The Flop House: Episode #86 - The Happiest Millionaire

Dan McCoy

[0:00] Following delays planned and unplanned, we're back with our Flophouse Honors the Troops episode, where we discuss The Happiest Millionaire.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome back to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:39] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:40] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] We're back, coming at you from Hurricane Alley.

[0:44] Back again.

Stuart Wellington

[0:45] Mm-hmm.

[0:46] Wait, did you just come up with that, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[0:47] Yep. That's all me.

[0:50] Okay.

[0:50] No one has ever said a natural disaster and then put the word Alley behind it before.

Elliott Kalan

[0:55] Nope, never. Kate and, and then put the word Alley after it.

[0:58] Sure, certainly.

Dan McCoy

[0:59] It's a hit television show of many years, but never Hurricane Alley.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] And Crime Alley, that exists.

Dan McCoy

[1:08] Enough shilly-shallying and dilly-dallying, guys.

[1:12] Yeah, we had some technical difficulties.

[1:14] Yeah.

[1:15] Yeah.

[1:15] I purchased some new cords.

[1:17] And they look great on you.

[1:18] Uh-huh.

[1:19] I put on my new corduroy pants and then I purchased some new wires for the podcast.

[1:26] Okay.

[1:27] And, uh...

[1:28] Wait, why?

[1:29] Because we were getting hacked.

[1:31] Uh, not hacked, but, uh...

[1:32] It was like a pirate radio station, say.

[1:35] Was it a pirate radio station?

[1:36] No, I don't think so.

[1:36] I think it was just a radio radio station.

[1:37] I think it was a radio radio station.

[1:38] Yeah.

[1:39] A radio radio station.

[1:40] A law-abiding radio station.

[1:41] It was radio radio, as Elvis Costello would say.

Elliott Kalan

[1:44] It was the radio station that only plays the soundtrack from the movie Radio.

[1:47] Starring Cuba Gooding Jr.

Dan McCoy

[1:49] Yep.

[1:50] Um, but...

[1:51] Radio Flyer?

Elliott Kalan

[1:52] Yeah, yeah.

[1:53] Radio Flyer.

[1:54] Uh-huh.

[1:54] Can we get a new guy to play Stuart?

Dan McCoy

[1:57] I don't know.

[1:58] Stuart works for, uh, pancakes.

[2:00] So...

[2:00] Pancakes?

[2:02] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[2:03] Cakes made in the shape of pants.

[2:05] So, I am on the fire today.

[2:08] Um...

[2:09] So, yeah.

[2:10] So, we were trying to do a show last time.

[2:12] We...

[2:13] We watched Beastly.

[2:13] We were all psyched about Beastly.

[2:14] You loved it, Elliot, right?

Elliott Kalan

[2:15] I thought it was one of the top ten movies of the never.

[2:19] Okay.

[2:20] So...

[2:20] It was never good in any way.

Stuart Wellington

[2:22] Yeah.

[2:23] Um...

[2:23] But...

[2:24] So, we watched that, but then it all fucked up, right?

Dan McCoy

[2:27] Well, halfway through, Stuart, who usually pays no attention to such things...

Stuart Wellington

[2:30] I thought it was Elliot.

[2:31] No, it was me.

Dan McCoy

[2:31] Oh, okay.

[2:32] It was him.

[2:32] All right.

[2:33] Sorry.

[2:33] Stuart can do it.

Stuart Wellington

[2:34] Yeah, who doesn't pay attention?

[2:35] I'm not going to pay attention to stuff, Dan.

[2:36] Come on.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] Joke's on you.

[2:37] We sound completely different.

[2:38] Elliot noticed that the levels were going all over the place.

[2:42] Yeah.

[2:42] They were all up in there.

[2:43] Mm-hmm.

[2:44] And, uh...

[2:45] So, we turned it off...

Elliott Kalan

[2:46] Well, the levels were really high, even though we weren't saying anything.

[2:49] Like, during pauses, the levels would be really high.

Stuart Wellington

[2:51] Which I know you're thinking, you guys watch Beastly.

[2:54] You probably couldn't stop talking.

[2:56] But, no.

[2:57] There were a lot of pauses.

Elliott Kalan

[2:58] Surprisingly enough.

[2:59] And not just the kind of pause you'd find on a beast.

Dan McCoy

[3:02] Yeah.

[3:04] And, uh...

[3:04] Yeah.

[3:04] Audistry.

[3:06] Apparently, some of the shielding in the mic cables, uh...

[3:10] Was stripped or something.

[3:12] You don't need to bore me with the technical details there, Professor.

[3:16] Well, it's how...

[3:18] Like, remember how...

[3:18] Let's go to the joke.

[3:19] Remember, Stuart, how your braces used to pick up radio signals?

[3:23] My braces?

Elliott Kalan

[3:24] Yeah.

[3:25] Yeah.

[3:25] You being a racist, you used to listen to that white power radio signal.

[3:28] Oh, my braces.

[3:29] Yeah.

[3:30] Okay.

[3:30] Panzer radio.

[3:31] Sure.

[3:32] It's like that.

[3:33] I had braces for years, and they never picked up radio signals.

[3:36] Maybe I'm thinking of a kill again.

[3:37] I think you're thinking of something that never happened.

Dan McCoy

[3:41] But we're back, baby.

[3:42] Yeah.

[3:43] And badder than ever.

Elliott Kalan

[3:44] Yeah.

[3:45] And this time it's personal.

Dan McCoy

[3:49] And this time we have the window open.

[3:52] So you may hear...

Elliott Kalan

[3:53] We're going to go to that motorcycle and think we were farting.

[3:54] No.

[3:55] That was a motorcycle outside.

[3:56] Yeah.

[3:56] That's one of those things where I'm sure we can hear it, but it doesn't pick up on the recording.

[4:00] Wait, when we fart?

[4:02] Well, no.

[4:02] That motorcycle outside.

[4:03] And people listening...

Dan McCoy

[4:04] We hear sirens.

[4:05] I've heard sirens, actually, on the recording before.

[4:08] But not our farting.

[4:08] That's because we're so hot.

Elliott Kalan

[4:10] Because it'll be a hot riff.

Dan McCoy

[4:13] Because the heat is on.

[4:14] It's on the street.

[4:16] And get out of the kitchen.

Elliott Kalan

[4:17] So, we watched a movie today, right?

[4:19] Wow.

Dan McCoy

[4:19] Stuart, for once, being the slave driver here.

Elliott Kalan

[4:22] So, we're saying no shilly-shallying, no dilly-dallying.

[4:24] Like the lead character, not really, of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[4:27] Yeah.

[4:27] Let's talk about this.

[4:28] So...

[4:29] This was a special request.

[4:30] This is a special request.

[4:31] This is from...

[4:31] This is for...

[4:32] From one of our...

Elliott Kalan

[4:33] Lieutenant, last name withheld, in Iraq.

[4:35] One of our boys overseas.

Dan McCoy

[4:36] Uh-huh.

[4:37] We made an offer.

[4:38] He couldn't refuse.

[4:39] We said, give us three movies.

[4:42] In 30 minutes or less.

[4:43] We will pick one.

[4:45] And we'll do a show about it.

[4:46] I'm going to finish every sentence you make.

Stuart Wellington

[4:47] This is because he and his wife sent a request email a while ago.

[4:51] And you, instead of reading the email, just...

[4:53] Ignored it.

[4:54] Ignored it, right?

[4:55] I don't care for our listeners.

[4:57] I don't pay attention.

[4:57] I think you added them to your spam filter.

[4:59] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[5:00] I said, unsubscribe.

Elliott Kalan

[5:03] Which is weird to say to just an email that someone wrote to you.

[5:05] It's not a list.

[5:06] Yeah.

[5:07] Did you just say that to your computer?

[5:09] Or did you...

Dan McCoy

[5:09] It was like in Star Trek 4.

[5:12] I picked up the mouse.

[5:13] I don't know why I'm using a mouse because I've got a trackpad.

[5:14] But I picked it up and I said, computer.

[5:16] And the computer said...

[5:17] Unsubscribe.

[5:18] That's not how I work, Dan.

[5:20] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[5:20] Wait.

[5:21] So when you talk to the computer, you're more flamboyant?

Dan McCoy

[5:24] Computer.

[5:25] Well...

[5:25] That was my...

[5:26] Close window.

[5:27] That was my impression of James Doohan in Star Trek 4.

[5:30] Sounded like Frank Nelson.

Stuart Wellington

[5:32] Hello, computer.

Dan McCoy

[5:34] I crack my knuckles like he does in the movie.

[5:36] And I said...

[5:36] You really know Star Trek 4.

[5:37] I gotta say...

[5:38] It's a classic scene.

Elliott Kalan

[5:40] Of all the movies to know the scenes that well, Star Trek 4 is not...

[5:44] It's the...

[5:44] Look, I'm just looking for the nuclear vessels in Alameda.

[5:47] It's the one where they go to Wales.

[5:49] Okay.

[5:49] It's called Star Trek 4, The Rainy Vacation.

Dan McCoy

[5:52] The quest for vowels.

[5:55] Yep.

[5:55] And...

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] They went to the wrong place.

[5:57] Mm-hmm.

[5:58] So, instead...

[6:00] Let's do the last name with help.

[6:00] Star Trek 4, Irritable Values.

[6:02] Cowell Syndrome.

[6:03] Yeah.

[6:04] Man, you still got it.

[6:05] Yep.

[6:06] Just because I'm on break for over a week.

[6:08] The jokes don't stop.

[6:09] They just irritate people more because you're not getting paid for them.

Dan McCoy

[6:12] You better believe it.

[6:13] Could you not make these jokes?

[6:15] You're just a human being in, like, regular life.

[6:18] Bad is when I throw to sound bites and the sound bite doesn't play.

[6:21] Yeah.

[6:23] So, we were given a couple options.

Stuart Wellington

[6:28] You asked him if he had any requests for movies we could watch, right?

Dan McCoy

[6:31] We could watch, and we didn't do a couple of them.

[6:36] Because we had seen them.

[6:37] We settled on the third.

[6:37] Well, Stuart and I...

[6:39] You had seen it, right?

[6:40] Right.

[6:41] I know I had seen Splice.

[6:42] Did you see Splice?

[6:43] No, I haven't seen Splice.

[6:43] I haven't seen it yet.

[6:44] And I have to admit, again, did not hate Splice.

[6:49] And what was the other choice?

