Academy Awards Flopstacular 2009!

[0:00] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[0:29] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:30] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:32] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:33] Yeah, and tonight it's our annual awards flop-tacular.

[0:37] Yep.

[0:38] Ba-da-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-da-da-da-da.

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] When all the stars come out to shine.

[0:43] Yep, the annual things we do once a year.

Dan McCoy

[0:47] I think I see Stuart walking down the red carpet wearing a tuxedo t-shirt as if he's a character in a slobs versus snobs comedy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:58] Which one would I be?

[1:00] I don't know.

[1:01] And here's Elliot with his dress backpack on bedazzled with thousands of emeralds.

Dan McCoy

[1:09] So let's join the flop-tacular.

[1:14] Inside.

[1:17] No, no, no.

[1:18] That's the 4th of July.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21] So, before we get started, like, before the Oscars, they have, like, you know, they show people walking on the red carpet.

[1:26] And they also showed, uh, they had that Barbara Walters special on the other guys.

Elliott Kalan

[1:30] I saw 10 seconds of it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:32] Okay.

[1:32] Did you see the part with Hugh Jackman?

[1:35] Uh, that's Wolverine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:36] Gave her a lap dance?

[1:37] Yeah, gave her a lap dance.

[1:38] That's the only part I saw.

[1:39] Yeah.

[1:39] It was really weird.

[1:41] It was creepy and gross, but not as bad as Barbara Walters pole dancing with Demi Moore the year the striptease came out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47] Yeah, I guess you're probably right.

[1:49] Uh, it's basically like trying to decide which, uh, type of shit smells worse, but...

Dan McCoy

[1:55] The eloquent flop house awards flop-tacular.

[1:59] So, uh, I know why everyone's tuning in tonight to hear...

[2:03] Everyone's tuning in to think...

[2:04] To hear what we thought about the frocks.

[2:07] Who was the best and worst dressed?

[2:09] Oh, that's what you're talking about.

[2:11] The...

[2:11] Oh, the petticoats.

Elliott Kalan

[2:13] Um, trousseaus.

Dan McCoy

[2:15] Yep.

[2:16] Everyone, everyone, you might think, uh, that the looks were, uh, retro, but they're actually futuristic.

Elliott Kalan

[2:21] Actually futuristic.

[2:23] Uh...

[2:23] I mentioned that I thought that was funny to a co-worker of mine, and she said,

[2:27] No, but that's true.

[2:28] It was futuristic.

[2:29] It wasn't retro.

[2:30] And I said, Oh, it still sounds funny.

[2:32] And she said...

[2:33] And she said...

[2:33] And we got into an argument.

[2:34] So...

[2:35] Really?

[2:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:35] Was there, like, a fist fight in the Daily Show corridor?

[2:38] It was not a fist fight.

Elliott Kalan

[2:39] It was just a verbal sparring, and then I left.

Stuart Wellington

[2:42] Huh.

[2:42] At my job, uh, in a store filled with...

[2:46] Um, guys playing miniature games.

[2:49] Uh, war games.

[2:50] So was that like Pocket Tetris?

[2:52] Yes.

[2:52] We didn't...

[2:53] We didn't...

[2:54] Uh, we didn't really talk about the dresses very much.

Dan McCoy

[2:57] Hmm.

[2:58] What did you talk about with the Oscars?

Stuart Wellington

[3:00] Um, we talked about...

[3:03] Basically everyone just talked about Heath Ledger, and why he deserved to win it for Dark Knight.

[3:08] Hmm.

[3:08] Which he did.

[3:09] Yeah.

[3:10] That's about it.

Dan McCoy

[3:11] So that was a really short conversation.

Stuart Wellington

[3:13] It was, but then guys were talking about how Iron Man should have won for visual effects.

[3:18] Basically anything that was somewhat genre-related.

Elliott Kalan

[3:21] I imagine a lot of the conversations in your workplace go like this.

Stuart Wellington

[3:24] Pew, pew, pew!

[3:25] Oh, you got my guy!

[3:26] Pew, pew!

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] Yes.

[3:27] I'll stop him!

Dan McCoy

[3:28] Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.

[3:30] And then you make like...

[3:32] Like that's a horse.

Stuart Wellington

[3:35] Uh, folks, uh, don't let Elliot fool you.

[3:37] He actually is in my shop every other day.

Elliott Kalan

[3:40] Painting my miniatures.

[3:42] Yep.

[3:43] My miniatures.

[3:43] Yep.

[3:44] Uh, well let's...

[3:45] Let's...

[3:45] Uh, the Oscars, how do we think Hugh...

[3:47] Huge Jackman did?

Dan McCoy

[3:50] Well, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] Does he get a thumbs up or a flop down?

Dan McCoy

[3:54] I, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[3:54] Yeah, he's from Australia.

Dan McCoy

[3:56] When he was actually on stage, I thought he did a pretty good job.

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] Yeah, I think he had to go backstage and take some morphine every now and then to feed some

[4:03] addiction he might have, because he was absent for long periods of time.

[4:06] But he was very good.

Dan McCoy

[4:07] I mean, I enjoyed the opening number and, uh, his interaction with the crowd.

Elliott Kalan

[4:13] Well, I just am glad that in the musical, the big musical medley, Salute to Music and Songs,

[4:19] they chose as many songs that were written for stage shows that were later adapted into

[4:23] films as possible, and as few songs written for the screen as possible.

[4:27] Yeah.

[4:27] Because I love...

[4:28] I love those original musicals like Chicago and, uh...

[4:34] West Side Story.

[4:34] West Side Story and, uh, that song from Moulin Rouge and, you know, all these songs that were

[4:40] written for movies only.

[4:41] It's like the Oscars forgot what they were about.

Dan McCoy

[4:43] That would win our Oscar for part of the Oscars that seemed to be from a different show.

Elliott Kalan

[4:49] That's only the second worst part of the Oscars, though.

[4:52] The worst being the 2008 yearbook.

Stuart Wellington

[4:54] What are you talking about?

[4:55] Like the bits where they showed, like, hey, remember?

[4:57] There were action movies that came out.

[4:59] Yeah, exactly.

[4:59] Yeah, that was kind of weird, but it was nice to see Death Race got a little...

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] Yes, it was.

[5:05] But, uh, yeah, but I thought the musical number at the top was very good, the Hugh Jackman

[5:08] musical number.

[5:09] Even the jokes that didn't work, I thought they were still amusing, and I liked the whole

[5:12] bit about how he didn't see the reader, because I thought that was funny.

Dan McCoy

[5:15] So we're in agreement.

Elliott Kalan

[5:16] And then the ceremony went downhill.

Dan McCoy

[5:18] Yeah.

[5:19] I mean, I think...

Stuart Wellington

[5:20] It was pretty fast, though.

[5:21] I mean, they didn't, like, far around.

Elliott Kalan

[5:23] No, except for the Salute to 2008, parts 1 through 10.

Stuart Wellington

[5:27] Yeah, that's true.

[5:28] Now, the weird bits were, like, in those Salute to 2008 moments.

[5:33] There were action movies.

[5:34] There was...

Elliott Kalan

[5:35] Comedies.

[5:36] Romance.

Stuart Wellington

[5:37] Romance, that's...

Elliott Kalan

[5:38] Animation.

[5:39] Animation.

[5:40] Basically, like, where are our profit sectors?

[5:43] Yeah.

[5:43] Hollywood Inc.

[5:44] Let's take a look at what our profit sectors are and make sure they're represented at the

[5:48] Hollywood Awards.

Dan McCoy

[5:50] Well, to me, the one that seemed the strangest was the romance one, because animation, you

[5:58] know, like, there are very few animated films released in a year compared to other...

[6:03] Compared to live-action movies.

[6:04] And so you can sort of encapsulate that in one montage.

[6:07] I saw more of...

Elliott Kalan

[6:08] I saw more of Space Chimps in that montage than I've ever seen before.

Dan McCoy

[6:12] Action films are basically sort of accepted as their own genre.

[6:16] You know, comedy, likewise.

[6:18] Whereas romance, you know, usually it's an element of a larger picture.

[6:24] You know, like, there are, you know, romantic comedies or romantic dramas.

[6:28] Romantic action movies.

[6:29] But most of them...

[6:30] Like Tango and Cash.

[6:32] The story of the love between a straight-laced cop and the cop...

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] And his loose cannon partner.

[6:38] And romantic animated films like Fritz the Cat.

[6:41] Mm-hmm.

[6:42] But so many...

[6:43] And the nine lives of Fritz the Cat.

Dan McCoy

[6:44] So many of the things in the romance montage were just like the romantic subplot from movies

[6:51] that were not...

Elliott Kalan

[6:51] I think literally what they were thinking was, we need something for girls also.

[6:55] We've got animation, comedy, which has become a man's game except for Tina Fey and Amy Poehler,

[6:59] basically.

[7:00] Women don't watch movies.

[7:01] And action.

[7:02] We need some ladies' movies in here.

[7:03] So we'll have kissing and shit.

[7:05] Yeah.

[7:05] And then ladies will like that.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] We had to cross off a couple potential categories like movies with horses, rainbows, the Zac Efron montage.

Elliott Kalan

[7:15] Movies about parties and party dresses.

[7:18] Well, that's like what...

[7:18] We all have girlfriends or wives.

[7:20] Strange as it is to believe.

Dan McCoy

[7:21] What happened last year when your boss hosted, when you had the joke montages.

Elliott Kalan

[7:27] And those...

[7:29] Well, the idea was that it was tributes to very specific things that were kind of cliches in movies.

[7:35] But this was...

[7:36] It was almost like they saw that and they were like,

[7:38] Alright, we'll go the opposite.

[7:41] Romance!

[7:41] But only in 2008.

[7:43] Like, if there's anything that the movies have created in the human mind,

[7:47] it's the idea of...

[7:48] This idea of romance that is very much a film creation.

[7:51] Romance has existed through the ages, you know, but like...

[7:54] Film romances are very specific things.

[7:55] Do tell, Elliot.

[7:57] Ever since the first caveman lit the first candle,

[8:00] romance has been a part of the human condition.

[8:03] Flash forward to ancient Babylonia.

[8:05] But like...

[8:06] But films are known for their...

[8:08] Like, if there's anything that they've been known for for their entirety since the silent era,

[8:12] it's the idea of romance.

[8:14] So to limit it to 2008 seems crazy.

Dan McCoy

[8:17] You were saying during the show that they were interested in just getting rid of any sense of film history.

[8:24] Well, it was the only...

Elliott Kalan

[8:25] Until the very end when they were like,

[8:27] This year's Best Picture nominees remind us of older films!

[8:31] That will cut in with them!

[8:32] Except for that, it was almost like they were trying to tell you,

[8:35] The only thing you need to know about the past in movies is that awards have been given out in the past.

[8:40] You don't need to know about the movies.

[8:42] Hollywood is about the Academy Awards, and occasionally it makes movies.

[8:45] And 2008 was the greatest year in Hollywood history.

[8:48] Let's look back at all the amazing movies that came out, like Death Race and The Tale of Desperate,

[8:53] You know, and High School Musical, whatever.

[8:56] Yeah, Clone Wars.

[8:56] I mean, that's what it is.

[8:57] They were saying,

[8:58] And Clone Wars...

[8:58] They were saying,

[8:59] Here's the stuff you didn't see in the theaters.

[9:01] You should rent it now.

[9:02] The same way that at the credits, they had the shots from movies coming out this year.

[9:06] By the way, in case you guys didn't know,

[9:09] We got more movies coming out!

[9:11] Don't worry!

[9:12] These weren't the only movies!

[9:13] There's more where this came from!

[9:15] Oh boy!

[9:16] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[9:17] If you thought these ones were good...

Elliott Kalan

[9:19] Wait till you get a load of!

[9:21] 2009!

[9:22] Oh gee!

Stuart Wellington

[9:23] The year of romance pictures!

Elliott Kalan

[9:25] So it was just like...

[9:27] It was a very mixed up Oscars.

[9:29] It was...

[9:30] In terms of the set and having the...

[9:32] And the way they did the music,

[9:33] They were going for an old Hollywood 30s vibe.

[9:36] But they refused to admit that they were movies...

[9:39] Except ones that starred people who are dead now.

[9:42] Like in the In Memoriam section,

[9:44] I was surprised they actually showed clips from movies.

Dan McCoy

[9:46] Well, those were a few of the things that I liked.

[9:48] I mean, they did try and change things up.

[9:51] And some of the changes I thought were good.

[9:53] Some of them...

[9:54] Some worked, yeah.

[9:54] ...were bad.

[9:55] And I liked the set in general.

[9:57] I thought it was a more interesting set.

[10:00] A more intimate set.

Elliott Kalan

[10:01] It didn't have any giant Oscars...

