The Flop House: Episode #44 - Knowing

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we continue to chronicle the mysterious twists in Nicolas Cage's acting career.

[0:06] We discuss knowing.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:36] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:37] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] I'm Elliot Kalin, don't you know?

[0:41] So, we're all back together.

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] Yeah, the team.

Dan McCoy

[0:46] The first time in over a month.

Stuart Wellington

[0:48] That's crazy.

[0:49] I know, I missed you guys.

[0:50] I missed the warmth of your personality.

[0:52] And I missed you.

Dan McCoy

[0:53] What did you miss most about me, Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[0:55] I missed the way you look at me after.

[0:57] Okay, I'll take it.

Dan McCoy

[0:59] Elliot, how are you doing?

Stuart Wellington

[1:01] A-okay, buddy.

[1:02] Didn't you guys just get back from Fire Island?

Dan McCoy

[1:04] Well, not the gay part of Fire Island.

Stuart Wellington

[1:05] Yeah, with your significant others.

[1:07] Which is not to say that I'm not...

[1:08] That was over a week ago.

Dan McCoy

[1:10] I'm not disparaging the homosexual lifestyle.

[1:13] I just want to make it clear that Elliot and I aren't gay lovers.

[1:16] Wait, we're not?

[1:17] So that didn't mean anything to you?

[1:19] Well, it meant something.

[1:22] It meant something on the side.

[1:23] I don't want you to think that I'm committing to you and me for the rest of our lives.

[1:27] That's exactly what I thought.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28] Are you guys just experiencing college homosexuality where you try something new while you're in college?

[1:34] Mm-hmm.

[1:34] Yep.

[1:35] Saffo more year.

Dan McCoy

[1:35] We're bugs.

[1:37] Bisexual until graduation.

[1:39] So the movie we watched today...

[1:41] You're telling me you never heard that phrase?

[1:42] We went to the same college.

[1:44] The same college filled with experimenting ladies.

[1:48] You guys had vastly different experiences at college.

Stuart Wellington

[1:51] Wait, there were experimenting ladies at our college?

[1:53] Mm-hmm.

[1:54] Well, if I hadn't spent so much time studying for my religious studies degree...

[1:58] Ha ha!

[2:00] ...I maybe would have noticed it and disapproved.

[2:02] All right.

Dan McCoy

[2:03] Well, now that we've possibly offended our audience...

[2:06] I doubt it.

[2:06] ...whatever.

[2:07] We want to say that...

Elliott Kalan

[2:09] Well, we've lost that GLAAD award for podcast of the year.

[2:12] Look, we are...

[2:12] Ha ha ha!

Dan McCoy

[2:14] Jokes aside...

Stuart Wellington

[2:15] Most boners created by a podcast.

Dan McCoy

[2:17] Let's just say that we are the podcast that watches a bad movie and then talks about it.

[2:22] Yeah!

[2:23] That's our M.O.

[2:24] Mo.

[2:25] And tonight's movie is one that we've been saving up until all three of us can be together.

[2:29] You've been saving up.

[2:31] Yeah.

[2:31] Well, Ellie, you didn't want us to watch it without you.

Elliott Kalan

[2:35] No, I wanted to see it.

Dan McCoy

[2:36] Yeah.

[2:37] We watched Knowing.

[2:38] Wait, what did we watch?

[2:39] Knowing.

[2:41] Wait, Nicolas Cage is in it, right?

[2:43] Yes.

[2:44] Okay.

[2:44] Flop House favorite, Nicolas Cage.

[2:46] Sure.

[2:46] Along with a cast of almost unknown.

[2:49] Of many.

Elliott Kalan

[2:49] Literally handfuls.

[2:51] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:51] How many...

[2:52] What other Nicolas Cage movies did we watch on this thing?

Elliott Kalan

[2:54] Bangkok Dangerous.

[2:55] Uh-huh.

[2:55] And next.

Stuart Wellington

[2:56] That was fucking shitty.

Elliott Kalan

[2:57] That was bad.

[2:58] This was bad, too.

Stuart Wellington

[2:59] And next.

[3:00] And next, which I wasn't aware of.

[3:01] Ghost Rider?

[3:01] Mm-mm.

[3:02] Oh, I watched that on my own.

Dan McCoy

[3:03] I think we all watched that under our own auspices.

[3:07] I still haven't seen it.

[3:08] Really?

[3:08] Yeah.

[3:09] I'd say check it out.

Stuart Wellington

[3:10] Wait, was he in Premonition, or...

[3:12] No.

[3:12] That was Sandra Bullock.

[3:13] He's in every single future movie.

[3:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:16] You're conflating Premonition and next, I think.

[3:18] Oh, good.

[3:19] The movie where Nicolas Cage knew what happened.

[3:22] Next.

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] This is Nicolas Cage's second seeing the future movie.

[3:26] Peggy Sue got married.

Stuart Wellington

[3:27] Do you count that?

[3:28] No.

[3:29] Okay.

[3:30] I'm going to call...

[3:30] What about Once Bitten?

Elliott Kalan

[3:32] No.

[3:32] He turns into a vampire.

[3:33] And that's not even his.

[3:35] Once Bitten.

[3:37] Is this, what, Kiss of the Vampire?

[3:39] Vampire's Kiss.

[3:40] Vampire's Kiss.

[3:41] Once Bitten is a Jim Carrey movie.

Stuart Wellington

[3:43] Wait.

[3:44] Earth Girls are easy?

[3:45] No.

[3:45] And Nicolas Cage also...

[3:47] Oh, Valley Girls.

[3:48] What I'm thinking.

Dan McCoy

[3:48] For a second, I thought you were thinking of the George Hamilton vampire film.

[3:52] What's that one?

[3:53] Dracula the Gay Blade?

[3:54] Yeah, that's it.

[3:55] No.

[3:56] That's not it.

Stuart Wellington

[3:57] Wait, he played a gay Dracula?

[3:59] No.

Dan McCoy

[4:01] Gay-acula.

[4:01] They called it...

[4:02] That's a lazy joke.

[4:04] Draco gay.

[4:05] That was during the gay-splotation trend of the 70s.

[4:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:09] Was Sean Hayes in it?

[4:12] Hey, I can make a good joke.

[4:14] So, we watched the movie...

[4:15] And else we're gay, too.

[4:17] Yeah, thanks.

[4:18] A little late.

[4:18] But that's cool.

Elliott Kalan

[4:19] So, we watched the movie Knowing, right, guys?

Stuart Wellington

[4:21] Yes, we watched the movie Knowing.

Dan McCoy

[4:23] What the fuck was this movie about again?

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] Let me tell you what this movie...

[4:25] I have no fucking clue.

[4:26] Well, let me tell you what this movie was about.

[4:28] Nicolas Cage is a scientist-slash-professor at MIT, or MIT, as it's also known to people.

[4:33] His son gets...

[4:35] Caleb.

[4:36] His son, Caleb, who is...

[4:37] Who's like deaf or something, right?

[4:38] But he's a little hard of hearing and also a nerd weirdo kid.

Dan McCoy

[4:42] Although, I'd like to point out that in the scenes where he's not wearing his hearing aid,

[4:46] he appears to be hearing...

[4:46] He can hear fine.

[4:47] Just fine.

Elliott Kalan

[4:48] He seems to wear the hearing aid as an affectation.

[4:50] And Nicolas Cage is a single father, widower.

[4:52] His son...

Dan McCoy

[4:53] Just trying to make it in the world.

Elliott Kalan

[4:55] Yeah, exactly.

[4:56] His son acquires from a time capsule buried at his school 50 years ago a piece of paper

[5:02] with lots of random numbers written on it, written by a creepy girl in the 1950s.

[5:08] It soon turns out, however, Nicolas Cage discovers by applying his eyes and bourbon...

[5:15] By applying...

Dan McCoy

[5:15] Yeah.

[5:16] By applying whiskey to paper.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] That he...

[5:20] That these numbers match up to disasters or catastrophes or terrorist acts, things where lots of people

[5:27] died, where they say the date and the body count.

[5:30] Get the fuck out of here.

[5:31] And sometimes...

Dan McCoy

[5:31] Not lots, because let's point out that the lowest body count that we see in the movie is...

[5:37] One of the disasters is 33 people dead.

[5:39] So apparently, if 33 people or more die in one shot...

[5:43] That's still a lot of people.

[5:44] That's still a good number of people.

[5:45] I mean...

[5:46] Yeah, but since 1959, when this was written, like how...

[5:49] This piece of paper would be much larger if every incident were 33 people died in one shot.

[5:54] You're right.

Elliott Kalan

[5:54] Okay.

[5:55] So, he finds out...

[5:57] I mean, it's 32 too many, if you ask me.

[6:00] One would be okay, is what you're saying.

[6:01] One would be thumbs up.

[6:02] Okay.

[6:04] He finds out that it's also predicting other disasters.

