The Flop House: Episode Six - Perfect Stranger

Dan McCoy

[0:00] Tonight on the Flophouse, we discuss Perfect Stranger, the finest Bruce Willis thriller since Color of Night.

[0:30] And now a partial synopsis of Perfect Stranger, courtesy of Wikipedia.

[0:37] The film opens with reporter Rowena Price, Halle Berry, and researcher Miles, Giovanni Ribisi, going after a conservative senator who has been having sexual encounters with his male interns.

[0:48] Rowena confronts the senator and records audio evidence.

[0:52] However, the story is shut down when the source clams up shortly thereafter, and Rowena's editor puts a stop to the story.

[0:58] Disgusted, Rowena quits her job.

[1:01] While walking home, she meets her childhood friend, Grace, who seeks her help in taking down Harrison Hill, Bruce Willis, a wealthy businessman.

[1:10] Grace gives her emails as proof of their extramarital affair, which he recently ended.

[1:14] A few days later, Grace is found dead, leading Rowena to suspect Harrison.

[1:18] With Miles' help, Rowena goes undercover as a temp at his company.

[1:22] She flirts with Harrison, both online and in real life.

[1:26] But he catches her snooping and fires her, believing her to be a corporate spy.

[1:30] At Miles' apartment, Rowena discovers a shrine to herself and explicit pictures of Miles and Grace.

[1:36] Miles arrives home and they have a falling out.

[1:38] Rowena goes to the police with evidence she and Miles uncovered, who arrest Harrison for the murder of Grace.

[1:43] What happens next?

[1:45] Is Bruce Willis the murderer?

[1:47] Or is there a shocking twist ending that Simon is sure to hate?

Stuart Wellington

[1:51] Let's join the others in the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:54] Welcome to the Flophouse tonight.

[1:57] Mm-hmm.

[1:57] Or in the morning, depending on when you're listening.

[2:00] My name is Dan McGovern.

[2:00] Could be afternoon, too.

[2:02] Sure.

[2:02] Yeah, and my name's Stuart Wellington.

[2:05] My name's Simon Fisher.

[2:06] So, Perfect Stranger.

[2:09] So this movie starred Bruce Willis.

[2:12] It did.

[2:12] It was a movie.

[2:13] And Halle Berry.

[2:14] And Giovanni Ribisi.

[2:15] And it was about the internet.

[2:18] So was this movie made in 1992?

Stuart Wellington

[2:21] It feels like the script, someone wrote this script when, like, the internet quote-unquote first hit.

[2:27] Because so much of it is, like, based on, like, AOL chatroom shit.

[2:31] It feels like someone wrote this and it's been, like, kicking around different studios for, like, the last, what, fucking, at this point, like, almost like 12, 15 years?

Dan McCoy

[2:37] Right, well, this belongs to that school of thriller, which is a bunch of creepy stuff happens online, huh?

[2:45] I mean, because it's all based around, uh...

[2:48] Online.

[2:50] Specifically, romantic instant message style hookups.

[2:54] But as you point out, it appears to occur in AOL chatrooms.

Stuart Wellington

[2:58] Now, I remember, now I can vividly remember being in about, I want to say 6th grade.

[3:03] Like, okay, and I can be absolutely certain, but I vividly remember hanging out with a friend, who was one of the first people I knew that had the internet.

[3:10] And it was fucking the only thing to do on the internet was AOL chatrooms.

[3:14] And this would have been almost 20 years ago.

[3:17] So you log in, you're like, any other horny 13-year-old?

[3:22] Pretty much.

[3:22] You would literally, like, be like, hey, let's look at all the different chatroom, like, headings.

[3:26] And they're all ultimately the same.

[3:28] Like, they would be like, oh, this one's for, I don't know, role-playing.

[3:31] Or this one's for, like, comic book enthusiasts.

[3:34] Or whatever.

[3:34] But it all ended up being the same thing.

[3:36] Just a bunch of, I don't know, like, 13-year-old fuckers being like, hey, what's up?

[3:40] Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[3:43] And I'm like, get this guy out of here.

[3:45] And, like, that was it.

[3:46] That was the internet 15 to 20 years ago.

[3:49] So, Giovanni Ribisi.

[3:50] Come along with it.

Dan McCoy

[3:52] Giovanni Ribisi plays Halle Berry's tech-savvy friend.

[3:56] And this, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[3:57] I think friend's probably the only way we could describe it, I guess.

[3:59] Yeah.

[4:00] Friend slash colleague?

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Halle Berry is a reporter.

[4:04] Yes.

[4:04] And Giovanni Ribisi appears to be in some sort of reporter support.

S3

[4:08] The thing about Giovanni Ribisi's character is that he wears a lot of hats throughout the movie.

[4:13] Like, he's a friend.

[4:15] He's, you know, an unrequited lover.

[4:18] He's, uh, some other shit.

[4:20] See, I thought...

[4:21] He's a victim.

[4:22] That's the thing.

[4:23] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[4:23] For a second, I thought you meant, uh, that he literally wore a lot of hats.

[4:27] Honestly?

[4:28] Honestly, Dan, I thought that the same thing, too.

[4:31] Halle Berry is the one.

[4:32] I'm like, Stuart, you didn't not wear any hats.

[4:33] You were thinking of Halle Berry's character.

S3

[4:34] She wore a bunch of jaunty caps through the entire film.

Dan McCoy

[4:37] Which was also a weirdly...

[4:39] What's the word?

[4:40] Not apocryphal.

[4:42] When's that?

[4:42] A time?

[4:43] Oh, an anachronistic.

Stuart Wellington

[4:45] Anachronistic, um, sort of touch.

[4:47] I don't know.

[4:48] Ladies these days seem to like hats.

Dan McCoy

[4:50] Yeah, but not like, sort of...

[4:51] Cheese cutter, as I believe the name is of that.

[4:53] They're sort of like Country Squire, um...

[4:56] Cheese cutter.

[4:56] They're gonna go fox hunting sort of...

[4:58] It's called the cheese caps.

[4:59] But the point I was gonna make was that, um,

[5:01] Chief Ina Rizzi is sort of the Jimmy Olsen character, let's say.

Stuart Wellington

[5:05] Yeah, but imagine in a 90s, or I guess 2000 plus, like, it's kind of bad attitude.

[5:11] You know, he seems to drink a lot, like, he does some hard living.

Dan McCoy

[5:15] Yeah, they all hang out at the bar Chumley's together.

Stuart Wellington

[5:17] Yep, Chumley's, which is somewhere on the west side.

[5:19] You can check it out if you live in New York.

[5:20] Near the Christopher Street stop.

[5:22] Chumley's, check it out.

Dan McCoy

[5:23] They want to take down, uh, Bruce Willis.

[5:26] Yeah, right.

[5:26] They want to take him down.

[5:27] They do want to take him down.

[5:28] They want to do a sting.

Stuart Wellington

[5:29] Dan, why do they want to take him down?

Dan McCoy

[5:31] Well, Halle Berry's...

Stuart Wellington

[5:32] On the surface, or in the real world?

[5:34] No, no, no, on the surface.

Dan McCoy

[5:35] Halle Berry's friend...

Stuart Wellington

[5:36] What was the friend's name?

[5:37] Um...

[5:38] I challenge you to remember.

[5:40] Camille?

[5:40] Grace.

[5:41] Yes, it was Camille.

[5:43] It's Grace.

[5:44] You were close.

S3

[5:44] Once again, I remembered the character's name the best.

[5:47] Yes, it was Grace.

Stuart Wellington

[5:48] Okay, I'm going to trust you because I don't remember either.

Dan McCoy

[5:50] Halle Berry's friend turns up dead after mentioning becoming acquainted with Bruce Willis via chat.

[5:57] Harrison Hill was his name.

[5:59] Harrison Hill, who I kept thinking that his name was Harold Hill, which is the protagonist

[6:04] of the hit musical The Music Man, and I thought that maybe Halle Berry was going to take him

[6:08] down for running a band scam, where he went from town to town selling band instruments.

[6:13] But it was really a scam.

Stuart Wellington

[6:14] Yeah.

[6:15] Like in The Music Man.

[6:16] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[6:17] The plot of The Music Man.

[6:18] Sure.

[6:18] A film I would have rather watched.

[6:21] Really?

[6:23] I like The Music Man.

[6:24] Okay.

