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The Flop House: Episode #71 - The Last Airbender

main Episode #109 Dec 19, 2010 00:59:26
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Transcript

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss the aptly named The Last Airbender.
[0:31] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.
[0:34] Woosh, woosh, woosh, woosh. I'm Stuart Wellington.
[0:37] And I'm Elliot Kalin.
[0:39] Wow, you've got a new sound effect every week this time.
[0:42] Well, the thing that was cool about that was that was the sound my movements were making as I was doing my airbending.
[0:49] Your airbending? But don't tell me the Flophouse housecat is gone.
[0:52] Oh no, he just hasn't shown up yet.
[0:54] Okay, good. Well, when he does, I hope it's a big fanfare.
[0:57] I'm sure it will be. Oh, he's great.
[0:59] Fan favorite, the Flophouse housecat.
[1:02] Stuart, I've got to say, I don't care to have my air bent.
[1:05] You know, you're in my apartment, you come in, you start bending my air.
[1:10] You didn't even ask. You could straighten the air back out.
[1:15] I don't think that's possible.
[1:17] It's easier to breathe that way. It's better for my skin.
[1:20] Yeah, bent air doesn't fit down the throat as easily.
[1:23] Sure. I mainly do it for the cardio workout, to be honest, guys.
[1:28] And to attract a mate.
[1:30] I thought it would be to...
[1:32] Like a peacock?
[1:33] I see a lot of old ladies in the park airbending.
[1:35] Yeah.
[1:36] In the mornings.
[1:37] Yeah, yeah, yeah. In what, like the Sunset Park park?
[1:40] I mean, it seems to work for you. You have attracted a mate.
[1:43] Yeah, and how do you think I did that?
[1:45] Well, I don't seem to remember you airbending before.
[1:47] You weren't there.
[1:48] Yeah, you weren't there.
[1:49] Okay. I don't know.
[1:50] There was a lot of bending.
[1:51] I don't know what happens behind closed doors.
[1:53] It was all part of my ritual.
[1:57] So this talk of airbending isn't just coincidental as I'm sure you thought, listener.
[2:01] It isn't from out of nowhere.
[2:03] We watched Avatar colon The Last Airbender tonight.
[2:06] No, it's just called The Last Airbender.
[2:08] Is it?
[2:09] They removed Avatar from the title.
[2:10] Yeah, completely.
[2:11] Holy fucking shit.
[2:12] Yeah.
[2:13] You saw the movie with this...
[2:14] Did you not see the opening title credits?
[2:16] I saw the promos for the movie that were called Avatar The Last Airbender.
[2:19] I don't think so. I think you're making that up.
[2:22] Because I think it was always The Last Airbender, right?
[2:25] When they first announced it, it was Avatar The Last Airbender.
[2:28] Oh, okay.
[2:29] And then they removed Avatar from it.
[2:30] Why was that? Why did they change it?
[2:32] Another movie came out called Avatar.
[2:35] Is it based on the same thing?
[2:37] No, based on a different thing.
[2:38] And it turned out to be the highest grossing movie of forever, I think.
[2:43] Sure.
[2:44] And why was that movie called Avatar again?
[2:46] Was there an avatar in it?
[2:47] It was about people's G-chat icons.
[2:49] Yes, yeah. It was about message boards.
[2:51] They're Xbox Live characters.
[2:54] Yeah.
[2:55] Yeah, it was originally called GIF.
[2:57] Sure, glad that we cleared that up.
[3:00] It was called a lolcat.
[3:02] Or a housecat?
[3:04] No, he's not here.
[3:06] Still not here.
[3:07] He's out of town getting around.
[3:09] I still haven't seen him.
[3:10] Tomcatting around.
[3:11] I still haven't seen Avatar. I may never.
[3:13] Really?
[3:14] Avatar The Last Airbender or Avatar...
[3:16] I think you seriously missed your chance.
[3:19] I think I did, too.
[3:21] Because I've been doing promo animations for Cinemax, we got HBO and Cinemax as a package.
[3:29] We hadn't had them for a while, and Avatar is on HBO recently.
[3:33] Look at Mr. Big Money over here. He has HBO and Cinemax.
[3:36] No, this is like...
[3:38] Oh, I have the premium channels.
[3:40] No, the thing is, this is my deal.
[3:41] I can watch...
[3:42] I know what you do late at night.
[3:43] I can watch erotic confessions on demand.
[3:45] I fall asleep to a rebroadcast of Sorority Row.
[3:50] That's what I do.
[3:51] Oh, awesome.
[3:52] No, I say that because of my weird sense of guilt of the fact that we don't make a lot of money.
[3:57] So I feel like I need to justify it to my listeners.
[4:00] It's all right. It's all right that I have premium cable guys.
[4:02] No, no, no. You want them to think that we're top of the world.
[4:05] They have to look up to us.
[4:06] Yeah, come on.
[4:07] We're some kind of millionaires.
[4:08] Speaking as someone who does make a lot of money, it's a waste of money for you to get those channels.
[4:12] Sure.
[4:13] Speaking as someone who's talking to you who makes a lot of money, I want to punch you in the face.
[4:17] But anyway...
[4:18] LovehouseHouseCat, save us.
[4:19] Rawr!
[4:21] Yeah.
[4:22] My point was...
[4:23] Oh, man. Somebody...
[4:24] It's because I broke out the beluga caviar.
[4:27] He eats only the best.
[4:29] My point...
[4:30] He's got a refined taste.
[4:31] A refined power.
[4:32] He is the original party animal, but in an elegant way.
[4:35] No, he's not the original.
[4:36] Elegant, elegant parties.
[4:38] Okay.
[4:39] The original elegant party animal.
[4:40] He's a little different.
[4:41] No, but I've seen...
[4:42] Eating fancy feast out of a crystal dish.
[4:44] He invented that.
[4:46] I've seen bits and pieces of Avatar on HBO.
[4:49] Now I'm like, wow.
[4:50] The Last Airbender?
[4:51] No.
[4:52] The James Cameron film.
[4:53] Okay.
[4:54] Aliens.
[4:55] This does not play in regular D.
[4:57] I figure I will never see it unless it's re-released again in 3D.
[5:02] If television commercials are to be believed, the best way to watch it is from the screen of your telephone.
[5:09] Your mobile telephone device.
[5:11] They do advertise that.
[5:12] It's like the lizard things that those blue guys ride on.
[5:16] It just flies right out of the screen into your face.
[5:18] Here's what I say about that.
[5:19] Ironically, it might be right in the sense that you either need to see it in IMAX 3D,
[5:25] where you're immersed in this crazy world,
[5:28] or you need to see it on a tiny screen where the cartoonishness of everything is not noticeable.
[5:33] And you can move your telephone back and forth.
[5:37] It's like Dr. Tongue's House of Horrors or whatever on SESI TV.
[5:41] Or just like the phone's coming at you.
[5:43] Whoa!
[5:44] 3D phone!
[5:45] Yeah, absolutely.
[5:46] So, The Last Airbender.
[5:48] Here's a tip for the fans at home.
[5:49] You can do that with any object.
[5:51] Create your own 3D movie by just moving something closer and farther away from your face.
[5:55] Don't do something sharp, though.
[5:56] No, no, no, no.
