The Flop House: Episode #93 - Green Lantern

[0:00] He's America's top lantern-based superhero. Today on the show we discuss Green Lantern.

[0:31] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Elliot Kalin the second.

[0:41] The second?

[0:42] Yeah.

[0:43] How are you two dudes doing?

[0:45] Uh, I guess I'm okay.

[0:47] That's weird. Not what I usually expect you to say at the start of the podcast.

[0:51] I'm sorry.

[0:52] Yeah, you got some news or something?

[0:53] Yeah, are you preparing us for something?

[0:55] I'm just a little thrown off because I'm sitting on an exercise ball.

[0:58] Yeah, for those listening at home, Dan is sitting on an exercise ball.

[1:01] There is no funny story behind it. It is not interesting.

[1:04] Not a bit?

[1:05] It's just happening.

[1:06] It's just a question of chair allocation.

[1:10] You're not exercising your core?

[1:12] Well, I probably am.

[1:13] You should be.

[1:14] Well, yeah.

[1:15] Your core does need more exercise.

[1:17] What are you saying about my core?

[1:19] This is an intervention, Dan. You've got a weak core.

[1:21] Stuart and I have both noticed it. The listeners have noticed it.

[1:24] Your core is crying out for strengthening.

[1:26] So this podcast is not about bad movies anymore.

[1:28] It's about your personal fitness regimen and your core.

[1:31] This is shocking.

[1:32] Have you ever seen the movie The Core?

[1:33] It's about you and your weak core.

[1:35] I thought it was – wasn't DJ Qualls in that?

[1:37] Yeah, he goes into Dan's core to strengthen it.

[1:39] Okay.

[1:40] There's a big global catastrophe.

[1:41] How did that work out?

[1:42] It didn't work out.

[1:43] How does he do it?

[1:44] Does he use some Pilates or something?

[1:45] It's a giant exercise ball.

[1:46] A lot of planks.

[1:47] A lot of planking.

[1:49] All right.

[1:51] And a lot of plankton.

[1:52] Sounds like a good movie. I should check that out.

[1:54] Nope.

[1:56] You can go down to your local video store.

[1:58] It's filed under disaster movies.

[2:01] It's filed under box office disaster.

[2:03] It's filed under movies where the earth's magnetic core stops moving.

[2:07] Yep.

[2:08] Is that what happens?

[2:09] Yes.

[2:10] Okay.

[2:11] And it causes –

[2:12] Massive bird deaths.

[2:13] And buildings to fall over on top of people.

[2:15] Yeah.

[2:16] And it gives Delroy Wendell a nice fat paycheck along with other character actors.

[2:24] Tony Shalhoub was in it I think.

[2:26] So are we talking about the core today?

[2:28] No.

[2:29] We're talking about a completely different movie.

[2:31] We're talking about a –

[2:32] A movie we watched is one that's been requested multiple times by Flophouse fans.

[2:35] Multiple times.

[2:36] We actually said we were going to do it.

[2:37] And now you're just fucking teasing us.

[2:38] Why are we wasting time on the core?

[2:40] Who was in that again?

[2:41] Tony Shalhoub.

[2:43] Was that a Jennifer Connelly movie?

[2:44] TV's Monk.

[2:45] No.

[2:46] That movie starred –

[2:47] What's her face?

[2:48] Million Dollar Baby.

[2:49] Oh.

[2:50] Oh.

[2:51] That expensive baby.

[2:53] Oh.

[2:54] Gugu's Rockefeller.

[2:57] So we watched today a movie called Green Lantern.

[3:00] Green Lantern.

[3:03] About a guy with a green lantern.

[3:05] Yeah.

[3:06] I mean he does have.

[3:07] A lanterno verde.

[3:09] He has a green lantern.

[3:11] He has a green ring.

[3:12] It comes as a matched set.

[3:13] Yep.

[3:14] You buy one.

[3:15] You got to buy the other.

[3:16] He didn't buy them.

[3:17] They were given to him by a skinless alien.

[3:19] Yeah.

[3:20] A skinless purple alien.

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:23] Dan, during this movie, decided to go downstairs and check his mail.

[3:26] Then at one point he was showing Stewart that he can play Sonic the Hedgehog on his iPad.

[3:30] Really, the movie really captivated him.

[3:32] What is more important?

[3:33] The fact that I can play Sonic the Hedgehog on my iPad or Green Lantern?

[3:36] It took him into a world of whimsy that he could not escape from.

[3:39] Yeah.

[3:40] It's all about wish fulfillment, you know?

[3:41] Yeah.

[3:42] He wished to see Ryan Reynolds –

[3:45] In his underpants.

[3:46] Yeah.

[3:47] And it happened.

[3:48] Yeah, it happened.

[3:49] Several times.

[3:50] Yeah.

[3:51] The movie knew that was what it had going for it.

[3:52] There's a lot in this movie for the ladies.

[3:54] Ryan Reynolds with his shirt off.

[3:56] Giant space monster.

[3:57] Giant space monster.

[3:58] He plays like that, right?

[3:59] Peter Sarsgaard with an enormous bulbous head.

[4:01] Blake Lively's acting chops.

[4:03] Yep.

[4:06] Lots of great things.

[4:07] So this is a pretty simple movie, Green Lantern.

[4:10] It's your basic guy –

[4:12] It's a comic book guy.

[4:13] Yeah.

[4:14] Based on the comic book Green Lantern.

[4:15] It's based on the comic book guy character from Simpsons.

[4:19] Green Lantern is a –

[4:20] Hal Jordan, a screw-up fighter pilot who –

[4:23] A real maverick, if you will.

[4:25] He's a real maverick, a real ice man, a real goose, a real tough guy.

[4:29] He seems to be –

[4:30] A real Firefox.

[4:31] He seems to be unafraid of anything but commitment.

[4:34] Yeah.

[4:35] The one thing he's afraid of is getting close to people.

[4:37] And dying in a fiery crash.

[4:39] He's not that afraid of that.

[4:40] He's afraid enough of it that he bails out his brand new plane.

[4:44] It's just foolishness not to bail out of a crashing plane.

[4:47] But like Lively said, you had a chance to pull it out and you didn't.

[4:50] He was too busy –

[4:51] She was talking about the time that they had a baby by accident.

[4:54] Okay.

[4:55] And he was too busy having a really weird flashback in the middle of this action sequence.

[4:58] Yeah, to the time his dad died in a fiery crash.

[5:01] Maybe we should start at the beginning, shall we?

[5:04] They need to justify his fear of fiery crashes because no one's afraid of that unless their dad died in one.

[5:09] Unless they saw it happen.

[5:10] Yeah.

[5:11] So the movie begins with a bunch of cartoon aliens running around and getting in trouble.

[5:15] They're just getting into hijinks.

[5:19] The movie starts with a voiceover, which is the sign that says this will be a bad movie.

[5:24] Yeah.

[5:25] And it starts by explaining that thousands of billions of trillions of quadrillions of quintillions of years ago, a race of aliens known as the Guardians, I think.

[5:36] They probably named themselves that.

[5:38] Yeah, nobody called them that.

[5:40] They gave themselves that name, who are little purple guys with big heads and long, flowing red robes.

[5:44] And by long, I mean like two-story-long robes.

[5:47] Created a legion of space cops called the Green Lantern Corps to police the universe.

[5:54] And they abused the power of human – or I guess not human, the power of willpower, which is green.

[6:00] Will is the greatest force in the universe.

[6:02] Which is a very Nietzschean view of the universe, that the will to power is the most powerful force.

[6:08] But everyone gets a green ring.

[6:10] It gives them the power to do whatever they can imagine as long as they imagine it coming out green.

[6:14] And there was also an evil yellow force, fear, which took the form of a monster cloud called Parallax.

[6:22] And they trapped it inside of a planet on the other side of the universe, but then it escapes.

[6:26] Yeah, and in the beginning of the movie, it escapes.

[6:29] I hope so.

[6:30] And it escapes in the beginning, cut to reckless –

[6:34] Kelly.

[6:35] Yeah, who's serious?

[6:38] In his second film role.

[6:40] Yeah, that's the movie where Ned Kelly dates Robin Banks, the bank teller.

[6:45] So reckless test pilot Ryan Reynolds screws up a – like a – what?

[6:51] Like a presentation of their stealth drones before Senator Tim Robbins.

[6:55] And as Dan commented –

[6:57] Oh, yeah.

