The Flop House: Episode #96 - Dream House

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss the TLC home makeover show, Dreamhouse.

[0:05] That's what this thing's about, right?

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:35] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:40] Hey, it's been a while.

[0:41] It's been a while, guys.

[0:42] It has been.

[0:43] We've been living our lives, living it up.

[0:44] We had an excellent guest host in Jubin, but we're glad to have Stuart back.

[0:49] Nobody can replace Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[0:50] Except for his evil twin, Stu with three U's, Art.

[0:53] Okay.

[0:55] He has a goatee, that one.

[0:56] Yeah, yeah.

[0:57] But you sometimes have a beard.

Stuart Wellington

[0:59] I guess I was sitting out on my front porch with my fishing rod on the wrong day, huh, guys?

Elliott Kalan

[1:07] Yeah.

[1:08] Well, if you're trying to fish off your front porch, it was the wrong day every day.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] When I was going to come over and do a Flophouse, but I got all scheduled wrong.

Dan McCoy

[1:16] Yeah, well, I mean, you were gone, and then I was gone.

[1:20] Elliot was here.

[1:22] Elliot, oddly enough, was in my apartment the whole time, being like, when are we going to do this, guys?

[1:26] Yeah.

[1:27] Talking to no one.

[1:28] Just fondly talking to no one.

[1:30] And the thing is, Elliot hates the talk.

[1:32] Yeah.

[1:34] So it was a real hardship for me.

[1:36] Elliot hates the talk, but he loves cats is the thing.

[1:38] That's the weird thing.

[1:39] Yep.

[1:41] This is Bizarro Elliot we're talking about.

[1:47] I was trying to, I couldn't think of the tortured syntax that Bizarro Elliot would.

[1:51] Me-am hate cats.

[1:52] There you go.

[1:53] That means he likes cats.

Elliott Kalan

[1:55] But now we're all back.

[1:56] Me-am love Popeyes.

[1:58] That means he hates it.

[1:59] Oh, wow.

[2:00] Bizarro Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[2:04] That's funny.

[2:05] His new favorite character.

[2:07] Oh, that's funny.

[2:09] Yeah.

[2:10] But now we're all back together.

[2:12] Now America's long national nightmare is over.

Elliott Kalan

[2:15] Well, some of it.

[2:16] Yeah.

[2:16] Mm-hmm.

[2:17] It always could turn out that America is listening to this while in its underpants about to take

[2:22] a test it's never studied for.

Stuart Wellington

[2:23] So Dan, your couch is now warmer from having three boy bottoms on it.

[2:29] I don't like the way you put that.

[2:31] I find that creepy.

Dan McCoy

[2:32] And it smells a little bit like boy farts.

[2:35] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[2:35] A little bit.

[2:36] Well, a lot of it.

[2:38] Barts, we call them.

[2:39] Why are you putting your headset in?

[2:41] You want to know what the levels are?

[2:42] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:42] I'm trying to maintain.

[2:44] Well, this is already the most fascinating flop house intro ever.

[2:47] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[2:49] Okay.

[2:49] Well, we're a little rusty.

[2:50] Should we get to it?

[2:51] We're a little rusty on this.

[2:52] Yeah.

[2:52] Okay.

[2:52] So wait.

[2:52] What do we do here, guys?

[2:53] We watch a movie and then we discuss it.

[2:56] Okay.

[2:56] Typically a bad movie.

[2:57] Did we watch the movie already?

[2:59] Let's not prejudge.

[3:00] Okay.

[3:00] We did watch it.

[3:01] I'm not surprised that it slipped out of your mind already.

[3:04] Yeah.

[3:04] Because it is.

Stuart Wellington

[3:06] As opposed to being stuck there and not being able to be removed despite psychiatrists telling

[3:10] you that that movie never happened.

[3:13] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[3:13] It sounds like the movie we watched that I don't remember.

Dan McCoy

[3:16] Yeah.

[3:16] That's a joke that will make more sense once Elliot synopsizes the film that we just watched.

Elliott Kalan

[3:20] And what was the film, Daniel?

Dan McCoy

[3:20] It was called Dream House.

[3:23] I don't think it was pronounced that way.

[3:25] Yep.

[3:26] That's how it was set up in the movie.

[3:29] It was like, Daniel Craig, welcome to your dream house.

[3:33] His name was Daniel Craig in the movie?

[3:36] What have you won with your dream house?

[3:37] Well, you've won Rachel Weisz and two adorable children.

[3:41] Names, DVD.

[3:42] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[3:44] Not Dream Howls.

[3:47] I don't know.

[3:47] Is that an ischia werewolf in this movie?

[3:50] Or Ghosts Howl sometimes.

[3:53] Oh, shit.

[3:54] Oh, boy.

[3:54] Can I spoil it?

Dan McCoy

[3:54] Dream Krause?

[3:56] Where they win Peter Krause?

[3:58] That's the best Peter Krause of all possible Peter Krauses.

[4:01] Dream Louse?

[4:03] So, Elliot, what happened in this movie that we may or may not have watched?

[4:07] Now that you're done rhyming things.

Elliott Kalan

[4:09] Dream Spouse.

[4:12] Sure.

[4:13] Dream Gouse.

[4:14] Not a word.

[4:16] Rouse.

[4:18] And anyway, Dream House.

[4:21] Let's just do this fucking thing, okay?

[4:23] Dream House.

[4:25] What's his name?

[4:26] I dare you to figure out what happened.

[4:28] I was going to say Clive Owen.

[4:29] Daniel Craig.

[4:30] So many twists and turns.

[4:30] Daniel Craig is our...

[4:31] Hello, it's me, Daniel Craig.

[4:33] To me, sounds like...

[4:35] Hello, hello, hello.

[4:36] He opened with his famous line, hello, hello, hello.

[4:39] It's me, Daniel Craig.

[4:42] What's all this thing?

[4:44] Oh, run up the outbound stairs.

[4:45] Oh, blimey, it's me.

[4:46] Chimney sweep, pudding and pie.

[4:48] Eggie bread.

[4:49] Your favorite actor, Daniel Craig.

[4:52] He turned into...

[4:53] Any imitation you do turns into Michael Caine.

Stuart Wellington

[4:56] Close your eyes.

[4:58] You got Clive Owen on the screen.

Elliott Kalan

[5:00] Same guy.

[5:01] Same person.

[5:02] You never seen him in the same room at the same time, right?

[5:04] Never.

[5:05] Never.

[5:05] So Daniel Craig is Will Atenten with the ridiculously stupid name, and you'll find out why.

[5:12] He is a book editor who leaves his job in order to write a novel.

[5:17] His dream job.

[5:18] And leaves the city to live in an unnamed New York area suburb with his wife, Rachel Weiss, Libby, and his daughters, who are girls.

[5:27] Trish?

[5:28] Trish and...

[5:29] There's Titi and something.

[5:31] And Titi.

[5:33] And something or other.

[5:34] Anyway, they're in this new house.

[5:36] Everything seems like it's going to be great.

[5:38] We are reminded that they have a happy marriage for about 25 minutes.

[5:41] And then there's a sinister person who seems to be lurking outside of the house.

[5:46] Strange things are going on.

[5:48] Daniel Craig is not welcome in this town, and his family is scared.

Stuart Wellington

[5:52] And you're assuming everybody else is crazy, because our hero, who we only see the movie through his point of view, couldn't be crazy.

[5:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:59] He is surely a reliable narrator.

Elliott Kalan

[6:02] Don't call me Shirley, and you're wrong.

[6:04] What?

[6:05] Because it turns out, in an amazing twist, that their house, actually a murder took place there five years before, a man named Peter Ward.

[6:13] Why would that be a twist?

[6:14] Well, it'll be a twist later.

[6:17] It's a twist.

[6:17] You don't expect the house.

[6:19] It's called Dream House.

[6:19] You expect it to be a great house.

[6:20] Stuart, don't get twist greedy.

[6:22] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[6:22] Just like when I saw Money Pit, I expected there to be a giant pit full of money in it.

[6:27] Exactly.

[6:27] But in fact, there's a house that falls apart.

Elliott Kalan

[6:29] Yeah.

[6:30] Anytime the title isn't exactly what the movie is, it's a twist.

[6:35] So he finds there's a murder that took place.

[6:38] A man killed his whole family, and they think this man is trying to come back into the house to kill them.

[6:45] Should I reveal the twists in this movie?

[6:47] And it was a couple years ago, right?

[6:48] It was five years earlier.

Dan McCoy

[6:49] Why not reveal the twist?

[6:51] Because as we'll probably get into later, the trailer revealed the twist to this movie.

[6:55] And also there's no reason to see this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[6:56] Yeah.

[6:56] But it turns out, surprise, surprise, Daniel Craig's character is Peter Ward.

[7:03] Will, a 10-10, is based off of his ID bracelet at the mental home, which is like W1LL1010.

Stuart Wellington

[7:12] I thought it was just W1181010.

[7:15] A1010, I think.

[7:16] I think it's 81010.

Elliott Kalan

[7:17] It's okay.

[7:18] You win.

[7:19] I don't care.

[7:20] It's not worth fighting over.

[7:22] He listened to a lot of New York radio.

Dan McCoy

[7:24] He listened to a lot of 10-10 winds.

Elliott Kalan

[7:26] It's where he got his traffic and weather on the ones.

Dan McCoy

[7:28] And that's where it came from.

[7:29] Will, a 10-10 winds.

Elliott Kalan

[7:30] Read a lot of 10-10 comics.

[7:32] And rode a tauntaun.

[7:35] Over into town town.

[7:38] Which is a town.

[7:39] Which is appropriate because it's a snowbound town.

[7:41] It is a snowbound town.

[7:42] What a great movie this would be if it was the same movie but they just rode tauntauns everywhere instead of cars.

[7:48] And they never explain it.

[7:50] You're like, I guess this movie's on Hoth?

[7:52] But anywho.

[7:53] So it turns out Daniel Craig was this man, Peter Ward.

[7:57] He didn't leave his job at a publishing company.

Dan McCoy

[8:00] Wait, Peter Ward?

[8:00] That's a crazy name.

Elliott Kalan

[8:02] No one would have that name.

[8:03] He left a mental hospital.

[8:05] They didn't have enough evidence to convict him of the murders of his family.

[8:09] But everyone thinks he did it.

[8:10] And he now has to figure out what's going on.

[8:13] Whenever he goes to the house, it's in perfect condition.