[6:50] The other choice was a direct DVD thing of recent vintage.

[6:53] I can't remember.

[6:54] They just look like your average romantic comedy.

[6:56] So, we settled on the most challenging of the three.

[6:59] Oh, by far.

[7:00] Which was a 1960s Disney live-action musical.

[7:06] Nearly three hours long.

[7:09] Something like two hours and 53 minutes.

Elliott Kalan

[7:11] That includes intermission and an overture, though.

[7:13] Yeah, but the intermission was only like two minutes long.

[7:16] Yeah, the overture was about a minute and a half.

[7:17] The shortest intermission, because they knew audiences wanted to get back into it.

Dan McCoy

[7:19] The actual action of the film is two hours and 40 minutes.

[7:22] Because those are short overtures and intermissions.

[7:24] And what was the name of this movie, Dan?

[7:25] It was called The Happiest Millionaire.

Elliott Kalan

[7:27] So, this is one of those classic Disney musicals.

[7:29] Everyone's seen it.

[7:30] Right up there with Mary Poppins and Pete's Dragon and The 120 Days of Sallow.

[7:36] I think you're misremembering.

[7:38] That's the Disney musical version of Sallow, The 120 Days of Sodom.

[7:45] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[7:46] No, this is a forgotten piece of Disney lore.

[7:49] Now, is it rightfully forgotten?

[7:52] Oh, God, yes.

[7:54] Despite starring...

[7:55] Fred McMurray.

[7:56] Fred McMurray.

[7:57] Live-action Disney mainstay.

Elliott Kalan

[7:59] And Greer Garson.

Dan McCoy

[8:01] A young Leslie Ann Warren in her first role.

Elliott Kalan

[8:05] Yep, lesbian Ann Warren.

Dan McCoy

[8:06] No.

[8:07] Is she a lesbian?

[8:08] I...

[8:08] Well, I don't know.

[8:09] Because her name sounds kind of like she is.

[8:11] Like a lesbian.

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] Yeah.

[8:12] Thanks, Stuart.

[8:14] For clarifying.

Stuart Wellington

[8:16] I just figured if I backed you up on this, Dan might agree.

[8:19] I appreciate it.

[8:19] I don't think so.

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] And this was, according to Wikipedia, this is the last movie Walt Disney had any hand in at Disney because he died during the election.

[8:25] He died in the middle of it.

[8:26] He died, I assume, while watching it because it's about 30 hours long.

[8:32] And it's...

[8:33] What's weird is that it's based on a true story.

Dan McCoy

[8:35] Mm-hmm.

[8:36] A true story that sounds much more interesting than anything that's on screen.

Elliott Kalan

[8:40] It turns out there was this man.

[8:42] I'm going to have to resort to Wikipedia to remind me of some of the details.

[8:45] It turns out there was a man named Anthony J. Drexel Biddle.

[8:48] He was a Philadelphia millionaire who was obsessed with muscular Christianity and boxing and hand-to-hand combat.

[8:55] And he kept alligators as pets.

[8:57] And he's kind of this eccentric Philadelphia millionaire.

Dan McCoy

[8:59] That sounds like that would make a really interesting movie.

Elliott Kalan

[9:01] Yeah.

[9:01] He was a boxing enthusiast.

[9:03] He trained the Marines in hand-to-hand fighting during World War I and World War II.

[9:07] Really interesting stuff.

[9:08] So how much of that was on screen during the three hours running time?

[9:11] Well, I mean, those elements were there.

[9:13] Yeah.

[9:13] He did have alligators and he did occasionally box people.

Dan McCoy

[9:16] Yeah, but most of the film was about his daughter's boring romance with Blandy Blanderson.

Elliott Kalan

[9:22] Yeah, it took place in 1916.

[9:24] And his – well, it opens with an Irish guy played by Tommy Steele singing about how great life is basically.

[9:30] He sings a song called Fortuosity.

[9:32] Yeah, he made that word up.

[9:34] Fortuosity.

[9:34] Sometimes things just fall into place.

[9:36] He's made up a word, fortuosity.

[9:38] But there is a word for that, serendipity.

[9:40] So why bother?

[9:41] Make up a new word.

[9:42] But that's besides the point.

[9:43] He gets a butling job at the Biddle Estate and then disappears for long periods of the movie.

[9:48] Even though he – in theory, I guess he's supposed to be the narrator and hero.

Dan McCoy

[9:53] Yeah, I don't know.

[9:54] I mean, it's hard to say who the main character of this film is.

[9:56] It's an ensemble work.

[9:58] Yeah.

[9:59] I mean, an ensemble in the sense that everyone is pretty much equally boring.

Elliott Kalan

[10:03] But Fred McMurray is this crazy millionaire and his daughter falls in love with –

[10:08] I mean, what makes you think he's crazy though?

[10:10] Well, he's got alligators for pets.

[10:12] Okay.

[10:13] He's obsessed with boxing.

[10:14] Continue.

[10:14] And the Bible.

[10:15] He runs a Bible camp in his house.

[10:17] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[10:18] He's obsessed with pushing America into the war.

[10:21] Yes, and boxing.

[10:23] That is his raison d'etre.

Stuart Wellington

[10:25] Doesn't he almost exclusively eat chocolate cake or something?

Elliott Kalan

[10:28] In the beginning they say he's on a chocolate cake diet, although that goes out the window.

[10:32] We never see him eating chocolate cake at all.

[10:33] Yeah.

[10:35] And his daughter falls in love with the young scion of a New York business family.

[10:41] But he dreams –

[10:42] Named Angie.

[10:43] Named Angie.

[10:44] He's a man.

[10:44] Angie is the guy.

[10:46] And the girl's name is Steve.

[10:48] Wait, what?

[10:48] No, the girl's name is Cordelia.

[10:51] Oh, yeah.

[10:51] They call her Cordy.

[10:53] They do.

[10:55] I mean, that's what I call her.

[10:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:57] But anyway.

[10:57] Because she's like a cord of wood.

[11:00] Yeah.

[11:00] I mean, that's the association.

[11:04] Horrible thing to say about somebody.

[11:06] But –

[11:06] Leslie Ann Warren looked lovely and she went on to a great career in other films.

[11:11] Not this one.

[11:11] What else did she do?

[11:13] Well, I mean, I guess she's most known for – she was on the television show Taxi.

[11:18] Taxi Driver, the show.

[11:19] No, the show Taxi.

[11:20] Travis Bukle kills a different gangsta.

[11:21] No, the one –

[11:22] He saves a different prostitute every week.

[11:23] Andy Kaufman and Danny DeVito, Judd Hirsch, Christopher Lloyd.

[11:28] Oh, DC Cab.

[11:29] No.

[11:29] I thought that was Rhea Perlman.

[11:31] No, you're thinking of –

[11:31] Yeah, Rhea Perlman.

[11:32] You're thinking of –

[11:33] The bin you keep your pearls in.

Stuart Wellington

[11:35] Yeah, yeah.

[11:36] That's what I said.

Dan McCoy

[11:37] Also, Leslie Ann Warren was in the movie Clue as Miss Scarlet.

[11:42] Okay.

[11:42] You remember Miss Scarlet O'Hara?

[11:43] Right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

[11:45] Yeah.

[11:45] A pretty lady.

[11:47] Here, not much.

[11:49] Not much.

Elliott Kalan

[11:50] Well, I mean, there's a lot of singing and dancing.

[11:51] Yeah.

[11:52] She falls in love with a guy who wants to go into the automobile business, but his mother says no.

Stuart Wellington

[11:59] Yeah, he sings a song about how he wants to go to Detroit.

Elliott Kalan

[12:01] Yeah.

[12:02] Detroit is where they –

Stuart Wellington

[12:03] The only song of its –

[12:05] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:05] I think he refers to it as the Golden City.

Dan McCoy

[12:08] The past is hilarious.

[12:10] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[12:10] Well, but this movie was made in the 60s when Detroit was like riding high basically.

[12:15] So they had no idea that people would watch this movie again 44 years later and be like, oh, Detroit, that's a shithole.

Dan McCoy

[12:22] That hellscape?

[12:23] What?

[12:23] Oh, my God.

Elliott Kalan

[12:25] The place that might be putting up a statue of the robot cop that trod its post-apocalyptic soil.

[12:33] They're not going to put up that statue anyway, Stuart.

[12:35] I'm sorry to say.

Stuart Wellington

[12:36] I'm still trying to get over that.

[12:38] So was he trying to go to Detroit so he could –

[12:39] That's all Detroit has to be proud of.

[12:41] Was he going to Detroit so he could test his mettle against an army of chuds and biker gangs?

[12:45] No.

Elliott Kalan

[12:46] So he could make his name in the automobile business, which at that point was just starting to get really big.

[12:51] But the mother of – his mother is very condescending to the Biddles and does not approve of the car plan.

[12:57] The marriage is –

[12:58] But he's a millionaire, right?

[12:59] Yes.

[12:59] The marriage is briefly broken up.

[13:02] Then the butler saves the day by getting the young man into a bar fight and everything's okay.

[13:09] Having him arrested.

[13:10] So he can't leave town.

[13:11] They go to prison.

[13:12] Everything's okay.

[13:13] He gets bailed out and the end.

[13:15] Yeah.

[13:15] Oh, and –

Dan McCoy

[13:16] The guy learns to defy his mother and go off to Detroit.

Elliott Kalan

[13:18] And be his own man in Detroit.

[13:19] And Mr. Biddle in a last-minute De Ex Machina based in True Story is asked by the Marines to become a captain in the Marines and train the Marines in hand-to-hand combat.

Dan McCoy

[13:29] Yeah, as America is entering the war.

Elliott Kalan

[13:32] Now –

[13:32] That's the end of the movie.

[13:33] So just as the movie got interesting, the movie is over.

[13:35] But that's –

[13:36] Also a very simple story.

[13:38] Does that story sound like it should be three hours long?

[13:40] No.

[13:41] No.

Dan McCoy

[13:42] Not at all.

[13:43] But it totally is.

[13:43] But I mean the beautiful – just the beautiful production design.

[13:47] The sterling.

[13:48] Oof.

[13:49] Just spectacle.

[13:50] The purest spectacle of it.

[13:51] Right, guys?

Elliott Kalan

[13:52] It's weird to see a three-hour Disney musical.

[13:53] They had money.

[13:54] A Disney musical that has maybe three locations for most of its running time.

[13:59] The living room, the other living room, and the boxing room.

[14:03] There's a bit of the crocodile room.

