Flop House Episode Nine - Next

Dan McCoy

[0:00] This is the next episode of the Flophouse.

[0:03] I mean, this Flophouse is the next Flophouse.

[0:07] I mean, this episode is next.

[0:09] I mean...

[0:30] Well, anyway, let's kick this thing off.

S2

[0:39] Let's move on to what's next.

[0:42] That joke won't ever get old.

Dan McCoy

[0:45] Good night.

[0:46] Good morning.

[0:47] Good afternoon.

[0:48] Whenever you're listening, welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:51] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:53] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:55] I'm Frank Lesser.

[0:56] Yes, our guest host tonight, Frank Lesser.

[1:00] A very funny comedian, writer.

[1:04] Normally a writer for the Colbert Report.

[1:07] Right now, striking.

[1:09] How's that going?

[1:10] Why'd you have to bring that up?

[1:11] You're bringing me down.

[1:13] Well, I think that our...

[1:14] I was eager to talk.

[1:15] I think our listeners deserve an explanation for how we got Colbert Writer to come be on

[1:24] our unpaid, poorly listened to podcasts.

[1:27] And I think a strike is pretty much the only explanation they would accept.

[1:31] So, um...

S2

[1:32] I've mostly just been watching movies.

[1:34] Nice.

[1:34] Non-stop.

Dan McCoy

[1:35] Well, we had, you know, we had...

[1:37] My friend Elliot was on last time.

[1:40] And he works at the Daily Show as a producer.

[1:42] And we were asking him what he did.

[1:43] And he's like, eh, you know, I watched Robocop today.

[1:46] And so, there you go.

S2

[1:47] Yeah, I re-watched The Sixth Sense two nights ago.

[1:51] Were you...

[1:52] Because it was...

[1:52] Did the twist still work, or...?

[1:54] Yeah, well, I'm not trying to brag, but I think I'd like to...

[1:57] I'd like everyone to know this, that I called the surprise twist before the movie started.

[2:01] There's some extenuating circumstances that I don't want to take up this whole podcast.

[2:04] The first time you saw it?

[2:04] The first time I saw it in the theaters.

[2:05] Sure.

[2:06] Not the second.

[2:06] The second time I would have been like, I've seen this before, but I'm pretty sure he's a ghost.

Stuart Wellington

[2:11] It's like an urban legend, dude.

[2:13] Like, I know this kid who didn't even see it, and he totally knew what was going to happen.

S2

[2:17] But no, I wanted to see it because I had seen The Lady in the Water in a similar sort of...

[2:21] Not The Lady in the Water, I'm sorry.

[2:23] It's Lady in the Water.

[2:24] In a similar sort of, let's watch a terrible, terrible movie.

[2:26] And it was so bad that I kind of was like, were we all just duped into thinking The Sixth Sense was good?

[2:31] But then I actually watched it, and it is actually really amazing.

[2:34] The cat is hitting some chords right now.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] Yeah, the cat's playing with the pipe.

[2:38] Yeah, The Lady in the Water, dude.

[2:40] So I might take the cat in the water.

Stuart Wellington

[2:41] Like, that's a shockingly bad thing.

[2:43] Yeah, yeah.

[2:44] Like, it's so incredibly inept of a movie.

[2:46] Yeah.

S2

[2:47] I found it, I thought it was hilarious.

[2:49] I really, really enjoyed watching it, and I was laughing the whole time.

[2:53] But you have to go into it thinking that.

[2:54] And I honestly, it's, it's, it's...

[2:56] That was what, watching The Sixth Sense the second time, I was just trying to figure out, like,

[2:59] how did he end up making Lady in the Water?

[3:01] You can see bits of it.

[3:03] In certain scenes, like the scene with Misha Barton.

[3:06] That part's the scariest part of the movie.

[3:07] But then when, like, Haley Joel Osment goes to her family, like, you know, goes to her funeral

[3:12] and is like, here, your daughter wanted you to watch this tape of the mom, like, that is

[3:16] so cheesy and terrible.

[3:18] That's the one part of the movie that is like every other M. Night movie.

[3:21] But we're not here to talk about M. Night, but we can.

[3:23] I don't know.

[3:24] M. Night.

[3:25] Your buddy M. Night.

Dan McCoy

[3:26] No one talking about that asshole.

[3:28] You guys are in an amateur basketball league together.

S2

[3:30] I have a friend who I was in a sketch group with in college whose family is friends with

[3:34] M. Nights in Philly.

[3:36] I don't want to say anything more because I don't want anyone to get in trouble for this.

[3:39] He has to sort of pretend that he likes all the recent movies.

Dan McCoy

[3:43] So in that way, he's like anyone on the set of Lady of the Lord.

S2

[3:48] Well, that's the bigger problem.

[3:49] That, like, with The Sixth Sense, he clearly, you know, had a lot to prove.

[3:52] And I think a lot of, he probably listened to what people were telling him about the screen

[3:56] where he worked on it for a really long time.

[3:58] I think it's still a great movie.

Stuart Wellington

[4:00] You know, if he got, like, punched, like, in the face in front of his family, I'd be pretty

[4:07] happy.

[4:07] Like, I think he could use it.

S2

[4:09] That would take him down.

[4:10] I think he'd start writing good screenplays again.

Dan McCoy

[4:11] At the beginning of that sentence, I was wondering where you were going with that sentence.

[4:16] And it turned out you weren't going that far.

[4:18] It was pretty much an A to B sentence.

[4:20] I was waiting for the shock ending.

Stuart Wellington

[4:21] I was waiting for the shock ending in that sentence.

[4:23] If he got punched by 10,000 scorpions.

S2

[4:27] I was hoping that he would walk out from, like, your bedroom with his family back there

[4:31] and then you would punch him in the face.

Dan McCoy

[4:32] I'd be like, I wasn't expecting that.

[4:34] Oh, my God.

[4:35] Well, I would be shocked if, say, you punched him and I'd jump on.

[4:40] That would be a twist.

S2

[4:43] But less so now that I've heard you say this.

[4:45] Yeah, exactly.

[4:45] Like, if this came up on, like, celebrity gossip news.

Dan McCoy

[4:48] Yeah, well, now the twist is that Stuart's going to dig up the corpse of Rod Surly and

[4:52] punch that.

[4:53] Okay.

[4:54] Anyway, let's not talk about withstandings because Simon's not here.

[4:59] Let's discuss...

Stuart Wellington

[5:00] So, earlier in this week, sorry to derail the conversation again.

[5:04] I was talking to my good friend, Mary Kate Olson.

[5:08] And she had just gotten done murdering Heath Ledger.

[5:11] Whoa!

[5:12] Whoa!

[5:14] Whoa!

[5:14] Okay, fine.

[5:15] So early.

Dan McCoy

[5:16] His family could be listening to this.

[5:17] They probably are.

[5:19] Michelle Williams is a fan.

[5:20] Don't...

[5:21] Not so...

S2

[5:23] Seriously.

[5:23] As a side note, that was actually slightly depressing news.

[5:26] I don't even think I've ever seen any of his movies, but I was like, well, that kind

[5:30] of...

[5:30] That sucks.

[5:31] You didn't see Brokeback Mountain?

[5:32] I've never seen that.

[5:33] Okay.

[5:34] That was during a period where I was too busy.

[5:35] You didn't see A Knight's Tale?

Dan McCoy

[5:37] Well, that was the thing.

[5:37] He's gay in that as well.

[5:40] He, unfortunately, passed away just when he was starting to get interesting.

[5:45] That was what was sad about it.

[5:46] Like, he was really sort of hitting his stride.

[5:48] Now, what we have to remember him by is A Knight's Tale and The Patriot.

[5:52] Whereas, there could have been more Brokeback Mountains in the future.

S2

[5:56] But also, I mean, The Joker.

[5:57] Like, I was like looking for...

[5:59] You know, I was like, oh, I think he'll be...

[6:00] I thought he was a good choice.

Stuart Wellington

[6:01] I, you know...

[6:02] I heard he got beat in most of his reshoots already, so...

[6:05] Oh.

[6:06] That was what I meant.

Dan McCoy

[6:07] Yeah, you were...

[6:09] Frank was basically just, you know, nervous.

[6:11] Saying he was really sad about the new Batman movie.

[6:13] He really wanted to know that...

[6:15] The cat is just going nuts on his podcast words.

[6:18] I'm gonna have to...

S2

[6:19] It's really hilarious.

[6:20] If only you guys could see it.

Dan McCoy

[6:22] Oh!

[6:23] Let's, uh...

[6:24] Why don't you guys talk with yourselves while I chase her out of the room?

[6:27] Okay.

[6:27] Come here, buddy.

[6:28] Yeah, he was also in Monster's Ball.

S2

[6:32] I never saw that either.

[6:33] He shoots himself in the chest.

[6:35] Oh.

[6:36] We've never seen that.

Stuart Wellington

[6:39] We need to go back and tell people what's gonna...

[6:41] I haven't seen a lot of suicides that involve somebody shooting themselves in the chest.

[6:45] Ah.

[6:45] It was kind of weird.

[6:47] All right.

[6:47] Oh, actually, yeah.

S2

[6:48] That does...

[6:48] That seems like one of the worst ways to do it.

Stuart Wellington

[6:50] Yeah, like...

[6:51] Once you shoot your heart.

[6:52] Yeah, I mean, I think that's the point.

[6:54] But at the same time, like...

[6:55] I would imagine it still takes a while.

[6:56] Like, it's not like...

[6:57] Heart's gone.

[6:58] Immediately dead.

Dan McCoy

[7:00] You know, it was my resolution that this episode would be edited less than any other episode

[7:05] that we've done, but I think it's gonna be edited more.

[7:07] Yeah, probably.

[7:07] Well, it's all in my beginning of the shit.

S2

[7:09] I think only the part talking about his character committing suicide before the autopsy results

[7:13] have come in.

[7:13] Right.

[7:14] You might want to edit that out.

[7:16] The cats.

[7:17] I think we were very respectful otherwise.

[7:19] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[7:20] I was sorry to hear about it.

[7:22] Jokes aside.

[7:23] Yeah.

[7:24] You deal with life with jokes.

[7:26] But this isn't the Heath Ledger Memorial podcast.

[7:29] No, it isn't.

[7:30] Just imagine how many listens you would get.

S2

[7:33] I don't know if it's called views.

[7:34] It's called...

[7:35] It's called...

[7:36] Downloads?

[7:37] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:37] I can't make a joke.

[7:39] I wouldn't be.

Dan McCoy

[7:40] I can't make a joke with all this grief.

[7:42] Yeah.

[7:42] So, next.

[7:44] We watched a film called Next Tonight, guys.

[7:46] Yeah, we did.

[7:47] I remember that.

[7:48] And starred...

[7:49] I can't...

[7:50] Nicolas Cage.

Stuart Wellington

[7:52] Nicolas Cage.

[7:52] Jessica Biel.

[7:53] And Julianne Moore.

[7:54] This is Jessica Biel's second Flophouse feature, by the way.

[7:59] It's true.

Dan McCoy

[8:00] Has there been...

[8:01] Have there been other repeats?

[8:03] I can't think of...

[8:04] I can't think of...

[8:05] We didn't watch Ghost Rider.

[8:06] What was the other?

[8:07] Stealth.

[8:08] Another one-word title.

[8:10] Okay.

[8:11] Yeah, the movie about the artificially intelligent airplane that goes crazy.

[8:16] Cold Stealth.

S2

[8:17] I didn't know...

[8:17] Wait, is that the one, though, with Jamie Foxx?

[8:19] Yeah.

[8:19] Mm-hmm.

[8:20] I had no idea that was the plot of it.

[8:22] So, it's like the Deep Blue Sea, but with plates.

Stuart Wellington

[8:25] Or Short Circuit meets War Games or something.

Dan McCoy

[8:30] Yeah.

[8:30] Okay, so, I guess...

[8:32] I don't guess.

[8:33] I know.

[8:34] We just watched the movie.

[8:35] Yeah, of course.

[8:35] Next was about a guy who can see...