[8:16] And his family is there.

[8:17] Or is it not?

[8:18] It turns out the house is abandoned.

[8:20] It's been condemned.

[8:21] And he's imagining his family.

[8:24] Are they ghosts?

[8:25] He goes back and breaks the news to the ghosts that they're dead.

[8:28] The two little girls die.

[8:30] And Rachel Weisz is not happy.

[8:32] She is not accepting this.

Dan McCoy

[8:33] The two little girls are a lot, you know, like they take the news that they're dead a lot better.

[8:38] Like, I mean, I guess when you're a kid, you know, you haven't.

Stuart Wellington

[8:40] You believe in your dad.

[8:42] When your dad tells you.

[8:42] They get sick.

[8:45] You take the world as it comes.

[8:47] I'm alive.

[8:48] I'm dead.

[8:48] Whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[8:49] Look, I'm a kid.

[8:50] It's all coming at me.

[8:51] I'm ready for it all.

[8:52] Just life's a roller coaster.

[8:54] I want every experience.

Stuart Wellington

[8:55] And luckily for Willa Tenten, beautiful booted neighbor Naomi Watts is there.

[9:01] It's across the street.

[9:02] Yeah, she does wear boots.

Dan McCoy

[9:03] That's her number one personality trait.

Stuart Wellington

[9:06] And she cares about Daniel.

[9:09] Wait.

[9:10] Peter Ward.

[9:11] Just call him Daniel Craig.

[9:12] It's fine.

Dan McCoy

[9:14] Hello, hello, hello.

[9:15] It's me, Daniel Craig.

[9:16] Hello.

[9:17] Naomi Watts here.

[9:18] Hello.

[9:19] You know.

[9:20] Hey.

Elliott Kalan

[9:21] Hey, you look like a man who enjoys a pint.

[9:23] Would you like to have a pint with me, Daniel Craig?

[9:26] Uh-oh.

[9:26] Dan thinks he's Daniel Craig.

[9:28] Quicks do it.

[9:29] But he's not.

[9:29] He's a ghost.

[9:30] Oh, no.

[9:31] But that's not what happens in the movie.

[9:32] Twist ending.

[9:34] Naomi Watts and her daughter live across the street.

[9:36] We know that Naomi Watts and her ex-husband are very angry at each other.

[9:40] They don't like each other.

[9:42] Also, when Daniel Craig took the train back into town, he saw Elias Codius.

[9:46] You may know him as Casey Jones from the Ninja Turtles movie.

Dan McCoy

[9:50] You probably know him as Casey Jones.

[9:52] Well, it is maybe his-

Elliott Kalan

[9:53] Your listeners are aware of it.

[9:54] His signature role, Casey Jones from the Ninja Turtles movie.

[9:59] Yeah, name the other role that's indelibly linked to Elias Codius.

[10:04] He was in Lost Highway, right?

[10:05] That was him?

[10:06] Yeah, sure.

[10:06] Great.

[10:07] Okay.

[10:07] You obviously remembered everything about the character.

[10:10] Where the Day Takes You.

Stuart Wellington

[10:13] I think that was that.

[10:15] Anywho.

[10:16] He's probably been a creepo on various CIS-style programs.

[10:20] He's the guy who looks-

Dan McCoy

[10:21] Or a Law and Order creepo unit.

[10:22] He's the guy who looks like Chris Maloney.

[10:24] I know that.

[10:25] Yeah, I think Chris Maloney-

Stuart Wellington

[10:26] They should be in a buddy cop comedy together.

[10:28] They should be brothers.

[10:29] Brothers who are assigned to the same case.

[10:31] Like my Josh Duhamel-Timothy Oliphant project that I'm working on.

[10:34] Timothy Oliphant.

Elliott Kalan

[10:36] He's like-

[10:37] You might as well just go all the way and say Timothy Elephant at that point.

[10:40] Timothy Oiphant.

Stuart Wellington

[10:42] Timothy Mumakil.

[10:44] What?

[10:44] Huh?

[10:45] Oh, what?

[10:46] I thought we were talking about Lord of the Rings again.

[10:47] No, we're not.

Elliott Kalan

[10:48] Nobody was ever talking about that.

[10:51] So anyway-

[10:51] Okay, well we lost Stuart.

[10:52] He's walking away from the microphone.

[10:55] He's just getting-

[10:55] He apparently forgot how he did this podcast.

[10:59] He thought that he was out for a round.

[11:00] Oh, there he is.

[11:01] So it turns out his family is dead.

[11:06] He has to get down to the bottom of who killed them because he didn't kill them.

[11:09] Naomi Watts is trying to help him.

[11:11] Things are incredibly slow.

[11:13] What I've told you takes about an hour and a half, but it should take 30 minutes.

[11:18] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:18] No, the movie is 90 minutes.

[11:20] And-

[11:20] It's very slow though.

[11:21] The one thing that distinguishes it is the big twist comes halfway through the film.

Elliott Kalan

[11:25] It comes and-

[11:26] But I'm not done yet with the twists.

[11:28] Okay.

[11:29] Oh, there's another twist?

[11:30] Naomi Watts and Craig T. Nelson are in the house together, the abandoned house-

[11:34] I don't think that's right.

[11:34] That he lived in now that he's Burt Ward and not 1010 wins.

[11:38] And her ex-husband and Elias Codius come in.

[11:41] They attack.

[11:42] It turns out Elias Codius was a local hitman.

[11:46] Every town's got one.

[11:47] Yeah.

[11:48] And Naomi Watts is-

Dan McCoy

[11:48] I think he was a drifter actually.

[11:50] I think that was the thing.

[11:51] But he hasn't drifted that far during the period that Daniel Craig was in.

Elliott Kalan

[11:54] Usually a drifter doesn't hang out for five years in the town he killed someone in.

[11:58] Exactly.

[11:58] That he killed a family in.

[12:00] But it turns out that the ex-husband hired Elias Codius to kill Naomi Watts.

[12:06] He got the house wrong and killed Daniel Craig's family.

[12:10] And Rachel Weisz accidentally shot Daniel Craig trying to shoot Elias Codius.

Stuart Wellington

[12:14] So put that on his Yelp review.

Elliott Kalan

[12:16] As a hitman.

[12:18] Excellent.

[12:19] Not afraid to kill children.

[12:20] Unsatisfactory.

[12:20] Not good at reading house numbers.

[12:23] Yeah.

[12:24] It makes you wonder why he didn't check the house number before killing everyone inside.

[12:28] Yeah, it's a big decision.

Dan McCoy

[12:29] Or just think like, oh, no one mentioned two small children.

[12:33] And like the father in this is like-

[12:36] Like presumably the guy who hired him wasn't like, oh, and kill my kids too.

[12:41] Yeah.

[12:41] Like that's the other thing about this.

Stuart Wellington

[12:43] Maybe that's why you're not a hitman, Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[12:45] You ask too many questions.

[12:46] Although hitman Dan is a great name for his show, I guess.

[12:50] His radio show.

[12:51] Yeah, hitman.

[12:51] About being a hitman.

Dan McCoy

[12:53] Woo!

[12:54] It's me, hitman Dan.

[12:55] Playing the hits and killing people.

Elliott Kalan

[12:58] Oh, double shot of the day.

[13:01] Looks like two songs back to back.

[13:03] This one-

[13:03] It's Who Let the Dogs Out and Informer.

Dan McCoy

[13:06] This one is going out-

[13:06] You play a lot of shitty music on your show.

[13:09] By the way, your show is only crappy music.

[13:11] This one is going out from Jerry in Astoria to Brenda in Staten Island.

[13:16] I'm coming for you, Brenda.

[13:19] And here it is.

[13:20] I got my mind set on you.

[13:22] Oh, that's a good song.

[13:23] Is it a bit or something?

[13:25] Has he been working on this one?

Elliott Kalan

[13:26] Yeah, apparently.

[13:29] So, they all confront each other in the abandoned house.

[13:32] The ex-husband shoots Elias Codius, then takes Daniel Craig-

Dan McCoy

[13:37] Right in the bread basket, right?

Elliott Kalan

[13:38] Right in the junk.

[13:39] Yeah, right in the man junk.

[13:42] Then takes Naomi Watts and Daniel Craig downstairs, and he starts to set up an elaborate thing where

[13:47] it looks like he's going to try to make it look like Daniel Craig shot Naomi Watts and then himself.

[13:51] And then he's like, forget it.

[13:52] I'll just burn the house down.

[13:53] And starts burning the house down.

[13:55] The ghost, Rachel Weisz-

[13:56] I don't want to follow through on the crimes.

[13:58] No, he's really bad at this.

[13:59] He's terrible.

[14:00] Well, yeah.

[14:01] They got the wrong family.

[14:02] He's not-

[14:03] None of them are very good at crime.

[14:05] Rachel Weisz's ghost is still around.

[14:08] She finds Daniel Craig and says, wake up, wake up.

[14:11] Daniel Craig wakes up.

[14:12] Sure.

[14:12] Saves Naomi Watts.

[14:14] Then goes upstairs.

[14:15] The house starts burning.

[14:17] Elias Codius traps, with his last breath, traps the ex-husband in the basement.

[14:22] Daniel Craig goes upstairs, says goodbye to the ghosts of his daughters and of his wife.

[14:27] Then there's an explosion of fire.

[14:28] He remembers he's in a fucking burning building.

[14:31] And he goes outside and then-

[14:33] Holy shit, beats don't fail me now.

[14:35] If he had said that again, it would have been great.

[14:37] And then fade out, fade up.

[14:40] Daniel Craig is walking down the street of New York and he looks in the window of a major bookstore

[14:44] and see as the cover of Dream House by Peter Ward.

[14:47] Probably a Shakespeare and Company?

[14:48] No, way bigger than that.

[14:49] Oh, wow.

[14:50] This is like a Barnes & Noble and Borders and Shakespeare and Company.

[14:53] Another NYU official bookstore?

[14:54] I don't think so.

[14:55] They usually don't do displays of bestsellers in the windows of that one.

[14:59] Could be.

[14:59] Yeah, who knows?

[15:00] Hey, I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[15:00] The Columbia bookstore is a Barnes & Noble, so there you go.

[15:03] Maybe a Hastings?

[15:03] There you go, man.

[15:05] Man, the chains are running the mom and pop university stores out of business.

[15:10] Am I right, guys?

[15:11] Maybe a The Strand?

[15:12] Is that what we're talking about?

[15:13] Maybe a The Strand?

