The Flop House: Episode #20 - 10,000 B.C.

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this special, unedited episode of The Flophouse, we take a trip in our shitty movie time machine back to 10,000 BC.

[0:30] Hey everybody, welcome to your favorite podcast, The Flophouse.

[0:38] Yay!

[0:40] Ow!

[0:41] Meow!

[0:41] I bet you didn't know it was your favorite podcast, but I told you.

[0:45] So they know now.

[0:45] They know now. It certainly is.

[0:47] There's a bunch of other podcasts out there, right?

Elliott Kalan

[0:50] I don't think, well, two or three.

Dan McCoy

[0:52] Yeah, there's at least 12.

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] This American Morning and Sound of a Young American Nation.

[0:57] And Dane Cook and shit.

[0:58] Dane Cook's Podsy in the morning and podding around.

Dan McCoy

[1:02] Ask a ninja how to cook.

[1:04] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:05] Cast pod, that's a fishing podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:06] That sounds funny. Ninjas are funny, right?

[1:08] No.

[1:09] They're not played out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10] No, they're on the played out list.

[1:11] No, they are.

[1:12] They're right on the played out list with monkeys, cheese, pirates.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15] What about cyborg bears?

Elliott Kalan

[1:17] I love to eat cheese.

[1:18] Cyborg bears are going to be there.

[1:19] They're close.

[1:20] I can't have cheese anymore?

[1:21] No, no, cheese is a comedy idea.

Stuart Wellington

[1:23] Oh.

[1:24] Yeah, okay. I'll write that down.

[1:27] Well, now that we're...

[1:29] Wait, is that what they talk about in the daily show?

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] This is what we talk about all day, all day long.

[1:35] It's things that are played out.

[1:36] Jokes that we can't use anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[1:37] When you're having rap sessions, that's what they're called, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:40] When we're talking about modern day issues that teens care about.

[1:44] And then 20 minutes before the show, you're like, oh shit.

[1:48] We better write this really precise comedy.

[1:53] We got 20 minutes.

Dan McCoy

[1:54] Oh, Elliot just got really defensive all of a sudden.

[1:57] Yeah.

[1:57] Well, it's Emmy time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:58] I don't want you to influence any Emmy voters to not vote for us.

Dan McCoy

[2:01] Don't vote for him.

[2:02] Yeah.

[2:03] No, come on.

[2:03] Any Emmy voters, any Nielsen families, all of you should forget what Elliot has to say.

Stuart Wellington

[2:09] What's that?

[2:10] What's that?

[2:10] It doesn't exist.

[2:11] What's that show with Holly Hunter where she's like battling ghosts or something?

Elliott Kalan

[2:17] Second Sight, is that it?

[2:18] Saving Grace.

[2:19] Saving Grace.

Stuart Wellington

[2:20] Watch that instead of the daily show.

Elliott Kalan

[2:22] No, they're not going to fill the same need at all.

Dan McCoy

[2:25] At least I get all my news from Saving Grace.

[2:29] Apparently, America is having a lot of issues with angels.

Elliott Kalan

[2:34] Do you think Saving Grace and The Ghost Whisperer have really diehard fans that hate each other?

Stuart Wellington

[2:38] Which show do you think has a better country song as a lead in?

[2:44] I bet Saving Grace.

Elliott Kalan

[2:45] I would say Walker, Texas Ranger.

Dan McCoy

[2:46] As you can probably guess from our discussion thus far, we watched the film 10,000 BC tonight.

[2:52] Okay, yeah, we did.

[2:54] Yeah.

[2:55] I'm going to have to rely heavily on you two guys to explain the movie to me because honestly,

[3:00] I have never been so bored in my entire life.

[3:03] It's your basic...

[3:04] I haven't been so bored in 10,000 BC years.

Stuart Wellington

[3:08] 10,000 BC years.

[3:10] I had to clarify because it's actually 12,000 years ago.

[3:12] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[3:13] 10,000 BC years are the years that Johnny Hart measured.

[3:18] That was his androgrammatite time.

Elliott Kalan

[3:20] 10,000 BC, for anyone who hasn't seen it, I don't know who hasn't because it was a huge hit.

[3:25] Everyone remembers the 10,000 BC backpacks, lunchboxes, the hit song.

[3:28] The 10,000 BC dance praise.

[3:30] To take it back and then in parentheses to 10,000 BC.

[3:33] Yeah.

[3:34] But it's your basic cave Rasta gets his girlfriend stolen by four-legged demons, which are men on horseback.

[3:41] Turns out as he travels through the prehistoric world he lives in, that he's the prophesied chosen one of every tribe in the world.

[3:48] They go to this place where slaves are building pyramids for the sake of a very poorly defined cult church that worships an albino.

[3:57] And then they revolt and overthrow the bad guys.

[4:01] And the girlfriend is almost killed but saved with magic.

[4:05] And there are mammoths in it also.

Dan McCoy

[4:06] Well, you've explained the entire film.

[4:08] I don't know that we need to speak about it.

[4:10] Sounds like they fall in love at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[4:12] But no, they were pretty much in love the whole time.

Stuart Wellington

[4:14] That explains it.

Elliott Kalan

[4:16] That's why I was so obsessed with her.

[4:17] They were in an arranged marriage from childhood.

[4:19] And unlike most arranged marriages around 10,000 BC, this one was based on true love.

[4:24] And it really worked out.

[4:25] And it's a success story.

Stuart Wellington

[4:27] Okay.

[4:27] It wasn't like an economic-based arranged marriage.

[4:31] No.

Elliott Kalan

[4:31] And they didn't need the best-selling book of the time.

[4:34] Men are from Lemuria.

[4:35] Women are from the lost continent of Mu.

[4:38] That joke is terrible.

[4:40] It is.

Dan McCoy

[4:41] It is an awful joke.

[4:42] You have put your finger on the nub of my gist regarding this film.

[4:47] What?

[4:48] It's a good thing they can't.

[4:49] It's a radio podcast and they can't see that.

Elliott Kalan

[4:52] Not a video.

[4:53] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[4:54] Well, but isn't it enough that our lead characters, our lead caveman, if you will.

[5:00] Sure.

[5:00] I will.

[5:01] Not played by Ringo Starr.

[5:03] Isn't it enough that his girlfriend gets kidnapped and he has to get her back?

[5:08] Isn't that enough to motivate the action of this film?

Elliott Kalan

[5:10] No.

[5:11] He needs to have a prophecy.

[5:12] There needs to be magic.

[5:14] There needs to be some sort of made-up religion.

[5:16] There's got to be a lot of legends and tales and people who talk about the great mountains

[5:20] and the river like a snake and the sky rain and so forth.

Dan McCoy

[5:24] But I just want to see a drama of our ancestors, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[5:27] How are you going to make a movie out of that?

[5:29] It's like we were talking about.

[5:31] People love mythologies and very thick legends and stuff.

[5:34] That's what made Pirates of the Caribbean 2 and 3 so much better than the first one.

Stuart Wellington

[5:37] People want to watch a movie where they're like, oh my god, they're following him because he was able to talk to the spear tooth.

Elliott Kalan

[5:44] That's right.

[5:45] The reason they know he's the chosen one is because he saved a saber-toothed tiger from a trap and so it defended him later.

[5:51] Just like normal animals, right?

[5:52] Just like in real life when an animal will remember that you helped it and return the favor.

Stuart Wellington

[5:57] Well, that's how I got...

[5:57] Possibly giving you a high five as it leaves after explaining the situation of the tribesmen.

Dan McCoy

[6:03] That's how I got my pet cat to love me.

[6:06] My pet cat actually, you know, I brought some flowers home for my wife and my cat stepped on one of the roses, got a thorn in its foot, and I pulled it out.

[6:16] And ever since then, we've been the best of friends.

Elliott Kalan

[6:18] A similar thing happened to a guy I knew where he found a lion in the jungle with a thorn in its paw.

[6:24] And it was in great pain.

[6:25] It couldn't walk.

[6:26] And he pulled the thorn out and it jumped on him and ate him.

Stuart Wellington

[6:30] Hey, and then this other thing happened to a guy I knew who had to try and save the spear tooth.

[6:35] And then he did.

[6:36] And then it showed up and helped him.

[6:39] Oh, wait.

[6:39] That was in this movie, wasn't it?

[6:40] That was the movie we saw.

[6:42] So that wasn't a guy I knew.

[6:43] That was Tick-Tick or whatever his name was.

Dan McCoy

[6:45] You'll remember the fact that it was called a spear tooth.

[6:47] Well, yes.

[6:47] Because this is a point that I made.

[6:50] You're making a movie about olden times.

[6:53] The olden days.

[6:54] Ancient times.

[6:54] Let's call it ancient times.

[6:55] Sure.

[6:55] Olden times sounds like the 14th century.

Elliott Kalan

[6:57] Yeah, the Renaissance Fair.

[6:59] Yeah.

[6:59] Ancient timeies.

[7:01] Renaissance Fair.

[7:02] Yeah, olden times was last weekend at the Renaissance Fair.

[7:05] But everyone talks.

[7:07] This is literally pre-history.

[7:10] There is no written history.

[7:11] The closest we come to it is legends and a painting of a man cowing a spear tooth.

[7:17] There are no real words.

Dan McCoy

[7:19] We can make up whatever fucking rules we want to.

[7:21] So I assume that in this case, as a screenwriter, you're like, okay, basically because I don't

[7:27] know what the language is, whatever I put forth to the audience, whatever people say, they're

[7:34] just going to speak in English.

