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The Flop House: Episode #45 - Skinwalkers

main Episode #77 Sep 13, 2009 00:50:09
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Transcript

[0:00] On this episode, we welcome two werewolf experts to discuss the movie, Skinwalkers.
[0:31] Hello, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.
[0:35] I'm Stuart Wellington.
[0:37] I'm Elliot Kalin.
[0:38] And we've got a few extra guests tonight. Please introduce yourselves.
[0:43] Hi, my name is Rich Duncan. I've been on the podcast before.
[0:46] Yeah, you're actually the most frequent guest host, by the way.
[0:49] Oh, sweet.
[0:50] With this appearance.
[0:51] My name is Bob Powers, and this is my first time on the podcast, and I'm real excited.
[0:56] Yeah, there are five of us today huddled around three microphones, so we apologize to long-time listeners if there's a dip in radio quality.
[1:05] And if you're listening for the first time, this is not representative.
[1:09] Yeah, Elliot's on my lap this time.
[1:12] If he gets the giggles, it's because of a tickle fight we're having.
[1:16] Or the erection pressing into his back.
[1:19] Dan, you took things to such a gutter level right off the bat.
[1:23] And you usually, yeah, Mr. Prudery, Thomas Baudelaire himself.
[1:29] Instead, wow.
[1:31] So why do we have five people on the show, you may ask yourself, rhetorical listener that I've just created.
[1:38] And the answer is because the two gentlemen sitting to my right, Mr. Bob Powers and Mr. Rich Duncan,
[1:45] wrote the upcoming book, The Werewolf's Guide to Life, which will be out the Tuesday following this podcast release.
[1:53] Is that correct?
[1:54] September 15th.
[1:55] So in the next couple days when you hear this podcast, remember not to tip your waitresses.
[2:01] Save that money and instead spend it on this werewolf book.
[2:04] I assume that in this economy, you know, they need to find that money someplace else to apply to your werewolf guide.
[2:10] I mean, I think it's $13.
[2:11] I think you could probably not be a jerk to your waitstaff.
[2:14] And additionally also purchase the book.
[2:16] At that price point, you could buy a couple and tip your waitress with a copy of the book.
[2:20] Yeah.
[2:21] That's a very reasonable price point.
[2:22] Yeah.
[2:23] I mean, you just don't get that extra large Cold Stone Creamery thing you get.
[2:27] Yeah.
[2:28] That people like to purchase.
[2:29] Right?
[2:30] Now, cut back on the sweets.
[2:35] Rich, you are currently a blogger for True TV.
[2:39] And Bob, I know that you've written a couple of other books, a couple of Choose Your Own Adventure for adults.
[2:46] Correct.
[2:47] Yes.
[2:48] The Just Make a Choice adventure series.
[2:50] And also based on your popular blog, Girls Are Pretty, you also had another book.
[2:55] Called Happy Cruelty Day.
[2:57] Yeah.
[2:58] See, I'm doing a good job.
[2:59] You're doing a great job.
[3:00] I'm plugging everyone's projects.
[3:01] Based on your blog.
[3:03] Not like and you had another book, but you had to explain why you thought that.
[3:08] Well, actually, Dan is right.
[3:10] Because way more people know about the blog than ever bought that book.
[3:15] Never mind then.
[3:17] Also, you are doing a great job.
[3:19] Except for the only thing that's different between you and Charlie Rose is Charlie Rose rarely turns to his guest and goes,
[3:23] I'm doing a good job, right?
[3:25] Well, you are.
[3:28] You're doing a great job.
[3:29] Charlie Rose with a touch of Ed Koch.
[3:30] I appreciate your posture.
[3:32] Thank you.
[3:36] Listeners right now, Dan looks like he has been handcuffed underneath the table.
[3:42] And he's presently trying to put a file into the lock to get free.
[3:49] Just so you know, also like Charlie Rose, this show is recorded on the edge of an empty void of endless blackness.
[3:59] Hey, this is all well and good, guys.
[4:02] We're already having a lot of laughs.
[4:04] But don't we usually talk about a fucking movie or something?
[4:06] Oh, that's true.
[4:07] We did watch a movie tonight.
[4:09] This is such a weird day.
[4:10] Dan's talking about penises.
[4:12] Stuart's a stickler for keeping on topic.
[4:14] Like, come on, guys.
[4:15] We've got to take a shit later.
[4:16] We better hurry up.
[4:17] Yeah, he's even a stickler for staying on schedule with his bowel movements.
[4:22] Yeah, absolutely.
[4:23] Well, what movie was it, Dan?
[4:24] Oh, it's 10.03.
[4:25] It was called Skinwalkers.
[4:26] And it was a movie about werewolves, which is why we have the authors of The Werewolf's Guide to Life here in the studio.
[4:33] They're experts.
[4:34] Experts on the subject.
[4:36] Werewolf-sperts.
[4:38] Mm-hmm.
[4:39] What?
[4:40] That's the term.
[4:41] What?
[4:42] We call ourselves legendary community activists.
[4:45] All right.
[4:46] It's explained to us in a piece of text on the screen before the film starts that skinwalker is a Navajo term for werewolf.
[4:56] And that there's a prophecy that one day a 13-year-old boy will be born who will turn 13 years old when the full moon turns red.
[5:04] And he'll have the ability to end the curse of werewolfism.
[5:08] And there are two kinds of werewolves, the good kind who want to end werewolfism and the bad kind who want to keep being werewolves.
[5:16] And the reason they're bad is because they've tasted human blood, which unleashes the beast within.
[5:22] Much like monster energy drink unleashes the beast within.
[5:25] Yes.
[5:26] It's like monster energy drink with evil consequences as opposed to helping you with your workout, which I assume is what people drink.
[5:32] And making you more attractive to women.
[5:34] Well, you think of Axe Body Spray.
[5:35] Oh, shit.
[5:36] You're right.
[5:37] You've been drinking Axe Body Spray.
[5:40] And drinking it.
[5:42] This tastes terrible.
[5:45] Incidentally, a real werewolf can smell Axe Body Spray from up to 10 miles away.
[5:49] Wow.
[5:50] As opposed to the traditional five.
[5:52] There's normal, non-lycanthrope human.
[5:55] Now, is that just like lady werewolves are still the only ones attracted by Axe?
