The Flop House: Episode #60 - All About Steve

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we learn all about Steve.

[0:04] But really, can anyone learn all about Steve?

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] I'm Brock Mahan.

Dan McCoy

[0:40] Yeah, that's right. Elliot is gone. He didn't die.

Stuart Wellington

[0:45] Enough about Elliot. What's Brock's story?

Dan McCoy

[0:48] Well, no, just for a second. Elliot is out in California.

[0:52] Sure is.

[0:52] He's laying the groundwork for his wedding.

[0:55] And what a groundwork.

[0:56] He's like John the Baptist for his own wedding.

[1:00] He's pairing...

[1:02] That's how prolific he is.

S2

[1:05] Not only is he the savior of his wedding, he's also the hype man for it.

Dan McCoy

[1:11] Yeah, he's like, my wedding 2010, bitches.

[1:15] That's what a hype man does, right?

[1:16] That sounds a lot like...

[1:18] If John the Baptist came back today, that's exactly what he would sound like.

[1:21] But Brock, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself?

[1:24] Stuart was asking you beforehand, and I said, save it for the podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[1:28] Well, I mean, we've done one of these before, and I don't remember all the stuff about Brock.

[1:35] And I want to build, you know, I really...

[1:37] All about Brock?

[1:38] Yeah, I want to be all about Brock tonight.

S2

[1:40] Well, I'm a TV writer.

[1:42] I wrote for a show on True TV called The Smoking Gun Presents The World's Dumbest.

[1:46] I'm also one of the editors of a publication that Dan McCoy is a frequent and prolific contributor to called Wim Quarterly.

[1:54] Issues available.

[1:55] Yes, at our website.

[1:56] Wimquarterly.com.

[1:57] Buy them, please.

[1:58] Do it.

[1:59] And at one store in Brooklyn, if you make your way to Desert Island Comics in Williamsburg.

[2:05] There's exactly one copy left.

[2:07] Really?

[2:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:09] Well, that's good to hear.

[2:10] You should run, don't walk to that store.

[2:14] There's only one copy left.

Dan McCoy

[2:16] If one of the listeners gets that one remaining copy, we should probably give them some sort of prize.

S2

[2:21] Absolutely.

[2:21] Send us an email at thefolksatwimquarterly.com, and we'll figure out something from the archives to send you.

Dan McCoy

[2:30] Yeah, Brock was with us once before for Paul Blart Mall Cop.

[2:36] And when we asked him to come again, he said, all right, but I want something, I want a really bad movie this time.

[2:43] And I'm very pleased that you kept up your end of the deal.

[2:45] Yeah, no, we...

[2:46] Spoiler alert.

[2:47] In spades, we came up with the Razzie Award winning All About Steve.

[2:53] Spoiler alert.

[2:55] Wait, is it a spoiler for the podcast?

[2:57] The fact that we watched All About Steve?

[2:59] Guess what?

[2:59] We're talking about a movie.

Stuart Wellington

[3:00] Yeah, well, we haven't gotten to the big reveal about what movie we're going to watch yet.

Dan McCoy

[3:04] I mean, it'll probably be in the title of the podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[3:07] Oh, yeah, and you put the movie poster.

Dan McCoy

[3:09] Yeah, I usually put all the information on the website.

Stuart Wellington

[3:12] What's the movie poster for this one look like?

[3:15] I assume Sandra Bullock figures in it prominently.

[3:18] Okay.

[3:18] Maybe some red boots.

[3:19] Mm-hmm.

[3:20] Ah, yeah.

[3:21] Do you put a link to the movie trailer?

Dan McCoy

[3:24] Or do I have to go to IMDb for that?

[3:25] I put a link to the Wikipedia synopsis on the page.

[3:29] Because sometimes I feel like we are remiss in giving enough synopsis information for people to follow along.

[3:36] So, I just feel like if people really want to know what's going on, they can go to Wikipedia beforehand and then they can understand what we're saying about the movie.

[3:47] I mean, like, you know, I want to address this.

[3:51] Our mutual friend Brad Stewart.

[3:54] He's no friend of mine.

[3:55] Okay.

[3:56] He criticized us about sometimes getting off the topic of the movies.

[4:01] What?

[4:01] And there's a lot of digressions in the Flophouse.

[4:03] What?

[4:04] And I think that the thing is, like, to me, the Flophouse has always been a comedy show.

[4:08] Wait a minute.

[4:09] That's about movies.

[4:10] Wait a minute, Dan.

[4:10] I think Brad thinks it's a movie show that's got some comedy in it.

Stuart Wellington

[4:13] Wait a minute, Dan.

[4:14] Your cat is climbing into a box right now.

[4:16] That's adorable.

[4:18] Okay.

[4:18] Well, I'm...

[4:19] Point illustrated.

Dan McCoy

[4:21] That's the sort of digression that I'm sure Brad is talking about.

[4:25] I mean, if this was a video podcast and we could show the cat going into the box, I think that everyone would agree that it's adorable.

[4:31] Okay.

[4:31] Let me describe it.

Stuart Wellington

[4:32] It's hilarious.

[4:34] And wait, the cat's now smelling the table.

[4:37] Okay.

S2

[4:37] Which, believe me, is more adorable than going into the box.

[4:41] Yeah, totally.

Dan McCoy

[4:43] Well, now that we've...

[4:43] Wait, what were we talking about?

[4:44] Now that we've angered Brad by spending 12 minutes up top describing something about the cat that he can't see, we watched all about Steve.

[4:53] Okay.

[4:54] Stuart.

[4:54] The comedy rom-com, right?

[4:56] Mm-hmm.

[4:57] In the absence of Elliot, would you like to take lead on synopsizing this movie?

[5:02] Well, I was going to make Brock do it because he's our guest.

[5:05] Oh, holy shit.

[5:05] All right.

[5:05] And because I don't pay close attention to these movies.

S2

[5:08] Yeah.

[5:09] All right.

[5:09] I'll give it a shot.

[5:10] Well, for starters, I learned much less about Steve Wozniak than I thought it was going to, which was disappointing.

[5:16] But, all right.

[5:18] Well, I guess it's the story of a crossword puzzle editor, a crypto-verbalist, I believe.

Dan McCoy

[5:26] Yeah, someone who writes crosswords.

S2

[5:29] And she's very good at her job.

[5:31] She's very good at cranking out crossword puzzles, but somehow can't get that same order into her personal life.

[5:37] She lives with her parents.

[5:39] She has had little success.

Dan McCoy

[5:40] Her parents, Howard Hessman and the lady who was in charge of Sparkle Motion and Don Darko.

Stuart Wellington

[5:46] That was the guy from Head of the Class, right?

Dan McCoy

[5:51] Also, WKRP in Cincinnati, Dr. Johnny Fever.

S2

[5:54] But he was in Head of the Class, right?

[5:56] He was.

[5:56] He was the non-Billy Connelly guy in Head of the Class.

[5:59] Just as Francis Ford Coppola was the director of Jack.

[6:02] Yeah, exactly.

[6:05] All right.

[6:06] So, this crypto-verbalist, this crossword puzzle editor, lives at home with her parents.

[6:12] Is striking out when it comes to finding physical companionship of the opposite sex.

[6:18] So, her parents decide to set her up on a blind date.

Dan McCoy

[6:22] Is it ever established, by the way, how they know Steve?

S2

[6:25] No, it isn't at all.

[6:27] Okay.

[6:27] Yeah.

[6:28] I assume they seem like cool people.

[6:30] That might be just one of their young friends that they like to make.

Dan McCoy

[6:32] Yeah.

[6:32] I mean, Howard Hessman's involved.

[6:34] Maybe he's like Steve's dealer.

[6:36] It's possible.

[6:37] Sure.

[6:37] Anyway.

[6:38] Like a dealer or what?

[6:41] Oddities?

[6:42] Curios?

[6:43] I was thinking marijuana, but it could be rare books.

[6:46] Sure.

[6:46] Why not?

S2

[6:47] He does have a striking...

[6:48] Howard Hessman in this film has a striking resemblance to Allen Ginsberg.

[6:52] So, it could be.

[6:53] You know, that seems like something he would deal in.

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:56] Rare first volumes.

[6:58] Leatherbound volumes.

Stuart Wellington

[7:00] And this Steve character seems like he would partake in those.

[7:04] Yeah.

[7:05] He seems like a reader.

Dan McCoy

[7:06] Yeah.

[7:06] A real renaissance man.

[7:08] That's what I think of when I think of Bradley Cooper.

