The Flop House: Episode #49 - Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

Dan McCoy

[0:00] This week we take on a movie made for anyone who ever played a video game

[0:03] and thought to themselves, I wonder what her story is?

[0:08] Street Fighter, The Legend of Chun-Li.

[0:30] Street Fighter, The Legend of Chun-Li.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00] Were you an Irish baby born in Thailand?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02] Yeah, I was an Irish baby.

[1:04] My parents were missionaries who died when I was a baby, but I still have an Irish accent.

Dan McCoy

[1:07] You retain elements of your Irish accent.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09] Yeah, and I became a well-known thief on the streets of Thailand stealing baskets of fish.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] Sure.

[1:15] We saw a film that had the exact same plot.

[1:18] Yeah, well, that was the backstory.

[1:20] That was like the plot of the movie?

[1:22] The plot of...

[1:24] It was a backstory for the main bad guy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:26] Yeah, well, I mean, he was loosely based on me.

[1:28] I'm not a villain.

[1:30] And he's older than me.

Dan McCoy

[1:32] It was also based on the popular...

Stuart Wellington

[1:35] Everything else, though, is exactly the same.

[1:38] You have taken your conscience and inserted it into a baby.

Elliott Kalan

[1:43] Yes, yeah.

[1:43] But in this case, that was just to keep it safe.

Dan McCoy

[1:46] Yeah, of course.

[1:47] That character was also based on the Hanson song, M'Bison.

[1:51] The popular Hanson song.

[1:53] That was fucking terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] Well, we watched Street Fighter, The Legend of Chun-Li, in case you were wondering.

[1:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:01] So, it's based on the popular...

[2:03] It is, and the word legend is very loosely used.

[2:06] Series.

[2:07] Street Fighter.

[2:08] Yeah, I mean, doesn't...

[2:09] Street Fighter 2.

Elliott Kalan

[2:10] We all remember Street Fighter 2, Street Fighter 2 Turbo Edition, Super Street Fighter 2.

[2:15] Turbo Remix.

[2:16] Street Fighter 2.1.

[2:17] Yeah.

[2:18] Beta.

[2:19] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[2:20] Street Fighter XP.

[2:21] Yeah.

[2:22] Those are...

[2:22] You play those in arcades down in Chinatown, right?

[2:25] Against kids who are really good.

Elliott Kalan

[2:26] I mean, I didn't play them in Chinatown.

[2:27] Oh, you mean now?

[2:28] Yeah.

[2:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2:29] Well, I'm a tourney guy.

[2:31] I go for the tourneys.

[2:32] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[2:33] Who's your guy?

[2:34] Which guy do you like to play with?

Elliott Kalan

[2:36] Well, it depends on how I'm feeling that day.

[2:38] Sure.

[2:38] If I'm feeling a character who's a little lighter on his feet, I'll go with Vega, because

[2:41] he's got a Spanish gay thing that's very Almodovar.

[2:45] Sure.

[2:45] But, you know, if I wanted more characters who's more of a bruiser, I'll go with Blanca.

[2:49] Uh-huh.

[2:50] His electricity attack is good for keeping the kid I'm playing against off balance.

Stuart Wellington

[2:54] And he has really cool chest hair.

[2:56] Yeah.

[2:57] And he's green.

[2:57] And you like to make the sound effects when he wins.

[2:59] You like to make that same sound effect.

[3:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:01] I like that the other characters are vaguely human, where he's, you know, just some kind

[3:05] of beast.

[3:06] Yeah, some kind of an animal.

Dan McCoy

[3:07] Like, why would they let him into the World Warriors Tournament?

[3:09] I'm just surprised he's wearing pants.

[3:11] Well, guys, to set this up for not nerds, which makes us feel like a lot of

[3:15] It's up as much as 5% of our audience.

[3:17] You are overestimating.

[3:19] Street Fighter 2, of course, was a member of the popular genre of video game known as

[3:24] the fighting game.

[3:25] The side-scrolling fighter.

[3:27] Yeah.

[3:27] Fighting games, of course, known for their plots.

[3:30] For a sprite-based fighting game.

[3:31] Yeah, which make it the best thing to adapt into a film, a feature film.

Stuart Wellington

[3:35] I mean, you know, sometimes...

[3:37] You're being a little sarcastic, Dan.

[3:39] I think I detected some sarcasm.

[3:41] That might not be coming through to the audience.

Dan McCoy

[3:43] The literary term would be irony.

[3:45] Sure.

[3:45] That's what I'm doing.

[3:46] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[3:48] Well, you know, the movie Mortal Kombat was really good.

[3:56] I had high hopes going into this one, to be honest with you all.

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] Since Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter were the two big games.

[4:02] Like, kids would divide up whether they were a Street Fighter person or a Mortal Kombat person.

Stuart Wellington

[4:05] Yeah, and there were, like, dance battles between the groups of kids.

Dan McCoy

[4:08] Yeah, yeah.

[4:09] Sure.

[4:10] Wrap-offs.

[4:11] Wrap-offs.

[4:12] Based on the content of the game.

[4:15] Slam-offs.

[4:16] Just trying to...

[4:16] Dozens fights.

[4:17] You know, things that happened in the 90s is what I'm sure I'm thinking about.

Elliott Kalan

[4:21] Oh, yeah.

[4:23] Yeah.

[4:23] Bosnia.

[4:26] Lewinsky trial.

[4:28] MC Hammer.

[4:29] MC Hammer.

Stuart Wellington

[4:31] Jurassic Park.

[4:32] Yeah, all these things.

[4:33] So, yeah, so this movie's based on...

[4:38] It's based on Street Fighter.

[4:39] Yeah.

[4:39] But not really.

[4:40] Yeah, no.

Dan McCoy

[4:41] Because it's based on a character.

[4:43] Well, a couple of characters, but primarily one character from Street Fighter.

Elliott Kalan

[4:47] Well, it is a movie where they have written a story and they have given some of the characters

[4:50] in the story the names of Street Fighter characters.

[4:52] That's what it comes down to.

Dan McCoy

[4:54] And in one case, the glove of a Street Fighter character.

Elliott Kalan

[4:57] Yeah, and the Haruken fireball power.

Dan McCoy

[5:00] Yeah.

[5:01] Sure.

[5:01] So, I don't know.

[5:02] Let's...

[5:03] I feel like we've probably already confused everyone.

[5:07] So, let's start with a synopsis.

[5:08] Okay.

[5:09] Shouldn't we?

Elliott Kalan

[5:10] Yeah, that's fine.

[5:11] Can we start with Thanatopsis?

[5:13] The classic American poem by William Cullen Bryant?

[5:17] No.

[5:18] Okay.

[5:18] Well, then let's do a synopsis then.

Dan McCoy

[5:22] I would take a stab at it because I feel like this always goes to Elliot, but I was sort

[5:27] of sick today, so my brain is a little hazy.

Elliott Kalan

[5:29] 12 minutes into the movie, you got up and made popcorn for a while.

[5:33] Yeah.

[5:33] For about another 12 minutes.

[5:34] Here, let me take the reins here.

[5:37] You take it this time.

Stuart Wellington

[5:38] So, there's this little girl who's like half Chinese and half, I guess, English?

[5:43] I don't know.

[5:44] Something.

[5:44] Yeah.

[5:45] And she and her dad are in Thailand.

Dan McCoy

[5:46] Played by...

[5:47] Well, not played yet.

[5:48] No, they're in Hong Kong.

[5:50] But eventually, she'll be played by Kristen Crook, also a mixed race actress.

[5:55] Who doesn't look it, though.

[5:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:57] So, they're in Hong Kong, you said?

[6:00] Yeah.

[6:00] And he's like teaching her Kung Fu and she loves her dad.

[6:03] And then a bunch of ninjas show up and Michael Clark Duncan show up and start beating up her

[6:08] dad.

[6:09] And then Neil McDonough, who in this movie is playing a character named M. Bison.

Elliott Kalan

[6:15] How many other Flophouse movies has he been in?

[6:17] Because he was in 88 minutes as the imprisoned killer.

[6:21] Oh, yeah.

[6:21] Right?

[6:22] And I think at least one other one.

Dan McCoy

[6:24] Flophouse listeners may remember him as being the guy with the transparent eyes.

[6:29] He has the clearest blue eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[6:32] You can get lost in them.

[6:33] He looks like he's addicted to the spice from Dune.

Dan McCoy

[6:35] Yeah, but they're not like...

[6:36] Absolutely.

[6:37] But they're not like Paul Newman, like blue eyes, where you're like, oh, what a handsome man.

[6:41] It's like, you know, this man has no soul.

[6:44] Yeah.

[6:44] And it's reflected by the fact that his eyes have no color.

Stuart Wellington

[6:47] Yeah.

[6:48] And in this movie, I think like his character didn't...

[6:51] Whoa, whoa, I'm getting ahead of myself.

[6:52] Whoa, let's just say.

Dan McCoy

[6:53] So this like...

Stuart Wellington

[6:54] They kidnap the dad.

[6:55] Yeah, this evil dude takes her dad.

[6:58] And then I guess they just let her live in this giant house.

[7:01] Well, the family's still rich.

[7:03] I guess they're still wealthy, yeah.

[7:04] And she's a piano prodigy.

[7:06] She's a piano prodigy.

[7:07] And her mom...

[7:08] Which figures into the movie exactly none.

[7:10] Well, she's Asian, so...

[7:11] Her mom is dying of cancer or something.

[7:14] She dies, and then she grows up.

[7:16] And then she like...

[7:18] She dies, and then she grows up?

[7:19] No, no.

[7:20] Her mom dies in Chun-Li.

[7:20] And Chun-Li, you know that.

[7:21] Okay, sorry.

[7:22] Main character.

[7:23] She...

[7:23] So she's...

[7:24] Don't be so literal, James.

[7:25] She goes like, wandering around looking for her dad or something.

[7:28] And then she runs afoul of these bad guys.

[7:31] And then she meets this weird ancient, like, trainer or something.

[7:36] Basically a sensei.

[7:37] Named Gan.

[7:38] Yeah, named Gan.

Dan McCoy

[7:39] He's just wandering the streets waiting for someone to train.

