The Flop House: Episode #72 - Killers

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we complete our Katherine Heigl trilogy by discussing Killers.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

S2

[0:35] Hey, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Lou Fernandez.

Dan McCoy

[0:38] Yes, Elliot's New Year's resolution was apparently not to consider the fans and what the fans want and their emotions.

[0:49] I thought the fans wanted Lou Fernandez to do a guest spot.

[0:52] Oh, no, the fans do want that. But Elliot, apparently, he didn't care if to fight Lou for his regular slot.

S2

[0:58] He actually didn't respond to my challenge email at all.

Dan McCoy

[1:01] Right. You're sort of like an uva bull.

[1:04] You knew that Elliot had been criticizing you, and so you challenged him to a box of matches.

S2

[1:08] That's right. I did. I challenged him to some fisticuffs. Bare knuckle. I don't believe in that.

[1:13] Just I want it to be real.

Stuart Wellington

[1:15] Yeah, you want to feel their skin on your skin.

S2

[1:18] That's right. And no homo.

Stuart Wellington

[1:20] Let the love begin.

Dan McCoy

[1:21] Now, you fans may remember Lou from... Jesus, why can't I even remember?

[1:27] Alien vs. Predator.

[1:28] Predator 2.

[1:29] AVP Requiem.

[1:30] That's right.

[1:31] He was on this show before.

[1:33] You also may know him from his much more popular than our podcast, podcast, Lou Reads the Internet.

[1:40] For you.

[1:42] And you may recognize his dulcet tones from several advertisements.

S2

[1:48] I did some commercials for Cuisinart and the New York Times.

Dan McCoy

[1:52] Yeah.

[1:53] That's awesome.

[1:53] You can even hear the warmth in his voice.

[1:56] I know.

[1:56] I want to buy a Cuisinart.

S2

[1:58] Right now, I'm feeling like I'm in my place in my voiceover career where I need to go and live on the streets for 10 years.

[2:05] Yes.

[2:05] And be discovered.

Stuart Wellington

[2:07] Topical.

[2:08] Topical.

[2:09] Yeah.

[2:10] Dating our podcast.

Dan McCoy

[2:13] Speaking of living on the streets.

[2:16] Yeah.

[2:16] Oh, no.

[2:18] The killers.

[2:21] It's not really.

[2:21] Okay.

[2:22] Yeah.

[2:23] Okay.

[2:23] I don't understand how Segways work.

[2:24] I'm not sure.

[2:25] Well, you stand on it and then you drive with your hands.

S2

[2:28] No.

[2:29] There's a gyroscope, I understand.

[2:31] Yep.

[2:32] The guy who in the company fell off that cliff.

[2:34] What?

[2:35] The gyrobot?

[2:35] Yeah.

[2:37] No, the owner of the company.

Stuart Wellington

[2:38] Oh, okay.

[2:39] Wait.

[2:40] Gyroscopes?

[2:40] What are we talking about?

[2:41] Yeah, we're talking about Gyromythe.

[2:43] The NES game.

[2:44] Yeah, Gyrobot.

[2:45] The little robot that helps you play the game.

[2:47] Sure.

S2

[2:47] I'm not familiar with this.

Stuart Wellington

[2:49] Yeah, it was that old Nintendo game.

Dan McCoy

[2:50] The original Nintendo system came not only with the blaster, but also with a robot that had

[2:56] a gyroscope in it.

[2:58] It was an additional peripheral.

Stuart Wellington

[2:59] Maybe two games were made.

[3:01] And Gyromythe was one of those two games.

S2

[3:04] So that's a Nintendo history.

[3:05] I really, I feel like I need to see this now.

[3:07] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:08] Just a YouTube.

S2

[3:08] I'm not going to look at it right now.

[3:10] You're going to.

[3:11] Yeah, I mean, I hope not.

[3:12] Please remind me about that.

Dan McCoy

[3:12] You're like a computer guy, too.

[3:14] Like a techie?

Stuart Wellington

[3:17] I have a computer.

[3:18] Like a tech freak?

[3:19] Mm-hmm.

[3:19] A Gleek?

Dan McCoy

[3:21] Do you want to join a television program Glee?

S2

[3:24] No, yes, no.

Dan McCoy

[3:25] But Lou does a series of videos called Mac Tips.

S2

[3:28] I also have a series of videos where I give unhelpful, not incorrect, but just unhelpful

[3:34] and retarded sounding Mac advice.

Stuart Wellington

[3:36] Yeah.

[3:37] Is that about the TV show Glee 2?

[3:39] Yes.

[3:40] Yeah.

[3:41] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[3:42] It's called Gleek Tips.

[3:45] Which is actually the very end of a Gleek's penis.

[3:49] Is a Gleek Tip.

[3:52] Whoa.

[3:53] Yep.

[3:54] Elliot's not here, so I can break out Blue Dan.

[3:58] Blue Dan is here.

[3:59] Yeah.

[4:00] Nice.

[4:01] We watched a movie called Killers.

[4:03] Sure.

[4:04] The Killers?

[4:05] Not The Killers, no.

[4:06] Is this the one where Chow Yun-Fat gets his eyeballs shot out?

S2

[4:08] And it's also not a black and white film noir movie.

Dan McCoy

[4:12] It's not The Killing.

[4:13] No.

[4:14] The Kubrick film.

[4:16] Wait, was that The Kubrick film?

[4:18] I don't even know.

[4:19] I don't know.

[4:20] Elliot's not here.

[4:20] That does sound.

[4:21] Yeah.

[4:21] The Killing and The Kubrick, there was an old The Killers.

[4:24] The Killers.

[4:25] Boring.

[4:26] Let's get into the movie, guys.

S2

[4:27] It was used in Dead Men Don't Wear Plane, I believe.

[4:30] They used some of that footage in there.

Dan McCoy

[4:31] What?

[4:32] Yeah, this is a movie with Ashton Kutcher and Heigl.

[4:39] Yeah, pronounce it.

Stuart Wellington

[4:40] Heigl.

[4:41] Man, she is like an all-star.

[4:43] I think this is, we've done more Katherine Heigl vehicles than any other actress.

Dan McCoy

[4:47] Yeah.

[4:47] She's the female Gerard Butler, which I guess makes the awful truth.

[4:53] The awful truth?

[4:54] No, that's the Cary Grant movie.

[4:55] The Ugly Truth.

[4:57] So, from my understanding, this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[4:59] I guess by default.

[5:01] This movie, The Killers, takes place, you know, shortly after the end of The Ugly Truth.

[5:09] Right.

[5:10] When Katherine Heigl's dating Gerard Butler and they totally break up because he's a jerk.

[5:15] You know, because she's not spontaneous enough.

[5:17] I mean, what a bitch, this one.

[5:18] He's a Neanderthal.

[5:20] Yeah.

[5:22] Well, he's so masculine.

[5:24] I didn't see this movie.

[5:24] He's so masculine.

[5:25] But, so, is he a killer in that movie, too?

[5:28] He's kind of like Wolverine in the X-Men.

[5:32] Speaking of which, I was on the street today, guys.

[5:35] Wow.

[5:35] Nice to meet you.

[5:37] Okay, sure.

[5:38] And there was this awesome, I passed a minivan that had the license plate that said Wolverine.

[5:44] A miniature van?

[5:45] Yeah, a minivan.

[5:45] Oh, wow.

[5:46] And the license plate said Wolverine, but instead of an I, it was a one.

[5:52] Wow.

[5:52] So that means someone has Wolverine.

S2

[5:54] It's a really badass minivan, right?

[5:55] Someone has Wolverine.

Dan McCoy

[5:57] That just means it's a...

[5:58] Yeah.

[5:59] Someone kidnapped Wolverine?

[6:00] No, no, no.

S2

[6:00] Someone actually has the whole word.

[6:02] They had to replace the one.

[6:04] Oh, I see.

[6:05] Or maybe they're just...

[6:06] Who is that?

Stuart Wellington

[6:06] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[6:07] But it was...

[6:08] I like to think that, you know, that Wolverine would ride around in a badass minivan.

[6:13] Oh, let's go back to the movie.

[6:15] I'm sorry for that.

[6:16] Yeah, it's a movie...

[6:18] So it's the sequel to The Ugly Truth, is what you're saying.

[6:21] I think you said that.

[6:22] All right, okay.

[6:24] And they're broken, and Katherine Heigl just got dumped, and she goes to...

[6:29] She's on a trip with her parents.

[6:30] To Nice...

[6:31] Nice.

[6:32] Nice.

[6:32] Nice, okay.

[6:33] Nice, France.

Dan McCoy

[6:34] Nice, France.

[6:34] Mm-hmm.

[6:35] With her folks.

[6:36] Her folks, Tom Selleck and Katherine O'Hara.

S2

[6:38] But she doesn't want anyone to know that she's there with her parents.

[6:40] Where would I know them from?

Dan McCoy

[6:41] You may know Tom Selleck from the popular detective show, Magnum P.I.

[6:49] Oh, okay.

S2

[6:50] And currently Blue Blood, is that right?

Dan McCoy

[6:52] He's in the Blue Bloods program, which I don't know whether it's still on the air or not.

[6:57] Is that like True Bloods?

[6:58] Except Vampire Cops.

[7:00] Yeah.

[7:01] I'll watch it.

[7:01] A Dynasty of Vampire Cops.

Stuart Wellington

[7:03] I'll watch anything with vampires in it.

