Ep.#432 - IF, Live!

[0:00] Hey everybody, remember Flop TV, the one hour online video version of the Flophouse podcast

[0:05] that we produced last year?

[0:06] Well I'm excited to tell you it is coming back.

[0:09] Flop TV 2, the sequel, will be broadcasting live to your computer screen the first Saturday

[0:14] of every month from September through February.

[0:17] We're talking only about sequels this season, RoboCop 2, Break-In 2, Highlander 2, Caddyshack

[0:24] 2, Ski School 2, and Ninja Turtles 2, The Secret of the U's.

[0:27] It's going to be all new jokes, all new presentations, movies we have never covered on the show before,

[0:32] all in a tight one hour-ish package.

[0:36] Can't join us the night of the show?

[0:37] That's okay.

[0:38] The videos for every episode will remain online through the end of February, so you can binge

[0:42] them or dole them out as you prefer.

[0:45] So that's Flop TV 2, the first Saturday of every month from September through February.

[0:50] For tickets and more information, go to flophousepodcast.com slash events, again that's flophousepodcast.com

[0:56] slash events, Flop TV 2, everything you loved about Flop TV, but again.

[1:03] On this episode, we discuss If, live from Boston, Massachusetts!

[1:26] Thank you.

[1:39] We are absolutely swimming in beans.

[1:44] So this is the Flophouse, it's a podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[1:49] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:50] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:51] I'm Elliot Kaelin, and together we are the Flophouse.

[1:54] That might confuse the live audience who already heard this spiel, but we're resetting.

[2:00] Nice use of the word spiel.

[2:03] Well, they thought they fell into a time tunnel.

[2:06] Right.

[2:07] Okay.

[2:08] There are a lot of those in Boston, yeah.

[2:10] The big dig, I think they call it.

[2:12] When they dug that time tunnel, the dig was too big and they went into the past and the

[2:18] future.

[2:19] Oh, yeah, traffic to the 13th century was terrible today.

[2:24] Good thing I got this Dunkin' coffee to power me through it.

[2:27] Do you guys feel like we're on a local public affairs program with this set up?

[2:34] Yeah, I love it.

[2:35] Yeah, we're here at WBUR City Space, a public radio mecca headquarters performance venue,

[2:42] and yeah, it feels like we're here to talk about local zoning issues that may not be

[2:46] sexy, but will affect you.

[2:50] I wish we could have zoned this movie out of existence, Elliot.

[2:55] I zoned out watching it.

[2:56] Dan's showing his hand here.

[2:57] Oh, give me a third zone, Dan, I need it.

[3:02] The Twilight Zone is another zone?

[3:04] You just told me to give me one.

[3:05] Oh, that's true.

[3:06] I should have specified I wanted another play on words about the movie versus zoning.

[3:09] I'll be more specific next time.

[3:11] That's a good note for me.

[3:12] Stuart, you're the one who took notes on this movie, because you, of course, love John

[3:17] Krasinski.

[3:18] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3:19] I've got to get this out of the way.

[3:21] We watched the movie If, which stands for Imaginary Friends, and it's from the imagination

[3:27] of John Krasinski.

[3:28] Written and directed.

[3:29] Written and directed, and he's in it.

[3:31] And I am known for not being a huge fan of this fellow's work.

[3:35] And I find this personally hilarious, because I have no opinion about John Krasinski one

[3:39] way or the other.

[3:40] So the fact that, Stuart, it means so much to him to be bristling at him, the same way

[3:44] that when my grandmother years ago, when she was still alive, she sent me a letter when

[3:49] George W. Bush was president that said, I've hate him more than any politician in my lifetime

[3:53] except Thomas Dewey.

[3:55] And I was like, all right, let's get into this.

[3:57] I've never heard anyone have an opinion about Thomas Dewey before.

[4:00] What was the dish on that?

[4:02] She said he would say anything to get elected.

[4:05] Well, I got to say, I used to be an Elliott, but after watching If, I'm swinging over to

[4:10] the Stuart side of the equation.

[4:12] We'll talk about it.

[4:13] Yes.

[4:14] So we are talking about If.

[4:15] OK.

[4:16] I mean, I do need to point out ahead of time, I don't like John Krasinski and partially

[4:23] for plot reasons, almost every male character in this movie looks like John Krasinski or

[4:29] at least some variation on a theme.

[4:31] And it doesn't.

[4:32] I'm not into it.

[4:33] OK.

[4:34] So the movie opens.

[4:35] There's a bunch of little notes in there, don't like cameos, what, Coney Island, Brooklyn.

[4:42] Not fun.

[4:43] Yeah, I can agree with that.

[4:44] All right.

[4:45] Fun's important.

[4:46] OK.

[4:47] So the movie opens with very special If credits.

[4:50] There's a kid's painting style Paramount logo just to get.

[4:53] So they are all in there like this is going to be a huge hit.

[4:56] This will redefine our studio and then we'll get purchased finally.

[5:02] And it's always fun when a movie that doesn't do well has those because you're like, yeah,

[5:06] this is your dark universe moment.

[5:07] Nothing beats that moment when that dark universe logo comes up and you're like, this is the

[5:11] one time you're going to use that.

[5:13] And you think that it's going to last a long time.

[5:15] Yeah.

[5:16] So the movie opens with a family staying at their grandma's house.

[5:19] And by house, I mean Brooklyn Heights apartment that is incredible.

[5:23] That's the most believable imaginary thing in this movie is this amazing apartment with

[5:27] like a beautiful view of the Brooklyn Bridge.

[5:29] I'm getting way in the weeds here.

[5:31] No, no.

[5:32] The Boston audience is going to love this, but it's just this amazing apartment.

[5:35] I love it.

[5:36] OK.

[5:37] So this family staying at their grandma's house played by Fiona Shaw and they it's told

[5:42] from the perspective of a little girl, Elizabeth B. And her mother is dying of cancer.

[5:48] And John Krasinski is, I don't know, being a clown goofing around.

[5:52] This is well, this is all shot.

[5:54] This is like a montage that's shown.

[5:55] It's got a filter on it as if it's like 70s home film, like it's a 16 millimeter film

[6:00] or an eight millimeter film.

[6:01] But when their camcorder is clearly a DV camcorder, but they put like an old look on it to show

[6:06] that it was the past.

[6:07] But it was like a year ago.

[6:09] So I don't.

[6:10] But but yeah, it's it's they're trying to cheer up their daughter while the mother slips

[6:14] away.

[6:15] And it's it could be very sad.

[6:16] Right.

[6:17] Mm hmm.

[6:18] I think I'm sure that they are trying to go for a like beginning of up sort of.

[6:21] Yes.

[6:22] They even use the same composer to make the music in this movie.

[6:25] No interest.

[6:26] Yeah.

[6:27] It's not as successful.

[6:28] Yeah.

[6:29] So, you know, the movie fades to black and we get a black by Metallica and suddenly it

[6:36] kicks into a whole new gear.

[6:40] The movie skips forward now.

[6:42] B is all grown up.

[6:43] She's all grown up.

[6:44] She's 12 years old now.

[6:45] Yeah, she's not older.

[6:46] Let's let's be clear.

[6:48] No one on the flop house thinks 12 years old is all grown up.

[6:51] Nobody.

[6:52] She's a child.

[6:53] Good save.

[6:54] Although a big theme of the movie is her recognizing that she is a child.

[6:57] Yeah.

[6:58] She's wearing this.

[6:59] I guess it's like don't talk about what she's wearing.

[7:02] Come on.

[7:03] I'm not what it's like.

[7:06] It's like they're like overalls, but they're like styled.

[7:08] So they're like wearing like suspenders like it's also whimsical.

[7:13] Like everyone in this movie, like where suspenders around and like it is about to like dance

[7:18] with a lamp.

[7:19] But there are times when this movie is trying so hard for the kind of effortless tree that

[7:25] Wes Anderson can just pull out of his butt at a moment's notice, even to the point later

[7:29] on of a slow-mo walking sequence set to, I think, a song that he uses in one of the other

[7:33] movies.

[7:34] Right.

[7:35] So like it's he's not quite pulling it off.

[7:36] He's not pulling off the sad, beautiful of up or the kind of beautiful tree of Wes Anderson.

[7:42] He's instead kind of Krasinski it, you know, just kind of in the middle.

[7:45] So we see B is grown up, like slightly grown up.

[7:48] Yes.

[7:49] Slightly older.

[7:50] A few years older.

[7:51] She she doesn't think she's a kid anymore.

[7:53] However, she's back in grandma's house.

[7:56] We believe some kind of time has passed, but it's weird that for some reason they began

[8:01] in not their home and then she's back in.

[8:03] I don't know.

[8:04] For some reason, whenever someone in the family is sick and has to go to the hospital, they

[8:08] go to the grandma's house.

[8:10] And I get it now because she only has one parent, as we'll find that parent is in the

[8:13] hospital when she when her dad was still around.

[8:15] I don't know why they went to the grandma's house to sit out this illness.

[8:18] But I mean, it's a really nice apartment, a very nice apartment.

[8:22] I get the feeling that they used to live there when the mom was alive and then they went

[8:28] back there for some reason, just, I guess, to like really like hammer home those feelings

[8:32] of like, you might lose this parent, too, kid.

[8:36] But like the weird thing about it is like, you know, like the grandmother is taking care

[8:41] of B and Krasinski, who's in the, you know, the hospital for what they tweetly call a

[8:49] broken heart.

[8:50] Like he has some heart condition is like broke.

[8:53] I'm sure you'll get into this.

[8:54] I'm sorry to take over here, but like he's like, go out there that you are so engaged

[8:58] with the plot of the movie that you can summarize it.

[9:00] So I do it.

[9:01] I apologize.

[9:02] But I'm really I'm I'm feeling a little boy grew up like this.

[9:05] Yeah.

[9:06] I'm just I'm so like this baffles me because he's like, I want you to go out there and

[9:09] live life.

[9:10] And I'm like, this kid is 12.

[9:12] Like she spent so much of this movie unsupervised wandering around New York.

[9:17] I'm like, I guess she's out of school because of the sickness.

[9:20] But like the grandma is not looking after what's going on.

[9:23] Like the guy was like, yeah, just do whatever kid.

[9:27] The grandma's kind of constantly twittering with anxiety.

[9:29] And she has her own story that never gets told about why she has no no confidence about

[9:34] anything.

[9:35] And at one point, she's like, I hope you like this pizza.

[9:37] I got all the different kinds because I didn't know what you like.

[9:40] And it's like, grandma, just ask your granddaughter what kind of pizza she wants in order.

[9:44] It's OK.

[9:45] I don't I don't know if kids have opinions on pizza.

[9:50] Kids are very reticent to share their thoughts about pizza with grownups.

[9:54] So yeah, as as we covered, she's staying with grandma, even though she's not a kid anymore,

[9:59] she insists.

[10:00] and her dad is in the hospital and she visits her dad

[10:03] and he's like, does all kinds of like goofy magic tricks.

[10:06] He does like a dance routine with his IV pole,

[10:08] like he's put a mop on it to look like a wig

[10:10] and googly eyes and he's like doing like a Fred Astaire

[10:12] type dance number and the whole time I was like,

[10:15] if you drop that and it just rips the IV right out

[10:18] of your arm, that's gonna hurt so bad.

