FH Mini 108 - 1% Visible

[0:00] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:07] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:09] They call me Elliot Kalin out on the wasteland.

Stuart Wellington

[0:13] Oh, wow.

[0:13] Interesting.

[0:14] I mean, do you have any, is there any other like element to it or is it just Elliot Kalin?

[0:18] Like is it Elliot the Killer Kalin?

[0:20] Is it Elliot Cannibal Kalin?

Elliott Kalan

[0:22] Nope, just Elliot Kalin.

[0:23] Yeah, I mean out in the post-apocalyptic blasted nuclear desolate wasteland that is the future world.

[0:30] Just call me Elliot Kalin.

Dan McCoy

[0:31] Wow, we are introducing a very dramatic element that's not going to be addressed throughout the rest of the mini.

Elliott Kalan

[0:37] Oh, yeah, I call that Garfield, Dan.

[0:40] You introduce an element at the beginning and it's not addressed in the rest of the mini.

Dan McCoy

[0:43] It linked.

[0:44] All right.

[0:45] Hey, guess what?

[0:46] I'm in charge again.

[0:47] Oh, man.

[0:48] So buckle up.

[0:49] Uh-oh.

[0:51] Hey, everyone.

[0:52] Somebody lost a bet.

[0:53] Mm-hmm.

[0:55] Over at a little show, another podcast called 99% Invisible.

[1:00] Never heard of it.

[1:01] Elliot Kalin has been hosting a book club for The Power Broker by Rob Caro.

[1:04] Oh, that's what I meant.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] That's where they call me Elliot Kalin is over at the 99% Invisible podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09] Was there ever a moment when they were thinking about just calling it 1% Invisible?

Dan McCoy

[1:14] Well, you've leapt ahead to part of my thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:20] Stuart, I love it.

[1:21] Great minds.

[1:21] I can't help it.

[1:22] You love it.

[1:22] Why don't you see it?

Dan McCoy

[1:23] We'll get there.

[1:25] But maybe that's a sign to let some more of this intro proceed unimpeded.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] Sure, yeah.

[1:34] Yeah.

[1:34] When do we do that?

[1:35] Never.

[1:36] But let's try it.

[1:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:38] So The Power Broker, of course, a terrific book.

[1:41] One of the great works of biography, of history.

[1:44] Also, a very long book.

[1:46] One that sort of became a status symbol during COVID.

[1:50] There are a lot of articles and stuff about Zoom calls, people prominently displaying the power broker behind them.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56] Dan could also be describing Johnny Tremaine if you think about it.

[1:59] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[1:59] Well, it's not that long a book, though, Johnny Tremaine.

[2:02] Well, it is a biography.

[2:03] It's not a biography.

[2:04] I mean, it's kind of history.

[2:06] It's historical fiction.

[2:07] It's a novel.

Dan McCoy

[2:08] Yeah.

[2:09] So that's The Power Broker, of course.

Elliott Kalan

[2:11] And they should call that book Johnny Deformed.

Dan McCoy

[2:14] Just a...

[2:15] There's a joke here.

[2:16] It's a trollback.

[2:17] Just to steal other jokes.

Elliott Kalan

[2:19] Simpsons callback.

[2:21] Callback.

[2:22] Is that what it's called?

[2:25] Yeah.

[2:25] We're The Simpsons, right?

Dan McCoy

[2:26] Yeah.

[2:27] The 99% Invisible Power Broker series, of course, has been listed in some best of podcast lists recently.

[2:35] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[2:35] So I thought...

[2:36] Guilty as charged.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] We got a draft on a little of that action over here.

[2:40] We've had an Elliot Kalen on our show for years.

Elliott Kalan

[2:44] What has it gotten you?

[2:45] Nothing.

Dan McCoy

[2:45] Exactly.

[2:46] And so, you know, in our position as goofus to 99% Invisible Gallant, you know, they cover the 99%.

[2:56] As Stuart said, this is going to be our 1% Invisible podcast.

[3:00] Nice.

[3:01] The Bizarro World Power Broker episode.

[3:05] Because The Power Broker is about a very long, very smart book, I went through my collection to find a short, dumb book.

[3:13] One of the shortest, dumbest books I have on the bookshelf.

[3:16] And what I came up with is this book.

[3:18] It's called...

[3:20] I'm putting it up for the camera, so we'll probably cut this out.

[3:23] It says Dinosaur Joke Book.

[3:24] It's called Dinosaur Joke Book.

Stuart Wellington

[3:26] Yeah.

[3:27] Alex, take a screenshot of this.

[3:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:29] And then mail it to yourself with a picture of today's date.

[3:32] Yeah.

[3:32] Picture of today's date?

[3:33] Yeah.

[3:34] Picture of today's date.

[3:34] We got your joke book.

[3:37] Give us $10 million.

Elliott Kalan

[3:39] We're going to save you a page a day until you give us the money.

Stuart Wellington

[3:42] But we won't give you the punchline, just the joke, and it'll drive you mad.

[3:47] That's called a setup.

Dan McCoy

[3:49] Oh.

[3:50] That's why it's called a setup.

[3:52] A little background about this book.

[3:54] You know.

[3:56] Is that necessary?

[3:58] This audio book club series of one in which we will explore the Dinosaur Joke Book.

[4:03] This is the Flophouse Breakdown Dinosaur Joke Book.

Stuart Wellington

[4:06] Dan's like, it was a purchase.

[4:07] I only read it so I could get a little pizza sticker on my pizza cover.

Dan McCoy

[4:12] Actually, this was given to me one Christmas by my brother, John McCoy, who I think gave

[4:18] it to me because he also found it dumb.

[4:23] So it's by Sam Berman, who I assume did both the text and illustrations.

[4:28] I mean, I said did the text.

[4:29] You'll see a lot of these are street jokes.

[4:32] But he's the only listed author.

Elliott Kalan

[4:34] Yeah, but you want kids to learn them from a book, not out on the street.

[4:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:38] Published by Grosset and Dunlap in 1969.

[4:42] You know, we're going to have a, as I said, we're going to have a little book club.

[4:46] We've got two Emmy-winning comedy writers.

[4:49] We got a bartender here who I assume has heard a lot of jokes in his day.

[4:53] And told a lot of jokes, yeah.

[4:55] And of course, Elliot's a dinosaur expert.

[4:57] So as we discuss, you know, I thought we could evaluate with an eye towards.

Stuart Wellington

[5:01] We've lost him over another dinosaur expert, but that's fine.

Elliott Kalan

[5:03] I think Stuart proved when we were in Oxford that he doesn't know dingus about dinosaurs.

[5:09] Whoa, Elliot, calm down.

[5:10] He did.

Stuart Wellington

[5:11] He did a presentation.

[5:12] I don't want to get this podcast rated X.

Dan McCoy

[5:15] Presentation entirely built to troll Elliot about his bad dino.

[5:19] Yeah, about my love of dinosaurs.

[5:20] Info.

[5:21] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[5:21] It's amazing to think that as man was landing on the moon, Sam Berman was accumulating these dinosaur jokes from publication.

Dan McCoy

[5:28] You know, but I thought we could discuss, because of, you know, our simple talents, we could discuss these with an eye towards comedy, dinosaur accuracy, historical significance, you know, and how maybe the art enhances our experience of the joke, so forth.

[5:48] These sorts of elements.

Elliott Kalan

[5:49] That'll be perfect for this audio medium.

[5:51] Mm-hmm.

[5:52] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Well, we can describe it.

[5:55] You know, we'll paint a word picture.

[5:57] We'll have to use a thousand words, Dan.

[5:59] That's the going right for a picture.

[6:01] Yeah.

[6:01] Well, that's, yeah, that's what the inflation rate goes to, or the exchange rate goes to us as writers versus artists.

[6:10] That's what makes us, so we won't be, of course, reading all of this book out of copyright reasons, and, of course, respect for the late Sam Berman, who, you'd be interested in his prolific career as an illustrator.

[6:25] He designed the titles for Nothing Sacred and many other movies of the 30s.

Elliott Kalan

[6:31] Oh, so he goes back, so he was well into his career when he did this to Mr. Joe book.

Dan McCoy

[6:34] Yes, yes.

[6:34] He co-created Esky, the mascot for Esquire magazine.

[6:40] I didn't know they had one.

[6:41] Yeah, what's it look like, Dan?

Stuart Wellington

[6:42] It looks kind of like a—

Dan McCoy

[6:44] Like a little alien?

[6:46] It looks kind of like the Pringles guy, like an early version of the Pringles guy with more, like, bug-eyed eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[6:51] That's what I think of when I think of Esquire magazine is the Italian immigrant experience immortalized on the Pringles can.

Dan McCoy

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:58] He also, some of his other book work includes Pixie Pete's Christmas Party.

[7:04] Oh, sure.

[7:04] And illustrations for something called Sullivan Bites News, Perverse News Items.

Stuart Wellington

[7:11] Real quick, I want to go tug at a thread here.

[7:14] So, the Pringles can, that guy's Italian?

[7:16] What's the deal there?

[7:17] Yeah, I didn't—

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] Yeah, that was news to me as well.

[7:19] I mean, he always looks Italian to me.

[7:20] Maybe I'm wrong.

[7:21] Oh, okay.

[7:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:23] There's no more Italian food than a potato chip.

Elliott Kalan

[7:27] I don't know if he is canonically Italian.

[7:28] Maybe that's me being a little racist.

[7:31] But when I see a big handlebar mustache on a—

[7:34] Yeah, Mario taught you that that means Italian.

Dan McCoy

[7:36] Yeah, on a cartoon figure.

[7:37] I assume they're Italian, yeah.

