The Flop House: Episode #100 - Tango & Cash

[0:00] Mr. Tango has spoken very eloquently, and I wish I could be as forgiving, but I can't because this whole thing fucking sucks!

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:48] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:50] And I'm Elliot Kalin, waiting for Stuart to say his name so that I could say it.

[0:54] I was distracted by your headphones.

[0:56] You know why it's particularly odd that you forgot to say that?

[0:58] Why's that?

[0:59] It's our 100th episode.

[1:01] What a segue!

[1:02] 100 flops, 100 nights, 100 days to have the time of your life, it's the Flophouse number 100!

[1:12] We watched 100 movies.

[1:13] Starring...

[1:14] Yeah.

[1:15] Starring...

[1:16] Dan McCoy.

[1:17] Oh, Stuart Wellington.

[1:19] And Elliot Kalin, as Elliot.

[1:21] I mean, we did this part already, but...

[1:23] Oh, right, well, but I didn't get to do my song yet.

[1:25] Yeah, I mean, you know, we're celebrating our 100th episode.

[1:29] It's a big deal. It's a deal around these parts.

[1:32] I mean, it would be a big deal if we hadn't also done a bunch of movie minutes.

[1:37] Yeah.

[1:38] So, like, our technical 100th thing that we put out was a long time ago.

[1:43] And also, I think...

[1:44] And also, there's some floptaculars, some award floptaculars.

[1:47] Also, we've had a lot of guest spots, so none of... only Dan, you're the only one who's been in all 100 episodes.

[1:52] Yeah.

[1:53] I'm 100 years old, guys.

[1:55] I don't think that's how it works.

[1:57] 100 years old.

[1:58] I don't think that's how it works.

[1:59] So, here's to 200. See you guys later.

[2:02] Was that it? Was that the ending?

[2:05] Stuart just put a nightcap on his head, and now he's curling up on a tiny bed in a matchbook.

[2:11] It is adorable.

[2:12] It's really cute, but...

[2:13] I wish all of you could see it.

[2:14] You kind of need to wake him up for the show.

[2:16] Sure, sure.

[2:17] So, I'm assuming most of the people out there are first-time listeners.

[2:22] And they're like, 100 episodes? What the fuck do they do in those episodes?

[2:25] Well, I mean, there are listeners out there who are like, I'm not going to listen to a podcast until it gets to 100 episodes.

[2:30] It has staying power.

[2:31] I want to make sure this thing is sticking around.

[2:33] Until that podcast has syndication potential.

[2:36] I'm not interested.

[2:37] Yeah.

[2:38] That's what you need, 100 episodes?

[2:40] Yeah, well, that was the old... the old standard used to be, to get into syndication, it was best to have 100 episodes.

[2:45] Because then you could run it regularly without running the same episodes too many times.

[2:49] Now, plenty of shows that don't have 100 episodes end up in syndication.

[2:53] Yeah, because I think I keep seeing the same episode of Scrubs, like, every day.

[2:56] Yeah, well, Scrubs, Big Bang Theory, a lot of newer shows are getting syndication.

[3:00] Sometimes, like...

[3:02] Las Vegas, the show.

[3:04] Las Vegas.

[3:05] Oh, yeah.

[3:06] Boomtown, Southland Tales.

[3:08] That's why Tyler Perry's podcast went into syndication after a week.

[3:13] Because they just, like, churned those fuckers out.

[3:15] Oh, okay.

[3:16] Churned it out, man.

[3:17] So let's get it.

[3:18] Let's get those numbers up.

[3:19] So what do we do on this podcast, Tim?

[3:23] It's all about churning numbers.

[3:25] Yeah.

[3:26] This is a podcast about movies.

[3:29] Okay.

[3:30] We watch a movie that is perhaps not good.

[3:32] But perhaps very good.

[3:34] Well, don't get ahead of yourself.

[3:36] Question mark.

[3:37] Question mark, question mark.

[3:39] But then we discuss it after we've spent a little time together.

[3:42] Now, normally we review movies that have been recently released and are either critical or financial flops.

[3:47] Yes.

[3:48] Usually both.

[3:49] What do we do this time to mark our special occasion, Dan?

[3:53] We watched a movie that has been much discussed in previous episodes, but in passing, not in depth.

[3:59] Okay.

[4:00] And that movie is Tango, Ampersand, Cash.

[4:02] Yeah, that old favorite, Tango, space, ampersand, space, cash.

[4:08] Starring everyone's favorite, Sly Stallone and Kurt Russell.

[4:13] Yeah.

[4:14] Sly the pie Stallone and Kurt the hurt Russell.

[4:18] And who else?

[4:19] Oh, it's an all-star cast.

[4:20] And Jack the balance Pallance.

[4:22] Jack the balance Pallance.

[4:24] There's Terry the fairy Hatcher.

[4:26] Yeah.

[4:27] Michael J. Hollard Pollard.

[4:30] Okay.

[4:31] Who else?

[4:32] Come on.

[4:33] James Zadar.

[4:34] James Wrong Hong.

[4:35] Robert Gabar Zadar.

[4:37] Robert Zadar.

[4:38] And Clint the Flint Howard.

[4:41] Oh, wow.

[4:42] Changed it up.

[4:43] Changed up the rhyme scheme in the last.

[4:45] Slightly, yeah.

[4:46] Who else is in the movie?

[4:48] Who else?

[4:49] You got lots of big stars.

[4:50] So the skies were dark where all the stars were in the movie.

[4:53] Yeah, exactly.

[4:55] So.

[4:56] Is that the beginning of George R. R. Martin's review?

[4:59] George R. R. Martin.

[5:00] George R. R. Martin is the character that George R. R. Martin put into his novels after the fact.

[5:06] Everybody hates him.

[5:08] He's super racist.

[5:10] He does have a long beard, though.

[5:13] This is a tale.

[5:15] What made us think Tango and Cash?

[5:17] First, before we get into what Tango and Cash is about, for those few members of the audience

[5:21] who have not yet been lucky enough to experience the pure, beautiful perfection that is Tango and Cash.

[5:26] Spoiler alert.

[5:27] Why Tango and Cash, Dan?

[5:29] Well, I think that for all of us, I think we look at it as the apex of a certain type of 1980s filmmaking.

[5:35] Yes.

[5:36] Some would say the capstone of 80s action filmmaking.

[5:39] In fact, I would say that, and I just did.

[5:41] Yeah, and you did while we were watching it, like four times.

[5:43] Yeah, I just quoted myself.

[5:44] Yeah, I guess they, ah, the capstone.

[5:47] They should have called this movie Tango and Capstone.

[5:50] They should have gotten Kate Capshaw and Sharon Stone, or Capstone, as I call them.

[5:56] Solving crimes.

[5:58] Getting into boy trouble.

[6:00] Yeah.

[6:01] Yeah, it's a movie that seems to have been made by an alien race of moviegoers

[6:08] who all they know about police work has come from 1980s movies,

[6:12] and then they decided to make the ultimate version of that.

[6:15] Well, it's weird because this seems to be a movie from before irony had infected filmmaking

[6:20] because watching it, it feels like a comedy about over-the-top action movies, but it is not.

[6:29] It's a comedy action movie, but it's not meant to be a joke on action movies.

[6:33] It is supposed to be funny, but it's supposed to be funny in the banter that they're going back and forth

[6:39] or the fact that Kurt Russell dresses up like a lady at one point,

[6:42] but what's actually funny about it is how over-the-top the action cliches are

[6:47] and how unfunny the banter is.

[6:49] But everything about the music is super 80s, the acting is super 80s, the way it looks,

[6:54] the way it moves, the editing, the story, the dialogue, everything about it is like

[7:00] all the worst things about 1980s movies put together, and they mesh so well together.

[7:06] Stuart, I'm just thinking about Tango and Cash.

[7:10] So should we go over what the movie is about?

[7:12] Yeah, let's spin a tale.

[7:14] Yeah, so imagine you've never seen Tango and Cash.

[7:16] Elliot's now going to tell you about it.

[7:18] Imagine it's a million years in the future,

[7:21] and the most important movie ever made has been passed down in oral history.

[7:25] Or 23 years in the past when Tango and Cash actually came out.

[7:29] No, no, I'm saying through the years, Tango and Cash has been told from person to person.

[7:35] Oh, yes, so it's an oral storytelling thing.

[7:38] Well, you asked me why the stars are in the sky and weather happens.

[7:43] Here's a story that I think might explain it.

[7:46] We're younglings, I'm assuming, at this point.

[7:49] You're younglings.

[7:50] Dan is an old for his ageling, but you're a regular youngling.

[7:56] So we open.

[7:57] It's a road outside of Los Angeles where police dynamo Ray Tango, Sylvester Stallone,

[8:04] who you know is kind of a business-like professional type because he wears a three-piece suit and glasses,

[8:09] is driving his car.

[8:11] He is interrupting or continuing the chase of a gasoline truck that he thinks is up to some nefarious business.

[8:20] The truck is being driven by Robert Zadar.

[8:22] So he's a villain.

[8:24] Yeah, he's the man you may know as having a huge face from such movies as Maniac Cop and Soul Taker.

[8:29] And Sylvester Stallone is told, back off from that truck.

[8:32] We're out of our jurisdiction.

[8:34] And he says, no, I've been on this case for three months or something like that.

[8:38] He drives in front of the truck, then gets out of his car and just stands in the path of this huge tanker truck,

[8:45] shooting his gun into the windshield.

[8:47] Shooting his revolver into the windshield.

[8:49] Yeah.

