The Flop House's Third Annual Awards Floptacular

Dan McCoy

[0:00] Welcome back. We're continuing our coverage of the third annual awards Floptacular, the night when all the podcast stars come out to shine, despite such a thing not existing.

[0:10] And who do I see coming down the red carpet but Daily Show writer and Flophouse co-host, Elliot Kalin, resplendent in an English walking coat and a backpack.

[0:20] And here's his other host, Stuart Wellington, walking past in a Speedo, giant belt buckle, and not much else.

[0:25] And here comes the third part of the co-hosting triumvirate, Dan McCoy in a tuxedo made entirely of sadness.

[0:33] Not sure how they manage that.

[0:35] And, oh my god, it's the Flophouse house cat.

[0:38] House cat, who are you wearing tonight?

[0:40] Meow.

[0:41] Heh heh heh.

[0:43] Alright.

[0:44] Well, the stars are all inside, so let's join them in the historic Dan's Apartment Theater for the third annual awards Floptacular.

[0:52] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:55] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:56] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:58] And here comes Elliot Kalin, coming up third.

[1:00] Coming down the street.

[1:02] Bronze.

[1:04] I'm glad to just have gotten a medal.

[1:06] Glad to just made it onto the podium.

Dan McCoy

[1:08] It's an honor to be nominated.

Elliott Kalan

[1:10] Hey.

[1:10] Hey, there's a segue.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] Not everyone can be a Leonardo.

[1:15] Da Vinci.

Elliott Kalan

[1:16] And segue diverted.

Dan McCoy

[1:18] So, this is the annual podcast Floptacular.

[1:24] The Oscar.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25] The Oscar wrap-up.

[1:26] We've done 83 of these.

[1:28] Yeah.

[1:28] Or this will be our 83rd?

Dan McCoy

[1:29] No, we've done three of them.

[1:31] And there's always been a file problem before.

[1:34] Some sort of audio problem.

[1:36] This is the most cursed episode of the Flophouse.

[1:38] More than Babylon AD?

[1:39] I'm hoping to break it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:39] The fabled lost episode of the Flophouse?

Dan McCoy

[1:42] Yeah.

[1:42] Well, Babylon AD broke the computer.

[1:46] The computer rejected it.

[1:48] It was like, wait.

[1:49] Another Vin Diesel science fiction epic?

[1:52] No, thank you.

[1:53] It was the Babylon Babies, right?

[1:55] What?

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] Wasn't that the original title?

[1:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[1:57] I think that's what the book about it was.

[2:00] Babylon Babies.

[2:00] The book it was based on was called.

[2:01] Yeah.

[2:02] I think you're thinking of the movie Solar Babies.

Elliott Kalan

[2:04] My mistake.

[2:05] I think you're thinking of the Million Dollar Babies tour.

[2:07] Billion Dollar Babies.

[2:08] Whatever the Kiss tour was.

[2:09] I think you're thinking of the Million Dollar Duck.

Stuart Wellington

[2:11] Alice Cooper, not Kiss.

Elliott Kalan

[2:12] Million Dollar Duck, indeed.

[2:13] I think you're thinking of the Billion Dollar Brain.

[2:16] The Harry Palmer movie.

[2:18] Okay.

[2:18] Harry Potter?

[2:19] Yes, the Harry Potter movie.

[2:20] I know a lot about that.

[2:22] Hogwarts.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] So, guys.

[2:24] We've gotten into things that sound like other things earlier than usual.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] We did it.

[2:28] We broke a record.

Dan McCoy

[2:29] But we should talk about the authors.

[2:31] How did we do, Guinness man?

[2:32] Well.

Elliott Kalan

[2:32] You're just short of the world record.

[2:35] You gotta go a little faster next time.

[2:38] Thanks, Guinness man.

Dan McCoy

[2:40] That's just a guy who enjoys Guinness.

[2:42] That's not actually.

[2:43] Yeah, you've been working on that.

[2:43] I thought he was from the World Records organization.

Elliott Kalan

[2:47] He was drinking a Guinness beer.

[2:48] Yeah.

[2:49] With a stopwatch.

[2:52] So, the Oscars.

[2:53] Yep, dunking the stopwatch in the beer, though.

[2:55] So, I don't know what that was about.

[2:58] Oscars.

[2:58] Well, tonight was a night for Oscar, by which I mean last week.

[3:02] So, we watched the movie Oscar starring.

[3:03] No.

[3:04] So, I do mean starring.

[3:05] Starring Kirk Douglas.

[3:07] Oh.

[3:08] Also star of this year's Oscar.

[3:10] Maybe this segue will take.

[3:11] Sure, okay.

[3:12] We have to keep transplanting segues until the podcast stops rejecting them.

Dan McCoy

[3:18] I'm sorry.

[3:19] So.

[3:19] There was nothing we could do.

Elliott Kalan

[3:21] The Academy Awards.

[3:22] What a night.

[3:23] What a glittery, gladdery night.

[3:25] The sky was dark.

[3:27] Glattery.

[3:28] I hate to be the guy.

[3:30] I hate to be the contrarian.

[3:31] Okay.

[3:32] But it seems pretty.

[3:33] I don't think you do.

[3:33] I actually enjoy it.

[3:35] The popular consensus seemed to be that this is the worst.

[3:37] This was not only the worst Oscars, but the worst television thing ever.

[3:40] When I actually enjoyed it quite a bit, and I thought they did a good job.

[3:44] So.

Dan McCoy

[3:44] I liked it just fine myself.

[3:46] And I think that your tweet was to the point when you had something about the people who were at the first Oscars ever declaring it to be the worst Oscars ever.

[3:56] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[3:57] I believe the tweet was, and we can check the record for this later, was, I don't know what it was.

[4:02] Something like.

[4:02] Headline.

[4:02] Headline from 1929.

[4:05] Worst Oscars ever, say attendees of first ever Oscars.

[4:08] Every year is called the worst ever.

[4:11] Yeah.

[4:11] And this year, it happened to be this year.

Dan McCoy

[4:13] And sometimes I agree, and sometimes I disagree.

[4:16] I also liked the Letterman hosted Oscars, which everyone hated.

[4:20] So.

Elliott Kalan

[4:20] Those I was mixed about.

[4:22] Man.

[4:23] But they certainly weren't as bad as people make them out.

Stuart Wellington

[4:25] What are people expecting?

[4:26] It's a fucking award show.

[4:27] They're boring as hell, basically.

Elliott Kalan

[4:28] It's a three and a half hour award show that's got a lot of fake pomposity, and it's got, every

[4:33] year they're like, it was so long.

[4:36] Why do I have to watch stars congratulating other stars for three hours?

[4:40] You don't, man.

[4:41] You can watch fucking reruns of The Sampsons, or Family Guy, or whatever.

[4:44] Or Family Gug.

[4:45] If ever there was a time in human history when you didn't have to watch the Oscars, it is

[4:51] now.

[4:51] When the options for human entertainment and time spending are as limitless as they've ever

[4:57] been.

[4:58] Yeah.

[4:58] We are literally living in the era of unprecedented choice in how you look at what you watch or

[5:05] experience.

Stuart Wellington

[5:06] I mean, if television commercials are to be believed, even the people in the audience could

[5:10] have watched something completely different on their phone.

[5:13] On their phones.

[5:13] On their phone.

[5:13] They could have entered the cloud.

Elliott Kalan

[5:15] Or, you know what?

[5:16] Worst case scenario?

[5:16] Close your fucking eyes and make up a movie in your head, you know?

[5:20] Remember when you were a kid and you did it all the time when you were in your family's

[5:23] house of worship?

[5:24] Just do that again.

Stuart Wellington

[5:24] I was at a rest stop recently, and that's how they advertised a book on tape was a movie

[5:28] in the mind.

Dan McCoy

[5:30] I like that our argument in favor of the Oscars was, if you don't like it, why not imagine

[5:35] something, jerk?

Elliott Kalan

[5:36] Well, I just, people talked about it.

Stuart Wellington

[5:38] Didn't Steven Soderbergh use that as an acceptance speech a few years back?

Elliott Kalan

[5:41] But people talked about it as if the Oscars owes it to them to be entertaining to them.

[5:47] And it's good when the Oscars are entertaining because it's always good when something is

[5:51] entertaining and not boring.

[5:52] But like, exactly.

[5:53] What you said.

[5:54] So like, what were they expecting from this?

[5:56] What did they think they were going to see?

[5:58] And then, and everyone, it's so funny because the minute Billy Crystal got, people were talking

[6:03] about, oh, when Billy Crystal got up, it was like, oh, why can't he host?

[6:06] And it's like, does anyone remember years ago when everyone was like, enough with the Billy

[6:09] Crystal already?

[6:10] Yeah.

[6:11] Enough with the fucking songs with all the movie titles in them.

[6:13] Are we going to do this for a ninth year?

[6:15] You know?

Dan McCoy

[6:15] Yeah.

[6:16] I think Billy Crystal is doing exactly what he needs to do right now, which is to do boring

[6:20] memoir shows on Broadway.

Elliott Kalan

[6:22] Well, that's the thing.

[6:22] When he starts talking about his history, it's like, oh, great.

[6:25] 700 Sundays right here on the Oscars.

[6:26] But that was like, I thought there was a lot about this Oscars too, that I enjoyed.

[6:31] And the main thing was just that the people at the Oscars looked like they were enjoying

[6:36] being at the Oscars.

[6:37] There wasn't this feeling of like, oh, another slog, another one of these shows.

[6:42] Like Anne Hathaway looked like she really enjoyed it.

[6:45] James Franco looked like, I don't know.

[6:47] But like-

[6:48] You rocked back and forth a lot, I think.

[6:49] But like even Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law looked like they were enjoying a little

[6:53] bit, their like bickering bit that they did.

[6:55] Kirk Douglas was obviously overjoyed to be on stage again at the age of 94.

[7:01] You know?

[7:02] Like it was just very nice to see these people enjoying themselves.

[7:05] And especially, it was nice to me to see everyone.

[7:08] Another thing that you got on the internet was a lot was like, Kirk Douglas is so old.

[7:12] Oh, why is he on television?

[7:14] It's nice to see them showing respect for someone who is a real star, you know, in a way that

[7:21] nobody in the movies is today.