[7:39] I just kind of looked at that as, like, high class.

[7:42] Well, let's take a look at this website.

[7:44] The complete history of the Pringles logo.

[7:46] Penny bag style mustache.

[7:48] Sure, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:49] That's possible, too.

[7:50] So, you're saying that they're saying potato chips are the snack of millionaires.

Dan McCoy

[7:54] They're the food of the ruling class.

[7:59] Have you found anything about the Pringles?

[8:00] I realized I had stopped talking because I was waiting with bated breath for your Pringles report.

Elliott Kalan

[8:05] I'm looking at this article now, which covers the history of Pringles.

[8:08] No mention of Gene Wolfe, the inventor of the machine that made the Pringles, as well as author, of course, of the—

[8:14] Wait, really?

[8:15] —the Book of the New Sun.

[8:15] Yeah.

[8:16] Yeah.

[8:16] So, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[8:17] So, all his books are in first person.

[8:20] When he invented that, was that also in first person?

Elliott Kalan

[8:23] I think anything he did in his life, I believe, was in first person.

[8:26] Yeah.

[8:27] Yeah.

[8:27] That's pretty cool.

[8:28] I was mentioning a television commercial with Brad Pitt in the 80s, but where is the—

[8:33] Hmm, I'm not seeing much about the meaning of the logo.

Stuart Wellington

[8:35] Just Google Pringles guy ethnicity.

Dan McCoy

[8:37] Yeah.

[8:38] Google Pringles guy feet.

[8:41] See if that comes up with anything for you.

[8:43] I mean, that's going to answer a lot of questions.

Elliott Kalan

[8:46] Nationality, let's say.

[8:47] Yeah.

[8:47] Oh, okay.

[8:48] Pringles guy nationality.

[8:49] Uh-huh.

[8:50] The history behind the mascot.

[8:51] Okay, this is a different article.

[8:53] Well, I think that we'll have to back burner this for—

[8:56] Okay.

[8:56] Has a name.

[8:57] Hold on.

[8:58] Yeah.

[8:59] Let's see.

[9:00] Guys, Dan, you just start.

[9:01] I'll do a little bit more research on this.

[9:02] I'll pretend I'm listening to you.

Dan McCoy

[9:03] Okay, because I feel like at this point, you make fun of me for Garfield, but this has

[9:08] now become officially a Pringles cast.

[9:10] But I do want to say, I call this a dumb book.

[9:15] The jokes are dumb.

[9:16] They do have some lovely illustrations by this longtime illustrator.

[9:19] So, you know, I don't know.

[9:21] Look it up in your local library if you want to.

Elliott Kalan

[9:23] Oh, the mustache is meant to imitate or approximate the shape of the Pringle.

[9:27] His name is Julius Pringle.

[9:29] That is—

[9:29] Or Julius Pringles.

[9:30] Oh, okay.

[9:31] Madness.

Stuart Wellington

[9:32] I would not—

[9:32] Wait, his last name is Pringles?

[9:35] According to this article, yes.

[9:37] I mean, we have to check our sources on this, but—

Dan McCoy

[9:39] I don't look at that mustache and think those look like two potato chips.

[9:44] But I guess that's why I'm not a brilliant graphic designer, because I can't make these

[9:49] connections.

Elliott Kalan

[9:50] I'm still not seeing a backstory for Julius Pringles, though.

[9:52] So, readers, if you have any information about it, write in.

Stuart Wellington

[9:56] Elliot, do Pringles guy deviant art.

Elliott Kalan

[9:58] Google that.

[9:59] Okay.

[10:00] I don't know about it.

[10:00] Dan, you go keep reading.

[10:01] I'm going to—

[10:02] Keep doing your thing.

[10:03] I'm going to read another article about this.

[10:04] Oh, God.

Dan McCoy

[10:05] Yeah, that's what I want.

[10:06] An unengaged co-host.

Stuart Wellington

[10:08] I mean, he's pretty engaged with his computer right now.

Dan McCoy

[10:11] Yeah, he seems—

Elliott Kalan

[10:12] Finally, this article at least mentions, and engineer Gene Wolfe created the machine

[10:15] used for making the chips.

[10:16] Finally.

[10:16] Thank God.

Dan McCoy

[10:19] He was going to be robbed of his place in history.

Elliott Kalan

[10:22] Oh, it's possible that Julius Pringles is not actually his real name.

[10:26] Might be a hoax.

Stuart Wellington

[10:27] Do you think Gene Wolfe wrote, like, a loving backstory for Julius Pringles?

Elliott Kalan

[10:31] My guess is that when he was describing the Pringle machine to somebody, he was using such elaborate,

[10:36] antiquated language that they just said, build it yourself.

[10:38] We don't know how to do this.

[10:39] We can't understand.

Dan McCoy

[10:40] So, 1% visible.

[10:42] The first joke here.

[10:45] Okay.

[10:45] We've got a dino talking to a young boy sitting on his back.

[10:53] Right away, I see Elliot furrowing his brow.

Elliott Kalan

[10:56] I mean, right off the bat, that's your number one factual inaccuracy about dinosaurs,

[10:59] is that they ever encountered human beings at all, or vice versa.

Dan McCoy

[11:03] Separated by tens of billions of years.

[11:05] But, anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[11:06] What kind of dinosaur is it?

[11:08] If they have two brains, they can figure out a human language.

[11:10] They don't have two brains, Stuart.

[11:11] They also don't have two brains.

Dan McCoy

[11:12] Yeah?

[11:13] I'll show you the illustration in a moment once I'm done describing it.

[11:15] So, this dino is talking to this boy on his back.

[11:18] The dino says, I'm glad they named me Maxwell.

[11:21] The boy says, why are you glad, Maxwell?

[11:24] And the dino says, because that's what everyone calls me.

[11:28] So, this, I think, introduces...

[11:29] That's a good joke.

[11:30] I like that joke.

[11:31] It introduces an interesting philosophical question about the nature of names.

[11:36] You know, whether a name makes someone or...

[11:39] So, here you see...

[11:40] So, it's a sauropod of some kind.

[11:41] A small sauropod.

[11:42] A chimerosaur.

[11:43] Yeah.

[11:43] It's like a baby secret of the lost legend right there.

Elliott Kalan

[11:46] Yes.

[11:47] Very much a baby secret of the lost legend.

[11:49] Yeah.

[11:49] A little foot.

[11:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:50] A two-tone printing style.

[11:53] They've got black and kind of a...

[11:55] Very 60s.

[11:56] Yeah.

[11:56] Orange.

Elliott Kalan

[11:56] Little foot is one of those long necks, right?

[11:59] Yes.

[11:59] Little foot is a long neck.

[12:00] Yeah.

[12:01] They love portmanteau compound words.

[12:04] I guess they're not even portmanteaus.

[12:05] They're just compound words.

Dan McCoy

[12:06] Elliot, as a dino expert, how accurate is that this dinosaur would be named Maxwell?

Elliott Kalan

[12:13] Yeah.

[12:13] That's pretty good.

[12:14] I mean, as far as I know, dinosaurs being animals do not have names.

[12:17] They may have been maybe identified by their scent more than anything else.

[12:21] We have given them species names, but it is only man, as far as we know, among all the

[12:25] animals that feels the need to label and thus possess the things around him.

[12:29] To everything else, all other animals and organisms, it seems what is merely is what is

[12:34] and does not need a word to make it real, but in fact, simply is reality.

[12:41] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[12:41] Yeah.

[12:42] Yeah.

[12:42] No, I mean, that's quality joke book notation.

[12:45] Straight to the heart of what makes this joke so profound.

[12:52] Let's move on to another joke.

[12:55] Not that I think we've exhausted the rich text that is this.

Elliott Kalan

[12:58] No, I feel like there's a lot more to say about Maxwell and his name.

[13:01] I mean, what it is, that joke, to say about the joke, it's working in a rich vein of tradition,

[13:06] which is confusing what a name is for and the idea of a name and an item that you see in

[13:11] the work of Lewis Carroll in Through the Looking Glass when the White Knight is talking about the song that he sings.

[13:16] And he's saying, the song is called, the name is called this, but the name is this.

Dan McCoy

[13:21] You know, this brings up an interesting point, which is that, Elliot, have you written this book?

[13:26] Is it completed or are you still in the course of writing a book about jokes?

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] Oh, you're talking about my book, Joke Farming?

[13:32] Yes.

[13:32] Which will someday come out from the University of Chicago Press.

[13:34] I have written it.

[13:36] It is in the peer review process right now because it's an academic text.

[13:39] I'm hoping to get those notes back this summer because I'd like the book to be published next year.

[13:43] That must be really tough for you.

[13:44] Keep a lookout for Joke Farming.

[13:45] It's my book about joke writing from the University of Chicago Press.

Stuart Wellington

[13:47] It must be tough for you for people to try and find peers for you because you were so funny, Elliot.

[13:53] Thank you.

[13:54] You were peerless.

[13:54] Peerless.

Elliott Kalan

[13:55] Yeah.

[13:56] Outstanding.

[13:57] Yeah, I can never be found guilty in joke court because they can't.

[14:00] I can't find 12 peers.

[14:02] Impossible.

[14:03] That deserve to judge me.

Dan McCoy

[14:05] Now, do you think one of these notes is going to be that there's not enough about the dinosaur joke book and the jokes found within?

[14:11] Probably, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:12] I think probably the fact that I was not aware of this joke book until now means I have to tear up the book and rewrite from scratch now that I found this new cavalcade.

Dan McCoy

[14:21] Now, Elliot, you're going to have to help me with this next word.

[14:25] Mm-hmm.