Elliott Kalan

[15:15] I forgot what this podcast is about.

[15:16] It's not the book cast.

[15:18] Okay.

[15:18] We're recording that tomorrow.

[15:20] Point is, Daniel Craig has turned his tragedy into dollars.

[15:24] Into cha-ching.

Stuart Wellington

[15:25] He's got a new haircut.

[15:26] He looks great at the end of this movie.

[15:28] Yeah, he does.

Elliott Kalan

[15:28] The money really makes the dead family go down a little easier.

Stuart Wellington

[15:31] Although, going into the background of the movie, it makes a little sense, because at

[15:36] that point, Daniel Craig, the actor, has found his wife in the actress, Rachel Weisz.

Elliott Kalan

[15:41] If they shot the movie in order, which they may not have.

[15:43] They probably do.

[15:43] Yeah.

[15:44] They usually do.

Dan McCoy

[15:45] I was looking up the trivia section of IMDb.

[15:49] There's a quote from Daniel Craig where he's like, the movie didn't turn out that

[15:53] well, but I met my wife, so fair trade.

[15:55] I'm like, that's sweet, Daniel Craig, except for we had to watch this movie, Dreamhouse.

Elliott Kalan

[16:00] Well, we got to imagine Daniel Craig and Rachel Weisz doing it, which is pretty entertaining.

[16:03] Pretty hot.

[16:04] And also, it means that this was a fair trade organic movie, which is great for the environment

[16:08] and for people.

Stuart Wellington

[16:09] Does she call him James Bond the whole time?

[16:12] I assume she calls him Craigers or O'Danny Boy.

Elliott Kalan

[16:15] O'Danny Boy.

[16:16] I like that one.

[16:17] Or Michael Caine.

[16:19] Why would she fantasize about that?

[16:21] She calls him Spaniel Beg, and he calls her Graco Mice.

[16:26] Why?

[16:26] I don't know why.

[16:27] They're pet names.

[16:28] Why not?

[16:29] Okay.

[16:30] And they probably-

Stuart Wellington

[16:31] We're learning a lot about Elliot's style of pet naming.

[16:33] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:34] Like my wife, I call her Granielle, because her name is Danielle.

[16:38] Okay.

[16:38] My pet name for Dan is Ban, and my pet name for Stuart is Gluart.

[16:47] These are names that sound like other names.

Dan McCoy

[16:49] That's also your pet name for your horse.

[16:51] Yeah.

[16:51] Gluart.

Elliott Kalan

[16:52] Well, because, yeah, she's not very good at being a horse.

[16:56] So, there's an interesting backstory to this movie.

[16:59] Who was it directed by, Daniel?

Dan McCoy

[17:00] It was directed by Jim Sheridan, who directed In America, a very lovely film.

[17:06] My Left Foot, In the Name of the Father.

[17:09] Is your left foot okay?

[17:10] It's feeling a little weird, but thank you for asking.

[17:13] Brothers, that was a movie that-

Elliott Kalan

[17:15] Was Brothers the movie where Mark Wahlberg and his brothers did track down the man who killed their mother?

[17:20] Was that Four Brothers?

[17:21] No, that was Four Brothers.

[17:21] Four Brothers.

[17:22] That was Andre Benjamin.

Dan McCoy

[17:23] That was based on the sons of Katie Elder or whatever.

[17:26] This is-

[17:27] Brothers was based on a Swedish film.

[17:29] That was the one that had-

[17:31] What's-her-face from Black Swan.

[17:33] Natalie Portman and Jake Gyllenhaal.

[17:36] Oh, yeah.

[17:36] That was terrible.

[17:37] Oh, Pubby Dog Face.

Elliott Kalan

[17:37] That was a movie that I got a-

[17:39] From Tobey Maguire.

[17:40] I got a screener of it, because I'm a Writers Guild member.

[17:43] Bragging.

[17:43] Name drivers.

[17:44] Bragging.

[17:44] Come on.

[17:45] A Wiltropper.

[17:46] And Danielle and I were watching it, and-

[17:49] Grand-Yell.

[17:49] The movie we were watching-

[17:50] Grand-Yell and I were watching it.

[17:53] Druthers is my pet name for that movie.

[17:56] And an hour into the-

Stuart Wellington

[17:57] I was always saying, if I had my Druthers, he's talking about that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[18:00] Yeah, if I had my copy of Brothers, Druthers.

[18:03] It's a two-hour movie, an hour in, the DVD screwed up.

[18:07] The DVD was broken, and it wouldn't play any farther.

[18:10] And Danielle and I were both like, all right, that's fine.

[18:12] You know what?

[18:13] Thanks, DVD.

[18:14] You just saved us an hour.

[18:15] Yeah.

[18:15] That is a very, not very good movie.

Dan McCoy

[18:17] Well, I haven't seen that movie, but I did quite like In America.

[18:21] No, In America.

[18:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[18:23] So you liked his well-received movie.

[18:25] Yeah.

[18:26] Okay.

[18:26] So what you're saying is you just support the popular consensus.

[18:29] You're claiming that I'm jumping on a bandwagon rather than that was the good movie, so everyone recognized it as a good movie.

[18:36] No, and I'm glad that you liked a good movie that everybody liked.

Elliott Kalan

[18:40] Okay.

[18:40] So-

[18:41] You know, your taste used to be a little more radical.

Stuart Wellington

[18:43] So what's the deal?

Stuart Wellington

[18:43] This guy, Jim Sheridan, really wanted to make a crappy, spoiler alert, ghost story movie spoiler alert.

Elliott Kalan

[18:51] No.

[18:51] He already said the whole plot.

[18:53] I don't know why you're bothering with spoiler alerts right now.

[18:55] Apparently, Jim Sheridan, I can't imagine this movie being any better than it was.

[19:01] Not because it's a great movie, because it's not very good, but I can't see how the movie would have been made better.

[19:06] But apparently, Jim Sheridan, they shot one version of it, a lot of scenes in it didn't test well, so they re-shot scenes.

[19:12] And then the company that made it, Morgan Creek, took the movie from him and re-edited it, and then put out a trailer which gave away the twist that Daniel Craig was the one, was Peter Ward.

[19:24] And so in retaliation, Jim Sheridan, Daniel Craig, and Rachel Weisz all said they would not do any press or publicity for the movie.

[19:31] So aside from Daniel Craig meeting and falling in love with Rachel Weisz, it was a very negative experience, it sounds like, for everybody.

Dan McCoy

[19:37] Now, I don't know why Jim Sheridan thought that he needed to do such a commercial movie when clearly he's the heir to the Sheridan Hotel fortune.

Elliott Kalan

[19:45] No, spelled totally differently.

[19:47] Oh, really?

[19:47] Sheridan.

Dan McCoy

[19:48] Okay.

[19:49] But, no, it is very strange.

[19:51] But seriously, folks.

[19:53] But seriously, folks.

[19:54] It's weird that they would give away the, like, this movie only exists for the twist.

[19:59] And that it was, I remember watching the trailer, and watching the trailer was an experience akin to watching this movie.

[20:05] I'm surprised you remember watching the trailer.

[20:06] I barely remember watching the movie.

[20:09] When I watched the trailer, I remember thinking, like.

[20:12] Thanks, House Fonzie.

[20:13] As the trailer went on, I'm like, I bet I know what the twist of this movie is.

[20:17] And then they gave away the twist of the trailer.

[20:18] I'm like, oh, well, they just gave it away.

[20:21] But watching the movie, that was the same thing.

[20:23] It was like, you know, you pretty much know 20 minutes in what this movie's about.

Elliott Kalan

[20:28] And then they tell you, like, 35, 40 minutes in.

[20:30] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:31] It's not.

Elliott Kalan

[20:31] Well, the thing is, the twist is not.

[20:33] They don't have much to the movie besides the twist.

[20:36] And what I mean by that is they don't have much to sell this movie on besides the twist.

[20:39] Like, it's not exciting.

[20:41] There aren't any good scenes that, like, are visually arresting.

[20:44] So, out of context, they might look neat.

[20:46] Like, the buildup before the twist is not interesting or suspenseful.

[20:50] So, I can see the people making the trailer being like, we have nothing to work with here.

[20:54] We just have this one twist to sell this thing with.

Stuart Wellington

[20:57] Like, they could have spent a little bit of time leading up to the twist where Daniel Craig is actually, like, exploring this supposed ghost house.

[21:06] And, like.

[21:06] Or gas.

[21:07] And being, like, having, getting some, if anything, some cheap scares out of it.

[21:12] But they don't really have to do that.

Elliott Kalan

[21:13] Because Sheridan seems like he doesn't want to make, like, a scary movie.

[21:16] He wants to make, I don't know.

Dan McCoy

[21:19] He wants to make a psychological exploration of some kind.

[21:22] But the other thing is, like, at this late date in history, why?

[21:28] You mean compared to, like, Ancient Rome?

[21:29] Yeah.

[21:30] But why do we think that, like, having a movie where the twist is, oh, our lead character is actually the guy that he's been investigating the whole time.

[21:40] Like, why, at this point in filmmaking history, is that enough to hang a movie on?

[21:45] Like, when was the last time that was surprising?

[21:46] Was it Fight Club?

[21:48] I mean.

[21:48] Why would you think you could even get away with that?

[21:50] Yeah.

[21:50] Like.

Stuart Wellington

[21:51] Well, that was the only thing that actually intrigued me about the trailer was the fact that the trailer gave that twist away.

[21:57] And I was like, they've got to be holding something bigger up their sleeve.

[22:01] Turns out nothing's up that sleeve.

[22:03] Turns out the sleeve had room for one twist.

[22:05] Except for, like, a scabby arm or something.

Elliott Kalan

[22:07] With, like, a tattoo that wasn't done very well.

[22:10] It's all spelled wrong and lives out of proportion with itself.

Dan McCoy

[22:13] Yeah.

[22:13] It just said Daniel plus Rachel.

Elliott Kalan

[22:15] Yeah.

[22:16] But Daniel is spelled with a Y and Rachel is spelled with an X somehow.

[22:20] Yeah.

[22:20] And the plus is spelled with a minus sign.

[22:23] Just doesn't make sense.

[22:24] Instead of being inside of a heart, it's inside of, like, an octagon.

[22:28] That's pretty meta.

[22:29] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[22:29] Is that because a heart is similar to an octagon in the world of MMA fighting?

Elliott Kalan

[22:35] Is that really what the octagon represents?