[7:36] Not slang English.

[7:37] Not modern English.

[7:38] They're not going to call each other dog.

Stuart Wellington

[7:40] They're not going to say dude.

[7:41] What up, Holmes?

Elliott Kalan

[7:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[7:43] But it's just going to be straight up English.

Elliott Kalan

[7:45] However...

[7:46] I saw you jawboning with that spear tooth.

[7:48] What's his deal?

[7:49] I don't know.

[7:50] That's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[7:51] Every once in a while...

[7:51] They do one of these things where they throw in an extra word.

[7:55] They're like, okay, not a saber tooth.

[7:57] A spear tooth.

[7:58] Not a mammoth.

[7:59] What would they call it?

Elliott Kalan

[8:00] The mammoth was called a manic for some reason.

[8:02] I don't get it.

[8:03] And also, rain was sky water, I think.

[8:06] Or sky tears.

[8:09] What else did they have?

Dan McCoy

[8:10] Just like any movie where it's set in another country and they're speaking English, we can

[8:18] accept that as an audience.

[8:19] We're not like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[8:21] What is this, in America or something?

[8:23] I feel like we go to see a movie that's 10,000 BC.

[8:27] If someone says saber tooth rather than spear tooth, I'm not going to be like, hold on.

[8:32] Well, they didn't have sabers, though.

Stuart Wellington

[8:33] They had spears.

[8:34] You're pulling me out of the story.

Elliott Kalan

[8:38] Listen, I'm watching a story about a bunch of cavemen with dreadlocks and one of them

[8:44] has a magical white spear and there's a magical old lady who has psychic links to people.

[8:49] And if someone says the word saber tooth, it's going to bother me.

[8:52] You're saying it was sponsored by National Geographic.

[8:55] I'm saying there should have been like time travelers or dinosaurs or aliens or something

[8:58] that make this movie interesting.

Stuart Wellington

[8:59] Well, time traveling cowboys who battle dinosaurs.

Elliott Kalan

[9:02] That would have been great.

[9:03] It would have been like the Valley of Gwangi, but with time travel.

[9:06] There's so many dreadlocks in this film.

Dan McCoy

[9:08] So many dreadlocks.

[9:09] I honestly, look.

[9:11] Everyone's bald or has dreadlocks.

[9:12] Stuart, you and I went to the same college.

[9:15] A lot of white guys with dreadlocks.

[9:16] Yeah, it's kind of gross.

[9:18] It seemed like we, I was watching this movie and I was confused by the lack of hacky sack.

[9:23] Let's, let's.

Elliott Kalan

[9:24] There was not any hacky sack in 10,000 BC.

[9:25] Let's just say these weren't necessarily white guys.

[9:28] This was a very multi-ethnic prehistory.

[9:29] Well, that was pretty crazy.

[9:30] There were, there were very obviously black tribes.

[9:33] There were people who seemed sort of Arab or Mediterranean or Semitic in some way.

[9:36] Sure, they were bad guys though, right?

[9:37] They were the bad guys because that's where bad people come from is that part of the world.

[9:40] But then their heroes seemed to be some kind of either.

[9:43] Multicultural.

[9:43] Dusky skinned white people or maybe lighter skinned African Americans, but not with America.

[9:49] Like a real Nixon pot.

[9:50] Our heroes, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:51] Our heroes were like the American dream.

Elliott Kalan

[9:54] Yes, the American dream of owning your own manic.

Dan McCoy

[9:59] There was our Caucasian hero.

[10:01] There was our Middle Eastern hero.

[10:03] There was our sort of, there was a black hero.

[10:06] Asian probably.

[10:07] There was a Eurasian hero.

[10:08] They were kind of Asian-ish characters.

[10:10] Yeah, maybe a Pacific Islander.

Stuart Wellington

[10:12] Maybe, maybe a couple of, a couple of like Inuits.

Dan McCoy

[10:16] Now I was under the impression that at that time in history, you know.

[10:22] Everyone was pretty much the same race.

[10:23] Yeah, well the race is sort of like, there were different races for different areas because

[10:28] there wasn't a lot of travel, say, between vastly different geographical areas.

[10:34] They had boats.

[10:35] Yeah, there were boats.

Elliott Kalan

[10:35] They didn't have boats.

[10:36] They hadn't discovered the wheel yet, but they could have.

Stuart Wellington

[10:38] There was a couple four-legged demons.

[10:40] Yeah, those were horses.

[10:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:41] They didn't know how to ride horses.

[10:42] Oh my God.

Elliott Kalan

[10:43] There's a prophecy about a four, they're going to, their village is going to be destroyed

[10:47] by four-legged demons.

[10:48] And we know it's men on horseback because there's a flash to an image of men on horseback.

[10:51] Oh, that's what that was.

[10:53] But then when the men on horseback arrive, everyone's like, four-legged demons!

[10:57] Oh!

[10:58] But there's no sense of awe.

[10:59] Like, I've never seen this before.

[11:01] Just like, oh yeah, these are the four-legged demons that we got told about.

[11:04] Makes sense.

Elliott Kalan

[11:04] Clearly.

[11:04] Well, let's go.

[11:05] There's no, like, no character.

[11:06] Now it all is falling into place.

[11:07] Let's stop getting murdered.

[11:09] The only time the characters ever really seem to be impressed by anything is when they see

[11:12] boats.

[11:13] And that's, you know, not that impressive.

[11:16] Yeah.

[11:16] I guess if you've never seen one before.

Dan McCoy

[11:18] Yeah.

[11:18] It's a boat, dude.

[11:19] With a big, crazy sail.

[11:21] You know, men are, people are drawn to the sea.

Elliott Kalan

[11:23] That's what Ishmael has taught me.

[11:24] That's true.

[11:24] But I was going to say that there was, it was like this weird multi-ethnic prehistory

[11:28] to the point where I was kind of expecting a character with a French or an Italian accent

[11:32] to come in as the comic relief and be like, you know, the men who have taken our women

[11:39] and children, they are there in the large village with the stone mountains.

[11:44] And then someone would be like, hey, we gotta get him back and he's a guy, you know, and

[11:47] so forth.

Stuart Wellington

[11:49] You're like a wisecrank.

Dan McCoy

[11:51] I was expecting, we gotta jump on the giant turtles and get them back.

Elliott Kalan

[11:56] I was expecting, there were no giant turtles, unfortunately.

[11:59] I was expecting like a Frenchman to join in the battle again and stab someone with a

[12:02] spear and then go, ho ho, and then run off and do it again.

Stuart Wellington

[12:06] That sounds like a Roland Emmerich movie.

[12:09] I wish.

[12:10] He directed The Patriots.

[12:11] Yeah, let's talk about this.

Dan McCoy

[12:12] Roland Emmerich was the director of this, one of the team of people that did Independence

[12:18] Day and Godzilla.

Elliott Kalan

[12:18] But it seemed that, was it Dean Devlin is the other one?

[12:21] Yeah.

[12:21] He wasn't involved in this.

[12:22] Yeah, I'm working in Devlin.

Dan McCoy

[12:22] No, he was not.

[12:24] And from what I can see, Devlin was the talent in that group.

Elliott Kalan

[12:29] Oh yeah, because the stuff they made together was brilliant.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] No, I'm just saying.

Elliott Kalan

[12:33] This was a real Powell and Pressburger team, you know?

Dan McCoy

[12:36] No.

[12:36] This was Stanley and Jack Kirby.

Elliott Kalan

[12:38] Together they captured a magic that neither could recapture.

Dan McCoy

[12:41] You misunderstand my point entirely, Elliot.

[12:43] I'm saying the movies made before that were not great, but were not as shitty as this one.

[12:49] This was a real Bob and David team.

[12:51] So the good stuff, whatever good stuff was in that earlier film has been wiped out by

[12:56] this point.

[12:56] So Devlin must have been responsible for whatever tempering to the bad stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[12:59] I would say your memory of those movies is colored by the fact that you just sat there

[13:03] 10,000 B.C.

[13:04] And not through Godzilla or the Patriot.

Dan McCoy

[13:07] This is exactly my point.

[13:08] I would rather watch Independence Day 100 times before saying 10,000 B.C. again.

Stuart Wellington

[13:14] I would rather watch the Patriot 10,000 B.C. times than one 10,000 B.C. time.

Elliott Kalan

[13:21] Not even a joke.

[13:24] But it is interesting that I don't know what caused the rift in the Devlin-Emerick relationship.

[13:31] But I don't know what Devlin has up his sleeve, but Emmerick is batting.

[13:35] He whiffed with this one.

Stuart Wellington

[13:38] I like to imagine it was like a weird late night T&A comedy or T&A thriller type situation

[13:45] where one guy slept with the other guy's wife and he thought he killed him, but he didn't.

[13:49] So he came back from the grave to make 10,000 B.C.

Elliott Kalan

[13:52] I think that's an elaborate backstory for this film.

Dan McCoy

[13:56] But it sounds good, right?

[13:57] I think that the Zucker-Abram-Zucker breakup should figure into this somehow

[14:00] and Devlin and Abrams are off somewhere making a film together.

Elliott Kalan

[14:04] Making some sort of big budget parody CGI movie.

Dan McCoy

[14:09] Parody of 10,000 B.C. one can only hope.

Elliott Kalan

[14:11] Yeah, which probably just could be called Caveman movie or something like that.

Dan McCoy

[14:15] Caveman, starring Ringo Starr.

Elliott Kalan

[14:18] But here's the thing.

