The Flop House: Episode #88 - Priest

[0:00] It's the most magical time of the year, Shocktober, and we kick it off with Paul Bettany's Flophouse

[0:08] follow-up to Legion, Priest.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy, I'm Stuart Wellington, and I'm

[0:43] Tom Silvestro.

[0:44] Yes, Elliot is taking the week off due to Judaism, due to the Jewish holidays.

[0:56] The Jews have a lot of holidays, I've noticed this.

[0:59] Is this a bit?

[1:00] Are you riffing or something?

[1:01] They have quite a few, yeah, yeah.

[1:02] I mean, they get off work for a lot of holy days.

[1:08] What?

[1:09] Are you complaining or something?

[1:10] Holidays.

[1:11] What?

[1:12] Holidays.

[1:13] Oh, like challah bread?

[1:14] Mm-hmm.

[1:15] Oh, okay.

[1:16] That's a delicious bread.

[1:20] But instead of Elliot, we have another gentleman with black-rimmed glasses sitting in, Mr.

[1:28] Tom Silvestro.

[1:29] Hello, it's good to be here.

[1:30] So, you're going to be our nerd for the night?

[1:33] I'll be the, yeah.

[1:34] You'll be the nerd.

[1:35] The nerd stand-in.

[1:36] That's cool.

[1:37] Tom, I know from doing comedy videos here in New York, he is one-third of Escape Pod

[1:45] Films, a comedy internet short collective that you should all check out.

[1:51] Sure.

[1:52] I like the sound of that.

[1:53] I mean, you can expat upon that while I try and drink some beer to keep myself from coughing.

[1:59] Yeah, with Escape Pod Films, it's me, two other guys, we met in college, classic.

[2:07] Their names are unimportant.

[2:08] Yeah, yeah.

[2:09] No, Jeremy Westfall, Chris Pryne, and we reconnected down here in New York City and started making

[2:16] sketches, web series, and we met Dan actually through Channel 101, so.

[2:21] That was when you made that little internet thing, that little cartoon thing, right?

[2:25] 9 AM meeting.

[2:26] Yeah, yeah.

[2:27] Sensation steward.

[2:28] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[2:29] When am I going to see that on TV?

[2:32] Actually, it's actually going to appear on television on September the 30th.

[2:38] Okay, save the plugs for later, guys.

[2:40] I mean, while I make a plug, this is going to actually, you know, this is going to drop

[2:45] after it's been on television and it's only going to be local New York TV, so.

[2:50] This is the Flop House.

[2:51] We watch a movie and then we talk about it.

[2:55] Yeah, for the second week in a row, I feel like I just need to apologize up top.

[3:00] Yeah.

[3:01] We're still using the internal microphone on my MacBook.

[3:07] I can only assume that someone opened a radio station downstairs because I covered my cables

[3:17] with ferrite chokes that I was assured would cut down on the radio interference.

[3:25] Yeah, it did so, but not to the degree that I was comfortable using the microphones.

[3:30] Yeah, we're really all about quality control here.

[3:34] I mean, we run a pretty tight ship, right, Tom?

[3:36] Oh, I can tell, yeah.

[3:37] Just by this lavish studio, it's very impressive.

[3:41] Yep, there's noise-canceling tiles that we've stapled to the walls in my apartment.

[3:47] Yep, only the finest beers are consumed by.

[3:50] Only the quietest beers.

[3:53] The most carbonated beers.

[3:55] We actually leave our beers out for several weeks so we don't get that popping on a microphone.

[4:00] Yep, and sometimes the air conditioner is quiet enough that I can actually hear the

[4:05] dialogue in the movie.

[4:07] This was not one of those times, but most of the time.

[4:11] So to get to the movie we actually watched.

[4:13] It was called...

[4:14] FREEZED!

[4:15] FREEZED!

[4:16] Wait, this is the start of, what, Shocktober, because it's about vampires or some stupid

[4:21] shit?

[4:23] This was our first Shocktober entry, despite us watching a horror movie last month in Shocktember.

[4:30] And I think that one was significantly more of a horror movie than the thing we just watched.

[4:34] Yeah, look, if I was a better producer for this podcast, I'd probably find this out a

[4:41] little better.

[4:42] Don't you have a game plan?

[4:43] A five-season storyline?

[4:45] It'll all be revealed.

[4:48] I think you'll be pretty happy with the denouement of the Flophouse.

[4:53] Thanks for the qualifier, guy.

[4:56] I'm pretty happy.

[4:59] So...

[5:00] Spoiler alert.

[5:01] So, Priest.

[5:02] Something about limbo.

[5:03] Wow.

[5:04] Alright.

[5:05] Well, that's nice, because I already have set ideas of an afterlife, and I don't want

[5:12] you to challenge my beliefs.

[5:14] Preconceptions.

[5:15] Yeah.

[5:16] So just kind of make it vague.

[5:17] Okay.

[5:18] It will end in some sort of church.

[5:19] There'll be a light.

[5:20] Some sort of glowing.

[5:21] Some sort of.

[5:22] But nothing too specific, right?

[5:23] Non-denominational church.

[5:24] Mm-hmm.

[5:25] Okay.

[5:26] With a white light.

[5:27] So we...

[5:28] Speaking of religious stuff, the movie was called Priest.

[5:30] Why was that, Dan?

[5:31] Well, it was not because it was that movie from some years back about, like, child abuse

[5:39] or some shit.

[5:40] I don't know.

[5:41] It was because it was about priests fighting vampires, which is, I feel like that's their

[5:45] number two job.

[5:47] Yeah.

[5:48] It's in the Bible.

[5:49] What's the first one?

[5:50] Exorcisms.

[5:51] Oh.

[5:52] Priest is pretty much, they deal with the supernatural.

[5:55] Monster hunting.

[5:56] Monster shit.

[5:57] Definitely.

[5:58] They're like a legion of van Helsings.

[6:01] Okay.

[6:02] And I use the word legion advisedly, because this might as well have been a follow-up to

[6:07] the movie Legion, because it starred Mr. Paul Bettany, and it was directed by the same guy

[6:11] who directed Legion, named TK, because I can't remember what it was.

[6:17] Yeah.

[6:18] Added in post.

[6:19] So, and he brought up Van Helsing, because you know how much I love that movie.

[6:23] Classic.

[6:24] And they had about the same amount of special effects.

[6:28] A lot of CGI things jumping around, right?

[6:31] Yeah.

[6:32] Less swinging around on ropes.

[6:34] I mean, so they're like vampires, but they look like mole men, mole people.

[6:40] Yeah, they look more like monsters, trolls, orcs.

[6:43] Orcs, okay.

[6:44] Froglodytes.

[6:45] But they didn't have eyeballs, right?

[6:47] Yeah, I mean, they're kind of like the movie The Descent.

[6:52] Okay.

[6:53] Yes.

[6:54] Like a white blob.

[6:55] But instead of having actual people with stuff on, they were just little Super Mario's jumping

[7:00] around.

[7:01] Or I Am Legend, kind of all the jumping, you know?

[7:03] Oh, okay.

[7:04] Yeah.

[7:05] Yeah, this is actually not a trend I'm a fan of, by the way.

