The Flop House: Episode #84 - Sucker Punch

[0:00] After our week off, we return with the very definition of an unpleasant surprise.

[0:05] We discuss Sucker Punch.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And look, coming around the bend. No, it's the last stretch. Neck and neck, here he is.

[0:41] Cross the finish line, Elliot Kalin.

[0:43] Wow, that was exciting.

[0:44] Yeah, no song, no song.

[0:45] Ba-ba-ba-ba-da-da-da. Elliot's back. Elliot's back. From the last episode. I'm back. Hey!

[0:55] Yeah. Elliot has a lot of flavor. I think you should tell people what you're parading around the Daily Show offices in today.

[1:02] Well, I'm sure you could put the pictures up on the website if you wanted to.

[1:05] But my friend and coworker Wyatt Cenac bought an adult full-body Cobra Commander costume and complete with the added – he also bought the extra knife that straps to your thigh.

[1:20] Bought it for Elliot just because he thought it would be fun to see Elliot wear a Cobra Commander costume.

[1:25] Was that really the adult size and not the child size?

[1:27] It was the adult size.

[1:28] It was a little too big for me.

[1:29] It looks kind of like Cobra Commander's pajamas.

[1:31] But I did wear it for quite a while.

[1:35] As producer Jimmy Don said, you made a bit of a dumpy Cobra Commander in that outfit.

[1:40] Well, that's mostly the costume's fault.

[1:43] Yeah.

[1:43] I'll put a picture up on the website of you threatening me with the Cobra Commander knife.

[1:48] I think you should.

[1:50] And so, how about that TwinCiters screening, huh?

[1:52] Total success.

[1:53] If you missed it, you guys were a bunch of jerks.

[1:55] Well, I mean, or they don't live in the New York area.

[1:59] No, a bunch of jerks.

[1:59] Okay.

[2:00] They should have paid the money.

[2:01] To what?

[2:02] To fly out?

[2:02] To fly in.

[2:03] To play tickets.

[2:03] I mean, rates are dropping, right?

[2:06] No, they're actually going up.

[2:07] Oh, okay.

[2:08] Then, yeah, they shouldn't have come.

[2:10] Well, we want to thank all...

[2:10] I feel bad for you if you paid to come.

[2:13] I want to thank all of the fans that did come.

[2:16] We had a great turnout, and it was a great night.

[2:19] And we'll be uploading that to the internet?

[2:21] No.

[2:22] Oh, you mean it's a one-time only event?

[2:24] Well, I mean, that's not the case necessarily.

[2:27] That's what's exciting about live stuff, Elliot, is that you only get one chance to catch it.

[2:31] That's true.

[2:32] Then it's gone.

[2:33] And if they screw up, then they've got to do ether and add later of it.

[2:36] It's gone.

[2:37] But we might do another one.

[2:39] I mean, it was a big enough success that we could probably be convinced to do another one.

[2:43] How do we measure that success?

[2:45] Laps.

[2:46] I mean, ticket sales?

[2:47] Like a laugh-o-meter?

[2:48] Yeah, a laugh-o-meter.

[2:49] I like that better than this ticket sales thing

[2:52] Invented by Victor Laugh-O-Meter

[2:54] And it measured the laughs

[2:57] I mean, success for me was when the girl at the counter

[3:00] At the 92Y Tribeca screwed up Dan's pizza order

[3:03] Of which I tipped her an extra dollar

[3:05] Wait, what?

[3:06] Yeah, I tipped her extra

[3:08] Well, not before

[3:09] It's not like you said, hey, screw up that guy's pizza

[3:11] And there's another dollar in it for you

[3:13] It's like, that really good looking guy?

[3:14] I'm like, no, the guy sitting next to him

[3:16] Yeah, the better thing about that, though, Stuart, is I was supposed to get a performer's discount, and I mentioned that to the woman at the counter.

[3:26] She's like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3:27] And somehow in between – like the 30 seconds in between me saying that to her and her agreeing that I should get that discount and her ringing it up, she had forgotten that that conversation occurred and did not give me the discount.

[3:38] She had to pay the full eight dollars.

[3:40] She forgot that I put the order in entirely and I had to go up and remind her.

[3:45] Now, I don't know if you were paying attention, but when she said, yeah, yeah, yeah, was she making a jack-off motion with her right hand?

[3:50] No, no.

[3:51] Someone else had asked.

[3:51] Oh, that's what that motion is.

[3:52] I think Dan didn't hear.

[3:53] Someone else said, hey, what's your favorite band?

[3:55] And she went, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[3:57] Right.

[3:57] Wait, is that a band?

[3:58] The yeah, yeah, yeahs.

[3:59] Oh, OK.

[4:00] So.

[4:01] Oh!

[4:02] So, was that a werewolf?

[4:06] And now it's a werewolf DJ?

[4:08] Yep.

[4:10] Karen O is up next.

[4:12] And after that, my favorite song, Werewolves of London.

[4:15] We'll be playing that for six straight hours.

[4:18] So buckle in to W-O-L-F.

[4:23] Wolf Radio.

[4:25] A little too on the nose, but that's okay.

[4:28] So we thanked our fans for coming to the Twin Sitters show, and then Dan complained about the pizza.

[4:33] I think that covers the night.

[4:35] For those who weren't there.

[4:37] That's what we do.

[4:38] Thank our wives and mistresses.

[4:40] For those who weren't there, we had a fun segment where we interviewed our wives and, in Stuart's case, fiancée and embarrassed them in front of the audience.

[4:49] They were good sports about it.

[4:50] They were very good sports and didn't divorce any of us afterwards.

[4:53] Despite barely being asked to be in the show.

[4:55] And we had a couple of Flophouse superfans there, one of whom won a big prize package.

[5:04] It was a fun night for everyone.

[5:05] Stuart's big prize package?

[5:06] Yep.

[5:07] Whoa!

[5:08] You can come collect whenever you want.

[5:10] So I guess we should move on.

[5:13] Dot org?

[5:14] To a less exciting piece of business.

[5:18] Wow.

[5:19] This is so –

[5:20] Which is the actual purpose of the podcast.

[5:23] The movie we showed at the screening was Twin Sitters, which is a delight and a joy to behold.

[5:27] Yeah, watch that.

[5:28] The movie we watched tonight was what, Dan?

[5:30] Sucker Punch.

[5:31] Sucker Punch.

[5:34] It was a – it's a punch to the audience.

[5:38] Well, Elliot, you love 300 and Watchmen.

[5:43] You are a fan of visionary director Zack Snyder.

[5:45] I like 300 a lot.

[5:47] I think it's a lot of fun.

[5:48] Watchmen is a mediocre film.

[5:50] Zack Snyder is –

[5:52] The Dawn of the Dead remake is okay.

[5:53] I haven't seen that one.

[5:54] I like to think you have to have made more than three movies to be a visionary director, but the word visionary gets thrown around a lot.

[6:00] So I guess Sucker Punch is the fourth movie by this visionary.

[6:04] Yeah, Sucker Punch is the sort of movie that you make once no one can say no to you.

[6:08] Yeah, you've had a couple hits in a row.

[6:10] Enough box office success.

[6:12] Yeah, you get to blow all of your –

[6:14] Bop-o-B-o, they call it.

[6:15] Yep, Bop-o-B-o is what they call it.

[6:18] You have enough credit now in your Starbank to make the movie that you –

[6:26] To make the movie that you doodled on the back of your math notebook in eighth grade.

[6:30] So he takes a Starbucks and he goes to the movie center and buys all the stuff to make this movie.

[6:35] He says, I'd like to buy one.

[6:36] Five attractive girls, please.

[6:38] He's like, I'd like to buy one piece of shit movie, please.

[6:41] And the result was a skucker bunch.

[6:43] But Smucker's Bunch had a lot going for it.

[6:49] There were, you could see the upper thigh of a lot of girls.

[6:53] This was PG-13.

[6:55] A lot of navels, a lot of navel action.

[6:57] There was the constant unfulfilled promise of lesbian kissing.

[7:01] Okay.

[7:02] There was a lot of action where humans fought computer-generated things with swords and guns.

[7:09] The most exciting type of action.

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:12] When a person is fighting something that's not there.

[7:13] And looks like it's not there.

[7:15] Yeah.

[7:15] And you had no less than three different levels of reality, all of them stupid.

[7:19] Sure.

[7:20] Yeah, let's – now this is – I would love to hear Elliot try and synopsize this film because this is an MCX or puzzle box of a mystery of an enigma.

[7:30] What's going on?

[7:32] No two people see the same film.

[7:34] It's regular images.

[7:35] It's a regular persona.

[7:37] So we open with a wordless vignette in which – what's the name of the actress playing the main character?

