The Flop House: Episode #37 - Seven Pounds

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we struggle to find three ounces of things to say about seven pounds.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse, the podcast where we watch a bad movie and then chat about it a little bit.

[0:38] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:40] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:41] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] Oh, Stuart, why so glum chum?

Stuart Wellington

[0:44] I don't know.

[0:45] We just watched Seven Pounds, Dan.

[0:49] Hmm, that sounds like seven pounds of fun.

[0:50] It weighed heavily on my soul.

[0:54] How much weight?

[0:55] Seven pounds.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] Sounds about right.

[0:58] Yeah.

[0:59] Did we ever find out why this movie was called Seven Pounds?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01] If they ever explained it, we were talking and didn't notice.

[1:04] I think we were trying to play the theme song to some television show using only fart noises from our mouth.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10] That's possible.

[1:12] We were also living the episode of the Batman TV show we wish we could write with the villain Seven Pounds.

[1:18] Yeah, we did that a lot.

[1:19] The Seven Pounds obsessed villain.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21] So we watched the movie Seven Pounds.

[1:22] Who starred in this movie, Dan?

[1:25] One, William Smith.

[1:27] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:28] Big Willie style.

[1:29] Uh-huh.

[1:29] Yeah.

[1:30] One, Rose Ario Dawson.

[1:32] Brosario Awesome.

[1:34] Uh-oh.

[1:34] Woody.

[1:35] Son of Harold.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38] Wood's son of Harold was also in it, briefly.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41] And what?

[1:42] Barry Pepper, is that his name?

[1:43] Yeah.

[1:43] Yeah, absolutely.

[1:45] Peppered Barry.

[1:46] Yeah, so we have the cast.

[1:48] We have the name.

[1:49] Paint us a picture, Dan.

[1:50] Give us a little background on this feature.

Dan McCoy

[1:53] Okay, well, basically.

[1:56] As if he wrote it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:58] Pitch it to the listener.

Dan McCoy

[2:00] Okay, my pitch is you're going to watch one hour of Will Smith going around doing things that seem completely inexplicable and disconnected.

[2:09] And then, right at the midpoint, you're going to have a pretty good idea of what might be going on.

Elliott Kalan

[2:15] But you're going to expect something different.

[2:16] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[2:17] And then it's going to go on for another hour, and then you're going to get confirmed in what you thought was happening.

[2:22] Tell me.

[2:23] There's like a love story, though, right?

[2:25] Yes.

[2:25] Yeah, can we get a romance into this?

[2:27] Will Smith and Rosario Dawson will fall in semi-chased love.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] Is there any way we can get like an antique printing press involved?

Dan McCoy

[2:36] It seems like it wouldn't have anything to do with the story at all.

Elliott Kalan

[2:39] Well, what if Rosario Dawson was like a printer or engraver?

[2:42] She has a garage full of antique printing presses.

Dan McCoy

[2:44] I have no idea why that would be part of it.

[2:46] And like Will Smith, to prove his love, fixes one of them.

[2:48] I guess if you really needed it.

Elliott Kalan

[2:49] And how can we get like a jellyfish involved?

[2:52] I think you're just throwing out random things now.

Stuart Wellington

[2:55] Random things that were in the film Seven Pounds.

[2:58] Can we get a scene where one of the main characters runs through the rain and like either like howls at an uncaring god or like calls all the people who hate him cowards or something like that?

Elliott Kalan

[3:10] Can we get a scene where the hero of the movie calls a blind man on the phone and harasses him and calls him a coward and a virgin?

Dan McCoy

[3:17] Uh, sure.

[3:19] I mean, if only to see Will Smith do that.

[3:21] If you've ever wanted to see Will Smith act like a real dick to a blind guy, this is your movie.

[3:27] Within the first few minutes of the film.

[3:28] Didn't?

[3:29] Turn it off after that.

[3:30] Who else?

[3:31] What else did this director make, Dan?

[3:33] He made The Pursuit of Happiness, also with Mr. William Smith.

[3:36] Is that the movie where happiness is spelled?

[3:38] Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Elliott Kalan

[3:39] Get this.

[3:40] Hey, hey.

[3:40] This movie was more like The Pursuit of Crappiness.

[3:43] No, go.

[3:44] R-O-C-K in the USA.

[3:46] R-O-C-K in the USA.

[3:48] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[3:49] I don't know where we can go.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] She's got Betty Davis.

[3:53] So can we explain what this...

[3:55] Should we reveal the...

[3:56] Should we spoil the plot of the film?

[3:58] Yeah, please.

[3:58] For those viewers at home?

[3:59] Yeah, it's pretty simple.

[4:00] This is a movie that...

[4:01] It won't take that long.

[4:01] Wait, wait, wait.

[4:02] He's not a ghost, though, right?

[4:03] No.

[4:03] We all thought he might be a ghost or an angel.

[4:05] The way the movie's set up, it's like very mysterious.

[4:08] He must have some bizarre secret that we need to figure out.

[4:12] Why is he helping these people or hurting people or feeling guilty?

[4:15] That's not a superpower, right?

[4:16] Nope.

[4:16] He speaks Spanish?

[4:17] He does speak...

[4:18] That's not a superpower.

[4:19] Millions of people do it.

[4:20] I can't do that.

[4:22] Well, okay.

[4:22] It's a superpower to you.

[4:24] He went to MIT.

[4:27] You get these very brief, mysterious flashbacks.

[4:29] He was married at some point.

[4:31] He was in the aerospace industry, but now he says he works for the Treasury Department.

[4:35] Huh?

[4:35] What?

[4:36] A car skidding on the road?

[4:37] What happened?

[4:38] Maybe he came back from the dead.

[4:40] Maybe he had a visitation from an angel.

[4:42] He was like the crow.

Stuart Wellington

[4:43] Because certainly it couldn't be...

[4:44] Eric Draven, the crow.

Dan McCoy

[4:45] Yeah.

[4:46] He's like the crow.

[4:47] He got shot halfway through filming.

[4:49] It had to be something...

[4:50] Yeah, and they made him out of CGI.

Elliott Kalan

[4:51] It had to be something like that, because certainly it can't be as simple as he caused a car crash

[4:56] that killed some people and now feels guilty and wants to save people's lives in return.

Dan McCoy

[5:00] No.

[5:01] You can't make a whole movie out of it.

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] No, that's too simple.

[5:03] That's too simple.

[5:04] How about this?

[5:05] How about if we do the movie, though, and because it's such a simple plot with no twists,

[5:09] we just don't tell anyone what's going on for the first three quarters of the film?

[5:14] Yeah.

[5:15] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[5:15] Why doesn't the lead character just do a bunch of mysterious stuff?

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] Yeah, and he loves the jellyfish for some reason.

Dan McCoy

[5:20] Yeah, good stuff, though.

[5:22] Yeah.

[5:22] Well, except for being a dick to a blind guy.

Stuart Wellington

[5:24] Well, he's mean to people sometimes, but it's not like he's mean mean.

[5:28] It's not like he steals money from people.

Elliott Kalan

[5:30] No, he's testing people through verbal hostility.

Stuart Wellington

[5:32] Yeah, that's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] And then also, like...

Stuart Wellington

[5:34] I don't consider that to be that mean.

[5:36] But then, like, he'll also, like...

[5:37] I mean, words don't hurt, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[5:37] I have to say, though...

