The Flop House: Episode #87 - My Soul to Take

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss My Soul to Take by Master of Horror, Wes Craven.

[0:06] Wait, that's a typo. It just says Mr. of Horror.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] And I'm Elliot Kaylin.

Stuart Wellington

[0:42] It sounds so weird tonight, doesn't it guys?

[0:44] Yeah, what's wrong with this episode?

[0:46] It's like we're recording in a spooky house!

[0:49] Or in outer space!

Dan McCoy

[0:51] Or using a shitty internal microphone.

[0:55] So if things sound...

[0:56] Where's your imagination, Dan?

[0:58] I'm sorry.

[0:58] What kind of scenario is that?

[0:59] Maybe it's a microphone in outer space.

[1:01] I left it at my local library.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03] And we're gonna fight some snorks.

[1:05] It's not in outer space.

[1:07] Some snakes?

[1:09] I like the snorks. They're the guys with the things on their heads, right?

[1:12] Yeah, they're underwater.

[1:14] Oh, snorkels.

Dan McCoy

[1:14] Then we talk like this!

[1:17] We introduced the idea that the episode sounded different, and then we didn't explain it.

Elliott Kalan

[1:22] Well, explain it, Professor.

Dan McCoy

[1:24] So I thought I had solved all of our audio problems.

[1:28] That we had improperly shielded cables, and it would be fixed by getting...

[1:31] What do you mean by problems?

[1:34] Well, I mean, the fact that we tried to record an episode, namely the Beastly episode...

[1:40] A couple weeks, about a month ago.

[1:41] And we started picking up radio signals that seemed to be sort of a hip-hop, an R.B., maybe some reggaeton.

Elliott Kalan

[1:49] I thought we were just trying something different that episode.

[1:52] No, no, we're not.

[1:53] Just trying to get in touch with a more urban audience.

[1:55] This is not a remix situation.

[1:57] Now, would it have been better if we had picked up radio signals like in the movie Contact, that told us how to build a space platform?

[2:04] That would have been better.

[2:05] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[2:06] We would have been reunited with our father in alien form.

[2:09] Well, my dad is still here.

[2:11] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[2:11] What was the movie where the guys like dad was sending radio signals back in time or some shit?

[2:17] Oh, Frequency?

[2:17] Yeah.

[2:18] And would it be like that?

[2:20] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[2:22] So, despite the unhelpful...

[2:25] Maybe that reggae was from...

[2:26] Efforts of my co-host.

[2:28] Yeah.

[2:28] Point is, we watched a whole movie tonight.

[2:31] And after successfully recording the Happiest Millionaire episode, thinking that all our problems were in the past...

[2:37] Yeah, much like the Happiest Millionaire.

[2:39] We watched a movie tonight that, after we were done, I turned the machine on.

[2:46] And, lo and behold, more reggae.

[2:48] More reggae.

[2:49] Rego?

[2:50] So, more regano.

Stuart Wellington

[2:52] More reggae.

[2:53] Old world style.

[2:54] So, I guess...

[2:55] So, while Dan was fiddling with this machine that we record on, Elliot and I were making jokes.

[3:00] Oh, we were talking about the movie.

[3:02] Yeah, we were practicing our...

Dan McCoy

[3:03] Sweating in my...

[3:05] In my on-air-conditioned apartment, because I turned the air-conditioner off, because we were going to be recording.

[3:10] Yeah, and Stuart and I were eating ice cream.

[3:11] Swearing at the machinery.

[3:13] And rubbing ice cubes in our armpits.

[3:15] Yeah.

[3:15] Uh-huh.

[3:16] And doing it with girls.

Elliott Kalan

[3:18] It seems it's partying.

[3:20] It was a pretty wild party.

[3:22] You were sitting above the table, while you were under the table, fixing this thing.

[3:25] Well, I didn't fix it.

[3:26] I mean, like, it appears...

[3:26] The president was there.

Stuart Wellington

[3:27] No nerds allowed, etc.

Dan McCoy

[3:29] It appears to me that the...

[3:31] Etcetera?

[3:31] ...problem with, uh...

[3:34] things is not that, uh...

[3:36] I mean, we didn't fix it before.

[3:38] It seems that probably what happened was the radio station just wasn't broadcasting.

[3:41] Yeah, in the middle of a...

Elliott Kalan

[3:43] The pirate radio station...

[3:43] Reggae radio station apparently not broadcasting in the middle of the day on a Saturday.

Stuart Wellington

[3:46] I'm imagining, like, a, uh...

[3:48] Like, a reggae bootleg version of Christian Slater.

[3:52] Mm-hmm.

[3:52] Uh...

Elliott Kalan

[3:53] Behind the...

[3:54] Behind the helm.

[3:54] I think it's that station from those...

[3:56] What is it?

[3:56] Beer commercials?

[3:58] Or liquor commercials?

[3:59] That radio station?

[4:00] But the Red Stripe ones?

[4:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[4:02] Maybe.

[4:02] So, I mean, if anyone knows anything about RF interference out there, uh...

[4:07] Please, uh, feel free to, uh...

[4:10] Write us at theflophousepodcast.com...

[4:13] Gmail.com, um...

[4:16] Or if you know anyone named RF...

[4:17] Flophousepodcast at gmail.com.

Elliott Kalan

[4:18] If you know anyone named RF interference, like Rodney Franklin Interference...

[4:22] I don't think that would actually help, but, um...

[4:24] Richard Farrington Interference.

Dan McCoy

[4:26] I mean, all I've been able to find is that maybe I could buy some ferrite chokes, uh, to

[4:31] choke my ferrets with, I assume.

[4:33] Sounds like something that Magneto would use.

[4:35] Uh, yeah.

[4:36] Apparently that would, uh, maybe help.

[4:38] Why would you choke your ferret?

[4:39] I don't know.

[4:40] I don't know how that helps.

[4:41] Uh, I think they're made of ferrites, and they choke, uh, radio waves.

[4:45] They're made of ferrets?

[4:46] They kill radio waves by...

[4:49] Why didn't we just watch Beastmaster tonight, guys?

[4:52] Yeah, it's got ferrets up the wazoo.

[4:54] Point is, um, right now we are recording on the internal microphone of my MacBook, uh,

[5:00] because no wires means nothing to act as an antenna.

[5:06] Mm-hmm.

[5:06] Science.

[5:07] Yeah.

[5:08] So, uh, so that's what's happening.

[5:10] Chemistry.

[5:11] Um, but if anyone wants to come to my house and fix this, or donate, like, throw a bunch

[5:16] of money at the problem, maybe, uh, we could figure this out.

Elliott Kalan

[5:19] Yeah, just throw a bunch of money at your computer right now.

[5:21] Let's see if that works.

[5:22] Sure.

[5:23] Throw a handful of bills.

[5:24] Throw my wallet at it.

Stuart Wellington

[5:27] Whoa, wait.

[5:28] Was that a sound effect of your wallet?

[5:29] Like, was that a loud sound effect?

[5:30] I don't think the mic picked that one up.

Elliott Kalan

[5:32] Okay.

[5:33] Yeah, Dan's not exactly the Michael Winslow of his generation.

Dan McCoy

[5:36] Something in my actual computer.

Elliott Kalan

[5:38] On the other hand, he's not the Carl Winslow of his generation either, which is good.

[5:41] Yeah.

[5:42] Because he doesn't have to deal with the Urkel of his generation.

Stuart Wellington

[5:45] Um...

[5:46] Wait, which Urkel was that?

[5:47] Was that the later days one where he was, like, a super scientist?

[5:50] It was the same Urkel.

[5:51] I thought he was kind of different, though, later on.

[5:53] The same guy.

[5:54] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[5:54] Guys, we're hoping that you bear with us through the audio issues.

[6:00] I know we don't sound as beautiful as we normally do.

[6:03] Stuart, in particular, his sonorous voice.

Elliott Kalan

[6:07] We're not doing it justice.

[6:08] But hopefully I will sound less nasal and whiny.

[6:11] I don't think that's going to happen.

[6:13] Dan and I had a really big fight.

[6:14] Wait a minute.

Stuart Wellington

[6:15] Dan and I had a really big fight at the beginning of the recording of the movie,

[6:18] so we're still working out our issues.

[6:20] So, bear with us.

[6:23] And Elliot's kind of being a baby.

[6:25] Bring that back.

[6:25] I don't understand how I'm being a baby.

[6:28] Let's just get on with the movies.

Elliott Kalan

[6:28] I asked you to change my diaper and feed me.

[6:31] Suddenly I'm a baby.

[6:32] They asked for a binky.

[6:34] But beyond that, I don't know.

[6:36] So, speaking of Elliot...

[6:38] I cried because my tooth was cutting through my gums.

[6:41] Suddenly I'm a baby.

Stuart Wellington

[6:43] This is the part of the podcast that our long-time listeners will remember

[6:48] is where Elliot tells us what actually happened in the movie.

[6:51] I'll try to do this.

Dan McCoy

[6:51] My soul to take.

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] The movie was called My Soul to Take, directed by Wesley Craven.

[6:57] And written by Wesley Craven.

[6:58] And written by Wesley Craven.

[7:00] North by Northwest Craven.

[7:03] And the reason I was being a baby is because these guys were arguing during the movie.

[7:07] It was making it hard for me to pay attention to it.

[7:09] Why?

[7:10] Because what was going on...

[7:11] Because what was going on with you was so much more dramatically interesting in your argument

[7:15] over the location of a bachelor party than this serial killer movie.

Stuart Wellington

[7:19] But I like how this movie is filled with all these crazy musical cues that come up once every two minutes.

[7:26] So it was like...

[7:27] I think it made our argument even more exciting.

Elliott Kalan

[7:29] Oh yeah.

[7:30] No.

[7:30] It was like your argument has soundtrack.

[7:32] Yeah.

[7:33] So should I say what this movie was about?

Dan McCoy

[7:35] Oh, please do.

[7:35] Because I still don't think I understand.

[7:37] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[7:38] It starts out...

[7:39] There's Raul Esparza, who you may know as the star of the recent revival of Steve and Sondheim's

[7:46] company on Broadway.

[7:48] Perhaps you saw it on PBS's great performances.

[7:50] Sure.

[7:51] He has appeared in a number of Sondheim productions.

[7:54] I actually just saw him in Tom Stoppard's Arcadia earlier this year.

[7:58] Anywho, Raul Esparza is a...

[8:01] That's for your podcast, Sond Opinions.

[8:04] That's my broadcast, my Broadway podcast.

[8:06] Sond Sond.

Elliott Kalan

[8:06] Sond.

[8:08] Whoa.

[8:09] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[8:09] The house cat is making a much earlier appearance than you did.