[7:46] Emily Browning.

[7:47] Emily Browning.

[7:48] She was in the series of unfortunate events, and she was in the Flophouse film.

[7:53] I think The Uninvited was the –

[7:54] That's the one with the Jewish monster, right?

[7:56] The Jewish ghost?

[7:57] Yes, with the Dybbuk.

[7:58] No, wait.

[7:58] Is that the one with the Dybbuk?

[7:59] Yeah.

[8:00] It's not that one.

[8:00] Wait, which – I get The Uninvited and the –

[8:03] No, no.

[8:04] That's The Unborn.

[8:04] The Unborn was the Dybbuk.

[8:05] The Uninvited was the right one.

[8:07] The remake of Tale of Two Sisters.

[8:09] You had a panty shot on the cover.

[8:10] That's The Unborn.

[8:11] Oh, yeah.

[8:11] Yeah, which that – The Unborn promised a girl's butt in underpants, which I –

[8:16] And it delivered on that promise.

[8:17] Did it?

[8:17] I don't even remember that scene.

[8:18] So she looks, as Stuart pointed out, the main character of this film, Emily Browning, who plays the part of Babydoll, looks, as Stuart pointed out, like the Svedka Vodka robot from the ads.

[8:30] If that robot had to poop the entire time.

[8:32] If that robot had a blonde wig and looked like it needed to poop.

[8:35] And was dressed in like a Japanese sailor suit.

[8:38] Basically Sailor Moon costumes.

[8:41] So in a wordless vignette, she's a rich girl with a little sister and a dead mother and an evil stepfather.

[8:49] And the dead mother dies and the evil stepfather is horrified to learn that the wheel gives everything to the two daughters.

[8:58] So he wrecks his office and then tries to rape Babydoll and when she scratches his face, tries to rape the younger sister.

[9:05] Because if – I think in raping them, they would leave a pile of cash behind.

[9:08] Yeah, it's like a video game.

[9:10] Like Scott Pilgrim.

[9:10] When you kill someone, yeah, either that or a giant turkey leg, which he could eat for health.

[9:16] And then he would go, yum.

[9:17] And then he could fight Bobo or whatever the character from Double Dragon is.

[9:22] It's a Bobo.

[9:24] A Bobo.

[9:25] Yeah, a Bobo.

[9:26] It's a Bobo, just one.

[9:28] Yeah, I know.

[9:29] It's a Bobo.

[9:29] It's a Bulba from the pod race on Tatooine.

[9:32] Oh, man.

[9:33] Anyhoo.

[9:34] Man of the poodle.

[9:35] So while he has the younger girl cornered in a closet, Babydoll takes a gun from his desk

[9:40] and, trying to shoot him, somehow shoots a lightbulb and her sister at the same time, killing her sister.

[9:46] Who's significantly shorter than he is.

[9:48] Yes, and shorter than the lightbulb she hits.

[9:50] Well, not shorter than the lightbulb itself, but where the lightbulb is stationed.

[9:54] Yes, that's true. It's not a seven-foot-long lightbulb.

[9:57] It's not an industrial fluorescent tube.

[10:00] I mean, if it was that big, you know, it would be hard for her not to shoot the lightbulb.

[10:04] At that point, it must be some kind of art installation that they just have in the house.

[10:08] Anyhoo, so the evil stepfather brings her to a kind of –

[10:13] Thank you, Stuart.

[10:14] Thanks, Stuart.

[10:15] That's the movie in a nutshell.

[10:17] Edit that out.

[10:17] It is Belch.

[10:18] The evil stepfather takes her to a evil mental institution where she is –

[10:25] Lennox Hill.

[10:25] Lennox Hill it's called.

[10:26] And there she enters a fantasy world in which she and a group of other girls are kind of sex slave burlesque performers.

[10:37] Sex slave slash taxi dancer or something.

[10:39] Yeah.

[10:40] In this weird club boarding house prison that is run by the orderly from the mental institution, but he has a mustache here.

[10:50] And he's some kind of crime boss or something.

[10:52] He seems sort of more like a Latin mobster.

[10:55] Yeah.

[10:56] And Carla Gugino is –

[10:57] But as soon as she goes into this fantasy world, we basically forget about the other one, right?

[11:02] Yes.

[11:03] It does not switch between that level of reality back to the mental institution.

[11:06] They don't go back to the mental hospital until the end of the movie.

[11:09] Okay.

[11:09] And basically what happens is – well, she's – the baby doll is about to get lobotomized, and then it switches to this other plane of reality.

[11:17] She's there.

[11:20] They're burlesquing.

[11:21] Carl Gugino is like a dance coach.

[11:24] Yeah.

[11:25] He's Russian.

[11:25] Yeah.

[11:26] And the amazing thing about –

[11:27] She's got a real Natasha from Rocking Bull Eagle accent.

[11:30] Yeah, it's pretty bad.

[11:31] And all the girls walk around in like not really very revealing lingerie.

[11:36] It looks like they're in, like, bathing suits and tights.

[11:38] Yeah, enough thigh highs to make it, you know, that they're wearing long.

[11:42] You've got girls of every type.

[11:44] You have the skinny one, the blonde one, the Asian one, and the other one.

[11:49] The other one.

[11:51] It's like a regular brat cornucopia.

[11:55] There's a lot of—

[11:56] There's a lot of bratitude.

[11:57] There's a lot of very specific, like, hipster fetishes that are involved in this movie.

[12:02] Heavy eye makeup, thigh-high stockings.

[12:06] Like old-fashioned lingerie.

[12:08] Girls almost getting raped.

[12:09] Girls almost getting raped.

[12:10] Very popular fetish.

[12:11] So that's a big hipster thing.

[12:12] And it's like this world where Babydoll has been promised to some – and her other friends are named Rocket, Amber, Blondie, who doesn't have blonde hair.

[12:22] That's the smartness of it.

[12:24] Chastity, Asia.

[12:25] She's played by that one girl from High School Musical who was nude on the internet.

[12:29] And Rocket's older sister, Sweet Pea.

[12:32] And they all have stupid names because it's a stupid movie.

[12:35] And Babydoll has been promised to some high roller.

[12:38] And because it makes them less human by giving them names like that.

[12:41] Yes.

[12:41] They become fetish objects.

[12:42] They basically become sex dolls who don't have sex.

[12:45] Native American fetish objects.

[12:46] Yeah, they're totems.

[12:49] They carry a lot of power.

[12:51] To an animistic religion.

[12:53] It's a form of ancestor worship, I'm sure.

[12:58] They learn that Babydoll is this amazing dancer.

[13:00] And every time she dances, we don't see her dance.

[13:03] Instead, the camera zooms into her eye, and suddenly she's in a fantasy world where she fights.

[13:07] I mean she wiggles for a second.

[13:09] She wiggles kind of like a drugged-up Russian child prostitute for a couple seconds.

[13:13] Well, the first time she enters this world, Scott Glenn appears to her as like a sensei character.

[13:18] One of the first Americans in space?

[13:19] Yes.

[13:20] Yes, Scott Glenn.

[13:21] Actor Scott Glenn.

[13:23] John Glenn.

[13:24] You might remember him as the guy at the FBI who sends Jodie Foster down to meet Hannibal Lecter in Silence of the Lambs.

[13:36] Yeah.

[13:36] I'm mixing up actor's name and character name, but that's fine.

[13:39] But he tells her that he's going to give me five things.

[13:42] He is a sensei inside of a snow-covered pagoda.

[13:45] He's a David Carradine type.

[13:47] Yes, he is.

[13:48] Basically, Zack Snyder is saying, this is my David Carradine.

[13:54] If he hadn't killed himself, that hasn't been proven yet, right?

[14:00] That was – I thought – I mean it could have still been foul play.

[14:03] It could have been foul play.

[14:04] That's true, the movie.

[14:04] And he could have been watching foul play and been like, I do not want to watch any more of this.

[14:10] Or he could have been getting off to foul play.

[14:13] Yeah, he could have been like, oh, Chevy Chase.

[14:15] Oh my god.

[14:15] And anyway, basically this is Zack Snyder's Kill Bill is what we can get to eventually.

[14:25] Except he's not very good and he doesn't have Quentin Tarantino's basic understanding of human emotion.

[14:31] Or I would imagine cinema.

[14:35] Or how movies work, yeah.

[14:36] So anyway, Scott Glenn is her sensei now.

