The Flop House: Episode #96 - Trespass

Dan McCoy

[0:00] We can keep this up as long as you can, Nicolas Cage.

[0:04] On this episode, we discuss Trespass.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:38] And I'm Jubin Parang.

[0:39] That's right. Stuart is visiting his family in Fort Wayne for a late Christmas, as I understand it.

Elliott Kalan

[0:46] Well, since, as we established in the last episode, he worships Krom, Kromian Christmas is actually in late January.

Dan McCoy

[0:52] Oh, that's Kromian Reform Christmas.

Elliott Kalan

[0:54] Yeah, Orthodox Krom Christmas is December 25th.

Dan McCoy

[0:57] But Jubin is one of our co-workers at The Daily Show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02] A writer at The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. What is that exactly?

Zhubin Parang

[1:06] It is a topical comedy show that makes light of the foibles of modern day politicians and the media that covers them.

[1:12] It's a great show.

[1:13] I'm sleeping already.

[1:14] I would encourage you guys to check it out. It's funnier than I made it sound.

[1:16] I would encourage you guys to check it out. It's a really good, you know, I mean, we have fun, you know.

[1:21] I think you mostly will enjoy how much fun we have.

Dan McCoy

[1:24] Okay, that sounds fair, I guess.

[1:27] That's where the comedy comes from.

[1:28] Jubin started on the same day that I started.

[1:32] Yes.

[1:32] Although hired before me.

[1:34] Well, we won't get into that.

Zhubin Parang

[1:36] But...

[1:36] What?

[1:37] Oh, you know what? Is that... Oh, really?

Elliott Kalan

[1:40] Dan's always held that against you, and in fact, this inviting you onto the podcast was an elaborate prank to get even.

[1:46] An airing of grievances.

[1:47] But I convinced Dan not to fill a bucket with pig's blood and dump it on your head.

Zhubin Parang

[1:52] No, I want it. I want it. Let's get it out. Let's clear the air publicly.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] No, I don't think we need that.

Zhubin Parang

[1:56] I would like to be...

[1:57] Let the healing begin.

[1:58] I would like to be the first step of the podcast evolution towards more of a grievance of airs.

[2:02] What?

[2:03] Earring grievances.

[2:03] Grievance of airs.

[2:04] Yeah, that's awesome.

[2:04] And a grievance of airs.

Dan McCoy

[2:05] Shakespeare's grievance of airs.

[2:07] Let the healing begin by smothering Juven in pig's blood.

Zhubin Parang

[2:11] I was actually very glad that we started together, that we had...

[2:15] Because I definitely had someone who was also thrown into the fire.

Elliott Kalan

[2:20] And I was glad because it was two more people who were junior to me at the show.

[2:23] You already had three people junior to me.

[2:26] Yeah, but five is even better.

[2:28] That's true. Yeah, it's always better to just keep rising.

[2:29] You're like an old man.

[2:30] I became an old writing hand, and now I can haze you guys.

[2:34] Speaking of which, go do some push-ups in your own vomit.

[2:37] Oh, God.

[2:37] You have to, because I've been at my job longer than you have.

[2:40] Every three hours.

[2:43] Every three hours.

[2:44] I call them up in the middle of the night and wake them up and make them do vomit push-ups.

Dan McCoy

[2:46] I mean, the thing is, my stomach is empty by now, is the thing.

[2:49] You've got to make sure to eat a big dinner.

Elliott Kalan

[2:51] I'm just throwing a blood in.

Zhubin Parang

[2:53] You're going to take us out to dinner?

[2:55] No.

[2:55] Oh.

[2:56] I'll get away with this from the hazing.

[2:58] It's hazing.

[2:59] I was in a fraternity in college that technically was not allowed to haze, and did not physically

[3:05] haze, but psychologically hazed very well.

[3:09] Yeah.

[3:09] And they use a lot of deception, a lot of sudden surprises.

[3:14] That turned out like...

[3:16] Sudden surprises.

[3:17] I wonder what it is.

[3:17] It wasn't those two, the surprises they warned you about.

Dan McCoy

[3:20] Yeah.

[3:21] I'm going to jump out of these bushes at you.

[3:22] No, but I'm just imagining you...

[3:24] In three, two, and I'm jumping out now.

[3:27] I'm surprised, but not suddenly surprised.

[3:29] I just imagine the hazing being like, you open your door and you find a big bouquet of

[3:33] balloons.

[3:34] Yeah.

[3:35] Like, where did these come from?

[3:36] This is sudden.

Zhubin Parang

[3:37] No, it was a lot.

[3:38] It wasn't any...

[3:39] It was the kind of thing that looking back on it, which I assume is not the case of physical

[3:42] hazing, but looking back on it, you're like, that was pretty clever and smart putting

[3:46] me through that emotional turmoil, and I don't feel any problem doing it in the next class.

[3:50] But, you know, physical hazing, I wouldn't think that, you know, quite so much.

[3:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:54] You'd feel it.

[3:55] Yeah, I'd feel it.

[3:56] Yeah.

[3:56] Nothing that leaves scars.

[3:57] Nothing that leaves scars.

[3:58] Like, just like, maybe like a rubber hose or some oranges.

[4:01] Yeah, rubber pantyhose or...

[4:02] More pantyhose.

Elliott Kalan

[4:03] Eating oranges.

[4:04] Gross.

Zhubin Parang

[4:05] That was most of what the hazing was.

[4:07] It was eating like a lot of oranges.

Elliott Kalan

[4:09] Just making sure you didn't get scurvy.

[4:10] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[4:10] Orange is supposed to say fraternity and not a pirate ship.

Zhubin Parang

[4:13] I might have just joined an orange club.

[4:15] I might have just visited Florida.

Dan McCoy

[4:18] I thought that was four years of fraternity is what I thought.

[4:21] So this one's called a navel?

[4:23] Yeah.

[4:24] A navel orange?

[4:25] Oh, this is a blood orange.

Elliott Kalan

[4:27] Hmm.

[4:27] No, that means it was oppression and exploitation.

[4:31] Like that movie Blood Orange with Leonardo DiCaprio.

[4:34] Yeah.

[4:35] These oranges were mined in Africa.

Zhubin Parang

[4:37] They're really called conflict oranges now.

[4:38] They don't want to...

[4:40] Yeah, that's way better.

[4:41] Yeah, yeah.

[4:42] They're euphemized.

[4:42] That's actually funny.

Elliott Kalan

[4:43] I never thought about...

[4:44] Because the reason they call them blood diamonds is so people stop buying them.

[4:47] Let's...

[4:48] Look, business is really going down with the blood diamonds.

[4:50] Let's just call them conflict diamonds.

Dan McCoy

[4:52] Yeah, conflict diamonds are...

[4:53] You know, they just argued over these diamonds.

Elliott Kalan

[4:56] Speaking of arguing over diamonds...

[4:57] Well, actually, we should get to that.

[4:58] Oh, yeah.

[4:59] Well, no.

[4:59] That was a good segue to the movie.

[5:00] But first, we should thank everyone who came out to our 12-round screening on Friday,

[5:04] January 20th.

[5:05] Jubin.

[5:06] Jubin wasn't there.

[5:07] I did not.

[5:07] I was busy.

[5:07] Doesn't care enough about the podcast.

[5:08] Did not care.

[5:09] But we had a sold-out crowd, a lot of great fans.

[5:12] It was a really fun night.

[5:13] I hope everyone who came had a good time.

[5:14] We had people from all over the country and otherwise.

[5:17] Two guys...

[5:17] From out of the country.

[5:18] From out of the country.

[5:19] Toronto.

[5:20] Two guys took a bus down from Boston just for the screening and then took the bus back

Dan McCoy

[5:25] that night.

[5:26] There's a woman from Cincinnati.

[5:28] Not John from Cincinnati.

[5:30] A lady from Cincinnati.

Elliott Kalan

[5:31] Well, John from Cincinnati is not a woman and is actually a TV show.

[5:34] That's what I said.

Zhubin Parang

[5:36] You guys are pretty popular along mid-sized cities.

Elliott Kalan

[5:39] Oh, yeah.

[5:40] Austin, Toronto.

[5:41] Toronto's pretty big.

[5:42] Cincinnati.

[5:43] Not so much in the major markets.

[5:45] Here in our hometown.

[5:46] But it reminded us, or reminded me at least, that people do listen to this stupid thing

[5:52] that we do, which was a great feeling and we have a lot of great fans who are just

[5:55] good people and who are very friendly and are the kind of fans.

[5:58] That we want.

[5:59] Yeah.

[6:00] The kind of listeners we want.

Dan McCoy

[6:01] There was a trivia question about the popcorn trick that was surprisingly detailed.

[6:06] A gentleman rattled off basically our whole shtick about the popcorn trick.

[6:09] They really...

Elliott Kalan

[6:09] People...

[6:10] I'm amazed at how well people know this podcast.

[6:12] To the extent of knowing, like, anecdotes that I've told on it.

[6:16] Or like you said, like, knowing the popcorn trick problems.

[6:19] Basically verbatim.

[6:20] Or...

[6:22] It was just very...

[6:23] It was impressive.

[6:25] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[6:25] So thank you to the fans.

Elliott Kalan

[6:27] Thank you to everyone who came.

[6:28] We hope to do another one someday.

[6:30] Not for a long time, though.

[6:31] Thank you to the fans.

Dan McCoy

[6:32] No, it's you, but you...

[6:33] It's you, but they're not your fans.

[6:34] Oh, I just want...

[6:35] Well, thank you guys anyway.

Elliott Kalan

[6:36] I mean, after this episode, yes.

[6:37] But before then, no.

[6:38] Yeah.

[6:38] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[6:38] Free thank you to the fans.

[6:41] So speaking of conflict over diamonds...

[6:44] Yeah.

[6:45] What movie did we watch today, Dan?

[6:46] We watched a movie called Trespass.

[6:49] Now, I have not...

[6:50] Before this movie came up as a possibility, I had never heard of it.

[6:53] Despite the fact that it was directed by Joel Schumacher and stars Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman, two of the most famous Nicks in Hollywood.

[6:59] Mm-hmm.

