Ep.#435 - Night Swim

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss Night Swim.

Stuart Wellington

[0:07] Nope, that's the wrong theme.

Dan McCoy

[0:30] Night Swim

Elliott Kalan

[1:00] Crawley's crawling underfoot.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03] Uh-huh.

[1:03] Yep.

[1:04] That's how it goes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] Along with all those crunchy leaves on the ground.

[1:08] Yep.

[1:08] And all the various colors.

Dan McCoy

[1:10] Creepier than a crunchy leaf.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] And the ground is filled with zombies and tremors and shit.

[1:16] Yeah.

[1:17] Chuds and whatnot.

[1:17] They're called grabwoods, Stuart.

[1:19] Oh.

[1:20] Why do you...

[1:21] Man, I'm going to get roasted in the comments.

Dan McCoy

[1:24] Yeah.

[1:24] As you can tell, obviously, from everything we just said,

[1:28] we're in Shocktober, the part of the Flophouse calendar year

[1:32] where we talk horror movies.

[1:34] In the old days, we sort of did it all the time,

Stuart Wellington

[1:36] but now it's been sequestered to its own month.

[1:39] That was when Stuart got to pick the movies more.

[1:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42] Well, it was when we did a lot more picking the movie

[1:43] we were going to talk about the night that we were recording.

Stuart Wellington

[1:46] Uh-huh.

[1:46] We're like, this seems good.

[1:47] Why not this?

[1:48] Yeah.

[1:49] This little movie poster looks terrible.

[1:52] Yeah, this is worth our time.

[1:53] Sorority House Row.

[1:54] Yeah, sure.

Dan McCoy

[1:55] But for this first Shocktober surprise,

[2:01] we watched Night Swim.

Elliott Kalan

[2:03] I mean, this feels like a blast from the past

[2:06] in that it does feel like the kind of movie

[2:07] we would settle on just by seeing what's available

[2:10] on a streamer the night that we were at Dan's apartment.

Dan McCoy

[2:13] About the haunted pool, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Yeah.

[2:15] I mean, it was a surprise to me about a month ago

[2:17] when I texted you guys that I was on the treadmill

[2:20] and I was watching Night Swim,

[2:21] and Dan's like, we're going to have to do that for Shocktober.

[2:24] So you might as well, I hope you like it.

[2:27] I'm like, shit.

Dan McCoy

[2:28] Here's the thing.

[2:29] I do like it.

[2:30] Horror in general has been better lately

[2:36] than it was for a while.

[2:38] I was looking at recent horror movies

[2:40] that we could do for Shocktober

[2:43] and this was kind of the most major one

[2:47] that got a lot of bad reviews in recent memory.

[2:52] So normally I would have been like,

[2:53] yeah, that's fine.

[2:54] But I kind of had my sights set on this one.

[2:57] Although, I don't know.

[2:58] It sort of turned out to not have a lot of electricity in it.

[3:02] No.

[3:02] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[3:03] I mean, spoiler alert for our final judgments.

[3:05] This turned out to be, again,

[3:06] a blast from the Flophouse past

[3:08] and that this is a real filler of a movie

[3:10] in a lot of ways.

[3:11] It's a real time filler.

Stuart Wellington

[3:13] Our boys over at Blumhouse

[3:14] are cooking up some bland stuff for us to eat.

Elliott Kalan

[3:18] But we'll talk about it.

[3:20] But it's funny that Dan was like,

[3:22] oh boy, we better dive into Night Swim.

[3:25] And while I was watching it,

[3:26] I was like, yeah, this feels like it's a movie.

[3:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3:29] There's movie stuff going on.

[3:30] Technically, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:31] It was one of these movies that I saw the trailer

[3:33] and there's a lot of chuckling in the theater

[3:36] because people were like,

[3:37] oh boy, a haunted pool?

[3:39] No thank you.

[3:39] What are those ad wizards in Hollywood

[3:42] cooking up for us today?

[3:43] You know, like,

[3:44] and I actually watched the trailer being like,

[3:47] I don't know, like,

[3:48] if approached with the right spirit,

[3:50] this could be fun.

[3:51] Like, I like that sort of silliness in a premise.

Stuart Wellington

[3:55] Yeah, pools can be scary, dude.

[3:56] What if you do a sick-ass cannonball

[3:58] and your underpants fall off?

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] Well, but also, pools are scary.

[4:00] Like, people die in them.

[4:02] It is the most dangerous thing

[4:06] you can have in your house after a gun, basically.

[4:08] Yeah, which is why you have both.

Stuart Wellington

[4:11] Pool hot bag.

Elliott Kalan

[4:11] Well, that's why I have a pool

[4:13] that I shoot a gun into, yeah.

[4:14] Yeah, I feel like, yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[4:15] they keep each other in check

[4:16] is what you're saying, right?

[4:17] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[4:18] Every now and then,

[4:18] the gun's acting up,

[4:19] I throw it in the pool,

[4:20] and if the pool looks like

[4:21] it's got some ideas on its mind,

[4:22] I shoot it a few times, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:23] When you throw the gun in the pool,

[4:24] do you imagine you're the guy

[4:25] from The Irishman?

Elliott Kalan

[4:27] I always imagine

[4:28] I'm the guy from The Irishman.

Stuart Wellington

[4:30] The Irishman.

[4:30] Okay, the one who paints houses.

Elliott Kalan

[4:32] The titular Irishman.

[4:32] Yeah, yeah, the one who paints houses.

[4:34] The one who's an incredibly old young man.

Stuart Wellington

[4:37] Yeah, yeah.

[4:37] He's like,

[4:38] oh, Joe Pesci,

[4:39] I'll paint your house for you.

[4:42] Yeah.

[4:42] But for having sort of like...

[4:44] Red blood,

[4:45] black bullets,

[4:46] green clovers.

[4:47] Oh, if you don't leave me alone,

[4:48] I'll chop me fucking fingers off.

[4:50] I don't...

Elliott Kalan

[4:51] Yeah, wait a minute.

[4:52] What if that was The Irishman?

[4:53] I mean,

[4:54] I mean,

[4:55] Terry Condon,

[4:56] who's in this movie

[4:56] and is in the Banshee's

[4:58] I'm in a chair.

Stuart Wellington

[4:58] Let's say criminally wasted

[5:00] in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[5:01] Let's say underutilized.

[5:03] That's true.

[5:03] Certainly is not given as much

[5:04] to tear into

[5:06] as she is in the work

[5:07] with Martin McDonough.

[5:08] That's for sure.

[5:09] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:10] I don't want to get out...

[5:11] Oh, I figure,

Elliott Kalan

[5:11] I figure I might not

[5:12] put the pool in the back.

[5:14] It seems a wee bit haunted.

[5:17] That's The Irishman

[5:18] in Night Swim.

[5:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:19] I don't want to get out

[5:20] over our skis too much

[5:21] and like make a judgment

[5:23] too early in the show,

[5:25] but I do think that...

[5:25] You may change your mind.

[5:26] Yeah.

[5:27] Well,

[5:27] no,

[5:27] I do think that like

[5:28] part of the thing was like

[5:29] my anticipation

[5:31] that maybe this would be fun

[5:33] was based on the idea

[5:34] of like leaning into

[5:36] the silliness

[5:36] a little bit more.

[5:37] Like I feel like

[5:38] the movie could use

[5:39] a bit more

[5:40] of a grindhouse-y spirit

[5:42] maybe.

[5:43] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[5:44] I will say this about it.

[5:45] In a movie about

[5:46] a haunted pool,

[5:46] the haunted pool

[5:47] was the least interesting

[5:48] part of the movie for me

[5:50] and I found myself

[5:51] wishing this was a story

[5:52] about a family

[5:53] that's dealing with

[5:53] a major transition

[5:54] in their lives

[5:56] and that there was

[5:57] not a haunted pool in it

[5:58] and it has more pool stuff

[6:01] than the movie

[6:02] Pontypool,

[6:03] which has no pool in it.

[6:04] So you got to give it that.

[6:05] And no Ponty.

Stuart Wellington

[6:06] Yeah, let me...

[6:07] Whatever that is.

Elliott Kalan

[6:08] There's also 0% Ponty as well.

Stuart Wellington

[6:10] Elliot showed up

[6:10] with fucking receipts

[6:11] against Pontypool.

[6:14] Okay, let's dig into this.

[6:16] Let's dive in.

[6:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] Yep.

[6:18] Okay.

[6:20] Let me just get out my notes.

[6:21] Okay.

[6:22] He feels like

[6:22] Seward put on his reading glasses

[6:23] and it's like he's waiting.

[6:24] It sounded like he was

[6:25] fumfering so that we would

[6:27] comment on it.

[6:28] They're great looking glasses.

Stuart Wellington

[6:30] I'm a very good

[6:31] physical performer, Elliot.

[6:33] Okay.

[6:34] So the movie opens.

[6:36] We have...

[6:37] It's night.

[6:38] We have a house.

[6:39] There is a pool in back.

[6:40] That's right.

[6:40] The haunted pool

[6:41] is in the back of this house.

[6:43] Inside the home,

[6:44] there is a sick kid

[6:45] hooked up to some machines.

[6:47] His little sister

[6:48] or big sister,

[6:49] but it's a little girl

[6:50] named...

[6:51] Who we will find out

[6:51] is named Rebecca.

[6:53] Goes outside

[6:54] because she thinks

[6:54] there's something going on

[6:55] with the pool.

[6:56] She sees his toy

[6:57] floating in the pool.

[6:58] Then the ghost pushes her in.

[6:59] It's like a little motorboat.

[7:01] Yeah.

[7:02] Which is a super important detail.

[7:04] And she gets...

[7:05] I mean, it shows up

Elliott Kalan

[7:06] multiple times

[7:06] throughout the movie,

[7:07] so you might as well

[7:08] describe it now.

Stuart Wellington

[7:08] Which is...

[7:09] Which is weird

[7:10] because if you're going to have a toy

[7:12] that is inexplicably in a pool,

[7:14] put something that doesn't

[7:15] normally go in water, right?

[7:16] Like a boat?

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] Well, what's strange to me about it

[7:18] is it becomes the thing

[7:20] that the spirit in the pool

[7:22] is using to lure people in.

[7:24] And it's like,

[7:24] why did it grab onto

[7:26] this one toy boat

[7:27] as its thing?

[7:28] In theory,

[7:29] this thing has been around

[7:30] since time immemorial

[7:31] and it's had many victims.

[7:33] How come it's always that boat?

[7:34] But it's because

[7:34] it's what they established

[7:35] in the beginning of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[7:36] Isn't that what Georgie

[7:37] was chasing

[7:37] when Pennywise

[7:38] ripped his arm off?

[7:39] Well, it was an origami boat

[7:41] in It.

Elliott Kalan

[7:43] It was like a paper boat

[7:44] like you'd make

[7:45] out of a newspaper, right?

Dan McCoy

[7:46] Mm-hmm.

[7:47] Yeah.

[7:49] Our friend Kurt's daughter

[7:52] was like savage

[7:53] about Georgie and It.

[7:56] By the way,

[7:57] I thought it was so hilarious.

[7:58] She was like,

[7:59] that kid deserved...

[8:00] Like,

[8:01] why are you going to

[8:01] believe in a...

[8:02] Like,

[8:02] why are you going to do

[8:03] what a clown in a sewer

[8:04] tells you?

[8:06] Well,

[8:06] these city kids

[8:07] are built different,

[8:08] Dan.

[8:08] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[8:09] Then those kids in Derry.

[8:10] I mean,

[8:10] but it is all...

[8:10] I mean,

[8:11] it's all...

[8:12] They're tied to the fact

[8:13] that they have to fulfill

[8:14] what the audience expects

[8:15] from the first version

[8:16] of that story,

[8:17] Georgie Girl,

[8:18] with its famous theme song,

[8:19] Hey there,

[8:21] Georgie Girl,

[8:22] listen to the clown

[8:23] inside the sewer.

[8:26] Yeah.

[8:27] I remember that song.

[8:28] Okay.

[8:28] Of course.

[8:29] So as I said...

[8:30] It's going to tell you

[8:30] what you should do her.

[8:32] Hey there,

[8:33] Georgie Girl.

[8:34] So it's...

[8:36] They were like,

[8:37] the fans are going to understand

[8:38] after having seen Georgie Girl

[8:40] that Georgie in it

[8:41] is going to listen to this clown.

[8:43] Yeah.

[8:44] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:45] So back to Night Swim,

[8:47] Rebecca gets pushed

[8:48] into the pool by a ghost

[8:49] and then she,

[8:50] the pool like,

[8:51] spins her around

[8:52] and then drowns her.

[8:53] Okay.

[8:54] Years later.

[8:55] Classic haunted pool.

[8:56] Classic haunted pool.

Dan McCoy

[8:57] You know,

[8:58] I'm not actually someone

[8:59] who's like sensitive

[9:00] to child death

[9:02] in movies as a...

[9:03] You love it.

[9:04] Yeah,

[9:05] you ask for it.

[9:05] Well, you know,

[9:05] I just know that like...

Elliott Kalan

[9:07] Dan's like,

[9:08] who could kill a child?

[9:09] Me,

[9:10] in a movie.

Stuart Wellington

[9:11] Parents love to talk about...

[9:12] Yeah, he's like,

[9:13] Manchester by the Sea.

[9:14] I wish more kids

[9:15] had burned up in that house.

Dan McCoy

[9:17] I'm just like,

[9:18] like parents,

[9:19] especially new parents,

[9:20] love to talk about like,

[9:21] oh,

[9:21] I can't do it anymore.