[14:42] she fights three giant samurai robots one of whom has a huge what gatling gun yep like a chain gun

[14:48] one guy's got a big naginata and yeah an old-time gatling gun like a real this happens a couple

[14:54] times throughout the movie that she goes and then when she's done killing these samurai we pull out

[14:58] of her eye she's done dancing and everyone is amazed at what a great dancer she is because

[15:03] apparently she's been dancing the story of killing samurai like i don't know and uh this happens a

[15:08] couple times throughout the movie and you see her in a couple different settings with the other

[15:12] girls one where they're in world war one and they're using machine guns to fight steampunk

[15:17] zombies and they blow up a zeppelin and there's a lot of kung fu bullshit and then another where

[15:22] they're in a world war ii bomber plane and they're over a fantasy castle and they have to fight a

[15:28] dragon and what was there another oh yeah they're on a futuristic train and fighting robots to stop

[15:35] a bomb or start a bomb like on mars or something and they're all each of these scenes has no bearing

[15:41] on what's happening in real life has nothing to do with anything that well she has to pick up five

[15:47] different objects in each of these scenes skyland is like you need to get out of there you need to

[15:51] get a map you need to get fire you need to get a knife and then you have to get some mysterious

[15:58] fifth other element perhaps love it turns out to be sacrifice okay uh it's not love from same thing

[16:04] guys no it's not love from the fifth yeah it's not lulu or corvindale well it's weird actually

[16:09] in the original draft of the fifth element the fifth element was chalk this earth wind fire

[16:15] water and chalk but then i think it was around i think after that earth and chalk were too similar

[16:20] i mean that's the while shooting was going on i think after shooting started they were like why

[16:25] don't we change it to love love guys actually i think they may have changed it to corn and then

[16:29] love maze maze which is corn i don't know why i mean they're french they're not native american

[16:35] i don't know why they go through two levels well that's why because they're like they didn't know

[16:40] that amazing corn yeah let's make it corn no no let's make it maze okay wait that's just corn

[16:44] okay it's the french obsession with the native american culture as evidenced by brotherhood of

[16:48] the wolf oh very wet very nice okay anywho so so we see these these action scenes that are not very

[16:56] well made i'm sure we'll talk about them and then bad things happen to good people in the world of

[17:02] in the burlesque world the evil crime boss finds out they're trying to escape that's what they're

[17:06] trying to do they're trying so she's already in a fantasy world and then when she starts a dance

[17:11] she goes into another fantasy pile another fantasy world on top then when and then there's a point

[17:17] where something wrong happens in the second level of fantasy in the burlesque world and so it like

[17:23] pulls her out of her her dancing world her dance her her like third level yeah but they never go

[17:30] all the way back to the first level until the end of the movie at the very end should i just give

[17:34] say the ending yeah at the very end all the other girls have been killed except for her and sweet

[17:39] pea who has no personality whatsoever and what are you talking about she's blonde she looks like

[17:43] nicole kidman kind of and baby doll realizes this was never my story this was your story i'm gonna

[17:49] sacrifice myself so you can escape and she does and it is at that moment that a the spike that

[17:58] was about to lobotomize her in the first level of reality goes into her eye and into her brain

[18:03] and she's lobotomized by john ham of tv's mad oh i like him i like him handsome most usually too

[18:08] and it turns out in a there's this completely like unnecessary tacked on ending where the

[18:14] Orderly at the mental hospital was, I guess, sexually abusing the girls.

[18:18] Like it's not really clear.

[18:19] He's been doing something terrible to them.

[18:21] He gets arrested, and it turns out she really did help another girl escape from the mental hospital.

[18:26] And now that girl is going to drive away to freedom on a bus driven by Scott Glenn.

[18:31] Yeah.

[18:31] And the movie opens with a shitty voiceover and it ends with a shitty voiceover saying,

[18:35] who has the power of freedom?

[18:37] Who decides our actions?

[18:38] You do.

[18:40] You have all the tools you need.

[18:42] It's like Babylon A.D., right?

[18:45] That was how that movie ended.

[18:46] It's a self-affirming movie.

[18:48] It's a self-affirming movie about the power of almost being raped and then getting lobotomized.

[18:53] Almost being raped and escaping into a fantasy world.

[18:55] It is a movie full of MTV-style music video nonsense and then at the end, lobotomy.

[19:05] Oh, I forgot that.

[19:06] To make you feel bad.

[19:07] Most of the movie is told with just covers of famous songs playing over the scenes.

[19:12] Yeah, there's a lot of songs that are ruined by terrible cover versions.

[19:16] You got your –

[19:17] Search and Destroy.

[19:17] Search and Destroy, Sweet Dreams, Tomorrow Never Knows, Where Is My Mind.

[19:23] Just, you know, like songs that you might enjoy if you actually heard the real version.

[19:28] Oh, White Rabbit or is that the other one?

[19:32] Yeah, White Rabbit.

[19:32] Bjork's Army of Me, Left Intact.

[19:35] That would not come –

[19:36] I wouldn't be surprised if Bjork did not give permission for a cover.

[19:39] Sure.

[19:40] Either that or she was so eager to be associated with Zack Snyder's Skucker Bunch that she just said,

[19:48] Use my movie song.

[19:50] Put it in.

[19:51] I'm Bjork.

[19:52] I mean, he is a visionary according to the movie posters.

[19:56] He is a visionary.

[19:57] He has made almost five films.

[19:59] He can see.

[20:00] He has vision.

[20:01] Did he do anything before his Dawn of the Dead remake?

[20:05] He made music videos, right?

[20:07] I don't know.

[20:07] That makes sense.

[20:08] I mean, this movie is basically a collection of crappy music videos.

[20:11] Yeah.

[20:11] And the action scenes all – it feels like they were test marketed by like just handing out polls at Comic-Con because there's like steampunk zombies and giant mechs and like robots and dragons and samurais.

[20:25] And this trope that's gotten very popular –

[20:28] And girls in short skirts.

[20:29] Well, that's the thing. The tough girl in a short skirt where it's like – it used to be the male fantasy to like save a woman from danger and that's like old action heroes used to be guys who saved animals in distress.

[20:41] And now it's almost like men have become so infantilized that the fantasy is a woman who can protect and take care of them.

[20:49] It went from women become – like Ripley in the Alien movies, like finally a woman is the action hero.

[20:55] This is really cool to being like, why can't there just be like a girl who dresses like I think girls should dress and she takes – she's like super mean with a sword but like she knows I'm cool, that kind of stuff.

[21:06] Well, also like the weird thing about like watching this movie is how dirty it makes me feel.

[21:10] Like when I've seen much dirtier things.

[21:12] I mean you're a disgusting person.

[21:14] Sure.

[21:14] I'm a terrible person.

[21:15] I'm a terrible human being.

[21:16] But like there's a certain honesty in just like being like this is like a fetish that's being presented.

[21:22] Like where this movie is like we're going to put a bunch of people in fetish gear and have a bunch of almost rapes.

[21:27] But we're going to pretend like it's a tale of empowerment and redemption.

[21:33] And also it's going to be PG-13.

[21:35] So like there's not a lot of swearing in it.

[21:37] There's a little bit.

[21:38] Like it keeps kind of teasing you that it's going to be more bizarre or trashy than it is.

[21:46] And it means that like in the scene in World War I –

[21:49] There's a lot of faux perversion.

[21:50] There's a World War I scene where Scott Glenn says to them, he goes, the Germans have figured out a way to bring the dead back to life with steam and gears.

[21:58] So don't worry about killing them.

[21:59] They're already dead.

[22:00] Mom and dad, it's OK.

[22:02] Your kids are watching this.

[22:03] Yeah, because they're just shooting robots, like just have them kill soldiers like it's a war scene.

[22:08] There's a moment where one of the girls reaches down and like shoves the – like pushes aside the hair on a young soldier's face and he's got bandages on his head.

[22:16] And it's like this brief moment of like, yeah, war hurts people.

[22:19] Sometimes kids have to fight war.

[22:21] War is not fun.

[22:23] Anyway, let's go kill some steampunk zombies.

[22:25] What's so civil about war anyway?

[22:27] I mean that wasn't a civil war.

[22:28] Oh, OK.

[22:29] What's so funny about peace, love, and understanding, guys?

[22:32] I don't –

[22:34] No, I want to go back to –

[22:36] What's the frequency, Ken?

[22:37] Dan made a comment about how –

[22:39] What's the buzz?

[22:39] Tell me what's happening.

[22:40] It is a collection of almost rapes, and they demonize every male character in this movie as being an almost rapist.

[22:46] Except Scott Glenn, the mystery shaman.

[22:49] Who's a desexualized, weird mystery shaman.

[22:52] Yes.

[22:52] Like Willie Tolsalt in The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

[22:55] How did I – well, that's – when The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure is far more of a feminine empowerment movie than this because like they run a successful business.

[23:04] They do.

[23:05] They make fools of the villains.

[23:07] They don't let the fact that their tops keep falling off get in the way.