[5:57] No sharp things.
[5:58] Things that won't hurt you.
[5:59] If it makes you feel better to wear glasses, you could probably go to a thrift store and get some old glasses and take the glass out of it.
[6:05] I don't know at that point.
[6:06] I don't know why.
[6:07] Oh, just because 3D glasses.
[6:08] Just for the frames.
[6:09] Oh, okay.
[6:10] For the money.
[6:11] I thought you meant for protective.
[6:12] Take the lenses out.
[6:13] It's not protecting your eyes.
[6:14] No, no.
[6:15] Well, yes.
[6:16] It's just protecting the square of skin slightly around your eye.
[6:18] If you feel worried that if you're zooming things in and out towards your eyes,
[6:21] you're going to hit yourself in the eye, you should wear protective goggles.
[6:23] Yeah.
[6:24] Yeah.
[6:25] Probably like a blast shield, right?
[6:26] Yeah, sure.
[6:27] Absolutely.
[6:28] Like the thing that Luke Skywalker puts over his face when he's fighting that weird little ball.
[6:33] And maybe you should put a potholder on your hand just in case what you're holding is hot.
[6:37] That's a good point.
[6:38] Okay.
[6:39] And you know what?
[6:40] Just move your hand towards your face with a potholder on it.
[6:41] That's all the 3D you need.
[6:43] Who needs these avatars with their blue people?
[6:46] Don't do that around anybody who's telling you that's a way to find out if you have AIDS or not
[6:50] because you're just going to get your hand smashed into your own face.
[6:52] Yeah.
[6:53] That's not what actually happens.
[6:54] It's a trap.
[6:55] And do not accept a Hertz donut.
[6:57] Sure.
[6:58] Yeah.
[6:59] To quote Admiral Ackbar, it's a trap.
[7:01] Oh, that's so topical now.
[7:03] Check you out, Internet guy.
[7:05] Listen, what can I say?
[7:07] I know memes.
[7:09] You know your Ackbars.
[7:10] Of all the Ackbars, I think Admiral is the best.
[7:14] There's Ackbar and Jeff and there's Admiral Ackbar.
[7:17] It's a close race, actually.
[7:19] But only one of them has giant fish eyes.
[7:23] Yeah, a squid man.
[7:24] And the race is called a...
[7:29] They're from Mon Calamari.
[7:30] Yes, absolutely.
[7:31] Thank you.
[7:32] All right.
[7:33] So the last airbender.
[7:34] It's a planet that was discovered by Italians.
[7:35] Okay.
[7:37] It means my squid.
[7:40] So the last airbender, huh?
[7:42] Yep.
[7:43] Okay.
[7:44] So paint us a picture.
[7:45] How does this movie open?
[7:47] This movie opens with people Tai Chi-ing.
[7:51] Yeah, doing like Gymkhana or some shit, right?
[7:53] With their elements.
[7:54] It's a magical world where the four elements, earth, fire, air, and water...
[7:59] Are not a popular funk group.
[8:01] Nope.
[8:03] Because that's the name of the...
[8:05] Earth, water, air, and fire.
[8:07] Earth, fire, air, and water.
[8:08] You know, it's an alternate universe.
[8:11] Very much like our own.
[8:12] An alternate universe where there still was never a musical group with that name.
[8:17] It's a magical kingdom.
[8:19] It's a magical kingdom.
[8:20] People can bend elements, which means they do Tai Chi dancing and the elements fly around.
[8:25] It's telekinesis, basically.
[8:27] Yeah.
[8:28] And the fire people who can bend fire are trying to take over the world.
[8:32] By bending fire, it just means that when they do their little dancing around, fire flies all over the place.
[8:37] And as I said during the movie, this is like Harry Potter where the fire people might as well be Slytherin.
[8:43] Like all the evil people have this fire power, and that's how you know that they're evil.
[8:48] Fire means you're bad.
[8:49] Yeah.
[8:50] To quote Frankenstein's monster, fire bad.
[8:53] Yep.
[8:54] I'm going to be doing a lot of jokes today.
[8:56] A lot of famous monster quotes tonight.
[8:58] Just because I've quoted Frankenstein's monster and a man squid doesn't mean that all my quotes will be monsters.
[9:04] And Admiral Ackbar, I'll remind you, was a patriot and a military hero.
[9:08] Okay.
[9:09] Hardly a monster.
[9:10] A rebel.
[9:11] He was a rebel.
[9:13] Yeah, but then they won, and history is written by the winners.
[9:15] Sure.
[9:16] So that's Mon Mothma's Ghost.
[9:17] I think that should be the name of your band, Mon Mothma's Ghost.
[9:23] So there's like four different groups of people, right?
[9:27] And they can all do different magic.
[9:28] Yeah.
[9:29] They can all bend different things.
[9:30] They all bend different things.
[9:31] But there's one special Buddha, Dalai Lama type.
[9:36] And then warp forward, we're in an Eskimo tribe.
[9:39] Yes, we're in an Eskimo tribe.
[9:41] There's two kids, a boy and a girl.
[9:43] They're brother and sister.
[9:44] They find a kid with tattoos all over him locked in an iceberg with a giant flying sky bison.
[9:52] Yeah.
[9:53] Yep.
[9:54] Sounds reasonable so far.
[9:56] We can just – they find this kid, and over the course of a million –
[10:00] Scenes of people talking exposition to each other it turns out. He is the avatar the fabled reincarnation of this Buddha
[10:07] Dalai Lama character who can bend all four elements
[10:10] But he ran when he learned about the pressure. He would be under to be the avatar
[10:14] He ran away and was never trained in anything, but airbending he rejected his quest in the Joseph Campbell terms. Yes
[10:23] Yeah, then he goes home to like talk to his buddies and tell him that you know
[10:28] He shouldn't have run away and then oops. He's been in ice forever, and they're all dead. They're all dead
[10:33] It's it's the ant Baru uncle Owen moment. It's Captain America all over again, right Elliot. Nope not at all
[10:41] Come on. He was in ice for a while, and then everyone he knew was dead Bucky Bucky was dead
[10:45] I mean Bucky died when he was frozen in ice. It's not like Bucky died when he was away all right
[10:50] But all his other friends those non Bucky friends were all died
[10:53] Yeah, like Nomad well Nomad came in later
[10:58] He wasn't friends with him in world about Red Skull. That's his enemy
[11:02] They're not he's not dead though, right well. He dies and comes back all the time, okay?
