The Flop House: Episode #117 - Seeking Justice

[0:00] Merry Cagemas and a floppy new year!

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flop House. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:33] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:35] And over here it's Elliot Kalin.

[0:39] By a nose.

[0:41] Winner!

[0:43] Paying off at odds of 10 to 1, Elliot Kalin.

[0:47] So this is the movie house where we review movies.

[0:50] No.

[0:51] And what movie did we review this time?

[0:53] We reviewed Abduction.

[0:55] No, that was last.

[0:57] That was not last we did this.

[0:59] That was three episodes ago.

[1:01] So thanks for knocking on the door of the movie house.

[1:04] You're welcome to enter now.

[1:06] You're mixing up some of the things.

[1:08] I don't know. Let's see where this goes.

[1:10] I'm interested to see how this plays out.

[1:12] Have a seat. I'll give you a plate full of hot Steven movie nuggets.

[1:16] There's nothing in the rule book that says you can't say the wrong name for the podcast.

[1:21] This is what I told you would happen if we let Stuart take the reins.

[1:25] Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world.

[1:28] The Stuart cannot hold.

[1:30] Stuart slouches towards Bethlehem.

[1:32] The Stuart cannot hear the falconer.

[1:34] So have a seat over there on the movie house couch.

[1:36] TM. Registered Judgement.

[1:40] So what podcast is this if it's not the movie house?

[1:43] This is the flop house.

[1:45] The flop house.

[1:46] You're right.

[1:47] Bad movie podcast.

[1:48] He's right, everybody.

[1:49] Where we watch a bad movie and then we discuss it.

[1:51] Let's reserve judgment.

[1:54] Maybe it's not a bad movie we watched.

[1:56] Spoiler alert, it was.

[1:59] Spoiler alert, we watched a movie.

[2:01] Hey, guys.

[2:02] Happy holidays.

[2:04] I just want to thank everybody.

[2:06] I want to thank everybody for coming out to our live screening that we had a little while ago.

[2:11] Because we're certainly not recording this before the live screening.

[2:14] Shut up, dude.

[2:17] I'm sure it went wonderfully.

[2:20] Where Elliot did a handstand.

[2:23] When Stuart exposed himself to the audience.

[2:25] It was weird, but it felt right.

[2:27] Yeah, and when Dan fell asleep on stage and no one noticed, that was embarrassing.

[2:32] But anyway.

[2:33] But how about when Carl Gugino came out and kissed me right on the face?

[2:36] Oh, man.

[2:37] It's like both my fantasies and Elliot's fantasies coming true.

[2:41] But just for me.

[2:42] My fantasy of Elliot kissing somebody.

[2:44] I am married, Stuart.

[2:46] Yeah, but wait.

[2:48] Okay, so we watched.

[2:50] Thank you for coming out to our Brat Live show.

[2:53] That definitely has happened by the time we were taping this show.

[2:57] But before that, let's get to what this show is actually about, the movie we watched tonight.

[3:03] Well, what do we do on this show, Dan?

[3:05] We watch a bad movie and then we discuss it.

[3:07] Oh, you said that already.

[3:09] What's the name of this podcast?

[3:11] Abduction.

[3:12] It's called Abduction.

[3:15] Usually it takes a little longer for things to break down, but that's fine.

[3:18] Well, what movie did we watch tonight?

[3:20] Are we caught in a time loop?

[3:22] So we watched the movie Seeking Justice.

[3:25] Seeking Justice.

[3:27] Seeking Justice.

[3:28] Desperately Seeking Justice.

[3:30] Rated R.

[3:31] Is playing out.

[3:32] Wait, it was rated R?

[3:34] Yes, it was.

[3:35] It was rated R.

[3:36] It had a rape scene in it.

[3:37] Of course it was rated R.

[3:39] Okay.

[3:40] Was that automatically rated R?

[3:42] I think maybe it's the severity of the scene, but I would guess yes.

[3:45] Okay.

[3:47] It's very hard for me to imagine a PG-13 film that has a rape scene in it.

[3:50] We saw a partially shirtless Nicolas Cage.

[3:53] Partially shirtless?

[3:54] Like he was wearing a tiny shirt?

[3:55] Yeah.

[3:56] No, we only saw like the top of his bosoms.

[3:59] Yeah.

[4:00] So should we talk about what happens in this movie?

[4:02] It was like he was built with a protractor.

[4:04] Okay, so what did we...

[4:05] Now, Dan, I believe we're celebrating a very specific holiday with this movie.

[4:08] We are celebrating Cagemas.

