The Flop House: Episode #98 - In Time

Dan McCoy

[0:00] We discuss the movie that doesn't understand either how time or money works.

[0:05] In time.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:36] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:39] Yes, we're all back. Sorry about the, a little bit of time off.

[0:43] Yeah, there's a delay.

Elliott Kalan

[0:44] Yeah, sorry about taking time off.

[0:47] I don't know, it seems, why would you...

[0:48] I guess it's been a matter of time since our last time cast.

[0:52] Okay, that was weird.

Dan McCoy

[0:53] Did you have a stroke? I don't understand why you keep emphasizing that.

[0:56] I had a time.

[0:56] It's a time cast.

[0:57] Time.

[0:59] I don't, I mean, that wasn't even, you just said I had a time.

[1:02] That's not a...

[1:03] Time.

[1:04] Okay.

[1:05] So yeah, it's been a while since we've done one of these.

Stuart Wellington

[1:07] A lot of time, perhaps?

[1:10] Yeah, I'd probably say that.

[1:12] Would you?

[1:13] I mean, not right now. I'd feel kind of weird.

[1:16] Weird about how much time it's been?

Elliott Kalan

[1:19] Yeah, maybe.

[1:21] Dan, that recipe you were telling me about, how much time do I need for that?

[1:25] A couple of tablespoons of time.

[1:27] And how much time should I leave it in the oven for?

[1:31] Two hours.

Dan McCoy

[1:33] Of time.

[1:34] Okay, thank you.

[1:35] Two hours units of time.

[1:38] We watched a movie called In Time.

[1:41] Did you want to talk about any other stuff before we got to the movie?

[1:43] No, no.

[1:43] Okay.

[1:43] Apparently not.

Stuart Wellington

[1:44] Would you say it was a timely selection?

Dan McCoy

[1:46] I would not.

Elliott Kalan

[1:48] Why?

[1:48] Because we're experiencing time right now?

Dan McCoy

[1:50] Because it speaks to the human condition right now?

[1:53] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:54] It speaks to the human condition.

[1:55] It's all about the Occupy movement.

Stuart Wellington

[1:56] Not really.

[1:58] Aren't they about the government taking all the time away from the redistribution of time to the people?

Dan McCoy

[2:06] This is about a dystopian future.

Elliott Kalan

[2:08] Oh, is it ever dystopian?

[2:11] If you want to know what kind of topia it is, the answer is dis.

[2:16] Don't file this one under utopia.

[2:18] That would be the wrong type of topia.

[2:20] This topia type is dystopia.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] So there's been a lot of repeating things in this podcast so far.

Elliott Kalan

[2:26] If you're trying to sculpt your bushes in your garden to make a dystopiary, this would be the kind of topia to copy.

[2:35] All right, well, what happened in this movie?

[2:37] Guys.

[2:38] What did happen?

[2:39] Yeah.

[2:39] Well, Dan.

[2:40] Wait, that's what you do.

[2:41] Yeah, oh, okay.

[2:42] What, you mean the plot summaries?

Stuart Wellington

[2:44] So yeah, I'm going to bounce the ball and then pass it over to you.

[2:46] Okay, I'm holding this imaginary ball.

[2:48] That's the podcast ball.

Dan McCoy

[2:49] You should see it, listeners.

[2:51] They are actually miming this.

[2:53] It's good improv object work.

[2:55] It's called object work.

[2:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[2:56] Well, it's just like when you had ventriloquists on the radio.

[2:58] They still used the dummy and everything.

[2:59] We're still miming the time ball.

[3:01] Yeah, it adds something to the performance.

[3:03] I said podcast ball.

Stuart Wellington

[3:04] I mean, listeners can sense it.

[3:05] It'll be time ball later.

[3:06] Time ball.

[3:08] That's the sequel to In Time.

Elliott Kalan

[3:09] Yeah, it's also a sequel to Rollerball.

[3:11] That's the weird thing.

[3:11] It's a double sequel.

[3:12] It's just like that mash-em-up that I wanted to do called Terminator 4 Short Circuit 3.

Stuart Wellington

[3:17] Yep.

[3:18] What was that going to be called?

[3:19] That's the name.

[3:20] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[3:21] Terminator 4 slash Short Circuit 3.

[3:23] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[3:23] So it's like there's sex in it or?

[3:27] What?

[3:27] Well, because you said slash.

[3:28] No, no, no.

Elliott Kalan

[3:29] I was just telling you the punctuation.

[3:31] Like face slash off.

[3:33] Okay.

[3:33] It's a hit film starring John Travolta and Nicholas Mage.

[3:36] But don't they have sex in that movie?

[3:37] No, they don't.

[3:38] I think I watched the wrong movie.

[3:40] Yay.

[3:40] I think you do.

[3:41] Oh.

[3:42] Oh.

[3:42] Anyway, In Time.

[3:44] In Time takes place in a dystopian future?

[3:47] I guess.

Dan McCoy

[3:49] Or maybe a parallel universe.

[3:50] It's gotta be.

Elliott Kalan

[3:51] I see a map every once in a while up on a computer screen.

[3:53] And it does not look like America that we know and love.

[3:55] But also, they all drive 70s muscle cars.

[3:58] Guys dress kind of like it's the 50s sometimes.

[4:00] And sometimes like it's the 90s.

[4:02] I guess what I'm saying is it's very lazy art direction.

Stuart Wellington

[4:05] And the poor people just wear a little bit fewer suits than the rich people.

Elliott Kalan

[4:10] Yeah, the people who are, I'm putting this in quotes, poor and who live in, quote, the ghetto

[4:13] because they call it that a lot, all wear like, they dress like hipsters.

[4:17] Like they wear v-neck sweaters and like Adidas sneakers and things like that.

[4:20] Yeah.

[4:20] And Corroy pants.

[4:21] Well, they're 25 years old, Elliot.

[4:22] Yeah, that's true.

Dan McCoy

[4:23] Unless they're criminals and then they dress like mod gangsters.

Elliott Kalan

[4:27] Yeah, or like backup.

[4:28] You're gonna break into a dance.

[4:29] Like backup dancers from a stage production of Chicago.

[4:32] Yeah.

[4:32] Anyway, so In Time posits a dystopian world where instead of money, get this, get this.

[4:40] Okay.

[4:41] In real life, let me explain what money is.

[4:43] Okay.

[4:43] We use money as a way to exchange credit or value for goods and services.

[4:49] Okay.

[4:50] And you're rich the more money you have.

[4:52] And it allows you to buy things.

[4:53] And guys, guys, guys, guys, I'm gonna blow you guys' minds.

Dan McCoy

[4:56] Because money has no inherent value.

[4:58] It only has the value that we place on it.

[5:00] All right, college sophomore.

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] Let's, everyone knows money does have inherent value.

[5:04] God said so in the Bible.

[5:05] Anyway, so in this world though, instead of money, guess what they use for money?

[5:11] I can't, I can't possibly guess.

[5:12] I'll give you a hint.

[5:13] It's in the title.

[5:14] That's right.

[5:15] In.

[5:16] In.

[5:16] The quality of being inside or surrounded by something.

[5:20] So like if you want to buy something, you go into a room.

[5:23] That's what was going on.

[5:24] Yeah, yeah.

[5:24] And if you want to like make an insurance payment, you have to put it in an envelope.

Stuart Wellington

[5:29] Is that why they had numbers on their arms?

Elliott Kalan

[5:31] Oh, the numbers.

[5:32] That's for a different reason.

[5:33] No, they use time.

[5:34] It's a sex thing.

[5:35] It's just, yes.

[5:35] It's a numbers on your arm fetish.

[5:38] They use time as money in this.

[5:40] Now, in this world, people have somehow been genetically bred to, you got a time on your timer readout on your arm that glows green.

[5:47] So you can see it in the dark and you, at the age of 25, you stop aging.

[5:53] You're 25 physically forever, but then you get one hour left of life and that time can be bought or sold or accumulated.

[6:01] And then you live forever if you have the time.

[6:04] But if you don't, you die as soon as your time runs out.

[6:09] And you spend time on everything, rent, food, coffee, clothes.

[6:12] Just like you'd spend money, right?

Stuart Wellington

[6:14] Just like you'd spend money.

Elliott Kalan

[6:15] Without inherent value.

[6:16] It's like if every time you spent a dollar, you lost a minute off your life.

[6:21] Okay.

[6:22] Now, get this.

[6:23] In this radically different world where spending time literally means you live less, guess what amazing social changes this has created?

Dan McCoy

[6:32] I imagine that people are really living their life to the fullest.

[6:35] You know, like they're cutting down to just the bare necessities of life.

[6:40] Nope.

Elliott Kalan

[6:41] Nope.

[6:41] Almost none.

[6:42] Everyone lives almost exactly the same except the very rich sit around in their marble houses and don't do very much.

[6:48] And the very poor go to jobs in factories and pay their rent and dress like hipsters.

Stuart Wellington

[6:54] And sometimes they stand around in mobs that don't really accomplish anything.

Elliott Kalan

[6:58] They spent, for people who, and the word time is used maybe a thousand million billion times in this movie.

[7:03] For people who are constantly griping about how little time they have left, they spent a lot of time milling around.

[7:09] Like a lot of time just standing around complaining about things.

Stuart Wellington

[7:11] It'd be one thing if like they had this crazy riot where they revolted and attacked people.

[7:15] But no, like their riot is a bunch of guys standing around.

Elliott Kalan

[7:18] Just kind of looking.

[7:18] Yeah.

[7:19] Yeah.

[7:19] And if you run out of time and you die, your body just falls down in the gutter and they just leave you there.

[7:25] So there's a lot of times when someone, like Justin Timberlake, the star of the film.

[7:28] I forgot to mention.

[7:29] I haven't actually mentioned the plot.

[7:31] J-Time.

[7:32] I've only, they should have called this movie Just in Time.

[7:34] That would have been fantastic.

[7:36] But I haven't even mentioned the plot.

[7:37] That's just the setting.

[7:38] But Justin Timberlake is going to work at his job making time bricks.

[7:42] And he is, he just looks.

[7:44] There's no other commodities.

[7:45] Well, that's the way you transfer time.

Stuart Wellington

[7:47] Is in a time brick.

[7:48] They look like old, like, data cassettes or something, right?

Dan McCoy

[7:51] Yeah, they look like big pieces of, little pieces of metal with meat.

[7:54] They look like a Betamax.

[7:55] Yeah, yeah.

[7:56] Or like a, no, more like an eight track.

[7:58] Yeah.

[7:59] Like a silver eight track.

Elliott Kalan

[8:01] The fabled silver eight track.

[8:03] If you find it, then you get a magical tour to Willy Wonka's eight track factory.

Dan McCoy

[8:08] Oh, I thought that was just, you know, if you had a hit record, but not like a huge hit in the 70s.

[8:11] You get a silver eight track.

Elliott Kalan

[8:12] Yeah, that's if you sell your song a million times just over CB radio.

[8:19] That's a silver eight track.

[8:20] Like Disco Duck.

[8:21] That's a silver eight track.

[8:25] Disco Duck actually is now the Affleck Duck.

[8:27] Oh, wow.

[8:28] Fitzgerald said American lives have no second act.

[8:30] But in the case of Disco Duck, he is mistaken, who is now the Affleck Duck.

[8:35] But anyway, so Justin Timberlake is going to work.

[8:37] A little time in Duckburg before that.

[8:38] Justin Timberlake.

[8:39] Yeah, what was he doing there?

[8:40] Well, he probably killed Scrooge McDuck in his money time vault.

