The Flop House: Episode #87 - My Soul to Take

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss My Soul to Take by Master of Horror, Wes Craven.

[0:05] Wait, that's a typo. It just says, Mr. of Horror.

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:42] It sounds so weird tonight, doesn't it guys? Yeah, what's wrong with this episode?

[0:46] It's like we're recording in a spooky house. Or in outer space. Or using a shitty internal microphone.

[0:56] Where's your imagination, Dan? I'm sorry. What kind of scenario is that?

[1:00] Maybe it's a microphone in outer space. I left it at my local library.

[1:04] We're going to fight some snorks. It's not in outer space.

[1:08] Some snakes? I like the snorks. They're the guys with the things on their heads, right?

[1:13] Yeah, they're underwater. Then we talk like this.

[1:18] We introduced the idea that the episode sounded different, then we didn't explain it.

[1:22] Well, explain it, Professor.

[1:24] So I thought I had solved all of our audio problems.

[1:28] That we had improperly shielded cables and it would be fixed by getting...

[1:32] What do you mean by problems?

[1:34] Well, I mean the fact that we tried to record an episode, namely the Beastly episode.

[1:40] A couple weeks, about a month ago.

[1:41] And we started picking up radio signals that seemed to be sort of hip hop and R&B, maybe some reggaeton.

[1:50] I thought we were just trying something different.

[1:53] Just trying to get in touch with a more urban audience.

[1:57] Now, would it have been better if we had picked up radio signals like in the movie Contact,

[2:01] that told us how to build a space platform?

[2:04] That would have been better. We would have been reunited with our father in alien form.

[2:09] Well, my dad is still here.

[2:11] What was the movie where the guys like Dad were sending radio signals back in time?

[2:17] Oh, Frequency?

[2:18] Yeah, and would it be like that?

[2:23] So, despite the unhelpful...

[2:25] Maybe that reggae was from...

[2:27] From the past, yeah.

[2:29] The point is, we watched a whole movie tonight.

[2:32] And after successfully recording the Happiest Millionaire episode,

[2:36] thinking that all our problems were in the past...

[2:38] Yeah, much like the Happiest Millionaire.

[2:40] We watched a movie tonight.

[2:43] After we were done, I turned the machine on, and lo and behold, more...

[2:48] More reggae.

[2:49] Rego?

[2:50] More oregano.

[2:53] More regu, old world style.

[2:55] So, while Dan was fiddling with this machine that we record on, Elliot and I were making jokes.

[3:01] We were talking about the movie.

[3:03] I was sweating in my on-air-conditioned apartment,

[3:07] because I turned the air conditioner off because we were going to be recording.

[3:10] And Dan Stewart and I were eating ice cream.

[3:12] Swearing at the machinery.

[3:14] And rubbing ice cubes in our armpits.

[3:17] And doing it with girls.

[3:19] It seems it's partying.

[3:21] It was a pretty wild party above the table while you were under the table fixing this thing.

[3:25] Well, I didn't fix it.

[3:27] The president was there.

[3:28] No nerds allowed, etc.

[3:30] It appears to be that the problem with things is not that...

[3:37] We didn't fix it before.

[3:39] Probably what happened was the radio station just wasn't broadcasting.

[3:42] Yeah, in the middle of a...

[3:43] The pirate reggae radio station apparently not broadcasting in the middle of the day on a Saturday.

[3:47] I'm imagining like a reggae bootleg version of Christian Slater.

[3:53] Behind the helm.

[3:55] I think it's that station from those, what is it?

[3:57] Beer commercials?

[3:58] Or liquor commercials?

[3:59] That radio station?

[4:00] But the Red Stripe ones?

[4:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[4:02] Maybe.

[4:03] So, I mean, if anyone knows anything about RF interference out there,

[4:08] please feel free to write us at theflophousepodcast.com, gmail.com.

[4:16] Or if you know anyone named...

[4:17] Theflophousepodcast at gmail.com.

[4:19] If you know anyone named RF interference, like Rodney Franklin interference.

[4:22] I don't think that would actually help.

[4:24] Richard Farrington interference.

[4:26] I mean, all I've been able to find is that maybe I could buy some ferrite chokes to choke my ferrets with, I assume.

[4:33] Sounds like something that Magneto would use.

[4:35] Apparently that would maybe help.

[4:38] Why would you choke your ferret?

[4:39] I don't know.

[4:40] I don't know how that helps.

[4:41] I think they're made of ferrites, and they choke radio waves.

[4:45] They're made of ferrites?

[4:46] They kill radio waves by...

[4:49] Why didn't we just watch Beastmaster tonight, guys?

[4:51] That movie's got ferrites in it.

[4:52] Yeah, it's got ferrites up the wazoo.

[4:54] Point is, right now we are recording on the internal microphone of my MacBook, because no wires means nothing to act as an antenna.

[5:06] Science.

[5:07] Yeah.

[5:08] So that's what's happening.

[5:10] Chemistry.

[5:11] But if anyone wants to come to my house and fix this, or donate, like throw a bunch of money at the problem maybe, we could figure this out.

[5:19] Yeah, just throw a bunch of money at your computer right now.

[5:21] Let's see if that works.

[5:22] Sure.

[5:23] Let's throw a handful of bills.

[5:24] Throw my wallet out.

[5:27] Whoa, wait.

[5:28] Was that a sound effect of your wallet?

[5:29] Was that a loud sound effect?

[5:31] I don't think the mic picked that one up.

[5:32] Okay.

[5:33] Yeah, Dan's not exactly the Michael Winslow of his generation.

[5:36] I don't want to throw something at my actual computer.

[5:38] On the other hand, he's not the Carl Winslow of his generation either, which is good.

[5:41] Yeah.

[5:42] Because he doesn't have to deal with the Urkel of his generation.

[5:45] Wait, which Urkel was that?

[5:47] Was that the later days one where he was like a super scientist?

[5:50] It was the same Urkel.

[5:52] I thought he was kind of different though.

[5:53] The same guy.

[5:54] Anyway.

[5:55] Guys, we're hoping that you bear with us through the audio issues.

[6:00] I know we don't sound as beautiful as we normally do.

[6:03] Stuart, in particular, his sonorous voice, we're not doing it justice.

[6:08] But hopefully I will sound less nasal and whiny.

[6:11] I don't think that's going to happen.

[6:13] Dan and I had a really big fight.

[6:15] Wait a minute.

[6:16] Dan and I had a really big fight at the beginning of recording the movie, so we're still working out our issues.

[6:20] So bear with us.

[6:22] And Elliot's kind of being a baby.

[6:25] I don't understand how I'm being a baby.

[6:28] Let's just get on with the movie.

[6:29] I asked you to change my diaper and feed me.

[6:31] Suddenly I'm a baby.

[6:32] You asked for a binky.

[6:34] But beyond that, I don't know.

[6:36] So speaking of Elliot.

[6:38] I cried because my tooth was cutting through my gums.

[6:41] Suddenly I'm a baby.

[6:44] This is the part of the podcast that our long-time listeners will remember.

[6:48] It's where Elliot tells us what actually happened in the movie.

[6:51] I'll try to do this.

[6:52] My soul to take.

[6:54] The movie was called My Soul to Take, directed by Wesley Craven.

[6:57] And written by Wesley Craven.

[6:59] And written by Wesley Craven.

[7:00] North by Northwest Craven.

[7:02] And the reason I was being a baby is because these guys were arguing during the movie.

[7:07] It was making it hard for me to pay attention to it.

[7:09] Why?

[7:10] Because what was going on.

[7:11] Because what was going on with you was so much more dramatically interesting in your argument over the location of a bachelor party than this serial killer movie.

[7:19] But I like how this movie is filled with all these crazy musical cues that come up once every two minutes.

[7:26] So it was like I think it made our argument even more exciting.

[7:29] Oh, yeah.

[7:30] No, it was like your argument had a soundtrack.

[7:32] Yeah.

[7:33] So should I say what this movie was about?

[7:35] Oh, please do because I still don't think I understand fully.

[7:38] Okay.

[7:39] It starts out.

[7:40] There's Raoul Esparza, who you may know as the star of the recent revival of Sidibe and Sondheim's Company on Broadway.