[14:18] They make these big action movies.

[14:20] They made Godzilla, which has a fair share of action, although it's all bad.

[14:23] They made The Patriot, which has some ludicrous action.

[14:25] But, you know, Independence Day, which is things blowing up all over the place.

[14:29] For like a bit.

[14:30] This movie promised big action in its commercials.

Dan McCoy

[14:32] It promised nothing but mammoth stampede.

Elliott Kalan

[14:35] Non-stop animal fighting.

[14:36] But when you watch it, there's so much of people just wandering around in deserts or mountains.

[14:41] There's so much walking in the movie.

[14:42] That's the way life was, dude.

[14:44] Well, apparently.

[14:45] But we didn't need to see all of it.

[14:46] They could have gapped that.

[14:47] You could have lied to that.

[14:48] The fact that...

[14:48] Oh, I guess you're right.

Stuart Wellington

[14:49] Like, in Independence Day...

[14:51] I guess you're...

[14:52] That's not what life is always like.

[14:53] Wait a minute.

Dan McCoy

[14:54] All those other good movies I see, I don't see a bunch of shots of people walking into cars

[14:58] and driving places.

Stuart Wellington

[14:59] They're not always boring, you know?

[15:02] Not even...

[15:03] What was that movie where Wesley Snipes kills the president?

[15:07] What?

[15:08] 1600?

[15:08] Pennsylvania Avenue?

[15:09] Yeah, that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[15:10] Oh, Murder at 1600.

[15:11] Yeah.

[15:12] That's one of my...

[15:13] That's one of my...

[15:13] I always want to do a double feature where Dennis Miller plays the jokey sidekick in a thriller,

[15:19] and it would be that and The Net as a double feature.

Dan McCoy

[15:21] I've never seen that movie, but my brother did, like, told me the most hilarious sort of

[15:26] summation of that film, wherein Wesley Snipes, in order to clear his name, sneaks into the White

[15:32] House, and the way he does it is to pretend that he's a janitor and puts his head down

[15:37] and whistles as he, like, pushes his thing along.

[15:39] He's like, oh, that's not suspicious as well.

[15:41] That janitor putting his head...

[15:43] Whistling?

[15:44] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[15:44] He must be part of the union.

[15:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:48] Yeah, it's a great movie.

Stuart Wellington

[15:49] So what I was saying is in that movie...

Elliott Kalan

[15:52] There was a spate of presidential murderer movies for a while.

[15:56] Murder at 1600, Absolute Power.

Stuart Wellington

[15:58] Yeah, that was with Gene Hackman.

Elliott Kalan

[16:00] Yep, that was Gene Hackman and Clint Eastwood.

[16:03] Clint Eastwood plays a really thief, right?

Stuart Wellington

[16:05] Yes.

[16:06] Well, the thing about Passenger 57 is that I learned a really important lesson, and that's

[16:10] that I should always bet on black.

Elliott Kalan

[16:12] But once you go black, you don't go back, so just be prepared for that.

Stuart Wellington

[16:15] Wait, did you learn that in that movie, or was that just in general?

[16:18] I think I learned that in the school of life.

[16:21] Oh, okay.

[16:21] Yeah.

[16:22] No kidding.

[16:23] Isn't that the one where the bad guy gets, like, plastic surgery, so Wesley Snipes

[16:29] doesn't know who he is?

Dan McCoy

[16:30] I don't remember that part.

[16:33] I think so.

[16:34] I mean, they're on a plane.

[16:36] Let's construct that film in our brains.

[16:39] Yeah, well, yeah, I would imagine in our brains.

[16:40] I just remember this parody.

Elliott Kalan

[16:42] I think it was on Mad TV in one of their earlier...

[16:44] That sounds great.

[16:45] That sounds funny.

[16:45] ...where they did Passenger 227, and it was...

[16:47] What's her name from 227?

[16:49] Jack A.

[16:50] In the Wesley Snipes role.

Stuart Wellington

[16:52] That sounds pretty funny.

[16:53] Mad TV.

[16:55] You know, that's good for a laugh.

[16:57] A larf?

Elliott Kalan

[16:58] Anyway, so...

[17:00] 2000 BC...

[17:01] 10,000 BC.

[17:02] I don't even remember what year it took place in.

[17:03] Oh, God.

[17:04] Sorry.

[17:05] But it's like they took...

[17:06] They obviously did no research whatsoever, except to just make sure that dinosaurs were

[17:11] dead by then, and they were like, oh, really?

[17:13] Well, we'll just make a mammoth or something.

Stuart Wellington

[17:15] Let's just make a predatory bird.

[17:17] Yeah, let's have giant emus.

Elliott Kalan

[17:19] Well, I believe they were diatrima or diatrimas.

[17:22] I don't know what the plural is, but these kind of flightless birds that were not that

[17:25] tall, but they were pretty tall, and they would eat miniature horses, because that was

[17:29] the kind of mammal that was around.

Stuart Wellington

[17:31] Miniature horses would sound pretty cool, but we didn't see any of those, right?

Elliott Kalan

[17:34] No, we didn't.

[17:35] We saw regular-sized horses.

[17:36] That's the other thing, though, is it's like they're implying that these people have

[17:39] not discovered agriculture yet, but they've invented boats.

[17:44] They've tamed horses, and they can construct these giant buildings, yet they don't have

[17:48] the wheel, and they barely have fire.

[17:51] All these societies at very different levels of development, all living within about a square

[17:57] mile of each other.

[17:58] This one group is basically African nomadic tribesmen, but they have brick buildings that

[18:03] look like English hobbit village-type places.

[18:07] It's really slapdash thrown together.

[18:10] They didn't think this world through at all.

Stuart Wellington

[18:12] Now, you know, I'm watching a movie where you've got a bunch of people living around

[18:17] in 10,000 B.C.

[18:19] I would expect more nudity.

[18:21] Elliot, how much nudity was in this movie?

Elliott Kalan

[18:23] There was zero nudity.

[18:24] That's a real downer, right?

[18:25] I mean, I guess so.

[18:27] I mean, everybody wore a lot of clothes and makeup, so I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[18:30] Yeah, you would think less clothes, more nudity.

[18:34] But nope, Merlin Emmerich disappointed in me.

[18:36] Zero hundred percent.

Elliott Kalan

[18:37] It is rated PG-13.

[18:39] Yeah, but the thing is, like, as you were talking about when you were watching...

[18:41] You can't get away with a full frontal woman in a PG-13 movie like you once could when we

[18:48] were children.

[18:49] Yeah, like in China.

Stuart Wellington

[18:50] Yeah, the thing about the movie is that it, like, you said it yourself, like, it probably

[18:54] played way better in foreign markets.

[18:56] Those foreign people, they don't give a shit about naked people.

[18:58] They prefer it.

Elliott Kalan

[18:59] Well, they just see naked people all the time, though.

[19:01] If you've ever seen a European movie, you know that people just have sex all over the

[19:04] place.

[19:05] If you're a kid, you stumble on people having sex constantly.

Dan McCoy

[19:07] Like, I mean, in Europe, they're, like, they're strutting about in the nude.

Elliott Kalan

[19:10] If they see a movie without nudity, they go, oh, what a relief.

[19:14] How refreshing.

[19:15] Say it in more of a European accent.

[19:17] They go, oh, this is a...

[19:20] Oh, what a fancy sea.

[19:22] I can't escape on TV.

[19:23] I am so sick of genitalia.

[19:26] It's like a vaguely French with Canadian in the middle of it a little bit.

[19:29] They put their bag out of the side.

[19:30] They put the bag out...

[19:32] They brought it into the theater with them down.

Stuart Wellington

[19:34] They have to straighten their beret because it's popped up off their head.

[19:36] They take a sip of wine in the theater and then...

[19:38] Straighten their beret.

Elliott Kalan

[19:41] Yeah.

[19:41] Spread a little more beret on there.

[19:43] And then ride their giant front wheel bicycle home.

[19:46] Wait, it's old-timey, too?

[19:48] Yeah.

[19:48] Oh, by the way, it also...

[19:50] It's 1887.

[19:51] Did I forget that?

Dan McCoy

[19:52] Well, that's fine.

[19:53] We're traveling through time tonight.

[19:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:56] That's the thing.

[19:57] Like, watching this movie was totally, like...

[19:59] Like, if I had some kind of, like, a looking glass or, like, a weird, like, mirror or, like,

[20:05] a thing of water that if I looked into, I could see the past.

[20:09] That's what watching this movie was like.

[20:10] It was like looking way back in time and being like,

[20:13] Oh, my God.

[20:13] I can see what people were like back then.

[20:15] Right, Dan?

Elliott Kalan

[20:16] Yeah, exactly.

[20:17] I felt like it was like watching a mall security video of the past where it's like,

[20:20] I can't fast-forward this, but it's so boring.

[20:22] So much of it was just people walking around.

[20:25] Not a lot.

[20:26] There's only so little shoplifting, but there's so much just people browsing.

[20:29] Why are there so many dreadlocks?

[20:31] Oh, yeah.

[20:32] Well, it must have been in the college time.

Dan McCoy

[20:33] Were there any surprises at the end?

[20:35] Let's speed forward.

Elliott Kalan

[20:36] Well, there was a woman who was...

[20:38] The love interest was killed by an arrow and then brought back through magic.

[20:43] Because they had magic in the past.

[20:45] Yeah.

[20:45] The biggest surprise for me was that Omar Sharif was the narrator of the movie.