[8:43] Sure, okay.

[8:44] So in example, if this was DuckTales, Uncle Scrooge would have a time vault and he would go swimming in time.

Stuart Wellington

[8:50] And instead of his number one dime, he would have his number one minute.

Elliott Kalan

[8:53] Yeah, I guess in like a little time brick.

[8:56] But so Justin Timberlake is going to work at the time factory and he looks down and there's just someone dead lying on the ground.

[9:02] No one's fazed by this.

[9:03] No one cleans it up.

[9:05] No one does anything.

[9:06] It's just, well, we live in a world where 25-year-olds are just dropping dead on the ground.

Dan McCoy

[9:09] Well, there's like street sweepers that come up early in the morning.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] Time sweepers.

[9:15] So here's the plot, shall we?

[9:17] Justin Timberlake is just your average Joe, or in this case, average Justin.

[9:21] He works at a time brick factory.

[9:23] His girlfriend, Olivia Wilde, doesn't have enough time.

[9:25] They don't have enough time.

[9:26] They're always late on the time bills.

[9:27] They're going to die soon, probably.

[9:30] He's in a bar with his-

Dan McCoy

[9:31] Living day to day, literally.

[9:34] Sorry.

Elliott Kalan

[9:36] Sure.

[9:36] Sure, yeah.

[9:37] Okay, thanks.

[9:38] Step by step.

[9:38] Lost my train of thought, but worth it.

[9:40] Step by step.

Stuart Wellington

[9:41] He's hanging out in a bar with the guy from Big Bang Theory.

[9:43] He's hanging out in a bar.

[9:44] He was also Darlene's boyfriend.

Elliott Kalan

[9:45] He's hanging out in a bar with Darlene's boyfriend from Roseanne.

[9:48] You may know him as Big Bang Theory number two.

[9:50] And this guy walks in with like a hundred years worth of time on his arm, and he just keeps

[9:54] going-

[9:54] Looks like the guy from White Collar.

[9:55] And he's just going, I'll buy one for everybody.

[9:58] I'll buy a round for everybody.

[9:59] And Justin Timberlake's like, hey man, if you don't watch it, you're going to get beaten

[10:02] up.

[10:02] There's a gang called the Minutemen who kill people and steal their time.

[10:07] Yeah.

[10:07] They sound pretty scary.

[10:08] They're not.

[10:08] Don't worry.

[10:09] They're led by an English guy, and one of the guys wears a hat.

[10:12] That's pretty much the Minutemen.

[10:13] I mean, they're snappy dresses, though.

[10:15] That indicates-

[10:15] Yeah, they walked out of Quadrophenia.

[10:17] It's like they walked right out of a Gap ad.

[10:19] Quadrophenia, yeah.

[10:21] And not the rocker part of Quadrophenia.

[10:23] Yeah.

[10:24] The mod part of Quadrophenia.

[10:26] So anyway, Justin Timberlake's like, hey man, stop throwing your time around.

[10:30] You're going to get beat up for your time.

[10:32] And then this Minutemen group comes in.

[10:34] They're going to steal from-

Stuart Wellington

[10:35] Almost like a gypsy, he predicts the future.

[10:37] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[10:38] And he puts a thinner curse on someone.

[10:40] Sure.

[10:41] Because it's time, he says, slower, slower.

[10:45] That'd be better, though.

[10:46] Yeah.

[10:46] Oh, I mean, faster.

[10:47] Yeah.

[10:48] No, that's good.

[10:48] Faster.

[10:49] Anywho.

[10:50] Fester?

[10:51] Yeah, Uncle Fester.

[10:53] He's in this?

[10:54] I wish.

[10:55] How much better would this have been if Christopher Lloyd just running around, just doing whatever?

[10:59] We've got to get more time.

[11:01] The piranhas.

[11:02] He's always-

[11:02] The Libyans!

[11:03] The time Libyans!

[11:05] Marty!

[11:07] No, no, no, my name is Justin Timberlake.

[11:08] Marty!

[11:09] Anyway.

[11:11] Time.

[11:12] He saves the life of this guy who has 100 years.

[11:14] They hang out in a loft space for a while, and the 100-year guy gives Justin Timberlake his time and then commits suicide.

[11:21] And Justin Timberlake decides he's going to use this time.

[11:24] He's going to go into the rich zones because society is split up into geographic zones, and it costs time, like a toll, to get between zones.

Dan McCoy

[11:33] You skip over a very important point, which is that Olivia Wilde-

[11:36] Oh, yeah, I forgot his girlfriend.

[11:38] His girlfriend can't make it to meet Justin because the rates on the buses have gone up to two hours.

Elliott Kalan

[11:45] The 100-year-old man tells Justin Timberlake that after a hilarious question and answer session, 100-year-old man, you know, classic Mel Brooks car rider bit, he tells him the people in charge are keeping the control of the system and keep everyone down.

[12:02] And they always raise the rates on everything as soon as people get more time, I guess.

[12:08] Like, they're constantly raising the rates on things so that people have to work harder.

[12:11] And we've seen this.

[12:12] The price of coffee-

[12:12] Trying to create this time incumbency.

[12:14] Yes.

[12:14] Time incumbency.

[12:15] Someone's been watching The Daily Show a couple times.

[12:19] They raise the price of coffee from three minutes to four minutes, and they raise the cost of the bus from one hour to two hours.

[12:25] That's a significant increase.

[12:27] That is a 100% increase.

[12:29] And Olivia Wilde was-

Dan McCoy

[12:29] Frankly, it's too much.

[12:30] She was cutting it a bit close.

[12:32] She had an hour and a half left on her arm.

Stuart Wellington

[12:34] So even if she got on the bus-

[12:36] Yeah.

[12:36] Like, let's say-

[12:37] If there's bad traffic.

[12:38] Yeah, let's say minimum 15-minute bus ride.

[12:40] She's got 15 minutes left in her life.

[12:42] What's she planning on doing?

[12:43] I guess just hanging out.

[12:45] Yeah.

[12:45] Milling around looking at things.

[12:46] I mean, maybe-

[12:47] Enjoying her last 15 minutes.

Dan McCoy

[12:48] Yeah, I couldn't-

[12:48] I think maybe JT was showing up with a little extra time for her, but-

Elliott Kalan

[12:52] Well, JT, it was her birthday.

[12:53] He was showing up with flowers.

[12:54] Yeah, but he had 100 years on him.

[12:56] He could have given her more time, but she didn't know.

[12:58] I'm just wondering what the original plan was.

[13:00] Before-

[13:00] Oh, it was a poorly thought-out plan.

[13:02] Yeah.

[13:02] Look, there's a reason they're at the bottom.

[13:03] They don't deserve to be rich.

[13:04] They don't think ahead.

[13:05] They're not educated.

Dan McCoy

[13:06] Anyway, the point is she can't take the bus, so they have to run towards each other.

Stuart Wellington

[13:09] And she runs out of time just too late.

[13:11] And she's dealing with a bus driver who does not let her get on the bus, despite the fact

[13:15] that he knows that he's condemning her to a death sentence.

[13:17] Yes.

[13:18] Yeah, well-

[13:19] Well, he's a bad guy.

Dan McCoy

[13:20] Look, it's the pressure of society.

[13:22] That's the only thing that bus driver has ever known, Stuart.

[13:26] Oh, okay.

[13:27] So I can't blame him.

[13:28] It's society that's sick.

Elliott Kalan

[13:29] Yeah, you're talking about cultural equivalents, and that's just not fair.

[13:32] I mean, can I blame the guy who invented the green time arm tattoo thing?

[13:35] Oh, John Time?

[13:36] Yes, you can blame him.

[13:37] But he's been dead for thousands of years.

Stuart Wellington

[13:39] Okay, why didn't he just give himself a million years?

Elliott Kalan

[13:42] He thought it wouldn't be fair.

[13:43] No one knows.

[13:44] Actually, what happened is he got hit by a car.

[13:47] He gave himself a thousand million years, then he got hit by a car.

[13:50] Yeah.

[13:50] Ironic.

[13:51] And that's the thing in this movie is everyone's like, oh, we all know exactly how long we're

[13:54] going to live, but there are tons of-

[13:55] You still die of financial causes.

[13:57] Well, people die of freak accidents all the time, or things, like hit by cars, you fall

[14:02] off a building, someone shoots you, a shark bites you, maybe a porcupine bomb blows up

[14:07] and the quills shoot.

[14:08] Don't just kill you, but the quills shoot everybody.

[14:11] Maybe someone throws a bomb bomb at you.

[14:13] You've got a couple seconds to throw it away before it blows up, but a shy guy walks up

[14:18] to you, a goomba, maybe a Koopa Troopa.

[14:20] Yeah, you've got to keep a guy on the shelf.

[14:22] Or a Koopa Paratroopa, you've got to look up in the skies.

[14:24] There's a guy just throwing spike balls at you.

[14:26] You've got to jump a bullet with a face on it.

[14:28] I don't know what those are called.

[14:30] A bob the bullet, I believe.

Stuart Wellington

[14:31] Who are those hammer brothers that throw hammer brothers?

[14:33] They're called the hammer brothers.

Elliott Kalan

[14:36] You know those brothers who throw hammers?

[14:38] I'd call them hammer brothers.

[14:39] You've got piranha plants.

[14:40] You've got fireballs.

[14:42] You've got Koopa himself.

[14:43] You could just fall down a hole.

[14:45] Maybe Yoshi eats you.

[14:46] He thinks you're an apple.

Stuart Wellington

[14:48] Yeah.

[14:48] These are all things that could happen to you.

Elliott Kalan

[14:50] To you in real life.

[14:51] Average citizen.

[14:52] To you, the listener.

[14:53] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[14:54] But not if you have a tanuki suit.

[14:55] Then you've got a little extra.

Elliott Kalan

[14:57] Oh, don't be too complacent.

[14:59] The tanuki suit won't save you all the time.

[15:01] So you're turning into a statue for like two seconds.

[15:03] And I mean, girls like it.

[15:04] Oh, they love it.

[15:05] Yeah, they go apeshit for that.

[15:06] Yeah, it's super cute and it comes with a little tail and little ears.

[15:09] It's like you're wearing a Japanese hat.

[15:10] Anyway, so.

[15:12] What were we talking about?

[15:14] I don't remember.

[15:14] Oh, Olivia Wilde dies.

[15:15] Olivia Wilde dies in his arms.

Dan McCoy

[15:17] Which gives JT some avenging fury.

Elliott Kalan

[15:20] Yeah, now just him has nothing to lose.

[15:23] So he goes through the different zones to the rich person zone.

[15:25] Yep.

[15:26] And starts setting himself up in style.

[15:27] He goes to a rich person's casino.

[15:29] And he meets Pete Campbell from Mad Men.

[15:32] Uh-huh.

[15:33] Who is.

[15:33] Probably not a bad guy.

[15:36] Who is.

[15:37] I always.

[15:38] He's just like.

[15:39] I guess I assume the worst.

[15:41] Like the guy who runs everything.

[15:42] They don't quite come out and say it.

[15:44] But he's.

Dan McCoy

[15:44] He's King Cuba.

[15:45] Well, he's a big time like banker.

[15:47] Like he's a.

[15:48] Time banker.

Elliott Kalan

[15:49] He is a big time banker.

Dan McCoy

[15:51] Yes.

[15:52] He runs like time credit.

[15:55] Yeah.

[15:56] Organization.

[15:57] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[15:57] His name is Weiss.

[15:58] Because of course the movie kind of implies that the Jews are behind the banking.

