The Flop House Movie Minute #33 - Writers Guild

[0:00] it's the flophouse movie minute Dan you recently joined the Writers Guild of

[0:09] America East yes so now that means two out of the three people on this podcast

[0:14] are WGA East members so is Stuart a scab yeah that's what I was this might be a

[0:22] guild project now what do I have to do to become a guild member we've got to be

[0:26] sponsored to join the guild or asked to join the guild then there's paperwork to

[0:30] fill out have you ever worked in guild capacity during a strike did you cross

[0:35] picket lines say to work at a TV show or film now it's the 80s and the 1980s

[0:41] strike is going on I didn't do that really want to write for the facts of

[0:45] life okay true story yes but you don't want to have to go through you know abide

[0:52] by the guild strike well this is you see this is your chance there's a strike and

[0:56] I generally don't agree with the unions you know yeah well you've always been a

[0:59] union buster you remember the Pinkertons for many years you really feel like you

[1:03] have tooties voice down you actually when you I saw Norma Rae with you and

[1:07] you actually booed Norma Rae yeah and every scene you go snipers where are you

[1:13] snipers she's right there well sign up that Stuart wants snipers in every movie

[1:18] yeah that's true yeah I'm a real big sniper fan I remember this really great

[1:22] movie called I can't remember Berenger in it Billy's name Oh Titanic I think

[1:31] it's snipers such a Titanic at one point one of the snipers shoots another dude

[1:36] through the little lens thing you see you then saving Private Ryan too yeah

[1:40] but this is a little bit more interesting because the focus in this

[1:44] movie is on snipers and I think Tom Berenger did it that's like that movie

[1:48] Snipe Hunt I haven't seen that it's a it's a I have to assume from the title

[1:53] it's a TNA comedy from the 80s that sounds pretty good yeah are there

[1:57] snipers in it no but there is hunting oh that sounds pretty good actually this is

[2:03] so Snipe Hunt it's a bunch of teens like college kids who go out in the woods I

[2:07] mean they're basically teenage college kids they were right I mean they're

[2:10] they're advanced for their age yeah they're like they're legal you know sure

[2:15] to party 19 and they're old enough to party yeah and they head up to the woods

[2:21] on a snipe hunt which is really just an excuse for the guys to get into the

[2:25] pants you little handsy yeah and it stars Willie Ames and an assortment of

[2:31] girls who seem less attractive now than they did in the 80s Gretchen Maul I don't

[2:36] know how Gretchen Maul got into this is that who you think when you think 80s TNA

[2:41] comedies no I was just a name popped into my head okay it's like the Stay

[2:45] Puft Marshmallow Man well enough joviality are you gonna join the guild

[2:48] uh yeah what do I have to do do I have to do like push-ups or yeah perfect

[2:54] push-ups in fact perfect push-ups I think I got that covered now do I have

[2:57] to be able to do soft shoe properly yes soft shoe hard shoe intermediate shoe

[3:02] okay all many different kinds of shoes sure and what you had to do all this

[3:07] when you I was brought in by a mason okay yeah the wheels were grease Dan was

[3:14] grandfathered in and that his grandson was already a member of the group okay

[3:17] so my first step is what usually is writing something okay I have to write

[3:23] something in my case that was not part of pencil duh yeah well what okay what

[3:28] would you write if we gave you a paper and pencil I don't know like a like a

[3:32] good enough okay movies both good okay I mean it's basically it's it's ice pirates

[3:40] just that's your grocery list DVD of ice pirates they get blu-ray of ice

[3:48] pirates go to the laser disc of ice pirates not losing blockbuster video

[3:53] down the streets and pick up a VHS copy of ice pirates yeah whatever how come

[3:59] ice pirates on ice never got off the ground I don't seem like a natural yeah

[4:03] I think with all the time travel stuff near the end yeah hard to do in a rink

[4:09] then you'd have to write an essay for us why I want to join the guild in 25

[4:13] words or less 25 words okay that's only a couple of sentences yeah well you got

[4:17] to be good you don't have a lot of time brevity is the soul of etc etc etc etc

[4:21] etc etc etc okay not a lot of like big words or you only get a 25 words you

[4:27] better use the biggest words you can think that makes sense actually think of

[4:30] it as the opposite of tweeting okay yeah in that it's not that okay is there a

[4:36] time limit on this or yet 25 seconds you get one word a second or less yeah

[4:42] because I want to work right for the guild or be part of what you have to

[4:46] tell us why oh and also the first rule of dramatic writing is show not tell so

[4:51] you got to really make it a scene yeah okay really get across the impression

[4:56] that I was that just draws a picture oh wait I can draw you didn't well it's

[5:00] it's it's there's been a lot of debate over this because a picture is worth a

[5:03] thousand words you're only allowed 25 words so this is roughly you know what

[5:08] 400 times yeah yeah but you know nobody what if I do it with my left hand does