Stuart Wellington

[7:10] I think chiseled abs and pecs.

Dan McCoy

[7:13] I think ridiculous gelled hair.

[7:16] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[7:17] I think of perfectly manicured chest hair.

[7:21] Mm-hmm.

[7:23] Come on, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[7:24] Can you keep it up?

[7:25] Keep it in the air.

[7:26] Keep it in the air.

Dan McCoy

[7:26] Wet hot American summer.

Stuart Wellington

[7:27] Oh, okay.

[7:29] So, continue, Brock.

S2

[7:30] Okay.

[7:30] So, yes.

[7:32] Bradley Cooper, a.k.a. Steve.

[7:37] They go out on their blind date.

[7:39] Mm-hmm.

[7:39] He meets Sandra Bullock's character at her parents' house.

[7:43] And she is immediately smitten.

[7:45] So much so that she has to go upstairs to her bedroom and redo her entire wardrobe.

[7:50] Yeah.

[7:51] To make it more hookery.

[7:52] Yes.

[7:52] I think that's the only way to describe it.

[7:54] Although, weirdly enough, she does have, believe it or not, she has a few character quirks.

[8:00] Surely not.

[8:01] I know.

[8:02] It's shocked me, too.

[8:03] But one of them is that she wears, I guess, like knee-high red leather boots all the time.

[8:09] Platform boots, yeah.

[8:10] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[8:11] So, she's clearly.

[8:11] Because they make her ten toes feel like they're, what was it, like ten friends on a camping trip together.

[8:18] Mm-hmm.

[8:19] So, spoiler alert.

[8:21] That's why.

[8:22] That's why she wears those boots.

[8:24] That mystery is solved.

[8:25] You'll be wondering all through the movie, why does she wear those boots?

[8:28] And then at the end, there's a monologue that explains why she wears those boots.

Stuart Wellington

[8:31] I thought it was because she worked part-time for a foot fetish website.

Dan McCoy

[8:34] It's possible.

[8:36] I don't think that writing crosswords is a very lucrative profession.

[8:40] So, she needs to work part-time as a foot fetish model.

[8:43] Sure.

S2

[8:44] And being a crossword puzzle editor, she probably knows the exact term used to describe a foot model fetishist.

Dan McCoy

[8:50] And by the way, crossword puzzle writer, bullshit quirky job for a bullshit quirky rom-com.

[8:58] Anyway, carry on.

S2

[9:00] Okay.

[9:00] So, she goes up.

[9:01] She changes her outfit.

[9:03] Steve decides, you know, okay, let's go to a restaurant.

[9:06] They get into their Jeep.

[9:08] And Sandra just cannot contain herself.

[9:10] Like a dog in heat just pounces on this poor Steve.

[9:14] You know, mauls his face with kisses.

[9:18] Would she be a cougar?

Dan McCoy

[9:20] I don't think that this movie wants us to think that she is a cougar.

[9:23] But looking at her in this movie, she seems like a cougar.

Stuart Wellington

[9:28] I mean, how old was she in Demolition Man?

Dan McCoy

[9:30] I don't know.

[9:31] I mean, she's not in the spring of her years anymore.

[9:34] She's still an attractive lady, but they do not make her look attractive in this movie.

[9:39] Okay.

[9:39] I mean, particularly when she doffs her top because you can see the wrinkles in her sternum.

[9:45] Like, her breastbone is clearly visible through the thin sheen of skin.

S2

[9:50] It's her most prominent feature in that scene.

[9:53] Yeah, and so that, yeah, things get hot and heavy.

[9:57] The top comes off.

[9:58] And for some reason that's never quite explained, Bradley Cooper starts to get turned off.

[10:04] And it's almost immediately after he places both his hands on her breast.

[10:08] So I assume it has something to do with the shape and texture of her mammary glands.

[10:13] Or brassiere.

[10:15] I mean, come on.

[10:15] It's true.

[10:16] It was pretty tacky.

Stuart Wellington

[10:16] You don't have to immediately knock her small boobs.

[10:19] Oh, you think it was the size?

[10:21] You think it was the size of her breast?

[10:22] Yeah, duh.

[10:23] He's a dude.

Dan McCoy

[10:24] Okay.

[10:25] Hey, God.

[10:26] I mean, you know, some gentlemen like a proportional breast.

[10:30] They aren't large breast fetishists like you are, Stuart.

[10:34] Oh, weird.

Stuart Wellington

[10:35] Yeah, sorry about getting derailed, Brock.

[10:37] That's fine.

[10:38] Let's move on.

[10:38] I know that I do a lot of digressions about things.

[10:42] And stuff.

S2

[10:43] Yeah.

[10:44] So, yeah.

[10:45] So, Bradley Cooper, immediately, I have to get out of this situation.

[10:48] You know, I'm feeling like the audience.

[10:50] This is the most unsexy thing I've ever witnessed or been a part of.

[10:53] Yeah.

[10:53] So he makes up a lie because he's a TV news cameraman.

[10:57] Yeah, he needs a smoke bomb out of there, right?

[10:58] Exactly.

[10:59] And his smoke bomb comes in the form of a fake phone call saying that there's something going on in Boston.

[11:04] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:05] Beantown.

[11:06] Sure.

[11:07] USA.

[11:09] Sorry.

[11:12] Now I'm just derailing you not to make any valuable contributions.

[11:16] No, that was hilarious, Stan.

[11:18] Well, sorry.

S2

[11:19] Continue.

[11:20] Okay.

[11:20] So there's breaking news in Boston.

[11:22] I got to go.

[11:24] I really wish you could come.

[11:25] But unfortunately, the news is my mistress.

[11:27] And I must heed her beck and call.

[11:30] So the next day, Sondra Bullock is still swooning over this chance encounter in, I guess, like an 88 Bronco with no backseat.

[11:42] Sure.

[11:43] A real love mobile.

[11:46] Yes, this dry hump on top of softball equipment has been so mind-blowingly erotic that I'm now...

[11:53] That's not a euphemism for a package, right?

[11:59] She decides, I'm going to make a crossword puzzle all about Steve.

[12:03] I'm going to...

[12:04] Title all about Steve, in fact.

[12:05] Exactly.

[12:06] And I'm going to...

Stuart Wellington

[12:08] Hey, isn't that the title of the movie, Dan?

[12:09] Holy shit.

[12:10] Clever stuff.

[12:11] Continue, bro.

S2

[12:12] So I'm going to deliver this crossword to my editor.

[12:16] He is going to print it sight unseen.

[12:17] It's going to go out to all the 7,402 readers in the Sacramento area.

[12:24] And this is how I will declare my love for Steve.

[12:27] Unfortunately, due to his own incompetence, her editor sends this out without proofreading it, of course.

[12:34] And instantly blames Sandra Bullock for his mistake and fires her on the spot.

[12:40] Thus, making her now free to travel about the country and follow her new true love, Steve.

Stuart Wellington

[12:45] Where are they going to get the rest of their fucking crosswords from?

[12:48] Like, there's nothing.

Dan McCoy

[12:49] I'm sure there's a syndicated crossword, you know, service.

Stuart Wellington

[12:54] I don't buy it.

[12:55] I think they're going to replace it with Sudoku or Slidlock Fox or some shit.

[12:59] You're going to buy that every newspaper in the country doesn't have their own dedicated crossword writer.

[13:04] Yeah, like the city of Sacramento.

[13:07] Sure.

[13:07] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[13:09] Yeah, so, yeah.

[13:09] She follows Steve around.

[13:12] She, you know, there's a three-legged baby.

[13:14] There's a big controversy about a three-legged baby.

[13:17] So she follows him there.

S2

[13:18] Yes, a story big enough that apparently this major news, television news syndicate that's based in Sacramento

[13:23] sends their one reporter out to cover...

[13:26] Thomas Hayden Church.

[13:27] Yes, played by Thomas Hayden Church.

[13:28] From Wings.

Dan McCoy

[13:30] Yes, that's his most significant role.

[13:32] You will not talk about him being in Sideways.

[13:34] You will not talk about him being the Sandman in Spider-Man 3.

[13:38] Lowell from Wings.

[13:39] That's how we all know Thomas Hayden Church.

[13:41] Okay.

S2

[13:42] So, yeah, so the majority of Act 2 is Sandra Bullock tracking down Steve wherever he may, wherever his assignments call.

Dan McCoy

[13:52] Yeah, various news stories.

[13:53] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[13:54] And she's a crazy stalker, basically.

[13:56] Mm-hmm.

