FH Mini #121 - Hi, Resolutions!

Elliott Kalan

[0:00] Hi, Floppers. Before we start this episode, I just wanted to remind you we are in the middle of FlopTV Season 2.

[0:06] That's right, the one-hour internet televised Flophouse TV show is here for you the first Saturday of every month through February.

[0:14] Just go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com and get your tickets or season pass for this all-new Flophouse TV stuff.

[0:22] We're covering movies we've never covered before. We've got video segments. It's amazing.

[0:27] Just go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com for FlopTV Season 2. This time, it's personal.

[0:37] Hello, everybody. Welcome to another Flophouse mini.

[0:41] That's right, here at the Flophouse podcast, we often watch a bad movie and then talk about it.

[0:45] But every other week, we do other stuff, sometimes movie-related, sometimes not movie-related.

[0:52] Which kind is it this week? I guess you'll have to listen to find out.

[0:55] My name is Elliot Kalin, and I want to apologize if the audio that you're hearing from me is not great.

[1:00] As talked about in our previous episode, Joker Follier Ducks.

[1:05] I am currently not at my home because of the Los Angeles fire situation.

[1:10] I am safe. My family is safe. Thank you very much.

[1:12] If you would like to donate to any of the organizations that are taking care of people who are affected by the fires,

[1:17] please do so.

[1:19] I will not see that money because I don't need it.

[1:21] Thankfully, knock on wood, I'm very lucky in this case.

[1:24] But other people need it, so please do that.

[1:26] But let's talk about other things this time because it's two weeks, hopefully, after those fires when you're listening to this.

[1:31] And I'm joined by two great guys, one for each of those weeks.

[1:36] Guys, why not introduce yourselves?

Dan McCoy

[1:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39] And for the second week, I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42] Great. I actually met the guys behind you, but we can do it with you.

[1:45] Yeah, that's fine. We can do it with you.

[1:46] Okay. Yeah.

[1:47] No, no. Dan and Stuart are the great guys I'm talking about.

[1:50] And you know what?

[1:51] I should be more sincere in my appreciation of them because that's the kind of thing you might make a New Year's resolution about,

[1:59] is to express to the people you love that you do love them rather than just making mean jokes about them,

[2:05] which is another way to show love sometimes, but they have to know that that's the case.

[2:09] Oh, yeah.

[2:09] And I mentioned New Year's resolutions because guys—

Stuart Wellington

[2:11] Oh, it's been love.

[2:12] Like a roast.

[2:13] Exactly.

[2:13] You've seen a roast, right?

[2:15] It's delicious.

[2:16] It is delicious.

[2:16] It's been a roast for a long time.

Elliott Kalan

[2:18] You got to.

[2:19] You got to.

[2:19] Just like a roast joke.

[2:20] It has to take a very long time to tell it.

Stuart Wellington

[2:23] And then that one guy, Jeff, what's his name, shows up and eats it because he's the roast master general.

Elliott Kalan

[2:28] Yeah, that one guy, Jeff.

[2:31] I know that Jeff you're talking about.

[2:32] Jeff Ross.

[2:33] Jeff Ross.

[2:33] Is that what you're thinking?

[2:34] So I'm talking about New Year's resolutions because it is January, I think, when this episode is coming out.

[2:39] Maybe it's not anymore.

[2:40] I don't care.

[2:41] It's January when we're recording it.

[2:42] And I'm talking about New Year's resolutions today.

[2:45] The start of the year when everyone decides to do something to make themselves better.

[2:49] Or, as is often the case nowadays, the world decides what it's going to do to make itself worse throughout the year.

[2:55] Guys, let's talk about positive New Year's resolutions.

[2:57] Do you have any New Year's resolutions this year?

Dan McCoy

[3:00] Well, here's a thing that I heard recently that I agree with, which is it's probably like New Year's resolutions are a good way to set yourself up for failure if you're like, oh, I'm going to do like this whole new thing.

[3:15] I'm going to change my life.

Elliott Kalan

[3:16] Yeah, it's not going to happen that way.

[3:18] I'm going to eat.

[3:18] I'm going to love this year.

[3:20] That's three things, which is too many things for one year.

Dan McCoy

[3:22] Choose one.

[3:24] The thing that I heard suggested, and I think maybe this was like a New York Times wellness thing.

[3:29] Who knows where I got this.

[3:31] But it was like double down on like the things you've identified that you think are positive that you've started to do.

[3:38] So I'm going to double down on like I'm going to try keep up going to yoga.

[3:44] I'm going to try keep avoiding reading the internet when it's making me sad and angry at the world.

Stuart Wellington

[3:52] Dan, real quick, can you stretch your arms out super long yet?

[3:55] Or is that not the stage of yoga?

Dan McCoy

[3:56] I'm not there quite yet.

[3:59] But his teacher, Dulcim, says that he's getting there.

[4:01] Oh, wow.

[4:02] I'm going to continue to read more, and I'm going to continue to like figure out strategies to, you know,

[4:08] like make myself more organized, like set deadlines for myself, make more lists, et cetera.

[4:14] Those are kind of the things I'm going to double down on.

Elliott Kalan

[4:16] That sounds great.

[4:17] Stuart, what about you?

[4:18] What are you going to double down on?

Stuart Wellington

[4:19] I mean, I didn't know that.

[4:21] I thought this was a resolutions thing, not a double down thing.

[4:24] Okay, what are you going to resolve to do?

[4:25] It's actually a double dare thing.

Elliott Kalan

[4:26] Well, let's see.

[4:27] I think it's more running this nose.

[4:29] You've got to pull a flag out of those motors.

Stuart Wellington

[4:34] I think that, let's see.

[4:38] I mean, the big thing for me is I, the start of the year has been really stressful for work-related reasons.

[4:46] So, I'm hoping that I can get on top of that a little better.

[4:51] And also, I've been struggling with some upper respiratory stuff.

[4:56] And then between those two things, it's kind of messed up my gym schedule.

[5:01] And I'd like to get back into a consistent, get my gym schedule back on track.

[5:06] Not for any reason other than it just makes my brain feel better.

Elliott Kalan

[5:10] How's your tanning and laundry doing?

Stuart Wellington

[5:12] Is that still a lot of good?

[5:13] Oh, Dan.

[5:14] My laundry game's on point.

[5:15] Tanning?

[5:16] Good.

[5:16] I haven't been to a tanning.

[5:18] I went to a tanning booth a couple times before I went to Australia last year.

[5:22] And I still have a tan line.

[5:25] Like a little bikini-sized tan line.

[5:28] It's pretty funny.

Elliott Kalan

[5:29] I would have a doctor look at that.

[5:31] That doesn't sound right.

Stuart Wellington

[5:32] Uh-huh.

[5:33] Well, I don't know.

[5:34] I mean, a lot of people look at it, but they have to pay a premium price for that.

Elliott Kalan

[5:38] I wouldn't be surprised if you went to a tanning booth and they're like, oh, we don't know how to tan.

[5:43] Just tattoo this line on him.

[5:45] And then you have a tattoo of a tan line.

[5:47] You don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[5:48] Uh-huh.

[5:49] But the other thing is I have a goal that I'd like to take my mom on a vacation.

[5:55] Oh, that's very sweet.

[5:55] Very nice.

Elliott Kalan

[5:57] For New Year's this year, my goal is to try to work less, to make work less the core of my life.

[6:04] Yeah.

[6:04] And make things like my family and taking care of my health more the core of my life.

[6:08] Because too often in the choice between getting work done or being or taking care of myself, I choose the work one.

[6:14] Uh-huh.

[6:15] And it's not good for me.

[6:16] That being said, this is a podcast about movies, guys.

[6:20] It's not like a wellness podcast.