[10:20] But the nurse thinks it is adorable.

[10:23] Yeah, the nurse played by, I forget the character's name,

[10:25] but from the bear, the one of the.

[10:28] I forget the character and the actress's name.

[10:30] But she's great in the bear and she's pretty good in this,

[10:32] too, and I'll say this right off the bat.

[10:34] Okay, you're gonna hear us criticize this movie a lot,

[10:36] I think, rightfully, but I think there are a number

[10:40] of very good performances in this movie

[10:42] and the main girl is great, I think.

[10:44] I think she does a fantastic job.

[10:46] She's carrying this whole movie and she does it really well

[10:49] and it makes me wonder if John Krasinski's strength

[10:50] is directing actors and not writing, you know.

[10:55] Or the rest of it.

[10:56] Or the other things, but I think you get

[10:58] some good performances out of these actors.

[11:00] No comment.

[11:01] And there's a line here where Bea is interacting

[11:07] with her dad and she's like, life doesn't have to be fun.

[11:10] I feel like that is the message, that is the thing

[11:12] that the movie has to beat out of her.

[11:14] They have to make her believe life is fun.

[11:17] Well, and this is a, like, this movie,

[11:19] it's got a pro-fun and a pro-imagination message,

[11:23] which is great, but the fact that her.

[11:25] It's not fun.

[11:26] It's not fun.

[11:27] She's going through something traumatic.

[11:28] Like, she might lose her second parent,

[11:30] which are all those.

[11:30] And the idea that the movie is like,

[11:32] hey, smile on through it.

[11:34] You're not allowed to have these bad feelings.

[11:35] Like, that's a pretty toxic message.

[11:37] Like, hey, kids, tamp it down.

[11:40] Shove it in, bottle it up.

[11:42] Keep that smile plastered on your face, you know.

[11:45] We got a, no, the nurse was Liza Colon Zayas.

[11:50] So.

[11:51] Perfect pronunciation.

[11:52] Well, I, I.

[11:54] She's great.

[11:55] I like her a lot.

[11:56] I thought it was more important.

[11:57] Such an uncalled for roast.

[12:00] I thought it was more important to credit her

[12:03] than to, than I knew that the,

[12:05] I knew that the ire was going to come.

[12:07] Yeah, right, yeah.

[12:08] No, it was.

[12:09] No, you threw yourself on that name grenade,

[12:10] and I appreciate it.

[12:11] Thank you.

[12:12] So, Bea goes back to her grandma's house.

[12:14] She goes through the, like, old toys and stuff.

[12:17] She finds the old video camera that they recorded.

[12:20] A lot of footage of her dressed up as Tina Turner.

[12:23] Yeah.

[12:24] Which is cool.

[12:25] There's a, there's a thing that is very prevalent

[12:28] in movies now, where modern day kids love the music

[12:33] that was current when the person making the movie did it.

[12:36] Like in the 80s, everybody loved fucking music

[12:39] from the 50s.

[12:40] It was all doo-wop stuff, that's true.

[12:42] And when, I mean, our kids.

[12:43] Like everyone's singing like

[12:44] Money, Money and Crap like that, or whatever.

[12:47] Is that, is that a 50s song or an 80s song, am I?

[12:50] I mean, I.

[12:50] Do I, did it all blend together in my brain?

[12:51] I think it was a cover, but I mean, all time is one.

[12:53] You know, we're just, you know, it's,

[12:55] Well, it's also hard to say because so many bands

[12:57] from the 80s, because there were people who grew up earlier

[13:00] or listened to that music, did sort of retro 50s styling.

[13:03] So it all mushes together.

[13:05] Look, you're talking to a Blondie fan, I know, exactly.

[13:07] Yeah, they did a lot of that.

[13:08] Well, we're getting lost in the sauce guys.

[13:09] So she finds all this stuff.

[13:11] She, and then she goes to her bodega.

[13:14] This is another scene where like every scene in Brooklyn,

[13:18] Brooklyn is abandoned.

[13:19] She's like the only person ever walking around.

[13:22] And I'm like, there'd be at least one

[13:24] weird guy yelling at her on the street.

[13:26] Oh, Stuart.

[13:27] She's only, she's like a little kid

[13:28] walking around by herself.

[13:29] Did you notice the text at the beginning that said,

[13:31] PS, this movie takes place

[13:32] right after the day of the comet.

[13:35] I mean, that would make sense

[13:36] because the Janusz Kaminski cinematography

[13:38] is all sunbeams all the time.

[13:41] It's just so much like warm glow.

[13:44] But the city is abandoned, deserted,

[13:47] still beautiful, but deserted.

[13:49] And this will come up.

[13:50] When we get to the Coney Island sequence,

[13:51] I'll complain about it.

[13:52] So she's being stalked by an animated bug lady.

[13:57] That sounds so much more exciting than it is.

[13:59] I know, and I'm like,

[13:59] it's not like Devorah from Mortal Kombat, guys.

[14:02] Don't get excited.

[14:04] It's just a normal bug lady voiced by Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

[14:07] Yeah, I was like, fuck you movie

[14:08] for making me mad at Phoebe Waller-Bridge.

[14:10] Hey, she's just gotta get that paycheck, Dan.

[14:13] So she's being stalked.

[14:15] Wait, what?

[14:16] She's a flea, bag.

[14:17] Oh, right, right, right.

[14:19] Yeah, so I referenced the thing she's best known for.

[14:22] I'm sorry that that confused you two guys.

[14:24] You're right.

[14:25] She is experienced at playing.

[14:26] Being a bag of fleas.

[14:28] So this bug lady's name is Blossom,

[14:30] not the TV show Blossom, a different one.

[14:33] Yeah, true, good point.

[14:33] And B notices her, but doesn't quite see her.

[14:37] It is very funny that the bug lady is not named B,

[14:40] but is named Blossom.

[14:41] Yeah, no, that's a good point.

[14:42] So she-

[14:43] It's not that funny.

[14:45] I mean, it's not like-

[14:45] Something tells me you don't think

[14:46] that was a very good point.

[14:47] No, I'm pretty sure he liked it.

[14:52] Yeah.

[14:54] So B tries to follow Blossom back to,

[14:57] and she, like what, follows her back to an apartment,

[15:01] above her apartment.

[15:02] Her building, which I wasn't clear about at first.

[15:04] It looked like she was sneaking into a different building.

[15:06] And it wasn't until later that I was like,

[15:08] oh, that's where she lives, okay.

[15:09] So she didn't have to go outside at all.

[15:13] The next day she goes and visits her dad.

[15:18] He does, you know, like we know

[15:19] he's gonna have to have a surgery.

[15:21] He set up some kind of a prank

[15:22] where it looks like he crawled out the window.

[15:24] He didn't, don't worry, guys.

[15:26] And then-

[15:28] She meets her friend Benjamin, the kid with broken bones.

[15:30] Okay, yep.

[15:31] And that's the thing.

[15:32] My wife pointed out, like,

[15:33] would a kid with broken bones

[15:35] spend that much time in the hospital?

[15:37] He seems to continually break them.

[15:39] So it's possible they're breaking while he's there.

[15:41] Or-

[15:42] They don't specifically-

[15:43] Because they're worried, like, his parents might-

[15:44] Well, he's like, I break bones a lot.

[15:46] My arm, my leg.

[15:48] I'm like, yeah, services should come

[15:50] and look at this family.

[15:51] Well, I think it's implied.

[15:53] It's never said explicitly, but I'm like,

[15:55] is this like a Mr. Glass situation?

[15:57] Oh, he's a supervillain.

[15:58] Yeah, okay, yeah.

[15:59] That's a technical term.

[16:00] Yeah.

[16:01] That's the-

[16:02] This is the hardest part of my job as a doctor,

[16:04] but I'm afraid your son has a Mr. Glass situation.

[16:08] Uh, what?

[16:09] It's like, oh, you know, like the film Unbreakable?

[16:11] Yeah, I want you to not like the Glass family

[16:13] from the Salinger stories.

[16:14] No, no, no, this is-

[16:16] Let me be clear.

[16:16] When I say like the film Unbreakable,

[16:18] not Bruce Willis.

[16:19] Your son is very breakable.

[16:21] The opposite of that.

[16:22] Yeah, yeah, I got it.

[16:23] The Mr. Glass character in Unbreakable.

[16:24] You understand.

[16:25] You've seen Unbreakable.

[16:26] So, you know, I don't mean that he's unbreakable.

[16:28] No, I understand you're telling me my son

[16:30] is not unbreakable.

[16:31] He's very breakable.

[16:32] I understand that.

[16:32] I get it.

[16:33] He's breakable.

[16:35] He's obsessed with the tallest building

[16:36] in Philadelphia.

[16:37] But he's never going to get there.

[16:38] The opposite of Kimmy Schmidt is what your son is.

[16:40] I understand.

[16:41] Oh, because she's unbreakable.

[16:43] Okay, is there another doctor I can talk to?

[16:45] I'm not a doctor.

[16:51] So that night,

[16:54] Bea follows the animated Bug Lady Blossom

[16:57] and Ryan Reynolds playing a character named Cal.

[17:00] He's not playing himself.

[17:01] And again, he looks just like,

[17:03] he looks like John Krasinski.

[17:05] And we're going to find out later.

[17:06] I'm going to spoil the twist.

[17:07] We're going to find out later that Ryan Reynolds

[17:10] is her imaginary friend.

[17:12] And I know.

[17:13] I know.

[17:14] It is much less of a shock if you're watching the movie.

[17:16] Because kind of after the second or third episode,

[17:19] you're like, can you just tell her

[17:20] he's her imaginary friend?

[17:21] Because she's like, I never had an imaginary friend.

[17:23] And he's like, huh, you didn't, huh?

[17:25] Or someone's like, you may guys make a great team.

[17:27] And he's like, yeah, we did once.

[17:29] And it's like, either you dated

[17:31] or you were her imaginary friend.

[17:32] Well, yeah, and here's the thing.

[17:34] Like our friend, Matt Carman,

[17:36] who does the tech work for our show,

[17:38] who puts together a lot of the presentations and such.

[17:41] Part car, part man, all Matt.

[17:44] He texted me.

[17:45] I was a bit surprised.

[17:47] He texted me.

[17:48] I was venting my spleen about it,

[17:50] like my ire about it.

[17:51] You gotta do it every six months, people.

[17:53] Just to keep it clean, yeah.

[17:55] And I referenced the twist.

[17:56] He's like, yeah, but that twist,

[17:57] I was very happy when it happened.

[18:00] And I'm like, was it because it means

[18:01] that this young child was not unsupervised,

[18:04] just wandering around with a man for the entire movie?

[18:06] He's like, yes, that was it.

[18:07] No, it's that she was wandering around

[18:08] by herself talking to nothing.

[18:10] Which is why no one was bothering her.

[18:12] Because they thought that,

[18:12] they thought a child with serious mental instabilities

[18:16] was wandering the streets.

[18:17] So, as an imaginary friend,

[18:19] he's kind of like a clown figure,

[18:21] and he looks like her dad,

[18:23] and her dad is kind of a clown guy.

[18:25] So, did John Krasinski make a move,

[18:27] and he's like, you know what?

[18:28] Ryan Reynolds looks just like me.