[5:59] Or do you think all werewolves?
[6:00] Is that the proper term?
[6:01] Lady werewolves?
[6:02] Yeah.
[6:03] Lady werewolves?
[6:04] I would think she-wolves.
[6:05] She-wolves of the SS?
[6:07] Well, that was one type of she-wolf.
[6:08] There's no direct term for female or male werewolves.
[6:11] If you're a werewolf or you're a lycanthrope, there's no superheroes.
[6:15] You're still just a man or a woman.
[6:17] Okay.
[6:18] Well, anyway, so this is the story of these two battling groups of werewolves
[6:23] who don't wolf out that much, and they spend a lot of time cocking guns
[6:26] and shooting at each other.
[6:27] Do they play basketball?
[6:28] Unfortunately, no.
[6:29] There's no basketball playing in the entire film.
[6:31] But the young boy is named Tim, and he's with his mother,
[6:35] played by what's her name, Rona Martin?
[6:37] Rona Mitra.
[6:38] Rona Mitra.
[6:39] They're surrounded by a group of people, including Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles star,
[6:42] Elias Kodeas, and a couple of others.
[6:45] And Elias Kodeas is the boy's uncle.
[6:47] And there's this evil group of werewolves that's chasing after them, looking for this boy.
[6:52] It's kind of hard to summarize the plot since there's next to none.
[6:55] It's just kind of one group following another.
[6:57] It's another movie about a prophecy.
[6:59] There's a prophecy kid, and one group wants the kid,
[7:02] and the other group wants to protect the kid.
[7:04] And it turns out that the leader of the evil group is actually the kid's father
[7:09] and the brother of Elias Kodeas,
[7:11] and that really doesn't complicate things that much as the plot continues.
[7:15] And then there's a big showdown in a warehouse.
[7:18] The good werewolves are kind of picked off one by one.
[7:21] Then they're in a warehouse that is inexplicably on fire.
[7:24] And in the end, should I give away the ending?
[7:27] Yeah, please.
[7:28] Okay.
[7:29] In the end, the boy turns 13.
[7:32] I guess he was born at the stroke of midnight,
[7:34] so he turns 13 exactly on midnight of his birthday.
[7:38] It's like a Salman Rushdie novel.
[7:41] Or as I said, like a werewolf bar mitzvah.
[7:43] Yes.
[7:44] This literally is his werewolf bar mitzvah,
[7:46] although I don't think they're Jewish, so that's the thing.
[7:48] Well, they look kind of Jewish.
[7:50] They were swarthy.
[7:52] That's true.
[7:53] Well, it was pointed out.
[7:54] I forget who pointed it out.
[7:55] It might have been Rich.
[7:56] But the way that they hired people to play Native Americans in this
[7:59] was they got kind of swarthy people and then always bothered you.
[8:02] Is that what I'm saying?
[8:03] They told them not to shave,
[8:04] and then they made them stay up for 24 hours before they came on set.
[8:08] So to be a Native American is to be swarthy and tired and unshaven.
[8:13] But in the end, all the werewolves are fighting,
[8:16] and Elias Kotius is the only good werewolf left.
[8:18] He sounds pretty good.
[8:19] He tells Tim and his mother,
[8:21] he locks them in an elevator or a cage or something in his factory,
[8:25] and he says,
[8:26] I'll fight them off, but I won't be able to control myself once I'm a wolf,
[8:29] so you might have to shoot me.
[8:31] He fights off the other evil werewolves.
[8:33] That came back to bite him in the ass, didn't it?
[8:35] You think he's killed the leader of the bad werewolves?
[8:38] He turns on the mother and the son.
[8:40] They shoot and kill him.
[8:41] The leader of the bad werewolves comes back.
[8:43] He's not dead.
[8:44] Uh-oh.
[8:45] And then he bites his son just as it turns midnight, basically,
[8:50] and his son's blood cures him of his werewolfism,
[8:54] and it ends with the hope that if they—
[8:57] Go around the world and inoculate every werewolf with this kid's blood.
[9:02] It also shows them injecting the kid's blood into bullets,
[9:05] I guess, to shoot werewolves and kill them.
[9:10] Just before you die, you'll be cured.
[9:14] Think about that.
[9:15] That'll be good because the bullet itself will cause a lot of damage.
[9:18] Because then they'll be killing regular humans, and that's—
[9:21] No, that's still murder, right?
[9:23] The blood that flows on the floor underneath you will be pure.
[9:26] It's just like Nicole Kidman in The Invasion where she's killing people
[9:29] because they've been taken over by an alien virus,
[9:33] but at the end they discover a cure for the virus,
[9:36] so she is just a mass murderer at that point.
[9:39] I feel like every time I see you, Elliot, I'm always hearing, you know,
[9:41] this is just like Nicole Kidman in The Invasion.
[9:44] It's such a good movie, and it implies so many things.
[9:47] Daniel Craig.
[9:48] The only other thing of real interest is that, I guess,
[9:50] that the good werewolves, when they wolf out, as it's said in Teen Wolf,
[9:54] when they wolf out is they put themselves in elaborate restraints and harnesses
[9:58] so that they can't get out and hurt people.
[10:00] Once you taste human blood, you'll be a wolf forever and a bad guy.
[10:05] So they have to stop themselves from eating human blood.
[10:07] Again, it's like Monster Energy drink.
[10:09] Well, it might be. It is like – it might be a wereform.
[10:11] So I mean Judeans are not supposed to drink blood or eat the food with blood in it.
[10:15] So it's supposed to be drained out, which is why…
[10:17] Whereas we Gentiles just love the taste of blood, the refreshing taste of blood.
[10:21] It is why steak – I went to a kosher steakhouse not too long ago and the steak was very dry and tasteless.
[10:27] It's because there's no blood in it.
[10:29] Do they – no, I'm not going to get into it.
[10:31] How do they cook that steak?
[10:34] Does that go well or very well?
[10:38] They smoke it.
[10:39] They smoke it for hours.
[10:41] They take the cow and they drain out all the blood.
[10:43] They put embalming fluid in the cow and then they make a steak out of that.
[10:46] That sounds pretty good.
[10:47] So that's the movie in a nutshell.
[10:48] Okay.
[10:49] It was an hour and a half of pure hilarity.
[10:51] And the movie ends with that – you made the point.
