The Flop House: Episode #86 - The Happiest Millionaire

[0:00] Following delays, planned and unplanned, we're back with our Flophouse Honors the Troops episode, where we discuss The Happiest Millionaire.

[0:31] Hey everyone, and welcome back to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:39] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:40] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] We're back, coming at you from Hurricane Alley.

[0:44] Back again.

[0:45] Wait, did you just come up with that, Dan?

[0:47] Yep, that's all me.

[0:49] Okay.

[0:50] No one has ever said a natural disaster and then put the word alley behind it before.

[0:55] Nope, never. Kate and, and then put the word alley after it.

[0:58] Sure, certainly. A hit television show of many years, but never Hurricane Alley.

[1:03] And Crime Alley that exists.

[1:06] Enough shilly-shallying and dilly-dallying, guys.

[1:10] Okay. Yeah, we had some technical difficulties.

[1:14] Yeah.

[1:15] Yeah.

[1:16] I purchased some new cords.

[1:17] And they look great on you.

[1:19] Uh-huh. I put on my new corduroy pants, and then I purchased some new wires for the podcast.

[1:26] Okay.

[1:27] And...

[1:28] Wait, why?

[1:29] Because we were getting hacked. Not hacked, but it was like a pirate radio station, say.

[1:35] Was it a pirate radio station?

[1:36] No, I don't think so.

[1:37] I think it was just a radio radio station.

[1:38] I think it was a radio radio station.

[1:40] A law-abiding radio station.

[1:41] It was radio radio, as Elvis Costello would say.

[1:44] It was the radio station that only plays the soundtrack from the movie Radio, starring Cuba Gooding Jr.

[1:49] Yep.

[1:50] But...

[1:51] Radio Flyer?

[1:52] Yeah, yeah, Radio Flyer.

[1:54] Uh-huh.

[1:55] Can we get a new guy to play Stuart?

[1:58] Stuart works for Pancakes.

[2:01] Pancakes?

[2:02] Yep, cakes made in the shape of pants.

[2:05] So, I am on fire today.

[2:09] Yeah, so we were trying to do a show last time.

[2:13] We watched Beastly.

[2:14] We were all psyched about Beastly. You loved it, Elliot, right?

[2:16] I thought it was one of the top ten movies of the never.

[2:20] Okay.

[2:21] It was never good in any way.

[2:22] Yeah.

[2:24] So, we watched that, but then it all fucked up, right?

[2:27] Well, halfway through, Stuart, who usually pays no attention to such things...

[2:30] I thought it was Elliot.

[2:31] No, it was me.

[2:32] Oh, okay.

[2:33] Yeah, who doesn't pay attention to stuff, J.M.?

[2:36] Come on.

[2:37] Joke's on you.

[2:38] We sound completely different.

[2:39] Elliot noticed that the levels were going all over the place.

[2:42] Yeah, they were all up in there.

[2:44] Uh-huh.

[2:45] And so, we turned it off.

[2:47] Most of the levels were really high, even though we weren't saying anything.

[2:49] Like, during pauses, the levels would be really high.

[2:52] Which, I know you're thinking, you guys watch Beastly, you probably couldn't stop talking.

[2:56] But, no, there were a lot of pauses.

[2:58] Surprisingly enough, and not just the kind of pause you'd find on a Beast.

[3:03] Yeah.

[3:04] And, yeah.

[3:05] Hard history.

[3:06] I like it.

[3:07] Apparently, some of the shielding in the mic cables was stripped or something.

[3:12] You don't need to bore me with the technical details there, Professor.

[3:15] Well, it's how...

[3:18] Let's go to the joke master.

[3:19] Remember, Stuart, how your braces used to pick up radio signals?

[3:24] My braces?

[3:25] Yeah.

[3:26] You being a racist, you used to listen to that white power radio signal.

[3:29] Oh, my braces.

[3:30] Yeah.

[3:31] Okay.

[3:32] Panzer radio.

[3:33] Sure.

[3:34] It's like that.

[3:35] I don't know.

[3:36] I had braces for years, and they never picked up radio signals.

[3:37] Maybe I'm thinking of the kill again.

[3:38] I think you're thinking of something that never happened.

[3:41] But we're back, baby.

[3:43] Yeah.

[3:44] And badder than ever.

[3:45] Yeah.

[3:46] And this time, it's personal.

[3:49] And this time, we have the window open, so you may hear...

[3:52] So you might have heard that motorcycle and think we were farting.

[3:54] No, that was a motorcycle outside.

[3:56] Yeah.

[3:57] That's one of those things where I'm sure we can hear it, but it doesn't pick up on the recording.

[4:00] Wait, when we fart?

[4:02] Well, no, that motorcycle outside.

[4:03] And people listening...

[4:04] We hear sirens.

[4:05] I've heard sirens actually on the recording before, but...

[4:08] But not our farting.

[4:09] That's because we're so hot.

[4:10] Because it'll be a hot riff.

[4:12] Because the heat is on.

[4:14] It's on the street.

[4:17] So, we watched a movie today, right?

[4:20] Stuart, for once, being the slave driver here.

[4:22] All Stuart's saying, no shilly-shallying, no dilly-dallying.

[4:25] Like the lead character, not really, of the movie.

[4:27] Yeah, let's talk about this.

[4:29] This was a special request.

[4:30] This was a special request.

[4:31] This is from four lieutenants, last name withheld, in Iraq.

[4:35] One of our boys overseas.

[4:37] We made an offer.

[4:39] He couldn't refuse.

[4:40] We said, give us three movies.

[4:42] In 30 minutes or less.

[4:44] We'll pick one, and we'll do a show about it.

[4:47] I'm going to finish every sentence you make.

[4:49] He and his wife sent a request email a while ago.

[4:52] And you, instead of reading the email, just...

[4:54] Ignored it.

[4:55] Ignored it, right.

[4:56] I don't care for our listeners.

[4:58] Have you added them to your spam filter?

[5:00] Sure.

[5:01] I said, unsubscribe.

[5:03] Which is weird to say to just an email that someone wrote to you.

[5:06] It's not a list.

[5:07] Did you just say that to your computer, or did you...

[5:10] It was like in Star Trek IV.

[5:12] I picked up the mouse.

[5:13] I don't know why I'm using a mouse, because I've got a trackpad.

[5:15] But I picked it up, and I said, computer, unsubscribe.

[5:18] That's not how I work, Dan.

[5:21] Wait, so when you talk to the computer, you're more flamboyant?

[5:24] Computer, close window.

[5:27] That was my impression of James Doohan in Star Trek IV.

[5:30] You sounded like Frank Nelson.

[5:32] Hello, computer.

[5:34] I crack my knuckles like he does in the movie.

[5:36] You really know Star Trek IV.

[5:38] I've got to say.

[5:40] It's a classic scene.

[5:41] All the movies didn't know the scenes that well.

[5:43] Star Trek IV is not one of them.

[5:45] I'm just looking for the nuclear vessels in Alameda.

[5:48] It's the one where they go to Wales.

[5:50] It's called Star Trek IV, The Rainy Vacation.

[5:53] The quest for vowels.

[5:56] They went to the wrong place.

[5:58] So instead, what's your last name with Hell?

[6:01] Star Trek IV, Irritable Vowel Syndrome.

[6:04] Man, you still got it.

[6:06] Just because I'm on break for over a week.

[6:08] The jokes don't stop.

[6:10] They just irritate people more because you're not getting paid for them.

[6:12] You better believe it.

[6:13] Could you not make these jokes?

[6:15] You're just a human being in regular life.

[6:17] Bad is when I throw the sound bites and the sound bite doesn't play.

[6:21] Yeah.