[5:39] He'll drop by his friend while his friend's playing golf and say something like,

[5:42] it's time soon.

[5:43] Yeah.

[5:44] And his friend falls down on his knees and he's like, no!

Dan McCoy

[5:48] Dan, what were you going to say?

[5:49] Well, I just don't know about his way of method of testing people.

[5:52] Because, for instance, I think I'm not a bad guy.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] However, if someone...

[5:56] You're wrong.

[5:56] By his method, reasoning.

Dan McCoy

[5:58] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[5:59] If someone was verbally abusive to me on the phone, if I was blind and someone started saying,

[6:04] hey, blindy, what color's the ocean?

[6:07] And they're like, oh, you're a coward.

[6:08] I bet you're a virgin blind guy.

[6:10] I'd be like, fuck you, guy.

[6:12] See, the way...

Stuart Wellington

[6:13] He probably did it with a fat girl.

[6:15] I mean, it's not like he's, like, ugly or anything.

[6:18] He's Willie Harrelson.

[6:19] He's a movie star.

Dan McCoy

[6:20] Will Smith is like, before I donate you my eyeballs, I have to make sure that you're not going

[6:25] to get mad at me over the phone.

Elliott Kalan

[6:26] Well, his way of testing what's in people's souls is the same as the TV show Boiling Point,

[6:30] where you pretend to be irritating and see how long someone will hold out.

Stuart Wellington

[6:34] Well, and it's all...

[6:35] It's similar to, like, the opposite of the movie Body Parts.

[6:40] It's similar to the opposite of the movie Body Parts.

[6:43] You know, the Bizarro World version of the movie Body Parts.

Elliott Kalan

[6:47] You know that photo-negative version of Basket Case, where the brothers are good friends and

[6:52] neither one of them is deformed?

[6:53] Yeah, the anti-matter version of the DVD.

[6:56] Imagine instead of a movie...

Stuart Wellington

[6:57] You know that version of A League of Their Own, where it's guys instead of girls?

[7:01] This is a...

[7:02] Okay, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[7:03] You know that Ghostbusters one, where the ghosts bust people?

[7:07] That's what happens in Soviet Russia.

[7:10] According to Yak, that'd be great if Yakov Spearov was trying to make a lot of Ghostbusters-based

[7:15] jokes, because the movie was very big.

[7:17] In Russia, the ghosts bust you.

[7:19] Anyway, you were saying, Stuart...

[7:20] The bloodline waits for you.

Stuart Wellington

[7:23] No, what I was going to say is, in the movie Body Parts, where Jeff Fahey, man, he gets

[7:29] fucked up in a car accident, and then he gets a serial killer's donated body part.

[7:35] Sure, we're familiar with the plot.

[7:36] Or see the advert song, Gary Gilmore's Eyes.

[7:40] Yeah, so like, what is...

[7:41] Is Will Smith's character really concerned that he's going to give his eyes to somebody

[7:44] who's then just going to, like, fuck him up?

Dan McCoy

[7:46] Who's going to waste him.

Stuart Wellington

[7:47] Yeah, or like...

[7:48] Someone who's going to look at porn.

[7:49] He's like, man, now that I got my eyeballs, I'm going to play Internet Scrabble all day.

[7:53] Like, what the fuck?

[7:54] Well, it's the same...

[7:55] Like, when Jerry Orbach died, he also donated his eyes.

[7:58] He's going to look at a bunch of ugly stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[7:59] And I like to imagine Jerry Orbach also tested people in this way, when he knew he was

[8:04] dying.

[8:04] Like, okay, I'm going to name some artists.

[8:07] You tell me if you like their work.

[8:09] Max.

[8:10] Meh.

[8:11] Okay, this is good.

[8:12] David Hockney.

[8:14] Meh.

[8:14] Leroy Neiman.

Dan McCoy

[8:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:16] Forget it.

[8:17] Hang up.

[8:18] Scratch his name off the list.

[8:20] He's not getting my eyes.

[8:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:23] Yeah, I mean, I guess if I was going to commit suicide with Jellyfish, I'd be...

Elliott Kalan

[8:27] Oh, we haven't talked about that yet.

Stuart Wellington

[8:29] Oh, yes.

[8:30] If I was going to do something that I didn't just say...

[8:32] Well, we can talk about it.

[8:33] It doesn't matter.

[8:34] I'd be really...

[8:34] Like, I'd really want to know what people are going to do with my body parts.

[8:38] Well, Will Smith...

[8:38] Especially your schlong.

[8:40] Yeah, exactly.

[8:41] They usually don't...

[8:42] They just use pieces of that for extension sometimes.

[8:44] They should dry it out and use it as a dog treat, like a bully stick.

[8:47] It's in Stuart's will.

[8:49] Why would you do that?

[8:50] Stuart's will specifies that.

[8:52] That's how they make those dog treats.

[8:54] Yeah, but not out of human penises.

Elliott Kalan

[8:57] Well...

[8:57] That's horrifying.

[8:59] That's really horrifying.

[9:00] That I want my dog to eat my dried phallus.

[9:04] That's terrible.

[9:05] Your poor three-legged dog.

[9:07] He'd probably eat it, though.

[9:08] Yeah, well, it's because your dog is crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[9:10] I think it's because he's a carnivore.

Elliott Kalan

[9:12] Yeah, he's an animal.

[9:13] Unlike the great name in this movie.

[9:14] Unlike the dog in the movie, who Rosario Dawson is clearly forcing to be a vegetarian.

Stuart Wellington

[9:18] That reminds me of when I saw The Incredible Shrinking Man.

[9:21] Vegetarian fan mail.

[9:22] I was like...

[9:23] Or hate mail, I guess.

[9:24] It would be.

Dan McCoy

[9:25] Angry fan mail.

[9:26] I like your show so much!

[9:28] After I saw The Incredible Shrinking Man, it genuinely made me sad to think about, like,

[9:33] oh, you know what?

[9:34] If I shrank down, my cat would eat me without a second thought.

[9:36] Yeah?

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] No matter how much I love my cat.

[9:38] I think your cat would eat you now without a second thought.

[9:42] I...

[9:42] I'll tell you what, Dan.

[9:43] We'll test it.

[9:43] I'll kill you.

[9:44] Okay.

[9:44] We won't tell anyone the body's here.

[9:46] We'll see what the cat does.

[9:47] I don't see any downside that this woman is killed with.

[9:49] Your wife is going to win an all-expenses-paid vacation for a week.

[9:53] Oh, great.

[9:53] That she doesn't bury you.

[9:54] Great.

Stuart Wellington

[9:54] You should donate your shit to other people, like your eyeballs, your glasses.

Elliott Kalan

[9:58] Yeah, your liver, your intestine.

Dan McCoy

[10:00] Your fingernails.

[10:01] Your glasses, did you say?

[10:03] My DVD copy of The Monster Squad.

Elliott Kalan

[10:05] You should donate that to me when you die.

[10:08] Well, with, anyway, the jellyfish.

[10:09] He's obsessed with jellyfish.

[10:11] He has a...

Stuart Wellington

[10:11] Because it's the most deadly fish in the ocean.

Elliott Kalan

[10:13] He has a tank in his room.

[10:14] He says the most deadly animal in the world, I think.

[10:16] That's probably true.

Stuart Wellington

[10:20] What about a Samurai?

Elliott Kalan

[10:22] That's not an animal.

