The Flop House: Episode #69 - Big Money Rustlas

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this, our most juggalicious episode, we discuss the insane clown posse project, Big Money Rustlers.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] This is Elliot Kalin, joining the other pre-mentioned two.

[0:42] Wow.

[0:42] Good stuff.

Dan McCoy

[0:43] So Elliot, you're back.

[0:46] You're back from where?

[0:47] I was here for the last one.

[0:49] No, I know, but you're back from D.C.

Elliott Kalan

[0:50] Oh yeah, I was in Washington, D.C. the week before last.

[0:53] Ruining democracy.

[0:54] What were you doing down there?

[0:55] Undermining the very government of the country.

[0:58] Like a Fight Club type thing?

[1:00] Kind of.

[1:01] More like a week of television shows and then a live rally on the National Mall of Fight Club thing.

Dan McCoy

[1:09] It must have been amazing going directly from that, being one of the most powerful men in America,

[1:17] to complete irrelevance after Conan O'Brien started his new program.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22] Yeah, it really, you know, we thought we had built up a lofty place in the late night firmament,

[1:30] but then Conan O'Brien appears and suddenly no one even watches our show.

[1:33] Our ratings went to zero.

[1:34] Wow.

[1:35] Zero viewers.

Stuart Wellington

[1:36] I didn't know that you could even do that.

Elliott Kalan

[1:38] I didn't either.

Stuart Wellington

[1:39] I would think people would still like TiVo you guys or something.

Elliott Kalan

[1:42] No, the TiVo refuses to carry our show now.

[1:45] Instead, it records Conan O'Brien's show.

Stuart Wellington

[1:47] Yeah, when they TiVo your show, they actually just get a second recording of Conan O'Brien.

[1:51] Yeah, exactly.

[1:52] It's like the movie White Noise, actually.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] People's ghosts come through the static.

[1:57] It's more like the Don DeLillo novel White Noise.

Stuart Wellington

[1:59] I was going to say it's more like White Noise 2 starring Nathan Fillion.

[2:03] In that it's something I'm not interested in reading.

[2:05] Is that what the...

Elliott Kalan

[2:06] I think you should read the first third of it.

[2:09] Really?

[2:09] Then you'll get the point.

Dan McCoy

[2:10] I read all of Underworld.

[2:12] Well, I apologize.

[2:13] And that was a mistake.

[2:15] Yes.

[2:16] 800 pages of one.

Stuart Wellington

[2:18] Yeah, I only watched the movie adaptation of it.

[2:21] And I was like, what's with all these vampires?

Elliott Kalan

[2:23] It's weird that Don DeLillo wrote this story about werewolves and vampires fighting each other.

[2:28] Yeah.

[2:29] This isn't anything like...

[2:30] No, I get it.

[2:31] This isn't anything like...

[2:32] That's Don DeLunacy.

[2:34] Huh?

[2:35] Huh?

[2:35] Wow.

[2:36] Anyway, yeah, so...

[2:37] That's Don DeLunacy?

Dan McCoy

[2:40] Dom DeLuise?

Elliott Kalan

[2:43] Dino De Laurentiis?

[2:44] He's still looking at it.

[2:45] Yeah, he passed on.

[2:46] Who passed away either this morning or last night, I guess it was.

Dan McCoy

[2:49] We should probably...

[2:50] Should we talk about that now or should we save our remembrances until later in the podcast?

[2:54] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[2:55] You're the boss.

Dan McCoy

[2:57] Well, I care so little about the movie.

[2:59] That we watched tonight.

[3:01] That I could go either way.

[3:03] Stuart, you...

Elliott Kalan

[3:03] I would just say, Dino De Laurentiis, that people should remember he didn't make just crappy movies.

[3:08] All people seem to remember him for, to a certain extent, is his big budget, like schlock, like King Kong or The Hurricane.

[3:16] But he also produced La Strada, you know, a number of great Italian films.

[3:21] Serpico.

[3:22] Serpico, Evil Dead 2 and Army of Darkness.

[3:24] Cuffs.

[3:25] Cuffs starring Christian Slayer.

[3:26] Did he produce Cuffs?

[3:27] Yeah, I'm pretty sure he did.

Stuart Wellington

[3:30] And the dude from Dr. Giggles was in that.

Elliott Kalan

[3:32] I guess the lesson is if you produce over 200 movies, some of them will be good.

Dan McCoy

[3:37] Yeah.

[3:38] Well, no, things like, I like his good movies.

[3:40] I also like a lot of his schlock.

Elliott Kalan

[3:42] I hate his version of King Kong, but I actually kind of like King Kong Lives because it's so dumb.

Dan McCoy

[3:48] I like...

[3:49] I don't like his version of King Kong, but I like the idea of his casting.

[3:54] I like the idea that Jeff Bridges and Charles Grodin are in that movie.

[3:59] I don't want to watch the movie, but thinking about it, I'm like, oh, that could be a good King Kong movie.

[4:04] Don't you think, Stuart?

Elliott Kalan

[4:06] Josh Groban?

[4:07] Yes.

[4:07] Yeah, Josh Groban as a baby.

[4:10] Okay, that's weird.

[4:11] Fetal Josh Groban.

[4:12] Is he King Kong?

[4:14] Yeah, he plays King Kong.

[4:15] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[4:16] Speaking of stars of the...

[4:18] Of the stage.

[4:20] The music world.

[4:21] Yeah, the Grammy-winning Insane Clown Fosse.

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] I don't think that's an accurate description.

[4:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:28] Grammy award-winning Insane Clown Fosse.

[4:29] Stuart, why don't you talk a little bit about the movie that you really pushed us to watch?

[4:33] You chose and were...

[4:34] You were the engine behind.

[4:36] A prime advocate for.

Stuart Wellington

[4:37] Yeah, it was...

[4:38] Well, every once in a while, Elliot and Dan let me pick the movie.

[4:42] Uh-huh.

[4:42] Listeners at home.

[4:43] I'm kind of...

[4:44] Every once in a while, the film comes along.

[4:45] I'm letting him look behind the curtain here.

[4:47] That is the best in here.

Elliott Kalan

[4:47] You're kind of the power behind the throne every couple weeks.

Stuart Wellington

[4:49] Yeah.

[4:50] I'm like a Seneschal or a Chamberlain or something.

[4:55] Yeah.

[4:56] So I understood a lot of those words.

[4:59] You're the grand vizier.

[5:00] Yeah.

[5:00] In this case, I saw Big Money Rustlers at my local video store.

[5:09] I put down my copy of Spin Magazine, which had an article about the Insane Clown Fosse on the cover.

[5:16] And I was like, you know what?

[5:17] You'd already worn out your copy of Big Money Hustlers.

[5:21] Yeah.

[5:21] Their previous film.

[5:22] Yeah.

[5:23] Worn out because I kept pausing it and rewinding it and pausing it and rewinding it.

[5:28] And it was a videotape.

[5:29] VHS.

[5:30] VHS tape.

[5:31] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[5:31] Video cassette.

[5:32] Yeah.

[5:33] And yeah, it was just torn to shreds.

[5:36] So I knew I needed to watch something new that also –

Elliott Kalan

[5:39] You should have gotten one of those rewinder machines that's shaped like a sports car.

[5:42] It's better for the tapes.

Stuart Wellington

[5:45] Wait, but why does it look like a sports car?

Elliott Kalan

[5:47] Because why not?

[5:49] Okay.

[5:50] Because speed.

[5:50] Because beauty.

[5:51] Because grace.

[5:52] Elegance.

Stuart Wellington

[5:53] I need the speed in rewinding your vehicle.

[5:55] Class.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] A little thing called class.

[5:57] Anyway, you're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:58] Now, is it like an actual size of a sports car?

[6:01] No, it's a tiny sports car.

[6:02] Okay, so like a very tiny bikini model might straddle it or something.

Elliott Kalan

[6:06] Yes, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[6:07] Tiny Tawny Katane.

[6:08] Okay.

[6:09] Tiny Katane.

