The Flop House Movie Minute #34 - Movie Minute Mailbag: The Squeakquel

Dan McCoy

[0:00] It's the Flophouse Movie Minute.

[0:07] So guys, from time to time, we get letters.

[0:10] Oh shit.

[0:11] That we do.

[0:13] Letters from listeners.

[0:14] Wait, from people?

[0:16] I assume so. I don't think they're spam bots because they're very specific to our podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[0:20] Okay. Maybe they're highly advanced Max Hedrum spam bots.

Dan McCoy

[0:25] Do they stutter a lot?

[0:26] Maybe they're going to take over the world in a Terminator situation.

[0:30] I'm scared of that.

[0:31] Through this podcast.

[0:32] Well, this email is titled Flop Flop Floppity Flop.

[0:40] Okay.

[0:41] And it's from Jiri, last name withheld.

[0:44] How do you spell that?

[0:46] It's spelled J-I-R-I, but then there are a bunch of accent marks over it.

[0:52] I believe this is our Norwegian fan.

[0:54] Oh, I like that guy.

[0:57] And he says, hello, Flophousers.

[1:01] Congratulations.

[1:02] Coalhousers.

[1:02] For the 50th episode.

[1:05] Podcasts I follow can be counted on one hand of a distracted lumberjack, but you are number one.

[1:11] That's a very imaginative way of saying very few.

[1:14] Besides the obvious high quality of content, I really like the sound quality.

[1:18] The fact that your voices are very different from each other while being understandable to a foreign barbarian like myself.

[1:25] Elliot is very funny and his knowledge can be terrifying.

[1:28] Oh, thank you.

[1:31] And?

[1:31] By the way, spoilers.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] Spoilers.

[1:34] Stuart waits for a compliment.

[1:36] Spoilers.

[1:36] Stuart sounds very handsome.

[1:38] Elliot.

[1:39] Stuart's penis sounds large.

Stuart Wellington

[1:41] I'm terrified of it.

Dan McCoy

[1:43] Yeah, Elliot is the only one singled out in this email.

[1:45] Woo!

Stuart Wellington

[1:46] Damn it.

[1:46] Spoiler alert.

[1:47] Thanks.

[1:47] My new favorite fan.

Dan McCoy

[1:49] Sorry, Dash.

[1:51] I accidentally kicked my sleeping cat off the bed when laughing.

[1:56] Poor cat, man.

[1:58] Allie doesn't care.

[1:59] Allie has the logic to cats.

[2:01] Like Sabretooth?

[2:02] Yeah.

[2:03] Yep.

[2:03] In the film X-Men Origins Wolverine?

[2:06] Yeah, well, I have a small suggestion that may suck, but I am not afraid.

[2:09] On the website, if you could write the final judgments plainly or in some sort of spoiler tag,

[2:15] black text on black background or something.

[2:17] I like it.

[2:18] I would like to watch some movies before listening to The Flophouse, but would not want to be

[2:22] tortured by the worst of the bad, bad ones.

[2:24] That honor I leave to you.

[2:25] They're all going to be pretty bad.

[2:27] So, uh...

[2:28] I think that's a good idea.

[2:29] Yeah, that is a good idea.

[2:30] And if I remember it, I will implement it.

Stuart Wellington

[2:33] If you don't get shot in the head with an adamantium bullet.

[2:36] Yeah.

[2:37] But what are the odds of that?

[2:40] Striker!

[2:41] Well, you wouldn't remember his name.

[2:43] I mean, you've already been shot.

[2:45] Or somebody!

[2:47] Memory guy!

Dan McCoy

[2:49] Yeah.

[2:50] He signs off.

[2:51] All right, that is probably all I wanted to say.

[2:53] He's very uncertain.

Elliott Kalan

[2:55] Yeah.

[2:55] Listen, you know, he's terrified by me.

[2:58] I'm scared.

Dan McCoy

[2:59] So, bye.

[3:01] May the Flophouse prosper for many, many years to come.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] Oh, that's very nice.

[3:07] Yeah, so, uh...

Dan McCoy

[3:08] I'd like to live there.

[3:10] In Norway?

[3:10] In that Flophouse.

[3:11] Oh, in the Flophouse.

[3:13] Yuck Central.

