The Flop House Movie Minute #35 - Best Picture Decimal System

[0:00] It's the Flophouse Movie Minute.

[0:06] Hey everyone and welcome to Flophouse Movie Minute.

[0:09] I know that we said that we weren't going to do many of these anymore, but, you know,

[0:15] occasionally.

[0:16] We can't stop ourselves tonight.

[0:17] Yeah, we can't stop ourselves.

[0:18] We're bursting.

[0:19] We're on fire.

[0:20] And the subject that has us on fire is the Best Picture nominees.

[0:24] You're almost like a Dan on fire.

[0:27] Including Dan Zell washing Dan.

[0:30] And Dan Cota Danning.

[0:32] Directed by Danny Dat.

[0:34] Okay.

[0:35] So.

[0:36] Was it a Tony Scott film?

[0:37] Yes.

[0:38] Okay.

[0:39] There you go.

[0:40] Danny Dat.

[0:41] It was like all yellow.

[0:42] Every Tony Scott movie is like nothing but yellow.

[0:43] Oh, like Dan and I.

[0:44] Yeah.

[0:45] Yeah.

[0:46] Or Plunkett and McLean.

[0:47] That's not a Tony Scott movie.

[0:48] Who was that?

[0:49] Some other asshole.

[0:50] It was another Scott, I thought.

[0:51] Realist Scott, probably.

[0:52] No, no.

[0:53] The other one.

[0:54] Scott Paper Towel.

[0:55] What were we talking about?

[0:56] The fucking Best Picture nominees.

[0:57] The Best Picture nominees.

[0:58] This is the year they expanded it.

[0:59] No longer just five nominees for Best Picture.

[1:00] How many?

[1:01] Ten nominees.

[1:02] No kidding.

[1:03] They doubled it.

[1:04] That's a fuckload of movies.

[1:05] Twice as many.

[1:06] Uh-huh.

[1:07] 50% more nominees.

[1:08] And you know why they did it?

[1:09] That means tons of good movies are going to be in there.

[1:10] Well, here's the thing.

[1:11] Okay.

[1:12] Flashback when they first announced this.

[1:13] My reaction was.

[1:14] To Warm Nights, Almost Left Behind.

[1:15] Yes.

[1:16] Suitcase of memories.

[1:17] My reaction was.

[1:18] You know what?

[1:19] I don't care.

[1:27] But my reaction was.

[1:28] Great.

[1:29] So they can nominate five more crappy movies.

[1:30] Because this was a crappy year for movies.

[1:31] Great.

[1:32] They're going to waste it.

[1:33] Because the reason is so that five more movies can call themselves Best Picture nominees

[1:37] and then make more money off of that.

[1:38] Yeah.

[1:39] More DVD boxes say Best Picture nominee.

[1:41] Exactly.

[1:42] Now.

[1:43] Or Blu-ray disks.

[1:44] Or, I'm still calling them DVDs.

[1:49] Or PSP downloads.

[1:50] Still calling them, well that.

[1:52] PSP downloads.

[1:54] I'm still calling Blu-rays DVDs.

[1:55] I'm still going to call them that.

[1:58] Flash forward to now.

[2:00] The Best Picture nominees are.

[2:02] 2010.

[2:03] The year.

[2:04] 2010.

[2:05] The year is 2010.

[2:07] Washington D.C. is a smoking crater after the attack by the Martians.

[2:13] Want to read more?

[2:14] Well then buy my screenplay.

[2:17] It's called 2010.

[2:18] The year that was now.

[2:19] That sounds awesome.

[2:22] They expanded ten nominees and I felt like, I don't know what you guys' opinion on it,

[2:26] I felt like they did a pretty good job of using those extra slots to recognize movies

[2:30] that would not have been recognized.

[2:32] Other than The Blind Side, which I admit I've not seen.

[2:34] Well here's the thing.

[2:36] If there were only five nominees, here are the movies that would have been nominated.

[2:39] Okay, and then I will laugh in disgust when you name these five.

[2:43] The Blind Side.

[2:44] I haven't seen it.

[2:45] Up in the Air, Avatar, The Hurt Locker, and Precious.

[2:50] Those would have been the five nominees for Best Picture.

[2:52] You really think those would have been the five?

[2:54] Yes.

[2:55] See, I would go with the people who were nominated for Best Director and assume that those would

[2:59] have been the nominees.

[3:00] Most of those were nominated for Best, well, Avatar, The Hurt Locker, and Precious, end

[3:06] up in the air.

[3:07] Right?

[3:08] Yes, but I'm saying if there were just five, I would have guessed that there were the five

[3:11] nominees.

[3:12] It doesn't always happen.

[3:13] That's the thing.