[14:05] Occasionally the alligator room.

[14:06] Yeah, the alligator room.

[14:07] The crocodiles are found in a different part of the world.

[14:08] Sorry.

[14:09] Occasionally –

[14:09] I'm thinking of Rocket Crocodile in the world of tomorrow.

[14:12] Eventually –

[14:13] There is a whole –

[14:14] All America can't stop thinking about Rocket Crocodile in the world of tomorrow.

[14:17] When are you going to finish this script?

[14:18] Elliot, please.

[14:19] Please.

[14:19] I'm sorry.

[14:19] Look, I just – it's inspiration.

[14:21] It has to come to me.

[14:22] Sure.

[14:24] But yeah, there is – he has alligators for pets, and they really take a long time before

[14:28] they show you these alligators.

[14:29] Yeah, that sounds –

[14:29] They talk about them a lot.

[14:30] That sounds exciting.

Stuart Wellington

[14:31] Yeah, I expected it was going to be like Norm's wife or something from Cheers.

[14:35] Like you're never – you're going to hear about them all the time, but you're never going

[14:37] to see them.

Dan McCoy

[14:38] No, but they actually had alligators.

[14:40] They were just holding out on them.

Elliott Kalan

[14:41] Yeah, well, that's the thing.

[14:42] They had a whole musical number where the –

[14:43] They waited like an hour before you see them.

[14:45] Yeah.

[14:45] Now, this is going to sound awesome, but it's not.

[14:48] But the alligators are in tanks that get frozen into ice.

[14:51] So they have alligators in blocks of ice that they're thawing out in front of a living

[14:54] room fireplace.

[14:55] The alligators get loose and are chasing the maid everywhere, chasing the cook everywhere.

[14:59] There's alligators all over the place, and Tommy Steele has to –

Stuart Wellington

[15:01] People are tossing alligators to each other?

[15:03] They're throwing alligators at each other.

[15:05] I mean, I think they're like caimans or something else.

Elliott Kalan

[15:06] Yeah, they're really small.

[15:07] But then Tommy Steele is dancing around an alligator as he pulls it along with a leash,

[15:12] and the alligator – it's edited as if the alligator is supposed to be high-stepping

[15:15] with him, and this sounds great to describe it, like an alligator dance

[15:19] number.

[15:20] Yeah, awesome.

[15:20] But, no, it's terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[15:21] I mean, it's better than large other swaths of the movie.

[15:25] Oh, by far it's the best scene in the movie.

[15:26] Yeah.

[15:27] If we were going to edit this movie down, that's one of the pieces we would probably

[15:31] keep.

Dan McCoy

[15:31] Yeah, we'd keep the –

Stuart Wellington

[15:32] Maybe do some slow motion alligator dancing, if you ask me.

Dan McCoy

[15:36] Keep the alligator scene.

[15:38] There's a scene where Fred McMurray beats up a marine.

[15:40] That's kind of fun.

[15:41] That's about a minute and a half.

[15:43] There's a long bar fight scene that could be cut by at least two-thirds, but –

[15:48] It's all like it was right out of Pete's Dragon.

[15:50] Keep that in.

Elliott Kalan

[15:50] There's a lot of scenes where characters will just be like, but that's when I do this.

[15:54] What?

[15:55] But what they – like people being shocked at things that are not very shocking, like the

[15:59] idea of boxing.

Dan McCoy

[16:01] Well, I mean, we've got to put ourselves in that mindset.

[16:04] Apparently, he was –

Elliott Kalan

[16:05] He was a pioneer in terms of getting boxing to be socially acceptable.

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:08] But then show us that.

[16:10] Like don't just –

Dan McCoy

[16:11] Yeah, there was a real –

[16:13] There's a lot of dead air.

[16:14] A lot of dead air in this movie.

[16:16] As I was saying to Elliot, like, you know, there's this idea out there that a story has

[16:21] to have a reason to be told.

[16:23] And this film may have had a reason at the beginning, but it seems to have lost it along

[16:29] the way.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] This is maybe the most meandering studio movie I've ever seen.

[16:34] I mean –

[16:34] Like if John Sayles had made this movie, I would understand why it was meandering.

[16:37] Or like Wong Kar Wai.

[16:39] But it's – this is a Walt Disney live action musical.

[16:44] And it's just kind of like, well, let's sit here for a while.

Dan McCoy

[16:46] There are several ways you could have approached the story and made it somewhat interesting.

[16:50] I mean, we were talking about how like it could have been interesting.

Elliott Kalan

[16:52] Make the butler a cartoon, right?

[16:54] Yeah.

[16:55] Make him like a cartoon penguin.

[16:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:56] Yeah.

[16:57] But if the butler was like the clever immigrant butler who had to save his wacky millionaire

[17:03] Yes.

[17:04] Employers.

Elliott Kalan

[17:06] Like through his – they get themselves into trouble and he cleverly gets them out of it.

Dan McCoy

[17:10] That would have been an interesting take.

[17:11] If it was a more straight up actual historical tape focusing on the Fred McMurray character,

[17:16] that would have been interesting.

[17:17] Yeah.

[17:17] Instead, they sort of focus on the daughter and her bland romance.

[17:22] And then they throw in a bunch of other stuff that doesn't associate with that.

[17:25] Like alligators.

[17:26] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:26] If it was told from the perspective of the alligators, what do you think?

[17:29] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:29] That would be good.

[17:29] They spend most of their time just in a tank in the greenhouse.

[17:32] If it was more like –

Stuart Wellington

[17:33] There's a really long sequence where he's like running around trying to get the big

[17:37] alligator back in its tank when he's in the greenhouse and he keeps accidentally walking

[17:41] through the same pool with alligators in it.

[17:44] Yeah.

[17:45] That was pretty great.

[17:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[17:47] Your enthusiasm just burns out of you.

[17:49] You're saying that you wanted to be more like Bad Lieutenant Port of Call, New Orleans with a lot of more like lizard POV shots.

[17:57] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[17:59] Yes, a lot of them.

[18:01] But it's weird because the butler – and the butler is set up as your main character because

[18:04] you spend the first like 57 minutes is one musical number.

[18:08] I think you're overestimating.

[18:09] That's what it felt like.

[18:11] The butler like dancing around town just interacting with ordinary Philadelphians singing about

[18:16] how his philosophy of life and asking directions of the same policeman like seven times.

[18:22] Yeah.

[18:22] And then he gets in.

[18:24] He's hired as the butler and then you don't see him for like an hour.

[18:26] Yeah.

[18:27] Or like every now and then he pops and goes, oh, hello.

[18:29] Oh, Mr. Biddle.

[18:31] Well, okay then.

[18:32] You know, and I'll forget.

[18:32] He sings that one.

[18:33] Well, he doesn't have a very good Irish accent in this either.

Stuart Wellington

[18:36] He sings that big thing about even if he becomes an American, he'll still be Irish.

[18:39] That's true.

[18:40] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[18:41] Yeah.

[18:41] He has a very racist part of that where he's like, even if I go to China, they'll say

[18:45] Ching Wong Ching Ching Irish.

Stuart Wellington

[18:47] And it's like, all right.

Elliott Kalan

[18:49] That's – even in 1967, that was not cool.

Stuart Wellington

[18:52] I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that because I want to like somebody in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[18:56] I mean it makes sense that this – everything that you read about the behind the scenes,

[19:00] and there's not like a lot.

[19:02] I mean we just looked at Wikipedia.

Elliott Kalan

[19:02] Well, we watched – there's the three-hour documentary, The Happiest Millionaire – Behind

[19:06] The Happiest Millionaire, and there was that book, The Not-So-Happiest Millionaire.

Dan McCoy

[19:11] It seems like this must have been a real struggle to put this movie together.

[19:14] Like they did not know what they were doing at a certain point.

[19:17] They're like, if we keep throwing money at this, maybe –

Elliott Kalan

[19:20] It feels like Walt Disney read the book it's based on, which was written by the real-life

[19:24] daughter, and said, I want to make a movie of this.

[19:26] This is – I'm nostalgic for the time period this movie set in.

[19:30] Like let's do it.

[19:31] And then other people tried to figure out a way to make – to film this unfilmable book

[19:36] that Walt Disney wanted them to film.

[19:38] That's my assumption.

[19:39] Then that he died halfway through it.

[19:40] So they were like, oh, let's just throw this thing together.

[19:43] Let's just get it out there.

[19:45] Because there's a lot of like – I'm sure if you grew up in 1916, you'd be like, oh, those days.

[19:49] I remember them.

[19:50] Oh, what an enjoyable romp.

Dan McCoy

[19:53] People liked cars and boxing and such.

[19:55] Exactly.

[19:56] People wanted to move to Detroit.

[19:59] Beautiful Detroit.

Stuart Wellington

[20:00] Yeah.

[20:01] Get in on the ground floor.

[20:03] Of filth.

Dan McCoy

[20:04] Stuart, what was your favorite musical number from this?

[20:07] Do you remember any of them?

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] The –

[20:09] Because I only remember Fortuosity and No Shilly Shallying, No Dilly Dallying.

Stuart Wellington

[20:12] Well, No Shilly Shallying, No Dilly Dallying is probably the best.

Elliott Kalan

[20:14] That's the song that leads to the bar fight.

Stuart Wellington

[20:18] And of course the – he's Irish no matter where he goes.

[20:21] Oh, yeah.

[20:21] Or the bit where the two girls in the private school are teaching each other how to flirt with boys.

Dan McCoy

[20:30] Oh, pom pom poi or whatever it's called.

[20:31] Yeah.

[20:31] Yep.

[20:32] That was a scene that, yeah, if this movie was made like even just ten years later,

[20:37] there would be some sort of making out that would have resulted in that scene.

[20:40] I don't know about that.

[20:41] It seemed like a weird tension to that scene.

Elliott Kalan

[20:43] There were a lot of moments in that scene where it seemed like the girls were about to start making out.

Dan McCoy

[20:47] It's like, teach me how to flirt.

[20:48] Teach – and then they both get on like the same bed and they're like gazing into each other's eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[20:51] I think you're projecting.

[20:52] I think we're just a little too versed in lesbian –

[20:55] Yeah, I'm thinking of my own lesbian experiences.

[20:57] Lesbian – yes.

[20:58] Your own college experiences.

[20:59] I think we're a little too versed in –

[21:01] Well, college is the time to experiment, Elliot.

[21:03] Yeah, that's true.

[21:04] With science.

