The Flop House: Episode #62 - Legion

Dan McCoy

[0:00] You know what would be cool? Angels with Uzis.

[0:04] That's what the 13-year-old boy who wrote Legion thought.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] I am Elliot Kalin.

Dan McCoy

[0:41] Two in a row, guys.

[0:42] Yeah.

[0:43] Ooh.

[0:43] Two in a row with all of us.

[0:45] It's a good run.

Elliott Kalan

[0:46] Oh, man.

[0:47] So, uh...

[0:48] And I am beat. Well, let's call it a day, huh?

Dan McCoy

[0:50] Well, I'm getting pretty old. Speaking of which...

[0:54] What, it's your birthday?

[0:55] Somebody's birthday's coming up.

[0:57] My birthday this Saturday.

Stuart Wellington

[0:57] That's pretty sneaky the way you dropped that one in there.

Dan McCoy

[0:59] I don't see any gifts in you guys' hands.

[1:02] I don't...

[1:02] Um...

[1:03] I mean, I don't know whether they're...

[1:04] Well, I...

[1:05] You know...

[1:06] Not in your pocket. I don't...

Elliott Kalan

[1:07] I prefer to give the gift a friendship.

[1:10] Hmm.

[1:10] Yeah.

[1:10] It's the gift that keeps on giving as long as I decide to.

Stuart Wellington

[1:13] I mean, we're all getting older.

[1:14] I thought, like, just showing up was a gift.

Elliott Kalan

[1:17] Yeah, we're kind of at the age where presents are kind of phased out.

[1:19] I see.

Dan McCoy

[1:20] Yeah.

[1:21] So, you believe that just, you know, every day is a gift.

Stuart Wellington

[1:26] Yeah.

[1:27] Really, like, every day that we're alive and demons aren't killing us,

[1:29] killing our babies is a gift, right?

[1:31] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[1:31] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[1:31] Every day we're not barricaded in a diner with an angel fighting other angels.

[1:35] I don't understand this.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36] Every day we don't have to watch...

[1:38] Simile, this metaphor.

[1:39] The movie Legion.

[1:40] The movie Legion is a gift.

[1:42] Oh, okay.

[1:43] Gift given to us by the Lord above.

[1:46] Today was not a gift.

[1:48] No.

[1:49] Today was bad.

[1:50] I mean, it had its moments before I got here, obviously.

Elliott Kalan

[1:53] It was a gift, but it was a bad gift.

[1:55] It was like the movie The Gift?

[1:58] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[1:59] But the movie The Gift gave us the gift of Katie Holmes' breasts back when she was not

[2:03] raising.

Elliott Kalan

[2:03] Well, I'll return that if the receipt's still around.

[2:06] Yeah.

[2:06] No.

[2:07] I'd rather have a gift.

Stuart Wellington

[2:07] I mean, it's not like Terry Hatcher's breasts in Heaven's Prisoner.

[2:10] Yikes.

[2:11] Yeah.

[2:11] Which are like two sunny side eggs.

[2:13] It's not like the movie The Gift aged.

[2:15] Two sunny side eggs.

[2:16] No, no.

[2:17] I'd rather have the movie The Gift aged with Katie Holmes.

Elliott Kalan

[2:21] Katie Holmes is now an ancient hag.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] No, but she's like a crazy, like, you know, she's Tom Cruise's crazy kept woman.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] I'd rather return, see if I can exchange it for The Gift of Scarlett Johansson's boobs.

Dan McCoy

[2:31] Oh, that's a real trade-up.

Elliott Kalan

[2:33] I'll pay the difference.

[2:35] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[2:35] I have a gift certificate.

[2:36] Hollywood?

[2:37] To Celebrity Boobs.

[2:38] Is that how you work?

[2:39] If it is, give us a call.

[2:40] Isn't that a website?

[2:41] Celebrity Boobs?

[2:42] I assume it has to be.

[2:43] Oh, no.

Dan McCoy

[2:43] That's Mr. Skin.

Elliott Kalan

[2:46] You sound nothing alike, but I'm sure they do the same thing.

Dan McCoy

[2:48] We have almost immediately derailed this into the theater.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] You were the one who brought up your birthday.

[2:53] Us?

[2:54] Last time I checked, this wasn't a birthday podcast.

[2:57] It wasn't a podcast where we talked about how old we were getting.

Dan McCoy

[2:59] It segued nicely into Legion.

[3:03] Not anymore.

[3:04] And then I went into breasts.

Elliott Kalan

[3:06] So what are you doing for your birthday?

[3:08] I'm going to New York City Brewfest, actually.

Dan McCoy

[3:11] Wait, really?

[3:12] On Governor's Island.

[3:13] Oh, wow.

Stuart Wellington

[3:14] Wait, I thought we were hanging out.

Dan McCoy

[3:15] No, there's a party.

[3:17] When?

[3:17] At the Brewfest?

[3:18] No, it's later on.

[3:20] Oh, okay.

[3:20] It's after the Brewfest.

[3:21] This is an ill-conceived notion.

[3:23] And then what are we doing?

[3:24] What are we doing?

[3:25] I'm sure that I will be tired and angry by the time I show up at my own party.

[3:28] Oh, just the way I like hanging out.

Stuart Wellington

[3:29] Wait, are you going to post this before your birthday?

Elliott Kalan

[3:32] Because if so, we can do a movie minute.

[3:34] No, we can't.

Stuart Wellington

[3:35] Yeah, I was just going to say, because we could promote your birthday party and see...

[3:39] Flophouse fans.

[3:40] See which local fans might want to show up to.

[3:42] No, I wouldn't do that.

[3:43] Oh, that'd be weird.

Elliott Kalan

[3:43] Oh, wow.

[3:44] Too good to hang out with your fans, huh?

[3:45] Yeah, what the fuck, dude?

[3:46] No wonder you don't have a hook.

[3:47] Elliot and I will talk to him.

[3:48] No wonder people don't like you.

[3:49] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[3:50] I'd love to hang out with Flophouse.

[3:50] Yeah, I'd love to talk to some Flophouse fans.

[3:52] Yeah.

[3:53] We could talk about who their favorite flopper is.

[3:55] Yes.

[3:56] Hint.

[3:57] Wink.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] Wink, wink.

[3:57] You know what I mean?

[3:58] I know you can narrow it down to two.

[4:00] Mm-hmm.

[4:01] Since one of us hates you, so...

[4:04] Yeah.

[4:05] And his name is Dan.

[4:07] Thanks for clarifying that.

Stuart Wellington

[4:09] Flophouse fans like it when things are simple and clear.

[4:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:13] Wait, now I think you're the one insulting them.

[4:15] No way!

[4:16] We watched a movie called Legion.

[4:18] Legion.

[4:19] Legion.

[4:19] It starred Paul Bettany.

[4:22] Starred in a loose sense.

Elliott Kalan

[4:23] It didn't really do that much.

Stuart Wellington

[4:25] It didn't do much and was not necessary for much of the movie.

[4:28] Didn't act a lot.

[4:29] Yeah.

[4:30] Stood around.

[4:31] Mm-hmm.

[4:31] Shot a bunch of guns.

[4:33] Shot machine guns one-handed.

Dan McCoy

[4:35] It's a movie about religion.

[4:37] Oh, yes.

Elliott Kalan

[4:38] This was a religious drama, much like much of Ingmar Bergman's work.

[4:42] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[4:42] It was a real think piece.

[4:44] So it starred Paul Bettany.

[4:47] It also has Charles S. Dutton.

[4:50] You might know him as Rock.

[4:51] TV's Rock.

[4:51] Yeah.

[4:52] You might know him as the guy from Mimic.

[4:54] You might also know a little Dennis Quaid.

[4:58] A little Dennis Quaid.

[4:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[4:59] A little Dennis Quaid is the kid version of Dennis Quaid, who's on Noggin.

[5:05] Doug Jones.

[5:07] The fabulous Baker kids.

Dan McCoy

[5:09] Doug Jones is a minor character.

[5:11] The girl from Friday Night Lights, right?

[5:13] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[5:13] Adrienne Padalecki.

[5:14] That's her name?

[5:15] From Friday Night Lights.

[5:17] What's that?

[5:17] Polish?

[5:18] I have no idea.

[5:19] I'm not her father.

Elliott Kalan

[5:21] If this was the 30s in Hollywood, she would have been named Adrienne Pedals.

[5:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:26] She played Tyra Collette on Friday Night Lights.

Stuart Wellington

[5:29] Much better on Friday Night Lights, I gotta tell you.

[5:31] But then she wasn't pregnant on Friday Night Lights.

Dan McCoy

[5:34] There are a lot of TV stars in this.

[5:35] Kate Walsh from TV's Grey's Anatomy slash Private Practice was in it.

Elliott Kalan

[5:40] Yeah.

[5:41] And also Rock, we mentioned.

Dan McCoy

[5:44] Willa Holland from TV's The O.C. was Kate Walsh's daughter.

Elliott Kalan

[5:49] Wow.

[5:49] You really know a lot more about TV than I do.

[5:51] Yeah, you do.

Stuart Wellington

[5:51] You should do a TV podcast instead of this one.

[5:55] Yeah.

[5:55] You seem to love television.

[5:56] It might be better.

Dan McCoy

[5:58] Okay.

[5:58] Well, I guess I would have to fire you, too, since you don't know anything about television.

[6:01] What?

Stuart Wellington

[6:02] I mean, I could show up and get drunk.

[6:04] I don't know anything about movies.

[6:05] I don't know anything about comedy.

[6:08] Okay.

[6:08] That's fair enough.

[6:10] Everybody gets quiet and looks at me awkwardly.

[6:13] Yeah.

[6:13] Wait a minute.

[6:14] Like, what is he doing here?

[6:14] There's some dead weight we're carrying around.

[6:16] Well, the reason I'm here is because I...

[6:19] You're wearing an impressive muscle tee right now.

[6:21] Sure.

[6:22] An Italian tee?

[6:23] Yeah.

[6:23] It says face on the front.

[6:24] That's true.

Dan McCoy

[6:25] You apparently starred in the A-Team remake and we didn't know about it.

Stuart Wellington

[6:31] Didn't A-Team remake?

[6:33] Is that a TV program?

Elliott Kalan

[6:35] It's A-Team adaptation.

[6:37] Feature film.

Stuart Wellington

[6:38] Oh, it's a feature film.

[6:39] Sure.

[6:39] Who's in it?

Elliott Kalan

[6:41] B.A.

[6:41] Brockus, Face, Hannibal, and Murdoch.

Stuart Wellington

[6:44] So the characters from the original A-Team series were in the...

[6:47] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[6:47] They played themselves.

Dan McCoy

[6:49] That's nice to know.

[6:50] Except for I was implying that you played face.

[6:53] Let's see.

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] Okay, so I was face.

[6:54] We watched a movie called Legion.

Dan McCoy

[6:55] Okay.

[6:56] Elliot, why don't you explain this movie because we're talking in circles.

Elliott Kalan

[6:59] All right.

[7:00] Our main hero character, Paul Bettany, is an...

[7:03] Like a Moebius strip.

[7:04] ...is the Archangel Michael, who I believe is an archangel.

[7:08] He appears in L.A., slashes his wings off, and his halo comes off.

[7:12] Like in Terminator.

[7:13] This movie is basically Terminator, but with angels instead of robots.

[7:17] He appears, then he gets a bunch of guns, and it turns out he's going to a roadside diner

[7:22] where a collection of characters who have, let's just say, unhappy pasts have been assembled.

Dan McCoy

[7:27] A roadside diner in a non-town called Paradise Falls.

Elliott Kalan

[7:32] Holy shit, I just got that.

[7:34] Yeah, Paradise Falls.

[7:35] It turns out there's...

[7:36] Because the angels fell, right?

[7:38] Yes, from Paradise.

[7:39] Okay.

[7:39] There's a pregnant waitress at the diner, and it turns out her baby will be some sort of vague,

[7:46] not very well-defined messiah when he's born.

[7:50] And God has decided he hates humanity, and he's going to send an army of...

[7:54] And he's going to send darkness and an army of angels to obliterate the species.

Stuart Wellington

[7:59] Will her child have the JC initials?

[8:02] Because every messiah-type character has those.

[8:05] I don't know if you guys paid attention to the English class.

[8:08] You know?

[8:09] Your John Connors.

[8:11] Yep.

[8:11] Yeah, they taught me a lot about John...

[8:12] Your Jim Casey's from Grapes of Wrath.

Elliott Kalan

[8:14] Yeah, in English class, we learned a lot about John Connors and the Terminator mythology.

[8:20] Now, your assignment tonight is to read issues 1 through 4 of the Now Comics series, The Terminator.

[8:26] We'll work our way up to the Dark Horse comics.

[8:29] Shouldn't we be reading, like, Shakespeare and stuff?

[8:31] Get out of my class.

[8:33] It's basically The Terminator with angels.

[8:35] So there's a bunch of angels that are supposed to come and kill these people.