[6:25] I'm not going to fight you on this one.

[6:26] It's a good Robert Preston vehicle.

[6:28] We have gone very circuitous.

[6:31] Yes, it's true.

[6:31] Much like the film Perfect Stranger, we are specializing in elliptical storytelling.

[6:37] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[6:37] Let me, let me, let's just touch on that real quick.

[6:40] Watching the beginning of this movie felt like I had just happened to catch a soap opera

[6:45] on a day off.

[6:46] Because I was like, didn't you talk to Jonathan?

[6:49] Jonathan and Cam were already here.

[6:50] They brought Christopher with them.

[6:52] Like, who the fuck are these characters?

[6:53] Why are you just rattling off names?

Dan McCoy

[6:55] Or maybe, perhaps you had stumbled into someone else's high school reunion.

[7:00] Like, people were trying to, you know, Jonathan.

[7:03] Jonathan's now working with Edgar.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] Thomas was there.

[7:08] Thomas and Beverly.

[7:09] They were in a big fight.

Dan McCoy

[7:11] For a movie that was ultimately very, very stupid, it was very difficult to follow.

[7:17] You're a prick.

Stuart Wellington

[7:18] Yes, that's true.

[7:19] It was incredibly difficult to follow.

[7:21] Mainly because they were just, literally, they were just shotgunning out names.

S3

[7:24] Well, part of it is because Halle Berry's character uses a nom, nom de plume.

[7:30] Nom de gore.

[7:31] Yeah.

[7:32] For when she writes investigative journalist stories, which is a man's name, which I think

[7:37] is kind of setting you up for the rest of the movie.

[7:40] Because it's all about different identities.

[7:42] Sure.

[7:43] Well, identity.

[7:43] Who are you really?

[7:44] You know what I mean?

[7:45] Who is anyone?

[7:46] Well, that's one of the things.

[7:48] Who is Simon?

[7:48] The movie brings up the whole idea of, like, in this, you know, this information age.

Stuart Wellington

[7:53] Well, specifically in this internet age.

[7:55] Yeah, in this internet age.

[7:57] What defines us as people?

[7:58] Right.

[7:59] Hypothetically, I could get on the internet right now and create whatever false identity

[8:03] I wanted.

[8:04] And who's to know?

[8:05] Uh-huh.

S3

[8:05] Simon Fisher would be hidden beneath a number of, like, Chinese screens.

Dan McCoy

[8:10] Well, that's a point that I sort of wanted to get at, which was Halle Berry's character

[8:16] believes that Harrison Hill killed this woman.

[8:19] So to bring her down as the intrepid girl reporter she is, she is going to lure him into

[8:26] her world of internet instant messaging, which she knows that he is fond of.

[8:31] And to do this, she gets tech-savvy Giovanni Ribisi to set up an IAM account for her.

[8:39] Yes.

[8:40] She actually has him set it up for her.

[8:41] She can't do it herself.

[8:43] This is beyond her skills.

[8:45] And I think you pointed this out, Simon.

[8:47] Her name was Rocket.

[8:48] Rocket girl.

Stuart Wellington

[8:50] Yeah, her name was, hey, he's like, what name do you want?

[8:52] And she's like, how about Rocket?

[8:54] That was my nickname in college.

[8:56] First of all, no one nicknamed his name.

[8:58] It was literally right up the bed.

[9:01] And no one got called Rocket in college.

[9:04] Also, I like that Rocket wasn't already taken as a handle.

[9:08] Right.

[9:09] Rocket was available.

[9:09] It didn't have to be Rocket 179 or whatever.

[9:12] Just Rocket was available.

[9:13] No one had chosen Rocket.

Dan McCoy

[9:15] Not a lot of Rocket enthusiasts on the internet.

[9:17] I don't, you know, I don't know if you realize this, but the internet isn't filled with people

[9:21] who are interested in rocketry or any...

[9:24] Sure, aeronautics.

[9:25] The nerd pursuits.

[9:26] Right, right.

Stuart Wellington

[9:26] Yeah, I'm not actually, I don't actually have a computer, so I don't know.

[9:29] Well, then this must have been a fucking learning experience.

[9:31] I'm sorry, it was really very interesting.

[9:33] Apparently people use a computer for everything these days.

[9:35] Right.

[9:36] Occasionally...

[9:37] Dating.

[9:38] Murdering.

[9:39] Literally everything.

[9:40] Selling murders.

[9:40] Sure, everything.

[9:41] Anything you want.

S3

[9:42] Listening to reviews of popular films.

[9:44] Yes, there's a million possibilities.

[9:46] Okay, I want to introduce a new segment.

[9:50] This podcast.

[9:52] The name of the film is Perfect Stranger, guys.

[9:55] I am going to make a bet that this was not the original title that was on the script.

[10:01] So what I would like us each to do is take a second and come up with what we think was

[10:06] earlier on the list of titles for this movie.

[10:09] You know what?

Stuart Wellington

[10:09] That actually is a really good segment.

[10:11] I like that.

[10:13] You kind of put me on the spot saying he's in dead air.

[10:16] So fuck you.

[10:16] You're sort of pipping him out.

[10:18] Yes, a little bit.

[10:19] I want to say the internet murderer, but that seems kind of obvious.

[10:24] I think it's probably...

[10:25] I don't think that was it.

S3

[10:26] Well, what it would have been would have been I am colon internet murderer.

[10:31] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[10:31] Holy shit.

[10:33] That's...

[10:34] I'm going to give you a high five right now.

[10:36] That was fucking really good, dude.

Dan McCoy

[10:38] Dan?

[10:38] I'm sorry that I'm away from the microphone as I'm keeping my cat away from the podcast

[10:43] wires.

[10:45] Those cats are dicks.

[10:47] I think probably it was called The Net starring Sandra Bullock.

[10:51] Had to change that title.

[10:53] Because it was already taken.

[10:55] It was really weird that they titled it starring Sandra Bullock too.

[10:59] Right.

[10:59] It seems long.

[11:00] Well, that was sort of dream casting.

[11:02] The screenwriter.

Stuart Wellington

[11:03] And also, commonly speaking, they won't feature the actor or actress's name in the title of

[11:08] the movie.

[11:08] No.

[11:09] Because it kind of breaks the fourth wall a little bit.

[11:10] Being John Malkovich maybe is like...

[11:12] Pretty much the only example.

[11:13] One example.

Dan McCoy

[11:14] Yeah.

[11:15] Once.

Stuart Wellington

[11:15] Right.

[11:16] Like, for instance, you wouldn't have the title of a movie be, I don't know, Lion King

[11:20] Music by Elton John because it kind of takes you out of the experience.

[11:27] Dan liked that one.

[11:28] Nice.

S3

[11:28] Before Perfect Stranger.

[11:29] Went to me.

Stuart Wellington

[11:30] I just like that your brain went to that.

[11:32] Yeah.

[11:33] Time wired.

[11:34] Stu, what do you got?

S3

[11:35] Before Perfect Stranger, I think it was danger dot dot dot computer.

[11:42] That's an explanation point.

[11:43] Okay.

[11:43] So it was one of those two at least.

[11:45] Okay.

[11:45] I like I am colon instant murderer.

[11:48] Internet.

[11:49] Instant murderer.

[11:50] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[11:50] I am instant murderer.

[11:52] That's okay.

[11:52] Between the two of us, I think what we put together here is probably the most accurate

[11:56] picture.

[11:57] Exactly.

[11:57] Maybe it was called Halle Berry.

[12:00] You're doing it again with the name of the movie.

[12:02] Halle Berry Dr. Com.

[12:07] Halle Berry dot com was the original name of the movie.

[12:09] Yes.

S3

[12:10] Well, no.

[12:10] Old word.

[12:11] Is there a hyphen?

Dan McCoy

[12:12] I like.

[12:13] Well, no.

[12:13] I used to like that there was a brief vogue for putting dot com at the end of movie titles

[12:19] like beer dot com.

[12:21] Sure.

[12:21] And there are other examples.

[12:23] He's being a dick right now.

[12:25] Yeah.

[12:26] Name the other ones.

S3

[12:26] I mean, unless we're talking about the popular Jethro Tull album, JTull.com.

[12:30] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[12:31] That was another thing that came out at the same time.

[12:33] Ian Anderson discovered this thing called the internet and released an album about a concept

[12:37] album, I believe.