[13:57] And like all crazy stalkers, she develops a following of weirdos and quirky people.

Dan McCoy

[14:02] Yeah, weirdos.

Stuart Wellington

[14:03] Including DJ Qualls from one of my favorite movies of all time, The New Guy, where he plays the titular character, who is, in fact, a new guy.

Dan McCoy

[14:13] He is a new guy.

[14:14] Yeah, DJ Qualls and Katie Mixon from the hit HBO series Eastbound and Down, where she is the love interest for one...

[14:25] What's his name?

[14:26] For Kenny Powers.

[14:27] Yeah, Kenny Powers.

[14:27] Played by Kenny McBride.

[14:29] Yeah.

[14:30] A Jody Hill joint.

[14:33] But anyway, so how does this all come to a head, Brock?

S2

[14:37] So, yeah, Sandra Bullock keeps tracking down Steve wherever he goes, goaded on by Thomas Hayden Church's Hampton Hughes, the dashing newsman who...

[14:49] Hartman Hughes.

[14:50] Hartman Hughes, yes, I'm sorry.

[14:51] An even stranger non-name.

[14:54] Who apparently takes some sort of perverse pleasure out of torturing Steve by goading his stalker on him.

Dan McCoy

[15:00] Yeah, there's no motivation established, but Thomas Hayden Church...

Stuart Wellington

[15:04] Other than comedic motivation.

Dan McCoy

[15:06] Well, no, I mean, like, as you said, Stuart, you're like, I would totally fuck with my friends if they had a stalker.

[15:12] And Thomas Hayden Church...

[15:13] Morning to all my friends out there.

[15:15] That seems to be his only motivation.

[15:17] He pulls Sandra Bullock aside and he's like, look, Steve's in love with you.

[15:21] Don't listen to him if he says any words like kooky or crazy or lunatic.

[15:26] Like, you know, just Steve wants you.

[15:28] Just follow him around the country.

[15:31] And he takes great joy in letting Sandra Bullock know where Steve will be at any moment in time so she could follow him and harass him sexually.

S2

[15:41] Yeah, pretty much.

[15:43] They wind up in Texas where a rare hurricane-tornado combination is pounding the Galveston area.

[15:50] They run into some cicadas.

[15:53] Yeah.

[15:53] There are cicadas in the movie.

[15:55] Then, I guess, yeah, after the tornado, what, they hitch a ride to somewhere in Pennsylvania, I believe, where a school class of deaf children have fallen into a giant sinkhole.

[16:07] Yeah.

[16:07] There's an abandoned mine.

Stuart Wellington

[16:10] What?

[16:10] They must have not heard the sinkhole.

[16:12] They did not hear the sinkhole.

[16:13] Boom.

[16:14] Hilarious.

Dan McCoy

[16:14] Yeah, you showed those deaf children.

[16:16] Hilarious.

[16:17] Yeah, a bunch of deaf children fell into an abandoned mine.

[16:20] And there's a whole, like, there's a baby Jessica times 10 situation going on.

[16:25] And Thomas Hayden Church is out there.

[16:27] And, yeah, and Sandra Bullock following Steve comes.

[16:34] And she comes and she runs.

[16:35] She's like, she sees Steve across the meadow.

[16:38] And he looks good.

[16:39] Yeah.

[16:39] Oh, finally, after so many days of traveling across the country, I'm going to be reunited with Steve.

[16:46] And she runs across the meadow towards Steve.

Stuart Wellington

[16:48] When she said it, it was kind of higher pitched.

[16:51] And she made it a lot of trivia.

Dan McCoy

[16:54] More trivia.

[16:55] You know, as Voltaire said, I disagree with what you say, but I'll defend your death the right to say it.

[17:04] I like it.

[17:04] Good.

[17:05] And she runs across the meadow.

S2

[17:06] And she falls down the fucking sinkhole.

[17:08] Directly into it.

[17:09] It's not like a rim shot.

[17:10] It's, you know, it's swish down the mine.

[17:12] Yeah.

[17:13] To its...

[17:14] I was expecting her legs to kick out comically.

Dan McCoy

[17:16] No, she runs directly into a hole.

[17:18] Like, there's a reason that everyone's there.

[17:21] And, like, there's firemen.

[17:23] There's a big crane.

[17:24] But she runs right into the hole.

S2

[17:26] Not to get off on too much of a diatribe, but is apparently one of the motifs of the film, which in everybody is terrible at their job.

[17:32] Sandra Bullock's editor publishes her crossword puzzle without even looking at it.

[17:37] These news...

[17:38] These...

[17:39] Thomas Hayden Church's newscaster is more than willing to just make up stuff on the spot.

[17:47] At some point, Bradley Cooper drops his camera.

Dan McCoy

[17:50] There's a bus driver who deliberately leaves Sandra Bullock by the side of the road just because she's irritating.

[17:56] Yes.

S2

[17:57] These...

[17:57] The teachers that are guarding this class of deaf children let them aimlessly just run ahead of them.

Stuart Wellington

[18:04] And then they miscount the number of deaf children that get pulled out of the hole.

Dan McCoy

[18:09] Yeah, there's no buddy system here.

[18:10] There's just one child who is still down there when Sandra Bullock falls down into the hole.

Stuart Wellington

[18:15] Yeah, when she does, like, a Pepe Le Pew, like, floating on winds of love after Bradley Cooper falls down the hole.

Dan McCoy

[18:21] But anyway, you know, to wrap up the story, Sandra Bullock figures out a way to do, like, a counterweight thing with the crane.

[18:32] Like, the crane has already, like, fallen halfway out of the sea hole so they can't use it normally.

[18:36] But she figures out a way of, like, using it as, like, a pulley and, like, pulling a counterweight.

[18:40] And Thomas Hayden Church has, like, jumped down the hole because he feels guilty about luring Sandra Bullock out here so she can fall down the hole.

[18:48] And so Sandra Bullock just adds a few more rocks to the counterweight.

[18:52] And she gets up out of the hole.

[18:53] Apparently it was a rock mine.

[18:54] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:56] And she, but not until after she's had her, like, Smeagol and Gollum-like moment where she, you know, she talks to herself for a while in front of this deaf girl.

Dan McCoy

[19:05] Mm-hmm.

[19:06] And the deaf girl says that she talks too much.

Stuart Wellington

[19:08] Well, she doesn't say that.

[19:09] She signs it.

[19:10] Mm-hmm.

[19:10] It's not the same.

[19:11] But that's the irony of it.

[19:12] Oh, right.

Dan McCoy

[19:13] Yeah.

[19:14] But then at the end, Bradley Cooper has come to realize that Sandra Bullock is special and not just in a mentally, like, deficient way.

S2

[19:22] In the words of the TV newscast that he overhears, she's crazy smart like Ted Kaczynski.

[19:28] And he thinks that's an unfair characterization of her.

Dan McCoy

[19:31] Totally unmotivated.

[19:32] This other channel.

Stuart Wellington

[19:33] Ted Kaczynski was smart in a completely different way.

Dan McCoy

[19:36] This other channel is smearing Sandra Bullock for no reason.

[19:39] This woman who's just fallen down a hole.

[19:42] Like, that's all they know about her.

[19:43] Granted, she fell down the hole because she's an idiot.

Stuart Wellington

[19:45] It's true.

[19:46] Or very unobservant.

Dan McCoy

[19:48] But then they're like, oh, she's crazy smart like this homegrown terrorist.

Stuart Wellington

[19:54] Bradley Cooper defends her by saying she sees things other people don't see, which does not include holes in the ground.

[20:00] Because other people see that, but she's quite oblivious.

S2

[20:04] But anything, you're better off in life being able to see holes in the ground than any sort of hidden insight into people's souls or erudite knowledge.

Stuart Wellington

[20:13] But Sandra Bullock makes her way out of the hole.

[20:15] But if she hadn't fallen in that hole, that deaf girl probably would have gotten eaten by Chugs or Magman or some shit.

Dan McCoy

[20:22] More people.

[20:23] No, it's fine.

[20:23] It was also the good.

[20:25] And also, Bradley Cooper learned that Sandra Bullock had something to offer.

[20:31] Yeah, a lesson.

[20:32] But they do not end up together.

[20:34] Weird.

[20:35] There's not enough there.

[20:37] Where's the ROM in this comm?

[20:39] There's no ROM.

[20:40] No ROM?

[20:41] There's no ROM in this comm.

[20:43] Sandra Bullock is hoisted on the shoulders of her supporters who just support her basically because she fell down a well.

[20:51] You know, like that's it.