[10:23] That's a type of person.

[10:24] Humans are animals.

[10:26] Yeah.

[10:26] Right.

[10:27] That's true.

[10:27] All right.

[10:28] You got me there.

Elliott Kalan

[10:31] I'd rather go up against a jellyfish than a Samurai.

Stuart Wellington

[10:33] Let me get out my biology textbook.

Elliott Kalan

[10:37] Than a Samurai, which is...

[10:39] Boom.

[10:39] All right.

[10:41] I'm surprised that they never did a kid's cartoon called Shamurai, where it's Shamu the

[10:46] whale as a Samurai.

[10:47] He probably couldn't afford the rights.

[10:49] That's a good point.

[10:50] Or Shamu the whale just drinking rye.

[10:52] Yeah.

[10:52] Oh, he is a drunk.

[10:53] Like a real drunk.

[10:53] But anyway, he has a jellyfish in a fish tank in his motel room, because Will Smith

[10:58] has given his house away to a Mexican-American woman who has an abusive boyfriend so she can

[11:05] escape.

[11:06] Instead of calling the cops...

[11:08] Yeah.

[11:09] It seems like a simpler solution and one that would ultimately...

[11:12] Get him off the streets, let's say.

[11:14] Yeah.

[11:14] Get this abusive boyfriend off the streets.

[11:16] But okay.

[11:16] It'll really help more people.

[11:17] So he's got a jellyfish.

[11:20] Like you.

[11:20] You just...

[11:21] You procure one.

[11:22] He's obsessed with it because it's the deadly.

[11:23] It's the deadliest animal in the world.

[11:25] Sure.

[11:25] His dad told him that.

[11:26] And...

Stuart Wellington

[11:27] He probably had to go through a black market jellyfish dealer.

Elliott Kalan

[11:29] Yeah, probably.

[11:31] Mm-hmm.

[11:31] And then his plan is...

[11:33] Yeah.

[11:34] And why should we just give away the ending of the movie?

[11:36] Yeah, please.

[11:37] Please do.

[11:38] He...

[11:38] Okay.

[11:40] Fills his bathtub with ice.

[11:42] Sure.

[11:42] Then he gets in it, and it's very cold, so he takes his time.

Dan McCoy

[11:46] Like everything in this movie, it takes its time.

Elliott Kalan

[11:48] And then he tips over his bucket with a jellyfish in it.

[11:51] The jellyfish, of course, being, as you said, a rapace.

[11:53] A capacious predator.

[11:55] Clamps onto his arm immediately.

[11:56] It's the love lost.

[11:56] It's insatiable.

[11:58] And kills him.

[11:59] And his organs go to the people he's deemed worthy of it.

[12:02] But this...

[12:02] That's the thing.

[12:03] Dan, you just put your finger on the pulse of this one.

[12:06] This movie could be what?

[12:07] You think a tenth of the length?

Dan McCoy

[12:09] Well, yeah.

[12:10] I mean, the listener at home...

[12:11] Play a little game.

[12:13] It's a movie about a guy who accidentally kills some people in a car crash, then decides to kill himself.

Stuart Wellington

[12:20] He was looking at his Blackberry, Dan.

[12:21] I think he...

[12:22] Yeah, it's a real message.

Dan McCoy

[12:23] More like a Crackberry.

[12:24] He was addicted to that thing.

[12:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[12:27] Snackberry.

Elliott Kalan

[12:28] More like a Lackberry, because there's no berries in that thing.

Dan McCoy

[12:31] Yeah.

[12:32] But he wants to make it up to the world, so he's going to kill himself and donate...

Elliott Kalan

[12:36] More like a Zackberry, because if they made Save the Bell now, Zack Morris would have one of those instead of one of those big phones.

Stuart Wellington

[12:42] Yeah, that's what he used to call the pizzeria to deliver pizzas to Mr. Building.

[12:47] Yeah, exactly.

[12:47] You know, when he stops time.

[12:48] Or call his teachers to pretend to be sick.

[12:50] I never heard of him say that.

[12:51] Wait.

[12:51] All right.

[12:52] When he'd stop time...

[12:53] I was in the middle of something.

[12:54] He'd call a pizzeria?

Elliott Kalan

[12:55] No, he wouldn't stop...

[12:56] He couldn't do anything when time was stopped.

[12:58] He would just talk to the audience.

[12:59] That was his subjective...

[13:00] Because he was insane.

[13:01] He was insane and thought he was being watched at all points, so he would stop time.

Dan McCoy

[13:05] This is not the Saved by the Bell cast.

[13:06] Okay, so...

Elliott Kalan

[13:07] I wish it was.

[13:08] You're saying something about Saved by the Bell, Dan?

[13:09] I wish the cast of Saved by the Bell was right here.

[13:11] No, uh...

[13:12] Dustin Diamond, Lark Voorhees.

Stuart Wellington

[13:14] I think Dan was saying something about Saved by the Bell.

[13:17] What were we talking about?

Dan McCoy

[13:17] Oh, yeah, sorry.

[13:17] The entire plot of this film is that a guy...

[13:20] Saved by the Bell, honeymoon in Vegas.

[13:22] ...excellently kills a bunch of people, and then he wants to kill himself and donate his organs to make up for it.

[13:28] He wants to balance the sheet.

[13:30] That's fine.

[13:30] Yeah.

[13:31] If you can't deal with the regret.

[13:32] Listener at home, how long do you think that that story would take to tell?

[13:37] Two hours, ten minutes.

[13:39] Ten minutes?

Elliott Kalan

[13:39] I'm guessing the audience at home probably is saying 45 seconds.

Dan McCoy

[13:43] Mm-hmm.

[13:43] You could maybe do a...

[13:44] I just told it in that amount of time.

Elliott Kalan

[13:46] You could do a Verizon ad that explained the story.

Dan McCoy

[13:48] I mean, more, but that was because you interrupted it with the Saved by the Bell stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[13:51] That was the best material I think we've had in the episode so far.

[13:54] Mm-hmm.

[13:55] But yeah, how long did it take?

[13:56] About an hour and 50 minutes?

Dan McCoy

[13:58] It was a two-hour film.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] It wasn't completely two hours.

[14:01] I think it was.

[14:02] It was...

[14:02] I was looking at the counter.

Stuart Wellington

[14:04] The movie...

[14:05] Well, you do have glasses and I don't, so clearly...

[14:08] It's a 200...

[14:09] It's my area of expertise.

Dan McCoy

[14:10] You have plus two division, yes.

[14:12] It's a 125-minute film, so...

[14:15] Really?

Elliott Kalan

[14:16] There's no way it was...

[14:17] I think that's counting credits.

[14:18] Well, yeah.

[14:18] Yeah, it's counting credits.

[14:19] Okay.

[14:20] But still...

[14:20] No, don't worry.

[14:21] Well, philosophers are going to argue this point for generations.

[14:24] Let's just leave it at that.

[14:25] The exact length of seven pounds.

[14:27] But yeah, every...

Dan McCoy

[14:28] I think the movie was seven pounds.

[14:29] How many...

[14:31] How long will seven pounds dance on the head of a pin?

[14:35] That's what they'll say.

[14:35] Yeah.

[14:36] That is what they'll say when they're quoting you.

[14:39] But yeah, every shot...

[14:40] When I'm famous in the future, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[14:42] Every...

