FH Mini 108 - 1% Visible

[0:00] Hey everyone, welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:07] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:09] They call me Elliot Kalin, out on the wasteland.

[0:13] Oh, wow.

[0:14] Interesting.

[0:15] I mean, is there any other element to it, or is it just Elliot Kalin?

[0:19] Is it Elliot the Killer Kalin?

[0:21] Is it Elliot Cannibal Kalin?

[0:23] Nope, just Elliot Kalin.

[0:24] Yeah, I mean, out in the post-apocalyptic, blasted, nuclear, desolate wasteland

[0:29] which is the future world, they just call me Elliot Kalin.

[0:32] Wow, we are introducing a very dramatic element

[0:35] that's not going to be addressed throughout the rest of the mini.

[0:38] Oh, yeah, I call that Garfield, Dan.

[0:40] When you introduce an element at the beginning and it's not addressed for the rest of the mini.

[0:44] It linked.

[0:45] All right.

[0:46] Hey, guess what?

[0:47] I'm in charge again.

[0:48] Oh, man.

[0:49] So buckle up.

[0:50] Uh-oh.

[0:51] Hey, everyone.

[0:52] Somebody lost a bet.

[0:55] Over at a little show, another podcast called 99% Invisible.

[1:00] Never heard of it.

[1:01] Elliot Kalin has been hosting a book club for The Power Broker by Rob Perrow.

[1:05] Oh, that's what I meant.

[1:06] That's where they call me Elliot Kalin, is over at 99% Invisible podcast.

[1:09] Was there ever a moment when they were thinking about just calling it 1% Invisible?

[1:14] Well, you've leapt ahead to part of my thing.

[1:20] Stuart, I love it.

[1:21] It reminds.

[1:22] I can't help it.

[1:23] You love it when you see it.

[1:24] We'll get there.

[1:25] But maybe that's a sign to let some more of this intro proceed unimpeded.

[1:33] Sure.

[1:34] Yeah.

[1:35] Yeah.

[1:36] When do we do that?

[1:37] Never.

[1:38] But let's try it.

[1:39] Yeah.

[1:40] So The Power Broker, of course, a terrific book, one of the great works of biography

[1:43] of history.

[1:44] Also, a very long book, one that sort of became a status symbol during COVID.

[1:50] There are a lot of articles and stuff about Zoom calls, people prominently displaying

[1:54] the power broker behind them.

[1:56] Dan could also be describing Johnny Tremaine, if you think about it.

[1:59] Mm hmm.

[2:00] It's not that long a book, though.

[2:01] Johnny Tremaine.

[2:02] What is a biography?

[2:03] It's not a biography.

[2:04] I mean, it's kind of history.

[2:06] It's historical fiction.

[2:07] It's a novel.

[2:08] Yeah.

[2:09] So that's that's The Power Broker.

[2:10] And they should call that book Johnny Deformed.

[2:13] Just a Simpsons joke.

[2:17] Steal other jokes.

[2:19] Simpsons callback.

[2:21] Callback.

[2:22] Is that what it's called?

[2:25] Yeah.

[2:26] We're The Simpsons, right?

[2:27] Yeah.

[2:28] The 99% Invisible Power Broker series, of course, has been listed in some best of podcast

[2:34] list recently.

[2:35] Mm hmm.

[2:36] So I thought.

[2:37] Guilty as charged.

[2:38] We should.

[2:39] We got a draft on a little of that action over here.

[2:40] We've had an Elliot Kalin on our show for years.

[2:43] What has it gotten you?

[2:45] Nothing.

[2:46] Exactly.

[2:47] And so, you know, in our position as goofus to 99% Invisible Gallant, you know, they cover

[2:55] the 99%.

[2:56] As Stewart said, this is going to be our 1% visible podcast.

[3:01] Nice.

[3:02] The Bizarro World Power Broker episode.

[3:05] Because The Power Broker is about a very long, very smart book.

[3:09] I went through my collection to find a short, dumb book.

[3:13] One of the shortest, dumbest books I have on the bookshelf.

[3:16] And what I came up with is this book.

[3:19] It's called.

[3:20] I'm putting it up for the camera, so we'll probably cut this out.

[3:24] It's a dinosaur joke book.

[3:25] It's called a dinosaur joke book.

[3:26] Yeah.

[3:27] Alex, take a screenshot of this.

[3:29] Yeah.

[3:30] And then mail it to yourself with a picture of today's date.

[3:32] Yeah.

[3:33] Picture of today's date.

[3:34] Yeah.

[3:35] Picture of today's date.

[3:36] We got your joke book.

[3:37] Give us $10 million.

[3:38] We'll save you a page a day to give us the money.

[3:43] We won't give you the punchline, just the joke.

[3:45] And it'll drive you mad.

[3:47] That's called a setup.

[3:49] Oh.

[3:51] That's why it's called a setup.

[3:52] A little background about this book.

[3:54] You know.

[3:56] Is it necessary?

[3:58] This audio book club series of one in which we will explore the dinosaur joke book.

[4:04] This is the Flophouse Breakdown Dinosaur Joke Book.

[4:07] It was a purchase.

[4:08] I only read it so I could get a little pizza sticker on my pizza cover.

[4:11] Actually, this was given to me one Christmas by my brother, John McCoy, who I think gave it to me because he also found it.

[4:20] So it's by Sam Berman, who I assume did both the text and illustrations.

[4:28] I mean I said did the text.

[4:29] You'll see a lot of these are street jokes.

[4:31] But he's the only listed author.

[4:34] Yeah, but you want kids to learn them from a book, not out on the street.

[4:37] Yeah.

[4:38] Published by Grosset and Dunlap in 1969.

[4:42] We're going to have, as I said, we're going to have a little book club.

[4:46] We've got two Emmy-winning comedy writers.

[4:49] We've got a bartender here who I assume has heard a lot of jokes in his day.

[4:53] And told a lot of jokes, yeah.

[4:55] And, of course, Elliot's a dinosaur expert.

[4:57] So as we discuss, I thought we could evaluate with an eye towards.

[5:01] I think we're glossing over another dinosaur expert, but that's fine.

[5:04] I think Stuart proved when we were in Oxford that he doesn't know dingus about dinosaurs.

[5:09] Whoa, Elliot, calm down.

[5:11] He did a presentation.

[5:13] I don't want to get this podcast rated X.

[5:15] Presentation entirely built to troll Elliot about his bad dinosaur.

[5:19] Yeah, about my love of dinosaurs.

[5:20] Info.

[5:21] But it's amazing to think that as man was landing on the moon,

[5:24] Sam Berman was accumulating these dinosaur jokes for publication.

[5:30] But I thought we could discuss, because of our assembled talents,

[5:36] we could discuss these with an eye towards comedy, dinosaur accuracy,

[5:42] historical significance, and how maybe the art enhances our experience of the joke, so forth.

[5:48] These sorts of elements.

[5:50] That would be perfect for this audio medium.

[5:52] Yep.

[5:53] Well, we can describe it.

[5:55] We'll paint a word picture.

[5:57] We'll have to use a thousand words, Dan.

[5:59] That's the collaboration picture.

[6:01] Yeah.

[6:02] Well, that's where the inflation rate goes to, or the exchange rate goes to us as writers versus artists.

[6:09] That's what makes us.

[6:11] So we won't be, of course, reading all of this book out of respect, out of copyright reasons,

[6:17] and, of course, respect for the late Sam Berman, who, Elliot,

[6:21] you'd be interested in his prolific career as an illustrator.

[6:25] He designed the titles for Nothing Sacred and many other movies of the 30s.

[6:31] So he was well into his career when he did this dinosaur joke.

[6:34] Yes, yes.

[6:35] He co-created Esky, the mascot for Esquire magazine.

[6:40] I didn't know they had one.

