FH Mini 118 – Getting to Know Stu

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] Hi, floppers. Before we start this episode, I just wanted to remind you we are in the middle of FlopTV Season 2.

[0:06] That's right, the one-hour internet televised Flophouse TV show is here for you the first Saturday of every month through February.

[0:14] Just go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com and get your tickets or season pass for this all-new Flophouse TV stuff.

[0:22] We're covering movies we've never covered before. We've got video segments. It's amazing.

[0:27] Just go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com for FlopTV Season 2. This time, it's personal.

Dan McCoy

[0:37] Hey, everyone, and welcome to a Flophouse Mini.

[0:41] Of course, as you know, normally this is a podcast where we watch a bad movie and then we talk about it.

[0:47] But on the weeks in between those weeks, we just kind of do whatever in these Flophouse Minis.

[0:53] Now, for this one, Elliot couldn't be here.

[0:57] What?

[0:58] Has some important business on the moon or something. I don't know. I don't know what the, you know, he's got, I don't know.

[1:06] Some other funny thing.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07] Some other business on the moon.

Dan McCoy

[1:11] Sampling cheese.

[1:12] He could not be here.

[1:14] So, this is a rare occasion.

[1:17] It's just the two of us.

[1:19] Oh, wow.

[1:19] Me, Dan McCoy, and you.

[1:21] Stuart Wellington.

[1:22] And because we don't usually have this intimate one-on-one time.

[1:27] That's true, yeah.

[1:28] I thought, what better time to get to know my old friend Stuart.

[1:32] Oh, wow.

[1:33] In a segment I call Getting to Know Stu, Getting to Know All About Stu.

Stuart Wellington

[1:38] Because normally when we spend time together, it's usually at a movie, and we're not allowed to talk.

Dan McCoy

[1:45] Yeah, or it's afterwards where we're mostly talking about the movie we saw.

[1:50] That's true, yeah, yeah.

[1:51] Describing a lot of male friendships here.

[1:55] It's funny, though, because it's funny you bring up movies, because this is primarily a movie podcast.

[2:02] That's true.

[2:02] Although I'm getting to know you with some questions, all the questions I'm going to ask you today actually are famous movie quotes that are questions.

[2:11] Wow, okay.

[2:13] A little extra wrinkle.

[2:14] So, to begin in this Getting to Know You segment.

[2:20] Getting to Know Stu segment.

[2:21] Yeah, Getting to Know Stu.

[2:23] Stuart.

[2:25] You talking to me?

[2:27] You talking to me?

Stuart Wellington

[2:30] Yeah, I mean, there's no one else here, so I must be talking to you.

[2:34] There's two microphones, one for each of us.

[2:37] Yeah, yep.

[2:38] That's who I'm talking to.

[2:39] I'm talking to Dan McCoy, everybody.

[2:41] Thank you.

[2:42] And you, the listeners.

Dan McCoy

[2:43] For identifying me.

[2:46] Second question I'd like to ask you.

[2:50] What's up, Doc?

Stuart Wellington

[2:54] I mean, I've been thinking about that a lot, Dan.

[2:57] What's up, Doc?

[2:58] The thing is that it's weird, because I don't think I've ever asked an actual doctor that question.

[3:10] And I feel like that's the sort of thing that, like, they probably get asked all the time.

[3:14] Like, everybody, like, whenever the doctor comes into the waiting room or the examination room, how many dads are like, what's up, Doc?

[3:24] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:25] I mean, certainly if a dad has a child who becomes a doctor, that's a goldmine.

[3:30] Oh, my God.

[3:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:31] I mean, not only do they get all the bragging rights at their, I don't know, fantasy baseball league.

[3:38] Canasta game.

[3:39] Yep.

[3:40] A lot of.

[3:41] These are elderly parents.

[3:42] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3:42] A lot of, what, baby boomer parents are playing Canasta until their hearts collapse under a weight of, I don't know, red meat and a lifetime of cognac and red meat consumption.

Dan McCoy

[3:57] Yeah.

[3:57] Well, I mean, I'm not sure we got an answer to what's up, Doc, but we can certainly move along.

[4:03] Okay.

[4:03] Well, I got another question for you, Stuart.

[4:06] Uh-huh.

[4:07] Why so serious?

Stuart Wellington

[4:10] I mean, that's a good question.

[4:11] I mean, Dan, have you been paying attention to the news lately?

Dan McCoy

[4:15] I've actually been trying not to.

[4:17] Actively not to.

[4:18] Yeah.

[4:18] That's arguably the healthier option right now.

[4:21] Shutting down.

Stuart Wellington

[4:22] I would also say part of the reason why I'm so serious is because I'm the eldest of two sons.

[4:29] Uh-huh.

[4:30] I'm the more responsible of two brothers.

[4:32] Uh-huh.

[4:33] I was a soccer goalkeeper.

[4:35] That was the position, and I played a fairly high level up until college.

Dan McCoy

[4:40] You're saying that's a position of responsibility.

Stuart Wellington

[4:42] It's a position of responsibility.

[4:43] Yeah.

[4:43] Because I am responsible, if the other team scores, no matter what, I still feel like it was my fault.

[4:50] Yeah.

[4:51] So, to give you – so, I've always been one to volunteer and take responsibility for things and then feel bad about things.

Dan McCoy

[5:00] So, you think you've internalized that sort of soccer goalkeeper mentality over the years?

Stuart Wellington

[5:05] Like, it's almost like life is the ball, and I'm trying to keep life from – wait, now, let me change that.