[7:08] The vampire that looks more like, just like a fucking goo blob.

[7:11] Yeah.

[7:12] Just the regular bugaboo, if you will.

[7:14] Yes.

[7:15] Sure.

[7:16] I prefer the traditional vampire.

[7:18] Like, just the pale gentleman with the fangs.

[7:22] Chris Umberlee, kind of slicked back hair.

[7:24] Yeah, nice.

[7:25] Nice Eastern European suit.

[7:27] Maybe sparkles?

[7:28] Cavey?

[7:29] Maybe that?

[7:30] Or capes?

[7:32] That seems newer.

[7:34] Widow's Peak?

[7:35] I thought that was Hammer Horror.

[7:36] They were all sparkly.

[7:37] Sure, they go under the sun and they sparkle like diamonds.

[7:41] In the absence of Elliot, I feel like someone should summarize.

[7:44] I want to summarize this one.

[7:46] I got this.

[7:47] Okay, I got this one, guys.

[7:48] All right.

[7:49] You guys, when I fuck up, just please throw out what I messed up.

[7:52] So, the movie begins.

[7:54] Paul Bettany and a bunch of other dudes with crosses tattooed on their foreheads.

[7:58] They're in a giant mountain.

[7:59] Oh no, it's a trap.

[8:00] A bunch of vampires attack him.

[8:02] Paul Bettany and his buddy, what's the guy?

[8:05] Yeah, the guy who played Agumar.

[8:06] Karl Urban?

[8:07] Karl Urban from Doom.

[8:08] He also played the new Dr. McCoy on the Star Trek reboot.

[8:14] Okay, so they were trying to escape and oh no, the vampires got Karl Urban and then boom,

[8:21] smash cut, we got the title Priest.

[8:23] And then an awesome cartoon.

[8:25] Then there's an awesome cartoon explaining the history of a world where vampires and

[8:29] humans are constantly at war with each other.

[8:32] They show Crusaders with swords and knights and stuff fighting vampires.

[8:37] Vampires usually winning.

[8:38] Then they show World War I dudes and then I think some other stuff.

[8:42] And then they explain how humanity was always losing until they trained a bunch of dudes

[8:48] to be ultimate vampire killers.

[8:50] The Priests.

[8:52] Okay.

[8:53] Yeah.

[8:54] I'm good so far?

[8:55] Yeah.

[8:56] Yeah.

[8:57] And then we cut to that jack off from True Blood and his family.

[9:01] They live out in the, there are farmers or something way out away from the city.

[9:05] Yeah, might as well be the old west but vampires are involved.

[9:08] And then a bunch of vampires attack and then that's the end of that for a while.

[9:15] Then we go, we cut to the city where Paul Bettany is just a regular dude.

[9:20] He's kind of wondering what he's doing because he used to be a priest but now he has to just

[9:24] blend in with society.

[9:25] The Order of the Priests has been somewhat disbanded now that the vampire problem has

[9:31] been dealt with.

[9:32] Okay.

[9:33] So he's like a soldier trying to reintegrate into the world.

[9:37] I mean he's a living weapon that now has to be just a regular dude.

[9:41] And he doesn't get to do what he's been trained for.

[9:43] It's hard.

[9:44] I mean you know how hard it is, Stuart, when your fists are lethal weapons and you can't

[9:49] use them anymore.

[9:50] Yeah, I mean I want to do what I'm trained for.

[9:52] My body has become this kind of killing machine and I don't want it to lie fallow.

[9:58] Your body's a wonderland.

[9:59] It's a wonderland.

[10:00] Wonderland machine people punching so

[10:05] Then Paul Bettany finds out that his brother who was that dude from true blood

[10:11] That his whole family was killed

[10:15] Okay, the dude is a vampire even lawyer, but in this he's not a vampire he gets killed by vampires

[10:20] Okay, spoiler twist twist. Yeah, so well. It's taking convention in putting it on its ear

[10:27] So then Paul Bettany's goes up to the

[10:30] Guys in the church played by Christopher Plummer and some other old guys that all look like Dracula's and he goes

[10:36] Hey, can I go save my family?

[10:38] I'm sure there were vampires attacking him and then Christopher Plummer's like no way you can't do it. There aren't vampires. That's bullshit

[10:44] You can't leave if you go you're in trouble

[10:46] Yeah

[10:47] He's denying the existence of vampires despite the fact that he's the head of an order that

[10:52] Was invented to fight really doesn't seem to make sense why he would be so dead set against

[11:02] And he doesn't let the people leave that that city yeah, you're not supposed to leave although

[11:07] He leaves fairly easily like he gets on his fucking crotch rocket and flies out of there and the doors are open like it's

[11:15] No big wall or anything no Game of Thrones

[11:18] Well, there's a big wall, but the gates wide open like the gates huge

[11:23] What and so we're watching this and we all look at each other and we're like, okay, so the head of the church

[11:29] He's probably in on it. We're gonna find out at the end that he's all part of this big conspiracy

[11:33] Well, I'm gonna I'm gonna let you guys know ahead of time leave. No conspiracy. No conspiracy at all. I really never get solved

[11:41] He was just he's just a dick they're just

[11:45] Baring his head in the sand well vampires threatened him

[11:49] so

[11:51] Paul Bettany goes out into the wilderness to meet them meets up with cam gajand it or cam gijon day

[12:00] From such films as the unborn

[12:04] Well, the roommates the roommate and also for those of you who have seen the movie burlesque. He's in that

[12:10] Yeah, cam gajand. It's uh, most exciting for his weird name

[12:15] Yeah, otherwise a complete block of wood on if only his acting ability lived up to his odd name not interesting name

[12:22] He's like a less interesting. Johnny Lee Miller. Mm-hmm

[12:26] Mm-hmm. Imagine someone named cam gajand it and then imagine someone named

[12:31] fad

[12:33] Smith and then

[12:36] With fad that's good interesting. He's got that kind of like dickhead

[12:41] Frat like okay quality. I'm just like a little over like a bro. Yeah, dude. Yeah

[12:49] Fad is is is really the guy that you that cam gajand it is. Okay. He doesn't have the raw sexuality that you would

[12:58] associate with

[13:01] So

[13:02] Paul Bettany meets up with his dude. They ride around for a while. They're looking for vampires turns out that

[13:10] His brother's daughter with really big eyebrows has been captured by these vampires. He's trying to hunt her down

[13:19] His brother's daughter you think you assume turns out you should have known that because of her giant eyebrows that she's in fact

[13:27] Paul Bettany's daughter

[13:31] Yeah, I mean his mother had really large eyebrows

[13:34] I don't only back in the day she had very large eyebrows, but she's not like

[13:39] Genetically, I mean, they're not like related. I mean, I thought they were brother and sister that no, they got married

[13:44] And I mean, she's not married to the priest in the movie, right? Right? I mean, we're not supposed to assume

[13:50] Yeah, that would be like extra textural information

[13:53] You would have to like associate Paul Bettany and Jennifer Connelly, although it's an interesting interpretation. I'm all good with that

[13:59] Yeah, yeah, so they ride around they go to some weird towns. They fight some vampires

[14:04] Etc, etc

[14:05] Meanwhile, the vampires are riding around in this giant train

[14:09] the leave the vampires are I guess being led by a

[14:14] vampirized Karl Urban from the beginning of the movie surprise surprise not killed now

[14:20] He combines both the powers of a priest and the powers of a vampire, dude

[14:24] I guess that allows him to fight and do karate shit and his cowboy hat never

[14:30] Thanks. I'm gonna lure his buddy Paul Bettany into the world of vampirism by

[14:35] Kidnapping his daughter, which seems like a mistake. Like I would think that he would try and lure him by not doing a dick thing

[14:43] Showing up at his house maybe with some wine be like hey

[14:47] Vampires aren't so bad. Yeah, why don't you I mean it's cool

[14:50] It's kind of a convoluted plan the whole train thing too. Is that the best mode of transportation for vampires?