[3:14] But the thing is, instead, in addition to those kind of middle of the road movies, you

[3:21] had movies like District 9 was nominated, Up was nominated, Inglourious Bastards, A

[3:28] Serious Man, and In Education were the other five movies, if I'm remembering correctly.

[3:32] The fact that A Serious Man, which is a difficult movie in a lot of ways, but I think is a great

[3:37] film, got nominated is a good sign.

[3:40] That Inglourious Bastards, which is awesome, got nominated.

[3:43] That Up, which literally was the best movie of the year, got nominated, is great.

[3:50] And District 9, a movie where lots of dudes get hit by lightning bolts and explode.

[3:53] Yeah.

[3:54] The fact that of the movies that nominated, that means out of ten Best Picture nominees,

[3:58] two are about aliens.

[4:00] One is a cartoon, and there are a couple of movies that are period movies, but are not...

[4:06] And one is basically a cartoon about Nazis.

[4:09] One is Inglourious Bastards, which is an insane movie, which is a brilliant movie in a lot

[4:13] of ways, but is insane, and does not really fit well into categories.

[4:19] And two movies, In Education and A Serious Man, which are period films, but are not costume

[4:23] period films.

[4:24] They're not Elizabeth, which I recently saw for the first time, and I was kind of disappointed

[4:28] in.

[4:29] Sure.

[4:30] Yeah, no, I actually think that this is a fine thing that they've done.

[4:35] It's unlike the people in the It's a Good Life episode of The Twilight Zone.

[4:40] It's a fine thing you've done, no, no.

[4:41] It's good that you expanded the category for ten nominees.

[4:45] Please don't wish me into the cornfield.

[4:48] No, I guess that was just the short story.

[4:52] That wasn't really in the...

[4:53] Anyway.

[4:54] No, it's in the...

[4:55] The cornfield is in the show.

[4:56] Oh, okay.

[4:57] So, no, but I think it was good.

[5:00] People who are objecting to this...

[5:01] Like me.

[5:02] ... are...

[5:03] Tend to be the people who are, like, sass mouths.

[5:08] They've got this weird...

[5:09] Whoa, whoa, enough of the jargon, doctor.

[5:12] Enough of the technical talk, professor.

[5:14] They've got this weird conservative streak, but it's like a wrong-headed conservative

[5:18] streak because they don't realize that it wasn't always five nominees.

[5:22] Yeah, and originally there were no limits on nominees for any of the categories, really,

[5:26] if I'm remembering correctly.

[5:27] History is actually on the side of having more nominees if they want to have more nominees,

[5:33] so to argue against it and be like, oh, man, I can't believe they're making this change.

[5:37] It's like, well, it's not really a change.

[5:39] It's going to make our Oscar from last year...

[5:40] It's going to make our Oscar from last year, guys.

[5:43] It is going to make Oscar guessing harder.

[5:45] Yeah.

[5:46] It used to be the movie that made the most money, or the movie that made the least money,

[5:52] was going to be Best Picture.

[5:53] Okay.

[5:54] Now, who knows?

[5:55] It's anybody's game.

[5:56] I still think Avatar will win because it made the most money, but who knows.

[5:59] And it has the most blue aliens.

[6:01] Yes, that's usually...

[6:02] I mean, that's...

[6:03] On the blue alien meter, it has the most ponytails stuck in animal orifices.

[6:08] And going back in the old days, that's how they judged Best Picture, was by blue aliens.

[6:13] It has the most blue butts in it.

[6:16] There are blue butts.

[6:18] Don't spoil it for Elodie.

[6:19] She hasn't seen it yet.

[6:20] Yeah.

[6:21] Am I doing a podcast with a couple of six-year-olds?

[6:22] Yes.

[6:23] He said butts weird.

[6:24] In your defense there, you should have called him out on it.

[6:29] But...

[6:30] There's a lot of butts in that movie.

[6:31] But I thought this was going to work out the way that it did when multiplexes were first

[6:35] introduced, where they said, if we have ten screens, then the little movies won't get

[6:41] pushed out of the theaters.

[6:42] So we can show, like, Blockbusters on a couple screens, and then the rest of the screens

[6:46] will be the smaller movies, and the Blockbusters will pay for those.

[6:48] But instead, what happened was, they were like, we're going to make a shitload more

[6:51] money if we show Transformers on five screens, and we show G.I.

[6:55] Joe on the other five screens, you know, instead of showing little movies.

[6:58] So I figured that would happen this time.

[6:59] For the people who have already seen Transformers, they have G.I.

[7:02] Joes.

[7:03] Exactly.

[7:04] Well, they...

[7:05] Instead, they...

[7:06] They've already seen The Revenge of the Fallen, now they want to see The Rise of Cobra.

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:12] The Rise of the Fallen.