S2

[8:37] I have this gift where I can see into the past.

[8:40] Yeah, I guess...

[8:40] Two hours.

[8:41] And I remember when we sat down to begin watching it, I was like, I bet this is going to be terrible.

Dan McCoy

[8:45] Right.

[8:46] And were we confirmed?

[8:49] I mean, it was an okay movie, I think.

[8:52] Nicolas Cage can see two minutes into the future.

[8:56] But only when it involves him.

[8:57] Yeah, he can't say you're Mahmoud Ahmadinejad.

[9:02] I can't say it.

[9:04] He wouldn't be able to see what's going to go on two minutes in his future.

S2

[9:07] Unless he's watching CNN, which is a...

[9:10] I had a spoiler alert, but at one point, he's watching CNN to see if some big news event happens.

[9:16] He's being forced to watch.

[9:18] Yeah, but again...

[9:19] There's actually, I think, like a rip-off to that.

Dan McCoy

[9:20] It's like a news...

[9:21] It's a news story that sort of involves him, because by that time, his girlfriend, Jessica

[9:26] Beal is about to explode.

[9:28] He's been kidnapped and strapped with...

[9:30] You have a very strict definition of girlfriend.

[9:33] Yeah, exactly, dude.

[9:34] Well, let's talk about that.

[9:36] So, Nicolas Cage can see two minutes into the future, except for he's been having these reoccurring

[9:41] premonitions of this woman that's going to come into his life.

Stuart Wellington

[9:45] And he's been having these premonitions, right?

[9:47] Who's he been sharing these premonitions with?

[9:49] He's been sharing these premonitions with Peter Falk.

Dan McCoy

[9:52] That's strange.

[9:53] His buddy Peter Falk, who he apparently, I guess, lives with in sort of a garage somewhere.

[9:59] Las Vegas is somewhere, by the way.

[10:01] Yeah.

[10:02] And Peter Falk is literally in that one part of the...

[10:07] Like, one scene in the film.

S2

[10:08] He's an interestingly developed character, who you see change dramatically from an old man

[10:13] to an old man who can't walk very well.

[10:15] By the end of the scene, you realize he has trouble walking.

Stuart Wellington

[10:19] Yeah.

[10:19] He also has trouble opening both of his eyes to the same amount.

Dan McCoy

[10:23] We're introduced to Peter Falk.

[10:26] Nicolas Cage has been in a high-speed chase, and he comes back to, I guess, his safe house

[10:31] where Peter Falk is there.

[10:33] And Peter Falk comes in, and he's like,

[10:35] You can't keep getting into these chases.

[10:39] These chases.

[10:41] And you kind of wonder, okay, so I guess this is a regular occurrence in the life of a guy

[10:45] who can see in the future as he's constantly getting into high-speed chases.

[10:48] And Peter Falk scolds him for it.

Stuart Wellington

[10:50] I mean, if this dude can see into the future, I think he can keep getting into those chases.

[10:55] I mean, I don't see any negative repercussions.

[10:58] Yeah.

S2

[10:59] Well, my favorite thing about the scene, though, is just that it wasn't even like,

[11:01] they didn't even put it in there for any exposition, for any reason of explaining what's going on in the plot.

[11:06] It was really just like,

[11:07] And then, I don't know, we got Peter Falk involved somehow.

[11:10] He's on the lot today.

[11:12] He can't play a French terrorist.

Dan McCoy

[11:14] He's not one of the bad guys.

[11:15] Maybe he can be his buddy.

[11:17] His buddy that'll be in one scene will play some cool with him.

[11:19] Yeah, it was weird.

[11:20] No relationship explained.

S2

[11:23] Oh, I do want to say that I think that I really did like the scenes where he sees into the future.

[11:27] And it's not like it's a huge surprise, but then something terrible happened.

[11:30] And then it'll like zoom backwards.

[11:31] And you realize, oh my god, the whole time I've just been watching him watch the future.

[11:36] What's going to happen?

[11:37] But I thought that was, I actually thought that was like very well done.

[11:40] My big thing, I was really surprised that this wasn't as bad as I sort of was hoping it would be.

[11:45] And inside, I think there's a brilliant romantic comedy waiting to come out or be rewritten or have this turned into...

Dan McCoy

[11:51] Right, well you were very enamored of the scene where Nicolas Cage and Jessica Biel get to know each other.

[11:57] Because like, as I was saying, he was having criminations of her.

[12:01] And like Jessica Biel is like the exception to his two minute rule.

[12:06] Anything having to do with Jessica Biel, he can see further into the future.

[12:09] Because I guess their lives are inexorable linked in some way.

[12:14] And so he goes to his diner.

Stuart Wellington

[12:16] By the way, I was just racking my brain a moment ago to think of some kind of lewd joke based on Jessica Biel and two minute rule.

[12:23] But I fucking dropped it.

S2

[12:24] Racking his mind.

[12:26] My mind was minding her...

[12:30] Oh god, edit that part out.

[12:31] Edit that out.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] It's tough.

S2

[12:33] It's tough.

[12:34] Briefly, let's talk about my theory of Jessica Biel's career.

[12:38] Because I do think she's very, very attractive as an amazing body.

[12:41] But her face and her performance is not necessarily memorable.

[12:43] But it's always adequate.

[12:44] But I really do think that everyone in the world is just waiting for her to finally be completely naked in a movie.

[12:49] Because everyone...

[12:50] I've only seen two movies.

[12:51] And I won't even name the other one because I'm embarrassed by it.

[12:53] But I've only seen two movies she's in.

[12:54] And she always wears like skippy clothes.

[12:56] And it's like...

[12:57] Oh, she's almost naked.

[12:59] Oh, and she's not.

[13:00] And not that this is even...

[13:01] I'm not like sitting at home waiting for her to get naked.

[13:04] But I think that's what everyone in Hollywood is looking for.

Dan McCoy

[13:06] Yeah, and I don't think it's even like a dirty old man thing.

[13:08] I think it's like that they're playing the numbers game.

[13:11] They're like, if we put her in enough movies,

[13:12] eventually she'll have to take her clothes off.

S2

[13:16] One of these movies will have a really good director who's like really well respected.

[13:20] And he'll be like,

[13:20] Now this wasn't in the script when you saw it.

[13:22] But I really think it's important to your character that she's naked here.

[13:26] We have this really cool pillow fight.

Dan McCoy

[13:29] The pillow fight is really sort of revealing of her character.

S2

[13:32] Shows that she's willing to have fun.

Stuart Wellington

[13:34] Playful nature.

[13:36] Shows that she's got great naked boobs.

[13:38] Her nipples aren't gross.

[13:40] Etc.

[13:41] That's...

[13:41] That's really key to her.

S2

[13:43] What if that's a secret?

[13:44] What if she's constantly always like,

[13:45] No, I'm totally fine doing nudity.

[13:47] And then she does...

[13:48] And the directors are like,

[13:49] Her nipples are totally gross.

[13:50] Those shits are gross, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[13:51] She's got a fucking invisible nipple.

Dan McCoy

[13:54] Her camo nipples are like...

[13:56] They're like a portal to some sort of horrible HGP Lovecraft dimension.

S2

[14:01] Can we repeat that quote?

[14:03] Those shits are horrible.

[14:04] I think that should be like the main theme of this entire episode.

[14:07] The thing is, is...

[14:08] Right.

[14:09] I think we should move away from Jessica Biel.

[14:11] But I was just lighting you up.

Dan McCoy

[14:13] I was saying that the point was you were really...

[14:14] Like, but you liked the scene when they first meet each other.

[14:18] Like, when he finally is like,

[14:19] Okay, she's going to be in this diner.

[14:21] I'm going to meet her here.

[14:23] And he used his power sort of in a Groundhog Day sort of...

[14:29] Kind of...

[14:29] Actually, honestly, kind of like a sleazy way, though.

[14:32] He was like, alright, I can pre-try out every approach to this girl.

S2

[14:36] And see what works.

[14:37] But I actually thought, like, you know, filmically...

[14:40] She used a big fancy word.

[14:41] But no, but I mean, like, in the film medium,

[14:43] I thought they did a good job of...

[14:44] The first time he gets up, he approaches her,

[14:47] he tries some, like, line or something,

[14:49] and she's just like, yeah, you know, get lost.

[14:52] Words to that effect.

[14:53] I didn't write this screenplay, okay?

[14:55] I can't recapture the brilliance.

[14:57] But, um...

[14:58] And she's like, get lost.

[14:59] And then, like, the camera sort of racks focus,

[15:01] and you see that he's actually still sitting where he was before,

[15:03] and the whole thing was him seeing the future if he portrayed that.

[15:06] I thought that was the most fascinating...

[15:08] I thought that was, like, a really interesting thing.

[15:10] And I was like, if this was just a romantic comedy

[15:12] about a guy played by Nicolas Cage,

[15:14] who's kind of schlubby and has a terrible fake haircut,

[15:17] I would be much more interested.

[15:19] I'm going to tell you about his haircut.

[15:20] We should move on to his hair.

[15:21] But I was, I mean, I honestly would love to write that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[15:24] And then, possibly, at some point, there's nudity.

[15:27] Justifying Jessica Biel's inclusion in the movie.

[15:30] You know, the thing that I'm confused by is, like,

[15:32] Nicolas Cage is pretty ancient at this point,

[15:36] and I'm just wondering...

Dan McCoy

[15:37] He's got, you know, he's got to be early 40s.

[15:40] I don't think he's...

Stuart Wellington

[15:41] Well, okay, but the thing is, like...

Dan McCoy

[15:43] Wait, he's too old for Jessica Biel.

Stuart Wellington

[15:44] Well, I know, in a world with Julianne Moore,

[15:47] who, while overrated as an actress,

[15:49] is very attractive,

[15:52] and could easily have done the role that Jessica Biel did,

[15:55] why couldn't she have been the love interest?

Dan McCoy

[15:57] Arguably better, too.

[15:59] I mean, like, yeah.

[15:59] Even if you don't like Julianne...

[16:01] I mean, I like Julianne Moore better than you guys.

[16:03] I think she's a little overrated,

S2

[16:04] and maybe I should see more of her movies.

Stuart Wellington

[16:06] At least there's a little bit of, like, tenderness,

[16:08] because it's like,

[16:09] hey, he's actually interested in a woman

[16:11] who's in kind of his age bracket.

[16:13] When it comes to Jessica Biel, it's like,

[16:15] well, yeah, of course he's in love with her,

[16:17] because he totally wants to bone her,

[16:18] because she's hot.

[16:19] Like, it just...

[16:21] Like, it just doesn't make sense.

[16:22] Like, I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[16:23] Well, I mean, the whole...

[16:24] The whole romance sort of went on fast forward.

[16:27] There's never any...

[16:29] They become, as you put it,

[16:30] boyfriend and girlfriend pretty quick.

[16:32] They drive somewhere...

S2

[16:33] I wasn't paying complete attention through everything,

[16:35] but somehow he...

[16:37] He's hitching a ride with her.

[16:38] It's just a ride with her,

[16:39] and then they go to where she works,

[16:41] which is the Grand Canyon.

[16:43] Yeah, let's take a moment to talk about this,

Dan McCoy

[16:45] because Jessica Biel's job

[16:46] is one of these crazy bullshit movie jobs,

[16:50] which is she's a teacher

[16:52] who teaches Native American children

[16:54] at the bottom of the Grand Canyon.

Stuart Wellington

[16:57] You know, I've met girls

[16:58] that are into that kind of shit,

[16:59] I'm going to tell you every time.

[17:01] Not that much fun to hang out with.

[17:03] They think their life's really important,

[17:05] and they don't drink very much beer.

Dan McCoy

[17:08] You know, but I bet...

[17:09] I bet that they would wear

[17:10] a lot more turquoise jewelry

[17:11] than Jessica Biel's.

[17:13] Which is nice.

[17:15] She didn't have any turquoise.

[17:16] No.

S2

[17:17] This was the Southwest, apparently.

[17:19] Not the Grand Canyon on the East Coast.

[17:21] Yes.

[17:22] In case you were wondering.

