Ep. #440 - Borderlands

[0:00] Hi, floppers, before we start this episode,

[0:02] I just wanted to remind you,

[0:03] we are in the middle of Flop TV season two.

[0:06] That's right, the one hour internet televised

[0:08] Flop House TV show is here for you

[0:11] the first Saturday of every month through February.

[0:14] Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com

[0:17] and get your tickets or season pass

[0:19] for this all new Flop House TV stuff.

[0:22] We're covering movies we've never covered before.

[0:24] We've got video segments.

[0:25] It's amazing.

[0:27] Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com

[0:29] for Flop TV season two.

[0:31] This time, it's personal.

[0:34] On this episode, we discuss Borderlands.

[0:37] Borderlands, think that I'm going to lose my hands.

[0:42] You just keep on pushing movies over the borderlands.

[0:48] Borderlands.

[0:50] Is that what the movie's about?

[0:51] I was so close to doing the same thing.

[0:54] I was so close to doing the same thing.

[1:17] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flop House.

[1:19] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:20] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:22] I'm Elliot Kaelin.

[1:23] I still have a little bit of a cold

[1:24] so I may be coughing my way through the episode,

[1:26] but don't worry, I'm okay.

[1:28] That's all right, Elliot.

[1:29] Hey Elliot, it's that time of year guys.

[1:32] We all got colds, you know?

[1:33] Plus there were like whole years of the podcast

[1:36] when I was sick, so, you know?

[1:38] Uh-huh, sick in the head.

[1:40] Your turn.

[1:41] All right.

[1:45] Dan, that was the name of your Calypso album.

[1:47] You can't get mad at Stuart for referencing it.

[1:51] That's my genre apparently.

[1:53] So this is a podcast where I get roasted,

[1:56] but it's also a podcast where we watch a bad movie

[1:58] and then we talk about it.

[2:00] A movie that society has deemed bad.

[2:02] We will be the final arbiters eventually.

[2:06] Yeah, for all time.

[2:08] In this case, oh boy, we got a big sweet meatball here.

[2:14] The sweet ball.

[2:15] Uh, Borderlands, the movie based on a video game.

[2:20] Let's start out here.

[2:21] I have no familiarity with this video game,

[2:23] I have to admit.

[2:24] I kind of stopped playing games regularly

[2:30] in the platformer era and haven't done that much later.

[2:34] Stuart, you put your hand up.

[2:36] You're more of a Prince of Persia type guy.

[2:38] Yeah, Dan was like, is there a Mario in this?

[2:41] So yeah, I have played, I think the second Borderlands,

[2:45] maybe the third, I don't remember.

[2:47] I picked up one of the random ones.

[2:49] They are described as a role playing game,

[2:50] which I feel like is a misnomer

[2:52] because you're not really role playing.

[2:54] You're just running around shooting things

[2:55] and you occasionally have missions

[2:56] where you have to go around and shoot other things.

[2:59] And the idea is that you're constantly shooting

[3:01] and fighting and enemies are constantly dropping

[3:04] better and better weapons.

[3:06] And the whole idea is that it's a loot based game.

[3:09] So you're like, you're constantly killing people

[3:11] for their weapons with the hope of getting a rare

[3:15] or like crazy loot weapon thing.

[3:18] And you can play with your friends online

[3:19] and run around and kill more stuff.

[3:21] So it sounds like there's a lot of socially redeeming value

[3:24] to the game play and the message of the game.

[3:26] And an exciting story to play along with.

[3:28] I'm sorry, is that what you're looking for

[3:29] in your video games, Elliot?

[3:31] Is that your?

[3:32] Not entirely, no, but it just, the older I get,

[3:36] the more I have to think about,

[3:37] what lessons would my child take from this game

[3:39] if they were playing it?

[3:40] And, you know, I mean, they're gonna take the right lesson.

[3:43] Goombas need to be stomped on.

[3:45] They're gonna take the right lesson,

[3:46] which is get that loot.

[3:47] I mean, that's a, I guess that's a what if scenario,

[3:49] but if you're playing the game alone, I think it's fine.

[3:54] Yeah, I don't, yeah, Borderlands, I, this movie,

[3:58] I have to say there's a certain like zippy,

[4:01] like neon-ness to some of the aesthetic,

[4:04] or at least like bright colors that I actually enjoyed

[4:06] as cheap as the movie can look sometimes.

[4:08] But I assume that that comes from the game.

[4:10] I assume that that's all stuff lifted from the game.

[4:13] Is that true, Stuart?

[4:14] Yeah, the game is notable for being very bright,

[4:18] and also, I don't know if this is

[4:21] the most accurate description,

[4:22] but it has a kind of like cell shading,

[4:25] classic art or animation style

[4:27] that I've seen replicated on Warhammer figures

[4:30] to great contrast.

[4:32] Yeah, I was talking to someone last night about this,

[4:34] and they were saying the same thing,

[4:35] that it's like, it has like kind of lines on the outside

[4:39] to make it look a little more comic book-y, maybe.

[4:43] Yeah, yeah.

[4:44] So maybe this would have been served,

[4:46] maybe this would have been served better

[4:47] as an animated movie, possibly, as an adult animated movie.

[4:51] 100%.

[4:51] It's also a game that is like

[4:55] constant things being thrown in your face,

[4:58] bullets, like loot, like ratifications.

[5:01] Rabbit bombs.

[5:03] Rabbit bombs, and there is, of course,

[5:06] a lot of it is being narrated by a very annoying robot,

[5:08] here voiced by all-star voice actor, Jack Black.

[5:13] Now, does the game also feel like it is desperately

[5:16] trying to be Guardians of the Galaxy,

[5:17] or is that just this movie?

[5:19] I feel like this is kind of an attempt to take

[5:22] that kind of general like snappiness and sassiness

[5:26] and turn it into, I mean, I feel like

[5:29] Guardians of the Galaxy is at least

[5:32] the most palatable way to do this,

[5:36] and that they're trying to take this

[5:39] and push it toward something that's a little more accessible

[5:42] for, say, a normal person, as opposed to a,

[5:45] I don't know, like Mountain Dew, Code Red-fueled teenager.

[5:51] Yeah, well, I mean, I guess let's get into it.

[5:54] This is a movie, I will say also upfront,

[5:57] went through a lot of production difficulties.

[6:01] Eli Roth's name is the only listed director name,

[6:03] but it was my understanding that at least half of this

[6:07] was reshoots done by a later director.

[6:11] No, it was done by the guy who did Terminator Darkface.

[6:14] They brought him in.

[6:15] Yeah, Steven Spielberg did that, too.

[6:16] Late in the game.

[6:17] Okay.

[6:18] I thought you said D.B. Cooper.

[6:20] There are several more.

[6:22] It's safer director, better Cooper, yeah.

[6:26] Yeah, there's several more screenwriters

[6:29] who worked on this, as is always the case.

[6:31] I mean, every movie has extra screenwriters, yeah.

[6:35] But it went through a lot of,

[6:37] originally, Roth delivered an R-rated cut, apparently,

[6:42] and then they didn't want that.

[6:43] They wanted a PG-13 cut.

[6:45] It got wildly changed.

[6:46] Nothing but dicks, I believe, is what that cut was called.

[6:50] One of the screenwriters is, what, Craig Mazin of Chernobyl?

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:57] Wow.

[6:59] Similar tone.

[7:00] He's the screenwriter.

[7:01] I mean, he also wrote the Hangover movies

[7:03] and things like that.

[7:04] You know, he's, Chernobyl is the-

[7:06] Similar tone to Chernobyl?

[7:06] Chernobyl is the outlier in his filmography.

[7:08] Chernobyl is the ultimate hangover, if you ask me.

[7:12] But yeah, he had his name removed from the credits

[7:15] at a certain point, so.

[7:16] Well, it's interesting that it went through so many hands,

[7:19] including some big screenwriters,

[7:21] considering that every line in this seems like a cliche

[7:26] that was lifted from a different film.

[7:28] I don't feel like there's any sort of line of dialogue

[7:30] that I'm like, yeah, that's new.

[7:33] You know, it all feels like-

[7:35] It does feel like there's certain movies

[7:37] where you're like, oh, oh, they started using the AI program.

[7:40] Okay, that AI program, they started using it to make movies,

[7:42] and this is, unfortunately, one of them,

[7:44] even though we know from the documented history

[7:47] that human beings worked on this movie and made it, you know.

[7:51] Yeah, so there's, like, at any one point,

[7:53] a character's gonna be saying something like,

[7:55] well, that happened, or, I don't know.

[8:00] Yeah, it's all on that basic level.

[8:02] That's gotta hurt.

[8:04] So let's start talking about the movie.

[8:07] This movie, of course, does what all great flop house films

[8:12] do, and it leaps right into the narrator voiceover

[8:16] right away.

[8:18] We learn-

[8:19] But this narrator, Dan, this narrator voiceover's

[8:21] got a little bit of attitude, as we find out.

[8:23] A little bit of sass.

[8:23] A little bit of cynicism.

[8:25] At the beginning, though, at the beginning,

[8:26] it's deadly serious until she changes,

[8:29] so we know it's gonna be a little different.

[8:31] A little bit of a vocal record scratch.

[8:33] We do things a little differently here at Borderlands.

[8:37] Some say a little bit worse.

[8:39] Bottom of the plate.

[8:40] We serve you the dessert first.

[8:44] Yeah, iridians, iridians, these aliens to us, not to them.

[8:49] They're just iridians.

[8:50] I'm gonna stop you right there, Dan.

[8:51] I'm already bored.

[8:53] I'm already bored.

[8:54] Let me take my phone real quick.

[8:55] Okay, you wanna talk about another movie?

[8:57] How's Indiana?

[8:58] You're on the road once.

[8:59] Yeah, yeah, I've spent a lot of time with my parents.

[9:03] Just started watching Foundations,

[9:04] so that's gonna keep me busy for a while.

[9:06] Interesting choice.

[9:08] I mean, last time I came to visit, it was Shogun.

[9:10] I just popped Shogun on, and they were like, whoop.

[9:14] They're like iPad kids.

[9:17] Yeah, distract them, distract them a little bit.

[9:19] Iridians used to rule the universe

[9:22] and left fragments of their highly advanced technology

[9:26] around, and that was what civilization sprung up from this.

[9:31] But there's a vault, a fabled vault on the planet of Pandora

[9:35] where all their real good stuff is hidden,

[9:39] and that's turned, what, Stu?

[9:41] Real quick, when you name something Pandora,

[9:45] does that mean it's full of good stuff?

[9:47] Yeah, unobtainium and whatnot, it's all there.

[9:50] Yeah, yeah, it usually means that there's no bad effect.

[9:54] Yeah, everything's gonna be fine.

[9:55] No irony.

[9:56] Just in case you've forgotten

[9:58] because you're in a different town.

[10:00] have to raise your hand, although I do appreciate it.

[10:02] I do appreciate that you do that rather than interrupting me,

[10:04] so maybe I shouldn't argue with it.

[10:06] It's like a little visual cue

[10:07] for all the listeners at home.

[10:09] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[10:10] You guys ever been to an Au Bon Pandora

[10:12] and you just get like a chocolate croissant

[10:14] when you open it up, all the evils of the world come out?

[10:16] I like to call it a Pandora Chocolat.

[10:21] Sure, that's what they call it in France, yeah.

[10:23] Okay, so because everyone knows-

[10:26] Guys, you ever been to Pandora Express

[10:27] and you just wanna get that like orange chicken

[10:29] and then it turns out all the evils of the world are in it?

[10:31] Yeah, but at the end, you open up the fortune cookie

[10:35] and there's hope inside, so that's good.

[10:37] Oh, yeah.

[10:39] In bed.

[10:40] How do they get the hope inside the cookie?

[10:42] That's the thing I always wonder.

[10:45] I don't know.