[7:42] Yeah, he keeps popping up.

Elliott Kalan

[7:43] And he's got a spider web tattooed on his hand.

[7:45] Yep.

[7:46] He used to be part of the big crime organization that M. Bison, Neil McDonough, runs, called

[7:51] Shadloo.

[7:52] What is it?

[7:53] Shadloo.

[7:54] Shadloo.

[7:55] And...

[7:55] But isn't like the...

[7:56] But he changed his ways.

[7:58] Now he protects the people of the slums of Bangkok.

Dan McCoy

[8:01] But also, isn't the shell corporation for the bad guys named the Esperanto Corporation?

Elliott Kalan

[8:07] Neil McDonough also runs the Esperanto Corporation and Esperanto Securities, which is a huge size

[8:12] paper.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] Named after the popular, failed, made-up language that was meant to bring us all together.

[8:18] And it never happened.

[8:19] It's a good cover.

[8:20] It's a good cover.

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] It is one of the two most successful man-made languages.

[8:24] One with Klingon?

[8:25] Yes.

[8:25] Is that the other one?

[8:26] Those are the most successful artificial languages.

[8:28] Sure.

[8:30] So, let's get back to the tale.

[8:32] Okay.

[8:32] Legend.

Stuart Wellington

[8:33] Now, so Chun-Li starts saying, you haven't even introduced Chris Klein or Money Blood Glow.

[8:42] So, okay, let's...

[8:45] While Chun-Li...

[8:46] He has to find his place in the scroll, the ancient scroll he's been reading this off of.

[8:49] I've got my scroll laid out now.

[8:51] Chun-Li's being trained by...

[8:52] Yeah, Chun-Li's being trained by this ancient master.

[8:55] While that's happening, Chris Klein, who is doing his best Jason Lee impression, has like a hard-boiled Interpol agent cop guy who is always wearing like V-neck T-shirts and rolled-up sleeve.

Elliott Kalan

[9:09] It's kind of like a part Bruce Campbell would play if Bruce Campbell was really greasy.

[9:14] Yeah.

[9:14] And had no charisma.

Stuart Wellington

[9:16] And he is partnered up with Moon Bloodgood.

[9:22] That's the actress's name.

[9:23] That's not the character.

[9:25] The character's name I don't remember.

Dan McCoy

[9:26] It's also not the name of a fictional werewolf.

Stuart Wellington

[9:28] It's a real name.

[9:29] And she is apparently some kind of slutty cop.

Elliott Kalan

[9:33] I don't...

[9:33] She's part of...

[9:34] Well, here's the...

[9:35] It's the weird thing is she's part of the Bangkok homicide division.

[9:39] Sure.

[9:39] But she doesn't look really very Asian either.

[9:42] And she's always walking around in really low-cut tank tops and things.

[9:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[9:47] Well, but she's...

[9:48] I mean, I thought she was part of Interpol.

[9:49] Isn't that what Chris...

[9:50] I don't think so.

[9:51] I thought...

Elliott Kalan

[9:51] Well, Chris Klein is working with homicide.

Stuart Wellington

[9:54] Yeah, she shows up with like SWAT guys at one point.

[9:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:57] She's part of that thing.

[9:59] But she's local.

[10:00] So there are like...

[10:02] We've got to talk about the races...

[10:04] Crime solvers.

[10:04] About the races of the people who play the characters.

Stuart Wellington

[10:06] So they're like the...

[10:07] They're like, you know, they're like our police characters effectively.

[10:10] And they got a lot of really witty banter.

[10:14] The kind of banter that you have no idea what the fuck they're talking about most of the time.

[10:17] But they just say everything with a smirk on their face.

Dan McCoy

[10:20] Yeah, you know it's a joke basically by the delivery, not by the content.

Stuart Wellington

[10:23] Yeah.

[10:24] And eventually...

[10:25] I gotta say...

[10:26] Chun-Li...

[10:26] Chun-Li starts doing some shit to try and beat up.

[10:30] That's accurate.

[10:32] Eventually, she does.

[10:34] She starts going after like the Bison's company.

[10:38] And then somehow she crosses path with the cops.

[10:43] And then...

Elliott Kalan

[10:43] Something...

[10:44] M. Bison's company is trying to take over the waterfront slums of Thailand...

[10:49] Of Bangkok.

[10:50] And then that subplot is dropped.

[10:53] Who cares?

[10:54] Sure.

[10:54] And something called the White Rose.

[10:56] Is being brought into Bangkok that M. Bison really wants badly.

[11:01] And no one knows what it is.

[11:02] It must be some kind of super weapon.

[11:03] Yeah.

[11:04] It must be something amazing that they have to take from it.

[11:05] Or Liz Taylor's new scent, perhaps.

[11:08] Yeah.

[11:08] These have always brought me luck.

[11:11] But the...

[11:12] Sorry.

[11:13] So they decide they need this White Rose thing.

[11:15] And Chun-Li is trying to take down M. Bison's.

[11:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:16] Chun-Li tries to like find it.

[11:18] And then she ends up getting captured by Bison.

Elliott Kalan

[11:20] She seduces one of M. Bison's, I guess, female lieutenants.

[11:23] Yes.

[11:24] And then they have a fight scene in a bathroom.

[11:25] Yeah.

[11:25] Well, no.

[11:26] We'll get into that scene in more depth.

[11:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:27] A painfully erotic battle scene.

[11:29] That's it.

Stuart Wellington

[11:29] So she eventually gets captured.

[11:33] She meets her captive father who's been alive all these years.

[11:37] And then her dad gets killed.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] And Bison snaps his neck.

[11:41] Yeah.

[11:41] Right in front of her.

[11:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:42] And then...

[11:43] That only serves to enrage her.

[11:45] He's like, okay, like, whatever.

[11:47] You suck.

[11:47] And he leaves.

[11:48] Like, there's no way you can stop me.

[11:49] And he leaves.

[11:50] And then, of course, his two henchmen let her escape after she beats them up.

[11:54] And then she runs through the streets.

[11:56] And then she gets shot.

[11:57] And then she gets saved.

[11:58] She gets shot.

Elliott Kalan

[11:59] And then she's being chased by the two clumsiest henchmen in the world.

[12:03] They're running through these crowded Bangkok streets.

[12:06] Not like...

[12:06] But they'll be knocking over fruit stalls and things.

[12:09] But there's plenty of room to run around the fruit stalls.

Dan McCoy

[12:12] There's one scene where a guy was literally, like, shooting over a bunch of greenery.

[12:18] Like, there was, like, a foot clearance.

[12:19] But then he felt like, oh, God.

[12:21] And he had to push the greenery over.

Elliott Kalan

[12:23] It's messing up my vision.

[12:24] They could very quickly catch her.

[12:27] But they have to slow down and push over all these stalls.

[12:30] And then when the villains are almost at her, the townspeople rear up and throw fruit at them.

[12:35] And they run away.

Stuart Wellington

[12:37] Yeah.

[12:37] You know, I think maybe those guys, just, like, one of their tasks for later on in the day,

[12:41] they went into their Microsoft Outlook and were like, task pushover fruit stalls.

[12:46] Like, ah, well, we've got to do this.

[12:47] And we've got to do that later.

[12:48] Why don't we just...

[12:49] We're here.

[12:50] Let's get this out of the way.

[12:51] Knock some fruit over on the ground.

[12:54] So, yeah.

[12:55] So, she gets shot.

[12:56] And then her sensei shows up.

[12:58] Who she thought was dead because his house blew up.

[13:01] Yeah, he got hit by a missile launcher or something.

[13:04] And he shows up.

[13:05] And he uses magic to heal her bullet wound.

[13:09] And then they hang out for a bit.

[13:11] And then somehow they split up again.

[13:13] And then she goes and finds the cops who...

[13:16] Who have seen her once.

Elliott Kalan

[13:18] And she doesn't know their names.

[13:20] But she finds Chris Klein and says, I need backup.

Stuart Wellington

[13:22] Yeah.

[13:23] And I don't know how she doesn't know his name.

[13:24] Because he's constantly saying, Nash out.

[13:28] I'm Nash.

[13:29] Me, Nash.

[13:30] It's Nash.

[13:31] Yeah.

[13:31] Bring men in.

[13:32] And people are just shouting Nash.

[13:34] It's really weird.

[13:36] Nash, goodbye for well, amen.

[13:38] Nash.

[13:39] Yeah.

[13:41] So, they end up...

[13:42] There's a showdown at the...

[13:44] At the wharf.

[13:46] Yeah.

[13:47] And they realize...

[13:48] At the lieutenant wharf.

[13:49] Yeah.

[13:49] And some people get...

[13:50] Some bad guys get killed.

[13:52] And then they find out that the White Rose was Bison's daughter all along.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] Bison's daughter who, when he was a young man who grew up on the streets of Thailand as a fish thief,

[14:06] who, he needed to...

[14:08] This makes no sense.

[14:10] But he took his wife, his pregnant wife, to a cave because he needed to appease the dark gods to get rid of his conscience,

[14:16] which I guess was holding him back in the crime game.

[14:18] Like, he could be advancing, but the conscience was getting in the way.

[14:21] So, he plunges his hands into her pregnant belly, and it's much less exciting than it sounds,

[14:26] and puts his conscience in his infant daughter.

[14:30] Yeah.

[14:31] And that's the White Rose that he wants to get, because he seems to have lost track of her at some point.

Dan McCoy

[14:35] And I've always been under the impression that if a person wants to get rid of their conscience,

[14:40] they're basically almost there already.

[14:42] Like, you know, if you're the kind of person who's interested in divesting yourself of your conscience,

[14:47] you can basically just decide not to care about things,

[14:50] and just do it that way, rather than mystically putting your conscience in an unborn child.

Stuart Wellington

[14:55] Yeah, I mean, at that point, if you've already made the decision that you're going to, like,

[14:58] stab your pregnant wife in the belly with your hands,

[15:01] I think you're probably okay.

[15:03] Like, you've probably got a pretty good control over that conscience.

[15:05] You're pretty evil.

Dan McCoy

[15:06] Maybe that's the twist.

[15:07] Maybe it's like Dumbo's feather.

[15:09] Like, the power was already in him.

