The Flop House's Third Annual Awards Floptacular

[0:00] Welcome back, we're continuing our coverage of the third annual awards floptacular, the night when all the podcast stars come out to shine, despite such a thing not existing.

[0:10] And who do I see coming down the red carpet but Daily Show writer and Flophouse co-host, Elliot Kalin, resplendent in an English walking coat and a backpack.

[0:19] And here's his other host, Stuart Wellington, walking past in a Speedo, giant belt buckle, and not much else.

[0:26] And here comes the third part of the co-hosting triumvirate, Dan McCoy, in a tuxedo made entirely of sadness.

[0:33] Not sure how they manage that.

[0:35] And, oh my god, it's the Flophouse house cat! House cat, what are you wearing tonight?

[0:40] Meow meow!

[0:42] Ha ha ha, alright. Well, the stars are all inside, so let's join them in the historic Dan's Apartment Theater for the third annual awards floptacular.

[0:53] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:56] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:58] And here comes Elliot Kalin, coming up third.

[1:00] Coming down the street.

[1:02] Bronze.

[1:04] I'm glad to have just gotten a medal. Glad to have just made it onto the podium.

[1:08] It's an honor to be nominated. Hey!

[1:10] Hey, there's a Segway!

[1:12] Not everyone can be Leonardo.

[1:14] Da Vinci.

[1:16] And Segway diverted.

[1:19] So, this is the annual podcast floptacular.

[1:25] The Oscar wrap-up. We've done 83 of these.

[1:28] Or this will be our 83rd?

[1:30] No, we've done three of them, and there's always been a file problem before.

[1:35] Some sort of audio problem. This is the most cursed episode of the Flophouse.

[1:39] More than Babylon AD? The fabled lost episode of the Flophouse?

[1:43] Well, Babylon AD broke the computer.

[1:46] The computer rejected it.

[1:48] It was like, wait, another Vin Diesel science fiction epic?

[1:52] No, thank you.

[1:54] It was Babylon Babies, right?

[1:56] Wasn't that the original title?

[1:58] Yeah, I think that's what the book was based on.

[2:02] I think you're thinking of the movie Solar Babies.

[2:04] My mistake.

[2:06] I think you're thinking of the Million Dollar Babies tour.

[2:08] Billion Dollar Babies, whatever the Kiss tour was.

[2:10] Billion Dollar Duck.

[2:11] Alice Cooper, not Kiss.

[2:12] Billion Dollar Duck, indeed.

[2:13] I think you're thinking of the Billion Dollar Brain, the Harry Palmer movie.

[2:18] Harry Potter?

[2:19] Yes, the Harry Potter.

[2:20] I know a lot about that. Hogwarts?

[2:23] So, guys, we've gotten into things that sound like other things earlier than usual.

[2:27] We did it. We broke a record.

[2:29] But we should talk about the Oscars.

[2:31] How did we do, Guinness Man?

[2:32] You're just short on a world record.

[2:35] You've got to go a little faster next time.

[2:39] Thanks, Guinness Man.

[2:41] It's just a guy who enjoys Guinness.

[2:43] I thought he was from the World Records Organization.

[2:47] He was drinking a Guinness beer.

[2:50] It was a stopwatch.

[2:53] So, the Oscars.

[2:54] He kept dunking the stopwatch in the beer, though, so I don't know what that was about.

[2:58] Oscars.

[2:59] Well, tonight was a night for Oscars, by which I mean last week.

[3:02] So we watched the movie Oscars starring?

[3:05] Starring?

[3:06] Starring Kirk Douglas.

[3:08] Also star of this year's Oscars.

[3:10] Maybe this segue will take.

[3:11] Sure.

[3:12] You have to keep transplanting segues until the podcast stops rejecting them.

[3:18] I'm sorry.

[3:19] There was nothing we could do.

[3:21] The Academy Awards.

[3:22] What a night.

[3:23] What a glittery, glattery night.

[3:25] The sky was dark.

[3:27] Glattery.

[3:28] I hate to be the contrarian, but it seemed pretty.

[3:33] I don't think you do.

[3:34] I actually enjoy it.

[3:35] The popular consensus seemed to be that this was not only the worst Oscars,

[3:39] but the worst television thing ever, when I actually enjoyed it quite a bit,

[3:43] and I thought they did a good job.

[3:45] I liked it just fine myself.

[3:47] And I think that your tweet was to the point when you had something about the people

[3:53] who were at the first Oscars ever declaring it to be the worst Oscars ever.

[3:57] Thank you.

[3:58] I believe the tweet was, and we can check the record for this later, was,

[4:02] something like headline from 1929,

[4:05] worst Oscars ever, say attendees of first ever Oscars,

[4:09] every year is called the worst ever.

[4:11] And this year it happened to be this year.

[4:14] Sometimes I agree and sometimes I disagree.

[4:16] I also liked the Letterman hosted Oscars, which everyone hated.

[4:21] Those I was mixed about.

[4:23] But they certainly weren't as bad as people make them out to be.

[4:25] What are people expecting?

[4:26] It's a fucking award show.

[4:27] They're boring as hell, basically.

[4:29] It's a three-and-a-half-hour award show that's got a lot of fake pomposity,

[4:33] and every year they're like, it was so long.

[4:36] Why do I have to watch stars congratulating other stars for three hours?

[4:40] You don't, man.

[4:41] You can watch fucking reruns of The Sampsons or Family Guy or whatever.

[4:45] Or Family Gug.

[4:46] If ever there was a time in human history when you didn't have to watch the Oscars,

[4:51] it is now, when the options for human entertainment and time spending

[4:55] are as limitless as they've ever been.

[4:58] We are literally living in the era of unprecedented choice

[5:03] in how you look at what you watch or experience.

[5:06] I mean if television commercials are to be believed,

[5:09] even the people in the audience could have watched something completely different

[5:12] on their phone.

[5:14] They could have entered the cloud.

[5:15] Or you know what?

[5:16] Worst case scenario, close your fucking eyes and make up a movie in your head.

[5:19] Remember when you were a kid and you did it all the time

[5:22] when you were in your family's house of worship?

[5:24] Just do that again.

[5:25] I was at a rest stop recently, and that's how they advertised a book on tape

[5:28] was a movie in the mind.

[5:31] I like that our argument in favor of the Oscars was,

[5:34] if you don't like it, why not imagine something, jerk?

[5:37] Well, people talked about it.

[5:39] Didn't Steven Soderbergh use that as an acceptance speech a few years back?

[5:42] But people talked about it as if the Oscars owes it to them

[5:46] to be entertaining to them.

[5:48] And it's good when the Oscars are entertaining

[5:50] because it's always good when something is entertaining and not boring.

[5:53] Exactly.

[5:54] What you said is what were they expecting from this?

[5:56] What did they think they were going to see?

[5:58] And everyone – it's so funny because the minute Billy Crystal got –

[6:03] people were talking about, oh, when Billy Crystal got up,

[6:05] it was like, oh, why can't he host?

[6:07] It's like, does anyone remember years ago when everyone was like,

[6:09] enough with the Billy Crystal already.

[6:11] Enough with the fucking songs with all the movie titles in them.

[6:14] Are we going to do this for a ninth year?

[6:16] Yeah, I think Billy Crystal is doing exactly what he needs to do right now,

[6:19] which is to do boring memoir shows on Broadway.

[6:22] That's the thing.

[6:23] When he starts talking about his history, it's like, oh, great,

[6:25] 700 Sundays right here on the Oscars.

[6:27] But that was – like I thought there was a lot about this Oscars too that I enjoyed,

[6:32] and the main thing was just that the people at the Oscars

[6:35] looked like they were enjoying being at the Oscars.

[6:38] There wasn't this feeling of like, oh, another slog, another one of these shows.

[6:43] Like Anne Hathaway looked like she really enjoyed it.

[6:45] James Franco looked like, I don't know.

[6:48] He rocked back and forth a lot, I think.