Elliott Kalan

[8:12] The house cat is a Broadway fan.

Stuart Wellington

[8:14] Yeah.

[8:14] I think it was the Anywho that brought him in.

[8:17] Anywho.

[8:18] It's like a mating call for the house cat.

Elliott Kalan

[8:21] Anywho.

[8:23] So Raul Esparza is a family man.

[8:26] He is painting a toy wooden rocking horse and a toy dollhouse.

[8:30] As dads do.

[8:31] As they do when they're craftsmen.

[8:33] As his wife watches a news story about a serial killer in their town called The Ripper.

[8:38] Pregnant wife.

[8:39] His pregnant wife, yes.

Stuart Wellington

[8:41] We know she's pregnant because in the first scene we see her belly.

[8:44] And then a little miniature hand to push against the inside of it.

[8:47] From the inside.

[8:48] Perfectly formed hand.

[8:49] Just as babies do.

Dan McCoy

[8:50] Pregnant listeners, write in and tell us if that happens.

[8:53] Whether you can see the full outline of your baby's hand pressing against your stomach.

Stuart Wellington

[8:58] Like your skin is like...

Dan McCoy

[9:00] Like latex.

Stuart Wellington

[9:01] It has the thickness of, I don't know, like a thousand count thread count sheet or something.

[9:05] Or like a balloon.

Elliott Kalan

[9:06] Sure.

[9:06] Like pushing through the side of a balloon.

[9:08] Mm-hmm.

[9:09] So anyway.

[9:11] He has a pregnant wife.

[9:12] It turned...

[9:12] He suddenly goes into a psychotic fit.

[9:14] This all takes about...

[9:15] This whole section I'm going to tell you takes about six minutes it feels like.

[9:20] Like it's all super quick.

[9:21] It gives you whiplash.

[9:22] He has a psychotic fit and discovers that he is actually The Ripper.

[9:26] He has multiple personality disorder.

[9:28] He goes crazy and kills his...

[9:32] Calls his psychiatrist and then finds out that he has killed his wife.

[9:36] A policeman comes in and he attacks the policeman.

[9:39] He attacks an EMT worker.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] Played by our good friend Eric Zuckerman.

Elliott Kalan

[9:44] Eric Zuckerman.

[9:44] Who is a good friend of ours.

[9:46] And...

[9:47] That's not a lie.

[9:47] No, yeah.

[9:48] It would be a strange lie.

[9:49] Since no one's heard of him.

[9:50] We know a guy named Eric Zuckerman.

[9:53] Perhaps you heard of him.

[9:54] He played Doomsday Guy in War of the Worlds.

[9:56] Mm-hmm.

[9:57] This has been...

[9:58] He played the guy.

[10:00] Name droppers.

Dan McCoy

[10:00] Name droppers.

[10:01] He played the guy at the pewter shop in the recent edition of The Office.

[10:05] Edition of The Office?

[10:07] Like an episode?

[10:08] Yeah.

[10:09] Sure.

[10:09] I have a first edition of The Office at home.

Elliott Kalan

[10:12] Signed by The Office.

[10:14] So he goes on a kill-crazy rampage.

[10:17] He's subdued.

[10:18] They think he's dead.

[10:19] He jumps up again.

[10:20] He's subdued.

[10:21] They take him in an ambulance along with the policeman who's been attacked.

[10:27] And...

[10:27] His knife.

[10:28] Eric Zuckerman is driving the ambulance.

[10:30] It turns out he is not sedated the killer.

[10:33] He attacks again.

[10:34] And the ambulance explodes.

Stuart Wellington

[10:36] Mm-hmm.

[10:36] And...

[10:36] I think their biggest mistake...

[10:38] Thus exits our friend from the movie.

[10:40] Yes.

[10:40] I think their biggest mistake was leaving the serial killer's knife on the serial killer's...

[10:46] In the serial killer's hand?

[10:48] Yeah.

[10:48] It seems like they would have bagged that for evidence.

Elliott Kalan

[10:50] The biggest mistake was leaving the knife in his hand and allowing him to just lie on a gurney

[10:54] unrestrained.

[10:55] Yes.

[10:56] Mm-hmm.

[10:57] When he has already faked his own death and slashed at them minutes before.

[11:01] Yes.

[11:01] It's not even like this is something they forgot happened.

[11:03] Yes.

[11:04] He played a good possum.

[11:06] Yes.

[11:07] Pogo possum.

[11:09] Yes.

[11:09] In Pogo the movie.

[11:12] Starring Raul Esparza as the lovable Pogo.

[11:18] You learn about politics and stuff, right?

[11:20] Broadway's Bernadette Peters as Mamsel Hepzibah, the lady skunk.

[11:25] Who do you see for Albert?

[11:26] I think...

[11:27] Oh, why can't I remember his name?

[11:29] You know, from the Larry Sanders show and Arrested Development.

[11:33] Oh, you think Jeffrey Tambor for Albert the Alligator.

[11:34] Jeffrey Tambor as Albert the Alligator.

[11:36] Oh, yeah.

[11:36] It's a must.

[11:37] And maybe Harlan Williams as the turtle Churchy Lafemme.

Stuart Wellington

[11:43] Harlan Williams is pretty busy nowadays.

Elliott Kalan

[11:45] That's true.

[11:46] If we can get into his schedule, perhaps.

Dan McCoy

[11:48] Maybe you get Zach Galifianakis for Porky.

Elliott Kalan

[11:50] Perfect.

[11:51] Perfect casting.

[11:53] Porky the Porcupine.

[11:54] Oh, I'm so much more interested in this movie.

[11:57] This could be a good Pogo movie.

[11:59] And we'll get Zack Snyder to direct it.

[12:01] Of course.

[12:02] And no, he's comics.

[12:03] Yeah, he's a big comics guy.

[12:05] And Joe Esterhaus.

[12:06] Oh, God, you're ruining it.

[12:08] You're ruining it.

[12:08] A lot of sex.

[12:09] A lot of sex and murder.

[12:10] One of my favorite things in the world you're ruining right now.

Stuart Wellington

[12:12] Pogo Pasta and Murder.

[12:13] Where's the schoolgirl outfit?

[12:14] Music by Angelo Bad Lamenti.

[12:17] Okay, well, it's getting better again.

[12:19] But it's mostly covers.

[12:20] I mean, inappropriate.

[12:21] Mostly covers of songs.

[12:22] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[12:24] Well...

[12:25] And one original song by Trisha Yearwood.

[12:30] Anywho, so...

[12:32] It's suddenly 16 years later.

[12:35] And there's a bunch of...

[12:36] Flash forward.

[12:37] Flash forward 16 years.

[12:38] There are seven kids in this town who were all born prematurely on the night the Ripper died.

[12:44] And they have this kind of hazing ritual where someone dresses up like the Ripper and then one of the kids has to, like...

[12:50] Wait.

[12:50] Has to fight him.

[12:52] The Riverton Ripper?

[12:53] The Riverton Ripper, yes.

[12:55] The very same.

[12:56] The very same Riverton Ripper.

[12:59] The kid in this case is a kid named Bug who is a shy guy, but he sees the world in kind of an offbeat way.

Dan McCoy

[13:05] Named after the William Friedkin film, I assume.

Elliott Kalan

[13:07] Yes, the hit William Friedkin film Bug, based on the play of the same name.

[13:11] And he's kind of a, like, shittier version of Brewster McCloud, in that he's a shy guy with no friends who makes a costume with giant wings.

[13:21] Anywho, again, to make a very long story short, there are a bunch of other kids at the school.

[13:28] They start being...

[13:28] But not for long.

[13:29] But not for long.

[13:29] They start being killed one by one.

[13:32] And it turns out that his sister, Fang, who runs the kind of mean girls clique that runs the school, is the daughter of the serial killer.

[13:43] He, Bug, is the son of the serial killer.

[13:46] He was the baby inside the pregnant woman's belly, and even though she died, the fetus was still alive, and they were able to pull him out, like Macduff in Macbeth.

Dan McCoy

[13:55] Ripped untimely from his mother's womb, he was.

Elliott Kalan

[13:58] And one of their friends...

[14:00] Sure.

[14:01] It seems that the soul of the Ripper has entered one of their friends and is killing everybody, or the Ripper is still alive and is back.

Stuart Wellington

[14:09] Either is equally plausible.

Elliott Kalan

[14:10] Or it could be Bug.

[14:12] He's the son of a serial killer and kind of crazy.

Stuart Wellington

[14:15] So, am I alone in thinking that in the first 30 minutes, the movie assumes that we know all these characters and have known them for quite a while?

Elliott Kalan

[14:22] Yeah, the movie seems to think that it is the sequel to a movie we saw already.

Stuart Wellington

[14:26] Or like we watch an entire season of this shitty high school drama, and then all of a sudden they're like, yeah, we're just going to wrap it up by killing everybody.

Elliott Kalan

[14:33] Yeah, although to be fair, you guys did argue a lot during the scenes where they were introducing these characters.

Dan McCoy

[14:37] But there was definitely like an assumption.

[14:39] I don't want to...

[14:40] By the way, I don't want to worry the Flophouse audience.

[14:42] Stuart and I have made up.

[14:44] Kind of.

[14:44] Okay, well, I mean, Stuart, I mean, like, there will always be scars.

[14:49] I can tell that Stuart's still irritated with me, like, deep down, but at the same time I can tell that it's going to be okay.

[14:54] So, uh...

[14:55] I mean, this isn't like a rift in the Flophouse, right?

Elliott Kalan

[14:58] No, no, no.

[14:58] Daddy? Other Daddy? Why are you fighting?

[15:01] Are you going to get a divorce? Is it because of me?

Stuart Wellington

[15:03] No, it's because I'm the cool dad.

[15:06] He's the Paul Reiser dad.

[15:09] Yep.

[15:10] Tough but fair.

[15:11] And we fight sometimes. It's the way it works.

[15:13] So I'm the daughter in my two dads?

[15:16] You're the daughter from...

[15:17] You're the cute daughter.

[15:18] She's out of this world.

Elliott Kalan

[15:20] Oh, that's awesome.

[15:21] So I can stop time and turn what?

[15:23] What else should I do? Turn invisible?

Stuart Wellington

[15:24] She got to pick one more power, but she did not pick any of them because they were all double-edged swords.

Elliott Kalan

[15:31] What? Well, I'll pick one of them.

Dan McCoy

[15:33] By the way, this should be the new Flophouse contest is that listeners should write in about what they imagined we were fighting about.

[15:40] Yeah, that's a good idea.

[15:42] I would enjoy that much more than thinking about our actual fight.

[15:46] But anyway...

[15:46] Because it still upsets you.