[15:11] Yeah, that's...

Stuart Wellington

[15:11] It's very uplifting and inspiring.

[15:14] Yeah.

[15:15] That's the message of Street Fighter.

[15:17] So, Bison takes his daughter conscience to his house,

[15:22] and all our good guys end up showing up at some point,

[15:25] and there's some battling, and...

[15:27] A fight to the finish.

[15:28] Yeah, there's a fight to the finish,

[15:29] and Bison ends up getting his head, like, snapped, like...

[15:33] Turned around.

[15:34] ...twisted all the way around.

[15:35] And then, you know, everybody's okay at the end.

Dan McCoy

[15:38] Yeah.

[15:39] I like your...

[15:40] No surprises.

[15:41] I like your summary, Stuart,

[15:42] because it's sort of like a six-year-old talking about a movie he saw last night,

[15:46] and then this happened.

[15:48] Oh, man, and then this other piece happened.

[15:50] There's a bunch of battling.

Stuart Wellington

[15:51] Yeah, there was not nearly as much battling as I would have expected.

Elliott Kalan

[15:55] Yeah, there's maybe, what, like five fight scenes in a 95-minute movie?

[15:58] Mm-hmm.

[15:59] And none of them are, like...

[16:00] It's not like they're old-boy hallway marathon-length fight scenes.

[16:04] Like, they're just your normal, like...

Stuart Wellington

[16:06] Yeah, a couple wire stunts.

[16:07] Yeah.

[16:08] A couple grabbing each other's arms,

[16:10] and then, like, shifting your position around and grabbing their arm again.

Elliott Kalan

[16:13] There's a very disappointing scene, Fight with Vega,

[16:16] another Street Fighter character who wears a mask

[16:19] and has three blades on one hand, like Wolverine.

[16:21] Sure.

[16:22] And she takes him down in, I don't know, like two minutes?

[16:27] Yeah.

[16:27] A minute and a half?

[16:28] Yeah, not very climactic.

[16:29] And then you expect...

Dan McCoy

[16:30] He's made out to be, like, the Boba Fett of this universe, too.

[16:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:34] And I almost assumed, like,

[16:36] oh, okay, well, he'll come back at some point for revenge.

[16:38] No, he's just gone, you know.

[16:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[16:41] Yeah, like, I can only imagine that in the movie theaters

[16:45] that all the guys who, you know,

[16:48] plunked down all their hard-earned money

[16:50] to play the video game in the arcade

[16:53] who liked to play with this Vega character

[16:55] were really disappointed that their favorite character

[16:57] was not doing any of his signature battle moves.

Elliott Kalan

[16:59] And not even wearing matador pants.

[17:01] Yeah.

[17:02] As he does in the game.

Stuart Wellington

[17:03] Which is probably the best part about it.

[17:05] Yeah, well, Ed's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[17:06] Everyone in the game,

[17:07] everyone has these very specific outfits that they wear,

[17:09] and in the movie, they don't even go to that length

[17:12] of having them put on the costumes.

Dan McCoy

[17:14] He did slice through a chain-link fence at one point,

[17:17] and I believe that he would always fight within a cage.

[17:20] Oh, yeah, you're right.

Elliott Kalan

[17:21] That's true, in, like, a tapas bar.

Dan McCoy

[17:23] Yeah.

[17:23] So what do you think was a tapas bar?

[17:26] It was a bar of some kind, and he's Spanish.

[17:29] Probably a tapas bar.

[17:30] The plane flies to Spain when you're about to fight him, you know.

[17:33] He stops for a few olives in between fights.

Stuart Wellington

[17:35] But in the video game,

[17:38] this character has really, like,

[17:40] very effeminate sound effects when he does things

[17:42] and when he gets punched.

[17:44] And he holds a rose.

[17:45] But he doesn't do any of that in this movie.

[17:47] No.

Elliott Kalan

[17:48] Not that that makes this a bad movie.

[17:50] They kind of rob zombie eyes to the character.

[17:52] Like, he's a big lumbering idiot.

[17:54] Yeah.

[17:55] So, guys.

Dan McCoy

[17:57] Sure.

[17:57] So it's a bad movie.

[17:58] Yeah, well, there are a few things worth talking about.

[18:02] I think that one of them is that amazing sequence we talked about before

[18:07] where, for some reason, Chun-Li tracks down this woman

[18:11] who, I guess, is a bigwig in the M. Bison Crime Corporation.

[18:17] Yeah, Shadaloo.

[18:18] And figures that this is her way to get a message to M. Bison.

[18:22] And so she goes into this club,

[18:26] which is called, what, Insomnia?

[18:28] Is that what it's called?

[18:29] Yeah, you're right.

[18:30] It was called Insomnia.

Stuart Wellington

[18:31] Yeah.

[18:32] In really, like, cartoony, colorful letters.

Dan McCoy

[18:34] Yeah, in, like, burrito bar letters.

[18:36] And she walks in and she's wearing, like,

[18:38] a granny sort of outfit

[18:40] with her hair up in two sort of

[18:43] show-off lines.

Elliott Kalan

[18:44] To put it in terms that our audience will understand,

[18:47] she's dressed like Mon Mothma,

[18:48] but she has hair like Leia in the first movie.

Dan McCoy

[18:52] And she catches this woman's eye

[18:55] from across the room.

[18:56] Sure.

[18:57] And there's immediate electricity,

[18:58] I guess, that we're meant to think

[19:01] that this was her plan all along.

[19:03] I guess so.

[19:04] She's like, I've researched this lady

[19:05] and I know that she's a lesbian

[19:07] with a fetish for bun hair.

[19:09] For Leia.

[19:10] Yeah, and so...

[19:11] It was hot.

[19:11] That was a hot scene, man.

[19:12] It was hot.

[19:13] That scene in that basic instinct.

Elliott Kalan

[19:15] It was the least hot lesbian seduction scene,

[19:19] I think, ever in movie history.

Dan McCoy

[19:20] Yeah, as a straight man

[19:21] who, you know,

[19:23] sorry to our lesbian listeners,

[19:25] you know, as...

Elliott Kalan

[19:26] Yeah, sorry.

[19:27] Dan's not into you.

Dan McCoy

[19:29] He's taken.

[19:30] No, I'm saying,

[19:30] no, I'm apologizing

[19:31] to our lesbian listeners

[19:32] for doing the straight man thing

[19:34] and fetishizing lesbianism a little bit.

[19:36] Sure, like Missy Monday or something?

[19:38] Yeah, sure.

[19:40] I would normally think,

[19:41] okay, sexy scene.

[19:43] Our sexy heroine

[19:44] is going to seduce this lady.

[19:46] No, like they go,

[19:47] they sort of dance awkwardly

[19:48] around each other.

[19:49] Like really just...

Elliott Kalan

[19:50] It's almost like a lesbian seduction

[19:51] at like a seventh grade dance.

[19:53] Yeah.

[19:53] Like they don't get it

[19:55] that close to each other

[19:56] and they're kind of feel weird.

[19:57] Yeah.

[19:58] You know?

[19:58] They can't dance.

[19:59] Yeah.

[20:00] But that means...

[20:01] Electricity between them.

[20:03] Let me tell you.

[20:03] The hench lady

[20:04] or boss lady

[20:05] follows her

[20:06] into the lady's bathroom

[20:07] and then...

[20:09] Then the sparks are going to...

[20:10] Locks the door

[20:10] and you're like scissoring.

[20:11] We've all seen this porno.

[20:13] They're going to lie around

[20:13] and scissor each other.

[20:15] For some reason,

[20:15] it's assumed we'll find it sexy

[20:16] that they're having sex

[20:17] over a toilet.

[20:18] Sure.

[20:19] But no,

[20:20] that's not what happens.

Stuart Wellington

[20:22] That is the sexiest place

[20:24] to have sex.

[20:24] We've already covered that.

[20:25] It's just a bunch of fighting.

[20:28] Yeah.

[20:29] Instead of sex,

[20:30] it's a bunch of punching

[20:31] and a lot of like...

[20:32] It is one of the best fight

Dan McCoy

[20:33] scene in the movie,

[20:34] I would say.

[20:34] Guys,

[20:35] maybe that's how lesbians

[20:36] have sex.

[20:37] By punching each other.

[20:38] I don't have no personal

[20:39] first-hand experience.

[20:40] I've only seen the movies

[20:41] and those are made

[20:41] for straight guys.

[20:42] Yeah.

[20:43] So it could be

Stuart Wellington

[20:43] just a bunch of kung fu fighting.

[20:45] Yep.

[20:46] Wait,

[20:46] that's what that was?

[20:47] It looked like

[20:48] a bunch of arm bars

[20:49] and like smashing each other

[20:50] into things.

[20:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:52] Well,

[20:52] they were fighting

[20:52] in a confined space.

[20:54] It was like the fist fight

[20:54] in From Russia With Love.

[20:56] Oh, okay.

[20:56] Or the trailer

Stuart Wellington

[20:57] in Kill Bill.

[20:58] Part two.

[20:58] It was also a lot like

[20:59] that fight scene

[21:01] in the bathhouse

[21:02] in Eastern Promises.

[21:03] Yeah, yeah.

[21:04] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[21:05] Except not as sexy.

[21:06] Only that was sexier.

[21:08] Yeah, that was way sexy.

[21:08] As a straight man,

[21:09] I will say,

[21:10] seeing Megan Morgan

[21:11] seeing the back of his scrotum

[21:14] was very exciting.

[21:17] That's the best part

[21:17] of the scrotum.

[21:22] That sounds like

[21:23] you're talking about it

[21:24] like you're going to eat it.

[21:25] Yes,

[21:25] that's a cut of meat.

[21:26] That's the prized cut.

[21:28] We give that

[21:29] to the most honored guest.

[21:30] This is the filetman scrotum.

Stuart Wellington

[21:34] So yeah,

[21:34] that scene was really good.

[21:36] You were talking earlier

[21:37] about how

[21:39] this movie plays

[21:41] it kind of loose

[21:43] with the ethnicity

[21:45] of its actors.