[6:50] Even Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law looked like they were enjoying a little bit,

[6:53] their like bickering bit that they did.

[6:55] Kirk Douglas was obviously overjoyed to be on stage again at the age of 94.

[7:02] Like it was just very nice to see these people enjoy themselves,

[7:05] and especially it was nice to me to see everyone –

[7:08] another thing that you got on the Internet was a lot was like,

[7:10] Kirk Douglas is so old.

[7:12] Oh, why is he on television?

[7:14] It's like it's nice to see them showing respect for someone who is a real star

[7:20] in a way that nobody in the movies is today.

[7:23] Especially if it's like increasingly like short-sighted and like short memory.

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:29] I can have a slightly slurry and thick-voiced Kirk Douglas who is an amazing legend,

[7:37] someone I've personally been a fan of for a long time,

[7:39] and an inspiration for having overcome a stroke,

[7:42] or I can watch like Seth Rogen could come out and do his normal shtick.

[7:46] Which one am I going to want to see?

[7:48] And like Kirk Douglas –

[7:49] Am I going to want to see Spartacus or like fucking –

[7:52] I don't know, somebody else's movie.

[7:56] It's like, hey, think of it.

[7:58] Or like Amanda Seyfried or whatever her name is.

[8:01] Well, what's Amanda Seyfried wearing?

[8:03] She's wearing what Kirk Douglas is wearing.

[8:05] Oh, okay. Well, yeah, Kirk Douglas.

[8:07] But no, I mean like the thing with Kirk Douglas too, obviously –

[8:10] I apologize for yelling so much.

[8:11] Difficult to understand, but the man's brain, you know, has not been affected.

[8:18] Like he was –

[8:20] If it seems like he didn't know where he was or what he was doing –

[8:22] No, but he was very funny.

[8:23] He was very funny, and he was very –

[8:25] like he – more than most people there seemed to get like –

[8:28] he had a perspective on the Oscars.

[8:30] Like he said when he was up there, like I did this three times, and I lost every time.

[8:33] Like he – it was nice to see someone who has been through that

[8:36] and is now – as opposed to the people who still think this award means anything.

[8:41] And frankly, I thought he was more eloquent than James Franco was most of the time.

[8:47] A lot of – I enjoyed James Franco as a co-host to somebody else.

[8:52] Like a host on his own.

[8:53] Yeah, but it's just been him.

[8:54] He would have been – it would have been a difficult –

[8:56] You know, Anne Hathaway, not hilarious, but at least like –

[9:00] and her approach to comedy is kind of like the high school drama girl doing comedy,

[9:04] like very over the top, but at least she's up for it.

[9:08] Yeah, she's got some energy.

[9:09] She's got some verve.

[9:10] Yeah, and I liked her – I liked both of them in particular in the opening bit where they could do what they do,

[9:17] which is act rather than trade banter.

[9:20] James Franco through the rest of the show, I was enjoying him.

[9:24] I understood why the internet did not enjoy him.

[9:26] The internet was expecting a regular host, whereas I was enjoying James Franco going up there

[9:33] and being the most James Franco he could be.

[9:35] Except when they get a regular host, they hate it.

[9:38] Every year, if you get a regular host, it's same old thing.

[9:41] And if you get a different type of host like Letterman or James Franco, it's like, what is he doing?

[9:47] This isn't the Oscars.

[9:49] Well, you said –

[9:50] Vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom, vroom.

[9:51] You said about James Franco before the show started that he always seems to look like he knows like a secret, like a surprise.

[9:57] He always looks like –

[9:58] That's going to happen to someone.

[10:00] pie is about to hit you in the face you don't know it and he's just waiting for

[10:03] it to happen you know

[10:05] he knows that you are about to be revealed as some baby's father

[10:10] and you don't know it and he is just relishing

[10:13] that moment that's that slide see what elliot's doing now is elliot's closing his eyes

[10:18] and creating a movie in his mind it's called

[10:21] james franco secret holder

[10:25] the treasure of the why don't we just call it why don't we just why was

[10:28] what's the legend of curly's gold why don't we just call it the secret

[10:33] can we just call it the secret i think we might be get sued by the holder of

[10:36] the book title although you can't copyright a title

[10:38] but that wasn't james franco no james franco wrote that yeah

[10:42] okay so he probably wouldn't mind staring it was it was his

[10:45] book based on the movie the secret of my success okay

[10:49] oh man i don't need like yeah which itself was based on the movie secrets

[10:53] and lies very loose adaptation so we're uh we're

[10:57] gonna lose a lot of should we talk about we're gonna lose a lot about this

[11:00] episode awards we started off with a bunch of

[11:02] gibberish no i mean now we're we are staking a claim directly in

[11:06] opposition to the almighty internet probably anonymous

[11:09] is going to take us down or julian assange or we're also taking

[11:12] a attack very different from our usual uh

[11:16] relentless negativity yeah that's true well we're being negative about the

[11:19] internet so what we want to talk about uh

[11:21] should we talk about the actual awards yeah well first i was happy that amy

[11:26] adams lost yep so that was that was there's

[11:28] negativity there's negativity right there performance

[11:31] i uh i lost my office pool so that's i'm unhappy about that

[11:37] did you think the king's speech was going to win best picture is that why

[11:40] you lost no no that one i guessed right did some daily show

[11:43] celebrity take the office pool let's let's put some star power on this

[11:46] nope it was another one of the writers okay but uh

[11:50] i that's the awards this year i was betting on toy story 3 losing best

[11:54] animated picture and wow that was a mistake you should not

[11:57] have yeah you should not have bet your future earnings

[12:02] yeah is that why you're sleeping on my couch tonight yep

[12:05] and uh randy newman that was good to get to see that guy oh

[12:08] i like that recluse i like seeing that dude what are you afraid of the

[12:12] spotlight randy come on come out to the oscars and play

[12:15] a song sometime i didn't realize this was only his second

[12:18] dude that's the thing like i thought he had won like 80 times

[12:21] no and his first one was somewhat somewhat recent right

[12:25] like he i think he won for you got a friend in me or

[12:29] yeah but still like like i mean he's been making music a long time ago

[12:33] now la vida loca is that his song yeah that's

[12:38] like that uh that um that lady gaga song is that his

[12:43] yes the one about i'm not waiting around to see what you're gonna come up

[12:47] with i'm having trouble coming up with references today

[12:50] but i think oh shit uh-oh we're screwed

[12:59] i got this one guys but yeah i mean the awards were not particularly

[13:04] controversial this year it was for most of them it seemed like people

[13:08] knew what was gonna happen i would the big upset for me was the

[13:11] lost thing winning best animated short it's a really good short and night and

[13:16] day which is also really good i thought was going to win

[13:18] but it was nice to have a non-pixar cartoon win

[13:21] when there's a pixar cartoon there i was to be honest i was a little

[13:25] surprised by i mean i shouldn't have been but i was a

[13:28] little let's say disappointed with the best picture choice and uh

[13:31] and best director i was a little surprised that they both went to the

[13:34] king's speech i was disappointed by best director i

[13:37] knew at this point that best picture i was

[13:39] kind of hoping aronofsky was going to take that i was hoping too he's not

[13:42] going to he may never until he makes a movie like the king's

[13:46] speech he's not going to get it or maybe when

[13:48] he's 75 years old and he makes a movie that

[13:51] by our standard by the standards of 40 years from now or when however old he is

[13:56] like 35 years from now by those standards looks tame like

[14:01] best director is not going to go to someone who is doing something

[14:05] vital or powerful what do you mean tom hooper

[14:09] tell the departed for scorsese to get a yeah maybe his

[14:12] his least expert his least adventurous movie maybe ever

[14:16] yeah well i mean what do you know what was

[14:19] so particularly important about the directing of

[14:23] the king's speech i don't think there was one but i think he was going to win

[14:26] it because the there the two of them are so often

[14:29] linked well it's not always like steven spielberg won best director

[14:34] in a year that he didn't win best picture but

[14:36] i haven't seen the king's speech but let me uh i will let me take a step back and