[22:37] They're fighting for the heart of the audience?

[22:38] Yeah, exactly.

[22:39] Interesting.

[22:41] Sounds like MMA.

[22:42] It changes your perspective, doesn't it?

[22:43] It sounds like MMA sounds like mixed martial A-motions.

[22:48] But, yeah, there's, like, this movie is, it's one of these old-fashioned movies where it's hung on one twist.

[22:54] And it seems interesting at first that the twist comes 45 minutes in and you're like,

[22:58] But then they have to do it.

Dan McCoy

[22:59] So you're like, what the fuck am I still watching this thing for?

Elliott Kalan

[23:01] Or, like, this movie's going to keep going where most movies would end.

[23:05] They're going to take us somewhere we've never been, but they don't.

[23:07] They have nothing to do.

[23:08] They spin their wheels for a while and then they're like, oh.

Stuart Wellington

[23:10] Like, let's wrap this up in the TV suspense way.

Dan McCoy

[23:13] Yeah.

[23:14] And then they're like, okay, what do we got?

[23:17] What do we got?

[23:18] Daniel Craig wasn't the killer.

[23:20] It was some other guy.

[23:21] So that twist was kind of not the right twist.

Stuart Wellington

[23:23] And I think the real story of this movie is how inept the neighbor is at killing his wife.

[23:28] Yeah, he is terrible.

[23:30] I mean, the whole movie is because this guy doesn't give the guy the right address or his hitman fucks up the address.

[23:36] Yeah.

[23:37] Like, if you change the actors around, this is like a hitman comedy starring Ben Stiller.

Elliott Kalan

[23:42] Yeah.

[23:43] Ben Stiller and Eugene Levy.

[23:45] In Dreamhouse.

[23:46] Oh, when the Eugene Levy's broke and New Orleans got flooded, that was so terrible.

Dan McCoy

[23:51] So sad.

[23:52] There were so many American Pie movies that just covered that city.

[23:57] It was a real tragedy.

[23:59] Just like that Spike Lee movie when Eugene Levy's broke.

[24:01] And George W. Bush just stood by and did nothing.

[24:04] Did nothing.

Elliott Kalan

[24:05] Yeah.

[24:06] Really, he just flew over Eugene Levy's house in a plane looking down.

[24:10] Just a bad visual.

[24:12] What is he saying to America?

[24:13] Yeah.

[24:14] Is he giving tacit approval to the American Pie series?

[24:17] I mean, the whole country was straight trip and boo at that point.

Dan McCoy

[24:22] They were straight trip and boo.

Elliott Kalan

[24:26] What movie was that with Queen Latifah?

[24:28] House test?

[24:29] It was for bringing down the house.

[24:29] Bringing down the house.

[24:31] And my favorite thing about it was like a week or two into the release when they were like, this line where he says, you got me straight trip and boo is the only thing we have.

[24:39] So the print ads for the movie would have a word balloon going to Eugene Levy's head that say, you got me straight trip and boo.

[24:47] So people reading the New York Times would see that ad and be like, that's hilarious.

[24:53] He says that?

[24:54] Or like, this is the straight trip and boo movie.

[24:57] I'll just see it.

Dan McCoy

[24:58] I like that your New York Times voice immediately went to Woody Allen.

[25:02] It's like, that is hilarious.

[25:05] I was straight trip and boo.

[25:06] Reading the Times.

[25:08] Oh, man.

[25:08] If I could only read.

[25:10] If I could write that today, people would forget Cursed of the Jade Scorpion in a second.

[25:15] I was masturbating to the bra ads.

Stuart Wellington

[25:18] The luckiest Pierre in the world right now.

[25:21] The luckiest Pierre?

[25:22] Yeah.

[25:23] The gay guy in a gay threesome.

[25:24] In the middle.

[25:25] The second in the middle.

[25:26] That guy.

[25:26] Is that what that's called?

[25:27] The lucky Pierre.

Elliott Kalan

[25:28] Was he the first guy that that ever happened to?

Stuart Wellington

[25:30] Yeah, it was the first guy named Pierre.

[25:31] Oh, man.

[25:33] So Elliot's checking his phone.

[25:34] Dan, thoughts on Dreamhouse?

[25:37] We just talked about the inept wife murderer.

[25:41] It's sort of fascinating.

[25:42] Who then gets killed by Elias Kodias.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] You have a solid cast here.

[25:46] You got Daniel Craig.

[25:47] You've got Rachel Weisz.

[25:49] You've got Nicole Kidman.

[25:51] Sorry.

[25:52] Naomi Watts.

Stuart Wellington

[25:53] Who's kind of like a poor person's Nicole Kidman.

[25:56] Look, they're buddies.

[25:57] They're buddies.

Dan McCoy

[25:58] The phrase is the poor man's Nicole Kidman.

Elliott Kalan

[26:00] They're buddies from their all-seed days.

[26:00] You said he's a poor person's Nicole Kidman.

[26:02] It sounds like.

[26:03] I'm trying to keep it politically.

[26:04] You got Naomi Watts.

[26:05] She's Nicole Kidman.

[26:06] The government hands out.

[26:07] You don't have a job.

[26:09] You got Elias Kodias.

Stuart Wellington

[26:10] But to anybody.

[26:11] Man, woman, child.

[26:12] Yeah.

[26:13] Robot.

[26:14] You get a Naomi Watts.

Dan McCoy

[26:15] It's a solid cast of characters.

[26:17] It's a solid director.

[26:19] And then you just get...

[26:20] You wonder what they saw in the screenplay.

[26:24] That they're like, we got to sign on to this project.

Elliott Kalan

[26:26] I assume they all...

[26:28] Yeah.

[26:28] So this...

Stuart Wellington

[26:29] I'm pretty sure you're with me, Dan.

[26:31] This entire movie could have been spiced up with a little bit of nudity.

[26:35] Or a lot of nudity.

[26:36] Let's not limit it.

[26:37] So shower scenes, beach volleyball that goes wrong and tops come off.

[26:43] I mean, it's a little snowy, but that's okay.

Elliott Kalan

[26:45] I think you might not understand what kind of movie this was.

[26:47] Maybe they have a ghost car wash where the tops go.

Stuart Wellington

[26:50] Well, it would be a ghost tauntaun wash.

Elliott Kalan

[26:52] I forgot they all ride tauntauns.

[26:54] I mean, the house is...

Stuart Wellington

[26:55] And the tauntaun bites their tops off.

Dan McCoy

[26:57] Yeah.

[26:57] The house is condemned, guys.

[26:59] So they got to save it with a ghost car wash.

[27:01] Yeah, that's true.

[27:02] I mean, that's the only way you save condemned properties or properties that are going to

[27:05] be rezoned.

Stuart Wellington

[27:06] The next door neighbor's pissed off because he had that idea originally and they stole

[27:10] it from him.

[27:11] Yeah.

[27:11] Or snaked it out from under him, as we say in the biz.

[27:15] The bikini car wash biz.

[27:16] Okay.

[27:17] I need clarification.

[27:17] Is there a lot of terminology for the bikini car wash biz?

[27:20] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[27:20] I've been running a family owned and operated bikini car wash for many years now.

Elliott Kalan

[27:24] Really?

[27:25] Family owned and operated.

[27:27] Speaking of story.

[27:27] It's like you and your mom out washing cars and bikinis.

[27:30] Speaking of Stuart.

[27:31] What the fuck do you say about my mom?

Stuart Wellington

[27:33] I think you'll be interested.

[27:34] I thought we were going to keep this nice.

[27:35] I don't know what's going on here.

Dan McCoy

[27:37] Off of Dreamhouse, but you'll be interested to learn this news.

[27:39] Elliot, you know, you need two dubs over here.

[27:42] Working a couple of offices down from me, I already heard it, but I...

[27:47] Is this about your new shoes?

[27:48] No, no, I...

[27:49] I mean, it's cool.

[27:50] Through eBay, I...

[27:53] Oh, right.

[27:53] ...acquired a DVD copy of the original bikini car wash.

[27:59] So later on this year, I'll be holding a screening in honor of the 20th anniversary...

[28:04] Oh, that's awesome.

[28:05] ...of the release of the Bikini Car Wash Company.

Elliott Kalan

[28:07] That makes me feel very old, that Bikini Car Wash Company is 20 years old.

Stuart Wellington

[28:10] I also like that you're warning us about your upcoming masturbation episodes.

[28:15] I don't...

[28:16] I mean, I didn't expressly say anything about that.

[28:19] Yeah, I mean, it's in the subtext, though.

[28:21] Yeah.

[28:22] But not that there's a problem with that.

[28:24] I think that's cool.

Dan McCoy

[28:25] I thought you might enjoy that.

Stuart Wellington

[28:27] No, I will enjoy that.

[28:29] I'll also borrow it after the screening.

[28:31] Mm-hmm.

[28:32] And not...

[28:33] And forget to give it back.

Dan McCoy

[28:35] No, and...

[28:35] Casually.

[28:36] Oh, yeah, conveniently so.

Stuart Wellington

[28:37] And because it's a DVD, when I return it, and you put it into your player, it's not going

[28:42] to be immediately...

[28:42] It'll be like, last played at.

[28:44] Yeah, it won't be immediately queued up to some sequence of naked people.

Dan McCoy

[28:49] That's really why DVD technology was invented.

[28:51] Yeah.

[28:52] This is a very specific conversation you guys are having.

Stuart Wellington

[28:54] So you can loan pornography to your friend...

[28:56] Okay, what are we talking about?

[28:59] Something about a ghost house.

Dan McCoy

[29:01] I don't know why you...

[29:01] It's because LA was fucking playing with his phone and didn't keep us on.

Elliott Kalan

[29:03] I was watching an eBay auction that I lost at the last second because I was recording

[29:07] this stupid podcast.

[29:08] Oh, God.

[29:08] I'm sorry.

[29:09] That's okay.

[29:10] It was for a...

[29:11] It's a long story.

[29:12] I'll tell you afterwards.

Stuart Wellington

[29:13] Is it for one of those Puppet Master action figures I've been looking at?

[29:15] Yes.

[29:16] Full Moon Toys, Castle Freak?

Elliott Kalan

[29:18] It was for...

[29:19] At the 1939 World's Fair, when most Americans at the time encountered television for the

[29:24] first time, they gave out little cards at the RCA booth that said, this is to attest

[29:29] that I...

