Ep.#443 - Harold and the Purple Crayon

[0:00] Hi, floppers, before we start this episode,

[0:02] I just wanted to remind you,

[0:03] we are in the middle of Flop TV season two.

[0:06] That's right, the one hour internet televised

[0:08] Flophouse TV show is here for you

[0:11] the first Saturday of every month through February.

[0:14] Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com

[0:17] and get your tickets or season pass

[0:19] for this all new Flophouse TV stuff.

[0:22] We're covering movies we've never covered before.

[0:24] We've got video segments, it's amazing.

[0:27] Just go to theflophouse.simpletics.com

[0:29] for Flop TV season two.

[0:31] This time it's personal.

[0:34] On this episode, we discuss Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[0:38] Now I haven't watched Harold and the Yellow Crayon.

[0:41] Am I gonna be able to understand the sequel?

[0:43] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:07] I'm Dan McCoy.

[1:08] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:10] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:12] I'm surprised, yeah.

[1:15] I feel like we should leave the whole YouTube

[1:18] crazy face algorithm booster thing

[1:20] and just be as silly as possible.

[1:22] It's like boo, bee, goo.

[1:25] I do like, I don't know, I gotta point out

[1:26] for all the listeners watching at home,

[1:28] Dan McCoy's wearing a purple shirt.

[1:30] That's true, I didn't even realize it was themed.

[1:33] Hell yeah, I love it.

[1:34] It's like when I don't watch the fucking ending.

[1:37] You just love this movie so much.

[1:39] What, did you miss something this time around?

[1:40] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:43] Spoiler alert, probably.

[1:45] Zachary Levy was here, is what the back of his shirt says.

[1:49] Did I pronounce his last name right?

[1:51] If I'm gonna talk mad shit about this dude,

[1:53] I should learn his last name pronunciation.

[1:57] Yeah, I think it's, I think it's,

[2:00] actually, I don't know if it's Levy or Levi.

[2:03] It's his middle name, not his original last name,

[2:06] but his middle name, but.

[2:08] Well, this is a lot of great trivia, right?

[2:11] Yeah, we're just goofing.

[2:12] Top of the cast.

[2:13] We watched a movie called Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[2:16] Let me say, let me back up a little bit.

[2:19] In this podcast, First Principles,

[2:22] we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[2:24] How do we say what's a bad movie?

[2:26] It's generally we get like a critical

[2:28] or you know, what the commercial critical consensus,

[2:31] people saying, people talking, word on the street,

[2:33] you know.

[2:34] A flop in somebody's USA.

[2:36] I don't know much here, but give me some tips.

[2:39] Yeah, yeah, hey, Reggie Shiny,

[2:42] do you hear about any bad movies lately?

[2:44] Yeah, I don't know.

[2:46] Perhaps I did, perhaps I didn't.

[2:48] How about this?

[2:49] How about $10?

[2:50] Yeah, yeah, I did hear about a bad movie.

[2:53] There's something on Netflix.

[2:54] Something with Harold on Netflix.

[2:56] Harold and Maud, Harold and something,

[2:58] but I'm gonna need another five.

[3:00] I don't know how much it would be

[3:01] to find out the rest of the title.

[3:04] Here's $5.

[3:04] Harold and the Poyple, oh, Poyple, what?

[3:07] Oh, I see, you know, my pocket is empty.

[3:09] I don't know.

[3:10] I think I've got enough for the end of the sentence.

[3:12] I think I've got enough for the search function

[3:14] to complete it for me.

[3:14] That's okay.

[3:15] I think Google will autofill this.

[3:16] Oh, rats.

[3:17] Well, thanks for supporting me a little bit anyway,

[3:20] you know, with AI search functions.

[3:22] How many people go to their local shoeshine boy

[3:24] to find information?

[3:27] Yeah, so, you know, but most of the time-

[3:29] Harold and the Purple Tumescent.

[3:30] Uh-oh.

[3:31] This is the wrong autofill.

[3:32] Delete, delete.

[3:33] Oh no.

[3:35] Tumescent.

[3:36] Yeah, even Elliot's Google is annoying.

[3:39] Yeah.

[3:40] Is Tumescent ever used outside of erotica?

[3:43] No, I don't think so.

[3:44] I don't think so.

[3:45] But if you're like, I'll just check it.

[3:46] Harold and the Purple Feet, Harold and the Purple Married,

[3:49] Harold and the Purple Net Worth.

[3:51] Net Worth, yeah, hype.

[3:53] Yeah, but 90% of the time we go in blind,

[3:56] so sometimes we're surprised by like a movie.

[3:58] You mean 99%, it's invisible?

[3:59] Yeah, yeah.

[4:01] But this was one that got a lot,

[4:04] a lot of bad word around it.

[4:07] It's based, of course, on the book of the same name.

[4:11] 64-page book, huh?

[4:13] Stretching it out, what is this?

[4:14] Did Peter Jackson make this?

[4:17] Just kidding, I would never make fun of Peter Jackson.

[4:19] You never would, never.

[4:20] Or his brother, Michael Jackson.

[4:22] Now, here's, let me, let me just talk about,

[4:25] let me just talk, or their father, Andrew Jackson.

[4:28] You love them all.

[4:29] Let me just talk about my history

[4:31] with Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[4:32] I'm curious about your history with it.

[4:33] I am my, I'm married to a children's librarian.

[4:36] I have two children.

[4:37] We read a lot of books.

[4:38] This is a particularly special book.

[4:39] There's a few books, this Extra Yarn,

[4:42] Where the Wild Things Are, a few children's books

[4:45] that are particularly, Ulysses, the James Joyce one,

[4:47] and also The Odyssey, some children's books

[4:51] that are particularly special to us.

[4:53] And I, so when I heard they were making a movie of this,

[4:55] I was like, oh, it's such a simple, straightforward story.

[4:59] There's not a lot of plot.

[5:00] There's not a lot of characters.

[5:01] It's literally just about what you can do

[5:03] with visually, imaginatively,

[5:05] with drawing on a two-dimensional surface.

[5:07] Like, they better not make a movie where like,

[5:09] it's like, we've got to get the Purple Crayon

[5:11] out of the bad guy's clutches.

[5:13] And then that's exactly what they did.

[5:15] So I'm, so even going into this,

[5:16] I was not gonna give this movie the benefit of the doubt.

[5:18] So that's on me.

[5:19] That's on me as the critical eye, you know.

[5:21] I came in with that image.

[5:23] Worse with it than like just that,

[5:25] like if it was like, I don't like that idea,

[5:29] but if it was just that

[5:30] and it sort of still stayed within the world of Harold,

[5:32] but it was like, even more cookie cutter,

[5:36] like we got to just turn this into every sort of other movie

[5:39] where it's like, yeah, let's make him a real human

[5:42] in the real world, but with his crayon things.

[5:44] And he grew up, that's what you want to see, right?

[5:46] In this book about a child's imagination

[5:48] and discovering the power of imagination and art.

[5:51] And I'm like, what?

[5:53] What if he's old enough that he could conceivably

[5:55] have a romantic subplot with a single mom?

[5:57] You know what?

[5:58] That's too much.

[5:59] Let's pull back on that.

[6:00] But yeah, you say, yeah, that they decided to be it,

[6:05] you know, that's unnecessary.

[6:05] What if there was like a scene where like,

[6:07] she has to teach him how to use his wiener?

[6:09] Honestly, I feared that this would be,

[6:14] you know, forthcoming when, you know,

[6:16] this is like the male version of born sexy yesterday,

[6:20] born unsexy yesterday,

[6:22] like just kind of a man-child goofball.

[6:25] It's kind of like the Jason Bourne stories, right?

[6:29] Yeah, yeah, exactly like that.

[6:30] So I will apologize going in.

[6:32] I was going in ready to dislike this movie.

[6:34] High bar for the movie to clear.

[6:36] But you know what, guys?

[6:37] They did it.

[6:38] What a wonderful, what a wonderful masterpiece.

[6:41] A magical work of cinema.

[6:42] Yeah, I mean, I gotta say,

[6:45] I also had a little bit of a chip on my shoulder

[6:48] because the lead is an actor I don't particularly care for,

[6:52] nor do I care for his personal views on the world.

[6:55] But he does a great job in this.

[6:56] It's not at all like it's a one-note performance

[6:59] of annoying forced positivity, right?

[7:01] Yes, like somebody who is in a,

[7:04] like a theater camp performance of Elf, the musical.

[7:07] Well, that's the thing.

[7:08] People have pointed out,

[7:09] they are both playing into their previous strengths,

[7:13] like Shazam, you know, Boy Man for Zachary,

[7:18] and like for Zoe, the double Zs,

[7:20] they call them ZZ Tops on set, top of the call sheet.

[7:25] She was the Elf love interest,

[7:27] so she's had to deal with this shit before.

[7:30] So, weird.

[7:31] She's in the movie Elf.

[7:32] I feel like I've only seen it once.

[7:34] No, she's the-

[7:35] She's on the shelf.

[7:36] The romantic interest-

[7:37] That makes a lot of sense.

[7:38] Here, at least-

[7:39] He keeps her on the shelf just to keep his options open.

[7:41] Yeah.

[7:42] Doesn't have to pretend to be a duck.

[7:43] Something I don't wanna harp on too much,

[7:45] because I feel like it's unfair.

[7:46] I don't know what the budget was.

[7:49] Apparently, according to Wikipedia, it's $40 million,

[7:51] which seems like a lot for this movie,

[7:53] but there are special effects in it,

[7:55] but I will say that, overall, it looks very,

[7:58] it looks and sounds very cheap.

[8:00] I don't know, there's like a feeling you get

[8:02] sometimes when you're watching a low-budget movie

[8:04] where the camera moves look like real movie camera moves,

[8:07] there's real movie actors in it,

[8:08] but everything feels kind of like TV movie,

[8:11] and I don't know if you guys felt that way

[8:12] while you were watching it.

[8:16] I can see, where the cheapness came out for me

[8:19] was that he's got this magical purple crayon,

[8:22] but mostly, until the end, he just makes like,

[8:26] kind of like, oh, a skateboard or a bicycle,

[8:30] or stuff like that, very basic stuff.

[8:33] I'm like, wow.

[8:33] I've never seen all that shit before.

[8:35] Yeah.

[8:35] You get a 3D printer, it's basically the same thing.

[8:38] I just, that was the stuff where it's like,

[8:40] you can make anything, but you're not,

[8:42] and that feels, like the actual look of the movie,

[8:46] it just seemed like bright family movie style to me,

[8:48] and this guy came out of animation, the director,

[8:50] I looked him up, did Ice Age and stuff,

[8:52] so I think there are occasional places

[8:54] where he has a way with a sight guide.

[8:55] I see, so he's got some bona fides.

[8:58] Yeah, yeah.

[9:01] Somebody should really market a 3D printer

[9:04] called the Purple Crayon, I feel like.

[9:05] They should, but everything that comes out is purple, yeah.

[9:08] Yeah, that's fine.

[9:09] Maybe that's the color of resin they use, or whatever.

[9:11] It's the 3D printer that Prince would have used, yeah.

[9:14] I did get the feeling, like you're saying, Dan,

[9:17] it's like, this thing can draw anything.

[9:19] They do draw a couple creatures,

[9:21] but it is mostly like, here's a car,

[9:23] here's a hot air balloon, here's a plane.

[9:25] I did get the feeling kind of like with,

[9:27] way years ago, we watched Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium,

[9:30] where they were like, enter my magical world of whimsy.

[9:33] We're gonna jump on the mattresses at the mattress store,

[9:36] and it was like, really?

[9:37] This is the biggest joy and delight yet.

[9:39] That's how whimsical you can be.

[9:41] Jumping on mattresses.

[9:41] That's the top whimsical thing,

[9:44] is to ruin the mattress.

[9:46] So I'm gonna do the summary for today,

[9:48] so let me talk you through what happens

[9:49] in Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[9:51] We start with an animated opening.