[6:58] Tim Robbins has now entered the playing senator's phase of his career.

[7:02] Which means he is kind of an older gentleman with gray hair.

[7:04] Yeah.

[7:05] And he looks good in a suit.

[7:07] He's –

[7:08] And he doesn't have to move too much.

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:11] Yeah, yeah.

[7:12] He just kind of stands around and says things like, well, we're looking into it.

[7:16] And like this has very big possibilities.

[7:19] You've disappointed me for the last time.

[7:21] Yeah.

[7:22] You've got to understand there are ways of doing these things.

[7:25] Ryan Reynolds threw some hot dog in, ruins the presentation.

[7:30] On the ski slopes.

[7:32] And he's – and wrecks his plane and then like he gets fired, but then he's not fired.

[7:38] And then a purple alien –

[7:40] And then he's not fired and then he's on some kind of double secret probation or something.

[7:45] Exactly.

[7:46] And Parallax fights Abin Sur, a purple alien with no skin who is the greatest of the Green Lantern heroes.

[7:55] And kills him – wounds him lethally.

[7:59] And Abin Sur crashes his spaceship into earth and then sits in his spaceship submerged in water for like a day until –

[8:06] He's mildly wounded.

[8:07] Until Ryan Reynolds happens to stop by.

[8:09] Oh, no.

[8:10] He doesn't have to stop by.

[8:11] A green glowing cloud picks up Ryan Reynolds outside of a child's birthday party and takes him to the dying Abin Sur.

[8:17] Because the ring has chosen him.

[8:19] As they say, the ring chooses the next Green Lantern.

[8:22] So you're saying Abin Sur, the greatest Green Lantern, flies a spaceship that no other Green Lanterns seem to need to fly around.

[8:30] They all fly through space by themselves.

[8:31] But no, he decides to fly a spaceship.

[8:33] Yeah.

[8:34] Well, it's like a vintage spaceship that he cherried up.

[8:36] He really took care of it, so he wants to show it off to Parallax because he knows Parallax is like a vintage spaceship, not –

[8:43] They see each other at the vintage spaceship shows.

[8:45] He wanted to show him the spaceship and then crash it into something just to make him mad for killing him.

[8:49] He wanted to crash – yes.

[8:51] Oh, you're going to kill me?

[8:52] Well, I'll wreck this beautiful spaceship.

[8:54] Oh!

[8:56] So he sits waist-deep in water for like ten hours until the ring –

[9:01] The water is probably soiled.

[9:03] Until the ring decides to go get him.

[9:06] He never – and then leaves the spaceship until Ryan Reynolds pulls him out.

[9:11] This is a guy who, again, has control of a ring that can do anything.

[9:15] He never used it to get him out of a spaceship.

[9:18] … but gives the ring to Ryan Reynolds because the ring has chosen him.

[9:21] Yeah.

[9:22] Ryan Reynolds calls his friend who comes and picks him up in his car, and then they run away as a helicopter flies by, which they assume is an evil government I guess.

[9:30] Yeah, whatever.

[9:32] If you're at the side of a crashed spaceship, you should probably run away from any approaching vehicles.

[9:38] Especially a helicopter with a searchlight.

[9:40] At the best, you can expect the men in black to show up and erase your memory.

[9:44] Yeah, and then you don't get to keep the ring.

[9:45] Yeah.

[9:46] You don't get to remember what rap song they might sing before erasing your memory.

[9:50] About how here they come.

[9:52] The men in black?

[9:53] Yep.

[9:54] Are they galaxy protectors?

[9:55] Yeah.

[9:56] Or galaxy defenders?

[9:57] Because they won't let you remember, which kind of rhymes.

[10:00] Rhyme it all, Defender and Remember.

[10:02] Remember rhymes just as well with Protector.

[10:04] It's a slant rhyme.

[10:05] It's a crappy rhyme.

[10:07] Okay, well, agree to disagree.

[10:09] All right, this has been the RhymeCast,

[10:11] where we rate different rhymes

[10:13] from 16-year-old rap songs.

[10:17] So yeah, he becomes a-

[10:18] He becomes Green Lantern.

[10:20] He puts on the ring, he charges it up with the battery.

[10:23] The ring tells him the oath, the Green Lantern oath,

[10:25] and then takes him to Oa,

[10:27] the planet of the Green Lanterns,

[10:28] where a-

[10:29] Not until after he used the ring's power

[10:32] to punch a bunch of guys whose jobs he lost.

[10:35] A lot of guys were fired from the airplane factory

[10:38] because Ryan Reynolds lost them a government contract.

[10:41] So after he has a drink with his boss slash ex-girlfriend-

[10:44] They get in some kind of weird dance fight

[10:46] in the parking lot.

[10:47] Yeah, he dances with his boss, Blake Lively,

[10:51] and then he goes to the parking lot

[10:52] and a bunch of guys go like,

[10:53] thanks for losing us our jobs,

[10:55] and in a very choreographed fight,

[10:57] punch him a lot, and then the Green Lantern ring

[11:00] and its infinite goodness and wisdom and justice

[11:02] allows Ryan Reynolds to punch them so hard

[11:04] that they all must be dead now.

[11:06] One flies through a brick wall,

[11:07] one smashes into the front of a car.

[11:09] We never hear from them again.

[11:10] Men who have a legitimate gripe.

[11:12] I mean, maybe they shouldn't be beating up a guy

[11:14] in a parking lot.

[11:16] Violence is never the answer,

[11:17] but sometimes you get mad when one man

[11:19] is responsible for your livelihood being taken away.

[11:21] Probably have families, children,

[11:23] that aren't gonna be able to eat now

[11:25] because of Ryan Reynolds hot-dogging.

[11:27] If only he could make a real hot dog

[11:29] to feed their family.

[11:30] Instead, he was too busy hot-dogging in the skies.

[11:32] Instead, he's too busy making a giant

[11:34] Green Lantern fist to punch them.

[11:37] That's when...

[11:38] I mean, knowing this movie sense of right and wrong,

[11:40] it was probably their families that were killed

[11:41] by the giant smoke monster at the end of the movie.

[11:44] Yeah, well, don't jump ahead too fast.

[11:46] Okay, spoiler alert, there's a smoke monster.

[11:49] It's almost like the ring was waiting

[11:51] for an opportunity for Ryan Reynolds

[11:53] to organically use his power.

[11:55] It feels like everyone in the movie

[11:57] is subservient to screenplay structure.

[11:59] So, like, Avincer crashes his ship.

[12:01] He should immediately go get Ryan Reynolds,

[12:03] but it's not time for Ryan Reynolds to get the ring.

[12:05] It's not page 25 of the script yet.

[12:08] So, Avincer has to sit around and wait for Ryan Reynolds

[12:11] to go through the other stages of the hero's journey.

[12:14] And then the ring should instantly take Ryan Reynolds

[12:16] to Oa so that he can become a Green Lantern.

[12:19] And instead, it waits for him to discover the power

[12:21] because that's how movies work.

[12:22] That's not how the ring would work.

[12:24] So, they go to Oa and a bird-fish man.

[12:28] Yeah, he runs around the computer game

[12:30] or whatever he's in.

[12:31] Yeah, it's all computer generated.

[12:33] And a bird-fish man voiced by-

[12:35] Geoffrey Rush.

[12:36] Geoffrey Rush, I don't say Geoffrey right,

[12:38] by Geoffrey Rush says to him,

[12:40] I'm the Green Lantern of Sector such and such.

[12:43] And Ryan Reynolds goes,

[12:44] that sector has a hundred million sentient species.

[12:47] How do I know that?

[12:47] And Geoffrey Rush says, your ring told you so.

[12:50] It tells you everything.

[12:51] And he goes, oh, wow, where am I?

[12:53] What's this place?

[12:54] Who are those people?

[12:56] And Geoffrey Rush has to explain all this to him

[12:58] because the ring apparently forgot to tell him

[12:59] the most important information.

[13:01] Yeah, well, he just wants to tell, you know,

[13:03] like what other people's purview is, you know.

[13:05] I guess so.

[13:06] It's one of those things where it's like,

[13:07] Geoffrey Rush needs to tell him this

[13:09] so that the audience can learn it.

[13:10] But all they need to do to make that okay

[13:12] is not have him,

[13:14] not have the ring supposedly have given him

[13:15] all universal information.

[13:17] Right.

[13:18] Because that's integral to the storyline of the movie.

[13:22] The population.