Dan McCoy

[12:37] That came first.

[12:39] And then there was the vote for putting I in front of things.

[12:41] And now probably putting Google in front of things is the standard internet joke.

[12:46] That is true.

[12:47] I think this movie was called HTTP.

Stuart Wellington

[12:50] Yeah.

[12:50] We're going to the same place.

[12:51] You got it.

[12:52] Take this one, Dan.

[12:53] That's forward slash forward slash.

[12:55] W-W-W.

[12:57] P-S-I love you.

[12:58] Backslash Holly Berry.

[13:00] Backslash there's a good ass murder dot com.

[13:03] Now, son.

[13:04] H-T-M-L.

S3

[13:05] Simon, you know, I was paying attention to our podcast.

[13:08] Sure.

[13:08] And in the past, you complained about your dislike of twist endings.

[13:13] That's true.

[13:14] Now, I wasn't paying attention.

Stuart Wellington

[13:15] My favorite part about this is that you got that from listening to the podcast.

S3

[13:18] I wasn't paying that close of attention to the movie Perfect Stranger.

[13:22] Okay.

[13:23] But was there a twist ending?

Stuart Wellington

[13:24] You, by the way, made the wise decision.

[13:26] And yes, Stu, there was a twist ending.

[13:28] No kidding.

[13:29] No fucking fake, bro.

[13:31] What are your thoughts on twist?

[13:32] Crazy twist ending.

[13:33] I don't, you know what?

[13:35] I don't want to sound like a broken record.

[13:36] Sure.

[13:37] Okay.

[13:37] But there was a fucking twist ending in it.

[13:39] And guess what?

[13:40] It was fucking retarded.

[13:41] It was a retarded twist ending.

[13:42] And it was exactly why I hate twist endings.

[13:45] Because you have what is, you know what?

[13:47] Okay.

[13:47] There's a thriller.

[13:48] Blah, blah, blah.

[13:49] It's maybe not the greatest thing you've ever done.

[13:51] And I think in a way, like, it almost feels like a writer's like, you know what?

[13:55] I really gotta punch this fucker up a little bit.

[13:58] I know.

[13:58] How about a twist?

[13:59] Like, yeah, your script kind of sucked.

[14:02] And the twist was equally sucky.

[14:04] No one will fucking ever guess what the twist is, by the way.

[14:07] Unless, you know, I'll probably say it.

[14:08] Unless they've seen the movie.

[14:09] So, not a big surprise.

[14:10] Or I'll say it in a minute, because I get all twist, I get all fucking pissed off.

S3

[14:13] I mean, this response, totally not a surprise.

[14:15] Dan, you love twist endings.

Stuart Wellington

[14:18] If I recall, you defended twist endings pretty vociferously.

Dan McCoy

[14:22] I think that that is probably an overstatement.

[14:25] Was it?

[14:25] Really?

[14:26] Feelings about twist endings.

Stuart Wellington

[14:27] Listeners, go back and look at Paul's podcast.

[14:30] Well, here's the thing.

[14:30] And you'll find that Dan loves twist endings.

[14:32] He loves it.

[14:34] Yes, check it out.

Dan McCoy

[14:35] The thing about twist endings is you should have to be licensed.

[14:39] Like a special test you have to take?

[14:41] Yeah, you should have to take a test to see if you can do it.

[14:44] Because, like, if you can pull a twist ending off.

[14:46] Who would administer the test?

[14:47] The NVA?

[14:48] Yeah, I don't know.

[14:50] Who do I?

[14:50] I think I held up Christopher Nolan as, like, a good twist ending guy.

[14:53] So Christopher Nolan would administer the test.

[14:55] So the master of twist ending test.

Stuart Wellington

[14:57] Christopher Nolan, who, by the way, has made two major motion pictures.

[15:00] No, he's made...

S3

[15:01] He's made a couple of ones.

[15:02] He's made more of the ones.

[15:04] Uh, Batman Begins.

[15:05] Yeah.

[15:06] Insomnia.

Stuart Wellington

[15:07] Oh!

[15:08] You did insomnia?

[15:09] Yeah.

[15:09] Holy shit.

[15:10] Okay, guys.

[15:11] So...

Dan McCoy

[15:11] The point is, like, I think that when they're done well, they're like a magic...

[15:15] Oh, I...

[15:16] They're like Christopher Nolan.

[15:17] It's a magical experience.

[15:18] No, I'm not gonna just hold up Christopher Nolan.

[15:20] I mean, like, if I, you know, was born back when, uh...

[15:24] The village.

[15:25] You're a fucking dickhead.

[15:27] If I was of a...

[15:28] Go to hell.

[15:29] If I was of a movie-going age back when Planet of the Apes came out, I probably would've

[15:33] been like, holy shit, they were on the Earth the whole time.

[15:37] Okay.

[15:37] I mean, at this point, you know, clearly I know that that's...

Stuart Wellington

[15:40] No, no, that's...

[15:40] That's...

Stuart Wellington

[15:40] That's...

[15:41] That's honestly...

[15:42] That's a fair one.

[15:42] I'll give you that one.

[15:43] If I remember the original challenge was that you named five good twist ending movies,

[15:48] you were so far at three.

[15:49] My point is...

[15:49] And this is over a course of a month.

Dan McCoy

[15:51] I'm done well.

[15:52] It's a fantastic magic trick.

[15:54] When done poorly, it's what you say.

[15:56] It's like someone gets to the end of a script and they're like, all right, holy

[15:59] shit, okay?

[16:00] Fucking, fucking, fucking.

[16:00] This is basically...

[16:01] I'm hitting a corner.

[16:02] I'm hitting a corner.

[16:03] This is sort of like a pedestrian thriller.

[16:05] I...

[16:06] I need something else to jazz this up.

[16:08] I'm gonna just pull out a piece of paper that lists all my characters on it.

[16:13] I'm gonna throw a dart and whoever the dart hits, that's who the killer's gonna be.

[16:18] Unless it's too obvious, I'll throw the dart again.

[16:20] Yeah.

[16:21] And, um, I will just retrofit something.

[16:23] I will retrofit something.

[16:24] I don't care if it makes sense.

[16:26] And in this case, I think you should spoil it, Simon.

[16:28] Yeah, I will fucking spoil it.

S3

[16:30] Because the thing...

[16:30] The argument is...

[16:31] Hold on.

[16:31] Let's see who's got something to say.

[16:32] If we're going to be, uh...

[16:33] I mean, why wouldn't we spoil it?

[16:35] Because if we're doing our job even halfway right, somebody who hasn't seen the movie is

[16:40] gonna be like, fuck that movie.

[16:41] It sounds retarded.

[16:42] And if they've already seen the movie, they don't give a shit if we spoil the twist.

[16:45] That's fair.

[16:45] I don't see why we would, like, hold it under our hat or something.

Stuart Wellington

[16:49] Here's the big twist fucking ending.

[16:51] The real killer was the main character, Holly Berry.

[16:56] She's the one that killed the girl who died.

[16:59] Wait a minute, Simon.

[17:00] Yes?

[17:00] I don't understand.

Dan McCoy

[17:02] Haven't we been viewing the movie from her perspective the whole time?

Stuart Wellington

[17:05] Yes, and yet she was the killer.

[17:06] Haven't we been sympathizing with her?

[17:08] We have.

[17:09] But you know what?

[17:09] She was the killer.

[17:10] That's what makes it so fucking good.

[17:12] That does blow my mind.

[17:13] Because it's so fucking surprising.

[17:15] I'm surprised.

[17:16] Yeah, I was surprised too.

[17:17] I'm still surprised.

[17:19] We just finished the movie a half hour ago and I'm still fucking shocked.

Dan McCoy

[17:21] You actually were a little bit legitimately surprised, but I think that was just because

[17:24] you were surprised at the audacity.

Stuart Wellington

[17:26] Right.

[17:26] I was shocked at how incredulous, like, I was incredulous as the fucking balls of the filmmakers

[17:32] to be like, you know what?

[17:32] It was Holly Berry.

[17:34] And why did she kill?

[17:36] She, okay, oh God.

[17:38] Oh, fucking hell.

[17:39] I was, at a certain point in the movie, there were some very poorly cut flashbacks to Holly

[17:45] Berry's childhood where it seemed like, oh, I guess Holly Berry was molested by, like, her

[17:50] dad or her stepdad or a father figure.