[5:12] Now, hold on.

[5:12] Something bad is the ball, and life is the net, the goal.

Dan McCoy

[5:16] I'm not sure about that because I heard that life is like a box of chocolates, and I don't think it can be two things.

Stuart Wellington

[5:21] Is that one of your later questions, or is that just a quotable you pulled out of thin air?

[5:26] It's a quotable quotable.

Dan McCoy

[5:28] I've noted it, and I quoted it.

[5:30] Yeah.

[5:31] Okay.

[5:31] Well, that's good to know.

[5:32] Here's an actual incisive question here.

[5:38] If you work for a living, why do you kill yourself working?

[5:42] Oh, man.

[5:43] What movie is that from?

[5:44] That's from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.

Stuart Wellington

[5:46] Oh, that's – I assumed it was like Empire Records or some shit.

[5:52] Oh, so –

Dan McCoy

[5:56] I mean, that's –

[6:00] Oh, I think the emphasis really helped on that one.

Stuart Wellington

[6:02] Thank you.

[6:03] And the facial expression.

[6:04] I would say for me, me, Stuart, if I work for a living, the thing is that I am in the

[6:12] rarefied position to get to do kind of the job that I want and be my own boss, which not

[6:20] a lot of people are lucky enough to do.

[6:22] And so, at least if I'm killing myself working, I'm like working – doing a job that I like

[6:30] or jobs that I like for the most part.

[6:34] And it's for myself.

[6:36] So, at least like – I don't know.

[6:38] Like, I'm not working to enrich someone else.

Dan McCoy

[6:41] Yeah.

[6:42] And now, I don't want to depress anyone.

[6:43] You know, this is – admittedly, it's a good idea, this premise, but it can get a little

[6:48] thin.

[6:49] So, I will ask a few follow-up questions that are not actually movie quotes.

Stuart Wellington

[6:54] I mean, if all your follow-up questions were movie quotes, I would be fucking very impressed.

Dan McCoy

[7:02] Yeah.

[7:02] Do you find – do you like that you do a thing that you – I mean, like, obviously, it's

[7:06] better to do a thing that you enjoy than to not do a thing you enjoy.

[7:09] Yeah.

[7:10] But on the other hand, I have found that one problem with doing something you love is you

[7:15] slowly stop loving the thing that you're doing.

[7:18] That's –

[7:18] Because it's work.

Stuart Wellington

[7:19] I mean, that's a good point.

[7:20] Like, I try to keep a couple of things – a couple of my hobbies somewhat separate.

[7:25] Yeah.

[7:26] But the big thing is that I know that no matter what, I have a tendency to take the job I

[7:36] have seriously and I would – as I said before, I am likely to volunteer for responsibility

[7:43] and that – with that responsibility comes, like, taking your work home with you.

[7:47] And I feel like if it wasn't – if I was doing something that I didn't like, I would

[7:51] be taking a shitty thing home with me.

[7:53] Yeah.

[7:55] And I would be stressed out about it all the time for no good reason.

[8:01] At least when I'm stressed out about things, I can be like, well, I'm stressed out for

[8:04] a good reason.

Dan McCoy

[8:05] No, it's true.

[8:06] Of the choices, it's better.

[8:08] I think I – there's part of me that the longer I do stuff like this, I forget how

[8:13] miserable I was doing other stuff.

[8:15] And I romanticize the idea of, like, well, what if I had a job I didn't have to care

[8:18] about?

Stuart Wellington

[8:19] Yeah.

[8:19] I mean, I think that's the thing, right?

[8:20] Like, it's similar to, like, the – like, thinking back, like, oh, man, I wish I could

[8:27] go back to a time where I had more time to, like, hang out with my buddies and play role-playing

[8:30] games all night.

[8:31] But the thing is that I didn't have any responsibilities then.

[8:35] Yeah.

[8:35] And I like having those.

[8:37] I like having things – I like having people to rely on me.

[8:41] I like having – you know, I like feeling like I'm supporting people, like – and that

[8:47] I'm helping people.

[8:49] Yeah.

[8:50] So that's – and that's the thing is, Dan, we do make jokes about the fact that you won't

[8:56] enjoy a job that you hate and you also won't – you'll be sad when you get a job you love.

[9:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:04] Here's a question for you, and maybe this doesn't apply, but –

[9:07] This is a subtitle for this whole episode.

[9:13] Maybe this doesn't apply, but have you checked the children?

Stuart Wellington

[9:20] I mean, I – you know, I'm pretty hip, although I feel like I'm reaching the stage where I don't – by

[9:29] check the children you mean, am I staying up with the younger generation?

[9:32] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[9:33] Let's say that because, you know, there's no other –

Stuart Wellington

[9:34] As a man with no children and no intention to breed or bring children into this dying planet,

[9:42] not to get too heavy, but I – the younger generation, I mean, I was a little bit – this

[9:49] recent election was a little bit of a wake-up call.

[9:51] I didn't quite realize how generally conservative or how – that there is a conservative streak

[9:57] amongst the younger generation.

[9:59] I feel like –

Dan McCoy

[10:01] There's a lot of media out there designed to radicalize people, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[10:05] That's – I think you're right.

[10:06] You're correct.

[10:06] I'm not trying to – I think there's – I think I had this, like, weird optimism that, like,

[10:13] everybody younger than me is going to be, like, pushing – trying to push for a better world

[10:18] as opposed to not.

[10:21] But have I – I don't know.

