The Flop House: Episode #48 - The Chaos Experiment

[0:00] Kilmer. Asante. Roberts. We discuss a film called The Chaos Experiment.

[0:07] Also, before we get started, I'd like to apologize for the subpar audio quality in this episode.

[0:13] We discovered only too late that there was a problem with Stuart's microphone.

[0:17] I tried to fix it in post, but it's noticeable.

[0:22] Anyway, we decided to release it, and you can enjoy it, or you can ignore it.

[0:27] But we hope it isn't too bad.

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:58] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:59] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[1:00] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:01] So, guys, I've got something to talk about.

[1:05] Okay.

[1:05] Lay it on us.

[1:06] Elliot.

[1:07] Let's rap.

[1:07] You know, a while back, I feel like you one-upped me a little bit on your great weekend where I had gotten some shoes.

[1:15] No, those sounded like great shoes.

[1:17] And you won an Emmy.

[1:18] But this last weekend.

[1:20] Are those the shoes you're wearing right now?

[1:22] Yes.

[1:22] Those are nice shoes.

[1:23] They're shit.

[1:24] That's a weekend well spent.

[1:27] The one thing that I wanted to say was...

[1:29] Did you get those at Marshall's?

[1:30] Guys, last weekend...

[1:32] DSW, probably.

[1:33] Last weekend, I had a weekend that...

[1:36] I just can't imagine, Elliot, you could compare to it at all.

[1:39] I can't even imagine.

[1:41] I saw one of my comedy idols from the troupe,

[1:46] the Monty Python's Flying Surface.

[1:48] Oh, wow.

[1:49] Terry Jones, I saw him.

[1:51] Monty Python's Flying Surface.

[1:52] Well, you saw him on an episode of Monty Python.

[1:56] I've had some Novocaine, Elliot.

[1:58] Monty Python's Flying Circus.

[2:00] No, I saw him in person.

[2:01] That's really cool.

[2:02] At a Q&A slash writing seminar.

[2:05] And so, finally, Elliot.

[2:08] Wait, was that like a seminar where they teach you how to write slash fiction?

[2:11] Slash fiction.

[2:13] Monty Python slash fiction, yeah.

[2:14] Well, it would be about the characters, I guess.

[2:16] Yeah, they usually pair them up according to who wrote with each other.

[2:20] So it's Graham Chapman, John Cleese, slash fiction.

[2:23] And then Terry Jones and Michael Palin, slash fiction.

[2:25] and then it's Eric Idle just masturbating.

[2:27] Yeah, wait.

[2:28] And Terry Gilliam masturbating, too.

[2:30] Yeah.

[2:30] Wait, is there a...

[2:32] So, like, the Silly Walks guy, right?

[2:34] The guy who does the Silly Walks?

[2:35] All right, but the point is, Elliot...

[2:36] That does sound pretty cool.

[2:38] Elliot, there's no way that you could possibly...

[2:39] I finally have prevented you from one-upping me.

[2:42] You're right.

[2:42] I mean, seeing a member of Monty Python in person,

[2:45] my weekend was nowhere near that exciting.

[2:47] Well, my Thursday, I did go to the New York premiere

[2:53] of the Monty Python documentary.

[2:55] Wow, well, you saw it on screen.

[2:56] Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[2:57] And then every living member of Monty Python did like a 45-minute, 40-minute Q&A afterwards.

[3:01] It was pretty cool.

[3:03] We were sitting in front.

[3:04] We were in the row ahead of Carol Cleveland, kind of the female Python, you could say.

[3:08] It was very exciting.

[3:09] It was awesome.

[3:10] But Terry Jones, wow.

[3:12] I mean, he was there when I saw it.

[3:14] All the living Pythons.

[3:16] And there was a cardboard stand-up to take the place of Graham Chapman, who passed away in the 80s.

[3:24] So I'm just going to shoot myself, guys.

[3:27] I don't think I'll just, not even after the podcast.

[3:29] No, no, we'll talk about the movie first.

[3:32] I like this new recurring segment, Elliot tops Dan.

[3:35] I didn't even talk about how we got literally celebrity tickets to the show, to the movie.

[3:42] That was the second screening I've shared with Whoopi Goldberg after Watchmen.

[3:48] Wow, and this is, yeah, so this is like a mixture of Elliot.

[3:54] Elliot, Tops, Dan, and Name Droppers.

[3:56] Yeah, Name Droppers, The Suite Life of Elliot and Cody, all the best shows.

[4:00] And Dan in real life.

[4:03] Monty Python regardless.

[4:04] I mean, this may be Monty Python month on IFC, but in the Flophouse, it's Shocktober.

[4:10] Yeah, it's Sha-loween.

[4:12] It's Flop-zeve.

[4:16] Yeah, Flop-zeve.

[4:19] Stuart, put down your phone.

[4:22] Stop texting.

[4:24] put down your phone and pick up your microphone waxing your mustache uh are you guys done talking

[4:29] about fucking monty python yeah we are the nerd talk is done um it went to just to button it up

[4:35] it was an amazing experience so let's just say that that i will never forget anyway we're done

[4:41] with monty python now cool um yeah we watched the chaos experiment which was originally released

[4:47] under a different title wait what the steam experiment i wonder why they would call it that

[4:52] Oh, wait, maybe because they talk about steam every single second.

[4:55] Yeah, okay.

[4:56] And they're in a steam room.

[4:57] We need to set this up a little bit because this is a much smaller film than we usually talk about on the podcast.

[5:03] That's true.

[5:04] I looked it up on Wikipedia.

[5:05] It played two theaters in, like, Lansing, Michigan, I believe.

[5:11] Well, it makes sense because it takes place entirely in Grand Rapids.

[5:13] Yeah.

[5:13] And it really needs to be knocked down a few pegs.

[5:15] Yeah, exactly.

[5:16] Well, this is—

[5:17] Right, and all that critical buzz.

[5:19] I feel like—

[5:20] The elites in Lansing need to be taught a lesson.

[5:22] I feel like this is not, you know, the normal target for our ire.

[5:26] Usually it's something that should have known better or is big enough to absorb it.

[5:30] But here it's more like maybe we're helping the audience dig up an undiscovered gem.

[5:34] Yeah, there you go.

[5:35] Because this is one I have not heard about until you told me about it.

[5:37] This can only help the chaos experiment.

[5:38] Yeah, this is more publicity than I think it ever received.

[5:41] Yeah, it got dumped into theaters.

[5:45] Literally.

[5:47] shat out of a butt into theaters.

[5:50] Like a human butt?

[5:52] Yeah.

[5:52] Well, like a giant papier-mâché one.

[5:55] Okay.

[5:55] Yeah.

[5:56] That's how they delivered it to the theater, the film.

[5:58] The papier-mâché is like slowly dilated.

[6:01] That's probably why no one wants to see it.

[6:05] It doesn't encourage audience members to go see that movie

[6:09] when it comes to town in that method.

[6:11] What a horrible...

[6:12] I apologize to that guy who likes to listen to this

[6:15] while he's cooking dinner with his wife.

[6:17] Yeah, but I came across the description of this on Wikipedia.

[6:22] I saw the description of this movie, the plot synopsis, and I emailed it to you guys.

[6:29] Plenopsis.

[6:30] And you guys immediately said we have to watch this movie.

[6:33] Everything about it said we had to see it, and I'm glad we did, even though I wanted to tear my eyes out after a while.

