The Flop House: Episode #31 - Swing Vote

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this new era of hope and change, we discuss Swing Vote, the world's most irrelevant political satire.

[0:30] Hello and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Elliot Kalin. And I'm Will Hines.

[0:38] That's right, we have a guest because Stuart was called away to Baltimore. No doubt Stringer Bell is up to his old tricks.

Elliott Kalan

[0:47] Stuart's the man to stop him. He had to go team up with Omar on something.

Dan McCoy

[0:51] Exactly. Elliot's now started watching The Wire so he can start making these jokes.

Elliott Kalan

[0:54] I've seen the first four of the 25 discs in the series. That's pretty good.

S3

[0:59] It's not bad though for five seasons. That's like when it starts to get good. It requires more investment of time than any other series that's been raved about.

Elliott Kalan

[1:06] I liked it from the first episode. I can see it getting richer over time.

Dan McCoy

[1:12] But this isn't The Wirecast. No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:15] If only. This was The Wirehouse.

Dan McCoy

[1:18] The Wirehouse. That sounds like a good indie band.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21] It does sound like a good indie band.

[1:23] Okay guys, tonight we found The Wirehouse. The best indie band on the market.

Dan McCoy

[1:28] I call tambourine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] Oh, so it's that kind of indie band.

S3

[1:31] We find indie band and we take over for them.

Dan McCoy

[1:33] So, Will.

[1:35] Yes.

[1:35] Let's introduce Will. He teaches at the Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York City.

S3

[1:41] That's great. I'm just curious what you knew about me.

[1:44] Because we've met in passing at a couple of different events.

[1:46] I don't know how much information you actually picked up.

[1:48] But that's right, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:49] He's a...

[1:50] How much information?

[1:51] I don't know.

[1:52] I know that you're a comics fan.

[1:53] Yeah, that's right.

S3

[1:54] I do.

[1:54] I love comics.

Dan McCoy

[1:55] Owns cats.

[1:56] He owns cats.

[1:57] Yes.

[1:58] He's a sketch and improv...

[2:00] Dude.

[2:01] Dude.

[2:01] Yep.

[2:02] And I was on the internet today.

[2:04] Oh yeah.

[2:04] And I saw that you have a role in the upcoming film, The Mystery Team.

[2:09] Oh yeah, that's right.

[2:09] Which was at Sundance.

[2:10] The Derek Comedy.

S3

[2:11] Yeah, it was at Sundance.

[2:11] So technically I was at Sundance.

[2:13] I was viewed at Sundance.

Dan McCoy

[2:15] That got a lot of good reviews from The Onion.

[2:17] Yeah, it's a very good movie.

S3

[2:18] I have two lines of exposition.

[2:20] The name of my guy was Reasonable Principle.

[2:23] I'm not kidding.

[2:24] I established the main character.

[2:26] And then that's it.

[2:28] But it was really fun.

[2:29] I was pretty glad.

Dan McCoy

[2:29] Now I have this right.

[2:30] Let's see if I have it right.

[2:32] It's a movie about an aging team of boy detectives.

[2:36] Yeah.

[2:37] A la the Hardy Boys or the Three Investigators.

S3

[2:39] Right, but now they're almost out of high school and they're still solving crimes the same way.

[2:42] But they have to solve a murder with those techniques.

[2:45] So that sounds like a fun movie.

Elliott Kalan

[2:46] I'll make that movie.

[2:48] Yeah.

[2:48] I've accepted your pitch.

[2:49] I'm not pitching to you.

[2:50] Well, we're in production.

[2:51] I'm giving us a green light.

[2:52] Yeah, it's a really funny idea.

S3

[2:54] So when can I expect the script by?

[2:57] I guess it's already written and shot and produced.

[3:00] So later tonight I could email it to you.

[3:02] It doesn't matter because other people have made it and own it.

[3:04] Let's get this thing in the can.

[3:05] I'm excited to be working on it.

[3:06] If you see the script, it won't matter.

[3:07] This is going to be our next big production.

[3:09] As your friend, if you make this movie, you'll be wasting your time.

[3:12] I see.

[3:12] If somebody else owns it.

Elliott Kalan

[3:13] Michael Cera and maybe.

[3:14] You'll probably get sued.

[3:15] You'll probably get sued.

S3

[3:16] If you actually make that happen, you might be able to have your movie surpass this one currently.

Elliott Kalan

[3:20] I think I see who else is big on the team.

[3:23] I think I can get Miley Cyrus for this.

[3:25] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[3:25] Well, this is a legal problem waiting to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] And I'm going to call it The Derek Movie.

[3:29] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[3:30] About oil derricks.

[3:32] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[3:33] So, but.

[3:34] A movie about oil derricks.

[3:36] Yeah.

[3:36] Like Siriana.

[3:37] Oh, yeah.

[3:38] You're right.

[3:38] I was going to say, why hasn't that been made before?

[3:40] But I guess it has.

Dan McCoy

[3:41] Yep.

[3:41] But we didn't watch the mystery team tonight.

[3:43] We watched Swing Vote.

[3:45] Yes.

[3:46] A political movie in this new era of hope.

[3:48] Almost a political fable, really.

S3

[3:50] Kind of.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] Yeah.

[3:51] I would say that's about right.

[3:52] The only thing keeping it from being a totally fable, political fable, is that there was no magic or supernatural happening.

[3:58] Right.

[3:58] No wizards.

[3:59] No wizards, unfortunately.

[4:01] Right.

[4:01] Or gnomes.

S3

[4:02] But a movie where a presidential election comes down to the vote of a single man.

[4:06] Mm-hmm.

[4:07] And you're not going to believe which man, the least likely guy.

Elliott Kalan

[4:11] No, I know what you're thinking.

[4:12] It's obviously going to be a college professor.

[4:14] Someone who's suited to make that choice.

[4:15] Someone who's an education, a historian.

[4:16] Someone who reads the paper now and then.

[4:18] Yeah.

[4:18] Nope.

[4:19] No way.

S3

[4:20] Wrong again, wrong again.

[4:20] This is like the worst guy.

[4:23] If you had to pick one guy to have a vote, this guy would be way toward the bottom of the list.

[4:26] He is the last vote you would swing.

Dan McCoy

[4:28] I wouldn't go that far.

[4:29] I mean, like, he's not a serial killer or something.

Elliott Kalan

[4:32] But a serial killer might have some good ideas.

S3

[4:34] A serial killer would have some focus.

Elliott Kalan

[4:35] Yeah, like, he's got an issue.

S3

[4:37] Let me just.

[4:37] Killing.

[4:38] Just the same way the movie established the character.

[4:39] But he's a single issue voter.

Elliott Kalan

[4:40] I really vote on one issue.

[4:42] Yeah.

[4:42] Getting the voices in my head to stop.

[4:44] Right.

[4:44] Single issue voter.

Dan McCoy

[4:45] No good.

[4:46] That would be an easy guy to pander to, though.

[4:48] Mm-hmm.

[4:48] I mean, you know, I imagine a pardon, a presidential pardon would be involved somehow.

S3

[4:52] If Charlie Coffin wrote the movie, it would be like a multiple schizophrenic

[4:56] who was the one guy.

[4:57] It was like four different movies going on at once, each pandering to the different personalities.

Elliott Kalan

[5:01] Well, if he needed a pardon, that would mean he'd been convicted, in which case he's a felon.

Dan McCoy

[5:05] Well, but as you pointed out, Elliot, Kevin Costner's character is a two-time felon.

Elliott Kalan

[5:10] And what is the name of Kevin Costner's character?

Dan McCoy

[5:12] His name was Ernest Johnson.

S3

[5:16] Nicknamed Bud.

[5:17] Bud.

[5:17] The names in this movie are awesomely not imaginative in every way.

Elliott Kalan

[5:22] What was the name of the reporter that-

[5:24] Kate Madison.

[5:25] His daughter's name is-

[5:26] Kate Madison.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] That sounds like a Disney Channel singer, you know, like a youthful singer.

[5:30] Definitely.

[5:31] She sounds constructed.

Elliott Kalan

[5:32] The presidential candidates are Greenleaf and I think Boone is the other one.

[5:38] Boone, yeah.

[5:39] Boone is-

[5:39] Well, we should start from-

Dan McCoy

[5:40] You should guess which one's the Democrat, though.

Elliott Kalan

[5:42] Oh, yes.

[5:42] Boone or Boone.

[5:44] Greenleaf.

[5:45] Well, during the movie, you couldn't remember the name of the other-

[5:48] Republican, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:48] And you're like, what's his name?

[5:49] Money Weapon?

[5:50] Yeah.

[5:50] I thought that was-

[5:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:52] Elliot.

[5:52] Greenleaf.

[5:53] You're good at quickly summing up the plots of things.

[5:56] Yes.

[5:56] Okay.

[5:57] Why don't you do that rapidly?

[5:58] Sure.

[5:58] Well-

[5:58] You're a blurb machine.

Elliott Kalan

[5:59] Thank you.

[6:01] Blurb machine.

[6:02] Activate.

[6:04] We're introduced to Kevin Costner.

[6:06] He plays Ernest Johnson.

[6:08] He's not very good at anything.

[6:09] He works at an egg factory with a lot of Mexicans and Judge Reinhold.

[6:13] And his daughter is very smart.

[6:15] She is the-

[6:17] She's like the Lisa Simpson of this two-person single-parent family.

[6:20] Right.

Dan McCoy

[6:21] She's like a kid in a Neil Simon movie, but she doesn't swear.

[6:24] Exactly.

[6:24] If Marge and Bart and Maggie died somehow.

Elliott Kalan

[6:27] Probably a plane crash.

[6:29] Yeah.

[6:29] And maybe like Marge hangs on for a couple days, but then unfortunately passes away.

S3

[6:33] Boy, that show would take a really different turn.

[6:34] It's a very-

[6:35] Yeah.

[6:35] It's such a sad show.

[6:37] Yeah.

[6:37] It's like Million Dollar Baby of sitcoms.

[6:40] 20 years of happiness and joy, and then the end of it is like, I couldn't even want

[6:43] to watch it anymore.

[6:44] You know?

Elliott Kalan

[6:44] I just-

[6:45] Every episode from before that has been ruined because you know it.

[6:47] Yeah.

[6:47] Like, you can't watch it because you know it's going to happen to these characters.

[6:49] Yeah.

[6:50] Oh, but anyway, so Molly is a prodigy.

[6:52] She's very interested in politics.

[6:54] She's precocious.

[6:55] Yeah.

[6:55] She's very precocious in the way movie kids are.

[6:58] Right.

[6:58] And she takes care of her dad.

S3

[6:59] More than he takes care of her.

[7:00] Yes.

[7:01] Am I the only one who noticed that?

Elliott Kalan

[7:02] Oh, no, wait.

[7:03] We were reminded of that in every scene.

[7:06] Oh, right.

[7:06] Yes.

[7:07] And it's election day's coming up.

[7:08] It's 2008.

[7:09] Yeah.

[7:09] Most important election of our lifetime between two white guys.

[7:12] Yeah.

[7:12] Who won's vaguely Republican and one's vaguely Democrat.

[7:15] Yeah.

[7:15] And she says to him, don't forget to vote, Dad.

[7:18] Dad, I'm supposed to do a report on you voting.

Dan McCoy

[7:20] He even runs into a sign that says, remember to vote.

[7:22] He goes and drinks.

Elliott Kalan

[7:24] Oh, shit.

[7:24] I'm supposed to vote today.

[7:25] Yeah.

[7:25] Runs outside.

[7:26] Hits his head on a-

[7:27] That literally says-

[7:28] It says vote today.

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:29] And hits his head so hard that he has trouble getting to his car and passes out inside of

[7:34] it, which means he must have gotten a concussion.

[7:36] And his daughter, he's not here.

[7:39] Uh-oh.

[7:39] The voting poll is almost closed.

[7:41] The poll watcher's asleep.

[7:43] I'll just sneak in and vote for him.

[7:45] Right.

[7:45] Unfortunately, due to a mishap with a vacuum cleaner that knocks out an electric plug,

[7:50] the machine stops mid-vote, suddenly, uh-oh, the entire election has come down to New

[7:56] Mexico's vote.

[7:57] They're in the town of Texaco, New Mexico.

[7:59] Right.

[7:59] It's split 50%.

[8:00] The rhyming this town around.

[8:01] Yeah.

[8:02] Yeah.

[8:02] Some, and very implausibly, only New Mexico's electoral votes will decide this one.

S3

[8:07] And just this county-

Elliott Kalan

[8:08] Every- this county.

[8:10] Every county in New Mexico is 50-50.

[8:12] Right.

[8:13] Including, we have to assume, absentee ballots.

[8:15] Right.

[8:15] And just this one vote will tip the whole thing.

[8:18] Oh, no!

Dan McCoy

[8:19] Well, as New Mexico goes, so goes the nation, Elliot.

[8:21] As it's all-

[8:21] It's literally been the most important state in the Union.