[14:56] Yeah, I mean, I mean any way of getting there. We're out of the Sun I guess but

[15:02] Yeah, I mean the all you have to do is drive a motorcycle strapped full of dynamite right at it and you're fucked

[15:09] Yeah, yeah, not I mean and of course that happens in this movie. So there's a big showdown on the train

[15:17] Yeah, I mean there's really not much to it

[15:20] Basically, the movie ends with Paul Bettany

[15:23] Blow the train exploding Karl Urban exploding with it. You assume Paul Bettany saves his daughter

[15:30] Cam could jammed it shows up. He's happy

[15:33] Then Paul Bettany goes back to

[15:36] Christopher Plummer he throws a vampire head at him and then he walks away and I guess what there's vampires bitch

[15:41] Yeah, see you in the sequel. I believe he the last line of dialogue is no

[15:47] It's just the beginning and then we're supposed to assume as he rides off on his

[15:52] solar-powered crotch rocket that we're gonna be seeing more priest movies in the future

[15:58] So when's uh, when's priest 2 coming out Dan?

[16:02] Well, I mean, I don't know whenever the Taiwanese funding comes

[16:08] Why Taiwanese? I don't believe this was tied in with like a toy maker or yeah

[16:14] I'm just I'm my implication is that this was not a success. I'd like to see a priest versus Legion

[16:20] I think that I could angels versus region region. There you go

[16:24] or least

[16:29] This is one of those movies where there's a lot of

[16:34] Ignorance of the rules of physics or how things work in like the world

[16:39] I mean you for instance you talked about the end of the movie where

[16:42] The train is blowing up like

[16:44] Somehow the bad vampire blows up, but the people who leap off the train that is rocketing totally fun

[16:51] I have like, you know 150 miles an hour. They're okay

[16:54] There's a scene which

[16:56] Well, I think at that point

[16:58] Carl Urban has realized his plan is in tatters

[17:02] He might as well just explode

[17:05] What else you gonna do? Yeah Mondays. Am I right guys?

[17:09] I think Garfield did that

[17:14] Just exploded

[17:17] Everywhere

[17:22] The final Garfield he tried to kick Odie off the counter and Odie actually dodged and he's like

[17:31] Normal I think

[17:34] Pushed him over the brink. Yeah, bitch

[17:37] I

[17:44] Mean there's a scene earlier on where Maggie Q. I don't know whether we mentioned she's in the movie Maggie

[17:49] Yeah, there's uh, there's other priests who were sent to hunt down a hot lady priest

[17:54] But she just that's like joins up. Mm-hmm. They don't even address whether or not she's called a priestess or a priest

[18:00] That was my big question watching the movie. She's got we can all agree that she has a priestess boner for Paul Bettany

[18:05] Yeah, well, yeah, I mean, he's pretty awesome

[18:08] But it's an only cryptic tough guy phrases. Mm-hmm. He's got the Christian Bale kind of Batman voice

[18:14] Yeah, he's got the phony phony baloney boys

[18:18] but there's a scene where she

[18:19] throws a couple rocks in the air and Paul Bettany leaps in the air and

[18:24] Stepping stone like like jumps off of those rocks in midair to boost his jumping power

[18:31] Which as we all know is something that happens in life

[18:36] Something's flying through there. You can leap onto that other thing flying there and just like push off of it

[18:41] Well, he's just he's trained his body to such a point that I mean he can he can jump off anything Dan

[18:48] Mm-hmm

[18:49] I think they cover the lanes

[18:50] They kind of cover that in the initial crime where they're talking about the history of humans and vampires fighting

[18:55] Yeah, the laws of gravity don't apply to priests, you know in this world. Well, that was something else that Stuart you

[19:01] Brought up when we're watching the cartoon introduction to priests like which really was like the best part of the movie

[19:08] Like felt like

[19:10] educational film like

[19:13] priests in cartoon form

[19:15] but they're like nothing could stop these vampires except the ultimate weapon which turned out to be

[19:23] humans who were trained

[19:25] Vampires

[19:29] They found the ultimate weapon

[19:31] Themselves, that's the only weakness of vampires. Yeah, their only weakness is that they're not as good as human

[19:39] They can't learn to fight themselves like humans can

[19:43] It's really really weird. Yeah, they don't really state why priests are so good at fighting vampires

[19:50] well at one point he

[19:52] Paul Bettany's explained to Cam Desjardins that the trick to shooting a vampire is playing

[20:00] getting out their trajectory when they jump.

[20:02] So I think the secret to being a priest is physics.

[20:08] So yeah, just like a really, like a solid grounding in math.

[20:13] Yeah, I mean math skills.

[20:15] Some geometry, maybe lines, I'm sure.

[20:18] All right.

[20:19] So I mean, I think that's a start from there.

[20:21] You just need to know how to throw Chinese stars at shit.

[20:25] You need to know how to carve a cross

[20:28] in the point of a bullet.

[20:30] Yeah.

[20:31] So then when you shoot that bullet,

[20:32] vampires explode, I guess.

[20:34] Yep, this is one of those action movies

[20:35] where you have a guy with a whole bunch of magical tricks

[20:40] and weapons and shit,

[20:42] and he uses each fighting thing one time.

[20:46] So you never really actually,

[20:48] like you just have to assume,

[20:49] oh, I guess he can do that.

[20:51] You know?

[20:52] Right.

[20:52] It's like, oh, I guess he has a Bible filled

[20:54] with like silver throwing stars or some shit.

[20:58] He'll use it once and then you'll never ever see it again.

[21:02] I also, like I'm-

[21:03] Like I would think if it worked so well that first time,

[21:05] he'd use it all the fucking time.

[21:06] He'd have a bunch of them, yeah.

[21:07] Yeah, I'd have like a million Bibles

[21:09] filled with little shurikens.

[21:11] Right.

[21:12] I'm not arguing for like a more like hyper-religious

[21:15] like vampire film,

[21:16] but it also like irritates me

[21:18] whenever there's one of these vampire movies

[21:20] where like just the presence of a cross on anything

[21:25] will kill vampires.

[21:26] So let's fucking notch some crosses into some bullets

[21:30] and then shoot vampires with them.

[21:32] Like, I don't think that's the way it works.

[21:34] I think that the idea is like the vampire

[21:36] is some sort of like demonic force.

[21:39] And so we actually have to have an item

[21:42] that has legitimate power rather than like,

[21:44] okay, we're gonna paint a cross on something

[21:46] and now a vampire explodes if it touches like,

[21:49] just like two things crossing each other is enough.