[7:48] Perhaps you saw it on PBS's Great Performances.

[7:51] Sure.

[7:52] He has appeared in a number of Sondheim productions.

[7:54] I actually just saw him in Tom Stoppard's Arcadia earlier this year.

[7:58] Anyhoo, Raoul Esparza is a…

[8:01] That's for your podcast, Sond Opinions.

[8:04] That's my broadcast, my Broadway podcast.

[8:06] Raoul!

[8:08] Whoa.

[8:09] Wow.

[8:10] The house cat made a much earlier appearance than you.

[8:12] The house cat is a Broadway fan.

[8:14] Yeah, I think it was the Anyhoo that brought him in.

[8:17] It was like a mating call for the house cat.

[8:20] Anyhoo, so Raoul Esparza is a family man.

[8:26] He is painting a toy wooden rocking horse and a toy dollhouse.

[8:31] As dads do.

[8:32] As they do when they're craftsmen.

[8:33] As his wife watches a news story about a serial killer in their town called The Ripper.

[8:38] Pregnant wife.

[8:39] His pregnant wife, yes.

[8:40] We know she's pregnant because in the first scene we see her belly and then a little miniature hand push against the inside of it.

[8:47] From the inside, yeah.

[8:48] Perfectly formed hand.

[8:49] Just as babies do.

[8:50] Pregnant listeners, write in and tell us if that happens.

[8:53] Whether you can see the full outline of your baby's hand pressing against your stomach.

[8:59] Like your skin has the thickness of, I don't know, like a thousand thread count sheet.

[9:05] Or like a balloon.

[9:06] Sure.

[9:07] Like pushing through the outside of a balloon.

[9:10] So anyway, he has a pregnant wife.

[9:12] He suddenly goes into a psychotic fit.

[9:15] This whole section I'm going to tell you takes about six minutes it feels like.

[9:20] It's all super quick.

[9:22] It gives you whiplash.

[9:23] He has a psychotic fit and discovers that he is actually The Ripper.

[9:26] He has multiple personality disorder.

[9:28] He goes crazy and calls a psychiatrist and then finds out that he has killed his wife.

[9:36] A policeman comes in and he attacks the policeman.

[9:39] He attacks an EMT worker.

[9:42] Played by our good friend, Eric Zuckerman.

[9:44] Eric Zuckerman, who is a good friend of ours.

[9:46] That's not a lie.

[9:47] No, yeah.

[9:48] It would be a strange lie.

[9:49] Since no one's heard of him.

[9:51] We know a guy named Eric Zuckerman.

[9:53] Perhaps you've heard of him.

[9:54] You've heard of him?

[9:55] He played Doomsday Guy in War of the Worlds.

[9:57] He played the guy.

[10:00] name-droppers. He played the guy at the pewter shop

[10:04] in the recent edition of The Office. Edition of The Office?

[10:07] Like an episode, yeah. Sure. I have a first edition of The Office at home

[10:12] signed by The Office. So,

[10:15] he goes on a kill-crazy rampage. He's subdued. They think he's dead. He jumps up

[10:20] again.

[10:20] He's subdued. They take him in an ambulance along with

[10:24] the policeman who's been attacked and

[10:27] his knife. Eric Zuckerman is driving the ambulance.

[10:30] It turns out he has not sedated the killer. He attacks again and the

[10:34] ambulance explodes.

[10:36] I think their biggest mistake, unless it's our friend from the movie,

[10:40] I think their biggest mistake was leaving

[10:43] the serial killer's knife on the serial killer. In the serial killer's hand.

[10:48] It seems like they would have bagged that for evidence. The biggest mistake was leaving the knife in his hand and

[10:52] allowing him to just lie on a gurney

[10:54] unrestrained. Yes. When he has already faked his own death and

[10:59] slashed at them minutes before. It's not even like this is something they forgot

[11:03] happened.

[11:03] Yes. He played a good possum. Yes.

[11:07] Pogo possum. Yes, in Pogo the movie.

[11:10] Starring Raúl Esparza as the lovable Pogo.

[11:16] You learn about politics and stuff, right?

[11:20] Broadway's Bernadette Peters as Mamsel Hepzibah, the lady skunk.

[11:24] Who do you see for Albert?

[11:27] I think, oh, why can't I remember his name? You know, from the Larry Sanders show

[11:31] and Arrested Development. I think Jeffrey Tambor. Jeffrey Tambor as Albert the Alligator.

[11:36] Oh yeah, it's a must. And maybe Harlan Williams as

[11:39] the turtle Chirchy LeFemme.

[11:43] I don't know, Harlan Williams is pretty busy now. That's true.

[11:46] If we can get into schedule, perhaps. Maybe you get Zach Galifianakis for Porky.

[11:50] A perfect, perfect casting. Porky the Porcupine.

[11:54] I'm so much more interested in this movie.

[11:57] This could be a good Pogo movie and we'll get Zack Snyder to direct it.

[12:01] Of course, he knows comics.

[12:05] And Joe Esterhouse. Oh God, you're ruining it.

[12:08] A lot of sex. A lot of sex and murder. One of my favorite things in the world you're ruining right now.

[12:12] Pogo Possum wears a schoolgirl outfit.

[12:14] Music by Angelo Badalamenti. Okay, well, it's getting better.

[12:19] But it's mostly covers. I mean, inappropriate. Mostly covers of songs.

[12:22] Oh no.

[12:25] Well, and one original song by Trisha Yearwood.

[12:30] Anywho, so it's suddenly 16 years later.

[12:35] And there's a bunch of... Flash forward. Flash forward 16 years.

[12:38] There are seven kids in this town who were all born prematurely on the night the Ripper died.

[12:44] And they have this kind of hazing ritual where someone dresses up like the Ripper

[12:48] and then one of the kids has to fight him.

[12:52] The Riverton Ripper? The Riverton Ripper, yes.

[12:55] The very same. The very same Riverton Ripper.

[12:59] The kid in this case is a kid named Bug who is a shy guy,

[13:03] but he sees the world in kind of an offbeat way.

[13:05] He's named after the William Friedkin film, I assume.

[13:07] Yes, the hit William Friedkin film, Bug, based on the play of the same name.

[13:11] And he's kind of a shittier version of Brewster McCloud

[13:15] in that he's a shy guy with no friends who makes a costume with giant wings.

[13:20] Anywho, again, to make a very long story short,

[13:25] there are a bunch of other kids at the school.

[13:28] They start being... But not for long.

[13:29] But not for long. They start being killed one by one.

[13:32] And it turns out that his sister, Fang,

[13:38] who runs the kind of mean girls clique that runs the school,

[13:41] is the daughter of the serial killer.

[13:43] He, Bug, is the son of the serial killer.

[13:46] He was the baby inside the pregnant woman's belly.

[13:49] And even though she died, the fetus was still alive

[13:52] and they were able to pull him out like Macduff in Macbeth.

[13:56] Ripped untimely from his mother's womb, he was.

[13:58] And one of their friends...

[14:01] It seems that the soul of the Ripper has entered one of their friends

[14:05] and is killing everybody, or the Ripper is still alive and is back.

[14:09] Either is equally plausible.

[14:10] Or it could be Bug.

[14:12] He is the son of a serial killer and kind of crazy.

[14:14] So, am I alone in thinking that in the first 30 minutes,

[14:18] the movie assumes that we know all these characters

[14:21] and have known them for quite a while?

[14:22] Yeah, the movie seems to think that it is the sequel to a movie we saw already.

[14:26] Or like we watch an entire season of this shitty high school drama

[14:30] and then all of a sudden they're like,

[14:31] yeah, we're just going to wrap it up by killing everybody.

[14:33] Yeah, although to be fair, you guys did argue a lot during the scenes

[14:35] where they were introducing these characters.

[14:37] But there was definitely like an assumption...

[14:40] By the way, I don't want to worry the Flophouse audience.

[14:42] Stuart and I have made up.

[14:43] Kind of.

[14:44] Okay, well, I mean like, there will always be scars.

[14:49] I can tell that Stuart's still irritated with me like deep down,

[14:51] but at the same time I can tell that it's going to be okay.

[14:54] So...