[6:22] And so I want – it's not even a Road to Wellville podcast.

[6:25] Yeah.

[6:25] A Wellington podcast.

[6:27] That's true.

[6:27] That's a Wellington podcast.

[6:28] At least a third of it.

[6:29] And then we always talk about that guy, that crazy general who finally took Napoleon down.

Stuart Wellington

[6:34] Yeah.

[6:35] I have a good name.

[6:37] I could be like a wellness fucking guru.

[6:40] Yeah, you should.

[6:40] Wellness with Wellington.

[6:41] Yeah, wellness with Wellington.

[6:42] You should do that.

[6:43] All I have to do is sound –

[6:45] I just have to be really confident when I make my social media, my forward-facing social media videos.

[6:51] Yeah.

[6:51] Yeah, that's the main problem with your videos.

Dan McCoy

[6:53] Not enough confidence.

Stuart Wellington

[6:56] Oh, man.

[6:58] Apparently, I'm taking some of the heat that he was previously directing in Elliot.

[7:03] Everyone gets a turn.

[7:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:05] Dan is like the wheel of fate.

[7:09] I got some fucking splash damage on that one.

[7:12] I was trying to think if there are any movies about New Year's resolutions.

[7:16] And I – at the time I was putting this together, I was in the middle of fleeing from a natural disaster.

[7:22] So I didn't – I wasn't able to do much research.

[7:24] And so I was trying to think.

[7:25] The only one that came to mind, and I can't remember if it's a New Year's movie or not,

[7:28] is what, Yes Man with Jim Carrey, the one where he says yes to everything.

[7:31] But that might not be a New Year's resolution.

[7:33] That might just be a thing that he decides.

[7:35] Yeah, that he decides to do it.

[7:36] What about the mask?

[7:37] Is that a New Year's resolution that he's going to wear the mask more?

[7:40] I have to be zanier.

[7:42] Yeah, but it's dumb and dumber, a New Year's movie.

Stuart Wellington

[7:44] They're like, we need to be not just dumb, but dumber.

[7:47] What about that movie?

[7:48] Is it Resolution, the one where they're at like a dinner party for New Year's

[7:51] and a comet's passing super close or a meteor's passing close and they like –

[7:55] Oh, I think you're thinking of – is that Coherence?

[7:58] Coherence, the one with the alternate dimension stuff.

Dan McCoy

[8:00] I think Resolution is a movie, but I'm not sure what it is.

[8:03] Maybe a movie about photography.

[8:05] I don't – does the movie – we never did New Year's Eve for the podcast,

[8:08] which surprised me when looking back recently that we didn't do it.

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] I think we didn't do it on purpose because none of us wanted to watch it,

[8:14] but we probably should have done it, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:16] Oh, no, I think I recommended this one.

[8:19] Resolution is from – what's the – the Benson and Justin Benson, Aaron Moorhead.

[8:26] It's their movie about a friend basically tying another friend up in a cabin in the woods

[8:32] so that they'll get clean.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] I saw the movie that came after that that sort of was related, but I didn't see that one.

Elliott Kalan

[8:37] I don't think I've seen any of those movies.

[8:39] So those are not New Year's Resolution movies, though, right?

[8:41] No, no, no.

[8:42] Okay.

[8:42] Well, we have done no research.

[8:44] We haven't come up with any.

[8:46] We could easily look now on the computer,

[8:48] but I think instead I'd like to talk about something else,

[8:50] which is New Year's Resolutions for things related to movies.

[8:55] So not movies about New Year's Resolutions.

[8:56] We've failed abysmally at that.

[8:58] And for next year, our resolution can be to learn a couple movies

[9:01] that involve New Year's Resolutions.

[9:03] There's got to be a rom-com with a New Year's Resolution.

[9:05] There's got to be.

[9:06] Either where –

[9:07] Hey, listeners, write in.

[9:09] Right in, yeah.

[9:09] One, two, three, Flop Street.

[9:11] We are too lazy to do the work ourselves.

[9:14] You write in.

[9:15] Just write to Dan's home address.

[9:16] Let me get it right here.

[9:17] Hold on.

[9:18] Which is –

[9:19] Oh.

[9:21] Is doing –

[9:23] So let's think about some New Year's Resolutions for movie franchises.

[9:28] These movie franchises, they have their ups.

[9:30] They have their downs.

[9:31] They're kind of like self-aware, sentient people at this time.

[9:34] And they could really have some restarts right now.

[9:37] So if we were one of these New Year's Resolutions –

[9:39] one of these movie franchises,

[9:41] what would the New Year's Resolution for that franchise be?

[9:43] That's something I want to talk about with you today

[9:45] on an episode of the Flophouse I'm calling

[9:48] The American Resolution.

Stuart Wellington

[9:51] Oh, okay.

[9:52] The Resolutionary War?

Elliott Kalan

[9:54] Oh, yeah.

[9:55] That's even better.

[9:55] You know what?

[9:56] Let's call it –

[9:56] except I don't like that war aspect of it.

[9:58] Let's call it the Resolutionary Peace.

[10:00] Is that a thing?

[10:01] Yeah, yeah.

[10:02] Okay, you know what?

[10:02] Let's call it Dance Dance Resolutions.

[10:04] It's called Dance Dance Resolutions.

[10:06] So let's start with the biggest franchise of them all.

[10:09] It's got three letters.

[10:11] Give me an M.

[10:12] Give me a C.

[10:13] Give me a U.

[10:14] That spells McHugh,

[10:16] which is the name of the Marvel Universe.

[10:19] And so what would the MCU's New Year's Resolution be?

Stuart Wellington

[10:24] I mean, probably to release a movie.

[10:28] They haven't done one in a while, right?

[10:31] When was their last movie?

Dan McCoy

[10:32] Well, I feel like they are holding firm

[10:35] to the thing that would have been

[10:39] the resolution I recommended to them.

[10:42] Which is do less stuff?

[10:44] Do less stuff, yes.

Elliott Kalan

[10:45] Because I know they've got that Captain America movie coming out.

Stuart Wellington

[10:47] I thought you were saying more Kang.

Elliott Kalan

[10:50] You did say, Dan, you did say more Kang,

[10:53] but only if a specific actor was playing it.

[10:55] You know who it was.

[10:56] No.

[10:56] Paul Giamatti.

[10:57] Kevin Spacey?

[11:00] We went two different directions there, Stu.

Stuart Wellington

[11:02] Yeah, if it's Paul Giamatti, yeah.

[11:04] Well, I do feel like...

[11:05] How great would Paul Giamatti be as Kang?

Elliott Kalan

[11:07] He would be so fucking good.

[11:08] He would be fantastic as Kang.

Dan McCoy

[11:11] You know, bringing up Kang sort of points to the thing

[11:13] that I probably would say.

[11:14] Oh, the Catherine Hepburn movie, bringing up Kang?

[11:19] I think that they tried to jump right into the idea of, like,

[11:23] let's rebuild another giant arc with a giant villain.

[11:29] And, like, look, you know, I'll be interested in whether they can pull that off again,

[11:36] maybe in the future.

[11:36] But I don't think that that's the right move right after going through Endgame

[11:42] and Infinity War and whatnot.

[11:44] Like, I would like to see a few more things that just kind of exist on their own

[11:49] that aren't so heavily interconnected.

[11:51] I really enjoyed the Agathal long series because I felt like it stood on its own feet.

Stuart Wellington

[11:56] Even though, wasn't that like, didn't that come out of...

[12:00] It came out of WandaVision, but it wasn't...

Dan McCoy

[12:02] WandaVillain and WandaVision, yeah.