Stuart Wellington

[7:23] Especially in this like increasingly like short-sighted and like short memory.

Elliott Kalan

[7:28] Yeah.

[7:29] I can have a slightly slurry and thick-voiced Kirk Douglas who is an amazing legend, someone

[7:37] I've personally been a fan of for a long time, and an inspiration for having overcome a stroke.

[7:42] Or I can watch like Seth Rogen could come out and do his normal shtick, you know?

[7:46] Which am I going to want to see?

[7:47] And like Kirk Douglas-

[7:49] Am I going to want to see Spartacus?

[7:50] Or like fucking, I don't know, you know, somebody else's movies?

[7:56] I can't even think of it.

[7:56] A CGI Kung Fu Panda showing up?

[7:58] Like Amanda Seyfried or whatever her name is, you know?

Dan McCoy

[8:01] Well, what's Amanda Seyfried wearing?

[8:03] That's the-

Elliott Kalan

[8:03] She's wearing what Kirk Douglas is wearing.

Dan McCoy

[8:05] Oh, okay.

[8:06] Well, yeah, Kirk Douglas.

[8:07] But no, I mean, like the thing with Kirk Douglas too, obviously-

[8:10] I apologize for yelling so much.

[8:11] It's difficult to understand, but the man's brain, you know, has not been affected.

[8:18] That's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[8:18] If it seemed like he didn't know where he was or what he was doing-

[8:22] No, but he was very funny.

[8:23] He was very funny and he was very, like, he-

[8:26] More than most people there seemed to get, like, he had a perspective on the Oscars.

[8:30] Like he said when he was up there, like, I did this three times and I lost every time.

[8:33] Like, he-

[8:34] It was nice to see someone who's been through that and is now, you know, as opposed to the people who still think this award means anything.

Stuart Wellington

[8:41] And frankly, I thought he was more eloquent than James Franco was mostly.

Elliott Kalan

[8:46] That's the thing.

[8:47] A lot of the- I enjoyed James Franco as a co-host to somebody else.

[8:52] Yeah, but it had just been him.

Dan McCoy

[8:53] He would have been-

[8:54] It would have been a difficult-

Stuart Wellington

[8:55] He would have been excruciating.

[8:56] You know, Anne Hathaway, not hilarious, but at least, like, and her approach to comedy is kind of like the, like, high school drama girl doing comedy.

[9:04] Like, very over the top.

[9:06] Mm-hmm.

[9:06] But at least she's up for it, you know?

Elliott Kalan

[9:08] Yeah, she's got some energy.

[9:09] She's got some verve.

Dan McCoy

[9:11] Yeah, no, I liked her-

[9:12] I liked both of them in particular in the opening bit where they could, you know, do what they do, which is act rather than trade banter.

[9:20] Mm-hmm.

[9:21] James Franco, through the rest of the show, I was enjoying him.

[9:24] I understood why the internet did not enjoy him.

[9:26] The internet was expecting a regular host, whereas I was enjoying James Franco going up there and being the most James Franco he could be.

Elliott Kalan

[9:35] Except when they get a regular host, they hate it.

[9:37] Every year, if you get a regular host, it's same old thing.

[9:41] And if you get a different type of host, like Letterman or James Franco, it's like, what is he doing?

[9:46] This isn't the Oscars.

[9:48] Well, you said-

[9:49] Arrum, arrum, arrum, arrum, arrum.

Dan McCoy

[9:50] You said about James Franco before the show started that he always seems to look like he knows, like, a secret, like a surprise that's-

[9:57] He always looks like-

[9:58] That's gonna happen to someone.

Elliott Kalan

[9:59] He knows that a pie is about to hit you in the face.

[10:01] Yeah.

[10:01] You don't know it.

[10:02] And he's just waiting for it to happen, you know?

[10:05] He knows that you are about to be revealed as some baby's father.

[10:10] Mm-hmm.

[10:10] And you don't know it.

[10:11] And he is just relishing that moment-

[10:14] That slide.

[10:15] See, what Elliot's doing now is-

[10:16] That moment when he has that power over you.

Stuart Wellington

[10:17] Elliot's closing his eyes and creating a movie in his mind.

Elliott Kalan

[10:20] It's called James Franco Secret Holder.

Stuart Wellington

[10:25] The treasure of the lost land.

[10:26] Why don't we just call it-

[10:27] Why don't we just-

[10:28] Why was the legend of Curly's Gold?

[10:31] Why don't we just call it The Secret?

[10:33] Can we just call it The Secret?

Elliott Kalan

[10:34] I think we might be getting sued by the holder of the book title.

[10:37] Although you can't copyright a title.

Stuart Wellington

[10:38] But that wasn't James Franco?

Elliott Kalan

[10:41] No, James Franco wrote that, yeah.

[10:42] Okay.

[10:43] So he probably wouldn't mind starting his movie first.

[10:44] It was his book based on the movie The Secret of My Success.

[10:47] Okay.

[10:49] Oh, man.

[10:50] I don't need-

[10:50] Like, yeah-

[10:51] Which itself was based on the movie Secrets and Lies.

[10:54] Very loose adaptation.

[10:56] So we're-

[10:57] We're going to lose a lot of listeners.

[10:58] Should we talk about-

[10:58] We are going to lose a lot of listeners with this episode.

[11:00] Should we talk about the awards or anything?

Dan McCoy

[11:01] We started off with a bunch of gibberish and now we're-

Elliott Kalan

[11:04] No, I mean, we are staking a claim directly in opposition to the almighty internet.

[11:08] Probably Anonymous is going to take us down or Julian Assange or-

Dan McCoy

[11:11] We're also taking an attack very different from our usual relentless negativity.

[11:17] Yeah, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[11:18] Well, we're being negative about the internet.

[11:20] So what were you-

Stuart Wellington

[11:20] Why don't we talk about-

[11:21] Should we talk about the actual awards?

[11:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:24] Well, first I was happy that Amy Adams lost.

[11:27] Yep.

[11:27] So that was-

[11:28] There's negativity.

[11:29] There's negativity right there.

[11:31] I lost my office pool.

[11:34] So that's-

[11:35] I'm unhappy about that.

Stuart Wellington

[11:36] Mm-hmm.

[11:37] Did you think the King's Speech was going to win Best Picture?

[11:40] I did.

[11:40] Is that why you lost?

[11:41] No, no.

Elliott Kalan

[11:41] That one I guessed right.

Dan McCoy

[11:42] Did some daily show celebrity take the office pool?

[11:45] Let's put some star power on this podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[11:47] Nope.

[11:47] It was another one of the writers.

[11:48] Okay.

[11:49] But that's the awards this year.

Stuart Wellington

[11:52] I was betting on Toy Story 3 losing Best Animated Picture and-

[11:55] Oh, boy.

[11:56] Wow, that was a mistake on your part.

Elliott Kalan

[11:57] You should not have bet your future earnings.

[12:02] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[12:03] Is that why you're sleeping on my couch tonight?

Stuart Wellington

[12:05] Yep.

[12:05] And Randy Newman, that was good to get to see that guy.

[12:08] Oh, finally.

[12:09] I like seeing that dude.

[12:09] That recluse.

Elliott Kalan

[12:11] I like seeing that dude.

[12:12] What, are you afraid of the spotlight, Randy?

[12:14] Come on.

[12:14] Come out to the Oscars and play a song sometime.

[12:16] I didn't realize this was only his second Oscar win.

[12:18] Dude, that's the thing.

[12:19] I thought he had won like 80 times.

Stuart Wellington

[12:21] No, and his first one was somewhat recent, right?

[12:25] Like he-

Elliott Kalan

[12:26] I think he won for You Got a Friend in Me or-

Stuart Wellington

[12:29] Yeah, but still like-

[12:30] Or like-

[12:30] I mean, he's been making music-

[12:31] That's a long time ago now.

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] La Vida Loca.

[12:34] Is that his song?

[12:35] Yeah, that's-

[12:37] That's right.

[12:38] That Lady Gaga song, is that his?

[12:43] Yes.

[12:44] The one about Al Jarrell?

[12:44] I'm glad we waited around to see what you were going to come up with.

[12:47] I'm having trouble coming up with references today.

[12:50] But the-

[12:51] Oh, shit.

Stuart Wellington

[12:52] Uh-oh.

[12:52] We're screwed.

Elliott Kalan

[12:54] Rawr!

[12:55] Quick!

[12:56] Housecat.

[12:57] Here, let's just out of here with the housecat.

[12:59] I got this one, guys.

[13:02] But yeah, I mean, the awards were not particularly controversial this year.

[13:05] It was-

[13:06] For most of them, it seemed like people knew what was going to happen.

[13:09] I would-

[13:09] The big upset for me was The Lost Thing winning Best Animated Short.

[13:14] Yeah.

[13:14] Really good short.

[13:15] And Night and Day, which is also really good, I thought was going to win.

[13:18] But it was nice to have a non-Pixar cartoon win when there's a Pixar cartoon there.

Stuart Wellington

[13:23] I was-

[13:24] To be honest, I was a little surprised by-

[13:26] I mean, I shouldn't have been, but I was a little, let's say, disappointed with the Best Picture choice and Best Director.

[13:32] I was a little surprised that they both went to The King's Speech.

Elliott Kalan

[13:35] I was disappointed by Best Director.

[13:37] I knew at this point that Best Picture's going to be-

[13:39] I was kind of hoping Aronofsky was going to take that one.

[13:41] I was hoping, too.

[13:42] He's not going to.

[13:42] He may never.

[13:43] Until he makes a movie like The King's Speech, he's not going to get it.

[13:47] Or maybe when he's 75 years old and he makes a movie that by our standard- by the standards of 40 years from now or however old he is, like 35 years from now, by those standards looks tame.

[14:00] Like Best Director is not going to go to someone who is doing something vital or powerful.

[14:07] Why do you think Tom Hooper-

Dan McCoy

[14:08] It took a Tell the Departed for Scorsese to get a-

Elliott Kalan

[14:11] Yeah, maybe his least adventurous movie maybe ever.

[14:16] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[14:17] Well, I mean, what do you think- what was so particularly important about the directing of The King's Speech?

Elliott Kalan

[14:23] I don't think there was one, but I think he was going to win it because the two of them are so often linked.