[23:11] Why would you?

[23:13] Why would you?

[23:13] They embrace that fact.

[23:14] Like this is – yeah, the Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure becomes a feminist tract next to Skuckermunch.

[23:21] I can't even bring myself to pronounce the name correctly.

[23:25] This is a movie that demonizes all these male characters with almost rapes.

[23:28] But like how does it make the filmmakers any less creepy for filming it entirely about chicks and semi-fetish?

[23:35] Yeah.

[23:36] No, this is a creepy movie.

[23:38] It's a creepy movie that's not very good.

[23:40] Had it been good, the creepiness would have been overlooked.

[23:44] Well, had it been good, the creepiness would have been a good thing.

[23:47] Because a well-made movie that's creepy is not, it's going for an effect on purpose.

[23:53] You know, like a good horror movie is trying to make you uncomfortable, and it works.

[23:57] Like, this makes you uncomfortable because it's like, am I supposed to be, like, enjoying this?

[24:01] Like, what's the, you know?

[24:02] Well, and one thing that makes it death-proof with a lot of girls in small outfits.

[24:06] Yes, well, because Quentin Tarantino knows, you know, these are girls in small outfits.

[24:10] Yeah.

[24:11] One thing that makes me particularly angry about this movie, too, is, like, this movie, the whole middle section is just a bunch of nonsense action scenes that are just totally bubblegum.

[24:22] They don't mean anything.

[24:23] They're just, like, ridiculous, crazy bullshit.

[24:25] And then at the end of the movie, oh, we have this downer ending.

[24:28] It's like, well, this girl has gone through all this stuff, and now she gets a lobotomy.

[24:33] And I guess there's a ray of sunshine because she helped one other girl escape that we don't care about.

[24:37] But there's no need – like on a movie that's like such a popcorn stupid film to have like this bleak ending where a girl gets an unneeded lobotomy.

[24:46] Hey, man.

[24:48] That's life.

[24:48] I guess I've been taught a lesson.

[24:50] You've been taught a lesson about the real world.

[24:52] Deal with it.

[24:52] People get smacked down for stuff all the time.

[24:56] Jon Hamm goes around lobotomizing people.

[24:58] It's a weird moment at the end where –

[25:00] Jon lobotomizing Hamm.

[25:01] John Hamm has just lobotomized this girl, and John Hamm – and Carly Eugeno as the – it turns out she's the doctor in the Mental Institute comes in, and she's like, you lobotomized her, huh?

[25:11] I wouldn't have done that.

[25:13] Anyhoo, and John Hamm is like, your signature is on the forms authorizing this.

[25:18] She's like, no, it's not.

[25:19] What?

[25:20] I would never have signed that, and John Hamm is like, I don't like doing it either, but I'd do it.

[25:24] Like you have two characters who we're supposed to like, but they can't get too mad that a girl has just been lobotomized, especially since one of them did it.

[25:31] So like this weird moment of like, hey, don't blame Jon Hamm and Carla Gino.

[25:34] They're the good guys, even though they were fine with this.

[25:37] Yeah, it's a dirty world.

[25:38] It's a filthy world.

[25:40] Hey, you just learned another lesson.

[25:41] You should be paying Zack Snyder for all the lessons he's teaching you.

[25:43] Well, it's a moment where I think both of them realize there's a mistake made, but they just keep changing the subject.

[25:48] Like, oh, man, then I have to go home and make dinner.

[25:52] I don't have enough time for this.

[25:54] where are my shoes oh geez look at the time uh gotta go other weird thing is who put all the

[26:01] makeup on her before this isn't that strange oh no she's just flushed from whatever sickness she

[26:06] has so it's this is this is flushed from being aroused on this movie for some reason it's the

[26:13] this is like wait she was aroused i'm just saying like weird fetishization of everyone in the film

[26:19] Like, okay, and now she's the ultimate baby doll because we've removed her brainstem.

[26:25] Like, it's a terrible lesson.

[26:27] I mean, the women in the movie are basically puppets for Zack Snyder.

[26:31] Yeah, I mean, I'd say the, like, I'd compare them to, like, that manic pixie dream girl thing, but they're not even, they don't even have enough personality for that.

[26:38] Well, it's a different, it's a different type.

[26:40] It's the, it's the action pixie dream girl.

[26:41] Yeah.

[26:42] Where it's like.

[26:43] They're the pucker bunch.

[26:44] They're person.

[26:44] Pucker snunch?

[26:46] Sure.

[26:47] Gucker glunch.

[26:49] Naked Lunch.

[26:50] There you go.

[26:51] Wait, that's what we watched?

[26:53] Yeah, we watched Naked Lunch.

[26:54] Should have watched that.

[26:55] Starring Peter Weller.

[26:56] Yep.

[26:58] Peter Weller would have made a good Mystic Shaman character.

[27:02] Oh, sure.

[27:02] Yeah, if he wasn't busy getting his grad degree.

[27:04] I thought he was a teacher.

[27:09] I don't think he...

[27:09] I thought he was studying.

[27:11] No, I thought...

[27:12] What is he teaching?

[27:12] RoboCop?

[27:13] Come on.

[27:15] How to be a RoboCop.

[27:17] Step one.

[27:18] RoboCop.

[27:19] Step one, have a holster in your leg.

[27:21] You all failed.

[27:23] Look to your left, look to your right, both of you failed.

[27:27] You don't have holsters in your legs.

[27:29] Okay, today we're going to focus on eating baby food.

[27:33] Yeah, RoboCop 1-1, pretty tough class.

[27:39] Yeah, nobody gets to RoboCop 1-2.

[27:41] No one wants Professor Weller.

[27:43] I mean, unless you're already a RoboCop.

[27:47] It's a tough class.

[27:48] Professor Weller is a hard grader.

[27:50] Does not give pass-fail grades.

[27:51] But a great class.

[27:55] 8209, you've got potential.

[27:57] I got my eye on you.

[27:59] It's Sucker Punch, guys.

[28:02] Not very good.

[28:03] Not as good as Robocop.

[28:04] This is a movie for 14-year-old boys that if I had seen it as a 14-year-old, I would have thought it was terrible.

[28:11] It fails on pretty much every level.

[28:14] This is the heavy metal of movies.

[28:16] This is like the movie that you walk in to your local 7-Eleven and you masturbate to this because they don't have play points available.

[28:23] Wait, what?

[28:23] Oh, you mean the magazine.

[28:24] Well, you masturbate in the 7-Eleven?

[28:26] Yeah, in the Slurpee machine.

[28:28] You know.

[28:29] Wait, really?

[28:30] No, I don't know.

[28:32] You know, you masturbate in 7-Elevens, right?

[28:34] This is why Dan's criminal record as a juvenile is sealed because he masturbated on it.

[28:41] No, but this is – no, but this movie is to pornography as heavy metal was to like Playboy.

[28:49] This is like that weird like, okay, we're going to sort of like dirty up a little like science fiction.

[28:55] Well, there was that really weird scene where they cut that baby dragon's throat and stuck their hand in the wound and pulled like crystals out of it.

[29:02] Pulled out crystals, fire stones.

[29:03] That's pretty sexual.

[29:03] And then the mother dragon chased them and we were rooting for the mother dragon because they had just gone and killed her child.

[29:10] Yeah.

[29:11] Yeah, I mean, that's kind of bullshit.

[29:12] This is, I guess this is the step up for kids who are done masturbating to, like, bikini scenes in X-Men comics.

[29:18] Right.

[29:19] And are ready for harder stuff.

[29:21] Yeah.

[29:21] We should actually, I was going to say, we should have a chart of the masturbation development.

[29:28] But it's like, no, we shouldn't have that chart.

[29:30] No, we should not do that.

[29:31] We should not do that one.

[29:32] Anyone looking for that chart, we don't want looking for us.

[29:35] Yeah.

[29:36] Pennies, dinosaurs, etc.

[29:39] You've got kids looking to find out what would happen if Penny met a dinosaur, and then they're seeing that.

[29:44] It's bad for them.

[29:45] Oh, by the way, speaking along these lines, I was looking at the keywords that sent people to the Flophouse website, and one of them recently, there were two searches for I am number four porn.

[29:56] So that is a very small market.

[30:00] By the way, you can't find any I am number four porn on the Flophouse website in case you were looking for it.

[30:08] Don't tell them that.

