The Flop House: Episode #113 - The Devil Inside

Dan McCoy

[0:00] All good Shocktobers must come to an end with our discussion of The Devil Inside.

[0:30] The Devil Inside

[1:00] Come on, Boort Skellington.

[1:01] It's right there.

[1:02] It's too late.

[1:03] We already fucked it up.

[1:04] Forget it, Dan.

[1:04] It's over.

[1:05] It's over.

[1:06] It's like killing.

[1:07] You've got easy ones.

[1:09] Yeah, for you maybe.

[1:11] Dan McCoy, there's basically nothing you can do with that.

[1:13] We don't sit...

[1:14] Damned macabre.

Stuart Wellington

[1:16] Macabre.

[1:16] Right there.

[1:16] We don't sit around fucking practicing our cryptkeeper in the mirror all night and accidentally

[1:21] summoning Candyman or something stupid.

[1:23] Yeah.

[1:24] How many times did you do that, Dan?

[1:27] Oh, man.

[1:27] What kind of idiot accidentally summons Candyman?

[1:30] He's angry on me now.

[1:31] Yeah, because you're wasting his time.

[1:32] More so than usual.

Dan McCoy

[1:33] And he kills people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:35] Like, he just keeps cutting you slack every time he shows up and you're like, nope, it

[1:39] was a mistake.

[1:40] I was just doing a cryptkeeper thing.

[1:42] Oh, Dan.

[1:44] Like four times.

Dan McCoy

[1:46] Come on, man.

[1:46] Most about this is the idea that the cryptkeeper summons Candyman.

[1:50] Yeah, for parties and stuff.

[1:52] That's the thing that the cryptkeeper does.

[1:55] So, hey, everyone.

Elliott Kalan

[1:56] It's in the crossover fan fiction I wrote.

[1:57] My cryptkeeper Candyman fan fiction.

Dan McCoy

[2:00] Welcome back to the Floppos or welcome here for the first time if you've never been here

[2:04] before.

[2:05] Or don't welcome if you're not here.

[2:07] If you are about to turn it off.

[2:09] If you're not here, fuck you.

[2:11] You don't know what you're missing.

[2:12] A bold statement.

[2:13] But this is the podcast where we watch a bad movie and we talk about it.

[2:17] And it's Shocktober, the most wonderful time of the year.

[2:20] Ow!

Elliott Kalan

[2:21] Boogans!

Dan McCoy

[2:23] Aw, aw, aw, aw, aw.

[2:24] Scariest thing in the world.

[2:26] Stuart sang Boogans.

Stuart Wellington

[2:28] It's very frightening.

[2:30] Very frightening.

[2:31] So, tonight we watched a scary movie.

[2:34] Some might call it a horror movie.

Elliott Kalan

[2:35] Some might call it a horrible movie.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] We watched The Devil Inside.

[2:39] And let me tell you, the scariest thing about The Devil Inside was the difficulty we went

[2:42] through to try and get this movie up and running.

Elliott Kalan

[2:46] There were a number of technical difficulties that Dan soldiered through and he, like a brave

[2:51] boy, he got it all fixed out and called the cable company.

Dan McCoy

[2:53] The on-demand cable was not working, so we could not get it that way.

[2:57] The, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[2:58] The definition of first world problems.

Dan McCoy

[3:00] The streaming, uh, the streaming of movies through my, my, uh, my media center was not

[3:05] working either.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] It's almost like God was reaching out to tell us, don't waste your time with The Devil Inside.

Stuart Wellington

[3:09] He was saying that the Vatican does not endorse this movie, so you shouldn't watch it.

Dan McCoy

[3:14] Once, uh, like, I started downloading The Devil Inside from Amazon to watch on the computer

[3:20] so we could all huddle around the computer and watch it.

[3:22] Yeah.

[3:22] Like a bunch of college students.

[3:24] And then once we got the, uh, the cable back up and running, we wanted to watch it on the

[3:28] regular television, which, both of which, uh, meant that we downloaded The Devil Inside

[3:33] at full price twice.

Elliott Kalan

[3:34] So we've paid twice for The Devil Inside, which is three times more than you should.

Stuart Wellington

[3:39] So, yeah, hopefully the people listening at home will not even download it once.

[3:44] It's one of the few movies that, where the producers should pay America reparations.

Dan McCoy

[3:47] For some reason, you cannot rent The Devil Inside, even though it's been out on DVD since May.

[3:51] So we spent $30 to acquire this movie for you, our loyal listeners.

Elliott Kalan

[3:58] 83 minutes worth of movie.

[4:00] So that's, that's, you know.

[4:02] Let's do some fast math, come on.

[4:03] Well, look, that's, let's just say, that if it was a 90 minute movie, that would be three

[4:08] minutes per dollar.

Dan McCoy

[4:09] That's about 25 cents a minute, or wait, hold on.

[4:10] No, that's, you did that totally wrong.

[4:14] So anyway.

[4:15] We got less than three minutes per dollar.

Stuart Wellington

[4:17] So Devil Inside is one of those, uh, one of those found footage movies, yeah?

[4:21] Yeah, it's like it's made up out of, uh.

Dan McCoy

[4:23] Where do you find the footage?

[4:24] I found it on your fucking.

Elliott Kalan

[4:25] Television.

[4:26] PlayStation 3 or whatever.

[4:27] Oh.

[4:28] No, but it's in the, it's in the, uh, the tradition of your Blair Witch Projects's.

[4:33] Sure.

[4:33] And your, uh, what, Session Somethings.

[4:35] Activities Paranormal.

[4:37] Your Session Sevens.

[4:39] Your, uh, Sessions Seven.

Dan McCoy

[4:40] Your, um, your, uh, Last's Exorcisms.

[4:43] Your Apollo's 18.

Elliott Kalan

[4:46] Uh, yeah.

[4:47] Your, uh, Cooper's Christmas.

[4:49] That's a Jason Jones movie.

[4:50] Uh, your, uh.

[4:53] Your Trolls Hunter.

[4:54] Your Trolls.

[4:54] Yeah, exactly.

Dan McCoy

[4:56] Uh, yeah, it's, uh.

Elliott Kalan

[4:57] Your Dist, no.

[4:58] No, it's not.

[4:59] Never mind.

[4:59] Wait.

Dan McCoy

[5:00] Were you gonna say Disturbia?

Elliott Kalan

[5:02] No, I was gonna say District 9, but it's not really a found footage movie.

[5:04] No.

[5:05] It's just a shaky cam movie.

Dan McCoy

[5:06] Sort of a faux documentary.

Elliott Kalan

[5:08] But anywho.

[5:09] Uh, yeah, so it's set up as if it really happened, but it's easy to tell it didn't really happen

[5:15] because it's super shitty.

[5:17] Everything looks Incredifake.

[5:20] It was shot in the new horror technique, Incredifake, which makes real things look like fake movie

[5:26] things.

Dan McCoy

[5:26] It sends, it sends, it sends a tingle up your spine that tells you this is a terrible movie.

Elliott Kalan

[5:30] This is a movie shot on location in Rome, and for some reason that makes it look cheaper.

Stuart Wellington

[5:35] Yep.

[5:35] It, uh, it, it creates that queasy feeling in the bottom of your stomach when you realize

[5:40] you probably rented the wrong movie.

[5:42] That you spent $30.

Dan McCoy

[5:43] On a movie that Dan has been talking about for weeks.

[5:47] Well, this movie has an, I mean, we'll get to it eventually.

[5:50] We should tell the true story of the, of the release.

[5:52] This movie has a, uh, uh, infamously reviled ending.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] This is, well, we can say, this is, this movie is infamous, the release itself is infamous.

[6:00] It was not reviewed for critics, and it was the number one movie at the box office the weekend it came out.

Dan McCoy

[6:05] And I remember seeing the trailers to it that made it look.

Stuart Wellington

[6:07] They didn't show the critics because they didn't want to scare the shit out of them, right?

Dan McCoy

[6:09] They thought it was too scary for the critics.

[6:11] Well, they sold it paranormal activity style of, like, you know, like, showing shots of the audience being freaked out.

[6:18] Yeah.

[6:18] And I remember the trailer having moments in it that was like, okay, well, this could be scary.

[6:23] Uh, but it is.

[6:24] The, the, the, the advertising was, was, was well done.

Elliott Kalan

[6:27] The advertising was very well done, and it was not reviewed.

[6:30] So nobody, people thought it was going to be, like, paranormal activity, and they were going to be spookily scarified in Flophouse terms.

[6:36] But, uh, instead.

[6:37] They were going to be wormily boned.

[6:39] Yeah, exactly.

[6:40] They were, they were dungeonly depressed and disappointed at a terrible movie.

[6:46] Uh, so it went from, uh, number one in the box office, then the, between week one and week two, it dropped roughly 75% in terms of its money it made.

[6:56] And then it kind of disappeared.

Dan McCoy

[6:58] And what was the other movie that, uh, dropped that much?

Elliott Kalan

[6:59] It was the biggest drop between first and second weeks since the Jonas Brothers 3D concert movie.

[7:05] Which is more of an event than a, than a movie.

[7:08] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[7:08] The, something that you would expect to drop.

Stuart Wellington

[7:10] Yes.

[7:10] That's another movie where they made it seem like it really happened, but it didn't really happen.

[7:14] Yeah, that was all found, faked found footage.

Dan McCoy

[7:16] And they didn't review it for critics.

[7:18] They made it seem like footage found in, like, face-to-face.

[7:19] The Jonas Brothers, there are no Jonas Brothers.

[7:21] Sixth and seven.

[7:21] That's all Andy Serkis.

[7:23] Yeah, and they made it look like it was, they made it look like it was going to be really scary.

Elliott Kalan

[7:26] Mm-hmm.

[7:27] But this, it, the movie is, especially for its ending, reviled.

[7:31] And maybe we should go through the plot for anyone who hasn't seen it.

Dan McCoy

[7:33] Oh, it'll take nary a minute to go through the plot.