[14:39] say that a movie that has uh great acting in it

[14:43] which uh to all accounts the king's speech does have

[14:47] it's a very good movie a lot of that relies on the work

[14:50] of the director um and and that is too often undervalued when you're talking

[14:55] about the direction of a movie like people focus on very flashy uh visual

[14:59] things or formal things but even there i think

[15:02] that's why i was kind of surprised that david o russell wouldn't have gotten it

[15:05] because i mean i think the i think that's true he

[15:08] took ensemble performance of uh the fighter was i can see why david

[15:12] russell some interesting stuff he did except that the last 15 minutes

[15:16] that movie is a slog yeah he shoots a boxing match that might

[15:19] just because we don't care about sports no no but he

[15:22] but his job is to make you care about it yeah boxing is not a super popular sport

[15:26] anymore he's got to make you care what happens

[15:28] at the end same thing with uh bobsledding in the cool runnings cool

[15:31] runnings made me care about bobsledding when i was you know 10 or however old i

[15:34] was but that's the magic of dougie doug

[15:37] if you're doing a boxing movie we've already seen

[15:40] mark walberg do this strategy one or two times in the movie

[15:44] where he does nothing and absorbs blows for

[15:47] rounds and then punches the guy a couple times in the back and wins we've seen it

[15:50] so to see him do it again at the end is not interesting

[15:54] so like do something to liven up that's the surprise elliot

[15:58] the surprise is he does the same exact thing you would have figured they would

[16:02] have held the best for last and they didn't know it the anti-climax is the

[16:05] biggest climax of all but i and i liked that movie a lot but

[16:09] the end of it was really boring because it was like it just felt like watching a

[16:12] boxing match on tv which i don't like doing

[16:14] like and if when you think about the fact that you prefer to be ringside

[16:17] that's what you're saying i gotta be there wearing a suit

[16:20] and a hat with my lady in her fur coat just

[16:23] not yelling at the boxers yelling at the ring doctor this is a

[16:27] blood match this is a slaughterhouse get him out of there

[16:31] he's killing him in there yeah but uh the especially when you've got a movie

[16:35] like raging bull where boxing looks amazing yeah that's true so

[16:39] or it's some kind of a boxing promoter or i'm just a fan

[16:44] but i was thinking i mean the mom or financial

[16:47] i was thinking the other day that like the boxing scene at the end of rocky

[16:50] balboa the sixth rocky movie is more exciting

[16:53] than the climax of the fighter and the fight and rocky balboa is that

[16:56] the one where he fights uh tommy gun no it's where he fights mason dixon

[17:00] okay in a in this is an exhibition match and we've already been told which one

[17:04] does he fight that robot butler and he never fights the robot butler that was

[17:07] the fanfic i wrote that was an oscar it was called rocky four and a half

[17:12] it's called rocky four four point one the butler makes a mistake

[17:16] the butler did it but uh the like and that's it's but anyway

[17:22] that's i can so i can see why david russell would get dinged for that

[17:25] and you're right acting does the directing of acting deserves a lot but

[17:29] like i think the way i was thinking about it

[17:31] the other day was that the same way that on top chef sometimes a

[17:35] really interesting dish will lose to like

[17:37] comfort food made really well tom hooper made

[17:40] the ultimate comfort food movie and he did very well and you know he got

[17:44] recognized for that and he doesn't necessarily not

[17:46] it's not like he did a shitty job and he got best director

[17:49] you know i did a good job i haven't seen it so i can't uh

[17:52] that was not a it was not i realized i was saying this at the night that i

[17:56] realized that was not a guild film so i didn't get a screener

[17:59] you know uh so and i'm too lazy to go out to see movies during awards season

[18:02] now that i get them mailed to me i mean i went to see it during its

[18:05] release yeah but uh so you're you're a more uh movie fan yeah you're a movie

[18:10] you're a bigger movie fan than i am but that's i don't care for the movies

[18:14] the thing the king's speech is a very well-made movie it's a really

[18:17] entertaining and good movie like you the minute the movie starts you know

[18:20] how it's going to end you can follow along with it because of

[18:23] history not just i mean probably because of history but not you know like aliens

[18:27] aren't going to show up or transmorphers or anything yeah i thought

[18:30] you're going to be like because of history you know like alien versus

[18:32] twitter we all know how that went down the king isn't going to like step

[18:36] through a mirror into the mirror verse you know

[18:38] awesome but at the same time what a twist

[18:42] here's to getting a glass battle with mirror hitler

[18:47] i don't even know what a glass battle would be

[18:52] mirror hitler has the mustache on the other side

[18:55] no no no remember in your boxing match mirror hitler is right-handed

[19:00] but the like it's a really good movie to say like and this was

[19:04] the slate of best picture nominees was a really good slate like this was a really

[19:07] good year for solid hollywood movies i think i said

[19:10] this when we talked about it previously in the podcast like

[19:12] it was a really good year for solid hollywood movies so to see the king's

[19:15] speech win which is like the ultimate solid hollywood movie yeah

[19:19] even if it's not technically like how i don't know how much of it

[19:23] was hollywood made it was i don't know the weinstein brothers produced it or

[19:25] just distributed it but you know directed by an englishman i

[19:30] think the time and i didn't realize that tom

[19:32] hooper looks like james cameron circa 25 years ago

[19:35] yep he looks just like young james cameron and catherine bigelow

[19:39] handed him the award and i have to imagine that she like recoiled for a

[19:42] second thinking that she'd fallen through a

[19:44] time window and was still married to james cameron

[19:47] the ghost of christmas past come to haunt her

[19:51] yeah i don't i mean like again that was the gypsy's curse

[19:55] i feel bad along with dinner that just goes without saying i feel bad that it

[19:58] turns out that i did not

[20:00] cv the one movie

[20:02] that would that would have made the discussion uh... simpler but uh...

[20:06] i can only twenty seven hours yes see that's the one that's picture nominee i

[20:10] didn't get to see and because my wife refused to see it

[20:13] but i don't know that's going to go see like

[20:15] gore zone eight you know if if you were in charge of if it was the elliot academy

[20:22] awards which of the uh... which of the ten nominees would would you pick uh...

[20:26] either

[20:27] black swan or two three three probably blacks one

[20:29] black swan out of the ones that i saw that's what i would say to you toy story three i had

[20:33] the most genuine emotional reaction to yeah and was the most entertained by it

[20:37] but black swan was the one where like

[20:39] when the movie ended i felt like i had experienced a real

[20:43] movie

[20:43] like i felt like i had seen

[20:45] the tools of filmmaking

[20:47] it used in a way that really excited me and made like and i was engrossed by the

[20:50] movie

[20:53] uh... what about you what if it was the wellingtons was uh... which is also your

[20:57] do-about-it

[20:59] uh...

[20:59] now i

[21:01] i i wasn't paying that close attention but was the invisible maniac now

[21:04] no not be eligible i think that movie is true over twenty years old

[21:08] then i would probably say to a story

[21:11] uh... although blacks one yet you know that's a great to be honest

[21:15] saying uh... the amount of praise like a black swan is in many ways like pulling

[21:20] teeth like i have not liked

[21:22] are not skis other movies

[21:24] uh... i think there

[21:27] uh... a little bit too much uh... form of a function

[21:31] and for the solids retelling of a zack snyder

[21:34] uh...

[21:36] uh... or a invisible maniac so i don't think that but the uh... but i think

[21:41] there are a couple of ladies

[21:43] the i mean i thought he really kind of rained himself in and actually well

[21:47] right that's the first time i've heard that in association with black swan

[21:50] no but i don't know i'm not scared of the only reason i guess i guess compared

[21:54] to like uh...