[3:14] Well, you sort of do.

Stuart Wellington

[3:16] Oh, yeah, I guess.

[3:17] You mean in Brooklyn?

[3:18] Yeah.

[3:18] Pretty soon in Park Slope, Brooklyn, for all you listeners.

[3:21] Yeah.

[3:22] Right next to Ellie.

[3:23] Stuart and I are going to be knaves.

Dan McCoy

[3:24] Yep, we're going to be neighbors.

[3:25] Let's do it for neighbors.

[3:26] Yeah, we're going to wear a lot of...

Stuart Wellington

[3:27] We're going to have pajama parties.

[3:29] Yeah.

[3:29] Oh, God.

[3:29] No girls allowed.

[3:31] Well...

[3:31] Mmm.

[3:33] Maybe not.

[3:34] You have another letter, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[3:37] Well, I mean, let me stew for a moment about you guys moving closer to each other.

[3:40] Stew Wellington, if you will.

[3:42] Good one, dude.

[3:42] And also...

[3:43] Hey, good one, neighbor.

[3:44] Yeah.

[3:45] It's going to be good.

[3:46] Speaking of Brooklyn, I was thinking that maybe sometime we should have a Flophouse meetup

[3:50] where we tell listeners that we will be at a certain place.

[3:54] Oh, that's a good idea.

[3:55] Perhaps...

[3:56] A Pacific Standard.

[3:56] The bar.

[3:57] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[3:59] That your...

[3:59] Charlene's bar.

[4:01] Charlene's.

[4:01] Yeah, people should totally go to Charlene's bar.

[4:03] Yeah.

[4:04] And we could set a time, and if there are any Flophouse fans in New York City, they can

[4:10] drop by.

[4:11] That sounds awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[4:12] I predict we will be saddened by the turnout.

[4:15] And I predict I'll be incredibly drunk.

Dan McCoy

[4:18] Look, at the worst, we will have a delightful evening with each other.

[4:22] That's true.

[4:23] Sure.

[4:23] So...

[4:24] I'll spend the time just looking at my girlfriend.

[4:26] Look for that in the future.

[4:26] We'll talk about it off air, and maybe we'll...

[4:29] We'll organize it.

[4:30] We'll run something up.

[4:32] So, nice spoiler alert, dude.

[4:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:34] Well, I'm teasing.

[4:35] Or is this foreshadowing?

[4:36] No, yeah, that's right.

[4:36] It's like a teaser trailer.

[4:38] Yeah, exactly.

[4:38] Yeah.

[4:39] It's like a black screen with Magneto's voice, and you're like, what's the deal?

[4:42] And then it just says 2011.

[4:43] It always says Magneto.

Elliott Kalan

[4:44] Summer 2011.

Stuart Wellington

[4:46] So, things will change.

[4:50] Trust no one.

[4:51] This is the end.

[4:52] Yep.

[4:53] Of everything.

[4:55] Trust your body.

Dan McCoy

[4:56] Just doing what my body wants.

[5:00] This email is titled, slash Gordon.

[5:04] Okay.

[5:04] And it's from...

[5:05] All right.

[5:06] It's from Matt Lopez, parentheses, pseudonym.

[5:11] So, that's why you didn't withhold the last name.

[5:13] That's why I didn't withhold it.

[5:14] No, that's clever.

[5:15] He withheld it for me.

[5:16] Ah.

[5:16] He replaced it.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] Is that Slash's real name?

[5:20] From Guns N' Roses, Slash Gordon?

[5:22] Yep.

[5:24] It says...

[5:25] I never realized that.

[5:25] He doesn't look like a Gordon.

Dan McCoy

[5:26] Dear the Flophouse Podcast, you've discussed a lot of things other than movies, but I can't

[5:32] recall you ever talking about Slash fiction.

[5:35] Well, we have talked about it, but in passing, so...

Elliott Kalan

[5:38] I mean, that's a different podcast that we also do called The Slash House, where we read out

[5:43] excerpts from our current work.

Dan McCoy

[5:45] And he says, in case you aren't familiar...

[5:47] Usually Harry Potter theme.

[5:48] In your case.

[5:49] It's a sub-genre fan fiction.

[5:50] Mine is today's show theme.