[17:23] This was the original Grand Canyon.

[17:25] But that's also an interesting issue.

[17:26] I think the only reason she did that

[17:28] was there's a scene

[17:28] where Nicolas Cage is talking about the...

[17:30] I don't think they were like

[17:32] the Pueblo Indians,

[17:33] but the tribe that was there,

[17:35] like how they could...

[17:36] He's also a magician,

[17:37] but he says, you know,

[17:38] they could see the...

[17:39] Something about that,

[17:40] various other things,

[17:41] and they could see the future,

[17:42] talking about his own condition.

[17:44] So they could talk about that,

[17:44] but otherwise,

[17:45] what she was doing

[17:46] had really no purpose

[17:47] to her character,

[17:48] or it wasn't like

[17:49] she was like a stock market trader,

[17:51] or there was no real reason

[17:53] that she was doing that

[17:54] for him to be fated to meet her.

Dan McCoy

[17:57] There's got to be a deleted scene,

[17:59] whether it was shot

[18:00] or whether it was just

[18:00] in the original screenplay,

[18:02] where Nicolas Cage does go

[18:03] to meet a shaman,

[18:05] and talks to the shaman

[18:07] about his ability.

[18:10] Possibly with a mescaline trip

[18:12] or something?

S2

[18:13] Played by Peter Falk.

[18:15] Sort of in Native American face.

[18:18] Yeah.

[18:19] And you'd be like,

[18:19] this is all fated.

[18:21] Native American face.

[18:24] It's probably best

[18:25] that they cut that out.

[18:26] Yeah.

[18:27] Basically insensitive.

Stuart Wellington

[18:28] I think almost every action movie

[18:29] nowadays has something

[18:30] written into the script

[18:32] where the love interest

[18:33] just happens to pick up

[18:35] the hero as a hitchhiker

[18:37] or just end up in a car

[18:39] with him and then like,

[18:40] hey, we're just going

[18:40] to travel around forever.

[18:42] Yeah, that's how people

[18:43] meet.

[18:43] Like in the born identity.

[18:44] Stuart, I don't know

[18:44] if you realize.

Dan McCoy

[18:46] That's probably why

[18:47] I'm so lonely.

[18:48] That's how romance works.

[18:49] That's how my wife

[18:50] and I met.

[18:50] I was just beating your way

[18:52] through the U.S. consulate.

[18:54] Well, I've got this crazy

[18:55] superpower where I can

[18:57] hear conversations

[18:58] but only if I'm like

[18:59] exactly across the world

[19:01] from them.

[19:02] Like they're exactly

[19:03] opposite me on the globe.

[19:04] Okay.

[19:05] And I was hitchhiking

[19:06] through the southwest

[19:07] and I was running out of water

[19:10] and this woman,

[19:12] you know,

[19:12] her car broke down.

[19:14] FBI was probably

[19:15] on your table, right?

[19:16] Well, yeah,

[19:17] I was being hunted

[19:18] from both ends.

[19:19] The good guys

[19:20] and the bad guys.

[19:21] Sure.

[19:21] Just like it next.

[19:22] The bad guys were French

[19:23] as well.

[19:24] Inexplicably French.

[19:26] French terrorists

[19:26] in this film, everyone.

Stuart Wellington

[19:28] That's a common,

[19:30] I don't know if you've been

[19:31] listening to the news lately

[19:33] but that's a...

[19:34] Didn't they kill that

[19:35] Pakistani prime minister

[19:36] or something?

[19:37] Yes.

[19:38] That was the French.

[19:40] Yeah.

[19:41] I mean,

[19:41] I wasn't really paying

[19:42] attention to the news.

[19:43] I had the volume turned off

[19:45] while I was watching

[19:45] something else.

[19:46] I was pretty sad

S2

[19:46] about that too

[19:47] because I think she was

[19:48] right on the cusp

[19:48] of her greatest work.

[19:50] Very similar to Heath Ledger.

[19:52] He was going to move on

[19:53] to so many...

[19:54] No.

[19:56] I wonder what she

Stuart Wellington

[19:56] would have done next.

[19:59] Yeah, so Nicolas Cage

[20:00] has really cool hair.

[20:02] I think he bought it

[20:03] off of John Travolta

[20:04] in Swordfish

[20:05] or Tom Hanks

[20:06] in The Da Vinci Code.

[20:08] I think it might be

[20:09] like a weird symbiote,

[20:10] like a weird parasitic

[20:12] organism.

Stuart Wellington

[20:12] It's got its own credit.

Dan McCoy

[20:13] It's got its own credit.

Stuart Wellington

[20:14] It does, yeah.

[20:15] I mean,

[20:15] I think they were like,

[20:16] you know,

[20:17] they wanted to put the hair

[20:18] in the movie

[20:19] but they really weren't

[20:19] quite sure if this was

[20:20] the appropriate feature board

[20:21] and in truth,

[20:22] probably wasn't

[20:22] because it really kept me

[20:24] from seeing this movie

[20:25] in the theater.

S2

[20:26] I honestly think

[20:27] that that's why,

[20:28] like watching the commercials

[20:29] and the trailer,

[20:29] aside from the fact

[20:30] that I think there was

[20:31] some line like,

[20:31] but I can only see

[20:32] two minutes into the future.

[20:33] And you're like,

[20:34] I shouldn't have

[20:35] explained it that much.

[20:36] But I think the main thing

[20:37] was like seeing,

[20:38] you see Nicolas Cage's,

[20:41] you see Nicolas Cage,

[20:42] you're like,

[20:42] I don't want to see

[20:43] that movie.

[20:43] I don't want to watch a movie

[20:44] where somebody could

[20:44] actually see the future.

[20:46] What a stupid limitation.

[20:48] But it was honestly,

[20:49] I remember seeing the trailer

[20:50] of the commercial

[20:50] and I was just like,

[20:51] oh God,

[20:52] his hair looks terrible.

[20:53] His hair looks so bad.

[20:55] He should really just

[20:55] go for something natural.

[20:56] It's stupid to be that petty,

[20:58] but it's like,

[20:58] so clearly fake.

[21:00] Yeah.

[21:01] Something's wrong with it.

Stuart Wellington

[21:02] Where's that weird

[21:04] motorcycle jacket

[21:05] the whole time?

[21:07] Well, maybe the...

[21:08] It's almost like

[21:08] that's his costume

[21:10] and he's an action hero

[21:11] or like a superhero

[21:12] called Next.

Dan McCoy

[21:14] Maybe the hair's

[21:17] because he's a magician.

[21:18] And I'm jumping sort of

[21:20] forward and backward

[21:21] in time in the movie

[21:22] just like Next

[21:23] the film does.

[21:24] So I think that this podcast

[21:26] is thematically sort of linked.

[21:28] But you mentioned before

[21:30] that he's a magician,

[21:31] but I think we should examine

[21:32] this a little bit more.

[21:33] It's logical.

[21:34] It's like,

[21:35] I was telling people

[21:36] off microphone

[21:37] that I had a very similar idea

[21:39] for Thriller once

[21:40] that I wanted to write.

[21:42] And in my life...

[21:44] With Justin Long starring in it.

[21:45] Yeah, Justin Long

[21:46] would have been the lead show.

[21:48] And like the girl

[21:49] is naked the entire time.

[21:50] Yeah.

[21:51] But the thing was like,

[21:52] I thought,

[21:53] okay,

[21:54] it'll be a psychic

[21:54] and he will be the psychic

[21:57] who can only predict things

[22:00] for people he doesn't know

[22:01] that well.

[22:01] Well, because there's an issue

S2

[22:02] in this movie where he says,

[22:04] I don't want to give,

[22:04] this is somewhat of a spoiler word,

[22:06] but he says it earlier.

[22:07] But he says it earlier

[22:08] where like once you see the future

[22:09] it changes everything

[22:10] that happens.

[22:11] Essentially,

[22:11] the alternate title

[22:12] is probably like

[22:13] Schrodinger's Next.

[22:14] Right.

[22:15] Or something like that.

[22:16] But like if you see

[22:16] what happens in the future

[22:17] it changes what's going to happen.

Dan McCoy

[22:19] So I had like

[22:19] a similar background.

[22:21] So my idea is like,

[22:22] okay, well,

[22:23] what could a psychic

[22:24] with these limitations too?

[22:25] All right.

[22:26] He's like a fucking

[22:27] like phone psychic

[22:28] because he can be a psychic

[22:29] for people he doesn't know

[22:30] and that's the way he uses it.

[22:31] And it's kind of like,

[22:32] it's not that clever

[22:33] but it's sort of like,

[22:34] oh, okay,

[22:34] he's using his talent

[22:35] but in a really cheesy way.

[22:37] And this film did the same thing

[22:38] where it's like,

[22:39] oh, well,

[22:39] he's a magician.

[22:40] He's a magician

[22:41] but the twist is

[22:43] he can actually do magic

[22:45] in a way.

[22:45] Like he can see the future.

[22:47] But you see his magic act

[22:48] at the beginning of the movie

[22:49] and he's doing like

[22:50] sleight of hand.

[22:51] Like he's like,

[22:52] like doves are coming

[22:53] out of his hands

[22:54] and he's,

[22:55] and later on

[22:55] he like does things

[22:56] where, you know,

[22:57] like flames come out

[22:58] of his hands

[22:58] or he drops coins everywhere

[23:00] and you think to yourself,

[23:02] why, like,

[23:03] if he has this power

[23:04] to see the future,

[23:05] why is his magic act...

[23:07] Well, maybe like

[23:08] he looked in the future

[23:09] and he saw that like

Stuart Wellington

[23:10] flame was going to

[23:10] shoot out of his hands.

S2

[23:12] And it's actually

[23:13] real magic.

[23:14] He has no control.

[23:15] He's like,

[23:15] I better make,

[23:16] I better make the best of this.

Stuart Wellington

[23:18] I better make a hand motion

[23:19] or else I might

[23:20] sell a hand on fire.

[23:20] I don't see it

S2

[23:21] as as big of a plot hole

[23:22] because I think there is

[23:23] a part where he was,

[23:24] he seemed to imply,

[23:25] again,

[23:25] I wasn't paying that much

[23:26] attention throughout

[23:27] the entire thing.

[23:28] Sure.

[23:28] But there was a part

[23:29] where I think he's talking

[23:29] about he was studied before

[23:30] and he doesn't want

[23:31] to go back

[23:32] where the 36 hour marathon

[23:33] session of having to guess

[23:34] what card is going

[23:35] to come up next.

[23:36] Dude, that is almost

[23:37] a direct quote.

[23:37] I know.

[23:38] I remembered that line.

[23:39] It really stuck with me.

[23:40] I related.

[23:41] I don't want to give

[23:42] anything away,

[23:43] but like,

[23:44] I know things.

[23:45] I know some things.

[23:46] But I think like

[23:47] that would be like

[23:47] a diversion,

[23:48] essentially,

[23:49] which I believe

[23:49] is a magic term.

[23:50] But I mean,

[23:51] I think it makes it

[23:52] seem less like

[23:52] he can see the future

[23:53] if he's also like,

[23:54] and now I turned

[23:55] a paper rose

[23:56] into a real rose

[23:57] girl I just met

[23:58] and will sleep with.

Dan McCoy

[23:59] I like that idea.

[24:00] 15 minutes?

[24:01] I like that idea.

[24:03] To bring Peter Falk

[24:04] back into the conversation,

[24:06] he's like Columbo.

[24:08] Right.

[24:08] Like,

[24:08] he's sort of pretending

[24:09] to be kind of

[24:10] like a chintzy guy.

[24:12] So we hug him.

[24:12] To cover up his own,

[24:13] his like real talent.

S2

[24:14] Like he's a cheesy magician.

[24:16] But I think a good question

[24:17] that I'd like to get to

[24:17] would be like,

[24:18] well the other big thing

[24:19] is so the federal agents

[24:20] are after him

[24:21] because these terrorists

[24:22] have a nuclear bomb

[24:23] hitting somewhere

[24:24] in Los Angeles,

[24:25] which is kind of

[24:25] a side plot.