[18:31] Maybe, if it was a richer film,

[18:34] I think they could have,

[18:35] that would be a deliberate thing,

[18:36] and they would play off of it more clearly.

[18:39] That she has, maybe even that her dad is too jokey.

[18:44] He doesn't engage with her actual emotions,

[18:46] and so she's created an imaginary friend who can do that,

[18:49] almost as a way to give her dad permission.

[18:51] He doesn't have to do that anymore.

[18:52] Like, that's a better version of this movie, you know?

[18:55] But.

[18:56] Yeah, that's a pretty meaningful interpretation.

[18:58] Okay.

[18:59] But there's nothing in the text of this movie

[19:00] that supports that reading at all.

[19:03] So, she followed, now ignore all the stuff I said

[19:06] about him being an imaginary friend,

[19:07] because he looks like a normal human man.

[19:09] So, she follows him.

[19:11] With suspenders, I mean, like he's not.

[19:12] I guess he's not that normal.

[19:13] So, she follows him through the streets of Brooklyn

[19:16] with an animated bug, and he climbs.

[19:18] Bug lady.

[19:19] She watches him break into a kid's bedroom.

[19:22] And at this point, I'm like, this is,

[19:23] I think this is not cool.

[19:25] Like. No.

[19:26] Like, is he the villain?

[19:28] So, he breaks into this kid's bedroom.

[19:29] That would be amazing.

[19:30] If he was a child snatcher, and she's like,

[19:32] yeah, I'll help you.

[19:35] My life's falling apart.

[19:36] Yeah, and it's just the rest of them,

[19:37] them and kidnapping children so the bug lady

[19:40] can suck their blood out of their bodies.

[19:41] That's like a Roald Dahl book.

[19:43] Yeah, yeah, that's true.

[19:45] So, she.

[19:45] Oh, I'm Mr. Kid Snatcher.

[19:47] Oh, I'll help you, yeah.

[19:49] So, Ryan Reynolds breaks into a little kid's bedroom

[19:52] while they're asleep, and we're introduced

[19:54] to the first large imaginary creature, Blue,

[19:59] who is a.

[20:00] purple fuzzy guy. He's on all the posters. I believe when introduced he does say I'm blue

[20:06] but then fails to follow it up with the proper next phrase which is dabu-dee dabu-dai dabu-dee

[20:17] dabu-dai. So that's another ding on the movie right there. I don't know how I didn't see that

[20:24] coming. It's like a fucking rake is on the ground. You just keep stepping on it.

[20:31] Literally the moment that character was introduced I was like this I know what I'm gonna say.

[20:38] It's like that's a wrapped live show baby. Right over the plate. So blue voiced by Steve Carell

[20:45] and Ryan Reynolds and Blossom all leave. Bee sees them. She is overwhelmed and faints only to wake

[20:52] up in this grown man's apartment surrounded by animated characters. They basically explain the

[20:58] rules of this world. Dan do you want to explain? You love background and rules. I mean this does

[21:04] introduce something that makes me very angry about the movie which is blue is worried. Purple

[21:08] by the way. They did talk about that later or did we? He's purple and he goes oh my kid was

[21:13] colorblind. Okay. Blue says like oh you know like once the kids stop seeing us if they stop

[21:19] believing in us like eventually we disappear and like the point I guess of trying to break into

[21:26] this thing is like oh if I get a new kid to have me be the imaginary friend I don't have to disappear

[21:31] except like later on we see what appears to be a retirement community for imaginary

[21:39] friends who are in no apparent danger of disappearing at any moment. Not at all.

[21:44] So it seems like that is a specific anxiety only blue has and otherwise imaginary friends just

[21:53] retire and then have fun on their own afterwards and so the impetus to get them new kid imagine

[22:00] you know new kid hosts for their parasitic lifestyle. There's kind of low stakes low

[22:06] stakes I would say since the imaginary friends are all like oh yeah yeah we could have new kids

[22:11] that'd be great yeah sure sure okay yeah. So why does why does something like Monsters Inc work

[22:16] and this does not work? I well I mean there's a number of reasons Monsters Inc doesn't.

[22:21] Well okay uh imagine it will bark funny jokes strong characters well here's why here's a

[22:27] couple reasons I think. One that the mechanics of that world are stated clearly and consistent

[22:33] throughout. They are powered by screams they've got to they've got to get kids to scream but

[22:37] they've been led to believe that kids are dangerous for them so every time you go into

[22:42] that kid's room to get a scream you're actually it's a that's what's brilliant about the movie

[22:45] is it's like kids are afraid of monsters but what if it was that the monsters were really afraid of

[22:49] the kids that's a great way to do it as opposed to this which is like what if imaginary friends

[22:53] were real and yes and I found myself watching and I'm like this doesn't have the emotional

[23:00] complexity of drop dead Fred which handles similar material you know and it's like they're all sad

[23:07] because the kids have forgotten them and I like look I as a metaphor I can map that on to other

[23:12] things to be like okay yeah like I would see being forgotten by a kid is sad but but in real life I'm

[23:19] like yes your children you know like they forget imaginary friends at a certain point and I reject

[23:26] the message of this movie that adults also need their imaginary friends at all times. I would I

[23:31] would tell you that a large part of the problem with the country right now is a lot of adults do

[23:34] feel like they need imaginary friends and they have used real people as their stand-ins for those

[23:39] imaginary yeah I mean I think we're all familiar with our parasocial relationship you're all great

[23:47] I mean the other guys this made me wonder did either of you have imaginary friends growing up

[23:52] I did not maybe because my life was just too fun you know no not like a specific like one that

[23:58] stayed the same you know I would imagine things but not yeah yeah okay no I mean I had a little

[24:03] brother we just beat each other because I somehow I always when I was a kid I always wanted an

[24:08] imaginary friend like in the cartoons where you think they're real and I could never buy into

[24:13] that level of fake reality which is ironic since as an adult I constantly think that I'm seeing

[24:17] things out of the corner of my eyes that are not there oh you are you're being followed

[24:24] you watched that video tape I sent you and that's that was you who sent that to me

[24:28] look it was you or me I thought that was Michael Haneke

[24:34] what a weird mashup that was yeah so B runs into blue at the hospital

[24:40] uh and she basically she talks to this guy who's uh Steve Carell and he's a giant monster and what

[24:47] he he sneezes a lot and I think blue is supposed to be kind of like adorably clumsy and goofy

[24:52] but he comes off the characters are he's like not clumsy enough to really cause problems that

[24:57] are funny but the characters treat him as if he is a constant like annoyance to be around but

[25:03] nothing he's doing is that annoyed so there's one part where he's about to say this in the trailers

[25:06] he's about to say the word if and she goes don't say if and he's holding the word in and he's like

[25:10] about to explode because he's holding it in and she's like okay say it and he says if and the

[25:14] whole time I'm like why did you not want him to say yeah I understand it's not an annoying thing

[25:18] that's a joke without a setup because like if he had been saying if over and over and over again

[25:23] perhaps it's still not funny but you understand why it's happening or if it was like it was like

[25:28] an annoyingly silly word if it was like well us giggly gloops we're always she was like please

[25:33] don't say giggly it hurts my clangs on the ears yeah yeah just make them like minions or some

[25:39] shit right kids like that kids love speaking for my children kids love minions considering I took

[25:45] them to see Despicable Me 4 because they demanded it and they spent the entire car ride home trying

[25:49] to decide which was their favorite minion and they could not they couldn't get it they kept

[25:53] changing their minds do you think like in an original version of the script the ifs were a

[25:57] lot more like minions and Steve Carell got involved he's like nope no no no no yeah you

[26:01] can't fuck these guys again I'm tired of them I'm guessing the original version of the script

[26:06] was pretty close to the shooting script and by that being the first draft yeah okay so B and

[26:13] Blue come up with the plan that she is going to help all these uh retired ifs whose kids have

[26:20] like aged out of being their friend that she's going to help them all find placements with new

[26:26] kids and Ryan Reynolds agrees to this for some reason so they get on a Ryan again Ryan Reynolds

[26:32] spends the entire movie being like oh oh please don't oh no no no no no yeah at one point he's

[26:37] like I don't know that's above my pay grade and I'm like do you have a job what's going on

[26:42] there's never a reason for him to do anything and there's never a reason for him to not want

[26:46] to do anything there's lack of a lack of motivation also like the reveal that he's

[26:51] her imaginary spoiler alert does not explain his general reticence throughout the whole rest well

[26:58] I don't know that he finds it all painful I think that's what you're supposed to get is this is all

[27:01] painful for him because he can't find the courage to tell her okay all right maybe he's adding so

[27:08] much more to this movie I'm just I say because like there's there's so much in this movie that

[27:13] like all the characters behave in ways where they're like you guys get it you understand why

[27:18] we're acting like this right like and I was like no I don't you this movie will not stop explaining

[27:23] itself to me but I don't understand any of it yeah I think with him I think that I think that

[27:28] is in there that he's you're supposed to say why is he so against all this oh it's because he feels

[27:33] like she abandoned him but it's but yeah until that moment you're like why like what what's your

[27:39] attitude problem you're hanging out with cartoons all day you have the greatest life in the world

[27:44] you live for free in the attic in this beautiful building in Brooklyn and speaking of moments

[27:49] we're finally at it that's right our characters take the f train all the way to Coney Island

[27:56] yeah there's a big picture of Coney Island behind us that's why where they go underneath a whoa wait

[28:02] a second hold on for the money they go to Coney Island it's all locked Luna Park is all closed

[28:08] Coney Island I guess nobody uses it anymore which is weird because it's people do use it all the

[28:15] time like I get they act as if Coney Island is like a like one of those abandoned amusement parks

[28:20] that Batman fights at like that oh nobody's been around here city has like 20 the rides aren't you

[28:28] know that they don't run the rides off season but like they don't lock it up either you can go down

[28:33] there you can walk along the boardwalk if there's any place that in the last 10 or so years 50 years

[28:37] has been revitalized far more than it was for years it's coming so it's it's very weird for

[28:42] them to choose such an let's say iconic amusement park for it to be like yeah it used to be full of

[28:48] people but nobody rides the cyclone anymore and it's like dude I ride the cyclone like this maybe

[28:54] the problem is we're coming here in January Ryan well that's part of it yeah do you think I wonder

[28:58] if John Krasinski did his location scouting in the winter and was like great Coney Island abandoned

[29:03] nobody's using the rides so underneath the carousel Coney Island we find the retirement home

[29:10] for imaginary friends which is basically set up like I don't like an idyllic retirement filled

[29:17] with like various wacky characters and that means lots of cameos that's right we have George Clooney

[29:26] Awkwafina Emily Blunt oh man how many more how did he get Bradley Cooper Matt Damon Bill Hader

[29:33] oh my wife's favorite comedian Sebastian Maniscalco who do we who is Sebastian Maniscalco

[29:39] uh I don't know one of the ones like maybe the little dog that was around with oh maybe the one

[29:44] with the like Italian American accent uh Richard Jenkins Keegan Michael Key oh man how many more

[29:52] never does voices John Stewart John Stewart John Stewart's yeah John Stewart has a few lines as a

[29:57] robot and I will say that if you

[30:00] who are going to be filling out your movie with,

[30:03] I don't know, like voice cameos from people.