[10:24] I think more and more I hear music and I'm like, who the fuck is this?

[10:31] Why am I supposed to know who this famous person is?

[10:33] Why is this person famous?

Dan McCoy

[10:34] I was going to bring this up because I thought it was very funny recently.

[10:37] Like, the degree to which you seemed angry, not at the person at all, but, like, angry,

[10:41] like, at the world of, like, wait, am I supposed to know who Chapel Rohn is?

[10:46] Like, the thing is, like, as Audrey and I told you, like, she became famous extremely fast.

[10:51] She, like, became famous literally within the course of her tour and then had to, you know,

[10:56] had problems dealing with it that I respect, you know.

[10:59] Yeah, yeah.

[10:59] But it was very funny to me.

[11:01] I'm like, well, oh, oh, oh, Stuart's – Stuart's hitting it.

[11:04] He's getting old.

Stuart Wellington

[11:05] The thing – the part of it is – I think part of it is that a lot of the time – like,

[11:09] it's because a lot of the way that I encounter these things, a lot of the way that the information

[11:14] gets to me is through a platform like Twitter.

[11:17] So, I mean, I'm seeing the, like, Stan culture.

[11:21] Mm-hmm.

[11:22] And there's a – I feel like there's a disconnect in my brain because all of a sudden,

[11:28] the only thing I'm hearing about a person are people who are huge, like, wild fans of

[11:35] them.

[11:35] And I'm like, oh, wow, this is – this must be something – this must be, like, a cultural

[11:40] force that I could never even comprehend.

[11:43] And then when I experience them, I'm like, oh, yeah, that's – it's a pop star.

[11:45] That's cool.

[11:46] Yeah.

[11:46] Like, I'm no real critical complaint here.

[11:51] I'm just like – and, yeah, a lot of times it feels like it's things that are happening

[11:56] very fast.

[11:57] Also, or, like, I just saw the ad for, like, the Country Music Awards, and I'm just hearing

[12:01] names, and I'm like, I've heard of none of these people.

[12:05] No, that's – it's almost like a fucking bit for me at this point where I'm like – and

[12:10] that's not a critique of them.

[12:11] It's a critique I'm like, wow, I've heard none of these names.

[12:15] This all – these all could be made up.

[12:17] This all could be a joke.

Dan McCoy

[12:18] I mean, like, this is sort of topical to the month we're recording in, November, but it's

[12:24] a fun thing that I think happens for me every year with the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade

[12:30] where I'm like –

[12:31] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] When they list the names up top, I'm like, okay.

[12:34] I mean –

[12:35] Do I not know these because they're, like, so new and hot, or do I not know these because

[12:39] these are the people that – the weird grab bag of people that the Macy's Thanksgiving

[12:43] Day Parade gets, like, some of whom –

Stuart Wellington

[12:46] Yeah, I mean, it's Snoopy, Dan.

[12:47] You know who Snoopy is.

[12:48] Oh, you mean Joe Cool?

[12:50] Yeah.

[12:50] Whoa.

[12:51] They let Joe Cool be in the parade?

[12:53] I know.

Dan McCoy

[12:55] Let's see.

[12:55] Okay.

[12:56] Well, here's a question for you.

[12:57] Okay.

[12:58] Shoot.

[12:58] What's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss?

[13:02] Ugh.

Stuart Wellington

[13:03] That's actually – man, that's actually a question I'm going to have to look at.

[13:08] I feel like I don't –

[13:09] Deep records?

[13:10] I do.

[13:10] Yeah, yeah.

[13:11] I have a little binder.

[13:13] I – I'm trying to think if I – I've never been much of a gambler.

[13:18] Have you been a gambler?

Dan McCoy

[13:19] Do you –

[13:21] No.

[13:22] I find it stressful and upsetting, the idea of doing – I mean, like, I – if I did win,

[13:31] I know that, like, I would probably then become, you know, too into it and lose more than I want.

[13:39] Like, the only gambling I've ever done is, like, there have been a couple times I've been to Vegas

[13:42] and I did what, like, people said, which is, like, set aside, like, this is a certain amount

[13:48] that you are absolutely willing to lose and you know that it's just a tax you're paying

[13:53] to the idea of doing some gambling while you're in Vegas and then stop.

[13:58] And, you know, it's not –

Stuart Wellington

[13:58] Yeah, but what about those NFTs you invested in?

Dan McCoy

[14:01] Well, those, Stuart.

[14:02] That's not a gamble.

[14:04] Those are just appreciated.

Stuart Wellington

[14:05] Yeah, and you're more of an art collector.

[14:08] Yeah, I feel like I – when it comes to – I feel, first off, I have to say, like, of all the addictions

[14:14] out there, I feel like for some reason I find, like, gambling addictions to be the worst.

Dan McCoy

[14:20] Well, I mean, it's certainly one of the quicker ways to ruin your – I mean, like, alcoholism

[14:25] obviously is bad, but, you know, it'll take a while, you know, whereas gambling –

[14:30] And what a ride.

[14:31] Very quickly.

[14:33] I don't – yeah, it's not one that I've, like – there's, like, upsides to other addictions

[14:38] that I don't quite understand with gambling.

Stuart Wellington

[14:40] Yeah, I mean, I guess maybe I just haven't gotten the rush, you know.

[14:44] Yeah.

[14:45] When it comes to gambling, I like the activity-based stuff, but I'm not a – I wouldn't – I don't

[14:53] know if, like – I wouldn't – I'm not, like, a card – not really a card player unless

[14:59] it's got, like, fantasy characters on the cards.