[6:23] So we were given a couple of options.

[6:27] You asked him if he had any requests for movies we could watch.

[6:31] We could watch, and we didn't do a couple of them.

[6:36] We settled on the third.

[6:38] Stewart and I, you had seen it, right?

[6:41] I know I had seen Splice.

[6:43] Did you see Splice?

[6:44] No, I haven't seen Splice.

[6:45] I've seen Splice.

[6:46] And I have to admit, again, did not hate Splice.

[6:49] And what was the other choice?

[6:51] The other choice was a direct-to-DVD thing of recent vintage.

[6:54] I can't remember.

[6:55] It just looked like your average romantic comedy.

[6:57] So we settled on the most challenging of the three.

[7:00] Oh, by far.

[7:01] Which was a 1960s Disney live-action musical.

[7:06] Nearly three hours long, something like two hours and 53 minutes.

[7:11] That includes intermission and overture, though.

[7:14] Yeah, but the intermission was only like two minutes long.

[7:16] Yeah, the overture was about a minute and a half.

[7:18] So let's say the actual action of the film is two hours and 40 minutes,

[7:22] because those are short overtures and intermissions.

[7:24] And what was the name of this movie, Dan?

[7:26] It was called The Happiest Millionaire.

[7:28] So this is one of those classic Disney musicals.

[7:30] Everyone's seen it, right up there with Mary Poppins and Pete's Dragon

[7:33] and The 120 Days of Sallow.

[7:36] I think you're misremembering.

[7:39] That's the Disney musical version of Sallow, The 120 Days of Sodom.

[7:42] Sure.

[7:46] No, this is a forgotten piece of Disney lore.

[7:49] Now, is it rightfully forgotten?

[7:51] Oh, God, yes.

[7:53] Despite starring Fred McMurray, live-action Disney mainstay,

[8:00] and Greer Garson,

[8:02] a young Leslie Ann Warren in her first role.

[8:05] A lesbian Ann Warren.

[8:06] No.

[8:07] Is she a lesbian?

[8:08] Well, I don't know.

[8:09] Because her name sounds kind of like she is.

[8:11] Like a lesbian.

[8:12] Yeah.

[8:13] Thanks, Stuart, for clarifying.

[8:16] I figured if I backed you up on this, Dan might agree.

[8:19] I appreciate it.

[8:20] I don't think so.

[8:21] And this was, according to Wikipedia,

[8:22] this was the last movie Walt Disney had any hand in at Disney because he died.

[8:25] He died in the middle of it.

[8:27] He died, I assume, while watching it because it's about 30 hours long.

[8:32] And what's weird is that it's based on a true story.

[8:37] A true story that sounds much more interesting than anything that's on screen.

[8:41] It turns out there was this man.

[8:43] I'm going to have to resort to Wikipedia to remind me of some of the details.

[8:46] It turns out there was a man named Anthony J. Drexel Biddle.

[8:49] He was a Philadelphia millionaire who was obsessed with muscular Christianity and boxing

[8:54] and hand-to-hand combat, and he kept alligators as pets.

[8:57] And he's kind of this eccentric Philadelphia millionaire.

[8:59] That sounds like that would make a really interesting movie.

[9:01] Yeah, he was a boxing enthusiast.

[9:03] He trained the Marines in hand-to-hand fighting during World War I and World War II.

[9:07] Really interesting stuff.

[9:08] So how much of that was on screen during the three hours running time?

[9:12] Well, I mean, those elements were there.

[9:14] Yeah, he did have alligators, and he did occasionally box people.

[9:17] Yeah, but most of the film was about his daughter's boring romance with Blandy Blanderson.

[9:22] Yeah, it took place in 1916.

[9:24] Well, it opens with an Irish guy, played by Tommy Steele, singing about how great life is, basically.

[9:30] He sings a song called Fortuosity.

[9:32] Yeah, he made that word up, right?

[9:34] Sometimes things just fall into place.

[9:36] He's made up a word, fortuosity, but there is a word for that, serendipity.

[9:40] So why bother make up a new word?

[9:42] But that's besides the point.

[9:43] He gets a butling job at the Biddle estate and then disappears for long periods of the movie,

[9:49] even though, in theory, I guess he's supposed to be the narrator and hero.

[9:53] Yeah, I don't know.

[9:54] I mean, it's hard to say who the main character of this film is.

[9:57] It's an ensemble work, yeah.

[10:00] solace is that everyone is pretty much equally bored

[10:03] but redrick murray is this crazy millionaire

[10:06] uh... and his daughter falls in love with i mean what what makes you think

[10:09] he's crazy though well he's an alligator for pets

[10:13] he's obsessed with boxing continue and the bible he runs a bible camp in his

[10:17] house okay

[10:18] he's obsessed with pushing uh... american into the war

[10:21] yes and i think

[10:23] that is is a raison d'etre

[10:25] disney almost exclusively

[10:27] chocolate cake or something in the beginning this is on a chocolate cake

[10:30] diet all of that goes out the window and we never see me chocolate cake yeah

[10:34] uh... and

[10:36] his daughter falls in love with the young that sign on of the new york

[10:40] business family

[10:41] but he dreams and jimmy and and jimmy's man and he is the guy

[10:46] and the girl's name is steve

[10:48] we want to know if it was his

[10:50] uh... cordelia

[10:51] uh... they call it corny

[10:53] uh...

[10:54] they do

[10:55] i mean that's what i call her

[10:57] yeah but anyway because she's like a cord of wood

[11:00] yeah i mean that's that's the association

[11:04] horrible thing to say about somebody

[11:06] but uh... leslie ann warren looked lovely and she went on to a great career in other

[11:10] films

[11:11] what else did she do

[11:13] uh... well i mean i guess she's most known for she was on the she was on the

[11:16] television show taxi

[11:18] taxi driver the show no the show taxi travis buckel kills a different guy

[11:21] no the one taxi with andy kaufman and danny devito

[11:25] jed hirsch uh... christopher lowe dc cab i thought that was rhea perlman

[11:31] now you're thinking of rhea perlman you're thinking of the bin you keep your pearls in

[11:35] yeah yeah that's what i said

[11:37] also leslie ann warren was in uh... the movie clue

[11:40] as miss scarlet

[11:42] okay uh... right right right right right

[11:45] yeah a uh... pretty lady

[11:47] here uh... not much

[11:50] not much well i mean there's a lot of singing and dancing she falls in love with

[11:53] a guy who wants to be going to the automobile business but his mother

[11:58] uh... says no

[11:59] yeah he sings a song about how he wants to go to detroit

[12:02] yeah detroit is where the only song of its own

[12:05] i think he refers to it as the golden city

[12:08] uh... the past is hilarious

[12:10] well but this movie was made in the sixties when detroit was like riding

[12:14] high basically

[12:16] they had no idea that people would watch this movie again forty four years later

[12:20] and be like

[12:21] well detroit that's a shithole that hellscape

[12:25] oh my god the place that might be putting up a statue of the robot cop

[12:30] that trod its post-apocalyptic soil they're not going to put up that statue

[12:34] by the way stewart i'm sorry to say

[12:36] i'm still trying to get over that

[12:38] so was he trying to go to detroit? that's all detroit has to be proud of

[12:41] was he going to detroit so he could test his mettle against an army of chuds and biker gangs?

[12:45] no so he could make his

[12:47] his name in the automobile business which at that point was just starting to

[12:50] get really big

[12:51] uh... but the mother of his mother is very condescending to the biddles

[12:55] and does not approve of the car plan

[12:57] he's a millionaire right?