[17:54] Whatever.

[17:55] Just some fucking guy.

[17:56] So, what we find out at the end is that Holly Berry's mom killed the dad or father figure

[18:05] because he was a creepy molester monster.

[18:07] But her next door neighbor and childhood friend, the girl who is killed at the beginning of

[18:12] the movie and the whole investigation is about, she witnessed the bearing of the body.

[18:16] Now, apparently this girl that got murdered was literally a monster and was blackmailing

[18:22] her childhood friend, Holly Berry, about the fucking molesting dad that used to molest her

[18:27] that her mom killed her.

[18:28] So, she's blackmailing her.

Dan McCoy

[18:29] No, wait.

[18:29] Let's not pass this over.

[18:31] I'm getting fucked up.

[18:32] Let's not pass this over, though, because we gotta point out that for this twist to work,

[18:36] the girl who's been blackmailing has to have been blackmailing Holly Berry since, like,

[18:41] the age of, like, what?

[18:42] 10, 12?

[18:43] Yes, she witnessed it when she was about 10 years old.

[18:45] She has to have been like, you know what?

[18:47] I can turn this, me witnessing the bearing of this body to my advantage and blackmail Holly

[18:54] Berry for, I don't know, like, lipstick and candy.

Stuart Wellington

[18:58] Let's also point out that this girl, this horrible, crass manipulator, also, I guess,

[19:04] seduced Holly Berry's boyfriend?

[19:07] And they had an affair.

[19:08] So, there's literally, this is a really...

Dan McCoy

[19:09] Holly Berry's boyfriend, who I didn't realize was her boyfriend until you explained it to

[19:14] me.

[19:14] Well, I'm pretty fucking astute.

[19:15] Because he was in two scenes in the first hour of the movie.

[19:19] Literally.

[19:19] And I was out of the room getting a drink during the first scene.

Stuart Wellington

[19:22] Dan, let's be clear.

[19:24] He was in two scenes in the movie.

[19:27] Like, from the beginning until the movie was over, he was in it two times.

[19:31] One time, because Holly Berry came back after a date with him, the date not being shot at

[19:36] all, and she just, like, I guess, I can't tell if she was fucking him in the kitchen or

[19:40] just, like, grinding her pelvis against him.

[19:43] I couldn't tell.

[19:44] It's pretty much the same thing, dude.

[19:45] Sure, that's, I don't know how it works exactly.

[19:48] Later on, he was in it again, and at this point, I'm like, you were like, Dan, you were like,

[19:52] who's that guy?

[19:53] I'm like, no, that's her boyfriend.

[19:55] That's the one the other girl I had an affair with.

[19:56] He would ask me how I knew it, but I fucking, I figured that shit out.

[20:00] So anyway, he's the guy from CSI.

[20:02] It's awesome.

[20:04] So, this fucking girl has been blackmailing her all along, sleeping with her boyfriend, etc., etc., just a real primo bitch.

[20:11] So what Holly Berry does is she murders her.

[20:18] And also sets up this guy.

Dan McCoy

[20:21] This guy named Bruce Willis.

[20:23] Right.

[20:24] Which, by the way, makes very little sense when you return back over, because, you know, we're led to believe that poor Holly Berry has been...

[20:33] Well, she's been victimized.

[20:34] She's been victimized in her life, and she's been molested, and then she was blackmailed.

[20:39] She really needed to get out from under the situation, and fine, that's fine.

[20:44] But then she decides to do it by framing, I don't know, some guy, some rich guy.

[20:49] Just some guy.

[20:50] Yeah.

S3

[20:51] Well, yeah, I mean, like, why did she even frame him?

[20:54] I mean, it's not like there was that much fucking police investigation.

[20:57] Clearly.

[20:58] Which one kid was getting really hot on her?

Dan McCoy

[21:00] She really could, like, if she wanted to, she probably could have bumped off that girl without anyone really noticing that much.

Stuart Wellington

[21:09] Right.

[21:09] Well, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[21:10] She didn't have to go through, like, an elaborate mastermind fake sting operation.

[21:16] Fake investigative reported.

Stuart Wellington

[21:18] With a fucking trial.

[21:19] Yeah, with a whole trial and everything.

[21:21] It was crazy.

Dan McCoy

[21:22] And in the end, Giovanni Ribisi.

Stuart Wellington

[21:24] Well, Giovanni Ribisi figures it out.

[21:26] And what he does is he confronts her with the knowledge.

[21:29] He breaks it down for us, the viewer.

Dan McCoy

[21:31] Right.

[21:32] And also for Halle Berry.

Stuart Wellington

[21:33] Not only.

[21:34] Right.

Dan McCoy

[21:34] He tells Halle Berry how she did it.

[21:36] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[21:37] Now, the reason why the script writer did that is because he wrote a shitty script.

[21:43] So the viewers at home might be unclear about what shitty shit he had written shit style.

[21:49] So he's like, hey, this is exposition for you to figure out.

[21:53] Because I didn't make it clear at all.

[21:55] So he breaks down for us, the viewer.

[21:57] It's like, oh, of course.

[21:58] And then this.

[21:59] And then this.

[22:00] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[22:01] Prior to this, it's important to point out that Giovanni Ribisi's character was.

[22:05] At first, it seemed as though he might have an innocent crush on Halle Berry's character.

[22:10] Maybe he thought she was cute.

[22:12] Later on, she goes to his apartment when he's not home to, I don't know, drop something off

[22:16] or something.

[22:16] And discovers his weird, like, corno linen closet.

[22:20] Yeah.

[22:20] Like an evidence dungeon.

[22:21] His evidence dungeon.

[22:22] Talking about the return of the evidence, doesn't he?

[22:24] Sure.

[22:24] And then this is a slight tangent.

[22:26] She goes into the bathroom and there's a weird, literally gigantic linen closet.

[22:31] Probably the biggest closet I've ever seen.

Dan McCoy

[22:33] He lives in, I guess, a regular New York apartment.

[22:36] And as a person.

[22:37] Which for non-New York natives.

[22:38] Who lives in a New York apartment.

[22:39] They're small.

[22:39] Unshanked.

[22:40] Yeah.

[22:40] I don't have a closet that's devoted to just my linens and pictures of pornography.

[22:45] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[22:46] Let me ask you, Dan.

[22:47] In your apartment, how many actual closets do you have at all?

Dan McCoy

[22:51] There's basically one closet and a room that we treat as a walk-in closet because it's

[22:57] too small to use for anything else.

Stuart Wellington

[22:59] Now, would it be large enough to not only stock, I'm going to say, from what I remember seeing

[23:04] in that scene, 20 to 50 towels?

Dan McCoy

[23:07] No, my true closet would not.

[23:08] Because he owned 20 to 50 towels.

[23:10] Yeah.

[23:11] He did a lot of drawing.

[23:12] Yep.

[23:13] He took a lot of showers.

[23:14] He's a fucking wet guy.

[23:14] He's a wet guy.

[23:15] A lot of drawing.

S3

[23:17] To tell off after a long day of masturbation.

[23:20] Of masturbation.

S3

[23:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:21] In his evidence dungeon, he also had pictures of Halle Berry arranged in a weird, sort of

[23:26] Christ-like, with like a halo around her head.

Stuart Wellington

[23:29] What he had gotten his hand on, he had gotten his hand on some kind of a mannequin and had

[23:33] glued or pasted, I don't know, a shitload of pictures of Halle Berry to the mannequin.

[23:39] Now, that's crazy.

[23:41] Right?

[23:41] Like, that shit is the kind of shit that anyone puts in a movie because they're trying to

[23:45] create a great big neon sign for like, this person's crazy.

[23:49] Like, it isn't real.

[23:50] Like, it isn't real.

Stuart Wellington

[23:50] It's so fucking fabricated just for movies.

[23:52] Like, the guy who made a weird shrine to the girl.

[23:56] And I like to point out.

[23:56] Like, it only happens in movies.

S3

[23:58] I mean, the next time I'm interested in a girl, I think I'm going to do that shit because

[24:01] who gives a rep, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[24:03] Right.

[24:04] Nobody's fucking...

[24:04] No one has to know.

[24:06] By the end...

[24:06] You've got a spare cloth, then fuck it.

[24:08] Put it in there.

S3

[24:08] Fuck it, dude.

[24:08] Like, give me a chance to work at my scrapbooking.