[15:48] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[15:48] Keep in mind this is the day that the nude photos of Scarlett Johansson were leaked on the internet, so...

[15:54] Yeah, it seemed like nothing was ever going to...

[15:55] And they were shockingly disappointed.

[15:56] Nothing was going to ruin anything ever again.

[15:58] So maybe that's what they were arguing about.

[16:00] It wasn't.

[16:00] But let your imagination soar.

[16:02] Yeah.

[16:03] With the egos.

[16:03] One was disappointing.

Dan McCoy

[16:04] One wasn't so much disappointing.

Elliott Kalan

[16:05] Anyway, we can save that for your perv cast.

[16:08] We've already established in previous podcasts that Dan is a perv who women are disgusted by.

[16:12] Despite his mild-mannered exterior, he is disgusted.

[16:16] Inside beats the heart of a rapist.

Dan McCoy

[16:17] Whoa.

[16:18] Whoa, you went way further then.

[16:20] What?

[16:20] You got it from him.

[16:21] It was a surgery transplant.

[16:22] Oh, okay.

[16:23] Unfortunately, he received the heart of a rapist in a transplant.

[16:25] It's like the movie Baboon Rapids starring Jeff Fagy.

Stuart Wellington

[16:29] Yeah, exactly.

[16:30] What?

[16:31] Baboon?

[16:32] So it's like untamed heart meets body parts.

Dan McCoy

[16:34] Yes.

[16:35] Well, the thing was it wasn't a baboon's heart of a baboon that was a rapist.

[16:39] It was someone who raped baboons.

[16:40] Yeah.

[16:40] Okay.

[16:41] So he...

[16:42] Wait.

[16:43] So the baboon wants to take it out on him.

Elliott Kalan

[16:45] But he was an organ donor, which you have to admire.

[16:47] Yeah.

[16:47] Wait, the baboon was an organ donor?

[16:49] No, the guy.

Stuart Wellington

[16:50] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[16:51] Yeah.

[16:51] It wasn't all bad.

[16:53] He cared about passing his baboon raping your heart on to others.

[16:56] I mean, his heart was bad.

Stuart Wellington

[16:57] We've agreed with that.

[16:58] Oh, yeah.

[16:59] That's why Dan is a perv to this day.

Dan McCoy

[17:01] Anyway, the point was...

[17:02] So at least part of it was bad.

[17:04] The point was, though, there was not enough character development laid down early on to

[17:09] make us care about these people dying.

Elliott Kalan

[17:11] They sketched them out in very broad strokes, and I kind of hoped...

[17:14] And we speak really quickly.

[17:15] Yeah.

[17:15] I think they kind of hoped that our knowledge of high school archetype characters would get

[17:21] us through this.

[17:21] Like, oh, that's the popular girl, and that's the religious girl, and that's the nerdy guy,

[17:25] and that's the bully.

[17:26] That's the girl named Fang.

[17:27] We all had one.

[17:28] Yeah.

[17:29] High school guys.

[17:30] Yep.

[17:30] They usually weren't the ones on the top of the heap.

[17:32] Usually Fang was on the bottom.

[17:34] But I think they overestimated how much we would give a shit about these characters.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:41] Because when they start dying, and they start dying, it's like suddenly in a big clump,

[17:46] a bunch of them are just killed one after the other, and it's not...

[17:49] You never get a sense of, like, who's it going to be next?

[17:52] Like, uh-oh.

[17:53] Who's going to be killed?

[17:54] Because suddenly they're all dead, and there's just a couple left, and then it's the end of

[17:57] the movie.

[17:58] But it feels very long.

[18:00] And you feel empty inside.

[18:02] And afterwards, you feel empty inside.

[18:03] I mean, I don't.

[18:04] I ate, like, a whole box of Popeyes beforehand.

[18:06] Yeah.

[18:07] So I feel pretty full.

Dan McCoy

[18:08] You and that burger.

[18:09] Oh, man, I...

Elliott Kalan

[18:10] And you have an evil heart inside you.

[18:11] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:12] I turn that burger apart.

[18:13] I can never feel empty inside, because I'm full of anger.

Elliott Kalan

[18:17] But eventually...

[18:18] Should I just talk about the end of the movie?

[18:19] Yeah, sure.

[18:19] Let's talk about it.

[18:20] Eventually, it turns out that one of the characters you thought it was, the main character's

[18:26] creepy best friend who keeps appearing and disappearing like a ghost...

[18:29] The most obvious suspect.

[18:31] Actually has...

Stuart Wellington

[18:31] The character that I, up until ten minutes before the end of the movie, still assumed was just

[18:36] like another personality.

[18:37] Like an imaginary friend of the main character.

Elliott Kalan

[18:39] It turns out the souls of the people who died that day have kind of jumped into the baby's

[18:44] born, and the Ripper jumped into his soul.

[18:47] And for some reason, I guess, waited 16 years to take over and start killing people.

[18:51] Yeah.

[18:52] And they fight, and the good guy kills the bad guy, and the end.

Stuart Wellington

[18:56] It's barely a fight.

[18:57] Like, when he finally confronts...

[18:58] When his friend finally confronts him, they, like, argue for a minute, and then he stabs

[19:02] him.

Elliott Kalan

[19:03] It's one of those fights you see in movies a lot where the bad guy decides to attack belly

[19:06] first, and the good guy happens to be holding a knife in his hand, and it goes into said belly.

Stuart Wellington

[19:11] Well, that's what makes him a hero, is that he holds a knife the right direction.

Elliott Kalan

[19:15] Yeah, well, it's like all the villains decided to use their sumo training at that moment.

Stuart Wellington

[19:19] Yeah, it's like the end of A NeverEnding Story, when that monster thing jumps at a tray

[19:24] and he stabs him.

Elliott Kalan

[19:25] No, the end of A NeverEnding Story is when Falkor rides into the real world and scares the bullies.

Stuart Wellington

[19:31] Wait, that actually happened?

[19:32] I thought that was all just a dream.

[19:33] Well, no, it was a movie.

[19:34] It didn't actually happen.

[19:35] It's not a documentary.

[19:36] The kid punches the air, and he's like, yeah!

[19:39] Take that air.

[19:39] When Bastion's riding on him.

[19:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:44] So it's a pretty, it's a very generic movie, and it's also never really explained how the

[19:49] Ripper, who we see as this big, hulking, kind of Rob Zombie-esque character, how that

[19:55] and this wimpy little kid are the same guy.

Stuart Wellington

[19:58] Well, the Ritch is almost like a dreamlike quality.

Elliott Kalan

[20:02] Couldn't even say it without laughing, could you?

Dan McCoy

[20:06] I mean, the premise of this film opens up to a lot of questions.

[20:10] I mean, one that I brought up during the movie was like, early in the film, I'm like,

[20:13] okay, I'm willing to accept that this demonic sort of killer character can jump from person

[20:19] to person, like he can inhabit.

[20:20] Like in the movie Ascension.

[20:22] Yeah, or Fallen.

Elliott Kalan

[20:23] Oh, that's what I meant.

[20:24] Fallen, not Ascension.

[20:25] It's the exact opposite.

Dan McCoy

[20:28] But then, like, the good characters, like, I mean, I'm not good, but the kids, like, all

[20:34] start...

[20:34] They're no good characters.

[20:35] They're all pretty bland.

[20:36] Like, they all start assembling, their souls start assembling within our main character,

[20:40] and I'm like, so this is what happens to everyone when they die?

[20:43] Yeah.

[20:43] Like, souls jump into other people?

Stuart Wellington

[20:45] I would have liked it more if each time he got a new soul, he gained some, like, abilities

[20:49] that that person had.

[20:50] Like, knowledge.

[20:51] Well, he probably should have, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:53] Some, like, knowledge that they had.

[20:53] I mean, the last soul he absorbs is of a blind kid, so that really wouldn't help him that much.

Dan McCoy

[20:57] I mean, well, he's got increased hearing, ability to use on his sticks.

[21:03] Yeah, you're right.

[21:03] Increased taste powers.

Elliott Kalan

[21:04] He does have increased senses and stick abilities.

[21:07] Stick ability.

[21:08] I mean, that is basically, there is basically Daredevil.

[21:10] He has better senses than he can use a stick.

[21:13] Yeah.

[21:14] That's what blind people are like.

[21:16] Yeah, we just covered that.

[21:18] But yeah, it's a movie that kind of makes up the rules as it goes along.

[21:22] It almost feels like a movie where they didn't know who the killer was going to be to the end.

[21:25] The only rule is there are no rules.

[21:28] Yeah, though that makes for bad movies.

[21:31] That makes for movies like Sucker Punch.

[21:34] Ah, yeah.

[21:35] But it's said that this is like a Wes Craven movie.

[21:39] Like, I don't love Wes Craven.

[21:40] I never thought of him as one of the great filmmakers, but, like, it seems like he's done much better than this before.

[21:47] It feels beneath him.

Dan McCoy

[21:48] We were all able to mention, like, a Wes Craven movie that we like.

[21:52] Yeah.

[21:53] You know, Stuart is a fan of the people under the stairs.

[21:56] Yeah, it's amazing.

[21:58] I think that the...

[21:59] Amazing is going a little far.

[22:00] I think the original Scream is good.

[22:03] I like New Nightmare.

[22:04] I also like New Nightmare.

Stuart Wellington

[22:05] I mean, yeah, it's pretty good.

[22:08] But people under the stairs.

[22:10] It's about people.

[22:11] What a Cracker Jack picture.

Elliott Kalan

[22:12] Why didn't they make People Under the Stairs 2 above the stairs?

Stuart Wellington

[22:17] That's going to have to be a movie in your mind, Elliot.

[22:20] They mean a book on tape?

[22:21] Yeah.

[22:22] Yeah, they're going to make a novelization of the sequel to...

[22:25] But they didn't even make the movie.

[22:27] I mean, they could make it, though.

Elliott Kalan

[22:28] Like, there's still time.

[22:29] That's like, years ago, they came out with a book of Blade Runner 2.

[22:32] Awesome.

[22:33] Do you guys remember that?

[22:34] Did they call it Blade Runner 2?

[22:35] Yes, it was a hardcover book that said in big letters on the cover, Blade Runner 2.

[22:39] Oh, nice.

Stuart Wellington

[22:40] Was it made in America?

[22:41] Or was it like the Italian zombie movies where they...

Elliott Kalan

[22:46] No, it was an authorized sequel to Blade Runner.

[22:48] Oh, okay.

[22:49] It was written by Alan Dean Foster.

[22:50] I don't think so.

[22:51] But he does write that kind of stuff a lot.

[22:53] He seems to live off of Transformers novels these days.