[9:23] I can't do it anymore.

[9:24] And as someone

[9:24] who has not had that experience,

[9:25] I'm like...

Elliott Kalan

[9:26] Well, you can't do it anymore,

[9:27] but it's because the kid

[9:27] keeps you from getting

Dan McCoy

[9:28] into that mood,

[9:29] you know?

[9:31] But I certainly,

[9:33] as I grew older,

[9:34] like this bothered me

[9:35] more than most

[9:36] because it was sort of

[9:37] realistic

[9:38] in the situation.

[9:40] Like,

[9:40] I know how dangerous

[9:41] like pools can be

[9:42] for kids.

[9:43] and, you know,

[9:44] so unlike, say,

[9:45] Assault on Precinct 13

[9:47] where the death of a child

[9:48] is sort of like

[9:49] almost a shocking

[9:50] dark joke.

[9:52] It's very rare

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] that someone just

[9:54] drives up to a kid

[9:55] on the street randomly

[9:56] and shoots them in the face.

[9:57] Certainly an ice cream man

[9:59] doesn't do it that often.

[10:01] Yeah,

[10:01] I would go as far

[10:02] as to say zero times.

Stuart Wellington

[10:03] Guys,

[10:04] that movie's wild.

[10:05] It is a wild movie.

Elliott Kalan

[10:06] But you're right,

[10:07] there is something

[10:08] much more realistic

[10:09] about a kid

[10:09] drowning in a pool.

[10:10] I mean,

[10:10] that's the number one

[10:11] type of person

[10:12] that is killed by pool.

[10:13] Yeah.

[10:14] Children, you know.

[10:15] Okay, well, speaking of.

[10:16] But the strange thing is

[10:17] even though knowing

[10:18] that that is a danger

[10:19] that my own children

[10:20] occasionally face

[10:21] and I'm glad

[10:22] and I'm always worried

[10:23] about them.

[10:23] Every time one of my kids

[10:24] goes underwater to swim,

[10:26] I get very nervous

[10:26] just for a moment

[10:27] before they come up again.

[10:28] It didn't affect me that much.

[10:29] Maybe because like,

[10:30] I don't know,

[10:31] this movie is,

[10:32] I think if it was.

[10:34] You made sure

[10:34] that your pool

[10:35] isn't haunted?

[10:36] Well, the one thing is

[10:36] there's a fence

[10:37] around that pool.

[10:38] This pool in this movie

[10:39] did not have a fence

[10:40] around it.

[10:41] Pool owners,

[10:41] you gotta put a fence

[10:42] around it.

[10:43] That's the most

[10:43] important thing.

[10:44] Put a ring on it

[10:45] if you want a keeper

[10:45] and put a fence

[10:46] around that pool

[10:47] if you want your kids

[10:47] to stay safe.

[10:48] Oh, man.

Stuart Wellington

[10:49] These are important

Elliott Kalan

[10:50] life lessons.

[10:52] But I think the movie

[10:53] was trying so hard

[10:53] to feel serious,

[10:55] I think,

[10:55] that it kind of went

[10:56] around the bend

[10:56] for me in some ways.

Stuart Wellington

[10:58] Yeah, so we get the title.

[11:00] Oh, yeah.

[11:02] Oh, yeah, I read the title.

[11:03] Years later,

[11:03] years later,

Stuart Wellington

[11:03] years later,

[11:04] we meet a new family

[11:05] who is house hunting

[11:06] in a little suburb

[11:08] near the Twin Cities

[11:10] from what we're told,

[11:11] which, again,

[11:12] I do have to point out,

[11:13] that seems like

[11:13] a weird location

[11:14] for a house

[11:16] with a haunted pool.

[11:17] Maybe I'm wrong,

[11:19] but I feel like

[11:19] you're not going to get

[11:20] to use that pool

[11:21] that much of the year, right?

[11:22] No, you're not going

Elliott Kalan

[11:23] to get to use that pool

[11:23] that much of the year.

[11:24] Especially, no,

[11:25] in winter,

[11:25] it's done.

[11:26] In autumn,

[11:26] it gets really cold.

[11:27] But yes,

[11:27] we'll find it's at,

[11:28] the pool was more built there

[11:29] because of the presence

[11:30] of a natural spring.

[11:32] Okay, I thought

Dan McCoy

[11:33] you were arguing

[11:33] that, you know,

[11:34] the water is more haunted

[11:36] down south

[11:37] than it is

[11:38] around the Twin Cities.

Elliott Kalan

[11:40] In the bayou?

[11:41] You better believe it is.

Stuart Wellington

[11:42] That's for sure.

[11:43] Yeah, that's true.

[11:44] There's all that voodoo

[11:44] floating around in there.

[11:45] Yeah, that's where

[11:45] a swamp thing lives.

[11:47] Yeah, you know it.

[11:48] Okay, so,

[11:49] we meet this family.

[11:50] We have the father.

Elliott Kalan

[11:51] Down here,

[11:51] we got some haunted water,

[11:53] not like your safe water

[11:54] up north.

[11:56] When I moved,

[11:57] that's Crawdaddy.

[11:59] He goes,

[11:59] when I moved to Connecticut

[12:01] up from Louisiana,

[12:02] I think I missed

[12:03] the po'boys,

[12:04] I missed the beignets,

[12:06] and I missed

[12:06] my haunted water.

Stuart Wellington

[12:08] Wow, that was a plus for him.

Elliott Kalan

[12:10] No, no, he missed it.

[12:11] Long-awaited return

[12:12] of Crawdaddy.

[12:13] Yeah, yeah.

[12:13] Oh, yeah,

[12:14] the haunted water

[12:14] was a plus.

[12:15] Yeah, yeah.

[12:16] You go swim,

[12:17] you don't know

[12:18] what you're gonna get.

[12:19] You're gonna get wet,

[12:20] you're gonna have

[12:20] a nice time,

[12:21] you're gonna get dragged

[12:22] down to the underworld.

[12:23] That risk made it worthwhile.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] Yeah.

[12:26] But up here in Connecticut,

[12:27] this cement pool,

[12:30] just nice.

[12:31] Never tries to drag you down.

[12:33] Yeah.

[12:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:34] That's weird

[12:35] the things you miss,

[12:36] you know?

[12:36] Yeah.

[12:37] We all grow up Crawdaddy.

Elliott Kalan

[12:38] I spent so much of my life

[12:39] wishing I didn't have to worry

[12:41] about the water spirits

[12:42] pulling me down

[12:43] to the underworld.

[12:44] Now I kind of miss it.

[12:46] Like that song,

[12:47] like when I saw you.

[12:47] Nye ads and whatnot.

[12:48] Like that song,

[12:49] Stay by Lisa Lerb.

[12:51] Wasn't a fan of it

[12:52] when I was young,

[12:53] but now it hits me

[12:54] with the nostalgia.

Stuart Wellington

[12:55] Really wild pronunciation,

[12:58] but I'm down with it.

[12:59] Stay on that.

[12:59] Yeah, yeah.

[13:00] Okay.

[13:00] That's how they say it

[13:01] right there.

[13:02] Yeah, it's like

[13:05] he's pronouncing Clerb.

Dan McCoy

[13:07] I once brought

[13:09] Lisa Loeb some cheese,

[13:10] but I just wanted

[13:11] to mention that.

[13:12] Legally?

[13:13] Unsolicited?

[13:14] Yeah.

[13:14] No, no.

[13:15] Our friend Sarah Schaefer

[13:17] had her on her live talk show.

[13:19] Oh, yeah.

[13:20] I was operating

Elliott Kalan

[13:20] one of the cameras

[13:21] for the recording

[13:22] of that show.

[13:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[13:23] And we were like,

[13:24] we've got a big guest

[13:26] for once.

[13:26] We've got to bring her

[13:27] some cheese.

[13:27] Did she complain

Stuart Wellington

[13:29] that she had nerd sweat

[13:30] all over the cheese

[13:31] when he delivered

[13:32] it?

Dan McCoy

[13:33] I was, yeah,

[13:34] I was starstruck.

[13:36] She was just sitting

[13:36] in the back

[13:36] doing crosswords,

[13:37] though.

[13:38] She seemed to enjoy

[13:38] the cheese.

[13:39] I don't know.

[13:39] That's all I've got

[13:40] to say about that.

Stuart Wellington

[13:41] All right.

[13:41] Well, what a story.

[13:42] Yeah, I love it.

[13:43] Okay, so we meet

[13:44] this family.

[13:45] The father is Ray,

[13:48] played by,

[13:49] what's his name?

[13:50] Wyatt Russell.

[13:50] Yeah, Wyatt Russell.

Elliott Kalan

[13:51] Kurt Russell's kid.

[13:52] Third generation Russell.

[13:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[13:54] He is a recently

[13:56] retired or on leave

[13:59] baseball player.

[14:01] He was, he is,

Elliott Kalan

[14:02] he is, uh,

[14:03] experiencing medical

[14:04] problems.

[14:05] Yeah.

[14:05] And so he has had

[14:06] to go into, uh,

[14:07] early retirement.

[14:07] We will learn later.

Stuart Wellington

[14:09] Yeah.

[14:09] We will learn later

[14:10] that he is suffering

[14:10] from what they describe

[14:12] as, uh, secondary

[14:14] progressive MS.

[14:16] Mm-hmm.

[14:16] Um, and it seems to be

[14:17] getting worse.

[14:18] Um, but baseball is his

[14:20] life.

[14:20] He loves baseball.

[14:21] All he wants is more

[14:22] baseball.

[14:22] His wife, Eve, played

[14:23] by Carrie Condon, uh, is

[14:26] a-

[14:26] Academy Award nominee.

[14:27] Academy Award nominee

[14:28] is, uh, a, what, a

[14:30] school administrator.

[14:31] And she is excited.

[14:33] One thing she's excited

[14:34] about is the prospect of

[14:36] settling down a little

[14:37] bit because I guess they've

[14:38] traveled a lot for Ray's

[14:39] work.

[14:40] Um, and though she loves

[14:41] him, she, you know, she

[14:43] also, she wants to make

[14:44] sure he understands he's

[14:45] not just baseball.

[14:46] He's also a father.

[14:47] But he's Mr. Baseball.

[14:49] He's Mr. Baseball.

[14:50] Uh, wait a minute.

[14:51] No, that's Tom Selleck,

[14:52] right?

[14:52] That is Tom Selleck, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] And he's not Mr. 3000.

[14:55] That was Bernie Mac.

[14:55] No, that's, yeah.

[14:57] Mm-hmm.

[14:57] Different Mr.

[14:58] And he's not, and he's

[14:59] not, he's not Mr. Clean.

[15:01] That, of course, is a, is a,

[15:02] is a bald, uh, mascot

[15:04] for a cleaning.

Dan McCoy

[15:05] Or Mr. Mister, which is a

[15:07] band.

Stuart Wellington

[15:07] He's not Mr. Wonderful,

[15:09] the famous shark.

[15:10] That Dan is always trying

[15:11] to pitch ideas to in his

[15:12] mirror.

[15:13] Yeah.

[15:13] That's a shark.

[15:15] Yeah.

[15:16] Is that a shark tank thing?

[15:17] Yeah.

[15:17] I don't know anything about

Elliott Kalan

[15:18] He's not one of the Mr. Men,

[15:19] you know, the, the series of

[15:20] children's books where they

[15:21] each of the, they have

[15:22] little characters with

[15:23] different.

[15:23] Oh, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[15:24] Like Little Miss and,

[15:26] yeah.

[15:26] Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[15:27] Yeah.

[15:27] Little Miss.

[15:28] So.

[15:28] Can't be wrong.

[15:29] No.

[15:30] Legally.

[15:31] Yeah, legally.

[15:32] By act of Congress.

[15:33] Yeah, by act of Congress.

Stuart Wellington

[15:34] So, uh, their elder

[15:35] daughter is Izzy.

[15:37] Uh, we know that she,

[15:39] what, likes to swim,

[15:40] or she develops a crush

[15:42] on this kid who's in the

[15:44] JV Christian swim team.

[15:47] Yeah.

[15:47] Uh, which just seems like a

[15:49] lot of, a lot of additional

[15:50] things there.

[15:52] Yes.

[15:52] There's a lot of, uh,

Elliott Kalan

[15:53] adjectives.

[15:53] She's the more athletic of the

[15:54] two siblings.

Stuart Wellington

[15:55] More outgoing, more

[15:56] athletic.

[15:57] More outgoing, yeah.

[15:57] And then they have a younger son

[15:59] who seems like a, like a little

[16:01] nerd, kind of a turd.

[16:02] And what do they name him?

[16:04] Elliot.

[16:05] Yeah, his name is Elliot.

[16:06] Spelled wrong.

[16:08] Spelled wrong.

[16:08] You're in the clear now, I guess.

[16:11] Uh, and you know, he's a little

[16:12] kid.

[16:13] He's like, he worships his dad.

[16:15] He's small for his age.

[16:16] Uh, he just wants to spend time

[16:18] with his dad, but his dad is

[16:19] very focused on initially having

[16:20] MS and then, then recovering.

[16:23] Yeah, there's this vibe that

Dan McCoy

[16:24] they can't relate.

[16:25] Uh, he, he, he can't relate as

[16:27] well to his son because his son

[16:28] isn't athletic.

[16:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] And his son wants to be good at

[16:31] baseball so he can get his dad's

[16:33] love and approval, but he is not,

[16:35] he just doesn't have it.

[16:36] He's just not good at it.

[16:37] It's just like the Kalen

[16:37] household.