Elliott Kalan

[7:37] So, we open with some found footage of a police crime scene walkthrough and an old local news story.

[7:44] Turns out a woman murdered three people, two priests and a nun, during what turns out to have been an illicit exorcism.

[7:51] Mm-hmm.

[7:52] She was put into a mental home and then, for some reason, sent to a hospital in Italy, in Rome.

[7:57] Now, it's the year 2009.

[7:59] Her daughter has decided to...

[8:01] iPhones are all the rage.

[8:02] iPhones are all the rage.

[8:04] Everybody is talking about this new President Obama.

[8:07] And the real estate market has not yet returned to its full power.

[8:13] Unemployment is at roughly 8%, 8.5%.

Stuart Wellington

[8:16] Has Marty McFly come here from the past yet?

Elliott Kalan

[8:20] No, it will be six years later when that happens, I believe.

[8:23] If I remember correctly, I think that's in the year 2015.

[8:25] Read your history books.

[8:26] Read your future history books.

[8:28] Read your history books about the making of Back to the Future.

[8:30] We're still stuck in the Biff-verse, then.

[8:32] Yes.

[8:33] Exactly.

[8:34] Until Marty gets that sports all in that back.

[8:36] That's why employment is so bad.

[8:37] Biff's economic plan was...

[8:40] His sports gambling-based economic plan couldn't sustain the national economy.

[8:44] We're in a Biff-stopia right now.

[8:47] I mean, really, we're all to blame for Biff's election.

[8:50] We worked a little bit harder.

Dan McCoy

[8:52] We could have won Ohio.

Elliott Kalan

[8:55] But it's just that we all underestimated him.

[8:58] And his vice president, also Biff.

[9:01] Vote for me, butthead.

[9:03] His campaign slogan, hello, hello, America, anyone home?

Dan McCoy

[9:11] America, make like a tree and get out of here.

Elliott Kalan

[9:13] He promised he'd put a second coat of wax on America.

Dan McCoy

[9:18] But he didn't.

[9:19] He didn't fulfill that promise.

Elliott Kalan

[9:22] So, make like a drum and leave.

[9:26] So, it's the Biff-verse.

[9:27] So, anyway, it's 2009.

[9:28] And this woman's now grown daughter, a cute brunette, and I only describe her that way

[9:34] because it's the only personality trait she has, decides that alongside a documentarian

[9:39] filmmaker, she's going to go to Rome and find out what happened, why this exorcism.

[9:45] They go, and literally, they're in Rome for about a minute before they walk into a secret

[9:49] exorcism classroom.

[9:51] When in Rome, guys, am I right?

[9:52] Yeah.

[9:54] That's what that phrase means.

[9:56] That's what it means.

[9:56] And they meet up with two rogue priests, an Englishman and an American, who have been doing

[10:02] some secret underground exorcisms on the side.

[10:05] They go to the basement of an Italian family where there's a girl who's been possessed, and

[10:09] they perform an exorcism where she bleeds profusely from the crotch and shouts at them

[10:14] and contorts her body and crawls up a wall, but they eject the demon from her.

[10:19] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[10:20] But.

[10:20] Because ever since the exorcists, everyone, all women who are possessed, there's some sort

[10:26] of crotch involvement in that.

Elliott Kalan

[10:27] To be fair, I think the demons are probably interested in crotches.

[10:30] Yeah.

[10:30] I mean, they're demons, dude.

[10:32] Yeah.

[10:32] I'm a little more sex positive than you guys.

[10:35] Now, the girl has also visited her mother in the mental home.

[10:38] Her mother doesn't remember her and talks in weird things and has carved upside down crosses

[10:43] on her arm and on her inner lip.

[10:45] Yeah, it seems to be magic.

[10:45] Yeah.

[10:46] Totally death metal style.

[10:47] There's something.

[10:47] And she screams in a magic kind of banshee from the X-Men siren from, you know, a number

[10:53] of teams way.

[10:56] So they hook up with these two rogue priests.

[10:57] They go to the exorcism.

Stuart Wellington

[10:58] And which at this point, you're like, okay, I'm into this.

[11:01] It's like a little buddy exorcist comedy.

Elliott Kalan

[11:04] You're like, this is kind of a slow movie.

[11:05] There's not a lot going on until the scare scenes.

[11:07] And even those are not great.

[11:09] But whatever.

[11:10] Okay.

[11:11] They go to the hospital and they perform.

Stuart Wellington

[11:13] Their success on the first exorcism makes them think, hey, let's do this exorcism on

[11:17] this lady.

[11:18] They get cocky.

[11:19] They're going to examine the mom.

Elliott Kalan

[11:20] Turns out she's super possessed.

[11:22] Yeah.

[11:23] And is screaming and pushing people around.

[11:25] But they manage to sedate her and they get kicked out of the mental hospital.

[11:28] But uh-oh.

[11:29] Looks like the demon has followed them.

[11:31] One of the priests almost drowns a baby while he's baptizing it.

[11:35] And the best thing about the movie is that the baby's name is John Thomas.

[11:38] So a couple times he says.

[11:39] Named after a penis.

[11:40] He says, John Thomas, I baptize thee.

[11:43] And it's hilarious.

[11:44] It's like he's baptizing his own wiener.

[11:47] Honestly, I don't know how they could have given the baby that name unless they were so

[11:50] bored making this movie.

Stuart Wellington

[11:51] It's a traditional Italian name, right?

[11:53] No, it is not.

[11:55] And he performs that baptism in English, which is also pretty common.

[11:59] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:59] Very common.

[12:01] Then he comes back home.

[12:02] He's in trouble.

[12:03] The police.

[12:03] The original name was Wiener Schlossworth.

[12:05] He must have escaped or something because the police seem to have, he seems to have had

[12:08] no problem escaping the scene of almost murdering a baby where there were many other people

[12:12] around him.

[12:13] He goes home and goes upstairs and is unhappy and slashes his wrist.

[12:17] Then he has demon eyes.

[12:18] His pupils are all rolled back.

[12:20] Some two lazy looking Italian police come in and he takes their gun and shoots himself

[12:25] in the head with him.

[12:26] Then the demon seems to jump to the girl.

[12:31] And she gets...

Dan McCoy

[12:33] In the meantime, there's been like...

[12:34] Our gang of exorcists has...

[12:38] And documentarians.

[12:39] Yeah.

[12:40] Has gotten...

[12:41] There's been a lot of discord.

[12:42] There's been a lot of strife between them.

[12:44] They're divided.

[12:44] They're doing a bunch of real world style confessionals to the camera where they complain about each

[12:49] of them.

Elliott Kalan

[12:49] And by a bunch, like three minutes worth.

[12:51] Yeah.

[12:51] It's not really that much.

[12:53] It's more of a Blair Witch Project type confessionals where they complain about each other but they're

[12:57] making complaints that we have not seen.

[12:59] Like they're complaining about things that we know nothing about and they seem to come

[13:04] out of nowhere.

[13:05] Then, so the girl gets all crazy-fied.

[13:09] They take her to the hospital where she flips out.

[13:11] She's possessed.

[13:12] She's contorting all around.

[13:13] Ah!

[13:13] She kills somebody.

[13:14] Let's get her into the car and drive her somewhere so we can exorcise her.

[13:18] They're in the car.

[13:19] She starts flipping out and the spirit seems to jump to the guy who's driving.

[13:24] He takes off his seatbelt and then he crashes the car and the car rolls over a bunch of times

[13:28] and then the screen goes black and it says, for more about the ongoing investigation into

[13:33] this exorcism, go to this website.

[13:35] And that's the end of the movie.

[13:37] And this ending, a friend, someone I know who I work with is a friend of mine, saw the

[13:40] movie in the theaters and was gleefully telling me that, one, how bad it was, and two, how

[13:45] the movie just abruptly ended and told you to go to a website and the audience booed it

[13:49] lustily.

[13:51] Like the only proper response to a movie punking out on you and then telling you, oh, if you

[13:56] want to know what happens next, go to a website, is to boo it.

[13:59] Like, you just have to.

Stuart Wellington

[14:00] It's like a horror movie GoDaddy commercial.

Dan McCoy

[14:02] Exactly.

[14:04] To be fair to the movie, what happens next is those characters get buried because they're

[14:08] all dead.

Elliott Kalan

[14:09] They're dead, yeah.

[14:10] So it's a short, stupid movie and there are a couple okay, like, scare effects.

[14:15] Like, when the guy shoots himself in the head, it's a very good blood effect.

[14:18] They have a real contortionist who does contorting.

[14:21] She does great work.

[14:23] And, like, there's something kind of...

[14:25] The John Thomas joke, that was hilarious.

[14:27] That was solid.

[14:28] The first time the girl goes to visit her mother is kind of a creepy scene.

[14:32] There's a real tension in the air because you don't know yet how shitty the movie's going

[14:35] to be and that it's not going to pay off this tension.

[14:39] And the shot of her showing, you know, the inside of her lip where there's a cross carved

[14:43] is kind of a gross, creepy moment.

[14:46] But otherwise, there's not a lot going on in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[14:48] It's like, there's so little in this movie.

[14:51] It's kind of amazing that it's a movie that exists and got made.

[14:54] And not a pamphlet?

[14:56] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[14:56] I mean, if it was a pamphlet, we probably wouldn't be reviewing it.

Elliott Kalan

[15:00] No, that would be for our pamphlet cast.

[15:01] It was also called the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[15:05] Weird.

[15:05] It was put out by the Paranormal Activity production company, right?

[15:10] Like the same producers?

[15:12] It's the same sort of shit.

[15:12] I don't know if they made it, though.

[15:14] No, I mean, I know.

[15:15] But I think that they thought they could capitalize on it.

[15:17] So maybe that's how they thought that they could put out a movie with so little plot and

[15:21] it's still going to be okay.

Elliott Kalan

[15:22] Here's how you know this movie has nothing.

[15:25] The cover of the DVD, which was also one of the posters, is a nun with no pupils and it

[15:31] looks like she's been possessed.