[13:23] It's totally not.

[13:24] He never uses that knowledge.

[13:25] And he spends the rest of the movie

[13:26] asking people what the deal is.

[13:28] Basically every little bit of knowledge

[13:29] that he needs to use throughout this entire movie,

[13:32] somebody tells him very obviously.

[13:34] Yes.

[13:36] He then goes into training as a Green Lantern

[13:38] with Michael Clarke Duncan as the voice of Kilowog,

[13:42] a giant pig man,

[13:43] who basically just throws things at him

[13:45] and yells things like,

[13:46] you gotta toughen up to be part of the core.

[13:48] Hey, if you're afraid, you're gonna lose.

[13:49] So don't be afraid.

[13:50] Okay, I'm done.

[13:52] How long does this training take?

[13:53] About seven, no, actually about two minutes, 45 seconds.

[13:57] Yeah, but I mean, like in screen,

[13:58] like not even in screen time,

[14:00] like in the actual.

[14:01] Like a day.

[14:02] Yeah, he's been training for like maybe a day.

[14:03] And that's when the most pretentious

[14:06] of the Green Lanterns, Sinestro.

[14:08] Sounds like a good guy.

[14:10] Yep, with a name like Sinestro,

[14:11] he's gotta be good.

[14:13] Sinestro comes in and says,

[14:14] I'll take over here, Kilowog.

[14:15] He's also got a mustache.

[14:16] He's got a mustache and a very high forehead

[14:18] and a widow's peak.

[14:20] He and.

[14:21] Hey, I've got a widow's peak.

[14:22] That doesn't make me some sort of.

[14:22] And he's played by.

[14:23] Barely, barely.

[14:24] Some evil.

[14:25] Oh yeah, look at this.

[14:26] This is a pretty.

[14:27] That's barely, barely a widow's peak.

[14:27] And played by screen bad guy, Mark Strong.

[14:30] Who, what else did he play?

[14:31] He was the bad guy in that Sherlock Holmes movie.

[14:33] Oh yeah, dressed to kill.

[14:39] All right, anyway.

[14:40] And some other stuff.

[14:41] So Sinestro is like, take it aside, Kilowog.

[14:43] He's mad because Abensour was his mentor

[14:46] and I assume lover.

[14:47] I read that into it.

[14:49] Abensour is the skinless guy, right?

[14:51] Yeah, who's dead now.

[14:52] Okay.

[14:53] And Sinestro says to Ryan Reynolds,

[14:56] hey, Ryan Reynolds, if you think you're so great,

[14:59] fight me.

[15:00] And so they fight.

[15:00] Ryan Reynolds has one sword.

[15:01] Sinestro has two swords.

[15:03] Why do you pick swords?

[15:04] Ryan Reynolds picks them.

[15:05] I don't know.

[15:06] Yeah, but.

[15:07] Cause it visually, it's interesting.

[15:08] Cause Ryan Reynolds, you know,

[15:09] probably has a lot of sword training

[15:12] from his time in the Air Force.

[15:14] Okay.

[15:14] He thought saber, meaning saber the plane.

[15:18] And the ring heard saber the sword.

[15:20] Yeah.

[15:21] Okay.

[15:22] So the ring is not very good with synonyms.

[15:23] Those are not synonyms, homonyms.

[15:25] Okay.

[15:26] Or words with multiple meanings.

[15:28] Is that like words that sound like other words?

[15:30] That's what a homonym is.

[15:32] Yeah, that is.

[15:32] Yeah.

[15:34] Words that sound like other words.com.

[15:35] Yeah.

[15:36] So they sword fight.

[15:38] And Sinestro easily beats Ryan Reynolds and says,

[15:40] you're afraid.

[15:41] You're nothing.

[15:42] You're weak.

[15:43] That's your problem.

[15:44] You're afraid.

[15:45] You dishonor Abensour and leaves.

[15:46] And Ryan Reynolds doesn't say the obvious thing,

[15:48] which is, it's my first day.

[15:50] Like I just started.

[15:51] I'm not going to be the greatest Green Lantern

[15:53] in the universe right away, Sinestro.

[15:56] Anyway, that's what I would have said.

[15:57] And then somehow we're to assume that he quits, right?

[16:00] Cause next time we see him, he's on earth

[16:02] and he's where he quit.

[16:03] So he kind of tells Kilowog, like,

[16:05] I don't need to do this.

[16:06] That's the extent of his quitting.

[16:08] Yeah.

[16:09] Then-

[16:10] But we are to believe that he is intrinsically a quitter.

[16:13] That is part of his character.

[16:15] Yeah.

[16:16] The problem isn't that he's afraid of things,

[16:17] which should be the challenge he has to overcome,

[16:18] but that he's a quitter.

[16:19] Yeah.

[16:21] Meanwhile, back on earth, Abensour's body

[16:24] has been discovered by-

[16:25] Peter Skarsgård?

[16:26] The government.

[16:27] Skarsgård.

[16:28] And biology professor, Peter Skarsgård.

[16:30] Skarsgård.

[16:31] Who here, he looks like the guy with the mustache

[16:34] from Workaholics, like in 25 years.

[16:37] Okay.

[16:38] A reference that everyone gets.

[16:41] Hit show, Workaholics.

[16:42] Look, it's on TV.

[16:43] People can look up what the guy looks like.

[16:45] He's got a gross, weedy mustache and long hair,

[16:47] and he's losing his hair in the front.

[16:49] But he's also Tim Robbins, the senator's son.

[16:52] Okay.

[16:52] Which I'm sure made Tim Robbins feel great,

[16:54] that he's playing the father of Peter Skarsgård.

[16:55] I mean, they all grew up together.

[16:57] That's the other thing.

[16:58] Oh yeah, that's right.

[16:58] Skarsgård and Blake Lively.

[17:01] Tim Robbins grew up with him?

[17:02] Yeah, it's a time warp thing.

[17:05] Tim Robbins is actually younger than his own son.

[17:07] Okay.

[17:08] Peter Skarsgård and Ryle Renneds and Blake Lively

[17:14] all grew up together as kids.

[17:15] Raving rabbits.

[17:16] And, wait, what?

[17:18] Nothing, I'm just saying things with two R's.

[17:20] Oh, okay.

[17:20] They went to the high school at Anytown, USA.

[17:23] Yeah, so the level of coincidence in the movie

[17:27] is like ramped up by a thousand,

[17:29] because there's this huge space core of aliens,

[17:32] and there's a fear cloud that sucks people's skeletons

[17:34] out of their bodies,

[17:35] and it's all gonna pick the same three people,

[17:38] basically, to get involved with.

[17:40] But Peter Skarsgård is hired

[17:43] to investigate this alien body,

[17:46] and he accidentally pricks himself

[17:48] on something inside the body,

[17:50] which turns out to be a piece

[17:51] of the fear cloud monster parallax.

[17:55] And so, basically, long story short,

[17:57] his brain gets really big and gross,

[18:00] and he can read people's minds,

[18:02] and he has telekinetic powers.

[18:04] Yeah, he becomes a real monster face.

[18:06] Yeah.

[18:08] And all of his nerdiness is amplified, too.

[18:10] He gets even more sniveling and pathetic.

[18:12] Yeah, he actually,

[18:14] he's a character who, the more powerful he gets,

[18:16] the weaker he gets.

[18:17] So by the end of it, he's got a huge brain,

[18:18] but he's in a wheelchair.

[18:20] And you have a climax that's between Ryan Reynolds,

[18:22] this handsome, fit guy,

[18:24] and a guy who basically looks like he has

[18:25] elephantiasis or Down syndrome or something like that.

[18:27] It's really horrifying.

[18:29] Like, it's just gross that the movie is like,

[18:30] hey, comic book fans,

[18:32] we're gonna have a frail nerd

[18:34] up against a super strong, handsome guy,

[18:36] and you've got to root for the handsome guy.

[18:39] Assholes.

[18:40] And you expect that climax to take,

[18:42] to be like a fight,

[18:43] like a physical fight of this nerd

[18:45] getting punched in the face a lot.

[18:47] But nope, it's just them talking.

[18:49] They talk out.

[18:50] I don't want to get ahead of myself.

[18:50] But let's, basically, this all comes together

[18:52] at the unveiling of some kind of thing

[18:55] at a grand gala at the airplane company.

[18:57] Turns out, I guess,

[18:58] the contracts went through and everybody's jobs are safe.