[14:26] It's trackadon.

[14:28] Let me see it.

[14:29] It's a – hold on.

[14:32] Let me – I have to – it's a very large book, so I have to wrangle it around my –

[14:35] It's a lady tone.

[14:36] It's a grimoire.

Elliott Kalan

[14:37] Yeah, trackadon.

[14:38] Yeah.

[14:38] Okay.

[14:40] I saw the setup was how do you keep a trackadon from smelling.

Dan McCoy

[14:43] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[14:44] I assume the punchline is something about cutting off his nose.

Dan McCoy

[14:46] You have a dino.

[14:48] Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

[14:49] We have a dino looking down quizzically at, again, cavemen who would not be alive.

[14:56] Mm-hmm.

[14:58] A mom talking to the son.

[15:00] It looks like the – it's hard to say who's speaking, whether it's the son or the mom.

[15:05] They both have their mouths open.

[15:07] Um, there's another dinosaur at the side who looks like sort of a dog dinosaur in the Flintstones vein.

Elliott Kalan

[15:13] Yeah.

[15:13] Is that the trackadon?

[15:14] Like, so what's its skull look like?

[15:17] Because a trackadon is a duckbill dinosaur.

[15:19] Yeah.

[15:19] It's a very –

[15:19] These are duckbill dinosaurs.

Dan McCoy

[15:21] Okay.

[15:22] I think they're actually meant to be the same dinosaur, but they look very different, the one at the top and the bottom.

[15:26] But, uh –

Stuart Wellington

[15:26] Well, I'm guessing one might be older or larger.

[15:29] Mm-hmm.

[15:29] One looks like it has a flat top.

[15:30] Male or female.

[15:31] Maybe one got plastic surgery.

[15:33] Yeah, yeah.

[15:35] One of them committed a lot of crimes, and the only way they could hide out, like Parker, is by paying for a black market plastic surgeon to change your face.

[15:44] However –

[15:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[15:45] Of course, that doesn't work out perfectly for Parker.

[15:48] You can't trust that black market plastic surgeon.

[15:50] Yeah.

[15:50] And he ends up having to kill more people.

[15:52] Look up.

[15:52] Exactly.

[15:53] Any number of – you could watch Point Blank, Payback.

[15:56] I think there's other versions of the same story.

Elliott Kalan

[15:59] Yeah, yeah.

[15:59] That's some early Parker stuff.

[16:01] We're talking later Parker.

[16:02] Oh, later Parker.

[16:03] There's that – what's the name of the – why am I forgetting it?

[16:05] The Dark Passage in that movie.

[16:08] It's the same basic thing.

[16:09] The guy gets his face changed, and he's Humphrey Bogart, which is not a surprise because you've heard Humphrey Bogart's voice narrating the movie up to that point.

[16:16] Uh-huh.

[16:17] But, yeah.

[16:18] Well, speaking of Parker.

[16:19] How is the Parker books be different, Stuart, if he was a Trachodon instead of a human being?

Stuart Wellington

[16:24] That would actually be really interesting because I don't think a Trachodon is a career criminal.

[16:28] No, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[16:29] There is that one book where there's a Velociraptor who puts on a human suit and solves crimes.

[16:33] He's somehow survived till now.

Stuart Wellington

[16:35] True.

[16:36] That is a really cool Parker book.

[16:37] I like that one.

[16:38] Yeah.

[16:38] Because Parker finally meets his match.

[16:40] Normally, you know, he's a little bit too tough and cool.

[16:42] But finally, when he meets this Velociraptor hiding in a human suit.

[16:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:47] Go on.

[16:47] And speaking of Parker, I'm surprised you two aren't nosy Parkers to find out the nose-based comedy.

[16:53] Yeah, let's find out.

[16:54] Yeah.

[16:55] Punchline here.

[16:56] How do you keep a Trachodon from smelling?

[16:57] Yes, Elliot, you got it.

[16:59] Try cutting off his nose.

[17:00] And there's a kind of a…

[17:02] They don't do it, do they?

[17:03] …graphic picture.

[17:05] Not graphic of the, like, violence of the nose.

[17:07] You see the aftermath of the bandaged.

[17:09] Yeah, horrible.

[17:10] Bandaged face.

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] I mean, to be honest, this is pretty similar to the Parker story.

[17:16] Exactly.

[17:16] Yeah, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:17] It's very, like, noir type, you know, like something that, like, out of a Brian Azzarello comic.

Dan McCoy

[17:23] Yeah, yeah.

[17:23] Very much so.

[17:24] Very cruel of these primitive men that they're cutting off the nose to keep it from smelling,

[17:32] not to eat or provide shelter or any of the basic needs of humans.

[17:37] I mean, the dinosaur's nose is only so big.

[17:39] I don't think he could make a shelter.

[17:41] I don't know.

[17:41] Yeah, but, like, if you get a bunch of them, they'd be like shingles.

[17:44] That's true.

[17:45] I'm just saying that this seems to be an act of pure spite on the…

[17:48] True.

[17:49] …on the Neanderthal.

Stuart Wellington

[17:50] Which is usually why you cut off noses, right?

[17:52] For spite.

Elliott Kalan

[17:53] Yeah, well, to spite faces, certainly.

[17:55] Your own or others.

Dan McCoy

[17:56] Now, I know I said Neanderthal there, and that's probably incorrect.

[18:00] But, you know, we're living in a world where dinos and humans live together, so…

Elliott Kalan

[18:05] I mean, Neanderthals and humans lived side by side for… and modern humans for many years, many thousands of years.

[18:12] Yeah.

[18:12] So, if one of them is going to meet dinosaurs, probably they're going to say, hey, buddy, come along and meet this dinosaur with me, you know?

[18:17] Yeah, what is it like?

[18:18] No, I just didn't know whether scientifically…

Dan McCoy

[18:19] I mean, typically, that's the same as what we would colloquially call a caveman, which is, you know, the Flintstone-style caveman we see here.

Elliott Kalan

[18:26] Well, probably not.

[18:28] Your Flintstone-style cavemen are probably early Homo sapiens, but they would have lived side by side with, traded with, and had sex with the living Neanderthals at the time.

[18:37] They were, you know, there were other… and they're Denisovans.

[18:39] There are other species of humans that existed at the same time, and maybe they're around.

Stuart Wellington

[18:44] And sometimes they have, like, a club that has, like, gadgets inside it, and their entire body's covered in fur.

Elliott Kalan

[18:50] Yeah, that's what we call the Homo captainus cavemanus.

[18:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:55] Hey, GM, do you have this kind of discussion, Rome and Mars?

[18:58] I don't think so.

[19:00] No, that's true.

[19:00] I'd love to learn about the design of Captain Caveman.

Elliott Kalan

[19:04] While I'm Rome and Mars, my discussion's like, we got to get back to the Mars base.

[19:07] We're running out of oxygen and food.

Dan McCoy

[19:10] Yeah.

[19:10] See, we're like the missing piece.

[19:12] No, like, 99% invisible is not complete without the tomfoolery that we can provide with our…

[19:18] I mean, Roman might disagree, sure, but yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:21] Here we go.

[19:23] This one…

Dan McCoy

[19:24] So, here we have a primitive cave artist…

[19:28] Sure.

[19:29] …who is painting on the wall…

[19:32] That's what they did.

[19:33] Very accurate.

[19:34] Painting a big orange dinosaur with a bunch of sort of human figures around it in black.

[19:44] And I'm not sure who's asking this.

[19:45] In black, just like the hit caveman song.

[19:48] A small child and a small dinosaur stand before this artist.

[19:52] And I'll show you the picture.

[19:54] Hold on.

[19:55] Hold on.

[19:55] This is for…

[19:56] You know, the story time for people here, and then it's…

[20:00] Yeah.

[20:00] No, it looks really good.

[20:01] Wait, I couldn't quite see it.

Elliott Kalan

[20:02] Dan, can you put it up again?

[20:03] I couldn't quite see it.

[20:04] Yeah, sorry.

[20:05] So, this is another…

[20:06] Oh, he's painting a sauropod.

[20:08] Yeah?

[20:08] Mm-hmm.

[20:09] And he looks embarrassed, like, uh-oh, you caught me.

Dan McCoy

[20:13] Yeah, and he asks, which has more legs, a dinosaur or no dinosaur?

[20:21] Which has more legs, a dinosaur or no dinosaur?

[20:24] There's going to be some kind of trick in here.

[20:26] Yeah.

[20:27] There might be some sort of…

[20:28] Does no mean like New Orleans dinosaur?

Stuart Wellington

[20:30] What?

[20:31] Nothing.

Elliott Kalan

[20:32] That's a joke exclusively for my wife.

[20:33] Yeah, New Orleans dinosaur, yeah.

[20:35] Because it's in the Mardi Gras parade.

[20:37] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[20:39] Well, I'll just answer this question for you because I can see you're stumped.

[20:42] Yeah, we're stumped.

[20:43] It says, no dinosaur.

[20:45] No dinosaur has eight legs.

[20:47] A dinosaur has four.

[20:49] What the fuck?

[20:50] This kid.

[20:50] Because there is no dinosaur that has eight legs.

[20:55] But a dinosaur does have four legs.

[20:57] I think my delivery confused the matter before, but the point is…

[21:03] This is why it's best experienced as text.

[21:07] This has so delighted the tiny little dinosaur that it has collapsed the floor in gales of laughter.

[21:14] And I'll show you that charming illustration.

Stuart Wellington

[21:18] Presumably it's happy that it's not getting its legs chopped off or something.

[21:21] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:21] Since it knows that it's with these brutal savages, these human beings that are just chopping parts off of dinosaurs.