[8:38] They do it by...

[8:40] Instead of a T-1000 taking the forms of people it kills,

[8:44] the angels inhabit the bodies of people and turn them into monsters.

[8:49] And this is, I believe, part of where the name Legion comes from.

[8:53] It's not just a legion of, you know, like a brigade of angels.

[8:57] Sure.

[8:58] But Legion in the New Testament...

[9:00] I am Legion.

[9:01] I am Legion is kind of a demon made up of a collection of demonic things,

[9:05] and he possesses a body.

[9:06] And I believe that's the one that Christ casts out of someone's body.

[9:10] And writers, or rather, listeners, write in and correct me on this if I'm wrong.

Dan McCoy

[9:15] Although they do not originally come as a Legion.

[9:18] Originally they come Kung Fu style, one at a time.

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] One at a time, yeah.

[9:21] I keep speaking the same things as you, I'm sorry.

[9:24] They decide that there's an army of angels,

[9:27] there's a group of nobodies at a diner.

[9:29] The best way to kill them is

[9:31] to inhabit the bodies of the frail and weak,

[9:34] such as an old lady,

[9:35] and then appear one at a time and randomly lash out,

[9:38] be shot to death with guns,

[9:40] and then come again another time.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] Yeah, and not even attack the person that they're meaning to attack first.

[9:46] That's the pregnant chick.

[9:48] Yeah, they don't go for the pregnant woman.

[9:49] Probably one of the easier to...

Stuart Wellington

[9:50] She's probably one of the easier ones to take out.

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] Instead, they want to creep out the diners,

[9:57] so they just attack everybody else one by one.

[10:00] And they barricade the diner,

[10:02] and it's armies of possessed people walking up and getting shot.

Stuart Wellington

[10:05] And the movie does a pretty good job of surprising you

[10:10] as to who's going to be a demon, right?

Elliott Kalan

[10:13] Well, the first demon that we see...

[10:15] Well, they're not really demons, they're angels, but the first...

[10:18] Well, let's call them demons.

[10:19] Let's call them demons because it's really stupid.

Stuart Wellington

[10:21] Because if I keep saying angels in a bad way,

[10:24] I'll feel kind of bad about it.

[10:26] Well, the first demon...

[10:27] Because I'm super religious.

Elliott Kalan

[10:29] The first demon we see in a big way,

[10:33] an old lady...

[10:33] Oh, in a big way.

[10:34] He's busting out all over America.

[10:36] Because there's one in the first scene

[10:38] that takes over the body of an LAPD cop briefly,

[10:40] but that doesn't really count.

[10:43] An old lady drives up...

Stuart Wellington

[10:44] Why doesn't it count?

[10:45] Because it's LAPD or...

[10:47] Because it doesn't really do anything interesting.

[10:48] Is that your critique of their police force or...

[10:50] A little bit.

[10:51] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[10:52] The first...

[10:53] Okay, the second demon we see,

[10:55] but the first one that really isn't exciting at all...

[10:57] Sure.

[10:58] And I use that term as loosely as possible,

[11:01] is an old lady.

[11:02] And the way I would do this scene...

[11:04] Okay.

[11:04] The old lady walks into the diner,

[11:06] unsuspecting,

[11:08] starts saying kind of off things...

Stuart Wellington

[11:10] I mean, you're suspecting

[11:11] because you saw her in the trailer

[11:12] acting like a demon.

Elliott Kalan

[11:13] Well, this is assuming you didn't see the trailer,

[11:14] even though it was in every commercial.

[11:16] Okay.

[11:17] And then suddenly she turns into a monster

[11:19] and attacks somebody.

[11:21] Okay.

[11:21] Tries to attack the waitress.

[11:23] The waitress jumps back.

[11:24] Somebody else gets in the way and gets killed.

[11:26] And then the old lady gets killed.

[11:27] That's how I do it.

[11:28] Instead, here's how it happens.

[11:29] The most ominous possible shots of the old lady

[11:33] from above, from behind, from below,

[11:35] with scary music playing,

[11:37] as she walks into the diner,

[11:39] she asks for a raw steak.

[11:42] And as she sits there looking at it,

[11:43] flies come out of somewhere.

[11:45] A shitload of flies are all over the place, right?

[11:46] It's landing on the steak.

[11:47] She talks to the waitress and says,

[11:49] your baby's gonna burn in hell.

[11:50] The waitress is like,

[11:51] fuck you, lady.

Stuart Wellington

[11:51] Yeah, she does a real Betty White on her, right?

[11:53] Yeah, exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[11:55] The waitress walks away.

Stuart Wellington

[11:57] And you were cracking up

[11:58] because you love it

[11:58] when old people start talking sass and shit.

Elliott Kalan

[12:01] Oh, there's nothing funnier to me

[12:02] than an old lady cursing or rapping.

[12:05] The only thing I guess funny would be

[12:06] if a big scary biker walks up.

[12:08] And then he starts talking about art

[12:10] or something delicate

[12:11] that you don't expect a biker to talk about.

Stuart Wellington

[12:13] Yeah, how does he know about that stuff?

Elliott Kalan

[12:15] I mean, that's basically the best humor there is.

[12:18] There's nothing funnier than that.

[12:19] The pinnacle.

[12:20] And then the old lady yells at

[12:22] the husband of the woman from Grey's Anatomy

[12:26] and he goes,

[12:27] hey, that's my wife you're talking to.

[12:29] And she becomes a monster and attacks that guy.

Dan McCoy

[12:32] Yeah, rips out his throat, basically.

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] When at any point she could have just attacked the waitress

[12:37] and done her job right away.

[12:40] The angel who wants to protect them

[12:42] hasn't even shown up yet.

[12:43] Yeah.

[12:44] Could have been easy.

[12:45] But that's around when

[12:46] the angel, Paul Bettany,

[12:49] shows up.

[12:50] He's got a car full of guns.

[12:52] Sure.

[12:52] And he takes a lead of this ragtag team.

Dan McCoy

[12:56] And he does this by coming out.

[12:59] They're all, you know,

[13:01] what's the word?

[13:03] They're justifiably upset about what just happened.

[13:06] A monster attacked them.

[13:08] You know.

[13:08] And so they're, you know,

[13:09] waving guns in Paul Bettany's face.

[13:11] They don't know who this guy is.

[13:12] He's in a cop car,

[13:14] but he doesn't look like a cop.

[13:15] And Paul Bettany talks in completely cryptic,

[13:18] you know,

[13:20] phrases.

[13:21] Grabs the gun away from Dennis Quaid.

[13:23] Points it at his head.

[13:24] Tyrese.

[13:25] Oh, we forgot that Tyrese Gibson is also in this movie.

[13:27] From Transformers.

[13:28] Yeah.

[13:28] He's holding a gun to Paul Bettany.

[13:31] From Fast and Furious.

[13:33] A swarm of locusts is bearing down on them.

[13:35] I think he was in Baby Boy also.

[13:37] Yeah, yeah.

[13:37] And then.

[13:38] And Bettany, like,

[13:39] gives the gun back to Dennis Quaid

[13:41] after he had just had it at his forehead

[13:43] and turns away to get a bunch of guns out of the trunk

[13:46] to toss to everyone.

Stuart Wellington

[13:48] Why doesn't Tyrese Gibson just, like, shoot him?

[13:51] Because they're being cool.

Dan McCoy

[13:52] They're being cool.

[13:53] I guess.

[13:54] Like, there's nothing that Paul Bettany has done or said

[13:57] has indicated that he is anything but a threat at this point.

Elliott Kalan

[14:00] Paul Bettany doesn't explain what's going on

[14:01] until probably an hour into,

[14:03] hour and, you know,

[14:04] I don't know,

[14:05] ten minutes into the movie.

[14:06] And up to that point,

[14:07] everyone's been following his lead

[14:08] as wave after wave of the most incompetent angels in the world

[14:13] try to get into this,

[14:14] or demons try to get into this place.

Stuart Wellington

[14:16] You know, I can give the angel demons

[14:18] a little bit of credit initially

[14:19] because maybe they were like,

[14:21] look, we got as much time as we want to kill this baby.

[14:24] Let's take our time and try and spook everybody out.

[14:27] Get them really scared first.

[14:29] They didn't expect Paul Bettany to show up

[14:31] with a shitload of machine guns,

[14:33] which, of course, he does.

[14:35] He's like angel kryptonite.

[14:36] Yeah, apparently bullets kill.

Elliott Kalan

[14:38] Well, it's like the demons,

[14:40] the angel demons are taking over the bodies of people.

Stuart Wellington

[14:43] Yeah, and when they do it,

[14:44] their heads, like, go all crazy,

[14:46] like in The Matrix.

[14:46] Yeah, they shake around a lot.

[14:48] Flashback.

[14:48] When Agent Smith takes over a dude.

Dan McCoy

[14:50] Guys, flashback.

[14:52] To the 1970s.

[14:53] A year and a half ago,

[14:55] whenever Legion actually came out,

[14:57] or before Legion came out.

[14:59] Sure.

[15:00] And I showed you the trailer.

[15:00] A different world.

[15:02] Whatever world it was,

[15:03] but I showed you the trailer online.

[15:05] Pre the Deep Horizon water.

[15:08] And we all had mustaches.

Elliott Kalan

[15:09] Yep.

[15:10] We wore completely different clothes.

[15:12] I was married.

[15:13] Sure.

[15:13] Wow.

[15:13] Dan was single.

Stuart Wellington

[15:15] I was like 14, I think.

[15:18] And somehow the mayor of Cleveland.

[15:20] Yeah, and I had a baseball cap on backwards

[15:21] with a tuft of hair sticking out the front

[15:23] and a skateboard in my hair.

[15:24] Slingshot out of your back pocket.

[15:25] Sure.

[15:26] And I was urinating on a Ford logo.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] To show your disapproval of Ford.

Stuart Wellington

[15:31] I don't think it's a very good brand.

Elliott Kalan

[15:33] I love the idea that you're always constantly

[15:35] pushing around a giant Ford logo

[15:37] so you can piss on it.

Dan McCoy

[15:38] I want to know how you got that

[15:39] such a good arc to your urine, too.

[15:42] Yeah.

[15:43] Like a really...

[15:44] Without showing anybody your penis.

[15:45] I drink a lot of mercury.

Elliott Kalan

[15:47] It adds weight to my urine.

[15:50] Makes it easier to plot the trajectory.

[15:52] No, but the point was, like,

Dan McCoy

[15:54] you guys had not heard about this movie at that time.

[15:57] And I showed you the trailer online.

[15:59] Are you trying to show off?

[16:00] No, I'm just saying, like,

[16:01] your immediate reaction was...

Elliott Kalan

[16:02] I'm a bigger Legion fan than you

[16:04] because I knew about it before you did.

[16:05] Fuck you.

[16:08] Hipster Legion fan.

Dan McCoy

[16:09] Oh, God.

[16:09] Your immediate reaction was exactly what I hoped,

[16:11] which was you just looked at it and like,

[16:14] this is stupid.

Stuart Wellington

[16:16] I think we gave each other a lot of high fives

[16:18] and we're, like, pumping our fists.

[16:20] Throughout the trailer.

Dan McCoy

[16:21] Yeah, yeah.

[16:22] But this led to one of the longest running

[16:24] Flophouse inside jokes

[16:26] that has never happened on the podcast itself.

[16:29] Oh, that's right.

[16:29] Along with Seven Pounds.

[16:32] Our Batman villain?

[16:33] The Batman villain,

[16:34] who has completely existed off microphone.

[16:38] Thank God.

[16:39] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[16:40] It's when we saw the movie Seven Pounds,

[16:42] we were so bored

[16:43] that we invented this character

[16:45] who commits seven pounds-related crimes.

Dan McCoy

[16:49] Batman, I've just stolen seven pounds.

[16:53] Those are the pound sterling, you know, in London.

[16:57] You're like,

[16:57] oh, that's not a very big crime.

[16:59] I don't usually...

Elliott Kalan

[16:59] The seven-pound diamond

[17:00] is on display at the Gotham Museum.

[17:03] Do you think seven pounds might try to steal it?

Stuart Wellington

[17:07] On and on and so forth.

[17:08] It goes like that.

[17:09] It was pretty hilarious, if I recall.

[17:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] I mean, funnier than what we just did, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[17:14] Maybe Seven Pounds funnier?

[17:16] Are you saying what we just did

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] was not as funny as, like,

[17:18] an old lady swearing and rapping, or...?

Stuart Wellington

[17:20] I'd put it in between swearing and rapping

[17:22] and, I don't know,

[17:24] some kind of anthropomorphic animal

[17:25] doing a breakdance.

[17:26] Oh, or singing a poppy...

[17:27] Like a kangaroo jack, say.

Elliott Kalan

[17:28] Yeah.

[17:29] Like an anthropomorphic animal

[17:30] singing a song

[17:31] that, like, the parents of the kids

[17:33] who see the movie

[17:34] would remember from when they were young.