[20:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:49] Yeah, we learned during the credits.

Elliott Kalan

[20:51] There is a lot of narration on this movie.

[20:53] This is a movie that is read to you.

[20:55] It is like...

Stuart Wellington

[20:55] Well, you feel like you're a little kid being read to by your Jewish grandfather.

Elliott Kalan

[21:00] Yeah.

[21:00] But he's telling you a really terrible story about like...

[21:03] How about we didn't have a lot of turnips in the old country, but sometimes here's how

[21:07] we found extra turnips.

[21:09] And like we would buy a turnip, but it wasn't that good.

[21:12] So we'd have to find ways to make the turnip eatable, edible, like with salt, or maybe like

[21:17] with wrapped in herring, like that kind of story.

[21:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[21:19] And you...

[21:20] That's a good story.

[21:21] Played by Fred Savage in my imagination, you are pretending to be asleep.

[21:24] You're like, please...

Elliott Kalan

[21:25] Yeah, my grandpa leaves so I can play my wizard video game.

[21:28] I'm talking.

Stuart Wellington

[21:29] Yep, where I use the power glove to defeat Mario.

[21:32] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[21:33] Where I have a sneak preview of Super Mario 3.

[21:36] Oh my god.

Stuart Wellington

[21:37] The trick there is getting the raccoon tail.

Dan McCoy

[21:39] Yeah.

[21:40] By the way, in retrospect, I guess the reason that the wizard won in The Wizard is that

[21:47] the evil kid was using the power glove to play that game.

[21:50] Which is a terrible controller.

[21:52] Yeah.

[21:52] An awful purple...

[21:53] He might as well have been using U-Force.

Elliott Kalan

[21:55] Yeah, but look...

[21:55] Or like Gyro-Bot.

[21:57] The robot.

[21:58] Rob.

[21:58] He's like, look at this.

[21:59] I got my special...

[22:00] I got my special...

[22:01] Got something up my sleeve, and he just sticks Rob down with the stackable discs that he

[22:05] came with.

[22:06] He's got a gyroscope in him.

[22:08] It looks like he's got this competition in his pocket.

Stuart Wellington

[22:11] Like, he's not even playing the robot play.

Elliott Kalan

[22:14] It's like...

[22:15] He goes...

[22:16] He goes...

[22:17] Listen, I got...

[22:18] You're just playing with a bad boy now.

[22:20] Let me get my virtual boy.

[22:21] And sticks his head in that giant, heavy headset.

[22:24] Well, that's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[22:25] Like, how did he connect that power glove to an arcade machine?

[22:29] Because he did at least once or twice.

Elliott Kalan

[22:30] Well, I mean, he probably, you know, played around with the circuit board.

[22:33] Probably a USB port or something.

Dan McCoy

[22:35] Ultimately, though, the point is that the girl in that grew up to be Jenny Lewis, the singer

[22:41] for Rilo Kylie.

[22:43] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[22:43] Those are names I've heard, I guess.

[22:45] Something came out of that.

Dan McCoy

[22:46] I've heard that name.

[22:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:48] Yeah, she's a redhead.

[22:49] Riley Ace of Spies, I've heard of.

[22:51] Sure.

[22:52] Sure.

[22:53] Riley Sharps Rifles.

[22:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:56] Wait, are you just saying she's cute because she's a redhead?

[22:58] Because that's too common.

Elliott Kalan

[22:59] Tell you what, they didn't have a lot of redheads in this movie, 10,000 BC.

Stuart Wellington

[23:03] They had a lot of people with dreadlocks.

Elliott Kalan

[23:05] A lot of people with dreadlocks.

[23:06] Not a lot of blondes.

[23:07] Not a lot of redheads.

Stuart Wellington

[23:07] I think there's only one female character other than the weird old, like, witch.

[23:11] That's why everyone wanted her.

Elliott Kalan

[23:12] Oh, clearly.

[23:13] Oh, my God.

[23:14] There was a big art fight over the woman.

[23:16] How was it?

[23:17] Everybody wanted the girl.

[23:19] It was a shortage of women because they didn't know how to make them yet.

[23:23] They just kept making dudes.

[23:25] They didn't figure out the secret formula.

Dan McCoy

[23:27] That's why all the dudes looked weird.

[23:29] Like, they were sculpting on the clothes, right?

[23:32] To make women, the girl has to be on top when you have sex.

[23:36] That's just science.

[23:37] But they didn't have science back then.

Stuart Wellington

[23:38] Yeah.

[23:39] They had magic, and magic doesn't make girls.

[23:42] It makes dead old ladies.

Elliott Kalan

[23:44] Yeah.

[23:45] Oh, Jesus Christ.

[23:47] 10,000 BC.

[23:47] I've never, I thought after premonition we could never, or we could never be less interested

[23:52] in a movie while watching it.

[23:53] No.

[23:53] But this one really, almost instantly, we were just not.

Dan McCoy

[23:56] Yeah, let's just skip to the end.

[23:57] Let's skip to the end.

[23:58] Let's not.

Elliott Kalan

[23:59] We were just captured by this spell of disinterest.

Dan McCoy

[24:03] Yeah, no.

[24:04] We are, we are, we've talked plenty about this movie, I believe.

Elliott Kalan

[24:07] Well, we could bring up a couple more.

[24:09] We could probably talk about some more shit.

[24:10] Oh, Jesus.

[24:11] How bad the computer effects were.

Stuart Wellington

[24:13] Oh, they were really bad.

[24:14] Those mammoths around people?

[24:16] Mannics.

Elliott Kalan

[24:17] Well, mammoths.

[24:18] Wait, what's a manic?

[24:19] It's a mammoth.

Dan McCoy

[24:21] Mannics?

[24:22] The 1970s?

[24:23] Not Mannics.

Stuart Wellington

[24:23] No, the other thing was anytime they'd be like running across like the hills when it was

[24:27] daytime, it totally looked like they were running in front of a big fake painting.

Elliott Kalan

[24:31] Yeah.

[24:31] Which they probably, that's the, it did, the first couple scenes did look like they were

[24:35] shot on location at the Museum of Natural History in New York.

[24:38] And like, you were worried that like, someone would walk too far and they'd bump into the

[24:42] painted sky that was inches away from them.

[24:45] And then they'd like knock over a stuffed rhinoceros that Teddy Roosevelt shot or something.

Dan McCoy

[24:50] Yeah, that would be better, that would be a better movie, especially if they like walked

[24:53] into another diorama.

[24:54] Well, especially since.

Elliott Kalan

[24:55] Now we're in Roman times.

[24:57] Especially, well there is no Roman, and this is my problem with Night at the Museum.

[25:00] The exterior is very clearly the Museum of Natural History, but the interior looks nothing

[25:04] like it.

[25:05] And there's no Roman section at the Museum of Natural History.

[25:08] What's, come on.

[25:10] There's early people's exhibits and a few foreign cultures.

Dan McCoy

[25:13] Yeah, no, am I familiar?

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] They could have easily gone to the Hall of Asian Peoples or, you know.

Dan McCoy

[25:17] Best as I can recall the Museum of Natural History, it's a lot of taxiderming animals.

Elliott Kalan

[25:22] Well, among other things, it's an amazing place.

[25:24] I'm just saying the movie doesn't do it justice.

[25:26] There's no Hall of Miniatures or something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[25:30] A Hall of Little Owen Wilson.

Dan McCoy

[25:32] So wait, wait, wait.

[25:32] You're telling me that Ben Stiller was in a bad film?

Elliott Kalan

[25:36] I'm not saying it's necessarily, that makes it bad.

[25:38] I'm just saying it makes it inaccurate in a way that I can't.

[25:40] Well, it's one of those, you know, it happens all the time when you live in a city like New

[25:43] York where there's a lot of locations that are used for movies where it's like, they'll

[25:47] show you the exterior of Grand Central Station.

[25:50] And then, you know, Josiah in Shreveport, bumfuck, doesn't know what the inside of that building

[26:02] looks like.

[26:02] Josiah is one of our biggest fans.

[26:03] So they just shoot it on, I'm sorry, Josiah.

[26:06] And bumfuck is a beautiful county.

[26:10] They just, they shoot like any old place, but they show you the exterior.

[26:14] It's pronounced bombfuck.

[26:15] It's the same, it's irritating in the same way that Woody Allen movie is irritating where

[26:20] it's like, oh, I just quit my job as a typist to become an actor.

[26:24] My savings are over.

[26:25] I'll just walk through my 10,000 square foot loft.

[26:29] You're a re-side apartment.

[26:30] With two levels, you know.

[26:32] And then go to the opera tomorrow night.

[26:34] And then I'll have dinner at Elaine's.

[26:37] A restaurant for old people.

Dan McCoy

[26:39] You can't, you can't do that.

Elliott Kalan

[26:41] Usually not on the out-of-work actor's salary.

[26:44] Okay, thanks, Elaine.

[26:45] So, uh, we're not.

[26:47] When you whisper into it and it suddenly becomes like a psychology late night show.

Stuart Wellington

[26:51] So, guys, I don't know if you knew this, but we're done talking about 10,000 B.C.

[26:54] Oh, we are?

[26:55] Because it sucked.

Dan McCoy

[26:55] Okay.

[26:56] So.

[26:56] I'm happy with that.

[26:57] Let's move on.

Elliott Kalan

[26:58] Let's move on to modern day.

Stuart Wellington

[27:00] Oh, okay.

[27:01] So, wait.

[27:02] Okay, so we're in the process of traveling.

[27:04] We're going.