[14:42] When somehow, after the bomb, society has come to worship you in the recordings that's been...

[14:48] All that survived of the...

[14:50] Before the Great Reckoning...

[14:52] Yeah.

[14:52] ...was your blog and these podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[14:55] These aphorisms don't make any sense, but...

Elliott Kalan

[14:57] And they worship Dan McCoy, the man with the voice, and hate Stuart and Elliot, who bedeviled Dan...

[15:02] ...in his work as Lord.

Stuart Wellington

[15:06] Yeah.

[15:07] Yeah, understandably.

Elliott Kalan

[15:09] I can dream.

[15:10] But yeah, every...

[15:11] This...

[15:12] The movie...

[15:12] Every shot in the movie was like five times longer than it needed to be.

[15:15] Every scene was much too long.

[15:18] It was like the director told the actors, like...

[15:20] Listen...

Stuart Wellington

[15:21] If there is...

[15:22] Much too long for what?

Elliott Kalan

[15:23] There might be people who...

[15:24] For what they're getting across.

[15:25] Like, if there might be people in the audience...

[15:27] To tell a story or to make a movie a long movie.

[15:30] To increase...

[15:31] To make the audience interested in what was going on.

[15:33] Well, every shot was like...

[15:34] It was like he was saying to the actors, people in the audience might be coughing.

[15:38] So we need to have enough space between your words so that they can cough, not miss any of the dialogue.

Stuart Wellington

[15:43] We want people to be able to get up, go take a leisurely stroll to the bathroom, take a pee, pick up some popcorn, squirt some butter on that shit.

[15:51] Maybe they want to check their email.

[15:53] And not miss the end of the scene.

[15:54] Call their grandma.

Dan McCoy

[15:56] See, I thought that maybe it was like a directorial choice where like every shot is like the end of The Graduate.

[16:01] Where Mike Nichols was like, I'm just going to let this camera roll and just like let their faces relax.

[16:06] The end of Michael Clayton.

[16:09] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:10] But...

[16:10] Which I've heard...

[16:11] Did I talk to you guys about this?

[16:12] I remember who I heard it from.

[16:13] That when they were shooting that, that there were guys...

[16:15] Because they were in a car driving through New York.

[16:17] That the cars next to that would be like, hey, George Clooney!

[16:20] Hey!

[16:21] And he just had to ignore it and stare into the camera.

Dan McCoy

[16:25] Oh, man.

[16:25] That would have been awesome.

[16:27] That's how you...

Stuart Wellington

[16:29] I hope that's on the behind the scenes on the Blu-ray disc.

[16:33] I hope...

[16:33] The camera turning every now and then and seeing people honking their horns.

Elliott Kalan

[16:37] Hey, Clooney!

[16:38] You suck!

[16:38] Georgie!

[16:39] Georgie boy!

[16:41] Leatherheads!

Dan McCoy

[16:43] The Beastmaker!

[16:45] Good night and good luck.

[16:47] I love it.

Stuart Wellington

[16:48] Good stuff.

[16:49] Three Kings.

[16:50] Guys shouting at him from different cars would probably be shouting about good night and good luck.

[16:56] Siriana!

[16:56] Amazing!

Elliott Kalan

[16:57] It really brought the past to life.

Dan McCoy

[16:59] Guys shouting at him from 1940s films.

Elliott Kalan

[17:06] So it sounds like Andy Capp.

[17:10] Wait, Andy Capp has a voice?

[17:12] Come on.

[17:12] It's so vividly written that you can hear his voice in your head when you read it.

[17:18] So this movie was very long and boring.

Stuart Wellington

[17:20] Yeah, it was super long and boring.

[17:22] Rosario Dawson was in it.

[17:23] That's true.

[17:24] And she looked haggard.

[17:25] She looked very sickly, but she was playing a woman with a serious heart defect.

[17:29] I'm not saying that like, hey, Rosario Dawson, go eat a sandwich or something.

[17:32] No, she should.

[17:33] She looks very scary.

[17:34] Well, she should have in the movie.

[17:35] I don't know how she looks right now.

[17:37] She's not here or anything.

[17:38] From what I've seen, it looks pretty good.

[17:40] Not bad?

[17:41] Not bad.

[17:42] Okay.

[17:43] So, yeah, I guess Rosario Dawson was in the movie.

[17:47] Mm-hmm.

[17:48] What was Barry Pepper supposed to be doing for him?

Elliott Kalan

[17:50] He's like Will Smith's best friend who I guess is his accomplice in finding people?

[17:55] Yeah.

[17:56] Or he's the executor of the estate?

Stuart Wellington

[17:58] Yeah, I guess I can probably...

[18:01] He handles organ distribution.

[18:03] That sounds like...

[18:04] Or Smith Co.

[18:05] Will Smith's company.

[18:06] That sounds like his sitcom is executor of the estate.

[18:09] That sounds like a terrible sitcom.

[18:11] Yeah, where he's like...

[18:12] It's a sad sitcom.

Elliott Kalan

[18:12] He's right now trying to deal with this guy's estate all the time.

[18:15] I got this...

[18:16] This week on Executor of the estate, all these clowns died at once and I've got to figure

[18:21] out their wills?

[18:23] That's tonight on Executor of the estate.

[18:25] Yada da da da.

[18:26] That and Debbie has a new boyfriend.

[18:29] Sproing?

[18:30] That's tonight at 8.30.

[18:32] That's Sproing.

[18:33] Sproing is the show that follows.

[18:35] After an all new Golden Girls.

[18:36] Not a new Sproing.

[18:37] All new?

[18:38] Be Arthur just died, dude.

[18:41] That's impossible.

[18:42] It's Golden Girls the college years.

[18:45] It's a...

[18:45] It's Golden Girls 2010, but they're all going to Space University.

Stuart Wellington

[18:51] It's set in the 1920s and that college.

[18:54] But in going to Space...

[18:55] It's just like Galaxy High.

[18:57] Yeah, they had to go to Galaxy High.

Elliott Kalan

[18:58] It's just like Laverne and Shirley in space when they had a talking dog alien sidekick.

Dan McCoy

[19:04] Oh, man.

[19:04] Oh, wow.

[19:05] Seven pounds, huh?

Elliott Kalan

[19:08] We'll have to look up on Wikipedia why it was called Seven Pounds.

Stuart Wellington

[19:10] Maybe that's how much his heart weighed.

Elliott Kalan

[19:12] That might be it.

[19:13] Or like how much his organs put together work.

Stuart Wellington

[19:15] Because he gave his heart to Rosario Dawson.

[19:16] Yeah, which is very romantic.

[19:17] Both literally and I think figuratively.

[19:19] No.

[19:20] Oh, symbolism.

Elliott Kalan

[19:21] I think figuratively before literally.

Stuart Wellington

[19:24] I mean, they just did it once.

[19:26] Yeah.

[19:27] You don't have to love somebody to fuck them.

Elliott Kalan

[19:29] No, but they were crying and they were like singing songs to each other.

Stuart Wellington

[19:33] And she was just like, hold me.

[19:34] Do it slow.

[19:36] Yeah, make it last all night.

[19:37] Yeah, just I want to feel you bust inside me.

[19:42] Wow.

[19:42] You said that in the movie, right?

[19:43] Very romantic.

[19:45] Yeah.

[19:45] You're a sweet talker.

[19:46] Let me take off all your clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[19:48] I'll hook the phone so nobody knows.