[6:39] You know, if I had actually checked my email, I think I probably would have said exactly what I wanted to say.

[6:44] I usually just auto-delete anything you guys send me.

[6:47] Sure.

[6:48] We've got a spam filter for us.

[6:50] It's amazing that you show up for the Flophouse recording sessions.

[6:56] Stuart did text me earlier today.

[6:58] We're doing Flophouse tonight, right?

[7:00] Yeah.

[7:02] And then Dan sent me a text.

[7:03] So I thought you told on me or something.

[7:06] No.

[7:06] I'm like, Elliot.

[7:07] No, it was basically me thinking that I'm pretty sure Elliot remembers that we're doing it,

[7:12] but I'm not sure that Stuart does.

[7:14] And I was right.

[7:15] Anyway, the point is, this movie has a triumvirate of middle-aged male...

[7:22] Leads.

[7:23] Stars.

[7:23] Let's call them...

[7:24] Former stars.

[7:25] Let's call them has-beens.

[7:26] Let's be polite and call them by the term.

[7:30] Yeah, you got your Val Kilmer.

[7:32] Faded glory.

[7:33] Once Batman.

[7:34] You got your Armand Asante.

[7:36] TV's Odysseus.

[7:37] Star of Fatal Instinct.

[7:39] One of the Mambo Kings.

[7:40] Don't forget that he is a king.

[7:43] Yeah, of Mambo.

[7:44] Him and Banderas.

[7:45] And Eric Roberts.

[7:48] Brother of...

[7:51] Julia Roberts.

[7:52] No, what's...

[7:53] No, brother of Julia Roberts.

[7:54] Bob Roberts.

[7:54] Brother of Bob Roberts.

[7:56] The Tim Robbins character.

[7:57] Oscar-nominated Eric Roberts.

[8:00] What was he nominated for?

[8:01] I think Star 80?

[8:02] Well, that was 20-some-odd years ago.

[8:05] But he's best remembered now as the mobster from Dark Knight.

[8:09] Yeah.

[8:09] So he's actually, his career's on an upswing a bit.

[8:13] He's, I mean, he's one of those guys that you can get, and he's in Crash, the new series, too, right?

[8:19] He's, I think, yeah, his career is doing a little better now.

[8:22] He was on Heroes back when people still cared about that show.

[8:23] Yeah.

[8:23] Of the three of them, yeah, of the three of those guys, Eric Roberts is doing the best right now.

[8:28] Yeah.

[8:28] But Val Kilmer still owns fucking, like, 30,000 acre ranch, so, you know, he's doing okay, too.

[8:34] And Armand DeSante probably owns a diner somewhere.

[8:36] Yeah.

[8:37] Val Kilmer clearly can afford to eat well.

[8:40] Yeah.

[8:41] Because he has packed it on.

[8:43] He does not look good.

[8:46] Yeah, I said that he looked like...

[8:48] He looks like a Bowflex.

[8:49] That's too expensive.

[8:51] Oh, not even a Nordic track.

[8:53] Yeah, he didn't afford the payment points.

[8:54] He looks like a Jeff Bridges character when Jeff Bridges is playing,

[8:58] like a downtrodden character, like the dude in The Fisher King

[9:01] when he goes crazy for a while.

[9:03] Yeah, but why was this called the Steam Experiment originally

[9:08] before it was changed?

[9:10] Why don't you explain this movie?

[9:13] Why don't I spin a tale for our listeners about a man walks into the Grand Rapids newspaper office.

[9:20] It's Val Kilmer with about four days' worth of beard on him, and he says—

[9:25] About, what, 30 years' worth of overweight?

[9:28] Yeah, something like that, yeah.

[9:30] And it opens with this bizarre selection of images of Val Kilmer lying, looking soiled and disgusting on a hospital bed,

[9:40] standing on a merry-go-round and just kind of generally looking at things generally looking

[9:45] at things but uh he goes into a newspaper and says to the editor if you don't you i need you

[9:50] to print my story about how global warming is going to destroy the earth i've got six people

[9:54] trapped in a sauna and the temperature is going up and they're going to die unless you print my

[10:00] story now i'd like to point out though that um the movie literally starts with this scene however it

[10:04] takes us 15 minutes for all that information to come out there's a lot of the editor going wait

[10:09] back up you've got people trapped in a sauna and the audience is like no don't back up don't back

[10:15] up we've been there going uh the editor calls the police chief uh or policeman armand asante who

[10:20] i feel really i feel bad we're gonna make fun of the way armand asante talks in this because he

[10:25] oh are we because you can't understand him and i feel really bad if anyone knows if armand asante

[10:29] has suffered a stroke we apologize uh it's a theory but mrs asante it's it really will be uh

[10:37] insensitive of us when we make fun of it later but if there's a real reason for it if not just

[10:42] him acting terribly email us and make us feel bad if you know a reason why armanda sante

[10:47] is talking like uh like finster and the usual suspect yeah uh just swollen tongued and you know

[10:54] but we'll talk more about that later but uh meanwhile we're cutting to the steam room where

[10:58] six people who thought they were going to a dating service that gives away five thousand dollars

[11:02] As they do

[11:04] Do they hear about that on the internet?

[11:06] On the interwebs

[11:07] That's usually where people

[11:09] On the webernets

[11:09] Yeah, and they each have met with Val Kilmer personally ahead of time

[11:13] Okay

[11:13] And they

[11:15] Wow

[11:15] They are in this steam room

[11:17] Three guys and three girls

[11:19] Have they all met with him beforehand?

[11:21] Yeah, it kind of implies that they all

[11:23] Is he the CEO of the company?

[11:24] He is the CEO and only employee of the company

[11:27] It seems strange that he would meet personally

[11:28] With the people who use his product

[11:31] Yeah, I mean like – I mean we see Val Kilmer in this movie a lot.

[11:35] Like I would imagine there would have been some warning signs for these people.

[11:38] Well, since he looks – since he gets crazier and crazier as the movie goes on.

[11:41] Okay, yeah. Just keep going.

[11:43] Well, he – Val Kilmer – we'll talk about it.

[11:45] He shows a lot of made-up physical tics that crazy people in movies have.

[11:50] Face scratching.

[11:51] Yeah, the movie should have been called Face Scratchers as I was saying earlier.

[11:56] But okay, so there are these three guys and three girls in a sauna.

[11:59] the girl takes off her top for no reason everyone that's a good reason they all hate each other

[12:05] almost instantly one of the guys is like a big hey i'm from brooklyn hey i love a little girls

[12:11] oh yeah forget about it he actually says forget about it at one point yeah uh and then there's

[12:16] eric roberts who is a from dallas dallas although he forgets that he's from dallas most of the movie

[12:21] and then he'll suddenly turn on his accent and it'll be and you'll realize you'll remember you'll

[12:25] You're like, oh, yeah, that character was introduced as being from Dallas.

[12:28] And then he transports you to the dusty plains of Texas.

[12:31] A tumbleweed drifts by in the steam room.

[12:34] Oh, yeah, it's like the last picture show all of a sudden.

[12:36] Slap leather.

[12:38] Hell's Half Acre and all that.

[12:42] Slap leather.

[12:45] And there's some other characters in there, too.

[12:47] One of this girl who's neurotic to the point of comatose and so forth.

[12:51] She's a poet.

[12:52] But anyway, while they're trapped in this sauna, they realize they're trapped.

[12:55] And they go crazy and, you know, try to kill each other and stuff.

