The Flop House: Episode #61 - Surrogates

Dan McCoy

[0:00] I am Robot, and so is everyone else.

[0:03] In this episode, we discuss the Bruce Willis film, Surrogates.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] I'm Elliot Kalin.

Dan McCoy

[0:39] Holy shit, all three of us?

Elliott Kalan

[0:41] Back together again.

Dan McCoy

[0:42] In the same room?

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] Reunited, and it feels... eh.

Dan McCoy

[0:46] Yeah, I mean, it was okay.

[0:48] Yeah, yeah.

[0:48] This is becoming an all-too-rare occurrence, guys.

[0:52] Is it me?

[0:53] Yeah.

[0:53] Have I done something?

Elliott Kalan

[0:54] I mean, in a word, yes, but in a longer word, no.

[0:57] Actually, I guess that's a shorter word.

[1:00] No, you know, we're busy people, unfortunately.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02] Elliot travels a lot.

[1:03] I travel a lot.

[1:04] I'm just spending...

[1:04] I was working on that travel blog.

[1:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:07] My travel blog, what places would have looked like when dinosaurs were there.

[1:11] I take photos of foreign places, and then I draw in dinosaurs in marker over the photos

[1:17] and show what it would look like if there were dinosaurs there.

Stuart Wellington

[1:19] Okay, I like that.

[1:20] Why marker?

[1:21] Why is marker your medium?

Elliott Kalan

[1:22] That's just what I happen to have on hand.

[1:24] Okay, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[1:25] You should use charcoal.

[1:28] Charcoal?

[1:28] It makes it look more old-timey, like when dinosaurs were around.

Elliott Kalan

[1:32] But you mean, like the 19th century, you're saying, when dinosaurs were around?

[1:35] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:35] You know, these, like, gloss finish photographs, I think it would be hard to...

[1:39] Yeah, the charcoal wouldn't really stick to it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:41] I mean, the marker smears.

[1:42] That's the other problem.

[1:43] So it looks like if a dinosaur was, like, walking past, like, a greasy window.

Stuart Wellington

[1:48] Yeah.

[1:49] Or an action scene shot by Ridley Scott.

[1:51] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53] Ow!

[1:54] Take that, Sir Ridley.

[1:57] Director of the upcoming Monopoly, the movie.

Dan McCoy

[2:01] So we watched a movie tonight.

[2:03] We did at that.

[2:04] It was called...

[2:05] Another notch in our belts.

[2:07] Surrogates.

[2:09] Or...

[2:10] Surrogates.

Elliott Kalan

[2:12] How I learned to stop worrying and love the surrogates.

Dan McCoy

[2:16] This is the second movie that we watched, The Flophouse, that involves a world where people have avatars that they spend much of their time.

[2:26] Or in this case, all of their time.

[2:27] All of their time.

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] What was the first one?

[2:29] Gamer.

[2:30] Oh, I didn't see that.

[2:32] Oh, you weren't there for that one?

[2:33] Oh, that's right.

[2:34] That's right.

[2:34] Can you...

[2:35] Can we...

[2:36] Can you summarize that?

[2:37] Well, except...

Dan McCoy

[2:38] Well, we recorded an entire podcast about it.

[2:40] Well, the difference...

[2:41] Oh, okay.

[2:41] And how would I download that?

[2:42] You would go to flophousepodcast.com, www.flophousepodcast.com.

[2:48] But I'm an iTunes user.

[2:50] Well, if you just put in...

[2:51] Well, there's an RSS feed that you can find on the aforementioned flophousepodcast.com site.

Elliott Kalan

[2:56] You also...

[2:57] If you type in the Flophouse on Google, this podcast's page is the first thing that comes up.

Dan McCoy

[3:02] Or you can type the Flophouse into iTunes itself and click subscribe.

Elliott Kalan

[3:06] Where would I type it into?

[3:07] In the search box.

[3:08] Oh, search box.

[3:09] In the search box.

[3:09] That makes so much sense.

Dan McCoy

[3:10] Yeah, I feel like an idiot saying that.

[3:11] So let's not spend any more time...

[3:13] I'm typing it into a Word document.

Elliott Kalan

[3:14] I can't find it.

Dan McCoy

[3:15] Let's not spend any more time explaining either gamer or podcasts to people who have already

[3:20] downloaded this podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[3:21] I'll just say, to remind people, the difference in gamer what?

[3:24] In surrogates, people have robots that they control remotely and that the robots take their

[3:29] place.

[3:29] They remote control.

[3:31] Yeah.

[3:32] What?

[3:32] But I mean, remote control is not a verb.

[3:34] It's a noun.

[3:35] Control remotely is...

[3:36] Anywho.

[3:38] In this one, you have a robot and the robot takes your place in normal life.

[3:41] In gamer...

Dan McCoy

[3:42] That sounds like a horrible thing.

[3:44] Like a robot doppelganger comes in and steals their life.

Elliott Kalan

[3:48] In gamer, it was normal people who, as a job, allowed their bodies to be controlled remotely

[3:56] by other people for...

[3:57] Like a sublet.

[3:58] ...violent or perverse purposes.

[4:00] Yeah.

[4:00] Or if you were, in the case of Gerard Butler, you're, I guess, in prison and as part of

[4:04] your punishment, you get thrown into the game.

Stuart Wellington

[4:06] And why was he in prison?

Elliott Kalan

[4:08] Okay.

[4:09] I actually don't remember.

[4:10] I'm a show for gamer.

[4:11] But surrogates, on the other hand, it posits a world where Dr. James...

[4:15] Professor James Cromwell has invented a way to control robots with your brain.

[4:19] Okay.

[4:19] And according to the movie...

[4:21] This has swept the nation.

[4:22] According to the movie, the world, 95% of humanity uses robots now in their entire daily

[4:28] lives and stay at home and lie in bed all day.

Dan McCoy

[4:30] Where the money comes from to manufacture these robots.

[4:34] Or to buy the robots.

[4:35] Yeah.

[4:35] Well, that's what I'm saying.

[4:36] I mean, there must be huge amounts of production costs in building these high-tech robots.

[4:44] So the fact that 95% of humanity can somehow afford these robots seems kind of...

Stuart Wellington

[4:49] Dan, can I just point out that 20 years ago, if you said that everybody was going to be

[4:53] walking around with a little personal telephone that they could talk to each other with,

[4:58] they would have said madness.

[4:59] 20 years ago was 1990, and cell phones existed.

[5:03] Yeah, but only, like, Zach Morris had them.

Elliott Kalan

[5:05] And he could stop time.

[5:07] Yeah, he was a wizard.

[5:08] Yeah.

[5:08] I mean, sheer...

[5:09] The chronomancer, I believe, is the thing.

Dan McCoy

[5:11] You know, sheer, like, tangible, like, physical, like, size of the objects on that side.

[5:17] You know, like, I mean, this seems...

[5:18] This seems to be, like, equated more to, like, a high-end car, though.

Elliott Kalan

[5:22] Yeah.

[5:23] They...

[5:23] And...

[5:23] Although...

[5:24] But there...

[5:24] We see there are different levels of robots.

[5:26] Some are crappier than others.

[5:28] Not really.

[5:28] Just the...

[5:29] There's the one.

[5:30] Well, the army ones look a little bit less...

[5:32] Like crash test.

[5:33] Luxurious.

[5:34] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:34] And there's that one lady that looked like she was just wearing rubber gloves.

Elliott Kalan

[5:37] And those were her robot hands.

[5:39] Yes.

[5:40] But it's...

[5:41] Lame.

[5:42] But it's...

[5:42] The movie implies that...

[5:43] Or it's outright states that 95% of humanity would rather lie in a room all day instead of going outside.

[5:49] And also that doing so would end racism and most crime.

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Yeah.

[5:54] I'm not really sure how it ends crime.

[5:57] I mean, later on, we see that, you know, like, there's some sort of domestic abuse going on.

[6:03] And someone at Robot Central is surveilling this and remotely shuts off the robot.

[6:08] But we were told that that is new technology.

[6:12] That they can do that.

[6:13] So I'm not sure why, like, having a bunch of robots running around keeps crime...

[6:18] Violent crime down.

[6:19] Because it seems like they would just be beating on each other as soon as they realize that there's no, like, moral reason why they shouldn't...

Elliott Kalan

[6:26] Like that baseball video game where it's robots.

[6:29] Right.

Dan McCoy

[6:29] Or, you know, like, your Grand Theft Auto, whatever.

[6:32] Like, it seems like that would be what would happen.

[6:35] Like, mere anarchy would be loosed upon the world.

Elliott Kalan

[6:37] Also, it's like, I have a surrogate robot that stands in for me and, you know, so I can put, like, I can control my life.

[6:46] But I still have to, like, ride the subway or ride a car, you know.

[6:51] Ride a car?

[6:52] Yeah, you know.

[6:53] Drive a car.

Stuart Wellington

[6:54] Oh, drive.

[6:55] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[6:55] No, but that's the thing.

[6:56] You can put a saddle on it.

[6:58] But we've seen it.

[6:58] But we see throughout the movie that the surrogates are super strong.

[7:01] They can jump really far.

[7:03] Like, why would you bother...

[7:04] Why would they still go through the motions of commuting when you could, like, just have your surrogate run to work, you know, or something like that?

Stuart Wellington

[7:12] That seems more exciting.

[7:13] I don't know.

[7:13] Like, they don't really cover...

[7:14] Maybe they're able to put their brains on, like, an autopilot or something or...

[7:18] Maybe.