[24:11] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[24:12] By the end of the movie, though, we are asked to forget how creepy Giovanni Ribisi is

[24:17] and sort of accept him as, I guess...

[24:19] Pretty wise.

[24:20] The de facto hero of the film.

[24:22] The guy who figures it out.

Stuart Wellington

[24:24] Now, Giovanni Ribisi, we find out that his crush was in fact not a crush.

[24:28] It wasn't just that he had tender feelings for Holly Berry.

[24:31] He was meant, apparently, to be a creep.

[24:34] Like, a fucked up creep.

[24:36] He's like, he's a goddamn creep.

[24:37] So, now he cracks the mystery.

[24:39] He figures out like, blah, blah, blah.

[24:41] Holly Berry, you're the one that did it.

[24:43] And here's why I know.

[24:44] Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[24:45] Now, the best part is there's a series of, like...

[24:48] There's a montage.

[24:48] Like, a series of vignettes of, like...

[24:50] Always a good idea.

[24:51] Right.

[24:51] Always.

[24:51] Literally always a great idea, filmmaking-wise.

[24:54] Where he's, like, talking to her in the hallway.

[24:56] Talking to her in the kitchen.

[24:57] The entire exposition takes place over...

[24:59] What do you want to say?

[25:00] Like, seven minutes?

[25:01] Maybe.

[25:02] Okay, let's say seven minutes just for the sake of argument.

[25:04] There's a scene of them sitting on the floor in the hallway.

[25:07] Indian-style, facing one another.

[25:09] There's a scene of them sitting on the couch,

[25:11] with her head in his lap.

[25:13] As he's explaining how she's a murderer.

[25:15] The scene ends with them in the kitchen,

[25:18] and I guess making breakfast together?

[25:20] Yeah.

[25:20] At which point, he turns around...

[25:22] It looks like we've been together.

[25:22] Right.

[25:23] They're making breakfast together.

[25:23] All night.

[25:24] They're making omelets.

[25:25] He turns around and says, like, blah, blah, blah.

[25:28] So you did all these murders.

[25:30] But here's the question.

[25:31] What are you going to do for me to make sure I don't tell?

[25:34] At which point, you're like, oh, so he is a creep, and a sexual predator, and a monster.

[25:39] And she stabs him.

[25:41] She murders him.

S3

[25:42] Which, I could answer that question for him, dude.

[25:44] Because if you find out somebody's a murderer, the last thing you want to do is be like,

[25:48] I could tell somebody.

[25:49] What will you do to keep my house?

[25:52] They probably won't murder you.

[25:53] Yeah.

[25:53] Because clearly they don't have it in them.

Dan McCoy

[25:55] Yeah.

[25:55] If I know that, what I do is I show up at someone's house.

[25:59] Sure.

[25:59] I explain how they did it.

[26:01] And then I make it clear that I've not told anyone else.

[26:03] Right.

[26:04] Nobody knows.

[26:04] And then I threaten them in some way.

[26:06] Sure.

[26:06] Be it sexually or just, you know, asking for money.

[26:08] Well, sexually is generally the most rewarding.

[26:10] Yeah, but sexually is usually the best way.

[26:12] It's the most rewarding.

[26:13] I mean, sexually is me.

[26:14] If you want to get stabbed.

S3

[26:15] I point out how clever they are in disguising the last murder they performed.

[26:21] Reminding them of their prowess at murdering.

[26:24] Yep.

[26:25] How they murder people.

[26:26] How no one could ever catch them.

[26:27] Because they're so good at murdering.

[26:28] And I might even remind them that I live in a weird little basement that nobody knows about.

Dan McCoy

[26:32] And let's take a moment to acknowledge the haunting last shot of the film.

[26:36] Someone from across the way, looking out of their window, witnesses Halle Berry stabbing Giovanni Ribisi.

Stuart Wellington

[26:44] But not only that, but that shot very much mirrors Halle Berry's childhood friend in the first place,

[26:50] seeing the bearing of the father.

Dan McCoy

[26:51] It's haunting.

[26:52] The cycle of violence and blackmail continues.

[26:56] Yes.

[26:56] And murdering.

[26:57] Perhaps Halle Berry will frame Bruce Willis for that guy's murder.

Stuart Wellington

[27:01] The murder of her neighbor.

[27:02] Nobody knows.

[27:03] Well, we'll have to stay tuned for Perfect Stranger Part 10.

[27:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:06] All right.

[27:07] Well, the time allotted for this segment has run out.

[27:12] I'm becoming a taskmaster, trying to keep things down.

Stuart Wellington

[27:15] Can we talk about one more thing real quick?

[27:17] We can talk about one more thing.

[27:18] I just want to touch on the point that throughout this entire movie, Bruce Willis' character is a successful businessman.

[27:24] Sure.

[27:25] He's also what's presented as being quite the ladies' man.

[27:28] He's seduced many, many women.

[27:30] His game, let's call it his game, for lack of a better term.

[27:34] He's trying to seduce Halle Berry.

[27:36] His game involves him going to a bar together and him discussing the finer points of a daiquiri.

[27:43] Now, ladies out there, you can be sure that I took a lot of notes on this.

[27:47] And you will have your ass way the fuck more seduced in the future by me when I employ that word for word.

[27:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:54] It's a little too much sarcasm, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[27:55] No, I'm being sincere.

Dan McCoy

[27:57] Why am I getting turned on?

Stuart Wellington

[27:58] You can't tell when I'm being sarcastic and when I'm being sincere.

[28:00] I can't.

Dan McCoy

[28:01] Not anymore.

[28:01] Women really like people to explain, sort of podantically, what makes a really good daiquiri.

[28:09] Right, daiquiris.

[28:10] Which is the manliest of all the alcoholic beverages.

[28:13] The daiquiri.

[28:14] But I think that we need to...

[28:15] A Hemingway daiquiri.

[28:16] A Hemingway daiquiri.

[28:18] And we all know also how much women love Ernest Hemingway.

[28:20] Ernest Hemingway.

Stuart Wellington

[28:22] Chicks belong to Ernest Hemingway.

S3

[28:25] Oh my god.

Dan McCoy

[28:27] So let's wrap this up.

[28:29] Let's render our final judgments.

[28:31] And as always, the official Flophouse categories are...

Stuart Wellington

[28:34] No, it's a movie that you wouldn't recommend at all.

[28:36] It's a movie that you would recommend because it's retarded or a movie that you would recommend

[28:39] because you actually kind of liked it.

S3

[28:40] Yeah.

[28:41] Alright, just rattle that off in ten seconds.

[28:42] You rattle it off.

[28:43] Big surprise.

[28:44] Stewie, what are you feeling?

[28:45] This movie sucked and I don't want to watch it again.

[28:47] And I don't think anyone else should have to watch it because it totally sucked.

Dan McCoy

[28:49] Dan, now, step up to the plate.

[28:52] I would recommend this to watch for its hilarity.

[28:55] Really?

[28:55] I think that this shit was bananas.

[28:58] Wow.

[28:59] This shit was not fucking bananas at all.

Stuart Wellington

[29:02] This shit was my shit.

Dan McCoy

[29:04] This movie was...

[29:07] We're going to get fucking...

[29:10] Gwen Stefani?

[29:10] She's going to be suing us?

[29:11] Gwen Stefani listens to this podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] Gwen Stefani, I'm sorry.

[29:15] It was an homage.

Dan McCoy

[29:16] Um, no.

[29:17] I thought it was hilarious.

[29:18] I really thought it was hilarious.

[29:19] Really?

[29:20] I did.

Stuart Wellington

[29:20] Okay, well, I'm not going to recommend it at all because that movie pissed me off.

[29:23] Alright.

[29:24] Honestly, and that's based mainly on, obviously, the fact that it's a twist ending and we all

[29:27] know how I feel about that.

[29:28] But also because I spent the first 15 minutes of this movie having no fucking clue what was

[29:33] happening.

[29:33] Because all the characters were just fucking rattling off shotgun style the name of characters

[29:37] that weren't in the movie.

[29:39] Like, don't you remember what Christopher said to Thomas?

[29:43] Like, I don't know who these fucking people are.

[29:44] I don't know what's happening.

[29:45] I'm just mad at this movie right now.

[29:47] Sure.

[29:47] So I say fucking no.

[29:48] Don't watch it because it's for dickweeds.