[6:07] He finds out that the numbers match up to the longitude and latitude he just happens

[6:11] to be on one day, and a plane crashes, and people are stumbling out of the plane on fire,

[6:16] and he can't save any of them because he's incompetent.

[6:19] And he can't dispel CGI flames.

[6:22] Yes, exactly.

[6:22] To make a long story short, because the movie was way too long...

[6:26] Super long.

[6:26] He meets up with the daughter of the woman who wrote these numbers many years ago.

Dan McCoy

[6:32] Played by Rose Byrne of 28 Weeks Later, and the hit show Damages.

[6:37] Rose Byrne went close.

Stuart Wellington

[6:38] I think you put it really well, Elliot, when you said she seemed like an achievable Salma Hayek.

[6:44] Was I the one who said that?

[6:45] Or I said it.

Elliott Kalan

[6:46] One of us said something like that.

Stuart Wellington

[6:48] Like if you were at a bar and you were hitting on Salma Hayek, and she turned you down,

[6:52] you'd be like, okay, Rose Byrne will do.

[6:54] I don't know.

[6:54] You'd be at like a cabana bar.

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:57] You're at Cabo Wabo.

[6:58] Yeah, you'd be at a swim-up bar.

Dan McCoy

[7:00] My wife saw her on the subway once, so she seems attainable.

[7:04] Yeah, for reals?

[7:05] The subway.

[7:06] No, Rose Byrne.

[7:06] I saw Hope Davis on the subway once.

[7:08] That's weird.

[7:09] Well, she's also attainable.

[7:10] Ouch.

[7:11] Take that, Hope Davis.

[7:11] For real?

[7:12] Yeah, why don't you check her out?

[7:15] Take that American Splendor Star.

[7:15] Well, like on the internet?

[7:18] Stuart, why don't you do Hope Davis?

Elliott Kalan

[7:20] Just type H-O-P-E-D-A-V-I-S into your phone, and it'll call her.

[7:24] Or can't I just shout at my phone until it calls her?

Stuart Wellington

[7:27] Phone.

[7:28] Hope Davis.

[7:29] Hope Davis.

[7:31] Yeah, there's like an app.

Elliott Kalan

[7:32] I got some kind of an app that'll be there.

[7:34] There's gotta be an app for that.

[7:35] Sure.

[7:35] That you can say the name and it calls it.

[7:36] Anyway.

[7:37] I don't know if my girlfriend would like that.

[7:39] He meets up with Rose Byrne, who also has, is also a single parent with a daughter, who,

[7:44] and it turns out the daughter and the son.

Stuart Wellington

[7:45] Oh, that's convenient, because it's like puzzle pieces.

Elliott Kalan

[7:47] The daughter and the son have all.

[7:49] It's like step-by-step.

[7:50] Yeah, it's just like step-by-step.

[7:52] Except without the wacky older cousin who lives in a van.

Stuart Wellington

[7:55] Or the Brady Bunch, which is more appropriate.

Elliott Kalan

[7:57] Except less of them.

Stuart Wellington

[7:58] Yeah, a little more well-known.

[8:00] Well, step-by-step is basically the Brady Bunch.

Elliott Kalan

[8:02] Anyway, I'm glad we made that point.

[8:04] Thanks, dude.

[8:05] It turns out the son and the daughter have both been hearing whispers from mysterious beings.

[8:10] Mm-hmm.

[8:10] And disasters happen, disasters happen.

[8:13] Turns out there's gonna be a big solar flare that wipes out all life on Earth.

[8:17] Mysterious beings turn out to be alien angels take the son and the daughter up into the stars,

[8:22] and the Earth is destroyed in a fireball.

[8:25] The end.

[8:26] Oh, and we see the son and daughter on an idyllic planet where there is also a tree representing

[8:31] the Garden of Eden and Tree of Knowledge.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] Not the ending that one would expect at the beginning of the movie based on the beginning

[8:38] of the movie.

[8:39] Yeah.

[8:39] Wait, really?

[8:40] I thought that was like a...

Stuart Wellington

[8:41] I thought it was representing that tree of knowledge that Odin hung from.

[8:45] He just still don't know what it is.

[8:46] Yeah, when he gave up his eye.

Elliott Kalan

[8:48] The Tree of the World?

[8:49] That could be it, too.

[8:50] Either way, it's representing knowledge.

[8:53] Possibly gained in a way that causes more pain than it's worth.

[8:57] Sure.

[8:57] Or aliens.

[8:59] Or aliens.

[9:00] But it does feel like at a certain point the movie makes a hard left turn into a different

[9:05] movie.

[9:05] So wait, why are the aliens telling people this shit?

[9:10] Well, the real question is why aren't they telling more people this shit?

[9:13] Since they seem to be communicating over 50 year intervals with two children at a time.

[9:18] Yeah.

[9:18] Through whispers and numbers.

Stuart Wellington

[9:20] But why are they telling them these numbers?

[9:23] Like, does it matter?

[9:24] By the way...

[9:25] Shouldn't they just be telling the kids, like, hey, at some point we're going to show up

[9:29] and you should come with us?

Elliott Kalan

[9:30] I think they're kind of whispering that to them.

[9:33] But it takes a while for the kids to understand the message.

Dan McCoy

[9:35] Oh, figure out that they're just telling them the numbers.

[9:36] And by the way...

Elliott Kalan

[9:37] The real question is why don't the aliens come down to Earth and say, listen people, your

[9:40] world's going to be destroyed.

[9:41] We're going to take your kids so that they can live on...

Dan McCoy

[9:43] Well, just two of them.

[9:44] We're going to take two of your kids.

Elliott Kalan

[9:45] Just two and we'll repopulate the Earth.

Dan McCoy

[9:47] One of them is the child of someone we gave these numbers to.

[9:50] The grandchild.

[9:51] The other of whom coincidentally received these numbers through a time capsule.

[9:57] Isn't that a fucking kick in the head?

[9:59] Yeah, it is weird, right?

[10:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:00] But Nicolas Cage mumbles his way through the film.

[10:03] So does everybody else.

[10:05] The whole movie is kind of a brown look.

[10:07] You had the volume turned up super high, right?

Dan McCoy

[10:09] I had to keep...

[10:10] I don't know whether this is just the fact that I do not have a 5.1 surround sound system

[10:14] in my home.

[10:15] Boo!

Elliott Kalan

[10:16] Or the fact that this movie is really...

[10:18] I thought we were professionals, Dan.

[10:19] Yeah, come on.

[10:20] I'm sorry.

[10:20] You need gold cable, too.

[10:22] Are you using gold cable?

[10:23] No, but I think...

[10:24] It's the best kind.

[10:25] Even so...

[10:25] It's why it's $60, $180 for cable.

Dan McCoy

[10:28] Even so, this movie was mixed really weird because I would have to constantly, whenever there

[10:34] was a special effects sequence turned the sound way down to keep us from waking the various children who live in this brownstone in other apartments.

[10:45] And then whenever someone talked, I would have to turn the sound way up because everyone in this movie is whispering.

[10:52] Yeah.

[10:52] Or mumbling.

[10:53] Okay.

[10:53] And if they're Nicolas Cage, they're whispering affectlessly.

[10:56] Like, they have no emotion at all.

[10:59] They didn't seem to care that much.

[11:01] Well, his wife died.

[11:02] You know, so I don't know if you realize this, too.

[11:04] But once your wife dies...

[11:05] You lose the capacity to feel emotion.

[11:07] Yeah, or at least express emotion in your voice.

[11:10] When my wife died...

[11:12] Okay, I can't pull it off.

[11:13] That never happened.

Stuart Wellington

[11:14] When my wife died...

[11:16] So, guys, let's get down to brass tacks.

[11:18] Glug, glug, glug, glug, because he drank so much.

[11:20] You know, the audiences out there, you know, they're listening to us.

[11:24] They're like, okay, guys, let's get to the meat of this podcast.

[11:26] How were the disasters?

Elliott Kalan

[11:28] And I gotta say, pretty good.

Stuart Wellington

[11:30] Yeah, they looked a lot like computers made them, but still, that was pretty cool.

Elliott Kalan

[11:34] Even, I have to say, I was one over...

[11:36] The first disaster with the plane crashing, too computery, didn't like it.

[11:40] I liked it.

[11:41] The second disaster where a subway car for no reason...

[11:44] In Toronto.

[11:45] In Toronto, supposed to be New York, but it looks like some sort of gray Canadian 1984 type world.

[11:52] The train, for some reason, jumps its tracks and just slides face first, smashes into the platform,

[11:59] and is just crushing people along the way.

[12:02] And it looked really computery, but it was still pretty neat.

Stuart Wellington

[12:04] Yeah, it was like that scene in Die Hard with a Vengeance when the same thing happens.

Elliott Kalan

[12:08] It was like the end of Silver Streak, except instead of nobody dying, hundreds of people die.