[7:00] Did it come out in theaters, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[7:02] It did come out in theaters, briefly.

[7:04] But it holds the record for shortest window of time between theatrical release and DVD or video of any kind.

Elliott Kalan

[7:12] It was the record held by From Justin to Kelly, which itself was just a cash-in on American Idol.

[7:18] It was 18 days from theater to DVD.

[7:21] It was in the theater for less than 10 days, and according to Wikipedia, it had a budget of around $35 million, and it grossed around $25,000 in theaters in 10 days.

[7:31] Now, that's roughly $2,500 a day for a movie, and that's like...

[7:39] So at any given time...

[7:41] So during its release, around 250 people saw it a day.

[7:44] That is.

Zhubin Parang

[7:45] I did not know 18 days from theater to DVD.

[7:48] I feel like the first days in theaters, you've got to start running off the DVDs, right?

[7:52] Like, they had to know, like, right away, we've got to get this out.

Elliott Kalan

[7:56] They knew this was going to be a huge hit, so they just made the DVDs ahead of time.

[7:59] Just get stacked from warehouses, yeah.

[8:01] People are going to be climbing up the walls trying to get into the studio to take these DVDs from us.

Dan McCoy

[8:04] It really punches up, too, like, how false that, like, release window is.

[8:08] Like, they don't need a lot of time to gear up to get those DVDs out there.

Elliott Kalan

[8:11] Well, it's like the old thing when the state DVDs were not available, but they had been made,

[8:17] and MTV had done a DVD set for the TV show The State and then just left them in a warehouse for, like, years.

[8:22] Over a year, at least.

[8:24] And you would see online people from the state be like, yeah, please write a letter to MTV to tell them to release this thing that is made already.

[8:30] That will cost them no more money to do anything with.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] A hostage, if you will, which gets us back to...

[8:35] Speaking of hostages, this movie, Trespass.

Elliott Kalan

[8:38] You've been speaking of Trespass without talking about Trespass several times already.

[8:41] Now, I at first thought this was a Spanish movie called Trespass, about three passages.

Zhubin Parang

[8:47] I feel like, again, we're getting off track.

[8:48] But I went to a Spanish restaurant last week, and I very much enjoyed it.

Elliott Kalan

[8:51] I don't know what that has to do with anything that we're talking about.

[8:55] Save that for the podcast, our cooking podcast.

[8:59] A lot of people think it's about pot.

[9:01] It's actually about cooking things in pots.

Dan McCoy

[9:03] Yeah, the hashcast is the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[9:05] And don't get it mixed up with our potscast, which is our Annie Potts podcast.

[9:08] You guys got to consolidate.

[9:09] We just talked about Annie Potts.

[9:10] A lot about Hot to Trot.

[9:12] Hot to Trot.

[9:13] Ghostbusters.

[9:13] Ghostbusters 2.

[9:14] That show that she did on Lifetime, where she was friends with a black lady.

[9:18] I feel you guys need to just consolidate these podcasts a little bit.

[9:20] She and Who's Harry Crumb.

[9:22] Everyone was in Who's Harry Crumb.

[9:24] It was a verbal Who's Who of Who's Harry Crumb.

Zhubin Parang

[9:28] These multiple podcasts wouldn't be such a big deal if you guys didn't have them bleed over into every podcast.

[9:31] There really is a lot of overlap.

[9:33] A lot of overlap.

[9:34] Very confusing names.

Elliott Kalan

[9:35] There's the Cast Cast, our fishing podcast.

[9:38] The Cast Cast, which is our broken bones podcast.

Dan McCoy

[9:42] The Cash Cast, which is our cash cab podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[9:45] Yeah, that's where we drive people around in our podcast and ask them quiz questions.

Zhubin Parang

[9:50] Which is not to be confused with the Crash Cast, where you drive that same car, but crash it into various objects.

[9:55] Yeah.

[9:56] Walls, things like that.

[9:57] Yeah, and comet on the crash.

Elliott Kalan

[9:58] So anyway, and there's also our Crash Cast, which is our discussion of the movie Crash.

[10:03] Right.

[10:03] Every week.

Zhubin Parang

[10:05] Which is by far the most popular one.

[10:06] You guys, that one gets a lot of views.

[10:08] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[10:08] Oscar nominated.

[10:09] The point I wanted to make was that it seems like more people may hear about the movie from this podcast than ever actually watched it.

[10:16] And we're doing a service to Joel Schumacher.

[10:18] Yes.

[10:18] It would normally make me feel bad, but it's Joel Schumacher and Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman.

[10:22] Like, they're big names in this movie.

[10:24] And it's the return, the triumphant return of Cam Gigandit to the podcast.

[10:28] Our favorite name.

[10:30] Our favorite actor.

[10:31] Favorite name.

Dan McCoy

[10:31] Our name that we're not sure.

[10:32] It could be Gijande, but we're going to keep saying Cam Gigandit.

[10:36] Cam Gigandit.

[10:37] Because it's more funny.

[10:37] It's more fun to say.

[10:38] It sounds like a kid robot.

[10:40] And the daughter in this movie, also a previous Flophouse star from My Soul to Take.

[10:46] It was the, I don't think it was the daughter, was it?

[10:48] Oh, not the daughter.

[10:48] The friend of the daughter.

Elliott Kalan

[10:49] The friend of the daughter.

[10:50] Kendra.

[10:50] Kendra the daughter.

Dan McCoy

[10:51] Who we briefly see in a low cut top and then we don't see her much.

[10:54] But anyway.

[10:54] And then we spend the rest of the movie wishing that we saw her again.

Elliott Kalan

[10:56] But what's the, okay, so we know the movie was a big bomb.

[10:59] We know it stars Nix, plural.

[11:02] And old friend of the podcast, Nicolas Cage.

[11:05] What's the movie about, you ask?

[11:08] Uh, what's the movie about, Elliot?

[11:09] I'm glad you asked.

[11:11] Nicolas Cage is a diamond broker with a big fancy modernist house.

[11:16] He's married to Nicole Kidman, but it's a cold marriage.

[11:18] There's no sex between them.

[11:20] And we know this because he breaks a dinner date to go do business and we see her wistfully

[11:24] looking at underpants that she had wanted to wear for him.

Dan McCoy

[11:26] And then she tries to kiss him and he like moves his face away.

[11:29] He's like a cold fish.

[11:31] I don't know why that happens.

Elliott Kalan

[11:33] And they have a daughter who argues with her parents and sneaks out of the house to go

[11:37] to a party.

[11:38] And now Nicolas Cage's performance starts out being kind of bland and by the end of the

[11:41] movie becomes ridiculous.

[11:43] But, uh, we'll get to that.

[11:45] The, uh, so Nicolas Cage and Nicole Kidman are at home.

[11:48] Suddenly, uh, a sheriff knocks on the door and says, we need you to let us into the house.

[11:53] There's been trouble in the neighborhood.

[11:54] Turns out it's not the sheriff.

[11:55] It's a bunch of robbers disguised as security people.

[11:58] And they have been following Nicolas Cage around for days, watching him do things.

[12:03] And they're convinced he has millions of dollars and diamonds all over the house.

Zhubin Parang

[12:07] You're, you're aware from the start that these guys are robbers because the security cam in

[12:13] this incredibly elaborate and complex security system this house has only shows their chests

[12:18] where you see the badge.

[12:19] It's a chest high security cam.

[12:21] It's a chest high security cam, which seems like a major overlap or oversight in the movie

[12:25] until you learn that there's like, and there's one of many twists in the movie that the security

[12:29] cam system itself was installed by the crooks, by the crooks led by Cam Gajandit led by

Elliott Kalan

[12:35] Cam Gajandit.

[12:36] Gams command it.

[12:37] Gams command it.

[12:38] Gams demand it.

[12:38] Who, uh, he, but, uh, it's, there's so many twists and turns in this movie.

[12:43] It's hard to, it's hard to remember all of them, but, uh, there is a chest high, uh,

[12:48] cleavage cam security camera.

[12:50] Um, there's, they go in.

[12:54] Nicolas Cage won't let them open up his safe.

[12:56] He says he doesn't have any diamonds.

[12:58] Uh, and then it turns out, let's just go through the twists in no particular order, shall we?

Dan McCoy

[13:03] Yes.

[13:04] So Cam Gajandit.

[13:04] Well, I mean, the thing is like, it's, it, it's a pretty basic, uh,

[13:08] It's a very basic home invasion story.

[13:09] Until all of a sudden they throw like eight twists at you.

[13:13] Like one after the other.

Elliott Kalan

[13:14] The first 35 minutes of the movie are very straightforward.

[13:17] Then it gets a little, like, slow.

[13:20] And then it's just twist after twist.

[13:23] Just like constant twistiness.

[13:25] Uh, so Cam Gajandit put in the security cameras.

[13:28] It appears he also slept with Nicole Kidman because she's lonely while he was there.

Zhubin Parang

[13:33] Yeah, which is also suggested by a lot of longing looks the two give to each other in flashbacks.

[13:40] That are superimposed on each other.

Elliott Kalan

[13:42] Yeah.

[13:42] Dolce Schumacher uses everything in his bag of tricks.

[13:44] Yeah.

[13:45] In his directorial toolbox to show us there's chemistry between these two.

[13:49] Which he needs because in real life there is no chemistry between these two.

Zhubin Parang

[13:53] There's, there's no chemistry between anybody I don't think in this entire movie.

[13:56] Like nobody really seems to connect to anybody else.

[13:58] I think they're all shot on different days.

[14:00] I think it's the opposite.

[14:01] Together with computers.

[14:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[14:02] A lot of single shots.

[14:03] It's like Lord of the Rings.

[14:04] Yeah.

[14:05] They decided to experiment, they wanted to shoot a movie the same way you record voices for

[14:09] a cartoon.

[14:09] Yeah.

[14:10] Just different people separately.

[14:12] Different rooms.

[14:12] Okay.

[14:13] The daughter comes back and there's a lot of running around and a lot of yelling and

[14:16] people going, shut the fuck up.

[14:18] Get the fuck down.

[14:20] Pow, pow.

[14:20] You know, like just firing guns in the air.