[20:52] Like it's baby Jessica all over again.

S2

[20:54] Aspiring politicians fall down a hole.

Dan McCoy

[20:58] Well, I think that Ace in the Hole taught us that years and years and years ago.

[21:02] And Bradley Cooper looks on shaking his head as if to say like, oh, Sandra Bullock.

[21:07] You know, wicked smart, but we can't have a relationship.

[21:10] But God bless her.

[21:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:12] You know, God bless that crazy girl.

[21:14] She probably would have been pretty good in bed though.

Dan McCoy

[21:15] She would have been a demon in bed.

[21:18] The boots stay on.

Stuart Wellington

[21:20] Nice.

[21:21] That's pretty crazy.

[21:23] Okay.

[21:23] So yeah, that was pretty much.

[21:25] Oh, Jason Jones is in this.

[21:26] He's funny.

Dan McCoy

[21:27] A lot of fucking people are in this.

[21:28] Carrie Kinney Silver from the state in Reno 911 has a small role.

[21:32] As we said, DJ Cole, Katie Mixon, MC Ganey, as people know as Mr. Friendly from Lost,

[21:39] was in this movie as a trucker who gave Sandra Bullock a ride.

[21:42] It's good casting.

[21:43] Yeah, like, as I said before, like the below the line cast is amazing on this movie.

[21:49] Keith David.

[21:50] Keith David.

Stuart Wellington

[21:52] Who you might know from many video game voiceover works.

Dan McCoy

[21:55] Yeah, or the guy that Rowdy Roddy Piper fought with in They Live.

[21:59] Sure.

[22:00] But he was the boss of Bradley Cooper and Thomas Hayden Church.

[22:05] Like, really, a strong cast.

[22:07] They all read the script for All About Steve and they're like, sign me fucking up.

[22:11] And I might point out that, yeah, Steve's boss is terrible.

S2

[22:14] Yeah, just to continue that theme, he frequently puts things on the air live without any sort of pre-taping,

[22:21] or without any sort of coaching as to what's actually going to be covered.

Dan McCoy

[22:24] That sounds about right.

[22:25] Yeah, there's a thing where there's a hostage situation where there's a dead horse,

[22:30] and Thomas Hayden Church is making a big deal about the dead horse,

[22:32] but apparently the dead horse is just trained to fall over when he hears a gunshot,

[22:36] and there was a backfiring car.

[22:38] And so that was a big story that went out live.

Stuart Wellington

[22:41] It was a very unfunny scene that we all had to watch.

S2

[22:44] Which, pardon the impression again.

[22:47] But how much longer is a backfiring car going to be able to be a comedic trope?

[22:52] I mean, nobody has standard transmissions anymore.

[22:54] It's all automatic.

[22:55] Cars don't backfire anymore.

Dan McCoy

[22:57] You're ruining me living in this neighborhood, Brock,

[23:00] because for the audience, for the people who don't know where I live,

[23:05] which would be all of the Flophouse audience,

[23:07] I live in not a terrible neighborhood,

[23:11] but a neighborhood where I constantly hear things where I'm like,

[23:14] are those gunshots?

[23:16] And I tell myself that they're backfiring cars,

[23:18] and you're telling me that they're...

[23:20] Champagne popping.

[23:20] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:22] Somebody listening to the TV too loud.

S2

[23:24] We should also fill in that Dan does live in a neighborhood

[23:26] that has lots of champagne popping going on.

[23:28] Lots to celebrate in this neighborhood.

[23:30] Yeah.

[23:31] Life has been good to everybody who lives around these parts.

[23:34] Brooklyn.

[23:36] So, yeah, you're telling me that those are all gunshots.

Dan McCoy

[23:40] So, all right, thank you for that.

Stuart Wellington

[23:44] Anywho.

[23:45] At least they're not like crossbows.

[23:47] That'd be weird.

[23:48] That would be weird.

[23:49] They'd be on the lookout for vampires or some shit.

Dan McCoy

[23:52] If I heard a lot of bolts whizzing through the air.

[23:54] Yeah, like crossbow bolts.

[23:56] Yeah.

[23:57] So, speaking of crossbows.

[24:00] Okay.

[24:01] The presentation of crosswords in this film is a little strange to me.

[24:06] First off, Sandra Bullock, as we said, rom-com.

[24:11] She has to have a quirky job.

[24:13] And the job that they gave her was crossword writer.

[24:16] Yeah, that bothers you.

[24:17] It does bother me.

[24:18] Well, there's a lot of weird stuff.

[24:20] Like, the first scene that we see her, you know, interacting with her editor

[24:24] is her going in and insisting, like,

[24:27] hey, we could do crosswords five days a week.

[24:30] And it could be like the Times.

[24:32] And there'd be an easy one on Monday and a hard one on, you know, Friday.

[24:36] And the guy's like, yeah, we're a small newspaper.

[24:41] We can't do crosswords every weekday.

[24:44] So, apparently there's just one crossword a week for this newspaper.

[24:48] And I think that most newspapers that carry a crossword actually have crosswords all through the week.

Stuart Wellington

[24:55] Yeah, if only so people will, you know, like, will read it every week and do the crossword.

Dan McCoy

[25:01] Well, I think that, I mean, as print fails, like, the crossword is actually something that is still popular.

[25:06] People actually care about it.

[25:07] I mean, you know, now that Sudoku has come along, it's less popular.

[25:10] But people care about the crosswords.

[25:12] So, that was weird to me.

[25:14] Number one.

S2

[25:15] It's also, it was weird to me that then he used that as an opportunity to not only edit her work,

[25:21] but also edit her life the way she lives it.

[25:24] Saying, why don't you be more normal?

Dan McCoy

[25:26] Yeah, like, why don't you go out and have a date instead of coming out with extra crosswords?

[25:29] Why don't you go out to Chili's and have a nice meal?

[25:33] Margarita night.

[25:34] Yeah.

[25:34] It's ultimate margaritas at Chili's.

[25:37] But also, all about Steve, as we talked about, this crossword got through the...

[25:42] We got greenlit.

[25:43] Got through the editing process.

[25:46] I mean, there were, you know, questions like, you know, number one across,

[25:51] who would be something like, Steve's eye color?

[25:54] You know, like, number two across, we'd be like, what Steve's lips taste like.

Stuart Wellington

[25:58] What was strange was people's reaction to it, though.

[26:01] Yeah.

[26:01] Because we first see the reaction before finding out what the crossword actually was made up of.

[26:06] And people were like, this doesn't make sense.

[26:09] Well, that was fine.

[26:10] What's going on here?

[26:11] But what doesn't make sense to me is that, like, it's pretty clear that they just don't know who Steve is.

[26:16] Like, what color are Steve's eyes?

[26:19] Yeah, like, I don't know who the fuck Steve is.

[26:21] Like, it's not that it doesn't make sense.

[26:23] Like, it's not like they're trying to have me make a crossword in, like, three dimensions or something.

[26:29] That wouldn't make sense.

[26:30] But, like...

[26:31] That would blow your fucking mind.

[26:33] I would just be like, well, I don't know who Steve is, so that...

[26:36] I'm not...

[26:36] I can't answer this.

[26:37] This is too difficult.

[26:37] This is a bullshit crossword.

[26:38] It's too difficult is what I'm trying to say.

[26:40] It's not like they broke the laws of crosswords.

Dan McCoy

[26:43] No, I think it actually is more like they broke the laws of crosswords.

[26:46] Because, like, when you do a crossword...

[26:48] Because you lose gold wasn't one of the questions.

[26:50] No, but you're entering into a pact with the crossword writer.

[26:55] Like, okay, this is general knowledge.

[26:57] This is somehow knowable.

[26:59] Yeah, rather than, like, this is about a guy that I met.

S2

[27:03] Although I would like to see Will Shores put together something about a guy he met.

[27:08] If only just to see that window into his soul open up.

[27:11] These are the people he hangs out with.

[27:13] He has a mustache, just like Will.

[27:15] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:16] No, but what bothered me more was, like, in that montage, like, it started out, like, normal.

[27:21] Like, people, like, you know, doing the crossword on the bus.

[27:24] Like, oh, I hate this crossword.

[27:26] This doesn't make any sense.

[27:27] But then there was literally a scene where there...

[27:31] It was a bathroom, and all of the people in the bathroom stall...

[27:35] The camera panned down from one person in the bathroom stall to the next person, the next person.

[27:39] And they're all apparently doing this crossword at the same time, complaining about this crossword.

[27:43] And this is a town where, like, crosswords are the bee's knees.