Stuart Wellington

[12:13] Yeah, it was pretty cool to watch people bounce off the front of that subway car.

Elliott Kalan

[12:16] Except, like Silver Streak, they use a real train and it bursts through a wall and it looks great.

[12:21] This, they use a computer train and it looks stupid.

Dan McCoy

[12:23] Well, I think you're shortchanging the first disaster, Elliot, though.

[12:27] Because, all right, what happens in the first disaster, he realizes that these numbers he's found don't refer just to time,

[12:34] but they refer to latitude and longitude because he has his GPS and his car.

Stuart Wellington

[12:38] And I'm shocked it took him that long to fucking figure that shit out.

[12:41] Like, I assumed it was going to do something like that.

Elliott Kalan

[12:44] This is a guy who, he goes to visit an old lady teacher, the old lady teacher who had the crazy student, Lucinda.

[12:49] And she says, oh, we found her scratching something into the, scratching numbers into the inside of a cabinet door until her fingers were bleeding.

[12:57] And Nicolas Cage is like, oh, okay, interesting.

[13:00] And then, like, an hour later when the movie's almost over, he's like, oh, that door!

[13:04] I better go see what it said!

[13:07] Like, okay.

[13:07] The 50-year-old door that never got replaced.

[13:10] It got painted over, but it never got replaced.

Dan McCoy

[13:12] For an MIT professor, he's a little slow is what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[13:14] For an MIT professor, also, his, as you were pointing out, when he's, the one time we see him teaching in class,

[13:19] he's got all these equations up on the board, but he's asking his students, like, tell me about the sun.

[13:24] How big is it?

[13:25] The sun's really hot.

[13:27] How far away from the earth is it?

[13:29] What's this thing made out of, magic?

[13:30] He's also, he's a bad science professor in the same way that Mark Wahlberg is in The Happening,

[13:36] where in The Happening, Mark Wahlberg is like, the bees are disappearing.

[13:39] What do you have to say about that class?

[13:40] And the student goes, we'll never know.

[13:42] And he goes, you're right.

[13:43] Some things are just mysteries.

[13:46] And in this one, Nicolas Cage is like, science tells us that we have no free will

[13:51] and everything is determined from the beginning of the universe to the end.

[13:54] It's God's plan.

[13:55] He doesn't say it's God's plan, but it's implied that it is.

[13:58] For some reason in Hollywood, they think scientists are priests.

Dan McCoy

[14:02] Well, yeah.

[14:03] But, I mean, get back to the disaster, though.

[14:05] Like, Nicolas Cage just happens to be at the longitude and latitude that this disaster is going to occur.

[14:11] Predetermined, Dan.

[14:11] Yeah, predetermined by the angel aliens, I guess.

[14:14] Speaking through a girl in 1959.

[14:17] But then the plane crashes on the highway, and he goes to try and help people.

[14:24] And there's an amazing number of people who are still alive from the crash, like passengers.

[14:29] But not just still alive.

[14:31] Arms and legs working perfectly.

[14:32] Running around.

[14:33] Apparently, the biggest danger if you are in a plane crash is not that you die in the crash,

[14:38] but that you will catch fire from jet fuel once you crash.

[14:42] And then you'll run around in flame on the ground.

[14:44] Yeah.

[14:45] The impact is not the problem.

Elliott Kalan

[14:46] It's staying away from the flame afterwards.

Dan McCoy

[14:48] Yeah, and Nicolas Cage is unable to help you by, you know, stop, drop, and roll, like throwing a blanket over you.

Elliott Kalan

[14:54] I guess all those people just jumped in the air at the exact moment that it hit the ground.

[14:57] Yeah.

[14:58] That works.

[15:00] It totally doesn't work.

Stuart Wellington

[15:02] So I shouldn't pay attention to the flight attendant that tells me to do that?

[15:05] Mm-hmm.

[15:06] She really shouldn't tell you to do that.

Dan McCoy

[15:07] In the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, jump in the air.

Stuart Wellington

[15:11] Right before it lands.

[15:12] Like, if you jump too early, you're going to get smushed.

[15:14] But if you jump at just the right time, you'll be fine.

Dan McCoy

[15:17] Yeah.

[15:17] That's awesome.

[15:18] That's not how it works.

[15:20] It's great that you feel like you need to put that disclaimer in there.

[15:23] I don't want anyone to die.

[15:24] In case someone's listening to this on a plane that crashes.

[15:27] Then they're going to sue us later on.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] In the split second between when they jump and when they die, and there's just that moment of disappointment and like, the Flophouse lied to me.

[15:37] I don't want anyone to go to heaven or hell with that as their last thought, that we lied to them.

[15:41] I don't believe in those things, Elliot.

[15:43] Okay, go to Oblivion.

[15:45] Sure.

[15:46] Mm-hmm.

[15:46] Pass into that.

[15:47] Cross over.

[15:49] Sorry, when they re-enter the karma cycle.

[15:51] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[15:52] When they cross the bridge of swords.

[15:54] Cross the river Styx.

[15:56] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[15:57] But, um...

[15:57] When Nyarlathotep, the crawling chaos, comes to take them away.

[16:01] When, uh, Cthulhu, uh...

[16:03] Same mythos.

[16:04] Same mythos.

[16:04] You gotta say a different thing.

Stuart Wellington

[16:06] You gotta change it.

[16:07] When you cross the rainbow bridge to Valhalla.

Elliott Kalan

[16:09] Well, to Asgard, and then they take you to Valhalla.

Dan McCoy

[16:11] When the Care Bears come to take you to the...

Elliott Kalan

[16:15] When Charon rose them across the river Styx.

[16:17] He already said that.

[16:18] Oh, you did?

[16:19] No.

[16:19] Oh, I missed it.

Dan McCoy

[16:20] Dork.

[16:21] So, now that we're done reusing...

Stuart Wellington

[16:22] We're talking about awesome mythologies, and this movie does, puts, like, traditional mythology,

[16:28] kind of turns it on its ear, right?

[16:29] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:29] According to them, Ezekiel...

[16:31] Sure.

[16:32] ...foretold aliens with smooth stones.

Stuart Wellington

[16:35] Yep.

[16:35] And aliens are angels.

[16:38] And aliens are angels.

[16:39] I'm gonna fucking thunk it.

Elliott Kalan

[16:41] I wouldn't have.

[16:42] But the other...

[16:42] Are there other disasters before the fire wave that engulfs the earth?

[16:46] I mean, oh, there's the truck that hits the car.

Dan McCoy

[16:49] Yeah, but that's not a disaster.

[16:51] No.

Elliott Kalan

[16:52] I mean, that was pretty cool.

[16:54] Spoiler alert.

[16:55] Anyway.

Stuart Wellington

[16:57] You just mentioned the end of the movie.

[16:59] All the characters dying anyway.

[17:01] I mean, it wouldn't matter.

Dan McCoy

[17:02] Yeah, let's not leap to the end just yet.

[17:04] Because the end needs a lot of attention.

[17:06] First, what do you want to talk about, Dan?

[17:07] Yeah, what else is there to talk about?

[17:08] I want to talk about how...

[17:09] The smooth stones?

[17:10] The fact these numbers fall into the hand of an MIT professor...

[17:14] Predetermined.

[17:15] ...who cares enough about...

[17:17] I'm with Elliot on this one.

[17:18] Predestination.

Stuart Wellington

[17:19] Predestination.

[17:20] Any movie...

[17:20] Why don't we talk about the weird dudes in Trenchcoats that follow the kids around?

[17:24] Those are the angel aliens.

[17:25] And they're human guises.

[17:27] Really?

[17:27] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[17:28] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[17:29] That one guy opened his mouth and just light came out.

[17:31] What's going on there?

Elliott Kalan

[17:32] He's an angel with alien powers or an alien with angel powers.

Stuart Wellington

[17:35] Wait.

[17:35] Angel powers involve shooting out light beams from your mouth?

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] I have...

[17:39] Maybe he's like the...

[17:41] Oh, what's it called?

[17:41] Cucune.

[17:42] No, the voice of God.

[17:43] What's it called?

[17:45] Metronomagrammaton or something like that?

[17:46] The Tetragrammaton?

[17:47] Not the Tetragrammaton.

[17:48] That's the name of God.

Dan McCoy

[17:49] Oh, okay.

[17:50] I feel like we need to jump back to the numbers, though, just to...

[17:53] Jump back!

[17:54] Set the stage for listeners who may not have watched knowing a little bit more.

[17:57] Okay, explain it to us, Stan.

[17:59] Like, the fact that...

[17:59] There's a sheet full of numbers.

[18:01] Yeah.

[18:01] Yeah, well, duh.

[18:02] This kid in 1959 writes his numbers.

[18:06] Obviously, they could put in this time capsule.

Elliott Kalan

[18:08] Obviously, they take...