[16:01] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:02] And no one's more Jewish than Pete Campbell.

Elliott Kalan

[16:05] And yeah, you're right.

[16:07] He runs a chain of like time lending banks.

[16:09] Yeah.

[16:09] With a very steep rates.

[16:11] Very steep.

[16:12] And of course he.

[16:13] He is.

[16:14] Like 30%.

[16:15] He's 25 years old too.

Dan McCoy

[16:16] I mean like that's.

[16:16] Like he's got the.

[16:18] He's got daughters that are.

[16:19] Well that's the thing.

Stuart Wellington

[16:19] Yeah, they throw in a good bit where they show his mother-in-law, his wife, and then his

[16:24] daughter and they're all the same age except Amanda Seyfried.

[16:27] His daughter dresses like she's like four years old or something.

[16:30] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] She's always wearing like party dresses.

[16:33] Like she dresses like Nancy basically.

[16:35] Or like.

[16:36] Or like a little doll.

[16:38] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[16:39] She's dressing for the Bonnie part and the Bonnie and Clyde that they're going to become.

[16:44] She looks more like she's dressing for the Angelica part in Rugrats.

[16:48] Okay.

[16:50] Let's say that.

[16:50] Yeah, that's a good reference.

[16:51] What was the.

Elliott Kalan

[16:51] Or Elmira from Tiny Toons.

[16:54] Is that her name?

Dan McCoy

[16:55] Sure.

[16:56] I mean.

[16:56] Either of those work.

[16:58] She has Amanda Seyfried's body though.

[17:00] That should not be overlooked.

[17:02] Yeah, that's Slammin'.

[17:02] Yeah, like Elmira from Tiny Toons.

[17:04] Okay.

[17:05] Now it got weird.

Elliott Kalan

[17:06] No, she doesn't.

[17:06] Anyway, it's Slammin'.

[17:08] But moving on.

[17:09] She goes.

Dan McCoy

[17:11] It's the Slammin' Salmon.

[17:13] The Slammin' Salmon?

[17:15] No, not at all.

[17:17] It's Broken Lizards.

[17:19] I'm dread.

Elliott Kalan

[17:19] No, please.

[17:21] At the very least, her body is Super Troopers.

[17:24] Okay.

[17:25] But it's way better than that.

[17:26] Anyway, he meets Pete Campbell, who's a big, rich, muckety-muck.

[17:29] His daughter.

[17:30] Pete Campbell's daughter is Amanda Seyfried.

[17:31] Sure.

[17:32] And Justin Timberlake and Pete Campbell in a high-stakes game of Texas Hold'em.

[17:36] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[17:36] Because roughly 100 years in the future, Texas Hold'em is still the hottest shit in the world.

[17:42] Yeah.

[17:42] I mean, I guess maybe it just came back around.

Elliott Kalan

[17:44] It's a retro craze.

[17:45] It's a retro craze.

[17:46] Yeah.

[17:47] The same way that hitting that big hoop with a stick is such a big thing right now.

[17:52] Yeah.

[17:53] And wearing barrels around.

[17:54] Yeah.

[17:56] Pastimes come back every 100 years or so.

[17:59] So Timberlake and Pete Campbell have a poker game.

[18:05] Timberlake wins like 1,000 years.

[18:07] Now he's super rich.

[18:08] And Dan spent a ridiculous amount of time trying to work out the exchange rate between time and

[18:14] our dollars.

[18:14] I think I figured it out.

Stuart Wellington

[18:15] I mean, I don't think in the context of the movie, no amount of time is ridiculous.

Dan McCoy

[18:19] All right.

[18:19] So, I mean, there's like two months paid for like a nice but not great hotel room in like

[18:27] the fanciest part of town.

Elliott Kalan

[18:29] But he also had a meal that cost him eight and a half weeks.

Dan McCoy

[18:33] I don't know.

[18:33] But like the two months.

[18:35] That's over.

[18:36] That's almost like two months.

[18:37] I mean, like if it's a really nice meal, like it could cost more than a.

Elliott Kalan

[18:39] That restaurant was not like Jean-Georges quality.

[18:42] All right.

[18:42] But my point is.

[18:43] He wasn't that per se.

[18:44] Let's say then.

[18:45] Now that we've mentioned them, they have to give us free stuff, right?

Dan McCoy

[18:47] Right.

[18:47] Yeah.

[18:47] Yes.

[18:48] Because we're so well listened to.

[18:50] No, but let's say then that two months is $400.

[18:54] So that makes like a year's worth of time is about $2,500 at that point.

[19:00] You know, like.

[19:01] So to have like 100 years, you know.

[19:06] All right.

[19:06] You're talking about $250,000 there.

[19:09] That's a lot of money.

[19:10] It's a lot of money.

[19:11] All rich television writers.

[19:12] But if that's all that you have for all of your life, like that is like one year salary

[19:17] of like a well-off person.

[19:19] It's not, you know.

[19:20] It's not like you're.

[19:20] It's 1%, Dan.

[19:21] A 1%er.

[19:22] Yeah.

[19:23] But like a rich person.

[19:24] But that's one year of their salary.

[19:25] There's not like they're set for life after they have 100 years on their time arm.

Stuart Wellington

[19:29] And keep in mind that like you're also using that time at a regular rate as well.

Elliott Kalan

[19:34] You also use up money by just living.

[19:36] Yeah.

[19:36] By just experiencing time.

[19:38] That's a good point.

[19:39] And one that's not really.

Dan McCoy

[19:40] Time is money, which is really the phrase that was the inspiration for this.

[19:45] Someone was like.

[19:46] So he was stoned.

[19:46] He's like, what if time was money?

[19:48] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[19:48] Someone said, time is money.

[19:49] And he went, whoa.

[19:50] What if it was?

[19:52] Yeah.

[19:53] Get me my pen.

[19:54] He writes everything out in longhand.

Dan McCoy

[19:56] So anyway.

[19:57] He wrote this script in an evening.

[19:59] Yes.

[20:00] So Jimbo.

[20:01] Because this is a world where time is money.

Stuart Wellington

[20:03] But they don't actually seem to do anything ever really.

Elliott Kalan

[20:06] Well, that's because the rich people are afraid of getting hurt.

[20:09] And the poor people are just.

Stuart Wellington

[20:10] And the heroes are afraid of taking action because it would use up screwed monies.

Elliott Kalan

[20:14] You do have time cops called time keepers.

[20:16] Okay.

[20:17] Here, the main one is Cillian Murphy.

[20:19] Okay.

[20:19] Who you may know as Scarecrow from Batman Begins.

[20:21] He looks 25.

Dan McCoy

[20:22] And Scarecrow from Scarecrow and Mrs. King.

Elliott Kalan

[20:24] And Scarecrow from.

[20:25] The Wizard of Oz.

[20:26] The Wizard of Oz.

[20:27] Yep.

[20:28] And what's that movie?

[20:30] And the crow.

[20:31] Jeeber Griebers.

[20:32] What's that movie with Al Pacino and Gene Hackman?

[20:34] Oh, yeah.

[20:34] Scarecrow.

[20:35] Oh, it's just called Scarecrow.

[20:35] Yeah, it's just called Scarecrow.

[20:36] Yeah, anyway.

[20:37] So Cillian Murphy from some of those movies.

[20:40] Jeebers Creepers.

[20:41] Yes.

[20:42] Is a timekeeper.

[20:44] Which means he's like a cop who enforces the time laws.

[20:47] So you can't.

[20:48] The poor stay poor.

[20:49] It's the first law of the time laws.

[20:50] Is you don't talk about time laws.

[20:52] Okay.

[20:53] Second law of time laws.

[20:54] Also, you don't talk about time laws.

[20:56] And the last law is if it's your first time, you have to time.

Dan McCoy

[21:01] All right.

[21:02] Well, so Cillian Murphy's on this guy's tail, right?

Elliott Kalan

[21:06] He's on this guy's tail, chasing him.

[21:08] And because they have identified him as possessing a bunch of time, they don't know how he got it.

Dan McCoy

[21:13] And J. Time has, by this point, kidnapped Amanda Seyfried.

[21:17] Well, we haven't gotten to that point.

Elliott Kalan

[21:18] Maybe he's kidnapped her heart.

[21:20] Yeah, well.

[21:21] He goes to a big party at Pete Campbell's house.

[21:24] Cillian Murphy comes in and takes away J. Time's thousand years.

[21:27] Leaves him with only two hours.

[21:28] And so J. Time takes Amanda Seyfried, who he's already gone skinny dipping with.

[21:31] Yeah.

[21:33] Hostage.

Dan McCoy

[21:33] Like, two days at most after his girlfriend's death, by the way.

[21:38] Yeah, but he's powered by a relationship.

[21:39] This is Amanda Seyfried we're talking about.

Elliott Kalan

[21:41] He's powered by vengeance and she's the slamming salmon.

[21:43] I mean, what's the...

[21:44] What don't you get?

Dan McCoy

[21:45] Like, if it comes down to Amanda Seyfried versus Olivia Wilde, sure.

[21:49] You know, I prefer Amanda Seyfried, but we're led to believe that Justin Timberlake had some

[21:53] serious feelings for this woman who died in his arms.

Stuart Wellington

[21:56] Yeah, like, I really enjoy this hamburger, but if this delicious steak is placed in front

[22:00] of me, I'll forget I ever had a hamburger.

[22:02] Okay.

Dan McCoy

[22:04] I guess, you know, I guess when, you know, you're using up your life minute by minute,

[22:08] there's no time to mourn.

Elliott Kalan

[22:10] No, there's no time to mourn.

[22:14] Anyway, they're on the run.

[22:15] Do you see what you just did there?

[22:15] Yeah, I do.

[22:16] Okay.

[22:16] I wish you didn't.

[22:19] They are...

[22:20] There's a car...

[22:21] There's the first of about a billion car chases that are not very good.

[22:24] They get into a car accident.

[22:26] Some minute men come along and take Amanda Seyfried's time.

[22:28] Now they've only got, like, a couple minutes between them.

[22:31] Yeah, they're broke again.

[22:32] The rest of the movie is basically them on the lam.

[22:34] They decide to start robbing time banks and giving out time, like a couple of robbing

[22:38] times.

Stuart Wellington

[22:38] Like natural-born killers.

[22:40] They become, as you said, time bandits.

[22:40] Natural-born timers or time hoods.

Elliott Kalan

[22:42] They become time bandits, which should have been the title of the movie because it would have

[22:45] made me angry, and then I would have felt something about this movie.

[22:49] They become a bunch of time bandits.

[22:51] It would be awesome if they became dwarves at that point.

[22:53] But they're just going around stealing time from people and giving it out to the masses,

[22:57] and this is going to totally destabilize the system.

Stuart Wellington

[23:00] Would they be, like, super-deformed dwarves or, like, Lord of the Rings dwarves?

[23:05] You mean hobbits?

[23:06] No, like, uh, with beards and shit.

Elliott Kalan

[23:09] Wait, they might have beards.

[23:11] I don't know why they wouldn't.

Stuart Wellington

[23:11] Or would they be, like, super-deformed, like, anime characters?

Elliott Kalan

[23:14] You mean, oh, they'd be like that.

[23:15] With the huge heads and the huge eyes.

[23:17] Well, Seafried would be an anime character.

[23:18] She already pretty much is an anime character.

[23:20] Yeah.

[23:21] If Amanda Seafried reminds me of anything, it's the hologram bride of that one character

[23:26] in Archer.

[23:27] Yeah, of Krieger.

[23:28] Yeah, I can see that.