[6:10] We just call her.

[6:12] The popular 70s super.

[6:15] Tiny Harding.

[6:16] Sure.

[6:16] The tiny ice skater.

[6:18] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[6:18] That'd be weird.

[6:20] Tiny Daily.

Elliott Kalan

[6:22] The Tiny Tine Daily.

[6:23] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[6:23] I like it.

[6:24] Keep it going.

[6:26] So, yeah, I mean –

[6:28] From Cagney and Tiny.

[6:29] You know, I –

[6:30] Tiny and Lacey.

[6:32] I don't know if you guys know this about me, but I am a confirmed juggalo.

[6:37] Really?

[6:37] Wow.

[6:38] I did not know that.

[6:39] No, I didn't realize you were a juggalo.

Dan McCoy

[6:40] It does explain the fago smell that wops in whenever you enter the room.

[6:44] Yeah, my parents came to this country from Juggaland.

Elliott Kalan

[6:47] And the feces you were throwing at Tila Tequila.

[6:49] Sure.

[6:49] And Tiny Tequila.

[6:50] The tiny version of Tila Tequila.

[6:53] I feel very bad about that.

Stuart Wellington

[6:55] I mean, she can't defend herself.

[6:56] She's much too small.

[6:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:58] So you're saying your parents came from Juggaland.

[7:00] Yeah.

[7:01] And –

[7:02] So you're ethnically juggalo.

[7:03] Yes, of course.

Stuart Wellington

[7:04] Juggalish.

[7:05] Yeah.

[7:05] I didn't convert.

[7:08] I mean, I wouldn't have chosen this lifestyle, but I have to live it.

[7:12] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[7:13] I thought – I always thought that the makeup that you wear – I thought that was a skin condition.

Stuart Wellington

[7:17] No, no, no.

[7:18] That is part of my ethnicity, as are the dreadlocks that I try to have.

[7:26] Yeah.

[7:27] And –

[7:27] And you do attend the gathering of the Juggalos every year.

[7:30] I do.

[7:30] Every year.

Elliott Kalan

[7:31] That's in Illinois, I think.

[7:32] Illinois.

[7:33] Illinois.

[7:33] Yeah.

[7:34] That's in Illinois.

[7:37] What did I say?

Dan McCoy

[7:38] That was a tiny subset of Illinois that Eleanor Roosevelt set aside.

[7:45] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[7:46] I don't know any of the words you just said, but so I go to this Juggalo convention and I throw stuff at people and –

[7:54] Wonder about how magnets work.

[7:55] Yeah.

[7:56] I pour Faygo off some chick's ass crack into my mouth.

[8:01] I do a lot of meth.

[8:03] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[8:05] After a certain point, it just becomes the gathering of the meth heads.

[8:07] Yeah.

[8:08] I mean –

[8:09] It's really sad how meth has devastated the Juggalo community.

[8:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[8:13] I mean it's –

[8:13] And heritage.

[8:14] My teeth, really.

[8:15] They keep falling out.

[8:16] But I digress.

[8:18] So I made the decision to watch this movie.

Dan McCoy

[8:20] I hear that meth is actually a CA plot to devastate the Juggalo –

Stuart Wellington

[8:24] Juggalo neighborhoods.

[8:26] To cull their numbers to deal with the infestation.

[8:30] Well, they're not doing a very good job because we're here to stay.

Elliott Kalan

[8:35] You've planted your flag in this country's soil.

Stuart Wellington

[8:37] Yeah, absolutely.

[8:38] That's the thing.

[8:39] Like we're – no amount of jail time or whatever.

[8:47] Harsh immigration quotas.

[8:49] Yes, exactly.

[8:50] So I decided – I thought we should watch this movie because Dan likes westerns.

[8:55] I like westerns too.

[8:56] I love westerns.

[8:57] Wait, wait, wait.

[8:58] Dan is the western guy in this thing.

[9:00] I don't really think so.

Dan McCoy

[9:01] You're more into musicians acting in a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[9:05] That's why Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid is my favorite because Bob Dylan is in it and it's a western.

Stuart Wellington

[9:10] No, I was thinking more Pink Floyd's The Wall like I brought it up earlier.

[9:14] Yeah.

[9:14] Spice World.

[9:15] Yeah.

[9:16] Spice World.

[9:16] Yeah, absolutely.

[9:16] Both great.

Elliott Kalan

[9:17] Yeah, I love them both.

[9:19] Justin Tichelli.

[9:20] Justin Tichelli, Head, The Monkees movie.

[9:22] Michael Jackson, Moonwalker.

[9:24] Moonwalker and Captain EO.

[9:27] Can't Stop the Music.

[9:28] Ghosts or whatever that thing was that he made with Stan Winston.

[9:31] Yeah, all that shit.

[9:33] Yeah, that's my favorite thing.

Stuart Wellington

[9:34] I thought by recommending this movie you guys were going to really get on board in it.

[9:40] Get on board.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] I thought you guys were going to get on board.

Stuart Wellington

[9:45] Hey, fellas.

[9:46] Slow down.

[9:47] And to my sadness and a little bit of shame, you guys just weren't into it.

Elliott Kalan

[9:54] I think we were as into it as a human being can be.

Stuart Wellington

[9:57] So Elliot, why don't you summarize this movie for us?

Elliott Kalan

[10:00] Oh, I'd love to.

[10:01] Big Money Rustlers begins suddenly.

[10:05] With no menu screen on the DVD.

[10:07] In the town of Mudbug, population 179 to 180.

[10:13] It fluctuates throughout the film and eventually lowers.

[10:16] It is in the grip of an outlaw brigand named a gambling blaggard named Big Baby Chips played, of course, by Violent J in full clown makeup.

[10:30] Sure.

[10:31] This is the Old West, I will remind you.

Stuart Wellington

[10:33] Yeah, he wears flamboyant suits and a pair of studded bracers like he's an extra from a Conan movie.

[10:41] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:41] And he wears his – both of them, actually, I pointed out, wear their clown makeup, Cesar Romero style, over their facial hair.

[10:50] Which is very painfully obvious in the mini close-up shots of them.

[10:55] But continue.

Elliott Kalan

[10:56] So he's in the town of Mudbug.

[10:58] He's in control.

[10:59] No one can rest it from his corrupt and violent grip.

[11:03] But fortunately, a hero rides into town.

[11:07] A hero rises.

[11:08] A hero rises.

[11:09] There is a new hope in the form of Shaggy Too Dope playing the role of Sugar Wolf.

[11:16] It sounds ridiculous when you say it.

[11:19] The son of the previous sheriff, played by Ron Jeremy.

[11:22] Grizzly Wolf.

[11:23] Grizzly Wolf.

[11:23] Yes.

[11:24] Whose wife is now Handjob Hanny, the fastest prostitute in town.

[11:31] In the West, they say.

[11:32] Well, her handjobs are the fastest.

[11:33] She takes a very long time with her other jobs.

Dan McCoy

[11:37] Why would you go to a prostitute who advertises the fastest handjobs?

[11:42] Maybe you're a busy cowboy.

[11:43] You don't have a lot of time.

[11:44] All right.

[11:45] Listen, I've got to round things up.

[11:46] Drive-thru handjob.

Stuart Wellington

[11:48] It does seem strange because they don't have Twitter or Subways or things to keep them busy.

[11:53] The Facebook.

[11:54] Yeah, they don't have Facebook taking up all their time.

Dan McCoy

[11:56] They don't extend their handjob.

[11:57] Maybe a tantric handjob.

Elliott Kalan

[11:58] Well, I couldn't tell what kind of industry really ran Mudbug.

[12:02] So it must be something that takes up a lot of time.

[12:04] They have very short lunch breaks.

[12:07] Anywho.

[12:10] How about handjobs?

[12:12] Sugar Wolf comes into town.

[12:13] It's the most basic Western story you can tell, which is a town run by a bad man and then a single good man comes in and turns things around.

[12:22] And of course, Big Baby Chips sends his assassins to stop Sugar Wolf.