[21:52] Yeah, we're gonna cross these hoagie sandwiches

[21:54] that will be enough to destroy vampires.

[21:58] That sounds pretty awesome.

[22:00] As long as somebody gets killed with a submarine sandwich.

[22:04] Your favorite things, we've established.

[22:06] Invisible maniac, go see it.

[22:08] In theaters now.

[22:09] It's not in theaters now.

[22:13] Well, I mean, clearly all the crosses

[22:15] and all the religious bullshit was thrown in there.

[22:18] I don't know, to maybe remind people

[22:22] that vampire, I don't know, it just seems like a common.

[22:25] Remind people to go to church to avoid vampires?

[22:30] This movie is obviously a combination

[22:32] of a whole bunch of different bullshit things

[22:34] that somebody's seen in other movies.

[22:37] Like, oh, I like a dude in a black cassock doing karate.

[22:40] Like, I like seeing vampires jumping around and attacking.

[22:44] Well, no, you talked about like,

[22:45] there's like literal lines in it

[22:47] that are total stealers from other,

[22:48] like there's a scene that where like,

[22:52] Paul Bettany's like looking at vampire prints

[22:55] on the ground, like in the dust.

[22:57] And it's literally like the Alec Guinness scene

[22:59] from Star Wars where he's like,

[23:01] you know, like, sand people walk single file

[23:04] to hide their numbers.

[23:05] Vampire monsters always walk single file.

[23:08] Yeah, and you were saying.

[23:09] That's my best Alec Guinness.

[23:11] Cowboy Alec Guinness.

[23:12] Oh.

[23:14] And you were talking about like one thing.

[23:15] There's a couple of scenes where they,

[23:18] they take lines from Unforgiven

[23:20] and then kind of mix them around, add some vampire shit.

[23:23] And then you're supposed to assume

[23:24] that Paul Bettany is just as awesome as Clint Eastwood was.

[23:29] I don't get it.

[23:30] I don't get it either.

[23:31] I don't get it, Dan.

[23:32] The other thing is,

[23:34] I don't know why Paul Bettany is constantly in these movies

[23:36] where he has no sense of humor, Dan.

[23:39] His movie, I don't think anyone smiled

[23:41] at all the entire movie,

[23:42] except for maybe when Cam Gajandet shot a vampire

[23:45] in the head.

[23:46] Yeah.

[23:47] And he said some kind of a sassy line.

[23:49] There was no other smiles.

[23:51] And what's the point?

[23:53] Well, there's one point early in the movie.

[23:55] It's like the fucking Miami Vice movie.

[23:57] There's one movie with buddies who never make jokes.

[24:00] There's one point early in the movie

[24:01] where a mother kept her small male child away

[24:06] from Paul Bettany saying like,

[24:09] you don't talk, never talk to priests.

[24:11] It's like, okay, well, I'm not,

[24:13] I mean, like, I think that the movie knows

[24:16] that it's making a child molestation joke,

[24:17] but I'm not sure whether it knows what it's making.

[24:19] It's a bit hazy, yeah.

[24:20] Yeah, like what's the,

[24:21] I don't know what the author's intent is,

[24:23] but it's kind of funny.

[24:24] Like, like don't talk to priests,

[24:26] but yeah, there's no humor in it.

[24:28] And I know where you're going,

[24:29] like Paul, like Paul Bettany is best in movies

[24:32] like Master and Commander,

[24:35] where he has a bit of a, like a humorous tinge.

[24:38] A Knight's Tale, Wimbledon or whatever.

[24:41] Yeah, he's, he's, he's,

[24:42] he's got a lot of-

[24:43] Charming, he's a charming fellow.

[24:46] Yeah, I don't want to seem grim,

[24:47] like fucking shooting up supernatural creatures,

[24:51] but he seems to be doing a lot of those, yeah.

[24:54] Yeah, it was just so joyless.

[24:56] And you think, you know, it's almost like a road movie

[24:58] for a lot of them,

[24:59] where they're going from different to different locations.

[25:01] About a third of this movie is him riding around

[25:03] on a fucking motorcycle.

[25:04] Tooling around on a bike.

[25:05] Green screen, sure.

[25:06] It seems to be, it'd be right for, you know,

[25:08] comedic material.

[25:09] They could stop off at a, you know, a gas station.

[25:12] Look at those rocks.

[25:14] It looks like a penis.

[25:14] Yeah, yeah.

[25:15] Look at those rocks.

[25:16] They look like boobs.

[25:17] Wait, that's, I don't know.

[25:18] That's hilarious, dude.

[25:19] I don't know if that's comedy.

[25:20] Rocks that look like boobs?

[25:21] That's like 40 minutes of material right there.

[25:25] Yeah.

[25:26] I don't know, guys.

[25:27] It's all about the delivery, if he says it right.

[25:29] Yeah.

[25:29] Think about it.

[25:30] He could say it in a brooding way.

[25:31] Those rocks look like boobs.

[25:32] Okay, that is funny.

[25:33] And then they'll give each other a high five,

[25:35] get on their fucking crash rocket to fly off.

[25:38] Go to a Roy Rogers, off the highway, yeah.

[25:41] Yeah, that's a,

[25:41] I brought up Roy Rogers a couple times tonight, Tom.

[25:44] You getting the kickback?

[25:45] Yeah, I might be getting a little money from Mr. Rogers.

[25:51] He owns Roy Rogers, right, Mr. Rogers?

[25:53] I believe.

[25:57] So, what are wampir?

[26:01] Am I right, you guys?

[26:03] In this, I guess, mythos,

[26:05] you have a whole bunch of these mole man vampires,

[26:08] but then you have a bunch of humans

[26:09] that are kind of like taking care of them,

[26:12] or kind of want to be vampires,

[26:14] but I don't really get it,

[26:14] because, I mean, the vampires are gross looking.

[26:18] Like, it's not like, I don't know,

[26:20] like true blood vampires, where they're pretty people.

[26:23] Sexy vampire.

[26:24] Yeah, I don't understand the allure.

[26:26] They're like 30 days of night, you know,

[26:28] vicious vampires, or daybreakers.

[26:31] Yeah, I mean.

[26:32] They're like goo worm vampires.

[26:35] Yeah, they don't make any effort to explain

[26:38] why humans would find that alluring.

[26:41] Like, they could have even tried to say,

[26:43] oh, like, you know, it's more natural,

[26:46] or you're more free than this crazy,

[26:49] like, church dominated society you live in.

[26:51] I mean, they didn't even get into the idea of.

[26:53] Legit dread riding around, or whatever.

[26:54] Immortality, or anything like that.

[26:57] It's like, these are vampires.

[26:59] Yeah, idiots.

[27:00] Everyone wants to be worms, right?

[27:01] Yeah, everyone wants to drink chicken blood,

[27:03] or whatever they're doing.

[27:05] Just hanging out in the desert.

[27:08] Yeah, there were those.

[27:09] Don't tread on me, man.

[27:10] You brought up, Stuart, those ugly,

[27:11] kind of, the bald guys, right?

[27:13] Yeah.

[27:14] The Vin Diesel guys.

[27:15] Yeah.