Elliott Kalan

[8:25] Never, ever has it ever been an important state.

[8:28] Short- long story short, the election board comes and gets him.

[8:31] They tell him, you have to vote.

[8:32] And for some reason, they allow him to just dick around as long as he wants before he votes.

[8:36] Yeah.

[8:36] For like, what seems like two weeks.

[8:37] It's ten days.

[8:38] All right.

[8:39] At the end of it, he says, it's been a crazy ten days.

[8:42] The press finds out-

[8:42] He holds the country hostage.

[8:44] Intrepid local reporter, Kate Madison, and her very excitable boss, George Lopez-

[8:49] Yes.

[8:49] Discover that Bud Johnson is the mystery swing vote after Chris Matthews appears on TV like

[8:55] a thousand times explaining that the election is neck and neck.

[8:59] Yeah.

[8:59] And everyone heads to Texaco and both presidential candidates, one of whom is the incumbent, decides

[9:05] to take about a week off from being president so that they can woo him very personally.

[9:09] Well, he's a lame duck at that point.

S3

[9:11] Not if he wins the election.

[9:12] Well, not.

Dan McCoy

[9:13] But until it's decided.

[9:14] I mean, no one's going to be-

[9:15] Yeah.

S3

[9:16] Of the amazingly high number of unbelievable things, that one's not super crazy.

[9:20] Like, if it did come down to one guy-

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] Only because we've had a president who for eight years would just take vacations for long

[9:24] periods of time.

S3

[9:25] You just wouldn't believe that he would devote the whole ten days to wooing this guy.

[9:28] No.

[9:28] He would take some time.

[9:29] So he would have some days off.

[9:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:30] This is tiring.

[9:31] I'm going to take a day off to just hang around.

[9:32] Well, I've done my part.

[9:34] Like, I imagine there were days when Bush just lay in bed all day.

[9:37] Yeah.

[9:37] Just staring at the ceiling.

[9:38] Mm-hmm.

[9:39] Reading the funnies.

[9:40] They come down.

[9:41] Both candidates start more and more just saying whatever they think Bud wants to hear.

[9:45] His daughter becomes disillusioned with the political process.

[9:49] And-

S3

[9:49] Both candidates leave, abandon their platforms and their parties-

[9:52] Almost completely.

[9:53] Just to pander to Bud.

Elliott Kalan

[9:55] With Boone makes a wildlife preserve out of Bud's favorite fishing hole, so nothing happens

[9:59] to it.

[10:00] And when Bud says he's pro-life because he doesn't know what that term means-

[10:04] Yes.

[10:04] Greenleaf played by-

[10:05] Oh, Kelsey Grammer plays the conservative and Dennis Hopper plays the liberal.

[10:08] Dennis Hopper gives a commercial where he's all in favor of pro- he's very pro-life.

[10:12] Also, Kelsey Grammer comes out as pro-gay marriage.

[10:15] Yes.

[10:15] Because-

[10:15] The Republicans all of a sudden supporting gay marriage.

S3

[10:17] The Democrat is anti-abortion.

[10:19] Yeah.

[10:19] It's a crazy topsy-turvy world.

Elliott Kalan

[10:21] And should I go to the end of the movie or no?

[10:23] Yeah, just jump to it.

[10:23] Just quick.

[10:24] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[10:24] After a while, they- and a very strange tangent where they go find Molly's birth mother

[10:29] who's a drug addict.

[10:30] Yeah, she's clearly strung out on heroin.

[10:31] Yeah.

[10:32] They go to Bud wants to see one last debate.

[10:34] So he decides to moderate a debate between the two presidential candidates.

[10:38] He gives a 45-minute long speech, it feels like, about what's important in America.

[10:43] And then he goes in to vote the next day, pulls the curtain on the ballot booth, Molly smiles

[10:48] at him.

[10:49] Right.

[10:49] And then-

Dan McCoy

[10:50] A little wink to the audience.

Elliott Kalan

[10:51] Don't stop!

[10:52] Fade to black.

[10:53] Right.

[10:53] Or cut to black.

[10:54] Yeah.

[10:54] Movie's over.

[10:55] Who's he going to vote for?

[10:56] Right.

[10:56] Only you can decide, America.

[10:57] Yeah.

[10:58] It's your vote that counts.

Dan McCoy

[10:59] Is it the cardboard Democrat or the cardboard Republican?

[11:02] Yeah.

S3

[11:02] Well, it was the smartest decision they made at that point because the best thing you want

[11:06] to see at that point is the movie to end.

Dan McCoy

[11:08] Yeah, well-

[11:08] This was a long movie.

[11:10] I said, I don't know how I didn't see that coming, the open-ended ending.

[11:14] Ending?

[11:14] Because, you know, halfway through, I said that the only way that they were going to resolve

[11:17] this would be have one of them become the president, one become the vice president,

[11:22] and then switch off.

Elliott Kalan

[11:24] Every year.

[11:24] Or for Bud to suddenly, you know what?

[11:27] Let's just redo the whole election, and Bud gets elected president.

Dan McCoy

[11:30] Yeah, because they're both presented as basically decent candidates, the Republican and Democrat.

Elliott Kalan

[11:35] The villains in this are the campaign managers, Stanley Tucci and Nathan Lane, who, you gotta

[11:40] do what's important is winning.

[11:42] We gotta win.

[11:43] I don't know why I did a Richard Nixon voice for that.

S3

[11:45] He was Nixon-y.

[11:46] Every character in this movie has one job, and they do it every single line that they speak

[11:50] in the movie.

[11:50] Constantly.

Elliott Kalan

[11:51] We're constantly reminded, like, she's a precocious kid.

Dan McCoy

[11:54] He's a dumb guy.

[11:55] Each character, you know, opens the door, storms in, and says, I am here to remind you why I'm

[12:00] in this film.

S3

[12:01] There's lots of plot.

[12:02] It's like watching an episode of Law & Order, because, like, at the beginning of every scene,

[12:05] they summarize everything that's happened so far.

[12:07] Yeah.

[12:07] Even though the title almost summarizes the entire plot.

Elliott Kalan

[12:10] It could have started 50 minutes into the film, like, ever since I voted wrong, my life's

[12:16] been crazy.

[12:17] Yeah.

[12:17] And then, like, maybe like a two-minute flashback, and then...

Dan McCoy

[12:20] Well, and that would have skimmed over some of our major problems with the movie, because...

[12:25] The first hour, you're saying.

[12:26] Yeah.

[12:27] The basic premise of this film, I don't care whether it's a comedy.

[12:30] I don't care whether it's a movie.

[12:32] Like, the premise is unworkable, because, as we all pointed out several times through

[12:36] the movie, number one, it would never come down to one vote.

[12:39] You're right.

[12:40] You know, like, not...

[12:40] Certainly not on election day, it wouldn't come down to one vote.

[12:43] There would be absentee ballots, you know...

S3

[12:46] And long before the margin of error is that small, it goes to the courts.

[12:49] We know this.

Dan McCoy

[12:50] It would go to a recount.

[12:51] Even if this movie happened before the year 2000, you might have me, because I wouldn't

S3

[12:55] even know.

[12:55] Yeah.

[12:56] But since this actually happened in 2000, a close election, not even nearly as close

[13:00] as this, just went to the Supreme Court, and they picked who they wanted to be president,

[13:03] like, that's what would happen.

[13:04] That's...

[13:04] I saw it.

[13:05] I remember...

[13:05] I'm not...

[13:06] I don't know anything, and I know that that's what would happen.

Dan McCoy

[13:07] I kept expecting one of...

[13:09] Like, all the characters to...

[13:10] I don't know anything.

[13:11] All the characters to suddenly recover from their amnesia and be like, what are we doing

[13:15] pattering to this guy?

[13:16] Wait, this isn't how it works.

Elliott Kalan

[13:17] And they mention...

[13:17] James Carville's on TV, and he's like, ah, it hasn't happened until the 1820s when it

[13:21] went to the House of Representatives.

[13:22] And it's like, one...

[13:23] That's not even true.

[13:23] One, that happened in 1876 also.

[13:26] But two, like, okay, then the election should go to the House of the...

S3

[13:29] Like, why does this...

[13:31] You are saying the plot of a smarter movie.

Dan McCoy

[13:33] Yeah, exactly.

[13:34] Oh.

[13:34] And you, Elliot, were really keen on doing this movie, mainly because you wanted to object

[13:40] to how it gets politics wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[13:42] I was like...

[13:42] Everything about...

[13:43] I was so ready to be horrified by its

[13:45] factual inaccuracies.

[13:47] But you were, and you were correct, at least in the premise part of it.

[13:50] And I got a certain amount of fun from that, yeah.

[13:52] Yeah.

[13:52] But it was just...

[13:53] It's weird because it wasn't the movie I thought it was gonna...

[13:55] As often happens when we...

[13:56] When I'm looking forward to a movie that we're gonna do, it wasn't the movie I thought it

[14:00] was gonna be.

[14:01] Like, I figured it was gonna be like a really wacky, over-the-top comedy.

Dan McCoy

[14:04] Because you thought we were watching The Third Man tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[14:05] You're looking forward to that.

[14:06] Yeah.

[14:07] This is...

[14:07] Oh, I can't wait for Cowell Reed and Grant Reed's meditation on good intentions and moral

[14:12] ambiguity.

[14:12] Oh.

[14:13] Guess what, guys?

[14:14] I got swing vote!

[14:15] Oh!

S3

[14:16] Oh.

[14:17] We're compelled to watch whatever you bring.

Elliott Kalan

[14:19] Not watching Jules and Jim.

[14:20] We're watching swing vote.

[14:22] But I thought it was gonna be a much goofier movie than it was.

[14:24] But like, it was a really slow-paced, not a good movie.

[14:27] And as you pointed out many times, Will, like, a really fake-looking movie.

S3

[14:31] Yeah, but it was amazing in that, like, the movie was high-budget with talented cast, well-lit,

[14:37] like, just well-produced.

[14:38] Like, if you didn't speak English and you walked through the room when it was going on,

[14:42] you'd glance at the screen and be like, that's probably a good movie.

[14:44] And you'd keep going.

Dan McCoy

[14:45] Oh, no, political amura.

[14:47] Yes.

S3

[14:48] But every single moment, especially in the first half of the movie, rang so untrue.

[14:53] Like, in the way of, like, when they show a bunch of guys in a bar, it doesn't look

[14:56] like a real bar.

[14:56] It looks like a bunch of actors in a bar set.

[14:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:59] Are you telling me that Judge Reinhold is not convincing as a backcountry egg employee?

S3

[15:06] I'm telling you, worse than that, not only was Judge Reinhold not...

[15:08] Judge Reinhold actually was the most convincing redneck.

[15:11] And all of the Mexican extras in the background looked like a bunch of guys with SAG cards.

[15:16] Like, they just did...

[15:17] It just...

[15:17] Everything looked sort of like...

[15:19] It was...

[15:20] The charades version.

[15:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:22] Like, oh, give me two syllables and I'm going to try to portray to you what somebody looks

[15:25] like when they're in a bar.

[15:26] They'd go through, like, the main street of the town and it was like, okay, they put up

[15:29] enough buildings to make it look kind of like the main street of it.

[15:32] Even, like, a dying southwestern town would have a few more buildings.

[15:36] Like, the main street wouldn't literally be, like, 50 feet long.

S3

[15:39] There's something in the details of it that you could tell it wasn't real.

[15:43] Like, nobody thought on any level.

Dan McCoy

[15:44] Although, if there's women out there who really wanted to see Judge Reinhold in a mullet and

[15:49] a big mustache...

[15:51] This is the movie.

[15:51] Yeah.

[15:52] The weird thing was I still like Judge Reinhold.

S3

[15:54] No.

[15:54] Stupid dialogue.

[15:55] Useless part.

[15:57] And at the end of every line, like, the front part of my brain would be like, that was stupid.

[16:00] And my lizard brain was like, like him.

Dan McCoy

[16:02] Relate to him.

[16:03] Enjoy him.

[16:04] He good.

Elliott Kalan

[16:05] But this movie reminded me a lot of the movie Bridget Jones Diary, which has the same

[16:09] feel of, like, this feels like it's taking place entirely in an unreal world.

[16:14] Everything's professionally done.

S3

[16:16] That's a good comparison, because that movie could have been pretty good, I think.

[16:20] But it was, like, fake at every turn.

[16:22] It's like, this is an office, in quotes.

[16:23] And here is the boss, in quotes.

[16:24] I still don't think it would have been very good.

Elliott Kalan

[16:25] But, like, there's a part where Hugh Grant and Colin Firth, like, get into a fist fight

[16:29] out in the street.

[16:30] In the street, yeah.

[16:31] And there's nobody in the street.

[16:32] It's deserted.

[16:33] And the snow is beautiful.

[16:34] Yeah, there's...

[16:35] Actually, that movie was written by the soundtrack.