[14:22] Nicolas Cage gets shot like two or three times.

Zhubin Parang

[14:24] That's one thing also is that the very first second something goes wrong,

[14:28] all four of these crooks just fall apart.

[14:31] Like they all like.

[14:31] They just start yelling at each other.

[14:32] Yeah.

[14:32] They've all got numerous entanglements themselves and cannot keep it together.

Elliott Kalan

[14:36] It's three, three guys and a girl and a pizza place.

[14:40] Yeah.

[14:41] And the guy.

[14:41] And it's hilarious.

[14:42] And the leader of the robbers and the girl are, have a relationship.

[14:46] The girl is a drug addict and immediately leaves the room when the robbery starts to

[14:51] go smoke crack, I guess.

[14:52] Yeah.

[14:53] And try Nicole Kidman's clothes.

[14:54] And try Nicole Kidman's clothes and watch Nicole Kidman's baby movies from when they're

[14:58] daughter was growing up.

Dan McCoy

[14:59] Which just seems to be an excuse to see her in a thong a couple times.

[15:02] Yeah.

[15:02] Which, again, not complaining.

[15:03] Dan is fine with that.

[15:05] But gratuitous.

Zhubin Parang

[15:05] It definitely seems that she breaks down at the beginning of the movie and spends the

[15:09] entire rest of the movie broken down.

[15:11] Like in tears.

[15:11] Like wandering around in a haze.

[15:12] Yeah.

[15:13] Like not making any sense.

[15:14] Like begging everybody.

[15:15] A real Lady Macbeth.

[15:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[15:17] A real Lady and the Tramp Macbeth.

[15:19] Yeah.

Zhubin Parang

[15:19] I didn't see the Shakespearean parallels until just now.

[15:21] But now this makes all this movie a lot more sense.

[15:22] The Lady Macbeth and the Tramp.

Elliott Kalan

[15:23] Either way.

[15:23] That works, right?

[15:24] Lady Macbeth and the Tramp.

[15:25] Lady Macbeth.

[15:26] Lady Macbeth.

[15:26] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[15:27] Why don't you make that hit YouTube video, Ellie?

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] I think I will.

[15:30] She tells the Tramp to kill the Italian chefs so they can run the Italian restaurant and

[15:35] have all the spaghetti they want.

Zhubin Parang

[15:37] The web of relationships is that the girlfriend, the female robber is the girlfriend of the

[15:43] older brother robber.

Elliott Kalan

[15:44] Oh, the robber who slept with Nicole Kidman and installed the security camera is brothers

[15:49] with the lead robber.

[15:51] Yes, the younger brother.

[15:53] Who does a lot of yelling about, it's called trust.

[15:55] We need to establish trust here between us and you people that we're robbing.

[15:59] Nicolas Cage tells them-

Dan McCoy

[16:00] And then there's also like a hulking guy who they all seem scared of.

Elliott Kalan

[16:04] Yeah, that even the robbers are afraid of.

[16:06] It turns out Nicolas Cage says to them, we don't have any money.

[16:09] It's all debt.

[16:10] We thought we owned this house, but it owns us, which briefly makes you think maybe the

[16:15] house is haunted.

[16:16] But it's not.

[16:17] They just have a very- they're underwater on this house.

[16:19] It's very topical.

[16:20] And he says, we don't have any diamonds.

[16:23] We don't have any money.

[16:26] They say like, oh, no, what are we going to do?

[16:28] There's got to be something.

[16:29] And the lead robber says, we need this money to buy a kidney for our mom who's dying.

[16:33] So we need to take your daughter's kidney.

[16:35] And Nicolas Cage is like, no, no, take my kidney.

[16:38] Take my kidney.

[16:38] And they're about to slash his back open.

[16:40] And the lead robber's like, we don't need any kidneys.

Dan McCoy

[16:43] We're here for money.

Elliott Kalan

[16:44] So why did we bother with that?

Zhubin Parang

[16:46] What's the-

[16:47] It's only the beginning of the movie.

[16:48] They're there to get, supposedly, the diamonds.

[16:50] And Nicolas Cage suggests a plan because he says the diamonds are laser micro-etched to be coded

[16:57] to whoever owns them.

[16:58] And he suggests to them that he be their middleman.

[17:02] So they essentially rob the diamonds from him.

[17:04] And they give them back to him.

[17:06] And then he gives them the money.

[17:07] Yeah.

[17:08] This is a very-

[17:08] This takes up a good, like, ten minutes.

[17:10] At least.

Dan McCoy

[17:11] Well, they establish the beginning that Nicolas-

[17:12] So it goes from diamonds to money to kidney.

[17:15] And then back to money.

[17:15] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:15] And then back to money.

[17:16] Nicolas Cage, they establish, is like a smooth-talking salesman.

[17:19] Like, he's a hustler.

[17:20] He gets by on his being able to argue people and convince them.

[17:24] And you think that's going to be his way out of this predicament.

[17:27] But it never really works that well.

[17:30] Yeah.

[17:30] And usually he ends up shot or stabbed.

[17:32] Or just with his hand crushed or just beat up.

Zhubin Parang

[17:36] I like the idea that, like, this happens to him every day.

[17:39] Like, his smooth-talking ways that he tries.

[17:41] And then we get him shot or stabbed in the hands.

[17:44] He just lives home bloody every day.

[17:46] His house is not worth it.

Elliott Kalan

[17:48] Even if we have an infinity pool, it is not worth it.

[17:51] I'll just go through the twists quickly.

[17:53] And then we talk about what order people get killed in.

[17:55] Great.

[17:57] So he says we don't have any diamonds.

[18:00] Then they ask for a kidney.

[18:02] Turns out they don't want a kidney.

[18:04] Then it turns out that the relationship between Cam Gajandit,

[18:08] there's a lot of mind games that people are playing with each other.

[18:10] Then it turns out Cam Gajandit imagined the whole relationship with Nicole Kidman.

[18:13] Yeah, he's on antipsychotic meds.

[18:15] And he is on antipsychotic medicine.

[18:18] And then the older brother throws the medicine away for, I don't know,

[18:22] I'm not sure what reason.

Zhubin Parang

[18:24] Oh, those are Tic Tacs.

[18:25] Like, he was not taking, he was pretending to take his medication.

[18:26] Well, that's what the older brother says, but I'm not.

Elliott Kalan

[18:28] Oh, you're saying he was just pretending the entire time?

Zhubin Parang

[18:30] He was pretending to take antipsychotic meds.

[18:31] Oh, I missed that.

[18:32] But he was just Tic Tacs.

[18:33] And the older brother realized that when he tries them himself.

Elliott Kalan

[18:36] Oh, I see.

[18:37] Maybe they were just the kind of meds that give you minty fresh.

[18:40] Minty fresh.

[18:41] Yeah, yeah.

[18:42] Yeah.

[18:44] There was another, oh, and then it turns out he needs the money because the lead brother

[18:48] is a drug dealer for the mob.

[18:50] And his girlfriend, the girl, is a stripper for the same mobster.

[18:55] And so he was doing so well as a drug dealer that they gave him this huge shipment of Coke,

[19:00] $180,000 worth.

[19:01] And while he was having sex in the front seat of his car with his girlfriend, robbers come

[19:06] up and steal the drugs from him.

[19:07] So he needs the money to pay back for the drugs he lost.

Dan McCoy

[19:10] And that's why they're so scared of the hulking guy because the hulking guy is from, like,

[19:14] the drug cartel or whatever.

[19:14] Works for the mobster.

[19:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:16] But then it turns out that the mobster eventually revealed, the mobster gets injected with

[19:20] a chemical that puts him to sleep for a long time.

[19:22] But then when he finally wakes up, he reveals that, oh, he gets, he's attacking Cam Gajandit.

[19:28] The older brother shoots him in the back to save Cam Gajandit.

[19:32] And then as he's dying, it's like an opera where someone has a lot of time after their

[19:36] shot to talk.

[19:37] He explains that, no, you don't understand.

[19:39] Your brother set you up.

[19:41] The mob stole those drugs back from you that it gave to you so that you'd be under their

[19:45] thumb and do anything they said.

[19:47] And it was because your brother told us where you were going to be with the drugs.

[19:51] So we stole them back and your brother betrayed you.

[19:54] And then he dies.

[19:55] And then there's a lot of running around and chasing.

[19:59] There's a lot of yelling.

[20:00] Nicolas Cage gets beat up a lot.

Dan McCoy

[20:02] Yeah.

[20:02] The lead brother is going to kill Nicole Kidman.

[20:05] But then Cam Gajandit kills the brother because he's in love.

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] To save Nicole Kidman.

[20:08] Yeah.

[20:09] Nicolas Cage.

[20:10] Shoot.

[20:11] And then Cam Gajandit finds out there really is a lot of money in the basement.

[20:14] There's hundreds of thousands of dollars.

[20:16] That's the final twist.

[20:17] That's the final twist.

[20:19] And then there's somehow gasoline got knocked over.

[20:23] And Nicolas Cage lights it on fire.

[20:25] And then takes a nail gun and shoots the nails into Cam Gajandit's feet so he can't move.

[20:29] And he gets engulfed in flame.

[20:31] And the family escapes.

Dan McCoy

[20:34] Yeah.

[20:34] Nicole Kidman comes in and gets Nicolas Cage who's been shot in the inside of the leg.

[20:39] Which, by the way, is where your femoral artery is.

[20:41] And you would bleed out immediately.

[20:43] Like within seconds.

[20:44] But he got shot in the inside of the leg.

[20:46] And then later he gets shot in the gut.

[20:48] And he manages to do all this to Cam Gajandit.

[20:50] And Nicole Kidman takes him out.

[20:52] And at the end of the movie they're all on the lawn.

[20:54] The house is on fire.

[20:55] And then cut to credits.

[20:57] And you have no idea whether he survived or what.

[20:58] They're lying on the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[20:59] The three of them one on top of each other like a family lies down.

[21:02] And then you hear sirens in the background fade to black.

[21:06] So all the robbers are dead.

[21:08] A real security guard who shows up near the end of the movie gets shot dead by Cam Gajandit.