[27:16] The keepers, I guess, of vampires.

[27:18] Yeah.

[27:19] They're the familiars.

[27:20] Okay.

[27:21] All right.

[27:22] So, I'm guessing, like, all vampire movies,

[27:25] they probably are just humans that drink vampire blood,

[27:27] and then, like, wannabe vampires, or something.

[27:30] I don't fucking know.

[27:31] They're like Renfields.

[27:32] They're like a shitload of Renfields.

[27:34] Yeah, yeah, there you go.

[27:36] A boatload of Renfields.

[27:38] Yep.

[27:38] Just hanging out in the desert.

[27:39] Ball load of Renfields.

[27:41] Eating spiders, and drinking blood,

[27:45] and just having a party.

[27:47] Yeah.

[27:48] So, you could see that if you saw the movie, Priest,

[27:50] which I don't recommend.

[27:52] Spoiler alert.

[27:53] All right.

[27:55] I feel like there's not a lot, actually, to get into.

[27:57] I'm gonna call this to a close.

[28:00] Anything you liked about the movie, Dan?

[28:02] No, we'll get into that with Final Judgments.

[28:04] Okay, that's fine.

[28:05] Sure.

[28:06] Because I got some letters to get to.

[28:10] Our Shocktober Final Judgments.

[28:12] Hold on.

[28:13] Oh man, do you remember these?

[28:14] Hold on, I gotta bring in a special guest.

[28:17] Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!

[28:20] Crib caver!

[28:22] Was this movie totally scarifying?

[28:26] Was it totally snorifying?

[28:29] Or was it frighteningly funny?

[28:33] Hee hee hee hee hee hee!

[28:34] What about spookily good-bad?

[28:36] I think that was one you made up.

[28:39] Looking good, Crib Caver.

[28:41] Thank you!

[28:43] So, uh...

[28:45] I like the Hawaiian brunch shirt, Crib Caver.

[28:48] Yeah.

[28:49] Shrimp Keeper.

[28:50] Shrimp Keeper.

[28:53] I've been to a luau, where...

[28:57] Don't you mean gulau?

[28:58] A gulau!

[29:00] Yeah, you put that one on Crib Caver, what's going on?

[29:04] Must be wasted or something.

[29:06] I didn't write any puns before I came here!

[29:09] I thought you were working with Bruce Falanche.

[29:11] Some puns.

[29:13] So I'll start it off.

[29:16] Yeah, I mean...

[29:18] I guess it moved along quickly, but...

[29:22] Yeah, I mean, there isn't anything memorable.

[29:24] I'm sure I'll forget the majority of this movie

[29:26] on the walk home that I haven't already forgotten.

[29:31] Yeah, I mean, it's not really...

[29:32] The sets are pretty good,

[29:34] and they do seem to make an effort

[29:36] to build some kind of a world, how boring as it is.

[29:41] But yeah, I'll say it's, what, snorifying?

[29:43] I think it's snorifying.

[29:45] Yeah, I'm gonna agree that it's totally snorifying.

[29:50] The best thing about it is that, as you said,

[29:55] the look isn't terrible.

[29:57] I mean, it's a look that's stitched together

[29:59] from a lot of...

[30:00] other better movies but it's not

[30:03] aligned on a bunch of like CGI shit

[30:07] and... Are you talking about how there was like the fight on the train and

[30:12] it made you think of Beyond Thunderdome and how that was

[30:15] a better post-apocalyptic train fight movie?

[30:19] Not specifically, but there were some good sets in the movie.

[30:23] Oh, okay. That's what I thought of.

[30:27] Thanks for backing me.

[30:30] Yeah, I mean a couple fights were okay, but in general it just kind of bored me

[30:34] and there's no reason to care about any of the characters. They did not

[30:38] put any work into developing any of

[30:42] the main people into someone that you might have sympathy with.

[30:46] They have tattoos on their face, Dan. They have pretty cool

[30:50] cross-face tattoos.

[30:54] I agree with you guys. It was

[30:56] snorifying. It was just so joyless and

[30:59] plodding. I think if you

[31:03] expanded the premise a bit, if you knew more about the vampires or how they

[31:07] you know, what exactly was going on between them and the humans, it would be more

[31:10] interesting.

[31:11] And if you made it more fun, too.

[31:15] But yeah, it's pretty boring.

[31:18] There's a lot better vampire movies that you could go to instead of that.

[31:23] Yeah.

[31:24] Like, uh, Twilight Eclipse, right?

[31:28] Alright, Gus? This guy would be a good guy to go to.

[31:32] Okay, so three for three.

[31:35] What a turn.

[31:38] It's not a category, but alright.

[31:42] So we're going to move on to letters from listeners.

[31:46] Letters! Letters! We got letters!

[31:50] Yeah, it's pretty good.

[31:52] I mean, it's not exactly what Elliot would have done if he was here.

[31:56] Yeah, I mean, I'm just trying. I mean, you gotta sing something.

[31:59] It's fucking letters.

[32:02] Right off the bat, I want to say thank you to Patrick K. for his donation to the

[32:06] show.

[32:07] Thanks, Patrick. Thank you, Patrick. Threw in some money over here to try and

[32:12] block the hip-hop radio signals from

[32:16] our broadcast. Did not work. So

[32:19] you should resort to vigilantism. Yeah, get some pitchforks.

[32:23] You should come to Clinton Hill, find out if there's a radio station,

[32:27] and, you know, just... Like a pirate radio station.

[32:31] Don't pump up the volume. Don't hurt anyone, but wait till people are out of the

[32:35] station and burn the place down.

[32:37] Okay. That's what I would say. But we're still working on the problem, but thank you,

[32:42] Patrick, for your donation. But let's move on to the first

[32:46] real letter of the evening. This is from John, last name withheld.

[32:50] Okay. And he says,

[32:53] Dear Floppers, I found out about your podcast at the A.V. Club and it has since

[32:58] become my very

[32:59] favorite podcast. Whoa! I've even stopped listening to other movie podcasts that

[33:04] actually focus on the movie they review,

[33:05] turned off in part by their lack of discussions about Duckburg,

[33:09] strategies on exploiting monkey paws, and the unsolvable problems of the penis in a

[33:14] box of popcorn trick,

[33:16] but mostly with the absence of... The butter would burn your penis is the

[33:19] problem.

[33:20] Sure. It's mostly by the absence of the honeyed howl of a

[33:23] Flophouse house cat. Oh, man. I wish he showed up sometime.

[33:27] I'd love to meet that. He's a fucking lazy asshole. I have only one complaint.

[33:32] Of all the movies you guys have recommended, there is one that you have

[33:36] made me want to watch more than all others.

[33:39] The fabled, mysterious, awe-inspiring,

[33:42] The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure, which is impossible to find in Brazil,

[33:47] but I now intensely covet.

[33:49] I failed to find any copies of the film in my local used video stores and have

[33:53] since discovered that it was never released in Brazil,

[33:56] and the closest we have is a VHS release and translation into Spanish-speaking

[34:01] Latin American markets as La Aventura del Bikini.