[10:54] It ends exactly like The Matrix where they're like, oh, wow, I've now become the salvation of werewolf kind.
[11:00] But our job isn't done yet.
[11:02] That's a story for another day.
[11:04] Skinwalkers 2.
[11:05] And then credits.
[11:06] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.
[11:08] And then a very, very poor imitation of Rage Against the Machine plays over the end credits.
[11:12] So, Rich, you look like you're raring to make some comments about the depiction of werewolves.
[11:17] You've ducked towards the microphone several times and backed off.
[11:21] Well, we're short a microphone.
[11:22] So what happens is I think I might have a good idea, and then the time that it takes me to lean in makes me realize perhaps not.
[11:28] But I wanted to take a moment to talk about real werewolves since this is Hollywood depictions of werewolves.
[11:35] And in our book, what we're doing is we're doing our best to make sure that real werewolves out there are not confused by what they see in Hollywood horror films.
[11:44] We stress they can be entertaining.
[11:46] This particular one, not so much.
[11:48] Right.
[11:49] Hollywood horror films can be entertaining, but they're terrible ways to actually live as a werewolf.
[11:52] These are specifically like Native American werewolves.
[11:55] So this is only like – even if it was true –
[11:57] Vanishing werewolves.
[11:58] Yeah, this would only apply to a minority group within the werewolf community.
[12:01] I mean, the problem is if there's ever been an oppressed minority, it's Native American werewolves.
[12:05] The Native American people had their land stolen, forced on reservations, and then the werewolves forced on smaller reservations within those reservations.
[12:13] The werewolves were given a bunch of silver with smallpox on it.
[12:16] It was terrible.
[12:19] We did buy Werewolf Island for $24 worth of trinkets.
[12:22] Anyway, but you were saying?
[12:24] We get a lot of questions about which werewolf movie is right.
[12:27] Are there things in this movie or that movie?
[12:29] And we just generally – we just say avoid Hollywood movies for ways to learn about your lycanthropy.
[12:35] There are signs that are out there that have very little to do with your Native American rat tales, although we will say if you want –
[12:43] what I would like to do is focus on the positive as opposed to the negative.
[12:46] I'd say the restraint systems in this movie were shockingly effective.
[12:51] Yeah, and probably a good sex aid as well.
[12:54] Well, they could be because they're very loose.
[12:56] Bob wrote most of the chapter on the restraints.
[12:58] What do you think about the restraint systems in this?
[13:00] They looked accurate.
[13:02] And actually, yeah, the sex aid is a good point because a lot of restraint systems are –
[13:12] a lot of restraint systems for werewolves are designed by people who design S&M restraint systems or S&M contraptions.
[13:22] You basically – they will – they're the right people to go to because, you know, first of all, they don't ask a lot of questions.
[13:28] They are willing to work with – they want to be challenged.
[13:32] So if you tell them you need something stronger, an odd material to make it out of, that kind of thing, they want to work with you.
[13:40] So I thought the restraint systems in this movie were pretty good.
[13:45] I liked your use of the word S&M contraption.
[13:48] That phrase made me think of like an old man in a small town who's like,
[13:54] oh, these darn S&M contraptions.
[13:57] He's like hitting the side of some sort of leather civian device to get it to work again.
[14:03] Or maybe it's like a Rube Goldberg.
[14:05] Yeah, a Rube Goldberg machine.
[14:07] You light the candle, then it will burn through the string, and the canary will fall asleep, and then eventually you'll get spanked.
[14:14] When I make love, it often looks like the game Mouse Trap.
[14:20] So it's not really a game. It's just like a stupid puzzle you set up, right?
[14:24] That's what Mouse Trap is.
[14:25] Well, it's a game in that there's a winner.
[14:27] Well, kind of.
[14:28] Basically, he goes around the board first, and then gets caught in a mouse trap or something, right?
[14:32] I'm talking about in the S&M, there's a winner.
[14:34] Oh, there's a winner in S&M?
[14:36] Is there a safe word in the game Mouse Trap? I'm not sure.
[14:39] Usually the safe word is let's not play this anymore.
[14:43] And then you get up and walk away from it.
[14:45] This is really irritating. Try and set up this thing.
[14:47] This broke.
[14:48] That's the safe word.
[14:50] I think we're missing a piece.
[14:52] I would like to add one more thing just to the restraint discussion.
[14:55] We said the restraints in this movie were good.
[14:58] The one thing I would definitely recommend people never do, for some reason in this movie,
[15:03] when the werewolves were restrained in the truck, there was always someone constantly driving the truck.
[15:09] It was a huge truck, and there were wild werewolves, three or four of them, strapped to the walls of the truck,
[15:15] and they were driving around, which seems incredibly reckless to me.
[15:18] Yeah, well, Rich, I would say that those people were safe at all times, though.
[15:22] However, because it was clear that there was no truck driving going on,
[15:26] that it was all done by rear screen projection, all those scenes where the werewolves were restrained.
[15:32] Dan, you were saying while we were watching it,
[15:34] this is the worst driving effects you've seen in a movie where it wasn't making a joke about bad driving special effects.
[15:42] Yeah, like Kill Bill, where it's a point where Quentin Tarantino's like,
[15:45] oh, I love it in old movies where they're clearly in front of just a film screen,
[15:51] and they're projecting stuff on the back.
[15:53] In modern movies, they get someone to tow someone around.
[15:56] Apparently, this movie didn't have the extra money to pay for a driver to tow the actors around.
[16:01] They couldn't really pay for extras for most of the scenes, so I can understand.
[16:05] They spent all their money on the fabulous special effects.
[16:08] Presented by the Stan Winston effects shop.
[16:11] Never lets you down, right?
[16:13] I don't know. This one, kind of. It was no pumpkin head. Let's just say that.
[16:18] That's fair. I heard there was a sex scene early on in this movie. How'd that work out?
[16:23] Stuart did not get to see the entire film.
[16:25] Let's come clean. Stuart had an issue at his day job, which meant that he came in.
[16:33] Dude, you could have tried to make it seem like it was something cool.
[16:36] We didn't say what your day job was.
[16:38] Oh, okay. My day job is I'm a cage fighter.
[16:41] As a costume hero.
[16:43] Yeah, as a costume vigilante.