[14:30] Well, but not always.

[14:32] Like Steven Spielberg won Best Director in a year that he didn't win Best Picture, but-

Dan McCoy

[14:36] Now, I haven't seen The King's Speech, but let me-

[14:38] I will-

[14:38] Let me take a step back and say that a movie that has great acting in it, which to all accounts The King's Speech does have-

[14:46] It does.

[14:47] It's a very good movie.

[14:47] A lot of that relies on the work of the director.

[14:51] And that is too often undervalued when you're talking about the direction of a movie.

[14:56] Like, people focus on very flashy visual things or formal things.

[15:01] But even there, I think-

Stuart Wellington

[15:02] That's why I was kind of surprised that David O. Russell wouldn't have gotten it because, I mean, I think the-

[15:07] That's true.

[15:08] He took ensemble performance of The Fighter was more interesting.

[15:11] I can see why David O. Russell wouldn't win it.

[15:13] And he injected some interesting stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[15:14] He did, except that the last 15 minutes of that movie is a slog.

[15:17] Yeah.

[15:18] He shoots a boxing match in the least-

[15:19] That might just be because we don't care about sports.

[15:21] No, no, but his job is to make you care about it.

[15:24] Yeah.

[15:24] Boxing is not a super popular sport anymore.

[15:26] He's got to make you care what happens at the end of the match.

Stuart Wellington

[15:28] Same thing with bobsledding and the cool runnings.

Elliott Kalan

[15:30] Cool runnings made me care about bobsledding when I was 10 or however old I was.

[15:35] But that's the thing is-

[15:35] And the magic of Dougie Doug.

[15:37] If you're doing a boxing movie, we've already seen Mark Wahlberg do this strategy one or two times in the movie where he does nothing and absorbs blows for rounds and then punches the guy a couple times in the back and wins.

[15:50] We've seen it.

[15:50] So to see him do it again at the end is not interesting.

[15:54] So like do something to liven up the-

[15:56] That's the surprise, Elliot.

[15:58] The surprise is he does the same exact thing.

[16:00] You would have figured they would have held the best for last if they didn't.

[16:03] The anti-climax is the biggest climax of all.

[16:07] And I liked that movie a lot but the end of it was really boring because it just felt like watching a boxing match on TV which I don't like doing.

[16:14] When you think about the fact that-

Dan McCoy

[16:16] You prefer to be ringside is what you're saying?

Elliott Kalan

[16:18] I got to be there wearing a suit and a hat-

[16:20] The blood.

[16:21] With my lady in her fur coat.

[16:22] The blood.

[16:23] Not yelling at the boxers, yelling at the ring doctor.

Dan McCoy

[16:26] This is a blood match.

[16:28] This is a slaughterhouse.

[16:29] Get him out of there.

[16:30] He's killing him in there.

[16:32] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:32] But especially when you've got a movie like Raging Bull where boxing looks amazing.

[16:38] Yeah.

[16:39] Or even-

[16:40] Or some kind of a boxing promoter or-

[16:42] I'm just a fan.

[16:43] Okay.

[16:44] But I was thinking-

[16:45] I mean the mob or-

[16:46] I think you've got some kind of financial stake out of this one.

[16:47] I was thinking the other day that like the boxing scene at the end of Rocky Balboa, the sixth Rocky movie, is more exciting than the climax of the fighter.

[16:55] And Rocky Balboa is not a good movie.

Stuart Wellington

[16:57] Is that the one where he fights Tommy Gunn?

[16:58] No, it's where he fights Mason Dixon.

Elliott Kalan

[17:00] Oh, okay.

[17:01] This is an exhibition match and we've already been told-

Dan McCoy

[17:04] Which one does he fight that robot butler in?

Elliott Kalan

[17:06] He never fights the robot butler.

[17:07] That was the fanfic I wrote.

[17:08] That was an Oscar.

[17:09] It was called Rocky Four and a Half.

[17:12] It was called Rocky Four and a Half.

[17:13] 4.1.

[17:14] The butler makes a mistake.

[17:16] The butler did it.

[17:17] The butler did it.

[17:19] But the-

[17:21] Like and that's-

[17:22] But anyway, I can see why David O. Russell would get dinged for that.

[17:25] And you're right.

[17:26] Acting-

[17:27] The directing of acting deserves a lot.

[17:28] But like I think-

[17:30] The way I was thinking about it the other day was that the same way that on Top Chef, sometimes a really interesting dish will lose to like comfort food made really well,

[17:39] Tom Hooper made the ultimate comfort food movie and he did it very well.

[17:44] And he got recognized for that.

[17:45] And he doesn't necessarily not-

[17:46] It's not like he did a shitty job and he got best director.

Dan McCoy

[17:49] He did a good job.

[17:50] I haven't seen it so I can't.

[17:52] That was not a-

[17:53] I was saying this at the night.

[17:55] I realized that was not a Guild film so I didn't get a screener.

[17:59] And I'm too lazy to go out to see movies during awards season now that I get them mailed to me.

Elliott Kalan

[18:04] I mean I went to see it during its release.

[18:06] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:07] See, you're a more-

[18:09] Movie fan.

[18:10] Yeah, you're a movie fan.

[18:10] You're a bigger movie fan than I am.

[18:12] I don't care for the movies.

Elliott Kalan

[18:14] The King's Speech is a very well-made movie and it's a really entertaining and good movie.

[18:18] Like the minute the movie starts, you know how it's going to end.

[18:22] You can follow along with it.

[18:23] Because of history.

[18:24] Not just-

[18:25] I mean probably because of history but not just-

Stuart Wellington

[18:26] You know like aliens aren't going to show up or transmorphers or anything.

[18:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:30] Oh, I thought you were going to be like because of history.

[18:31] You know like Alien vs. Predator.

[18:33] We all know how that went down.

[18:35] The King isn't going to like step through a mirror into the mirror-verse, you know.

Stuart Wellington

[18:39] Awesome.

[18:39] But at the same time-

[18:41] What a twist.

[18:42] He has to get in a glass battle with Mirror Hitler.

[18:46] I don't even know what a glass battle would be.

Dan McCoy

[18:52] Mirror Hitler has the mustache on the other side.

[18:55] No, no, no.

[18:56] Remember in your boxing match, Mirror Hitler is right-handed.

Elliott Kalan

[19:00] But like it's a really good movie.

[19:02] To say like-

[19:03] And this was-

[19:04] The slate of Best Picture nominees was a really good slate.

[19:06] Like this was a really good year for solid Hollywood movies.

[19:09] I think I said this when we talked about it previously on the podcast.

[19:12] Like it was a really good year for solid Hollywood movies.

[19:15] So to see the King's Speech win, which is like the ultimate solid Hollywood movie.

[19:19] Even if it's not technically like-

[19:22] I don't know how much of it was Hollywood made.

[19:24] It was-

[19:24] I don't know if the Weinstein brothers produced it or just distributed it.

[19:27] But, you know, directed by an Englishman, I think.

[19:31] And I didn't realize that Tom Hooper looks like James Cameron circa 25 years ago.

[19:35] Yep.

[19:35] He looks just like young James Cameron.

[19:37] And Catherine Bigelow handed him the award.

[19:39] And I have to imagine that she like recoiled for a second.

[19:43] Thinking that she'd fallen through a time window and was still married to James Cameron.

Dan McCoy

[19:46] The ghost of Christmas past.

[19:49] I'm to haunt her.

[19:51] Yeah, I don't-

[19:51] I mean like-

[19:52] That was the gypsy's curse.

[19:55] I feel bad-

[19:56] Along with thinner.

[19:57] That just goes without saying.

[19:58] I feel bad that it turns out that I did not see the one movie that would have made this discussion simpler.

[20:05] But I can only assume-

[20:07] 127 hours?

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] Yes.

[20:08] See, that's the one Best Picture nominee I didn't get to see.

[20:11] I mean, because my wife refused to see it.

[20:13] Mm-hmm.

[20:13] But I-

[20:14] It's not like I was asking her to go see like Gore Zone 8, you know?

Stuart Wellington

[20:17] If you were in charge, if it was the Elliott Academy Awards, which of the ten nominees would you have picked?

Elliott Kalan

[20:26] Either Black Swan or Toy Story 3.

[20:28] Probably Black Swan.

[20:29] Black Swan was-

Stuart Wellington

[20:30] Yeah, out of the ones that I saw, that's what I would say too.

Elliott Kalan

[20:32] Toy Story 3 I had the most genuine emotional reaction to.

[20:36] Yeah.

[20:36] And was the most entertained by it.

[20:37] But Black Swan was the one where, like, when the movie ended, I felt like I had experienced a real movie.

[20:43] Like, I felt like I had seen the tools of filmmaking used in a way that really excited me.

[20:48] And I was engrossed by the movie.

[20:51] But, you know.

[20:53] What about you?

[20:54] What if it was the Wellingtones?

[20:55] Was-

Stuart Wellington

[20:56] Which is also your doo-wop band.

[20:58] Yeah.

[20:59] Now, I wasn't paying that close attention, but was the Invisible Maniac nominated.

Elliott Kalan

[21:04] Oh, would not be eligible.

[21:06] I think that movie is over 20 years old.

Stuart Wellington

[21:08] Then I would probably say Toy Story 3.

[21:11] Yeah.

[21:11] Although Black Swan, yeah.

[21:13] You know.

[21:13] Castle Freak?

[21:14] To be honest, saying the amount of praise that I give Black Swan is in many ways like pulling teeth.

[21:20] Like, I have not liked Aronofsky's other movies.

[21:24] I think they're a little bit too much form over function.

Elliott Kalan

[21:31] I prefer the solid storytelling of a Zack Snyder.

[21:34] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:36] Or a Invisible Maniac style movie.

[21:40] But the-

[21:41] But I think this was-

[21:42] Where are the topless ladies?

[21:43] He-

[21:43] I mean, I felt he really kind of reigned himself in and actually-

[21:46] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[21:47] Reigned-

[21:47] That's the first time I've heard that in association with Black Swan.

[21:50] No, but for Aronofsky, I think he totally reigned himself in.

[21:53] I would agree though.

[21:54] I guess compared to like Requiem for a Dream, but not compared to like The Wrestler necessarily.