[29:50] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:51] Alright, well, fair enough.

[29:53] Let's, uh, let's move on.

[29:54] Before we do some recommendations.

[29:56] Okay.

[29:56] But you have some shit in your hand.

[29:58] I have some papers in my hand.

[29:59] Because Stuart was already looking at them, I think I'm going to move on to this section,

[30:03] which is listener feedback.

[30:05] Okay, cool.

[30:05] Oh, this is all.

Stuart Wellington

[30:06] I'm fucking excited about this.

Dan McCoy

[30:07] Our first actual, uh, listener feedback.

[30:10] Some emails came in.

[30:11] I would love to hear these.

[30:12] The first one's a bit of a cheat.

[30:14] It's from my old friend Rusty, who, uh, I know back when...

[30:16] I don't know Rusty.

[30:18] I know from middle school.

[30:18] I don't know Rusty.

[30:19] I'm going to skip over the first part of, uh, his email.

[30:21] Is it personal?

[30:22] Just talking about, like, you and him all the time.

[30:24] Sure.

[30:24] Okay.

[30:25] But he does want to say, uh, taking extra liberties to introduce my own picks into the

[30:29] show.

[30:30] My favorite overlooked horror Halloween film might very well be Pin.

[30:35] Canadian title, Pin, A Plastic Nightmare, starring Terry O'Quinn of Lost fame.

[30:40] Keep up the good work.

[30:41] And I have to, I, um...

[30:43] I'm not familiar with that movie.

[30:44] I watched Pin over, last Christmas.

[30:48] I was over at Rusty's place.

[30:50] And, uh, at, you know, Terry Quinn, as he says, John Locke of Lost.

[30:55] Also, uh...

[30:56] Foxical character.

[30:56] Uh, the stepfather.

[30:58] The horror movie.

[30:59] Uh, the stepfather.

[31:00] I'm not familiar with that movie.

[31:01] You don't know the stepfather?

[31:02] No.

[31:03] You know, a guy, guy, guy goes from family to family, uh, killing them when they're not

[31:07] perfect.

[31:07] No.

[31:08] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[31:08] I know the granny.

[31:09] That's kind of like that.

[31:10] Sure.

[31:11] Oh, I like it.

Dan McCoy

[31:12] Pin is about...

[31:13] Terry, Terry O'Quinn's character is this doctor.

[31:16] Um, who has this life-sized sort of, you know, uh, medical mannequin named Pin.

[31:23] P-I-N.

[31:24] Mm-hmm.

[31:25] And he does, like, little ventriloquist things for his kids.

S3

[31:27] He's like, hey, I'm Pin.

[31:29] Well, I'm...

[31:30] Hello.

[31:32] There.

Dan McCoy

[31:33] But better than that.

[31:34] Well, right.

[31:35] Sure.

[31:35] And, uh, his son sort of becomes obsessed with this mannequin.

[31:39] With Pin.

[31:39] And, um, thinks of him as a friend.

[31:42] And then after Terry Quinn dies, he sort of takes on the Pin persona.

[31:46] And, uh, kills people.

[31:47] Right.

[31:48] As sons will do.

[31:49] It's, uh, it's a pretty creepy and very Canadian film.

[31:52] Okay.

[31:53] I agree with that overlooked, uh, okay.

[31:56] Um, maybe we'll watch.

Stuart Wellington

[31:57] So, Rusty has given me a good thing to look at.

[31:59] Thank you, Rusty.

[32:00] All right.

[32:01] You are a gentleman and a scholar.

Dan McCoy

[32:03] Okay.

[32:03] And we've got another, another message.

[32:06] Who's this one from?

[32:07] This one's from someone called Sunny.

[32:09] Sunny.

[32:10] I don't know who that is.

[32:11] Uh, S-U-N-N-Y.

[32:12] Okay.

[32:13] And it says, howdy, I like your podcast, but for me,

[32:16] every two and a half weeks isn't cutting it.

[32:18] I understand that you have lives, but I think you guys should do your show every week.

[32:22] A run through the park isn't as enjoyable without random laughs that make old people stare

[32:26] at me the same way they do the homeless guy debating the meaning of over easy with himself.

[32:30] So if you have the time and willpower, maybe a little more frightening old people and chuckles?

[32:34] Thanks.

Stuart Wellington

[32:35] I think that is a lovely email message.

[32:37] It is a great message.

[32:38] I want to take this opportunity to say that, Sunny, whomever you may be, you are a lovely

[32:43] person.

[32:43] And God bless you for saying those things.

S3

[32:45] You're lovely, but at the same time, I need to point out that you're a little misinformed

[32:49] that we don't actually have lives.

[32:51] So, easy misconception.

Stuart Wellington

[32:54] You might imagine we're busy.

Dan McCoy

[32:56] I like the Sunny character.

[32:58] I'm the one who...

[32:58] I'm ready to dedicate this podcast to Sunny.

[33:01] Sure.

[33:02] Let's do it.

[33:03] This podcast is dedicated to you, Sunny.

[33:05] I just want to say, though, that I'm the guy who edits the podcast.

[33:10] I produce them.

Stuart Wellington

[33:10] Yeah, you know what?

[33:11] That's actually really fair.

[33:13] All the actual work that goes into this, literally all of the actual work, is performed by one

[33:19] Daniel McCoy.

[33:20] And, Stu, I think we own this.

[33:23] Yeah.

[33:24] And I think you, the viewers of Home, own that as well.

[33:26] I only mentioned...

[33:27] Dan...

[33:27] Although, this thing's held together with the glue and the popsicle sticks.

[33:30] Well, thanks.

[33:30] Dan makes it happen.

Dan McCoy

[33:31] Well, I don't know why it's actually thanks to the glue and the popsicle sticks.

[33:35] But the point is...

[33:36] You make it happen.

[33:37] I appreciate it.

[33:38] You're a special person.

[33:38] I appreciate it.

Stuart Wellington

[33:38] As special as Sunny, if not more so.

[33:41] Thanks.

Dan McCoy

[33:42] No, I'm just...

[33:43] I am also the only married member of the podcast.

[33:47] Irony is delicious.

[33:48] So, I actually don't have a lot more time to spend during the week.

[33:53] Okay.

[33:53] Which is funny.

S3

[33:54] You gotta get a little bit of a bit of a bit of a shit.

[33:56] Sure.

[33:57] Right.

[33:57] You guys have busy brunches?

[33:58] I have two brunches.

Dan McCoy

[34:00] Yeah.

[34:01] Oh, my God.

[34:01] The swinging.

[34:02] So much swinging.

Stuart Wellington

[34:04] No, no.

[34:04] I thought you were talking about tea parties.

[34:05] You guys swing?

[34:06] I said key parties.

[34:07] Oh, they said tea parties.

[34:08] Oh, holy shit.

[34:09] I'm sorry.

[34:09] I don't...

[34:09] Well, there are...

[34:10] Clearly, you and I have different images of marriage.

Dan McCoy

[34:12] In the morning tea parties.

[34:14] In the evening tea parties.

[34:15] That's what marriage is.

[34:18] Tea parties and swinging.

Stuart Wellington

[34:20] It sounds fucking hot.

[34:22] Yeah.

[34:22] It sounds really ironic.

Dan McCoy

[34:23] Sometimes together.

[34:24] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:26] It's a really swing tea party.

[34:27] Those are the most confusing parties.

Dan McCoy

[34:31] So...

[34:31] That's great.

[34:32] That's priceless.

[34:33] With all the tea and the...

[34:35] And the extramarital affairs.

[34:36] The partner trading.

[34:37] Mm-hmm.

[34:38] I don't have time to edit more.

[34:40] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[34:40] Which I take advantage of by extending it with tangents and bullshit.

Dan McCoy

[34:45] Simon's really disturbed by the idea of all this swinging.

[34:49] So he tries to extend the podcast to make me spend more time editing.

[34:53] I just...

[34:53] And less time at key parties.

[34:54] It just seems like you guys don't love each other.

[34:57] Mm.

S3

[34:58] It's a weird show that you love them more, dude.

[35:00] Really?

[35:01] Yeah.

[35:01] I read about it in Penthouse.

Stuart Wellington

[35:03] You and I are going to need to have a long talk after this podcast.

[35:05] Can I bring my Penthouse?

[35:07] Well, yeah.

[35:08] I mean, clearly I have a lot to learn.

