The Flop House: Episode #93 - Green Lantern

Dan McCoy

[0:00] He's America's top Lantern-based superhero.

[0:03] Today on the show, we discuss Green Lantern.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:34] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Elliot Kalin, the second.

[0:41] The second?

[0:42] Yeah.

[0:43] How are you two dudes doing?

Stuart Wellington

[0:45] I guess I'm okay.

Elliott Kalan

[0:46] That's weird.

[0:48] Not what I usually expect you to say at the start of the podcast.

[0:51] I'm sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[0:51] Yeah, you got some news or something?

[0:53] Yeah, are you preparing us for something?

Elliott Kalan

[0:54] I'm just a little thrown off because I'm sitting on an exercise ball.

[0:57] Yeah, for those listening at home, Dan is sitting on an exercise ball.

[1:01] There is no funny story behind it.

[1:02] It is not interesting.

[1:03] Not a bit?

[1:04] Just happening.

Dan McCoy

[1:05] Yeah.

[1:05] It's just a question of chair allocation.

Stuart Wellington

[1:09] You're not exercising your core?

[1:12] Well, I probably am.

[1:12] He should be.

[1:13] Well, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[1:14] Your core does need more exercise.

Dan McCoy

[1:16] Wait, what?

[1:17] What are you saying about my core?

Elliott Kalan

[1:18] This is an intervention, Dan.

[1:19] You've got a weak core.

[1:20] Okay.

[1:20] Stuart and I have both noticed it.

[1:21] The listeners have noticed it.

[1:24] Your core is crying out for strengthening.

[1:25] So this podcast is not about bad movies anymore.

[1:28] It's about your personal fitness regimen and your core.

[1:30] This is shocking.

[1:31] Have you ever seen the movie The Core?

[1:33] It's about you and your weak core.

Stuart Wellington

[1:34] I thought it was – wasn't DJ Qualls in that?

Elliott Kalan

[1:37] Yeah, he goes into Dan's core to strengthen it.

[1:39] Okay.

[1:39] There's a big global catastrophe.

Dan McCoy

[1:41] It didn't work out in the world.

[1:42] How does he do it?

[1:43] Does he do it?

[1:43] Does he use some Pilates or something?

[1:45] It's a giant exercise ball.

[1:46] A lot of planks.

Elliott Kalan

[1:47] A lot of planking.

[1:49] Mm-hmm.

[1:51] All right.

[1:51] And a lot of plankton.

[1:52] Sounds like a good movie.

[1:53] I should check that out.

Stuart Wellington

[1:54] Nope.

[1:57] You can go down to your local video store.

[1:59] It's filed under disaster movies.

[2:01] Mm-hmm.

[2:02] It's filed under box office disaster.

Dan McCoy

[2:03] It's filed under movies where the Earth's magnetic core stops moving.

[2:08] Yep.

[2:08] Is that what happens?

[2:09] Yes.

[2:10] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[2:11] And it causes –

[2:12] Massive bird deaths.

[2:13] And buildings to fall over on top of people.

Dan McCoy

[2:16] And it gives Delroy Lindo a nice fat paycheck.

[2:22] Along with other character actors.

[2:25] Tony Shalhoub was in it, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[2:26] So are we talking about the core today?

[2:29] No, we're talking about a completely different movie.

[2:31] We're talking about a movie –

[2:32] Movie Watched is one that's been requested multiple times by Flophouse fans.

[2:36] We actually said we were going to do it.

[2:37] And now you're just fucking teasing them.

[2:38] Why are we wasting time on the core?

[2:40] Who was in that again?

Dan McCoy

[2:42] Tony Shalhoub.

[2:43] Was that a Jennifer Connelly movie?

[2:44] TV's Monk.

[2:45] No, that movie starred – what's her face?

[2:48] Million Dollar Baby.

[2:49] Oh, that expensive baby.

[2:53] Oh, Goo Goo's Rockefeller.

[2:57] So we watched today a movie called Green Lantern.

Stuart Wellington

[3:00] Green Lantern.

Dan McCoy

[3:03] About a guy with a green lantern.

[3:05] Yeah.

[3:05] The end.

[3:06] I mean, he does have –

[3:07] El Lanterno Verde.

[3:09] He has a green lantern.

[3:11] He has a green ring.

[3:12] It comes as a matched set.

[3:14] Yep.

[3:14] You buy one, you got to buy the other.

[3:16] He didn't buy them.

Elliott Kalan

[3:17] They were given to him by a skinless alien.

Stuart Wellington

[3:19] Yeah, a skinless purple alien.

[3:20] I wasn't really paying attention.

Elliott Kalan

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:22] Dan, during this movie, decided to go downstairs and check his mail.

[3:25] Then at one point he was showing Stuart that he can play Sonic the Hedgehog on his iPad.

[3:30] Really – the movie really captivated.

[3:31] What is more important?

[3:32] The fact that I can play Sonic the Hedgehog on my iPad or Green Lantern.

[3:36] It took him into a world of whimsy that he could not escape from.

Stuart Wellington

[3:39] Yeah, it's all about wish fulfillment, you know?

[3:41] Yeah.

[3:42] He wished to see Ryan Reynolds.

[3:45] In his underpants.

[3:46] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:47] And it happened.

[3:47] Yeah, it happened.

[3:48] Several times.

[3:50] Yeah.

[3:50] There's a lot –

[3:50] Because the movie knew that was what it had going for.

Elliott Kalan

[3:52] There's a lot in this movie for the ladies.

[3:54] Ryan Reynolds with his shirt off.

[3:56] Giant space monsters.

[3:57] Giant space monster.

[3:58] It's like that, right?

[3:58] Peter Sarsgaard with an enormous bulbous head.

[4:01] Blake Lively's acting chops.

[4:03] Yep.

[4:05] Yeah.

[4:06] Lots of great things.

[4:07] So this is a pretty simple movie, Green Lantern.

[4:10] It's your basic guy –

[4:12] It's a comic book guy.

[4:13] Yeah.

[4:13] Based on the comic book Green Lantern.

[4:15] It's based on the comic book guy character from Simpsons.

[4:18] Green Lantern is a –

[4:20] Hal Jordan, a screw-up fighter pilot who –

[4:23] A real maverick, if you will.

[4:25] He's a real maverick.

[4:26] A real ice man.

[4:27] A real goose.

[4:28] A real tough gun.

[4:29] He seems to be –

[4:30] A real Firefox.

Stuart Wellington

[4:31] He seems to be unafraid of anything but commitment.

Elliott Kalan

[4:34] Yeah.

[4:34] The one thing he's afraid of is getting close to people.

[4:36] Well, and dying in a firing crash.

[4:38] He's not that afraid of that.

Dan McCoy

[4:40] He's afraid enough of it that he bails out of his brand new plane.

Elliott Kalan

[4:44] It's just foolishness not to bail out of a crashing plane.

Dan McCoy

[4:47] But like Lively said, you had a chance to pull it out and you didn't.

[4:51] He was too busy.

Elliott Kalan

[4:51] She was talking about the time that they had a baby by accident.

[4:54] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[4:54] And he was too busy having a really weird flashback in the middle of this action sequence.

Dan McCoy

[4:58] Yeah, to the time his dad died in a fiery crash.

[5:01] That's his fear of fiery crashes.

[5:02] Maybe we should start at the beginning, shall we?

[5:04] They need to justify his fear of fiery crashes because no one's afraid of that unless their

[5:08] dad died in one.

[5:09] Unless they saw it happen.

[5:10] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[5:10] So the movie begins with a bunch of cartoon aliens running around and getting in trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[5:15] Oh, the shabby.

[5:16] They're just getting into hijinks.

Stuart Wellington

[5:20] They're real sprakes.

Elliott Kalan

[5:20] The movie starts with a voiceover, which is the sign that says this will be a bad movie.

[5:25] Yeah.

[5:26] And it starts by explaining that thousands of billions of trillions of quadrillions of quintillions

[5:31] of years ago, a race of aliens known as the Guardians, I think.

[5:36] They probably named themselves that.

[5:38] Yeah, nobody called them that.

[5:39] They gave themselves that name, who are little purple guys with big heads and long flowing

[5:43] red robes.

[5:44] And by long, I mean like two story long robes.

[5:47] Created a legion of space cops called the Green Lantern Corps to police the universe.

[5:54] And they've used the power of human, or I guess not human, the power of willpower, which

[5:59] is green.

Dan McCoy

[6:00] Will is the greatest force in the universe.

Elliott Kalan

[6:02] Which is a very Nietzschean view of the universe, that the will to power is the most powerful

[6:07] force.

[6:08] But everyone gets a green ring.

[6:09] It gives them the power to do whatever they can imagine, as long as they imagine it coming

[6:13] out green.

[6:14] And there was also an evil yellow force, Fear, which took the form of a monster cloud called

[6:21] Parallax.

[6:22] And they trapped it inside of a planet on the other side of the universe.

[6:25] But then it escapes.

Dan McCoy

[6:27] Yeah.

[6:27] And in the beginning of the movie, it escapes.

Elliott Kalan

[6:29] I hope so.

[6:30] And it escapes in the beginning.

[6:31] Cut to Reckless...

[6:33] Kelly.

[6:35] Reckless...

[6:35] Yeah, who's serious?

[6:38] In his second film role.

Stuart Wellington

[6:40] Yeah, that's the movie where Ned Kelly dates Robin Banks, the bank teller.

Elliott Kalan

[6:45] So, Reckless test pilot Ryan Reynolds screws up a, like a, what, like a presentation of their

[6:52] stealth drones before Senator Tim Robbins.

[6:55] And as Dan commented...

Dan McCoy

[6:57] Oh, yeah.

[6:57] Tim Robbins has now entered the playing Senators phase of his career.

Elliott Kalan

[7:01] Which means he is a kind of an older gentleman with gray hair.

[7:04] Yeah.

[7:04] And he looks good in a suit.

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] He's...

[7:08] And he doesn't have to move too much.

Elliott Kalan

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:11] Yeah.

[7:11] He just kind of stands around and says things like, well, we're looking into it.

[7:15] Yeah.

[7:16] You know, and like, this has very big possibilities.

[7:19] You've disappointed me for the last time.

[7:21] Yeah.

[7:21] You've got to understand, there are ways of doing these things.