[21:55] reprimand for dream but not compared to like the wrestler necessarily except the

[21:59] wrestler he rained himself in too much yet

[22:02] and that

[22:03] people at the rest of the wrestler was one that i was underwhelmed by since

[22:06] basically the same movie as the champ

[22:08] except there's a stripper no i agree i think that what i think i would say the

[22:12] thing about blacks one is uh... form and uh... function like

[22:16] new york area so well yeah movie like it's a it's a it's a not i mean it's

[22:21] ballet so it's not operatic but like the adjective operatic operatic

[22:25] film and has operatic emotions and and outsize sort of sense of like just but

[22:31] we have this so without ever feeling like it takes place in a total fantasy

[22:35] world yeah you'll there's so much there's so much grounding of it in real

[22:39] new york locations in the shooting of those locations

[22:42] when crazy things happen

[22:44] they feel

[22:44] crazy it doesn't feel like a terry gilliam movie where and i like to him a

[22:48] lot

[22:48] but when something crazy happens a terry gilliam movie it's not surprising

[22:51] because he's been shooting the whole thing with an a loopy cameras and fish

[22:54] eye lenses and things like that the the movie actually made me understand

[22:59] what people like about italian like horror and thriller like thriller

[23:04] cinema because i finally actually could kinda understand

[23:09] like that that uh... that same sort of like

[23:12] uh...

[23:13] not necessarily fantasy but like

[23:15] uh... you know it does seem to exist in a slightly skewed reality

[23:21] heightened universe

[23:23] yeah universe where everyone loves ballet a universe that's slightly taller than this one

[23:29] a universe that smells a little more like vanilla there are people who love ballet

[23:33] it wasn't like she was on the cover of time magazine and on television and

[23:35] things like that you're going to choose that out of all my offhand comments to latch on to

[23:41] that's the most recent one

[23:43] but but going back toy story three was amazing but toy story three is great

[23:46] it's a and it's

[23:47] they've they managed to take characters who have been around for

[23:51] over a decade and have had two other movies and make them still feel

[23:54] fresh and interesting and still like

[23:56] find a thing for the characters to do that they haven't done before

[23:59] that's both

[24:01] way farther over the top than something they've done before

[24:04] and at the same time feels

[24:06] correct and feels really good

[24:08] you manage to make a children's movie

[24:10] where the heroes

[24:12] accept the imminent the imminent coming of their own death

[24:16] in a way that is not

[24:17] too dark in a way that feels right

[24:21] and uh... that scary baby was scarier than anything else

[24:26] that was way scarier than anything in black swan

[24:29] the first time you see that baby it's like what is going on

[24:32] yeah I'll cut my fingernails off any day I just don't want to see that fucking baby

[24:36] it's like it disposes of a villain in the most horrific way possible like

[24:40] lotso's final uh...

[24:42] final fate in that movie

[24:45] I don't want to spoil it

[24:47] yeah let's not spoil it for all the kids you can tell me afterwards I don't remember what it is

[24:51] uh... he

[24:53] you can imagine he exists in sort of a toy purgatory for the rest of his days

[24:56] let's say that

[24:58] oh I remember what he does now yeah the rape yeah the prison rape scene

[25:02] yeah but uh... was that not in the movie when you saw it

[25:05] I did see the X version you may have seen an early cut it's like a theatrical release of clue they put different endings

[25:11] and one of the endings was directed by Pasolini

[25:15] no it's true what you say though about this being a good year for um...

[25:18] for solid movies for solid studio pictures too because also uh...

[25:22] true grit like I

[25:24] I like my Coen brothers movies a little more Coen-y than that me too

[25:28] but of the non Coen-y Coen brothers movies that might be my favorite like I saw it

[25:32] twice within the space of a week during uh... the Christmas season because I saw it here and then like I

[25:38] watched it with uh... family at home

[25:41] and uh... I enjoyed it just as much the second time it just really held up it was

[25:45] just fun all the way through actually

[25:48] until it got sad

[25:49] but that was a very short part of the end

[25:52] I was just amazed that during the

[25:54] sound editing or sound mixing reel

[25:56] they give away part of the climax of the movie during the Oscars on Sunday

[26:02] they show one character shooting another character in the chest

[26:06] and it's two of the main characters and it's like

[26:07] oh okay I guess that was it was worth ruining that for the people who haven't seen the movie so that we could get an idea of what the sound mixing was like

[26:12] that was the best edited sound in the whole movie

[26:15] it was head and shoulders above the rest of the movie

[26:19] I know there was a scene where there was like a knife cutting off fingers

[26:22] and a gunshot

[26:24] but that's not the and crackling fire that's not the scene with the great sound

[26:28] they had to use someone putting cellophane near the microphone

[26:32] but they had to mix it it's all in the mix just like those old Twix ads that were really lame

[26:35] yeah sure

[26:39] I was just trying to get us back in time

[26:42] well those Twix ads were pretty lame

[26:46] they did not really exemplify the deliciousness that uh... Twix is

[26:51] no they tried to get Twix onto the hip hop bandwagon

[26:55] so this year's Twix awards were a real shame

[26:59] well they're just for the best of two of something in one package usually goes to light bulbs

[27:05] it's really disappointing

[27:07] or like d batteries

[27:09] not even not even compact fluorescents just like old-timey light bulbs

[27:13] well it's a lifetime achievement award

[27:16] for being packed in packages of two for decades

[27:20] uh... but like they weren't they I think it may have

[27:23] bothered people that there was no nothing in this year's academy awards that was like

[27:27] crazy

[27:28] the craziest thing was an old man

[27:31] appearing and not being dead

[27:33] and they didn't do any

[27:34] well years ago they did that thing where they got like five past winners

[27:38] standing in a circle there was nothing like that that could draw everyone's hatred

[27:42] so the hatred was spread out throughout the awards here's something crazy here's something I'll bring up

[27:46] that was the worst last year

[27:47] and again I was saying like

[27:49] I know it's the academy awards we're going to hear celebrities talk about how great celebrities are

[27:52] but these people were already nominated for

[27:54] best actress or best actor

[27:55] do I need to see every one of them given a testimonial by some other person

[27:59] anyway it was overkill but they didn't do it this year

[28:02] uh... here's something that I'll single out as a crazy moment that I'm still baffled by

[28:06] Annette Bening's dress looking like spider-man

[28:09] no

[28:11] I don't even know what that means

[28:13] but it looked like spider-man's suit

[28:15] cape lance's dress looking like the old superheroes where you'd rub them in the middle and their

[28:18] decal would show up that shows what team they were on

[28:24] battle beasts

[28:26] no uh... the ann hathaway's song

[28:30] oh the hugh jackman one that didn't make any sense

[28:32] yeah where she was singing at hugh jackman that was a low point for me

[28:36] hassling him

[28:38] and she she performed it well

[28:40] but there was no real lovely singer

[28:41] it doesn't make any sense Hugh Jackman upcoming star of the movie robot boxer or whatever the fuck he is

[28:46] yeah what's it called? steal something?

[28:49] it should be called real steel

[28:51] it should be called roboxer which I think is also the name of a popular line of dildos

[28:57] well that this is

[28:58] that movie is based on a short story that they made a twilight zone episode out of

[29:02] so like that story's been around for a long time I don't know what the title was

[29:05] so it's not like some hip young streamer came up with the idea of a robot boxer

[29:09] robot boxer

[29:13] yeah but that I mean I don't even know what that I mean that was clearly plugging a hole

[29:16] in the telecast hello

[29:18] oh I get it

[29:21] something was there I assume at some point but they didn't need it

[29:25] yeah they didn't need it the show's already too long if something falls out just let it fall

[29:29] unless they were killing time and she was making up that song as she went along

[29:32] because like in which case she's a brilliant musical inspiration

[29:35] like the next presenter like

[29:38] hadn't arrived yet

[29:39] she's the next wayne brady guys am I right?

[29:42] yeah everyone wayne brady wait who's that that's a that's a reference

[29:45] that is a reference

[29:48] musical improv

[29:49] wayne brady yeah he hasn't done that in years

[29:53] keep it rolling shut it down let's get it rolling shut it yeah thank you shut it down

[29:57] I'm just doing it to myself

[29:59] uh...