[13:00] yes the marriage is briefly broken up

[13:02] uh... then

[13:03] the butler saves the day by

[13:05] getting the young man into a bar fight

[13:08] and everything's okay having him arrested so he can't leave town

[13:11] they go to prison everything's okay he gets bailed out and

[13:14] the end yeah the guy learns to defy his mother and go off to detroit and be

[13:19] his own man in detroit and mister biddle

[13:21] uh... in a last-minute day ex machina based in true story

[13:24] uh... is asked by the marines to become a captain in the marines and train the

[13:28] marines in hand-to-hand combat

[13:29] yeah as as as america is entering the war now that's the end of the movie so

[13:33] just as the movie got interesting

[13:35] the movie is over but that's

[13:36] also a very simple story does that story sound like it should be three hours long

[13:41] no no

[13:42] not at all but i mean the beautiful

[13:45] just the beautiful production design the the the sterling booth

[13:49] just spectacle the pure spectacle of it right guys a three hour disney musical they had money

[13:54] a disney musical

[13:55] that has maybe three locations

[13:57] for most of its running time the living room

[14:00] the other living room and the boxing room

[14:04] there's a crocodile room occasionally alligator room

[14:06] yeah alligators are found in a different part of the world

[14:09] i'm thinking of rocket crocodile in the world of tomorrow

[14:13] all america can't stop thinking about rocket crocodile in the world of tomorrow

[14:18] elliot please

[14:19] it's inspiration it has to come to me

[14:24] but yeah he has alligators for pets and they really

[14:27] take a long time before they show you these alligators they talk about them a lot

[14:30] i expected it was going to be like norm's wife or something from cheers

[14:35] you're going to hear about them all the time but you're never going to see them

[14:38] no but they actually had alligators they were just holding out on them

[14:42] they wait like an hour before you see them

[14:45] yeah that this is going to sound awesome but it's not

[14:48] but the alligators are in tanks that get frozen into ice

[14:51] so they have alligators in blocks of ice that they're thawing out in front of a

[14:54] living room fireplace

[14:55] the alligators get loose and are chasing the maid everywhere chasing the cook

[14:59] everywhere

[14:59] there's alligators all over the place and tommy steel has people are tossing alligators

[15:03] to each other they're throwing alligators at each other i think they're like caimans or something

[15:06] yeah they're really small

[15:07] but uh...

[15:08] but then tommy steel is dancing around an alligator as he as he pulls along with a

[15:12] leash and the alligator it's edited as if the alligator is supposed to be high

[15:15] stepping with him

[15:16] and

[15:17] this sounds great to describe it like an alligator dance number yeah awesome

[15:21] but no it's terrible

[15:22] i mean it's better than large other swaths of the movie oh by far it's the best thing in the movie

[15:28] if we were going to edit this movie down that's one of the pieces we would probably keep

[15:32] yeah we'd keep maybe do some slow motion alligator dancing if you ask me

[15:36] keep the alligator scene uh... there's a scene where fred mcmurray beats up a marine

[15:40] that's kind of fun that's about a minute and a half uh... there's a long bar fight scene

[15:45] that could be cut by at least two-thirds but uh... well he was right out of pete's dragon

[15:50] there's a lot of scenes where characters will just be like

[15:53] but that's when i do this what

[15:55] but what they

[15:56] like people being shocked at things that are not very shocking like the idea of boxing

[16:02] well i mean we gotta put ourselves in a mindset apparently he was uh... he was a

[16:05] pioneer in terms of getting boxing to be socially acceptable yeah but then

[16:09] show us that like don't just

[16:11] yeah there's a real

[16:13] uh... there's a lot of dead air a lot of dead air in this movie as i was saying to elliot it's like

[16:18] you know you there's this idea out there that a story has to have a reason to be

[16:22] told and

[16:24] this film uh... may have had a reason at the beginning

[16:28] but it seems to have lost it along the way this is maybe the most meandering

[16:32] studio movie i've ever seen like if john sales had made this movie i'd understand why it was

[16:37] meandering or like

[16:38] Wong Kar Wai but it's

[16:40] this is this is a

[16:41] Walt Disney live-action musical

[16:44] and it's just kind of like well let's sit here for a while there are several ways you could

[16:47] have approached the story and made it

[16:49] somewhat interesting and we were talking about how

[16:51] like it could have been interesting to make the butler a cartoon right

[16:55] make him like a cartoon penguin yeah yeah but if the butler was like

[16:58] the clever uh... immigrant butler who had to save his wacky millionaire uh...

[17:04] employee employers

[17:06] uh... like through his they get themselves into trouble and he cleverly

[17:09] gets them out of it that would have been an interesting take if it was a more

[17:11] straight up

[17:13] uh... actual historical tape focusing on the fred mcmurray character that would

[17:16] have been interesting yeah instead they sort of focus on the daughter and her

[17:20] bland romance

[17:22] and then they throw in a bunch of other stuff that doesn't associate with that

[17:25] yeah if it was told from the perspective of the alligators what do you think

[17:29] yeah that would be good they spend most of their time just in a tank in the greenhouse

[17:32] if it was more like uh... there's a really long sequence where he's like

[17:35] running around trying to get the big alligator back in its tank when he's in

[17:39] the greenhouse and he keeps accidentally walking through the same

[17:43] pool with alligators in it

[17:44] yeah that was pretty great

[17:47] your enthusiasm just

[17:49] just burns out of you you're saying that you wanted to be more like bad lieutenant port of call

[17:52] new orleans with a lot of more uh... like lizard

[17:56] uh... pov shots yes

[17:58] the uh...

[18:00] yes a lot of but it's weird because the butler and the butler is set up as your main

[18:03] character because you spend the first

[18:05] like fifty seven minutes is one musical number of the butler I think you're overestimating

[18:09] that's what it felt like the butler like dancing around town

[18:13] just interacting with ordinary philadelphians singing about how

[18:16] his philosophy of life

[18:18] and asking directions of the same policeman like seven times yeah and then

[18:22] he gets in

[18:24] he's hired as the butler and then you don't see him for like an hour yeah

[18:27] well like every now and then he pops in and goes

[18:28] uh... hello

[18:29] uh... mr. biddle well okay then you know and off he goes

[18:34] he doesn't have a very good irish accent either he sings that big thing about even if he

[18:37] becomes an american he'll still be irish that's true

[18:41] he has a very racist part of that where he's like

[18:44] even if i go to china they'll say

[18:46] ching chong ching chong ching irish it's like

[18:48] all right that's even in nineteen sixty seven that was not cool

[18:53] pretend i didn't hear that because i want to like somebody in this movie

[18:57] i mean it makes sense that this uh... everything that you read about the

[19:00] behind-the-scenes and there's not like a lot and we just look at wikipedia

[19:03] there's the three-hour documentary the happiest millionaire behind the happiest

[19:06] millionaire

[19:07] and there was that book

[19:09] the not-so-happiest millionaire

[19:11] it seems like this must have been a real struggle to put this movie together like

[19:15] they they did not know what they were doing at a certain point they keep

[19:18] throwing money at this maybe it feels like walt disney said read the book it's

[19:22] based on which is written by the real-life daughter and said

[19:25] i want to make a movie of this this is i i'm nostalgic for the time period this

[19:29] movie set in

[19:30] like let's do it

[19:31] and then other people tried to figure out a way to make

[19:34] time to film this on film of a book that walt disney one of them to film that's

[19:38] my assumption

[19:39] then that he died halfway through it so i like

[19:41] office just throw this thing together let's just get it out there

[19:45] because there's a lot of like

[19:46] i'm sure if you grew up in nineteen sixteen you'd be like all those days i

[19:50] remember them all of it

[19:51] what an enjoyable romp

[19:53] people liked cars and boxing and such exactly

[19:56] people wanted to move to detroit

[19:59] beautiful detroit

[20:00] Yeah, get in on the ground floor of filth.