[7:25] Ryan Reynolds threw some hot dog in, ruins the presentation.

[7:30] On the ski slopes.

[7:31] And he's, and wrecks his plane.

[7:34] And then, like, he gets fired, but then he's not fired.

[7:38] And then a purple alien...

Stuart Wellington

[7:40] And then he's not fired.

[7:41] And then he's on some kind of double secret probation or something.

Elliott Kalan

[7:45] Exactly.

[7:46] And Parallax fights Abin Sor, a purple alien with no skin, who is the greatest of the Green

[7:53] Lantern heroes.

[7:55] And kills, wounds him lethally.

[7:59] And Abin Sor crashes his spaceship into Earth and then sits in his spaceship submerged in

[8:03] water for like a day.

[8:05] He's literally wounded.

[8:07] Until Ryan Reynolds happens to stop by.

[8:09] Oh, no, he doesn't happen to stop by.

[8:10] A green glowing cloud picks up Ryan Reynolds outside of a child's birthday party and takes

[8:15] him to the dying Abin Sor.

Dan McCoy

[8:17] Because the ring has chosen him.

[8:18] As they say, the ring chooses the next Green Lantern.

Stuart Wellington

[8:21] So you're saying Abin Sor, the greatest Green Lantern, flies a spaceship that no other Green Lantern

[8:28] seemed to need to fly around.

[8:29] They all fly through space by themselves.

Elliott Kalan

[8:31] But no, he decides to fly a spaceship.

[8:33] Yeah.

[8:33] Well, it's like a vintage spaceship that he cherried up.

[8:35] You know, he really took care of it.

[8:37] He wants to show it off to Parallax.

[8:40] Because he knows Parallax is like a vintage spaceship nut.

Stuart Wellington

[8:43] They see each other at the vintage spaceship shows.

[8:44] He wanted to show him the spaceship and then crash it into something just to make him mad for

[8:48] killing him.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] He wanted to crash.

[8:50] Yes.

[8:50] Oh, you're going to kill me?

[8:52] Well, I'll wreck this beautiful spaceship.

[8:53] No!

[8:56] So he sits waist deep in water for like 10 hours until the ring...

[9:01] Water he's probably soiled.

[9:03] Until the ring decides to go get him.

[9:06] He never...

[9:07] And then leaves the spaceship until Ryan Reynolds pulls him out.

[9:10] This is a guy who, again, has control of a ring that can do anything.

[9:14] He never uses it to get him out of a spaceship.

[9:17] Avin's sword dies but gives the ring to Ryan Reynolds because the ring has chosen him.

[9:21] Yeah.

[9:22] Ryan Reynolds calls his friend who comes and picks him up in his car.

[9:25] And then they run away as a helicopter flies by, which they assume is an evil government,

[9:29] I guess.

[9:30] Yeah, you know, whatever...

Stuart Wellington

[9:32] If you're at the side of a crashed spaceship, you should probably run away from any approaching

[9:37] vehicles.

[9:38] Especially a helicopter with a search line.

Dan McCoy

[9:40] At the best, you can expect the men in black to show up and erase your memory.

Stuart Wellington

[9:44] Yeah, and then you don't get to keep the ring.

[9:45] Yeah.

[9:46] You don't get to remember what, like, rap song they might sing before erasing your memory.

Dan McCoy

[9:50] About how here they come.

Elliott Kalan

[9:52] The men in black?

[9:53] Yep.

[9:53] Are they galaxy protectors?

[9:54] They are.

[9:55] Or galaxy defenders?

Dan McCoy

[9:56] Because they won't let you remember.

[9:58] Oh, yeah.

[9:59] Which kind of rhymes.

[9:59] It doesn't rhyme at all.

Elliott Kalan

[10:00] Defender and remember.

[10:02] Remember rhymes just as well with protector.

[10:04] It's a slant rhyme.

[10:05] It's a crappy rhyme.

Dan McCoy

[10:07] Okay.

[10:08] Well, agree to disagree.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] All right.

[10:09] This has been the Rhymecast, where we rate different rhymes from 16-year-old rap songs.

[10:15] So, yeah.

[10:18] He becomes...

[10:18] He becomes Green Lantern.

[10:19] He puts on the ring.

[10:20] He charges it up with the battery.

[10:21] Long story short.

[10:22] He...

[10:22] The ring tells him the oath, the Green Lantern oath, and then takes him to Oa, the planet of the Green Lanterns, where a...

Stuart Wellington

[10:29] Not until after he used the ring's power to punch a bunch of guys whose jobs he lost.

[10:34] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[10:35] A lot of guys were fired from the airplane factory because Ryan Reynolds lost them a government contract.

[10:41] So, after he has a drink with his boss slash ex-girlfriend...

Stuart Wellington

[10:44] They get in some kind of weird, like, dance fight in the parking lot.

Elliott Kalan

[10:47] Uh, yeah.

[10:48] Well, he dances with his boss, Blake Lively.

[10:51] Okay.

[10:51] And then he goes to the parking lot and a bunch of guys go like, thanks for losing us our jobs.

[10:55] And in a very choreographed fight, punch him a lot.

[10:58] Mm-hmm.

[10:59] And then the Green Lantern ring and its infinite goodness and wisdom and justice allows Ron Reynolds to punch them so hard that they all must be dead now.

[11:05] Yeah.

[11:06] One flies through a brick wall.

[11:07] One smashes into the front of a car.

[11:09] Yeah.

[11:09] We never hear from them again.

Dan McCoy

[11:10] Men who have a legitimate gripe.

[11:12] I mean, maybe they shouldn't be beating up a guy in a parking lot.

[11:15] Look, violence is never the answer.

Elliott Kalan

[11:17] But...

[11:17] Sometimes you get mad when one man is responsible for your livelihood being taken around.

Dan McCoy

[11:20] Probably have families, children that aren't going to be able to eat now because of Ryan Reynolds hot-dogging.

Elliott Kalan

[11:26] If only he could make a real hot dog to feed their family.

[11:29] Yeah.

[11:30] Instead, he was too busy hot-dogging in the skies.

Dan McCoy

[11:32] Instead, he's too busy making a giant Green Lantern fist to punch them.

[11:37] That's when...

Stuart Wellington

[11:37] I mean, knowing this movie's sense of right and wrong, it was probably their families that were killed by the giant smoke monster at the end of the movie.

[11:44] Yeah.

[11:44] Well, don't jump ahead too fast.

Elliott Kalan

[11:45] Okay, spoiler alert.

[11:46] There's a smoke monster.

[11:49] It's almost like the ring was waiting for an opportunity for Ryan Reynolds to organically use his power.

[11:55] Like, it feels like everyone in the movie is subservient to screenplay structure.

[11:59] So, like, Avin Sir crashes his ship.

[12:01] He should immediately go get Ryan Reynolds.

[12:03] But it's not time for Ryan Reynolds to get the ring.

[12:05] It's not, like, page 25 of the script yet.

[12:08] So, Avin Sir has to sit around and wait for Ryan Reynolds to go through the other stages of the hero's journey.

[12:14] And then, like, the ring should instantly take Ryan Reynolds to Oa so that he can become a Green Lantern.

[12:19] And instead, it waits for him to discover the power because that's how movies work.

[12:22] That's not how the ring would work.

[12:24] So, they go to Oa and a birdfish man...

Stuart Wellington

[12:28] Yeah, he runs around the computer game or whatever he's in.

Elliott Kalan

[12:31] Yeah, it's all computer generated.

[12:33] And a birdfish man voiced by...

[12:35] Jeffrey Rush.

[12:36] Jeffrey Rush.

[12:37] I don't say Jeffrey, right.

[12:38] By Jeffrey Rush says to him,

[12:40] I'm the Green Lantern of sector such and such.

[12:43] And Ryan Reynolds goes,

[12:43] That sector has 100 million sentient species.

[12:46] How do I know that?

[12:47] And Jeffrey Rush says,

[12:49] Your ring told you so.

[12:50] It tells you everything.

[12:51] And he goes,

[12:52] Oh, wow.

[12:52] Where am I?

[12:53] What's this place?

[12:54] Who are those people?

[12:55] And Jeffrey Rush has to explain all this to him

[12:57] because the ring apparently forgot to tell him the most important information.

Dan McCoy

[13:01] Yeah.

[13:02] Well, he just wants to tell what other people's purview is.

Elliott Kalan

[13:05] I guess so.

[13:06] It's one of those things where it's like,

[13:07] Jeffrey Rush needs to tell him this so that the audience can learn it.

[13:10] But all they need to do to make that okay is not have him...

[13:14] Not have the ring supposedly have given him all universal information.

[13:17] Right.

[13:17] You know?

Stuart Wellington

[13:18] Because that's integral to the storyline of the movie.

[13:21] Yeah, it really comes into play.

Elliott Kalan

[13:23] It's totally not.

[13:24] He never uses that knowledge.

[13:25] And he spends the rest of the movie asking people what the deal is.

Stuart Wellington

[13:28] Basically, every little bit of knowledge that he needs to use throughout this entire movie

[13:31] somebody tells him very obviously.

[13:34] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[13:35] He then goes into training as a Green Lantern with Michael Clark Duncan

[13:39] as the voice of Kilowog, a giant pig man,

[13:43] who basically just throws things at him and yells things like,

[13:46] you've got to toughen up to be part of the core.

[13:48] Hey, if you're afraid, you're going to lose, so don't be afraid.

[13:50] Okay, I'm done.

[13:51] How long does this training take?

[13:52] About seven minutes.

[13:54] No, actually about two minutes, 45 seconds.

Dan McCoy

[13:57] Yeah, but I mean like not even in screen time.

[14:00] Like a day.

Elliott Kalan

[14:02] Yeah, he's been training for like maybe a day.

[14:03] And that's when the most pretentious of the Green Lanterns, Sinestro.

[14:08] Sounds like a good guy.

[14:10] Yep, with a name like Sinestro, he's got to be good.

[14:13] Sinestro comes in and says, I'll take over here Kilowog.

[14:15] He's also got a mustache.

[14:16] He's got a mustache and a very high forehead and a widow's peak.

[14:20] Hey, I've got a widow's peak.

[14:22] And he's played by some evil, oh yeah, look at this.

[14:25] That's barely, barely a widow's peak.

