The Flop House Movie Minute #29 - Movie Minute Mailbag

[0:00] It's the Flophouse Movie Minute!

[0:04] Hey everyone, so

[0:08] we got a lot of letters recently. Letters,

[0:12] we get, etc. So instead of sticking them all in a regular episode,

[0:16] we're going to answer a few in this movie minute. It's a Flophouse Movie Minute

[0:20] Mailbag! Alright, thanks for framing it in the most irritating way

[0:24] possible. What's next in the mailbag?

[0:28] Postmaster McCoy. Well, the first letter is from

[0:32] Chris Last Name Withheld in Toronto, and he says

[0:36] Dear Flopsters, sure that's us, I want to thank you for the recommendation

[0:40] of Twin Sitters. I bought it on Amazon and it lives up

[0:44] to the hype completely. Excellent purchase. Everyone should see it. I'm not sure if you

[0:48] guys noticed this when watching it, but at the end of the credits, when the film's

[0:52] title is supposed to come up, it's actually a different title.

[0:56] Instead of reading Twin Sitters, it says The Babysitters.

[1:00] Just demonstrating how sloppily made this film is on every level.

[1:04] Thought I should point that out. I think I laughed for ten minutes after seeing that. Also,

[1:08] if you guys consider doing Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li for the show, I think that would be

[1:12] pretty fun. In defense of Twin Sitters, they only came up with the title at the last

[1:16] minute. It did go into production as Untitled Barbarian Brothers Project.

[1:20] I thought he was about to say, I don't know if you guys realize this,

[1:24] but those guys are twins. I learned that pretty early on.

[1:28] It took me about 40 minutes into the movie, but I figured that one out.

[1:32] Wait a minute. What? Wait, those guys, is that

[1:36] the same guy who keeps walking around? This effects

[1:40] technology is so good. Exactly. Like a Patty Duke show over here.

[1:44] Parent Trap and whatnot. Forget about it. What you gotta understand is the Barbarian Brothers

[1:48] are such a big talent that basically they just run something in production.

[1:52] Every year there's a new Barbarian Brothers project and they don't have a title.

[1:56] They don't have a script finished. They just churn them out. It's like a money creation machine.

[2:00] Yeah, and actors will do anything to work with the Barbarian Brothers.

[2:04] They might as well print money with the Barbarian Brothers faces on it. That'd be the most awesome money

[2:08] ever. Weirdly enough, not worth that much money.

[2:12] I wish the back, instead of the pyramid with the eye floating above it, would be the pyramid

[2:16] with the Barbarian Brothers holding up the eye. And it says, in the Barbarian Brothers we trust.

[2:20] Topical!

[2:24] No, not at all. Topical!

[2:28] You hear about this in the news? The Barbarian Brothers?

[2:32] You hear about this in the news? It says, in God we trust, on the back of money?

[2:36] Street Fighter Legend of Chun-Li, are we going to do that

[2:40] at some point? That was on my wish list.

[2:44] That's based on one of those video games. Which one? The Street Fighter?

[2:48] I think it's based on Super Street Fighter 2 Turbo Edition.

[2:52] I believe Street Fighter is in fact an HD remix in the name of the movie.

[2:56] Like Ninja Gaiden, the movie. Oh, what game is that based on?

[3:00] Tetris. Battle Toads?

[3:04] That was a game that Stuart mentioned earlier tonight and it tickled me.

[3:08] I hadn't thought of Battle Toads in a long time. That was a good game.

[3:12] Because if you could beat each other up, that was fun.

[3:16] I'd also like to take a moment to point out that Chris,

[3:20] last name withheld here, actually wrote us via Facebook.

[3:24] You got faced!

[3:28] That doesn't seem as adult as Facebook. Yeah, you got faced by Nora Ephron.

[3:32] So you can also talk to us through Facebook,

[3:36] MySpace, FaceSpace, MyBook, and CompuServe.

[3:40] TweetFace, TweetLook, Monster Garage,

[3:44] and Boy Meets World.

[3:48] And BigSausagePizza. Yeah, the link of BigSausagePizza.com.

[3:52] With my face on it. Yeah, just click on my face.

[3:56] The page for no reason has a link of your face that goes to the Flophouse page.

[4:00] Why did we make this synergy agreement with BigSausagePizza?

[4:04] It doesn't make sense. Because it's hilarious! We get a lot of money from that.

[4:08] This second email is titled, Incorrect Link. Uh-oh. And it's from your brother.

[4:12] Oh, I know what this is about. It says,

[4:16] Is this about somebody who messed up his Link costume to a Halloween party?