[14:55] I mean, this isn't like a rift in the Flophouse, right?

[14:58] Daddy? Other daddy?

[15:00] Why are you fighting?

[15:01] Are you going to get a divorce? Is it because of me?

[15:03] No, it's because I'm the cool dad, he's the Paul Reiser dad.

[15:09] Yep.

[15:10] Tough but fair.

[15:11] And we fight sometimes, that's the way it works.

[15:13] So I'm the daughter in my two dads?

[15:16] You're the daughter from...

[15:17] You're the cute daughter.

[15:18] She's out of this world.

[15:20] Oh, that's awesome.

[15:21] So I can stop time and go turn what?

[15:23] What else did she give you? Turn invisible?

[15:24] She got to pick one more power,

[15:25] but she did not pick any of them because they were all double-edged swords.

[15:30] What? Oh, well, I'll pick one of them.

[15:33] By the way, this should be the new Flophouse contest is that

[15:36] listeners should write in about what they imagined we were fighting about.

[15:40] Yeah, that's a good idea.

[15:42] I would enjoy that much more than thinking about our actual fight.

[15:46] But anyway, it still upsets you.

[15:48] Keep in mind, this is the day that the nude photos of Scarlett Johansson

[15:52] were leaked on the internet, so...

[15:54] And they were like nothing was ever going to disappoint.

[15:56] Nothing was going to ruin anything ever again.

[15:58] So maybe that's what they were arguing about? It wasn't.

[16:00] But let your imagination soar with the egos.

[16:03] One was disappointing, one wasn't so much disappointing.

[16:05] Anyway, we can save that for your Pervcast.

[16:08] We've already established in previous podcasts that Dan is a perv,

[16:11] who women are disgusted by. Despite his mild-mannered exterior,

[16:15] he is disgusting. Inside beats the heart of a rapist.

[16:17] Whoa, whoa, you went way further than that.

[16:20] What? You got it from me. It was a surgery transplant.

[16:22] Oh, okay. Unfortunately, we received the heart of a rapist in the transplant.

[16:26] It's like the movie Baboon, starring Jeff Fahey.

[16:29] Yeah, exactly. What?

[16:31] Wait a minute. Baboon? So it's like untamed heart meets body parts.

[16:34] Yes. Well, the thing was, it wasn't a baboon's heart of a baboon that was rapist.

[16:38] It was someone who raped baboons. Yeah.

[16:40] Okay. So he, wait. So the baboon wanted to take it out on him.

[16:44] But he was an organ donor, which you have to admire.

[16:46] Yeah. Wait, the baboon was an organ donor?

[16:48] No, the guy. Oh, gosh.

[16:50] Yeah, he wasn't all bad.

[16:52] He cared about passing his baboon raping heart on to others.

[16:56] I mean, his heart was bad. We've agreed that that's why Dan is a perv to this day.

[17:00] Anyway, the point was... So only part of him was bad.

[17:03] The point was, though, there was not enough character development laid down early on to make us care about these people dying.

[17:10] They sketched them out in very broad strokes, and I kind of hoped...

[17:13] And they speak really quickly.

[17:14] Yeah. I think they kind of hoped that our knowledge of high school, like archetype characters, would get us through this.

[17:20] Like, oh, that's the popular girl, and that's the religious girl, and that's the nerdy guy, and that's the bully.

[17:25] That's the girl named Fang. We all had one.

[17:27] And that's the one Fang. Yeah.

[17:29] They usually weren't the ones on the top of the heap. Usually Fang was on the bottom.

[17:33] But I think they overestimated how much we would give a shit about these characters.

[17:40] Because when they start dying, and they start dying, it's like suddenly in a big clump.

[17:45] A bunch of them are just killed one after the other, and it's not...

[17:48] You never get a sense of, like, who's it going to be next?

[17:51] Like, uh-oh, who's going to be killed?

[17:53] Because suddenly they're all dead, and there's just a couple left, and then it's the end of the movie.

[17:57] But it feels very long.

[17:59] And you feel empty inside.

[18:01] And afterwards you feel empty inside.

[18:03] I mean, I don't. I ate, like, a whole box of Popeyes beforehand.

[18:05] So I feel pretty full.

[18:07] You and that burger.

[18:09] And you have an evil heart inside you.

[18:11] I can never feel empty inside, because I'm full of anger.

[18:15] But eventually... Should I just talk about the end of the movie?

[18:18] Yeah, sure, let's talk about it.

[18:20] Eventually it turns out that one of the characters you thought it was,

[18:24] the main character's creepy best friend who keeps appearing and disappearing like a ghost...

[18:28] The most obvious suspect.

[18:30] The character that I, up until ten minutes before the end of the movie,

[18:33] still assumed was just, like, another personality.

[18:36] Like an imaginary friend of the main character.

[18:38] It turns out the souls of the people who died that day have kind of jumped into...

[18:42] jumped into the baby's born, and the Ripper jumped into his soul.

[18:46] And for some reason, I guess, waited 16 years to take over and start killing people.

[18:50] Yeah.

[18:51] And they fight, and the good guy kills the bad guy, and the end.

[18:55] It's barely a fight.

[18:56] Like, when he finally confronts... when his friend finally confronts him,

[19:00] they, like, argue for a minute, and then he stabs him.

[19:02] It's one of those fights you see in movies a lot where the bad guy decides to attack belly first,

[19:06] and the good guy happens to be holding a knife in his hand, and it goes into said belly.

[19:10] Well, that's what makes him a hero, is that he holds a knife the right direction.

[19:15] Yeah, well, it's like all the villains decided to use their sumo training at that moment.

[19:18] Yeah, it's like the end of a never-ending story when that monster thing jumps at Atreyu, and he stabs him.

[19:23] No, the end of a never-ending story is when Falcor rides into the real world and scares the bullies.

[19:29] Wait, that actually happened? I thought that was all just a dream.

[19:32] Well, no, it was a movie. It didn't actually happen. It's not a documentary.

[19:35] The kid punches the air. He's like, yeah!

[19:38] Take that, Eric!

[19:39] When Bastion's riding on him.

[19:40] Yeah.

[19:43] So it's a pretty... it's a very generic movie,

[19:46] and it's also never really explained how the Ripper, who we see as this big, hulking, kind of Rob Zombie-esque character,

[19:53] how that and this wimpy little kid are the same guy.

[19:57] Well, the region's almost like a dream world.

[20:00] I mean the premise of this film opens up to a lot of questions and one that I

[20:11] brought up during the movie was like early in the film I'm like okay I'm

[20:14] willing to accept this demonic sort of killer character can jump from person to

[20:19] person like he can have it like in the movie Ascension yeah or Fallen yeah

[20:23] that's what I meant Fallen not Ascension is the exact opposite but um but then

[20:30] like the like the good characters like I mean I'm not good like the kids like

[20:34] they're no good characters they're all pretty bland like they all start

[20:37] assembling their souls start assembling within our main character and I'm like

[20:40] so this is what happens to everyone when they die yeah souls jump into other

[20:45] people I would like it more if each time you got a new soul he gained some like

[20:49] abilities that that person had like knowledge yeah some like knowledge I

[20:54] mean the last soul he absorbs is of a blind kids that really wouldn't help him

[20:57] I mean well he's got increased hearing ability to use one of those sticks yeah you're right

[21:03] taste powers he does have increased senses and stick abilities stick ability

[21:08] I mean that is basically there is basically daredevil he has better senses

[21:11] than he can use a stick yeah that's what blind people are like yeah I mean we

[21:17] just covered that but yeah the it's a movie that kind of makes up the rules as

[21:22] it goes along it almost feels like a movie where they didn't know who the

[21:24] killer was gonna be the only rule is there are no rules yeah that makes for

[21:29] bad movies that makes for movies like sucker punch yeah but it's it's said

[21:37] that this is like a Wes Craven movie like I don't love Wes Craven I've never

[21:41] really I never thought of him as one of the great filmmakers but like it seems

[21:45] like he can he's done much better than this before it feels beneath him we were

[21:49] all able to mention like a Wes Craven movie that we like yeah you know Stuart

[21:54] is a fan of the people under the stairs yeah it's amazing I think that's the

