51] I really loved his last movie, Black Coat's Daughter, and it feels like a natural progression

[1:15:56] from that, which had a similar overwhelming bad vibes feel.

[1:16:04] So thumbs up to long legs and thumbs up to seeing movies with my good buddy Dan McCoy.

[1:16:08] Always a treat.

[1:16:09] If you can do it.

[1:16:10] If you can do it, yeah.

[1:16:11] I mean, honestly, if you walk into an Alamo draft house in the New York area on any given

[1:16:15] day, there's a chance you're going to see Dan.

[1:16:17] Or a Nighthawk.

[1:16:18] Or a Nighthawk, yeah.

[1:16:19] I don't know how Dan supports, he supports both parties.

[1:16:23] He's bi-theater-isan.

[1:16:24] You guys are seeing all the movies that I want to see, I haven't got to see them yet,

[1:16:28] but I'll tell you about a creeping terror horror movie that I did see that is also more

[1:16:33] about kind of atmosphere than major thrills.

[1:16:34] It's called The Creepy Terror.

[1:16:35] It's called The Creepy Terror.

[1:16:37] So this is a movie I saw relatively recently, but it's not new, it's from 1986.

[1:16:42] It is from, you guessed it, Czechoslovakia, and you guessed it, it's directed by Vera

[1:16:46] Chytilova, and this movie is called Wolf's Hole.

[1:16:49] And this is, so Vera Chytilova, who did Daisies and Fruit of Paradise, this is her take on

[1:16:56] a kind of like teens in an isolated setting horror movie.

[1:17:01] It is not heavy on like gore or shocks, but there's some very unsettling moments and images

[1:17:09] in it.

[1:17:10] And overall, there's just a non-stop feeling of dread and discomfort throughout the entire

[1:17:14] movie.

[1:17:15] So if you're going to it looking for gore, you're not gonna get a lot of that.

[1:17:18] But these kids are going on a ski class vacation, like they've been picked for a special ski

[1:17:23] class that they're going to.

[1:17:25] It's in the middle of nowhere, in a place where there is not enough food, and the beds

[1:17:29] are gross and old, and it's run by an old man and a young man, and the old man is kind

[1:17:33] of instantly like, hey, one of you has to die.

[1:17:37] And it's one of those things where you're like, why did anyone agree to go on this ski

[1:17:41] trip?

[1:17:43] But it's just non-stop.

[1:17:44] That was in the brochure that one of them had to die.

[1:17:47] Oh, yeah.

[1:17:48] I'll go on to TripAdvisor and make a note.

[1:17:50] Yeah.

[1:17:51] Sorry, I had to pause for a second.

[1:17:53] No, it's not in the brochure that someone would die on a ski trip.

[1:17:57] But it's just kind of a good like, these teens have to figure out what's going on.

[1:18:01] But at the same time, they're still arguing over like, who's going to cook and what are

[1:18:05] they going to eat?

[1:18:06] Elliot had to pause because he had a push notification from Popeye's that the chicken

[1:18:10] was hot and he should come by.

[1:18:11] I gotta go.

[1:18:13] But I really enjoyed it a lot.

[1:18:15] It is a more abstract horror movie in some ways, but at the same time, it hits a lot

[1:18:19] of the points that a teen horror movie's got to hit just from a kind of slightly different

[1:18:23] angle and tone.

[1:18:24] So that's Wolf's Hole.

[1:18:26] Elliot, is there a Popeye's app?

[1:18:29] There is a Popeye's app and I have it.

[1:18:30] You can order through it, you get special deals and you also accumulate points based

[1:18:34] on the dollars you spend and then you get free stuff.

[1:18:37] What are you like, Diamond Elite?

[1:18:38] Yeah, exactly.

[1:18:40] Yeah, they usher you into the lounge, the Popeye's lounge.

[1:18:43] Yeah, so you start at Popeye's Customer, then Jazz Man, then Jazz Funeral Paul Bearer, and

[1:18:51] then...

[1:18:52] To Spinach Eating Sailor Man.

[1:18:54] Yeah, and then Sailor Man is finally the final one, yeah.

[1:18:58] You and Hodgman are going to be in that lounge together, toasting with drumsticks.

[1:19:02] He wishes he was in the Popeye's lounge.

[1:19:03] Yeah, the special Popeye's lounge.

[1:19:04] Yeah, he used to be able to get in so much easier now, yeah.

[1:19:09] Hey, that's the end of this show for another week.

[1:19:14] Always an anti-climatic way to end the show from yours truly, Dan McCoy.

[1:19:18] Yeah, we could learn from that.

[1:19:20] Hey, like I said, why not go to flophousepodcast.com, sign up for the newsletter.