Dan McCoy

[17:36] Sure.

[17:36] But the point is, this...

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] That reminds me,

[17:39] we gotta watch Marmaduke

[17:40] when it's on DVD.

[17:41] Anyway, you're saying...

Dan McCoy

[17:41] Second only to Seven Pounds

[17:43] was the...

[17:44] Is Jason Lee in that?

Elliott Kalan

[17:45] I don't think so.

Dan McCoy

[17:47] That's too bad.

[17:48] Was your reaction to the fact

[17:49] that all the angels

[17:51] could get easily mowed down

[17:52] by machine guns

[17:53] in the Legion trailer

[17:55] and, indeed, the Legion film.

Elliott Kalan

[17:57] They are the weakest,

[17:58] most unintimidating angels,

[18:01] and mainly one of us

[18:02] would interview the other

[18:03] about how to kill angels.

Stuart Wellington

[18:05] If these angels are so weak,

[18:07] I mean, they gotta be

[18:07] really smart or something, right?

[18:09] No, they're actually

[18:09] dumber than normal people.

[18:11] Okay.

[18:11] Are they really tall?

[18:12] Are they, like, superhumanly tall?

[18:14] Average height is about 5'3".

[18:16] Do they have claws on their hands

[18:17] and some regular fingers?

[18:18] No.

[18:18] They're actually missing

[18:19] some fingers.

[18:20] Okay.

[18:20] Can they, like, breathe fire

[18:21] or shoot lasers out of their eyes?

[18:23] They have asthma

Elliott Kalan

[18:23] and poor eyesight.

[18:25] And so on and so forth.

[18:27] Like, yeah,

[18:27] but you could probably stop them.

[18:28] You need, like,

[18:28] a magic bullet or something, right?

[18:30] No, no, no.

[18:31] Regular bullets.

[18:31] That does the job.

[18:33] Regular bullets actually

[18:34] cause more damage to them

[18:35] than if they were actual humans.

Stuart Wellington

[18:37] But they're super strong, right?

[18:39] No, no.

[18:40] The gravity of Earth

[18:41] is much higher than Heaven,

[18:42] so they're weaker than,

[18:44] I don't know,

[18:44] a 14-year-old child.

Elliott Kalan

[18:45] Oh, okay.

[18:46] I get it.

[18:46] But, like,

[18:47] they can jump really high.

Stuart Wellington

[18:49] No, once again,

[18:50] they gave up their wings

[18:52] and they've never had to use their legs,

[18:53] so they're not very good at jumping.

Dan McCoy

[18:56] I mean,

[18:56] and this was the joke,

[18:57] having not seen the film,

[18:58] but having seen the film,

[18:59] it's pretty accurate.

[19:00] So accurate.

Elliott Kalan

[19:01] It's like,

[19:02] an army of angels

[19:03] is gonna attack us.

[19:05] They're just gonna,

[19:05] but they're basically zombies,

[19:07] so we'll just mow them down

[19:08] as they bump into things.

[19:09] Yeah, wave after wave

Dan McCoy

[19:10] of angels from Heaven

[19:11] being killed by guns.

Stuart Wellington

[19:13] It's not just that they're zombies,

[19:15] because zombies would continue

[19:17] to go toward the heroes,

[19:18] but most of them

[19:19] stand at the edge of vision

[19:21] to be shot at

[19:22] and make pretty good targets

[19:23] for the various characters.

Stuart Wellington

[19:23] And the zombie would have

Elliott Kalan

[19:24] to at least hit their brain,

[19:25] whereas with these guys,

[19:27] it can be a glancing blow.

[19:28] Maybe they just heard a gun go off

Dan McCoy

[19:30] and they died.

[19:32] Oh, and by the way,

[19:33] these angels somehow cannot

[19:34] breach the perimeter of a diner,

[19:36] of a desert diner.

[19:37] They can't come in through the...

[19:39] The back door?

[19:40] The doors.

[19:41] No, they put a table

[19:43] in front of that door.

[19:44] That's a sturdy table.

Stuart Wellington

[19:46] Oh, yeah, it's a diner-level table.

[19:48] That's old-time crap.

[19:49] And windows that aren't

[19:50] boarded up or covered.

[19:51] Yeah.

[19:51] I mean, they're made out of glass

[19:53] with the blinds drawn.

Elliott Kalan

[19:54] Oh, by the way,

[19:54] it's also, there's a plague

[19:55] of darkness on the earth

[19:56] while this is happening,

[19:57] so it's nighttime.

Stuart Wellington

[19:59] So if you were concerned

[20:00] about maybe the special effects

[20:02] being really obvious,

[20:04] not the case.

[20:04] It's way too dark

[20:05] to tell what's going on.

Elliott Kalan

[20:06] You can't see anything.

[20:07] This is maybe the worst shot movie

[20:09] we've ever seen

[20:09] in this series.

[20:10] Well, the director

[20:11] plays with focus a lot,

Stuart Wellington

[20:13] so most of the time,

[20:14] whatever's in the forefront

[20:15] of the shot

[20:16] is hyper-focused.

[20:17] Everything else

[20:18] is really blurry.

[20:19] So you see, like, fingers

[20:20] and that's about it.

Elliott Kalan

[20:21] It's like John Frankenheimer,

[20:22] how he used to like

[20:23] to have a close-up

[20:24] in the front,

[20:25] like, right up to you,

[20:26] and in the background,

[20:27] there'd be, like,

[20:28] action going on behind.

[20:29] Except here,

[20:30] what's in the front

[20:31] is really blurry,

[20:32] and what's in the back

[20:33] is too dark to see.

[20:34] So you just kind of can hear

[20:36] that something is happening.

Stuart Wellington

[20:37] And as far as hearing,

[20:39] you can't really tell

[20:40] because there's a lot

[20:40] of rock music going on.

Elliott Kalan

[20:43] So ultimately,

[20:44] should I say what happens

[20:45] in the movie?

[20:45] Yeah, please.

[20:46] Ultimately,

[20:46] this baby is born,

[20:48] and then it turns out

[20:49] that once the baby is born,

[20:50] the problem is not solved.

[20:51] This baby,

Dan McCoy

[20:52] this baby,

[20:53] though,

[20:53] by the way,

[20:54] takes a licking

[20:55] and keeps on ticking.

[20:56] There's a point where

[20:57] it's like,

[20:57] in a car crash.

Stuart Wellington

[20:58] Well,

[20:58] it's like thrown

[20:59] from a person's hands

Dan McCoy

[21:00] and someone dies.

[21:01] Perfect spiral.

[21:02] Perfect spiral.

[21:03] Easy to catch.

[21:03] Yeah,

[21:04] then it goes through

[21:04] a car crash.

[21:05] It has no,

[21:06] like,

[21:06] baby carrier suit.

[21:08] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[21:08] And then the archangel

[21:10] Gabriel comes down.

[21:11] By the way,

Stuart Wellington

[21:11] that car crash

[21:12] would have killed

[21:12] all the angels

[21:13] if they'd been in that car.

Elliott Kalan

[21:15] I think just,

[21:16] just be,

[21:17] like,

[21:18] smelling gasoline

[21:19] from the car crash

[21:20] would,

[21:20] they'd be like,

[21:21] oh,

[21:21] I can't breathe.

[21:22] Just hearing

[21:24] that there was,

[21:25] hearing there was

[21:26] a car crash somewhere,

[21:27] they would die of anxiety.

[21:29] But,

[21:30] the archangel

[21:31] Gabriel comes down

[21:32] and he,

[21:32] and he and Michael

[21:34] have a,

[21:35] Paul Bettany,

[21:35] have a kind of

[21:36] brotherly relationship.

[21:38] They're kind of gay

[21:39] for each other.

Stuart Wellington

[21:39] And the guy who played,

[21:39] the guy who played Gabriel,

[21:41] if I recall,

[21:42] Dan,

[21:42] I don't know the guy's name.

[21:44] And you,

[21:44] do you know his name?

[21:45] On Lost?

[21:46] He was,

[21:46] he was played Kimi on Lost.

[21:47] But you don't know

[21:48] the actor's name?

[21:48] Oh, Kima from The Wire?

[21:49] Yeah,

[21:50] I think it was Kima Griggs.

[21:51] And he also played

[21:52] the blob in

[21:54] X-Men Origins,

[21:55] colon Wolverine.

[21:57] X-Men Origins?

[21:59] It's a choice.

[21:59] You want to watch

[22:00] X-Men or wear a pair of jeans?

[22:02] I'll take the jeans.

[22:04] I don't know if I'd go with that.

[22:05] I mean,

[22:05] Wolverine.

[22:06] X-Men Origins.

[22:09] It's X-Men Origins,

[22:10] comma Wolverine.

[22:12] Someone's asking him

[22:12] that question.

[22:13] It was Colin, actually.

[22:13] If it was comma,

[22:14] it'd be a kind of strange movie title.

[22:15] X-Men Origins,

[22:16] Wolverine?

Dan McCoy

[22:20] Now, if,

[22:21] all right,

[22:21] so,

[22:21] if Wolverine is given the choice

[22:23] of joining the X-Men

[22:24] and wearing jeans,

[22:25] I think he should join the X-Men.

[22:27] But if Wolverine is getting

[22:28] always wearing jeans,

Elliott Kalan

[22:30] always wearing jeans,

[22:31] what,

[22:31] is he going to wear khakis?

[22:32] You mean Wolverine's not

[22:33] going to look too intimidating

[22:34] in a pair of Dockers?

[22:35] He wears some cargo pants.

[22:36] Yeah,

Stuart Wellington

[22:36] like really puffy cargo pants,

[22:38] like he's going to a rave.

[22:39] Come on.

[22:40] I don't see that.

[22:41] Or like,

Elliott Kalan

[22:41] maybe they'll let him

[22:42] wear cut-off jean shorts.

[22:44] Like biker shorts?

Dan McCoy

[22:44] He's got that samurai side to him.

[22:45] He can wear those kind of,

[22:46] like those kung fu,

[22:48] like those puffy pants

[22:49] that they got.

[22:49] Yeah,

[22:50] I don't see it.

[22:50] Well,

[22:50] like the ones that the guys

Stuart Wellington

[22:51] wear when they go to raves?

[22:52] No.

[22:53] Or way into like

[22:54] industrial music?

Stuart Wellington

[22:54] No,

Dan McCoy

[22:54] like a loose fitting

[22:55] sort of linen sort of thing.

Elliott Kalan

[22:56] It's the kind of parachute pants

[22:58] that like Fred Rerun Barry

[22:59] used to wear.

[22:59] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[23:00] I was hoping to be more

[23:01] like running shorts

[23:02] or something

[23:03] because it allows

[23:03] a lot more movement

[23:04] which,

[23:05] you know,

[23:05] he's a pretty active member

[23:06] of the X-Men.

[23:07] He's wearing those

Elliott Kalan

[23:07] 1970s basketball shorts

[23:09] that are really short.

Stuart Wellington

[23:10] Sure,

[23:10] and with his body hair,

[23:11] I think that's a bad choice.

Elliott Kalan

[23:13] Yes.

[23:14] Anywho,

[23:15] but he plays,

[23:16] they have an angry

[23:18] brother relationship

[23:19] and they fight a lot

[23:20] and Gabriel,

[23:21] I guess,

[23:22] decides that it's time

[23:23] to stop dicking around

[23:24] and actually go kill

[23:25] this baby

[23:26] and he is

[23:27] a powerhouse fighter.

[23:29] Impervious to bullets,

[23:31] he has some kind

[23:32] of mechano mace

[23:33] that has lots

[23:34] of different metal,

[23:35] like knives on it.

[23:37] It's a mace with knives

[23:38] and it spins at one point.

Stuart Wellington

[23:39] So wait,

[23:40] he's impervious to bullets.

[23:41] How does everybody

[23:42] try to defeat him?

Elliott Kalan

[23:43] By shooting him.

[23:44] And that's how

[23:45] That's a weird call.

Dan McCoy

[23:46] Paul Bettany

[23:47] playing an angel

[23:48] Well, but I mean,

[23:49] for the rest of the film,

[23:50] that's been a very good strategy.

[23:51] This guy apparently

[23:52] sucked the power

[23:53] from all the other angels

[23:54] and stole it for himself.

[23:56] Okay, I like it.

Elliott Kalan

[23:56] And he fights Paul Bettany

[23:58] for a while.

[23:59] The people with the baby

[24:00] get away

[24:00] and then he

[24:01] attacks their car

[24:02] and then

Stuart Wellington

[24:03] He kills Paul Bettany

[24:04] if I were to guess.

[24:06] He kills Paul Bettany

[24:06] With the spike.

[24:07] Then

[24:07] He does it

Dan McCoy

[24:08] Die Hard 4 style

[24:11] by spiking himself

[24:13] and going through himself

[24:14] into the other guy.

[24:16] Come on,

[24:17] Die Hard 4, everyone.

[24:18] I never saw Die Hard 4.