[30:08] not going to come to the website yeah we're working on it elliot's providing the words

[30:14] i'm providing the pictures dan's providing the soul yeah of course we say to dan what do you

[30:20] like and we know it's going to be totally crazy and gross it's always the quiet ones so the tucker

[30:27] bunch yeah i mean like i think so al roker a movie that's filled with cover songs of you know

[30:37] things that songs that used to be good or the songs are still good it's just the covers are bad

[30:42] but like this is a movie that's kind of like the cover song of a movie like it's just a mash-up of

[30:46] things that he liked when he like ran around comic-con on a sugar high yeah well it's his it's

[30:52] his kill bill where where quentin tarantino made kill bill and kind of put together all the things

[30:57] he liked into a new hole and kind of infused his spirit into them zach snyder kind of just like

[31:02] shoved a whole bunch of things in a bag and then shook the bag up and then threw it in the river

[31:06] And the river took it to a trash dump

[31:09] And then they shot that on film

[31:11] So what's the next step for him now?

[31:15] Is he going to make

[31:16] Like a Punch Drunk Love type of movie?

[31:18] Sucker Punch Drunk Love, yeah

[31:20] I think you're right though

[31:22] He has to step back, right?

[31:23] I don't know, he could keep going

[31:25] He's gone so far up his own ass

[31:27] He'll make Wes Anderson style bullshit movies

[31:30] At this point

[31:31] Like a movie about a director named Zack Snyder

[31:33] Making a crazy movie

[31:35] Eh, they call it Cider Punch.

[31:37] So he's just going to keep the punch element to all his movies.

[31:41] Oh, yeah, Sucker Punch and Judy.

[31:43] Sure.

[31:44] He's going to do that Hawaiian Punch movie they've been talking about for a while.

[31:50] He's going to do a second adaptation of Elmer Leonard's Rum Punch.

[31:55] It's going to be a whole thing.

[31:57] He's going to do a movie called Punch Card, just about punch cards.

[32:01] So when do we get to say what we think about the movie?

[32:05] When do we get to give our final judgment?

[32:07] Let's do that now because I think that you're chafing at the bit.

[32:09] Let's do our final punchments.

[32:11] Was this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

[32:15] Stuart, this was not a movie I kind of liked, nor was it a good bad movie.

[32:21] Thanks for eliminating those possibilities.

[32:22] Thus, it would only be a bad bad movie.

[32:25] By logic.

[32:26] This was a movie that the three of us were like.

[32:28] It's like he's a detective and he's gathered us in a room.

[32:31] One more thing.

[32:32] I didn't like this movie.

[32:33] What were you saying, Stuart?

[32:35] Well, we were looking at the potential movies we could have watched.

[32:38] And I think the three of us were all like, I'd rather watch Sucker Punch or those things.

[32:44] And then about ten minutes into the movie, we were like, maybe we can go back and watch one of those movies.

[32:49] Maybe we should have picked Country Strong after all.

[32:51] Yeah.

[32:52] I was going for Red Riding Hood.

[32:54] It's a movie where we were watching the movie and then Stuart said, hey, look at that cat.

[33:00] And we saw Dan's cat was just lying on the kitchen floor, and I, for about three minutes, just watched the cat.

[33:05] And, like, my enjoyment, if I had had one of those dials where you choose like or dislike, I would have turned it way to like.

[33:11] And then back to dislike when my eyes went to the movie again.

[33:14] Yeah, no, I agree.

[33:15] It's a bad movie.

[33:17] So you have a choice between this and a cat.

[33:18] A cat which Elliot is allergic to.

[33:21] I don't like cats, but I prefer watching a cat lying down, not doing anything, to sucker punch.

[33:27] To a guy with a mustache talking very closely to scantily clad women.

[33:31] As I said during the movie, this is not the most boring movie we've watched, but it is the stupidest movie we've watched.

[33:38] Yeah.

[33:38] It may be the stupidest movie I've ever seen.

[33:40] So blurb that, Zack Snyder.

[33:43] The stupidest movie.

[33:45] And I also call it a bad, bad movie.

[33:49] Stupid.

[33:51] Rock stupid.

[33:52] Very stupid.

[33:53] It's rare that you see a movie and you're like, someone wrote this.

[33:57] Like, and then someone else read that and said, okay, we'll make this.

[34:02] And then like a hundred other people spent time working on it.

[34:05] Like, yeah, I mean, this is like, it's not a poorly made movie.

[34:08] Like that's the thing.

[34:09] I mean, it's not a, the production values are high.

[34:11] You know, I've known a girl or two in my life and I'm going to tell you not a single girl

[34:16] that I've, yeah, not a single girl that I've known has in her fantasy worlds.

[34:21] It's all fucking steampunk zombies and samurai swords.

[34:24] Yeah.

[34:24] I mean, most girls couldn't give a shit about that stuff.

[34:27] Well I've been going about this romance thing

[34:31] All wrong

[34:31] I brought you a gift

[34:36] It's a Sailor Moon costume

[34:37] And a Samurai sword

[34:40] You just put this on and pretend I'm a big

[34:42] Pagoda head

[34:44] You know sort of samurai zombie

[34:46] Here are your thigh high stockings

[34:48] And your World War II bomber helmets

[34:49] I issue these to all of my

[34:53] Love interests

[34:54] All of my lovers

[34:55] And yeah

[34:58] When you said I've known a girl or two

[35:00] It sounded like it was the intro to

[35:01] Stewart's stories

[35:02] And you're going to tell another tale of a woman loved and lost

[35:06] The Red Shoe Stewart's

[35:09] The Red Stew Diaries

[35:10] That's better Danny

[35:11] He gets the point for that one

[35:13] So it's zero one

[35:15] I think we can

[35:17] We share credit on that

[35:18] Point Elliot, zero two

[35:21] You're digging the hole

[35:23] I don't understand

[35:25] why i keep losing points in this situation another point for that negative one to two

[35:29] so um i got some letters here letters from listeners hey you like this part elliot this

[35:38] is my favorite part of the show letters from readers letters from readers what do they say

[35:44] and what do we say in return letters from leaders letters from greeters cheddars from beaters

[35:51] Chad from Wichita says, I really hated when Elliot mixed up songs.

[35:55] But Belinda from Wisconsin says, more songs, please.

[36:00] All right, well, now that you're done with me.

[36:03] Francois from Paris says, oh, oh, appre-vous, more songs.

[36:07] Enough made-up letters.

[36:12] But Seamus from Dublin says, I am ambivalent about the songs.

[36:15] 50-50.

[36:19] I guess I'll decide it on a case-by-case basis.

[36:23] Do an accent, Dan.

[36:26] No, just read the letter.

[36:28] In an accent.

[36:30] This is called...

[36:32] Michael Caine.

[36:32] In American accent.

[36:33] Michael Caine.

[36:34] People, this email is...

[36:38] Do Bob Caine.

[36:39] Creator of Batman.

[36:41] People that sound like other people is the name of this email.

[36:45] People that sound like other people?

[36:47] I can't understand you, Michael Caine.

[36:49] It's from Jeremiah, last name with health.

[36:52] He says, I started listening about the same time the AV Club review came out, but not via the AV Club.

[36:58] Oh, yes.

[36:59] So he's an original.

[37:00] He wants to make sure that he.

[37:03] Are you making fun of him?

[37:04] No, he's just saying that he was into it before it got popular.

[37:06] Look, it's a classic hipster move.

[37:08] Yeah.

[37:08] He's an OF, original flopper.

[37:10] But he says.

[37:12] A fan's a fan is what I say.

[37:13] Yeah.

[37:13] And a man's a man.

[37:15] And a can's a can.

[37:17] I say that at dinner, in the bathroom.

[37:19] You do say that a lot.

[37:20] I do.

[37:20] A fan is a fan.

[37:21] If you had a Marvel Comics card and there was a quote on the back, it would say,

[37:26] A fan's a fan, Stuart Wellington.

[37:27] Enough said.

[37:28] Stu Comics, number 157.

[37:30] But he says, I assume that you'll be getting more letters to sort through from now on,

[37:35] most of them offering Elliot lucrative contracts with major labels.

[37:38] I think he could be the next Rebecca Black.

[37:40] Yeah.

[37:41] Wait, what?

[37:42] I started downloading your podcast directly to my iPhone and had no idea what any of you

[37:46] look like. I cast Mo Rocca

[37:49] as Elliot, Jason Siegel as Dan,

[37:51] and Seth Rogen as the equally funny

[37:52] steward. Seth Rogen's really close.

[37:54] Since these soundalikes are so perfect,

[37:56] I assume you've been told this before.

[37:58] I don't like sounding like Mo Rocca.

[38:00] I was also wondering if

[38:02] you guys could attach a Google Voice account to your

[38:04] email so listeners could, quote, call in

[38:06] and allow you to play their messages on their show.

[38:08] That's not a bad idea. That is a good idea.

[38:10] I will look into the science of that.

[38:13] Technology, guys.

[38:15] I've never heard of Google Voice. What is that?