Elliott Kalan

[21:46] Yeah, the main,

[21:47] the lead actress,

[21:47] so I guess

[21:48] Dan looked up

[21:49] on Wikipedia,

[21:49] I guess,

[21:50] and she is half Chinese,

[21:51] but she really doesn't look it.

[21:54] And, you know,

[21:55] the main character,

[21:56] the main villain,

[21:57] he operates out of Hong Kong,

[21:59] but he's supposed to be Irish,

[22:02] like he's white.

Dan McCoy

[22:03] As you pointed out

[22:04] before we really got into it,

[22:06] into things,

[22:07] so I think that the audience

[22:08] may have missed it.

[22:08] Oh.

[22:09] He does have an Irish accent,

[22:10] despite coming to China

[22:12] as a baby.

[22:12] Despite being a baby.

[22:13] Yeah, despite growing up,

Elliott Kalan

[22:14] well, Thailand.

[22:15] Despite growing up in Thailand,

[22:17] he has an Irish accent

[22:18] because his parents were Irish,

[22:19] so I guess it's genetic.

[22:20] And Hiram Gringold,

[22:21] or whatever her name is,

[22:23] Blood Goods,

[22:24] she has,

[22:24] she does not,

[22:27] she looks like maybe she's,

[22:28] I mean,

[22:29] I don't know what her ethnicity is,

[22:30] but she does not look Thai,

[22:33] like Chris Klein is the other hero.

[22:35] What's weird is he works

[22:36] for Interpol,

[22:37] but he's not English?

[22:38] Yeah.

[22:39] All the ethnicities are weird,

[22:40] but it's also one of these,

[22:41] maybe she was trying to do

[22:42] an English accent.

[22:42] She's like Native American.

[22:42] Maybe.

Stuart Wellington

[22:43] I don't think you walk around

[22:44] with a name like Blood Good,

[22:46] and not being.

Elliott Kalan

[22:46] That might not be her real name.

[22:48] Something tells me Blood Good

[22:49] might not be her real last name.

Stuart Wellington

[22:50] That's just her vampire name.

Elliott Kalan

[22:51] Sure.

[22:52] But it's one of these,

[22:52] it's very much like movies from the 30s,

[22:56] like The Hatchet Man,

[22:57] or The Good Earth,

[22:58] where the main characters

[22:59] are supposed to be Asian,

[23:01] but they're played by white

[23:02] or white-looking actors.

[23:03] And then in the back,

[23:04] you have real Asian people

[23:05] who are extras,

[23:06] who don't say anything.

[23:08] And it's just weird

[23:08] that in a movie made,

[23:10] I guess what,

[23:10] they made it in 2008,

[23:12] that,

[23:13] about a character named Chun-Li,

[23:15] who's Chinese,

[23:15] that you don't have

[23:16] a Chinese actress,

[23:17] and if it's in Thailand,

[23:18] you don't have like,

[23:20] a Thai actress.

[23:21] It was just very weird,

[23:22] like,

[23:22] as if audiences today

[23:23] will not go to see

[23:25] movies with Asian characters

[23:26] or something.

Stuart Wellington

[23:27] Yeah,

[23:27] and it's not like the movie,

[23:28] like,

[23:28] theoretically,

[23:29] if you're making a movie

[23:30] based on Street Fighter,

[23:31] I mean,

[23:32] there's,

[23:33] I'm guessing,

[23:33] a relatively large Asian market

[23:35] for this sort of thing.

[23:36] I would think so.

[23:37] Because,

[23:37] I mean,

[23:38] that's all those guys

[23:39] I see playing the fucking thing

[23:40] down at the arcade.

[23:41] Well,

[23:41] it does seem like

[23:42] an odd choice.

[23:44] Ethnographer,

[23:45] Stuart Wellington.

Dan McCoy

[23:46] It does seem like

[23:46] an odd choice

[23:47] on another level

[23:48] that they didn't go out

[23:49] and get,

[23:49] like,

[23:50] a Hong Kong action star

[23:51] to play this role.

[23:53] Instead,

[23:53] they're like,

[23:53] Like Jackie Chan?

[23:54] Yeah,

[23:55] Jackie Chan and Dre.

[23:56] Some like it Chun-Li hot.

[23:58] A female action star,

[23:59] Stuart.

[24:00] Chun like it hot.

Stuart Wellington

[24:01] No,

[24:01] that's good.

[24:02] I like it.

[24:02] You guys are fighting

Dan McCoy

[24:03] for best jokes tonight,

[24:04] I guess.

[24:06] Anyway,

[24:07] let me say what I was

[24:08] going to say

[24:08] before Elliot injected

[24:10] that hilarious pun.

[24:12] Like,

[24:12] they could have gotten

[24:13] someone,

[24:14] you know,

[24:14] of the correct

[24:15] ethnicity who could

[24:16] also fight,

[24:17] but instead they're like,

[24:17] Let's get that girl

[24:18] from Smallville

[24:19] and like cut it together

[24:21] with a stunt double.

[24:23] Why not get,

Elliott Kalan

[24:24] what's her name

[24:24] from Crouching Tiger

[24:25] and Dragon?

[24:27] Which one?

[24:28] Zhang Jimmy.

[24:29] Oh, yeah.

[24:30] I don't remember

[24:30] how to pronounce her name.

[24:31] Yeah,

[24:31] I bet you could do that stuff.

[24:32] Not Michelle Yeoh,

[24:33] she's too old for the role.

[24:34] Yeah.

[24:34] Unfortunately.

[24:35] But like a young Michelle Yeoh.

[24:37] Yeah.

[24:38] Like super cop era.

[24:39] A Michelle Yeoh type.

Stuart Wellington

[24:39] Okay,

[24:40] so now you're doing

[24:41] like Wizard Magazine

[24:42] style casting.

[24:43] Well,

[24:43] that would be,

Elliott Kalan

[24:44] yeah,

[24:44] where you cast it

[24:45] just based on

[24:46] what someone looks like.

[24:47] For Venom,

[24:48] Eddie Brock's a big guy

[24:49] and he's blonde,

[24:50] so Howie Long

[24:51] is a definite.

[24:52] Gambit would be

[24:53] Jean-Claude Van Damme,

[24:54] of course.

[24:55] Wolverine,

[24:55] Glenn Danzig.

[24:56] Sure,

[24:57] let's take them all off.

[24:58] I don't remember

[24:59] who else they had.

[24:59] Peter Weller should be

[25:01] Vision because he was

Stuart Wellington

[25:02] awesome as Robocop.

[25:06] And we have our movie.

[25:07] Captain America would,

Elliott Kalan

[25:08] of course,

[25:08] be Howie Long.

[25:09] I am in support.

[25:10] Two roles.

[25:11] Two roles.

[25:11] It's a tour de force

[25:13] for Howie Long

[25:14] in Marvel Comics,

[25:17] the movie.

Dan McCoy

[25:17] He's not really doing anything.

[25:19] I mean,

[25:19] he's not since his ads

[25:20] with Terry Hatcher.

[25:21] He's in ads with somebody else now

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] and it feels like

[25:23] he's cheating on Terry Hatcher.

[25:26] I love those ads

[25:27] because it was like,

[25:28] are we supposed to believe

[25:29] they're married?

[25:29] Or they're roommates?

[25:32] I would see those ads

Dan McCoy

[25:34] and I had no idea

[25:36] who Howie Long was.

[25:38] And so like,

[25:39] He's a football star.

[25:41] Duh.

[25:41] Star of Firestorm.

[25:44] Stuart,

[25:45] you haven't met me before.

[25:46] You are aware

[25:47] that I would not know

[25:48] a football star.

Elliott Kalan

[25:49] Secondary role

[25:49] in Broken Arrow.

Dan McCoy

[25:50] But that's the thing.

[25:52] Years later,

[25:52] I learned that they weren't married.

[25:53] I'm like,

[25:54] what?

[25:55] Why were they

[25:56] in those commercials together?

[25:57] They were cheating

[25:58] on their spouses.

[25:58] It doesn't make any sense.

Stuart Wellington

[26:00] That was like right after

[26:01] Lois and Clark too.

[26:02] It was,

Dan McCoy

[26:02] yeah.

[26:04] Terry Hatcher calls those

Elliott Kalan

[26:05] her years in the wilderness.

[26:07] Sure.

[26:08] Between Lois and Clark

[26:09] and Desperate Housewives.

[26:10] Heaven's Prisoners years?

[26:11] Heaven's Prisoners

[26:12] is somewhere around there.

[26:12] Gross.

[26:13] All right.

[26:15] Thumbs down on her

Dan McCoy

[26:16] on that movie.

[26:17] Grody.

[26:18] Let's just think about

[26:19] the cool surface.

[26:20] How about that?

[26:20] Let's not.

[26:21] All right.

[26:22] So here's something else

[26:23] that bothers me

[26:24] about this movie.

[26:25] So apparently

[26:26] Jin.

[26:28] Gan.

[26:29] Gem?

[26:30] In the holograms.

[26:32] Jim is my name.

[26:33] No one else is the same.

[26:35] Jim is my name.

[26:36] Jim.

[26:37] So the sensei.

[26:38] Yeah.

[26:38] Sure.

[26:39] His character.

[26:40] Apparently he's got

[26:40] magic powers.

[26:42] Yeah,

[26:42] he can make hadoukens

[26:43] and heal people.

[26:44] He can do that

[26:45] and he can like

[26:45] heal cuts.

[26:46] He's like a Scientologist.

Elliott Kalan

[26:48] He uses his mind power.

[26:49] Yeah.

[26:49] He's got a fucking

[26:50] sweet apartment.

Dan McCoy

[26:51] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[26:51] he's got a real nice

[26:52] loft space.

[26:53] Until,

Elliott Kalan

[26:53] I mean,

[26:53] obviously it doesn't

[26:54] have a lot of

[26:55] missile protection.

[26:55] Until Michael Clark

[26:56] Duncan blows it up.

[26:57] Oh yeah,

[26:57] Michael Clark Duncan's

[26:58] in this movie too.

[26:59] I just feel like

[27:00] if he has magic powers

[27:01] then things should be

[27:02] a lot simpler than they are.