[5:52] Guys, I'm reading an email.

[5:54] Sorry.

[5:54] You're supposed to do characters, not actual people.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] Well, they're kind of personas.

[5:57] I'm in chapter 34 of my Lauer Roker epic.

Dan McCoy

[6:01] Anyway.

[6:02] Anyhoo.

[6:03] Matt Lopez, parentheses, pseudonym, says...

[6:06] In case you aren't familiar, it's a sub-genre of fiction, a fan fiction, which focuses

[6:10] on unlikely romantic Slash sexual pairings, most famously that of Kirk and Spock.

[6:17] Now, come on.

[6:17] All right.

[6:18] Matt Lopez, parentheses, pseudonym.

[6:20] Let's be clear.

[6:21] This is a sub-genre of fan fiction focused on homosexual pairings between male fictional

[6:30] characters.

[6:31] So, get your creepy internet things straight.

[6:34] And let me be clear.

Stuart Wellington

[6:35] Although, I've heard that referred to as gash before.

Dan McCoy

[6:38] Yeah.

[6:38] I think that it's probably lesbian Slash fiction that you're thinking of.

Stuart Wellington

[6:41] No.

[6:42] You're probably right.

[6:43] Oh, right.

[6:44] Because that's the name for the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[6:46] What about Glash fiction, which is about Ira Glass and Philip Glass having sex?

[6:50] Also, I want to be clear.

[6:51] On the radio.

Stuart Wellington

[6:51] How long have you been working on that one?

[6:53] Just a couple seconds.

[6:54] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[6:54] I want to be clear, guys.

[6:56] I want to be clear to our listeners.

[6:57] What's creepy about it is not that it's homosexual.

[7:00] That's fine.

[7:01] What's creepy about it is that it's fan fiction.

[7:03] So, but to continue.

[7:05] Why?

[7:06] Because fans shouldn't be allowed to write shit?

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] Yeah, come on.

[7:08] What about when people start writing Flophouse Slash?

[7:10] Where like Elliot and...

[7:11] Well, could I...

Dan McCoy

[7:12] You don't know spoilers.

[7:13] Could I get on to the...

Stuart Wellington

[7:14] Oh my god!

[7:15] Me and Matt Lopez know the same things.

Dan McCoy

[7:18] As an inspiring slash fiction writer struggling to break into the biz.

[7:23] I'm always late.

Elliott Kalan

[7:23] I don't know that there's that much biz there.

Dan McCoy

[7:25] It seems like it's mostly pro bono work.

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:28] Pro boner?

[7:29] Anyway.

[7:30] Boo.

[7:30] I'm always looking for inspiration for these unlikely pairings.

[7:35] Angel and Dracula.

[7:36] Simon and Randy.

[7:38] Bob Barker and Drew Carey, etc.

Elliott Kalan

[7:40] That would be called How Drew Got His Job.

[7:44] That's his audition for The Price is Right.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] He said Angel and Dracula.

[7:48] Is that Angel...

Dan McCoy

[7:49] Angel from the television show Angel, I assume.

Stuart Wellington

[7:51] Oh, not Angel, Stripper by Day.

[7:54] No, Student by Night.

Dan McCoy

[7:55] Student by Night.

[7:55] Well, who's the other one?

[7:56] No, it's a vampire slash pairing.

[7:58] Who's the other one?

[7:58] That's way cooler.

[7:59] What's the second one that he mentioned?

[8:00] Simon and Randy.

[8:01] That's an American Idol pairing.

Elliott Kalan

[8:03] Oh, Simon Cowell and Randy Johnson.

[8:07] Jackson.

[8:08] Not the Diamondbacks pitcher?

Dan McCoy

[8:10] No.

[8:10] Anyway, to finish the email.

Elliott Kalan

[8:12] I guess you need to pitch for the Yankees a little bit.

Dan McCoy

[8:14] If someone were to right slash about two members of the Flophouse, what pair would you choose

[8:19] and why?

[8:20] And I'm going to tackle this.

[8:23] I would say that I would not be in this because I know our audience.

[8:28] I know I'm the least popular member of the Flophouse.

[8:30] I don't know that that's true.

[8:31] You're the Leonardo.

Elliott Kalan

[8:32] Everything revolts.