[4:20] Yes! He wanted to be Link from

[4:24] the Super Nintendo, from Ocarina of Time, but instead he was Link from A Link to the Past.

[4:28] Oh, what a dork! Elliot's brother is really into cosplay.

[4:32] David, last name withheld. David, last name withheld.

[4:36] Elliot's brother writes to say,

[4:40] that your link to RighteousKill's IMDB page is actually

[4:44] incorrectly linked to this URL, and he gives an incorrect URL, which would be

[4:48] a dead page. My brother, because he's a totally lazy jackass,

[4:52] how else do you explain that he's missed

[4:56] three recording sessions in the last six weeks,

[5:00] told me to email you rather than just, like, calling you

[5:04] on the phone to fix the error. In any event, you may

[5:08] want to fix that. And I have fixed it. But Elliot, this brings up a question,

[5:12] which is, why don't you want to talk to me on the phone?

[5:16] It has nothing to do... One, I don't. But that's because I don't like talking on the phone. Not because I don't want to talk to you.

[5:20] Two, I'm just trying to get my brother involved.

[5:24] Three, I'm a busy man. I don't have time to remind you about Links.

[5:28] You know, the part about this whole scenario that surprised me... Wait, like a Link's, like, the cat?

[5:32] No, like the handheld Atari device.

[5:36] Oh, I always wanted one of those. The part of this scenario that surprises me

[5:40] the most is the part where you say you don't like talking on the phone, because

[5:44] every time I talk to you on the phone, and this is going to sound like I want to get off the phone

[5:48] with you, which is not the case, because I enjoy talking to you, but you extend

[5:52] the call artificially by another 20 minutes.

[5:56] I hate talking on the phone, but I like keeping people on the phone when the conversation is over

[6:00] with a lot of, like, okay then. Okay. Here you go.

[6:04] All right. Well, what are you going to do? Wait. Hold on. And so forth.

[6:08] You know, I was actually talking to my wife about this very subject.

[6:12] I wanted to say, though, the way my brother has managed to capture his voice in text is amazing.

[6:16] Yeah. All right. Well, kudos to you, David. Last name without Kalen.

[6:20] I actually said to my wife recently that I think

[6:24] the one thing that you and I have in common, Elliot, is the conversational

[6:28] gambit that is just to irritate the other person

[6:32] and how we both find that really hilarious. Yeah. It's funny.

[6:36] You didn't say that to your wife. I said exactly that. You're fucking with me.

[6:40] But how everyone else must find it extremely irritating.

[6:44] Yeah. Well, that's why it's funny. Yeah. Elliot the jackass.

[6:48] But I do remember having that conversation over IM with my brother where he notified me

[6:52] of the broken link, and I said, well, you should write a letter to Dan about it.

[6:56] So, thank you for letting me know about the incorrect link. I have fixed it.

[7:00] Did you do it while you were telling Sarah this thing about you and Elliot?

[7:04] No. Although, I did tell Sarah this thing about me and Elliot

[7:08] on the way to a beach party for Elliot's fiancé

[7:12] that I went to. That I didn't get invited to? Yeah. I thought you were out of town.

[7:16] Way to rub it in, dude. And then you told me you had plans that Sunday.

[7:20] Next letter. A single tear is running down Stuart's cheek right now.

[7:24] Also, I think Danielle got scared of you the one time she had a full

[7:28] Stuart experience. Yeah, it's just, I'm kind of like David Lee Roth.

[7:32] Like, palpable waves of heterosexuality

[7:36] come pouring off of me. Whereas Elliot's non-threatening

[7:40] non-heterosexuality. I mean, you can call it androgyny.

[7:44] I'm kind of like Klaus Nomi that way. Yeah. It's like

[7:48] milk-toasty androgyny. It's like what? Milk-toasty androgyny.

[7:52] Yeah, milk-toasty and the sexuality of Harold Lloyd. Like a wallflower. Sure.

[7:56] You remember that first Peter Parker appearance

[8:00] when he's just a nerd before he becomes Spider-Man? Yeah. That's pretty much it.

[8:04] Oh yeah, I can see that. The last email that I have here

[8:08] has no subject, so it's a mystery what it's about.

[8:12] It's like a box with question marks all over it.

[8:16] And it's from Alex, last name withheld, and it says...

[8:20] Oh no, Alex Proyas. He knows we made fun of his movie.

[8:24] His voice more than anything. Dear Daniel.

[8:28] It says, just wanted to say that Righteous Kill sounded like

[8:32] a truly horrible experience, but I really enjoyed Megan O'Neil's

[8:36] guest contribution, although no one can replace Stuart

[8:40] and his infamous genitalia. Yeah!