[10:03] Yeah.

[10:03] ...looming over people ready to crush them.

Stuart Wellington

[10:05] Didn't it have like a pink rainbow over the stage though?

Elliott Kalan

[10:08] It was a Swarovski crystal curtain.

[10:10] Yeah.

[10:11] It's a curtain made of Swarovski crystals.

[10:13] It was great...

[10:13] With moving lights behind them.

[10:14] It was kind of funny that the Hugh Jackman thing was all about.

[10:17] The budget's really low this year,

[10:19] So I made all my own props to use underneath this Swarovski crystal curtain.

[10:24] This billion dollar set.

Stuart Wellington

[10:26] The one thing about that montage about the people who died or whatever...

[10:31] Yeah.

[10:32] ...was while you were watching it,

[10:35] the camera kept kind of zooming and moving.

[10:38] And it seemed to be a little nauseous.

Elliott Kalan

[10:39] I felt like I was watching tech TV or G4 or whatever they call it now,

[10:42] where it's like,

[10:43] now we're going to...

[10:44] Or CNN, they do it too.

[10:46] Like, zoom in on the screen and then zoom away from the screen.

Dan McCoy

[10:49] It's like, please just show me the screen.

[10:51] We were watching this on a fairly, you know, large, flat screen.

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] Don't be modest, Dan.

[10:57] Your TV is 100 inches.

[10:59] No.

Dan McCoy

[11:00] But it's a reasonably large, high-definition television.

Elliott Kalan

[11:04] The highest definition possible.

Dan McCoy

[11:06] And we were...

[11:06] Not true at all.

[11:08] But we were watching it in HD,

[11:11] and we still had a hard time...

[11:12] That was the picture.

[11:13] ...reading the names of the people...

[11:14] It was so defined.

[11:16] A high level of definition.

Elliott Kalan

[11:18] But yeah, we had trouble reading who some of the people were,

[11:21] and just like, getting a good look at them.

[11:23] You know, it's...

[11:24] Yeah, I...

[11:24] You start off with Sid Charisse,

[11:26] one of the most beautiful women in history,

[11:28] and the camera's so far back,

[11:30] that you can't see what she looked like.

[11:31] What she's famous for is her gams.

[11:33] You can't see her gams, you know?

[11:34] What's the deal?

[11:35] I haven't seen her gams.

Dan McCoy

[11:36] Come on.

[11:36] And I was saying, it was as if...

Elliott Kalan

[11:37] Well, go rent Singing in the Rain,

[11:39] or us...

[11:40] You know, Silk Stockings or the Bandwagon.

[11:42] You'll be in Gam City.

Dan McCoy

[11:44] We like that show, Silk Stockings.

Elliott Kalan

[11:45] No, not at all.

[11:47] Spelled differently.

[11:50] No, but it was...

Dan McCoy

[11:51] Not USA's Silk Stockings.

[11:52] It was like the director forgot that this was a television show,

[11:56] and that what was on the screen on stage

[11:59] could fill up the whole screen for the viewers at home.

[12:02] But even...

[12:02] But they were trying to capture instead,

[12:04] what would the experience be like to be in the theater...

[12:07] On a boat.

[12:07] ...looking at a screen.

Elliott Kalan

[12:09] On a boat that keeps going back and forth.

[12:11] That keeps listing back and forth.

Dan McCoy

[12:13] Violently.

Elliott Kalan

[12:14] It was the same way when they're like,

[12:15] I want to show the nominee,

[12:17] and also the older, the previous winner,

[12:20] who's paying tribute to the nominee.

[12:22] Let's put them in a tiny double box

[12:23] with a huge mosaic around them

[12:25] of moments from this year's films,

[12:28] and we'll have Kung Fu Panda

[12:29] jumping in the air, biting something,

[12:31] every time,

[12:32] so that Elliot can't pay attention

[12:34] to what's being said,

[12:35] because he keeps being distracted

[12:36] by how goofy Kung Fu Panda is.

[12:38] It was a plot against you.

[12:39] It was, yeah.

[12:40] Gil, Cates, or whoever, was like,

[12:42] I don't want Elliot to be able to pay attention to this.

Dan McCoy

[12:44] Speaking of you, Elliot...

Elliott Kalan

[12:46] Hey, sure!

[12:47] Speak of me...

[12:47] We haven't talked about who won yet, also.

Dan McCoy

[12:49] No, no, no.

[12:49] I just want to break in and say,

[12:51] Elliot worked on the Oscars in some capacity in the past.

Elliott Kalan

[12:57] I worked in a larger capacity a couple years ago

[13:00] than I did last year.

[13:01] Still a little bit last year.

Dan McCoy

[13:03] But I want to mention that,

[13:04] because we did talk about this last year

[13:08] on our awards floptacular.

[13:10] However, that was back in the days

[13:11] when our sound was occasionally sort of dicey,

[13:14] and that was the diciest sound of any episode, I believe.

[13:18] The Andrew Dice Clay-iest sound.

[13:20] So if you want to retell any Oscar anecdotes

[13:23] at any point,

[13:24] I would encourage you to do so,

[13:25] because I feel like no one can hear them

[13:27] in the previous episode.

[13:28] I don't even remember it.

[13:29] Yeah, frankly, we don't listen to anything you say.

Elliott Kalan

[13:31] I know.

[13:32] Well, yeah, if you did,

[13:33] you wouldn't let me talk on as long as I do

[13:35] in each of these.

[13:36] I don't really remember any anecdotes in particular.

[13:38] I mean, I didn't get to go to L.A. for the Oscars.

[13:40] I worked on stuff in New York.

[13:42] I mean, the first year I worked on it

[13:43] was with the Brokeback Mountains years.

[13:46] So I did that.

[13:47] I co-produced the Gay Cowboy Montage.

[13:49] But the Gay Cowboy Montage,

[13:51] the only exciting thing about that, I guess,

[13:52] we spent a lot of time working on the sound mix for that.

[13:55] We rented all the movies.

[13:57] We were using sound from this particular music catalog.

[14:01] Some of the movies were tapes from my collection

[14:03] that didn't look that great because...

[14:05] Taped off television.

[14:06] Taped off television,

[14:07] because the movies were not available to us on DVD.

[14:09] And you'd think the Oscars would be like,

[14:10] whatever, we'll get you the original film elements.

[14:13] But no, of course not.

[14:14] And we worked a lot on the sound mix

[14:16] to get it all working right.

[14:17] And then it was a little too long.

[14:20] So the editors of the Oscars were like,

[14:21] ah, I guess I'll just pull this chunk out here.

[14:24] So there's this big, like,

[14:25] in the sound when it goes from one song

[14:27] to another really bluntly.

[14:29] And we were all really pissed off.

[14:31] And we were like,

[14:31] wow, the guys at the Oscars

[14:32] didn't really put that much work into massaging this.

[14:36] But the other funny thing was,

[14:37] the last clip in it

[14:39] involves Gregory Peck and Charlton Heston

[14:41] from the movie The Big Country,

[14:42] where Gregory Peck is leaving

[14:45] and Charlton Heston,

[14:46] I forget which one says to you,

[14:47] like Charlton Heston says,

[14:48] like, you didn't have to come say goodbye.

[14:51] And Charlton Heston's in his long underwear.

[14:53] And Gregory Peck goes,

[14:54] the kind of goodbye I had in mind

[14:55] would take a little more room.

[14:56] And then Charlton Heston just smolders at him

[14:59] and then gets up off the bed he's sitting on.

[15:02] And we cut it there.

[15:03] And apparently,

[15:04] the whole time we were really worried

[15:05] that John Wayne's family,

[15:08] his son in particular,

[15:09] runs a company called Wayne Enterprises,

[15:11] which is the same name as Batman's company.

[15:13] And they're very protective of his copyrighted image.

[15:16] So we were like,

[15:17] oh, we're going to get a lot of trouble

[15:17] from the Duke's people.

[15:19] Or I guess they just say Duke's people.

[15:20] They didn't call them the Duke.

[15:21] They do get a lot of trouble

[15:22] from John Wayne's people.

[15:23] They're going to be unhappy.

[15:24] They won't like this,

[15:25] the idea that he's gay.

[15:27] Da da da.

[15:27] And then we had no problem at all.

[15:30] But Gregory Peck's widow

[15:31] was very unhappy

[15:33] with the implication that he was gay.

[15:36] I'm coughing so much.

[15:37] That his character was gay in this scene.

[15:39] And so apparently,

[15:40] the president of the academy

[15:41] and Gil Cates, the producer,

[15:42] had to go out and visit Gregory Peck's widow

[15:45] and just be like,

[15:46] listen,

[15:47] let us give us permission.

[15:49] Don't worry about it.

[15:50] It's not such a big deal.

[15:51] And she said okay.

[15:53] But,

[15:53] I loved the idea that,

[15:56] I watched this movie on a tape in my house

[15:58] and I marked this scene

[15:59] as seeming kind of homoerotic

[16:00] and as a result,

[16:01] the president of the academy

[16:02] has to go talk,

[16:03] has to go drive over

[16:04] to Gregory Peck's widow's house

[16:05] and sit in her living room

[16:07] and explain to her that like,

[16:08] it's okay.

[16:08] He won't,

[16:09] people won't really think

[16:10] your late husband,

[16:11] the beloved screen actor,

[16:12] was gay.

Dan McCoy

[16:13] And that was one of the best received parts

[16:15] of that Oscars,

[16:16] if not the best received.

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] I thought we did a very,

[16:19] like,

[16:19] to toot my own horn,

[16:20] I thought we did a very good job

[16:21] and I was very proud of it afterwards

[16:22] and,

[16:23] you know,

[16:23] it was about a month's worth of work

[16:25] that went into it,

[16:26] so.

Stuart Wellington

[16:26] I think Crash winning Best Picture

[16:28] was the best received.

[16:30] That was the highlight,

[16:31] yeah.

[16:33] Oh,

[16:34] jeez.

[16:34] Ooh.

[16:35] If only you'd made like a,

[16:37] I don't know,

[16:37] like a gay racism montage instead.

[16:39] Yeah.

[16:40] People appearing,

[16:41] people.

[16:42] So much gay racism,

[16:43] people.

[16:43] A tribute to,

Dan McCoy

[16:45] tearing the world apart.

Elliott Kalan

[16:45] A tribute to Hollywood racism.

Dan McCoy

[16:49] Old Hollywood racism.

[16:51] And it's got,

[16:51] uh,

[16:52] Mickey Rooney

[16:52] and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

[16:54] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[16:54] and just characters

[16:55] from In the Heat of the Night

[16:56] and,

[16:56] uh,

[16:57] Don't they burn in hell?

Dan McCoy

[17:01] So you're going different ways with it.

[17:02] You guys are talking about,

[17:03] like,

[17:03] movies about racism.

[17:05] Oh,

[17:05] I'm talking,

[17:05] oh no.

[17:06] Racist depictions.

[17:06] Oh yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[17:07] well,

[17:07] you know,

[17:07] oh,

[17:08] well,

[17:08] what's it,

[17:08] uh,

[17:09] Step and Fetch It

[17:09] and people like that,

[17:10] you could say?

[17:11] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] exactly.

[17:11] The Crows and Dumbo

[17:12] are not necessarily racist.

[17:13] All right,

[17:13] well,

[17:13] heckle and jackle then.

[17:14] Jar Jar Binks is racist.

[17:17] He's incompetent.

[17:18] The Crows are maybe

[17:19] the smartest characters

[17:20] in that entire film.

Dan McCoy

[17:21] You know,

[17:21] I think,

[17:21] I always,

[17:22] like,

[17:23] thought was more racist

[17:24] than Jar Jar Binks,

[17:25] though.

[17:25] Like,

[17:25] Jar Jar Binks.

[17:26] The Trade Federation guys?

[17:26] Yeah,

[17:27] the Trade Federation guys,

[17:28] like the Asian Trade Federation guys.

[17:30] Oh,

Dan McCoy

[17:30] I understand it.

[17:31] Well,

[17:31] and you know,

[17:31] the slaveholder as well.

Elliott Kalan

[17:34] Oh yeah,

[17:34] the,

[17:34] uh,

[17:35] the vaguely Middle Eastern

[17:36] Jewish slaveholder.

[17:37] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[17:37] yeah,

[17:37] like the guy who owns the,

[17:38] uh,

[17:39] Hey,

Elliott Kalan

[17:39] what are you doing?

[17:40] You want I should give you

[17:41] any again?

[17:43] This I can take

[17:44] or I can leave.

[17:46] Baruch atah adonai

[17:48] Elohim melech haolam.

[17:50] Shalom.

[17:51] All right.

[17:52] Next year in Jerusalem,

[17:53] Tween.

[17:54] Be quieter with your Judaism.