[29:29] The so-and-so has been televised, and you could fill out the name and date, and there was

[29:35] one on eBay for a lower price than one that I'd been looking at, and I lost it.

[29:38] At the last second, someone snaked me, as they say in the bikini car wash biz.

Dan McCoy

[29:43] Thanks for keeping it.

Elliott Kalan

[29:44] Keep it real.

[29:44] So if the listener of this podcast is the one who snaked me, stop listening right now.

[29:48] Your Flophouse license has been revoked.

[29:50] Sure.

[29:51] Go watch Dreamhouse.

[29:52] That's what you get.

[29:53] Your ears are no good here.

[29:55] Yeah.

[29:55] So this has been a kind of scatterbrained episode of the Flophouse for a little bit,

[29:58] but...

Stuart Wellington

[29:59] Similar to Daniel Craig's character in Scream House.

[30:02] In Scream House.

Elliott Kalan

[30:04] It's like Scream, but with mice.

[30:09] So, yeah, it's a movie that kind of is a lot of padding, not good twists.

Stuart Wellington

[30:15] Similar to this podcast.

[30:18] Direct correlations.

Dan McCoy

[30:19] So I guess we should probably give some final judgments on...

[30:23] Should we figure out if it's horrifyingly scarifying or spookily funny?

[30:25] We should give some final judgments on Scream Mouse or Fievel Goes Crazy.

Elliott Kalan

[30:32] It sounds great.

[30:33] Perfectly done.

[30:34] Can't wait till Fievel Goes Crazy and Fivehead meet up.

Dan McCoy

[30:39] Is this a good bad movie, a bad bad movie, or a movie you kind of liked?

[30:43] Stuart, what do you say about this?

Stuart Wellington

[30:45] I kind of went into this hoping it was going to be a movie I kind of liked.

[30:49] But the...

[30:51] And I think it could have been a movie I kind of liked if they spent more time actually capitalizing off of the...

[30:58] Capitalizing off the fact that they put the twist right in the middle of the movie

[31:01] and actually went in, as I think as Elliot put it, went in a different direction.

[31:06] But they really didn't.

[31:08] They went in the most boring way possible.

[31:11] Yeah.

[31:12] For a movie that spends so much time having characters look at each other and talk about stupid shit,

[31:17] they don't actually really develop any characters other than the fact that we know somebody's a ghost.

[31:23] And somebody's crazy.

[31:24] So, bad bad movie.

Dan McCoy

[31:26] Yeah, I'm gonna...

[31:28] I'm gonna say bad bad movie too.

[31:30] This movie could have been...

[31:32] Maybe a little bit of a surprise.

[31:35] I mean, like I said,

[31:36] it's got a good director, it's got a good cast.

[31:38] Maybe it could be like a little bit of a sleeper.

[31:40] But the thing is, there is nothing to this movie other than the twist.

[31:45] Like, this is a movie that is completely set up as a game.

[31:48] Like, okay, this is a guy who's going back to his family.

[31:52] He's being terrorized by people because there's a murderer on the loose.

[31:56] No, wait.

[31:56] It's him.

[31:57] And then we're gonna, you know, burn a little time up.

[32:02] And then we're gonna discover that the murderer was actually another guy.

[32:05] And then roll credits.

[32:06] And that's all there is to it.

[32:08] And it was boring.

Stuart Wellington

[32:08] I mean, as soon as you see Elias Kodeus, you assume he's the murderer.

[32:11] Yeah.

[32:12] There's no other reason for him to be there.

Dan McCoy

[32:13] There's no reason for him to be in the movie.

[32:15] It's like, oh, this is another name actor, sort of.

Elliott Kalan

[32:19] Like, this would be a good story if it was like a five or six page EC Comics, like, story hosted by the Crypt Keeper or the Old Witch or someone like that.

[32:29] But it's...

[32:29] He's just trying to set up a Crypt Keeper impression.

[32:31] You got me.

[32:32] Oh, boy.

[32:34] The Scream House.

[32:35] Anyway, but the...

[32:38] Yeah, there's just like not...

[32:39] There's nothing there.

[32:40] And it's a waste of talent.

[32:42] I was just thinking about it.

Dan McCoy

[32:43] If, like, the Crypt Keeper, like, missed the obvious pun.

[32:47] He's like...

[32:48] He, he, he, he.

[32:49] Looks like it's a real dream horse.

[32:53] There's no horse in there.

[32:55] Crypty, hold on.

[32:55] What do you say?

[32:56] There's no horse in there.

[32:57] That's not scary at all.

[33:01] I'm sorry.

[33:03] I've been very tired.

[33:04] There's been problems at home.

Elliott Kalan

[33:07] Really giving us a real look into the Crypt Keeper's private life.

[33:11] That I would say...

[33:12] A real look at the Crypt Keeper's privates.

[33:15] Dan, how old are you?

[33:17] So, I'm sorry.

[33:18] Dan just suddenly turned into a seven-year-old.

[33:20] I'm sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[33:21] Elliot said privates.

Elliott Kalan

[33:22] I said private life.

[33:24] And Dan, in his mind, just went to privates.

[33:29] I am appalled.

[33:30] No, but think about it, Elliot.

[33:32] What would the Crypt Keeper's privates look like?

[33:33] They've rotted away.

[33:34] There's nothing there.

[33:36] It's just a pelvic bone.

Dan McCoy

[33:37] Yeah, there's not even a bone there.

Elliott Kalan

[33:39] I mean, that's the kind of soft tissue that really goes away almost instantly.

Stuart Wellington

[33:42] What if it was perfectly preserved?

[33:45] Like one of those bully sticks you feed your dog.

Dan McCoy

[33:50] But what if it was perfectly preserved?

Elliott Kalan

[33:56] What situation are you hoping that comes out of that?

Dan McCoy

[33:59] It's like this is some sort of speculative fiction.

Elliott Kalan

[34:03] Well, we dealt with what if Petty met at dinosaurs.

Stuart Wellington

[34:06] You need to take that idea and run with it.

[34:09] That's what you guys do as writers.

[34:10] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[34:11] I'm still dealing with what happens if Penny or Tom Petty meets a dinosaur.

[34:16] Oh, man.

[34:17] Can we move on?

[34:18] We all said good, bad.

[34:20] We all said good, good movie.

Dan McCoy

[34:23] We all said this is our favorite movie of the year.

[34:26] Give this the Oscar.

[34:26] We all gave it a rent.

Elliott Kalan

[34:28] We all say it was robbed.

[34:29] W-U-Z robbed.

Dan McCoy

[34:31] So before we get to letters, a little bit of business.

[34:34] A little bib of business.

[34:36] I would like to thank people for some donations to the podcast.

[34:42] Wow, thanks.

[34:42] They will be retracting those donations after your privates joke.

[34:47] Thank you to Dimitri T., Andrew Q., and James E.

[34:52] for your generous donations to the Flophouse.

[34:55] Thank you.

[34:57] We appreciate it.

Stuart Wellington

[34:58] I'm assuming we went to the bikini car wash auction.

Dan McCoy

[35:01] You're what's keeping this bird going.

[35:04] To move on, we have an email from first name withheld Maxwell.

[35:12] Interesting.

[35:13] And the email is titled, you know what you did.

[35:16] Uh-oh.

[35:17] Last summer.

[35:18] And he goes on to say, you made my night.

[35:21] Oh.

[35:22] That's why I was really worried.

[35:25] I had the night off on Friday, January 20th, and rather than attend an opening night, Times

[35:30] Square showing a future Flopcast film, The Grey.

[35:32] I don't know about that.

[35:33] It's been getting good reviews.

[35:34] It has not been.

Stuart Wellington

[35:35] I'll watch it on my own.

Dan McCoy

[35:37] It has been getting good reviews.

[35:38] From where?

[35:39] A lot of places.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] Harry Knowles on Ain't It Cool News.

[35:41] Oh, okay, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[35:43] He's going to put it in Butt-Num-a-thon.

[35:45] He says, I trekked down to the mouth of Jersey, a.k.a.

[35:48] the Holland Tunnel, a.k.a.

[35:49] Daylight starring Sylvester Stallone, to listen to your-

[35:52] I forgot they renamed that tunnel after the movie.

[35:55] To listen to your golden gods of podcasting.

[35:57] It was a joy.

[35:58] I drank fairly heavily throughout the film, and you were a perfect gentleman in allowing

[36:02] me to engage you afterwards and not noticeably scan the room for escape routes.

[36:06] Dan, you got engaged?

[36:08] Congratulations.

[36:09] I mean, I've been married for quite some time, but-

[36:12] Have you told her?

[36:14] Anyway, continue.

[36:15] As much as I'd heard about Stuart being the handsome one, I was still impressed-

[36:20] When's this a burn?

[36:21] No.

[36:22] Okay.

[36:23] As much as I'd heard about Stuart being the handsome one-

[36:25] It was right.

[36:25] I was still impressed with the jawline on that motherfucker.

[36:28] Matt of I Love Bad Movies even said we were twins.

[36:32] Swoon.

[36:33] I really wanted to write a love letter to you three.

[36:36] You made my life better.

[36:37] I listened to old episodes while I do housework, equals points with girlfriend.

[36:42] Dream housework.

[36:43] Elliot's constant references to the old ones and the works of H.P. Lovecraft have me reading

[36:48] a collected works volume that I'm loving.

[36:50] Oh, good.

[36:51] And Stuart gave me his mustache when he was done with it.

[36:54] I can't wait to see Marmaduke's second movement and hoot and holler when Flophouse Brothers

[37:00] comes up as a written by credit.

[37:02] So that's one from First Name Withheld Maxwell.

[37:05] Thanks, Mr. Maxwell.

[37:06] Thanks, Mr. Maxwell.

[37:07] I want to read a second letter from someone who attended the show titled, I wish all the

[37:13] movies I watched featured commentary by you three.

[37:16] Just was writing in to say my girlfriend and I were fortunate enough to make it to your

[37:21] screening.

Elliott Kalan

[37:21] Hey, what's Schindler doing up there?

[37:22] Right in the list?

Stuart Wellington

[37:23] Hey, buddy.

[37:24] What you doing?

[37:25] Hey, why is he driving so fast?

[37:26] Hey, drive.

[37:28] Hey, drive.

Elliott Kalan

[37:30] Hey, that horse is in a war.

[37:32] It's like a war horse.

Dan McCoy

[37:35] Anyway, you're saying?

[37:36] He says, just writing to say my girlfriend and I were fortunate enough to make it to a screening

[37:41] of 12 rounds.