[23:29] I'm not familiar.

Stuart Wellington

[23:30] Oh, you should watch that show.

[23:31] It's a good show.

[23:32] Anywho.

[23:32] She's an animated Japanese bride character.

[23:35] I gathered.

[23:36] Krieger the scientist.

[23:37] Thank you.

[23:38] Thanks, Stuart, for backing me up on that one.

[23:40] No, no, no.

[23:40] I was just giving you some support.

Elliott Kalan

[23:43] Always time for that.

[23:44] Time?

[23:45] Anyway, so they're on their Robin Hood spree.

[23:47] The cops are after him.

[23:48] Pete Campbell's after him.

[23:50] And it just kind of keeps going like that until...

Stuart Wellington

[23:54] And then they do a turnaround, and then they go after Pete Campbell, and now they take his

[23:58] millions.

Dan McCoy

[23:59] They take his million, which, again, I worked out...

[24:01] Is one million years.

[24:03] Is a couple trillion dollars worth of time.

[24:06] It's one time break.

[24:07] I don't think that that's enough to destroy the world time economy.

[24:10] Maybe it's just destroying the time economy of that city, I guess, but...

[24:14] Which is America.

[24:16] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:16] That's the other thing, is America in this world...

[24:18] Wherever this place is, seems to consist of two cities.

Dan McCoy

[24:21] Well, maybe it's so far in the future that Continental Drift has changed the shape

[24:24] of everything again.

[24:25] I see.

Elliott Kalan

[24:25] So it's tiny.

[24:26] It's a new Pangea.

[24:27] Yeah.

[24:28] Yeah.

[24:28] Or Nan-Gia.

[24:30] Time-Gia, sure.

[24:31] Pangea.

[24:32] Pangea time.

[24:33] There's two cities.

[24:35] Super deformed, definitely.

[24:37] There's New Greenwich, which is where all the rich people live, because I assume the cities

[24:40] of Greenwich and Old Greenwich were both atom-bombed, probably in the bad days or the cataclysm.

[24:46] Yeah.

[24:46] Whatever they call it.

Dan McCoy

[24:47] And get it, guys.

[24:48] Get it.

[24:49] Greenwich Mean Time.

[24:50] Huh?

[24:51] Pretty clever, huh?

[24:52] Yeah.

[24:53] That's really good.

[24:54] Greenwich.

Elliott Kalan

[24:54] And the bad people live, and the poor people live in Dayton.

[24:57] Because day-ton, day-to-day-ton.

[25:03] I like it.

[25:04] What I'm saying is it's a well-written movie.

[25:06] Also, apparently, like, these are-

[25:07] I was saying it's subtle.

[25:08] It's a subtle mind.

Dan McCoy

[25:09] These are really well-delineated ghetto to-

Elliott Kalan

[25:15] Really well-delineated?

Dan McCoy

[25:16] Well, just the different classes are very carefully shunted into their different areas.

[25:23] I guess there's no gentrification or anything.

[25:25] Not at all.

[25:26] Or, like, people living with other people of different classes.

[25:28] And as you point out, like, are the servants bust in from a different sector?

[25:33] Times-in.

[25:33] For, like, for Greenwich?

Elliott Kalan

[25:34] Or are they, like, rich and they just serve as hotel clerks and waitresses on a whim?

[25:39] Yeah, as a larf.

[25:41] Is it, like, a co-op?

[25:42] And everyone who lives there has to-

[25:44] Like, I'm a millionaire today.

[25:46] Yeah, but tomorrow I'm a janitor.

[25:47] You know?

[25:48] I don't understand.

[25:49] It's a living.

[25:50] Wait, so they're dinosaur record players is what you're saying?

[25:53] Well, someone has to do it.

[25:55] So they decide to-

[25:57] They pretend to give themselves in so that they can get into the office of Pete Campbell.

[26:01] Pete Campbell has a million-year time block.

[26:04] They take it out, and it gets released to the public.

[26:07] Time destabilizes the system.

[26:09] Like a virus.

[26:10] There's a-

[26:11] And Cillian Murphy is just obsessed with taking them down.

[26:14] And there's a chase, and Cillian Murphy runs out of time and dies.

[26:19] And Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried just kind of-

Stuart Wellington

[26:23] So wait, you're saying the showdown, the big chase, where they finally come face-to-face with their pursuer.

[26:30] They've been face-to-face with them before.

[26:31] But, like, the moment where it's like, this is it.

[26:33] This is the end of the movie.

[26:35] Yeah.

[26:36] The guy who's chasing them-

[26:37] This is Nake or Timberlake.

[26:38] The main antagonist.

[26:39] All of a sudden, just falls down dead after looking at his forearm.

Dan McCoy

[26:42] Yeah.

[26:42] You're a man out of time.

[26:43] Well, you're forgetting that the other big conflict was resolved basically with an arm wrestling match.

Elliott Kalan

[26:48] With a very boring arm wrestling match that involved just-

[26:52] And earlier in the movie-

[26:53] I mean, arm wrestling can be pretty great.

[26:55] Yeah, over the top.

[26:56] Let's just say that.

[26:57] It's a great movie.

[26:58] Yeah.

[26:58] I'll say it.

Stuart Wellington

[27:00] It's no tagging cash.

[27:02] Say it.

[27:02] Say it now.

[27:02] Yeah.

[27:03] I mean, yeah.

[27:03] I'll say it right now.

[27:05] You didn't say it.

[27:06] Oh, there you go.

[27:07] Because you said you would say it, then you didn't say it.

[27:09] It's disappointing.

[27:09] I mean, if you're going to push me into it, I'll say it.

Elliott Kalan

[27:11] It seemed like your body was cashing checks.

[27:13] Your ego was writing checks that your body couldn't cash.

Stuart Wellington

[27:15] Yeah.

[27:16] My body and my mouth were both cashing those checks.

Elliott Kalan

[27:18] Your body was cashing checks that your toes didn't have money in the bank to pay for.

[27:22] And the time bank.

[27:23] So your ankles were on default and the bank sent the loan collectors to your butt.

[27:30] Is that accurate?

[27:31] Is that an accurate summary of the situation?

Dan McCoy

[27:33] Is that a summary of the economic state of your body?

[27:37] Economic.

[27:37] Eww.

[27:38] Yeah.

[27:39] Gross.

[27:40] Super grody, Dan.

[27:41] Let's move on.

[27:42] Super grody, Dan.

[27:43] The new superhero character.

[27:45] These Minutemen, they're angry at JT in the first place.

[27:48] But then society becomes more destabilized.

[27:52] And because Justin Timberlake is handing out free time, more people are getting hurt because

[27:59] these criminals are-

[28:00] Because these Minutemen are more victims.

[28:01] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:01] But there's a scene earlier where JTims shows ACs how to win an arm wrestling match, which

[28:07] is that you just hold the other arm really tight and you force them to look at your time.

[28:12] You let it get down to the last few seconds.

[28:14] Because here's the thing about time.

[28:15] You can exchange it with people just by holding hands.

[28:18] And both people don't-

[28:20] Like Kang and Kodos exchanging those long protein strands.

[28:23] Or protein strands, yeah.

[28:25] Or like, what are those mutants who have to be holding hands to shoot out laser blasts?

[28:31] Yeah, I don't know.

[28:32] You got me.

[28:33] They showed up-

[28:33] Fenris?

[28:35] Anyway.

[28:36] They showed up during the trial of Magneto.

[28:37] Pretty lame.

Dan McCoy

[28:38] Sounds like pretty lame mutants.

Elliott Kalan

[28:40] Well, they're pretty powerful when they're holding hands.

Dan McCoy

[28:42] Yeah, but that's pretty lame.

[28:43] They're brother and sister and they have to hold hands, which is weird.

[28:46] Like, to hold hands with your grown sister.

[28:49] Everyone else would be making fun of them.

[28:50] Yeah, until they get laser blasted.

[28:52] You come to those mutants that are holding hands.

Elliott Kalan

[28:56] But anyway, you keep your hand on the bottom so that the other guy can see your clock.

[29:00] You let your time run super low, like eight seconds left until you die.

[29:04] At that point, he's going to take his eye away and look at your clock.

[29:06] And that's when you switch positions and start stealing his time.

[29:09] It's called the switcheroonie.

Dan McCoy

[29:10] And somehow you've got super strength just because he's distracted by looking at the clock.

[29:15] And when you run out of time, it gives you, I guess, a burst of energy.

[29:18] Oh, of course.

Elliott Kalan

[29:19] But you can take time from somebody without their permission.

[29:22] Like, it doesn't make sense how you get time from one person to another.

[29:26] But Justin Timberlake uses this trick on the Minuteman leader, steals his time and shoots the henchmen.

[29:33] But it's like a minute of them just kind of like holding each other's arms and looking at each other.

Stuart Wellington

[29:37] That sounds like that must have been the big action sequence of the movie.

[29:40] Yeah.

[29:41] Kind of, yeah.

[29:42] It's kind of the climax.

[29:43] There are a couple of action-y moments.

[29:44] Where while sitting down, he shoots a couple guys and then wins an arm wrestling match.

[29:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:50] Come on, Stuart.

[29:50] He wins an arm wrestling match, then shoots a couple guys.

[29:53] Oh, my mistake.

Elliott Kalan

[29:54] No, Stuart's right.

Stuart Wellington

[29:56] He's midway through winning.

[29:57] He's midway through winning when he shoots those guys.

[29:59] He's even distracted by the fact that he's arm wrestling.

[30:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[30:04] Well, that's how good he is at time wrestling.

[30:06] They meet up with Killian Murphy.

[30:07] Chrono wrestling.

[30:08] Yeah, Chrono wrestling.

[30:10] They meet up with Killian Murphy.

[30:13] Killian Murphy dies of time disease, not having any.

[30:16] And the two of them leave his body.

[30:18] It looks like you're a doctor.

Dan McCoy

[30:20] Oh, it looks like you've got time disease.

[30:22] They leave his body in the street like everyone else does.

Elliott Kalan

[30:24] They leave his body in the street and they're running out of time too, but they get more

[30:27] time from his cop car.

[30:28] And then they just keep on as time robbers.

[30:31] And society is destabilized.

[30:32] And one of the deputies who's working with Murphy quits.

[30:37] And they're folk heroes and they start robbing time banks again.

[30:40] And that's the end of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[30:41] The last shot is the two of them about to rob the biggest bank ever.

[30:45] Yeah, I assume it's time knocks.

[30:46] Kind of like the end of Deep Rising where Tray Williams and Spamka Jensen are about to

[30:50] go into the giant island full of monsters.

Dan McCoy

[30:52] And there's just like the two of them.

[30:53] I mean, like, I don't care.

[30:54] I mean, the movie's fucking over at this point, so who cares?

[30:56] But I'm still kind of like, okay, there's just two of you going into this huge bank.

[31:00] Well, it's like the Matrix.

Elliott Kalan

[31:01] They probably got guns strapped to their hoo-hahs.

[31:03] Okay.

[31:04] And legs.

Stuart Wellington

[31:05] And they probably know karate like that Neo guy did.

Elliott Kalan

[31:08] Yeah, and they can control bullets with bullet time because it's in time.

[31:11] Time.

[31:11] Okay.

[31:11] Time time.

[31:12] I think he's got a point.

[31:13] Time time club.

Stuart Wellington

[31:14] Or maybe they can hold each other's hands and shoot fucking lasers.

[31:17] Like Fenris.

[31:18] Come on.

[31:19] It's a movie.

Dan McCoy

[31:21] So, anyway.