[30:06] Maybe instead of getting big movie stars,

[30:07] you should consider getting podcasters.

[30:10] I sincerely believe, though, getting niche people,

[30:15] like it's not like people are gonna be like,

[30:16] oh, Brad Pitt does one line in this movie.

[30:19] Let's go see it.

[30:20] You know, it's there for people to have that shock

[30:22] of recognition where they're like, oh, I know that voice.

[30:25] They're not like, oh, that's the ladies from Normal Gossip.

[30:30] I think that would get people to see it.

[30:32] Okay, and at the heart of this complex

[30:36] is an old teddy bear dog.

[30:38] If, no, bear, teddy bear.

[30:41] Teddy bear, yeah.

[30:42] Voiced by Louis Gossett.

[30:43] There's no dog aspect to him.

[30:44] Louis Gossett Jr. playing a character named Louis,

[30:46] I believe.

[30:47] Yes.

[30:48] I appreciate you telling me that

[30:49] because I was too lazy to look it up.

[30:50] That's why at the end of the movie,

[30:52] it says in memory of our friend Louis Gossett Jr.

[30:54] and shows that teddy bear.

[30:56] Oh, I turned the film off immediately.

[30:58] I pulled a steward on this one.

[31:00] I'm like, as soon as it fades out, I'm like,

[31:02] that's it, if, consigned to the dustbin of history.

[31:07] So he seems to be the leader.

[31:09] He's described as being 92 years old,

[31:11] which is a little weird,

[31:12] because I'm like, did they get older or what's up?

[31:16] He does move like an old man.

[31:19] I mean, was he always an imaginary old man bear?

[31:21] Like maybe.

[31:22] I don't understand it.

[31:23] It's an interesting question.

[31:25] But he explains to Bea that this retirement home,

[31:28] you can control with your imagination.

[31:30] So yes, go on.

[31:32] So she starts changing the world around her,

[31:35] changing the floors, making things turn into,

[31:37] I don't know, like outer space.

[31:39] Ryan Reynolds is running away from this, terrified.

[31:41] She stalks after him like fucking Tetsuo.

[31:44] This is the part.

[31:45] Oh, if only, if only she became Tetsuo at that moment.

[31:49] She's like, ah, her limbs are just bursting

[31:51] into flesh mechanical bubbles,

[31:54] and there's just telekinetic energy flying everywhere.

[31:57] I mean, it's a much better story

[31:58] about the horrors of adolescence

[32:00] and your body changing.

[32:01] Yeah, Bea flies up to the space satellite

[32:05] and shoots a laser at Brooklyn.

[32:07] And just puts a hole in the moon.

[32:08] When I talk about stuff in the movie that I'm like,

[32:10] I don't understand why it's happening like this.

[32:12] This is one of the things where it's like,

[32:14] where like, she's like, he's like,

[32:15] oh, you can change with your mind.

[32:16] And Ryan Reynolds is like, oh no, no, no, no.

[32:19] And he starts running around.

[32:20] He's running around like, no, no, no, no, no, whoa.

[32:22] Change around, and I'm like,

[32:23] wait, you took her to this imaginary place

[32:26] where you can use your imagination.

[32:27] Like, why are you scared of this all of a sudden?

[32:29] Why are you acting like this?

[32:30] And then there's a long sequence,

[32:32] which honestly doesn't make any sense,

[32:35] but in a way is the only part of the movie

[32:37] I kind of enjoyed, because at least on a visual level,

[32:40] stuff is happening and a Tina Turner song plays.

[32:42] I'm like, I'm enjoying this Tina Turner song.

[32:44] Not since Beyond Thunderdome

[32:45] have you had both of those things at the same time.

[32:48] And Ryan Reynolds is like,

[32:50] everybody's outfits keep changing.

[32:53] There's a big dance number set to,

[32:56] what, Better Be Good to Me by Tina Turner,

[32:58] where Ryan Reynolds looks like the cool dad

[33:00] from My Two Dads.

[33:02] Paul Reiser, yeah.

[33:03] And it is a moment where I'm like,

[33:05] I love Tina Turner.

[33:06] I think he's the cool one.

[33:07] Yeah.

[33:09] But this feels like an odd choice for a kid

[33:12] to like a weird Tina Turner song.

[33:13] Yes, because this is what John Krasinski likes,

[33:16] or someone his age.

[33:19] So this is the movie equivalent.

[33:21] This is gonna sound harsh.

[33:22] I don't mean it as harsh as it sounds.

[33:24] Because I know this movie's heart is in the right,

[33:26] it's broken heart is in the right place.

[33:27] Of World War II.

[33:29] Yeah, this is the movie equivalent of genocide.

[33:32] No, it's the movie equivalent of

[33:35] the kind of toy store they have in Brooklyn,

[33:37] and I know because I used to live there,

[33:38] where you walk in, all the toys are beautiful.

[33:41] They're all made out of wood.

[33:43] They all cost 25 to $45.

[33:45] They don't do much, but they look gorgeous.

[33:48] They would look beautiful on a shelf in a child's room.

[33:50] And parents love them, and kids do not like them.

[33:53] They are not attracted to them.

[33:55] They don't want to play with them.

[33:56] They do nothing.

[33:57] This movie's kind of like that,

[33:57] where it's like, here's a kid's movie,

[33:59] but it's really like, it's for a parent's emotions.

[34:02] Like it's for a parent's feelings, more than it's for,

[34:04] and my kids really wanted to watch this movie with me.

[34:07] They kept saying, are you watching If?

[34:08] Can we go see If?

[34:09] I was like, this movie better not stick around

[34:10] in the theaters, because I don't want to take them

[34:12] to go see If.

[34:13] And I'm like, I'm doing it for the podcast.

[34:14] Can we watch it with you?

[34:15] No, I have to do it while I'm doing the dishes.

[34:17] You're gonna be late.

[34:18] Get back in your cage.

[34:19] Get in your cage, yeah.

[34:20] And while I was watching it, I was like,

[34:23] I think they'd be really.

[34:23] You want to spend time with you, Dad?

[34:25] No, no.

[34:27] Here are the lyrics to Cat's Cradle.

[34:28] This is your life now.

[34:31] It's a cycle of abandonment.

[34:33] Anyway, it was, while I was watching the movie,

[34:36] I was like, I think my kids would be really bored by this,

[34:38] because this is a kid, this is an adult's idea

[34:41] of what a kid's movie should be like.

[34:42] The same way that, when that Marcel Duchelle movie

[34:45] came out, I was like, this is a very sweet movie.

[34:47] I'm gonna take my kids to it.

[34:48] And they were like, meh, boring.

[34:52] There's a certain type of movie or thing

[34:54] where adults are like, kids love this,

[34:56] and then kids don't love it.

[34:58] And the flip side of that is, weeks earlier on Father's Day,

[35:02] I took my kids to see a screening of E.T.,

[35:04] which my older son had seen, my younger one

[35:05] had not seen it before, and that movie destroys a child.

[35:08] Like, this child is so sad afterwards,

[35:10] but afterwards they're like, I hate that movie,

[35:12] but I love it.

[35:13] And I'm like, yeah, there you go, that's a movie.

[35:15] That's a movie for kids.

[35:16] There you go.

[35:16] It made you feel something.

[35:17] Like delicious tears.

[35:19] Yeah.

[35:20] Have my, take my trauma.

[35:21] Yeah, I'm just licking the tears off their face, yeah.

[35:24] Mm, precious salt, mm.

[35:27] But this is, but this.

[35:30] Did we mention Elliot is sort of a mythical figure?

[35:33] Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm a salt vampire.

[35:36] You can read about it in Persian mythology.

[35:38] But you're right that, in this sequence,

[35:41] this is not stuff that makes sense for a kid to be into,

[35:43] but also, it doesn't make sense why Ryan Reynolds

[35:47] is like, uh-oh, oh no, except the idea that

[35:50] it hurts him to see him doing that.

[35:52] But also, here's my main problem with it.

[35:54] Here's my main problem.

[35:55] Oh, we're getting into it, finally.

[35:57] The point, well, one of my problems.

[35:59] The point of this movie seemed to be,

[36:01] these imaginary friends are gonna teach this girl

[36:04] how to have fun again.

[36:05] Her life has been hard.

[36:06] It is time for her to learn how to use her imagination

[36:08] and be playful.

[36:09] But halfway through the fucking movie, it's like,

[36:11] she loves it, Ryan Reynolds needs to learn a lesson

[36:13] about being playful.

[36:15] And it's like, who is this movie about?

[36:17] Not since Big Trouble in Little China

[36:20] has the sidekick become the main character in this.

[36:22] And also, the idea is that it's like,

[36:25] hey, you need to have fun again,

[36:26] so you're gonna have fun by getting a fucking job.

[36:29] It's true.

[36:30] So if this is-

[36:31] Hey, it's capitalism.

[36:32] So if this is an adult's version idea of a kid's movie,

[36:36] what's a kid's idea of an adult movie?

[36:39] A kid's idea of an adult movie is probably a whole movie

[36:41] of people talking about politics and reading the newspaper

[36:44] and kissing, but not kissing open-mouthed.

[36:46] Kissing closed-mouth.

[36:48] Yeah, probably they all imagine My Dinner with Andre.

[36:51] They're like, it's just people talking.

[36:53] You know what?

[36:54] That's all it is.

[36:55] I think that is what kids,

[36:55] and I mean, they're lucky

[36:56] because My Dinner with Andre is a great movie.

[36:58] I remember growing up, it was like that was the,

[37:01] there were two default references for movies

[37:03] that people don't like.

[37:04] Ishtar was just what you mentioned

[37:05] when it was supposed to be really bad.

[37:06] And My Dinner with Andre was if a movie is really boring.

[37:09] And Seventh Seal was if it's a foreign movie.

[37:13] Every foreign movie is the Seventh Seal.

[37:15] Every grown-up boring movie is My Dinner with Andre.

[37:17] As a young adult watching My Dinner with Andre

[37:19] and being like, I'm riveted by this movie.

[37:21] This is an amazing movie.

[37:22] It is.

[37:23] So Bea and Gang.

[37:25] Seventh Seal's good, too.

[37:26] Bea and Gang interview a bunch of different ifs

[37:29] with the intention of introducing them

[37:31] to her friend Daniel?

[37:33] Benjamin.

[37:34] Benjamin, sorry.

[37:34] Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[37:37] No, it's all right.

[37:38] I never needed an imaginary friend, Stuart.

[37:40] I got you guys.

[37:41] Yeah.

[37:42] Oh, thanks, man.

[37:43] I mean, Stuart, you are kind of transitioning slowly

[37:45] into being an imaginary friend, yeah.

[37:47] I kind of always am.

[37:48] You're getting cooler over time.

[37:49] Thank you.

[37:50] So she keeps trying to introduce them to Benjamin

[37:54] and he can't see them.

[37:55] It doesn't seem to work.

[37:57] So she has to, and this is also a great venue

[37:59] for all these cameos that we're getting.

[38:02] It doesn't work out, though,

[38:03] so she ends up going out to the Coney Island Boardwalk,

[38:06] which is, again, totally abandoned,

[38:07] except for Louis the Bear, Bear If.

[38:10] I mean, maybe this takes place during COVID

[38:13] and that's why there's nobody out on the streets?

[38:14] And he explains to her that, like,

[38:16] things that happen in your life.