[10:46] Corporations and treasure seekers-

[10:49] Vault hunters, Dan.

[10:50] They're called vault hunters.

[10:51] They all want to find what's in this vault.

[10:55] And of course, you know it, there's a prophecy.

[10:59] I don't know who prophesized this or why,

[11:01] but one day, a daughter of Aridia would be the one

[11:06] who will open the vault and restore order to the planet.

[11:09] And then we see-

[11:12] So it responds to that with what I believe

[11:14] the children understand as a jerk-off motion.

[11:17] But like a real like soft and sensitive one.

[11:20] Like I care about the ghost.

[11:22] Yeah, well, he's saying that this is a great turn of events

[11:26] because it causes pleasure.

[11:28] Yeah, exactly, exactly.

[11:30] Gives the gift of pleasure.

[11:32] So, Dan, and the person doing this voiceover,

[11:34] they're like, I believe in this prophecy

[11:36] and this is great, right?

[11:37] That's the way that they leave us?

[11:39] They're pretty sardonic about it.

[11:41] I don't remember exactly what they say,

[11:42] but this is, spoiler alert, Kate Blanchett.

[11:44] A load of shit or something like that, you know.

[11:47] So we see this space station where Tina,

[11:52] who's a sassy, amoral girl, is being,

[11:57] it's unclear what's going on here

[11:59] because it seems like it's a rescue by her dad.

[12:03] Later on, we find that it's quite the opposite.

[12:06] And I couldn't tell whether that was

[12:08] the movie deliberately misleading me,

[12:11] it was the movie being difficult to understand,

[12:14] or it was just my fault.

[12:16] But-

[12:17] I think you're supposed to have those questions in mind

[12:19] because it looks like she's being rescued

[12:20] from a prison of some kind.

[12:22] Yeah.

[12:23] Because there's other people imprisoned on this thing.

[12:28] My question is, why is she imprisoned on a,

[12:32] if she's being, we'll find out later,

[12:33] she's being held by this corporation

[12:35] because they've genetically created her

[12:37] as a clone to open up this vault.

[12:39] So why is she being held on a prison satellite

[12:41] with Krieg, a monster psycho who is just violent?

[12:45] But he's actually a good guy.

[12:49] You'd think you'd keep her somewhere

[12:51] that was probably a little bit safer

[12:53] and also not as liable to be part of a prison riot.

[12:56] But again, that's just me.

[12:57] I'm not Borderlands.

[12:58] That's just me.

[12:59] I'm not the head of an intergalactic company.

[13:00] Maybe I don't know.

[13:01] Yeah.

[13:02] If Elliot was in charge,

[13:02] he'd store her in some kind of nursery

[13:03] with a bunch of other kids,

[13:05] like little wrinkled up kids with tattoos on their hands.

[13:07] Like blue skin with wrinkles and tattoos on their hands.

[13:09] There'd be a huge rabbit right there,

[13:11] like a huge rabbit that can turn into a monster.

[13:14] Yeah.

[13:15] That'll keep those kids from freaking out

[13:16] and blowing crap up.

[13:17] It's what you got.

[13:18] Look, you got a powerful kid.

[13:20] You keep them in a nursery so they feel like a baby.

[13:22] Otherwise, yeah,

[13:23] they're going to blow stuff up with their minds.

[13:23] I don't want my little blue wrinkled kids getting out.

[13:27] This guy gets it.

[13:28] What you definitely don't do

[13:29] is you don't introduce a street punk

[13:30] who just got mind powers

[13:32] to this group of kind of sheltered kids

[13:34] because he's going to give them bad ideas.

[13:35] Suddenly there's going to be like milk

[13:37] dripping out of those giant rabbits.

[13:38] You don't want that.

[13:39] Elliot, the waveforms he has is unprecedented.

[13:42] He does have unprecedented waveforms, yeah.

[13:44] You're talking about Akira.

[13:46] Yes, we're talking about Akira, Daniel.

[13:47] Yeah.

[13:48] As much as the Akira.

[13:49] So now, we're not.

[13:51] Yeah, the fact that she seems to be on this prison thing

[13:55] is part of, I think, what confused me

[13:56] because it seems like she had been kidnapped

[13:59] and she's being rescued,

[13:59] but in fact, quite the opposite is happening, sort of.

[14:02] Anyway, Roland Kevin Hart shows up to bust her out.

[14:06] Named, of course, after the hero of European myth, yeah.

[14:10] And yes, as you mentioned before,

[14:16] Krieg, who kind of looks like a big Jason

[14:19] from Friday the 13th kind of guy,

[14:21] is also a prisoner here.

[14:23] You think he's going to be creepy,

[14:24] but he's a gentle giant.

[14:26] He just, his main thing is that he fights

[14:29] and also he says like two-word kind of crazy phrases

[14:33] to describe things.

[14:34] Like when he's.

[14:35] Which I think is game accurate.

[14:37] He's also, that character is also the poster boy.

[14:40] I believe he's on the covers of all the games.

[14:42] Great visual.

[14:43] Look, he's this big shirtless brute with a mask on.

[14:46] Masks always look cool, yeah.

[14:48] Yeah.

[14:49] So anyway, we cut to Promethea,

[14:52] a different place, a planet.

[14:55] We're in a bar.

[14:56] Not the comic book Promethea.

[14:58] No, I was.

[14:59] I knew we were going to talk about this.

[15:02] Which beautiful book, beautiful book.

[15:04] I did lose a little bit of interest in the,

[15:06] what, 16 issue rundown of the levels of the Kabbalah.

[15:09] But you know what, it's still beautiful.

[15:12] Elliot, if you can't love them at the 16 issue

[15:14] rundown of the Kabbalah,

[15:16] you can't love them at the, what,

[15:17] painted doll doing backflips

[15:19] and shooting biblical accurate demons.

[15:21] Yeah, I guess you're right.

[15:22] You're right.

[15:23] I'm currently reading Alan Moore's book

[15:25] of short stories, Illuminations,

[15:26] and I'm finding that there's a certain point

[15:28] in each of the stories where I'm like,

[15:30] oh, I feel like I'm kind of like full.

[15:32] Like how much, it's like a lot of language here

[15:34] and I feel pretty full.

[15:35] How much more is there to this story?

[15:37] 35 more pages.

[15:38] Oh, okay.

[15:39] So.

[15:40] Yeah.

[15:40] So you get to a certain point,

[15:41] maybe you just switch over to novels, sir.

[15:44] I know, he's written novels, Dan.

[15:45] He's written very long novels.

[15:46] I know, but just switch over.

[15:48] Be careful what you wish for.

[15:50] Okay.

[15:52] Anyway, on Promethea, we meet Lilith,

[15:55] the bounty hunter who's played by Cate Blanchett,

[15:57] our main character.

[16:00] And let's just say it,

[16:01] let's just say it because we're gonna be tiptoeing

[16:03] around her the whole time.

[16:04] Looks amazing.

[16:05] So we'll just mention she looks incredible.

[16:08] Just like.

[16:08] Bright dyed red hair.

[16:09] She's got, you know, cosplay bounty hunter stuff on.

[16:13] She looks cool.

[16:13] Yeah, she's great.

[16:14] Like I would love to see Cate Blanchett

[16:16] in this kind of thing.

[16:17] If it was better, it would be great.

[16:20] And like the idea of Cate Blanchett getting to do this

[16:23] and get to be an action hero, it's awesome.

[16:27] That I wish.

[16:27] It's a cool idea.

[16:28] Yeah.

[16:29] Yeah, yeah, I wish it lived up to like the,

[16:32] you wanna see action tar.

[16:34] You wanna see tar as an action hero.

[16:36] And it's not, it doesn't get you to that place, you know.

[16:39] There is a scene later on

[16:40] where she picks up a flamethrower

[16:42] and roasts a bunch of dudes.

[16:43] And I'm like, I think I came a million times.

[16:47] But also, when I was looking up.

[16:51] I brought this up

[16:51] because I didn't want to seem creepy later, but.

[16:55] When I was looking up Borderlands the game on Wikipedia,

[16:59] like the very short explanation of it made it sound like,

[17:02] oh, you know, a ragtag group of treasure hunters.

[17:06] And I'm like, yeah, treasure hunting aliens.

[17:08] That could be really fun.

[17:10] But then I don't know to what degree stuff from this

[17:13] is like lifted from the sequels,

[17:14] but it all gets mucked up with stuff

[17:16] about like a chosen one

[17:18] and all the bullshit you don't need in these things.

[17:22] I would rather just see like a heist.

[17:24] And people dealing with their issues with their parents.

[17:27] Yes, plenty of that, please.

[17:28] Flashbacks to mommy leaving,

[17:30] like letting her chosen one go.

[17:32] Yeah.

[17:34] Anyway, Lilith is, you know.

[17:36] Lilith is a character from the games though, right?

[17:38] I think so.

[17:39] She's not just from Frasier.

[17:43] She's not just from Frasier.

[17:45] We are literally in the second scene of the movie.

[17:49] There's been so many interruptions.

[17:51] We've got to move this along a little better.

[17:54] So she's on Prometheus.

[17:55] She's what?

[17:56] She just, she caught a bounty or something?

[17:57] Yeah, yeah.

[17:58] But it gets interrupted by a bunch of people

[18:01] trying to shoot at her.

[18:02] She kills them all, of course,

[18:04] because, you know, she's our hero.

[18:05] She's the bad assiest, bad ass, whatever.

[18:07] Life means nothing in the rough world of Borderlands.

[18:11] Yeah.

[18:12] Turns out this has been a test from Atlas,

[18:15] who's kind of like, I don't know,

[18:16] just like a big shot.

[18:17] Like he's a rich guy.

[18:19] He rules a lot of stuff.

[18:20] He's an evil rich guy.

[18:22] Evil corporate guy.

[18:23] He's like an Elon Musk.

[18:24] Yeah.

[18:25] He's not the Atlas that has to hold the earth up

[18:26] all the time.

[18:28] Yeah.

[18:29] Imagine if that guy shrugged,

[18:31] because, oh boy.

[18:32] Oh boy, would we be in trouble.

[18:33] Disaster.

[18:34] Oh boy, would we have to learn

[18:35] about a bunch of economic garbage.

[18:38] Bullshit.

[18:39] So, but this has all been like a test from Atlas.

[18:43] He, he, this is kind of fun.

[18:45] He projects himself like via hologram

[18:48] onto like one of the dead guys.

[18:50] And then like the one remaining living guy

[18:51] has to sort of bear his message.

[18:53] Yeah.

[18:54] It's like, it's like a,

[18:55] one of the things that looks neat in this movie

[18:57] is these kind of like hologram masks

[18:59] that people wear.

[18:59] And here, yeah.

[19:00] There's a guy who is wearing a hologram mask

[19:03] so that the boss can talk through him.

[19:06] Yeah.

[19:07] And then that guy gets killed.

[19:08] So the one underling who's left alive

[19:10] has to take that mask off and put it on

[19:12] so that the boss can talk.

[19:14] It's a fun idea.

[19:14] That's a funny idea.

[19:15] It's like a, it's like a personal,

[19:16] portable deep fake machine.

[19:18] Yeah.

[19:19] It's also one of those things.

[19:20] It's one of those things that is a future,

[19:23] a piece of future technology that is actually,

[19:25] that functions a little bit worse

[19:27] and less naturally than the technology we have now.

[19:29] But that's the world we live in.

[19:30] That's the, most of the new technology

[19:32] that comes in functions worse than what we have.

[19:34] So it's, it's, it's realistic, you know.

[19:37] But he wants her to go find his daughter, Tina,

[19:41] who his husband kidnapped,

[19:43] the amoral kid with the bunny ears

[19:46] that we saw earlier on.

[19:47] I don't know if she had the bunny ears

[19:48] when we saw her the first time.