[6:41] What's it look like, Dan?

[6:43] It looks kind of like a—

[6:44] Lelelelian?

[6:46] It looks kind of like the Pringles guy, like an early version of the Pringles guy with more like bug-eyed eyes.

[6:51] That's what I think of Esquire magazine is the Italian immigrant experience immortalized on the Pringles can.

[6:57] Yeah.

[6:58] He also, some of his other book work includes Pixie Pete's Christmas Party.

[7:04] Oh, sure.

[7:05] And illustrations for something called Sullivan Bites News Perverse News Items, which I think—

[7:12] Real quick, I want to go tug at a thread here.

[7:14] So the Pringles can, that guy's Italian?

[7:17] What's the deal there?

[7:18] Yeah, that was news to me as well.

[7:20] He's Italian to me.

[7:21] Maybe I'm wrong.

[7:22] Oh, okay.

[7:23] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[7:24] He's got more Italian food than potato chips.

[7:27] I don't know if he is canonically Italian.

[7:29] Maybe that's me being a little racist, but when I see a big handlebar mustache on a—

[7:34] Yeah, Mario taught you that that means Italian.

[7:37] Yeah, on a cartoon figure, I assume they're Italian, yeah.

[7:40] I just kind of looked at that as like high class.

[7:43] Let's take a look at his website, the complete history of the Pringles logo.

[7:47] Let's see.

[7:49] That's possible, too.

[7:50] So you're saying that they're saying potato chips are the snack of millionaires.

[7:54] They're the food of the ruling class.

[7:59] Have you found anything about the—

[8:01] I realized I had stopped talking because I was waiting with bated breath for your Pringles report.

[8:06] I'm looking at this article now which covers the history of Pringles.

[8:08] No mention of Gene Wolfe, the inventor of the machine that made the Pringles, as well as author, of course, of the—

[8:14] Wait, really?

[8:15] The book of the new sign.

[8:16] Yeah.

[8:17] So wait.

[8:18] So all his books are in first person.

[8:20] When he invented that, was that also in first person?

[8:23] I think anything he did in his life I believe was in first person.

[8:27] Yeah.

[8:28] That's pretty cool.

[8:29] I was mentioning a television commercial with Brad Pitt in the 80s, but where is the—

[8:33] I'm not seeing much about the meaning of the logo.

[8:35] Look it.

[8:36] Just Google Pringles guy ethnicity.

[8:38] Yeah.

[8:39] Google Pringles guy feet.

[8:41] See if that comes up with anything for you.

[8:44] That's going to answer a lot of questions.

[8:46] Pringles guy nationality, let's say.

[8:47] Yeah.

[8:48] Okay, Pringles guy nationality.

[8:49] The history behind the mascot.

[8:51] Okay, this is a different article.

[8:53] Well, I think we'll back burner this for—

[8:56] It has a name.

[8:57] Hold on.

[8:58] Yeah.

[8:59] Let's see.

[9:00] Guys, Dan, you just start.

[9:01] I'll do a little bit more research on this.

[9:02] I'll pretend I'm listening to you.

[9:03] Okay, because I feel like at this point you make fun of me for Garfield, but this has now become officially a Pringles cat.

[9:11] But I do want to say—I called this a dumb book.

[9:15] The jokes are dumb.

[9:16] They do have some lovely illustrations by this longtime illustrator, so, you know, I don't know.

[9:21] Look it up in your local library if you want to.

[9:23] Oh, the mustache is meant to imitate or approximate the shape of the Pringle.

[9:28] His name is Julius Pringle or Julius Pringles.

[9:30] That is madness.

[9:32] Wait, his last name is Pringles?

[9:34] That's according to this article, yes.

[9:37] I don't look at that mustache and think those look like two potato chips.

[9:44] But I guess that's why I'm not a brilliant graphic designer because I can't make these connections.

[9:50] I'm still not seeing a backstory for Julius Pringles, though.

[9:53] So, readers, if you have any information about it, write in.

[9:56] Ellie, do Pringles guy deviant art.

[9:58] Google that.

[9:59] Okay.

[10:00] I don't know. Dan, you keep reading. I'm going to keep doing your thing. I'm going to read another article about this.

[10:04] Oh, God. Yeah, that's what I want. An unengaged co-host.

[10:08] I mean, he's pretty engaged with his computer right now.

[10:11] Yeah, he seems so.

[10:12] Finally, this article at least mentions and engineer Gene Wolfe created the machine used for making the chips.

[10:16] Finally.

[10:16] Thank God. He was going to be robbed of his place in history.

[10:22] Oh, it's possible that Julius Pringles is not actually his real name. Might be a hoax.

[10:27] Do you think Gene Wolfe wrote like a loving backstory for Julius Pringles?

[10:31] My guess is that when he was describing the Pringle machine to somebody,

[10:34] he was using such elaborate antiquated language that they just they just said build it yourself.

[10:39] We don't know how to do this. We can't understand.

[10:40] Oh 1% visible the first joke here.

[10:45] Okay, we've got we've got a dino talking to a young boy sitting on his back right away.

[10:53] I see Elliot furrowing his brow.

[10:56] I mean, right off the bat, that's your number one factual inaccuracy about dinosaurs is that they ever encountered human beings at all or vice versa.

[11:03] Separated by tens of billions of years. But anyway, but I guess if they have two brains,

[11:10] they don't have two brains to it. They also don't have two brains.

[11:12] Yeah, I'll show you the illustration in a moment once I'm done describing it.

[11:15] So this dino is talking to this boy in his back.

[11:18] The dino says I'm glad they named me Maxwell.

[11:21] The boy says, why are you glad Maxwell?

[11:24] The dino says because that's what everyone calls me.

[11:28] So this I think introduces an interesting philosophical question about the nature of names,

[11:37] you know, whether a name makes someone or so here you see,

[11:40] so it's a sauropod of some kind of small sauropod a Camaro.

[11:43] Yeah, like a baby secret of the lost legend right there.

[11:46] Yes, very much a baby secret of the lost legend.

[11:49] Yeah, a little bit. Yeah, a two-tone printing style.

[11:53] They've got black and kind of very 60s.

[11:56] Yeah, little foot is one of those long necks, right?

[11:59] That's all the scientific name. Yeah, they love portmanteau compound words.

[12:04] Yes, they're not even portmanteaus. They're just compound.

[12:06] Now that's a dino expert. How accurate is that?

[12:10] This dinosaur would be named Maxwell. As far as I know dinosaurs being animals do not have names.

[12:18] They may have been maybe identified by their scent more than anything else.

[12:21] We have given them species names,

[12:22] but it is only man as far as we know among all the animals that feels the need to label

[12:27] and thus possess the things around him to everything else all other animals and organisms.

[12:32] It seems what is merely is what is and does not need a word to make it real.

[12:38] But in fact simply is reality Dan.

[12:42] Yeah. No, I mean, I think quality joke book notation straight to the heart of what makes this joke.

[12:50] So profound. Let's move on to another joke.

[12:55] Not that I think we've exhausted the rich text that is.

[12:58] I feel like there's a lot more to say about Maxwell

[13:00] and his I mean what it is he that joke to say about the joke.

[13:04] It's working in a rich vein of tradition,

[13:06] which is confusing the a what a name is for and the idea of a name

[13:09] and an item that you see in the work of Lewis Carroll in through the looking glass

[13:14] when the white knight is talking about the song that he sings and he's saying the song is called the name is called this

[13:19] but the name is this, you know, this brings up an interesting point,

[13:23] which is that Elliot have you written this book?

[13:26] Is it completed or are you still in the course of writing a book about jokes?

[13:30] Are you talking about my book joke farming which will someday come out from the University of Chicago Press.