[12:05] It doesn't feel like it necessarily has a lot to do with other MCU stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[12:09] I know, I saw Billboards, so I know there's like a new Captain America movie came out

[12:13] where someone is punching his shield, but I don't know anything else about it.

[12:17] I think it's a Red Hulk.

[12:18] Harrison Ford is in it.

[12:19] Oh, it is a Red Hulk.

[12:21] I heard it was a Red Hulk.

[12:22] I did not like that the lag time between something being introduced in the comics

[12:27] and it being in the movies and TV shows has gotten so short in a way that is uncomfortable to me.

[12:32] It used to be like only the most famous superheroes got movies.

[12:36] They had to be around for decades.

[12:38] And then suddenly, you got Red Hulks showing up in things.

[12:41] Yeah, yeah.

[12:41] That's a relatively new idea.

[12:43] How recent is Red Hulk?

[12:43] I mean, like 10 years ago still, but you know, it's something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[12:46] It's really important to Elliot that the established hierarchy of things stays in place.

[12:50] Yes, thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[12:52] Where is my Dark Hawk movie?

[12:54] He's around for way more years than Red Hulk.

[12:56] Dark Hawk and Sleepwalker?

[12:58] Please.

[12:59] Yeah, please.

[12:59] The Rookies of 1991, I think it was.

[13:01] Where's my new Warriors movie?

[13:03] Come on, give me that.

[13:04] I mean, they tried to make a new Warriors TV show and it didn't.

Stuart Wellington

[13:06] And if you want to make something for adults, do a-

[13:08] Do the old Warriors first.

[13:10] Yeah, do like Johnny Blaze and the Rise of the Midnight Suns or whatever.

[13:13] Come on, baby.

[13:14] Yes, please.

[13:14] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[13:15] I mean, they're doing Blade.

[13:16] That's a perfect time to get some more Midnight Suns in there.

[13:19] I mean, they did Morbius.

[13:20] They keep pushing it.

[13:22] And Blade is the-

Stuart Wellington

[13:23] Dogs, a Blade movie is so easy.

[13:27] Like, you do a vampire rave.

[13:29] Yes.

[13:29] You give him a sick-ass katana and a trench coat.

[13:31] Yes.

[13:31] That's a movie.

[13:32] I feel like-

[13:32] That's a movie.

Dan McCoy

[13:33] I feel like Mahershala Ali being like, I want to do Blade kind of cursed it just because-

[13:39] I mean, like, I think it would be great.

[13:41] I would love it.

[13:42] He's a great actor.

[13:43] But I think that suddenly they got the yips and they're like, oh, it's got to be classy

[13:46] now.

[13:47] You know, whereas like a Blade movie doesn't need to be classy.

Elliott Kalan

[13:49] When I bet-

[13:50] I bet you he doesn't want it to be that classy.

[13:52] If I'm him, he wants-

[13:53] He doesn't.

[13:53] It's like there's-

[13:55] When you see-

[13:56] Sometimes there's actors who do like a big action movie or a dumb action movie and people

[13:59] are like, oh, look at them slumming.

[14:01] And it's like, I don't know.

[14:02] I bet there's a part of Cate Blanchett that loves the idea of being in a movie where she's

[14:05] like shooting robots and bounty hunters and stuff like that.

[14:08] Like it's-

[14:08] When there was that scene in Return of the Jedi when Luke Skywalker's in the Rancor's fist

[14:13] and I read something where Luke Skywalker was like, where Mark Hamill was like, that's

[14:18] why you do these.

[14:19] Like, that's what I've always wanted to do is do a scene where I'm in a giant monster's

[14:22] fist.

Stuart Wellington

[14:22] And again, not to bring up Paul Giamatti again, but it's like the conversation he had

[14:27] with his agent when he was in the Planet of the Apes movie and his agent's like, shouldn't

[14:30] you be a character that you can see their face?

[14:33] And he's like, Rick Baker is doing these makeup effects.

Elliott Kalan

[14:36] He's like, if I'm a Planet of the Apes movie, I want to be an ape.

[14:39] Yeah.

[14:40] Just like the Nirvana song.

[14:41] Ape me, my friends.

[14:44] Your friend in that case is Rick Baker.

[14:45] Yeah.

[14:47] Oh man.

[14:48] What I wouldn't give.

[14:49] So the MCU, they're already living out the resolution, which is slow it down.

[14:53] Maybe not so much stuff.

[14:54] Now what about the DCU or Deku, which is the detective comics universe, so-called because

[15:01] it relies on detective stories and mysteries, mostly.

[15:05] Detective Chimp, Slam Bradley, all the big detective characters.

[15:10] They've made movies.

[15:10] Booster Gold's a detective, right?

[15:12] What about the question?

[15:14] The question is kind of a detective.

[15:15] Although he's really more of an Anne Randian figure.

[15:19] What about Zatanna?

[15:21] Is that her name?

[15:21] What's her name?

[15:22] She is not a detective.

[15:23] She's a magician.

[15:24] Yeah.

[15:25] So she's his magician with the most easily crackable magic code, which is just saying things

[15:30] backwards.

[15:31] Oh.

[15:31] What would be your New Year's resolution for the DCU and the people in charge thereof?

[15:36] They got that new Superman movie coming out.

[15:38] My resolution would have been make a movie that just has one character in it.

[15:41] They've already broken that because there's a ton of other characters in the Superman movie.

[15:45] I mean, I think that-

[15:47] By which I mean super-powered characters.

[15:48] Obviously, I don't want a Superman movie where it's just one character, Superman, by himself

[15:52] in space, talking to himself.

[15:54] I mean, I want non-powered characters in there.

[15:57] I don't want Crapp's Last Tape starring Superman.

[16:00] That's not what I'm looking for.

[16:01] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:01] Well, what a-

Elliott Kalan

[16:02] Maybe.

[16:03] Perhaps.

[16:03] I feel like the right actor could pull it off.

[16:05] Yeah.

[16:05] It's hard to know-

[16:07] Look, if Jefferson Mays is going to do a Superman movie, then it should just be him.

[16:10] I saw him in my own wife.

[16:11] He was amazing.

[16:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:13] It's hard to know what to recommend because, you know, the DCU is sort of under new management

[16:17] now.

[16:17] You don't know where it's going quite yet to even make a recommendation.

[16:22] But I would say I like James Gunn a lot.

[16:27] Like, I liked him before he did Guardians of the Galaxy.

[16:31] You know, I liked Slither.

[16:33] I liked Tromeo and Juliet.

[16:35] You know, I enjoy his stuff.

[16:38] And I think he certainly probably has a wider range than he has shown.

[16:45] I mean, the man wrote a Scooby-Doo movie.

[16:48] Or maybe both of them.

[16:49] I'm not sure.

[16:51] And it looks like Superman shows that range.

[16:55] But I am a little nervous.

[16:56] Like, you know, for DCU, he's done Suicide Squad, Peacemaker, Creature Commandos, like, which

[17:04] are all kind of in that same vibe.

[17:08] I just, you know, I guess my resolution is make sure that the vibe shifts.

Elliott Kalan

[17:13] That the Superman vibe should not be the same as the Suicide Squad vibe.

[17:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:18] For DC, I don't know that DC's stable that well.

[17:22] But there's a character that, there's something, there's a character I really liked.

[17:27] Power Girl, I think.

[17:31] There's just something about her.

Elliott Kalan

[17:32] I wonder what it is about Power Girl that draws towards attention.

Stuart Wellington

[17:36] And obviously Lobo, all Lobo stuff.

[17:38] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[17:40] You're like, I want DC to start cranking out their hit characters.

[17:44] Lobo, Power Girl, Etrigan, Commandee.

[17:47] Man.

Stuart Wellington

[17:48] Yeah.

[17:48] Heck yeah.