[27:04] Oh, wait.

[27:05] Here's, wait.

[27:05] We're 9,000.

[27:05] One last thing before, as we're on the go.

Elliott Kalan

[27:07] 7,000.

[27:08] No one in the movie ever said, the year is 10,000 B.C.

[27:12] And I wanted them to say that to someone.

[27:13] Just because, like, it's so inaccurate, you kind of have to do it.

Stuart Wellington

[27:16] At that point, they've got a 50%.

Dan McCoy

[27:18] Right.

[27:18] If they can't even do that.

[27:20] Yeah.

[27:21] I remember 10,000 years before Christ.

Elliott Kalan

[27:24] Mm-hmm.

[27:25] Oh, I wish, actually, I wish the movie opened with young Jesus Christ being taught, being told a story by Joseph.

[27:31] And he goes, Dad, when did this story take place?

[27:36] It took place 10,000 years before you were born.

[27:40] And then the end framing sequence is it comes back with Jesus on the cross.

Dan McCoy

[27:44] And he's like, should have listened to my dad's story.

Elliott Kalan

[27:47] I probably wouldn't be in this jam right now.

Dan McCoy

[27:50] All the lessons I needed to learn.

Stuart Wellington

[27:52] If I had only paid attention.

Elliott Kalan

[27:54] Those plucky cavemen.

[27:55] Well.

Stuart Wellington

[27:55] Yeah, they learned a lot about brotherhood.

[27:58] And how magic can save their girlfriends.

Elliott Kalan

[28:00] Yeah, well, just to drive home that it was 10,000 B.C.

[28:03] They should open it.

[28:04] And then it's just 10,000 years earlier.

[28:08] 10,000 years before this joke.

Dan McCoy

[28:10] Or it was like an episode of fucking Alias.

[28:13] It starts out with a teaser.

[28:14] It's like 24 hours before.

Elliott Kalan

[28:17] Or just like it shows a guy getting late.

[28:20] This is a movie I want to make now.

[28:22] Where like a guy wakes up late.

[28:23] And he's like struggling to get ready for work.

[28:25] And brushing his teeth.

[28:26] He runs out while pulling his jacket on.

[28:28] Just misses the train.

[28:29] And goes like, oh, damn it.

[28:31] And then it just says, 5,000 years earlier.

[28:34] And the movie is about cave people.

[28:37] Or about like ancient Semitic tribes or something like that.

[28:40] That would be so great.

[28:41] Because people forget that it happened in the same world, you know?

[28:44] Yeah, no, I got it.

[28:45] The guy's late for a train in 2018.

Stuart Wellington

[28:48] And another guy's late for attacking a spear tooth.

Elliott Kalan

[28:53] No, we don't even draw that close to parallel.

[28:55] It's just.

[28:56] And then at the end it says, 17,000 years later.

[28:59] And it's like just a wasteland or something like that.

[29:02] Just leave him depressed at the end.

[29:04] You know, nuclear weapon went off or something.

Stuart Wellington

[29:06] No, you could have mutants or cyborgs or something.

[29:09] Or cyborg dinosaurs.

Elliott Kalan

[29:10] That would have been great if it said.

[29:11] If like the movie abruptly stopped.

[29:14] And then it said.

[29:14] Like the Bratz film.

[29:15] Yeah.

[29:16] It said, 13,000 years later.

[29:19] And it's like cyborgs fighting people.

[29:21] And basically it becomes the Terminator movies.

[29:23] Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

[29:23] In fact, I'm going to say right now, this is a prequel to Terminator.

Stuart Wellington

[29:27] No.

[29:27] I would imagine.

[29:28] Roland Emmerich probably directed.

[29:30] No, McG directed the new Terminator movie.

[29:32] Oh, he's really?

[29:33] Yeah, that's what it's going to be.

[29:34] It's going to be terrible.

[29:34] It's going to be really good, I bet.

Dan McCoy

[29:35] Charlie's Angels and McG.

[29:36] It's going to be awful.

[29:39] Torque.

[29:39] Fastlanes.

[29:40] McG.

[29:41] No, no.

[29:41] Fastlanes.

[29:42] Yeah, you're right.

[29:43] I just wanted to say Torque.

Elliott Kalan

[29:44] And he was going to direct Superman, but it didn't happen.

[29:47] No, that's too bad.

[29:48] That's the one where Lex Luthor is a government agent investigating this spaceship that landed

[29:54] years before.

[29:55] And then at the end he goes, there was another spaceship that landed.

[29:59] You know who was it?

[30:00] It was it.

[30:00] Me.

[30:01] And flies up into space.

[30:02] And then Superman and Lex Luthor were supposed to have a flying kung fu battle.

[30:06] Really?

[30:06] Oh, this was the McG version of Superman.

Dan McCoy

[30:08] Lex Luthor was going to turn out to be an alien.

Elliott Kalan

[30:10] Yeah, according to, you know, Ain't It Cool News or something.

Stuart Wellington

[30:12] That sounds like it would have been pretty good.

[30:14] Better than the movie that came out.

[30:15] Well, it would have had fighting in it at least.

[30:16] Let's, uh, no kidding.

[30:18] So, uh, 10,000 BC, it sounds like...

Elliott Kalan

[30:22] Okay, we're done talking about it now.

Stuart Wellington

[30:23] What were we going to say?

[30:24] I was just going to say, it sounds like we got a pretty positive review.

[30:27] No, no.

[30:29] Spoiler alert!

Elliott Kalan

[30:29] You would be wrong.

[30:30] Let me tell you, the fact that every movie we've seen since the Bratz movie has not been

[30:34] as good or fun as the Bratz movie is insane.

Dan McCoy

[30:39] Yeah, no.

[30:39] The Bratz movie, for me, has probably been the pinnacle of this podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[30:44] I like everything on the scale of as good or Bratz were worse than Bratz.

Dan McCoy

[30:48] From one to Bratz, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:50] From zero to Bratz.

[30:52] Because Bratz is like a 0.5.

[30:54] So, like, zero to Bratz.

Dan McCoy

[30:55] Yeah, this is a minus 0.12.

[30:59] Uh...

[31:00] That's a very specific rating.

Stuart Wellington

[31:02] That's nowhere even close to the normal, like, ratings we give movies, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[31:07] Dan, I can't wait to see when you start reviewing movies for the New York Post and it's like,

[31:10] I give this movie 1.249 stars.

[31:14] I give this movie pi stars to the fourth power.

[31:17] I give this movie...

[31:18] ...to the fourth place.

Dan McCoy

[31:19] 0.33 repeating stars.

Stuart Wellington

[31:23] Okay, so, Dan, what are the ratings?

Dan McCoy

[31:26] The ratings are, is this a bad movie that you would not recommend for anyone?

[31:32] Okay.

[31:32] A bad movie that's a funny bad movie?

[31:35] Hmm, okay.

[31:36] Or a movie that you kind of like in some way?

[31:39] Unlikely at this point.

[31:40] So, Stuart, you seem to have a strong opinion.

[31:43] What would you say about this movie?

Stuart Wellington

[31:46] The first one was one that I didn't like.

[31:48] You didn't like at all.

[31:49] Yeah, this movie is terrible, dude.

[31:51] I'm so bored.

[31:52] I almost fell asleep.

Elliott Kalan

[31:53] You got up and were dancing at one point.

Stuart Wellington

[31:55] I did get up and dance.

[31:56] You danced when the movie ended.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] No, there were still 15 minutes left in that movie.

[32:00] No way.

Stuart Wellington

[32:00] It was right when the magic saved the girl.

[32:02] Oh, okay.

[32:03] Of course I danced, because the magic's always awesome.

[32:05] I'll tell you this.

Elliott Kalan

[32:06] The one great thing about the movie was Dan read the time, the running time, somewhere,

[32:11] and it said 109 minutes.

[32:12] And so at an hour 37 minutes, I was like, oh, there's still 12 minutes left.

[32:17] And then the credits came up, and it was like, yay!

[32:20] This is great!

Stuart Wellington

[32:21] It's shorter than we thought.

[32:22] It was when Dan read the time, and it was like about 50 minutes in.

[32:26] We're like, what the fuck?

Dan McCoy

[32:27] There's another hour to this?

[32:29] We're not even halfway through this fucking thing.

[32:31] But it turned out we were.

[32:32] Yeah, well, now I feel good.

[32:34] What are we, like four hours into this film?

[32:36] What's going on?

[32:37] Yeah, that was witty.

[32:39] Shut up.

[32:39] I'm going to punch you in the ear.

Stuart Wellington

[32:41] Okay, so my review.

[32:44] I didn't like it very much, sorry.

[32:46] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[32:47] I would recommend this movie to people who are trying to get off the couch and motivate

[32:51] themselves to clean out their garage, because after a couple minutes, you're like, there's

[32:56] some things I need to do right now, aren't there?

[32:58] Maybe I should go get the lint out from behind the dryer.

[33:01] Go hunt down a manic.

[33:04] You start thinking like, I don't know if I need all those old magazines in the basement.

[33:08] Maybe I'll go through them now and look through and see which ones I'll keep.

Dan McCoy

[33:11] Sure, they're fire hazard, so better get ready.

Elliott Kalan

[33:13] Oh, maybe it's time to repave the drive.

[33:15] I think I'll do that now.

Dan McCoy

[33:17] Wow.

[33:18] That's pretty easy.

[33:19] This is a terrible movie.

[33:20] Yeah.

[33:21] No, I gotta agree.