[13:35] I have written it. It is in the peer review process right now

[13:38] because it's an academic text. I'm hoping to get those notes back this summer

[13:41] because I'd like the book to be published next year.

[13:43] So it must be really tough for you to look out for joke farming.

[13:45] It's my book about joke writing from the University of Chicago Press.

[13:48] It must be tough for you for people to try and find peers for you because you were so funny Elliot.

[13:53] Thank you all. Peerless.

[13:55] Yeah, yeah, yeah. Outstanding.

[13:58] Yeah, I can never be found guilty in joke court because they can't find 12 peers.

[14:02] Impossible. That deserve to judge me.

[14:05] Now, do you think one of these notes is going to be that there's not enough about the dinosaur joke book

[14:09] and the jokes found within? Probably, yeah.

[14:12] I think probably the fact that I was not aware of this joke book till now means I have to tear up the book

[14:17] and re-write from scratch now that I found this new cavalcade.

[14:21] Now Elliot, you're going to have to help me with this next word.

[14:26] Is this Trachodon? Let me see it.

[14:31] Hold on. It's a very large book, so I have to wrangle around my...

[14:36] It's a lady telling us a grimoire. Yeah, Trachodon. Yeah.

[14:38] Okay.

[14:40] I saw the setup was how do you keep a Trachodon from smelling?

[14:43] Yes. I assume the punchline is something about cutting off his nose.

[14:46] You have a dino. Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

[14:49] We have a dino looking down quizzically at, again, cavemen who would not be alive.

[14:59] A mom talking to the son. It looks like the...

[15:02] It's hard to say who's speaking, whether it's the son or the mom.

[15:05] They both have their mouths open.

[15:08] There's another dinosaur at the side who looks like sort of a dog dinosaur in the Flintstones thing.

[15:13] Yeah. Is that the Trachodon?

[15:15] So what's its skull look like? Because a Trachodon is a duck-billed dinosaur.

[15:19] Yeah, it is a duck-billed dinosaur.

[15:22] I think they're actually meant to be the same dinosaur,

[15:23] but they look very different, the one at the top and the bottom.

[15:26] Well, I'm guessing one might be older or larger.

[15:29] One looks like it has a flat top.

[15:31] Male or female.

[15:32] Maybe one got plastic surgery.

[15:35] One of them committed a lot of crimes,

[15:37] and the only way they could hide out like Parker is by paying for a black market plastic surgeon to change your face.

[15:44] However, that doesn't work out perfectly for Parker.

[15:49] He can't trust that black market plastic surgeon.

[15:51] And he ends up having to kill more people.

[15:53] Any number of – you could watch Point Blank, Payback.

[15:56] I think there's other versions of the same story.

[15:59] Yeah, yeah. That's some early Parker stuff.

[16:01] We're talking later Parker.

[16:02] Oh, later Parker.

[16:03] What's the name of the – why am I forgetting it?

[16:05] The Dark Passage in that movie.

[16:08] It's the same basic thing.

[16:09] The guy gets his face changed, and he's Humphrey Bogart,

[16:11] which is not a surprise because you've heard Humphrey Bogart's voice narrating the movie up until that point.

[16:17] But yeah.

[16:18] Speaking of Parker.

[16:20] How would the Parker books be different, Stuart, if he was a trachodon instead of a human being?

[16:24] That would actually be really interesting because I don't think a trachodon is a career criminal.

[16:28] No, that's true.

[16:29] There is that one book where there's a velociraptor who puts on a human suit and solves crimes.

[16:34] He somehow survived until now.

[16:35] True.

[16:36] That is a really cool Parker book.

[16:38] I like that one because Parker finally meets his match.

[16:40] Normally he's a little bit too tough and cool, but finally when he meets his velociraptor hiding in a human suit.

[16:46] Yeah.

[16:47] And speaking of Parker, I'm surprised you two aren't nosy Parkers to find out the nose-based comedy punchline here.

[16:56] How do you keep a trachodon from smelling?

[16:58] Yes, Elliot, you got it.

[16:59] Try cutting off his nose.

[17:01] They don't do it, do they?

[17:03] Graphic picture.

[17:05] Not graphic of the violence of the nose, but you see the aftermath of the bandaged face.

[17:10] Yeah, horrible.

[17:11] To be honest, this is pretty similar to the Parker story.

[17:15] Exactly.

[17:17] It's very like noir type, you know, like something that like out of a Brian Azzarillo comic.

[17:23] Seems very cool of these primitive men that they're cutting off the nose to keep it from smelling.

[17:33] Not to eat or provide shelter or any of the basic needs of humans.

[17:38] I mean the dinosaur's nose is only so big.

[17:40] I don't think you could make a shelter out of it.

[17:42] I don't know.

[17:43] Yeah, but if you get a bunch of them, they'd be like shingles.

[17:45] That's true.

[17:46] This seems to be an act of pure spite on the Neanderthal.

[17:50] Which is usually why you cut off noses, right?

[17:52] For spite.

[17:53] Yeah, well, to spite faces, certainly.

[17:55] Your own or others.

[17:56] I know I said Neanderthal there, and that's probably incorrect.

[18:00] But, you know, we're living in a world where dinos and humans live together.

[18:06] I mean, Neanderthals and humans lived side by side, and modern humans, for many years.

[18:11] Many thousands of years.

[18:13] If one of them is going to meet dinosaurs, probably they're going to say,

[18:15] Hey, buddy, come along and meet this dinosaur with me.

[18:17] You know?

[18:18] Yeah, what is it like?

[18:19] No, I just didn't know whether scientifically that's the same as what we'd colloquially call a caveman.

[18:23] Which is, you know, the Flintstones-style caveman we see here.

[18:27] Well, probably not.

[18:29] Your Flintstones-style cavemen are probably early Homo sapiens.

[18:31] But they would have lived side by side with, traded with, and had sex with the living Neanderthals at the time.

[18:38] And there are Denisovans.

[18:39] There are other species of humans that existed at the same time.

[18:42] And maybe they're around.

[18:43] I don't know.

[18:44] And sometimes they have like a club that has like gadgets inside it.

[18:49] And their entire body is covered in fur.

[18:51] Yeah, that's what we call the Homo captainus cavemanus.

[18:54] Yeah.

[18:55] Do you have this kind of discussion, Roman Mars?

[18:58] I don't think so.

[19:00] I'd love to learn about the design of captain cavemen.

[19:04] Well, I'm Roman Mars.

[19:05] My discussion is like we've got to get back to the Mars base.

[19:07] We're running out of oxygen and food.

[19:10] Yeah.

[19:11] See, we're like the missing piece.

[19:13] You know, like 99% Invisible is not complete without the tomfoolery that we can provide with our…

[19:19] Roman might disagree, sure, but yeah.

[19:22] Here we go.

[19:23] This one.

[19:25] So here we have a primitive cave artist.

[19:28] Sure.

[19:29] Who is painting on the wall.

[19:32] That's what they did.

[19:33] Very accurate.

[19:34] And painting a big orange dinosaur with a bunch of sort of human figures around it in black.

[19:43] And I'm not sure who's asking this.

[19:45] In black, just like the hit caveman song.

[19:48] A small child and a small dinosaur stand before this artist.

[19:52] And I'll show you the picture.

[19:54] Hold on.

[19:55] Hold on.

[19:56] This is for, you know, the story time for people here.

[19:58] And then it's…

[20:00] No, it looks really good.

[20:01] Wait, I couldn't quite see it, Dan.

[20:02] Can you put it up again?

[20:03] I couldn't quite see it.

[20:04] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[20:04] Sorry.

[20:05] So this is another...

[20:06] Oh, he's painting a sauropod.

[20:08] Yeah.

[20:09] And he looks embarrassed, like, uh-oh, you caught me.

[20:13] Yeah.

[20:13] And he asks, which has more legs, a dinosaur or no dinosaur?