[9:53] It really feels like they're adapting the book, kind of.

[9:57] I'm gonna stop you right there.

[9:59] Is this what the?

[10:00] in the because I'm not exactly because I'm not like a little kid it's like a slicker more movie

[10:06] animation version of the art and it evokes it but it's 20% less charming than the actual book

[10:11] got it okay i also wanted to stop you here though ellie to ask you did you did you treasure these

[10:17] early moments with child herald animated knowing that it was the closest to actual magic this movie

[10:22] was going to provide you i you know i you would think so similar to joker too no because it just

[10:27] reminded me like oh this book is is genuinely magical and they've already kind of slicked it

[10:32] up the moment when they they in my notes they really de-poeticize it like the book is very

[10:37] spare it's very straightforward but it's like he made some friends a moose and a porcupine and they

[10:42] went everywhere together it's like in the book the moose and the porcupine appear on one page

[10:46] he made a bunch of pie he didn't want to feed he couldn't eat it all so he makes a he makes

[10:52] a hungry moose and a deserving porcupine which i always thought was such a funny like and those

[10:57] and just in doing that the characters have more personality than they really get written in this

[11:02] in this movie but uh that they it showed i started thinking about like yeah you're adapting a book

[11:07] that's really thin when it comes to story and characters so every character everything that

[11:11] happens in it they've got to make into a into a bigger deal like these this moose and porcupine

[11:16] that appear on one page they're now his best friends they do everything with him and they

[11:20] have their and they have their wires cracking personalities uh he the movie kind of pretends

[11:25] to end uh where like he goes to bed and blueprints end and then it reveals no no that's not the end

[11:30] of the story because harold's kept growing up which implies an eventual future where harold

[11:36] is a decrepit old man with dementia who's making horrifying things with his crayon or like he can't

[11:42] draw well anymore and so just half living crippled things that are like destroy me erase me finger

[11:48] twisted from arthritis exactly desperately trying to uh draw new body parts for himself as he ages

[11:56] it sounds like a horrible movie that's gonna be made once this goes to the public

[12:01] horror and the purple crayon yeah i'm more crayon than man now

[12:06] we get a little bit of gravitas because there's a narrator and that narrator

[12:10] none other than sir alfred molina i don't know he's technically sir alfred oh he played dr octopus

[12:17] he's a sir to me dude you gotta say dr alfred molina which he's also not but

[12:22] uh but the the thing is okay so we see uh uh that uh harold grew up now he does extreme

[12:29] stuff like skydive and make roller coasters or whatever but uh and different animation style

[12:34] and i would say worse far far uglier even before we enter the real world you get a taste of how

[12:41] the whimsy the book will be drained entirely the purity of crockett johnson's work is being is

[12:47] being uh you know yeah drained and stripped but they're like crockett johnson what if that moose

[12:52] had like a little beard can we get a little beard well you know what the thing is this

[12:57] moose needs some more ratitude uh he doesn't have enough ratatouille this porcupine doesn't have

[13:01] enough attitude how long do porcupines live because wouldn't that porcup the original

[13:05] porcupine be long dead if he oh he's always replacing the porcupines yeah so there's a

[13:10] narrator talking about how he grew up and he drew the world around him and the narrator can talk to

[13:15] harold and harold is like a narrator's like well i'm in the real world uh i created you so harold

[13:21] wants to see the real world and there is like that's impossible but then there's some gravitas

[13:24] like you said the next morning the narrator is silent what happened to him he's gone harold

[13:30] search for the narrator man's search for god in a meaningless world this is where we are right now

[13:35] so harold he says i'm gonna have to draw a door to the real world he becomes his own god yes he

[13:41] says no gods no masters i have the power like prometheus he holds the fire of creation in his

[13:47] hand now the movie glosses over the actual details but i believe crockett johnson died in the 70s so

[13:53] does time i assume move differently in in 100 world and then have you ever seen inception

[14:00] it's like that yeah considering we go to like a uh we go to like the crockett johnson house

[14:07] and yeah the only thing it's about is harold and the purple crayon and like he did other stuff like

[14:11] this is i don't believe this is the real historic is that him too yeah he did barnaby the scrivener

[14:21] uh he did the carrot seed he did yeah he did a lot i mean he did barnaby he did a lot of

[14:26] different types of artwork you know um but he but anyway but the idea that he was a one-hit

[14:31] wonder with harold and the purple crayon no way dude no way but anyway well that museum knows

[14:35] what pays its bills yeah but yes that's true but yeah perhaps that yeah the peanuts museum doesn't

[14:40] have a lot of uh stuff from you know you know you know that fucking uh gift shop is always running

[14:47] out of purple crayons and they have to keep buying the fucking multi-packs they aren't like here's

[14:51] the here's the schultz museum is like here's the big spike wing what's all about it's all about the

[14:59] so you're saying stewart that they sell they buy a full pack of crayons throw the rest away

[15:03] and then resell the purple i mean they try to resell they try to sell them at a deep discount

[15:07] but nobody nobody wants that shit they're there for the purple crayons but you're right time works

[15:12] differently because he narrator disappears maybe he spends 50 years looking for the narrator until

[15:18] he finally comes to our world who knows anyway yeah testing the limits of his universe he draws

[15:22] the door to the real world now he's live action uh the moose uh accidentally follows and when he

[15:27] shows up he's a human being and why are they reasons unexplained other than i assume again

[15:33] budget yes and they appear in a in a public park and boy are they confused by the real world

[15:39] instant fish out of water comedy they don't understand anything this is what i wanted to ask

[15:44] this is the problem that i often have in these movies i think you've talked about it too elliot

[15:48] where it's like okay what do you understand what don't you understand yes because it seems like

[15:54] he's a total knife when he shows up he doesn't know anything and then like he does seem to

[16:00] understand how various things in the world work later on including using like modern slang and

[16:06] i don't know it's uh it's always confusing to me where the line is drawn yeah no and this and very

[16:12] the line being drawn is a big aspect of this movie because his purple crayon still works in

[16:17] the real world he can still draw things and they come to life also porcupine comes through and

[16:21] she's kind of like a british punk lady for some reason yeah because she's well because she's a

[16:25] porcupine who's drawn purple she has spiky purple hair now which what leads me to ask is it okay

[16:32] that i have a crush on a porcupine guys is that fine yeah no that's totally fine as long as you

[16:36] don't act on it that's fine but this it shows i feel like it shows the again the lack of imagination

[16:41] in the movie that it's like this white guy needs some sidekicks he's gonna have a wisecracking black

[16:46] guy and a british lady those are the two kinds of funny characters that appear in mainstream american

[16:51] comedies you know and it's and that's uh little ray rel howley yes how are you how are you who i

[16:57] like always fun always fun yeah yeah he's he's not someone i i'm not unhappy to see him i mean he he

[17:02] gets out of this movie as unscathed as anyone can especially considering the dumb stuff you have to

[17:07] work with i feel like i feel like little harry and jermaine clement get out of this movie pretty well

[17:12] yeah i think they both get it and everybody else with varying degrees the kid performer is fine

[17:18] you know uh you're not gonna you're not gonna roast a kid i'm not gonna roast a kid and eat

[17:23] them surely not elliot elliot you monster what are you doing my family crashed on a deserted

[17:27] island that we had to we drew straws my son lost we're eating him yeah draw straws why don't you

[17:33] just draw some food to eat elliot that's a good point why don't i use my purple crayon to just

[17:39] draw some straws so he could pick who he would eat i drew them i knew which one was the shortest i

[17:44] didn't take it uh so uh i abandoned my boy i abandoned my boy i'll give me the blood i abandoned

[17:53] my boy it's called uh that's called there will be purple crayon uh so uh we also meet hey guys

[18:00] what kind of what kind of character have we not seen in one of these movies before perhaps

[18:04] a put upon widowed single mother have we ever seen one of those in a kid's movie like this before

[18:09] whose life is going to be turned upside down by this innocent uh i don't think we've seen it

[18:14] so we meet zoe de chanel she's a put upon widow her name is terry she has a son named mel which i

[18:19] thought was just a funny name for them to give to a kid yeah yeah sure uh melbert and he has

[18:26] he even next to you he's actually short for melina because he's named after alfred melina yeah yeah

[18:32] yeah yeah melina his favorite character in mortal kombat i think wait is she the purple one i think

[18:40] she's the purple one yeah within wheels what a rich i also want to point out that he has uh this

[18:46] young lad uh has an if yes that stands for imaginary friend oh yeah if is probably a movie that

[18:52] zachary uh levi is uh jealous of and wishes he was in yeah or had made yeah uh he does have an

[19:00] imaginary friend named carl and if as you say uh and they almost hit harold and moose with their car

[19:06] and their tire pops and this and mel the son sees harold draw a spare tire into reality with

[19:13] his purple crayon the imagination to draw a tire yeah to draw draw the sun guilts the mom into

[19:19] letting harold and moose stay in their garage storage room as far as she knows they are two

[19:24] madmen that they have picked up in the park that her son is suddenly taken away

[19:29] can stay in me a single defenseless widow the idea that the idea that you and dan are walking

[19:36] down the street and a car almost hits you and this and the kid goes hey they should stay at our

[19:41] house but we're dressed in like fun outfits right yeah but you're also dan is in a big purple

[19:46] jumpsuit and stewart you're in a sweater with moose things on it and you keep saying i'm a

[19:50] moose i'm a yeah and i'm unnervingly childlike well how's that different dan for me i hope i'm

[19:58] nervingly childlike most of the

[20:00] The one thing I wanted to say about this, Alex, since you...

[20:02] Sorry, my note, just to say, my note is Harold and Moose seem either high or crazy.

[20:05] Yeah.

[20:06] But Dan, what were you going to say?

[20:07] Well, since you bring it up, like, this is the thing about this movie.

[20:10] All the characters who are painted as if, like, oh, you know, like, the world is too cynical.

[20:17] Like, they can't, you know, handle this, the sweetness, these dreamers.

[20:21] What happened to their imagination?

[20:22] Yeah.

[20:23] They need to get their imagination back.

[20:24] All through the movie, I'm like, these supposedly cynical characters are treating these characters

[20:29] with a level of patience and forbearance that I would—

[20:33] Yes.

[20:34] Could only hope to achieve.

[20:36] Like, they are so nice.

[20:38] I'm like, these are totally reasonable reactions to these characters at all times.

[20:42] Here's something I will say, considering this is a movie that—the Harold and the Purple Crayon adaptation

[20:47] that ends in a fight between a dragon and a wizard shooting blasts of force out of his hands,

[20:52] is that it is a pretty gentle movie.

[20:54] I feel like for a movie that, like, grows up the character and tries to make it more cool,

[20:58] they do not have a scene where, like, Harold is thrown in—well, they do have a scene where he's thrown in jail.

[21:03] He is thrown in jail.

[21:05] But it's like not a—I could see a different movie where he gets thrown in jail

[21:08] and the other people in jail are threatening him or something like that.

[21:10] Yeah.

[21:11] Like, the characters are always in a pretty low level of danger, which I think is okay.

[21:16] It's not like when he's in jail and he gets the Purple Crayon back to break out,

[21:20] he uses the Purple Crayon to, like, draw a gun or something.

[21:23] Yes.

[21:24] It changes the stakes and the path of their lives forever.

[21:28] Even the bad guy who gets to hold the Purple Crayon, like, he's kind of a silly bad—

[21:33] so I will say the movie gets points for me for being gentle, you know, not being too intense.

[21:38] It's—I don't think it's doing a great job, but it's a gentle job.

[21:42] And on that specific note, you know, like, no one draws, like, a weapon that is anything but silly.

[21:47] Like, there's like a big, like, fantasy thing that you can't take seriously

[21:52] in the context of Jermaine Clinton patting it.

[21:54] Yeah, he does, like, a dwarven axe.

[21:57] Yeah.

[21:58] That's probably the most menacing anything ever gets.