[13:00] Meanwhile, a game of cat and mouse is being played between Val Kilmer and Armando Sante.

[13:04] Well, let's back up and clarify for a moment that the reason they're trapped in this steam room is that Val Kilmer's big global warming theory is that as the earth gets warmer, people will get more irritable and start attacking each other.

[13:20] Which is, you know, I don't know if that's a theory that needed to be tested by an actual experiment.

[13:26] No, I think it's tested every August in New York City.

[13:29] Yeah.

[13:30] You know, I think he keeps talking about if you're stuck in a steam room for long enough, your lungs will melt.

[13:37] Yeah, which that doesn't happen.

[13:39] It doesn't happen.

[13:40] To the people in there.

[13:41] I don't think it does.

[13:41] It doesn't happen in the movie.

[13:42] I mean, they didn't show the inside of somebody's lungs.

[13:46] No, which would have been cool.

[13:47] They didn't go inside the body.

[13:49] Yeah.

[13:50] Or Save the Green Planet in the part where he's killed the other guy

[13:53] and then he's so mad he's kicking him in the chest

[13:55] and it turns into an x-ray at the instant he kicks him in the chest

[13:58] and it restarts his heart.

[14:00] That's such a good movie.

[14:02] Or like in Street Fighter where Sonny Chiba punches a guy

[14:04] and you see the guy's head crack.

[14:05] Yeah, that's a good scene too.

[14:07] Or that one Jet Li movie.

[14:11] So many movies, I would rather watch this.

[14:14] Audience, do yourself a favor.

[14:17] Get together with some friends and list movies in which you go inside someone's body.

[14:22] And you'll enjoy it more than watching a cash experiment.

[14:23] When you said Jet Li, the title that came to mind was Romeo is Burning, which is not a movie.

[14:28] The only Romeo is Bleeding is the movie.

[14:31] No, Romeo Must Die is the Jet Li movie.

[14:34] I got that.

[14:34] Romeo is Bleeding.

[14:37] And Romeo and Michelle's High School Reunion.

[14:38] I guess something.

[14:39] Romeo is Burning is a good title, though.

[14:41] Romeo Must Die was the one where he jump kicks a dude in the head.

[14:46] but anyway there's a game of cat and mouse armando sante isn't sure if val kilmer is making this all

[14:57] up or if it actually happened the audience doesn't know that either because the movie doesn't make

[15:01] any sense it doesn't know what the time frame is is this actually happening now does he have to

[15:05] free these hostages before they die or has this already happened long ago yeah or did it all

[15:09] happen in val kilmer's head yeah uh eventually i'm just gonna skip to the end everybody but two of

[15:14] the people in the sauna die the two most non-descript characters live yeah uh the people

[15:20] from the mental hospital come to pick up val kilmer turns out he's crazy uh and armando sante

[15:25] after spending like an hour and a half dealing with him is like well took care of that one take

[15:30] him away my curiosity is sated meanwhile his his boss keeps getting on his case goes there's a

[15:36] robbery down at fletcher street you need to look into and this fletcher street robbery seems so

[15:41] much more interesting i tend to agree with his boss that you know given just talking to a crazy

[15:46] person in a room for several hours or foiling a robbery down at fletcher street you know go down

[15:52] to fletcher street yeah this can keep the crazy guy he'll probably hold he'll he'll keep for a

[15:58] little bit and did i so should i mention the twist ending or please do uh maybe you can make sense of

[16:03] it val kilmer is taken back to the mental hospital suddenly his doctor arrives it's the guy who

[16:09] survived the steam experiment all of a sudden he looks like jeffrey combs and reanimated he does

[16:14] it's true and he says to val kilmer uh you're a genius touching human chaos was the greatest

[16:20] experience of my life uh and then walks away and val kilmer stares into space like a weird you know

[16:27] like a crazy person and then we see the doctor in his office and the only woman who just who

[16:32] survived the sauna experiment is look is lover or wife i guess yeah and says like

[16:40] he uh you know something about like you no longer control him he controls you kill him then come

[16:48] home i love you and then the doctor turns the light off and that's the end of the movie yeah

[16:53] and the end comes up on the screen but it's really you're confused and you would be gobsmacked by

[16:59] that ending i think that it does help you out to have the end there is the part eric roberts in

[17:03] his crazy death throes does say like you two are working together you're in in on this what and

[17:09] it's supposed to be the ravings of a lunatic and it turns out he was right but it's still stupid

[17:13] yeah but here's what also this is an intricate theory that if people get locked into a sauna

[17:19] they'll kill each other but it's also where as soon as they're about to break out of the sauna

[17:23] uh someone comes by and shoots a nail gun into one of the characters heads yeah and it is uh

[17:28] it's sort of guess what i'm saying is the movie lacks internal consistency yeah that's i think

[17:34] that at that point you compromised your experiment yes certainly outside force starts shooting people

[17:39] in the face with nail guns um but what were you gonna say dan well i was gonna say that i have

[17:44] several problems with this twist ending but i feel like we should what oh we should we should

[17:50] we should mention before we get to that is that this is an incredibly incompetently made film

[17:55] Yeah. No, I feel like we should take this roughly chronologically, and we should get back to the twist ending at the end, because there's going to be a lot to say about it, but I just want to register.

[18:05] I don't want the audience of this podcast to think that the only problem with the movie was a far-fetched plot. There was much more wrong with this.

[18:17] This is a 90-minute film.

[18:19] I think it's like an 88-minute film

[18:20] that feels like it's roughly 17 weeks of watching.

[18:24] And there were, I know...

[18:27] There were a lot of conversations.

[18:28] Conversations where people repeat the same lines

[18:31] literally over three times.

[18:32] Yeah, I don't know if you guys had the same experience I did,

[18:34] but there was a point about 60 minutes in

[18:36] where I suddenly, like, woke up and was like,

[18:38] what? We're still watching this movie.

[18:40] I mean, come on, guys.

[18:42] I mean, this is just, you know, it's a good thriller.

[18:43] So, like, you know, check your brain at the door.

[18:46] Lay back and relax

[18:48] Just let it happen

[18:51] Just let it happen

[18:53] Just let it wash over you

[18:54] Like a soothing white noise machine

[18:57] Relax

[18:58] Like Val Kilmer looks relaxed

[19:00] When he's lying on that hospital bed

[19:02] Face all stretched out

[19:03] I think he looks relaxed so much as he looks like

[19:05] Someone has performed lobotomy on him

[19:07] There are all those scenes of him

[19:10] On the merry-go-round

[19:12] Where he's just staring straight out

[19:15] this is a recurring motif this is an image that you're expecting them to explain at some point

[19:19] no they don't him just kind of standing vacantly on this merry-go-round and they do not uh he

[19:25] well life's a merry-go-round elliot he's trapped i guess it was a highway in his own mental prison

[19:31] yeah and you want to ride it all night long yeah yeah gibbity gibbity something this is a movie

[19:37] where uh val kilmer he's he's his acting can be best described i think as sleepy well when it's

[19:43] not extravagant it's either sleepy or nail-bitingly over the top and uh also and he's got like this

[19:50] growth of beard and it just looks like i was saying to these guys during the movie it looks

[19:54] like he's slow like the slowest wolfman transformation you can imagine just like

[19:59] you know over the course of days noticeably crazier by the end of the movie he's twitching

[20:05] and his eyes are rolling into the back of his head and he's like you know sniffing at things

[20:09] Yeah, you have to wonder whether, like, what's the twist that comes out at the end.