[38:17] All right, don't follow up that suggestion.

[38:20] We don't need to walk down COVID Avenue.

[38:22] I mean, if you're going somewhere,

[38:23] please take another route than down COVID Avenue, yeah.

[38:25] I just know that when we start talking about politics,

[38:28] when we start talking about COVID,

[38:29] Dan starts getting into his anti-vaccine.

[38:31] That's true, that's true.

[38:32] I know, we don't need that.

[38:34] No, quit trying to paint me as a running gag.

[38:39] I'm not a record, I don't need a needle stuck in me.

[38:42] All right, Dan, okay.

[38:43] All right.

[38:46] That's Dan's new character,

[38:47] the anti-vaxxer who's really into vinyl.

[38:51] I actually, I just got a tetanus shot two days ago

[38:54] when Stuart was like, aw, I'm like, ow, ow, ow.

[38:58] Imagine if you could get a Tetsuo shot

[38:59] and you turned into Tetsuo from Akira.

[39:01] Oh, sick.

[39:03] So she's hanging out with this old bear imaginary friend.

[39:08] And he explains that, like, I don't know, like-

[39:09] Imagine all the people with an imaginary friend,

[39:11] like, sit on a bench and talk.

[39:14] He's like, as long as you can remember it,

[39:15] it still exists forever.

[39:17] And then they, all of a sudden,

[39:18] the boardwalk is populated with people in old-timey outfits

[39:22] and all the various imaginary friends

[39:24] are wearing also old-timey outfits

[39:26] and they have a really good time

[39:27] hanging out in Coney Island.

[39:28] And it's great because finally people are in Coney Island.

[39:33] She goes to see her grandma and her grandma explains

[39:35] that she used to be really into dancing,

[39:37] but she kind of gave up on that dream

[39:39] when she realized that she, I don't know,

[39:41] couldn't be a professional dancer or something.

[39:43] She says, like, I just got too old or something like that.

[39:45] And so we learn that Blossom, the animated bug,

[39:48] is her imaginary friend.

[39:51] So they basically, like, trick her into dancing

[39:54] by playing the perfect record.

[39:56] The soundtrack to Spartacus.

[39:58] Yes, they put it on.

[40:00] And so Fiona Shaw does a really nice dance number

[40:03] that's very over-lit by Janos Kaminsky,

[40:05] and then Blossom is dancing in the background,

[40:08] they kind of dance together,

[40:10] and then Blossom starts to glow

[40:12] like she's becoming Super Saiyan.

[40:14] Yeah, I will say, there's a couple scenes in the movie

[40:17] where I was like, if the movie was more like this

[40:19] more often, this could be a really good movie.

[40:22] I find something very beautiful in this

[40:23] because even though it's pretty syrupy,

[40:26] they don't overdo it in the same way,

[40:28] and it's not whimsical.

[40:30] This old woman thinks that nobody is,

[40:31] she's literally dancing like nobody's watching,

[40:34] and that means she can dance the way she did

[40:35] when she was a ballerina,

[40:36] and Blossom does not enter into a hilarious,

[40:39] synchronized routine where they're dancing together

[40:42] and trading off fives and stuff like that,

[40:45] but instead, I thought this was very sweet.

[40:47] Are you talking shit about the Sonic the Hedgehog movie?

[40:49] Yeah, not specifically, but kind of.

[40:54] Yeah, I do agree.

[40:55] And also, she's not dancing to a pop song

[40:56] from the 70s or something like that.

[40:58] Spoiler alert, I do not care for this movie at all,

[41:00] but there are a couple parts in the second half

[41:02] of the movie where the movie does not overplay its hand,

[41:04] and those are the only parts where I'm like,

[41:06] oh, okay, you're coming close

[41:08] to getting an emotion out of me.

[41:10] Yeah, but then Blossom glows, but that's it.

[41:13] It's not like her grandmother is like,

[41:15] Blossom, you're back.

[41:16] Yeah, at the end, she totally does.

[41:18] Yeah, at the end, we're not there yet, yeah.

[41:21] So they have a new strategy.

[41:24] They're not going to try and find new kids

[41:26] to pair them with.

[41:27] They're gonna try and make these old people

[41:30] remember that they like their imaginary friends

[41:31] or something.

[41:32] So they go and find-

[41:33] Sorry, kids.

[41:35] Once again, the boomers are gonna take all the stuff

[41:37] and leave you with nothing.

[41:39] Which is the thing, is that again-

[41:40] Imaginary friends, we don't want to let go of those.

[41:43] We'll keep that, and superheroes.

[41:45] We'll make them our own.

[41:46] Sorry, kids.

[41:48] Enjoy living in a climate-depleted wasteland

[41:51] with no new IP.

[41:52] Yeah.

[41:55] Like a Rumpelstilts boomer.

[41:58] Yeah.

[41:59] Let's stop making Star Wars for kids now.

[42:01] Let's make it super gross.

[42:02] Star Wars has got to be gritty,

[42:04] because I'm a grownup and I don't want to read books.

[42:08] I don't want to watch My Dinner with Andre.

[42:12] Why can't I have a cool, sophisticated story

[42:15] about mutant turtles who do martial arts?

[42:20] I mean, the first Ninja Turtles movie is pretty cool.

[42:24] Okay, so they go to find Blue's friend, which is-

[42:30] Bobby Moynihan.

[42:31] Bobby Moynihan, playing kind of a nervous character

[42:33] named Jeremy.

[42:34] They trick him into smelling croissants,

[42:36] and then Blue and him connect over him

[42:38] having to have a really important-

[42:40] So, wait, I want to slow down just a moment on this.

[42:42] One, because I think Bobby Moynihan does,

[42:44] it is a small part, he's very good.

[42:46] I thought he was really good in it.

[42:47] But also, they're like, okay, his family owned a bakery,

[42:50] and his favorite thing as a kid was croissants,

[42:52] because it was a snack he could always have

[42:54] because they were making it.

[42:55] So, he's at a coffee shop, and he goes to the bathroom

[42:58] because he's practicing for a business sales pitch.

[43:00] And he's like, get it together, man,

[43:01] get it together, you can do this.

[43:03] And Blue is embarrassed and can't approach him

[43:07] in the men's bathroom at a coffee shop,

[43:08] the place everyone wants to meet their imaginary friend.

[43:12] And then they're like, here's what we'll do.

[43:14] And that's a spacious bathroom in a coffee shop in Midtown.

[43:17] A homeless person should be living in that bathroom.

[43:20] So, they're like, we'll follow him

[43:22] to where he's doing the presentation.

[43:24] B's like, I'll just sit there and eat a croissant.

[43:27] And when he smells it, just like the end of Ratatouille,

[43:30] it's gonna take him back to his childhood,

[43:32] and you'll connect.

[43:33] And I was like, I mean, he was just in the coffee shop.

[43:36] So, he's probably smelling croissants in there.

[43:38] And there were those specific croissants from a specific,

[43:42] From his family's bakery?

[43:43] I don't know, man.

[43:43] Had they got it within minutes?

[43:44] I'm not John Krasinski.

[43:46] Make it something harder to smell than a croissant,

[43:48] which is everywhere.

[43:50] He must be smelling it all the time.

[43:53] At least make it like some kind of fancy French cookie.

[43:56] Make it a macaron or something like that.

[43:58] They only sell it most places and not every place, you know?

[44:02] They were afraid, if they made it a Madeleine,

[44:04] it would, the estate of Proust would sue them.

[44:07] Yeah, they'd be sued by Proust, Inc.

[44:10] It's like, you know what?

[44:11] As a kid, he lived next to a tunnel.

[44:14] So, the sound of honking horns really reminds us.

[44:17] So, we'll have him near a car,

[44:19] we'll honk the horn.

[44:20] It's getting so close to the end.

[44:20] And it's like, you mean that sound he's gonna hear

[44:22] every day all the time?

[44:22] I have a ton left, actually.

[44:23] Oh, no, no.

[44:24] I'm sorry.

[44:25] I'm gonna slow this down.

[44:26] Look at the, no, look at this.

[44:27] Oh, no, I forgot about the clock.

[44:27] So, they're celebrating their newfound success.

[44:30] Cal is finally, like, loosening up.

[44:31] He's dancing.

[44:32] That's Ryan Reynolds.

[44:34] They think they're doing a great job.

[44:36] Unfortunately, when they get back to the apartment,

[44:38] Grandma's nervous because there was a problem

[44:41] at the hospital of some kind.

[44:42] Uh-oh, don't worry.

[44:43] It's not really a problem

[44:44] because they show up at the hospital.

[44:46] He's just recovering.

[44:47] He's in a huge hospital room.

[44:49] It's amazing.

[44:50] This is the first time that John Krasinski's character

[44:52] is wearing a hospital gown as well.

[44:53] Up to this point, he has been just hanging around

[44:55] in the hospital in his regular street clothes all the time,

[44:58] as if he's trying to convince them he's a visitor

[45:00] and can leave whenever he wants.

[45:02] I mean, it's a good trick.

[45:03] Doing goofs and dancing around with his IV bag.

[45:06] I don't think that, like, hospitals, like,

[45:08] just have you there for, like, weeks on end beforehand

[45:12] if you're, like, okay like that.

[45:13] Usually, your pre-surgery time in the hospital

[45:15] is not, like, yeah, an entire week of just hanging out.

[45:18] Like, unless maybe the doctor was just busy

[45:20] and they kept rescheduling the surgery.

[45:23] Anyway, it doesn't seem like he really needs

[45:24] to be in the hospital all the time.

[45:25] That's why hospitals are so expensive these days.

[45:29] So, her dad is recovering.

[45:31] He's asleep.

[45:32] Because John Krasinski's using them up.

[45:34] Sorry, we don't have any free rooms.

[45:36] John Krasinski's just hanging out.

[45:37] He's just doing bits.

[45:38] He just runs through goofs.

[45:39] You might remember him from The Office or Leatherheads.

[45:41] Well, probably not Leatherheads,

[45:42] but The Office.

[45:43] You remember he's Reacher.

[45:44] No, not Leatherheads.

[45:45] No, he's not Reacher.

[45:46] He's Jack, what is he?

[45:47] Jack Ryan.

[45:48] Jack Ryan.

[45:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah, CIA show.

[45:50] So, Bea, you know, is trying to connect

[45:55] with her father who's asleep.

[45:57] And she basically monologues and talks

[45:59] about her entire life story.

[46:00] It's one of those moments where it's clearly like,

[46:03] I don't know, one of my issues is that it's like,

[46:05] this is a child character who everything she says

[46:09] and does is like a little adult.

[46:11] She's wise beyond her years.

[46:13] If the movie was consistent,

[46:15] we'd see that she's kind of trying too hard to be a grownup,

[46:18] but instead she's just a precocious kid

[46:19] who just talks beyond her years, yeah.

[46:21] Okay, so she talks to her dad and then he wakes up

[46:23] and it's great, he's fine.

[46:25] And then when she turns around-

[46:25] Basically tells him a story about how she needs her dad.

[46:28] Yeah, then she turns around

[46:29] and all the imaginary friends are gone.

[46:31] And then she goes back to the apartment

[46:33] to go talk to Ryan Reynolds.

[46:35] And he's not even there.

[46:37] And she goes up in there and it's like totally empty.