[19:00] Hooray.

[19:01] Hal Jordan, aka Ryan Reynolds,

[19:03] has been rehired,

[19:05] and everybody's at this party,

[19:07] and Stella Marsgaard decides

[19:10] that he is unhappy with everything.

[19:12] He hits on Blake Lively.

[19:13] She's not interested.

[19:14] To no effect, yeah.

[19:15] And so he-

[19:16] She's not drawn in by his receding hairline

[19:18] and majestic mustache.

[19:20] And his inability to not, like, giggle or snort

[19:23] or have snot falling out of his face.

[19:25] Or awkwardly sniffle.

[19:26] His weaselly tone.

[19:27] They really went way out of their way

[19:29] to make him a totally unattractive character.

[19:31] And he is also, somehow,

[19:32] the most likable character in the whole movie.

[19:35] He's throwing himself into it with a bandage.

[19:37] At least he looks like he's having fun.

[19:38] Well, the fish guy's pretty good, too.

[19:40] And I know you were excited about Kilowog.

[19:43] Every time he was on screen,

[19:44] you'd go, yay, pig face.

[19:46] Pig face here.

[19:49] So, Marsgaard uses his mental powers

[19:54] to blow up the tap of the bar,

[19:57] which then hits a helicopter blade.

[19:58] Helicopters crash.

[20:00] Helicopters carrying his dad Tim Robbins and wait what I I this was when I was going

[20:06] Mail, why does he have to go through such a weird Rube Goldberg way to like give me like if he has telekinesis

[20:13] Why not just like take the because he doesn't want anyone to suspect. It's him. I think telekinesis powers

[20:18] Yes, exactly wire and the thing is helicopters almost never fail and crash so people get suspicious

[20:24] But beer taps explode all the time

[20:26] So people would be like, oh no this totally ordinary thing were a beer tap just flew into the air and hit a helicopter

[20:32] Obviously that wasn't caused by a genius super brain telekinetic with a gross mustache

[20:37] So the helicopters crashing it somehow manages to miss everybody in this huge crowd of people

[20:42] Ryan Reynolds saves the day and becomes Green Lantern by

[20:46] turning the helicopter into a race car and then creating a giant one creating a giant Hot Wheels track to I

[20:53] Guess turn it in circles and slow it down and this was

[20:56] Foreshadowed by his a scene earlier between him and his nephew that had a Hot Wheels track in the scene

[21:02] So Green Lantern saves the day a good catch. Yeah. Oh, yeah

[21:06] It's screenwriting 101 is something doesn't make sense in a movie unless there's some brief reference to it

[21:13] However, arbitrary earlier in the movie things never happen in real life without being set up in the first act

[21:17] We're still in act two. Anyway, this thing happens. I don't remember what happens after that

[21:21] Ryan Reynolds probably quits being Green Lantern like

[21:24] Everybody doesn't realize it's Hal Jordan. I think it's his Green Lantern. Yeah, like light lively

[21:28] he goes to see her tries to barely put on like a fucking voice and

[21:34] He has his domino mask on but she's like, I know it's you like we grew up together

[21:40] Yeah, which is lucky trying to pull which is kind of funny

[21:42] Yeah, which is a pretty good line pretty good moment that she doesn't fooled by his stupid his mask that doesn't even cover his hair

[21:49] It doesn't cover his haircut. I mean, honestly, you know at this point we can just sort of

[21:53] Skip ahead. Yeah, they're falling in love the green light the Green Lanterns can't stop parallax the fear cloud

[22:00] There's a big fight with the brain man

[22:03] Which ends with parallax the fear cloud who apparently I guess was controlling brain man somehow

[22:09] Says you failed me and destroys him Green Lantern fights parallax

[22:13] It's this evil fear cloud that none of the Green Lanterns can figure out how to fight

[22:17] It turns out the way to stop it is with missiles and explosives

[22:20] Yep, and eventually of green blasts or nets or anything like that? Yeah, and eventually Green Lantern

[22:27] He has the genius idea

[22:29] Now no one would ever think of this before of taking the super evil bad guy and throwing him into the Sun so that he burns

[22:35] to death

[22:37] Yeah, that's that's like a first time right maybe like and it's weird that they will we're into you

[22:41] I mean what we're learning is that the rest of the Green Lantern Corps is kind of dim

[22:44] I guess so and then later he says to them later Sinestro set gives a speech the Green Lanterns and he says

[22:51] Oh Green Lantern Reimers had already given a speech to the Owens one of the many times

[22:55] He quit being a Green Lantern retells them that humanity is a young species

[22:59] But the best thing about us is our humanity and then later Sinestro says the same thing

[23:03] What we thought was a weakness turned out to be his greatest strength his humanity because I only I guess only the compassion of the human

[23:09] Heart could think of throwing something into the Sun to kill it like this

[23:14] It really doesn't nothing makes sense put together

[23:17] And so in the end everyone's okay Green Lantern. Yeah

[23:22] except for

[23:23] Sinestro at the end puts on a yellow ring that they have forged for the power of fear

[23:28] Yeah, for no reason he's no real reason for him to put that ring on but well for the comic book fans out there

[23:34] They go. Oh, I knew Sinestro was gonna be a bad guy

[23:36] I read the comics the thing that I knew was gonna happen happened the guy whose name has sinister in it

[23:44] How stupid is it to waste an entire movie trying to fool the audience to think Sinestro is a good guy I

[23:50] Mean he seems pretty evil. He seems pretty evil. He's got a pencil in my

[23:54] Jerk his name is Sinestro. Maybe it's not benevolent. I think maybe they thought it was Sinestro

[24:06] But yeah, but when he's fighting that giant cloud monster parallax, yeah

[24:10] He starts just throwing explosives at it and that seems to work pretty and paralyzed. Oh straw. Oh

[24:16] And it's yeah, I just keep doing that

[24:19] It's kind of like the American version of Godzilla where Godzilla is rampaging through the streets of New York

[24:24] And then they hit it with some missiles and he dies

[24:26] It's like well, why didn't you do that in the beginning?

[24:30] Rockets they were talking about how only one Green Lantern has ever been able to capture parallax

[24:36] Why did he put him in a prison? Why didn't he just throw him into the Sun or something?

[24:40] Yeah, like it's not like like there's like due process or something for a fucking fear monster

[24:45] There's space cops, yeah, they do things by the space book by the way, I wish it was called space cops

[24:50] It was called green space cops. It's way better

[24:54] Yeah

[24:55] So and they also they talk about they're like we Green Lanterns have forever traveled the universe

[25:03] Squashing injustice. It's like well, you've done a pretty shitty job on earth because we've had a lot of terrible things happen

[25:08] just within the past hundred years, you know, maybe the problem was before that we had a

[25:14] Human Green Lantern and Avan sir was like, yeah, I don't care

[25:19] The problem he was too busy showboating and hot-dogging

[25:23] Busy hot dog and burying parallax and planets rather than stopping Hitler's he was paying more attention to his own race than ours

[25:30] Which is skinless purples. Yep, and and making really cool spacecrafts that he crashes, right? Yeah in his garage

[25:38] He's just out there on weekend on a Sunday morning. Just tinkering in his driveway with that spacecraft

[25:44] So, I mean you guys really liked this movie, oh it was amazing

[25:50] Directed by Martin Campbell. There was a really good scene from about midway through come Martin

[25:56] He directed Casino Royale and he did that stand-up special run tell that the first

[26:01] Black Knight, he's actually a fairly good action director. He is it's too bad that this movie is terrible and

[26:08] like the climactic battles are like

[26:11] Ryan Reynolds and Stellan Skarsgård lying on the ground touching each other's foreheads

[26:16] That's the battle. They're having much. Yeah, and then Tim Robbins catches on fire the end. I forgot Tim Robbins

[26:22] He seems over dies of fire. Yeah, he gets the old

[26:25] double giant blowtorch

[26:28] The old double giant blowtorch. We've seen it so many times

[26:32] I

[26:40] Mean fire came all over the room. We didn't it's not like you saw his flesh melting off his bones

[26:44] Why the why the Peter Skarsgård character exists? Was he just there to keep Green Lantern busy for a little while?