[24:19] That's Live Free or Die Hard.

Elliott Kalan

[24:21] I'm holding out

[24:22] for Die Hard 24-7.

Stuart Wellington

[24:24] Sure.

[24:25] That sounds like a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[24:27] That was,

[24:27] they announced it somewhere.

Stuart Wellington

[24:29] Is there a crossover

[24:30] between Die Hard

[24:32] and the Trancers franchise

[24:33] with Jack Death?

[24:34] Yes, it is.

[24:35] Tim Thomerson?

Elliott Kalan

[24:36] I would love to see

[24:37] John McClane

[24:38] and Jack Death.

[24:39] If there's some way

[24:40] to get Dollman in there

[24:41] and they could fight

[24:43] the demonic...

[24:43] Tim Thomerson

Stuart Wellington

[24:43] playing two roles?

[24:44] Yeah, that'd be great.

Elliott Kalan

[24:46] Amazing.

[24:47] He would win an Oscar

[24:48] for that.

[24:49] For the dual role.

[24:50] The difficult part

Stuart Wellington

[24:57] with trying to decide

[24:57] which clip to use

[24:58] for the Oscars.

[25:00] One of the Jack Death clips

[25:01] or one of the Dollman clips?

Elliott Kalan

[25:02] You've got to use

[25:03] one of the clips

[25:03] where they're talking

[25:04] to each other

[25:05] because that's the real test

[25:06] of an actor.

[25:06] Like a doll, I'm sure.

[25:09] So, Gabriel's...

[25:10] The waitress

[25:12] who gave birth

[25:12] to the baby

[25:13] and her boyfriend...

[25:14] Well, the guy

[25:15] who wants to be her boyfriend.

[25:16] The guy who wants

[25:16] her boyfriend and the...

Stuart Wellington

[25:17] Lucas Black

[25:18] from Fast and the Furious

[25:20] Tokyo Drift.

Dan McCoy

[25:21] Yes, there's a lot

[25:22] of Fast and the Furious

[25:23] actors in there

[25:24] because Tyrese

[25:25] was in number two.

[25:26] Okay, that's

Stuart Wellington

[25:27] Too Fast, Too Furious

[25:28] if I recall.

[25:29] It is.

Dan McCoy

[25:30] For you.

Stuart Wellington

[25:32] I can't handle

[25:33] that much furiousness.

Elliott Kalan

[25:36] While Paul Bettany

[25:37] is being killed

[25:38] by the angel,

[25:38] those people drive off.

[25:41] Archangel Gabriel

[25:42] goes after them.

[25:43] They manage to

[25:44] knock...

[25:45] They manage to divert him

[25:46] by hitting him

[25:47] in the face

[25:47] with a flare

[25:48] from a flare gun

[25:48] which doesn't even

[25:49] explode.

[25:50] It just hits him

[25:50] in the nose.

[25:52] He makes their

[25:53] car flip over.

[25:54] Baby is fine.

[25:56] Sure.

[25:56] And then attacks them...

[25:57] He's immune to car flip overs.

[25:58] And then attacks them

[25:59] on a mountain.

[26:00] And Paul Bettany

[26:01] flies back down

[26:03] from heaven.

[26:04] Okay.

[26:05] Presumably.

[26:06] He's been regenerated.

[26:07] Well, the sky opens

[26:08] and light comes out

[26:09] and Paul Bettany

[26:10] alive with wings

[26:11] on his back again

[26:11] comes out.

[26:12] And apparently

[26:13] God has given him

[26:14] his job back

[26:14] because while Gabriel

[26:17] was following orders,

[26:18] Paul Bettany

[26:19] was doing what was right

[26:20] is basically

[26:21] what it boils down to.

[26:22] And everything's okay

[26:25] except that they have

[26:26] to raise this kid now

[26:28] to be the leader

[26:29] who I guess

[26:29] will redeem mankind.

[26:31] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[26:31] And so they have

[26:32] the Terminator ending.

Elliott Kalan

[26:34] Literally steal the ending

[26:35] from the Terminator

[26:36] where they are driving

[26:37] through the desert.

Stuart Wellington

[26:37] Except they didn't have

[26:38] like a Mexican guy

[26:39] take anybody's picture.

Elliott Kalan

[26:40] No, that's true.

[26:41] And the baby's already born.

[26:42] She's just pregnant

[26:43] with John Connor.

Dan McCoy

[26:43] Driving through the desert.

[26:45] There's a bunch of guns

[26:46] in the back seat.

[26:48] There's the voiceover

[26:50] about, you know,

[26:51] like,

[26:51] Why did something

[26:52] like this happen?

[26:54] And it's the exact same

Stuart Wellington

[26:56] voiceover

[26:57] from the very beginning

[26:58] of the movie.

[26:59] Yes.

[26:59] Because I don't know

[27:00] about you,

[27:00] but I normally forget

[27:03] what happens

[27:03] like five minutes

[27:04] before what I'm

[27:05] currently watching.

Elliott Kalan

[27:08] I could have used

Stuart Wellington

[27:08] more flashbacks,

[27:09] frankly.

Elliott Kalan

[27:10] Really?

[27:11] In Legion?

[27:12] Yeah.

[27:12] Do things earlier

[27:13] in the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[27:14] Yeah, like,

[27:14] you were talking

Elliott Kalan

[27:15] about a grandma.

[27:16] I totally forgot that.

[27:18] The voiceover

[27:19] that's at the beginning

[27:20] and end of the movie,

[27:21] it's very much like

[27:21] Days of Heaven

[27:22] in the way it uses

[27:23] voiceover

[27:24] to introduce the movie.

[27:25] Well, it's cyclical.

[27:25] And it's lyricalness.

[27:27] Yes, and it's

[27:27] lyrical visual quality.

[27:30] It's like a Moebius strip

[27:31] constantly.

[27:33] The French artist?

[27:35] Sure, yeah.

[27:36] Like an Azarac

[27:38] comic strip.

[27:39] The voiceover,

[27:40] she says that

[27:41] before her mother

[27:42] ran off,

[27:43] this waitress

[27:44] was told a story

[27:44] by her mother

[27:45] of a prophecy

[27:46] that God would bring

[27:48] darkness on the world

[27:49] again and

[27:50] something about it

[27:51] and kill all people

[27:52] or something about a baby.

[27:53] And when she asked

[27:54] her mother why,

[27:55] her mother would say,

[27:58] I guess God was just

[27:59] tired of the bullshit.

[28:01] And what I love is that

[28:03] where did the mom

[28:03] pick up this prophecy?

[28:05] It's incredibly accurate.

[28:06] Where did she get it from?

[28:08] There's a lot of talk about

[28:08] It's an old folk tale.

Stuart Wellington

[28:10] It's an old American folk legend.

[28:12] Prophecies in movies.

[28:13] I hate them.

[28:14] Yeah, okay.

[28:14] You were saying

[28:15] something about that.

[28:16] Why don't you like it?

Elliott Kalan

[28:17] There is nothing

[28:17] I like let...

[28:18] No, the thing I hate

[28:20] most in movies

[28:21] is any time

[28:22] where they have

[28:22] a council of elders.

[28:24] The thing I hate

[28:24] the second most

[28:25] is anything

[28:26] where they say,

[28:27] but the prophecy

[28:28] tales of one such as this

[28:30] or like

[28:30] according to the prophecy

[28:32] you are the one

[28:32] like

[28:33] I don't know why

[28:34] in a fantasy movie

[28:35] things can't just happen.

[28:36] They have to be following

[28:37] a prophecy of some kind.

[28:39] You know?

[28:40] Sure.

[28:40] Why?

[28:41] You've already got

[28:41] Paul Bettany coming down

[28:43] to tell them

[28:43] here's what's gonna happen.

[28:45] I know it

[28:46] because I'm an angel.

[28:47] Why does he have to say

[28:48] there's a prophecy

[28:49] that says

[28:50] this is gonna happen?

[28:51] He's there with God

[28:52] all the time.

[28:53] Like he can just know.

[28:54] He doesn't have to follow

[28:55] a prophet.

[28:56] You know?

Dan McCoy

[28:57] Yeah.

[28:57] It's just stupid.

[28:58] I'm up in heaven

[28:59] but I found this scroll

[29:00] someplace.

[29:01] Yeah.

[29:02] This magic scroll.

[29:03] It's also the

[29:03] It gives me

Stuart Wellington

[29:04] ten experience points

Elliott Kalan

[29:05] and information

[29:06] about the future.

[29:07] It's just a cheap

[29:09] plot device

[29:10] because things

[29:10] don't have to happen

[29:11] logically

[29:12] because you can just

[29:13] like

[29:13] why is this happening

[29:14] to us?

[29:15] The prophecy tells

[29:16] that there will be

[29:17] a time of great reckoning.

[29:19] Like

[29:19] you just say

[29:20] a prophecy foretold

[29:21] and it doesn't have

[29:22] to make sense.

Dan McCoy

[29:23] It immediately lowers

[29:24] the stakes of anything.

[29:26] I mean for instance

[29:27] if it's like a prophecy

[29:28] like about a chosen one

[29:29] suddenly it's not

[29:30] an interesting movie

[29:31] about a guy

[29:32] who has to make

[29:33] a choice to be a hero.

[29:34] It's about a guy

[29:35] who is destined

[29:36] to be a hero.

[29:37] And there's nothing

[29:37] more boring

[29:38] than like a guy

[29:39] who's just like

[29:39] well I guess it's me.

Stuart Wellington

[29:42] That's interesting.

[29:43] See the thing

[29:43] I like least in movies

[29:45] is when a character

[29:46] does something

[29:47] like maybe throw

[29:48] a basketball

[29:48] or like

[29:49] shoot an apple

[29:50] off of somebody's head

[29:51] and then it cuts

[29:53] to that character again

[29:54] and they pump

[29:56] their fists going

[29:57] yes!

[30:00] That's my least

[30:01] favorite thing

[30:01] in the movie.

[30:01] Really?

[30:02] That's your least

[30:02] favorite thing

[30:02] in movies?

[30:03] At that I throw

[30:04] my popcorn up

[30:05] in the air

[30:05] and storm out.

Elliott Kalan

[30:06] See it's interesting

[30:07] my favorite thing

[30:08] in movies is when

Stuart Wellington

[30:08] So I stormed out

[30:09] of Batman and Robin

[30:10] like five times.

Elliott Kalan

[30:12] You kept coming back.

[30:14] You stormed out.

Stuart Wellington

[30:15] That's the thing.

[30:16] I stormed out

[30:16] and my

[30:17] You stormed out

[30:17] of Basketball

[30:18] and Archery

[30:19] the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[30:20] I stormed out

[30:21] and my

[30:21] It's called

[30:22] Pumped Over

[30:23] Basketball

[30:23] and Archery

[30:24] Skills

[30:24] the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[30:25] So I was leaving

[30:25] the movie theater

[30:26] and my mom

[30:27] came chasing

[30:27] after me

[30:28] and my mom's like

[30:29] Stuart

[30:29] Stuart you paid

[30:31] money to see

[30:31] this movie.

[30:32] Batman is gonna

[30:33] fight Mr. Freeze

[30:34] or something.

[30:35] You should totally

[30:35] check it out.

[30:36] It's gonna be

[30:36] nice to see you.

[30:37] Yeah and I went

[30:38] back.

[30:38] Everyone's gonna have

[30:39] to chill.

[30:40] Yeah and I went

[30:40] back and saw it

[30:41] and I kept

[30:42] leaving.

[30:42] You said when I

Elliott Kalan

[30:43] bought that ticket

[30:44] I signed a

[30:45] contract with

[30:46] this film

[30:46] that they would

[30:46] not do one

[30:47] thing.

[30:48] They broke

[30:48] that contract.

[30:49] They did.

[30:50] I was gonna say

[30:50] I tried to take

Stuart Wellington

[30:51] him to kids court

[30:52] actually.

[30:54] Kids court is

[30:55] not a real

[30:56] Yeah it's on

[30:56] Nickelodeon.

Elliott Kalan

[30:57] Not a real court.

[30:59] I thought I could

[31:00] get some money

[31:02] out of him.

[31:02] I thought it was

[31:02] more like

[31:02] you broke my

[31:03] toy.

[31:04] That kind of

[31:04] case.

Stuart Wellington

[31:05] No it was

[31:06] a case where

[31:07] you let down

[31:07] my hopes and

[31:08] expectations of

[31:09] Robin.

[31:09] You know

Dan McCoy

[31:10] the toy

[31:10] he's gotta go

[31:12] after the big

[31:12] Hollywood studios.

[31:13] That's where

[31:13] the money is.

[31:14] Oh I see.

[31:15] That's where

[31:15] kids court is

[31:16] gonna award the

[31:17] big damages.

Dan McCoy

[31:17] I wish that show

Elliott Kalan

[31:18] had been much

[31:18] more real and

[31:19] it was like

[31:20] it was a murder

[31:21] case but he was

[31:22] under 18 so they

[31:23] had to send it

[31:23] to kids court

[31:24] and Nickelodeon

[31:25] sentenced him to

[31:26] like clean up

[31:27] his room.