[19:49] Did she?

[19:50] Could be, could not be.

[19:52] Who knows?

[19:52] Hey, let's, let's pause the podcast,

[19:54] go back, re-watch it.

[19:56] Let's find out when the bunny ears enter the picture.

[20:00] Well, we know the bunny ears stay in the picture, as in Robert Evans' famous memoir.

[20:06] She gets a beacon to activate when she finds a daughter.

[20:08] Anyway, we go to Pandora and she arrives in this transport pod.

[20:13] We learn that this is the planet that she's from, which has become a big junkie from people

[20:20] fighting over it, trying to find this vault for centuries, or I guess just decades.

[20:27] I don't know how long the timeline on this thing is, but here's the first part of the

[20:32] movie where I'm like, wow, this really shows how this movie must have been chopped up because

[20:38] there's a long sequence of her being like, yeah, I talked to these kids and they directed

[20:44] me here and then I was attacked by these marauders, whatever, and it's all in narration and we

[20:49] just get a couple of shots of it and I'm like, this has 100% got to be stuff that they shot

[20:55] and they're like, well, we don't want to get rid of all of it.

[20:58] So let's just.

[20:59] It's really slowing it down.

[21:00] So let's just keep the scene where she rides a bus for a while and the guy keeps calling

[21:04] her a treasure, a vault hunter, and it never pays off ever.

[21:07] Let's just, let's just do that instead.

[21:09] It does feel like, it would be funny if the movie made a little bit more out of that.

[21:14] If what we were seeing clips of something really exciting and she's like, yeah, so I got attacked

[21:19] by this stuff and yada yada, it sucked anyway, I got to get going.

[21:22] So let's, let's, like, I wish they had made more of a joke out of the fact that we're

[21:25] not, that she's just yada yada-ing us through this thing.

[21:27] But you're right.

[21:28] It does feel like they were like, this movie, it does feel like Eli Roth, you handed in

[21:31] a two hour and 30 minute Borderlands movie, so you got to cut some stuff, you know, as

[21:35] opposed to a deliberate choice, you know?

[21:38] Yeah.

[21:39] I mean, I will say that the next thing that we get, the bus is at least kind of a funny

[21:43] idea.

[21:44] It's not necessary, but it gives the sense of like, okay, this is a place where everyone

[21:48] comes to treasure hunt to the degree that there's now this whole, like, tourist industry

[21:52] basically that has sprung up around it.

[21:55] And, uh, but, uh, we flash forward a couple of weeks again through that narration.

[22:00] Like any, she doesn't want to be mistaken for a vault hunter, so she keeps saying, I'm

[22:03] not a vault hunter, I'm not a vault hunter.

[22:05] Because as with James Bond, when you're on a secret mission of some kind, you want everybody

[22:09] to know why you're there and who you are and not have the wrong idea because they might

[22:13] be, they might pay less attention to you if you don't tell them.

[22:17] I think the problem is that she is so incredibly capable that it's not like, like if people

[22:24] get the right idea and they're like, oh, you're a bounty hunter trying to find the chosen

[22:28] one.

[22:29] It's not like she wouldn't be able to just shoot them to death.

[22:31] Now that she could.

[22:32] Yeah.

[22:33] Well, the thing about it is like, this is one of the cases, you know, Audrey hasn't

[22:36] watched a lot of the more recent bad movies with me, but she'd watched this one and she

[22:40] immediately was like, spoiler alert for the end of the movie that we're going to explain

[22:45] later.

[22:46] Like, oh, Cate Blanchett is going to be the one who's going to be able to open the vault.

[22:51] And part of that is, you know, by the diagram, diagrammatic nature of this storytelling,

[22:58] like she's the one who doesn't care about it.

[23:00] So she has to be the one and, you know, I'm the special one.

[23:04] I'm special.

[23:05] I'm special.

[23:06] You know, she's not going to turn out to be special because the thing about this bus thing

[23:08] is it's a funny idea, but there's no actual jokes in it.

[23:11] It's just kind of like the driver's like, oh, vault hunter, welcome, I'll drive you

[23:16] vault under.

[23:17] She's like, I'm not a vault hunter.

[23:18] And then he starts playing a video that's like vault hunters.

[23:21] Welcome to Pandora.

[23:22] But then it's just him talking about guns they might need.

[23:24] Like, there's no there's no jokes in any of it, but it's presented as if there's jokes.

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] The thing I wrote down about the dialogue for this movie is everything in this movie

[23:32] is either exposition, a cliche or mirthless jokes.

[23:38] Like there are things that are supposed to be jokes, but none of them are funny.

[23:42] Like I, I have to admit, I chuckled at some of the stuff in the movie, but it was mostly

[23:45] just like, wow, this is like, what's this movie doing?

[23:51] And I feel like this sequence feels like part of the like on ramp element in the game where

[23:56] you're like, this is how you play.

[23:59] Welcome to the game.

[24:00] While you're waiting.

[24:01] Why don't press the A button to control, control your camera?

[24:04] That kind of stuff.

[24:05] Yeah.

[24:06] Oh, you need to crouch now.

[24:08] A very important thing is about to happen, which is of course that Jack, Jack Black enters

[24:13] the picture in the form of a little box robot named Claptrap.

[24:17] And I don't, I don't know if this is true.

[24:19] I should have confirmed this.

[24:20] Actually.

[24:21] I was talking to a friend about the production of this movie and they said that they had

[24:25] heard that he like all of the Jack Black stuff was recorded way or he didn't even know kind

[24:31] of what he was reacting to.

[24:33] It was just like some of the earliest stuff that was, I don't know, maybe we can figure

[24:36] out later on with this shoot, but it seems like the best idea.

[24:40] Yeah.

[24:41] But somebody, some unknown person, somebody once told me somebody once told Claptrap that

[24:47] he was programmed to protect Lilith.

[24:51] Should she ever return to the planet?

[24:53] Who was it?

[24:54] We don't know.

[24:55] Right.

[24:56] We don't know.

[24:57] Good.

[24:58] Luckily he happens to be in the right side of the planet for her to meet up with him.

[24:59] Because again, this is a planet, so small planet is very big and contract is a very

[25:04] small robot.

[25:05] So it's lucky they happen to meet up in the right place.

[25:09] Maybe it's one of those like little planets that has the exact same gravity as Earth,

[25:12] though.

[25:13] Oh, maybe like the little prince lives on on the cover of the little prongs.

[25:16] Yeah.

[25:17] Could be.

[25:18] Um, the little prawns, so Claptrap is able to locate Tina, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

[25:29] Here's so here's a Claptrap.

[25:30] I do like one thing about Claptrap, which is I like the concept of him where he is programmed

[25:35] to serve Lilith, but he does not like her.

[25:38] So he's very openly derisive of her, but he has to listen to what she's saying.

[25:41] I mean, is this kind of passively aggressive derisive like he's passive aggressive like,

[25:46] oh, no, it'd be terrible if you died.

[25:48] Yeah.

[25:49] Is this kind of like Marvin from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy?

[25:52] Yes.

[25:53] Very much so.

[25:54] Like a high energy Marvin.

[25:55] But at the same time, it's a funny attitude for a robot.

[25:57] And I just wish that I wish that things that he said were a little funnier because it's

[26:00] I like that concept that I have to follow you, but I don't want to.

[26:06] So she finds Tiny Tina in the quarry.

[26:09] She introduces herself, I believe, as Tiny Tina or like the movie does or something.

[26:14] I'm like, OK, I guess that's your full name that you go by is Tiny Tina.

[26:18] From the desk of Tiny Tina.

[26:20] Guys, how how shocked were you that this movie did not have like freeze frame like paint

[26:27] swatch title cards every time one of our main characters showed up?

[26:30] I feel like so shocked.

[26:32] Very surprised.

[26:33] I'm so shocked that my memory supplied the possibility of one.

[26:38] Just now I'm like, did the movie do that?

[26:41] Like, no, it does.

[26:42] Yeah.

[26:43] Where it'll like cut to a planet and it'll just say like Pandora in big yellow letters

[26:47] on the screen or something like, yeah, but but yeah, we didn't get we didn't get freeze

[26:52] frame paint swatch intro moments, you know, suicide squad, suicide squad, suicide squad

[26:58] squad.

[26:59] Oh, you idiot.

[27:00] You sound so stupid.

[27:02] Yeah.

[27:03] Um, so Tina at first seems like she's like, oh, great, you rescued me.

[27:08] But of course, she's an immoral hit girl, amoral hit girl style.

[27:12] Yeah.

[27:13] You know, character.

[27:14] She's not actually.

[27:15] There's nothing funnier.

[27:16] There's nothing funnier or more fun than little kids who are violent little maniacs.

[27:21] It's the world we're developing.

[27:22] So and Les Alphonse terrible.

[27:25] You know what I mean?

[27:27] She tosses.

[27:28] It's being so bilingual today.

[27:29] I love it.

[27:31] She talks really, really bringing out the all for all say in him.

[27:35] The in France, the Lilith tosses Tina an exploding bunny and these bunnies.

[27:43] I got to say, these are some of the least effective bombs they they occasionally seem

[27:49] to work on bad guys.

[27:50] So if they're tossed at a character we care about, they will at best knock them out.

[27:53] Yeah.

[27:54] And they also have a blinking red eye lights that signals to someone that they're holding

[28:00] a bomb, which seems like a bad thing to do if you're trying to get credit for this.

[28:05] They don't.

[28:06] You can carry them on your person without it showing or without even having a bag or

[28:10] any sort of carrying thing.

[28:11] Right.

[28:12] They just appear when you need them as if you're keeping them in your butt.

[28:16] So you got to give them credit for that.

[28:18] I mean, there's other options, Elliot, but you're probably right.

[28:20] It is the butt.

[28:21] Yeah.

[28:22] I don't know where else in your body you're going to you're going to be able to carry

[28:24] that many stuffed bunnies.

[28:25] Yeah.

[28:26] We don't have flesh sacks as humans.

[28:29] No.

[28:30] Because unfortunately, we're not descended from marsupials.

[28:31] The marsupials had the right idea.

[28:33] Yeah, it is.

[28:34] And put the pocket on the body.

[28:35] You know, Krieger is there with Tina also protecting her.

[28:41] And but then they fight a bit Lilith and Krieger.

[28:44] But then Knox shows up, the commander of the Crimson Lance, which is, I guess, Atlas's

[28:49] army force.

[28:51] And they're going to take them in when Tina throws another bunny bomb.

[28:57] There's a big, you know, banks collapse in the in the chaos.

[29:00] They escape with Roland to have returned.

[29:02] Have we have we explained to Roland is that Roland is Kevin Hart Roland is Kevin Hart.

[29:06] He's he was part of the Crimson Lance in the past.

[29:10] He seems to have gone rogue.

[29:12] There also seems to be some sort of romantic history with him and Knox.

[29:15] Yeah.

[29:16] And this is a very this is a grim portrayal by Kevin Hart.

[29:19] This is not the this is not the jokey, smiley Kevin Hart we've come to know from nearly

[29:24] every other performance he's given on film.

[29:26] This is a very serious, very dour Kevin Hart.

[29:29] I very much love a movie where it feels like everybody but one person is slumming it.

[29:35] And that one person is Kevin Hart.

[29:37] Like, I feel like when he showed up to set, he's like, oh, yeah, I can't wait to be in

[29:40] this great movie.

[29:41] And everyone else like this piece of shit and the kid, I feel like the kid was probably

[29:45] excited about.

[29:46] Yeah.

[29:47] But I read that Kevin Hart, I don't know if this is true, because just something I read

[29:50] on the Internet that he trained with a Marine to before the audition for the movie.

[29:55] And I'm like, that's hard.

[29:56] That's hardcore to be training for the audition when you're a big superstar like Kevin Hart.