[17:49] There was, yeah.

[17:50] I mean, I like, like, I'm a sucker for all the weirdo DC characters.

[17:56] I like all the weird characters.

[17:58] And I also like, who's the, oh, I like All-Star Superman.

[18:03] So if there's Superman movies like All-Star Superman, I'll be okay.

Elliott Kalan

[18:06] And that's my assumption is that it's going to be more like All-Star Superman.

[18:09] But, because that was a great book.

[18:11] But what if, what if they went the opposite way?

[18:13] What if DC, like, took the blind, took the parent, you know, protect search off, the safe search,

[18:19] and made a Joker movie that was, like, really twisted?

[18:22] Like, what if they made a Joker movie that was, like, all about how life sucks and everything's bad

[18:26] and Batman's not in it?

[18:27] And it's just super dark and grim.

[18:29] But it's a musical.

[18:30] But it's a musical, eventually.

Dan McCoy

[18:32] That makes it even twist-eder.

Elliott Kalan

[18:34] Yeah, so much twist.

[18:35] Just like that movie, Twisteders, starring Glenn Powell.

[18:39] What if, what if, imagine the, the, someone who is not a, the world's biggest Twisted Sister fan

[18:45] falls into a coma right before the movie Twister comes out.

[18:49] And they wake up right before the movie Twisters come out.

[18:51] And they assume it's about Twisted Sister.

[18:52] And they're so disappointed when they go to see it.

[18:55] Like, you can't even put them on the soundtrack.

Dan McCoy

[18:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:58] An hour in, he's like, I'm not going to take this anymore.

[19:01] Speaking of soundtracks, we didn't talk about this on our Joker part two episode.

[19:06] But it's pretty, it's pretty fucked up with all the songs.

[19:09] They didn't put the Joker by the Stephen Miller band in.

[19:11] Yes, you'd expect it to be in there.

[19:13] Well, he's not a midnight toker, you know.

[19:14] He would have, he would have crushed it, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[19:16] He would have been, yeah.

[19:17] Let's go through these a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[19:18] He tokes in the middle of the day like a twisted douche.

Elliott Kalan

[19:23] Let's do two more.

[19:24] And then I just want to mention Flop TV again.

[19:28] And then we'll do this quick because Dan has dinner plans.

Stuart Wellington

[19:31] So let's go to.

[19:33] You can hear us, Alex, you might want to edit out that tummy rumbling sound.

[19:37] That's coming from Dan's mic.

Dan McCoy

[19:40] Turn up the ball busting gain on Elliot a little higher for that.

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] I'm just worried that Dan's going to look at Stuart and Stuart's going to turn into a turkey leg.

[19:50] And I'll be like, what?

[19:52] I understand.

[19:53] Why are you licking your lips at me?

[19:54] So the Fast and the Furious franchise, what's your New Year's resolution for the Fast and the Furious franchise?

[19:59] Usually a New Year's resolution would be spend more time with my family, but they've got that covered.

[20:03] So what should they do this year?

[20:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[20:05] They got to go.

[20:06] So they've, they started off pretty small, right?

[20:10] Not in size, but like in scope.

[20:11] And then the last one they were in outer space.

[20:14] They have to go back in time.

[20:15] They've got to do a time travel one.

[20:17] I would say as much as part of me would be like different dimensions.

[20:21] I feel like that's been overdone lately.

[20:23] Yes.

[20:23] Nobody's into multiverses.

[20:25] Go back in time again.

Elliott Kalan

[20:27] That's, that's my, what I keep hearing from people when I ask them what they think is next in the series is they go,

[20:31] Vin Diesel's got to go back in time and see Paul Walker again.

[20:34] Like the, like the Don Toretto of now has to go back and see the hymn of back then and see his best friend again.

[20:40] It's got to happen.

Stuart Wellington

[20:41] You know, one of those cars goes through a fucking time tunnel, ends up on the foggy old streets of London town.

[20:47] He runs over Jack the Ripper.

Elliott Kalan

[20:50] Or I mean, this can be finally the Fast and the Furious Back to the Future.

[20:53] They call it Back to the Furious or something like that.

[20:56] Oh, sick.

Stuart Wellington

[20:56] He's like, we got a new, we got a new mechanic working in the shop and it's Doc Brown.

Elliott Kalan

[21:00] Oh, we got your, your cars.

Dan McCoy

[21:03] They got to go to 88 miles per hour.

[21:04] And he's like, yeah, we do that all the time.

[21:07] Uh, I, I feel like this one's hard because like, I feel like the things I like about Fast and the Furious.

[21:12] The foggy streets of London.

[21:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:14] Then it becomes not, the mystery of the Ripperers becomes taken over the mystery of what happens to the man who was hit by some kind of fast moving object.

[21:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[21:24] Yeah.

[21:24] I feel like the things I like about it are different than what other people like about it.

[21:28] Yeah.

[21:28] You're a cool girl.

[21:30] Other, well, I mean, no, I just don't understand.

[21:33] I don't understand the series the way that like the real fans do.

[21:36] Cause I guess they, the, the, the series hit some exact right level of goofiness for them at a certain point.

[21:44] And now that now in the most recent one, they're like too goofy.

[21:48] I'm like, this is not that much different than what's come before.

[21:52] I don't see the difference that you're seeing.

Stuart Wellington

[21:54] You're like, you saw the one with Charlize Theron with cornrows, right?

[21:58] Or whatever.

[21:58] Yeah.

[21:59] Braids.

Dan McCoy

[21:59] And also like all the stuff about family.

[22:02] I'm like, I guess this is heartfelt for like the fans.

[22:05] But for me, this seems like total, uh, tacked on nonsense.

[22:09] So I say kill half the family.

[22:11] Wow.

[22:12] There's such a, there's such a cast extension.

[22:15] So much cast creep.

[22:17] I just, I got to focus on some core members.

Stuart Wellington

[22:20] The family love to me in those movies is similar to the, the montage climax music from a Saw movie.

[22:28] And something that I'm like, this has to be here.

[22:32] This is very essential to this movie.

[22:34] Yeah.

[22:35] It doesn't, it just like, yeah, the, yeah, there's just some kind of connection that I need to have.

[22:41] Otherwise, what is, what does all, everything else matter?

[22:44] You need to have that.

Elliott Kalan

[22:45] So Stuart's newest resolution for Fast and Furious is time travel.

[22:48] Dan's is kill half the cast.

Dan McCoy

[22:50] All right.

[22:50] Or you have to kill him.

[22:51] Like send him off somewhere.

[22:52] Like split it off.

[22:53] Like have him on two different adventure tracks.

[22:55] So it's like the blue and gold teams of X-Men in the early 90s.

Stuart Wellington

[22:58] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[22:58] Or the two different Pokemon games you could buy at the same time.

[23:00] Yeah, yeah, of course.

[23:01] Sure, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[23:02] Okay, next, we're going to, we're going to go to a quick spot for Flop TV, but first the New York Mets.

[23:06] What's your, what's your New Year's resolution for the New York Mets?

[23:09] That's a franchise.

Dan McCoy

[23:10] Uh, I guess just like do it better than before.

Stuart Wellington

[23:15] Uh, they did pretty good, but they didn't do as good as Los Angeles.

[23:20] Yes, that's true.

[23:21] So maybe they should watch how Los Angeles did and maybe do that.

[23:26] Just do exactly that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:28] Okay.

[23:28] Yeah.

[23:29] You heard it here first, New York Mets.

[23:30] Do that.

[23:31] Uh, we're going to take a quick moment just to remind people about Flop TV.

[23:34] Uh, Flop TV, the last episode of the season, uh, is coming up on February 1st.

[23:41] That's right.