[18:09] Well, the kids are all drawing pictures of what they think the future will be like to put

[18:13] in this time capsule to be opened in the year 2009, which, not to be nitpicky, but 100

[18:19] years is the standard for time capsules for the most part.

Dan McCoy

[18:21] Yeah, 50 years, who gives a shit?

Elliott Kalan

[18:22] Yeah, come on.

[18:23] The teacher who buried the time capsule is there when they unearth the time capsule.

[18:28] Like...

[18:28] Not exciting.

[18:29] It's one of those things where, like, why bother to open up a time capsule when the people

[18:32] who did it are still alive and can tell you what was going on at that time?

Dan McCoy

[18:37] It's like it's the tomb of the pharaohs or something.

[18:39] Exactly, yeah.

[18:40] All these drawings get...

[18:42] It's not the hidden temple.

[18:43] ...handed down to, you know, children of the modern age.

[18:48] And Nicolas Cage's son gets the sheet full of numbers.

Elliott Kalan

[18:53] Shafted.

[18:54] And...

[18:54] I love the kid goes up to him and goes, we all got pictures.

[18:57] You just got numbers.

[18:59] And then runs away.

Dan McCoy

[19:01] I like to think that he found a reason to make fun of everyone's time capsule gift.

[19:07] He's like that kid on King of the Hill.

[19:08] Yeah, he's just running around making fun of everybody.

[19:10] But the reason why the numbers come to Nicolas Cage's attention is they get brought home and

[19:15] Nicolas Cage overfills his tumbler full of whiskey.

[19:19] He drinks a lot of whiskey.

[19:21] Yeah, apparently ever since his wife died, he drowns in sorrows by drinking...

[19:24] He was watching a really exciting program about tigers.

[19:27] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:27] That's true.

[19:28] Earlier we see his son watching a show about tigers and then he goes back to watch it on

[19:32] TiVo.

[19:32] Because, like...

[19:33] It's just this weird little continuity thing of, like, listen, we can't have him watch a

[19:37] show we haven't introduced already in the film.

[19:39] We'll just have him watch the tiger show.

Stuart Wellington

[19:41] Right.

[19:42] Because if he started watching, like, two and a half men, people would be like, what a

[19:45] dork!

[19:46] People would be like, where did he get this other TV show?

Dan McCoy

[19:48] But he's watching that and he's like, oh, he's so engrossed by the tigers that he

[19:52] doesn't realize that he pours a full tumbler full of bourbon.

Elliott Kalan

[19:55] And it's not like the tumbler's sitting on the table and he's not looking at it.

[19:59] It's in his hand.

[20:00] He's just sitting there pouring something into a glass in his hand.

Stuart Wellington

[20:03] So what you're saying is not only would he have the sensory mechanism of his hand pouring,

[20:08] but also the hand would sense that the glass is getting fuller and fuller of shit.

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] The weight of the glass.

[20:14] Right.

[20:15] If not the sound of the glass filling up right under his face.

Dan McCoy

[20:19] So to clean up the glass that obviously has a spillover, he sets it down.

[20:25] On the page full of numbers and he picks it up and...

[20:28] On the otherwise empty counter.

[20:30] Yeah.

[20:30] There's a ring.

[20:31] He picks the one spot that there's a paper on.

[20:33] Yeah.

[20:34] There's now a bourbon ring about some of the numbers and Nicolas Cage is like, huh, now

[20:38] that some of these numbers have a circle around them, I'm paying more attention to these particular

[20:43] numbers.

[20:43] And he just starts writing them out on his whiteboard.

[20:45] Yeah, he writes them out on his whiteboard and he starts dividing them up randomly.

[20:48] And it's the most obvious.

[20:49] It's like, spoiler, it's the date of 9-11.

Elliott Kalan

[20:52] The numbers are 9-1-1-0-1 and then what, 2-9-5 or 2-9, whatever the number of the casualties

[20:59] were on September 11.

Dan McCoy

[21:00] And so the first two times he divides it up, he does not divide it up in the way that would

[21:05] be a 9-11-2001.

Elliott Kalan

[21:07] Like 91-1-0-1-2.

[21:10] Oh, well, let me try it again.

Dan McCoy

[21:11] So one has to wonder, like, why did he care enough to put them on his whiteboard if he

[21:16] didn't immediately see the link to September 11?

[21:20] He's drunk.

[21:20] People do crazy things.

[21:22] People do crazy things with numbers when they're drunk.

Stuart Wellington

[21:24] He went over to Google and he's like, 9-11-01, what happened?

[21:29] He types in...

Elliott Kalan

[21:29] What's on the fucking microfiche?

[21:31] He types in that number as if...

[21:33] And then he goes to a page that says, never forget.

[21:36] This is set in the year 2009.

[21:38] It's not set in the far-off future of, like, 31-11 when people might have forgotten about

[21:43] September 11th by that point.

[21:44] It's like Pearl Harbor to them.

[21:45] Yeah.

[21:45] It's something that happened within 10 years that everyone remembers.

[21:49] Like...

Dan McCoy

[21:50] Yeah, but that sets him off on his number quest.

Elliott Kalan

[21:52] That would have been a better name for this movie.

Dan McCoy

[21:54] Number quest.

[21:54] Much like Jim Carrey in the number 23.

[21:58] Possibly the cover of the poster would be, like, him holding out the...

Stuart Wellington

[22:01] Or the stars of numbers.

[22:02] Well, like him holding out a piece of paper and, like, light shooting him in the face.

Elliott Kalan

[22:06] Yeah, but in the...

[22:07] Like, casting numbers on his face.

[22:10] Like the movie poster for that movie, Dreamscape?

[22:13] Yeah, well, it would be a painted poster like the Star Wars, the Indiana Jones posters.

[22:17] Oh, yeah.

[22:17] By Drew Sturzan?

[22:19] Is that who painted them?

[22:20] Yeah.

[22:20] I should know that, but I don't.

[22:22] And then pictures of his kid, Rose Byrne, Rose Byrne's kid.

[22:26] A couple of side characters that appear.

[22:28] Maybe the old teacher.

[22:29] Sure.

[22:29] And his friend who tries to set him up with his sister-in-law.

[22:32] Maybe one of the little vignettes from the film.

[22:34] Oh, yeah, of course.

[22:35] A little bit like him driving with his huge fists on the steering wheel.

[22:39] It'll be...

[22:39] A plane crashing?

[22:40] A plane crashing, the train flying through the air, anchored by that one image of...

[22:45] A tiger.

[22:46] A tiger.

[22:48] And maybe, like, a really small one of the alien angels.

[22:51] Small enough that you'd only notice it if you've seen the movie already and you recognize

[22:55] the shape.

[22:55] Yeah, absolutely.

[22:56] And...

[22:57] Maybe a little pile of little black stones.

[22:59] Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.

[23:00] At the bottom.

[23:01] Yeah.

[23:01] Or, like, piled around the logo.

[23:03] Sure, no, that makes sense.

[23:04] Where it says Number Quest.

[23:04] Yeah, all right.

[23:04] And it's like, this summer, an adventure you'll never forget.

[23:08] You like...

[23:09] An incalculable adventure.

[23:11] Yeah, that sounds good.

[23:12] Number Quest.

Stuart Wellington

[23:13] What's the deal with those little black stones?

Elliott Kalan

[23:14] Steven Spielberg invites you to...

Stuart Wellington

[23:16] They're magic or something, right?

[23:17] They're...

Elliott Kalan

[23:17] Yeah, they're these smooth black stones that are left everywhere by the angel aliens.

[23:21] They're like skipping stones.

[23:22] Or like wishing stones.

[23:23] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:23] Skipping stones would be flatter, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[23:25] They were just smooth.

[23:26] They look like...

[23:27] As you mentioned, Dan, I think they look like someone bought a rock tumbler and put some

[23:31] stones in.

[23:31] But for whatever reason, that becomes the symbol of the alien angels.

[23:35] I don't know what it stands for.

Dan McCoy

[23:37] I don't get it.

[23:37] But then I wasn't paying that much attention most of the time.

[23:40] I think that that's fair that you don't get it.

[23:42] Because now that we've sort of set things up a little bit more, I think we can skip to

[23:46] the end.

[23:47] Because the movie takes a drastic shift.

[23:49] Yeah.

[23:49] Into the crazy.

[23:51] Like, the movie is not great, but it sort of makes a certain amount of sense.

[23:56] No.

[23:56] In a sci-fi thriller way.

[23:58] No.

[23:59] I mean, like, once you accept the idea, like, okay...

[24:00] In a crappy sci-fi thriller way.

[24:02] No.

[24:02] Elliot, like, if they had a good explanation, like, once you accept the fact, like, okay...

[24:07] Yeah.

[24:08] No.

[24:08] If...

[24:08] These numbers are predicting the disasters.