[15:33] That image of that nun with no pupils occurs for about ten twelfths of a second as the main

[15:39] character is walking along a bridge and there's a group of nuns and one turns to look at

[15:43] her and she's got no pupils.

[15:44] I mean, I think they're like cataracts or something.

Stuart Wellington

[15:46] Yeah, I think she's just blind.

Elliott Kalan

[15:47] But it's...

[15:48] That never comes back, but it's the main image on the cover.

Stuart Wellington

[15:52] I mean, you assume that she also has a devil inside, right?

[15:55] Well, according to InXS, I think we all have a devil inside.

Dan McCoy

[15:59] Every single one of us has a devil inside.

[16:01] Mine is a Tasmanian devil.

[16:04] Mine's like the Trappie's red devil from the hot sauce.

Elliott Kalan

[16:07] I thought it was the red devil paints devil.

[16:11] So is it Stuart?

Stuart Wellington

[16:11] No, I got one of those contortionist devils.

[16:14] Oh, that's too bad.

[16:15] So I'm going to go practice, I guess.

Elliott Kalan

[16:17] Yeah, you have a Jim Rose Circus of Freaks performance later?

[16:22] Oh, man.

[16:23] So that's the whole movie.

[16:25] It's the whole film.

[16:26] And it is a very poorly made movie.

[16:30] I mean...

[16:31] I mean, it's a documentary.

[16:32] They did it in Italy.

[16:33] They did make it in Italy, but for some reason, it means the first thing you think is,

[16:37] huh, I guess most of the budget went to their tickets to get to Italy.

[16:40] Because it's not...

Stuart Wellington

[16:41] Why did they take her to Italy?

[16:43] Is that part of the mysteries?

Elliott Kalan

[16:45] And they're trying to make it more exotic and more Satan-y by putting it near the Vatican.

[16:51] You'd wonder why the devil is hanging out...

[16:53] Why so many demons are hanging out near the Vatican.

[16:54] Well, that reminds me...

[16:55] Like, there was a thing in the beginning.

[16:56] Go somewhere else.

[16:57] Go to Japan.

[16:58] Yeah, they would have no idea what to do.

[17:00] Come on.

[17:00] They just think you're a regular Japanese demon.

Dan McCoy

[17:03] There was a disclaimer at the beginning of this movie that...

[17:06] They're like, oh, and Oni Baba.

[17:07] Great.

[17:08] Whatever.

[17:08] Yeah.

[17:09] That was like, you know, like the Vatican had nothing to do with this movie.

[17:12] He doesn't approve of it or whatever.

[17:14] And I kind of feel like if I were in charge of Catholicism, which I guess that means I was

[17:20] the Pope.

[17:20] Okay.

[17:21] Yeah.

[17:22] I would not...

Elliott Kalan

[17:22] Yeah, I guess that's who's in charge.

Dan McCoy

[17:24] I would not discourage this sort of thing.

[17:27] Like, if...

[17:27] I'm willing to bet...

[17:28] If everyone thought that, like, that mine was the most awesome religion because we had

[17:33] supernatural powers that could, like, protect you from demons and stuff.

[17:37] Like, I would not discourage that thought of people.

Elliott Kalan

[17:40] I'm willing to bet the Vatican didn't make an official ruling on this movie.

[17:43] I think they probably just said that.

Dan McCoy

[17:45] Yeah, you don't think that...

[17:46] You don't think the Pope screamed this?

[17:47] Just like how...

[17:48] Not for me.

[17:49] Just like how far...

Elliott Kalan

[17:50] It's not my kind of thing.

[17:53] I know I'm a German, but I talk like this because I'm in Italy.

Dan McCoy

[17:57] When you become a Pope, you automatically start talking like this.

[18:01] I'm more likely than John Apatow comedies.

Elliott Kalan

[18:03] They say they're gross, but they got a heart.

[18:06] Mama Mia.

[18:07] Pizza pies.

[18:08] That's what he's saying all the time, yeah.

[18:10] Cowabunga, party dude.

Dan McCoy

[18:13] I'm good.

[18:14] I'm funny.

Elliott Kalan

[18:15] Don't have a cow, man.

[18:16] That kind of stuff.

[18:17] That's the Pope for you.

[18:19] Did I do that?

[18:20] Got any cheese?

[18:22] Yeah, baby.

[18:24] That's your Pope right there.

Dan McCoy

[18:28] You know, when I was in Italy, we did have a tour guide who would say Mama Mia a lot,

[18:35] but it was very clear.

[18:36] It was just like, okay, well, he's doing this to pander to us.

Elliott Kalan

[18:38] When you were in Italy, did you get possessed by a demon?

Dan McCoy

[18:41] I did.

Elliott Kalan

[18:42] Because according to this movie, there's just devils running around.

Dan McCoy

[18:44] The thing is, they can't leave Italy, so once I just got on the plane, it just left my body.

[18:48] Oh, I see.

[18:49] That's the thing.

[18:49] What did it feel like when you had the devil inside you?

[18:52] Kind of warm.

[18:53] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[18:54] So net positive then.

[18:56] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[18:57] Well, I run kind of hot anyway, so I mean, it was 99 degrees in Italy.

Elliott Kalan

[19:01] Oof, in the shade.

[19:02] Yikes.

[19:02] So here's the thing about the movie.

[19:04] It's not a bad concept because the idea is that these two priests are performing unauthorized exorcisms.

[19:11] Black market exorcisms.

[19:12] Black market exorcisms, which is a great premise.

[19:14] They use a combination of medicine and scientific equipment and supernatural stuff, which is basically Ghostbusters.

[19:22] A little bit of Constantine thrown in there.

[19:23] A little bit of Constantine, a little bit of Ghostbusting.

[19:26] And that's, again, not a bad premise, but they do it so poorly.

[19:29] The characters are so thin and unlikable and shrill and just off-putting.

[19:34] And the story is not – there's no progression of the story or anything.

[19:37] There's no, like, clues or anything like that.

Dan McCoy

[19:41] We tried to do a little research on this movie online while watching.

Elliott Kalan

[19:45] And I'm reading – I have this book, The Necronomicon.

[19:47] Let me read to you from it.

[19:49] Fatang Ralea – no, Dan, don't.

[19:51] No, it's so bad.

Dan McCoy

[19:52] You opened a portal.

[19:53] Don't worry.

[19:53] I got the words to shut it down.

[19:56] Klaatu Barate.

[19:56] No.

Elliott Kalan

[19:57] Well, actually, those are – depends on what movie, whether those are good or bad.

Dan McCoy

[20:00] Why are you interrupting him?

[20:03] Why are you interrupting him?

[20:05] Klaatu Barate.

[20:07] Necktie.

[20:08] Yep, that's what he says in the movie.

[20:10] So you were doing some research?

[20:12] No, I just –

[20:13] Some she-search?

[20:14] I couldn't find a lot of it online.

Elliott Kalan

[20:17] It's because you were looking at Mr. Skin.

[20:19] Yeah.

[20:21] I turned to my first movie database source, Mr. Skin.

[20:24] It wasn't there.

[20:25] So I went to Celebrity Movie Archive.

[20:27] So I went to Nude Skins.

[20:29] Nitro Video.

Dan McCoy

[20:32] The thing about – like, I assumed –

Elliott Kalan

[20:34] Eventually, I ran out of porn sites that collect nude scenes from movies.

Dan McCoy

[20:37] I assumed that why the character development was so bad in this movie was that the actors were improvising all of it.

[20:46] But I could not find any confirmation of that online.

[20:48] Like an episode of Curb?

[20:51] Yes.

[20:52] But with unskilled improvisers.

Elliott Kalan

[20:54] Well, I mean, it could have been done like that.

[20:56] That's the way Blair Witch was done.

[20:59] And I don't know if Paranormal Activity was done the same way.

[21:02] But it was also – so it didn't feel improvised to me.

[21:07] It felt poorly written.

Dan McCoy

[21:09] I just – like, whenever they started, like, saying something about another character that we had never seen before,

[21:16] to me, it just felt like an actor reaching for something.

[21:18] Like, what can I complain about this person?

[21:20] I'm going to make up this thing.

Stuart Wellington

[21:22] It's possible that it was a mixture of the two.

[21:24] Like, it's possible that they had to throw in some exposition shit so that it ties it together

[21:29] and has some kind of, like – some kind of a mythos that they're trying to use,

[21:33] like referencing the classroom, the exorcism class, of course,

[21:37] which is exactly like all the college classes I ever took.

[21:40] Well, that's an interesting thing to talk about.

Dan McCoy

[21:42] Like, early on in the movie, we're led to believe, I guess,

[21:45] that the Catholic Church doesn't want to talk about exorcism.

[21:49] And then she just walks into –

[21:51] With a camera.

[21:52] With a camera, yeah.

[21:53] Into a –

[21:53] Like a classroom.

[21:54] Into the apostolic school.

Elliott Kalan

[21:55] Yeah.

[21:56] And then into just a classroom where there's an exorcism class going on.

Stuart Wellington

[21:59] Mm-hmm.

[22:00] And the first thing the teacher is – priest, I'm guessing, is talking about is –

[22:04] Well, he did have a clerical collar.

[22:06] So I think I guessed correctly.

[22:09] He's like, oh, so there – in this case, there's multiple demons.

[22:12] Like, I don't know.

[22:13] That would be awesome if I was in that class.

Elliott Kalan

[22:15] I want to talk about multiple demons all the time.

[22:16] Yeah, that would be an awesome class.

[22:17] It's not real, though.

[22:19] But here's my – here's maybe my guess as to why there are a lot of scenes that seem

[22:26] to refer to behavior we haven't seen yet.

[22:29] You don't usually set out to make a movie that's 83 minutes long.

[22:32] I'm guessing they realized they had a super turd on their hands and chopped a lot of material

[22:36] out of this movie so that it was mostly scares with a little bit of filler in between.

[22:41] That's my guess.