[31:21] This is a pretty lazy dystopia.

[31:23] It's incredibly lazy.

[31:24] Let's talk about that for a second.

[31:26] Everyone drives around.

Stuart Wellington

[31:26] I've seen a lot of dystopian futures.

[31:29] Equilibriums, 1984s, Equilibriums.

[31:32] That one you came back from the future to warn us about.

Dan McCoy

[31:35] Yeah.

[31:35] I've seen them all.

[31:36] But, well, this car.

[31:37] I mean, like, they're all driving, like, 70s cars around.

[31:39] Muscle cars.

[31:40] But they've got, like, space noises when they drive.

[31:42] It's great.

[31:42] They're just regular 70s cars.

Elliott Kalan

[31:43] It looks like they shot a movie.

[31:45] They made a choice.

[31:46] It's kind of like you said this was made by the same guy who made Gattaca.

[31:49] Yeah.

[31:50] In Gattaca, it's like the future, but they all wear old-timey suits.

[31:53] In this one, it's like it's the future, but they all drive old cars.

[31:56] But it's like the studio was like, can we future up these cars a little bit?

[31:59] So, when they open the door to a 70s muscle car, you hear,

[32:01] like a pneumatic noise.

[32:04] It's ridiculous.

Stuart Wellington

[32:07] And they were driving around.

[32:09] It's like Repo Man was kind of the same way, right?

[32:12] Great, great pull.

[32:12] I don't remember it that well, but Repo Man was basically the same.

[32:15] No, not at all.

[32:17] No?

[32:18] It was more futuristic?

[32:19] No, less futuristic than Repo Man.

Elliott Kalan

[32:21] Repo Man.

[32:22] Oh, I'm starting to think of Repo Man.

[32:23] Repo Man was like that, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[32:24] Yeah, Repo Man.

[32:25] The movie Repo Man didn't have a lot of space sound effects.

[32:29] I mean, at the end, that car did glow and go into space.

Elliott Kalan

[32:32] Up till then, there were not a lot of them.

[32:34] But in Repo Man, yeah, it's the future, but they all dress and live in houses that look

[32:37] exactly like nowadays.

[32:38] It's like the movie AI, where it's like 200 years in the future, but guys still dress like

[32:43] Steven Spielberg dresses now.

[32:45] Like khakis and a button-down plaid shirt.

[32:47] I mean, and that's, look, that's a fine choice to make.

Dan McCoy

[32:50] I mean, I, you know.

[32:51] I want to see them wearing space clothes.

[32:52] But, you know.

[32:53] Yeah, like in Bill and Ted's bogus journey.

[32:55] We can all acknowledge that things change slower than people imagine they're going to change.

[33:00] Like, people are, like, you know, like.

[33:01] I don't want them to wear silver jumpsuits.

[33:03] I don't say anything about space cars.

Dan McCoy

[33:03] 1950s visions of the future are like these crazy visions that are never going to come true.

[33:09] But you got to pick one or the other.

[33:12] You can't have just regular cars with space noises on top of them.

Elliott Kalan

[33:16] Because why would they add those?

[33:18] Yeah.

[33:18] But also, like, there's no, things, the things in the ghetto area of Dayton, like, don't look.

[33:25] The surroundings look like, it's a district made up of warehouses and run-down buildings,

[33:29] but everyone's dressed pretty nicely.

[33:31] And, like, they don't look, they're all 25, so they don't look malnourished or unhealthy.

[33:37] Like, they all look really healthy and, like, they're having a great time.

[33:40] And do we have any idea how long it's been since this, like, time economy was instituted?

Stuart Wellington

[33:46] Yeah.

[33:46] At least 100 years.

Dan McCoy

[33:48] That's the thing.

[33:48] Like, they don't, they don't really address any of the questions you would want to ask about this,

[33:54] which is, like, has it always been this way?

[33:57] Or, like, did it start at some point?

Elliott Kalan

[33:59] I mean, they say people have been genetically altered to be this way.

Dan McCoy

[34:02] But they don't give, like, the details of, like, why this switchover happened or, like...

Elliott Kalan

[34:06] They should, what you're saying is they should open with a woman's voiceover.

[34:09] In the year 2245, after the great disaster, man re-emerged from the underground.

[34:16] I like it.

[34:17] But it seems like if...

[34:18] Led by the scientist, Krog von Krogar.

[34:21] They designed the Time Men.

Dan McCoy

[34:23] If this is going to be a movie about overthrowing the, like, the dominant power,

[34:27] then there has to be some indication at some point of, like, why did this operate this way or how.

[34:33] Well, it's a metaphor.

[34:34] It's all a big allegory.

[34:35] Yeah.

[34:36] But at the same core core.

[34:36] But it's not set up that way.

[34:38] It's set up like a...

[34:39] It's set up like a science fiction movie.

[34:40] Science fiction action movie.

[34:41] This is what I was going to say, actually, which is...

[34:42] And then I've got a thing to say for you to say.

[34:44] I could imagine this premise, as goofy as it is, making an okay movie.

[34:49] But they would have to scale it way back and make it, like, a human-scaled, much more of, like, an overt metaphor, like, allegory picture.

[34:59] Like, I could see...

[35:01] More like primer?

[35:02] Yeah, I could see something like primer or even, like, more of an art film approaching this material and making it work in some way.

[35:10] But when you turn it...

[35:11] When you, like, graft on just a regular sort of action science fiction plot line...

[35:15] Kind of a Bonnie and Clyde action plot line.

[35:16] Can you put quotations around action, please?

[35:20] When you graft on...

[35:21] Let's call it a thriller.

[35:22] It wasn't very thrilling either.

[35:23] A conventional plot line.

[35:24] When you graft a conventional plot line on top of this, all you can think about are the logic flaws at that point.

Elliott Kalan

[35:29] Here's the thing I couldn't quite understand.

[35:31] Because they explain a little bit how the time works.

[35:33] It's in your arm.

[35:34] People can steal it from you.

[35:35] When you die, your time gets locked in you.

[35:38] If you die before you've used up your time...

[35:39] You've used up your time...

[35:40] They keep it in time bricks.

[35:41] All that stuff is totally explainable.

[35:44] In the real world, we have money.

[35:46] People without a lot of money are poor.

[35:47] People with money are rich.

[35:49] But something called credit has evolved to fill the gap.

[35:53] So that you can borrow and then pay back.

[35:57] But it's not money.

[35:58] It's a different kind of thing than money.

[36:00] And in this, they have where you can borrow time and then, I guess, pay it back at a later date.

[36:04] But, like, the interest rates are so ridiculously high.

[36:08] Like, credit doesn't really seem to exist in this movie.

[36:11] But, like, there's no market in this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[36:13] It's just kind of like...

[36:14] It's like feudalism.

[36:15] You would think that there would be some kind of a system in place so that if you are, I don't know, just about to die for not having enough time, that you could borrow some on credit.

Elliott Kalan

[36:26] At rates that are not...

[36:28] Like, it's that this movie seems to be predicated on the idea that if you have a small group of people who control everything, they can oppress poor people by constantly forcing poor people to die.

[36:38] But the problem is that you don't have enough poor people to run your time factories.

[36:41] That was what I was about to say.

Dan McCoy

[36:43] Like, they seem to be saying, like, oh, we're going to keep these people down.

[36:46] Like, this is our way of, yeah, of oppressing them.

[36:50] But that kind of economy only works if it's a pyramid.

[36:55] Like, you know, like, the work of the mini is going to create an easy lifestyle for the people at the top.

[37:01] Yeah, like in real life.

[37:02] You can't just kill off all of the people at the bottom who don't...

[37:04] They leave their bodies rotting in the street.

[37:06] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[37:06] We never see the bodies rotting.

[37:07] I wonder if they're just, like...

[37:09] They turn into time.

Dan McCoy

[37:14] Disappear into the ether.

Elliott Kalan

[37:14] I mean, ultimately, this is not...

[37:17] Like, there's a lot of holes with this dystopia.

[37:20] But, like...

[37:21] You don't say.

[37:21] I think the movie...

[37:22] It's almost like the movie Holes.

[37:24] But I think the filmmaker would probably say, like, hey, it's not...

[37:29] It's, you know, it's not literal.

[37:32] Don't get hung up on the details.

[37:33] But it does feel really slapped together.

[37:35] And, like, you never give a shit what happens to the characters.

Dan McCoy

[37:36] Yeah, but, like, if it's sort of this outraged cry, say, about, like, the class system,

[37:43] then it has to show some basic understanding of how the class system actually works.

[37:47] I guess so.

[37:48] Rather than what this movie sets up, which is a completely unworkable system.

Elliott Kalan

[37:52] Yeah.

[37:53] And then expect us to worry about the people involved.

[37:57] Yeah.

[37:58] Is Justin Timberlake gonna have enough time to get out of this one?

[38:01] Like, yeah, he is.

Stuart Wellington

[38:02] Because there's no movie if he doesn't.

[38:05] And for there to be a satisfying, like, revenge story for Justin Timberlake, you have to put

[38:10] more than maybe 15 minutes worth of setup into his character.

[38:13] Like, he wakes up, he goes to a factory.

[38:16] Oh, no, he gets a bunch of money, gets a bunch of time.

[38:18] Oh, no, his girlfriend dies.

[38:20] Time to go on a revenge spree.

Dan McCoy

[38:21] Yeah, and the thing is, like, the main motivator for his revenge, his girlfriend dying, is sort

[38:27] of hustled under the rug so he can have a romance.

[38:29] Well, he kind of forgets about it.

Stuart Wellington

[38:31] Well, but then we...

[38:31] Once again, hamburger steak, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[38:33] We talked about that.

[38:34] But then we learned that...

[38:35] Hamburger steak sounds good.

[38:37] You've managed to figure out a way to compare these two women in a way that denigrates neither

[38:41] of them.

[38:42] And that in no way is offensive to all human beings.

[38:47] You've managed to come up with this analogy comparing two beautiful women to ground-up hamburger

[38:52] meat or beef.

[38:55] Or non-ground-up beef.

[38:56] Or non-ground-up beef that really, I think it's just so not misogynistic at all.

[39:03] It shows a sensitivity.

[39:05] A real egalitarianism.

Stuart Wellington

[39:07] The thing is, Elliot, time's money.

[39:08] I don't think that doesn't apply.

[39:10] I don't understand.

[39:10] Are you losing money?

Elliott Kalan

[39:12] I deflected your critique.

[39:14] Pew!

[39:15] Oh, man.

[39:17] The last thing I'll say about this is it was lazily thrown together.

[39:20] Like, same thing we were saying.

[39:21] Like, we don't know who Justin Timberlake is.

[39:23] Later on in the movie, Cillian Murphy starts saying, you didn't know your dad, but he tried

[39:27] to do the same thing.

[39:28] And we never...

[39:29] That never comes to fruition in any way.

Stuart Wellington

[39:31] Because values are genetic.

Elliott Kalan

[39:33] Yes.

[39:34] Exactly.

[39:35] Just like time.

[39:36] And it's just a lame...

[39:38] It's a boring movie.

Dan McCoy

[39:40] Yeah.

[39:41] We're already kind of there, but I guess we should give our final judgments.

[39:45] Okay.

[39:47] Is this a good, bad movie?

[39:48] A bad, bad movie?

[39:49] Or a movie you kind of like?

[39:51] Stuart, what do you have to say?

[39:53] What say ye?

Stuart Wellington

[39:54] No, you know, I'll do a bad, bad movie.

[39:57] This is a bad, bad movie.

[39:58] As if that was a surprise.