[16:38] I mean, it's, that's, I want my

[16:40] son to be so good at baseball

[16:41] because it's all I care about.

[16:42] It's the only thing that I care

[16:43] about.

[16:45] And I mean, it's so the opposite

[16:46] of the Kalen household because

[16:47] my older son, all he cares

[16:48] about is baseball.

[16:49] It's all he wants to do all

[16:50] the time.

[16:51] And I'm like, can we talk

[16:52] about anything else?

[16:53] And he's constantly pushing

Dan McCoy

[16:54] you down, being like, get out

[16:55] of my way, nerd.

[16:56] Yeah, before the, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[16:57] He does get up in my face a

[16:59] lot.

[16:59] And he gets up in my face and

[17:01] starts beatboxing a lot, which

[17:02] I don't love.

Stuart Wellington

[17:03] I do kind of like that.

[17:05] That's like a Conor O'Malley

[17:06] bit.

Elliott Kalan

[17:07] Yeah.

[17:07] But I will say, so this is what,

[17:09] I started watching this movie

[17:10] and I'm like, it made me

[17:12] really miss.

[17:13] It was like, there is a time

[17:14] when Hollywood would make a

[17:15] movie that was about a

[17:17] former professional baseball

[17:18] player dealing with MS.

[17:20] his family is having trouble

[17:22] adjusting to the fact that

[17:23] his life feels empty because

[17:25] the one thing he cared about

[17:26] is not there.

[17:27] He's having trouble relating

[17:28] to his son because his son

[17:29] just does not have the same

[17:30] skill and talent that he has

[17:31] for this one thing.

[17:32] And I, and the, and the

[17:33] wife is kind of trying to

[17:35] figure out how to navigate

[17:36] these emotions.

[17:36] And I was like, I kind of

[17:38] just want to see that movie.

[17:39] Yeah.

[17:39] I just want to see like the

[17:40] ordinary people or whatever

[17:41] about that family.

[17:43] And I, so every moment

[17:45] before the haunted pool, I

[17:47] was like, can I just, can

[17:48] we just, can we just be a

[17:49] movie about like a family

[17:49] and they don't have to

[17:50] have a haunted pool?

Stuart Wellington

[17:51] You want to, you want to

[17:52] watch a night swim based

[17:54] on a novel by John Irving.

Elliott Kalan

[17:56] I mean, kind of, I mean,

[17:57] not quite as quirky, you

[17:59] know, but like, it made me

[18:00] think about like the movie

[18:01] The Great Santini, which

[18:02] I don't love, but like

[18:03] The Great Santini until

[18:05] it starts getting into like

[18:06] movie plot territory.

[18:07] It's like, you just, you're

[18:09] seeing a family and you're

[18:10] seeing how they interact

[18:11] and like there's a, there's

[18:12] an entertainment value and

[18:13] a dramatic value to that.

[18:14] So I was, it just made

[18:15] me sad for, oh yeah,

[18:16] there was a period where

[18:17] Hollywood made a lot of

[18:17] movies that were just

[18:18] about like people, you

[18:20] know, but now they got to

[18:20] have haunted pools.

[18:21] What are you going to do?

[18:22] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[18:22] So they're house shopping.

[18:24] They find this house that

[18:25] has a pool.

[18:25] It's the same house as the

[18:27] opening.

[18:28] Ray, at one point they

[18:30] see the pool.

[18:30] Ray's kind of obsessed with

[18:32] it.

[18:33] And he sees that there's a

[18:34] baseball sitting on the,

[18:36] with the pool cover and he

[18:37] reaches for it.

[18:38] I don't know if you guys

[18:39] understand symbolism.

[18:41] He reaches for it and he

[18:42] slips and falls into the

[18:43] pool.

[18:44] And he has this like

[18:45] series of visions of

[18:47] himself playing baseball.

[18:49] And that before he manages

[18:51] to drag himself out and

[18:52] and they're like, we're

[18:54] buying this pool.

[18:55] So they buy the house, just

[18:57] the pool.

Elliott Kalan

[18:58] You use the pool, you got to

[19:00] buy it now.

[19:01] Yeah.

[19:01] Let's just like that movie,

[19:02] we bought a zoo.

[19:03] It's because he wanders

[19:04] into a zoo.

[19:05] You got to buy it now.

Dan McCoy

[19:06] Yeah.

[19:06] We'll just sleep on the

[19:07] pool.

[19:08] Like, no, the pool comes

[19:09] with the house.

[19:09] You got to buy the house.

[19:10] You have to get the

Elliott Kalan

[19:11] house.

[19:11] We can't just get, get just

[19:13] the pool.

[19:13] What if we buy like the pool

[19:15] and like one of the rooms

[19:15] in the house?

[19:16] No, no, it's a set.

[19:17] You got to buy the whole

[19:18] thing.

Dan McCoy

[19:18] What if we do sort of a pool

[19:19] share with whoever owns the

[19:20] house?

Elliott Kalan

[19:21] Yeah.

[19:21] Where we get the pool and we

[19:22] share it with them sometimes.

[19:24] No, no.

[19:25] Yeah.

[19:25] What if it's like a pool share

[19:26] type thing where if Cher wants

[19:28] to use the pool, we'll let her

[19:29] use it?

[19:30] I mean, that's an outstanding

[19:31] rule.

[19:32] If that's going to happen,

[19:33] then sure.

[19:33] I mean, if Cher wanted to use

[19:34] your pool, I don't know

[19:34] why you would say no.

[19:35] Yeah.

[19:35] If Cher showed up to use your

Stuart Wellington

[19:37] pool, Elliot, would you be

[19:38] like, no, thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[19:41] I'd be like, turn back time

[19:42] to before you asked me that

[19:44] question because the answer

[19:45] is no.

[19:46] Okay.

[19:46] So part of the reason we

[19:47] take this house is that,

Stuart Wellington

[19:50] again, Ray is like, his

[19:52] doctor suggests some low

[19:54] impact exercise like swimming

[19:57] and he's like, hey, I got

[19:58] pool therapy again for maybe

[20:00] two months a year.

[20:02] Again.

[20:02] I don't know about, I don't

Dan McCoy

[20:03] know if it's that short.

Stuart Wellington

[20:04] I don't know if it's that,

[20:04] if it's just two months.

[20:05] What the swimming season in

[20:07] the Twin Cities is?

[20:08] It's at least nine weeks,

[20:09] let's say.

[20:09] So they move in very

[20:10] quickly.

[20:11] We get almost no footage.

[20:12] That's what that movie,

[20:12] Nine and a Half Weeks, was

[20:13] about, right?

[20:13] It was about how long you

[20:14] can use a pool in the Twin

[20:15] Cities.

Dan McCoy

[20:16] Where you legally have to

[20:18] dispose of it.

[20:18] Yeah, that's what I told my

Stuart Wellington

[20:19] parents when I rented it

[20:20] from the video store.

[20:21] I thought it was about

[20:22] pool use in the upper

[20:24] Midwest.

[20:25] Like, rent it for me,

[20:26] mommy.

[20:28] Okay.

[20:29] So they move in very

[20:31] quickly.

[20:32] We see almost no footage

[20:33] of that.

[20:33] their home looks

[20:34] immediately lived in.

[20:35] I don't know that we

[20:36] need to see the move.

Dan McCoy

[20:37] Stuart's like, how do I

[20:38] know that they moved in

[20:40] if I don't see it?

[20:41] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[20:42] And then we are

[20:42] introduced.

[20:43] Dan Backstory McCoy took

[20:44] over Stuart's brain for a

[20:46] moment there.

[20:47] Stuart has, takes some

[20:49] issue with the movie because

[20:50] we are introduced to

[20:52] Cider the cat.

[20:54] And I'm like, as soon as

[20:55] that cat shows up, I'm

[20:55] like, evil pool, there's a

[20:57] cat.

[20:57] They're going to kill this

[20:57] fucking cat.

[20:58] You know that cat's not

[20:59] going to outlast it.

Elliott Kalan

[21:00] Unless they're going to do

[21:01] an alien thing and it's

[21:02] just the cat and one other

[21:03] person that survives.

Dan McCoy

[21:04] That would have been

[21:05] really cool.

[21:06] Unfortunately, I don't

[21:07] think that's the case.

[21:07] If the pool saved the

[21:08] cat, then the pool would

[21:09] be our hero.

[21:10] That's true.

[21:11] Good point.

Elliott Kalan

[21:13] That's what that book

[21:14] Save the Cat is all about.

[21:15] When pools are good and

[21:16] when they're evil.

Dan McCoy

[21:18] When pools are evil on

[21:19] Fox.

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] Okay, so.

[21:23] We talked to Glenn

[21:24] Danzig about his pool.

Stuart Wellington

[21:26] Yeah, pretty sure it's

[21:27] evil.

[21:30] That's just because he

[21:31] hasn't cleaned it in a

[21:31] while.

[21:32] It's filled with Glenn

[21:33] Danzig back hair.

[21:33] He says, can I go out

Elliott Kalan

[21:34] and swim tonight?

[21:35] That's his song.

Stuart Wellington

[21:36] Oh, yeah, that's true.

[21:37] And he keeps swimming

[21:37] with makeup on.

[21:38] That's a bad idea.

[21:39] It bugs the filter.

[21:40] That's pretty bad, yeah.

[21:41] So they're starting to get

[21:42] situated in their various

[21:44] at school and they're

[21:46] starting to make friends,

[21:47] yada yada.

[21:48] They're cleaning out the

[21:49] pool to get it all set up.

[21:51] They are by hand as a

Elliott Kalan

[21:54] family.

[21:54] They have drained the

[21:55] pool and they're scrubbing

[21:56] it by hand.

[21:57] Have you ever done that,

Dan McCoy

[21:58] Elliot?

[21:58] I have not ever done that,

[21:59] no.

[22:00] It seems very silly to me.

Elliott Kalan

[22:02] In the process.

[22:03] Partly also because a pool

[22:04] ladder doesn't go all the

[22:05] way to the bottom of the

[22:06] pool, so I don't know how

[22:07] they're all going to get up

[22:08] out of the pool when it's

[22:09] done.

[22:09] Maybe the shallow area is

[22:10] shallow enough that you can

[22:12] just climb out.

[22:12] Probably skateboard out.

[22:14] Yes.

[22:14] If I understand how these

[22:16] things work.

[22:17] Hire a couple of Z-boys or

[22:18] whatever.

Stuart Wellington

[22:19] Well, yeah, that's what

[22:20] skate or die means is because

[22:21] if you can't skate your way

[22:22] out, you die in the bottom

[22:23] of the pool.

[22:24] Wow, horrible.

[22:25] Okay, so at one point, Ray

[22:27] cuts his hand while fishing

[22:29] through the drain.

[22:30] That's gross.

[22:30] That was dumb.

Elliott Kalan

[22:31] Don't reach into any kind of

[22:32] drain with your beer in.

Stuart Wellington

[22:33] Don't do that.

[22:35] And then they bring a pool

[22:36] guy in who explains that this

[22:38] pool is not connected to the

[22:39] sewage system.

[22:41] It's instead connected to an

[22:43] aquifer under the ground, so

[22:44] it's supernatural, and people

[22:46] believe it has healing

[22:47] properties.

[22:48] I like this pool guy.

[22:49] I like this guy.

[22:50] He had a lot of personality.

Dan McCoy

[22:52] This is a character that for

[22:53] a second, like I looked away

[22:55] from the screen, and for a

[22:56] second, hearing the voice, I

[22:58] thought maybe it was Paul

[22:59] Shearer because it had sort

[23:00] of that vibe of like, we

[23:01] brought in Paul Shearer to do

[23:02] this character, you know?

[23:03] I believe this is-

[23:03] He would have crushed it.

[23:04] He would have crushed it.

[23:05] Yeah, he would have.

Elliott Kalan

[23:06] If this was a sillier movie

[23:07] that would have been Paul

[23:07] Shearer, I believe this is

[23:08] Ben Sinclair from High

[23:09] Maintenance.

[23:10] Oh, right.

[23:11] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[23:12] Yeah, no shade to him.

[23:13] Just-

[23:13] Yeah.

[23:14] Okay, so we get a little

[23:15] scene of the family swimming

[23:16] in the pool, which is

[23:17] important because there's a

[23:18] sequence where they're

[23:19] fishing for quarters.

[23:21] Have you ever played this

[23:22] game, Elliot, where you

[23:23] chuck quarters?

[23:23] Just because we're Jewish,

Elliott Kalan

[23:25] Stuart, doesn't mean that

[23:25] all our games are money and

[23:27] my children are racing after

[23:28] money.

Stuart Wellington

[23:29] That's-

[23:30] Man, you got me fair.

Dan McCoy

[23:31] No, as a Jital, I've

[23:33] definitely done this.

[23:34] I have, yeah, swum to try

[23:36] and find an item that has

[23:38] been chucked to the bottom

[23:38] of the pool.

[23:39] We've certainly done that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:40] We certainly throw like a

[23:41] toy that's meant to go down

[23:42] to the bottom to pick it up,

[23:43] but not money.

[23:44] Because, frankly, it's a

[23:46] waste of money.

[23:46] We need that money, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[23:48] Mm-hmm.

[23:48] Yeah.

[23:49] We're hungry for it.

[23:50] For our gumballs.

[23:51] Okay.

[23:52] Gumballs.

[23:53] They find an old magic

[23:54] camcorder.

[23:56] Every once in a while, we'll

[23:57] have like TVs flicker on and

[23:59] show us like weird flashbacks

[24:01] that may have happened or may

[24:02] not have happened, might be a

[24:03] fantasy.