S3

[16:37] I'm like the one defender of Bridget Jones' diary.

[16:39] I don't like that movie.

[16:40] I read the book, and I don't remember why, and that's a whole...

[16:43] I don't even know.

[16:43] But I thought the book was funny.

[16:45] Saw the movie, and it wasn't funny.

Elliott Kalan

[16:46] I mean, I'm all for artificiality in a movie.

[16:49] Like, I saw...

[16:51] Like Gremlins.

[16:52] Like, well, Gremlins.

[16:53] Gremlins is deliberately...

[16:54] Even Gremlins, like...

[16:54] Makes it look like it's in a back lot.

[16:56] No, that's the thing.

[16:57] The houses and things in Gremlins look like real houses.

[17:00] Yeah, but I mean, well...

[17:01] But even like a movie like...

Dan McCoy

[17:02] But it's obviously also a conscious choice.

[17:04] They're like, I'm gonna make this look like the old horror movies that I grew up with.

[17:09] Yeah, kind of.

[17:10] And this is shot.

Elliott Kalan

[17:10] Well, like, the idea of a small town.

[17:12] But at least the rooms look like rooms people live in, and it's lit like maybe light would

[17:16] actually look in real life.

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:18] You know?

Dan McCoy

[17:18] You think that they carted in light from some...

Elliott Kalan

[17:21] I think they bottled light from the outside world, and then they opened the bottle in a...

S3

[17:26] Well, some movies...

[17:26] Rushmore is a movie that has an otherworldly feel at every turn.

[17:29] Well, like a Eddie Wes Anderson movie, yeah.

[17:30] It doesn't feel like the real world at all, and it's not naturalistic.

[17:34] But it feels like...

[17:34] It's just like...

[17:35] Yeah.

[17:35] It looks like this is a movie.

[17:36] This was arranged and art directed by an obsessively weird dude.

[17:41] But like, it fits the story, and it helps.

[17:43] It helps.

Elliott Kalan

[17:44] Whereas this, the premise is so crazy that you need like the other things to be realistic

[17:49] feeling.

[17:50] Yeah.

[17:50] And they aren't.

S3

[17:51] Right to the names.

[17:52] Kate Madison's a reporter.

[17:54] Bud.

[17:54] My nickname's Bud.

[17:55] The most stupid nickname that nobody really has.

Dan McCoy

[17:59] Well, also like...

[18:00] Ernest Johnson.

[18:00] They call me Fishbone.

[18:02] Yeah.

[18:02] Like, I don't understand the thinking behind Ernest Johnson.

[18:05] They're like, okay, we want people to know this character's sincere, so we'll call him

[18:08] Ernest.

[18:09] Right.

[18:09] And he's an every man.

[18:10] And then we'll give him a name that means penis for his last name.

S3

[18:13] I feel like it was like a bunch of producers came up with the idea for the movie, but then

[18:16] the script writers never changed any of the specifics they came up with.

[18:19] Like, we'll change this.

[18:20] This is stupid.

[18:20] Let's say his name's Ernest.

[18:21] Okay, whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[18:22] Let's just call him like Greenleaf.

[18:23] It's not bad, but...

[18:24] It's someplace in New Mexico.

S3

[18:25] I don't care.

[18:25] Texaco in New Mexico.

[18:26] It doesn't matter.

[18:26] Call it whatever you want.

Elliott Kalan

[18:28] He works in, like, what?

[18:29] An egg factory?

[18:30] Something.

S3

[18:30] A reporter comes up, and she's like Little Miss Prim and...

[18:32] Madison Avenue.

[18:33] Cape Madison.

[18:34] Take that out.

[18:35] Take that out.

[18:35] That's crap.

Elliott Kalan

[18:36] Egg factory.

[18:37] That's a blue-collar job, right?

[18:38] It's quirky.

[18:39] Quirky.

[18:39] Put it in.

[18:40] Yeah, a lot of egg factories.

[18:41] And so...

[18:42] Texas.

[18:43] But there were parts that we did like.

[18:44] The movie overall, it starts out as a really boring comedy.

S3

[18:48] Super heavy-handed on the exposition.

Elliott Kalan

[18:50] Very heavy-handed on the exposition.

[18:52] And then it becomes a really boring, heavy-handed drama about the importance of nobility in politics, I guess.

[18:58] Yeah, and then there's this horrifying...

[18:58] Yeah, when the kids are betraying themselves.

S3

[19:00] And then this weird personal drama...

[19:02] Yeah.

[19:02] ...of the dad and the daughter.

[19:04] But that was kind of good, right?

[19:06] Like, it was like a different movie.

[19:07] Yeah.

[19:07] That's the thing.

[19:07] If it was...

Dan McCoy

[19:08] The daughter runs away to her birth mother.

[19:11] I mean, birth mother.

[19:12] She doesn't have a stepmother.

[19:12] But she runs away to her mother's.

[19:14] And it's Mera Winningham.

[19:16] And, like, there's this whole, like, mini...

[19:17] It's heartbreaking.

[19:18] ...movie, in other words.

[19:19] Like, oh, this is clearly a woman who has had substance abuse problems.

S3

[19:21] This daughter wants the mother to be a good mom, and she knows she can't.

Elliott Kalan

[19:24] And in the audience...

[19:25] And we were saying this multiple times.

[19:27] Like, how much of a fuck-up does that woman have to be...

[19:29] ...that Kevin Costner has custody?

S3

[19:32] But he's only cartoon bad.

[19:33] Like, he sleeps in in a hilarious way and cracks open a beer right at 8 o'clock.

Elliott Kalan

[19:38] But she's real bad.

[19:39] Like...

S3

[19:39] She's, like, for real scary, like, the wire.

Elliott Kalan

[19:41] I bet he spends a lot of time in the drunk tank.

[19:43] Yeah.

[19:43] Like, with a big key on the wall, and the sheriff lets him out to answer the phones.

S3

[19:48] Yes.

[19:48] That's the world he's living in in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[19:51] There's a big, fat sheriff.

[19:53] Yeah.

[19:53] Sleeping with his chair tilted back.

S3

[19:55] And, like, Costner comes out, locks himself in the cell, and then, oh, I got a chair.

[20:00] Don't worry about me.

Elliott Kalan

[20:01] He's using a broom handle to try to get the key ring off of the wall.

[20:05] And, meanwhile, yeah, like, Mayor Winningham is giving guys blowjobs for crack.

[20:08] Yes.

[20:09] It's a different...

[20:10] But, like, that's...

[20:10] It hinted at a much better movie than this could have been if it had nothing to do with

[20:14] the presidential election.

[20:15] It's...

[20:16] Like, it was just about a guy and his daughter, and, you know, they have to get along, and

[20:19] she's too smart for him.

[20:20] Right.

S3

[20:21] So it was weird to see how it was bad and how it was good, because...

[20:23] So, well, another part of the...

[20:25] There was another part that was...

[20:26] Oh, the other good part was the...

[20:28] Or that I like...

Dan McCoy

[20:28] What were you going to say that was bad?

S3

[20:30] The over-explaining, like, the over-indicating.

[20:33] Early in the movie, when it's revealed to the world that there's this one guy who has

[20:37] the vote, and they found out who it is, they cut to somebody in a news station watching

[20:42] Kevin Costner come out of his trailer, and in the news station, he turns around to his

[20:45] manager and goes, I don't believe it.

[20:47] Or what is it like?

Elliott Kalan

[20:48] I don't remember.

[20:49] Oh, he says something like, it can't be this guy.

[20:52] Or it's like...

[20:53] But then later, like, there's all this press in town, and Molly Logo's like, this is getting

[20:57] weird.

S3

[20:58] Yeah, as if talking right to the audience.

[21:00] In case you fell asleep for this entire movie.

[21:03] What life is.

[21:04] Yeah.

[21:05] It's not.

[21:05] This part of the movie is pretty weird.

[21:08] You might as well look right at the camera.

Elliott Kalan

[21:09] Why not even go...

[21:11] Go all the way.

[21:11] Look right at the audience and be like, this seems pretty meaningful.

[21:15] But the good thing about it was, they show these ads that the presidential candidates are making

[21:20] to appeal to Bud, and they're like, it's like they hired a college sketch group to do

[21:25] these scenes for the movie.

[21:27] They're really funny and crazy.

Dan McCoy

[21:29] It was so over the top that I loved them.

Elliott Kalan

[21:31] He's like, I don't like that people are losing their jobs to Mexicans, and so Dennis Hopper

[21:36] is striding towards the camera through a desert as illegal immigrants just run past him.

[21:40] At top speed, racing, a horde of Mexicans behind him.

[21:42] Cars with sirens chasing after him.

[21:44] And he's acting as if he's oblivious to what's going on around him.

[21:47] Right.

S3

[21:48] So the idea of a Democratic president giving an anti-immigration ad might have been the

[21:51] point they're trying to make that was funny.

[21:52] But the real funniest was just how insanely over the top that commercial was.

Elliott Kalan

[21:56] Or he does the thing about abortion's bad, and he's standing in front of a playground

[21:59] full of children, and the children begin exploding in puffs of smoke.

[22:03] Right.

[22:03] And disappearing.

[22:04] The world's best anti-abortion.

[22:06] And then at the end, he holds up a ball, and he says something about intelligent design,

[22:09] and the ball turns into the earth.

[22:10] Right.

[22:11] It was great.

[22:12] It was really over the top.

[22:12] It was really funny.

S3

[22:13] I guess maybe what I'm thinking of as ham-handed exposition was just over the top, but at

[22:17] a part where I needed the movie to be real.

[22:19] Yeah.

[22:19] Like when he first walks out of his trailer to discover the press.

[22:22] And there's not just like a crowd of like eight to ten reporters outside of his door.

[22:26] There's...

[22:26] There's like 200.

[22:27] Two or 300 reporters.

[22:28] And they have huge...

Elliott Kalan

[22:29] With huge floodlights.

[22:30] Huge lights that don't go...

[22:32] He opens the door and goes, is there somebody out there?

[22:34] And suddenly...

[22:34] Yeah.

[22:35] Goosh!

[22:35] It's dark at first.

S3

[22:36] And then once he opens, the lights come on.

[22:38] They waited for him.

[22:39] Yeah.

[22:39] They're surprised him like it was a birthday party from the press corps.

Elliott Kalan

[22:42] Shh, shh, shh.

[22:42] Eventually he'll go outside.

[22:44] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[22:44] And then we'll start yelling questions at him.

[22:46] They weren't making...

[22:47] There was a huge, huge crowd.

[22:49] They weren't making any noise until Kevin Costner opened the door.

[22:53] And then they're like, turn the lights on.

Elliott Kalan

[22:54] Everyone start talking.

[22:55] This has to do maybe with the theory that you had, Will.

[22:57] It made the movie a little bit more interesting.

S3

[22:59] Yeah.

[22:59] I believe that Kevin Costner...

[23:01] It's never said explicitly, but that everybody in the movie is inanimate unless being looked

[23:05] at by the main character.

[23:07] That everybody is completely still until Costner looks at him.

[23:10] The camera pans over.

[23:11] Then they start...

[23:11] Then they can come to life and move.

Elliott Kalan

[23:13] There's a part...

[23:13] Kate Madison has an American Indian cameraman.

[23:16] And she's eating dinner with Kevin Costner and Molly.

S3

[23:20] And you don't see the cameraman.

[23:21] You just see this little three...

Elliott Kalan

[23:22] You just see the three of them together.

[23:23] And she's like, maybe I can interview you?

[23:25] And Kevin Costner's like, oh, all right.

[23:27] And suddenly he looks over and the camera pans over and the Indian is just sitting there

[23:31] holding the camera in the chair.

[23:32] And then suddenly gets up real quick, points the camera at him.

[23:36] And you were like, oh, that guy was inanimate until Kevin Costner looked right.

S3

[23:39] He was a statue until Costner used his life-giving rays that came out of his eyes.

Dan McCoy

[23:43] It's definitely a thesis that has support in the text.

[23:46] It's like a remake of It's a Good Life, sort of.

Elliott Kalan

[23:50] That's what I...

[23:51] Yeah.

[23:51] It's like It's a Good Life, but not as good and without the human jack-in-the-box.

S3

[23:55] I think it's fun when watching these movies to decide what you'd have to do at this point

[23:59] to make it a genuinely good movie.

[24:00] What would have to happen to save it?

[24:02] And the further you go along, the harder that is.

Elliott Kalan

[24:05] But this, I feel, this theory, I think, improves the movie greatly.

[24:08] I think it saves it.

[24:09] Although, like, also the idea that I wish that it ended with him choosing the president

[24:14] and then the president starting a nuclear war and there's just a shot of Kevin Costner going,

[24:18] better luck next time as a mushroom cloud goes off behind him.

[24:23] Well...

[24:23] I guess I made the wrong swing vote.

Dan McCoy

[24:25] The one that you guys were talking about was...

[24:28] There was a point during Kevin Costner's 10-minute monologue.