[22:42] Yeah.

[22:43] Maybe it's not true.

[22:44] I hope the producers of –

Stuart Wellington

[22:44] Maybe they edited a whole bunch of super scares out.

[22:47] Maybe it was too hot for TV.

[22:49] Oh, it was too scary.

[22:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:49] It was like the film in the Cigarette Burns episode of Masters of Horror.

[22:53] It was so scary you just couldn't watch it.

[22:54] It melts your brain.

[22:55] Yeah.

[22:56] It makes you put your intestines into a machine like Udo Kier does.

[22:59] Sure.

Dan McCoy

[22:59] Entrails through that machine.

Elliott Kalan

[23:01] Through the projector.

[23:02] I made my own movie.

[23:04] Like, Udo, we're not even filming at this point.

[23:06] What are you doing here, buddy?

[23:09] And the film seemed to be of them capturing an angel and cutting his wings off, right?

[23:12] Which is not that scary.

Stuart Wellington

[23:14] Yeah.

[23:14] I mean, it seemed pretty normal.

[23:16] Yeah.

[23:16] I've seen – I watch movies like that all the time.

[23:19] Mm-hmm.

[23:20] I mean, that's your fetish, though.

[23:22] What?

[23:22] Angel de-winging?

[23:24] Yeah.

[23:25] That's what it's called, right?

Elliott Kalan

[23:25] Yeah.

[23:26] Wing taken.

[23:27] Wingectomy.

Stuart Wellington

[23:28] Fall of Angels.

[23:29] Fall of Angels 2.

[23:30] Angels.

[23:31] Stripper by day.

[23:32] Hooker by night.

[23:33] Something like that.

Dan McCoy

[23:33] Stripper by day, hooker by night.

[23:35] Yeah.

[23:35] That fetish is very hard on your wife.

[23:37] Angels in the outfield.

[23:37] It takes a long time for her to put those wings, those fake wings on.

[23:41] Yep.

[23:41] And then you gotta carve those things off.

[23:43] Here's –

[23:44] With the blood squirting.

Elliott Kalan

[23:45] This is a weird tangent.

[23:46] Wait.

[23:46] What are we talking about?

[23:47] I'm not sure.

[23:48] Here's the thing about the movie.

[23:49] Yeah.

[23:49] It can't seem to make up its mind whether exorcisms are officially recognized or not

[23:55] or, like, how public they are, how real priests think they are.

[24:00] Like, it would be – it would have been great if it set up some doubt earlier in the movie.

[24:05] It's a horror movie.

[24:06] You know there's going to be an exorcism in it that's real.

[24:09] Otherwise, it would be an even bigger anticlimax.

[24:11] But even if the characters seem to buy into the idea of exorcisms almost immediately, which

[24:16] seems unrealistic to me at least as a 21st century human being living in America.

Stuart Wellington

[24:22] Yeah.

[24:23] I think a big problem with the movie is that at least for us, intellectually, we're not

[24:27] going to buy the scares.

[24:29] Not right away.

[24:29] It's intellectually scary for us.

Elliott Kalan

[24:30] It has to build that through mood, and it doesn't have that mood.

[24:34] So it's – like, in my head, I don't believe in exorcisms or the devil.

[24:40] But, you know, if the movie had a good mood –

[24:42] Getting your penis.

[24:44] You believe.

[24:44] I'm not sure.

[24:45] I'm willing to go either way.

[24:46] I'm on the fence.

[24:47] Yeah.

[24:48] But it just doesn't build that atmosphere.

Stuart Wellington

[24:50] Yeah.

[24:50] It doesn't allow you to get out of your head and just kind of have a gut reaction to it.

Elliott Kalan

[24:56] Exactly.

[24:57] Yeah.

[24:57] The scares don't give you that visceral level.

[25:00] And again, like, there's some okay moments in the scares, but they're not like scary moments.

Stuart Wellington

[25:05] It was mainly just cool contortionist moments.

Elliott Kalan

[25:08] Yeah.

[25:08] Cool.

[25:08] If this was a 40-minute video of what a contortionist can do, it would be a better movie.

[25:14] And I'll tell you what.

[25:15] If that contortionist was not bleeding from the crotch, even better.

[25:20] You know what?

[25:21] I'd say – I think I'd enjoy her contortionist act more if, unlike in this movie, there was not a river of blood flowing through her pants.

Stuart Wellington

[25:28] See, that's the problem.

[25:29] When she signed a contract with the devil that gave her her contortionist abilities, that's –

[25:35] Yeah.

[25:35] That was a trade-off.

[25:36] Well, then I would just recommend a thicker pad.

[25:38] Okay.

[25:40] So I guess we'll talk about that on a completely different podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[25:43] Our tampon review podcast.

Stuart Wellington

[25:45] Yeah.

[25:45] I feel like –

[25:45] The applicator pass.

Dan McCoy

[25:48] We're ahead of schedule, but I feel like there's so little to say about this movie that I –

Elliott Kalan

[25:53] I want to apologize to you, Dan.

[25:55] Yeah.

[25:55] Because you seem so excited to see this movie for Shocktober, and yet there's so little in it.

[25:59] I want to apologize to you on behalf of the producers of The Devil Inside, who I don't even know.

[26:04] Okay.

[26:04] And I hope the listeners, they can send you a check for a million dollars, of which I want half.

Dan McCoy

[26:08] Look, I just – if they just send a check for the $30 that was spent in procuring this bill.

[26:15] Hey, don't undernegotiate yourself.

[26:16] I think Elliot paid for half of that.

Elliott Kalan

[26:17] Would you keep the whole thing?

[26:19] I did.

[26:19] I don't know.

[26:20] Actually, this is the most exciting thing that happened all night after Dan's long trek and mission to get the tech up.

[26:26] Yeah, literally like an hour and a half spent.

[26:28] The most exciting thing was when Dan said, well, I'm not going to pay again for this movie.

[26:32] So I said, you know what, Dan?

[26:34] I'll pay for it.

[26:34] I gave him $20.

[26:36] He gave me three ones, but he owes me a dollar.

[26:39] And then – so I said, that's okay.

[26:40] You just owe me one more dollar.

[26:42] Stuart said, I'll buy Dan's mark from you.

[26:45] And the piece of paper on which I had written, Dan owes me a dollar, Stuart paid me a dollar for.

Dan McCoy

[26:49] And that paper is currently resting in my pocket.

[26:52] I hope you understand, Stuart.

[26:53] There is no interest on this.

[26:57] The VIG is pretty high.

[26:58] The VIG is very high.

[27:00] No.

Stuart Wellington

[27:00] It's just that feeling of knowing that I can hold that over your head.

Dan McCoy

[27:04] I mean, I can get rid of it any time.

Elliott Kalan

[27:05] I have an issue of – now I imagine Dan –

Dan McCoy

[27:08] I have four quarters in that –

[27:11] Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Elliott Kalan

[27:11] I want paper money.

[27:12] Okay.

[27:13] I imagine Dan going to buy an ice cream cone from a truck and handing over the dollar bill

[27:17] and sort of going, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, and then handing in the paper and taking the dollar bill.

[27:21] And Dan walking away sad.

Stuart Wellington

[27:23] He can't afford an ice cream cone now.

[27:27] Do I – wait, can I also get an ice cream?

[27:29] Oh, of course, it's your dollar now.

[27:30] Yeah, I mean, I'm clearly wealthy.

[27:32] Well, with that –

[27:34] Or you pay for the ice cream with the mark.

[27:37] Oh, wow, so that guy.

Elliott Kalan

[27:38] So now the ice cream man is owed.

[27:39] Luigi, the ice cream man.

[27:41] Dan, you're going to want to buy that thing back.

[27:42] You're not going to want – you don't know who this thing could fall into the hands of.

Dan McCoy

[27:46] With that horrific scenario ringing in the listeners' ears,

[27:50] we should move on to our final judgments about the devil inside.

[27:55] I almost called it the last exorcism.

[27:56] I keep saying that.

[27:57] The other found footage exorcism movie.

Elliott Kalan

[28:00] Which I assume was better.

[28:01] It had to have been.

[28:01] It's better.

Dan McCoy

[28:02] It was a better movie.

[28:02] I saw that one.

[28:03] Yeah, okay.

Elliott Kalan

[28:04] So exorcisms, is that a thing among you Christians?

[28:07] Like, is that a thing you guys believe in?

Dan McCoy

[28:08] No, that's – like, it's not – like, Protestants, that is not a thing.

[28:11] That's why I was saying –

Elliott Kalan

[28:12] So what do Protestants do when you get a demon inside you?

Dan McCoy

[28:14] We don't.

[28:14] We don't do it.

[28:15] I mean –

[28:15] Dance it out.

[28:18] I think we tend to –

Elliott Kalan

[28:20] Honey, I don't want to go out again tonight, but there's a demon inside me.

[28:24] I got a boogie.

Dan McCoy

[28:25] Yep, swing dancing, I guess, in this case.

[28:27] It's a lot of emotional repression and casseroles, if I recall.

Elliott Kalan

[28:31] So it's really your inner demons.

[28:32] Yeah.

[28:33] And casseroles.

Dan McCoy

[28:34] Yeah, you smother it with casseroles.

Elliott Kalan

[28:36] Because I got to say, the worst that I have to look forward to as a Jew is maybe a Dybbuk, like, haunting me a little bit.

[28:42] Hey, no more Dybbuk talk around here.

[28:45] Sorry.

Stuart Wellington

[28:45] Stuart has to sleep tonight.

[28:47] I don't want to get spooked out of my gourd.

Elliott Kalan

[28:50] Never get to bed if I'm thinking about Dybbuk's floating around, unable to interact with the physical world.

[28:58] It's horrible.

[29:00] Anyway, Dan, final judgments?

[29:01] Is it scarily awful?

[29:04] No, no, no.

[29:04] Is it spookily funny?

[29:06] No.

[29:06] Or is it...

[29:07] Frighteningly kind of good?

[29:08] Hauntingly okay.