[24:27] That's not really,

[24:28] that sort of comes

[24:29] into play,

[24:29] but it's more about

[24:30] him and the girl.

[24:31] But, you know,

[24:32] and he doesn't want

[24:33] to help him

[24:33] because he can only

[24:34] see what's going on

[24:34] in his own life,

[24:35] but it does feel

[24:35] like a little silly,

[24:37] not selfish,

[24:38] but like,

[24:38] you know,

[24:39] I feel like if you

[24:40] had this gift,

[24:40] you would not just

[24:42] be a magician

[24:43] in Las Vegas.

[24:44] We sort of discussed this.

[24:45] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[24:45] we'll not be such a dick

[24:46] about the like,

[24:46] oh, oh, okay,

[24:47] there's a nuclear bomb

[24:48] that's going to blow up

[24:49] in Los Angeles.

[24:50] I'm sorry,

[24:50] I really can't do anything.

[24:52] Can't be bothered,

[24:52] I gotta try and hit it again.

[24:54] Yeah.

S2

[24:54] No, and it's only

[24:55] when he sees that

[24:56] the girl that he loves

[24:56] could be in danger

[24:57] that then like,

[24:58] ultimately he's like,

[24:59] okay,

[24:59] I'll help you guys.

[25:00] It sort of makes him

Dan McCoy

[25:01] a bit of an unsympathetic

[25:02] protagonist.

[25:03] Except Nicholas Cage's

[25:05] charm.

[25:06] Yeah.

[25:07] Carried him.

Stuart Wellington

[25:08] It's gotten him so much

[25:09] in this life.

[25:11] Well, let's talk about

Dan McCoy

[25:11] one problem that I had

[25:13] and I feel like an idiot,

[25:15] honestly,

[25:16] like bringing up

[25:17] real logical objections

[25:19] to the movie.

[25:20] However,

[25:21] later in the film,

[25:22] late in the movie,

[25:24] he basically,

[25:24] we basically see

[25:25] visually represented

[25:27] him,

[25:28] his body splitting off

[25:30] into several possible

[25:31] different futures.

[25:31] I love,

S2

[25:32] I also really like

[25:33] that scene.

[25:33] It like,

[25:34] you know,

[25:34] it was a cool,

[25:35] MC Escher.

Stuart Wellington

[25:36] It was a cool idea.

[25:37] Or that scene from Labyrinth.

[25:39] It was visually shocking.

[25:41] It was,

[25:41] because there were

Dan McCoy

[25:41] catwalks and platforms.

[25:44] Yeah,

[25:44] he was like,

[25:44] alright,

[25:45] I gotta find Jessica Biel.

[25:46] I'm gonna basically like,

[25:47] imagine every possible future

[25:49] in which I

[25:49] explore the entire

[25:51] base to see where she is.

[25:53] And he's avoiding bombs

[25:55] and all kinds of shit.

[25:56] But this,

[25:57] I mean,

[25:57] this brought up a question

[25:58] that I had earlier

[25:59] in the movie,

[25:59] which is,

[26:00] is he constantly aware

[26:02] of every possible thing

[26:04] that might happen

[26:04] to him in his life?

[26:05] And if so,

[26:06] isn't his brain

[26:07] overloaded by that?

[26:09] Like,

[26:09] how can one,

[26:10] like,

[26:11] that's like the brain of God

[26:12] to know like every

[26:13] possibility that might happen.

[26:15] It seemed like he was

S2

[26:17] sort of making

[26:17] conscious decisions

[26:18] at that point

[26:19] to say like,

[26:19] here I'm gonna go

[26:20] right and left.

[26:22] And then this,

[26:22] I mean,

[26:22] yeah,

[26:23] it seemed very,

[26:24] but he was focused.

[26:25] I could,

[26:26] I was sort of able

[26:27] to believe that

[26:29] for some reason.

Dan McCoy

[26:30] Well,

[26:30] also he seems very like

[26:31] physically like

[26:32] talented.

[26:33] Like,

[26:33] if,

[26:34] if,

[26:34] if say a giant log

[26:36] is coming at him,

[26:37] which happened

[26:37] at least once

[26:39] during the film,

[26:40] he is able to,

[26:42] you know,

[26:43] with lightning click reflexes

[26:44] go exactly

[26:45] where he needs to go

[26:46] to,

[26:47] to dodge it.

[26:48] I don't know

[26:48] that just because

[26:49] you can see the future

[26:50] you have that ability.

S2

[26:51] Oh yeah,

[26:51] Dan,

[26:52] tear this movie apart.

[26:53] It just wasn't

[26:53] realistic enough.

[26:55] Yeah,

[26:55] because,

[26:56] look,

[26:56] I can accept him

[26:56] seeing the future.

[26:57] Okay guys,

Stuart Wellington

[26:58] look,

[26:58] I totally have

[26:59] his same ability.

[27:00] I know that in a minute

[27:01] a guy's going to walk

[27:02] into this room

[27:03] and shoot me.

[27:04] That doesn't mean

[27:04] I know how to not

[27:05] get shot.

[27:07] I'm like,

[27:07] oh,

[27:07] maybe if I move to the right,

[27:09] nope,

[27:09] if I move to the right,

[27:10] he's still going to shoot me.

S2

[27:11] Well,

[27:11] there was the scene

[27:12] where a guy is firing

[27:12] bullets at him

[27:13] and he's splitting,

[27:14] you're seeing like

[27:15] the various different

[27:15] versions of him

[27:16] that are getting shot,

[27:17] but like he knows

[27:18] which one,

[27:19] exactly where to sort of walk,

[27:20] but then,

[27:21] yeah,

[27:22] there were certain

[27:22] little issues with it,

[27:24] which is why I think

[27:24] it works better.

[27:25] It's a romantic comedy

[27:26] where I'm just focused on.

Dan McCoy

[27:28] I would accept it

[27:29] if say in like

[27:29] Stewart's scenario

[27:30] that he's painted for us.

[27:33] Tableau.

S2

[27:34] Do you shoot anyone else

[27:35] after he shoots you

[27:36] or am I okay?

Stuart Wellington

[27:38] I forgot to tell you

[27:40] I don't actually

[27:40] have this power.

Dan McCoy

[27:42] Oh no!

[27:44] Well,

[27:44] you'll have to keep

[27:45] listening to the podcast

[27:46] to know a little

[27:46] of you in a minute,

[27:47] but say this guy

[27:49] comes in in a minute

[27:49] and shoots you,

[27:51] I would believe it

[27:52] if you're like,

[27:53] oh,

[27:53] okay,

[27:54] this guy's going to

[27:54] come in in a minute

[27:55] and shoot me,

[27:56] I'm going to leave

[27:56] the house.

[27:57] You know,

[27:58] like that was

[27:58] your solution to it.

[28:00] Well,

[28:00] I'm going to dodge

Stuart Wellington

[28:03] around,

[28:04] like kick him

[28:05] in the head

[28:05] four times

[28:06] while he's trying

[28:06] to punch me.

[28:07] You're going to do

[28:07] some Matrix shit.

[28:08] Yeah.

[28:09] Matrix shit,

[28:10] I think,

[28:11] is the technical term.

[28:12] Now,

[28:13] I just want to bring

[28:14] this up

[28:15] because this is

[28:15] the part that,

[28:15] this is something

[28:16] that I loved

[28:17] about the whole movie.

[28:17] This is probably

[28:18] my favorite part

[28:19] about the whole movie.

[28:20] And it's not as hairy,

[28:21] it's not like

[28:21] Jessica Biel's Bond

[28:22] or anything.

[28:23] It's actually,

[28:24] you're saying

S2

[28:24] those are trait

[28:25] concerns?

Stuart Wellington

[28:26] No,

[28:26] those are,

[28:26] I'm going to say

[28:27] those are secondary

[28:28] things.

[28:28] I wouldn't say

[28:29] trite,

[28:29] because they are

[28:29] important.

[28:30] Surface.

[28:31] Yes,

[28:31] exactly.

[28:31] Now,

[28:32] it's the thing,

[28:33] it's,

[28:34] I just really like

[28:35] it when a movie

[28:36] accurately represents

[28:37] the United States

[28:39] government,

[28:40] like the FBI

[28:40] and the police

[28:41] as being

[28:42] incredibly efficient

[28:43] at performing

[28:44] their job,

[28:45] specifically in the

[28:46] collection of evidence

[28:47] and busting criminals.

[28:49] Because in this film,

[28:51] just like in,

[28:51] say,

[28:52] like Lethal Weapon

[28:52] Part 2,

[28:53] the good guys

[28:55] officially kill

[28:57] every single

[28:58] possible bad guy.

[29:00] Even when they're

[29:02] unarmed.

[29:02] Well,

[29:03] I would say even when

S2

[29:05] they could possibly

[29:06] give you information

[29:07] that would lead to,

[29:08] I don't know,

[29:08] say the nuclear bomb

[29:09] hidden somewhere in Los Angeles

[29:11] that you're looking for,

[29:12] instead of capturing them,

[29:14] they just like fly down

[29:15] in a helicopter

[29:15] and like shoot them

[29:16] 20 times.

Stuart Wellington

[29:17] So at the end of the movie

[29:18] when they have that

[29:19] like big crazy fake

[29:20] explosion,

[29:21] Nicolas Cage is like,

[29:22] I made a mistake.

[29:23] And they're like,

[29:24] you made a mistake?

[29:25] That's impossible.

[29:26] He's like,

[29:26] no,

[29:26] I made a mistake.

[29:28] Like,

[29:28] that moment,

[29:29] he doesn't have an eccentric voice.

[29:30] He says like that.

[29:31] The thing is like,

[29:33] shouldn't he be saying,

[29:34] yeah,

[29:35] you made a mistake

[29:36] for shooting the lead

[29:37] fucking terrorist

[29:38] a second ago

[29:38] who had no weapons

[29:39] or even a fucking cell phone

[29:41] and just told it like,

[29:42] been like,

[29:43] hey dude,

[29:43] I'm going to shoot you

[29:44] unless you tell me

[29:44] where the bomb is.

[29:45] Or maybe he saw

[29:46] in the future

[29:47] the possibility

[29:48] that if they did that,

[29:50] he would like,

[29:50] kill them.

[29:52] They didn't actually explain

S2

[29:53] how he made the mistake

[29:54] at all.

[29:55] Like what that really meant.

[29:55] Unless he was so distracted

[29:56] by the girl

[29:57] that that was the,

[29:58] oh,

[29:58] that was the mistake.

[29:59] I don't want to get this

[30:00] another way.

[30:00] That was the mistake.

Dan McCoy

[30:00] He was distracted by the girl.

[30:01] Let's,

[30:01] let's spoil the ending

[30:03] and say that,

[30:03] you know,

[30:03] we go through this big

[30:04] action movie ending

[30:06] and then everyone blows up.

[30:08] Because he made a mistake

[30:09] and the bomb was somewhere else.

[30:10] Because he got too distracted

[30:11] by Jessica Biel.

[30:13] And then we zoom backwards

[30:15] in time

[30:16] and we realize

[30:17] that the last

[30:17] half an hour

[30:18] to 40 minutes

[30:19] of the film

[30:21] has been a flash forward

[30:23] as Nicolas Cage

[30:24] lies in bed

[30:25] and,

S2

[30:25] next to Jessica Biel.

[30:27] Because he can see

[30:27] farther into the future

[30:28] when it involves her.

Stuart Wellington

[30:29] Now,

[30:30] can I just point out

[30:31] the weirdness

[30:32] of the fact

[30:32] that the movie

[30:33] that we watch

[30:33] immediately after

[30:35] I Know Who Killed Me

[30:37] features not only

[30:39] a scene that's

[30:39] weirdly reminiscent

[30:40] of an incident

[30:42] in Isle Creek Bridge

[30:43] which you mentioned

[30:44] in the last podcast.

[30:44] Right.

[30:45] But also

[30:46] has that weird

[30:47] bullshit type thing

[30:48] where it's like,

[30:49] just like in that movie

[30:50] where you kind of feel like,

[30:51] oh,

[30:52] so the whole thing

[30:52] was just a story

[30:53] you wrote.

