The Flop House Movie Minute #29 - Movie Minute Mailbag

Dan McCoy

[0:00] It's the Flophouse Movie Minute.

[0:06] Hey everyone, so we got a lot of letters recently.

[0:11] Letters, we get cetera.

[0:13] So instead of sticking them all in a regular episode, we're going to answer a few in this

[0:17] Movie Minute.

[0:18] It's a Flophouse Movie Minute mailbag.

[0:21] Alright, thanks for framing it in the most irritating way possible.

[0:25] What's next in the mailbag, Postmaster McCauley?

[0:29] Well, the first letter is from Chris, last name withheld in Toronto.

[0:35] And he says, Dear Flopsters, I want to thank you for the recommendation of Twin Sitters.

[0:41] I bought it on Amazon and it lives up to the hype completely.

[0:45] Excellent purchase.

[0:46] Everyone should see it.

[0:47] I'm not sure if you guys noticed this when watching it, but at the end of the credits,

[0:51] when the film's title is supposed to come up, it's actually a different title.

[0:55] Instead of reading Twin Sitters, it says, The Babysitters.

[1:00] Just demonstrating how sloppily made this film is on every level.

[1:03] Thought I should point that out.

[1:04] I think I laughed for 10 minutes after seeing that.

[1:07] Also, if you guys considered doing Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li for the show, I think that

[1:11] would be pretty fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:12] In defense of Twin Sitters, they only came up with the title at the last minute.

[1:16] It did go into production as Untitled Barbarian Brothers Project.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20] I thought he was about to say, I don't know if you guys realize this, but those guys are

[1:24] twins.

Dan McCoy

[1:25] And I'm like, no, I learned that pretty early on.

Stuart Wellington

[1:29] It took me about 40 minutes into the movie, but I figured that one out.

[1:32] Wait a minute.

[1:33] What?

[1:34] Wait, those guys, is that the same guy who keeps walking around?

Elliott Kalan

[1:38] This effects technology is so good.

Dan McCoy

[1:41] Exactly.

[1:42] Like the Patty Duke show over here.

[1:43] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44] Parent Trap and whatnot.

Dan McCoy

[1:45] Forget about it.

[1:47] The Barbarian Brothers are such a big talent that basically they just run something in production.

[1:52] Every year there's a new Barbarian Brothers project, and they don't have a title, they don't

[1:55] have a script finished.

[1:56] They just churn them out.

[1:58] It's like a money creation machine.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] Yeah, and actors will do anything to work with the Barbarian Brothers.

[2:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:02] Yeah.

[2:03] They might as well print money with the Barbarian Brothers' faces on it.

[2:07] That'd be the most awesome money ever.

[2:09] Weirdly enough, not worth that much money.

Elliott Kalan

[2:12] I wish the back, instead of the pyramid with the eye floating above it, would be the pyramid

[2:15] with the Barbarian Brothers holding up the eye.

[2:17] And it says, in the Barbarian Brothers we trust.

[2:20] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[2:21] Topical.

[2:23] No, not at all.

[2:25] Topical.

Dan McCoy

[2:27] You hear about this in the news, the Barbarian Brothers?

[2:29] Wait, you guys, anybody hear about this?

[2:32] You hear about this in the news?

[2:33] It says, in God we trust, on the back of money.

[2:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:38] Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li, are we going to do that at some point?

[2:40] I watch it.

[2:41] That was on my wish list.

Stuart Wellington

[2:42] We should do it.

[2:43] That's based on one of those video games.

[2:45] One of the video games.

[2:46] Which one?

[2:47] The Street Fighter?

[2:48] Yeah, that's the one.

[2:48] I think it's based on Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo Edition.

Dan McCoy

[2:51] I believe Street Fighter's in fact...

[2:52] HD Remix?

[2:53] In the name of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[2:56] Like, Ninja Gaiden, the movie.

[2:58] Oh, what game is that based on?

[3:00] Tetris.

[3:01] What?

[3:02] Battletoads?

[3:03] Yeah.

[3:04] That was a game that Stuart mentioned earlier tonight, and it tickled me.

[3:08] I hadn't thought of Battletoads in a long time.

Stuart Wellington

[3:10] That was a good game, because if you could beat each other up, that was what was fun.

Dan McCoy

[3:14] Yeah.

[3:15] Easier to lose.

[3:16] Yeah.

[3:16] I'd also like to take a moment to point out that Chris' last name withheld here actually

[3:22] wrote us via Facebook, so that's another way that you can get in touch with us.

[3:24] You got faced!

[3:26] That's another way you can get in touch with us.

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] I don't know.

[3:28] That doesn't seem as adult as Facebook.