[8:50] He put special bullets in it, though.

[8:52] I don't think they are special bullets.

[8:55] But he emptied out his gun and put in special bullets.

[8:58] For the power that he needs, it seems like his barrel length at least should be larger.

[9:03] He shoots like a snub-nosed gun.

[9:06] Yeah, anyway.

[9:07] Especially a movie where later on they're all firing giant-ass guns.

[9:10] Well, they have to build up to the guns.

[9:12] You start at ten, you've got nowhere left to go.

[9:14] You start at two, then you work your way up to ten guns.

[9:16] Yeah, because if he brought out a huge gun, later on people would be like, why is he now just using that big gun again?

[9:22] Exactly.

[9:24] He forces the truck to stop just short of killing him, and the two bad guys driving it fly through the windshield and land at his feet.

[9:31] There's some little homophobic banter between the two of them.

[9:34] The sheriff's department comes over.

[9:35] This is just a normal gasoline truck.

[9:37] What are you doing here, asshole?

[9:38] I need your badge number.

[9:40] And he says something pithy, and then he shoots the tanker, and I guess cocaine falls out?

[9:47] Yeah.

[9:48] And he says, look, it's snowing, and it turns out it's drugs.

[9:51] Anyone want to get high?

[9:52] Yeah.

[9:53] His pithy quip is, anyone want to get high?

[9:57] Ray Tango has done it again.

[9:59] He stopped another huge truck.

[10:00] load. And then Jack Palance drives by because apparently he personally supervises his drug

[10:05] evil kingpin always just you know you know just drives a little bit behind the trucks keeping an

[10:11] eye on them. And he's got two uh hench goons. He's two hench goons, James Hong and another actor who

[10:16] I don't know his name. You may remember James Hong as Lo Pan from Big Trouble Mojo. Or if you saw

[10:23] the Day the Earth Stood Still, the new one, he's the old Chinese man who talks to Keanu Reeves.

[10:28] Uh he's Chia Carrera's father in Wayne's World 2. He is in a ton of movies. He's really he's

[10:33] basically just Lo Pan. Lo Pan is the most important thing. You may remember him as

[10:36] president of the Asian American Actors Association. Uh he's also played Lo Pan.

[10:44] Now uh Jack Palance is very unhappy. Ray Tango has been a thorn in his side for a long time

[10:50] and he's also mad at a man named Gabriel Cash who we haven't met yet.

[10:54] Mm-hmm. Cut to, right? I don't know. It cuts to the introduction of Gabriel Cash.

[11:00] Gabriel Cash is a sloppy kind of hot dog. Hot dog and although the fact,

[11:04] Sylvester Stallone doesn't like Kurt Russell because he's a hot dog. Sylvester Stallone did

[11:09] stand in the pathway of a tanker truck. They're the exact same character. One of them wears a

[11:12] suit and the other one wears a wife beater and that's what's different about them. No Dan,

[11:16] what differentiates them is their ideologies and their ethics. So Gabriel Cash, not a,

[11:22] Gabriel Cash is uh coming home from grocery shopping. Uh he's just kind of a slobby ordinary

[11:28] guy. He looks in the mirror on his wall. Suddenly an Asian guy with a gun smashes through it.

[11:35] And a flat top. And a flat top, yeah. And shoots at him, hits him in his bulletproof vest. Gabriel

[11:40] Cash shoots the, shoots the would-be assassin with uh a gun hidden in the sole of his boot.

[11:47] So when he points the sole of his feet at people, he can shoot them with it.

[11:51] The two of them get into a chase. Very dangerous when he crosses his legs.

[11:55] He's not a good. That's what originally happened in that scene from Basic Instinct.

[11:59] When Kurt Russell was playing the Sharon Stone part. I'm glad they recast that. Yeah. I mean

[12:05] you know they're both sexy people but uh it just seems a little weirder with him in that role.

[12:10] I mean they raised a lot of questions. Yeah. About sexuality, about your sexuality. Well

[12:15] why is everyone treating him like he's a beautiful woman? That was the main question.

[12:18] Yeah. Why does Newman from Seinfeld uh find himself so attractive? Yeah. So anyway there's

[12:23] a big chase sequence. I mean he's got really great hair though. I mean we got rid of that. Yeah.

[12:27] They have a car chase. He's in good shape. Uh that involves they're in a parking garage. They

[12:32] almost hit a homeless person with a like a supermarket shopping cart full of cans.

[12:38] Yeah. A Russian guy packing boxes into his car for some reason. Gifts.

[12:42] And two people having sex in the back seat of a car. Probably Levi's jeans.

[12:45] Compact discs. Yeah. Toilet paper. Walkman. This is 1989. Oh okay.

[12:50] Uh yeah. So he yeah he destroys a bunch of uh cars uh to get this guy. Uh there's a there's

[12:56] a complete uh you know like a like a fucking gumball destruction rally in this uh. Okay.

[13:03] It's hard to really describe how great it is. Yeah. A lot of cars smashing into each other

[13:06] over and over again. Neon lights exploding. Two totally naked people in the back seat of a car

[13:11] having sex because I guess they were driving around nude and decided to park in the parking

[13:15] garage and have sex there. Who knows? Anyway. It gets hot out in the sun in LA. Back at the

[13:21] police station Ray Tango has a talk with a woman played by Terry Hatcher who they both care about

[13:27] each other. And Kurt Russell in a kind of locker room slash men's bathroom slash interrogation room

[13:34] he beats up the assassin to find out who the assassin's boss was.

[13:40] Long story short Tango and Cash both get set up. They get sent to a spooky house

[13:46] slash steam factory slash abandoned apartment building. Like a spooky mansion that they have

[13:51] to spend the night in to get their inheritance? Not exactly but it's like you know the place that

[13:56] um that the toy maker lives in Blade Runner? Uh yeah. It's kind of an abandoned building

[14:02] full of smoke. It's basically one of those. They go there and they find a federal agent killed

[14:06] and drugs and money all over the place. And they're being recorded. Something doesn't make

[14:11] sense. They're arrested. Police come in. Oh no! Tango and Cash have been set up by the bad guys

[14:16] to look like they're a bunch of major league drug dealers. Dirty cops. To make them look like dirty

[14:22] cops. I do like that when the cops bust them uh they you know they have their guns on Tango and

[14:27] Cash who have been all over the newspaper. Like they they're so famous. That day's newspaper

[14:32] both Tango and Cash appear on the front page. And they're only known by their last names. They're

[14:37] so famous it could just say Cash makes another bust. Yeah. Everyone knows what that means. Cash

[14:42] was below the fold though. So I guess Tango uh beat him on that one. Yeah. No no Tango is the

[14:46] number one cop. Yeah. But these they should be recognized by the police officers. Police don't

[14:51] seem to recognize them. Two most famous police officers in the city. I'd say in the country.

[14:57] Can you name one police officer? Uh police commissioner Ray Kelly. Okay well he's a

[15:03] police commissioner. That's good. Can you name a regular cop? He could be a detective. Plain clothes.

[15:08] I mean I do I do but he's a personal friend. I don't know. Yeah that doesn't count. No like it

[15:13] doesn't count if it's someone you know personally. Commissioner Gordon. Oh yes he's also a commissioner.

[15:16] Also commissioner and fictional. Okay. Uh I guess. I bet if you look around there's a commissioner

[15:21] named Gordon somewhere and he's always making jokes. Well there's certainly a fisherman named

[15:24] Gordon so. Yeah he does good work. Yeah with that him and just that yellow slicker. Catch a lot of

[15:31] fish. Yeah and he does it single-handed because he doesn't believe in unions.

[15:38] So the two of them have been set up. They go to trial and for some reason they decide to plea

[15:43] bargain even though they know they're innocent. Uh they plea bargain to get a minimum sentence

[15:49] at a minimum security prison. Well it's looking pretty bad for them. I mean there's you know

[15:53] there's doctored tape that implicates them. There's uh some other bullshit. You know they

[15:59] aren't going to get off and they got they got to take the they got to cop a plea. Yeah yeah they

[16:04] need to take the years. Yeah so Jack Pallance. Do the crime, do the time. You know what I mean? But they didn't do the crime. Oh okay.

[16:09] Jack Pallance has set this all up. They think they're going to go to a minimum security prison

[16:13] then suddenly they get delivered to the most maximum security of prisons. Yeah it's like a

[16:18] hellscape. It literally is. They're walking down the hallway to their cells and there's literally

[16:23] people throwing fire at them. After a nice shower break between the two of them. Oh yeah the two of

[16:28] them have a shower where they talk about each other's penis size and how they hate each other.

[16:32] I think they turn all the faucets on, all the uh spigots. Yeah. Yeah that's true. All of the all of

[16:38] the showers heads are spraying around. Is that to make sure they don't get recorded? Is that what

[16:43] we're trying to think? I think that's because it looks better. They just want like a real massage.

[16:47] Like they want to look at it. There's a lot. Well you want to be able to walk around and still have

[16:51] water on your body. It gets cold if you have only one. Ray Tango likes to take what he calls pacing

[16:56] showers. Where he walks back and forth under multiple shower heads. He thinks better when he's showering

[17:01] and he also thinks better when he's in motion. So both of those things together. Like if you're set

[17:04] up by the crooked crooked cops you know you got to get you got to be at 100% with your mental

[17:10] powers. You got to figure that shit out. I mean I don't think he was actually set up by the crooked

[17:14] cops though. I thought he was set up by Jack Pallance. The drug kingpin. And the crooked

[17:19] officials were all FBI I think. No because the prison guys are all crooked too. Oh yeah. The

[17:24] prison board is crooked. They're the best guards money can buy. Yeah this prison hellscape that

[17:27] they sent you everyone appears to be a bad guy. Even the like the guards, the prisoners, everyone

[17:33] seems to be evil. They each have trouble with their cellmates. Kurt Russells is a big tough

[17:38] guy who won't let him use the toilet. Sylvester Stallones is Clint Howard playing the role of

[17:43] Slinky. A crazy guy who's always making noise with his Slinky. Yeah. So Sylvester Stallone beats

[17:48] him up. In the middle of the night our two heroes pulled out of their cells and taken down to the

[17:53] laundry basement where they are beaten up and tortured and almost electrocuted to death. Yeah.