[31:28] You know?

[31:30] You know?

[31:31] Judge Linda

[31:32] Ellerby sentenced

[31:32] him to

[31:33] sentence

[31:33] Macaulay Culkin's

[31:35] character from

[31:35] The Good Son

[31:36] to community

[31:38] service helping

[31:39] his mom set

[31:40] the table.

[31:40] Sure.

[31:41] I was gonna

[31:41] say I didn't

[31:42] want to be so

[31:42] negative so I

[31:43] was gonna say

[31:43] one of my

[31:44] favorite things

[31:44] in movies is

[31:45] when the

[31:46] villain always

[31:48] has a sidekick

[31:48] in a movie and

[31:49] at the end of

[31:50] the movie the

[31:50] hero beats the

[31:51] villain in like

[31:51] a snowboard race

[31:52] or something and

[31:53] the friend of the

[31:54] villain goes up

[31:55] to comfort him and

[31:55] the villain pushes

[31:56] his friend away.

[31:58] I love that and it

[31:59] happens in so many

[31:59] movies from the

[32:00] 80s.

[32:01] Like when I was

[32:02] growing up it was

[32:02] like don't even

[32:03] try to console him

[32:04] he's too mad he's

[32:05] just gonna push you

[32:06] away.

[32:06] That is great.

Dan McCoy

[32:07] What's really great

[32:09] about it is it's

[32:10] never like a normal

[32:11] like just shove

[32:11] away.

[32:12] It's like they're

[32:13] pushing him to the

[32:14] ground.

[32:14] Yes.

[32:14] And then folding

[32:15] their arms in

[32:17] defiance.

[32:19] They refuse human

Stuart Wellington

[32:20] warmth.

[32:20] The thing I like the

[32:21] most in a movie is

[32:22] when you have a

[32:23] hero who is clearly

[32:25] conflicted, covered

[32:27] in tattoos, okay?

[32:29] He has access to a

[32:30] lot of machine guns

[32:31] and a trench coat of

[32:31] some kind.

Dan McCoy

[32:33] A trench coat of

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] some kind.

[32:34] Yeah, some kind.

[32:35] Possibly sleeveless.

[32:36] Possibly.

[32:37] It's not required.

[32:39] And all the villains

[32:40] are gonna be like

[32:41] magic or supernatural

[32:42] or something but

[32:43] they're gonna first

[32:44] appear like something

[32:45] very innocuous,

[32:46] something very

[32:46] innocent.

[32:47] In the case of

[32:48] Legion they managed

[32:48] to accomplish this

[32:49] by having a

[32:50] foul-mouthed

[32:51] granny and then

[32:52] later on a dude

[32:53] in an ice cream

[32:54] truck.

[32:54] Who would have

[32:55] ever thought that

[32:57] an ice cream

[32:57] salesman could be

[32:58] a demon?

Elliott Kalan

[32:59] What I like also

[33:00] is the ice cream

[33:00] salesman he starts

[33:02] yelling at them

[33:02] and his mouth

[33:03] elongates and his

[33:04] arms and legs

[33:04] elongate and then

[33:05] he starts loping

[33:06] towards them and

[33:07] they just shoot him

[33:07] instantly.

[33:08] Yeah, it makes him

[33:08] a bigger target.

[33:09] It makes him a bigger

[33:10] target.

[33:10] It's way harder for him

[33:11] to run towards them

[33:12] when his arms and

[33:13] legs are like that.

[33:14] Ungainly.

Dan McCoy

[33:15] Played by nerd

[33:15] favorite beloved

[33:16] physical actor Doug

[33:18] Jones who was

[33:19] Abe Sapien in the

[33:20] Hellboy films and

[33:22] did a lot of other...

[33:22] That makes him a

[33:23] nerd favorite.

[33:23] No, he's just...

[33:24] I thought like a

Stuart Wellington

[33:25] nerd favorite would

[33:26] have been a girl

[33:26] in a chainmail bikini.

Dan McCoy

[33:27] Yeah, I don't even

[33:28] think the Hellboy

[33:28] movies are nerd favorites.

[33:29] Like Rona Mitra

[33:30] from Doomsday.

[33:32] He's known for...

Dan McCoy

[33:32] He's known...

[33:32] I can't think of

[33:33] the other things

[33:34] but he's known for

[33:35] like playing these

[33:36] very like...

[33:36] The Nickelodeon

[33:37] cartoon Doug.

Stuart Wellington

[33:38] No, he was...

Dan McCoy

[33:39] Oh, he was in Doug?

Stuart Wellington

[33:40] Yeah, he played Doug.

Dan McCoy

[33:41] Was he the blue guy

[33:42] or the yellow guy?

[33:44] No, he's the pink guy.

[33:44] He played the fawn

[33:45] in Pan's Labyrinth

[33:47] and the guy with

[33:48] like eyeballs in his

[33:49] hands.

[33:49] He's like known for

[33:50] being a very physical

[33:51] performer who can do

[33:52] like good costume work.

[33:53] Yeah.

[33:53] And he is given

[33:55] almost nothing to do

[33:56] here and shot.

[33:58] Almost instantly.

Elliott Kalan

[33:59] Well, but there's

[34:00] so many characters

[34:01] where they overplay

[34:02] the you wouldn't expect

[34:04] to see one of the

[34:04] uses of Monster

[34:05] because there's like

[34:06] the old lady

[34:07] ice cream salesman

[34:08] little girl in a dress

[34:09] with a balloon

[34:09] little boy with a

[34:11] bowl haircut

[34:11] guy with a birthday

[34:13] party hat on

[34:14] like van loda punks.

[34:17] I'm surprised they

[34:17] didn't have any

Stuart Wellington

[34:18] priests or like

[34:20] a soccer mom

[34:21] or like a

[34:22] or a soccer ball

[34:23] or like

[34:24] that would have

[34:25] been crazy.

[34:26] You'd never think

[34:26] a soccer ball

[34:27] was a demon.

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] No, how would

[34:29] it even attack you?

[34:30] It'd take you

[34:30] completely off guard.

[34:32] Someone would have

[34:32] to kick it at you.

[34:33] I really like the

[34:34] part of the movie.

[34:34] Like a mom or

[34:34] someone in a wheelchair

[34:35] who gets up and

[34:36] runs after them.

[34:37] That would have

[34:37] been a good one.

[34:37] A clown, you know.

[34:39] I like the Japanese

[34:40] tourist idea.

[34:41] That's a good one.

[34:42] Or like an Eskimo.

[34:45] Frenchman with a

Stuart Wellington

[34:45] baguette.

[34:47] An astronaut.

[34:48] Irish cop.

[34:49] What's all this

[34:50] then?

Elliott Kalan

[34:51] I think my favorite

[34:52] would be nothing

[34:53] to see here.

[34:54] What's all this

[34:54] then as an English

[34:55] cop?

[34:56] My favorite part.

[34:56] Overlong now.

Stuart Wellington

[34:58] I also really like

[34:59] the movie when the

[35:00] demons set up like

[35:03] an ambush for our

[35:04] favorite characters

[35:05] by taking...

[35:06] Our favorite

Stuart Wellington

[35:06] characters?

[35:06] Which ones are

[35:07] those?

[35:07] You know, Charles

[35:09] S. Dutton,

[35:09] TV's Rock.

[35:10] And the ambush

[35:12] involves tying up a

[35:13] character that they

[35:14] captured earlier on an

[35:16] upside down cross.

[35:17] They crucify him

[35:18] upside down.

[35:18] I don't know if you

[35:18] noticed the significance

[35:19] there, Dan.

[35:20] Because they turn the

[35:21] cross, which is an

[35:22] image of, you know,

[35:24] Christ.

[35:24] You can explain it to me

[35:25] after the podcast.

[35:25] They flip it up.

[35:26] Okay, I'll explain it

[35:27] later.

[35:27] They turn him upside

[35:28] down and then he's like

[35:29] all covered in boils.

Elliott Kalan

[35:31] These huge pulsating

[35:32] boils that, as I

[35:33] described at the time,

[35:33] were of Tim and Eric

[35:35] awesome show, great job

[35:36] level of special effects.

[35:37] Yes.

[35:37] They looked like

[35:38] they had been

[35:38] photoshopped on, you

[35:39] know.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] And so his wife is

[35:41] like, oh my god, he's

[35:42] alive.

[35:42] We should save him.

[35:43] She runs out there.

[35:44] Of course, as soon as

[35:45] she gets out there, the

[35:46] guy explodes in like

[35:47] acidic pus and melts

[35:49] Charles S. Dutton down

[35:50] to the spine.

Elliott Kalan

[35:51] Literally burns his

[35:52] back away so that you

[35:53] can see the spine and

[35:54] the back of his ribs

[35:54] through it.

Stuart Wellington

[35:55] Which was pretty

[35:56] gross.

[35:57] And of course, Dennis

[35:58] Quaid is like, I can't

[35:59] believe I fell asleep when

[36:00] I was on guard duty.

[36:01] If I'd been awake, they

[36:02] might not have been able

[36:03] to set up this awesome

[36:04] trap.

Dan McCoy

[36:05] I mean, as dumb as

[36:06] that was, though, I

[36:07] can't help but wish

[36:08] there was more of that

[36:08] in the movie because,

[36:09] as I said,

[36:10] More craziness?

[36:11] Yeah, as I said

[36:11] while we were

[36:12] watching it, why are

[36:13] you going to make a

[36:13] movie about angels

[36:15] attacking humanity and

[36:17] then just have a bunch

[36:18] of shooting happen?

[36:20] A bunch of shooting

Stuart Wellington

[36:20] and a bunch of, like,

[36:21] crappy zombies.

[36:23] Like, it's like, why

[36:24] are you going to make

[36:24] a vampire movie and

[36:25] then make From

[36:26] Dusk Till Dawn where

[36:27] all the vampires are

[36:28] basically zombies?

Elliott Kalan

[36:30] Or the Underworld

[36:31] movies where it's

[36:32] vampires or the

[36:32] werewolves if they

[36:33] shoot each other.

[36:34] Sure.

[36:35] Why is a werewolf going

[36:36] to shoot a gun?

[36:36] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[36:37] It's supernatural

[36:38] creatures.

[36:39] Have something crazy

[36:40] and cool happen.

Elliott Kalan

[36:41] Or, like, do a

[36:41] movie like Monster

[36:42] Squad and not have a

[36:43] scene at the end where

[36:44] all four monsters do

[36:45] a rap.

[36:47] Wait, that happened?

[36:48] No, it didn't happen.

[36:49] Oh, that would

[36:50] have been awesome.

[36:50] That would be

[36:50] disappointing.

[36:52] Like, the movie is

[36:52] over.

[36:52] I mean, there was a

Dan McCoy

[36:53] rap at the end of

[36:54] Monster Squad.

[36:55] The monsters didn't

[36:55] do it.

[36:56] Yeah, well, thanks.

Elliott Kalan

[36:57] I want to see the

[36:58] monsters do it.

[36:59] No, but it definitely

[37:00] feels like...

[37:01] Can the mummy rap

[37:02] in that movie?

[37:02] I mean...

[37:03] Mummy is wrapped.

Stuart Wellington

[37:04] No!

[37:05] Zing!

[37:06] Man, that's why I

[37:08] do this podcast.

[37:09] You want to do a

[37:09] rap when he was all

Dan McCoy

[37:10] tied up at the

[37:11] moment.

[37:11] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[37:12] Whoa!

[37:14] But, yeah, it is

[37:15] very disappointing

[37:16] that you have...

[37:16] You are literally...

[37:18] What we are led to

[37:18] believe are this

[37:20] legion of angels

[37:21] literally represents

[37:23] the wrath of God,

[37:24] the most powerful

[37:26] thing in the universe.

[37:28] This is your power

[37:29] on an unimaginable

[37:30] scale.

[37:30] There's nothing they

[37:31] can't do.

[37:32] And yet the way they

[37:33] choose to fight is by

[37:34] walking around and

[37:35] getting shot at with

[37:36] guns.

[37:36] It's ridiculously

[37:38] unambitious.

Dan McCoy

[37:39] This brings up the

[37:40] one thing that I

[37:41] really wanted to talk

[37:42] about, which is the

[37:42] theological vision of

[37:44] this movie, which is

[37:45] it's firmly in this

[37:48] Judeo-Christian

[37:49] infallible God

[37:50] tradition, except for

[37:51] this God is

[37:53] apparently fallible

[37:53] because he's decided

[37:54] to kill all of

[37:55] humanity, and it's

[37:56] up to his one good

[37:57] angel to change his

[37:59] mind by having faith

[38:00] in humans.

[38:01] And as you pointed

Elliott Kalan

[38:02] out, God already

[38:03] promised once,

[38:04] according to the

[38:05] Torah, that he

Dan McCoy

[38:06] wouldn't do this

[38:07] again.