[30:00] and maybe they should be an offer only right he should be offer only Kevin Hart

[30:04] if you're listening to this if your reps are not making you offer only for this

[30:08] kind of movie then it's call me I will be your management I will represent you

[30:12] because you should be offer only you should not be auditioning for these

[30:14] roles you'd be really you'd be a really good talent manager Elliot oh I'd be

[30:18] great at it oh yeah cuz I love conflict I love really pushing people I love

[30:22] getting down to brass tacks and really like putting the screws to people sure

[30:25] you have like an auctioneers mentality yeah I mean I can talk fast but that's

[30:31] the main thing that is necessary from as I understand it from pop culture talking

[30:37] yeah yeah but then I'd have to wear a suit I'd have to have a ponytail I'd

[30:41] have to draw yeah you're probably talking to two different cell phones at

[30:45] the same time I probably could do that yeah yeah that's true and then I'd go

[30:49] you guys talk to each other and just smush the cell phones together and then

[30:52] would start with me and whoever just walked into the room yeah oh I thought

[30:56] you'd be like yelling into one and being really sweet and the other and then at

[30:59] some point you get up yeah police style sure yeah I'm perfect anyway so they're

[31:05] escaping in a car with Roland's they go through a gully full of pee and feces so

[31:12] that's funny and there's a monster that we see a tentacle monster that they kill

[31:20] and they have to like the tire gets blown they have to take a little break

[31:24] for some exposition we find out that Lilith's mom died trying to find this

[31:31] doll this vault Roland's deal is he wants to keep Atlas from finding the

[31:36] vault himself because Atlas cannot be trusted with whatever's inside he's such

[31:41] an evil guy he's such an openly evil guy yeah I like but I like fun evil like

[31:45] he's evil in the way where it's like all the characters should know he's evil but

[31:48] it's not like he's not like Denzel Washington in Gladiator 2 who's just

[31:53] having the time of his life yes yeah exactly yeah well anyway there's like

[31:57] it's a there's a tri-part key I guess and they have three things yes it's like

[32:03] yeah or whatever yeah so anyway we go to Sanctuary City

[32:08] Moxie's Red Light. Take me down to Sanctuary City where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

[32:12] cause Gina Gershon is there yeah that's Gina Gershon is playing Moxie doing a

[32:17] Mae West impression basically. She's like a southern Mae West yeah yeah she knows what movie she's in

[32:23] like a southern fried Mae West who's with like you know cabaret makeup and a

[32:27] little top hat and stuff and yeah and Moxie knows where the scientist is who

[32:35] kind of raised Lilith and you know like there's you know parent issues like you

[32:43] said like Lilith's like why did she send me away blah blah blah blah we're

[32:49] gonna learn there's reasons of course because this is she's now this is now

[32:54] we're now at the stage in the movie where Lilith is encountering people from

[32:57] her life on on Pandora so like when they go Moxie knows everybody everybody

[33:02] knows Moxie you know and the so it's yeah we get some backstory there you

[33:07] know yeah meanwhile someone from the army knows Roland his former roommate

[33:14] yeah they have a little comedy scene where they both try and pretend like

[33:18] that's Bobby Lee's that's yeah is that right yeah yeah anyway he's gonna rat

[33:24] them out of course so they have to knock him out and escape and then we meet

[33:29] Tannis who is played by Jamie Lee Curtis and Tannis is it's helpful for making

[33:34] wine right those are the sort of the astringent thing that you find in wine

[33:43] or tea this is our second Academy Award winner in yeah to be fair I don't I

[33:50] don't think she had won her Academy Award when they made borderlands yet

[33:53] right cuz she just won that is probably she did I don't know but I mean she's

[33:58] still a legend I mean she's so long so Tannis was supposed to kind of take

[34:07] care of Lilith after her mom was like like we see later on she's like there's

[34:14] some sort of siege that she can't it's one of these things where a secret has

[34:18] been kept from Lilith about what her mom was doing and her true identity for no

[34:23] reason only to create resentment and yeah and I feel like if Tannis had been

[34:27] played a little bit more absent-minded then maybe I would get that like it

[34:31] just didn't occur to her that yeah that she would want to know these things

[34:35] about her past but also why why is Tannis the person you're gonna leave

[34:38] your child with like that it does it there's it's one of these things what

[34:41] this movie is a lot of characters doing the things they need to do to keep the

[34:45] movie going so that it hits movie beats as opposed to doing things that make

[34:50] sense for them to do like there's a part where Lilith is like all right I guess I

[34:55] have to work with you guys because of that fight with Crimson Lance and it's

[34:58] like I don't see why like I don't know I don't see why you couldn't just take the

[35:01] girl and bring her back now or why you couldn't just tell Crimson Lance yeah I

[35:06] was trying to capture her when you guys showed up like I don't there's no

[35:08] there's a lot of uh there's a lot of just well I guess this is part of the

[35:12] part of the movie where I do this now you know yeah it's time to team up I do

[35:16] like how Tammy Lee Curtis as Tannis is dressed up kind of like a drum major

[35:21] she's wearing like a red little coat and with like like dr. Robotnik I really

[35:26] like that yeah well anyway this is the person who's supposed to sort of be a

[35:31] surrogate mom to Lilith but she left Lilith with trades people so she could

[35:37] continue her vault chasing ways she's been studying this for years and so here

[35:46] we learn also from Tina that Atlas created her like that Atlas is her

[35:53] father only in the sense that he is her creator that there was a piece of DNA

[36:00] from an Iridion on an old on the vault key that he used to clone an Iridion

[36:07] because you know an Iridion is who's supposed to be able to open the vault

[36:12] she is hit she is Atlas's child in the same way that like the Marvel characters

[36:17] are Disney's children you know I've been acquired rather than rather than a

[36:21] natural you know creation the miracle life you know Tannis has the

[36:29] information that the second vault vault key is in caustic caverns so that's

[36:35] where they got to go on their next fetch quest and meanwhile caustic caverns it

[36:39] sounds like something at like the itchy and scratchy land yeah yeah yeah

[36:45] meanwhile you know someone's seen claptrap in a sanctuary city and so they

[36:51] have to escape what's amazing here is okay we haven't mentioned claptrap very

[36:55] much and you would think that claptrap is not a visible presence in the movie

[36:58] as a result but claptrap is a constant constant nattering chattering presence

[37:03] in this movie yeah and he is impossible to forget for a second because he's

[37:07] constantly just wheeling up and we're like hey you guys and the scene where

[37:12] he's in Sanctuary City I don't know what he's just walking around going spare

[37:15] parts anybody got some spare parts and like hitting on a vending machine I

[37:19] don't know why he's there they just need to have someone see them so that they

[37:22] can be chased yeah but it's just what it's like that claptrap is such a it's

[37:27] just that he's such a through line for the movie but for note it's like if

[37:30] someone sees Star Wars and they're like yeah guess you got to have droids that

[37:33] are just kind of making noises and talking during the movie and it's like

[37:36] well are you gonna give the droids like a like much of a personality or like a

[37:40] thing that they do do you have to I don't think so well I mean I will say

[37:44] that like you know a funny guy and he's a talented voice actor like he's not

[37:52] doing a bad job with what this character is but they give him so much like he's

[37:56] talking all the time like you say and a little of claptrap goes a long way it's

[38:00] like it's the point is he's annoying when you go to it's like you go to a

[38:05] restaurant and on the menu it says like like a house sauce you know on the

[38:09] hamburger you're like all right I'll try that I guess and then you and it comes

[38:12] back and the sauce is covering the bun it's like the house goes cats yeah

[38:23] there's a laughing watermelon in the background that's off your fingers but

[38:28] there's but you are not allowed to forget for one moment that claptrap is a

[38:31] character in this movie like yeah it's just all over the place you know what

[38:35] make this scene better claptrap but I agree I jack like I think he's doing his

[38:38] best with with what they've given him yeah you know I feel nobody nobody in

[38:42] this movie is necessarily like completely sleepwalking through it but

[38:47] nobody is is given a lot to succeed with yeah yeah so uh we go into caustic

[38:54] caverns we they're they're immediately they can't get by because there's a bunch

[39:01] these bloodshot people there as the movie says they're psychos that the

[39:06] psychos are afraid of and there's a lair and they're like in blood and

[39:10] claptrap's like there's a zero percent chance we can get through without being

[39:13] detected you never see that which is actually pretty funny I like that and I

[39:17] like the part where he has to poop bullets and he's saying don't look at me

[39:21] we'll get there don't don't get to desert like the restaurant I said before

[39:28] I do kind of like I admit this next bit where they're like well did you run a

[39:37] thing where you're the distraction and the way he does the distraction where

[39:40] he's like even though it would make no sense for me to say this to all you

[39:44] violent people oh you know who will just shoot me if there's any other reason

[39:50] that I was making a distraction but then he like insults them in a very dumb way

[39:54] and a little bit of claptrap

[40:00] is a long way.

[40:01] Some of these moments where he actually is doing something and doing an actual joke as

[40:08] opposed to just doing schtick in the background is better, I would say.

[40:13] I think this sequence is, when they're being chased eventually by the blood shots, I think

[40:19] it's one of the better sequences in the movie.

[40:21] I think it does get across that idea, Stuart, that you were talking about from the game

[40:24] of like, there's just constant stuff coming at them.

[40:28] And as we said, it feels like the script and the dialogue is written by AI.

[40:33] The choice for this big action sequence to be set to Ace of Spades feels like an AI decision.

[40:40] Yeah.

[40:41] Yeah.

[40:42] We were watching this.

[40:43] They start attacking.

[40:44] They get caught.

[40:45] They start attacking.

[40:46] And Ace of Spades just comes in out of nowhere.

[40:47] It's non-diegetic.

[40:48] That's fine.

[40:49] And I had a brief moment of like...

[40:50] They weren't listening.

[40:52] It's not like they were listening to it.

[40:53] I had a brief moment of like, ugh, I love this song.

[40:57] Why isn't this movie?

[40:58] And I was like, you know what?

[40:59] There's some 14-year-old kid who thought Borderlands was going to be a real badass, kick-ass movie

[41:04] and went to go see it and is not enjoying it.

[41:06] And then at least it's going to introduce them to this song.

[41:09] The same way when I was 10, the young ones introduced me to this song and it just really

[41:12] blew my mind.

[41:13] So I was like, you know what?

[41:14] If this is just an Ace of Spades delivery method, then that's fine.

[41:18] I'm glad that you answered this question for me because while watching it, I had the question

[41:22] in my head.

[41:23] Okay, is Elliot sitting watching this being like, ugh, they used Ace of Spades in this

[41:30] dumb movie?

[41:31] Ugh, I hate this.

[41:32] Or is Elliot like, perking up because, oh, at least I get to listen to Ace of Spades

[41:36] for a while.

[41:37] No, there's a little bit of that.

[41:38] I mean, when I listen to Ace of Spades, I like to hear it without the sounds of ugh,

[41:40] boom, get out of here.

[41:41] Ugh, that's gotta hurt.

[41:42] Yeah, exactly.

[41:43] But no, it is fun.

[41:44] But honestly, it reminded me of when they played Ace of Spades in Shoot Em Up and I

[41:51] was like, oh, I wish I was watching Shoot Em Up.

[41:53] That's a movie that feels like it's doing something.

[41:55] But it also reminded me of when Whiplash, the Metallica song, plays in, was it That's

[42:00] My Boy?

[42:01] Whiplash?

[42:02] Oh.

[42:03] And this is what I think, in the movie Whiplash, I'm like, when are they going to play Whiplash?

[42:05] Like there's a drum, there's a whole drum sequence in that.

[42:07] But the, in the movie, that Whiplash plays, I think, in that Adam Sandler movie we watched

[42:11] years ago with him and Andy Samberg.

[42:13] And it flashed me back to that and I was like, well, I didn't like that at all.