[22:00] Yeah.

[22:01] So there is a lack of—I think at the very least—

[22:03] What's the most menacing they could have done?

[22:05] Like, a chainsaw or a Morningstar?

[22:07] I mean, the one thing that does disturb me, and we're about to get there, so maybe I'm jumping ahead,

[22:11] but when he, like, the kid creates this, like, spider fly that is apparently poisonous

[22:16] and is just loosed upon the world.

[22:18] Yeah, and it doesn't matter.

[22:19] It's all ours forever.

[22:20] Forever, yeah.

[22:21] A little bit, but—

[22:22] But I think the—at least this movie feels like a kid's movie, which I do appreciate.

[22:25] I don't think it's—I don't think it's very good, but it's not trying to, like—

[22:29] Harold and the Purple Crayon is finally, like, extreme for adults.

[22:32] Finally for adults.

[22:33] Yeah.

[22:34] I want to see Darth Vader chop dudes' heads off.

[22:36] And there's no joke about, like—I would—this would have—I would have gotten so mad if there—

[22:41] later on, the crayon gets broken, and the good guy and the bad guy both have halves.

[22:44] If there was a joke about, like, my piece is bigger than yours or something like that.

[22:47] There wasn't.

[22:48] There wasn't a joke like that?

[22:49] There wasn't literally a joke like that, yeah.

[22:50] Oh, I missed it then.

[22:51] I missed it.

[22:52] Well, yeah.

[22:53] The movie, you lost me.

[22:54] Forget it.

[22:55] I was—I was—I did—I must have missed that while I was not paying attention too closely.

[22:59] So anyway, we learn that Terry, the mom, she used to be a musician,

[23:02] but she put those dreams aside.

[23:03] She works in a store now.

[23:05] That night, Harold bonds with Mel.

[23:07] Mel introduces the concept of dead dads to Harold.

[23:11] Yeah.

[23:12] And Harold shows him the Purple Crayon, and Mel makes this poisonous spider fly creature,

[23:17] which is the most dangerous thing in the movie but is considered just a comic relief joke.

[23:21] Yeah.

[23:22] Porcupine is trying to follow Harold's trail.

[23:25] She walks into a house and steals a jacket.

[23:27] Now, I guess the police are after her, but there's this subplot of, like, detectives that are on the case,

[23:33] and that doesn't really amount to much.

[23:35] It doesn't really—even though one of them is Crazy Ex-Girlfriend's boss, so that was fun.

[23:39] Yeah.

[23:40] I mean, yeah, her plot seems to be how she slowly assembles a cute punk outfit, honestly.

[23:48] Yeah.

[23:49] I mean, that's a plot we can get behind, sure.

[23:51] Yeah.

[23:52] Where does this take place?

[23:53] What's the town?

[23:54] United States of Americas.

[23:55] Oh, OK.

[23:56] Any town.

[23:57] I think it's called.

[23:58] Any town in the USA.

[23:59] OK.

[24:00] Cool, cool, cool.

[24:01] Let me see it.

[24:02] I mean, within short driving distance of wherever Crockett Johnson's house was, I guess.

[24:06] So let's see.

[24:07] Looking at this.

[24:08] Which makes sense that they would appear there.

[24:09] He seems to have—Westport, Connecticut seems to be where he lived with his wife, Ruth Krause,

[24:14] who wrote The Carrot Seed, which he illustrated.

[24:16] That blows my theory that any town stands for a New York town.

[24:21] No, it seems to be a Connecticut town, so it really should be Act-a-Town.

[24:25] Yeah.

[24:26] So the next morning, Harold has made a ton of pies because he does that in the book.

[24:30] He does a lot of pies.

[24:31] He's repainted the house purple.

[24:33] Terry does not like this.

[24:34] I understand that, although I will say, when I lived in Park Slope, Brooklyn,

[24:38] you guys may remember this house.

[24:39] There was one brownstone that was painted sloppily, a kind of Pepto-Bismol shade of pink.

[24:45] And everyone was like, what an eyesore.

[24:47] Can you believe they did this?

[24:49] And they did such a sloppy job of it.

[24:51] But eventually, new owners bought that house and they just—they stripped that paint and it just was brown again.

[24:56] And it was like a little bit of magic had died that day.

[25:00] A little bit of the old New York was gone.

[25:02] So maybe purple house is great.

[25:04] I don't know.

[25:05] Who knows?

[25:06] It's well-painted.

[25:07] Very uniform.

[25:08] Harold gives Mel half his crayon, setting up the joke later that I missed that makes me mad.

[25:15] And Mel skips school to help Harold find his dad, who he just knows as the old man.

[25:19] And this is—I thought it was going to be more of a runner throughout the movie, but they just do it like a couple times.

[25:24] It's him just harassing any old man he sees, assuming that that's the old man.

[25:28] And he's like, old man, look at my life.

[25:30] I'm a lot like you were.

[25:31] And they're like, I never lived in a crayon world.

[25:34] And I would imagine most of these old men are, on one hand, annoyed to be bothered, but also, on the other hand, they're excited to talk to somebody.

[25:41] Something's happened.

[25:42] Somebody's paying attention.

[25:43] Oh, I'm an old man.

[25:45] Oh, you want to talk about World War II?

[25:47] You're not the right one.

[25:48] Let me tell you about the 25 years I spent as a dress salesman.

[25:52] This is how Napoleon could have won.

[25:57] Let me say some things to you that sound sweet, but the more you listen, the more intolerant they become.

[26:03] Do I have to say for the whole thing?

[26:05] Yes.

[26:06] So they say, hey, let's go to the library.

[26:09] How are we going to get there?

[26:10] Harold draws up, you guessed it, something really amazing, roller skates and skateboards.

[26:15] And they just skate on over at the library.

[26:18] Yes.

[26:19] I wanted to ask you, now that we're hitting the library, you mentioned how you're talking.

[26:23] Don't hit the library.

[26:24] It's an important public space.

[26:25] Were you just talking to Danielle about this movie or did she see any of it?

[26:29] Because I was curious if she had thoughts on the library content of this film.

[26:32] She did not see the movie.

[26:34] I only talked to her about it, so I didn't get her full take as a children's librarian about this.

[26:38] It's hard to watch the clips of the library stuff on YouTube or something.

[26:42] It's also probably the best stuff in the movies.

[26:44] It's all Jemaine Clement.

[26:45] It's all Jemaine Clement.

[26:46] I mean, Jemaine Clement, the material is not amazing, but he's still funny.

[26:50] He's just such a funny performer, and I'm sure there are jokes that are his jokes.

[26:53] He adds a little extra level.

[26:57] There's a moment when he sees them playing around with the purple crayon outside, and he, like, smashes his face into the window and his glasses all get fucked up.

[27:05] I thought that was pretty funny.

[27:06] He is – I mean he's playing in some ways a more innocent version of his character.

[27:13] It's him in Gentleman Broncos, right, who's the science fiction fantasy author, right?

[27:17] I did never see that one.

[27:19] Me neither.

[27:20] Wow.

[27:21] Because here he is a librarian who also dreams of being a fantasy author.

[27:24] He's written a fantasy novel called, like, what?

[27:26] The Legend of Gagary or something like Gagarock, which is clearly his fantasy version of himself where he's in love with a fantasy version of Zooey Deschanel's character.

[27:34] I feel like I've played D&D with this guy before.

[27:36] Well, this guy is like – he's like the – not as frightening as he could be in real life, like children's movie version of an incel.

[27:45] That's his –

[27:46] Yeah, I guess so.

[27:47] He's kind of like got this, like, power fantasy obsession that he's put into this world, and it's all about, like, dreaming of Zooey Deschanel who is constantly politely but firmly telling him to buzz off.

[28:02] I guess so.

[28:03] But he's like a good-looking dude, and he's got an accent.

[28:05] I feel like he'd clean up in any town, Connecticut.

[28:07] To be honest, if he was a little less – if he was a little less intense, he probably could get a date with Zooey Deschanel.

[28:12] Yeah.

[28:13] He's not a bad-looking guy.

[28:14] He's got a great accent.

[28:15] He's got – he's kind of fun to talk to.

[28:16] He's got a job.

[28:17] He's a little kooky.

[28:18] He's got a good job, a good job that shows that he knows how to handle children, and children need to be handled.

[28:24] I mean he does have a bad habit of getting power mad as soon as he gets his hands on the purple crayon.

[28:30] That's true, but how often are you going to find yourself in that situation, Dan?

[28:32] That's true.

[28:33] One time out of one.

[28:34] Yeah, yeah.

[28:35] Dan's like, I would be like Faramir in the books and just turn down the purple crayon, whereas me, I'd be like, give me that shit.

[28:42] Oh, no, I'm in Mount Doom.

[28:43] I'm dead.

[28:44] Oh, no.

[28:45] So Gary – I think – Gary is the gentle children's movie villain, which is fine.

[28:51] Gary has a crush on Mel's mom.

[28:52] He agrees to help him look for Harold's dad, and Gary sees eventually Harold draw a plane to skywrite a message to his dad that says,

[29:02] old man, call me, and then has Mel's mom's phone number underneath it, and he realizes, oh, that's Harold from the book, Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[29:11] With that crayon, he can make his fictional fantasy world real, which is kind of funny.

[29:15] It's like, well, why wouldn't you just draw copies of the book you want published?

[29:19] Like you don't really want to be a fantasy barbarian.

[29:21] Like you want – we see him on a Zoom call with a publisher, an editor who's rejected his book, which is crazy.

[29:26] They are going to send you a letter.

[29:27] Basically, they got that far.

[29:28] Yeah.

[29:29] They're not going to set up a meeting with you to tell you that they don't want to read the book.

[29:31] But the –

[29:32] That shit doesn't play well in a movie, though.

[29:34] You want to –

[29:37] But it's – as someone who has written a novel, which I don't think will ever get published, I don't want to live the novel.

[29:42] I just want to get it – the story to other people.

[29:44] So it's just kind of funny that he's –

[29:45] Maybe if you wanted to live the novel, it would get published, Elliot.

[29:47] Oh, that's a good point.

[29:48] That's a good point.

[29:49] Live the novel.

[29:50] Live the novel.

[29:51] Be the novel.

[29:52] Be the novel.

[29:53] So I've got to slice myself into hundreds of pages?

[29:55] You got it, Dan.

[29:56] That's –

[29:57] Slice myself into pages.

[30:00] And so he sees, he goes, oh, I can make my fantasy world real with that.

[30:04] Our heroes, they fly around screaming for a while.

[30:07] They skydive the phone number.

[30:09] Go on, Dan.

[30:10] Well, one other thing that said, you know, cheap movie to me was,

[30:15] you know, of course, there's a payoff where Zoey Deschanel

[30:17] is getting like all the phone calls from old men.

[30:20] And there's like three of them.

[30:22] Yes, a bigger movie would have these calls and you just say three.

[30:25] Yeah. Yeah.

[30:27] Like we can't afford.

[30:28] Can we get AI to mimic old men?

[30:30] No, the old man budget was very low on this movie.

[30:34] They're like, yeah, look, we needed to if we were going to,

[30:37] if we were going to get these big name stars,

[30:38] we had to pull the money from somewhere.

[30:40] And it's from the old man budget.

[30:41] Every movie has an old man fund to cover all the old men they'll need.

[30:45] Sometimes a movie never digs into that fund and they use it for a big party

[30:48] at the end, like singles, swingers.

[30:51] They never really had to dig into the old man fund.

[30:53] A lot of movies with S and then NG in it somewhere.

[30:57] They don't have to dig into the old man fund.

[30:59] But sometimes a movie like, you know,

[31:03] what's a movie set in an old folks, grumpy old men, space cowboys.

[31:06] So space cowboys. Yeah, exactly.

[31:08] Those movies, they ran out of the old man.

[31:10] Fine. And they just start pulling from other aspects.

[31:12] And the rap party don't not at all.