[38:07] Like the flood

[38:08] story, he's like,

[38:09] at the end of that

[38:09] it's like, okay,

[38:10] well that was it.

[38:11] We cleaned house.

[38:13] I told him so I

Elliott Kalan

[38:13] won't do this again.

[38:15] Every time you look

[38:15] at a rainbow, you'll

[38:17] remember that.

Dan McCoy

[38:17] Yada, yada, yada.

[38:19] Just as long as you

Elliott Kalan

[38:19] don't use the rainbow

[38:20] as a symbol for gay

[38:21] marriage.

[38:22] Oh no, they did it!

Dan McCoy

[38:24] And then at the

[38:24] end of the movie,

[38:25] you know, to compound

[38:26] that, you know,

[38:28] they're going off with

[38:28] a bunch of guns to,

[38:30] you know, safeguard

[38:32] against the

[38:33] idea that God

[38:35] might change his

[38:36] mind again.

Elliott Kalan

[38:37] Well, this is the

[38:37] kind of cool,

[38:39] like 21st century

[38:40] theology that is

[38:41] like, okay, it's

[38:42] Christianity, but with

[38:43] a lot of the matrix

[38:44] thrown in.

[38:45] So there's a lot of

[38:46] guns and coolness and

[38:48] vague talk and things

[38:49] like that, you know.

[38:50] Yeah.

[38:52] Trenchcoats and

[38:53] tattoos.

[38:53] Trenchcoats and

[38:54] tattoos.

[38:54] But yeah, the movie

[38:55] is on very thin

[38:57] theological ice in

[38:59] that, but it's also

[38:59] one of those things

[39:00] where it's like,

[39:01] God wants to destroy

[39:03] humanity, so he's

[39:04] sending angels, but

[39:05] your son will be the

[39:06] new messiah.

[39:07] Are we talking about

[39:08] the trinity here?

[39:09] Yeah, like, is this

[39:10] messiah related to

[39:11] God in some way?

[39:11] Is Jesus part of the

[39:12] Godhead?

[39:13] Like, what is the,

[39:14] you know, is, because

[39:15] this kind of happened

[39:16] once.

[39:16] Makers of the movie,

[39:17] I don't know if you

[39:18] realize, but according

[39:19] to the largest religion

[39:20] in the world, this

[39:21] happened, something

[39:22] like this happened

[39:23] before where a

[39:24] messiah was born.

Dan McCoy

[39:24] Except for in this

[39:25] version, apparently

[39:26] God wants to kill

[39:27] his own messiah.

[39:29] Yeah.

[39:29] For reasons

Elliott Kalan

[39:30] unexplained.

[39:31] And I cannot, I do

[39:33] not remember any

[39:34] point where they

[39:34] explained why this

[39:35] kid was important,

[39:37] how his birth would

[39:38] change anything.

[39:39] Well, he's immune to

[39:40] car crashes, really.

[39:41] That's true.

[39:41] And also one of those

[39:42] things where it's like,

[39:43] God doesn't want this

[39:44] baby born.

[39:45] Now, he could use

[39:46] one trillionth of

[39:48] one percent of one

[39:50] percent of his

[39:50] omnipotent power and

[39:53] cause a miscarriage.

[39:54] Yeah.

[39:55] Or just, you know, she

[39:57] wakes up and she

[39:58] isn't pregnant and was

[39:59] never pregnant.

Dan McCoy

[40:00] But instead, he

[40:00] decides to have an

[40:02] abortion.

[40:02] She's ambivalent about

[40:03] this kid anyway.

[40:04] She already wants to

Elliott Kalan

[40:05] have an abortion when

[40:06] the movie starts.

[40:07] So all he has to do

[40:07] is let things take

[40:08] their natural course.

[40:08] I think she wants to

[40:08] have an adoption.

Stuart Wellington

[40:09] Oh, an adoption.

[40:10] I mean, though she

[40:11] is smoking while she's

[40:12] pregnant, which is

[40:13] basically the same

[40:14] thing.

Elliott Kalan

[40:14] That's a no-no.

[40:15] But I started to

[40:17] believe by the end of

[40:18] it that God really

[40:19] wanted to cull the

[40:20] ranks of his stupider

[40:21] angels.

[40:22] So he gave them this

[40:23] bullshit mission to go

[40:24] stop these kids and

[40:26] told Paul Benny,

[40:27] like, listen, can you

[40:28] just kill them?

[40:29] I mean, we're probably

Stuart Wellington

[40:30] going to get all the

[40:31] answers in Legion 2.

[40:32] Yeah.

[40:32] I mean, that's the

[40:33] thing, right, guys?

[40:34] Like with these big

[40:35] action franchises.

[40:36] Legion 2, Gabriel's

[40:37] Revenge.

[40:38] The first one's to try

[40:39] and get us all pumped

[40:39] and then the second

[40:40] one's going to try and

[40:41] raise some more

[40:42] answers, raise some

[40:44] more questions, I

[40:45] mean.

[40:45] And answer a few

[40:46] of those, but mainly

[40:47] set them all up for

[40:47] Legion 3.

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] Sounds like, you're

[40:49] going to answer some

[40:49] questions and ask a

[40:50] whole lot more.

[40:51] Hell yeah.

Dan McCoy

[40:52] Well, we've got some

[40:52] stuff to get through,

[40:53] so let's skip to our

[40:56] final judgments on

[40:57] this movie.

[40:57] Final judgments.

[40:58] Is this a good bad

[40:59] movie, a bad bad

[41:00] movie, or a movie that

[41:01] you actually sort of

[41:03] liked in some way?

[41:04] Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[41:06] I'm going to say, I'm

[41:07] going to go with a

[41:08] bad bad movie, mainly

[41:10] because I was hoping

[41:12] it was going, like, for

[41:14] a big action movie,

[41:15] the end sequence was

[41:16] so dark and ill-conceived.

[41:21] Yeah, it just wasn't

[41:22] any fun, and it was

[41:23] super slow for a movie

[41:25] that should have had

[41:26] more explosions and

[41:28] scares.

Dan McCoy

[41:29] Yeah, I'm going to say

[41:30] bad bad, too, because

[41:30] as stupid as it was, and

[41:33] how dumb the theology

[41:35] was, and how dumb the

[41:37] conception of it was,

[41:39] there was just a bunch

[41:39] of nothing in the middle

[41:41] where we learned about

[41:42] all the characters'

[41:43] backstories, but none of

[41:44] the characters'

[41:45] backstories meant

[41:45] anything.

Elliott Kalan

[41:46] I was going to say

[41:48] good bad movie because

[41:49] for as stupid and poorly

[41:50] made as it is, it was,

[41:52] like, silly, but then you

[41:54] reminded me of all those

[41:55] scenes of characters

[41:55] talking about their

[41:56] backstories that are

[41:57] really dull, so I'm going

[41:58] to say bad bad movie.

[41:59] Those were boring.

[42:00] And what I love is also,

[42:02] like, in our normal

[42:03] lives, I'm sure all three

[42:04] of us would love to watch

[42:05] a well-made movie about

[42:07] characters we care about,

[42:09] you know, who have real

[42:10] problems and they have to

[42:11] overcome them, but when

[42:12] you're watching a movie

[42:12] like this, it really gets

[42:13] in the way.

Dan McCoy

[42:15] All right, so now I'm

[42:16] going to read a little

[42:16] Lister Mail.

[42:17] We've got some good

[42:18] letters this time.

[42:19] Letters.

Elliott Kalan

[42:19] We got letters.

Dan McCoy

[42:22] Letters.

[42:24] Do it one more time.

[42:27] Letters.

[42:28] God damn it.

[42:29] This one's from Alex

[42:31] Last Unheld.

[42:33] He has three questions.

[42:36] Okay.

[42:37] One, is it possible to

[42:38] modify Dan's hook so he

[42:40] actually has to speak the

[42:41] words mournful sigh in a

[42:42] mournful way?

[42:43] I feel like we'd get more

[42:44] bang for a buck that way.

[42:46] Oh, maybe.

[42:46] How do you feel about

[42:47] that?

[42:47] I'd have to think about it.

[42:49] Do you want to try it

[42:49] out real quick?

[42:52] Mournful sigh.

Elliott Kalan

[42:55] I think maybe every now

[42:55] and then just pepper it

[42:56] in.

Dan McCoy

[42:57] All right.

[42:57] I might just toss it

[42:58] in a little bit.

[42:59] That's not a bad idea.

[43:02] I'm going to switch the

[43:03] order of two and three

[43:04] because I like two better.

Elliott Kalan

[43:05] Well, we never would have

[43:06] known.

[43:07] It's a little behind the

[43:08] scenes.

[43:09] No one cares about it.

[43:10] This is the part that my

[43:11] brain said and my mouth

[43:12] said it too, but it

[43:13] didn't need to.

Dan McCoy

[43:16] Number two, would you

[43:17] agree that 2010 will be

[43:18] the floppiest summer

[43:19] blockbuster year ever?

Elliott Kalan

[43:21] Well, we kicked off the

[43:22] summer with Marmaduke.

[43:24] We already had the

[43:24] Squeakquel.

[43:26] Smurfs...

[43:26] I thought that was 2009.

Dan McCoy

[43:28] Squeakquel came out in

[43:29] December.

Elliott Kalan

[43:30] Was that long ago?

[43:31] Yeah.

[43:31] I guess it seems so fresh.

[43:33] The A-Team came out.

Stuart Wellington

[43:34] The A-Team came out.

[43:35] That looks like crap.

[43:36] And it hasn't done

[43:37] critically very well.

Dan McCoy

[43:38] Well, no, it hasn't done

[43:39] financially very well.

[43:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:41] It was beat by Karate Kid,

[43:43] which also looks

[43:44] terrible.

[43:45] Terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[43:45] And strange because I

[43:47] don't think there's any

[43:47] karate in it.

Elliott Kalan

[43:49] Well, there must be at

[43:49] some point.

[43:50] It's called Karate Kid.

[43:50] No, but it's...

Stuart Wellington

[43:50] I mean, he's in China.

[43:52] I don't think they...

[43:53] There have been several

[43:54] reviews pointing out that

Elliott Kalan

[43:55] it's a kung fu...

[43:56] Technically, they don't

[43:57] have karate in China.

Stuart Wellington

[43:58] Well, that's the thing.

[43:59] And it's Jackie Chan.

[44:00] I mean, he's known for

[44:00] not...

[44:02] He's known for not doing

[44:03] karate.

[44:03] He's known for his

Elliott Kalan

[44:04] hatred of karate.

[44:06] They probably should have

[44:06] called it the Kung Fu Kid,

[44:08] which, frankly, is a

[44:09] better title.

[44:10] Yeah.

[44:11] Yeah, but what else is

Stuart Wellington

[44:12] coming out this summer?

[44:13] And then they wouldn't

[44:13] have to pay the makers

[44:14] of Karate Kid any money.

[44:16] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:16] Well, the film that I'm

[44:17] looking forward to the

[44:18] most is, of course,

[44:19] Piranha 3D.

Elliott Kalan

[44:20] Piranha 3D, that's right.

Dan McCoy

[44:22] Sure, which I will

[44:23] legitimately enjoy.

Elliott Kalan

[44:24] Prince of Persia

[44:25] already came out.

[44:25] That was a flop.

[44:26] That was a huge flop.

[44:28] I'm having trouble

[44:29] remembering what...

[44:30] Oh, Jonah Hex is

[44:31] coming out.

[44:32] That looks terrible.

[44:33] That looks awful.

[44:35] Sex and the City 2.

[44:36] That came out.

[44:37] This may be the

[44:37] floppiest summer ever.

Stuart Wellington

[44:38] Yeah, there's been

[44:39] some pretty terrible

[44:40] looking movies.

Elliott Kalan

[44:41] Yeah, and last year

[44:42] was bad and this year

[44:43] is worse.

[44:43] I'm very excited about it.

Stuart Wellington

[44:44] I mean, I'm vaguely

[44:45] excited about Inception.

Elliott Kalan

[44:47] Yeah, that could be

Stuart Wellington

[44:48] a movie about dream crime

Elliott Kalan

[44:50] someday.

[44:51] At this point,

[44:51] I'll give Christopher Nolan

[44:52] the benefit of the doubt

[44:53] ahead of time.

[44:54] And I mean,

[44:55] the same thing

Dan McCoy

[44:55] with Scott Pilgrim.

[44:57] Scott Pilgrim,

[44:57] Toy Story 3

[44:58] should be good.

[44:59] Toy Story 3.

Elliott Kalan

[44:59] So there are three

[45:00] good movies.

[45:01] Three possibly good

[45:02] movies coming out

[45:02] in the summer.

[45:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:03] All right.

[45:04] Toy Story 3 I'm

Elliott Kalan

[45:05] excited about.

[45:06] Did that come out

[45:07] already?

Dan McCoy

[45:07] It comes out on

[45:09] Twilight Eclipse

[45:10] comes out as well,

[45:10] guys.