[12:29] There is a character named the Ghost who is some sort of ghost who shoots lasers from his eyes.

[12:35] Yeah, some kind of revenant.

[12:36] There is a character called the Foot who rides around in a steampunk motorized wheelchair with his enormous smelly foot.

[12:44] There is – well, let's just say there's a lot of stuff.

[12:47] And there's also –

[12:48] Midgets.

[12:48] Don't forget the midgets.

[12:49] Yeah, and there's Sugar Wolf's dwarf girlfriend who turns out to also, spoiler alert, be an assassin in disguise.

Dan McCoy

[12:55] Who I looked up on IMDb and discovered is a pornographic actress who does a lot of little person porn under the name Bridget the Midget.

[13:04] So that's a –

[13:05] Dan's been introduced to something.

Elliott Kalan

[13:07] Dan's finally – something finally clicked.

[13:10] And now he can finally achieve what other men achieve in different ways.

Dan McCoy

[13:14] Yeah.

[13:15] It's called a fetish, Elliot.

[13:16] When a man has one thing that he focuses on above all other things, like Stuart and his large bosoms.

[13:23] And Elliot and his – I don't know.

[13:27] The whole package.

Stuart Wellington

[13:28] Encyclopedic knowledge of X-Men comics.

Dan McCoy

[13:30] Yep.

[13:30] That's why I married my wife.

[13:32] Yes, yes.

[13:32] Because –

[13:33] Dress up as rogue, cycloc, Kitty Pryde.

[13:36] Cycloc, yeah.

[13:37] Yeah, who's that character?

Elliott Kalan

[13:38] Danielle really can tell her med reports from her genoshas.

[13:42] Her asteroid M's from her ship.

[13:47] For your X-Men and X-Factor fans out there.

[13:49] Gateway.

[13:51] Yeah, all of those characters and things.

[13:54] Anyway, it's a terrible movie.

[13:57] In the end, Sugar Wolf does – should I say the end of the movie?

[14:02] Yeah, that's fine.

[14:02] Sugar Wolf saves the town in a shootout with Big Baby Chips, who it turns out is actually

[14:07] Grizzly Wolf, Sugar Wolf's father, who turned to a life of crime because being a good guy

[14:12] just didn't appeal to him.

[14:13] There's a load of other – there's a rich variety of characters in this.

[14:16] There's the Mexican sidekick, Dirty Sanchez.

[14:19] There's –

Dan McCoy

[14:20] Who brings a quiet dignity to the role, I might add.

[14:22] There's –

[14:23] I think he's actually the finest actor in the movie.

[14:25] He is, kind of.

Elliott Kalan

[14:26] There's Jason Mewes as some guy – as the deputy whose name I don't remember.

Dan McCoy

[14:29] Bucky, who keeps saying, oh, crap, as he gets shot.

Stuart Wellington

[14:32] There is the –

[14:32] But he says crap not unlike the Olsen twins would say crap in Full House.

[14:38] In unison?

[14:38] No, like a – well, no, because only one of them would be on screen at a time.

[14:43] Is the other one just standing off screen saying the same lines?

Elliott Kalan

[14:46] I assumed there were a lot of scenes where John Stamos was hallucinating two Michelles.

Stuart Wellington

[14:51] But that's strange because there might have been two of them.

Elliott Kalan

[14:55] It doesn't have to be a hallucination.

Dan McCoy

[14:57] I guess you're right, yeah.

[14:58] It's sort of weird that they are not identical twins, but they play the same character.

[15:03] Huh?

[15:03] Huh, guys?

[15:04] Huh?

Stuart Wellington

[15:05] Huh?

[15:05] Well, I mean –

[15:06] Anyone with me on this one?

[15:07] They still look a lot alike.

[15:08] Yeah, they did.

Elliott Kalan

[15:09] And at the time they were babies.

[15:10] Yeah, they were small children.

Stuart Wellington

[15:12] Yeah, I mean, most babies look alike.

[15:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:15] And all of them look like Winston Churchill.

[15:17] That's why they get mixed up so easily.

[15:21] Yep.

[15:22] And that's why Winston Churchill and a baby used to get mixed up a lot.

[15:25] It was embarrassing for the war effort because they would – Winston Churchill would be taken to be nursed by some Scottish or Irish nanny.

[15:35] And meanwhile, a baby would be left in charge of the British Empire.

Dan McCoy

[15:39] It was embarrassing for the war effort, but I think Winston Churchill liked it.

[15:42] They went in.

[15:43] They say, it's the Blitz.

Elliott Kalan

[15:44] Mr. Prime Minister, we're being bombed by Germany.

[15:47] What should we do?

[15:47] Wah, wah.

[15:49] Yeah.

[15:49] Oh, no.

[15:50] He's a baby.

Dan McCoy

[15:50] But that was the thing, though.

[15:51] Winston Churchill had so much pressure on him that sometimes he had to just get away and suck on a busby woman's nipple for a while.

[15:58] And leave a baby behind.

[15:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:01] I'm not saying it wasn't irresponsible.

[16:03] I'm not saying – listen.

[16:04] It was all over.

[16:05] There are times Franklin Delano Roosevelt would leave a goat in his place.

[16:10] Franklin Delano Roosevelt.

[16:13] And Franklin Delano Roosevelt was a great leader, too.

[16:15] But, you know, when he was addicted to cans.

[16:19] Anyway, there's a rich variety of characters.

Stuart Wellington

[16:22] And budding other goats' heads.

Elliott Kalan

[16:25] Yes.

[16:26] There's a lot of cameos by huge stars like Dustin Diamond, Ron Jeremy.

[16:30] And?

[16:31] Vanilla Ice.

[16:32] Tom Sizemore.

[16:33] Tom Sizemore as himself.

[16:35] Todd Fredges.

[16:36] There's also the character of the other deputy who goes on a long trek to New York to get chili from a specific restaurant for Sugar Wolf.

Stuart Wellington

[16:44] Yeah.

[16:44] What was the deal with that guy?

[16:47] He was the comic relief.

[16:49] Everyone in the movie is the comic relief.

[16:51] That guy was hilarious.

[16:53] Now, would you classify this movie as a comedy?

Dan McCoy

[16:56] That's the movie.

[16:56] What Elliot said, like, you know, like, sitting here, listening to Elliot tell me about it, I'm like, that movie sounds great.

[17:03] It wasn't.

[17:04] I would love to see that movie.

[17:05] As soon as I said, ghost with lasers that come out of his eyes.

[17:08] Yeah.

[17:09] Imagine –

[17:10] I did like that part, though.

[17:11] Imagine the movie that Elliot described executed in the most inept way.

Elliott Kalan

[17:17] Yeah, as amateurishly as possible.

[17:19] With the most –

[17:20] A lot of sound effects.

[17:22] It was the only –

[17:23] Terrible off-color jokes.

[17:24] The only movies I've seen that are less professional, I think, are, as Dan and I were saying while watching the movie, the Seduction Cinema series of films, many which star Misty Monday, which are softcore porn parodies of hit movies that are usually shot, like, in somebody's rec room or backyard.

[17:42] You may be familiar with Playmate of the Apes.

[17:45] Which is one of the higher quality ones.

Dan McCoy

[17:47] Spider-Babe.

[17:48] Gladiator Eroticus.

Elliott Kalan

[17:49] What's some of the other ones that they have?

Dan McCoy

[17:51] An Erotic Werewolf in London.

[17:53] Lord of the G-Strings.

[17:54] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:55] There's this whole series of films.

[17:57] There's another one.

[17:58] I can't remember.

[17:59] But the –

[18:00] Oh, and Cleavage Field.

[18:01] Okay.

[18:02] Yeah.

[18:02] That might not have been the same company, actually.

Dan McCoy

[18:04] But it was definitely inspired by the same spirit.

Elliott Kalan

[18:07] And it is also very poorly made.

[18:11] I guess what I'm saying is –

Dan McCoy

[18:12] A lot of Adobe After Effects are involved.