[26:53] Yeah, it like superhero movies need two villains these days that's kind of just the way they do things

[26:58] There's always like the big villain in the hench villain

[27:01] Okay, and you also needed his flamboyant performance you need it

[27:04] He was the only thing bringing anything at the world of fire. He was the only lively thing in a movie that it featured Blake

[27:10] Lively, oh

[27:11] Who was very dull? Yeah and sold a mouth. Well, that's the prompt that the movie. She's a

[27:18] She's a she's a pretty face

[27:20] Look at yeah. Well, sure. Yeah, so do a lot of other actresses

[27:26] Pretty face is not exactly

[27:29] Pretty face is not exactly a rare thing among movie actresses

[27:33] That's one of that one of the when I was growing up, you know

[27:36] When you're when you're young guy growing up you prize beauty among all above all things and then I realized to the Stellan Skarsgård character

[27:43] Yes

[27:44] Because who had who was for years in love with Blake Lively, you know, they had nothing in common

[27:48] Just because she was pretty but I realized I watched a lot of bad movies

[27:51] But I was a teenager and in college and I realized they all had beautiful women in them and I realized

[27:57] Beautiful women are not a rare resource on this planet of ours

[28:00] If there's enough of them that they can that they'll take their tops off for like Roger Corman or less then you know what?

[28:07] It's not diamonds. You could probably find a beautiful woman to take her top off for love exactly and I did

[28:16] Think about that

[28:19] Well all you lonely nerds out there take Elliot's heartwarming tale to heartwarming tale of the

[28:25] Non-valuableness of beauty

[28:27] Yeah of devaluing women to the heart all all honor or gold on this earth is but dross

[28:34] Have you heard the good news?

[28:37] I guess what I'm saying is Blake Lively was not very good and the power of will is the strongest thing

[28:46] Between this movie and the country song with Leighton Meester. Oh, yeah got a theme month

[28:51] Yeah, flop house the month gossip girl gossip girl

[28:55] sober gossip girl sober

[28:57] Is that a show or?

[29:00] Was this gossip Ling Lee good?

[29:03] grueling Lee bad or or gossip girlingly good

[29:15] No, mr. Gossip, sir, I guess mr. Girlingly you may take my coat

[29:21] Ryan Reynolds is not a movie star. I hate to break everybody

[29:25] He is a I like him sometimes because it's him an adventure land, right?

[29:29] Yeah, he's very good in adventure land in a small role, but he cannot carry a movie yet at least

[29:35] Yeah, no, I think that he I think you know in time he may but I think that

[29:40] Right now I would rather see him in supporting roles

[29:42] There are a lot of actors out there that have been pushed for like main roles that I was like

[29:46] Let's just let's just punch your weight Colin Farrell's and whatnot. Yeah

[29:50] Colin Farrell's you're uh, what you Jason Patrick's? Mm-hmm. You're um, I

[29:58] Guess that's just

[30:00] Al Pacino. No, he could carry a movie. Actually no, he can't. He could at one point.

[30:06] Adam Sandler's. For years Brad Pitt was like that. He was much more fun when he showed up in

[30:12] smaller supporting parts and then he had a lot of boring. He made a lot of great movies. Meet Joe

[30:17] Black, The Mexican. Meet Joe Mexican. Meet Joe Mexican and Black Mexican.

[30:25] And meet Nexa Black. Meet Joe Mexican. I guess it would be Jose Mexican.

[30:32] I want to see Black Mexican. That's like a great 70s film.

[30:35] Starring Brad Pitt. Richard Rountree is Black Mexican.

[30:42] So this is the Green Lantern podcast. I guess so. There's not a lot. I mean,

[30:47] Green Lantern is a very, it's like such a blah movie. Like the only word I can

[30:52] use to describe it is blah. It's a pretty popular comic book, right?

[30:56] I don't know why. Green Lantern is one of the most popular superheroes right now. There are

[31:00] like four or five Green Lantern titles and he has almost always been one of the most boring

[31:04] characters. He has his main character, his alter ego has no personality and we're probably going

[31:09] to lose Flophouse listeners by me saying this. Green Lantern fans are rabid.

[31:15] No, no. Controversy will sell this podcast, Elliot.

[31:18] Well, I'm going to make this stand. Green Lantern is boring and stupid

[31:21] and you can quote me on that. Anything he imagines, he can make.

[31:26] If he can dream it, it can be it. If he believes that he can achieve it.

[31:30] All he imagines is like big boxing gloves or like green mousetraps or fly swatters.

[31:36] And he's just like, he's not an interesting character.

[31:39] I'm going to make a plea in favor of that being awesome, which is this.

[31:44] I mean, like I've not read Green Lantern, so like I'm just maybe in execution is what ruins it.

[31:49] Yes.

[31:50] But like if I just hear about, it's a comic book about some space cops.

[31:55] Yep.

[31:56] And what they do is they have green rings that make big goofy green things that you

[32:01] fight people with. Like that sounds great. Like that sounds like classic DC silliness.

[32:06] That does sound great, except it's not silly. It's taken super seriously.

[32:10] Yeah. As this movie, I think.

[32:13] Like they don't, the characters only very briefly act. They are described as space cops.

[32:18] You don't see them doing any cop stuff. Like, wouldn't it be great if.

[32:21] Like pulling people over.

[32:23] If Ryan Reynolds, instead of like some lame couple minutes of training,

[32:28] like Ryan Reynolds was brought along with Kilowog on like a call to a planet that needed

[32:32] Green Lantern help. Right.

[32:34] And maybe Ryan Reynolds through his inexperience almost fucks it up.

[32:37] Kilowog and Sinestra have to save his bacon. And so there's a genuine,

[32:41] like you see what they do as space cops and you're like, this is awesome.

[32:44] And it's not like pulling people over, but it's like,

[32:46] maybe like there's an earthquake that's pulling a planet apart.

[32:48] Some guy selling death sticks to little kids.

[32:50] Yeah, exactly. They got to use their Jedi powers to make him change how he thinks about his life.

[32:54] But if I commiserate over some space donuts and some terrible space coffee.

[32:58] Exactly. There's no.

[32:59] Perfect.

[32:59] In the space break room. There's no more boring scene in any movie than when like a council of

[33:05] elders convenes to discuss something. And this movie has like five scenes like that.

[33:12] And instead of seeing these guys in action, you'll just see them walking around talking about

[33:15] dangerous Green Lantern stuff.

[33:17] Especially when the council of elders scene is just a bunch of like

[33:21] computer generated blob heads sitting on top of sticks with long robes.

[33:25] Yeah, it's a bunch of blue Mickey Roonies in like floor length red gowns.

[33:30] Mickey Baloonies, if you will.

[33:32] Just sitting around in stone thrones, just look at everyone like, I disagree.

[33:40] There's a long scene where Sinestro gives like this whole speech talking to them.

[33:44] And I keep expecting Sinestro to be like, are you guys even listening to me?

[33:47] Because you haven't said anything this whole time.

[33:49] You're like two stories up. Can you hear me?

[33:51] Staring straight ahead. I just need like a nod or something to indicate.

[33:58] But that's the problem with the Green Lantern mythos is they spend a lot of time.

[34:02] The Green Lantern spent a lot of time talking about how noble and great the Green Lanterns are,

[34:05] but you don't see them Green Lanterning all that much.

[34:09] And it's taken very seriously. And when they do silly things like

[34:13] one of the best characters, one of the best Green Lantern characters,

[34:15] as far as I'm concerned, is a guy who is a dog man.

[34:18] Who's kind of like a clumsy dog man, Green Lantern.

[34:20] And, you know, they don't do much with him.

[34:23] Yeah, that does sound pretty great.

[34:25] OK, see, because in my head, I'm kind of like imagining like,

[34:28] you know, like the era of Batmite and what they would have done with Green Lantern.

[34:32] They did like nothing. That's the thing.

[34:34] The Batmite, the Green Lantern kind of came after that era was at its height, I guess.

[34:38] I could be getting my years wrong.

[34:40] Green Lantern that we're seeing here is a product of the 60s.

[34:43] Well, I guess there's Batmite stuff in the 60s.

[34:45] Like, but the really goofy DC stuff, a lot of that's from the 50s.

[34:48] So his ring isn't magic. It's science.

[34:50] It's well, here's the thing.

[34:52] Your Golden Age Green Lantern, Alan Scott, had a magic ring.

[34:55] OK, then your Silver Age Green Lantern, Hal Jordan, had a space ring.

[34:59] And the one we saw as a space science ring is a science ring.

[35:02] Yeah, and it's shaped like an old lantern for the Lord knows what reason,

[35:05] because the space aliens also used railroad lanterns at some point.