[7:18] And you don't see the surrogates, like, reading books or anything.

[7:21] No.

[7:22] That's true.

[7:23] They do watch a lot of TV.

Elliott Kalan

[7:24] I assume.

[7:25] We don't see that either.

[7:26] Yeah.

[7:27] But, uh, we anyway were told in the very beginning that this is now the new standard.

[7:31] But there are preserves where humans who refuse to use robots live.

[7:37] And they somehow are, like...

[7:39] Like an autonomous...

[7:40] Yeah.

[7:41] Yeah.

[7:41] Autonomous, like, extra-legal territorial zones.

[7:44] There's...

[7:44] The main one we see in the movie is right in the middle of Boston.

[7:47] And as soon as you pass through their gates, it's like, you know, Mad Max where everyone

[7:52] has a shotgun and they...

Dan McCoy

[7:54] This reservation is built on top of a dump.

[7:57] Like, it is just piles of rubble and refuse and waste.

[8:03] And a nice garden.

[8:04] Yeah.

[8:04] And, uh...

[8:05] Once you get further in, I guess that they're...

[8:07] That outside stuff is to scare away the surrogates.

[8:10] Yeah.

[8:10] Because they're like, I don't want to go in there.

Stuart Wellington

[8:12] That's a post-apocalyptic hellscape.

[8:14] The middle is, like, Colonial Williamsburg or something.

[8:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:17] Yeah.

[8:18] It won't...

Stuart Wellington

[8:18] Kids playing stickball.

Dan McCoy

[8:20] They had...

[8:21] Hoops.

[8:21] They're running out.

[8:22] They're smelling flowers.

Elliott Kalan

[8:23] Hitting hoops with sticks to get them to move.

Dan McCoy

[8:26] That's just a slippery slope to robots, though.

[8:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:30] It's hoops.

[8:30] Yeah.

[8:31] And those guys are led by a character called the Prophet who is Ving Rhames with lots of

[8:36] dreadlocks.

Stuart Wellington

[8:37] It's a really inventive name.

[8:39] Creative.

[8:39] Creative character they name.

[8:40] The Prophet.

Elliott Kalan

[8:41] Yeah.

[8:42] And the guys who don't believe in robots are called Dreads.

[8:46] Even though none of them have dreadlocks except for Ving Rhames.

[8:50] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:50] Yeah.

[8:50] His dreadlock wig.

[8:52] Because Ving Rhames, I don't know if our listeners are aware, the actor does not have super long

[8:58] dreadlocks.

[8:59] He's a clean cut sort of fellow.

[9:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:01] Yeah.

[9:02] Family man.

[9:03] Only occasionally do his dogs go crazy and kill landscapers.

[9:08] Yeah.

[9:09] Well, it happened once.

[9:10] But into this incredibly well-conceived world walks a cop, Bruce Willis.

[9:17] Sure.

[9:17] He's got a chip on his shoulder.

[9:19] He's got a microchip on his shoulder.

[9:21] That's hilarious.

[9:21] Because he also uses a surrogate.

[9:23] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[9:24] He doesn't like his...

[9:25] Did you say microchip because it's related to a problem with his son?

Elliott Kalan

[9:30] No, I didn't.

[9:31] But sure.

[9:33] Because the children are small.

[9:34] That's what the kids are calling.

[9:35] I think we made a lot of headway on this one.

Dan McCoy

[9:38] Microchips off the old block.

[9:40] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[9:41] That sounds like a Disney movie about a robot boy from like 1978.

Dan McCoy

[9:47] Yeah, the kid's name's Chip.

[9:48] Kurt Russell.

Elliott Kalan

[9:49] Kurt Russell plays the dad and the robot.

[9:53] And Don Knotts plays the crazy inventor.

Dan McCoy

[9:56] And Dean Jones is the suspicious neighbor.

[9:59] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[9:59] That kid's a robot.

[10:00] Oh, also he turns into a dog sometimes.

[10:02] Yep.

[10:04] He's like a transmorfer.

[10:07] Yep.

[10:07] And it's called the computer wore women's clothing when no one was around.

[10:11] The story of a cross-dressing teen super genius.

[10:19] Disney is the...

[10:21] The starring movie is Bruce Willis.

[10:23] It may remind me of another Bruce Willis movie, Disney is the Kid.

[10:27] Which I guess...

[10:28] Where he visits himself as a kid.

[10:31] Or himself as a kid comes and visits him.

[10:33] How Disney is the kid?

[10:33] Not just a kid.

[10:35] Well, the thing is also like...

[10:36] I guess they called it that because they wanted to differentiate from Charlie Chaplin's The Kid.

[10:41] Like, listen, a movie with this title came out 80 years ago.

[10:45] We better put some possessiveness on this.

Stuart Wellington

[10:47] Well, yeah, because you'd go to the local picture house and say,

[10:51] Excuse me, one for the kids, sir.

[10:53] And you'll be disappointed when they say you do this.

[10:54] I wanted Disney's The Kid.

Dan McCoy

[10:57] I never.

[10:58] I wanted to differentiate from people's children.

[11:01] Like, people's own children.

Elliott Kalan

[11:02] It just says the kid on the matinee.

[11:04] Like, how did my son get in a movie?

[11:06] Oh, Disney's The Kid.

Dan McCoy

[11:08] That would have actually been like a better business plan for Disney.

[11:12] Because people would be rushing in.

[11:14] You know, like paying to rescue their children.

[11:16] Yeah, because people are idiots.

[11:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:18] And when they see the kid written on a marquee,

[11:21] they would assume it was speaking to them directly.

[11:24] Anyway, Bruce Willis uses a surrogate.

[11:27] His surrogate looks like...

Stuart Wellington

[11:27] That's what I felt when I saw throw Mama from the train.

[11:31] It's like, I will not, sir.

[11:33] No.

Elliott Kalan

[11:33] No, Marquis.

[11:34] Stop telling me these things.

[11:36] I refuse.

[11:38] Yeah.

[11:38] And I did listen when it told me to not tell Mom that the babysitter had died.

[11:43] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[11:44] But that was because in your case, the babysitter had not died.

[11:47] Yeah, it would have been a lie.

Stuart Wellington

[11:49] Yeah, when it knew what I had done last summer.

[11:51] Yeah, I went and saw a scream.

[11:52] I mean, come on.

Elliott Kalan

[11:56] Oh, Larfs.

[11:56] Okay, so what I want.

[11:58] The timeline on that is correct.

[12:01] Thanks, joke fact checker.

[12:04] I was waiting.

[12:05] Now I will laugh.

[12:06] Now that I know that you could have seen Scream the year before,

[12:08] I know what you did last summer.

[12:09] Ha ha!

[12:10] Ha ha!

[12:11] So surrogates.

[12:13] Bruce Willis is...

[12:15] His surrogate is just him, but like tanner and airbrush,

[12:17] and he has a shitty toupee.

[12:19] Pardon my language.

[12:19] A blonde wig.

[12:21] But Bruce Willis is...

[12:22] How many wigs do you think they went through for this one?

[12:25] What, in the planning stages?

[12:26] Yeah.

[12:26] I assume they had design artists working for months.

[12:29] Yeah, they're like, more fake looking.

[12:31] Mark Crash McCreary was doing sketches of what the wigs would look like.

[12:37] He has a problem with his wife because his wife refuses to do anything not in her surrogate body.

[12:43] And it stems from the fact...

[12:45] I think you guys know what he's talking about, gents.

[12:47] Yeah, we've all been there.

[12:48] Oh boy.

[12:48] You know.

[12:49] Well, going on vacation is the main example we get in this.

[12:52] Yeah, that is the main example.

[12:53] But it seems to stem from the fact that they had a son who died in some sort of unspecified accident,

[12:59] and their marriage has never healed.

[13:01] I think her face got fucked up a little bit.

[13:02] And her face got a little scarred, yeah, in whatever accident it was.

Dan McCoy

[13:05] So she's retreating into a robot.

[13:08] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[13:11] Just like ordinary people.

[13:13] Just like ordinary people but with robots.

[13:15] Ordinary robots.

[13:17] Yeah.

[13:18] Anyway, so Bruce Willis is investigating the death of the son of the man who invented surrogates.

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] Wasn't that Dr. James Cromwell?

[13:28] It was.

[13:29] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] As the same man, as we said, who discovered the warp drive, taught a pig to herd sheep,

[13:38] and was married to Queen Elizabeth II.

Dan McCoy

[13:40] Headed up the L.A. Police Department for a time in the 40s.

Elliott Kalan

[13:44] Yes, and he was James Coco's valet when he went to Truman Capote's mansion in Murder by Death.

[13:52] He also played a Nazi in The Cheap Detective.

Dan McCoy

[13:57] Wasn't he the president for a time during Jack Ryan's tenure at the CIA?

[14:02] Maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[14:03] I don't remember.

Stuart Wellington

[14:04] Anyway.

[14:04] He was also George Bush.

[14:06] Oh, interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[14:08] And he married into the Fisher clan, the famous funeral homeowners,

[14:14] before getting dementia somehow.

Stuart Wellington

[14:16] Yep.

[14:16] From using a neti pod, if I recall.

[14:19] We hope you've enjoyed this James Cromwell podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[14:22] James Cromwell, this is your life.

Dan McCoy

[14:24] This is James Cromcast.

Elliott Kalan

[14:26] And now on to Oliver Cromwell, former Lord Protectorate of England during the Republic period.

Dan McCoy

[14:35] And then we'll talk about Thomas Cromwell.

[14:36] So there's a murder or something in this movie?