[17:56] We're peaking.

[17:56] Sorry,

[17:57] I'm peaking too.

[17:57] I'll move my microphone

[17:58] farther away.

[17:59] Uh,

[17:59] I'm just so loudly Jewish.

[18:01] I can't help it.

[18:02] But,

[18:02] but it seems like the,

[18:03] I mean,

[18:04] the Oscar montage of this year,

[18:05] I don't know that they were

[18:06] that much harder to put together

[18:08] because I'm sure they just use

[18:09] screeners sent out from the studio.

Dan McCoy

[18:11] I don't even think that they like

[18:12] electronic press kits.

[18:14] They just like.

[18:14] Oh yeah,

[18:15] that's true.

[18:15] They just strung together

Elliott Kalan

[18:16] a bunch of press kits.

[18:16] EPK as we call them.

[18:18] And then there was that,

[18:18] that one at the end where it was like,

[18:20] here's the reader

[18:21] and now here's the graduate

[18:22] and here's another movie

[18:24] about an older girl

[18:25] and a,

[18:25] and a young guy

[18:26] and here's some Holocaust movies.

[18:27] Like the idea that like,

[18:29] movies remind us of other movies.

[18:31] So let's show you some.

Stuart Wellington

[18:32] I mean,

[18:33] not,

[18:33] not to defend the reader

[18:34] unnecessarily like,

[18:35] I think.

[18:36] Stuart loves the reader.

[18:37] Every single thing

[18:38] they showed about it,

[18:39] like highlighted the elements

[18:40] of the movie that I felt

[18:41] were the least interesting.

[18:43] Like the Holocaust angle

[18:44] and the older woman

[18:46] with the younger man.

[18:46] I felt those two things

[18:47] were like easily

[18:48] the least interesting elements

[18:50] of the reader.

[18:51] And yet.

[18:51] But those are the most,

Elliott Kalan

[18:52] the most easily explainable

[18:54] and graspable

[18:55] and describable.

[18:56] Yeah,

[18:56] that's true.

[18:57] I mean,

[18:57] the fact also that

[18:58] every movie seems to be

[18:59] being sold right now

[19:00] as a thriller.

[19:01] The reader's being described

[19:02] as a thriller.

[19:03] It's not.

[19:03] Benjamin Button's being,

[19:04] being made to look like

[19:06] a thriller

[19:06] in his commercials.

Stuart Wellington

[19:07] Is he getting older

[19:08] or younger?

[19:09] You'll never know

[19:10] until the end.

[19:10] Well,

[19:10] that was the funny thing.

[19:12] We're like,

[19:12] Who's that baby?

[19:13] Is it Benjamin Buttons?

[19:14] Will Smith comes out

Dan McCoy

[19:17] and he does this whole long speech

[19:19] about action films

[19:20] because he's introducing

[19:21] the Visual Effects Awards.

[19:24] And then there's only

[19:26] three things nominated

[19:27] and one of them is

[19:28] The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

[19:30] An action film.

Elliott Kalan

[19:31] Yeah.

[19:32] Not an inaction film.

Stuart Wellington

[19:34] There's so much action in it.

[19:35] He gets older.

Elliott Kalan

[19:37] There are times watching

[19:38] Benjamin Button

[19:41] where it feels like

[19:41] a Tarkovsky movie

[19:42] or like a Matthew Barney

[19:44] movie.

[19:45] Like,

[19:45] just like things

[19:46] moving slowly.

[19:47] At least Matthew Barney

[19:47] has that horse race

[19:49] in Craymaster 3

[19:50] with the dead horses running.

[19:52] Whatever.

[19:53] You guys are...

[19:53] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[19:53] we've watched the entire

[19:54] Craymaster cycle.

Elliott Kalan

[19:56] Those are...

[19:56] You guys obviously

[19:58] weren't with me

[19:59] and my friend Brock

[20:00] the day we went

[20:01] to the Guggenheim

[20:01] and watched all the

[20:02] Craymaster movies

[20:03] in a row.

[20:04] It was great.

[20:04] How long was that?

[20:05] It was about

Dan McCoy

[20:05] seven to nine hours,

[20:06] I think.

[20:07] Oh,

[20:07] it's way more than seven.

[20:08] It's about nine hours,

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] I think.

[20:09] Anyway,

[20:09] you guys don't want

[20:10] to come with me

[20:10] when the Film Forum

[20:11] runs the Human Condition

[20:12] trilogy again

[20:13] all in one day?

Dan McCoy

[20:14] I rolled my eyes.

[20:14] About ten hours of film?

[20:15] I rolled my eyes,

[20:16] but then I remember

[20:16] that Stewart wins

[20:17] all of the Lord of the Ring

[20:19] movies back to back

[20:20] in their extended cut.

[20:21] In the theater,

[20:22] yeah,

[20:22] it was pretty good.

[20:23] I'd do it again,

[20:24] too.

Elliott Kalan

[20:25] But,

[20:25] okay,

[20:25] I guess,

[20:27] I heard a lot of

[20:28] complaints at work

[20:28] today about the Oscars

[20:29] that it was,

[20:30] like,

[20:30] too cheesy,

[20:31] which I feel is not...

[20:32] like,

[20:33] these actors think

[20:35] they're so important.

[20:36] They talk about this

[20:36] as if it matters,

[20:37] and it's like,

[20:38] well,

[20:38] it's an award show

[20:39] for movies.

[20:40] Like,

[20:40] you might as well

[20:40] talk about it

[20:41] as if it matters.

Stuart Wellington

[20:41] I mean,

[20:41] it was a very

[20:42] actor-focused Oscars,

[20:45] the way they had to,

[20:46] like,

[20:46] celebrate every performance,

[20:48] I think.

Elliott Kalan

[20:49] But it's,

[20:49] I mean,

[20:49] like,

[20:50] I like a certain amount

[20:51] of Hollywood glamour.

[20:53] Like,

[20:53] I wouldn't have liked it

[20:54] if it was a super

[20:55] stripped-down Oscars

[20:56] where they just gave out

[20:57] awards and didn't do anything.

[20:58] I feel like it was a

[20:59] mixed bag this year

[21:00] for that reason.

Stuart Wellington

[21:00] Yeah,

[21:01] I mean,

[21:01] if you don't like

[21:01] watching actors

[21:02] celebrating themselves,

[21:03] well,

[21:04] don't watch the fucking Oscars

Dan McCoy

[21:05] well.

[21:05] Well,

[21:05] yeah,

[21:05] exactly.

[21:06] Well,

[21:06] that said,

[21:07] I did like that

[21:08] they seemed to be

[21:09] making a stab

[21:10] at,

[21:10] you know,

[21:11] honoring writing

[21:12] a little bit more.

Elliott Kalan

[21:13] For a moment,

[21:14] I imagined the Cryptkeeper

[21:15] co-hosting this podcast.

[21:17] They did make a stab

[21:19] at honoring biting.

Dan McCoy

[21:23] A little gore.

[21:25] We're going to do that someday.

[21:26] We're going to,

[21:26] just in character,

[21:28] one of us is going to be

[21:28] the Cryptkeeper

[21:29] for an entire episode.

[21:31] That'd be awesome.

[21:32] I'll stay out of that.

[21:34] I don't know if I was

[21:35] calling Cryptkeeper

Elliott Kalan

[21:35] to be that fun.

[21:36] When Stuart's away,

[21:37] we'll do me and you,

[21:39] Dan,

[21:39] and the Cryptkeeper

[21:40] hosting an episode.

Dan McCoy

[21:42] But no,

[21:42] I thought that the

[21:44] Tina Fey,

[21:45] Steve Martin thing

[21:46] where they actually showed

[21:47] the script pages

[21:48] was kind of nice.

Elliott Kalan

[21:49] The only problem

[21:49] with that,

[21:50] though,

[21:51] it was a good idea,

[21:52] was that the clips

[21:52] they showed

[21:53] in at least two of them,

[21:54] the actors were not

[21:55] on book.

[21:56] They were changing

[21:57] the wordings of the script

[21:58] as it was shown on screen.

[22:00] Right.

[22:00] So it was like,

[22:01] without the script,

[22:02] we could never make a movie.

[22:04] The script is everything.

[22:06] Now watch some actors

[22:07] have their way

[22:08] with the script

[22:09] and change the word.

[22:10] Like,

[22:10] before we can say

[22:12] that's all you got,

[22:14] a writer has to sit down

[22:15] and write,

[22:16] is this the amount

[22:17] that you have

[22:17] and only this?

[22:18] You know,

[22:19] like it's,

[22:19] without a baseline

[22:21] to work off of.

Dan McCoy

[22:22] We can assume

[22:23] that in a lot

[22:23] of those cases,

[22:24] the writer was on set

[22:26] rewriting.

[22:26] No,

Elliott Kalan

[22:26] I would just say,

[22:27] do the work

[22:29] of picking an example

[22:30] where the words

[22:30] on screen

[22:31] match what's being said.

Dan McCoy

[22:32] Right.

[22:33] But in theory,

[22:34] it was nice.

[22:35] It was a nice idea.

[22:36] That's true.

[22:36] They're showing

[22:37] that these movies

[22:38] don't just appear

[22:39] out of nowhere,

[22:40] that someone actually

[22:41] wrote them,

[22:42] you know,

[22:42] and writers,

[22:43] by all accounts,

[22:44] get almost no respect.

[22:46] And they never have.

Elliott Kalan

[22:47] They never have

[22:48] gotten any respect.

[22:49] What,

[22:49] right?

[22:50] That's contrarian,

[22:51] Stewart.

[22:52] But I mean,

[22:53] that's the,

[22:54] it was a nice idea

[22:55] that they said like,

[22:56] writing is important,

[22:57] you know,

[22:57] as opposed to,

[22:58] maybe that was

[22:59] in the guild settlement.

[23:00] Like,

[23:00] you guys don't get

[23:01] any new media shares,

[23:02] but we will say

[23:03] writing is important

[23:03] at the Oscars.

[23:04] I thought that was

[23:05] a neat idea,

[23:05] showing,

[23:06] like,

[23:06] reading out the

[23:07] descriptions.

[23:08] I just wish it was,

[23:09] it matched what was on screen.

Stuart Wellington

[23:11] I liked all the music.

Elliott Kalan

[23:12] Did you?

[23:13] Even when it was playing

[23:14] when people were talking?

[23:15] Yeah.

[23:16] Yeah,

[23:16] I was gonna,

Dan McCoy

[23:17] I was gonna say,

[23:17] I actually did like

[23:19] the smaller jazz combo,

[23:23] but it was very strange

[23:25] when it was Sarah Jessica Parker

[23:27] and Daniel Craig.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] Without makeup,

[23:29] we wouldn't have

[23:30] dun,

[23:31] dun,

[23:32] dun,

[23:32] dun, dun, dun, dun.

Dan McCoy

[23:32] It was like a really,

[23:33] really fast jazz tune

[23:35] in the background.

[23:35] It just seems like

[23:36] someone left the radio on.

Elliott Kalan

[23:38] I thought,

[23:38] though,

[23:38] Sarah Jessica Parker

[23:39] and Daniel Craig,

[23:40] someone matched those two up

[23:41] in a film.

[23:42] Chemistry.

Dan McCoy

[23:44] Sex and the City 3.

Elliott Kalan

[23:45] Bond in the City,

[23:46] I like it.

[23:47] Sex and the James Bond,

[23:49] done.

[23:49] If Jon Hamm

[23:50] and Tina Fey

[23:50] can appear on screen together,

[23:52] then Daniel Craig

[23:52] and then Sarah Jessica Parker.

Stuart Wellington

[23:55] That's all I said.

[23:56] I will,

Elliott Kalan

[23:57] there's that.

[23:58] That's my Sarah Jessica Parker.

Stuart Wellington

[24:01] Oh my God,

[24:02] I thought she was in the room.

Elliott Kalan

[24:02] She sounds like a barn owl.

[24:04] I would have just re-winnied.

[24:06] Ouch,

[24:07] wow,

[24:07] I'm not making fun of her appearance.

[24:09] Yikes.

Stuart Wellington

[24:10] Oh,

[24:10] shh,

[24:10] wow.

[24:11] I was just going to say

[24:11] that Matthew Broderick

[24:12] looks really old.

[24:15] That's terrible.

[24:16] I'd really like to see

[24:17] a remake of Ferris Bueller's Day Off

[24:20] with old Matthew Broderick.

[24:22] Why would they do that?

Elliott Kalan

[24:23] Playing what,

[24:24] the principal?

Stuart Wellington

[24:25] No,

[24:25] playing Ferris Bueller.

[24:26] Why would you do that?

[24:27] It doesn't make any sense,

[24:29] though.