[31:15] They're not going to have fun.

[31:16] Yeah, because they don't like all those old men don't like rap.

[31:21] Once you get enough old men in there.

[31:22] I mean, the fact is the original the OGs are getting pretty old.

[31:25] The original generation of rappers.

[31:28] And considering my kids think of Snoop Dogg as an old man

[31:30] who who sells fast food on television.

[31:32] Yeah, he's pretty good at it.

[31:34] He's very good at it.

[31:35] He's America's beloved, cute, violent rapper.

[31:38] Anyway, and we learned that when Moose feels like he's in danger,

[31:41] he briefly turns into a moose again.

[31:43] But then back to a human being.

[31:45] Does that get talked about at all or just happens like two or three times

[31:48] and then forgotten?

[31:49] Sort of happens. It doesn't really pay off.

[31:51] It pays off at the very end.

[31:53] It happens about two times and it pays off in helping to defeat the villain.

[31:56] At the end, when he like he like blasts the villain across.

[32:00] He like headbutts him with his antlers and pushed him as a human.

[32:04] Yeah, it's true.

[32:05] Yeah, but Moose is able to push someone much harder.

[32:07] I mean, yeah, they need to make it a little more extra extra push.

[32:11] I mean, that's what Moose stands for.

[32:14] Men only oscillate strongly.

[32:19] OK.

[32:20] Every time this thing hits them with their antlers.

[32:22] Yeah, that makes sense.

[32:23] He stands for a lot of stuff.

[32:25] Yeah. Yeah.

[32:25] Whereas human stands for humans.

[32:28] Yeah. Unlike Moose.

[32:30] Interesting. Yeah, that makes sense.

[32:32] Nudging.

[32:33] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[32:35] You can't push someone as hard when you're a human.

[32:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[32:39] Yeah, but this this sudden mooseification causes problems with the plane.

[32:43] I think he bursted the plane and they have to parachute out,

[32:46] which left me wondering, did this plane crash on people?

[32:49] It did. It crashed. It hurt somebody.

[32:51] Yeah. And then it disappeared later when all the stuff disappeared momentarily.

[32:55] And there's just dead bodies.

[32:56] And they're like, it's a mystery.

[32:58] Crash into this house.

[32:59] Kill all these people.

[33:00] And then the next year, Mark Wahlberg makes a movie about how he would have

[33:03] piloted that plane to safety.

[33:05] Yeah. I mean, he didn't make a movie about that, right?

[33:07] It's just the thing he said.

[33:08] He's making a movie right now.

[33:09] Like he and fucking Mel Gibson made a movie about that.

[33:12] They're making a movie where they stop 9-11 because they're on the plane.

[33:16] Something like that. Yeah.

[33:18] No, it's like there's a prisoner transport.

[33:20] It's the same kind of prisoner gets released, escapes or whatever.

[33:24] And I don't know.

[33:25] There's a danger. It's a danger.

[33:27] Isn't that what that is?

[33:28] It's a danger plane.

[33:29] OK, so is that kind of like the Jason Bateman movie

[33:32] that that everyone in the world has seen 15 times on Netflix?

[33:35] Yeah, kind of. Probably not.

[33:37] I haven't seen the I haven't seen the other one

[33:39] because I'm not allowed to watch Mel Gibson movies in my house.

[33:43] Yeah, because I get too worked up.

[33:44] Someone's not getting dragged across concrete in his house.

[33:47] Yeah, I had to wait till I had to watch that in a dumpster

[33:52] on my phone.

[33:54] So anyway, when they want to throw more garbage in there, I'm like, I'm in here.

[33:59] Occupied. Meanwhile, at school, Mel is getting bullied

[34:03] and some kind of invisible force hits one of the bullies.

[34:06] We know it's his if.

[34:07] But you know, and but he gets in trouble for it.

[34:10] I got to say, someone being bullied and then getting in trouble for being bullied.

[34:12] I relate to this.

[34:13] This movie saw my experience as a kid, for sure.

[34:15] Yeah, I thought it was funny that the bully's strategy was to bully him

[34:19] for being tardy, which is apparently I am.

[34:21] It's like bullies carry.

[34:22] What do you do? What do you think?

[34:24] Well, as we're seeing in politics today, the way to harness the aggression

[34:29] of toxic men is to give them authority and to get and put them in places

[34:33] of enforcement, you know, rather than to teach them or or redeem them in some way.

[34:38] Yeah. So Harold in the Purple Crayon really captures this concept.

[34:41] Oh, yeah. They might as well call it Harold in the Maga Crayon.

[34:43] Yeah, for sure.

[34:45] So Harold Moose, they show up at the store Terry works at.

[34:48] She's like, I have to get mail from school.

[34:50] You know what? I have to read.

[34:52] I have to move all the stuff in the stock room.

[34:54] You do it for me and I'll go get my son, which is a bonkers plan.

[34:58] You don't know these guys. They don't work there.

[35:01] They all you know about them is they seem strange.

[35:03] Of course, they cause havoc in the store.

[35:06] But someone goes up to Harold and is like, hey, do you sell Pumas here?

[35:09] And he's like, I think so.

[35:10] So he draws a live Puma, which is not purple.

[35:12] They didn't go all the way and die a real life Puma purple for this movie.

[35:16] Yeah, but I'm sure that was a possibility.

[35:18] And they had to act. But again, but the old man budget,

[35:20] they're like, there's nothing in the purple Puma budget.

[35:22] You know, again, most movies never dip into the purple Puma budget.

[35:25] So they can use it for other things.

[35:26] A Pink Panther budget.

[35:27] Sometimes movies dip into that, but very rarely into a purple Puma budget.

[35:31] Yeah.

[35:32] So anyway, there's nothing more to say about it.

[35:35] It's just a true thing you said.

[35:36] Yeah. So there's two facts about how they cause havoc and she loses her job,

[35:40] which it seems funny to me that the manager was like, yeah,

[35:44] a Puma got loose in the store because of these two people I've never seen before.

[35:47] You're fired, Zooey Deschanel.

[35:49] Like they don't have to say we know this, but, you know, I don't know why.

[35:52] I mean, I think I mean, this is one of many situations

[35:55] where their hijinks negatively affect the lives of other people.

[35:59] Yes. I'm assuming like in the movie, the lives of others,

[36:01] which is about a purple crayon that causes trouble in East Berlin.

[36:03] Yeah, because the store like burns down or something. Right.

[36:06] Like the level of havoc is on pretty intense fire.

[36:09] It doesn't work. The lights fall down. And yeah.

[36:12] And then later on, there's a moment where the porcupine goes into a diner

[36:18] and then despite the staff being firm but patient with her.

[36:23] Yeah. She causes all kinds of havoc and like and like destruction.

[36:27] And I'm like, these these employees didn't deserve this shit.

[36:31] No, we're definitely it definitely feels like the movie in these moments

[36:34] is punching down in in the same way that and in.

[36:38] And I don't again, we don't have to get into this.

[36:40] We don't need to be the kind of woke podcast that is no longer popular

[36:43] and will only get us in trouble.

[36:44] But the people working in services, you know, that's not the reason we're not.

[36:48] Oh, OK. Yeah. I mean, there's there's now.

[36:51] We've got to follow the money. It's all about being mean.

[36:53] I think there was an executive order dissolving the the the rule

[36:57] that we have to allow wokeness in our podcast.

[37:00] Yeah, exactly. Yeah. The Biden era rule that we it was very sweet this morning.

[37:05] We finally got near the end of Biden's term.

[37:07] My younger son, who loves Joe Biden, is there is he he sent him a letter

[37:12] and we're like, oh, OK.

[37:13] They never wrote back.

[37:13] And this morning we received finally his his return letter,

[37:16] which they must have like sent out a ton of letter responses at the very in January.

[37:20] Yeah, I'm not I'm not answering this anymore.

[37:22] Peace and love. Peace and love. Yeah.

[37:24] Just like Ringo. But he was but but he was so excited about it.

[37:27] It was really sweet.

[37:28] And you have like like ice cream stains or something just to know for sure.

[37:31] It was Joe. Oh, I wish I wish.

[37:33] Yeah, it was pretty much a form letter for kids, but then signed at the bottom.

[37:37] So the but anyway,

[37:41] was it? Oh, yeah.

[37:41] So anyway, I was going to say the people working in service positions

[37:44] at these stores and restaurants are all people of color.

[37:47] It reminded me of an episode of Seinfeld where the job of person of color

[37:50] is to be a security guard or a manager or a desk clerk

[37:52] who rolls their eyes at these crazy white people who are causing trouble.

[37:56] Well, there is I was I was watching I was watching a show

[38:00] where a character gets rejected from going into a country club.

[38:04] And they're like giving the maitre d' so much shit.

[38:07] And I'm like, the maitre d' is not rich.

[38:10] Like you're treating them like they're like a rich person, but they just work there.

[38:14] That's their job.

[38:14] Or else they lose their job.

[38:16] Are you Michael Moore going in and bothering security guards to do?

[38:20] I'm like, like what?

[38:21] It's it's charming when Axel Foley does it.

[38:23] He's allowed to everybody else.

[38:26] No way.

[38:27] And I think I and I also don't want to say I'm not saying

[38:30] don't aim for diversity in your movies

[38:32] because characters are going to get annoyed or anything like that.

[38:34] And I'm just saying that I am agreeing with Stewart's case

[38:37] that the the people who live in this world are being very patient

[38:41] with these crazy with these with these.

[38:44] I shouldn't say crazy.

[38:44] They're being very patient with these difficult characters.

[38:48] And the difficult characters only escalate the situation.

[38:50] It's not a matter of they're doing something innocent.

[38:52] And someone who understands.

[38:53] There's a swath of chaos in the city behind them, which can be fun,

[38:58] which is not not a bad thing.

[38:59] But when when you're presenting them as like,

[39:02] these are the innocents of the world and all, it's just chaos behind them.

[39:05] Anyway, but Zoe takes losing her job pretty well.

[39:09] They're walking around the city.

[39:10] They want her to play piano.

[39:11] They show his dream to doing so they draw a piano for him.

[39:13] She plays some classical music in public.

[39:16] Meanwhile, these these two cops are looking for porcupine

[39:19] and the other heroes in this with this will kind of pay off later.

[39:22] But they're not big characters.

[39:23] I just wanted to say that there was someone on Letterboxd

[39:25] who pointed out that Zoe Deschanel can play piano,

[39:29] but the movie shoots it as if she can't.

[39:31] Yeah, that's true.

[39:31] They're playing a different song than she's playing.

[39:34] I think she played like the intro to that Linkin Park song.

[39:38] Well, eventually I know I don't remember the first song she plays,

[39:40] but then eventually she's playing Hungarian Rhapsody No.

[39:42] Two, the friend's list song that's in a lot of there for that.

[39:45] And then that that that that that that that that that that that that

[39:48] which is a hard song.

[39:49] But yeah, it was very funny because I was like, oh, yeah,

[39:52] I don't know what song she's playing.

[39:53] Like the hand motions don't really seem to match.

[39:55] But and as you said, porcupine, for no reason at all,

[39:58] terrorizes a restaurant.