Elliott Kalan

[14:39] There's a murder.

[14:40] Somehow, someone has a weapon that can kill people through their surrogates.

[14:45] What the hell you say?

[14:46] Yes.

[14:46] And it looks like a dust buster, but it shoots out electricity, which goes through the surrogates' optics,

[14:52] or eyes, as we would call them, and kills their eye blanks, and kills the user on the other end.

Stuart Wellington

[15:01] It melts their brain, if I remember.

[15:03] Yeah.

[15:04] Unless my brain's been melted.

[15:06] By surrogates.

[15:07] You know what I mean, guys?

Elliott Kalan

[15:08] By, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[15:09] By, like, a weapon.

[15:10] Some kind of heat, right?

[15:12] The literal, it's a little analog to what you just said.

Elliott Kalan

[15:16] And I don't know how much detail we want to get into.

[15:18] We could just skip to the end, probably.

Dan McCoy

[15:19] Yeah, let's just skip to the solution, because I don't think there's, like, there's just a lot of running around.

[15:23] There's a lot of twist-em-ups.

Elliott Kalan

[15:24] There's a lot of running around and twists that don't really fit together.

[15:28] And it turns out at the end that James Cromwell, creator of surrogates, now sees it as a plague on humanity.

[15:33] People have become addicted to it.

[15:35] And so he's been controlling the prophet, who was actually a robot.

[15:40] Spoiler alert.

[15:41] And now he has a plan to hook up the device that kills people.

[15:46] That's technically irony, right?

[15:48] Kind of.

[15:49] Okay.

[15:49] He has a plan to hook up the device that kills surrogates to this massive computer network that allows them to see and control every surrogate in the world, I guess.

[15:59] For some reason, the FBI has control of this.

[16:03] And kill everyone in the world who uses a surrogate, because, as he says, the only way to cure the addiction is to kill the addict,

[16:10] which is technically not true.

[16:13] Not at all.

[16:14] And at the last minute...

Stuart Wellington

[16:16] Have you ever been addicted to using a robot?

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] No, that's true.

[16:19] That's a good point.

Dan McCoy

[16:20] It might be different.

[16:20] It might be qualitatively different.

[16:21] I mean, they do not kill people at rehab centers, but...

[16:24] That I know of.

Elliott Kalan

[16:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:27] They kill the part of them that's fun.

[16:29] Maybe they replace them with robots.

[16:31] Maybe that's how the rehab centers work.

[16:31] It's like the Stepford Wives.

[16:33] Holy shit, that makes a lot of sense.

[16:34] Guys, let's write that screenplay.

Elliott Kalan

[16:36] I don't think so.

[16:38] You think they'd replace them with robots that were better at getting their life fit?

[16:41] It's called a scanner darkly 2.

Dan McCoy

[16:44] The robotning.

[16:45] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[16:48] Thank you for cheapening it, by the way.

[16:51] The climax comes down to Bruce Willis making keystrokes on a computer keyboard at the behest

[16:58] of a handcuffed fat man who tells him what to do.

Stuart Wellington

[17:02] It's literally like...

[17:03] Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.

Elliott Kalan

[17:05] Okay, move to the console on the left.

[17:07] Okay, shift, alt, type in the password, you know, red253.

Stuart Wellington

[17:11] Yeah, like there's that big moment where he's like, hit enter and nothing happens.

[17:15] And then he's like, oh, wait a minute.

[17:17] Shift, enter.

[17:17] And you're like, oh, thank God.

[17:20] Oh, that was a close one.

[17:21] All the users almost died.

Dan McCoy

[17:23] Yeah, well, he saves the users from dying, but then there's apparently a second protocol

[17:27] of this, which is just to switch off the robots and dismantle them.

[17:33] And apparently James Cromwell didn't think that was good enough before.

[17:37] He could have just switched off all the robots.

Elliott Kalan

[17:39] Well, he might not have known that you could put up a firewall in the network to shut people

[17:45] out of their robots.

[17:45] Computer things.

[17:46] It is new technology.

[17:48] Yeah, that's true.

[17:49] And so he puts up a wall of fire, which instantly boosts people out of their robots.

[18:00] The robots shut down.

[18:01] The people are okay.

[18:02] And then everybody walks outside in a daze the way people do like after an atomic bomb

[18:07] blast or like when someone has been transported to the future and like is walking around like,

[18:13] what?

[18:14] Giant metal birds.

Stuart Wellington

[18:15] Or if it's like the first snow that the world has seen in like 10,000 years.

[18:19] Yeah.

[18:19] The dreamer awakes.

[18:21] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:21] Yes, exactly.

[18:22] Thank you for the literary.

[18:24] But then like everybody is fine.

[18:27] They seem to accustom themselves to it.

Stuart Wellington

[18:29] Yeah, very quickly.

[18:30] And they all looked okay.

[18:32] Like they didn't look that fucked up.

[18:33] Like I expected these people who lived all their life sitting in a chair.

[18:37] Well, they could walk.

[18:38] I mean that was one.

[18:39] Yeah, their muscles had not atrophied.

Elliott Kalan

[18:40] Well, they have to get up to use the can.

[18:42] So.

Dan McCoy

[18:42] Yeah, they do get up to, yeah, go to the refrigerator and use the refrigerator.

[18:46] I gotta imagine there's gotta be some kind of mini surrogate that goes to the refrigerator

Stuart Wellington

[18:50] for you.

Elliott Kalan

[18:52] Well, Bruce Willis does use his surrogate to pour him a glass of vodka at one point.

[18:58] Which as Stuart pointed out is probably Svedka because as we know from the billboards and

[19:02] ads, that is the vodka of robots.

Stuart Wellington

[19:04] Of robots.

[19:05] Future robots.

[19:07] So start buying Svedka.

[19:09] Svedka, you know.

[19:11] And then you can bribe the robots that are going to take over the world.

[19:14] But yeah, everyone's becomes.

[19:15] Nobody uses currency then.

Elliott Kalan

[19:17] The whole thing is about like, you can use these beautiful robots to look beautiful all

[19:21] the time.

[19:21] But the people who walk out are just like normal people.

[19:24] Like it's not like they're particularly even old.

[19:27] They're not like mole people or anything.

[19:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[19:29] But what's more, I think more to the point though, as you said, I think Stuart or maybe

[19:35] it was Elliot, but that like if everyone's beautiful in this world, that completely devalues

[19:41] physical beauty anyway.

[19:43] I probably do.

Elliott Kalan

[19:43] People say that, but I actually don't know if that's totally true.

Dan McCoy

[19:49] I mean, I feel like what will happen is that if everyone in the world was beautiful, then

[19:54] like people would sort of just veer towards their particular like physical preferences,

[20:00] maybe like more specific.

[20:03] Like in real life.

Dan McCoy

[20:03] Like Stuart with his large breasts, say.

[20:05] Or Elliot with his large breasts.

Elliott Kalan

[20:07] So we made it sound like we both have large breasts as opposed to being attracted to women

[20:12] with breasts.

[20:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[20:14] Well.

[20:15] Well, as opposed to no breasts?

Dan McCoy

[20:16] I didn't want to say anything, guys.

[20:18] But, you know, get some bras.

[20:21] Yeah.

[20:22] Well, I can't really help it.

[20:23] It's embarrassing in here.

Elliott Kalan

[20:24] They got to go free.

[20:26] Listen, I burned mine.

[20:27] Okay.

[20:28] My bra, that is.

Stuart Wellington

[20:29] And I have a hormone problem.

[20:32] Okay.

[20:32] So.

Elliott Kalan

[20:33] I have a hormone success.

[20:34] Yes.

[20:36] I think of myself as.

[20:38] One of them is glass half empty?

[20:38] One of them is glass half full.

[20:39] I think of myself as homo superior.

[20:41] My mutant power is boobs.

[20:43] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[20:44] You'd be popular at the X-Mansion, I would imagine.

Elliott Kalan

[20:48] Not if my own education was any.

[20:50] My actual school history was any indication, you know.

Dan McCoy

[20:52] Beauty go home.

[20:53] That's what I have to say to you, sir.

Stuart Wellington

[20:55] So it's to the Morlocks with you.

Elliott Kalan

[20:57] Yep.

[20:58] Living with Callisto underground till Storm becomes queen.

Stuart Wellington

[21:02] From that knife fight.

Elliott Kalan

[21:03] Yeah.

[21:03] Oh, man.

[21:04] X-Men, huh?

[21:05] Anyway, anywho.

[21:07] But the movie posits a world where, for some reason, humans and humans who speak through robots cannot coexist.

[21:15] No.

[21:15] Yeah.

[21:16] And why would they?

[21:17] Well.

[21:18] Because why not?

Dan McCoy

[21:19] As you kept pointing out, like, they kept, like, the surrogates kept calling humans meatbags or something like that.

Elliott Kalan

[21:27] Yeah, but it's humans speaking through the surrogates.

[21:29] Like.

Stuart Wellington

[21:29] Yeah, it's not like the.

[21:31] I mean, I'm assuming.

[21:32] I'm assuming that the user is not, like, saying, hey, look at that human.

[21:36] And then the robot immediately translates into a slur.

[21:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:42] But it's, the movie didn't seem to understand at times itself whether characters were robots or whether they were people playing things.

[21:50] And, like, you could see the actors, some would be super stiff and robot-y and others were just acting like normal people.

[21:55] Yeah, and you would think that.

Stuart Wellington

[21:56] You would think that would clarify with all the extras and everybody in the movie, like, guys, you're not actually robots.