[11:07] But just because he has a skull doesn't mean he's like a skeleton no no he has a human body with a skull face
[11:12] Even though I started this this is not the Captain America look what you started. Maybe it should be
[11:17] Capcast let's talk about this. Hey guys. It's Capcast. We have a real cool tonight
[11:22] We have Captain America writer Elliot. I hope the Capcast house cat comes by
[11:28] We're gonna have to check Capcast after this cuz it's gonna be like that time we did the the water lover thing
[11:36] We mentioned we mentioned I thought there was an Aquaman fan site called aqua fan
[11:41] Yeah, that was gonna be our ticket into getting into comic-con right yeah, but when we when we looked up that website
[11:46] It was a blog devoted to underwater sex with one posting and the posting was just underwater sex has anyone tried it
[11:54] Yeah
[11:57] That's what I call water, but
[12:02] Oh, no, I mean you're older
[12:05] So basically the avatars got to go around and learn how to bend all this stuff and beat the fire
[12:10] I gotta eat and the whole time yeah, and the whole time
[12:12] He's got these fire assholes chasing them
[12:15] You know the better the the guys who are all dressed in like you know black suits and have crazy helmets
[12:20] Yeah at no point are they like waiter. We the bad guys. That's
[12:24] around and they and they ride giant evil-looking ships and
[12:28] Do-backs, and they ride do-backs or Rontos you said it
[12:33] What are Rontos Rontos are the things with the long necks that were introduced? Oh? Yeah, that's right. Yeah, they're do-backs yeah
[12:42] The lizard that obi-wan is riding in episode 3 that makes the weird annoying sound yeah the one that's chasing the robo wheel with general
[12:50] Grievous in it
[12:52] That's the scene in that movie where I said this was designed to sell toys
[12:56] Why else would they both have different vehicles the and then the moment when the order 66 is passed down?
[13:03] That's the monster that gets shot right. I don't remember that part, okay?
[13:08] well
[13:09] They're being chased by the fire guys, but oh even the fire guys
[13:13] Don't see eye to eye because there's two there's the king of the fire dudes
[13:18] Then there's his head general
[13:20] Then there's the king is his son of the prince played by slumdog millionaires Dev Patel
[13:29] Oh in a fantastic performance, he's been he's an outcast he's been cast out of the fire people
[13:34] He thinks finding the avatars his ticket to the big time
[13:38] But he's in competition with the head general played by daily show correspondent Asif Manvi your buddy hilarious
[13:45] co-worker of mine
[13:47] What is a actually the most subdued performance, I think I've ever seen him give yeah
[13:52] I was gonna. I I said to you Elliot during the movie that I thought you were actually safe
[13:57] Because Asif Manvi probably turns in the best performance in the film so
[14:03] So you know there's no awkward lunches ahead
[14:06] You know because I know that he's a constant listener to the flop house huge love house fan
[14:10] And you know I don't think as he finds out what it is
[14:14] He also doesn't have any scenes where he has to like dance around wall CGI should happen
[14:19] He does the least amount of dancing around which is I mean it's probably for the best
[14:22] So you guys can't just show those clips over and over for him. Oh, yeah, I mean we would stay away from that anyway
[14:29] And is that good, but you can't take an a daily show that's how it is nope cannot take it
[14:35] But dish it out. We watch news might show it though right. Oh, yeah, of course
[14:39] Over and over they'll say down a couple part bender daily shows us if Monty makes a turd of a movie
[14:55] They are yeah, they call us the Blakely show
[15:02] No, that's good still in the the Colbert
[15:05] Any
[15:08] Who so there's a lot of fighting and running around and it doesn't make any sense
[15:11] and it's really boring and at the end the fire the airbender learns how to bend water and
[15:18] The movie ends and it's to be continued. Yeah
[15:22] like the airbender reaches out to the audience as if to say
[15:28] But I mean even that shot like that final shot of this totally uncharismatic kid with a black belt
[15:35] The kid obviously got the job because he's good at karate. Yeah
[15:38] Not a very good actor. Yeah, so that's his heart, but that final shot of him
[15:43] He's like hold his head out, and he does have this face like
[15:48] Okay, well he's supposed to look like he's still afraid of the pressure of being the avatar, okay
[15:54] He doesn't want to be the avatar. It's the as
[15:57] Dan said the rejection of the quest
[16:02] The whole movie is
[16:04] Rejection of the quest and finally acceptance of the quest. There's no actual resolution
[16:09] I mean this is no and this movie what's amazing
[16:12] This is an hour and 40 minute movie in which the hero
[16:15] Doesn't decide to become the hero until the very end of it
[16:17] There are whole movies that length that tell a complete story and feel much
[16:23] I don't understand like the other thing after watch this movie. I'm like how does Star Wars make sense?
[16:28] It's like two hours long, but it has a whole story in it like yeah
[16:32] The thing about is that it the I think they could have told the story
[16:36] But they spent all that time doing their fucking dance moves, and there's a lot of long Tai Chi scenes
[16:41] We also a lot of scenes of people explaining things to each other at length while the camera is right up in their fucking
[16:47] You got to set up that trilogy, baby. Yeah
[16:49] Yeah, but like that's the thing like Star Wars. You know like that you know Empire Strikes Back
[16:55] Like they both tell they're part of a larger story, but they tell
[16:59] Satisfying tales in their own right episode two or phantom menace
[17:04] I don't know what those words mean
[17:07] But you're right. Yeah, they you can crystal skulls
[17:10] Okay, if they it seems like Sierra film series no longer have
[17:15] Chapters that feet that are satisfying in and of themselves
[17:18] I've seen two Harry Potter movies the first one in the fifth one and both of them were so bad choices
[17:23] Yeah, they were terrible, but both were unsatisfying at the end cuz it was like that's it like there's no there was nothing
[17:29] Even knowing they can't defeat Voldemort like in the first movie. It should at least feel like something was accomplished. You know mm-hmm
[17:35] Well, you know they that was a year of school. They accomplished that it didn't even feel like they did schooling
[17:42] They were like a week of school
[17:44] Rickman was in it when does Harry Potter have time to study when he's busy like solving puzzles in the basement of the school
[17:49] They giant giant chess minute things in my Harry Potter slash fiction
[17:55] It's chock-full of him doing study sessions late into the night with Draco Malfoy
[18:01] Let's not hear about that
[18:04] Studying the possibilities of pleasure
[18:08] Just go to Stewart's blog Harry Pacwa fan
[18:12] plugs by that calm
[18:15] Yet, oh, yeah, of course
[18:18] So we've had a lot of laughs here today guys
[18:20] Are we are we done yet? We did not say anything about the movie. It's really terrible
[18:26] No, but no he didn't
[18:28] Never been less content. No. I'm not arguing. It's it. I'm just saying that the movie itself defies
[18:36] We got this cast of characters we got this bald kid with a chubby face. He's got magic kung fu, okay
[18:43] He looks really uncomfortable the entire movie then he's got
[18:47] Two Eskimo friends. Yeah, and then that kid with or totally white everyone's white except the bad guys
[18:52] Boomerang and then you got the weird girl with the white hair and the dark eyebrows. She's the princess of the
[18:59] like clear blue
[19:01] You know Steve McQueen eyes
[19:04] I'm trying to think of someone with blue eyes. I was the best I got Mickey blue eyes. Okay, it's right there Hugh Grant. Yeah
[19:10] You
[19:17] Got a Ron Silver and
[19:23] Silver it's a bearded man who's probably
[19:25] Tells uncle follows him and is his consigliere slash, you know, hey, it looks like
[19:31] cross between Tommy Chong and Ron silver you got awesome on B and the
[19:40] Bad
[19:43] It's a pretty cool title it's a good name for a super villain king of the bad guys
[19:52] More like that's like a that's like a like an aging rockers like bad back album king of the bad guys
[20:00] it's got a leather vest on, on the album cover
[20:07] with white chest hair showing through
[20:10] he's got a motorcycle and he's hanging out in an alley
[20:14] what's he doing there?