[24:04] It feels like the magic of the

[24:05] pool extends far beyond the

[24:06] borders of that concrete

[24:08] pond.

[24:10] There's a variety of different pool

[24:12] shenanigans that make us believe

[24:13] that the pool is not all it's

[24:14] cracked up to be.

[24:15] At one point, Eve is swimming at

[24:17] night and she feels like, basically,

[24:19] it messes with her.

[24:20] Like, she feels like somebody's

[24:22] right behind her or like, whenever

[24:23] you go underwater, you see somebody

[24:26] at the edge of the pool.

[24:27] Then when you come up, they're not

[24:28] there.

[24:29] That kind of stuff.

[24:30] Cider goes, the cat Cider goes

[24:32] missing almost immediately.

[24:34] So they find its collar, but that's

[24:37] it.

[24:38] So they get a pool cover, which

[24:39] will kind of matter later.

[24:43] Ray is oddly recovering super

[24:45] well.

[24:46] It's like the pool is the pool from

[24:48] Cocoon.

[24:49] Oh, yeah.

[24:49] Instead of aliens, it's ghosts.

[24:51] It is like the Cocoon pool.

[24:53] So like his hand heals miraculously

[24:55] fast.

[24:56] And then his MS is like regressing

[24:58] considerably.

[24:59] Yeah, he's doing great.

[25:01] He's even like, he set up a little

[25:03] gym in the garage where he's

[25:04] watching either real home movies

[25:06] he's made or fantasy movies.

[25:10] And he's pushing 185.

[25:12] And that's not nothing, man.

[25:14] That's a serious way.

[25:16] I'll let the character know that

[25:18] you approve.

[25:19] Yeah, yeah.

[25:19] If he's repping those out, that's

[25:21] pretty good, bud.

[25:22] Okay.

[25:23] And he lets, at this point, he is

[25:25] so preoccupied with pushing that

[25:27] 185, which I get it, man.

[25:29] You know, gains don't sleep for

[25:30] no one.

[25:31] But he.

[25:32] Gains don't sleep for no one.

[25:34] What?

[25:34] Now it's harsh.

[25:36] So he's.

[25:38] Gains are asleep.

Dan McCoy

[25:39] But they don't do it for no one.

Stuart Wellington

[25:41] No, no.

[25:42] You can't let, like, yeah, you

[25:43] can't let, you gotta, you gotta,

[25:44] you can't let them rest.

[25:45] You gotta, you gotta, you gotta work

[25:47] on them.

[25:47] Uh-huh.

[25:47] Okay.

[25:48] Okay.

[25:48] So he, uh, he's so busy pushing

[25:50] plate that he can't, uh, he can't

[25:52] go swimming with his son who just

[25:53] wants to connect with him.

[25:55] Yeah.

[25:55] And so he's like, uh, just stay in the

[25:57] shallow end, bud.

[25:58] And I'm like, this feels very

[25:59] irresponsible.

[25:59] This is, this is very

[26:00] irresponsible.

[26:01] This is bad.

Elliott Kalan

[26:01] You should always have it, always

[26:03] have an adult at least watching a

[26:04] child in a pool.

[26:05] Uh-huh.

[26:05] Yeah.

[26:05] You know.

Stuart Wellington

[26:06] And so, of course, the ghost starts

[26:08] to, the ghost pool messes with him.

[26:11] It throws quarters in there somehow.

[26:13] It makes him believe that there's

[26:14] somebody at the edge of the pool or

[26:16] on the diving board.

[26:17] Uh, and then he, there's a little

[26:19] ghost girl hiding in the, uh, what

[26:21] the filter.

[26:22] Filter.

[26:23] Um, and it's got, it's got like hair

[26:25] and crap.

[26:25] It's really gross and it scares him.

[26:27] And it also, uh, shares a name.

[26:29] The name is Rebecca.

[26:31] Uh, so of course Elliot is, yeah,

[26:34] Elliot is Rebecca.

[26:35] Mrs. DeWinter.

[26:36] Well, when she said her name was,

[26:38] uh, Rebecca Summers, I'm like, wait,

[26:40] is that, that's not Phoenix's name.

[26:41] No, that's Rachel Summers.

[26:42] No, it's Rachel Summers.

[26:43] Yeah, I know.

[26:43] I messed that one up.

[26:44] Um, so of course Elliot immediately

[26:46] goes running to his mom to cry

[26:48] about the whole thing, getting Ray

[26:50] in trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[26:50] To be fair, to be fair, he's a

[26:52] sensitive lad and he also saw a

[26:53] ghost.

[26:54] Yeah.

[26:55] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[26:56] Um, okay, so.

[26:58] Paddling on that ghost.

[26:59] Yeah.

[27:00] Uh, so Ray at this point.

[27:02] That was always the worst.

Elliott Kalan

[27:03] When I was a kid, I don't think

[27:04] kids get this as much now.

[27:05] When I was a kid and I was being

[27:06] bullied and I would go to a teacher

[27:08] or someone and they'd go, don't be a

[27:09] tattletale.

[27:10] I was like, what the fuck is this?

[27:11] That's insane.

[27:12] No, it, yeah.

[27:13] This is a thing that we all grew up with.

[27:14] Sometimes from adults.

[27:15] Crazy.

Dan McCoy

[27:15] I grew up with a bad attitude that I'm

[27:18] glad is gone, but I, I can only assume.

[27:20] Look, do you want to be a snitch kid?

Stuart Wellington

[27:21] Are you a snitch?

[27:22] Is that it?

[27:22] Are you guys thanking the terrorists

[27:24] for making us, turning us into a

[27:25] see something, say something culture?

[27:27] I, uh, I didn't say that.

Dan McCoy

[27:29] I think I'm thanking child psychiatrists.

[27:33] I think a better understanding of

Elliott Kalan

[27:35] bullying not being like a fun thing.

[27:37] Yeah.

[27:38] Of course.

[27:39] Um, I think we, we know, we now live

[27:41] in a culture that I think no longer

[27:42] heroicizes the bully the way they once

[27:45] did.

Dan McCoy

[27:46] Well, also like you got to believe that

[27:47] was just, that was just teachers being

[27:49] lazy, right?

[27:49] That's like, I don't want to deal with

[27:50] this.

[27:51] I think that was half of it.

Elliott Kalan

[27:51] I think half of it was teachers being

[27:53] lazy and half of it.

[27:54] I mean, I think a third of it was

[27:55] teachers being lazy.

[27:56] A third of it was them looking at me

[27:57] and being like, I would bully you if I

[27:59] could.

[27:59] I don't like you either weakling.

[28:00] And a third of it was, um, this idea

[28:03] of like, come on, it's all in good

[28:04] fun.

[28:04] Toughen up, you know?

[28:06] Yeah.

[28:06] And I feel like the narrative is-

[28:08] You can be walking down a hallway and

[28:09] someone punches you in the, in the side

[28:10] that it stops being fun.

[28:12] So-

Stuart Wellington

[28:12] Well, you said the idea of like society

[28:14] heroicizing the bully.

[28:15] And I think that's not, you're close to

[28:17] it.

[28:17] I think the idea is that, uh, like pop

[28:19] culture has really focused, had really

[28:22] focused in on the idea of the bullied

[28:23] kid turning around and like defeating

[28:25] the bully in some kind of show of

[28:27] strength or wits.

Elliott Kalan

[28:28] In a way that, that, uh, exactly, is

[28:30] on the same wavelength as the original

[28:32] bully challenge.

[28:33] Yes.

[28:33] That like, oh, if you're bullied, you

[28:34] should probably bully back, you

Stuart Wellington

[28:36] know?

[28:36] Yeah, exactly.

[28:37] Yeah.

[28:37] Like, uh, yeah, turn this into your, uh,

[28:40] uh, crucible for which your strength

[28:42] is forged.

[28:42] Yeah.

[28:43] Um, okay.

[28:43] So he complains to his mom and his mom's

[28:46] like, listen to him.

[28:47] She's concerned.

Elliott Kalan

[28:48] It did.

[28:48] You're right.

[28:48] It did work for Conan.

[28:50] When he's strapped to the wheel of

Stuart Wellington

[28:51] pain.

Elliott Kalan

[28:51] I would, I would also say that Conan,

[28:53] let's, let's just taking it at face

[28:55] value.

[28:55] He also lives in hyperbore, hyperbore, a

[28:58] time before time and a history before

[29:00] history, you know, when only the

[29:01] strong survive and the only law is

[29:03] the sword.

[29:04] So we don't live in that world

[29:05] anymore.

[29:06] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[29:07] I mean, I feel like Conan really

[29:09] could have, uh, done with some

[29:10] therapy, you know?

[29:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:12] I mean, everyone can, but

[29:14] especially guys who's been strapped

[29:15] to the wheel of pain for his entire

[29:16] childhood.

[29:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:17] Now, Conan, this thing about, uh,

[29:19] wanting to hear the lamentations of

[29:21] their women, that seems something we

[29:23] should unpack.

[29:24] Uh, it's true.

[29:25] I think he's just telling his

[29:26] audience what they want to hear

[29:27] though, at that point.

Elliott Kalan

[29:27] Yeah, he is.

[29:28] That is true.

[29:29] Okay.

[29:29] So, Ray-

[29:30] He's playing to the crowd and the

[29:31] crowd is warlord.

[29:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:33] So, Elliot has a baseball practice

[29:35] and Ray gets invited because, of

[29:37] course, he's a-

[29:37] I gotta go.

[29:38] Sorry, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[29:38] I didn't mean to double book like

[29:39] this.

Stuart Wellington

[29:40] Don't, don't forget your short

[29:41] pants and long socks.

Elliott Kalan

[29:43] No, you don't wear short pants when

[29:44] you play baseball.

[29:45] You don't wear short pants and long

Stuart Wellington

[29:46] socks?

[29:47] No.

[29:47] I gotta slide into bases.

[29:48] You can't do that in short pants.

[29:49] No, but I mean those pants that,

[29:51] like, they don't go all the way-

[29:52] That go to mid-calf, rather.

[29:52] Yeah, mid-calf.

[29:53] That's what I mean.

[29:53] Okay.

[29:54] They're like tight capris, right?

Elliott Kalan

[29:56] Yeah, but they don't really wear

[29:58] those anymore.

[29:59] They don't?

[29:59] No.

[30:00] They drink capri suns.

[30:01] They do that.

[30:02] I mean, that they do.

[30:03] Yeah, yeah.

[30:03] That they do, young Daniel.

[30:05] That they do.

Stuart Wellington

[30:07] They big league chew.

[30:08] They just chomp it down by the

[30:09] fistful.

Elliott Kalan

[30:10] They're trying to teach kids not

[30:12] to use a starter pack on their

[30:14] way to chewing tobacco.

[30:15] So, I think big league chew is no

[30:16] longer the hit it once was.

[30:19] You know big league chew?

[30:20] If I'm remembering this

[30:21] correctly, one of the creators of

[30:23] it was Todd Phillips.

[30:24] The director?

Dan McCoy

[30:26] Oh, wait.

[30:27] And then he got cut out of it,

[30:28] basically.

[30:29] I don't-

[30:30] Yes, Todd-

[30:31] No, not Todd Phillips.

[30:32] Todd Field.

[30:33] Todd Field, I'm sorry.

[30:34] Todd Field.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] Yes, not Todd Fields.

[30:35] Todd Field.

[30:36] That's what I mean.

Dan McCoy

[30:37] Yes, I do.

[30:38] That is a true thing.

[30:39] Or at least something that I've

[30:40] read.

[30:40] I don't know if it's true.

Elliott Kalan

[30:42] Todd Field, thank you.

[30:43] Of the two Todds, the one who's-

[30:46] The one who is in the bedroom.

[30:48] I like a little more.

[30:49] Yeah.

[30:50] Well, that's wonderful.

[30:52] Although, Taur and Joker are kind

[30:53] of the same movie in a way, right?

[30:54] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[30:55] Yeah.

[30:56] There's that moment when Lydia Taur

[30:58] gets Joker-fied.

[31:00] Okay, so-

[31:02] She's one step away.

Elliott Kalan

[31:03] If there's any other fictional

[31:04] character who's going to be Joker-fied,

[31:06] I imagine it's Lydia Taur.

[31:07] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:07] So, Ray tags along to baseball practice

[31:12] because he's a former famous professional baseball player.

[31:16] And after doing some coaching, they're like,

[31:19] hey, Ray, why don't you give it a shot?

[31:20] He takes a couple swings and you're like,

[31:22] oh man, yeah, this is probably a bad idea.

[31:25] And then he has this vision of the-

[31:26] He channels the power of the pool and he gets

[31:29] super baseball skills and strength.

[31:31] He sees visions of himself being a badass baseball dude

[31:34] and he just dings that thing right into the fucking lights, baby.

[31:38] It's crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[31:40] Yeah.

[31:40] Breaks the lights, tears part of the hide off that ball.

[31:43] Yeah.

[31:43] He's the natural.

[31:45] Okay.

[31:45] I mean, it was a supernatural.

Stuart Wellington

[31:48] Oh man, that's a better joke.

[31:50] Alex, delete what I just said

[31:52] and just make what Elliot said sound kind of like I said it or inspired.

[31:55] Mine doesn't make any sense without yours.

[31:57] Oh yeah, that makes sense too.

[31:58] Okay.

[31:59] So, back home, Ray is kind of obsessed with the pool

[32:03] and he's like staring at the TV of baseball highlights or whatever.

[32:06] He and his wife go out, leaving the kids home alone.