[37:42] Your screening of 12 rounds.

[37:44] You guys were hilarious.

[37:45] We had a great time.

[37:48] From Danny Patrick, last name withheld.

[37:51] So there you go.

Stuart Wellington

[37:52] So we went to our screening of 12 rounds, not a different screening of 12 rounds.

Dan McCoy

[37:57] Yeah, I mean, there aren't that many screenings of 12 rounds going on.

[38:00] Not here, but in New Orleans, I think it's still playing.

[38:02] Oh, man.

[38:02] It's the town movie.

Elliott Kalan

[38:05] Well, thanks, everyone, for coming to that screening.

[38:08] I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[38:10] Yeah, I had a lot of fun.

[38:10] We had a great crowd that night and a lot of great fans there.

Dan McCoy

[38:14] I don't want to tip anything before we have anything set up.

[38:18] We are in talks for another...

[38:20] Stop teasing.

[38:21] Are we?

[38:21] We are.

[38:22] Yeah, I think we are.

Elliott Kalan

[38:23] And nobody tells me anything.

Dan McCoy

[38:25] Yeah, well, you're just talent.

[38:28] Dan's the organizer.

[38:29] Just tell me where to be.

[38:30] I mean, we don't do it that frequently.

[38:33] Yeah, we'll probably do it in like four or five months.

Elliott Kalan

[38:34] It happens twice a year.

[38:36] It's next week, guys.

[38:37] Ah!

[38:39] Dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.

[38:41] They've got just one week to pretend they know what they're talking about and then forget that.

Dan McCoy

[38:48] So, uh...

[38:49] Flop house.

[38:50] Thank you to everyone who came out.

[38:52] We had a lot of people come out from other cities.

[38:54] Yeah.

[38:55] Yeah, wow.

[38:56] Even other countries?

[38:58] Yeah, I mean...

[38:58] People came out from Toronto?

Elliott Kalan

[38:59] There were people who were in town who came.

[39:01] Look.

Dan McCoy

[39:02] I'll take it.

[39:03] I'll take it, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[39:03] Okay, yeah.

[39:04] No, it's still great.

Stuart Wellington

[39:05] No, I...

[39:06] There was two guys from Boston who came out.

Elliott Kalan

[39:09] We went down just for the show.

[39:10] Took a bus down from Boston just to see us.

Stuart Wellington

[39:13] Very...

[39:14] And then, uh...

[39:15] I can only imagine listening to this podcast the whole way there and back.

[39:18] Just to psych themselves up, yeah.

[39:19] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[39:21] To familiarize themselves with their favorite characters.

[39:24] Sure, like who?

[39:26] Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[39:27] Rocket Crocodile.

[39:28] Stuart, et cetera.

[39:29] Hookhanded Dan.

[39:33] Oliver Sudden.

Dan McCoy

[39:34] Yeah.

[39:35] Everyone's favorite.

[39:37] Oliver Sudden.

[39:39] Mentioned once.

[39:40] Forgotten about.

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] This email is...

[39:43] And Babylon A.D.

[39:44] The baby character from the Lost episode.

Dan McCoy

[39:52] This email is titled,

[39:54] Concerns for Dan's Safety.

[39:56] Okay.

[39:57] And it goes,

[39:58] Dearest Flophouse,

[40:00] Your podcast has brought me countless hours of entertainment.

[40:04] Elliot's quick wit...

[40:06] Thank you.

[40:06] ...and charm quickly warmed its way into my heart.

[40:09] Oh, thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[40:09] I would say wormed its way, but whatever.

[40:11] No, warmed is much nicer than wormed.

Dan McCoy

[40:13] Stuart's love of ding-dong ripping and musings on the inner structures of Duckburg

[40:17] only brightens days that have already been luminous and warm.

[40:21] Thanks to me.

[40:23] And Dan.

[40:23] Oh, what can be said about Dan?

[40:25] Nothing.

[40:25] The Leonardo of the original peaches.

[40:27] The Cyclops,

[40:29] Struge,

[40:29] Struge McDuck.

[40:32] Dan's considerable talent in...

[40:34] Well, I'll get back to you on that one.

[40:37] I write to you...

[40:37] Ouch.

[40:38] Letterburn.

[40:39] Meowsers.

[40:40] The Flophouse.

[40:41] And Dan specifically,

[40:43] because I'm greatly concerned for your safety.

[40:46] Does this involve you sitting on an exercise ball?

[40:48] Well, let's get to it.

[40:49] Okay.

[40:50] Not only does your podcast feature a notorious serial killer, Elliot.

Elliott Kalan

[40:54] No, I've killed nobody, and there's no evidence linking me to it.

[40:57] But...

[40:58] And Anne Hathaway will back me up on that.

Dan McCoy

[40:59] But with the mounting tensions...

[41:00] You're an extrovert?

[41:01] No.

[41:03] With the mounting tensions between Dan and Stuart over the film Cool World...

[41:07] And the recent revelation that Dan is, in fact, a giant teddy bear...

Elliott Kalan

[41:13] I forgot about that, yeah.

[41:14] I fear for the worst.

[41:16] We've really built such a complicated backstory.

Stuart Wellington

[41:19] It's the mythos of our friendship.

[41:22] Yeah.

[41:22] We can call it a friendship at this point.

Dan McCoy

[41:24] Oh, I thought you were going to say we can call it a mythos.

[41:26] Yeah.

[41:27] Many know of Stuart's wish to kill a bear with a flamethrower.

[41:30] And I can only imagine that the temptation has grown worse after starting a podcast with one.

[41:35] Sure.

[41:36] Every two or three weeks, a bear is so close that he could easily burn it alive.

[41:41] And it's made out of very flammable plush.

[41:43] Is this where the Stuart and Dan feud began?

[41:46] Must Stuart be restrained during the recording of the podcast or else Dan would no longer be with us?

[41:50] I fear that one day Dan's lovely wife Sarah and his cat will awaken to find nothing but a pile of ash where the great pervizoid number one once stood.

[41:58] Who else will creepily comment on the butts of another man's wife?

[42:02] Who else will repeat song lyrics as if they were making a joke?

[42:06] I hate that.

[42:07] And most importantly, who will Elliot one up after winning another Emmy?

[42:11] Yes.

[42:12] A world without Dan McCoy.

[42:13] You'll never catch up, Dan.

[42:14] Is not one I wish to imagine.

[42:17] So Dan, I see but one option.

[42:18] You must kill Stuart with a flamethrower before he kills you.

[42:22] Flamethrowers at dawn, as they used to say.

[42:24] Wait a minute.

[42:25] Hopefully my fears will be put to bed soon, but I have a feeling that Stuart is a quicker draw with a flamethrower than you.

[42:31] No offense.

[42:33] Sincerely, Matt.

[42:33] Last name withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[42:34] Or it might give me an opportunity to rise from the ashes like a powerful phoenix.

Elliott Kalan

[42:39] Yeah.

[42:40] Or not.

[42:40] I'll just die.

[42:41] Probably.

[42:43] So it sounds like our listeners are instigating a little bit of a fire feud between you two fellows.

[42:49] Sure.

[42:50] What's going to happen?

Stuart Wellington

[42:51] Hopefully one of us, like Kirk Cameron.

[42:54] No, Kirk Cameron.

[42:56] One of us is going to be fireproof.

[42:59] Probably because one of us doesn't look at internet porno.

Elliott Kalan

[43:01] You know, well, that's neither of you.

[43:04] Yeah.

[43:04] The only reason I can think that either of you doesn't look at internet porno is because you have like a real doll or a fleshlight or something that's taking up all your time.

Dan McCoy

[43:11] Or maybe just like the, you know, like the, our wireless network is down.

[43:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[43:16] And the dial-up takes so long.

[43:18] Oh, man.

[43:19] Don't get me started.

[43:21] Come on.

[43:21] So you've gone to paper only.

[43:23] Yep.

Dan McCoy

[43:23] Only Tijuana Bibles for this guy.

[43:26] Just the old-fashioned type of boy.

Stuart Wellington

[43:28] I like to see Blondie get a nice Roger ring from an old-time gangster.

[43:36] While Dagwood looks on horrified.

Elliott Kalan

[43:39] They don't do real, they don't do modern Tijuana Bibles anymore.

[43:42] You don't have like Garfield Tijuana Bibles.

Dan McCoy

[43:44] I mean, I'd probably read him.

[43:47] I'm sure on, I'm sure in some terrifying corner of the internet you can find.

[43:52] Garfield having sex with lasagna?

[43:53] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[43:55] How would that even happen?

[43:57] While Odie chokes himself or something?

[43:59] Yeah.

[43:59] Wow.

[44:00] It sounds like you've made this already or seen it.

[44:02] It just flows out of my mouth.

[44:05] Similar to the novel that Daniel Craig's character in Dreamhouse is writing.

[44:09] Yeah, because it came out of his mouth.

Elliott Kalan

[44:11] And I'm sure...

[44:12] And onto the page.

[44:12] I can just see the blurb on Dreamhouse.

[44:14] It says, a chilling thriller.

[44:15] Don't know why the Garfield lasagna sex scene.

[44:18] Buy Dreamhouse.

[44:19] But skip pages 400 through 403.

Dan McCoy

[44:25] On the note of...

[44:27] What?

Elliott Kalan

[44:28] Did your soul just leave your body?

[44:29] What was that sound?

Dan McCoy

[44:31] Well, thinking about Garfield fucking lasagna, my soul did leave my body a little bit.

[44:35] But I caught it.

[44:36] I caught it before it could fully escape.

[44:38] Okay, good.

[44:38] But on the note of me being a giant teddy bear, I'd like to mention that Flophouse fan Govind,

[44:45] I hope that I'm saying that right.

[44:47] You probably not.

[44:48] He has done three delightful pieces of...

[44:52] Or horrifying, depending on your...

[44:54] Sure.

[44:55] But delightful pieces of Flophouse fan art...

[44:58] Okay.

[44:59] Or fart.

[44:59] ...of me as a bear that will be put up along with this episode.

[45:05] At the Flophouse Gallery, also known as the webpage.

[45:08] Also known as www.theflophousepodcast.com.

[45:12] Or Flophouse Podcast.

[45:13] The Night Gallery.

[45:13] There should be a section of...

Elliott Kalan

[45:14] Or the day gallery if you look at it during the day.

[45:17] Not open.

[45:19] This gallery is going out of business.