[20:15] I guess that's the purple rain cover, isn't it?
[20:20] then you got that fucking six-legged luck dragon he's riding around in
[20:24] whose name is Appa, he's a sky bison
[20:26] sure that's... I did some research after the movie
[20:29] uh... wikipedia research, the best kind
[20:32] actually, to find out the name of the sky bison in The Last Airbender
[20:36] wikipedia research is the best research
[20:39] what am I going to go to the biographical encyclopedia for that?
[20:42] let me just crack open my OED
[20:46] to find out about the sky bison
[20:50] to learn the causes of world war one, perhaps wikipedia is not your best choice
[20:52] but Last Airbender trivia
[20:55] let me look in the index of periodical literature to see what it tells me
[20:59] about Appa the sky bison
[21:02] uh... it's a terrible, I mean everything about the movie it's
[21:04] very boring and very
[21:07] poorly written and not well acted and terribly shot, the action scenes are
[21:10] really boring
[21:12] especially the effects are boring. Did you say it was like the entire season of a television show?
[21:16] yeah that was what it was uh... yeah they tried to do the first season of avatar
[21:21] what the fuck do they do in the television show for an entire season like
[21:24] more of that karate shit or what?
[21:26] well I would accept... maybe flesh out the characters and
[21:29] yeah I would actually
[21:30] it's it's a weird thing where like the slowness of this as a movie
[21:34] bothered me more than like it would as a as a tv show, I would accept a
[21:38] whole season of someone learning that they're a hero
[21:41] yeah but a whole movie is, but also like
[21:44] it was so choppy, well like the show heroes
[21:46] every scene was
[21:48] we've got to do this thing, we'll go to the other place, cut to next scene
[21:52] they're in a totally different setting
[21:54] but now we've got to go somewhere else, cut to next scene, they're in a totally different
[21:58] part of the world
[22:00] you could tell that they were trying to squeeze in action scenes from episodes
[22:04] the different parts of the world had
[22:06] made up titles on screen, like oh
[22:09] this is south airbender or whatever, this is the northern ice castle
[22:14] thank you for
[22:16] locating me in this made up geography
[22:19] consult my airbender atlas, yeah it's the map that comes in your blu-ray disc
[22:25] it's a fold out map, you can orient myself, I get my ipod app out
[22:30] you didn't know that every blu-ray disc comes with a map of where the movie
[22:33] takes place?
[22:34] sure and it comes with a scroll for learning airbending magics
[22:40] I didn't read it, oh I forgot to mention that at one point Asif kills a magic fish
[22:45] thus briefly turning the moon red
[22:47] until someone
[22:48] I guess gives up their chi to become a fish, yeah the girl with the pretty eyes does
[22:52] yeah and then everything's okay again
[22:54] yep yeah that was the climax
[22:57] that was part of the climax, see that's the kind of thing that could work in a season of a show
[23:00] like you build up why this fish is so important
[23:03] he gets killed, you have an episode or two where things are bad
[23:06] and then a character that we've come to know after a while sacrifices himself
[23:10] to save the world
[23:11] but there's that thing where her and that kid with the boomerang talked for a
[23:14] while and talked about uh... why he hates sand so much, you're thinking of a scene from
[23:20] star wars episode two, my mistake
[23:22] there's some similarities though right, no there's two
[23:25] so over the course of four minutes
[23:29] a big thing happened, the world was irreparably changed
[23:33] someone sacrificed their life and then it was over
[23:36] yeah there's nothing
[23:38] nothing more dramatic than watching a grown man awkwardly stab a fish in a bag
[23:47] it's called shooting fish in a bag for a reason guys
[23:51] if you take nothing more from us about the last airbender it is that
[23:55] that there's a scene of a grown man awkwardly stabbing a fish in a bag
[23:58] something that's clearly not a real fish in a bag by the way
[24:02] it's like they got the most rudimentary robot to like jerk back and forth inside this bag
[24:07] like a robot fish, yeah like a robot fish, like a blade runner
[24:13] a replicant, a replicant fish
[24:16] skin job, a replicant fish
[24:18] i'm glad you called yourself out for that, a scale job, a skin job
[24:25] uh... yeah so, a steve job
[24:29] but the action sequence, you're calling steve jobs a replicant, yeah what's he gonna do about it
[24:34] the action sequence that we're talking about where a grown man stabs a fish
[24:38] with a knife
[24:39] probably about as good as all the other action sequences in this book, probably as good as
[24:43] the action, any action sequence ever
[24:47] i would say so
[24:49] if you like your action sequences slow and with nobody coming more than three
[24:53] feet away from each other
[24:55] with the camera drifting aimlessly around in a circle
[24:59] i feel like this is a, why'd they need that kid to have a black belt because he doesn't ever touch
[25:02] anybody, he just does a bunch of dancing, well he does a lot of, they could have gotten one of them glee kids
[25:06] he's not even like, one of them gleeks
[25:08] he's also doing just like tai chi style
[25:12] martial arts, it's not like he's doing
[25:15] crazy, you know, hand to hand combat or anything, you know, they could have gotten a better actor
[25:21] to airbend, it feels like it was a movie that was shot at like a catholic school
[25:25] dance, where like everyone would get really close to fight
[25:29] and then the nuns would come by and be like, leave some room for the holy ghost there kids
[25:33] like step three feet apart, now you can fight, oh i thought you were going to say it was like
[25:38] irish nuns, yeah of course they are, i thought it was like a movie that was made at a school
[25:44] and they're like, okay
[25:46] who's good at airbending, you're the lead, you're the lead in the play
[25:50] the last airbender play, which of you has tattoos on your head
[25:54] okay you get to do it
[25:55] let's cast the bald boy
[25:57] he's been very sad since he had leukemia, now it will work in his favor
[26:02] sure
[26:03] was i the only one who every time i saw him
[26:05] it made me feel really sad, because i worried he was sick
[26:09] you can't have a bald kid in a movie, he also is like making a sad face the whole movie
[26:14] yeah, well he was sad he was in the last airbender
[26:17] he was terrified someone might notice his acting
[26:20] at every moment
[26:21] i think, i'm going to say it, you know what, i'm just going to go ahead and say it, Ed Night Shyamalan is not good at
[26:25] directing actors
[26:27] i'm just going to say it
[26:28] what about action, is he good at directing action?
[26:31] he's not good at that either, but i was saying this combined with the scene in the happening
[26:34] where Mark Wahlberg denies that he's going to kill that old lady
[26:38] uh... and goes
[26:41] what? no!
[26:43] in a way where you're like, oh my god, he's a murderer
[26:45] Ed Night Shyamalan's not very good
[26:47] it's weird though, because Bruce Willis is not an actor of tremendous range
[26:50] and uh... he can be good in things, but he can be
[26:53] very bad in things, but he was good in Ed Night Shyamalan's first couple of movies
[26:57] but all he had to do was be very quiet and look down at the ground
[27:01] and be sad
[27:03] i mean he happened to have caught God a leading man there
[27:08] who had a nobility about him when he looked sad and quiet
[27:12] what about Bryce Dallas Howard?
[27:14] she's cute, some stirring performances
[27:18] that's what i'll say about her
[27:21] real perceptive analysis of her performing style
[27:24] but i think that's another example
[27:27] i didn't say anything about
[27:28] i was like, oh, see her naked in Mandalay
[27:32] that was not what i uh...