[39:59] Yeah.

[39:59] As if we convinced you.

[40:01] Yeah.

[40:01] As if we convinced you.

Stuart Wellington

[40:02] I agree with you guys.

[40:03] No, it's not much.

[40:06] Maybe if it was a little more action-y.

[40:08] It's just for a movie that's all about time, it seems to not make very good use of it.

[40:13] It moves very slowly.

Elliott Kalan

[40:15] The worst thing about it is not that the society it sets up doesn't work, but that it's just super slow and dull.

[40:21] And you talked about...

Stuart Wellington

[40:22] And as you just did the parody of the director saying, oh, you can't take it too seriously.

[40:27] But one of the problems with the movie is it does take itself a little too seriously.

[40:31] Yeah, very seriously.

Elliott Kalan

[40:31] Except it uses the word time a lot.

[40:33] Yeah, okay.

[40:34] Within the first three minutes of the movie, I think you hear the word time more times than I've heard it my entire life.

Dan McCoy

[40:38] Well, and that segues directly into what I was going to say, which is for the first 15, 20 minutes, I thought, oh, maybe this could be a good, bad movie.

[40:47] Because it's so silly with all of the time stuff being set up.

[40:50] But all that gets thrown at you quickly at the beginning of the movie.

[40:54] And then the rest of the movie is sort of a slog.

[40:59] Like it does not...

[41:00] A coal slog.

[41:00] ...ever have that level of...

[41:02] With extra mayonnaise.

[41:03] ...sustained goofiness again.

[41:05] As you said, Elliot, at one point, like, I don't like movies where the heroes spend a lot of their time hiding out.

[41:11] And that's a lot of the middle section of this movie.

Elliott Kalan

[41:14] Yeah, the heroes aren't doing a lot.

[41:16] They're just kind of like waiting around in hotel rooms, repeating to each other what the movie is about.

Stuart Wellington

[41:22] Yeah.

[41:22] If they're not hiding from a Terminator, I don't want to see it.

Elliott Kalan

[41:27] Yes.

[41:28] But the...

[41:28] I mean, to be on the run is okay.

[41:30] But to be just sitting in a hotel room for a long time going like, are we stealing?

[41:36] If you steal something that's already stolen, is that stealing?

[41:38] Or is that blah, blah, blah?

[41:39] Here's how you win time arm wrestling.

[41:43] Time wrestling.

[41:45] So I'm going to give it a bad, bad movie also because of the storytelling.

[41:49] It's just a...

[41:50] You'd think a movie like this where they're constantly running out of time.

[41:53] They'd be running and it would be super fast.

[41:55] Like, you'd want it to be like Crank.

[41:57] Yeah.

[41:57] But instead it's not like Crank.

[41:59] It's just kind of very dull.

[42:02] And that is the worst crime a film can commit to be dull.

[42:05] Mm-hmm.

[42:05] A time crime.

[42:07] So...

[42:08] Time to kill.

[42:09] Time.

[42:10] That's...

[42:11] I've got some...

[42:12] Time X.

[42:14] Takes a timing and keeps on timing.

Dan McCoy

[42:16] Oh, God.

[42:17] I have a few letters to read.

[42:21] This one...

[42:21] Yay, letters.

[42:22] Oh, yeah, Dan.

[42:22] This is Ellie's favorite part.

Elliott Kalan

[42:23] This is my favorite part.

[42:24] Dan, you sound so depressed because we're reading letters.

Dan McCoy

[42:26] No, I forgot to print them out because...

Stuart Wellington

[42:28] Well...

[42:28] Are they all talking about how their favorite movie is time...

[42:31] Wait, no.

[42:32] In time?

[42:33] Because then we'd be in trouble.

Elliott Kalan

[42:34] I forgot to print them out.

[42:35] Also, the movie should have been called Just In Time.

[42:37] Like I said.

Dan McCoy

[42:38] I, uh...

[42:39] I'm reading them off of my iPad.

Elliott Kalan

[42:41] I can see how that would make the experience so much worse.

Dan McCoy

[42:44] Well, I just...

[42:44] I haven't vetted things in the same way.

[42:46] And this is also...

[42:46] This will be a nice...

[42:47] It's rough on the eyes.

[42:48] This will be a nice ad for the Flophouse Wiki where they talk about Dan's iPad.

Elliott Kalan

[42:52] Oh, yeah.

[42:53] Wait, do they have a thing for Dan's iPad?

[42:54] Yeah, they do.

[42:54] Oh, okay.

Stuart Wellington

[42:56] Flophouse Wiki.

[42:56] So, primarily for porn and surfing for Las Vegas strip clubs.

[43:00] Taking pictures of his own penis.

[43:01] That's not true, my friend.

Dan McCoy

[43:02] So, this is...

Elliott Kalan

[43:03] By the way, I just want to say the people at the Flophouse Wiki are doing great work.

[43:06] Keep it up, fellas.

[43:07] We really appreciate it.

Dan McCoy

[43:09] This letter is from Andrew, last name withheld.

[43:12] And it's called,

[43:14] Some Praise for Elliot, and then I call him out for being a wrong idiot.

Elliott Kalan

[43:17] Oh, you get that a lot.

[43:19] I do get called out for being a wrong idiot a lot.

[43:21] So, suck it, I guess.

Dan McCoy

[43:23] Hello, Dan, Elliot, and Stuart.

[43:24] It's not a massive part of your podcast.

[43:26] And to be honest, it's part...

[43:27] What's a prodcast?

[43:28] That's our cattle prod talk podcast.

[43:31] And to be honest, it's the part that sort of signals the fun is over.

[43:33] And a slavish adherence to the format means there's going to be about five minutes of gag-free earnest bullshit.

[43:38] Is this the recommendations?

[43:39] But I thought I'd write to say that the recommendations, specifically Elliot's recommendations, are almost uniformly excellent.

[43:45] Thank you.

[43:46] This praise would never be followed by someone calling me a big wrong idiot.

[43:50] Thanks to the Flophouse, I've seen the Friends of Eddie Coyle and dug up Los Angeles Stars as itself.

[43:56] It's on YouTube with only part 11 of 12 removed for copyright reasons.

[44:00] So, I'm torn.

[44:01] While recommendations is the wiping your dick on a hand towel to the movie review's actual full-body coitus,

[44:09] if it wasn't there, I never would have heard of Castle Freak.

Elliott Kalan

[44:12] You found somehow a worse analogy than Stuart's hamburger steak one.

Dan McCoy

[44:17] Where, ironically, a man cleans his dick by ripping it off.

[44:22] Wait, that's how he was cleaning his dick?

Elliott Kalan

[44:24] Yeah.

[44:26] Sometimes you're just overzealous with your cleanliness.

[44:28] You think it was like a paper towel?

[44:30] Who knows?

[44:31] I'm not a fucking freak.

[44:34] You don't live in a castle.

Dan McCoy

[44:37] Also in the Red Riding episode, self-proclaimed pedant, Elliot, talked about red riding as being said in North England.

[44:44] In England, we'd say Northern England or the North of England.

[44:48] North England makes no sense.

[44:50] This has been bothering me for about two months now.

[44:52] Call yourself a pedant, you idiot.

[44:54] Keep up the good work.

[44:55] You're not a Northie.

[44:56] I should have just said Yorkshire.

Elliott Kalan

[44:59] Well, thanks for calling me out on that one.

[45:01] As you can tell, I don't know what I'm talking about when I'm using English geographical terms.

[45:08] Obviously, I also have a hard time reading when I'm not reading on the paper.

[45:11] Yeah, because it's hard on the eyes.

[45:13] I can see, yeah.

[45:14] It's like you're just spinning on Steve Jobs' grave right now.

[45:18] It's exactly like that.

[45:19] But thanks for your letter, and thanks for the praise.

[45:21] I think it's a movie that's called Los Angeles Plays Itself.

[45:24] Yeah, so there you go.

[45:25] So take that pedant one.

[45:28] That guy.

[45:29] That's a sound of high five.

[45:29] Also one.

[45:30] I guess we, yeah, Stuart and I just high-fived, but it was kind of a tap.

[45:34] Yeah.

[45:34] It was a gentle high five.

[45:35] Pretty lame high five, guys.

[45:36] Well, now we're caressing each other's hands.

[45:37] It's not my fault.

[45:38] Okay, now our hands are moving farther down.

[45:41] Okay.

[45:41] Oh, that's cool.

[45:42] Oh, now we're arm wrestling for time.

[45:44] Stuart's looking at my time clock.

[45:45] Oh, he got distracted.

[45:47] Oh, Stuart's dead now.

[45:48] This is a ghost.

[45:49] And I have his time.

Dan McCoy

[45:51] This one is from Matthew, last name with hell, and it's titled, Dan is the best flopper.

Elliott Kalan

[45:56] I'm going to reply to this right now with an email titled, no, he isn't.

[45:59] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[45:59] Okay, go on.

Elliott Kalan

[46:01] This is written by Man Decoy.

Stuart Wellington

[46:04] A Man Decoy.

Dan McCoy

[46:06] Dearest House of Flop.

[46:08] I started listening after Dan's guest spot on Read It and Weep and quickly became hooked.

[46:13] I've run through the whole back catalog several times.

[46:16] Back catalog.

[46:16] And have even begun contributing to the wiki, so I think I could safely be called a Flophouse

[46:21] mega fan.

[46:23] And I'm writing in to address a persistent issue through most of the episodes.

[46:25] Oh, well, science said it couldn't be done.

[46:26] The mega fan.

[46:28] Dan is always undervalued by Stuart and Elliot.

[46:31] Oh, God.

[46:33] While I appreciate all of Elliot's words that sound like other words and Stuart's fondness

[46:36] for talking about boobs, not to mention the house cat, I think if I were one of the floppers,

[46:41] I would be Dan.

[46:42] Really?

Elliott Kalan

[46:43] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[46:45] I would be Dan because I can relate to him better.

[46:47] He's like the big brother of the podcast.

[46:49] Rawr!

Elliott Kalan

[46:50] Yeah!

[46:51] House cat!

Dan McCoy

[46:53] Who are you talking about?

[46:54] To deal with two rambunctious siblings.

[46:57] Woo!

[47:00] So don't worry, Dan.

[47:02] You've got fans, too, or one fan, at least.

[47:04] But I didn't write just to praise Dan.

[47:07] We'll say two.

[47:07] His wife's probably a fan.

[47:09] Nope.

[47:09] She said I'm her favorite.

[47:12] I have some questions for all three of you.

[47:15] What were your two favorite movies of last year?

[47:18] What was your least favorite movie?

[47:19] And if you were shut up in a windowless room with a TV, a DVD player, and one DVD of your

[47:23] choice, what movie from any year would you choose?

[47:26] Stuart, you should assume that Castle Freak, Invisible Maniac, and Head of the Family are

[47:29] already there, and you get to pick a fourth movie.

[47:32] That's not fair.

[47:32] Stuart gets four movies.

Elliott Kalan

[47:36] That's a lot of questions.

[47:36] I feel like in our Flop-tacular Flopcast Awards Flopper, we kind of covered our favorite

[47:41] movies.

[47:43] And maybe least.

[47:44] I think our least favorite for me and Stuart was, what, Skyline?

[47:47] Skyline wasn't my least favorite.

[47:49] Oh, no.

[47:49] Flop movie.

[47:50] Your Highness was your least favorite.

Stuart Wellington

[47:51] Your Highness was really bad.

[47:54] But what about this Desert Island movie idea?

[47:58] That was one of the options, right?