[21:58] thing is going a little far I think the original scream is good you like new

[22:03] nightmare I also like new nightmare I mean yeah yeah it's pretty good but

[22:08] people under the stairs it's about what a crackerjack picture why didn't they

[22:13] make people under the stairs to above the stairs that's gonna have to be a

[22:18] movie in your mind they mean a book on tape yeah yeah they're gonna make a

[22:23] novelization of the sequel to but they didn't even make the movie I mean they

[22:27] could make it though like it's there's still time that's like years ago they

[22:30] came out with a book of Blade Runner 2 you guys remember that do they call

[22:34] Blade Runner 2 yes it was a hardcover book that said in big letters on the

[22:38] cover Blade Runner 2 nice was it made in America or was it like the like the

[22:44] Italian it was an authorized sequel to Blade Runner was written by Alan Dean

[22:50] Foster I don't think so but he does write that kind of stuff a lot he seems

[22:54] to live off of Transformers novels these days which by which you mean he eats

[22:58] them yes he's a bibliophore so let's talk about this movie it is very this

[23:09] is a really generic movie for the first time for the first 10 minutes I thought

[23:13] the entire movie was just going to be like two or like maybe a minute maybe

[23:18] minute and a half of stuff happening and then somebody else waking up from a

[23:22] dream mm-hmm like a lot of that somebody else just woke up there's a lot of

[23:26] characters just suddenly waking up from dreams and you start to wonder like is

[23:30] this like a stealth Freddy movie like is this gonna be a movie about a dream

[23:33] killer but no it's not I mean they do I mean they do inject a fair amount of

[23:38] Freddy into this Ripper care well the Ripper story it's weird because he

[23:41] starts out being really silent when he's killing people in the present but then

[23:45] eventually he starts going like hey bitch you know and stuff like that you

[23:49] know Freddy and it struck me as I realized how weird it is that Freddy's

[23:56] catchphrase was basically just calling people bitch the same way that very

[24:00] catty the same way that the memorable line from the Jason movies is hey

[24:03] asshole I think they really weren't working very hard I mean there is a

[24:08] memorable scene in this movie where there is the main character has done a

[24:14] presentation on the California Condor oh yeah and then his friend Alex his friend

[24:20] who turns out to be the Ripper is wearing a giant Terry Gilliam asked

[24:24] horrifying Condor suit which uses to terrify the bully and then it sprays

[24:30] like this this evil smelling vomit like violent vomit all over much like

[24:35] condors really do but bug is it like made this costume that day but that also

[24:39] leads to like the weird like wacky end credits to the movie where there's an

[24:43] animated Condor and I'm wearing a vest yeah it's like is this a Pink Panther

[24:50] there's a very grim movie and then all of a sudden like everything's okay well

[24:54] there are two condor there are moments in the high school scenes where it feels

[24:57] like Wes Craven's trying to be very upbeat and kind of like satirical yeah

[25:02] Heather's II like dark comedy ish but they don't mesh with the horror scenes I

[25:06] mean all the scenes are pretty dull but some of them seem to be like an

[25:10] exaggerated high school movie whereas others just kind of wrote by the numbers

[25:14] horror stuff and it's it's tough to do like a goofy high school stuff and then

[25:21] also try and pair it with like kind of heavy crappy metaphysical like soul

[25:28] based horror stuff yeah I mean it wasn't horror but kind of Donnie Darko achieves

[25:33] that to a certain extent kind of like joke high school scenes but then also

[25:37] kind of like over-the-top heavy science fiction stuff but one of the if if Donnie

[25:43] Darko was successful it was because it it seems at least somewhat patient yeah

[25:48] does that stuff this movie is like trying to blast through its runtime as

[25:53] quickly as it does feel there are moments where it's like yeah yeah souls

[25:55] move from body to body anyway let's go killer and the weird thing about this I

[25:59] mean like I you know I commented on at the time like there's a scene at the end

[26:04] where it's almost like a Columbo episode where the guys laying out like oh okay

[26:09] well you had time like he's like you're the killer because you had time to go

[26:13] over here and over here and like yeah your ear is bleeding and I hit you in

[26:17] the ear before he says your ear there's blood on your ear almost as if you were

[26:22] hitting the head with a vase and it flashes back to him hitting the killer

[26:26] in the head with a vase it's like well there are many number of reasons someone's

[26:29] ears can bleed that's I mean it does look like a vase wound it's got those

[26:36] telltale vase shards there's a rose thorn in your ear thing about it though

[26:40] is they take a really long time him explaining to his friend why his friend

[26:45] could be the killer and guess what his friend turns out to be the killer yeah

[26:48] it's not like that's all disproved or like it's all red herring no it's just a

[26:54] really long way to find out that this guy even as if his friend was multiple

[26:58] personality and didn't know he was the killer like yeah I mean like and that's

[27:03] Wes Craven like flashing back to scream he's like let me graft the end of scream

[27:10] on to this more like exorcist II like soul based kind of horror like a

[27:17] different genre of horror movie like now is getting this like Scooby-Doo ending

[27:22] where it's like you were the killer all reminds me of the ending of John Knotts

[27:27] that's right I did it I'd kill them all again I love to feel the warmth of blood

[27:35] as it flows over my hands it's the only thrill I have but the it reminded me of

[27:47] the ending of the movie identity with John Cusack where you learn the whole

[27:51] thing is happening inside of one person's head and all the characters

[27:55] right no John Cusack's one of the personalities inside of a ball oh boy

[28:01] it's not inside John Cusack it's inside a prisoner's head but he is there's a

[28:16] part where John Cusack is like of course and they showed the kid who's the

[28:19] murderous personality they show him literally like how he accomplished each

[28:24] of the murders and it's like you don't have to fuck it shows this it's not real

[28:27] it happened inside of a crazy person's head like you don't need logic here

[28:30] that's like you know like this is how a little kid could actually murder a

[28:35] full-grown man yeah of course while we were looking away he crept over here no

[28:39] it's not real like it doesn't make sense encyclopedia brown I need to fucking

[28:42] find out this one because I was ragging my brain with the brain teaser of how

[28:46] this kid jumped out of a window and chopped a guy's head off it turns out

[28:50] it's because none of them are real very few movies that I wish I was so glad as

[28:59] that one that I saw it for free as just like like a sheer like exercise and like

[29:06] okay like moment-to-moment yeah we'll be making him like I'm enjoying this but

[29:10] then at the end I was like this is fucking retarded identity or yeah this

[29:14] is beginning to him that was stupid uh yeah I'd rather watch my soul to take

[29:21] then identity I don't know if I go that far identity is crazy okay but my soul

[29:26] did so that's my recommendation for tonight there's identity no and it's

[29:30] there's a Ripper character at this one that I like that sounds a little bit

[29:33] like Freddy he does occasionally but he never becomes his own character that's

[29:37] the thing no he looks like Rob Zombie he looks like Rob Zombie he just kind of

[29:41] talks like this possibly in an attempt to vilify Rob Zombie when Rob Zombie is

[29:47] doing that himself just fine actually no he's not he seems like a pleasant enough

[29:51] fellow in his in the movies he hosts return to classic movies every now and

[29:55] then he seems very you know very keen on

[30:00] but his wife shared the zombie on display in each of his films.

[30:04] Yeah, I mean, I don't...

[30:05] Firm cast, firm cast material.

[30:06] No, I'm just saying he's a sharing fellow.

[30:08] I cannot mention...

[30:09] Learn to learn.

[30:10] Learn to learn.

[30:11] It's like you have a...

[30:12] He likes to...

[30:13] It's like your brain is a nudity-seeking missile.

[30:14] It's like you can't go 10 seconds without thinking of a way to turn it to boobs.

[30:20] Do they have those?

[30:21] Do they have nudity-seeking missiles?

[30:22] They don't.

[30:23] How much do they cost?

[30:24] Can I get seven?

[30:26] Do they just...

[30:27] When they detonate, do they just create a wind effect like the end of screwballs blowing

[30:31] all the tops off the windows?

[30:32] Yeah, just blowing clothes off.

[30:33] But it seeks nudity, so it's not like it's...

[30:36] It's not looking for clothed women.