[18:01] Also Jack Pallance steps out of the shadows for no purpose other than to introduce himself.

[18:05] With his main goon. He has a cockney goon with a terrible English accent who says a lot of stuff

[18:10] like hey governor what's all well I'll just send you for a toss you're right bird. I know you're

[18:16] probably thinking he's played by Clive Owen. He's not. That is a great Clive Owen impression. Yeah.

[18:21] I wish the guy in the movie was as good. But no I have to say that like at that point but

[18:25] that point in the movie Tango and Cash have no idea who set them up. They don't even know that

[18:30] Jack Pallance exists. Yeah. So the fact that Jack Pallance just drops by like hey guys. There's

[18:35] been a scene before that where where Cash seems to think seems to know who did it.

[18:44] Because Jack Pallance is Lopez right. No. Or is he Perez. His name is no his name is Eve Perrette.

[18:49] I don't know they say Perrette but sometimes it sounds like Perez. He said he thought it was

[18:54] Lopez one of Perrette's goons that isn't. Oh okay I got mixed up. Eve Lopan Lopez Perez.

[19:00] But then he knows who did it because he was set up by Jack Pallance's goons.

[19:04] Yeah. But he doesn't. But they aren't aware of who the shadowy puppet. That's true. They have no

[19:09] idea. And that's the thing when you're a game master like that you need to show the the mice

[19:15] that are running through hoops. You need to show them who's boss. You mean maze. Yeah whatever.

[19:20] There is Jack Pallance does have mice does have two pet mice that he kisses and caresses

[19:25] and he puts them in a maze in the bar top of his office. And he likes to say Tango Cash

[19:32] in the maze running together. Well Tango and Cash Cash and Tango. He liked it. He had to

[19:40] build a fucking diorama to explain people. His goons are not very smart. No. And in Pallance's

[19:45] hands. One of them dies because he doesn't take the safety off his Uzi later on. And Jack Pallance

[19:49] the way he says it it's just become slam poetry after a while. I tango through the cash of your

[19:57] tangos. So they're in this long.

[20:00] The basement with steam all over the place, they almost get electrocuted.

[20:02] They're being attacked. Robert Zadar, big face, is just laughing his big face off.

[20:06] Yeah, that's a lot of laughing.

[20:09] And then suddenly they're being electrocuted one after the other.

[20:13] And then suddenly the guards rush in, right, and save them.

[20:16] Yep. And then Jack Palinton and his cockney crony disappear into the mix.

[20:22] They escape basically just by stepping behind laundry machines and disappearing.

[20:28] Yeah, well, I mean, like, that's why you have your big brawl in, like, a laundry room.

[20:32] You don't need smoke bombs there. There's just so much steam from the laundry machines.

[20:36] It's a natural product of a late night laundry room.

[20:40] I think that was the original title for Midnight Meat Train. It's Late Night Laundry Room.

[20:44] Didn't go over too well. No, neither did Midnight Meat Train.

[20:48] Wouldn't it be fun, wouldn't it be scarier if it was on a train and it was, you know, a train full of meat at midnight?

[20:53] Yeah, OK, that's, yeah, OK.

[20:55] So then they talk about some other bullshit. They meet Cash's friend.

[20:59] They meet Cash's friend, the assistant warden, who's going to help them escape.

[21:03] Cash, Tango says, I'm not going to get him out of prison yet.

[21:05] And it's been for we've been talking about this forever.

[21:08] Yeah, well, they want to go over every intricate element of Tango and Cash, don't we?

[21:11] OK, well, I will go through a little faster. Tango doesn't doesn't trust this guy.

[21:15] Cash does. Cash tries to escape. He gets caught.

[21:18] A bunch of the evil guards being led by Robert Zadar, big face, chase after him through huge turbines.

[21:23] And this is a prison that has all these things that it doesn't make sense why a prison would have them, such as huge turbine rooms.

[21:30] This is another example of this movie being made by people who have only seen movies.

[21:34] They're like, oh, it would be cool if a prison had a big like fucking fan in it.

[21:38] They're like, let's have an escape through a building.

[21:41] OK, well, what do buildings have in them so we can build this escape?

[21:44] Well, we know from the movies we've seen that buildings have giant turbines.

[21:47] They have big basements full of steam and not that much else.

[21:50] They've got tunnels all over the water drifting through.

[21:54] It's always raining in buildings all the time.

[21:56] There's kind of a zip line, electric power lines that you can zip line across anyway.

[22:01] So short story, long story short, they escape in the escape attempt.

[22:05] They get beat up a lot. And Robert Zadar is electrocuted at while attacking.

[22:10] So that's just alone with a grappling hook. But they got somewhere.

[22:14] He does not come back to life like Ernest and Ernest goes to jail.

[22:18] He doesn't he doesn't get electricity powers. You're saying he does not.

[22:21] He just he gets electrocuted and dies like a normal human being.

[22:24] He doesn't turn into like the electric gremlin from Gremlins 2 and get stuck in a phone.

[22:28] Nope. He's just a dead hunk of meat.

[22:31] He doesn't get brought back to life by the electricity to be super alive.

[22:34] I mean, that actually might happen, but they don't.

[22:37] It's not like in what about the movie Shocker? Is anything like that?

[22:41] You mean the start of a failed horror franchise?

[22:45] Yes, it is. They actually tried to push in Friday the 13th when Jason has that pole in his chest

[22:50] and the lightning hits it and it brings him back to life.

[22:53] I mean, once again, that might happen, but it happens off camera.

[22:57] So, you know, when I write my The Jaw fan fiction because the character is called The Jaw,

[23:01] I'll I'll maybe I'll bring that's how I'll bring him back.

[23:04] Yeah, I mean, of course, he's going to come back. He blasts his way out of the Sarlacc pit.

[23:08] Yeah. And his last line as he dies is Tango, which is great.

[23:13] So anyway, they escape. They're running through the streets of L.A.

[23:16] They don't know what to do. Cash goes to meet up with tangos.

[23:20] Turns out to be a sister, Terry Hatcher, who dances at the Cleopatra Club to escape.

[23:25] Also in front of a giant fan. Yes. Also, it's like the set for SNL for the musical guests like used to be.

[23:33] And to escape from there, Kurt Russell has to briefly walk through a dressing room full of topless women,

[23:37] then dress like a woman and get out.

[23:40] He's almost stopped by a horny cop who is distracted by Terry Hatcher and then comes on to Kurt Russell.

[23:46] Meanwhile, Sylvester Stallone goes to the head of the police or something like one of the crooked cops who's high up in the force.

[23:54] He has the best line of the entire movie, in my opinion,

[23:57] which is the crooked cops pull in some cold spaghetti out of a bowl of cold pasta out of the refrigerator,

[24:04] close it for a nosh or something, closes the fridge door.

[24:07] Stallone's right there with a gun and he says, well, it's clear from your diet you're not counting your calories.

[24:12] You must be too busy counting the money they paid you to set us up. Beautifully written, beautifully delivered.

[24:18] So that's all there's a little bit from him before that guy blows up.

[24:21] Then Tango and Cash meet up again at Terry Hatcher's house. Their old boss who believes in the meantime,

[24:28] Cash has gone to the guy who who assembled the fake tape.

[24:33] Oh, right. And the nerdy sound engineer got him to confess.

[24:39] So there has been a little actual police work that occurred. There was a little bit.

[24:44] Yeah. The two of them, their old boss comes by and says, I trust you guys.

[24:47] I'll give you 24 hours to solve this case. Figure out who framed you.

[24:52] And of course, he's done that to begin with. I mean, come on.

[24:55] Yeah, basically. But the first step after that, of course, the most the obvious step is to go to the LAPD's super weapons lab

[25:02] and meet up with Michael J. Pollard as the retarded weapons genius.

[25:06] Yeah, I don't know. I don't know if listeners realize this,

[25:08] but every major metropolitan area has a weapons genius like sort of a Q figure.

[25:14] Yeah. Experimental weapons. Who invents things like, say, a robot Doberman that shoots out of its head.

[25:22] What does he also have? Well, he makes them a super car, but he also has some big guns.

[25:29] And a fucking giant magnifying glass. I think that's about it, though.

[25:32] He always has a giant magnifying glass in front of his face.

[25:34] I think he invented, he might have invented steampunk.

[25:37] Yeah, with that magnifying glass that's attached to his helmet.

[25:39] I mean, 1989 is pretty old, so.

[25:41] Yeah, it's pretty early. Well, back then it was just regular.

[25:44] It was just regular. Steampunk is all about the past.

[25:45] So 1989, that was back when people still wore corsets, top hats, goggles.

[25:51] When Jules Verne was writing, you know, his most famous works.

[25:53] Like Bonfire of the Vanities in space.

[25:57] Spacefire of the Vanities. Spacefire of the Vanities on the moon.

[26:02] And Around the Gremlins in 80 Days.