[34:07] I'm therefore requesting that you employ your high-power, well-connected

[34:10] positions in the entertainment industry to pressure some movie

[34:13] distribution company, perhaps the Criterion Collection,

[34:17] into the international Blu-ray release of The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure,

[34:21] preferably including a director's commentary, interviews with the cast,

[34:24] and perhaps a mini-documentary. Love, John, last name withheld.

[34:29] Well, I agree that it is a great failing of the human race that you

[34:35] do not have access to The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure in Brazil.

[34:39] I gotta say, I mean, it's not just Brazil. I've seen a great number of Bikini films

[34:47] in my lifetime.

[34:48] You didn't know this, Tom, but Dan is a super-purr.

[34:51] I really was a connoisseur of the genre, but you, Stuart, and the absent Elliot have

[34:58] seen The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure. I have not seen it,

[35:01] and it is not available on DVD currently in the U.S.

[35:06] VHS, or reel-to-reel.

[35:09] Get the radio play.

[35:12] I mean, this may surprise you, Stuart, but I no longer have a VHS player

[35:16] that is hooked up to anything.

[35:18] I thought you liked movies. Awkward.

[35:21] Well, The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure is really awesome.

[35:24] There is a mystical Indian, and there's all kinds of bikinis and topless chicks,

[35:28] so I totally recommend it. Again.

[35:31] I don't think that was the point of the segment.

[35:33] I'm intrigued, yeah.

[35:34] I just want to bring it up again.

[35:36] But yeah, I guess we should make an effort to unearth a VHS copy.

[35:41] Maybe do a screening, one of those screenings you always do.

[35:44] Here's something.

[35:46] If there's someone out there who has access both to a VHS copy of The Great Bikini Off-Road

[35:53] Adventure and the capabilities to transfer that to DVD, they should get in touch with

[35:59] the Flophouse, both for the purposes of getting us a copy and getting this gentleman a copy.

[36:07] And for the purposes of copyright law, I never said what I just said.

[36:11] Yeah, this is a contest, right?

[36:14] This is a bit that I'm performing.

[36:16] Oh yeah, classic.

[36:17] This is the contest that never was, but it really is.

[36:21] You should seriously send us that.

[36:22] Classic, classic.

[36:24] Sounds like Abbott and Costello.

[36:25] Abbott and Costello.

[36:27] Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure bit.

[36:29] Yep.

[36:30] That you should totally do, but seriously.

[36:33] So thank you, John.

[36:35] Those were kind words.

[36:37] So this is from Craig, last name withheld.

[36:40] And he says, hello and welcome to the recommendation portion of the letters.

[36:45] I don't know, I think we should be in charge of this.

[36:47] No, I think this guy's in charge.

[36:49] Okay, well, he would like to recommend The Trip to Dan, not the 1967 movie written by

[36:56] Jack Nicholson about the dangerous slash groovy times one can expect from LSD, but

[37:02] instead the Steve Coogan, Rob Brydon film.

[37:05] Sure.

[37:06] As the leads wander around Northern England eating and more or less being themselves,

[37:09] they are, much like Dan, continually drawn to the voice of Michael Caine.

[37:14] I imagine as they argue over who is the better impression, Dan could join in the discussion

[37:19] or possibly pick up a thing or two.

[37:22] Dan does a good Michael Caine.

[37:23] I've heard it, yeah, from Jaws, Jaws Revenge.

[37:26] Have you practiced?

[37:27] From, specifically from Jaws Revenge?

[37:30] Sure.

[37:34] You know, I think that...

[37:35] That's a good recommendation.

[37:36] I love Michael Winterbottom movies.

[37:38] Both of them do a significantly better Michael Caine than I do.

[37:42] Okay.

[37:43] I do the baseline Michael Caine that I think Steve Coogan makes fun of

[37:48] at the beginning of the clip that kind of made the rounds on the internet.

[37:53] I've seen the TV series.

[37:54] It's really funny.

[37:55] I haven't seen the movie, but it's, yeah, I think you definitely get a kick out of it.

[38:00] So, um...

[38:02] Okay.

[38:02] Well, thanks, Craig.

[38:03] That attempt to pimp me into doing the Michael Caine voice failed.

[38:06] Failed.

[38:07] But I appreciate it.

[38:08] Flophouse Failure.

[38:09] Failed.

[38:10] Failed.

[38:11] Edit the room floor, please.

[38:14] So, this is, uh, this...

[38:16] Cue fart sound effect.

[38:18] This next email is titled Flophouse Benjamin Button Style.

[38:23] Oh, no.

[38:24] I hate this movie.

[38:25] Yeah.

[38:26] And this gentleman says,

[38:27] I was fortunate enough to stumble upon your podcast this summer.

[38:31] We met cute with the reference to the Batman supervillain, The Contest Ruiner,

[38:36] and your back catalog has provided a great soundtrack to a boring internship.

[38:41] Listening to the shows in reverse offers a different level of enjoyment.

[38:45] As a trip through time reveals the mysterious origins of running gags,

[38:49] you slowly become less committed to your respective romantic relationships.

[38:53] And Elliot offers increasing surprise at Stuart's recommendation of Cassidy.

[39:01] Given your experience on commentary tracks,

[39:03] a Flophouse equivalent to the Criterion Collection surely must be in the works.

[39:08] What would each of you rescue from the grips of time to restore in beautiful Blu-ray?

[39:13] I, for one, can't wait to see The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure,

[39:18] as the director intended.

[39:20] People for the great work.

[39:21] Hank, last name withheld.

[39:24] So, this is a groundswell of support for the idea of The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

[39:29] Is that the only kind of questions you guys get for that one movie?

[39:34] Tom, this is your first time on the show.

[39:36] This is actually a podcast.

[39:39] It is really a forum for talking about The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

[39:43] It's dedicated to getting The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure the release it deserves

[39:49] on all forms of media.

[39:52] As you mentioned, the radio show, I agree with that.

[39:55] Yep.

[39:55] DVD streaming.

[39:57] Yeah, of course.

[39:58] A video game based on...

[40:00] and some kind of a handheld 3D version of it.

[40:03] Sure. Puppet show maybe? You can watch on your telephone as God intended.

[40:09] Um, this raises a good question though. Is there anything that

[40:14] you would like to see released on a

[40:17] DVD that does not currently exist?

[40:20] I mean, clearly I've already mentioned Invisible Maniac and Castle Freak,

[40:25] which you can kind of find Castle Freak, but I want like a badass edition.

[40:29] A Ding Dong Rippin' edition, if you will.

[40:31] And, uh, I don't know. You know, Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure is cool.

[40:36] Head of the Family is pretty amazing.

[40:39] You can acquire Head of the Family on DVD.

[40:42] Yeah, but I want like a really good one.

[40:45] Like a blu-ray. A really good head.

[40:47] Yeah, well, I want to see Jacqueline LaBelle butt-naked

[40:51] in sparkling crystal clear clarity.

[40:54] Alright, Tom, do you have any...

[40:56] I would love to see a movie called Skate Town USA finally released.

[41:00] It's not available on DVD or blu-ray.

[41:03] It's a fantastic roller rink movie from the 70s.

[41:07] Sure, with Mr. Patrick Swayze.

[41:09] Mr. Patrick Swayze, he's the villain.

[41:11] He's part of this badass roller skating gang.