[30:00] Yeah, that was a stupid thing to have and even like the auto-tuned movie scenes

[30:05] I thought I was gonna hate but I kind of enjoyed a little bit. Yeah, and I and the musical number

[30:09] I just thought was stupid

[30:10] Yeah, it's well didn't Randy Newman do a musical number. They performed the best song nominees

[30:15] I don't like that, but they're gonna do it every year

[30:17] So I would rather they do that and whatever they did last time though where they just do like a medley

[30:23] Yeah, I had a smash-up. I can't remember. It was bad

[30:27] Cast a glee get up there and jump around

[30:29] I mean kids if you're going to nominate something where you can literally like show the basically the entire nominated thing

[30:36] You know and and it's it's a performance of some kind like go ahead and do that

[30:41] Like I don't mind having songs break up except it was better this year when they did best score. They didn't have dancers

[30:48] That's true. That's always been bad in the past

[30:50] It was good that they didn't do at this time

[30:52] That almost makes up for the fact that the theme that the theme of the night was

[30:56] Best picture winners that aren't really that great as movies. Yeah, they managed it

[31:01] They're like, let's take a bet. Let's take a look back at some of the most amazing best picture winners gone with the wind

[31:06] Titanic

[31:07] Lotr Return of the King like it was almost like they were trying so hard to be like see we give this award to movies

[31:13] You guys like normal people go to these movies. Yeah, it's not all hurt lockers is

[31:19] yeah, if they're gonna do a

[31:22] journey through American cinema like they might as well have just

[31:27] Ended the yes

[31:30] Just jettisoned the Oscars for that. Like no one was gonna notice like no one in the audience like

[31:36] These are not Oscar winners. They're just be like, oh, these are great movies

[31:45] Yeah, you're right I think it's go through good movies of the past and remind people that they like movies

[31:50] Anyway, just reminding people that they like movies like hey, you know what I like movies

[31:53] Yeah, that's a thing that ultimately the Oscars are an advertisement for movies. No, they don't need to be so

[31:59] They don't need to tie to the brand. They don't need to waste our fucking time with

[32:04] 800 minutes of Bob Hope's ghost

[32:06] Telling us jokes from 60 years ago that we he that they already play on every Oscar

[32:11] I'm really glad they managed to fit a Back to the Future reference it

[32:15] They're required to buy some kind of Fausti impact

[32:19] Year late on that last year was the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future would have made perfect sense

[32:25] They always show some kind of a clip from Back to the Future though in like the visual effects

[32:29] Like real and shit or they Back to the Future Awards or the Christopher Lloyd like achievement award

[32:36] He that reminds me he was in Piranha 3d and so was mr

[32:40] Jerry O'Connell and Jerry O'Connell was robbed that he was not nominated for Best Supporting Actor this year for Piranha 3d

[32:46] It was really good. What were the nominee? There's some best supporting bikinis in that film. All right guys, Jerry

[32:52] Jeffrey Rush did not deserve that nomination as much as Jerry O'Connell did all Jeffrey Rush had to do was kind of look bemused and

[32:58] Say like oh, well, perhaps you will help you this way, you know in King's Speech. I

[33:04] Like Jeffrey Rush. I like him. I think he's really good

[33:07] I like that movie where Paul Reubens farts in his face

[33:12] It's that Mystery Men

[33:21] Vehicle sure a West Study film

[33:25] One of West Study's better films. Yeah, they what's disappointing about Mystery Men is they bet left out the best Mystery Men character the Strangler

[33:32] I'm not aware of the source material. Oh, it's from the Flaming Carrot comic books. Okay

[33:42] Yes, so you got uh, you got West Study was not

[33:47] Jeffrey Rush anyway, Dan you were in the

[33:52] Sorry lost to history. Yeah that thought it's here. It's gone. Yep

[33:56] I guess

[33:57] Oscars Ben Grimsby was nominated. I think Oscars. See you next year

[34:02] Yeah, I thought I I think overall I would call this a I would actually say it was a good good Oscars. Oh

[34:09] To bring back our rating system. Yeah

[34:12] Keeping in mind that the Oscars can never really be any better than like a beam. I can never be truly good

[34:16] Yes, the only way they could be truly good is if they were not them

[34:20] They were something else entirely if I go it's like if I got the best

[34:24] Hamburger

[34:25] Yes, exactly

[34:27] It's like there was like a melee where the celebrities were forced to fight each other. That might have been an interesting Oscars

[34:38] That would be fun, yeah, I'm gonna totally have some heart attacks. Yeah, I'm gonna tie it to that

[34:43] Well, I mean the Golden Globes is here. I found very entertaining because I found Ricky Gervais making everybody uncomfortable really entertaining

[34:52] So, that's not the but that's not the purpose of the Golden Globes, yeah, but I still enjoyed it

[34:56] I found it entertaining the same way that like if someone gets really drunk at a wedding and throws up everywhere

[35:01] It's pretty funny. But like that's not what's supposed to happen at a wedding. Yeah

[35:05] Yeah, but I would have liked somebody thrown up at the Oscars. I guess Elliot's saying he's mad at you for throwing up his wedding

[35:12] He didn't he said it wasn't a problem. I was trying to be nice and then you threw up more

[35:18] I wasn't giving you a license to continue to throw up in the middle of the dance floor

[35:23] If you get in the corner of the room, you kept telling me to do shots. You made me eat a third piece of cake

[35:28] I don't know why

[35:34] You didn't turn the air conditioning on even though I asked like five times

[35:38] I was hoping people would get really hot from dancing and it would turn into like a dance club party

[35:43] Okay, well, I guess we have something I was hoping you would sweat out the alcohol but apparently that didn't work no

[35:49] Human biology, we'll talk about that later. So I do have a couple of letters here from listeners letters

[35:57] Oh, it looks like the house cat is the mailman today

[36:03] House mail cat speed delivery this one

[36:07] It's appropriate because this letter is titled the flop house house cat makes me pee

[36:12] It's from Travis last name probably not withheld combs and it says do they add did he ask you not to?

[36:19] yes, okay, I

[36:22] Clearly, I will lift him on Mickey unless you know

[36:26] Unless you say specifically I will withheld withhold your last name just out of a overly gentlemanly sense of privacy

[36:32] Yes, I assume this is the brother of Sean Puffy comb. Yes

[36:35] We're Jeffrey combs my favorite actor in the world. There's

[36:39] A triplet I'd describe myself as a como sexual

[36:43] And that I would have sex with Jeffrey combs if he called me up

[36:46] Wouldn't it be a combs or sex como sexually sound like you want to have sex with Perry Cuomo?

[36:51] He'll have to wait till I'm done with Jeffrey Combs or governor Cuomo. Yeah, once again, he's at least fourth in line

[36:57] Yeah, oh that's gonna date this episode in future decades when people listen to this

[37:00] They'll be like

[37:06] Governor Cuomo was governor of New York. I thought it was about the

[37:11] Oscar season

[37:14] 2000 because it's 2,000 years in the future

[37:20] There's no relation actually to the original

[37:23] Teddy Ruffin they just

[37:25] It's a strange coincidence

[37:28] spinning truck

[37:30] work on it

[37:31] Dear whoppers, we're shopping that concept. It says there's not a podcast out there as consistently entertaining hilarious and dare

[37:37] I say informative as the flop house every time the flop house house cat comes out of nowhere with its patented

[37:46] That's my this terrible I

[37:49] Pee my pants laughing. No, it's a it's a small small letters for the raw raw and then a large all cats for the raw

[37:56] So it's like a jump scare in a horror movie a guy walks around the corner cue scary music

[38:02] Oh, what's that noise better? Check it out

[38:06] And BAM pants Pete

[38:09] And since I listen to your podcast

[38:13] I'm on at least my fourth listen through of everyone

[38:16] That's a lot of ruined pants

[38:17] But guess what? I don't care because I love the flop house and by extension the house cat so very much