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:53] I'll make love to you like you want me to and I'll hold you tight, baby, all through the night.

[19:57] Yeah, ladies.

Dan McCoy

[19:58] Yeah, that's...

[19:59] Look at this guy.

Elliott Kalan

[20:00] I know snatches of all sorts of songs.

Stuart Wellington

[20:04] You almost said snong.

Elliott Kalan

[20:05] I did, yeah.

[20:07] I'm somehow drunk on seven pounds.

Stuart Wellington

[20:09] Yeah, understandably.

[20:10] The sheer joy I got from seeing you two...

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] Man, that was just a good movie.

[20:14] The joy I got from seeing you two not enjoy this movie was priceless.

Dan McCoy

[20:18] I got up and paced a fair amount.

[20:19] Elliot was the one who suggested that we watch this one.

Elliott Kalan

[20:21] And I've suggested a couple movies in the past that I was disappointed in our ability

[20:26] to verbalize why we didn't like them.

[20:28] But this one, I think, it was just seeing how much you guys didn't like it.

[20:33] I didn't like it either.

[20:34] But just seeing your physical revulsion was fun for me.

Stuart Wellington

[20:38] The story of the fucking guy who runs the motel who was like, hey, you're not supposed

[20:42] to bring that fucking dog in here.

[20:44] You can't bring a jellyfish in.

[20:45] You can't bring a fucking jellyfish in here.

Dan McCoy

[20:47] You're not saying it in a borderline racist Mexican accent like the character did.

Stuart Wellington

[20:51] I'm...

[20:52] I'm...

[20:52] I actually am legally not allowed to do my racist Mexican accent anymore.

[20:56] I see.

[20:57] So the cops go up to him and they're like, hey, buddy, what the fuck?

[21:00] This dude killed himself with a jellyfish.

[21:02] And the guy's like, oh my god.

[21:04] Regrets.

[21:05] Let me see.

[21:06] Let me check the newspaper.

[21:07] Okay, this guy, he lost his arm.

[21:09] This guy needs eyeballs.

[21:12] Boom.

[21:12] Killed myself.

[21:13] This guy can have my arm and this guy has my eyeballs.

Elliott Kalan

[21:15] So you're saying it's a pay it forward type thing?

[21:17] Yeah.

[21:17] It's like...

[21:17] Everyone keeps killing themselves to give away their organs.

Stuart Wellington

[21:19] Absolutely.

[21:20] It's until nobody's left.

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] Wow.

[21:22] I feel like the last guy would probably not...

Dan McCoy

[21:26] No.

[21:26] He'd be a huge monster made out of other people's organs.

[21:28] At first it's heartwarming and it gets more and more horrifying.

[21:31] It was never heartwarming.

[21:32] Yeah.

[21:33] Like it's like a horrifying Ponzi scheme.

[21:36] Yep.

[21:36] But a backwards Ponzi scheme.

Stuart Wellington

[21:39] That's the movie I want to see.

[21:40] It's this terrible, sad movie.

[21:43] All the pain that Will's might create.

[21:44] You saw it.

Elliott Kalan

[21:44] It was called Seven Pounds.

[21:46] No, that movie was really good, right guys?

[21:49] Well, let's talk about whether it was good or not.

[21:51] Everything in the movie was shot in golden time.

[21:53] Like it's not...

Stuart Wellington

[21:55] Yeah, and you know what?

[21:56] I hate to sound like a classist, but any movie that opens with...

[22:03] I can't wait to hear where the sentence is going.

[22:07] Any movie that opens with like a really rich, clearly like, you know, clearly fit guy, attractive guy, I don't really care if he hits hard times.

[22:17] Hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[22:18] Oh, I thought it was going to be like, I don't want to sound like a classist, but why was he helping those poor people?

[22:22] No.

[22:23] They're not working hard enough.

Stuart Wellington

[22:24] I don't care that much when rich people have trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[22:27] No, no, of course.

[22:27] It's not...

[22:28] It's hard...

[22:29] Well, Hollywood movies seem to think that you're going to feel worse for a guy who had it all and then lost it than for a guy who never had it.

Stuart Wellington

[22:37] Yeah, and it's not like it's not like...

[22:38] You're always going to feel...

Elliott Kalan

[22:39] You're always going to want to be more sympathetic to a guy who was never happy than a guy who would like, I'm rich, I got a beautiful wife, this is great, ah, now it's gone.

Dan McCoy

[22:48] Oh, I accidentally killed my wife and other people by driving while using my Blackberry.

Elliott Kalan

[22:54] Yeah, which is stupid.

[22:55] On dead man's curve in the middle of the night when it was raining.

Stuart Wellington

[22:58] Yeah, like, what the fuck?

[23:00] Like, I guess they didn't teach him how to drive at MIT?

Elliott Kalan

[23:04] Whoa.

[23:05] I mean, come on, like...

[23:07] Yeah, but they make a point to say that.

[23:09] Yeah.

[23:10] It's...

[23:10] I don't care about it.

[23:11] Well, they talk about MIT as if it's...

[23:13] I mean, I guess it's a really...

[23:14] It's a great school for smart people, but...

Stuart Wellington

[23:16] But they throw that out there like, hey, audience...

[23:19] It's a great school for smart people.

Elliott Kalan

[23:21] No, no, but it's not like...

[23:22] I feel like we're not living in an age where it's like, you went to MIT?

[23:27] Fuck, you could write your...

[23:28] Write your ticket to anywhere in the world.

[23:31] But that's what it's like.

[23:32] MIT?

[23:32] It's like you're going to the Jedi Academy.

[23:34] They only take, like, two students a year.

[23:36] And those students have super brains.

[23:38] Like, it's...

[23:39] She's just amazingly impressed.

Dan McCoy

[23:40] Those students are baby geniuses.

Elliott Kalan

[23:42] They take them at age four and teach them to be philosopher kings so that they can rig our elections and run our republic.

Dan McCoy

[23:51] Wow.

[23:51] This podcast just turned into, like, paranoid ramblings.

[23:55] Well, that's straight from Play-Doh.

[23:56] Yeah, no, I totally agree with you.

[23:57] Straight from Play-Doh.

[23:58] It's...

Elliott Kalan

[23:58] They threw that in there exclusively to be like...

[24:01] They beamed things into my brain from their moon base.

[24:04] But they threw it in to make him even that much more perfect before the fall.

Stuart Wellington

[24:08] Hey, guys, he is really smart.

[24:11] But it felt like when...

[24:13] That's like when somebody's like, hey, this character wrote the most important book of our century.

[24:17] You're thinking of Lady in the Water specifically.

[24:19] For instance.

[24:20] Or, like, this guy is the funniest comedian in the universe.

[24:24] Yeah.

[24:24] Aliens actually sending fan mail.

[24:26] Like, that kind of bullshit.

Elliott Kalan

[24:27] Any movie where they tell you how great the main character is, but they give you no reason to think he's that great.

[24:33] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:34] Because he's clearly not that smart because he fucking killed himself because he accidentally killed some people.

Elliott Kalan

[24:38] Well, he also thinks the best way to test someone's nobility is to call them up on the phone and harass them at work.

Stuart Wellington

[24:43] And the smartest way to kill himself and not fuck up the organs is have a fucking jellyfish kill him,

[24:47] which somebody's going to fucking write me an email that's like,

[24:49] actually, jellyfish poison dissipates after the human body dies.