[45:21] No one wants to go to an art gallery at three in the morning.

[45:24] We should have a section of the website just for fan art.

[45:27] There's been a lot of it by this point.

[45:30] If I have been...

[45:31] I want to buy a lot.

[45:32] Well, at least four.

Dan McCoy

[45:33] If I've been a good webmaster...

[45:35] Which you haven't.

[45:36] Those pieces should probably be tagged with fan art.

[45:40] But they may not be.

Elliott Kalan

[45:42] Yeah.

[45:42] Well, I mean, it might be nice to get them all in one place.

Dan McCoy

[45:46] Probably if you...

[45:47] Probably if you click on the tab, fan art, you'll see them.

[45:51] But what if there was like a page...

[45:53] Come on.

Elliott Kalan

[45:54] Let's move on with these letters.

[45:56] Wow.

[45:56] Stuart is the peacemaker for once.

[45:59] Not just the fresh maker.

Dan McCoy

[46:01] So, this...

[46:03] Got any more letters in there, buddy?

[46:04] This last letter...

[46:06] Or letter.

[46:08] It's from Brian, last name withheld.

[46:11] I'm assuming it's Brian Austin Green.

[46:13] And it's titled, Thanks for 2011.

[46:16] It's probably Brian Austin Green there.

[46:19] Hey, Flop Crew.

[46:20] 2011 was a particularly difficult year for me.

[46:24] Nothing too bad.

[46:25] Just little things, like losing my house, like many other people have.

[46:29] And dealing with my wife's unemployment for most of the year.

[46:32] And thus, keeping up with far too many bills.

[46:34] It's been a little stressful dealing with such things while raising a young toddler.

[46:38] And making sure all these things never really touched her in a way that was too detrimental.

[46:42] So, when I hear the deep, mournful sighs from Dan, I can think,

[46:45] Hey, things could be worse.

[46:48] Listen to that man's sorrow.

[46:50] Seriously, though, I've been listening for years.

[46:53] And I appreciate the time and effort all three of you take to consistently make a podcast

[46:57] that's lasted as long as it has.

[47:00] Just even taking the time out of your busy schedules through work changes and everything else

[47:04] to get a podcast out semi-regularly, I appreciate that you guys continue to do it.

[47:09] I'm not saying you have to do it forever, because hopefully someday every piece of cinema

[47:13] will be a masterpiece as Hollywood perfects its craft.

[47:16] Oh, no.

[47:18] Entropy goes the other way.

[47:19] It's just been nice to have something familiar and funny and enjoyable to listen to

[47:23] and forget about stress every now and then.

[47:26] I wish I could have donated to the podcast more often,

[47:29] but I'm glad to hear that Dan can afford to keep the podcast going easier now.

[47:33] Thanks for 2011 and 2010 and 2009 while I'm at it.

[47:38] Brian, last name withheld.

[47:39] Oh, Brian, that was really sweet.

[47:40] Thank you.

[47:40] That was very sweet.

Stuart Wellington

[47:43] Yeah, I mean, all jokes aside, thank you for listening, and that really sucks.

[47:46] I'm sorry to hear that.

Dan McCoy

[47:47] Yeah, and also, speaking of donations, I think you are exempt from ever doing any donations

[47:53] ever again, and I feel like we need to refund donations that you may have made in the past.

Elliott Kalan

[47:58] I mean...

[47:59] I'd say the opposite.

[48:00] We gave him a lot emotionally, and he has to repay us for that.

[48:04] Wow, listen to this guy.

[48:05] My new character, Heartless Elliot.

Stuart Wellington

[48:07] Dan needs to own multiple DVD copies of the Bikini Car Wash Company.

[48:12] He only has one.

Elliott Kalan

[48:13] Yeah.

[48:13] Only one.

[48:14] What if he...

[48:15] What if I want to loan one out?

[48:16] Then I don't have it.

[48:18] I don't have it.

Dan McCoy

[48:19] Like, in the middle of the night, if I want to watch Bikini Car Wash Company, what am I supposed to do?

[48:22] You'll be literally shit out of luck.

[48:25] Why literally?

[48:26] I don't understand.

[48:26] You'll be literally shit out of luck.

Elliott Kalan

[48:29] You'll be literally up a river without a paddle.

[48:31] I don't think so.

[48:33] You will be literally dying.

[48:35] Well, thank you.

[48:37] Yeah, Brian, don't donate any more.

[48:39] You need that money, and we appreciate it.

[48:41] Thank you very much.

Stuart Wellington

[48:42] Yeah, but we did have a pretty good 2011.

[48:45] We made some jokes, did our first live show.

[48:47] You got married.

[48:49] I got married.

[48:50] You guys came to that thing.

[48:51] Yeah, it was great.

[48:52] Had a bachelor's party.

[48:54] It's true.

Dan McCoy

[48:56] In Baltimore, for some reason.

[48:57] In beautiful Baltimore.

[48:58] Not in Baltimore.

[48:59] In Glen Burnie.

[49:00] And WTF, dude.

[49:03] No, I just needed to pick out that scab a little bit.

Stuart Wellington

[49:06] And I'm glad that Dan was able to take on his Dirty Dan persona.

[49:10] That's true.

[49:11] And go down with us to sunny Glen Burnie, Maryland.

Elliott Kalan

[49:14] That's a story for another time on Flophouse Chronicles.

[49:17] You'll read that on the...

[49:18] The young Flophouse Chronicles.

[49:20] I thought it was Flophouse Knights.

[49:22] Flophouse Knights, our Cinemax show.

[49:24] Spelled with a K.

[49:26] Oh, wait.

[49:27] So are we crime fighters?

[49:28] Yes.

[49:28] Oh, okay.

[49:29] I misread what this show is like.

[49:31] Yeah.

[49:31] It's okay.

[49:32] But yeah, I thought we did some good shows in 2011.

[49:35] We got picked up more listeners.

[49:37] Mm-hmm.

[49:37] And...

Dan McCoy

[49:38] We got picked up for the back nine.

[49:39] That was nice.

Elliott Kalan

[49:40] It was nice.

[49:41] What's going on here, right?

[49:42] I think we just lost some listeners.

[49:43] Yes.

[49:45] Wait.

[49:46] I hear somehow the sound of people shutting off their computers and throwing them into the

[49:49] river.

[49:51] Same river.

[49:52] The river podcast.

[49:53] Well, the river of life.

Dan McCoy

[49:56] So, I guess this is the point in the podcast where we make some recommendations.

[50:02] Sure.

[50:03] Movies that people might actually enjoy.

[50:05] When do we plug stuff?

[50:06] At the end.

[50:07] After this.

[50:08] Stuart, you seem raring to go, though.

[50:10] Do you have any recommendations of a movie that listeners might like to see?

Stuart Wellington

[50:15] Well, people that have been listening for a while probably know that I like myself a good

[50:19] Dirty Dozeny-style war movie.

[50:22] Men on a Mission, you would say.

[50:24] Sure, exactly.

[50:25] And this week's recommendation is no different.

[50:28] I am recommending the movie.

[50:30] Invisible Maniac.

Dan McCoy

[50:32] I don't think you've recommended that type of movie before, actually.

Elliott Kalan

[50:37] Listeners know that Stuart loves musicals set in the 30s.

[50:42] So, another one of those.

[50:43] Castle Freak.

[50:45] So, I'm going to recommend a little.

[50:47] I think over four years you've recommended three movies.

[50:51] Anyway, say it.

Stuart Wellington

[50:52] I'm going to be recommending a movie called Ironclad.

[50:56] Starring James Purifoy as a grouchy dude.

[51:01] As a grouchy Knights Templar who leads a ragtag bunch of dudes against an evil English king.

[51:07] So, if you like watching a movie set in the Middle Ages where a bunch of dudes hit each other in the head with axes and their heads totally explode and Brian Cox gets both of his hands chopped off before being thrown against a wall with a trebuchet.

[51:22] Go see the movie Ironclad.

[51:24] In all seriousness.

[51:25] That's very specific.

Elliott Kalan

[51:27] Is that a section in the store or is that an official genre?

[51:32] It's under the Brian Cox section.

[51:33] Excuse me.

Stuart Wellington

[51:34] Can you point me to your Knights get hit in the head with axes and their head explodes section?

Elliott Kalan

[51:39] Yeah, it's right behind romance.

[51:44] It's actually go through the beaded curtain.

[51:46] That's porno.

[51:46] Then go through the next beaded curtain.

[51:48] That's the Knights getting hit in the head until they're in the head.

[51:50] The sub-set of porno, which is Knights getting hit in the head.

Stuart Wellington

[51:53] Mike, I will admit, watching the movie, you're not going to be like, oh, wow, this is amazing.

[51:57] I'm looking at movies in a whole new light.

[51:59] Undersell it.

[52:01] I get a certain pleasure from watching a movie where you know all these awesome battlers are all going to die and one dude at the end is going to be like, oh, spoiler alert.

[52:10] Oh, we managed to survive somehow.

[52:12] But only one chode is still alive.

[52:15] So is that dialogue from the movie.

[52:18] Avast ye chodes.

[52:19] Ripped from that.

[52:21] But the thing is, well.

Elliott Kalan

[52:22] Yon chodes will be no match for my armies.

[52:24] Let me sell this movie.

[52:25] Okay.

[52:26] Keep selling.

Stuart Wellington

[52:27] Paul Giamatti plays an evil English king, and he's great.

[52:30] He's got at least one or two great speeches.

[52:32] You got Brian Cox.

[52:34] You got Mackenzie Crook in a non-Pirates of the Caribbean or office role.

[52:39] You have James Purifoy, for some reason, playing like a grim loner, which James Purifoy is easily at his best when he plays like kind of a crazy guy, like on the TV show Rome, but whatever.

[52:49] But it's really fucking gory.

[52:51] It's like watching an entire movie that's just the Battle of Helm's Deep, but instead of orcs, you have dudes who are about to get their heads smashed in.

[53:00] And it's super gory, and they play the same music, and it's pretty awesome.

[53:04] So check that.

Dan McCoy

[53:06] All right, Dan.

[53:07] Ironclad.

[53:09] You know, I haven't seen a lot of movies, but as it happens, I saw a good movie with Daniel Craig in it, and that was the American version of Girl with a Dragon Tattoo.

[53:22] And I, you know, like that's good.

[53:24] Yeah, it's good.

[53:24] It's a movie that I was actually sort of surprised it wasn't a bigger hit.