[21:05] But also lesbian.

[21:06] That reminds me of one of my favorite lines from a softcore porn movie where it's two girls.

[21:11] One of them says to the other, they say college is the time to experiment, so let's get experimenting.

[21:16] And they just start making out.

[21:18] It's the lamest.

Dan McCoy

[21:19] So that's when they invent their web slingers.

Elliott Kalan

[21:22] Yes, exactly.

[21:23] And they invent their web shooters and their spider tracers.

[21:27] Yep.

[21:29] The utility belts.

[21:31] But the – I think we're a little too versed in porn for straight men that involves two women together.

[21:39] Because so that anytime –

[21:40] Too versed.

[21:41] Anytime that two women are sitting on a bed or one says – or like even one puts her face a little too close to the other one, we're like, well, of course they'll start making out now.

Stuart Wellington

[21:48] Well, if there's two women and a bed in the same room.

Dan McCoy

[21:52] That's the natural end point.

[21:54] That's the end game, right?

[21:56] That's what happens.

[21:57] That's the end game, yeah.

[21:58] Yeah.

[22:00] So we just talked about some sweet musical numbers.

[22:04] Pump Boy.

Elliott Kalan

[22:04] Well, there are other musical numbers too.

[22:06] Rum Tum Tugger.

[22:07] There's the song –

Stuart Wellington

[22:08] Now, there was the bits where we fast forwarded a little bit, but we still – we were still able to – wait.

[22:15] No, but we didn't fast – we could still hear it.

[22:17] It just sounded like –

[22:17] Yeah, we fast forwarded.

Dan McCoy

[22:18] It was like three hours long.

[22:20] Stuart needs to get to work after this.

[22:22] We fast forwarded on the mode where you can still hear what they're saying.

Stuart Wellington

[22:26] Yeah, so when Fred McMurtry or whatever –

[22:29] Yeah, Larry McMurtry.

[22:30] When he was singing that song about –

Elliott Kalan

[22:32] When he was done writing The Last Picture Show, he starred in The Happiest Millionaire.

Stuart Wellington

[22:37] Yeah, when he was singing that song about how we should go to war with Germany or something for those Marines.

[22:44] That was another song, and then he ends up beating that dude up, and then they sing the conclusion of it.

Elliott Kalan

[22:49] And they also – he learns – the young – the fiancé wins him over by showing him a jiu-jitsu move.

[22:56] So like – and that teaches him something he's never seen before about hand-to-hand fighting.

[23:00] So this is a movie about the happiest millionaire.

[23:02] His relationships are based on hand-to-hand combat, and yet it was very boring.

[23:06] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[23:07] Didn't he have a couple of sons or something at the very beginning?

[23:09] Yeah, they kind of dissolved, I think, after a while.

Elliott Kalan

[23:12] They may have gone into the Marines or something.

Dan McCoy

[23:13] The dancing, alligators.

[23:16] Jiu-jitsu.

[23:17] Still dull.

Elliott Kalan

[23:19] Still super boring.

[23:21] Super long.

Dan McCoy

[23:22] These scenes just extended way past their normal, like, end point.

[23:25] That was the other thing.

[23:26] There was – it's not even like –

[23:28] I mean, maybe they thought –

[23:28] There's so much story here.

[23:30] It's got to be three hours.

[23:31] It was just scenic bloat and everything.

Elliott Kalan

[23:32] Maybe they thought the audience was going to burst into applause after every line of dialogue.

[23:36] Yeah.

[23:36] So they needed long pauses between them.

Stuart Wellington

[23:38] Well, yeah.

[23:39] They were expecting people to develop a real deep connection with the movie, see it multiple times,

[23:43] and then create some kind of a culture around it where they are, like, laughing.

[23:47] Every line has become part of the American psyche.

Elliott Kalan

[23:49] Yeah, they yell out responses.

[23:51] Yeah.

[23:52] They wave spoons.

[23:54] Or toast.

[23:55] They wave alligators over their heads during the alligator scenes.

[23:58] They wear boxing gloves.

Stuart Wellington

[24:00] See, I paid attention.

[24:02] You remember one thing.

[24:05] I remember boxing gloves.

Elliott Kalan

[24:07] Oh, God.

[24:08] Yeah, it is – it was – there's maybe 35 minutes worth of movie here that they extended to almost three hours.

[24:13] So thank you, LeBan, last name withheld.

[24:15] I mean, you know.

[24:16] It was a simple pleasure.

Dan McCoy

[24:17] It was a real tale of the immigrant experience in America, though.

[24:20] No, it wasn't.

[24:22] The Irish guy?

[24:23] Yeah.

[24:24] Sure.

[24:25] Just off the boat, Irish guy who we first see in a three-piece tweed suit and a hat and –

[24:32] Like a really good-looking suit.

[24:32] A really nice suit.

Stuart Wellington

[24:34] Yeah, I mean, except for, like, in a green tie, right?

[24:37] So we know he's Irish.

Elliott Kalan

[24:38] Well, just off – fresh off the boat.

Stuart Wellington

[24:39] Well, a green lining for his suit.

Elliott Kalan

[24:41] Just because he's fresh off the boat doesn't mean he's a poor guy in steerage.

[24:44] Like he could have been on a carnival cruise line or something.

Stuart Wellington

[24:47] Didn't he say he wanted to get a lot of his immigrant clothes or something?

[24:51] Yeah, but he's wearing, like, a really nice suit.

[24:52] Yeah, like, I want those clothes.

[24:54] Yeah.

[24:55] So –

[24:55] You look good in those clothes.

[24:56] Yeah, can you guys get those for me?

[24:58] I don't think so.

[24:59] I mean –

[25:00] We could write to Tommy Steele.

[25:01] He's still alive.

[25:02] Yeah, I mean, you could probably get them.

[25:03] Like on eBay or something.

[25:06] For, like, my wedding.

[25:07] I don't –

[25:08] I mean, he's short.

[25:09] For your wedding gift.

[25:09] I mean, he's short.

Stuart Wellington

[25:09] So we might have to stretch them.

[25:10] That's what you do, right?

[25:11] Yeah, you stretch clothes out.

[25:12] Yeah, you just stretch them out.

[25:13] That's how it gets clothes.

Elliott Kalan

[25:14] You steam them and you stretch them.

[25:17] You just tie them to a rack and you pull until the clothes are your size.

[25:21] Okay, so we'll do that.

[25:24] So I feel like we've made the sacrifice that most of America hasn't made to support our men overseas by seeing this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[25:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:33] So this is like – this is a three-hour movie.

[25:40] And I feel like we've run out of things to say a good ten minutes before we normally –

Elliott Kalan

[25:45] It's because it was a movie that didn't have, like, glaring problems with it except slowness and dullness.

[25:52] Yeah.

[25:52] The songs were not particularly memorable except for shilly-shallying, dilly-dallying.

Stuart Wellington

[25:55] Yeah, I mean, that's going to stick with me forever.

Elliott Kalan

[25:57] Yeah, even though I've kind of forgotten how it goes already.

Stuart Wellington

[26:00] Something like shilly-shally, dilly-dally, I'm going to go to China.

[26:03] No, no.

[26:03] No, yeah, that was how it went.

Elliott Kalan

[26:05] It was something like that.

[26:07] But, like, it's – there's just not – this was meant to be, like, a big road show production.

[26:11] That's why it had an overture and an intermission and why it's so long.

[26:15] And they wanted it to do the same business that Mary Poppins did.

[26:18] But, like, Mary Poppins has so many memorable moments.

[26:21] And this – it's like – it's like at every moment they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[26:25] We did that in Mary Poppins.

[26:26] Let's try unmemorable this time.

[26:28] Yeah.

[26:29] They just went out of the way to make it very bland.

[26:31] I will mention that in my research for it after we saw it, I noticed that the director, Norman Tokar, who directed a lot of Disney movies,

[26:38] it mentions on Wikipedia that he made the Dean Jones, Suzanne Plachette slapstick comedy The Ugly Dachshund.

[26:43] So if anyone's ever seen the movie The Ugly Dachshund, which sounds amazing, I guess write into the Flophouse.

[26:49] What's the email address?

[26:51] Flophouse at theflophouse.com?

Dan McCoy

[26:53] I think it's theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[26:56] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[26:56] The longest and most needlessly long.

[27:00] Everything.

[27:00] The email address, the URL.

[27:01] It's always ridiculously overlong.

[27:04] Just like this movie.

[27:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:05] Non-memorable.

[27:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] Just like the happiest – the other thing is like he wasn't that happy a millionaire.

[27:09] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:10] Why the happiest millionaire?

[27:11] We barely touch on his money.

[27:13] Look, there has to be a war, his happiness.

Elliott Kalan

[27:16] And most of the thing is him being disappointed in people.

Dan McCoy

[27:18] There has to be a reason that we're watching this movie.

[27:20] Like, he can't just be a happy millionaire.

[27:22] He has to be the happiest millionaire, guys.

[27:23] Just call it something different.

[27:24] That's what you learn in screenwriting.

[27:25] Sure.

[27:25] Call it Alligator Boxer.

[27:27] Oh, man.

[27:27] I like that one.

Elliott Kalan

[27:28] That's a good title.

[27:29] That's good.

[27:29] Or what about like Mr. Marine?

Stuart Wellington

[27:32] Alligator Boxer.

[27:33] Put an alligator, put some biking gloves on him.

[27:35] That's your poster.

[27:36] That's a poster.

[27:36] Sure.

[27:36] You got the poster right there.

[27:37] So I'm going to push right –

[27:39] And a bow tie.

[27:39] I'm going to –

[27:39] A green bow tie.

[27:40] Because he's Irish, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:41] Yeah.

[27:41] Or you have an alligator in boxing gloves and then a butler standing next to him with like

[27:44] a tray with like a bottle of champagne and a mouse on it.

Stuart Wellington

[27:48] That's the – that tells me all I need to know about this movie.

[27:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:52] That sets you up to be disappointed by the film.

Dan McCoy

[27:56] I'm going to push past – I'm going to push right past Final Judgments because I

[28:00] assume –

[28:01] Good, good movie.

[28:02] That everyone's going to say it's a bad, bad movie.

[28:05] Undiscovered classic.

[28:05] Bad, bad movie.

[28:06] Everyone?

[28:07] I would say it was a bad, bad movie.

[28:09] Just so we can get in a few more letters.

[28:11] We got a lot of letters.

[28:13] Cracking the whip over here.