[33:23] My main problem with this movie is it seems hard to fuck up.

[33:27] I mean, like, it seems easy to fuck up.

[33:29] To be fair, there have been a lot of bad caveman movies.

[33:31] No, no, no.

[33:32] All right.

[33:32] Let me finish.

[33:33] It seems easy to fuck up, but it seems easy to fuck up in an entertaining way.

[33:37] Yeah, that's true.

[33:38] Like, you imagine, okay, all right, it's a bad movie about prehistory.

[33:43] I mean, it's not really a caveman movie.

[33:44] It's a little past that, but still.

[33:46] Let's say it's a caveman movie.

[33:48] You think of a caveman movie.

[33:49] You think of a movie with woolly mammoths in it.

[33:52] Yeah.

[33:52] And you're like, all right, as stupid as it's going to be, it's going to be pretty funny.

[33:56] Like, there's going to be zany woolly mammoth hunting antics in it.

Elliott Kalan

[34:01] Someone's going to wear a fur bikini.

[34:02] Yeah, no, it's going to be fun.

[34:04] From the original Teenage Caveman with Robert Vaughn to Larry Clark's Teenage Caveman remake,

[34:09] those movies are hilariously bad.

[34:11] Yeah, but this movie was...

[34:12] Encino Man?

[34:14] Yeah.

[34:14] What I like about Encino Man is that I want Brendan Fraser to complete the trilogy of Man Out of Time movies.

[34:21] Encino Man, Blast from the Past, where's his one where he's a guy from the future who comes back and doesn't understand?

Dan McCoy

[34:27] Brendan, balls in your court.

Elliott Kalan

[34:29] Get out of the center of the earth.

Dan McCoy

[34:32] But my point is just that, you know, I was expecting some cheesy fun.

[34:36] Certainly based on the trailer, I thought I would just be like, oh, there's just going to be a bunch of CGI prehistoric monsters attacking.

[34:43] No.

[34:44] It's all prophecies.

[34:46] It's all walking around.

[34:48] It's all slave children.

[34:49] It's all you're the chosen one.

[34:52] And it's just incredibly dull.

[34:55] Yeah, it's very boring.

[34:56] So don't watch this movie.

[34:57] Please.

[34:58] Please don't.

[34:58] Learn from our mistake.

[35:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:01] Yeah, that was terrible.

[35:02] Speaking of which, Brendan Fraser, we better do the mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor when it's on DVD.

[35:06] You better believe it.

[35:08] It has the line in it, I hate mummies.

Stuart Wellington

[35:10] Which is so perfect.

[35:13] Well, it's tough in a trailer because you're making the audience be like, you know what?

Dan McCoy

[35:18] I don't like mummies that much either.

Elliott Kalan

[35:20] Why would I go see this movie?

[35:22] The character who says it is his comedy sidekick who in the first mummy movie didn't believe in mummies.

[35:27] So when I saw that line, I was like, this character has had a real character arc throughout this series of not believing in mummies through being so experienced with them that he knows he doesn't like them.

Dan McCoy

[35:35] To be fair, you watch the trailer and you're like, that line was meant to be tongue in cheek.

[35:40] Yeah.

[35:40] However, it's delivered in such a way.

[35:43] Yeah, that it's not.

[35:44] That any sexual humor is like.

Stuart Wellington

[35:45] Like, oh, audience, remember, this character hates mummies.

Dan McCoy

[35:48] Remember?

[35:49] Remember the series is about mummies.

[35:51] It's in the title of the series.

Elliott Kalan

[35:52] Remember, even though it looks like they're just fighting terracotta warriors?

[35:55] And Jelly.

[35:56] Those are mummies.

[35:57] And Jelly.

Dan McCoy

[35:57] Jelly doesn't look anything like a mummy.

[35:58] And a dragon.

[35:59] Remember?

[35:59] The mummy?

[36:00] And then the mummy returned.

[36:02] Oh, yeah, there's a dragon.

[36:02] And then the mummy tombed of the drabid warriors.

[36:04] And the scorpion king.

[36:06] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:07] The scorpion king belonged to the line.

[36:07] I love that the mummy movies, they felt, were strong enough to spin off the kind of semi-villain of one of them into the hero of his own, Conan the Barbarian.

[36:16] And that Dwayne Johnson.

[36:18] The Rock Johnson.

[36:19] Was such a huge star that he was going to pull this off.

Dan McCoy

[36:21] Michael Clarke Duncan was in that, too.

Elliott Kalan

[36:23] Elliot, he can raise one eyebrow independent of the other eyebrow.

[36:26] It was basically Conan the Barbarian.

[36:27] Michael Clarke Duncan was James Earl Jones.

[36:29] Yeah, sure.

[36:29] Because they're both large African-American men.

Stuart Wellington

[36:32] So he was Thulsa Doom?

Elliott Kalan

[36:34] Yes.

[36:35] I didn't watch Scorpion.

[36:37] I don't remember if he was a hero or a villain in Scorpion.

Stuart Wellington

[36:39] So that would be difficult to relate him to Thulsa Doom because he was pretty much a villain in that movie.

Dan McCoy

[36:43] It's true, yeah.

[36:44] Well, let's not talk about spin-offs that no one watched.

[36:47] Let's talk about movies that we actually want to recommend to people.

[36:49] Okay.

[36:51] Elliot, have you seen a movie of late that you would actually recommend in contrast to 10,000 B.C.?

Elliott Kalan

[36:56] I haven't actually seen too many movies lately, unfortunately, due to various movings around and things.

[37:04] But I'll tell you one movie I saw that was great.

[37:06] I don't want to step on your guys' toes if you were going to suggest this.

[37:09] But Pixar's latest film, WALL-E, everyone seems to know by now, is amazing.

Dan McCoy

[37:14] Not an underrated choice.

Elliott Kalan

[37:16] This is in no way an underrated gem that is overlooked.

[37:22] I would agree.

[37:22] I thought it was really great.

Dan McCoy

[37:23] I thought it was fantastic.

[37:25] Thank you.

[37:27] I don't know why I said that.

[37:27] I didn't make it.

[37:28] Thank you for backing up my recommendation of an amazing cartoon movie.

[37:32] We've got Andrew Stanton on here.

[37:34] We've called him Elliot Kalin, but it's director of WALL-E.

Elliott Kalan

[37:39] But other than that, I watched a movie.

[37:41] I watched Vanishing Point recently, but I was kind of disappointed by it.

[37:44] The original?

Stuart Wellington

[37:44] Yeah.

[37:45] Yeah, it's a little disappointing.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] A little slow.

[37:48] It's also, well, it's one of those movies where, like...

Dan McCoy

[37:49] You just have a naked woman riding around on a motorcycle for a very, very, very long time.

Elliott Kalan

[37:55] Yeah, to the point where it becomes boring.

Dan McCoy

[37:57] Yeah, you're like, all right, get off the motorcycle and put a robe on, please.

Elliott Kalan

[38:02] Put something on so that I can imagine what you look like, and that'll be hotter.

[38:05] But there's one of those movies also that was made in the late 60s, early 70s, kind of through the late 70s, early 80s,

[38:12] where it's like, this guy plays by his own rules.

[38:15] He's the spirit of freedom.

[38:17] Like, the man's trying to put him down, but he's trying to live his life.

[38:20] But he's a reckless driver who endangers dozens, if not hundreds of people.

[38:23] Yeah, there's only particularly sympathetic about him.

[38:25] The movie opens with him about to drive through a roadblock,

[38:31] and then it flashes back to him picking up some speed pills

[38:33] so that he can zoom around on the public highways and screw up family vacations and stuff.

[38:40] It was hard for me to find him and be sympathetic.

[38:42] Yeah, that was his main goal, screwing up family vacations.

[38:44] He was just looking for station wagons that he could knock off the road.

[38:47] Going to the shore?

[38:48] Not anymore.

[38:49] Also, I don't know why.

[38:50] He's supposed to deliver a white Challenger from Denver to San Francisco,

[38:54] and the car keeps getting really dirty and banged up during the trip.

[38:58] And I just kept thinking, the guy who bought that Challenger isn't going to want to take it.

[39:01] It's so dirty now, and it's so banged up from all his misadventures.

[39:04] It's not worth all the effort is what you're saying.

[39:06] Yes, pretty much.

[39:07] But, I mean, the movie had some good scenes in it,

[39:09] and it's very much a capsule of its time.

[39:11] You can hear the lyrics to Mississippi Queen very clearly.

[39:15] So, you know, if you ever wanted to know what those are.

[39:18] Sure.

[39:18] But Wally was great.

[39:19] Stuart, do you have anything?

Stuart Wellington

[39:21] Yeah, I don't know.

[39:23] I watched People Under the Stairs recently, and that was really good.

[39:30] Because it was really weird.

[39:31] I'd seen it before.

[39:32] You watched the movie, The People Under the Stairs.

[39:34] Yeah, I didn't watch The People Under the Stairs, like, eat a human or something.

[39:37] That would have been weird.

[39:38] The people in your apartment who live under the stairs.

[39:40] Yeah, that would have been fucking crazy.

[39:43] And, I don't know.

[39:45] I watched the show Dexter recently, and that kind of sucked.

[39:48] And then I watched the movie.

[39:50] Again, you don't really understand the concept.

[39:52] I know.

[39:52] I'm trying to figure it out.

[39:53] I watched The Tripper, the movie where there's this.

[39:58] David Arquette.

[39:59] The guy in the Ronald Reagan mask?

[40:00] Yeah.