[32:09] Elliot, of course, is custom-

[32:10] Ah, burglars.

[32:11] Yeah, Elliot is customizing action figures.

[32:15] Cool.

[32:15] Which is pretty cool.

[32:17] And then Izzy has her Christian swimming boy over.

[32:21] They play romantic Marco Polo in the pool for a little while

[32:24] and then the ghost does some shenanigans.

Dan McCoy

[32:26] Christian swimming boy sounds like a poorly translated foreign romance novel.

[32:31] Yeah, it does.

Elliott Kalan

[32:33] Yeah, so the ghost is like-

[32:34] And the ghost is like-

[32:35] They were playing Marco Polo, so the ghost is now like Polo,

[32:38] which seems silly to me.

[32:41] We're led to believe later that this is kind of ancient force

[32:44] that's always been around.

[32:45] And the idea that it likes to toy with its victims seems silly to me.

Dan McCoy

[32:49] Well, you know, it's hung around long enough.

[32:52] You know, it's picked up a few things, I guess.

[32:53] So it's boring.

Elliott Kalan

[32:54] Unless this is like a Tom Bombadil type ancient evil force,

[32:56] which is very silly.

Dan McCoy

[32:57] Is this the part where she like sort of swims down

[33:00] and then she's in sort of a void beneath the pool?

[33:03] Yeah.

[33:03] And you can see like just like the one window of light up.

[33:06] I think so.

Elliott Kalan

[33:07] That happens here and it happens later too.

[33:08] Later, yeah.

[33:09] It is neat.

[33:09] It's a cool image.

Stuart Wellington

[33:10] Impossibly deep.

[33:11] It's like she's traveling down into Aurelia where Cthulhu lies.

[33:14] Lies dreaming.

[33:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[33:15] Dead Cthulhu lies dreaming or waits dreaming.

[33:18] Is he waiting or is he just lying or is he waiting?

[33:20] He's waiting.

[33:21] Okay.

[33:22] Or it depends.

[33:23] Because the waiting is the hardest part.

Stuart Wellington

[33:26] Actually, you know what?

Elliott Kalan

[33:27] When you're Cthulhu and the stars aren't right.

[33:30] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:31] Yeah.

[33:31] I think we should just take a boat out there and check.

[33:33] Okay.

[33:34] I don't think this caused any problems.

[33:35] Well, let me call it.

[33:36] Let me.

[33:37] No one's ever had an issue doing that.

[33:39] No.

[33:40] I got this idol that I bought at a store.

[33:43] Yeah.

[33:43] It gives me a headache when I look at it.

[33:45] But I think we should still check.

[33:47] Okay.

[33:48] Sounds legit.

[33:49] Okay.

[33:50] So afterwards, Izzy wants to keep it quiet that the pool attacked her.

[33:56] She and Ellie get in an argument.

[33:59] And at one point, Izzy's like, what makes more sense?

[34:01] That the pool is helping us or that it's haunted?

[34:05] Like, neither of them make sense technically, man.

[34:07] Technically.

[34:08] The pool.

Elliott Kalan

[34:08] It shouldn't be either.

[34:10] She also doesn't want to get into trouble.

[34:11] She doesn't want to get into trouble for having a boy over.

[34:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:13] And she doesn't want to get into trouble.

[34:15] And also that, like, in general, aside from pool attacks, their life seems to be better.

[34:21] They haven't had to move as much.

[34:23] Their father seems to be recovering.

Elliott Kalan

[34:26] They are hostages to his mood in a way that the movie is not – doesn't really get into.

[34:31] But again, it would make a better movie that –

[34:33] Yeah, yeah.

[34:33] When he is feeling –

Stuart Wellington

[34:33] You mean a movie called The Shining?

Elliott Kalan

[34:36] I mean, yeah.

[34:38] In a lot of ways, yeah.

[34:39] But when he is feeling physically strong, the family is doing better because he is feeling confident and powerful.

[34:45] And exactly.

[34:46] So the family seems to be doing better.

[34:47] Why rock the boat just because his pool seems to have a little bit of a haunted problem?

Stuart Wellington

[34:51] Speaking of rocking, it's time for a pool party.

[34:54] You don't make a movie about a haunted pool without a badass pool party.

[34:57] You've got to have a pool party.

[34:58] And everybody shows up.

[34:59] You have a big hairless guy who's really weirdly muscular.

Elliott Kalan

[35:02] I really wondered who that guy was and why they invited him because nobody seems to like him.

[35:06] And the dad doesn't know his name.

[35:10] He just calls him, what, a bald Shrek or something like that?

[35:12] Hairless Shrek.

Stuart Wellington

[35:13] And I'm like, Shrek's already hairless, I think.

[35:15] I haven't checked out.

[35:17] Yeah, you haven't checked in all the way.

Elliott Kalan

[35:18] I like him.

[35:21] But what if the fact is that he's hairless everywhere except downstairs and it's just a thick, tangled thatch and thicket.

[35:28] Terrifying.

[35:29] Around his gnarled ogre penis as crooked as a wizard staff.

[35:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:35] I like this idea, Stuart, that I feel like you're sort of getting into that a pool party has certain required characters.

[35:43] And one of them is a big hairless man.

[35:45] Yeah, I don't know who the others are.

[35:46] Who throws the kids around and always wants to play chicken and stuff.

[35:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[35:49] Yeah, and their realtor shows up with a super boozy cake and talks about her husband's famous G-string.

[35:58] As if that's some kind of threat.

[36:00] Yeah, it's really fun.

[36:03] While the party's going on, Eve is cutting some watermelon and learning the tragic backstory of the house.

[36:10] Of course, any time a character's cutting something in a somewhat horror movie, I'm like, don't cut your finger off, please.

[36:16] That stresses me out too much.

[36:18] But yeah, she learns that like the previous owners had children had gone missing and there were some terrifying things.

[36:25] Meanwhile, in the pool, Ray takes a young baseball prodigy onto his shoulders to play chicken.

[36:31] They go and they get deep into the water.

Elliott Kalan

[36:33] This is the son of Elliot's baseball coach who Ray connects with so easily because they're both into baseball.

[36:40] And you can tell Elliot is left out of this, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[36:43] So they get, you know, they're wrestling.

[36:46] Ray and the kid win.

[36:48] But they end up getting too deep into the pool.

[36:50] And then some like black water goes up Ray's nose.

[36:53] And then he acts possessed and he drags the kid even deeper into the water.

[36:59] And it's almost like he's trying to drown the kid.

[37:02] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[37:03] And after this, I mean, so like the kid is, you know, they get the kid out.

[37:07] Elliot sees this from a distance, like raises the alarm.

[37:10] They get the kid out.

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] Elliot is videotaping the party from what, his room?

[37:14] Which is creepy.

[37:15] He's acting like a little creepy.

[37:16] It's creepy.

[37:17] But he does, it does mean that he saves the kids.

Dan McCoy

[37:19] I don't think he's doing it for creepy reasons, right?

[37:21] No, I don't think so.

[37:21] There's no implication.

[37:21] No, this is, he can only live through a screen like so many of us.

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] Yes, I mean, it's a little bit, the movie briefly turns into the Fablemans, I guess.

[37:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:29] Yeah.

[37:29] But, you know, he saves the kid.

[37:31] And then, you know, his dad is also like almost drowned.

[37:34] They bring him back.

[37:36] And the parents of the kid, like, look, I get that you're going to be mad

[37:40] that this happened.

[37:41] Like, this is terrifying.

[37:42] Your child almost died.

[37:43] But the degree to which they're like, you stay away from our family.

[37:47] I'm like, well, there is an explanation here that this man has a disease

[37:52] that maybe made him clamp onto this kid and he almost drowned too.

[37:55] Like, it felt like such a horror movie thing of like, not just like,

[38:00] I am angry and shaken, but like, stay away from us.

Stuart Wellington

[38:04] I mean, I can understand it to some extent, but it's also like, I think the first part

[38:09] is correct.

[38:10] Like, I feel like people, when presented with something that even in a rational moment,

[38:15] they'd be like, oh, he is suffering from an illness.

[38:18] Yeah.

[38:19] It wasn't his fault.

[38:20] But in the heat of the moment, you're like, stay away from us.

[38:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:23] I've seen parents react that way to things.

[38:26] Like, I think it is a partly heat of the moment thing.

[38:28] Like, their son did almost drown.

Stuart Wellington

[38:30] So they are, you know, the party's over.

[38:33] It was kind of a hit, but, you know, it had a bummer ending.

[38:36] It did not have a great ending.

[38:38] That's true.

[38:38] And so they, and they're like, and though the parents aren't going to press charges.

Elliott Kalan

[38:41] They're like, I made all this jello and everybody left before they ate it.

[38:45] What am I going to do with this?

Dan McCoy

[38:46] On the plus side, there was watermelon.

[38:49] On the minus side, there were two near drownings.

Stuart Wellington

[38:52] So they, they're kind of shunned by the parents and the local community.

[38:57] Eve's first decision is like, we need to get the fuck out of here.

[39:00] There's something wrong with this pool.

[39:02] Ray's like, I don't think so.

[39:03] We shouldn't.

[39:04] I love the pool.

[39:05] But they get in the car and they try and leave, but then Ray starts choking on water.

[39:09] What?

[39:09] What's happening?

[39:10] So they got to stick his ass in bed and Eve starts to do some detective work.

[39:15] She does a little bit of Google work.

Elliott Kalan

[39:17] She does the kind of research that most, and I know they were in a rush to buy this house.

[39:21] The kind of research most people would do before buying a house.

[39:23] Yeah.

[39:23] Is looking up whatever you can online about the past history of it.

[39:26] I certainly did that before I bought my house.

Stuart Wellington

[39:28] Yeah.

[39:29] Was there any terrifying backstory?

[39:32] Sadly, no.

[39:33] Oh.

[39:34] Yeah.

[39:34] Just a regular house.

Elliott Kalan

[39:35] So she's able to.

[39:36] I was kind of hoping it would be like a murder house or maybe like a mysterious, you know,

[39:40] like, oh, you know, a gangster lived here and maybe he buried some gold in the basement

[39:44] and he's going to want it back.

[39:45] But there's not even a basement.

Dan McCoy

[39:47] A TV sucked a child into it in this house.

Elliott Kalan

[39:51] Nothing like that.

Stuart Wellington

[39:51] Didn't have a black dolly or anything?

[39:53] No, nothing.

Elliott Kalan

[39:54] Not a dolly of any color whatsoever.

Stuart Wellington

[39:55] Okay.

[39:56] That's too bad.

[39:57] So the.

[39:58] Purple doll?

[40:00] So her Google work leads her to a very lovely home owned by Lucy, an older woman that we

[40:09] learned was the mother of Rebecca, the little girl we saw in the beginning.

[40:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:12] Former psychiatrist, unlicensed, used to pull a football away from another kid.

Stuart Wellington

[40:17] Mm-hmm.

[40:17] Yeah.

[40:18] Same Lucy.

[40:22] Yeah, I mean, it was after that that she got that drug that let her use 100% of her

[40:27] brain, right?

Elliott Kalan

[40:28] Yes.

[40:29] That's how she ended up in the sky with all the diamonds.

[40:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:31] Okay.

[40:32] So.

Elliott Kalan

[40:34] Is the Lucy from the movie, is she supposed to have gone back in time and met Lucy, the

[40:39] hominin?

[40:40] The hominid, is that part of that movie or no?

[40:42] Because she does meet like a pre-human, like hominin, right?

[40:46] I think so.

[40:46] Yeah.

[40:47] I wonder if that's supposed to be the famous Lucy that was dug up in the 60s.

[40:52] You know?

[40:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:52] You might be right, actually.

[40:55] Man, that's trippy stuff, right?

[40:56] That movie.

[40:57] Think about it.

Elliott Kalan

[40:58] What a ridiculous movie.

[40:59] So much of it is a Samuel, sorry, is Morgan Freeman.

[41:02] Oh.

[41:03] Is Morgan Freeman just lecturing made-up nonsense?

[41:06] Yeah.

[41:06] Where he's like, oh yeah, at 50% of the brains used, you can travel through time.

[41:10] And his audience is like, uh-huh, yes.

[41:11] Uh-huh.

[41:12] It's like, what science is this built on?

Stuart Wellington

[41:14] I mean, this is an audience that has been doped down by like explaining YouTube videos

[41:19] that are like, check out this crazy good spirit.

[41:21] Yeah, it's true.

[41:22] Okay.

[41:23] So she has a conversation with this woman.

[41:26] You learn that her son is a huge success.

[41:30] What is he, a senator or something?

[41:31] He's like a diplomat.

Elliott Kalan

[41:32] Yeah, he's a big deal.

[41:33] He's involved in like, in some kind of international aid work or something.

Stuart Wellington

[41:36] And he had a horrible illness when he was a kid that he miraculously recovered from.

[41:40] This conversation happens inside a dimly lit parlor that has a very noticeable water feature that is also very loud.

[41:50] At one point.

[41:51] It's a weird indoor water feature.

[41:53] Yeah.

[41:53] Lucy's explaining the, she's explaining the kind of the history of the region and the water of the region.

[42:00] And basically explaining the mystery of how this ancient aquifer heals people but requires a sacrifice in return.

[42:07] And she explains this while she's pouring herself a glass of water and spilling water all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[42:12] When she is pouring the water, it is kind of funny.

[42:15] She is so overflowing.

[42:16] Like, it's supposed to be spooky, but it just comes off as like, she's so distracted she's not paying attention to what she's doing.

Dan McCoy

[42:22] This scene definitely puts a lot of weight on the idea that we're just going to find any water scary.