[20:04] Stuart, what was your favorite musical number from this?

[20:07] Do you remember any of them?

[20:09] Because I only remember Fortuosity and No Shilly-Shallying, No Dilly-Dallying.

[20:12] Well, No Shilly-Shallying, No Dilly-Dallying is probably the best.

[20:15] That's the song that leads to the bar fight.

[20:18] And, of course, he's Irish no matter where he goes.

[20:21] Oh, yeah.

[20:22] Or the bit where the two girls in the private school are teaching each other how to flirt with boys.

[20:30] Oh, pom-pom-poy or whatever it's called?

[20:32] Yeah.

[20:33] That was a scene that, yeah, if this movie was made, like, even just ten years later,

[20:37] there would be some sort of making out that would have resulted in that scene.

[20:40] I don't know about that.

[20:41] There seemed like a weird, like, tension to that scene.

[20:43] There were a lot of moments in that scene where it seemed like the girls were about to start making out.

[20:47] It's like, teach me how to flirt.

[20:48] And then they both get on, like, the same bed and they're, like, gazing into each other's eyes.

[20:51] I think you're projecting.

[20:52] I think we're just a little too versed in lesbian.

[20:55] I'm thinking of my own lesbian experiences.

[20:57] Lesbian, yes.

[20:58] Your own college experiences.

[20:59] I think we're a little too versed in.

[21:01] Well, college is the time to experiment, Elliot.

[21:03] Yeah, that's true.

[21:04] With pints.

[21:05] That reminds me of one of my favorite lines from a softcore porn movie where it's two girls and one of them says to the other,

[21:12] they say college is the time to experiment, so let's get experimenting.

[21:16] And they just start making out.

[21:17] It's the lamest.

[21:19] It's the lamest.

[21:20] That's when they invent their web slingers.

[21:23] Yes, exactly.

[21:24] And they invent their web shooters and their spider tracers.

[21:30] Their utility belts.

[21:32] But I think we are a little too versed in porn for straight men that involves two women together.

[21:40] Too versed.

[21:41] Any time that two women are sitting on a bed or one says, or, like, even when you put your face a little too close to the other one,

[21:47] we're like, well, of course they'll start making out now.

[21:49] Well, if there's two women and a bed in the same room.

[21:52] That's the natural end point.

[21:53] Seems inevitable.

[21:55] That's the end game, right?

[21:57] Samuel Beckett's end game, yeah.

[21:58] Yeah.

[22:01] So we just talked about some sweet musical numbers.

[22:04] Well, there are other musical numbers, too.

[22:06] Rum Tum Tugger.

[22:07] There's the song.

[22:08] Now, there was the bits where we fast-forwarded a little bit, but we were still able to wait.

[22:16] No, but we could still hear it.

[22:17] Yeah, we fast-forwarded.

[22:19] You know, it's three hours long.

[22:20] Stewart needs to get to work after this.

[22:23] We fast-forwarded it on the mode where you can still hear what they're saying.

[22:26] Yeah, so when Fred McMurtry or whatever.

[22:29] Yeah, Larry McMurtry.

[22:31] When he was singing that song about. . .

[22:34] When he was done writing The Last Picture Show, he started in The Happiest Millionaire.

[22:38] Yeah, when he was singing that song about how we should go to war with Germany or something for those Marines.

[22:44] That was another song, and then he ends up beating that dude up, and then they sing the conclusion of it.

[22:50] And they also. . . he learns. . .

[22:52] The young. . . the fiancé wins him over by showing him a jiu-jitsu move,

[22:56] and that teaches him something he's never seen before about hand-to-hand fighting.

[23:00] So this is a movie about The Happiest Millionaire.

[23:02] His relationships are based on hand-to-hand combat, and yet it was very boring.

[23:06] Yeah.

[23:07] Didn't he have a couple of sons or something at the very beginning?

[23:10] Yeah, they kind of dissolved, I think, after a while.

[23:12] They may have gone into the Marines or something.

[23:14] Boxing, alligators. . .

[23:16] Jiu-jitsu.

[23:17] Jiu-jitsu. Still dull.

[23:19] Still super boring, super long.

[23:23] These scenes just extended way past their normal end point.

[23:26] That was the other thing.

[23:28] It's not even like there's so much story here, it's got to be three hours.

[23:31] It was just scenic bloat and everything.

[23:33] Maybe they thought the audience was going to burst into applause after every line of dialogue.

[23:36] Yeah.

[23:37] So they needed long pauses between them.

[23:39] Well, yeah, they were expecting people to develop a real deep connection with the movie,

[23:42] see it multiple times, and then create some kind of a culture around it

[23:46] where they are laughing, every line has become part of the American psyche.

[23:50] Yeah, they yell out responses.

[23:52] They wave spoons.

[23:54] They throw toast.

[23:55] They wave alligators over their heads during the alligator scenes.

[23:59] Throw boxing gloves.

[24:01] See, I paid attention.

[24:03] You remember one thing.

[24:05] I remember boxing gloves.

[24:08] Oh, my God.

[24:09] Yeah, there's maybe 35 minutes worth of movie here that they extended to almost three hours.

[24:14] So thank you, last name withheld.

[24:16] I mean, you know, simple pleasure.

[24:18] It was a real tale of the immigrant experience in America, though.

[24:21] No, it wasn't.

[24:22] The Irish guy?

[24:23] Yeah.

[24:25] Sure, just off the boat Irish guy who we first see in a three-piece tweed suit and a hat.

[24:32] Like a really good-looking suit.

[24:33] A really nice suit.

[24:35] Except for, like, in a green tie, right?

[24:37] So we know he's Irish.

[24:38] Well, just fresh off the boat.

[24:39] Green lining for his suit.

[24:41] Just because he's fresh off the boat doesn't mean he's a poor guy in steerage.

[24:44] Like, he could have been on a Carnival Cruise line or something.

[24:47] Didn't he say he wanted to get it out of his immigrant clothes or something?

[24:51] Yeah, but he's wearing, like, a really nice suit.

[24:53] Yeah, like, I want those clothes.

[24:55] You'd look good in those clothes.

[24:57] Yeah, can you guys get those for me?

[24:59] I don't think so.

[25:00] We could write to Tommy Steele.

[25:02] He's still alive.

[25:03] We could probably get them, like on eBay or something.

[25:05] For, like, my wedding.

[25:08] I mean, he's short, so we might have to stretch him.

[25:11] That's what you do, right?

[25:12] Yeah, you stretch clothes out.

[25:13] Yeah, you just stretch them out.

[25:14] You steam them and you stretch them.

[25:17] You just tie them to a rack and you pull until the clothes are your size.

[25:21] Okay, so we'll do that.

[25:25] So I feel like we've made the sacrifice that most of America hasn't made

[25:28] to support our men overseas by seeing this movie.

[25:33] Yeah, so this is, like, this is a three-hour movie,

[25:41] and I feel like we've run out of things to say a good ten minutes before we normally.

[25:46] Well, that's because it was a movie that didn't have, like, glaring problems with it

[25:49] except slowness and dullness.

[25:52] The songs were not particularly memorable except for

[25:54] Shilly-Shally and Dilly-Dallying.

[25:56] Yeah, I mean, that's going to stick with me forever.

[25:57] Yeah, even though I've kind of forgotten how it goes already.

[26:00] Something like Shilly-Shally, Dilly-Dally, I'm going to go to China.

[26:03] No, no.

[26:04] No, yeah, that was how it went.

[26:05] It was something like that.

[26:07] But, like, there's just not – this was meant to be, like, a big roadshow production.