[24:11] Why is this happening?

[24:13] And then the whole second half of the movie would have to explain that.

[24:16] Yeah.

[24:16] In this case, the whole second half of the movie punts that question.

Elliott Kalan

[24:20] I mean, if it was Number Quest, I'd see, like, a secret society of psychics that through

[24:23] history have been trying to warn humanity of disasters.

[24:27] But as it is, yeah, the second half of the movie says, like, remember those numbers?

[24:32] We're thinking about different numbers now.

[24:33] And by the way, aliens are involved.

[24:35] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[24:36] And the aliens are there mainly to take these kids to the Garden of Eden.

Elliott Kalan

[24:40] Yeah.

[24:40] Oh, and also there's going to be a solar flare that destroys the Earth.

[24:43] That they bring up very late.

[24:44] Yeah.

[24:44] Like, none of this is set up or foreshadowed, really.

Dan McCoy

[24:48] Well, no, yeah, nothing makes any sense at all.

[24:51] Like, there are these numbers.

[24:52] Okay, there are a bunch of black stones.

[24:53] Okay, there are these aliens.

[24:55] What do they all have to do with each other?

[24:58] Whatever.

[24:58] It's just a movie we made.

[25:00] Yeah.

[25:01] That's your Alex Proyas impression?

[25:03] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:03] You know.

[25:03] We just made this thing.

[25:05] Enjoy it.

Dan McCoy

[25:05] It's up to you guys.

[25:07] It's up to you, the viewer.

Elliott Kalan

[25:08] It is not my job to explain, but to create.

[25:12] Find the explanation.

[25:13] Wait, where's he from again?

[25:14] Like, Toronto?

[25:15] I don't remember.

[25:17] Montreal?

[25:17] Proyas?

[25:18] Yeah.

[25:18] I assume he was from South America, but.

Stuart Wellington

[25:21] But that's a French accent.

Elliott Kalan

[25:22] Hey, listen, I don't know who talked.

[25:24] Maybe he had a French tutor.

[25:25] Okay, that makes sense.

[25:26] I just know that's how he talks.

[25:28] Ha ha!

[25:28] Yep.

[25:29] Alex Proyas!

Stuart Wellington

[25:31] Yep.

[25:31] At the end.

[25:32] You wouldn't pronounce the S, though.

[25:33] Proyas!

[25:34] Yeah, okay.

[25:35] That's right.

[25:35] Numbers.

Dan McCoy

[25:36] Monsieur Cage, for your role, I imagine, no emotion.

Elliott Kalan

[25:40] Nothing.

[25:41] And Nicolas Cage is like, really?

[25:42] You don't want me to show any emotion at all?

[25:44] No.

[25:44] You know, and so forth.

Dan McCoy

[25:45] At the end of the page, full of numbers, there's a, what looks like a 3-3.

[25:50] And then Rose Byrne's like, oh no, no.

[25:53] She used to reverse things when she got really excited, or something like that.

[25:57] She just likes to.

[25:58] She likes to do it on occasion.

Elliott Kalan

[25:59] She's like, oh no, it's an E-E.

[26:01] And what does that E-E stand for?

[26:03] It stands for everyone else.

[26:05] And where, how do they find out?

[26:07] Is that when they strip the thing?

[26:09] No.

[26:09] It's when they lift up a bed at this crazy lady's.

[26:12] A Murphy bed.

[26:13] A lift up a Murphy bed at the crazy lady's old house, and she's carved in everyone else

[26:18] over and over again.

[26:19] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[26:19] So at a certain date, everyone else is going to die.

[26:23] I would think that with that information, like, all the knowledge that, like, all of humanity

[26:27] is going to die at this date, why would you flip out so much?

[26:29] Like, at that point, like, she was going to be pretty old anyway.

[26:32] Like, if you know everyone's going to die, like, why not chill out and enjoy yourself?

[26:36] Don't tell anyone, so everyone just enjoys himself, and then everyone dies, because it's

[26:40] a fucking solar flare.

[26:41] It's not like some dude shows up and kills everyone.

[26:43] It's not something you can really do anything about, unless she's like, I'm going to invent

[26:46] fucking magical spaceships for us all to leave on.

Dan McCoy

[26:49] Yeah, that's one of the funny things.

[26:50] Why flip out about it, is what I'm saying.

[26:52] Once Nicolas Cage realizes that everyone else is going to die, he runs to his, like, office

[26:57] at MIT, and he's like, oh shit, that solar flare thing I was working on, I miscalculated

[27:02] it.

[27:03] Turns out there's going to be a solar flare that kills everyone.

[27:06] That psychic number thing pushed me in the right direction to recalculate my own studies

[27:13] that I've already done, and now I'm going to say, oh, that solar flare is going to come

[27:17] by and kill them.

Stuart Wellington

[27:17] And then let's get the best deep core drillers in the world to go launch a rocket into the

[27:22] sun.

[27:22] Into the sun and knock it off course.

[27:24] Yep.

[27:24] That sounds awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[27:25] Or else we'll have a deep impact to deal with.

[27:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:29] Right?

[27:30] Right?

[27:30] Eh?

[27:31] Eh?

[27:31] That's good.

[27:32] Eh?

[27:32] Or we can drill into the center of the earth and keep the magnetic core spinning.

[27:37] If we can only get Stanley Tucci and Delroy Lindo on the case.

Stuart Wellington

[27:40] Yep.

[27:41] And DJ Qualls.

Elliott Kalan

[27:42] Or we could build a space elevator between earth and the moon.

[27:46] It hasn't happened in a movie, but...

[27:48] So it's still...

[27:49] It's another high concept.

[27:51] It'll be called Moonivator.

[27:53] Moonivator.

[27:54] It'll be called third floor, ladies' furnishings, fourth floor, the moon.

[28:00] Oh?

[28:01] Oh?

[28:02] They build a space elevator between earth and the moon, but they have an old-timey elevator

[28:05] operator.

[28:06] Sure, of course.

[28:06] Hey, everyone.

Stuart Wellington

[28:07] Welcome to the moon lift.

[28:10] That's the name of the movie?

[28:11] Or is that like the poster?

Elliott Kalan

[28:13] Well, this movie is similar in a lot of ways to the trailer for 2012.

[28:16] Earth is being destroyed by calamities, and they're building spaceships to take people

[28:20] off of the earth, which is also the plot of, I think, When Worlds Collide.

[28:24] Hmm.

[28:24] What's that?

[28:24] Oh, no.

[28:25] Or is it...

[28:26] It's either When Worlds Collide or like The Day the Earth Burned or something like that.

[28:29] I think it's When Worlds Collide.

Stuart Wellington

[28:30] Wait.

[28:30] What world collided with our world?

[28:32] It was some other world.

[28:33] Another world?

[28:34] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[28:35] But they had a spaceship, and people were fighting to get on it.

Stuart Wellington

[28:37] That sounds good.

[28:38] When one world collides with another world, basically.

Dan McCoy

[28:41] Yep.

[28:41] I think it's When Worlds Collide.

[28:42] Maybe it's a different one.

[28:43] When any two worlds collide.

[28:44] It's kind of like in Trading Places.

Elliott Kalan

[28:47] When Worlds Collided.

[28:47] Prince and the Pauper.

[28:48] Yeah, Prince and the Pauper.

[28:50] Sure.

[28:50] Trading Places.

[28:52] Trading Spaces.

[28:53] Lady and the Tramp.

[28:54] So...

Stuart Wellington

[28:55] Trading Faces.

[28:55] Face Off.

[28:57] Dan, you really are upset by...

[28:59] Trading Faces.

[29:00] You were really upset by the end of this movie.

Dan McCoy

[29:03] Well, okay.

[29:04] Meet the Applegates.

[29:04] So...

[29:05] At the end of this movie, Nicolas Cage, all of a sudden, he's like,

[29:10] Holy shit, I've got extra numbers.

[29:12] And he gets those extra numbers by finally remembering, as you say,

[29:16] that the girl clawed some numbers into the door of a school.

[29:21] 50 years ago.

[29:21] Yeah.

[29:22] So he goes and he goes and he strips the paint from that door.

Elliott Kalan

[29:25] Yeah, with a heat gun and a...

[29:27] Yeah, and he gets the coordinates, or coords, as I call them.

[29:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:30] And all of a sudden, Nicolas Cage is like...

[29:32] Coordinates.

[29:33] Oh, we have to go to these coordinates.

[29:36] Earlier in the movie, coordinates that are given are things that should be avoided at all costs,

[29:41] because that's when...

[29:42] Disasters happen.

[29:43] That's where the disasters are going to be.

[29:44] Somehow, at the end of the movie, Nicolas Cage makes the huge logical leap.

[29:48] Oh, now we've got to go to these coordinates, and then everything will be fine.

[29:52] And so he goes there, and that place is covered in these shiny black stones

[29:57] that have no particular significance that we can discern in the movie.