[29:10] So...

[29:11] Is it ghostly satisfactory?

[29:14] Or is it horrifically four out of ten?

Dan McCoy

[29:17] Was this movie totally scarifying?

[29:21] Okay.

[29:23] Frighteningly funny?

[29:24] Or totally snorifying?

[29:26] Which is the good one.

[29:28] Totally scarifying is the good one.

[29:30] I'll pick that one, then.

Stuart Wellington

[29:32] No.

[29:33] No, I'm just kidding.

[29:33] I'm fucking with you guys.

Elliott Kalan

[29:34] This is a snorifying movie.

Stuart Wellington

[29:36] Yeah, I think we can all agree it's snorifying.

Elliott Kalan

[29:38] Yeah, let's just make a pact.

[29:40] This is snorifying, and the last one of us who dies will get the movie.

Dan McCoy

[29:43] Yeah, it's snorifying.

[29:44] I'll say...

[29:44] And the $30.

[29:49] I'll say this for the movie.

[29:50] It had a pretty lady.

[29:52] It had some contortionists.

[29:53] It had an 83-minute run time.

[29:56] Otherwise...

[29:56] That's a recipe for something.

Stuart Wellington

[29:59] So, Flophouse fans, if you're looking to waste 83 minutes of your life, that you're never

[30:04] getting back.

[30:06] And occasionally...

[30:07] But only 83 minutes.

[30:08] Occasionally during that movie, that 83 minutes, you'll see a cute lady.

[30:12] Uh-huh.

[30:12] Which is not something you see in movies often.

[30:14] If you just want to look at stuff on your phone for 83 minutes and have a movie playing

[30:18] in the background, I mean, it'll do, I guess.

[30:21] Then walk, don't run, to pay $15 or $30 for the devil inside.

Elliott Kalan

[30:26] Yeah, you want it in two formats.

[30:30] Oh, yeah, this is a keeper.

[30:31] So, Dan, how long is it going to be before you delete this from your computer?

Dan McCoy

[30:35] The...

[30:37] I mean, I paid for that devil inside.

[30:39] That is...

[30:39] So, forever.

[30:40] Yeah.

[30:40] So, you're going to hold on to it, even though you're never going to watch it.

Elliott Kalan

[30:42] He's going to buy a separate hard drive.

Dan McCoy

[30:44] That's like gold.

[30:45] That's like gold.

[30:45] It'll only appreciate in value.

[30:47] Nope.

[30:47] The devil inside has never been worth zero.

[30:49] It is worth...

Stuart Wellington

[30:50] Which is the complete opposite of our reviews.

[30:53] Oh.

[30:53] Which were...

[30:54] It was bad.

Dan McCoy

[30:54] Oh, I see.

[30:56] Before we move on to our letters, I just want to...

[31:00] Take care of a little business.

[31:02] We call it biz.

[31:03] Keep the lights...

[31:04] To keep the lights on.

[31:05] To keep this podcast running.

[31:06] To keep the home fires burning.

[31:08] I want to...

[31:09] Kick the tires, light the fires.

[31:10] Plug a few things on behalf of our benevolent overlords over there at All Things Comedy.

[31:16] And pals.

[31:17] Yeah, and friends.

[31:18] And pals.

Stuart Wellington

[31:18] I think more business associated with friends.

[31:19] Yeah, we're like a team.

[31:21] Yeah.

[31:22] Like a super team.

Elliott Kalan

[31:23] A team of podcasters just looking to lose it in Tijuana before college.

Dan McCoy

[31:28] For lovers...

[31:29] Not after college.

[31:30] Of...

[31:31] Oh, God, no.

[31:32] For lovers of stand-up comedy, you might enjoy these iTunes comedy album releases from our

[31:37] All Things Comedy Pals.

Elliott Kalan

[31:38] And for lovers of meat, you might like Meat Lovers Pizza.

Dan McCoy

[31:42] You got your Ari Shafir with the album Revenge for the Holocaust.

[31:48] Very, very edgy.

[31:49] And Tom Segura.

[31:51] The album is Girls with Cornrows.

[31:54] Also edgy.

[31:55] Look for those.

[31:56] Available on iTunes.

[31:57] And...

[31:58] Getting good reviews over there.

[32:00] Yeah, check out some of our sister podcasts under the All Things Comedy banner.

[32:06] Flophousina.

[32:06] You got your Bill Burr's Monday Morning Podcast.

[32:10] When's that on?

[32:11] I assume Monday morning.

[32:13] I guess it's a pod...

[32:14] It's on the internet, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[32:15] It's a podcast.

[32:16] It's on all the time.

Dan McCoy

[32:18] You also got your Harland Highway, hosted by Mr. Harland Williams.

Elliott Kalan

[32:22] I saw him perform at the Montreal Comedy Festival about 11 years ago.

[32:27] Mm-hmm.

[32:28] 10, 11 years ago.

[32:29] And he was very funny and then disgusting and then funny.

[32:32] He told the most audience displeasing joke I think I've ever seen and then won the audience back.

[32:41] I was amazed.

[32:42] That sounds pretty amazing.

[32:43] I was amazed.

[32:44] I'm not going to tell the joke because it was horrible.

[32:46] But it was just offensive in every way.

[32:49] You were making me love this man.

[32:50] But then he won us back and I didn't think it could be done.

[32:53] And this was late at night.

[32:54] We wanted to go home.

[32:55] We were tired.

[32:56] And yet he kept going and he won us back.

[32:58] All right.

[32:59] Even my mom thought it was funny.

Dan McCoy

[33:01] So those are just two of the great podcasts you can find over at allthankscomedy.com.

[33:08] But now we turn to our letters segment.

[33:10] The Flophouse movie mailbag.

[33:13] Yep.

[33:13] The movie mailbag.

[33:14] We call it.

[33:15] The first letter.

Elliott Kalan

[33:16] This is where we get to hear from you, the flop fans.

[33:18] Mm-hmm.

[33:18] In the form of letters in a movie mailbag, we call it.

[33:22] Sometimes Elliot's brother just sends in a letter.

[33:24] Talking about sports or shit.

[33:26] Sometimes I sing a song, but I won't this time.

[33:29] Because of the one iTunes review that said it stopped listening because of the, quote, songs about letters.

Dan McCoy

[33:35] If that was the one reason, then.

[33:37] Well, also I'm tired.

[33:38] Okay.

[33:40] This letter is from Seth, last name withheld.

[33:43] Rogan.

[33:43] It's titled, Stop stealing my voice, Stuart.

[33:47] It's titled, Stuart is a gang member.

[33:50] Oh, weird.

Stuart Wellington

[33:51] Oh, mystery.

[33:54] It sounds like one for the Flophouse Mystery Club.

Dan McCoy

[33:57] To the mystery band.

[33:59] This is, it says, Steers Floppers.

[34:03] It was with horror that I recently read of the report generated by the FBI's organized crime task force declaring Juggalos a gang.

[34:12] Oh, man.

[34:13] Knowing that Stuart identifies as ethnically Juggalo.

[34:17] How has this affected his life?

[34:19] Does he fear for his life when out patrolling his turf?

[34:21] Is he engaging in illegal banana smuggling?

[34:24] Perhaps his disguise might be, perhaps his disguise as a German brewmaster is enough, but I'm worried that Stuart may be in for a long, tough road.

[34:34] Next thing you know, he'll be on a Juggalo reservation.

[34:37] And history books will discuss the dark time known as the Trail of Beers.

[34:43] Your pal, Seth, last name withheld.

[34:44] The Trail of Clowns.

Stuart Wellington

[34:46] Yeah, I mean, it's tough on the Juggalo reservation.

[34:48] They drink Faygo, I believe.

[34:50] Yes.

[34:51] If I recall.

[34:52] There's a lot of Faygo addicts.

[34:53] Fire soda, they call it.

[34:57] And unlike other reservations, there's a lot of methamphetamines.

Elliott Kalan

[35:02] Yeah.

[35:02] What's hardest for the Juggalos is that now as a gang, they're on the FBI's no-meth list, along with everyone else in America, in not being allowed to use meth.

Dan McCoy

[35:11] Oddly enough, the Juggalos are on the FBI's least-wanted list.

[35:16] Sorry, these are your people, Stuart.

[35:17] I apologize.

Stuart Wellington

[35:17] It's okay.

[35:18] I've kind of divorced myself culturally from them, although, once again, ethnically, yeah.

[35:23] Was Shaggy too dope, just too dope for you?

[35:25] Exactly, yeah.

[35:26] And too shaggy?

[35:28] That's the thing.

[35:28] Stuart doesn't like things that are too dope.

[35:29] And what's the other guy's name?

Elliott Kalan

[35:30] Killer Clown Crazy or something?

[35:32] It is.

[35:33] Yeah, I think it's Violent J.

[35:35] Violent J, that's what it is.

[35:37] The J stands for, just kidding.

Dan McCoy

[35:43] Let's go on.

[35:44] This next letter is called Daily Showstoppers.

[35:49] This is an older letter.

[35:50] I think this is about me again, guys.

[35:52] This is an older letter, which will become clearer once I start to read it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:56] So who do you guys think will win in the 2008 election?

[36:00] I mean, it hasn't happened yet.

[36:01] Well, I mean, in the letter it says it.

[36:03] All right.

[36:04] 2008.

[36:05] 2008 election.

[36:06] Forget it, guys.

[36:07] It was a joke.

[36:08] It was, as Stuart might say, a bit.

Stuart Wellington

[36:11] Yeah, it's a bit.

[36:12] Yeah.

[36:12] That's why they pay you the big money over there.

Dan McCoy

[36:15] He says, I wanted to congratulate Dan on his recent appearance on The Daily Show as a Republican

[36:20] undermining the very foundation of democracy by promoting voter fraud.

[36:25] By the way, looking good, Dan.

[36:26] And I'm not just saying that to ensure my letter gets read on the podcast.

[36:29] Yes, you are.

Elliott Kalan

[36:31] I still think Dan wrote that part.