Dan McCoy

[7:05] And you may know Miss Katherine O'Hara from SCTV, the Canadian sketch show.

[7:11] Or...

[7:12] A Mighty Wind.

[7:12] ...the mom in Home Alone.

[7:15] Very popular film.

[7:17] Nope.

[7:17] I'm glad to believe it.

[7:18] But she's also in all of those...

[7:20] Christopher Guest films.

[7:21] Christopher Guest films.

[7:22] Mighty Wind.

[7:23] She's still the improvises.

[7:25] She's a red-headed lady.

[7:26] Have you seen A Mighty Wind?

[7:27] We just saw her in Killers.

[7:32] Yeah.

[7:32] You have seen her.

[7:33] She exists.

[7:34] We've all experienced her presence.

Stuart Wellington

[7:36] Maybe she's just in other movies that I've seen.

[7:39] Maybe I'm just not watching the right movies.

[7:40] Did watch the movie with her in it just now.

[7:42] Home Alone.

Dan McCoy

[7:44] Home of what?

[7:46] Okay.

[7:46] So...

[7:47] No homo.

[7:47] They're...

[7:48] Second time.

[7:52] They're...

[7:52] Yeah.

[7:54] They're all going on a vacation together.

[7:56] Okay.

[7:56] Denise.

[7:59] Catherine Heigl is getting over a breakup.

[8:02] And I guess that's why her parents are taking her to Denise.

[8:04] I guess that's what's happening.

[8:05] Even though she is a...

S2

[8:07] Oftentimes it's an American ritual when someone breaks up their parents take them on an expensive

[8:11] vacation to Europe.

[8:12] Right.

Dan McCoy

[8:13] For all our international listeners.

[8:15] Yeah.

[8:15] To explain that to them.

S2

[8:17] He had...

[8:17] The father had some business there.

[8:19] Right.

Dan McCoy

[8:20] And Catherine Heigl is astounded when she comes face to face with a nearly nude astronaut.

[8:26] Ashton Kutcher in the elevator.

[8:29] And by nearly...

[8:30] She's older.

[8:30] Of the hotel.

[8:31] Yeah.

[8:31] He was wearing a bathing suit.

S2

[8:33] That's not the first time we're introduced to him.

Dan McCoy

[8:36] Really?

[8:36] Is it?

S2

[8:38] Don't we see him plant the bomb before then?

[8:40] All right.

[8:40] We see him...

[8:40] Spoiler alert.

Dan McCoy

[8:41] We see him planting...

[8:42] A bomb is planted.

[8:43] Yeah.

[8:43] It's all spoilers.

[8:44] Nobody's going to watch this.

[8:45] Catherine Heigl...

[8:46] You know...

[8:47] You can see...

[8:48] You can see her panties moistening visibly as she...

[8:52] Not literally.

[8:53] There's not actually a close-up of cloth dampening.

[8:56] This is an R-rated film.

S2

[8:59] Not...

[9:00] Not even.

Stuart Wellington

[9:02] Well, I mean...

[9:03] You could show that in an R-rated film.

[9:05] You just can't show, like, lips, right?

S2

[9:08] Well, you would have to show lips and then have sort of a moisture meter go up the screen

[9:11] like...

[9:12] You can't really see it.

[9:14] Like in a video...

[9:14] You can't really see it.

Dan McCoy

[9:15] Like Scott Pilgrim in the lead film.

[9:16] Yeah.

[9:17] All movies will be like this in the future.

[9:19] For sure.

[9:19] She falls for him immediately and the two of them...

Stuart Wellington

[9:23] Was this movie supposed to be in 3D?

[9:27] Okay.

[9:27] Because I thought maybe it was supposed to be in 3D and I was missing something.

Dan McCoy

[9:31] The two of them fall in love.

[9:32] Stuart, take it.

Stuart Wellington

[9:33] I'm here.

[9:33] Okay.

[9:33] So they fall in love.

[9:35] Martin Mull shows up and I'm like, why isn't he being funny?

[9:38] And you guys are like, I don't think he's in a comedy.

[9:41] And I'm like, okay.

[9:42] Martin Mull's hanging out with Ashton Kutcher and he's like, yo, you got to keep killing

[9:46] these people.

[9:46] And Ashton Kutcher's like, I don't know.

[9:48] I don't know if I was supposed to kill that last guy.

[9:50] I'm out of here.

[9:50] I love Katherine Heigl.

[9:52] And Martin Mull's like, oh, you'll regret this dude.

[9:54] And then Martin Mull...

[9:56] Wait.

[9:57] Slow down.

[9:59] Put on the brakes.

S2

[10:00] Wait a minute.

[10:01] Wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[10:02] I mean, the movie is...

[10:03] Fast forward like a million years.

S2

[10:05] They're married again.

[10:06] He asks.

[10:07] He asks for her hand in marriage.

[10:09] I don't even remember that.

[10:10] Well, they're shooting discs.

[10:11] Oh, they're doing discs?

[10:12] They're shooting discus.

[10:13] No, not discus.

[10:14] They're not having a Greco-Roman challenge.

[10:17] They're shooting skeet.

[10:19] Skeet shooting.

[10:20] Okay.

[10:20] Clay pigeons.

[10:21] Doesn't matter.

[10:21] I lost it.

[10:22] Anyway.

[10:22] What else happened?

[10:24] There's an explosion, right?

[10:27] In her heart?

[10:28] Like an explosion of love?

[10:29] Ashton Kutcher does actually murder a helicopter pilot.

[10:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:34] Well, it's not for this.

[10:35] That's how you know that he is a killer.

[10:36] That's how you know he's our hero.

S2

[10:37] He's our hero because he's a killer of people of darker skin who happen to be employed by the helicopter company.

Stuart Wellington

[10:46] Okay.

[10:47] So they're in love.

[10:49] He asks, I guess, to marry her.

[10:53] Tom Selleck, her dad, is like, oh, kind of tough.

[10:56] You know, he's kind of a stern.

[10:58] There's something there.

Dan McCoy

[10:59] There's something going on between them, but we're not sure yet.

Stuart Wellington

[11:02] It's that sly mustache smile of his.

[11:05] A lot of dimples on that guy.

S2

[11:08] Is it sexual tension?

[11:09] Are they?

[11:09] Probably.

[11:10] Is it anger?

[11:11] Probably.

[11:11] They're both hunks.

[11:13] Sure.

[11:14] They're burning up the screen.

Stuart Wellington

[11:16] Yeah.

[11:16] I mean, Tom Selleck's still pretty hunky.

S2

[11:18] Women still think Tom Selleck is cruel, is hot, even though he's like an octogenarian.

[11:23] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[11:25] So then they do a fast forward, right?

[11:28] They do three years later.

[11:29] Three years later.

[11:30] Like the Bratz movie.

[11:31] Three years later.

[11:31] Time jumpers.

[11:32] Time jumpers.

[11:32] There, and we're living in suburbia.

[11:35] Ashton Kutcher is now.

Dan McCoy

[11:37] Arcade Fire is singing about it.

Stuart Wellington

[11:39] Apparently.

[11:41] Don't get that reference.

[11:43] I don't know who the Arcade Fire is.

[11:45] I understand my music.

S2

[11:45] Ashton Kutcher is now a architect or maybe a construction manager.

[11:50] He got his architecture license?

Dan McCoy

[11:52] Yeah, I guess he.

[11:53] He has some sort of job doing buildings.

[11:55] He used that three years wisely.

[11:57] And architecture masters would fit right into that.

[11:59] That's true.

[12:00] We would know that, wouldn't we?

Stuart Wellington

[12:02] He immediately started the program when he got back from Nice.

[12:06] And now he's a successful architect.

[12:09] Kevin Heigl's kind of irritating.

[12:11] And they plan a birthday party or something.

[12:15] I lost it again.

[12:16] What happened?

[12:17] Ashton Kutcher.

[12:18] This was the part where we had to.

S2

[12:19] Architecture school.

[12:20] But he has a run-in with the dean.

[12:22] I'm sorry.

[12:23] This is a movie.

[12:23] No, it's a different film.

[12:24] No, it's a different film.

Stuart Wellington

[12:25] Because this is where we had to stop the movie and you had to explain it to me again.

S2

[12:28] Yeah, we had to stop the movie three times to discuss what was happening.

Dan McCoy

[12:33] At this point in the film, Ashton Kutcher is having this birthday party.

[12:40] Rob Riggle of TV's The Daily Show falls asleep on the couch.

[12:43] The Upright Citizen Brigade.

[12:44] He's a friend of Ashton's from the architecture firm.

[12:50] He's very crass.

[12:51] It's nice that Elliot's not here to hear us say anything about his Daily Show colleagues or his former Daily Show colleagues.

[12:57] Although Rob Riggle, perfectly funny with the material that he's given.

[13:01] He was not terrible in the movie.

[13:04] Maybe typecast.

[13:06] It turns out that Rob Riggle is an assassin there to kill Ashton Kutcher.

[13:12] Not a friend at all.

[13:13] But it takes a shocking amount of time.

[13:15] You jump 45 minutes forward in the movie.

[13:16] This is what happens.

[13:18] He falls asleep on the couch at his party.

[13:22] At the party.

S2

[13:22] But before that, we find out that he gets contacted by his former boss.

Stuart Wellington

[13:27] It's a lot of subtle interaction that you're missing out on.

[13:30] Yeah.

[13:31] Like Kath and Heigl worrying about their relationship and kind of being a bitch about it.