[26:11] That's why it had an overture and an intermission and why it's so long.

[26:15] And they wanted it to do the same business that Mary Poppins did.

[26:18] But, like, Mary Poppins has so many memorable moments,

[26:21] and it's like at every moment they're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[26:25] We did that in Mary Poppins.

[26:26] Let's try unmemorable this time.

[26:28] Yeah.

[26:29] They just went out of their way to make it very bland.

[26:31] I will mention that in my research for it, after we saw it,

[26:34] I noticed that the director, Norman Tokar, who directed a lot of Disney movies,

[26:38] it mentions on Wikipedia that he made the Dean Jones-Suzanne Plachette slapstick comedy

[26:42] The Ugly Dachshund.

[26:44] So if anyone's ever seen the movie The Ugly Dachshund, which sounds amazing,

[26:48] I guess right into the Flophouse.

[26:50] What's the email address?

[26:51] Flophouse at theflophouse.com?

[26:53] I think it's theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[26:56] Okay.

[26:57] The longest, most needlessly long.

[27:00] Everything, the email address, the URL, it's always ridiculously overlong.

[27:04] Just like this movie.

[27:05] Yeah, non-memorable.

[27:06] Yeah.

[27:07] Just like the happiest.

[27:08] The other thing is, like, he wasn't that happy.

[27:10] Yeah, why the happiest millionaire?

[27:11] We barely touch on his money or his happiness.

[27:16] And most of the thing is him being disappointed in people.

[27:18] There has to be a reason that we're watching this movie.

[27:20] Like, he can't just be a happy millionaire.

[27:22] He has to be the happiest millionaire, guys.

[27:24] Just call it something different.

[27:25] That's what you learn in screenwriting.

[27:26] Just call it Alligator Boxer.

[27:27] Oh, man.

[27:28] I like that one.

[27:29] That's a good title.

[27:30] Or what about, like, Mr. Marine?

[27:32] Alligator Boxer.

[27:33] Put an alligator, put some boxing gloves on him.

[27:35] That's your poster.

[27:36] That's the poster, sure.

[27:37] You got the poster right there.

[27:38] So I'm going to push for a bow tie.

[27:39] I'm going to put a green bow tie.

[27:40] Because he's Irish, yeah.

[27:41] Yeah.

[27:42] Or you have an alligator in boxing gloves and then a butler standing next to him

[27:44] with, like, a tray with, like, a bottle of champagne and a mouse on it.

[27:50] That tells me all I need to know about this movie.

[27:52] Yeah.

[27:53] That sets you up to be disappointed by the film.

[27:56] I'm going to push past.

[27:58] I'm going to push right past Final Judgments.

[28:00] Because I assume...

[28:01] Good movie.

[28:02] That everyone's going to say it's a bad, bad movie.

[28:04] It's an undiscovered classic.

[28:05] Bad, bad movie, everyone?

[28:07] I would say it was a bad, bad movie.

[28:08] Yeah, sure.

[28:09] Just so we can get in a few more letters.

[28:12] We got a lot of letters.

[28:13] Cracking the whip over here.

[28:14] I got something for you guys, by the way.

[28:17] Okay.

[28:18] Before we get into the letters, since I last really saw you guys,

[28:21] I went on a little trip.

[28:23] I went to a place called Gen Con.

[28:27] What?

[28:28] The world's largest gaming convention in all of the world.

[28:31] And I got you guys, because I like you guys a lot.

[28:34] What?

[28:35] Yeah, I got you guys something really cool.

[28:37] Oh, and I didn't even get you anything when I was in Montana this past week.

[28:39] I got you the Bratz Fashion Party Fever collectible card game.

[28:43] What?

[28:44] Yep.

[28:45] You're seeing it for the first time.

[28:46] Stuart is not lying.

[28:47] He's holding it in his hands.

[28:48] Bratz Fashion Party Forever.

[28:50] This is the Fashion Party Fever.

[28:53] Fever.

[28:54] Well, I like mine more.

[28:55] They're super-styling collectible cards.

[28:57] Two-player starter set.

[28:58] Yep.

[28:59] And it's for ages eight and up.

[29:00] I assume Fashion Party Fever is like a contagion-style game

[29:03] where there's a fashion party bug that is going through the world.

[29:07] It's similar to the popular game Pandemic.

[29:10] So the taglines are dress up, throw a party, and dance all night long.

[29:14] In card form.

[29:15] In card form.

[29:16] So this was a 2003 TOTY winner, Property of the Year of Bratz.

[29:23] Oh, the Toddy winner.

[29:24] Oh, the Toddy.

[29:25] That was the Toy of the Year award.

[29:27] So the gets its own.

[29:29] You can just say the TOY Awards, Toy of the Year.

[29:33] Toddy, you lose the word toy as the acronym.

[29:36] Yeah.

[29:37] Wow.

[29:38] I mean, that's bad design.

[29:39] You should call them.

[29:40] So I got you guys this because I know you love Bratz, and it's for two people.

[29:44] Oh, we love Bratz.

[29:45] Like, you don't love Bratz.

[29:46] Well, I love Bratz, too.

[29:48] But I thought if I got you guys a two-player game, I could watch you two play.

[29:52] And just kind of sit back.

[29:53] Okay, that's weird.

[29:54] And I'd turn the lights out in my corner, and I'd watch you guys play.

[29:57] So this is like any of those stripper shows.

[30:00] serial killer movies where a stripper is dancing for a guy in the shadows

[30:03] yeah in a private dance and then he strangles her well we might strangle you

[30:07] I might strangle you

[30:08] okay guys I want to watch you play I want to read a little of the ad copy on the back

[30:12] of this though

[30:14] it says dress up throw a party

[30:17] dance all night long yeah we heard that part yeah I did that oh sorry

[30:21] well did you notice that night is spelled n-i-t-e I did not

[30:24] didn't mention it includes two totally hot 37 card decks

[30:29] so the decks are hot dazzling dance floor play mat

[30:32] rockin rule sheet wait

[30:35] even the rules sheet is rocking it is

[30:38] that's the only time I've ever heard rules is being described as cool

[30:41] is rules spelled with a z please tell me it is I'm sorry it isn't

[30:45] brats you let me down it doesn't sound rockin well wait hold on listen to this word that has been made up for the next thing

[30:50] fortuosity oversized die and funkalish game pieces

[30:54] secret question decoder tons of super style and brats

[30:59] fashions and characters funkalish yeah

[31:02] a man so apparently the goal is to swap fashion cards and complete the fashion

[31:07] passion prism

[31:08] and all the brats will be struttin it on the dance floor in style is that like the

[31:11] triforce

[31:12] I have no idea the fashion pal looks like it looks like there's gonna be a lot of

[31:15] brats character artwork

[31:17] oh yeah things no noses and big lips and big eyes and tight laces my only request is you guys

[31:21] refrain from masturbating

[31:23] this was a gift for playing games I cannot masturbate to any

[31:26] promises you know that I have a fetish for women whose heads are basically golf

[31:29] balls with features attached

[31:31] so no no dice no can do

[31:34] so I like brats and Rachel Leigh Cook

[31:39] wow take that star if she's all that that's amazing

[31:42] so oh and there's a super style and spa party sweepstakes

[31:46] ooh oh it ended in April 1st of 2004

[31:50] yeah that was a hot commodity at

[31:55] yeah I don't wanna send a self-addressed envelope to super style and spa party

[32:01] 5909 sea otter place Carlsbad California

[32:04] so it is at sea otter place

[32:08] Stewart I don't want to insult you with this question but on the other hand I kinda want to know

[32:11] how much does one pay for the Bratz card game

[32:15] it was two dollars before tax

[32:19] so you love each of us one dollar

[32:23] the look on the saleswoman's face when I asked for it

[32:26] priceless I gotta tell you

[32:30] did a policeman follow you around for the rest of the convention?