[16:45] That's the weird thing is my day job is I'm moonlight as a costume vigilante, and by night I'm a podcaster.
[16:52] I don't tell the people in my day job about my night job. That would be weird.
[16:58] It's a lot like the movie Angel, isn't it?
[17:00] It's exactly like the movie Angel. Stripper by day, student by night. Is that it?
[17:04] Mm-hmm.
[17:05] No, wait.
[17:07] She's a stripper during the day when there aren't a lot of customers, and then she takes night classes.
[17:14] She can't figure out how to make this work out differently.
[17:18] She can only afford the night class.
[17:20] One day all the strippers find out about school.
[17:22] She doesn't make enough stripping during the day.
[17:25] Is there some way I could make more money?
[17:27] It's a real stripping catch-22.
[17:30] That's the original title of the book.
[17:36] Joseph Heller's stripping catch-22.
[17:38] So yeah, I missed the first bunch of the movie guys.
[17:41] So I, like you, the viewers or listeners at home, I have no idea what the fuck happened this week.
[17:46] Well, you're referring to there's a scene where the good guys and the bad guys have had a shootout in the town.
[17:51] The good guys escaped.
[17:52] Sounds like a set-up for a sex scene.
[17:54] The next thing you see is a roadside bar called The Last Chance Saloon, which is a stupid name.
[17:59] There's a very hot waitress there, and she delivers two beers to two guys playing pool.
[18:05] Or maybe she's not even a waitress because she says, are we going to play some pool?
[18:08] And then they say, yeah, we'll play something, and they throw her on the billiard table and are about to rape her.
[18:13] And then one of the evil –
[18:15] While there are other patrons in the bar.
[18:17] In the middle of the day.
[18:19] No, it's that night.
[18:20] There were other patrons in the bar in the acute.
[18:22] It was dusk at best.
[18:23] One of the evil werewolves is a woman.
[18:25] So she is – you see she's at the bar.
[18:28] She turns in werewolf form and kills these two rapists.
[18:31] And for a moment you're like, oh, I get it.
[18:34] She did it to protect that woman because she's a woman.
[18:36] Yeah, the werewolves aren't all bad.
[18:37] They're anti-rape.
[18:38] Then the other werewolves come in and kill everybody and eat the woman who was about to be raped.
[18:42] And that segues – and they cut between them eating people and the leader of the bad werewolves and the woman having sex.
[18:50] The werewolf woman.
[18:51] The werewolf woman, okay.
[18:53] Is she all werewolfed out while they're having sex?
[18:55] No, but there's a little bit of hair on her back, but that might have been there.
[18:57] I didn't notice that.
[18:58] That's kind of gross.
[18:59] Are you serious?
[19:00] Yeah.
[19:01] I didn't notice that.
[19:02] Yeah, I'm not down with that.
[19:03] It looks like they're having sex as they segue out of being werewolves.
[19:05] It was very useless.
[19:07] There was absolutely no segue.
[19:09] It wasn't a segue.
[19:10] It was just a thematic area.
[19:12] It was cut and cut back and forth.
[19:14] Yeah, intercut between eating the victims that they just saved and having sex.
[19:22] Sexual assault ruins the flavor of a victim apparently.
[19:25] True.
[19:26] I guess.
[19:27] But they're telling us that drinking the blood of humans is akin to orgasm.
[19:32] It feels that good.
[19:33] Oh.
[19:34] More of a – oh, is that the reference?
[19:37] That sounds gross as a drug.
[19:39] Maybe I can change it.
[19:40] It sounds pretty high-end.
[19:41] Because later one of the good characters is turned by being forced to drink human blood, and she is saying to the other good characters,
[19:47] oh, if I could only share this feeling with you.
[19:50] Oh, it feels so good.
[19:52] Oh, oh, and then she dies because she's a bad werewolf.
[19:55] Wait, she's like a vampire or something?
[19:57] No.
[19:58] It was a very vampire-ish kind of a theme.
[20:00] into it and the bar scene in particular dan commented was a very a lot like near
[20:03] dark i feel like this was uh...
[20:06] you know they want to make a werewolf movie but
[20:08] you know they decided to make it vampire because they will know a little bit more
[20:11] about that so she drank human blood
[20:13] uh... i assume so i don't that's what i i i i should have had a scene frankly
[20:17] where they drag a normal human victim over and kill him and force her to drink
[20:21] his blood
[20:22] it would have made it much clearer
[20:23] as opposed to the endless scenes of people explaining the prophecy to other
[20:27] which has already been explained to us via text before the movie starts
[20:32] the setup for this movie couldn't be simpler
[20:34] and yet they obfuscated for like the first fifteen minutes of the movie
[20:38] the setup is just
[20:39] okay they're uh... bad werewolves
[20:42] who enjoy being werewolves and there are good werewolves who look on it as a curse
[20:47] and there's a kid
[20:48] who can cure them all and they gotta keep this kid safe
[20:51] until he's thirteen
[20:53] like that's all like that's
[20:54] basically the whole movie what about elliot the uh... videotape at the
[20:58] beginning the videotape at the beginning is something that the
[21:00] wait a minute there's videotape? he said as if that was the most exciting
[21:04] if they watch the videotape the phone will ring and they will instantly turn into a werewolf
[21:08] if they watch the videotape a phone rings and it tells them how much longer
[21:12] the shooting schedule is and when they can move on to another project it's a
[21:15] movie within the movie it's uh... it opens with a videotape
[21:19] there's another there's a new tit
[21:21] i don't know what i'm saying
[21:23] i don't know how tit got into that title but it's there's a there's another group
[21:27] the movie one of the things the movie opens on is another group of good
[21:30] vampires one of them is named ralph we don't know the other names
[21:32] oh sorry werewolves i got them confused it's a vampire movie
[21:37] that's why it pretty much is it's a vampire movie but all of them are hairier
[21:41] but also vampires and werewolves as we all know are constantly fighting and this is a movie about
[21:46] werewolves and werewolves fighting don't even get us started
[21:51] there's a group of good werewolves
[21:54] and they're watching a video of the boy tim
[21:57] and it's a video that's been sent out by tim's protectors to tell other good
[22:00] werewolves
[22:01] don't give up faith we have the boy he's doing well you can see you can be saved
[22:06] if you hold on a little bit longer and they know that it's tim because there's a big sign that says
[22:10] tim above his bed his bed has in big letters tim right above his bed
[22:14] so this is a horror movie that pretty much could just be not necessary if they
[22:18] used skype so we're saying yeah probably
[22:21] well it seems like odd knowing that there are bad
[22:24] werewolves out there so let's send out proof that this is still going on
[22:28] let's issue documentation of what this boy looks like
[22:32] well the boys back is to the camera they only find him
[22:36] because they can see
[22:38] i guess like a sweatshirt or something in the background i think it's a sports jacket
[22:41] maybe or a varsity jacket yeah it's kind of a varsity jacket that says hugonot on it which is the
[22:45] name of the town the boy grows up in
[22:47] which has
[22:48] uh... a thriving uh... business district that no people are in it and also a cafe
[22:53] with a sheriff in it i'm amazed they knew it was the town hugonot and they didn't think that the boy was just a hugonot
[22:58] maybe
[22:59] we gotta save him from rishalu
[23:01] so
[23:02] elliot
[23:03] yeah uh...