[47:59] Oh, of staying on a desert, the movie you get to choose.

[48:02] I'm not pitching a movie idea for fucking a desert island.

[48:04] You're pitching a remake of The Blue Lagoon.

[48:06] It's a remake of Cast Away.

[48:07] Cast Away.

[48:08] It's the Looney Tunes thing where he gets stuck on the thing.

[48:10] What?

[48:11] The Looney Tunes Fantastic Island thing.

[48:13] Oh, right.

Dan McCoy

[48:14] I mean, I don't think he's...

[48:15] Fantasy Island?

[48:15] Yeah, he's not stuck on an island.

[48:17] I thought he was stuck on an island.

Elliott Kalan

[48:18] No, it's a fantasy island parody.

[48:20] Parody with Daffy Duck as Ricardo Mantovan.

Dan McCoy

[48:23] Yeah.

[48:23] And Speedy as...

[48:25] Jorge Velich as...

[48:26] Yeah.

[48:27] Yeah, but it can't be like that.

[48:28] No.

[48:29] Okay.

[48:29] I think maybe it might have started off with Daffy getting stuck on the island and then realizing

[48:34] that there was a magic well there.

[48:35] Oh, yeah, maybe.

[48:36] But I don't think the main thrust of it was that he was stuck on an island.

[48:40] I mean, he's not spending the whole time bitching about how he can't get off the island.

[48:43] I'm guessing they had...

[48:44] It's a Stewart's movie that he would have on an island.

[48:47] It's Looney Tunes.

[48:48] Looney Tunes Fantastic Island.

Elliott Kalan

[48:51] That's not the choice I expected you to make.

[48:54] I thought you were going to say like some kind of Brazzers compilation.

[48:58] Or something with boobs in it.

[49:00] Yeah, what are you going to pick, Stu?

Stuart Wellington

[49:01] I'll probably say The Granny.

[49:04] Interesting.

[49:05] The Granny.

[49:05] It's a movie featuring an old granny who becomes a demon and then kills all of her ungrateful

[49:12] children.

[49:14] There's some boobs and a dead granny at the end.

[49:18] Spoiler alert.

Elliott Kalan

[49:19] So you like a movie that has boobs and dead old people.

[49:23] We found what Stewart likes.

[49:25] If you make a movie that has boobs, dead old people, a guy getting...

[49:28] Not Titanic.

[49:29] Titanic doesn't count.

Stuart Wellington

[49:30] You don't get to see those people dead.

Elliott Kalan

[49:31] A guy...

[49:32] A guy...

[49:32] A guy ripping his own penis off and someone being killed with a submarine sandwich.

[49:38] It would be Stewart's perfect movie.

Dan McCoy

[49:41] Box office hit.

Elliott Kalan

[49:43] No.

Dan McCoy

[49:44] Very.

[49:45] The definition of a niche film.

[49:49] What about you, Daniel?

[49:50] I might go with North by Northwest, which is not my favorite Hitchcock movie, but probably

[49:57] the most entertaining Hitchcock movie.

[49:59] And Alfred Hitchcock is maybe the most entertaining director.

[50:03] Sorry.

[50:04] There's a case to be made for that.

[50:05] So it's up there just in terms of just sheer joy.

[50:10] I don't know if I would go with that as my favorite movie, but it's a movie that's easy

[50:14] to watch and is still easy to watch once you've seen it a couple times.

Elliott Kalan

[50:19] I would go with the original Taking of Palom123, which is one of my two favorite movies.

[50:25] And it is a movie that you can watch over and over again.

[50:29] Every time I watch it, I kind of want to rewind it and watch it again right away.

[50:33] And I would go less insane if I had that on my desert island as the only movie.

[50:38] That's a great movie.

[50:39] If you haven't seen it, you need to go see it.

Dan McCoy

[50:41] Yeah.

[50:41] I just re-watched it actually a couple weekends ago.

[50:44] And man, is that a good movie.

Elliott Kalan

[50:45] It's really good.

[50:46] And talking about entertaining, oh boy.

[50:49] Okay.

[50:50] You don't know entertaining until you've seen the original Taking of Palom123.

[50:53] No dead grannies though, right?

[50:55] There are no dead grannies and a big fat guy who's kind of old gets killed.

[50:59] Okay.

[51:01] I'm up for that.

[51:02] Doris Roberts is in it when she was middle-aged as opposed to very old as she is now.

[51:06] So you can imagine she's a granny.

[51:07] Okay.

[51:08] She doesn't die, but spoiler alert.

[51:10] Yeah, thanks.

Dan McCoy

[51:13] So this one is from Clay, Last Name Withheld.

[51:17] It's titled...

[51:18] A golem.

S4

[51:19] A golem.

Dan McCoy

[51:20] Wait, what's the title of that one again?

S4

[51:22] A golem.

[51:24] It's close.

Dan McCoy

[51:25] It's close to intellectual property theft.

[51:28] Hello, floppers.

[51:29] You patented that?

[51:30] Yeah.

[51:30] You copyrighted it?

[51:31] Yeah.

[51:32] I'm from Daleville, Indiana, which is about an hour south of Fort Wayne.

[51:35] Oh, nice.

[51:36] As I was listening to the latest episode, I was happy to hear that Stuart had recently been

[51:40] home to Fort Wayne, but as I thought about it, a chill went down my spine.

[51:44] I remember that a while ago, as I stood outside at night smoking a cigarette, I heard a chilling

[51:49] screech.

[51:50] It could only be described as a giant...

[51:52] That's better.

[51:53] That's better.

[51:54] The squeal haunted me every night until I heard the episode.

[51:57] I now realize it must have been none other than the Flophouse house cat, who I assume

[52:01] must have been with Stuart as he drove north on Interstate 69 from Indianapolis toward Fort

[52:05] Wayne.

[52:06] Now I feel so honored to have been only a quarter of a mile from the Flophouse house

[52:10] cat.

[52:10] Thank you guys for the laughs and great times.

Stuart Wellington

[52:12] Not me, though, obviously.

[52:13] I can't wait to hear from the house cat soon.

Elliott Kalan

[52:16] Yeah, I'll send you a letter.

[52:19] The house cat is a very prolific letter writer.

[52:23] Yeah, so you and the house cat went together to visit your family?

Stuart Wellington

[52:26] Yeah, my wife wasn't super cool with it because she had to sit in the back.

Elliott Kalan

[52:30] I assume the house cat, feet out the window, just tossing beer cans out.

Stuart Wellington

[52:34] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[52:34] Listening to Van Halen the whole way.

[52:37] Raising hell, making trouble, and listening to VH.

[52:40] Okay, so.

[52:41] It's a house cat.

Dan McCoy

[52:42] Our final letter tonight.

[52:44] Or whatever time of day you're listening to this.

[52:46] Yeah.

[52:47] Time.

[52:48] Is from Elliot's brother.

[52:50] What?

[52:51] David, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[52:52] Thanks for withholding the last name of my brother.

[52:55] The brother of Elliot Kalen.

Stuart Wellington

[52:57] Is he going to complain about some sports trivia we got wrong?

[53:00] That sounds like my brother.

Dan McCoy

[53:01] Let's clarify this Rooney Mara Giants connection.

Elliott Kalan

[53:04] Stuart, you are now no Stuart Thomas.

[53:11] The fortune telling guy.

Dan McCoy

[53:13] Robot.

[53:14] Robot?

[53:14] He's a robot in this scenario.

[53:16] Okay.

[53:18] Since this episode was first posted a month ago.

Stuart Wellington

[53:20] I predict the fall of humanity.

Dan McCoy

[53:23] I'm sure I'm well.

[53:24] Or just what Elliot's brother will talk about.

[53:26] Since this episode was first posted a month ago, I'm sure I'm well behind on the whole thing.

[53:30] But I was listening to your Dreamhouse podcast today while sitting in my friend's apartment in Dallas.

[53:34] Name dropper.

[53:36] What do you say?

[53:36] Dallas is not the person.

[53:39] Not Bryce Dallas Howard?

[53:40] I feel I need to explain why Rooney Mara is related to the Giants and Steelers actually.

[53:44] Not Dallas, the character from Aliens.

[53:46] Rooney Mara is Giants part owner, John Mara's niece, not his daughter.

[53:50] Rooney's father, Timothy Mara, not to be confused with Giants founder, Tim Mara.

[53:54] Rooney's great-grandfather, who started the team in 1925, is the Giants vice president of player evaluation.

[54:00] Thanks, Dickopedia.

[54:03] Interestingly, Timothy Mara's wife, that is...

[54:06] That's so interesting.

[54:07] No, that was the wrong word to use to start that sentence, Dave.

[54:10] Interestingly, Timothy Mara's wife, that is Rooney's mother, is actually the granddaughter of Pittsburgh Steelers founder Art Rooney Sr.,

[54:17] making Rooney Mara the great-granddaughter of both the founder of the Giants and the Steelers.

[54:22] The Steelers' current chairman, Dan Rooney, is her great-uncle.

[54:25] Dan Rooney is also an ambassador to Ireland.

Elliott Kalan

[54:27] What about Andy Rooney?

[54:28] How is he related to these people?

Dan McCoy

[54:30] But as a result of these connections, if I'm not mistaken, Rooney Mara and her sister Kate both regularly have clauses written into their contracts,

[54:36] stating that if the Giants or Steelers make the Super Bowl, they do not have to work that day so they can attend the game.

[54:42] Also, another fun bit of Giants movie trivia.

[54:44] Again, fun, not the right answer.

[54:46] Another one.

[54:46] Co-owner Steve Tisch, a producer for Forrest Gump, is the only man to ever win both a Super Bowl and an Oscar for Best Picture.

[54:52] He didn't deserve either.

[54:53] I hope that fully answers a question none of you were asking.

[54:56] He made a Super Bowl, I would imagine.

[54:58] If you actually read this in your next episode, I'm sure Elliot will follow up this explanation with some droll mockery of my personality or our relationship.

[55:05] If that happens, you're welcome.

Elliott Kalan

[55:07] No, I am proud to call you my brother and proud of the vast stores of crap that you have in your brain.

[55:16] Look, it's just different kinds of crap.

Dan McCoy

[55:18] Okay, I'll give you that.

[55:19] You just have, you cover different areas.

[55:21] No.

[55:22] You would be killer, the two of you on a, say, a pub trivia team.

Elliott Kalan

[55:25] Yeah, we should team up sometime.

[55:27] I mean, technically the state of New York has barred us from doing that for the reason that we would destroy all comers.

Stuart Wellington

[55:33] Well, I'm glad my...

[55:34] And all these hearts would be broken when they'd find out that you're already taken.

[55:37] Well, and that my brother, he's single.

[55:41] Yeah, but you guys can't do like a tag team on any girl.

[55:44] Okay, that's a little weird.

[55:45] That's why their hearts would be broken.

Elliott Kalan

[55:46] Not an image I ever want to think of.

[55:49] I am glad, speaking of that, that my brother put a lot of energy into that rather than in dating.

[55:55] Wow.

[55:55] So you did serve up a bird.

[55:57] There's the droll mockery.

[55:58] Hot and all spicy.

[55:59] No, just kidding.

[56:00] Thanks, Dave.

[56:01] JK.

[56:01] Thanks for correcting us on that.

[56:03] I've already forgotten what you told us.

[56:06] I think what he was saying was that Art Carney is the founder of the Steelers.

Stuart Wellington

[56:12] That's weird when we find the time.

Dan McCoy

[56:15] So let's do some really quick recommendations of movies we've seen recently that we might give the Flophouse seal of approval.