[20:21] Which has more legs, a dinosaur or no dinosaur?

[20:24] There's gonna be some kind of trick in here.

[20:26] Yeah.

[20:27] There might be some sort of work play on top of the story.

[20:28] Does no mean, like, New Orleans dinosaur?

[20:30] What?

[20:32] It's a joke exclusively to my wife.

[20:34] Yeah, because it's in the Mardi Gras parade.

[20:39] Well, I'll just answer this question for you, because I can see you're stumped.

[20:42] Yeah, we're stumped.

[20:43] No dinosaur.

[20:45] No dinosaur has eight legs.

[20:47] A dinosaur has four.

[20:49] What the fuck?

[20:50] This kid.

[20:50] Because there is no dinosaur that has eight legs, but a dinosaur does have four legs.

[20:57] Yeah, I think my delivery confused the matter before, but the point is.

[21:03] This is why it's best experienced as text.

[21:05] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[21:07] This has so delighted the tiny little dinosaur that it has collapsed the floor in gales of

[21:13] laughter, and I'll show you that charming illustration.

[21:17] Presumably, it's happy that it's not getting its legs chopped off or something.

[21:21] Yeah, yeah, since it knows that it's with these brutal savages,

[21:24] these human beings that are just chopping parts off of dinosaurs.

[21:28] What I like is that that joke that do all the jokes justify two pages.

[21:32] Do they all get two pages in?

[21:34] There's a lot of one pagers.

[21:38] But that one Berman was like, this is a two pager.

[21:41] This joke is going to be so funny that it justifies taking up two pages.

[21:45] Now that's an editorial decision you have to make about the element of surprise when

[21:52] it comes to the joke.

[21:53] You know, is it better served in a big gulp or do you want to have that pregnant pause

[21:58] in between?

[21:59] We have to turn the page.

[22:00] Yeah, let me serve like a like a sugary drink in a big gulp and a lot of it.

[22:05] I was going to I was going to break it down in terms that Elliot understands.

[22:08] So it's like as if if you if you open up the book monster at the end of this book.

[22:13] Yeah, it was just like it's Grover.

[22:16] It's not going to be funny.

[22:17] You got to read the whole thing.

[22:20] But that's because we have, you know, years of history with the book monster at the end

[22:24] of this book.

[22:24] Yeah.

[22:25] But yeah, it would confuse and dismay anyone who bought it.

[22:30] You'd be like, what else is how many more pages?

[22:32] They're just blank.

[22:33] Can I write on them?

[22:34] No.

[22:35] Yeah.

[22:35] And then you're going with a clear coat to keep my pen from making.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:40] At the end, Grover's just like, as promised.

[22:43] I'm back.

[22:44] Yeah.

[22:46] But what I what I read about that book, I mean, the monster at the end of this book

[22:49] is is a brilliantly designed book.

[22:52] And what I read was that he was supposed to teach kids how to read and finish a book.

[22:56] So it's literally about the mechanics of turning pages and how turning one leads you to the

[23:01] next until you get to the end of the house.

[23:02] It's such a brilliantly put together book.

[23:04] Yeah.

[23:04] And he like and Grover, he like loses his shit.

[23:09] He does.

[23:09] He doesn't want you to keep turning these pages.

[23:11] And there's another one that he does.

[23:12] There's another one he does with Elmo, too.

[23:14] And he has not learned his lesson.

[23:16] He continues to be just like so hysterically panicked about getting to the end of the book.

[23:21] Guys, you ever read this?

[23:22] There's this other Grover book about like the museum of everything or something.

[23:26] Yeah, I like that one, too.

[23:27] That's another one.

[23:27] That one's pretty good.

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] What's the deal there?

[23:30] It's not as well known.

[23:31] Is he the monster at the end of the book?

[23:33] He's going through this museum and it's different rooms with different like things you would

[23:37] look up at things that are small things.

[23:39] And then finally, he's like, but I have not yet seen everything.

[23:42] And there's the it ends with a door that just leads to the outside world and just says

[23:45] everything.

[23:45] Ah, here's everything.

[23:47] I think there's something very kind of beautiful about that.

[23:49] Yeah.

[23:49] What is the world but but a museum of everything, you know, uncategorized, very poorly curated.

[23:56] Very philosophical sort of punchlines.

[23:58] It's cruelly designed.

[24:00] Is it a Borges story where there's an emperor who has a collection of every animal on Earth

[24:04] and he keeps it on the Earth scattered throughout the world, but he considers it his collection?

[24:08] Look, I I know that it's at heart.

[24:10] It's because we didn't grow up with him or but no, I'm going to go back to Grover.

[24:16] Oh, but the reason I think one of the big reasons people of my generation don't like

[24:22] Elmo is that we're like, we had a perfectly good Grover.

[24:25] Yeah, Grover was great.

[24:27] We did.

[24:27] And Elmo came and did this all about Eve, you know, like, we don't need this real little

[24:32] kid Grover.

[24:34] You know, that was the original song that my generation song talking about my generation,

[24:38] people think we need an Elmo talking about my generation.

[24:43] We think Grover was just fine.

[24:45] Talking about my generation, younger kids like Elmo talking about my generation.

[24:52] But Grover, I consider him mine talking about my my generation.

[24:57] That was a that's a real song.

[24:59] Yeah, like Groveration, right?

[25:02] Mike Groveration.

[25:10] Hello, sleepyheads.

[25:11] Sleeping with Celebrities is your podcast pillow pal.

[25:15] We talk to remarkable people about unremarkable topics, all to help you slow down your brain

[25:21] and drift off to sleep.

[25:23] For instance, the remarkable actor Alan Tudyk, you hand somebody a yardstick after they've

[25:29] shopped at your general store.

[25:31] The store's name is constantly in your heart because yardsticks become part of the family.

[25:36] Sleeping with Celebrities, hosted by me, John Moe, on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get

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[25:44] Night night.

[25:46] The following are real reenactments of pretend emergency calls.

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[25:54] Calm down, please.

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[25:59] Please help.

[26:02] Where are you now, ma'am?

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[26:26] Hey there, dedicated Flophouse listeners.

[26:28] By now, you've probably heard about our next streaming show, Three Men in a Halley.

[26:34] Look, I'm sorry we hit these things so hard, but it's only because we're proud of them.

[26:39] I think we put together a great live show, and we love the way the people at StagePilot

[26:44] make these things look.

[26:45] So we hope that you might join us to watch it.

[26:50] What is it if you haven't heard about it already?

[26:52] Well, we did a live show.

[26:54] We talked about Three Men and a Baby.

[26:56] Halley Hagland was there.

[26:58] It was great.

[26:59] We had a team of dedicated professional cameramen, editors, lighters put this together.

[27:07] It looks cool.

[27:09] And you can watch it with us Sunday, August 4th.

[27:12] That's the live sort of event part of it.

[27:16] But also, if you don't see it then, if you get a ticket, you can watch it for two weeks

[27:21] thereafter as many times as you might like.

[27:25] So like I said, we talked about Three Men and a Baby.

[27:28] Elliott did a presentation about shitty 80s men.

[27:31] Stuart talked about turtles for some reason.

[27:34] I did possible reboots of Three Men as a presentation.

[27:38] All of those are on there.

[27:39] Usually, when you see a show or listen to a show, sorry, in the feed, you don't get those

[27:44] presentations.

[27:44] But here, you get to see the live PowerPoints that are honestly kind of my favorite part

[27:49] of the show.

[27:50] Go over to FlophousePodcast.com slash events and that'll take you to the ticket link where

[27:56] if you're interested to get VIP tickets, that gets you a chat with us one-on-one.

[28:03] You also get a limited print that is signed and numbered by me because I drew it.