[46:40] There's nobody-

[46:41] There hasn't been a Ryan Reynolds here for 40 years.

[46:43] She goes to the cemetery, sees his grave.

[46:48] The suspenders are on the grave.

[46:54] Yeah, she cries a single tear.

[46:56] Elliot licks it for the salt.

[46:58] Oh, precious salt.

[46:59] The salt of the young is the best.

[47:02] Fresh salt, innocent salt.

[47:04] So there, everybody's happy.

[47:06] They're packing up.

[47:07] They're packing up.

[47:08] She finds a box of kids stuff,

[47:09] including a drawing she did when she was a child

[47:12] that includes her imaginary friend, Calvin the Clown.

[47:17] What?

[47:17] Ryan Reynolds was an imaginary fucking friend?

[47:20] All this time?

[47:21] So she goes back up to that,

[47:23] she goes back up to the attic storage room with the drawing.

[47:26] And at this point, I'm like,

[47:27] is she going to do some like Hellraiser stuff

[47:29] and bring him back?

[47:30] Yeah, she needs flesh to bring back now, yeah.

[47:33] She doesn't do that.

[47:34] Instead, she turns around

[47:36] and he's there with all the imaginary friends.

[47:38] He's dressed up like a clown.

[47:39] She like takes-

[47:40] Except he's not, it's like he's supposed to be a clown,

[47:43] but he doesn't have clown makeup.

[47:43] He's just wearing a top hat and big gloves.

[47:45] He doesn't like to mess up his face.

[47:46] Even as Deadpool, he looks normal to me.

[47:50] Okay, so this is a personal problem

[47:52] I have with fucking Deadpool, okay?

[47:54] If he's not going to be grosser than Darkman,

[47:57] I don't see what the problem is.

[47:58] So-

[47:59] That was in Darkman's contract.

[48:00] Nobody can be grosser than him.

[48:03] So she takes the flower.

[48:05] He starts to glow like a super Saiyan.

[48:08] I don't know the benefits here.

[48:09] She gives him a hug.

[48:11] That's when they play When I Was Younger

[48:13] and I'm like, fuck you, movie.

[48:15] That's such an on-the-nose fucking needle drop.

[48:17] It sucks.

[48:18] And then we get a montage of various adults

[48:21] running into their past imaginary friends,

[48:25] which are all characters we have previously seen,

[48:27] whether they were a receptionist

[48:28] or a guy working at a bodega.

[48:30] It does not make any sense.

[48:31] Like there's no epiphany for them.

[48:33] They just run into their imaginary friends.

[48:35] And some of them are happy.

[48:36] Some of them are frightened.

[48:37] Yeah, because like a little ghost

[48:40] that speaks with Christopher Meloni's voice shows up,

[48:42] I'd be kind of scared.

[48:46] Yeah, I didn't see any of that

[48:47] because I was like, oh, the movie's over.

[48:50] No, you gotta give it that last,

[48:52] you know that there are scenes after the credits sometimes.

[48:55] Look, here's the thing.

[48:57] Yeah, I watched, maybe my ire for If was,

[49:01] I watched-

[49:02] Your If-ire?

[49:03] On the train to Boston

[49:04] and we didn't have an easy trip to Boston.

[49:06] Our original train was canceled.

[49:08] We got stuck on a later train.

[49:10] In the meantime, we like waited in a waiting room

[49:12] where there was like a domestic disturbance

[49:14] that had to be broken up by red caps.

[49:15] It was-

[49:16] Only in New York.

[49:17] A stressful day.

[49:18] And then I always had to watch the whimsy of If.

[49:20] So once it was done, I'm like-

[49:21] That should have lifted you out of that.

[49:23] You should have been like, ah, there is joy in the world.

[49:26] Yeah.

[49:27] And how does it look on your phone?

[49:28] Pretty good or?

[49:29] Yeah, oh boy, gorgeous.

[49:31] As-

[49:33] I think it's time for final judgments.

[49:34] Final judgments.

[49:35] Final If-ments.

[49:36] Is this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[49:39] or a movie we kind of liked?

[49:42] As I said, did not care for this.

[49:46] It is weird to me that there are movies

[49:49] like far more morally questionable,

[49:52] far sleazier that I love.

[49:56] And then this movie made me angry

[49:58] and I wanted to discard it.

[50:00] that says more about you than about the movie.

[50:02] Well, because it is so desperate

[50:05] to tug at the heartstrings.

[50:05] And here's my thing about it is like,

[50:08] the movie wants to make you feel childlike wonder.

[50:12] And that is its goal.

[50:13] And that's its only goal.

[50:16] It has a feeling it wants to elicit.

[50:19] And it's trying to do that without realizing

[50:21] that in storytelling, sure, that can be a side effect.

[50:24] That can be like something that you hope

[50:27] that the movie creates in you.

[50:29] But you do that by focusing on the characters,

[50:33] like building like an emotional connection or whatever.

[50:36] You can't just hammer like,

[50:37] wonder, wonder, you're feeling childlike wonder.

[50:40] And like, that's what it felt like to me.

[50:41] So I wanted to snap my phone and throw it off the train.

[50:46] Wow, you're breaking your own things.

[50:48] I know.

[50:49] It's like when the FBI agents

[50:51] are going into the houses in Goodfellas

[50:52] and the housewives are spitting on the floor,

[50:54] spitting on their own carpets.

[50:55] I don't understand why.

[50:57] I'd make them, I'd make them coffee, you know?

[50:59] Elliot, let's do a reverse shit sandwich

[51:01] because I think that you are the easiest on this.

[51:04] So you can go in the middle.

[51:05] Yes, so there's a time in my life, I think,

[51:07] when I would have been like, fuck this movie.

[51:09] I'm Dan McCoy.

[51:10] Forget about it.

[51:12] Wait, what were you, me?

[51:14] I kept, I kept, I was you a while ago,

[51:17] before we peed in that fountain together.

[51:19] Okay.

[51:20] But there was a, I kept, while I was watching it,

[51:23] I'm like, this movie is failing at what it's trying to do.

[51:25] I find it very saccharine.

[51:27] I find it to be not, it's messy and it does,

[51:30] it's not, it's just, it's unpleasant in that way.

[51:34] And that, like Dan said,

[51:35] it's trying to make you feel a feeling

[51:37] and you're not feeling it.

[51:38] So it keeps doing the same thing.

[51:40] Like a guy with a crush on a girl and she says no

[51:42] and he's like, I just have to figure out

[51:44] the right way to ask her and he won't stop.

[51:46] That's kind of what it feels like when you're watching it.

[51:48] But like that lonely guy,

[51:51] I feel like John Krasinski's heart is in the right place.

[51:54] He just does not know how to do what he's trying to do.

[51:57] And so it's like, it is, I could not help feeling,

[52:01] I could not help, I mean, it's not as creepy

[52:03] as the guy who keeps asking out the girl,

[52:04] but it's a bad analogy.

[52:06] But I couldn't, while I was watching it,

[52:07] I was like, what he's trying to do is not a bad thing,

[52:11] but he's not, he's, what,

[52:13] it's creating the opposite feeling in me.

[52:15] So maybe I was a little softer on it just because like,

[52:17] I get it sometimes when you're a parent,

[52:19] you want to make something for your kids

[52:20] and you make something that is not good

[52:23] and they don't like it, but you're still trying.

[52:25] So the whole time I was like,

[52:26] I was really having one of those like,

[52:28] bless his heart, you know, he means well.

[52:31] It did not feel mercenary or kind of like cynical

[52:36] in the way a lot of children's entertainment is.

[52:38] And so maybe that's why I was feeling a little softer on it.

[52:41] I think that's fair.

[52:42] I still didn't like it.

[52:43] I would say if you're gonna watch,

[52:45] like if you want to watch a movie about kids

[52:47] kind of dealing with magical and whimsy,

[52:49] potentially, you know, imaginary characters

[52:53] to help them get over a parent being in the hospital,

[52:56] just watch fucking Totoro, dude.

[52:58] Yeah.

[52:59] Yeah, thank you.

[53:00] Yes, I mean, the fact that what he's trying to do

[53:03] has been done before hurts this movie.

[53:06] But if, I mean, I don't,

[53:07] even John Krasinski is probably not like,

[53:08] yeah, I'm the next Miyazaki, you know, that's.

[53:13] Maybe.

[53:14] Okay, so yeah, it's a bad, bad movie.

[53:16] Do not watch.

[53:17] Okay.

[53:19] Okay.

[53:22] Have you been looking for a new podcast

[53:24] all about nerdy pop culture?

[53:26] Well, I have just the thing for you.

[53:28] Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries.

[53:31] Secret Histories of Nerd Mysteries

[53:33] is a weekly pop culture history podcast

[53:35] hosted by me, Host Austin.

[53:37] And me, Host Brenda.

[53:38] We've already tackled mysteries such as

[53:40] what happened to the puppets

[53:42] from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer?

[53:43] Is Snoopy Mexican?

[53:45] And why do people hate Barney so much?

[53:47] From theme parks to cartoons

[53:48] to 80s, 90s, and 2000s nostalgia,

[53:51] we tackle it all.

[53:52] Check us out every Tuesday on MaximumFun.org

[53:55] and wherever you get podcasts.

[54:01] Hey, this is Mike Kavalon.

[54:03] If you want to wait.

[54:03] And Sierra Cotto.

[54:04] The hosts of TV Chef Fantasy League.

[54:07] Where we apply fantasy sports rules

[54:09] to cooking competition shows.

[54:10] We're not professional chefs or fantasy sports bros.

[54:13] Just three comedians who love cooking shows and winning.

[54:16] We'll cover Top Chef, Master Chef,

[54:18] Great British Bake Off, whatever's in season, really.

[54:20] Ooh, you know chefs love cooking whatever's in season.

[54:23] We draft a team of chefs at the top of every series.

[54:25] And every week, we recap the episode

[54:27] and assign points based on how our chefs did.

[54:29] And at the end of the season, we crown a winner.

[54:31] You can even play along at home if you want.

[54:33] Or you can just listen to us

[54:34] like a regular podcast about cooking shows.

[54:36] That's cool, too.

[54:37] Subscribe to TV Chef Fantasy League

[54:39] on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts.

[54:43] Hey, it's Dan, breaking in on this live show

[54:46] to say that if you would like to see us live,

[54:48] but don't live in one of the places

[54:50] we have been able to get to so far.

[54:52] We will try and get to more places.

[54:55] Then maybe it would interest you to know

[54:57] that we are coming back with Flop TV.

[54:59] Which is our six monthly, one hour-ish video live streams.

[55:05] From September 2024 to February 2025.

[55:09] On the first Saturday of each month,

[55:12] we are going to be broadcasting live

[55:15] with a series of video stream shows

[55:17] about bad or at least very silly sequels.

[55:22] If you go to theflophouse.simpletics.com,

[55:26] you can get individual show tickets for $7

[55:29] or $35 for the whole season,

[55:31] plus some small ticketing fees.

[55:34] And that's a price break on the season pass,

[55:37] the equivalent of one episode for free.

[55:40] All of the shows will stay available to watch on demand

[55:43] until the end of February 2025.

[55:46] So if you wanna catch up later in the run,

[55:49] you can get a season pass halfway through

[55:51] and get access to everything you missed.