Elliott Kalan

[21:58] The Wrestler, he reigned himself in too much.

[22:01] Yeah.

[22:01] And that-

[22:02] And people-

[22:04] The Wrestler was one that I was underwhelmed by.

[22:06] Since it's basically the same movie as The Champ, except there's a stripper in it.

Dan McCoy

[22:10] No, I agree.

[22:10] But I think that what-

[22:11] I think-

[22:12] I would say that the thing about Black Swan is form and function like-

[22:16] Milos Chiumen.

[22:17] We're married so well in that movie.

[22:19] Yeah.

[22:19] Like it's a-

[22:20] It's an-

[22:20] I mean, it's ballet, so it's not operatic, but like the adjective is operatic.

[22:24] It's an operatic film and it has operatic emotions and an outsized sort of sense of like just madness.

Elliott Kalan

[22:31] But without ever feeling like it takes place in a total fantasy world.

[22:35] Yeah.

[22:35] You know, there's so much grounding of it in real New York locations and the shooting of those locations that when crazy things happen, they feel crazy.

[22:45] It doesn't feel like a Terry Gilliam movie where-

[22:47] And I like Terry Gilliam a lot.

[22:48] But when something crazy happens in a Terry Gilliam movie, it's not surprising because he's been shooting the whole thing with kind of loopy cameras and fisheye lenses and things like that.

Stuart Wellington

[22:55] The movie actually made me understand what people like about Italian horror and thriller cinema because I finally actually could kind of understand that same sort of like – not necessarily fantasy, but like – it does seem to exist in a slightly skewed reality.

[23:19] A heightened universe.

Dan McCoy

[23:22] Yeah, a universe that's –

[23:24] Where everyone loves ballet.

Elliott Kalan

[23:25] A universe that's slightly taller than this one.

[23:27] Uh-huh.

[23:28] A universe that smells a little more like vanilla.

[23:30] I mean, there are people who love ballet.

[23:32] It wasn't like she was on the cover of Time Magazine and on television and things like that.

Dan McCoy

[23:36] You're going to choose that out of all my offhand comments to latch on to.

[23:40] It's just the most recent one.

Stuart Wellington

[23:41] Okay.

[23:42] But going back, Toy Story 3 was amazing.

[23:45] But Toy Story 3 is great.

Elliott Kalan

[23:46] And it's – they managed to take characters who have been around for over a decade and have had two other movies and make them still feel fresh and interesting and still like find a thing for the characters to do that they haven't done before.

[23:59] That's both way farther over the top than something they've done before and at the same time feels correct and feels really good.

[24:08] And you managed to make a children's movie where the heroes accept the imminent coming of their own death in a way that is not too dark, in a way that feels right.

Stuart Wellington

[24:20] And that scary baby was scarier than anything else.

[24:25] And it was super scary.

Elliott Kalan

[24:26] That was way scarier than anything in Black Swan.

[24:28] Yeah.

[24:28] It's scary.

[24:29] The first time you see that baby, it's like, what is going on?

Stuart Wellington

[24:32] Yeah.

[24:32] I cut my fingernails off any day.

[24:34] I just want to see that fucking baby.

Dan McCoy

[24:36] Speaking of which, like it disposes of a villain in the most horrific way possible.

[24:40] Like Lotso's final fate in that movie.

[24:44] I don't remember what happens to him.

[24:45] I don't want to spoil it.

Elliott Kalan

[24:47] Yeah, let's not spoil it for all the kids.

[24:49] You can tell me afterwards.

[24:50] I don't remember what it is.

Dan McCoy

[24:51] He exists.

[24:52] You can imagine that he exists in sort of a toy purgatory for the rest of his days.

[24:56] Let's say that.

[24:57] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[24:58] Oh, I remember what he does now.

[24:59] Yeah, the rape.

[25:00] Yeah.

[25:00] The prison rape scene.

[25:02] Yeah, but...

[25:02] Was that not in the movie when you saw it?

[25:04] I did see the X version.

[25:06] You may have seen it in early.

[25:07] It's like the theatrical release of Clue.

[25:09] They put different endings.

[25:10] Yeah.

[25:11] And one of the endings was directed by Pasolini.

Dan McCoy

[25:15] No, it's true that you say, though, about this being a good year for...

[25:18] For solid movies.

[25:19] For solid studio pictures, too.

[25:20] Yeah.

[25:21] Because also, True Grit, like, I like my Coen Brothers movies a little more Coen-y than

[25:27] that.

[25:27] Me too.

[25:28] But of the non-Coen-y Coen Brothers movies, that might be my favorite.

[25:31] Like, I saw it twice within the space of a week during the Christmas season because I

[25:36] saw it here.

[25:36] And then, like, I watched it with family at home.

[25:40] And I enjoyed it just as much the second time.

[25:43] It just really held up.

[25:44] It was just fun all the way through, actually.

[25:47] Yeah.

[25:48] Until it got sad.

[25:49] But that was a very short part at the end.

Elliott Kalan

[25:51] I was just amazed that during the sound editing or sound mixing reel, they give away part of

[25:58] the climax of the movie during the Oscars on Sunday.

[26:01] Do they?

[26:01] They show one character shooting another character in the chest.

[26:05] And it's two of the main characters.

[26:07] And it's like, oh, okay.

[26:08] I guess that was...

[26:09] It was worth ruining that for the people who haven't seen the movie so that we could get

[26:11] an idea of what the sound mixing was like.

Dan McCoy

[26:13] That was the best edited sound in the whole movie.

[26:15] Like, that was a scene where...

[26:16] It was head and shoulders above the rest of the movie.

[26:19] The editing sound.

Elliott Kalan

[26:19] I know there was a scene where there was, like, a knife cutting off fingers and a gunshot,

[26:24] but that's not the...

[26:25] And crackling fire.

[26:26] That's not the scene with the great sound.

Dan McCoy

[26:27] Crackling fire.

[26:28] That's just someone putting cellophane near the microphone.

Elliott Kalan

[26:30] But they had to mix it.

[26:31] Okay.

[26:32] True.

[26:32] It's all in the mix, just like those old Twix ads that were really lame.

[26:35] Yeah.

[26:36] Sure.

[26:37] Stuart?

[26:39] I was just trying to get us back on the end.

[26:40] Stuart, thoughts on this?

Stuart Wellington

[26:42] Well, those Twix ads were pretty lame, Dan.

[26:46] I agree.

[26:47] They did not really exemplify the deliciousness that Twix is.

Elliott Kalan

[26:51] No.

[26:51] They tried to get Twix onto the hip-hop bandwagon.

[26:55] So this year's Twix awards were a real sham.

[26:58] Oh, the Twixies.

[26:59] Yeah.

[26:59] Well, they're just for the best of two of something in one package.

[27:02] Usually goes to light bulbs.

[27:05] After all these years?

[27:06] It's really disappointing, yeah.

[27:07] We're like D batteries.

Dan McCoy

[27:09] Not even compact fluorescents?

[27:11] Just like old-timey light bulbs?

Elliott Kalan

[27:13] Old-timey light bulbs.

[27:14] Well, it's a lifetime achievement award.

[27:15] Okay.

[27:15] We're being packed in packages of two for decades.

[27:20] Wow.

[27:20] But like there weren't – I think it may have bothered people that there was no – nothing

[27:24] in this year's Academy Awards that was like crazy.

[27:28] The craziest thing was an old man appearing and not being dead.

[27:33] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[27:33] And they didn't do any –

[27:34] Well, okay.

[27:35] Years ago they did that thing where they got like five past winners standing in a circle.

Elliott Kalan

[27:39] There was nothing like that that could draw everyone's hatred.

[27:42] So the hatred was spread out throughout the awards.

[27:44] Here's something crazy.

[27:45] Here's something I'll bring up.

[27:46] That was the worst last year.

[27:47] And again, I was saying like I know it's the Academy Awards.

[27:50] We're going to hear celebrities talk about how great celebrities are.

[27:52] But these people were already nominated for Best Actress or Best Actor.

[27:55] Do I need to see every one of them given a testimonial by some other person?

[27:59] Yeah.

[28:00] Anyway, it was overkill.

[28:00] But they didn't do it this year.

[28:01] You were saying?

Dan McCoy

[28:02] Here's something that I'll single out as a crazy moment that I'm still baffled by.

[28:06] Annette Bening's dress looking like Spider-Man.

[28:09] No.

[28:11] I don't even know what that means.

[28:13] But it looked like Spider-Man's suit.

Elliott Kalan

[28:15] Cate Blanchett's dress looking like the old superheroes where you'd rub them in the middle

[28:18] and their decal would show up that showed what team they were on.

Dan McCoy

[28:21] Like Battle Beasts.

[28:23] Yeah.

[28:24] Can grow into an army.

[28:25] Battle Beasts.

[28:26] No.

[28:27] The Anne Hathaway song.

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] Oh, the Hugh Jackman one?

[28:30] That didn't make any sense.

Dan McCoy

[28:31] Yeah, where she was singing at Hugh Jackman.

[28:34] That was a low point for me.

[28:35] Yeah.

[28:35] That was stupid.

[28:36] Hassling him.

Elliott Kalan

[28:37] And she performed it well.

[28:40] But there was no reason to have it.

[28:41] She's a lovely singer.

[28:41] It doesn't make any sense.

[28:42] Hugh Jackman.

Stuart Wellington

[28:43] Upcoming star of the movie Robot Boxer or whatever the fuck he is.

Elliott Kalan

[28:46] Yeah.

[28:47] What's it called?

[28:48] Steel something?

[28:49] Real Steel.

[28:50] It should be called Roboxer.

[28:52] Real Steel.

Stuart Wellington

[28:52] Which I think is also the name of a popular line of dildos.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] Well, this is – that movie is based on a short story that they made a Twilight Zone episode out of.

[29:02] So like that story has been around for a long time.

[29:03] I don't know what the title was.

[29:04] So it's not like –

[29:05] Robot Boxers.

[29:06] It's not like some hip young screenwriter came up with the idea of a robot boxer.

Stuart Wellington

[29:10] Okay.

[29:10] Robot – okay.

[29:12] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:13] Yeah.

[29:13] But that – I mean like I don't even know what that – I mean that was clearly plugging

[29:15] a hole in the telecast.