[30:54] I haven't seen that.

[30:55] It's okay.

[30:56] This thing is like,

[30:57] yeah,

[30:58] the whole,

[30:58] the last 45 minutes

[31:00] could have happened.

Dan McCoy

[31:02] Who knows?

[31:03] Right.

[31:03] And we don't see

[31:04] what actually did happen

[31:05] because like,

[31:06] the movie ends

[31:06] with Nicolas Cage

[31:07] and Julianne Moore

[31:09] setting out to,

[31:10] one assumes,

[31:11] do it right this time.

S2

[31:13] And they repeat him saying,

[31:14] see the thing about the,

[31:15] I think it literally

[31:16] starts with like,

[31:17] see the other thing

[31:18] I didn't tell you

[31:19] about the future

[31:19] is that when you look at it,

[31:21] he repeats it

[31:22] from earlier

[31:22] that it changes.

Stuart Wellington

[31:24] I fucking hate monologues

[31:26] at the very end of a movie.

[31:28] I didn't mind it.

[31:28] There were some parts

S2

[31:29] earlier that I didn't mind,

[31:30] but yeah,

[31:31] at the end.

[31:31] I'm like at the very end

Stuart Wellington

[31:32] when they're like,

[31:33] so,

[31:34] here's the things

[31:34] you should take away

[31:35] from watching this movie.

[31:37] This movie is really good

[31:38] and having the ability

[31:40] to be next is awesome

[31:41] because you can dodge bullets

[31:43] at the end.

[31:44] Peace.

[31:44] There's one more thing

[31:45] about the end

Dan McCoy

[31:45] that I really want to bring up.

[31:46] That's literally

[31:48] the whole end of the movie

[31:50] is them going through

[31:51] like these warehouses

[31:53] and Nicolas Cage

[31:54] is telling people

[31:55] where to shoot.

[31:56] Yeah.

[31:56] You know,

[31:57] like,

[31:57] oh,

[31:57] there's going to be

[31:58] a sniper over here

[31:58] and shoot over here

[31:59] and oh,

[31:59] look out,

[32:00] you're going to get shot,

[32:01] shoot over here.

[32:02] And it just weirdly,

[32:04] it's just a very strange way

[32:05] to end a movie

[32:05] because it's like,

[32:06] well,

[32:07] there's no suspense

[32:07] about what's going to happen

[32:08] because Nicolas Cage

[32:09] knows how to fix everything.

S2

[32:11] Well,

[32:11] except for the point

[32:12] where he was then like,

[32:13] okay,

[32:13] now at this scene,

[32:14] you guys go over there

[32:15] and I'll go over here

[32:17] for no reason

[32:17] because nothing happened.

[32:19] All of a sudden

[32:20] and yeah,

[32:21] none of the agents

[32:21] were like,

[32:22] I think that's a bad idea.

Stuart Wellington

[32:24] That's fucking retarded,

[32:25] dude,

[32:25] because you can keep him

[32:26] from shooting me

[32:27] and I don't want to die.

[32:28] I'm going to stick with you.

[32:30] I'm going to stick with

[32:31] next over here.

S2

[32:33] I still felt like

[32:34] there was some stuff

[32:35] that could maybe go wrong.

[32:36] I thought that was the

[32:36] nice thing at the end

[32:38] when he's confronting

[32:39] the lead terrorist.

[32:40] He's like,

[32:40] you have only one choice

[32:41] that's good.

[32:42] That wasn't it.

[32:43] And then,

[32:44] of course,

[32:44] he gets shot

[32:45] eight times

[32:45] by Julianne Moore.

Stuart Wellington

[32:47] Yeah.

[32:47] I mean,

[32:48] the thing is like,

[32:49] and the problem with it

[32:50] is anytime there's suspense,

[32:51] like,

[32:51] the only possible way

[32:52] you can really have suspense

[32:53] is when the hero's in danger.

[32:55] So anytime anything

[32:56] possibly bad

[32:57] would happen to Nicolas Cage,

[32:59] oh,

[32:59] that's just like

[33:00] the future he was watching.

[33:01] In a second,

[33:02] he's going to like

[33:02] stand there

[33:03] and his head's going to wobble

[33:04] and then he's going to

[33:05] walk back into the scene

[33:06] or something.

[33:07] Well,

[33:07] that was the other thing

S2

[33:07] that Dan,

[33:08] you mentioned that

[33:09] as it got,

[33:09] I think you were saying,

[33:10] as it got closer to the end,

[33:12] like,

[33:14] even more horrific,

[33:15] but he would like,

[33:15] visceral,

[33:16] like,

[33:16] his head would like,

[33:18] you know,

[33:18] shoot backwards

[33:19] when he would see the scene.

[33:21] It's like,

Stuart Wellington

[33:21] like a ghost flies

[33:23] through his head

[33:23] in a Ghostbusters movie.

[33:24] Like,

[33:24] all of a sudden,

[33:25] he's like,

[33:25] whoa,

[33:26] and his hair stands up on him.

[33:28] What the fuck?

Dan McCoy

[33:29] Well,

[33:30] we could talk about it all night,

[33:31] but we should wrap up

[33:32] this part of the thing

[33:34] with the final judgments.

[33:35] And Frank,

[33:36] I don't,

[33:36] I,

[33:37] I,

[33:37] I'm this film's

[33:38] biggest apologist.

[33:39] I will defend this.

[33:41] I don't think you've

[33:41] actually heard this podcast

[33:43] before,

[33:43] so I will explain

[33:44] the rules to you

[33:46] and to the listening audience,

[33:48] anyone who might be new.

[33:48] I should probably hear them again, too.

[33:50] The three official

[33:51] Flophouse categories are,

[33:53] is this a movie

[33:54] that you did not like at all?

[33:56] A movie that

[33:57] you would maybe recommend

[33:58] to people

[33:59] as a good,

[34:00] bad film,

[34:01] something that might be fun

[34:02] to watch for some laughs,

[34:03] or a movie that you

[34:05] actually kind of liked?

[34:07] Since you're the guest,

[34:08] I'll go,

[34:09] I think I know

[34:10] where you're going to go.

[34:10] Yeah, I know.

S2

[34:11] I'm a little embarrassed

[34:12] to say it,

[34:13] and I,

[34:13] you know,

[34:13] I haven't,

[34:14] I think I'd need to

[34:15] think about it

[34:16] a little bit more.

[34:16] I don't think it was

[34:17] a great movie

[34:18] or even a particularly

[34:19] good movie,

[34:20] but I didn't dislike it,

[34:21] and I think there was

[34:22] a very good movie

[34:23] hidden within there,

[34:23] which again,

[34:24] I would say is

[34:24] a romantic comedy

[34:25] along the lines

[34:26] of 51st Dates,

[34:27] or sort of like

[34:28] Groundhog's Day.

[34:29] They might have

[34:30] ripped it off from that

[34:30] a little more than

[34:31] whatever Philip K. Dick

[34:32] inspired novel

[34:34] or movie,

[34:34] as you were saying.

[34:35] Sure.

[34:36] you know,

[34:36] the screenwriter

[34:37] watched before

[34:38] writing this,

[34:39] but I actually,

[34:40] I was,

[34:41] and maybe it was also

[34:42] the super low expectations

[34:43] that I went into it.

[34:44] It was no remake

[34:45] of The Wicker Man.

[34:47] It was no

[34:48] Island of Dr. Moreau.

Stuart Wellington

[34:51] I was generally

S2

[34:52] not necessarily pleased.

[34:54] I don't think I needed

[34:55] to see it.

[34:56] I don't know that I would

[34:56] tell anybody to go see it,

[34:58] but I didn't mind it.

[34:59] No jokes.

[35:00] Completely,

[35:01] that's my earnest thought.

[35:02] So where's it going?

Stuart Wellington

[35:03] Wait,

[35:03] which one was that?

[35:04] Was that one,

[35:05] two,

[35:05] or three?

[35:05] I think that was

[35:06] number three.

[35:06] Three.

[35:07] Okay,

[35:07] wow.

[35:08] I'm gonna go with,

[35:09] I'm gonna say that I think

[35:10] this was a good,

[35:11] bad movie.

[35:11] Yeah?

[35:12] If anything,

[35:13] because I think it's

[35:13] totally worth watching

[35:15] to see all the weird,

[35:16] like,

[35:17] shit where he's like,

[35:18] oh,

[35:18] I died.

[35:19] No,

[35:19] I didn't.

Dan McCoy

[35:20] But see,

[35:22] I liked that.

Stuart Wellington

[35:23] No,

[35:23] that's what I liked about,

[35:24] like,

[35:24] I want people to see that.

[35:25] And like,

[35:26] the fact that the whole

[35:27] last half hour of the movie

[35:28] didn't actually happen,

[35:30] and wasn't that suspenseful,

[35:32] totally worth watching.

Dan McCoy

[35:34] I'm gonna go with Frank,

[35:36] just because,

[35:36] like,

[35:37] I wouldn't say it was

[35:37] a good,

[35:38] bad movie,

[35:38] because it's not,

[35:38] it's not the sort of movie

[35:39] where I,

[35:40] like,

[35:40] really laughed at

[35:41] what was wrong with it.

[35:42] It's more like,

[35:43] I just sort of indulged

[35:44] what was wrong with it.

[35:45] Yeah,

[35:46] yeah.

[35:46] I'll say the same thing

[35:47] that I basically said

[35:48] about Mr. Brooks,

[35:49] which is,

[35:49] you know,

[35:50] like,

[35:50] if you've had,

[35:51] like,

[35:52] like,

[35:52] a rough day,

[35:53] or you've had a drink or two,

[35:54] or you're really tired,

[35:56] you don't want to,

[35:56] like,

[35:57] you don't really,

[35:57] like,

[35:58] care what you're watching,

[35:59] but you want to watch

[35:59] something that's kind of fun,

[36:00] and,

[36:00] like,

[36:01] Next comes on TV.

[36:02] Yep.

[36:03] Yeah,

[36:03] you sit there and watch Next,

[36:05] you know?

S2

[36:05] I would say if you want to write

[36:07] a high concept romantic comedy,

[36:08] you should watch Next,

[36:10] and rip off the good parts of it.

Dan McCoy

[36:12] Frank is advocating

[36:13] that you,

[36:14] you use Next as,

[36:16] like,

[36:16] a junkyard

[36:17] for spare parts.

[36:18] So who are,

[36:18] who are,

[36:18] who are going to be the stars

[36:20] in your movie?

S2

[36:21] I think Justin Long,

[36:22] I think we established that.

[36:22] Justin Long,

[36:23] sure,

[36:23] yeah,

[36:23] he's got some talent.

[36:25] Jessica Biel,

[36:25] but she would play

[36:26] the Julianne Moore character.

Stuart Wellington

[36:28] Okay,

[36:28] so she's the FBI agent

[36:30] in this movie.

S2

[36:31] And,

[36:31] but naked.

[36:32] The FBI in this movie

[36:33] is entirely nude.

[36:34] Sure.

[36:35] I think that would ruin

[36:35] the entire appeal,

[36:36] though.

Stuart Wellington

[36:36] Part of the FBI beach patrol.

S2

[36:38] But the appeal of her,

[36:40] again,

[36:40] I've only seen her this,

[36:41] and I'm embarrassed to say

[36:42] I now pronounce you

[36:43] Chuck and Larry,

[36:43] which I watched with some

[36:44] other people trying to

[36:45] watch a bad movie,

[36:46] and then we ended up

[36:46] not necessarily enjoying it.

[36:48] I don't want to get

[36:48] into this right now.

[36:50] But I think her whole thing

[36:50] is that she wears,

[36:51] like,

[36:51] stuff that's on the verge

[36:52] of,

[36:53] like,

[36:53] being completely naked,

[36:54] and you're like,

[36:54] wow,

[36:54] she,

[36:55] I mean,

[36:55] the girls watching it

[36:56] at the other thing

[36:57] were like,

[37:01] from a girl,

[37:01] from a real lady.