[4:11] Happy Cagemas, everybody.

[4:13] Oh, man.

[4:14] Wait, what goes into Cagemas?

[4:16] Well, it's the day we commemorate the birth of our savior, Nicolas Cage,

[4:20] who was born in a manger because there was no room left in the respectable acting house.

[4:26] There was no room left in hell, so the cages walked the earth?

[4:30] Yeah, exactly, and he was born in a cage that he designed himself,

[4:34] and what happened was there were three wise men who showed up,

[4:39] all of them Nicolas Cage,

[4:41] each crazier than the last.

[4:43] Each with different hairlines.

[4:45] Well, they gave him three gifts.

[4:46] They came bearing three gifts, bad wigs, bad accents, and crazy hand motions.

[4:53] That's the source of Cagemas' power.

[4:55] Yeah.

[4:56] Wait, his name is Cagemas?

[4:58] So wait.

[4:59] Because you know Jesus' name is not Christmas.

[5:01] What?

[5:03] Is that why we watched a movie with Nicolas Cage in it?

[5:06] Because it's Cagemas.

[5:07] Merry Cagemas.

[5:08] Did you get me a present?

[5:10] I mean, give me a minute.

[5:13] I've got to go through Dan's shit.

[5:15] Ellen gave me a very nice Cagemas present.

[5:18] It's a wig with a pronounced widow's peak.

[5:23] Okay, I don't see the relationship.

[5:26] And Dan gave me bulgy eyes.

[5:29] They make your eyes bulge out when you're yelling at stuff.

[5:32] Merry Cagemas.

[5:33] Wait, I can play.

[5:35] And I gave you guys a really funny-looking goatee.

[5:40] Dan made a hair joke.

[5:43] So we watched a movie called Seeking Justice.

[5:45] Starring Nicolas Cage.

[5:47] Starring Nicolas Cage, January Jones, the unlikely named January Jones.

[5:51] And the even less likely named Guy Pearce.

[5:54] And yet all those names exist.

[5:56] The non-porn actor, Guy Pearce.

[6:01] And it's directed by Roger Donaldson, director of Cocktail.

[6:04] Donald Rogerson?

[6:06] Yeah, no.

[6:07] And Harold Peridose in the movie.

[6:10] Yeah, he directed a number of movies like Cocktail and the remake of The Getaway.

[6:14] But not FX.

[6:15] Not FX.

[6:16] Not FX, The Deadly Art of Illusion.

[6:18] Dante's Peak.

[6:19] A lot of movies that no one has ever asked, who directed this?

[6:22] Dante's Peak?

[6:23] It really reminds you that all movies have directors, even the ones where you're like,

[6:27] oh, I never thought or cared about who directed that.

[6:30] He is the very definition of a journeyman director.

[6:36] He shoots each film on a different continent.

[6:38] A man who has directed several.

[6:40] That's the one where the guy jumps bodies back and forth.

[6:43] But you wouldn't be like, oh, I've got to see the new Roger Donaldson movie.

[6:46] Yeah, you'd never ever do that.

[6:50] That Roger Donaldson stamp.

[6:52] Francois Truffaut is not going to write a book Truffaut-Donaldson.

[6:57] I don't think Truffaut is writing any books.

[6:59] He's been dead for almost 30 years.

[7:02] Well, 20 years, let's say, 20 years.

[7:04] I'm just saying the otter theory is not necessarily going to be applied to Mr. Donaldson.

[7:09] The otter theory?

[7:10] So he's not an otter.

[7:13] The otter theory.

[7:14] Which is that otters are not a good vehicle for Christmas cheer.

[7:17] Happy Cajmus, everybody.

[7:19] So Seeking Justice.

[7:20] It's a Roger Donaldson joint.

[7:23] Let's talk about what happens there.

[7:24] Yeah, let's do it.

[7:25] Nicholas Cage is Will Girard, a mild-mannered English teacher in New Orleans.

[7:31] I wouldn't either.

[7:32] He has a gross, grimy goatee and floppy hair.

[7:35] He looks like a pedophile.

[7:37] He's married to January Jones.

[7:39] He's married to January Jones.

[7:40] Who is 20 years younger than him at best.

[7:43] And she's like a gnarly socialite, right?

[7:45] No, she's a cello player.

[7:47] Oh, okay.

[7:48] And they are happily in love, which we know because we see them on a date where they go to a Mardi Gras-themed nightclub.

[7:54] Because, hey, you live in New Orleans.

[7:56] What don't you get enough of?

[7:57] Mardi Gras.