[3:30] Yeah, you got faced by Nora Ephron.

[3:33] So you can also talk to us through Facebook, what else?

[3:36] MySpace, FaceSpace, MyBook, and CompuServe.

[3:40] Tweetface.

[3:41] Tweetlook.

[3:42] Monster Garage.

[3:44] And Boy Meets World.

[3:46] Big Sausage Pizza.

Stuart Wellington

[3:47] And Big Sausage Pizza.

[3:49] Yeah, the link of BigSausagePizza.com.

[3:52] With my face on it.

[3:53] Yeah, just click on my face.

Elliott Kalan

[3:55] The page for no reason has a link of your face that goes to the Flophouse page.

[4:00] Why did we make this synergy agreement with Big Sausage Pizza?

[4:03] It doesn't make sense.

Dan McCoy

[4:04] Because it's hilarious.

[4:05] We get a lot of money from that.

[4:07] This second email is titled Incorrect Link.

[4:10] Uh-oh.

[4:11] And it's from your brother.

[4:12] Oh, I know what this is about.

[4:13] Yeah.

[4:13] It says, I brought to my brother's attention yesterday.

Stuart Wellington

[4:16] Is this about somebody who messed up his Link costume to a Halloween party?

Elliott Kalan

[4:21] Yes.

[4:22] He wanted to be Link from the Super Nintendo, from Ocarina of Time.

[4:26] Instead, he was Link from A Link to the Past.

[4:28] What a dork.

Dan McCoy

[4:30] Elliot's brother's really into cosplay.

[4:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:32] No.

[4:32] David, last name withheld.

Dan McCoy

[4:34] David, last name withheld.

[4:36] Elliot's brother.

[4:37] Writes to say, I brought to my brother's attention yesterday that your link to Righteous Kill's

[4:42] IMDB page is actually incorrectly linked to this URL.

[4:45] And he gives an incorrect URL, which would be a dead page.

[4:48] My brother, because he's a totally lazy jackass.

[4:53] Parentheses.

[4:53] How else do you explain that he's missed the lag three recording sessions in the last six

[4:58] weeks?

[4:58] Close parentheses.

[4:59] Damn.

[5:00] Oh my god.

[5:00] Told me to email you rather than just like calling you on the phone to fix the error.

[5:06] In any event, you may want to fix that.

[5:09] And I have fixed it.

[5:10] But Elliot, this brings up a question, which is, why don't you want to talk to me on the

[5:14] phone?

Elliott Kalan

[5:15] It has nothing to do with it.

[5:16] One, I don't.

[5:17] But that's because I don't like talking on the phone.

[5:19] Not because I don't want to talk to you.

[5:20] Two, I'm just trying to get my brother involved.

[5:23] Yeah.

[5:23] Three, I'm a busy man.

[5:25] I don't have time to remind you about links.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] You know, the part about this whole scenario that surprises me.

[5:30] Wait, like a link's like the cat?

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] No, like the handheld Atari device.

Dan McCoy

[5:36] Oh, I always wanted one of those.

[5:38] The part of this scenario that surprises me the most is the part where you say you don't

[5:42] like talking on the phone.

[5:43] Because every time I talk to you on the phone, and this is going to sound like I want to

[5:47] get off the phone with you, which is not the case.

[5:49] Well, I know you do.

[5:49] Because I enjoy talking to you.

[5:50] But you extend the call artificially by another 20 minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] I hate talking on the phone, but I like keeping people on the phone when the conversation

[5:59] is over with a lot of like, okay then.

[6:02] Okay.

[6:03] Here you go.

[6:04] All right.

[6:04] Well, what are you going to do?

[6:05] Wait.

[6:06] Hold on.

[6:06] And so forth.

Dan McCoy

[6:07] You know, I was actually talking to my wife about this very subject.

Elliott Kalan

[6:10] I wanted to say though, the way my brother has managed to capture his voice in text is

[6:15] amazing.

Dan McCoy

[6:16] Yeah.

[6:16] All right.

[6:16] Well, kudos to you, David.

[6:18] Last name was held, Kalen.

[6:20] Yeah.

[6:20] I actually said to my wife recently that I think that one thing that you and I have in common,

[6:25] Elliot, is the conversational gambit that is just to irritate the other person and how

[6:32] we both find that really hilarious.

[6:34] Yeah.

[6:34] It's funny.

[6:35] You didn't say that to your wife.

[6:36] I said exactly that.

[6:37] You're fucking with me.

[6:39] But how everyone else must find it extremely irritating.

Elliott Kalan

[6:43] Yeah.

[6:43] Well, that's why it's funny.

[6:45] Yeah.