[38:23] Oh, that's good, cuz we're not gonna pay you for the pants. Okay

[38:26] But he has an actual question and his question is this is there a movie you used to love a lot and as you you've

[38:32] Grown older you realize it's a pretentious piece of shit and can't stand to watch it anymore for me

[38:37] It's got to be bodies rest in motion with Phoebe Cates Bridget Fonda Tim Roth and Eric Stoltz

[38:42] When I was in high school in college

[38:44] I thought it was the height of genius and restrained symbolism and meaning I forced my friends to watch it all the while going all

[38:49] The while going see isn't that fucking genius now? I know the truth. It sucks

[38:54] Just wondering what you guys thinks were for used to be greats

[38:58] By the way, I enjoyed when guests are on but the flop house truly shines with the fab four of Dan Stewart

[39:04] Elliot and the flop house house

[39:06] Those are the shows that you really appreciate that when I go

[39:09] So he just walked out of the room

[39:15] He knows he's the star

[39:17] You sometimes he's just walking by carrying a plate with a cheese sandwich on it

[39:21] Just leans over towards the microphones and right yowls and then walks away not even an appropriate time. No

[39:27] You know to answer your question

[39:28] I don't know if I'd say I thought it was really deep but a movie that I used to love and then I recently bought

[39:33] It on DVD because it was re-released is LA confidential and on watching watching it kind of recently

[39:42] It's slow. It's kind of slower like the pacing isn't quite as good and

[39:47] Like it feels cheaper than I remember it feeling like

[39:51] Maybe it was because in between I had read I had read the book

[39:54] But um, yeah, just it it feels it feels like the world is

[40:00] It's less believable than I originally thought.

[40:02] Like, it looks like everything's made out of, like, paper now, you know?

[40:06] Like, the set seems strange.

[40:08] Like, it just doesn't work for me anymore.

[40:10] I think this is not a movie that I love by any means, but it's a movie that I liked

[40:17] when I was a teenager and was much more susceptible to angst.

[40:22] Like, I think this is in the spirit of Bodies, Rest and Motion.

[40:24] Like, at the time, I remember enjoying Pump Up the Volume, and now, like,

[40:31] that is the biggest, like, pile of horse shit ever to be, like,

[40:34] stuffed down, like, a grumpy teenager's throat.

[40:38] Like, that is just a bunch of nonsense, that movie.

[40:42] I mean, it's no Cuffs.

[40:43] It is no Cuffs.

[40:45] Cuffs is a delightful Buffalo Hills cop rip-off.

[40:48] I mean, this is hard for me to say.

[40:49] I want to talk about Cuffs in more detail later, by the way.

[40:52] This is hard for me to say, but I guess I'd have to say The Jerky Boys movie.

[40:56] No, actually, it's a good question, where I'm going to have to think about it more.

[41:00] A movie that I watched recently and I still liked a lot, but I didn't love it as much,

[41:05] was The Dark Crystal, which as a kid...

[41:07] Wow, I can't believe that you still like it at all.

[41:10] Well, as a kid, I adored it, and watching it again as an adult, like,

[41:13] I really like a lot of the monsters in it, and I like a bunch of the scenes in it,

[41:17] but it just doesn't hold together the same way that it once did,

[41:20] and I have always hated the main characters, so that didn't help that.

[41:23] They're creepy looking.

[41:24] I think I've been on record as saying, like,

[41:27] they look like the drawings of pedophiles or something.

[41:29] Like, there's a very strange look to them.

[41:32] So, I guess I'll be changing my Halloween costume.

[41:35] Thanks, Dan.

[41:36] And as much as I hate to say it, I've mentioned Terry Gilliam earlier.

[41:39] I think if I watched Brazil Now, I haven't seen it since college,

[41:44] and I first saw it in high school, and I watched a lot since then,

[41:47] and I think I would not love it.

[41:51] I don't think I would be as amazed by it as I was when I first saw it.

[41:53] I think that Brazil holds up.

[41:54] I think that the Fisher King doesn't hold up that well.

[41:57] Well, the ending of Brazil, I mean, it's kind of ripping off Repo Men, so...

[42:03] Zing!

[42:04] And also, and I'd say...

[42:05] Take that, Repo Men.

[42:06] A movie I just don't like as much anymore is Dr. Strangelove,

[42:11] which when I was younger, I liked a lot, and now I find it all right.

[42:14] You know, it's okay.

[42:14] I haven't seen that in years.

[42:16] When I first saw it, that was one of my favorite movies ever.

[42:18] Yeah, I used to love it, but, you know.

[42:22] And The Great Bikini Offroad Adventure actually has gotten better over time.

[42:27] Makes its reappearance.

[42:28] I thought you were going to say, since the advent of the internet,

[42:32] it seems like there's a lot less nudity in that film than I originally thought.

[42:36] Yeah, but that's part of the joy, is teasing out those little bits of nudity.

[42:41] I find that there are more movies that I didn't like,

[42:43] and I watch them again, and I like them more than vice versa.

[42:47] Like, or movies that I come to appreciate more.

[42:49] Like, when I was a kid, I didn't like the movie Meet Me in St. Louis at all,

[42:53] but when I watch it now, I really love it.

[42:55] Like, it's a really good movie and a really good musical.

[42:59] I actually find that my thing was, when I was younger,

[43:02] I had a lot more time to watch classic films.

[43:07] Just like, just time on my hands to watch classic.

[43:10] Also, I was more open to watching more challenging movies because...

[43:15] Like Straight Talk?

[43:17] Yes, Straight Talk, starring Dolly Parton.

[43:20] Like Another Stakeout?

[43:21] James would.

[43:22] No, but I would also watch more challenging movies when I was younger because

[43:27] I didn't have the pressures of living an adult life, and so I can enjoy that.

[43:32] Now, I find myself actually turning into a stupider person

[43:36] slowly when it comes to my movie consumption,

[43:39] where I really will, on occasion, be one of those guys like,

[43:42] I don't want to watch the movie that I know is actually good.

[43:44] Let's go see Drive Angry in 3D.

[43:46] Yeah, but that's my shameful confession.

[43:51] Very shameful.

[43:52] See, I used to watch a lot more monster movies when I was younger.

[43:54] So like...

[43:55] We're trading places.

[43:56] Yeah, I saw Terror of Mechagodzilla any number of times.

[44:02] And so the second email has no...

[44:07] What?

[44:08] It's not signed.

[44:09] No text.

[44:10] It says, hey dear, I am for a decent man.

[44:13] As for me, I am a young Russian girl.

[44:16] Do you like Russian women?

[44:18] They are not just beautiful and smart, but very tolerant too.

[44:21] I love the Flophouse house cat.

[44:22] Russian women value family and try to be with their husbands as much as possible.

[44:27] It's time to get to know each other.

[44:28] See you on marriage agency.

[44:30] Cheerio.

[44:32] Cheerio.

[44:33] This seems to me like not a real email, but rather an advertisement.

[44:40] That would have worked better if I hadn't broken up in laughter several times

[44:44] and my own stupid joke while reading it.

[44:48] Wait, what the fuck's going on?

[44:50] I thought some Russian woman was writing this.

[44:51] Stuart is currently applying some sort of salve to his knuckles

[44:54] in preparation for I assume punching Dan.

[44:59] I think it's going to go a lot smoother.

[45:02] Trust me, my skin is going to crack a lot less.

[45:06] The trick that Dan's going to employ is I'm going to punch him a bunch

[45:09] and then he's going to wait till the very end, then punch me in the back.

[45:11] Oh, you're going to go down.

[45:13] But it's going to be very boring up until that point.

[45:15] It's going to go for 15 minutes and you're just going to hear commentators going,

[45:18] how can he take this punishment?

[45:20] They should stop the fight.

[45:22] Well, you're going to do some crack.

[45:24] Now that that shameful chapter...

[45:27] Jump out a window onto a pile of garbage.

[45:29] It's over.