Stuart Wellington

[14:27] Played by screen bad guy Mark Strong.

[14:30] What else did he play?

[14:31] He was the bad guy in that Sherlock Holmes movie.

[14:33] Oh yeah, dressed to kill.

Elliott Kalan

[14:39] And some other stuff.

[14:41] So Sinestro's like, take it aside, Kilowog.

[14:43] He's mad because Abin Sur was his mentor.

[14:46] And I assume lover.

[14:47] I read that into it.

[14:49] Abin Sur's the skinless guy, right?

[14:51] Yeah, who's dead now.

[14:52] Okay.

[14:52] And Sinestro says to Ryan Reynolds, hey, Ryan Reynolds, if you think you're so great, fight me.

[15:00] And so they fight.

[15:00] Ryan Reynolds has one sword.

[15:01] Sinestro has two swords.

[15:03] Why do you pick swords?

[15:04] Ryan Reynolds picks them.

[15:05] I don't know.

[15:05] Because visually it's interesting.

Dan McCoy

[15:07] Because Ryan Reynolds probably has a lot of sword training from his time in the Air Force.

Elliott Kalan

[15:13] Okay.

[15:14] He thought saber, meaning saber the plane, and the ring heard saber the sword.

[15:20] Yeah.

[15:20] Okay.

[15:21] So the ring is not very good with synonyms.

[15:23] No, not synonyms.

[15:24] Homonyms.

[15:25] Okay.

[15:26] Or words with multiple meanings.

[15:28] Is that like words that sound like other words?

[15:30] That's what a homonym is.

[15:31] Okay.

[15:31] Yeah, that is.

[15:32] Yeah.

[15:33] Words that sound like other words.

[15:35] Dot com.

[15:35] Yeah.

[15:36] So they sword fight.

[15:37] And Sinestro easily beats Ryan Reynolds and says, you're afraid.

[15:41] You're nothing.

[15:42] You're weak.

[15:42] That's your problem.

[15:43] You're afraid.

[15:44] You dishonor Abin Sor and leaves.

[15:46] And Ryan Reynolds doesn't say the obvious thing, which is, it's my first day.

[15:50] Like, I just started.

[15:51] I'm not going to be the greatest Green Lantern in the universe right away.

[15:55] Sinestro.

[15:56] Anyway, that's what I would have said.

Stuart Wellington

[15:57] And then somehow we're to assume that he quits, right?

[16:00] Because next time we see him, he's on Earth and he's wearing a wig.

[16:03] He kind of tells Kelowog, like, I don't need to do this.

Elliott Kalan

[16:06] That's the extent of his quitting.

Dan McCoy

[16:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:09] But we are to believe that he is intrinsically a quitter.

Dan McCoy

[16:13] That is part of his character.

Elliott Kalan

[16:14] Yeah.

[16:15] His real problem isn't that he's afraid of things, which should be the challenge he has to overcome, but that he's a quitter.

[16:19] Yeah.

[16:21] Meanwhile, back on Earth, Abin Sor's body has been discovered by...

[16:25] Peter Skarsgård?

[16:26] The government.

[16:27] Skarsgård.

[16:28] And biology professor Peter Skarsgård.

[16:31] Skarsgård.

[16:31] Who here, he looks like the guy with the mustache from Workaholics, like, in 25 years.

[16:37] Okay.

[16:38] A reference that everyone gets.

[16:40] Hit show Workaholics.

[16:42] Look, it's on TV.

[16:43] People can look up what the guy looks like.

[16:45] He's got a gross, weedy mustache and long hair and he's losing his hair on the front.

[16:49] But he's also Tim Robbins, the senator's son.

[16:51] Okay.

[16:52] Which I'm sure made Tim Robbins feel great, that he's playing the father of Peter Skarsgård.

[16:55] I mean, they all grew up together.

[16:57] That's the other thing.

[16:57] Oh, yeah.

[16:58] That's right.

[16:58] He grew up with his dad.

[16:59] Skarsgård and Blake Lively.

[17:01] Tim Robbins grew up with him?

[17:02] Yeah, it's a time warp thing.

[17:05] Tim Robbins is actually younger than his own son.

[17:07] Okay.

[17:08] Peter Skarsgård and Ryle Rennitz and Blake Lively all grew up together as kids.

Dan McCoy

[17:17] Wait, what?

[17:18] Nothing.

[17:18] I'm just saying things with two R's.

[17:20] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[17:20] They went to the high school at Anytown, USA.

[17:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:24] Valley is what it's called.

[17:26] So the level of coincidence in the movie is like ramped up by a thousand because there's

[17:30] this huge space core of aliens and there's a fear cloud that sucks people's skeletons

[17:34] out of their bodies and it's all going to pick the same three people basically to get involved

[17:39] with.

[17:39] Yeah.

[17:40] But Peter Smarsgård is hired to investigate this alien body and he accidentally pricks himself

[17:48] on something inside the body which turns out to be a piece of the fear cloud monster

[17:53] parallax.

[17:54] Yeah.

[17:54] And so basically long story short, his brain gets really big and gross and he can read

[18:01] people's minds and he has telekinetic powers.

Stuart Wellington

[18:04] Yeah.

[18:04] He becomes a real monster face.

Dan McCoy

[18:06] Yeah.

[18:07] And all of his nerdiness is amplified too.

[18:10] He gets even more sniveling and pathetic.

Elliott Kalan

[18:12] Yeah.

[18:12] He actually, like, he's a character who the more powerful he gets, the weaker he gets.

[18:17] So by the end of it he's got a huge brain but he's in a wheelchair.

[18:20] And it's, you have a climax that's between Ryan Reynolds, this handsome fit guy, and a guy who

[18:24] basically looks like he has like elephantiasis or down syndrome or something like that.

[18:27] It's really horrifying.

[18:28] Like, it's just gross that the movie is like, hey comic book fans, we're going to have a frail nerd up against a super strong handsome guy and you've got a root for the handsome guy.

Stuart Wellington

[18:39] Assholes.

[18:40] And you'd expect that climax to be like a fight, like a physical fight of this nerd getting punched in the face a lot.

[18:47] But nope, it's just them talking.

Elliott Kalan

[18:49] They talk it out.

[18:49] I don't want to get ahead of myself.

[18:50] But let's, basically this all comes together at the unveiling of some kind of thing at a grand gala at the airplane company.

[18:57] Turns out, I guess, the contracts went through and everybody's jobs are safe.

[19:00] Hooray!

[19:01] Hal Jordan, a.k.a. Ryan Reynolds, has been rehired and everybody's at this party and Stella Marsgaard decides that he is unhappy with everything.

[19:12] He hits on Blake Lively.

[19:13] She's not interested.

[19:14] To no effect, yeah.

[19:15] And so he...

[19:16] She's not drawn in by his receding hairline and majestic mustache.

[19:20] And his inability to not, like, giggle or snort or have snot falling out of his face.

[19:25] Or awkwardly sniffle.

[19:26] His weasley tone.

[19:27] They really went way out of their way to make him a totally unattractive character.

[19:30] And he is also somehow the most likable character in the whole movie.

[19:35] He's throwing himself into it with a bandit.

[19:37] At least he looks like he's having fun.

[19:39] Well, the fish guy's pretty good, too.

[19:40] Yeah.

[19:40] And I know you were excited about Kilowog.

[19:43] Every time he was on screen, you'd go, yay, pig face.

[19:46] Pig face here.

[19:49] So Marsgaard uses his mental powers to blow up the tap of the bar, which then hits a helicopter blade.

[19:59] Helicopter crashes.

[19:59] The helicopter's carrying his dad, Tim Robbins.

[20:03] And...

[20:03] Wait, what?

Dan McCoy

[20:04] This was when I was going to get the mail?

[20:06] You checked the mail.

[20:07] Why does he have to go through such a weird Rube Goldberg way to, like...

[20:11] I mean, like, if he has telekinesis, why not just, like, take the helicopter down directly?

Stuart Wellington

[20:15] Because he doesn't want anyone to suspect it's him using telekinesis powers.

Elliott Kalan

[20:18] Yes, exactly.

[20:19] He's got a wire in the fucking...

[20:20] Well, the thing is, helicopters almost never fail and crash.

[20:23] So people would get suspicious.

[20:24] But beer taps explode all the time.

[20:26] So people would be like, oh, no, this totally ordinary thing where a beer tap just flew into the air and hit a helicopter.

[20:32] Obviously, that wasn't caused by a genius superbrain telekinetic with a gross mustache.

[20:37] So the helicopter's crashing.

[20:39] It somehow manages to miss everybody in this huge crowd of people.

[20:42] Ryan Reynolds saves the day and becomes Green Lantern by turning the helicopter into a race car and then creating a giant...

[20:49] Yeah, like a 4001 car.

[20:50] ...creating a giant Hot Wheels track to, I guess, turn it in circles and slow it down.

[20:55] And this was foreshadowed by a scene earlier between him and his nephew that had a Hot Wheels track in the scene.

[21:02] So Green Lantern saves the day.

[21:04] Good catch.

[21:05] Yeah.

[21:06] Oh, yeah.

[21:07] Screenwriting 101 is something doesn't make sense in a movie unless there's some brief reference to it, however arbitrary, earlier in the movie.

[21:15] Things never happen in real life without being set up in the first act.

[21:18] But we're still in act two.

[21:19] Anyway, this thing happens.

[21:20] I don't remember what happens after that.

[21:22] Ryan Reynolds probably quits being with Green Lantern like 100 times.

Stuart Wellington

[21:24] Everybody doesn't realize it's Hal Jordan.

[21:26] They think it's his Green Lantern fellow.

Dan McCoy

[21:27] Yeah, Blake Lively, he goes to see her, tries to barely put on a fucking voice, and he has his domino mask on.

[21:36] But she's like, I know it's you.

[21:39] Like, we grew up together.

[21:40] Yeah, which is...

[21:41] What the fuck are you trying to pull?

[21:42] Which is kind of funny.

Elliott Kalan

[21:42] Yeah, which is a pretty good line.

[21:44] Pretty good moment that she isn't fooled by his stupid...

[21:47] His mask that doesn't even cover his hair.

[21:49] Doesn't cover his haircut.

Dan McCoy

[21:50] I mean, honestly, you know, at this point we can just sort of skip ahead.