[29:17] Hello.

[29:18] Something.

[29:19] Oh.

[29:20] I get it.

[29:21] Something was there I assume at some point.

[29:24] But they didn't need it.

[29:24] Yeah.

[29:25] They didn't need it.

[29:25] The show is already too long.

Elliott Kalan

[29:26] If something falls out, just let it fall.

[29:28] Yeah.

[29:29] Unless they were killing time and she was making up that song as she went along because like –

[29:33] In which case she's a brilliant musical improviser, guys.

[29:35] Like the next presenter like hadn't arrived yet.

Dan McCoy

[29:39] She's the next Wayne Brady, guys.

[29:41] Am I right?

[29:41] Come on.

[29:42] Everyone.

[29:43] Wayne Brady?

[29:43] Wait, who's that?

[29:44] That's a reference.

Elliott Kalan

[29:45] That is a reference.

Dan McCoy

[29:48] Musical improv?

[29:49] Wayne Brady?

Elliott Kalan

[29:50] Yeah.

[29:51] He hasn't done that in years.

Dan McCoy

[29:52] Let's keep it rolling.

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] Shut it down.

[29:55] Let's get it rolling.

[29:56] Shut it – yeah.

[29:56] Thank you.

[29:57] Shut it down.

[29:57] I'm just doing it to myself.

[29:58] Yeah.

[30:01] Yeah.

[30:01] That was a stupid thing to have.

[30:02] And even like the auto-tuned movie scenes I thought I was going to hate but I kind of enjoyed a little bit.

[30:07] Yeah.

[30:07] And the musical number I just thought was stupid.

Stuart Wellington

[30:11] Yeah.

[30:11] Well, didn't Randy Newman do a musical number?

[30:14] Well, they performed the best song nominees.

Elliott Kalan

[30:15] I don't like that but they're going to do it every year.

[30:17] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:17] I would rather they do that than whatever they did last time though where they just –

[30:22] Do like a mix them up?

[30:23] Yeah.

[30:24] They had a smash up?

Elliott Kalan

[30:24] I can't remember.

Dan McCoy

[30:26] It was bad.

[30:26] All I remember was –

Stuart Wellington

[30:27] The cast of Glee, get up there and jump around and get kids.

Dan McCoy

[30:30] If you're going to nominate something where you can literally like show the – basically the entire nominated thing and it's a performance of some kind, like go ahead and do that.

[30:41] Like I don't mind having songs break up the –

Elliott Kalan

[30:43] Except it was better this year when they did best score.

[30:46] They didn't have dancers.

[30:48] That's always been bad in the past.

[30:50] It was good that they didn't do it this time.

[30:52] That almost makes up for the fact that the theme of the night was best picture winners that aren't really that great as movies.

[31:00] Yeah.

[31:00] That they managed to – they were like let's take a look back at some of the most amazing best picture winners.

[31:05] Gone with the Wind, Titanic, L-O-T-R, Return of the King.

[31:09] Like it was almost like they were trying so hard to be like see we give this award to movies you guys like.

[31:14] Normal people go to these movies.

[31:16] Yeah.

[31:16] It's not all Hurt Lockers is.

Dan McCoy

[31:18] If they were going to – yeah, if they were going to do a journey through American cinema like they might as well have just –

[31:26] Birth of an Asian.

[31:27] Jettisoned the – yes, Birth of an Asian.

[31:30] They might as well have just jettisoned the Oscars for that.

[31:33] Like no one was going to notice.

[31:34] Like no one in the audience –

[31:35] Once upon a time in China.

[31:36] These are not Oscar winners.

[31:38] They'll just be like oh these are great movies.

Elliott Kalan

[31:39] Sometime in China.

[31:41] It's not even an American movie.

[31:42] The Americans are the bad guys in it.

[31:44] No, really?

[31:45] Yeah, you're right.

[31:45] Just go through good movies of the past and remind people that they like movies.

Dan McCoy

[31:49] That's what the Oscars are about anyway, just reminding people that they like movies.

[31:52] Like hey, you know what?

[31:53] I like movies.

Elliott Kalan

[31:53] Yeah.

[31:55] Ultimately the Oscars are an advertisement for movies.

[31:58] So they don't need to be so – they don't need to waste –

[32:00] They don't need to be tied to the brand.

[32:02] They don't need to waste our fucking time with 800 minutes of Bob Hope's ghost telling us jokes from 60 years ago that they already play on every Oscar telecast.

Stuart Wellington

[32:11] I'm really glad they managed to fit a Back to the Future reference in.

[32:14] What the hell is that about?

[32:15] I think they're required to by some kind of Faustian pact.

Elliott Kalan

[32:19] Literally a year late on that.

[32:21] Last year was the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future.

[32:24] It would have made perfect sense.

Stuart Wellington

[32:25] I think they always show some kind of a clip from Back to the Future though in like the visual effects like real and shit.

Elliott Kalan

[32:31] Or the Back to the Future Awards.

[32:33] Or the Christopher Lloyd Lifetime Achievement Award.

[32:36] That reminds me.

[32:38] He was in Piranha 3D and so was Mr. Jerry O'Connell and Jerry O'Connell was robbed that he was not nominated for Best Supporting Actor this year for Piranha 3D.

[32:46] It was really good.

[32:47] What were the nominees?

Dan McCoy

[32:48] There were some Best Supporting Bikinis in that film.

[32:50] Am I right, guys?

[32:50] Jerry O'Connell.

[32:51] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[32:52] Jeffrey Rush did not deserve that nomination as much as Jerry O'Connell did.

[32:56] All Jeffrey Rush had to do was kind of look bemused and say like, oh, well, perhaps we'll help you this way, you know, in King's Speech.

[33:03] I will say that.

Stuart Wellington

[33:04] Yeah, but I like Jeffrey Rush.

Elliott Kalan

[33:05] I like him.

[33:06] I think he's really good.

[33:07] What was I saying?

[33:07] I would like to see a –

Stuart Wellington

[33:08] I like that movie where Paul Rubens farts in his face.

[33:12] It's that Mystery Men.

[33:14] Yeah, that's the one.

[33:14] Oh, I forgot Paul Rubens was in that.

[33:16] And I forgot Jeffrey Rush was in that.

[33:18] Yeah, he plays Casanova Frankenstein.

Elliott Kalan

[33:19] I think of it as a Greg Kinnear Hank Azari vehicle.

Dan McCoy

[33:23] Sure, a West Studi film mainly.

[33:26] One of West Studi's better films.

Elliott Kalan

[33:28] What's disappointing about Mystery Men is they left out the best Mystery Men character, the Strangler.

Dan McCoy

[33:34] I'm not aware of the source material.

Elliott Kalan

[33:36] No, it's from the Flaming Carrot comic books.

[33:38] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[33:40] So what were we doing?

Stuart Wellington

[33:42] Yeah, so you got West Studi was nominated for Best Supporting Actor.

[33:47] Jeffrey Rush.

[33:48] Anyway, Dan, you were going to say something a while back and I interrupted you.

[33:51] I have no idea anymore.

Elliott Kalan

[33:52] I'm sorry.

[33:52] I lost to history.

[33:53] That thought.

[33:54] It's here and it's gone.

[33:55] Yep.

[33:56] I guess what I'm saying is Oscars.

Stuart Wellington

[33:58] Ben Grimsby was nominated, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[34:00] Oscars, see you next year.

[34:02] Yeah.

[34:02] I thought – I think overall I would call this a – I would actually say it was a good, good Oscars.

[34:08] Oh.

[34:09] To bring back our rating system.

[34:10] Yeah.

[34:11] I'd go that far.

[34:12] Keeping in mind that the Oscars can never really be any better than like a B-.

[34:15] They can never be truly good.

[34:16] Yes.

[34:17] The only way they could be truly good is if they were not them.

[34:20] They were something else entirely.

Dan McCoy

[34:22] If like a –

[34:22] It's like the best tasting McDonald's hamburger you had.

[34:26] Yes, exactly.

[34:27] If like there was like a melee where the celebrities were forced to fight each other, that might have been an interesting Oscars.

[34:34] It sounds horrifying.

Elliott Kalan

[34:35] Well, maybe –

[34:36] I'm actually going to –

Dan McCoy

[34:37] It's just laser tag.

Elliott Kalan

[34:38] That would be fun.

[34:39] Yeah.

[34:40] I'm going to tie it.

[34:40] But you'd still probably have some heart attacks.

[34:41] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[34:42] I'm going to tie it to – I mean the Golden Globes this year I found very entertaining because I found Raheja Faze making everybody uncomfortable really entertaining.

Elliott Kalan

[34:52] But that's not the purpose of the Golden Globes.

[34:55] Yeah, but I still enjoyed it.

Stuart Wellington

[34:56] I found it entertaining.

Elliott Kalan

[34:57] It's the same way that like if someone gets really drunk at a wedding and throws up everywhere, it's pretty funny.

[35:02] But like that's not what's supposed to happen at a wedding.

[35:05] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:05] Yeah, but I would have liked somebody thrown up at these Oscars.

[35:08] I guess Elliot's saying he's mad at you for throwing up at his wedding.

Elliott Kalan

[35:13] He said it wasn't a problem.

[35:15] I was trying to be nice and then you threw up more.

[35:18] That's fucking bullshit, dude.

[35:19] I wasn't giving you a license to throw up in the middle of the dance floor after you did in the corner of the room.

Stuart Wellington

[35:25] You kept telling me to do shots.

[35:26] You made me eat a third piece of cake.

[35:28] I don't know why.

[35:29] I thought you wanted it.

[35:31] I was sweating.

[35:32] I could see you.

[35:33] It was so hot in there.

[35:35] You didn't turn the air conditioning on even though I asked like five times.

Elliott Kalan

[35:38] I was hoping people would get really hot from dancing and it would turn into like a dance club party.

Stuart Wellington

[35:43] Okay.

[35:43] Well, I guess we have stuff to go over later.

[35:45] I was hoping you would sweat out the alcohol but apparently that didn't work.

[35:48] No.

[35:49] No.

[35:49] Human biology.

[35:50] We'll talk about that later.

Dan McCoy

[35:52] So I do have a couple of letters here from listeners.

[35:55] Letters.