S2

[13:37] Yeah, there's a lot of that going on.

[13:38] Then he gets the package in the mail.

[13:40] She's over snacking.

[13:42] All right.

Dan McCoy

[13:43] I'm just trying to get the fucking basics of the plot out of the way, guys.

[13:48] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[13:48] So Elliot would have done it three times.

[13:51] So it turns out that Rob Riggle is trying to kill him because there's a big bounty on his head.

[13:56] $20 million.

[13:57] They drive around and shoot each other.

[13:59] Rob Riggle dies.

[14:01] He doesn't just die.

S2

[14:03] His car gets flipped over onto some rebar.

[14:06] Okay.

[14:06] And it all goes through the car spearing him.

[14:08] Nice.

[14:09] I'm sorry to ask you.

[14:10] You were out of the room.

Stuart Wellington

[14:11] It was very exciting.

[14:12] Spearing assassin seems to be a theme.

[14:15] Sure.

[14:16] Later on, they go to his office or something.

[14:20] And his secretary turns out to also be an assassin.

[14:23] They battle for a little while.

Dan McCoy

[14:25] She then gets speared by a bunch of deer antlers.

[14:27] Yeah.

[14:28] But that's jumping ahead.

[14:29] Meanwhile, because of the Rob Riggle fight, Katherine Heigl has learned that her husband is an assassin.

[14:36] Oh, yeah.

[14:37] He's like, but you know, I walked away from it because I love you and I'm not an assassin.

[14:41] We're forgetting that.

S2

[14:43] Got to go back to his boss.

[14:45] His boss contacts him.

[14:47] His former boss, Martin Mull, tells him to meet him at a hotel.

[14:51] Not a copy.

[14:51] And they go to the hotel and he's dead.

[14:54] And they take his computer.

[14:56] Or are they looking at Rob Riggle's computer?

[14:57] This is where I was confused.

[14:58] They look at Rob Riggle's computer.

[14:59] They look at the computer.

[15:00] He has the pictures.

[15:02] The next person who's supposed to get hit is Katherine Heigl's dad.

[15:07] Or he's in the pictures.

[15:08] Right.

[15:09] He's in the pictures.

[15:09] He's involved.

[15:10] See, this is my...

Dan McCoy

[15:13] You're just confusing the issue.

[15:15] You're right.

[15:16] I'm sorry.

[15:16] So there were multiple attempts on his life.

[15:18] There were multiple attempts on his life.

[15:19] It caused some relationship stress.

S2

[15:22] She just has had the curtain lifted.

[15:25] She had no idea.

[15:26] She's still coming to grips with it.

Dan McCoy

[15:28] The whole town is trying to kill them all of a sudden.

[15:30] It turns out, yeah.

[15:31] Because there's a $20 million bounty on their head, as we have established.

[15:35] And then at the end, holy shit, what happens?

[15:38] Tom Selleck.

[15:40] You look like you really don't remember.

[15:42] Wait, what?

[15:43] Tom Selleck has been involved from the very beginning.

[15:45] What are you talking about?

[15:46] Well, it turns out that Ashton Kutcher had been hired by corrupt Martin Mull to kill Tom Selleck and Nice.

[15:55] So he's not a bad guy?

[15:57] He might be.

[15:59] Ashton Kutcher's not a bad guy?

Stuart Wellington

[16:00] No, I mean, I'm assuming he's not.

[16:02] He's our hero.

Dan McCoy

[16:03] Tom Selleck apparently worked for the U.S. government.

[16:07] And Ashton Kutcher thought he was working for the U.S. government.

[16:09] But at that point, Martin Mull had gone corrupt.

[16:12] So it was lucky.

[16:13] Broken Arrow.

[16:14] It's called Broken Arrow, guys.

[16:15] It was lucky that Ashton Kutcher walked away when he did because of love.

[16:20] And so Tom Selleck is still alive now.

[16:23] But because Tom Selleck knew that Ashton Kutcher was an assassin who had been sent to kill him, what does he do?

[16:32] He still allows Ashton Kutcher to marry his daughter.

Stuart Wellington

[16:36] Well, he's –

S2

[16:37] Especially when he finds out that she's going to have a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[16:40] Yeah, he's going to give her strong children.

[16:43] Right.

S2

[16:45] He's got a thirst for blood.

[16:46] So he passed the genetics test.

[16:49] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:49] But he lets him marry his daughter.

[16:52] But he does go to the precaution of planting several sleeper agents in the town.

[16:58] About a dozen.

S2

[16:59] Who might be willing to then, when the final bounty is announced, kill their friend that they've killed.

Stuart Wellington

[17:05] Did they get paid for that?

[17:07] Well, he didn't get killed.

[17:09] But why would they get – wait.

[17:11] The killer – no one killed him.

[17:12] Yeah.

[17:13] You mean they were on the –

[17:14] It was cash on delivery of the dead body.

[17:15] No, I'm wondering about the sleeper agents.

Dan McCoy

[17:17] Were they – did they have jobs?

[17:18] Oh, you're saying –

[17:19] Were they being paid by –

[17:20] By Tom Selleck over the years.

[17:22] The three years.

[17:23] That's a good question.

S2

[17:25] What's the economics of this story?

[17:26] Well, look.

[17:27] He's like, there's going to be a big bounty.

[17:28] You guys have to relocate to this area because this is a three-year –

[17:31] There's going to be a bounty.

[17:32] A three-year hit.

Stuart Wellington

[17:33] He's going to architecture school, so you also have to go get your architecture's degree.

[17:39] That's an architect – wait.

[17:40] Is it a degree or a –

[17:42] Let me just finish.

[17:43] Okay.

[17:44] It's a printout.

Dan McCoy

[17:45] So Tom Selleck –

[17:47] You go to secretary school.

[17:49] Tom Selleck triggered these people.

S2

[17:52] He sees the note from Martin Mull and sees – and thinks that now Ashton Kutcher is back in the game.

[17:58] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:59] So –

[17:59] So he gives the green light to kill him.

[18:01] It didn't really bother him with the attempted murder before, but now –

[18:05] Fair is fair.

[18:06] You know, fool me once.

[18:07] Yeah.

[18:07] But Martin Mull – once he thinks Martin Mull is back in the game with Ashton Kutcher, you know, he's like – you know, he released the hounds.

[18:15] And everyone in town is trying to kill him.

S2

[18:17] Wipe them out, all of them.

[18:18] Let loose the unlikely murderers.

Dan McCoy

[18:21] But then at the end of the story –

[18:22] Like Alex Borstein.

[18:23] Catherine Heigl announces that she's pregnant, which makes Tom Selleck sit back and take a moment and be like –

[18:31] Which explains her incessant snacking.

[18:33] Yeah.

[18:33] Maybe this all was just a mistake and Tom Selleck and Ashton Kutcher.

[18:39] And mistake.

[18:39] And Catherine Heigl and Catherine O'Hara lived together happily ever after even though the father-in-law and the son tried to kill each other.

[18:51] So –

[18:52] Okay.

[18:52] So it's weird.

[18:53] But then there's a time dash and there's a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[18:55] And there's a lot of people dead at the end of the movie.

S2

Dan McCoy

[18:57] At the very end of the movie, the final scene –

[18:58] A whole town full of people.

[19:00] Yeah, basically.

[19:00] And no law enforcement repercussions.

S2

[19:03] Well, there's another time dash where now we're at least nine months later and the baby is now a real baby.

[19:09] It's not just a zygote which could be aborted and wouldn't be a person and we wouldn't have to have an argument about abortion.

[19:14] Okay.

[19:15] Interesting.

[19:16] But anyways, the baby is real and that you see him – they look like they're working on a bomb.

[19:21] But it's really part of an elaborate laser defense system for the baby's room.

[19:25] Yep.

[19:26] Because he is a spy after all.

[19:28] And this is the first time we see any spy gadgetry.

Dan McCoy

[19:30] Yeah, at the very – the last minute of the film.

S2

[19:34] Where you see that he really is a spy.

[19:36] So –

Stuart Wellington

[19:36] He's only furrier.

S2

[19:40] So –

[19:40] Here's my problem.

[19:41] What was that nipple joke?

[19:42] The Bavarian forest chest hair gag.

Stuart Wellington

[19:47] No, it was –

[19:47] It was a throwaway line.

[19:48] Catherine O'Hara is pretty – okay.

[19:52] So we're talking about a comedy, okay?

[19:53] Right.

[19:54] So how does it work on that level, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[19:57] Well, I think that what you're going to say is that Catherine O'Hara is funny.

[20:03] She's playing like an alcoholic mom who – no one quite notices as an alcoholic, but she's clearly drunk in every scene.

Stuart Wellington

[20:10] I'm assuming if I've seen her in other movies, she probably plays a similar character or could.

[20:14] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[20:15] She has a good range.

[20:16] Okay.

[20:16] Good range.

[20:17] Okay.

[20:17] Tom Selleck is charming as he always is.

[20:21] That's sure.

[20:21] He's just a very likable guy.

[20:23] I was thinking in the movie, hey, you know what would be good?

[20:26] Why don't we make a movie about Catherine O'Hara and Tom Selleck as a spy family?

[20:31] Forget about these fucking youngsters.

[20:33] Sure, sure.

[20:34] Because Kutcher and Heigl –

S2

[20:36] Well, they have chemistry that just comes right off the screen.

[20:40] Oh, it ignites the screen.

[20:41] Burns your face.

[20:42] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[20:44] You're like, ow, my face.