[23:05] i feel like you're the only one who saw this movie
[23:08] i feel like you made this movie and i'm asking you
[23:13] there were a couple times during the movie when i correctly predicted what line
[23:17] would be said next this child is the prophecy he's the future because he has
[23:22] mixed blood he's a half breed his father's a werewolf and his mother is a nut wolf
[23:26] would it not be possible to make
[23:30] vast
[23:32] army of these children just by mating with humans you would think so except maybe
[23:36] like it only works sometimes they never really explain
[23:42] they never really explain what's special about him besides the fact that he's a half breed and in that case yeah they could just make half breeds
[23:51] you have to assume and i kept thinking of the share song half breed
[23:54] like rona mitra is the only woman who has ever been attracted to a werewolf man
[24:00] that's what you have to assume
[24:02] bestial nature to be fair the other werewolves are not attractive men
[24:06] he's kind of a handsome guy so let him run well yeah i guess he doesn't want to
[24:10] and then he's cut man
[24:11] yeah and he has great abs
[24:15] he has abs like the batman costume let's discuss the strategy of the uh... bad
[24:20] werewolves though because
[24:21] once the bad werewolves figure out where the boy is what they do is they
[24:25] they're out in the woods
[24:27] they cock their guns for about uh... fifteen minutes and rev their
[24:32] motorcycles and they put on sunglasses and then they slowly drive in at about twelve
[24:38] miles an hour into the center of town
[24:40] park their motorcycles and this is they drive in and the only dangerous thing
[24:44] that happens is i guess the force of the shock of them driving into town knocks a
[24:48] mug off of a railing and it crashes they drive into town park their motorcycles
[24:53] then walk around the town square with their guns out
[24:56] and i guess wait till they see you know just waiting for a showdown yeah oh and also they have a falcon
[25:01] that tells them they have a falcon that they send ahead as a scout to see
[25:05] things
[25:06] never explain what this is how they're related to it with you know werewolves have falcon powers
[25:11] well yeah do werewolves normally have falcon powers guys
[25:14] not that i know of
[25:16] it's really more of a thing i think that's the only element of the
[25:21] native american culture that they might have thrown into this
[25:24] somebody might be like an animal shaman i guess so i think yeah
[25:28] that they can talk to the animals like the indians or dr doolittle
[25:32] they should have thrown in i don't know a couple of totem poles or something or a native american
[25:37] or a native american there's the one guy with the red tail haircut
[25:42] his head is shaved on the sides what's his name though i'm still not convinced
[25:46] i think he
[25:47] no it wasn't cateyas
[25:49] i think he's mexican
[25:51] he looked like a that was the guy who looked like john larrakat right? yes he looked like a puffy
[25:55] native american john larrakat i mean i think we've seen him in a million movies but
[25:59] yeah i think he changed he has two resumes
[26:05] yes exactly one says running bear and the other says
[26:11] gomez
[26:15] you don't think he has like a character head shot where there's like
[26:18] there's him in a sailor suit
[26:22] nobody wants me as a clown
[26:25] they only want me as native american wiseman
[26:27] wiseman? so he's a jewish native american?
[26:32] this is how wiseman
[26:34] rabbi shaman wiseman
[26:36] he's like a jeweler
[26:39] and i don't know why that would be why a jeweler
[26:42] i don't know
[26:43] stewart thinks that because he's now dating a jew he meant moneylender
[26:47] oh okay yeah like a banker
[26:50] of course yeah a jewish guy
[26:54] werewolves
[26:56] yeah okay well here's another question
[26:58] four werewolves they spend
[27:00] a lot of their time just shooting at each other is this common? is this a common attack?
[27:05] like for werewolves?
[27:07] well let me just clear up one little misconception this whole thing of like
[27:10] is this a common werewolf attack
[27:13] werewolves
[27:14] three days out of the month are werewolves
[27:16] like a week later that same guy who was a werewolf
[27:19] he's a lawyer
[27:21] yeah so you're calling me a racist is what you're saying
[27:25] i wouldn't say it's a racist i mean generally werewolves are all
[27:29] based on hollywood horror movies where they're shooting each other and doing
[27:32] things and werewolves are
[27:33] doing their jobs and paying their taxes and you know keeping their noses clean
[27:37] is the term wolfman offensive?
[27:39] i think since generally pretty much all werewolves are kind of in the
[27:44] closet is that the right way to say that bob? i don't know what do you think?
[27:47] i mean uh...
[27:49] bob cannot be less engaged
[27:52] i'm engaged, sure
[27:54] uh... i mean uh...