[55:54] Halfway through is just an example.

[55:55] You can do it right up to the end.

[55:57] We've kept the format that you guys enjoyed last time,

[56:00] but we've added a few new fun bits

[56:03] we're excited for you to see.

[56:04] And like I said, this season is all sequels.

[56:08] Number twos, we're talking RoboCop 2,

[56:12] Break Into Electric Boogaloo, Caddyshack 2,

[56:15] Highlander 2, The Quickening,

[56:17] Ski School 2, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2,

[56:21] The Secret of the Ooze.

[56:23] Again, there's more details and tickets available

[56:27] at theflophouse.simpletics.com.

[56:31] And if you wanna know about stuff like this,

[56:35] but also side projects like Elliot's comics work,

[56:39] Stuart's Twitch streams, my newsletter,

[56:42] producer Alex's new album,

[56:44] and also on top of that,

[56:45] get some silly Flophouse-related writing in your inbox

[56:48] a couple of times a month,

[56:50] why not go over to flophousepodcast.com

[56:53] and put your name in the email box on the front page

[56:56] and you will get that newsletter.

[56:58] It is called Flop Secrets.

[57:00] That is a pop secret pun.

[57:03] I'm explaining it to you.

[57:05] But you know what?

[57:06] We don't just promote ourselves.

[57:08] The Flophouse is mostly supported by listeners like you,

[57:12] but we're also sponsored in part this week

[57:16] by Squarespace, the all-in-one website platform

[57:19] to stand out and succeed online.

[57:22] Whether you're just starting out

[57:24] or managing your brand with Squarespace,

[57:26] it is easy to create a beautiful website,

[57:29] engage with your audience,

[57:30] and sell anything all on your terms, your terms.

[57:34] Don't take other people's terms, your terms.

[57:38] What are some features that Squarespace offers?

[57:41] Well, the new guided design system Squarespace,

[57:44] Squarespace, why do I, I always do that.

[57:47] Squarespace Blueprint lets you personalize your site

[57:51] with professionally curated layout and styling options

[57:55] that you can use to build your online presence

[57:57] from the ground up, tailored to your needs

[58:00] and optimized for every device.

[58:03] Help your customers and get yourself paid

[58:06] with seamless and simple but powerful payment tools.

[58:09] You can accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay,

[58:13] and in eligible countries, give customers the option

[58:16] to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay.

[58:20] And whether you sell physical goods,

[58:22] digital content, or services,

[58:24] Squarespace has the tools that you need

[58:27] to set up an online store.

[58:30] So if this sounds interesting to you, right for you,

[58:33] go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

[58:36] And when you're ready to launch,

[58:38] go to squarespace.com slash flop

[58:41] to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[58:48] And now let's go back to Boston.

[58:51] And if the movie that hurt us all.

[58:55] So this is the last part of the show.

[58:57] We're gonna stand up from our chairs

[58:58] and as a man who is aging, it'll take me a few moments.

[59:02] Okay, and I did it.

[59:04] And we're going to answer a few.

[59:06] Can you live tweet that next time,

[59:07] you getting out of a chair?

[59:10] I'll do it by step by step.

[59:12] I'm like, now I'm engaging my quads.

[59:15] Engaging quads.

[59:16] Just stand up like nothing.

[59:18] Now Stuart's just showing off doing a squat on the stage.

[59:21] I can do that.

[59:22] Come on, all right.

[59:23] All right, Dan's doing it.

[59:24] All right, you did it.

[59:26] You did it.

[59:27] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[59:28] Amazing, I'm not impressed you did it.

[59:30] Look at that hip mobility.

[59:31] I'm impressed you got up from it.

[59:33] Yeah, thank you.

[59:35] We're gonna take a few questions if people have them.

[59:38] If people have them.

[59:39] Dan, you're brilliant.

[59:40] Thank you.

[59:42] And then we're gonna end the show.

[59:44] There's someone raising, well, yeah.

[59:48] Hi, my name is Glenn.

[59:50] Last name withheld.

[59:51] I'm a big fan.

[59:53] Last time you were in Boston,

[59:54] I sent this question by email and it didn't get answered, so.

[59:57] Oh, double dipping.

[59:59] All right, okay.

[1:00:00] It made me a little sad.

[1:00:02] Oh, I'm sorry.

[1:00:03] Starting with Stuart, Stuart, can you explain in detail the Primarchs,

[1:00:08] who are the soulmates of your fellow cast members?

[1:00:12] Sure, yeah, okay, let's see.

[1:00:15] We're talking about the Primarchs, the primogenitors of the different

[1:00:19] space marine legions from Warhammer 40,000.

[1:00:22] I thought Primarch was sort of a store where you can buy...

[1:00:27] Oh, Dan.

[1:00:29] A store.

[1:00:31] Cheaper.

[1:00:32] The only store we talk about is the Warhammer store.

[1:00:35] Okay.

[1:00:36] So, let's see, Dan would be, you know, he's a little prickly and tough,

[1:00:40] and he kind of plays by the rules a little bit.

[1:00:42] I would say he's a roguel-dorn.

[1:00:45] Elliot, Kalen, of course, is very wordy and devious.

[1:00:49] I would say he's Lorgar.

[1:00:52] I have no frame of reference about him.

[1:00:54] And, Stu, what about you?

[1:00:55] I'll trust that that's true.

[1:00:57] Me?

[1:00:58] Fulgrim, baby.

[1:01:00] I'm the beautiful prince who turns evil.

[1:01:02] It made more sense when backstage we were mapping ourselves onto

[1:01:05] Winnie the Pooh characters.

[1:01:06] Yeah, that's fair.

[1:01:08] Dan's Winnie the Pooh, I'm Piglet, Stuart's Tigger, Dan is also Rabbit.

[1:01:11] What are you talking about?

[1:01:13] And Christopher Robin.

[1:01:14] I'm a classic Eeyore.

[1:01:16] You're Eeyore, too?

[1:01:17] Wow, there's a lot.

[1:01:18] I mean, A.A. Milne's stories are basically the movie Identity,

[1:01:20] but for you, right?

[1:01:23] Where do we have other...

[1:01:26] Where's the microphone?

[1:01:27] We've got microphones.

[1:01:29] This is Adam, last name withheld.

[1:01:31] So given that this is a kid's version of The Sixth Sense,

[1:01:35] like a kid's rip-off, like a whimsical Sixth Sense...

[1:01:37] Instead of seeing ghosts, they see imaginary friends.

[1:01:39] Yeah, so what would you think of other M. Night Shyamalan movies

[1:01:42] being turned into for kids?

[1:01:45] I mean, to be honest, there's a...

[1:01:48] I mean, old is basically big.

[1:01:51] Like, you go to a beach, you become a grown-up,

[1:01:53] you see what it's like to be a grown-up,

[1:01:55] and then you find a magic shell or whatever that turns you into a kid.

[1:01:58] Is there a part in old where a little kid touches a woman's boobs?

[1:02:01] Kind of.

[1:02:03] Yeah, you're right.

[1:02:05] The two kids grow up and have a baby.

[1:02:07] We were just sort of writing a Winnie the Pooh split for me.

[1:02:11] Okay, yeah.

[1:02:12] Where I inhabit all of the...

[1:02:14] Somebody is MPD, but they're all Winnie the Pooh characters?

[1:02:17] Yeah, Winnie's the Pooh.

[1:02:19] Winnie's the Pooh.

[1:02:21] Yeah, I don't know.

[1:02:23] Yeah, I mean, I think we've already gone into it.

[1:02:25] We've done it. We've done it. There's no way to do any better.

[1:02:28] And Devil, kids love pushing buttons in elevators.

[1:02:31] That was just produced by him.

[1:02:33] Oh, sorry, yeah. Sorry.

[1:02:35] Okay, throw me out, ref.

[1:02:38] The M. Night universe over there, I think we have.

[1:02:41] Hi, yes. It's kind of a selfish question.

[1:02:44] It's for all of you, but it starts with Stuart.

[1:02:47] I was on a work trip to Brooklyn.

[1:02:50] I came and visited Hinterlands.

[1:02:52] And you were behind the bar.

[1:02:54] Whoa.

[1:02:56] Great bartender.

[1:02:57] And we had a good discussion.

[1:03:00] And I told you I was about to go see a screening of Ready or Not.

[1:03:03] And you said, whoa, I can't wait to see that.

[1:03:06] Come back and tell me how it is.

[1:03:07] And I did. I told you I loved it.

[1:03:09] And you're like, I can't wait to see it.

[1:03:11] Now, this was 2019, just before the pandemic.

[1:03:14] So for all of you, but Stuart first, did you get to see it?

[1:03:17] And did you like it or not?

[1:03:19] I would say I saw it and I liked it, but I was a little disappointed.

[1:03:23] That's not a very exciting answer.

[1:03:26] I feel like, I don't know.

[1:03:27] I feel like those guys' movies are a little, I don't know, like easy.

[1:03:32] I liked that one a fair amount.

[1:03:35] Samara Weaving is great.

[1:03:36] Yeah, she's great.

[1:03:37] I liked it better than Abigail.

[1:03:39] I mean, Abigail was sort of hamstrung by all of it being explained in the trailer.

[1:03:43] But I think that if you're looking for a comedy horror movie from those guys,

[1:03:48] that's the one to watch, Ready or Not.

[1:03:50] I liked it.

[1:03:51] I'll love anything where I can see some Andy McD.

[1:03:54] Is that the cool kid way of saying Andy McDowell?

[1:03:57] That's how kids say Andy McDowell, Andy McD.

[1:03:59] So my younger son is obsessed with Charles Darwin right now.

[1:04:01] And I'm like, you want to read another book about Chucky D?

[1:04:04] And he does not like it.

[1:04:05] He doesn't like that at all.

[1:04:07] Show him respect, father.

[1:04:09] I'm like, tonight you want to read another book about Chardar?

[1:04:11] He's like, no, not at Dudley's.

[1:04:13] His name is Charles Darwin.

[1:04:16] Where's the mic?

[1:04:18] Over there, I guess.

[1:04:21] Hi, I'm Eric.

[1:04:22] Last name withheld.

[1:04:24] We're just going into stuff the hosts know about.

[1:04:27] Elliot, you teased in a recent episode, you know about the Spider-Man villain, Carrion.

[1:04:33] I was wondering if you wanted to explain it to the audience here.

[1:04:37] Yeah, you didn't tell us about Carrion.

[1:04:39] You're right.

[1:04:40] I didn't tell you about Carrion.

[1:04:41] I teased that I would explain the back story of Carrion.

[1:04:43] I'm assuming he's some kind of villain who makes himself small enough that he can be taken onto the plane.

[1:04:48] No, that's an interesting misunderstanding.

[1:04:50] It's actually the homonym Carrion is in like a corpse.

[1:04:53] That's what a homonym is?

[1:04:55] Yeah.

[1:04:56] Oh, Jesus.

[1:04:57] A homonym does not live in a hole in the ground, no.

[1:04:59] Like in the E.C. comic, Carrion Death, of course.

[1:05:02] The famous...

[1:05:03] Sure, yeah.

[1:05:04] I'm just making another reference that no one else is going to enjoy.

[1:05:07] Anyway, he's a withered clone of another guy, and there's a virus that can turn you into that clone.