[24:33] 45 minutes.

[24:34] He has a long speech that he gives.

[24:35] Where he talks about the letters he received.

Elliott Kalan

[24:38] Oh, this is a movie where importance is signified by people bringing bags and bags of letters to him.

Dan McCoy

[24:43] Yeah, it's like Miracle on 34th Street, but bad.

[24:46] Right.

Elliott Kalan

[24:46] I wish I could see when that judge lost his license as a judge.

[24:51] Yeah.

S3

[24:51] Excuse me, why did you say in the law now, the American law, that that man is Santa Claus?

[24:57] That's your responsibility.

Dan McCoy

[24:58] Now you've set the precedent that if anyone gets a lot of mail, that means...

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] Just that they have to prove that a lot of mail was sent to somebody.

[25:04] That means that someone must exist.

S3

[25:07] Yeah, now Bernie Madoff has like 10 million letters.

[25:09] Innocent cared of Bernie Madoff, and they got delivered to him.

Elliott Kalan

[25:12] There's precedent, you know.

[25:13] What were your grounds for this, judge?

[25:15] Ah, I'm just crazy.

Dan McCoy

[25:18] But the one that you guys were saying was during that long speech.

[25:21] He's like, I got all your letters, and they touched me.

[25:24] And you, Elliot, said, in my butt.

[25:27] And then the movie should have cut there.

[25:30] Like, it was a big, shaggy dog story.

S3

[25:32] It was an hour and 45 minutes set up just so you could say in my butt at a surprising moment.

Elliott Kalan

[25:36] To a really...

[25:37] Yeah, a huge bait and switch.

[25:39] He says, right, seriously, in my butt.

[25:41] And then you just see him real quick glance off camera.

[25:43] And then...

[25:44] Boom, cut.

[25:45] Yep.

[25:45] All the credits in 15 seconds black.

[25:48] With music like this.

[25:49] Da-da-da-da-da-da.

[25:50] Da-da-da-da-da-da.

[25:51] But he wants you to know that he knows it's a joke.

[25:54] And he knows you just wasted two hours of your time.

S3

[25:56] If they did that, and then they actually took the real snippets from reviews to use in their

[26:01] average, all of them would be like, what?

[26:03] No!

[26:04] Really?

[26:04] It would...

[26:05] People would...

[26:05] The first week in that movie would sell out everywhere.

[26:08] You'll never guess how it is.

Dan McCoy

[26:10] There would be rioting in the theaters.

S3

[26:11] It would be like the ride in the spring.

[26:13] is to show up and be like, finally!

[26:14] They would be super excited.

Elliott Kalan

[26:16] The ending bears out the rest of it.

[26:19] But yeah, it's a movie that takes its time going nowhere.

[26:23] My theory was...

[26:23] Go ahead, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[26:24] No, I'm just going to say for a movie that is ostensibly

[26:27] some sort of political satire,

[26:29] or at least a movie about politics at all,

[26:32] the political characters,

[26:33] you have no idea what either of the candidates stand for.

[26:37] Except for like...

[26:37] Generic Republican...

[26:38] Yeah, generic...

[26:39] But that's generic.

S3

[26:40] There's like generic unemployed people,

[26:42] generic reporter, nothing.

[26:43] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:43] I mean, they have like this fear of doing any actual satire in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[26:48] And that the Republican is kind of dumb,

[26:50] and the Democrat is kind of like weak or spacey or nervous.

[26:54] Like, a phrase I used to describe the David Mamet film

[26:56] State in Maine,

[26:57] where I call it gumming satire.

[26:59] Like, it's not biting satire,

[27:00] it's like gently gumming its victims

[27:02] to the point where it's kind of massaging them.

[27:04] Well, they're making fun of the film industry, right?

[27:05] I feel like whatever they make fun of the film industry or politics,

S3

[27:08] I think it's so hard to be like specific enough

[27:11] and big enough to be funny

[27:12] because the real world that we see every day

[27:13] is already so crazily heightened.

[27:16] But like in State in Maine,

Elliott Kalan

[27:17] it's like,

[27:18] we're really gonna give it to the film industry,

[27:20] except everyone who works for it is nice.

[27:22] They're all good people.

[27:23] Right.

[27:24] And this was kind of like that.

Dan McCoy

[27:25] Well, we do know that Kelsey Grammer is anti-cancer.

[27:28] That's the one policy...

[27:29] Yes, that's true.

[27:30] He hints at an anti-cancer initiative.

Elliott Kalan

[27:32] Yeah.

[27:32] And he likes ice cream,

[27:33] he mentions at one point.

S3

[27:34] Yep.

[27:35] I feel like what they did in this movie was,

[27:37] they had a pretty good cast,

[27:38] and there were a lot of moments that,

[27:39] in the midst of being bored out of my mind,

[27:41] and waiting for this thing to pick up,

[27:42] and just being unsurprised at every moment,

[27:44] and having the exposition summarized for me,

[27:46] then all of a sudden a moment would happen,

[27:48] and I would like smile,

[27:49] or I'd laugh,

[27:50] and I think it's because the actors are good.

[27:52] Yeah.

[27:52] I feel like what they did was,

[27:53] they made these scenes long and slow,

[27:56] with the intention of,

[27:58] let's give these actors time to like,

[28:00] react to each other,

[28:01] and have some real moments,

[28:02] and it'll save this terrible script.

[28:04] But unfortunately,

[28:04] all it did was make this terrible script,

[28:06] take forever to get to its ending.

[28:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:08] It didn't really work.

[28:08] It was,

[28:09] it's not a very,

[28:09] and I don't know who wrote it,

[28:10] or how many drafts it went through,

[28:12] or whose hand was in it.

[28:13] The director wrote it.

[28:13] But it's not a very good,

[28:14] oh, well then,

[28:15] you know,

[28:15] I'll blame him.

[28:16] But it's not a very good script.

Dan McCoy

[28:18] Well, and you know,

[28:18] I...

Elliott Kalan

[28:19] And it's not the happening bad,

[28:21] but it's,

[28:22] it's not good.

Dan McCoy

[28:23] I remember when this came out,

[28:24] like,

[28:24] I,

[28:25] I,

[28:25] there was a,

[28:26] there was a web series,

[28:28] that a friend of mine...

[28:28] Oh, because I don't remember,

Elliott Kalan

[28:29] when this came out.

[28:30] I was like,

[28:31] swing vote,

[28:32] I can't wait till that comes out,

[28:33] so we can do it on the Flophouse.

[28:34] And then I looked at the ad closer,

[28:35] I'm like,

[28:36] oh,

[28:36] it came out a week ago.

[28:37] Yeah.

[28:38] Oh,

[28:38] it's already out,

[28:38] it's already out of the theaters.

[28:39] Well,

Dan McCoy

[28:39] but the only reason I was aware of it,

[28:41] was a web series,

[28:43] that a friend of mine,

[28:44] and I did,

[28:45] I wrote a script for it.

[28:47] It was about like,

[28:47] two guys,

[28:48] two space,

[28:52] is your things on it.

[28:53] Well,

[28:53] it's basically done now,

[28:54] but the point was,

[28:56] I wrote an episode.

[28:57] And it's the internet,

Elliott Kalan

[28:58] so that stuff is gone.

Dan McCoy

[28:59] Yeah.

[28:59] Once you post it on the internet,

[29:00] it expires.

Elliott Kalan

[29:00] Things are only on the internet for one day.

[29:02] But I was like,

[29:03] that's what's great about it.

Dan McCoy

[29:04] What if there was an episode,

[29:06] where there was an election,

[29:08] for president of space,

[29:09] and the idea was,

[29:10] everyone in space had to vote,

[29:12] except for these three people,

[29:14] didn't vote,

[29:14] and so,

[29:15] the president of space,

[29:16] played by,

[29:17] in this case,

[29:17] Sarah Schaefer,

[29:18] who has a guest hosted,

[29:19] on the Flophouse before,

[29:20] comes in,

[29:21] and panders to these people.

[29:22] Wasn't she up against a toaster?

[29:24] Yeah.

[29:25] A toaster was the other candidate.

[29:27] That would have made this movie better.

S3

[29:28] Well,

[29:28] here's the thing,

[29:29] not that Dennis Hopper was bad,

[29:30] but if he was a toaster,

[29:31] with democratic leanings,

[29:32] I would have been paying,

[29:33] a lot more attention.

Elliott Kalan

[29:33] But it talks,

[29:34] like,

[29:34] the toaster,

[29:35] and tapping his face,

[29:36] didn't talk.

[29:37] We're going to do something,

Elliott Kalan

[29:37] about the water.

[29:38] It was just,

[29:38] the toaster,

[29:40] shaking around.

[29:41] It's like,

Dan McCoy

[29:42] oh,

[29:42] we're down in the balls,

[29:43] what are we going to do?

[29:44] But the point was,

[29:45] in that case,

[29:46] the absurdity,

[29:48] was part of it.

[29:49] I'm like,

[29:50] okay,

[29:50] this is a really absurd premise.

[29:51] you're not trying to do a politically,

[29:52] super incisive,

[29:54] like.

[29:54] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[29:54] no,

[29:54] it's like,

[29:55] oh,

[29:56] in the infinity of space,

[29:58] the idea that everyone voted,

[30:00] except for a couple people,

[30:01] that's the absurd,

[30:03] ridiculous thing.

[30:04] but here they're trying to play it,

[30:05] as if like,

[30:05] oh,

[30:06] but that's the jumping off point for,

S3

[30:07] maybe they wrote like,

[30:08] an incisive drama,

[30:09] then they did those political ads first,

[30:11] and they were so funny,

[30:12] like,

[30:12] you know what?

[30:13] Let's just blow the lid off this thing,

[30:14] man.

[30:14] We're going to make another airplane.

[30:16] Every step of this movie,

[30:17] is going to be a slapstick wonderland.

Elliott Kalan

[30:19] And then halfway through,

[30:20] they got cold feet.

[30:21] Yeah,

[30:21] and they're like,

[30:21] nope,

[30:22] put some speeches in.

[30:23] Let's make sure people know,

[30:24] that we are Americans.

[30:25] Crackhead mom,

S3

[30:26] crying daughter,

[30:26] let's crank this thing up.

Elliott Kalan

[30:27] It was such a weird,

[30:28] it was heartbreaking,

S3

[30:30] man.

[30:30] I was impressed that that scene worked,

[30:31] in the middle of this.

[30:32] Yeah.

[30:32] Like,

[30:33] bring that scene back to its,

[30:34] its mothership movie.

[30:35] Like,

[30:36] wherever the movie is,

[30:37] that thing came from.

Elliott Kalan

[30:37] Which is probably called like,

[30:38] Nowheresville.

[30:39] Yeah.

[30:39] Something like that.

[30:40] Something horrible.

[30:41] Or,

[30:41] Broke downtown.

[30:42] Kramer vs. Terms of Choice.

[30:44] Oh, Rush.

[30:44] The saddest movie ever.

[30:46] Kramer vs. Kramer.

[30:47] There's a movie that,

[30:48] I don't get.

[30:49] But anyway.

[30:50] I saw it when I was 10.

[30:50] It works then.

[30:51] Well,

[30:52] the thing is like,

[30:52] thinking back on it now,

[30:53] I'm like,

[30:54] there's not really very much going on.

[30:55] It's like,

[30:56] how is this dad,

[30:57] going to figure out how to take care of a kid?

[30:58] He did.

[30:59] Oh,

[30:59] he did it.

[31:00] Well,

[31:00] that's right,

[31:01] because parents take care of children.

[31:02] Yeah.

[31:03] Yeah.

[31:03] It was like.

S3

[31:03] You're bad at first,

[31:04] you do it again and again,

[31:05] you get better.

[31:05] We're people we learn.

[31:06] Toolmakers.

Elliott Kalan

[31:06] The mother comes back,

[31:07] and then he makes a very good case,

[31:09] that she's not a reliable mother.

[31:10] Yeah.

[31:11] Okay.

[31:11] It was like,

Dan McCoy

[31:11] even though this movie preceded the other one,

[31:14] it was as if,

[31:15] they were like,

S3

[31:16] let's take Mr. Mom,

[31:18] and turn it into a drama.

[31:20] Yeah.

[31:20] Take that,

[31:21] Kramer vs. Kramer.

[31:22] Yeah.

[31:23] Thank God,

[31:23] someone's finally got the guts.

[31:25] Costner was too dumb at the top.

[31:27] He's an interesting sort of dumbness.

[31:28] He definitely reads as dumb in everything he does,

[31:30] I think.

[31:30] Yeah,

[31:31] well,

Elliott Kalan

[31:31] he's never a smart guy.

[31:32] Except for when he played Louis Pasteur.

[31:36] They really put.

[31:37] In a movie called Milk,

[31:38] strangely enough.

S3

[31:39] Yeah,

[31:39] badly named.

[31:41] Turns out.

[31:41] You wouldn't think so.