[30:02] And these aliens come down, and they take his son...

Elliott Kalan

[30:07] First, they give his son, and they give the girl white rabbits to hold.

[30:11] That's stupid.

[30:12] And then they take them.

[30:13] Take his son and Rose Byrne's daughter.

[30:15] And Nicolas Cage is going to go with them, and then the son says,

[30:18] Wait, they're telling me you can't come.

[30:20] And I wonder if he just thinks his dad is lame.

[30:25] Wait, the aliens are telling me you can't come.

[30:28] Really?

[30:28] I don't hear their voices.

[30:29] Yep, they're whispering it to me right now.

[30:31] I've got to go.

[30:32] What a cockball.

[30:33] Sorry, dude.

[30:34] Catch you on the flip side, my man.

Dan McCoy

[30:36] And so, yeah, these kids are taken to...

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] It's like, you're not even wearing your hearing aid, kid.

[30:40] How can you hear them?

Elliott Kalan

[30:41] Oh, got to go.

[30:42] Aliens are calling.

[30:43] You can't hear it?

[30:44] Because it's pretty clear.

[30:45] What, Dad?

[30:45] I can't hear it too well.

[30:47] I can't hear you over the aliens and my hearing problems.

Dan McCoy

[30:49] Yeah, but the kids are taking this weird wheat world.

[30:53] Like, heaven and gladiator, basically.

[30:55] It's a Garden of Eden type place.

[30:56] Yeah.

[30:57] It is like heaven and gladiator.

[30:59] It's a heaven where you go if you're a gladiator, right?

[31:01] What a boring heaven for gladiators.

[31:03] Just wheat.

[31:04] I know, right?

[31:04] You can run your hand through all the wheat you can.

[31:08] Fields of wheat.

[31:09] Yeah, just touch a bunch of wheat.

[31:10] Wheat with feathers.

[31:11] I'm loving death.

[31:12] Sure.

[31:13] You must be Don Francisco's sister.

[31:15] But anyway.

[31:16] No, you must be Don Francisco.

Elliott Kalan

[31:17] Yeah, they're taking away.

[31:18] It was Don Francisco.

[31:19] I have to adjust my belt.

[31:20] Would you come over here and hold my bosom for a minute?

[31:23] And he looks at any...

[31:24] This is just when he looked on his face when he decides to go over.

Dan McCoy

[31:27] Anyway, love and death.

[31:28] We recommend love and death.

[31:29] Rent it today.

[31:29] I think that might be my recommendation today.

[31:31] Yeah.

[31:31] So, yeah, the kids are taken away.

[31:34] And Nicolas Cage and everyone else on Earth dies in a solar flare.

[31:38] Yeah.

[31:39] And you are left...

[31:40] A very slow solar flare.

[31:41] ...as the audience to wonder,

[31:43] Hey, why do those aliens send that information down?

[31:46] Why did it only get received by these two kids?

[31:49] Why do they take just these two kids, this other world?

[31:52] What the fuck is the deal with all these black stones?

[31:55] Who thought this was a good movie to make?

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] Yeah.

[31:57] Who greenlit this?

Dan McCoy

[31:58] Why are the aliens in the business of predicting disasters in the first place?

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] Yeah, they never really explain why the aliens...

[32:03] Except if they've just cracked the code of the universe.

[32:06] Yeah.

[32:06] Like the predetermined code of existence.

[32:09] Well, they're angels, right?

[32:10] It's implied.

Dan McCoy

[32:11] But even if they're angels, like, what is their plan here?

[32:15] Like, the angels are like, okay...

Stuart Wellington

[32:16] Oh, you know, they're spinoff from Buffy and go a couple seasons.

[32:19] Uh-huh.

[32:20] Thing is that humanity has just become...

[32:22] Five seasons in L.A.

[32:24] The humanity is just...

[32:26] They've sinned too much or something.

[32:28] And all need to be wiped out with an awesome solar flare.

[32:30] It's a...

Elliott Kalan

[32:30] They say it vaguely at some point that, like, it's time for a second...

[32:33] A new beginning or, you know, things need to start back from the beginning or...

[32:38] Right.

[32:38] Yeah, taken to the origin.

Dan McCoy

[32:39] Yeah, you gotta push the clock back.

[32:40] So you gotta bring these two children to another planet where, theoretically, I guess,

[32:46] they'll grow up and screw each other.

[32:48] And then their children will repopulate the Earth.

Elliott Kalan

[32:50] Or they'll repopulate that new planet.

[32:53] The Earth might be gone.

Stuart Wellington

[32:53] Yeah, I mean, you could call it Earth 2 or Orth.

[32:58] Orth?

[32:58] Or Darth?

[32:59] Yeah.

[33:00] Girth.

[33:02] I didn't think we were talking about Girth today, Dan.

[33:05] I thought the movie was really good.

[33:07] It was a real twist on that ending.

[33:10] I bet M. Night Shyamalan was watching it and got really mad.

[33:14] You stole my twist!

Elliott Kalan

[33:16] Me, M. Night Shyamalan!

Stuart Wellington

[33:19] He's Italian, I guess?

Dan McCoy

[33:21] No, if it was M. Night Shyamalan...

[33:22] It's kind of French still, but Italian also.

[33:24] If M. Night Shyamalan made the movie, it would be totally...

[33:27] You could say Shyamalan.

[33:28] Whatever.

[33:28] Anyway, you're saying...

[33:29] It would be totally clear at the end of the movie that the planet that we see at the

[33:33] end is actually Earth.

[33:34] Yeah.

[33:35] And the one we saw throughout the movie before that is some earlier planet that we were not

[33:40] aware of.

[33:41] Yeah, like Tatooine or something.

Elliott Kalan

[33:42] There'd be a big sign that said, like, welcome to Earth at the end.

[33:45] Earth original?

[33:46] Population 2.

[33:47] Population U.

[33:49] I like Population 2 better.

Stuart Wellington

[33:51] Okay.

[33:52] It's funnier.

[33:52] Can we just do Final Judgments?

[33:55] Let's do Final Judgments on this movie.

[33:56] Final Judgments!

[33:57] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

[33:58] Do-do-do-do.

Dan McCoy

[33:59] Does anyone want to go first?

Stuart Wellington

[34:01] Yeah.

[34:01] I really didn't like this movie.

[34:02] It was really long and boring.

[34:03] It was shot kind of cool, and the music was nuts.

Elliott Kalan

[34:07] He was stealing from everything.

[34:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:09] It was crazy.

[34:11] But it was boring and way too fucking long and not exciting at all, so don't watch it.

Elliott Kalan

[34:16] Although some of the explosions were cool.

[34:18] Okay.

[34:18] The CGI flame was really awesome.

[34:20] I agree.

[34:21] This was a bad, bad movie, and I didn't enjoy it.

[34:24] And it was slow and boring and long.

[34:26] I agree with Stuart.

[34:27] Although, yeah, there were some scenes that looked pretty.

[34:29] They were shot nicely, but then a lot of-

Stuart Wellington

[34:32] Oh, that moose that was on fire?

[34:33] The CGI moose that was on fire?

Elliott Kalan

[34:35] There were a couple good disaster scenes, yeah.

[34:38] But then other times things were shot crazy.

[34:40] Whenever Nicolas Cage was driving, they'd make his hands look enormous.

Dan McCoy

[34:45] Let's clarify this.

[34:46] There was a request.

[34:47] Let's clarify that.

[34:47] Unless Nick-

[34:48] Make his hands look enormous by putting the camera right behind the steering wheel.

[34:53] No, they didn't use the CGI-

[34:54] So his hands were closer.

[34:55] They didn't give him CGI giant-giant hands.

[34:57] It wasn't like that Foo Fighters video.

[34:58] Or even practical effects.

[35:00] They didn't put big gloves on him.

[35:02] I just want to make sure.

[35:03] They didn't have Hulk gloves that you could buy.

[35:06] Hulk, sure.

[35:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:07] But it was a-

[35:08] Painted flesh-colored.

[35:09] And Nicolas Cage is testing the boundaries of bad acting, how far he can go.

[35:14] And this is pretty far.

[35:16] He's been doing that for a while.

[35:17] No, that's what I'm saying.

[35:18] Yeah.

[35:18] This is his life's work, is to see how bad acting can get.

Dan McCoy

[35:22] Yeah.

[35:22] If this movie was a little shorter, I could almost recommend it on like-

[35:27] The first half of the movie basically, I feel like, is kind of interesting on its own merits.

[35:32] Like, not good, but I was kind of like, okay, well this is well shot.

[35:36] And I could see where the premise, if handled well, could make an interesting movie.

[35:41] And I moved along at a good clip for the first half.

[35:44] And then it just sort of stretches out for a while where nothing really happens.

[35:48] And then at the end, it kind of felt like the screenwriter was like, okay, well, I'm on page 100.