[42:17] So I don't know, guys.

[42:18] I guess this, like Proust's Madeleine, more excuses for Stewart to drop some French on

[42:23] us.

[42:24] This brought back a lot of memories for me, but I will say Ace of Spades is going to survive

[42:28] fine from Borderlands.

[42:30] So it didn't.

[42:31] And I'd rather they play, here's the thing, I will say I'd rather they played one of the

[42:36] greatest kind of kick ass metal songs at all time, of all times during this action sequence

[42:41] than play an ironic kind of like a Dean Martin song or like, you know, like a children's

[42:47] song or something bright and fluffy.

[42:49] That's supposed to be an ironic counterpoint, like a 70s funk song or something.

[42:53] Yes, exactly.

[42:54] Like I did it like it wasn't like Argyle, you know, or and so and one of the things

[42:59] that were in and it didn't bother me as much as in Guardians when they're fighting those

[43:04] pig monsters and no sleep till Brooklyn comes up.

[43:06] And I was like, come on, dudes, like, can we have can we can we find a new song?

[43:11] Can we find a song that I haven't heard in another movie this year?

[43:14] You know, so.

[43:16] So you know what, guys?

[43:17] This is my my review.

[43:18] If my review of Borderlands was entirely about their use, the song Ace of Spades, then I'd

[43:21] probably give it a pretty good review, to be honest.

[43:24] Well, anyway, Claptrap, you know, having served as the having served as the distraction was

[43:32] shot the hell up.

[43:34] So then we get the teased pooping scene where he's like, like they've gotten through the

[43:39] first part of trying to evade these people without first wave detected.

[43:44] And suddenly he's making all this noise because he's expelling the extra lead from him, which

[43:50] is him shitting out bullets.

[43:53] And he says, as you said, don't look at me.

[43:56] And I didn't realize at the time, but I, of course, sent a screenshot from the Wikipedia

[44:03] page that this was like a seminal moment in the making of Borderlands or the conceiving

[44:09] of it.

[44:10] I'm going to read it to the audience who did not receive it in text form.

[44:15] It would be invasive, I think, if you had texted the entire audience.

[44:17] Yeah, I would have been liking that YouTube album.

[44:20] Eli Roth stated that his French bulldog pooping gave him inspiration while pitching the film.

[44:26] I have to look away because she gets really shy.

[44:28] But one day I filmed her.

[44:30] She had that shy look on her face.

[44:31] And I was like, that's Claptrap.

[44:34] A scene of Claptrap pooping was included in the final film.

[44:38] So there you go.

[44:39] Movie magic.

[44:41] A dog pooping turns into a robot poop.

[44:45] It's a real Shakespearean love moment.

[44:47] You know, just inspiring art, you know, from something.

[44:49] Yeah, exactly.

[44:50] You know, Ben Franklin put a kite up in the thing and got hit by lightning.

[44:54] That's exactly like this thing.

[44:57] He did put a kite up in the thing and got hit by lightning.

[45:00] I think you misunderstood the story a little bit.

[45:04] But that's the inspirational poster that I have in my dentist's office.

[45:09] The dentist's office.

[45:12] But yeah, this is Newton's apple or Newton's crapple, if you will.

[45:15] Oh, thank you.

[45:16] Well, anyone, anyone, any who.

[45:20] Him shooting, shitting bullets.

[45:22] Shooting bullets.

[45:23] Him shitting bullets.

[45:24] He's kind of shooting them at his butt.

[45:28] That raises the alarm.

[45:29] Again, just like that Megadeth song.

[45:30] Pooping bullets.

[45:32] Yeah, yeah.

[45:32] I don't know about you guys, but every time I go to the bathroom,

[45:35] every time I make a little poop, I make a little gun sound effect with my mouth.

[45:39] Just to keep it exciting.

[45:40] You know, just to be silly.

[45:41] I do.

[45:42] I do do the thing that I do.

[45:44] Sorry.

[45:45] I'm sure that many men do, though, where when you're peeing into a urinal,

[45:48] you pretend that you're a gunner who's firing like the anti-aircraft

[45:53] bullets at some guy.

[45:54] It's like a German plane or something, you know?

[45:57] Yeah.

[45:58] There's another scene of them evading people.

[46:01] They're chased.

[46:02] Roland has to stay behind.

[46:03] If you're asking if that means I don't pee just a stream,

[46:07] but instead individual bursts like, like, like, like, like, like, yes, of course.

[46:11] Yeah, yeah.

[46:12] OK, just stay behind to fix the elevator so the rest of them can escape.

[46:18] He promises that he'll return.

[46:23] So then they go to a new place, an old mine, a new place in the old mine.

[46:31] They put the two keys together to form a map to the vault.

[46:36] And Tanis reveals that Tina is the third key.

[46:39] And the vault will consume all the keys to open.

[46:43] We don't know what that means.

[46:45] She says, I don't think that means she'll die.

[46:47] But who knows?

[46:49] And Tina does not know that she may die when the vault is open.

[46:52] She's just super.

[46:53] She's like, I'm special.

[46:54] I'm going to open the vault.

[46:55] La la la la.

[46:56] You know, she just she's, you know, really, really.

[46:58] Actually, literally her lines, I believe.

[47:01] And then she skips around.

[47:02] Yeah, she skips around with her bunny ears on.

[47:04] Yeah, I'm like, ma'am, shouldn't you be in one of the Purge movies?

[47:12] Claptrap has fixed Atlas's transmitter, which little breaks again.

[47:16] But a drone shows up with his hologram saying the transmitter was a tracker.

[47:22] Yeah, transfer was a tracker.

[47:25] The Crimson Lance is going to come collect Tina and the keys.

[47:28] And Tina, of course, overhears only the most incriminating,

[47:33] easy to misunderstand part of this conversation and thinks that Lilith

[47:37] is still working for her, quote, unquote, dad and throws another useless bomb at Lilith.

[47:43] But just it does not Lilith off her feet for a moment, right?

[47:46] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[47:47] I'll say this for a little while.

[47:49] I'll say to Tina that a bounty hunter came and said to you,

[47:52] I'm here to take you back to your dad.

[47:54] And then within like 30 minutes, you felt like you were best friends.

[47:57] And then later, you think you found out that she's still working for your dad.

[48:00] This is on you, Tina.

[48:01] This is not you can't blame Lilith for this.

[48:04] Like, you know, shame on fool.

[48:06] You want shame on you.

[48:07] Fool you twice.

[48:08] Shame on me.

[48:09] It's it's you can't you can't do it.

[48:11] Yeah, this is this on you, Tina.

[48:13] Yeah.

[48:15] Claptrap briefly thinks.

[48:17] Also, where do you think she got that bunny bomb from?

[48:19] What do you think she was storing it?

[48:20] Yeah, Dan, I guess it's got to be the butt.

[48:24] Like you said before, it's the only place on the human body that things can be stored.

[48:29] And you and we've established that things end up in people's

[48:32] and characters butts in this movie because Claptrap just put all those bullets.

[48:35] Yeah.

[48:36] Yeah.

[48:37] Speaking of Claptrap, he's briefly excited to think that Lilith is dead.

[48:42] Tell us, Dan, what are we what are we talking about when we talk about Claptrap?

[48:47] Lilith in Lilith's old home, she finds a picture of her and her mom.

[48:53] Now, wait.

[48:54] Now, did they go to her own home or did?

[48:57] I'm not really sure why this happens.

[49:01] And I'll be honest, like.

[49:03] My notes are really caring as well.

[49:05] How it happens.

[49:07] I think there's a chance I got hit by a bunny bomb around here

[49:10] because it's all pretty fuzzy at this point in the movie for me.

[49:13] But this triggers.

[49:15] I will also admit, yes, it from from the middle of the

[49:18] from the middle of the as soon as Ace of Spades stopped playing.

[49:20] I think I also kind of found it hard to pay attention.

[49:23] Lights got a little bit dimmer.

[49:25] Yeah.

[49:26] Yeah, I listen.

[49:28] This movie is not a good movie all the way through.

[49:30] But I will say that I think I would say it's not a good movie even from the start.

[49:34] But but there's something about like the relentless like we're just going to throw

[49:39] a bunch of stuff at you and it's all going to be brightly colored, at least rather than like

[49:42] gray digital sheen like it kept my interest for a while.

[49:45] And then it did sort of become less and less interesting to me.

[49:49] I maybe around the time that the movie gets less colorful, to be honest.

[49:53] Yeah, being in more dark rooms.

[49:54] They start like just kind of being being sad or, you know, yeah, I don't know.

[50:00] I was wondering whether like those were parts of the research shoots because it does like

[50:04] there is a distinct shift in sort of the visual quality at a certain point and I don't know

[50:11] which part was which but anyway probably the parts that look cheaper probably came later

[50:18] yeah this triggers a hologram R2D2 style that to clear a few things up from Claptrap Claptrap

[50:26] shows my end of act two circuit has been tripped Lilith's mom shows up explaining that via

[50:36] hologram that she sent Lilith away on purpose because when she found out a quote what Lilith

[50:41] was and she programmed Claptrap to find her and protect her and tell her that she loves

[50:48] her okay this is the kind of stuff that might have been better communicated in say a letter

[50:56] that she could have taken with her sure earlier on as a but hey I've got I've got to make

[51:00] sure that Lilith knows that she's a spec that she's the chosen one and that I love her I

[51:04] guess I'll record a hologram and stick it in a robot and leave it on a different planet

[51:07] that Lilith is on in the hope that she finds it someday and I better make the robot real

[51:11] annoying yeah I feel like I feel like deep down most parents are just jigsaws in disguise

[51:16] you know they just want to make things complicated kind of do it in a way that makes her hate

[51:20] my memory how can I do that how can I make it how can I make her feel bad for hating

[51:26] me legitimately up to this point and this is uh and this is uh what's her name as the

[51:31] as the mom Haley Bennett I looked it up I never mind I thought it was somebody different

[51:35] can't remember what all she's been in but she's been never mind I thought it was someone

[51:39] else whose name I couldn't remember so um so at the vault opening guys you go into the

[51:44] big vault opening everybody's gonna be there um so Tina talks a lot about how special she

[51:50] is and of course that means that when she steps on the little vault thing the glowy

[51:54] vault thing nothing happens yeah uh turns out Atlas has been watching the whole time

[51:58] behind you know like a disguisey shield uh that is projecting hologram thing yeah stuff

[52:05] um and Atlas is like uh well we're just gonna kill you now and Roland also shows up he makes

[52:15] good on his promise to not die earlier in the film oh yeah so we he we did you meant

[52:18] did we mention that he seemed to have sacrificed himself in order to save them from yeah from

[52:22] the from the bloodshot psychos I did I didn't make a big deal out of it because we all knew

[52:26] that he was gonna come yeah of course there's no there's no way but the movie made it seem

[52:31] like we were supposed to believe he was he was gonna die there and really sacrifice himself

[52:35] right yeah do you think that they had originally had some shots of him being like torn apart

[52:39] by the blood shots and they had to cut those out probably when they decided to bring him

[52:43] back it would have been pretty funny if they they showed that him being torn apart and

[52:48] then when he came back he was had like big stitches stitching it back together like maybe

[52:52] that's better movie that'd be great I would love that he found dr. Frankenstein there

[52:56] on on Pandora yeah so guys here's my question about some of these movies yeah is the audience

[53:02] supposed to be fooled by some of this kind of schmuck bait stuff where this character

[53:07] is a cynical hard-bitten bounty hunter they definitely can't be the chosen one or oh he's

[53:12] giving his life we'll never see him again or are we supposed to be in a like just like

[53:17] well this is how movies go because now because here's my theory and then I want to ask you

[53:21] a question I'm gonna answer it my theory is they this movie originally I guess was supposed

[53:25] to be rated R and they were like no make it pg-13 or whatever for kids kids seem to be