[35:09] Yeah, cool.

[35:10] Primarily about Penthouse.

S3

[35:12] Yeah, no.

[35:12] It's on the floor.

Stuart Wellington

[35:13] So, yeah, so you're married and yet you do all the work.

[35:17] And I think that's a really remarkable part of this because you want all the equipment.

Dan McCoy

[35:19] I, you know, I came to you guys with this idea for this podcast.

[35:23] And basically it was, you know, I do performing, I do comedy.

[35:27] But I thought to myself, these jackasses are funnier than most people I know.

[35:32] I enjoy talking to them about movies.

[35:34] Right.

[35:34] I need to get this out there into the world.

[35:36] I need to record this.

[35:37] And what we've discovered is that some people agree with you.

[35:40] Yeah.

[35:40] Some people agree with you that we are all funny.

Stuart Wellington

[35:42] Some people agree.

Dan McCoy

[35:42] Some he's one of them.

[35:43] Some people named Sonny who enjoyed his jog.

Stuart Wellington

[35:45] Other people, mainly the people that don't listen to us, are dickweeds.

[35:49] Yeah.

[35:49] And they don't believe we're funny.

[35:50] And you know what?

[35:51] Those people are pricks and will probably go to hell when they die.

Dan McCoy

[35:54] Yeah.

[35:54] I would like to exhort every listener to vote for us at Podcast Alley.

[35:58] No, no, no, no.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] I have a different demand of our viewers.

[36:01] Not only that they vote for us.

[36:03] I mean, obviously that goes without saying.

[36:04] But they expose this podcast to their friends.

Dan McCoy

[36:08] You want them to evangelize.

Stuart Wellington

[36:09] Yeah, absolutely.

[36:10] I want them to proselytize.

Dan McCoy

[36:12] Sure.

[36:12] I learned that word yesterday.

[36:13] Perhaps on the subway.

[36:14] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[36:14] Yep.

[36:15] Like the homeless person in Sonny's message.

Dan McCoy

[36:18] So, moving on from that, though.

[36:20] I love you, Sonny.

[36:21] We should do our recommendations.

[36:23] Yes, we should.

[36:24] Things that we actually enjoy.

[36:26] So, I'm going to start with Stuart.

S3

[36:28] Oh, shit.

[36:29] Earlier today, I caught a screening of the movie No Country for Old Men.

[36:35] Yeah.

[36:35] And surprise, surprise, that shit was awesome.

[36:39] Yeah, really fucking good.

[36:41] I don't even know where to start.

[36:42] So, just go see.

[36:44] It's really good.

[36:44] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[36:45] Because I've got to think.

[36:46] Normally, it's good to use this time to talk about overlooked stuff.

[36:50] Sure.

[36:51] Because what's the point in recommending something that everyone's already seen?

S3

[36:54] Why are you making me feel like an asshole?

Stuart Wellington

[36:55] Well, you haven't already seen No Country.

[36:57] I mean, like...

S3

[36:57] Also, many people won't have already seen that.

Stuart Wellington

[36:59] I think the only thing is you don't want to go with an obvious choice.

Dan McCoy

[37:02] Yes.

[37:03] However...

[37:03] Like, you know what's a great movie?

[37:05] Godfather.

[37:05] However, I've not seen a lot recently.

[37:08] I did see Eastern Promises, which I love.

[37:09] Which is good.

[37:10] Yeah, it's good.

[37:11] But I think that that already got a lot of credit.

[37:14] Sure.

[37:14] Yeah.

[37:15] It's already been covered.

[37:16] It did win at the Toronto Film Festival, so I think that's pretty good.

[37:20] The Toronto Film Festival.

[37:21] I think that probably outranks the Flop House.

[37:24] The Flop House?

[37:25] You're actually incorrect.

[37:26] A couple of months back, actually, while we were doing the Halloween podcast, so I couldn't

[37:30] actually talk about it because it's not a horror movie, I saw JSA, Joint Security Area.

[37:34] I have no idea what that is.

[37:35] It's by Chanwick Park, or Chan Park Wook, depending on where you read his name.

[37:41] Of Old Boy and Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance fame.

[37:45] I believe Park would be probably his family.

[37:49] Yeah?

[37:49] So how would you say it?

[37:50] Park Chan Wook.

[37:51] Alright.

[37:52] So Park Chan Wook, great Korean director.

[37:55] This was his breakthrough movie, and it's about a murder that occurs on the Joint Security

[37:59] Area between North and South Korea.

[38:01] Right, right, right.

Stuart Wellington

[38:02] And it was like a super high-grossing movie in Korea when it came out.

[38:04] I remember hearing about that.

Dan McCoy

[38:06] It's very good.

[38:06] It has a lot of the stylishness of, say, Old Boy, but it's, I think, a little...

[38:14] I mean, I didn't enjoy it as much, but I think it's a little deeper because it sort

[38:17] of deals with real-world concerns a little bit more.

S3

[38:20] Kind of like D-Wars.

Dan McCoy

[38:21] Yeah, exactly.

[38:22] That's another great movie.

[38:23] Like the Danger of Dragons.

[38:25] Right.

[38:25] The Danger of Dragons and the wars.

[38:26] Beware dragons.

Stuart Wellington

[38:27] That they provide.

[38:28] When you're out going to see a Sunday matinee.

[38:30] If you're Robert Forrester, beware a dragon.

[38:32] Watch out for dragons.

[38:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:34] They're really terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[38:35] What would you like to recommend?

[38:36] Fuck, I gotta recommend something now.

[38:38] I haven't seen...

[38:40] I almost watched The Secret of NIMH the other day, but ran out of time so I didn't get to

[38:46] watch it.

[38:46] I remember thinking that was a really great movie.

[38:49] I saw American President the other day on TV.

[38:52] I kind of like that movie sort of good, I guess.

[38:55] It's Aaron Sorkin.

[38:56] It pops.

[38:56] It's got that crackly dial.

Dan McCoy

[38:58] And if you want to see American President, it will be on TBS right now.

Stuart Wellington

[39:02] Literally, you can turn off your podcast and flip on TBS and you can catch it.

[39:07] You might be halfway through.

[39:07] So you're in luck.

[39:08] Whatever.

[39:09] It's awesome.

Dan McCoy

[39:09] You're halfway through.

[39:11] It's going to replay right afterwards.

[39:13] They're going to play back-to-back American Presidents.

[39:15] So it doesn't matter.

[39:16] It'll be like old-time movie going.

[39:18] You can come in.

[39:19] You can leave.

Stuart Wellington

[39:19] Whenever it happens.

[39:21] It's happening later.

[39:22] It's just nice because if you ever watch The West Wing, you can see...

[39:25] It's like a what if.

[39:26] Like an old Marvel issue of what if.

[39:28] What if.

[39:29] Martin Sheen was.

[39:30] Martin Sheen was.

Stuart Wellington

[39:30] Jebediah, whatever the fuck his name is.

[39:31] was the vice president and not the president.

Dan McCoy

[39:34] Yeah.

[39:34] That is some crazy shit.

[39:35] Also, what if Roblo wasn't on the president's staff?

Stuart Wellington

[39:39] That's the what if world there.

S3

[39:40] Okay.

[39:41] Wait, was it the Watcher?

Stuart Wellington

[39:42] Yes, the Watcher did introduce every issue of what if.

S3

[39:45] That is pretty awesome, man.

Stuart Wellington

[39:46] Yeah, no.

[39:47] Fucking what if was awesome.

[39:47] What about the Beyonder?

[39:49] The Beyonder was in...

[39:50] He was involved in the Secret Wars.

[39:51] He had nothing to do with what if.

Dan McCoy

[39:53] Oh, that's cool.

[39:56] Oh, my God.

[39:58] We are dredging deep into the catalog of Marvel characters.

[40:01] Of the Marvel backlog.

[40:02] The Marvel universe.

Stuart Wellington

[40:03] I mean, I think, Dan, it's probably fair to say that we're closing in on the end here.

[40:07] We are closing in on the end here.

[40:07] I should make a brief announcement.

[40:09] Yeah, you should make a statement.

[40:10] I should make a brief announcement.

[40:11] I have business, personal business, elsewhere, and I'm going to be gone from New York City

[40:17] for an indeterminate amount of time.

[40:19] And what that means is that...

[40:20] Good riddance, yeah.

[40:21] Right.