[7:13] Time for Rising.

[7:14] And they will not be disappointed by that movie at all.

[7:17] And after they see both of those movies, they go and see Sideways.

[7:21] Huh?

[7:22] Huh?

[7:23] Stuart?

[7:24] I don't see why they would enjoy Sideways.

[7:26] I mean, it's significantly slower and more of a slice-of-life type of movie.

[7:30] I mean, there is a car crash, not a lot of action.

[7:33] I think there's a dude's wang in it.

[7:34] Sideways?

[7:35] Yeah, there is a dude's wang at one point.

[7:37] So...

[7:38] I mean, a man does get hit in the face with a motorcycle helmet, though.

[7:41] Yeah, I mean, I guess that's pretty cool.

[7:43] Yeah.

[7:44] To sum up, Sideways was great.

[7:46] So I will say to the Academy, I still don't like you, but kudos for doing something I

[7:52] agree with, to a point.

[7:54] Good work, Mr. Academy.

[7:57] I still...

[7:58] I don't know what the...

[7:59] I haven't seen The Blind Side either, so I don't know what the hubbub is about it.

[8:01] Everybody loves The Blind Side.

[8:02] Is somebody blind in it?

[8:04] It's about...

[8:05] What's the deal?

[8:06] There's a African-American football player...

[8:11] Whoa, what is this, science fiction?

[8:12] Who was interrupted by a Christian Southern family and turned into a sports phenom, from

[8:20] what I understand.

[8:21] Oh, like the hit TV show Phenom, of the same name, with Judith Light.

[8:27] So...

[8:28] And Sandra Bullock is in it.

[8:29] It seems like...

[8:30] Being all Sandra Bullock-y.

[8:31] But nobody's blind?

[8:32] No.

[8:33] Blind Side...

[8:34] I think that's a football term.

[8:35] Okay.

[8:36] But...

[8:37] So maybe that movie will win.

[8:38] But I feel...

[8:39] But just the fact that they nominated some more stranger films, or difficult films, I

[8:45] think is a nice sign for the future.

[8:47] Yeah, totally.

[8:48] And then they'll give the award to, like, whatever kind of bland, middle-of-the-road

[8:52] thing.

[8:53] Yeah.

[8:54] Gets the votes.

[8:55] Gladiator 2.

[8:56] Rise of...

[8:57] Forrest Gump battles Gladiator.

[8:58] See, well, that sounds like a great movie, though.

[9:02] I've always wanted them to do sequel mashups like that.

[9:04] I've been trying to get Terminator 5 Short Circuit 3 off the ground for a while.

[9:09] And, of course, the dream would be Rocky 7 Rambo 5.

[9:13] That'd be totally crazy.

[9:15] Yeah.

[9:16] Would it take place in a boxing ring?

[9:19] Boxing ring.

[9:20] But the boxing ring would be in Southeast Asia, or Africa, or something.

[9:23] Like Guadalupe, or something.

[9:24] Sure.

[9:25] Yeah.

[9:26] Yeah.

[9:27] It'll be in Xanadu.

[9:28] It would be in Xanadu, somewhere deep in Samuel Coleridge's dreaming mind.

[9:32] Yes!

[9:34] The perfect way to start a Rocky Rambo movie would be Samuel Coleridge taking a puff of

[9:39] his opium pipe, and then the camera zooms into his eye as the pupil widens, and suddenly

[9:44] we're in a war-torn valley where Rocky Balboa is fighting a match.

[9:49] And then, at the very end of the film, right at the climax where Rocky's about to punch

[9:53] the guy, all of a sudden Samuel Coleridge gets a knock at the door.

[9:57] He's awoken.

[9:58] And we never know what happens.

[9:59] And what happens at the door is the members of Rush showed up there, and that was it.

[10:04] That'd be an interesting twist.

[10:05] All right, I think we found the screenplay that we're all collaborating on.

[10:09] It reminds me of the joke I still am trying to put in something, where it starts, it's

[10:13] like a regular drama or romantic comedy, and it starts with dinosaurs fighting each other,

[10:17] and then it just says, 65 million years later, and then the movie starts.

[10:22] I would love that.

[10:23] I think, I don't know what a Rocky IV, Rambo VII, wait, did I mix that up?

[10:28] Rambo IV, Rocky VII.

[10:30] No, Rocky VII, Rambo IV.

[10:31] Yeah.

[10:32] Rambo V.

[10:33] I don't know what our title would be, but I know the poster would say, Zanna, don't.

[10:38] Yep.

[10:39] So, to sum up, guys, the Oscars.

[10:44] Yeah.

[10:45] Nice work.

[10:46] Coming on soon.

The Flop House Movie Minute #35 - Best Picture Decimal System

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