[40:01] Well, kind of.

[40:02] He's got, it seems more than just a mask.

[40:04] I mean, it's pretty good makeup.

[40:05] I just saw the posters.

[40:07] Where Thomas Jane with a mustache beats up a guy in Ronald Reagan makeup.

[40:12] And, I don't know.

[40:14] I guess that was okay.

Dan McCoy

[40:16] So, you said The Tripper.

[40:17] Is that your recommendation?

[40:18] Yeah, I was hanging out with.

[40:20] If we're going to take one thing away from what you say.

[40:23] Well, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:23] I mean, I liked Hellboy 2, but I don't think that's underrated in any way.

[40:27] So, I'm going to go with.

[40:29] Yeah, if you feel like watching The Tripper, yeah, you can do it.

[40:32] I did it.

Dan McCoy

[40:34] Stuart gives you permission to watch The Tripper.

[40:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:36] You can imagine you're me hanging out with my dog, Rusty, who has three legs.

Dan McCoy

[40:41] Yeah, Stuart has a dog that has three legs, everyone.

[40:44] That's a piece of news for you.

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] It's pretty amazing, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[40:47] Kind of.

[40:48] That's science.

Elliott Kalan

[40:50] You know what?

[40:50] I'm also going to recommend The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp.

[40:52] There you go.

[40:53] That's a movie a lot of people probably haven't seen.

[40:54] So, done.

[40:55] Sure.

[40:56] You've probably seen WALL-E.

[40:57] You might have seen Vanishing Point.

[40:59] I don't think you've seen The Life and Death of Colonel Blimp.

[41:01] It's very good.

[41:02] All right.

Dan McCoy

[41:05] I watched recently.

[41:06] Are you laughing?

[41:07] I know Colonel Blimp.

[41:09] I know.

Elliott Kalan

[41:09] I'm just trying to think of a movie I actually saw recently that people wouldn't have heard

[41:13] of that they would like.

Dan McCoy

[41:16] I watched Sunshine recently.

[41:19] The science fiction one?

[41:21] The science fiction film.

[41:21] Or the three generations of a European Jewish family one?

[41:23] Yeah.

[41:23] The science fiction.

[41:24] The Danny Boyle film.

[41:27] That was.

[41:28] Wait.

[41:29] Is that the one with Sylvester Sloan or is that Daylight?

[41:31] That's Daylight.

[41:33] Okay.

[41:33] That's a movie about getting trapped in a tunnel.

[41:35] Okay.

[41:36] I'm talking about the one about restarting the sun with a nuclear bomb starring Cillian

[41:41] Murphy.

[41:42] So Sylvester Sloan isn't in that one?

[41:44] No.

[41:44] Okay.

[41:45] Unless he played like the ship.

[41:47] Like the voice of the ship and I didn't realize it.

Elliott Kalan

[41:49] That's not the John Sayles movie about the sheriff, right?

Dan McCoy

[41:52] No.

[41:52] That's Lone Star.

[41:53] Oh.

[41:53] Okay.

[41:54] You're thinking of Lone Star.

Elliott Kalan

[41:55] I got mixed up with Lone Star, the cartoon about the space cowboy from when we were kids.

[41:59] I was just thinking of space.

Dan McCoy

[42:01] Sure.

[42:01] No, but I watched Sunshine, a movie that was not a forgotten movie by any means, but I

[42:08] don't think it was a big hit either.

[42:10] It kind of passed under the radar.

[42:12] It came and it went.

[42:13] And I really liked it.

[42:14] I really liked it, honestly.

Elliott Kalan

[42:17] Is it a, was this what I got from the advertisements, was that it was a more positive version of Event

[42:22] Horizon?

[42:23] It was a version of.

[42:25] That sounds great.

Dan McCoy

[42:26] Tell me more.

[42:26] It was a version of Event Horizon that made much more sense.

[42:31] Oh, okay.

[42:31] Like, my problem with Event Horizon is like...

[42:33] Sam Neill?

Elliott Kalan

[42:34] No.

[42:35] Sam Neill rips his own eyes out.

[42:36] That's amazing.

[42:37] My problem with Event Horizon...

[42:39] We're going with our beat eyes.

Dan McCoy

[42:39] And I've said this before.

Elliott Kalan

[42:41] I don't think he actually says that.

[42:42] He says that, I think.

[42:43] Does he?

[42:43] I think he's just quoting Back to the Future then.

Dan McCoy

[42:47] It's really weird.

[42:48] My problem with Event Horizon, and I've said this before, is like, all right, fine.

[42:51] Haunted house movie in space.

[42:53] Fine.

[42:53] Whatever.

[42:54] However...

[42:54] I got it.

[42:55] Whatever.

[42:55] Chill out.

[42:57] Stop with the scares.

[42:58] All right, movie.

[42:59] Let it go.

[43:00] I understand your premise.

[43:01] A horror movie has to have some internal logic to it.

Elliott Kalan

[43:07] Not if it's an Argento film.

Dan McCoy

[43:09] Well, I hate fucking Argento movies.

Elliott Kalan

[43:11] Not if it's in outer space.

[43:13] Good point.

[43:13] Logic doesn't work in space.

Dan McCoy

[43:14] My point is, like, if a movie's just like...

[43:18] That's why all those...

Stuart Wellington

[43:18] This is a scary image.

[43:20] Here's another scary image.

[43:23] This is scary, too.

Dan McCoy

[43:24] And they have no connection to each other.

[43:25] I'm like, that's not scary.

[43:26] That's stupid.

[43:26] You've never been into space, I think.

[43:28] All right.

[43:29] You got me there.

[43:30] Everything happens like crazy all the time.

[43:33] But no, Sunshine, you know, like, it's a movie that actually does not start out.

[43:38] I mean, it basically just starts out as a science fiction movie and sort of like a meditative science fiction movie.

[43:44] But ultimately, it actually kind of becomes a horror movie.

[43:46] It's more than just a horror movie, but it becomes one.

[43:49] But it has one thing in common with one of my favorite horror movies of recent years, which is The Descent.

[43:56] Oh, okay.

[43:56] Which is that before the real horror of the film starts, the setup is already scary.

[44:05] Like in The Descent, where, you know, like, okay, we're trapped in a cave-in in these uncharted caves, and then troglodytes come out.

[44:17] Like, before you add the troglodytes, it's pretty already a scary scenario.

Stuart Wellington

[44:21] Yeah, but when you add trogs in there, that shit gets scary, man.

Dan McCoy

[44:24] Yeah, and this movie, you know, it's like, okay, we're in a ship that's going to the sun, and if we screw up at all and don't have, like, the sun shield in front of us, we're going to burn up.

[44:34] That's already, like, a very tense situation.

[44:37] Sure.

[44:37] And then add, like, this, like, sort of wild card, like, level on force.

[44:42] I don't want to, you know, like, spoil too much of it.

[44:43] It's like Saturn 3.

[44:44] Don't spoil it.

[44:45] But, yeah, no, it's creepy.

Elliott Kalan

[44:46] It's like Stanley Donnan's sci-fi horror tour de force Saturn 3.

Dan McCoy

[44:50] Yeah, I've never seen it.

[44:51] It's like Leprechaun 4, Leprechaun in space.

[44:54] Oh, yeah.

[44:54] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[44:55] Oh, because he jumps into someone's dick through their pee?

[44:59] Yeah, I think he does that.

[45:00] Just like in Leprechaun 4?

Dan McCoy

[45:02] It's exactly like Jason X.

Elliott Kalan

[45:04] What other movies are in space?

[45:08] Oh, a couple of the Critters movies, I think.

[45:10] Space Chimps.

Dan McCoy

[45:10] Space Chimps.

[45:12] Yeah, that one.

[45:13] Space Cowboys.

[45:13] Fly Boys.

[45:14] The second.

[45:14] Space Camp.

[45:15] There are two CGI, like, computer animated films coming out.

[45:21] One after the other.

[45:22] Space Chimps and Fly Boys about animals who are astronauts.

[45:28] Well, they come in pairs.

[45:28] Space Chimps are space chimps, obviously.

[45:30] And then Fly Boys are apparently flies who hitch a ride on the space shuttle.

Elliott Kalan

[45:35] I can't imagine a more boring movie than flies on a space shuttle.

Dan McCoy

[45:40] Or potentially disgusting.

[45:42] Unless there's, like, a creepy, like, Twilight Zone ending where they just, like, you know,

[45:45] like, Buzz Aldrin just, like, fucking slaps the flies dead.

[45:48] And you're like, well, there goes our heroes.

Elliott Kalan

[45:50] Or that's why they call them Buzz or something.

[45:52] But, no, but it's, like, because flies are so small that it's not like they're going to

[45:57] unbalance the oxygen on the ship or anything.

Stuart Wellington

[46:00] Or, like, they're going to, like, rescue everybody by, like, hitting a dial or some shit.

Elliott Kalan

[46:05] That's probably what happens.

[46:06] They have to jump really hard on a button.

[46:08] Oh, right.

[46:09] I bet.

[46:10] That sounds good.

Stuart Wellington

[46:11] Let me, uh.

[46:11] We should watch that, man.

Dan McCoy

[46:13] Yeah, let me tie this up a little bit, though, this show.

Stuart Wellington

[46:16] This umbilical cord of a podcast.

Dan McCoy

[46:17] Yeah, and say, um.

[46:19] This one's been bad.

Stuart Wellington

[46:20] Whoa, whoa.

[46:21] Whoa.

[46:22] I mean, 10,000 BC was bad.