[40:21] Yeah.

[40:22] I really dragged this thing down.

[40:24] I am not going to be involved in the Flophouse for some amount of time.

[40:28] I will, however, be producing an independent podcast called The Flophouse.

[40:33] And it will just be me.

[40:35] I will not be watching a movie.

[40:36] It's pretty much going to be me being like, I miss Dan and Stu.

[40:40] Oh, well, that's sweet.

[40:41] Dan and Stu, you should call me sometime.

[40:43] Except it's going to be like an hour, and it's going to be every other day.

Dan McCoy

[40:46] Are you going to release this out into the world?

[40:48] You're not just going to send this to us?

[40:50] No.

Stuart Wellington

[40:51] No, I'm going to be recording it on a boombox I have.

[40:54] And I'm going to be mailing you guys the cassette tapes.

[40:56] So, fucking look forward to that shit.

[40:59] Maybe you guys will enjoy it, too.

[41:00] If these two pricks decide to play it on the podcast, I'll laugh at you.

S3

[41:03] I know a guy who once recorded himself taking poops on a cassette tape and then mailed the cassette tape to a friend of his.

Stuart Wellington

[41:11] Well, I remember being a kid and recording myself rapping Ice Ice Baby.

[41:17] I didn't send it to anyone, but I recorded it.

[41:19] You should have.

[41:20] Too like a record company.

[41:22] Well, when you're back home...

[41:24] You made my demo tape.

Dan McCoy

[41:25] Well, when you're back home on your sabbatical, maybe you can find that tape and you can send it to us and we'll put it on the flop house.

[41:30] Sure, I'll fucking probably do that.

[41:32] Because you know what?

[41:33] It's really fucking endearing.

[41:34] I just want to make it clear to our loyal 200 listeners that...

[41:40] I'm sunny as one.

[41:41] We're hoping that this is just a temporary situation.

[41:45] However, that said, they've replaced me already.

[41:47] Well, no.

[41:48] We've entered into talks.

[41:49] Sure.

[41:50] The body's not cold.

[41:51] Look, I think the audience will be pleased with the succession of special guests we will have in your absence.

[41:57] However, we will be keeping your chair warm for you.

[42:01] That actually doesn't sound that pleasant.

[42:03] No, it really doesn't.

[42:04] It's kind of weird.

[42:05] I don't know how you'll be keeping it warm.

[42:07] With like a space heater?

[42:08] We'll keep...

[42:08] Well, with a succession of special guests.

[42:12] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[42:12] Other people's asses will be keeping my chair warm.

[42:16] So that when we're standing up...

[42:17] Fucking come back.

[42:18] I'm like, holy shit, it's still warm.

S3

[42:20] Weird.

[42:21] For you.

[42:21] I never left.

Dan McCoy

[42:22] No, the podcast will continue and hopefully Simon will return.

[42:27] And if he does, the chair will be open for him.

[42:30] And warm.

[42:31] We will kick whoever's ass...

Stuart Wellington

[42:33] Whatever prick ends up you calling to take over.

[42:36] Right out.

[42:37] Sure.

[42:38] So...

[42:38] But it's a sad...

[42:39] It's a sad...

[42:39] Right, right.

[42:40] So for however long it ends up being, all 200 of you bastards, you're incredible people.

[42:45] And I'm a little bit in love with all of you.

[42:48] Like, not like a lot.

[42:49] Like, not so much like G. Vann and Ribisi that I have a shrine, but tender feelings.

[42:54] It's always those things like at a party, like I see you across the room and I always wonder, like,

S3

[42:57] is tonight that I should tell them how I feel about them?

Stuart Wellington

[43:00] Like in Labyrinth?

[43:00] But I don't.

[43:01] That doesn't happen.

[43:02] Labyrinth?

[43:03] You're thinking of a different movie.

Dan McCoy

[43:05] No, I'm talking about that like...

Stuart Wellington

[43:06] No, in Labyrinth there's an erotic masquerade ball.

Dan McCoy

[43:09] Okay.

[43:09] Well, same thing, dude.

[43:10] No, no, no.

Stuart Wellington

[43:10] What I'm talking about is Can't Hardly Wait.

[43:12] Okay?

[43:13] I'm the guy from Can't Hardly Wait.

[43:15] And the whole night, the podcast viewers are like running around.

[43:19] It's the last night of high school.

[43:20] And I'm like, but I wrote you this letter.

[43:22] But we keep not being able to come together.

[43:25] I don't know if I've ever seen that movie.

[43:26] Really?

[43:27] You've never seen fucking Can't Hardly Wait?

[43:28] Well, you're...

[43:28] You dickheads!

[43:29] If you turn on TV...

[43:30] No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[43:32] Fuck that.

[43:34] I do not recommend American President.

[43:35] I recommend Can't Hardly Wait to Stuart Wellington.

[43:38] And I recommend it just to Stu.

[43:40] Stu watched Can't Hardly Wait.

[43:42] I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

Dan McCoy

[43:44] It sums up Simon's feelings towards you.

Stuart Wellington

[43:46] It's got that fucking chick from Six Feet Under in it.

[43:49] Yeah, you like her.

[43:50] Jennifer Love Hewitt.

[43:51] She wasn't in Six Feet Under.

[43:53] She was in...

[43:54] Can't Hardly Wait.

[43:54] Ghost Whisper.

[43:55] Anywhere.

[43:56] Yep, she was in Can't Hardly Wait.

[43:58] Now that we've come from...

[43:59] I hate you.

Dan McCoy

[44:00] Now that we've come full circle, much like Perfect Stranger, the film did.

Stuart Wellington

[44:04] And you know what?

[44:05] Bullshit.

[44:05] Balky wasn't in it at all.

[44:06] I know.

[44:07] Cousin Larry wasn't in it.

[44:09] The chick that was the mom in Family Matters.

[44:11] Cousin Larry.

[44:14] Hey, is that shit on YouTube?

Dan McCoy

[44:16] Let's watch that after the podcast.

[44:17] But right now, let's wrap things up.

[44:20] Because, sad as it is, we have to say goodbye.

[44:23] It's true.

[44:24] And I just want to exhort everyone, like I said, to go to the website.

[44:28] Don't say exhort.

[44:30] Click on Podcast Alley.

[44:32] Vote for us.

[44:33] Write a review for us on iTunes.

[44:35] www.pads.com

[44:36] I added a button.

[44:38] You can dig us now.

[44:39] And if I'm...

[44:40] Go to theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com

[44:44] Don't go to theflophouse.blogspot.com

[44:47] Because I discovered that that's a semi-pornographic website.

Stuart Wellington

[44:52] Hey, no, check that out first.

[44:54] Have a good masturbation session.

[44:56] Check out both.

[44:57] And then there's no good-ass fucking movie review.

[44:59] Hey, maybe those dicks will send us some free shit.

[45:01] Sure.

[45:01] Because we just fucking promoted it.

Dan McCoy

[45:03] So, if you work for theflophouse.blogspot.com

[45:06] .blogspot.com

[45:07] Send us some porn.

[45:08] Please send us free porno.

[45:10] Various sex toys, maybe.

[45:13] Dildos.

[45:13] We, you know, I may be the only one who's married, but the others, you know, have lady friends.

[45:17] I like a dildo.

Stuart Wellington

[45:18] Sure.

[45:19] I enjoy a nice dildo.

[45:20] So...

[45:21] But my last dildo got busted.

Dan McCoy

[45:23] But if you want podcast information, go to theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com

[45:31] Or send us an email at theflophousepodcast.gmail.com

[45:37] Anyway, to sum up, I'm Dan McCoy.

[45:41] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Stuart Wellington

[45:43] And I'm Simon Fisher saying goodbye and I love you.

[45:48] Goodnight.

[45:49] Goodnight.

S3

[45:50] That was a good episode.

[45:52] It was pretty good.

[45:53] We had some laughs.

[45:54] That's what's important.

Dan McCoy

[46:03] I just wanted to say, you know, like I'm, to be fair...

[46:07] Thanks.

[46:07] I love you as well.

S3

[46:09] Simon's in charge of delaying the podcast and making it go really well.

[46:14] It's my official job.

[46:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:17] Yeah.

[46:17] And I'm in charge of editing that back down.

[46:19] Because I'm a prick.

The Flop House: Episode Six - Perfect Stranger

Transcript

In this episode

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