[27:03] Well,

[27:03] it's kind of like

[27:04] D-Wars,

[27:05] Dragon Wars,

[27:06] where Robert Forster

[27:07] has these amazing

[27:08] magic powers

[27:09] but all he does

[27:10] is appear occasionally

[27:12] and pull the hero

[27:12] out of jams

[27:13] but it's very obvious

[27:14] that Robert Forster

[27:15] could solve the problem

[27:16] all by himself.

[27:18] Like he's got magic powers.

[27:20] Yeah.

[27:20] Gen can kind of do this.

[27:22] He doesn't need

[27:23] Chun-Li at all.

[27:24] No.

[27:25] I like to think

Stuart Wellington

[27:25] that he's obsessed

[27:26] with the idea

[27:27] of getting somebody

[27:27] else to do it.

[27:29] So he's like lazy.

[27:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:32] He'll put in the

[27:34] months,

[27:35] we have to assume,

[27:35] of training but...

[27:37] Well,

[27:37] he's motivated

[27:38] but he doesn't like

[27:38] leaving his house.

[27:40] Maybe he's agoraphobic.

Elliott Kalan

[27:41] Maybe that's what it is.

[27:42] One of my favorite scenes...

[27:43] Well,

[27:43] he does have a really nice house.

[27:44] One of my favorite scenes

[27:45] in the movie,

[27:46] Chun-Li first encounters Gen.

[27:47] He's being beaten up

[27:48] on a subway platform

[27:49] and she saves him

[27:51] but she doesn't see his face

[27:52] and then later...

[27:53] You see his spider tattoo

[27:55] on his hand.

[27:56] This is five minutes

[27:56] into the movie.

[27:57] Five minutes in.

[27:58] Then about eight minutes in,

[27:59] ten minutes in,

[28:00] she goes to a marketplace

[28:02] and bumps into a janitor

[28:04] sweeping the sidewalk

[28:05] and she notices

[28:05] he has the same

[28:06] spider web tattoo.

[28:07] He can't get around this guy.

Stuart Wellington

[28:08] He moves so quick

[28:08] like a dancer.

[28:09] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:11] But then

[28:11] she goes into a store

[28:13] feet away

[28:14] and the woman says,

[28:16] you need to find Gen,

[28:17] the man with the spider web tattoo

[28:19] and you have to go to Bangkok.

[28:21] And then the next scene

[28:22] is her leaving her house

[28:23] and flying to Bangkok.

[28:24] It's like,

[28:25] that dude was just...

[28:26] He's just a couple feet away.

[28:27] He's sweeping the ground

[28:28] right outside the store.

Stuart Wellington

[28:29] And as soon as she shows it,

[28:30] she mentions it

[28:31] and shows the tattoo,

[28:33] they of course have a flashback

[28:35] that's like sepia-toned

[28:37] of her seeing the guy

[28:39] with the tattoo

[28:39] from three minutes ago.

[28:42] Yeah.

[28:42] Are they expecting

[28:43] the audience to be like,

[28:44] oh, but he had the tattoo.

[28:49] Oh, I see what they did.

[28:50] That's amazing.

[28:51] They expect that

Elliott Kalan

[28:51] the audience spends

[28:52] so much of its brain power

[28:53] remembering combos

[28:54] that it cannot

[28:56] take in plot developments.

Dan McCoy

[28:58] I think that the audience

[28:59] for the Flophouse

[28:59] does not realize

[29:00] what we now know

[29:02] to be true

[29:02] having had to watch all these,

[29:05] which is the extreme

[29:07] commonness of flashbacks

[29:10] to things that happened

[29:11] five minutes before.

[29:13] Yeah.

[29:13] Like if you only watch

[29:14] good movies,

[29:15] you would not be aware

[29:16] that this is a thing.

[29:17] But having watched

[29:18] so many bad movies,

[29:19] there's so many flashbacks.

[29:20] Like no one making

[29:21] a bad movie...

[29:22] To footage from earlier

[29:23] in the film.

[29:23] Yeah.

[29:23] No one making a bad movie

[29:24] has any faith

[29:26] in the audience's

[29:27] short-term memory.

[29:28] Like, I mean,

[29:29] I guess maybe

[29:31] they're all stoned.

[29:32] Maybe they all have

[29:32] bad short-term

[29:33] members themselves.

Elliott Kalan

[29:35] I think they expect

[29:36] this movie is bad.

[29:37] Only stupid people

[29:38] will see this movie.

[29:39] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[29:40] Yeah, that's about it.

[29:40] Do you think

[29:41] like test audiences

[29:42] insisted that they

[29:43] add in those flashbacks?

[29:45] I think test audiences

[29:45] were like,

[29:46] whoa, whoa,

[29:47] wait a minute.

Elliott Kalan

[29:48] This guy with the

[29:50] cobweb hand

[29:50] came out of nowhere.

[29:52] How would this

[29:53] foreshadow that?

Dan McCoy

[29:55] Test audiences

[29:56] gave this movie

[29:57] an A+.

[29:58] Like, it's testing

[30:00] through the roof.

[30:01] This is doing great.

[30:02] It never had

[30:02] such a great response.

Elliott Kalan

[30:04] The dials were actually

[30:05] set backwards

[30:06] by accident.

[30:07] So everyone was going,

[30:09] boo, terrible.

[30:10] But it was registering

[30:11] as fantastic.

[30:13] Best movie ever.

Dan McCoy

[30:15] We haven't really

[30:16] talked about

[30:17] comparing this movie

[30:18] to

[30:19] Street Fighter,

[30:20] the old one

[30:21] with Raul Julia

[30:22] and Jump on the game.

[30:23] I can't join in

[30:24] because I've not

[30:25] seen that old one.

[30:26] I haven't seen it

[30:26] since I was a kid.

[30:27] I haven't seen it

[30:28] since it was

[30:28] in the movie theater.

Elliott Kalan

[30:29] Raul Julia

[30:30] and Neil McDonough

[30:30] have very different

[30:31] ways of playing

[30:32] M. Bison.

Stuart Wellington

[30:33] The same character, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] Yeah, Neil McDonough

[30:34] is more of a

[30:35] evil businessman,

[30:38] whereas Raul Julia

[30:39] is more of a

[30:40] kind of like

[30:42] Stalin,

[30:43] Mao type character.

Stuart Wellington

[30:44] Yeah, he also,

[30:45] there was a certain

[30:46] fatalism in Raul Julia's

[30:48] performance.

[30:49] Like, obviously,

[30:50] now we know why.

[30:52] But, yeah,

[30:53] it was,

[30:54] but there's this,

[30:56] you know,

[30:56] there's this,

[30:57] like,

[30:57] almost a sadness

[30:58] that kind of

[30:58] hangs over him.

[30:59] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[31:00] Well, there's,

[31:01] he definitely,

[31:01] he brings more

[31:03] to the role

[31:03] just by virtue

[31:04] of being Raul Julia.

[31:05] Yeah.

[31:06] And, I mean,

[31:07] I think,

[31:08] the sheer Raul Julia-ness.

[31:09] Combined with the fact

[31:09] that, I mean,

Stuart Wellington

[31:10] his opponent,

[31:13] like his nemesis,

[31:14] adds weight to him.

[31:15] You know,

[31:16] when his bad guy,

[31:17] like, the good guy

[31:18] that he's fighting

[31:18] is Jean-Claude Van Damme

[31:19] as opposed to

[31:20] JCVD.

[31:21] Yeah, as opposed to

[31:22] some chick from Smallville.

[31:23] Like, that makes him

Elliott Kalan

[31:24] seem more badass,

[31:26] you know?

[31:26] It is weird, though,

[31:27] the part where

[31:27] Jean-Claude Van Damme

[31:28] starts speaking French

[31:29] and M. Bison goes,

[31:30] oh, mi amor,

[31:31] and starts kissing up

[31:32] his arm.

[31:33] That's weird.

Stuart Wellington

[31:35] That was a little weird.

[31:37] They didn't do that

[31:38] in this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[31:38] No.

[31:39] Raul Julia is an

[31:39] interesting case

[31:40] because he's a very

[31:41] good actor

[31:41] that nobody can seem

[31:42] to remember any of

[31:43] the movies that he made.

[31:45] So it's like,

[31:45] Raul Julia,

[31:46] oh, he was a great actor.

[31:47] Adam's Family,

[31:48] Adam's Family of the Values,

[31:50] Kiss of the Spider-Woman,

[31:52] maybe they don't remember

[31:53] Kiss of the Spider-Woman.

Dan McCoy

[31:54] That was his big,

[31:55] like, prestige.

[31:57] Adam's Family.

[31:58] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:01] Adam's Family is the role

[32:02] he will forever

[32:02] be associated with.

[32:03] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[32:04] No, I was going to say,

[32:05] or Three Penny Opera.

[32:07] We have not talked about

[32:08] Chris Klein's

[32:09] tour de force performance.

[32:11] Yeah, he's fucking

[32:11] incredible in this movie.

[32:13] This is,

Elliott Kalan

[32:14] I didn't realize

[32:14] Chris Klein could play

[32:15] another character,

Stuart Wellington

[32:16] but what a character.

[32:17] You know,

[32:17] you see,

[32:18] you think Chris Klein,

[32:19] you're like,

[32:19] I imagine dopey guy,

[32:21] maybe dopey jock.

[32:22] Sure.

[32:23] Not so in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[32:24] You're,

[32:25] you're,

[32:26] you know,

[32:27] non-union

[32:27] Keanu Reeves.

[32:29] Sure.

[32:30] I like him more

[32:31] than Keanu Reeves.

[32:31] Yeah?

[32:32] Yeah.

[32:33] Hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] We learned a little bit

[32:35] about Elliot today.

[32:36] Well,

[32:36] I don't like Keanu Reeves

[32:37] very much.

[32:37] Is it,

[32:38] is it like the,

[32:38] the like,

[32:39] eroticism and manly

[32:40] sensuality he brings

[32:41] to the role?

[32:43] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[32:43] it's almost,

[32:44] it's the exact opposite

[32:45] of that,

[32:45] actually.

[32:45] Like,

[32:46] he's so bland

[32:47] that he brings,

[32:47] makes blandness

[32:48] into a part of the character

[32:49] almost.

[32:49] What,

[32:50] kind of like Paul Walker?