[30:37] Well, maybe so that the clothed women near the nude women get their tops blown off too.

[30:41] Oh, okay.

[30:42] So like the...

[30:43] Where are they hanging out?

[30:44] There are these nude women with clothed women hanging around.

[30:47] Like at a school assembly or like one of those...

[30:49] Why are there nude women at a school assembly?

[30:50] One of those nude women, clothed women mixers.

[30:52] They're like, see how the other half works.

[30:54] It's like a topless football match played in the mud.

[30:57] Like HOTS.

[30:58] Yeah.

[30:59] Like the movie HOTS, which stands for Hot Ots.

[31:04] I guess, right?

[31:05] Like what does that...

[31:06] It's got initials.

[31:07] What does it stand for?

[31:08] The movie's H-O-T-S.

[31:09] I've seen that movie like a zillion times.

[31:12] I bet you some listener of this podcast knows what HOTS stands for.

[31:16] Right in.

[31:17] Right in, because we're too lazy to Google.

[31:19] I'm not Googling that.

[31:20] So we can talk about it at parties.

[31:22] What parties are we at?

[31:23] I'm at all kinds of fucking parties, dude.

[31:25] You're at HOTS parties?

[31:27] Well, we talk about HOTS sometimes.

[31:30] I'm not going to let you in on it.

[31:32] You've done a lot of things.

[31:33] Contemporary poetry, politics, HOTS.

[31:36] These are sophisticated parties.

[31:38] The three major topics.

[31:40] Yeah, I mean, I'd call them the pillars.

[31:42] Just me and David Remnick and Lionel Trilling talking about HOTS.

[31:50] So, My Soul to Take.

[31:52] It's got an irritating name.

[31:53] It does.

[31:54] Terrible title.

[31:55] Hard to remember.

[31:56] It was released in 3D originally, but not filmed in 3D, and you can tell.

[31:59] That's a good sign.

[32:00] It was the lowest grossing 3D film at the time.

[32:03] At the time.

[32:04] I read in Wikipedia that it was replaced by Gulliver's Travels.

[32:09] The movie where the ad for it shows Jack Black saying,

[32:13] It hurts my butt.

[32:16] Well, look, they boiled it down.

[32:17] That was from the original Jonathan Swift.

[32:20] You can't blame Jack Black.

[32:22] A lot of Gulliver's Travels, the book is about his butt getting hurt.

[32:26] By big guys, little guys, horse people.

[32:28] They just love to hurt his butt.

[32:32] There's a lot of scenes in Don Quixote, the book, that are basically just slapstick.

[32:36] But I remember reading it, and there's a scene at the beginning where

[32:38] Don Quixote mixes up what he says is medicine, but it's just garbage.

[32:42] And he drinks it, and he makes Sancho Panza drink it,

[32:44] and they're just pooping and throwing up all over the place.

[32:48] And I'm reading it, and I'm like, wait a minute, what?

[32:53] Like, seriously, this is what's going on?

[32:55] It's like Dumb and Dumber over here.

[32:59] So let's put this to bed.

[33:01] Let's talk about our final judgments on this film.

[33:04] Final judgments, bitch.

[33:08] Is this a good, bad movie?

[33:09] A bad, bad movie?

[33:10] Or a movie you actually kind of like?

[33:11] Stuart, go.

[33:13] Well, like the Riverton Ripper, I believe that the movie my soul to take stinks.

[33:25] Are you saying you think the Riverton Ripper stinks?

[33:27] Yeah, he lives in the woods, and he doesn't bathe.

[33:29] The Riverton Ripper thinks that the movie stinks?

[33:32] No, I'm thinking the character stinks, because he doesn't bathe.

[33:35] He's got that crazy hair.

[33:36] But he's that kid. He does bathe.

[33:39] Oh, so wait, he's not the original guy?

[33:43] He's just lived in the woods?

[33:44] No, his soul jumped into a kid's body.

[33:46] Okay, I don't know if I can give a judgment.

[33:49] I didn't really pay that much attention.

[33:51] Well, then all of your judgments have been rendered.

[33:55] Yeah, because usually with a fine-tooth comb you're going over these films.

[33:58] Often, Stuart's like, let's rewind that scene.

[34:00] I think there's some nuances that we missed.

[34:02] I think on second viewing, I might be able to uncover some more layers.

[34:06] I have to look it over.

[34:09] What about you, Daniel-san?

[34:11] Well, I'll give it points for employing our good friend Eric Zuckerman.

[34:17] Casting agents in Los Angeles, please keep an eye out for him.

[34:21] He's a great young talent.

[34:25] Otherwise, I don't care for this film.

[34:28] I found it difficult to follow and unpleasant.

[34:32] So, Elliot, what do you have to say?

[34:34] Maybe my top ten of the decade.

[34:36] I think it goes Zodiac, Toy Story 3, My Soul to Take.

[34:41] Wow.

[34:42] No, it was a bad, bad movie.

[34:44] Okay.

[34:45] I really like the classic.

[34:46] You really like that part where the ripper cut the Christian girl's throat and a shitload of CGI blood.

[34:54] Did I love that part?

[34:55] No, you were saying it looked really real.

[34:57] Yeah, there's a lot of CGI blood in the throat-cutting scenes.

[35:00] I believe I said it was the worst CGI blood since Zadowichi.

[35:04] There was no dancing, although the end credits were pretty close.

[35:07] Yeah, that's close to the dancing in Zadowichi, except Zadowichi dancing was awesome.

[35:12] But I'm not a fan of CGI blood.

[35:14] There doesn't have to be so much fake blood in a scene.

[35:16] Just a little bit of, like, Karo syrup is better than, like, torrents of computer blood.

[35:21] Yeah.

[35:22] Sylvester Stallone.

[35:24] Yeah, take that, sly.

[35:26] And Sylvester the cat.

[35:27] You know what I'm talking about.

[35:29] Okay.

[35:31] Now that Stuart is back from wandering off into the kitchen to get some water...

[35:39] I don't know why they didn't notice. The audience didn't know he got up and came back.

[35:43] Well, I kept acting as if I was about to say something, and then I felt like I needed to finish that thought.

[35:48] But they can't see that you're doing that.

[35:50] Well, they can hear.

[35:51] No, they can't.

[35:52] This is not a video cast.

[35:54] Oh, yeah, that's true.

[35:56] I want to take care of some business first.

[35:59] Yeah.

[36:00] I want to say, first off, a donation thanks to Kelly H.

[36:05] Thank you.

[36:06] Thanks, Kelly.

[36:07] For donating to the podcast.

[36:08] I also want to say I got an e-mail today about the 7th Annual Podcast Awards.

[36:13] Did we win?

[36:14] No, no, but...

[36:15] We lost.

[36:16] The nominating period will open tomorrow, but that will be in the past by this time.

[36:23] Whoa, you're hurting my brain, Isaac Asimov.

[36:26] So what date does the nominating process open? September 15th?

[36:29] The nominating process opens on the 15th.

[36:32] We will have some sort of a link up on the site.

[36:36] If you wish to nominate The Flophouse in all qualifying categories for your favorite podcast, I say why not do it.

[36:44] Probably like best podcast, sexiest podcast.

[36:47] Best thing ever in the world.

[36:48] Funniest podcast.

[36:49] Funniest podcast.

[36:50] Handsomest podcast host, Ellie Kalin.

[36:52] Handsomest podcast host, Stuart Wellington.

[36:55] Funniest podcast, he said that.

[36:57] Coolest podcast.

[36:59] I can't help but think that I've been snubbed.

[37:02] Best DuckTales-themed podcast.

[37:05] That was just one episode.

[37:07] What were we even talking about?

[37:08] Oh, yeah, it was how to kill Scrooge McDuck.

[37:10] Bury him in his money pit.

[37:12] No one can hear him.

[37:13] Just cover him with coins.

[37:14] Everyone assumes he drowned and it was an accident.

[37:16] Yep.

[37:18] And that number one dime is all mine.

[37:21] Wait a minute, I'm beginning to think that Stuart is magic and a spell.

[37:24] Or Flint Glomgold.

[37:26] Flint Hart Glomgold, please.

[37:28] I know him well enough that I just call him Flint.

[37:31] Okay.