[53:31] the only audience that I think would be able to follow this movie the way that it seems

[53:35] to be intended to the same way that when my older son saw the Pokemon detective Pikachu

[53:41] movie he the minute Bill Nye he showed up on screen he did not like me go oh that's

[53:47] the bad guy he's gonna turn out to be the bad guy later yeah so when that character

[53:50] was turned revealed to the bad guy he was like what like he was genuinely surprised

[53:53] by it did he have the same reaction when you guys watch Minority Report and he's like Max

[53:57] von Sydow he's gotta be the good guy you know what Dan you're gonna take you're gonna

[54:01] call you're gonna call uh uh protective services I've not yet shown Minority Report to my children

[54:07] but uh is it is it a is it kind of is the is the movie saying to the audience you know

[54:12] how this is gonna turn out or is the movie expecting us to be surprised when these things

[54:16] happen what do you what do you think well I first I want to call out the use of the

[54:21] term uh schmuck bait which is a term of art that I think that the audience probably can

[54:26] guess what it means it's an industry term yeah uh yeah it's the stuff that you lay in

[54:30] there that uh yeah it's supposed to fool people um but it's really only gonna fool people

[54:36] who have never seen a movie or television show yeah I think I don't think that you're

[54:43] gonna believe that Roland's really dead just because I don't know it's it's it is supposed

[54:51] to be a sacrifice but it's not lingered over that much and it's so cursory like it really

[54:56] feels like yeah yeah no he's gonna make good on this like I'll be back I do think that

[55:02] people aren't necessarily supposed to know like Lilith is really the one who's gonna

[55:06] be able to open the vault I think so that's because I do wonder that a lot because it

[55:10] seems so telegraphed from so early on but maybe that's just because we've seen so many

[55:14] movies that have a similar similar mechanic I don't know could be yeah is this the type

[55:19] of movie that's operating under the assumption that their audience has never seen a movie

[55:22] before and they're like oh wow this is so novel yeah I mean that's it are they training

[55:28] coming right at me are they expecting to the Paul Schrader audience where they've been

[55:35] raised not being allowed to see movies because they're strict Calvinist upbringing and so

[55:39] it's all new to them I don't know what did Paul Schrader think about this did he do a

[55:43] letterboxd review of it I'm sure he did we should track them I'm still delighted by the

[55:48] idea that that man went and saw twisters he loves movies he loves movies you know who

[55:54] loved Jurassic Park Ingmar Bergman people who love movies love movies you know Bobcat

[55:59] Goldthwait has talked about Martin Scorsese coming up to me going oh I really like shakes

[56:02] the clown like that like people who like movies like movies you know yeah that's true anyway

[56:09] so back at the vault Knox the captain of the Crimson Lance you know briefly is like you

[56:15] were right Roland and like tries to stand with him and immediately gets vaporized by

[56:20] guns from the ship which was pretty shocking actually but also but also why why is this

[56:27] the moment when she changes sides like what is she learning about her evil boss now her

[56:32] evil boss who has a private army that has he's been using to try to track down a child

[56:36] to open a vault like what I think it's because Atlas is immediately like I'm just gonna kill

[56:41] this kid I think I think that's it but it does it doesn't seem like that should be the

[56:47] final straw if she's you know I feel like the whole time she had been like let's capture

[56:52] these guys and then at this point he's just like kill them all and yeah yeah I could be

[56:57] it I'm gonna sign off on for that um Lilith comes in she's like hey I'm I'm the daughter

[57:04] of Aridia we get flashbacks to all the clues like we need them things like Gina Gershon

[57:09] being like your mom always told me you were special which is I mean people with very dumb

[57:16] children tell me that their kids are special exactly also at the moment when she teleported

[57:23] everybody to safety but Tina thought she was the one who teleported everyone to safety

[57:27] yeah that's that's a that's a clue you know she agrees to open the vault if Atlas leaves

[57:33] everyone alone and she also tells Tina memories are more powerful than anything Atlas can

[57:40] create which I don't that just seems like nonsense to me I don't know how that's true

[57:45] nope uh but the act of opening the vault turns Lilith into a champion she grows uh sort of

[57:52] these like plasma wings fire wings around her yeah she's like she turns into like a

[57:57] dark phoenix yeah she's the firehawk now and she's got superpowers and uh she's absolutely

[58:04] friends with protective plasma so they can't get hurt until Atlas uses his uh gun that

[58:11] previously vaporized a lady to shoot uh Lilith who of course being the firehawk is not killed

[58:17] by it but it does seem to hurt her yeah we don't know the level of her powers yeah it

[58:23] puts puts all of her uh support powers into cool down here's something something that that it just

[58:29] surprised me this happened because the whole chosen one thing was presented as she's the key

[58:34] to the vault there was never any mention of superpowers or that the iridians ever had giant

[58:40] rainbow colored flame wings or the ability to then give people bullet stopping body flames

[58:47] that protect them again some of this stuff looks great I think those wings look look the actual

[58:52] wing effects I liked a lot but uh yeah but it is it does come out of nowhere that this is it's not

[58:56] oh yeah yeah by the way the chosen one also is a superhero not just not just like keyed to this lock

[59:01] at this vault yeah it's yeah it's pretty boring I don't know about you guys I think this is pretty

[59:06] boring I mean it is pretty boring at the same time yeah any of this stuff that he was closer to the

[59:11] you know chosen one stuff is boring like I don't again I don't know what the game

[59:17] was like but it feels like some of this is oh this is how a movie has to be

[59:24] stuff that has been yeah laid on top of whatever that was but um the climax of movies now with

[59:30] heroes often is not oh this is when the hero is pushed to their biggest challenge and they've got

[59:36] to go the distance it is well this is the moment when the hero's power unlocks and then they get

[59:40] to just beat the shit out of everybody you know which is which can sometimes be very cathartic

[59:45] in a certain movie but yeah yeah like in sword of doom yeah like it's sort of do when he's when

[59:51] he's literally damning himself with his addiction to violence yeah very as he mows through one

[59:56] attacker after another yeah very much that's your stand-up and

[1:00:00] moment and the movement ends I look at it's not even like he wins Stuart is

[1:00:05] still his life is now just a never-ending battle he's he is you know

[1:00:09] he's achieved eternal damnation in a way but uh but yeah that is a there's a

[1:00:14] moment in um there's a moment in the iron giant which I always feel very

[1:00:18] cathartic when the giant finally unleashes and is just walking through

[1:00:22] troops and blowing up tanks because Hogarth has been hurt and it's it's

[1:00:26] pushed him over the edge but that's not like the end of the movie the end of the

[1:00:29] movie is him them making the sacrifice to and possibly destroy himself taking

[1:00:34] out that missile to save everybody and it feels like the current the modern

[1:00:37] version of that movie which would just end with him mowing down the army and

[1:00:40] Hogarth being like that's my friend you know and that would be the you know

[1:00:47] rather than him rejecting his violent nature yes or at least or something

[1:00:52] difficult like having to do something that is difficult for him that may harm

[1:00:56] him in order to save other people you know anyway when last we left off

[1:01:00] Lilith she was being buffeted by guns from the the ship which was you know

[1:01:06] hurting her a bit but she manages to take the ship down stronger than ever

[1:01:12] Atlas has Tina makes makes Lilith take them into the vault where there's like a

[1:01:19] bit of a face-off but not much of anything honestly how could there be

[1:01:24] Atlas is literally just a dude and yeah take it away by now the they were the

[1:01:30] you know Redeemer of Souls you know yeah he's taken away by a tentacle monster

[1:01:35] who like why is he in the vault I don't know I don't care

[1:01:38] there's a tentacle monster out there it'd be very funny if they were like oh

[1:01:41] yeah the prophecy also mentioned there might be a tentacle monster in the vault

[1:01:44] but yeah it's just a monster yeah yeah anyway so after that they're having a

[1:01:48] big Ewok celebration. We see all the wonders that are in the vault right mmm

[1:01:52] there's like some glowy stuff just a bunch of boxes it seems right yeah

[1:01:56] floating boxes glowy Tron floor yeah that's I feel like that's the thing

[1:02:02] Atlas at that point is like worth it baby yeah anyway as I was saying by then

[1:02:09] everyone's singing yup yup no yeah that night exactly well I guess that now it's

[1:02:16] like it's this sort of vague like the balance is back because they have a

[1:02:19] they've opened the thing the riches are theirs like they have a protector you

[1:02:25] know outsiders aren't gonna be plundering their world or whatever why

[1:02:28] are outsiders not gonna be plundering their world all that stuff is the fire

[1:02:31] birds back baby why aren't the Vault Hunters like that the Vault Hunters on Pandora aren't still

[1:02:36] going after that stuff it's like they're celebrating they're celebrating like

[1:02:39] Elliot shut up shut up they won all right and the people of Pandora know

[1:02:44] this like they're aware of this personal thing like it's a they got an

[1:02:49] amber alert or whatever cuz then they're like what does that sound like sounds

[1:02:55] like peace let's keep it going and it's like what is peace of what like what

[1:02:59] yeah anyway I don't know it seemed like nobody's seen that that like to have

[1:03:02] that much of an issue with Pandora except Lilith yeah point so but anyway

[1:03:06] like the movies ends with like Tina basically being like I don't know she's

[1:03:11] like Winona Ryder at the end of Beale Street like do the thing the thing in

[1:03:16] this case being that like Lilith goes up into the sky with her wings and turns

[1:03:20] into a big firebird in the sky and then credits and we get a brief credits thing

[1:03:25] that Stuart may or may not have seen where a clap trap is dancing but the

[1:03:30] scrolling of the the names and the credits pushes them off screen which was

[1:03:35] you know kind of fun I guess like as those things go it was pretty short I

[1:03:40] mean this movie gets a lot of credit for me for not setting up a sequel yeah

[1:03:43] well maybe the sequel would be the stuff that you're talking about where Pandora

[1:03:47] is still under you know attack from very just it's just full of people who are

[1:03:51] trying so I the they they were going for the idea that Pandora is like this

[1:03:57] lawless chaotic you know wasteland you know it's this Mad Max type land and

[1:04:02] then at the end something happens and everyone's like hey let's get along with

[1:04:05] each other and I'm like I don't know I don't really know what happened I don't

[1:04:08] understand why yeah the same time I don't want to watch more of the movie so

[1:04:11] it's not like I'm saying movie explain this to me yeah well as long as we're in

[1:04:17] that zone let's get into final judgments whether this is a good bad movie a bad

[1:04:21] bad movie or movie we kind of like I am going to say that it's a bad bad movie

[1:04:26] but Roman Mars was right doing the show for decades has warped my brain and on

[1:04:34] the sliding scale of the stuff we've we watched like this movie is a disaster in

[1:04:38] a lot of ways but it's a way that kind of charmed me more than other movies

[1:04:43] because you rarely see a big budget movie with big stars that feels this

[1:04:51] like chopped up and slapdash and you know like something really went wrong

[1:04:57] and like I said some of the brightness of it appealed to me some of the really

[1:05:03] bad effects in it I was like yeah giggling at the way they looked you know

[1:05:07] like there was more fun in this movie to be had than I was led to believe but I

[1:05:11] wouldn't you know tell anyone to watch it or anything yeah I would say this is

[1:05:16] a bad bad movie it's like it's kind of charming to see a crummy video game

[1:05:21] adaption by people who don't seem to forget how to make movies and also what

[1:05:26] makes video games fun but what I will say is that like compared to something

[1:05:30] like the fucking what are those rebel moon movies which is I feel like the

[1:05:35] closest equivalent to this that we've seen recently I would watch a million

[1:05:40] borderlands over yes rebel moves like rebel moons are so like overly serious

[1:05:44] garbage and this at least moved relatively quickly I will can I will

[1:05:50] join Stuart and damning this with the faintest praise possible which is yes I