[35:55] This shouldn't be more than 120 pages at most.

Stuart Wellington

[35:59] How can I explain what happened?

Dan McCoy

[36:03] Um, angel aliens.

[36:05] Yeah.

[36:05] Well, that's-

[36:06] That gets me out of having to make this make sense.

Elliott Kalan

[36:09] That's the most interesting part of the movie for me, but it's a lot of garbage before it,

[36:14] and then it comes out of nowhere, and it's-

[36:15] It was like a coon if there was a disaster.

Dan McCoy

[36:18] Well, the fact that it comes out of nowhere almost makes it a good bad movie for me,

[36:22] but it's a little too long.

Elliott Kalan

[36:23] Yeah.

[36:24] It's very-

[36:24] It was like two hours long.

Dan McCoy

[36:26] Yeah, I had plenty of time to get drunk.

[36:35] Hi, it's Dan here.

[36:37] If you like listening to The Flophouse, why not visit us on the web at www.flophousepodcast.com,

[36:45] where you can find show notes, videos, fan art, and links to Wikipedia synopses of all the

[36:51] Flophouse films, so you can play along at home.

[36:55] If you're looking for more Flophouse stuff, check out our Facebook page, where you can discuss

[36:59] the show with other fans, or subscribe to our Twitter feed at TheFlophousePod.

[37:05] Your support helps us build an audience, so if you like the show, why not vote for us at

[37:09] Podcast Alley, or subscribe to the show on iTunes.

[37:13] And while you're there, take a moment to write a review.

[37:16] Links for everything can be found on the webpage.

[37:19] Lastly, we love hearing from you, so if you have thoughts, feedback, or suggestions, let

[37:23] us know at theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[37:28] Now back to the show.

[37:34] I got some letters here.

Elliott Kalan

[37:36] Letters.

[37:36] We get letters.

[37:37] All right.

[37:38] We get lots and lots of letters.

Dan McCoy

[37:41] Flophouse.

[37:42] So, all right.

[37:43] First of all, this one isn't actually a letter.

[37:46] This is what I teased last time.

[37:48] What?

[37:48] On the show.

[37:49] You weren't here, Stuart.

[37:51] Oh, okay.

[37:51] You're off.

[37:53] Rubbing oils on myself.

[37:54] I'm sure.

[37:55] Scented oils.

[37:56] Creams.

[37:57] I found...

[37:57] Pungents.

[37:58] You're probably wearing a tiny bathing suit also.

[38:00] I found through our stat counter, our website counter...

[38:05] Stowner.

[38:05] A link to our site.

[38:07] Awesome.

[38:07] From a Norwegian message board.

[38:10] Huh?

[38:11] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[38:12] That sounds cool.

[38:12] And I don't speak Norwegian.

[38:14] No?

[38:14] No.

[38:15] Yet.

[38:16] So, I took the paragraph that referred to the Flophouse.

[38:19] This is brilliant.

[38:20] And I fed it through freetranslation.com.

[38:24] Surefire hit.

[38:25] To get a translation.

[38:27] This is what they're saying about us in Norway via...

[38:31] One person said about us in Norway.

[38:33] It's not like...

[38:33] And in cyberspace.

[38:35] Norway is not all abuzz with the Flophouse.

[38:36] All across Norway.

[38:38] This is the word on the Flophouse via free translation.

[38:41] The best free translation service on the web.

[38:45] And it says...

[38:46] As Dan deposits a check from freetranslation.com.

[38:49] While I see on the Flophouse, admittedly it is a podcast, but I also included the need to

[38:56] be recommended in any case.

[38:59] In the event that it is more than me who have a dull summer where they are alone in several

[39:04] hours daily with work that requires relatively little awareness.

[39:07] In any case, the concept is as follows.

[39:11] Three film flinkster from Brooklyn meet a time in the week and see a drit film, which brats

[39:17] hundred hills chihuahua or jumper.

[39:20] While they drink themselves full, when they are finished, they take up an hour of the fact

[39:25] that they held about it in lid form.

[39:27] Yes.

[39:28] It does in people my job her bag a little less gray.

[39:33] Yay.

Stuart Wellington

[39:34] So, there you go.

[39:35] That sounded positive, I think.

[39:36] Yeah, I think it was.

[39:37] I mean, it could have been the inflection he used with your voice.

[39:39] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[39:40] When he wrote it, it was like, here's the da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

Dan McCoy

[39:44] Film flinksters or whatever.

[39:45] Filmsters.

[39:46] That's the way I think of us, is three film flinkster who drink ourselves full.

[39:53] I do.

Stuart Wellington

[39:54] Oh, freetranslation.com.

[39:55] Okay.

[39:56] So, wow, that was cool.

[39:56] Thanks, Norway.

Dan McCoy

[39:58] Yeah, thanks, Norway.

[39:58] Thanks, the country, Norway.

Stuart Wellington

[40:00] Okay, what's next?

[40:01] You've given us Jason and that.

Dan McCoy

[40:03] So, here's one from Eddie, last name withheld.

[40:06] Sure.

[40:07] And it says, flip flops.

[40:09] That's how it addresses us.

[40:10] Flip flops.

[40:11] Interesting.

[40:12] It's a new one.

[40:13] Seasonal.

[40:14] As you may have heard, the third in the Step Up franchise is currently in production.

[40:19] Step Up 3 the Streets?

[40:20] Yeah, it says.

[40:21] It's Step Up 3D, dude.

[40:22] Oh, is it really?

[40:23] Yeah, well, as the letter would say, if you let me read it.

[40:27] Okay.

[40:27] Stuart.

[40:28] Sorry.

[40:29] It's titled, Step Up, Wait For It.

[40:32] Sure.

[40:33] 3D.

[40:34] Heard it.

[40:34] The first ever dance movie in 3D.

[40:37] Elliot, I know you might be thinking of some crazy movie that tried it before in the 50s.

[40:43] He predicted.

[40:45] But that claim is wrong.

[40:46] But if that claim is wrong, the fault is not mine.

[40:49] I heard director John Chu make that very claim a matter of hours ago.

[40:53] That's right.

[40:53] I'm working on Step Up 3D.

[40:55] Wow.

[40:56] That's awesome.

[40:56] It's like living in the movie, which is to say it's terrible.

[41:00] There are a thousand extras who are...

[41:02] I'm glad you withheld his last name.

[41:03] He could lose his job.

[41:04] That's true.

Stuart Wellington

[41:05] Well, this is from...

[41:06] There's probably like thousands of Eddies working on this movie.

Dan McCoy

[41:09] This is from a few weeks ago since we haven't been together for a while.

[41:12] So he's probably off the movie by now.

[41:14] But he says, there are a thousand extras who are all in high school and love breakdancing.

[41:19] From the title I know...

[41:20] What could go wrong?

[41:21] From the little I know about the movie.

[41:22] And yeah, there might be some confidentiality issues.

[41:25] But it's okay because I'm not giving you my last name.

[41:27] It is about an international hip-hop dance competition.

[41:31] It features light-up shoes, laser gloves...

[41:34] I'm there.

[41:37] Wait, did you say laser gloves?

[41:38] Yeah, laser gloves.

[41:39] And teams called, among other things, Germany, France, America, New Zealand, Africa, the pirates, and the samurai.

Elliott Kalan

[41:47] Those better be those pirates that are always hijacking ships off of Africa.

Dan McCoy

[41:51] It could be a good, bad movie.

[41:53] A bad, bad movie.

[41:53] Who knows?

[41:54] Maybe an honest-to-goodness good movie.

[41:55] But one thing is true.

[41:57] It has truly broken new ground in pointlessness and inexplicableness and being written by me in seventh grade.

[42:03] And Grandmaster Kaz is in it.

[42:05] I do not know if I'm dreaming or if this is real.

[42:09] Kaz the cartoonist?

[42:10] Yes.

[42:11] Well, no, he includes a photo of Grandmaster Kaz.

[42:14] Ah.

[42:14] I'm showing to...

[42:16] It's not Kaz the cartoonist right now.

Elliott Kalan

[42:17] Did he say there's a team called Japan and a team called the Samurai?

Dan McCoy

[42:21] Yeah, it seems to start out as all team names are countries or continents.

[42:27] And then it turns into just types of people.

[42:32] Pirates and Samurai.

[42:33] Light-up shoes, laser gloves.

[42:35] All my favorite things about Super Mario Bros. the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[42:37] Yeah, is our laser gloves like gloves that somebody creates out of lasers?

Elliott Kalan

[42:41] I have to assume they're gloves that shoot lasers.

Stuart Wellington

[42:43] I guess that makes more sense.

Elliott Kalan

[42:45] It's like Tron meets Step Up to the Street.

[42:47] That was very cool that we got the behind-the-scenes report.

[42:50] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[42:51] All right, so now is the point where we make some recommendations...