[6:46] Elliot the jackass.

[6:47] But I do remember having that conversation over I Am with my brother where he notified

[6:51] me of the broken link and I said, well, you should write a letter to Dan about it.

Dan McCoy

[6:55] So, thank you for letting me know about the incorrect link.

[6:59] I have fixed it.

Stuart Wellington

[7:00] Did you do it while you were telling Sarah this thing about you and Elliot?

Dan McCoy

[7:04] No.

[7:05] Although I did tell Sarah this thing about me and Elliot on the way to a beach party for

[7:11] Elliot's fiance that I went to.

Stuart Wellington

[7:13] That I didn't get invited to.

[7:14] Mm-hmm.

[7:14] Yeah.

[7:15] I thought you were out of town.

[7:16] Way to rub it in, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] And then you told me you had plans that Sunday.

Stuart Wellington

[7:19] Yeah.

[7:19] Just keep...

[7:20] Next letter.

[7:21] A single tear is running down Stuart's cheek right now.

Elliott Kalan

[7:24] Also, I think Danielle got scared of you the one time she had a full Stuart experience.

Stuart Wellington

[7:29] Yeah.

[7:29] It's just...

[7:30] I'm kind of like David Lee Roth.

[7:32] The, like, palpable...

[7:33] Raw sexuality.

[7:34] Yeah.

[7:34] Palpable waves of heterosexuality come pouring off of me.

[7:38] Whereas Elliot's...

[7:38] It's like heat.

Dan McCoy

[7:39] Non-threatening non-heterosexuality.

[7:42] I mean, you can call it androgyny.

[7:43] Sure.

[7:43] What?

[7:44] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:44] I'm kind of like Klaus Nomi that way.

[7:46] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] Yeah.

[7:47] It's like milk-toasty androgyny.

[7:50] It's like what?

[7:50] Milk-toasty androgyny.

[7:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[7:52] Milk-toasty.

[7:53] Kind of the sexuality of Harold.

[7:54] Like a wallflower.

[7:55] Sure.

[7:55] Mm-hmm.

[7:56] You remember that first Peter Parker appearance when he's just a nerd before you become Spider-Man?

[8:02] Yeah.

[8:03] That's pretty much it.

Dan McCoy

[8:04] Oh, yeah.

[8:04] I can see that.

[8:05] Yeah.

[8:06] The last email that I have here has no subject.

[8:10] So it's a mystery what it's about.

[8:12] It's like a box with question marks all over it.

[8:15] And it's from Alex, last name withheld.

[8:19] And it says...

[8:19] Oh, no.

[8:19] Alex Proyas.

[8:21] He knows we made fun of his movie.

[8:23] Mainly his voice more than anything.

[8:25] Dear Daniel.

[8:27] Anyway.

[8:27] It says...

[8:28] Just wanted to say that Righteous Kill sounded like a truly horrible experience, but I really

[8:34] enjoyed Megan O'Neill's guest contribution.

[8:37] Although no one can replace Stuart and his infamous genitalia.

[8:42] Yeah.

[8:43] Woo.

[8:45] And he says...

[8:46] Somebody gets a hug.

[8:47] Also, do you think James Cameron's avatar will flop hard enough to make it onto your radar?

[8:52] You're a loyal listener.

[8:54] James Cameron?

Elliott Kalan

[8:55] That's a very nice loyal listener.

[8:56] You might not remember him since he hasn't made a movie since 1997.

Dan McCoy

[8:59] Well, he's...

[9:00] 1997?

[9:01] He's been underwater for the last decade.

[9:03] What's he been doing?

[9:05] Filming things?

[9:07] Growing gills?

Stuart Wellington

[9:08] Oh, he made The Abyss, right?

[9:09] Yes.

[9:09] Wait.

Dan McCoy

[9:10] And what's this avatar thing?

[9:12] He made True Lies.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] He's most famous for making True Lies.

[9:16] And he did that documentary about how Jesus wasn't real, right?

[9:20] What?

[9:21] Wasn't that...

[9:21] Didn't he produce that?

[9:23] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[9:24] What's the...

[9:24] What's...

[9:24] What's Avatar?

[9:26] It's about, as far as I can tell, some big-eyed blue people who spring around in some trees.

Elliott Kalan

[9:32] It seems to be about...

[9:34] Earth is at war with some sort of alien native culture, and space marines are turned into these

[9:40] things in order to learn about them, I guess.

[9:43] People online have pointed out that it appears to be...

Dan McCoy

[9:45] It appears to be Dances with Wolves.

[9:48] Yeah.

[9:49] That makes sense.