[26:07] Yeah, the book, Gremlins. Do movie novelizations count as books?

[26:14] Is that a best out of the 80s? I mean, they still count as books.

[26:18] It's not like they're not full of words and stuff. Yeah, that's true.

[26:21] His big hit, 20,000 Leagues Under the He-Man.

[26:24] I wrote at least one book report on the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the movie adaptation.

[26:30] There's way more stuff in that book. By Alan Dean Foster.

[26:33] Could have been. He does write a lot of those.

[26:36] Anyway, so. They get a supercar with a big machine gun on it.

[26:40] Of course, which was the last piece of the puzzle.

[26:45] And they go to the super compound of the Drug Kingpin, which is an abandoned Army Air Force Base,

[26:53] which now, I guess, the Drug Kingpin owns and it's huge.

[26:56] And he has all these giant construction monster vehicles.

[26:58] It's like a giant quarry. Yeah, it is a quarry, basically.

[27:01] Yeah. And there's a big car chase explosions.

[27:04] The super van gets all screwed up and they run through the place.

[27:08] A lot of shots of the super van riding around and then explosions happening to the sides.

[27:13] While Jack Palance is watching on his monitor and like going, yeah.

[27:17] Or like, oh, oh, just get him are cash.

[27:22] They get into the big gun room, take some guns, Kashi and Rango.

[27:30] Dodge to Rango. Casey Stangle.

[27:36] Jack, you do it again. I think you're drifting.

[27:40] No, no, that's good stuff. Rash and Mango.

[27:45] We'll fix it in post. They go to they go into the hideout.

[27:50] And it turns out Jack Palance has kidnapped Terry Hatcher.

[27:53] Sure. And then pushes the self-destruct button for the building because most buildings have those.

[27:59] They have 11 minutes to get up there and kill the bad guy.

[28:02] Get Terry Hatcher back. And they go up there.

[28:05] There's a lot of fighting, shooting. People get shot.

[28:07] Explosions. The new henchman gets introduced who only kicks.

[28:11] Yeah, he's a super kick fighter. He fights Sylvester Stallone.

[28:14] Well, Kurt Russell fights the Cockney English guy.

[28:17] He also he mostly does like those downward kicks.

[28:19] It's mostly him like leaping up in the air, like an ax kicking down.

[28:22] Yeah. Through a lot of which he mainly uses to destroy glass shelves with crystal on them.

[28:28] Because Jack Palance loves glass. He loves glass, crystal, easily breakable things.

[28:33] This is all in his office, by the way. The Kurt Russell blows up the English guy with a grenade,

[28:41] which is a callback to an earlier scene when Sylvester Stallone threatened the English guy with a grenade.

[28:47] Sylvester Stallone beats up bad cop, worse cop interrogation.

[28:50] They call it bad cop, worse cop. They are up.

[28:55] Oh, Jack, they fight. They kill James Hong and the other guy.

[28:58] They've already done that. Jack Palance is the only one left.

[29:00] Oh, door slides open. Of course, this is an executive office.

[29:05] This is the president of the company. Of course, he's going to have a hall of mirrors right next to his desk.

[29:10] Behind the sliding door. It's standard. You've got to keep up appearances.

[29:14] Every CEO has a hall of mirrors right next to their office.

[29:17] When you run a company, here are the things you can expect standard in your office.

[29:21] A comfortable leather chair, a couch everyone's afraid to sit on, your own bathroom.

[29:25] Some of those pendulum balls on your desk. Pendulum ball desk toy, your own bathroom,

[29:29] shelves of fine crystal, and a maze in the bar top that you put your mice in, and a mirror room.

[29:37] Yeah, hall of mirrors. A mirror maze.

[29:42] And he's got Terry Hatcher in there. With a gun to her head.

[29:45] And they're wondering, which one of those do I shoot?

[29:48] Well, luckily, while Jack Palance is just giving this endless monologue.

[29:52] He rambles on to the point that Tang and Cash start talking to each other,

[29:56] and you just hear Jack Palance talking in the background.

[30:00] Now what are you saying? This is the final soliloquy speech given by the main bad guy.

[30:04] Even the heroes are not interested in listening to it.

[30:07] They quickly decide and then both of them shoot him in the head.

[30:10] Yeah, because they've instantly found... How did you know?

[30:13] Oh, the monogram on his shirt was backwards.

[30:15] What about... Oh, but the ring was on the wrong hand.

[30:17] That's how they knew which one to shoot.

[30:19] And there's 20 seconds left on the bomb and during that time they somehow

[30:22] run downstairs, run outside, run far enough away from the building

[30:26] that they aren't injured by the blast when it self-destructs.

[30:29] But mission accomplished.

[30:31] Look, they were framed and there's a lot of evidence that proves their guilt.

[30:35] Right, and the one thing that disproves it is this one tape that they got

[30:39] from the guy after he threatened them.

[30:40] But they did go to a place, they killed a bunch of people,

[30:44] and they blew up a building.

[30:46] Right.

[30:47] So, of course...

[30:47] Exonerated.

[30:48] So, of course, they give a high-five and it immediately cuts to them giving a high-five,

[30:53] front cover of the newspaper, heroes again, Tango and Cash back on the force.

[30:59] End of the movie.

[31:00] I mean, didn't they get arrested for breaking out of jail?

[31:05] Nope.

[31:06] I mean, what about killing all those people while they weren't active-duty police officers?

[31:10] Nope, nope.

[31:11] None of that?

[31:12] None of that.

[31:13] They were probably bad guys.

[31:14] Yeah, just property damage, murder, escaping from jail,

[31:18] none of the original murder that they were found... that they pled guilty to.

[31:21] Right.

[31:22] None of those things matter anymore.

[31:23] Tango and Cash.

[31:24] Yeah, that's not Double Jeopardy, right?

[31:28] No, because it's two different crimes.

[31:30] That's why it's not Double Jeopardy.

[31:31] Double Jeopardy doesn't mean you can never be convicted of any crime ever again once

[31:35] you've been convicted.

[31:36] Wait a minute.

[31:37] But they admitted their guilt.

[31:38] Well, they pled guilty, they didn't admit their guilt.

[31:41] Oh, okay.

[31:42] So, like, the summary of the plot doesn't totally get across how amazing and stupid

[31:46] this movie is?

[31:47] Well, what about this quote?

[31:48] When the thing blows up, when Stallone goes...

[31:52] Which thing?

[31:53] A lot of things blow up.

[31:54] No.

[31:55] The compound at the end, and then Stallone goes,

[31:56] There's a lot of new pollution there tonight, and its name is Perrette.

[32:00] How about that?

[32:01] Did I get it across, maybe?

[32:02] It's pretty great.

[32:03] There's a lot...

[32:04] I'm trying to remember any of the other...

[32:05] How about where, uh, when Kurt Russell first goes into the Cleopatra Club after paying

[32:09] his $5 admission fee?

[32:10] There's a shot that... there's no reason not to cut that.

[32:13] It shows him walk up to the exterior of the Cleopatra Club, shows him walk in, and then

[32:17] he goes, hey, $5 cover.

[32:19] Yeah, sure.

[32:20] Hands him $5, walks in.

[32:21] There isn't even, like, a... not a quip, he doesn't push past the guy.

[32:24] Like, there's no reason to show that.

[32:26] So he enters the Cleopatra Club just to see the end of an act, where the dancer is riding

[32:31] a motorcycle off of the stage.

[32:34] Everything... there's, like... oh, sorry, you were gonna say?

[32:37] Just before Teri Atcher comes out and does some kind of sensual dance that features electronic

[32:41] drums, where she takes a pair of drumsticks and plays kind of arrhythmically to the song.

[32:48] And she strips off her jacket.

[32:49] Yeah.

[32:50] Yeah, well, I was gonna... to the point of her stripping off her jacket, I was gonna

[32:53] ask, is this the gayest action film?

[32:56] Yes.

[32:57] Yes.

[32:58] And yes.

[32:59] It is a love story between two men that includes a shower scene between both of them.

[33:07] And we do get to see both of their butts.

[33:08] Yeah, there's a lot of them being wet together.

[33:12] It's constantly raining in the prison and everyone's sweaty all the time.

[33:16] There's a sort of bondage-y scene where they're both, like, chained up next to each other

[33:21] and they sort of, like, sacrifice themselves for each other.

[33:26] Their electricity acting was not unlike some kind of erotic climax.

[33:30] Yeah, and there's the part where Kurt Russell blows Sylvester Stallone.

[33:33] There is that.

[33:34] But also, like, the main, like, love interest, if you can call it that, is Teri Atcher as

[33:40] Sylvester Stallone's sister, who is, like, a dancer in, like, a club that I guess you're

[33:45] supposed to think is sort of, like, this sexy club, but she's dancing fully clothed.

[33:50] You know, it's that flash dance sort of thing, where it's just like, I don't really understand

[33:54] why this exists.

[33:56] Well, the drinks are delicious.

[33:59] I will say there are a couple boobs in the movie, but Sylvester Stallone has no love

[34:04] interest.

[34:05] Yeah, Kurt Russell's love interest.

[34:06] He doesn't seem to be that interested in.

[34:07] Oh, yeah, and then Kurt Russell dresses up in drag at one point.

[34:09] And he dresses up in drag, and it is the most comfortable Kurt Russell looks the entire

[34:12] movie.

[34:13] Like, you get the feeling, like, when the movie's over, Gabriel Cash is going to put

[34:18] on those stockings again.

[34:21] Yeah, like, Teri Atcher's character's like, why do you still have these?