[24:30] It's funny,

[24:31] everybody treats him

[24:32] like he's a little

[24:32] like a teenager.

[24:33] I mean,

[24:34] I guarantee you.

Dan McCoy

[24:34] I'm imagining the end

[24:36] where he's running

[24:36] through all those yards.

[24:38] I'm so tired.

[24:40] Can't leap over these hedges

Elliott Kalan

[24:41] the way I used to.

[24:42] I mean,

[24:42] I imagine

[24:43] Zac Efron will be in

[24:44] Ferris Bueller's Day Off,

[24:45] the remake,

[24:46] pretty soon.

Dan McCoy

[24:47] Sure were a lot of kids

[24:49] at the Oscars this year.

[24:51] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[24:51] people get younger.

[24:52] Jack Nicholson can't be there

[24:53] all the time.

[24:54] Ted Kennedy's in the hospital,

[24:56] right?

[24:57] Oscars mainstay Ted Kennedy.

Stuart Wellington

[25:00] And Roy Scheider died,

[25:02] so he couldn't be in the Oscars.

Elliott Kalan

[25:03] I mean,

[25:04] you either had kids

Dan McCoy

[25:06] or you had...

[25:06] Oh man,

[25:07] every year,

[25:08] I'm trying to Roy Scheider.

Elliott Kalan

[25:10] You either had kids

[25:11] or you had

[25:11] Sophia Loren

[25:12] rising her dusty bones

[25:14] from the grave

[25:15] to appear on stage

[25:17] in some sort of

[25:18] Miss Havisham wedding dress.

Dan McCoy

[25:19] She's taking some shots

[25:20] off and fighting

[25:21] the fucking Thundercats.

[25:23] She's gonna die next week

[25:24] and you're gonna feel so bad.

[25:25] I will feel so...

Elliott Kalan

[25:26] I have always had

[25:27] such a crush on her

[25:28] and like,

[25:29] if you see the movie

[25:29] The Millionaire-esque,

[25:30] she is so hot in that

[25:31] and it just makes me wish

[25:33] I was around in the 60s

[25:34] to masturbate to her

[25:36] when she was young.

[25:37] Yeah.

[25:38] You know.

Dan McCoy

[25:38] I'm glad that you went there.

Elliott Kalan

[25:40] Listen,

[25:40] I'm not gonna pull punches,

[25:41] but it goes to Sophia Loren.

Dan McCoy

[25:43] No, no, no.

[25:44] I'm just glad

[25:44] that you were honest

[25:45] about your fantasy.

[25:46] You were like fantasizing

[25:48] about being alive back then.

[25:49] But you were fantasizing

[25:50] about masturbating.

[25:51] Well, let's...

[25:52] Not that you met her.

[25:53] I know I don't have a chance

Elliott Kalan

[25:53] with Sophia Loren.

[25:54] Exactly.

[25:55] Come on.

[25:55] There you go.

[25:55] Peter Sellers didn't have

[25:56] a chance with her.

[25:57] I certainly don't.

[25:58] I mean, you know,

[25:59] I'm the first one

[26:00] to acknowledge

[26:00] the beauties of Oscar past.

[26:02] But I will also make fun

[26:03] of them when they get older.

[26:05] Eva Marie Saint has aged also,

[26:07] but she has aged

[26:07] in a classy way.

[26:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:09] Like Meryl Streep, kind of.

Elliott Kalan

[26:10] Well, Meryl Streep

[26:11] is not anywhere near

[26:12] as old as Sophia Loren

[26:13] or Eva Marie Saint.

[26:15] I mean, she's older than us.

Stuart Wellington

[26:16] She's like 60, isn't she?

Elliott Kalan

[26:17] No, she's aging well

[26:19] into, you know,

[26:21] and she's finding the roles

[26:22] that Meryl Streep

[26:23] can find at that age,

[26:24] you know?

[26:25] She's a...

Dan McCoy

[26:25] Didn't you bring her

[26:26] like daughter or something?

[26:27] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[26:27] A lot of people

[26:28] brought their kids

[26:28] it looked like.

[26:29] And Anne Hathaway

[26:30] brought her dad.

Dan McCoy

[26:30] Your best friend Anne Hathaway.

[26:31] My best friend Anne Hathaway.

[26:33] We're not going to make fun

[26:33] of the way people's daughters

[26:35] look, right?

Elliott Kalan

[26:35] I mean, we shouldn't.

[26:36] Okay.

[26:38] We get...

Dan McCoy

[26:38] Wait, were you going to make fun

[26:39] of the way Meryl Streep's

[26:40] daughter looked?

[26:41] No.

[26:41] I thought she looked cute.

[26:43] No, she looked okay.

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] Anywho,

[26:46] should we talk about

[26:47] the awards

[26:48] or should we keep

[26:48] talking about...

Stuart Wellington

[26:49] Wait, if you were

[26:50] going to the Oscars,

[26:51] would you bring

[26:51] your dad or your daughter?

Elliott Kalan

[26:53] I'd bring my girlfriend.

[26:55] Oh, really?

Stuart Wellington

[26:56] I'd probably bring my wife.

Dan McCoy

[26:58] I'd bring my dad.

Elliott Kalan

[27:00] I would love to...

[27:01] I owe it to the guy.

[27:02] I don't know your dad,

[27:03] but I imagine the two

[27:03] you just carousing

[27:04] around the Oscars.

[27:06] Big mustaches.

[27:07] Beer in your hand.

Stuart Wellington

[27:08] He would spend

[27:09] the whole time

[27:09] very upset

[27:11] that he's out of the house.

[27:13] He would be upset

[27:13] that it's crowded.

[27:16] Any waiting in line

[27:17] that he would have to do.

Dan McCoy

[27:18] Oh, that sounds like

[27:19] me at the Oscars.

[27:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:20] Sounds like me everywhere.

Dan McCoy

[27:23] So, let's actually

[27:24] talk about

[27:24] who won things.

[27:25] I think if I went

Stuart Wellington

[27:26] to the Oscars,

[27:27] I think some people

[27:28] might mistake me

[27:29] for Seth Rogen.

[27:30] That's why I have

[27:30] this mustache.

Elliott Kalan

[27:32] Right.

[27:32] They'd mistake you

[27:32] for the Rogan Brolin clone

[27:34] that broke out

[27:35] of the lab somehow.

Stuart Wellington

[27:37] Let's get to the Oscars

[27:39] to kill.

Elliott Kalan

[27:39] Rogue Brolin's

[27:41] broken loose.

Dan McCoy

[27:42] The humor of Brolin.

[27:42] The shot caller's

Elliott Kalan

[27:43] not working.

[27:44] The acting chops

[27:45] of Brolin.

[27:45] Finally.

[27:46] That was one,

[27:47] and maybe

[27:48] going into the awards,

[27:49] One of the sad

[27:50] things for me was

[27:50] I thought Heath Ledger

[27:51] deserved Best Supporting

[27:53] Actor so much,

[27:53] but I wish that

[27:54] they could have

[27:55] given one to

[27:55] Josh Brolin also.

[27:57] He got the Golden Glove.

Stuart Wellington

[27:59] That's worth the hat.

Elliott Kalan

[28:00] Oh, he got the Golden Glove.

[28:02] Because I thought

[28:03] he was so good in Milk.

[28:04] We talked about that

[28:05] before, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[28:05] He's got plenty of years

[28:06] to make good.

[28:06] That's true.

[28:08] Heath Ledger got

[28:08] the Golden Glove too.

Elliott Kalan

[28:10] No, Josh Brolin did.

Stuart Wellington

[28:11] Really?

[28:12] Yeah.

[28:12] Keith Ledger got nothing.

Elliott Kalan

[28:14] Keith Ledger got nothing

[28:15] last night too.

Stuart Wellington

[28:17] His performance

[28:18] is the jokester.

Elliott Kalan

[28:20] His performance

[28:21] as the jester.

[28:23] That was the number

[28:23] of times that they said

[28:24] Joker in the ceremony.

[28:26] I thought it was funny.

[28:27] Movies can show you

[28:28] an old man

[28:28] going young again

[28:29] or some crazy Joker

[28:30] bringing chaos to...

[28:32] That's my Will Smith

[28:32] for some reason.

[28:34] Sounds like

[28:34] the Pepperidge Farm guy.

[28:36] Just hearing them say

[28:37] Joker in Gotham City.

Dan McCoy

[28:39] Jokers running amok

[28:40] in Gotham City again.

Elliott Kalan

[28:41] It's sad a little bit

[28:43] to me

[28:43] how much of a thrill

[28:45] I still get from...

[28:46] Even though a movie

[28:47] like Dark Knight

[28:47] doesn't get nominated

[28:48] for anything,

[28:49] they cannot ignore it

[28:50] at the Oscars.

[28:51] They still have to mention it.

[28:52] At the end of Hugh Jackman's

[28:53] song when he yells,

[28:54] I'm Wolverine!

[28:55] I thought that was very funny.

Stuart Wellington

[28:57] It was good.

[28:57] I was really disappointed

[28:58] that Will Smith

[28:59] was the one

[29:00] who had the presentation

[29:01] about action movies

[29:02] and not my favorite

[29:03] current action movie star,

[29:04] Nicolas Cage.

Elliott Kalan

[29:06] Maybe his hair

[29:08] didn't pass muster.

Stuart Wellington

[29:09] And he got a best actor.

Elliott Kalan

[29:12] Yeah, for leaving Las Vegas.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] How come he wasn't

[29:14] in that group of guys?

Elliott Kalan

[29:15] Maybe he wasn't available.

[29:16] There are literally

[29:18] dozens of best actor winners.

[29:20] There are only five

[29:20] on stage.

[29:21] There's a couple

Stuart Wellington

[29:21] really crazy guys

[29:22] up there too.

[29:23] Anthony Hopkins

[29:24] seemed crazy.

[29:24] He is crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[29:25] Well, that's what I loved

[29:26] is when they say

[29:28] to Frank Langella,

[29:29] your portrayal of Richard Nixon

[29:31] blew every other one away.

[29:32] And Anthony Hopkins

[29:33] is right there on stage.

[29:35] I wish they had cut

[29:36] to Anthony Hopkins

[29:37] like rolling his eyes

[29:38] or something.

[29:39] And then to

[29:40] Philip Baker Hall

[29:41] at home rolling his eyes.

[29:42] Yeah.

[29:43] They have a camera set up.

[29:45] Well, you saw

[29:45] Secret Honor.

[29:46] He's got cameras everywhere.

Dan McCoy

[29:47] There's a nanny cam

[29:48] at Philip Baker

Elliott Kalan

[29:49] and then what?

[29:51] There he is.

Dan McCoy

[29:53] He's not even watching

[29:54] the Oscars.

Elliott Kalan

[29:55] And then what's the name

[29:55] of the guy who played?

Dan McCoy

[29:56] He's watching that show.

[29:57] What was the show

[29:58] that you guys were watching

[29:59] during the commercial break?

Elliott Kalan

[29:59] 100 Most Outrageous

[30:01] Home Video Moments.

[30:02] That was the best.

[30:03] All we saw was

[30:04] wedding cakes falling over

[30:05] one after the other

[30:06] and then the voiceover narrator

[30:08] goes,

[30:09] here's our favorite

[30:10] cake-based mishap.

[30:12] It's like,

[30:12] why do you have to have

[30:13] a favorite in that category

[30:15] of cake-based mishaps?

Dan McCoy

[30:17] I imagine him sitting at home

[30:19] the kitchen table

[30:20] writing out a list.

[30:21] Like, oh no,

[30:22] that's number three.

[30:23] That was either NBC

Elliott Kalan

[30:24] or CBS.

[30:24] It was one of the other

[30:25] networks had that

[30:26] and I love,

[30:27] they're like,

[30:27] oh, the Oscars are on.

[30:28] There's only one thing

[30:29] that can top it.

[30:30] Outrageous Home Videos 2.

Dan McCoy

[30:32] you would recommend

[30:33] seeking that show out

[30:35] if they rebroadcast it.

Elliott Kalan

[30:36] I would love that show.

[30:38] The thing is,

Stuart Wellington

[30:39] those crazy home video shows,

[30:41] I've noticed them

[30:41] a lot more often lately.

[30:43] Well, they're cheap to make.

[30:45] The thing is,

[30:45] I would have thought

Elliott Kalan

[30:46] YouTube would have

Dan McCoy

[30:48] completely invalidated.

Stuart Wellington

[30:49] No, no.

[30:50] If you want to see

[30:51] a waggy home video,

[30:52] just fucking dial up

[30:53] to the webernet.

Elliott Kalan

[30:54] I'll tell you what,

[30:55] YouTube,

Stuart Wellington

[30:55] I'll tell you what,

[30:57] I'll tell you what YouTube

Elliott Kalan

[30:59] doesn't have.