Elliott Kalan

[56:25] Usually the way you say it is, movies we actually liked.

[56:28] Yeah.

[56:28] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[56:30] Two real quick ones.

[56:32] First is I think you should go see John Carter because it's actually pretty good and it deserves to make some money.

[56:37] Jimmy Carter?

[56:38] John Carter.

[56:39] John Carter of Mars.

[56:40] Oh, John Carpenter's Ghost of Mars.

[56:42] Because it's not a fucking Transformers sequel.

[56:44] You should go see it.

[56:45] Please give it some money.

[56:46] The other one is a recommendation for Martha, Marcy May, Marlene.

[56:51] I want to see that.

[56:52] It's a psychological thriller.

[56:55] Like In Time.

[56:56] It's exactly like In Time.

[56:59] I actually was...

[57:01] Yeah.

[57:02] No, it's great.

[57:03] John Hawks is good in it.

[57:04] And it's the type of thriller that you don't quite know what's real or what's a dream or what's going on when.

[57:11] And time is kind of crazy.

[57:12] It's great.

[57:13] And it manages to make normal stuff seem very scary, which I'm always impressed by.

Dan McCoy

[57:18] I'm going to recommend...

[57:20] I was on my flight to and from Las Vegas.

[57:23] I saw three movies.

[57:25] I'm going to recommend all of them to varying degrees, starting at the low end.

[57:29] I watched Tower Heist, which I would say probably is a good movie to watch on an airplane.

[57:34] I'm not sure in another situation how much I would have liked it, but I really enjoyed it.

[57:39] It's a surprising attempt to do like a late 60s, early 70s, like New York light thriller, caper thriller.

[57:46] It's less of a comedy than it was sold as.

[57:49] It's got kind of an interesting cross-section of actors in it.

[57:52] Alan Alda and Matthew Broderick, I think, are particularly kind of fun in it.

[57:57] Real Steel I watched, which is much better than any movie about fighting robots should be.

[58:03] That's a movie that...

[58:04] Why robot jocks?

Elliott Kalan

[58:05] Yeah.

[58:05] Why would you imply that a movie about fighting robots would be bad?

[58:08] Well, I mean...

Dan McCoy

[58:08] I would assume this movie is going to be great.

[58:09] This movie starts off, guys, with a robot fighting a bull at a small town country fair.

Elliott Kalan

[58:17] Wait, so the robot is working his way up through the system?

[58:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[58:20] Yeah.

[58:20] No, it's an old junkie robot that's fighting a bull.

[58:23] Which is the robot a drunk?

[58:24] If that sounds awesome, then this is the movie for you.

[58:27] Hugh Jackman is possibly one of the world's most charming men.

[58:31] He commits to this with total seriousness.

[58:34] I mean, seriousness in the sense that he really commits to it, but he's got a wink in the performance.

[58:39] But it's fun.

[58:40] It's a much better movie than I expected.

[58:43] And finally, three recommendations.

[58:46] The coveted three.

[58:48] I watched Crazy Stupid Love, which I really enjoyed.

[58:51] I think that it got probably less attention than it could have gotten based on, number one,

[58:57] the ads that made it look like Love Actually 2, and number two, the terrible title, Crazy Stupid Love.

[59:02] It is a terrible title.

Stuart Wellington

[59:03] But it's got some really fun stuff in it.

[59:05] Those ads, guys, am I right?

[59:06] Well, the thing is like-

Dan McCoy

[59:07] Ryan Gosling?

[59:08] Gosling.

[59:08] Ryan Gosling.

[59:09] I was not on board with Ryan Gosling until this year.

[59:12] Then I saw Drive and this movie, and I'm like, now I get it.

[59:15] You didn't see Hef Nelson?

[59:16] He was okay in that, but I was like-

[59:17] He was good in that.

[59:19] This year, I'm saying I like him better.

Stuart Wellington

[59:20] What's the big deal?

[59:21] He's on crack.

[59:22] Who cares?

Dan McCoy

[59:22] You didn't see Make Way for Gosling?

[59:24] In this movie, I never thought that Ryan Gosling had a sense of humor before I saw this movie,

[59:30] but he's basically doing self-parody in this film.

[59:34] He's really-

Elliott Kalan

[59:35] I don't think he knew it was a comedy.

Dan McCoy

[59:37] Well, whatever.

[59:38] He's very funny in it.

[59:39] He's playing the womanizer who is super charming, super masculine, knows how to get women,

[59:47] but there's a little wink in his performance.

[59:50] He's just really funny in it.

[59:51] So I like that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[59:54] I'm going to recommend an old movie.

[59:56] What a surprise, huh?

[59:58] This is a movie I saw the other day that I enjoyed a lot called The Exile.

[1:00:01] It's the first movie that the director, Max Ophuls, made in the United States.

[1:00:07] You may know him from such films as La Ronde and The Earrings of Madame Deux, but this

[1:00:12] is a movie he made with Douglas Fairbanks Jr. about Charles II being in exile in France

[1:00:17] after Cromwell took control of England and before Charles II returned for the restoration.

[1:00:23] And it's actually kind of a- it's this really fun kind of rollicking adventure where Douglas

[1:00:29] Fairbanks Jr. is kind of doing a- an homage to his father, Douglas Fairbanks, playing

[1:00:34] this very like lighthearted, charming, smiling adventurer.

[1:00:38] And there's the story about how he's the king of England and he's on the run from Cromwell

[1:00:41] soldiers in, in, uh, Amsterdam or in the Netherlands, I think, but, uh, or Holland or whatever.

[1:00:48] But, uh, it's just like a fun adventure romance.

[1:00:51] Um, and a lot- for a movie that I kind of watched on a lark, it was a very enjoyable surprise.

[1:00:57] And, uh, Douglas Fairbanks Jr. is really charming in it.

[1:01:00] And it's just a lot of- it's the kind of movie that I wish Hollywood made more of, in which

[1:01:04] the first of the Antonio Banduras and Bandera Zorro movies, it made it seem like there was

[1:01:08] going to be return of.

[1:01:10] Yeah.

[1:01:10] Just kind of like old-fashioned, charming adventure.

[1:01:12] So I'd recommend that one.

[1:01:14] The Exile.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:15] Well, guys-

[1:01:16] Gotcha.

[1:01:17] It looks like we're running out of time.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:22] Do I have time for one plug?

[1:01:23] Yeah, please.

[1:01:24] Uh, this coming April 5th, the first Thursday in April at 7.30pm will be the last of my movie

[1:01:30] screenings at 92i Tribeca.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:32] I already have my tickets.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:33] Do you have yours?

[1:01:35] No, I-

[1:01:35] I was asking the listeners, not-

[1:01:38] Oh, anyway.

[1:01:38] So, uh, uh, it's the last of my closely-watched film screenings, a screening I've been doing-

[1:01:43] series I've been doing for a little bit less than three years now, I guess.

[1:01:46] Uh, it's been a fun series, but time to draw it to a close.

[1:01:48] We're going to be showing a movie called The Good Fairy, starring, uh, Margaret Sullivan

[1:01:53] and Herbert Marshall and Frank Nelson, who you may- not- uh, not Frank Nelson, I'm sorry.

[1:01:57] Frank Morgan, who you may know as the Wizard from Wizard of Oz.

[1:02:01] And it is one of Preston Sturgis' early scripts before he started directing his own movies.

[1:02:06] We're going to be watching it with special guest John Oliver-

[1:02:08] I'm not familiar with his work.

[1:02:09] Of The Daily Show with Jon Stewart.

[1:02:10] You named Robert Ross.

[1:02:11] Oh, maybe you've seen him in The Love Guru.

[1:02:13] Oh, yes.

[1:02:13] As Dick Pants.

[1:02:14] Yes, I do recall that.

[1:02:16] So, uh, John Oliver will be the guest.

[1:02:17] As always, as we do in this series, he has not seen the movie before, and afterwards I

[1:02:21] will ask him about what he thought of it.

[1:02:23] And we're also going to be showing, because it's the last one, so they can't tell me I can't

[1:02:26] show it anymore, uh, my seven and a half minute cut that I made myself of Capricorn

[1:02:31] One, starring Elliot Gould and O.J. Simpson, among others.

[1:02:35] The astronaut conspiracy thriller, which I've cut down to really just the Elliot Gould

[1:02:39] scenes.

[1:02:40] Sounds great.

[1:02:41] And it's actually a lot of fun.

[1:02:43] And, uh, we'll be showing that, and it's the last one.

[1:02:45] So April 5th, the first Thursday in April.

[1:02:47] 7.30 p.m., 92nd Tribeca, 200 Hudson Street, Manhattan.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:51] Oh, and I suppose very quickly before we go, we should tease that we're going to have

[1:02:54] another Flophouse Live show.

[1:02:56] Oh, June.

[1:02:56] This is an early tease.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:58] It's not till June, but we're going to have-

[1:03:00] That's right.

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:01] So we're going to give you Flophouse Blue Balls.

[1:03:03] Keep listening to this space.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:04] You were there, you missed Twin Sitters, and you rued the day.

[1:03:08] You missed 12 rounds, and you almost killed yourself.

[1:03:11] But now you've got another chance.

[1:03:13] Take the noose off your neck, because there's going to be another Flophouse, bad- I love bad

[1:03:17] movies, bad movie screening, in June.

[1:03:19] What movie is it?

[1:03:20] We're not going to say just yet.

[1:03:21] No, I'm not going to tell anybody.

[1:03:22] Suffice to say, it's awesome.

[1:03:25] And you'll love it.

[1:03:27] Okay.

[1:03:27] You can start speculating if you want.

[1:03:29] If you want to write in-

[1:03:30] Or you'll be disappointed.

[1:03:31] If you want to write in with your guesses, feel free.

[1:03:34] Find by me.

[1:03:35] But you'll be wrong.

[1:03:36] Just don't write in any more sports trivia.

[1:03:39] You hear that, David, my brother?

[1:03:43] All right, guys.

[1:03:44] Well-

[1:03:45] Should we say what the date is for that one?

[1:03:46] I can't remember.

[1:03:47] It's in June.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:50] I think it might be the 8th.

[1:03:51] Yeah, it's the 8th.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:52] Okay, June 8th.

[1:03:53] It's a Friday.

[1:03:54] But before that, April 5th, which is a Thursday, come see my movie.

[1:03:57] All right.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:58] Well, all that's left to do is to sign off.

[1:04:00] So for the Flophouse, I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:04:03] I'm still Stuart.

[1:04:04] And I'm-

[1:04:05] I'm Elliot Kalin.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:09] I loved the way you said that I'm still Stuart.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:13] Goodbye, everyone.

[1:04:15] Just fine.

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:24] Is that good?

[1:04:24] Just fine.

[1:04:25] Fine?

[1:04:26] Could we be doing better?

[1:04:27] We're doing just fine.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:28] Any way to improve?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04:30] On a scale from 1 to 10, with 5 being fine.

[1:04:33] Where are we?

[1:04:35] You're right at fine.

[1:04:36] Okay, that's 5.

[1:04:37] We have 5 more steps of improvement to go.

[1:04:40] If you could give us, in 3 words, how we could best improve to get to 6 or higher.

[1:04:44] I would say-

[1:04:45] 3 words.

[1:04:45] That's already-

[1:04:46] I would say that's your 3 words.

[1:04:47] So not very helpful, Dan.

Dan McCoy

[1:04:49] In 3.

[1:04:51] Words.

[1:04:52] 2.

The Flop House: Episode #98 - In Time

Transcript

In this episode

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