[21:14] And there's also – and the girl robber.

[21:17] Yeah, she's –

[21:18] So the daughter says, I know where there is money.

[21:21] I was at this party.

[21:22] This is something we see earlier.

[21:23] She's at a party and the douchebag who is running the party to impress her shows her a safe with a gun in it and like tons and tons of cash and bricks.

[21:32] And he's like, there's $100,000 in here.

[21:34] You know, in case of, I don't know, the economy collapses or 9-11 or something.

[21:37] Like I don't remember what he says.

[21:38] It's really stupid.

[21:39] And she leaves the party.

[21:41] So she says, I can take you to this house.

[21:43] It's 20 minutes away.

[21:44] We'll get lots of money.

Zhubin Parang

[21:45] And the girl robber goes with her in a car.

[21:48] But not before changing back into a thong again.

Elliott Kalan

[21:49] Not before they change their clothes into party clothes.

Dan McCoy

[21:53] Look, they don't want to be conspicuous while they're robbing money from this party.

[21:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[21:59] I guess so, yeah.

[22:00] And then the robber girl is like, I'm going to shoot all your friends.

[22:03] I'm going to shoot everybody because you can't do anything about it because you can't do anything.

[22:07] And the girl drives, speeds up the car and aims for a traffic pull and then quickly unlatches the robber's seat belt.

[22:20] Car crashes.

[22:22] Next thing we see, the airbags have not gone off.

[22:24] The girl is fine.

[22:25] The girl robber is, I don't know, dead?

[22:27] I don't know what.

[22:28] But she's just sitting there.

[22:30] The car is in pretty good shape considering it just crashed and the daughter runs away.

Dan McCoy

[22:35] But this is, and I said it at the time, this is my favorite thing in the whole movie because early in the movie when the daughter sneaks out and she's like,

[22:45] Kendra's driving her, Kendra almost crashes into that same traffic pull.

[22:50] And so it feels like the movie feels like it needs to set up the fact that people can crash into pulls or else we're not going to believe the way that this woman gets killed at the end of the movie.

[23:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:01] I mean, this is a movie that's so intricately plotted.

[23:04] Just everything's there.

[23:06] Everything pays off.

[23:07] Everything pays off.

[23:08] Except for everything.

Zhubin Parang

[23:10] One of the great things about this movie is characters suddenly go from being like cowardly and sniveling on the floor to suddenly doing an enormous act of bravery.

[23:17] Like at one point, Nicole Kidman, who is like most of the movie is on the floor crying of some sort, begging the robbers to leave her family loan,

[23:25] gets up like puts a guy in an arm lock and grabs a syringe and like points it very close to his neck and just starts shouting commands to all the robbers as if she was.

[23:34] I honestly expected some sort of like secret to be that she was trained in some sort of martial arts or like a cop herself.

[23:39] It was so fluid and quick.

Elliott Kalan

[23:41] And then it's like in movies where you see like ordinary people are really good at punching and can take a lot of punishment.

[23:49] Like this is that kind of movie.

[23:50] It's supposed to be an average family, but like they're pretty good at fighting and Nicolas Cage takes a shitload of punishment.

[23:57] Like they crush his hand.

[23:59] They shoot him a couple times.

Dan McCoy

[24:01] Well, but the other thing, I mean like there's that, but there's the flip side of that, which is when they like seem utterly incompetent.

[24:06] Like there's a point at which.

[24:07] The family, I mean everybody seems incompetent.

[24:09] Yeah, but there's a point at which like a knife gets stabbed into a table right next to Nicolas Cage.

[24:14] And Nicolas Cage basically does that like comedy thing where like you turn your like fingers into someone walking along the table.

Elliott Kalan

[24:22] He's like the two robbers are arguing and he's going to, he's slowly reaching over to pick up that knife.

[24:26] But it's like he's, it's like he's in a slow pick up a knife contest.

Dan McCoy

[24:31] Like how slow can you pick up a knife?

[24:34] And it's also one of those things where, you know, I feel like anyone with any, any experience in life sort of knows that if you want to do something surreptitiously, you do it quickly rather than stretching it out as long as you possibly can.

Elliott Kalan

[24:47] Like you can just grab the knife and stab someone.

[24:49] He knows that robbers have vision like frogs or T-Rexes.

[24:54] Oh, right.

[24:54] They see motion.

[24:55] They can't see things that are standing still.

[24:57] It's like, it's like.

[24:57] That's just science.

Zhubin Parang

[24:58] That's science.

[24:59] It's like an actual movie theater is when somebody wants to like open, like unwrap something and just does it very slowly.

[25:04] Which is like a hundred times worse than just opening it right away.

[25:06] And extend this crinkling as long as I can.

Elliott Kalan

[25:09] But the robbers are really shitty at being robbers too.

[25:12] Like they, they break into the house and they're like, we know everything about you.

[25:15] We've been watching you.

[25:16] We know everything.

[25:17] And over the course of the movie, it's revealed that they really don't know what they're doing.

[25:20] They have no plan.

[25:21] All of them are crazy.

[25:23] They don't like each other.

[25:24] And it like, you only need to tweak this a little bit for it to be like a knockabout farce about like incompetent robbers.

Zhubin Parang

[25:31] You just need one person to dress as a different gender in order for this to be just a complete farce.

Dan McCoy

[25:36] Well, we're talking about during the movie, like it was like, okay, well, the robbers think that they have all these diamonds.

[25:41] Oh, Nicolas Cage doesn't have any diamonds.

[25:42] Then they think he has a bunch of money.

[25:44] It's like, oh, it turns out he doesn't have the money.

[25:45] Then there's a necklace that they're going to get.

[25:47] Like, oh, they get the necklace and he's like, oh, it's fake.

[25:50] I traded it in for the house.

[25:52] Like, and they smash it in like a fake necklace.

[25:53] And it turns into a movie about like hostages that bedevil the hostage takers.

[25:59] Like, oh, come on.

[26:01] You're just wasting our time now, Nicolas Cage.

Elliott Kalan

[26:02] The hostage takers are like falling apart by the end of the movie.

[26:06] They don't really seem like much of a threat.

Zhubin Parang

[26:09] Yeah.

[26:09] I feel like it's like most of these like hostage movies or invasion or heist movies have like one wild card.

[26:14] But everyone of the robbers in this movie is a wild card in some way.

Elliott Kalan

[26:18] It feels like the speeder was like, why don't I make them all wild cards?

Zhubin Parang

[26:20] It's what anyone's going to do at any one point.

Elliott Kalan

[26:22] Even the guy who's like the big tough guy who's a professional who's there to keep them in line is kind of a crazy person who flies off the handle.

[26:29] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[26:29] Crazy person.

[26:30] There's the drug addict stripper lady.

[26:33] There's the fuck up drug dealer.

[26:35] And then there's the person who's on antipsychotic medication.

[26:38] I mean, it's like the X-Men.

Elliott Kalan

[26:40] It sounds like a superhero team.

[26:41] Yeah.

Zhubin Parang

[26:42] That's one – although I will say the number of twists and the way they're all revealed – every twist is revealed in a very dramatic monologue or some sort of shocked utterance that is then followed by the next person hearing it saying,

[26:54] what did you just say?

[26:56] It's all very – not only are there so many twists, but they're all revealed as if they're the only twist in the movie that explains it.

[27:01] Which becomes very entertaining to me after all.

[27:03] And then the druggy girlfriend's like, no, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] It can't be.

[27:07] No, no.

[27:08] Come on.

[27:08] Yeah.

[27:09] At a certain point, you'd think that they'd just be like, oh, yeah, okay.

[27:13] Yeah.

[27:14] I buy that.

[27:14] I get it.

Dan McCoy

[27:15] Everything is going wrong.

[27:17] I mean, I guess in a way that's more realistic.

[27:19] I mean, this is probably more like the way –

[27:20] There's nothing realistic about this.

[27:22] No, this is not in any way what real life is like.

[27:25] It's probably more realistic that that's what a group of criminals is like, I'm saying.

[27:28] Like a group of semi-incompetents.

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] They are – most criminals are not a crack elite.

[27:33] It's not like Die Hard where they're an elite squad of mercenaries that have everything timed out to the second,

[27:38] and it's only the one X factor of a New York City cop with no shoes.

Dan McCoy

[27:43] Oh, my God.

[27:44] This sounds like a good movie.

Elliott Kalan

[27:45] Well, it was made already years ago.

[27:47] Oh, no.

[27:49] You should –

Dan McCoy

[27:49] I'm looking forward to this movie you're making.

Elliott Kalan

[27:51] No, I'm not making it.

[27:52] It's been made.

[27:53] It's all Die Hard.

Dan McCoy

[27:53] I would like to give you $2 million to make this movie.

[27:56] The movie cost way more than $2 million.

[27:58] Well, I think I can only raise $2 million.

[28:00] I'm amazed you can raise that much.

Zhubin Parang

[28:02] I'll take this money, and I'll make this movie.

[28:04] I'll give you a DVD of this movie that I'll make you for just $2 million.

[28:08] I'll guarantee you –

Elliott Kalan

[28:09] I'll get Bruce Willis to be in it, but he'll look younger.

[28:13] See?

Dan McCoy

[28:13] Jubin is the kind of can-do guy I'm looking for, Elliot.

[28:16] It's always no with you.

Elliott Kalan

[28:18] You're right.

[28:19] I'm a can't-do guy.

[28:20] I can't make a movie that was already made 20 years ago.

Zhubin Parang

[28:23] One thing I like about this movie is the fact that – is the fact that like with all these twists, like the very first five minutes of this break-in, it seems like this is like a SEAL Team 6 operation.

[28:31] Like they do – they even do like the trick where they're like, what's the code to the alarm?

[28:37] And it gives them the wrong code.

[28:38] But they know the right code.

[28:39] And they know the right code.

[28:40] So you're thinking like, oh, these guys like tracked him down like a long time.

[28:43] But then like within like two minutes after that, everything like they – the girl is smoking crack in the room and putting on another dress.

[28:50] The guys are like shouting each other to like calm the fuck down, which – they're showing a level of falling apart, which usually happens like 90 minutes into a two-hour high school.