[20:13] You have to wonder whether his time frame was actually until his meds wore off.

[20:17] And that's why he got crazier.

[20:18] That's a pretty good explanation, actually.

[20:20] Yeah.

[20:20] But, Jesus, yeah, he is just a master of the craft, you know?

[20:27] Oh, well, this movie, it was three masters at the top of their game, yeah.

[20:31] Kilmer, Asante, and Roberts.

[20:34] Wait, that thing you said earlier about them being washed up has-beens?

[20:39] I was being sarcastic.

[20:42] They are still husbands.

[20:43] Asante,

[20:45] I guess he's Cuban.

[20:48] I don't know. I don't know his background.

[20:50] I said that during the movie that it's like

[20:52] he had his regular

[20:54] Cuban accent, but then the

[20:56] director's like, also play it as

[20:58] a New York Italian police

[21:00] officer. So he's layering

[21:02] this other accent on top.

[21:03] Put on a Grand Rapids accent on top of that one.

[21:06] And then put this sock in your mouth.

[21:09] Don't move your lips very much.

[21:10] There are many lines where you literally cannot understand what he's saying.

[21:14] And again, if this is because of a physical impairment, I apologize for poking fun at it.

[21:19] I think maybe he's just used to really good ADR work.

[21:22] Maybe.

[21:23] And they just couldn't afford it for this film.

[21:25] He crafts his performances in the looping room afterwards.

[21:28] There are many scenes where he and Val Kilmer stare at each other and talk and seem to go in circles.

[21:35] Well, they're in the many scenes where he's driving with Val Kilmer in the backseat, and then Val Kilmer's face will be also superimposed on the screen in the front seat.

[21:47] So there are two Val Kilmers on screen at once.

[21:49] Yeah.

[21:49] There's constant superimpositions for no reason.

[21:52] And what was the two double screens?

[21:57] Oh, yeah, split screens for no reason.

[22:00] The best superimposition is when the sexiest of the women is reclining.

[22:05] She's the one who's taking her top off

[22:06] I don't remember if she had her top on at the time or not

[22:08] This is the one with the nails in her head

[22:11] Eventually, yes

[22:12] She doesn't have the nails yet

[22:14] She's reclining and Val Kilmer's head is superimposed

[22:17] Over her crotch

[22:18] So it looks like

[22:19] It's just emerging from her

[22:21] But it's really like

[22:26] Salvador Dali was on set that day

[22:28] And they decided to let him direct this shot

[22:30] Well, there's a scene early on where the

[22:32] three men and three women

[22:35] are getting to know each other

[22:36] in this spa dating,

[22:38] this sauna dating

[22:39] that has been sweeping the nation, guys.

[22:41] When you're doing speed dating these days,

[22:43] half the time it's in a steam room.

[22:45] Because when you're going on

[22:47] not just a blind date

[22:48] but a blind group date

[22:49] and these are all people

[22:51] with psychological trauma

[22:52] who are worried or anxious in some way,

[22:55] it's best to do it in a place

[22:56] where you wear not very many clothes

[22:58] and it's really hot.

[22:59] Yeah, you want to sweat it out.

[23:00] You want to be as uncomfortable as possible.

[23:02] I'm going to get it all out.

[23:02] I mean, that's the best way to meet somebody, right?

[23:05] Is to be really hot and wearing very little clothes.

[23:07] Yeah, exactly.

[23:07] But they're talking about their lives.

[23:09] They're explaining who they are.

[23:11] And they'll have one person in a big close-up head shot on one side of the screen.

[23:17] And then they'll have another person on the other side of the screen reacting as if they're listening.

[23:21] But it's clear that all of the reaction shots were just the director being like,

[23:26] all right, we're going to shoot a bunch of reaction shots now.

[23:28] And the actors had no idea what they were reacting to.

[23:30] There's no connection in the reactions to what the people are saying,

[23:34] and they're just imposed on the sides of the screen.

[23:37] It's, you know, it's De Palma without any sense of, you know...

[23:44] And some of the times, instead of, like, if I wasn't paying attention,

[23:48] I would think that one of the characters was just really small

[23:50] and the other person was really big sitting next to them.

[23:53] Yeah, it's forced perspective.

[23:54] It's like in Fellowship of the Ring or something.

[23:56] During those scenes, there's also a lot of editing

[23:58] where someone will be talking

[23:59] and then it will cut to a shot of them not talking

[24:02] but the audio will continue

[24:03] and then it will cut back

[24:04] I guess they're trying to disorient you

[24:07] but they do it in just a way that makes you

[24:09] angry as opposed to confused

[24:12] someone will be talking

[24:13] and then they'll cut to a shot of the same person

[24:16] talking but their lips

[24:18] no longer match what they're saying

[24:19] or it's like that weird

[24:21] monologue that Eric Roberts does

[24:24] near the end of the movie where

[24:25] he'll be talking while sitting in the

[24:27] in this like in the pool of water and then he'll be talking about the same shit pacing around yeah

[24:34] and i'll talk again and i'll be back in the water and like wait are these do these things happen at

[24:39] the same time did like did he just happen like did they like cut it all together weird yeah

[24:45] what are we supposed to believe is happening right then are we cut did he give the speech

[24:49] a couple times or is it he's getting up and getting back in again it does yeah is he super

[24:54] fast or maybe are there multiples of them like jb madrox yeah maybe jb madrox i've never heard

[25:00] pronounced madrox but i've never heard it pronounced ever so okay so guys i bet i was

[25:05] assumed it was madrox well that'd be weird i bet that these people you know i bet that they

[25:11] prove val kilmer wrong i bet they get along pretty well in that steam room together i bet that you

[25:15] know incorrect oh really wow they crack within minutes yeah like five minutes and as soon as

[25:21] Even before somebody tries to leave and finds out they're locked in.

[25:25] No, this is after they find out they're locked in.

[25:27] Okay, I thought they weren't getting along.

[25:28] Well, no, they're already angry and yelling at each other.

[25:31] Then when they find out they're...

[25:32] They take an intense, immediate dislike to each other.

[25:34] It is a very unsuccessful date.

[25:36] Particularly the sexy girl and the Brooklynite.

[25:40] Yeah.

[25:40] Just, you know, oil and water guys.

[25:42] Mm-hmm.

[25:43] And they're both liquids.

[25:46] Yeah, and he realizes that...

[25:49] It would be oil, the Brooklyn guy.

[25:51] Is that what you're trying to say?

[25:52] Because he owns an Italian restaurant?

[25:53] Oh, Dan, come on.

[25:54] Because they're greasy?

[25:55] Dan.

[25:56] I'm sorry.

[25:57] That's offensive.

[25:58] I think that the movie was offensive.

[26:01] They put him in a leopard print Speedo-y type thing.

[26:06] He has a tattoo of one of his family members, presumably, on his arm.

[26:10] And the girl has a tattoo of a fairy or something.

[26:14] Right over her cooch.

[26:15] Right above her, yeah.

[26:16] Her genital area.

[26:19] Her cooch, as you so delicately put it.

[26:21] Right beneath her navel, let's say that.

[26:24] But as soon as he realizes they're trapped, he rips a pipe out of the wall and starts trying to break open the window in the door of the sauna.

[26:32] A reasonable strategy, I would say.

[26:34] Yeah.

[26:34] And what's a hard thing that we can use to break a softer thing?

[26:39] And later it's a strategy that works.

[26:40] Yeah.