[23:41] February 1st, the first Saturday in February, we'll be talking about Ninja Turtles 2, Secret of the Ooze on Flop TV, the TV version of the Flophouse.

[23:49] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[23:52] Did you miss the whole season?

[23:54] Did you?

[23:54] Really?

[23:55] That's okay.

[23:56] If you get a season pass now, which is six shows for the price of five, you will get access to the videos for all those shows.

[24:02] And this was a really fun season.

[24:04] We've had a great time talking about movie sequels, doing crazy presentations, doing even crazier videos.

[24:11] This has been super fun.

[24:12] It's been a blast, a great season, season to a Flop TV.

[24:15] Go to theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[24:17] Again, that's theflophouse.simpleticks.com, where you can get season passes or, I guess, individual tickets for the individual recordings.

[24:26] Again, I don't know why you'd want to do that unless you're like, I only want to hear them talk about Highlander 2, The Quickening, and I do not want to hear them talk about other movies.

[24:33] But we hope you can join us on February 1st, the first Saturday in February, 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

[24:41] And then it'll be time to put those Flop episodes into the Flophouse vault after February.

[24:46] Those videos will be up all the way through the month of February.

[24:50] So even if you miss that program, you can still get a season pass to watch all those shows.

[24:55] But remember, February is the shortest month of the year, so you don't have as much time as in other months.

Dan McCoy

[25:00] It's a good public service announcement.

Elliott Kalan

[25:01] Yeah, thank you.

[25:02] Theflophouse.simpleticks.com.

John Hodgman

[25:09] Hey, go some John Hodgman.

S5

[25:11] At Ego, some Janet Varney.

John Hodgman

[25:12] And we're the hosts of E Pluribus Motto, a podcast dedicated to exploring the mottos of every state in the Union.

S5

[25:18] Every episode, we will spotlight one state and discuss its official symbols, the motto, flowers, birds, beverages, songs, and even official state muffins.

John Hodgman

[25:28] Plus, we'll hear from guests whose lives have been inspired by the state's iconography and from residents who call that state home.

S5

[25:35] Bring some snacks, a map, and your travel journal because this podcast is a virtual journey like no other.

[25:40] And for the Latin challenged among you and us, listen to E Pluribus Motto every other Monday on Maximum Fun.

Elliott Kalan

[25:52] Okay, back to New Year's resolutions.

[25:55] No.

[25:56] Now, another franchise that just had a new release was Lord of the Rings with their War of the Rororim.

[26:02] The Rororim?

[26:04] Stuart, what's Rororim?

[26:05] I'm going to beat your fucking ass.

[26:09] Look, I like characters and franchises with real names like Kang.

[26:13] I don't know what a Rororim is, but what should the Lord of the Rings resolve for this new year?

[26:19] Oh, damn.

[26:20] Oh, damn, dog.

Dan McCoy

[26:21] Here's what I think if you've got limited source material and you've essentially used it all by now, you got one of two paths that you can take.

[26:31] Okay.

[26:31] One is—

Elliott Kalan

[26:32] Make the most expensive television show in the history of television.

Dan McCoy

[26:35] One is, hey, maybe just stop.

[26:38] Just stop now.

[26:39] You don't got to do more.

[26:40] We got it.

[26:41] You can stop.

[26:42] Don't squeeze that orange anymore.

[26:45] All the juice is out of there.

[26:46] All right.

[26:46] Or you do something vastly different within that world that's genuinely creative and different rather than just sort of like—

Elliott Kalan

[26:55] So something like bright, you're saying, where it's like Lord of the Rings but nowadays?

Dan McCoy

[26:59] Maybe I can eat the lemon—the orange peel from that previous metaphor.

Elliott Kalan

[27:04] Now, I wonder if they could do something like—so this is something I just saw.

[27:06] So we were in Atari yesterday stocking up on clothes since we had to leave our house.

[27:12] But I saw there are toys now that are Ninja Turtles, He-Man crossover toys where it's a Ninja Turtles character merged with a He-Man character.

[27:21] And there's also like a Master of the Universe Stranger Things like double toy set.

[27:26] So should they do something like that with Lord of the Rings, Stuart, where they like mesh it with Stranger Things or Ninja Turtles or something like that?

Stuart Wellington

[27:31] I'm just thinking how badly we need Griffin Newman to wait on this.

Elliott Kalan

[27:35] Yeah, we do.

[27:36] What I would say, yeah, of course—

[27:37] For his April Orko Neal character.

[27:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:41] I feel like you're right.

[27:43] A crossover is always a good idea.

[27:44] But you know what?

[27:45] What I think they should really do—I think it's time for just a silly one, you know?

[27:49] A goofy one, you know?

[27:50] Do their own—

[27:51] All Tom Bombadil.

[27:53] Do their own space balls, but for Lord of the Rings.

Elliott Kalan

[27:57] I mean, that's kind of like the plan at one point for Jaws 3 when it was going to be Jaws 3, People Zero, and National Lampoon was going to be the ones that made it.

[28:04] That fell apart because they—I listened to a podcast, an episode of The Greatest Movies Never Made where they went through the scripts for it, and they're like, there's not a lot of shark in this parody of Jaws.

[28:15] But I would love to see a funny Lord of the Rings movie.

[28:18] I think that'd be very good.

Stuart Wellington

[28:20] One thing that—I feel like Peter Jackson has not gone back to his roots of being like a funny dude, a funny filmmaker.

[28:27] You want the Peter Jackson of bad taste and meet the feebles and so forth to do a Lord of the Rings movie.

[28:33] Yeah, Dead Alive, a.k.a. Brain Dead.

[28:35] Yeah.

[28:36] Even The Frighteners.

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] Frighteners.

[28:38] Even The Frighteners is a funny movie.

[28:39] I mean, Stuart would be mad at me.

[28:41] I think that might be my favorite Peter Jackson movie is The Frighteners, but I don't know.

[28:44] It's a real funhouse ride of a movie.

[28:47] It's pretty fun.

[28:48] It's such a bonkers movie.

[28:49] It's really fun.

[28:49] You can see John Astin as the ghost of a cowboy who has sex with a mummy.

Dan McCoy

[28:54] That's great.

[28:54] Jeffrey Combs has a bunch of scars on him.

Elliott Kalan

[28:56] Jeffrey Combs has scars all over him.

[28:57] He's all scarred up.

[28:58] Wait, his body's a roadmap of pain?

[29:00] Yeah.

[29:01] I believe so, yeah.

[29:03] So here's—in the similar to Lord of the Rings, this is another movie trilogy franchise.

[29:07] And I was wondering, what's your news resolution for the before trilogy?

[29:10] You know, before sunrise, before midnight, before sunset.

Dan McCoy

[29:13] Probably find new times of the day.

[29:16] Before lunchtime, something like that.

[29:18] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:18] I mean, I feel like—

[29:20] Before primetime?

[29:21] I feel like they could definitely, like, hang out and talk more.

[29:26] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[29:26] I mean, I feel like that was kind of the point of the last movie was they had stopped hanging

Stuart Wellington

[29:29] out and talking and it hurt their relationship.

[29:32] Yeah.

[29:33] But they did in Greece.

[29:34] I think they could go to another beautiful location and walk around and talk.

Dan McCoy

[29:39] Guys, I still haven't seen the third one, and part of it's because I don't want to see

[29:43] the mark.

[29:44] I understand that.

[29:45] That's fucking fair.

Elliott Kalan

[29:46] That's fair, but it's a great movie.

[29:47] It's really great.

[29:48] It feels really real.

[29:50] And also—

[29:50] Like, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:51] There is definitely a scene where they are, like, kind of arguing while partially clothed

[29:57] where I'm like, this is the most real shit I've ever seen.