[1:05:14] He was supposed to be Norman Osborn's dead body come to life, and then the editors were like, we're not doing that.

[1:05:19] And so he's related to Miles Warren, who was the Jackal, and he was the one who caused the whole clone saga.

[1:05:25] This is all stuff you guys know about.

[1:05:27] I love how you've been asked to explain it because you poo-pooed it at the time, and you're like, ah, well, you know.

[1:05:35] You guys know about this.

[1:05:36] Come on.

[1:05:37] So anyway, for more about Carrion, I guess check my website.

[1:05:39] Carrion on about Carrion.

[1:05:41] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:05:42] ElliotCailin.geocities.ca or something.

[1:05:46] Is it geocities?

[1:05:47] It's not geocities.

[1:05:50] Oh, the geocities.

[1:05:52] Wait.

[1:05:53] That's it.

[1:05:54] I would say geocities.

[1:05:55] You pronounce it geocities?

[1:05:56] Geocities, yeah.

[1:05:57] Oh, my God.

[1:05:59] We broke his brain.

[1:06:00] I've got to check my geocities website.

[1:06:05] I've got to make some calls.

[1:06:07] We need another question.

[1:06:08] That was too shocking.

[1:06:09] Let's do three more questions so we can cut it off clean.

[1:06:12] Is there one over there?

[1:06:15] Yeah.

[1:06:16] Hello.

[1:06:17] Name is Bryant.

[1:06:18] Last name withheld.

[1:06:19] And we seem to be on the topic of too stupid deep lore stuff, so here we go.

[1:06:23] We can also answer questions that are not about deep lore.

[1:06:26] No, no, no, no, no.

[1:06:27] This is a deep lore show.

[1:06:28] On the podcast, Elliot and sometimes Stu will regularly drop the names of obscure Star Wars characters

[1:06:33] who have few or no lines and are only named in toys or ancillary media.

[1:06:37] Sometimes.

[1:06:39] These characters are sometimes affectionately referred to as glup-shittos.

[1:06:43] Yes.

[1:06:44] My question is, which glup-shitto would you pick to be the vice presidential running mate for Kamala Harris?

[1:06:51] Ooh.

[1:06:52] Interesting.

[1:06:53] Okay, this is a good question.

[1:06:54] Getting into the issues.

[1:06:55] This is a good question.

[1:06:56] You've got to balance out her strengths with new strengths.

[1:06:59] You've got to bring, you do not want, you don't want Dr. Evazan or Ponda Beba,

[1:07:03] because those guys are troublemakers.

[1:07:06] I mean, he's a bit of a troublemaker, but I think the kids are so into vaping,

[1:07:09] maybe Elon Sleazebag Anno, the death stick stealer.

[1:07:12] Yeah, that's true.

[1:07:13] I mean, he has a checkered past, but that's obviously not a barrier for some.

[1:07:17] And he's, and thanks to Obi-Wan, he no longer does that.

[1:07:20] Yeah.

[1:07:21] I mean, a man-o-man has a certain quiet dignity.

[1:07:28] I mean, I just, I mean, I like a good Gamorrean guard.

[1:07:31] Like, I don't care which one.

[1:07:32] Yeah, blue collar, understands the regular folk.

[1:07:34] I understand.

[1:07:35] Yeah, yeah, of course.

[1:07:36] Likes axes.

[1:07:37] Likes axes.

[1:07:38] Yeah, sure.

[1:07:39] Bringing in the axe boat.

[1:07:40] Okay.

[1:07:41] Yeah, I think that's, yeah.

[1:07:42] Maybe like a rancor handler.

[1:07:44] I mean, he's a man who's comfortable showing his feelings.

[1:07:46] So, yes.

[1:07:47] He understands loss.

[1:07:49] Yeah, and he might have a rancor if he can find another one.

[1:07:51] You know what?

[1:07:52] He is the guy that we all thought that senator from, where was it?

[1:07:56] The guy who wears a sweatshirt all the time.

[1:07:58] Mm-hmm.

[1:07:59] The rancor keeper is the guy we thought he was.

[1:08:01] Yeah.

[1:08:02] Yeah, just kind of sensitive, but again, blue collar.

[1:08:04] He's good with animals.

[1:08:06] Okay.

[1:08:07] One more from over here, and then one more from over here, and then we'll say goodnight.

[1:08:12] I mean, he doesn't have a lot of political leadership experience.

[1:08:14] You can keep talking about that while we move on.

[1:08:16] You want a Star Wars character with executive ability?

[1:08:19] Sure, yeah.

[1:08:20] Maybe.

[1:08:21] Well, I was going to say the guy who runs the Mos Eisley Cantina, but he's anti-droid.

[1:08:25] That's not going to fly.

[1:08:26] No.

[1:08:27] Hey, guys.

[1:08:28] I'm George.

[1:08:29] The other day, my mom watched The Kids, and she sent me a text that night saying, oh,

[1:08:33] we watched If, and I loved it!

[1:08:37] Previously, we had disagreements about Cats, where she genuinely thinks it's a really good

[1:08:42] movie and says that I just don't.

[1:08:44] She might be right about that.

[1:08:46] She says that I just don't understand it, and that's why I don't think that it's good.

[1:08:51] I like that response.

[1:08:54] But I'm just curious.

[1:08:55] Come back to Cats when you've experienced some things.

[1:09:00] But what is a movie, if you wanted to get a sense of someone's taste as like a bellwether,

[1:09:05] if you'd ask them their opinion of a movie to get kind of a feel for their taste?

[1:09:09] Before we answer this, I'm going to say I don't approve of this way of judging people.

[1:09:13] But asking them about one movie and being like, how do you feel about this one?

[1:09:16] No, no, no.

[1:09:18] Have you read Watchmen?

[1:09:19] To be fair, he just said to get a sense of their taste.

[1:09:24] He did not say necessarily that there was a judgment attached to it.

[1:09:29] You're right.

[1:09:30] Judgment free, how do you feel about this movie?

[1:09:33] Yeah, I mean, it's an easy one.

[1:09:34] If somebody doesn't like My Cousin Vinny, they're a monster.

[1:09:38] I mean, this is a weird one.

[1:09:47] It's a weird one because I'm like, well, you can get a pretty good idea of someone's feelings about movies

[1:09:51] if you make them watch Possession or Mother and see how they respond to that.

[1:09:55] Oh, yeah.

[1:09:56] Do you like How Sue?

[1:09:57] But if...

[1:10:00] If someone's like, my favorite movie, Boondock Saints,

[1:10:03] sorry Boston, then I'll be like, I don't know.

[1:10:07] Yeah, no, that's a really good one

[1:10:09] because I feel like in college there are a lot of people

[1:10:11] who are like really into Boondock Saints.

[1:10:12] I'm like, I'm sure you're lovely

[1:10:15] but I don't think we're gonna get along.

[1:10:17] Another writer recently told me

[1:10:18] that they had to update their references

[1:10:20] because the thing they used to say

[1:10:22] just to describe certain types of guys was,

[1:10:24] well, you know, Fight Club is his favorite movie.

[1:10:26] And then she started talking to people

[1:10:27] who are young enough that they're like, what?

[1:10:30] Like, I don't know, okay, I don't like it, so.

[1:10:32] Wait, what's the new Fight Club is their favorite movie?

[1:10:34] I don't know.

[1:10:35] I don't know what the new Fight Club is.

[1:10:35] Joker.

[1:10:36] It's probably Joker.

[1:10:37] Oh yeah, Joker, yeah.

[1:10:38] It's fair point.

[1:10:39] It's Joker.

[1:10:40] Yeah.

[1:10:40] It's just Joker.

[1:10:41] The new Joker's got it.

[1:10:42] It's Joker.

[1:10:43] What?

[1:10:44] The guy's twisted.

[1:10:45] Forget about him.

[1:10:45] He's got Lady Gaga in there.

[1:10:47] We got one more over there.

[1:10:49] Hi, Hollis, last name withheld.

[1:10:51] I would like to play Radio Zork.

[1:10:53] Oh, let's dust it off.

[1:10:56] Let me blow the dust off this old console.

[1:10:59] This old Tandy.

[1:11:01] Okay, boot it up.

[1:11:02] Let's play some Radio Zork.

[1:11:03] Is there any way that I can acquire an alligator?

[1:11:08] I think you're gonna have to phrase that

[1:11:09] in the form of an order of command.

[1:11:11] The command line.

[1:11:13] I would like to acquire an alligator.

[1:11:15] You look around the doorstep, searching for an alligator.

[1:11:21] None are to be found.

[1:11:23] Thank you for playing Radio Zork.

[1:11:24] Tune in next week.

[1:11:24] Thank you so much.

[1:11:25] Tune in next time for the next move on Radio Zork.

[1:11:28] Thank you so much for coming here to WBUR City Space.

[1:11:32] We're gonna be signing some merch, selling some merch,

[1:11:37] just chatting out there,

[1:11:39] but now we have to go back there for a moment before that.

[1:11:42] We'll be in the back for a couple minutes, yeah,

[1:11:44] and then we'll come out and we can say things

[1:11:45] and you can sign them and then you take them home.

[1:11:48] Or we'll just say hi.

[1:11:48] Just like a talk show.

[1:11:49] You can do that, too.

[1:11:50] But thank you so much for being here.

[1:11:52] For The Flawless, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:11:54] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:11:55] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:11:56] Thank you, Boston.

[1:11:57] Good night.

[1:11:58] Appreciate it.

[1:11:58] Oh, this guy.

[1:12:07] Oh, thank you.

[1:12:09] We forgot to mention you.

[1:12:10] Stuart is now more virtual than meat.

[1:12:14] He no longer exists in physical space.

[1:12:16] Yeah, if you want, you know.

[1:12:18] Elliot, if you've been following me on TikTok,

[1:12:20] you'll see that I am plenty full of meat.

[1:12:22] Please, please let it be just a eating series

[1:12:27] that you're doing.

[1:12:28] Technically, we're all full of meat.

[1:12:31] We're made of meat.

[1:12:32] Hello, Boston.

[1:12:34] Hey!

[1:12:38] Talk about your cities of meat, right?

[1:12:41] Uh-huh.

[1:12:43] Like what?

[1:12:44] Name them.

[1:12:45] What is a Boston meat?

[1:12:46] Well, uh.

[1:12:48] You go to your Boston market and you get.

[1:12:50] You get Boston chicken.

[1:12:51] Yeah.

[1:12:53] A Yankee bean is just a testicle, right?

[1:12:54] That's right.

[1:12:56] Wait, is lobster meat?

[1:12:57] Is that a, is that?

[1:12:59] Thank you.

[1:13:00] Okay, I'm right.

[1:13:01] Yeah, you're right.

[1:13:01] You did it.

[1:13:02] You guys are always trying to gaslight me.

[1:13:05] They know I'm right.

[1:13:06] We've been trying to convince him for years

[1:13:08] that lobster is not meat,

[1:13:09] and someone in his audience messed it up.

[1:13:10] You all undid it in one fell swoop.

[1:13:14] Maximum fun.

[1:13:16] A worker-owned network.

[1:13:17] Of artist-owned shows.

[1:13:19] Supported.

[1:13:19] Directly.

[1:13:20] By you.

Ep.#432 - IF, Live!

Transcript

Description