[26:41] But they're all yelling at him, what are you doing?

[26:43] Ah, stop, what are you doing?

[26:44] Not at all.

[26:45] And he gets mad, and the sassy broad starts yelling at him that he's a failure or something.

[26:52] I don't remember.

[26:53] And he gets so mad that he starts trying to choke her to death.

[26:56] And it all happens very quickly.

[26:58] Yeah.

[26:58] And, yeah, he's choking her with a pipe.

[27:02] And then the catatonic woman stabs him with a piece of a shard of tile that came off the wall.

[27:09] Which, I mean, there's four other people in this sauna.

[27:14] they could have easily restrained this guy yeah i mean yeah they have no one to blame but themselves

[27:20] yeah it's not the crazy girl's fault and the crazy girl uh eventually had a grief

[27:25] splits her own throat well let's not get let's not get ahead that's the first that's the first

[27:29] of these six little indians to die oh that's right okay scenario who comes who comes next nailhead

[27:34] Nail head comes.

[27:35] Hellraiser.

[27:38] Hellraiser's pinhead.

[27:39] It's the one who dies.

[27:40] Doug Bradley was his name?

[27:42] Oh, yeah.

[27:42] Their big scheme next is to lift up the sexy girl perpendicular to the door

[27:52] and put her head out of the little window.

[27:56] At first it looks like they're going to use her as a ram to ram down the door,

[28:00] But they put her head out

[28:02] And this masked figure

[28:03] Who I don't think we ever get any closure on

[28:05] Exactly who it was

[28:07] Everyone assumes that it's Val Kilmer

[28:09] Either Val Kilmer or Crazy Doctor

[28:10] Oh no, Crazy Doctor's in the sauna

[28:12] It's gotta be Val Kilmer

[28:13] Like Jamie Madrox

[28:15] Jamie Hydrox

[28:18] The off-brand Oreo

[28:20] They never explicitly say that it's Val Kilmer

[28:22] But some figure comes along and nail guns the girl

[28:25] Thrice in the forehead

[28:26] His nail nail acting indicated that it was

[28:28] Somebody as confident as Val Kilmer

[28:30] At that point, like, again, this is an experiment with very specific conditions that wouldn't really be replicated in the real world.

[28:36] But at that point, the entire experiment falls apart.

[28:39] When global warming starts, there's just going to be nail guns roaming the streets shooting people.

[28:44] I guess.

[28:44] Wait, the nail guns shooting people?

[28:47] Shooting people who are trying to leave the earth.

[28:49] It's like an accident of overdrive.

[28:50] I have some literature about 2012 that you should read, Stuart.

[28:55] Okay.

[28:56] Mine calendar.

[28:58] Look it up.

[28:58] Wait a minute.

[29:00] that's my 2012 is my favorite conspiracy theory by the way because it's uh or or or cataclysm theory

[29:08] because it's like oh my god this calendar that people stopped using 500 years ago

[29:14] yeah kind of hints that the calendar will stop kind of 2012 whereas maybe like maybe the mayans

[29:21] are just like you know what we don't need to go past 2012 i mean you know what we're doing this

[29:26] so that's so far in the future you know what just figure it out until it's 1506 right now

[29:31] we've got 600 we got 500 years we're doing pretty well but like these people who didn't

[29:36] know what germs were obviously could foresee the future these people who thought men riding

[29:44] horses were gods you know you got to respect the indigenous people i don't probably uh they

[29:50] There's probably no magic or something, right?

[29:53] It's like, well, they knew that the only way to appease the gods was cutting people's heads off.

[29:59] And that's true.

[30:00] And that's true.

[30:01] They had the inside track.

[30:02] 2012 it is.

[30:03] But anyway, he had nail guns.

[30:05] Yeah, so the nail gun dies.

[30:06] So that's number two.

[30:07] That's the second casualty.

[30:08] And then Catatonic Girl is overcome.

[30:12] There's a long sequence.

[30:13] A lot.

[30:14] A long, long sequence while opera is playing where...

[30:18] Like Carmina Barana or something?

[30:20] No, it's more like...

[30:21] Not like that dramatic.

[30:21] La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

[30:23] You know, not...

[30:24] Very slow.

[30:24] This is also a movie that the characters are introduced to the strains of Ravel's Bolero,

[30:30] which plays for about 100 minutes.

[30:32] It's one of the longest, most repetitive songs I can think of, and they play as much of it

[30:37] as they can.

[30:38] But you get these long, overexposed, steam room, bright yellow sequences of things happening

[30:45] in slow motion.

[30:46] Everything in the sauna is bright yellow or bright orange and overexposed.

[30:50] That's to make you feel like you're there, Elliot, to feel that heat.

[30:54] But slow motion.

[30:56] Wet on your body.

[30:58] Yeah, feel the heat.

[30:58] It's like boogie nights.

[31:00] Yeah, we should have turned the heat up in here, dude.

[31:02] Let's watch it again.

[31:04] I think that mustache is doing the job, Steeler.

[31:07] That's the way it was originally shown.

[31:08] It was like William Castle showed it.

[31:10] They showed it in the sauna.

[31:12] Yeah, they had a guy with a mustache in every theater.

[31:16] Slowly turning up the thermostat.

[31:18] I mean, that's not, like, improbable.

[31:20] Statistically, there probably was a guy with a mustache in every theater.

[31:25] Well, they're not as popular as they once were.

[31:27] It was only showed in two theaters.

[31:28] In Mustache County.

[31:30] During a mustache festival.

[31:34] It was originally called the Mustache Experiment.

[31:38] They had to go back afterwards and digitally erase the mustaches all the actors wore.

[31:44] My theory is that when global warming starts, everyone will want to shave their mustaches

[31:49] because their upper lips are going to be so sweaty.

[31:51] You're crazy.

[31:53] You're crazy, Pettis.

[31:56] Pettis.

[31:59] Val Kilmer's name is Pettis, by the way.

[32:02] I refuse to print this theory on the front page of the newspaper, primarily because it

[32:08] is completely unimportant and petty.

[32:11] Your so-called mustache festo on this topic.

[32:15] But anyway.

[32:16] Oh, so Nailhead.

[32:17] There's a long, long, long sequence of people putting towels over the dead woman.

[32:22] And like, oh, the catatonic girl comes up and kisses the dead woman in the least sexy girl on girl scene.

[32:28] Ever.

[32:28] I was going for a little bit of Frenching.

[32:30] Sure.

[32:31] Nope.

[32:33] That's kind of.

[32:34] You know, and the keywords on the IMDb keywords, it has to be like lesbian necrophilia.

[32:40] That's got to be one of the things.

[32:41] Well, you want to see what movies are recommended along with it.

[32:43] Because I might have talked about this on a previous podcast.

[32:46] For whatever reason, I don't remember why, I was looking up the entry for From Hell on IMDb.

[32:51] And it said, if you like this movie, you might also like Rising Sun.

[32:55] It's like, the only thing these have in common is that prostitutes are murdered in them.

[33:00] That's terrible.

[33:01] Who's choosing their movies based on that criteria?

[33:04] Anyway.

[33:05] Plus, if that's all you care about, you can just turn on Cinemax at like 12, any night.

[33:11] They're usually strippers that get a kill.

[33:14] Not Angel.

[33:15] Angel?

[33:16] Angel, yeah.

[33:17] You know, student by night.

[33:19] Oh, student by day, stripper by night.

[33:21] Yeah, I think that this is possibly the most referenced movie on this podcast I've never seen.