Elliott Kalan

[28:59] It's as if like Reservoir Dogs start with – as if they all come back from that robbery that went horribly wrong and they're all mad at each other.

[29:10] It's as if that – all that happened the minute they walked into the place they were robbing.

[29:15] Like as if Reservoir Dogs was about them fucking up this robbery instantly.

[29:19] Like the only way they could screw it up more is if like they couldn't get the door open or if they hold up their guns and the cartridges are just falling right – the clips are just falling right out of the bottom.

[29:29] Their pants are falling down.

[29:31] You know, their masks just disappear because they're made out of like some kind of flash paper.

[29:37] But likewise, I mean like Nicholas Cage –

[29:39] Their palms are in the bangs.

[29:40] They're like, Junior?

[29:41] No.

[29:42] This is also – and as a result, this is the shoutiest movie I think we've ever seen in this podcast.

[29:47] Oh, really?

[29:47] And we watched 12 rounds, which is a loud movie.

[29:51] But almost every line in this movie is, shut the fuck up.

[29:54] We're like, get the fuck down.

[29:56] No, no, no.

[29:58] That basically –

Dan McCoy

[29:59] Well, that's what I was going to say is that Nicholas Cage goes from like the boring, like disengaged Nicholas Cage that we've seen a lot of recently to like crazy fucking Nicholas Cage.

[30:08] Nicholas Cage very quickly.

Elliott Kalan

[30:10] He does a lot of talking like this.

[30:11] Yeah.

[30:11] It's like his voice – it's like his voice, it goes from like Zero to Giamatti to George Lucas.

[30:19] Like those are the voices.

[30:21] So he's like, leave my family alone to like –

Dan McCoy

[30:24] Do you ever know the etymology of the word diamond?

Elliott Kalan

[30:28] It's like, why?

[30:29] Why bother with that?

Dan McCoy

[30:31] But also like immediately upon getting kidnapped, like he is at climax levels of like yelling and despair and craziness.

[30:39] I mean it is like a weird – it is like a home invasion Joel Schumacher Tennessee Williams thing going on.

Zhubin Parang

[30:48] That's another thing too by the way, which is – which like – what you're saying about the etymology of diamonds.

[30:53] Like several times in the movie, Nicholas Cage gives almost like a mini lecture on some subject.

[30:57] At one point he even starts like discussing with the robbers the leverage he has and what leverage is and how it's useful in negotiations.

[31:05] And I don't know if that's –

[31:06] It was a promotion for the show leverage.

Elliott Kalan

[31:09] Well, it's one of those – there's something that started out as kind of a neat thing in movies where characters would give little mini speeches on like weird subjects.

[31:17] Like – and then it got totally overused and like Aaron Sorkin does it in everything he writes.

[31:22] But every – it seems like every character has their little speech where they're like, you know, when I was a boy, my mom always used to tell me.

[31:30] And here's what's interesting about that.

[31:32] And here's a fact I heard somewhere.

[31:34] And it's like maybe one of those for a movie is okay.

[31:38] Like all the characters seem like they just read a really interesting book and they can't wait to hear.

[31:43] Like – or they heard something on Jeopardy that they didn't know and they're going to tell everybody what it is.

Dan McCoy

[31:48] I mean to go back to Reservoir Dogs, I feel like Quentin Tarantino is good at doing that.

[31:53] He's good at –

[31:54] And people see that and they're like, oh, I can do that.

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] And the thing is that became like one of the ticks that people picked up on about Tarantino.

[32:01] But he doesn't do it as much as you think he does.

[32:04] It's just when he does it, they're memorable.

[32:06] Like the whole Royale with cheese thing in Pulp Fiction, like there's not that many other things like that in the movie.

[32:12] Right.

[32:12] Where there's just kind of like a non-sequitur fact talk, you know, or something like that.

[32:16] Yeah.

Zhubin Parang

[32:17] Like a virgin thing at the beginning of Reservoir Dogs.

[32:19] Like that's really the only –

[32:20] Yeah.

[32:21] The only thing there, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[32:22] And in Inglourious Bastards, it's when Christoph Waltz goes through basically the plot of each season of Charles in Charge.

[32:28] Yeah.

[32:29] Yeah.

[32:29] It's strange and anachronistic.

[32:31] But I mean it's a movie where they kill Hitler.

[32:33] It's a Fantasia.

[32:34] It's a Fantasia on World War II themes.

[32:36] Yeah.

[32:38] And then the interesting thing is the Powell family moves out.

[32:44] A new family moves in, but Charles stays in charge.

Zhubin Parang

[32:48] It was very smart though because he deliberately made a mistake in the third season that got the Jews hiding under the floorboards.

[32:54] It'd be like, that's not right.

[32:55] And that's how they discovered it.

[32:57] That's how they discovered it.

Elliott Kalan

[32:58] What's so brilliant about that scene is you're like, oh, he's talking about Charles in Charge.

[33:01] That all Jews love that.

[33:03] And you want them to be quiet, but they just cannot resist from correcting him.

Dan McCoy

[33:07] And the irony in the scene is that Christoph Waltz is the one in charge the whole time.

[33:11] Yeah.

[33:13] What a good movie.

[33:14] It was a good movie.

[33:15] Inglourious Bastards.

[33:16] Just well done.

[33:18] I mean, it is.

[33:19] I mean, not the crazy version that we just made up.

Zhubin Parang

[33:21] Inglourious Charles in Charge.

[33:23] I don't mean to.

[33:24] Inglourious Baos.

[33:25] That's what it is.

[33:26] I don't mean to shift the discussion to that, but I do remember like watching that movie,

[33:30] not realizing like how much of a, like this is really just going to go off the rails in terms of like historical accuracy.

[33:35] Thinking up to like the last two minutes, they've really ridden themselves into a corner with this fire.

[33:38] Like how are they going to get Hitler out of here?

[33:40] And then I was like, oh, I guess we're not.

Elliott Kalan

[33:43] And what I loved about Tarantino's explanation for that was he was like, the characters don't know how history is supposed to go.

[33:48] They don't know that Hitler doesn't die here.

[33:50] So why can't they kill Hitler?

[33:52] And it's such a perfect explanation.

[33:53] Like, yeah, you're right.

[33:55] It's not like the characters are going to leave a back door open because they know Hitler doesn't die until 1945.

[34:00] That's true.

[34:01] Yeah.

[34:01] That's a very clever way of responding to it.

[34:03] But anyway, trespass.

[34:05] I found myself way more entertained by this movie than I thought I was going to be, even though it was really like because it was stupid.

[34:11] It was really stupid and loud.

[34:12] And at any given moment, someone was about to get hurt or yell at somebody else.

[34:16] Or reveal some new motivation.

[34:17] Or nail that.

[34:18] That we never knew about.

[34:19] And Cam Gajanet gets into a fight with the big guy at the end and is just being slammed against the floor.

[34:25] Like there's a bunch of hits in this.

[34:28] Broken glass.

[34:28] That look like they really hurt.

Zhubin Parang

[34:30] He receives like seven blows that would render anybody automatically unconscious.

[34:34] Yeah, but he has psycho strength.

[34:35] Yeah, psycho strength.

[34:36] But that's the freshest breath and psychoist mind ever.

Elliott Kalan

[34:40] Joel Schumacher makes these movies where he's just really cruel to his characters and really beats the shit out of them.

[34:47] And it like, I remember in Phone Booth, which is not a good movie.

[34:51] Yeah.

[34:52] But there's one scene where he's on the phone with Kiefer Sutherland while the prostitutes and the pimp are, I don't even remember why they want to yell at him.

[35:00] But they're like banging on the outside of the phone booth while he's trying to deal with Kiefer Sutherland.

[35:06] Like he has too much stimuli that he can't all respond to.

[35:10] And that was the only moment in that movie that was any good to me because it was like, this is really making me anxious.

[35:15] Like there's too much going on for this character to deal with.

Dan McCoy

[35:17] I mean, it's something that you can relate to.

[35:20] Like, leave me alone in the fucking phone booth.

[35:22] I'm on the phone.

Elliott Kalan

[35:23] And it almost, it doesn't totally make up with the fact that the character in that movie is being punished for having had a lustful thought about a woman who is not his wife.

[35:30] Is that really what the...

[35:31] Yeah, it turns out he has to admit at the end that he was sexually attracted to this woman who works for him.

[35:37] But he never acted on it.

[35:38] We didn't sleep together.

[35:39] The sniper makes him reveal this to his wife.

[35:42] Like, she's really sexy and I felt that, but we never acted on it.

[35:46] I never want to date with her.

[35:47] It's like basically...

Dan McCoy

[35:48] He's being punished for being a human being.

Elliott Kalan

[35:50] Yeah.

[35:50] Like Jimmy Carter wrote this script.

[35:52] Oh, he felt lust in his heart.

[35:54] That's just as bad.

[35:56] What's like...

[35:57] Who is it doing that?

[35:59] I forget how Kiefer Sutherland knows these things about him.

[36:03] It's this crazy sniper who just traps him in this phone booth.

[36:06] This is also the same problem with the trespass.

Zhubin Parang

[36:08] The idea that like there's no...

[36:09] You don't...

[36:11] Like, it doesn't matter how a twist is revealed or set up or if he even relies on information the audience did not know.

[36:17] Any twist is an interesting, new, exciting twist that'll change the audiences.

[36:21] That'll make the audience more excited.

[36:23] Like, and at certain points in this movie, especially by the end of it, there's just so much that you just don't really...

[36:29] You know, you're no longer invested in any of the characters anymore.

[36:31] You just want like the...

[36:33] But it almost makes you dependent on the twists for...

[36:35] Yeah.

[36:36] For plot...

[36:37] For just being engaged.

[36:39] So the certain number of twists...

[36:40] A certain critical mass of twists, you need like many, many more twists.

[36:44] You know, you need like...

[36:45] Yeah.

Zhubin Parang

[36:45] You need nothing but twists after, I would say like...

Dan McCoy

[36:47] It needs to be an accelerating number.

Zhubin Parang

[36:49] Yeah.

[36:50] If you have like three twists in the movie, you need 30 twists.