[24:53] I don't know why they'd write that to you.

Elliott Kalan

[24:55] You didn't write this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[24:56] Well...

[24:56] They should write it to the writer of Seven Pounds.

[24:58] No, but it's me complaining that clearly, like, that heart he just gave her is fucking stuffed full of jellyfish poison at this point.

Dan McCoy

[25:05] Yeah, maybe.

Stuart Wellington

[25:06] It would hit the bloodstream and go right into his heart, and then she's toast.

Dan McCoy

[25:09] I mean, I guess it would ruin the supposed surprise of this film that everyone predicts halfway through it, but...

[25:17] Well, that's the...

[25:17] Oh, it's it.

[25:18] But I feel like there should be something in there where he's like,

[25:22] Hmm, what's the least harmful way to kill someone?

[25:25] Yeah.

[25:26] Ah, jellyfish.

Elliott Kalan

[25:27] It would make more sense than if he was just obsessed with jellyfish since he was a kid.

Dan McCoy

[25:30] Because it's just such a weird, oddball way to kill himself, and nothing else in the film is oddball at all.

[25:37] It's all, like...

Elliott Kalan

[25:38] If he was like a Paul Dano character, it would make more sense for him to choose such a crazy way.

[25:44] Anyway.

[25:44] Speaking of could guess where the movie was going halfway through, if I could speak for

[25:50] a minute about A.O.

[25:52] Scott, the New York Times movie reviewer, who in his review for Seven Pounds talked about

[25:57] it as if he could not fathom what was going on in the film.

[26:01] He couldn't comprehend it, which seemed like...

[26:04] In the beginning, we were like, what's going on?

[26:06] But then it became pretty clear at a certain point.

Dan McCoy

[26:08] Yeah, but that's like the first, like, 15 minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[26:09] So I guess what I'm saying is, I don't know how old A.O. Scott is, but he's an old man

[26:12] with dementia, and he should no longer be writing film reviews.

[26:14] Whoa.

[26:15] Wow.

[26:15] This is also, man...

[26:16] His review for Shoot'em Up was like, this grim, like, ill-humored thing.

[26:21] You know, like, at one point, someone actually said, you know, I'm paraphrasing, but he,

[26:25] like, didn't get that it was a joke.

[26:26] So he's like, at some point, he actually says, what's up, doc?

[26:29] Like, not catching the parallel between Shoot'em Up and a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

[26:34] Anyway, that's my anti-New York Times film review rant of the day.

[26:39] And that's after Crazy Paranoid Rant.

[26:42] Yeah.

[26:42] The Crazy Paranoid Rant was not real.

[26:44] That I didn't believe in.

[26:46] Or do I?

[26:47] You're deluding yourself.

[26:48] Flophouse fans, write in, weigh in on this subject.

[26:51] Am I crazy paranoid?

Dan McCoy

[26:52] Flophouse podcast at gmail.com.

[26:54] That's crazy.

[26:56] That's another vague contest from the Floppers.

Stuart Wellington

[27:00] No rules, no prizes.

[27:03] Okay, so what's next, dude?

[27:05] Let's make our final judgments on this film.

[27:06] Final judgments.

Dan McCoy

[27:09] So is this a movie that was a good-bad movie, a bad-bad movie, or a movie that you actually

[27:15] liked in some way?

[27:16] Elliot, go.

Elliott Kalan

[27:17] Bad-bad movie.

[27:18] But I did like in some way, and by which I mean liked completely, seeing you guys not enjoy

[27:24] it.

Stuart Wellington

[27:25] Okay, wait, Dave, can you tell me those categories again?

[27:28] Good-bad.

[27:28] No.

[27:30] Movie you kind of liked.

[27:31] No.

[27:32] Bad-bad.

[27:33] Yes, it was a bad-bad movie.

[27:34] It was a terrible movie.

[27:35] It was fucking really long and boring.

[27:37] It's a, it's a, this is the kind of, I'll let you vote in a second, Dan, but.

[27:40] And I'm not even gonna talk about how, how crazy the fucking, like, morality of this movie

[27:44] is.

Elliott Kalan

[27:45] Yeah.

[27:46] But it's, it's, it's the kind of movie where you can't believe that at no stage during the

[27:51] production of it, people were like, wait, what?

[27:54] Wait, we're making this, I just realized this movie is shit.

[27:56] Like, why are we making this, you know?

[27:58] Yeah.

[27:59] Anyway, Dan, what did you think?

[28:00] Did you like it?

Dan McCoy

[28:01] Yeah.

[28:02] As Stuart might say, big fucking surprise, bad-bad.

[28:07] It's just long, slow, it's not wacky in any way other than the jellyfish.

[28:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:14] And even that, they, they de-whack as much as possible.

[28:16] Until the end.

Stuart Wellington

[28:17] There could have been him farting while in the bath, as he dies, like.

Elliott Kalan

[28:22] I don't know how that really helps it.

[28:24] That would have been a little wacky.

[28:26] What about, like, a cartoon rabbit that chases after him?

Dan McCoy

[28:29] Please, don't kill yourself.

Stuart Wellington

[28:31] Yeah, like a sidekick.

[28:33] Or a wisecracking, uh, cartoon, uh, taxi cab, maybe?

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] I wanted to know what, hey, beep, beep, give you a lift, buddy.

[28:41] Ooga.

[28:42] I wanted to know what that Great Dane was thinking through a lot of the movie.

[28:45] That was the most charismatic character in the whole film.

[28:47] Was the dog.

[28:49] Let's move on.

[28:50] Wait, not Barry Pepper?

[28:52] Barry, everyone in the movie looked haggard and tired and old and underfed.

[28:56] Yeah, Barry Pepper looked rough.

[28:57] Yeah, he looked very rough.

[28:59] Considering he looked healthier in Battlefield Earth when he's living in the future when

[29:03] cyclos have enslaved the human rat animals or whatever.

[29:07] I forgot what they called them.

Dan McCoy

[29:08] Was Barry Pepper in Paparazzi?

[29:10] I never saw Paparazzi.

Stuart Wellington

[29:11] Is that the one with...

[29:12] Was he the main character, are you asking?

[29:14] Or is he in the movie Paparazzi at all?

[29:14] He's not the main character.

[29:16] Is he in a...

[29:17] I don't think so.

[29:18] Paparazzi is, uh, what's his name, Cole Hauser?

[29:20] Cole Hauser.

[29:21] Yeah.

[29:21] As, like, Duke McClain or something.

Dan McCoy

[29:24] No, Bo Laramie is the character's name.

[29:27] Speaking of, uh...

[29:28] Bo Laramie.

Dan McCoy

[29:28] Ripped slab chest.

[29:29] Speaking of bad movies.

[29:30] That is a great bad movie.

[29:32] If you're looking for a bad movie, that's hilarious.

[29:34] Don't watch Seven Pounds.

[29:35] Yeah, watch Paparazzi.

[29:37] I don't think I've seen Paparazzi.

[29:38] Oh, we'll talk about it.

[29:39] Oh, fantastic.

[29:40] I just know Cole Hauser's in it.

[29:41] Yeah.

[29:42] As good as a film, uh, directed by Mel Gibson's hairdresser, uh, you would think it would be.

[29:49] So, let's, uh, talk about movies that we actually saw recently and enjoyed.