[27:36] now you're telling people where you can see her naked, come on
[27:37] it's my uh...
[27:40] Mandalay Bay, the casino? or a hotel?
[27:42] go to the bathroom in the basement
[27:47] wait for Bryce Dallas Howard
[27:50] to enter
[27:51] that's her favorite casino
[27:53] but she's got this weird issue where when she poops, she has to take off all her clothes
[27:57] like a little kid does
[27:58] so you have to hide up in the ceiling
[28:01] when she takes off all her clothes, you've got to get some snaps
[28:06] just use your spider powers to sit on the ceiling
[28:09] like a paparazzo
[28:11] your father's so bad at directing, he made the da Vinci code
[28:15] i thought that was the sort of snap you were talking about
[28:19] i thought the da Vinci code was one of his better movies
[28:22] well, you're wrong
[28:23] uh... well, that's too bad
[28:27] that is factually incorrect, and is an error of judgment
[28:32] guys, let's save it until we see Bryce Dallas Howard in the bathroom, at the Mandalay Bay
[28:34] save this argument for the marriage of the da Vinci code
[28:40] until we are in a casino restroom with the new Bryce Dallas Howard
[28:45] you're laughing too much, i can't hear your joke
[28:47] this is a situation that's impossible to not think about when you're watching
[28:51] The Last Airbender
[28:53] being at the Mandalay Bay Casino
[28:56] with a naked Hollywood star
[28:59] Bryce Dallas Howard definitely has to take a dump
[29:02] she's gone to the buffet, she ate her fill, maybe at Mario Batali's
[29:07] and uh... maybe some Wolfgang Puck or something, and she's got to go drop off
[29:11] she's had eight different types of gelato
[29:14] i guess that's Las Vegas
[29:16] no, it's a thing
[29:19] they call it gelato, when you have eight different types
[29:20] and then we stand around making snaps of this naked actress
[29:25] and talk about airbending
[29:28] sure, of course, sounds fun guys, what can we do, i've got a few weeks on my schedule
[29:31] check your watch, i like that type of joke
[29:34] not good for the podcast
[29:36] some good visual acting for the podcast
[29:39] can't see me check my watch
[29:44] i'm doing all this great dancing, airbending type stuff, a lot of air is being bent
[29:50] airbending, and the music was bad too, hey!
[29:53] yeah, James Newton Howard, you suck
[29:55] it is a...
[29:58] burn!
[30:00] i just was burned in with my firebending
[30:03] uh...
[30:05] it's a don't see this movie
[30:07] a lot of money was spent on it could have been spent feeding stray cats now
[30:10] this movie was what the uh... the onion just and you're allergic to cats yeah
[30:14] i mean i like them and i still prefer that kind of recently the onion gave
[30:17] this movie the the worst of two thousand as of this taping yesterday
[30:22] the worst of two thousand ten list came out hard for me to disagree really
[30:26] navy gave us the number one slot
[30:28] yeah we don't know how this came in number three okay so i can't argue about
[30:32] that one
[30:33] uh... and i've seen number two
[30:35] that was a sensitive issue sure
[30:38] and do you want that for this podcast
[30:40] uh...
[30:42] yes and i didn't i don't think so it is i haven't seen it i only i mean i
[30:47] don't want to know how i watch it i mean i wouldn't want to uh... but i seem to
[30:52] have believe you probably watched it or in a pink bathrobe uh... and some
[30:56] minnow oblong issues and i don't know as i say with
[30:59] uh... cotton balls between your toes as you painted them okay i like it and
[31:03] eating a pint of hognose with your hair and curlers uh... with uh... surrounded
[31:07] by a legion of cats
[31:10] that do your bidding sure and solve crimes
[31:14] that sounds great
[31:16] in outer space
[31:18] house house cat did he just say solves crimes in inner space no in outer space
[31:22] but inner space would work to solve the crimes inside martin's that's basically
[31:26] osmosis jones solves crimes in inner space
[31:29] i don't know what you're talking about they hit animated film
[31:32] oh and subsequent uh... television cartoon program osmosis jones
[31:37] starring the voices of david hyde pierce and what chris rock
[31:40] chris rock yeah chris rock and the two of them what unlikely buddies
[31:44] unlikely buddies those two no but they work together
[31:47] okay
[31:48] they learn to respect each other
[31:50] through osmosis
[31:52] is that the same premise as meet dave
[31:56] no meet dave is about
[31:58] a race of aliens that live inside a giant spaceship that's a human size and
[32:02] is it eddie murphy
[32:03] looks like eddie murphy and most of the aliens inside eddie murphy look like eddie murphy too
[32:08] is that the clumps
[32:10] no the clumps is about a family of obese fat eddie murphy
[32:14] haunted mansion haunted mansion is about eddie murphy owning a haunted mansion
[32:20] it is that there's nothing in the title that is not
[32:23] that uh... there's nothing in the movie that's not explained by that title
[32:26] haunted mansion
[32:27] okay why is eddie murphy living there is it doesn't he have a bunch of mansions
[32:32] well he wanted something new he was tired of non-haunted mansions
[32:37] at that point when you're that man who has everything exactly
[32:43] so in conclusion eddie murphy has been in a lot of terrible movies they should make a movie called
[32:47] flaunted mansion
[32:48] why sure i don't know it's just about a mansion it's kind of a dance movie this guy's just always showing off his mansion
[32:55] check it out three bedrooms it's a very small mansion it's not a mansion so much as a house
[33:00] and if it was flaunt it mansion it could be like a cheerleader team moves into a
[33:04] mansion that's actually haunted yeah or like vaunted mansion it can be about sagamore hill
[33:09] teddy roosevelt's home
[33:11] certainly as vaunted a mansion as there ever was
[33:14] that'd be like a movie or
[33:16] more of a book
[33:18] it's a history channel special
[33:20] one hour special
[33:22] vaunted mansions
[33:24] sure
[33:26] could i download that onto my mobile device and watch it while i'm on the train
[33:28] i'm sure you could
[33:30] you're watching it as a mobisode
[33:32] and if i move it back and forth it'll look like it's in 3d right
[33:34] oh yeah it'll look like the houses are coming right at you
[33:36] guys guys we just did a herald
[33:38] stewart doesn't know what that means
[33:40] it's improv talk
[33:42] so let's do our final judgments
[33:44] wow we spent so little time talking about the last airbender
[33:46] cause it was the worst movie of the year
[33:48] i want to apologize to the audience for dan picking this movie
[33:50] yeah i want to apologize to me for me picking this movie
[33:52] we could have watched
[33:54] we were watching the charlie brown christmas when uh
[33:56] you came in
[33:58] and uh
[34:00] and uh
[34:02] and uh
[34:04] and uh
[34:06] and uh
[34:08] and uh
[34:10] and uh
[34:12] and uh
[34:14] and uh
[34:16] and uh
[34:18] and uh
[34:20] and uh
[34:22] and uh
[34:24] and uh
[34:26] and uh
[34:28] and uh
[34:30] and uh
[34:32] and uh
[34:34] and uh
[34:36] and uh
[34:38] and uh
[34:40] and uh
[34:42] and uh
[34:44] and uh
[34:46] and uh
[34:48] and uh
[34:50] and uh
[34:52] and uh
[34:54] and uh
[34:56] and uh
[34:58] and uh
[35:00] and uh
[35:02] and uh
[35:04] and uh
[35:06] and uh
[35:08] and uh
[35:10] and uh
[35:12] and uh
[35:14] and uh
[35:16] and uh
[35:18] and uh
[35:20] and uh
[35:22] and uh
[35:24] and uh
[35:26] and uh
[35:28] like
[35:30] like
[40:00] uh...