Elliott Kalan

[31:42] They were like,

[31:43] this movie should really be about Harvey Milk,

[31:45] shouldn't it?

S3

[31:45] Especially because they were like,

[31:46] it was all about homogenization,

[31:48] so they were like,

[31:48] if you're a homo,

[31:49] you're going to love milk.

[31:50] So it really like,

[31:52] misadvertised itself in every way,

[31:54] unfortunately.

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] But yeah,

[31:54] Kevin Costner never plays,

[31:56] he's better when he's playing a guy who is not an idiot,

[31:59] but he's not smart,

[32:01] necessarily.

S3

[32:02] Right,

[32:02] he's like a lowbrow,

[32:03] like wise.

[32:04] Bull Durham was the perfect pitch for him,

[32:06] like,

[32:07] the well-read baseball player.

[32:08] No pun intended.

[32:09] Oh,

[32:10] right.

[32:10] God,

[32:10] that's horrible of me in some way.

Elliott Kalan

[32:12] Bull Durham was the best wolf dance for him.

[32:15] But when he tries,

[32:17] he's one of those actors who,

[32:18] I feel like he wants to like,

[32:20] show some sort of range,

[32:21] but then he's like,

[32:22] uh-oh,

[32:22] that didn't work,

[32:23] I better go back to what I know.

[32:24] But each time he goes back to it,

[32:25] he's forgotten how to do it a little bit.

[32:27] Yeah.

[32:27] And then he becomes,

[32:28] you know,

[32:29] stupid over time.

S3

[32:30] The whole first conversation with his daughter,

[32:32] where,

[32:32] you know,

[32:32] she's like,

[32:32] you gotta vote,

[32:33] and he's like,

[32:33] who's running again?

[32:34] It's like,

[32:35] you know who's running for president.

[32:37] Give me a break.

[32:38] That it's Larry the cable guy.

[32:40] Yeah.

[32:40] As the dad.

[32:41] What's pro-life mean?

[32:43] Which one's that?

[32:43] It's like,

[32:44] come on,

[32:44] did you get your shoes on your feet?

[32:46] Like,

[32:46] I don't care how not into politics you are.

Elliott Kalan

[32:49] You know what those words mean.

[32:51] Just by simple repetition.

[32:52] Yeah.

[32:52] Well,

[32:53] did you know who's running for president?

[32:55] America?

[32:56] What month is it?

[32:57] November?

[32:58] What?

Dan McCoy

[32:59] Are you sure that's-

[33:00] Ain't that many syllables in a month.

Elliott Kalan

[33:01] Is 2008 80?

[33:03] It's not a month.

[33:04] I thought Christ hadn't been born yet.

[33:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[33:07] He knows what it's an abbreviation for,

S3

[33:10] but he doesn't know what year it is.

[33:12] An odomity?

[33:12] That would fit this movie,

[33:13] though,

[33:13] because he'd be brilliant

[33:14] and he'd be like the wise old guru

[33:16] in one sentence

[33:17] and then be just like,

[33:18] he'd be like-

Elliott Kalan

[33:18] Well,

[33:18] I don't know,

[33:19] seems like those,

[33:19] them guys ain't really

[33:20] sticking to their principles.

[33:22] Who-hoo pizza!

[33:23] Yeah.

[33:24] It's a push door?

[33:26] Yeah.

[33:27] Oh,

[33:27] gosh.

[33:27] You're right,

[33:28] Molly.

[33:28] I should be a better father.

S3

[33:30] I guess politicians

[33:31] just don't always do

[33:32] what they say they're gonna do.

[33:33] It's like,

[33:33] wow,

[33:34] this movie's really out there.

[33:35] I figured that out

[33:36] when I was one.

Dan McCoy

[33:38] Okay,

[33:38] well,

[33:39] let's-

[33:40] So what do we do here now,

[33:40] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[33:40] We've talked a while.

[33:41] Do we vote?

[33:42] Yeah,

[33:42] we vote.

[33:44] Swinging.

[33:44] It comes down to-

Elliott Kalan

[33:46] I wish swing vote

[33:47] was the story of Tarzan

[33:48] running for president.

[33:49] We should vote

[33:50] and leave it up

[33:50] just to one of us.

Dan McCoy

[33:52] Well,

[33:52] there are three of us,

[33:53] so if there's a tie,

[33:55] I don't think-

[33:55] Oh,

[33:56] man.

Elliott Kalan

[33:56] I guess you're both

[33:57] gonna have to pander to me

[33:58] for your vote,

[33:59] since I assume you guys

[34:00] are-

[34:00] For ten days.

[34:01] Yeah.

[34:02] Well,

[34:02] that's the other thing.

[34:02] Let me just say one thing

[34:03] before we vote.

[34:04] They give him ten days

[34:05] before the debate,

[34:06] not even before he votes.

[34:07] Right.

[34:08] If I was the government,

[34:09] I'd be like,

[34:09] listen,

[34:10] you need to vote right now.

[34:11] Right.

[34:12] Just tell us who you're voting for.

[34:13] We'll give you 24 hours.

[34:14] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:14] You're throwing America

[34:15] into a panic.

[34:16] But instead,

Elliott Kalan

[34:17] he's like,

[34:18] I guess I'll vote

[34:19] when I'm good and ready.

[34:20] And they're like,

[34:20] oh,

[34:20] you got us over

[34:21] a barrel swing vote?

[34:22] There's nothing we can do.

[34:23] I don't get that choice.

Dan McCoy

[34:24] There's literally no other way

[34:25] that we can decide this election.

S3

[34:26] We all have a 12-hour window

[34:27] to vote,

[34:28] the normal voting,

[34:29] the ones who work on time.

Elliott Kalan

[34:30] Hmm.

[34:31] Everyone else in America

[34:32] was able to vote

[34:33] on a specific day,

[34:34] but this guy has outsmarted

[34:35] the calendar.

[34:36] Yeah.

[34:37] And he's gonna have to wait

[34:37] till he's ready.

[34:38] Because in America,

S3

[34:39] anything that stops you

[34:39] from voting,

[34:40] we will not stop

[34:42] until everyone who wants

[34:42] to vote has had a chance.

[34:43] There's no history

[34:44] of impeding votes

[34:44] in this country.

[34:45] No, not at all.

[34:46] Never.

[34:46] Or making it inconvenient

[34:47] or difficult.

Dan McCoy

[34:48] This is what I was saying

[34:48] before about the idea

[34:50] that this is a made-up universe

[34:51] for Kevin Costner.

[34:53] Because he's maybe

[34:54] constructed a world

[34:55] where he's the most

[34:56] important person in it.

[34:58] Yeah.

[34:58] And everyone has

[34:59] to bow down to him.

[35:00] Yeah.

S3

[35:00] Right.

[35:00] He's the Twilight Zone kid

[35:01] that's ordering

[35:02] everybody around.

Elliott Kalan

[35:03] Yeah.

[35:03] Even

[35:04] Willie Nelson

[35:05] or what was the name?

[35:07] What was the race car driver

[35:08] who was in it?

[35:09] Richard Petty.

S3

[35:10] This movie...

[35:11] Big names.

[35:12] I want to say this again.

[35:12] I think this movie

[35:13] was pitched in 1989

[35:14] and all the references

[35:15] they pitched then

[35:16] remain in the final script.

[35:17] Because I don't think

[35:18] Judge Reinhold,

[35:19] Willie Nelson...

[35:21] Those are...

[35:21] Yeah.

[35:22] This movie is a while ago.

[35:23] I was waiting for them

Elliott Kalan

[35:23] to start watching

[35:24] The Cosby Show.

[35:25] Right.

S3

[35:26] Where's the beef?

[35:27] Where's the beef?

[35:28] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:28] I guess my question is

[35:30] where's the beef?

[35:31] Yeah!

[35:32] Woo-hoo!

[35:33] Yeah!

Dan McCoy

[35:34] Politics.

[35:35] Anyway.

S3

[35:37] What you just said

[35:38] was more biting than this.

Dan McCoy

[35:40] The categories are...

[35:42] Potpourri.

[35:43] Notable quotables.

Elliott Kalan

[35:45] Potent potables.

[35:46] And potent rotables.

[35:49] Scrotent bottables.

[35:51] And shop and goatables.

[35:54] Shop and goatables

[35:55] I clean up on.

[35:57] You want me in your...

[35:58] Can you repeat

[35:59] the categories, Alex?

[36:00] No, I can't.

[36:02] Wait.

Dan McCoy

[36:03] Chopin goatables?

[36:04] Shopent goatables.

[36:06] I thought it was

[36:07] Chopin goatables.

Elliott Kalan

[36:08] You made it made more sense.

[36:09] We play a Chopin song

[36:11] and you tell me

[36:12] how well the goats

[36:13] reacted to it.

Dan McCoy

[36:14] On a scale

[36:15] from one to five goats.

[36:17] We have assembled

[36:18] a musical scale

[36:20] of these goats.

[36:21] I say three goats, Alex?

[36:23] No, it was two.

[36:23] You're wrong.

[36:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[36:26] What is the minute

[36:27] waltz for goats?

[36:29] All right.

[36:30] We'll give it to you.

[36:30] You said goats.

[36:31] You said goats.

[36:32] That's all you're looking for.

S3

[36:34] Oh, man.

[36:35] I'm going to pick this ship.

Elliott Kalan

[36:37] Hey, kids.

[36:38] Tired of eating

[36:39] the bad old cafeteria food?

[36:41] Try some goatables.

[36:46] Mom, can I get

[36:46] Chopin goatables?

[36:47] I think you've had enough

[36:48] Chopin goatables

[36:49] for today, Billy.

[36:50] They're the goatables.

[36:52] Oh, what a product.

[36:54] Anyway.

[36:55] Kid tested.

Dan McCoy

[36:55] Farmer approved.

[36:57] Oh, my God.

[36:57] This is the strangest joke

[36:58] that we've done on the show.

[36:59] This is even stranger

Elliott Kalan

[37:00] than the Teddy Grahams thing.

[37:02] Oh, but we got to vote, right?

[37:04] Yeah.

[37:05] The categories are

Dan McCoy

[37:06] is this a good-bad movie,

[37:08] a movie that you recommend

[37:10] to watch with friends

[37:11] for a few larfs?

[37:13] Right.

[37:14] A bad-bad movie,

[37:15] one that has no entertainment value,

[37:17] or a movie that maybe

[37:18] you like a little bit.

[37:19] Okay.

[37:20] I have my vote.

[37:21] As the guest,

[37:22] I'll turn to you first, Will.

[37:23] This is a bad-bad movie.

S3

[37:25] All right.

[37:25] It's too slow and boring

[37:26] despite the few moments

[37:27] that are okay.

[37:28] That's my vote.

Dan McCoy

[37:29] Yeah, I'm going to agree on that.

[37:30] It comes close to

[37:32] almost working.

[37:33] Uh-oh.

Elliott Kalan

[37:33] How am I going to break this tie?

[37:35] My swing vote's

[37:36] going to come into play.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] No, that's not how it works

[37:38] that way we both...

[37:39] Yeah, it comes close

[37:40] to working a few times,

[37:42] and there are a few scenes

[37:43] that are amusing,

[37:44] but overall...

[37:46] And the fucking thing

[37:47] is two hours long.

[37:47] You don't need two hours

[37:48] for this premise.

[37:49] No, not at all.

Elliott Kalan

[37:50] I agree with you guys,

[37:51] and the times

[37:52] when the movie worked

[37:53] for like 30 seconds

[37:54] made me hate

[37:55] the rest of it more.

[37:56] Right.

[37:57] Because it's like,

[37:58] you people are capable of...

[37:59] Like the same way that like

[38:00] if a bad kid in class

[38:02] gets a D,

[38:02] the teacher's like,

[38:03] what are you going to do?

[38:04] Right.

[38:04] And if a good kid gets a D,

[38:05] she sits him down

[38:06] and is like,

[38:07] what's going on at home?

[38:08] Right.

[38:08] This is unacceptable.

[38:10] Yeah.

[38:10] Like it could have been

[38:11] much better,

[38:12] and there are little flashes

[38:13] of that,

[38:13] but it just makes

[38:14] the rest of it

[38:14] look that shittier.

[38:16] You know?

S3

[38:16] Well, maybe Kevin Costner

[38:18] will, you know,

[38:19] he's a new actor

[38:19] and he's still figuring

[38:20] this thing out

[38:21] and we'll get it together.

[38:22] Maybe he'll get his stride.

[38:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:23] So right now,

[38:25] I've got a few letters

[38:26] from listeners

[38:27] that I want to address.

[38:28] First of all...

[38:29] Dear Santa.

[38:30] This one is actually

[38:31] from my eldest brother.

[38:35] I was going to say

[38:35] that these correspondences

[38:37] do prove that you exist.

[38:38] Yeah.

[38:39] You can't write a letter

[38:40] to someone who doesn't exist.