[32:33] no I was I was not in any way the creepiest guy there so

[32:38] awesome so that was my gift to you guys

[32:41] thank you so much

[32:43] listeners at home

[32:45] it's like they're reading with their ears

[32:48] maybe I'll uh... you gotta put up a picture of it yeah I should take a picture of this

[32:52] or even link to the Amazon.com link

[32:54] yeah like you guys give it a thumbs up we'll deal with it in a minute

[32:57] yeah come on

[32:58] so uh... before we get to the letters

[33:02] on the card game

[33:04] before we get to the letters I just want to thank T. Coburn and C. Simmons for their donations

[33:09] thanks guys very generous donations

[33:12] Coburn and Simmons

[33:14] so uh... there were a couple of

[33:17] there were a couple of uh...

[33:19] male things that we had to lose because of uh... wait male things we had to lose

[33:23] it's like

[33:24] people got their penises cut off?

[33:27] like ears removed?

[33:29] because of the uh...

[33:30] because of the uh... what are the male things are there?

[33:33] because of the lost episode uh... some of the older emails I'm going to have to

[33:38] skip we can always do those at the end if we have time well we'll see

[33:44] uh... but I'm going to move on

[33:47] uh...

[33:48] harsh taskmaster

[33:49] Angie

[33:51] Angie last name withheld uh...

[33:54] her last name is List

[33:55] Angie is that the character from that movie we just watched?

[33:59] yep he's a successful car executive in Detroit now

[34:02] uh... he's a hundred years old

[34:04] her her main her the main thrust for email is whether any of us have seen the

[34:08] German movie Killer Condom

[34:10] that's a German movie?

[34:12] is it? I know that Troma released it years ago

[34:15] uh... I assumed it was a Troma film but maybe they were distributing a German film

[34:19] but the uh... maybe it's a remake of the Troma Killer Condom

[34:23] the main thing I wanted to uh... read from her is the uh...

[34:27] second paragraph where she uh...

[34:30] she she talks how much she she laughs

[34:33] she enjoys the show

[34:34] she says the dick popcorn thing had me choking I was trying to keep from laughing

[34:38] you do not want to choke on dick popcorn

[34:40] but I might turn into a dithering fangirl and that's not very professional

[34:43] though I have developed a bit of a thing for Elliot's way of saying anyhoo

[34:48] so I just wanted to get that in there

[34:50] uh... because I can't imagine

[34:53] anyone uh...

[34:55] else developing anything but irritated by that

[34:59] Dan you have to understand that things I do that irritate you delight and

[35:03] and enchant the listeners

[35:05] alright well

[35:06] well thank you very much writer

[35:08] Angie last name withheld

[35:10] uh... this uh... this next one's called Heart Ticket to Hawaii

[35:13] it relates to something that I showed you gentlemen before the podcast

[35:17] I'm trying to remember back all I can remember is shilly-shallying dilly-dallying

[35:21] it says hello Dan Stewart and Elliot I'm a big fan of the show having hopped on the

[35:25] post A.V. Club bandwagon

[35:27] and I've started to listen to every episode for the second time much as a

[35:30] chagrin of my wife who's usually trying to get some work done

[35:33] while I sit and laugh to myself across the room

[35:36] I imagine an Andy Capp style figure

[35:40] sorry love

[35:41] gotta listen to the podcast

[35:43] flop out so

[35:45] hop down the pub

[35:48] speaking of my wife

[35:49] eat somebody's cheese fries

[35:51] Andy Capp's cheese fries

[35:54] but they're cheese fries

[35:56] even though they're called

[35:58] uh... hot fries

[36:00] they come in a plastic

[36:01] okay hot fries

[36:03] you've bested me in knowledge of Andy Capp based bar foods

[36:07] uh... he says speaking of my wife I'm allowed to or married

[36:11] on at least one episode of your show you referenced the B

[36:14] C question mark D question mark

[36:16] movie classic Heart Ticket to Hawaii

[36:18] one of Dan's favorites while my wife was working for a now defunct current TV

[36:22] show

[36:23] she and some co-workers did a particularly faithful shot for shot

[36:26] remake of the you got a great ass scene from the film

[36:29] I thought you'd appreciate both the attention to detail

[36:32] and the other pointlessness of the project

[36:34] is here to give the link

[36:36] uh... again love the podcast please continue to have an erratic release

[36:39] schedule otherwise I won't find time to catch up with the fresh air podcast

[36:42] that's from will last name without saying that you're you're alternating

[36:45] between this and fresh air which are two very different podcasts

[36:48] uh... but uh... I think uh...

[36:51] the what's her name on fresh air Terry Gross is that her name Terry Gross she talks a lot

[36:54] less about wormy boners and uh... invisible maniac

[36:58] than we do

[36:59] then I'm kind of glad I haven't been listening to this fresh air

[37:04] so we watched that Heart Ticket to Hawaii it was very faithful yeah

[37:09] we don't know uh...

[37:10] now a key piece of information that you leave out is whether that was your wife

[37:13] in the uh... who had the titular great ass

[37:16] uh... I knew Dan was going to ask this question

[37:18] well look

[37:19] it was uh... it doesn't have to be a fucking creepazoid dude no Dan is one a creepazoid and two he needs to put a name with a butt

[37:25] yeah I do

[37:26] yeah that seems to be the theme of the day

[37:29] no what I'm saying I you know

[37:31] we had a conversation about this earlier with Dan I love I love personalities Stuart I don't just love body parts

[37:37] sure so you like a butt with personality I need to put a great personality with a great body part

[37:42] okay

[37:42] uh... but uh... yeah no that was a so his wife wasn't the guy with the uh... frisbee in the neck

[37:49] that's true I mean like we don't know this could be a gay gentleman who uh... his wife could be

[37:54] like he's doing wife in air quotes or something yeah

[37:57] well you know

[37:58] I've heard that I've heard uh... no I guess you're right that's fair come on Stuart it's the 21st century

[38:03] you gotta expand your definition

[38:06] see

[38:07] it's all I'm trying to redefine marriage for you

[38:09] before you get married it's weird since Dan's character on the podcast has been established as a

[38:14] violent homophobe and yet he seems to have some kind of

[38:18] reversal what Dan what changed your opinion on this issue this was something that was placed upon me I've always been very open to all

[38:25] if you've been paying attention to Bob's continuity he is horribly intolerant and yet perhaps over the past week or two

[38:32] he's had some kind of eye opening experience alright well

[38:36] fine I mean like I'll accept it

[38:39] I mean if this puts to bed the idea that I'm some sort of a homophobe well I mean you're not anymore you used to be

[38:44] no it's not true but I mean you could have a relapse

[38:47] at any moment yeah at any moment

[38:49] you never know and he also has a hook for a hand

[38:53] yep and I'm trying to take down the government he really overloaded you with hooks

[39:00] so I forget what we were talking about but I'll put that in hard to get Hawaii

[39:05] you're leering at this man's possibly his wife possibly his wife and if not his wife

[39:09] somebody's daughter yes somebody's daughter and somebody's father maybe someday

[39:15] your fiancee is someone's daughter what the

[39:18] I hope not the things he does with her

[39:23] the point was they went out of their way to do a shot by shot remake of a scene from a terrible movie

[39:28] and all you could focus on was the female body parts well that was to be fair that was a terrible movie

[39:33] that all it could focus on was the female body parts in it you're mixing the medium and the message

[39:37] the whole point of the movie was to have things blow up and for body parts to be bared

[39:42] that was the point of Andy Sedaris' oeuvre

[39:46] Andy Sedaris is a particular favorite director of Dan's

[39:50] we did what other movies?