[37:02] Yeah,

[37:03] that sounds good.

[37:03] A real lady?

[37:04] Yeah.

[37:04] So you say,

Dan McCoy

[37:05] do you have,

Stuart Wellington

[37:07] but you haven't

[37:08] picked your lead?

[37:09] Who's your romantic lead

[37:11] to go opposite

[37:11] Justin Long?

[37:12] That powerhouse.

[37:13] I probably wouldn't

S2

[37:14] actually pick Justin Long.

[37:15] I would,

[37:16] who'd be in it.

[37:17] I think it would be,

[37:19] yeah,

[37:20] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[37:20] Shia LaBeouf.

[37:21] Maybe Jack Black.

[37:22] He can bring a little bit

[37:23] of his,

[37:23] like,

S2

[37:24] his little bullshit to it.

[37:25] Well,

[37:25] I think that would be

[37:26] the same sort of issue

[37:27] with this,

[37:27] which is that just at no point

[37:28] are you like,

[37:29] oh yeah,

[37:30] Nicholas Cage,

[37:31] would be realistic

[37:33] as somebody that,

[37:34] who would approach

[37:35] Jessica Biel

[37:36] and this whole thing

[37:36] would happen.

[37:37] That was the bigger thing.

[37:38] I think it's more likely

[37:39] that someone can see

[37:41] the future

[37:41] two minutes ahead of time

[37:43] than that this sort of

[37:43] romance thing

[37:44] would have played out

[37:45] how it did.

[37:46] That wasn't believable

[37:47] for me.

[37:48] It's true.

[37:50] Maybe that's being shallow.

Stuart Wellington

[37:51] I mean,

[37:51] I guess,

[37:52] I guess in the world

[37:53] of probabilities,

[37:55] you're right.

[37:55] It is more probable

[37:56] that somebody

[37:57] can literally see

[37:59] into the future

[38:00] that Nicholas Cage's

[38:01] character would be able

[38:03] to reach that point

[38:04] in his relationship

[38:04] with Jessica Biel

[38:05] in two days.

S2

[38:06] Unless the premise

[38:07] was also that he was like,

[38:08] by the way,

[38:08] I'm Nicholas Cage

[38:09] and you're not

[38:10] Jessica Biel.

[38:11] Well,

[38:12] if you guys know this,

Dan McCoy

[38:13] but teachers who teach

[38:14] Native American children

[38:15] in the Grand Canyon

[38:16] are total sluts.

[38:18] They are,

[38:19] they're just aching

[38:20] for a snake.

[38:21] They're aching

[38:22] for Nicholas Cage

[38:23] to come along.

[38:25] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[38:25] Maybe she was just

[38:27] a really big

[38:27] Nicholas Cage fan.

[38:29] I was like,

[38:29] you look so much

[38:30] like Nicholas Cage.

[38:31] She grew up

[38:31] watching his movies.

[38:35] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[38:36] Well,

[38:36] it's good to laugh.

[38:38] Yeah,

[38:38] it is good to laugh.

[38:39] Let's put next

[38:41] behind us

[38:42] and move on

[38:44] to the next segment,

[38:45] which,

[38:45] the next segment,

[38:47] which is,

[38:49] to talk about things

[38:52] that we saw recently

[38:53] that we actually enjoyed,

[38:55] like a movie,

[38:55] like a,

[38:56] give a recommendation

[38:57] because we like to,

[38:59] we like to give.

[39:00] We don't like to just take.

[39:01] And so,

[39:03] I will explain it again.

[39:04] Frank,

[39:05] this is where we usually

[39:06] recommend something

[39:07] maybe a little underrated

[39:09] or overlooked

[39:10] that we watched recently

[39:11] that we enjoyed

[39:13] and just say something about it.

[39:15] Stuart,

[39:15] is there anything

[39:16] that you want to bring up?

Stuart Wellington

[39:18] It's not necessarily

[39:20] underrated,

[39:21] but if you get a chance,

[39:22] you should go see it.

[39:23] I just got,

[39:24] I got to see Teeth,

[39:26] the movie about the girl

[39:27] with the vagina dentata.

[39:30] Yeah,

[39:30] vagina dentata.

[39:31] And,

[39:31] yeah,

[39:33] there was a lot of

[39:34] bitten off penises

[39:35] in the movie.

[39:36] So,

[39:37] if you want to see

[39:37] a bunch of

[39:38] bitten off penises.

S2

[39:39] See,

[39:39] if you combine that

[39:40] with my romantic comedy movie

[39:42] based on the idea of next,

[39:43] that the girl

[39:44] has a vagina dentata,

[39:45] I think I would see that.

Stuart Wellington

[39:47] Fucking cinema gold

[39:48] right there,

[39:49] maybe.

S2

[39:50] That goes beyond

[39:51] high concept.

[39:51] I heard good things

[39:53] about that,

[39:53] I think,

[39:54] but then bad things

[39:54] from someone else.

[39:55] But all,

[39:56] women entirely.

[39:57] Sure.

[39:58] Well,

[39:58] not that that matters.

[39:59] You know,

Stuart Wellington

[40:00] because the thing is

[40:01] that women,

[40:02] they have a lot of

[40:02] mixed up ideas

[40:03] about vaginas.

[40:05] So,

[40:06] I would take what they say

[40:08] with a grain of salt.

[40:10] They need a mirror

[40:11] to look at them.

[40:14] I'm down with the ladies.

[40:16] I don't even know

[40:17] what that means.

[40:19] Is that like a no-man yourself?

[40:20] I know what it means,

[40:20] but I don't know.

[40:21] I've heard.

[40:22] No,

[40:23] it's a good one,

[40:23] dude.

[40:24] I like that joke.

[40:25] So,

[40:26] that was me.

[40:27] Brian?

S2

[40:28] Something,

[40:31] anything underrated.

[40:32] I did recently,

[40:34] let me say something

[40:35] pretentious,

[40:36] at Film Forum,

[40:38] they were showing

[40:39] City Lights,

[40:39] which is the

[40:40] 1931 Charlie Chaplin movie.

[40:42] That is really funny.

[40:43] I'd only seen

[40:44] little bits of Chaplin

[40:45] in some of his shorts,

[40:46] and I saw,

[40:46] I think,

[40:46] Modern Times,

[40:47] and I wasn't that into it.

[40:48] I think it was a long time ago.

[40:49] But City Lights,

[40:50] I actually was,

[40:51] it's fairly touching,

[40:52] and it's also really very funny.

[40:54] I was very surprised by that

[40:55] as far as comedies.

[40:56] And I did like

[40:57] No Country for Old Men,

[40:58] but that's not,

[40:59] really underrated.

[41:00] Eight Oscar novels.

[41:02] Well,

[41:03] I didn't say that

[41:03] and there will be blood.

[41:05] Right.

[41:05] Okay.

[41:07] 16 between.

[41:11] anything obscure recently

[41:13] that I saw,

[41:13] I actually really like

[41:14] Sweeney Todd.

[41:15] It's not obscure,

[41:16] but it didn't do

[41:16] incredibly well.

[41:18] Got really good reviews,

[41:19] too.

[41:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[41:20] Well,

[41:21] I,

[41:21] again,

[41:23] a classic,

[41:24] but not like a,

[41:26] like,

[41:26] not like a Citizen Kane

[41:27] style classic.

[41:28] I saw,

[41:28] I watched recently

[41:29] Onibaba,

[41:31] or Onibaba,

[41:32] a Japanese movie

[41:34] about,

[41:35] I can't even explain it.

[41:37] I won't even try.

[41:38] Let's,

[41:38] let's put that one away

[41:39] and say,

[41:40] spell it for people.

[41:42] O-N-I-B-A-B-A.

[41:46] And,

[41:46] if you want to see a movie

[41:48] that's sort of like

[41:49] a Japanese horror movie

[41:50] from the late 50s,

[41:53] early 60s,

[41:54] but more like a weird

[41:55] psychodrama,

[41:56] that's a good movie

[41:58] to watch.

[41:58] But,

[41:59] a movie that's more

[42:01] accessible,

[42:03] again,

[42:03] I guess we're not

[42:04] really going through

[42:05] like the obscure

[42:06] stuff this week.

[42:07] This week is more

[42:08] mainstream,

[42:09] but,

[42:10] I'm surprised,

[42:11] speaking of Shia LaBeouf,

[42:13] my wife and I

[42:14] watched Disturbia

[42:15] recently,

[42:16] and I'm really

[42:17] sort of struck

[42:18] by how

Stuart Wellington

[42:19] pretty good

[42:20] that movie is.

[42:21] Dude,

[42:21] I recommended that

[42:22] a couple podcasts ago,

[42:23] remember?

[42:24] You did?

[42:24] I did,

[42:25] yeah,

[42:25] that was pretty good.

[42:26] That's a pretty solid,

[42:27] I don't listen to

[42:28] anything that

[42:29] Stewart says.

S2

[42:30] No,

[42:31] it did really well.

[42:32] I actually,

[42:33] when he hosted SNL,

[42:34] I saw parts of that,

[42:36] and I was actually

[42:36] very impressed.

[42:37] There was a very

[42:38] funny scene later

[42:39] in the,

[42:40] funny sketch later

[42:42] in the show

[42:42] between him and

[42:43] my Rudolph,

[42:45] that was like

[42:45] just really weird,

[42:46] and one of the

[42:47] really good ones

[42:47] that I think

[42:48] slipped in somehow,

[42:49] or that have been

[42:49] more,

[42:50] you know,

[42:50] they've been doing

[42:51] more of those,

[42:52] that I highly

[42:52] recommend,

[42:53] where like,

[42:53] I'm not going to

[42:54] try to describe it,

[42:55] it's not going to

[42:55] be as funny.

Stuart Wellington

[42:56] So,

[42:57] look for it on

[42:59] YouTube.

[43:00] Yeah,

[43:01] yeah,

[43:02] it seems like the

[43:03] type that's too

S2

[43:03] obscure,

[43:04] it's like a lot of

[43:04] Will Forte sketches

[43:05] on SNL that are

[43:06] really funny,

[43:07] but for some reason

[43:07] they don't hit the

[43:09] demographic that

[43:10] posts SNL clips

[43:11] to YouTube.

[43:13] But,

S2

[43:13] no,

[43:13] I expect great

[43:15] things from

[43:15] Shia LaBeouf.

Stuart Wellington

[43:17] Maybe he'll battle

[43:18] some more

[43:18] Transformers soon.

[43:20] I would,

S2

[43:21] in my romantic

[43:21] comedy version of

[43:22] Next,

[43:23] Shia LaBeouf,

[43:24] starring Shia LaBeouf.

Stuart Wellington

[43:26] And,

[43:26] you still haven't

[43:27] picked an actress,

[43:28] dude.

[43:29] Oh,

S2

[43:30] how about

[43:30] Ellen Page

[43:31] from Juno?

[43:33] She's delightful.

Stuart Wellington

[43:34] I watched

[43:34] Hard Candy

[43:35] the other day.

[43:36] How is that?

[43:37] Kind of boring.

S2

[43:39] She's really good

[43:40] in Juno,

[43:40] and the actors

[43:41] were generally good,

[43:42] some of them

[43:42] weren't good.

[43:42] I think it was

[43:43] great casting.

[43:44] I despised

[43:45] Jason Reitman.

[43:46] Don't necessarily

[43:47] despise,

[43:47] I didn't like

[43:48] Thank You for Smoking.

[43:48] I didn't like

[43:49] Thank You for Smoking,

[43:49] either.

[43:50] I did not like

[43:50] Juno at all.

[43:51] It's a real movie

[43:52] for about 30 minutes

[43:53] near the last,

[43:54] about two thirds

[43:55] of the way in

[43:55] it becomes a real movie

[43:56] until the Thundercats line.

[43:58] And then it's despicable.

[43:59] I thought it was so,

[44:00] sorry,

[44:01] I'm going to take over

[44:01] this fucking podcast.

[44:03] I'm going to start

[44:03] cursing.