[21:28] Mm-hmm.

[21:28] But what I like is that joke…

[21:30] Do all the jokes justify two pages?

[21:32] Do they all get two pages, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[21:34] There's a lot of one-pagers.

Elliott Kalan

[21:38] But that one, Berman was like, this is a two-pager.

[21:41] This joke is going to be so funny that it justifies taking up two pages.

Dan McCoy

[21:45] Now, that's an editorial decision you have to make about the element of surprise when it comes to the joke.

[21:54] You know, is it better served in a big gulp?

[21:56] Or do you want to have that pregnant pause in between where you have to turn the page?

[22:00] Yeah, let me…

Elliott Kalan

[22:00] And usually it was sort of like a sugary drink in a big gulp, in a lot of it.

Stuart Wellington

[22:04] I was going to break it down in terms that Elliot understands.

[22:08] So, it's like as if…

[22:09] If you open up the book, Monster, at the end of this book…

[22:13] Yeah.

[22:13] And it was just like, it's Grover.

[22:16] It's not going to be funny.

[22:17] It's a good one.

[22:18] You got to read the whole thing.

[22:19] It would be the purpose of the book.

Dan McCoy

[22:20] But that's because we have, you know, years of history with the book, Monster, at the end of this book.

[22:25] Yeah.

[22:25] But, yeah, it would confuse and dismay anyone who bought it.

[22:30] Yeah, because you'd be like, what else is…

Stuart Wellington

[22:31] How many more pages are…

[22:32] They're just blank?

[22:33] Can I write on them?

[22:34] No?

[22:35] Yeah.

[22:35] Am I supposed to make my own book now?

[22:37] With a clear coat to keep my pen from making marks?

Dan McCoy

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:40] At the end, Grover's just like, as promised.

[22:43] I'm back.

[22:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:46] What I read about that book…

[22:48] I mean, the Monster, at the end of this book, is a brilliantly designed book.

[22:52] And what I read was that it was supposed to teach kids how to read and finish a book.

[22:55] So, it's literally about the mechanics of turning pages and how turning one leads you to the next until you get to the end of the book.

[23:02] It's such a brilliantly put together book.

Stuart Wellington

[23:04] Yeah.

[23:04] And he, like…

[23:05] And Grover, he, like, loses his shit, right?

[23:08] He does.

[23:09] He doesn't want you to keep turning these pages.

[23:11] He is so scared.

Elliott Kalan

[23:13] There's another one he does with Elmo, too.

[23:14] And he has not learned his lesson.

[23:16] He continues to be just, like, so hysterically panicked about getting to the end of the book.

Dan McCoy

[23:21] Guys, did you ever read this…

[23:22] There's this other Grover book about, like, the Museum of Everything or something like that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:26] I like that one, too.

[23:27] That's another one.

Dan McCoy

[23:28] That one's pretty good.

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] What's the deal there?

[23:30] It's not as well known.

Stuart Wellington

[23:31] Is he the monster at the end of the museum?

Elliott Kalan

[23:32] No, he's going through this museum, and it's different rooms with different…

[23:36] Like, things you would look up at, things that are small, things that…

[23:39] And then finally, he's like, but I have not yet seen everything.

[23:42] And there's…

[23:42] It ends with a door that just leads to the outside world and just says everything.

[23:45] Ah, here's everything.

[23:47] And I think there's something very kind of beautiful about that.

[23:49] Yeah.

[23:49] What is the world but a museum of everything, you know?

[23:52] Mm-hmm.

[23:53] No, it's a good point.

Dan McCoy

[23:54] Uncategorized, very poorly curated.

[23:55] A couple of…

[23:56] Mm-hmm.

[23:56] Very philosophical sort of punchlines from Grover.

[23:58] Cruely designed.

Elliott Kalan

[24:00] Yeah.

[24:00] Is it a Borges story where there's an emperor who has a collection of every animal on Earth,

[24:04] and he keeps it on the Earth scattered throughout the world, but he considers it his collection?

Dan McCoy

[24:09] Look, I know that it's at heart it's because we didn't grow up with him.

[24:14] Borges?

[24:14] No.

[24:15] I'm going to go back to Grover.

[24:17] Oh.

[24:17] But the reason, I think one of the big reasons people of my generation don't like Elmo is

[24:24] that we're like, we had a perfectly good Grover.

[24:26] Yeah.

[24:27] Grover was great.

[24:28] We did.

[24:28] And then Elmo came and did this all about Eve, you know, like shoved him down the stairs.

[24:31] We don't need this real little kid Grover.

Elliott Kalan

[24:34] You know, that was the original song, that My Generation song?

[24:36] Talking about my generation.

[24:38] People think we need an Elmo.

[24:43] We think Grover was just fine.

[24:47] Dang, you were right.

[24:47] Younger kids think like their Elmo.

[24:50] Yeah, he does.

[24:50] I thought he hated it.

[24:52] But Grover, I consider him mine.

[24:56] My generation.

[24:57] That was a real song.

Dan McCoy

[24:59] Yeah.

[25:00] My Groveration.

[25:01] He's great.

Elliott Kalan

S4

[25:10] Hello, Sleepyheads.

[25:11] Hello, Sleepyheads.

S4

[25:11] Sleeping with Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal.

[25:15] We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics.

[25:19] We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain and drift off to sleep.

[25:23] For instance, the remarkable actor Alan Tudyk.

Stuart Wellington

[25:27] You hand somebody a yardstick after they've shopped at your general store.

[25:31] The store's name is constantly in your heart because yardsticks become part of the family.

S4

[25:36] Sleeping with Celebrities.

[25:37] Hosted by me, John Moe, on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[25:44] Night-night.

[25:46] The following are real reenactments of pretend emergency calls.

[25:51] 911.

[25:52] My husband.

[25:54] It's my husband.

[25:54] Calm down, please.

[25:55] What about your husband?

[25:56] He loads the dishwasher wrong.

[25:59] Please help.

[26:00] Please help me.

[26:02] Where are you now, ma'am?

[26:03] At the kitchen table.

[26:04] I was with my dad.

[26:05] He mispronounced his words.

[26:07] There are plenty of podcasts on the hunt for justice, but only one podcast has the courage to take on the silly crimes.

[26:17] Judge John Hodgman, the only true crime podcast that won't leave you feeling sad and bad and scared for once.

[26:23] Only on MaximumFun.org.

Dan McCoy

[26:26] Hey there, dedicated Flophouse listeners.

[26:28] By now you've probably heard about our next streaming show, Three Men in a Hallie.

[26:34] Look, I'm sorry we hit these things so hard, but it's only because of the show.

[26:37] Because we're proud of them.

[26:39] I think we put together a great live show, and we love the way the people at StagePilot make these things look.

[26:46] So we hope that you might join us to watch it.

[26:50] What is it?

[26:51] If you haven't heard about it already, well, we did a live show.

[26:54] We talked about Three Men and a Baby.

[26:56] Hallie Haglund was there.

[26:58] It was great.

[26:59] We had a team of dedicated professional cameramen, editors, lighters put this together.

[27:07] It looks cool.

[27:09] And you can watch it with us Sunday, August 4th.

[27:12] That's the live sort of event part of it.

[27:16] But also, if you don't see it then, if you get a ticket, you can watch it for two weeks thereafter.

[27:22] As many times as you might like.

[27:25] So, like I said, we talked about Three Men and a Baby.

[27:28] Elliot did a presentation about shitty 80s men.

[27:31] Stuart talked about turtles for some reason.

[27:34] I did possible reboots of Three Men as a presentation.

[27:38] All of those are on there.

[27:39] Usually, when you see a show or listen to a show, sorry, in the feed, you don't get those presentations.

[27:45] But here, you get to see the live PowerPoints that are honestly kind of my favorite part of the show.

[27:50] Go over to flophousepodcast.com slash events.

[27:54] And that'll take you to the ticket link where if you're interested to get VIP tickets, that gets you a chat with us one-on-one.

[28:03] You also get a limited print that is signed and numbered by me because I drew it.

[28:08] If you are able to watch on August 4th, we're going to be in the chat.

[28:12] That's the advantage of watching it at the debut time is we're in the chat watching along, responding to people, remembering what we said in real time because it's been a year since we did this show.

[28:25] But again, there's a viewing window if you can't catch it then.

[28:28] So, that's been a longer-than-I-intended reminder about Three Men and a Hallie.

[28:33] But I hope you can go over to flophousepodcast.com slash events and get your tickets there.

[28:39] And while you're at flophousepodcast.com, why not sign up for our newsletter?

[28:45] There's a field on the front page where you can just drop your email in there.

[28:49] And then every couple of weeks before the regular full-length shows, you'll get a newsletter written by me.

[28:57] It's got stuff like this that you may miss otherwise, but it's also got essays, funny things, stuff that makes it worth subscribing beyond just keeping up on Flophouse News.

[29:10] So, we hope you can do both or either.

[29:13] Anyway, back to this very silly mini.

[29:17] Hey, this one, again, it's two humans talking to each other.

[29:23] One of them appears to have just invented the wheel, or perhaps the wheel has been extant for a while, but he has one.

[29:30] Yeah, he went to the store and bought a wheel.

[29:31] Yeah, in the distance, a brontosaurus looks on, or I guess it's a brachiosaurus because this refers to a brachiosaurus.

[29:39] And it says...

[29:39] Use the clues, yeah.

[29:42] Go ahead and move on.

Stuart Wellington

[29:44] How would you run over a brachiosaurus?

[29:46] What's up there on the cliff with him?

[29:48] Is it a guy holding a saber?

[29:50] How do you...