Dan McCoy

[36:33] This appearance gave him even more lines than in his appearance as the singing, dancing Santa Claus.

Elliott Kalan

[36:38] As the most inexplicable joke in Daily Show history.

Dan McCoy

[36:41] In a wrestling leotard.

[36:43] But he goes on to say,

[36:44] That's what that's called.

[36:45] Now that Dan and Hollywood Kalen have had multiple on-air appearances,

[36:50] they both seem destined to become the latest in a long line of Daily Show staffers

[36:54] that have appeared in bad movies, or flops, if you will.

[36:58] Jon Stewart himself voiced a character in Dougal.

[37:00] Jon Oliver played Dick Pants in The Love Guru.

[37:03] Asif Manfi was in The Last Airbender.

[37:05] White Snack was the lead in Beverly Hills Cop Legacy.

[37:09] And of course...

[37:10] I wish that was true.

[37:12] And of course, Al Madrigal starred in the hit film, Lies and Illusions.

[37:15] Yep.

[37:16] What kind of bad movie would you like to star in?

[37:18] And work to become a flop, would you potentially review it on the podcast?

[37:23] Of course, Stewart is included in the question,

[37:24] even though the nudity-based reality series he's going to star in,

[37:28] and will leverage his awesomeness into a movie career,

[37:31] has not yet been created.

[37:33] Yeah, Wormy Shore, it's called.

[37:34] Thanks for all the laughs, and catch you on the flop side.

[37:37] Stefan, last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[37:38] Thanks, Stefan.

[37:39] Well, I know what movie I would want to be in.

[37:40] Theodore Rex 2, Baby Rex.

[37:42] It's a prequel about when Theodore Rex was just a hatchling,

[37:45] and I play his stern babysitter,

[37:47] who else was to team up with him to stop a crime.

Stuart Wellington

[37:49] So you're not actually Theodore Rex.

[37:51] What's that going to be, animatronic?

Elliott Kalan

[37:52] Yeah, like in the movie Theodore Rex.

[37:54] It's a guy in an animatronic suit.

Stuart Wellington

[37:56] Even as a hatchling?

Elliott Kalan

[37:57] So is it going to be like a kid or a midget?

[37:59] It's going to be a full-grown man,

[38:01] and then they're going to use Hobbit technology to shrink him.

[38:04] Oh, okay.

[38:05] He's not just going to be on his knees the whole time.

[38:06] No, it's not Tim.

[38:08] Well, no, it will be,

[38:08] because Tim Conway has Dorf as Theodore Rex.

[38:12] And it's an interesting concept that

[38:13] Tim Conway is not playing Theodore Rex.

[38:15] Dorf is playing Theodore Rex,

[38:17] and Tim Conway is playing Dorf.

[38:19] It's a Matryoshka role.

Dan McCoy

[38:21] I would like to play the wisecracking cop in a 90s Cinemax-style film about a series of stripper killings.

Elliott Kalan

[38:31] Okay.

[38:32] Actually, you know what?

[38:33] I'd rather be in a aughts Cinemax series where it's one of those ones where it's a repackaged movie with scenes from 90s Cinemax shows.

[38:43] Right.

[38:43] So it's a lot of people just sitting around going,

[38:45] I knew this couple once, and they told me the craziest story.

[38:49] And then it just cuts to a sex scene.

[38:50] I wanted to do it.

[38:51] And then when it cuts back, the other people go,

[38:53] wow, that story was hot.

Dan McCoy

[38:56] You say that.

[38:57] I wanted, I have for a long time wanted to do a stand-up bit about that very same thing.

[39:02] Like, what is going on there?

Elliott Kalan

[39:03] What story are they telling?

[39:04] Were they there watching that?

[39:08] No, they always say, they told me about, or they usually say.

Dan McCoy

[39:12] And like, what are they describing when they're like,

[39:15] Yeah, that's what I wonder.

[39:15] Well, the two of them had sex.

Elliott Kalan

[39:17] Okay, first he was on top, but then he was behind her, and then she was on top.

Dan McCoy

[39:24] For a brief time, they were doing reverse cowgirl.

[39:27] But all throughout it, one of them had their hands in front of their genitals,

[39:30] so you couldn't actually see anything.

Stuart Wellington

[39:32] It feels like it was curiously edited down for some reason.

Dan McCoy

[39:35] And where the penis seems like it should be going into the vagina,

[39:38] it seemed like it was actually going into more of like, I don't know, the belly button region?

Elliott Kalan

[39:41] And there was an irritating rock and roll song that I've never heard anywhere else,

[39:45] and never will hear anywhere again.

[39:47] That is a hot story.

[39:50] Why are we talking about sex stories again?

[39:52] I don't remember.

[39:53] Well, time to have sex, I guess.

[39:55] Credits.

Stuart Wellington

[39:56] So, Stuart, what movie would you be in?

[39:58] Well, I would either want to be the guy who's killing all these strippers in dance movies.

[40:04] The house cat killings.

[40:07] Or I would want to be the evil land developer in the Bikini Car Wash sequel.

[40:12] I want to be the guy who has a model made of the Bikini Car Wash,

[40:18] and there's just shots of me smashing it with my hand, with my eyes full of fury.

Elliott Kalan

[40:23] You do realize that you will have to be pushed in a pool eventually.

[40:26] That's fine.

[40:26] Okay.

[40:27] I'm totally comfortable with that.

[40:29] I'll do my own stunt, I think.

[40:31] And at the end, when they've defeated you, you can go like the stunt where they smash their boobs against your head,

[40:36] and you go, bikinis!

Stuart Wellington

[40:39] I howl at an unforgiving God.

Dan McCoy

[40:41] You rage impotently.

[40:43] Yep.

[40:44] All these things.

[40:46] This next letter...

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] It's called the Bikini Games Workshop's company.

Dan McCoy

[40:52] This next letter is from a gentleman by the name of Elliot's brother David, last name withheld.

[41:00] Oh, God.

[41:02] Last name is Kalen.

[41:04] And it's titled, The Truth About Elliot and the Paper Mill Playhouse.

[41:08] Dear my favorite floppers and also my brother.

[41:11] Hey.

[41:12] Initially, I was going to write in regarding pseudo-rapper Chet Hayes.

[41:16] As a member of the Northwestern community, I've been well aware of the excitement and subtle condescending mockery

[41:21] surrounding Hayes among NU alumni.

[41:24] And I was about to lend my personal opinion as resident irritator of the show.

[41:28] Yep.

[41:29] What's more, I was going to avoid mentioning anything about sports,

[41:32] even though with Northwestern football ranked for the first time in the AP poll in four years,

[41:38] and one win away from the first 6-0 start since 1962...

[41:42] All I hear is...

[41:43] I totally could have.

Elliott Kalan

[41:44] It's like a parent on the Peanuts TV show.

[41:46] Bah, bah, bah, bah, bah, bah.

Dan McCoy

[41:47] By the way, I saw Dave recently at your...

[41:52] At a sketch show, right?

[41:53] Your sketch show.

[41:54] And Dave was very dismayed by the thought that his letter would be read at a time where the football stats would be out of date.

Elliott Kalan

[42:04] But anyway...

[42:04] Well, he is my brother.

[42:05] I can understand that.

[42:06] I would feel bad about that.

[42:07] It seemed like a fool to all the guys around the water cooler.

[42:10] To all the Northwestern football fans listening to the Flophouse.

Dan McCoy

[42:13] But Dave continues,

[42:14] I got sidetracked, though, by the fact that during your A Little Bit of Heaven episode,

[42:19] despite constantly expressing frustration whenever I write in,

[42:22] I was mentioned not once, not twice, but three whole times in a span of roughly 20 minutes.

[42:28] How is it that my letters are so disdained...

[42:30] So non-specific.

Elliott Kalan

[42:31] So he's like Candyman.

[42:32] If we mention him three times, he writes in.

[42:34] We've got to remember that, fellas.

[42:36] Let's stop at two mentions.

Dan McCoy

[42:37] How is it my letters are so disdained, and yet you can't help but talk about me all the time?

[42:42] Is it possible that three Emmys aren't enough to convince Elliot that he is no longer standing in my considerably larger shadow?

[42:48] Note.

[42:49] The shadow is mostly larger because I'm three inches taller than he is.

[42:52] That's true.

[42:53] In addition, I really can't approve of Elliot obscuring the truth about his past when discussing his date to see Newsies at the Paper Mill Playhouse.

[43:01] Just why is it that Elliot mentioned Anne Hathaway's history of performing there, but not his own?

[43:05] Is he ashamed of his performance as the mayor of Munchkin Land in the 1991 children's production of Christmas in the Land of Oz?

[43:14] What is he hiding?

[43:15] What do Elliot and the flop stream media not want us to know?

[43:18] Perhaps you can get to the bottom of this instead of distracting the audience with baseless attacks on your self-appointed ombudsman.

[43:26] Sincerely, Elliot's brother.

[43:28] P.S.

[43:28] There's no reason for me to write in regarding orangutans because there are almost no sports team named for primates.

[43:34] England's Hartlepool FC is known as the Monkey Hangers, and Pittsburgh State and Kansas is nicknamed the Gorillas.

Elliott Kalan

[43:40] What about MVP, most valuable primate?

Dan McCoy

[43:41] But aside from that, the basketball-dunking gorilla mascot for the Phoenix Suns is really as close to sports as orangutans get.

Elliott Kalan

[43:49] There was no reason for him to mention that.

[43:51] So, the mayor of Munchkinverse or something?

Dan McCoy

[43:54] Yeah, the mayor of the Munchkinverse.

[43:57] You were the top Munchkin.

Elliott Kalan

[43:59] I remember it now.

[44:00] The reason I didn't mention it before is because I had forgotten it, and I am ashamed of my performance in that.

[44:04] When I was a kid, and my brother and I were both in a paper mill kids-like acting program, and I had what I don't have now, which is…

[44:14] Chops.