[37:32] Our man Flint.

[37:34] He's a duck.

[37:35] Okay, well, anyway.

[37:36] Our duck Flint.

[37:38] So, some emails, some electronic mails.

[37:42] Okay, mail from the electrons.

[37:45] Dear Flophouse, I'm very tiny being an electron, but I really enjoy listening to your podcast.

[37:50] I don't have ears, but I do have a negative charge.

[37:53] Anyway, how do I get a girlfriend?

[37:55] Signed E-lectron.

[37:57] Signed A-e-lectron.

[38:00] How do I get a girlfriend?

[38:03] Oh, we're that kind of a podcast.

[38:04] I didn't realize we were a romance podcast.

[38:08] Here's a pro tip for E-lectron.

[38:12] Buy a girl some flowers.

[38:14] They love that.

[38:15] Wait, that's a pro tip?

[38:17] It's a tip from the pros.

[38:19] I guess boyfriend, professional boyfriend?

[38:21] Because that's a gigolo.

[38:23] Yeah, I mean, I'd be up for it.

[38:27] Well, we'll sign the contract later.

[38:29] Sure.

[38:30] So, this email is titled Emilio Molestavez.

[38:35] And it says, hi gang, just wanted to say thanks to Elliot from his enlightened and insightful critique of Sucker Punch's women problems.

[38:42] Hey, no problem.

[38:43] I was disenheartened to read a lot of fanboy reactions to Sucker Punch that painted it as some sort of triumph for female-driven action films.

[38:50] And not the degrading, spank-bank material it really is.

[38:53] Obviously, I turned to the Flophouse for all my feminist film criticism.

[38:57] With Pervo McCoy over here.

[38:59] But that episode really hit it out of the park, especially since you also analyzed the Switcharoonie poster.

[39:05] Also, Dan, please don't listen to this.

[39:07] Brad Clown, a full hour of Flophouse is perfect.

[39:10] Stuart, just keep doing what you're doing, buddy.

[39:13] Ashley, last name without.

[39:14] Yes.

[39:15] Now, I mean, I have one objection to this.

[39:17] What's that?

[39:18] And that is I feel that, Stuart, you and I, I feel like you and I also joined in on the feminist critique of Sucker Punch.

[39:24] Have we had this conversation before?

[39:25] But we had it over email.

[39:26] Oh, OK. That's why. I was like…

[39:28] But, Elliot, you get all the credit for some reason.

[39:32] I made the strongest argument, and I believed it the most, and I'm not a total pervazoid.

[39:37] And I was just making fart sounds, probably.

[39:39] Yeah, but funny.

[39:40] No, I'm hilarious.

[39:42] Let's be honest. You are a total pervazoid.

[39:46] I keep my total pervazoidness hidden behind my countenance.

[39:50] Well, I'm in the lock and key.

[39:51] I don't talk about it in public. It's a private thing between me and my computer and my penis.

[39:55] Maybe I'm a more honest person.

[39:57] Nope.

[39:58] More honest than open.

[39:59] Nope.

[40:00] We all wear a mask, some are silk and some are leather, and yours you don't wear, which you should, because your soul is hideous.

[40:08] How's that working out for you, Dan?

[40:10] I think that people have responded to it well in general.

[40:13] Yeah, positively, sure.

[40:14] I am amazed you are not in jail.

[40:17] I will say there was an article in the AV Club today about Sucker Punch that made the interesting point that Zack Snyder thought he was making a movie decrying the objectification of women.

[40:29] And I think he failed.

[40:32] Yeah, it was the opposite day apparently.

[40:35] It was an interesting article because I could sort of see the argument of what he was trying to say.

[40:41] But even if he legitimately was trying to say it, he did it wrong.

[40:45] Yes, and it came off as Spank Bank material.

[40:48] But not like one of those good Spank Banks that you can trust.

[40:50] Yeah.

[40:51] Like a Spank Bank run by a drug boss.

[40:53] Sure, one of those Spank Banks that needed to be bailed out during the Spank Bank.

[40:58] Yeah, with taxpayer sperm.

[41:00] And then look at them.

[41:02] They are giving each other bonuses.

[41:03] Meanwhile, we are paying higher taxes in sperm.

[41:08] I am trying to find a way to link bonus to boners.

[41:13] I can see the look on your face as you immediately latched on to the word bonus.

[41:18] Good enough.

[41:21] I mean good enough that you recognize.

[41:22] Bonus.

[41:23] So see, I have harnessed.

[41:24] Words sound like other words.

[41:25] I have heard and harnessed my perversion for the greater good is what I am saying.

[41:30] Okay.

[41:31] Well, this is.

[41:32] Well, thank you, Ashley.

[41:33] Last name without.

[41:34] Thank you very much.

[41:35] Very nice.

[41:36] Glad you have appreciated it.

[41:37] This message is titled Twin Sitters Premium.

[41:39] Is that the membership level of Twin Sitters?

[41:43] Or is that like Twin Sitters Unbedded?

[41:47] You get extra content when you get Twin Sitters Premium.

[41:49] Wow.

[41:50] Then why are we not members?

[41:52] This says, firstly, I just wanted to say congrats on getting in on the AV Club and your first live event.

[41:58] Sadly, I was unable to attend because I live in Mississippi, which is both geographically and culturally a long way from New York.

[42:05] May I put up.

[42:06] Hey, come on.

[42:07] There's a lot of great places in this country.

[42:08] Let's not put them down.

[42:09] Sure.

[42:10] See.

[42:11] Ron Bravis or.

[42:12] Yeah, governor of Mississippi.

[42:14] May I put out the suggestion that you guys record some sort of running commentary on Twin Sitters a la Riff Trax and put it up on iTunes as a premium episode.

[42:22] The money you make off the downloads can go towards helping Dan pay for the site or more beer and Popeyes.

[42:28] Either way, I've been a fan for a long time.

[42:30] It would be nice to at least get part of what the live audience got to enjoy.

[42:33] P.S.

[42:34] A few episodes ago, you started a contest with no prize that was quickly forgotten about.

[42:39] Sounds like one of our contests.

[42:42] That said, I thought I'd just finding that out is solving it.

[42:47] That said, I thought I'd throw my suggestion out before the contest ruiner beats me to it.

[42:52] You asked what the Flophouse house cat would look like.

[42:54] I've always pictured him to be like the cat from the insane Japanese cult film House.

[42:59] It's white, fluffy, has glowing eyes and is possessed by a demon.

[43:02] It's perfect.

[43:03] And that's from Sean.

[43:04] Last name with hell.

[43:05] Well, thank you, Sean.

[43:06] Sorry you couldn't make it to the Twin Sitters event.

[43:08] It was amazing.

[43:10] It was pretty great.

[43:11] Stewart called the guy by his wrong name and we embarrassed our wives and fiance.

[43:17] I mean, that is a good idea.

[43:19] There are two problems with it.

[43:21] Number one, it would require watching Twin Sitters again.

[43:24] Yeah.

[43:25] And number two.

[43:26] So you're saying it would be too pleasurable?

[43:30] Number two, obviously, I'm having enough technical problems not having hip hop occurring in the background of our podcast.

[43:37] Yeah.

[43:38] So figuring out how to do a riff track style commentary where we would not be recording the audio of the movie we're watching.

[43:46] We'd have to be wearing headphones to watch the movie.

[43:49] And that would be sort of super scientific.

[43:53] We've watched that movie so many times, though.

[43:55] I mean, we don't need to hear it.

[43:56] That's true.

[43:57] We know it word for word, yeah.

[43:58] Yeah.

[43:59] We could watch it with the caption, although I'd love to hear the songs.

[44:02] That's true.

[44:03] Maybe the songs are captioned.

[44:04] Yeah, I hope so.

[44:05] I wonder if it is closed captioned.

[44:07] It's a DVD.

[44:08] It'll probably have subtitles or captions on it, yeah.

[44:10] I mean, you wouldn't want somebody who's hard of hearing to miss out on the Twin Sitters.

[44:15] Oh, no, not at all.

[44:16] What is that, a supercut?

[44:17] One of the pinnacles of Western art.

[44:19] Yeah.