[38:41] This is from Rob,

[38:43] last name withheld.

[38:44] I think you can guess it.

[38:45] Your brother, Dan McCoy?

[38:47] Yeah.

[38:48] He says,

[38:49] first of all,

[38:49] he's disappointed in me

[38:51] that I was unaware

[38:51] that Thailand has a king.

[38:53] He says...

[38:53] Yeah, we talked about that a lot.

S3

[38:55] His name, of course,

[38:56] is Yul Tu.

[38:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:58] And he commends you, Elliot.

[39:00] He says that you're correct

[39:02] that the Bloody Valentine...

[39:04] He calls it

[39:05] The Bloody Valentine.

[39:06] My Bloody Valentine

[39:07] is technically

[39:07] in four dimensions.

[39:09] Thank you.

[39:10] He says he's holding out

[39:11] for the sequel,

[39:11] My Bloody Valentine 5D,

[39:13] The Tesser Attack.

[39:15] A new dimension in horror.

[39:17] So there you go.

S3

[39:17] I think he spelled it wrong.

[39:18] It's Tesseract.

Elliott Kalan

[39:19] But every movie

[39:20] is in three dimensions.

[39:21] So a three-dimensional movie

[39:22] is four dimensions

[39:23] because of the dimension of time.

[39:25] Yeah.

S3

[39:26] Yeah.

[39:26] Wow, that's annoying.

[39:27] It's really...

[39:28] An irritating correction.

Elliott Kalan

[39:29] You're making me an unpopular kid.

S3

[39:31] Yeah, pointing out that kind of thing

[39:32] is not going to win you

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] in a conversation.

[39:33] By the way,

[39:33] you mean Frankenstein's monster.

[39:36] Frankenstein was the name

[39:37] of the scientist.

[39:39] Ow!

[39:40] Stop!

[39:40] Why are you hitting me?

[39:41] Don't put me in the locker.

Dan McCoy

[39:42] I think we've addressed this before,

[39:44] but I think that this is

[39:45] the reason why you came on

[39:46] The Daily Show

[39:47] to correct Jon Stewart

[39:48] about Wolverine.

[39:49] About Wolverine, yeah.

[39:50] Because I'm an irritating person.

[39:51] Right.

[39:52] And this one is from

[39:53] someone who's not related to me.

[39:55] It's from...

[39:56] Nice name.

[39:56] You, Dan McCoy?

[39:58] Yeah.

[39:59] Jeremiah, last name withheld.

[40:01] Mm-hmm.

[40:01] I think I probably know

[40:03] that last name.

[40:03] Dear Flophouse,

[40:04] I've been...

[40:05] Jeremiah Johnson.

[40:05] You can...

[40:06] Well, you can read the name

[40:08] from where you sit.

[40:09] That makes it easier.

S3

[40:10] So he says...

[40:11] That's who I thought it was.

Dan McCoy

[40:12] I've been enjoying your podcast.

[40:13] It's hilarious.

[40:15] Bangkok hilarious.

[40:18] I have a movie to recommend,

[40:20] although it may fall out

[40:21] of your intended scope,

[40:22] 13 Days Starring Kevin Costner

[40:23] and his Boston accent.

[40:26] It does fall out of our scope.

[40:28] It's a little old.

[40:29] It's a little old,

[40:30] but I think that it was good

[40:31] that we read this right now

[40:33] because we did our

[40:33] Kevin Costner movie.

[40:34] But he has several postscripts.

[40:36] P.S.

[40:37] On the blog,

[40:38] I would enjoy seeing pictures

[40:39] of the Flophouse crew

[40:40] watching movies.

Elliott Kalan

[40:41] You would not enjoy that

[40:42] as much as you think you would.

[40:43] Yeah, you think you would.

Dan McCoy

[40:44] There's a picture...

[40:45] Well, it's sort of inactive.

[40:46] It's not...

[40:47] I think there's one picture

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] on there of us

[40:48] sitting on a couch

[40:49] and it's exactly like that

[40:51] for two hours.

[40:52] There's no motion or anything.

[40:53] Right.

[40:54] My wife is the one

[40:54] who does the photos.

S3

[40:55] You never want to see

[40:56] Hawkeye's dad.

[40:57] There's certain people

[40:58] that you never want to see.

[40:59] All my references are 70s.

[41:00] Is that cool?

[41:01] I can throw off this?

[41:02] All right, I guess.

[41:03] It's like Barney Miller's wife.

Dan McCoy

[41:05] You don't ever want to see...

[41:05] You're talking about the movie

[41:06] Magic starring Anthony Hopkins

[41:08] and a ventriloquist dummy?

[41:09] No.

Elliott Kalan

[41:09] William Goldman's...

[41:10] Oh, I forgot to tell you

[41:11] about that, Dan.

[41:12] I met William Goldman

[41:13] last week.

[41:14] I'll tell you about that later.

[41:15] Did he script talk to something

S3

[41:16] and then take a large sum of money

Dan McCoy

[41:17] to keep writing about it

[41:18] but then tell everybody anyway?

[41:19] No.

[41:19] Don't talk about it

[41:20] on the podcast.

[41:22] An interesting story

[41:22] That would be interesting.

[41:23] Nobody wants to hear

[41:24] about my meeting.

[41:25] Screenwriter.

S3

[41:25] Famous screenwriter,

[41:26] William Goldman.

[41:26] Yes.

[41:27] Let's go back to our theories

[41:28] about what they were thinking

[41:29] on the set of Swing Boat.

Elliott Kalan

[41:31] What were we talking about?

[41:33] No, I was just...

[41:34] Jeremiah Johnson.

[41:34] Oh, yeah.

[41:34] Pictures of...

[41:35] We should do like a Fumetti

[41:37] of us watching the...

[41:38] You had like...

[41:39] Your Christmas holiday thing

[41:40] was kind of a mini Fumetti.

Dan McCoy

[41:42] Yeah.

[41:42] No, I think that we'll get

[41:43] some photos.

[41:44] My wife is the one

[41:45] who takes the photos.

[41:45] She was not here tonight.

[41:47] Also, Stuart was not here

[41:48] but I think in the future

[41:49] we should get some more pictures.

[41:51] He says PPS

[41:52] or PSS actually.

[41:53] PP.

Elliott Kalan

[41:54] No, PP is right.

[41:55] PPS.

[41:55] Yeah, post, post, script.

Dan McCoy

[41:56] Well...

[41:57] Yeah, post, script, script.

[41:58] He actually puts

[41:59] post, script, script here.

Elliott Kalan

[42:01] Come on, Jeremiah.

Dan McCoy

[42:02] If while watching a movie

[42:03] you guys, the Flophouse 3

[42:05] were bombarded with cosmic rays

[42:07] and bestowed with superpowers

[42:09] based on everyone's

[42:10] Flophouse style of commentary

[42:11] what would those superpowers be?

[42:13] And would you use your powers

[42:14] to combat the makers

[42:15] of the movies you review?

[42:17] And how would you react

[42:18] to a public that feared you

[42:19] because of your superpowers?

S3

[42:20] I wish I was a regular member

[42:21] of this panel

[42:22] because I get up every morning

[42:23] hoping to be asked questions like this.

Dan McCoy

[42:25] I think that we'll open this

[42:26] to Stuart when he's back

[42:27] but Will because you...

Elliott Kalan

[42:28] He's a character called The Stache

[42:29] and his ability is to wear tiny pants

[42:31] that don't really hide his junk

[42:32] and to know when boobs are around.

[42:35] That's good.

[42:36] Will, you're a big comics fan

Dan McCoy

[42:38] so I feel like you can jump in on this.

[42:40] I don't think that we need

[42:41] to exclude you as a co-host.

S3

[42:43] Yeah.

[42:44] So do I answer myself first?

[42:46] Okay.

[42:46] Yeah, sure.

[42:47] Okay.

[42:47] I'd be some kind of bird costume.

[42:49] Okay.

[42:49] Hopefully an endangered species

[42:50] like an eagle or a condor.

[42:52] Okay.

[42:53] And my ability would be

[42:54] to interrupt

[42:55] and to say somebody else's idea

[42:57] as they were saying it.

[42:58] is what my superpower would be.

Dan McCoy

[43:00] I think I would be something

[43:01] called like the librarian

[43:03] or the professor.

[43:04] I can see that.

[43:05] Professor librarian.

[43:06] I would be...

[43:07] I would have an entirely tweed

[43:09] sort of unitard.

[43:10] And a pipe.

[43:11] A tweed unitard.

[43:12] He's got elbow patches

[43:13] on that unitard.

Elliott Kalan

[43:15] Incredibly uncomfortable.

[43:16] Mr.

[43:17] They probably missed a chafe.

[43:19] They probably missed a chafe.

Dan McCoy

[43:21] And my power would be

[43:22] to be consistently...

Elliott Kalan

[43:24] I hope you have

[43:24] calamine lotion

[43:25] on the inside of that costume.

Dan McCoy

[43:27] Consistently avoid

[43:28] matching others

[43:29] in their quips

[43:30] because I'm concerned

[43:32] about keeping

[43:33] the show on track.

Elliott Kalan

[43:34] You'd have a subtle

[43:35] voice of authority

[43:36] that fails to keep us in line.

[43:38] Time for the next bullet point,

Dan McCoy

[43:39] you'd say.

Elliott Kalan

[43:40] And I'd be Chatterbox,

[43:41] the joker of the group,

[43:42] even more nasal

[43:43] and annoying

[43:44] than I am in real life.

[43:45] Or the corrector.

[43:48] The referenceizer.

[43:49] The asterisk.

[43:50] That's a good one.

[43:51] I think I'd be called Chatterbox.

[43:52] I don't think that...

[43:53] And my cost

[43:54] and I'd have like

[43:55] those wind-up teeth.

[43:57] I'd have one in each hand

[43:58] and I'd go...

[44:00] Like point them at people.

[44:01] You irritate the criminals

Dan McCoy

[44:02] back into jail.

[44:02] Exactly.

[44:03] I'd rather be in jail.

Elliott Kalan

[44:05] Not another moment.

Dan McCoy

[44:07] You give people

[44:07] like a minor rash

[44:08] by those Chatterboxes.

[44:10] Cathering teeth

[44:10] and biting their arms.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] Ow! Ow!

[44:12] Those teeth!

[44:13] And stop talking about

[44:14] Mishima,

[44:14] A Life in Four Chapters.

Dan McCoy

[44:16] Wow.

[44:17] Paul Schrader, people.

Elliott Kalan

[44:18] It's rare that I don't think

[44:19] about that movie

[44:19] ever since I saw it.

[44:20] It's a good movie.

[44:21] It's good?

[44:21] It's really good.

S3

[44:22] I don't think I've ever seen

[44:23] any of his movies

[44:23] because I mean,

[44:24] it's not Taxi Driver,

[44:25] but not like

[44:25] any of his directed.

Elliott Kalan

[44:26] Of the ones I've seen

[44:27] these directed,

[44:27] I like this one the most.

[44:28] It's much better.

[44:29] Was Autofocus?

[44:30] Autofocus.

[44:31] The Referencer.

[44:32] Blue Collar.

[44:33] Blue Collar.

[44:33] Yeah.

[44:34] He's done some good ones,

[44:36] but Mishima's the only one

[44:37] I saw by him

[44:38] when I was blown away by it.

[44:39] I like Blue Collar a lot.

[44:40] Blue Collar's not bad.

[44:42] That's the one in,

[44:43] there's a book called

[44:44] What Happens Next,

[44:45] which is supposed to be

[44:45] a history of Hollywood screenwriting,

[44:47] and it kind of,

[44:47] it's a pretty good book,

[44:48] but it skips a lot at times,

[44:50] but it talks about

[44:51] Paul Schrader

[44:52] directing Blue Collar

[44:53] and almost,

[44:55] or definitely,

[44:56] breaking down in tears

[44:57] on the set

[44:57] because Richard Pryor

[44:59] and Yafet Kodo

[44:59] hated each other so much,

[45:01] and would argue,

[45:02] and Richard Pryor

[45:03] turning to him and going,

[45:04] are you going to be a man

[45:05] or are you going to be a pussy

[45:06] when Paul Schrader

[45:07] is like in tears

[45:08] on the set of his own movie?

[45:09] Wow.

[45:10] He's an interesting character,

[45:11] Paul Schrader.

[45:11] He didn't see a movie

[45:12] until he went to college,

[45:13] I think.

[45:14] His family was very religious

[45:15] and they wouldn't let him

[45:16] go to the movies.

[45:16] Really?

[45:17] Yeah.

[45:17] Why are people good at things

S3

[45:18] right in front of me like that?

[45:20] That is annoying that he

[45:21] started so late

[45:23] and then was that awesome.

Dan McCoy

[45:24] I don't know that Paul Schrader

[45:25] is rubbing it into your face.

S3

[45:26] I think he might be a little bit.

[45:28] Not me directly,

[45:29] but just the world at large.