[22:57] By which you mean he eats them.

Dan McCoy

[22:59] Yes.

[23:00] He's a bibliophore.

[23:02] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[23:05] No.

[23:06] So, a lot of talk about this movie.

[23:08] It is very...

[23:08] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:09] This is a really generic movie.

Stuart Wellington

[23:11] For the first ten minutes, I thought the entire movie was just going to be, like, maybe a minute, maybe a minute and a half of stuff happening, and then somebody else waking up from a dream.

[23:23] Mm-hmm.

[23:23] Like, flash.

[23:24] There's a lot of that.

Elliott Kalan

[23:24] Somebody else just woke up.

[23:25] There's a lot of characters just suddenly waking up from dreams, and you start to wonder, like, is this, like, a stealth Freddy movie?

[23:32] Like, is this going to be a movie about a dream killer?

[23:34] But, no, it's not.

[23:35] I mean, they do inject a fair amount of Freddy into this Ripper character.

[23:40] Well, the Ripper starts...

[23:41] It's weird, because he starts out being really silent when he's killing people in the present, but then eventually he starts going, like, hey, bitch!

[23:48] You know, and stuff like that.

[23:49] You know, Freddy Krueger stuff.

[23:50] That sounds like Freddy.

[23:53] And it struck me as, I realized how weird it is that Freddy's catchphrase was basically just calling people bitch.

[23:59] Well, he was very catty.

[24:01] The same way that the memorable line from the Jason movies is, hey, asshole!

[24:04] Like, they really weren't working very hard.

Dan McCoy

[24:08] I mean, there is a memorable scene in this movie where...

[24:11] There is?

[24:12] The main character has done a presentation about the California condor.

[24:17] Oh, yeah.

[24:17] And then...

[24:18] His friend Alex.

[24:20] His friend, who turns out to be the Ripper, is wearing a giant Terry Gilliam-esque horrifying condor suit, which he uses to terrify the bully.

Elliott Kalan

[24:29] And then it sprays, like, this evil-smelling vomit.

Dan McCoy

[24:32] It sprays, like, vile and vomit all over...

[24:34] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[24:34] Much like condors apparently do.

[24:36] But Bug is...

[24:37] It, like, made this costume that day.

Dan McCoy

[24:39] But that also leads to, like, the weird, like, wacky end credits to the movie, where there's an animated condor and all of a sudden you're like...

[24:45] Wearing a vest.

[24:46] Yeah, it's like, is this a Pink Panther film?

[24:49] I don't understand.

[24:50] It's a very grim movie, and then all of a sudden, like, everything's okay, and here's a cartoon condor.

Elliott Kalan

[24:55] There are moments in the high school scenes where it feels like Wes Craven's trying to be very upbeat.

[24:59] And kind of, like, satirical.

[25:01] Yeah, Heatherzy, like, dark comedy-ish.

[25:03] But they don't mesh with the horror scenes.

[25:06] I mean, all the scenes are pretty dull.

[25:08] But some of them seem to be, like, an exaggerated high school movie, whereas others are just kind of rote-by-the-numbers horror stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[25:15] And it's tough to do, like, a goofy high school stuff and then also try and pair it with, like, kind of heavy, crappy, metaphysical, like, soul-based horror stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[25:30] Yeah.

[25:30] I mean, it wasn't horror, but kind of Donnie Darko achieves that to a certain extent.

[25:34] Kind of, like, joke high school scenes, but then also kind of, like, over-the-top, heavy science fiction stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[25:41] But if Donnie Darko was successful, it was because it seems at least somewhat patient when it does that stuff.

[25:49] Yeah.

[25:49] I'll give you that.

[25:49] Whereas this movie is, like, trying to blast through its runtime as quickly as possible.

Elliott Kalan

[25:53] It does feel like there are moments where it's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, souls move from body to body.

[25:56] Anyway, let's go.

Dan McCoy

[25:57] Killer.

[25:58] And the weird thing about this, I mean, like, I, you know, I commented on it at the time, like, there's a scene at the end where it's almost like a Columbo episode where the guy's laying out, like, oh, okay, well, you had time, like, he's like, you're the killer because you had time to go over here and over here.

[26:14] And, like, now your ear is bleeding and I hit you in the ear before.

Elliott Kalan

[26:18] He says, your ear, there's blood on your ear, almost as if you were hit in the head with a vase.

[26:23] And it flashes back to him hitting the killer in the head with a vase.

[26:27] It's like, well, there are many number of reasons someone's ears can bleed.

Stuart Wellington

[26:30] I mean, it does look like a vase wound.

Dan McCoy

[26:35] It's got those telltale vase shards.

[26:38] There's a rose thorn in your ear.

Stuart Wellington

[26:40] The funniest thing about it, though, is they take a really long time him explaining to his friend why his friend could be the killer.

[26:45] And guess what?

[26:47] His friend turns out to be the killer.

[26:48] Like, it's not like that's all disproved or, like, it's all red herring.

[26:53] No, it's just a really long way to find out that this guy is.

Elliott Kalan

[26:56] Or even as if his friend was multiple personality and didn't know he was the killer.

Dan McCoy

[27:01] Which they don't really even do that.

[27:03] Yeah.

[27:03] And that's Wes Craven, like, flashing back to Scream.

[27:07] He's like, let me graft the end of Scream onto this more, like, exorcist-y, like, soul-based kind of horror movie.

[27:17] Like, a different genre of horror movie, like, now is getting this, like, Scooby-Doo ending where it's like, you were the killer all along.

[27:24] It reminds me of the ending of the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[27:25] John Knotts?

[27:27] That's right!

[27:29] I did it!

Dan McCoy

[27:31] And I'd kill them all again!

[27:32] I love to feel the warmth of blood as it flows over my hands!

[27:37] It's the only thrill I have!

Stuart Wellington

[27:41] Oh, maybe these fall a long way after the apple dumplings.

Elliott Kalan

[27:44] Yeah, that's the apple-y.

[27:46] But it reminded me of the ending of the movie Identity with John Cusack, where you learn the whole thing is happening inside of one person's head.

[27:54] Yeah, John Cusack's head, right?

[27:56] No, John Cusack's one of the personalities inside of a bald prisoner's head.

[27:59] Wait, what are you talking about?

[28:00] Oh, boy.

Dan McCoy

[28:02] But isn't there, like, a little kid murdering all these people inside John Cusack?

[28:06] It's not inside John Cusack.

[28:07] It's inside a prisoner's head.

[28:09] Okay.

[28:10] That big guy from the movie Heavy.

[28:12] With the wacky eyeballs.

[28:12] Oh, John Heavy.

Elliott Kalan

[28:13] Yeah, sure.

[28:14] But he is...

[28:15] There's a part where John Cusack is like, of course.

[28:18] And they show...

[28:18] The kid, who's the murderous personality, they show him literally, like, how he accomplished each of the...

[28:24] And it's like, you don't have to fucking show us this.

[28:26] It's not real.

[28:27] It happened inside of a crazy person's head.

[28:29] Like, you don't need logic here.

Stuart Wellington

[28:30] It's like...

[28:31] You're not like, this is how a little kid could actually murder a full-grown man.

[28:36] Yeah.

[28:36] Of course, while we were looking away, he crept over here.

[28:39] No, it's not real.

[28:40] Like, it doesn't have to follow...

[28:40] Like, thanks, Encyclopedia Brown.

[28:41] I need to fucking find out this one.

[28:43] Because I was racking my brain with the brain teaser of how this kid jumped out of a window and chopped a guy's hat off.

[28:49] Turns out it's because none of them are real.

[28:52] This is all stupid craziness.

[28:54] I wasted my entire time...

[28:55] My entire afternoon watching this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[28:57] Very few movies that I wished...

[28:58] I was so glad that one that I saw it for free.

Dan McCoy

[29:02] I mean, the thing is, like, as just, like, a sheer, like, exercise and, like, okay, like, moment-to-moment movie making, I'm like, oh, I'm enjoying this.

[29:10] But then at the end, I was like, this is fucking retarded.

[29:13] What, identity?

[29:14] Or...

[29:14] Yeah, this is...

[29:15] This does not make any...

[29:16] Beginning to end, that was stupid.

Stuart Wellington

[29:18] Uh, yeah, I'd rather watch My Soul to Take.

Elliott Kalan

[29:21] Than Identity?

[29:22] I don't know if I'd go that far.

[29:23] Because Identity is crazy.

[29:25] Okay.

[29:26] But My Soul to...

[29:27] So that's my recommendation for tonight.

[29:28] There's Identity?

[29:29] No, and it's not...

Stuart Wellington

[29:30] There's a Ripper character in this one that I like that sounds a little bit like Freddy.

Elliott Kalan

[29:34] He does occasionally...

[29:35] But he never becomes his own character.

[29:37] That's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[29:38] No, he looks like Rob Zombie.

Elliott Kalan

[29:39] He looks like Rob Zombie.

[29:41] He just kind of talks like this occasionally.

Stuart Wellington

[29:42] Possibly in an attempt to vilify Rob Zombie.

Elliott Kalan

[29:46] When Rob Zombie's doing that himself.

[29:48] Yeah.

[29:48] Just fine.

[29:49] Actually, no, he's not.

[29:50] He seems like a pleasant enough fellow.

[29:52] In his...

[29:52] In the movies, he hosts Return of Classic movies every now and then.

Dan McCoy

[29:55] He seems very, you know, very keen on putting his wife, Sharon Moon Zombie, on display in

[30:02] each of his films.

[30:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[30:04] I mean, I don't...

[30:04] Purv cast.

Stuart Wellington

[30:04] Purv cast material.

[30:05] No, I'm just saying he's a sharing fellow.

Dan McCoy

[30:08] I cannot mention...

[30:09] Purv alert.

[30:09] It's like you have a...

Elliott Kalan

[30:11] It's like your brain is a nudity-seeking missile.

[30:14] Like, what is...

[30:15] It's like you can't go 10 seconds without thinking of a way to turn it to boobs.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] Do they have those?

[30:20] Do they have nudity-seeking missiles?

[30:22] They don't.

[30:22] How much do they cost?

Stuart Wellington

[30:25] Can I get seven?

[30:26] Do they just...

[30:26] When they detonate, do they just create a wind effect like the end of screwballs blowing

[30:31] all the tops off of women?

[30:32] Yeah, just blowing clothes off.

Elliott Kalan

[30:33] But it seeks nudity, so it's not like it's...

[30:35] It's not looking for clothed women.

Stuart Wellington

[30:37] Well, maybe so that the clothed women near the nude women get their tops blown off, too.

[30:41] Oh, okay.

[30:42] So, like, the...

Elliott Kalan

[30:43] Where are they hanging out?