[27:56] until there's any degree of openness like i mean at this point if a
[28:01] real werewolf were to come out on tv and say i'm a werewolf
[28:03] oh we would kill him
[28:05] exactly he'd be dead
[28:09] i mean my group the anti-werewolf gang
[28:11] oh boy here we go the a.w.g. the anti-werewolf gang
[28:15] the terrible name you do a lot of karate? it's non-stop karate
[28:21] it's just karate watching werewolf movies and shaking our fists at them
[28:26] and occasionally we do like we'll paint a school as a charity thing
[28:31] well maybe werewolves can come out then i don't know i didn't think it was going to be
[28:34] all i have to worry about is karate
[28:36] but you're saying they're afraid to reveal themselves? they need to keep secret
[28:40] yes if you knew a werewolf was living in your neighborhood
[28:43] uh... and if especially if he got loose and attacked someone. oh i would burn his house down. everyone would attack him
[28:48] they probably wouldn't engage in a gun battle in the middle of town
[28:53] well
[28:54] they would have to if they haven't
[28:57] changed yet you know if it's not and basically
[29:00] rich's point is that they are men
[29:02] they're a lot stronger they're a lot they heal a lot quicker but for the most
[29:06] part
[29:08] if when they're not werewolves they're just
[29:10] people so that's the time to get them
[29:12] that's time to get them yes and that's why they have to keep their condition a
[29:15] secret because they're just as vulnerable as us
[29:19] the vast majority of them. yeah you hit them with a car or something
[29:23] a silver car. so you're saying with a silver car that's not classy
[29:28] you want to get maybe just a champagne color that's as far as you're going to go
[29:33] by the way we do say in the book the whole silver bullets thing is a little bit of a hoax
[29:37] really
[29:38] yeah i mean we say
[29:40] if you're a werewolf you want to stay away from being shot with silver bullets
[29:45] not because they're silver but because they are bullets
[29:47] bullets in general are bad
[29:49] what about like a silver tomahawk
[29:53] i think a tomahawk of any kind regardless of what it's made of if it was silver
[29:57] that would certainly be a trick it would probably split us out of a
[30:00] In the wolfman like Larry Talbot dies because he's beaten to death with a silver headed with a silver cane
[30:05] I would also do the job because if you beat someone to death with a solid cane
[30:09] That would definitely kill someone. It was like a silver knife a silver knife
[30:12] I believe would also do the job you to stab them
[30:15] I mean werewolves are gonna heal quicker, but I mean if you stab someone with a knife, they're gonna die. Yes knives
[30:21] So you're suck. It's like the rock. You're saying it's like the rock that you know
[30:26] If you hit someone with a silver rock, yes
[30:29] Jesus you people what have you what have you choked him to death with a chain?
[30:37] Pure silver coated in wolf
[30:40] Or like what if they choked to death on like food that has some silver in it?
[30:44] There's just a big lump of silver in the mashed potatoes, but they don't see it gets caught in their throat
[30:49] Perhaps that's how that rumor started. I don't know. It's what if it was like they tried to eat
[30:56] Actually to be honest with you
[30:57] there may be one of the reasons that the silver bullet theory started is that
[31:01] Lycan thrives got sick of being shot werewolves got sick of being shot and so they
[31:05] Perpetuated this rumor that it would only take silver to kill them. I thought you and therefore people wouldn't try it
[31:10] You can try and kill us, but it'll be really expensive
[31:19] Not to be confused with regular JFK the president
[31:25] Silver magic bullet
[31:27] Through Connelly's leg and then where will we're all thermal Connelly's leg?
[31:31] Yeah, and then shot by werewolf Oswald. Yeah, it's it's really tragic as you can see werewolf
[31:36] Jackie trying to stuff the brains back
[31:50] So silver is nothing special
[31:54] Battles and a car tips over. I remember yeah truck tips over and
[32:00] Once you got like she drank a bunch of blood or something and turned into an evil way. Yeah, we talked about that
[32:05] I don't get is why do they tie up all the good werewolves first and then they're like, hey, let's tie her up last
[32:10] Oh, no, she's a monster. That's it's a bad movie
[32:14] The best part was that they had strapped them in
[32:18] Themselves in and they all had one arm free, but they could not get that other arm free
[32:25] Their guns were just that much far away
[32:27] they could they could have easily done the
[32:31] release the buckle that they had just
[32:34] Fastened but nothing
[32:42] Like when you're crucifying yourself, you know, how do you get the last nail and you can't
[32:48] You're right. Yes
[32:51] Lob house audience. Try it. You're not gonna be able to get that third nail in without help
[32:55] I actually don't know if there's a lot more in terms of plot to dissect here. There's very little
[33:01] So I want to ask this movie was pure adrenaline. Well, not a lot of crazy plotting. Sure
[33:08] There was one thing that just the fact that the little boy Tim who is 12 and
[33:13] 364 days old
[33:15] Women seem to find women seem to find him irresistible
[33:18] Yeah, something like there are many scenes where women seem to be flirting with him in a very weird. Well, it was yeah
[33:24] there was nothing in the text to suggest this but you seem like the director directed those actresses to flirt with the
[33:31] Yeah
[33:32] You know just shy of 13 year old boy including his mother, right? Yeah. Yeah at times even his mother
[33:38] It was weird and I thought maybe he was giving off some sort of werewolf pheromone that attracted women
[33:43] but I don't think that was it or maybe
[33:45] the director of the film had some sort of
[33:49] Underage incest fetish that he was on he was getting out through the making of the film Skinwalkers
[33:55] Yeah, when he took on the role when he took on the role as director of Skinwalkers, he knew just knew the title
[33:59] He didn't realize what the movie was about and so he assumed it was pornographic
[34:03] Can I ask you guys one other question about the movie in particular the title Skinwalkers? I can't tell are they
[34:11] Wolves walking in human skin. Are they like a wolf where that's yeah
[34:16] I can't tell like normally, you know, I mean obviously in the terms of the book
[34:20] We don't like to support any horror movies Hollywood horror movies, but still like this just seems to prove our point all the more
[34:27] I don't even know what a skinwalker is supposed to refer to. I mean skinwalkers it as a term
[34:31] I've heard before this movie. I think it might actually be it some sort of it's either a made-up in
[34:36] Masturbation
[34:38] Let your skin do the walking but it is I think it is that you're walking around in the skin of something else
[34:43] You know that you can change shape and I think it's generally not just werewolves
[34:48] But a shapeshifter of some kind or walk around in the hair and ridiculous chest piece of something else. Exactly. Yeah
[34:53] Well, it's just like Harper Lee. It says it to kill a mockingbird
[34:56] You got to walk around walk a mile another man's skin to really understand him. Exactly. So this
[35:02] A message of tolerance towards African Americans, I guess is what I'm saying. Okay, and also boo Radley
[35:10] Werewolf boo Radley
[35:15] I said, I don't think that there's a lot more in terms of plot that we need to talk about
[35:18] I wanted to ask our guests whether there was any
[35:23] Anything they wanted to specifically address before we moved on
[35:26] Well, we've been having a lot of fun, which is great if there is anyone out there who is actually concerned that they are
[35:31] A werewolf we recommend them going to werewolf guide to life.com. Is that correct?