[42:28] And I'm like, is this, I don't know, is this the same water?

[42:31] I'm led to believe that this pool is scary.

[42:33] But why am I led to believe that all water is a symbol of evil?

Elliott Kalan

[42:36] You're supposed to be in the audience being like, there's water.

[42:39] It's so frightening.

[42:40] My own body.

[42:41] 80% of my own body.

[42:42] I can't escape it.

[42:43] You're supposed to be just hacking cells away.

[42:45] Get the water out of me.

Stuart Wellington

[42:46] Yeah, the audience is the aliens from Signs.

[42:51] Spoiler if you haven't seen Signs yet.

[42:53] Okay, so Eve, you know, Eve is concerned.

[42:58] She's like, that's not a real, like, a sacrifice isn't like, in this situation, you're doing something for benefit.

[43:06] You're trading, you traded your daughter's life for your son's life.

[43:09] And then Lucy starts to act weird, and then black stuff starts oozing out of her eyes and mouth.

[43:16] And then she speaks with the voice of the water.

[43:20] And she's like, what?

Elliott Kalan

[43:20] You know what?

[43:21] I thought, you know what?

[43:22] I thought this was, I thought she seemed familiar.

[43:24] Sorry, guys.

[43:24] I'm going to have to break into a little episode of Elliot in the Isles.

[43:28] Lucy is played by Jodi Long, who, among her other roles, she's an Emmy Award winner.

[43:33] I saw her last year in A Little Night Music at the Pasadena Playhouse.

[43:38] Oh.

[43:39] She was playing the older former actress who was kind of reminiscing about her, the lovers that she had.

[43:44] She was really good in it.

[43:45] She was really, really good.

Dan McCoy

[43:46] Did she have black water oozing from her eyes?

[43:49] Don't explain it.

Elliott Kalan

[43:50] No, she didn't.

[43:51] Strangely enough, in this performance of A Little Night Music, the Stephen Sondheim musical about kind of like love and how love kind of runs its course or returns, and the foolish ways that love makes us act, she did not have black water pouring out of her eyes at any point.

Stuart Wellington

[44:07] Yeah, you didn't go see A Little Night Swim music?

[44:10] No.

Dan McCoy

[44:11] I think it would have been a strong choice, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[44:14] Talk to the directors.

[44:15] I mean, I didn't produce this production.

[44:17] I didn't put it up.

[44:18] I just went and saw it as an audience member.

Dan McCoy

[44:18] I thought Elliot was going to say, talk to the hand, because he's lifted his hand up.

Elliott Kalan

[44:23] But it was a great production.

[44:24] Anyone gets a chance to go back in time to the production of A Little Night Music at the Pasadena Playhouse.

Dan McCoy

[44:28] Once I use 50% of my brain, I can do that.

[44:31] It was really good, and she was really good in it.

Stuart Wellington

[44:33] So Eve flees the evil woman possessed by the water.

[44:37] Meanwhile, Ray's at home taking a shower, and guess what?

[44:39] He gets possessed by the water, too.

[44:42] Ah.

[44:43] The pool then lures Elliot out to the pool using the sound of the cat, and he thinks he's helping the cat, and then it is, I'm guessing, a ghost cat or something, and it drags him into the water.

[44:56] And then the magic evil pool starts closing the pool cover to trap Elliot in the water.

[45:03] Eve runs out.

[45:04] Eve and Izzy try and stop the pool cover, and I guess they stop it about halfway.

[45:09] She dives in after her son while Izzy runs inside to go get help.

[45:13] She slips on water.

[45:15] Oh, no.

[45:16] Oh, no.

[45:17] You can't get away from it.

[45:18] Gets a handful of broken glass for her trouble.

[45:20] Meanwhile, her dad starts chasing her around, shining style, saying Marco Polo and shit.

[45:26] And also, he has, like, the water seems to be leaking out of him like he's Hydro Man.

[45:32] Meanwhile, underwater, the pool's impossibly deep.

[45:36] She swims deeper and deeper until she finds her son floating down there.

[45:40] They're beset by ghosts and spirits.

[45:45] They, like, she's dragging her son out, and they find the ghost of Rebecca, who gives them a magical quarter.

[45:53] Okay.

[45:54] And that gives them the idea to swim in which direction to escape.

Elliott Kalan

[45:57] And then the machine from Big so that they can get a wish.

[46:00] Yeah.

[46:01] Zoltar?

[46:02] Zoltar?

[46:02] Yeah, yeah.

[46:03] Something like that.

[46:03] Zoltar or Zoltan?

Stuart Wellington

[46:05] It's Zoltar, but I'm not sure.

Elliott Kalan

[46:07] Oh, like the movie Tar.

[46:09] You got it.

[46:09] What if the movie Tar was about?

[46:11] She turned into that machine or she got a wish from it?

[46:14] What?

[46:14] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:15] Yeah, yeah.

[46:15] Well, if that was her defense for her behavior, she's like, I'm just a little kid who got big.

[46:20] I didn't know better.

[46:24] My moral sense isn't developed.

[46:26] Yeah.

[46:27] Okay.

[46:28] So, Izzy, so they, like, they get out of the water, and then Ray shows up, and then Izzy starts hitting him with a bat.

[46:37] So she beats him with a bat because he's being a brat.

[46:41] Yeah, that's what you do.

[46:42] And he starts having, like, visions of, like, the good times they had, and then the water starts pouring out of him, and he's back to normal.

[46:51] But Elliot is still not recovering.

[46:56] The pool won't let him go.

[46:58] So Ray knows what he has to do.

[47:00] He goes swimming into the water, and, yep, he sacrifices himself, and his son recovers.

[47:09] Yep, it's really great.

[47:11] That's it.

[47:12] That's the end of the movie.

[47:13] Well, no, no, no.

[47:13] And there's one last little bit at the end.

Dan McCoy

[47:15] Yeah, at the end, they're, like, they talk about how, like, they could move, and the daughter's, like, but then it'll just happen to another family.

[47:24] Dad wouldn't want that.

[47:25] And this is while the pool is being filled in, which is, like, what I was saying, like, just fill in the pool.

[47:30] Like, I don't know why they can't fill in the pool and then move.

Elliott Kalan

[47:33] No, that's true.

[47:34] But also, what I like is they're watching the pool being filled in.

[47:37] They are feet away from the pool as this bulldozer is about to dump a bunch of stuff into it.

[47:43] It's just, like, there's no way of letting them stand that close to this construction site.

[47:45] Like, you got to step back a little bit.

[47:47] But, yes, they are filling in the pool, and they will be the guardians, I guess, for eternity, passed down from generation to generation of this evil, demonic freshwater spring.

Dan McCoy

[47:57] To invoke Poltergeist again, it's like when Craig T. Nelson pushes the TV out of the hotel room at the end.

[48:03] This is, you know, they're filling in the pool.

Stuart Wellington

[48:06] Yeah, similar level of joke.

Dan McCoy

[48:11] Okay, well, the Shocktober category.

[48:15] Yeah, what are they?

[48:15] I can't remember.

[48:16] I always forget.

[48:17] Yeah.

[48:17] Was this totally scarifying?

[48:20] Was it totally snorifying?

[48:23] Or was it frighteningly funny?

[48:27] And, of course, totally scarifying is the equivalent to kind of liked it.

[48:34] Here's the thing.

[48:36] I didn't like this movie, but if there was a category that's like, yeah, I don't know, I don't mind this, we kind of fall in there.

Elliott Kalan

[48:43] Even with our special October categories, we still have the same problem we always have, which is the categories don't adequately explain human art.

Dan McCoy

[48:51] Yeah, they don't encompass all of existence.

[48:54] If you're going to pin me down, I'd go mild snorifying.

[48:57] But the thing is, like, actually, there's some stuff in this movie I liked okay.

[49:01] Like, I think, you know, Carrie Condon and Wyatt Russell, both actors I like.

[49:05] I think they do a good job in the movie.

[49:07] I think the movie actually looks pretty stylish during a lot of it.

[49:12] Yeah, it's a good-looking movie, yeah.

[49:13] It's just too thin an idea to sustain a whole film, even at a relatively short length.

Elliott Kalan

[49:19] It feels like the fun of a movie about a haunted pool, the fun would be the different ways you force characters to have to be in the pool or go to the pool.

[49:29] And instead, the characters just kind of keep going swimming.

[49:32] Like, there's no, it's not, there's no, the fun of, like, why these characters have to be dragged to a pool.

Stuart Wellington

[49:37] It feels like there's such a commitment to the, like, the real story of it.

[49:43] Like, the family drama element of it.

[49:46] And as you said, like, that's in many ways more interesting than the kind of mishmash of kind of overdone haunted stuff ideas.

[49:57] But it also makes it less of an effective horror movie because I'm like, well, I want it to be fun and scary.

[50:03] I don't want to.

Dan McCoy

[50:04] Yeah, if it was more drama, it would be better.

[50:06] If it was a sillier horror movie, it would be better, probably.

[50:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[50:09] Yeah, it's trying to be both.

[50:11] And it succeeds not at all.

[50:13] I would say it's snorifying.

Elliott Kalan

[50:14] I would also call it snorifying.

[50:16] Again, I would, if they, I'd rather see, like I said, I'd rather see this movie without the pool and just have it be a family movie.

[50:21] But as it is, I agree.

[50:22] It falls between two stools.

[50:24] You could still call it night swims.

[50:26] Yeah.

[50:26] I mean, it could still be about, like, they have a pool.

[50:29] Like, you could still have a pool in the movie.

[50:31] It still could be called Night Swim.

[50:32] But it's a, yeah, it's kind of not silly enough to be a pool horror movie and it's not deep enough.

[50:38] It's not shallow enough to be a good horror movie and it's not deep enough to be a good drama.

[50:42] But they're trying.

[50:43] You know what?

[50:44] Give them credit for trying, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[50:47] Shria, everybody had fun.

Dan McCoy

[50:52] Participation trophy for Night Swim.

[50:54] Yeah.

[50:55] Hey, all episodes of The Flophouse are supported largely by listeners like you.

[51:00] But also, we have a few businesses that support us.

[51:05] And this week, we are sponsored in part by Squarespace.

[51:10] It's a service that lets you build a beautiful website for entrepreneurs to stand out, for you to succeed online.

[51:19] If you've got a brand already or you're just starting out, it'll make it easy for you to make a beautiful website, engage with your audience, and sell anything you like from products to content to time in your terms.

[51:30] You can start a completely personalized website with their Squarespace Blueprint.

[51:36] That's their guided design system where you can choose from professionally curated styling options and make your online presence from the ground up that's tailored to your specific business and optimized for all devices.

[51:50] You can make checkout seamless for your customers with their payment tools.

[51:55] You can accept credit cards, PayPal, Apple Pay, and in eligible countries, the option is available for customers to buy now and pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay.

[52:08] You can sell your products and services with an online store with Squarespace.

[52:13] Whether you sell physical goods, services, digital content, it has the tools you need to start selling online.

[52:20] So go to squarespace.com for a free trial.

[52:24] And when you are ready to launch, go to squarespace.com slash flop to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.

[52:36] That's Squarespace, guys.

[52:38] I told you about it.

[52:39] You nailed it.

Elliott Kalan

[52:40] You did.

[52:40] You did tell us about it.

[52:41] You told us you were going to tell us about it.

[52:43] You told us about it.

[52:44] And then you told us you told us about it.

[52:45] It's true.

[52:46] Good job.

[52:46] And now I'm going to tell the listeners about something.

[52:48] Hey, everybody, it's not just October.

[52:50] It's not just spooky season.

[52:52] It's Flop TV season.

[52:54] Flop TV season two, the one-hour televised online version of the Flophouse where we broadcast live the first Saturday of every month.

[53:05] And then that episode is available to watch at your leisure afterwards.

[53:08] It's going on right now.

[53:09] Each episode is packed with entertainment.

[53:11] There's a new presentation by one of us, a video segment from one of us.

[53:14] We take questions from the viewers, and we give the Flophouse treatment to a movie we've never covered on the podcast before.

[53:20] And this season, Dan, what's it all about?

[53:23] Sequels.

[53:24] Number twos.

[53:25] We're talking about movies that are real number twos.

[53:28] Sequels, that is.

[53:29] We already had our Robocop 2 episode.

[53:31] This episode will be coming out after we do our Break in 2 episode.

[53:35] That's the electric boogaloo, of course.

[53:37] And our next episode coming up will be on—

[53:39] Yes, famously.

[53:40] Our next episode will be on Saturday, November 2nd at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[53:45] We'll be talking Caddyshack 2.

[53:47] It's all number two movies.

[53:49] And then later on in the season, we'll be doing Ski School 2, Highlander 2, Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze, lots of twos.

[53:55] We love the number two.

Dan McCoy

[53:56] Stuart's eyes lit up as soon as Ski School 2 was mentioned.

Stuart Wellington

[54:00] Like, oh, finally some good shit.

Dan McCoy

[54:02] Something for Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[54:03] Yeah, something for me.

[54:05] And for the audience, so just go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com, and you can buy individual tickets for each show or a season pass, which has a discounted rate.

[54:15] It's like getting one free show if you buy the season pass.

[54:18] If you miss the first couple episodes of the season, don't worry.

[54:21] The season pass, it lets you watch the video of those, and they'll be up online through the end of February, through the end of this series.

[54:28] So we started in September, and we're going to go through February, one episode a month, six episodes in total, the first Saturday of every month at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific.

[54:39] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[54:42] And I've been having a lot of fun with Flop TV this season.