[30:44] There are these nude women with clothed women hanging around.

Stuart Wellington

[30:46] Like, at a school assembly or...

[30:48] Why are there nude women at a school assembly?

[30:50] Some of those nude women clothed women mixers.

[30:52] They're like, see how the other half went.

[30:53] Oh, good point.

[30:54] Topless football match.

Elliott Kalan

[30:55] Uh-huh.

[30:56] Played in the mud.

[30:57] Like HOTS.

[30:57] Yeah.

[30:58] Like the movie HOTS, which stands for Hot Ots.

[31:02] I guess, right?

[31:04] Like, what is that?

[31:05] It's got initials.

[31:06] What does it stand for?

[31:07] The movie's H-O-T-S.

[31:09] I can't.

[31:09] I bet you...

[31:10] I bet you...

Elliott Kalan

[31:10] I bet you some...

[31:12] I bet you some listener of this podcast knows what HOTS stands for.

[31:16] Right in.

[31:17] Right in, because we're too lazy to Google.

Stuart Wellington

[31:19] I'm not Googling that.

[31:19] So we can talk about it at parties.

Elliott Kalan

[31:21] What parties are we at?

[31:23] The people are interested in this.

Stuart Wellington

[31:24] We've gone to some fucking parties, dude.

[31:25] You're at HOTS parties?

[31:27] Well, we talk about HOTS sometimes.

[31:30] I'm not going to let you in on them.

[31:31] We've done a lot of things.

[31:32] Contemporary poetry, politics, HOTS.

[31:35] That's...

[31:35] These are sophisticated parties.

[31:38] The three major topics of our time.

[31:40] Yeah, I mean, I'd call them the pillars.

Elliott Kalan

[31:42] Just me and David Remnick and Lionel Trilling, talking about HOTS.

Dan McCoy

[31:46] Two internal parodies of the...

[31:48] Yeah, come on.

[31:50] So, My Soul to Take.

Elliott Kalan

[31:51] My Soul to Take.

[31:52] It's got an irritating name.

[31:54] It does.

[31:54] Terrible title.

[31:55] Hard to remember.

[31:56] It was released in 3D originally, but not filmed in 3D, and you can tell.

[31:59] That's a good sign.

[32:00] And it was the lowest grossing 3D film at the time.

[32:03] At the time.

[32:04] I read in Wikipedia that that was replaced by Gulliver's Travels.

Stuart Wellington

[32:09] The movie where the ad for it shows Jack Black saying,

[32:13] It hurts my butt.

[32:16] Well, look.

[32:17] They boiled it down.

[32:17] That was from the original Jonathan Swift.

[32:19] That was...

Dan McCoy

[32:20] You can't blame Jack Black.

Elliott Kalan

[32:23] A lot of Gulliver's Travels, the book is about his butt getting hurt.

[32:26] By big guys, little guys, horse people.

[32:29] They just love to hurt his butt.

[32:32] It's much like...

[32:32] There's a scene early...

[32:34] I mean, there's a lot of scenes in Don Quixote that are...

[32:35] The book that are basically just slapstick.

[32:37] But I remember reading it, and there's a scene at the beginning where Don Quixote mixes up...

[32:40] What he says is medicine, but it's just garbage.

[32:43] And he makes...

[32:43] He drinks it and makes Sancho Panza drink it.

[32:45] And they're just pooping and throwing up all over the place.

[32:48] And it's...

[32:48] I'm reading it, and I'm like, wait a minute.

[32:50] What?

[32:52] Like, seriously?

[32:53] This is what's going on?

[32:55] It's like, dumb and dumber over here.

[32:57] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[32:58] So let's put this to bed.

[33:01] Let's talk about our final judgments on this film.

[33:04] Final judgments, bitch.

[33:05] Final judgments.

[33:07] Is this a good, bad movie?

[33:09] A bad, bad movie?

[33:10] Or a movie you actually kind of like?

[33:11] Stewart, go.

Stuart Wellington

[33:13] Well, like the Riverton Ripper, I believe that the movie My Soul to Take stinks.

[33:21] Wait.

[33:22] Yeah, why would?

Elliott Kalan

[33:23] I don't understand how that goes.

[33:24] Are you saying you think the Riverton Ripper stinks?

[33:27] Yeah, he lives in the woods, and he doesn't bathe.

[33:28] The Riverton Ripper thinks that the movie stinks?

Stuart Wellington

[33:31] No, I'm thinking the character stinks, because he doesn't bathe.

[33:34] He's got that crazy hair.

[33:36] But he's just...

[33:36] He's that kid.

[33:37] He does bathe.

[33:38] Oh.

[33:39] So wait.

[33:40] He's not the original guy who's just lived in the woods?

Elliott Kalan

[33:44] No, his soul jumped into a kid's body.

Stuart Wellington

[33:46] Okay, I don't know if I can give a judgment.

[33:48] I didn't really pay the expense.

[33:51] Well, then all of your judgments in the past have been rendered.

Elliott Kalan

[33:54] Yeah, because usually with a fine-tooth comb, you're going over these films.

[33:58] Often Stewart's like, let's rewind that scene.

[34:00] I think there's some nuances that we missed.

[34:02] I think on second viewing, I might be able to uncover some more layers.

Dan McCoy

[34:05] I have to look it over.

[34:08] I'm going to say...

[34:09] What about you, Daniel-san?

[34:11] Well, I'll give it points for employing our good friend Eric Zuckerman.

[34:17] Casting agents in Los Angeles.

[34:19] Please keep an eye out for him.

[34:21] He's a great young talent.

[34:24] Otherwise, I did not care for this film.

[34:27] I found it difficult to follow and unpleasant.

[34:32] So, Elliot, what do you have to say?

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] I think maybe my top ten of the decade.

[34:35] I think it goes, Zodiac, Toy Story 3, My Soul to Take.

[34:41] Wow.

[34:42] No, it was a bad, bad movie.

[34:43] Okay.

[34:44] I really like that.

[34:45] Those other two movies are too good.

Stuart Wellington

[34:46] You really like that part where the Ripper cut the Christian girl's throat and a shitload

[34:53] of CGI blood.

[34:53] Did I love that part?

[34:54] You were saying it looked really real.

Elliott Kalan

[34:56] No.

[34:57] Yeah, there's a lot of CGI blood in the throat cutting scenes.

[35:00] I believe I said it was the worst CGI blood since Zatoichi.

Stuart Wellington

[35:03] And there was no dancing, although the end credits were pretty close.

Elliott Kalan

[35:06] Yeah, that was close to the dancing in Zatoichi, except Zatoichi dancing was awesome.

[35:11] But I'm not a fan of CGI blood.

[35:13] There doesn't have to be so much fake blood in a scene.

[35:16] Just a little bit of, like, caro syrup is better than, like, torrents of computer blood.

[35:21] Yeah.

[35:22] Sylvester Stallone.

[35:24] Yeah, take that, Sly.

[35:26] And Sylvester the cat.

[35:27] You know what I'm talking about.

[35:29] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[35:31] Now that Stuart is back from wandering off into the kitchen to get some water.

Elliott Kalan

[35:39] I don't know why you're narrating.

[35:40] They didn't notice.

[35:41] The audience didn't know he got up and came back.

Dan McCoy

[35:43] Well, I kept acting as if I was about to say something, and then I felt like I needed to

[35:47] finish that thought.

Elliott Kalan

[35:48] But they can't see that you're doing that.

Dan McCoy

[35:50] Well, they can hear.

[35:51] No, they can't.

[35:51] This is not a videocast.

[35:54] Oh, yeah, it's true.

[35:56] I want to take care of some business first.

[35:58] Probably the best.

[35:59] Yeah.

[35:59] I want to say, first off, a donation thanks to Kelly H.

[36:05] Thank you.

[36:05] Thanks, Kelly.

[36:06] Thank you, Kelly.

[36:07] Donating to the podcast.

[36:08] I also want to say, I got an email today about the 7th Annual Podcast Awards.

[36:12] Did we win?

[36:13] No, no.

[36:14] But.

[36:15] We lost.

[36:16] The nominating period will open tomorrow, but that will be in the past by this time.

[36:23] Whoa, you're hurting my brain, Isaac Asimov.

[36:25] I'm almost here.

[36:26] So what date does the nominating process open?

[36:29] September 15th?

[36:30] The nominating process opens on the 15th.

[36:32] We will have some sort of link up on the site.

[36:36] If you wish to nominate the Flophouse in all qualifying categories for your favorite podcast.

[36:41] What qualifying categories would those be?

Elliott Kalan

[36:43] Probably like best podcast.

[36:46] Sexiest podcast.

[36:47] Best thing ever in the world.

[36:48] Funniest podcast.

[36:50] Handsomest podcast host, Ellie Kalin.

[36:52] Handsomest podcast host, Stuart Wellington.

[36:55] You said that.

Dan McCoy

[36:57] Coolest podcast.

[36:59] I can't help but think that I've been snubbed.

[37:02] Best DuckTales themed podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[37:05] That was just one episode.

[37:07] What were we even talking?

[37:07] Oh yeah, it was How to Kill Scrooge McDuck.

[37:09] Yeah.

[37:10] Bury him in his money pit.

[37:11] No one can hear him.

[37:13] Just cover him with coins.

[37:14] Everyone assumes he drowned and it was an accident.

[37:16] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[37:17] And that number one dime is all mine.

Dan McCoy

[37:21] I'm beginning to think that Stuart is magic at a spell.

[37:24] Or Flint Glomgold.

[37:25] Flint Hart Glomgold.

[37:27] Please.

Elliott Kalan

[37:28] Please.

[37:28] I know him well enough that I just call him Flint.

[37:30] Okay.

[37:31] Our man Flint.

[37:33] He's a duck.

Dan McCoy

[37:34] Okay.

[37:35] Well, anyway.

[37:35] Our duck Flint.

[37:37] So, some emails.

Elliott Kalan

[37:39] Some electronic mails.

[37:41] Okay.

[37:42] Mail from the electrons.

[37:45] Dear Flophouse, I'm very tiny being an electron.

[37:47] But I really enjoy listening to your podcast.

[37:50] I don't have ears, but I do have a negative charge.

[37:52] Anyway.

[37:53] How can I get a girlfriend?

[37:54] Signed E-electron.

[37:56] Signed A-E-electron.

[37:59] How do I get a girlfriend?

Stuart Wellington

[38:02] Oh, we're that kind of a podcast.

[38:04] I didn't realize we're a romance podcast.

[38:07] Here's a pro tip for you, E-electron.

[38:11] Buy a girl some flowers.

[38:13] They love that.

[38:14] Wait, that's a pro tip?