Elliott Kalan

[21:54] Yeah, they're falling in love.

[21:56] The Green Lanterns can't stop Parallax, the fear cloud.

[22:00] There's a big fight with the Brain Man, which ends with Parallax, the fear cloud, who apparently, I guess, was controlling Brain Man somehow, says,

[22:10] You failed me, and destroys him.

[22:12] Green Lantern fights Parallax.

[22:14] It's this evil fear cloud that none of the Green Lanterns can figure out how to fight.

[22:17] It turns out the way to stop it is with missiles and explosives.

[22:21] Yep.

[22:21] And eventually...

[22:22] Not with green blasts or nets or anything like that.

[22:25] Yeah.

[22:25] And eventually, Green Lantern...

[22:27] He has the genius idea...

[22:30] Now, no one would ever think of this before...

[22:32] Of taking this super evil bad guy and throwing him into the sun so that he burns to death.

[22:37] Yeah, that's like a first time, right?

[22:39] Maybe like...

[22:40] And it's weird that the...

Dan McCoy

[22:41] I think what we're learning is that the rest of the Green Lantern Corps is kind of dim.

Elliott Kalan

[22:45] I guess so.

[22:46] And then later, he says to them...

[22:48] Later, Sinestro gives a speech to the Green Lanterns, and he says...

[22:51] Oh, Green Lantern...

[22:52] Ryan Reynolds had already given a speech to the Owens, one of the many times he quit being a Green Lantern,

[22:56] where he tells them that humanity is a young species, but the best thing about us is our humanity.

[23:01] And then later, Sinestro says the same thing.

[23:03] What we thought was a weakness turned out to be his greatest strength, his humanity.

[23:07] Because I only...

[23:08] I guess only the compassion of the human heart could think of throwing something into the sun to kill it.

[23:13] Like this...

[23:14] It really doesn't...

[23:15] Nothing makes sense put together.

[23:17] And so, in the end, everyone's okay.

[23:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[23:22] Except for Sinestro, at the end, puts on a yellow ring that they afford for the power of fear.

[23:29] Yeah, for no reason.

[23:30] There's no real reason for him to put that ring on, but...

[23:32] Well, for the comic book fans out there.

Stuart Wellington

[23:34] They go, oh, I knew Sinestro was going to be a bad guy.

[23:36] I read the comics.

Dan McCoy

[23:38] The thing that I knew was going to happen, happened.

Elliott Kalan

[23:40] The guy whose name has Sinister in it.

[23:44] How stupid is it to waste an entire movie trying to fool the audience into thinking Sinestro is a good guy?

[23:50] I mean, he seems pretty evil.

[23:52] He seems pretty evil.

[23:53] He's got a penciled and mustache.

[23:53] And he's kind of a dick.

[23:54] He's a jerk.

[23:55] His name is Sinestro.

[23:56] Maybe they'll say...

[23:56] It's not Benevolo.

Dan McCoy

[23:57] Maybe they thought it was Sinestro.

[24:01] He just had, like, bad allergies.

[24:03] Yeah, they're not pronouncing it that way, though.

[24:04] That's...

[24:04] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[24:06] But, yeah.

[24:07] And when he's fighting that giant cloud monster...

[24:10] Parallax.

[24:10] Yeah.

[24:11] He starts just throwing explosives at it, and that seems to work pretty well.

[24:14] And Parallax goes, rawr!

Elliott Kalan

[24:15] Oh!

[24:17] And it's...

[24:17] Ouch!

[24:17] Yeah, I don't know why they just keep doing that.

[24:19] It's kind of like the American version of Godzilla, where Godzilla's rampaging through the streets

[24:23] of New York, and then they hit it with some missiles, and he dies.

[24:26] And it's like, well, why didn't you do that in the beginning?

[24:29] I guess not even missiles.

[24:30] Rockets.

Stuart Wellington

[24:31] They were talking about how only one Green Lantern's ever been able to capture Parallax.

[24:36] Why did he put him in a prison?

[24:38] Why didn't he just throw him into the sun or something?

[24:40] Like, it's not like there's due process or something for a fucking fear monster.

[24:45] Maybe there is.

[24:46] They're space cops.

[24:47] Yeah.

[24:47] They do things by the space book.

[24:48] By the way, I wish it was called space cops.

Elliott Kalan

[24:50] If it was called green space cops, it's way better.

[24:55] Yeah.

[24:56] So, Green Lantern.

[24:57] And what's weird is they also talk about...

[24:59] They're like, we Green Lanterns have forever traveled the universe squashing injustice.

[25:04] It's like, well, you've done a pretty shitty job on Earth, because we've had a lot of terrible

[25:08] things happen just within the past hundred years.

Dan McCoy

[25:10] You know, Green Lanterns.

[25:11] Maybe the problem was before that we had a human Green Lantern, Avancer was like, I don't

[25:17] care about that that much.

[25:19] Yeah, he was...

Dan McCoy

[25:19] That's true.

[25:19] Here's the problem.

Stuart Wellington

[25:19] He was too busy showboating and hot-dogging, as you said.

Elliott Kalan

[25:23] Yes.

[25:23] Hot-dogging.

[25:23] He was too busy hot-dogging burying Parallax and planets rather than stopping Hitler's.

Dan McCoy

[25:28] He was paying more attention to his own race than ours.

Elliott Kalan

[25:30] Which is skinless purples.

[25:32] Yep.

Stuart Wellington

[25:33] And making really cool spacecrafts that he crashes, right?

[25:36] Yeah.

[25:37] In his garage.

[25:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[25:38] He's just out there on a Sunday morning just tinkering in his driveway with that spacecraft.

Dan McCoy

[25:45] So, I mean, you guys really liked this movie.

[25:47] Oh, it was amazing.

[25:50] It was directed by Martin Campbell.

Stuart Wellington

[25:51] There was a really good scene from about midway through.

[25:54] It's the sitcom Martin.

Dan McCoy

[25:56] He directed Casino Royale and GoldenEye.

[25:58] And he did that stand-up special, Runtel Dat.

[26:00] The first Zorro movie.

[26:01] He starred in Black Knight.

[26:02] He's actually a fairly good action director.

[26:05] He is.

Stuart Wellington

[26:05] It's too bad that this movie is terrible.

[26:07] And, like, the climactic battles are like Ryan Reynolds and Stellan Skarsgård lying on

[26:14] the ground touching each other's foreheads.

[26:16] And that's the battle they're having.

[26:18] Pretty much, yeah.

[26:18] And then Tim Robbins catches on fire at the end.

[26:21] Oh, I forgot.

[26:21] Tim Robbins dies.

Dan McCoy

[26:22] Scene's over.

[26:23] Dies of fire.

[26:24] Yeah, he gets the old double giant blowtorch.

Elliott Kalan

[26:28] The old double giant blowtorch.

[26:31] We've seen it so many times in movies.

[26:33] It also makes me wonder.

[26:33] That was pretty great when he burned up.

Dan McCoy

[26:35] I mean, you didn't expect to see Tim Robbins burn up.

[26:37] It also makes me wonder why.

[26:38] You didn't see it.

Elliott Kalan

[26:39] You saw him go, ah!

[26:40] And then fire came all over the room.

[26:42] He didn't.

[26:42] It's not like you saw his flesh melting off his bones.

Stuart Wellington

[26:45] Why did the Peter Skarsgård character exist?

[26:48] Was he just there to keep Green Lantern busy for a little while

[26:51] before the big monster shows up?

Elliott Kalan

[26:53] Yeah.

[26:54] Like, superhero movies need two villains these days.

[26:56] That's kind of just the way they do things.

[26:58] There's always, like, the big villain and the hench villain.

[27:01] Okay.

[27:01] I mean, you also needed his flamboyant performance.

[27:04] You needed...

[27:04] He was the only thing bringing anything in the movie to life.

[27:06] He set the world afire.

[27:07] He was the only lively thing in a movie that featured Blake Lively.

[27:11] Oh!

[27:12] Who was very dull.

[27:13] Yeah.

[27:13] And sold it.

[27:14] And mumbly mouth.

Dan McCoy

[27:15] Well, that's the movie.

[27:17] She's a pretty face to look at.

[27:21] Yeah, well, sure.

[27:23] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[27:23] So do a lot of other actresses.

[27:25] I'm just trying to find the good in things.

[27:26] A pretty face is not exactly...

[27:28] Thanks, Mr. Skin.

[27:29] Pretty face is not exactly a rare thing among movie actresses.

[27:34] That's one of the...

[27:35] When I was growing up...

[27:36] You know, when you're a young guy growing up, you prize beauty above all things.

[27:41] And then I realized...

[27:41] Similar to the Stellan Skarsgård character.

[27:43] Yes.

[27:44] Because who was for years in love with Blake Lively, even though they had nothing in common,

[27:48] just because she was pretty.

[27:49] But I realized...

[27:50] I watched a lot of bad movies when I was a teenager and in college, and I realized they

[27:54] all had beautiful women in them.

[27:55] And I realized beautiful women are not a rare resource on this planet of ours.

[28:01] If there's enough of them that they can...

[28:03] That they'll take their tops off for like Roger Corman or less, then you know what?

[28:08] It's not diamonds.

[28:08] You could probably find a beautiful woman to take her top off for love.

[28:12] Exactly.

[28:12] And I did.

[28:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:14] Well, what a romantic way of putting that.

[28:16] Think about that, Dan.

[28:19] Well, all you lonely nerds out there, take Elliot's heartwarming tale to...

Elliott Kalan

[28:23] Heartwarming tale of the non-valuableness of beauty.

Dan McCoy

[28:27] Yeah.

[28:28] Of devaluing women to heart.

Elliott Kalan

[28:30] Look, all honor or gold on this earth is but dross.

[28:33] Okay.

[28:34] Have you heard the good news?

Dan McCoy

[28:36] Not all that glitters is gold.

Stuart Wellington

[28:38] I guess what I'm saying is Blake Lively was not very good.

[28:40] And the power of will is the strongest thing in the galaxy.

Dan McCoy

[28:43] I just realized, guys, this was our Gossip Girl month between this movie and the country

[28:47] song with Leighton Meester.

[28:48] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:49] A theme month.

[28:51] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[28:52] Flop house theme month.

[28:53] Gossip Girl.

[28:53] Gossip Girl December.

Elliott Kalan

[28:55] Tober.