[54:44] I think, like, we have taken – the first season was fun, and now we're really pushing it even more.

[54:49] We're doing more video.

[54:50] We're having more fun.

[54:52] We're joking more, laughing more, living more, loving more, learning more.

[54:56] Twice of everything.

Stuart Wellington

[54:57] My doctor just told me I'm not allowed to love anymore.

[55:01] At all?

[55:02] I'm already loving too much, guys.

[55:04] Okay.

[55:05] Your heart's too big.

[55:06] My heart is too big.

[55:07] Also, I'd like to make a little plug here, guys.

[55:09] Sure.

[55:09] It's my time to shine.

[55:10] Okay.

[55:12] My wife, Charlene, is opening a studio gym in Sunset Park, Brooklyn.

[55:18] It's called Jiggle Studio.

[55:20] It is a body-positive studio gym that is focused on moving the body you have.

[55:27] The Kickstarter just went up because we are hoping to get some help opening this cool little space.

[55:33] You can find us on Instagram at jiggle underscore studio BK.

[55:39] You can find us on Kickstarter.

[55:41] We're already doing really well, but every little bit helps to help us get over that finish line.

[55:47] There's some cool rewards, including shirts, water bottles, et cetera.

[55:51] And there's some cool art done by some local artists and friends of the show.

[55:57] And every little bit helps, so you can go check that out.

[56:00] She's worked very hard on this, and I'm very proud of her.

[56:04] So please check that out.

Dan McCoy

[56:07] Hey, and while we're talking about stuff, I want to say, if you haven't, subscribe to the Flophouse newsletter, Flop Secrets.

[56:15] If you go to flophousepodcast.com, there's a field where you can put your email in there.

[56:22] And it lets you know about what we're all up to, but also there's some extra stuff in there.

[56:27] It occurred to me that, you know, I should let people know the kind of thing that you can get in that newsletter.

[56:34] Early in Small Timber, for instance, I listed some smaller good-bad movies, some recommendations if you wanted to have your own at-home Small Timber fun.

[56:45] I've done a couple of last-chance mailbags where, you know, we can't get to all the letters on the podcast itself.

[56:52] So you can answer some of them there.

[56:53] Lord knows we try, you know.

[56:55] You know, just some silly comedy stuff is in there.

[56:59] So, you know, why not?

[57:01] If you're interested, why not?

Stuart Wellington

[57:03] That's my slogan.

[57:04] It's a cool way to make sure you don't miss any of the various things that we are doing.

[57:07] Yes, and it's literally free.

[57:09] It's free.

[57:09] It's true.

S4

[57:15] Hey there, it's KT at MaxFun.

[57:18] Have you listened to the Flophouse's bonus content?

[57:21] They've done commentary tracks for all kinds of movies.

[57:24] They got the country bears, brats, and yes, even cats.

[57:28] It's like watching a movie right alongside Dan Stewart and Elliot.

[57:32] You can go listen to those right now if you're already a Maximum Fun member.

[57:36] But if you're not, any time of year is a good time to support the show by joining MaxFun, starting at just five bucks a month.

[57:43] And when you do, you get to feel good because you're supporting the show, and you also get access to the bonus content for every other MaxFun show, too.

[57:51] So go on over to MaximumFun.org slash join.

[57:54] Thank you so much for your support.

Stuart Wellington

[57:58] Let's move on to letters from listeners.

[58:01] This first letter.

[58:02] Open up that spooky Halloween mailbag.

[58:07] Are those letters or are those, is that the hair of the dead witch?

[58:14] These are her eyeballs.

Elliott Kalan

[58:16] These are her letters.

[58:18] These are her peeled grapes.

[58:20] Oh, no.

[58:21] That she keeps.

Stuart Wellington

[58:23] We've just received this from the ghost office.

[58:26] Oh.

[58:27] I mean, honestly, that's pretty fucked up.

[58:29] That she would just be like, have a bunch of spaghetti, like cooked spaghetti and like peeled grapes.

[58:33] Yeah, what kind of meal is that?

[58:34] That's crazy.

[58:36] This is from.

Elliott Kalan

[58:37] I guess the opposite of the Atkins diet, right?

[58:39] Yeah.

[58:40] A lot of carbs, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[58:41] Yeah.

[58:41] This is from Ben, last name withheld.

[58:43] Who writes?

[58:44] Ben 10.

[58:45] Hi, peaches.

[58:47] My wife and I love each other immensely, and we have a lot of the same tastes and things.

[58:52] Food.

[58:52] Sounds like it's working out.

[58:53] Yep.

[58:54] Well, no problem here.

[58:55] We can move on.

[58:57] Taste and things.

[58:57] Food, humor, vacations, books, et cetera.

[59:00] All golden, but not in a creepy way.

[59:01] The only major sticking point.

Elliott Kalan

[59:02] I'm sure et cetera encompasses a startling range of sexual peccadillos as well.

[59:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[59:09] The only major sticking point we have is film choices.

[59:12] She's got more of an arthouse taste, and I have a more flophouse palette.

[59:18] She loves your podcast, by the way.

[59:19] We can sometimes meet on certain grounds, like A24 films, Edgar Wright, Wes Anderson, Sorry,

[59:25] Not Sorry, and such.

[59:28] However, a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[59:29] I think that was directed at Stewart, since listeners should know.

[59:32] I think Wes Anderson is a film artiste of the high story.

[59:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[59:35] Yeah.

[59:36] There's only one third of the podcast that's directed it.

[59:39] However, a lot of the time.

[59:41] He's not listening, guys.

[59:44] Be our friend.

[59:45] However, a lot of the time, we end up sitting on the couch, lobbing titles at one another,

[59:49] then eventually settling on Taskmaster, which is great, but we're running out of episodes.

[59:55] Any advice?

[59:57] Thank you in God's speed.

[59:58] Ben, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:01] I mean, it seems like the first thing is you could alternate.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:04] Yeah.

[1:00:05] That's the first thing, yeah.

[1:00:07] Honestly, that was also where I was, like, I feel like I have this problem, too, with Audrey,

[1:00:12] where it's not like we don't like the thing that the other person wants to watch.

[1:00:16] Most of the time, we do, but we also want to be in control.

[1:00:19] We want to be the one saying, like, this is the thing that I'm interested in tonight,

[1:00:22] and the best thing we've found to do is to just alternate choices.

[1:00:26] Yeah.

[1:00:26] Oh, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:27] And if you want any, I'm sure that they also want, like, some…

[1:00:31] Middle ground?

[1:00:34] Movie suggestions, you know?

[1:00:36] I mean, like, the first thing that comes off the top of my head is Sorry to Bother You

[1:00:40] is a movie that I feel like is somewhat of an artsy movie, but it's also somewhat of a bonkers movie.

[1:00:46] So maybe…

[1:00:46] And I think it's a great movie.

[1:00:48] I think it's really great.

[1:00:48] So that could be one that does something, you know?

[1:00:52] But there are plenty of artsy movies that are also on the stranger end of things, you know?

[1:00:57] Possession, that's another one.

[1:00:59] House.

[1:01:00] House-oo.

[1:01:00] House-oo, that's another, you know?

[1:01:03] Yeah.

[1:01:03] And House.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:04] Yeah, and the American House.

[1:01:07] It's very artsy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:08] Yes.

[1:01:09] I think maybe, like…

[1:01:10] George Wentz in it, dude.

[1:01:12] Like, take a stroll to you through that psychotronic video guide.

[1:01:16] Maybe make kind of a love game out of it, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:18] I mean, I would say we have recommended a lot of movies on this podcast, and you can do…

[1:01:26] I'm sure we've recommended some artsy ones.

[1:01:28] We've recommended…

[1:01:29] Some fartsy ones?

[1:01:30] Oh, you beat me to it.

[1:01:32] Oh.

[1:01:33] So, yeah.

[1:01:34] I would…

[1:01:35] Yeah, you know…

Dan McCoy

[1:01:36] I thought you were saying, like, just, like, alternate back and forth between Elliot and

[1:01:39] Stuart picks, and then…

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:40] Uh-huh, and occasionally meet in the middle with a Dan pick.

[1:01:42] Yeah.

[1:01:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:45] I'm not allowed to send Dan picks anymore.

[1:01:47] Uh-huh, yeah.

[1:01:48] I mean, you never should have.

[1:01:49] You should have known not to do that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:50] You should have too many megabytes of data.

[1:01:54] Yeah.

[1:01:55] The family plan's fucked up because of Dan, so you can't send him.

[1:01:59] He's way more than his fair share.

[1:02:00] Yeah, the Flop House family plan.

[1:02:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:02] Like, dude, you used up all our data.

[1:02:05] This is from Andrew, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:07] You even used up all my data action figures from my STTNG collection.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:16] Andrew, last name withheld, writes, hey, guys!

[1:02:19] Did he say it that loudly?

[1:02:20] Well, he did have an exclamation point.

[1:02:22] I get it, so…

[1:02:23] Oh, okay.

[1:02:23] Fair, fair.

[1:02:24] Your Roadhouse episode…

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:25] Hey, real quick, guys.

[1:02:26] What?

[1:02:26] Do you use…

[1:02:27] When you guys communicate with people digitally, do you use a lot of exclamation points?

[1:02:31] I use more than usual.

[1:02:32] Yeah, do I use too many?

[1:02:33] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:34] I feel like there's such a presumption of passive-aggressive anger in digital communication,

[1:02:39] you need to use exclamation points more than you actually mean to.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:41] Yeah, real talk.

[1:02:42] Like, do I use too many emojis, guys?

[1:02:44] Yes, but that's a different thing.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:46] No, I don't think so.

[1:02:46] You used to use a lot…

[1:02:47] I feel like you guys both used to use too many GIFs and stickers and things, and I would

[1:02:52] have to go in and delete them.

[1:02:54] Because it was taking up too much space on my phone.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:56] Okay.

[1:02:58] You need to upgrade your phone, I think is the problem.

[1:03:00] Or I can delete all these GIFs that I don't need.

[1:03:02] I guess so.

[1:03:03] It's like, my palm trio isn't running as fast as it should.

[1:03:07] All my beautiful GIFs are being thrown in the garbage.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:11] It's hard to get those GIFs these days.

[1:03:13] Have you…

[1:03:14] This is the dumbest thing.

[1:03:16] But I was like, when I was trying to make a PowerPoint, I was trying to find GIFs, and

[1:03:20] I feel like there's a couple of websites that have locked them down, so you can't just easily

[1:03:25] save those things.

[1:03:27] Yeah.

[1:03:27] Interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:28] I mean, the internet, it's harder to find things in general than it used to be.

[1:03:31] Yeah.

[1:03:32] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:32] It's almost like tech companies are bad and don't have the user's interests in mind.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:36] It's almost like that, but I know that's not the case.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:39] They love us.

[1:03:40] Man-shitification.

[1:03:41] Hey, guys.

[1:03:42] Your Roadhouse episode reminded me of something I've been thinking about.

[1:03:46] Roadhouse.

[1:03:46] Opening a Roadhouse?

[1:03:47] Yeah.

[1:03:49] Advice?

[1:03:51] Why do you think…

[1:03:52] Yeah.

[1:03:53] Like, where could I get a fencing person who can fence in my band?

[1:03:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:58] I mean, any person who builds fences can probably do that for you.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:01] I've seen chain-link fences for outside the building, but where do you find those ones

[1:04:05] that go inside the building?

Dan McCoy

[1:04:07] Good fences make good bands, as Robert Frost said.

[1:04:11] Why do you think they used to make so many TV shows about a hero who goes from town to

[1:04:16] town, meeting new people, and solving their problems before driving off into the sunset?

[1:04:21] And crucially, why do they mostly stop making these?

[1:04:25] The example I know best is The A-Team.

[1:04:27] The craziest example I can think of is the Canadian show The Littlest Hobo.

[1:04:31] Yeah, The Littlest Hobo.

[1:04:32] It was a kid, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:33] The hero is a dog.

[1:04:35] Oh, a dog.

[1:04:35] Sorry, not a kid.

[1:04:35] A dog, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:36] I think a lot of cowboy shows were like this, and now I can only think of Jack Reacher.

[1:04:42] Were we more trusting of armed strangers in the past?

[1:04:45] Did we want to become armed travelers?

[1:04:47] Or did writers used to enjoy writing these stories, and then they got tired of it?

[1:04:51] Thanks a bunch.

[1:04:52] Andrew, last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[1:04:53] I mean, I feel like there's a couple, like, for shows that are currently still like that.

[1:04:58] I mean, Poker Face, the Natasha Lyonne, Rian Johnson show is exactly that.

[1:05:04] Roaming Columbo.

[1:05:05] And also there's that show, Tracker.

[1:05:08] Roaming Columbo's High School Reunion?

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:10] Yeah.

[1:05:10] Yeah, Tracker is like that.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:12] Tracker is exactly that.

[1:05:13] And the thing is, his name isn't even fucking Tracker.

[1:05:16] It's something else that's, like, super cool, though.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:18] He does have a ridiculous name, but his name should be, like, Zack Tracker.

[1:05:21] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05:23] Zack Tracker will get your man, Backer.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05:25] Yeah.

[1:05:25] There's two reasons.

[1:05:26] There's two reasons why they used to make these shows, and they don't make any more.

[1:05:30] One is episodic versus serialization.

[1:05:33] TV shows used to always be episodic because under the understanding is once they air the

[1:05:39] first time, they will never air in that order ever again.

[1:05:42] If they go into syndication, they will air in random order.