[45:30] Now that our long national email nightmare is over.

[45:33] I want to take a moment to say that I've put a donation button up on the website

[45:39] because I do spend some money producing this podcast.

[45:43] It's surprising, I know, but there are bandwidth costs.

[45:46] There's movie rental costs.

[45:48] And Stuart and I do not kick anything.

[45:49] Other things.

[45:51] So...

[45:52] We steal from Dan.

[45:53] Actually, whenever we're here, we take something from his apartment, yeah.

[45:56] From his little change dish.

[45:58] If you're in a place in your life where you can toss some money towards a stupid podcast.

[46:05] I'm not...

[46:05] I don't want people who are having or struggling in this economy.

[46:08] At a time like this when the economy is booming.

[46:10] Yeah.

[46:12] No, I don't want anyone who's struggling to be giving us any money,

[46:16] because really, that would be stupid.

[46:18] If it's a choice between the Flophouse and your next meal.

[46:21] However, if you say you won a bunch of bucks on your Oscar poll.

[46:24] Yeah.

[46:25] Yeah.

[46:27] Say you're an eccentric millionaire.

[46:29] Okay, like a Scrooge McDuck, maybe?

[46:31] Or better yet.

[46:34] Well, not better yet.

[46:35] But if anyone listening knows an eccentric millionaire who loves bad movies.

[46:39] Yep, they're...

[46:40] Introduce them to this podcast.

[46:42] Roger Corman.

[46:44] Jerry Bruckheimer.

[46:45] You just described Roger Corman and Jerry Bruckheimer.

[46:47] And the late Don Simpson.

[46:49] And through the handy donate button at www.flophousepodcast.com,

[46:56] they can toss some of their eccentric millions our way.

[46:59] And we mean like, because they're eccentric.

[47:02] Not like a million...

[47:03] No, I want the eccentric...

[47:04] The Googles or something, you know?

[47:06] A million crazy bucks.

[47:08] Space bucks.

[47:09] Yeah.

[47:10] Oh, I don't know.

[47:12] I can take some space bucks.

[47:14] Okay.

[47:15] They'll be helpful in the future.

[47:16] What?

[47:16] I'd love to see a really serious science fiction movie where they just call the money space bucks.

[47:21] I do. I do want to take...

[47:22] Everything's just...

[47:23] It's a really well-made, really philosophical science fiction movie.

[47:26] But it's always like, take a seat in that space chair.

[47:29] Are you ready for space lunch?

[47:30] I do want to take a moment to say, though.

[47:32] Hey, space friends.

[47:34] Thank you to two people who did donate.

[47:36] I don't want this to turn into film spotting,

[47:39] where it seems like half of the podcast is them listing the names of people who donated.

[47:43] We're train spotting.

[47:44] We're all heroin addicts.

[47:46] That'd be even worse.

[47:47] But I want to say thank you.

[47:48] Then we'd need more money.

[47:50] Thank you to Dean C and Lou S for tossing some money.

[47:54] Thank you very much.

[47:55] Thank you.

[47:55] Folks, you're the best.

[47:57] Speaking of delicious donations.

[48:00] Delicious donations.

[48:00] Yeah, delicious.

[48:01] What do you guys think of the chicken we had for Oscar night?

[48:04] It was pretty good, right?

[48:05] It was delicious.

[48:07] So are you going to try and get donations?

[48:08] And that was Not Just Chicken from Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.

[48:12] So if you're listening, Not Just Chicken and Bensonhurst,

[48:15] mail us some chicken over the email.

[48:18] It was delicious.

[48:19] So normally now we would do some recommendations,

[48:22] but I had an off-topic story I wanted to tell.

[48:24] I think...

[48:25] Well, I'm sold.

[48:27] Did one of you have an off-topic story you wanted to tell?

[48:30] I feel like one of you also had something that you wanted to address.

[48:32] Well, Stu, you wanted to talk about becoming a track previous.

[48:34] We kind of talked about that before the podcast.

[48:36] Yeah, I think I've burned myself out.

[48:38] Basically came down to complaining about sucker punch.

[48:40] Yeah.

[48:41] Okay, well, so I want to tell the story.

[48:43] I will not sucker that punch.

[48:45] I want to tell you guys a story about the internet.

[48:48] Okay.

[48:49] So...

[48:50] You discovered internet pornography again?

[48:53] Again.

[48:54] I have that memento disease.

[48:56] Yeah, he had the Men in Blackitis.

[48:58] They call it Memento's disease.

[49:00] The same disease that Memento had.

[49:02] I've tattooed on my body, porn, try the internet.

[49:08] And I'm excited every time I see it.

[49:10] Now, I was chatting with my brother on Gmail chat.

[49:17] And the subject of Inspector Gadget came up.

[49:21] Because my brother...

[49:22] This is off-topic.

[49:23] Is obsessed with childish things as I am.

[49:27] And he's older than I am.

[49:29] But he was talking about how, you know...

[49:31] So you figure as long as he's doing it, it's okay for you too.

[49:33] Yeah, yeah.

[49:34] As long as we maintain the same relationship between our ages, it's fine.

[49:40] One of you better not go into space.

[49:41] Yeah.

[49:43] But...

[49:44] Bring back a bunch of space books.

[49:47] No, that would be good.

[49:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[49:49] No, you should do that.

[49:50] Astro shoes.

[49:52] But my brother brought up how much he had always liked the score to Inspector Gadget.

[49:57] And that, you know, I had waves...

[50:00] come over me, I go to YouTube, I look at some Inspector Gadget related videos on YouTube

[50:06] and I scroll down to the comments section and one comment on one of the Inspector Gadget

[50:12] related videos catches my eye and it simply says, ìWhat if Penny met a dinosaur?î In

[50:21] all like small letters, there was something sort of plaintive about it that caught my

[50:26] eye. I found this particularly beguiling. Is there anybody listening to me here? What

[50:35] if Penny met a dinosaur? My message in a bottle. A question that will never be answered by

[50:42] Canonical Inspector Gadget. Certainly not by Deke, the animation studio that did Inspector

[50:46] Gadget. So I posted about this actually on Facebook. I posted about the ìWhat if Penny

[50:53] met a dinosaur?î comment on Facebook. A firestorm of Inspector Gadget commentary erupts

[51:00] but my friend Kelly says that she thinks that if you plugged the phrase ìWhat if Penny

[51:06] met a dinosaur?î into the internet, then you would reach the end of the internet. So

[51:11] I actually Google this. I Google ìWhat if Penny met a dinosaur?î

[51:14] Your job really absorbs you. You get full satisfaction from it.

[51:20] Thereís a point when a job becomes a career, Elliot. Itís called the Terminus S, if you will.

[51:26] So following this train, itís like All the Presidentís Men. Iím following the money.

[51:32] Youíre following the penny.

[51:34] Yeah, the money train.

[51:35] So I click on another link that Google coughs up for me and it appears to be some sort of

[51:45] bondage-inflected illustration of an older Penny. Whatís the rule? If it exists, thereís

[51:55] pornography related to it. Itís like a rule 34.

[51:58] Yeah, I think Socrates came up with that.

[52:00] No, this is like an internet meme. Like if it exists, thereís pornography. But thereís

[52:04] a bondage-themed photo and I scroll down wondering whyÖ

[52:08] Like a photo or aÖ

[52:09] Not photo. Sorry. Itís an illustration. Itís a cartoon.

[52:13] Whatís drawing style? Like Ashcan School or what?

[52:16] I donít know. Itís an older Penny tied up.

[52:19] But I scroll down to the comment section of this.

[52:22] Because of course this has comments as well.

[52:25] And in the comments, someone says, ìWhat if Penny met a dinosaur?î

[52:30] So what you thought was a kind of adorable plaintive cry turns out was a request for

[52:36] bondage-themedÖ

[52:37] Possibly.

[52:38] Övisuality Penny porn.

[52:39] So I go back to the Google search. I click on the next one down. Same site. A less disturbing

[52:46] illustration of Penny.