[27:47] Everyone does the crossword.

[27:47] And apparently everybody uses the toilet at the same time.

[27:50] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[27:50] Because there were no empty stalls.

Dan McCoy

[27:52] Yes, everyone does the crossword while on the toilet and discusses the crossword with everyone else.

Stuart Wellington

[27:57] Because that's what they're doing is working the crossword in the toilet.

[28:02] In this day and age of, like, portable electronic devices, you would think that there wouldn't be quite as many people that are going nuts about the local paper's crosswords.

Dan McCoy

[28:11] Yeah, I do the crossword on my iPhone, but I do not do the local crossword.

Stuart Wellington

[28:15] Oh, really?

[28:16] I do whatever crossword.

[28:16] You do, like, a fancy crossword?

Dan McCoy

[28:19] Sure, whatever.

[28:20] Well, I mean, as a New Yorker, I have to say the local crossword is too hard for me.

[28:24] Okay.

[28:25] I do the onions crossword, which is easier.

[28:27] Okay, that's good.

[28:28] But anyway.

[28:29] You lose gold on there a lot?

Stuart Wellington

[28:31] You and you lose gold.

[28:33] It's a great movie, dude.

[28:34] Sure.

[28:34] So, what else is going on with this movie?

[28:38] I didn't really care about the crossword stuff.

[28:40] There wasn't any romance.

[28:43] And it wasn't funny.

[28:44] Was there any romance?

[28:44] I laughed at a couple of the Jason Jones jokes.

Dan McCoy

[28:48] Yeah, Jason Jones acquitted himself well.

[28:50] His game?

[28:50] We were talking about how it was bad that Elliot was...

[28:53] It was good that Elliot was not here because Elliot may need to make fun of his co-worker.

[28:59] Jason Jones.

[29:00] But Jason Jones was one of the bright spots in the film.

[29:02] Yeah.

[29:03] So, he came out of the movie relatively unscathed, I feel like.

[29:07] Ken Jeong.

[29:09] Ken Jeong of the Hangover fame, Knocked Up TV's community.

[29:16] Yeah.

[29:16] He was in this movie.

[29:17] Kind of a boring role for him.

[29:19] Yeah, very boring.

[29:21] Nothing to really say about him.

S2

[29:25] If you ever want to see Ken Jeong as a straight man, rent all about Steve.

Dan McCoy

[29:30] Yeah.

[29:31] If you're tired of him doing crazy funny improvs where he's yelling about stuff and wanted to

[29:36] just be like a pussycat character, this is the film for you.

Stuart Wellington

[29:41] Also, if you want to waste an evening, you can also rent this movie.

[29:47] Similar thing.

Dan McCoy

[29:48] If you want to hit yourselves in the balls with a hammer, you can watch this movie instead.

[29:54] If you don't have a hammer.

[29:55] Yeah, I mean, I guess the same feeling?

[29:58] Is that what you're going for?

[29:59] That's what I'm saying.

[29:59] Sure.

[30:00] It's equivalent.

S2

[30:00] If you ever want to see Sandra Bullock slide down a banister in nothing but a towel and

[30:04] a bathing cap.

[30:05] Why would she think that's a good idea?

Dan McCoy

[30:07] She's coming out of the bathroom.

[30:09] She's put a towel around her.

[30:10] The actress or the character?

[30:11] Well, anyone.

[30:13] Anyone.

[30:14] Anyone involved in the film.

[30:15] She's coming out of the bathroom.

[30:16] She's had a bath.

[30:18] She has just a towel around.

[30:19] And she's going to slide down a banister.

[30:22] And literally, you can imagine.

[30:24] You don't slide very well.

[30:26] No, but also, she slings her leg over.

[30:28] You can imagine her bare vagina is what is sliding down this banister.

[30:34] You're looking at me, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[30:35] I'm thinking about a bear's vagina right now.

Dan McCoy

[30:38] I thought you were looking at me as if you weren't imagining that.

[30:41] But that's the only thing you can think about.

[30:43] Like, she's nude and she's sliding down this banister.

S2

[30:47] It's an image that gets stuck in your head and it makes you realize why some people have

[30:50] sex with Nazis.

[30:53] I guess you're right.

[30:54] If you've ever wanted what drove a man to stick it into some white supremacist tattooed lady,

[31:03] it is that scene in the film.

Stuart Wellington

[31:06] Topical.

[31:07] Oh, right.

[31:08] The cowboy feller that she was married to.

Dan McCoy

[31:12] Jesse James.

Stuart Wellington

[31:13] Yeah.

[31:13] Of the James gang.

Dan McCoy

[31:16] Famous bank robber.

[31:19] Fell out of the time machine, right?

[31:22] Into a tattoo parlor.

[31:24] And married Oscar winner, Sandra Bullock.

Stuart Wellington

[31:27] And Razzie winner, right?

Dan McCoy

[31:28] Yeah, she won a Razzie for this role.

[31:30] She won a Razzie.

[31:31] Now, we should talk about that because she is desperately committed to this part.

[31:36] Like, she is really pouring her heart and soul into this and the movie is not giving back

[31:41] to her.

[31:42] Like, this is an ill-conceived role.

[31:47] This role is supposed to be lovably quirky, but you watch this film and you're like, this

[31:52] woman has a mental disorder of some kind.

[31:56] Like, she is way down on the Asperger scale.

[31:59] Like, she has a disability.

[32:03] Oh, clearly, yeah.

[32:04] Yeah.

[32:05] It's not funny.

[32:06] And it's not her bad highlights.

[32:08] Boom.

[32:09] Zing.

Stuart Wellington

[32:09] Boom, hairdresser.

[32:12] Now, I was about to make a comment like it might not be fair for her to get a Razzie

[32:17] because, I mean, her part's just written really poorly in a really poorly written movie

[32:21] in general.

[32:22] And as people reported, she was a good sport.

Dan McCoy

[32:24] She showed up to the Razzie.

[32:25] She accepted her Razzie in person.

Stuart Wellington

[32:27] And I guess when you're nominated for an Oscar, it's not like they're like, oh, well, the

[32:34] only reason they're winning is because their part was written really well.

[32:38] I mean, so I guess it's her fault.

Dan McCoy

[32:41] Certainly not true for the blind side.

[32:43] Zing.

[32:44] Boom.

[32:45] Man, good one, dude.

[32:46] Anyway.

S2

[32:47] Well, regardless, I mean, she's still a producer on the film.

[32:50] She has the power to rewrite stuff if it's not working.

[32:52] Yeah, there's a certain amount of culpability.

Stuart Wellington

[32:55] Yeah, it was really bad.

[32:56] She wasn't funny at all.

[33:00] There's a lot of failed attempts.

[33:02] Like, I haven't not – I mean, it's tough for a woman to be in a – kind of like a physical

[33:09] comedy, like a comedy –

[33:10] In a man's world, Stuart.

[33:11] In a man's world, absolutely, which is physical comedy to some extent.

[33:15] And, I mean, like, it hasn't been since we watched Dirty Love together that I've seen a woman

[33:20] try to do, like, wacky gross-out comedy or just wacky comedy and fail so badly.

[33:27] Yeah.

[33:27] And it'd be, like, ridiculously painful to watch.

Dan McCoy

[33:30] Oh, God.

[33:32] That's movie, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[33:33] But this movie didn't feature a scene where Jenny McCarthy is slipping around on her menstrual

[33:38] blood in a grocery store.

Dan McCoy

[33:41] That did not happen.

[33:42] No.

[33:43] I mean –

[33:43] This movie did have a tornado in it for some reason.

[33:46] There was a tornado.

[33:46] I mean, it had a tornado and Sandra Bullock falling down a well.

[33:50] Two things that I did not expect to see in All About Steve.

Stuart Wellington

[33:54] Yeah, actually.

[33:55] Those were surprises.

[33:57] I mean –

[33:58] I didn't spend 20 minutes of this movie in the bathroom crying like I expected, so that

[34:03] was kind of a surprise.

Dan McCoy

[34:06] Scrubbing yourself.

[34:07] Yep.

[34:08] Scrubbing the dirt off.

[34:09] But I just can't get clean.

S2

[34:10] I got to see Sandra Bullock's likeness carved into an apple, which is something that I never

[34:14] thought I'd see.

[34:15] That's true.

[34:15] You do get that –

[34:17] Yeah, DJ Qualls' character trait is he somehow makes a living selling apple carvings of famous

[34:22] people like Mother Teresa and –

Dan McCoy

[34:26] Skinny, thespian DJ Qualls.