[36:52] And you need them all to be revealed like exponentially as they go on.

Elliott Kalan

[36:56] And then, well, the twists have to get crazier each time or bigger each time.

[36:59] So like, oh, and it turns out Nicolas Cage is Cam Gajand, it's father.

[37:03] Yeah, yeah.

[37:03] And it turns out this is a world where apes rule.

[37:06] And, uh...

Dan McCoy

[37:08] Yeah.

[37:10] Yeah.

[37:10] Well, it's a movie.

[37:13] That's what I have to say about it.

[37:13] That's what it was.

[37:14] It was a failure of a movie.

[37:16] But I think that we have to give our final judgments now.

[37:20] We're about that time.

[37:22] Final judgments.

[37:23] This is where we decide whether this was a good, bad movie.

[37:26] Whether it is scarily horrifying.

[37:28] No.

[37:29] No, again...

[37:29] Terrifyingly good.

[37:30] Those are only special Shocktober categories.

[37:32] Creepily bad good.

[37:35] I wish I could do the October one.

Zhubin Parang

[37:37] Those are like much more exciting categories.

Elliott Kalan

[37:38] And Stuart sometimes rates it on a scale of wormy boners.

[37:41] Nobody else uses that.

[37:43] Not a canonical method of rating.

Dan McCoy

[37:46] No one understands what it means.

[37:47] It doesn't mean anything.

Elliott Kalan

[37:49] He makes up the numbers each time.

[37:50] I'm not even really sure what a wormy boner is.

[37:53] I'm assuming it's a boner with worms in it.

[37:55] Oh, that's horrible.

[37:56] Like a corpse boner?

[37:57] Yeah.

[37:58] Just like that movie, Tim Burton's the corpse boner?

[38:00] Yeah.

Zhubin Parang

[38:00] I thought you said wormy as in like it's a warm, pleasant boner.

[38:05] As opposed to the sort of colder...

[38:08] You know, like...

[38:08] Those cold boners?

[38:09] The cold, like the ones like you're just not...

Dan McCoy

[38:11] From that cold blood that's rushing into your face.

Zhubin Parang

[38:13] Like when Mr. Freeze is aroused.

[38:15] Yeah.

[38:15] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[38:17] No.

[38:17] Is this a good, bad movie?

[38:18] A movie that you drive pleasure from because it is bad?

[38:22] A bad, bad movie?

[38:23] A movie you just dislike?

[38:24] Or a movie you kind of like?

[38:25] One that you find redeeming facets about?

[38:28] Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[38:29] I think I'm going to say I thought it was a good, bad movie.

[38:31] Yeah.

[38:31] I didn't think I was going to enjoy it at all.

[38:34] But it was so stupid and the twists kept coming by the end and it was so loud and fast that

[38:40] even though it is really bad, it was bad in a funny way.

Zhubin Parang

[38:46] Yeah.

[38:47] Jubin?

[38:47] Yeah.

[38:47] I guess I would agree with that too.

[38:49] There's like twists are pretty entertaining after a certain point.

[38:51] I think I would go so far as to say that excessive plot twists are what separate a bad, bad movie

[38:57] from a good, bad movie.

Elliott Kalan

[38:58] Hmm.

[38:58] Interesting.

[39:00] Yeah.

[39:00] That's the praying theory of good, bad, bad, bad dynamics.

Zhubin Parang

[39:03] Yeah.

[39:03] Like the separation line, I would say the praying theory is that.

[39:06] Remember, plot twists is very highly correlated with good, bad.

Dan McCoy

[39:10] It's been a while since we've had one of these, but I'm also going to say...

[39:13] You're right.

[39:13] Too long.

[39:14] Good, bad.

[39:15] This is a good, bad movie.

[39:16] It's very fast.

[39:19] It's 90 minutes long.

[39:20] I mean, there is a bit of a drag in the middle.

Elliott Kalan

[39:22] It definitely gets draggy when the characters have yelled at each other and thrown each other

[39:26] to the ground for the 80th time.

Dan McCoy

[39:28] There's a lot of twists.

[39:29] It's only 90 minutes.

[39:30] It's a master class in terrible acting.

[39:33] There's some good CGI fire at the end.

[39:36] Cam Kajan just like bursts into play.

[39:39] Like he had like a big drink of kerosene before.

[39:41] Yeah.

[39:42] He quickly becomes the fire.

Elliott Kalan

[39:44] I wish they just went all the way and had evil spirits escaping from his body while he

[39:49] was on fire.

Dan McCoy

[39:50] Wow.

[39:52] So that's a good...

[39:53] Yeah.

[39:53] I'm happy about that.

Elliott Kalan

[39:54] Good, bad movie.

[39:56] Trespass.

[39:56] It was worth it.

[39:57] I think it was worth a...

[39:58] Tres passos.

Dan McCoy

[40:00] I have a few letters to read here.

[40:03] This is the part where we answer fan letters.

[40:05] You guys get fan letters?

Elliott Kalan

[40:06] This is...

[40:06] Oh, yeah.

[40:07] This is a high-class operation you've hooked up with.

Zhubin Parang

[40:10] I wish I hadn't revealed all that information about my fraternity.

[40:12] I didn't know it was going to be so popular.

Dan McCoy

[40:16] This is from someone who says, call me Mippy on air.

[40:19] Okay, Mippy.

[40:20] That's weird.

[40:21] I hope it's not a sex thing.

[40:22] Give me...

Zhubin Parang

[40:23] Give me the dignity of Mippy.

[40:28] They call me Mr. Mippy.

Dan McCoy

[40:31] And she says, it's an email titled, meow.

Elliott Kalan

[40:37] Already off a good start.

[40:39] So Mippy wrote to say meow.

[40:41] Are you sure this is...

[40:43] Are you sure this is not...

[40:44] It's not a cat who's learned to work a computer?

Dan McCoy

[40:48] Yeah.

[40:49] No, she says, I work in a job that involves watching many film trailers.

[40:52] I'm being deliberately vague to avoid the sack.

[40:55] I think this is why she's calling herself Mippy.

[40:56] Ah, I see.

[40:58] Don't break that code, Mippy.

[41:00] Your podcast makes me feel as though you're watching the whole thing, so I don't have to.

[41:04] So I have a suggestion.

[41:05] Did lesbian vampire killers make it over to the U.S.?

[41:08] I'm intrigued to know if it is awful only if you are British and familiar with the charmless comedians,

[41:13] which star within.

[41:14] With a title like that, you may expect trashy fun along the lines of brain dead, dead alive,

[41:18] but I have the feeling you won't be getting it.

Elliott Kalan

[41:20] I actually feel like I expect it to be a seduction cinema film with like Misty Monday in it.

Dan McCoy

[41:25] Yeah.

[41:25] Well, I bring this up because to bolster my reputation as pervizoid number one.

[41:32] Have you seen this movie already?

[41:33] I've seen lesbian vampire killers.

[41:36] What?

[41:37] Like how?

[41:38] Is it a British movie?

[41:38] It's a British movie.

[41:39] It's a tongue-in-chief.

[41:40] I mean, like it's not...

[41:41] They had Dan at lesbian and they got him at vampire killers.

[41:44] It's a, you know, no, it's a comedy.

[41:47] It's a horror comedy.

[41:50] It's trying to be a comedy at least.

[41:52] But this is...

[41:53] I bring this up to just...

[41:55] I feel like diagnose a problem with exploitation films these days,

[41:59] which is that they're not exploitative enough.

[42:02] Like all of the exploitation...

Elliott Kalan

[42:03] You respect the actresses too much.

Dan McCoy

[42:06] Ellie, I know some things, so don't pretend to respect womankind more than you actually do.

[42:14] But I just...

[42:15] It's interesting to me that like...

[42:17] I know some things.

[42:19] It's interesting to me that like...

[42:20] Two plus two is four for one, so...

[42:23] Be quiet about women.

[42:24] I just think it's funny that I feel like exploitation...

[42:27] Modern exploitation movies, even ones like...

[42:30] Especially ones that are like campy or tongue-in-cheek, like they pack all of the exploitation into the title.

[42:36] Yeah.

[42:36] And then they don't follow through.

[42:37] Like I mean like they don't...

[42:39] They don't have the sense of fun that they need to have.

Elliott Kalan

[42:42] That's what most exploitation movies were like though.

[42:45] Where they would give you a title that was really crazy and maybe a couple moments for a trailer and the rest would be like characters driving between locations or bands that had paid to appear in the movie or things like that.

[42:57] But you're right.

[42:58] There's...

[42:58] People should have no better than to do that now because they know what makes a good exploitation-y, you know, cheapy movie.

Dan McCoy

[43:06] Yeah.

[43:06] Like I feel like, you know, we should have a higher class of exploitation by now, Juvan.

Zhubin Parang

[43:12] What would you...

[43:13] Because I'm not really familiar with modern exploitation movies.

[43:15] What would you say would be like a modern one aside from lesbian vampire killers?

[43:19] One that would be more popular that I would know about, for example.

Elliott Kalan

[43:22] You know, I mean Drive Angry 3D was basically a big budget exploitation movie.

[43:26] Unfortunately, it didn't get the balance right and there were times when it was a little too gross.

[43:33] Like when you had the main...

[43:35] Like anytime a nude woman was on screen, they were either going to get beaten up or traumatized and it was like...

[43:42] Yeah, I don't need that.

[43:44] But, uh...

[43:44] I don't know.

[43:46] Like, you know, you...

[43:47] I mean, Dan always has a soft spot for movies with, you know, bikini girls or things like that, you know, or...

[43:53] Yeah, I mean...

[43:53] People's heads exploding.

[43:54] But there's...

[43:54] I mean, we all like those things.

Zhubin Parang

[43:56] I guess, yeah, when I think exploitation, I think of like the trauma video, like films of the 80s, like Toxic Avenger.

[44:01] I think of, I guess, like Private School, like those movies where they were just basically thinly veiled excuses to show...

[44:07] I do enjoy the 80s, TNA, 80s comedies.

[44:10] I guess that's what I think of when I think of exploitation.

[44:12] That's probably not what...

[44:13] And then there's the horror side of it, you know, where you have like...