[20:45] Why did I win killers?

[20:47] It's a chemical burn.

[20:49] You got to get baking soda.

[20:51] Yep, yep, yep.

[20:52] You can't do a water because that will just spread it around.

[20:55] Your whole body will start burning.

[20:57] It's terrible.

[20:58] So, Burns.

Stuart Wellington

[20:59] So, they –

[21:01] You're pretending it's a burn cat.

[21:03] So, burn notice.

[21:06] First rule of being a spy is kill your father-in-law.

Dan McCoy

[21:09] If you've got to kill your father-in-law, you've got to have some masking tape.

[21:14] That's pretty –

[21:14] Wow, that's pretty specific.

[21:16] Yeah, that's pretty good.

[21:16] You go up and then you go back down.

[21:18] Oh.

[21:19] It's the Michael Weston it's called in the biz.

[21:21] Sure.

[21:21] So, what was I going to say about this?

S2

[21:24] Oh, you were saying that originally we were sort of complimenting the movie at one point

[21:29] because it does have the spirit of a 60s spy sort of comedy romp, maybe like charade or like –

Dan McCoy

[21:37] Yeah, the first like 15, 20 minutes I'm like, okay, this isn't good.

[21:41] But I could see myself kind of enjoying this.

[21:43] I mean, they're in Nice.

[21:44] So, it's got like the foreign –

[21:47] Right.

[21:47] They do – like they introduce Catherine O'Hara and Tom Selleck.

[21:51] I'm like, oh, this is nice.

[21:52] I like these actors.

[21:53] They have a like Dr. No inspired pop art credit sequence and –

[21:58] Driving along.

[21:59] It's all zippy.

S2

[21:59] And then they leave France.

[22:00] Cliffside roads.

[22:01] And they never come back.

[22:02] But that's what I was going to say that after the three-year time dash after they've gotten

[22:05] married, there's the whole thing of – she's like, I got us tickets to go to a cruise to Nice.

[22:10] And he's like, I can't go back.

Dan McCoy

[22:13] Oh, yeah.

S2

[22:13] And up until then, there's never an explanation of why he can't go back.

[22:18] She's like – because I – maybe it could be because he blew up a helicopter there.

[22:22] Maybe.

[22:23] He's wanted by the authorities.

[22:24] When you do that, the family of the helicopter pilot is still looking for him.

Dan McCoy

[22:28] He's called Monsieur Le Helicopter Explodeau in France and there's a wanted –

[22:34] They don't have words for that.

Stuart Wellington

[22:35] Well, French children are put to sleep by horror stories told by their nanas about a horrible

[22:44] man who climbs onto your yacht and blows up your helicopter.

S2

[22:47] Helicopter sales went down tremendously in their –

Stuart Wellington

[22:50] Nice tourism plummeted.

[22:51] Sure.

[22:52] Yeah.

[22:53] You don't want to go there and get your helicopter exploded.

[22:55] No.

[22:56] So let's talk about the chemistry between our two leads, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[23:02] What do you think about – what do you think about Katherine Heigl?

Stuart Wellington

[23:05] A lot of the comedy rests on her shoulders, which are more than ample to the task, don't you believe?

Dan McCoy

[23:14] I feel like Katherine Heigl has made a career of playing brittle and shrill in a series of films.

[23:20] She is unlikable.

S2

[23:22] Yeah.

[23:22] All the time in this movie.

[23:23] I have to say I liked her hair, which sounds odd.

[23:26] Odd.

[23:27] But I did – I like –

[23:29] I mean, was her hair funny in any way?

[23:31] No.

[23:31] I just appreciated it on her head.

Dan McCoy

[23:34] It complimented her appearance.

[23:36] I mean, I'll go so far as to say I disliked her less than in the other Flophouse movies we've seen her in, in this movie.

[23:44] It's very kind of you.

[23:46] Her period of brittle shrillness was shorter in this film.

[23:50] It was mainly when she was upset about him being a spy.

[23:55] For sure.

[23:55] Which was like 45 minutes of the movie.

[23:58] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[23:58] But still, not all of it.

[24:00] Yeah.

[24:01] So that's a plus.

[24:03] Ashen Kutcher.

[24:06] Is he a believable action star?

[24:09] He's got tremendous abs.

[24:11] Yeah, he does.

[24:14] That's basically – I was just trying to get you to say it first.

[24:16] Sure.

[24:17] I mean, I didn't want to, you know – I didn't want people to get as weird.

[24:20] You learned a sound file of me saying he's got tremendous abs.

[24:23] Well, he does have tremendous abs.

[24:24] The guy, he works on his solo flex.

Dan McCoy

[24:29] That's a flex that you can do alone.

[24:31] Is that right?

Stuart Wellington

[24:32] Yeah, you're getting thought off the internet.

Dan McCoy

[24:33] Oh, man.

[24:36] Yeah, but he's fine whenever he's supposed to be just like doing light comedy.

[24:42] Like not actually delivering jokes but just being like, oh, I'm the charming guy.

[24:47] But anytime he has to show any sort of emotion.

[24:49] Right.

S2

[24:50] Well, there's also like the – it's the comedy but there's that serious scene in the cemetery where he's like, I'm getting out.

[24:57] Where just – he just falls apart whenever he tries to get serious.

Stuart Wellington

[25:01] And one of the things I think you pointed out was how the opening of the movie, they kind of – you know, they show Katherine Heigl and Ashton Kutcher getting together.

[25:10] But they don't – I mean they don't really have that much chemistry.

[25:12] There's not that much spark.

[25:14] And then they have to like – so they show that sequence.

[25:17] Yeah.

[25:17] And then they jump forward three years and they don't really show you their married life that much.

Dan McCoy

[25:23] We have no idea who they're supposed to be as a couple.

[25:26] So the big shakeup in their life doesn't – there's nothing to play off of there.

Stuart Wellington

[25:31] And most of their married life consists of them referencing their meeting in the beginning of the movie.

[25:38] Yeah.

S2

[25:38] And her relationship with her parents.

[25:41] We know nothing about his family in any way.

[25:44] Mm-hmm.

[25:44] But he probably was chosen to be a killer because he has no family and no ties so that if he's found –

[25:49] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[25:50] We do know that Katherine Heigl is friends with Casey Wilson, co-writer of Bride Wars.

[25:58] Former SNL cast member.

[26:00] Yeah.

[26:00] So there's that.

[26:01] Former, huh?

[26:02] Yeah.

[26:04] The whims and ways of –

[26:06] Lorne Michaels.

Stuart Wellington

[26:07] Lorne Michaels.

[26:08] Okay.

[26:08] Well, Bride Wars was not that good of a movie.

[26:12] This one –

[26:13] Two strikes.

Dan McCoy

[26:14] I don't think Lorne Michaels got rid of her because of that.

[26:17] I think that –

[26:17] Oh, okay.

[26:18] Happened beforehand.

Stuart Wellington

[26:19] Okay.

[26:20] So, yeah, we don't really know that much about him.

[26:23] So the shakeup doesn't really matter.

[26:25] I mean it's impossible not to compare this movie to other like spies –

[26:31] like disguise spies as suburban couples.

[26:34] I think someone mentioned Hot Fuzz where like suddenly everyone is an assassin.

[26:38] Yep.

S2

[26:39] True Lies.

[26:40] True Lies.

[26:41] It had moments of True Lies.

Stuart Wellington

[26:44] And Mr. and Mrs. Smith.

[26:47] So, I mean there's –

[26:49] Classic.

[26:51] Sure.

[26:51] X versus Sever.

[26:54] I mean I'm not saying –

[26:55] Movies where women and men are injured each other.

[26:57] I'm not going to say Mr. and Mrs. Smith is a good movie but the same –

[27:00] It's the same fucking thing.

[27:01] It's like a globetrotting assassin is disguised as a suburban housewife or something.

[27:05] Well, it's a much better movie than this movie is.

[27:08] But that's, once again, all because of the chemistry.

S2

[27:10] It was also directed, as you said, you said it was directed very flatly.

[27:13] There's nothing ever visually exciting happening.

[27:16] Except for her hair.

[27:17] The scene with – yeah, well.

[27:19] I mean it's just –

[27:19] That's not the director.

[27:20] That's the stylist.

[27:21] It's a spy movie.

[27:22] It cries out for like crazy stuff.

[27:25] There's only one real fight scene, right?

[27:27] With Rob Riggle.

[27:28] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:29] Which –

Stuart Wellington

[27:30] There's a brief fight scene where Ashley Kutcher gets in a fist fight with a young – a petite woman.

[27:36] Which ends with her being stabbed by antlers.

[27:39] That was – why were the antlers up?

[27:42] They mentioned it earlier as being silly or ugly.

Dan McCoy

[27:47] That was his decorating choice.

[27:50] Oh.

[27:50] To make a place look like a woman.

S2

[27:51] It's too bad he wasn't killed by that.

[27:52] That would be poetic justice.

[27:54] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[27:54] Hoisted by his own batard.

S2

[27:56] Some random shit.

[27:58] I would have liked to hear the detail that he had actually killed all the deer to make that antler chandelier.

[28:03] Because it was at least 50 antlers.

Dan McCoy

[28:05] Well, speaking of the fact that everyone turned into an assassin in the movie.

[28:10] Now, we were taught like –

[28:11] At least 50% were women.

[28:13] Eventually, this made sense.

[28:15] But we were talking – sort of.

[28:17] Okay.