[1:05:54] would rather watch it than the rebel moon movies but but it's similar to rebel

[1:05:59] moon movies to me and that it feels like it makes me it's a bad bad movie to

[1:06:03] me it makes me sad watching this movie because it feels like well this is the

[1:06:06] kind of movie not to sound like Martin Scorsese you know that that old that old

[1:06:09] superhero hating geezer you know but that uh this is the kind of movie that

[1:06:14] is getting made a lot now where it's like there's no reason to make it it's

[1:06:18] not it's not doing anything fun or interesting it just kind of fills that

[1:06:22] fills the plate and and hits the checkpoints and I kind of miss the world

[1:06:27] we used to live in where a borderlands movie would get made and it would be a

[1:06:31] mid to low budget kind of like fly-by-night movie just trying to cash

[1:06:36] in on a name maybe there's one famous British actor in there playing like the

[1:06:41] king of the borderlands or something to give it a little bit yeah Brian Blessed

[1:06:45] yeah Brian Blessed or like or Ralph Richardson or something like that or you

[1:06:49] know Peter O'Toole and it's and and then everyone else is just kind of like young

[1:06:54] actors that are trying to catch their break and it's really slapdash and it's

[1:06:58] made really fast and as a result they might stumble into something really fun

[1:07:02] and something really like neat and original and interesting in a way that

[1:07:07] will stick in like a kid's mind when they see it in the middle of the day on

[1:07:11] HBO you know or something like that yeah and it's it's it's just sad to me that

[1:07:15] instead the version of borderlands that we get is like it's kind of like it is

[1:07:20] it is kind of slapdash but just kind of like derivative and and pull off other

[1:07:23] things and a lot of people who should be making more interesting stuff are

[1:07:27] instead kind of spending their time on this and you know it's just kind of like

[1:07:31] a it was hard for me to watch it and not see it as a as an indication of a larger

[1:07:36] problem with with my beloved movies right now you know but that's enough of

[1:07:41] me on my that's enough of Caitlyn's Corner Soapbox you know on a score of

[1:07:46] one to five exploding bunnies I give it one exploding bunny okay well this

[1:07:54] podcast the Flophouse is made possible in large part by members of the max fun

[1:08:01] community who give every month to help it keep going but we also have a couple

[1:08:08] I want to thank those right thank you I want to thank them thank you members

[1:08:11] dearly dearly thank them it may surprise no one to learn that my

[1:08:17] newsletter doesn't pay the bills. This is your personal newsletter. Yeah we also have some

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[1:09:26] website or domain hey guys you ever notice how the days are getting shorter

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[1:10:18] of things to do. I don't know about you guys, but I end up having to run into the

[1:10:21] bar a lot during the day, and I don't have a lot of time to always get lunch

[1:10:27] stuff prepared, so it's nice to have a Factor to provide me easy to make

[1:10:32] options that I can take with me on the go. If you're like me, head to

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[1:10:54] 50% off your first box plus free shipping while your subscription is

[1:10:58] active. Hey everybody, we also have some live shows coming up. Well, one live show

[1:11:04] coming up, and then other kind of live on your computer shows. We are going to be

[1:11:08] appearing in person. That's right, we're appearing in person on Sunday January

[1:11:13] 19th at Cobb's Comedy Club as part of the San Francisco Sketch Fest. We're

[1:11:18] going back to San Francisco, that's right, to the Sketch Fest. We're gonna be doing

[1:11:22] an all-new show, and we're gonna be talking about one of the biggest flops

[1:11:26] in film history. Dan, what's that flop we're talking about? It's called Cutthroat

[1:11:31] Island. It's all about pirates. It's all about pirates. Remember how pirates were

[1:11:35] really big after Pirates of the Caribbean? There was a movie before that

[1:11:38] that did not have that effect on the American popular culture. It's the

[1:11:42] opposite, in fact. Yes, so go to sfsketchfest.com where you'll find the

[1:11:48] schedule, and I think there's some tickets still available. That's San

[1:11:51] Francisco Sketch Fest, Sunday January 19th, 7 p.m. at Cobb's Comedy Club, 7 p.m.

[1:11:56] Pacific Time, of course, because it's in San Francisco. Don't show up at 4 p.m.

[1:12:01] thinking it's 7 p.m. Eastern. You might want to get in line, right? You want to

[1:12:06] get in line at 4 p.m. so you can show off your cosplay and all that stuff. Yeah, show off

[1:12:11] which one of us you're dressed up as, or one of the Cutthroats, perhaps. And you're

[1:12:14] gonna tailgate, right? You're gonna tailgate, you're gonna cook out of

[1:12:17] hibachi. Right there on the street in San Francisco. And we will hopefully do

[1:12:23] more live shows this year, but we don't have any others lined up at the moment.

[1:12:27] So this is your chance, if you are in the Bay Area, to see us live, Sunday January

[1:12:31] 19th. Go to sfsketchfest.com. If you are not in the Bay Area, and you want to, or

[1:12:36] maybe you're in a different Bay Area, like Green Bay, that's a different Bay

[1:12:38] with a different area. Maybe you just like Old Bay. Yeah, maybe you just like Old Bay.

[1:12:44] Yeah, that could be it. Well, anyway, what I'm getting at is... That's what I call Dan. Dan's my Old Bay.

[1:12:50] We are also still doing Flop TV, as you may have heard at the top of

[1:12:55] this show. Flop TV Season 2 continues. There's two more episodes left. That's

[1:12:59] our one-hour televised version of The Flophouse, the first Saturday of every

[1:13:02] month. That's at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, the first Saturday in January and

[1:13:06] February. Every episode this season is about a sequel, and this next episode on

[1:13:11] January 4th, we're going to be talking Ski School 2. Uh-oh, we're getting into the ski school franchise. Yeah, finally a good movie. We'll be talking Ski School 2. There's going to be a

[1:13:21] presentation. There's going to be video components of some kind. We've been

[1:13:24] having a lot of fun with this season. I think people have been really enjoying it.

[1:13:27] The videos have been driving us a little mad, as you may have seen from the last

[1:13:31] couple, just a descent into insanity. I can't guarantee... I'm doing the one for

[1:13:36] January 4th. I can't guarantee it's going to be quite as bizarre as Stuart and Dan's

[1:13:39] recent ones have been. Can't make it to the show at that time, January 4th at 9

[1:13:44] p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific. That's okay. Your ticket gets you access to the video

[1:13:48] recording of the show through the end of February. All videos will stay up to the

[1:13:51] end of February when they will come down and go back to The Flophouse vault to be

[1:13:55] found by a vault hunter thousands of years from now, who's the Chosen One, a

[1:13:59] child of Danridia. And so, you might want to get a ticket, or you might

[1:14:04] also want to get a season pass. A season pass is six episodes for the price of

[1:14:07] five, and again, it gets you access to all the videos for all the episodes. Why

[1:14:11] not? Why not just binge it? Just binge the whole season when it's all over. Why not?

[1:14:15] We can't stop you. So, that's Flop TV, season 2, next episode, January 4th. And

[1:14:20] for tickets, go to theflophouse.simpletics.com. I also want to mention

[1:14:26] one of my own things, guys. Can I mention one of my own things? I'm still writing the

[1:14:30] Harley Quinn comic series for DC Comics, so that's coming out once a month. Check

[1:14:35] your local comic book stores. Harley Quinn from DC Comics. I pre-ordered the

[1:14:40] eventual collection because I'm not one these days to keep up on

[1:14:45] individual issues, unfortunately, but I do want to read this. I understand. As long

[1:14:49] as you're paying money for it, that's all I care about. Mm-hmm. How sweet. What a

[1:14:54] sweet sentiment. Oh my gosh, hi. It's me, Dave Holmes, host of Troubled Waters, the

[1:15:06] pop culture battle to the ego death. Okay, everybody, word association with

[1:15:11] Troubled Waters. First one to fumble loses. Go. Comedy. Panel show. Guests.

[1:15:17] Celebrities. Games. Oh, sound rounds. Improvised speeches. Puns disguised as

[1:15:22] trivia. A very niche Flash Gordon clip. Javel Rowan. Oh, no, Riley, I'm sorry. She

[1:15:29] will not return our phone calls. I am afraid you're out. A girl can dream. Oh,

[1:15:34] but dreaming will not earn a girl any points. Troubled Waters. Listen on Maximum

[1:15:39] Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Yucky Jessica. I'm Chut Crudsworth.

[1:15:48] And this is Terrible. A podcast where we talk about things we hate that are awful.

[1:15:53] Today we're discussing Wonderful, a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network. Host

[1:15:59] Rachel and Griffin McElroy, a real-life married couple. Yuck. Discuss a wide range of topics.

[1:16:06] Music, video games, poetry, snacks. But I hate all that stuff. I know you do, Yucky

[1:16:13] Jessica. It comes out every Wednesday, the worst day of the week, wherever you

[1:16:17] download your podcasts. For our next topic, we're talking Fiona the baby hippo

[1:16:22] from the Cincinnati Zoo. I hate this little hippo. Let's move on to some

[1:16:28] letters from listeners. This first one is from James Last Name Withheld. James

[1:16:32] Hetfield, yeah. Who writes, Hey Peaches, long-time listener, first-time writer,

[1:16:39] shamelessly attempting to appeal to Elliot's special interest. This is at

[1:16:43] least half a brag, but I sometimes appear in my friends' pornographic videos.

[1:16:48] What? On a recent occasion, we shot a scene in a hotel room and I left on the

[1:16:54] bedside table the paperback copy that I was currently reading of Robert Caro's

[1:16:58] masterpiece biography of Robert Moses, The Power Broker. What a funny thing to

[1:17:04] bring to a porn video shoot. It was visible in a large number of shots and once I

[1:17:09] realized that, it was hard to focus on anything else while watching the video.

[1:17:12] Sidebar, I could tell that Elliot was like, What? Is he saying that porn is my

[1:17:17] special interest? No, we're getting on to, of course, The Power Broker, the porn of

[1:17:22] books. Man, that's so great that there is this porn that I can just send to Elliot as a

[1:17:27] Christmas gift. That's perfect for the holidays. Track it down. So my question,

[1:17:34] since I don't think you're a cryptan. I just hope it doesn't get pulled off of YouTube as a copyright infringement thing.