[38:16] like a voicemail for Google, I guess it's all in the name.

[38:19] I mean, as for the sound-alikes, you know, Elliot is less hunchbacked than Mo Rocca,

[38:25] and Stuart and I are more svelte than Jason Segel and Seth Rogen.

[38:33] Although my similarity to Seth Rogen has, I hooked up with a girl one time

[38:39] who described me as a cuter version of that guy in Knocked Up.

[38:42] So thank you, Seth Rogen.

[38:46] Similarly, I need to get you on to this next email, which –

[38:49] Are you sure she didn't mean one of his weirdo friends that live in the house?

[38:52] Jonah Hill.

[38:53] She meant Jonah Hill.

[38:54] Probably Jonah Hill.

[38:55] Yeah.

[38:55] I mean I think I'm cuter than Jonah Hill.

[38:57] He's got that –

[38:58] He's very cuddly.

[38:59] He's got that arm.

[39:00] But the next –

[39:02] That burned arm.

[39:02] I don't know about that.

[39:03] The next email is on a similar vein and it says, Stuart Wellington, it's weird that his name sounds so regal, so fancy.

[39:11] Stuart Wellington, you practically expect an Esquire or the third tacked on to the end,

[39:16] and yet he sounds just like Seth Rogen.

[39:19] It throws me off.

[39:21] I feel like his name should be Dan, Elliot's name should be Stuart, and Dan can stay Dan.

[39:26] Thank you.

[39:27] I'm glad that I sound so regal.

[39:28] Keep up the good work, guys.

[39:29] I suggest starting a huge battle with how did this get made.

[39:32] Well, I don't.

[39:33] What name did they suggest for Stuart?

[39:35] Elliot.

[39:35] Like Ralph?

[39:36] He said that his name should be Dan.

[39:40] Sluggo.

[39:40] Wait, Dan can stay Dan, but Stuart is Dan, too?

[39:44] There's two Dans.

[39:45] You and me, Daniel.

[39:46] How about that?

[39:47] And I'll be Danny.

[39:48] I'm just like a little kid goofing off, hanging out.

[39:51] Yeah, that's fine.

[39:52] A little Danny.

[39:54] Because if you were Danny McCoy, you'd be that awesome character from Las Vegas.

[39:57] The TV show, not the city.

[40:01] Oh.

[40:01] Okay.

[40:03] You got it?

[40:05] Yeah, I think I got it.

[40:06] You're up to speed?

[40:07] Wait, what?

[40:07] Just a bit?

[40:08] No, you're doing a bit

[40:11] I turned into Stuart, oh no

[40:13] It's one of those switch-em-ups like you're Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman

[40:16] I don't know what you're talking about

[40:18] Wow

[40:18] Is that that movie where Jason Bateman has two babies

[40:21] And Ryan Reynolds gives birth to two grown women

[40:24] Yeah

[40:24] And he grabs them by the butt

[40:26] Elliot and I were talking about the poster to this on the subway

[40:29] What's it called, the switch-em-up?

[40:31] It's the switch, isn't it?

[40:32] Isn't Switch the movie where Jimmy Smits comes back as a lady?

[40:36] No, a lady –

[40:37] And then Ellen Barkin and Jimmy –

[40:38] Ellen Barkin is a lady and Jimmy Smits is the guy.

[40:41] Yeah.

[40:41] But she's not Jimmy Smits.

[40:43] No, no.

[40:43] He just – she just – a sexist guy died and came back as female Ellen Barkin.

[40:48] As Ellen Barkin.

[40:49] Yeah.

[40:49] As opposed to male Ellen Barkin.

[40:50] As opposed to –

[40:53] Male Ellen Barkin did not have a good career.

[40:55] As opposed to Elmo Barkin.

[40:56] No, but – yeah, no.

[40:59] Elliot and I were talking about how creepy the poster for the whatever –

[41:04] The change switch.

[41:05] The change-em-ups is because it makes a direct correlation between two babies and two hot ladies in their underwear.

[41:13] And it kind of creeps us out a little bit.

[41:15] Yeah, it's infantilizing them much the way Sucker Punch does while still sexualizing them.

[41:20] It's kind of like Betty Boop, the sexy baby.

[41:23] So, Ethan, last name with L, I hope that answers your question.

[41:27] What was the question?

[41:28] There was no question.

[41:29] Okay, what was the last thing they said?

[41:31] They wanted us to start a huge battle of how did this get made.

[41:35] Which I think we could do if How Did This Get Made was aware that we existed.

[41:39] I mean, it's kind of balanced.

[41:41] I mean, is it like a wrestling match?

[41:42] Because, I mean, we might win.

[41:44] What do those guys look like?

[41:45] Are they really tough?

[41:46] I imagine weedy and kind of weak.

[41:47] I mean, I think we're equally physically matched with those guys.

[41:51] I mean, they do know I was an Olympic wrestler, right?

[41:53] Right, yeah.

[41:55] In a dream I had.

[41:55] That's true.

[41:56] I mean, I'm not—

[41:57] You did come up with the famous move, the Liberator.

[41:59] Oh, yeah.

[42:00] Well, that's not allowed in the language.

[42:01] We're not allowed to talk about the Liberator.

[42:02] Liberator only—you know it when you see it.

[42:04] Yeah.

[42:05] But the – I have actually never listened to their podcast.

[42:09] I don't know what it's like.

[42:10] I listened to it once and I'm not saying I didn't care for it that much.

[42:14] I just – I got a real job and I have less time for podcasts all of a sudden.

[42:19] That's my problem.

[42:20] Sure.

[42:20] I don't even know what we're talking about.

[42:22] Let's go on.

[42:23] But I say there's enough room in the podcast-averse for two bad movie podcasts.

[42:29] Let's let the market decide.

[42:30] Or in fact several bad movie podcasts.

[42:31] Because there are a lot of them.

[42:34] This email is called Thanks and Two Requests.

[42:38] It says, I found your podcast through the AV Club, and you guys have quickly become my favorite podcast.

[42:45] I appreciate the honesty.

[42:46] Oh, that's nice.

[42:46] Favorite, wow.

[42:47] Thank you.

[42:48] Two requests.

[42:48] Number one, can you guys not be so beholden to keeping individual show lengths to under an hour?

[42:54] Although it doesn't happen often, the time limit allows for an organic and satisfactory end.

[42:59] There are a few times when discussion with the Flops has been cut short or recommendations abandoned in order to, quote, be on time.

[43:06] If there's a technical or personal reason for the time limit, I would more than understand.

[43:10] But I feel like getting rid of the time limit would allow for more opportunities for what your listeners love, including, in no particular order, more appearances by the Flophouse house cat.

[43:20] More Mournful Sighs registered trademark.

[43:27] More opportunities for hacky screenplay pitches.

[43:29] More lists of things...

[43:31] Hacky?

[43:31] Holy shit.

[43:32] More lists of things vaguely related to some rambling tangent.

[43:36] More words that sound like other words.

[43:38] Oh, dearest to my heart.

[43:39] Well, to answer that, first up, there was a technical reason originally.

[43:44] The older version of GarageBand tended to conk out after an hour.

[43:49] Now it's probably more that we're just tired after an hour.

[43:53] Well, I'm just amazed that someone is asking to hear more of us jabbering on.

[43:56] Yeah, I've heard it more frequently less.

[43:58] Our friend Brad, in particular, Stuart, is very keen on...

[44:03] Friend Brad, last name withheld.

[44:04] Yeah, he would like us to cut the show to about half its length.

[44:08] He's grouchy and old, though.

[44:10] That's true.

[44:11] He sounds like a young, vibrant listener that we have.

[44:13] Yeah, someone we can count on to stay with us through all our many changes.

[44:16] I'm just saying that there are a plethora of different responses that people have.

[44:20] Let's teach the controversy.

[44:21] Often it's a matter of time for us, too, because we do this after work and it's late.

[44:26] And we're sweating because we turned the air conditioner off because we didn't want the constant hum in the background.

[44:32] And we're wrestling.

[44:33] And there's an old show.

[44:34] We're wrestling.

[44:35] Hang on.

[44:36] And we're wearing parkas and whale blubber.

[44:40] There's an old show.

[44:41] We're eating pemmican.

[44:41] And it's just wasabi.

[44:45] And I started to get sleepy after about five beers.

[44:48] There's an old showbiz saying, always leave them wanting more.

[44:51] So that's the answer.

[44:54] Oh, so you like tease them a little bit.

[44:55] I mean, not tease them.

[44:57] You give them, you know, just the tip.

[45:00] Yeah, sure.

[45:01] Let's go on to the second request, which I assume is Lady in Red.

[45:05] Lady in Red.