[34:27] Oh, yeah, I've been meaning to throw those out.

[34:29] Oh, you know, memories.

[34:30] Memories of that time.

[34:31] Why don't I just do that for you?

[34:33] Like, no, no, I'll do it later.

[34:34] No, no, no, I'll do it.

[34:35] You're going to do another deep, deep cover thing.

[34:37] Undercover?

[34:38] Yeah, yeah, that's what I meant, yeah.

[34:40] It's down by the docks.

[34:41] So that's pretty great.

[34:42] It's down by there.

[34:43] Yeah, it's everything in the movie is also as big and stupid as possible.

[34:49] The first time we see him running around with a gun, it's a handgun, but it's got this enormous

[34:53] laser sight on it, and it's, like, the size of the rest of the gun, and it is hilarious.

[35:00] And then eventually they upgrade to Uzis, because in the 80s, everybody had an Uzi.

[35:05] They upgrade to Uzis, and then to these sort of super machine guns that don't look like

[35:09] anything that I've seen before in a movie, or in my time in the military.

[35:14] Okay.

[35:15] They look like something that, like, time cops would have.

[35:18] Exactly, time guns, that turn you into babies when you shoot them, when you get shot at them.

[35:23] It's a powerful weapon.

[35:25] Yeah.

[35:26] Yeah, this puts, like, a cap on a certain style of, like, a film, like, the decade before,

[35:30] like, this puts a cap on it in the same way that, like, Bad Boys 2 then puts a cap on,

[35:34] like, the next decade or so of action film.

[35:37] Also, the music in this movie is done by, was it the same guy who did this?

[35:41] Harold Faltermeyer, I think is the guy's name.

[35:44] He's the guy who did Axl F for Beverly Hills Comics.

[35:46] It sounds like someone was like, get us kind of an off-brand Beverly Hills cop song, but

[35:51] through the whole movie.

[35:52] Yeah.

[35:53] And, you know, it's...

[35:54] And it just caught fire.

[35:55] Mm-hmm.

[35:56] Everybody's humming that tango and gas tune.

[35:57] Yeah.

[35:58] How does it go again?

[35:59] It's a crossover hit.

[36:00] Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

[36:01] No, wait, that's not it.

[36:02] That's close.

[36:03] Close enough.

[36:04] There's a ton of stupid one-liners.

[36:10] The characters never talk, act, or think like real people ever would.

[36:16] Every line's a quip.

[36:17] Every line's a quip.

[36:19] Characters have whole conversations that make no sense, and afterwards you're like, wait,

[36:22] what?

[36:23] One of Kurt Russell's best moments is he's walking into the police station, and a guy

[36:27] with a pizza box is passing by and goes, hey, and grabs a slice of pizza.

[36:31] This is its own shot.

[36:32] Gabriel Cash loves pizza.

[36:33] Yeah.

[36:34] And he plays by his own rules.

[36:35] He plays by his own pizza rules.

[36:38] He doesn't care what that pizza's for.

[36:39] There's the great moment early on where Ray Tango's boss is talking to him and asks him,

[36:45] why are you a police officer?

[36:47] You're rich.

[36:48] You dress like a banker.

[36:49] Why are you a cop?

[36:50] Which the audience is probably thinking, right?

[36:53] The reason is because of the action and adventure, not some kind of sense of civic duty, which

[36:58] would have endeared him to the audience.

[37:00] He doesn't say, like, to keep the streets safe or, like, my parents were killed or something

[37:03] like that.

[37:04] He goes, yeah, like a Batman.

[37:05] The action.

[37:06] The action.

[37:07] Like a Batman.

[37:08] Yeah, yeah.

[37:09] One of the many Batmen.

[37:10] Like a Batman might do.

[37:13] Yeah.

[37:14] Or, like, there's multiple points where Jack Pounce's henchmen go, why don't we just kill

[37:21] them?

[37:22] And Jack Pounce goes, no, no, we've got to do it this way.

[37:26] No, idiots.

[37:27] You don't understand.

[37:28] Killing them would only make them stronger.

[37:31] They're not Obi-Wan Kenobi.

[37:33] Now do you see why I don't kill them?

[37:35] And the henchmen are like, no, not really.

[37:39] We had them.

[37:40] We would never have to worry about them ever again.

[37:43] Then they would become martyrs to the police.

[37:45] No, they wouldn't.

[37:48] Then they'd be faced with an entire precinct full of tangos and caches.

[37:53] Of tangos and caches, yeah.

[37:54] Bunch of hot dogs.

[37:55] Nobody's doing paperwork.

[37:57] Sounds delicious.

[37:59] Bunch of hot dogs.

[38:00] Everybody's stealing pizza.

[38:03] No pizza would be safe around the police station.

[38:07] Oh, man.

[38:08] When I was a kid, I didn't see this movie when it first came out because I was, like,

[38:13] eight years old.

[38:14] Like, not in the theater?

[38:15] I saw it, like, probably around the time I was 11 or 12, like a couple years after it

[38:18] came out.

[38:19] Okay.

[38:20] But I do remember seeing, like, the commercials.

[38:22] And for those couple of years, knowing that, like, Tango and Cache was supposed to be,

[38:26] like, this tough action movie.

[38:27] And in my head, I imagined it being, like, the roughest, most brutal, like, grittiest

[38:32] violent action movie.

[38:34] Like, there was no more serious action movie than Tango and Cache.

[38:37] The same way that, like, when the last Boy Scout came out, I didn't see that for years.

[38:41] I assumed that was, like, the super tough, like, gritty movie.

[38:44] It was super gritty, though.

[38:46] Not really.

[38:47] Like, when I was a kid, I don't think I realized that there were some action movies that were

[38:50] incredibly stupid and over the top.

[38:53] I thought that, like...

[38:54] Like the movie over the top.

[38:55] Exactly, yeah.

[38:57] Wait, I'm not supposed to take the last Boy Scout seriously?

[39:01] I think you are.

[39:02] I mean, there's a lot of oozies in it, as I've already mentioned.

[39:05] There's a lot of swear words.

[39:07] I think I had a record for a while for most swear words.

[39:10] The guy says...

[39:11] What was he talking about?

[39:13] I forget, like, what he's talking about.

[39:15] The kind that shred and he throws, like, bullets into the fireplace.

[39:19] And it's supposed to be, like, this code word for them, but it doesn't mean anything.

[39:23] Like, it only means something if he's talking about bullets that are going to explode in

[39:27] the fireplace in a second.

[39:28] Well, there's a part in this movie where they're up against Robert Zadar and they're surrounded

[39:33] by bad guys.

[39:34] Robert Zadar's like, this guy broke my jaw.

[39:37] He broke my legs.

[39:38] And Caruso goes, you broke that guy's jaw?

[39:40] He goes, yeah, I did.

[39:41] Why?

[39:42] Because I was having a real bad day.

[39:44] And Caruso goes, a bad day like this?

[39:46] He goes, yeah, that's right.

[39:48] And the two of them punch Robert Zadar together, perfectly timed.

[39:51] And it's like, this is not a bit that they knew.

[39:54] This is...

[39:55] They immediately...

[39:56] It was a punching bit.

[40:00] Speaking in code, they made up a code and then acted on it.

[40:06] Cop instincts plus pheromones.

[40:08] There's a lot of pheromones.

[40:09] Yeah, that's true.

[40:10] It's very sweaty.

[40:11] It's one of my favorite stupid things in a movie or TV show is when the two heroes are

[40:16] surrounded by bad guys and the heroes start fake arguing with each other and one of them

[40:21] pushes the other into the bad guys and that's how they wrestle the guns out of their hands

[40:25] because who's going to fall for that?

[40:28] Who's going to fall for that?

[40:29] It's the stupidest ploy, but it always works in TV and the movies.

[40:33] Yeah, this is the sort of thing that will immediately get broken up by the person with

[40:37] the gun.

[40:38] Yeah.

[40:39] Like, hey, bang.

[40:40] The thing is, you've got these two guys.

[40:42] Wow, that was really eloquent the way you just put that there.

[40:45] Well, you've got two actors like Stallone and Russell who are just chewing that scenery

[40:50] like, of course you're going to drop your guard because you're kind of in awe.

[40:53] I've got to say, I mean, it's just so, you just want to see the show so badly.

[40:57] This movie did renew my, you know, like I'm a Kurt Russell fan and it just reinforced

[41:03] that because there's some really stupid stuff in this movie that damned if Kurt Russell

[41:07] doesn't actually make it work on its intended level.

[41:09] And what's strange is that Patrick Swayze was originally supposed to play the Kurt Russell

[41:13] part and dropped out I think because it was such a dumb movie and Kurt Russell's way better

[41:19] than Patrick Swayze would have been.

[41:21] Yeah.

[41:22] I mean, the only thing they have in common is hair.

[41:24] Yeah, and they're both super buff.

[41:26] Yeah, they got hot bods, real hot bods.

[41:30] But Kurt Russell is able to bring the same comedy chops that he took from The Computer

[41:37] War Tennis Shoes and the same action chops from The Thing and combine them into one whole.

[41:44] Sort of like a Superman.

[41:45] No, that's Christopher Reeve or Dean Cain.

[41:48] Yeah, but not Brandon Routh and not Dean Koontz.

[41:52] No, Dean Koontz or George Reeve.

[41:56] But the man had a tragic life.

[41:58] Come on.

[41:59] Give it to him.

[42:00] I don't understand.

[42:01] What?

[42:02] Give Superman to him.

[42:03] No, no.

[42:04] I said he was Superman.

[42:05] Oh, okay.