[52:47] Oh, thank goodness.

[52:48] I scroll down.

[52:49] Sheís doing better.

[52:50] I scroll down and again, ìWhat if Penny met a dinosaur?î So now Iím intrigued by this

[52:56] guy. I click on this guyísÖ

[52:57] You are bordering dangerously close to an obsession that will lead you into a web of

[53:01] deceit and seduction.

[53:04] Itís going to lead me to fear.com.

[53:07] No, I like the seduction angle.

[53:09] So I click on this guyís username and I find thisÖ

[53:14] Love Games. Starring Dan.

[53:17] I click on this guyís username and I get this message that says, ìThis user has been

[53:22] permanently banned from this site.î

[53:24] Wow.

[53:25] For, I assume, asking too much about Penny and this fucking dinosaur.

[53:29] Yeah. You asked the wrong questions. You made some powerful enemies on the Penny bondage site.

[53:34] He followed the money trail.

[53:36] Yeah. So guys, IÖ

[53:38] To me, what youíre saying is donít go chasing waterfalls.

[53:43] What I loved about this whole experience, though, was like peeling back the layers of

[53:47] the onion. There was always something new to discover.

[53:50] So are you plugging being a fucking kid detective? Like, what?

[53:54] And letís look at what you discovered. You discovered that thereís an Inspector Gadget

[53:59] themed bondage porn site and that someone has irritated the moderator of this site.

[54:06] Fucking congratulations, dude.

[54:08] You cracked it.

[54:09] Yeah. Super salute McCoy over here.

[54:11] Regular Encyclopedia Brown.

[54:14] You get the fucking key to the city. Key to the internet.

[54:18] Oh, itís too bad your dad, the police chief, canít tell anyone about his genius detective son.

[54:24] Oh, man.

[54:27] You guys donít understand the beauty of what Iíve discovered.

[54:30] Because you know when you start turning over rocks, youíre going to find some snails.

[54:34] Yeah, thatís for sure.

[54:36] It was a fitting story for this bad movie podcast.

[54:41] But guys, seriously, I guess what Iím asking isÖ

[54:43] I guess ultimately, though, what Iím asking is, what if Penny met a dinosaur?

[54:47] Because that commenter was me.

[54:54] Yeah, I donít know what would happen.

[54:57] Sheíd probably get eaten by the dinosaur.

[54:59] Depends on the kind of dinosaur.

[55:00] Yeah, well, a brontosaurus probably wouldnít eat her.

[55:02] Yeah, yeah. It would eat vegetables.

[55:05] Yeah, vegetables.

[55:06] Unless she and fucking Brain were dressed up as like a tree or something.

[55:10] Which, who knows, one of Inspector Gadgetís employees might have made that happen.

[55:14] Brain always had to hide in costumes.

[55:16] Because the sight of a dog would destroy him.

[55:20] And then Inspector Gadget would say, ìItís a mad agent!î

[55:24] And then wacky hijinks would ensue, guys. Remember?

[55:26] Yeah, and Don Adams would deposit the check in his bank account.

[55:31] And then go on to do some Wendyís commercials.

[55:33] Yeah, I see.

[55:35] Anyway, so thatís my story.

[55:38] Well, thatís not really your story.

[55:41] That was likeÖ

[55:42] Itís part of like humanityís grander story.

[55:44] Well, itís going to be my story when I write a screenplay about it.

[55:46] Itís like an H.P. Lovecraft story where someoneís reading through like journal entries left behind.

[55:50] Except instead of a monster, it was the dumbest question ever asked.

[55:54] Okay, so weíve wasted so much time on this thatÖ

[55:58] I mean, like, if weíre going to doÖ

[56:00] I mean, wasted.

[56:02] Thatís a harsh way to put it.

[56:03] Yeah, whatís going on?

[56:05] I donít know whether we should even do recommendations.

[56:07] Letís save them for next time.

[56:08] Letís save them.

[56:10] I do want to do a plug, though, before we leave.

[56:13] Sure.

[56:14] I want to plug this bondage penny website.

[56:16] Iíll fucking kill you.

[56:18] Itís DeviantArt.

[56:21] The plug is forÖ

[56:23] I just did a guest spot on another podcast that will be released this Friday.

[56:28] So shortly beforeÖ

[56:29] It drops this Friday.

[56:30] Yeah, it drops this Friday.

[56:31] Shortly before this podcast actually gets put out.

[56:36] So by the time you hear this, itíll be there.

[56:37] Yeah, itíll be available for you.

[56:39] Itís called Read It and Weep.

[56:41] Itís this podcast that is actually a bad book podcast.

[56:45] Itís a comments podcast.

[56:48] And for this bad book podcast, I had to suffer through the audio book of City of Bonesí Mortal Instruments.

[56:57] And itís actually not finished.

[56:58] I suffered through the first half because itís a long enough book that this podcast is going to be split into two.

[57:04] Iím going to be recording two separate episodes.

[57:07] But the first City of Bones Mortal Instruments podcast has me as a guest.

[57:14] So I will put a link to Read It and Weep on our website, flophousepodcast.com.

[57:19] How convenient.

[57:20] Thank you.

[57:21] Yeah.

[57:22] Guys, do you have anything you want to plug?

[57:23] This willÖ

[57:24] I know youíre showing Desperate Rides again, but this is going to go after that.

[57:27] Yeah, Iím doing it tomorrow.

[57:29] Iíll just plug my movie series, Closely Watch Films, for anyone in New York.

[57:32] First Wednesday of every month at 92i Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street, Manhattan.

[57:38] Itíll be too late to have seen Desperate Rides again by the time this airs.

[57:41] But on April 6th, I will be showing the Fritz Lang spy thriller, Ministry of Fear, with Ray Moland,

[57:48] where Ray Moland is released from an insane asylum, wins a cake at a county fair,

[57:53] and then is chased by Nazis who want that cake.

[57:56] And itís a really fun movie.

[57:58] And Iím trying to get a special guest for it, but I donít have him yet, so I donít want to say who it is.

[58:02] But thatíll be the first Wednesday in April.

[58:05] And I want to briefly promote, March 19th, there will be a delightful Purim party here in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

[58:14] Yeah, whenever Purim is.

[58:15] At Charleneís Bar on Flatbush Avenue.

[58:17] I totally recommend going because Iíll be there and maybe Iíll drag these two guys along.

[58:22] Sounds like a delightful way to spend your Purim.

[58:25] Dan can dress up like Heyman, and we can throw things at him.

[58:29] Yeah, this is a Jewish holiday Dan is just learning of now.

[58:32] Iíve heard it spoken of. I know nothing about it.

[58:36] Elliot will be dressed up as Esther.

[58:38] Iíll tell you the story of Esther and Heyman.

[58:40] I think Elliot might be helping us do the costume contest judging.

[58:44] Yes, if Iím not, I may be returning from Paris that day, but if Iím not,

[58:48] then I will be helping judge the costume contest, and I hope I am judging the costume contest.

[58:53] Okay, now what do we do?

[58:54] Well, now we sign off. For the Flophouse, Iím Dan McCoy.

[59:00] Iím Stuart Wellington.

[59:02] Iím Elliot Cantlin.

[59:05] Guys.

[59:06] That was a sad ending. Whatís going on?

[59:08] I was trying to go for, I want to get a best actor for the potties.

[59:12] What if Penny met a dinosaur?

[59:14] Well, here we go again.

[59:24] What if he feels like he needs to hip or hop?

[59:26] I would give you the opposite of the normal advice, which is donít stop.

[59:30] I would say stop immediately.

[59:32] What if he has to pop or loft? What should he do?

[59:34] He should loft, being uncharacteristically quiet, Stuart.

[59:37] Iím trying to remember all my M&M raps.

[59:40] You mean raps about M&Ms?

[59:42] Yeah, where those two M&Ms rap about that one green M&M they want to fuck.

The Flop House's Third Annual Awards Floptacular

Transcript

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