[45:30] Hey,

[45:30] I just saw movies

[45:31] like five years ago.

[45:32] I did this.

[45:33] And I'm making them.

[45:34] You know what?

[45:34] They so hard.

[45:35] Richard Pryor called me a pussy.

[45:37] What do you think of that?

[45:38] Take that.

[45:40] I think he's definitely rubbing it in.

Dan McCoy

[45:41] That's a really abrasive,

[45:42] Paul Schrader.

S3

[45:43] Hey,

[45:44] you know what?

[45:44] I'm making a movie

[45:45] called Autofocus.

Dan McCoy

[45:46] You shove it up your ass.

[45:48] From all accounts,

[45:49] Paul Schrader is a fairly abrasive character.

[45:51] I'm going to fucking make

[45:52] an exorcist prequel.

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] What?

[45:54] What movie did you make?

[45:55] It's going to be taken away from me.

[45:57] And reshot completely.

[45:59] Fuck you.

S3

[46:00] Fuck you,

[46:01] Brittany Harlan.

[46:01] My movie got taken away from me.

[46:05] I'm Paul Schrader!

[46:07] Movies are easy.

[46:08] That's what it says.

Elliott Kalan

[46:10] That's why I don't care.

[46:11] It's like I pooped that out.

[46:12] Top of the world, man.

[46:13] Oh, I sneezed.

[46:14] There's a movie.

[46:15] Whatever.

[46:15] You become Cody Jarrett from YG.

[46:18] Sure, why not?

Dan McCoy

[46:20] But to briefly go back to the question,

[46:22] I don't think that we would combat

[46:23] the makers of those movies.

[46:25] I think that the movies

[46:25] would give us our powers.

Elliott Kalan

[46:26] Yeah, we would gain powers from movies

[46:28] and feel really depressed

[46:29] that people feared and hated us

[46:30] and probably, like,

[46:31] sulk and sit in our dark rooms.

Dan McCoy

[46:33] People may fear and hate us

[46:34] based on the numbers for this podcast.

[46:37] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] We get at least a listener.

[46:40] No, no, it's fine.

Dan McCoy

[46:41] It's fine.

[46:41] But I would like to recommend

[46:43] that people tell people

[46:45] about the podcast

[46:45] and sign up on iTunes

[46:47] and write a review.

[46:49] The Flophouse Podcast

[46:50] at blogspot.com.

[46:51] Anyway.

[46:52] Unless you're Paul Schrader.

S3

[46:53] Hey, I heard your podcast.

[46:55] It's garbage.

[46:56] I'm going to make it.

[46:57] First of all,

[46:57] I never heard a podcast

[46:58] until two weeks ago.

[46:59] I'm going to shit a podcast.

[47:01] That's way better.

[47:01] I could do it in my sleep.

[47:03] I just did one.

[47:03] I'm sleeping right now.

[47:04] I got a podcast right now.

[47:05] Easy.

[47:05] It's great.

[47:06] It's dramatic.

[47:06] It'll whip your heart

[47:07] out of your face.

Dan McCoy

[47:08] My podcast will explode

[47:10] in your ears.

[47:11] Schrader out.

[47:12] You've been Schraderized.

S3

[47:17] This is the Schrader speaking.

[47:18] Talk to me.

[47:19] What does he sound like?

[47:20] I don't have any idea.

Dan McCoy

[47:22] I imagine he's a much calmer man.

[47:25] He's very soft and thoughtful.

[47:27] I doubt that he's like that.

[47:28] I just like the idea

Elliott Kalan

[47:29] of him answering the phone.

[47:30] Schrader here.

[47:30] Talk to me.

[47:31] You got the Schrader.

[47:34] Hang on.

[47:34] I got to stop talking to you.

[47:35] I just got an amazing,

[47:36] heartbreaking idea

[47:37] I got to write down.

[47:37] Oh my God.

[47:38] You're going to cry your face off

[47:40] when you see this movie.

[47:41] It's like the American soul

[47:42] but it's coming out

[47:43] of my butt crack.

[47:44] I wish there was

[47:44] a big enough audience

[47:45] that I could do

[47:46] a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles sketch

[47:48] where they have to fight

[47:49] the Schrader.

[47:51] Their villain is Paul Schrader

[47:53] but he's a ninja.

[47:54] Have you seen Elliot's

Dan McCoy

[47:54] new comedy show?

[47:55] The parody of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

[47:57] and Paul Schrader?

[47:58] It'll be right up there.

[47:58] It plays to an audience

Elliott Kalan

[47:59] of four people.

[48:00] With my sketch

[48:01] I told you about once, Dan,

[48:02] where Sinclair Lewis

[48:03] is Grandpa Al Lewis' dad.

[48:06] And Sinclair Lewis is so mad

[48:08] because he's like,

[48:08] listen, I'm a famous author.

[48:10] Do you know how old

[48:11] it makes me feel

[48:11] that my son is named

[48:12] Grandpa Al Lewis?

[48:14] That's what I like about it.

[48:15] I wrote Elmer Gantry.

[48:16] You're a vampire on television.

Dan McCoy

[48:18] Yeah, he's mad about,

[48:19] he's more mad about

[48:20] what it says about his age

[48:22] and less about,

[48:23] he's like,

[48:24] you are ruining

[48:25] the family name

[48:26] by appearing

S3

[48:27] on this monster-based sitcom.

[48:29] A lot of Elliot's

[48:29] comedic sketches

[48:30] require that an amazing

[48:32] science fiction device

[48:33] be true

[48:33] but that no one

[48:34] in the universe

[48:35] is concerned

[48:35] with the science fiction device.

[48:36] They also require

Dan McCoy

[48:37] an amazing spectrum

[48:38] of references

[48:39] like both Sinclair Lewis

[48:41] and Grandpa Al Lewis.

[48:42] I want Samuel J. Tilden

S3

[48:44] to be having a conversation

[48:46] with Howard Dean Stanton.

Dan McCoy

[48:50] Howard Dean Stanton?

[48:52] Oh, I mixed that up.

[48:52] No, that would be great.

[48:54] We're like,

[48:54] we're going to Paris.

[48:55] We're going to Texas.

[48:57] Paris, Texas.

[48:58] Oh, right.

[48:59] Harry Dean Stanton.

[49:00] I forgot the real guys now.

[49:01] There's one last post-script

[49:03] or a post-script-script-script.

Elliott Kalan

[49:06] I wish I could do a TV show

[49:07] where Harry Dean Stanton

[49:08] traveled through time

[49:08] just talking to people.

[49:10] Hey, how you doing?

S3

[49:11] No one would be thrown.

[49:13] He's an everyman.

[49:14] Everyone's voice is the same

[49:16] in your movie.

[49:16] How you doing?

[49:17] I'm Harry Dean Stanton.

[49:18] I'm an improv actor

[49:19] non-parallel.

[49:20] I've gotten through

[49:21] 10 years of improv

[49:22] doing no characters.

[49:23] I have loud

[49:24] and I have not talking.

[49:26] Stand on the back wall.

Elliott Kalan

[49:28] There was a thing

[49:29] I used to be

[49:29] when I was Ian Roberts

[49:30] showing,

[49:31] he's like,

[49:32] I'm going to create

[49:32] a character just now.

[49:33] Create a character.

[49:34] He's an IRA terrorist.

[49:35] Yeah.

[49:36] And then it was like,

[49:37] okay, well,

[49:37] ask me any questions.

[49:38] I'll answer them

[49:38] in character.

[49:39] Okay,

[49:40] what do you feel

[49:41] about the British

[49:42] occupation of Ireland?

[49:43] Yeah.

[49:44] I hadn't really

[49:44] thought of it.

[49:45] Yeah.

[49:45] Every answer was,

[49:49] This is his character.

[49:50] He's created this

[49:50] whole character

[49:51] who has no opinions

[49:52] about anything.

[49:52] Right.

[49:53] Ian Roberts is a

[49:53] great character.

Dan McCoy

[49:54] Indecisive.

[49:55] Lastly, though,

[49:56] I want to read

[49:56] this last post-script

[49:57] because it's kind

[49:57] of wistful.

[49:58] I can't stop you.

[49:59] It's sort of wistful.

[50:00] Okay.

[50:00] I just started

[50:01] watching Silver Streak

[50:02] on that Netflix

[50:03] on demand thing.

[50:04] It's good.

[50:06] Thanks for the tip.

[50:07] Will Med Beatty

[50:08] ever have a happy ending?

[50:11] It's true, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[50:12] I guess in network

[50:13] it's implied that he

[50:14] continues his reign

[50:15] as a Pluto.

Dan McCoy

[50:15] I think probably

[50:17] at this point

[50:18] in his career,

[50:18] no.

[50:19] There's the answer to that.

Elliott Kalan

[50:20] I mean,

[50:21] what's he done last?

[50:23] The last thing I remember

[50:24] he was playing,

[50:24] he was in

[50:25] Out of the Hot Tin Roof

[50:26] on Broadway.

[50:26] Switching channels.

[50:29] That's quite a long time ago.

[50:31] He's a great actor

[50:32] who unfortunately

[50:33] got raped early on film

[50:35] and that was it for him.

[50:37] It's like,

[50:38] I can only be a bumbling

[50:39] sidekick in a Superman movie now.

[50:41] Yeah.

S3

[50:42] The whole world

[50:42] saw you be somebody's bitch

Dan McCoy

[50:44] and that is it.

[50:45] Backwoods people

[50:46] have emasculated

[50:47] my career.

Elliott Kalan

[50:49] I got typecast

[50:49] as the rape guy.

[50:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:52] All right, man,

[50:52] we've talked a while.

[50:53] I'm sorry.

[50:54] No, no, no, it's good.

[50:55] It's all gold.

[50:56] Oh, good.

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] It's always like,

[50:58] let's get in and out, people.

[50:59] We gotta go home.

[51:00] Oh, wait,

[51:00] we've been talking

[51:00] for 40 hours.

S3

[51:01] Everything on the internet,

[51:02] videos have to be

[51:03] like two seconds long

[51:04] but podcasts are allowed

[51:05] to be like an hour and a half.

[51:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[51:06] Yeah, they go on.

[51:07] Double standard.

[51:08] They extend

[51:09] towards the horizon.

[51:10] Quickly,

[51:11] to prove that we're not

[51:13] miserable jerks

[51:14] who hate everything,

[51:16] let's do some recommendations

[51:17] of movies that we've seen

[51:18] recently that we liked

[51:19] and in the instance

[51:20] of Going Fast,

[51:22] I will say

[51:22] that recently I saw

[51:23] Ghost Town,

[51:24] a movie that was

[51:25] not embraced by audiences

[51:27] while I was in the theater.

[51:28] It has some problems,

[51:29] you know,

[51:30] the script is a little

[51:31] on the nose,

[51:32] but...

Elliott Kalan

[51:33] I'm in a ghost town.

[51:35] This is a town

[51:35] full of ghosts.

[51:36] Not big enough

Dan McCoy

[51:37] to be a city

[51:37] and everyone's dead.

[51:40] They tried to sell it

[51:41] as like a wacky comedy

[51:42] and I think that's because

[51:44] Ricky Gervais

[51:45] was the main guy

[51:46] and they're like,

[51:47] okay,

[51:47] we can't sell it

[51:47] as what it is

[51:48] which is a romantic comedy

[51:49] because no one's

[51:51] going to be like...

[51:51] Because he's hideously

[51:51] unattractive.

[51:52] Well,

[51:52] people aren't going

[51:53] to be like,

[51:53] oh,

[51:54] that's the leading man

[51:55] I want to see.

Elliott Kalan

[51:56] And here's what's wrong

[51:56] with movies today.

[51:57] There used to be a time

[51:58] when your romantic lead

[52:00] could be Gene Wilder

[52:01] or Elliot Gould,

[52:02] like a normal looking person

[52:04] but now it has to be

[52:06] like Josh Hartnett

[52:07] or George Clooney.

[52:08] It can't be someone

[52:09] who is of average looks.

S3

[52:10] I think movies

[52:11] go through phases.

[52:12] Well,

[52:12] first of all,

[52:12] they're always more

[52:13] forgiving to men

[52:13] than women.

[52:14] There's never been a time

[52:15] when a homely woman

[52:16] has been the romantic...

[52:16] Except for Marty

Elliott Kalan

[52:17] and the whole point of it

[52:18] was that these are

[52:19] two homely people.

[52:20] But yeah,

[52:21] you're right.

[52:21] It's never...

[52:22] And that movie

S3

[52:22] was like a once

[52:23] in a century occurrence

[52:25] of like talent.

Elliott Kalan

[52:27] It's only when...

[52:28] Yeah,

[52:28] it's always an average guy

[52:29] with a very attractive woman.

[52:31] But it was a very sweet movie.

[52:32] Or like Modern Romance

[52:33] with the Albert Brooks movie

[52:35] where it's like...

[52:37] It's a really funny movie

[52:39] but the whole movie

[52:39] you're like,

[52:39] she's way too pretty

[52:41] for Albert Brooks.