Dan McCoy

[44:17] There was like some great stuff in the 80s, like Reanimator or Evil Dead that was like not...

[44:22] Didn't have like the sex thing, but it was like a splatter comedy.

Elliott Kalan

[44:25] Well, it seems like exploitation movies kind of came up because people could make really cheap movies that they could get a lot of money on fast because they would just put in the elements that would play the lowest common denominator.

[44:38] And then you had basically it seemed like a generation or two of people who really liked those elements and were willing to put a certain amount of enthusiasm and craft and energy into making those movies.

[44:52] And they knew what buttons they had to hit, but they hit them harder and better because they liked doing it.

[44:56] It wasn't just a quick cash grab.

Dan McCoy

[44:58] But now I feel like we have a generation of people who have nostalgia for the idea of exploitation, but like want to make the PG-13 version of that.

[45:07] They want to make an acceptable mainstream, respectable version.

Elliott Kalan

[45:11] And you can't do it without losing that.

[45:13] The frisson of...

[45:15] Yeah, exactly.

Zhubin Parang

[45:16] That made it...

[45:17] I bet you we're 10 years out from a Tarantino of 80s TNA movies.

[45:21] Yeah.

[45:22] I really...

[45:23] I think in 10, 15 years, you're going to assign someone like once our age gets to have control of directorial level studio money, you'll see like a resurgence of like 80s TNA.

[45:31] Like an homage the way he does to those 70s slasher movies.

Elliott Kalan

[45:33] I kind of feel like the American Pie movies were a little bit like that.

[45:38] Yeah, a little bit.

Zhubin Parang

[45:39] It was about a bunch of guys just trying to get laid.

[45:41] Yeah, you could do that.

[45:41] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[45:43] But yeah, but like Tarantino seems to be one of the few guys who like gets the things that made those exploitation movies fun and has the...

[45:50] And does it to the hilt, you know?

[45:53] Yeah.

[45:53] But doesn't do it so much to the hilt that you're like, ugh, this makes me feel gross.

Dan McCoy

[45:57] So to move on, this...

[46:00] Dot org.

[46:00] ...email is from...

[46:02] You can make a difference.

[46:03] Is this Mippy again?

[46:04] Well, I'll just read it because she explains.

[46:08] But it's titled, An Excuse to Get Elliot to Talk Even More.

[46:12] Yay!

[46:13] I don't need it.

[46:13] I don't need it, baby.

[46:15] Let me tell you about my day today.

[46:16] I don't.

[46:16] So I woke up.

[46:17] Oh, God.

[46:18] 6.30 a.m.

[46:19] Here it comes.

[46:19] Like always.

[46:20] Okay.

[46:21] That...

[46:21] Yeah.

[46:22] It says, I decided that since there's been confusion caused by the similarities in my first name and Dan's wife's first name,

[46:28] I would identify myself using only my last name, which is Aron.

[46:33] I think it's Aron.

[46:34] Maybe Aaron.

[46:36] But I'll say Aaron.

[46:37] Aragon.

[46:38] Aragorn.

[46:40] I was recently perusing...

[46:41] Michael Dorn.

[46:42] ...a copy of Earth the Book, which I had stolen from a local book merchant.

[46:45] I don't approve of that.

[46:47] No residuals for anyone?

[46:49] Or...

[46:49] Oh, we don't get royalties on that.

[46:50] Royalties.

[46:50] Okay.

[46:51] And I noticed that in the chapter on death, there's a picture of the Crypt Keeper.

[46:55] Knowing that Elliot was a writer for the book and knowing that he seems to be a fan of the pun-tastic corpse,

[46:59] I have to ask how much begging and pleading was used in order to get the Crypt Keeper in the book,

[47:03] and how many puns went unpublished.

[47:05] Take as much time as possible to tell some of those jokes now in the Crypt Keeper's voice, of course.

[47:10] Thanks for all the laughs and tears, gents.

[47:13] I mean, I don't know...

[47:14] Wow.

[47:15] I don't know whether you can say, like, what jokes were whose or anything.

Elliott Kalan

[47:18] I can say what jokes...

[47:19] Some of which jokes were mine, but I don't remember whose were whose for all of them.

[47:24] I mean, it does not take a lot to get the Crypt Keeper into a Daily Show thing.

[47:28] At some point, it was like the Daily Show decided that certain things that Elliot likes were just gonna go in fairly easily,

[47:36] like the Crypt Keeper or the X-Men.

[47:39] Some things don't.

[47:40] I wrote a Mac and Me joke the other day that I thought was great.

[47:43] That didn't get in.

[47:45] But...

Dan McCoy

[47:46] I mean, you know, culturally, I think that Mac and Me has less penetration.

[47:51] Is a touchstone.

[47:52] Is a major touchstone.

[47:54] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[47:55] But what was the...

[47:56] So what's the...

[47:57] I'm sorry, I lost track of the question.

Dan McCoy

[47:59] I think there's just a picture of the Crypt Keeper.

Elliott Kalan

[48:01] But, like, that was...

[48:02] I don't think I wrote the Crypt Keeper joke.

[48:03] I don't think.

[48:04] But, you know, there's a very specific sensibility that the show...

[48:10] That the people at the show have, and I fit into it.

[48:12] So...

Dan McCoy

[48:13] All right.

[48:13] Well, this email is titled...

Elliott Kalan

[48:15] Go write in and ask about any other jokes, and I'll let you know if I wrote them or not.

Dan McCoy

[48:19] This email is titled, uh...

[48:20] Finally.

[48:22] It's from John.

[48:23] Last name was held.

[48:24] And it says,

[48:25] After four years, four months, and eight days of Flophouse episodes, someone finally called Dan out on his inability to correctly pronounce the short E sound in the English language.

[48:35] I am referring to Elliot's confusion starting around 1938 in the Conan the Barbarian episode upon hearing Dan apparently mention winches.

[48:46] Yeah, you started talking about having sex with winches.

[48:50] It's weird.

[48:51] Why this particular abuse of our mother tongue happened to catch Elliot's ear, I'll never know.

[48:56] Coming as it did after 93 previous podcasts in which Dan opined about the temperature, observed tense moments...

Elliott Kalan

[49:04] Temperature, tense, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[49:06] ...discussed revenge plots, and marveled at tentacle creatures.

[49:10] Tentacle.

[49:11] Later in the Conan episode, Dan read a letter in which a listener described Elliot as, according to Dan, a general pedant.

[49:21] This is what's commonly known as a teachable moment.

[49:25] Here was an opportunity for Dan to practice his short E sound in two consecutive words.

[49:30] Instead, he chose to horribly mispronounce both words, surely angering the pedantic champ versus chomp letter writer.

[49:39] But this time his co-hosts were silent.

[49:41] And Stuart, I assume, had slipped into his customary late episode Popeyes induced coma.

[49:45] Doesn't eat Popeyes.

[49:46] Stuart doesn't eat the Popeyes, I do.

[49:48] But when Dan came for the short...

[49:50] It's a Coors Light induced coma.

[49:52] When Dan came for the short E's, Elliot also said nothing.

[49:54] Perhaps when Dan comes for the doubled consonants, there will be no one left to speak for Elliot.

[49:58] No!

[49:59] John, last name with hello.

[50:00] That hits me where I live.

[50:01] P.S.

[50:01] Five head and seven pounds seem like tailor-made enemies.

[50:04] One demands a particular exact quantity in his crimes, while the other habitually adds one to the expected amount.

[50:10] Together they could launch a golden age of OCD comic rivalries.

[50:14] Now, look, I...

[50:16] I like the idea of a five head, seven pounds crossover, I have to say.

Elliott Kalan

[50:20] Well, let's address this character assassination because...

[50:23] Of your terrible way with pronouncing things?

[50:25] Well...

[50:26] See?

[50:26] Pronouncing.

[50:26] He didn't even catch me there.

[50:27] It's pronouncing things.

Zhubin Parang

[50:29] God, your fans are both obsessive and very critical.

[50:31] Yeah.

[50:32] They love us and hate us.

[50:32] It's the worst combination of characteristics for your fans to have.

[50:35] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[50:35] First, let me assure you that in day-to-day life, I've had plenty of people point out my inability

[50:42] to differentiate, for instance, between the thing people put in clothes...

[50:50] Hangers.

[50:50] ...and the thing people write with.

[50:52] Markers.

[50:52] No.

[50:54] Pen and pen.

[50:54] I say them the same.

[50:56] Oh.

[50:56] Oh, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[50:57] So you would say pig pen when you mean pig pen.

[51:03] Look.

[51:03] And you would say pen pig when you mean a pig that you use as a pen.

[51:06] I don't think he switches them.

[51:07] He just can't say one.

Dan McCoy

[51:08] I speak, in most cases, with a perfect newscaster's American accent.

[51:18] In this one case, for some reason, he decides that he needs to be a jerk and pick out my charming

[51:26] regionalism.

Elliott Kalan

[51:27] Like, say entomology.

[51:29] Entomology.

[51:29] Yeah.

[51:30] Entomology.

[51:31] Yeah.

[51:31] You say it all weird.

Zhubin Parang

[51:32] You know, Tom Broca has that one small glottal stop.

[51:35] I feel like this is what distinguishes you and gives you that extra...

Elliott Kalan

[51:38] Tom Broca, he can't even finish words.

Zhubin Parang

[51:40] But that's his thing, though.

[51:41] All the great newscasters have got one small distinguishing characteristic that really raise

[51:46] them above just the average effluvia of newscasters.

[51:49] So I'd say this is critical.

Elliott Kalan

[51:50] It's like how Walter Conkite, he only said the with a Spanish accent.

[51:55] Yeah.

[51:56] So he'd be like, today, the president went to...

[51:59] That kind of thing.

Dan McCoy

[51:59] I mean, everyone has their charming regionalisms.

[52:01] I mean, no one has called Stuart out on his amazing Fort Wayne accent.

[52:05] I can't even tell.

[52:07] He sounds like Shakespeare himself.

[52:09] Mm-hmm.

Elliott Kalan

[52:10] Stuart has one...

[52:10] He sounds like the platonic ideal of the English language.