[29:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:00] Well, it's like that scene in that Fifty Shades of Grey movie where they're arguing while

[30:02] getting dressed.

[30:03] And I'm like, yeah, this is what happens.

[30:04] You know, like, it's—

Dan McCoy

[30:05] Or shortcuts.

[30:06] Mm-hmm.

[30:06] We're shortcuts, yeah.

[30:08] Another nude argument.

Elliott Kalan

[30:09] Or in Don't Look Now, when he's brushing his teeth with no clothes on.

[30:16] Yes.

[30:17] And I'm like, yeah, that happens.

[30:18] Sometimes you're brushing your teeth with no clothes on.

[30:19] Or like in—

Dan McCoy

[30:21] And then later on, you're like, what's this on my penis?

[30:24] It's just toothpaste, Dan.

[30:25] How'd that get down there?

[30:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:27] It's a killer dwarf, Dan.

[30:32] Get off of me.

[30:35] It's just like in Snakes on a Plane, yeah.

[30:37] So let's go on to another franchise.

[30:41] This is a beloved one for Dan.

[30:42] The Muppets, Dan.

[30:43] What's your New Year's resolution for the Muppets franchise?

Dan McCoy

[30:47] Look, I've liked a couple things post-Jim Henson that the Muppets have done.

[30:55] But personally—

[30:56] If he says kill half the cast, I'm going to be pissed.

Elliott Kalan

[30:58] No, kill them.

[30:59] Well, being Bunny, sure.

[31:00] We can all do without him, but still.

[31:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[31:02] Send them to the Grey Havens or whatever, you know.

Elliott Kalan

[31:04] Oh, okay.

[31:05] You brought me back.

[31:06] Okay, now, Muppets, Lord of the Rings, that's the thing that they should make.

[31:10] Yeah.

[31:10] Honestly?

[31:11] Gonzo is Gandalf.

[31:12] Amazing.

[31:12] You know it, you know.

[31:13] Yeah, yeah.

[31:14] But is it going to be—and I guess Kermit would have to be Frodo.

Stuart Wellington

[31:19] No, Kermit's fucking Aragorn.

[31:22] Kermit is Aragorn?

[31:23] Yeah, and then you pump up Arwen's part, and that's Miss Piggy.

[31:28] Oh, because I was going to say Miss Piggy is Aragorn.

[31:30] You just do Miss Piggy as Aragorn.

[31:31] I mean, you're right.

[31:33] I'm being gender-specific, and that's stupid.

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] Sam the Eagle's Sauron.

Stuart Wellington

[31:38] Sam the Eagle would be a great Saruman?

[31:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[31:42] Oh, I guess Fozzie could be Gandalf, too, but Fozzie would be a great Sam Gamgee.

[31:45] Like, he's basically the same character.

[31:46] Yeah, no, he's a Sam.

[31:48] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:49] Yeah, Gonzo is Gandalf.

[31:50] When I fill out those quizzes that tell me what Muppet I am, they always say Fozzie.

Dan McCoy

[31:56] I'm having trouble casting Gollum, though.

Elliott Kalan

[31:59] That's the animal?

[32:01] I don't know.

[32:01] Gonzo is Gollum.

[32:03] Oh, Gonzo is Gollum.

[32:04] Yeah, actually, Gonzo should be Gollum.

[32:05] You're right.

[32:06] The Muppets quiz is always telling me that I'm Lou Zealand, and so I don't know what that means.

Dan McCoy

[32:10] Well, he throws the fish, and then they come back to him.

[32:13] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[32:13] Who would Animal be?

[32:14] Because Animal could be Gollum, too.

[32:16] Animal could also be Gollum.

[32:17] Maybe there's two Gollums.

Dan McCoy

[32:20] Wait, what if...

[32:21] Crazy idea.

[32:22] What if Animal is Aragorn?

Elliott Kalan

[32:25] That is a crazy idea.

[32:28] That is a crazy idea.

[32:28] What they call Strider, you know?

[32:31] Yeah.

[32:31] You know what?

[32:32] I think we've solved both of these franchises.

[32:35] We've got to do Muppets, Lord of the Rings.

[32:36] That would be wonderful.

[32:37] Okay, now another franchise.

[32:40] Kellogg's.

[32:40] Kellogg's characters.

[32:41] You've got Tony the Tiger, Snap, Crackle, Pop.

[32:43] I know for a fact that Kellogg's is trying to get these characters into the TV and film business.

[32:49] What would you say to Kellogg's as their news resolution?

Dan McCoy

[32:52] I mean, before I was saying with the MCU, maybe don't share universes so much, crossovers.

[32:58] But here, more crossovers.

[33:01] You know, so far they've just been restricted to their own cereal boxes for the most part.

[33:05] Yeah.

[33:05] I want to see, you know, a tiger chasing them elves around.

Elliott Kalan

[33:09] Yeah, like Snap, Crackle, Toucan Sam.

[33:11] Yeah.

[33:11] Let's do that.

Stuart Wellington

[33:13] Yeah, like normally I associate these characters with food.

[33:17] But what are their, like, hopes and dreams and shit?

[33:19] Yeah, that's true.

[33:20] Yeah, let's see their backstories.

[33:22] Yeah.

[33:22] More of like a My Dinner with Andre sort of with these characters.

[33:24] Yeah, yeah.

[33:25] Dan's just bringing up that we just recently saw Wallace Shawn in The Flesh.

[33:29] Oh, it's true.

[33:29] It was pretty cool.

[33:30] Oh, where'd you see him?

Elliott Kalan

[33:31] I've seen him in The Flesh a couple times.

[33:32] Where'd you see him?

Stuart Wellington

[33:33] So we were lucky enough to get invited to the New York Film Critics Circle Awards here in New York City.

[33:39] Not because of our criticism bona fides, but because we knew we had a friend.

[33:45] You faked it until you made it, Dan.

[33:47] Yeah.

[33:47] Our friend Matt Singer had some extra tickets and he invited us.

[33:51] I think it was because he emceed last year, so he had a very good table.

[33:55] And he was right next to this year's emcee, Mr. David Sims, who also brought along a few of his own podcasters.

[34:02] Yeah.

[34:03] So yeah, we got to see, man, let's go down the celebs we saw.

[34:07] Dan, are you excited?

[34:08] Let's see it.

[34:09] Sure, why not?

[34:09] Flop house on the red carpet, yeah.

[34:11] We were seated right next to a table with Kieran Culkin and Claire Danes.

[34:15] Right next to them were Adrian Brody and Guy Pearce.

[34:18] We got to see Wallace Shawn.

[34:19] We got to see John Turturro, Carol Kane, Mike Lee, Dan.

[34:24] Yeah, Mike Lee.

Elliott Kalan

[34:25] I'm very excited about hearing about Mike Lee and Carol Kane.

[34:27] John Turturro and Wallace Shawn are the only ones of those that I've seen in real life.

[34:31] Wallace Shawn I've seen in many restaurants and theater audiences.

[34:34] And John Turturro I've seen just walking around the street whistling to himself very loudly.

Dan McCoy

[34:39] He introduced Carol Kane and it was very sweet.

[34:42] Like he sort of helped her down from the stage afterwards and like took her hand all the way back.

[34:46] And I was like on the verge of tears just because it seemed so sweet.

Stuart Wellington

[34:50] Marianne Jean-Baptiste was there.

[34:53] She was great.

[34:54] The director and cinematographer of Nickel Boys were there.

[34:59] And the Best Picture winner was introduced by Mr. Robert Pattinson himself.

[35:06] Unfortunately not doing his Mickey 17 voice which bummed me out.

Elliott Kalan

[35:12] So let's move.

[35:13] It sounds like you guys had a great time.