[33:27] Angel?

[33:27] Yeah.

[33:28] It's on the Netflix.

[33:30] Okay, well.

[33:32] I guess that's your recommendation.

[33:34] Just put it on your queue.

[33:35] No, I got way better recommendations.

[33:36] There's the girl-on-girl necrophilia, and then she kills herself.

[33:41] Yeah, because it's in a movie

[33:43] And then, is Eric Roberts

[33:46] The only one left to die after that?

[33:48] Yeah, Eric Roberts dies

[33:49] He

[33:51] He begins to think that the last

[33:55] Remaining man and woman are in cahoots

[33:58] And they are in cahoots

[33:59] And she beats him to death with

[34:01] A dragon sculpture

[34:02] That fell off the wall

[34:04] Oh yeah, and the steam comes out of dragon mouths

[34:07] In the sauna

[34:08] all right well so just like in chinese mythology we've pretty much run through this and we're um

[34:14] we're getting a long time so let's talk about this twist ending okay um my problem we barely

[34:19] even talked about armando sante's inability to speak english uh so twist ending my problem this

[34:24] is so looking back on this what are we to believe we're to believe that um this doctor created some

[34:31] sort of work release program for this crazy val kilmer and allowed himself then to be like put

[34:37] into this experiment then yeah so that he could touch human chaos and then got val kilmer gets

[34:45] recaptured but the woman's like oh he's controlling you now i don't think that val kilmer first of all

[34:51] is any threat no beginning at the end of this film he's he's comatose basically well i don't know

[34:56] it's like dr mabuza you know even though he's in a coma he could probably control other people's

[35:00] minds but also i don't understand like it's a german film reference for you guys fritz lang

[35:06] look at a testament of dr mabuse i know that's the second one fine but that's the one where he's

[35:10] yeah he is taking people's minds from the beyond the grave or something uh but the like why did he

[35:17] get released in the first place and did he honestly have any sort of released him warming theory to

[35:22] set up this plan no because he says released him to set up he says going to he says going to the

[35:27] press was a mistake they released him so that he could set up this sauna experiment and then he got

[35:32] out of their clutches and you know went to the press to tell them about his crazy mixed up

[35:38] bullshit it was like it was weird because the movie went as lee frankenweiler's crazy

[35:43] the uh the movie goes from being like a saw type movie of like i've trapped these people

[35:53] and i'm gonna see how they react into yeah into like batman territory of like

[35:59] well, the crime asylum run by Dr. Crazy

[36:02] has another crime-speriment to hold, you know.

[36:06] It just becomes a different universe.

[36:09] These asylums have to stop hiring crazy people to run them.

[36:13] Yeah.

[36:13] That's like the number one problem in mental health today.

[36:16] Inmates run the asylum, guys.

[36:18] Exactly.

[36:18] Well.

[36:19] Yeah, makes you examine yourself.

[36:21] It's an important thing.

[36:22] Who's really crazy?

[36:23] That's on Haunted Hill.

[36:24] Yes, that's an example.

[36:27] Chasers, yeah.

[36:29] mind hunters yeah all right that's not really like that baby's day out

[36:34] that movie about a zombie women's prison anyway um so but my other problem with uh the movie as

[36:42] a whole like this brings it up is this feels like one of these movies where the screenwriter's like

[36:47] oh what's an issue i can peg this movie yeah like what's an important issue that i'm i feel

[36:52] uh strongly about oh global warming but the problem in all these movies is these movies

[36:58] always want to address these big issues

[37:00] by making the person who's

[37:02] concerned about these issues into a crazy

[37:04] lunatic. And so I'm like

[37:06] so I guess that

[37:08] I were to believe that global

[37:10] warming isn't a problem because

[37:12] crazy Val Kilmer

[37:14] is behind it.

[37:15] I think that the screenwriter wants us to think

[37:18] about these issues but instead we're kind of like

[37:20] oh god

[37:21] I hope I don't get

[37:24] trapped in a steam room.

[37:25] That's the moral of the story.

[37:28] That would suck.

[37:28] Better stay away from these global warming wackos.

[37:30] Better not answer any weird ads on the internet.

[37:34] If a dating service offers me $5,000, I will not take it.

[37:38] I will assume something's up, because that seems weird.

[37:41] You normally pay for the dating service.

[37:42] You know what?

[37:43] I might just not even set foot in Grand Rapids.

[37:46] How about that?

[37:46] Let's just avoid Grand Rapids, Michigan.

[37:49] That's just common sense.

[37:51] That's good advice.

[37:53] I think what the movie's really trying to say is that when the apocalypse happens

[38:01] and it gets really hot out, we're going to stab the shit out of each other.

[38:06] That's the main feature of the apocalypse is it gets really hot out.

[38:12] Oh, my God.

[38:12] It's super hot.

[38:13] Guys, this apocalypse is just sweltering.

[38:16] And all these Italian meatball guys are flipping out for us

[38:21] and they're going to try and kill the hot chicks.

[38:23] like vendors like street vendors like chef boyardee like yeah probably well they're gonna

[38:32] get fucking pissed and they're gonna start trying to choke all the hot chicks and we're gonna be

[38:36] like no dude don't and then some crazy broad is gonna stab them all and it's it's gonna be a whole

[38:42] fucking problem wow the apocalypse sounds terrible it's gonna be a fucking it's gonna be a problem

[38:47] yeah but before things get bad there are gonna be tables of women and run just running around

[38:51] just very briefly well that was that was not brief i mean actually it took a very long time

[38:56] lingering i i've never realized before how much context i like for nudity in films that like as

[39:03] much as i like it to look at it up a little bit with the story no it's almost like if i if this

[39:09] was porn then i'm here to deliver your milk no but if it was pornography and suddenly a woman

[39:16] took her top off i'd be like i don't need a reason but to watch a to watch a real movie

[39:20] If a woman just takes her top off for no reason, for some reason it becomes not sexy, but like...

[39:26] It sort of angers you.

[39:27] It's like, do you really think this is going to win me over?

[39:30] Yeah.

[39:30] Please, I am more discerning than this.

[39:33] Are we to believe that women just remove their tops willy-nilly?

[39:36] In my experience, that is not the case, sir.

[39:39] It only happens around David Duchovny.

[39:41] Or even like when we watched the crappy Friday the 13th remake.

[39:45] Like, women took off their tops and it was like, uh-oh, tops are coming off.

[39:50] But, like, you know, because they're crazy teens.

[39:52] The whole point of those movies is crazy teens are trying to have sex with each other.

[39:55] Heck, yeah.

[39:55] But in this one, it was...

[39:57] They've established a universe, the Friday the 13th universe, where that happens.

[39:59] The 13th-iverse, yeah.

[40:00] Yeah.

[40:01] But in this one, it's literally, she's in a room full of people she doesn't like, and

[40:06] she just takes...

[40:06] Doesn't know.

[40:06] She doesn't know, and takes her top off for no reason.

[40:10] It's not even like the top was covering her that well, and then puts it back on again.

[40:15] It really doesn't...

[40:16] It's just so blatant.

[40:17] And when somebody compliments her on her breasts, she's antagonistic about it.

[40:24] Yeah, she doesn't like it.

[40:25] And, yeah, that doesn't win me over.

[40:26] So what you're saying, Elliot, is you would have preferred a scene where late in the movie everyone was suddenly like,

[40:31] we've got to get these clothes off.