[41:16] And it's got Scott Baio.

[41:18] Horseshack is Patrick Swayze's number two.

[41:21] He's kind of henchman.

[41:23] And it's got Ruth Buzzi.

[41:25] It's got Flip Wilson.

[41:27] It's a fantastic movie.

[41:27] All the stars.

[41:28] Yeah, it's great.

[41:29] The sky was dark for all the stars in Skate Town USA.

[41:34] I saw it at the BAM a couple months ago.

[41:37] At the Brooklyn Academy of Music here in Brooklyn.

[41:40] And it was fantastic.

[41:42] Packed crowd. So much fun.

[41:44] Really great.

[41:45] Alright.

[41:47] I don't have one. I was just pissing you guys off.

[41:49] I saw Tango and Cash at BAM.

[41:50] Oh, man.

[41:51] Oh, wow.

[41:52] Not a packed house, but it was still amazing.

[41:55] This sweet, sweet BAM movie.

[41:58] So, this next letter says,

[42:01] Hey, floppers.

[42:03] For us new listeners,

[42:05] you might consider pointing out what you think are your best podcasts.

[42:09] I would humbly suggest Prom Night as your riffs on incompetent police officers

[42:13] and the different ways of recognizing the serial killer without his beard were hilarious.

[42:18] Also, there was some talk about doing a movie in theaters.

[42:21] Perhaps you should wait for Battleship as the trailer alone is worth its own podcast.

[42:26] A movie based off a storyless board game.

[42:29] Alexander Skarsgård, who is somehow both the youngest man to work his way from being enlisted to an officer,

[42:34] but is yet still going to be kicked out of the service.

[42:38] Liam Neeson as the rough captain who doesn't think Skarsgård is worthy of his daughter.

[42:43] And a transforming alien ship.

[42:46] Sincerely, Brian, last name withheld.

[42:48] Well, this sounds really awesome.

[42:49] I have no idea what you're talking about.

[42:52] I've not seen the trailer.

[42:54] The trailer is a board game, of course.

[42:57] I mean, it's a game about sinking battleships.

[43:01] No, I've played that shit.

[43:04] I know it.

[43:05] No, the beauty of it, like the game, the movie based on the game,

[43:09] apparently they felt like they knew.

[43:10] It's like Clue, right?

[43:11] Yes, there are three innings.

[43:14] One of them has Howard Hessman.

[43:16] I like that.

[43:17] Pretty awesome.

[43:18] Now, they feel like they needed to make it about aliens

[43:23] so they can make the bombs that attach to the battleships

[43:27] look like the pegs in Battleship.

[43:30] Like, that's the only reason I could see.

[43:31] Oh, I didn't even pick up on that.

[43:32] I saw the trailer.

[43:33] I just, yeah, there's like these like pegs that like magnetize

[43:38] or whatever, like shoot into these battleships.

[43:40] They look like the pegs in the board game.

[43:43] Do they have any in the trailer?

[43:45] Is there any moment where an actor shouts,

[43:48] no, you've sunk my battleship, or something like that?

[43:51] I was waiting for that.

[43:52] I hope there is.

[43:53] I mean, in the movie, right?

[43:56] I mean, if there isn't, I imagine some screenwriter

[43:59] has to get fired for that, right?

[44:01] Yeah.

[44:01] I mean, there's probably, it's a team, a team effort, I'm sure.

[44:05] Probably Lowell Gantz and Babaloo Mandel.

[44:11] Yep, I can make up words too, Dan, thanks.

[44:16] Were they also actors and priests?

[44:19] So, yep, OK, we'll call it a call.

[44:22] Best episodes.

[44:24] Oh, best episodes, right, right, right, right.

[44:25] You were saying before the show.

[44:26] I was just listening to the old dogs episode.

[44:28] I was getting some chortles.

[44:30] I was getting some laughs.

[44:32] That's a good one.

[44:33] Significantly more laughs than I got from actually

[44:35] watching the movie Old Dogs.

[44:39] Tom, you're a listener.

[44:42] I love all the episodes that Stewart does not appear on.

[44:47] You fucking asshole.

[44:48] They're a classic.

[44:49] So funny.

[44:49] Oh, man.

[44:50] Weitzenach.

[44:51] Beautiful.

[44:52] Oh, man.

[44:54] Tom made a point of complimenting Stewart

[44:57] on the night and day episode where

[44:58] Weitzenach sat in for Stewart.

[45:01] That was the first one he dropped.

[45:03] Well, that's it.

[45:04] No, it's OK.

[45:07] I have no memory of what we do here on the podcast.

[45:11] Well, you like I Know Who Killed Me.

[45:14] That was a good one.

[45:15] That was a good one.

[45:17] Yeah.

[45:19] Last Airbender was great.

[45:20] Oh, man.

[45:21] I don't even remember that one.

[45:22] I mean, they're all hilarious is the thing.

[45:24] It's hard to pick.

[45:25] It's like trying to pick your favorite child.

[45:27] Yeah, it's like trying to pick which diamond is the prettiest.

[45:30] They're all amazingly beautiful diamonds.

[45:36] That happens a lot.

[45:37] And they're all rounded by diamonds.

[45:40] They're all worth millions of dollars.

[45:41] They're all imaginative.

[45:43] I'm painting a picture.

[45:45] So this last email for the evening

[45:51] is regarding our last episode.

[45:54] OK.

[45:55] My soul to take.

[45:56] Sure.

[45:57] From the director of the movie.

[45:59] It's from Eric Zuckerman.

[46:04] OK.

[46:04] Oh, awesome.

[46:06] Excellent.

[46:07] He said, just listen to the flap house

[46:08] and thanks for all the shout outs.

[46:10] Although I was a little surprised

[46:12] that you didn't mention that I had actually

[46:13] guested on the program once.

[46:16] But maybe both Sorority Row and I were that forgettable.

[46:20] Oh, he was on.

[46:21] I missed that episode.

[46:23] He was the steward for that episode.

[46:24] It was all on Elliot and me.

[46:27] And I vaguely thought, OK, we had Eric on.

[46:31] But as I said, these things go out of my head

[46:34] the moment they're on tape.

[46:37] And I apologize.

[46:39] I remember that being a great episode.

[46:42] In fact, I would recommend it.

[46:43] Thanks, dude.

[46:44] All right, I will accept that.

[46:45] Any episode that Stewart's not on.

[46:46] Yeah, it's a good rule of thumb.

[46:49] Radical.

[46:51] No, but Eric Zuckerman is a delight.

[46:54] And he goes on to say, I really have no quibble with any

[46:58] of your problems with the movie.

[46:59] They changed it so much in various drafts

[47:01] and with reshoots that it's just not a coherent film.

[47:05] But I'm glad to have been part of the show.

[47:07] With a recent string of duds I was in,

[47:10] I figured it was only a matter of time

[47:11] before you guys picked one of them.

[47:13] Look, Eric, I feel bad.

[47:16] I feel like you seem a little depressed.

[47:20] I think maybe we need to fly out to LA

[47:22] and cheer Eric up a little bit.

[47:24] And somehow we'll get trapped into some kind of what,

[47:28] like a movie, or we'll get trapped

[47:30] into some kind of game of espionage.