[35:09] OK, well, they had the space trains and the space track where they go through the

[35:14] they're all pushing west.

[35:17] Because there's a west in space.

[35:19] Manifest space to me.

[35:23] All of space will belong to us.

[35:25] They stop in the space engines.

[35:27] They climb aboard Astro Train, the Decepticon.

[35:32] Yeah, they drive a golden spike into space.

[35:34] That's connecting the Pacific and Atlantic space roads.

[35:37] Read your space history, guys.

[35:39] So the movie just takes itself too seriously when it's about

[35:42] a guy with a magic green thing that makes other green things.

[35:46] OK, I think we can wrap it up.

[35:48] Magic green things.

[35:50] Yeah.

[35:51] And also, like, how much better would it have been to have a climax that actually

[35:54] involved Hal Jordan, like doing something that nobody else could do?

[36:00] Like like flying a plane or maybe like like they briefly he briefly makes green planes,

[36:05] but he doesn't really do much with them.

[36:07] Yeah.

[36:07] Like he just throws a guy into a sun.

[36:13] No, there's more than one side.

[36:14] I know there's more than one side, but my three sons.

[36:19] So let's on that note, let's give our final judgment for the.

[36:24] Now, was it gossip girlingly good?

[36:27] Dan, what are the categories?

[36:28] Final judgments?

[36:29] Final judgments.

[36:30] Was this a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie or a movie you kind of liked?

[36:34] Stuart, I'll go to you.

[36:36] Um, I'm going to go bad, bad, actually.

[36:39] It for a superhero movie.

[36:42] It was shockingly boring and not that much stuff happened.

[36:46] Um, in a two hour movie that seemed to not really pause for breath,

[36:51] except to lie around and argue about stuff.

[36:53] Yeah.

[36:53] The characters did a lot of lying around or sitting around.

[36:57] Uh, I'm going to shock everyone.

[36:59] I'm going to shock Tober.

[37:00] I'm going to.

[37:01] It is not shocked over.

[37:02] Shocksember.

[37:04] I'm going to give this a marginal.

[37:07] I kind of liked it.

[37:08] Really?

[37:09] Yeah, I didn't stand up and defend it during the discussion.

[37:11] Well, you have failed Greenland.

[37:13] Are you talking about the parts that you saw, uh,

[37:16] when you weren't going down to check your mail or voice on the hedgehog?

[37:20] Because those parts, I'm sure if I only saw those things.

[37:22] It was five minutes, at least or most.

[37:25] Uh, no, I, here's the, I, I wasn't as bored by it as you guys were

[37:30] until like the last 30 minutes.

[37:32] Like they're like, well, we didn't stop it.

[37:34] And there's like, there's a scene where Ryan Reynolds is like, I can't do this.

[37:37] And Blake Lively says, you have to.

[37:38] And I'm like, this is taking forever.

[37:40] And Daniel goes, well, the movie's almost over.

[37:41] We've only got pause this movie.

[37:43] He sees there's 25 minutes left.

[37:44] He goes, oh man.

[37:46] Luckily, like 10 of those were credits.

[37:49] There was a lot of credits.

[37:49] That's true.

[37:50] But I liked, I liked watching like a lot of the, like the silliness of it.

[37:54] Just like the goofy monster Greenlandicore goofing around.

[38:00] Barely goofed around.

[38:01] They mainly just stood around and put their rings in the air

[38:04] and made light come out of their rings.

[38:05] I liked the fact that, um, because it was a good director,

[38:09] like shooting a shitty script, like it had all these.

[38:13] Uh, script problems, but at least the actual, like, like,

[38:18] I feel like he was doing as much as he could with it to move it along

[38:20] and like make it comprehensible.

[38:21] And you got to see Tim Robbins look around frantically before being set on fire.

[38:25] That is it.

[38:26] Like I said, it's worth it for the moment where Tim Robbins, you know,

[38:29] had to act being levitating, looking around scared.

[38:33] Now I would not go so far as to recommend this to people, but.

[38:36] You just did.

[38:36] If it was, uh.

[38:37] You called it your pick of the year.

[38:40] You put it in your flop 10.

[38:41] If I had paid for it, I would have been, uh, furious.

[38:43] But if, uh, if it came on HBO, something, a service that I'd already paid for.

[38:48] You're giving a green light to green lantern.

[38:56] What did you just copyright?

[38:58] My thing.

[38:58] Your thing I just did.

[38:59] You can't copyright.

[39:01] What was that?

[39:01] A blurb?

[39:02] Yeah.

[39:03] I understand.

[39:04] What are you going to do with that?

[39:05] Put it on t-shirts?

[39:06] Yeah.

[39:07] Posters.

[39:08] I can't copyright it.

[39:09] I mean, it's not even yours.

[39:10] Stewart said it.

[39:11] He can copyright it.

[39:13] Nobody swooped in and I copyrighted it.

[39:15] Oh, I didn't know you could just do that.

[39:18] Yep.

[39:18] It's a no takesies backsies policy around here.

[39:21] Oh, Elliot.

[39:22] So you're probably going to shock us all and say.

[39:24] I'm going to shock everybody and say, I thought it was a bad, bad movie.

[39:28] This is not the worst movie we've seen.

[39:30] Like if it came on television and you're sick at home from work and you got nothing to do

[39:35] and you're not really expecting much, then go ahead.

[39:38] Watch Green Lantern on TV.

[39:39] Now all the.

[39:39] Waste your time.

[39:40] Basically, yeah.

[39:41] All the naysayers on the Internet are going to say this is just because you write for

[39:45] Marvel and this is a Marvel DC.

[39:46] I am a Marvel zombie.

[39:48] The House of Ideas is my home and DC is the distinguished competition.

[39:52] Yes, but it's also brand.

[39:53] Those are all Marvel references.

[39:55] But the it's just like if you're if your life is seeking out things that.

[40:00] going to enjoy and trying new things and making the most of every moment, don't watch Green

[40:05] Lantern.

[40:06] But if you're just sitting around waiting for death to save you from the endless monotony

[40:09] of time, go ahead.

[40:11] Watch Green Lantern.

[40:13] That's the highest recommendation I can give it.

[40:18] So Dan?

[40:19] Fair enough.

[40:20] I'm going to go on to letters.

[40:23] Yay.

[40:24] This one's titled, Hey Floppers.

[40:27] It's from Street Efren, last name withheld.

[40:30] Nora Efren.

[40:32] And it says, regarding the floppers' respective popularity, I've noticed that Dan Stewart's

[40:38] and Elliot's popularity is inversely proportional with the amount of episodes they've appeared

[40:42] in.

[40:43] What?

[40:44] Maybe Dan should take a break?

[40:45] Or just let his alter ego, the Flop House house cat.

[40:48] That's not my opinion.

[40:49] That is a really sneaky way to get Dan to take an episode off.

[40:52] Also, it's very insulting.

[40:55] He's basically just saying outright that he hates me.

[40:58] I mean, he's not outright.

[40:59] It's pretty roundabout.

[41:00] No, no, no.

[41:01] The absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[41:02] So you need to take a hike.

[41:03] It's hard for people to like you when you're right there.

[41:05] Well, I control all of the equipment, so that's not going to happen.

[41:08] We actually can't do an episode when Dan's not available yet, because he owns the mixing

[41:12] board and the computer, and he knows how to work everything.

[41:16] But he goes on to say...

[41:17] Mistakes.

[41:18] Ignore those.

[41:19] Second, I live in Southern California.

[41:21] The podcast mecca.

[41:22] Maybe what's needed to ignite some interest in the Flop House is a good old-fashioned

[41:26] East Coast-West Coast rivalry.

[41:27] Uh-oh.

[41:28] And here we've got WTF, Adam Carolla, Nerdist, and Earwolf, while daunting the relative dearth

[41:33] of a New York-based podcast places you in an underdog position.

[41:37] Hey, what about a Flop House Mike and Tommy Eats Snacks team-up?

[41:40] I don't know what that is.

[41:41] Yeah, is that a podcast?

[41:42] I assume.

[41:43] I don't really follow podcasts.

[41:44] I don't have the time to seek out new things, which is why I'm mad I wasted two hours watching

[41:50] Yeah.

[41:51] I think an East Coast-West Coast rivalry could bump up the numbers, at least until Ellie

[41:57] gets shot.

[41:58] Or let's try something new.