[40:32] Exactly, yeah.

[40:33] Oh, it's so hot.

[40:34] Yeah, that would have made more sense at least.

[40:36] Just some reason.

[40:36] There's all this blood all over the place.

[40:38] I'm super turned on.

[40:40] Yeah, let's do it, guys.

[40:42] Again, but it's context.

[40:43] If I was watching a movie called, like, you know, Bikini Sauna Girls,

[40:47] and they were just like, well, time to take our tops off,

[40:49] then I'd say, this makes sense to me.

[40:51] That's the way it goes.

[40:53] You can just call it the bikini experiment at that point.

[40:56] Yeah.

[40:57] Okay, I mean, I guess as soon as you start involving bikinis, chaos is...

[41:02] He goes to, like, he goes, like,

[41:04] now all you think of is an entire, like, bikini parody of this movie,

[41:08] where he goes to, like, the boob times and is like,

[41:11] You've got to publish my report about bikinis dissolving in the heat in the year 20.

[41:16] Yeah, yeah.

[41:17] Global warming is going to make people's bikinis fall off.

[41:21] You're crazy, old man.

[41:22] I'll show them.

[41:23] So he brings like six sexy women into a sauna to show their bikinis fall off.

[41:27] Weirdly enough, Armando Sante is also a part of this movie.

[41:30] Ah, okay.

[41:33] He plays Inspector Titsworth.

[41:35] Of the Federal Bikini Inspectors.

[41:41] So I think that we need to move along.

[41:44] I think that we should give our final judgments.

[41:46] Final judgments.

[41:48] Now, was this movie totally, what was it?

[41:53] Sorry, I can't even remember what my joke categories were.

[41:59] Is this movie totally scarifying?

[42:02] Is it frighteningly funny?

[42:07] Or is it totally snorifying?

[42:08] That's what those were.

[42:10] That's right.

[42:11] So, Stuart, why don't you go?

[42:14] You can't see this, listeners,

[42:19] but Stuart's putting his thumb

[42:21] in a downward position

[42:22] and making...

[42:24] You can hear the fart noises.

[42:25] This movie was a fucking piece of shit.

[42:29] Elliot?

[42:31] It started out

[42:33] frighteningly funny,

[42:34] but then it got totally snorifying.

[42:36] So, you know, it was like...

[42:39] It was kind of funny how bad it was at first, and then about 20 minutes in, you know, you realize that there was 70 minutes left of this movie.

[42:49] It is, like, sleep-inspiring.

[42:52] However...

[42:54] That was director's intention.

[42:55] Yeah, well, it was originally supposed to be a replacement for NyQuil.

[42:58] Yeah, well, it's like a...

[43:00] Oh, that's why there was that warning on the box.

[43:02] They were looking for a film substitute for Ambien.

[43:05] Yeah, it's a phantasmagorical dreamscape of Eyes Wide Shut.

[43:09] I would say that if you're, like, a bad movie fan and, for some reason, like, this is on television.

[43:17] I wouldn't say rent it, but if it's on television, watch, like, the first 30 minutes.

[43:21] Yeah, it's worth watching a little bit.

[43:22] Because, like, it's very funny.

[43:23] Then maybe flip back for the last 10.

[43:25] But in the middle, you don't need to worry about it.

[43:28] So what you're saying is DVR this movie.

[43:29] Yeah.

[43:30] TiVo this movie and then fast forward through a lot of it.

[43:33] Because a lot of it is actually much funnier than any bad movie we've seen in a while.

[43:37] And the problem with watching more major releases all the time is usually those films have a certain level of competence, even if they're terrible.

[43:46] That this one did not have.

[43:48] That this film did not have.

[43:49] No, no, it didn't.

[43:50] So the laughs in it, the big laughs, were bigger.

[43:53] But then there was a lot of really slow stuff.

[43:55] Yeah.

[43:55] Basically, the sauna scenes were pretty awful.

[43:58] Yeah.

[43:58] But Val Kimmerer's performance, that was the comedy performance of the year.

[44:03] All I always say is he's a better comic actor than he is a dramatic actor.

[44:07] That's a performance that if they want to make an epic movie, teen movie, scary movie type parody of a shitty Saw movie.

[44:18] That's it right there.

[44:19] Yeah, he's the lead.

[44:20] Well, he's basically playing Chris Elliott in Scary Movie 2, I think.

[44:24] Well, he threw a little bit of Heath Ledger's Joker in there also.

[44:28] Yeah.

[44:29] At times.

[44:29] But bad.

[44:31] Yeah, but not good.

[44:33] All the good parts about Keith Ledger's performance.

[44:35] I love how...

[44:38] Michelle Williams is going to stop listening to this podcast.

[44:40] You refuse to give the minimum level of respect to a dead man who was in a movie you liked.

[44:46] A Night's Tale is really good, but...

[44:52] All right, so let's move on to our recommendations of movies that we actually...

[44:57] Recommendations.

[44:58] enjoy

[44:59] I'm going to start off

[45:03] and I'm going to say that

[45:05] I'm going to apologize

[45:05] I never do this

[45:08] but I'm going to apologize that

[45:10] I'm going to recommend a movie that I've seen half of

[45:13] and I'm doing this because

[45:14] I've been so busy

[45:16] the look on Stuart's face is shocked

[45:18] well the other half is waiting on my DVR

[45:20] Stuart so if I watch the other half

[45:22] this better be like fucking Berlin Alexander plots

[45:24] and it's just so long that you haven't even watched it yet

[45:26] if I watch the other half

[45:27] And if I don't like the second half, I will recant on the podcast.

[45:33] This charming romantic film audition.

[45:35] Yeah, Dan, we'll hold you to that.

[45:38] If you don't like it, you must correct yourself.

[45:40] Yeah, but I've just been really busy this month.

[45:42] And speaking of busy, my sketch group is doing two Halloween shows,

[45:48] one of which will be done by the time this podcast goes out.

[45:51] But I'll put a link up for the second one, and that's part of why I've been busy.

[45:55] But I recorded this movie off of IFC on a late Saturday night.

[46:02] And I like how late on Saturday night they play sort of like sleazier films.

[46:07] They're like, here's a forgotten exploitation film.

[46:09] I don't know.

[46:10] They'll play Maniac in the middle of the day.

[46:11] That's true.

[46:12] But I recorded a movie called Terror Vision.

[46:16] Oh, I saw that in the cable guide.

[46:19] It was right after Videodrome, right?

[46:22] Yeah.

[46:23] I didn't record it.

[46:24] Like, I've only seen half of it, but the half I've seen is great.

[46:28] Like, it's got Mary Warnoff, is that her last name?

[46:32] Like, she was in Eating Raoul and Chopping Mall, and she was in, like, a lot of early 80s exploitation films.

[46:39] I don't remember.

[46:40] It's just a real time capsule of, like, things that people thought about in the early 80s.