[29:51] What's going on there?

[29:52] It's got a wheel and a long stick.

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] Maybe that's the axle for the wheel.

[29:56] Now, the brachiosaurus, I'm curious.

[29:59] It's in silhouette in the background, so it's hard to see.

[30:00] Brachiosaurus has a very specific build.

[30:03] Its name means, what, long-arm lizard because its front legs are longer than its back legs.

[30:09] Oh, that's pretty cool.

[30:10] Kind of like me.

[30:12] Yeah, exactly.

[30:13] Like a gorilla or a steward.

[30:15] Yeah.

[30:16] And it's got that bump on its forehead, on its head, so...

[30:19] Kind of like me.

[30:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:22] I, um...

[30:22] So, I don't...

[30:24] Yeah, it's hard to say.

[30:25] It's in the distance.

[30:26] His legs are kind of, or hers, kind of obscured.

[30:30] Good catch.

[30:30] Yeah.

[30:30] By...

[30:31] By the ridge.

[30:31] Let's not assume this brachiosaurus is binary, Dan.

[30:33] Let's just say they're legs.

[30:34] Yeah, no, the brachiosaurus.

[30:36] So, the answer, and this is a three-pager.

[30:39] Jesus.

[30:39] Wow.

[30:39] We need three pages to finish this.

[30:40] Brachiosaurus is a big dinosaur.

[30:42] So, refresh everyone's memory.

[30:43] The setup was, how would you run over a brachiosaurus?

[30:46] And the answer is, I'd start at his tail, run up his back, then his neck, and jump off his head.

[30:53] And so, I think that the wheel is...

[30:55] The wheel is...

[30:55] More good advice, yeah.

[30:57] Yeah, the wheel, I think, is meant as a misdirect to suggest, like, run over as in, like, a car.

[31:02] But, again, back in dinosaur times, I don't think that would be what we would presume.

[31:08] So, instead, of course, we have this illustration of this child running off of the brachiosaurus,

[31:16] kind of doing a reverse Fred Flintstone.

Elliott Kalan

[31:19] It's a pretty delightful drawing, but I think it's a pretty poor joke.

Dan McCoy

[31:22] Yeah.

[31:23] How is it as a representation of the brachiosaurus?

[31:25] Because we talked about this.

[31:26] It's not great.

Elliott Kalan

[31:26] It's the tail, I think, is too long.

[31:28] The head is not quite right.

[31:29] But the front legs are longer than the back legs.

[31:31] But it's kind of sitting down, so it's kind of hard to tell.

Stuart Wellington

[31:33] I do like how the joke plays on our modern sensibilities that all means of conveyance are cars.

[31:39] Yeah.

[31:40] Yeah, that's true.

[31:41] It reminds me of...

[31:42] Oh, Dan, what were you going to say?

Dan McCoy

[31:43] Also, I don't know whether you guys have been sharp enough to catch this yet,

[31:48] but most of these jokes don't require dinosaurs.

Elliott Kalan

[31:51] No, I was thinking that.

[31:53] Yeah, these are...

[31:54] It feels like they are oldies with dinosaurs shoved into them, you know?

Dan McCoy

[31:59] It's the fucking spoonful of sugar, right?

[32:02] To get...

[32:02] Yeah, I mean, Elliot, you know, you got to admit to yourself.

[32:05] You saw that there was a dinosaur joke book when you were a kid.

Elliott Kalan

[32:08] For sure, finally.

[32:09] Someone had made dinosaurs the ultimate serious topic.

[32:12] Funny.

[32:13] Combined your...

[32:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:14] Well, it was like, when I was like, Elliot, you should really watch The Irishman.

[32:17] I think you'd really get a lot out of it.

[32:18] And you're like, I don't know.

[32:19] It seems like a lot of movie.

[32:20] I'm like, there's dinosaurs in it now.

[32:23] And you're like, oh!

[32:23] Oh, watch it!

Elliott Kalan

[32:25] And I'd be so mad as I watch it going, when are the dinosaurs going to show up?

[32:29] I'm two hours and 33 minutes in.

[32:30] There's no dinosaurs yet.

[32:32] And I go, oh, Stuart meant that the elderly people are the dinosaurs in it.

[32:36] I see now.

Stuart Wellington

[32:36] You got it.

[32:37] And the special effects are kind of like dinosaur special effects.

Elliott Kalan

[32:40] Yeah, yeah.

[32:41] He meant the old-fashioned rules of mob violence that they live by is truly the dinosaur.

Stuart Wellington

[32:48] That's exactly what I meant.

[32:49] I'm so glad you picked up on that.

[32:51] That's why we're friends.

Elliott Kalan

[32:52] That was very, very poetic of you.

[32:53] Dan, I'll mention that there is a better and funnier treatment of the idea of caveman car crashes,

[33:00] which is in one of the 2,000-year-old man albums.

[33:03] He talks about being run over by a dinosaur, I think, or run over by – I forgot what it is.

[33:09] I don't know, run over by a man on a saber-toothed tiger or something like that.

[33:12] And he goes, but I didn't have insurance.

[33:14] He didn't have insurance.

[33:15] It was 2,000 years ago.

[33:16] We didn't know.

[33:17] Nobody had these things.

[33:18] It's really a setup for the insurance part.

[33:20] Yeah.

[33:21] I mean, it is astounding.

[33:23] Or maybe he's run over by four men carrying a log.

[33:25] I don't remember exactly what it is.

Dan McCoy

[33:26] It is a tribute to the specific performance and wording skills of those men that they could make that premise work so well for so long.

[33:37] Oh, yeah.

[33:38] It's wonderful.

[33:38] It's essentially just like a guy talking about old stuff sort of with the context of – like with the affect of just like a dude.

[33:49] Like, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[33:50] Well, specifically of an old Jewish man.

[33:53] Yeah.

[33:53] But we did – those jokes still work.

[33:56] Recently, my family went to a weekend of family camp with our Cub Scout troop.

[34:00] My son's –

Stuart Wellington

[34:00] I was worried you were about to say weekend at Bernie's.

[34:02] And I'm like, that is not a family-friendly trip.

Elliott Kalan

[34:04] We went to weekend at Bernie's.

Dan McCoy

[34:05] Especially not the second one with all that like reanimated –

[34:09] They made a second one?

[34:10] Oh, my God.

[34:11] Yeah, we went to Bernie's with one of my dances.

Elliott Kalan

[34:13] Yeah.

[34:16] And there was a night where the campers were putting on skits.

[34:20] And they were like, so if any adults can put on skits.

[34:22] And I'm like, you bet I do.

[34:24] And so I edited together a script from different 2,000-year-old man bits.

[34:29] And my wife played Carl Reiner and I played Mel Brooks.

[34:31] And the jokes went over very well.

[34:33] I was just copying Mel Brooks' delivery.

[34:35] I didn't add my own spin on it.

[34:36] But the jokes went over very well with the kids.

[34:38] And you could tell none of them had heard any of this.

[34:40] They were not familiar with it.

[34:42] And it was like a – I hope I made some young comedians that night.

Dan McCoy

[34:45] So between this and the Simpsons thing, I guess Elliot's just a plagiarist.

[34:50] That's fine.

[34:51] That's the way he –

Elliott Kalan

[34:52] Yeah, because all the jokes in the dinosaur joke book are original.

Dan McCoy

[34:55] Yeah.

[34:58] So speaking of the lack of dinosaurs, this joke has no dinos at all.

[35:04] It's a guy in sort of a toga, a barber figure with what –

[35:10] I guess these are stone scissors because they're kind of blocky

[35:13] and a stone barber pole because it's kind of –

[35:14] I mean, you can make pretty sharp stone weapons.

Elliott Kalan

[35:18] I mean, they were making cutting implements out of stone

[35:20] for thousands and thousands of years.

[35:23] Hand axes.

Dan McCoy

[35:23] I mean, I don't know if these sort of shears would be made out of stone,

[35:26] but I get your point.

Elliott Kalan

[35:29] I mean, if you carved a statue of Rhonda Shear,

[35:32] that would be a shear made of stone.

[35:34] He actually has got you there, Dan.

[35:36] Can you apologize to Elliot?

Dan McCoy

[35:37] Take me away.

[35:38] Take me to death.

[35:40] I will accept that apology in writing, though, later if you want.

[35:44] Yeah, this is fully – just turned into BC at this point.

[35:48] So the barber says to the kid –

[35:50] So it's super Christian?

Elliott Kalan

[35:52] Yeah.

[35:52] Well, early BC.

[35:54] Early BC when it was funny, yeah.

[35:56] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[35:57] The barber says,

[35:58] Your hair needs cutting badly, Sonny.

[36:01] And the kid says,

[36:02] No, it needs cutting nicely.

[36:04] It was cut badly last time.

[36:07] Boom.

[36:08] Nope.

[36:08] It's out of tradition.

[36:09] Here's the –

[36:09] Let's see what it looks like.

[36:11] Here's the picture.

Stuart Wellington

[36:12] Can you hold it up slightly?

[36:13] Yeah.

[36:14] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:14] It does have the barber pole stripes on the stone.

[36:16] Yeah.

[36:17] Kids parse the darndest things.

[36:19] That was what the Alan Parsons project was about.

Dan McCoy

[36:27] Really?

[36:28] Parsing.

[36:30] Yeah.

[36:31] So, again, a wordplay joke.

[36:34] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[36:35] As the father of two young boys, I would imagine this is right up their alley.

[36:40] That kind of a joke.

Elliott Kalan

[36:41] Incredibly so.

[36:42] They love to take a commonly accepted phrase and pick it apart literally in order to act like they're smarter than us.