[1:17:38] Yeah. I don't know, guys. I don't know where porn is. So my question, since I don't think you're a cryptan,

[1:17:48] am I the first person to put The Power Broker in a porn video? But I am

[1:17:52] curious about that as well. You know who's the only person to be able to do the

[1:17:57] research for that? Who? Robert Caro. True. He has the sassity. Has there ever been a prop or

[1:18:05] piece of set dressing in a movie that drew your attention totally away from

[1:18:09] the things you're supposed to be paying attention to by its specificity? I'm not

[1:18:14] talking about that's a Pokemon toy in the medieval setting or anything that

[1:18:18] belongs in IMDb's goof section. I mean things that could validly be in the

[1:18:23] place they're shot, but that nevertheless distract you personally. Thanks. James

[1:18:29] last name withheld. And I gotta admit, I put this in thinking it was a great

[1:18:33] email. I don't necessarily have a great answer to it because I know that this

[1:18:37] has happened to me. I know that I'm like distracted by something like oh I've got

[1:18:40] that thing or I but I can't think I mean it's not the same thing as it being so

[1:18:51] specific or weird but I remember watching Mad Men and being like those

[1:18:55] are the exact same rocks glasses I have. Look at it. Don Draper's drinking out of

[1:18:59] the same glass as me. You're like I'm like Don Draper. I'm like yeah I should be

[1:19:03] called Dan Draper. You should be called Dan Draper. I don't know if this fits

[1:19:08] into the goofs thing because I the one the thing that came to mind for me was I

[1:19:14] mean partly it's whenever you see whenever I see a movie that's shot in a

[1:19:17] place that I know where like if I see a movie that's shot in Park Slope in

[1:19:20] Brooklyn it's like it distracts me because I'm just thinking about my

[1:19:23] memories of that of that neighborhood where I lived for so long but the in the

[1:19:28] movie 40 year old virgin he's supposed to be like a big comic book nerd or

[1:19:31] something and he has framed comic books on the wall and the what the comic books

[1:19:34] they chose are unless he worked on those comics there is no reason to frame them

[1:19:39] they're just kind of random books that somebody put in a frame and then slapped

[1:19:42] on the wall and that did really distract me because I was like why is he like why

[1:19:46] is that the book he chose to frame and put on the wall it's just a random thing

[1:19:50] like are they autographed maybe maybe they're autographed I mean that's it you

[1:19:53] mean he never gets close enough to them I guess I have to check the DVD special

[1:19:57] features to see maybe there's a

[1:20:00] scene where he is doing close-ups and taking them on to like Antiques Roadshow

[1:20:05] or some shit yeah I would say I don't know if there's the same thing but any

[1:20:09] I'm very distracted anytime I see like a glass brick wall in a movie like ideally

[1:20:15] in a bathroom or something because that's just the coolest thing in the

[1:20:18] world just the height of class yeah oh yeah there was also a scene I recently

[1:20:23] watched the movie Thelma and there's a scene where Parker Posey is riding in

[1:20:29] the passenger seat of a car and she is wearing a pair of sunglasses over her

[1:20:33] normal glasses and she is wearing them in such a way that I'm like that I'm so

[1:20:37] this is the coolest thing I've ever seen I can't remember I may have said this on

[1:20:43] the podcast before but my like online bad movie watching crew like they will

[1:20:48] shout out GBA on the chat glass brick alert whenever one shows up because I

[1:20:56] mean particularly low-budget movies there's a lot I mean I I was watching

[1:21:04] the there's this there's this old thriller with James Spader and Rob Lowe

[1:21:09] called bad influence where James Spader plays like a buttoned-up guy who meets

[1:21:14] like a bad influence in a bar and he goes to a downward spiral it is so funny

[1:21:19] at that point in time it felt like it made sense for James Spader to be the

[1:21:24] to be the bad influence and James Spader's apartment is in LA and it's

[1:21:29] like it's like everything is glass brick walls it's crazy there's also a scene

[1:21:33] where he goes to they go to like a club with like performers dancing on

[1:21:38] everyone's table and they're like playing skinny puppy or some shit it's

[1:21:42] pretty good it's crazy movie guys it's a I believe that's an early Curtis Hansen

[1:21:47] movie that's you're you believe correct yeah this next letter is from Rob last

[1:21:53] name withheld Rob Lowe have you guys seen my movie bad influence I was trying

[1:21:59] to be the normal guy they're like nope nope be the weirdo we're not weird right

[1:22:05] you know the bad guy the bad guy yeah hi peaches I was re-listening to episode

[1:22:11] firestarter 2022 and another listener Matthew mixed a song from a mini episode

[1:22:18] called flophouse the movie I was only a half listening so instead of hearing

[1:22:23] palm trees jet skis I heard palm trees Skeksis ala the Dark Crystal

[1:22:30] it made me think of them soaking up the Sun in California and then also maybe

[1:22:45] riding jet skis this then immediately led my imagination to think of you guys

[1:22:49] talking about Freddy and Jason's vacationing on Fire Island hey are those

[1:22:55] jet skis over there mm-hmm yeah it's got to be like poker or something right do

[1:23:02] you think do you think they made a lot of those noises for the same reason that

[1:23:06] like anime has a lot of those noises because you know Dark Crystal originally

[1:23:10] was not supposed to be in English like Henson was like we'll have it all in

[1:23:15] fantasy language and then they saw it coming like no no Jim can't do it like

[1:23:20] this so maybe there's extra noises because they have to like match the lip

[1:23:24] flap maybe I don't know maybe it feels a little bit more it feels a little bit

[1:23:29] more natural than it does sometimes the anime where they're like what did you

[1:23:32] say we have to go over there and then we have to do this huh you know like that's

[1:23:35] the yeah yeah this then immediately led my imagination to think of you guys

[1:23:40] talking about Freddy and Jason the vacation in Fire Island with Pennywise

[1:23:43] and the Babadook oh I couldn't stop laughing myself on the train my question

[1:23:47] where do you think famous movie monsters and villains we'd like to get some R&R

[1:23:52] love the show Rob last name withheld I mean I feel like they're always going to

[1:23:57] New York or space right you think those are tourist destinations yeah I guess

[1:24:03] they turn into work work trips right yeah that's the problem is it's hard to

[1:24:07] get away from like the jigsaw says that he wants to just get away and not have

[1:24:11] to do the work and make decisions but he can't hit once he goes on vacation he

[1:24:14] just can't help himself you know he just he doesn't know how to relax anymore

[1:24:17] luckily there's a whole hotel just for monsters it's in Transylvania yeah yeah

[1:24:22] and they apparently also didn't go on a cruise together even though that seems

[1:24:26] like a bad place for mini monsters to be yeah it's true a lot of Sun you know

[1:24:34] feels perfect right yeah for him sure the whole family that's involved there

[1:24:41] though maybe not so much maybe not I'm sure there's some some of those monsters

[1:24:44] have trouble being around running water you know to be surrounded by the ocean

[1:24:47] is probably not great yeah they can't cross it but maybe yeah it's tough I

[1:24:53] mean like then how do they get on with the gangplank like you got across some

[1:24:56] water there right I mean maybe they just we should watch Last Voyage of the

[1:25:00] Demeter maybe that'll yeah that's not the questions that we're asking anyway

[1:25:07] that's what we call the letters let's move on to recommendations recommendations

[1:25:15] of course movies that might be a better use of your time than borderlands than

[1:25:21] borderlands you know what I was like looking at my oh you know what I want to

[1:25:29] recommend I want to recommend a movie called Drive from 1997 not the not the

[1:25:36] Nicholas winning Ruffin Drive but from 97 there was a movie called Drive that

[1:25:41] starred let me I'm gonna I gotta check on the is it license to drive is that

[1:25:47] the movie or no it's just is it drive my car yes no it's just drive the the lead

[1:25:54] is Mark Dacascos hell yeah yeah he you may have seen him most recently in John

[1:26:03] Wick 3 probably as the the bad guy like nice bad guy he's he also plays he also

[1:26:11] plays Manny and he put Mark Dacascos plays Manny and Brotherhood of the Wolf

[1:26:17] right yes and Brotherhood of the Wolf it also has Kadeem Hardison who I of

[1:26:24] course think of as Dwayne Wayne from a different world but is always sort of

[1:26:28] charming when he shows up never had the career that I think he probably could

[1:26:31] have had if he was a little more fortunate but it's a buddy comedy one

[1:26:36] year before rush hour you got this you know this black guy in LA teaming up

[1:26:42] with a with a martial arts master to fight some baddies and it's just a lot

[1:26:48] of fun it is a fun action comedy very silly didn't get a lot of attention

[1:26:55] because it was released straight to HBO was it was produced direct-to-video

[1:27:00] Brittany Murphy also shows up for a little while to remind us about that is

[1:27:04] that she's not around anymore because she does a great job it's just like a

[1:27:08] fun silly action comedy of a kind that I'm like oh I you know sometimes I feel

[1:27:14] like I've seen all of like the good stuff in that vein like the really like

[1:27:19] popcorn II fun shit from the past and it's nice to know like there's still

[1:27:23] stuff out there to find that is maybe a little more under the radar so I would

[1:27:29] look it up it is like so many things on Tubi's so yeah I'm gonna recommend a

[1:27:36] movie that I saw with Dan McCoy as a matinee the day before Thanksgiving

[1:27:43] which shows how long it's been since we've recorded one of these full

[1:27:45] episodes I'm recommending one of my favorite movies of the year Luca

[1:27:50] Guadagnino's queer starring mr. Daniel Craig you might know him as a Jimmy Bond

[1:27:57] and this is a this is a adaptation of a Burroughs short Burroughs novel and I'm

[1:28:08] not familiar with the right source material yeah but yeah it's a it's like

[1:28:20] I found it to be a really in a year when he Guadagnino also made or had

[1:28:25] challengers released it's so great to see him kind of falling back kind of

[1:28:30] into his like sweet spot of this like kind of smaller story that is filled

[1:28:37] with characters that have like intense longing and a desire for connection and

[1:28:43] like all these great little like physical and like character moments but

[1:28:49] it also like this one is also like like less immediately satisfying than

[1:28:53] something like challengers I just found to be a really beautiful movie that's

[1:28:57] really well acted and really interesting what do you think Dan I liked it a lot

[1:29:03] it's a yeah Jason Schwartzman is also very fun he is a supporting part yeah he

[1:29:11] provides this like weird sort of grounding of like a more normal guy but

[1:29:17] still silly like it's still a funny like weird guy in his own way but he's he

[1:29:22] also provides a lot of warmth in a supporting part yeah it's a it's a very

[1:29:27] interesting movie in that like it doesn't have a lot of plot thrust but I

[1:29:32] found myself really engaged by just the main characters sort of desperate need

[1:29:38] for connection so check it out it's queer yeah I was going to recommend

[1:29:44] something similar it's also about the need for connection between between

[1:29:48] people who are otherwise lonely this is the new Wallace and Gromit movie which I

[1:29:52] took my kids to see a screening of yesterday it's called Wallace and Gromit

[1:29:55] vengeance most foul and it was I'm a

[1:30:00] of those, their stuff in those movies. The last one that they had done, A Matter of Loaf

[1:30:04] and Death, which was years ago, I was not such a fan of. It seemed like it didn't quite

[1:30:09] have it. But this one, I found it was just super fun and super funny and had a lot of

[1:30:14] that Walson Gromit, Aardman, Nick Park inventiveness that is the hallmark of the series. It moves

[1:30:22] fast and doesn't get weighed down. It's got lots of fun sequences in it and the animation

[1:30:27] looks great and it was great seeing those characters again. So if you want to see something

[1:30:31] that is going to be fun, then why not check out Walson Gromit, Vengeance Most Vowel when

[1:30:37] it's available. I've been looking forward to that one. I want to see it. I really enjoyed

[1:30:41] it a lot. There are a number of sequences in it where I'm like, oh yeah, this is top

[1:30:45] Walson Gromit stuff. That's three recommendations I'm pretty excited about. Hey, this has been

[1:30:54] the Flophouse. That's how we end it, right? This has been the Flophouse. It's been a while

[1:30:57] since we've actually been recording one of these things. It's been a while since we started

[1:31:00] the show and identified what this show is. Yeah, I like to reset right at the end. What

[1:31:06] was I listening to? Oh yeah, the Flophouse. The Flophouse is on the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:31:13] If you go to maximumfun.org, you can find other great podcasts on the network about

[1:31:18] all kinds of different stuff. I'm sure if you like this, you might find another one

[1:31:22] there that you like as well. Why don't you check it out? Our producer is Alex Smith.

[1:31:28] He does a great job for us. Happy holidays. Holidays, Alex. Thank you so much. You can

[1:31:35] find him online as HowlDotty, which is the name under which he makes a lot of music.

[1:31:42] He does some Twitch streams. Check his stuff out. And I guess that's it for the Flophouse.

[1:31:48] I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kaelin. OK. Bye. Deuces. What?

[1:32:03] On this episode, we discuss Borderlands. Sort of an unconventional remake of the movie

[1:32:18] Badlands. Let's retake that only because I think you said the word a little weird. Unconventional.

[1:32:27] I did. It was an unconventional way of saying unconventional.

[1:32:32] Maximum Fun. A worker-owned network of artists-owned shows. Supported directly by you.

Ep. #440 - Borderlands

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