[28:18] Eventually, this didn't make sense in a different way.

[28:22] Okay.

[28:23] Okay.

[28:23] Originally, this idea didn't make sense because we were all like, okay, so these people have been living with them for three years in their lives, like playing these parts.

[28:34] In case.

[28:35] In case there's going to be a bounty on them.

[28:39] And then all of a sudden when there is a bounty on them, they all come up to them and make their presence known and act like they normally do, only a little more sinister.

[28:48] Yeah.

[28:48] Like, hey, you want to sign for this delivery, chief?

S2

[28:51] Yeah, like the mailman menacingly throws the –

[28:52] Delivery of bullets.

[28:54] Yeah, yeah.

[28:55] Instead of just –

[28:56] Come over to the other side of the van where I can shoot you better.

Dan McCoy

[28:59] Right.

[28:59] Yep.

[28:59] Instead of just easily walking up to them because they're all friends and quickly putting a bullet in their brain.

Stuart Wellington

[29:03] Hey, guy, you want a pizza pie?

[29:05] Nope, it's a circular saw blade.

[29:08] Hey, I wasn't expecting a pizza pie.

[29:10] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[29:10] Or sharpen them from cover.

[29:12] They could just – you know, they live in a town with a lot of pie building.

S2

[29:15] You could be like, hey, what's up?

[29:16] Boom.

[29:17] Poison.

Dan McCoy

[29:18] Yeah.

S2

[29:18] I'm going to go out in the street and prove that this is possible right now.

Dan McCoy

[29:21] So none of that made any sense.

[29:22] Until it's revealed at the end that there were sleeper agents, Tom Selleck's sleeper agents.

[29:29] But then this doesn't make sense in another way, which we've already pointed out.

[29:33] Like, have they been getting paid this whole time?

[29:36] Like, why did Tom Selleck –

[29:37] They might have been sleeping the whole time.

[29:39] Why did Tom Selleck just be like, oh, I'm going to have assassins hang out around you rather than not let you marry my daughter.

S2

[29:46] How did they get past, like, you know, the interviews for the neighborhood, like getting their realtors and stuff like that?

[29:53] That's a really insanely detailed plot for Tom Selleck to have crafted in Nice when he's on vacation.

Dan McCoy

[29:59] Were half of these houses lying fallow?

[30:02] Like, people not living in these houses?

[30:04] So just so, like, assassins were ready to move in.

[30:06] It's a dead-end neighborhood.

[30:08] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[30:09] These are all questions that are not –

[30:10] And the assassins kind of reinvigorated this community.

[30:13] Now that they're all dead, like, what's going to happen?

S2

[30:15] The assassins have a vibrant –

[30:16] The convenience store is going to have to close.

[30:19] Half the town's architecture firm is dead.

Stuart Wellington

[30:21] Yeah.

[30:21] All the guns and bullet stores are going to go out of business.

[30:25] Who is using all these guns and bullets?

S2

[30:27] I mean, I'm not complaining.

[30:29] I mean, we're doing better than we ever did.

[30:30] Our second economic boom has been fueled entirely by guns and ammo.

[30:34] In the downturn, everyone buys ammo, which is a matter of fact.

[30:38] Teep hard ears.

[30:39] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:39] This is buying all the ammo.

[30:41] Topical.

[30:42] Anyway, thanks for dating this podcast, dork.

[30:47] So – but ultimately, we discover, as we alluded to before, that we have been meant to care for this entire movie about a fight between two people who are supposed to both be our heroes.

[31:04] Oh, right, right, right.

[31:04] Like, Tom Selleck and Ashton Kutcher.

[31:07] Like, their rivalry or whatever has been going on is, like, at the heart of everything that's happened in this film, basically.

[31:14] And they're both good guys.

[31:16] And they're both members of the same family.

[31:20] So Tom Selleck shouldn't be trying to kill Ashton Kutcher.

[31:24] And at the end, a bunch of people got killed because of this feud.

[31:29] And that's the movie that we saw.

[31:32] They just love their family.

Stuart Wellington

[31:33] If I learn one thing from reality TV show interviews with people, they just love their family, man.

[31:38] That's what matters.

Dan McCoy

[31:39] Family.

[31:40] That's all that matters.

[31:41] Mm-hmm.

[31:42] And our lord.

Stuart Wellington

[31:43] Yeah.

[31:44] And children are our future.

[31:46] And children are the corn.

[31:48] Like, they're child spy.

[31:50] Kid spy.

[31:51] Children of the lesser god.

[31:52] Killers 2.

S2

[31:54] God, can you hear me?

[31:55] It's Margaret.

[31:57] I was going to say that when it's revealed that they're sleeper agents by Tom Selleck, the whole scene of him being like, Tom Selleck somehow, for no reason, recognizes Ashton Kutcher in the flashback as the assassin.

[32:11] That's why he didn't get on the helicopter.

[32:13] Yeah, they showed us the flashback from earlier in the movie.

[32:16] It was just like, but how?

[32:17] Why did he know that Ashton Kutcher was an assassin?

[32:19] Just because he knows.

[32:20] He's got a Rolodex.

[32:21] Every time I see a very gay-looking dude come in a hotel, I know not to get in a helicopter.

Stuart Wellington

[32:26] I mean, he was in France.

[32:27] Come on.

S2

[32:30] Oh, he was playing.

[32:31] I thought he was playing Faye.

[32:33] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[32:34] He did talk with a weird accent early on.

[32:36] The weird thing is that after they've kind of come to this understanding, Tom Selleck then just points his gun and shoots one of his sleeper assassins.

[32:46] He shoots the girl from Mad TV or the voice of Alex Borstein.

[32:50] It's like, hey, wait, wait.

[32:52] Bounty's off.

[32:53] Nope.

[32:53] He had a killer.

Dan McCoy

[32:55] It's easier than paying her.

[32:57] If I was in trouble, here's a couple thousand for your pains.

S2

[33:01] Sorry I killed your fake husband.

[33:03] I don't know if you guys really had to do it since you were just working for me.

Dan McCoy

[33:07] I don't know how deep your cover was.

[33:09] Yeah, exactly.

[33:11] Real deep.

[33:12] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:14] I'm giving you the serious face.

Dan McCoy

[33:17] So.

[33:18] Stuart, do you not know whether you're a criminal or a cop anymore?

[33:21] I don't.

[33:22] The line's blurry.

[33:22] You're too deep.

[33:23] Yeah.

[33:24] That's how you know.

Stuart Wellington

[33:26] The thing about hunting monsters, dudes, is that sometimes when you hunt monsters, you have

[33:29] to become one.

[33:30] Holy shit.

[33:31] You find them.

Dan McCoy

[33:32] I don't know what that means.

[33:33] Inside yourself.

[33:35] Yep.

S2

[33:36] The monster in the mirror.

Dan McCoy

[33:37] Monster's ball.

[33:38] Yep.

[33:39] The monster at the end of this book.

S2

[33:42] The notebook.

Stuart Wellington

[33:44] There's a monster at the end of the notebook?

[33:46] I think we're learning things.

S2

[33:46] I heard that the monster in the notebook is that it makes couples break up.

Dan McCoy

[33:50] Alzheimer's is the monster at the end of the notebook.

[33:52] Oh, no.

S2

[33:53] Yeah, when people realize that your potential mate may get a brain-wasting disease.

[33:58] Okay, guys.

[33:59] It's kind of a boner buster.

Dan McCoy

[34:00] That is a boner buster.

[34:02] So, I'm recording this in a different way than usual, so I have no idea how many minutes

[34:07] we've gone.

[34:08] Okay, let's wrap this shit up.

[34:10] Let's wrap it up.

[34:11] We're doing it by measures right now.

[34:12] It's in song.

[34:14] I'm trying something else so I can...

[34:15] Well, you don't need the technical stuff.

S2

[34:17] Are you doing auto-tune to this one?

[34:18] Yeah.

[34:19] Nice.

[34:20] So, guys.

Dan McCoy

[34:22] Was this a good, bad movie?

[34:23] A bad, bad movie?

[34:24] Or a movie you actually liked in some way?

[34:26] Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[34:28] I kind of hoped that it would have been a movie I would have kind of liked, but it was

[34:32] a bad, bad movie.

[34:35] Yeah, there just wasn't enough.

[34:38] The comedy really wasn't there.

[34:40] There were a couple...

[34:40] I did get a couple of laughs out of it, but most of it was just relatively boring.

[34:45] It was very flat.

[34:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[34:47] I feel like there were a couple of flourishes in it.

[34:51] It was trying to aim higher than, like, you know, like I said, like the Bounty Hunter

[34:56] or something like along those lines.

[34:58] It was trying to aim higher than just being like a generic high concept romantic comedy.

[35:02] It was clearly, like, drawing on older, like, zippy, like, spy comedies.

[35:07] But ultimately, as soon as...

[35:10] Especially as soon as it was revealed that Tom Selleck was behind it all and they had just

[35:15] been shooting at each other, like, in-laws have been shooting at each other the entire

[35:20] movie.

[35:20] I got angry.

S2

[35:22] Yeah.

[35:22] I was going to say that, you know, like I said, you could see what they were trying

[35:27] to do.

[35:27] And I was kind of like, oh, I wanted it to be so much better.

[35:30] And I think I'm giving Ashton Kutcher a lot of credit, but I feel like he could do it,

[35:34] but he just can't.

[35:36] Yeah.

[35:37] If that makes sense.