[38:16] It's a pro tip.

[38:17] It's a tip from the pros.

[38:18] I guess boyfriend?

[38:20] Professional boyfriend?

[38:21] Because that's a gigolo.

[38:22] Yeah, I mean, I'd be up for it.

[38:27] Well, we'll sign the contract later.

Dan McCoy

[38:28] Sure.

[38:29] So, this email is titled,

[38:32] Emilio Molestavez.

[38:34] And it says,

[38:35] Hi gang, just wanted to say thanks to Elliot

[38:37] from his enlightened and insightful critique

[38:39] of Sucker Punch's women problems.

[38:42] Hey, no problem.

[38:43] I was just heartened to read a lot of fanboy reactions

[38:45] to Sucker Punch that painted it as some sort of

[38:47] triumph for female-driven action films

[38:49] and not the degrading spank bank material it really is.

[38:53] Obviously, I turned to the Flophouse

[38:54] for all my feminist film criticism.

[38:56] Oof, with Pervo McCoy over here?

[38:58] But that episode really hit it out of the park,

[39:01] especially since you also analyzed

[39:03] the Switch-a-rooney poster.

[39:05] Also, Dan, please don't listen to this Brad clown.

[39:07] A full hour of Flophouse is perfect.

[39:10] Stuart, just keep doing what you're doing, buddy.

[39:12] Ashley, last name without.

[39:14] Yes.

[39:14] Now, I mean, I have one objection to this.

[39:17] What's that?

[39:17] And that is, I feel that, Stuart, you and I,

[39:20] I feel like you and I also joined in on the feminist critique

[39:23] of Sucker Punch.

[39:23] Sucker Punch.

[39:23] We had this conversation before.

[39:25] But we had it over email.

[39:26] Oh, okay.

[39:27] That's why.

[39:27] I was like...

[39:28] But, Elliot, you get all the credit for some reason.

Elliott Kalan

[39:31] I made the strongest argument, and I believed it the most,

[39:35] and I'm not a total Pervozoid.

Stuart Wellington

[39:37] And I was just making fart sounds, probably.

Elliott Kalan

[39:39] Yeah.

[39:39] But funny.

Stuart Wellington

[39:40] No, I'm hilarious.

[39:43] Let's be honest.

Dan McCoy

[39:45] You are a total Pervozoid.

Elliott Kalan

[39:46] I keep my total Pervozoidness hidden behind my countenance.

[39:50] Well, I'm the lock and key.

[39:51] I don't talk about it in public.

[39:52] It's a private thing between me and my computer and my penis.

[39:55] Maybe I'm a more honest person.

Dan McCoy

[39:57] Nope.

[39:57] More honest and open.

[39:59] Nope.

[39:59] And I should be valued for that.

[40:00] We all wear a mask.

[40:01] What's up?

Elliott Kalan

[40:02] Some are silk and some are leather,

[40:04] and yours you don't wear, which you should,

[40:06] because your soul is hideous.

Dan McCoy

[40:08] How's that working out for you, Dan?

[40:10] I think that people have responded to it well,

[40:12] in general.

[40:13] Yeah, positively, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[40:14] I am amazed you are not in jail.

[40:18] I will say, there was an article in the AV Club today

[40:21] about Soccer Punch that made the interesting point

[40:23] that Zack Snyder thought he was making a movie

[40:26] decrying the objectification of women,

[40:28] and I think he failed.

Dan McCoy

[40:32] Yeah, he did the opposite day, apparently.

[40:34] It was an interesting article,

[40:37] because I could sort of see the argument

[40:39] of what he was trying to say,

[40:41] but even if he legitimately was trying to say it,

[40:43] he did it wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[40:45] Yes, and it came off as Spank Bank material.

[40:47] Yeah.

[40:47] But not like one of those good Spank Banks

[40:49] that you can trust.

[40:50] Yeah.

[40:51] Like a Spank Bank run by a drug boss.

Dan McCoy

[40:53] Sure.

[40:53] One of those Spank Banks that needed to be bailed out

[40:57] during the Spank Bank crisis.

[40:58] Yeah, with taxpayer sperm.

Elliott Kalan

[41:01] And then look at them,

[41:02] they're giving each other bonuses.

[41:04] Meanwhile, we're paying higher taxes in sperm.

Stuart Wellington

[41:10] I'm trying to find a way to link bonus to boners.

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] I can see the look on your face

[41:16] as you immediately latched onto the word bonus.

[41:20] Good enough.

[41:21] I mean, good enough that you recognize.

Dan McCoy

[41:23] So see, I've harnessed...

[41:24] Words sound like other words.

Elliott Kalan

[41:25] I've heard it harnessed my perversion

[41:27] for the greater good,

[41:28] is what I'm saying.

Stuart Wellington

[41:30] Okay, well this is...

[41:32] Well, thank you, Ashley.

[41:33] Last name without...

[41:33] Thank you very much.

[41:34] It was very nice.

Dan McCoy

[41:35] Glad you appreciated it.

[41:37] This message is titled,

[41:38] Twin Sitters Premium.

[41:40] Is that the membership level of Twin Sitters?

Elliott Kalan

[41:44] Or is that like Twin Sitters on Reddit?

Stuart Wellington

[41:47] Well, you get extra content when you get...

Elliott Kalan

[41:48] Wow.

[41:49] Then why are we not members?

Dan McCoy

[41:52] This says,

[41:53] Firstly, I just wanted to say congrats

[41:55] on getting in on the AV Club

[41:57] and your first live event.

[41:58] Yes.

[41:59] Sadly, I was unable to attend

[42:00] because I live in Mississippi,

[42:02] which is both geographically and culturally

[42:04] a long way from New York.

Elliott Kalan

[42:06] May I put up the...

[42:06] Hey, come on.

[42:07] There's a lot of great places in this country.

[42:08] Let's not put them down.

[42:09] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[42:10] See?

[42:11] Run for office or...

[42:12] Yeah, governor of Mississippi.

[42:14] Uh...

[42:16] May I put out the suggestion

[42:17] that you guys record

[42:18] some sort of running commentary

[42:19] on Twin Sitters a la Riff Trax

[42:21] and put it up on iTunes

[42:22] as a premium episode?

[42:24] The money you make off the downloads

[42:26] can go towards helping Dan

[42:27] pay for the site

[42:28] or more beer and Popeyes.

[42:30] Either way,

[42:30] I've been a fan for a long time

[42:31] and it would be nice

[42:32] to at least get part of

[42:33] what the live audience got to enjoy.

[42:35] P.S.

[42:35] A few episodes ago,

[42:36] you started a contest

[42:37] with no prize

[42:39] that was quickly forgotten about.

Elliott Kalan

[42:40] Sounds like one of our contests.

Dan McCoy

[42:42] That said,

[42:43] I thought I'd throw my...

[42:44] Just finding that out

[42:45] is solving a contest.

[42:48] That said,

[42:48] I thought I'd throw my suggestion out

[42:50] before the contest

[42:51] Ruiner beats me to it.

[42:52] You asked what the

[42:53] Flophouse house cat

[42:54] would look like.

[42:55] I've always pictured him

[42:56] to be like the cat

[42:57] from the insane Japanese

[42:58] cult film House.

[42:59] It's white, fluffy,

[43:00] has glowing eyes,

[43:01] and is possessed by a demon.

[43:03] It's perfect.

[43:03] And that's from Sean,

[43:04] last name with Held.

[43:05] Well, thank you, Sean.

Elliott Kalan

[43:06] Sorry you couldn't make it

[43:07] to the Twin Sitters event.

[43:09] It was amazing.

[43:10] It was pretty great.

[43:11] Stuart called a guy

[43:12] by his wrong name,

[43:13] and we embarrassed

[43:15] our wives and fiancé.

Dan McCoy

[43:17] I mean,

[43:17] that is a good idea.

[43:19] There are two problems with it.

[43:21] Number one,

[43:22] it would require

[43:23] watching Twin Sitters again.

[43:24] Yeah.

[43:25] And number two...

[43:26] So you're saying

[43:26] it would be too pleasurable?

[43:28] Yeah.

[43:29] Number two,

[43:30] obviously,

[43:31] I'm having enough

[43:32] technical problems

[43:33] not having hip-hop

[43:35] occur in the background

[43:36] of our podcast.

[43:37] Yeah.

[43:37] So figuring out

[43:38] how to do a

[43:39] riff track style

[43:41] commentary

[43:43] where we would not

[43:44] be recording

[43:44] the audio

[43:45] of the movie

[43:46] we're watching.

[43:46] We'd have to be

[43:46] wearing headphones

[43:47] to watch the movie.

[43:49] And that would

[43:51] be some sort of

[43:51] super scientific...

[43:53] We've watched that movie

Stuart Wellington

[43:53] so many times, though.

[43:55] We don't need to hear it.

[43:56] We know it word for word.

[43:57] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:57] We could watch it

[43:59] with the caption,

[43:59] although I love to hear

[44:00] the songs.

Stuart Wellington

[44:02] Maybe the songs

[44:03] are captioned.

[44:04] Yeah, I hope so.

[44:05] I wonder if it is

[44:06] closed captioned.

Elliott Kalan

[44:07] If it's a DVD,

[44:07] it'll probably have

[44:08] subtitles or captions

[44:09] on it, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[44:10] I mean, you wouldn't want

[44:11] somebody who's hard of hearing

[44:12] to miss out

[44:13] on the Twin Cities.

[44:14] No, not at all.

[44:15] What is that,

[44:16] a super cut?

Elliott Kalan

[44:17] One of the pinnacles

[44:18] of Western art.

[44:19] Yeah.

[44:20] Yeah, it's right up there

[44:20] with the Don Quixote

[44:21] poop and vomit scene.

Stuart Wellington

[44:23] So we are working on it

[44:25] to answer your question.

[44:27] Yes, we are

Elliott Kalan

[44:27] our top minds

[44:28] are on the pinnacle.

Stuart Wellington

[44:29] To lie to you,

[44:30] we will say

[44:31] we are working on it.

[44:32] We could work on it.

[44:33] Yes.

[44:34] I mean, you can continue

[44:35] to antagonize

[44:37] our listener, Dan,

[44:39] or you can try

[44:40] and make a,

[44:41] you can give some

[44:42] platitudes like I am.

[44:43] It's not me.

Elliott Kalan

[44:43] It's my baboon heart.

[44:44] I thought it wasn't

[44:46] a baboon heart.

[44:46] I think it's a good idea.

[44:48] I think it is a good idea.

[44:49] And we can try,

[44:50] we'll see.

[44:50] I don't think if,

[44:51] we'll try to get it up

[44:52] at some point maybe,

[44:53] but it won't be soon.