[35:37] Or pick up the book on September 15th
[35:40] and you know as we said Hollywood horror movies not a good way to
[35:46] Gauge your own lycanthropy. We got the answers just to be clear. The book will be available
[35:50] Other day like after every day after September 15th, not just one day
[35:55] Theaters on this day and you're like wait, what the fuck? I can't go see Paul Blart
[36:00] It's not like it's not like we blend X common-sense tour, which only aired
[36:05] We expect it to sell out that day
[36:09] There are many more werewolves in this country than you know about every day after that it will be available remainder
[36:16] Come on, there are guests
[36:18] All eight copies that were printed of this book will be available
[36:22] No, this book will be available everywhere it is the thing it's funny is you know, they say tell everybody it's available September 15th
[36:29] I can't think of a real
[36:35] I've certainly ordered them so that they're delivered
[36:42] Although if you feel like you may have been bitten by a werewolf you would want this information, right?
[36:47] I'm betting everyone understood what you meant when they when you said go buy it on September 15
[36:51] I just want to make sure werewolves are very literal
[36:55] Wow now you're telling them Dan you should look you should put one of those links on where you get some pennies every time someone
[37:01] uses
[37:04] Get some cha-ching change, but also to link up so that people can they don't even need to wait if they hear this
[37:10] Before that date they can order. Mm-hmm right away. They can they can spend their money right away more important
[37:17] Wow, that's gonna vote with their dollars. Yeah, if they want to screw their waitress, right?
[37:21] Yeah, that's the tip. Fuck the service industry. Am I right guys?
[37:26] Apparently, I'm talking about screwing waitresses now. We say we're tying it all up, right? We started we started out
[37:34] Announcing. Okay, that's cool. That's what stand-up comedians used to say when they were done. They said they'd say you've been great audience
[37:39] Have sex with your waitstaff. Good night
[37:41] Don't forget to fuck your waitress
[37:44] Waitresses did not like that. No, they stopped doing that. What do a lot of presumptuousness?
[37:51] And ill manners. Hey, buddy. You're being pretty presumptuous get out of my establishment. Well
[37:58] Now is the point where we make our final judgments about the movie that we watched final judgments
[38:05] To reset this for our audience. We have three categories
[38:09] Although often we just forget them and make something up
[38:13] But the three official categories are is this a good bad movie?
[38:18] I a movie that is enjoyable in its badness a bad bad movie a movie that
[38:26] We found no enjoyment in or a movie that we actually kind of liked a movie that maybe didn't deserve
[38:33] This treatment we give our individual opinions
[38:37] I'm gonna start with Elliot because he looks like he's raring to go. Oh, I'm always raring to go
[38:41] You know me when it comes to talking. I actually am might surprise everybody by saying I thought this was a good bad movie
[38:46] I really enjoyed watching it and making fun of it. It was very fast and stupid and
[38:52] It is by no means a good movie, but it's we've seen so many lately that were painful to watch
[38:57] You know, everything was dumb in a very silly and stupid way. So it was fun. I
[39:01] Say it's a good bad movie
[39:03] Catch it today, but don't I mean like take your time Stewart. I know you only saw the second half of it
[39:09] But what do you wait? That was the whole half?
[39:12] The last worth of the film, okay
[39:15] Um, yeah what I saw wasn't too hot. I would give it a c-plus
[39:22] following your standards
[39:27] So c-plus
[39:29] It was fast. It reminded me of the matrix and that reminded me of when I was in college
[39:36] And
[39:41] Elias Kodias was pretty good. Not as good as Ninja Turtles, of course, of course is well Casey Jones's defining role. Yeah
[39:52] System we're using a graded I give it a thumb up to the side now again, but I
[39:58] Agree with
[40:00] Elliot, I actually I think it's a good bad movie because it was 90 minutes it's
[40:05] actually less than 90 minutes I think once you subtract the credits I thought
[40:09] that there were a lot of hilarious scenes of people cocking their guns over
[40:13] and over again like they cocked their guns in the woods then they came into
[40:16] town and they re-cocked their guns before they did anything before they
[40:20] shot them and there's a lot of slow motion of people driving around on
[40:24] motorcycles about to cock guns yeah I enjoyed it on that level which what do
[40:30] you have to say I honestly was gonna say I didn't enjoy it at all until you
[40:34] reminded me of all the gun cocking the gun cocking I kind of got a kick out of
[40:39] you can go your own way I enjoyed watching the movie with you guys I
[40:44] thought it was fun in terms of real werewolf stuff it's obviously ridiculous
[40:49] but it's ridiculous whether you believe in werewolves you don't believe in
[40:52] werewolf but I had a good time watching with you guys I would say it's a good
[40:54] bad movie I'll go with two out of five bow ties I'm Tuxedo Jack and this has
[41:03] been Tuxedo Jack's film review I have trouble saying it's a good bad movie
[41:09] because I fear that recommends it too much but if you if I were to stumble on
[41:15] for the shootout in the town scene alone it's an enjoy it was an enjoyable bad
[41:20] movie yeah I think I was laughing my ass off during that so uh if I were if
[41:25] it was late at night I would I would definitely keep watching this sure I
[41:30] think I think we forgot to mention that during the shoot the shootout is between
[41:33] an old lady and these bad werewolves yes yeah that might be the one genuinely
[41:41] witty scene in the movie yeah the witty sequence in the movie after that it kind
[41:47] of yeah before and after that it's pretty bad yeah so now's the part where
[41:53] we give our recommendations for movies that we actually enjoy and I think we're
[42:01] gonna have to tear through these since there's five of us and we're us running
[42:05] exponentially I can't give my regular 20-minute recommendations no you can't
[42:09] all right what have we seen lately or not so lately that we enjoyed that we
[42:15] want to recommend well I was telling Elliot before the recording of the movie
[42:19] that I saw recently that I enjoyed the most was Adventureland but the movie I'm
[42:26] going to recommend because it's a horror movie and we watched a werewolf movie
[42:31] tonight is a wreck bracket REC closed bracket the Spanish horror movie that
[42:40] was remade as quarantine in the States and it's one of a growing number of