Elliott Kalan

[22:02] Like, you don't have to walk like Frankenstein, you know.

Dan McCoy

[22:04] Frankenstein's monster.

[22:05] You would think that the director, Jonathan Mostow, would have told people, like, okay, you know, it's a movie about robots, but you are people.

[22:14] So don't act all robot-y.

[22:16] Don't talk like this.

[22:18] You know.

[22:18] I mean, like, Jonathan Mostow has made okay movies in the past.

[22:21] What else did he make?

[22:22] Well, he made Breakdown, which is.

[22:23] It's an all right movie.

[22:24] B-thriller.

[22:26] He made Terminator 3, which is not great, but it's certainly better than Terminator Salvation.

[22:30] There's robots in that.

[22:31] Yeah.

[22:32] Yeah.

[22:32] By the way.

[22:33] He made that.

[22:34] Cyborgs.

[22:34] He made that submarine movie, the U-5.

[22:37] U-571.

[22:39] Which I never saw.

Elliott Kalan

[22:39] Is that the one that changed history to say that America found the Enigma machine and then cracked the code?

[22:46] I think that might be the one.

[22:48] With Bon Jovi in it?

[22:50] Yes.

[22:50] Yeah.

[22:51] That is.

[22:51] Yes.

[22:52] That is chutzpah, let me tell you.

[22:54] We could hire actors with English accents.

[22:56] Eh.

[22:56] We'll just say America did it.

[22:59] Yeah.

[22:59] It's like the movie where, like, the French, like, drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima and Nagasaki and end World War II.

[23:06] What's that movie?

[23:07] It's called Enola Gay Perry.

[23:11] Nice.

[23:12] I like it.

[23:12] And it stars Gerard Depardieu, Jean Reno, and.

Stuart Wellington

[23:17] Come on.

[23:18] Checky Cario.

[23:19] Boom.

[23:20] That's a third one.

Elliott Kalan

[23:21] We've got it made.

[23:22] All right.

[23:23] Let's pitch this movie.

Dan McCoy

[23:23] I mean, certainly he's made competent films in the past, and this is not one.

[23:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:27] Do you think he just overcomplicated his direction to the actors, where he's like, okay, you're

[23:32] a human controlling a robot, so you should act like a robot body being controlled by a human.

[23:38] Maybe.

[23:38] Which obviously would make some people overthink their performance a little too much.

[23:43] Yeah.

[23:44] And they, like, start turning all jerky and make, meh, meh, meh, meh, the sound effects.

Elliott Kalan

[23:48] And what's weird is that Bruce Willis, who for most of the movie is not playing a robot,

[23:52] is the least human character, I think, in the entire film.

[23:56] Despite his goatee.

[23:57] Despite his goatee and bald head.

Dan McCoy

[23:59] I think he was cast for his minimalist acting style, perhaps.

[24:04] Maybe.

[24:04] Like, who's the most robot-y major actor in Hollywood we could get?

Elliott Kalan

[24:09] He does see, at this point, it's like he's putting as little energy as possible into things

[24:14] as an experiment.

Dan McCoy

[24:15] Yeah, it's like a joke on someone.

Elliott Kalan

[24:17] And he is like, the, it's like, I want to see a movie with Nicolas Cage and Bruce Willis

[24:21] because they seem to be at opposite ends of the pole right now.

[24:24] Where Bruce Willis is just like, literally a glacier and Nicolas Cage is, you know,

[24:29] if there's any way he can make something crazier and more extreme, he will do it.

[24:34] That movie would be called, crappy movie.

Stuart Wellington

[24:37] It'd be called Twins 2.

[24:39] Now that, uh, now I'm imagining the movie we just watched, but with Nicolas Cage in the

[24:44] starring role.

[24:44] And you know what?

[24:45] More exciting.

Elliott Kalan

[24:45] I actually would have loved to have seen Nicolas Cage in a movie like this.

[24:49] Yeah.

[24:49] Where he can't, also because like, Bruce Willis is a character who decides that society as

[24:54] it is has gone crazy, but like, he never really, he doesn't even come off as, across as like

[25:01] an angry cop.

[25:02] Like, he just comes off as like a sad, tired guy.

[25:05] When Nicolas Cage, at least, like, you could buy this was a guy that, you know.

[25:09] He was living on the edge.

[25:11] Exactly.

[25:12] Living on the edge.

Dan McCoy

[25:13] You can't, you can't, you can't help yourself from falling.

Stuart Wellington

[25:15] The, um.

Elliott Kalan

[25:17] Thank you.

[25:18] I think you brought up the point that, like.

[25:19] Dan is, extra dialogue for Dan, contributed by Steven Tyler.

Stuart Wellington

[25:23] The, uh.

[25:24] You brought up the point that his character, like, realizes that society's kind of on the

[25:28] edge or whatever.

[25:29] But, and I think the movie spends way too much time trying to convince the viewer that

[25:34] this is like a severe issue.

[25:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:35] This is an important thing.

Stuart Wellington

[25:37] And we don't, like, why would we care?

[25:40] This doesn't matter at all.

[25:41] Like, this doesn't translate to our actual life.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] Well, I mean, I think that we are supposed to, to some degree, take this as like a metaphor

[25:49] for like our plugged in.

[25:51] For what?

[25:51] Like Facebook?

[25:52] Internet.

[25:52] Well, exactly.

[25:53] But it's so extreme.

[25:55] Internet.

[25:55] It goes so far.

[25:58] Were you calling out to your internet?

[25:59] Giving an internet shout out.

[26:01] This is a podcast?

[26:02] You're like, what, what?

[26:03] Internet.

[26:04] Internet.

Elliott Kalan

[26:05] Okay.

[26:05] So you're, you're the same way you would call out to say juggalos.

Dan McCoy

[26:09] If I was a juggalo, yeah.

[26:11] But this is such an extreme, like, version of that.

[26:15] Extreme version of that.

[26:16] It doesn't.

[26:17] Like, as we were saying, like, no one's going to give up on the idea of like.

[26:21] Can you just do that every time Dan says something?

Elliott Kalan

[26:23] Every time Dan says the word extreme, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:27] No one's going to give up on, you know, actually having, like, physical sex.

[26:33] Well, I mean, some people might.

[26:34] But, like, not 95% of the.

[26:37] But even if.

[26:38] No one's going to give up.

[26:38] Like, 95% of people aren't going to give up on going outside and seeing the sun occasionally.

[26:43] Yes.

[26:43] Taking shits.

[26:44] Taking shits.

[26:45] Well, they still do that.

[26:46] They still do that.

[26:47] Eating delicious food.

Stuart Wellington

[26:48] Well, they might still do that.

Dan McCoy

[26:49] I think, too.

[26:50] I mean, we see him.

[26:51] What I don't understand is.

[26:53] Eating, like, toast or something.

Stuart Wellington

[26:53] If you're walking around in a robot body.

[26:56] Why are you.

[26:57] All right.

[26:57] I'm putting myself there.

Dan McCoy

[26:58] Okay.

[26:59] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[27:00] Why are you walking around and wearing, like.

[27:01] I'm a robot.

[27:02] Why are you wearing normal.

[27:03] Beep boop.

[27:04] Okay.

[27:05] Guys.

[27:06] This is fucking serious shit.

[27:07] Sorry.

[27:07] Why would you wear normal human clothes?

[27:10] Instead of, like, armor?

[27:11] I would wear shit most of the time.

[27:12] Yeah.

[27:13] I'd wear, like, armor or, like.

[27:14] Like.

[27:15] Like a bunch of battle axes.

[27:16] Or just go nude.

[27:18] Or go nude.

[27:18] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[27:19] It's a movie where people are putting along.

[27:21] Across the pretense of not being robots.

[27:24] Even though everyone's a robot.

Stuart Wellington

[27:26] Do you.

[27:27] And yeah.

[27:27] That's the thing.

[27:28] And do you think that the reason is because if they tried to have a surrogate that was a non-standard human body.

[27:37] That it might.

[27:38] Break the budget.

[27:38] They might have difficulty interfacing with that.

[27:41] Like.

[27:41] If they try to put, like, somebody's surrogate instead of was a human.

[27:45] It was like a car.

Elliott Kalan

[27:47] I think they would have difficulty affording that for this movie.

[27:51] But you make a good point.

[27:53] Because, like.

[27:53] In something like Second Life.

[27:55] People want to choose.

[27:56] A lot of people choose, like.

[27:58] Animal bodies.

[27:59] You know.

[28:00] Oh, yeah.

[28:00] Or, like.

[28:00] Crazy things.

[28:02] Yeah.

[28:02] Whereas in this.

[28:03] It's just, like.

[28:04] I guess I'll be a prettier looking person.

[28:06] You know.

[28:07] And at one point we see that.

[28:08] Or a girl.

[28:09] Or a girl.

[28:10] Like.

[28:10] There should be, like.

Dan McCoy

[28:10] All these, like.

[28:11] Fucking cosplay people walking around.

[28:13] Like.

[28:14] There should be elves.

[28:14] Although on the other hand.

[28:15] Like.

[28:15] In a way they all were cosplayers.

[28:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:17] Although on the other hand.

[28:18] Like.

[28:19] The majority of people, I think.

[28:20] Are not interested in looking like elves or monsters.

Dan McCoy

[28:23] I know.

[28:23] You would still have some of them.

[28:24] In a world where, like.

[28:25] You can look like.

[28:26] In a world.

[28:27] Where you can look like anything.

[28:30] More people would look like elves.

[28:33] I guarantee it.

[28:35] Surrey gets two.

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] Surrey gets two.