Dan McCoy

[44:54] Although we have,

[44:55] I mean,

[44:55] we have talked about

[44:56] doing another live event

[44:57] in the winter.

[44:59] I don't know if it'll

[44:59] change the fact

[45:00] that he's in Mississippi,

[45:01] but yeah.

[45:02] Well, maybe by then

[45:02] he will move

[45:03] to a better state.

[45:04] Whoa!

[45:06] Wowzers!

[45:06] There it is.

[45:07] There's the antagonist.

[45:08] There he goes, yeah.

[45:11] Jake's last name

[45:12] withheld writes in

[45:13] and says,

[45:14] Hey!

[45:14] I'm going to assume

[45:14] his last name

[45:15] is The Snake.

Stuart Wellington

[45:17] I thought it was

[45:17] going to be

[45:18] and the fat man.

Elliott Kalan

[45:21] Jake N.T. Fat Man.

Dan McCoy

[45:24] He writes in

[45:25] to say,

[45:26] Hey dudes!

[45:29] It sounds like

[45:29] my kind of guy.

[45:31] That's three U's.

[45:33] I never really

[45:34] listened to podcasts

[45:35] until a friend of mine

[45:36] recommended this to me

[45:37] about six months ago.

[45:38] I listened to

[45:39] the famed Bratz episode

[45:40] and immediately

[45:41] was addicted.

[45:41] I assumed

[45:42] there were other podcasts

[45:44] as good as yours

[45:44] out there,

[45:45] but after hours

[45:45] of searching,

[45:46] I found nothing.

[45:47] So congratulations!

[45:48] You're the best!

[45:49] And now,

[45:49] Thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[45:50] for my question.

[45:51] Oh boy.

[45:52] They always want something.

[45:53] We give and we give

[45:54] and they take and they take.

[45:55] Is the mic on?

[45:56] He says,

Dan McCoy

[45:58] If you had to fight

[45:59] one character

[46:00] from a movie

[46:00] you've watched

[46:02] on the podcast,

[46:03] who would it be?

[46:04] Perhaps Sir Ben Kingsley,

[46:05] although he seemed

[46:06] to be a match

[46:06] for the Prince of Persia.

[46:08] Yeah,

[46:09] that was big.

[46:10] It made no sense.

[46:11] I wouldn't fight him.

[46:12] He's way tough!

[46:13] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:14] He's wiry.

[46:16] He's a wiry,

[46:17] old fellow.

[46:18] I wouldn't fight

[46:19] the guy from Beastly

[46:20] because he was super strong.

[46:22] Yeah,

[46:22] he was Beastly.

[46:24] Maybe the,

[46:25] oh,

[46:26] I have my answer,

[46:26] but whenever you're.

[46:28] I'm just working through it.

[46:29] I wouldn't fight

[46:30] the Olsen twin

[46:31] from Beastly

[46:31] because she's magic.

[46:33] Really?

[46:33] Do you remember

[46:34] any movie for Beastly?

Elliott Kalan

[46:35] I'll say,

[46:36] I would fight

[46:36] the angels from Legion

[46:37] because you could just

[46:38] push them over

[46:39] and they dissolve

[46:40] into dust.

[46:42] It literally

[46:43] is like boxing

[46:44] a baby.

[46:46] We went over this

[46:47] in detail

[46:47] in the Legion episode.

Dan McCoy

[46:50] I think I might

[46:50] fight one of the,

[46:51] um,

[46:53] one of the Neanderthals

[46:54] from 10,000 BC

[46:55] if I was allowed

[46:56] a Uzi

[46:57] to go up

[46:59] against their spear

[47:00] just out of

[47:01] pure spite

[47:03] for them boring me

[47:04] for a couple of hours.

[47:06] But you'd have to see

[47:06] them hunt mannocks.

[47:07] Yeah.

[47:08] You know what?

[47:08] What we call mammoths.

[47:09] I've decided

Stuart Wellington

[47:10] I'd fight the kid

[47:11] from Gooby

[47:11] because he's a little pussy.

[47:13] Wow.

[47:14] He's like a little kid.

[47:15] I can beat him up.

[47:16] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[47:17] I mean,

[47:18] I mean,

[47:18] Gooby might swoop in.

[47:19] I see a cop and a half

[47:21] type scenario coming

[47:22] where the kid

[47:23] turns out to be

[47:23] more than you can handle.

[47:27] Um...

[47:27] Kid with a badge.

Dan McCoy

[47:29] It's the worst kind.

[47:31] This next one

[47:32] is from Jake last name.

[47:33] Oh, sorry.

[47:34] That was the last one.

[47:35] Sorry.

[47:35] Jake the Snake

[47:35] and the Fat Man.

[47:36] This one's from Jordan.

[47:38] Last name with help.

[47:40] He says,

[47:40] I just listened to

[47:41] your podcast

[47:43] about old dogs,

[47:44] which was awesome,

[47:44] by the way,

[47:45] and wanted to share

[47:45] some older,

[47:46] good, bad movies with you.

[47:48] Oh, wait.

[47:48] I did do that one.

[47:49] You did do that.

[47:49] Yeah.

[47:49] You remember old dogs.

[47:50] Wild hogs that I didn't do.

Elliott Kalan

[47:51] Yeah, you missed wild hogs,

[47:52] but old dogs,

[47:53] and luck,

[47:54] maybe you'll be here

[47:55] for crazy frogs

[47:55] or tired logs.

[48:00] Sweaty fogs.

[48:01] I don't know

[48:02] if we shouldn't do that one.

[48:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[48:04] That sounds like

[48:06] one of those movies

[48:07] Dan likes to watch,

[48:08] huh?

[48:08] You know?

[48:09] I don't know what you mean.

[48:10] Sweaty.

[48:11] Sweaty.

[48:12] All right.

[48:13] Like a workout movie?

[48:14] Yeah.

[48:14] Like exercise?

[48:15] Well, kind of.

[48:16] I mean,

[48:16] they're working out in it,

[48:17] but anyway,

[48:18] Jordan says that he wants to share

Dan McCoy

[48:22] some good,

[48:23] bad movies,

[48:24] and his suggestions are,

[48:26] one,

[48:27] Lethal Tender.

[48:28] Maybe my favorite bad movie.

[48:30] It stars Kim Coates

[48:32] from Battlefield Earth

[48:33] and Waterworld

[48:33] as the villain

[48:34] in Montessi,

[48:36] one of the worst performances

[48:37] as a villain ever.

[48:38] It also has Gary Busey

[48:39] as a bad guy

[48:40] and Jeff Fahey

[48:41] as the good guy.

[48:42] Always a good guy

[48:43] in my heart.

[48:44] It involves Montessi

[48:49] infiltrating

[48:50] a water filtration plant

[48:52] and taking hostages.

[48:55] Number two,

[48:56] Radical Jack.

[48:58] Is that like

[48:58] Kangaroo Jack?

[49:00] All he says is

[49:01] it's a movie

[49:01] starring Billy Ray Cyrus.

[49:05] That's all the information.

[49:06] I feel like we need

[49:06] more information

[49:07] on Radical Jack.

[49:08] Yeah,

[49:08] we'll do some research

[49:09] on Radical Jack.

[49:10] Number three,

[49:11] Free Jack.

[49:12] A lot of Jack movies.

[49:13] Sure.

[49:13] I'm sure you guys

[49:14] have seen this one

[49:14] but one of the better

[49:15] sci-fi good bad movies.

[49:17] And lastly,

[49:18] Monster Dog,

[49:20] a movie with Alice Cooper

[49:21] that is practically unwatchable.

[49:23] I don't know

[49:23] how that's possible.

[49:24] It's a movie

[49:25] about a monster dog

[49:26] with Alice Cooper.

[49:27] It seems like

[49:28] you have everything.

[49:29] You got everything.

[49:29] Is it like

Stuart Wellington

[49:30] Frankenweenie?

[49:32] Well,

[49:32] maybe.

[49:32] Probably not directed

Elliott Kalan

[49:33] by Tim Burton.

[49:34] No.

[49:35] I would assume.

[49:38] Oh,

[49:39] is it like

[49:39] Man's Best Friend?

[49:41] About the government

[49:42] lab dog

[49:43] that escapes

[49:43] and befriends

[49:44] a family?

Stuart Wellington

[49:46] I haven't seen

[49:47] Monster Dog.

[49:48] Stuart,

[49:48] tell us about Monster Dog.

[49:49] Stop looking at me like that.

[49:49] I have not seen it.

[49:50] Is it like Beethoven?

[49:51] Spin us a table

[49:52] with Monster Dog.

Elliott Kalan

[49:52] It's like Marmaduke.

[49:53] Is it like Beethoven's Third?

[49:55] Yes.

[49:55] Why have we not watched

[49:57] Marmaduke for this thing?

[49:58] That's a good question.

[49:59] I think because Dan

[50:00] has already seen it.

[50:02] I have not seen it.

[50:02] Oh yeah,

[50:02] you went to the opening,

[50:03] to the premiere.

[50:04] Because you're such a Marma fan.

[50:07] Is that what they're called?

[50:07] Marmhead.

[50:09] Marmified?

[50:09] Marmite.

[50:11] You're real dukey.

Dan McCoy

[50:13] Speaking of Marmite,

[50:14] our next letter

[50:15] comes from Melbourne, Australia.

[50:17] Oh.

[50:18] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[50:19] All the way on the other side

[50:20] of the world.

[50:20] Good segue.

Dan McCoy

[50:21] From Dan.

[50:22] Segway of the week.

[50:25] And it's titled

[50:26] Good News for Stuart.

[50:28] Yes.

[50:29] It's going to be about beer.

[50:31] Dan says,

[50:33] Sean Hayes

[50:34] has a new show on NBC.

[50:36] Hopefully,

[50:38] this states Stuart's

[50:39] obvious thirst

[50:40] for new Hayes material.

[50:43] Enjoy the podcast,

[50:44] especially Stuart's

[50:45] random David Wynnum slam

[50:47] in the Old Dogs episode.

[50:49] Yes.

[50:51] Sean Hayes.

[50:52] I hate Sean Hayes.

Elliott Kalan

[50:53] I hate him so much.

[50:54] I didn't remember

[50:55] you had any particular

[50:56] feelings about Sean Hayes.

Dan McCoy

[51:00] I mean,

[51:01] I'm sure I've said something.

[51:03] No,

[51:03] I remember his constant

[51:04] references to how

[51:05] he wants a Sean Hayes

[51:06] type in a role.

[51:09] Yeah,

[51:09] yeah,

[51:09] like the delightful

[51:10] humor of Sean Hayes.

[51:12] This is what this needs.