[40:00] Gary finds Harold and Moose and he goes hey I found your old man and he explains

[40:04] them about the book they came out of and that the crayon is made of pure

[40:07] imagination they're reunited with porcupine and the police arrest them

[40:10] throw them in jail but they escape using the magic crayon again easily it's fine

[40:16] I'm pretty crazy if he made a gun and they accidentally shot someone like I

[40:20] can't believe we did this oh my god but we've raised the stakes if we give

[40:24] someone else to just draw a dead perpetrator so the next day Mel is at

[40:42] school and he scares his bullies by drawing his imaginary friend who is a

[40:46] dragon this dragon is pretty cool look yeah dragons are cool there's nothing

[40:51] wrong he's got his own little Lockheed that that G that is his best friend

[40:56] valuable lesson not to to not to deal with his bullies by creating something

[41:01] that's dangerous and deadly no no he's that uh that if with met with with

[41:10] violence he responds with violence yeah that you know that's or at least with

[41:14] fear what met with fear responds with fear he he believes in fight fire with

[41:18] fire and then he starts singing the song fight fire with fire by Metallica

[41:21] it's pretty it's pretty rocket it's pretty awesome yeah it's pretty cool

[41:24] that moment when he goes we all shall die it's such a it's a scary moment in

[41:28] the song yeah porcupine very unsafely drives them in a four-person motorcycle

[41:35] to Crockett Johnson's house and Gary sees them and along the way and follows I

[41:43] guess and Terry is tracking them on her phone they end up at the Crockett

[41:45] Johnson house it's a little museum now where Harold they opened or this this

[41:49] docent this lady doesn't it's like oh are you here for the tour it's like well

[41:53] we're here to see the Crockett Johnson oh he died and and and Harold

[41:58] immediately turns around and walk yes yeah they do they do remedy this at the

[42:03] end of the movie but I had the same reaction when I'm like well I mean if

[42:05] you think of this man as your dad you don't want to see anything about him

[42:09] no thanks I didn't know I was gonna have to read information plaques too bad

[42:18] send it to me as a real please Terry shows up she gets mad she thinks Harold is

[42:25] just making their lives more difficult objectively he is and he goes she'll

[42:28] stay away from my son Harold is shattered and he loses his faith in his

[42:33] ability to create things all of his creations disappear in a puff of purple

[42:37] smoke including porcupine and moose he is now he's all in the wreckage of that

[42:41] plane yeah now he's all on his own a mystery that will never be solved and

[42:44] now he is distraught even the purple tire on the car disappears yeah two

[42:49] things about well number one is my like questions about the metaphysics of this

[42:53] where he like loses the they disappear well I think that can be answered with

[42:57] the fact that it's a magic crayon okay well they disappear once he loses faith

[43:01] but then like he still uses the crayon later on to to make stuff and it works

[43:06] there's no like moment where he like gets faith back it but then they come

[43:10] back only when needed at the very end of the of the climax and also like what

[43:16] matter of faith are we talking about here because if it's just faith in the

[43:19] fact that the magic crayon works he knows it does there's proof of that I

[43:23] don't know anymore right I think he's more losing faith in his own imagination

[43:28] to solve problems yeah or two but again that doesn't destroy everything so Jane

[43:33] have you ever seen we've been talking about Alfred Molina a lot today yeah

[43:37] you ever seen the movie spider-man 2 now there's a sequence in spider-man 2 or

[43:41] Spidey loses powers and yes could not be how he's wandered around he doesn't

[43:47] break up a mugging possibly my favorite thing I've ever seen the movie this this

[43:57] movie takes one of those moments what's that I'm not a I'm not a professional

[44:02] screenwriter guys what's uh what's the yeah what's the name of that kind of a

[44:05] bit is that a spider-man bit just loses powers for a little while because what

[44:11] would you call it in like Joseph Campbell yeah crisis of faith bottom

[44:15] this is your end of act oh no yeah it's not your end of act 2 rock bottom it's

[44:19] your middle of act 2 crisis of faith that leads to the end of act 2 oh no the

[44:23] hero is trapped and can't get out of it that's the rock bottom mm-hmm but yeah

[44:27] I mean he's trapped in this fleshy prison that we call the real world we

[44:31] all are in that we call our bodies someday we'll be free of them and one

[44:34] with that electron field that makes up the universe I was trying to explain

[44:37] this to my kids my younger when he said he said I think heaven is you get to

[44:40] play video games all the time you only eat ice cream and I was like mmm that's

[44:43] a pretty limited idea of what what a transcendent a transcendent heaven would

[44:47] be Dante is depiction of paradise involves more of a oneness of the soul

[44:51] with God a closeness to God a proximity that fills your soul and and fills you

[44:56] with the joy of being just one with creation and this did not mean much to

[45:00] him so I guess he's not ready for him he'd be one with ice cream having all

[45:09] possible information immediately shoved into your head and having your

[45:12] consciousness shattered immediately well that doesn't sound great oh the other

[45:16] thing I wanted to say about this moment though very quickly was I just while

[45:19] watching it I suddenly found it very funny if if the movie just became about

[45:23] yeah real life will crush you he gets it he gets a job he becomes a man in a

[45:32] gray flannel suit he starts a family he's never happy does not talk about his

[45:36] past he's Don Draper is essentially yeah yeah yeah

[45:38] Don Draper road not taken for Harold oh well maybe next time so cuz instead what

[45:45] happens is a Gary picks up Harold man if Don Draper had that fucking purple

[45:50] crayon he would have destroyed made yeah what an imagination and then

[45:56] eventually he'd steal the idea of another guy you'd have to hire him to

[45:59] make up for the fact that idea yeah Harold Mel sees Harold and Gary drive

[46:04] by and he goes Harold's in trouble and mom is like that's it give me your

[46:08] whistle that you use to summon your imaginary friend Carol like we're not

[46:11] dealing with this anymore she also says I should have believed you earlier I'm

[46:14] like no no you shouldn't have believed your kid did when you said all this

[46:18] magic I thought she said that later no when she hands him the whistle I'm

[46:24] pretty late oh yeah she says I should have well she should have believed him

[46:26] because it was true but you're right if your kid comes up and goes my imaginary

[46:29] whistle caught calls the dragon and my friend has a magic crayon that can make

[46:33] things real imaginary friends I'm fucking sick of this shit like as soon

[46:37] as this kid tells you he has an imaginary friend you're like oh yeah let

[46:41] me give him a little pet and he's like you're touching his butt I'm like come

[46:44] on kid I'm thinking more about eventually he's gonna go to college he's

[46:49] not gonna bring a dragon with him now she's stuck taking care of a dragon

[46:52] it's not his imaginary friend anymore it's hers she didn't want that

[46:55] responsibility when he's in college she wants to be out and about living and

[46:59] loving you can't take a man home for one night stand and have a dragon in your

[47:03] house I'm sorry if movie trends have taught me anything mommy horny right

[47:06] guys that's what I've heard yep hashtag yeah hashtag it so um Harold gives Gary

[47:12] the crayon cuz Gary's like I can use this power for real Gary seemingly

[47:16] needlessly traps Harold in a dungeon from his fantasy novels revenge on the

[47:21] world Nell shows up and Gary shackles him too and again this all seems

[47:25] unnecessary really all he really wants is to be a novelist after trapping Gary

[47:30] and he traps him at the edge of a big yeah Gary he flew too close to the

[47:35] imaginary son Gary draws a chariot and rides off and Mel tells Harold jealous

[47:39] would have drawn some fucking badass wings if he had that purple crayon right

[47:42] you know believe that Icarus would have been fine probably still would have

[47:46] gotten all roasted up but that's a lot Icarus would have found some dumb thing

[47:49] to get doing that kid was an idiot you know dad I could fly a million miles up

[47:56] like calm down to be to be fair you're a teen or a young adult your dad tells you

[48:01] don't do that you're gonna do it you know don't Dauntless should have said

[48:04] hey be sure to fly super close to the Sun Icarus would have been like oh I'm

[48:07] hovering just over the water dude you can't tell me what to do oh yeah I mean

[48:13] he's a great inventor probably a bad dad right is that sure is that the long and

[48:16] short I can't imagine he's got the time to give his son a real moral upbringing

[48:20] when he's building a labyrinth to trap a man a bull man who eats virgins yeah

[48:25] starting with like hey why not try these untested wings with me yeah it was a

[48:30] prison break scenario it wasn't just at his lab they're trying to get out of the

[48:34] labyrinth you know I mean everybody has a Jennifer Garner to help them out of a

[48:37] labyrinth you know I think he also built a bunch of shit that Kratos used in the

[48:41] God of War games I gotta double-check it Jennifer Connelly yeah not everyone has

[48:48] a Jennifer Connelly to get them out of a labyrinth a bunch of wings together

[48:51] maybe Jennifer Connelly is Jennifer Garner's alias the listeners at home

[48:58] Stewart just tipped his glasses down is looking over them give this man a

[49:02] Pulitzer anyway now tells Harold he's like no you made my life better you need

[49:06] to believe in yourself and and Harold's like I don't even have my crayon anymore

[49:09] but Mel has his half of the crayon and they escape in a hot-air balloon just as

[49:13] they do in the much better Paddington to Terry sees Harold's magic is returning

[49:18] all over and Harold Gary they meet up in the public park they have a crayon object

[49:22] battle they're drawing stuff that they fight with Gary's like dressed up like a

[49:25] wizard with long hair yeah I was gonna want I was wondering if you liked this

[49:28] part sir cuz it's basically a wizard's battle I do like a wizard stool but I

[49:32] feel like I mean the the bar is sword in the stone with yes that's the best

[49:38] wizard's battle unfortunately this doesn't measure up no no that's too bad

[49:43] that is that is a great wizard's battle though that's the best but mad madam M is

[49:47] also purple that's true maybe that's where her power comes from Dan from the

[49:51] magic credits Dan's unified theory of sword in the stone and Harold in the

[49:55] purple crayon is the same universe everybody loves that shit he loves it

[50:00] buying a bunch of movies together.

[50:02] It's probably referring to my San Francisco presentation

[50:07] where I made fun of fan theories,

[50:08] possibly too angrily for the audience, I don't know.

[50:10] It was a little aggressive.

[50:12] I think the audience was a little,

[50:13] my presentation was also not my best,

[50:15] and so I feel like I didn't set you up super properly,

[50:17] but your presentation was a little awesome.

[50:19] But you know, Stuart cleaned up.

[50:21] Yeah, cleaned up.

[50:24] It was like when the opening comic

[50:28] at The Daily Show was mean to everyone,

[50:29] so when John came out, everyone loved him.

[50:31] Yeah, Dan got everybody riled up,

[50:34] and then I calmed them down.

[50:36] Talking about the greatest city in the world,

[50:39] but let's go on, let's move on.

[50:41] At some point during the battle, Gary swallows the crayon,

[50:44] and I couldn't remember if that was accidental

[50:45] or on purpose.

[50:46] On purpose, yeah.

[50:47] It was on purpose, and he gains the power

[50:49] to become his fantasy character, Good Guy Roar,

[50:51] so now he's like a full, you know, long-haired wizard.

[50:54] Terry shows up and she rejects Gary.

[50:56] He gets mad and turns the park into a lava field,

[50:58] and that's when Terry says to Mel,

[51:00] I should have believed you back when you told me

[51:02] that your friend had a magic crayon

[51:03] that makes objects out of nothing.

[51:06] She gives him back the whistle.

[51:07] He calls back his dragon friend, Carl, who fights Gary.

[51:10] This is the moment where I turned to my wife

[51:11] because she walked in the room and I said,

[51:12] did you think the Harold and Purple Crayon movie

[51:14] was gonna end in a battle between a dragon

[51:16] and a man shooting Power Bolts out of his hands?

[51:19] And she said, no.

[51:21] Gary wins the battle against the dragon.

[51:23] Harold says, I believe in myself,

[51:25] and I believe in my friends,

[51:26] and Moose and Porcupine show up to help him.

[51:29] Porcupine finds Harold's crayon half,

[51:30] which is in a crag of a rock

[51:33] that is, you know, thrust up through the earth.

[51:35] Harold draws the spider fly from earlier,

[51:37] which flies into Gary's throat,

[51:39] and then Moose turns into a moose and headbutts him,

[51:42] and the crayon comes flying out,

[51:43] the spider fly, and all the damage that Gary caused

[51:46] goes away, all the stuff he created leaves,

[51:48] and Gary is sad, and Harold draws a door

[51:50] to Gary's fantasy world so he can live there forever,

[51:53] and Gary steps through, and then the dragon

[51:55] just destroys the door so he can never come back.