[28:38] People look like elves sometimes.

[28:41] In this one.

[28:43] The elvening.

Stuart Wellington

[28:46] Well, but also, like.

Elliott Kalan

[28:47] Elvelectric boogaloo.

[28:49] As long as we're harping on.

Stuart Wellington

[28:50] We're talking, like.

[28:51] Tolkien elves, right?

[28:52] We're not talking about, like.

[28:52] Christmas.

[28:53] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[28:53] Like Keebler elves.

Stuart Wellington

[28:55] I didn't know people were into that.

[28:56] Oh.

[28:57] Oh.

[28:57] Oh, yeah.

[28:57] I'm asking them, like.

Dan McCoy

[28:58] They call it cookie play.

[29:00] Okay.

[29:02] Terrible Japanese animation elves.

[29:04] That's what I was calling.

Elliott Kalan

[29:05] Oh.

[29:05] Well, like Pikachus and stuff.

[29:07] People would look like Naruto's.

[29:09] Basically.

[29:09] Right?

[29:10] Because I go to Comic-Con.

[29:11] Like.

Elliott Kalan

[29:11] Like.

[29:11] When I go to.

[29:12] When I go to.

[29:13] When I go to Comic-Con.

[29:14] There's a ton of Naruto's.

[29:15] Walking around.

[29:16] All around the place, right?

[29:16] And stormtroopers.

[29:18] Fat one.

[29:18] It's all Naruto's and stormtroopers.

[29:20] Like.

[29:20] Well, that's the other thing.

[29:21] I wish they could have licensed like.

[29:23] Fictional characters from other movies.

[29:24] Because.

[29:25] If I could have a surrogate character.

[29:26] Maybe I would have like.

[29:28] Boba Fett.

[29:28] Like.

Stuart Wellington

[29:29] Go around as like.

[29:30] Mark Twain.

Elliott Kalan

[29:33] I mean.

[29:34] Then you're just Hal Holbrook.

[29:35] That's.

[29:37] Yeah.

[29:37] You could walk around dressed like Mark Twain now.

[29:40] If you wanted to.

Dan McCoy

[29:41] You used to be walking around.

[29:43] Being like.

[29:43] The reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.

Elliott Kalan

[29:47] Beep boop.

Stuart Wellington

[29:49] Robo Twain.

[29:50] Like a mint julep.

Dan McCoy

[29:52] Yeah.

[29:53] Probably.

[29:53] That was a signature drink, right?

[29:55] You would.

[29:56] You would treat.

[29:56] You would treat surrogates as an elaborate prank.

[30:01] You got punked.

Elliott Kalan

[30:02] I'm a surrogate.

[30:03] I'm not really.

[30:04] Mark Twain.

[30:06] But like.

[30:07] There's.

[30:07] I guess you can make the case.

[30:09] It's a metaphor for like.

[30:11] Are.

[30:12] We're not interacting with life.

[30:13] When we spend so much time online.

[30:15] But.

Stuart Wellington

[30:16] Like.

[30:17] Online for the movies?

Elliott Kalan

[30:18] No.

[30:19] Online computers.

[30:20] Well.

[30:23] Sorry.

[30:23] A what?

Stuart Wellington

[30:24] You know.

[30:24] Like a.

[30:25] A sandwich.

[30:26] I'm not familiar with.

[30:27] It's like if.

[30:28] If I wanted to say sandwich.

[30:30] But I wanted to say it really fast.

Elliott Kalan

[30:32] I see.

[30:33] Sandwich.

[30:33] You could say that pretty quickly.

Stuart Wellington

[30:34] It's not as cool.

[30:35] I sound more like.

[30:36] I'm like a kid on the street.

[30:38] You mean like an abandoned orphan.

[30:40] Yeah.

[30:41] Yeah.

[30:41] Or like a newsie.

[30:42] Yeah.

[30:42] Well.

[30:43] I mean.

[30:43] I might have a home.

[30:44] I'm still a newsie though.

[30:46] I'm not abandoned.

Elliott Kalan

[30:47] All right.

[30:47] What parent lets their kid be a newsie if they have a home?

[30:51] Well.

[30:51] A parent that encourages dancing and singing.

[30:53] Don't kid yourself Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[30:55] Hearst owns you.

[30:56] Oh man.

Elliott Kalan

[30:59] It just seems like they want to convince us that this is a really serious thing we need

[31:05] to think seriously about.

[31:06] But it's a goofy idea.

Dan McCoy

[31:08] If.

[31:08] Yeah.

[31:09] And also.

Elliott Kalan

[31:09] Until they listen to this podcast in 30 years when everyone's using surrogates.

[31:13] You know.

Dan McCoy

[31:14] You're saying Dan?

[31:15] Well.

[31:15] This is a much smaller objection.

[31:16] But as long as we're like talking about like logical problems with this movie.

[31:19] Of which there were many.

[31:21] Like I still don't understand why the non-surrogate reservations which were still inside the borders

[31:29] of the U.S.

[31:31] were not bound by U.S. law.

[31:33] Yeah.

[31:33] They could impede these FBI investigations with impunity.

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] They had some kind of treaty between the reservations and the government.

[31:40] Yeah.

[31:41] But it implies that the government made it like.

[31:44] All right.

[31:45] Everyone's surrogates now.

[31:46] So.

[31:47] We're going to do this surrogate thing.

[31:48] And anyone who doesn't.

[31:50] You're going to have to live on.

[31:51] In your reservation.

[31:52] Like it doesn't make sense.

Stuart Wellington

[31:52] I get a weird sense of like apology from like the surrogate world.

[31:57] Where they're like.

[31:58] Oh.

[31:59] Well.

[31:59] We sent an FBI agent in there.

[32:01] In a surrogate body.

[32:02] And they destroyed it.

[32:03] Eh.

[32:04] Well.

[32:04] We feel kind of bad.

[32:05] Because.

[32:06] We kind of pushed them out of our world.

[32:08] Because we all have robot bodies.

[32:09] Like.

[32:10] It was almost like they're apologizing for the fact that they.

[32:12] They're weirdos that want to walk around in robot bodies.

[32:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:15] And they.

[32:15] They did a very poor job of establishing these people as like a religious organization.

[32:19] Which is the only way I could see that working.

[32:22] Like they follow a guy named the prophet.

[32:24] But.

[32:24] There's no uniformity of.

[32:27] Of.

[32:28] Clothing.

[32:28] Or.

[32:29] Talk.

[32:30] Or.

[32:30] Action.

[32:30] Or.

[32:31] There's no ritual aspect to any of it.

[32:33] Like.

[32:33] It just seems like a bunch of slobs are hanging around.

[32:36] You know.

[32:36] In a dump.

Dan McCoy

[32:37] Native American reservations.

[32:38] I mean like.

[32:39] They have like their own like police enforcement.

[32:41] But.

Elliott Kalan

[32:41] But also.

[32:42] But the difference there is.

[32:43] Native Americans have reservations that.

[32:44] Where they control it.

[32:45] Because.

[32:46] They used to control the entire American continent.

[32:48] Well exactly.

Dan McCoy

[32:48] These people.

[32:49] These people are just people who opted out of being robots.

[32:52] But they were still U.S. citizens.

[32:54] Yeah.

[32:55] They should not be able to like just throw up their own government.

[32:59] Anyway.

[33:00] Like I.

[33:00] Let's.

[33:00] Let's go to.

[33:01] Let's go to one of these.

[33:02] Reservations now.

[33:02] Unless that was the.

Elliott Kalan

[33:03] Unless that was the metaphor they were going for.

[33:05] In which case.

[33:06] They should have had like.

[33:07] Flesh bag casinos.

[33:08] And things like that.

[33:09] You know.

[33:10] Duty free shops for.

[33:11] Yeah.

[33:12] Meat bags.

Stuart Wellington

[33:12] You know.

[33:13] This movie kind of reminded me of.

[33:15] Legend.

[33:15] It made me think of.

[33:16] Strange Days.

[33:18] Yeah.

[33:18] Which is.

[33:18] It's not an amazing movie.

[33:20] But.

Stuart Wellington

[33:20] It's better than that.

[33:21] It's a better example.

[33:22] And one of the things that I think makes it better is that.

[33:24] Spine Academy Award winning director.

[33:26] Right.

[33:26] That movie also has kind of like wacky.

[33:28] Has kind of like a wacky technology in it.

[33:31] But they don't allow that to be the entire focus of the movie.

[33:34] It's kind of like an additional element.

[33:36] Well it's like that.

Elliott Kalan

[33:37] It's.

[33:37] That's like a different.

[33:38] A tool for making a murder mystery movie.

Dan McCoy

[33:41] Well and they don't try and like make you buy that.

[33:44] Everyone in this society is jacked in.

[33:47] As they say.

[33:48] Yeah.

[33:49] In Strange Days.

[33:49] Like it's just.

[33:50] It's a.

[33:50] It's a drug that.

[33:52] Some people use.

[33:54] But it's not.

[33:55] The complete focus of this future world.

[33:57] Yeah.

[33:57] There's no moment where he's like.

Stuart Wellington

[33:59] Everybody needs to not jack in.

[34:02] Yeah.

[34:03] And jack off.

[34:05] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[34:06] The low hanging fruit.

[34:08] The low hanging fruit was there.

[34:09] That was.

[34:09] That was not low hanging fruit.

[34:11] That was rotting fruit on the ground.

[34:13] That you picked up and shoved in your mouth.

[34:14] Still faced a delicious.

[34:16] You have a disease now.