[45:07] It's actually Careless Whisper.

[45:08] Dancing.

[45:09] Oh, Careless Whisper.

[45:11] I don't know that song.

[45:13] So this is the third voice sound related email of the evening.

[45:22] Why are you looking at me?

[45:23] Because you've got a voice.

[45:23] Why are you creeping me out?

[45:24] Maybe it's because I listen mostly through the two times function.

[45:28] But Stuart's voice began to sound increasingly like that of the character of Krieger from the show Archer.

[45:33] It might be the dulcet and sonorous tones or the fascination and obsession with hilarious non sequiturs and willingness to voice opinions from deep within the human id.

[45:42] I'm thinking specifically of his desire to finger-bang Zooey Deschanel.

[45:46] Sure.

[45:46] Or really, any time he's talked about porn from Soft X to Triple X.

[45:52] That's the guy with the...

[45:55] The scientist.

[45:55] Yeah, the electronic girlfriend.

[45:57] Yeah, yeah.

[45:57] I actually can see it.

[45:58] I can hear that.

[45:59] Okay.

[45:59] And you have an electronic girlfriend.

[46:01] Yeah, of course.

[46:02] She's pneumatic.

[46:04] Yeah.

[46:05] But it became hard...

[46:06] It's the Svedka robot.

[46:07] Hard to distinguish his sound from that of the cartoon character.

[46:12] I therefore request that he either stop talking about such topics or that he only talk about such topics.

[46:18] His choice.

[46:18] Thanks in advance.

[46:19] So many rules.

[46:20] First name withheld, Siegel.

[46:22] Really?

[46:23] He was withholding the first name.

[46:24] Oh.

[46:25] He's very withholding.

[46:26] I bet it was Jason Siegel of the Muppet movie.

[46:27] The trick to be remembered is to give him something strange.

[46:33] Make it different, like Sucker Punch.

[46:35] Yeah, it's like the game, like how to hook up with a chick.

[46:39] So you've got to trick him.

[46:40] I thought you meant the movie The Game with Michael Douglas.

[46:42] Well, yeah, and now you've got to trick him, too.

[46:44] Here's a big trick.

[46:45] Spoiler alert.

[46:46] There's Sean Penn's in it.

[46:48] That's not really a spoiler.

[46:50] I think he's in the first scene.

[46:52] Yeah, he's got a mustache, though.

[46:53] Does he?

[46:54] I don't think so.

[46:55] You might be thinking of the assassination of Richard Nixon.

[46:58] That's a movie?

[47:01] Yeah, with Sean Penn.

[47:02] I don't want to watch that.

[47:03] So I guess what you're saying, Stuart, is you're just going to keep talking about sex stuff.

[47:09] Yeah, probably.

[47:11] Stop trying to tie me down, guy.

[47:13] Yeah, Stuart's got to fly free.

[47:15] Yeah, he's like the wind, baby.

[47:16] I'm a bird, man.

[47:17] A big Coors Light-drinking bird.

[47:21] Probably an eagle in that case.

[47:24] He's going to fly like an eagle.

[47:26] This last email of the evening is titled Animal Wrangling.

[47:32] And it says, I was so happy to hear Stuart was able to pull himself up by his bootstraps

[47:40] and land a job at the Daily Show as an esteemed animal wrangler.

[47:43] Oh, I forgot that bit.

[47:45] I mean, real bad.

[47:45] However, that joy soon turned into dread when I recalled a July 2008 Daily Show segment

[47:52] featuring the talented Kristen Schaal and previous animal wrangler

[47:56] carrying in a cougar and placing her on John's lap.

[47:59] That segment provided the evidence I long suspected.

[48:01] The backstage of the Daily Show is waist-deep in cougars.

[48:04] Of course, cougars' constant need for attention in lustful ways

[48:08] would be too much for a single animal wrangler.

[48:10] So my question for Stuart is,

[48:12] where do you fall in the hierarchy of the Daily Show animal wrangling department?

[48:15] I'm an apprentice animal wrangler.

[48:18] I am not allowed to handle the cougars yet.

[48:21] That's why I stick with the scorpions, as I previously said.

[48:24] I can remember that much.

[48:25] It's a very carapace-based...

[48:26] But knowing you, you probably handle the boogers.

[48:28] Up top, Dan.

[48:29] You got him.

[48:31] Zing.

[48:31] I can't.

[48:32] High-five me.

[48:33] No, I can't.

[48:34] I can't do it.

[48:35] Okay.

[48:36] Is my jaw on the line?

[48:37] Yes.

[48:38] Okay.

[48:38] Yeah, you heard it, folks.

[48:40] So, boogers.

[48:41] Boogers.

[48:42] What were we talking about?

[48:43] Your job.

[48:44] Your made-up job at The Daily Show.

[48:46] Made-up job.

[48:47] Okay, you've got to be a dick about it.

[48:48] I'm trying to seem cool to our listeners, man.

[48:51] They already think you're cool.

[48:53] They think you're Seth Rogen.

[48:54] You guys have really nice.

[48:55] You're super cool.

[48:56] Green Hornet.

[48:57] I can see it on my phone now.

[49:00] The amount of space you get in these letters.

[49:03] It's shocking.

[49:05] Both of us.

[49:05] Yeah, come on.

[49:06] You're the king of the letters.

[49:07] What they're doing is, I think our listeners are like, they think I'm the low man on the totem pole because I don't have an awesome comedy job.

[49:15] Obviously, Dan is the low man on the totem pole.

[49:17] Yeah.

[49:17] Well, I mean.

[49:18] I can all agree on that.

[49:18] I mean, Cyclops is the leader, though, you know?

[49:22] Leonardo, he's got katana swords.

[49:24] In terms of popularity, though.

[49:26] Yeah.

[49:26] Popularity.

[49:27] I mean, if I was going to get a Ninja Turtle tattoo.

[49:29] You can't even pronounce it right.

[49:30] That's how unpopular it is.

[49:31] If I was going to get a Ninja Turtle tattoo.

[49:34] It's not going to be Leonardo.

[49:35] Like if I was going to get their sash that's over their eyes, is that what the ninja calls

[49:39] the thing over their eyes?

[49:40] I think you'd call it like a bandana.

[49:42] Yeah.

[49:42] I'm not going to get a tattoo of Leonardo's color bandana.

[49:46] I'd probably get Raphael.

[49:47] If I was going to get a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle tattoo, it would be Raphael, Michelangelo,

[49:53] Donatello, and then Raphael again.

[49:55] Wow.

[49:56] So they clone Raphael.

[49:58] I don't know what happens.

[49:59] I just know I'm happier with it than Leonardo.

[50:01] I'd probably get Bebop and Rocksteady, but then I'm kind of an outlaw.

[50:04] Oh yeah, enough said.

[50:05] Yeah, Baxter Stockman.

[50:07] Well, that'd be you.

[50:08] You'd be Baxter Stockman.

[50:09] Before or after he becomes a fly?

[50:11] Before.

[50:12] April O'Neil in a bikini, maybe?

[50:14] Well, no, maybe you'd get the...

[50:15] Dan, it's a cartoon character.

[50:16] You're saying, Stuart?

[50:18] Well, would you touch April's boobs as Penny Metadinosaur, a guy, asked?

[50:23] Did he also ask that?

[50:25] Yeah, he also asked.

[50:25] Would you touch April's boobs?

[50:26] Yeah, he's like, wait, attach them?

[50:28] You don't remember that?

[50:28] That was the other thing that one of our letter writers discovered, the same guy who asked

[50:34] if Penny Metadinosaur...

[50:34] Are you referencing that somebody on the internet asked a question about whether or not you would be – a person would want to touch April O'Neil, the character from –

[50:42] Yes, the cartoon and comic character.

[50:44] She's a reporter, I guess.

[50:47] She's a reporter.

[50:48] She's a newswoman.

[50:48] Whether or not a person would want to touch a cartoon character's boobs.

[50:52] Yeah.

[50:53] Okay.

[50:53] I am referencing that.

[50:54] What would your answer be, Stuart?

[50:55] Yes, of course.

[50:56] That's what I figured.

[50:58] So now that we've settled that, we should move on to our final segment of the show, which is recommendations –

[51:03] Final segment.

[51:04] That we would actually recommend that people watch rather than, say, Sucker Punch.

[51:10] I would recommend any movie rather than Sucker Punch.

[51:14] Go to the video store, close your eyes, pick up a videotape box, open your eyes.

[51:18] If it's Sucker Punch, put it down.

[51:19] Otherwise, watch it.

[51:20] What if it's Nothing But Trouble?

[51:24] Oh, that's a tough one.

[51:25] Oh, my God, that's tough.