[51:57] He can never return, yeah, and it's like,

[51:59] I mean, I'm assuming the rest of it is like that,

[52:02] the Steve Kostansky short, W is for Wish,

[52:05] from, what is that?

[52:07] ABC's A Death.

[52:08] Yeah, ABC's A Death, yeah, it's great.

[52:10] And what we'll see, there's a mid-credits scene, Stuart,

[52:13] that I think you didn't watch.

[52:16] Our heroes, they go back to their crock at Johnson House.

[52:19] Elliot, you say that as a joke,

[52:20] but you know there's no fucking way I watched anything

[52:24] as soon as the credits started.

[52:26] Also, now I think that you just are just like,

[52:28] well, it's my thing, roulette, I don't have to do it,

[52:33] because it's funnier if I don't.

[52:34] Kick up my fucking heels and start scrolling.

[52:38] So, the heroes go back to the crock at Johnson House,

[52:41] they now deign to take the tour and look around inside,

[52:44] and Terry tells Harold that the old man

[52:46] would have been proud of him, and it's so weird,

[52:49] he says to the lady, he's like, oh yeah, I'm Harold,

[52:52] and she just hands him an envelope with a letter to Harold,

[52:56] that crock at Johnson House.

[52:57] She's got a fucking million of them,

[52:58] Jody, Larry, and Back to the Future Part Two,

[53:00] who's like, I was foretold.

[53:03] Well, we've been holding on to this letter for 50 years,

[53:05] or 30 years, whatever, but the idea that the character,

[53:09] crock at Johnson's like, someday the character I invented

[53:12] may come to this world and try to find me,

[53:14] so I better leave him a letter,

[53:16] and the letter, we hear it in voiceover,

[53:17] it explains that Harold is meant to inspire others

[53:20] to live with more imagination or something,

[53:23] it's such empty kind of boilerplate,

[53:25] nothingness, and Harold and Moose and Porcupine,

[53:28] they draw a new door, they go back to his crayon world,

[53:30] and they start drawing again, and meanwhile,

[53:32] in the real world, Mel still has a pet dragon

[53:35] that lives in their house.

[53:36] Dan, you say something before the post-credits?

[53:38] Yeah, before the post-credits, you mentioned in passing,

[53:42] I wrote it down, the actual line,

[53:44] because you mentioned the response, but not the line.

[53:48] There's a point where Harold says,

[53:50] I wonder what the old man would say if he could see me now,

[53:55] and I'm like, you don't wanna ask this question,

[53:57] movie version of Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[53:59] No, because he would say, what did you do to my book?

[54:01] Exactly, why, what, what is this bullshit that you added?

[54:05] Well, that's the reason,

[54:07] the reason why the original book sucks

[54:09] is because he didn't have the imagination

[54:11] to create a world like we see in the movies.

[54:14] With dragons and stuff, yeah.

[54:15] He does say, if he could see me now, that old man of mine,

[54:19] I'm eating fancy food and drinking fancy wine,

[54:22] and then he just bursts into the whole song,

[54:25] it's the best, you guys gotta imagine,

[54:27] it's one of the best renditions of that song

[54:28] from Sweet Charity that I've ever seen on film.

[54:32] So he goes back to his world,

[54:35] and Mel has given him a box of crayons,

[54:37] so now he can draw with many colors.

[54:39] Oh boy.

[54:40] Ooh, finally.

[54:41] That's another reason why the original book sucks

[54:44] is because it only has one color.

[54:45] Only one crayon, yeah.

[54:47] And so the post-credits sequence, we then see,

[54:51] Gary is in the fantasy world,

[54:53] and he finds the fantasy version of Terry,

[54:55] and she reveals that she is in a relationship already,

[54:58] and the wizard she's in a relationship with takes her away.

[55:01] And Gary goes, oh yeah, well I was pretty busy already too.

[55:04] So even the bonkers reward that this character

[55:11] has been given, he can finally live out his fantasy world,

[55:14] is undercut, and this character is punished.

[55:17] It felt like-

[55:17] Yeah, yeah, he's like, yeah, at last there's time now,

[55:19] and his last is all broken up.

[55:21] It just felt unnecessary, you know?

[55:23] I think the movie didn't want to give him the win of like,

[55:28] yeah, like he gets the girl in a way of, you know,

[55:32] like that, I don't know, that the realization

[55:36] of that power fantasy was a little too much

[55:37] for the movie, I think, without that happening either.

[55:42] I guess the movie fainted towards the idea

[55:44] of the redemptive power of love and happiness,

[55:46] and then said, nope.

[55:48] And then there's a second, you guys missed this,

[55:53] there's a second post-credit scene

[55:55] where he is in his therapist's office,

[55:58] his therapist's like an orc or some shit,

[56:00] and he's talking about how, oh, he needs to learn

[56:03] that just because he's projected this fantasy

[56:06] on someone doesn't mean that he is owed anything,

[56:09] and he really needs to just work on himself.

[56:11] And then wait, you missed the post-post-post-credit scene.

[56:14] Oh, okay, yeah, that makes sense, yeah.

[56:16] Where he is then, he's come to peace with himself,

[56:18] and he's realized, my fantasies have to stay fantasies,

[56:21] they can't be real, he's masturbating,

[56:23] and even in his erotic fantasy and his masturbating,

[56:26] she dumps him and walks away.

[56:28] And he looks towards the camera and he goes,

[56:29] I just can't win, and then Iris is out.

[56:32] Then there's another scene after that

[56:33] where he learns to eroticize the rejection,

[56:36] and so that's what actually gets him off,

[56:39] is being rejected by-

[56:40] Leading to the sequel, Harold and the Purple Cuck,

[56:42] yeah, of course, yeah.

[56:43] No, I gotta admit, the thing that confused me

[56:46] about this post-credit scene is she's like,

[56:50] I'm dating this guy, and I'm like,

[56:53] is this guy someone that we saw

[56:55] in a non-fantasy version earlier in the movie?

[56:58] It just seemed to be a guy.

[56:59] It just comes out of nowhere, yeah.

[57:01] Yeah, and they don't even list

[57:02] who the actor is in the credits,

[57:04] because I was trying to figure out

[57:06] whether it was a callback of some kind.

[57:08] Yeah, you're trying to find his app.

[57:09] Maybe it's a friend of Jemaine Clement's

[57:11] or a friend of the director's, or I don't know.

[57:13] I don't think it is a version of someone we've seen.

[57:16] It's not like an easter egg or something.

[57:18] It's just a character from his book, I guess.

[57:19] So that's the story of Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[57:22] It taught us all to embrace our imagination

[57:24] and our inner crayon.

[57:25] Now it's time for a little thing we call final judgments.

[57:28] Our inner crayon.

[57:31] Are we going to use the crayon to say

[57:33] this is a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[57:36] or a movie we kinda like?

[57:37] So the crayon segment, it isn't really that different.

[57:40] It's just the-

[57:41] It's basically the same segment,

[57:44] but with a crayon skin on it, I would say.

[57:47] Crayon skin.

[57:47] Ew, skin to crayon, horrible.

[57:50] Did I ever tell you about when I was a little kid?

[57:52] No.

[57:54] Well, you have told us about when you were a little kid,

[57:55] but I don't know if it's this story.

[57:57] So when I was a little kid,

[57:58] my little brother and I would stay with my grandma,

[58:00] and my grandma, or busha as we called her,

[58:03] because she's an old Polish lady,

[58:08] our crayons would get small or run low.

[58:11] She would take the shavings of it, like the wrapper,

[58:14] and she would have us bury them in the garden,

[58:19] and then when we would wake up the next day,

[58:20] there would be new crayons sticking up out of the dirt.

[58:23] It was really cool, yeah.

[58:24] That's cool, that's really fun.

[58:25] That's a sweet memory.

[58:27] Sweeter than anything in this movie.

[58:29] Before we go to final judgments,

[58:30] how long do you think this movie was in development for?

[58:33] How long?

[58:33] Since the 70s.

[58:35] Not that far back.

[58:36] Whoa.

[58:37] Only since 1994.

[58:39] So what we saw was only the product of 30 years

[58:42] of multiple people trying to make this movie.

[58:44] Who would have been, what is it, Larry in the purple,

[58:48] what's the name of the movie?

[58:50] Harold.

[58:52] Larry Fine.

[58:55] So it's the 90s, who, Seinfeld?

[58:57] Who was gonna play Harold?

[58:58] That's a good question.

[58:59] So they didn't have casting.

[59:00] So looking at Wikipedia,

[59:01] in 1994, Michael Tolkien, the writer of The Player,

[59:04] was supposed to write it,

[59:05] and Henry Selick was gonna direct it.

[59:07] Maybe it would have been a stop-motion movie.

[59:08] I don't know, maybe live-action.

[59:09] But then eventually, that changed,

[59:11] and Spike Jonze was brought in at a certain point.

[59:13] That makes sense, yeah.

[59:14] He's got some whimsy.

[59:15] Then eventually, David O. Russell was brought in

[59:16] to help rewrite it.

[59:17] That seems like a mistake.

[59:19] Eventually, Spike Jonze abandons the project.

[59:21] 2010, the project was picked up again,

[59:24] and that was gonna be written by Josh Klausner,

[59:27] who wrote Date Night and Shrek Forever After.

[59:30] Yep.

[59:30] And eventually, another writer was brought in.

[59:33] Then in the 2020s, we get to the current version of it,

[59:37] as the new screeners were brought on,

[59:39] and Carlos Saldanha, Saldanha was,

[59:43] I don't know how to pronounce his name.

[59:44] Saldanha?

[59:45] Is that a tilde or something?

[59:46] It doesn't have a tilde, no,

[59:47] but it's a, he's from Brazil,

[59:49] so I think it's a Portuguese name,

[59:50] as opposed to a Spanish name.

[59:51] But, and eventually, it was that.

[59:53] But it just, it seems like such a,

[59:56] to spend, for this movie to have been in development

[59:57] in many ways for 30 years,

[59:58] and to have ended up with, probably.

[1:00:00] play the most straightforward, obvious version.

[1:00:03] The least interesting version that any of those people would have made, I think, at

[1:00:06] least a more interesting version, not necessarily.

[1:00:08] Maybe not the best.

[1:00:09] I mean, I didn't love Spike Jonze's Where the Wild Things Are movie, but it's more interesting,

[1:00:15] certainly.

[1:00:16] Yeah.

[1:00:17] Yeah.

[1:00:18] Okay.

[1:00:19] Well, returning to Final Judgments.

[1:00:20] Final Judgments.

[1:00:21] Here's the thing.

[1:00:22] I didn't like this movie.

[1:00:23] I'm not going to say that.

[1:00:24] I think it's a bad, bad movie.

[1:00:25] You loved it.

[1:00:26] You didn't like it.

[1:00:27] You loved it.

[1:00:28] I go, wow, he's a reality TV judge.

[1:00:29] But I do think that had this not been a Herald in the Purple Crayon movie, had it been the

[1:00:36] same movie based on nothing, like, I don't know, on the scale of like things we watch

[1:00:44] for the show.

[1:00:45] Yeah.

[1:00:46] The Spirit Halloween version.

[1:00:47] On the scale of things we watch for the show.

[1:00:48] As Elliot says, it's kind of gentle and sweet, essentially.

[1:00:52] It's 90 minutes.

[1:00:53] Like, I like hated it less than I thought I would.

[1:00:57] I feel like the hatred mostly comes from, like, that this was a much more beautiful

[1:01:02] thing that has turned into a dumb generic thing.

[1:01:06] What do you have to say?

[1:01:07] Yeah.

[1:01:08] I mean, I think the movie has chosen an uphill battle, and it does not make up enough for

[1:01:15] the ill will that it causes by taking something that is clearly a nice, small, little story

[1:01:23] and extrapolate it into something completely unnecessary.

[1:01:27] Yeah.

[1:01:28] I mean, I feel the same way.