[39:53] Savage Beach, Picasso Trigger, Do or Die

[39:56] Do or Die is the one where there's a mercenary named Hot Dog in it

[40:00] yeah yeah and it's all

[40:03] it's only wait wait hot dog the movie no no no

[40:06] hot dog the guy it's I know it's easy named after the through the movie

[40:11] this is a like the movie this is a like a

[40:14] andy said there is a former a sports journalist I think he worked for Sports

[40:18] Illustrated

[40:18] who then made a career out of making movies a

[40:22] basically where former playboy models carry bazookas around in tropical

[40:26] climates and blue

[40:27] carry them in front of their bazookas yeah well

[40:30] okay wait now who is objectifying that's cheeky okay come on that's

[40:34] that's lovable he said it ironically the video was cheeky

[40:37] this is what I'm saying that's gross you're making me uncomfortable

[40:41] my remark was very PG

[40:45] yours is I don't know not so much especially the look on his face

[40:48] yeah that's that's the look of a man in a raincoat in a theater

[40:52] in the middle of the day look just because I'm visibly drooling

[40:55] and I've removed my pants doesn't mean that there's anything I don't even know how you did that

[40:59] I didn't see you do it well the drool lubricated his pants

[41:03] did they dissolve his pants made out of sugar

[41:06] yep yep sugar pants McCoy that's why they call him that

[41:10] so this is an email

[41:13] titled dramatic contest results

[41:17] and from Stuart last name withheld wait a minute Stuart did you get drunk and

[41:21] spelled differently but that could be a not too clever

[41:25] attempt to conceal Stuart's the best can you have more Stuart on the show

[41:29] sign Stuart this says greetings floppers I was listening to the

[41:34] earwolf challenge podcast when to my pleasant surprise I heard the dulcet

[41:38] tones of Dan McCoy

[41:39] he was apparently the guest on a podcast called beginnings

[41:43] the earwolf challenge involves the reality television style voting off of

[41:47] one of ten podcast entries each week

[41:49] based on a challenge they're given this week's challenge was about the best

[41:52] introduction

[41:53] a seemingly important challenge always lead on a strong foot people say

[41:57] beginnings led with the strong foot of Dan McCoy doing his patented silly voices

[42:01] well foot voting is in and needless to say beginnings was crushed immediately

[42:06] and without mercy along with the judges pointing out how confident they were

[42:10] that this was the perfect choice for expulsion

[42:12] this amused me to no end that Dan lost a contest he didn't enter

[42:16] this crushing defeat is sure to elicit a mournful sigh from Dan

[42:19] it's just another moment from Dan's Charlie Brown-esque life

[42:22] PS this email seems harsh I just wanted to let you know that the flop house is great

[42:27] earwolf challenge is not so keep it up this

[42:29] blow to Dan was probably just some nefarious plot by their sister

[42:33] podcast how did this get made

[42:34] and I by delivering this news was merely a pawn in this great game between

[42:37] podcast rivals

[42:39] the great game yes this is the beginnings podcast

[42:43] you were also on this podcast in the past

[42:46] I thought something was up with Dan he seemed kinda down

[42:49] unlike normal Dan seemed like he was sighing a lot

[42:53] drinking sure not didn't have that joie de vivre

[42:56] that we know Dan to have it's all because of this email yeah

[42:59] beginnings is a nice podcast a good podcast run by a couple of very

[43:04] good guys about people like comedians how they got their start

[43:07] I guess Mark Bissi or Bissi I don't know how to say his last name

[43:13] and Andrew Beckerman good guys good podcast

[43:16] I'll tell you something the Earwolf Challenge is a run

[43:19] I've never heard of that I don't know what it is

[43:22] Earwolf is Scott Aukerman's podcast empire he started off with comedy death ray now comedy

[43:28] bang bang and there's a lot of

[43:29] podcasts under that title including

[43:33] how did this get made I'm so glad I don't pay attention to podcasts

[43:36] I'll stick with comic books a dying medium here's what I have to say about this

[43:39] the Earwolf Challenge was

[43:41] run by one Matt Besser and this is this will not be the first time Matt Besser

[43:46] has shit on something I was involved in

[43:48] and Saturday Night Rewritten yeah and my

[43:52] my career has gone fine since then and so will

[43:55] to the careers of the beginnings podcast

[43:58] gentlemen you're saying that losing this podcast contest is

[44:02] is not not the worst thing that will throw an obstacle into a career

[44:06] yeah oh good because I was worried that I lived in a world that was insane

[44:10] if losing a podcast contest was irreparably hard

[44:15] somebody's life yeah then I would probably get on a rocket ship to Mars

[44:20] tomorrow or kill myself

[44:24] luckily taking a rocket ship to Mars would not kill you oh no I'd get superpowers

[44:28] of some kind

[44:29] you saw the Watchmen movie you go to Mars and you get superpowers that's what happens right

[44:33] wait what?

[44:37] so I'm going to do one last email for now

[44:39] how do we enter a podcast contest so we can win it? yeah we should pick something we're really good at

[44:44] like throwing

[44:45] that doesn't have anything to do with being in a podcast though

[44:49] yeah but I mean I bet we're better at throwing stuff than other people who make podcasts

[44:53] sure except for like a shot put podcast yeah

[44:57] I don't know if I'd be very good on a throwing team though okay then what would you be good at?

[45:01] well yeah what would you be? because you're the weak link obviously

[45:04] I'll draw cartoons and you can throw something

[45:08] okay and Elliot will tell us facts about US history

[45:12] there you go okay so it's like a relay

[45:15] one of those throwing drawing US history contests

[45:19] speaking of which I was very unhappy because your wife pointed out to me that

[45:22] while I was out of town there was the

[45:25] relay race the Battle of Brooklyn relay race in Brooklyn

[45:28] to commemorate the largest battle of the Revolutionary War which happened right in our backyard

[45:33] and I was out of town so the three of us couldn't do it because I know you guys want to do a relay race with me

[45:37] well I mean I'd be okay at the race part

[45:40] I mean of the three of us

[45:43] but I do run I have run of the three of us I think that

[45:47] I don't run but I know a bunch about the Battle of Brooklyn

[45:50] it was August 27th 1776

[45:54] this is not a history test what was the weather like? at the edge of what's now

[45:58] I don't remember at the edge of what's now Greenwood Cemetery a number of

[46:02] British soldiers were foraging for watermelons

[46:04] this is getting pretty good tell how little you're interested in

[46:08] talking about the Battle of Brooklyn

[46:11] okay so what's this last email I'm going to do a final email before we get into our

[46:15] recommendations

[46:16] final email this is from John last name withheld and it's about the last

[46:22] episode is his last name Smith because I think it's an alias

[46:26] yeah it could be but this is about the flop house bloopers and practical jokes episode

[46:30] not a lot of practical jokes in that episode or Sergio Aragonese's cartoons

[46:35] it's a shame if we could have gotten him man

[46:39] that would have been awesome I think we could have gotten him well let's look into it for next time

[46:43] get on that story he's probably working on GRU

[46:47] he's probably working on GRU yeah in that magazine

[46:50] so John says my favorite part was when the radio background

[46:56] no longer content with its current level distraction decided to drop

[46:59] all pretense and just start playing air horns example around 1120

[47:04] so yep I listened to it and that is

[47:08] accurate so you're saying maybe this was a pirate broadcast that was just trying to get in the way