Elliott Kalan

[18:14] I guess what I'm saying is the Insane Clown Posse in this, their second film, managed to reach the level of the most amateurish softcore pornography on the market.

Dan McCoy

[18:22] But without any actual pornography.

Elliott Kalan

[18:24] No, there's no pornography.

[18:26] There's a lot of bad language.

[18:27] But otherwise there's –

Dan McCoy

[18:28] There's a lot of like charming innocence in that softcore pornography that is somehow not in this film.

Elliott Kalan

[18:33] Listen, you can defend your porn later.

[18:35] We're talking about big money rustlers.

Stuart Wellington

[18:37] I mean whatever helps you masturbate and reach climax better.

[18:41] Yes.

[18:42] Charming innocence is what I look for.

Elliott Kalan

[18:44] That's why you really –

[18:46] You watch a lot of –

[18:47] Allison Hannigan quality.

[18:47] You watch a lot of Disney cartoons.

[18:49] Sure.

[18:51] You're not allowed to see Pixar movies in public.

[18:54] Not anymore.

[18:55] Not after that time.

[18:57] Mm-mm.

[18:59] It's a very amateurishly made movie.

[19:01] But it's also got like the goofiest jokes and slapstick and just old-fashioned yucks and gags in it.

[19:09] Yes.

[19:09] It's this kind of –

[19:10] Half them ups.

[19:11] It's this very foul-mouthed, silly comedy western in the tradition of Cat Baloo or There Was a Crooked Man or Support Your Local Sheriff but like shitty.

Stuart Wellington

[19:25] It feels a lot like these dudes just like made – wanted to make a comedy western and they put on a movie to show their parents work.

[19:35] That same level of competency.

Elliott Kalan

[19:37] Yeah.

[19:37] It's got a backyard quality to it.

Dan McCoy

[19:39] It's got the level of comedy of say An American Carol.

[19:44] Okay.

[19:45] I forgot about that movie.

[19:46] That was terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] But that was made by professional filmmakers.

Stuart Wellington

[19:49] Yes, but the comedy.

[19:50] The comedy was awful.

[19:51] Which by the way, that movie is worse than this one.

Elliott Kalan

[19:54] I will say there were – I laughed more times watching Big Money Rustlers than watching An American Carol.

[20:00] I will admit there were a few jokes of like the most basic somebody falling down or just something stupid happening.

Stuart Wellington

[20:08] Like you were loving that scene where our hero, Sugar Wolf, is just beating up that doll.

Elliott Kalan

[20:13] There's a part – once his dwarf girlfriend is revealed to be an assassin, there's a scene –

[20:19] He's a male dwarf.

[20:20] A male dwarf.

[20:21] There's a scene where he is beating up a very – just what is very obviously a doll.

[20:28] A tiny dummy.

[20:29] Or a dummy, yeah.

[20:30] And it goes on in a single shot.

[20:33] This is the rope of this movie.

[20:35] A single shot that feels like it's 40 minutes long of him just banging this dummy around while they have dubbed in sounds of the actor playing that dummy going, ooh, ah, ooh.

[20:47] And it is – it goes on for so long and they make just no effort to hide the fact that he is just slamming a dummy around on this – on the porch set of this western house.

[21:00] Great stuff.

[21:01] Fully obvious.

[21:02] And that's – and that is – there's something genuinely charming about that, about that, you know, just seeing someone drag out the stupidest thing in the world for as long as they can.

[21:13] The rest of the movie is terrible.

[21:15] There's a –

Stuart Wellington

[21:16] And it's not worth seeing for that scene.

[21:18] I think the worst thing about the movie would have to be – I know there's probably a lot of contenders for this – is the pair of goons that are following around a big baby chips.

[21:28] Yes.

[21:28] They are horrible.

[21:29] Like a pair of guys who are – it's just so painful to watch two guys try to be like goofy goon comedy relief and just constantly failing.

[21:42] And they're talking so quickly that you can't understand them.

Dan McCoy

[21:45] Well, but also you look at these guys and like these are like the most hateful people that you've ever seen hanging out in a 7-Eleven parking lot.

[21:53] Yeah.

[21:53] And like, oh, let's get these terrible humans and like give them like goofy –

[21:59] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[21:59] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[21:59] I mean they're really – they're irritating performers and they're not funny.

[22:03] They're all terrible.

[22:03] I don't know if I'd call them terrible humans.

[22:05] They're all terrible people.

[22:06] Dan is quick to make judgments.

[22:08] Yeah.

[22:08] Based on somebody's appearance.

[22:09] I would call that elitist.

Dan McCoy

[22:11] Okay.

[22:12] Guilty as charged.

Elliott Kalan

[22:13] There's actually – there's bloopers during the credits because of course, why wouldn't there be?

[22:18] And there's something so much more enjoyable about watching the bloopers and seeing that these are a bunch of guys who kind of don't know what they're doing as opposed to watching this movie, which is terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[22:29] I would have much rather watched the movie The Making of Big Money Rustlers.

Elliott Kalan

[22:33] The Making of Big Money Rustlers.

[22:34] There is a great Heart of Darkness documentary to be made about The Making of Big Money Rustlers.

Dan McCoy

[22:39] I'll give you that.

[22:39] I call them terrible people but then when we see the –

Elliott Kalan

[22:42] Terrible humans.

[22:43] Not just terrible people.

[22:45] Terrible humans.

[22:45] I'm about to reverse my position a little bit.

[22:47] Almost like they're like chuds or something.

Dan McCoy

[22:50] Yeah.

[22:51] I was about to modify my position.

[22:52] They're a subspecies.

[22:53] I was saying that they were terrible but then I agree that like in the bloopers like you kind of enjoy it.

[23:00] You're like, oh, these are just some goofy stupid people who are cracking each other up.

[23:04] Yeah.

[23:04] Look at these proto-humans.

[23:06] Doing their –

Stuart Wellington

[23:07] Look at these.

[23:08] There's some kind of subhumanoids.

[23:10] Look at these homunculi having fun.

[23:13] Laughing their horse face laughs.

[23:16] Yep.

[23:16] They don't know they have no souls.

[23:19] What do you –

[23:20] Look at these troglodytes.

[23:21] They're –

[23:22] No.

[23:23] They did the –

[23:23] Worshipping their painted idols.

Dan McCoy

[23:27] No.

[23:27] I –

[23:27] You know, I enjoy –

[23:28] Look at them.

[23:29] Scared of the thunder.

[23:30] I enjoyed seeing 12 different versions of them improvising an off-color line more than I enjoyed watching one version of that line during the movie.

[23:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:39] Well, it's not a good movie.

[23:40] No.

[23:41] It's not enjoyable or good.

[23:44] And it's –

[23:44] Let's not jump to conclusions just yet, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[23:47] It's so weird.

[23:47] There's arguments still to be made.

[23:49] It's true.

Elliott Kalan

[23:49] We have to debate this and then go to final judgments.

[23:52] There's something about also the fact that these are – okay.

[23:56] For those – anyone not familiar, you should be.

[23:58] Insane Clown Posse.

[23:59] They are horrorcore rappers.

[24:01] They're insane clowns.

[24:02] Who are clowns.

[24:04] They are clowns that rap about a murderous satanic circus.

[24:08] Not even a – I guess a divine circus.

[24:10] At this point, yeah.

[24:10] That kills people and attacks women, I guess, in revenge for their sins.

[24:15] I'm not sure.

[24:16] But it's – they – so they made a –

[24:18] They're based out of Detroit.

[24:20] They're based out of Detroit.

[24:21] But they made a – this is – so they are incredibly violent rapper clowns.

[24:25] They make a western comedy.

[24:27] It is goofy as all get out.

[24:29] Yeah.

[24:29] And there's no – not a hint of rap in it.

Dan McCoy

[24:31] That's what confused me.

[24:32] Like they've got this terrible, aggressive reputation.

[24:36] And this is a – like this is – this is like sub late Mel Brooks comedy that they've put together.

Elliott Kalan

[24:43] This is sub like Steve Odekirk, you know, epic movie, date movie type comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[24:48] And you had your hat on backwards.