[42:55] How?

[42:56] ...of movies that we've seen recently and maybe enjoyed.

[43:00] Rather than knowing, which you saw recently.

[43:04] So wait, I shouldn't recommend knowing.

[43:06] Don't recommend knowing.

[43:07] Unless you're going to change your tune.

[43:09] Unless you're going to do a 180.

[43:11] If I flip-flopped.

[43:13] Yeah.

[43:14] And I'm not going to do that.

[43:14] No, not a flop flipper.

Stuart Wellington

[43:16] Okay, I'll go first.

[43:17] I want to recommend an awesome movie, you know, in the spirit of a great summer movie.

[43:23] And in honor of the recent release of G.I. Joe Rise of Cobra, directed by director Stephen Summers,

[43:30] I would like to recommend the movie Deep Rising, an early Stephen Summers movie,

[43:35] which features Treat Williams riding around on a ski-do in a sinking cruise ship while shooting tentacles with a shotgun.

Dan McCoy

[43:44] That sounds like a real treat.

Stuart Wellington

[43:46] It's an awesome movie.

[43:48] And the cover of the movie box features him riding on a ski-do out of an explosion.

[43:54] So that is a surefire hit.

[43:56] A ski-do is like a kind of flightless bird?

[43:58] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[43:59] Well, wait, no.

[44:00] It's like a jet ski.

[44:02] Oh.

[44:03] Where does the do part come in?

[44:05] That's what people call them, ski-do's.

Dan McCoy

[44:06] It's like a do-rag.

[44:07] It's like a jet ski that you can wear on your head.

[44:10] Oh, okay.

[44:10] Yeah.

[44:11] I mean, if you're doing a headstand.

Stuart Wellington

[44:12] Sounds pretty cool.

[44:13] And Wes Studi is in it.

[44:15] Oh, yeah.

[44:16] The guy who played Magwa in Last of the Mohicans.

[44:19] Sure.

[44:20] He was in Geronimo.

Elliott Kalan

[44:21] Not the guy who played Magwa in Gremlins.

[44:23] Howie Mandel.

[44:25] Yeah.

[44:26] Not Howie Mandel, man.

[44:27] All right.

[44:27] He's not in that movie.

Dan McCoy

[44:28] My recommendation.

[44:29] I don't know if this is like an unabashed recommendation.

[44:32] It's more personal.

[44:33] Like, I watched The Towering Inferno on Blu-ray recently.

[44:37] And that movie is literally an hour too long.

[44:40] However, there's something about a certain type of 1960s blockbuster film that appeals to me.

[44:50] Like, 1960s in general.

[44:52] Was The Towering Inferno 60s or 70s?

[44:54] I thought it was like 71 or 72.

[44:55] Really?

[44:56] I could be wrong about that.

[44:57] It feels like 60s.

[44:58] In the same way that, like, basically the first couple years of every decade sort of trails the previous decade.

[45:05] Yeah, you're right.

[45:07] Touché.

[45:08] There's something about films of that time.

[45:10] Dorks.

[45:10] That are so fake.

[45:13] That, like, really seem fake in a way that even transcends, like, early studio pictures.

[45:20] Normally that sort of level of fakeness in a movie irritates me.

[45:24] But there's something about those, like, Irwin Allen disaster movies or, like, say, an early James Bond film.

[45:33] Like, the space age quality of that.

[45:35] That really appeals to me.

[45:37] And something about, like, this, like, very, like, low version of blockbuster filmmaking that is kind of fun.

[45:42] Let's get Steve McQueen and Paul Newman together and Fred Astaire and put them in a disaster movie.

[45:51] Towering Inferno, especially on the new Blu-ray release.

[45:54] That's kind of fun.

Elliott Kalan

[45:55] Okay, Elliot.

[45:56] I think I'm going to recommend, if I can, not just a movie but an event centered around a movie.

[46:03] Oktoberfest?

[46:04] Oktoberfest.

[46:05] If you hear this podcast before September 9th, which is a Wednesday, I'm going to recommend that you go to, and you're in the New York area,

[46:14] I recommend you go to 92Y Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street in Manhattan, and you go see the movie I'm hosting there, Love Me Tonight at 8 p.m.

[46:24] Why?

[46:24] September 9th.

[46:25] Because it's good, and I'm going to talk about it.

[46:27] Wait, you're going to talk about it then or you're going to talk about it now?

[46:29] I'm going to talk about it then.

[46:30] Ok, that's cool.

[46:31] I also haven't seen any movies recently that I really liked, so I'm going to recommend that.

[46:33] And also Love and Death, my favorite of Woody Allen's gag films.

Dan McCoy

[46:36] Yeah, I agree.

[46:38] My two favorite Woody Allen films, Love and Death and Crimes and Misdemeanors.

[46:41] That's my favorite funny one and my favorite not-so-funny one.

Elliott Kalan

[46:45] Hmm, interesting.

[46:45] Well, Love and Death is hilarious, especially if you have a grounding in 19th century Russian literature.

Dan McCoy

[46:50] Or even not.

[46:51] Those are books that I have always felt that I should read and have not.

[46:55] You should.

[46:55] They're very good.

[46:56] I still find Love and Death the funniest of Woody Allen's movies.

Elliott Kalan

[46:59] So rent Love and Death now.

[47:01] I've got Sleeper.

[47:02] Sleeper's all right.

[47:02] Sleeper's pretty good.

[47:03] Sleeper's not one of my favorites.

[47:04] I find it to be pretty lackluster.

[47:06] I was just naming a random one.

[47:07] I like Sleeper better than Bananas.

[47:08] See, I prefer Bananas much more to Sleeper.

[47:11] Bananas is genius to me, whereas Sleeper is okay to me.

[47:15] But that's the movie to rent.

[47:17] What about Take the Money and Run?

[47:18] It's all right.

[47:19] Shows promise.

[47:20] If you want to see a movie...

[47:21] Smokey and the Bandit?

[47:22] Not a Woody Allen movie.

[47:23] Wait, really?

[47:24] It's a Hal Needham film.

[47:26] If you need...

[47:26] Every which way but loose?

[47:27] Nope.

[47:28] It's also not a Woody Allen film.

[47:30] Mother Jugs and Speed?

[47:31] Not Woody Allen.

[47:32] Woody Allen made very few movies with car chases in them.

[47:35] And even fewer movies with orangutans or ambulance races.

[47:41] Race with the Devil?

[47:42] Nope.

[47:42] Not Race with the Devil.

[47:43] Not a Woody Allen film.

[47:44] The Warriors?

[47:44] Nope.

[47:45] Not a Woody Allen film.

[47:46] But if you're in the New York area on September 9th and you want to go see an old movie that's a lot of fun, go see Love Me Tonight.

[47:52] You'll find out more information on the 92Y Tribeca website.

[47:56] Sounds good.

[47:56] Even despite Dan booing me when I recommended it.

Dan McCoy

[48:00] Well, guys, I don't know whether we made a lot of sense of this movie knowing that we watched tonight.

[48:05] Yeah, but we had a lot of laughs, you know?

[48:07] Well, I was going to say the movie didn't make a lot of sense.

[48:09] I don't know if there was a lot of sense to be made.

Stuart Wellington

[48:11] No, but you know, we had a chance to really talk and catch up.

Elliott Kalan

[48:14] I think that's cool.

[48:15] Friends coming together to enjoy a moment.

[48:18] Who cares if the movie is good or not?

[48:20] The companionship is what it's about.

[48:22] That was my Anthony Bourdain no reservations moment for this podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[48:25] Good friends.

[48:26] Okay.

[48:27] Why don't you do a sign off?

[48:29] I will.

[48:29] Thanks.

Dan McCoy

[48:31] Thanks for throwing it to me.

[48:32] No problem.

[48:33] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[48:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[48:36] And Elliot Kalin as himself.

[48:38] Good night.

Stuart Wellington

[48:42] Yeah, let's fucking drop it like it's hot.

[48:44] Drop it like it's pod.

[48:46] You ready to do some casting?

[48:47] Wait, drop it like it's flop.

[48:48] Eh?

[48:49] You ready to do some casting?

[48:50] Mm-hmm.

[48:51] Casting it.

[48:52] Like casting spells.

[48:54] But we're podcasting.

[48:55] Okay, I'll shut up.

[48:58] Okay, what's going on, Dan?

[48:59] I'm just trying to say.

[49:01] Why have we not started yet?

[49:02] Wait, you need to pause?

[49:03] Are you like trying to get your burps out?

[49:04] Yeah, you want to get all those burps up like your little...

[49:07] Yeah, look at Elliot.

[49:08] He's burping up a storm.

[49:08] Gotta get it out.

[49:10] I'll just...

[49:10] I'll burp during the minute.

Dan McCoy

[49:11] And three.

[49:13] Two.

The Flop House: Episode #44 - Knowing

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