Dan McCoy

[46:24] Don't get down on yourself.

[46:25] Hey.

[46:26] Hey, you guys.

[46:28] Hey, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[46:29] Cheer up.

[46:29] Hey, speaking of which, did we get any responses for our watch-a-movie with the Flophouse crew?

[46:33] No, we got none.

[46:34] Oh, my God.

Dan McCoy

[46:35] That was exactly what I was going to get into.

[46:36] We got absolutely no responses.

[46:39] And I think part of the problem is we were.

[46:42] They don't know who we're.

[46:43] We were shamefully vague about this contest.

[46:45] About the rules of the contest?

[46:46] So, um, here's the thing.

[46:48] You have to be 18 or older.

[46:50] Yeah.

[46:50] Sure, yeah.

[46:51] All expenses paid by you, the contest contestant.

Elliott Kalan

[46:56] But the expenses are not much.

[46:57] It's just getting to Brooklyn, New York.

[47:00] Stuart's apartment in Brooklyn.

Stuart Wellington

[47:01] Oh, yeah.

[47:02] It's going to be my place.

[47:04] Basically, the prize is watch a movie with the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[47:07] Get to be part of the podcast.

[47:08] Get to be part of the podcast.

[47:10] Oh, wow.

[47:12] Where do I sign up?

[47:14] At Stuart's apartment.

[47:15] At Stuart's apartment.

[47:15] You get free beers that we buy.

[47:18] Also, probably snacks.

[47:21] And all you have to do is you got to send in an email.

[47:23] And here's what I'm going to say more specifically.

[47:26] Put in the subject heading of the email.

[47:29] Flophouse contest.

[47:31] That's good.

[47:32] So, they shouldn't say, like, free dick enlargement or something?

[47:35] Yeah, no.

[47:35] That will go straight to the spam filter.

Elliott Kalan

[47:38] Oh, that's too bad.

[47:39] What if they spell free FR33?

Dan McCoy

[47:42] That's all right, then.

Elliott Kalan

[47:43] Okay.

[47:43] So, dick enlarger people, if you want to get through Dan's spam filter, free should be FR33.

[47:49] Yeah.

[47:50] But, um...

[47:51] And you should probably spell penis Pen15.

Dan McCoy

[47:54] And there's a very vague, um...

[47:56] I've been a bird by that one before.

[47:57] Very, very rules to this podcast.

[47:59] Okay, so, yeah.

[48:00] They, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] Yeah, maybe people...

[48:02] Flophouse podcast contest or something.

[48:04] And in the subject line, Flophouse contest.

[48:07] And then in the body of the email, what should they do?

[48:11] Just explain in a hundred words or less why they love the Flophouse?

Dan McCoy

[48:15] I thought that they were supposed to do something awesome for the Flophouse.

[48:17] Oh, that's right.

Elliott Kalan

[48:18] To bring attention to the Flophouse.

[48:19] To bring attention to us.

Stuart Wellington

[48:21] I thought they should just write about the worst movie they've ever seen and why it's known as 40 Days and 40 Nights.

[48:26] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[48:27] You can do any of those things.

[48:28] Everyone, free form contest.

Dan McCoy

[48:31] Put Flophouse podcast or Flophouse contest...

[48:33] As long as it says Flophouse contest in the subject line.

[48:35] In the subject line.

[48:36] You are entered.

[48:37] And then do something.

[48:39] Get us new listeners.

[48:41] We'd prefer that one.

[48:42] Send us a drawing or a picture.

[48:45] Write us a poem.

[48:46] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[48:46] Or a song.

[48:48] Write Stuart a love letter.

[48:50] Write a one-act play.

[48:51] Write a one-act play about like...

[48:54] It's like a dwarf in Nazi Germany.

[48:57] Like that book.

[48:59] The Tindrum.

[49:00] What?

[49:01] The Tindrum?

[49:02] Stones from the River or whatever it's called.

[49:04] The Tindrum also works.

[49:05] Wait, what were you going to say?

[49:07] That's the German.

[49:09] Oh.

[49:10] Sorry.

Dan McCoy

[49:11] Do any of those things.

Elliott Kalan

[49:12] This is America.

[49:14] We speak English now.

Dan McCoy

[49:16] I believe in perestroika.

[49:18] Says Tango and Cash.

[49:20] Anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[49:20] I believe...

[49:21] Oh, I thought you were doing the guy from The Godfather.

[49:23] No, no, no.

[49:23] As a contest.

[49:24] I was doing a quote.

[49:25] So wait, are we done yet?

[49:26] It's Tango and Cash.

[49:27] We're going to go see Tango and Cash tomorrow, right?

[49:29] No, it's not tomorrow.

[49:30] It's August 23rd.

[49:31] It's July 23rd.

[49:32] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[49:32] I'm explaining the fucking contest.

[49:34] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[49:35] Listeners.

Dan McCoy

[49:36] Keep moving, dude.

[49:37] Get free to theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

Elliott Kalan

[49:42] Theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[49:44] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[49:45] Yeah, theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[49:47] Subject line, Flophouse contest.

[49:49] And body will be things like...

[49:52] By Jake.

[49:52] Possibly, yep.

[49:53] Possibly attachments of topless photos.

[49:56] Who knows?

Dan McCoy

[49:57] Stuart, please stop trying to get our constituents to send topless photos.

Elliott Kalan

[50:02] Constituents?

[50:03] Yeah, we're not elected officials, Dan.

[50:05] We appointed ourselves.

[50:07] Says you.

Dan McCoy

[50:08] Anyway, there's one more thing that I wanted to say, and that's...

[50:12] If you go to theflophousepodcast.blogspot.com, on the sidebar, there's a button there that

[50:18] says, take a survey.

[50:23] And the reason that that's there is...

[50:26] If you click that button, you'll be directed to a short survey that gives us sort of demographic

[50:32] information about you as a listener.

[50:35] And the reason that we have that button there is because we're hooked up with a company...

[50:43] We can maybe get a little...

[50:45] It's called EvilCore.

[50:46] Yeah.

[50:47] EvilCore Incorporated.

[50:49] And we can get a little sponsorship.

[50:52] And I know that people think that sponsorship is evil, but I promise you that we will not

[50:59] make any money off of this podcast ever.

[51:02] Basically, if we get any sort of sponsorship, it will just cover our basic operating costs.

Elliott Kalan

[51:10] And also, who says, why would you say sponsorship is evil?

[51:13] All the great painters have had patrons who took care of them.

[51:18] You think Shakespeare didn't have sponsors?

[51:19] He totally did.

[51:20] Michelangelo.

[51:21] Michelangelo was sponsored by the Choich, among other things.

[51:24] I turned into a Bowery boy briefly.

[51:27] And, you know, who else?

[51:29] El Greco, I'm sure.

[51:31] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[51:32] But...

Elliott Kalan

[51:32] Other painters.

[51:34] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[51:35] I'm fucking going into a daze.

[51:37] I can't even remember what I'm talking about.

[51:38] You're talking about sponsorships.

[51:40] So people should check that shit out.

[51:42] So they should click on the sponsor.

[51:43] If we get money for a sponsorship, you know, that covers the bandwidth.

[51:47] It covers the equipment.

[51:49] It covers the Coors Light that we need to give to Stuart to make him be funny.

[51:52] Just to wake him up.

[51:53] What?

[51:54] Or to make him enjoy life.

[51:58] So that's a good thing, too.

[52:00] So...

[52:00] But we've talked for a long time, and this has been a shitty movie, so we should sign off.

Stuart Wellington

[52:06] So don't watch 10,000 BC.

[52:08] It fucking sucks.

Elliott Kalan

[52:09] Who's our sponsor?

[52:10] Oh, no.

[52:10] It's 10,000 BC on DVD.

[52:13] Oh!

[52:14] Good.

Dan McCoy

[52:16] Well, as Stuart fades his own music out, I'll just say that...

Elliott Kalan

[52:26] That's how he leaves rooms, too.

[52:28] Exactly.

[52:29] You guys need anything in the kitchen?

[52:30] Because I'm going to get something.

[52:31] All right.

[52:35] Hey, I got to hit the job.

Stuart Wellington

[52:40] Nice.

Dan McCoy

[52:41] Everybody's already done it.

Stuart Wellington

[52:42] So, hey, for the Flophouse, I've been sick.

[52:46] And Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[52:47] I've been Dan McCoy.

[52:49] I remain Elliot Kalin.

[52:50] Good night, everyone.

Elliott Kalan

[52:52] Bye.

[52:54] K-men are boring.

[52:55] I guess that's what we learned from this.

[53:04] What's a mammoth?

[53:04] It's a mammoth.

[53:05] Oh, fuck that.

Stuart Wellington

[53:07] It's like calling little kids younglings.

Elliott Kalan

[53:09] That was the dumbest.

[53:12] Younglings.

Stuart Wellington

[53:13] Annie, did you kill a shitload of younglings?

[53:16] Like, I don't know.

[53:18] I think so.

[53:19] Wait, are those...

[53:20] Are those children, you mean?

[53:21] Because...

[53:22] I killed some of them.

[53:23] Because you can just call them that.

[53:24] Call them children next time.

Elliott Kalan

[53:26] Because, like, we use the same word for food, or space, or moon, or clothing, or you, or person,

[53:33] or...

[53:33] We don't need a different word for children, do we?

[53:36] Except poodoo means poop.

[53:37] Well, that's in Hud East.

The Flop House: Episode #20 - 10,000 B.C.

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