[15:02] I'm not a slot machine person.

[15:03] I like craps because it's, like, an activity where, like, everybody's standing around the

[15:08] table, like, shouting.

Dan McCoy

[15:10] Well, you probably wouldn't bet on a coin toss because it lacks a certain verve as a

[15:14] game.

Stuart Wellington

[15:14] That's true.

[15:16] Again, like, unless those coins, like, look really cool or there's, like – they have,

[15:20] like, characters involved.

[15:21] Yeah.

[15:22] But that's, like, a JoJo's Bizarre Adventure-type character.

Dan McCoy

[15:25] Well, here's a good question for you, Stuart.

[15:26] Yeah, please.

[15:27] Let's really dig into it.

[15:28] Fire away.

[15:29] Dig into the deep stuff.

[15:31] I want to ask you, who are you going to call?

Stuart Wellington

[15:36] I mean, on Sundays, I call my parents.

[15:40] Setting up a weekly phone call with them has been very good for the structure of our

[15:43] relationship.

[15:45] Outside of that, not a lot of people.

[15:47] I don't like to make phone calls.

[15:48] I feel like that's – do you remember, like, when I was, what, like, a teenager up through,

[15:56] what, like, 20 or so, which is, I guess, the definition of teenager.

[16:00] I, like, I would call my friends all the fucking time.

[16:04] Yeah.

[16:04] And now, if one of my friends called me, I'm like, who died?

Dan McCoy

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:09] Other than my parents, I would say that the last time I spent a long time on a phone call

[16:16] with anyone, and I'm going to sound very old because I'm going to use the word courting,

[16:20] was when Audrey and I were courting.

[16:23] Yeah.

[16:24] But, like, you know, I was away during Christmas back home.

[16:28] We had just gotten together.

[16:30] That was the last time there was an extended phone call to anyone who was not my folks,

[16:35] I think.

[16:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:37] Unless you count, like, Zoom calls for the podcast, which I don't.

Dan McCoy

[16:42] I mean, I guess this podcast is kind of a phone call to all of you listeners out there.

Stuart Wellington

[16:46] Yeah, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[16:48] One side is – it's more like you have, like, the wires have crossed,

[16:52] and you're listening in on someone else's phone call.

[16:54] Like a frequency situation, yeah.

[16:56] Yeah.

[16:56] Well, here's a question for you, and, you know, I'm a little concerned.

[17:01] Sure.

[17:02] What is your major malfunction, numbnuts?

Stuart Wellington

[17:05] Oh, yeah.

[17:06] Well, that's fair.

[17:07] I mean, numbnuts, that's a classic put down,

[17:10] and it's one that I – it's a title that I wear with a certain fatalistic pride.

[17:16] Keep your nuts really numb.

[17:18] Keep them numb.

[17:19] It's because my underpants are too constricting, and it cuts off the circulation.

[17:25] So, what is my major malfunction?

[17:27] Let's see.

[17:29] I just, like, I would say my major malfunction is that I just care too much.

[17:35] Okay.

[17:36] I mean, you've got the job, Stuart.

[17:38] You're already my co-host.

[17:40] You don't need to.

[17:40] Oh, yeah.

[17:40] Okay.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:42] But, yeah, I'm just, like – I just, like, I take my work home with me and, like –

[17:46] It's too cool.

[17:47] Yeah, I'm too cool.

[17:49] Like, I'm too professional sometimes.

[17:51] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[17:52] All right.

[17:53] Well, maybe we'll revisit that in the future.

[17:57] Just one more question before we take a brief break, of course.

[18:00] Sure, of course.

[18:01] And that question is, what's in the box?

Stuart Wellington

[18:05] What's in the box?

[18:06] I would say hope.

[18:09] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[18:10] The thing with feathers.

[18:12] Yeah.

[18:12] All right.

[18:13] Well, we're going to take a little break for sponsors, for some Flophouse business, and we'll be right back.

S4

[18:24] All right.

[18:25] We're over 70 episodes into our show.

[18:27] Let's learn everything.

[18:28] So let's do a quick progress tech.

[18:30] Have we learned about quantum physics?

[18:33] Yes.

[18:33] Episode 59.

[18:34] We haven't learned about the history of gossip yet, have we?

[18:37] Yes, we have.

[18:38] Same episode, actually.

[18:39] Have we talked to Tom Scott about his love of roller coasters?

[18:42] Episode 64.

Stuart Wellington

[18:43] So how close are we to learning everything?

S4

[18:46] Bad news.

[18:47] We still haven't learned everything yet.

Stuart Wellington

[18:49] Oh.

S4

[18:50] We're ruined.

[18:51] No, no, no.

[18:52] It's good news as well.

[18:53] There is still a lot to learn.

[18:55] Woo!

[18:56] I'm Dr. Ella Hubber.

S5

[18:58] I'm regular Tom Lum.

S4

[18:59] I'm Caroline Roper.

[19:00] And on Let's Learn Everything, we learn about science and a bit of everything else, too.

[19:04] And although we haven't learned everything yet, I've got a pretty good feeling about this next episode.

[19:09] Join us every other Thursday on Maximum Fun.

S5

[19:12] People say not to judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree.

Dan McCoy

[19:16] Which is why here on Just the Zoo of Us, we judge them by so much more.

S5

[19:21] We rate animals out of 10 in the categories of effectiveness, ingenuity, and aesthetics, taking into consideration each animal's true strengths.