[35:38] But, you know, I was going to say, but it had moments where I hoot and hollered out

[35:42] loud, you know, spontaneously.

[35:44] Because you are a hillbilly.

[35:46] Well, you know, just because I was trying to get your attention because I had dropped my

[35:50] watchboard.

[35:51] It's because you saw the American flag on TV.

[35:52] The song that I was playing.

[35:53] No, the, well, the impaling of Rob Riggle and the upside down car and then the...

[36:00] Ultra impaling?

[36:01] No, the, what did I call her?

[36:04] The Italian prostitute woman in the red car when she exploded from behind with this giant

[36:09] fireball.

Stuart Wellington

[36:09] Who is neither Italian nor a prostitute in the movie, by the way.

[36:12] Yeah.

S2

[36:12] I just call women like that Italian prostitute.

[36:16] Just clarifying.

Dan McCoy

[36:17] Well, I think that we can all agree that it was a bad, bad movie, but better than many

[36:23] of the bad, bad movies we've seen.

S2

[36:25] It was so slow and nonsensical, though.

[36:27] I agree to nothing, Dan McCoy.

[36:28] Yeah, I don't...

[36:29] Okay.

[36:29] It was terrible, but...

[36:31] I mean, I wanted it to be better, but my hopes and dreams mean nothing to this.

Dan McCoy

[36:35] Yeah, that's fine.

[36:35] So, Lou, I thought that instead of reading some...

[36:42] It was a male.

[36:44] Okay.

[36:44] I would like to learn a little bit about something that you did recently, which was to see the

[36:49] Spider-Man musical.

[36:50] Oh.

[36:51] This is becoming the Broadway flop house for a moment.

S2

[36:54] Yeah.

[36:54] This is my...

[36:56] A little backstory.

[36:59] My cousin was coming in from Ecuador and she wanted to do something special for her husband

[37:03] because they were going to be here over the holidays.

[37:04] So, she told me, like, do you want me to get tickets?

[37:07] I can get us four tickets to the Spider-Man while they're here.

[37:10] So, it was me, Christopher, and my cousin Dan also bought tickets, and my seven-year-old

[37:17] son and his five-year-old son.

[37:18] So, we were there with family.

Dan McCoy

[37:19] The seven-year-old son has a five-year-old son?

[37:21] Yeah.

[37:21] His five-year-old son, Romano.

S2

[37:25] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[37:25] And you wanted to show them what it looks like when a human dies on stage.

S2

[37:29] Chris's seven-year-old son.

[37:30] Okay.

[37:32] And so, we went and saw it, and it was the worst experience of my entire life.

[37:39] It was unbelievably terrible.

[37:42] Theater experience.

[37:42] I'll say that.

[37:43] Okay.

[37:43] Thanks for clarifying.

[37:44] I've had people die in my life, and that was sort of worse, personally, on a personal

[37:47] level.

[37:47] But, on a theater level, this was...

[37:51] It was absurd.

[37:52] Now, you like comic books.

[37:54] Sure.

[37:54] How would you feel if you found out that Uncle Ben was run over by a car instead of

[38:00] shot by a murderer?

Stuart Wellington

[38:02] Already, that's a little weird.

Dan McCoy

[38:05] I heard that, and I was immediately like, well, there goes Spider-Man's motivation for

S2

[38:09] everything.

[38:10] Someone says, someone stop that car!

[38:13] And he's like, counting money in the car, hits Uncle Ben, who is off-screen, off-stage.

[38:20] You're like, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah.

[38:22] And then he's dead, and he doesn't say anything.

[38:25] Why were you here?

[38:26] With great power comes great responsibility, dude.

[38:28] That is said in a song.

[38:30] Awesome.

[38:31] That is not actually said to Spider-Man at any point in the movie.

[38:34] But here's where it gets weird.

[38:36] It's the beginning of the movie.

[38:38] The story is told.

[38:40] There's exposition by four teenagers who are telling the story of what would be the best

[38:44] Spider-Man story ever.

[38:46] And they, for some reason.

[38:48] And then Spider-Man...

[38:49] Because that never happens.

[38:51] So then the girl says, the girl in the group goes, there was another person who had...

[38:54] Oops.

[38:55] There was another person who had spider powers.

[38:56] Not just Spider-Man.

[38:57] It was a girl in ancient Greece.

[39:00] And her name was Arachne.

[39:02] And then they tell the story of the Greek myth of Arachne, who loses a battle with Athena or Hera or whatever.

[39:10] And commits suicide.

[39:13] Or she wins, but she boasts.

[39:15] So the god curses her and whatever.

[39:19] This is in Greek mythology.

[39:20] Anyway.

[39:21] So she hangs herself.

[39:22] She's like a demon shit, right?

[39:22] No, but it's important.

[39:23] Because she hangs herself and then she is cursed to be the spiders and she weaves people's fates.

[39:28] Anyway.

[39:29] So that's important.

[39:30] Because later.

[39:33] So anyway, the Green Goblin is created.

[39:35] The Green Goblin is not a man who gets turned into a super smart and strong person who's crazy.

[39:40] But actually genetically mutated into a lizard man with wings who flies around.

[39:45] Like a goblin.

[39:47] Yep, yep, yep.

[39:48] Or like a lizard.

[39:49] And he throws genetically mutated pumpkin bombs.

[39:52] All this happens off stage.

[39:53] And you never see any of that in real life.

[39:55] You do the flying stuff is cool.

[39:58] Because it's pretty impressive that they can land a dude in the aisles of the theater.

[40:03] Right.

[40:03] And he's doing.

[40:04] But like half the time he was like, here I go.

[40:07] And then he'd be like supposed to grab one of the ropes that is holding him to be like his spider web.

[40:11] He's never actually shooting spider webs.

[40:13] But he would miss it and be kind of like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stuart Wellington

[40:18] And then.

S2

[40:19] I like the last guy.

[40:20] So the music is terrible.

[40:23] The songs are retarded.

[40:25] The Mary Jane thing is like hardly explained.

[40:27] His problems.

[40:28] Peter Parker's problems are hardly explained.

[40:31] There's no orchestra.

[40:32] It's all canned music except for two dudes playing guitars on the side of the stage.

[40:36] Awesome.

[40:37] You can see.

[40:38] They're like standing stage level with a rack of guitars.

[40:42] And Spider-Man and the Green Goblin have a battle.

[40:46] And in the end, he tries to recruit Spider-Man to help him because they're both freaks.

[40:52] And Spider-Man rejects him.

[40:53] And they have a battle.

[40:54] And Spider-Man kills the Green Goblin.

[40:56] The Green Goblin falls to his death and dies because he's a bug man.

[40:59] Right.

[41:00] And he's dead.

[41:01] And then Spider-Man is like, people who get close to me get hurt.

[41:04] So I'm going to quit being Spider-Man.

[41:05] And he throws away the costume.

[41:07] Sure.

[41:08] And the scene one.

[41:08] Now, I forgot to mention that Arachne gives Spider-Man the costume.

Stuart Wellington

[41:13] Okay.

[41:13] From the astral plane.

S2

[41:16] Sure.

Stuart Wellington

[41:18] She gives Dormammu a high five.

[41:19] Opens a gate.

S2

[41:21] Spider-Man rejects being Spider-Man.

[41:23] Curtain down.

[41:23] Spider-Man no more.

[41:24] You might say.

[41:24] The people come.

[41:26] People behind me go.

[41:27] I would say.

[41:27] Is that it?

[41:29] Is it over?

[41:30] Should we go?

[41:31] Are people leaving?

[41:32] Is that it?

[41:32] You'd think they would tell us if that was it.

Stuart Wellington

[41:35] That's part of the script, right?

[41:36] Yeah.

[41:37] It was like people in the audience were part of the play.

[41:40] Audience points.

S2

[41:40] People were taking pictures.

[41:42] There's lots of like, no pictures.

[41:43] No pictures.

[41:44] Like Usher screaming at everybody.

[41:46] They're hoping to get lucky and catch some snuff.

[41:48] So, yeah.

[41:48] There's someone dying.

[41:49] So, the curtain goes up for second scene.

[41:52] Spider-Man is gone.

[41:53] No one knows where he is.

[41:54] Arachne is mad.

[41:55] So, the teenagers are like trying to figure out how to tell the story without Spider-Man

[41:59] because they're back telling the story.

[42:00] And Arachne shows up and she's like, I'm taking over this story.

[42:03] And they're like, what?

[42:04] You can't do that.

[42:05] And she says, I just did.

[42:06] Get out of here.

[42:07] And then her and her like furies, which are eight-legged women in like thigh-high

[42:13] stockings with garters on all eight legs.

[42:15] Kind of come out and do this like sexy dance.

Dan McCoy

[42:17] Like a human centipede.

[42:18] Yeah.

[42:18] Jesus.

[42:19] Like some sort of human centipede over here.

S2

[42:22] So, then Arachne takes over the world and weaves an illusion to bring Spider-Man out so that he can be Spider-Man again.

[42:29] And then he can set her free from the astral plane.

[42:32] Okay.

[42:33] So, then it makes no sense whatsoever.

[42:35] J. Jonah James' character is like a supreme asshole who makes no sense.

[42:41] Oh, that's like the comic.

[42:42] Yeah.

[42:42] But she makes him – she appears to him in a two-legged form to try to coerce him to make an editorial about Spider-Man and he doesn't want to.

[42:51] So, then her eight-legged monster people come in and force him to do it.

[42:55] Through jancing or like physically holding him down?