[30:59] One, you've got to find them

[31:00] and two,

[31:01] it doesn't have,

[31:02] boom,

[31:03] oh, that wasn't

[31:04] what I meant to do.

[31:05] You know, like,

[31:05] the sound effects

[31:06] and the crappy

[31:06] cartoon voice.

[31:08] That was my favorite thing

[31:09] as a kid,

[31:09] watching America's Funniest Home Videos

[31:11] and be like,

Stuart Wellington

[31:11] oh, I hope I don't

[31:12] fall off this chair.

[31:14] Boom.

Elliott Kalan

[31:15] I felled off the chair.

[31:17] I hope I don't get hit

[31:17] in the nuts.

[31:19] Oh, my nuts are so tender,

[31:20] I hope I don't get hit in them.

[31:21] Oh!

Dan McCoy

[31:23] That makes it more interactive.

[31:24] What you do is you go out

[31:25] and you buy,

[31:26] from a morning show,

[31:28] a radio morning show,

[31:29] a used sound effects machine.

[31:30] Oh, okay.

[31:30] And you sit at home

[31:31] and add to your sound effects.

[31:32] You get your

Elliott Kalan

[31:33] Hanna-Barbera

[31:33] sound effects CDs.

[31:34] Oh, is that finally out on DVD?

[31:42] Good.

[31:42] It is.

[31:43] Blu-ray, actually.

[31:44] Blu-ray.

[31:45] So you can see all the dirt

[31:46] on the cells

[31:47] when they came from Korea

[31:48] and didn't get cleaned off.

Dan McCoy

[31:49] Is that different

[31:50] from the Animal Olympics?

[31:51] Come on.

[31:52] Come on, man.

Elliott Kalan

[31:54] You might as well

[31:54] get mixed up with

[31:55] wacky racers.

[31:57] Anyway,

[31:57] if we can be serious

[31:59] for a moment,

[32:00] someone ruined that.

[32:01] Did we talk about

Dan McCoy

[32:01] any winners or winners?

Elliott Kalan

[32:02] Well, we talked...

[32:03] Or are they all winners?

Dan McCoy

[32:04] Well, here's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[32:04] No, many of them

[32:05] are losers.

Dan McCoy

[32:06] I don't...

[32:06] I haven't cared less

[32:08] about who wins the Oscars

[32:10] in many a year.

Elliott Kalan

[32:11] This is the first time...

[32:12] I cared about some of them,

[32:13] but many of them

[32:14] I just wanted certain ones

[32:15] not to win out of spite.

Dan McCoy

[32:16] Right.

[32:17] But even there...

[32:18] Like a WALL-E movie.

Elliott Kalan

[32:19] No, well, WALL-E,

Dan McCoy

[32:20] you know...

[32:20] But even there,

[32:21] it's not like

[32:21] when Crash won

[32:23] and I was furious.

[32:25] Here, like,

[32:25] Slumdog Millionaire won.

[32:29] Here, Slumdog Millionaire won

[32:31] and I'm just sort of like,

[32:32] well,

[32:32] I wouldn't have gone

[32:33] down that way.

Elliott Kalan

[32:34] It was not...

[32:35] Because it was an

[32:36] inoffensive choice.

[32:36] It was not like

[32:37] A Beautiful Mind

[32:38] or Crash or,

[32:40] you know,

[32:41] what else recently?

[32:42] Gladiator, you know?

[32:43] Chicago.

[32:44] Chicago,

[32:44] where there's no way

[32:45] you can argue

[32:46] that that was the best movie.

[32:47] Like, Slumdog Millionaire,

[32:48] a lot of people liked it.

[32:48] It wasn't bad.

[32:49] It was, you know,

[32:50] it had things going for it.

[32:52] Was it the best movie

[32:52] of the year?

[32:53] No.

[32:53] But it was not...

[32:54] Like, the reader didn't win.

[32:55] Sorry, Stuart,

[32:56] which would have made me mad.

[32:57] Benjamin Button didn't win,

[32:58] which would have made me mad.

Stuart Wellington

[32:59] Well, yeah,

[32:59] the reader's not going to win

[33:00] because it wasn't the best picture.

[33:01] Clearly, we'll admit

[33:02] that I think

[33:03] Slumdog Millionaire

[33:04] is better put together,

[33:06] but there isn't enough

[33:07] about Slumdog Millionaire

[33:08] that I really like.

[33:10] No.

[33:10] Well, me either.

[33:11] I wouldn't call it that either.

[33:13] That's a nice package.

[33:14] Like, that's well put together.

[33:16] But, like,

[33:16] the reader,

[33:17] there's bits of it

[33:17] that I like a lot,

[33:18] but then a lot of it

[33:19] that was like,

[33:20] eh, whatever.

[33:21] Or,

[33:21] that was stupid.

Elliott Kalan

[33:22] But, like,

[33:23] yeah,

[33:23] it was not a year of passion

[33:25] for the Oscars.

Dan McCoy

[33:27] Yeah, I mean,

[33:27] I really would have liked

[33:28] to see Milk win.

[33:29] That sort of, like,

[33:30] was just out of my top five.

Elliott Kalan

[33:33] But I thought,

[33:33] but Sean Penn winning

[33:34] for Best Actor for Milk

[33:36] was great.

[33:37] Sure.

[33:37] I thought,

[33:38] I would have been,

[33:39] that was not your choice,

[33:40] but I would have been disappointed

[33:41] if anyone else had won that.

[33:42] Do you want Frank Langella?

[33:43] I like Frank Langella.

[33:44] But, like,

[33:45] if Mickey Rourke had won that,

[33:46] I read,

[33:47] I was reading somewhere online,

[33:48] they're saying, like,

[33:49] Sean Penn made himself

[33:51] into a character.

[33:52] Like, in what,

[33:52] people were saying at work

[33:53] was like,

[33:54] I didn't realize

[33:54] how good a job he did in Milk

[33:55] until he started talking

[33:56] at the Oscars

[33:57] and I realized

[33:57] how much I hate him

[33:58] and how likable he was in Milk.

[34:00] Like, he made himself

[34:01] into this upbeat,

[34:03] likable person,

[34:03] whereas Mickey Rourke

[34:04] and the wrestler

[34:05] got a lot of notes

[34:05] for not really doing anything

[34:07] that different from...

[34:09] Being himself.

[34:10] Yeah.

[34:10] It's not that,

[34:11] not that different

[34:12] than, like,

[34:12] Jean-Claude Van Damme

[34:13] in JCVD.

[34:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:16] Yeah, I haven't seen it

[34:17] so I can't judge,

[34:18] but I was rooting for him

[34:19] just because I wanted to see

[34:20] the awards speech.

[34:22] that Mickey Rourke

[34:23] would have given.

[34:24] I think that would have

[34:24] really spiced up the ceremony.

[34:26] I think it would have

[34:27] been weird.

Stuart Wellington

[34:27] where she's, you know,

[34:28] before she interviews Mickey Rourke,

[34:30] they're going through, like,

[34:31] a list of his career

[34:32] and they're talking about,

[34:32] like, the high points

[34:33] and then when they start

[34:34] on the downward slide,

[34:36] they're like,

[34:37] and Wild Orchid

[34:39] and Nine and a Half Weeks

[34:41] and with Angel Heart.

[34:44] Like, okay, fine,

[34:46] but Angel Heart,

[34:46] it wasn't like,

[34:47] it's not that bad.

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] Uh-huh.

[34:49] And none of those movies are,

[34:50] none of them are great,

[34:51] but they're not,

[34:52] like, a downward slide

[34:53] as if he was doing,

[34:54] if he was like...

Dan McCoy

[34:55] No, he's on fucking,

[34:55] like, that, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[34:57] Well, it's not like

[34:57] he's Tom Sizemore

[34:58] doing internet pornography,

[35:00] you know.

Dan McCoy

[35:00] But then again,

[35:01] he did make Harley Davidson

[35:02] and the Marlboro Man.

Stuart Wellington

[35:03] But it's like,

Elliott Kalan

[35:08] I didn't like the idea,

[35:09] this comeback idea of,

[35:11] like, oh,

[35:11] it's the comeback kid,

[35:12] like, oh, finally,

[35:14] he's rising from the ashes,

[35:15] Mickey Rourke.

[35:16] Like, there are better actors

[35:17] that have failed worse

[35:18] and there have been

[35:19] bigger comebacks

[35:20] and, you know,

[35:21] acting careers

[35:21] have ups and downs.

[35:22] That's what, like,

[35:23] Burt Reynolds' career

[35:24] has ups and downs.

Stuart Wellington

[35:24] I mean, like,

[35:25] his performance in Sin City

[35:27] was really good.

Elliott Kalan

[35:27] That was,

[35:28] if anything was his comeback,

[35:29] Sin City was his comeback.

[35:31] Yeah, because he was great in that.

[35:31] And it was his first major release

[35:33] in a long time, you know.

[35:34] But he,

[35:35] I didn't like when

[35:36] the five actors came out

[35:38] and they're like,

[35:39] Mickey,

[35:39] you've been up,

[35:40] you've been down.

[35:41] You know,

[35:41] whatever he said,

[35:42] like, you're back now.

[35:43] Like, it felt like,

[35:44] on, I was saying yesterday,

[35:45] it felt like Top Chef

[35:46] or something where they're like,

[35:49] Carla,

[35:49] don't you have the craft,

[35:51] but you didn't bring

[35:52] the taste on this one.

[35:53] Jeff,

[35:54] you're spreading yourself

[35:54] too thin.

[35:56] Three mediocre dishes,

[35:57] but no great dishes.

[35:58] Like, this weird,

[35:59] I think that would have been

Dan McCoy

[36:00] great, actually,

[36:00] if they all,

[36:01] but if they didn't,

[36:02] like they all came out

[36:03] and critiqued all of the...

Elliott Kalan

[36:04] And critiqued, like,

[36:05] their careers, though.

[36:06] Like, I don't like it.

[36:07] I don't need them to inject

[36:08] any more drama into

[36:10] an award ceremony

[36:11] for actors making

[36:12] dramatic films.

[36:13] Like...

Stuart Wellington

[36:13] Instead of giving out Oscars,

[36:15] they hand out roses

[36:16] to everyone who

[36:16] gives you the Oscar.

Dan McCoy

[36:18] Or here's Emeril's new book,

[36:19] Mickey Rourke.

[36:20] Now you can cook New Orleans.

Elliott Kalan

[36:22] But, like,

[36:22] film is such an,

[36:23] like,

[36:24] it's about...

[36:25] There's a cowboy hat.

[36:27] You know,

[36:27] the sex boss.

[36:31] Film is about

[36:32] constructing

[36:32] emotional experiences.

[36:34] So, like,

[36:35] the Oscars

[36:36] should be,

[36:37] they shouldn't be

[36:37] doing the same thing,

[36:39] I feel like.

[36:39] If there's a real

[36:40] emotional experience

[36:41] that comes out of it,

[36:42] then that's great.

[36:43] But, you know,

[36:43] you shouldn't be

[36:44] pushing it that hard.

Dan McCoy

[36:45] Well, there's, like,

[36:46] this whole story...

[36:47] Whoever wins

Elliott Kalan

[36:48] is the best,

[36:50] but you also have

[36:51] the most story

[36:52] riding on you.

[36:53] Like, it's very

[36:53] American Idol-y feeling.

Dan McCoy

[36:54] Yeah.

[36:55] Well, also,

[36:55] there's this whole

[36:56] sort of story

[36:57] ahead of time

[36:57] that this year

[36:58] the Oscars

[36:59] would tell a story.

Elliott Kalan

[37:00] Yeah, well,

[37:00] they told the story

[37:01] of a movie being made.

Dan McCoy

[37:02] Yeah, I...

[37:03] Is that really what it was?

[37:03] Well, because they were like,

Elliott Kalan

[37:05] the writer writes down,

Dan McCoy

[37:06] then it's up to these people,

[37:07] now it's the post-production phase.

[37:09] Ah, I see.

[37:09] That's why...

[37:10] But there's one person

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] we didn't mention,

[37:12] the director.

[37:13] See...

Stuart Wellington

[37:13] These guys gotta keep

[37:14] all this crazy shit on?

Dan McCoy

[37:15] I wish it ended...

[37:16] You somehow got that,

[37:17] whereas I was like,

[37:18] there's no narrative to this.

Elliott Kalan

[37:20] I wish the Oscars

[37:21] ended with an egg

[37:23] cracking open

[37:23] and a movie

[37:24] coming out of it.

Stuart Wellington

[37:25] Like a film reel

[37:27] with, like,

[37:27] sexy legs?

Elliott Kalan

[37:28] Exactly, yes.