[19:28] Like a pigeon's ability to tell a Monet from a Picasso or a polar bear's ability to play basketball.

Dan McCoy

[19:34] Guest experts like biologists, ecologists, and more join us to share their unique insight into the animal's world.

S5

[19:41] Listen with friends and family of all ages on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[19:54] The Flophouse is sponsored in part by Aura Frames.

[19:58] Let's be honest.

[20:00] What most people really want from the holidays is to see their favorite people more often.

[20:05] Fa! Fa!

[20:06] On these commercial goods, they say.

[20:07] My favorite people more often.

[20:11] That's why this year, the best gift you can give, besides plane tickets, is an Aura digital picture frame.

[20:18] Which was named the number one digital photo frame by Wirecutter, which, in a ranked list, is the finest ranking.

[20:27] Aura Frames are incredibly smart and easy to use, allowing you to upload unlimited photos and videos directly from your phone to the frame.

[20:36] Plus, you can order the frame online and preload it with photos and videos using the Aura app, so it's ready to go right out of the box.

[20:45] You know, my family has a text chain.

[20:50] Actually, it's a messenger chain.

[20:53] I sent them a lot of photos of our, what do you call it?

[20:58] A vacation.

[20:59] That's what we did.

[21:00] We had a little vacation.

[21:01] I sent my parents photos on there because I know that they don't check Instagram.

[21:06] And they were delighted to see them.

[21:07] Are they going to go back and check those photos again to see their loved ones having fun out there in the world?

[21:14] No.

[21:14] But if you put them in an Aura digital frame, then they're there.

[21:18] They'll pop up.

[21:19] They'll look over.

[21:19] They'll smile.

[21:21] It's the perfect way to share your life with family when you're away from your family.

[21:25] So, save on the perfect gift by visiting AuraFrames.com to get $35 off Aura's best-selling Carver Matte Frames by using promo code FLOP at checkout.

[21:39] That's A-U-R-A frames.com promo code FLOP.

[21:44] This deal is exclusive to listeners, so get yours now in time for the holidays.

[21:50] Terms and conditions apply.

[21:52] And now, some Flophouse-specific plugs.

[21:57] We're going to be back in San Francisco for San Francisco Sketch Fest in January, which is going to be just a little more than a month away as you hear this.

[22:07] We'll be there on Sunday, January 19, 2025, performing at Cobb's Comedy Club at 7 p.m.

[22:16] And breaking news, we've decided on the film we'll be discussing Cutthroat Island, the legendary flop that killed pirate movies until Pirates of the Caribbean briefly revived them before killing them again brutally.

[22:31] So, if you want tickets to see us, do our usual hilarious presentations.

[22:35] Hilarious.

[22:36] Hilarious, guys.

[22:38] Hilarious.

[22:38] It's right here in what I wrote down, so it must be true.

[22:40] The presentations are hilarious.

[22:43] And talk about Cutthroat Island.

[22:45] Go to sfsketchfest.com for tickets.

[22:51] And meanwhile, if you don't like leaving the comfort of your home, you can still see us quote-unquote live on Flop TV.

[22:59] The next live stream will be on January the 4th when we discuss Ski School 2 at 6 p.m. Pacific, 9 p.m. Eastern, appropriate for the season.

[23:11] Winter, we'll be talking skiing.

[23:14] The bane of my knee.

[23:16] Tickets at theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[23:19] But season pass holders can watch all of the previous shows on demand until the end of February.

[23:25] The most recent one we did was about Highlander 2.

[23:28] We had some tech issues live, but those have been edited out of the replay for smooth viewing.

[23:35] Apologies to those who were live.

[23:38] Thanks for sticking with us to see the unhinged special report that I contributed.

[23:43] Tickets again at theflophouse.simpleticks.com where they are $7 per show or get a season pass with a price break.

[23:52] Pay only $35 for all six shows.

[23:55] And one last thing while I've got you.

[23:59] Please go to flophousepodcast.com to sign up for our newsletter, Flop Secrets, which is the best way to keep up on all of our appearances and projects.

[24:09] And to get extra content that's just for fun.

[24:12] In the most recent one, I gave my plane report.

[24:16] It has become established.

[24:18] Flophouse lore.

[24:19] Thanks to the ribbing of my co-hosts that my favorite way to watch movies is on a plane.

[24:25] And thus, in honor of that, I was on a plane recently.

[24:27] I thought it would be fun to give a full rundown and review of the media I consumed.

[24:32] And that is the sort of useless, hopefully mildly amusing nonsense you can get in the Flop Secrets newsletter along with useful nonsense about our projects.

[24:41] So, again, go to flophousepodcast.com, plug your email into the field that says newsletter, and enjoy getting something extra delivered to your inbox twice a month.

[24:53] Now, back to my intimate one-on-one with Stuart Wellington.

[24:59] And we're back.

[25:00] We're, of course, getting to know Stu.

[25:03] That's me.

[25:04] Getting to know all about Stu.

[25:05] Still me.

[25:06] With some movie-based questions.

[25:09] Sure.

[25:10] Some icebreakers.

[25:11] Cold from the movies.

[25:12] And here's a question I want to ask.

Stuart Wellington

[25:13] This is a real Homicides the Box episode.

[25:18] Oh, that's what's in the box.

Dan McCoy

[25:20] Yeah.

[25:20] Okay.

[25:21] Here's a question for you.

[25:24] Judge me by my size, do you?

Stuart Wellington

[25:27] That's true.