[41:59] One, I'd rather not be shot in a drive-by, but two, hey, why not an East Coast-West Coast

[42:04] cooperation?

[42:05] Does everything have to be competition?

[42:08] Let's work together for everyone's benefit.

[42:11] So somebody out in the West Coast, find a podcast there and...

[42:16] Tell them to promote us, and we promise we will totally do the same thing.

[42:19] Exactly.

[42:21] I thought they were just going to send each other cupcakes or something.

[42:23] I'm calling it...

[42:24] Cupcakes may be involved as well.

[42:25] I'm calling it...

[42:26] You're the baker.

[42:27] Pods Across America.

[42:28] I like it.

[42:29] I don't know if that's going to catch on.

[42:31] It already has.

[42:32] Look outside.

[42:33] Stuart looks out window.

[42:34] People are holding signs reading Pods Across America.

[42:36] Pods Across America Parade is going down the street.

[42:38] We did it.

[42:39] Oh, he has a PS.

[42:43] Have you tried underwater sex yet?

[42:47] So he's the guy who runs Aquafan.

[42:49] I guess.

[42:50] I guess.

[42:51] That's a deep Flophouse cut.

[42:52] That's a super deep cut.

[42:53] That's an old one.

[42:55] This is titled Dan's Hook.

[42:57] It's from Brian Lastname Withheld.

[42:58] Okay.

[42:59] A little late, but that's okay.

[43:00] I'm going to assume it's Brian Lehrer.

[43:01] Dear...

[43:02] Yes.

[43:03] It's New York Public Radio's Brian Lehrer writing in.

[43:08] Dear Flophouse, I've been thinking about Dan's predicament of lacking a hook, and I believe

[43:12] I have a rather simple solution.

[43:14] Dan needs his own take on movie recommendations.

[43:17] While Stuart offers from his 1980s horror rotation, and Elliot has his classics of the

[43:22] 30s, Dan insists on giving a wide range of different movies, suggesting a fully rounded

[43:26] personality.

[43:27] Hey, wait a minute.

[43:28] Elliot's recommendations, on the other hand, points out his love of old-timey comedy bits,

[43:32] and Stuart's 80s Gore-Frest pics show off his mixture of whimsy and irony.

[43:37] I recommend new movies all the time.

[43:38] Dan could create his own personality through idiosyncratic suggestions, like only recommending

[43:42] Korean action movies or 1950s musicals.

[43:47] I don't want to stifle Dan's creativity here, but the best hook might just be having a detailed

[43:51] recommendation philosophy and building off of that.

[43:56] That's not a bad idea.

[43:57] Right now, Dan's hook could be that he's sitting on an exercise ball.

[44:01] He's the only podcast host.

[44:02] Maybe my hook will be that I have a strong core.

[44:05] His hook, yeah, is the strength of your core.

[44:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[44:08] Well, I'm going to tighten up.

[44:10] So Dan, what's your new hook, your recommendation philosophy going to be?

[44:17] I'm going to recommend only public service announcements.

[44:21] So not really movies.

[44:22] Yep.

[44:23] 1970s.

[44:24] That falls within the purview of the podcast.

[44:26] Are those available for people to watch?

[44:28] Probably on YouTube.

[44:30] Probably on YouTube.

[44:32] I also have no special knowledge of the genre.

[44:36] Dan's new hook is the guy who doesn't do research and doesn't know what he's talking about.

[44:40] Doesn't read the letters beforehand.

[44:42] Thank you to everyone who's written in so far.

[44:44] Yeah.

[44:45] I've been told by listeners that we don't thank people enough for writing in.

[44:50] We've been told by two specific listeners.

[44:52] Yeah.

[44:53] So let's keep reading the letters, shall we?

[44:54] Thank you again.

[44:55] Personal friends.

[44:56] This is titled, Is That a Bit?

[45:00] From Travis, last name withheld.

[45:03] Travis Pickle.

[45:04] It is, yes.

[45:05] Having listened to the majority of your back catalog, I've noticed a reoccurring theme.

[45:09] When Elliot recaps movies, he often stops and asks, should I give away the ending?

[45:15] This question is usually followed by a millisecond-long pause before inevitably revealing the climax.

[45:20] At first, I thought maybe he felt a little remorse about spoiling these movies.

[45:23] But then I realized he secretly loves it.

[45:26] When he first guested on the podcast, he was somewhat timid and reserved.

[45:29] Over time, his recapping progressed from quietly confident to maniacally irresponsible.

[45:34] It has been fascinating and tragic to listen to Elliot's decline into madness,

[45:38] and I eagerly await the episode one day when he will finally embrace his destiny as supervillain The Ruiner.

[45:44] This is one example—

[45:45] Not even just the contest ruiner, The Ruiner.

[45:47] Yep.

[45:48] Now, would your head get really bulbous, you think?

[45:49] It would have to be.

[45:50] That would ruin my hair.

[45:51] Probably.

[45:52] The Ruiner of things.

[45:53] Actually, I'm going to skip ahead to the PS.

[45:56] What, are you not going to read the rest of the letter?

[45:58] Since you're too modest to do it yourself, I'd like to remind anybody who enjoys the show to donate so we can help keep the lights on and the reggaeton out.

[46:07] Yeah.

[46:08] Thank you very much for that, Travis.

[46:10] Hey, thanks.

[46:11] Remember to listen to Travis and donate so that Dan can afford to do this.

[46:16] Well, I mean, now I can.

[46:18] I used to not be able to.

[46:19] Shh.

[46:20] We're going to get some money out of this.

[46:21] Okay.

[46:22] And remember to take a look at the Flophouse Wiki also and help them update and fill out that because there's a lot of episodes that still need our stupid movie pitches described in text.

[46:33] Yep.

[46:34] Elliot needs to be reminded of all of his great ideas.

[46:36] Yeah, because there's already – I totally had forgotten about Million Dollar Getaway until the entry for it showed up on the Flophouse Wiki, and now I remember how good it was.

[46:44] Yeah.

[46:45] And my offer to Hollywood still stands, $700,000 for that idea.

[46:50] Very reasonable.

[46:51] It's a very reasonable price.

[46:53] Yeah, for a blockbuster.

[46:56] And this last letter is titled Origin Stories of Friendship from Matt – first name withheld – Siegel.

[47:08] Wait, what?

[47:09] Hold on.

[47:10] You told us the first name.

[47:11] Yeah.

[47:12] Oh, god.

[47:13] I fucked it up, guys.

[47:14] Don't worry.

[47:15] We'll fix it in post.

[47:16] Yeah.

[47:17] So he says, I was wondering if you guys had ever talked about how you all met.

[47:22] Well, I mean we've talked about it.

[47:25] Yeah.

[47:26] We've told – like I told my wife the other day was like, how do you know Dan and Stuart again?

[47:30] But anyway, why have they been in my apartment?

[47:34] Why do I know them?

[47:36] I think I remember Dan saying that he and Stuart went to the same college, but I've only ever heard Elliot referred to as a friend with no indication of whether you guys have been friends since time immemorial a la the Muppet Babies or just recently met.

[47:49] Nanny did raise all of us.

[47:51] Or some –

[47:52] You'd be gonzo.

[47:53] Or some situation in between.

[47:54] Maybe I missed an episode where you explained it, but if not, I'm always interested in hearing about origin stories.

[47:59] Plus, it would be really helpful to have an episode to cite when writing the flopper history page on the wiki.

[48:05] Also, I want to know how to make friends, so any insight there would be great.

[48:09] Well, you came to the wrong place.

[48:11] It's true that you and Stuart both went to FU where you majored in boobs.

[48:15] Yeah.

[48:16] And where did you guys meet again?

[48:20] Well, we both went to Earlham College, but we weren't – I don't know that we knew each other during that time actually.

[48:26] Yeah, we actually both did competing comic strips for the local school newspaper, but we didn't –

[48:34] It's the local school newspaper.

[48:36] It's the national school newspaper.

[48:40] For Earlham College, yeah.

[48:42] And no, but Dan was into theater stuff and I would –

[48:48] You were into being cool.

[48:49] Yeah.

[48:50] Yeah, I was a cool guy.

[48:51] See, I imagined you guys as roommates, Dan being the nerdy brain and Stuart being the party heart.

[48:56] That was his other roommate.

[48:57] My roommate Bill Hickey, who was a party hearty gentleman, was very good friends with Stuart.

[49:02] And I feel like in a large way, that's kind of the link is we're both friends with Bill.