[28:08] If you are able to watch on August 4th, we're going to be in the chat.

[28:11] That's the advantage of watching it at the debut time is we're in the chat watching

[28:17] along, responding to people, remembering what we said in real time because it's been

[28:22] a year or since we did this show.

[28:25] But again, there's a viewing window if you can't catch it then.

[28:28] So that's been a longer than I intended reminder about Three Men and a Hallie.

[28:33] But I hope you can go over to FlophousePodcast.com slash events and get your tickets there.

[28:39] And while you're at FlophousePodcast.com, why not sign up for our newsletter?

[28:45] There's a field on the front page where you just drop your email in there.

[28:50] And then every couple of weeks before the regular full-length shows, you'll get a newsletter

[28:56] written by me.

[28:57] It's got stuff like this that you may miss otherwise, but it's also got essays, funny

[29:03] things, stuff that makes it worth subscribing beyond just keeping up on Flophouse news.

[29:10] So we hope you can do both or either.

[29:13] Anyway, back to this very silly mini.

[29:17] Hey, this one, again, it's two humans talking to each other.

[29:23] One of them appears to have just invented the wheel, or perhaps the wheel has been extant

[29:28] for a while, but he has one.

[29:30] Yeah, he went to the store and bought a wheel.

[29:32] Yeah, in the distance, a brontosaurus looks on, or I guess it's a brachiosaurus because

[29:37] this refers to a brachiosaurus and it says-

[29:39] Use the clues, yeah.

[29:41] Go ahead and move on.

[29:44] How would you run over a brachiosaurus?

[29:46] And again-

[29:46] What's up there on the cliff with him?

[29:48] Is that a guy holding a saber?

[29:50] How do you-

[29:51] What's going on there?

[29:52] It's kind of like he's got a wheel and a long stick.

[29:54] Maybe that's the axle for the wheel.

[29:56] Now the brachiosaurus, I'm curious, it's in silhouette in the back.

[30:00] It's hard to see. Brachiosaurus has a very specific build.

[30:03] It's name means what? Long arm lizard because it's front arm or arm its front

[30:07] legs are longer than its back legs. Oh, that's pretty cool. Kind of like me. Yeah, exactly.

[30:13] Like a gorilla or a steward. Yeah. And it's got that bump on his forehead, on

[30:18] its head, so. Kind of like me. Yeah. I, um, so I don't, yeah, it's hard to say. In the

[30:26] distance, his legs are kind of, or hers, kind of obscured. Yeah. By. Let's not assume

[30:32] this Brachiosaurus is binary, Dan. Let's just say they're not. Yeah, no, the Brachiosaurus.

[30:36] So the answer, and this is a three pager. Jesus. Wow. We need three pages to finish

[30:40] this. Brachiosaurus is a big dinosaur. To refresh everyone's memory, the setup was,

[30:45] how would you run over a Brachiosaurus? And the answer is, I'd start at his tail, run

[30:49] up his back, then his neck and jump off his head. And so I think that the wheel is more

[30:56] good advice. Yeah. Yeah. The wheel I think is made as a misdirect to suggest like run

[31:00] over as in like a car. But again, back in dinosaur times, I don't think that would be

[31:06] what we would presume. So instead, of course, we have this illustration of this, uh, child

[31:14] running off of the Brachiosaurus kind of doing a reverse Fred Flintstone.

[31:19] It's a pretty delightful drawing, but I think it's a pretty poor joke. Uh, yeah. How is

[31:23] it as a representation of the Brachiosaurus? Because we talked about this. It's not great.

[31:26] It's the tail I think is too long. The head is not quite right, but the front legs are

[31:30] longer than the back legs, but it's kind of sitting down. So it's kind of hard to tell.

[31:33] I do like how the joke plays on our modern sensibilities that, uh, all means of conveyance

[31:39] are cars. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. It reminds me of, yeah. Oh, Dan, what do you say? Also,

[31:44] I don't know whether you guys have been sharp enough to catch up on catch, uh, this yet,

[31:48] but most of these jokes don't require dinosaurs. No, I was thinking that I was thinking that.

[31:53] Yeah. These are, it feels like they are, they are, uh, oldies with dinosaurs shoved into

[31:59] them. You know, it's the fucking spoonful of sugar, right? To get. Yeah. I mean, Elliot,

[32:04] you know, you gotta admit to yourself, you saw that there was a dinosaur joke book when

[32:08] you were a kid. Sure. Finally, someone had made dinosaurs the ultimate serious topic.

[32:12] Funny. Combined your. Yeah. Well, it was like when I was like, Ellie, you should really

[32:16] watch the Irishman. I think you'd really get a lot out of it. And you're like, I don't

[32:19] know. It seems like a lot of movie. I'm like, there's dinosaurs in it now. And you're like,

[32:23] Oh, watch it. And I'd be so mad as I watch it going, when are the dinosaurs going to

[32:28] show up? I'm two hours and 33 minutes in, there's no dinosaurs yet. And I go, Oh, Stuart

[32:33] meant that the elderly people are the dinosaurs in it. I see. And the special effects are

[32:38] kind of like dinosaur special. Yeah. Yeah. He, he meant the, he meant the, the old fashioned

[32:44] rules of mob violence that they live by is truly the dinosaur. That's exactly what I

[32:49] meant. I'm so glad you picked up on that. That was very, very poetic of you, Dan. I'll

[32:53] mention that there is a better and funnier issue there, better and funnier treatment

[32:58] of the idea of caveman car crashes, which is in one of the 2000 year old man albums.

[33:04] He talks about being run over by a dinosaur, I think, or run over by, I forgot what it is.

[33:08] I don't run over by a man on a, on a saber tooth tiger or something like that. And he

[33:12] goes, it goes, but I didn't have insurance. He didn't have insurance. It was 2000 years ago. We

[33:16] didn't know these things. It's really a set up for the insurance part. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, I mean,

[33:22] it is astounding. Maybe it's run over by four men carrying a log. I don't remember exactly what it

[33:26] is, but it is a tribute to the specific performance and wording skills of those men that they could

[33:33] make that premise work so well for so long. Yeah. It's where it was essentially just like,

[33:40] I like, you know, a guy talking about old stuff,

[33:44] sort of, you know, with the context of like, like with the affect of just like a dude,

[33:49] like, you know, well, specifically of an old Jewish man. Yeah. But we did a, those,

[33:54] those jokes still work. Recently, my family went to a weekend of family camp with our Cub Scout

[33:59] troop. My son's, I was worried you were about to say weekend at Bernie's and I'm like, that is not

[34:03] a family friendly trip. We went to weekend at Bernie's. Especially not the second one with all

[34:07] that, like a reanimated. Yeah. The, uh, so the, uh, we went, we, and, uh, there was a night where,

[34:18] uh, the, the campers were putting on skits and they were like, so if any adults can put on skits

[34:22] and I'm like, you bet I do. And so I edited together a script from different 2000 year old

[34:28] man bits. And my wife played Carl Reiner and I played Mel Brooks and the jokes went over very

[34:32] well. I was just copying Mel Brooks's delivery. I didn't add my own spin on it, but the jokes went

[34:37] over very well with the kids and you could tell none of them had heard any of this. They were not

[34:40] familiar with it. And you know, it was like a, I hope, I hope I made some young comedians that

[34:45] night, you know? So between this and the Simpsons thing, I guess Elliot's just a plagiarist.

[34:50] It's a, it's fine. That's the way he, uh, yeah. Cause all the jokes in the dinosaur joke book

[34:54] are original. Yeah. Um, so this, speaking of the lack of dinosaurs, this joke has no dinos

[35:02] at all. Um, it's a, a guy in sort of a toga, a barber figure, uh, with what, I guess these are

[35:11] stone scissors cause they're kind of blocky and a stone barber pole. Cause it's kind of,

[35:15] I mean, you can make pretty sharp stone weapons. I mean, they would use it. They were making

[35:19] cutting implements out of stone for thousands and thousands of years. I don't know if these

[35:24] sort of shears would be made out of stone, but I, I get your point. Uh, so this is,

[35:30] if you carved a statue of Rhonda here, that would be a sheer made of stone.