[36:49] They do the classic, can you do this thing for me?

[36:52] I go, yeah, I'll be there in just a minute.

[36:54] And then they'll go, it's been a minute.

[36:56] Where are you?

[36:57] I'll do it in a second.

Dan McCoy

[36:59] One.

[36:59] Yeah.

[36:59] That's just like what Elliot does.

Elliott Kalan

[37:02] I don't like it when it's done to me.

Dan McCoy

[37:04] I was the father of the man.

Elliott Kalan

[37:07] Well, I mean, truly, I'm the father of these future men.

Stuart Wellington

[37:09] It's a real cats in the cradle situation.

Elliott Kalan

[37:12] Okay.

[37:13] I mean, if cats in the cradle was about the son not just like ignoring his dad the way he was ignored, but also being annoying about it.

[37:22] Like being very irritating about it.

[37:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:25] Now, here's one of the more baffling jokes in the joke book because it introduces the character of Tarzan, a fully different thing.

[37:35] Lord Greystoke.

[37:36] Yeah.

[37:36] A Victorian era character now is known by these.

[37:40] Let's say Edwardian.

[37:42] Sure.

[37:42] But like around that zone.

Elliott Kalan

[37:46] I mean, sure.

[37:47] Late 19th, early 20th century.

[37:49] Yeah, sure.

[37:50] Yeah.

[37:50] What's your favorite film version of Tarzan?

[37:54] Probably the Disney one because that rockin' Phil Collins song.

Dan McCoy

[37:57] That's fair.

[37:59] What's that erotic one with Bo Derek in it?

[38:02] Tarzan the Ape Man.

[38:03] That's what it's called.

[38:04] That's not my favorite.

[38:06] I think the Disney one is probably my favorite.

[38:08] Yeah, it's pretty good.

[38:10] The animation on that is beautiful.

[38:12] It's not like story-wise, it's not sort of up to the bar.

Elliott Kalan

[38:16] And it's not very funny in the comedy stuff, but it does look beautiful.

Stuart Wellington

[38:19] Who's the voice of the bad guy?

[38:20] The voice of the bad guy is somebody cool.

Dan McCoy

[38:23] We'll figure it out.

[38:23] Look it up.

Elliott Kalan

[38:24] I mean, the old Tarzan movies have Maureen O'Sullivan in them, who I love from The Thin Man.

[38:28] You know what?

Dan McCoy

[38:29] Tarzan the Ape Man is a really good one.

[38:33] That's a good one.

[38:36] I'll watch anything with Maureen O'Sullivan in it.

[38:38] With my horny joke about Bo Derek, is that pre-code nudity, or is it just they threw it in?

Stuart Wellington

[38:46] Oh, man.

[38:46] We got Lance Henriksen.

[38:47] It's like a naked swim in that.

[38:48] We got Wayne Knight in the voice talent here.

[38:51] We got Brian Blessed.

[38:52] Uh-oh.

[38:53] Is Brian Blessed the bad guy?

[38:55] I think he might be.

[38:56] Or is he one of the elephants?

[38:57] I don't remember.

[38:58] And Tarzan voiced by Tony Goldwyn.

[39:02] Hell yeah.

[39:03] Baby from Cuffs.

Dan McCoy

[39:03] From Cuffs.

[39:04] That's the main thing I think of.

Stuart Wellington

[39:06] I think of Tony Goldwyn as well.

[39:07] Did you mention Rosie O'Donnell also?

[39:09] Or no?

[39:10] Oh, I didn't mention Rosie O'Donnell.

[39:11] Rosie O'Donnell also.

[39:11] She wasn't even in the top six listed cast.

[39:14] Wow.

[39:15] Yeah.

[39:16] I feel like that's Erasure.

[39:18] Yeah, that is.

[39:20] Starring Arnold Schwarzenegger?

[39:22] Yep, Erasure starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[39:25] Where they sing, what songs do Erasure sing, Dan?

[39:29] Wait, the movie Erasure?

Dan McCoy

[39:31] Oh, that's the band Erasure.

[39:33] Yeah.

[39:33] That's what the movie Erasure is about.

[39:36] They did a cover of Take On Me.

[39:38] The railgun is called Erasure Head, the sequel.

[39:41] Or not Take On Me, sorry.

[39:43] Take On Me was A-Ha.

[39:45] Yeah, I know.

[39:46] What's the opposite?

[39:47] The band that's always surprising you.

Stuart Wellington

[39:48] The thing I love about the movie Erasure is that it's supposed to be

Dan McCoy

[39:52] pants on me.

[39:53] That's what I was trying to think of.

Stuart Wellington

[39:53] Oh, that's cool, yeah.

[39:55] The final fight is like we get to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger fight an old James

[40:01] Kahn, and I'm like, at no point do I think James Kahn's going to win.

[40:05] Like, he's no offense.

[40:06] Like a crocodile, right?

[40:08] There's CGI crocodiles.

[40:09] It was like a very early CGI thing, yeah.

[40:12] And he does say your luggage.

[40:13] And I, man, I laughed my fucking ass off.

[40:17] So, anyway, this is.

[40:20] It would have been more accurate to say your belt and boots.

[40:23] In all cases, sad, because the reptile skin trade is horrible.

[40:29] Oh, it's terrible.

Dan McCoy

[40:30] Yeah, we don't support it, certainly.

[40:32] This is both a curious inclusion in this dinosaur joke book.

[40:37] Including Tarzan, yeah.

[40:38] Putting Tarzan in here, a character that I guess they're just like, I don't know, anyone

[40:42] who wears a loincloth is the same.

Elliott Kalan

[40:44] Or maybe they're trying to tie the dinosaur joke book into Philip Farmer's Wold Newton series

[40:52] of novels, where he connects all the old characters from pulp novels.

[40:55] Maybe that's it.

[40:56] Okay.

[40:56] They want this to be part of it.

Dan McCoy

[40:58] Could be.

[40:59] This appears to be a joke being told to a young child by a stegosaur.

[41:05] And this joke turns on the existence of the character boy in Tarzan.

[41:12] Oh, okay.

[41:13] So.

[41:14] Okay.

[41:14] It also requires some knowledge of Tarzan.

[41:18] Anyway, here we go.

Elliott Kalan

[41:19] If this is coming out for a kid in the 60s, they probably know some stuff about Tarzan.

[41:22] Sure, sure, sure.

[41:22] I'm just.

[41:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[41:24] Again, four dinosaur jokes books.

[41:25] I think they taught that in schools.

[41:26] Yeah.

[41:26] I find this.

[41:27] Tarzan, John Carter of Mars, all that crap.

[41:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:30] That was the English curriculum.

[41:33] Mm-hmm.

[41:34] Here.

[41:34] Have this Doc Savage book, they said, as you walked into your PhD.

[41:38] This is all you need to know.

[41:40] It says, what did Tarzan say to boy when he saw an old stegosaur coming toward them

[41:46] in the forest?

[41:49] And the answer is, oh boy, there's an old stegosaur coming towards us in the forest.

[41:54] And here, of course, visualization of Tarzan delivering that clunker.

[42:00] We don't even get to see the stegosaurus, do we?

[42:02] I guess, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:03] It's just a picture of Tarzan pointing off panel.

Dan McCoy

[42:06] And his monkey pal or chimpanzee, perhaps?

Elliott Kalan

[42:09] Yeah.

[42:10] Cheetah, the chimpanzee.

[42:11] Yeah.

[42:11] Again, that's the kind of thing that all kids at that era would know.

[42:14] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[42:15] So, to me, I mean, do you think Tarzan was just included just so that everyone's like,

[42:21] oh, yeah, Tarzan's in this.

[42:22] I love Tarzan.

Elliott Kalan

[42:24] Maybe.

[42:24] Yeah, they were like, the dinosaurs aren't enough to get kids in.

[42:26] We better throw famous Tarzan in there.

Dan McCoy

[42:28] Well, that's the, you know, far be it for me.

[42:31] I'm sorry.

[42:31] I don't want to besmirch you, Sam Berman.

[42:34] But this one, like, it seems like it's the odd joke out to include this Tarzan joke in here.

[42:41] And perhaps it could be justified if it was the funniest joke in the book, but it is perhaps the weakest.

[42:48] So, I would say editorially, this was a mistake.

Stuart Wellington

[42:51] Do you think it's included to make all the other jokes seem funnier?

[42:54] That's possible.

[42:55] You always got to.

Elliott Kalan

[42:56] You put a dud in there to make the others look like studs.

[42:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[42:59] It's like how at the Daily Show, when we had the one warm-up comic who was mean to the audience,

[43:06] like, the show was a lot better because everyone was primed for John to be nice to them.

Elliott Kalan

[43:11] I mean, that's one of the reasons, too.

[43:12] I mean, it felt like the comic was, he would sacrifice a couple members of the audience

[43:16] in order to get the other members of the audience laughing.

Stuart Wellington

[43:19] And the thing is, if I was in that audience, I 1,000% guarantee he would pick on me.

[43:25] I always get fucking picked on.

Elliott Kalan

[43:26] You do always get picked on.

[43:27] There's something about you that just draws the ire of comedians.

[43:30] I don't know what it is.

Dan McCoy

[43:32] I'm sorry.

[43:33] Stuart, you're sitting next to me, and you're like, there's something about me that always

[43:37] makes me get picked on.

[43:38] Yeah, there's something about me.

Elliott Kalan

[43:40] Well, no, Dan, he gets picked on by comedians.

[43:42] You get picked on by everyone else.

Dan McCoy

[43:45] I guess that's a fair trade.

[43:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:48] So, this…

[43:49] But when you're sitting in a comedy audience, no one touches you.