[8:44] And he says, somebody gets a hug. Also,

[8:48] do you think James Cameron's avatar will flop hard enough to make it onto your radar?

[8:52] You're a loyal listener. James Cameron?

[8:56] That's a very nice loyal listener. You might not remember him since he hasn't made a movie since 1997.

[9:00] 1997? He's been underwater for the last decade.

[9:04] What's he been doing? I don't know. Filming things?

[9:08] He made The Abyss, right? Yes. Wait, and what's this avatar thing?

[9:12] He made True Lies. He's most famous for making True Lies.

[9:16] And he did that documentary about how Jesus wasn't real, right?

[9:20] What? Didn't he produce that? Anyway.

[9:24] What's avatar? It's about, as far as I can tell,

[9:28] some big-eyed blue people who spring around in

[9:32] some trees. It seems to be about Earth is at war

[9:36] with some sort of alien native culture, and space marines

[9:40] are turned into these things in order to learn about them, I guess.

[9:44] People online have pointed out that it appears to be Dances with Wolves.

[9:48] Yeah, that makes sense. Where there's a space marine who plays Kevin Costner,

[9:52] and the Native Americans are these weird elfy creatures.

[9:56] ElfQuest-looking things. Yeah, it's like he said.

[10:00] He liked ElfQuest, but he wanted to make it look like the movie Ants.

[10:04] So they have that kind of CGI blocky look,

[10:08] but they're ElfQuest-type characters. And they're blue because he likes the Smurfs.

[10:12] So, do you think there's going to be a lot of avatar cosplay shit going on soon?

[10:16] I can only hope. And some Yiff art.

[10:20] I think it'll be big in the furry community. I'll be surprised if this movie

[10:24] is not a flop. It could very well be a success,

[10:28] but maybe it'll open well off of James Cameron's name,

[10:32] and then not do so well. I don't know, everyone was saying that

[10:36] Titanic would be a flop. Except Titanic had at heart

[10:40] a famous event, a love story, two incredibly popular leads.

[10:44] Billy Zane. The raw power of Billy Zane.

[10:48] The box office powerhouse that was Invisible Man star Gloria Stewart.

[10:52] Whereas...

[10:56] Bill Paxton. Everyone's favorite, Bill Paxton.

[11:00] And, of course, Kathy Bates as the unsinkable Molly Brown.

[11:04] Whereas this movie, as far as I can tell, doesn't have any name stars in it.

[11:08] At least the trailer doesn't play them up.

[11:12] Salvation's Sam Worthington is the star. Ah, above the title on Terminator Salvation.

[11:16] But it doesn't have any big stars. Who plays those big blue fuckers?

[11:20] They're all computers. It's all computer animation.

[11:24] They're computers with masks taped onto them.

[11:28] I think a Tandy plays the lead.

[11:32] Jessica Tandy, yeah, plays the lead.

[11:36] And everything in it looks like it came from a video game. The whole thing looks like cutscenes

[11:40] from video games. Now you're just showing your age.

[11:44] Video games are the entertainment of the future, Elliot.

[11:48] Well, they can be the entertainment of the future, but movies shouldn't look like them.

[11:52] Or if they do, they shouldn't all look like them.

[11:56] What about Star Wars Phantom Menace?

[12:00] Well, there you go. Done. Yes, it wasn't very good.

[12:04] What about the Transformers franchise?

[12:08] Well, I think Avatar is going to be really good, so we'll move on from there.

[12:12] Yep, I apparently am irreplaceable.

[12:16] Although I did appreciate that you guys tried to replace me.

[12:20] I'm glad you guys tried.

[12:24] You were honored by the fact that we saw your absence

[12:28] and was like, well, we gotta fill this hole somehow.

[12:32] We'll get someone in.

[12:36] The honor that you tried to makes it sound as if you're hinting that you've killed Megan

[12:40] and dumped her body somewhere that the police will find with a riddle attached to it.

[12:44] It's like a gentleman's gambit.

[12:48] Nice try, guys.

[12:52] Impressive. Not impressive enough.

[12:56] And my eyes would turn into clocks and spin backwards.

[13:00] Time? We've got enough time in the world!

[13:04] On that sort of creepy note, that's it for this Flophouse Mailbag.

[13:08] Movie Minute Mailbag.

[13:12] I've been Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington.

[13:16] And I'm Elliot Kaelin again.

[13:20] Thanks for writing.

The Flop House Movie Minute #29 - Movie Minute Mailbag

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