[34:18] Who knows how many worms were in that piece of fruit.

[34:20] Fruit.

Dan McCoy

[34:22] Well I mean on that great note.

[34:24] I think that we need to move on.

[34:25] Grape note.

Elliott Kalan

[34:26] Okay.

[34:26] Grape note.

[34:28] What?

Dan McCoy

[34:29] What did he say?

[34:32] With those grape nuts.

[34:33] We need to move on.

[34:35] To final judgments.

[34:36] Final judgments.

[34:38] So guys.

[34:38] Is this a good bad movie?

[34:41] A bad bad movie?

[34:42] Or a movie that you kind of liked in some way?

[34:45] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] It's hard to.

[34:48] I was thinking about this before we started recording that.

[34:50] It's like.

[34:51] It's not.

[34:52] Bad enough that it's a bad bad movie.

[34:54] But it's not good enough to be a good bad movie.

[34:56] Like it was not.

[34:58] There were some interesting moments in it maybe.

[35:01] And like.

[35:01] I liked one of the stunt chase scenes.

[35:05] Where Bruce Willis' robot is chasing somebody.

[35:07] And just keeps getting the crap kicked out of it.

Dan McCoy

[35:09] There's something because.

[35:10] It's kind of like the one where you just drove into a bunch of robots.

Elliott Kalan

[35:13] That too.

[35:13] And the robots just collect on the windshield.

[35:16] But like.

[35:16] Because this.

[35:17] The image of a robot that's missing an arm.

[35:20] And it has a gun in the other one.

[35:21] And it's running after somebody.

[35:22] Is always great.

[35:24] But like.

[35:24] It's not.

[35:25] Otherwise the movie is just kind of like.

[35:27] Not really terrible.

[35:29] It's just kind of the plot is logically.

[35:32] Incomplete.

[35:32] You know is illogical.

[35:34] And it isn't very exciting.

[35:35] And the climax is dumb.

[35:37] And you know it's not.

[35:39] It's somewhere in the middle of those two poles.

[35:41] So.

[35:41] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[35:42] Yeah.

[35:43] I'm probably going to say a bad bad movie.

[35:45] I mean.

[35:45] I kind of.

[35:46] I wanted it to be kind of goofier.

[35:49] And sillier.

[35:49] Yeah.

[35:49] It actually was like.

[35:50] More like.

[35:51] Pseudo robot crap.

[35:53] And.

[35:53] Or like a scene in iRobot.

[35:56] Where Chee McBride is shooting robots.

[35:58] In slow motion with a shotgun.

[35:59] While smoking a cigar.

[36:01] This movie did not feature that.

[36:02] As I always imagined.

[36:03] Chee McBride to be doing.

[36:05] In his spare time.

[36:07] So.

[36:07] I mean.

[36:08] There's a couple silly bits.

[36:09] But it's not.

[36:10] There's nothing terrible enough to make this.

[36:12] Like.

[36:13] It's a.

[36:13] Watchable movie.

Elliott Kalan

[36:14] It's a movie about.

[36:15] A world where people use.

[36:16] Super attractive robots.

[36:18] Of themselves.

[36:18] Everywhere.

[36:19] That has very little sense of humor.

[36:21] Yeah.

[36:21] When it's like.

[36:22] They could have done more.

[36:23] Ridiculous things with the premise.

[36:25] And had more fun with it.

Dan McCoy

[36:26] Yeah.

[36:26] I'm going to say.

[36:27] It's a bad.

[36:27] Bad movie.

[36:28] Like.

[36:28] It skirts.

[36:30] Good.

[36:30] Bad.

[36:31] In the area.

[36:32] For me.

[36:33] Of.

[36:33] Trying to be a movie.

[36:34] Of ideas.

[36:35] Like.

[36:36] I always think that's hilarious.

[36:37] When a movie is not good.

[36:39] But it's trying to make these philosophical points.

[36:41] But every point.

[36:42] That this movie makes.

[36:43] Is so inane.

[36:44] Yeah.

[36:45] That.

[36:46] That's kind of fun.

[36:47] But.

[36:47] It's.

[36:48] It's not enough to rescue it.

Elliott Kalan

[36:49] The point of it.

[36:50] Is that.

[36:51] People shouldn't be robots.

Dan McCoy

[36:53] Yeah.

[36:54] So.

[36:55] Take that.

[36:55] Take that to heart guys.

[36:56] Take that.

[36:57] Robot people.

[36:57] Everyone out there.

[36:59] If there's anyone.

[37:00] Take that otakus in our audience.

[37:01] If there's anyone listening right now.

[37:03] Who is a robot.

[37:04] Don't be a robot.

[37:05] We're thinking of becoming a robot.

Stuart Wellington

[37:07] Yeah.

[37:07] Don't do it.

[37:09] Don't get inside that mech.

Elliott Kalan

[37:11] Well.

[37:12] Being in a mech is different.

[37:13] Kind of.

[37:14] That's basically like piloting a ship of some kind.

[37:16] You know.

[37:16] Right.

Stuart Wellington

[37:17] Yeah.

[37:17] I mean.

[37:18] Yeah.

[37:20] Yep.

[37:21] So.

[37:22] Sounds of paper crinkling.

[37:23] What is that?

[37:24] I'm unfurling.

Elliott Kalan

[37:25] Ah.

[37:25] Some sort of manifesto.

Dan McCoy

[37:26] No.

[37:27] No.

[37:27] It's the Flophouse movie Mailbag.

Elliott Kalan

[37:30] Letters.

[37:31] We get letters.

[37:32] We get lots and lots of letters.

[37:35] Paul Schaefer.

[37:36] Mailbag.

[37:38] He won't.

[37:39] Because I've deafened him.

[37:41] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[37:43] Like at the end of Event Horizon.

[37:45] With knitting needles.

[37:45] I know that's why.

[37:46] That's blinding.

[37:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:47] Okay.

[37:47] Well.

[37:47] But it was the same kind.

[37:48] I made him pull out his own eardrums.

[37:50] Yeah.

[37:51] With his tiny fingers.

Dan McCoy

[37:52] So I've been actually saving these letters for a while.

[37:55] For all of us to be here together.

[37:58] So.

[37:58] You'll hear a reference to a date in here that is a while back.

[38:02] And that's why.

Elliott Kalan

[38:03] You are.

[38:04] July the 7th.

[38:05] Um.

[38:07] 1869.

[38:08] The dog's alive.

[38:09] My dearest Flophouse.

[38:11] The dog's alive.

[38:13] We've been waiting to deliver this letter for 50 years.

Dan McCoy

[38:16] All right.

[38:17] Joe Flaherty.

[38:18] Anyway.

[38:19] This is from Eddie.

[38:20] Last name withheld.

[38:21] It says.

[38:21] Hey.

[38:22] Just watched The Daily Show.

[38:24] From May 3rd.

[38:26] And when John asked Jonathan Ig.

[38:29] Ig.

[38:30] Ig.

[38:30] I think it is.

[38:31] The question.

[38:32] Did Al Capone ever actually say.

[38:34] Eh.

[38:35] See.

[38:36] I instantly pictured Elliot's face.

[38:38] Oh.

[38:38] That's very nice.

[38:39] Discuss.

[38:40] I don't know if there's much to discuss there.

[38:42] No.

Elliott Kalan

[38:42] Well.

[38:43] Obviously I've had an effect on John.

[38:45] Yeah.

[38:46] Uh.

[38:46] Because we talk about.

Stuart Wellington

[38:48] General old timiness.

[38:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:49] You know.

[38:49] It's a fun voice to do.

[38:51] Nah.

Stuart Wellington

[38:51] The hepatitis C joke.

[38:52] Yeah.

[38:53] Exactly.

[38:53] Hepatitis C.

Elliott Kalan

[38:55] Sargasso C.

[38:58] Vitamin C.

[38:59] Anything that ends in C.

[39:00] You know.

[39:02] A.

[39:02] B.

[39:03] C.

[39:05] That's what we do around the office at work a lot.

[39:07] So.

Stuart Wellington

[39:08] Oh man.

[39:09] That's like a window into your fascinating Hollywood life.

Elliott Kalan

[39:12] Oh yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:14] Hollywood life.

[39:15] Hollywood being.

Dan McCoy

[39:16] What is it?

[39:16] Hell's Kitchen?

[39:17] West 52nd Street.

[39:18] Yes.

[39:18] Hell's Kitchen.

[39:19] Hollywood or Holly weird.

[39:21] Discuss.

Elliott Kalan

[39:22] Hollywood if she.

[39:23] If Holly could.

[39:24] Well that was a movie poster right?

[39:25] It was the cool world slogan.

[39:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:27] That is also stuck in my mind.

[39:29] Yes.

[39:29] For some reason.

[39:30] Long before I saw the film.

[39:32] It's pretty good.

[39:33] Well.

[39:33] Because it was in.

[39:34] It was like.

[39:35] Those ads were in comic books when we were kids.

[39:37] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[39:37] And it had.

[39:38] It had Hollywood's underwear.

[39:43] Peeking out from under her little short skirt.

[39:45] And I feel like.

[39:46] We were probably at the age.

[39:47] That I don't remember.

[39:48] Yeah.

[39:48] Me neither.

[39:49] Guys.

[39:51] It was just me who.

Elliott Kalan

[39:52] Had a fixation on a cartoon.

Dan McCoy

[39:54] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[39:56] Like.

[39:56] Like Gabriel Byrne did in the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[39:58] I mean.

[39:58] I'm not saying I've never masturbated to the Laugh Olympics.

[40:00] We all have.