[42:06] Yeah.

[42:07] I thought you said not him.

[42:08] No, no.

[42:09] Not him.

[42:10] He's no…

[42:11] Ah, forget it.

[42:12] All right.

[42:13] But yeah, Kurt Russell definitely puts more into the movie and actually manages to sell

[42:14] some of the lines.

[42:15] Yeah.

[42:16] I mean, he doesn't sell them well, but he sells them.

[42:19] I'll buy them.

[42:20] That's all I'm saying.

[42:21] Yeah.

[42:22] Stuart wants to buy.

[42:23] Stuart wants to buy.

[42:24] I mean, you walked into the store wanting to be sold.

[42:25] Yeah, he doesn't need to be motivated.

[42:26] He doesn't need the hard sell.

[42:27] It's just like this is the kind of – every time we watch a Flophouse movie, I'm hoping

[42:28] it's going to be this type of movie.

[42:29] Yeah.

[42:30] And then it turns out to be like 10,000 BC or Whiteout and it's just so disappointing

[42:31] because I know there's another Tango and Cash out there.

[42:32] There's got to be.

[42:33] We'll keep looking.

[42:34] Somewhere out there.

[42:35] Maybe in the next hundred episodes we'll find…

[42:36] Beneath the pale moonlight.

[42:37] Oh, I hope so.

[42:38] Did you become Irish?

[42:39] Is that what you're saying there?

[42:40] No.

[42:41] No.

[42:42] No.

[42:43] No.

[42:44] No.

[42:45] No.

[42:46] No.

[42:47] No.

[42:48] No.

[42:50] that was from Five Head Goes West, right?

[42:52] I just want to say one more thing.

[43:03] Tango and Cash is beautiful in its stupidity.

[43:06] Yeah.

[43:07] Yeah, I was going to say I think we can skip our judgments on this because I think we were

[43:13] all in agreement that this is the best movie…

[43:15] Ever made.

[43:16] Ever.

[43:17] Yeah.

[43:18] I think 12 rounds is close.

[43:19] It's about as close as someone gets, but 12 rounds is still not as good as…

[43:23] 12, like Tango and Cash is so the thing that it is, whereas 12 rounds is not as seamlessly

[43:30] stupid.

[43:31] Yeah.

[43:32] It's stupid, but not as beautiful.

[43:33] That's perfectly so.

[43:34] Tango and Cash does not have a brain in its head.

[43:36] 12 rounds has like maybe like an 18th of a brain.

[43:40] Yeah.

[43:41] What Tango and Cash feels like to me is it feels like a movie made by children.

[43:44] And that's maybe…

[43:45] Just making up a story.

[43:46] Yeah.

[43:47] Making up a story as they go along.

[43:48] They have no idea how life works and they're so excited about doing it.

[43:51] There's so much joy that comes through in how dumb it is.

[43:55] So…

[43:56] And there's a lot fewer of John Santa just pointing his gun at black people in this movie,

[44:02] which is a little…

[44:03] Makes me uneasy.

[44:04] Yeah.

[44:05] Sure.

[44:06] So, before we get on to our mailbag…

[44:09] Our 100th mailbag.

[44:10] Oh, wow.

[44:11] That's inaccurate.

[44:12] We haven't done that.

[44:13] Mailbag number 100.

[44:14] Like the first episode.

[44:16] We didn't have mail.

[44:17] That's weird.

[44:18] Yes, you did.

[44:19] Said, Dear Floppers, I haven't heard your podcast yet because it doesn't exist yet,

[44:22] but I'm really looking forward to it.

[44:23] I'm sure it will be great and Dan will be the best.

[44:25] Love, Dan.

[44:26] Accurate.

[44:27] So, before we get to that though, I just want to recognize a couple of donations from Daniel

[44:34] G and a very generous donation from Colin M. So, thank you both for that.

[44:39] Yeah.

[44:40] Thank you.

[44:41] Thank you very much.

[44:42] We appreciate your support.

[44:44] It's listeners like you that keep Flophouse on the air.

[44:47] Yeah.

[44:48] And when can they expect their Flophouse tote bag?

[44:50] Well, I have to knit it first, so…

[44:52] Really?

[44:53] A knitted tote bag?

[44:54] It will be a few years.

[44:55] It seems like a weird tote, but keep your eye on the…

[44:57] Keep your eye on the mill.

[44:58] Okay.

[44:59] On the mill?

[45:00] Keep your eye on the mill.

[45:01] What?

[45:02] In case they're making pepper or paper?

[45:03] Keep your eye on the mill on the floss.

[45:07] Anyway, this is a letter titled, Honey, Where's My Super Suit?

[45:13] From a friend of the Flophouse, Kurt Holman.

[45:16] He says that we can use all of his name.

[45:19] Okay.

[45:20] His first name is friend of the Flophouse?

[45:21] His first name is friend and then his middle name is of the Flophouse, Kurt.

[45:26] His last name is Holman.

[45:28] But…

[45:29] Friend, OTFK, Holman.

[45:31] He says, Dear Dan, Stuart, Elliot and Housecat, congratulations in advance for your impending

[45:36] 100th episode.

[45:38] After 100 episodes, I think you're going to reward yourself with the likes of The Great

[45:41] Bikini Offroad Adventure or at least a good bad movie.

[45:44] Well, we did.

[45:45] Yeah, we did.

[45:46] Thanks.

[45:47] Or did he mean after 100 episodes?

[45:48] So, after this 100th episode, we can reward ourselves with Bikini Offroad?

[45:51] Yeah, we're all going to watch The Great Bikini Offroad Adventure.

[45:53] Because…

[45:54] I know you like to watch it alone.

[45:56] Yeah, I do.

[45:57] We can devote a couple of episodes to that, to be honest with you.

[45:58] I mean, I can watch it with you guys if you guys don't look at me while we're watching

[46:01] it.

[46:02] Okay.

[46:03] Because it ruins the illusion?

[46:04] It ruins the illusion that I'm there with the Bikini Girls on the Offroad Adventure.

[46:07] Shoulder to shoulder with Willie Talsall, Shaman, Boob Connoisseur.

[46:14] Collecting those lost bikini tops, Boob Connoisseur.

[46:18] I feel like that's a magazine you need to put out, Boob Connoisseur.

[46:21] And every issue, there's a picture on the upper right-hand corner of you with a pipe.

[46:26] You have like a pince-nez and you're examining a nipple.

[46:34] Apparently the best boobs.

[46:35] So he says, so I listened to the X-Men, Orange, and Wolverine podcast the other day and decided

[46:40] to check YouTube to see if I could find a clip of Elliot talking about adamantium on

[46:45] The Daily Show.

[46:46] In that endeavor, I was unsuccessful, but I did find a video.

[46:48] Oh, you should go to TheDailyShow.com.

[46:49] Yeah, that's the easiest way to find Daily Show videos.

[46:53] All of your favorites and much more, DailyShow.com.

[46:57] Thanks for writing.

[46:58] Oh wait, no, there's more in this email.

[47:00] He says…

[47:01] What is that?

[47:02] I found a video called KalenSupermanVideos1, Superman vs. Humanities Professor, which featured

[47:08] Dan in the famed tights and cape as the Man of Steel getting a stern talking to from Elliot

[47:12] as a Tweety Professor.

[47:14] That clip, in turn, directed me to two additional clips that put Elliot himself in the super

[47:18] suit.

[47:19] Now, unless I missed something, these Superman impersonations have never come up on an episode

[47:22] of the Flophouse, which puzzles me, given how much you guys in Flophouse Nation at large

[47:27] loves nerdy subject matter like superheroes.

[47:30] I hope I'm not causing any awkwardness bringing up a youthful indiscretion, which you'd

[47:33] rather be kept on the down low, Dio.

[47:38] It also makes me wonder, just what Elliot has against Superman.

[47:41] Is Elliot a contributor to Marvel Comics, taking a swipe at the central character of

[47:45] the distinguished competition?

[47:47] Or have we finally seen how Elliot's long-rumored racism manifests itself through the ridicule

[47:51] of a Kryptonian-American?

[47:52] Whoa.

[47:53] On a lighter note, I enjoyed Elliot's take on my favorite bad movie, Zardots, on the

[47:56] Conan episode, and it occurred to me that you guys could frame one of your ill-defined

[48:00] Flophouse contests around it.

[48:02] Simply challenge your audience to re-edit a trailer of Zardots, replacing the original

[48:06] audio with the Elliot as Sean Connery remarks.

[48:08] It could be a way to appeal to bad movie and comedy fans who aren't listening to Flophouse

[48:12] already.

[48:13] Are there any?

[48:14] So yeah, that's a great idea.

[48:15] Yeah, I'd be up for anybody doing that.

[48:16] I think that's a really good idea.

[48:18] I mean, I don't know.

[48:19] I mean, like, our contests are so poorly run that I hesitate to make it one of those.

[48:24] You know what, we could do it in other contest winner chooses the movie we want to do.

[48:27] Yeah, yeah, sure.

[48:29] I would love to see that.

[48:30] Elliot, do you want to address the matter of the Superman videos?

[48:33] Sure.

[48:34] Those Superman videos, there were actually four of them, but one of them was taken down

[48:38] because it infringed on Warner's music copyright.

[48:41] That was the one Superman versus Man and Superman, in which Superman goes back in time to kill

[48:47] George Bernard Shaw, and Superman was played by Brock Mayhem in that one.

[48:50] I used to host a stage comedy show called The Primetime Kalen, which of course came

[48:57] after The New Kalen Show, which came after The Midnight Kalen.