[1:05:45] You don't want a viewer to feel like they had to see all the episodes leading up to this

[1:05:48] one in order to start watching because you may be in the third season of a show and you

[1:05:52] want new viewers to try it.

[1:05:54] Yeah.

[1:05:54] Shows back then were serialized—sorry, were episodic, not serialized.

[1:05:58] And a way that you could do that more easily is if it's almost an anthology of stories

[1:06:02] where the same main character interacts with new people each time.

[1:06:06] You don't have it going over from one episode to the next.

[1:06:09] You don't have to worry about it.

[1:06:10] They're easier to make that way, easier to distribute that way.

[1:06:13] It's just the way that people watched television back then is different than the way they watched

[1:06:16] it.

[1:06:16] Back then, you might miss an episode.

[1:06:20] You may never see it.

[1:06:21] So you can't have big story points that are necessary for a bunch of episodes.

[1:06:25] The other is economically, it used to be a lot cheaper to make shows like that.

[1:06:29] You could pay the actors less because they were cycling through in and out.

[1:06:32] There were a lot more kind of standing sets you could just rent.

[1:06:36] There were a lot more locations you could just go to to shoot things cheaply.

[1:06:39] And now a lot of that stuff is just much more expensive.

[1:06:42] It's cheaper now to have a few places that you shoot and not be kind of just going out

[1:06:48] to some valley somewhere and shooting a bunch of stuff and then coming back.

[1:06:53] And it's just the different economics in the way that industry works.

[1:06:57] So those are two very valid, very real reasons.

[1:07:00] But the main one is I think that unfortunately, except for network television, everyone decided

[1:07:05] that they liked serialized storytelling the best.

[1:07:07] And I would argue that this was a bad move for television.

[1:07:11] It was at first when things moved to serialization, it seemed like it was having an enrichening effect on television.

[1:07:17] It was making it more sophisticated.

[1:07:18] You could tell deeper stories.

[1:07:19] But I kind of feel like it's time for us to swerve back in the other direction because when I watch it,

[1:07:24] when I try a new TV show, I don't want to always have to start with the first episode

[1:07:28] and I don't want to always have to jump into the middle of the series.

[1:07:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07:31] And have to pick up what the story is.

[1:07:33] Whereas if you wanted to watch a new episode of The Six Million Dollar Man, Columbo, Incredible Hulk, A-Team, any of those,

[1:07:40] you could literally just be like, okay, I'll watch the episode that is on tonight and I'll see if I like it.

Dan McCoy

[1:07:44] Well, there should definitely be more of a healthy mix.

[1:07:47] Like everything, in moderation.

[1:07:49] Let's have the serialized stuff.

[1:07:51] Let's have the ones you can just dip in and out.

[1:07:53] Those are also a delight.

[1:07:57] I think you answered this much better than I could.

[1:07:59] Hey, no problem, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:00] I would also, this is just my personal bailiwick right now,

[1:08:03] but I would argue that serialization has hurt comedy shows especially

[1:08:07] because it is hard for characters to remain funny if they are accumulating the trauma of previous episodes over multiple seasons.

[1:08:15] And it's like Barry in the beginning could be like a dark comedy

[1:08:19] and then at a certain point it was just like it just became a dark show with minimal comedy

[1:08:24] because at that point the characters had been through so much horror.

Stuart Wellington

[1:08:27] That is a tough example because I feel like that show is exactly what the creators wanted it to be.

Elliott Kalan

[1:08:34] Maybe.

[1:08:35] Maybe it is.

[1:08:36] Then I'll try to think of some other ones.

[1:08:37] But I feel like there is a, I feel like serialization fights the kind of like, the kind of fun of comedy.

Dan McCoy

[1:08:44] Well, I do think that there's something to be said in comedy for, like, you know,

[1:08:50] on the one hand you want to get to know these characters.

[1:08:52] Like comedies are always going to be funnier once you know the characters.

[1:08:55] It's why, you know, like the first season of sitcoms is rarely the best season of a sitcom.

[1:09:01] But on the other hand, there is something where you want a reset.

[1:09:05] You kind of want it to be like a newspaper comic strip where it's like no one ages, no one changes.

[1:09:10] No one learns from their mistakes.

[1:09:12] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09:13] Well, it's one of the, setting aside all the racism in it,

[1:09:16] Seinfeld is such a funny show to me partly because the characters accumulate cast members.

[1:09:21] Like they remember things that happened before, but they're not emotionally affected by it.

[1:09:25] So it is not a, it's not a matter of like, oh, I'm still carrying all the feelings that I had from when this thing happened.

[1:09:31] You know, because that, that, that fights comedy for me.

[1:09:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:09:36] Let's move on to recommendations.

[1:09:37] I'm going to put Stuart up first because I think I know where he's going to go here.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09:42] You know, I, uh, I just sent away from my kit and I injected the activator into my veins, baby.

[1:09:49] I've been substance pilled.

[1:09:51] Uh, man, I fucking loved the substance.

[1:09:56] Um, I, if you haven't heard about it, it is a, like a body horror, gonzo feminist, uh, movie, uh, starring Demi Moore and Margaret Qualley.

[1:10:07] Uh, yeah, it's great.

[1:10:08] It's like super intense, super in your face directed by, uh, Coraline Farragut.

[1:10:12] Is that her name?

[1:10:13] Uh, who directed that movie revenge, which is also very good.

[1:10:17] Um, and it's, uh, yeah, it's like, to me, I've heard it compared to a David Cronenberg movie.

[1:10:22] And I feel like that's a little bit false.

[1:10:24] I feel like the closest thing it, it makes me think of is like a, like a very stylish, very focused, uh, Brian Usna movie.

[1:10:33] Um, and it is a little bit long, but I feel like I'll, I'll cut it some slack.

[1:10:37] Cause I think, uh, I think everything along that movie makes sense.

[1:10:42] Every step makes sense.

[1:10:43] And it goes, it gets wilder and crazier and it's really fun.

[1:10:47] I, I loved it.

[1:10:48] It's super intense and fun.

[1:10:49] And yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:10:50] To me, it like reminded me of like the biggest, most stylish Tales from the Crypt episode.

[1:10:55] Because it has like such a very like focused sort of morality tale.

[1:10:58] Yeah.

[1:10:59] Like, uh, plot line, uh, and, and the same sort of, sort of cruel gonzo comedy too.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11:05] Um.

[1:11:06] Yeah.

[1:11:06] And I mean, to me more give such like the physicality of her performance is so incredible.

[1:11:11] Like she is all in on this and it's really, really great.

[1:11:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:11:16] Uh, well also part of the reason I wanted to set Stuart up first is, uh, that my movie recommendation

[1:11:23] is, in a weird way, on sort of similar themes.

[1:11:27] I recently saw A Different Man, which is also kind of about, uh, a person going through

[1:11:34] a dramatic physical transformation and the emotional.

[1:11:37] I can't believe I walked into this.

[1:11:39] Yeah.

[1:11:40] It was a trap.

[1:11:41] He used to.

[1:11:41] Oh man, wait, I'm the butcher and I'm trapped in.

[1:11:45] Um, and, uh, you know, the substance is sort of a wild, uh, gross horror movie.

[1:11:51] A Different Man is sort of more a emotionally painful, wry comedy.

[1:11:58] Like, it's, it starts out sort of like grounded in semi-realism, even though absurd things happen.

[1:12:08] And then the twist that it takes, uh, as this character has a new face and changes, uh, and

[1:12:19] then finds himself in situations where, like, uh, it's hard to, I don't want to get into

[1:12:26] it without, while spoiling, because I think that part of the pleasure is seeing it, uh,

[1:12:30] unfold.

[1:12:30] But he finds himself in these situations that he can't be totally honest about who he is.

[1:12:36] And because he's gone through these physical changes, he emotionally doesn't really know

[1:12:40] who he is.

[1:12:42] And the way it compiles and compounds upon itself just has a lot of just sort of, uh,

[1:12:48] knife twisting, uh, like awkward humor to it.

[1:12:52] Uh, and so I also enjoyed that a lot.

[1:12:56] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12:56] My recommendation is a fun movie.

[1:12:58] It's not one that I think is super amazing, but it's certainly, uh, an entertaining way to

[1:13:04] spend it.

[1:13:04] Spend your time.

[1:13:05] And there's one thing in particular I really liked about it.

[1:13:08] And that's the movie, The Verdict from 1946.

[1:13:10] Not The Verdict with Paul Newman, which is a great movie.

[1:13:13] This is The Verdict.

[1:13:14] This is the first movie that Don Siegel directed as a feature length film.

[1:13:17] So the movie stars Sidney Greenstreet as a Scotland Yard superintendent who has accidentally

[1:13:22] sent the wrong man to the gallows and now is living with the shame of that.

[1:13:26] And his best friend who, uh, is Peter Lorre, who is kind of like a suave creep.

[1:13:32] And I really love Peter Lorre's performance in this movie.

[1:13:35] He comes off as such a, like, such a decadent.

[1:13:37] Oh, do you think that guy can be a creep?

[1:13:39] You think, uh, you think Peter Lorre can be a believable creep?

[1:13:42] But he's, he doesn't come off as like a, a creep who's like, uh, who's like creepy.

[1:13:47] Instead, he's just kind of like a guy who's always on the make.

[1:13:50] You know, he's always looking for girls in a good time.

[1:13:51] Uh, and Sidney Greenstreet, uh, now is, there's a, there's a, a friend of his, uh, is accused

[1:13:57] of a murder and he has to try to get him off the charges.

[1:14:02] And the replacement superintendent of Scotland Yard, George Caloris from Citizen Kane and,

[1:14:07] uh, the prisoner is, uh, is determined to prove that he knows what he's doing and Sidney

[1:14:13] Greenstreet is wrong.

[1:14:14] And just a fun little kind of like murderous mystery movie with a twist at the end.

[1:14:18] And, but I really love Peter Lorre's performance in it.

[1:14:20] It's great to see Peter Lorre playing a character who is not like a, who is not a monster in

[1:14:25] some way, but instead it's just kind of like, uh, the, the ladies man, you know?

[1:14:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:14:30] Uh, I went to my letterbox.

[1:14:32] I see it's already in my watch list.

[1:14:34] I think because Tarantino mentioned it in Cinema Speculation, his book, I believe.

[1:14:38] He might have.

[1:14:39] He may have mentioned it in that, yeah.

[1:14:40] Because it's a Don Siegel movie and, you know, he is a fan.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14:43] And it's funny to see, it's funny to see a Don Siegel movie that it, in many ways, it

[1:14:48] has similar things with his other movies, but it's funny to watch him working in a like

[1:14:53] 1890s London milieu.

[1:14:55] When I think of him as more of like an American action filmmaker, you know?

Dan McCoy

[1:14:59] Uh, while we're in recommendations, I just remembered, I wanted to say, um, if you live

[1:15:04] in New York, um, I just saw a friend of the show, Natalie Walker, who was on our Cats episode

[1:15:11] on, uh, the, with the Sharon Tate, Haunting of Sharon Tate episode.

[1:15:15] She was kind enough to do the reading of, uh, The Boy Next Door with us on YouTube.

[1:15:21] Uh, she is appearing in a show called Big Gay Jamboree, the Big Gay Jamboree, uh, off

[1:15:28] Broadway downtown.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15:29] That was the original title of the Country Bear Jamboree, right?

Dan McCoy

[1:15:32] Yeah.

[1:15:32] Uh, I, you know, I, look, it doesn't need our help.

[1:15:36] I think it's doing pretty well.

[1:15:38] There was a sellout crowd, but if you're in New York, uh, it was really good.

[1:15:43] And, uh, she was really funny in it and it was exciting to see her in a, a show that

[1:15:48] good.

[1:15:49] Um, so check it out if you can.

[1:15:52] Um, yeah.

[1:15:54] And I guess that's the end of our first Shocktober episode.

[1:15:57] So spooky.

[1:15:58] For 2024.

[1:16:01] Boogans.

[1:16:02] Mm-hmm.

[1:16:02] Stuart likes to say.

[1:16:03] As Stoingans used to say.

[1:16:05] Uh, thank you to Maximum Fun, our podcast network over at MaximumFun.org.

[1:16:11] You can listen to a lot of other great podcasts, funny ones, uh, ones that'll learn you something.

[1:16:19] Uh, check it out.

[1:16:20] Uh, thank you to Alex Smith, our producer.

[1:16:22] He goes by Howl Dottie all over the internet.

[1:16:26] He does music.

[1:16:27] He does Twitch streams.

[1:16:29] Check his stuff out.

[1:16:31] Um, but that's it for the Flophouse.

[1:16:33] I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16:34] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16:35] I've been Elliot Kalin.

[1:16:37] Okay.

[1:16:38] Bye.

[1:16:39] Woo.

[1:16:41] On this episode, we discuss Night Swim.

[1:16:54] Let me caution you.

[1:16:55] If you are a knight, do not go swimming.

[1:16:57] Your heavy armor will drag you to the bottom of the pool.

[1:17:00] You will drown.

[1:17:01] This is a safety update from the Flophouse.

[1:17:03] Very relevant to this movie.

[1:17:04] Mm-hmm.

[1:17:05] But what if there's a lady in that lake?

[1:17:07] Just let her throw you a sword from her own location.

[1:17:09] You stay on the shore.

[1:17:10] Okay, that makes sense.

[1:17:11] That makes sense.

[1:17:13] Maximum Fun.

[1:17:14] A worker-owned network.

S4

[1:17:16] Of artists-owned shows.

[1:17:18] Supported.

[1:17:18] Directly.

[1:17:19] By you.

Ep.#435 - Night Swim

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