[34:28] That's his quirky job in this film.

[34:31] It's a living.

S2

[34:33] Pays well enough to get bumper stickers made.

[34:35] Sure.

[34:36] Which is the last thing you see before the car disappears into a volcano.

[34:40] I mean, a tornado, rather.

[34:42] Wait.

[34:42] Oh, man.

[34:44] I didn't even see the cicadas.

[34:45] They're saving that for the sequel.

[34:48] Oh, that sounds great.

[34:49] And Sandra Bullock will somehow be able to reconstruct it out of the wreckage like she

[34:52] did in this film when the car disappeared in the tornado.

Stuart Wellington

[34:54] Yeah, yeah.

[34:55] They fixed the car.

[34:56] Oh, man.

[34:57] I don't even want to talk about that.

Dan McCoy

[34:59] This movie – I mean, in a way, this movie felt like a weird – like the movie wanted to be kind of a parody of a rom-com.

[35:07] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[35:08] Like, I feel like –

[35:09] Okay, try and sell me on this idea, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[35:11] I feel like it's two steps away from being a smarter movie that's like, hey, you know what?

[35:17] Every fucking protagonist in a romantic comedy is actually mentally ill.

[35:23] And what they're doing is stalking.

[35:25] And it's crazy.

[35:27] But this movie did not have the courage of its convictions because halfway through the movie, they start making Sandra Bullock a lovable misfit.

[35:35] And at the end of the movie, Bradley Cooper is like, oh, you know what?

Stuart Wellington

[35:38] She's just – you know, she's just a sweetheart.

Dan McCoy

[35:40] You know?

[35:41] She's – people don't understand her.

[35:44] She's smart and she's funny and she's great.

[35:47] And someday she's going to find someone who really makes her happy.

[35:50] You know?

[35:50] But like up until that point, like it kind of felt like it wanted to be a little smarter than it was and be like, you know what?

[35:59] These people are fucking loons.

[36:01] And you should be afraid of them.

S2

[36:04] Yeah, definitely.

[36:05] I mean all the other – the way the characters up until about the midpoint of the film react to Sandra Bullock's character is completely rational.

[36:12] I mean they openly tell her to her face that she is insane and that she shouldn't be behaving this way.

[36:18] And, you know, she is acting like a sociopath.

Stuart Wellington

[36:22] And that she makes a lot of these choices that are typical romantic comedy choices like just up and like running along to go see this guy.

[36:29] And like even the world starts going against her a little bit.

[36:32] Like the bus driver is like, man, this fucking bitch is crazy.

[36:34] And kicks her off the bus – or like tricks her to get off the bus.

[36:38] And it's almost like the world is trying to like show you that this person – like that kind of behavior is not going to actually succeed for you.

[36:47] Yeah.

[36:47] And in a way it doesn't.

[36:48] And in a way it doesn't.

Stuart Wellington

[36:48] But it's still – it's terrible.

[36:51] Good watch.

[36:52] Oh, God.

Dan McCoy

[36:54] I think that we need to shut it down, guys.

[36:56] I think we need to make our final judgments on this film.

[36:58] Okay.

[37:00] So, to sum up again for people who don't listen regularly, the categories are, is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie that you actually kind of liked in some way?

[37:13] Stuart, I'm going to go to you first because you were staring pensively off into the middle distance while wearing my hat.

Stuart Wellington

[37:22] I'm actually kind of divided on this one because it is a terrible movie and it isn't really that much fun to watch.

[37:29] But there's enough stupid stuff in it and enough stuff that is really questionable.

[37:35] A lot of the decisions are questionable that it makes it like you kind of want to watch it because it's kind of fun to watch this terribly made movie.

[37:43] And a lot of people that have been good in other things, like Keith David, for instance, getting a chance to act in a movie.

[37:51] So, I can't completely say one or the other.

[37:54] This is a terrible movie, though.

[37:56] Okay.

[37:56] It doesn't really work on any level.

[37:59] Brock, what do you have to say about it?

S2

[38:00] I would say that this is a bad, bad, bad, bad movie.

[38:04] Okay.

[38:05] It's good if you want to be infuriated by loose threads that are never explained.

[38:14] By the fact that it could not have been written if not for Wikipedia.

[38:17] The amount of trivia that is crammed into Sandra Bullock's dialogue.

[38:22] I did not enjoy this.

[38:23] It's not really dialogue, though.

Dan McCoy

[38:24] It's mainly just monologues.

S2

[38:25] Yeah, it's as if her inner monologue is somehow being broadcast to the viewers.

Stuart Wellington

[38:32] Such an irritating principal character.

[38:35] Like a character that every time she's on the screen, it makes you want to go into the other room.

[38:40] And that's a large portion of the movie.

[38:42] Yeah.

[38:42] True.

Dan McCoy

[38:44] I'm going to go...

[38:45] You know, it's going to be a full spectrum.

[38:47] I'm going to give this a marginal good-bad rating because I feel like it's a weird...

[38:54] This movie's a weird duck.

[38:55] There's, like, individual jokes in it that are actually genuinely funny.

[39:00] Because, like, somewhere...

[39:02] Someone involved in it had, like, some instincts to do, like, smart things.

[39:08] I mean, like, there's good casting.

[39:10] There's some, like, really, like, wacky stuff that is kind of funny.

[39:14] But, like, those good jokes are not connected to anything larger.

[39:19] As a movie, on the whole, it's, like, completely ill-conceived.

[39:24] The main character, as we said, is a lunatic who you don't have sympathy for because she's just irritating.

[39:32] And she doesn't have any, like, social sense of anything at all.

[39:38] However, like, part of the movie, like, wants to be a little subversive.

[39:44] And, you know, point out the fact that she's a lunatic who you should not be sympathizing with.

[39:50] But then the movie goes soft and, you know, wants to have it both ways and have her, like, be, like, a lovable misfit.

[39:56] But there's enough stuff in it that's just, like, so well-conceived that you have to see it that I kind of want to recommend it as a good, bad movie.

Stuart Wellington

[40:03] The thing is that, like, there's large chunks of the movie where they're trying to get across this message of, like, oh, just be yourself.

[40:11] Like, oh, Sandra Bullock, this quirky person.

[40:14] Like, oh, like, she's an original.

[40:17] But, no, in fact, she's, like, an autistic person.

[40:20] And not to say anything bad about autistic people, but, like, you don't want to be one.

[40:25] Like.

[40:26] Well, if you have the choice.

[40:27] Yeah, like, but what I'm trying to say is you're not, like, I want to be, like, a crazy autistic person.

[40:32] Like, nobody's going to say that.

[40:34] Not even an autistic person.

[40:36] So, I don't, like, that point doesn't work.

[40:39] Like, because she's not just, like, a quirky, creative person.

[40:42] She's a person with a handicap.

[40:45] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[40:46] Well, we're going to hear from a lot of people with autism, I feel like, after you've.

[40:51] I'm sorry.

[40:53] Crisis of birth.

[40:54] It's okay.

[40:55] All right.

[40:56] Well, now that that's been done, I'm going to move on to sort of mailbag.

[41:03] This is not technically the mailbag.

[41:04] This is, we're going to talk about some of the comments on the last episode.

[41:10] Okay.

[41:11] First off, we got a comment about how we were looking for flophouse babies.

[41:17] Okay.

[41:18] People who were conceived during the flophouse.

[41:21] And Guardo, the gentleman who has the Hotcakes podcast, who couldn't remember my name for a while, but then apologized for not knowing my name.

[41:29] Sure.

[41:30] You're not that memorable, I guess.

[41:32] Yeah.

[41:32] No, that's, we've established that.

[41:34] Stan, right?

[41:35] Stan McCoy?

[41:36] All about Stan.

[41:37] And by the way, this film, you know, all about Steve, not that great, but certainly better than the magnificent Stanbersons.

[41:47] And, but not quite as good as the postman always rings Gary.

[41:51] So, I just want to clear that up.

[41:54] But, Guardo says, just a comment regarding flophouse babies.

[41:59] My wife is pregnant with our first child who was conceived via IUI, intrauterine insemination.

[42:06] Congratulations.

[42:07] Yeah, congrats.

[42:08] But he says, since the podcast, or since the procedure was performed on a Monday, it's possible that the conception did take place while I was listening to the podcast.

[42:19] More specifically, it would have been the Dragon Ball Evolution episode.

[42:23] I've been racking my brain to figure out a way to name the child, regardless of sex, after all of you guys.