[25:29] I mean, I don't think that's true, Dan.

[25:32] I don't judge you by your size.

[25:35] I like your size.

[25:38] Okay.

[25:39] I guess that's a judgment.

[25:42] So, no.

[25:44] I would say, no, I don't.

[25:46] And, in fact, I am disappointed that you would suggest that I would.

[25:50] Not even because I don't lift?

Dan McCoy

[25:53] You don't judge me by my size?

Stuart Wellington

[25:55] No, not everyone lifts.

Dan McCoy

[25:57] It's not the life for everybody.

Stuart Wellington

[26:00] Lifting weights is an activity that I like.

[26:02] It is an activity that also messes with my body dysmorphia because as I get bigger in the, like, chest and shoulders, shirts don't fit.

[26:13] And I'm like, oh, no, am I gaining weight?

[26:15] Or when I had to change my style of pants because my thighs had gotten too big from squatting and deadlifting.

[26:24] But, you know, so, no, I don't judge people by their size.

[26:27] Don't.

Dan McCoy

[26:28] I mean, look, I know it's a psychological issue.

[26:30] I can't just tell you not to do that.

[26:32] Thank you.

[26:33] But don't worry about it, man.

[26:36] This is, here's a question.

Stuart Wellington

[26:38] Oh, wait.

[26:38] I just should not worry about it?

Dan McCoy

[26:40] I fixed it, right?

Stuart Wellington

[26:40] Well, yeah, I've never considered I could just stop worrying about it.

Dan McCoy

[26:45] Look, it's an expression of concern and affection.

[26:49] Here's a question for you.

[26:52] And it's got a, there's a corollary question.

[26:54] Here's, first off, you want the truth?

[27:00] Here's a corollary follow-up.

[27:04] Do you think you can handle the truth?

Stuart Wellington

[27:05] Well, that's, I think that's ultimately the thing.

[27:07] I can, I guess I, you know what?

[27:13] I think I can handle the truth and I sometimes avoid it because, you know, it's, it's not always easy to deal with harsh realities sometimes.

[27:26] Certainly these days.

[27:30] But, uh, I feel like everyone, like, I feel like everyone can kind of handle the truth despite that.

[27:35] Like, I feel like as much as we might want to avoid it or certainly might want to soften things when talking to somebody, uh, I think, I think we have a tendency to underestimate people's ability to handle, uh, difficult information.

Dan McCoy

[27:49] They can handle it.

[27:50] I would say that, uh, people are, um, built a lot of the times, unfortunately, to try and avoid the truth.

[27:57] Yeah.

[27:57] But, uh, I think that, uh, here's, here's a, here's a bit of, uh, vaguely Eastern philosophy.

[28:04] Sure.

[28:05] Okay.

[28:05] You learned this at yoga.

[28:07] I think pain is caused by struggle.

[28:10] Uh-huh.

[28:11] I think it's better to accept the truth, to steer into the truth, than to try and, uh, push it away.

[28:17] Because it's always going to cause more trouble.

[28:20] Yeah.

[28:20] That's a good point.

[28:21] Uh, here's a, here's a question.

[28:23] Okay.

[28:24] What?

[28:25] Oh, man, I got the Quizzler on my hands.

[28:28] Here's a question.

[28:29] What is it that gives me joy?

[28:32] What is it that gives you joy?

Stuart Wellington

[28:34] I would say, uh, some routine.

[28:39] I would say, uh, space to practice, uh, things that you are good at.

[28:47] I would say, uh, people who support you and, uh, make an effort to show you that they, that you're meaningful to them.

[28:57] Um, yeah, I think that's, uh, I think that's a good start.

Dan McCoy

[29:01] Stuart, this is a really dumb, thin idea that I came up with.

[29:08] And yet, like, you're going to make me cry.

[29:11] Because I'm like, you know what?

[29:12] That's pretty incisive.

[29:15] You did a good job.

[29:17] Oh, bless you.

[29:18] Uh, here's a question.

[29:20] Who's the fairest one of all?

Stuart Wellington

[29:22] Uh, I mean, uh, yeah.

[29:27] I mean, it's probably me.

[29:29] Oh, wow.

[29:30] I mean, I'm the one with the most in-depth skincare routine, I think.

[29:34] Sure.

[29:35] Uh, and, uh, I have, uh, you know, that's, and, uh, you know, I spend a lot of money on my hair.

Dan McCoy

[29:44] I, you know, I'm staring at this question.

[29:46] I'm, like, thinking about the, like, the upsetting sort of racial implications of Snow White.

[29:52] Yes, yes.

[29:52] Snow White, and she's the fairest one of all.

[29:55] She's not the prettiest one of all.

[29:56] Yeah.

[29:57] It is the fairness of her skin that makes her desirable.

[29:59] Yeah, that's true.

[30:01] Upsetting.

Stuart Wellington

[30:02] Yeah, and my skin is fair because I, uh, I sleep during the day and go out at night as a bartender.

Dan McCoy

[30:08] And what's fair is foul, and foul is fair.

[30:11] Oh, wow.

[30:12] You got me there, Dan.

[30:13] Finally got me.

[30:14] This ain't you old school.

[30:15] Okay, lock me up.

[30:17] Um, here's, here's an important question.

[30:21] Mm-hmm.

[30:21] And you know, you know it's important because it starts Archie's, uh, Archie's rubbing his face all over your empty kind bar wrapper.

[30:29] Yeah, he's like, eight grams of protein.