[35:56] Meow.

Elliott Kalan

[35:58] Oh, it looks like the Flophouse house cat is the mailman today.

[36:02] Thank you.

[36:03] Flophouse mail cat.

Dan McCoy

[36:04] Speed delivery.

[36:05] This one, it's appropriate because this letter is titled, The Flophouse house cat makes me pee.

[36:12] And it's from Travis, last name proudly not withheld, Combs.

[36:17] And it says –

Elliott Kalan

[36:17] And did he ask you not to withhold?

[36:20] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[36:21] I – to make it clear, I will –

[36:23] Slipped him a Mickey.

[36:24] Unless you say specifically.

[36:26] Unless you say specifically I will withhold your last name just out of a overly gentlemanly sense of privacy.

Elliott Kalan

[36:32] Yes.

[36:32] I assume this is the brother of Sean Puffy Combs.

[36:35] Yes.

Stuart Wellington

[36:35] Or Jeffrey Combs, my favorite actor in the world.

[36:38] Or they're identical triplets.

[36:40] I'd describe myself as a comosexual.

[36:43] And that I would have sex with Jeffrey Combs if he called me up.

Elliott Kalan

[36:46] Wouldn't that be a comosexual?

[36:47] Comosexual would sound like you want to have sex with Perry Cuomo.

Stuart Wellington

[36:51] Or –

[36:52] He'll have to wait until I'm done with Jeffrey Combs.

Elliott Kalan

[36:53] Or Governor Cuomo.

[36:55] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[36:55] Once again, he's at least fourth in line.

Elliott Kalan

[36:57] Yeah.

[36:57] Oh, that's going to date this episode.

[36:58] In future decades when people listen to this, they'll be like, Governor Cuomo.

[37:02] Yep.

[37:02] When their robot teddy bear tells them –

[37:05] About the –

[37:06] Governor Cuomo was governor of New York State.

[37:08] Not that it was about the –

[37:09] Thanks, Teddy Ruxpin 2000.

[37:10] 2010 Oscar season.

Stuart Wellington

[37:12] Yeah.

[37:13] Why is it Teddy Ruxpin 2000?

[37:14] Yeah, because it's 2,000 years in the future.

[37:16] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[37:20] It has no relation actually to the original Teddy Ruxpin.

[37:24] They just –

[37:25] It's a strange coincidence.

[37:26] They have the same idea.

[37:27] Teddy Truck Spin.

Elliott Kalan

[37:28] The spinning truck.

[37:30] Anyway, you're saying –

[37:30] Work on it.

[37:31] Dear Floppers.

[37:32] I'm workshopping that concept.

Dan McCoy

[37:34] It says, there's not a podcast out there as consistently entertaining, hilarious, and dare I say informative as the Flophouse.

[37:40] Every time the Flophouse house cat comes out of New York City,

[37:43] Out of nowhere with its patented Rarar.

[37:46] That's my –

[37:47] That's terrible.

[37:48] I pee my pants laughing.

[37:50] No, it's a small letters for the Rar.

[37:53] Raw.

[37:54] And then a large all-cast for the Rar.

[37:57] It's like a jump scare in a horror movie.

[37:59] A guy walks around the corner.

[38:01] Cues scary music.

[38:02] Uh-oh.

[38:03] What's that noise?

[38:03] Better check it out.

Elliott Kalan

[38:05] Rawr.

[38:06] And bam.

[38:08] Pants peed.

Dan McCoy

[38:10] And since I listen to your podcast at work –

[38:11] Popcorn thrown into the air.

[38:13] Love.

[38:14] I'm on at least my fourth listen-through of every one that's a lot of ruined pants.

[38:18] But guess what?

[38:19] I don't care because I love the Flophouse.

[38:20] And by extension, the house cat so very much.

Elliott Kalan

[38:23] Oh, that's good because we're not going to pay you for the pants.

Dan McCoy

[38:24] Okay.

[38:26] But he has an actual question.

[38:28] And his question is this.

[38:29] Is there a movie you used to love a lot?

[38:31] And as you've grown older, you realize it's a pretentious piece of shit and can't stand to watch it anymore.

[38:37] For me, it's got to be Bodies Rest in Motion with Phoebe Cates, Bridget Fonda, Tim Roth, and Eric Stoltz.

[38:42] When I was in high school and college, I thought it was the height of genius and restrained symbolism and meaning.

[38:47] I forced my friends to watch it all the while going, see?

[38:51] Isn't that fucking genius?

[38:53] Now I know the truth.

[38:53] It sucks.

[38:55] Just wondering what you guys' picks were for used to be greats.

[38:58] By the way, I enjoy it when guests are on, but the Flophouse truly shines with the Fab Four of Dan Stewart, Elliot, and the Flophouse house cat.

[39:06] Those are the shows I cherish.

Stuart Wellington

[39:07] I really appreciate that when I film.

Elliott Kalan

[39:10] He just walked out of the room.

[39:13] He comes and goes as he flees.

Dan McCoy

[39:14] He knows he's the star.

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] Sometimes he's just walking by carrying a plate with a cheese sandwich on it, just leans over towards the microphones and yowls and then walks away.

[39:24] Not even at an appropriate time.

[39:25] No.

Stuart Wellington

[39:27] You know, to answer your question, I don't know if I'd say I felt it was really deep, but a movie that I used to love, and then I recently bought it on DVD because it was re-released,

[39:36] which is L.A. Confidential.

[39:37] That's fair.

[39:38] And watching it kind of recently, it's kind of slower.

[39:44] Like, the pacing isn't quite as good.

[39:46] And, like, it feels cheaper than I remember it feeling.

[39:50] Like, maybe it was because in between I had read the book.

[39:55] But, yeah, just it feels like the world is less believable than I originally thought.

[40:02] Like, it looks like everything's made out of, like, paper now.

[40:06] You know?

[40:06] Like, the set seems strange.

[40:08] Like, it just doesn't work for me anymore.

Dan McCoy

[40:10] I think this is not a movie that I loved by any means.

[40:15] But it's a movie that I liked when I was a teenager and was much more susceptible to angst.

[40:22] Like, I think this is in the spirit of Bodies, Rest in Motion.

[40:24] Like, at the time, I remember enjoying Pump Up the Volume.

[40:30] And now, like, that is the biggest, like, pile of horse shit ever to be, like, stuffed down, like, a grumpy teenager's throat.

[40:38] Like, that is just a bunch of nonsense, that movie.

[40:42] I mean, it's no Cuffs.

[40:44] It is no Cuffs.

[40:45] Cuffs is a delightful Beverly Hills Cop ripoff.

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] I mean, this is hard for me to say.

[40:49] I want to talk about Cuffs in more detail later, by the way.

[40:52] This is hard for me to say, but I guess I'd have to say the Jerky Boys movie?

[40:56] Yeah, sure.

[40:57] No.

[40:58] It's a good question.

[40:59] We're not going to have to think about it more.

[41:00] A movie that I watched recently and I still liked a lot but I didn't love it as much was The Dark Crystal, which as a kid –

Dan McCoy

[41:07] Wow, I can't believe that you still like it at all.

Elliott Kalan

[41:10] Well, as a kid, I adored it.

[41:12] And watching it again as an adult, like, I really like a lot of the monsters in it and I like a bunch of the scenes in it, but it just doesn't hold together the same way that it once did.

[41:20] And I have always hated the main characters, so that didn't help that –

[41:24] They're creepy looking.

Dan McCoy

[41:24] I think I've been on record as saying, like, that they look like the drawings of pedophiles or something.

[41:29] It's a very strange look to them.

Stuart Wellington

[41:32] So I guess I'll be changing my Halloween costume.

[41:35] Thanks, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[41:36] And as much as I hate to say it, I mentioned Terry Gilliam earlier.

[41:39] I think if I watched Brazil now – I haven't seen it since college.

[41:44] And I first saw it in high school and I watched it a lot since then.

[41:48] And I think I would not love it.

[41:51] I don't think I would be as amazed by it as I was when I first saw it.

Dan McCoy

[41:53] I think that Brazil holds up.

[41:55] I think that the Fisher King doesn't hold up that well.

Stuart Wellington

[41:57] Well, the ending of Brazil, I mean, it's kind of ripping off Repo Men.

Elliott Kalan

[42:03] Zing!

[42:04] And I would say –

[42:05] Take that, Repo Men.

[42:06] A movie I just don't like as much anymore is Doctor Strange Love, which when I was younger I liked a lot.

[42:12] And now I find it all right.

Dan McCoy

[42:14] You know, it's okay.

[42:15] I haven't seen that in years.

[42:16] When I first saw it, that was one of my favorite movies ever.

Elliott Kalan

[42:18] Yeah, I used to love it, but you know.

Stuart Wellington

[42:22] And The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure actually has gotten better over time.

[42:27] Makes its reappearance.

Dan McCoy

[42:29] I thought you were going to say, since the advent of the internet, it seems like there's a lot less nudity in that film than I originally thought.

Stuart Wellington

[42:36] Yeah, but that's part of the joy is teasing out those little bits of nudity.

Elliott Kalan

[42:40] I find that there are more movies that I didn't like and I watch them again and I like them more than vice versa.

[42:47] Like movies that I come to appreciate more.

[42:49] Like when I was a kid, I didn't like the movie Meet Me in St. Louis at all.

[42:53] But when I watch it now, I really love it.

[42:55] Like it's a really good movie and a really good musical.

Dan McCoy

[42:58] I actually find that my thing was when I was younger, I had a lot more time to watch classic films.

[43:07] Just like time on my hands to watch classic films.

[43:10] And also I was more open to watching more challenging movies because –

[43:15] Like Straight Talk?

[43:17] Yes.

[43:18] Like Straight Talk.

[43:19] Starring Dolly Parton.

[43:20] Like another Steak Out?

[43:21] James would.

[43:22] No, no.

[43:23] But I would also watch more challenging movies when I was younger because I didn't have the pressures of living an adult life.

[43:30] And so I can enjoy that.

[43:32] And now I find myself actually turning into a stupider person slowly when it comes to my movie consumption.

[43:39] Where I really will on occasion be one of those guys like, I don't want to watch the movie that I know is actually good.

[43:45] Let's go see Drive Angry in 3D.