[46:46] like the um main characters like the two like parents are swingers and the daughter is like

[46:54] a cindy lopper-esque like girl and then there's the the punk slash metal uh guy who's like

[47:02] mallory's boyfriend from family ties and uh it's done in all these day glow colors it basically

[47:08] looks like joe dante's segment of twides on the movie all the way through it and it has these

[47:12] great um uh practical special effects of the monster this is this monster which is basically

[47:19] alien toxic waste that has been beamed down into a satellite dish and so it's like the john ridder

[47:26] hit stay tuned yeah except for with monsters and that's another like early 80s thing they're like

[47:31] they're like well don't under film stay tuned it's like early in the 80s like oh there's so

[47:36] many cable channels these days yeah and that's basically the premise of this film there's so

[47:40] many cable channels these days one of them has to pick up a monster from outer space one of them's

[47:45] bound to bring a monster in it uh and it also feels like there's 47 channels it feels like

[47:53] like a really like like weird like horror mad magazine thing like i kind of feel like in a way

[47:59] the 80s were the last gasp of the underground just because like there wasn't the internet that

[48:05] bound us all together so weirder things were kind of harder to find like this movie doesn't go that

[48:11] far but it still has that feeling of like we're getting away with something weird that you

[48:16] wouldn't see like it's a movie that would have been released to vhs tape and you would have seen

[48:21] it in your local video store but anyway i've enjoyed it so far so that's my recommendation

[48:27] i'll have to look out for it uh well i'm gonna recommend uh i'm gonna recommend two movies that

[48:32] i've seen all of uh one of them will be very briefly uh it's a movie called trick or treat

[48:38] uh just got released holy shit you've seen it yeah um and that was you know it's it's been

[48:44] getting a lot of good press i thought it was pretty good i would also i mean it's the type

[48:49] of horror movie that if i saw it when i was like 13 i would be like this fucking movie rules uh

[48:56] but like as a grown-up i'm like oh this is fun it's cool it's cute um and the other movie i want

[49:01] to recommend is a movie called savage streets starring linda blair uh it's this awesome

[49:07] exploitation like teenage uh like teenage gang movie where like there's a gang of girls and this

[49:15] like evil gang of guys that uh like start screwing with them and they end up like raping the female

[49:21] gang leader's sister played by a young lena quigley and then linda blair goes after him with

[49:28] crossbow oh and uh like the huntress yeah and there's a ton of uh you know there's a ton of

[49:33] nudity there's a great uh there's a great like all-girl fight scene in a shower uh yeah it's

[49:39] totally fucking awesome see that's the kind of context i'm talking about for nudity yeah it's

[49:45] a fucking sweet movie there's a lot of awesome music uh some of it written originally for the

[49:51] film go check out this movie savage streets all right elliot uh i'm going to recommend strangely

[49:58] enough a movie i also saw on ifc uh which i just saw recently that i enjoyed a lot which is a

[50:04] japanese kind of samurai ghost movie from 1968 called black cat uh which is not available on

[50:12] dvd i think but it they'll probably run again on ifc uh so keep an eye out for it about uh

[50:17] It's during the feudal samurai wars of Japanese history, and this woman and her daughter-in-law are alone.

[50:25] Their son-slash-husband got sent out to fight in these wars, and they're living alone in the forest in their house, and a band of roving samurai comes by and rapes and kills them, as happened all the time in ancient Japan according to movies, or medieval Japan.

[50:40] And so they become ghosts who also turn into cats and who basically seduce samurai into coming and staying with them and then kill them in the middle of the night and drink their blood.

[50:51] Meanwhile, the son-slash-husband has made a name for himself on the battlefield by killing a giant, and he is tasked with the job of stopping – finding out what's killing these samurais and destroying it.

[51:06] And I won't go any further than that.

[51:09] But it was directed by the same director who made the film Onibaba, which I think I also recommended before.

[51:15] I think I recommended that.

[51:18] Oh, maybe you recommended it.

[51:19] But it's very similar in tone to that, except where Onibaba doesn't really have any supernatural stuff in it.

[51:25] Spoiler alert.

[51:26] Black Cat is full of supernatural stuff, but it's really creepy, and there's some really neat, like, weird editing moments, too.

[51:34] Speaking of Asian horror movies, have you ever seen Housu?

[51:38] I remember when they released it

[51:41] shortly here, but I have not seen it.

[51:44] I have only seen screenshots of that

[51:46] on the internet, and it looks like the craziest thing

[51:48] in the world. I so much want to see that movie.

[51:50] We should rent it sometime.

[51:52] Yeah.

[51:52] Well, guys, I think we should

[51:55] wind things down, mainly because

[51:57] due to the aforementioned busy

[51:59] month, I may not have

[52:02] time to edit this much.

[52:03] So my apologies.

[52:04] My apologies.

[52:07] What are you, Armand Asante?

[52:09] Take that, Armand.

[52:13] Oh, Stuart, you're a class cut-up.

[52:16] What can I say?

[52:17] My apologies to anyone who's listened this far and thought,

[52:20] hey, things seem sloppier than usual.

[52:22] This was kind of a flabby episode.

[52:24] More like Slophouse.

[52:26] But before we go, I plugged my sketch group,

[52:33] which I'll put up on the blog,

[52:35] but do you want to say anything about your next screening?

[52:37] I would like to.

[52:38] I have another screening coming up at the 92nd Street Y, Tribeca location on 200 Hudson Street in Manhattan, November 4th, Wednesday, 8 p.m.

[52:47] I'll be showing the film The Gunfighter with Gregory Peck.

[52:49] Which is great.

[52:50] Which is a great Western that does not get the due it deserves because it was directed by Henry King, who is not an auteur, so he doesn't get a lot of name recognition.

[52:58] But it's one of the great Westerns and the first great kind of psychological Western or adult Western with Gregory Peck.

[53:06] And then the next last screening of the year is December 2nd, the day before my birthday.

[53:11] I'll be showing Preston Sturgis' The Miracle of Morgan's Creek.

[53:14] With a special guest.

[53:16] With a special guest, Kristen Schaal, who you may know from her guest spots on The Daily Show

[53:21] or as Mel, the super fan in Flight of the Conchords.

[53:24] She will be coming by to talk to me about her impressions of the film and my impressions of the film.

[53:30] But that's not until December.

[53:32] So if you go to 92YTribeca.com.

[53:35] I'll put up a link.

[53:37] Okay, put up a link.

[53:38] Dan will put up a link.

[53:39] But November 4th is The Gunfighter.

[53:40] It's a great movie, and you should see it.

[53:42] And December 2nd is Miracle in Morgan's Creek with special guest Christian Shaw.

[53:46] Stuart, do you have anything you want to plug quickly besides your mustache wax?

[53:49] Yeah, I just wanted to recommend a friend of mine whose work I've recommended in the past, Alex Smith,

[53:56] and who's a fan of the podcast,

[53:57] also has put together a little film

[54:00] for the Louisville 48-Hour Film Project.

[54:03] You can see it on YouTube.

[54:04] The title is Bring Back the Bishop's Sack.

[54:07] I totally recommend it.

[54:08] All right.

[54:09] So, guys, this has been good.

[54:11] Shocktober's over.

[54:13] Makes me a little sad every year.

[54:15] Well, get ready for Showvember,

[54:17] when we do nothing but show tunes movies.

[54:20] Holy shit.

[54:22] Well, I'm excited for that now.

[54:24] Well, I've been Dan McCoy.

[54:26] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[54:27] And I remain Elliot Kalin.

[54:29] Good night.

[54:30] Say stew back.

[54:40] Yep.

[54:41] We're back on songs Dan doesn't know all the words to.

[54:46] Dan, I don't like it.

[54:47] It looked like when I looked in your mirror, I realized I have more gray hairs than I thought I did.

[54:50] Well, at least I have that on you.

[54:53] Yep.

[54:54] You have so much.

[54:55] Oh, no, my hair will go gray long before yours does, Daniel.

The Flop House: Episode #48 - The Chaos Experiment

Transcript

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