[28:56] Gossip Girl Tober.

[28:57] Is that a show?

[28:59] When we rate this movie, it'll often be...

[29:00] It's a One Tree Hill show.

[29:01] Was this gossipingly good?

[29:03] Gurlingly bad?

[29:05] Or?

[29:05] Or gossip girlingly good bad?

[29:07] Good bad.

[29:09] Oh, man.

Dan McCoy

[29:10] It's going to be tough to pick.

[29:11] I am Gossip Girlingly the third.

Elliott Kalan

[29:13] Good day to you, sir.

Dan McCoy

[29:15] Oh, Mr. Gossip, sir.

[29:17] I guess Mr. Girlingly.

Elliott Kalan

[29:18] You may take my coat.

[29:21] Ryan Reynolds is not a movie star.

[29:24] I hate to break it to everybody.

[29:26] He is a...

[29:26] I like him sometimes because it's him in Adventureland, right?

[29:29] Yeah.

[29:29] He's very good in Adventureland in a small role, but he cannot carry a movie yet, at least.

Dan McCoy

[29:35] Yeah, no, I think that he...

[29:37] I think, you know, in time he may, but I think that right now I would rather see him in supporting roles.

[29:42] There are a lot of actors out there that have been pushed for, like, main roles that are just like, let's just punch your weight.

[29:48] Colin Farrells and whatnot.

[29:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:50] Yeah.

[29:50] You're Colin Farrells.

[29:51] You're, what, you're Jason Patricks?

[29:54] Mm-hmm.

[29:55] You're, um...

[29:57] Uh...

[29:58] Oh, well, I guess that's just those two.

[30:00] Al Pacino.

[30:01] No, he could carry a movie.

[30:03] Actually, no, he can't.

[30:05] He could at one point.

Dan McCoy

[30:06] Adam Sandler's.

[30:08] For years Brad Pitt was like that.

[30:10] He was much more fun when he showed up in smaller supporting parts.

[30:14] And then he had a lot of boring...

[30:16] He made a lot of great movies.

Elliott Kalan

[30:17] Meet Joe Black, The Mexican.

[30:18] Yep.

[30:21] Meet Joe Mexican.

[30:22] Meet Joe Mexican and Black Mexican.

[30:25] And Meet Mexi-Black.

[30:27] Meet Joe Mexican.

[30:29] I guess it would be Jose Mexican.

[30:32] I want to see Black Mexican.

[30:34] That's like a great 70s film.

[30:36] Starring Brad Pitt.

[30:39] So...

[30:39] Richard Roundtree is Black Mexican.

Stuart Wellington

[30:42] So this is, uh...

[30:44] This is the Green Lantern podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[30:45] I guess so.

[30:46] There's not a lot...

[30:47] I mean, Green Lantern is a very...

[30:48] It's like such a...

[30:49] Bleh movie.

[30:51] Like, the only word I can use to describe it is bleh.

[30:53] Like, it's just...

[30:53] But it's a...

[30:54] It's a pretty popular comic book, right?

[30:56] I don't know why.

[30:57] Green Lantern is one of the most popular superheroes right now.

[31:00] There are like four or five Green Lantern titles.

[31:02] And he has almost always been one of the most boring characters.

[31:05] He has a...

[31:06] His main character...

[31:07] His...

[31:07] Alter Ego has no personality.

[31:09] And we're probably going to lose Flophouse listeners by me saying this.

[31:11] Green Lantern fans are rabid.

[31:13] But, uh...

[31:14] They, like...

[31:15] No, no.

[31:16] Controversy will sell this podcast, Elliot.

[31:18] I...

[31:18] Well, I'm going to make this stand.

[31:19] Green Lantern is boring and stupid.

[31:21] Okay.

[31:21] And you can quote me on that.

[31:23] And...

Stuart Wellington

[31:23] Anything he imagines he can make.

Elliott Kalan

[31:25] And it's green.

[31:26] If he can dream it, it can be it.

[31:28] If he believes that he can achieve it.

[31:29] But all he imagines is, like, big boxing gloves or, like, green mousetraps or fly swatters.

[31:36] And he's just, like...

[31:38] He's not an interesting character.

Dan McCoy

[31:39] I'm going to make a plea in favor of that being awesome, which is this.

[31:44] I mean, like, I've not read Green Lantern, so, like, I'm just...

Stuart Wellington

[31:47] Maybe in execution is what ruins it.

[31:49] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[31:50] But, like, if I just hear about...

[31:52] It's a comic book about some space cops.

[31:55] Yep.

[31:56] And what they do is they have green rings that make big, goopy, green things that you fight people with.

[32:02] Like, that sounds great.

[32:03] Like, that sounds like classic DC silliness.

Elliott Kalan

[32:06] That does sound great, except it's not silly.

[32:08] It's taken super seriously.

Stuart Wellington

[32:10] Yeah.

[32:11] As this movie, I think...

Elliott Kalan

[32:12] As this movie shows.

[32:13] Like, they don't...

[32:14] The characters only very briefly act...

[32:16] They are described as space cops.

[32:18] You don't see them doing any cop stuff.

[32:20] Like, wouldn't it be great if...

[32:21] Like, pulling people over?

[32:22] Well, but if, like...

[32:23] Too fast in their spaceships?

[32:23] If Ryan Reynolds...

[32:24] Space paperwork?

[32:25] Instead of, like, some lame couple minutes of training, like, Ryan Reynolds was brought

[32:29] along with Kilowog on, like, a call to a planet that needed Green Lantern help.

[32:33] Right.

[32:34] And maybe Ryan Reynolds, through his inexperience, almost fucks it up.

[32:37] Kilowog and Sinestro have to save his bacon.

[32:39] And so there's a genuine...

[32:41] Like, you see what they do as space cops, and you're like, this is awesome.

[32:44] And it's not like pulling people over, but it's like, maybe, like, there's an earthquake

[32:47] that's pulling a planet apart.

[32:48] Some guy selling death sticks to little kids.

[32:50] Yeah, exactly.

[32:51] They gotta use their Jedi powers to make him change how he thinks about his life.

[32:54] But it's like...

Dan McCoy

[32:55] And they commiserate over some space donuts and some terrible space coffee.

[32:58] Exactly.

Elliott Kalan

[32:58] There's no...

[32:59] Perfect.

[32:59] In the space break room.

[33:01] There's no more boring scene in any movie than when, like, a council of elders convenes to discuss

[33:08] something.

[33:09] And this movie has, like, five scenes like that.

[33:12] And instead of seeing these guys in action, you'll just see them walking around talking

[33:15] about dangerous Green Lantern stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[33:17] Especially when the council of elders scene is just a bunch of, like, computer-generated

[33:22] blobheads sitting on top of sticks with long robes.

Elliott Kalan

[33:25] Yeah, it's a bunch of blue Mickey Roonies in, like, floor-length red gowns.

[33:30] Mickey Balloonies, if you will.

[33:32] Just sitting around in Stone Thrones, just looking at everyone like, hmm, uh, hmm, I disagree.

[33:37] Well, they barely talk, too.

[33:39] The human speaks the truth.

Dan McCoy

[33:39] The human.

[33:40] There's a long scene where Sinestro gives, like, this whole speech talking to them.

[33:44] And I keep expecting Sinestro to be like, uh, are you guys even listening to me?

[33:47] Because you haven't said anything this whole time.

[33:49] You're kind of...

Dan McCoy

[33:49] You're, like, two stories up.

[33:50] Can you hear me?

[33:51] Can you hear me?

[33:52] Just staring straight ahead.

[33:54] I just need, like, a uh-huh, uh-huh, a nod or something to indicate...

Elliott Kalan

[33:58] But that's the problem with the Green Lantern mythos is they spend a lot of time...

[34:02] The Green Lanterns spend a lot of time talking about how noble and great the Green Lanterns

[34:05] are, but you don't see them Green Lanterning all that much.

[34:09] And it's taken very seriously when they do silly things.

[34:13] Like, one of the best characters, one of the best Green Lantern characters, as far as I'm

[34:16] concerned, is a guy who is a dogman, who's kind of like a clumsy dogman Green Lantern.

[34:20] And, you know, they don't do much with him.

Dan McCoy

[34:23] Yeah.

[34:23] That does sound pretty great.

[34:25] Okay.

[34:25] See, because in my head, I'm kind of, like, imagining, like, you know, like, the era of

[34:30] Batmite and what they would have done with Green Lantern.

[34:32] They did, like, nothing.

[34:33] That's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[34:34] The Batmite...

[34:34] The Green Lantern kind of came after that era was at its height, I guess.

[34:39] I could be getting my ears wrong.

[34:39] Green Lantern that we're seeing here is a product of the 60s.

[34:43] Well, I guess there's Batmite stuff in the 60s.

[34:45] But the really goofy DC stuff, a lot of that's from the 50s.

[34:48] So his ring isn't magic.

[34:49] It's science.

[34:50] It's...

[34:51] Well, here's the thing.

[34:52] Your Golden Age Green Lantern, Alan Scott, had a magic ring.

[34:55] Okay.

[34:56] Then your Silver Age Green Lantern, Hal Jordan, had a space ring.

[34:59] And the one we saw is a space science ring.

[35:01] Is a science ring, yeah.

[35:02] And it's shaped like an old lantern for the Lord knows what reason.

[35:05] Because the space aliens also used railroad lanterns at some point.

[35:09] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[35:09] Well, they had the space trains.

[35:12] So they had the space trek where they go through the...

[35:14] They're all pushing west in space.

[35:16] Yeah, that's right.

Elliott Kalan

[35:17] Because there's a west in space.

Dan McCoy

[35:21] Manifest space to me.

[35:23] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[35:23] All of space will belong to us.

[35:25] They stop in the space engines.

Stuart Wellington

[35:27] They climb aboard Astro Train, the Decepticon.

Elliott Kalan

[35:31] Astro Train.

[35:31] Yeah, they drive a golden spike into space that's connecting the Pacific and Atlantic space roads.

[35:37] Read your space history, guys.

[35:39] So the movie just takes itself too seriously when it's about a guy with a magic green thing that makes other green things.

[35:46] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[35:47] Well, I think we can wrap it up.

[35:48] Magic green things.

[35:50] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[35:51] I like that.