[42:56] They weave like a ribbon around him and he's like, just run the story to the black guy who's his assistant editor.

[43:07] Yeah.

[43:08] What is his name?

[43:08] Frank something.

[43:09] Anyway.

[43:11] Ellie would know.

[43:12] Yeah.

[43:13] Ellie would know.

[43:13] Sorry, guys.

[43:14] So, then she revives all the bad guys and he has to fight them and he never can actually fight anybody.

[43:24] There's like a giant screen and he's like punching at the TV.

[43:27] Giant TV.

[43:29] That's awesome.

Stuart Wellington

[43:30] I feel like that sometimes when I watch these Flophouse movies, Dan.

[43:34] I want to punch that screen.

[43:36] It was so bad.

[43:36] Get it?

[43:37] It was a very expensive television.

S2

[43:38] I'll just cut to the end.

[43:39] The arachne goes to – eventually Spider-Man goes to try to save Mary Jane as she's falling off the bridge, which is where that guy fell off in the previews in the famous video.

[43:51] Now he doesn't actually –

[43:51] Continuing to conflate Mary Jane and Gwen Stacy.

[43:53] Now they don't even bother to have him pretend to die.

[43:56] If he like runs in slow motion to the edge and he goes like this and the screen goes black.

[44:00] The stage goes black because he doesn't jump anymore because of safety concerns.

[44:03] But anyway, he jumps and then he ends up in the astral plane.

[44:07] Now he's in the astral plane with this giant net and he kind of climbs all over it like a spider.

[44:13] And Mary Jane is in a cocoon behind them for some reason.

[44:17] And he's like, you need to save Mary Jane.

[44:18] Become Spider-Man.

[44:20] And Peter Parker says, OK.

[44:22] I'll become Spider-Man.

[44:22] And then arachne is like, oh, Peter Parker.

[44:26] You are like crazy.

[44:28] I thought we were done with you.

[44:30] And then – so he's like – she's going to let him – Mary Jane go for no reason.

[44:36] And then Peter Parker kisses arachne and she's like, you set me free.

Dan McCoy

[44:41] And then she disappears.

S2

[44:43] And then you see her reappear as ancient Greece arachne on her noose going up to heaven.

[44:49] What?

[44:51] That sounds fucking awesome.

[44:53] It was like, wait, what?

[44:54] And then the veil of illusion is lifted.

[44:57] Peter Parker.

[44:58] Peter Parker has – Spider-Man has already killed Kraven the Hunter.

[45:04] Sure.

[45:04] To bring up an electro.

[45:05] Kraven the Hunter killed himself with a gun.

[45:06] He did.

[45:07] But in this one, Spider-Man has apparently vanquished these people to the point where they need to be revived by arachne.

[45:13] Spider-Man is a murderer in this world.

Stuart Wellington

[45:14] You know, yeah.

[45:15] Well, it's like Spider-Man.

[45:16] So did the – I'm guessing the entire audience formed like a big line and marched all the way to Midtown Comics to buy handfuls of spectacular Spider-Mans.

S2

[45:26] There was a lot of hurling of feces.

[45:28] It was like the ape house at the zoo.

[45:30] No, it was like – the show was over and literally the curtain came down and people started streaming out.

[45:35] Were people like laughing or shouting or anything?

[45:38] No, I was laughing pretty hard because half the time I was going like, what the fuck is happening?

[45:43] Why is arachne here?

[45:45] And yeah, so people were leaving and then the curtain came up and there was the out-of-town rubes.

[45:52] Yeah.

[45:53] We were clapping.

Dan McCoy

[45:54] You know, in comics, people are always going to the astral plane.

Stuart Wellington

[45:59] Yeah.

[46:00] But I've never been.

Dan McCoy

[46:01] This is not called Doctor Strange.

Stuart Wellington

[46:03] The play.

[46:04] Like Doctor Strange and magic and shit are always going there.

Dan McCoy

[46:07] I've never gone.

[46:08] Is it nice?

S2

[46:10] Look, it's so great that arachne really wanted out of there.

[46:14] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[46:15] So there's like bad guys and shit there, dude.

[46:17] Sounds more like the Phantom Zone to me.

S2

[46:20] Yeah, I mean –

[46:21] Wait, that's DC.

[46:22] Okay, sorry.

[46:22] That's DC.

[46:23] This is – don't cry.

Stuart Wellington

[46:24] Well, that sounds like you had a really awesome experience.

S2

[46:27] Now, here's the thing is that a seven and a five-year-old were highly entertained.

Dan McCoy

[46:33] Yeah.

[46:33] Okay.

[46:33] As were the rubes behind us.

[46:36] Put that on the ad, Julie Taymor.

[46:38] Yeah.

[46:38] A seven and a five-year-old were highly entertained.

[46:40] If I had not been into that musical –

S2

[46:42] So kind of like Jar Jar Binks, right?

[46:43] For $300, I would not have been there for like the first – after the first ten minutes.

[46:50] Yeah.

[46:50] The music is terrible.

[46:51] There's all kinds of like weird U2 references in the musical.

[46:55] Like in the scene where Spider-Man, before he becomes Spider-Man, is fighting Bone Crusher McGraw.

[47:01] Yep.

[47:01] He's like – that was actually the best part of the whole thing because they actually have a – a rink comes out with this giant inflatable man and the guy who plays Spider-Man beats up this like bozo doll inflatable man.

[47:11] That's pretty awesome.

[47:11] It was really great.

[47:12] And then – and the graphic for that was great too.

[47:15] But –

[47:16] They're playing U2 music or something?

[47:19] Oh, yeah.

[47:19] No, like the announcer is like, he's giving him a Sunday, bloody Sunday.

[47:23] Oh.

[47:24] And I was just like, why?

[47:26] Why did you have to throw that in?

[47:28] In case there any – a little wink to the U2 fans in the audience.

[47:32] Womp womp.

[47:32] Like you didn't know already.

[47:34] And then he said in a song that was very similar to that early U2 song, Walk Away.

[47:41] But there was a song that was like very similar to that.

[47:42] It was Lazy.

[47:44] Bono's Lazy.

Dan McCoy

[47:46] All right.

[47:47] Well, let's do some fast recommendations because I don't know what time we're at again.

[47:53] So I'll go.

[47:55] Sure, do it.

[47:57] I –

[47:57] Spider-Man the musical, right?

[47:59] Yeah.

[47:59] I don't know what Lou was talking about.

[48:02] I was – I would say it's fun for someone 5 to 500.

[48:07] Okay.

[48:08] Wow.

[48:08] I loved it.

[48:09] The Yoda in your life will enjoy it.

[48:12] No, no.

[48:14] For Christmas, I got my brother Best Worst Movie.

[48:20] I thought it was – I saw it on his wish list.

[48:23] I thought it was my duty as a co-host of a bad movie podcast to be the person to give that to him.

[48:30] And then on New Year's Eve, actually, I watched that DVD with him.

[48:36] And –

[48:37] That was your punishment for buying it for him?

[48:39] Yeah.

[48:39] No, I wanted to.

[48:40] I wanted to before I left.

[48:41] I was visiting.

[48:42] I wanted to see it.

[48:44] And, you know, it's just a really enjoyable movie.

[48:48] It's about – if you don't know it already, it's about the making of Troll 2 or not –

[48:56] Oh, is it really?

[48:56] It's a documentary?

[48:57] It's not about the making of Troll 2 so much as the kid who was in Troll 2 grew up to make a movie about Troll 2.

[49:05] Like he talks about how he tried to run away from it for so many years and then he thought – he realized what a great opportunity that he was in.

[49:14] That's funny.

[49:14] Like what is now kind of like the modern default like worst movie like that or The Room are like the ones that are gone to.

[49:22] And so he goes and he revisits people that, you know, were in the movie with him.

[49:28] It's mainly about the guy who played the father who's like a dentist now.

[49:32] It's like a really jolly dentist character.

[49:34] Right, right, right.

[49:35] And how the dentist sort of like gets a second taste of fame in – now that he's in this cult film.

[49:45] And he goes to like the UCB here in New York.

[49:49] Oh, you know, I remember when they did that screening.

[49:51] That's why I knew about it.

[49:52] And all these things and like he's, you know, he's enjoying his cult success but then kind of has to go through a second like – not fall but like –

[50:01] Sure, sure.

[50:02] Realizing that –

[50:03] The deflation of his –

[50:04] He should spend his life as a dentist probably.

[50:06] His mini fame.

[50:07] But there's also like scenes with the Italian director of Troll 2 and his wife who wrote it under his pseudonym and them not realizing that it's a terrible movie and that like its renewed popularity in America is because of it being a terrible movie.

[50:22] Yeah.

[50:22] They don't get that?

S2

[50:24] Yeah.

[50:25] They still think like this is now our chance to make Troll 3.

[50:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:28] I mean it's a funny movie.

[50:30] It's a very informative movie if you have ever seen Troll 2.

[50:34] And it's also a movie that, you know, actually has an emotional arc and says something about sort of human nature.

[50:41] Unlike Troll 2.

[50:43] Right.

[50:44] Exactly.

Stuart Wellington

[50:46] Stuart, do you have any –

[50:47] Yeah, I've watched a bunch of movies lately but I think the movie that kind of takes the cake isn't some kind of stupid bullshit like what you'd recommend.

[50:57] I'm recommending a little movie called Doll Man starring Tim Thomerson as the Doll Man.