Elliott Kalan

[44:15] Well, yeah.

[44:15] Acting chops.

[44:15] I had chops back then.

[44:17] Back then, I had very horrible stage fright and nervousness, and I did not enjoy doing it.

[44:21] It was one of those things where I wanted the joy of performing, but I did not have the confidence that I now have where I can get on a stage and it's like, whatever, I don't care.

[44:29] I'll perform.

[44:29] It's a stage.

[44:30] But back then, I was very nervous.

[44:32] No big deal.

[44:33] And they slowly chipped away at my lines of dialogue throughout rehearsals as I was more and more nervous about performing them.

[44:40] I also remember that the woman running the program, we had a final rehearsal the night before the show where the entire audience would be our family.

[44:48] There was no one.

[44:48] It's not like the local press was sending a reviewer.

[44:52] No one was buying tickets.

[44:53] And I remember we had a rehearsal, and then the woman who ran the program took us out of the room and said, that was the worst performance I've ever seen.

[44:59] And like browbeat us for a while, about how bad we were, how ashamed we were going to be in front of our parents.

[45:05] And I think that combined with my stage fright led me to never do it again.

[45:08] But my brother did do it again and played the part of – it was either a dog or a parrot in a play based on James Thurber's The Twelve Clocks.

[45:16] It was 13 Clocks.

Dan McCoy

[45:17] So it had a happy ending.

[45:20] Kind of, I get for David.

Elliott Kalan

[45:21] That's a great story.

[45:22] But we never performed on the main stage of the Paper Note Playhouse.

Dan McCoy

[45:25] I imagine all of you kids, by the way, like staying up all night to get the first notices the next morning.

Elliott Kalan

[45:31] Yeah, it's Sardi's Jr.

[45:34] Oh, the weekly reader is finally out.

[45:36] They panned us.

[45:38] The pity saver.

Dan McCoy

[45:40] Half off bananas.

[45:44] How dare they.

Elliott Kalan

[45:44] We'll never shop in this town again.

Dan McCoy

[45:48] I've saved the most heartwarming of the letters from last.

Elliott Kalan

[45:51] You mean more heartwarming than my brother's ramblings about primates in this – in Major League Sports?

Dan McCoy

[45:58] More heartwarming than that.

[46:01] This one is from Maggie, last name withheld.

[46:05] The cat.

Stuart Wellington

[46:06] Chicken –

[46:06] Gyllenhaal.

Dan McCoy

[46:07] Maggie Gyllenhaal.

[46:08] It's titled First Flophouse Baby.

[46:12] Okay, that's not entirely true.

[46:13] But now that I have your attention, I am the Flophouse fan responsible for the Happiest Millionaire episode,

[46:19] which I requested while my husband was stationed in Iraq.

[46:22] We remember it well.

[46:22] Thanks again, by the way.

[46:24] He is home safe and sound, and we are expecting our first child in December.

[46:27] I remarked to a friend yesterday that if the baby weighs seven pounds, it will be a race between my husband and me to be the first to ask,

[46:35] did someone say seven pounds?

[46:38] In our best Elliot Kalin voice.

[46:40] Nice.

[46:41] So I guess what I'm saying is, in a very special way, it will be like Elliot, and by extension the entire Flophouse family,

[46:47] is present for the birth of our firstborn.

[46:50] If he's seven pounds.

[46:50] A miraculous December birth indeed.

[46:52] Only in the case.

Elliott Kalan

[46:54] Oh, and December is when my birthday is.

[46:56] Yeah.

[46:56] Another Elliot Kalin connection.

[46:58] Conspiracy, perhaps?

[46:59] Or maybe you're possessing that baby.

[47:02] Well, there's only one thing to do, get two underground priests to totally screw it up.

Stuart Wellington

[47:06] Wait, did this movie have something to do with people being born at the same time as a demon?

[47:09] No.

[47:10] Then why did he just say that?

[47:11] I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[47:12] That is delightful and heartwarming, and congratulations ahead of time on your upcoming bundle of joy.

[47:19] We're happy that, I assume the Flophouse made it possible by adding that extra spice to the relationship on a very special night.

[47:25] The happiest millionaire spice.

[47:26] I assume that our discussion of the three-hour Disney musical, The Happiest Millionaire, is what led to...

[47:33] It's the boxing alligators, right?

[47:35] Yeah, the one where he boxes alligators, yeah.

Dan McCoy

[47:36] Some people put on a little Marvin Gaye.

[47:38] Two of them put on the happiest millionaire episode.

Elliott Kalan

[47:41] Yep, they put on that song about how great Detroit is.

[47:43] I assume.

[47:45] I mean, I think it was a pretty sexy episode.

[47:49] Well, Stuart did it entirely naked.

[47:51] Always.

[47:52] And Dan did it wearing Stuart's clothes on top of his regular clothes.

Stuart Wellington

[47:56] So he can get my scent on him before I then tackle him and we wrestle him off.

[48:02] But that's going to happen later.

Dan McCoy

[48:03] But that is...

[48:04] Congratulations and mazel tov.

Stuart Wellington

[48:07] That's pretty impressive.

Dan McCoy

[48:09] Stuart, come on.

[48:11] What?

[48:11] Malt that icy heart.

Elliott Kalan

[48:12] Okay, you're right.

Dan McCoy

[48:14] So that was pretty heartwarming.

Elliott Kalan

[48:15] Stuart's not a fan of sex that's used for procreation.

[48:18] Exactly.

Dan McCoy

[48:19] Yeah.

[48:19] He only likes it if it's for pleasure.

[48:21] Hedonistic pleasure.

[48:23] For at least one party.

[48:26] So guys, that was a nice Shocktober later segment.

Elliott Kalan

[48:31] It was.

[48:32] Are we done with the episode all of a sudden?

[48:33] You're using your end of the episode voice.

Dan McCoy

[48:35] Well, I just feel sad.

[48:36] Every new segment gets us closer to the end of Shocktober.

Elliott Kalan

[48:40] We can make Shocktober last longer if we want.

[48:42] Yeah, I mean, it's not like we'll get...

Dan McCoy

[48:43] Shocktober magic doesn't transfer in other months.

Elliott Kalan

[48:46] Shocktober ends earlier every year.

[48:48] It's almost flop-sever.

Stuart Wellington

[48:48] We have all these other movies to watch, like Abduction.

Elliott Kalan

[48:52] And the Vampire Hunter movie about the president that I like.

[48:55] Some other Shocktober movies.

[48:56] Who cares?

Dan McCoy

[48:59] Eventually we'll watch Oogie Loves.

[49:01] Oh, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[49:01] So guys, what's your favorite memory about Shocktober?

[49:05] Well, wait.

[49:06] What did we watch the time before this?

[49:08] The Raven.

[49:10] I like that more than this one.

[49:11] Okay, me too.

Dan McCoy

[49:15] My favorite memory was the Shocktober miracle of you guys not getting super angry at me

[49:22] when it took an hour and a half to get the film.

[49:26] I thought it was the other way around.

Stuart Wellington

[49:27] You're the one who got angry.

[49:28] You were...

[49:28] We were silently trying to eat our food.

[49:30] It was like you were possessed by a demon.

Elliott Kalan

[49:32] I didn't accuse you.

[49:33] A dybbuk.

Dan McCoy

[49:34] I did not accuse you of being angry.

[49:35] I said that it was nice that you didn't get...

[49:37] Well, how could...

Elliott Kalan

[49:38] We were so scared of you and your possession.

[49:39] We were terrified.

[49:40] As when I thought you were done on the phone,

[49:43] and when I walked into the room, I said,

[49:44] Hey, what else is new?

[49:45] And you went, Stop it.

[49:48] And it was like...

Dan McCoy

[49:49] Okay, I'm just going to sit down and don't say anything.

[49:51] I was receiving a long stream of letters and numbers from the person on the phone.

[49:57] Like 20 letters and numbers in a row.

[49:59] That is my password.

[50:00] Yeah, from Time Warner Cable.

[50:02] The worst cable company there is.

[50:03] But Dan...

[50:03] I was like, Can we make this password shorter?

[50:05] And they're like, No, we cannot.

[50:07] It's going to be a completely long stream of random numbers.

[50:11] Just for that, it's 10 more numbers.

Stuart Wellington

[50:14] But the thing is, Dan, you have to understand,

[50:16] it's really hard for Elliot and I to silently sit anywhere

[50:19] and not just yabber about bullshit.

Dan McCoy

[50:21] Yeah, it's what we like to do.

[50:22] That was the miracle, guys.

[50:23] And I appreciate it.

Stuart Wellington

[50:24] The Shocktober miracle.

[50:26] So, anywho...

[50:28] Anywho...

Dan McCoy

[50:28] This is the part of the podcast

[50:31] where we talk about movies that we saw that we actually enjoyed.

[50:35] Recommendations, we call them.

[50:36] Okay.

[50:36] That's what they are.

Elliott Kalan

[50:38] Because that's what that word means.

[50:39] Yep.

[50:40] Because we are re-commending something.

[50:43] Anyone raring to go?

Stuart Wellington

[50:45] Well, you guys know that I'm totally into stuff from Japan, right?

[50:50] I guess.

[50:52] I am the ultimate otaku.

[50:56] Otaku bot?

[50:57] What are you doing here?

[50:58] I'm back from Otakon wearing my Pikachu-style spirit hood.

[51:04] So, with that in mind,

[51:06] I would like to recommend a little movie called Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

[51:09] Hmm.

[51:11] A documentary about an expensive sushi restaurant in a subway.

[51:16] If you're way into food porn like Dan...

Elliott Kalan

[51:19] If you take the word food out...

Stuart Wellington

[51:22] No, but Dan's always posting pictures of food on the Facebook.

[51:25] That's true.

[51:26] Like, all the time.

[51:27] Like, constantly.