[35:51] How much better would it have been to have a climax that actually involved Hal Jordan doing something that nobody else could do?

[36:00] Like flying a plane?

[36:01] Yeah, maybe like...

[36:02] Throw somebody in the sun?

[36:03] Like they briefly...

[36:03] He briefly makes green planes, but he doesn't really do much with them.

[36:07] Yeah.

[36:07] Like he just throws a guy into a sun.

Dan McCoy

[36:11] Not a sun.

[36:12] The sun.

[36:13] No, there's more than one sun.

[36:14] I know there's more than one sun, but...

[36:15] My three suns.

[36:18] So let's...

[36:20] On that note, let's give our final judgment for the movie.

[36:24] Now was it gossip-girlingly good?

Elliott Kalan

[36:27] Dan, what are the categories?

[36:28] Final judgments.

Dan McCoy

[36:29] Final judgments.

[36:30] Was this a good-bad movie, a bad-bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

[36:34] Stuart, I'll go to you.

Stuart Wellington

[36:37] I'm going to go bad-bad, actually.

[36:40] For a superhero movie, it was shockingly boring, and not that much stuff happened in a two-hour movie that seemed to not really pause for breath except to lie around and argue about stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[36:53] Yeah, the characters did a lot of lying around or sitting around.

[36:57] I'm going to shock everyone.

Dan McCoy

[36:59] I'm going to make...

[37:00] It is shocktober.

[37:00] I'm going to...

[37:01] It is not shocktober.

[37:02] Shock-cember.

[37:03] Yeah.

[37:04] I'm going to give this a marginal.

[37:07] I kind of liked it.

Elliott Kalan

[37:08] Really?

[37:09] Yeah, I did.

[37:09] You really didn't stand up and defend it during the discussion?

[37:11] Well, I mean...

[37:12] You have failed, Green Lantern.

Stuart Wellington

[37:13] Are you talking about the parts that you saw when you weren't going down to check your mail or by Sonic the Hedgehog?

[37:20] Because those parts...

[37:21] Sure, if I only saw those things.

Dan McCoy

[37:22] It was five minutes at least.

[37:24] Or at most.

[37:26] No, here's the thing.

[37:27] I wasn't as bored by it as you guys were until the last 30 minutes.

[37:33] We didn't stop it.

Elliott Kalan

[37:35] There's a scene where Ryan Reynolds is like, I can't do this.

[37:37] And Blake Lively says, you have to.

[37:39] And I'm like, this is taking forever.

[37:40] And Dan goes, well, the movie's almost over.

[37:41] We've only got...

[37:42] Pause this movie.

[37:43] He sees there's 25 minutes left.

[37:44] He goes, oh, man.

[37:46] Luckily, like 10 of those were credits.

[37:49] There was a lot of credits.

Dan McCoy

[37:50] But I liked watching a lot of the silliness of it.

[37:55] Just like the goofy monster Green Lantern Corps goofing around.

[37:59] They barely goofed around.

Elliott Kalan

[38:01] They mainly just stood around and put their rings in the air and made light come out of their rings.

Dan McCoy

[38:05] I liked the fact that because it was a good director, like shooting a shitty script,

[38:11] like it had all these script problems, but at least the actual...

[38:17] I feel like he was doing as much as he could with it to move it along and make it comprehensible.

Stuart Wellington

[38:21] And you got to see Tim Robbins look around frantically before being set on fire.

Elliott Kalan

[38:25] That is...

[38:26] Like I said, it's worth it for the moment where Tim Robbins, you know, had to act being levitating, looking around scared.

Dan McCoy

[38:33] No, I would not go so far as to recommend this to people, but...

[38:36] You just did.

[38:37] If it was...

[38:37] You called it your pick of the year.

[38:40] You put it in your flop 10.

[38:41] If I had paid for it, I would have been furious.

[38:43] But if it came on HBO, a service that I had already paid for...

[38:48] You're giving a green light to Green Lantern.

[38:51] Oh!

[38:55] What did you just copyright?

[38:57] The year?

[38:58] My thing.

[38:58] The thing I just did.

Elliott Kalan

[38:59] You can't copyright...

[39:01] What was that?

[39:01] A blurb?

[39:02] Yeah.

[39:03] I understand.

[39:04] What are you going to do with that?

[39:05] Put it on t-shirts?

[39:06] Yeah.

[39:07] Posters.

Dan McCoy

[39:08] I can copyright it.

[39:09] I mean, it's useless to copyright.

[39:09] It's not even yours.

[39:10] Stuart said it.

[39:11] He can copyright it.

[39:13] Nope.

[39:14] I swooped in and I copyrighted it.

[39:15] Oh, I didn't know you could just do that.

Stuart Wellington

[39:18] Yep.

[39:19] It's a new takesies-backsies policy around here.

[39:21] Oh.

[39:21] Elliot.

[39:22] So you're probably going to shock us all and say...

Elliott Kalan

[39:25] I'm going to shock everybody and say, I thought it was a bad, bad movie.

[39:28] This is not the worst movie we've seen.

[39:30] Like, if it came on television and you're sick at home from work and you've got nothing

[39:34] to do and you're not really expecting much, then go ahead.

[39:38] Watch Green Lantern on TV.

[39:39] Now, all the...

[39:40] Waste your time.

[39:40] All the naysayers...

[39:41] Basically, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[39:41] All the naysayers on the internet are going to say, this is just because you write for

[39:45] Marvel and this is a Marvel DC thing, right?

Elliott Kalan

[39:47] I am a Marvel zombie.

[39:48] The House of Ideas is my home and DC is the distinguished competition, yes, but it's also

[39:53] brand eh.

[39:53] Those are all Marvel references.

[39:55] But the...

[39:56] It's just like, if your life is seeking out things that you're going to enjoy and trying

[40:01] new things and making the most of every moment, don't watch Green Lantern.

[40:05] But if you're just sitting around waiting for death to save you from the endless monotony

[40:09] of time, go ahead.

[40:11] Watch Green Lantern.

[40:13] That's the highest recommendation I can give it.

Dan McCoy

[40:18] So, Dan?

[40:20] Fair enough.

[40:21] I'm going to go on to letters.

[40:24] Yay!

[40:25] This one's titled, Hey Floppers.

[40:26] It's from...

[40:28] Street.

[40:29] Efren.

[40:29] Last name with hell.

[40:30] Nora Efren.

[40:31] And it says, regarding the Floppers' respective popularity, I've noticed that Dan, Stewart's,

[40:38] and Elliot's popularity is inversely proportional with the amount of episodes they've appeared

[40:42] in.

[40:43] What?

[40:43] Maybe Dan should take a break?

[40:45] Or just let his alter ego, the Flophouse house cat, that's not my opinion.

[40:48] That is a really sneaky way to get Dan to take an episode off.

[40:53] Also, it's very insulting.

[40:55] He's basically just saying outright that he hates me.

[40:58] I mean, he's not outright.

[40:59] It's pretty roundabout.

Elliott Kalan

[41:00] Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

[41:01] So, you need to take a hike.

[41:03] It's hard for people to like you when you're right there.

Dan McCoy

[41:05] Well, I control all of the equipment, so that's not going to happen.

Elliott Kalan

[41:08] We actually can't do an episode when Dan's not available yet, because he owns the mixing

[41:12] board and the computer, and he knows how to work everything.

Dan McCoy

[41:15] But he goes on to say...

[41:16] Mistakes.

Elliott Kalan

[41:16] You know, ignore those.

Dan McCoy

[41:19] Second, I live in Southern California, the podcast mecca.

[41:22] Maybe what's needed to ignite some interest in the Flophouse is a good old-fashioned East

[41:26] Coast-West Coast rivalry.

[41:28] Uh-oh.

[41:28] Now, here we've got WTF, Adam Carolla, Nerdist, and Earwolf.

[41:32] While daunting, the relative dearth of a New York-based podcast places you in an underdog

[41:36] position.

[41:37] Hey, what about a Flophouse Mike and Tommy eat snacks team-up?

[41:40] I don't know what that is.

[41:40] Yeah, I've not...

[41:41] Is that a podcast?

[41:42] I assume.

Elliott Kalan

[41:42] I don't really follow podcasts.

[41:44] I don't have time...

[41:45] I don't have the time to seek out new things, which is why I'm mad I wasted two hours watching

[41:49] Yeah.

[41:50] But I think, uh...

Dan McCoy

[41:52] I think, uh, you know, an East Coast-West Coast rivalry could, uh...

[41:55] Hey.

[41:56] Pop up the numbers.

[41:56] I mean, at least until LA gets shot.

[41:58] Or let's try something new.

Elliott Kalan

[41:59] Drive-by.

[42:00] One, I'd rather not be shot in a drive-by.

[42:02] No.

[42:02] Uh, but two, hey, why not an East Coast-West Coast cooperation?

[42:06] Oh.

[42:06] Does everything have to be competition?

[42:08] Okay.

[42:08] Let's work together for everyone's benefit.

[42:10] Yeah.

[42:10] So, find...

[42:11] Somebody out in the West Coast, find a podcast there, and, uh...

[42:15] Tell them to promote us.

[42:17] Tell them to...

Stuart Wellington

[42:17] And we promise we will totally do the same thing.

Elliott Kalan

[42:19] Exactly.

[42:20] There you go.

[42:20] Yeah.

[42:21] Oh, I thought they were just gonna, like, send each other cupcakes or something.

[42:23] I'm calling it...

[42:24] Cupcakes may be involved as well.

[42:25] I'm calling it...

[42:26] You're the baker.

[42:27] ...pods across America.

Dan McCoy

[42:29] I like it.

[42:29] I don't know if that's gonna catch on.

Elliott Kalan

[42:31] It already has.

[42:31] Look outside.

[42:32] Stuart looks out window.

[42:33] People are holding signs reading Pods Across America.

[42:36] A Pods Across America parade is going down the street.

[42:38] We did it!

Dan McCoy

[42:41] Oh, he has a PS.

[42:42] Have you tried underwater sex yet?

[42:45] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[42:47] So, he's the guy who runs AquaFan.

Dan McCoy

[42:49] I guess.

[42:50] I guess.

[42:51] That's a deep Flophouse cut.

[42:52] It's a super deep cut.

[42:53] That's an old one.

[42:54] This is titled Dance Hook.