[42:46] verite horror movies where it's supposedly shot by someone in the movie
[42:53] in this case a local news cameraman is shooting this woman as she goes on a
[43:00] night out with the fire department in the town and she gets quarantined inside
[43:05] a building where there's a zombie outbreak and the problem with a lot of
[43:09] these verite horror movies is like why do they keep shooting after a certain
[43:13] point but here it kind of makes sense and that they're news people and they
[43:17] want to show what's going on and they want to document how shabbily they're
[43:21] being treated and I it's very good at the beginning of the movie it moves a
[43:27] little slow in the middle but then it has a genuinely creepy ending so I
[43:30] recommend that that sounds awesome Dan you know it's not often that you hear a
[43:35] horror movie where the characters are treated shabbily yeah okay the movie I'm
[44:00] gonna watch the movie I'm gonna recommend is a movie I saw quite a while
[44:03] ago guys I'm talking okay okay the movie I'm gonna recommend is a Japanese
[44:17] movie that I probably already recommended but I don't really care it's
[44:20] a movie called fireworks it's starring and directed by Takeshi
[44:25] Kitano it's really cool and you should watch it and it's sad and Takeshi
[44:31] Kitano is awesome in it I like that I mean Takeshi Kitano the star of Johnny
[44:35] Mnemonic and Takeshi's Castle the Japanese game show yes he is he has the
[44:41] best career of anyone in the world a stand-up comedian who became a novelist
[44:45] and film director who stars in violent gangster and police dramas and character
[44:53] dramas yeah I'll beat Takeshi so fireworks watch that piece I'm gonna
[44:57] recommend a movie still in the theaters maybe by the time my podcast airs what's
[45:02] that all about Elliot you saw a movie made in the last ten years I did this is
[45:05] Quentin Tarantino's big hit inglorious bastards just saw last week and which I
[45:10] thought was fantastic do not be swayed by the commercials which are not very
[45:15] good it is a at times brilliant and always tense movie and he does it he
[45:22] accomplishes what he sets out to do very exactly and also extremely goofy
[45:26] well it veers wildly between genuinely tense and extremely silly and
[45:33] off-the-wall in but he does it just right it's the gremlins 2 of world war
[45:37] 2 movies is what I'm saying guys do you have a recommendation either
[45:44] individually or as a unit you didn't recommend Adventureland because it's not
[45:50] a horror movie but I just saw it over the weekend I loved it it has Kristen
[45:54] Stewart in it who is in the upcoming new moon so that's a connection and she's
[46:00] kind of adorable and she's getting married in on according to people
[46:04] magazine what it's not like my heart is higher yeah the vampire podcast gonna
[46:11] marry I don't know that's what people magazine told me Bob and I need to find
[46:17] seriously Gugino is taken okay do not get muscle in my territory
[46:23] let's all stake out who we're gonna stalk after the podcast guys that's a
[46:26] good movie minute let's go one one question though and I'm not gonna take
[46:31] too long did you find that they these college kids these post college kids
[46:37] seemed far younger than most high school kids are portrayed in movies that was
[46:42] the one thing I kept thinking wait oh yeah they did seem to way younger than
[46:48] I mean that's because I'm growing older it's not I don't know about that I think
[46:53] it's more of a it's more it more recommends the movie yeah yeah it's
[46:57] because I'm more realistic people are usually college kids usually played by
[47:00] 30 year olds exactly in high school as our high school kids yeah and they're
[47:04] also way more witty and self-assured in these movies that was because you spent
[47:11] a lot of time in juvenile detention that's true I went undercover as a high
[47:18] schooler so just a high school girl just just to make sure she wasn't screwing
[47:22] around on me I wore a mustache so she wouldn't know it was me all right rich
[47:27] do you want to ask I have a three-month-old daughter at home so I
[47:31] was very excited I recommend well you know some movies okay I'm just saying I
[47:39] would have gone to see Halloween 2 in the theater guaranteed had I not had a
[47:44] child and I would very much recommend from what I've seen and read about how
[47:49] horrible Halloween to the Rob Zombie version is apparently I saved an hour
[47:54] and a half of my life by not going to that so can I recommend not going to see
[47:59] a movie sure I hope because you have a child I can guarantee you there are no
[48:04] farting robots in it you want to see Transformers I would see how it was our
[48:08] farting robots in it rich even if I had a child I would definitely watch
[48:12] Halloween 2 on the flophouse all right I would take my child to see the farting
[48:17] robots in Halloween and I would say never forget that I did this for you
[48:21] hmm so guys had a good time tonight cue the Saturday Night Live music so we can
[48:26] all hug each other well we're fucking done yeah time just flew by right yeah I
[48:31] know I thought we were gonna read the whole book out loud what the only book
[48:37] the Bible yeah we're gonna do that no I'm gonna ask him I have it memorized so
[48:44] reading it is sort of silly we'll read it to each other after talking about who
[48:48] we're gonna stock but you can purchase the werewolf book and I'll put a link up
[48:54] again the title of which is let me look at the book that's in front of me the
[48:59] werewolves guide to life by Rich Duncan and Bob Powers and it has a subtitle a
[49:04] manual for the newly bitten and would this be a good gift yeah perhaps a
[49:08] Halloween gift I think so yes how old we Stewart Wellington you've done it again
[49:15] you're like the Don Draper of this show on that punning plug we'll sign off I've
[49:23] been Dan McCoy I'm Stewart Wellington I continue to be
[49:27] I'm Rich Duncan and I'm Bob Powers good night everyone
[50:00] That was terrifying.
[50:01] As if it was on fire?
[50:02] Yeah.
[50:03] Set him on fire.
[50:04] Anger.
[50:05] There was a legend of a fire bear.

Description

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme0:32 - 3:58- We introduce our guests, lycanthropy activists Ritch Duncan and Bob Powers.3:59 - 35:58 - What are "Skinwalkers?" Are they ancient legendary beasts?  Are they sufferers of a terrible curse? Are they nudists?  Or, perhaps they're just a way to tart up a lousy werewolf movie in Native American garb.35:59 - 41:51- Final judgments 41:52 - 48:21 - The sad bastards recommend.48:22 - 50:09 - Goodbyes, theme and outtakes.

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