[43:51] They're like, that guy's had enough.

[43:52] We don't, we don't, that would be cool.

[43:53] Yeah.

[43:54] No, they see one of their own.

Stuart Wellington

[43:56] Yeah.

[43:56] Yeah, they're like, I don't know what he's hiding under that jacket.

[44:01] Like, it might be a machete, Elliot.

[44:02] Come on.

[44:02] Yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:03] Okay.

[44:04] Sure.

[44:06] So, this is a single pager, but it's a two-paneler.

[44:11] So, now we're moving into a comic…

[44:15] Format is out the window at this point.

[44:16] Sequential art, yeah.

[44:17] Yeah, they…

[44:18] And Will Eisner edited this part.

[44:20] Yeah.

[44:21] So, the first picture, the…

[44:26] There's a guy, a caveman talking to a lady caveman.

[44:31] Mm-hmm.

[44:32] Okay.

[44:32] Cave woman.

[44:33] Sure.

[44:34] I guess that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[44:35] Although, if it was a Marvel Comics character, it would be called Lady Caveman.

Dan McCoy

[44:37] Lady Caveman.

[44:38] Or She Caveman.

[44:39] Yeah.

[44:40] That would be amazing.

[44:41] Oh.

[44:42] So, he goes, I love you, Lulu.

[44:45] Will you marry me?

[44:47] She says, have you seen my father?

[44:49] And he says, yes, but I love you just the same.

[44:52] And the last panel, he is carrying her by her hair, having knocked her out in classic…

[45:01] And by…

[45:01] I don't say classic in quality.

[45:02] I mean, it's just an old sexist joke about cavemen.

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] Yeah, yeah.

[45:06] You don't…

[45:07] It's not something you endorse, the dragging of women by the hair.

Dan McCoy

[45:10] Well, I mean, certainly not after she has already agreed to marry you.

[45:14] I don't like the way you put that.

Elliott Kalan

[45:15] You're leaving a little gray area to win someone over by doing that?

Stuart Wellington

[45:19] And if you're going to be dragging her around by her hair, you got to get closer to the scalp

[45:23] or else it's going to hurt.

[45:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[45:26] No, no.

[45:26] I'm not…

[45:27] I'm just going to say, I think the Flophouse podcast is against dragging people around by

[45:30] the hair.

[45:31] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:31] We could come out 100% against that.

[45:33] I wasn't meaning to leave any gray area.

[45:34] It's just even less motivation for this villain is what I'm saying.

Elliott Kalan

[45:39] And so, I don't really…

[45:40] I don't understand the joke.

[45:42] I love you, Lulu.

[45:43] Will you marry me?

[45:44] Have you seen my father?

[45:45] Oh, she means like, have you talked to my father about me?

[45:49] Yes.

[45:49] And he's saying, yes, but I love you anyway.

Dan McCoy

[45:51] This is a double relic of an older time because he also needed to ask for her hand in marriage,

[45:56] even though these are, again, cave people who did not have the societal expectations necessarily.

[46:02] You don't know that.

Stuart Wellington

[46:03] We don't know that.

[46:03] We don't know.

[46:04] Elliot, did you ask your wife's father for permission to ask both of your wife?

Elliott Kalan

[46:10] I did, but it was more of a show of respect to him.

[46:14] I didn't…

[46:15] If he said no, I…

[46:16] He said, what if I say no?

[46:17] And I said, well, we're still going to do it, but it would be nice if you said yes.

[46:20] It's a long sucker.

Dan McCoy

[46:21] Elliot pulls out a switchblade.

[46:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:25] And then I just dragged her away by the hair.

[46:27] He said no, but I didn't really.

[46:29] And, but I, so my problem here was I didn't, I didn't get the right, wrong meaning of the,

[46:35] of the line.

[46:36] When she said, have you seen my father?

[46:37] I assumed it meant the first time.

[46:39] Have you seen what my father looks like?

[46:40] Not, have you seen my father about the business of asking for my hand in marriage?

[46:45] So this is one where, unfortunately, I was ahead of the joke in a way that hurt the joke.

Dan McCoy

[46:49] You know, this otherwise perfectly hilarious joke.

[46:51] I mean, there was, yeah.

[46:52] That's a, you know, is it, that's a occupational hazard, Elliot, that you're always ahead of the joke.

[46:57] And then you find fewer things funny because of it.

Elliott Kalan

[47:00] That's incredibly true.

[47:01] Yeah.

[47:02] Yeah.

[47:02] I was, I was watching something with, with my sons recently and a character got hit and

[47:06] then said, that's going to leave a mark.

[47:07] And I went on a rant about how, how, how hacky that line is.

[47:12] And they did not, they didn't care, didn't understand.

Dan McCoy

[47:15] They're like, this is why I like baseball, dad.

Stuart Wellington

[47:19] You can't tell me that it's hacky in baseball.

[47:23] Glad that Elliot just gave us a little preview about the movie he's going to recommend on the

[47:27] next full episode.

[47:29] Yeah.

[47:29] It's that one.

[47:29] It's Tommy boy.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] So this is a, actually, I don't, I don't know Tommy boy that, that familiarly.

[47:38] So I refer to it as Thomas man.

[47:39] Oh, sure.

Dan McCoy

[47:40] Yeah.

[47:41] Yeah.

[47:41] You're just confused.

[47:42] You're like, Oh, the famous author.

Elliott Kalan

[47:44] Yes.

[47:45] I'll go see it.

[47:45] Is it a movie?

[47:45] This is about when he was a young fellow.

[47:47] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[47:48] Don't worry.

[47:49] We're in the home stretch.

[47:50] I have.

Stuart Wellington

[47:50] Oh, I wonder who David Spade plays in this Thomas man biopic.

Dan McCoy

[47:57] So here we have two cave people down at the bottom of a large tree with a tail coming out

Elliott Kalan

[48:06] of it.

[48:06] Okay, good.

[48:07] There is a dinosaur element to this.

Dan McCoy

[48:08] There's a dinosaur hidden within the canopy of this tree.

[48:13] And the one cave person says, how did that stegosaurus ever get up into that oak tree?

[48:19] And then if you turn the page, it goes, well, he sat down on an acorn and waited.

[48:25] And I want to show you this.

[48:27] Oh, okay.

[48:28] It's kind of philosophical in a way, but I want to show you this drawing where it seems

[48:32] like there's a lot of like sort of action lines coming.

[48:35] It looks like the acorn is bursting with light.

[48:37] Yeah.

[48:37] Like fucking Paul did the ink on this one.

[48:39] Like maybe the acorn was growing into a tree very quickly and it entered the dinosaur

[48:46] from behind.

[48:46] I mean, he's got a look on his face that's both surprise and delight.

Elliott Kalan

[48:49] So it looks like a look of pleasure.

[48:50] Yeah.

[48:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:52] What sort of dino would you say this is?

Elliott Kalan

[48:56] I mean, it's got plates on its back.

[48:58] The head is not quite right, but the neck is too long.

[49:00] But it's got the plates of a stegosaurus.

[49:03] Yeah.

[49:03] Okay.

[49:04] All the marks are there.

[49:05] It looks like a stegosaurus with the wrong neck and head was put on it by paleontologists

[49:10] that didn't really know what they were doing.

[49:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:12] Now, obviously this is meant to be a joke, but as many in this dino joke, Burke, there's

[49:20] a pearl of wisdom here, which is, you know, something that seems insurmountable, impossible.

[49:27] You just start small, you know?

[49:29] You sit on that acorn.

Elliott Kalan

[49:30] Yeah.

[49:31] Just like that, the ant pulling the rubber tree plant, whatever, in the High Hope song.

[49:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:36] Then, God willing, you'll be stuck in a tree.

Elliott Kalan

[49:39] You'll have what you finally wanted to be, up in a tree where you can only fall and break

[49:44] your long stegosaurus neck.

Stuart Wellington

[49:45] That's the thing about ambition, right?

[49:47] Is you put all this effort into chasing a dream only to realize that you're now a prisoner

[49:51] to that very same dream, right, Dan?

[49:53] Very wise.

[49:54] And you were like, I want to be a famous podcaster and now look at you.

[49:57] Now I'm stuck doing this instead of being out with my family on vacation.

Dan McCoy

[50:01] I'm stuck watching bad movies rather than –

Stuart Wellington

[50:05] I feel like that's a skill issue.

Dan McCoy

[50:06] It is.

Elliott Kalan

[50:09] What also – they don't show the stores of food that he must have had to put in to not

[50:14] die of starvation while sitting there waiting for that acorn to grow.

[50:16] I mean, for the beginning of it, probably, it was small enough that he could just get

[50:20] off and get on as needed.

[50:22] At a certain point, it got so tall that he couldn't do that easily.

[50:25] But, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[50:25] There's probably a point where, like, he became such a staple in his local community that maybe

[50:31] like a cult grew up around him.

[50:33] Oh, yeah.

[50:33] And he was offered, you know, sacrifices or as we call them, little treats throughout

[50:39] the day.

Elliott Kalan

[50:39] Well, like in that early draft of Horton Hatches the Egg where they do build a religion around

[50:44] the egg-laying elephant and they're killing the animals that disagree with the idea of

[50:48] an egg sitting on an egg.

[50:49] An elephant sitting on an egg.

[50:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:51] Yeah.

[50:51] I like that more extreme, grimdark version of Horton here.

[50:54] Yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:55] That was when Dr. Seuss and Cormac McCarthy were working together on the book.

[50:59] Yeah.

[50:59] Man, so fucking twisted.

[51:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:02] What's in that egg that he hatched?

[51:04] All of man's evil.