[42:57] It's from Brian, last name withheld.

[42:58] Okay.

[42:59] A little late, but that's okay.

[43:00] I'm gonna assume it's Brian Lehrer.

[43:01] Dear...

[43:02] Yes.

[43:04] It's New York Public Radio's Brian Lehrer writing in.

[43:07] Dear Flophouse, I've been thinking about Dan's predicament of lacking a hook, and I believe I have a rather simple solution.

[43:14] Dan needs his own take on movie recommendations.

[43:17] Hmm.

[43:17] While Stuart offers from his 1980s horror rotation, and Elliot has his classics of the 30s, Dan insists on giving a wide range of different movies suggesting a fully rounded personality.

[43:27] Hey, wait a minute.

[43:28] Elliot's recommendations, on the other hand, points out his love of old-timey comedy bits, and Stuart's 80s gorefest pics show off his mixture of whimsy and irony.

[43:37] I recommend new movies all the time.

[43:38] Dan could create his own personality through idiosyncratic suggestions, like only recommending Korean action movies or 1950s musicals.

[43:47] I don't want to stifle Dan's creativity here, but the best hook might just be having a detailed recommendation philosophy and building off of that.

Elliott Kalan

[43:56] That's not a bad idea.

[43:57] Right now, Dan's hook could be that he's sitting on an exercise ball.

[44:00] He's the only podcast host.

[44:02] Maybe my hook will be that I have a strong core.

Dan McCoy

[44:05] His hook, yeah, is the strength of your core.

[44:07] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[44:08] Well, I'm going to tighten up.

[44:10] So, Dan, what's your new hook, your recommendation philosophy going to be?

Dan McCoy

[44:18] I'm going to recommend only public service announcements.

[44:22] It's not really movies.

[44:23] Yep.

[44:23] The 1970s.

Stuart Wellington

[44:24] That falls within the purview of the podcast.

Dan McCoy

[44:26] Are those available for people to watch?

Stuart Wellington

[44:28] Probably on YouTube.

[44:30] Probably on YouTube.

Dan McCoy

[44:33] I also have no special knowledge of the genre.

Elliott Kalan

[44:37] Yeah, Dan's new hook is the guy who doesn't do research and doesn't know what he's talking about.

[44:40] Doesn't read the letters beforehand.

[44:42] Thank you to everyone who's written in so far.

[44:44] Yeah.

[44:45] I feel like I've been told by listeners that we don't thank people enough for writing in.

Dan McCoy

[44:50] We've been told by two specific listeners.

[44:52] Yeah.

[44:52] So let's keep reading the letters, shall we?

[44:54] Thank you again.

[44:55] Personal friends.

[44:58] This is titled, Is That a Bit?

[45:01] From Travis, last name withheld.

[45:03] Travis Bickle.

[45:03] It is, yes.

[45:05] Having listened to the majority of your back catalog, I've noticed a reoccurring theme.

[45:10] When Elliot recaps movies, he often stops and asks, should I give away the ending?

[45:15] This question is usually followed by a millisecond long pause before inevitably revealing the climax.

[45:20] At first, I thought maybe he felt a little remorse about spoiling these movies.

[45:24] But then I realized he secretly loves it.

[45:26] When he first guested on the podcast, he was somewhat timid and reserved.

[45:30] Over time, his recapping progressed from quietly confident to maniacally irresponsible.

[45:35] It has been fascinating and tragic to listen to Elliot's decline into madness, and I eagerly await the episode one day when he will finally embrace his destiny as supervillain, the ruiner.

[45:45] This is one example.

[45:46] Not even just the contest ruiner, the ruiner.

Stuart Wellington

[45:48] Yep.

[45:48] Now, would your head get really bulbous, you think?

[45:50] It would have to be.

[45:51] That would ruin my hair.

Dan McCoy

[45:52] The ruiner of things.

[45:55] Actually, I'm going to skip ahead to the PS.

[45:57] What, are you not going to read the rest of the letter?

[46:00] Since you're too modest to do it yourself, I'd like to remind anybody who enjoys the show to donate so we can help keep the lights on and the reggae tone out.

[46:08] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[46:09] Thank you very much for that, Travis.

[46:10] Hey, thanks.

[46:11] Remember to, yeah, listen to Travis and donate so that Dan can afford to do this.

[46:17] Well, I mean, now I can.

[46:18] I used to not be able to.

[46:19] Shh, we're going to get some money out of this.

[46:20] Okay.

[46:21] And remember to take a look at the Flophouse wiki also and help them update and fill out that, because there's a lot of episodes that still need our stupid movie pitches described in text.

Stuart Wellington

[46:34] Yep.

[46:34] Elliot needs to be reminded of all of his great ideas.

Elliott Kalan

[46:37] Yeah, because there's already a lot.

[46:38] I totally had forgotten about Million Dollar Getaway until the entry for it showed up on the Flophouse wiki, and now I remember how good it was.

[46:46] Yeah.

[46:46] And my offer to Hollywood still stands $700,000 for that idea.

Dan McCoy

[46:51] Very reasonable.

[46:52] It's a very reasonable price.

Stuart Wellington

[46:54] Yeah, for a blockbuster.

Dan McCoy

[46:57] And this last letter is titled Origin Stories of Friendship.

[47:04] Oh, weird.

[47:04] Matt, first name withheld, Siegel.

Elliott Kalan

[47:08] Wait, what?

[47:09] Hold on.

Dan McCoy

[47:10] You told us the first name.

[47:13] Oh, God.

[47:13] I fucked it up, guys.

[47:15] Don't worry.

[47:15] We'll fix it in post.

[47:16] Yeah.

[47:17] So, he says, I was wondering if you guys had ever talked about how you all met.

[47:23] Well, I mean, we've talked about it.

Elliott Kalan

[47:24] Have we?

[47:24] With each other.

[47:25] Yeah.

[47:26] We've told, like I told my wife the other day, was like, how do you know Dan and Stuart again?

[47:30] Uh-huh.

[47:30] But, anyway.

[47:33] Why have they been in my apartment?

Dan McCoy

[47:34] Why do I know them?

[47:36] I think I remember Dan saying that he and Stuart went to the same college.

[47:40] But I've only ever heard Elliot referred to as a friend with no indication of whether you guys have been friends since time immemorial, a la the Muppet Babies.

[47:48] Or just recently met.

[47:49] Nanny did raise all of us.

[47:51] Or some.

[47:52] You'd be gonzo.

[47:52] Or some situation in between.

[47:55] Maybe I missed an episode where you explained it, but if not, I'm always interested in hearing about origin stories.

[48:00] Plus, it would be really helpful to have an episode to cite when writing the flopper history page on the wiki.

[48:06] Also, I want to know how to make friends, so any insight there would be great.

[48:10] But you came to the wrong place.

Elliott Kalan

[48:12] It's true that you and Stuart both went to FU, where you majored in boobs.

[48:16] Yep.

[48:17] And where did you guys meet again?

Dan McCoy

[48:21] Well, we both went to Earlham College, but we weren't.

[48:24] I don't know that we knew each other during that time, actually.

Stuart Wellington

[48:27] Yeah, we actually both did competing comic strips for the local school newspaper.

[48:34] But we didn't.

[48:35] It's the local school newspaper.

[48:37] It's the local school.

[48:38] It's the national school newspaper.

[48:40] For Earlham College, yeah.

[48:43] And, no, but, you know, Dan was into theater stuff.

[48:48] You were into being cool.

[48:49] Yeah, I was a cool guy.

Elliott Kalan

[48:51] See, I imagined you guys as roommates, Dan being the nerdy brain, and Stuart being the party-hard party animal.

[48:56] Well, that was his other roommate.

Dan McCoy

[48:58] My roommate, Bill Hickey, who was a party-hardy gentleman, was very good friends with Stuart.

[49:02] And I feel like, in a large way, that's kind of the link, is we were both friends with Bill.

[49:08] And then, once we were both living in New York.

Stuart Wellington

[49:11] Radio host Bill Hickey.

Dan McCoy

[49:13] Yeah.

[49:14] Of the river in Boston.

[49:16] But we became better friends.

[49:17] You don't listen to the radio?

Elliott Kalan

[49:18] I don't listen to Boston radio.

[49:20] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[49:20] Now, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[49:22] Now, my origin story is I was bitten by a radioactive know-it-all.

[49:25] Okay.

[49:26] And given the power to talk too much.

[49:29] But Dan and I met through the comedy theater that was being run by our mutual friend, Eric Marsizak.

[49:36] There used to be a comedy theater in the city that he ran, first called Above Kleptomania.

[49:41] First it was called Above Kleptomania.

Dan McCoy

[49:43] And it was above a sex store.

Elliott Kalan

[49:45] It was above Show World.

[49:45] It was in Show World, which no longer exists in New York.

[49:48] It's now the Laugh Factory.

[49:49] But Playland, I think it's called, which is right next to Show World, still exists.

[49:54] So, if you want to know where we were performing comedy, just walk in there and you'll see that it's...

[49:59] At the time, I think it was 25 cents for a minute of video.

[50:03] That's a pretty good price.

[50:04] They had, like, the upstairs was decorated with, like, ceramic clowns.

[50:07] It was very weird.

[50:08] But we were literally...

[50:09] It was a circus-themed strip club.

Dan McCoy

[50:10] We were literally performing upstairs in a sex shop and a place that had, like, viewing booths, like, live sex...

[50:17] And, uh...

[50:18] Well, not, like, live sex shows, but, like, I think that there were strippers in there.

[50:20] Strippers, not live sex shows.

[50:21] Yeah.

[50:21] Which isn't Tijuana.

[50:22] No, I know.

[50:23] Come on.

[50:23] But you would go upstairs and the stage that we're performing on was clearly a stage that used to be used for stripping.

Elliott Kalan

[50:29] Yeah.

[50:30] There's a lot of mirrors all over the stage and no pole, but you could tell there were probably

[50:34] was a pole there at some point.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] And when we were doing comedy shows, like, you could see that every once in a while men would come upstairs, like, thinking that there was going to be some sort of sex thing upstairs.

Elliott Kalan

[50:42] And they'd sit in there and watch for a couple minutes and then get up and leave.

[50:45] Yeah.

[50:45] And, uh...

[50:46] You mean they weren't satisfied by your comedy, guys?