[40:01] You know.

[40:01] Wacky racers.

[40:02] For sure.

[40:03] That's.

[40:03] Wait.

Elliott Kalan

[40:03] Hold on.

Stuart Wellington

[40:04] Well there's.

[40:05] It's intense.

[40:05] My turn.

[40:06] It's intense is what I'm saying.

[40:06] Is it like.

[40:07] The stress levels are really high.

Dan McCoy

[40:10] Egos.

[40:11] Egos are bumping up against each other.

[40:12] It's getting your adrenaline going.

[40:15] So this email is titled.

[40:18] F.

[40:19] O.

[40:19] L.

[40:19] P.

[40:20] In the USA.

[40:22] And.

[40:22] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[40:23] Oh.

[40:23] It's.

[40:23] I haven't done my catchphrase in a long time.

Dan McCoy

[40:25] It's from Martin Biro.

[40:27] Who says.

[40:27] That's right.

[40:27] I'm not afraid to have my last name immortalized.

Elliott Kalan

[40:30] Just like the company that makes the.

[40:32] Oh no.

[40:33] That's Brio.

[40:33] Never mind.

Dan McCoy

[40:34] Yeah.

[40:34] This is spelled Biro.

[40:36] Like the.

[40:36] Like the pens.

[40:37] Yeah.

[40:38] And it says.

[40:39] Hi floppers.

[40:40] After a couple of years of enjoying the podcast.

[40:42] I thought I'd write.

[40:43] Apropos of nothing in particular.

[40:44] Thanks for enlivening my subway trips with your witticisms.

[40:48] I also represent your devoted gay fan base.

[40:50] Did you know you had one?

[40:52] Nope.

[40:52] Despite Dan's recent rapidly homophobic remarks about wanting to queer bash Taylor Lautner.

[40:58] Due to his slightly effeminate voice.

[41:00] When did that happen?

[41:01] I don't remember that.

[41:03] It's painting a picture.

[41:04] First he wants to take down the government.

[41:06] Now this.

[41:06] Get it together Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[41:07] Was that in the extra after show edition?

[41:10] Yeah.

[41:11] And you do want to.

[41:11] Oh I glad.

[41:12] The mention of your hook.

[41:13] Your abandoned hook as a anti-government militia nut.

[41:16] I do not.

Dan McCoy

[41:17] If I.

[41:19] If I was queer bashing Taylor Lautner.

[41:21] I apologize.

[41:22] I do not.

[41:22] I remember making fun of him.

[41:25] I didn't like his huge neck.

[41:28] I may have said that.

[41:29] Great neck.

[41:30] I may have said that he was oddly effeminate to be like one third of a heterosexual love triangle.

[41:38] I think you were way more queer bashing than that.

Elliott Kalan

[41:40] Yeah.

[41:40] You were pretty homophobic.

Stuart Wellington

[41:42] I don't.

[41:42] I remember being a little.

[41:43] Like we walked home that night.

[41:44] Yeah.

[41:45] We were.

[41:45] I think we held hands because we were scared.

[41:47] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[41:48] So we were frightened about what we had just found out about you.

[41:50] In general life.

[41:51] And because of course there's always an attraction between me and Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[41:54] Sparks.

[41:55] Gay positive.

[41:56] We drank Sparks together.

Elliott Kalan

[41:57] And we listened to Sparks the German pop duo.

[42:00] But I don't remember what you said.

[42:02] But I'm sure.

[42:02] He cried a monster of love.

[42:03] I'm sure it was something about like you know God or sin or you know.

Dan McCoy

[42:07] Sure.

[42:08] Yeah.

[42:08] That sounds like me.

Elliott Kalan

[42:09] Or is it My Two Dads with Paul Reiser.

Dan McCoy

[42:12] Yeah.

[42:12] An abomination.

[42:13] That's sitcom.

[42:14] He was.

[42:15] But not for that reason.

Stuart Wellington

[42:16] He was.

[42:17] He was the boring dad.

[42:18] Right?

Dan McCoy

[42:19] Yeah.

[42:19] Well he was the straight laced one.

[42:21] Yeah.

[42:21] And then the guy that no one remembers was the rocker.

[42:23] Yeah.

[42:24] He was an artist.

Stuart Wellington

[42:25] I mean that makes a lot of sense though.

[42:26] I mean it would have been a really hard sell to make Paul Reiser the.

Elliott Kalan

[42:29] Well I was just waiting for the moment when he was going to sell his daughter to Weyland

[42:32] Yutani.

[42:33] All right.

Dan McCoy

[42:34] Well there's more to this email.

[42:35] That was a good aliens joke.

[42:38] You just want to move along.

[42:40] But for reals while I love Stuart's seductively dulcet tones and Elliot's impressive

[42:45] store of pop culture, a fewvia.

[42:47] Right at ya.

[42:49] Dan with his trademark, mournful size and rampant homophobia.

Elliott Kalan

[42:55] That's your new trademark.

[42:56] We found your new hook.

Dan McCoy

[42:58] Is my favorite flopper.

[42:59] Does this kind of pandering guarantee my letter gets read on the podcast?

[43:02] Yes.

[43:03] I think writing a letter guarantees that it gets read on the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[43:08] This is now, this is what we're looking for.

[43:10] An organic hook.

[43:11] It came out of nowhere.

[43:12] Dan is now the homophobic member of the group.

[43:14] I do not want to be honest.

[43:16] You got to talk about like family values and stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[43:19] I assumed I was going to get that just because I'm always talking about wieners and boobs

[43:23] and such.

Dan McCoy

[43:25] Well, he goes on to say, and here's the meat of the email.

[43:29] Anywho, I thought I'd share a story about my efforts to get the word out about the flop

[43:34] house.

[43:34] For months I've been praising the show and trying to get friends and associates to listen.

[43:37] I was covering for the receptionist at work one day and I wrote on a post-it, listen to

[43:43] this with the website address.

[43:46] She initially expressed enthusiasm and the post-it remained on her computer monitor and remained

[43:51] and remained for months and months.

[43:53] Now the glue on the post-it has worn off and the sad little piece of neon yellow paper lies

[43:58] on her desk.

[43:59] The podcast still ignored, but she still hasn't thrown it away yet.

[44:03] Nor has she listened to this show, I think, but the post-it is wearing her down.

[44:08] I think I deserve some kind of no prize for my efforts unless Marvel Comics will sue you

[44:11] for copyright infringement.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] Listen, Paul Schaefer is already suing us.

[44:14] We can afford another lawsuit.

Dan McCoy

[44:17] I'm, you know, I think that this secretary should be fired for not giving me a cleaner

[44:21] desk.

[44:22] Yes.

[44:23] She's allowed this to fall.

[44:24] Who knows how much food is lying around there.

Elliott Kalan

[44:27] Yeah.

[44:28] I think it's at the point where she no longer sees the writing on the note.

[44:32] It's just a thing that exists, you know, no longer recognizes it as a message.

Stuart Wellington

[44:37] I mean, I think she probably has bigger issues.

[44:39] She's probably got some stuff going on at home.

[44:41] Some big, you know, problems maybe with a...

[44:44] Surrogate.

[44:46] She's dealing with the surrogate mother of her child.

[44:50] Yeah.

[44:51] Something like that.

[44:52] Surrogate pregnancy.

[44:53] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[44:53] I mean, if I know a receptionist, and I think I do, she's probably so busy, like, back-sassing

[44:57] people and making funny jokes on the phone and listening in on people's conversations that...

[45:02] And painting her nails.

[45:04] Painting her nails, chewing gum.

[45:06] Yeah, that she just doesn't have time to listen to the podcast.

Dan McCoy

[45:09] Flipping through Red Book.

[45:12] Yep.

[45:12] I think that's...

[45:14] I think you're now moving into what people do at the beautician.

Elliott Kalan

[45:18] Reading the latest issue of McCall's.

[45:21] And the family circle.

Dan McCoy

[45:24] Yeah.

[45:24] I mean, this is our favorite mode of promotion, though.

[45:29] Is leaving a note for people.

[45:31] We call it...

[45:32] It says, listen to this.

[45:33] P-A-P.

Elliott Kalan

[45:34] Passive aggressive promotion.

Stuart Wellington

[45:35] Yeah.

[45:36] Dan sports that.

[45:38] We...

[45:38] I know we got a lot of...

[45:39] I like to go up to just random people in the street and shoot them.

[45:43] And hit them in the face.

[45:46] Well, yeah.

[45:46] With a ring that says Flop House Podcast.

[45:48] So when they look in the mirror, they'll see...

[45:51] It's backwards on my hand.

[45:52] Yeah.

[45:53] Wait.

[45:53] Would that work?

[45:54] Yeah, probably.

Dan McCoy

[45:55] All right.

[45:55] Well, we've spent a little time on that.

[45:58] And so we should...

[45:59] So we can get it in under the wire.

[46:01] We should talk about our recommendations of movies that we actually have seen recently and enjoyed.

[46:07] Elliot, do you have one for us?

Elliott Kalan

[46:08] I gotta go first on everything.

Dan McCoy

[46:10] I can go.

[46:10] I saw...

Elliott Kalan

[46:12] I mean, I have one, but I can...

Dan McCoy

[46:14] Yee Yee?

[46:14] Is that how it's pronounced?

[46:15] Oh, I wanna see that.

[46:16] Taiwanese one and a two.

[46:18] I saw that on Memorial Day when I had three hours to sit down and watch a three-hour Taiwanese movie.

Elliott Kalan

[46:24] Yeah, I mean, a lot of people would have spent that time remembering those who lost their lives in the service of their country, but...