[32:51] Paul Walker is genuinely bland.

[32:53] Yeah.

[32:53] Okay.

[32:54] But anyway,

[32:54] Chris Klein is trying so hard

Dan McCoy

[32:56] not to be bland

[32:56] in this role.

Elliott Kalan

[32:57] Yeah,

[32:58] Chris Walker as Nash

[32:59] is,

[33:00] he is like constantly

[33:01] moving around in weird ways,

[33:03] looking at things

[33:04] in crazy ways.

Dan McCoy

[33:05] Glowering into the camera.

Elliott Kalan

[33:06] He delivers all of his lines

[33:08] as if they are

[33:08] the wittiest,

[33:10] toughest things

[33:11] that this,

[33:11] like,

[33:12] sarcastic but sexy detective

[33:14] could be saying,

[33:15] you know.

[33:16] He thinks he's in a,

[33:16] like,

[33:17] in a,

[33:17] in a episode of Californication

[33:19] it feels like,

[33:19] you know.

Dan McCoy

[33:20] Well,

[33:20] he also like,

[33:21] the character I think

[33:22] is conceived as if

[33:24] this guy,

[33:24] oh,

[33:25] he hasn't showered

[33:25] in a couple days,

[33:27] you know,

[33:27] he's fished some coffee

[33:28] out of the garbage

[33:30] to drink in the morning,

[33:31] like,

[33:32] he's had five cigarettes

[33:34] before breakfast,

[33:35] but he looks like

[33:36] the Disney version of that,

[33:37] like,

[33:38] he's been scrubbed

[33:39] and then some,

[33:40] like,

[33:40] careful oil

[33:41] has been applied

[33:41] to his hair,

[33:42] you know.

Stuart Wellington

[33:43] And then every once in a while

[33:44] it seems like he's,

[33:45] like,

[33:45] his line delivery

[33:46] feels like he's channeling

[33:47] Sean Hayes or something.

[33:49] It just gets way too

[33:50] offending.

[33:50] You are really obsessed

[33:51] with Sean Hayes.

[33:52] Because he is,

[33:53] that dude is fucking

[33:55] hilarious.

[33:56] You bring up Sean Hayes.

[33:58] He is so funny.

Elliott Kalan

[34:01] There's a great moment

[34:02] where Chris Klein

[34:03] is being sarcastic.

[34:05] They have encountered

[34:06] Chun-Li,

[34:07] she's escaping from

[34:08] the nightclub

[34:08] and she runs through

[34:09] a strip club

[34:09] and while she's there

[34:11] she knocks out

[34:11] a bunch of gunmen

[34:12] by kicking them

[34:13] while swinging around

[34:13] the stripper pole.

[34:15] Again,

Dan McCoy

[34:16] sounds more exciting

[34:17] than it is.

Elliott Kalan

[34:17] Yeah,

[34:18] it's really not.

[34:19] And Moon Bloodgood

[34:20] says to him,

[34:21] like,

[34:22] maybe she's just

[34:22] an angry stripper

[34:23] and Chris Klein's like,

[34:24] oh yeah,

[34:25] an irate pole dancer

[34:27] decided to go ahead!

[34:30] And it's like,

[34:31] sorry,

[34:31] the levels are off the charts.

[34:32] Your hand motions

[34:33] definitely aren't captured.

[34:35] But it's literally like,

[34:37] you were saying

[34:37] when we were watching the movie,

[34:38] it's like the director said,

[34:39] here you're being sarcastic

[34:40] and Chris Klein was like,

[34:41] no, I got it.

[34:42] I've been practicing.

Dan McCoy

[34:43] Yeah,

[34:44] I know how to do this.

[34:45] I got this one,

[34:46] coach.

Elliott Kalan

[34:46] So really,

[34:47] there's a big,

[34:48] like,

[34:49] it is the most

[34:50] ridiculous sarcasm.

Stuart Wellington

[34:53] Oh, yeah.

[34:53] My favorite part

[34:54] was when

[34:55] all the police

[34:56] and Interpol people

[34:57] find out

[34:57] that,

[34:58] you know,

[34:59] the bad guy

[35:00] has been secretly

[35:01] buying up property

[35:02] using his

[35:03] Shell Corporation

[35:04] Esperanto course,

[35:06] Esperanto security,

Dan McCoy

[35:07] and all the police

[35:08] look out the window

[35:09] to the giant tower

Stuart Wellington

[35:10] that says

[35:11] Esperanto security.

[35:12] Right outside

[35:13] of their office.

[35:13] And then he's like,

[35:14] oh my god,

[35:15] they've been buying up property

[35:16] or whatever.

[35:17] They've been

[35:18] lowering

[35:18] the prices

[35:21] and stuff

[35:21] so they can

[35:22] buy it up cheap.

[35:23] Let's get on it!

[35:23] And they all

[35:24] run out the door.

[35:26] Yeah,

[35:26] it's like,

[35:28] where are we going?

[35:28] What are we doing?

[35:29] What happened?

[35:30] Why is...

[35:30] How do we get on it?

[35:32] How did we find this out?

[35:34] Are they running

[35:34] and go find lawyers

[35:35] or something?

Dan McCoy

[35:36] I like to imagine

[35:37] that as soon as they

[35:37] get out of the office,

[35:39] they're talking to each other,

[35:40] it's like,

[35:41] do you know what

[35:41] we're supposed to do?

[35:42] No, I don't.

[35:42] I just thought that

[35:43] it would look good

[35:44] if we ran out.

[35:45] I left my keys in there.

[35:47] I gotta go back.

[35:48] Would it be weird

[35:49] if I went...

[35:50] Maybe I should wait

[35:51] until he leaves.

[35:52] It feels like

Elliott Kalan

[35:53] there are two movies

[35:54] going on here,

[35:54] which is the very boring

[35:55] Chun-Li movie

[35:56] and then the

[35:57] kind of hilarious

[35:59] action cop spoof

[36:00] with Chris Klein

[36:01] and Moon Bloodgood

[36:02] and it's like,

[36:04] I wish it was

[36:05] all that movie.

[36:06] They are in the kind

[36:07] of movie where

[36:07] they show up

[36:09] where the villains'

[36:11] enemies have all

[36:11] been left

[36:12] on the pier

[36:13] with their heads

[36:14] cut off,

[36:14] placed on plates

[36:15] in front of them

[36:16] and they're like,

[36:17] huh,

[36:17] on their own plates

[36:18] and everything.

[36:20] Well,

[36:20] dinner's served.

[36:21] You know,

[36:22] like,

[36:22] all these made-up

[36:23] stupid,

[36:24] crappy,

[36:24] witty jokes

[36:25] and like,

[36:26] the,

[36:26] and they're just

[36:27] really over-the-top

[36:28] and dumb.

[36:29] Like,

[36:29] I wanted to watch,

[36:29] it was almost like

[36:30] someone saw

[36:31] Shoot'em Up

[36:32] and was like,

[36:33] yes,

[36:33] finally someone

[36:34] gets the way

[36:35] an action movie

[36:36] should be taken

[36:36] seriously

[36:37] and decided to

[36:38] add that into

[36:41] Legend of Chun-Li.

Dan McCoy

[36:42] Well,

[36:42] I want to address

[36:42] something that you

[36:43] briefly did before

[36:44] which was that,

[36:45] as you said,

[36:46] these are kind of

[36:46] like parallel plot lines

[36:48] and the first time

[36:49] they run into each other

[36:50] is at that,

[36:52] that fight

[36:53] in the strip club

[36:55] and they see each other

[36:56] only briefly

[36:57] before Chun-Li runs out.

[36:59] But in that moment.

[37:00] Well,

[37:01] but they don't know

[37:01] who this woman is

[37:02] at all

[37:03] and then we see

[37:07] Chris Klein

[37:08] on the computer

[37:09] looking her up.

[37:10] As you said,

[37:11] Elliot,

[37:11] he must have

[37:11] Googled her image

[37:12] since he just has

[37:14] her face in his head,

[37:16] not her name.

Elliott Kalan

[37:16] like he scanned

[37:17] his brain

[37:18] and put that picture

[37:19] into the computer

[37:20] and said,

[37:20] find this picture.

[37:21] Right.

Dan McCoy

[37:22] And so he sees

[37:23] an article about her

[37:23] being a pianist.

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] A respected pianist.

Dan McCoy

[37:27] Who has disappeared.

[37:29] And then later on...

[37:29] Every time they look

Elliott Kalan

[37:30] up the news

[37:31] in this movie,

[37:33] it is on the

[37:34] worst,

[37:34] ugliest,

[37:35] designed,

[37:36] like,

[37:36] newspaper,

[37:37] fake website.

Dan McCoy

[37:37] The biggest website

[37:38] is, like,

[37:39] all open white space

[37:41] rather than real website

[37:42] which would be

[37:43] a bunch of ads

[37:44] all over the place.

Stuart Wellington

[37:44] Big red block letters.

[37:46] Because they make

[37:46] all this big deal

[37:47] about how,

[37:48] like,

[37:49] secretive

[37:49] this Shadow Lau

[37:51] corporation is

[37:52] and the bad guy

[37:53] Bison.

[37:54] But of course,

[37:55] Chun-Li goes to,

[37:56] like,

[37:56] her local,

[37:57] like,

[37:57] library,

[37:58] internet cafe

[37:59] or something,

[38:00] immediately just Googles,

[38:02] I'm guessing,

[38:02] Shadow Lau or something,

[38:04] and immediately

[38:05] the fucking

[38:05] Neil McDonough's

[38:06] face pops up.

Elliott Kalan

[38:07] On a newspaper,

[38:08] there's, like,

[38:08] Esperanto Corps

[38:09] buying lots of property.

[38:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[38:12] But anyway,

[38:12] these two main characters

[38:14] don't know each other

[38:15] at all,

[38:16] and they've just

[38:17] run into each other

[38:18] face to face once

[38:19] and then Chris Klein

[38:19] She probably doesn't

[38:20] even know who he,

[38:21] like,

[38:22] that he's a cop.

[38:23] Yeah.

[38:23] And then all of a sudden

[38:24] at the end of the movie

[38:25] he looks like a cop.