[35:34] He actually, he's got you there, Dan. Can you apologize to Elliot?

[35:40] I will accept that apology in writing though later if you want.

[35:44] Um, yeah, this is fully just turned into BC at this point. Um, so the barber says to the kid,

[35:50] so it's super Christian. Yeah. What is early BC when it was funny. Yeah. Okay.

[35:57] The barber says your hair needs cut cutting badly, Sonny.

[36:01] And the kid says, no, it needs cutting nicely. It was cut badly last time.

[36:07] Boom. Nope. Nope. Out of tradition. Here's what it looks like. Here's the picture. Yeah. Yeah.

[36:14] Oh yeah. It's even, yeah, it does have the barber pole stripes on the stone. Yeah.

[36:17] Kids, kids parse the darndest things.

[36:20] Um, that was what the Alan Parsons project was about. Really? Yeah. Um, yeah. So again,

[36:30] a wordplay joke, uh, as the father of two, uh, young boys, I would imagine this is right up

[36:37] their alley, that kind of incredibly. So they love to take a commonly accepted phrase and pick

[36:43] it apart literally in order to act like they're smarter than us. They do the same thing with

[36:48] smarter than us. They do the classic, uh, can you, will you, uh, can you do this thing for me?

[36:52] I go, yeah, I'll be there in just a minute. And then they'll go,

[36:55] it's been a minute. Where are you? You know, I'll do it in a second.

[36:58] One. Yeah. That's just like what Elliot.

[37:03] I don't like it when it's done to me. Yeah. The father of the man.

[37:06] Um, well, I mean, truly I was, I'm the father of these.

[37:10] It's a real cats in the cradle situation. Uh, okay. So I mean, if the cat in the,

[37:14] if cats in the cradle was about the, the, the, the, the son, not just be like ignoring his dad,

[37:20] the way he was ignored, but also being annoying about it, like being very irritating about it.

[37:24] Yeah. Now here's one of the more baffling, uh, jokes in the joke book because it introduces

[37:30] the character of Tarzan, a fully different thing. Uh, uh, Lord grace token. Yeah.

[37:37] Victorian era character now is known by the Edwardian. Uh, sure. But like,

[37:44] well around that zone, um, I mean, sure. It late 19th, early 20th century. Yeah. Sure.

[37:50] Yeah. What's your favorite film version of Tarzan?

[37:54] Uh, probably the Disney one. Cause that rock and Phil Collins song.

[37:57] That's fair. What's that erotic one Tarzan, the eight man. That's what it's called.

[38:04] Uh, that's not my favorite. Um, I think the Disney one is probably my favorite.

[38:08] It's pretty good. The animation on that is beautiful. It's not like story-wise,

[38:14] it's not sort of up to the horror and it's not very funny in the comedy stuff, but it is,

[38:19] the voice of the bad guy, the voice of the bad guy, somebody cool.

[38:22] Um, we'll figure it out. I mean, the old Tarzan movies have

[38:25] Maureen O'Sullivan in them who I love from the thing. So, you know what?

[38:29] Tarzan the eight man is a, is a really good one. That's a good one. Uh,

[38:36] and I'll watch anything with Maureen O'Sullivan in it.

[38:38] With my like horny joke about Bo Derek, uh, some, uh, was that, is that pre-code nudity

[38:44] or is it just, they threw it in? Oh man. We got Lance. We got Wayne Knight

[38:49] in the voice talent here. We got Brian blessed. Oh, I think he might be one of the elephants

[38:57] and uh, Tarzan voiced by Tony Goldwyn. Hell yeah. From cuffs. That's the main thing.

[39:10] Oh, I didn't mention Rosa. She wasn't even in like the top six listed cast. Wow.

[39:15] That's I feel like that's a racer. Yeah, that is. Um, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[39:22] It's a racer starring Arnold Schwarzenegger where they sing, uh, what songs do a racer sing?

[39:29] Wait, the movie a racer. Oh, the band a racer. Uh, that's what the movie is about.

[39:35] I don't know. They did a rail gun. The sequel or not take on me. Sorry. Uh,

[39:45] yeah, no, I'm what's the band. That's always surprising.

[39:48] The thing I love about the movie eraser is, uh, that it's taking a chance on me. That's what I

[39:53] was trying to think. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. The, uh, is the, the, the final fight is like,

[39:57] we get to watch Arnold Schwarzenegger.

[40:00] fight an old James Conn and I'm like at no point do I think James Conn's gonna

[40:04] win like he's like a crocodile right like there's CGI crocodile it was like

[40:10] a very early CGI thing yeah and he does say your luggage and I man I laughed my

[40:16] fucking ass so anyway this is this is it would have been more accurate to say

[40:21] you're a belt and boots in all cases sad because that is the the reptile skin

[40:28] trade is horrible yeah we don't support it certainly this is both a curious

[40:34] inclusion in this dinosaur joke book Tarzan yeah putting Tarzan in here a

[40:39] character that I guess they're just like I don't know anyone who wears a loin

[40:43] cloth is the same is okay I mean or maybe they're trying to check they're

[40:46] trying to tie the dinosaur joke book into into Philip Farmer's Wold Newton

[40:51] series of novels where where he connects all the old characters from pulp novels

[40:55] maybe that's it okay I want this to be part of it could be this appears to be a

[41:00] joke being told to a young child by a stegosaur and this this this joke turns

[41:08] on the existence of the character boy in Tarzan oh okay so okay it also requires

[41:15] some knowledge of Tarzan I mean if this is coming out for kid in the 60s they

[41:20] probably know some stuff about sure sure sure I'm just yeah again for a dinosaur

[41:25] in schools yeah find Tarzan John Carter Mars all that crap yeah that was that

[41:31] was the English curriculum mm-hmm here have this Doc Savage book they said as

[41:36] you walked into this is all you need to know it says what did Tarzan say to boy

[41:43] when you saw an old stegosaur coming toward them in the forest and the answer

[41:49] is oh boy there's an old stegosaur coming towards us in the forest and here

[41:55] of course visualization of Tarzan delivering that clunker we don't even

[42:01] get to see the stegosaurus I guess yeah it's just a picture of Tarzan pointing

[42:05] off off panel and his monkey pal or chimpanzee perhaps yeah cheetah the

[42:10] chimpanzee yeah yeah again it's the kind of thing that all kids at that era would

[42:13] know mm-hmm yeah so to me I mean do you think Tarzan was just included just so

[42:19] that everyone's like oh yeah Tarzan's in this I love Tarzan maybe yeah they were

[42:24] like the dinosaurs aren't enough to get kids in we better throw famous Tarzan in

[42:28] there well that's I you know I far be it for me I'm sorry I don't want to

[42:32] besmirch you Sam Berman but this one like it seems like it's the odd joke

[42:38] out to include this Tarzan joke in here and perhaps it could be justified if it

[42:44] was the funniest joke in the book but it is perhaps the weakest so I think it's

[42:49] included orally this was a mistake do you think it's included to make all the

[42:53] other jokes seem funnier that's possible you always gotta put a dud in there to

[42:57] make the others look like studs yeah mm-hmm it's like how at the Daily Show

[43:02] when we had the one warm-up comic who was mean to the audience like the show

[43:06] was a lot better because everyone was primed for John to be nice to them I

[43:10] mean that's one of the reasons too I mean it felt like the comic was he would

[43:14] sacrifice a couple members of the audience in order to get the other

[43:17] members the audience laughing I'm and the thing is if I was in that audience I