[51:26] That's one of those eat a booger sandwich or poop in public type of questions.

[51:30] That's a hard one to answer.

[51:33] Nothing but trouble.

[51:34] It's a bad movie.

[51:35] Anyhoo, should I recommend a movie?

[51:37] Yes.

[51:39] Unless you want to get into this pooping scenario.

[51:42] No, I don't think so.

[51:43] I'll recommend a 40s noir called Deadline at Dawn.

[51:48] It's a strange little film noir that doesn't totally make sense, but it's a lot of fun, about a sailor on leave who is – it looks like he's committed a murder.

[51:59] And he picks up a taxi-dancing girl and basically she tries to help him to figure out who the real murderer was.

[52:07] But there are a lot of crazy, like, funny side characters that are introduced, and the screenplay, at least at one stage, was written by Clifford Odex, the playwright.

[52:17] And there's a lot of really good snappy dialogue and just kind of funny lines and things like that, and it's a lot of fun.

[52:24] It doesn't make any sense, but it's a good, fun movie.

[52:26] I watched Tangled.

[52:29] So that's Deadline at Dawn.

[52:30] I watched Tangled recently, a movie that your sister-in-law's boyfriend actually worked on.

[52:38] Yes.

[52:38] A nice gentleman who got me free tickets to Disneyland.

[52:42] He is a very nice guy.

[52:43] Don't abuse that privilege.

[52:45] Thanks to you.

[52:45] Thanks to him.

[52:47] Thanks to him.

[52:48] But you wouldn't know him without me, so really thanks to me.

[52:50] Thanks to both of you.

[52:50] But I also enjoyed it.

[52:52] Is he going to get in trouble for being talking about this?

[52:54] Thanks for the memories.

[52:54] Probably not.

[52:55] No one knows this podcast exists.

[52:57] I don't think Michael Eisner is sitting at home waiting for the next episode of The Flophouse to come out.

[53:01] Well, no, but I'm also talking about how much I like Tangled.

[53:04] Okay, so keep going.

[53:06] Tango?

[53:06] Yeah, Tango Cash.

[53:08] That's what I was going to recommend.

[53:11] I'll have to think of something else now.

[53:12] No, I liked Tangled.

[53:14] It was a – this was Disney Studios Computer Animation Division, a film that came out after Pixar had taken over Disney at large.

[53:29] And I don't know whether it's good in part because, you know, Andrew Stanton or is it John Lasseter, sorry, of Pixar like kind of came in and reconceptualized it or it's just the natural like creative upswing after creative lag.

[53:46] But it was a really nice sort of combination of old style Disney like princess films and sort of like a newer like Pixar aesthetic that I really enjoyed.

[53:58] And it's got some really good voice work

[54:01] I was surprised at how good Mandy Moore was as Rapunzel

[54:05] And Zachary Levi was very funny as the male lead

[54:08] Who's Zachary Levi?

[54:09] People might know him from TV's Chuck

[54:12] You probably would not, but other people would

[54:14] I don't like that show

[54:15] Yeah, but he was funny in this

[54:17] That's a show

[54:18] Yeah, it's a show about a spy

[54:21] A spy nerd

[54:23] A nerd spy

[54:24] He's not really a nerd, though

[54:26] yeah he's like a spy

[54:28] he's a handsome guy

[54:29] he's handsome

[54:30] and there's nothing

[54:30] really nerdy about him

[54:31] I mean his hair's messy

[54:32] so this is a show

[54:33] about a handsome spy

[54:34] there's an episode

[54:35] what turned me off

[54:36] of Chuck

[54:36] a spy

[54:37] but here's the twist

[54:38] he's a handsome guy

[54:39] we'll call it

[54:42] the handsome spy

[54:43] the spy who was handsome

[54:45] what turned me off

[54:47] about Chuck

[54:48] when I watched

[54:48] an episode of it

[54:49] was partly that

[54:50] I didn't like it

[54:50] but also that

[54:51] sure you didn't laugh

[54:52] or smile

[54:52] I didn't enjoy it

[54:53] but there's also

[54:54] it's a movie where

[54:55] people are constantly

[54:56] saying secret spy stuff wait it's a movie it's a tv show okay people are constantly saying secret

[55:00] spy stuff right in front of other people who aren't supposed to know what they're talking about

[55:04] so like chuck and his spy handler are talking in a public fast food restaurant with families

[55:09] eating dinner all around them about spy stuff and there's a part where a guy who's supposed to be an

[55:15] ally of chuck but has really got sinister connections he's at he's around all these

[55:19] other spy people and he just turns away from them and gets on the phone and goes don't worry

[55:23] Everything's going according to plan

[55:24] It's like they're standing like a foot away from you

[55:26] Like going to another room

[55:28] So

[55:30] I should watch Chuck?

[55:32] You should watch Tangled

[55:33] And Stuart, what were you going to recommend?

[55:36] Tangled or Crash?

[55:38] Sagination Tango is what I recommend

[55:39] I'm going to

[55:41] I'm going to change it up a little here guys

[55:44] Which of the two movies?

[55:46] I'm not going to recommend Invisible Maniac

[55:48] Or The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure

[55:50] I am going to recommend

[55:52] And Dan just recommended an animated movie.

[55:54] I'll do the same.

[55:55] Castle Freak, the animated movie.

[55:57] The animated series.

[55:59] First season.

[56:00] Really?

[56:01] The Rankin-Bass show?

[56:04] Okay, guys, enough joke-em-ups.

[56:05] I'm going to recommend The Castle of Cagliostro.

[56:10] Hayao Miyazaki, one of his early movies.

[56:12] I think pre-Studio Ghibli.

[56:16] There's a whole bunch of anime nerds on the internet.

[56:18] So I'm sorry if I get this wrong.

[56:20] No, there's a ton of them.

[56:21] I don't think you're right about that, Stuart.

[56:23] I think you've got that wrong.

[56:24] But, yeah, I mean, it's a movie that is a lot of fun.

[56:29] There's a lot better action than the movie we watched today.

[56:32] It moves along at a good clip.

[56:34] And it's, I don't know, for a movie about characters that there's a million other movies and comics and stuff for, Lupin the Master Thief.

[56:44] Lupin the Third.

[56:45] Yeah.

[56:46] It still manages to be very fresh and fun, and it's awesome.

[56:51] So, Castle of Cagliostro.

[56:53] So, the Cabin of Dr. Caligari is what Stuart recommended.

[56:57] Cabin of Dr. Caligari, Tango and Cash, and I don't know, something.

[57:02] Deadline of Dawn, and Dead Again.

[57:06] Yep.

[57:07] A movie that hypnotized everybody in the late 80s into thinking it was good.

[57:11] So, we finally did it.

[57:14] We finally watched Sucker Punch.

[57:15] How do you feel?

[57:16] Well, I'm erect.

[57:20] But do you feel like you came out on the other side stronger?

[57:22] Yeah, obviously.

[57:24] Weaker, much weaker.

[57:25] I feel like anything could kill me now.

[57:27] Chicken pox, a tiny cat, maybe a leaf blowing in the wind.

[57:30] It makes me feel like all the things that I've sketched in my notebook can come to life at any minute.

[57:35] But all the tools.

[57:36] We have all the tools.

[57:37] In ourselves.

[57:38] In ourselves.

[57:39] Now fight for them.

[57:40] But I do feel like I could go and look in my old notebooks from high school and be like, yeah, I'll make this into a movie.

[57:46] Oh, this kind of dinosaur man who's fighting a robot?

[57:47] Yeah, done.

[57:48] Movie.

[57:49] But that dinosaur's got its brain in like a glass jar on top of its head,

[57:53] like a weird exposed brain, and it shoots out lighting bolts.

[57:56] Have you been looking through my notebooks?

[57:57] Well, we'll keep looking through Elliot's notebooks for more movie ideas,

[58:02] but for now, I've been Dan McCoy.

[58:04] I thought that letter writer said we shouldn't wrap it up so quick.

[58:07] Guys, guys, we're wrapping it up.

[58:09] Okay, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[58:10] I'm Elliot Kalin, wrapping it up under protest.

[58:13] Good night, everyone.

[58:16] Are you downloading something?

[58:18] You doing some Johnny Mnemonic over here?

[58:20] Some Johnny Mnemonic.

[58:23] Doing the technical things that actually allow us to do the show.

[58:26] Why is it red over there?

[58:27] Is red good or bad?

[58:28] To make the smuckers punch?

[58:29] Sucker punches.

[58:32] Sucker punches.

[58:33] Sucker punch you in sucker nards.

[58:35] Wolfman has sucker nards.

[58:38] Sucker Wolfman has sucker nards.

The Flop House: Episode #84 - Sucker Punch

Transcript

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