Dan McCoy

[52:12] Stuart has one of the most extravagant voices of anyone I've met, and I thought it was just

[52:16] Stuart until I met two other people from Fort Wayne.

Elliott Kalan

[52:18] I think what it is is that Stuart goes out of his way to twist so many of his words, like

[52:21] the fact that he says, Sam Yumri and Meowster.

[52:25] That at that point, I just assume he does any mispronunciations on purpose.

Dan McCoy

[52:29] No.

[52:29] Part of that is like he has...

[52:31] It is actually a Fort Wayne drawl.

[52:33] Okay.

[52:35] But I would like to thank the podcast listeners for being enough of a dick to point out my mispronunciation.

Zhubin Parang

[52:42] I don't want to come back on this thing if this is the level of fan reception.

[52:45] Oh, you're going to get ripped to shreds for the fans.

[52:46] I don't.

[52:47] I wish we hadn't said my name in the beginning.

[52:48] Are there any other letters?

Dan McCoy

[52:51] Let's save the last one for next time because we're running along and just get straight

[52:56] to recommendations of movies that we saw that we might want to point people to instead

[53:02] of Trespass.

[53:03] Like a movie compass.

[53:04] We got a lot of joy out of Trespass.

Zhubin Parang

[53:06] It's not a bad movie to watch with.

[53:07] It is a bad movie.

[53:08] I mean, it wouldn't be the worst choice to just watch with some friends on a...

[53:12] ...on a winter night.

[53:13] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[53:14] Winter...

[53:15] I'm not a romantic winter.

[53:16] You're snowed in at a cabin.

[53:17] You have the Movies with Friends app.

[53:20] Yeah.

[53:20] You should watch this one.

[53:21] This is a good thing to watch with your friends.

[53:22] They'll get caught up in the story while you are planning how to murder and eat them.

[53:26] Yeah.

[53:26] Because you don't have enough food in the cabin.

[53:28] Yep.

[53:28] It's a winter night.

Zhubin Parang

[53:29] Or if you just want to watch it with them on that winter night.

[53:31] Like, you know, whatever your range of motives are, this is a good movie to fulfill them.

[53:35] Should I go first?

Elliott Kalan

[53:36] Sure.

[53:36] I'm going to recommend two things.

[53:38] First, on February 1st, Wednesday night, I'm going to be showing my regular movie, monthly

[53:43] movie screening series at 92Y Tribeca.

[53:45] We're showing Dead End with Humphrey Bogart, Sylvia Sidney, Joel McRae.

[53:49] It's a William Wyler movie produced by Samuel Goldwyn, screenplay by Lillian Hellman, all-star

[53:54] cast, and before and behind the camera, and the movie that introduced the world to the

[53:58] Dead End kids.

[53:59] You might know them as the Bowery Boys.

[54:01] It's a really good old classic.

[54:05] No, no.

[54:05] It's a good, good movie.

[54:06] It's an old classic Hollywood drama and very good, and I'll be showing that.

[54:09] I also saw a recent movie that I enjoyed, a comedy called The Good Fairy from the 30s that

[54:14] Preston Sturgis wrote.

[54:16] And then, actually, I think William Wyler directed that too.

[54:19] And it wasn't an amazing movie, but it was a very delightful, you know, old-style 30s

[54:24] comedy.

[54:25] Light Like a Soap Bubble.

[54:26] Dan?

Dan McCoy

[54:28] I don't know that I have one.

[54:30] I have to admit it.

[54:31] Jubin?

[54:32] I can't remember movies that I've seen recently.

[54:34] We talked about this on the subway here.

[54:36] I haven't had time.

[54:37] I've been watching television.

[54:39] I will say that I got HBO Go on my iPad, and I started watching Band of Brothers, which

[54:44] I didn't think I was going to like, because I feel like there was a whole slew of greatest

[54:48] generation bullshit that got thrown at us all at once.

[54:51] Yeah, it really was.

[54:51] Way to invite the negative letters.

[54:54] But, no, but this is all prelude to say that I started watching it, and I'm really enjoying

[54:59] it.

[54:59] So, that's not a movie, but it's a film thing that I have enjoyed recently.

Zhubin Parang

[55:07] Jubin, go.

[55:08] I really, I was actually talking about this earlier with Dan and Elliot about Tinker, Taylor,

[55:14] Soldier, Spy, which I really enjoyed watching the movie version with Gary Oldman.

[55:21] With Gary Oldman?

Dan McCoy

[55:21] You saw it with him?

Zhubin Parang

[55:22] I saw it with him.

[55:23] He was embarrassed to see himself on film, which I think is endearing.

[55:27] But he's, you know, but I was, I was telling him, Gary, you're great in this.

Elliott Kalan

[55:30] And unfortunately, he just kept nudging you with his album, and here's a good part.

[55:33] Yeah, yeah.

[55:33] Watch this part.

[55:34] This is a good part.

Zhubin Parang

[55:35] It really distracted me.

[55:36] I saw it in theaters, but I had seen the Alec Guinness miniseries beforehand, and I

[55:41] would recommend the miniseries, and not the movie.

[55:45] There's a little twist.

[55:46] Watch, watch the movie.

[55:47] Definitely watch the movie.

[55:48] That is a trespass level twist.

[55:49] It is a trespass level twist.

[55:51] Watch the miniseries first, if you haven't already seen the movie.

[55:54] I think you'll enjoy it a bit more.

[55:56] It's six hours, which, it's a British miniseries from the 70s.

[56:00] It's longer, but it delves more into the characters who might be the mole.

[56:06] And so the plot is much more richly rewarding, and the final reveal of the mole is much more

[56:13] rewarding when you know all the possible moles.

[56:16] The movie, I think, crams it a bit too much.

[56:18] I still think it should have gotten a Best Picture nomination over half of the ones that

[56:22] were revealed yesterday, easily.

Dan McCoy

[56:24] You've been railing against, particularly, War Horse and Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close

[56:29] getting a nomination.

Zhubin Parang

[56:30] Those were not Best Picture worthy movies.

[56:33] Yeah, I think that when, I mean, it's all relative, and I think those, especially.

Elliott Kalan

[56:36] And the Oscars are also ludicrous and bunk, you know.

Zhubin Parang

[56:38] Yeah, you know, I, every time I complain about the Oscars, I always think of that, and it

[56:43] never helps my, it never distills my, yeah, it never, it never like weakens my anger.

[56:47] It's just, it's ridiculous that people who are supposedly do this for a living would be

[56:50] like, well, the help is certainly deserving of the whole night of fanfare.

Dan McCoy

[56:54] Well, you have a deep well of rage, you know, like, head in between, like a veil of pleasantness.

[56:59] I do, I do.

[57:00] There's a lot of things.

[57:00] And you know how they got that?

[57:01] Well, fracking.

[57:02] A lot of fracking.

[57:04] Unbelievable.

[57:05] It's really, like, it's not going to help us, guys.

[57:07] No, in the long run, it's doing more damage than good.

[57:08] There's a really inflated view, like, we're not going to get 100 years of gas out of that.

Elliott Kalan

[57:12] Who knows what chemicals they pumped into Jumin to get that rage out of there.

[57:16] I was like, the focus of this podcast would have shifted in the last two minutes.

Zhubin Parang

[57:20] It's 58 minutes of movie discussion, two intense minutes of leftist activism.

[57:25] We should save this for the frack cast.

[57:28] The frack house.

Dan McCoy

[57:29] Which starts right now.

[57:30] Welcome to fracking.

[57:32] It's very disappointing.

[57:33] People think that it's a Battlestar Galactica fan cast.

[57:36] But that's the Galact house.

[57:39] The Galaga house is our classic video game cast.

[57:42] Yeah.

[57:43] Anyway.

[57:45] So, Jumin, thank you so much for coming on.

[57:48] Hey, here's the thing.

[57:50] Anything you want to plug?

Zhubin Parang

[57:52] Oh.

[57:54] Real quickly.

[57:54] Yeah, sure.

[57:55] Well, no.

[57:56] Faster.

[57:57] No, there's nothing I want to plug.

[57:58] Sorry.

[57:59] No, I was a plug.

[58:00] That was a real dead end.

[58:02] Yeah, I'm sorry.

[58:03] It's a real waste of time.

[58:04] It was kind of sprung on me.

[58:05] I have nothing going on right now that's worth anybody knowing about.

Dan McCoy

[58:08] I mean, just Google Jumin Parang.

[58:10] It's spelled like it sounds.

[58:11] Jumin Parang.

[58:15] Jumin Parang.

[58:15] Jumin Parang as in Jumin.

[58:16] Yeah.

[58:17] Go to IMDb.

[58:18] Look up The Daily Show.

[58:20] Go down the list of writers.

[58:21] Find the one that looks like it would be pronounced Jumin Parang.

[58:23] It's a lot of work.

[58:25] Google that.

[58:26] Really a lot of work.

[58:27] And then you'll see things that Jumin Parang.

[58:28] Just, you know, browse through.

[58:29] See what happens.

[58:29] You'll see things you wish you hadn't seen.

[58:31] Yeah.

[58:32] But thanks for listening.

[58:34] And thanks again to everyone who came on to the live show.

[58:36] Thanks for having me on.

[58:37] I appreciate it.

[58:37] Oh, our pleasure.

Elliott Kalan

[58:38] Nice work.

[58:39] Thank you.

[58:39] But yeah, thanks for everyone who came to the live show and for everyone who listened

[58:41] tonight.

[58:42] Today.

[58:43] To now.

Zhubin Parang

[58:44] And a big thank you to our fans.

Elliott Kalan

[58:46] Again.

[58:47] Not your fans.

Zhubin Parang

[58:48] It's very presumptuous.

Elliott Kalan

[58:49] But for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[58:53] I will continue to be Elliot Kalin, or will I?

[58:56] And I'm Jumin Parang.

[58:57] Guest.

[58:58] Good night, everyone.

[58:59] Good night.

Elliott Kalan

[58:59] Good night, everyone.

[59:09] Good night.

[59:10] Good night.

Elliott Kalan

[59:10] Good night.

[59:11] Good night.

The Flop House: Episode #96 - Trespass

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