[53:31] Like, it did not do a lot of box office, particularly in like...

[53:35] It wasn't buff OBO is what you're saying.

[53:36] No, it didn't.

[53:37] What you're saying is the Hicks, Hicks, Sticks, Picks.

Stuart Wellington

[53:40] It's the, uh...

[53:42] Are you saying that right before the holidays, people weren't into watching a Swedish movie set in Sweden about rape?

Elliott Kalan

[53:48] A Swedish rape conspiracy movie.

[53:50] Or a rapespiracy movie.

Dan McCoy

[53:52] It was not a big hit.

[53:53] It did not open huge.

[53:55] It did not open huge.

Stuart Wellington

[53:57] You would think with the success of the New York Giants that New York Giants owner something Mara, his daughter, in a movie...

[54:04] Wait, I'm basically...

[54:05] Wait, no, I fucked that up.

[54:08] No, but the...

[54:09] That Rooney Mara is like weirdly related to the guy who owns the New York Giants.

[54:13] I did not know that.

[54:14] Yeah.

[54:14] Fun fact.

[54:15] Film fun fact that I fucked up.

[54:17] Not that fun.

[54:18] I know, I messed up.

[54:19] It's okay.

[54:20] Chill out.

[54:20] Continue.

[54:21] I'm looking at a really small cat on my phone.

Dan McCoy

[54:25] But, no, I...

[54:26] I sort of expected a movie that was based on an international bestseller to open larger.

[54:33] But the thing is like, it's had some legs.

[54:36] I saw it late in its run.

[54:39] And it was...

[54:40] Stuart, true to his word, is showing a tiny cat on his phone.

[54:45] It looks like a bumblebee in cat form.

[54:48] Late in its run, we saw it in a completely full theater.

[54:52] And I think that's a testament to the fact that it has legs like people are talking about it.

[54:56] And enjoying it.

[54:57] And it's a movie that takes some of the lessons.

[55:01] It's not as good as Zodiac, but it takes some of the lessons that I think that David Fincher learned making Zodiac.

[55:06] And applies it to a fiction movie.

[55:08] Some of the lessons he forgot when he made Benjamin Button.

[55:11] Right.

[55:12] But it takes...

[55:12] It's a serial killer film.

[55:15] And a mystery film that has a legitimate slow burn.

[55:20] But the tension mounts very effectively.

[55:24] And it's a movie where there's a fairly complex mystery story that's told at times almost entirely visually.

[55:33] But you still follow exactly what the clues are that Daniel Craig is putting together.

[55:39] And it makes total sense.

[55:42] And Rooney Mara does a great job as Elizabeth Salander.

[55:45] And it's just a really entertaining movie that I would hate to think is, you know, sort of a footnote in David Fincher's career when, for whatever reason, like, fucking Benjamin Button was like a big movie for him.

Stuart Wellington

[56:01] So the movie you're recommending is Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

[56:04] Yes.

[56:06] 100%.

[56:06] I'm 100% behind that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[56:07] The Curious George of Benjamin Button.

[56:10] I will recommend another serial killer movie.

[56:13] It's Serial Killer Night on the Flophouse.

[56:15] Except for your movie and the movie we watched.

[56:18] This is a movie called The Chaser.

[56:20] Oh, I recommend it.

[56:21] Ironclad.

[56:21] Yeah.

[56:21] The Chaser, which is a Korean movie about a former cop who has been kicked off the force and now he's a pimp.

[56:29] And he finds that one of the girls in his stable has been kidnapped by a serial killer.

[56:34] And he has to figure out what's going on and find her.

[56:37] He thinks that his girls are being kidnapped and sold by somebody.

[56:41] He doesn't realize that they are being killed by the serial killer.

[56:44] And he and the police keep coming into cross purposes and running into each other while trying to catch and contain this guy.

[56:54] And there are a lot of very good suspense scenes.

[56:57] It's a really grim movie and it gets grimmer.

[57:00] But it is a good example of the Korean thriller genre that's been flourishing over the past five or six years or however long.

Stuart Wellington

[57:11] And I also want to touch on if you are a really big fan of the Magna Carta document.

[57:18] Ironclad is also good for fans of the Magna Carta.

[57:21] Who isn't, guys?

Elliott Kalan

[57:21] Yeah, I'm a huge fan of limiting the powers of King John.

[57:25] So I'm definitely going to watch Ironclad.

[57:28] Can we plug our things now, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[57:30] Sure, why not?

[57:32] Do people have things to plug?

[57:33] I do.

[57:33] I have a ton of shit.

[57:34] Sure, Stuart.

[57:34] I just have one thing.

Stuart Wellington

[57:36] First off, let me start.

[57:37] I don't know about you guys, but this weekend I got some big plans.

[57:41] What?

[57:41] I'm going to crack a couple of brewskis and go see our pal Nick Cage in the hit thriller Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance.

[57:48] Are you plugging a movie you're not even involved with?

[57:51] You're plugging the Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance movie?

[57:55] I thought that's what we do when we plug.

[57:57] We talk about what we're doing over the weekend.

[57:58] We plug things that we're involved with.

Dan McCoy

[58:00] Are you getting money from Neville Dean and Taylor?

[58:01] I don't understand.

Stuart Wellington

[58:02] No, I just wanted to see if you guys wanted to go see Ghost Rider.

Dan McCoy

[58:05] Well, you could have asked us that off air.

[58:08] But I'm not in plug form.

[58:10] It's not a plug.

Stuart Wellington

[58:11] But I thought our Flop House fans would want to go see it.

[58:13] Okay, fine.

[58:14] With you?

[58:15] I mean, maybe.

[58:16] So go to a movie theater and we might show up.

[58:18] Somewhere in the New York City area.

Dan McCoy

[58:20] On a weekend.

[58:21] It's possible that we'll all be there.

Stuart Wellington

[58:23] Cracking beers, watching Ghost Rider.

Elliott Kalan

[58:26] I mean.

[58:27] Well, I have an actual plug for a thing that I do.

[58:29] I got another one.

[58:30] Let me go with this one and then you can go to yours.

[58:34] The next in my rapidly diminishing series of film screenings is coming up.

[58:39] Diminishing?

[58:40] Why?

[58:40] My series closely watched films is coming to a close due to my overscheduling of myself.

[58:48] And at some point in the future, I'll show movies again at 92i Tribeca.

[58:51] But I have two months left and then I am going to draw this series to a close.

[58:55] Take a hiatus.

[58:56] Take a very long hiatus.

[58:58] And so on the first Thursday in March, which I think is March 1st, I will be showing The Great Northfield, Minnesota Raid.

[59:07] A really great 70s western crime action comedy starring Cliff Robertson and Robert Duvall.

[59:17] It's about the James Younger gang trying to knock off a bank in Minnesota and totally screwing it up completely.

[59:24] And it's a really good, like kind of this patchy but in a really interesting, fun way 70s western that's been overlooked by most people.

[59:34] And that will be 7.30 p.m.

[59:36] First Thursday in March.

[59:37] And my guest will be Jason Jones, correspondent for The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

[59:42] And you may know him from...

[59:44] Mr. Samantha Bee.

[59:45] Yeah, he may know him as Mr. Samantha Bee.

[59:47] Hollywood Kalen over here calling in the big guns.

[59:49] Oh yeah, well I only got two shows left.

[59:51] I gotta bring in big guests.

[59:52] Who's next?

[59:52] Hugh Jackman?

[59:53] Yes, Hugh Jackman.

[59:54] No, not Hugh Jackman.

Stuart Wellington

[59:56] Hugh Jackman.

Elliott Kalan

[59:57] But so, Jason Jones and me will talk The Great Northfield, Minnesota Raid.

[1:00:00] A really fun movie.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:01] And I also want to plug March 8th at Charlene's Bar is going to be a Purim party.

[1:00:08] For all you non-Jews out there, that's a costume party.

[1:00:12] It's going to be a lot of fun.

[1:00:13] They're going to be doing raffles for charity at Charlene's Bar on 353 Flatbush in Brooklyn, New York.

[1:00:19] Please come down.

[1:00:20] It's going to be a lot of fun.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:21] I'm sure I'll be dressed up as something really cool like Nicolas Cage or something.

[1:00:26] Yeah, or Drongo Merenghi.

[1:00:29] What's his name from Boyfriend School?

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:31] Drongo Merenghi from Boyfriend School.

[1:00:34] That's as cool as it gets.

[1:00:36] Yeah.

[1:00:36] Elliot will be, I don't know.

[1:00:37] That's what all women want.

[1:00:39] Some kind of an old-timey movie actor.

[1:00:41] Yeah.

[1:00:42] And Dan will be a muscle man or something.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:45] Awesome.

[1:00:46] Not in real life.

[1:00:48] So.

[1:00:49] Yeah.

[1:00:49] This is the part of the show where we end the show.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:53] You mean the end of the show?

[1:00:54] Yeah, what's going on here?

[1:00:55] That's what it's called.

[1:00:56] Whenever we end the show, you get this look on your face like you're about to pull one over on us.

[1:01:00] Yeah, like you got your James Franco look.

[1:01:02] Yeah.

[1:01:02] Suddenly the abominable Dr. Fibes is running the show.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:06] This whole thing has been a trick and you're trapped in my infernal machine.

[1:01:09] Oh no.

[1:01:10] You mean your apartment?

[1:01:11] Yep.

[1:01:13] So, P.S.

[1:01:14] I love you and goodnight.

[1:01:17] And good luck.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:18] You know what?

[1:01:19] Maybe we should take care of the Stuart and end the show.

[1:01:21] Hey guys, thanks for listening.

[1:01:23] Again, for some reason, my name is Stuart.

[1:01:25] My name is Elliot.

[1:01:27] My name is Dan.

[1:01:28] Thanks for listening.

[1:01:29] Goodnight.

[1:01:29] Or good morning.

[1:01:32] Deuces.

[1:01:34] Juicy.

[1:01:35] Are you moving the microphone away because you don't want me to talk in this episode?

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:46] No, I'm trying to.

[1:01:47] Because I'm kind of the meat.

[1:01:49] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:50] In the Flap House sandwich.

[1:01:52] Would I be the mayonnaise at that point?

[1:01:55] Yeah, emphasis on man.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:56] Oh, boo.

[1:01:57] Wait.

[1:01:57] The mayonnaise.

[1:01:59] Yep.

[1:02:00] And Dan is the plate.

[1:02:01] You're them.

The Flop House: Episode #96 - Dream House

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