Stuart Wellington

[28:14] I got – I got something for you guys, by the way.

[28:17] Okay.

[28:17] Before we get into the letters, since I last really saw you guys, I went on a little trip.

[28:23] I went to –

[28:24] Found memory lane.

[28:24] I went to a place called Gen Con.

[28:27] What?

[28:27] The world's largest gaming convention in all of the world.

[28:32] And I got you guys because I like you guys a lot.

Dan McCoy

[28:34] What?

[28:35] Yeah, I got you guys something really cool.

Elliott Kalan

[28:36] Oh, and I didn't even get you anything when I was in Montana this past week.

Stuart Wellington

[28:39] The Bratz Fashion Party Fever collectible card game.

[28:43] What?

[28:44] Yep.

[28:44] You're seeing it for the first time.

[28:46] Stuart is not lying.

[28:47] He's holding it in his hands.

[28:48] This is the –

[28:48] Bratz Fashion Party Forever.

[28:50] This is the –

[28:51] It's Fashion Party Fever.

[28:53] Fever.

[28:53] Well, I like mine more.

[28:54] There's super styling collectible cards.

[28:56] Two-player starter set.

[28:58] And it's for ages 8 and up.

Dan McCoy

[28:59] I assume Fashion Party Fever is like a Contagion-style game where there's a Fashion Party bug that

[29:06] is going through the world.

Stuart Wellington

[29:07] It's similar to the popular game Pandemic.

[29:10] So the taglines are dress up, throw a party, and dance all night long.

[29:14] In card form.

[29:15] In card form.

[29:16] So this was a 2003 T-O-T-Y winner, Property of the Year.

Elliott Kalan

[29:23] Oh, a Toddy winner.

[29:24] Oh, the Toddy.

Stuart Wellington

[29:24] That was the Toy of the Year Awards.

Elliott Kalan

[29:27] So the gets its own –

[29:29] So guys, since this –

[29:30] You could just say the T-O-Y Awards, Toy of the Year.

[29:33] Toady, you lose the word toy as the acronym.

[29:36] Yeah.

[29:37] Wow.

[29:37] I mean that's bad design.

[29:38] We should call them.

Dan McCoy

[29:39] That is –

Stuart Wellington

[29:40] So I got you guys this because I know you love Bratz and it's for two people.

Elliott Kalan

[29:44] Oh, we love Bratz.

[29:45] Like you don't love Bratz.

Stuart Wellington

[29:46] Well, I love Bratz too.

[29:48] But I thought if I got you guys a two-player game, I could watch you two play.

[29:52] Now can I –

[29:53] I'm just going to sit back.

[29:53] Okay, that's weird.

[29:54] Now can I turn the lights out in my corner and I'd watch you guys play while I drink.

[29:57] So this is like one of those –

Elliott Kalan

[29:59] Any of those stripper serial killer movies where a stripper is dancing for a guy in the shadows

[30:03] in a private dance and then he strangles her.

Stuart Wellington

[30:05] Well, we might –

[30:07] I might strangle you.

[30:08] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[30:09] Guys, I want to –

Stuart Wellington

[30:09] But I want to watch you play.

Dan McCoy

[30:10] I want to read a little of the ad copy on the back of this though.

[30:13] Okay.

[30:14] It says, dress up, throw a party, dance all night long.

[30:18] Yeah, we heard that part.

[30:19] Yeah, I did that.

[30:20] Oh, sorry.

[30:21] Well, did you notice that night is spelled N-I-T-E?

[30:23] I did not.

[30:24] Didn't mention it.

[30:25] It says, includes two totally hot 37-card decks.

[30:29] So the decks are hot?

[30:30] Naslin dance floor play mat.

[30:32] Rockin' rules sheet.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] Wait, even the rules sheet is rockin'?

[30:36] It is.

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] That's the only time I've ever heard rules is being described as cool.

[30:41] Is rules spelled with a Z?

[30:42] Please tell me it is.

[30:43] I'm sorry, it isn't.

Dan McCoy

[30:44] Boo.

[30:45] Bratz, you let me down.

[30:45] Doesn't sound rockin'.

[30:46] Well, wait.

[30:47] Hold on.

[30:47] Listen to this word that has been made up for the next thing.

[30:50] Fortuosity?

[30:51] Funcalish?

[30:52] Funcalish game pieces.

[30:55] Secret question decoder.

[30:57] Tons of super-styling Bratz fashions and characters.

[31:01] Funcalish?

[31:01] Yeah.

[31:03] Oh, man.

[31:03] So apparently the goal is to swap fashion cards and complete the fashion passion prism,

[31:08] and all the Bratz will be strutting it on the dance floor in style.

Stuart Wellington

[31:11] Is that like the Triforce?

Dan McCoy

[31:12] I have no idea.

[31:13] The fashion passion prism?

Stuart Wellington

[31:13] It looks like there's going to be a lot of Bratz character artwork on these things.

[31:18] No noses and big lips and big eyes and tiny waist.

[31:20] My only request is you guys refrain from masturbating.

[31:23] This was a gift for playing games.

[31:24] I cannot masturbate by any promises.

Elliott Kalan

[31:26] You know that I have a fetish for women whose heads are basically golf balls with features

[31:30] attached.

[31:31] So no dice.

[31:32] No can do.

[31:34] That's why I like Bratz and Rachel Lee Cook.

[31:38] Wow.

[31:39] Take that star if she's all that.

Dan McCoy

[31:42] That is amazing.

Elliott Kalan

[31:43] Oh, and there's a super-styling spa party sweepstakes.

[31:46] Ooh, oh.

[31:48] It ended in April 1st of 2014.

[31:50] Okay.

[31:52] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[31:53] That was a hot commodity at Gen Con.

[31:55] Oh, you said it.

[31:56] Yeah, I don't want to.

[31:56] I mean, I don't want to.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] Send a self-addressed stand envelope to Super Stylin Spa Party, 5909 Sea Otter Place,

[32:03] Carlsbad, California.

[32:04] Wow.

[32:04] So it is at Sea Otter Place.

Dan McCoy

[32:07] Stuart, I don't want to insult you with this question, but on the other hand, I kind of

[32:11] want to know how much does one pay for the Bratz card game?

[32:15] It was $2 before tax.

Stuart Wellington

[32:19] So you love each of us $1.

[32:21] I do have to say, the look on the saleswoman's face when I asked for it, priceless.

[32:26] I got to tell you.

[32:29] Did a policeman follow you around for the rest of the convention?

[32:33] No.

[32:33] I was not in any way the creepiest guy there.

[32:37] So awesome.

[32:39] That's a personal triumph for you.

[32:40] That was my gift to you guys.

[32:41] Thank you so much.

[32:43] Listeners at home.

[32:45] It's like they're reading with their ears.

[32:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:48] Maybe I'll...

[32:49] You got to put up a picture of it.

[32:50] Yeah, I should take up a picture of this.

Elliott Kalan

[32:52] Maybe.

[32:52] Or even link to the Amazon.com link.

[32:53] How about you guys...

Stuart Wellington

[32:54] Yeah, like you guys give it a thumbs up.

[32:55] Hold it.

[32:56] We'll deal with it in a minute.

[32:57] Yeah, come on.

Dan McCoy

[32:58] So, before we get to the letters...

Elliott Kalan

[33:01] Spoilers on the card game.

Dan McCoy

[33:03] Before we get to the letters, I just want to thank T. Coburn and C. Simmons for their donations.

[33:09] Thanks, guys.

[33:10] Generous donations.

[33:12] Coburn and Simmons.

[33:14] So, there were a couple of...

[33:16] Private eyes.

[33:17] There were a couple of male things that we had to lose because of...

[33:21] Male?

Elliott Kalan

[33:22] Wait, male things we had to lose?

[33:23] It's like people got their penises cut off?

[33:25] Yeah.

[33:26] Like beards removed?

Dan McCoy

[33:28] Because of the...

[33:30] Because of the...

Elliott Kalan

[33:31] What other male things are there?

Dan McCoy

[33:33] Because of the lost episode...

[33:35] Oh.

[33:36] Some of the older emails I'm going to have to skip.

[33:39] We can always do those at the end if we have time.

[33:41] Well, we'll see.

[33:42] We'll see.

[33:43] Um...

[33:44] But I'm going to move on.

[33:45] Harsh taskmaster.

[33:47] Um...

[33:48] Harsh taskmaster.

[33:49] Angie.

[33:51] Angie, last name withheld.

[33:53] Um...

[33:53] Her last name is List.

[33:55] She, uh...

[33:55] Angie.

Stuart Wellington

[33:56] Is that that character from that movie we just watched?

[33:58] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[33:58] Yep.

[33:58] He's a successful car executive in Detroit now.

[34:02] Um...

[34:02] He's 100 years old.

Dan McCoy

[34:04] Her main...

[34:05] Her main thrust for email is whether any of us have seen the German movie Killer Condom.

[34:10] That's a German movie?

[34:11] Is it?

[34:12] I've never seen it.

Elliott Kalan

[34:12] I know that Troma released it years ago.

[34:14] Mm-hmm.

[34:15] Uh...

[34:16] I assumed it was a Troma film, but maybe they were distributing a German film.

[34:19] But the, uh...

[34:20] Or maybe it's a remake of the Troma Killer Condom.

Dan McCoy

[34:23] The main thing I wanted to, uh, read from her is the, uh...

[34:27] Second, uh, paragraph where she, uh...

[34:30] She talks how much...

[34:31] She laughs.

[34:33] She enjoys the show.

[34:34] She says,

[34:34] The dick popcorn thing had me choking.

[34:36] I was trying to keep from laughing.

[34:38] I'd say more.

[34:38] You do not want to choke on dick popcorn.

[34:40] But I might turn into a dithering fangirl, and that's not very professional.

[34:43] Though I have developed a bit of a thing for Elliot's way of saying anywho.

[34:48] Yes.

[34:48] So, I just wanted to get that in there.

[34:50] Hello.

[34:51] Because I can't imagine.

[34:53] Anyone, uh...

[34:55] Else ever liking that.

[34:56] Being anything but irritated by that.

Elliott Kalan

[34:59] Dan, you have to understand that things I do that irritate you delights and enchant the listeners.

[35:04] Yeah.

[35:05] All right.

[35:05] Well...

[35:06] Well, thank you very much, writer.

[35:08] That was an anti.

[35:08] And your last name well withheld.

Dan McCoy

[35:10] Uh, this, uh, this next one's called Heart Ticket to Hawaii.