[37:29] A film reel

[37:30] with sexy legs

[37:31] coming out of an egg.

[37:33] It's the weirdest thing

[37:35] since...

[37:35] I don't know what.

[37:37] Somebody...

[37:37] Some Flophouse fan,

[37:38] please mock that up.

Stuart Wellington

[37:39] I don't have a sash

[37:40] that says 2009.

Elliott Kalan

[37:42] Movies 2009.

[37:44] But were there any awards

[37:45] that you guys

[37:45] were really pissed off about?

Stuart Wellington

[37:47] Uh, visual effects

[37:48] of Benjamin Button.

Elliott Kalan

[37:49] Yeah, that was lame.

Dan McCoy

[37:50] Yeah, I haven't seen

[37:51] Benjamin Button,

[37:52] but just what I have seen

[37:53] in clips,

[37:54] I was like,

[37:55] well, this looks like

[37:56] a weird CGI fest.

Elliott Kalan

[37:58] That's one of those things

[37:58] that makes me wonder

[37:59] if...

[38:00] When George Lucas

[38:01] and Steven Spielberg

[38:01] were talking about

[38:02] Kingdom of the Crystal Skull,

[38:03] they were like,

[38:04] it looks great!

[38:05] It looks real,

[38:05] just like we made it

[38:06] in the 80s,

[38:07] and I think that

[38:08] their eyes

[38:09] maybe aren't trained

[38:10] the same way

[38:11] to see CGI.

[38:13] Like, when people

[38:13] used to watch

[38:14] stop-motion animated films

[38:16] and they were like,

[38:17] it's so real!

[38:18] They found footage

[38:19] of real dinosaurs!

[38:20] You know,

[38:20] like,

[38:21] they couldn't quite see

[38:24] the fakeness of it

[38:25] the same way.

[38:26] I wonder if, like,

[38:27] older viewers,

[38:28] their eyes are not

[38:29] trained to see CGI

[38:31] the way that

[38:32] when I watch

[38:32] Blu-ray movies,

[38:33] they look a little weird

[38:34] to me because of

[38:35] the crispness

[38:36] of the image.

[38:38] Because of the crispness

[38:39] of the image,

[38:40] they look weird to me

[38:41] because I'm so used

[38:41] to watching videotape.

Stuart Wellington

[38:42] So you're blaming

[38:43] all the yes-men

[38:44] that surround

[38:45] George Lucas and Adam.

Elliott Kalan

[38:46] Well,

[38:46] I am blaming them.

[38:48] But I wonder

[38:48] if older effects people

[38:51] watch Benjamin Button

[38:52] and we're like,

[38:52] it's seamless!

[38:53] How did they do it?

[38:55] Whereas when we watch it,

[38:56] we're like,

[38:56] oh, CGI,

[38:57] put his face

[38:57] on someone else's body,

[38:59] fake vote,

[38:59] fake bullets,

[39:00] oh, now it's

[39:01] a fake building,

[39:02] camera flies through

[39:03] fake town.

[39:03] And this one,

[39:04] he's just standing

[39:05] on his knees.

[39:06] Green screen,

[39:07] blue screen,

[39:08] screen screen.

[39:09] Like a trench.

Stuart Wellington

[39:11] Dan, you brought this

[39:12] up in a number

[39:12] of conversations,

[39:13] but I think

[39:14] why I was rooting

[39:16] for Dark Knight,

[39:16] it's not just

[39:17] because Dark Knight

[39:17] is a movie

[39:18] of the Benjamin Button,

[39:19] but the visual effects,

[39:21] they made such an effort

[39:22] to do it all physically.

Dan McCoy

[39:24] Yeah.

[39:24] They flipped a fucking

[39:26] 18-wheeler.

Stuart Wellington

[39:27] That's so much

[39:28] to me as like,

[39:29] it's just our generation

[39:31] and the fact

[39:31] that we like it

[39:32] when something

[39:33] makes it.

[39:33] When things are real,

[39:34] when somebody

[39:34] makes a fucking

[39:35] effort to like,

[39:36] make a fucking

[39:37] cool puppet or something.

Elliott Kalan

[39:38] Yeah.

[39:39] Well, the same way

[39:40] that, you know,

[39:40] Like that Heath Ledger puppet.

[39:42] Oh, sad.

[39:44] The Heath Ledger,

[39:44] oh, I'm not even gonna say it,

[39:45] that's horrifying.

[39:47] The, and, um,

[39:48] I thought it was weird.

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] Heath Ledger's sister

[39:49] looked far too excited

[39:50] to be up at the podium

[39:51] on the Oscars

[39:52] celebrating her.

[39:54] Maybe.

[39:54] Well, I was,

Dan McCoy

[39:55] it was weird looking.

[39:56] I mean, you know,

[39:57] it was a touching moment,

[39:58] but on the other hand,

[39:59] all I could think of

[40:00] was like,

[40:00] I was mentally like

[40:01] merging the parents together.

[40:03] To make Heath Ledger.

[40:05] That's right.

[40:06] They look,

[40:06] they look like

[40:06] they could make

[40:07] Heath Ledger.

Elliott Kalan

[40:08] So you were,

[40:08] until that moment

[40:09] you were doubting

[40:10] they were actually

[40:10] the parents.

[40:11] Exactly.

[40:11] Speaking of parents,

[40:12] the best shot

[40:13] of the night

[40:13] was when Kate Winslet

[40:14] thanked her dad

[40:15] and they cut to her dad

[40:16] wearing this,

[40:17] like, black

[40:17] the shadow hat

[40:19] in the background

[40:20] and smiling like,

[40:21] you know,

[40:22] a villain in the,

[40:23] you know.

[40:23] It looks like

Stuart Wellington

[40:24] he'd just fucking

[40:24] come back from,

[40:25] like,

[40:25] solving the rule

[40:26] of a mummy's team

Elliott Kalan

[40:28] He dropped in on,

[40:30] he dropped,

[40:31] he parachuted

[40:31] into the stadium,

[40:32] to the arena

[40:34] or whatever,

[40:35] auditorium.

Dan McCoy

[40:36] He was lightning fast

[40:37] on that whistle too,

[40:38] which you could hear

[40:39] across the theater.

[40:40] Yeah, well,

Elliott Kalan

[40:40] you know,

[40:40] he probably herds sheep

[40:41] or something in New Zealand,

[40:43] so.

[40:43] He just does that.

[40:44] But it was so great,

[40:45] it was like this great moment

[40:46] of like,

[40:47] ah,

[40:47] Kate Winslet's dad

[40:48] is a character.

[40:49] That's great.

[40:50] I want to hang out

[40:51] with that guy.

[40:52] Like,

[40:52] Anne Hathaway's dad,

[40:53] I forget what

[40:53] the Hathaways do,

[40:55] but Anne Hathaway's dad

[40:55] looks like,

[40:56] you know,

[40:56] like a retired naval officer.

[40:56] Come on,

[40:57] your buddy Anne Hathaway?

[40:58] I am not that close.

[40:59] Your best friend.

[41:00] I mean,

[41:00] I'll ask my mom

[41:01] what her dad does

[41:02] for a living.

[41:02] Oh,

[41:03] the Hathaways,

[41:03] honey.

[41:04] And I thought

[41:04] Anne Hathaway

[41:05] was very good

Dan McCoy

[41:10] a musical

[41:11] that no one

[41:11] has written yet

[41:13] over the last several

[41:14] Well,

[41:15] maybe she'll be

[41:15] in the movie

[41:15] of Spring Awakening

[41:16] Because she was,

[41:17] like,

[41:18] she was singing this,

[41:18] she was singing all the time

[41:19] and when she was

[41:20] hosting Saturday Night Live.

[41:21] But that's fine

[41:22] because I like musicals,

[41:23] so I would actually like

[41:24] to say that.

Elliott Kalan

[41:24] I only have that musical number

[41:25] in Rachel Getting Buried.

[41:27] The sequel I've been pitching

[41:28] to Rachel Getting Married.

[41:30] It's a funeral movie.

[41:32] And also,

[41:33] Rachel getting buried alive.

[41:36] And the horror film

[41:37] is Rachel getting scaried.

Stuart Wellington

[41:39] Or the thriller

[41:40] would be Rachel getting harried.

Elliott Kalan

[41:42] Not a werewolf movie.

[41:44] Yeah,

[41:44] Rachel getting harried.

[41:46] Rachel getting tarried.

Dan McCoy

[41:49] You're listening

[41:50] to a MAD TV pitch meeting.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] A pitch meeting

[41:53] for a show

[41:53] that went off the air.

[41:55] You're listening

[41:56] to a late night

[41:57] with Conan O'Brien

[41:58] pitch meeting.

[41:58] Well,

Dan McCoy

[41:58] I think that probably

[42:00] the MAD TV writers

[42:02] get together still

[42:03] every week

[42:04] to pitch things.

[42:04] To pitch sketches.

Elliott Kalan

[42:05] All right,

[42:06] this character's annoying

[42:07] in this way.

[42:08] To stave off the pain.

Stuart Wellington

[42:09] How can we make this sketch

[42:11] a little more conservative,

[42:12] guys?

[42:13] So,

[42:13] the interesting thing

[42:16] about going with

[42:17] Anne Hathaway,

[42:17] though,

[42:17] is like,

[42:18] Amy Adams was like

[42:20] right there

[42:20] and she's done

[42:20] a lot of musical shit,

[42:21] right?

[42:22] I wonder if she was

[42:23] annoyed.

[42:23] Maybe she was like,

[42:25] man,

[42:25] I should have been up there

[42:26] with the sexiest man

[42:27] in the universe.

[42:28] What do you think?

Elliott Kalan

[42:29] I wish I was up there

[42:29] singing with the old

[42:30] knucklehead.

Stuart Wellington

[42:31] Logan himself.

[42:32] That's what he does.

Dan McCoy

[42:33] That's what he is.

[42:34] It's what I wait.

Elliott Kalan

[42:35] What he does isn't very nice.

[42:37] Yeah, that's true.

[42:38] Anne Hathaway

[42:38] for a moment

[42:39] was Hugh Jackman's

[42:40] Jubilee

[42:40] or Shadowcat.

[42:42] Maybe Amy Adams

[42:43] is trying to shed

[42:43] the musical image.

Dan McCoy

[42:45] Who won for

[42:45] Best Supporting Actress?

[42:46] Anelby Cruz.

Elliott Kalan

[42:47] Anelby Cruz,

[42:48] that's right.

[42:48] Okay.

[42:48] I haven't seen that yet,

[42:49] but I'd like to see it.

Stuart Wellington

[42:50] Although,

[42:50] like,

[42:51] they were kind of

[42:51] pitching that as,

[42:52] like,

[42:52] Woody Allen's

[42:53] comeback movie,

[42:54] but I kind of thought

[42:55] Matchpoint was.

Elliott Kalan

[42:55] Every movie is kind of

[42:57] Woody Allen's comeback movie

[42:57] because his next movie

[42:58] is usually not very good.

[43:00] A turd?

[43:01] Because then he did

[43:01] You did that

[43:03] as if you were

[43:04] a wealthy dowager

[43:05] who had just been informed

[43:06] that there was a turd

[43:08] somewhere in the house.

[43:09] In the soup tree.

[43:10] A turd?

[43:11] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:12] I'm like,

[43:13] I'm like Rich Little.

Elliott Kalan

[43:17] Or Margaret Dumont.

[43:18] Or Margaret Dumont.

[43:19] I'm Rich Little

[43:21] doing Margaret Dumont

[43:22] as Jimmy Carter.

Dan McCoy

[43:23] Rich Little's

[43:24] obscure impressions show.

Elliott Kalan

[43:27] Obscure impressions cavalcade.

[43:29] Now,

[43:30] oh,

[43:30] here's another

[43:31] Marx Brothers favorite.

[43:32] Here's Sig Ruman.

[43:33] Oh,

[43:33] I don't think

[43:35] the opera should do that.

[43:37] Oh,

[43:37] here for everybody's favorite,

[43:38] it's Eugene Pallet.

Stuart Wellington

[43:39] Oh,

[43:40] give me back

[43:42] my mutton leg.

Elliott Kalan

[43:43] It's from

[43:43] The Adventures of Robin Hood.

[43:46] Oh,

[43:46] who's this?

[43:47] Nat Pendleton?

[43:49] Yeah,

[43:49] alright,

[43:49] Nick,

[43:49] I'll leave you this time.

[43:51] It's from

[43:51] The Thin Man.

[43:53] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[43:54] This room's getting crowded

[43:56] with all these people in here.

Elliott Kalan

[43:57] Who's that over there?

[43:58] Wait,

[43:58] was you ever

[43:59] bit by a dead bee?

[44:01] Oh,

[44:01] Mr. Brennan,

[44:02] please.