[24:51] You had your pants turned around like crisscross.

[24:54] You were all excited for some rappity raps.

Elliott Kalan

[24:56] He could not wait for the hip-hop to begin.

[24:59] He could not wait for rhymes to be dropped.

Stuart Wellington

[25:02] You had some oversized sneakers on.

[25:05] Big clock around your neck.

Dan McCoy

[25:06] All I'm saying was –

[25:07] Slingshot.

[25:08] There were clowns.

[25:08] Skateboard.

[25:09] You know, it was in the west.

[25:11] There was a posse.

[25:12] Sure.

[25:13] But there was a definite lack of insanity.

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] No, I would say there's a lot of insanity.

[25:16] But of the – a child who's had too much sugar brands.

[25:20] Not the Ted Bundy type.

[25:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:23] Well, you've come to expect from your multiple listenings of the Insane Clown Posse's various canon.

[25:28] Oh, yeah.

[25:29] Canonical songs.

Elliott Kalan

[25:29] I mean each card in the deck.

[25:31] Absolutely.

[25:32] But it's – yeah.

[25:35] You wonder like – but it's – you know, there's – even the toughest people have a sentimental streak and a goofy side to them.

Stuart Wellington

[25:43] Clearly, I think we found the Insane Clown Posse's.

[25:45] Yeah.

[25:46] Yeah.

[25:47] Maybe they're not that insane after all.

[25:49] No, they are.

Elliott Kalan

[25:50] No, they are.

[25:51] And they're bad clowns.

[25:53] You mean then – what do you mean by that?

Dan McCoy

[25:54] I did not see any balloon animals made during the course of this film.

[25:58] I did see a lot of old English tattoos.

Elliott Kalan

[26:01] Yes.

[26:02] A lot of tattoos.

[26:04] There's a lot of little in-references for ICP fans, juggalos.

[26:10] Like for instance, instead of drinking Faygo, the regional soda that they are devoted to, it's Faygo brand whiskey because it's the Old West.

Stuart Wellington

[26:18] That's a cultural thing.

[26:19] So Elliot –

Elliott Kalan

[26:20] Is that a juggalo that's a cultural heritage thing?

[26:23] Yeah, it's – you know.

Dan McCoy

[26:25] Elliot Stewart, I want to open this question to you guys.

[26:26] Reserved for holy days.

[26:28] Every day.

[26:29] We were talking about how it was –

[26:31] It's just every day.

[26:32] We were talking about how it was revealed that the Insane Clown Posse are actually hardcore Christians.

Elliott Kalan

[26:37] At some point in their journey, they became very religious.

Dan McCoy

[26:42] What –

[26:42] The journey of their lives.

[26:44] What Christian message do you take away from this film?

[26:47] What do you think they were trying to impart to their flock?

Elliott Kalan

[26:51] I would say – well, resurrection because Big Baby Chips is killed and then the next scene comes back and says, we'll never die.

[26:58] And then start shooting at the place.

[26:59] Yeah, we have a final scene.

Dan McCoy

[27:02] The bad guy of the movie is killed and then the final scene of the movie, he pops out of a piano.

Elliott Kalan

[27:10] With two machine guns.

[27:11] And shoots up the bar.

[27:13] And leads to a shootout which kills everyone in town.

[27:16] So the resurrection, he obviously – obviously he believes in Jesus Christ as his lord and so has found eternal life through him and will never die.

[27:26] I think –

[27:27] I think –

[27:28] Oh, and also – and Shaggy 2 Dope gets shot through his shooting hand.

[27:32] That's stigmata right there.

[27:33] Oh.

[27:34] I was going to say that it's that Christian message of just being –

Stuart Wellington

[27:37] Midget bondage scene.

[27:38] Okay.

[27:38] That Christian message of just kind of being true to yourself and not giving up when going gets tough.

[27:45] I think that's the opposite of the Christian message.

[27:47] And like trusting in your friends and in your skills as a Pokemon trainer.

[27:58] Oh, I'm sorry.

[27:59] You've gone off the reservation, sir.

[28:01] Yeah.

[28:03] Wait.

[28:03] Oh, we're talking about the movie still.

[28:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:06] Sorry.

[28:07] And not Stuart's youth group that he hosts.

[28:08] I was working on my blog.

[28:11] All right, guys.

[28:12] He dictates his blog posts out loud into a tape recorder.

[28:15] Sure.

[28:15] Into this podcast.

Dan McCoy

[28:18] That's how he remembers him later.

[28:22] I don't really – like this movie is crazy to the degree that I don't even know whether we can dissect it.

[28:27] I think that we probably just need to go on to making our –

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] Well, is there – are there any moments that we can tell the audience about that?

[28:34] I mean it's – Sugar Wolf.

[28:36] Sugar Wolf has a stupid wolf howl that he does all the time.

[28:39] You like that part, Dan.

[28:41] Oh, that was terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[28:42] It was terrible.

[28:43] And there's a lot of swearing.

[28:44] You love that joke about how Sugar Wolf's mother lives in a outhouse.

[28:48] But when you go inside, it's like a giant house.

Elliott Kalan

[28:51] It's like a huge house.

[28:52] Yeah, there's a lot of the oldest, creakiest gags in this movie.

[28:57] Like that one.

Dan McCoy

[28:57] One of those that I actually enjoyed was the one where someone shot their gun up in the air and, of course, a bird immediately fell down.

[29:03] Yeah.

[29:04] Which, no matter how many times I see it, actually tends to make me laugh each time.

Elliott Kalan

[29:09] And I think that joke is 100 years old.

[29:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:14] Originally, Crossbow was –

[29:16] No, they had guns 100 years ago.

[29:19] Yeah.

[29:20] Lady Hawk.

Stuart Wellington

[29:23] Same words.

Elliott Kalan

[29:25] Well put.

[29:28] I think you should put the 40 down, Stuart.

[29:30] I drank it.

[29:32] I drank the whole thing.

Stuart Wellington

[29:34] No, there's that great scene in Lady Hawk where Matthew Broderick shoots the hog and they –

[29:38] Shoots the lady hawk.

[29:41] Yeah, it's like what Dan was talking about.

[29:42] Something like a bird gets shot.

[29:45] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[29:47] So let's make our final judgments about big money rustlers.

[29:50] Okay, this is going to be good.

[29:51] Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked in some way?

[29:56] I'm going to say –

[29:58] Tough one.

[29:59] Search through your – look into your heart.

[30:01] Now don't look there.

[30:02] Trust in your friends and your skills as a Pokemon.

[30:04] All right.

[30:04] Here's the thing.

[30:06] It's a bad, bad movie in that I hated watching this movie.

[30:10] I really hated watching this movie.

[30:13] I was mad at Stuart.

[30:14] I understood the way that Stuart sometimes gets mad at me for movies that I choose.

[30:19] I spent more time on my iPhone than I ever have before.

[30:24] Usually Stuart's the one who's texting people all through the films.

[30:27] Yeah.

[30:27] I'm very popular.

Elliott Kalan

[30:29] Stuart does a lot of sexting during the movies usually.

Stuart Wellington

[30:32] I will say that –

[30:33] I try and fit references to the movie into my sexting.

[30:36] Tonight was a little difficult.

[30:38] A little hard, yeah.

[30:41] Seriously.

Dan McCoy

[30:42] I will say that this movie –

[30:44] The way that this movie is almost a good, bad movie is like I kind of almost want to say people should see it.

[30:53] No.

[30:53] Because it's so weird.

[30:55] No.

[30:55] Like there's nothing that is so crazy.

[30:59] Don't encourage them.

[31:00] But it's – the craziness is done so poorly that I can't even recommend that.

Elliott Kalan

[31:06] Yeah.

[31:06] Okay, Elliot.

[31:07] It is a bad, bad movie.

[31:09] I actually – we were talking about whether this is the worst movie we've seen and it is not.

[31:13] And what were we saying was the worst one?

[31:17] American Carol.