[43:22] a thousand percent guarantee he would pick on me I always get fucking picked

[43:26] you do always get picked on there's something about you that just draws the

[43:29] ire of comedians I don't know yeah I'm sorry Stuart you're sitting next to me

[43:34] and you're like there's something about me that always makes me get picked Dan

[43:41] he gets picked on by comedians you get picked on by everyone else mm-hmm I guess

[43:46] that's a fair trade yeah so this but when you're sitting in a comedy audience

[43:50] no one touches you they're like that guy's had enough we don't we don't that

[43:53] would be yeah no they yeah they're like I don't know what he's hiding under that

[43:58] jacket like it might be a machete Elliot yeah yeah okay sure so this is a

[44:08] sink this is a single pager but it's a tool paneler so that now we're moving

[44:12] into a comic format is out the sequential art yeah yeah they I will

[44:18] edited this part so the first picture the there's a guy a caveman talking to a

[44:30] lady caveman sure it was a Marvel Comics character it would be called lady or she

[44:39] caveman yeah would be amazing oh so he goes I love you Lulu will you marry me

[44:46] she says have you seen my father and he says yes but I love you just the same

[44:52] and the last panel he is carrying her by her hair having knocked her out in

[45:00] classic and by say I don't say classic in quality I mean just it's just an old

[45:04] sexist joke about cave yeah yeah not something you endorsed the dragging of

[45:09] women by the hair well I mean certainly not after she has already agreed to marry

[45:12] you I don't like the way you put that you're leaving a little gray area for it

[45:17] to win someone over by doing that and if you're gonna be dragging her around by

[45:21] her hair you got to get closer to the scalp or else it's gonna hurt uh yeah no

[45:26] no I think the flop house podcast is against dragging people around by the

[45:30] 100% against that I wasn't going to leave any gray area just it's just it's

[45:35] just even there's even less motivation for this villain is what I'm saying and

[45:39] so what I don't really I don't understand the joke uh I love you Lulu

[45:43] will you marry me have you seen my father she means like have you talked to

[45:47] my father about me and he's saying yes but I love you anyway this is a double

[45:52] relic of an older time because he also needed to ask for her hand in marriage

[45:57] even though these are again cave people who do not have these societal

[46:01] expectations we don't know that no Elliot did you ask did you ask your

[46:07] wife's father for permission to ask I did but it was more as more of a show

[46:12] of risk like kind of respect to him I didn't if he said no I said he said what

[46:16] if I say no and I said well we're still gonna do it but it'll be nice if you say yes

[46:20] Elliot pulls out a switchblade yeah that's and then I just dragged her away

[46:26] by the hair he said no but but the I didn't really and but I so my problem

[46:30] here was I didn't I didn't get the right wrong meaning of the of the line when

[46:36] she said have you seen my father I assumed it meant the first time have you

[46:39] seen what my father looks like not have you seen my father about the business of

[46:43] asking for my hand in marriage so this is one where unfortunately I was ahead

[46:47] of the joke in a way that hurt the joke you know this otherwise perfectly I mean

[46:51] yeah that's a you know is it that's a occupational hazard Elliot that you're

[46:56] always ahead of the joke that's true yeah you find fewer things funny because

[46:59] of it that's incredibly true yeah yeah I was watching something with with my

[47:04] son's recently in a character got hit and then said that's gonna leave a mark

[47:07] and I went on a rant about how how how hacky that line is and they did not

[47:12] understand didn't care didn't understand this is like this is why I like baseball

[47:18] dad tell me that it's hacky and baseball don't lie the deli just gave us a little

[47:25] preview about the movie he's gonna recommend on the next full episode yes

[47:29] that one that's actually I don't I don't know Tommy boy that familiarly so

[47:38] I refer to it as Thomas man oh sure yeah yeah you're just confused you're like the

[47:43] famous author this is about when he was a young fellow mm-hmm don't worry we're

[47:49] in the homestretch I have David Spade place in this Thomas man bio so here we

[47:57] have two cave people down at the bottom of a large tree with a tail coming out

[48:06] of it okay good there is a dinosaur element to this there's a dinosaur

[48:09] hidden within the canopy of this tree and the one cave person says how did

[48:15] that stegosaurus ever get up into that oak tree and then you turn the page it

[48:21] goes well he sat down on an acorn and waited and I want to show you the way

[48:29] but once you this drawing where that seems like there's a lot of like sort of

[48:33] action lines coming yeah like bursting with light yeah like fucking Paul yeah

[48:38] did the ink on this one like maybe the maybe the acorn was growing into a tree

[48:43] very quickly and it entered the face that's both surprise and delight so it

[48:49] looks like a look of pleasure yeah yeah what sort of Dinah would you say this is

[48:53] I mean it's got plates on its back the head is not quite right but and the neck

[49:00] is too long but it's but it's really good yeah it looks like a stegosaurus

[49:06] with the wrong neck and head was put on it by paleontologists that didn't really

[49:10] know what they were doing yeah now obviously this is like a turtle head

[49:15] this is meant to be a joke but as as many in this Dino joke Burke there's a

[49:20] pearl of wisdom here which is you know something that seems insurmountable

[49:26] impossible you just you just start small you know you sit on that acorn yeah

[49:31] it's like that that whether the ant pulling the rubber tree plant whatever in

[49:35] the high hopes song yeah then God willing you'll be stuck in a tree what

[49:40] you finally wanted to be up in a tree where you can only fall and break your

[49:45] that's the thing about ambition right is you put all this effort into chasing a

[49:49] dream only to realize that your tree you're now a prisoner to that very same

[49:52] dream right there he was you were like I want to be a famous podcaster and now

[49:56] look at you now I'm stuck doing this instead of being out with my

[50:00] on vacation.

[50:01] I suck at watching bad movies rather than...

[50:04] I feel like that's a skill issue.

[50:10] They don't show the stores of food that he must have had to put in to not die of starvation

[50:14] while sitting there waiting for that acorn to grow.

[50:16] I mean, for the beginning of it, probably, it was small enough that he could just get

[50:20] off and get on as needed.

[50:21] At a certain point, it got so tall that he couldn't do that easily.

[50:25] There's probably a point where he became such a staple in his local community that

[50:31] maybe a cult grew up around him and he was offered sacrifices, or as we call them, little

[50:37] treats throughout the day.

[50:40] In that early draft of Horton Hatches the Egg, where they do build a religion around

[50:44] the egg-laying elephant and they're killing the animals that disagree with the idea of

[50:48] an elephant sitting on an egg, yeah.

[50:51] I like that more extreme, grimdark version of Horton Hatches the Egg.

[50:55] That was when Dr. Seuss and Cormac McCarthy were working together on the book, yeah.

[50:59] Man, so fucking twisted.

[51:00] Yeah.

[51:01] What's in that egg that he hatched?

[51:04] All of man's evil.

[51:06] Yeah.

[51:07] Uh-oh, whoops.

[51:08] Sort of a Pandora's Egg.

[51:11] So this is the final joke.

[51:12] Guys, we've come to the end of a real journey here, just as I presume you will when you

[51:18] finish the Power Broker on the Power Broker series.

[51:21] What are you guys doing, like a page, page and episode, two pages and episodes?

[51:26] Two pages and an episode, so it's going to be 650 episodes, and we're doing 100 pages

[51:31] an episode.

[51:32] Wow.

[51:33] It'll take us a year to get through it.

[51:34] But we should have just done this Dinosaur Jokes book.

[51:37] We'd have the same philosophical and also ideological discussions about life in a city

[51:43] and how you build it for a human being.

[51:45] I feel like you'd get the same caliber of guests, too, because everybody loves fucking

[51:49] dinosaurs, don't you?

[51:50] Yeah.