[51:28] So, if you like seeing pictures of delicious food you can't eat,

[51:31] watch Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

[51:33] If you like seeing an old Japanese guy who kind of looks like a turtle

[51:36] look disapprovingly at people eating sushi,

[51:38] watch Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

[51:40] If you want to see a telling commentary on the state of the Japanese tuna

[51:45] fishing industry, see Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

[51:48] What if I want to see some outer space battles?

[51:50] Then see Locked Out.

[51:51] Yes, see Space Jam.

Elliott Kalan

[51:55] So, Jiro Dreams of Sushi.

[51:57] Elliot.

[51:58] Is it my turn now, already?

[52:00] Yeah.

[52:00] Oh, boy.

[52:01] I haven't seen anything lately that I really loved.

[52:04] I just finished watching earlier a movie called Terror in a Texas Town,

[52:08] which was a western with Sterling Hayden.

[52:10] Terror of Tiny Town?

[52:11] No.

[52:12] Terror in a Texas Town.

[52:13] It started out very good, but it eventually settles into kind of a very formulaic story.

[52:18] So, it's not bad.

[52:19] It's an 80-minute western, so it doesn't take a lot of time.

[52:22] So, if you like westerns, I'd recommend that, Terror in a Texas Town.

[52:25] But for Shocktober scariness, I think I'll recommend a lesser John Carpenter film that I saw recently for the first time,

[52:33] after putting it off for a long time, One Prince of Darkness.

[52:35] Yeah.

[52:36] Which is not one of his top tier movies, but still very entertaining.

[52:39] And in a weird way, kind of scarier because the characters seem so flat and weird,

[52:46] and you don't form an emotional connection with them.

[52:49] So, it's almost like...

[52:50] It's phantasmagoric.

[52:52] Kind of.

[52:53] But almost like...

Dan McCoy

[52:53] Well, that's a horror movie where a lot of stuff doesn't make sense, but that works to its advantage.

Elliott Kalan

[52:58] It's a movie that has a lot of crazy ideas running around in it that are fun,

[53:02] and the characters always seem a little bit removed from you, so it adds to the weirdness of it.

[53:07] Yeah.

[53:08] And it's also a movie that really extends the opening credits.

[53:11] The opening credits are interspersed with the first scenes of the movie.

[53:14] So, John Carpenter's director's credit comes ten minutes into the film,

[53:19] and it starts right away with the credits.

[53:21] It's not like there's a credit sequence later on.

[53:23] But there's some good scares and some gore effects.

Dan McCoy

[53:26] If you want to see Alice Cooper kill a guy with a bicycle, then this is your best chance.

[53:30] Yep.

Elliott Kalan

[53:30] Actually, the Alice Cooper stuff was kind of lame, but all the other stuff was pretty neat.

[53:35] And there's some neat mirror effects and...

[53:38] Mirrors?

[53:39] There's a...

[53:40] And there's a...

[53:41] Wait, what?

[53:41] Actually, a great use of VHS video stock within a film.

[53:47] So, there's some neat visual and technical things going on in it.

[53:53] So, it's not an amazing movie, but I liked it, and it's spooky.

[53:56] Prince of Darkness.

[53:57] Rated R.

[53:59] Is playing at...

[54:00] Your house.

[54:02] If you watch it.

Dan McCoy

[54:05] I watched a movie that...

[54:06] The movie that I saw recently that I enjoyed is one that needs no introduction nor endorsement.

Elliott Kalan

[54:15] A robicide?

[54:15] Which was...

Dan McCoy

[54:16] Which was Jaws.

[54:18] I...

[54:19] My lovely wife for my wedding anniversary.

[54:22] Now, Jaws.

Stuart Wellington

[54:23] Is that the movie about the critters from outer space?

[54:28] No, it's called Critters.

[54:29] Is it the movie about the gremlins?

[54:31] That's called Gremlins.

[54:31] Is it the movie about the munchies?

Dan McCoy

[54:33] That's called Munchies.

Stuart Wellington

[54:35] Is it about that James Bond guy fighting that guy with the metal teeth?

Dan McCoy

[54:38] Well, the metal teeth one?

[54:42] That's...

[54:43] There's a couple of ones.

[54:44] Well, Moonraker is the main one.

[54:45] Moonraker?

[54:46] No, but it was...

[54:47] That's the one with the pigeon doing the double take.

Elliott Kalan

[54:49] Is it the movie about the Night of the Creeps?

[54:52] That's the Night of the Creeps.

[54:53] Is it the movie where the living dead return?

Dan McCoy

[54:55] That's Return of the Living Dead.

[54:56] But anyway...

Elliott Kalan

[54:57] Is that the one where the Jedi return?

[54:59] No.

Dan McCoy

[55:00] The movie Jaws...

Elliott Kalan

[55:01] Is it the one where the adventure begins with Remo Williams?

Dan McCoy

[55:06] My wife gave me the Blu-ray of Jaws, and we re-watched it, and it should surprise

[55:11] no one that it holds up beautifully, and it's a beautiful Blu-ray.

[55:15] But we also watched the new documentary that's included with it, titled The Shark is Still

[55:21] Working, and I learned a lot of interesting things about Jaws, like how much of the script

[55:26] was improvised, how many of the bit parts in the movie.

[55:30] Pretty much everyone who was not a major actor was just someone from Martha's Vineyard.

[55:37] That Spielberg was like...

[55:39] You know, like early Spielberg was a lot more experimental, I feel like, in his filmmaking.

[55:44] He was a lot more 70s.

[55:46] Yeah, and he's just like...

[55:47] A lot more new Hollywood.

[55:48] Yeah, I'm just gonna invade Martha's Vineyard and give everyone a part in this movie, and

[55:52] that's part of why Jaws has such a lived-in feeling.

[55:55] Like, it feels like something that's actually taking place in this vacation community.

[56:00] And there's a lot of interesting facts in that documentary.

[56:04] There's also a lot of just, like, people standing around talking about Jaws.

[56:10] Like, I didn't really need to know that Kevin Smith and M. Night Shyamalan like Jaws.

[56:16] Like, whatever.

[56:16] Wait, they like Jaws?

[56:17] I know it's a good movie without them saying it's a good movie, but...

Elliott Kalan

[56:20] Is Jaws the religion where they don't eat pork and they have the Torah?

[56:25] Yes.

Dan McCoy

[56:26] You, I think, are thinking of Islam.

Stuart Wellington

[56:28] Oh, yeah, you're right, you're right.

[56:29] So, with Kevin Smith, was he wearing a hockey jersey in his interview?

[56:34] He was!

[56:35] He only wears a hockey jersey or a bathrobe.

[56:38] The only two things he wears.

Dan McCoy

[56:39] He was wearing his dress hockey jersey, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[56:41] Nice.

[56:42] I gotta say, the way Kevin Smith...

[56:43] The way he wears to be Oscars.

[56:44] The way...

[56:44] When he won Best Director for Clerks.

[56:47] Yeah, when he won Best Picture for Zack and Miri Makeup Porno.

Elliott Kalan

[56:51] It may have been a dream you had.

[56:53] What a beautiful dream.

[56:56] So, Jaws.

[56:58] Yeah.

[56:58] So, this is like when they did that festival of underrated films and Steven Spielberg selected

[57:02] Lawrence of Arabia.

[57:04] No, but seriously, you can recommend a classic movie.

[57:07] It doesn't have to be an unseen movie.

[57:08] You can recommend Lawrence of Arabia, too.

Dan McCoy

[57:10] Look, if you haven't watched Jaws in a while, it's great.

[57:13] Watch it a lot.

[57:14] That's what I say.

Elliott Kalan

[57:15] Every day.

[57:16] Take two Jaws and call me in the morning.

Dan McCoy

[57:20] So, I guess this is it, guys.

[57:23] Shocktober's over.

Elliott Kalan

[57:24] Oh, that's so sad.

[57:25] Don't say it.

[57:26] I don't want to live it.

[57:26] I can't believe it.

[57:28] Okay, I'm out with it.

Stuart Wellington

[57:28] We'll have to do a mid-month Shocktober sometime.

[57:30] It makes it all the sweeter.

Dan McCoy

[57:32] Shocktober revival.

[57:33] Hey, we don't just have to watch horror movies in Shocktober.

[57:37] Wait, what?

[57:38] We can sprinkle them throughout the year.

Stuart Wellington

[57:39] Oh, okay.

[57:40] I thought you were saying we didn't have to watch horror movies during Shocktober.

[57:42] No, we have to watch horror movies during Shocktober.

[57:44] What the fuck are we going to watch?

Dan McCoy

[57:45] But for now, let's put that plastic pumpkin in our pumpkin chest.

Elliott Kalan

[57:56] Pumpkin chest.

[57:57] Yeah, we'll take the candy out and back and put it away again and put it out next year.

[58:00] Wrap up that candy corn in our orange crepe paper.

[58:05] We'll put these skinned grapes back into the eyes of that witch.

[58:08] Back into the skull of the witch that we took them out of.

Stuart Wellington

[58:11] I'll take all those razor blades out of the apples I was setting out.

[58:14] You probably should.

Elliott Kalan

[58:16] And I guess I will take the spooky Halloween sounds and put them back on my regular walking

[58:21] around playlist for my iPod.

Dan McCoy

[58:24] And say goodnight to all of you dreamers out there for the Flophouse.

[58:30] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[58:32] I've been Stuart Wellington.

[58:33] And when you listen to this, I will still be Elliot Kalin and always shall be beginning to end forever.

[58:40] Goodnight, everyone.

Stuart Wellington

[58:42] Oogans!

[58:44] Meow!

Elliott Kalan

[58:49] You've been full of tech problems today, Dan.

[58:52] Tech problems.

Dan McCoy

[58:54] I think it's because I'm planning to show Gremlins 2 this Saturday.

[59:01] And so there's some Gremlins in the system.

[59:04] Oh, man, that's good stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[59:05] That's right, Flophouse fans.

[59:06] All Flophouse listeners are invited to Dan's house for Gremlins 2.

Stuart Wellington

[59:10] Gremlins 2, the stew batch.

The Flop House: Episode #113 - The Devil Inside

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