[31:17] American Carol, yeah.

[31:19] But this – yeah, it's still not worth watching.

[31:23] And there's something like – there's something kind of endearing about this group of idiots who put this movie together.

[31:33] Oh, who's the latest now?

[31:35] Me.

[31:35] But it's not worth – it's a bad, bad movie.

[31:39] Unless you're a huge Insane Clown Posse fan, in which case –

[31:43] Seek help.

[31:44] Go see it.

[31:45] You've probably seen it 100 times already.

[31:47] You own your Hatchet Man shoes and you're drinking Faygo right now listening to this.

Stuart Wellington

[31:53] But –

[31:53] Just for some sort of completeness.

Dan McCoy

[31:55] But genuinely, I urge you to look into your heart and –

[32:00] And not find this movie.

[32:01] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:03] Stuart?

[32:04] Okay.

[32:04] Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[32:05] Well, as much as it pains me to say it, I think this is a movie I actually kind of liked.

[32:11] First of all, it was hilarious.

[32:14] Second of all, the action.

[32:17] What about that shit, dude?

[32:18] There was so much action.

[32:20] There was shooting and the slappings and the characters.

Elliott Kalan

[32:23] Yeah, I forgot that Sugar Wolf's – his other big power is that he can slap anybody no matter how far away they are.

Stuart Wellington

[32:28] And sexiness.

[32:29] There's a midget in like dominatrix garb.

[32:32] There's this old lady with makeup that's supposed to give really fast handjobs.

[32:36] That stuff's hot.

[32:37] Also, there's some really good music in there.

[32:41] Yeah, all together, complete package.

Elliott Kalan

[32:44] So would you say best picture of the year?

Stuart Wellington

[32:47] I'm not going to go that far because from what I hear, they're going to release another movie this year.

[32:53] So I don't want to be hasty.

[32:55] But this one is a pretty good start.

[32:56] Big money butlers.

[33:00] I think that is probably going to be the next movie.

Elliott Kalan

[33:03] Or big money Clive Cusler's.

[33:09] And I guess Shaggy 2 Dope takes over the Dirk Pitt novel franchise.

Dan McCoy

[33:16] So this is the part of the podcast where we recommend movies.

Stuart Wellington

[33:21] Movies that –

[33:22] So like big money wrestlers.

Dan McCoy

[33:23] Well, say that you – say you didn't enjoy big money wrestlers.

[33:27] Okay.

[33:28] Say you wanted to see another film.

[33:29] Give an alternative.

[33:30] Sure.

[33:30] Another film.

Stuart Wellington

[33:32] Or something to watch immediately after big money wrestlers.

[33:34] Yeah, to watch it.

[33:35] A palate cleanser.

[33:36] Like a comedown.

[33:38] A soul cleanser.

Dan McCoy

[33:40] Yeah, I'm going to start us off.

[33:43] I watched Mother, the Bong Joon-ho movie.

[33:49] You mean the Danzig song?

[33:50] Yes.

[33:51] I watched the Danzig song.

[33:54] No, I watched Mother by the guy who did The Host and Memories of Murder.

[33:59] Did you watch the whole thing?

[34:00] Didn't you say you only watched half of that?

[34:02] No, I was talking about – I watched half of the documentary Cropsy.

[34:06] So we're now talking ahead of time.

[34:08] And that also seems to be a good movie.

[34:11] But I have – I don't have time to watch movies.

[34:13] So I'm watching them in seconds.

[34:15] So you said no.

[34:16] No, I'm going to – I'm going to get – wow.

[34:19] This has been derailed immediately.

[34:20] I'm going to go back and watch all of Cropsy.

[34:22] I was enjoying it.

[34:23] But I have watched all of Mother.

Elliott Kalan

[34:25] You recommend the first half of Cropsy.

[34:28] I'll wait to recommend the second half until I see you.

[34:30] Turn it off.

Dan McCoy

[34:31] Once you get to the middle.

[34:34] That way it can't let you down.

[34:38] No, I watched Mother and I enjoyed it thoroughly.

[34:43] So this is the Albert Brooks movie?

[34:44] Yes.

[34:45] Starring Debbie Reynolds.

[34:47] No.

Elliott Kalan

[34:48] Mother, the Korean film.

[34:50] Is this the one about throwing somebody from the train?

[34:52] Yeah.

[34:53] I think that's – or stopping or she'll shoot.

[34:58] No.

[34:58] I'd like to see the movie.

[34:59] I haven't seen it yet.

[35:00] Even though I didn't love The Host the way a lot of people did, I wanted to see Mother

[35:05] when it was in the theaters.

Dan McCoy

[35:05] I didn't love The Host, but there's something about like Korean movies in general that I –

Elliott Kalan

[35:09] Let me just say my review on my blog was The Host without The Most.

Dan McCoy

[35:14] Okay.

[35:15] Clever.

[35:16] Oh, the movie The Host.

[35:18] Yeah.

[35:18] I liked The Movie The Host.

[35:20] I didn't love it as much as a lot of people did, but I do like the way Korean films seem

[35:26] to be able to juggle crazy tone shifts.

[35:29] Yeah.

[35:29] And Mother does that, but I think it's probably like a more consistent movie than The Host.

[35:38] It doesn't have a big crazy squid monster, so that's a strike against it.

[35:42] Unfortunately.

[35:43] But it's a lot of fun.

[35:46] Seen it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:46] Movie without a squid monster.

Dan McCoy

[35:48] Seen it.

[35:49] I'm not going to say a lot about it.

[35:50] I'm just going to say watch it.

[35:52] It's on Netflix.

[35:52] Watch instantly.

[35:53] It's a good time.

Stuart Wellington

[35:55] Is it animated?

[35:56] No.

[35:57] Not interested.

[35:59] Boom.

[36:00] Not interested.

[36:00] Live action is dead.

[36:01] All right.

Dan McCoy

[36:01] Well, don't pay attention to my recommendations.

[36:04] Is it in 3D?

Elliott Kalan

[36:06] Get out of here.

[36:07] Animation only.

[36:08] That's why I'm recommending Megamind.

Dan McCoy

[36:09] Animation domination, guys.

[36:11] Am I right?

[36:12] I'm recommending The Cleveland Show.

Stuart Wellington

[36:15] The Family Guy something something dark side.

Dan McCoy

[36:19] Family Guy Mark 3.

[36:22] All right.

[36:23] Anyone else have a recommendation?

[36:25] Anyone?

[36:26] Yeah.

[36:27] No fake.

Elliott Kalan

[36:29] Should I go next?

[36:30] Sure.

[36:31] Why not?

[36:31] Okay, fine.

[36:32] Have I recommended?

[36:33] I can't remember what I've recommended on this podcast, and I haven't seen anything lately

[36:37] that I really loved.

[36:39] Have I recommended Save the Green Planet before?

[36:41] Yes.

[36:42] Yes.

[36:42] Okay.

[36:43] Well, that's because that's another Korean movie.

[36:45] It's also a crazy movie that is genuinely watchable.

[36:47] We can come back to you.

[36:49] No, no.

[36:49] Okay, let me check the real.

[36:51] I got this one.

[36:51] I'll recommend the most opposite to Big Money Russell's movie I can think of, which I guess

[36:58] is Brief Encounter.

[37:00] The David Lean drama about a married woman who thinks of straying with a charming doctor

[37:09] in World War II, Austerity Britain.

[37:11] It's a beautiful movie.

[37:14] Excellently done.

[37:15] Classic British film.

[37:17] Brief Encounter.

[37:18] The exact opposite of Big Money Russell's in almost every way.

[37:23] Really affecting movie.

[37:24] Anyway, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[37:25] That's actually, I was going to recommend Brief Encounter.

[37:28] Wow.

[37:29] It's amazing.

[37:30] So, I guess.

[37:31] I'm characteristic.

[37:33] I guess I'll recommend something kind of in the same vein.

[37:38] Okay.

[37:38] You're going to recommend some kind of wonderful.

[37:41] So, the other night I was watching Return of the Living Dead Part 3.