[52:41] Come on.

S3

[52:43] Except in real life,

[52:44] like the millionaire

[52:45] famous Albert Brooks...

[52:46] Yeah,

[52:46] well then he can get

Elliott Kalan

[52:47] any woman he wants.

S3

[52:48] That's why these guys

[52:48] sit down and write movies

[52:49] like,

[52:49] I'm the lead

[52:50] and I obviously have

[52:50] women swimming all over me

[52:51] because they have done so

[52:52] since I had one ounce

[52:54] of fame in this city.

[52:55] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:55] But,

[52:55] you know,

[52:56] three good performances.

[52:58] Ricky Gervais,

[52:59] what's his face?

[53:00] Greg Kinnear.

[53:01] Greg Kinnear is good in it.

[53:02] Taylor Leone,

[53:03] who I think

[53:03] often is a little,

[53:05] I don't know,

[53:05] there's something like

[53:06] sharp or cold about her

[53:08] but she's very warm

[53:08] in this movie.

[53:09] And it's one of those

[53:10] rare romantic comedies

[53:11] where you're like,

[53:12] oh,

[53:12] I could see these people

[53:13] falling in love.

[53:14] I understand what they

[53:14] have in common

[53:15] other than the fact

[53:16] that the screenwriter

[53:17] has thrown them together.

[53:19] So,

[53:19] I recommend that.

Elliott Kalan

[53:21] Yeah.

[53:21] And she puts her face

[53:22] right near like a ghost's penis,

[53:24] right?

[53:24] Sure.

[53:24] Or somebody does?

Dan McCoy

[53:25] There's that in it.

Elliott Kalan

[53:25] I saw that in the commercial

[53:26] and I was like,

[53:27] I don't know if I'm going

[53:28] to see this movie.

[53:29] Yeah.

[53:29] Because how come

[53:30] the other ghosts

[53:30] have clothes but he doesn't?

Dan McCoy

[53:32] Well,

[53:32] because people wear

[53:34] what they had on

[53:35] when they died.

[53:35] That is a dumb rule.

Elliott Kalan

[53:37] Well,

[53:37] it's consistent though.

[53:38] It's enforceable.

[53:40] Apparently they've ghost cops.

[53:41] Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[53:42] Take that shirt off, buddy.

[53:44] You died in the shower.

[53:45] Yeah.

[53:45] You don't get to wear pants.

S3

[53:47] I'll take any

[53:48] supernatural rules

[53:49] on as it's held

[53:50] firmly throughout.

[53:51] Okay.

[53:52] I would agree with that.

Elliott Kalan

[53:53] All right.

[53:54] Well,

[53:54] then I'm outvoted.

S3

[53:56] Your vote doesn't count.

[53:57] I haven't seen any movies recently.

[53:58] I feel bad.

[53:58] Your rule,

[53:59] it should be recent, right?

Elliott Kalan

[54:00] It should be recent

[54:00] but it can be anything.

S3

[54:01] I'm going to have to bend the rules.

[54:02] I saw Scanner Darkly

[54:03] on Netflix streaming

[54:04] which is some years ago,

[54:06] like four years ago

[54:06] or something.

[54:07] But I really liked it.

[54:08] I expected it to be

[54:09] really boring

[54:09] and I thought it was

[54:10] really cool.

[54:11] That movie kind of went

[54:12] quickly, I think.

[54:14] Relatively quickly.

[54:15] I thought it was like,

[54:16] it wasn't great

[54:16] but it was like smart,

[54:18] like a lot of fun sequences.

[54:20] I guess like a lot of

[54:20] his movies,

[54:22] Linklater,

[54:22] is that what he said?

[54:23] Richard Linklater?

[54:24] Like good stretches of actors

[54:25] kind of being natural

[54:26] and real with each other

[54:27] and not a huge heightening

[54:28] of story.

[54:30] That's very Linklater,

[54:30] yeah.

[54:31] And you can finally

Dan McCoy

[54:32] fulfill your dream

[54:33] of seeing rotoscoped

[54:35] Winona Ryder's breasts.

[54:37] Yeah.

[54:37] What?

[54:37] That's true.

[54:39] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[54:39] How come I haven't seen

[54:39] this movie?

Dan McCoy

[54:40] Yeah.

[54:41] You have a real fetish

[54:42] for cartoon Winona Ryder.

Elliott Kalan

[54:43] Well, cartoon breasts,

[54:45] really.

Dan McCoy

[54:45] Yeah.

[54:45] And the rotoscoping

[54:46] I think that animation

S3

[54:48] style is cool.

[54:49] I thought it worked

[54:49] for like a weird

[54:50] science fiction style

[54:51] where you want some things

[54:52] to be weird

[54:52] and some things

[54:53] to be natural.

[54:53] Yeah.

[54:54] I just want the audience

Elliott Kalan

[54:55] to know I don't really

[54:55] have a thing for cartoon boobs.

[54:57] I do.

[54:58] It's too late now.

[54:58] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[54:59] People believe the first thing

[55:00] they hear, Elliot.

[55:01] Ah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:03] That's why Hitler

[55:03] got along so well

[55:04] for so long.

[55:05] Yeah.

[55:06] No, don't listen to that guy.

[55:07] He's crazy.

[55:08] Sorry, my mind's made up.

[55:09] I'm on him already.

S3

[55:11] Yeah.

[55:12] That's science.

Elliott Kalan

[55:12] That's the broadest accent

[55:13] I've ever done for a German.

S3

[55:14] Not like my straighter.

[55:15] Hey, you want accent?

[55:17] Your accent's a crap.

[55:18] I hadn't heard accent

[55:19] until I was 45.

[55:20] I've never been out

[55:21] of the country.

[55:22] Oh, I'm French.

Elliott Kalan

[55:24] Look how French I am.

[55:24] Jeez.

[55:26] Easy.

[55:27] Accents are easy.

[55:28] Traitor!

[55:29] He yells his name

[55:30] at intervals.

[55:32] Yeah.

S3

[55:32] It's like self-centered Tourette's.

Elliott Kalan

[55:33] Well, I'll...

[55:34] That's weird.

S3

[55:35] That's a mad TV sketch

[55:37] from like 10 years ago.

[55:38] It is.

Elliott Kalan

[55:38] Traitor, traitor, traitor.

[55:40] Well, it doesn't really

[55:41] offend anybody.

[55:43] It's just kind of...

[55:44] It's out of the ordinary.

[55:45] It's repetitive.

[55:45] The reference is a little obscure

[55:46] for mad TV.

[55:47] I don't know if we're going to...

[55:48] Oh, they did tons

S3

[55:49] of Schrader sketches.

Dan McCoy

[55:51] They were America's clearinghouse

[55:53] for Schrader sketches.

[55:54] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[55:55] Because there's so many

[55:55] that needed clearing out.

[55:57] Yeah.

[55:58] At Ross bottom of the races.

[56:00] You can't go to a...

Elliott Kalan

[56:00] Every college sketch

[56:00] The superhero sketch,

[56:02] there's zombie sketch,

[56:03] there's Schrader sketch.

[56:04] You can't just throw them out, Elliot.

[56:05] They've been written.

[56:06] I guess so.

[56:07] I mean, they don't expire until...

[56:08] What's your movie, Elliot?

S3

[56:09] Name a movie you like.

[56:11] We're going to be here for longer

[56:12] than it took Kevin Costner

[56:13] to cast a vote.

Elliott Kalan

[56:14] I saw on Friday of last week,

[56:16] I saw Coraline,

[56:17] which I enjoyed a lot.

[56:18] That's the new movie

[56:19] with the voices of Dakota Fanning

[56:21] and Terry Hatcher

[56:22] and John Hodgman

[56:23] and some other people

[56:24] who I don't remember.

[56:25] It looks beautiful.

[56:26] The trailer makes it look...

[56:27] It's really...

[56:27] The animation's fantastic.

[56:29] It's Henry Selleck

[56:29] who directed

[56:30] Nightmare Before Christmas.

[56:31] Ooh.

[56:32] And I think James and the Giant Peach.

[56:33] Yeah, James and the Giant Peach.

[56:35] And it's just...

[56:36] He outdoes both of those movies

[56:37] in terms of the animation.

[56:38] Really great.

[56:39] And the figure acting is fantastic.

[56:41] And the design is really cool.

[56:43] And the voice acting,

[56:45] strangely enough,

[56:45] is really good.

[56:46] Really?

[56:46] Like, usually they hire celebrities

[56:48] and they're just like...

[56:49] So they can promote

[56:49] with their names.

[56:50] Be yourself.

[56:50] Right.

[56:51] You're Eddie Murphy.

[56:52] Just Eddie Murphy enough.

[56:53] But John Hodgman

[56:54] actually acts in it

[56:55] and gets across this character

[56:57] that doesn't sound like...

[56:58] Too much like he does

[56:59] in real life.

[57:00] Terry Hatcher and Dakota Fanning

[57:01] both do a good acting job

[57:03] of creating the characters

[57:04] that they're doing.

[57:05] And it was just like a real...

[57:06] And it's one of those movies

[57:07] that like...

[57:08] There's no pop culture

[57:09] references in it.

[57:10] There's no like...

[57:11] Song montages

[57:12] set to 80s hits or something.

[57:14] It's not a DreamWorks film.

[57:15] It's not a Dream...

[57:15] It's not Shrek, basically.

[57:17] Yeah.

[57:17] And like...

[57:18] This is a movie

[57:19] that you can watch

[57:20] 10 years from now.

[57:21] Or you could have watched it

[57:22] 10 years ago

[57:23] and it would have been

[57:24] just as good.

[57:25] I mean, if the movie

[57:27] had existed 10 years ago.

[57:28] No, you're factually

Dan McCoy

[57:28] you're wrong there.

[57:29] Yeah, what you're saying

[57:30] is a temporal impossibility.

Elliott Kalan

[57:31] Okay, well 10 years from now

[57:32] and then another 10 years

[57:33] on top of that.

[57:34] And by the way,

[57:34] it's Frankenstein's monster.

[57:36] Ding!

[57:36] Why I oughta...

[57:38] You guys...

Dan McCoy

[57:39] Will knows what that is.

[57:40] It's a callback.

Elliott Kalan

[57:42] But it was...

[57:43] It was a really good story

[57:45] told like...

[57:46] In this solid way

[57:47] with beautiful animation.

[57:47] And the only caveat

[57:48] that I would give

[57:50] for the mTOR

[57:51] is I saw it in 3D

[57:54] and I would recommend

[57:54] not seeing it in 3D.

[57:55] I feel like

[57:56] the images are so beautiful

[57:58] on their own

[57:58] and there's so much

[57:59] going on in them

[57:59] and the lighting

[58:00] is so not conducive

[58:02] to 3D

[58:02] in that the images

[58:03] are composed.

[58:04] They're not made

[58:05] for things to jump out

[58:06] at you.

[58:07] That it really was

[58:08] distracting and not so...

[58:09] And like your brain

[58:11] is working harder

[58:12] to channel the 3D images

[58:13] and it makes it harder

[58:15] to focus on

[58:15] what's going on.

[58:16] Whereas Beowulf

[58:17] was much better in 3D

[58:18] than it would have been

[58:19] out of it

[58:19] because it's just

[58:20] this fucking guy

[58:21] shoving things in your face

[58:22] and there's a monster

[58:22] and then the camera

[58:23] zooms in.

[58:24] But this, you know,

[58:25] is a movie

[58:25] so it was a lot better.

Dan McCoy

[58:27] We're rapidly approaching

[58:28] the limits

[58:29] of what GarageBand

[58:30] can handle

[58:31] in a single audio file

[58:32] so we should sign off.

[58:34] Okay.

[58:35] Thanks for having me, guys.

[58:36] Yeah.

[58:36] Thanks for coming.

[58:38] Thanks for inviting me.

[58:38] I've been Dan McCoy.

[58:40] I'm Will Hines.

Elliott Kalan

[58:41] And I remain Elliot Kalin.

[58:43] Good night.

S3

[58:46] Do do do do do do do do do do do do.

[58:47] Oh, Shatterbox with the last words.

[58:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[58:54] Wait, do you need to know

[58:55] how to describe me?

[58:56] We could let you introduce yourself

[58:57] to the listening public.

[58:58] I was going to do it.

[58:59] Do it however you want.

[59:00] Unless you have a specific intro

[59:01] that you want.

[59:01] I'm micromanaging and banning

S3

[59:03] at the same time.

Elliott Kalan

[59:03] You do whatever you want.

[59:05] This has got to be perfect.

[59:07] Right.

[59:08] We cannot screw up.

[59:09] You know what?

[59:09] It doesn't matter.

[59:10] Let's just play it loosey-goosey.

[59:11] Stay on point.

Dan McCoy

[59:12] And three, two, one.

[59:16] Thank you.

The Flop House: Episode #31 - Swing Vote

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