Stuart Wellington

[44:04] I don't think you broke down.

Elliott Kalan

[44:06] Yeah,

[44:06] I think so.

Stuart Wellington

[44:07] Um,

[44:07] yeah,

[44:08] so we didn't see him.

[44:11] I'm Jack Nick.

[44:12] I never actually saw this.

Elliott Kalan

[44:14] I haven't seen it yet.

[44:14] My girlfriend liked it a lot

[44:15] and I'd like to see it.

[44:16] Okay.

[44:17] She went without me

[44:17] because I was busy that night.

Stuart Wellington

[44:18] Because she wanted

[44:19] a night alone

[44:20] with Javier Bardem.

[44:21] No,

[44:21] she went with a friend of hers.

[44:23] And,

[44:23] well,

[44:24] wait,

[44:24] in that movie,

[44:24] doesn't have a...

Elliott Kalan

[44:25] Her friend,

[44:25] her friend Javier Bardem.

[44:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:29] So it was kind of like

[44:30] a night alone.

[44:30] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[44:31] only went to the movies,

[44:32] he rented out the theater,

[44:33] they made love.

[44:33] Did you try the popcorn trick?

[44:35] Here's the problem.

[44:36] We've talked about

[44:37] the popcorn trick.

[44:38] How do you get your dick

[44:39] and the popcorn in?

[44:40] Either the bucket's

[44:41] full of popcorn

[44:42] so you cut a hole open,

[44:43] the popcorn drains out

[44:44] while you're putting

[44:45] your dick in,

[44:45] or you cut the hole,

[44:47] you're walking around

[44:47] with the popcorn box

[44:48] on your dick

[44:49] and then they have to

[44:49] fill hot popcorn

[44:50] on your penis.

[44:51] How are you going

[44:52] to stay erect?

[44:53] That trick does not work.

Stuart Wellington

[44:56] It's clearly,

[44:57] he zips his pants,

[44:58] he gets really horny

[44:59] because he's close

[45:00] to the girl

[45:00] smelling in her

[45:01] female smells.

[45:03] He gets an instant boner

[45:05] that's so forceful

Elliott Kalan

[45:06] and punches through.

[45:07] I think this is

[45:07] the same conversation.

[45:08] What was the name of,

[45:09] oh,

[45:10] Feeling Up.

[45:10] That was the name

[45:11] of the movie

[45:11] that we came up with.

[45:12] It was entirely about that.

Stuart Wellington

[45:13] Based loosely on

[45:14] the big sausage pizza

Elliott Kalan

[45:16] I don't remember

[45:19] ordering a sausage

[45:20] of the penis in it.

[45:21] Apparently that was

Dan McCoy

[45:21] Mickey Wark's big scene

[45:22] in Diner was the

[45:23] popcorn scene.

[45:25] Was it?

[45:25] It did that exact prank

[45:26] so it all comes back

[45:27] around to the Oscars.

[45:28] I don't remember

[45:28] Diner that well.

Elliott Kalan

[45:29] Anyway,

[45:30] should that wrap up

[45:30] our Oscars talk?

Dan McCoy

[45:32] Yeah,

[45:32] let's move on.

[45:34] We've been talking

[45:34] for a while.

[45:35] I'm going to run

[45:35] through some letters

[45:36] very quickly.

[45:38] Number one,

[45:39] from Matt,

[45:39] last name withheld,

[45:40] The Swing Vote

[45:41] installment was an

[45:42] excellent show.

[45:43] Stuart was sorely missed

[45:44] as the sarcastic

[45:45] subwoofer to

[45:46] Elliot's trivia camp

[45:47] tweeter and Dan's

[45:49] normal vocal range.

[45:51] Hey,

[45:51] wait a minute,

[45:52] I'm a baritone.

[45:52] It's just that Stuart

[45:53] is so low.

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] And I'm apparently

[45:55] only high-pitched

[45:57] enough that dogs can hear.

[45:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:59] But Mr. Hines

[46:00] did a nice job

[46:01] of bringing it

[46:02] even though he didn't

[46:03] do a very good job

[46:04] of mentioning breasts.

[46:05] And both Dan and Will

[46:06] managed to keep

[46:07] Elliot's endless list.

[46:08] Stuart,

Elliott Kalan

[46:09] yeah, Stuart,

[46:09] you've been falling down

[46:10] on the job this time too.

Stuart Wellington

[46:11] Goldie Ones

[46:12] breasts look weird.

Elliott Kalan

[46:13] Okay,

[46:13] what about Sophia Lorenz?

Stuart Wellington

[46:15] Uh,

[46:15] I was kind of scared.

Elliott Kalan

[46:17] What about Sarah Jessica

[46:17] Parkers?

Stuart Wellington

[46:18] Uh,

[46:19] yeah,

[46:20] not,

[46:20] not Sophia Lorenz.

Elliott Kalan

[46:20] Were you as disappointed

[46:21] as I am that Jessica

[46:22] Biel was showing

[46:23] very little?

Stuart Wellington

[46:24] Yeah,

[46:24] what the fuck

[46:24] was she wearing?

[46:25] She was wearing like

Elliott Kalan

[46:26] a towel made out of

[46:26] silk wrapped around her.

[46:27] Yeah,

[46:27] what the fuck?

Dan McCoy

[46:29] Anyway.

[46:30] And both Dan and Will

[46:31] managed to keep Elliot's

[46:32] endless list to a

[46:33] reasonable length,

[46:34] stopping him before he

[46:35] reached scrotin'

[46:36] scrotables

[46:37] and slurpin'

[46:38] gulpables.

[46:39] Those are pretty good.

[46:40] Thank you for continuing

[46:41] to prove that young

[46:41] white men are not

[46:42] obsolete.

[46:44] And,

[46:44] uh,

[46:44] he says...

Elliott Kalan

[46:45] It's a weird one.

[46:47] It's a strange comment.

[46:48] Matt,

Dan McCoy

[46:48] last name withheld.

[46:49] P-S-S-S.

[46:51] Nude pics,

[46:52] please.

[46:53] So,

[46:53] there you go.

[46:54] Nice.

[46:54] I'll get right on.

[46:56] So,

[46:56] we've got one from

[46:57] Carl,

[46:59] People of the Flophouse,

[47:00] long-time listener,

[47:01] first-time caller.

[47:02] In fact,

[47:03] I'm listening to your

[47:03] latest podcast as I

[47:04] write this.

[47:05] You're babbling about

[47:06] goats and it's weird,

[47:07] but that's why I tune in

[47:08] to kind of half-listen

[47:09] while I do other stuff.

[47:10] Oh,

[47:11] the highest compliment.

[47:13] You guys got into an

[47:14] argument a few minutes

[47:15] ago in my frame of

[47:16] reference,

[47:16] I mean.

[47:16] So,

Elliott Kalan

[47:16] he's live-blogging

[47:17] the show to us.

[47:18] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[47:20] Let me tell you what's

[47:20] going on in the Flophouse

[47:22] right now.

[47:22] Let me give you a

[47:22] play-by-play on what

[47:23] you did last week.

[47:24] About how unbelievably

[47:25] dumb it would be not to

[47:26] know what pro-life meant.

[47:28] Word of God,

[47:28] my sister,

[47:29] 21 at the time,

[47:30] a Bible-thumping

[47:31] Republican,

[47:32] proudly voted for

[47:32] Al Gore in the 2000

[47:34] election because,

[47:35] quote,

[47:36] he was the one who

[47:37] was pro-life or

[47:37] whatever,

[47:38] right?

[47:39] So,

[47:39] in that respect,

[47:40] the movie wasn't as

[47:41] absurd as you suggest.

[47:42] Please do a movie set in

[47:43] the Middle Ages sometime

[47:44] soon.

[47:45] I have a medieval blog.

[47:46] I will link to it on the

[47:47] website.

[47:47] Maybe it's time to bring

[47:48] out Dungeon Siege in the

[47:49] name of the king.

[47:50] Yeah.

[47:50] I can promise you a

[47:51] featured article,

[47:53] which would almost

[47:53] certainly bring you six,

[47:54] maybe seven new

[47:55] listeners.

[47:56] Ooh.

[47:56] So,

[47:57] there you go.

[47:58] That brings us up

Stuart Wellington

[47:59] from two to eight.

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] That's pretty good.

[48:01] We will have more than

[48:02] trebled.

Dan McCoy

[48:03] Here,

[48:04] from Colin,

Elliott Kalan

[48:06] It's like we get only

[48:07] people from the

[48:07] Witness Protection Program.

Dan McCoy

[48:08] Sure.

[48:09] You have talked briefly

[48:10] about how the Academy

[48:10] more often than not

[48:11] gives the best picture

[48:12] Oscar to the wrong movie.

[48:13] Almost always.

[48:14] Goodness knows I've

[48:15] been disappointed time

[48:16] and time again by the

[48:17] nod towards, say,

[48:19] Dances with Wolves

[48:19] over Goodfellas,

[48:21] or the English patient

[48:22] winning over Fargo.

[48:23] Given my prior success

[48:25] with multiple viewings

[48:26] of Robocop and pump

[48:27] up the volume,

[48:27] I might have been able

[48:28] to sneak a copy of

[48:29] Goodfellas into the

[48:30] house when my parents

[48:31] were away somewhere,

[48:32] but it flew under my

[48:33] teenage radar for a few

[48:34] years.

[48:35] But going back,

[48:36] as far as you like...

Elliott Kalan

[48:37] Goodfellas was

[48:38] unwatchable,

[48:39] but Robocop,

[48:40] I'll let my kids

[48:41] watch that.

Stuart Wellington

[48:43] Well,

[48:44] it has a better

[48:44] message,

[48:45] you know?

Elliott Kalan

[48:45] Yeah,

[48:46] half-robot-off man,

[48:47] all-cop.

[48:48] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[48:48] he's also got a heart.

Dan McCoy

[48:50] It's basically just

[48:51] the Tin Man

[48:52] updated.

[48:52] Curious to know

[48:53] if there are examples

[48:54] where you feel the

[48:54] Academy got it right

[48:55] and gave the best

[48:56] picture officer to the

[48:57] best film.

[48:57] We were talking about

[48:58] this,

[48:58] the one that both

[48:59] Elliot and I came up

[49:00] with immediately was

[49:01] The Apartment.

Elliott Kalan

[49:02] The Apartment is maybe

[49:03] the best purely

[49:04] Hollywood film ever

[49:05] made.

[49:05] But also,

[49:06] I mean,

[49:06] you could say

[49:07] All Quiet on the

[49:08] Western Front has

[49:09] held up well.

[49:10] You could say that

[49:11] All About Eve is not

[49:12] one of my favorites,

[49:13] but you could make a

[49:14] good case for it.

[49:15] The same with,

[49:16] um...

[49:16] What else am I

[49:17] thinking of?

[49:17] I'm having trouble

[49:18] remembering some of the

[49:18] other ones.

[49:19] But there are movies

[49:19] that, like,

[49:20] The Lost Weekend

[49:20] is a very good movie

[49:21] that I believe won

[49:23] Best Picture,

[49:23] if I'm remembering

[49:24] it correctly.

[49:25] They're not always

[49:26] wrong, but they're

[49:27] just wrong most of

[49:28] the time.

[49:28] And many times the

[49:29] best movies are not

[49:29] nominated.

[49:30] You have the 50s

[49:32] through the ever

[49:33] is when things

[49:34] really got bad.

[49:35] Like, in the 50s

[49:36] and 60s, the studios

[49:38] really learned how to

[49:39] game the system.

[49:39] So stuff like

[49:40] Greatest Show on Earth

[49:41] or Around the World

[49:42] in 80 Days would win,

[49:44] or, like,

[49:44] Dr. Doolittle would

[49:45] get nominated for Best

[49:46] Picture, and just

[49:47] garbage.

[49:48] But it's not always.

[49:49] There are times when

[49:50] it's right.

[49:50] But The Apartment is

[49:51] the main one.

Dan McCoy

[49:52] And he says he'd

[49:53] like to know our

[49:53] thoughts on Best

[49:54] Original Screenplay

[49:55] Awards.

[49:56] That, with a few

[49:57] exceptions, the

[49:57] nominations and

[49:58] winners have been a

[49:58] highlight for me

[49:59] more consistently

[50:00] than any other

[50:00] category.

[50:01] Points out that

[50:02] War Games was

[50:02] actually nominated

[50:03] for a Best

[50:04] Screenplay Oscar.

Elliott Kalan

[50:05] I mean, Fargo won

[50:06] Best Original Screenplay,

[50:07] which goes a long

[50:08] way.

[50:09] Citizen Kane.

[50:10] Citizen Kane won

[50:10] Best Original Screenplay.