[5:13] that the hand you write with usually no then you get five extra words it's the

[5:17] hand you use for other things isn't it yeah well it's it's traditionally the

[5:23] hand I use for you use your hand because I have other parts of my body

[5:28] that do that under my fingernails really that sounds terrible the cleaning

[5:33] process must be disastrous weird I have to squeeze my hand like a tube of

[5:37] toothpaste like it when someone's okay well Stuart doesn't like unzipping

[5:49] things so he's run a catheter up to his hand do you have like a skeleton or

[5:59] organs or anything I do have an exoskeleton yeah really an exoskeleton

[6:04] yeah most people assume that's just a really cool suit of armor yeah that's

[6:09] what I always thought yeah but it's more of a carapace yeah it keeps all my like

[6:13] almost like a gelatinous organs in inside my body. It protects my soft tissue. I'm not gonna lie to you that's not

[6:19] gonna help you with the guild at the moment sure they prefer humans I guess

[6:23] yeah just by default but there are exceptions okay are you doing like a

[6:28] weird Vulcan hand signal I was just gesturing with my hands weird it's just

[6:32] something my people do okay by which I mean guild members sure what else is

[6:36] there and then there's just a three thousand dollar entry fee okay three

[6:40] thousand space bucks I don't think so since you made them up really American

[6:48] currency would be best so actually English pounds would be great they're a

[6:53] little stronger right now sure pounds sterling pounds Krugerrands yeah

[6:58] Krugerrands. Oh I can use Krugerrands. Yen if you could pay it in gold that'd be great gold has

[7:02] never been zero so it's a really good investment we've actually set up website

[7:06] and it's gold4guildmembership.com. What about space gold? The 4 is a numeral. I don't know what space gold

[7:13] would be. It's gold you get from outer space. And where would you get this gold there's no I

[7:17] where what are the sources of gold in space? Jupiter. No Jupiter is a gas giant

[7:23] there's no ground. Have you ever been there? I haven't. He's got you there. That's a good point. Is that where you're

[7:31] from? No it's just there's treasure chests all over the place. Really? So it's like the pirate planet. Treasure

[7:38] okay is that the treasure planet in the movie? Maybe I don't remember. I didn't see it I try to avoid

[7:42] David Hyde Pierce. Sure is it homophobia? I don't like people with Pierce in their name

[7:48] okay it sounds like puncturing okay or Hyde like Mr. Hyde he's probably gonna

[7:53] go crazy it's a very sharp name yeah so you're a guild member now congratulations

[7:59] thanks for joining you now get guaranteed guild health insurance. Do I get a neck tattoo? If you

[8:06] want it'll be a barcode a la Hitman. Oh that's pretty awesome. You also have to shave your head

[8:11] and eyebrows. And you're Timothy Oliphant now. Do I get a Samurai sword? A Samurai sword. Is that a sword you get at a

[8:22] deli? No it's a sword that a Samurai would use. A Samurai. I'm not familiar with that. You know the Samurais. Don't know what it is. Japanese guys with the funny haircuts. Samurais. Oh Beatles Japan. No no no. It's like

[8:39] Beatlemania but they're all Japanese. No Samurais. Sam my eyes? No Samurais. What I don't know what I'm supposed to do to my eyes. I don't understand. No no Samurais. What is

[8:51] Samming? No that's what they're called. They're those those guys that fight ninjas and shit. They're Japanese guys. Oh Daredevil. No. Daredevil. He does fight ninjas. Yeah he's got you there. Quite a lot.

[9:02] Quite a lot. Yeah we fight some in court. But you do owe us $1,500. I thought I thought I paid that. Yeah it turned out the check mounts. Only half of it did

[9:20] though. Okay well you gotta give me a couple of minutes. We will give you 40 seconds. Are you gonna excrete it from under your fingernails? No I gotta go to the ATM machine. That's redundant. The M stands for machine. Wait really? Yes. Wait no come on. That's the way the acronym works. What does the T stand for? Teller. Like what? Like telling somebody something? Well no like a bank teller. Or like pen and teller. Why is it? They don't they don't speak and also

[9:49] pan yells at them. Why is it that the bank tellers are always the most attractive people at the bank? I don't know what banks you go to. Hasn't been my experience. Are there any is there anyone else at the bank besides the tellers? Yeah people wandering around. Oh hobos. It's like the cantina in Mos Eisley. Oh yeah you're right because Dr. Evazan is there in Ponda Beba. Yeah well they're wandering around and the bank tellers are attractive. So I guess the bank teller in this case would be what the band? I don't know. There's no one attractive in the Mos Eisley cantina. Yeah probably. They'd be like the Biff Biff.

[10:19] Biff Band yeah. They're called the Biff Band. I'm more of a Max Rebo fan myself. So is this it? Do you want me to keep bullshitting again? And that was Fluff House Follies.

The Flop House Movie Minute #33 - Writers Guild

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