Dan McCoy

[44:04] I didn't really like

[44:06] the first 20 to 30 minutes,

[44:07] but then I really liked it

[44:09] thereafter.

[44:10] I'll kill you.

[44:12] But I think that,

[44:13] but I agree with you

[44:14] in so much as I think

[44:15] that it's mainly because

[44:16] it's got a great cast.

[44:18] Yeah.

[44:18] They're all fantastic.

[44:20] And Ellen Page is fantastic

[44:21] and Heart Candy

[44:22] is kind of a sleazy movie,

[44:26] but she is great in it.

[44:28] Well, this one too,

[44:29] I think.

Stuart Wellington

[44:29] She's pretty great in it.

[44:31] I think she's way better

[44:33] early on when you're like,

[44:34] when she's playing like

[44:35] a young kid.

[44:37] Unless she like,

[44:39] plays like super smart,

[44:40] sassy,

[44:41] I'm going to torture this dude.

[44:43] Because like,

[44:44] I don't think it's necessarily

[44:45] good acting for a young person

[44:46] to pretend like

[44:47] they're an old person.

[44:49] That's like the M. Night

[44:50] Shyamalan school of like,

[44:52] this kid talks like people.

S2

[44:54] That's totally the script though.

Stuart Wellington

[44:55] Well, no, I agree.

[44:56] No, that's not necessarily.

[44:57] But at the same time,

[44:58] like, I'm not going to be like,

[45:00] whole.

S2

[45:00] No, side note.

[45:01] I was just going to,

[45:02] no, this is completely unrelated,

[45:03] but just moving back to M. Night,

[45:04] but I'm going to tie it into Juno,

[45:06] is that I think M. Night,

[45:07] actually Sixth Sense,

[45:08] the acting is really good.

[45:09] Bruce Willis is really good in it,

[45:10] and it's semi-realistic.

[45:12] I think he eventually became,

[45:14] the performances that he tries

[45:15] to get out of people

[45:16] become so mannered,

[45:18] that it's like all,

[45:18] the same intonation.

[45:20] It's basically when you watch him acting,

[45:21] you realize that that's the performance.

[45:22] He wants them all to act

[45:23] like him, essentially,

[45:25] because he's in all of the movies,

[45:26] and it's this very sort of earnest,

Dan McCoy

[45:28] oh, there are aliens,

S2

[45:30] but they're scared of water.

[45:31] I'm going to the lake.

[45:32] That's like the performance,

[45:33] that's a terrible job.

[45:35] I'm going to work on my M. Night impression.

[45:36] I'm going to work on my M. Night impression.

[45:38] But he basically does the dramatic version

[45:40] of all of Wes Anderson's comedic movies.

[45:43] All of the performances are the same.

[45:45] If you swapped out any of the,

[45:46] not necessarily the characters,

[45:47] who they are,

[45:48] but their intonation,

[45:49] and the way that the performances

[45:50] that are drawn out of them

[45:51] would work perfectly.

[45:53] I'm surprised he hasn't had Bill Murray

[45:54] in some terrible dramatic movie.

[45:57] And then what I did like about Juno

[45:58] was that it was just like

[45:59] a complete rip-off

[46:00] of the whole Wes Anderson style

[46:01] of like indie pretentious movies.

[46:03] Not pretentious,

[46:04] that's the wrong word,

[46:05] but you get the idea.

[46:05] The same sense of my hatred.

Dan McCoy

[46:08] I thought it was,

[46:09] I thought it was heartfelt at the end.

S2

[46:11] Oh, when they were singing the song?

[46:12] No, not that part.

[46:14] What's the,

Dan McCoy

[46:15] I don't want to ruin it

[46:16] for the podcast.

[46:18] I guess you're a really pro-life,

S2

[46:20] Dan McCoy.

[46:21] Yeah, that's it.

[46:22] That was an answer.

[46:22] That's it.

Stuart Wellington

[46:23] Are we going to title this podcast

[46:25] Juno or Next?

S2

[46:27] I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

Dan McCoy

[46:29] Can we all just agree that

[46:30] while X-Men 3 was not very good,

[46:34] Ellen Page was really good

[46:35] as Kitty Pryde?

[46:36] Can we agree on that?

[46:39] Yes.

S2

[46:40] I don't remember her specifically

[46:41] from that movie.

[46:42] I also, that movie I didn't like,

[46:44] but I didn't think it was as bad

[46:45] as I was expecting it to be.

Stuart Wellington

[46:48] It was kind of shitty.

[46:49] Let's move on.

[46:50] There's really shitty CGI in that movie.

[46:52] It was like,

[46:52] they're like,

[46:53] wait a minute,

[46:54] we need to release this movie tomorrow.

[46:56] Did you remember doing the CGI?

[46:58] oh fuck,

[46:59] oh fuck,

[46:59] oh fuck.

[46:59] I thought it was April.

[47:00] Give me a second.

Dan McCoy

[47:01] Give me a second.

[47:02] It was like the joke

[47:03] you made before.

[47:04] Like when Jean Grey,

[47:06] you know,

[47:07] like burns people up.

[47:08] She's like,

[47:08] holy shit,

[47:10] she just turned that person

[47:11] into a bunch of pixels.

Stuart Wellington

[47:13] Yep,

[47:13] like,

[47:13] holy fuck,

[47:14] he died in Tron.

Dan McCoy

[47:18] Oh man.

S2

[47:19] Well,

[47:19] there's a degree to which

[47:20] I think you can blame a movie

[47:21] for bad CGI,

[47:23] which is that,

[47:23] the fact that it's 2008,

[47:25] and we have technology

[47:27] that produces great CGI,

[47:29] and when there's a movie,

[47:29] like,

[47:30] you haven't seen I Am Legend,

[47:31] but when you watch I Am Legend,

[47:32] which had a budget so big

[47:33] that I don't even think

[47:34] the studio has released it

[47:35] to this date,

[47:36] you know,

[47:36] right now.

[47:37] I'm sure you can find it

[47:38] at this point,

[47:39] but as of like the opening week,

[47:40] they didn't want to tell anybody

[47:41] how much it cost.

[47:42] When you see a movie

[47:43] that is that expensive,

[47:44] even if they had to redo

[47:45] all the CGI

[47:46] because the director

[47:46] supposedly wasn't happy

[47:48] with the prosthetic humans,

[47:50] it's embarrassing.

[47:51] It's just like,

[47:52] you're just like,

[47:52] what?

[47:53] How is this possible?

[47:54] How could you make a movie

[47:55] that has such shitty CGI

[47:58] and such bad effects?

Dan McCoy

[47:59] You're saying that

[48:00] they actually started out

S2

[48:02] with prosthetic humans?

[48:02] They apparently shot

[48:03] a lot of stuff with people,

[48:05] and like the director

[48:05] was like,

[48:06] I don't think,

[48:07] because they're actors

[48:07] without shoes,

[48:08] and he's like,

[48:08] they just don't have

[48:09] the same sort of like,

[48:10] you know,

[48:10] not caring about

[48:11] not wearing shoes

[48:13] that these sort of

[48:13] plague-infected zombies

[48:15] would have.

[48:16] It would have been

[48:16] so much creepier

Stuart Wellington

[48:17] if it was real people.

[48:18] What makes me

[48:19] so much more angry

[48:20] is if you read

[48:21] the fucking book,

[48:22] oh shit,

[48:23] under what circumstance

[48:24] would you even need

[48:25] cock-sucking

[48:26] fucking prosthetics at all?

[48:28] It's just so fucking weird.

[48:30] Well, I mean,

[48:31] I mean,

[48:31] I guess in order to battle

[48:32] Will Smith,

[48:33] you need to give him prosthetics.

[48:34] They're vampires.

Dan McCoy

[48:34] They're vampires in the book.

[48:36] They're not like weird,

[48:37] like bald...

[48:38] They're not fucking

[48:39] Morlocks or something?

S2

[48:40] They're like the mummy.

[48:41] That is what I hated,

[48:42] that the main guy also,

[48:44] and one guy can unhinge his jaw.

[48:46] I had issues with that.

[48:47] Again, I realize this is not mixed.

[48:48] I also, I mean,

Dan McCoy

[48:49] I guess this is like

[48:50] a screenwriter thing

[48:51] where they're like,

[48:52] okay, we need one bad guy

[48:54] that you can focus on.

[48:55] We need one guy who's like...

[48:56] It's like Netface

[48:56] and AVP.

[48:58] But it makes me so angry

[48:59] because it's just like,

[49:00] the scary thing is that

[49:01] there's these hordes of people.

[49:03] There's not like one leader

[49:04] of the I Am Legend

[49:07] diseased people.

[49:08] Like, oh,

[49:09] he's like the Spartacus

[49:10] of the I Am Legend,

[49:12] you know,

[49:13] assaults.

[49:13] They called him an alpha male.

Stuart Wellington

[49:15] He's like,

[49:16] he's like striping gremlins.

[49:19] But see,

[49:19] I would have preferred

[49:20] I would have preferred

S2

[49:21] if he had a mohawk

[49:22] that somehow they were still trimming

[49:24] the three years after the plague.

[49:25] That would give me some reason

Dan McCoy

[49:27] to believe why they're following him.

[49:28] Like, oh,

[49:29] this guy's got a fucking awesome mohawk.

[49:31] Everyone else pulls him off.

[49:31] That's the other thing.

S2

[49:32] Wait a minute.

[49:33] Didn't they,

[49:33] none of,

[49:33] the dude should have had long hair.

[49:35] Are they giving themselves haircuts?

[49:37] Minor plot hole.

[49:38] I don't mind it.

[49:39] That's not my main issue

[49:40] with I Am Legend.

[49:42] But like,

[49:42] you'd be like,

[49:43] wait,

[49:43] they've been alive for three years

[49:44] and like the chick's totally bald.

Stuart Wellington

[49:47] Maybe part of the plague

[49:48] makes their hair fall out, dude.

[49:49] Oh, were they all bald?

[49:51] I just,

[49:51] I wasn't,

[49:52] I never saw it.

[49:53] Okay.

[49:53] I haven't seen it.

[49:55] Sorry,

[49:56] I ruined it.

[49:56] Well,

[49:56] I don't want to spoil anything

[49:57] for you,

Dan McCoy

[49:58] Stuart,

[49:59] but Will Smith is legend.

[50:02] Nice.

Stuart Wellington

[50:04] So,

[50:04] I'm put off now.

[50:08] That joke,

[50:08] that joke

[50:10] is actively angered.

[50:11] Yeah,

[50:11] oh,

[50:11] no,

S2

[50:12] that was,

[50:12] that,

[50:13] oh,

[50:13] actually,

[50:13] The Mist was a movie

[50:14] that watching it,

[50:15] I kept being like,

[50:15] God,

[50:16] would I enjoy this more

[50:17] if I was watching this

[50:18] thinking it was a terrible movie?

[50:19] If I went into this

[50:20] expecting to dislike it?

[50:22] You know,

S2

[50:22] like,

Stuart Wellington

[50:22] frankly,

[50:23] Frank,

[50:24] Frank,

[50:25] I thought it was actually okay.

[50:27] Like,

[50:27] I thought I didn't like,

[50:28] I didn't dislike it.

[50:30] I mean,

[50:30] I had so much affection for the story

[50:32] and it was actually like,

[50:32] pretty close to it.

[50:33] However,

[50:34] the fucking CGI was like,

[50:35] are you kidding me,

[50:36] dude?

[50:36] Yeah.

[50:36] I played video games

[50:37] to play your CGI.

[50:38] I'll tell you,

[50:39] the first time,

[50:40] the tentacle,

S2

[50:41] I was like,

[50:41] okay,

[50:42] I don't think I need to see

[50:43] the rest of this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[50:44] I'll tell you why.

[50:45] It was terrible.

[50:45] The one thing I liked

[50:46] was there was no music.

[50:48] this weird moment of like,

[50:49] what the fuck is going on?

[50:51] These dudes are just like,

[50:52] wrestling around on the tentacle

[50:53] with no sound effects

[50:54] or music.