[49:07] And then once we were both living in New York.

[49:11] Radio host Bill Hickey.

[49:12] Yeah, of the river in Boston.

[49:15] But we became better friends.

[49:17] You don't listen to the radio?

[49:18] I don't listen to Boston radio.

[49:19] Okay.

[49:20] Now, Elliot.

[49:21] Now, my origin story is I was bitten by a radioactive know-it-all and given the power to talk too much.

[49:28] But Dan and I met through the comedy theater that was being run by our mutual friend, Eric Marceczak.

[49:36] There used to be a comedy theater in the city that he ran, first called Above Kleptomania.

[49:41] First it was called Above Kleptomania.

[49:43] And it was above a sex store.

[49:44] It was above Show World.

[49:45] It was in Show World, which no longer exists in New York.

[49:47] It's now the Laugh Factory.

[49:48] But Playland, I think it's called, which is right next to Show World, still exists.

[49:53] So if you want to know where we were performing comedy, just walk in there, and you'll see that it's – at the time I think it was called Playland.

[50:00] $0.25 for a minute of video and that's a pretty good price they had like the upstairs was decorated like ceramic

[50:07] It's very weird, but we were literally a circus theme

[50:09] we were literally up performing upstairs in a sex shop and a place that had like viewing booths like live sex and

[50:17] Well, not like live section, but like like I think that there are strippers. It's not live sex. Yeah

[50:22] No, I know come on

[50:23] But uh, but you would go upstairs and the stage that we're performing on was clearly a stage that we used to be used for

[50:29] Yeah, there's a lot of mirrors all over all over the stage and no pole

[50:33] But you could tell there probably was a pole there at some point and when we were doing comedy shows like you you could see

[50:37] That every once in a while men would come upstairs like thinking that there was gonna be some sort of sex thing upstairs

[50:42] And they'd sit in there and watch for a couple minutes then get up and leave

[50:45] Yeah, and but you mean they weren't satisfied by your comedy

[50:48] No, not by our avant-garde sketch comedy that we were doing it

[50:51] I mean if you have a boner comedy doesn't really do much about that. That's a sexy comedy. Yeah

[50:57] Yeah, but but we didn't really meet when we were we didn't get to know each other that wet that much when it was at

[51:03] Show world later Eric had a a different theater space. There was a basement theater

[51:08] Underneath what's now the Jean Frankl when at the time was the Jean Frankl theater which still exists and he ran a space called Juvie Hall

[51:14] Down there and we all performed there and I remember very well shows

[51:18] I remember very well the first conversation I can really remember having with Dan was when we were helping Eric paint

[51:24] The entire theater and lobby space black with like rollers just like painting the ceilings floors walls

[51:31] Everything with black paint. So yeah, that was that's the that would be like five minutes into the movie of the the Flophouse

[51:38] No, actually the Flophouse where the first five minutes we Dan and Stuart at college

[51:42] Partying then the next then you'd have about ten minutes of a montage

[51:45] I'd come in 15 minutes in with the painting scene and then by later on I'd be writing for your stage show

[51:52] No, yeah, that's right Dan was a writer for my stage show that I used to do

[51:56] The new Cailin show. I saw you down. It's replaced the midnight. I saw a couple of those

[52:00] Yeah, I used to do a show called the midnight Cailin and then it moved into

[52:05] Prime time prime time became the prime time Cailin and then the new Cailin show

[52:08] I saw I saw when you really making off of the name recognition that you'd foster

[52:13] well, my my ego at the time was very big and

[52:16] That was the show at first where my only my only promise to Eric was I?

[52:21] Prompt I hope I promise I will do the show if I never have to prepare material ahead of time

[52:25] But then when it became the new Cailin show we wrote for it and Dan had a segment that I insisted

[52:30] He called the real McCoy even though he hated that

[52:34] Memories oh, but I was to say in the Flophouse movie by the 30-minute mark Stewart's

[52:39] Video game has been swapped out with one that has a chip that the Soviets are after okay

[52:43] So of course spies are chasing us and we have to go to Europe and so forth like we did in real life exactly

[52:48] And then Dabney Coleman shows up and saves the day well he tries to save the day and we save him, okay, yeah

[52:55] So guys like a father figure though right, but like a mean father

[53:00] At this point we should really plug our live show that's for sure let's skip the regular recommendations

[53:05] So now that you're all bored about our history. Yeah, let's talk about our future

[53:11] You may have noticed on the website that we've got another live screening coming up our last one where we watched the movie Twin Sitters was

[53:17] an unqualified success

[53:18] Yeah, total success everybody loved it almost sold out almost let's just say sold out, but yeah sure why not well live you sold out

[53:26] Margin of error it was sold out. We've got another screening coming up January 20th at 8 p.m.. Yeah

[53:33] 92 I try Becca in Manhattan, New York City, America Earth Milky Way galaxy

[53:39] And we're gonna be showing the movie 12 rounds starring John Cena, and we just watched it again

[53:46] Sunday the two days before this

[53:48] To affirm it was as stupid as we remembered and it was even stupider. It is a really ridiculously silly movie and

[53:55] We're gonna be providing live commentary mm-hmm, and there's gonna be some presentation

[54:01] Informational presentations by Matt Carmen and Ksenia Yaroche of I love bad movies who are producing the show yeah our

[54:07] I like to think of them as our sister publication they do a zine mm-hmm about bad movies

[54:15] Then we'll do some kind of intermission

[54:17] Maybe a raffle

[54:22] T-shirt cannon at the last screening we did interview our wives to find out how they were enjoying the movie

[54:28] We're not gonna be doing that this screening our wives are very happy to know that they're not their presence is not required

[54:33] Yeah, my wife has asked me several times. I don't have to be at this thing right

[54:36] I mean you know they may show up. They may not but my wife won't

[54:41] You're hoping to catch a glimpse of her no, she's as elusive as Sasquatch yeah

[54:46] But January are more beautiful. Yes, sir. Thank you Stuart

[54:50] It's implied

[54:53] January 20th yelled you did you hear in the latest podcast Ellie compared you to Sasquatch? She doesn't listen to this January 20th

[55:01] 92 I try Becca and it's on their website 92 I try Becca org so you can buy tickets now

[55:06] Yeah, so I would go on the wall and listen to this podcast on my podcast

[55:12] Internet into your computer type internet flop house Stewart, and you'll have already purchased a ticket

[55:18] It's that easy

[55:21] January 20th 12 rounds yeah links. I mean if we're talking too quickly as Elliot is want to do

[55:27] Like I you think I'm talking too quickly just get faster ears man links to all of this will be

[55:34] Slow down I'm limitless

[55:36] www.flophousepodcast.com

[55:40] So

[55:42] What else don't don't don't you have another screening coming up or something? Oh, I do well my regular monthly screening series

[55:49] Is also at 92 I try Becca and our first one of 2012 will be on January 4th at 7 30 p.m.. So Wednesday

[55:56] We're showing the beguiled with Clint Eastwood a

[55:59] Stewart Wellington recommendation from a few years back Stewart Wellington put his personal stamp of approval

[56:04] Which I think is in the shape of a penis on this movie

[56:07] It's really good

[56:10] No, I did not

[56:12] So that's two screenings you should go to next month the beguiled January 4th for a good movie shouldn't have used red ink it scares

[56:18] The shit out of my life, but even more importantly January 20th 12 rounds with the flop house crew. Yeah, which is us

[56:25] And now all that's left is to wish you floppy holidays, it sounds horrible

[56:39] I assume so yeah, happy flop

[56:42] Or cough a bunch. We'll have to yeah, nope

[56:49] Okay

[56:50] So floppy holidays and a floppy New Year yeah

[56:54] Much not sure when we will be with you again next and maybe a little later because because the holidays may not

[57:00] Who knows?

[57:01] It's question mark the mystery of life who knows what the new year will bring for all of us

[57:06] right guys

[57:07] You're getting really weird. We shouldn't do this in the afternoon anymore

[57:11] We got to do it at night when Dan's too tired to be weird

[57:14] All right well for the flop house. I've been Dan McCoy. I've been Stewart Wellington, and I will continue to be Elliot Kalin

[57:21] See you guys later

[57:24] Bitch

[57:39] You're basing him just on how people play with him in Marvel versus Capcom. I mean, it's

[57:46] Pick a fucking side stop spam stop stop spam spamming your projectile attack

The Flop House: Episode #93 - Green Lantern

Transcript

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