[51:51] Pete Buttigieg, would you come and talk to us about Dinosaur Jokes?

[51:53] AOC, you want to talk about Dinosaur Jokes?

[51:55] Yes, of course.

[51:56] Steven Spielberg, he made a dino movie.

[51:58] Did he?

[51:59] Yeah.

[52:00] He made more than one dino movie.

[52:01] Always.

[52:02] Yeah.

[52:03] They're in the background.

[52:04] Jaws?

[52:05] They're usually mostly in oil form in the tanks of cars.

[52:09] Yeah, yeah.

[52:10] I mean, well, then most movies are dino movies if you consider the gasoline inside of machines.

[52:16] Yeah.

[52:17] Yeah.

[52:18] Anyway.

[52:19] Yeah.

[52:20] Technically, birds are dinosaurs.

[52:21] So that's a lot of movies that are now.

[52:23] What is it?

[52:24] What's the one where the bird does a double take when James Bond goes on?

[52:27] Moonraker.

[52:28] Yeah.

[52:29] The triple take.

[52:30] The triple take.

[52:31] So that's a dinosaur movie.

[52:32] Technically, it's got a bird in it.

[52:33] Yeah.

[52:34] So, listeners, you know what you got to do?

[52:35] You got to go put that dinosaur tag on every IMG movie.

[52:37] Yeah.

[52:38] Yeah.

[52:39] Go to your local library, rearrange the DVDs so that they're on the dino movies.

[52:43] Make a sticker with a dinosaur footprint that says D and put that on all the movies.

[52:47] Yeah.

[52:49] If you put everything to the dinosaur section, then it just sort of regains equilibrium and

[52:53] is arranged like it was before.

[52:54] Like you said, it's the everything museum.

[52:56] So the dinosaur, the dinosaur section just becomes the video store.

[53:00] Also, from the entrance to the library to the digital dinosaur section, you got to put

[53:08] little stickers on the ground that look like dinosaur footprints with a sign that says

[53:11] kids walk this way to get to your dinosaur videos.

[53:14] Yeah.

[53:15] And then you just pass right by the phrase digital dinosaur, which I think, oh man, should

[53:22] be a band.

[53:23] Right.

[53:24] Yeah.

[53:25] Yeah.

[53:26] Awesome.

[53:27] Or like an amazing early CGI movie, like a virtuosity style dinosaur came out of the

[53:31] video game.

[53:32] It's a real life.

[53:33] Oh, man.

[53:34] Like that's that's that should have been brain scan to write.

[53:37] Yeah.

[53:38] Yeah.

[53:39] Sure.

[53:40] Brain scan to the dinosaurs.

[53:41] Now, tricksters, the dinosaur.

[53:42] Yeah.

[53:44] Well, we have here.

[53:45] Yeah.

[53:46] And this drawing is there's two cave people up in the top of a tree.

[53:50] They've over the stegosaurus was before.

[53:52] Is it the same tree or a different tree?

[53:54] No, this one's sort of a this looks like kind of a early palm tree, maybe.

[54:00] OK.

[54:01] They have lowered a noose down.

[54:03] Oh, they're like that.

[54:06] Well, it's it's not like the hanging noose.

[54:09] It's a it's a catching noose.

[54:10] It's more of a lasso lasso.

[54:13] Let's call it that.

[54:14] And it and there's a footprint in front of the tree and it says, how do you say this

[54:19] way to the digital dinos get those kids?

[54:24] How do you catch a brontosaurus?

[54:25] And if you turn the page, the answer comes back, hide in the grass and make a noise like

[54:31] a vegetable.

[54:32] So, oh, so but they're in a tree, you said, well, I think it's you can see here there's

[54:40] the tree.

[54:41] Yeah.

[54:42] And then I think this is their compatriot down on the ground.

[54:46] Oh, I see.

[54:48] Who is trying to lure the dino by with his vegetable calls.

[54:51] And I'll say that it's it's a commendable attempt to draw somebody hiding in the high

[54:56] grass.

[54:57] Mm hmm.

[54:58] Does it necessitate an entire page?

[55:00] Probably not.

[55:01] Yeah.

[55:02] It's also a commendable, you know, attempt to inform the reader about the vegetarian

[55:07] nature of the brontosaurus.

[55:09] True.

[55:10] Yeah.

[55:12] Anyway, so, yeah, that was a that was our mini.

[55:17] And obviously, it should be the very first episode of the show you recommend to anyone.

[55:22] And when Dan when Dan texted us ahead of time and said this mini is going to get a new level

[55:28] of dumb.

[55:29] Yeah.

[55:30] Or whatever.

[55:31] However, you put it.

[55:32] You know, I said there's no way there's no way so many dumb episodes before it can't

[55:36] get any dumber.

[55:37] Yeah.

[55:38] Excellent interview.

[55:39] How do you think I did on the level?

[55:40] Do you think in terms of non-essential ways to not essential audio to listen to, you've

[55:46] somehow topped the episode where you took us through descriptions of different enormous

[55:50] Johnson T-shirts.

[55:51] Yeah, that's true.

[55:52] What about that PowerPoint presentation that was about mustard to the universe?

[55:59] That was also incredibly essential, inessential and yeah, yeah, that's that's the secret sauce

[56:06] I bring to the show.

[56:07] Yeah.

[56:08] Um, no, but for real dumb is also deep for Dan.

[56:11] If this is a thing that you like, you're not going to get it anywhere else.

[56:14] So do we get laws against it?

[56:18] Become a member, you know, where else are you going to see analysis of 1960s dinosaur

[56:24] joke books?

[56:25] But on this movie podcast, the flop has.

[56:28] This is why, look, our National Endowment for the Arts funding you support nonsense

[56:35] like this.

[56:37] I called up the MacArthur Genius Grant people and they laughed at me.

[56:39] I couldn't even finish getting the name of the podcast out.

[56:43] But that's me.

[56:44] We are a comedy show.

[56:45] If they're laughing, we're doing something right.

[56:49] And that is the show.

[56:52] This wasn't just the warmup.

[56:53] Yeah, this was the long Garfield style intro to our we're not just talking about birthday

[56:58] buddies.

[56:59] We're going to be talking about the Muppets now.

[57:05] We're signing off.

[57:07] Now, after we've had that one hour warmup of talking about dinosaur jokes, it's time

[57:10] to talk about guys.

[57:11] What do you think happens when we die?

[57:13] It's a very serious conversation.

[57:18] We're on the Maximum Fun Network, as I mentioned.

[57:20] If you remember, you support us.

[57:22] We speaking of membership, we will have those Boko episodes out soon.

[57:28] We did record a joy six episode.

[57:30] That's that'll be the first of those.

[57:32] It will be out on the feed very soon.

[57:36] Perhaps by the time this actually makes air, who knows?

[57:40] But that's going on.

[57:44] And I want to thank our producer, Alex Smith, who will be putting together that bonus feed

[57:49] content.

[57:50] He does great work for us on the main on the bonus.

[57:55] He does the little videos that you see on Instagram.

[57:57] If you don't follow us on Instagram, you should follow us because there's a little videos

[58:00] of us.

[58:01] So you can see the actual visuals that go with some of this if you go to that and become

[58:10] a follower there on Instagram.

[58:12] But that's enough end of the show rambling.

[58:16] I've been Dan McCoy.

[58:18] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[58:20] Whoa.

[58:21] I rambled so long that I got lost in his bonk on the head by a dinosaur coconut.

[58:26] And I'm Elliot Kalin, or as they call me in dinosaur times, Elliot Kalin.

[58:32] I. They don't really call me about the apocalypse, wasn't really talking about, oh, yeah, they

[58:37] call me that in both places, but in both times, yeah.

[58:46] Maximum fun, a worker owned network of artists owned shows supported directly by you.

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