[37:45] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[37:46] Sure.

[37:46] I was just talking about Return of the Living Dead with someone today.

[37:49] The first one.

Stuart Wellington

[37:50] And the Return of the Living Dead Part 3 is directed by Brian Yuzna, a sometimes Stuart

[37:57] Gordon collaborator.

[37:58] So, it is ridiculously gory.

[38:02] And it's a gore that makes you kind of uncomfortable a lot of the time.

[38:06] Like, it's just really kind of creatively gross.

[38:11] Like Antichrist.

[38:12] Yeah.

[38:13] I think the highlight of the film to me is that there's this kind of evil, like, Hispanic gang

[38:21] that is terrorizing our hero.

[38:24] And their night begins with playing an arcade game in a convenience store, then leads to

[38:31] murder, and then leads to them spending the rest of the night chasing around this zombie

Dan McCoy

[38:36] woman for no real apparent reason.

[38:38] That's the one that stars a young Melinda Clark with spikes coming out of her.

[38:44] Yes.

[38:44] Okay.

[38:45] Self and self.

[38:46] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[38:47] Which is the one.

[38:48] There's one of the Return of the Living Dead movies has a child star guy in it.

[38:53] The Return of the Living Dead Part 2.

[38:56] Is that the one?

[38:56] Who's in that?

[38:58] A bunch of nobodies.

[39:00] Okay.

[39:01] Bobby Briggs from Twin Peaks.

Dan McCoy

[39:03] Well, the whole series is pretty fun.

[39:05] That's the one that's very suburban.

Stuart Wellington

[39:07] So, yeah.

[39:08] Watch that one if you want a lot of gore.

[39:11] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[39:12] You know, and I'll recommend the first Return of the Living Dead.

[39:15] Yeah.

[39:15] Which is a classic.

[39:16] It's a fun night at the movies.

[39:18] Mm-hmm.

[39:19] With an ending that'll have you talking for hours.

Stuart Wellington

[39:22] In stitches.

Elliott Kalan

[39:23] So, guys, this is...

[39:25] Wait.

[39:26] I got this one.

Dan McCoy

[39:29] So, where are we at?

[39:30] Well, we're at the end, although this is one of the shortest episodes we've ever done.

[39:33] What else are we going to say about Big Money Restless?

[39:36] Well, that's the thing.

[39:37] I mean, if you have something you want to say about anything else, we can.

[39:40] We don't have, like, listening mail or anything?

[39:42] Yeah, no mail?

Stuart Wellington

[39:43] No, no mail.

[39:43] I kind of recommend Big Money Restless because I thought it'd be quick and we could get to

[39:46] all that mail that we have.

[39:47] Yeah, where's the mail?

[39:49] Listeners...

[39:49] Well, look, it's not my fault.

Dan McCoy

[39:51] You're looking at me like I haven't...

[39:53] Like, I don't write the...

[39:53] This is not Penthouse.

[39:54] Dan, where's the mail?

[39:55] I write all the mail.

Stuart Wellington

[39:56] I recommended Big Money Restless.

[39:58] They're actual listeners.

[39:58] Like, that was my job.

Elliott Kalan

[40:00] Right in.

[40:00] And I showed up.

[40:01] That was my job.

[40:02] What I'm interested in...

[40:04] I ate Popeyes and it was delicious.

Stuart Wellington

[40:05] That was my job.

[40:06] As you said, Elliot, what I'm interested in is how this Netflix rental is going to affect

[40:12] your future recommendations on Netflix.

[40:14] Yes.

[40:15] Based on your selection of your like of Big Money Restless, we recommend WrestleMania 7.

Elliott Kalan

[40:21] It's going to say, Italian horror films.

[40:24] Like, American dry comedies.

[40:26] And then clown rap westerns.

[40:29] All right, first of all, I hate Italian horror movies.

Dan McCoy

[40:32] Yeah, but they see you have a lot of horror movies.

[40:34] They always recommend that.

[40:35] I'm like, oh, yeah.

[40:37] But the fact that I've...

[40:38] You like horror movies.

Elliott Kalan

[40:39] You must love everything that Fulci did.

[40:42] You must want to watch Anthrophage.

Dan McCoy

[40:44] I think the fact that I've rated something like 6,000 movies on Netflix means that this

[40:49] is pretty much a drop in the bucket.

[40:50] The fact that I rate it is big money.

Elliott Kalan

[40:52] This is the kind of drop in the bucket that stains the whole bucket.

Stuart Wellington

[40:55] Yeah, did you even pull it out and measure it just then?

[40:58] 6,000 movies, he says.

[40:59] Yeah, great.

Elliott Kalan

[41:00] Rated 6,000 movies, whatever.

[41:02] No, I think that...

[41:03] Big deal.

Dan McCoy

[41:04] I'm not really...

[41:05] I watched a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[41:06] Listen, I watch movies all the time.

[41:07] It doesn't mean that I rate them.

[41:08] That's less a bragging right than something...

Dan McCoy

[41:09] I just watched Big Money Rustlers.

[41:11] Places me on the artistic spectrum somewhere.

[41:14] The fact that I've rated 6,000.

Elliott Kalan

[41:16] And suddenly he thinks he's an artistic type.

[41:18] Yeah.

[41:19] Artistic spectrum.

[41:20] Listen to Mr. Big Word over here.

[41:21] Look at this.

[41:22] $50 words over here.

Dan McCoy

[41:24] All right, well now...

[41:25] I'll write dictionary.

[41:26] Now I'm regretting not just wrapping the episode up when I had the chance.

[41:29] See?

Stuart Wellington

[41:30] It's all about wrapping with him tonight.

[41:32] He loves it.

[41:33] Like the insane clown bossies.

Elliott Kalan

[41:35] I guess what we're saying is, listeners, please send in some mail.

[41:39] So we have something to talk about.

[41:41] Because the next movie, who knows, it may be even shorter and dumber than Big Money Rustlers.

[41:45] Mm-hmm.

[41:45] It's impossible.

[41:46] Probably.

[41:46] If you have any...

[41:47] And anyone...

[41:47] If they have any suggestions...

[41:48] Well, because if we watch Jonah Hex next time, I think it's 82 minutes long.

[41:52] It's very short.

Stuart Wellington

[41:53] That looks really good.

[41:54] He's got like Gatling guns on the side of his horse.

[41:57] Yeah, and a train blows up, I think.

Dan McCoy

[41:59] By the way, this is...

[42:00] We're talking about more theme months.

[42:02] If we do Jonah Hex, this is unofficially the anachronistic Western month.

Elliott Kalan

[42:05] I think that would be great.

[42:07] Yeah.

[42:07] I would love to do that.

[42:08] Yeah.

[42:09] We could watch this.

[42:10] We could watch...

[42:13] The Wild Wild West.

[42:15] Mm-hmm.

[42:15] We could watch...

Dan McCoy

[42:18] Laser Westerns from...

[42:21] Computer Western.

[42:23] Westworld.

[42:23] We can watch the video for Knights of Cydonia by air.

[42:26] Okay.

[42:27] Sure.

[42:29] Whatever the name is.

[42:30] Is that the name of that band?

[42:31] We could throw away the entire format of the show.

[42:34] We can do whatever we want, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[42:35] Listen, it's our show.

[42:36] Yeah, we can just...

[42:37] What is the man going to tell us we can't do that?

[42:40] The suits of the network?

[42:41] Come on.

Stuart Wellington

[42:42] We can do an episode all about that episode of Fringe that Elliot loves.

[42:47] I don't know who you're talking about.

[42:48] You know that episode of Fringe Elliot's been talking about?

[42:51] I don't...

[42:51] You just do an entire episode about that.

[42:53] Don't really watch Fringe.

[42:54] Yeah, but you were saying that...

[42:56] Oh, no.

[42:56] It was...

[42:56] It was Leverage.

[42:57] It was Leverage.

[43:00] Same thing.

[43:01] They both have a lot of same letters.

[43:01] Wow.

[43:01] They both have names that don't make sense.