Stuart Wellington

[30:31] I'll be the judge of that.

Dan McCoy

[30:33] Uh, here's a, you know this is an important question because it starts with a plea to ask yourself a question.

[30:40] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[30:41] Do I feel lucky?

[30:42] Well, do you, punk?

[30:44] Well, I mean, I don't like being called a punk.

[30:48] Um, do I feel lucky?

[30:49] I mean, yeah, I do.

[30:50] I do feel lucky.

[30:52] Uh, I, uh, you know, I have, uh, I have a lot of people in my life that love me and I feel supported and I get to do the job that I like to do.

[31:04] And I'm lucky enough to have an audience, uh, some of whom have already turned off this episode, but that's fine.

[31:11] They're Elliot fans.

[31:13] They're Elliot fans, yeah.

[31:14] Uh, they're like, I want to hear movies.

[31:16] I don't want to hear this guy talk about his life.

[31:18] Um, uh, but, uh, yeah, I, I feel lucky and, uh, you know what?

[31:23] I can handle being called a punk now and then.

[31:25] All right.

Dan McCoy

[31:27] Uh, so here's the next one is, uh, could you describe the ruckus, sir?

Stuart Wellington

[31:35] Um, yeah, I mean, let's see.

[31:38] Uh, let's, how would I describe?

[31:41] How would you describe the ruckus?

[31:42] How would I describe the ruckus?

[31:43] Well, uh, there would be hooting and hollering, of course.

[31:48] There would be, uh, there'd be pots clanging.

[31:53] There would be, uh, glass breaking, maybe chains rattling.

[31:58] Ooh, spooky.

[31:59] Uh, uh, floorboards creaking.

[32:03] Um, let's see.

[32:05] How else would I describe it?

[32:06] Uh, wind whistling.

Dan McCoy

[32:09] Are you sure this isn't just a Halloween sound effects LP you're describing?

[32:13] Uh, a witch cackling.

[32:15] Okay.

[32:16] Bubbling brew.

[32:17] Oh yeah.

[32:17] Bubbling.

[32:18] That's the craziest scary sound.

[32:21] Ooh, what's cooking?

[32:23] Is it me?

[32:23] My fucking tea's ready?

[32:26] Um, this, this question is a sort of a biological sort of, uh, query.

[32:32] Okay.

[32:33] Yeah.

[32:34] Do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?

Stuart Wellington

[32:39] That's actually a really good question.

[32:42] Um, what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightning?

[32:46] I'd imagine something very unique and different than when something else gets struck by lightning.

[32:51] But I don't remember the exact answer.

[32:55] Maybe we'll have to turn on, what is that?

[32:57] X-Men?

[32:58] Yeah, that's.

[32:59] Storm for that one?

Dan McCoy

[33:00] X-Men.

[33:01] You know, I read that apparently that was supposed to be, among other things, like,

[33:06] like, there's, there's been some talk of like, well, did you deliver it the best way for

[33:11] like that kind of, but among other things, that apparently was supposed to be the end

[33:15] of a runner of like, toad was supposed to say a bunch of stuff like, you know what happens

[33:20] when a toad does this?

[33:21] And then that was like the punchline.

[33:23] Oh.

[33:24] And then all the setups got cut?

Stuart Wellington

[33:26] No, that's too bad.

[33:27] Was Ray, uh, what is it?

[33:29] Ray Park?

[33:30] Ray Park.

[33:31] Uh, I don't think he has any lines in that movie, huh?

Dan McCoy

[33:35] Uh, maybe.

[33:36] I can't remember that.

[33:37] I don't remember the first X-Men well.

[33:39] I don't think I've seen it since back in the day.

Stuart Wellington

[33:41] I don't think I've seen it wits to do, to dub in all his lines.

Dan McCoy

[33:44] Uh, here's a question that's actually, you know, this is sort of interesting because it's,

[33:49] uh.

Stuart Wellington

[33:49] Wait, when do you hear that news?

[33:50] Is there like a X-Men newsletter?

Dan McCoy

[33:53] Yeah, I have a Google alert for toad and lightning.

Stuart Wellington

[33:56] No, I, you know, in the course.

[33:57] Was that like one of those like grocery store aisle, like memorial issue, X-Men, the movie,

[34:03] all the facts.

[34:03] Where are they now?

Dan McCoy

[34:04] I cannot speak to the veracity or the opposite of this factoid.

[34:11] Like this, this is a factoid in the original sense of the word, which is a fact that may

[34:15] or may not be true.

[34:16] Like, uh.

[34:18] Yeah, listeners, write in.

[34:19] Tell us if this is true.

[34:20] I, in the, in the course of looking around for questions for this episode, I came across

[34:24] that.

[34:25] So, um, this question is actually, uh, interesting because it's phrased in the negative.

[34:30] Oh, interesting.

[34:31] Okay.

[34:32] Are you not entertained?

Stuart Wellington

[34:37] Um, no, I'm, I'm enjoying this process.

[34:40] I think this works.

[34:41] Uh, wait, I think that's, I'm waiting my, did I double negative it?

Dan McCoy

[34:46] Uh.

[34:46] That's good because I am, I am intaking you for Scientology.

[34:49] This is the true Scientology.

[34:51] Oh, no!

[34:51] That actually would, uh, yeah, that would make sense.

[34:53] That would be amazing.

[34:54] Yeah.

[34:55] I mean.

Stuart Wellington

[34:56] Not good.

[34:57] Not good, but amazing.

[34:58] Go back and, yeah, go back and, uh, change all those.