[1:19:28] It's probably the easiest way to find out everything that's going on with us going forward

[1:19:34] rather than having to rely on nasty social media.

[1:19:38] Or like tuning into my regular weekly hobby streams on Twitch, where you can just watch

[1:19:43] me paint models and occasionally remember to talk about the podcast I do.

[1:19:47] I mean, you know, it's a painting podcast.

[1:19:49] It's not a...

[1:19:50] I mean, it's a painting show.

[1:19:51] It's not about the podcast you're also on.

[1:19:53] It's true, yeah.

[1:19:55] But that is one of the sorts of things that gets plugged in the newsletter.

[1:20:00] of stuff, you know, one less unpleasant place to be on the Internet is our Instagram feed,

[1:20:07] which also has stuff like clips from the show that you can see our faces on, if that's a

[1:20:12] thing that you like.

[1:20:15] But anyway, other than that, I just want to thank Maximum Fun, our podcast network.

[1:20:20] Go to MaximumFun.org, check out other shows on the network.

[1:20:23] You also post pictures of you doing yoga on that.

[1:20:26] I did that one time.

[1:20:29] You decided you needed to do a Dan style, Stuart style thirst trap.

[1:20:32] Yeah, I mean, I guess it was my yoga pose.

[1:20:37] I mean, his arms are stretched out super fucking far and Chun-Li was kicking at him.

[1:20:42] My yoga teacher, Carla, shout out to you, Carla, who will never listen to the show,

[1:20:49] saw me do a side plank, was like, I got to get a picture of this.

[1:20:52] And then she said, put that on the podcast.

[1:20:54] And I was like, I can't do that, but I'll put it on the Instagram feed.

[1:21:00] So that's the kind of great content you can expect over there.

[1:21:04] I mean, we describe movies on the podcast.

[1:21:07] It's not like people can see them.

[1:21:08] So you're saying I should describe what it looks like when I'm doing a side plank?

[1:21:11] Yeah, do it.

[1:21:12] OK, well, the point of contact is the side of my foot and then the other foot is stacked

[1:21:17] on top of that. And then my straight arm holds me up.

[1:21:21] So there's sort of like a triangle between me and the floor and the other arm goes up.

[1:21:25] Like, are you like cheesing out, doing like a peace sign, tongue out or anything?

[1:21:30] No, cheesing out, I don't know what that is, but I'm curious.

[1:21:33] You're going into such great detail about this.

[1:21:35] But when we wanted to describe your stanky leg, you just would not get into it.

[1:21:38] Well, he doesn't give away that shit for free.

[1:21:41] So stanky.

[1:21:44] You're like Sidney Bechet covering your fingers with a handkerchief so no one can see how you move the instrument.

[1:21:49] Yeah, when they were making the Matrix 4, they're like, Dan, we want to get you in here to do your stanky leg on camera.

[1:21:54] You can't own my moves.

[1:21:57] For once, I'm the one delaying the end of the podcast.

[1:22:00] Right now, we're like so close to the finish line.

[1:22:02] But it's like doing a live show with Elliot where he's like, and now let me.

[1:22:06] Before like security at the doors, like hitting nightsticks against their palms.

[1:22:13] I mean, I think it would be understandable that I'm delaying the end of the show if we're going to walk right into security.

[1:22:17] And then the hell's angels show up and escort Elliot out.

[1:22:20] Yeah. Before we end, I do want to thank our producer, Alex Smith.

[1:22:25] He goes by the name HowlDotty all over the Internet.

[1:22:29] You can find his new rock album over at Bandcamp.

[1:22:33] Look it up. But that's it for The Flop House.

[1:22:36] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:22:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:22:41] And I'm Ellie Galen.

[1:22:43] Bye. Au revoir.

[1:22:48] I was watching most of the movie on the treadmill and and I just I'm like, let me let me try out doing voice dictation on the notes app.

[1:23:03] So I'm like, under Paris, new line, there's a shark, new line, new line.

[1:23:11] Then why is it I transcribe my notes on a set of guest checks?

[1:23:14] Because I want to I feel like it'll give off the vibe that I'm like a diner waitress.

[1:23:19] Yeah, sure. Interesting.

[1:23:20] Yeah. OK, honey, really?

[1:23:22] Leaning into the visuals of the thing that mostly isn't there's going to be like, that's the thing.

[1:23:28] I'm really, you know, one of these one of these little social media clips is really going to hit.

[1:23:33] Thanks, Zoom. It's the moon.

[1:23:36] Maximum fun, a worker owned network of artists owned shows supported directly by you.

Ep.#429 - Under Paris

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