[47:14] I mean you know a lot of the hits are putting air horns in nowadays

[47:18] kids love air horns it's a cool quality of an air horn

[47:22] yeah it's jarring it gets your attention it's got a nice

[47:26] timbre timbre? what? yeah

[47:29] timber no it's when you cut a tree down

[47:33] timber the musical tone is

[47:36] that's tone burr wait tambour tambour is actually

[47:40] sorry so um starlet

[47:43] timbre so what's next guys

[47:47] I did it before Stuart

[47:50] this is why I let you tell me this story about this battle of Brooklyn or something

[47:54] this is the part of small skirmish between American guards

[47:57] and the British regulars yeah this is the part of the podcast where we

[48:01] recommend

[48:02] you're not even going to let me get to Lord Sterling's Maryland regiment and its sacrificial

[48:07] charge maybe I'll fade you out at the end of the episode

[48:11] alright it's an amazing story

[48:14] this is where we recommend something that

[48:18] well in case you don't want to watch three hours

[48:22] of a story about a singing millionaire I don't know why you wouldn't

[48:26] but uh what something you may have seen he didn't like he barely spent money on anything

[48:30] in this movie it wasn't like you expect it to be like Arthur

[48:32] or something like that where the guys just spending money stupidly on crazy things

[48:36] yeah well he's got a solid gold car yeah exactly

[48:39] or solid gold hat he plays tennis with a

[48:42] solid gold ball or something

[48:46] or solid gold hits yeah because it's Quincy Jones

[48:49] he's the happiest millionaire he probably is

[48:52] I mean you know he got married to Peggy Lipton he's got a lot of kids

[48:56] heir to the Lipton's I see fortune

[48:59] his daughter is a successful actress yeah lovely woman in her own right

[49:03] don't get creepy what I'm just she's pretty

[49:06] all I'm saying is that she's physically you cannot object

[49:10] do not bring her butt up okay I've never heard this

[49:15] it's kind of fucking creepy right of course he's a lovely woman

[49:18] I want to be as far from Dan as possible

[49:22] and I don't want him to see my behind

[49:24] I'm not making any lewd suggestions about her

[49:26] I'm just saying it's all in your countenance

[49:28] it's in your countenance

[49:30] it's all lewd

[49:32] it's in your tombra or whatever you said

[49:34] Stuart are you going to recommend something Dan?

[49:36] I am going to recommend something Dan

[49:38] first off Steve

[49:40] you know the guy who wrote in

[49:42] no no no that guy Steve who wrote in

[49:44] I want to say you were right

[49:46] The Devil Was Great

[49:48] James was his actual name

[49:50] Steve was the name you called him by

[49:52] everyone is named Steve

[49:54] so that was great

[49:56] thank you

[49:58] the movie I'm going to recommend is

[50:00] called The Collector which is the premise of this movie is that you know

[50:09] this there's a character who's like a thief who's been casing this you know

[50:12] this nice rich house and he ends up kind of having to break in while when he

[50:18] thinks his family's gone little does he know there's also a serial killer has

[50:23] been casing this house and he when the thief goes in to break in so it's a low

[50:27] concept movie is what you're saying yeah but at a cinema Verde it it was kind it

[50:33] was cool to see it was cool how they made an attempt to actually spend some

[50:37] time on the geography of the house and it's also nice to see a movie where you

[50:43] have like this horrible wacky serial killer who's tracking somebody who

[50:47] actually is skilled at evasion and like not being heard so and it's pretty gory

[50:53] and there's some gross stuff in there so if you like that stuff called The

[50:56] Collector The Collector did you say rated R playing at Stewart's Lowe's

[51:04] Union Square 315 for all the walk what do you want like king of the e-box

[51:12] teacher but well now he's gonna CGI eyes so that'll be nice

[51:18] Elliot they'll probably be going there yeah I think I will recommend what I

[51:25] haven't seen a lot of movies lately I was out of town for about a week and I

[51:28] didn't see any movies along that time but before I left I finally watched

[51:32] Sugarland Express which I'd never seen before and I really I really liked it a

[51:37] lot and it shows you a different direction Spielberg could have gone in

[51:41] if he hadn't become like kind of this blockbuster director and I enjoyed it a

[51:46] lot it was very and I've overlooked it for a long time because it's one of the

[51:49] forgotten movies and his filmography but it was really good and I went last

[51:55] because I too have been out of town and have not watched any movies and I don't

[51:59] really have any movies so you desperately you thought I would give you

[52:02] another 30 seconds to buy time I saw I saw Arthur on the plane speaking of

[52:08] Arthur the Arthur remake which I mean that's a movie I would recommend

[52:15] watching on a plane like I don't think it was that great in general but there

[52:18] were some parts that were good John our buddy John Hodgman not really our buddy

[52:22] but someone that we talked to yeah not my buddy although he's a lovely man

[52:26] he's a very nice person very mean to me for the time but he had a funny couple

[52:32] of scenes in it he showed up I was delighted to see that but uh I don't

[52:36] really have much to say I I did watch I didn't go and see Avenue Q off-broadway

[52:41] last night I want to recommend this joke my friend told me these shoes are

[52:54] comfortable now in lieu of a in lieu of a recommendation I'd like to do a plug

[52:59] actually for a friend oh I'll do a plug when you're done my I went to see Avenue

[53:03] Q in part because my friend Rob Morrison who I used to be in a sketch group with

[53:08] is now in Avenue Q off-broadway playing multiple characters and he also has a

[53:14] rock band called the Hollows and he put out a album recently which was very good

[53:20] I bought it Google the Hollows belong to the earth I believe is the name of the

[53:27] album and I would recommend it you can go to the website and listen to a couple

[53:31] of tracks see if you like it all right what what are you you're rolling your

[53:37] eyes I nodded my head in a condescending manner yeah yeah completely different

[53:41] what did you want to plug I want to plug my next movie screening if this is up in

[53:46] time it's gonna be Wednesday the 7th of September yeah at 7 30 p.m. at 92 at

[53:50] Tribeca I'm showing Shadow of a Doubt my favorite one of my favorite movies of

[53:53] all time and my favorite Hitchcock movie and one that is not given the credit it

[53:57] deserves as his first masterpiece film I think and comedian and daily show

[54:03] producer Rory Albanese will be joining us after the movie to talk about it he's

[54:07] never seen it and we'll see what he thinks of it but it's a really great

[54:10] movie yeah Joseph Cotton Teresa Wright Hume Cronin's film debut Patricia

[54:16] Collins and Rory is very funny if you are a podcast listener you would know

[54:20] him as the American from the bugle podcast that's right he plays the

[54:25] American on the bugle so you're a podcast listener well I'm not like a

[54:29] million podcasts no but if you're if you're like I'm saying that if you're

[54:33] listening to this perhaps you're a fan of the venue the medium but he does play

[54:38] the American on the bugle so come on out to that in the meantime it'll be fun so

[54:45] Ellie get ready to keep telling your story okay I will then fade out but I've

[54:50] been Dan McCoy and this is the Battle of Brooklyn August 27th 1776 America's

[54:58] forces have gathered in the borough of Brooklyn then its own city I guess was

[55:02] called Flatbush or whatever at the time the British soldiers are advancing I

[55:09] don't remember any of the songs do you there was the one about no Sheila

[55:14] Shelley no dilly-dallying you guys eat that do I'm gonna go to China right now

[55:19] yeah and the fortuosity da da dee da da dee da dee da dee

[55:24] to us city got that fortune was it again you're seeing the very necessities is

[55:30] that one about a Jim jimmery Jim jimmery Jim jim jim jim millionaire

[55:35] Mary Poppins no what about it's just a scat version in the mood

The Flop House: Episode #86 - The Happiest Millionaire

Transcript

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