[49:01] And Dan...

[49:02] All capitalizing on the fame of the Kalen name.

[49:04] The Kalen brand name really packed them in for those midnight shows.

[49:09] Dan was a contributor to The Primetime Kalen, and when Superman Returns came out, we decided

[49:13] to do a Superman-themed show, and we shot four videos using the same Superman costume,

[49:18] which strangely enough fit me, Dan, and our friend Brock pretty well, all three of us.

[49:23] We have also completely different body types, the three of us.

[49:27] And each of those, the four of them were Superman versus Humanities Professor, Superman versus

[49:31] Man and Superman, Superman versus Metropolis, which is a trial in which Superman is being

[49:38] brought up against public urination charges, and I forgot what the other one was.

[49:44] There's a communist one.

[49:45] Oh, that's right, Superman versus the Russian Superman in a drinking contest to decide who

[49:50] will get Cuba.

[49:51] That's right.

[49:52] Did different people shoot or produce them?

[49:54] I feel like there was like...

[49:55] Well, each one was written by a different person.

[49:57] Yeah, and I remember that.

[49:58] And they were shot by different people.

[50:00] I wrote the humanities one like I the there's a there's a wild difference in the production

[50:07] quality across the across the different yeah and the and the Superman communist Superman

[50:11] one was not shot by anybody that was literally a camera on a tripod and there are only two

[50:16] actors in it me and Eric Marceczak and we took turns holding the camera when we weren't

[50:20] on screen and when we were both on screen we just had the camera on a tripod and we

[50:24] shot I think that's like movie magic here it's like a five minute video that probably

[50:29] took about an hour all together to put together but it came out pretty well but like we very

[50:35] quickly drank a lot of water to simulate vodka and got very low key both of us and then I

[50:39] had to rush home and edit it so that was a very quick turnaround that one but uh it was

[50:45] for this Superman themed show and those those shows of course have kind of disappeared from

[50:48] anywhere but the YouTube videos remain as a vestigial tail exactly much like if you

[50:55] look up there are a series of three videos called ghost hunters that star me Dan and

[51:01] Eric Marceczak and stupidest videos you can imagine in which we hunt for ghosts so look

[51:06] up ghost hunters yeah if you want to Grant's Tomb, The Yeti and Jersey Devil there's some

[51:12] good jokes of those good jokes of those they're just they're you know they're a younger version

[51:16] of us and there's another totally unrelated video that may be on YouTube I'm not sure

[51:20] called the death of R2-D2 that is worth finding also where R2-D2 comes down with robot cancer

[51:27] robot cancer okay and we show him we decide to show him the best weekend of his life so

[51:33] nerd stuff yeah yeah what do you have to say about that Stuart wait wait what that we're

[51:38] talking about nerd stuff or Superman I don't know I just wanted to bring you in oh yeah

[51:42] well you know I was always uh I was an occasional audience member and fan of you guys's early

[51:48] stuff um but I kind of like what you're doing now all right wink well uh this one is called

[51:58] further injustices adjusted and it's from when some it's from someone called the re-gestinator

[52:04] okay as long as it's not another fucking sports email from your fucking brother uh hey guys

[52:11] hey guys this is not Elliot's brother but you said something about the Yankees that

[52:14] I need to correct the other day I was listening to your latest cast it's a regular part of

[52:18] my routine here in China did cast have an apostrophe in front of it well he's he's he's

[52:23] uh he's writing from China so give the guy a break I mean maybe he's a maybe he's an

[52:28] American and in China I don't know but but uh let's just assume it's not a native language

[52:34] and uh you're gonna say your break on the apostrophe you're about to say let's assume

[52:38] it's not a Native American yeah uh it's a regular part of my routine here in China and

[52:43] a soothing alternative to uh the grating swinging tones of my language learning cast

[52:48] I guess he is American yes wow that was kind of racist what he just said about that uh

[52:53] it was it would be a a bit of a stretch to say that it has helped me through some tough

[52:58] times but it has certainly diverted anyway I was brought up short when some pedantic

[53:03] listener do it look don't don't feel like you've done me too many favors you're all

[53:08] right yeah you're no 7 out of 10 uh I was brought up short when some pedantic listener

[53:15] drew attention to Dan's secret public shame that is to say his charming northwestern US

[53:20] accent by some quirk of file arranging the next podcast on the list was Flophouse number

[53:24] 12 awake probably Elliot's first as an official flopper and also the first time Dan was publicly

[53:30] ridiculed for a vocal deformity so many of your countrymen bear in silence and speech

[53:36] by vocal deformity does he mean the Siamese twin inside your throat yep like figure yeah

[53:43] Elliot that comes out at night and murders people Elliot perhaps smarting from a hodge

[53:47] manian ribbing of his own delightedly expanded on Dan's disability for some time is it pinhead

[53:54] or pinhead cackled Kalen low in the or low hand you ill-bred Idaho and I don't remember

[54:00] saying that my point is give the poor slab a break he served his debt to anglophone society

[54:05] your pal the readjustment and Dan you're you're getting better at disguising the emails

[54:11] you send yourself hello you're right Dan I shouldn't make fun of the way you say things

[54:16] starting now I will only make fun of other things about you all right fair enough there

[54:23] are uh there are some rich veins I have plenty of personality flaws without you know getting

[54:29] into stuff that I can't really control you smile a lot is this like a fucking thing is

[54:32] he kind of got a trick he's got a smile on his face that makes me think he's gonna press a

[54:36] button we're gonna fall down to trap doors just like you guys 100 episodes yeah yeah we talked

[54:43] about that already he's gone pod mad this one is titled correction okay I was just a Jonathan

[54:52] Franz an email it appears to be the last name with it it's like a like a book yeah I get it

[54:58] Oprah book club mm-hmm I was thoroughly enjoying your 88th episode on the movie priest with Paul

[55:04] Bettany and I felt the irresistible need to be an inseparable know-it-all please point to Elliot

[55:09] as it if he is in the room this guy knows what I'm talking about good crowd work that's good good

[55:16] pointing Dan my correction is to note that the law of gravitation was not violated or ignored when

[55:21] Paul Bettany's character jumps off the rocks in midair Newton's third law of motion this is the

[55:28] sentence doesn't make any sense Wow Wow he proved you wrong about something and you will make him

[55:33] feel bad he says wasn't oh wait no I got it the law okay I have a new thing to make fun of you

[55:39] about if you shut up I could just you're too dumb to read a letter it's an interesting use of syntax

[55:47] my correction is to note that the law of gravitation was not violated or ignored when

[55:51] Paul Bettany's character jumps off the rocks in midair Newton's third law of motion was period

[55:57] it is technically possible though incredibly improbable for the priest to perform this feat

[56:02] though the rock should have shot downwards away from his foot and probably deep into the ground

[56:07] or been pulverized or both Brian last name withheld so there you go so we should give this

[56:13] movie another look-see yeah I didn't see that one probably a good good movie now yeah usually

[56:20] that's the way it works if we fuck up turns out the movie goes great good good unfortunately they

[56:26] get an automatic good good yeah cuz it's our mistake we need to put that on the DVD cover

[56:31] yeah a good good movie the flop house so thank you improve video rentals from whatever video

[56:40] chain Paul Bettany was very angry at us when I yeah and he seems like a pretty chill guy except

[56:47] for all the it takes a lot of action movie roles yeah well that's how he gets out his aggression

[56:52] okay so this last email is from John last email of our hundredth episode

[57:02] it's gently placing his hand on my hand as if to console me yeah it's okay Dan they're there

[57:09] no I don't understand they're there Stuart touches other hand there there this does actually make me

[57:20] feel better they're there okay now take your hand away okay now put it back on there again

[57:25] okay now take your hand away again you know just me and I just you okay now rub your hand against

[57:33] his hand just the back of your hand against the back of his hand so this last email is from John

[57:41] last name withheld and it's a short email it says I hereby commission Elliot to write a prequel to

[57:48] in time featuring seven pounds that posits a world where time is wait okay interesting I like

[57:55] this idea I mean a commission implies I'm gonna get paid for this but uh are no financial details

[58:01] so I can't help you there I guess we'll have to work those out but I like the idea that seven

[58:04] pounds caused in time to take place probably some he probably broke the times we're still

[58:11] talking about the villain character we invented and not the movie seven pounds oh wait is it the

[58:16] movie I assume we're talking about the villain seven pounds related crimes okay just just

[58:22] clarifying for listeners who have not heard all right anyone who's not you didn't listen to seven

[58:28] pounds for anyone who just joined us because of the longevity rule that they had employed

[58:32] for the beginning of the podcast seven pounds is a Batman villain who commits seven pounds related

[58:39] crimes it's pretty much what does he sound like Stuart I don't I'm not the one doing the voice

[58:43] Dan what does he sound like seven pounds yeah kind of crypt keeper II yeah basically the

[58:48] Cryptkeeper mm-hmm like you might steal a seven pound diamond or you might just see steal like

[58:55] seven pounds from like an English guy back when they weren't on the euro here seven Paula

[58:59] Poundstones mm-hmm seven Ezra pound books well if it like a seven pound baby he'd kidnap it was

[59:06] like the heir to the seven pounds fortune yes he would take the seven phones and I think

[59:13] Batman would probably know who was the culprit who someone stole 28 quarter pounders who could

[59:20] it be of course you know you might drop a seven pound like like a sandbag on Batman in the back

[59:26] of a theater yeah well I mean that might probably won't hurt him but how like hi that's being dropped

[59:36] okay like from the top of the Gotham State Building yeah backstage

[59:44] I mean I do have a I do have a paying day job but I will quit it so I could do this

[1:00:00] Uh, so guys, now we're to the last segment of our regular, uh, show, and that is...