[35:16] I've been having fun lately too.

[35:17] I've been doing lots of great stuff lately.

Stuart Wellington

[35:19] Yeah, yeah.

[35:20] I mean we sent you pictures and we're like wish you were here.

[35:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:23] You sent me pictures and then you kept texting me being like what?

[35:26] Why didn't you hurt these?

[35:28] What's your problem, dude?

Dan McCoy

[35:30] I actually sent Elliot a message about how bad I felt that we were living it up while he was having fun.

[35:38] You don't always have to tell me what fun stuff you're doing.

Stuart Wellington

[35:39] While I was tucking into food that was, as I would describe, very fancy P.F. Chang's,

[35:45] I was thinking Elliot would want me to live it up.

Dan McCoy

[35:49] Yeah, I would.

[35:50] I would want you both to live loss.

Stuart Wellington

[35:51] Elliot would want me to take advantage of this open bar.

[35:54] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[35:54] And thank you again to Matt Singer for being kind enough to let us crash their part.

[35:59] Yeah, Matt Singer's the best.

[36:01] He is great.

Elliott Kalan

[36:01] He's great.

[36:02] Okay, we've got two franchises left then we'll wrap up this episode.

[36:05] Okay, the first is the second biggest franchise in entertainment.

[36:09] And the last one we're going to talk about is the biggest franchise in entertainment.

[36:13] So the second biggest franchise in entertainment, Star Wars.

[36:17] What's the New Year's resolution for Star Wars?

[36:19] They've got that Skeleton Crew show.

[36:21] The Acolyte did not go the way that they thought it would and that people were not as happy with it as they hoped.

[36:27] We're rather diehard fans.

[36:28] And I don't mean fans of Die Hard.

[36:29] I mean diehard fans of Star Wars.

[36:31] Maybe fans of Die Hard weren't into it too.

[36:32] Maybe they were.

[36:33] They were like, maybe John McClane is in this one.

[36:35] Oh, he's not still.

[36:36] He's not, yeah.

[36:37] What should Star Wars do?

Stuart Wellington

[36:40] I mean, it depends.

[36:41] I feel like the fan base of Star Wars wants it to...

[36:46] Atrophy?

[36:47] Well, they would argue that they want it to grow up with them.

[36:50] And by that they mean they want to see lightsabers chopping dudes in half.

[36:53] Yeah.

[36:54] I could be wrong.

[36:57] I mean, they have a movie where that happens.

[36:59] But like, way more.

[37:00] Like constant.

[37:01] Lots of blood everywhere.

[37:02] Yeah, yeah.

[37:02] Absolute fucking mayhem.

[37:05] It's on the poster.

Elliott Kalan

[37:07] Absolute fucking mayhem.

[37:08] But it was an ad for Absolute Vodka.

[37:10] And it's just like people hitting each other over the heads with those bottles.

[37:12] It's absolute mayhem.

[37:13] Yeah.

[37:14] Do you guys remember...

[37:16] Wait.

[37:16] Do you guys remember when Absolute Vodka ads were like the coolest things in the world?

[37:20] And people were putting them on the walls of their bedrooms?

[37:23] Was this only an East Coast thing?

[37:24] Or did this happen before you guys grew up?

[37:26] Did you have Absolute Vodka in the middle of the country?

[37:29] Or was that just a sophisticated coastal thing?

Stuart Wellington

[37:32] I don't.

[37:32] No, we had it.

[37:33] The ads were in like Rolling Stone magazine.

[37:35] Yes.

[37:36] Yeah, they all had like a...

Elliott Kalan

[37:38] I remember like my cousin and my sister, like they would put these ads on the walls of their room.

[37:41] And it was like...

[37:42] I remember there was a Kurt Vonnegut one.

[37:44] And it was like, oh, he's finally cool again.

[37:46] Kurt Vonnegut.

[37:47] Because he's in this Absolute Vodka ad.

[37:49] What was that all about?

Dan McCoy

[37:51] Yeah, Dan, what was that all about?

[37:53] He probably, you know, they offered him money to do that.

[37:56] No, I mean, never mind.

Elliott Kalan

[37:57] I'm at the Absolute Vodka craze.

[37:58] Anyway, Star Wars, you're saying, Stuart, you think they should grow up and have lightsabers chopping people up?

Stuart Wellington

[38:03] I mean, I think that's what people...

[38:04] That's what the audience wants.

[38:06] So not like Skeleton Crew, which is the exact opposite, which is being a kid's version.

[38:10] Yeah, I mean, I thought people wanted The Last Jedi, but I was very wrong.

Dan McCoy

[38:16] Yeah, you can't have nice things.

[38:17] Look, if it was just me, again, it would be sort of like, well, do we have to keep doing this?

[38:25] Would it be my resolution?

[38:27] Like, look, you've somehow managed to take a movie franchise that was, at one point in my life, like, the most important entertainment thing, maybe, to me.

[38:39] Like, the thing that just blew my mind and expanded my world, and I loved it.

[38:46] Now it's hard to get to Hawaii.

[38:48] Yeah.

[38:49] Now I'm in the Sedaris first.

[38:52] No, but now...

Stuart Wellington

[38:53] Not the David Sedaris or Amy Sedaris first.

[38:55] Do I need...

[38:56] Although they have opinions, I'd imagine.

Dan McCoy

[38:59] Do I need more of this?

[39:01] Like, the only thing I've enjoyed was, what, the Andor thing.

[39:04] And I...

[39:05] That's the name of the show, The Andor Thing.

[39:07] The Andor Thing.

[39:08] And I think, I mean, like, if we're not going to be that negative about it, I would say Andor does something that these other things haven't as effectively done, which is find something within that storytelling that I haven't seen, which is, like...

[39:23] Stemlin's Garsgard?

[39:24] What is, like...

[39:26] Let's take the idea of a political rebellion seriously, like, on the ground level.

[39:33] Like, what does this look like in this universe?

[39:36] So, I would like even further out-of-the-box new things to happen in that world.

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] You want to finally understand how the Trade Federation handled trade.

Dan McCoy

[39:46] Well, I just don't...

[39:48] I don't, you know, like...

[39:49] I don't need to have every minor character get their own series because we know them already.

[39:56] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[39:57] A whole movie...

[39:58] It is funny that you...

[39:59] The one you held up was Andor, which is a minor character from one of the movies.

[40:05] Yeah, yeah.

[40:05] Spinoffs, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[40:06] But it's a minor character from, like, a new spinoff.

[40:08] It's not like, okay, well, you know, everyone loves the Clone War cartoon, so what we have to do is go to that rather than...

[40:19] There are whole movies where new characters are introduced to us, and we're not like, this isn't someone I know before.

[40:26] I've never seen any.

Elliott Kalan

[40:27] Well, you say that, Dan, but what about this?

[40:28] What if my solution was Muppet Star Wars?

[40:32] Kermit is Luke Skywalker.

[40:33] Miss Piggy is probably Princess Leia.

[40:35] Fozzie is Chewbacca.

[40:37] Gonzo is Darth Vader.

[40:38] Wait, wait.

[40:38] I feel like this has happened already.

[40:39] Oh, yeah, Fozzie is Chewbacca.

[40:40] Yeah.

[40:40] No, I'm glad we have seen pictures.

[40:41] Okay, okay, Fozzie is Lando Calrissian.

[40:42] What are you talking about, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[40:43] No, no, no, no.

[40:44] I didn't.

[40:45] I thought you were talking about someone else for a second.

Elliott Kalan

[40:47] Which of the two, Fozzie or Chewbacca?

[40:49] Who do you think I was talking about some of the others?

[40:52] Well, guys, we talked about Star Wars.