[44:20] Yeah, it's right up there with the Don Quixote poop and vomit scene.

[44:23] So we are working on it to answer your questions.

[44:27] Yes, our top minds are on that.

[44:29] To lie to you, we will say we are working on it.

[44:32] We can work on it.

[44:33] Yes.

[44:34] I mean, you can continue to antagonize our listener, Dan,

[44:38] or you can try and make a—you can give some platitudes like I am.

[44:42] It's not me.

[44:43] It's my baboon heart that's doing that.

[44:44] I thought it wasn't a baboon heart.

[44:46] I think it's a good idea.

[44:47] I think it is a good idea, and we can try.

[44:49] We'll see.

[44:50] I don't think if—we'll try to get it up at some point maybe, but it won't be soon.

[44:54] Although we have—I mean, we have talked about doing another live event in the winter.

[44:58] Maybe in Mississippi.

[44:59] I don't know if it'll change the fact that he's in Mississippi, but yeah.

[45:02] Well, maybe by then he will move to a better state.

[45:04] Whoa!

[45:06] Wowzers!

[45:07] There it is.

[45:08] There's the antagonist.

[45:09] There he goes, yeah.

[45:12] Jake LastnameWithHell writes in and says,

[45:14] I'm going to assume his last name is The Snake.

[45:17] I thought it was going to be and The Fat Man.

[45:22] Jake N.T. Fat Man.

[45:25] He writes in to say,

[45:26] Hey, dudes!

[45:29] Sounds like my kind of guy.

[45:31] That's three yous.

[45:33] I never really listened to podcasts until a friend of mine recommended this to me about six months ago.

[45:38] I listened to the famed Bratz episode and immediately was addicted.

[45:41] I assumed there were other podcasts as good as yours out there, but after hours of searching, I found nothing.

[45:47] So congratulations.

[45:48] You're the best.

[45:49] Thank you.

[45:50] And now for my question.

[45:51] Oh, boy.

[45:52] They always want something.

[45:53] We give and we give, and they take and they take.

[45:55] Is the mic on?

[45:57] He says, if you had to fight one character from a movie you've watched on the podcast, who would it be?

[46:04] Perhaps Sir Ben Kingsley, although he seemed to be a match for the Prince of Persia.

[46:08] Yeah, that was Ben.

[46:09] It made no sense.

[46:11] I wouldn't fight him.

[46:12] He's way tough.

[46:14] He's wiry.

[46:16] He's a wiry old fellow.

[46:18] I wouldn't fight the guy from Beastly because he was super strong.

[46:21] Yeah, he was beastly.

[46:22] Maybe, oh, well, I have my answer, but whatever you're...

[46:25] I'm just working through it.

[46:26] I wouldn't fight the Olsen twin from Beastly because she's magic.

[46:31] Do you remember any movie?

[46:32] Well, I'll say I would fight the Angels from Legion because you can just push them over and they dissolve into dust.

[46:40] It literally is like boxing a baby.

[46:43] We went over this in detail in the Legion episode.

[46:47] I think I might fight one of the...

[46:49] One of the Neanderthals from 10,000 BC if I was allowed a Uzi to go up against their spear.

[46:57] Just out of pure spite for them boring me for a couple of hours.

[47:02] You'd have to see them hunt mammoths.

[47:04] You know what?

[47:05] What we call mammoths.

[47:06] I've decided.

[47:07] I'd fight the kid from Gooby because he's a little pussy.

[47:10] Wow.

[47:11] He's like a little kid.

[47:12] I could beat him up.

[47:13] Sure.

[47:14] I mean...

[47:16] Gooby might swoop in.

[47:17] I see a cop-and-a-half type scenario coming where the kid turns out to be more than you can handle.

[47:24] Kid with a badge.

[47:27] Worst kind.

[47:29] This next one is from Jake last name.

[47:31] Sorry.

[47:32] That was the last one.

[47:33] Sorry.

[47:34] Jake the snake and the fat man.

[47:35] This one's from Jordan.

[47:36] Last name withheld.

[47:38] He says, I just listened to your podcast about old dogs, which is awesome, by the way.

[47:44] I wanted to share some older good, bad movies with you.

[47:47] Oh, wait.

[47:48] I did do that one.

[47:49] You did do that.

[47:50] Yeah.

[47:51] Wild hogs that I didn't do.

[47:52] Yeah.

[47:53] You missed wild hogs.

[47:54] But old dogs and luck.

[47:55] Maybe you'll be here for crazy frogs or tired logs.

[48:01] Sweaty fogs.

[48:03] We shouldn't do that one.

[48:06] That sounds like one of those movies Dan likes to watch.

[48:08] Huh?

[48:09] You know?

[48:10] I don't know what you mean.

[48:11] Sweaty.

[48:12] All right.

[48:13] I don't understand.

[48:14] Like a workout movie?

[48:15] Yeah.

[48:16] Like exercise?

[48:17] Kind of.

[48:18] I mean, they're working out in it.

[48:19] But anyway, Jordan says that he wants to share some good, bad movies.

[48:25] And his suggestions are one, Lethal Tender.

[48:29] Maybe my favorite bad movie.

[48:31] It stars Kim Coates from Battlefield Earth and Waterworld as the villain Montessi.

[48:36] One of the worst performances as a villain ever.

[48:38] It also has Gary Busey as a bad guy and Jeff Fahey as the good guy.

[48:42] Always a good guy in my heart.

[48:44] Involves Montessi.

[48:48] Involves Montessi infiltrating a water filtration plant.

[48:52] I love it already.

[48:53] And taking hostages.

[48:55] Number two, Radical Jack.

[48:58] Is that like kangaroo jack?

[49:00] All he says is it's a movie starring Billy Ray Cyrus.

[49:05] That's all the information.

[49:06] I feel like we need more information on Radical Jack.

[49:08] Yeah, we'll do some research on Radical Jack.

[49:11] Number three, Free Jack.

[49:12] A lot of Jack movies.

[49:13] Sure.

[49:14] I'm sure you guys have seen this one.

[49:15] But one of the better sci-fi good, bad movies.

[49:17] And lastly, Monster Dog.

[49:20] A movie with Alice Cooper that is practically unwatchable.

[49:23] I don't know how that's possible.

[49:24] It's a movie about a monster dog with Alice Cooper.

[49:27] It seems like you have everything.

[49:29] You got everything.

[49:30] Is it like Frankenweenie?

[49:32] Well, maybe.

[49:33] Probably not directed by Tim Burton.

[49:34] No.

[49:35] I would assume.

[49:37] Well, I don't know.

[49:39] Oh, is it like Man's Best Friend?

[49:41] About the government lab dog that escapes and befriends a family?

[49:47] I haven't seen Monster Dog.

[49:48] Stewart, tell us about Monster Dog.

[49:49] Stop looking at me like that.

[49:50] I have not seen it.

[49:51] Is it like Beethoven?

[49:52] It's like Marmaduke.

[49:54] Is it like Beethoven's Third?

[49:56] Why have we not watched Marmaduke for this thing?

[49:59] That's a good question.

[50:00] Dan has already seen it.

[50:01] I have not seen it.

[50:02] Oh yeah, you went to the opening, to the premiere,

[50:04] because you're such a Marma fan.

[50:06] You're real Marm Head.

[50:08] I don't know, Marma Client.

[50:09] Real Marmite.

[50:11] You're real dookie.

[50:13] Speaking of Marmite,

[50:14] our next letter comes from Melbourne, Australia.

[50:17] Oh!

[50:19] All the way on the other side of the world, good segue.

[50:21] It's from Dan last night.

[50:22] Segue of the week.

[50:25] And it's titled, Good News for Stuart.

[50:28] Yes.

[50:29] It's gonna be about beer.

[50:31] Dan says, Sean Hayes has a new show on NBC.

[50:36] Hopefully, this sates Stuart's obvious thirst

[50:40] for new Hayes material.

[50:43] Enjoy the podcast,

[50:44] especially Stuart's random David Wynnum slam

[50:47] in the old dogs episode.

[50:49] Yes!

[50:51] Sean Hayes, I hate Sean Hayes.

[50:54] I hate him so much.

[50:54] I didn't remember you had any particular feelings

[50:56] about Sean Hayes.