Dan McCoy

[35:01] Okay.

[35:01] So you are entertained.

[35:02] That's good to, uh.

Stuart Wellington

[35:03] Uh-huh.

[35:03] Yeah, yeah, I'm, I'm into it.

Dan McCoy

[35:05] Okay.

[35:06] Well, I do have one final question.

[35:08] Okay.

[35:09] Before we, uh, close up.

[35:11] Oh.

[35:12] The old movie question bag.

[35:15] And that is, I'm funny how?

[35:19] Funny like a clown.

[35:20] I amuse you.

[35:22] I make you laugh.

[35:23] I'm here to fucking amuse you.

Stuart Wellington

[35:25] Mm.

[35:26] Yeah, so I would say you're not funny like a clown.

[35:29] Okay.

[35:29] Certainly not in the traditional sense.

[35:31] I haven't seen you do any pratfalls or, uh, any, a lot.

[35:35] Mime.

[35:36] You don't do mime.

[35:36] You don't do a lot of sight gags.

[35:38] No.

[35:38] Uh, although you, you can do some pretty solid reactions.

[35:41] I mean, I think, I think, Dan, you amuse me as, uh, as all the great straight men do.

[35:48] Um, you, uh, set yourself up to be, uh, made fun of.

[35:53] Uh, you get upset when people make, uh, then make, call you out on things.

[35:58] Uh, you re, you have big reactions, which is why it's fun to get you wound up.

[36:03] Um, and, uh, yeah, so that's what, that's what amuses me.

[36:07] Uh, that you, you have enough quirks, uh, that you are a genuine character, but, uh, you, uh, you also seem like a somewhat serious guy, if that makes sense.

[36:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[36:19] No, I appreciate the assessment.

[36:22] It's good to hear something about strengths.

[36:24] Uh, I mean, it's not necessarily like areas of improvement.

[36:27] I don't need to hear that.

[36:28] No, if you want, I can give you a shit sandwich.

Stuart Wellington

[36:31] I don't care to.

[36:32] I, uh, I gave, uh, former hosts of the podcast.

[36:36] This, you, uh, this is Stuart setting himself up to get, uh, hate mail.

[36:40] But, uh, years ago, former, uh, former host of the podcast, Simon Fisher, uh, worked for me when I worked at a hobby store.

[36:46] I was a much younger man back then.

[36:48] Yeah.

[36:48] And, uh, we had to do an employee review and, uh, we had to do a, you know, like, uh, I was trained to do like a shit sandwich style review.

[36:57] Like, and we were, he filled out his form and we were kind of going over it together and he was taking it very seriously, which I found to be incredibly funny.

[37:06] And one, it was like, we talked about his strengths and he was a very good employee.

[37:10] And then when it came to, I'm like, okay, so let's talk about areas of improvement.

[37:13] And I could see him like racking his brain, like really thinking about it.

[37:17] And I'm like, how about baldness?

[37:21] Because he had been like losing his hair and nobody had said anything.

[37:25] And I think I was the first person to make a joke about it.

[37:27] And he got so offended.

Dan McCoy

[37:30] Uh.

[37:31] I mean, it is inappropriate for a work relationship.

Stuart Wellington

[37:33] Yes.

[37:33] I mean, we were friends before we were.

[37:35] No, I know.

[37:36] I mean, in no way am I defending myself.

[37:38] I'm the villain in this story.

[37:39] But it was very, to this day, I'm still like, man, that was a good, that was a good mean joke I made.

[37:46] It was so mean, in fact, that like friends from home called me up the next day to like lambast me for like making that joke.

Dan McCoy

[37:56] Which I deserve.

[37:58] Well, I hope this has been an enjoyable episode for, I don't know, those of you out there who are like mean to Elliot on the internet for some reason.

[38:07] But I hope that the people who love Elliot, you know, forgave this episode.

Stuart Wellington

[38:13] I mean, and people, yeah, people who love Elliot, if anything, will listen to this episode and be like, yeah, yeah, that's why they have an Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[38:22] Yeah, but in the meantime, we've, I think, gotten a lot of good data.

[38:26] I'll feed this into the Plop House computer.

[38:29] The AI algorithm that just sucked all this up.

[38:31] Eventually, we'll be able to simulate a Stuart.

[38:34] Easy.

[38:35] Be enjoyed for future generations.

[38:37] But until that time comes, I'd like to thank Alex Smith, our producer.

[38:43] He goes by the name Howell Doughty on the internet.

[38:46] He has his work cut out for him to like maybe zazz up this episode a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[38:50] Yeah, he's going to do a lot of farts and zinger sound effects.

Dan McCoy

[38:53] Yeah, some boing-oings.

[38:55] Get that soundboard out.

[38:57] And I'd like to thank our podcast network, Maximum Fun.

[39:01] If you go to MaximumFun.org, you can listen to a lot of great shows.

[39:04] They have them there.

[39:06] You can check them out.

[39:07] If you like the show, you'll probably like something else.

[39:09] Yeah.

[39:10] You like podcasts.

[39:11] You like stuff.

[39:11] Uh-huh.

[39:13] But until next time, I've been Dan McCoy.

[39:15] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[39:17] Bye.

[39:18] Bye.

[39:24] Maximum Fun.

[39:25] A worker-owned network.

[39:26] Of artist-owned shows.

[39:28] Supported.

[39:29] Directly.

[39:30] By you.

FH Mini 118 – Getting to Know Stu

Transcript

In this episode

Description