[45:11] Oh, there you go.

[45:12] That thing I'll

[45:12] probably go see

[45:13] is Toy Story 3.

Elliott Kalan

[45:15] Maybe.

Dan McCoy

[45:16] Lastly, he asks,

[45:17] has Elliot seen

[45:18] the newly restored

[45:19] version of the

[45:20] 1927 classic

[45:22] silent film

[45:22] Metropolis

[45:23] with 25 minutes

[45:24] of never-before-seen

[45:25] footage found

[45:25] in a vault

[45:26] in Buenos Aires?

[45:27] Is it wrong

[45:28] to keep editing

[45:28] classics?

[45:29] And if not,

[45:30] when are we

[45:30] finally getting

[45:31] a CGI enhanced

[45:32] re-release

[45:32] of the magnificent

[45:33] Ambersons?

Elliott Kalan

[45:34] I would say,

[45:34] I haven't seen it yet.

[45:35] Unfortunately,

[45:35] I missed it

[45:36] because there have

[45:38] been some,

[45:38] I won't get into it,

[45:41] but there's been

[45:41] some family hell

[45:42] things that have

[45:42] been going on.

[45:43] But I didn't get

[45:45] to see it.

[45:45] But here's the thing.

[45:46] I saw,

[45:47] like 10 years ago,

[45:48] when they released,

[45:49] when Film Forum

[45:49] had then the most

[45:51] recent up-to-date

[45:52] Metropolis.

[45:53] The problem with

[45:53] saying,

[45:54] should we keep

[45:55] editing movies,

[45:55] is that this is

[45:57] footage that was

[45:58] in the original cut.

[45:58] Yeah, it's not like

[45:59] I did a new version.

[46:01] Yeah.

[46:01] And the other thing

[46:02] is that the,

[46:04] but wait.

Dan McCoy

[46:04] So wait,

[46:05] there's no,

[46:05] like,

[46:05] Jabba the Hutton?

Elliott Kalan

[46:06] No.

[46:07] George didn't go in

[46:08] and put an extra

[46:09] music scene in.

[46:10] We're on first name

[46:10] basis now.

[46:11] That's cool.

[46:12] Jabba doesn't call,

Dan McCoy

[46:14] Take one trip

[46:15] to Skywalker Ranch.

Elliott Kalan

[46:16] He doesn't call

[46:17] Rotwang the Mad Scientist

[46:18] my boogie,

[46:19] you know.

[46:20] But I guess the thing is,

[46:22] What's a boogie?

[46:23] It means boy.

[46:24] Oh, really?

[46:25] Yeah.

[46:25] Just like Bantha

[46:26] Poodoo means

[46:27] Bantha fodder

[46:28] and the

[46:29] Hutties for

[46:30] Jedi Mind Tricks

[46:31] is Jedi Mind Tricks.

Dan McCoy

[46:34] But I think...

[46:35] It's like French,

[46:36] you know,

[46:36] the blue jeans,

[46:37] you know.

Elliott Kalan

[46:38] Yes.

[46:39] It's a cognate.

[46:40] Yeah.

[46:40] It's a,

[46:41] it's a,

[46:41] it's a imported word.

[46:42] Exactly.

[46:43] Yeah.

[46:43] But the,

[46:43] the,

[46:44] the thing about,

[46:45] like,

[46:45] if they found the

[46:46] lost footage

[46:47] from Magnificent Ambersons,

[46:49] they,

[46:49] I think,

[46:50] would be well within

[46:50] their power

[46:51] to,

[46:51] to put it back in.

[46:53] I mean,

[46:53] the ending is lost

[46:54] forever,

[46:54] probably,

[46:55] and most of the other

[46:55] scenes.

[46:56] But if they found it,

[46:57] go right ahead.

[46:58] With Metropolis,

[46:58] it's not a matter of,

[46:59] it's not like the

[47:00] Marauder cut,

[47:01] where they literally

[47:02] re-edited the movie,

[47:03] added a different

[47:03] soundtrack,

[47:04] colorized it.

[47:05] This is more in keeping

[47:06] with what German audiences

[47:08] saw at the film's premiere,

[47:10] because then it was cut down

[47:10] for American release,

[47:12] and international release.

[47:13] It wasn't that it was a,

[47:15] you know,

[47:15] that Lang had his cut

[47:16] in the studio,

[47:18] wanted it different,

[47:18] and blah, blah, blah.

[47:20] Anyway,

[47:20] but that's,

[47:21] but I haven't seen it yet.

Dan McCoy

[47:23] All right.

[47:23] Well,

[47:24] since Stuart's eyes

[47:25] are glazing over,

[47:25] we'll move on.

[47:26] Like,

[47:26] what are we fucking

[47:26] talking about?

[47:27] Are there demons in that?

[47:27] We'll talk about this

[47:28] later, I guess.

[47:29] You'll like this one

[47:30] better, Stuart.

[47:31] Oh, wait,

[47:31] but I will say,

Elliott Kalan

[47:32] if you missed Metropolis,

[47:33] come see another

[47:34] Fritz Lang movie,

[47:35] Human Desire,

[47:36] July 7th at 92i Tribeca.

[47:38] I'll be showing it.

Dan McCoy

[47:39] Stuart,

[47:40] you'll like this one,

[47:40] because the title

[47:41] of the email is

[47:42] Even Better Than

[47:43] Wild Things 4.

[47:45] This is from Joshua,

[47:47] last name withheld.

[47:48] He says,

[47:49] Hey guys,

[47:49] the other day,

[47:50] I listened to your podcast

[47:52] for the first time

[47:52] and spent the better

[47:53] part of the week

[47:54] listening to every episode,

[47:56] because A,

[47:56] I have no social life,

[47:58] and B,

[47:59] I absolutely love

[47:59] your commentary.

[48:00] That's like 50 hours.

[48:03] Anyone who references

[48:04] Big Sausage Pizza,

[48:05] Cruel Intentions 2,

[48:07] and the Emanuel

[48:07] in Space series,

[48:09] while recommending

[48:09] Terror Vision for viewing,

[48:11] my favorite movie

[48:12] of all time,

[48:12] is a titan in my book.

[48:14] I have so many questions

[48:15] to ask that I will limit

[48:16] myself to just two.

[48:18] Number one,

[48:18] what other resources

[48:19] for bad movies

[48:20] do your gentlemen pursue?

[48:22] Any websites or other podcasts

[48:23] you can recommend

[48:24] for the bad movie lover?

[48:25] And two,

[48:26] could you perhaps spend

[48:27] just a few minutes

[48:28] talking about my favorite

[48:29] type of bad movie,

[48:30] The Gremlins Ripoff?

[48:32] I'm thinking Ghoulies,

[48:33] Munchies.

[48:35] Munchies, sure,

[48:35] absolutely.

[48:37] So, yeah,

[48:39] those are some good...

Elliott Kalan

[48:40] I'd recommend

[48:42] the I Love Bad Movies zine

[48:44] from friend of the flop house,

[48:46] Xenia Yaroche.

[48:47] Hell yeah.

Dan McCoy

[48:48] For other bad movies.

[48:49] Yeah, Elliot and I

[48:50] have both contributed articles

[48:51] to that zine.

[48:53] I love bad movies.

[48:55] I'll repeat it again.

[48:56] You can Google that.

[48:58] You can find it on Etsy,

[48:59] I believe.

[48:59] Yeah, I think so.

[49:02] You know,

[49:03] Mystery Science Theater

[49:04] is obviously the classic.

[49:05] It's still...

[49:06] Yeah, good way to see them.

[49:08] You can get it watched

[49:09] instantly on Netflix

[49:10] these days.

Stuart Wellington

[49:11] Yeah,

[49:12] and it's conceptually

[49:13] better than what we do.

[49:15] Yeah, because you can

Dan McCoy

[49:16] actually watch the movie

[49:17] while listening to commentary

[49:19] rather than having to

[49:20] imagine the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[49:21] I think we've done

[49:23] these people a service

[49:24] by keeping them

[49:24] from seeing Legion.

[49:25] I guess that's true,

Dan McCoy

[49:26] but I imagine, like,

[49:27] hearing a synopsis,

[49:28] even when it's one of your,

[49:29] like, very cogent synopsis,

[49:31] like, with all our interruptions,

[49:33] it's like having a five-year-old

[49:34] tell you the story

[49:35] of the movie

[49:36] they saw last night.

[49:37] Weird.

Stuart Wellington

[49:38] He gives with one hand

[49:38] and takes away

[49:39] with the other right there.

[49:40] Oh, just like God.

[49:41] A back-ended compliment.

Elliott Kalan

[49:43] Okay.

[49:44] That's what they call it.

[49:45] But the,

[49:47] yeah, I mean,

[49:47] just look around,

[49:48] there's so many bad movies,

[49:49] you know,

[49:49] just look around you.

[49:50] It's a whole world

[49:52] to discover

[49:52] and explore.

[49:54] And your local library.

[49:56] Wait,

[49:57] you can see movies?

[49:58] Oh, yeah, you can, right?

[49:59] Most libraries do have movies.

[50:01] It's not,

[50:02] John,

[50:02] Dan's not talking about a,

Stuart Wellington

[50:04] You're not talking about,

[50:05] like, movies in book form, right?

[50:06] No, no,

[50:06] it's not like some future,

[50:07] some future library.

Elliott Kalan

[50:10] I went to the library

[50:12] because I said they had movies there.

[50:13] You had to read all the movies.

Stuart Wellington

[50:15] Yeah,

[50:15] it's like,

[50:16] I was driving cross-country

[50:17] and I stopped by a gas station

[50:20] and they had a books on tape section

[50:22] and the big, like,

[50:24] the tagline for these books on tape

[50:25] were,

[50:26] movies in your mind.

[50:29] Yeah,

[50:32] I guess that's books.

[50:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] Any thoughts on Ghoulies

[50:37] and or Munchies, guys?

Stuart Wellington

[50:41] Ghoulies and or Munchies?

[50:42] I mean,

[50:43] I really enjoyed Munchies.

[50:44] I don't remember it that well.

[50:45] I was very young.

Elliott Kalan

[50:46] I remember Ghoulies

[50:46] better than Munchies.

Stuart Wellington

[50:48] That's coming up the shitter, right?

Elliott Kalan

[50:50] That's the one,

[50:51] the poster famously has a Ghoulie

[50:52] coming up out of a toilet,

[50:54] which I don't think

[50:54] ever actually happens in the movie.

[50:56] All right,

Dan McCoy

[50:56] which one has?

[50:56] There's very little

[50:57] of the little monsters in Ghoulies.

[50:59] Which one in the,

[51:00] on the VHS case

[51:01] has one of them,

[51:03] you know,

[51:04] holding on to a lady's shapely leg?

[51:07] That's Munchies.

[51:08] Okay,

[51:08] and now which one has Harvey Korman?

[51:11] Wait,

[51:11] on the cover of the poster?

[51:13] Is that Ghoulies or Munchies?

Elliott Kalan

[51:15] I don't remember him being in Ghoulies,

[51:17] but I don't remember Munchies that well.

[51:18] Maybe there's a third one

[51:19] that I'm trying to think of.

[51:21] Puppet Master?

[51:22] Yes.

[51:23] Puppet Master's kind of like

Stuart Wellington

[51:24] Gremlins rip-off,

[51:25] but they use puppets.

Elliott Kalan

[51:26] Yeah.

[51:27] Or Doll Man vs. the Demonic Toys.

[51:29] Sure.

[51:29] Similar.

Stuart Wellington

[51:30] Yeah,

[51:31] absolutely,

[51:31] Demonic Toys.

[51:32] I recently bought a,

[51:34] I went to a dollar store in Brooklyn

[51:35] and they had a,

[51:36] they had a,

[51:38] a action figure

[51:39] for one of the

[51:40] Puppet Master characters,

[51:42] the Leech Woman,

Dan McCoy

[51:43] which is such a poorly conceived toy

[51:45] because,

Stuart Wellington

[51:46] first of all,

[51:47] it's like,

[51:47] it's a female action figure,

[51:49] so no boy's gonna want it.

[51:50] And what girl's gonna want

[51:52] a crazy action figure

[51:53] of a woman

[51:54] with leeches

[51:55] shooting out of her mouth?

[51:58] So surprisingly,

[51:59] it was,

[52:00] unsurprisingly,

[52:01] it was still,

[52:02] it was still for sale

[52:02] and covered in dust.

Elliott Kalan

[52:04] At that point,

[52:05] I don't even think

[52:05] the money you spent on it,

[52:06] did you buy it?

[52:07] Of course.

[52:07] I don't think the money you spent

[52:08] even made its way back

[52:09] to Full Moon Entertainment.

[52:10] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:11] Which is too bad.

[52:12] Well,

[52:13] not at this point.

[52:13] I mean,

[52:14] that must have been

[52:15] dissolved long ago.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] They made great movies

[52:19] like Mandroid

[52:20] and Invisible,

[52:22] The Chronicles of Bobby Knight.