[9:49] Where there's a space marine who plays Kevin Costner, and the Native Americans are these

[9:53] weird elf-y creatures.

[9:56] ElfQuest-looking things.

[9:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:58] It's like he said.

[9:59] It's like when he comes blind.

[10:00] He wanted...

[10:00] He liked ElfQuest, but he wanted to make it look like the movie Ants.

[10:04] Okay.

[10:05] So they have that kind of CGI blocky look, but they're ElfQuest-type characters.

[10:09] And they're blue because he likes the Smurfs.

Stuart Wellington

[10:11] So do you think there's going to be a lot of Avatar cosplay shit going on soon?

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] Oh, I can only hope.

Stuart Wellington

[10:16] And some, like, YIF art?

Elliott Kalan

[10:18] I think it'll be big in the furry community.

[10:22] I'll be surprised if this movie is not a flop.

[10:26] It could very well be a success, but I'd be surprised.

[10:29] Maybe it'll open well off of James Cameron's name, and then not do so well.

Dan McCoy

[10:35] Everyone was saying that Titanic would be a flop, and then...

Elliott Kalan

[10:37] Except Titanic had at heart, like, a famous event, a love story, two incredibly popular

[10:44] leads.

[10:44] Billy Zane.

[10:45] Billy...

[10:46] The raw power of Billy Zane.

[10:48] The box office powerhouse that was Invisible Man star Gloria Stewart.

Stuart Wellington

[10:53] Whereas...

[10:54] The anthem is Billy Zane.

Dan McCoy

[10:56] Bill Paxton.

[10:58] Everyone's favorite, Bill Paxton.

Elliott Kalan

[11:00] And, of course, Kathy Bates is the unsinkable Molly Brown.

[11:03] Whereas this movie seems to have...

[11:06] As far as I can tell, it doesn't have any name stars in it.

[11:09] At least the trailer doesn't play them up.

Dan McCoy

[11:11] Terminator Salvation's Sam Worthington is the star.

Elliott Kalan

[11:14] Ah, above the title on Terminator Salvation.

[11:16] For sure.

[11:17] But it doesn't have any big stars.

[11:19] Who plays those big blue fuckers?

[11:20] They're all computers.

[11:21] It's all computer animation.

[11:22] They're played by computers, Stuart.

[11:25] The computers with masks taped onto them.

[11:29] I think a Tandy plays the lead.

[11:31] Jessica Tandy, yeah, plays the lead.

[11:34] But it just seems like...

[11:36] And everything in it looks like it came from a video game.

[11:38] Like, the whole thing looks like cut scenes from video games.

[11:40] Now you're just showing your age.

Stuart Wellington

[11:43] Video games are the entertainment of the future, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[11:46] Oh, I'm sorry that they are.

[11:47] Well, they can be the entertainment of the future, but movies shouldn't look like them.

[11:51] Or if they do, they shouldn't all look like them.

[11:54] What about Star Wars Phantom Menace?

[11:56] What about Max Payne?

[11:57] Well, there you go.

[11:58] Done.

[11:59] Yes, it wasn't very good.

[12:00] Again, Max Payne.

[12:02] Not very good.

Stuart Wellington

[12:03] What about the Transformers franchise?

[12:05] Again, not so good.

[12:07] Well, I think Avatar is going to be really good, so we'll move on from there.

[12:12] Yep.

[12:13] I apparently am irreplaceable.

[12:15] Although, I did appreciate that you guys tried to replace me.

[12:19] So you're saying...

[12:21] I'm glad you guys tried.

[12:22] You make it sound as if you...

Dan McCoy

[12:24] I'm honored by the fact that we saw your absence and was like,

[12:28] well, we gotta fill this hole somehow.

[12:31] We'll get someone in.

[12:33] Fill a hole, huh?

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] The way you said it, I'm honored that you tried to,

[12:37] makes it sound as if you're hinting that you've killed Megan

[12:40] and dumped her body somewhere the police will find with a riddle attached to it.

[12:43] It's like a gentleman's gambit.

[12:47] Nice try, guys.

[12:48] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[12:49] Impressive.

[12:50] Not impressive enough.

[12:52] And my eyes would turn into clocks and spin backwards.

[12:57] Time.

[12:58] You've got enough time in the world.

Dan McCoy

[13:02] All right.

[13:02] Well, on that sort of creepy note,

[13:05] that's it for this Flophouse mailbag.

[13:08] Movie Minute mailbag.

[13:11] I've been Dan McCoy.

[13:13] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[13:17] And I'm Elliot Kalin again.

[13:19] Thanks for writing.

The Flop House Movie Minute #29 - Movie Minute Mailbag

Transcript

In this episode

Description