[42:28] Is there a single name that captures the spirit of Dan, Elliot, and Stuart, or do you guys happen to all share a middle name?

[42:35] That would be crazy, man.

Stuart Wellington

[42:36] What I would recommend first is to talk to your wife about this one.

[42:41] Number one.

Dan McCoy

[42:43] Yeah.

[42:46] Yeah, I don't know.

[42:49] El Danuart?

[42:51] Yeah, El Danuart.

[42:54] There's something very medieval about that name.

[42:57] I think that's like a forgotten knight.

[42:59] I think that's currently the fifth most popular male name.

Stuart Wellington

[43:05] It sounds like the title of a Spanish robber.

Dan McCoy

[43:10] El Danuart.

[43:11] Yeah.

[43:12] We meet again.

[43:13] We meet again.

[43:14] I don't want to take anything away from this fine gentleman because he's the only one who's so far responded to our call.

[43:24] Conceived a baby to Wallace to the Flop House.

[43:26] Exactly.

[43:27] But I don't know whether this counts.

[43:29] I don't know whether insemination counts as conceiving to the Flop House.

[43:34] Well, it's not like they were fucking walled at Flop House.

[43:36] Religion doesn't have to come into this, dude.

Stuart Wellington

[43:39] I don't know what you're saying about religion.

[43:41] Oh, okay.

[43:42] I thought you were saying something about religion.

Dan McCoy

[43:43] No, I'm saying that I want people to be involved in the carnal act of love while listening to our show.

[43:51] I want to think of us as like facilitators.

[43:53] We set a romantic mood.

Stuart Wellington

[43:55] So you're more interested in finding out the people that have sex while listening to our podcast rather than the actual creation of children.

Dan McCoy

[44:04] No, look.

[44:05] Childbirth is a miracle, Stuart.

[44:07] No doubt.

[44:09] But I want to hear the dirty, dirty stories of people fucking while listening to our show.

[44:16] That's what I want to hear.

S2

[44:17] Cool.

Dan McCoy

[44:17] I mean, Brock, you can understand this.

S2

[44:20] Well, I think my main concern is that why would you ever deprive the world of a little Guardo Jr.

[44:24] Or Guardo II.

[44:26] I like that.

[44:27] It's such a great name.

Dan McCoy

[44:28] You don't need to make it Flop House related.

[44:32] I mean, you have a name like Guardo.

[44:35] It's a beautiful name.

[44:36] Pass it on to the next.

[44:37] It's musical.

S2

[44:38] Yeah, I also too want to hear dirty, dirty tales of banging to a podcast.

[44:45] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:46] I mean, I think about Elliot while I do it.

[44:48] Does that count?

Dan McCoy

[44:49] That's the only way you can maintain an erection.

Stuart Wellington

[44:52] Yeah.

[44:53] Oh, I'm not going to keep talking.

Dan McCoy

[44:56] So I'm just going to run through.

[45:00] Like we had a lot of comments in the last show.

[45:02] I'm going to run through.

[45:03] Is that like a good thing?

[45:04] Well, no, it is a good thing.

[45:05] But there was a request.

[45:07] We should do a Flop House movie minute of your depressing recipes.

Stuart Wellington

[45:11] Okay.

[45:12] Oh, for...

[45:12] Wait.

[45:13] What was depressing about it?

Dan McCoy

[45:14] Your unemployment recipes.

[45:15] Okay.

[45:16] As one of the commenters says, Matt, he says, I was trying to remember all of Stuart's recipes

[45:22] from memory last night and could only remember the grilled cheese hamburger one.

[45:27] That's a good one.

S2

[45:28] Yeah.

[45:28] What is that exactly?

Stuart Wellington

[45:29] Well, okay.

[45:30] What you do is you make a...

[45:32] You've had a hamburger before, right, Brock?

[45:34] I have.

[45:35] Well, I'm going to flip your lid.

[45:37] Imagine instead of two buns, okay?

[45:39] Okay.

[45:40] You have two grilled cheese sandwiches.

[45:41] And then the burger in the middle?

[45:42] Burger in the middle.

[45:43] Now, let's take that a step further.

[45:45] Okay.

[45:46] Instead of bread, you have Red Baron frozen pizzas.

[45:51] Okay?

[45:51] Okay.

[45:52] And instead of cheese, you have like cream cheese or like Gruyere or Brie.

[45:57] And then for the bottom, we're going to make this even crazier.

[46:00] You have two Oreo pizzas.

[46:03] Okay?

[46:03] The dessert pizzas.

[46:05] Okay?

[46:05] And instead of cheese, you have...

[46:08] Well, I mean, you still have cheese.

[46:09] Probably cheddar.

[46:11] I think cheddar.

[46:11] Yeah.

[46:11] Cheddar goes well with most sweets.

[46:13] Something to add.

[46:14] You know, like an apple pie with cheddar on it.

[46:16] Yeah.

[46:17] So that's the...

[46:18] And then you have, obviously, you know, 100% ground beef.

[46:22] I usually go a little bit lean sometimes.

[46:24] Instead of beef, I use bison meat.

[46:25] Okay?

[46:26] Because that's a little better for me.

[46:27] Sure.

[46:27] Yeah, a little healthy.

[46:27] Or a little ostrich, maybe.

[46:29] I prefer the bison because it makes me feel more like a guy who just killed a bison.

[46:34] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[46:35] You feel like you're depleting one of the natural resources of this great land.

Stuart Wellington

[46:38] Yeah.

[46:38] Well, what about an ostrich, dude?

[46:41] They're endangered, too.

Dan McCoy

[46:43] It's not indigenous, though.

Stuart Wellington

[46:45] Well, yeah.

[46:45] I mean, if I was Australian, it would be, right?

[46:47] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[46:48] Well, sure.

[46:48] Fair enough.

[46:50] Anyway, we're going to continue.

[46:53] We're running low on time, actually.

[46:54] Apparently, we had more to say about this film.

[46:58] But, um, there was...

[47:00] The message boards were on fire, Stuart.

[47:02] They were on fire about Back to the Future Part 2.

[47:05] And they were all in agreement that I was right that there was a paradox in Back to the Future Part 2.

[47:10] I just recommend that everyone listening goes to, um, theflophousepodcast.com, www.theflophousepodcast.com, and reads the comments about Back to the Future Part 2 and the paradox inherent in it.

Stuart Wellington

[47:25] Are you talking to our listeners or me?

Dan McCoy

[47:27] I am talking specifically to you, Stuart, because you seem so disinterested in my long digression about Back to the Future.

[47:35] Your Biff World argument?

[47:38] No, it was not a Biff World.

[47:39] Go back and listen to the Law Abiding Citizen.

[47:42] But there was a commenter that said specifically that he finds it amusing that all of the comments about, on the message boards were about Back to the Future and not Law Abiding Citizen.

[47:58] That was, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[48:00] Well, apparently, that was like an open and shut case.

[48:02] Like, there's nothing more that can be said about Law Abiding Citizen after what we said.

Dan McCoy

[48:05] Yeah, but there's a rich vein to dive into with the Back to the Future films.

Stuart Wellington

[48:09] Yeah, Law Abiding Citizen, you've been served.

[48:12] Stick a fork in that movie, it's been properly...

Dan McCoy

[48:16] Step up to the streets.

[48:17] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[48:19] Are we going to watch...

[48:20] There's a 3D one of those coming out.

[48:22] Are we going to watch that?

Dan McCoy

[48:22] Holy shit, we are going to...

[48:23] Well, that's this summer.

Stuart Wellington

[48:25] It'll be weird, though, because...

[48:26] Wait, can we watch it in 3D on the TV?

[48:28] Here, we might have to go to the movie theater.

[48:30] We may have to go to the movie theater and do a flop house...

[48:33] Excursion.

[48:34] Flop house trip.

[48:35] Which we'll let everybody know when we're going, so we can get a theater bursting with flop house fans.

[48:42] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[48:42] I'm sure that'll happen.

[48:45] Now, the next thing that we do here is we talk about movies that we actually enjoyed.

[48:49] Just to make us seem less like jerks.

[48:53] And so, Brock, I know that you've put a lot of thought into this.

[48:57] I have.

S2

[48:57] Yeah, this is a movie that I saw recently with Elliot.

[49:02] It's entitled A New Leaf.

[49:05] It's written and directed and starring Elaine May.

[49:09] It's one of her first filmmaking efforts.

[49:13] It also stars Walter Matthau as an incredibly obscenely rich millionaire who has lost all his money through his profligate ways.

[49:24] And he comes up with a deal with his uncle who hates him.