[40:01] i guess
[40:03] method of these delightful shenanigans okay so they were delightful and they
[40:07] were shenanigans i have uh... i have some insightful shenanigans and was
[40:10] for mail
[40:12] l a you do not need to reach into your fantasy mailbag because we've got some
[40:16] real mail there were some good letters in the fantasy mailbag i know but uh...
[40:20] dear stewart you are needed on a quest okay with this okay i'm listening there
[40:25] is a legend that you are not i think i said we know how many gold coins are in
[40:29] it for me there are four gold coins scattered throughout the land of
[40:33] mabornia
[40:35] no thanks
[40:36] blobhouse hoskat has to help me get over my mercenary nature as i search for
[40:40] these gold coins no need for the fantasy mailbag is what i said
[40:45] i am a single blonde lady with the following measurements
[40:48] we'll talk about that later
[40:52] so uh... this email says as luck would have it
[40:56] on the day i listened to your most recent episode i'd earlier watched
[40:58] robocop 2 for the first time
[41:01] the movie was awful
[41:05] the movie was awful in that kind of bland 80s sequel way
[41:09] but it makes me an expert robocop on robot no i'm sorry it makes me an expert
[41:14] on robocop's retirement options oh finally
[41:17] in searching for candidates for the robocop 2 program
[41:20] the main benefit ocp was going to dangle in front of them
[41:23] was a chance of immortality with the implication that they would be the
[41:27] property of the evil corp forever
[41:29] so i don't think peter weller will be getting much of a retirement package
[41:33] though it is possible that this is further explored in robocop 3
[41:37] territory into which i dare not go
[41:40] and that's from andrew lasso with hell he's got a jetpack in the trailers for that one
[41:44] and he fights a ninja
[41:45] be brave andrew jetpack robocop fighting ninja
[41:50] what a terrible agreement
[41:53] you're going to live forever
[41:55] as our soulless slave
[41:57] sounds good sign me up
[41:59] what and i'm not gonna have a penis great sign me up
[42:03] i thought that thing that he extends out of his hand was pretty much like a penis
[42:07] it's just a spike it's a jade spike if you try to insert that into a woman she would be upset
[42:11] well i mean a computer
[42:12] not a i mean you can't have sex with a computer
[42:16] wait while that raises a question
[42:20] speaking of star wars as we were earlier
[42:23] is r2d2 fucking every computer that it extends that little spike
[42:28] raping those computers
[42:29] i don't know look at the way the uh... the computer on the star destroyer was
[42:33] dressed
[42:35] that is not an excuse steward
[42:37] i'm tired of this blame the computer argument i hear from so many
[42:41] conservatives these days
[42:45] and that's why actually if you watch the deleted scenes
[42:48] that before every time that there's a spaceship chasing them and shooting
[42:51] lasers
[42:52] you see you hear
[42:53] there's that rapist robot we've been trying to catch
[42:58] they're just trying to catch r2 he's a terrible person robot
[43:01] that's what the prequels should have been about
[43:04] yes r2d2 going bad
[43:08] let me say one thing and i don't believe i mentioned before
[43:12] and an earlier podcast with the daily show rally to restore sanity we had a
[43:15] lot of big stars like r2d2 yeah we did well there's been a lot of big stars like
[43:20] kat stevens, ozzy osbourne, kareem abdul-jabbar and r2d2
[43:23] and i was so unhappy i didn't get a picture with r2d2
[43:27] i didn't want to... kenny baker was in the suit? no kenny baker wasn't there
[43:31] there was nobody i didn't want to meet any of the other stars i just wanted... it was kenny loggins
[43:36] i wanted a picture with r2d2 and my wife is so baffled by how excited i was
[43:42] she just kept saying he's not real
[43:45] i was so excited
[43:47] i don't think i've been that excited to meet a fictional character
[43:49] since the ninja turtles pizza tour came into my town
[43:55] uh... hi
[43:57] i'm delighted by your wife's bafflement at your nerdiness
[44:01] so okay this uh... this other email
[44:04] okay this is not the last one
[44:05] i say the other one this is the second one the last emailer
[44:10] hey guys mail vendor
[44:12] hey guys it says got an email on the bad film club mailing list about your
[44:16] podcast
[44:17] if nico says you guys are cool then i'm in as she can be scary but in a funny
[44:22] way
[44:23] mysterious i'll go on this is this i like nico listen to the last one i thought it was
[44:28] very funny maybe if any of you come to the u k
[44:31] you can play one of the bad film club live shows they're super cool
[44:36] anyway just thought i would say hello from over here in england bad movies
[44:39] rule katie
[44:41] and that she says xx as in kisses but she only puts two of them so one of us
[44:45] doesn't get a kiss i think i know who does come on let's let's not beat around the bush
[44:49] one for stewart also practicing my daniel craig accent hello hello is daniel craig here
[44:55] wait a second
[44:56] where did he go where did he go i just heard him so i looked this up i was not aware of this james bond what not
[45:03] the bad film club golden compass
[45:06] the bad film club very popular series of film screenings in england
[45:12] uh... they were kind enough to put us on their mailing list we were a lot of
[45:16] traffic was driven oh that's great to us from them uh... i apologize for this episode
[45:23] i'd like to thank them uh...
[45:25] katie who was kind enough to kiss two of us
[45:28] uh... wanted to know let me guess not kissing the leonardo of the group
[45:33] i don't know uh...