[50:48] No, not by our avant-garde sketch comedy that we were doing at the time.

[50:51] I mean, if you have a boner, comedy doesn't really do much about that.

[50:55] Well, some sexy comedy.

[50:56] Yeah.

[50:57] Ooh.

[50:58] But, uh...

[50:58] But we didn't really meet when we were...

[51:00] We didn't get to know each other that much when it was at Show World.

[51:03] No.

[51:04] Later, Eric had a different theater space that was a basement theater underneath what's now the Gene Frankel...

[51:10] Well, at the time was the Gene Frankel Theater, which still exists.

[51:13] And he ran a space called Juvie Hall down there.

[51:15] And we all performed there.

[51:17] Mm-hmm.

[51:17] And I remember very well...

[51:18] Various shows.

[51:19] I remember very well...

[51:20] The first conversation I can really remember having with Dan was when we were helping Eric paint the entire theater and lobby space black with, like, rollers.

[51:29] Just, like, painting the ceilings, floors, walls, everything with black paint.

[51:33] So...

[51:33] Yeah.

[51:34] That was...

[51:35] That's the...

[51:35] That would be, like, five minutes into the movie of the Flophouse...

[51:39] No, actually, the Flophouse story, the first five minutes would be Dan and Stuart at college.

[51:43] Partying.

[51:43] Then the next...

[51:44] Then you'd have about ten minutes of them to New York.

[51:46] A couple montages.

[51:46] Then I'd come in 15 minutes in with the painting scene.

[51:49] And then by the...

Dan McCoy

[51:50] And then later on I'd be writing for your stage show.

[51:53] Oh, yeah, that's right.

Elliott Kalan

[51:54] Dan was a writer for my stage show that I used to do, the new Kalen show.

[51:58] I saw you down in...

[51:59] Which replaced the Midnight Kalen.

[52:00] I saw a couple of those.

[52:01] Yeah, I used to do a show called the Midnight Kalen.

[52:03] And then it moved into...

[52:05] Primetime.

[52:06] Primetime.

[52:06] It became the Primetime Kalen and then the new Kalen show.

Dan McCoy

[52:09] I saw when you had...

[52:10] Really banking off of the name recognition that you'd fostered.

Elliott Kalan

[52:14] Well, my ego at the time was very big.

[52:17] And that was the show at first where my only promise to Eric was, I promise I will do the

[52:23] show if I never have to prepare material ahead of time.

[52:26] But then when it became the new Kalen show, we wrote for it and Dan had a segment that

[52:29] I insisted he called the real McCoy even though he hated that.

[52:34] Memories.

[52:35] Oh, but I was going to say, in the Flophouse movie by the 30 minute mark, Stewart's video

[52:39] game has been swapped out with one that has a chip that the Soviets are after.

[52:42] Okay.

[52:43] And so of course spies are chasing us and we have to go to Europe and so forth.

[52:46] Like we did in real life.

[52:47] Exactly, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[52:49] And then Dabney Coleman shows up and saves the day?

Elliott Kalan

[52:51] Well, he tries to save the day and we save him.

Dan McCoy

[52:53] Okay.

[52:54] Yeah.

[52:55] So guys...

Elliott Kalan

[52:56] But like a father figure though, right?

[52:58] But like a mean father figure.

[52:59] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[53:00] At this point we should really plug our live show.

[53:03] That's for sure.

Elliott Kalan

[53:04] Let's skip the regular recommendations and plug the live show.

[53:06] So now that you're all bored about our history.

[53:08] Yeah.

[53:09] Let's talk about...

[53:09] Come see our future.

[53:10] We're doing another show.

[53:12] You may have noticed on the website that we've got another live screening coming up.

[53:15] Our last one where we watched the movie Twin Sitters was an unqualified success.

[53:19] Yeah.

[53:19] Total success.

[53:21] Everybody loved it.

[53:22] Almost sold out.

[53:23] Almost.

[53:23] Let's just say sold out.

[53:24] Yeah, sure.

[53:25] Why not?

[53:25] We'll lie to you.

[53:26] Sold out.

[53:26] Margin of error it was sold out.

[53:28] And we've got another screening coming up.

[53:30] January 20th at 8 p.m.

[53:32] Yeah.

[53:33] Yeah.

[53:33] At 92 Y Tribeca in Manhattan, New York City, America, Earth, Milky Way Galaxy.

[53:40] And we're going to be showing the movie 12 Rounds starring John Cena.

[53:44] And we just watched it again Sunday.

[53:47] The two days before this to...

[53:49] To confirm it was as stupid as we remembered.

[53:51] And it was even stupider.

[53:52] It is a really ridiculously silly movie.

[53:55] And we're going to be providing live commentary.

[53:58] Mm-hmm.

[53:58] And there's going to be some presentation, informational presentations by Matt Carman and Ksenia Yerosh of I Love Bad Movies who are producing the show.

Dan McCoy

[54:07] Yeah.

[54:07] Our...

[54:08] I like to think of them as our sister publication.

[54:12] They do a zine.

[54:13] Mm-hmm.

[54:13] About bad movies.

[54:14] Called I Love Bad Movies.

Stuart Wellington

[54:15] And then we'll do some kind of intermission.

[54:18] Maybe a raffle.

[54:19] Who knows?

[54:20] Well, I don't know.

[54:20] I don't know why the raffle.

[54:21] I don't know if we should promise a raffle.

[54:21] I'll pull out a t-shirt cannon.

Elliott Kalan

[54:23] At the last screening, we did interview our wives to find out how they were enjoying the movie.

[54:28] We're not going to be doing that this time.

Dan McCoy

[54:29] At this screening, our wives are very happy to know that their presence is not required.

[54:33] Yeah.

[54:33] My wife has asked me several times, I don't have to be at this thing, right?

Elliott Kalan

[54:37] I mean, you know, they may show up.

[54:38] They may not.

[54:39] But...

[54:40] My wife won't.

[54:41] You're hoping to catch a glimpse of her.

[54:43] No.

[54:44] She's as elusive as Sasquatch.

[54:46] Yeah.

[54:47] But January 20th...

[54:48] Far more beautiful.

[54:49] Yes.

[54:49] Thank you, Stuart.

[54:51] It's implied.

[54:53] January 20th...

Dan McCoy

[54:54] Danielle, did you hear on the latest podcast, Elliot compared you to Sasquatch?

[54:58] She doesn't listen to this.

Elliott Kalan

[54:59] January 20th, 92i Tribeca.

[55:02] And it's on their website, 92itribeca.org.

[55:04] So you can buy tickets now.

[55:07] Yeah.

[55:07] Do it now.

[55:07] Wait.

Stuart Wellington

[55:07] So I could go on the...

Elliott Kalan

[55:09] While I'm listening to this podcast, on my podcast machine.

[55:11] You could type internet into your computer.

[55:13] Type internet flop house Stuart.

[55:15] And you'll have already purchased a ticket.

[55:19] It's that easy.

[55:21] January 20th.

[55:22] 12 rounds.

Dan McCoy

[55:23] Yeah.

[55:23] Links...

[55:23] I mean, if we're talking too quickly, as Elliot is wont to do...

[55:28] If you think I'm talking too quickly, just get faster ears, man.

[55:31] Links to all of this will be...

[55:34] I'm not slowing down.

[55:35] I'm limitless.

[55:36] www.flophousepodcast.com

[55:39] .limitless.

Stuart Wellington

[55:41] So, we...

[55:43] What else?

[55:43] Don't you have another screening coming up or something?

Elliott Kalan

[55:46] Oh, I do.

[55:47] Well, my regular monthly screening series is also at 92i Tribeca.

[55:51] And our first one of 2012 will be on January 4th at 7.30 p.m.

[55:55] It's a Wednesday.

[55:56] We're showing The Beguiled with Clint Eastwood.

Dan McCoy

[55:59] A Stuart Wellington recommendation from a few years back.

Elliott Kalan

[56:02] Stuart Wellington put his personal stamp of approval, which I think is in the shape of a penis, on this movie.

[56:08] It's really good.

[56:09] Did you ever get that ink off of your penis, by the way, Stuart?

[56:11] No, I did not.

[56:12] So, that's two screenings you should go to next month.

[56:15] The Beguiled, January 4th, for a good movie.

[56:17] I shouldn't have used red ink.

[56:18] It scares the shit out of my wife.

[56:19] But even more importantly, January 20th, 12 rounds with the Flophouse crew.

[56:23] Yep.

[56:24] Which is us.

Dan McCoy

[56:25] And now, all that's left is to wish you floppy holidays.

[56:30] It sounds horrible.

[56:31] From the Flophouse.

[56:33] God rest your marriage.

Elliott Kalan

[56:35] Guys, why aren't you singing?

[56:36] Cut it.

[56:37] Yeah, no.

Stuart Wellington

[56:37] This is going to get edited out, right?

Elliott Kalan

[56:39] I assume so, yeah.

[56:40] Okay.

[56:40] Happy floppy holidays.

[56:41] What is it?

Stuart Wellington

[56:42] Maybe if I just say um or cough a bunch, we'll have to edit it out.

Dan McCoy

[56:45] Yeah.

[56:46] Nope.

[56:47] It hasn't happened before.

[56:49] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[56:51] So, floppy holidays and a floppy new year.

[56:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[56:54] Not sure when we will be with you again next and maybe a little later because of the holidays.

[56:59] May not.

[57:01] Who knows?

Stuart Wellington

[57:02] It's question mark.

[57:03] The mystery of life.

[57:03] Who knows what the new year will bring for all of us.

[57:06] Right, guys?

[57:08] You're getting really weird.

[57:09] We shouldn't do this in the afternoon anymore.

Dan McCoy

[57:11] It should only be at night.

[57:11] And we got to do it at night when Dan's too tired to be weird.

[57:15] All right.

[57:15] Well, for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[57:18] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[57:19] And I will continue to be Elliot Kalin.

[57:21] See you guys later.

[57:22] It's creepy.

[57:32] You're basing him just on how people play with him in Marvel vs. Capcom.

[57:43] I mean, it's...

[57:44] I'm a side guy.

[57:44] That's what I say about Magneto.

Dan McCoy

[57:46] Pick a fucking side.

Stuart Wellington

[57:47] Stop spamming your projectile attack.

The Flop House: Episode #93 - Green Lantern

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