[51:00] I don't know, I mean, I'm sure I've said something.

[51:02] No, I remember his constant references

[51:05] to how he wants a Sean Hayes type in a role.

[51:08] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[51:09] Like the delightful humor of Sean Hayes,

[51:11] like this is what this needs, just some Sean Hayes.

[51:14] Did I describe you as being a Sean Hayes type?

[51:17] Like, you just come into a room and brighten it.

[51:21] It seems that odd,

[51:22] what you were saying about Sean Hayes just moments ago.

[51:25] And what you say about Dan every podcast.

[51:29] Oh man, good times.

[51:31] I love letters.

[51:32] Yeah, me too.

[51:33] That's my favorite part of life,

[51:35] is answering letters for the Flophouse.

[51:37] So please write some more in, Flophouse fans.

[51:39] So you don't die?

[51:42] What?

[51:43] I didn't say extended my life.

[51:44] I said the rest of my life is a sham.

[51:47] So let's turn this meat around.

[51:51] Oh, okay.

[51:52] And let's move on to some quick recommendations

[51:55] about movies that perhaps people might want to watch

[51:59] instead of My Soul to Take.

[52:02] Anything.

[52:03] Okay, so your recommendation is anything.

[52:05] My recommendation is anything your eyes can look at

[52:07] that is not this movie.

[52:09] No, I-

[52:09] No, look out the window.

[52:10] I mean, some beautiful things.

[52:11] Unless you're looking out at the window

[52:14] onto a movie screen playing My Soul to Take.

[52:16] Okay, guys, I'm all prepped, so.

[52:20] So go ahead.

[52:21] Okay, I'm gonna go.

[52:22] Let me guess, let me guess,

[52:23] is it about a maniac that's invisible?

[52:26] It's a movie called The Invisible Maniac.

[52:27] Oh, my God.

[52:28] Is that the only movie you watch?

[52:31] Yeah, I watched it the other day.

[52:34] That's not true.

[52:34] I don't own it anymore.

[52:36] You own more.

[52:37] I don't have a VHS player.

[52:38] The court forcibly removed it from him for his own good.

[52:43] So it's called The Invisible Maniac.

[52:45] Guy goes invisible, kills a bunch of people,

[52:47] kills a person with a submarine sand,

[52:49] which stomps on a guy's head and it explodes.

[52:52] Does any man rip off his own ding dong in this?

[52:56] Or is that just a Castlevania thing?

[52:57] You're ignoring the...

[52:58] He said, be quick about recommendations.

[53:00] Why are you slowing me down?

[53:02] I mean, there's a lot of murder,

[53:02] but you're also ignoring the fact

[53:04] that The Invisible Maniac mainly becomes invisible

[53:06] if you spy on naked women.

[53:08] Of course, that's the part that Dan would latch onto.

[53:10] Primarily the thing about the movie.

[53:14] Well, I mean, I like the submarine sandwich murder.

[53:17] Okay.

[53:19] So, Dan, what's your movie?

[53:20] I thought it was more of like a character study.

[53:23] All right.

[53:24] Yes, it's a real slice of life caper.

[53:29] Like a mumblecore film.

[53:31] I haven't...

[53:32] Maniac core.

[53:34] I actually haven't seen a movie

[53:37] that I would recommend in the past week.

[53:38] So I'm gonna go to a classic recommendation.

[53:43] For my birthday,

[53:44] I got the Blu-ray of Sweet Smell of Success,

[53:48] which is a marvelous movie.

[53:50] It's a great jazz score.

[53:51] A couple of great lead performances.

[53:55] For Lancaster and Tony Curtis.

[53:57] A wonderful script.

[53:59] Ernst Lehmann.

[54:01] And just some beautiful cinematography.

[54:04] The director was Alexander McKendrick.

[54:06] I don't remember who the cinematographer was.

[54:07] I'm gonna say James Wong Howe.

[54:08] So I think you might be right, actually.

[54:10] I'm just gonna guess,

[54:11] because it looks like his stuff.

[54:13] So if you want to see just a real cynical tale

[54:16] of old New York journalism,

[54:20] go out and watch The Sweet Smell of Success.

[54:23] It's a crackling film, as they would say.

[54:27] Okay.

[54:28] That's what I thought.

[54:29] Oh, I thought you were gonna give it

[54:30] like a Gene Shalit-type sign-off.

[54:33] Good buying, good billing.

[54:34] The sweet smell is The Sweet Smell of Success.

[54:38] You'll be smelling roses all day.

[54:41] I will recommend a movie I did watch this past week.

[54:45] It is a Danish action film called Flame and Citrone,

[54:51] which is from a couple years ago.

[54:53] It's about candles.

[54:53] Yes, it's about smelly candles.

[54:55] It's loosely based on the true story

[54:58] of two guys who were part of the Danish underground

[55:01] during World War II,

[55:02] and were a two-man team.

[55:05] One of them drove, and the other one shot Nazis

[55:07] and Nazi sympathizers in the head.

[55:09] And kind of about how seedy,

[55:11] even though they had a noble goal,

[55:13] which was freeing Denmark from the Nazis,

[55:16] how seedy their lives could turn out,

[55:18] and the lies and betrayal and so forth.

[55:21] And it had really good action shootout scenes in it.

[55:24] It was the most, and stars Mads Mikkelsen

[55:27] as one of the stars in it.

[55:28] And it was the most expensive movie ever made in Denmark,

[55:31] and I think it cost about $12 million.

[55:33] So it shows you how inexpensive the rest of the world is.

[55:38] So there you go, unless Stuart wants to come up

[55:40] with a non-expensive-

[55:41] With a real recommendation.

[55:42] Meaning a recommendation.

[55:44] That's what I want to recommend this week.

[55:46] I figure if I repeat some of my recommendations,

[55:49] I'll get it, sure.

[55:50] I mean, certainly they'll be looking forward

[55:51] to that submarine sandwich scene.

[55:54] I just saw an email recently

[55:55] where someone was thanking you

[55:56] for recommending Castle Freak,

[55:58] although I don't know how they saw Castle Freak,

[55:59] because I don't believe it's on DVD or-

[56:01] I don't know if it's on DVD.

[56:02] Really?

[56:03] Yeah, they released a,

[56:04] there's a Stuart Gordon set that has Castle Freak on it.

[56:07] I gotta get on that.

[56:08] The thing is, I mean, I just,

[56:10] I like helping people out.

[56:13] It's kind of what I do, you know?

[56:15] You're a real public servant, yeah.

[56:17] In the cause of Castle Freak and Invisible Maniac.

[56:19] Well, it makes people happy, you know?

[56:21] All right, guys.

[56:22] Well, where there's a ding-dong being ripped off,

[56:25] I'll be there.

[56:26] Where there's a submarine sandwich killing a guy,

[56:28] I'll be there.

[56:30] Well, the sandwich doesn't kill the guy.

[56:32] The guy, it's a weapon.

[56:34] You don't blame the gun for shooting somebody.

[56:36] Sure, I do.

[56:37] When it's an evil gun.

[56:39] All right.

[56:40] When it's Megatron.

[56:42] Let's-

[56:43] When it's Gunzo, the talking gun.

[56:45] Let's wrap this up in the hopes

[56:46] that the audio on this was listenable.

[56:50] And I'll just say that I've been Dan McCoy.

[56:53] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[56:55] And I will be Ellie Kaelin forever

[56:57] without beginning or end for eternity.

[57:00] Night, everyone.

[57:00] Can we turn the AC on?

[57:01] It's fucking really hot in here.

[57:09] So you guys are gonna come to my wedding, right?

[57:11] Yeah, we already have our tickets and hotel reservations.

[57:16] Okay.

[57:17] You don't gotta be a dick about it.

[57:19] At this point, you should know we're good.

[57:20] I mean, we've both sent in-

[57:21] I mean, I'm excited to see you.

[57:22] My RSVP.

[57:23] Well, we're sending out the actual invitation soon.

[57:26] Oh, well, I must've RSVP'd to save the date.

[57:28] Yeah.

[57:29] Okay.

[57:30] Let's do this bullshit.

The Flop House: Episode #87 - My Soul to Take

Transcript

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