[43:47] Yeah.

[43:48] But that's my shameful confession.

[43:51] Very shameful.

Elliott Kalan

[43:52] See, I used to watch a lot more monster movies when I was younger.

[43:55] So like –

[43:55] We're trading places.

[43:56] Yeah.

[43:56] I saw Terror of Mechagodzilla any number of times.

[43:59] No.

Dan McCoy

[44:02] And so the second email has no –

[44:07] What?

[44:09] It's not signed.

[44:10] It says –

[44:10] No text.

[44:11] It says,

[44:11] Hey dear, I am for a decent man.

[44:14] As for me, I am a young Russian girl.

[44:17] Do you like Russian women?

[44:19] They are not just beautiful and smart but very tolerant too.

[44:22] I love the Flophouse house cat.

[44:23] Russian women value family and try to be with their husbands as much as possible.

[44:28] It's time to get to know each other.

[44:30] See you on marriage agency.

[44:32] Share-io.

Elliott Kalan

[44:33] This seems to me like not a real email.

[44:37] No.

[44:37] But rather an advertisement.

Dan McCoy

[44:40] That would have worked better if I hadn't broken up in laughter several times at my own stupid joke while reading it.

[44:48] Wait.

Stuart Wellington

[44:48] What the fuck is going on?

[44:49] I thought some Russian woman was writing this.

Elliott Kalan

[44:51] Stuart is currently applying some sort of salve to his knuckles in preparation for I assume punching Dan.

[45:00] It's going to go a lot smoother.

[45:03] Trust me.

[45:03] My skin is going to crack a lot less if it softens.

Stuart Wellington

[45:06] But the trick that Dan is going to employ is I'm going to punch him a bunch and then he's going to wait until the very end and then punch me in the back.

[45:12] Oh, you're going to go down.

Elliott Kalan

[45:13] But it's going to be very boring up until that point.

[45:15] It's going to go for 15 minutes and you're just going to hear commentators going,

[45:18] How can he take this punishment?

[45:20] They should stop the fight.

Dan McCoy

[45:22] You're going to do some crack.

[45:24] Now that that shameful chapter.

[45:27] Jump out a window onto a pile of garbage.

[45:29] It's over.

[45:30] I want to say.

[45:30] Now that our long national email nightmare is over.

[45:33] I want to take a moment to say that I've put a donation button up on the website because I do spend some money producing this podcast.

[45:43] It's surprising.

[45:44] I know.

[45:45] But there are bandwidth costs.

[45:47] There's movie rental costs.

[45:48] And Stuart and I do not kick anything.

[45:49] Other things.

[45:51] We steal from Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[45:53] Actually, whenever we're here, we take something from his apartment.

[45:55] So change dish.

Dan McCoy

[45:59] If you're in a place in your life where you can toss some money towards a stupid podcast, I don't want people who are struggling in this economy.

Elliott Kalan

[46:09] At a time like this when the economy is booming.

Dan McCoy

[46:11] Yeah.

[46:12] No, I don't want anyone who's struggling to be giving us any money because really that would be stupid.

[46:19] If it's a choice between the flop house and your next meal.

[46:22] However.

Stuart Wellington

[46:22] But if you say you won a bunch of bucks on your Oscar poll.

[46:25] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:26] Say you're an eccentric millionaire.

Stuart Wellington

[46:29] Okay.

[46:30] Like a Scrooge McDuck maybe?

[46:31] Or better yet.

Dan McCoy

[46:34] Well, not better yet.

[46:35] But if anyone listening knows an eccentric millionaire who loves bad movies.

[46:40] Yep.

[46:40] They're.

[46:40] Introduce probably a bunch.

[46:42] I think Roger Corman.

[46:44] Jerry Bruckheimer.

[46:45] You just described Roger Corman and Jerry Bruckheimer.

[46:47] And late Don Simpson.

[46:49] And through the handy donate button at www.flophousepodcast.com, they can toss some of their eccentric millions our way.

Elliott Kalan

[46:59] And we mean like because they're eccentric.

[47:01] Not like a million.

[47:03] No, I want the.

[47:04] Because Lugals.

[47:05] Or something, you know.

[47:06] A million crazy bucks.

[47:08] Space bucks.

[47:09] Yeah.

[47:10] Well.

Dan McCoy

[47:11] I don't know.

[47:12] I can take some space bucks.

[47:14] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[47:15] They'll be helpful in the future.

[47:16] What?

[47:16] I would love to see a really serious science fiction movie where they just call the money space bucks.

[47:21] I do.

[47:22] I do want to take a moment.

[47:22] Everything's just.

[47:23] It's a really well made, really philosophical science fiction movie.

[47:26] But it's always like, take a seat in that space chair.

Dan McCoy

[47:28] Are you ready for space lunch?

[47:30] I do want to take a moment to say though.

[47:32] Hey, space friends.

[47:34] Thank you.

[47:35] To people who did donate.

[47:36] I don't want this to turn into film spotting where it seems like half of the podcast is them listing the names of people who donated.

[47:43] Or train spotting where we're all heroin addicts.

[47:46] But.

[47:46] That'd be even worse.

[47:47] But I want to say thank you.

[47:48] Then we'd need more money.

[47:50] Thank you to Dean C. and Lou S. for tossing some money.

[47:54] Thank you very much.

[47:55] Thank you.

[47:55] Folks.

[47:56] You're the best.

Stuart Wellington

[47:57] Speaking of delicious donations.

[48:00] Delicious donations.

[48:00] Yeah.

[48:01] Delicious.

[48:01] What do you guys think of the chicken we had for Oscar night?

[48:04] It was pretty good, right?

Dan McCoy

[48:05] It was delicious.

[48:06] So are you going to try and get donations out of us?

Stuart Wellington

[48:08] And that was Not Just Chicken from Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.

Elliott Kalan

[48:12] So if you're listening, Not Just Chicken and Bensonhurst, mail us some chicken over the email.

Dan McCoy

[48:18] It was delicious.

[48:19] So normally now we would do some recommendations.

[48:22] But I had an off-topic story I wanted to tell.

[48:25] I think.

[48:25] Well, I'm sold.

[48:26] Did one of you.

Elliott Kalan

[48:27] Did one of you have an off-topic story?

[48:29] I'd like to hear more.

[48:30] I feel like one of you also had something that you wanted to address.

[48:32] Well, Stuart, you wanted to talk about coming in track previous.

[48:35] But we kind of talked about that before the podcast.

[48:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:36] I think I've burned myself out of that.

[48:38] Basically came down to complaining about Sucker Punch.

[48:40] Yeah.

[48:41] Okay.

[48:42] Well, so I want to tell a story.

[48:43] I will not sucker that punch.

Dan McCoy

[48:44] I want to tell you guys a story about the internet.

Stuart Wellington

[48:48] Okay.

[48:49] So you discovered internet pornography again?

[48:53] Again.

Elliott Kalan

[48:54] I have that memento disease.

[48:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:56] He had the men in black idols.

Elliott Kalan

[48:58] I call it memento's disease.

[49:00] The same disease that memento had.

Dan McCoy

[49:02] I've tattooed on my body, porn, try the internet.

[49:08] And I'm excited every time I see it.

[49:10] Now, I was chatting with my brother on Gmail chat.

[49:18] And the subject of Inspector Gadget came up.

[49:22] Sure.

[49:22] Because my brother…

[49:23] This is off topic.

[49:23] …is as obsessed with childish things as I am.

[49:27] And he's older than I am.

[49:29] But he was talking about how, you know, he…

[49:31] So you figure as long as he's doing it, it's okay for you too.

[49:33] Yeah.

[49:34] Yeah.

[49:34] As long as we maintain the same relationship between our ages, it's fine.

Elliott Kalan

[49:39] Hey, one of you better not go into space.

[49:41] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:43] But…

[49:44] Bring back a bunch of space books.

[49:47] No, that would be good.

[49:49] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:49] No, you should do that.

[49:50] Yeah.

[49:50] Astro shoes.

[49:52] Yeah.

[49:52] But my brother brought up how much he had always liked the score to Inspector Gadget.

[49:57] And that, you know, I had waves of nostalgia come over me.

[50:01] I go to YouTube.

[50:02] I look at some Inspector Gadget-related videos on YouTube.

[50:05] Point.

[50:06] And I scroll down to the comments section.

[50:09] And one comment on one of the Inspector Gadget-related videos catches my eye.

[50:14] And it simply says,

[50:16] What if Penny met a dinosaur?

[50:20] And there was, in all, like, small letters, there was something sort of plaintive about it that caught my eye.

[50:26] Like, I found this particularly beguiling.

[50:29] Just someone wondering.

Stuart Wellington

[50:30] Is there anybody listening to me here?

[50:31] What if…

Dan McCoy

[50:32] I just had to make my answer.

[50:37] My message in a bottle.

[50:39] A question that will never be answered by Canonical Inspector Gadget.

Elliott Kalan

[50:44] Certainly not by Deke, the animation studio that did Inspector Gadget.

Dan McCoy

[50:47] So I post about this actually on Facebook.

[50:49] And I post about the what if Penny met a dinosaur comment on Facebook.

[50:56] And this firestorm of Inspector Gadget commentary erupts.

[51:01] But my friend Kelly says, you know, like, that she thinks that if you plugged the phrase what if Penny met a dinosaur into the Internet,

[51:09] then you would reach the end of the Internet.

[51:10] And so I actually Google this.

[51:12] You know, I Google what if Penny met a dinosaur.

Elliott Kalan

[51:14] Your job really absorbs you.

Stuart Wellington

[51:17] You get full satisfaction from it.

[51:20] And I find…

[51:21] There's a point when a job becomes a career, Elliot.

[51:25] It's called the terminus S, if you will.

Dan McCoy

[51:27] So following this train, you know, it's like all the President's Men.

[51:32] I'm following the money, but I'm following…

[51:34] You're following the penny.

[51:35] Yeah, I'm following the money.

[51:36] Yeah, the money train.

[51:37] So I click on another link that Google coughs up for me.

[51:42] And it is…

[51:43] It appears to be some sort of bondage-inflected illustration of an older Penny.

[51:51] You know, I…

[51:53] What's the rule?

[51:54] If it exists, there's pornography relating to it.