[38:27] Yeah.

[38:27] At the end of the movie,

[38:28] all of a sudden,

[38:29] she shows up

[38:30] in his apartment

[38:31] and is like,

[38:32] I'm gonna go down

[38:33] to the docks

[38:33] and take these guys down.

[38:34] I need some backup.

[38:36] And he's like,

[38:36] alright,

Stuart Wellington

[38:37] sure,

[38:38] whatever,

[38:38] I'm on board.

[38:39] I think he said it

[38:40] probably a little bit

[38:41] wittier

[38:42] with like a weird

[38:43] leer on his face.

[38:44] Sure.

[38:45] Or a scowl.

[38:47] Oh, God.

[38:48] Great movie.

Dan McCoy

[38:50] Oh, it is a really stupid movie.

Stuart Wellington

[38:51] I think you really

[38:52] summed it up best

[38:53] in that this movie

[38:54] only makes sense

[38:54] because you've seen

[38:55] other movies.

[38:57] Like, so many decisions.

Elliott Kalan

[38:58] The plot is so,

[38:59] is by the numbers,

[39:00] but it's like they,

[39:01] it's so by the numbers

[39:02] they didn't bother

[39:03] to hit all the numbers.

[39:04] You know.

[39:05] Yeah.

[39:05] And they're just like,

[39:06] ah, the audience

[39:07] knows how movies work.

[39:09] They'll fill in the gaps.

Dan McCoy

[39:10] Yeah.

[39:11] Okay, so we're running

[39:11] over time,

[39:12] so we should do

[39:13] our final judgments

[39:13] really fast.

[39:14] Sure.

[39:15] And move on.

Elliott Kalan

[39:15] We had a lot more

[39:16] to say about this

Dan McCoy

[39:17] than I thought we would.

[39:18] So.

[39:19] Is bad.

[39:20] Yeah.

[39:20] Is this a good bad movie,

[39:21] a bad bad movie,

[39:22] or a movie that you

[39:22] kind of liked in some way?

[39:23] I will go with Elliot

[39:25] in the sense that

[39:25] if this movie was all

[39:27] about Chris Klein,

[39:28] I would think it was hilarious.

[39:30] It would be a good bad movie.

[39:31] Like, because

[39:31] it is the worst performance

[39:33] I've seen

[39:34] in a major release film

[39:36] that I can remember.

[39:37] And it's hilarious.

[39:38] But everything with

[39:39] our actual main character

[39:41] is boring, boring, boring.

[39:43] So that's what I have

[39:43] to say about it.

Stuart Wellington

[39:44] Yeah.

[39:44] Bad, bad.

[39:45] I agree.

[39:46] I'm going to go good bad

[39:47] on this one because

[39:47] Whoa!

[39:48] Because everything

[39:50] about this movie

[39:51] is so stupid

[39:52] and terrible

[39:53] that it makes it

[39:55] kind of fun to watch it

[39:56] because it's so dumb.

[39:57] Okay, it was a good movie

[39:58] to make fun of.

[39:59] I'll give you that.

[39:59] Yeah, that's...

[40:00] And it's...

[40:00] Oh, what were you going to say?

[40:01] That's all I was going to say.

Elliott Kalan

[40:02] And it's only 95 minutes long

[40:03] so it's not like

[40:04] 7 pounds

[40:05] which was roughly

[40:06] 18 hours long.

Stuart Wellington

[40:07] Yeah.

[40:08] And felt like

Dan McCoy

[40:09] 49 hours long.

[40:11] So before we get

[40:12] into our recommendations

[40:13] we should

[40:13] talk about the

[40:15] contest.

[40:17] The flop of the flopper

[40:18] contest.

[40:19] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[40:19] The contest.

[40:20] The classic Seinfeld episode.

[40:22] Yeah.

[40:22] That's been sweeping

[40:23] the nation.

Dan McCoy

[40:25] We got a record

[40:26] turnout of entries

[40:28] this year

[40:28] in the contest.

[40:29] I think we got

[40:30] one and then

[40:31] one guy who maybe

[40:32] was entering

[40:32] but didn't make it clear.

[40:34] And so

[40:34] congratulations Dash.

[40:37] You've won the

[40:38] contest.

[40:39] Wait, did you say Nash?

Elliott Kalan

[40:40] No.

[40:40] Chris Klein's

[40:41] great character

[40:42] from The Legend of Chun-Li?

Dan McCoy

[40:43] No, I said Dash

[40:44] the character

[40:44] from The Incredibles.

[40:45] Oh, okay.

[40:46] Never mind.

[40:47] Congratulations Dash.

[40:48] If you're out there

[40:49] get in touch with us

[40:50] at theflophousepodcast

[40:51] at gmail.com

[40:53] Do what you can

[40:55] to prove to me

[40:56] that you're not

[40:56] a crazy person

[40:57] since we are going

[40:58] to invite you

[40:59] to spend time with us.

[41:01] Yeah, or be crazy.

[41:02] Yeah.

[41:03] And we'll work out

[41:05] the details

[41:06] of you

[41:07] coming

[41:08] for one of these podcasts.

[41:09] Hanging out.

[41:10] Yeah.

[41:10] Seeing how the magic happens.

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] Yeah.

[41:13] Oh, I can taste

[41:14] the Popeyes already.

[41:15] Maybe he'll get lucky

[41:16] and get to watch

Dan McCoy

[41:19] the Wolverine movie

[41:20] with us.

Elliott Kalan

[41:21] Yeah, we could always

[41:22] put a hold on that one

[41:23] until...

[41:23] Yeah, I can't wait.

[41:25] We can see Wolverine

[41:27] briefly as a Civil War soldier

[41:28] in the opening credits.

[41:31] Oh, stop teasing me.

Dan McCoy

[41:33] So now we should

[41:34] talk about movies

[41:35] that we actually

[41:36] liked in some way.

[41:37] Okay.

[41:38] Recommendations.

[41:39] Anyone want to start?

Stuart Wellington

[41:41] Yeah, sure.

[41:42] I was really sick last week.

[41:44] So I was, you know,

[41:46] I was watching some movies

[41:47] and I watched

[41:48] the movie Double Impact

[41:50] starring Jean-Claude Van Damme

[41:52] in both of the starring roles.

[41:54] Mm-hmm.

[41:55] Yeah.

[41:56] And Bolo Young

[41:57] is the bad guy.

[41:59] There's some good fighting.

[42:02] There's a couple

[42:03] pretty good boob shots.

[42:05] Sure.

[42:05] All together.

[42:06] Yeah, all together.

[42:07] Like, and I kind of

[42:08] built those boobs

[42:09] that boob shot up

[42:10] in my head

[42:10] when I was a kid.

[42:11] You built those boobs?

[42:12] Yeah.

[42:12] I built them up

[42:13] in my head.

[42:14] I didn't, like,

[42:14] build them out of Legos

[42:15] or, like, paper

[42:17] papier-mache.

[42:18] Uh-huh.

[42:20] But, yeah, you know,

[42:22] it was a good flick.

[42:24] All right.

[42:24] Thumbs up.

Elliott Kalan

[42:27] That's not the one with...

[42:28] Double Impact.

[42:29] What's the...

[42:29] Is it Maximum...

[42:30] What's the one

[42:31] with Species in it?

Dan McCoy

[42:32] Maximum Overdrive.

[42:33] What?

Elliott Kalan

[42:34] What's the one

[42:34] with the girl

[42:34] from Species in it

[42:35] with Jean-Claude Van Damme?

[42:37] I have no idea.

[42:38] Not Double Impact,

[42:39] though, right?

[42:39] No.

[42:40] Okay.

[42:40] Maybe Lionheart?

[42:42] Yeah.

[42:43] Oh, it's the quest.

[42:44] That's what it is.

[42:45] Sure.

[42:46] The Legionnaire.

[42:47] It's like Maximum Blowhard

[42:48] or something.

[42:49] Okay.

[42:50] I haven't seen that one.

[42:51] You're thinking of Lorenzo's Oil.

Dan McCoy

[42:53] Lorenzo's Oil.

Elliott Kalan

[42:54] No, not Sudden Death.

[42:55] Well, anyway,

[42:56] it doesn't matter.

[42:56] Walk in the clouds.

[42:57] Uh-huh.

[42:58] Walk in the...

[42:59] Jean-Claude Van Damme

[43:00] in a walk in the...

[43:01] Like water for chocolate.

[43:02] Death of a salesman.

[43:04] Like water for chocolate.

Dan McCoy

[43:06] So I was sort of sick today,

[43:09] so I had a little extra time.

Elliott Kalan

[43:11] You guys were both sick.

[43:12] Did you guys have a touch

[43:12] of the swine flu?

Dan McCoy

[43:14] Well, we made out.

[43:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:16] Oh.

[43:16] The mumps.

Stuart Wellington

[43:17] No, I mean,

[43:18] I don't think I had the swine flu.

[43:19] Mine was more pooping-based.

Dan McCoy

[43:21] Yeah.

[43:22] Mine's...

[43:22] Swine poop.

[43:23] Mine's totally sinus.

[43:24] No, it's not out.

Stuart Wellington

[43:25] Yeah.

[43:26] So I don't think we had the same thing

[43:27] because I just pooped a lot.

[43:29] Did you?

Dan McCoy

[43:30] Did you poop a lot, Dan?

[43:31] I would like to just recommend my movie,

[43:33] which is...

[43:34] It's called Poop,

[43:35] and it's...

[43:36] I watched...

[43:37] Everybody poops the movie.

[43:40] It's...

Stuart Wellington

[43:40] Star and Keanu Reeves.

[43:41] 89 minutes of just people sitting on the floor.

[43:45] It's like one of those

[43:45] Faces of Death things,

[43:46] but with pooping.

Dan McCoy

[43:48] I watched Trick or Treat

[43:49] like you did last week, Stuart.

[43:52] Yeah, man.

[43:52] And I enjoyed it.

[43:53] I think I enjoyed it even more than you did.

[43:55] What?

[43:56] But I'm not recommending it

[43:57] because that would be a redundant recommendation.

[43:59] Sure.

[44:00] Repeat recommendation.