[47:32] Some kind of Game of Thrones.

[47:34] Sure, maybe we'll be on the trip and somebody

[47:36] will think, confuse me for a spy.

[47:39] But I'm not actually a spy, I'm just a kid.

[47:42] And then I get wrapped up in this game of intrigue,

[47:45] and Linda Hunt's there, and there's some kind of a whip.

[47:48] It's going to be really awesome.

[47:50] But the point is, by the end, Eric

[47:51] will be the biggest star in Hollywood.

[47:53] He'll be the biggest star in Hollywood,

[47:55] and I'm going to save the free world.

[47:58] But Eric goes on to say, also, in case you

[48:01] haven't got the answer yet, Hots was

[48:05] the initials of the main girls in the sorority.

[48:07] Yes.

[48:08] I know the H was Honey, and the T probably

[48:10] should have been Tits, but it wasn't.

[48:13] Just looked it up, Honey O'Hara, Honey O'Hara, Terry Lynn,

[48:20] and Sam.

[48:21] In the movie, though, the rumor is

[48:23] that it stands for Hold On to Sex.

[48:26] But when confronted by the dean, the girls

[48:28] say it stands for Help Out the Seals,

[48:30] and introduce their seal mascot.

[48:33] Hilarity.

[48:34] I have it on VHS, if you'd like to borrow it.

[48:37] Thank you for the offer, Eric.

[48:40] Dana will want to borrow that.

[48:41] I mean, I would prefer if you had

[48:42] a copy of The Great Bikini Off-Road Adventure.

[48:44] Sure.

[48:45] Because I've seen Hots.

[48:47] A couple times, yeah.

[48:49] I mean, it has a fantastic topless football

[48:52] scene at the end.

[48:53] The sexiest possible thing.

[48:56] It's a topless football game.

[48:57] I've seen the trailer of Hots, and it's very entertaining.

[49:00] Oh my god, it is.

[49:01] Does not live up to the entire film.

[49:02] No, no, no, the entire film is worth seeing your time, yeah.

[49:07] There are bad 70s and 80s sex comedies, and they're great.

[49:14] 70s and 80s sex comedies, and Hots is one of the latter.

[49:17] I'm glad that that long set up led to you saying

[49:19] Hots was great, and not bad.

[49:21] No, it is.

[49:23] There's a scene with the aforementioned seal

[49:25] and a hot air balloon.

[49:27] Of course.

[49:28] Why not?

[49:28] Amazing.

[49:30] Yeah.

[49:31] I recommend Hots.

[49:32] Sure, no, I think we gathered that.

[49:34] Which takes us into our recommendation section.

[49:36] I've recommended Hots before, by the way.

[49:38] No, but we're going to go into our recommendation segment

[49:40] and thank movies other than Priest that we would recommend.

[49:44] And because I haven't seen any movies recently,

[49:46] I'm going to recommend Hots.

[49:50] Oh, if only Ellie was here to make fun of you for that.

[49:54] When it's just me, I'm the only one

[49:55] who can make fun of you for recommending

[49:57] the same movie multiple times.

[49:59] No, are they?

[50:00] are the hot slate are they cheerleaders cuz I'm I like the cheerleader members

[50:04] of a sorority they're kind of like the slobs of the girls of course usually

[50:11] this is a member of this is these are sorority girls who are unapologetic

[50:16] about their fondness for sex and I'll say something but like this is like this

[50:21] is the closest that a like TNA comedy of that era came to feminism because the

[50:26] thing is like this is not this is not a movie about a bunch of fucking slobs who

[50:33] like sneak in and like spy on naked ladies these viable activity these are

[50:39] women who genuinely like sex themselves and are enthusiastic about it and are

[50:45] the heroines of their own film and as far as this genre goes I think that's

[50:52] about as good as it gets yeah they're independent gals and gals it's like

[50:57] already filled with topless yeah mm-hmm yeah stand up for stand up for

[51:03] womankind mm-hmm I like it uh Tom do you have a movie to recommend this is

[51:09] the point where we recommend a movie we actually like so you wouldn't say priest

[51:12] for instance all right I wouldn't say okay I wasn't gonna see it well for for

[51:19] vampire movies I would I mean I'm sure everyone's seen it but let the right one

[51:23] in is great and that's fairly recent foreign film so check that out if you

[51:28] haven't but I just saw just a drive which was fantastic really enjoyed that

[51:34] really gritty noir kind of a throwback to 70s car chase movies check that out

[51:41] as well so there are two solid recommendations I'm gonna recommend I'm

[51:47] gonna recommend a movie that the first time I saw it I actually didn't like it

[51:51] but I watched it again recently it's it's minority report the Steven

[51:55] Spielberg movie with Tom Cruise in it and Max on side out of course and how

[52:01] can you forget nice I mean it's it's kind of a longer movie I remember

[52:05] watching it as a younger man being bored by the scene where Tom Cruise is running

[52:11] after his own eyeballs yep calling it derisively my snorty report on more than

[52:19] one occasion might I add and but watching it again it kind of reminds me

[52:24] that sit like before and mainly after that movies been released there haven't

[52:30] been that many good like sci-fi movies that seem comfortable being sci-fi

[52:36] movies like that will throw in kind of weird sci-fi elements like the cars that

[52:41] go sideways or his eyeballs coming out and and actually enjoy it most of the

[52:48] time when there's big sci-fi two-and-a-half-hour sci-fi movies

[52:51] they're giant robots being the shit out of other giant robots but so are you

[52:56] making fun of real steel I am not yet I'm waiting I'm waiting to see if we get

[53:04] to watch together so my minority report I liked it uh the second time so you

[53:11] know second time mm-hmm I felt it it should have ended much sooner than it

[53:16] did there's a there's a part of the movie where you know spoiler alert Tom

[53:20] Cruise is locked up in some cryogenic thing and a movie the camera kind of you

[53:25] know pans back and you think it's gonna end but then it keeps going and yeah he

[53:29] kind of Spielberg's the ending a bit but it's so it's very enjoyable are you

[53:33] making fun of my hey guys so it's been a productive evening we've learned a lot

[53:43] about vampires and hots mm-hmm and what letters in the hots yes for what the

[53:50] letters and trees stands for we learned that another listener likes I was

[53:54] talking about DuckTales so I'm gonna brush up on the DuckTales stuff and we

[53:59] renew our call for anyone who can send us a copy of the great bikini off-road

[54:03] adventure context a little bit contact me privately get in touch we can arrange

[54:09] something have a private lesson a tomboy if you will it's more period yep but

[54:22] anyway for now your podcast buddies have to say goodbye and thanks again to Tom

[54:30] for sitting in hey that's great thanks for having me sorry again about priest

[54:35] it's Dan's call I wanted to watch Hall Pass probably I would prefer nuns on the

[54:43] run yeah I'm waiting for the reboot let's watch yeah let's watch nuns on the

[54:51] run now for the flop house I've been Dan McCoy I'm still Stuart Wellington and I

[54:57] am Tom Silvestro good night everyone

[55:09] you guys don't do spoiler warnings at the top no you just assume that means

[55:15] has it ever angered anyone beginning a great big dick

The Flop House: Episode #88 - Priest

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