[45:34] just blow her apart with his optic blast his eye beams
[45:37] sure if she saw a picture of a pretty dreamy fellow i gotta uh... you know
[45:41] say that more like a nightmare sure photoshop does wonders
[45:45] but i think it's fun
[45:47] i think it's fun that she says
[45:48] maybe if any of you come to the u k you can play one of the bad film club live
[45:51] shows question mark question mark question mark
[45:54] and to that i say
[45:55] sure if we were invited to play the bad film club live shows i would be delighted
[46:00] yeah and if our airfare was coming
[46:02] if we happen to be in england
[46:04] that sounds delightful i mean that's something that
[46:07] neither of those things have been fulfilled
[46:10] neither we're not going to england and we have not been invited why are we not going to england
[46:14] you heard it here first folks the flop house is going to england
[46:18] yeah we're starting a charity drive vacation
[46:21] we're starting a charity drive where we'll
[46:24] we're gonna sell
[46:24] pack the car we'll accumulate money
[46:26] we're going to leave tonight and drive to london i was just going to jump in and say you're going to sell your used underwear
[46:32] like sure like those japanese vending machines where you can get the schoolgirls panties
[46:38] yep i'll sell my schoolgirl panty collection
[46:42] you spent years assembling that collection it's one of the finest in the western hemisphere
[46:46] it's in my storage locker that's uh... kept at a perfect uh... seventy five degrees
[46:52] we'll sell individual hairs of stewart's mustache
[46:56] stewart is known as pantyugaijin
[47:01] i go to panty otaku conventions
[47:04] pantaku
[47:05] yeah pantaku
[47:07] uh... this is
[47:07] enough of this
[47:08] now but uh... i was uh... i you know i'm i'm gratified that uh... we were put on this mailing list
[47:14] yeah it was very cool
[47:15] now we've got a few more england fans i feel more exotic already
[47:20] and uh... thank you katie although next time we close one more kiss that's all i'm saying
[47:25] nope and thank you bad movie club should we start listing all the movies we review in there like european
[47:30] titles as well from now on most of them are the same
[47:34] okay but i think the bulgarian title for this one was avatar bender of the elements
[47:40] the english title for this one was the zed airbender
[47:45] come on
[47:46] come on guys zed airbender that's pretty good come on
[47:49] i apologize england
[47:50] i apologize to all our recent new english listeners
[47:55] wanna hear some more daniel craig
[47:59] i'm james bond
[48:01] all yous all yous
[48:05] chimney sweep james bond dick van dyke chimney sweep james bond
[48:08] okay so
[48:09] this one uh... is from andrew last name withheld you got some good letters this week
[48:13] no sure
[48:14] andrew last name withheld says
[48:17] floppers after suffering crippling delays on a recent jet blue flight the
[48:21] entire plane was compensated with a free showing of the tom cruise
[48:25] cameron diaz stinkfest night and day
[48:28] i'm a frequent listener to your hilarious show but night and day is the first movie i've had to
[48:31] suffer through that compelled me to write in
[48:33] it's everything a movie
[48:35] should not be
[48:37] don't interrupt
[48:38] it's everything a movie supports should not be an unfunny comedy a boring action
[48:43] flick and a romance without chemistry
[48:45] between the lead actors tom cruise is a standout in fifteen years he's gone from
[48:49] being a credible spy in mission impossible to some sort of creepy loner
[48:53] with a gun in night and day
[48:55] you'd be doing a great service to the world if you give it the old flop house treatment
[48:58] what do you think guys? night and day?
[49:00] yeah i'd be up to flopping that
[49:02] yeah i'll give it my treatment now that i've seen the worst that film has to offer
[49:06] treatment
[49:07] yep on hbo
[49:09] get a kick back
[49:10] every time alright listen
[49:13] we're not usually like this
[49:15] hey uh... that's the movie where uh... it's the movie where they spell night like he's uh...
[49:19] like he's a knight
[49:21] i thought it was going to be like
[49:23] kate leopold or whatever that movie was called where tom cruise is a knight from
[49:28] medieval times who comes to modern days. there's Hugh Jackman's in that movie not
[49:31] tom cruise. no no but i thought night and day was going to be like that. you thought it was going to be like black knight
[49:35] starring martin lawrence. exactly. similar in some ways
[49:39] black knight produced by the same man who produced
[49:43] little murders the movie i'm showing on january fifth
[49:47] awesome. is martin lawrence in that movie?
[49:50] is martin lawrence in that movie? no martin lawrence is not in that movie. that's too bad
[49:53] uh... yeah every movie should. if martin lawrence had been an airbender it would have been
[49:57] sure much better movie. sad boys 2 is a much better movie
[50:00] It's so hard to find a movie that fits into the sentence, Bad Boys 2 is a much better
[50:07] movie than Airbender.
[50:08] Well, Airbender doesn't feature two animatronic rats, having said that.
[50:11] Bad Boys 2 is the epitome of a good bad movie.
[50:13] That is an excellent bad movie.
[50:15] When they plow through that Cuban shantytown with no regard for the families that they
[50:22] have mowed down, they all work in like Coke production facilities.
[50:27] Yeah, and as you say, the scene where Martin Lourdes watches two puppet rats fucking each
[50:35] other.
[50:36] For no reason.
[50:37] Well, I mean, I think they have a reason.
[50:38] I think the rats have a reason for having sex.
[50:41] The rats have a reason.
[50:42] There's no reason to include that scene in the film.
[50:45] Hilarious.
[50:46] No.
[50:47] I remember when we watched that, you were like rolling in the aisle.
[50:50] You're right.
[50:51] I was ROTFL.
[50:52] You were throwing your popcorn in the air.
[50:54] For some reason, I represent laughter by tossing popcorn into the air.
[51:00] Yeah, and your nachos.
[51:01] I remember I saw that movie in the theater for some reason, and the guy next to me.
[51:07] I know, the reason is because it's fucking awesome.
[51:09] The guy next to me was punching me in the shoulder.
[51:12] He's like, did you see that?
[51:13] And I'm like, yeah, pretty good.
[51:14] Was that Guy Stewart?
[51:15] It was me.
[51:16] I was punching him in the nachos.
[51:17] What?
[51:18] Is that a cat?
[51:19] Yeah, there's a cat under our feet.
[51:20] I know which cat.
[51:21] So, and the last e-mail is from Brian LastnameWithheld.
[51:27] Let's just take a moment to savor this last e-mail.
[51:31] The last mail vendor, right?
[51:32] The last mail vendor, yeah.
[51:33] The last mail vendor tonight.
[51:35] The last gender bender.
[51:37] Brian LastnameWithheld, and I think it's inspired by your fantasy mail bag.
[51:42] Fantasy mail bag, letters that aren't real.
[51:46] Fantasy mail bag, letters that aren't real.
[51:50] Did you just come up with that?
[51:51] I did.
[51:52] I copyright it now.
[51:53] It's like Happy Birthday.
[51:54] People have to pay me when they sing it.
[51:55] And they do.
[51:56] Inspired by Elliot's new segment, Brian LastnameWithheld says, hi Dan, how are you doing?
[52:05] How was your turkey day?
[52:06] And I'd like to say to you, Brian, that's the whole letter.
[52:09] That's the whole letter?
[52:10] Are you sure that was a flophouse letter?
[52:12] Why did he do his voice so stupid?
[52:16] That was me being caring.
[52:18] No, it sounded stupid.
[52:19] Like you were making fun of his voice.
[52:21] I don't know what he sounds like.
[52:22] How was your turkey day?
[52:23] It was a delight.
[52:24] What did you have?
[52:25] I went to our friend's the birds.
[52:28] Okay.
[52:29] I brought some...
[52:30] They're strictly for the birds.
[52:32] Recently impregnated.
[52:33] Well, one of them is.
[52:35] Well, yeah.
[52:36] Both.
[52:37] Both husband and wife.
[52:39] One with a young child and one with an alien baby.
[52:42] No, I brought some delicious bread.
[52:46] Much like I brought to your potluck.
[52:48] We had a non-flophouse-related potluck dinner at Stewart's Place.
[52:53] I made a crack pie.
[52:55] We had a delicious...
[52:57] We had a great Thanksgiving.
[52:59] Sadly, that was the meal that made me sick because both of the birds had had a cold
[53:04] and you shouldn't go to a meal at a house where the people serving you that meal
[53:11] have had a disease recently.
[53:13] Sounds like they were the turkeys.
[53:15] Otherwise, it was great.