[51:13] Just some Sean Hayes.

Stuart Wellington

[51:14] Did I describe you

[51:15] as being a Sean Hayes type?

[51:17] I don't really hope not.

[51:17] Like,

[51:17] you just come into a room

[51:18] and brightener.

Dan McCoy

[51:21] It seems at odds

[51:22] of what you were saying

[51:23] about Sean Hayes

[51:23] just moments ago.

[51:25] And what you say

Elliott Kalan

[51:26] about Dan every podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[51:29] Oh,

[51:30] man.

Elliott Kalan

[51:31] Good times.

[51:32] I love letters.

[51:33] Yeah,

[51:33] me too.

[51:33] That's my favorite

[51:34] part of life

[51:34] is answering letters

[51:36] for the Flophouse.

[51:37] So please write

[51:38] some more in,

[51:38] Flophouse fans.

[51:39] So you don't

[51:41] die?

[51:42] I didn't say

[51:43] extended my life.

[51:44] I said the rest

[51:45] of my life is a sham.

Dan McCoy

[51:47] So let's turn this

[51:48] turn this

[51:50] beat around.

[51:51] Oh,

[51:52] okay.

[51:52] And let's

[51:53] move on to

[51:54] some quick

[51:55] recommendations

[51:55] about movies

[51:56] that perhaps

[51:58] people might want

[51:59] to watch

[51:59] instead of

[52:01] My Soul to Take.

[52:02] Anything.

[52:03] Okay.

[52:04] So your recommendation

[52:04] is anything.

[52:05] My recommendation is

Elliott Kalan

[52:06] anything your eyes

[52:07] can look at

[52:07] that is not this movie.

[52:09] No,

[52:09] I can't.

Dan McCoy

[52:09] Look out the window.

[52:10] I mean,

[52:11] there's some beautiful things happening.

Elliott Kalan

[52:12] Unless you're looking

[52:12] out at the window

[52:13] onto a movie screen

[52:15] playing My Soul to Take.

Stuart Wellington

[52:16] Okay,

[52:17] guys.

[52:18] I'm all prepped.

[52:20] So go ahead.

[52:21] Okay.

[52:22] Let me guess.

[52:23] Let me guess.

[52:23] Is it about a maniac

[52:24] that's invisible?

[52:25] It's a movie called

[52:26] The Invisible Maniac.

[52:28] Oh,

[52:28] God.

Elliott Kalan

[52:29] Is that the only movie

[52:30] you watch?

[52:31] Yeah.

[52:32] I watched it the other day.

Stuart Wellington

[52:34] That's not true.

[52:34] I don't own it anymore.

[52:36] Anymore?

[52:37] I don't have a VHS player.

[52:38] The court forcibly

[52:39] removed it from him

[52:40] for his own good.

[52:43] So it's called

[52:44] The Invisible Maniac.

[52:45] Guy goes invisible,

[52:46] kills a bunch of people,

[52:47] kills a person

[52:48] with a submarine sand,

[52:49] which stomps on a guy's head

[52:52] and explodes.

[52:52] Does anyone rip off

[52:53] his own Dean Dynas?

Dan McCoy

[52:55] Or is that just

[52:56] a Castle Creek thing?

[52:56] You're ignoring the...

[52:57] God,

Stuart Wellington

[52:58] he said be quick

[52:59] about recommendations.

Dan McCoy

[53:00] Why are you slowing me down?

[53:02] I mean,

[53:02] there's a lot of murder,

[53:03] but you're also ignoring

[53:03] the fact that

[53:04] The Invisible Maniac

[53:05] mainly becomes invisible

[53:06] if you spy on

[53:07] naked women.

[53:08] Of course,

[53:09] that's the part

[53:09] that Dan would latch on to.

Stuart Wellington

[53:10] Yeah, but that's primarily

[53:11] the thing about the movie.

[53:14] Well, I mean,

[53:15] I like the submarine sandwich

[53:16] murder.

[53:17] Okay.

[53:19] So, Dan,

[53:20] what's your movie?

[53:20] I thought it was more

[53:21] of like a character study.

[53:24] It's a real slice-of-life caper.

Dan McCoy

[53:29] Like a Mumblecore film.

[53:31] I haven't...

[53:32] Maniac Core.

[53:34] I actually haven't seen

[53:35] a...

[53:36] movie that I would recommend

[53:38] in the past week,

[53:39] so I'm gonna go to a...

[53:40] just a classic recommendation.

[53:43] For my birthday,

[53:45] I got the Blu-ray

[53:46] of Sweet Smell of Success,

[53:48] which is a marvelous movie.

[53:50] It's a great jazz score.

[53:52] Elmer Bernstein score.

[53:53] A couple of great

[53:53] lead performances.

[53:55] Bert Lancaster

[53:56] and Tony Curtis.

[53:57] A wonderful script.

[53:59] Ernst Lehman.

[54:01] And just some beautiful

[54:03] cinematography.

Elliott Kalan

[54:04] The director was

[54:05] Alexander McKendrick.

[54:06] I don't remember

[54:06] who the cinematographer was.

[54:07] I'm gonna say

[54:07] James Wong Howe.

[54:09] I think you might be right,

[54:10] actually.

[54:10] I'm gonna guess

[54:11] because it looks like his stuff.

Dan McCoy

[54:13] So if you want to see

[54:14] just a real cynical tale

[54:16] of old New York journalism,

[54:21] go out and watch

[54:21] The Sweet Smell of Success.

[54:23] It's a crackling film,

[54:25] as they would say.

[54:27] Okay.

[54:28] That's what I have.

[54:29] Oh, I thought you were gonna

[54:29] end up with like

Elliott Kalan

[54:30] a Gene Shalett-type sign-off.

[54:34] Good buying, good film.

[54:35] The Sweet Smell is

Dan McCoy

[54:35] the sweet smell of success.

Elliott Kalan

[54:38] You'll be smelling roses

[54:39] all day.

[54:41] I will recommend a movie

[54:42] I did watch this past week.

[54:45] It is a Danish action film

[54:48] called Flame and Citroen,

[54:50] which is from a couple years ago.

[54:52] It's about candles.

[54:53] Yes, it's about smelly candles.

[54:55] It's loosely based

[54:57] on the true story

[54:58] of two guys

[54:59] who were part of

[54:59] the Danish underground

[55:00] during World War II

[55:01] and were a two-man team.

[55:04] One of them drove

[55:05] and the other one shot

[55:06] Nazis and Nazi sympathizers

[55:08] in the head.

[55:09] And kind of about

[55:10] how seedy,

[55:11] even though they had

[55:11] a noble goal,

[55:13] which was freeing Denmark

[55:14] from the Nazis,

[55:15] how seedy their lives

[55:16] could turn out

[55:17] and the lies

[55:18] and betrayal and so forth.

[55:19] And there are a couple

[55:20] of really good action

[55:21] shootout scenes in it.

[55:23] It was the most,

[55:24] and stars Mads Mikkelsen

[55:26] is one of the stars in it.

[55:27] And it was the most

[55:28] expensive movie

[55:29] ever made in Denmark

[55:29] and I think it cost

[55:30] about $12 million.

[55:31] So it shows you

[55:32] how inexpensive

[55:33] the rest of the world is.

Dan McCoy

[55:36] So there you go,

[55:37] unless Stuart wants

[55:38] to come up with a non-

[55:40] with a real recommendation.

[55:41] Maybe a recommendation.

Stuart Wellington

[55:42] That's what I want

[55:43] to recommend this week.

[55:45] I figure if I repeat

[55:46] some of my recommendations,

[55:47] people are going to

[55:48] check them out

[55:48] and be excited.

[55:49] Sure.

[55:50] I mean,

[55:50] certainly they'll be

[55:51] looking forward to that

[55:52] submarine sandwich scene.

Dan McCoy

[55:54] I just saw an email recently

[55:55] where someone was thanking you

[55:56] for recommending Castle Freak,

[55:58] although I don't know

[55:58] how they saw Castle Freak

[55:59] because I don't believe

[56:00] it's on DVD or...

[56:01] It's on DVD.

[56:02] Really?

Elliott Kalan

[56:03] Yeah, they released a...

[56:04] There's a Stuart Gordon set

[56:06] that has Castle Freak on it.

Stuart Wellington

[56:07] I gotta get on that.

[56:08] The thing is,

[56:09] I mean,

[56:10] I just...

[56:10] I like helping people out.

[56:13] It's kind of what I do.

Elliott Kalan

[56:15] You're a real public servant,

[56:16] yeah.

[56:16] Yeah.

[56:17] In the cause of

[56:18] Castle Freak

[56:18] and Invisible Maniac.

Stuart Wellington

[56:19] Well, it makes people happy,

[56:20] you know?

Elliott Kalan

[56:21] All right, guys.

[56:22] Well,

[56:22] where there's a ding-dong

[56:24] being ripped off,

[56:25] I'll be there.

[56:26] Where there's a submarine sandwich

[56:27] killing a guy,

[56:28] I'll be there.

Stuart Wellington

[56:30] Well,

[56:30] the sandwich

[56:31] doesn't kill the guy.

[56:32] It's a weapon.

[56:34] You don't blame the gun

[56:35] for shooting somebody.

[56:36] Sure I do,

[56:37] when it's an evil gun.

[56:39] All right.

[56:39] When it's Megatron.

Dan McCoy

[56:42] When it's Gunzo,

[56:44] the talking gun.

[56:45] Let's wrap this up

[56:46] in the hopes that

[56:47] the audio on this

[56:49] was listenable

[56:50] and I'll just say

[56:51] that I've been Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[56:54] I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[56:55] And I will be

[56:56] Ellie and Kaelin forever

[56:57] without beginning or end

[56:58] for eternity.

Stuart Wellington

[57:00] Night, everyone.

[57:01] Can we turn the AC on?

[57:02] It's fucking really hot in here.

[57:04] Yes.

[57:09] So you guys are going to

[57:10] come to my wedding, right?

Elliott Kalan

[57:11] Yeah, we already have our tickets

[57:13] and hotel reservations.

[57:16] Okay,

[57:16] you don't got to be

[57:17] a dick about it.

[57:19] At this point,

[57:19] you should know.

[57:20] I mean,

[57:20] we've both sent in

[57:21] IRSVP'd.

Stuart Wellington

[57:23] Well,

[57:23] we're sending out

Elliott Kalan

[57:24] the actual invitation soon.

[57:26] Oh,

[57:26] well,

[57:26] I must have IRSVP'd

[57:27] to save the date.

[57:28] Yeah.

[57:29] Okay,

Dan McCoy

[57:30] let's do this bullshit.

The Flop House: Episode #87 - My Soul to Take

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