[35:13] It relates to something that I showed you, gentlemen, before the podcast.

[35:16] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[35:16] Oh, okay.

[35:17] I'm trying to remember back.

[35:18] All I can remember is shilly-shallying, dilly-dallying.

[35:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:21] It says, hello, Dan, Stuart, and Elliot.

[35:23] I'm a big fan of the show, having hopped on the post-AV Club bandwagon.

[35:27] Thank you.

[35:27] And I've started to listen to every episode for the second time, much as the chagrin of

[35:31] my wife, who's usually trying to get some work done, while I sit and laugh at myself across

[35:34] the room.

[35:35] Speaking of my wife...

Stuart Wellington

[35:36] I can imagine an Andy Cap style figure.

[35:38] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[35:40] Sorry, love.

[35:41] Gotta listen to the podcast.

[35:43] Flop house, eh?

[35:44] Hop down the pub.

[35:47] Sorry.

[35:48] Speaking of my wife...

[35:49] Somebody's cheese fries.

[35:51] Andy Cap's cheese fries.

[35:52] They're hot fries.

[35:52] Hot fries.

[35:53] Hot...

[35:53] But they're cheese fries.

[35:56] Even though they're called Andy...

[35:56] They're very hot.

Dan McCoy

[35:57] Uh, hot fries.

Elliott Kalan

[35:59] What?

[36:00] They come in a plastic...

[36:01] Okay.

[36:01] Hot fries.

[36:02] Alright.

[36:03] You've bested me in knowledge of Andy Cap-based bar foods.

Dan McCoy

[36:07] Uh, he says, speaking of my wife, I'm allowed to, we're married.

[36:11] On at least one episode of your show, you referenced the B, C, question mark?

[36:15] D, question mark?

[36:16] Movie classic, Hard Ticket to Hawaii.

[36:18] One of Dan's favorites.

[36:19] While my wife was working for a now-defunct current TV show, she and some co-workers did

[36:24] a particularly faithful shot-for-shot remake of the You Got a Great Ass scene from the film.

[36:29] I thought you'd appreciate both the attention to detail and the utter pointlessness of the

[36:33] project.

[36:34] It is here, and he gives a link.

[36:36] Uh, again, love the podcast.

[36:37] Please continue to have an erratic release schedule.

[36:39] Otherwise, I won't find time to catch up with the Fresh Air podcast.

[36:42] That's from Will, last name with help.

Elliott Kalan

[36:43] Interesting that you're alternating between this and Fresh Air, which are two very different

[36:47] podcasts.

[36:48] Um, but, uh...

[36:49] I think, uh, the...

[36:51] What's her name on Fresh Air?

[36:52] Terry Gross?

[36:53] Is that her name?

[36:53] Terry Gross, yeah.

[36:54] She talks a lot less about wormy boners and, uh, Invisible Maniac than we do.

Stuart Wellington

[36:58] Then I'm kind of glad I haven't been listening to this Fresh Air or whatever.

Dan McCoy

[37:04] So we watched that, uh, hard ticket to Hawaii.

[37:06] It was very faithful.

[37:07] Yeah, it was very funny.

[37:08] We don't know, uh...

[37:10] Now, a key piece of information that you leave out is whether that was your wife in the, uh,

[37:14] who had the titular Great Ass.

[37:16] Um...

[37:17] I knew Dan was gonna ask this question.

[37:18] Well, look.

[37:19] It was a nice question.

Elliott Kalan

[37:20] It's gotta be a fucking creepazoid, dude.

[37:22] No, I'm just...

[37:22] One, a creepazoid, and two, he needs to put a name with a butt.

[37:25] Yeah, I do.

Dan McCoy

[37:26] Yeah, that seems to be a theme of the day.

[37:29] No, but I'm saying, I, I, you know...

[37:31] We had a conversation about this earlier with Dan.

[37:33] I love, I love personalities, Stuart.

[37:35] I don't just love body parts.

[37:37] Sure.

[37:37] So you like a butt with personality.

[37:38] I need to put a great personality with a great body part.

[37:41] Okay.

[37:43] Um, but, uh, yeah.

[37:44] No, that was a...

Stuart Wellington

[37:45] So his wife wasn't the guy with the, uh, frisbee in the neck.

Dan McCoy

[37:49] Oh, it's true.

[37:49] I mean, like, we don't know.

[37:50] I mean, this could be a gay gentleman who, uh, his wife could be the, uh...

[37:54] Well, like he's doing wife and air quotes or something?

Stuart Wellington

[37:57] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[37:57] Well, you know.

[37:58] I've heard that.

[37:59] I've heard, uh...

Stuart Wellington

[38:00] No, I guess you're right.

[38:01] That's fair.

[38:01] I've heard that from me.

[38:01] Come on, Stuart.

[38:02] It's the 21st century.

[38:03] You gotta expand your definition.

[38:05] Mm-hmm.

[38:05] See, it's all...

Dan McCoy

[38:07] I'm trying to redefine marriage for you before you get married.

Elliott Kalan

[38:10] It's weird since Dan's character on the podcast has been established as a violent homophobe.

[38:15] And yet he seems to have some kind of reversal.

[38:18] What, Dan, what changed your opinion on this issue?

Dan McCoy

[38:21] This was something that was placed upon me.

[38:22] I've always been very open to all...

[38:24] Because Flophouse listeners know, if you've been paying attention to Flophouse continuity...

Elliott Kalan

[38:27] No, no, I'm very...

[38:28] He is horribly intolerant.

[38:29] And yet, perhaps over the past week or two...

[38:32] Not homophobic at all?

[38:32] He's had some kind of eye-opening experience.

Dan McCoy

[38:34] All right.

[38:35] Well, fine.

[38:36] I mean, like, I'll accept it.

[38:38] I mean, if this puts to bed the idea that I'm some sort of homophobe...

[38:42] Well, I mean, you're not anymore.

[38:43] You used to be.

[38:43] No, that's not true.

Stuart Wellington

[38:44] But, I mean, you could have a relapse.

[38:47] At any moment.

[38:47] Yeah, at any moment.

[38:49] You never know.

Elliott Kalan

[38:50] And he also has a hook for a hand.

Dan McCoy

[38:52] Yep.

[38:53] And I'm trying to take down the government.

Elliott Kalan

[38:54] Also been established.

[38:56] He really overloaded you with hooks.

Dan McCoy

[39:00] So, I forget what we were talking about, but I'll put that hard ticket to Hawaii.

Elliott Kalan

[39:03] But you're leering at this man's, possibly his wife.

[39:07] Possibly his wife.

[39:08] And if not his wife, somebody's daughter.

[39:09] It was put on YouTube.

[39:10] What else?

[39:11] Yes, somebody's daughter and somebody's mother.

[39:12] Everyone's someone's daughter.

Dan McCoy

[39:15] Your fiancé is someone's daughter.

[39:17] What the...

[39:18] I hope not.

[39:19] The things he does with her.

[39:20] And I do terrible things to her.

Elliott Kalan

[39:21] The point was, they went out of their way to do a shot-by-shot remake of a scene from a terrible movie.

[39:28] And all you could focus on was the female body parts.

Dan McCoy

[39:30] Well, that was a...

[39:31] To be fair, that was a terrible movie that all it could focus on was the female body parts in it.

[39:35] You're mixing the medium and the message.

[39:36] The whole point of the movie was to have things blow up and for body parts to be bared.

[39:42] That's true.

[39:42] That's the point of Andy Sedaris' oeuvre.

[39:46] Oeuvre.

Elliott Kalan

[39:47] Andy Sedaris is a particular favorite director of Dan's.

[39:49] Yeah.

[39:49] He did one of their movies, Hard Tickets in Malibu.

Dan McCoy

[39:52] Savage Beach.

[39:53] Savage Beach.

[39:53] Picasso Trigger.

[39:55] Do or Die.

[39:56] Do or Die.

[39:57] Something Express.

Elliott Kalan

[39:57] Do or Die is the one where there's a mercenary named Hot Dog in it.

[40:00] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:01] Yeah.

[40:02] And it's all...

[40:03] Wait, wait, wait.

[40:04] Hot Dog the movie?

[40:05] No, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[40:06] Hot Dog the guy.

[40:08] I know it's easy to get mixed up.

[40:09] But is he named after the food or the movie?

[40:11] Well, his name is not Hot Dog the movie.

Dan McCoy

[40:13] Now, this is a...

[40:13] Andy Sedaris, this is a former sports journalist.

[40:17] I think he worked for Sports Illustrated, who then made a career out of making movies basically

[40:22] where former Playboy models carried bazookas around in tropical climates and blew things up.

[40:27] Carried them in front of their bazookas.

[40:29] Yeah.

[40:30] Well, okay, wait.

[40:31] Now who is objectifying?

[40:32] That's cheeky.

[40:33] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[40:33] Come on.

[40:34] That's lovely.

[40:35] He said it ironically.

[40:36] The video was cheeky.

[40:37] That's what I'm saying.

[40:38] That's gross.

[40:39] You're making me uncomfortable.

[40:42] All right.

[40:42] Well, let's move on.

[40:43] My remark was very PG.

[40:45] Yours is, I don't know, punch to play.

[40:46] Especially the look on his face.

[40:48] Yeah.

[40:49] That's the look of a man in a raincoat in a theater in the middle of the day.

Dan McCoy

[40:52] Look, just because I'm visibly drooling and I've removed my pants doesn't mean that there's

[40:58] anything untwored about it.

[40:58] I don't even know how you did that.

[40:59] I didn't see you do it.

Elliott Kalan

[41:00] Well, the drool lubricated his pants.

[41:03] Did they dissolve his pants made out of sugar?

[41:06] Yep.

[41:07] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[41:08] Sugar pants?

[41:08] Easy access.

[41:09] That's why they call him that.

[41:10] So, this is an email titled, Dramatic Contest Results.

[41:17] And it's from Stuart, last name withheld.

[41:19] Wait a minute.

[41:20] Stuart, did you get drunk and email it?

[41:22] Spelled differently, but that could be a not too clever attempt to conceal.

[41:26] Stuart's the best.

Stuart Wellington

[41:28] Can you have more Stuart on this show?

[41:30] Signed, Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[41:31] This says, Greetings, Floppers.

[41:33] I was listening to the Earwolf Challenge podcast.

[41:36] When, to my pleasant surprise, I heard the dulcet tones of Dan McCoy.