[1:01:29] I think you guys have have described it well, that I think if I wasn't bringing my emotional

[1:01:34] baggage of loving this book and finding it to be so special, it wouldn't bother me as

[1:01:38] much.

[1:01:39] But it is still a it's it's just a forgettable kind of movie.

[1:01:43] And that would be like if my kids of all the kids movies that we've watched for this podcast,

[1:01:48] if my kids were like, we want to watch Herald in Purple Crayon, I'd be like, fine, all right,

[1:01:52] I guess.

[1:01:53] But it's yeah, it doesn't it doesn't feel like it really needs to exist.

[1:01:56] They're like, daddy, daddy, I want to I want to start following the lead actor's ex account

[1:02:01] to see what his political views are.

[1:02:03] And I'd be like, oh, hold on a second.

[1:02:05] Maybe not.

[1:02:06] We still call it Twitter in this house, young man.

[1:02:10] And what were you doing looking at it?

[1:02:13] Hey, everybody, I'm Jeremy.

[1:02:19] I'm Oscar.

[1:02:20] I'm Dimitri.

[1:02:22] And we are the Eurovangelists.

[1:02:23] For a weekly podcast spreading the word of the Eurovision Song Contest, the most important

[1:02:27] music competition in the world.

[1:02:29] Maybe you already heard Glenn Weldon of NPR's Pop Culture Happy Hour talk up our coverage

[1:02:33] of this year's contest.

[1:02:34] But what do we talk about in the offseason?

[1:02:36] The rest of Eurovision, duh, there are nearly seven decades of pop music history to cover.

[1:02:41] We've got thousands of amazing songs, inspiring competitors and so much drama to discuss.

[1:02:47] And let me tell you, the drama is juicy.

[1:02:49] Plus all the gorillas and bread baking grandmas that make Eurovision so special.

[1:02:53] Check out Eurovangelists available everywhere you get podcasts and you could be a Eurovangelist

[1:02:57] too.

[1:02:58] Oh, I want to be one.

[1:02:59] You already are.

[1:03:00] It's that easy.

[1:03:01] OK, cool.

[1:03:02] The Greatest Generation has been going on for more than eight years.

[1:03:07] And if you've been greatest gen curious, but have never taken the leap, we recommend exploring

[1:03:12] your greatest gen curiosity in a safe, fun environment with partners you can trust.

[1:03:18] But right now is one of the best times ever to become a new listener.

[1:03:22] That's because we just started covering a new Star Trek series, Star Trek Enterprise,

[1:03:28] one of the horniest and weirdest editions of Star Trek ever released.

[1:03:32] This is your chance to ease in to the greatest generation lifestyle.

[1:03:36] The Greatest Generation now covering Star Trek Enterprise, the one with Scott Bakula

[1:03:41] every Monday on MaximumFund.org or in your podcast app.

[1:03:46] Hey, let's let's take a moment to thank our sponsors this week.

[1:03:52] Herald Week, we call it, I don't know what I just decided.

[1:03:58] We're sponsored in part by Squarespace, the all in one website platform for entrepreneurs

[1:04:07] to stand out and succeed online.

[1:04:11] Squarespace is a way to make it easy for you to build a beautiful, more personalized

[1:04:15] website, one that is tailored to your unique needs and craft and craft and craft a bespoke

[1:04:22] digital identity that you, the one who is designing this, can use across your entire

[1:04:29] online presence.

[1:04:30] I'm just going to slow down.

[1:04:32] Hey, why don't you connect major social and multimedia accounts to your website in a few

[1:04:37] clicks as icons, direct links or embedded feeds?

[1:04:43] Build visitor trust while updating it, updating your content only where you need it.

[1:04:49] So why not go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you are ready to launch, you

[1:04:56] go to squarespace.com slash flop to save 10 percent off your first purchase of a website

[1:05:02] or domain.

[1:05:03] Well, Dan, we've also got some of our own stuff to our own stuff to promote.

[1:05:09] Oh, yeah, that's right.

[1:05:10] Look, there's one more episode of Flop TV.

[1:05:12] That's right.

[1:05:13] Flop TV, our live online video broadcast version of the Flop House.

[1:05:17] It's like the Flop House, but you can see it and it's shorter and there's more in it.

[1:05:20] So really, Flop TV is that is the steak and Flop House.

[1:05:24] The podcast is kind of the ground chuck.

[1:05:26] Anyway, the wow, it's our live TV.

[1:05:31] I believe, Dan, this episode, I believe, is going out on the day of our final episode,

[1:05:35] right?

[1:05:36] Yes.

[1:05:37] If you want to watch live tonight is your chance.

[1:05:40] Tonight is your chance.

[1:05:41] Presumably you've downloaded this entire.

[1:05:43] You get to hear Dan's reaction to watching hit movie, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2,

[1:05:50] Secret of the Ooze, a movie Dan has never seen at this point.

[1:05:53] Yes.

[1:05:54] I want to know what's up with that ooze.

[1:05:56] If you're listening to this on February 1st, the first Saturday in February, then yes,

[1:06:00] tonight at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, you can listen and watch as we talk about

[1:06:05] Ninja Turtles 2, The Secret of the Ooze, big movie for me when I was a kid, did not factor

[1:06:09] into Dan's life at all.

[1:06:10] And it's time we're introducing it to him.

[1:06:13] I think that explains a lot, actually, so that's why I have a family and he doesn't

[1:06:18] and so forth.

[1:06:19] Flop TV, there's all different types of families, Dan, married with two cats is a family.

[1:06:24] So Flop TV, for those who haven't joined us yet, and I don't know why I haven't.

[1:06:27] It's really fun.

[1:06:28] One of us does a visual presentation.

[1:06:30] We talk about the movie.

[1:06:31] There's a video segment in the middle that one of us puts together.

[1:06:33] And the fun thing about it for us is that we do not see each other's segments until

[1:06:37] the show.

[1:06:38] So you get to experience them live as we do.

[1:06:40] It's super fun.

[1:06:41] We have a great time.

[1:06:42] And I think the audience loves it, too.

[1:06:44] If you can't be there tonight, February 1st at 9 p.m. Eastern, 6 p.m. Pacific, then you

[1:06:49] can still watch the show afterwards because the recording will stay up online until the

[1:06:55] end of February.

[1:06:57] If you go to theflophouse.simpletics.com, you will be able to buy tickets for each episode

[1:07:02] or a season pass.

[1:07:04] That's six shows for the price of five, and it gets you access to the recorded video of

[1:07:08] those shows.

[1:07:09] So if you missed all of Flop TV the whole season until the end of February, you can

[1:07:12] buy a season pass, watch it all at your leisure, and just enjoy it.

[1:07:16] Binge it.

[1:07:17] Binge the whole thing.

[1:07:18] All six episodes.

[1:07:19] Why not?

[1:07:20] That's the new streaming model, right?

[1:07:21] Make yourself sick on Flop House.

[1:07:22] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:07:23] Oh, you like the Flop House?

[1:07:24] Well, why don't you watch a fuckload of it?

[1:07:26] Oh, I caught you watching the Flop TV?

[1:07:28] Well, you have to watch the whole season, young man.

[1:07:30] That'll teach you.

[1:07:31] And so at the end of February, though, those videos will go away for quite some time.

[1:07:36] So your last chance is February 28th, right?

[1:07:39] This isn't a leap year that we're in.

[1:07:41] February 28th.

[1:07:42] But until then, go to theflophouse.simpletics.com, and you can get a season pass to watch those

[1:07:47] episodes.

[1:07:48] I'm so excited to talk Ninja Turtles 2 with you guys because, again, I haven't seen it

[1:07:51] in years, but when it was a new movie, I saw it many times.

[1:07:55] Really?

[1:07:56] Okay.

[1:07:57] Yeah.

[1:07:58] Every time with his grandma.

[1:07:59] Just one time with my grandma.

[1:08:00] Just one time.

[1:08:01] She was like, Elliot, Elliot, take me to see these Ninja Turtles.

[1:08:05] I hear the Ninjas and Turtles.

[1:08:09] I also wanted to mention, before we go to the next section, I want to just do a private

[1:08:12] plug, a personal private plug.

[1:08:14] I'm still writing the Harley Quinn comic book for DC Comics.

[1:08:16] It's in comic stores now.

[1:08:18] This is, I've been having a lot of fun writing it.

[1:08:20] It's a real fun series.

[1:08:21] If you are looking for a Harley Quinn book that has an intricate, overarching story that

[1:08:28] will test who Harley Quinn is and bring her to the limits of her powers, her personality,

[1:08:35] and her patience, this is not the series for you.

[1:08:37] It is a lot of fun stories.

[1:08:39] I'm trying to do one-off issues as much as possible.

[1:08:42] There's a theme to it, and there's recurring characters.

[1:08:47] There's at least one Tupac in there, but the emphasis is on fun stories and just having

[1:08:51] a good time.

[1:08:52] So if you were looking for a book that was going to really change the way you think about

[1:08:56] Harley Quinn, make you question everything you thought you knew, this is not your book.

[1:09:00] But if you want to have fun with the Harley Quinn that you know, then read it, yeah.

[1:09:04] That Harley Quinn isn't a Harley Quinn that thinks it's a plant, but rather a plant that

[1:09:10] thinks it's a Harley Quinn.

[1:09:11] No, it's that she died and her mind went into a Harley Quinn doll, and now she thinks she's

[1:09:15] Harley Quinn.

[1:09:16] Yeah, we're not doing that.

[1:09:17] That makes sense.

[1:09:18] Yeah.

[1:09:19] That's a good question to figure in.

[1:09:20] Yeah.

[1:09:21] Where's the TikTok man?

[1:09:22] That's a great question, Dan.

[1:09:23] That's a great question.

[1:09:25] When the Harlan Ellison verse merges with the DC universe, and I think we'll finally get

[1:09:29] to see each other.

[1:09:30] Actually, it would be very funny if I did a story where she fights the TikTok man, and

[1:09:34] then Harlan Ellison runs in and threatens to sue the whole company.

[1:09:39] That'd be very funny.

[1:09:40] See, he's passed, right?

[1:09:41] Yes, he's no longer alive.

[1:09:42] No.

[1:09:43] Okay.

[1:09:44] All right.

[1:09:45] Well, now that that's cleared up, it's the perfect time to move on to the next one.

[1:09:46] Well, now that that's cleared up, it's the perfect time to move on to letters.

[1:09:51] Now that we have the happiness of knowing Harlan Ellison is not with us anymore, yeah.

[1:09:55] Wow.

[1:09:56] I'm just kidding.

[1:09:57] This is a letter from Justin Last.

[1:10:00] thing withheld, who writes, he addresses, or they address to me, they say, hi Dan, I

[1:10:10] blame you.

[1:10:12] I was critiquing a friend's work, a non-fiction piece on the movie The Women, and was trying

[1:10:16] to remember the name of one of the actresses.

[1:10:19] I came up with Rhonda Shearer, my friend's face scrunched up a bit, he reminded me it

[1:10:24] was Norma Shearer.

[1:10:27] If you were offered the chance to produce the 21st century version of USA's Up All Night,

[1:10:35] what would it be?

[1:10:36] Who would be the host, and what types of movies would you screen?

[1:10:39] Dan isn't super vocal about celebrities he hates, so I can't really make a joke yet.

[1:10:49] I would have to think about my host a little bit, maybe you can come back to that part

[1:10:55] of it, but I was trying to think of what's a subtype of dumb movie that I have a real

[1:11:02] fondness for, and maybe I would just, it would have to be a one or two season thing.

[1:11:09] You would run out of stuff a lot faster than I think the Up All Night purview, but...

[1:11:15] Purview?

[1:11:16] Mm-hmm.

[1:11:17] It's a hard question to think about, or to answer partly because what USA Up All Night

[1:11:22] was doing is something that you don't necessarily need done anymore, and also is not as acceptable

[1:11:29] in some ways.

[1:11:30] You could just dial up Tubi for it, but I was going to say the genre...

[1:11:34] Or not Tubi.