S2

[50:55] I thought that seemed

[50:56] almost too intentional.

[50:57] That seems to be

[50:58] a big thing now in movies,

[50:59] aside from movies

[51:00] being exceptionally violent

[51:01] and horrible,

[51:02] I didn't think it was done

[51:04] that well in The Mist.

[51:05] I Am Legend also has

[51:07] a lot of moments

[51:07] where you'd be like,

[51:08] wow,

[51:08] typically,

[51:09] I think it's directors

[51:10] who are like,

[51:10] so,

[51:11] you know,

[51:11] have something in their head

[51:12] where they're like,

[51:13] oh,

[51:13] no,

[51:13] it would be the obvious thing

[51:14] to have a good score

[51:15] that would actually,

[51:16] you know,

[51:16] use music to help move.

[51:18] I can't think of words

[51:19] right now.

[51:20] I have to pee so badly.

[51:21] I'm just focusing on that.

[51:23] But that,

[51:23] you know,

[51:23] but that like,

[51:24] the music that would actually

[51:25] add to the emotion

[51:26] or the mood

[51:27] that we're trying to evoke

[51:28] in this scene,

[51:29] but they're like,

[51:29] no,

[51:29] we're not going to do that.

[51:30] That would be what

[51:30] other directors would do.

[51:32] It was done well

[51:32] in No Country for Old Men

[51:33] which didn't have

[51:34] that much music.

[51:36] Another,

[51:36] just jumping back to Juno,

[51:38] the soundtrack

[51:38] was just so obviously

[51:39] put in like,

[51:40] well,

[51:40] what else should we put

[51:41] on this CD

[51:42] that we're going to sell

[51:43] when we sell this soundtrack?

[51:45] Let's have her drive

[51:46] and we'll put a song

[51:47] that has nothing to do

[51:48] with,

[51:49] oh my God,

[51:49] I don't want to talk about that.

Dan McCoy

[51:50] Burn on Juno.

[51:52] I just want to bring it back

[51:53] to the mix for a second.

[51:54] I'll tell you that

[51:55] I liked it

[51:55] for like,

[51:57] two big reasons.

[51:58] One,

[51:59] it wasn't based

[52:00] on a Japanese horror movie

[52:01] and two,

[52:03] it wasn't like a PG-13

[52:04] When a Stranger Calls

[52:06] horror film.

[52:07] Like,

[52:07] it was a good old fashioned

[52:08] monster film,

[52:11] you know?

[52:12] I thought there was

[52:12] a little too much

[52:13] What's Her Face?

[52:15] Oh,

[52:15] the Crazy Christian.

[52:16] Crazy Lady,

[52:17] what's her,

[52:18] Miller's Crossing,

[52:19] I can't remember,

[52:19] March Gay Harden.

[52:20] And I found the ending

[52:21] a little disturbingly nihilistic,

[52:24] but...

S2

[52:25] And unnecessary.

[52:26] I liked it.

[52:26] I thought it was pretty good.

[52:27] I thought the little kid

[52:28] in that was also great.

[52:30] I thought he did a great job

[52:31] of crying a lot

[52:32] and having snot

[52:33] come out of his nose,

[52:34] which is difficult.

Dan McCoy

[52:35] Well,

[52:35] now we're just having

[52:36] a conversation about it.

[52:38] This is no longer

[52:39] like a radio program.

[52:40] I think that's at the end

[52:41] of the day where I'd probably

Stuart Wellington

[52:41] give it a positive review.

[52:43] There's not enough movies

[52:44] Spoiler alert!

Dan McCoy

[52:44] Spoiler!

[52:45] There's probably not enough

Stuart Wellington

[52:46] movies where kids get killed.

[52:47] And these are people

[52:48] who are like,

[52:49] I want to find out

[52:50] about Next,

[52:50] but I haven't seen The Mist.

[52:52] Holy shit,

[52:52] those dickheads

[52:53] spoiled it for me!

S2

[52:54] I don't think

[52:55] it could really be spoiled.

[52:56] That's my argument

[52:57] for like,

[52:58] it's really not

[52:59] a good movie

[53:00] in my opinion.

[53:03] maybe I was watching

[53:04] Frank Lesser

Dan McCoy

[53:04] loves Next,

[53:06] didn't like The Mist.

S2

[53:08] I am fine

[53:08] going on record

[53:09] saying that.

[53:10] I'm fine saying

[53:11] that I was so angry

[53:12] at the end of Juno.

[53:13] I saw it with a friend

[53:14] and I was like,

[53:14] I'm not going to say anything

[53:15] because I don't want

[53:15] to ruin it for her.

[53:17] Wait till we get out

[53:17] of the theater.

[53:18] But like,

[53:18] the credits were still playing

[53:19] and she was like,

[53:20] I think she said

[53:21] something about the music.

[53:22] She was like,

[53:23] I really like

[53:23] The Moldy Peaches.

[53:24] And I was like,

[53:24] yeah,

[53:25] you know what I don't like?

[53:26] And I just launched

[53:26] into like 20 different things

[53:28] and I was storing up

[53:29] for the entire

[53:29] last half of the movie.

[53:30] I have a soft spot

Dan McCoy

[53:31] because we had

[53:33] Kimya Dawson on

[53:34] Sarah Shaver

[53:35] as obsessed with you once

[53:36] and she was like

[53:37] a really good guest.

[53:38] Yeah,

S2

[53:39] I don't have anything

[53:39] with the music itself

[53:40] necessarily.

[53:41] I just thought

[53:41] the way it was used

[53:42] in the movie

[53:43] was incredibly pandering.

[53:45] You're all dupes.

[53:47] Do you hear me out there?

[53:48] On that note,

Dan McCoy

[53:50] anyone who liked Juno

[53:51] in the words of Frank Lesser,

[53:54] you're a dupe.

S2

[53:55] That's not true.

[53:56] I don't think that necessarily.

[53:57] I'm probably friends

[53:58] with you in fact.

[53:59] There's a very good chance

[54:01] that this is

[54:01] a deep psychological issue

[54:03] that I have.

[54:03] I don't think,

Stuart Wellington

[54:04] unless you tell them

[54:05] about it.

[54:06] This podcast

[54:07] has run the whole gamut.

[54:09] Sad.

[54:09] Really happy about

[54:10] what happened in Next.

[54:12] Really mad about Juno.

[54:14] Was there more stuff

[54:14] about Next at all?

S2

[54:15] No, no.

[54:16] Anything about Nicolas Cage?

[54:18] Because there was

[54:18] the interesting stuff.

[54:19] I'll let you wrap it up.

[54:20] But the interesting stuff,

[54:21] I still think he makes

[54:22] sort of interesting

[54:23] career choices.

[54:24] They're not like

[54:24] the most obvious,

[54:25] best things.

[54:26] They don't happen

[54:27] to usually be good movies.

[54:28] But I can understand

[54:29] why you do them.

[54:29] You brought up

[54:30] the Windtalkers.

[54:32] Yeah, sure.

[54:32] Movie that I haven't seen.

[54:34] It's abysmal, dude.

[54:35] Yeah, yeah.

[54:35] But John Woo,

[54:37] and it probably

[54:37] sounded like a good movie.

[54:40] I don't understand.

Dan McCoy

[54:41] Like, John Woo

[54:42] was one of these

[54:42] directors who gets,

[54:44] like, I guess,

[54:45] a free pass

[54:45] on the basis

[54:46] of a couple movies

[54:47] he made early

[54:47] in his career.

[54:48] But, you know,

[54:50] I hear John Woo

[54:50] at this point,

[54:51] and I'm like,

[54:52] yeah, alright,

[54:52] he made...

[54:54] Face Off.

[54:55] I like Face Off,

[54:56] but he also made...

[54:56] Well, that's why

[54:57] he gets a fucking

[54:58] free pass, too.

[54:58] But he also made,

[54:59] like, Broken Arrow

[55:00] and Mission Impossible 2

[55:02] and Windtalkers.

S2

[55:04] This was very much

[55:05] like Broken Arrow,

[55:06] and maybe just the way

[55:07] it was, like,

[55:07] shot or some of, like,

[55:08] the cinematography in it.

[55:10] Something about it

[55:11] reminded...

[55:11] I think they're also

[55:12] looking for a nuclear bomb.

Stuart Wellington

[55:14] I was gonna say,

[55:14] it reminded me a lot

[55:16] of fucking Paycheck,

[55:17] but not quite as, like,

[55:19] anger-inducing.

[55:20] You know,

[55:20] because Ben Affleck's

[55:22] not...

[55:22] Yeah.

[55:23] This was better

[55:24] than Paycheck.

S2

[55:25] Again, I would say

[55:26] that you take this movie...

[55:27] Better than Paycheck.

[55:28] Take this movie,

[55:29] take out the nuclear

[55:30] plot device,

[55:31] and make it a romantic

[55:32] comedy,

[55:32] you have a great movie,

[55:33] and then you take

[55:34] whatever shitty

[55:35] romantic comedy is there

[55:36] at the nuclear bomb,

[55:38] and you have a great movie.

[55:40] I think those are the

[55:40] things that people

[55:41] don't realize.

[55:42] You take, like,

[55:42] what I guess

[55:43] that's Jessica Alba,

[55:44] what I didn't see

[55:45] a Dane Cook movie,

[55:45] but any romantic movie,

[55:46] 51st Dates,

[55:47] and she keeps forgetting

[55:48] where the nuclear bomb is,

[55:50] and he planted one.

Stuart Wellington

[55:51] All right, that's a good movie.

[55:53] I now pronounce you

[55:54] Chuck and Larry

[55:55] put a nuclear bomb in there.

S2

[55:58] And the firefighters

[55:59] are called to, uh...

Dan McCoy

[56:01] To put out the fire

[56:03] from the nuclear bomb.

[56:04] Well, I think that

[56:05] if anything,

[56:07] if the audience

[56:08] for this podcast

[56:08] takes anything away

[56:09] from tonight,

[56:10] they should take away

[56:11] that if they go

[56:12] to the video store

[56:13] intending to rent Paycheck,

[56:15] which I think happens a lot,

[56:17] people are like,

[56:17] I really want to see Paycheck,

[56:19] you know,

[56:19] put that DVD box down,

[56:21] pick up the box for next.

S2

[56:23] I'd say the same thing

[56:24] about Broken Arrow.

[56:25] If you're in the mood for,

[56:26] if you've never seen Broken Arrow,

[56:28] watch next instead.

Stuart Wellington

[56:29] So 90% of the movies

[56:31] we've actually mentioned tonight,

[56:32] you should put those boxes

[56:33] out and pick them next instead.

[56:36] That's a pretty fucking

[56:37] good selling point, dude.

[56:38] 90%?

Dan McCoy

[56:39] I think that it says more

[56:40] about the state of motion film.

[56:43] Well, I think Frank, uh,

[56:44] needs to pee.

[56:46] Thank you.

[56:46] Um, I heard something

[56:47] about that somewhere.

[56:49] So I think we should

[56:50] wrap it up.

[56:51] I don't know what we're

[56:51] going to watch next time.

[56:53] I can't see

[56:54] two episodes

S2

[56:55] in the future.

[56:57] I see two minutes

[56:57] in the future

[56:58] and it's me peeing

[56:59] on your couch.

Dan McCoy

[56:59] We may watch Good Luck Chuck.

[57:01] There was some discussion about it.

[57:02] Heck yeah, we might.

[57:04] So, until then, I'm Dan McCoy.

[57:07] I'm Stuart Wellington.

S2

[57:09] I'm special guest Frank Lesser.

[57:11] Good night.

Stuart Wellington

[57:13] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

[57:16] Stuart does a song.

[57:19] Yay, it's over.

S2

[57:29] The best CGI, wait, is this on?

[57:32] Because I have this line that I'm like,

[57:34] the best CGI in I Am Legend is the clip of Shrek that is shown.

[57:38] At one point, that is by far the finest CGI.

[57:40] Also, at one point, he just watches Shrek.

[57:43] And that's like a good minute of the movie.

[57:45] It's very disappointing.

Flop House Episode Nine - Next

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