[51:06] Yeah.

[51:06] Uh-oh.

[51:07] Whoops.

[51:08] Sort of a Pandora's egg.

[51:11] So, this is the final joke.

[51:13] Guys, we've come to the end of a real journey here.

[51:16] Just as I presume you will when you finish the Power Broker on the Power Broker series.

Stuart Wellington

[51:22] What are you guys doing?

[51:23] Like a page?

[51:23] Page an episode?

[51:24] Two pages an episode?

[51:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:26] Two pages an episode.

[51:27] So, it's going to be 650 episodes.

[51:30] And we're doing 100 pages an episode.

[51:32] Wow.

[51:32] It'll take us a year to get through it.

[51:34] But we should have just done this dinosaur jokes book.

[51:36] We'd have the same philosophical and also ideological discussions about life in a city and how you build it for a human being.

Stuart Wellington

[51:46] I feel like you'd get the same caliber of guests, too, because everybody loves fucking dinosaurs.

[51:50] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[51:50] Pete Buttigieg, would you come and talk to us about dinosaur jokes?

[51:54] AOC, you want to talk about dinosaur jokes?

[51:55] Yes, of course.

Dan McCoy

[51:56] Even Spielberg, you made a dino movie.

[51:58] Did he?

[51:59] He made more than one dino movie.

[52:01] Always.

[52:02] Yeah.

[52:04] They're in the background.

[52:05] You said mostly in oil form in the tanks of cars.

Elliott Kalan

[52:09] Yeah, yeah.

[52:10] I mean, well, then, most movies are dino movies if you consider the gasoline inside of machines.

[52:16] Yeah.

[52:18] Anyway, maybe you should let –

[52:19] I mean, technically, birds are dinosaurs, so that's a lot of movies that are now – what is it?

[52:23] What's the one where the bird does a double take when James Bond goes –

[52:27] Moonraker, and it's a triple take.

[52:29] So that's a dinosaur movie, technically.

[52:31] It's got a bird in it, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:32] So, listeners, you know what you got to do.

[52:34] You got to go put that dinosaur tag on every IMDb movie.

[52:38] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:38] Go to your local library, rearrange the DVDs so that they're –

[52:42] Put them on the dinosaur.

Elliott Kalan

[52:43] Make a sticker with a dinosaur footprint that says D, and put that on all the movies, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:48] Once you've moved everything to the dinosaur section, then it just sort of regains equilibrium

[52:52] and is arranged like it was before.

Elliott Kalan

[52:54] Like we said, it's the everything museum.

[52:56] The dinosaur section just becomes the video story.

Stuart Wellington

[53:00] Also, from the entrance to the library –

[53:02] DVD stands for Digital Video Dinosaur.

[53:04] Dinosaur Video Disc.

[53:05] To the Digital Dinosaur section, you got to put little stickers on the ground that look like dinosaur footprints

[53:10] with a sign that says, kids, walk this way to get to your dinosaur videos.

[53:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:15] You just passed right by the phrase Digital Dinosaur, which I think –

[53:20] Oh, man.

[53:21] Which should be a band, right?

[53:23] Yeah.

[53:23] It would be awesome.

[53:25] Or like an amazing early CGI movie, like a virtuosity style.

[53:30] Oh, a dinosaur came out of the video game into real life.

Stuart Wellington

[53:33] Oh, man.

[53:35] Like that should have been Brain Scan 2, right?

[53:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:38] Yeah, sure.

[53:39] Brain Scan 2, they're dinosaurs now.

[53:40] No, Trickster's a dinosaur.

[53:42] Yeah.

[53:43] What we have here –

Dan McCoy

[53:44] Dino Trickster, yeah.

[53:46] And this drawing is there's two cave people up in the top of a tree.

[53:51] Oh, where the stegosaurus was before.

Elliott Kalan

[53:52] Is it the same tree or a different tree?

Dan McCoy

[53:54] No, this one's sort of – this looks like kind of an early palm tree maybe.

[54:00] Okay.

[54:01] They have lowered a noose down.

[54:04] Oh, don't like that.

[54:06] Well, it's not like a hanging noose.

[54:09] It's a catching noose.

[54:10] Oh, so it's more of a lasso.

[54:12] A lasso.

[54:13] Let's call it that.

[54:14] And there's footprints in front of the tree and it says, how do you catch –

[54:19] It says this way to the digital dinos.

Stuart Wellington

[54:21] Yeah.

[54:22] So you can get those kids in there.

Dan McCoy

[54:24] How do you catch a brontosaurus?

[54:26] And if you turn the page, the answer comes back, hide in the grass, and make a noise like a vegetable.

[54:34] So –

[54:34] But they're in a tree, you said.

[54:37] Well, I think it's – you can see here, there's the tree.

[54:41] Yeah.

[54:41] And then I think this is their compatriot down on the ground.

[54:47] Oh, I see.

[54:48] Who is trying to lure the dino by with his vegetable calls.

Stuart Wellington

[54:52] And I'll say that it's a commendable attempt to draw somebody hiding in the high grass.

[54:57] Does it necessitate an entire page?

[55:00] Probably not.

[55:00] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[55:01] It's also a commendable attempt to inform the reader about the vegetarian nature of the brontosaurus.

[55:10] True.

[55:10] Yeah.

[55:11] Accurate.

[55:12] Yeah.

[55:12] Anyway.

[55:13] Okay.

[55:14] So, yeah.

[55:15] That was our mini.

[55:18] And obviously, it should be the very first episode of the show you recommend to anyone.

Elliott Kalan

[55:23] Now, when Dan texted us ahead of time and said, this mini is going to – it gets a new level of dumb.

[55:29] Yeah.

[55:30] Or however you put it.

[55:31] You know, I said there's no way.

[55:33] There's no way.

[55:34] We've done so many dumb episodes before.

[55:36] It can't get any dumber.

Dan McCoy

[55:37] Yeah.

[55:37] Excellent interview.

[55:38] How do you think I did?

[55:39] On the level – like, do you think I –

Elliott Kalan

[55:41] In terms of non-essential ways to – non-essential audio to listen to, you have somehow topped the episode where you took us through descriptions of different enormous Johnson t-shirts.

Stuart Wellington

[55:51] Yeah, that's true.

[55:53] What about that PowerPoint presentation that was about mustard to the universe?

Elliott Kalan

[55:58] That was also incredibly inessential.

[56:02] Inessential and dumb.

[56:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:03] Yeah.

[56:05] That's the secret sauce I bring to the show.

Elliott Kalan

[56:08] No, but for real –

Dan McCoy

[56:08] D for dumb is also D for Dan.

[56:11] If this is a thing that you like, you're not going to get it anywhere else.

[56:14] So do what you can to support us.

[56:16] No, there are laws against it.

[56:18] Become a member.

[56:20] You know.

Elliott Kalan

[56:20] We're also going to see in-depth analysis of 1960s dinosaur joke books but on this movie podcast, The Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[56:28] This is why – look, our National Endowment for the Arts funding got cut.

[56:33] We need you to support nonsense like this.

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] I called up the MacArthur Genius Grant people and they laughed at me.

[56:40] I couldn't even finish getting the name of the podcast out.

Stuart Wellington

[56:43] But that's –

[56:44] I mean, we are a comedy show.

[56:45] If they're laughing, we're doing something right.

[56:49] And that is the show.

[56:52] Oh, this wasn't just the warm-up.

[56:54] No.

[56:54] Yeah, this was the intro.

Dan McCoy

[56:56] This was a long Garfield-style intro to our –

Elliott Kalan

[56:57] Yeah, we're not just talking about birthday buddies now.

[56:59] We're going to be talking about the Muppets.

Dan McCoy

[57:05] No, we're signing off.

[57:06] That'd be so funny.

Elliott Kalan

[57:07] You're like, now after we've had that one-hour warm-up of talking about dinosaur jokes, it's time to talk about, guys, what do you think happens when we die?

[57:13] What's love?

[57:14] It becomes a very serious conversation.

Dan McCoy

[57:18] We're on the Maximum Fun Network, as I mentioned.

[57:20] If you're a member, you support us.

[57:23] Speaking of membership, we will have those Boco episodes out soon.

[57:28] We did record a Joysticks episode.

[57:31] That'll be the first of those.

[57:32] It will be out on the feed very soon, perhaps by the time this actually makes air.

[57:38] Who knows?

[57:40] But that's going on.

[57:43] And I want to thank our producer, Alex Smith, who will be putting together that bonus feed content.

[57:51] He does great work for us on the main, on the bonus.

[57:55] He does the little videos that you see on Instagram.

[57:57] If you don't follow us on Instagram, you should follow us because there's little videos of us.

[58:01] Maybe you can see the actual visuals that go along with some of this if you go to that and become a follower there on Instagram.

[58:12] But that's enough end of the show rambling.

[58:16] I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[58:19] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[58:20] Whoa.

[58:21] I rambled so long that Stuart got lost in his head.

[58:23] I got bonked on the head by a dinosaur coconut.

Elliott Kalan

[58:26] And I'm Elliot Kalin, or as they call me in dinosaur times, Elliot Kalin.

[58:31] Bye.

[58:34] They don't really call me that, Dan.

[58:35] There's no people back then.

[58:36] Wasn't Elliot talking about you?

[58:37] Oh, yeah.

[58:37] They call me that in both places.

[58:39] Both times.

[58:40] Yeah.

[58:46] Maximum Fun.

[58:47] A worker-owned network.

Dan McCoy

[58:49] Of artists-owned shows.

[58:50] Supported.

[58:51] Directly.

[58:52] By you.

FH Mini 108 - 1% Visible

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