[1:11:36] Would be like dumb techno thrillers or horror movies.

[1:11:41] Oh, yeah, that's good.

[1:11:42] I just have such a fondness for anything that's like...

[1:11:45] Yeah, yeah.

[1:11:46] You should have like a Garth Marenghi style opening where you're like logging onto a scary

[1:11:50] computer.

[1:11:51] Oh, that's good.

[1:11:52] And I wonder who would be good for that kind of role.

[1:11:56] That's Matt Barry always.

[1:11:57] I mean, Jemaine Clement or Matt Barry.

[1:11:59] Oh, yeah.

[1:12:00] I think you cast it for me.

[1:12:02] Yeah.

[1:12:03] But I feel like I was starting to put an answer to this in my head, and then I realized it

[1:12:08] was just Monster Vision with Joe Bob Briggs, which is a thing that exists already.

[1:12:11] Already exists, yeah.

[1:12:12] Yeah.

[1:12:13] Do you have any ideas, Stuart, or should we move on?

[1:12:16] Let's move on.

[1:12:17] Let's move on to letter number two from Zach Withheld.

[1:12:22] Zachary Levy.

[1:12:23] Hey, did you guys see my Harold and Purple Crayon movie?

[1:12:27] Did you like it?

[1:12:28] Maybe a recommendation.

[1:12:29] Dear Peaches, what was the Knight in the Last Crusade up to for all those years in that

[1:12:34] case?

[1:12:35] Clearly not dusting.

[1:12:36] Much love, Zach Withheld.

[1:12:38] So was that a real question?

[1:12:39] I mean, it's a real question.

[1:12:42] It has a question mark at the end of it.

[1:12:45] To defend the Knight in the Last Crusade, what was he supposed to dust with?

[1:12:48] He was not equipped with cleaning supplies.

[1:12:49] Yeah, yeah.

[1:12:50] His own tunic.

[1:12:51] He doesn't dust super well.

[1:12:52] No, not at all.

[1:12:53] He's not going to scratch those artifacts.

[1:12:54] Come on.

[1:12:55] And that fucking tunic could turn to dust as soon as he started moving it.

[1:12:58] It's a cave.

[1:12:59] It's nothing but dust.

[1:13:00] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:13:01] If dust is going to live anywhere.

[1:13:02] Is that the definition of a cave?

[1:13:03] Let me just look it up on Webster's.

[1:13:08] Come on, hold on.

[1:13:09] Webster's Dantianary.

[1:13:10] Oh, yeah.

[1:13:11] Cave.

[1:13:12] Noun.

[1:13:13] Nothing but dust.

[1:13:14] Dust in the wind.

[1:13:15] See.

[1:13:16] See.

[1:13:17] Nothing but trouble.

[1:13:18] OK, let me flip to nothing but trouble.

[1:13:19] It says noun, not a cave.

[1:13:20] OK.

[1:13:21] I'm glad they made that clear.

[1:13:22] He's a religious man.

[1:13:23] I mean, clearly, you know, from the Christian tradition, if he's guarding the Holy Grail.

[1:13:24] So maybe not meditation in the traditional sense, but I would assume sort of quiet, religious

[1:13:25] reflection is what he's doing most of the time.

[1:13:26] Yeah, reflection and prayer.

[1:13:27] And like, you know, I mean, I don't know.

[1:13:28] I don't know.

[1:13:29] I don't know.

[1:13:30] I don't know.

[1:13:31] I don't know.

[1:13:32] I don't know.

[1:13:33] I don't know.

[1:13:34] I don't know.

[1:13:35] I don't know.

[1:13:36] I don't know.

[1:13:37] I don't know.

[1:13:39] And you know that dude has got to be so annoying?

[1:13:47] Because he hasn't talked to anybody and he's craving that human contact at this point.

[1:13:53] So he's like, yeah, anybody walks in there is like, OK, man, just take it down a little

[1:13:57] bit.

[1:13:58] I know you're thirsty for this shit, but like.

[1:14:00] Here, let me give you my phone, you can just.

[1:14:02] Play around on that for a bit.

[1:14:05] Let's move on to recommendations, movies that we've seen that we would say maybe you should

[1:14:11] spend your time on something like this rather than Harold and the Purple Crayon.

[1:14:16] I want to very quickly do a dual recommendation because they're linked.

[1:14:20] The Nighthawk Cinema here in Brooklyn has been doing a Robert Altman retrospective and

[1:14:26] I got to see two of his films on the big screen that I'd never seen before, despite Altman

[1:14:31] being one of my go to like if someone asked, you know, favorite American director.

[1:14:37] But I saw Brewster McLeod and I saw Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean,

[1:14:43] the the the play turned into a movie where they're like, this title is not long enough

[1:14:50] already.

[1:14:51] Let's repeat that Jimmy Dean at the end.

[1:14:54] But very different types of movies, Brewster McLeod gets kind of serious at the end, but

[1:14:58] mostly is just kind of Altman's gag a minute movie.

[1:15:03] It feels it gave me this feeling like I was watching sort of the doodles in the corner

[1:15:07] of Mad Magazine, but in movie form, and I found a lot of it extremely funny and it's

[1:15:14] a very strange movie about a boy who is building some wings and maybe they'll fly.

[1:15:21] But mostly it's just about a bunch of weird stuff happening.

[1:15:26] And Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean, it was a was a Broadway

[1:15:31] play that I believe was also directed by Robert Altman.

[1:15:35] He films this version of it, but it's still it's very cinematic.

[1:15:40] This is a big like plot spoiler.

[1:15:44] So skip ahead a little bit if you don't care, like it involves a character who we learn

[1:15:49] is is trans.

[1:15:51] And you know, while I think probably from today's eyes, I'm not the best person to speak

[1:15:56] on this, but probably from today's eyes, there are certain things that maybe ways of talking

[1:16:01] about this that would be frowned upon.

[1:16:04] But certainly for the time, it is one of the most like empathetic, like portrayals, like

[1:16:09] obviously the movie's heart is with this character.

[1:16:11] And and that was kind of neat to see in a movie of that period, but also like sad to

[1:16:17] see like the backsliding.

[1:16:22] It was a very moving picture, and it's got your got sharing it, Stuart, you know, share

[1:16:27] you like that.

[1:16:29] Both really good.

[1:16:30] Oh, cool.

[1:16:31] OK, I'm going to recommend a movie.

[1:16:34] I'm going to recommend a movie that is, I think, nominated for at least two Academy

[1:16:38] Awards, including Best International Feature and I'm guessing animated feature.

[1:16:43] And that is a movie called Flow.

[1:16:46] Flow is a movie.

[1:16:48] It's like an adventure movie about mainly following a cat character and a series of

[1:16:54] other animals who are inhabiting a kind of abandoned human civilization.

[1:17:00] And then they have to contend with a sudden like disaster level flood.

[1:17:07] And they have to kind of rely on their own abilities as well as a slowly developing kind

[1:17:12] of friendship between them.

[1:17:15] Now, these animals are not particularly anthropomorphized and they don't there's no dialogue in the

[1:17:21] movie.

[1:17:22] I will say the amount of like scared cat sounds was pretty distressing.

[1:17:27] And I guess those are all cat sounds recorded.

[1:17:30] The director's own cat made all those sounds.

[1:17:33] But I found it to be a really touching and just a really well told story.

[1:17:38] It's like it's directed very beautifully and the action is very like the action moves really

[1:17:45] well.

[1:17:46] And it's just a really exciting movie to watch.

[1:17:48] I'm going to recommend another kind of fun, actiony, exciting movie.

[1:17:53] One that I've been meaning to watch for a long time and I had not gotten around to it.

[1:17:57] And I have not seen the second movie, which comes after it yet, which is the continuation

[1:18:01] of the story.

[1:18:02] But I finally got around to seeing the Richard Lester version of the Three Musketeers from

[1:18:05] 1973.

[1:18:06] And it is a, you know, it's just telling the story of the Three Musketeers and it's adaptation

[1:18:11] of the book.

[1:18:13] But I think it's really funny and the action in it is really fun.

[1:18:16] There's really good sword fighting in it.

[1:18:18] And it's funny that I was looking at some of the contemporary reviews and they were

[1:18:20] like, oh, the sword fighting is too precise and choreographed.

[1:18:24] And you watch it and you're like, I guess a little bit, like compared to the stuff that

[1:18:27] we see now where everything is so intensely choreographed.

[1:18:31] It looks more natural than that.

[1:18:32] But it's, you know, it's your classic Three Musketeers story.

[1:18:35] Guy shows up, wants to be a musketeer, falls in with these musketeers.

[1:18:39] They got to help the queen of France not get caught by her husband because somehow

[1:18:43] that's going to help Cardinal Richelieu when she's having an affair with a British guy.

[1:18:47] And there's a lot of just jokes and stunts.

[1:18:49] And there's a very light tone to it.

[1:18:52] We just talked about Cutthroat Island in San Francisco.

[1:18:55] And I think the light kind of breezy tone that they were going for in Cutthroat Island

[1:18:59] but didn't quite get.

[1:19:01] Richard Lester does a really much better job of capturing in the Three Musketeers.

[1:19:05] So I enjoyed it.

[1:19:06] Let's move forward to the second movie, The Four Musketeers, which I haven't seen yet.

[1:19:09] Yeah.

[1:19:10] Those Musketeers movies from Lester.

[1:19:11] Yeah, I really love them, too.

[1:19:14] Great pick.

[1:19:15] Before we move on and say goodbye, I just want to do a quick shout out.

[1:19:21] This story ends happily, spoiler alert, so no one stresses out over it.

[1:19:26] But I wanted to shout out to Vince, the guy who runs the Flophouse Discord.

[1:19:31] He had mentioned an injury a while back and then disappeared from the Discord for quite

[1:19:38] some time.

[1:19:39] And no one heard from him.

[1:19:40] And a lot of people were worried.

[1:19:42] And I'm not telling tales out of school because he posted this on Reddit himself to update

[1:19:48] everyone.

[1:19:49] He resurfaced recently confirming, yes, he had been in the hospital and it had come close

[1:19:55] to being really bad, but he is alive and well.

[1:20:00] He's just like, you know, a really enthusiastic listener who set up the discord.

[1:20:04] And I was personally, genuinely very scared that something had happened to him

[1:20:09] because no one knew.

[1:20:11] And so at a time when I feel like there's a lot of bad news,

[1:20:15] I was really happy to hear that he's well.

[1:20:17] So I send wishes for continued health to Vince.

[1:20:22] That's really good to hear.

[1:20:23] Yeah, and I would like to take this moment

[1:20:27] to thank our network, the Maximum Fun Network.

[1:20:31] Go to Maximum Fun dot org.

[1:20:34] Check out all the other great shows on the network.

[1:20:37] They keep adding new ones.

[1:20:39] There's a lot of funny stuff, a lot of informative stuff.

[1:20:41] I'd like to thank Alex Smith, our producer.

[1:20:45] He goes by the name HowlDotty all over the Internet.

[1:20:48] You can listen to his music, watch his Twitch streams,

[1:20:52] check out his stuff as well.

[1:20:54] But for The Fluff House, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:20:56] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:20:57] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:20:59] Bye. Bye.

[1:21:01] Goodbye.

[1:21:10] I think some people, they don't have a lot of control

[1:21:12] about things in their life, so they decide to get mad

[1:21:15] about the things they feel like they can't control,

[1:21:16] such as the opinions of others about movies.

[1:21:18] Other times, someone has tons of control in their life,

[1:21:21] and yet they feel like they get mad about stuff and they get into politics

[1:21:23] and they ruin the country.

[1:21:25] What are you going to do? People get mad about stuff.

[1:21:26] It's weird. Yeah.

[1:21:28] It's a silly time. It is weird, baby Stewie.

[1:21:30] It's weird, yeah.

Ep.#443 - Harold and the Purple Crayon

Chapters

Transcript

Description