[1:00:05] Our 100th episode.

[1:00:06] Uh, Recommendations, a movie that you saw...

[1:00:08] Perhaps recently.

[1:00:09] Our 100th Recommendation.

[1:00:10] I know, I'm telling you, like, well, 300th Recommendation?

[1:00:15] There's three of us, except for often we recommend multiple things.

[1:00:18] And sometimes we don't do Recommendations, because the show's running long.

[1:00:21] God, man, we are not running a tight ship at all.

[1:00:23] No, hey, we don't edit it, that's you.

[1:00:25] Yeah, high five, Stuart.

[1:00:27] Making Dan do extra work.

[1:00:29] So, uh, if anyone has a Recommendation they want to jump in with...

[1:00:33] Elliot's all ready for it.

[1:00:35] Well, I'll recommend a movie.

[1:00:36] The movie I want to recommend is an English...

[1:00:39] I guess it's not an English action movie so much as it's an American action movie

[1:00:42] that was directed by an Englishman and starred a lot of English people.

[1:00:46] From the 1960s, a movie called Dark of the Sun,

[1:00:49] which stars Rod Taylor and Jim Brown as two mercenaries

[1:00:54] who have to go into an African nation that's currently experiencing

[1:00:57] a Civil War guerrilla uprising to save the staff and diamonds of a diamond company.

[1:01:03] And so they need to get through, basically, a brutal Civil War,

[1:01:08] get a bunch of people onto a train and a satchel full of diamonds,

[1:01:12] and take it back.

[1:01:14] And it is, for the most part, nonstop action,

[1:01:17] and especially for a movie from the mid-60s, it is super violent.

[1:01:21] And the body count in it is what you would expect from an 80s movie,

[1:01:25] just like they shoot tons and tons of people.

[1:01:27] There's a scene where Rod Taylor fights a German wielding a chainsaw.

[1:01:31] There's a lot of crazy stuff in it.

[1:01:33] And it's a good action suspense movie that's surprisingly brutal for the time it was made.

[1:01:39] So I recommend that, Dark of the Sun.

[1:01:42] I'd like to say...

[1:01:43] What I'll recommend just came to me.

[1:01:46] Last night, I hosted a bad movie screening, which I do from time to time.

[1:01:51] I don't just...

[1:01:52] Are you going to recommend that?

[1:01:53] I'm recommending going to Dan's apartment and making him show a bad movie.

[1:01:57] It is a pretty great experience.

[1:01:58] But I don't just talk the talk when it comes to bad movies.

[1:02:01] I walk the walk.

[1:02:02] I enjoy screening them for non-flop house reasons.

[1:02:07] Okay, keep going.

[1:02:09] And I screen the movie...

[1:02:10] What Dan's saying is it's a sickness.

[1:02:12] Birdemic Shock and Terror, which is a movie that has gotten a lot of cult attention as a bad movie.

[1:02:18] I feel like it's the next The Room, sort of, or just as The Room was the next Troll 2.

[1:02:26] What was Troll 2 the next of?

[1:02:28] Plan 9?

[1:02:29] Plan 9.

[1:02:30] What was Plan 9 the next of?

[1:02:31] I think that irony hadn't been invented then.

[1:02:34] Yeah, maybe.

[1:02:35] People only enjoyed things for their merits.

[1:02:38] Oh, okay.

[1:02:39] But Birdemic is a pretty amazing movie.

[1:02:42] It's a movie about...

[1:02:44] Hey, you ever seen the movie The Birds?

[1:02:46] Yeah, except for there's 40 minutes of driving around and a guy like making a million dollar deal at his nondescript tech company and talking about that.

[1:03:00] And he gets solar cells put on his house.

[1:03:02] Yeah, and he goes on dates with a girl that he just met in front of various green screens.

[1:03:08] And then with no foreshadowing at all, all of a sudden a bunch of birds show up and start dive bombing things and After Effects explosions start appearing on things.

[1:03:18] And are these real birds?

[1:03:19] No, these are looped animations of birds that are just sort of hovering in the air.

[1:03:23] They're flapping their wings, but the only bird that can actually hover in the air is the hummingbird.

[1:03:29] And these are not hummingbirds.

[1:03:30] These are like big hawks.

[1:03:32] I'm a mythologist over here.

[1:03:33] Yeah, Mr. Birds over here.

[1:03:35] Bird man of Dan Catraz.

[1:03:37] And this movie has a weird sort of green message.

[1:03:42] It is a pro-environmental message.

[1:03:44] It's the sort of thing that's like you're not helping the cause by making Birdemic and putting that on.

[1:03:51] Let me ask you this.

[1:03:52] The female star of the movie, do you see her in her underpants?

[1:03:55] You do see her in her underpants.

[1:03:57] Okay.

[1:03:58] In a sort of a thong panty.

[1:04:00] And she is certainly very attractive.

[1:04:04] She's one of the few people in the movie that I felt like could possibly be a passable actress too if she was in a better movie.

[1:04:11] Sure.

[1:04:12] If she's going to be in her panties, I mean.

[1:04:14] Underpants.

[1:04:15] I'd like to point out that Mr. Elliot asked a leading question that brought us to the panties.

[1:04:22] It wasn't me bringing up panties.

[1:04:24] I knew you wanted to talk about it.

[1:04:27] Who's the champion of the bit over here?

[1:04:29] Champion of the bit.

[1:04:33] I'm going to recommend a movie I saw recently.

[1:04:36] It was actually an Academy Award nominee a few years ago, and that's Winter's Bone.

[1:04:41] Winter's Bone.

[1:04:42] Winter's Bone with – what's her name?

[1:04:45] Jennifer Lawrence.

[1:04:46] Lawrence.

[1:04:47] And John Hawks.

[1:04:48] And John Hawks, who's great.

[1:04:50] If you want to see a movie with tons of chicks wearing like hunting jackets and sweaters with animals and shit on them, this is the movie for you.

[1:04:59] Is that the IMDb keyword that you put in for it?

[1:05:03] Chicks wearing hunting jackets.

[1:05:05] Yeah, so if you're really into hunting jacket chicks, check out Winter's Bone.

[1:05:09] You're just not making enough movies for me.

[1:05:11] A guy who likes chicks in hunting jackets and animal sweaters.

[1:05:14] Is that what the movie's about?

[1:05:15] Does it have a plot?

[1:05:16] Yeah, it's about a woman stuck in a man's world.

[1:05:19] I mean, I guess it would be accurate.

[1:05:22] I mean, also like 9 to 5 could be described that way.

[1:05:26] Thematically, yeah.

[1:05:27] Alien 3 could be described that way.

[1:05:30] There's some jokes.

[1:05:32] There's a fair amount of tension.

[1:05:35] You are going out of your way not to say what this is.

[1:05:38] Did you watch this movie?

[1:05:40] Did you watch it in mute?

[1:05:42] I did a lot of fast forward, too.

[1:05:44] I was hoping to see some chicken panties.

[1:05:47] No, it's about a young girl who –

[1:05:50] A woman stuck in a man's world.

[1:05:52] It's about a young girl who has to raise her younger brother and sister and at the same time find her father

[1:05:59] because her father needs to – what is it?

[1:06:02] He's up for bail or he's jumped his bail.

[1:06:04] He jumped bail and as collateral for the bail, he put their house.

[1:06:07] So she needs to find him to put their house.

[1:06:09] Yeah, she has to track him down and they find a way to take, I guess, a modern setting

[1:06:13] and still make it feel almost like a western of this young woman having to track her father down

[1:06:18] through these increasingly creepy parts of their town.

[1:06:21] And to do a noir story that's not set in a city but in a rural location.

[1:06:25] Yeah, so it's pretty great.

[1:06:28] It's a really good recommendation.

[1:06:30] There's a lot of chicks in hunting jackets.

[1:06:32] What kind of sweaters did you say?

[1:06:34] Yeah, one of them skins a squirrel at one point.

[1:06:38] Don't give away all the good stuff.

[1:06:40] Yeah, save some for the ticket buyers.

[1:06:43] So guys, 100 episodes.

[1:06:46] 100 laps.

[1:06:47] We did it.

[1:06:48] 100 episodes, 100 laps.

[1:06:51] AFI's Flophouse.

[1:06:54] So do like 200 more, right?

[1:06:58] One of the next 100.

[1:06:59] Heaven's door for us.

[1:07:01] Well, something tells me we're going to be watching Wormaduke eventually.

[1:07:06] And Bucky Larson.

[1:07:07] And Bucky Larson and maybe Smurfs 3 if our fans have anything to say about it.

[1:07:12] All right.

[1:07:13] Well, until we watch all those movies, I suppose I should sign off and say that for the Flophouse,

[1:07:18] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:07:19] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:07:21] And I am still Elliot Kalin.

[1:07:23] Goodbye.

[1:07:24] I think it's pretty amazing that we haven't had to watch a single one of the Alvin and the Chipmunks movies.

[1:07:29] Nobody makes us do this.

[1:07:30] That we haven't been forced into watching it.

[1:07:41] And it was really tender.

[1:07:44] I cooked it for like seven hours.

[1:07:47] It's just like it hits your mouth and melts.

[1:07:52] It's so juicy.

[1:07:55] Yeah, it's actually a brisket that's sculpted out of ice.

[1:07:59] Ice brisket.

The Flop House: Episode #100 - Tango & Cash

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