[41:39] He was apparently the guest on a podcast called Beginnings.

[41:43] The Earwolf Challenge involves the reality television style voting off of one of ten podcast entries

[41:48] each week based on a challenge that they were given.

[41:51] This week's challenge was about the best introduction, a seemingly important challenge.

[41:55] Always lead on a strong foot, people say.

[41:57] Beginnings led with the strong foot of Dan McCoy doing his patented silly voices.

[42:02] Well, but.

[42:03] Floating as Anne, and needless to say, Beginnings was crushed immediately and without mercy,

[42:07] along with the judges pointing out how confident they were that this was the perfect choice for expulsion.

[42:12] Oh.

[42:12] This amused me to no end that Dan lost a contest he didn't enter.

[42:16] This crushing defeat is sure to elicit a mournful sigh from Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[42:19] It's just another moment from Dan's Charlie Brown-esque life.

Dan McCoy

[42:24] P.S. This email seems harsh.

[42:25] I just wanted to let you know that the Floppers is great and Earwolf Challenge is not, so keep it up.

[42:28] This blow to Dan was probably just some nefarious plot by their sister podcast, How Did This Get Made?

[42:34] And I, by delivering this news, was merely a pawn in this great game between podcast rivals.

Elliott Kalan

[42:39] Ah, the great game, yes.

Dan McCoy

[42:40] Um, well, you know, this is the beginnings podcast.

[42:43] Yeah, I thought something was up with.

[42:43] You were also on this podcast in the past.

Stuart Wellington

[42:46] I thought something was up with Dan.

[42:48] He seemed kind of down.

Elliott Kalan

[42:49] Yeah, that's...

[42:50] Unlike normal, Dan seemed like he was sighing a lot, drinking.

[42:54] Sure.

[42:54] Didn't have that joie de vivre that we know Dan to have.

[42:57] It's all because of this email.

[42:59] Yeah.

[42:59] Uh, beginnings is a nice podcast, a good podcast, run by a couple of very good guys about people,

[43:06] like comedians, how they got their start, I guess.

[43:08] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[43:08] Mark, Mark, uh, Bissy, or Bissy, I don't know how to say his last name.

[43:12] I just know how to write it.

[43:13] And Andrew Beckerman.

[43:14] Good guys.

[43:15] Good podcast.

[43:16] I'll tell you something.

[43:17] The Earwolf Challenge is a run...

[43:19] I've never heard of that.

[43:20] I don't know what it is.

[43:21] Uh, Earwolf is, uh, Scott Aukerman's, um, podcast Empire.

[43:25] He started off with comedy Death Ray, now comedy Bang Bang, and there's a lot of podcasts under

[43:30] that, uh, title, including, uh, How Did This Get Made?

[43:34] I'm so glad I don't pay attention to podcasts.

[43:36] Yeah.

[43:36] But, um...

[43:37] I'll stick with comic books, a dying medium.

[43:38] Well, here's what I have to say about this.

[43:39] The Earwolf Challenge was, uh, run by one Matt Besser, and this is, this will not be

[43:44] the first time Matt Besser has shit on something I was involved in, and, uh...

[43:49] Was it on Saturday Night Rewritten?

[43:50] Yeah.

[43:51] And my, and my, my career has gone fine since then, and so will, uh, to the careers of the

[43:57] Beginnings Podcast, uh, gentlemen.

Elliott Kalan

[43:58] You're saying that losing this podcast contest was, is not...

[44:02] Is not the worst thing that will ever...

[44:04] It's not going to throw an obstacle into a career.

[44:06] Yeah.

[44:06] Oh, good.

[44:07] Because I was worried that I lived in a world that was insane.

[44:11] If losing a podcast contest...

[44:13] Absurd.

[44:13] Upside out.

[44:14] If it's irreparably hard somebody's life...

[44:16] Yeah.

[44:17] ...then I would probably get on a rocket ship to Mars tomorrow, or kill myself.

[44:23] Um...

[44:24] Luckily, taking a rocket ship to Mars would not kill you.

[44:27] Oh, no.

[44:27] I'd get superpowers of some kind.

[44:29] You saw the Watchmen movie.

[44:30] You go to Mars and you get superpowers.

[44:32] Yeah.

[44:32] That's what happens, right?

[44:34] Wait, what?

[44:34] And you may...

Dan McCoy

[44:35] So I'm going to do one last, uh, email for now.

Elliott Kalan

[44:39] So do we, how do we enter a podcast contest so we can win it?

[44:42] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:42] We should pick something we're really good at, like throwing.

[44:44] Well, we can't.

[44:44] I mean...

[44:45] You know, that doesn't have anything to do with being in a podcast, though.

Stuart Wellington

[44:49] Yeah, but I mean...

[44:50] I bet we're better at throwing stuff than other people who make podcasts.

[44:54] Sure.

[44:54] Except for, like, a shot put podcast.

Dan McCoy

[44:56] Yeah.

[44:57] I don't know if I'd be very good on a throwing team, though.

[44:59] Okay, then what would you be good at?

Elliott Kalan

[45:01] Well, yeah, what would you be?

[45:02] Because you're the weak link, obviously.

Dan McCoy

[45:04] I'll, uh...

[45:04] I'll draw cartoons, and you can throw something.

[45:08] Okay.

[45:08] And Elliot will, uh...

[45:10] So it's like a relay?

[45:11] Tell us facts about U.S. history.

Elliott Kalan

[45:12] There you go.

[45:12] Okay.

[45:13] So it's like a relay.

[45:13] It's like a relay.

[45:14] Yeah.

[45:15] One of those throwing, drawing U.S. history contests.

[45:19] Speaking of which, I was very unhappy because your wife pointed out to me that while I was

[45:23] out of town, there was the relay race, the Battle of Brooklyn relay race in Brooklyn

[45:28] to commemorate the largest battle of the Revolutionary War, which happened right in our backyard,

[45:32] and I was out of town, so the three of us couldn't do it, because I know you guys wanted

[45:35] to do a relay race with me.

Stuart Wellington

[45:37] Well, I mean, I'd be okay at the race part.

Dan McCoy

[45:40] I mean, of the three of us, but I do run.

[45:44] I have run.

[45:45] Of the three of us, I think they do.

[45:47] Yeah, you run to go get...

[45:48] Then I know a bunch about the Battle of Brooklyn.

[45:51] It was August 27th, 1776.

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] This is not a history test.

[45:56] What was the weather like?

[45:57] At the edge of what's now, I don't remember, at the edge of what's now Greenwood Cemetery,

[46:01] a number of British soldiers were foraging for watermelons.

Dan McCoy

[46:04] Listeners, write in.

[46:05] This is getting pretty good.

[46:06] Tell how little you're interested in talking about the Battle of Brooklyn.

[46:11] The first American War.

[46:12] Okay, so what's this last...

[46:13] I'm going to do a final email before we get into our recommendations.

[46:16] Final email.

[46:17] Final email.

[46:18] This is from John Last Name Withheld, and it's about the last episode.

Elliott Kalan

[46:23] Is his last name Smith?

[46:25] Because then I think it's an alias.

Dan McCoy

[46:26] Yeah, it could be.

[46:27] But this is about the Flophouse Bloopers and Practical Jokes episode.

Elliott Kalan

[46:30] Not a lot of practical jokes in that episode.

[46:33] Or Sergio Aragone's cartoons.

Dan McCoy

[46:35] It's a shame.

[46:37] If we could have gotten him, man, that would have been awesome.

[46:39] I think we could have gotten him.

[46:41] Let's look into it for next time, guys.

[46:43] Get on that, Stuart.

[46:44] He's probably working on Gru.

Elliott Kalan

[46:46] He's probably working on Gru, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[46:49] From that magazine.

[46:51] So John says, my favorite part was when the radio background, no longer content with its current

[46:57] level of distraction, decided to drop all pretense and just start playing air horns.

[47:02] Example, around 1120.

[47:04] So, yep, I listened to it, and that is accurate.

Elliott Kalan

[47:10] So you're saying maybe this was a pirate broadcast that was just trying to get in the way.

Dan McCoy

[47:14] I mean, you know, a lot of hits are putting air horns in nowadays.

[47:18] Oh, yeah, kids love air horns.

[47:19] The musical quality of an air horn.

[47:22] Yeah, it's jarring.

[47:24] It gets your attention.

[47:25] It's got a nice tomber.

Elliott Kalan

[47:27] Tomber?

[47:28] What?

[47:28] Yeah.

[47:29] Yeah.

[47:30] It's a timber.

[47:31] No, not timber.

[47:31] It's like when you cut a tree down.

[47:32] When you talk about it.

[47:33] Timber!

Dan McCoy

[47:34] The tone, the musical tone is...

[47:36] That's toneber.

[47:37] Wait, tamber.

[47:38] Tamber is actually...

[47:39] Tambramblin, yeah.

[47:40] Sorry.

[47:42] So, um...

[47:43] Starlet, Tambramblin.

[47:44] So, what's next, guys?

[47:46] I did it.

[47:47] I did it before Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[47:50] I laughed you.

Stuart Wellington

[47:51] Tell me the story about this battle of Brooklyn or something.

Elliott Kalan

[47:54] This is a part...

[47:55] A small skirmish between American guards and the British regulars.

[47:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:59] This is the part of the podcast where we recommend...

Elliott Kalan

[48:02] You're not even going to let me get to Lord Sterling's Maryland regiment and its sacrificial charge at the old stone house.

[48:07] Maybe I'll fade you out.

Dan McCoy

[48:09] You can...

[48:10] At the end of the episode, you can...

[48:11] All right.

[48:11] It's an amazing story.

Elliott Kalan

[48:13] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[48:13] So, this is where we recommend something that we actually love for us.

[48:19] In case you don't want to watch three hours of a story about a singing millionaire.

[48:24] I don't know why you wouldn't.

[48:26] But, uh...

[48:26] What...

Elliott Kalan

[48:27] What's something you may have seen?

[48:28] He didn't...

[48:28] Like, he barely spent money on anything in this movie.

[48:30] It wasn't like...

[48:31] You expect it to be like Arthur.

[48:32] Yeah.

[48:33] Or something like that.

[48:33] Where the guy's just spending money stupidly on crazy things.

[48:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:36] Like he's got a solid gold car.

[48:38] Yeah.

[48:38] Exactly.

[48:39] Or a solid gold hat.

[48:41] He plays tennis with a giant diamond or something.

[48:44] A giant diamond.