[49:29] Basically, loan me $50,000 for the next six weeks.

[49:34] And I will find somebody that I can marry and then live off of for the rest of my life.

[49:39] And what Walter Matthau then hides from his uncle is that if he doesn't find a wife within six weeks, he is going to kill himself.

[49:47] So it's a whirlwind tour of all the freakish women of high society.

[49:53] And eventually, right before the end of the six weeks, he finds Elaine May's character who is quirky, but charmingly so.

[50:02] Unlike Sandra Bullock.

[50:04] Exactly.

[50:04] The quirks are maintained.

[50:06] She actually shows proficiency at her job, which is botany.

[50:11] She is constantly and appropriately using metaphors related to her job, unlike Sandra Bullock in this film, who is amazingly adept at talking about crossword puzzling in a vague and non-specific way.

[50:30] But anyway, to get back to A New Leaf, which is a very funny, very entertaining film, I would recommend it highly.

[50:37] It's after Walter Matthau attempts to woo Elaine May, he decides that he's going to kill her and take over her estate.

[50:49] But as time goes on, realizes that he has second thoughts about his course of action.

[50:55] And it also stores a surprisingly sexy Doris Roberts, which is a side of her that I never thought I would see.

[51:04] I'm not surprised.

[51:06] Okay.

[51:07] But yeah, very entertaining.

[51:09] It's a rom-com that is heavy on the com, which will be a nice palate cleanser after anybody who dares to watch All About Steve.

Dan McCoy

[51:19] Well, I haven't watched anything new recently.

[51:22] I haven't had time to watch anything new recently that I would recommend.

[51:25] But I did re-watch The Man Who Wasn't There, which is a Coen Brothers movie that I feel was unjustly forgotten.

S2

[51:33] Yeah, I agree with you 100%.

[51:35] I think that every day that goes by, I think that might be their best film.

Dan McCoy

[51:39] Really?

[51:39] Yeah.

[51:40] I don't know if I would go that far, but it's a very strong movie that, you know, it came, did it come directly after Fargo or directly after Oh Brother Where Art Thou?

S2

[51:51] Yeah, it came, I think it was even the same year as Oh Brother Where Art Thou, or at least within the same 12 months.

[51:56] Yeah.

[51:56] Because it was, yeah, it came back to back really quickly.

[52:00] And yeah, for whatever reason, I agree with you, sort of slipped off the radar for whatever reason.

Dan McCoy

[52:04] And I like Oh Brother Where Art Thou a lot, but I actually like The Man Who Wasn't There better.

[52:08] And I like The Man Who Wasn't There better than some of the later Coen Brothers movies that have gotten sort of more respect.

[52:16] Because it's more Coen-y.

[52:18] Like, it has a lot of distilled Coen-ness.

[52:21] And it's beautifully shot.

[52:23] It's, I mean, it's a pastiche, but it's not, like, slavishly so.

[52:28] Like, it has its own thing going on.

[52:32] It manages to take all of these cultural, like, signifiers from the time period that it's set in and turn them into something new.

[52:42] And I feel like the end of The Man Who Wasn't There is actually deeply moving.

S2

[52:48] Absolutely, yeah.

[52:48] I mean, it's an incredibly funny film.

[52:50] But at the same time, there's, like, a rich vein of sadness that gets mined frequently.

[52:57] And, yeah, Billy Bob Thornton's, his performance I always find fascinating in how much he's able to convey without doing anything.

Dan McCoy

[53:09] Well, I think the Coens, like, I mean, the rap against them is always that they're, like, these unsympathetic puppet masters.

[53:16] But I feel like, I don't know, I feel like that's people who, I actually, like, I said this online.

[53:22] Like, I was writing something.

[53:23] I feel like this is people who confuse being nice with being good.

[53:28] Like, I, you know, the Coens do not ever, you know, allow their characters to get away with anything.

[53:36] Like, they cast a very stern eye on them.

[53:40] But at the same time, like, there's a lot of sympathy and empathy there, I feel like, for their characters.

[53:45] And, you know, Billy Bob Thornton is this guy who's caught up in something sort of larger that he doesn't ever fully understand.

[53:54] But it's very sad and touching at the end, you know, like, where he comes to.

[54:01] Stuart, what do you think?

Stuart Wellington

[54:03] Well, guys, I'm going to recommend a movie that I saw recently.

[54:09] But I'm not actually going to talk very much about it because I think a lot has already been said.

[54:16] Watched Rambo First Blood Part 2.

[54:20] And there's this really awesome scene where he's shooting arrows at a village and all the village explodes.

[54:29] And there's this other scene where this woman he loves gets shot with an AK-47 by a bunch of dudes with AK-47s.

[54:38] So he picks up an AK-47 and kind of fires indiscriminately at them.

[54:43] And one by one, they start falling down dead.

[54:46] And, yeah, he fires way more bullets than would be in the clip.

[54:51] But that's cool because it's Rambo, man.

[54:54] So, yeah, Rambo First Blood Part 2.

[54:56] Good movie.

Dan McCoy

[54:57] Fair enough.

[54:58] The full spectrum tonight of recommendations.

Stuart Wellington

[55:02] Laughs, sadness, and awesome battling.

[55:07] Hey, guys.

[55:08] How about Steve?

[55:10] Yeah.

[55:11] Plugs?

[55:12] Anyone want to plug?

[55:13] I've got to plug something.

Dan McCoy

[55:13] Oh, yeah.

[55:14] You wanted to plug something.

[55:15] All right, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[55:15] I've got to plug something.

[55:16] First of all, I'd like everyone to know that if you live in the Park Slope or, what, Windsor Terrace?

[55:21] No, I don't know.

[55:23] If you live near Flatbush, you should go to Charlene's Bar to watch the World Cup because we just got a projector and it's really cool.

[55:31] And we're going to be serving bagels and coffee.

[55:34] And I'm going to be there.

[55:35] So, if you want to talk about soccer or crappy movies, I'll be there.

[55:38] And I'll be working.

[55:40] I got a job, Dan.

[55:42] Holy shit.

[55:42] I did, yeah.

[55:43] Talk about burying the lead.

[55:45] I know.

[55:46] I'm going to be working a couple of shifts at Prospect Park for Celebrate Brooklyn.

[55:51] So, if you want to see me working.

Dan McCoy

[55:52] Now, this is a free concert series that Brooklyn puts on in Prospect Park.

Stuart Wellington

[55:56] So, and if you want to see, I have a free autograph from Stuart, you can come by and yell at me and I'll sign something for you.

[56:04] Yeah, you'll be at the bar.

[56:05] Probably, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:06] All right.

[56:07] Well, I mean, as long as we're plugging things, I will plug 9ammeeting.com.

[56:12] Do it.

[56:12] My animated web series.

[56:14] Brock, would you like to plug something?

S2

[56:15] I'll plug whimquarterly.com, the humor magazine that's currently now in its third issue.

[56:22] It features writing from people like Dan and a lot of other very talented people.

[56:28] And it's a humor magazine.

[56:30] It's printed on flammable paper.

[56:31] You know, the heat goes out one cold winter night.

[56:34] You're going to wish that you'd bought 20, so you have some kindling for the fire.

[56:37] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[56:37] You get some laughs and then you get a fire.

S2

[56:39] Yeah.

[56:39] You get bigger laughs as you watch it, you know, crinkle and burn in the flames.

Dan McCoy

[56:43] It's beautifully put together.

[56:44] If I was not a contributor, I would still enjoy this magazine.

[56:49] So, guys, I guess that's it.

[56:52] Brock, I hope that you have lived to regret insisting upon a worse movie than Paul Blart

[56:59] Mall Club.

S2

[57:00] I'm going to ask for a secretly good movie for next time around, but thank you very much

[57:03] for having me.

[57:04] I'd request one of those, too.

[57:06] But, yeah, this is the second time that I've done it and it's always a lot of fun, so thanks

[57:10] for having me back.

Dan McCoy

[57:11] Thanks for coming.

[57:13] And it's time to sign off.

[57:15] For The Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[57:17] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[57:19] And I've been Brock Mahan.

Stuart Wellington

[57:21] Good night, everyone.

[57:21] You're taller than Elliot, too.

[57:24] I think that goes to your credit.

[57:40] I mean, I don't have any...

[57:42] I don't have a background in...

[57:43] I'm not a working screenwriter or anything, Dan.

[57:48] I'm not a working comedy writer.

Dan McCoy

[57:50] I'm not a working comedy writer either.

The Flop House: Episode #60 - All About Steve

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