[51:57] It's like a rule 34.

[51:58] Yeah, I think Socrates came up with that.

[52:00] No, this is like an Internet meme.

[52:03] Like, if it exists, there's pornography.

[52:04] Like, so…

[52:05] But there's a bondage-themed photo.

[52:07] And I scroll down, like, wondering why…

[52:09] Like a photo or a…

[52:10] Not a photo.

[52:10] Sorry.

[52:11] It's an illustration.

[52:12] It's a cartoon that someone…

Elliott Kalan

[52:14] So what strong style?

[52:15] Like Ashcan School or what, you know?

[52:17] Sure.

[52:17] I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[52:18] It's an older Penny tied up.

[52:19] Great tale.

[52:20] But I scroll down to the comments section of this.

Elliott Kalan

[52:23] Because, of course, this has comments as well.

[52:25] And in the comments, someone says,

Dan McCoy

Elliott Kalan

[52:31] So what you thought was a kind of adorable plaintive cry…

[52:35] No.

[52:35] …turns out was a request for bondage-themed…

Dan McCoy

[52:38] Possibly.

[52:38] …beastiality Penny porn.

[52:39] So I go back to the Google search.

[52:42] I click on the next one down.

[52:43] Same site.

[52:45] A less disturbing illustration of Penny.

[52:48] Oh, my goodness.

[52:49] But I scroll down.

[52:49] She's doing better.

[52:50] I scroll down and, again,

[52:55] So now I'm intrigued by this guy.

[52:57] I click on this guy's user…

[52:58] You are bordering dangerously close to an obsession

Elliott Kalan

[53:00] that will lead you into a web of deceit.

[53:04] And seduction.

[53:05] It's going to lead me to fear.com.

Dan McCoy

[53:08] No, I like the seduction angle.

[53:11] So I click on this guy's username.

[53:14] And I find, like, this…

[53:16] Love Games.

[53:17] Starring Dan.

[53:18] I click on this guy's username.

[53:20] And I get this message that says,

[53:22] This user has been permanently banned from this site.

[53:25] Wow.

[53:27] For, I assume, asking too much about Penny and this fucking dinosaur.

[53:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:31] You asked the wrong questions.

Dan McCoy

[53:32] You made some powerful enemies on the Penny bondage site.

Stuart Wellington

[53:35] He followed the money trail.

[53:37] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:38] So, guys, I…

[53:39] To me, what you're saying is don't go chasing waterfalls.

Dan McCoy

[53:42] What I loved about this whole experience, though, was, like, peeling back the layers of the onion.

[53:49] There was always something new to discover.

Stuart Wellington

[53:52] So are you plugging being a fucking kid detective?

[53:54] Like, what?

Elliott Kalan

[53:56] And let's look at what you discovered.

[53:58] You discovered that there's an Inspector Gadget-themed bondage porn site.

[54:01] And that someone has irritated the moderator of this site.

Stuart Wellington

[54:07] Fucking congratulations, dude.

[54:09] You cracked it.

Elliott Kalan

[54:09] Yeah.

[54:10] Super salute McCoy over here.

[54:11] Regular encyclopedia brown.

[54:14] Fuck you, Billy Quiz boy.

Stuart Wellington

[54:15] You get the fucking key to the city.

[54:17] Key to the internet.

Elliott Kalan

[54:19] Oh, it's too bad your dad, the police chief, can't tell anyone about his genius detective son.

[54:27] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[54:28] You guys just don't understand the beauty of what I've discovered.

Stuart Wellington

[54:31] Because, you know, when you start turning over rocks, you're going to find some snails.

Elliott Kalan

[54:35] Yeah, that's for sure.

[54:38] It was a fitting story for this bad movie podcast.

Dan McCoy

[54:42] But, guys, seriously, I guess what I'm asking is…

[54:44] I guess, ultimately, though, what I'm asking is, what if Penny Metagard's sore?

[54:48] Because that commenter was me.

Elliott Kalan

[54:51] Bum, bum, bum.

[54:55] Yeah, I don't know what would happen.

[54:57] What if Penny…

Dan McCoy

[54:57] She'd probably get eaten by the dinosaur.

[54:59] Depends on the kind of dinosaur.

Stuart Wellington

[55:01] Yeah, well, a brontosaurus probably wouldn't eat her.

Dan McCoy

[55:03] Yeah, yeah.

[55:03] It would eat vegetables.

Stuart Wellington

[55:06] Yeah, vegetables.

[55:06] Unless she and fucking Brain were dressed up as, like, a tree or something.

Elliott Kalan

[55:11] Which, who knows, one of Inspector Gadget's employees might have made that happen.

[55:15] Brain always had to hide in costumes.

[55:17] Because the sight of a dog would destroy him.

Dan McCoy

[55:20] And then Inspector Gadget would say,

[55:23] It's a mad agent!

[55:24] And then wacky hijinks would ensue, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[55:27] Yeah, and Don Adams would deposit the check at his bank account.

[55:31] And then go on to do some Wendy's commercials.

[55:33] Yeah, I see.

Dan McCoy

[55:36] Anyway.

[55:37] So that's my story.

[55:38] Whew.

[55:39] Well, it's not really your story.

Stuart Wellington

[55:42] That was, like…

[55:43] It's part of, like, humanity's brander story.

[55:44] Well, it's going to be my story when I write a screenplay about it.

Elliott Kalan

[55:46] That was, like, an H.P. Lovecraft story where someone's reading through, like, journal entries left behind.

[55:51] Except instead of a monster, it was the dumbest question ever asked.

[55:55] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[55:55] So, we've wasted so much time on this that, I mean, like, if we're going to do…

[56:00] I mean, wasted.

[56:03] That's a harsh way to put it.

[56:04] Yeah.

[56:04] What's going on?

[56:06] I don't know whether we should even do recommendations or…

[56:08] Let's save them for next time.

[56:09] Let's save them.

[56:10] I do want to do a plug, though, before we leave.

[56:14] Sure.

[56:14] If you fucking plug this Bondage Penny website, I'll fucking kill you.

[56:19] It's the DeviantArt.

[56:20] No.

[56:22] The plug is for…

[56:23] I just did a guest spot on another podcast that will be released this Friday, so shortly before…

[56:30] It drops this Friday.

[56:31] Yeah.

[56:31] It drops this Friday, shortly before this podcast actually gets put out.

[56:36] So, it will be…

[56:37] By the time you hear this, it will be there.

[56:38] Yeah.

[56:39] It will be available for you.

[56:40] It's called Read It and Weep.

[56:42] It's this podcast that is actually a bad book podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[56:46] It's a comments podcast.

Dan McCoy

[56:49] And for this bad book podcast, I had to suffer through the audio book of City of Bones Mortal Instruments.

[56:58] And it's actually not finished.

[56:59] I suffer through the first half because it's a long enough book that this podcast is going to be split into two.

[57:05] I'm going to be recording two separate episodes.

[57:07] But the first City of Bones Mortal Instruments podcast has me as a guest.

[57:15] So, I will put a link to Read It and Weep on our website, FlophousePodcast.com.

Elliott Kalan

[57:20] How convenient.

[57:21] Thank you.

[57:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:23] Guys, do you have anything you want to plug?

[57:24] This will…

[57:25] I know you're showing Death Street Rides again, but this is going to go after that.

[57:27] Yeah.

[57:28] I'm doing it tomorrow.

Elliott Kalan

[57:30] I'll just plug my movie series, Closely Watched Films for Anyone in New York.

[57:33] First Wednesday of every month at 92i Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street, Manhattan.

[57:39] It'll be too late to have seen Death Street Rides again by the time this airs.

[57:42] But on April 6th, I will be showing the Fritz Lang spy thriller Ministry of Fear with Ray Moland where Ray Moland is released from an insane asylum, wins a cake at a county fair, and then is chased by Nazis who want that cake.

[57:57] And it's a really fun movie.

[57:59] And I'm trying to get a special guest for it, but I don't have him yet, so I don't want to say who it is.

[58:03] But that will be the first Wednesday in April.

Stuart Wellington

[58:06] And I want to briefly promote March 19th, there will be a delightful Purim party here in Park Slope, Brooklyn.

[58:15] Yeah, whenever Purim is.

[58:16] At Charlene's Bar on Flatbush Avenue.

[58:19] I totally recommend going because I'll be there and maybe I'll drag these two guys along.

Dan McCoy

[58:23] Woo!

[58:23] Sounds like a delightful way to spend your Purim.

Stuart Wellington

[58:26] Dan can dress up like Haman and we can throw things at him.

Elliott Kalan

[58:30] Yeah.

[58:30] This is a Jewish holiday Dan is just learning of now.

[58:33] I've heard it spoken of.

[58:35] I know nothing about it.

[58:37] Elliot will be dressed up as Esther.

[58:38] Well, I'll tell you the story of Esther and Haman.

Stuart Wellington

[58:41] I think Elliot might be helping us do the costume contest judging.

Elliott Kalan

[58:45] Yes, if I'm not, I may be returning from Paris that day, but if I'm not, then I will be helping judge the costume contest.

[58:52] And I hope I am judging the costume contest.

Dan McCoy

[58:55] Okay, now what do we do?

[58:56] Well, now we sign off for the Flophouse.

[59:00] I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[59:02] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[59:05] I'm Elliot Cailin.

[59:07] Guys.

[59:08] No, that was a sad ending.

[59:09] What's going on?

Elliott Kalan

[59:10] I was trying to go for Pate.

[59:11] I want to get a best actor.

[59:12] I want to get a name for the Potties.

[59:14] What if Penny Metadine is going to be?

[59:17] Well, here we go again.

[59:18] What if he feels like he needs to hip or hop?

Dan McCoy

[59:27] I would give you the opposite of the normal advice, which is don't stop.

[59:31] I would say stop immediately.

[59:33] What if he has to pop or lock?

[59:34] What should he do?

[59:35] He should lock.

[59:35] You're being uncharacteristically quiet, Stuart.

Stuart Wellington

[59:38] I'm trying to remember all my M&M raps.

[59:40] You mean raps about M&Ms?

[59:42] Yeah, where those two M&Ms rap about that one green M&M they want to fuck.

The Flop House's Third Annual Awards Floptacular

Transcript

In this episode

Description