[51:04] A cop from outer space with a gun that blows people in half.

[51:08] That blows people's face.

[51:09] And the thing that's great about him –

[51:11] The thing that's great is he's so small so it's really hard for the New York City goons to shoot him back.

[51:18] Step on him?

[51:19] The lead – well, you'd think.

[51:20] He's crafting.

[51:20] But then he'd shoot him with his fucking giant gun.

S2

[51:23] Now on his planet, is he regular size?

[51:24] Yeah, he's regular size.

[51:25] So it's a tiny planet or maybe a regular size planet with just tiny people.

Dan McCoy

[51:28] It's the Earth's yellow sun that makes him small.

Stuart Wellington

[51:30] So there's a lot of hilarious scenes of them trying to deal with the fact that the actor playing Doll Man isn't actually only like the size of a doll.

[51:43] So there's actually not a lot of – there's not a lot of good perspective shots or anything.

[51:47] But the bad guy, the lead goon is played by Jackie Earl Haley who has just recently come into fame.

S2

[51:55] When is Doll Man from?

[51:56] It's from the late 80s, early 90s?

[51:59] Yeah.

[51:59] Is it one of those like full moon productions?

[52:01] Yeah, it's a full moon.

Stuart Wellington

[52:01] Kind of, yeah.

[52:03] And there's just this really good bit at the end where Jackie Earl Haley has been – had like his guts blown out by Doll Man's amazing gun.

[52:13] And he's just got this like look of sadness on his face like, what have I done?

[52:18] Yeah, it's totally great.

[52:19] I highly recommend it.

[52:20] That's all, man.

[52:21] It's like 70 minutes long.

[52:22] Now if he shot –

Dan McCoy

[52:22] It's on Netflix screaming.

[52:23] I was screaming.

S2

[52:24] I was screaming.

[52:26] Screaming back for more, please.

[52:28] Now wait a minute.

[52:29] If he shoots someone from his home planet with that gun, would they just be super exploded?

[52:32] They fucking explode.

[52:33] Yeah.

[52:33] Double explode.

[52:33] He blows the shit out of everybody with this gun.

[52:35] Because he's blowing up regular sized people with this giant gun.

[52:38] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:38] Or this tiny gun.

[52:39] He's like – he's kind of like a dirty hairy type figure on his planet.

[52:42] But on our planet, he's like a very small dirty hairy figure.

Dan McCoy

[52:45] He's trapped in a world he never made is what you're saying.

[52:48] He's a fish out of water.

Stuart Wellington

[52:49] Uh-huh.

[52:50] And –

[52:51] It's a culture class.

[52:52] He's been taken out of water and placed into old-timey like 80s New York where everything is –

[52:58] Old-timey 80s New York.

[52:59] 30 years.

[53:00] Look back 30 years.

[53:02] You know where –

[53:02] I was 30 years.

[53:03] Where –

[53:03] You know back when New York was an urban hellscape filled with goons.

[53:07] I was living here then.

[53:08] And –

[53:09] And colored tank tops.

Dan McCoy

[53:10] And punks with their dyed mohawks.

Stuart Wellington

[53:13] Uh-huh.

[53:13] And different – and gangs made up of all different ethnicities.

[53:18] All the colors of the rainbow.

S2

[53:20] This was – that was – New York had so many inclusive gangs.

[53:22] And the baseball years.

S2

[53:22] Sure.

[53:23] So great movie.

[53:24] Dollman.

[53:25] Watch that shit.

[53:26] Yeah.

[53:27] Dollman.

[53:27] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[53:28] Take it out of your – take it out of Netflix.

[53:30] Put it in your Netflix.

[53:31] Watch instantly.

[53:32] Q.

[53:33] And put it in the bank.

[53:34] Pop some Redenbachers.

[53:35] Pop some Redenbachers.

Stuart Wellington

[53:35] Watch that shit.

S2

[53:37] I don't think my wife will let me watch that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[53:39] But I –

[53:41] Wait till she goes to bed.

[53:42] Mm-hmm.

[53:43] Watch some pornography and then watch Dollman.

[53:45] Or –

Dan McCoy

[53:46] No, I think –

[53:47] I think after I watch pornography, then I will go to bed.

[53:50] Okay.

[53:51] However you want to do it.

[53:52] It's your night.

[53:52] Sure.

[53:53] Watch them both at the same time.

S2

[53:54] That's what I say to myself every night after she goes to bed.

[53:56] It's your night now.

[53:58] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[53:59] You're a big boy.

[54:00] It's your time.

S2

[54:01] This is your time, Lou.

[54:02] Do what you want to do.

[54:03] You're an adult.

[54:04] It's always pornography.

[54:06] I would like to recommend –

[54:08] I always have a hard time recommending things because I hate things.

[54:11] But I would like to recommend –

[54:13] I don't know if you guys –

[54:15] Do you watch Riff Tracks at all?

[54:16] Sure.

[54:17] Riff Tracks and Cinematic Titanic.

[54:19] Those are great things.

[54:20] I'm just going to say that.

[54:21] But I was going to say Garth Marenghi's Dark Place.

[54:23] Have you watched that?

[54:24] No.

[54:25] Did we talk about that?

Dan McCoy

[54:26] A television program.

S2

[54:27] Yeah, it's a television program.

[54:28] I haven't watched that many movies because all I get to do is watch Dora the Explorer and Go Diego Go because I have children.

Stuart Wellington

[54:34] I don't even know what those are.

S2

[54:36] They're –

[54:36] Are they like Bakugan?

[54:39] They are like giant-eyed Mexican children who solve animal problems.

Dan McCoy

[54:45] If that was the title of the program, I would watch it.

[54:49] That's what Go Diego Goose.

S2

[54:50] But Garth Marenghi's Dark Place is a six-episode BBC series that was about a – the premise is that the guy who wrote it, Garth Marenghi, was a sci-fi writer.

[55:01] He's a really into himself writer.

[55:03] Dean Kuntz.

[55:04] Yeah, but also a Stephen King mystery and sci-fi writer.

[55:09] And he wrote a show in the 80s called Garth Marenghi's Dark Place because the dark place is in his mind.

[55:16] Right.

[55:16] But it's about a crazy hospital where all this magic and science shit happens.

[55:20] And he's like, now the BBC is so terrible.

[55:22] They're unearthing my show and it's like a documentary about the show.

[55:26] So they show it.

[55:28] Yeah.

[55:29] They show the show and then in the middle of it, there will be stuff talking about what was happening then.

[55:35] It's all done very seriously but it is super hilarious.

[55:38] Especially because they really managed to recreate the 80s special effects.

[55:42] So there's all kinds of weird video happening and the magic is all super 80s effects.

[55:49] There's a – oh, man.

[55:50] There's a great thing where someone is getting ately raped by this giant eye alien.

[55:56] They just cut.

[55:56] Sounds pretty good.

[55:57] They just cut.

[55:57] They show like this giant blurred out like dick going up this guy's like nightshirt.

[56:02] And then they cut to the Garth Marenghi.

[56:04] He's like, that actor was not pleased with this role.

[56:08] It was just the perfect –

[56:11] Yeah.

[56:12] And it stars Moss who is from the IT crowd and he also has a character who plays one of the wizards on the Mighty Boosh.

[56:21] His character just plays like a friend of Garth Marenghi's who gets acting.

[56:27] In every episode, he has a scene where he shoots a shotgun like multiple times with a cigar in his mouth.

[56:33] He's awesome.

[56:34] It's pretty entertaining.

[56:36] Of course, I have no idea where you would get it if you don't steal things off the internet.

[56:39] So look on the internet.

Dan McCoy

[56:42] Stuart, I see you crushing your Coors Light.

[56:45] I think that means –

[56:45] You know what that means.

[56:46] The party is just beginning.

[56:48] The party is just beginning but the podcast is just ending.

[56:51] So until next time when maybe we'll all be back here as much as I'm delighted.

[56:57] I doubt that severely.

Stuart Wellington

[56:58] Don't fucking build them up, dude.

[57:00] You'll feel bad.

[57:01] Really?

S2

[57:01] Oh, Dan, I thought it went great too.

[57:03] Man, I –

[57:04] Wow.

[57:04] That's fucking mean, Dan.

[57:05] What are you doing?

[57:06] Oh, man.

[57:07] Thanks, guys.

[57:08] Is there like a secret handshake you guys are going to teach me or what?

Stuart Wellington

[57:11] You haven't done enough of them to get the handshake.

S2

[57:14] Oh, there is a handshake.

[57:15] I knew it.

[57:16] I knew it.

Dan McCoy

[57:17] Until then, though, I've been Dan McCoy.

[57:19] I'm Stuart Wellington.

S2

[57:21] And for Elliot Kalin, I'm Lou Fernandez.

Stuart Wellington

[57:24] Yay.

[57:26] Man, you're mean, dude.

[57:40] ATMA.

[57:41] It's like one of them human son of beads.

[57:44] Sure.

[57:45] You know what?

[57:46] You know what someone said to me?

S2

[57:47] It was that they saw that village people, you know, the one guy has like the puppets and

[57:52] he dances with all the – do you know what I'm talking about?

[57:54] Yeah.

[57:55] My brother saw that and was just like – he was like, is that the human centipede?

[57:59] Sure.

[58:00] Dancing at the carnival?

Stuart Wellington

[58:02] No, the human centipede is something completely different.

[58:04] Right.

S4

[58:05] Significantly sexier.

The Flop House: Episode #72 - Killers

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