[52:24] Wait,

[52:24] not Bobby Knight.

Dan McCoy

[52:26] Yeah.

[52:27] Chronicles of...

[52:28] Something Knight.

[52:29] Anyway,

[52:29] you're saying?

[52:31] What are you talking about?

[52:32] Movies.

[52:33] Oh,

[52:33] movies in our minds?

Stuart Wellington

[52:35] Yes.

[52:36] That's like,

[52:36] that's like describing radio

[52:38] as books in your ears.

[52:41] Or like,

[52:42] video games,

[52:43] like,

[52:44] books as like,

[52:45] video games you have to read.

[52:47] Yeah.

[52:47] It doesn't make sense.

Elliott Kalan

[52:48] Non-interactive video games.

[52:49] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[52:50] Text-based.

[52:51] I think we should skip over

[52:52] the recommendations

[52:54] because we're running long on time,

[52:56] but I need to get,

[52:57] I want to get to this

[52:58] last email

[52:59] because it is,

[53:00] it is a treat.

[53:02] And that is,

[53:03] it's titled

[53:04] Response to an M. Bureau Email,

[53:09] Post-its and Assumptions

[53:11] from Victoria,

[53:13] last name withheld.

[53:14] And it says,

[53:15] well,

[53:16] just listen to the podcast today.

[53:18] I am actually the receptionist

[53:19] that your fellow

[53:20] Flophouse fanatic

[53:21] Martin Biro

[53:22] was talking about.

[53:23] Didn't think I'd write back,

[53:25] huh?

[53:26] Just to clear up some things.

[53:27] Oh,

Dan McCoy

[53:27] the one where he left

[53:28] a Post-it note?

[53:28] Yeah,

[53:29] exactly.

[53:29] We talked about it last time.

[53:31] The receptionist he assumed

[53:32] did not listen to the podcast.

[53:34] And she says,

[53:37] one,

[53:37] I actually do have your podcast

[53:38] on my computer at home

[53:40] and my boyfriend and I

[53:41] listen on occasion.

Elliott Kalan

[53:43] You should make that

[53:44] regular.

[53:46] Stuart,

[53:46] this is the first thing

[53:47] Stuart glommed on to.

Dan McCoy

[53:48] Boyfriend.

[53:49] While you make love.

[53:50] No longer interested.

Stuart Wellington

[53:51] Barking up the wrong tree,

[53:52] I guess.

Dan McCoy

[53:53] I left the Post-it on my desk

[53:54] because I wanted to share

[53:55] the link with other

[53:56] film friends of mine.

[53:57] However,

[53:58] I'm a bit more of a gamer

[53:59] so I listen to Radio Free Burrito,

[54:01] Will Wheaton's podcast

[54:02] most of the time.

Stuart Wellington

[54:04] I mean,

[54:04] come on,

[54:04] it's Next Generation

[54:05] and Will is cute.

Dan McCoy

[54:06] Yeah,

[54:06] he was the most hated

[54:07] character on Next Generation.

[54:09] I mean,

[54:09] he has become a geek icon.

[54:10] I think you look a lot

Stuart Wellington

[54:12] like Will Wheaton.

[54:12] Yeah,

[54:13] you're kind of like

Elliott Kalan

[54:13] the Will Wheaton

[54:14] of the Flophouse.

[54:15] The most hated character.

Stuart Wellington

[54:16] Could I be Worf?

[54:17] And you could be Data.

[54:18] Oh my God,

[54:19] it's Next Generation.

[54:20] I want to be human.

[54:21] What is love?

Dan McCoy

[54:23] Oh,

[54:23] let's battle and stuff.

[54:28] Here's where the email

[54:29] takes a dip though,

[54:30] guys.

[54:31] In the next sentence,

[54:32] listen to this.

[54:33] Oh God.

[54:33] And stuff,

[54:34] yeah.

[54:35] Plus,

[54:35] I saw the pics of you

[54:36] three.

[54:37] Not really cutting it

[54:38] for me.

Elliott Kalan

[54:39] Wow.

[54:40] Wow.

[54:40] Even Stuart.

[54:41] Burn.

Dan McCoy

[54:42] Wrote in,

[54:43] to insult our parents.

[54:45] Wrote in,

[54:46] wow.

[54:46] What a burn.

[54:50] Well,

[54:51] there's a,

[54:51] there's.

[54:52] That's awesome.

[54:53] I actually do like your show.

[54:54] I agree with Martin

[54:55] that the ongoing

[54:56] homophobic rant

[54:57] towards short shorts

[54:58] on a werewolf

[54:58] was a big bunch.

[54:59] Never happened.

[55:00] Not happened.

Elliott Kalan

[55:02] Wait,

[55:03] yeah,

[55:03] didn't you go on

[55:04] some sort of

[55:04] homophobic rant?

Dan McCoy

[55:05] Never.

[55:06] Yes.

[55:06] Never.

[55:06] That was weird.

[55:07] That was weird.

Stuart Wellington

[55:08] He hates homosexuals.

Elliott Kalan

[55:11] And I have,

[55:12] and Stuart and I

[55:12] have no problems with them.

[55:13] I know,

[55:14] that's the thing.

[55:14] Another reason why

[55:15] they love us

[55:16] and don't like Dan.

[55:17] Anyway,

[55:17] you're saying?

Dan McCoy

[55:18] Two,

[55:18] I don't read

[55:19] Redbook or McCall.

[55:20] Those are my

[55:21] mom's favorite magazines.

[55:23] Actually,

[55:24] those would be

[55:25] Redbook and

[55:25] Architectural Digest.

[55:26] I study Japanese

[55:27] at my desk

[55:28] when I have two minutes

[55:28] or After Effects.

[55:30] No,

[55:30] I don't have

[55:30] personal issues

[55:31] at home,

[55:31] Stuart.

[55:33] I don't even

Stuart Wellington

[55:34] remember this,

[55:35] man.

Dan McCoy

[55:36] Give it a lot of heat.

[55:38] Yeah.

[55:38] She goes on.

[55:39] We have made our

Elliott Kalan

[55:40] first flop enemy.

Dan McCoy

[55:43] Flop nemesis.

[55:44] She goes on to

[55:45] describe herself

[55:46] a little bit more,

[55:46] but I don't understand

[55:48] her references

[55:48] because they're all

[55:49] game related.

[55:50] I'll check them out

[55:51] later and tell you

[55:52] whether or not

[55:53] they're valid.

[55:53] A lot of stuff

Stuart Wellington

[55:54] about Samus Aran.

Dan McCoy

[55:55] Sure.

[55:56] She's sort of

[55:56] a Samus Aran

[55:57] for the office,

[55:59] I suppose.

Stuart Wellington

[55:59] I don't even know

[56:00] what that means.

[56:01] So,

[56:01] awesome.

[56:02] We have an enemy.

Dan McCoy

[56:03] No,

[56:04] we don't have,

[56:04] like,

[56:04] she likes the show,

[56:05] but I think that

[56:07] Martin has an enemy.

[56:08] I think that we have

[56:09] become the go-between

[56:10] for the feud,

[56:12] which has played out

[56:13] via the media

[56:14] of the podcast.

[56:16] That's kind of weird.

[56:18] Exciting,

[56:18] though,

[56:19] huh?

[56:19] Oh,

[56:19] yeah.

[56:20] I wonder what's

Stuart Wellington

[56:21] going to happen.

[56:23] Probably more exciting

[56:24] than the movie

[56:24] we just watched.

[56:25] We won't be there

[56:26] to witness it,

[56:27] though.

[56:27] I would love

Elliott Kalan

[56:28] this podcast

[56:29] to become a clearinghouse

[56:31] for people's attacks

[56:32] on each other.

[56:33] Or their office politics.

[56:34] Yeah,

[56:35] people who work

[56:36] with each other

[56:37] writing into us

[56:38] to read insults

[56:39] to their coworkers.

Dan McCoy

[56:40] We just very slowly,

[56:42] you know,

[56:42] morph into a

[56:43] passive-aggressive podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[56:45] I think it's more

[56:45] important,

[56:46] though,

[56:46] is that she also

[56:47] managed to insult us

[56:48] and burn us,

[56:49] which,

[56:50] frankly...

[56:50] Not cutting it.

[56:51] We're three handsome guys.

[56:53] Yeah,

[56:53] I mean...

[56:54] We're all...

Elliott Kalan

[56:54] I'm not gross.

[56:56] We all have our

[56:57] lady friends.

[56:57] We all have our audiences,

[56:58] you know.

Dan McCoy

[57:00] Yeah.

[57:01] I mean,

[57:01] she does seem to be

[57:03] holding Will Wheaton up

[57:04] as the pinnacle

[57:05] of handsomeness.

Stuart Wellington

[57:06] Good point.

[57:07] I don't think I look

[57:08] like Will Wheaton,

[57:09] right, guys?

[57:09] No.

[57:09] None of us do.

[57:10] I mean,

[57:10] Dan does, maybe.

[57:11] Well, a little bit,

[57:11] yeah.

[57:12] Dan does.

Dan McCoy

[57:12] You're sort of a

[57:13] young Josh Brolin.

Stuart Wellington

[57:14] Young Josh Brolin.

[57:15] That's better than

[57:16] Worf, too.

[57:17] I'm sort of an

[57:18] old Mickey Rooney.

Dan McCoy

[57:22] Hey,

[57:22] if she likes

[57:22] Next Generation so much,

[57:24] people say I look

[57:25] like Data,

[57:26] which is not

[57:26] an appeal.

[57:27] Not at all.

[57:28] You look kind of like

[57:29] Elliot kind of looks

[57:31] like Odo.

Elliott Kalan

[57:32] That's the hard one.

[57:34] Like,

[57:34] Odo's got away.

[57:35] Who played Odo?

[57:37] Is it,

[57:37] not Rene Averginaw?

[57:38] Yeah, it is.

[57:40] You got those

[57:41] really weird cheekbones

Dan McCoy

[57:42] like that guy does.

Elliott Kalan

[57:43] And I do have

[57:43] chalk pale skin.

[57:47] Oh, wow.

Dan McCoy

[57:49] Now that we've

[57:49] had our

[57:50] Odo.

[57:52] Now that we've

[57:52] had our egos

[57:53] trounced

[57:54] by some

[57:55] semi-anonymous

[57:57] listener.

[57:59] I don't even know

Elliott Kalan

[57:59] what her last name

[58:00] was.

[58:00] It was withheld.

[58:02] I forgot what

Stuart Wellington

[58:03] she said,

[58:04] actually.

[58:05] I hope it wasn't

[58:07] anything too offensive.

[58:07] Guys,

Dan McCoy

[58:07] we should sign off

[58:09] to go say our

[58:10] prayers so that we

[58:11] don't get attacked

[58:11] by angels.

Stuart Wellington

[58:12] Sarah Prayers?

[58:13] Was that one of the

[58:14] characters from the

[58:15] movie?

[58:16] They call me

Elliott Kalan

[58:17] Sarah Prayers.

[58:19] I wish they had

[58:20] gotten that overboard

[58:21] with the characters

[58:21] and names like

[58:22] Bob Redeemer.

[58:24] Sure,

[58:25] John T.

[58:26] Atlas.

[58:27] Well,

[58:29] anyway,

Dan McCoy

[58:29] our names are

[58:31] Dan McCoy,

[58:32] Stuart Wellington,

[58:34] and Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[58:36] Good night,

[58:37] everyone.

[58:37] Or like

[58:38] Christian Everyman.

Elliott Kalan

[58:40] John Pilgrim,

[58:41] yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[58:47] I thought it was

[58:48] vampires that

[58:49] couldn't cross

[58:49] running water.

[58:50] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[58:50] it depends on

[58:51] who you talk

[58:51] to.

[58:52] Really,

[58:52] a number of

[58:53] supernets,

[58:54] because like the

[58:54] Headless Warsman,

[58:55] not a vampire.

Stuart Wellington

[58:56] But a goblin.

[58:57] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[58:58] a spirit of some

[58:58] kind.

[58:59] I use goblin

Stuart Wellington

[59:00] in a wider sense.

[59:00] It's not like a

[59:01] red cap.

Elliott Kalan

[59:02] No,

[59:03] he doesn't help

[59:04] people get their

[59:04] bags from the

[59:05] curb to the

[59:06] airport.

Stuart Wellington

[59:06] That's not the

[59:07] type of red cap

[59:07] I'm talking about.

[59:08] Oh,

[59:08] what were you

[59:08] talking about

[59:09] then?

[59:09] Like a red cap.

[59:10] It's a type of

[59:11] goblin or ogre

[59:12] that wears a red

[59:14] hat and devours

[59:15] travelers.

Elliott Kalan

[59:16] Ah,

[59:16] I see.

[59:16] Why the red hat?

[59:17] Does he remember

[59:17] the Guardian Angels?

[59:18] I don't quite know.

The Flop House: Episode #62 - Legion

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