[8:33] You know, you're the glue that holds it together.

[8:35] You're the Cyclops.

[8:36] You're the...

[8:37] Who are other unpopular members of the team?

[8:39] You're the Mr. Fantastic.

[8:40] You guys are the characters.

Dan McCoy

[8:41] So I think that anyone writing slash fiction would like to see, you know, Elliot's small body

[8:50] enveloped in...

[8:51] Small.

[8:52] Small body?

[8:53] Enveloped in Stuart's warm, bear-like embrace.

[8:56] I haven't.

Elliott Kalan

[8:58] Encased in Stuart's masculine shirt.

[9:02] I will say only two things.

[9:03] One, there's no reason it can't be three people in one scene.

[9:07] And two, Stuart and I were just talking about how excited we are to be neighbors and have

[9:11] pajama parties.

[9:12] So, Dan, you might be right.

Stuart Wellington

[9:15] Well, I mean, we'd have nachos and stuff there.

[9:18] Maps and nachos?

[9:20] Nachos, yeah.

[9:21] Like the nachos?

[9:22] No, nachos.

[9:23] Like the thing you get at...

[9:24] Nachos?

[9:24] Like at Nachos Bel Grande.

[9:26] You'd get at Taco Bell.

Elliott Kalan

[9:27] I don't know what you're talking about.

[9:28] Taco Bell.

Stuart Wellington

[9:29] Taco?

[9:30] It's a fast food chain.

[9:31] It's pretty popular.

Dan McCoy

[9:33] And that's the Flophouse mailbag, everyone.

[9:36] Okay.

[9:37] Thanks for listening.

Elliott Kalan

[9:38] Well, if anyone wants to write their own stories and send them in, we will be horrified to

[9:42] read them.

[9:43] No, totally do it.

Dan McCoy

[9:44] Do it, though.

[9:44] That'll be the next contest.

[9:46] The next contest is...

[9:47] Please, write the stories, and then we will burn our own eyeballs.

[9:50] If you can make me barf, you win.

[9:52] Well, they don't have to be Slash Fiction.

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] We can have the Flophouse Fan Fiction Contest.

[9:55] Will people have to write stories about us?

[9:56] Yeah, please.

[9:57] It doesn't have to be Slash.

[9:58] No, no.

[9:59] But that's encouraged.

[10:00] That's cool, but you know...

[10:01] Yeah, no, I can handle it.

Dan McCoy

[10:03] If it's Slash Fiction, I can handle it.

[10:05] I'm going to grow a man.

[10:06] I can handle it, but I would prefer just regular fan fiction.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] Oh, yeah, Dan can handle it.

[10:12] Dan can take it all.

[10:13] And there you go.

[10:14] That's the start of your story.

Dan McCoy

[10:15] So, ladies and gentlemen, that's a challenge for you.

[10:18] The prize is nothing.

Elliott Kalan

[10:20] I imagine the stories will all start with,

[10:22] Well, another great Flophouse recording, said Dan,

[10:25] as he switched off his computer.

[10:27] Slipping out of his jeans.

[10:30] Time for our post-Flophouse shower.

Stuart Wellington

[10:34] Stuart says,

[10:34] I've been drinking way too much.

[10:36] Do you mind if I sleep on your couch?

Dan McCoy

[10:39] I need someone to shampoo my mustache.

Stuart Wellington

[10:43] Elliot says,

[10:44] Stuart, it's dark out there.

[10:46] Could you walk me home?

Dan McCoy

[10:48] Elliot rubbed Popeye's chicken grease into Stuart's shoulders.

[10:54] Like sexual chicken.

Elliott Kalan

[10:55] But you know where that would really feel good?

[10:58] Where?

[10:59] Ah, side Dan with arousal.

Dan McCoy

[11:03] Oh, man.

[11:06] I am both enjoying this and creeping myself out.

Stuart Wellington

[11:09] It just comes so naturally.

[11:11] Oh, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:12] So, thank you for your letters.

[11:14] If you want to write us,

[11:15] as always, it's theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[11:19] And for the Flophouse mailbag,

[11:22] we'll see you next time.

[11:23] Bye.

The Flop House Movie Minute #34 - Movie Minute Mailbag: The Squeakquel

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