Stuart Wellington

[46:31] Yeah.

[46:32] Or watching a Band of Brothers marathon, at least.

Dan McCoy

[46:34] I mean, that's the way most people do that now.

Elliott Kalan

[46:36] Anyway, you were saying?

Dan McCoy

[46:38] Well, I was going to maybe, you know, watch it in three installments because I'm...

[46:42] lazy and I can't commit time to...

[46:45] But I liked it enough to watch all of it in that morning.

[46:50] Good story.

[46:54] Well, there's not a lot to say about the movie because it's really like a slice-of-life drama about a family over like two or three months.

[47:03] I've heard it's very good.

[47:04] But it's very good.

[47:04] It's very enjoyable.

[47:06] And also, a bonus recommendation, I watched Mystery Team, which has the...

[47:12] Derek movie.

[47:12] Yeah, it has the distinction of having former Flophouse guest co-host Will Hines in it.

[47:19] That was Will in it?

[47:20] Yeah, he's got a reasonably large scene at the beginning.

[47:23] I didn't realize that.

[47:24] And he's very funny in it.

[47:25] And the movie in general is pretty funny.

[47:27] It's one of these independent comedies where the screenplay is much sharper and smarter and more interesting than a mainstream comedy would be.

[47:38] But the direction is much more slack.

[47:41] So it has the problem of seeming a little slower and longer than it should be.

[47:46] But it's still worth watching.

Stuart Wellington

[47:48] Anyone else?

[47:50] Hey, have I recommended Runaway yet?

[47:53] The Tom Selleck movie?

[47:55] Yeah.

[47:56] No, you haven't recommended Runaway.

[47:57] But watching Surrogates reminded me that, you know, how much I love science fiction.

[48:02] And when I think of science fiction, I think of Runaway starring Tom Selleck.

[48:07] Where he is like a future cop and he has a robot housekeeper.

[48:13] And the super criminal played by Gene Simmons of the rock and roll band Kiss.

Elliott Kalan

[48:19] Not the recently deceased actress Gene Simmons.

Stuart Wellington

[48:22] No, not her.

[48:23] It was the actor.

[48:24] Or not Gene Seberg either.

[48:26] No, it was the actor.

Elliott Kalan

[48:27] Not Professor Seaborg, discoverer of Seaborgium.

Dan McCoy

[48:30] Not Professor Seaborg from the show Futurama.

Elliott Kalan

[48:33] Not the Noid who ruins pizzas.

[48:37] It could have been the Noid.

Stuart Wellington

[48:38] He does wear a mask.

[48:39] Okay, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[48:41] Does the mask have ears?

Stuart Wellington

[48:42] Well, I mean, the Noid's mask has ears.

[48:45] I mean, but I think that's part of the mask.

Dan McCoy

[48:48] You should not watch that movie then because you're supposed to avoid the Noid.

Stuart Wellington

[48:52] He ruins pizzas.

[48:54] I can't say one way or the other.

[48:56] But it's pretty awesome.

[48:58] There's a bunch of little crappy robot spiders that kill people.

[49:03] And the bad guy invents bullets that can go around corners to shoot you because it has your name or DNA or some shit on it.

[49:11] And it's probably one of the only times where you'll find Kirstie Alley sexy.

Elliott Kalan

[49:19] A little movie called For Rich or Poor.

Stuart Wellington

[49:22] Oh, what?

[49:23] No mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[49:24] You know, the one with Tim Allen where they were in the Witness Protection Program.

[49:27] I did not know.

[49:27] And then it came Amish.

[49:29] So Runaway, go see it.

Dan McCoy

[49:29] I think you're thinking of Did You Hear About the Mormons?

[49:32] No, no.

[49:33] If you're looking for something –

[49:33] Did You Hear About the Mormons is what I almost said, which is a muckraking documentary.

Stuart Wellington

[49:39] Now, if you're not in the mood for Runaway, I would – I just watched The Pope of Greenwich Village.

[49:44] I would totally recommend that too with Mickey Rourke and Eric Roberts, if only for Eric Roberts' amazing New York accent.

Elliott Kalan

[49:57] In the tradition of recommending movies, I will now recommend the movie I wanted to recommend.

[50:04] A couple weeks ago I saw for the first time the movie Die, Die, My Darling, which I think is also known by the title Fanatic, which is, in my opinion now, the best of the old actress – old classic Hollywood actresses who play a crazy person.

[50:20] The one with Fresh Hush, Sweet Charlotte and whatever happened to Baby Jane.

[50:23] Exactly.

[50:23] And whatever happened to Baby Jane and some of the movies Biddy Davis made after that, I guess.

[50:27] Like, in that vein, this is the one with Tallulah Bankhead, I believe it is.

[50:33] And she is – her son has passed away, and her son's fiancé is coming to kind of give her condolences and meet her for the first time.

[50:43] And it turns out that she is – that Tallulah Bankhead is a complete religious fanatic who will save her fiancé's – her son's fiancé's soul, even if it means killing this woman.

[50:56] And it all takes place on her – or almost all takes place on her estate where she basically imprisons the woman.

[51:02] And she has her, like, groundskeepers and housekeeper who are in on this thing.

[51:05] And it veers between being kind of farcical at times to being very creepy and violent and scary.

[51:13] And it's a hammer film, I think, when they were moving away from supernatural things for a little bit, more towards psychological horror.

[51:21] But it was really good.

[51:23] And there's a Misfits song with the same title.

Stuart Wellington

[51:27] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[51:28] Oh.

[51:30] Wow.

[51:31] Metallica covered it.

Elliott Kalan

[51:32] Hmm.

[51:33] Well, I'd say the movie is even better than the song.

[51:36] Wait, which one?

[51:38] Either one.

[51:39] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[51:40] Wow.

[51:42] So, robots.

[51:44] Robots in disguise.

[51:47] Yeah, I guess they kind of were.

[51:48] Actually, not at all, no.

Elliott Kalan

[51:49] Everyone knew they were robots.

[51:51] Okay.

[51:51] They just assumed that they were robots.

Dan McCoy

[51:53] Humans in disguise.

[51:54] As robots.

[51:55] As robots.

[51:55] Yeah.

[51:57] Less than meets the eye.

[51:59] Yeah.

[52:00] That was the movie we watched to sum up.

[52:03] I never know how to finish these things.

Elliott Kalan

[52:05] Well, I mean, my recommendation, I apologize, was not, I should have gone first.

[52:09] It was not as energetic as I was hoping to be.

[52:11] Kind of a downer.

[52:12] Yeah.

[52:12] I don't know if it was a downer.

[52:14] I'm a little downer.

[52:14] I didn't recommend, like, Cries and Whispers or something like that.

Dan McCoy

[52:18] Sort of makes me want to just, you know, give up on life and, you know, recede into a robot.

Elliott Kalan

[52:24] Just let your robot handle it.

[52:26] Yeah.

[52:27] I'm going to.

[52:28] The robot's going to take care of things for a while.

Stuart Wellington

[52:29] The robot's going to recommend movies from now on.

Elliott Kalan

[52:32] Beep boop.

[52:33] I have a movie to recommend.

[52:35] Robots.

[52:36] You can't recommend robots every podcast, Dan Bot.

[52:40] Why not?

Dan McCoy

[52:41] It has a tour de force robot performance from Robot Williams.

Elliott Kalan

[52:48] Okay, I'll recommend Bicentennial Man, also starring Robot Williams.

[52:53] Not Jack.

[52:54] Jack doesn't have a robot in it.

Stuart Wellington

[52:57] I thought he was like, I don't like a robot.

[52:59] No.

[52:59] He's an aging robot.

Elliott Kalan

[53:00] He's a human child with an accelerated aging disease that does not exist.

Stuart Wellington

[53:06] Are we talking about the same movie?

[53:08] I thought that's the one where Robin Williams is a robot.

Elliott Kalan

[53:10] No, that's Bicentennial Man.

Stuart Wellington

[53:12] Are you sure it's not Jack?

Elliott Kalan

[53:13] And Mrs. Doubtfire.

[53:14] You're thinking of what dreams may robot.

[53:16] Or robot on the Hudson.

[53:18] I'm going to have to check this out.

Dan McCoy

[53:19] All right.

[53:20] Well, while we talk about more Robot Williams films, I'm going to sign off.

Elliott Kalan

[53:26] And there's also Robot Dreyfuss and Crippendroids Tribe.

Stuart Wellington

[53:33] Shut the fuck up.

[53:35] I've been Dan McCoy.

[53:37] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[53:38] I am still Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[53:40] I'm surprised he didn't robot that one up.

[53:42] I was thinking about it.

[53:43] Robot Kalin.

[53:44] I am Eldroid.

Elliott Kalan

[53:49] All I remember from his is that, sure, he was grinding on a girl, but they weren't wilding.

Stuart Wellington

[53:55] Well, it's important that you made that kind of clarification in your relationship.

[54:00] And, I mean, I think every relationship has a different line there.

[54:04] Yeah.

[54:04] It has a different definition of the line between wilding and grinding.

[54:07] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[54:08] And also, and what constitutes the need to smell someone's dick.

Stuart Wellington

[54:11] Yeah, absolutely.

[54:12] I mean, I smelled Dan's that one time.

[54:15] I don't need to know about that.

[54:16] It was a dare.

Elliott Kalan

[54:17] It was for drug-free America?

Stuart Wellington

[54:19] Yeah, I had to smell his dick so kids wouldn't do drugs.

The Flop House: Episode #61 - Surrogates

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