[40:54] That's the biggest franchise in entertainment.

[40:55] Time to talk.

[40:56] Oh, the second biggest franchise in entertainment.

[40:57] Time to talk about the biggest franchise in entertainment.

[41:01] Yes.

[41:01] What do they do next?

[41:02] You know the one I'm talking about.

[41:03] That's right.

[41:04] Let's say it all together.

[41:05] Property Brothers.

[41:06] What did the Property Brothers do in 2025?

[41:09] Biggest franchise in entertainment.

[41:10] Probably a property.

Dan McCoy

[41:14] All I know is like, is one of them still with Zooey Deschanel?

[41:19] Elliot, you're really up on.

Stuart Wellington

[41:22] And Celebrity Goss.

[41:23] Yeah, I believe so.

Elliott Kalan

[41:25] But that's kind of the past and it's happened already.

[41:27] So the resolution can't be marry Zooey Deschanel.

[41:29] Because I think that happened already.

[41:32] Zooey Deschanel is not a real person.

[41:34] But they could try to make that happen.

Dan McCoy

[41:37] So they're brothers and they do something with property?

Elliott Kalan

[41:40] Dan, this is probably the biggest show on television.

[41:44] I don't.

Dan McCoy

[41:45] Anything that has to do with real estate in entertainment.

[41:48] I'm like, this stresses me out in life.

[41:50] Like, I don't own any real estate.

[41:53] But the mere idea of looking at listings whenever we have to move is the worst thing in the world to me.

[42:00] So I don't like seeing real estate-based.

[42:00] So once again, Dan's resolution is stop doing the thing that you're doing.

Elliott Kalan

[42:03] Stop it.

Dan McCoy

[42:04] Just stop it.

[42:05] Well, no.

[42:05] Just don't show it to me.

[42:06] Other people can enjoy it.

[42:07] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[42:08] And this is not –

Stuart Wellington

[42:10] You just don't want to put your thumb on the scale of a thing you don't give a shit about.

[42:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[42:14] Okay.

[42:15] Well, so I think we've got a lot of good options for everybody.

[42:17] Dan's go-to of don't do this stuff anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[42:20] Kill half the cast.

[42:21] I'm like, but there's only two brothers.

Elliott Kalan

[42:24] It's not Property Brothers if there's just one of them.

[42:26] It's just Property Guy.

[42:29] Bro.

[42:29] Property Bro.

[42:31] I mean, although the brothers, I don't know how well they get along.

[42:34] Every time I see the show, it always seems like – I used to watch it sometimes because I thought it was funny that they seemed to very arbitrarily pick that one wears a suit and one wears kind of like construction clothes.

[42:43] And it seemed at a certain point that just as professional wrestlers would come to really dislike each other when the storyline says that they have to, like they'll come to feel that, it felt like the Property Brothers at a certain point did have that divide of like, well, you don't understand.

[42:56] You don't work with your hands.

[42:57] Well, I'm the one running this business.

[42:59] Anyway, but I think the other solution –

[43:01] A lot like the Flop House, honestly.

[43:03] Yeah, Stuart's had a lot of nuanced solutions.

[43:05] But I think, honestly, the best solution we've come up with, the best resolution – and you can't spell resolution without solution.

[43:10] It's literally the re-solutioning of something.

[43:13] Throw the Muppets in stuff.

[43:15] Yeah, I think so.

[43:16] Muppet Fast and the Furious?

[43:18] Yes, please.

[43:19] If the internet is in agreement with us on anything, it's that.

[43:23] Why isn't the MCU the Muppet Cinematic Universe?

[43:25] Thank you.

[43:26] Come on.

[43:27] Why not?

Dan McCoy

[43:28] Because it really hasn't been a very successful franchise since the death of Henson.

[43:33] Oh, all right.

[43:34] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[43:34] Oh.

[43:35] Other than the one time.

[43:37] And guys, I guess we should go.

[43:39] I just want to see also – there's just one other media figure who I feel like dominates the media landscape.

[43:45] This is an individual person, not a franchise.

[43:47] And I just wondered, do you have a New Year's resolution for them?

[43:50] Someone who I feel like you can't talk about the modern media landscape without basically this person being the center.

Stuart Wellington

[43:55] I'm feeling a rug pull here coming up.

Elliott Kalan

[43:58] As I keep winding it up and building up this person.

Stuart Wellington

[44:00] I'm like slowly, tentatively stepping out on the ice, willing to trust again.

[44:04] Sitting off that rug.

Elliott Kalan

[44:05] And so we're all saying it.

[44:07] Flow from Progressive.

[44:08] What does she do in 2025?

Dan McCoy

[44:11] That's a good question, Dan.

[44:12] How do you feel about Flow from Progressive?

[44:13] Probably like the internet should get like even hornier for Flow.

Elliott Kalan

[44:17] I mean, that's the internet's resolution.

[44:19] That's not really for Flow to do.

[44:20] Yeah, that's true.

[44:20] I mean, Flow should keep giving them stuff to feel about.

[44:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:23] I would say –

[44:24] Or nothing.

[44:25] Because apparently it doesn't really take anything.

[44:27] It's just Flow being Flow.

Stuart Wellington

[44:28] I would say branch off into kind of like a cool hip-hop career.

Dan McCoy

[44:33] Okay, cool.

[44:34] Yeah, all right.

[44:35] Left turn, but sure, I'm all for it.

Stuart Wellington

[44:37] Yeah, I feel like it's time for her to really take the voice that she has and add, you know, a little bit of extra spice.

Elliott Kalan

[44:45] Sounds good.

[44:46] Okay, well, you heard it here first, 2025.

[44:48] We know you've got a lot of bad stuff in store for us.

[44:50] But you know what?

[44:51] You could also give us some good stuff.

[44:53] More Muppets.

[44:54] Kill half the characters in pretty much any franchise.

[44:57] And also, Flow, get hip-hopping, I guess.

[45:01] Yeah, that's the term.

[45:02] Thanks for joining me on this little journey through what people should be doing this year.

[45:07] I am, of course, Elliot Kalin, joined by Dan McCoy and Stuart Wellington.

[45:11] I'd like to tell you real quick that we are a podcast on the Maximum Fun Network.

[45:14] Please check out the other Maximum Fun podcasts.

[45:16] There's a lot of great ones on there, and I think you'll like them.

[45:19] If you like this one, you'll probably like them.

[45:20] If you didn't like this one, try another episode.

[45:23] This one's out of the ordinary.

[45:25] I'd like to thank our producer, Alex Smith.

[45:27] You can find him online performing music under the name Howell Doughty.

[45:31] If you'd like to give us a review, a positive review, I hope, on one of your podcast apps, that would be wonderful.

[45:38] Or maybe just tell somebody about the Flophouse if you liked it.

[45:40] Help us spread the word.

[45:41] You know?

[45:41] It's been great.

[45:42] And as I said before, if you can find it in your budget to help out those who've been affected by the fires in my hometown of Los Angeles, I would greatly appreciate it.

[45:51] There's a lot of people in need, and you can help change things and make things better for them.

[45:57] Even if it's just a little bit of money at a time, every little bit helps.

[45:59] For the Flophouse, again, I have been Elliot Kalin, and my resolution is to give more credit and more talking time to my co-hosts.

[46:07] Dan McCoy.

Dan McCoy

[46:08] Stuart Wellington.

[46:10] All right, that's enough talking time.

[46:12] Bye.

[46:13] Bye.

[46:19] Maximum Fun.

Elliott Kalan

[46:20] A worker-owned network.

Dan McCoy

[46:22] Of artist-owned shows.

[46:23] Supported.

[46:24] Directly.

[46:25] By you.

FH Mini #121 - Hi, Resolutions!

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