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] I'm just so haunted by Seven Pounds, I can't get it out of my mind.

[29:58] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:59] Um, I'll go first.

[30:01] Uh, I actually watched this a little while ago.

[30:04] Um, it's on, uh, the Netflix, uh, Watch Instantly.

[30:07] So, you guys, pull open your web browser, go over to your instant queue, and get ready

[30:13] to queue up the movie, Tell No One.

[30:17] It's a, uh, it's a French...

Dan McCoy

[30:19] Wait, are we supposed to tell no one about the movie?

Stuart Wellington

[30:21] No, the movie's titled Tell No One.

[30:23] Oh!

Elliott Kalan

[30:23] How are we supposed to know what the title is if you won't tell us?

Stuart Wellington

[30:26] Okay, guys.

[30:27] Joke time's over.

[30:29] The movie title is Tell No One.

[30:31] And, uh, it's a French thriller about a guy...

[30:34] I love joke time.

[30:35] Well, uh, well...

[30:37] There's a time and place, so...

[30:38] Yeah, joke time.

[30:39] This French guy, right?

[30:41] He...

[30:41] His wife gets...

[30:42] His wife gets killed, and then eight years later...

[30:45] Jacques...

[30:46] Sacre bleu!

[30:47] Exactly.

[30:48] Uh, he gets an email from her.

[30:50] Zat Allors.

[30:51] Exactly.

[30:53] Like, what would you do?

[30:54] And, well, that's what...

[30:55] That...

[30:56] The movie answers those questions.

[30:57] Oh, so Mark Summers hosts it.

[30:58] It's...

[30:58] Yep.

[30:59] It's, uh, it's really good.

[31:01] So, totally check it out.

[31:03] Just take, uh...

[31:05] Tell No One.

[31:06] Drag it over into your cue box, and release.

[31:10] Click, and...

[31:11] Good.

[31:12] Now you're just watching.

[31:12] That sounds dirty when Stuart says it.

[31:15] Uh, so...

[31:16] Elliot...

[31:16] Just drag and click it.

[31:17] Thrust it into your view box.

[31:19] Yeah.

[31:19] Elliot, it looks like, uh, you're...

[31:21] You've watched a lot of movies lately.

[31:23] I have.

[31:23] So, what do you want to recommend?

Elliott Kalan

[31:25] Uh, I haven't seen too much lately that I really loved.

[31:29] Uh...

[31:30] Star Trek?

[31:30] Star Trek I haven't seen yet.

[31:32] Uh, but...

[31:33] X-Men Origins, Wolverine Saga?

[31:35] That I didn't see.

[31:36] Probably not gonna see it until we watch it for the Flophouse.

[31:39] Uh, I think...

[31:41] Did I...

[31:41] I don't remember if I recommended Real Life in this podcast yet?

Dan McCoy

[31:45] I don't...

[31:45] I...

[31:46] Yes.

[31:47] I don't remember.

[31:48] Did I?

[31:48] Wait, no.

[31:49] You recommended, uh, Modern Romance.

[31:52] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[31:52] Well, I saw Real Life for the first time about a month ago, I guess.

[31:55] I'd never seen it, because I'm filling in the holes of my Albert Brooks Good Era films.

[32:00] And, uh, that was very funny, and I recommend it.

[32:02] The ending is kind of a...

[32:03] Kind of...

[32:04] It kind of falls flat at the end, but there are a lot of very funny scenes with Albert Brooks

[32:09] and, uh, Charles Grodin.

[32:11] Albert Brooks playing himself as a documentary filmmaker, making a movie about an average

[32:15] American family, uh, and basically destroying their lives.

[32:20] And it's a loose parody of the American Family TV miniseries that was on PBS in the 70s,

[32:25] uh, in which they, like, just kind of stuck around a family, and it just happened to coincide

[32:32] with that family falling apart at the seams.

[32:35] Uh, the son coming out of the closet to the family's consternation, the husband and wife

[32:39] divorcing.

[32:40] So, and, uh, the fact that they were being filmed for television made everything worse.

[32:44] So, real life is a joke version of that, and it was very funny.

[32:48] Excellent.

[32:49] I recommend it.

Dan McCoy

[32:50] So, um, I haven't watched that much recently.

[32:55] I, uh, I was watching Marx Brothers movies lately, or, uh, the other last week.

[33:02] Do they have a new one out?

[33:03] Yeah.

[33:04] Oh, my God.

[33:05] So prolific.

[33:07] The Judd Apatow of, of, of now.

[33:10] I guess now.

[33:12] I guess that would be Judd Apatow.

[33:13] Right now.

[33:13] Yeah.

[33:14] Anyway.

[33:15] Um, I watched At the Circus, which is not as good as I remembered.

[33:19] So, I'm not recommending At the Circus.

[33:22] If you, if, like me, you watched At the Circus as a child and thought, oh, this is a pretty

[33:27] good Marx Brothers movie, and then wanted to revisit it as an adult, do not do that.

[33:31] You'll be disappointed.

[33:32] Or just fast forward to the scene where they're in a, uh, midget's house, and it's a small house,

[33:38] and they're ducking over it the whole time, and, uh, there's some shenanigans with cigars.

[33:43] Uh, instead, I recommend the lesser Marx Brothers film, Monkey Business.

[33:50] Okay.

[33:51] A lot of, uh, you know, I, I figure if you're a Marx Brothers fan, you, you've watched Duck

[33:58] Soup, you've watched Night at the Opera, you've watched Animal Crackers.

[34:01] Wait, Dario Argento's Opera?

[34:03] Uh-huh.

[34:04] Yes.

[34:05] Dario Argento's The Marx Brothers is A Night at the Opera.

Elliott Kalan

[34:08] Dario Argento's Marx Brothers movie in which, uh, the plot makes no sense, and Chico gets

[34:13] his throat cut, and there's a lot of bold colors, and people think it's great because

[34:17] it's not in English.

[34:19] But, uh.

[34:19] Unless you watch the dubbed version, which is in English.

Dan McCoy

[34:22] But, uh.

[34:22] But, Monkey Business is good, and it's 77 minutes long, so if you want to watch something

[34:27] that's short and funny.

[34:29] Seven pounds?

[34:29] Like 11, 11 seven poundses.

[34:31] Yeah.

[34:31] Uh, I recommend Monkey Business.

Stuart Wellington

[34:37] So, uh, that was three votes for seven pounds.

Elliott Kalan

[34:41] So, seven pounds is the hit of the year.

Dan McCoy

[34:44] So, that's like, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[34:46] It's amazing that this slow, uh, depressing, uh, confusing movie never, wasn't a big hit.

[34:54] Yeah, you'd think.

Stuart Wellington

[34:55] Like, I mean, it's got a big star.

[34:57] Will Smith, one of the biggest.

Elliott Kalan

[34:58] Okay, well, Barry Pepper is liked by people.

Stuart Wellington

[35:02] But, yeah, you were saying something about Will Smith.

Elliott Kalan

[35:04] Will Smith, he's one of the biggest stars in the world.

Stuart Wellington

[35:06] Yeah, he was in that Hancock movie.

Elliott Kalan

[35:08] Yeah, among other things.

[35:09] That was his most recent blockbuster.

Stuart Wellington

[35:12] Um, he was probably in some other stuff, right?

[35:15] He was on that show, The Fresh Prince.

Elliott Kalan

[35:17] Yeah, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.