Dan McCoy

[48:45] Or solid gold hits.

Elliott Kalan

[48:47] Yeah.

[48:48] Because it's Quincy Jones.

[48:49] Yeah.

[48:49] He's the happiest millionaire.

Dan McCoy

[48:51] He probably is.

[48:52] I mean, you know, he got married to Peggy Lipton.

[48:55] He's got all those hits.

[48:55] Heir to the Lipton's Icy fortune.

[48:57] Sure.

[48:59] Stuart, anything you want to do?

[49:00] His daughter is a successful actress.

[49:01] Yeah.

[49:01] Lovely woman in her own right.

[49:03] Okay.

[49:03] Don't get creepy.

[49:04] What?

[49:05] She's pretty.

[49:06] Don't get creepy.

[49:06] Stop.

[49:07] She's physically, like you cannot object.

[49:09] Do not bring her butt up.

Elliott Kalan

[49:11] Okay?

Dan McCoy

[49:13] Stuart, have you ever heard this before?

[49:15] It's kind of fucking creepy, right?

Stuart Wellington

[49:16] Of course.

Elliott Kalan

[49:17] She's a lovely woman.

[49:18] Can we taste the way we sit when we do this?

Dan McCoy

[49:20] I want to be as far from Dan as possible.

[49:22] And I don't want him to see my behalf.

[49:24] I'm not making any lewd suggestions about her.

[49:26] I'm just saying.

[49:27] It's all in your countenance.

[49:28] Objectively.

Stuart Wellington

[49:29] It's in your countenance.

[49:30] Yeah.

[49:30] It's all lewd.

[49:31] It's in your tombra or whatever you said.

[49:33] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:34] Stuart, are you going to recommend something?

Stuart Wellington

[49:35] I am going to recommend something, Dan.

[49:37] First off, Steve.

[49:40] You know the guy who wrote in?

[49:40] You're going to recommend the name Steve.

[49:41] No, no, no.

[49:42] That guy, Steve, who wrote in.

[49:43] I want to say you were right.

[49:46] I Saw the Devil was great.

[49:47] Thank you.

Dan McCoy

[49:48] James was his actual name.

[49:50] Steve was the name that you called him by.

[49:51] You think everyone is named Steve?

[49:52] No, it's okay.

[49:53] All right.

[49:54] So that was great.

[49:56] Thank you.

Stuart Wellington

[49:56] Thank you.

[49:57] The movie I'm going to recommend is a movie called The Collector, which is...

[50:03] The Terrence Stamp, that one?

[50:04] No.

[50:05] Wow.

[50:06] The premise of this movie is that there's a character who's like a thief who's been casing

[50:12] this nice, rich house.

[50:14] And he ends up kind of having to break in when he thinks his family's gone.

[50:20] Little does he know, there's also a serial killer has been casing this house.

[50:25] And he, when the thief goes in to break in...

[50:27] So it's a low concept movie is what you're saying.

[50:29] It's like a life.

[50:30] Yeah, yeah.

[50:31] But it...

[50:31] Cinema Verde.

[50:32] It was cool to see.

[50:35] It was cool how they made an attempt to actually spend some time on the geography of the house.

[50:40] And it's also nice to see a movie where you have like this horrible, wacky serial killer

[50:45] who's tracking somebody who actually is skilled at evasion and like not being heard.

[50:51] So, and it's pretty gory and there's some gross stuff in there.

[50:55] So if you like that stuff...

[50:56] It's called The Collector.

[50:57] The Collector.

[50:58] Do you have to say that?

[50:59] Rated R.

[50:59] The Collector.

Elliott Kalan

[51:01] Playing at...

[51:02] Stuart's House.

[51:04] Lowe's Union Square.

[51:06] 3-15.

[51:08] 4-15.

[51:09] Regal Ewok.

[51:11] Regal Ewok?

[51:12] Like King of the Ewoks?

[51:13] Yep.

[51:13] Chief Jerba.

[51:16] So now he's going to have CGI eyes.

[51:17] So that'll be nice.

[51:19] Elliot.

[51:19] They'll probably be purple.

[51:20] Are you going next?

[51:21] Yeah, you go next.

[51:22] I think I will recommend...

[51:24] I haven't seen a lot of movies lately.

[51:27] I was out of town for about a week and I didn't see any movies along that time.

[51:30] But before I left, I finally watched Sugar Land Express, which I'd never seen before.

[51:36] That's a good one.

[51:37] And I really liked it a lot.

[51:38] And it shows you a different direction Spielberg could have gone in if he hadn't become like

[51:43] kind of this blockbuster director.

[51:45] And I enjoyed it a lot.

[51:46] And I've overlooked it for a long time because it's one of the forgotten movies in his filmography.

[51:51] But it was really good.

Dan McCoy

[51:54] And I went last because I too have been out of town and have not watched any movies.

[51:59] And I don't really have any movies.

Elliott Kalan

[52:01] So you desperately...

[52:02] You thought I would give you another 30 seconds to buy time.

Dan McCoy

[52:04] I saw Arthur on the Plane.

[52:07] Speaking of Arthur, the Arthur remake.

[52:09] Was that the sequel to Snakes on a Plane?

[52:11] Arthur on a Plane?

[52:12] Which...

[52:13] I mean, that's a movie I would recommend watching on a plane.

[52:16] Like, I don't think it was that great in general.

[52:18] But there were some parts that were good.

[52:19] Our buddy John Hodgman.

[52:21] Not really our buddy, but someone that we've talked to.

[52:24] Yeah, not my buddy.

[52:26] Although he's a lovely man.

[52:27] He's a very nice person.

[52:28] He was very mean to me most of the time.

[52:31] But he had a funny couple of scenes in it.

[52:33] He showed up.

[52:34] I was delighted to see that.

[52:35] But I don't really have much to say.

[52:37] I did watch...

[52:39] I did go and see Avenue Q off-Broadway last night.

[52:41] Is he going to recommend a movie?

Stuart Wellington

[52:44] If you live in New York.

[52:45] I want to recommend this joke my friend told me.

[52:47] Like, you live in New York.

Elliott Kalan

[52:49] I had a good sandwich the other day.

[52:51] Maybe you should eat that.

[52:52] Speaking of...

[52:53] These shoes are comfortable.

Dan McCoy

[52:56] Now, in lieu of a recommendation, I'd like to do a plug, actually, for a friend.

Elliott Kalan

[53:00] Oh, I'll do a plug when you're done.

Dan McCoy

[53:02] I went to see Avenue Q in part because my friend Rob Morrison,

[53:06] who I used to be in a sketch group with,

[53:08] is now in Avenue Q off-Broadway playing multiple characters.

[53:13] And he also has a rock band called The Hollows.

[53:17] And he put out an album recently, which was very good.

[53:21] I bought it.

[53:22] Google The Hollows.

[53:25] Belong to the Earth, I believe is the name of the album.

[53:27] And I would recommend it.

[53:29] You can go to the website and listen to a couple of tracks.

[53:32] See if you like it.

[53:33] All right.

[53:35] What, Ali?

[53:36] You're rolling your eyes at me over there.

[53:37] I didn't roll my eyes.

Elliott Kalan

[53:38] I nodded my head in a condescending manner.

[53:40] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[53:40] Yeah.

[53:41] Completely different.

[53:42] What did you want to plug?

Elliott Kalan

[53:43] I want to plug my next movie screening.

[53:45] Do it.

[53:45] If this is up in time, it's going to be Wednesday, the 7th of September.

[53:48] Yeah.

[53:48] At 7.30 p.m. at 92 at Tribeca, I'm showing Shadow of a Doubt, one of my favorite movies of all time and my favorite Hitchcock movie.

[53:55] And one that is not given the credit it deserves as his first masterpiece film, I think.

[54:01] And comedian and Daily Show producer Rory Albanese will be joining us after the movie to talk about it.

[54:07] He's never seen it, and we'll see what he thinks of it.

[54:10] But it's a really great movie.

[54:11] Yeah.

[54:12] Joseph Cotton, Teresa Wright, Hume Cronin's film debut, Patricia Collins.

Dan McCoy

[54:17] And Rory is very funny.

[54:19] If you are a podcast listener, you would know him as The American from The Bugle Podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[54:24] That's right.

[54:25] He plays The American on The Bugle if you're a podcast listener.

[54:28] Well, I'm not saying.

[54:29] He's like a billion podcasts.

Dan McCoy

[54:30] No, but I bet if you're – I'm saying that if you're listening to this, perhaps you're a fan of the venue, the medium of podcasting.

Elliott Kalan

[54:38] But he does play The American on The Bugle.

Dan McCoy

[54:40] So come on out to that.

[54:42] In the meantime –

[54:43] Please do.

[54:43] It'll be fun.

[54:45] So, Elliot, get ready to keep telling your story.

[54:48] Okay.

[54:49] Which I will then fade out.

[54:50] But I've been Dan McCoy.

[54:51] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[54:53] And this is the Battle of Brooklyn, August 27th, 1776.

[54:58] America's forces have gathered in the borough of Brooklyn, then its own city.

[55:01] I guess it was called Flatbush or whatever at the time.

Dan McCoy

[55:04] The British soldiers are advancing.

Stuart Wellington

[55:09] I don't remember any of the songs.

Elliott Kalan

[55:11] There was the one about no shillishallying, no dilly-dallying, doot-dot-deet-dot-doo.

Stuart Wellington

[55:17] I'm going to go to China right now.

[55:19] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[55:20] And the fortuosity, da-da-dee-da-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee-da-dee.

Stuart Wellington

[55:25] Fortuosity.

[55:25] You've got that fortuosity.

Dan McCoy

[55:27] Now, again, you're singing The Bear's Necessities.

Elliott Kalan

[55:30] There's that one about chim-chimmery, chim-chimmery, chim-chimmery, chim-chimmery,

[55:34] chim-chimmery, chim-chimmery, chim-chimmery.

[55:35] No.

Dan McCoy

[55:36] Mary Poppins.

[55:37] No.

[55:37] What about...

Stuart Wellington

[55:38] Scooby-doo-bop-bop-boop-ba-doo-da-ba-doo.

Dan McCoy

[55:41] That's just a scat version of In The Mood.

Stuart Wellington

[55:46] Scooby-doo-bop.

[55:47] Boo-boo-boo-boo-boo-boo.

[55:49] Burner.

Dan McCoy

[55:50] That's the night court theme.

The Flop House: Episode #86 - The Happiest Millionaire

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