Dan McCoy

[43:04] A bunch of angry Fringe and Leverage watchers.

Elliott Kalan

[43:07] Fringe is an X-Files ripoff.

[43:08] Leverage is about con artists that stop criminals.

[43:11] Uh-huh.

Stuart Wellington

[43:12] That's the thing.

[43:13] It's like a serial killer that can only kill other serial killers.

[43:16] Yeah.

[43:17] Uh-huh.

Dan McCoy

[43:18] Who's the best person...

[43:19] It takes a thief to catch a thief.

[43:21] Who's the best person at preventing crimes?

Elliott Kalan

[43:23] That's not actually true.

[43:24] A criminal.

[43:24] Yeah, that's not true either.

[43:26] Actually, policemen.

[43:28] Turn out to be the best at catching thieves and stopping crimes.

Dan McCoy

[43:31] Ironically, police are the best at that particular job.

[43:35] Ironically, the crook has been caught by the very person.

Stuart Wellington

[43:38] Yeah, but how long can they stare into the abyss before they turn into monsters?

[43:42] 20 years and then they retire.

Elliott Kalan

[43:44] Here's my question.

[43:45] The gold watch.

[43:45] Here's my question that I brought up on Twitter today, but maybe you guys can answer.

[43:49] So is RoboCop eligible for a pension by this point?

[43:53] Can he retire and take a side job or does he just have to keep...

[43:57] Does the police department own him?

[43:59] Yeah, I mean does he have to give up his robot body?

[44:02] Yeah, when he turns in his badge, does he also turn in his robotics?

Stuart Wellington

[44:04] Yeah, I mean that's police equipment.

Dan McCoy

[44:07] I think this is a case for the future Supreme Court.

[44:09] I mean there is a certain amount of organic material in RoboCop.

[44:14] Well, and he's got a human brain.

Elliott Kalan

[44:15] Yeah.

[44:16] I guess how much meat do you need to be a citizen?

[44:19] Wow.

[44:20] So listeners, write in with your thoughts.

[44:22] So would that make an ED209 a citizen?

[44:23] No, because ED209 is just robot.

[44:25] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[44:26] Listeners, write down your thoughts.

[44:28] Bury them in a hole in your bed.

[44:30] What about...

[44:30] Send them to Dan.

[44:31] What about...

Elliott Kalan

[44:32] What was that guy?

[44:33] Send them to me.

[44:33] Send all this stuff to Flophouse.

[44:37] Flophouse questions, courtesy of Dan McCoy.

[44:39] Dan...

[44:39] 111 Dan McCoy Plaza.

[44:42] McCoyville.

[44:43] Uh-huh.

[44:43] New York.

[44:44] 112 1 McCoy.

[44:47] USA.

[44:48] United States.

[44:49] So wait.

Stuart Wellington

[44:49] Who's the bad guy in RoboCop 2?

[44:51] Was that guy Kane, the evil drug dealer, who gets turned into a...

[44:53] By the way...

[44:54] Yes, I believe so.

Dan McCoy

[44:55] If you have a...

[44:56] The drug nuke.

[44:56] If you have a question or a thought that won't irritate me...

[44:59] Because RoboCop 3, it's the ninjas.

[45:00] You can email that to...

[45:02] If you have...

[45:03] Ninjas versus RoboCop.

[45:04] That's a terrible idea.

Stuart Wellington

[45:05] Do they have like monofilament knives or anything?

[45:08] Uh, they have swords.

Elliott Kalan

[45:09] That's not gonna kill RoboCop.

[45:11] Listen, Red from that 70s show just stabbed a pipe into his chest in the first movie.

Stuart Wellington

[45:18] And then he dissolved, so...

[45:19] No, that's a different character.

[45:20] That was a completely different character.

[45:21] Was it?

Elliott Kalan

[45:21] Have you seen RoboCop?

[45:23] Yeah.

[45:24] Red was the one who kept shouting about Dick Jones.

[45:26] And he goes, can you fly, Bobby?

[45:28] And then throws him on at a car.

[45:30] Yeah.

[45:31] All right.

[45:31] It's a great movie.

[45:32] We should have watched RoboCop.

[45:34] Guys, let's do it.

[45:34] Or big money RoboCops.

[45:37] The insane cyborg posse.

Dan McCoy

[45:39] If you have a question or a thought that will not irritate and dismay me...

[45:45] Here's a hint.

[45:46] Wait.

[45:46] You can send it to the podcast at...

Elliott Kalan

[45:47] Let's not put that unreasonably high bar.

[45:49] Okay.

[45:50] Because you are dismayed or irritated by so many things.

Dan McCoy

[45:53] It's true.

[45:54] Okay.

[45:55] If you want to send a message to the Flophouse, you can do it at theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[46:02] And that would avoid this sort of freeform gibberish that you're getting at the end of this episode of the podcast.

[46:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:09] So wait.

[46:09] This isn't that...

[46:11] I thought this was pretty good stuff.

[46:12] I mean...

Dan McCoy

[46:13] Oh, it's all gold.

[46:13] I mean, I wrote all of this down.

Stuart Wellington

[46:15] Yeah.

[46:16] Sure.

[46:16] It's all carefully scripted.

[46:18] I don't know about you guys, but I need this to work.

[46:21] You need a win.

[46:22] I don't have very much left, guys.

[46:24] It's been a rough week.

[46:25] You got a lot to look forward to.

[46:26] Oh, okay.

[46:28] Like what?

[46:29] Elliot and I are taking salsa lessons on Saturday.

Elliott Kalan

[46:31] Yeah.

[46:33] Making salsa.

[46:34] Yeah.

[46:34] Caliente.

[46:35] No, actually, it'll be quite mild.

[46:36] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[46:37] Elliot's tummy.

[46:39] Yeah.

[46:40] He has to drink a lot of milk when he eats spicy food.

[46:42] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[46:43] And just in general.

[46:44] Yeah.

[46:45] He likes milk.

[46:46] I'm lactose super tolerant.

[46:48] I actually need it.

Dan McCoy

[46:52] Lactose is A-OK with you.

[46:56] So, um...

[46:57] What else do we have to talk about?

[46:59] No, no.

[47:00] Before we pull out the newspaper and start ripping on today's headlines...

Elliott Kalan

[47:04] Who likes to work out?

[47:05] Anybody?

[47:06] Let's sign off.

[47:07] Have you ever noticed how when you're at the gym, there's the one guy...

Stuart Wellington

[47:09] Anybody?

[47:11] Working out?

[47:12] Anybody?

Elliott Kalan

[47:12] Before that happens...

[47:13] Big money rustlers.

[47:14] Anybody rustlers?

[47:15] Big money?

Stuart Wellington

[47:16] Dan McCoy.

[47:18] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[47:19] I think I'm still Elliot Kalin.

[47:21] Good night, everyone.

Stuart Wellington

[47:22] Man, that was bad.

[47:23] Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[47:29] It's in one eye out the other.

[47:32] Dan, I like this new hairdo.

Elliott Kalan

[47:34] I don't know if it's in...

[47:35] What?

[47:35] What's going on?

[47:37] It's...

[47:38] Your hair is insane in the back.

[47:39] Yeah, what's going on?

[47:40] It's like you've been attacked by a flock of birds.

[47:42] You just managed to get here.

[47:44] I don't have any material on my hair.

[47:46] I was bouncing.

[47:46] I don't know I was supposed to...

[47:47] You gotta have a tight five on your hair.

[47:48] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[47:49] Just deal with hair.

[47:50] You hear about this hair thing?

[47:51] It's like...

[47:52] Who here has hair?

[47:53] Anybody?

Elliott Kalan

[47:53] It's like you got a bunch of...

[47:54] Am I right?

[47:55] ...string on your head.

[47:56] It's just growing.

[47:58] It's a part of my body, but I gotta cut it off.

[48:01] Hey, stop when you get to the arms, okay, barber?

[48:03] Thank you.

The Flop House: Episode #69 - Big Money Rustlas

Transcript

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