Stuart Wellington

[35:18] Yeah, I mean, he's a popular guy.

Elliott Kalan

[35:20] He hasn't really done too much in between.

[35:22] Yeah.

[35:23] Fresh Prince and Hancock.

Dan McCoy

[35:24] I think, uh, I think Will Smith just got suckered in by the original script of this film.

[35:30] Uh.

[35:31] Which was what, an action thriller?

[35:32] Which was named 112 Ounces.

[35:34] And he just really liked it.

Stuart Wellington

[35:37] It makes more sense.

[35:38] Maybe.

[35:39] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[35:39] Now I have no idea.

[35:41] It's just like, I don't see any reason why.

[35:44] It just doesn't make sense why he'd want to make this movie.

[35:46] Or anyone would want to watch it.

[35:48] Although, here's one reason to watch it.

[35:50] To watch your friends not enjoying it even more than you do.

Dan McCoy

[35:54] Why don't you, uh, out there in listener land, why don't you call up your friends and be like,

[35:59] Hey, I got a great movie to show you guys.

[36:02] This is gonna be so much fun.

[36:02] You're gonna love it.

[36:04] We're gonna have a great movie night.

[36:05] We're gonna pop some popcorn, have some beers.

[36:07] Will Smith's in it.

[36:07] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[36:08] It's probably like Bad Boys 3.

[36:09] I hear it's really campy.

Dan McCoy

[36:11] And then, and then excuse yourself to go to the restroom and go hide behind your one-way mirror.

[36:16] Two-way mirror.

[36:17] And watch the two-way mirror.

[36:18] Yeah, one-way would be weird.

Elliott Kalan

[36:20] Go behind your one-way mirror and just stare at the backing.

[36:23] Because you can't see through it.

[36:25] And just imagine what it's like in that room.

[36:28] With them not enjoying themselves.

[36:30] Listening, occasionally giggling to yourself.

[36:33] And rubbing your hands.

[36:34] Yeah, like a scheming miser in a dick in the story.

[36:37] What you don't understand is it.

[36:37] Then go over to your portrait with the cut-out eyes.

[36:41] And look from side to side so the audience at home can tell you're looking through the portrait.

[36:45] Occasionally accidentally knocking over a beer bottle.

Dan McCoy

[36:47] Yeah.

[36:47] Well, no, in this scenario you have some sort of phobia or mental problem that causes you to hide behind the mirror.

[36:55] Because that's the only place you feel comfortable and safe.

[36:56] Well, you think you're in mirror land at that point.

[36:59] With Kiefer Sutherland.

Elliott Kalan

[37:01] Oh, seven pounds.

[37:03] It was like seven pounds of crap in a two-pound bag.

[37:08] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[37:08] I don't even know what that would look like.

[37:11] Well, like most bags are way less than the stuff they're carrying.

[37:15] I imagine it would be bursting.

[37:16] This bag is made out of like Kevlar.

[37:17] So it's just heavy.

[37:18] Yeah, they're bursting in the seams with.

[37:21] Or like a bag that's designed to carry only two pounds of crap.

[37:24] Is that what you're suggesting?

[37:25] Well, that's usually what the saying means.

[37:26] Yeah.

[37:27] I guess, usually.

[37:29] Like, when do you hear that saying?

[37:31] All the time.

[37:32] Come on.

[37:32] Check your brain at the door, man.

[37:34] Interviews of seven pounds.

[37:35] Don't use the check your brain at the door excuse.

[37:38] So, anything else?

Dan McCoy

[37:39] Any other benefits?

[37:39] Do we have any letters from readers?

[37:41] No, we don't.

[37:42] We don't.

[37:42] Seven pounds has been so crappy that we're talking for less time than usual.

[37:46] So we should just sign off.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] Listeners, send us some letters.

[37:49] Tell us what you think.

[37:50] What's that address again?

Stuart Wellington

[37:52] Berate Elliot for not letting us watch Beverly Hills Chihuahua for the fourth week.

[37:56] We can watch it next time.

Elliott Kalan

[37:59] The Flophouse Podcast.

[38:00] Why do you want to watch Beverly Hills Chihuahuas so badly?

[38:03] At gmail.com.

Stuart Wellington

[38:04] I just want to see what's going on with that chihuahua.

[38:07] I bet he gets into adventures.

[38:09] Scrapes.

[38:10] And dog-based comedies are always funny.

[38:12] No, they're not.

Dan McCoy

[38:13] Beethoven.

Stuart Wellington

[38:14] Beethoven's second.

[38:16] All that shit.

Dan McCoy

[38:16] The comic Marmaduke.

[38:18] Yeah, duh.

[38:19] Benji the Hunted.

[38:20] Yeah.

[38:21] The great...

Elliott Kalan

[38:21] What was that?

[38:22] Oh, Heavenly Dog.

Dan McCoy

[38:23] What was that journey movie?

[38:24] All Dogs Go to Heaven.

Elliott Kalan

[38:25] The one Milo...

[38:26] Alto.

[38:26] Milo and Otis.

[38:29] All these things.

[38:30] Fox and the Hound.

[38:31] Mm-hmm.

[38:32] Snoop Dog's Girls Gone Wild.

[38:34] Yep.

[38:35] You're right.

[38:35] Oh, hilarious.

[38:36] Oh, Man Bites Dog.

[38:38] Hilarious.

Dan McCoy

[38:39] Hilarious film.

[38:40] Dogville.

Elliott Kalan

[38:42] Straw Dogs.

[38:43] Those old shorts where it was...

[38:45] They would dress dogs up in costumes and have them pretend to do scenes from movies.

Dan McCoy

[38:50] Hilarious.

[38:51] Okay.

[38:51] William Wegman's work.

Stuart Wellington

[38:54] Those aren't movies.

[38:55] Those are still photos.

[38:56] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[38:57] So, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[38:58] Well, I've been Stuart Weldon.

[38:59] My life as a dog.

Elliott Kalan

[39:00] I've been Dan McCoy.

[39:02] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[39:03] Good night.

[39:04] And remain so.

[39:04] Elliot Kalin.

[39:05] Good night.

[39:09] You want to know something interesting, guys?

[39:11] This happened today at work.

[39:13] A guy brought in two pasta bread bowls from Domino's.

[39:16] Oh, man.

[39:17] So we could try them.

[39:19] Sounds delicious.

[39:20] And one of the dogs in the audience sniffed around it and walked away.

[39:25] Did not recognize the pasta bread bowl as a source of food.

[39:29] And every time the dog would approach it, we'd be like, ah, and then she'd just turn her head and walk away.

[39:37] Awesome.

Stuart Wellington

[39:39] Why was there a dog in the audience?

[39:41] No, in the office.

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] Oh, why was there a dog in the office?

[39:43] Yeah, they said audience.

[39:44] We have, like, we have, oh, sorry, we have, I might have said audience.

Stuart Wellington

[39:46] Is it a staff rider?

Elliott Kalan

[39:48] Yes, yeah.

[39:49] No, we have two or three.

Stuart Wellington

[39:50] Like, let's get, let's get a dog's opinion on this joke.

Elliott Kalan

[39:53] We need a perspective only a dog can provide.

[39:56] We have no female riders, but we do have two dogs.

[39:58] Pawprint, pawprint, pawprint.

[40:00] life you done it again

The Flop House: Episode #37 - Seven Pounds

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