[53:16] How long were you waiting to say that one?
[53:17] Like a minute.
[53:19] So that's why you were extra hilarious.
[53:22] Yeah, that is why.
[53:23] I don't know why, but it did work out in the last podcast that you were sick and had no
[53:29] idea what was going on.
[53:30] I mean, I really listened to it.
[53:32] I was less woozy than I thought at the time.
[53:35] That was just you acting.
[53:36] But yeah, no, I was baffled.
[53:38] I think you should listen to it again.
[53:41] Listen to it backwards and see all the subliminal messages we put in there.
[53:44] Rip, rip, rip, rip it.
[53:46] That's what it sounds like when you do it backwards.
[53:48] It's not really a subliminal message.
[53:49] It's just what it sounds like when you tape backwards.
[53:52] You've got to slow it down, too.
[53:54] What happens when you slow it down?
[53:56] I make house cat noises.
[54:00] So thank you, Brian, for that expression of personal concern.
[54:04] Yeah, concern, sure.
[54:05] Thank you to everyone who wrote in.
[54:06] Yeah, that's really awesome.
[54:07] And if more people want to write in, where should they write to, Dan?
[54:10] They should write to theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.
[54:14] Okay, and if you want to send missives to the house cat, send it to housecat at theinternet.edu.
[54:21] Care of Stewart Wellington, 123 Main Street, America, New Jersey.
[54:26] Make sure he gets it.
[54:27] He can't read English.
[54:29] And he only speaks house cat, right?
[54:31] He only speaks cat, so I'd have to translate.
[54:34] And if anyone wants to write in, we've got to create a Flophouse House Cat groundswell
[54:39] so we can get someone interested to make merchandise.
[54:41] You can also run it through Babblefish, the Babblefish program on the Internet.
[54:45] Just set it from cat to English.
[54:47] Yeah, or the other way around. It doesn't matter.
[54:50] Or English to cat.
[54:51] Yeah, you'll figure it out.
[54:52] Or there's probably some kind of an iPhone app.
[54:54] Let's get back to what you were talking about.
[54:58] Guys, we had such a bursting mailbag that we have to do our recommendations fast this week.
[55:03] Fast and loose.
[55:05] What movies have you seen recently that you might recommend in lieu of The Last Airbender?
[55:12] Elliot, do you have one?
[55:13] In lieu of The Last Airbender, I'd recommend any other movie ever made.
[55:16] But I also recommend the new filming version of True Grit.
[55:21] I saw it on Tuesday, and it was very good, and I'd recommend it.
[55:26] Well, that was even speedier than I thought.
[55:30] I watched the movie Louie Bluie.
[55:32] It's a documentary.
[55:33] It was Terry Zweigoff's first movie.
[55:36] He made it before Crumb, but it has a lot of the same themes.
[55:41] I mean, it's about an elderly...
[55:43] It's about a family of crazy brothers.
[55:46] One of whom is a famous cartoonist.
[55:48] An aging blues musician.
[55:51] Blues and old country musician.
[55:54] And he's also...
[55:55] Is he a bad Santa? Is that what you're talking about?
[55:59] Confidential.
[56:00] Well, actually, the blues musician Louie Bluie, he's also an artist.
[56:04] There's a great sequence in it where he pulls this book out
[56:08] that is just labeled pornography.
[56:11] But when you open it up, it's like this illuminated manuscript.
[56:15] It's like old time...
[56:16] He's written out in calligraphy all these stories from his life,
[56:19] but they're all sex-related.
[56:20] And he's got these great sex cartoons.
[56:23] But it's only an hour long.
[56:27] And it's a great documentary.
[56:29] If you like Crumb at all, it's a good documentary.
[56:33] If you like old blues...
[56:34] Who doesn't like Crumb? It's a great movie.
[56:35] It's a good documentary.
[56:36] And also, it shows you how much of Terry Zweigoff
[56:40] is in the character of Steve Buscemi in Ghost World.
[56:43] Because you can see that the guy who made Louie Bluie
[56:45] was basically Steve Buscemi in Ghost World.
[56:48] So I recommend that movie.
[56:51] What is it going to be? Invisible Maniac?
[56:54] I want to recommend a little movie called Magnum Force.
[56:59] It's the second Dirty Harry movie.
[57:01] It's awesome.
[57:03] It's about the condoms.
[57:05] Actually, I like Magnum Force better than the first Dirty Harry.
[57:07] Really?
[57:08] Yeah, I think... I can agree with you.
[57:11] Yeah, Hal Holbrook's really good.
[57:13] It's no Deadpool.
[57:14] In that it's good.
[57:16] Yes.
[57:17] Yeah, Hal Holbrook's really good in it.
[57:20] Academy Award nominee for Into the Wild, Hal Holbrook?
[57:23] Yep.
[57:24] He's really good as a scheming police commissioner, I think.
[57:30] Wow.
[57:31] You really remember this movie well.
[57:33] I remember it. It's totally awesome.
[57:35] He may be playing Mark Twain. I'm not sure.
[57:37] Or Edgar Allan Poe.
[57:39] He may just be playing Mark Taint tonight.
[57:41] Do you call him Mark Taint?
[57:43] Yeah, Mark Taint was his pen name.
[57:45] Mark Twain was Samuel Clements' pen name.
[57:48] And when he wrote pornography, he was Mark Taint.
[57:52] It's a little blue-brow.
[57:54] I guess that's the voice of Americana right there.
[57:57] Yeah, that's folk ways. Folk porn.
[58:01] Fuckleberry Finn.
[58:03] Tom Sawyer-her.
[58:05] No, that's good. Keep it up.
[58:07] These are all...
[58:09] The celebrated jumping frog of Calaver-her-ass county.
[58:11] Connecticut Yankee and King Arthur's cunt.
[58:14] Whoa! Whoa! Hold on.
[58:17] Puddinghead Wilson's vagina.
[58:21] Puddinghead Wilson.
[58:23] You don't have to change that one.
[58:25] Oh, yeah.
[58:27] And roughing it.
[58:31] But that's R-U-F-F.
[58:33] Yeah, because it's about...
[58:35] Muffing it.
[58:37] This is a terrible turn.
[58:39] I should never have brought us down this road.
[58:41] What did you freaking do, dude?
[58:43] What did I do? Housecat, save us.
[58:46] On that literary pornographic note,
[58:48] this has been the Flophouse,
[58:50] and I've been Dan McCoy.
[58:52] I've been Stuart Wellington.
[58:54] I'm ashamed to say I'm Elliot Kalin.
[58:56] Man, all the British people aren't going to listen anymore after that.
[59:06] Testing, testing.
[59:10] The Flophouse housecat is everyone's favorite Flophouse mascot.
[59:15] Flascot, yeah.
[59:17] I was offered $10,000 to sell the rights
[59:19] of the Flophouse housecat
[59:21] to M. Night Shyamalan for the live-action movie.
[59:23] The last housecat?

Description

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme.0:32 - 33:37 - How much air could an airbender bend if an airbender could bend air? The answer is surprisingly dull.33:38- 40:06 - Some highly digressive final judgments40:07 - 54:58 - The Flop House Movie Mailbag54:59 - 58:46 - The sad bastards recommend. 58:47 - 59:26 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

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