Dan McCoy

[50:12] Elliot's not as big

[50:13] a fan as I, but I

[50:14] was talking about

[50:15] Eternal Sunshine of

[50:16] the Spotless Mind.

[50:17] I think that's a

[50:17] great screenplay

[50:18] pick.

Elliott Kalan

[50:18] I mean, but the

[50:19] thing about screenplay

[50:20] is it seems to be the

[50:21] place where they kind of

[50:22] like can slip in

[50:23] sometimes.

[50:24] A movie that isn't

[50:25] necessarily, especially

[50:26] in the nominees.

[50:27] Beautiful Mind.

[50:29] Thank you.

[50:30] Would that be original

[50:31] or adapted?

[50:32] That's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[50:33] Yeah, that's adapted.

Elliott Kalan

[50:34] But the fact that

[50:35] WALL-E was nominated

[50:36] for Best Original Screenplay

[50:37] is a really good thing.

[50:39] You almost feel like if

[50:40] it wasn't a screenwriting

[50:41] category, it wouldn't

[50:43] have had a chance

[50:44] because the screenwriters

[50:46] at least at the very

[50:46] least still nominate

[50:47] things that aren't

[50:48] necessarily, even if

[50:50] they're big movies,

[50:50] they aren't necessarily

[50:51] the ones that win

[50:52] other awards.

[50:53] I mean, I'm a guild

[50:54] member, so I gotta

[50:54] stick up for screenwriters

[50:56] and say they do a good

[50:57] job all the time.

[50:58] But on the other hand...

[50:58] You also have to take

Dan McCoy

[50:59] on apprentices as a

[51:00] guild member.

Elliott Kalan

[51:01] Yes, well, I have to...

[51:02] Johnny Tremaine.

[51:03] I'm an apprentice.

[51:04] Yeah, I've blown off

[51:04] part of my hand,

[51:05] unfortunately, in a

[51:07] screenwriting accident.

Stuart Wellington

[51:08] You take on apprentices

[51:10] like Johnny Tremaine.

Dan McCoy

[51:11] No, I'm in an

[51:12] apprenticeship right now.

Elliott Kalan

[51:13] You should not put

[51:13] gunpowder in your

[51:14] typewriter.

[51:15] I do a lot of using

[51:18] an anvil and wearing

[51:19] a leather apron.

[51:21] That's for sexual

[51:22] reasons.

[51:23] You should get born,

[51:23] you know?

[51:24] See, America get

[51:25] born.

[51:26] Not everything is

[51:27] like Johnny Tremaine.

[51:28] I think you're

[51:30] wrong on that, Elliot.

[51:31] Everything is like

[51:31] Johnny Tremaine.

[51:32] Even the screenwriters

[51:33] get taken in sometimes.

[51:34] Like you have like

[51:35] Juno winning last year,

[51:36] which unless, as I've

[51:38] said before, Juno is

[51:40] a brilliant experiment

[51:42] in doing everything

[51:43] the opposite of how

[51:45] you're supposed to do

[51:45] it when you write a

[51:46] screenplay.

[51:46] In which case, it

[51:48] deserves the award for

[51:49] working to a certain

[51:50] extent while doing

[51:51] everything wrong that

[51:52] you could possibly do.

Dan McCoy

[51:53] Okay, I want to get

[51:54] one last letter in.

[51:55] Hello, Dan and

[51:55] Stuart and Elliot.

[51:56] Just listen to your

[51:57] Oscar.

[51:57] Hey, I like the way

[51:58] this one starts.

[51:59] Friendly like.

[51:59] Oh, this is from

[52:00] Jen, last name

[52:01] withheld, who's a

[52:01] big fan.

Elliott Kalan

[52:04] As opposed to these

[52:05] other letters, which

[52:06] are from jerks who

[52:07] hate us.

Dan McCoy

[52:07] Well, she's linked to

[52:08] us on her website a

[52:11] few times.

[52:11] We get some traffic

[52:12] from her.

[52:13] Her website,

[52:13] website withheld.

[52:14] I'll put a link up.

[52:15] Just listen to your

[52:16] Oscar movie minute,

[52:17] and I wanted to

[52:18] agree wholeheartedly

[52:19] with your mention of

[52:20] the disappointing

[52:21] lack of nomination

[52:21] for Chris Nolan as

[52:22] a director.

[52:23] I couldn't believe

[52:24] he got passed over

[52:25] for Ron Howard.

[52:26] But what surprised me

[52:27] even more is that I

[52:27] listen to a ton of

[52:28] film podcasts.

[52:29] I sit in front of the

[52:30] computer all day at work,

[52:31] so seriously, I listen to

[52:32] pretty much everyone with a

[52:33] microphone and a podcast

[52:34] and a film opinion.

[52:35] And of all the Oscar

[52:36] discussions I've heard so

[52:37] far, you're the only one

[52:38] that brought this up, so

[52:40] kudos for agreeing with me.

[52:42] I want to mention, I heard

[52:43] a battleship pretension

[52:45] is another podcast that

[52:46] mentioned it, and I want

[52:48] to mention them because

[52:49] they're a lot more

[52:49] popular than us.

[52:51] What are they called?

[52:52] Battleship pretension.

Elliott Kalan

[52:53] That's a good title.

[52:53] That's a better title than

[52:54] the Flophouse.

[52:55] It's a play on a famous

[52:56] movie that no one's seen,

[52:58] and it kind of is

[53:00] self-mocking.

Dan McCoy

[53:01] It's a good show.

[53:02] I say that in the hopes

[53:03] that maybe they're

[53:04] listening and they'll

[53:05] plug us.

[53:06] They're too busy

[53:06] pretending they've seen

[53:07] Eisenstein films.

Elliott Kalan

[53:09] My new podcast,

[53:10] Alexander Nemsky.

Dan McCoy

[53:13] That's not even a pun.

[53:14] No, it's not.

[53:15] Not a pun at all.

[53:16] I couldn't think of

[53:16] anything that sounded

[53:17] like Nemsky.

[53:17] Also, if you're

[53:18] wondering to whom

[53:19] that Wall-E Peter

[53:20] Gabriel song could

[53:21] possibly appeal, I have

[53:23] the answer.

[53:23] My three-year-old

[53:24] daughter, Elizabeth.

[53:25] Oh.

[53:25] Boo.

[53:26] Your daughter has

[53:28] terrible taste.

[53:30] She will provide her

[53:31] own...

Elliott Kalan

[53:31] Play her some x-ray

[53:31] specs or something.

Stuart Wellington

[53:33] Although, after hearing

[53:35] it sung by John Legend...

Elliott Kalan

[53:37] I have to say, the

[53:38] John Legend version was

Dan McCoy

[53:39] much better than the

[53:40] Peter Gabriel version.

[53:41] She will provide her

[53:42] own rendition of the

[53:43] song, an endless

[53:43] repeat at top volume

[53:45] without anyone even

[53:45] asking her to.

[53:46] Oh, that's adorable.

[53:47] It's quite pleasant

[53:47] and peaceful, really.

[53:48] I can only conclude

[53:49] that the Academy

[53:50] voters all know

[53:51] young children who

[53:52] do the same thing

[53:53] and were brainwashed

[53:54] into voting for the

[53:55] song.

Stuart Wellington

[53:55] Yeah, well, when I

[53:56] was a kid, I

[53:56] listened to fucking

[53:57] Kenny Loggins'

[53:59] tapes.

[54:00] I can fucking

[54:00] repeat all the

[54:01] time.

[54:01] Kids like stuff.

Dan McCoy

[54:04] That's pretty

[54:04] impressive for a

[54:05] three-year-old to

[54:06] sing a Peter

[54:07] Gabriel song.

Elliott Kalan

[54:08] Well, what's

[54:09] weird is that she

[54:09] started with Bico.

Dan McCoy

[54:12] This is actually

[54:12] her second Peter

[54:13] Gabriel song.

[54:15] She's really

[54:15] concerned with

[54:16] South African

[54:17] issues.

Elliott Kalan

[54:19] Well, that's

[54:19] true.

[54:20] I had forgotten,

[54:20] frankly, that

[54:21] WALL-E being a

[54:22] child is so well

[54:23] made that you

[54:23] forget it's a

[54:24] children's film to

[54:25] a certain extent.

[54:25] So it makes sense

[54:26] that they would

[54:26] have a song that

[54:27] maybe kids like

[54:28] because they don't

[54:29] have a fully formed

[54:30] sense of taste and

[54:31] don't know when

[54:32] songs are bad.

[54:33] But that kid

[54:34] sounds adorable.

[54:35] And I will say,

[54:36] I'm going to go out

[54:36] on a limb and say

[54:37] Christopher Nolan

[54:38] will be remembered

[54:39] as a great director

[54:40] at some point.

Stuart Wellington

[54:40] I think what he's

[54:41] going to do is

[54:42] he'll pull the

[54:42] David Fincher

[54:43] thing where he

Elliott Kalan

[54:44] makes a shitty

Stuart Wellington

[54:45] movie that the

[54:46] Academy totally

[54:47] ignores.

[54:48] And then he's

[54:49] going to make a

[54:49] crappy, really long

[54:50] movie.

Elliott Kalan

[54:51] He's made a couple

[54:52] awesome movies now.

Stuart Wellington

[54:53] Yeah, but same

[54:54] thing with David

[54:54] Fincher.

Elliott Kalan

[54:55] Yeah, I guess.

[54:56] I'm not as big a

[54:56] fan of David

[54:57] Fincher.

Stuart Wellington

[54:58] Alien 3?

Elliott Kalan

[54:59] Listen, I'm not

[55:00] forgetting Alien 3.

[55:02] Alien 3?

[55:02] I'm not.

[55:03] Your face!

[55:04] You're right!

Stuart Wellington

[55:05] Okay, so I think

[55:07] next year Christopher

[55:08] Nolan will get

[55:09] Best Director for

[55:10] making, I don't

[55:10] know, Benjamin

[55:11] Button Part 4 or

[55:12] something.

Elliott Kalan

[55:13] Because Part 2 and

[55:14] 3 will have also

[55:15] come out.

[55:15] Yeah.

[55:16] Even Button-er.

[55:17] Direct-to-DVD.

Dan McCoy

[55:18] So that's Stuart's

[55:20] dramatic prediction

[55:21] for next year.

Elliott Kalan

[55:22] And what are you

[55:23] going to do if that

[55:23] prediction doesn't

[55:24] come true?

Stuart Wellington

[55:24] Let me scry my

[55:25] room with my

[55:26] room sticks.

[55:28] Hold on, let me

Elliott Kalan

[55:29] scrape this pork

[55:30] shoulder and read

[55:32] these entrails.

[55:33] I have Guy Ritchie

[55:34] for Sherlock Holmes.

[55:35] Interesting.

Dan McCoy

[55:35] Well, as Stuart

[55:36] concludes his

[55:38] infernal rights,

[55:39] I'm Dan McCoy.

[55:41] And I'm Stuart

[55:42] Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[55:42] And I'm Elliot

[55:43] Kalin, $115

[55:44] richer because I

[55:45] won my Oscar

[55:45] pool at work.

[55:46] Good night.

[55:47] Woo!

[55:54] Should Stuart

[55:55] continue talking

[55:55] about cooch or

[55:56] what's a different

[55:58] subject?

[55:59] The table's

[56:00] varied.

[56:00] This is a wobbly

[56:01] table.

[56:02] Why are you

[56:02] leaning on it?

[56:03] Oh, okay.

[56:04] I won't lean on

[56:05] the table.

[56:05] A piece of

[56:06] furniture made

[56:06] to have weight

[56:07] rested upon it.

Dan McCoy

[56:08] It's because

[56:09] it's old.

[56:09] We'll get a new

[56:10] table.

[56:10] You should get

[56:11] a new table.

[56:11] Maybe I'll get

Elliott Kalan

[56:11] you one as a

[56:12] birthday present.

[56:12] One's your

[56:13] birthday?

Dan McCoy

[56:14] Yeah, with your

[56:15] big Oscar pool

[56:16] winnings.

[56:16] Got that right.

Elliott Kalan

[56:17] I could afford

[56:18] a table.

[56:19] I'm not

[56:21] guaranteeing it.

[56:22] Sure.

[56:24] But I'm not

[56:24] not guaranteeing

[56:25] it.

Stuart Wellington

[56:25] So do we

[56:26] possibly have

[56:27] a new writing?

Elliott Kalan

[56:28] No.

[56:29] That would be...

Stuart Wellington

[56:30] Is it because

[56:30] you like

[56:31] capable characters

[56:31] in the reader?

Elliott Kalan

[56:33] No, it's not

[56:34] at all.

Stuart Wellington

[56:35] Are you illiterate?

[56:36] I'm not illiterate.

Academy Awards Flopstacular 2009!

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