[44:02] I also watched Roman Polanski's Repulsion,

[44:05] but I don't think that that needs to be recommended to anyone.

[44:08] It's a classic film.

[44:09] A lot of people know about it.

[44:10] A lot of build-up to the movie you're going to recommend.

[44:13] I just don't want to leave anyone out.

[44:15] I don't want Roman Polanski to feel bad

[44:17] that I didn't mention Repulsion.

[44:18] Roman Polanski has a lot to feel bad about.

[44:21] Yeah, well, that's why I don't want to add to it, Elliot.

[44:25] But...

Elliott Kalan

[44:25] Huh-huh.

[44:26] Why did Dan?

[44:27] I mentioned Repulsion.

[44:28] It's not even French.

[44:30] I don't know why he had a French accent.

Dan McCoy

[44:31] Yeah.

[44:32] But I'm going to recommend Vampires.

[44:35] That's Vampires with a Y.

[44:37] It was made during the brief, or not so brief,

[44:41] 1970s craze for lesbian vampire films.

[44:46] And of all the lesbian vampire films I've seen,

[44:49] I think I would place it at the top.

[44:51] Sure.

[44:52] I put it above Vampire Lovers,

[44:55] which is probably number two.

[44:56] What about Embracing the Vampire?

[44:57] Isn't that a little...

[44:58] Above Daughters of Darkness.

[44:59] What about Emmanuel meets Dracula?

[45:01] Which is number three.

[45:02] How does that turn out?

[45:03] Also above Vampiros Lesbos.

[45:05] Emmanuel wins.

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] No shit.

[45:06] It's a pretty weak vampire.

[45:07] A pretty weak Dracula.

[45:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:09] But, yeah, I liked it better than those other ones.

Elliott Kalan

[45:12] Didn't Misty Monday make a Dracula movie?

[45:14] Or a vampire movie?

Dan McCoy

[45:15] Daughters of Dracula, I think.

[45:17] Oh, you said that already.

[45:18] I guess I...

[45:19] No, I guess that would be the fifth lesbian vampire film

[45:21] that I've seen.

[45:23] But of all of those...

[45:24] Where does that one rank?

[45:25] That's probably number five.

[45:26] It's not...

[45:27] No, that's too bad.

[45:28] It's more of a soft-core porn film

[45:31] than a vampire movie.

[45:32] Still counts.

[45:32] To be honest.

Stuart Wellington

[45:33] Yeah, I mean, I don't know...

[45:35] I'd like to find out your ranking...

[45:37] Like, how you rank things now.

[45:38] We'll talk about that later.

[45:39] What's the criteria?

[45:39] I'll send you a chart.

Dan McCoy

[45:40] I'll send you an Excel chart after the podcast.

[45:43] But it feels kind of like a hammer horror film,

[45:46] but not as incredibly slow

[45:48] as many hammer horror films can be.

[45:50] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[45:51] It's from the same...

[45:52] MC Hammer horror film.

[45:53] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[45:54] It's from the same period,

[45:56] but it was, I think, a Spanish production

[45:58] that was trying to borrow some of the same feel.

[46:02] And it has a lot of long sequences

[46:05] where nothing happens

[46:06] and it's just atmospheric, but...

[46:08] Keep selling it.

[46:10] In general, I think it's pretty solid.

[46:13] I mean, if you want to see an exploitation film

[46:15] that has a few actual haunting images

[46:18] and also lesbian vampires,

[46:20] I recommend vampires with a Y.

[46:22] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[46:24] And now, that's V-A-M-P-Y-R-E-S.

[46:27] The title isn't vampires with a Y.

Dan McCoy

[46:29] No.

[46:30] No, it's also not vampires at the Y.

[46:32] That'd be a good movie.

[46:34] A good movie.

[46:34] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:35] I'll recommend two movies.

[46:37] One is in the theaters right now,

[46:39] and that is a movie

[46:41] that a lot of people have not liked,

[46:43] but I did, called Where Wild Things Are,

[46:45] that I thought was very good,

[46:48] very well done.

[46:49] It is not a fun movie

[46:49] and not necessarily enjoyable

[46:52] to sit through at times,

[46:53] but it's a very emotionally honest movie,

[46:56] it feels like,

[46:57] and I like the way they did it a lot.

[46:58] But there are some, like,

[46:59] twee Spike Jonze touches

[47:01] that are kind of irritating.

[47:02] But overall, I said A-plus, kind of.

[47:06] Okay.

[47:06] And the other movie is not in the theaters now

[47:08] and hasn't been for 70 years,

[47:11] and that is John Ford's Stagecoach,

[47:13] which I recently watched again

[47:16] so that I could edit it down

[47:17] to about seven minutes,

[47:19] and watching it again,

[47:20] I was like,

[47:20] this is a really good movie.

[47:21] Like, I'd forgotten how fun it is,

[47:23] and it's a really fantastic movie.

Dan McCoy

[47:25] That also has an Irishman in it.

Elliott Kalan

[47:30] Does Stagecoach?

[47:31] Most of John Ford's movies do.

[47:33] They have Victor McLaughlin being like...

Dan McCoy

[47:34] I assumed that the drunk was an Irishman.

Elliott Kalan

[47:36] Oh, Thomas Mitchell,

[47:37] the drunk doctor?

[47:38] Yeah.

[47:39] No way.

[47:40] He's probably of English stock.

[47:42] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[47:43] Sure.

[47:43] So now what do we do?

[47:45] Now we sign off, buddy.

[47:46] Okay.

[47:47] You guys don't have any

[47:48] wacky things to plug?

[47:49] I do.

[47:50] Yeah, what are you plugging?

[47:50] You want me to plug something?

[47:51] Sure, plug something quick.

Elliott Kalan

[47:52] Well, this isn't for like another month

[47:54] after recording this,

[47:55] but my next film screening

[47:57] at the 92nd Street Wide Tribeca,

[47:59] December 2nd,

[48:00] which is a Wednesday at 8 p.m.,

[48:02] I'll be showing

[48:02] The Miracle of Morgan's Creek,

[48:04] Preston Sturgis' funniest movie,

[48:06] bar none,

[48:07] with special guest Christian Schall

[48:09] of Flight of the Conchords

[48:10] What?

[48:10] to talk with me about the movie.

[48:13] So again, that's December 2nd,

[48:15] 8 p.m.,

[48:16] 92nd Street Wide Tribeca

[48:18] if you're in the New York area,

[48:19] and if you look it up

[48:21] on 92ytribeca.org,

[48:25] I think is the website,

[48:27] or 92ytribeca.org.

Dan McCoy

[48:28] I don't know why you feel

[48:29] like you need to put this

[48:30] in the thing.

[48:31] I will add a link to it

[48:33] on the website

[48:33] and it'll make it a lot easier.

Stuart Wellington

[48:35] Some people know about it.

[48:36] Sure, and I'm going to plug

[48:37] Charlene's Bar,

[48:39] which is where I go drink

[48:41] after recording these things.

[48:43] So if you want to find Stuart,

[48:44] that's where the place to go.

[48:46] Charlene's Bar.

[48:47] Charlene's Bar,

[48:48] Flatbush in Brooklyn,

[48:49] Flatbush Avenue

[48:50] between Park and Sterling.

Elliott Kalan

[48:52] Yeah, wow.

[48:53] Dan,

[48:54] do you want to plug

[48:55] your office or something?

Dan McCoy

[48:58] My sketch group

[48:59] has a show

[49:01] in Long Island City

[49:02] that's coming up

[49:03] and that we will soon have

[49:05] a monthly show

[49:06] at the Magnet Theater,

[49:07] but I will put links

[49:09] to those on the website.

[49:10] I will not burn up

[49:11] extra tape

[49:11] talking about those right now.

[49:12] tape.

Elliott Kalan

[49:13] This is being recorded

[49:14] on a computer.

Dan McCoy

[49:15] Yeah, but...

[49:16] It's on the internet,

[49:16] isn't it?

[49:17] As I've pointed out

[49:17] several times,

[49:18] my computer only

[49:20] takes a certain amount

[49:21] of stuff before it breaks.

[49:23] That's right.

[49:23] You guys are pushing it

[49:24] right now.

[49:25] So,

[49:25] I would like to sign off.

[49:27] My name is Dan McCoy.

[49:29] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Stuart Wellington

[49:30] I'm Elliot Kalin, too.

[49:32] Good night.

Dan McCoy

[49:33] Bye.

[49:34] Elliot Kalin, too.

[49:35] Is it Elliot Kalin,

[49:36] as well?

[49:37] So...

Elliott Kalan

[49:37] I'll let the listeners

[49:38] puzzle that one out.

Stuart Wellington

[49:44] Are we all going to dress

[49:45] it as sexy guestbusters?

Dan McCoy

[49:46] I'm Stuart.

[49:47] I'm talking.

[49:48] Blah, blah, blah.

Elliott Kalan

[49:49] Say something about your penis.

[49:51] I'm Dan.

[49:51] I'm also talking.

[49:52] I never talk about

[49:52] my fucking penis.

Dan McCoy

[49:55] Gloria Stewart or something.

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] Well, I never talk about

[49:58] glories, too.

[50:00] I thought you were

[50:01] going to do it like this.

[50:01] I'm Elliot.

[50:02] Blah, blah, blah.

Dan McCoy

[50:03] The mint apparently

[50:04] also has vitamin A,

[50:06] C, E, and zinc.

[50:07] I'm going to take one.

[50:08] Vitamin Z for zinc.

Elliott Kalan

[50:10] Come back, zinc.

[50:11] Come back.

[50:12] Come back.

[50:13] Come back, zinc.

[50:14] Zinc.

[50:15] Zinc.

[50:16] Zinc.

Dan McCoy

[50:21] It's Dan here.

[50:22] If you like listening

[50:23] to The Flophouse,

[50:24] why not visit us

[50:25] on the web

[50:25] at www.flophousepodcast.com

[50:30] where you can find

[50:31] show notes,

[50:32] videos,

[50:33] fan art,

[50:34] and links to

[50:34] Wikipedia synopses

[50:35] of all the Flophouse films

[50:37] so you can play along

[50:38] at home.

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The Flop House: Episode #49 - Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li

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