[7:58] Yeah, everything's easy in the Big Easy.

[8:00] Am I right, guys?

[8:01] Everything's hard.

[8:02] They're still rebuilding from the hurricane.

[8:03] I wouldn't guarantee what you just said.

[8:06] Bam.

[8:07] Gumby.

[8:08] Am I right?

[8:09] You eat a big, steaming bowl of Gumby?

[8:11] No.

[8:14] Some kind of stew made out of clay?

[8:16] I don't understand.

[8:19] So anyway, he's a mild-mannered English teacher.

[8:20] He wears a mask.

[8:21] He wears a mask in one scene.

[8:25] So Nicholas Cage is a mild-mannered English teacher.

[8:27] He also likes to play chess.

[8:29] And there's a kid in his class who's acting up who he tries to give some guidance to.

[8:34] That kid is totally unimportant to the plot.

[8:36] I'm glad that you're giving him weight in this synopsis.

[8:42] And his name is Edwin.

[8:43] And he's also friends with the school principal, right, or assistant principal?

[8:47] Yeah, he's friends with the principal, Harold Perrineau, who you may remember from Lost where he yelled Walt a lot.

[8:53] Yeah, I mean, he's in a bunch of shit.

[8:55] He's on Oz.

[8:57] Yeah, no, he's a fine actor.

[8:58] I'm just saying most people know him from Lost where he yelled Walt a lot.

[9:03] Okay.

[9:04] Now, Nicholas Cage is a way of playing chess when January Jones' wife is, and there's no pretty way to say this, raped by a man wearing snakeskin boots.

[9:13] Now, it's –

[9:15] We're not saying that all men who wear snakeskin boots are rapists.

[9:19] We're just saying probably.

[9:21] And that if you know someone with snakeskin boots or you own snakeskin boots –

[9:24] Lock up your vagina.

[9:26] Wait, what?

[9:28] The most insensitive thing I could have said.

[9:30] I'm sorry.

[9:31] One of them, yeah, or lock yourself in a room if you own snakeskin boots because you're a danger.

[9:36] You're a werewolf.

[9:38] Nicholas Cage goes –

[9:39] Yeah, if you have like a Mr. Hyde episode, put those things on and go running wild.

[9:43] Just go to town with your snakeskin boots and your evil because they go hand in hand.

[9:47] So Nicholas Cage finds her at the hospital.

[9:49] I mean he's told she's at the hospital.

[9:51] It's not like he was visiting there and he bumped into her.

[9:53] Yeah.

[9:54] He's distraught.

[9:55] She's been battered.

[9:57] She's been traumatized.

[9:59] And by the way, insensitive –

[10:00] Locking up vagina jokes aside, this is a terrible thing to hinge a stupid, stupid thriller on.

[10:06] The movie really goes too far in doing that to January Jones and leaving her with a really

[10:10] battered face.

[10:11] Yeah, she looks horrible and it's just like, well, I don't think the movie earned this

[10:16] like 15 minutes in at best.

[10:19] If that, it's really quick in the movie.

[10:22] And while he's in the waiting room all by himself in his lonesome, Guy Pearce walks

[10:27] up to him.

[10:28] Bald Guy Pearce.

[10:29] Which means that he's an evil Guy Pearce.

[10:30] Yeah, here's the lesson in this movie, anyone with no hair is evil, except for one character.

[10:35] Born out by my experience in life.

[10:38] Uh, okay.

[10:39] A lot of evil people in this world, Lex Luthor, Mr. Clean, uh, what's his name, Montel Williams.

[10:45] Yeah.

[10:46] A lot of evil people.

[10:47] This is the triumvirate.

[10:48] Dr. Keith Abloh.

[10:49] Dr. Keith Abloh, Michael Chiklis.

[10:52] All evil.

[10:53] Um, Christopher Lloyd in the Addams Family movies, but not in real life.

[10:59] Uh, that Dr. Freeze guy from that Batman movie.

[11:02] Dr. Freeze.

[11:03] He went back and got his doctorate.

[11:06] Yeah.

[11:07] Mr. Freeze lives in Florida.

[11:10] Call me Stanley Freeze.

[11:13] Uh, yeah.

[11:14] So anyway, Dr. and Mrs. Freeze, we'd like to invite you to.

[11:20] So, Bald Guy Pearce says to him, hey, look, we know the guy who did this.

[11:24] They never explain how they know the guy who did this.

[11:26] I represent a group that seeks to take care of justice.

[11:30] We're seeking justice.

[11:32] We're seeking justice.

[11:33] Or as Dan put it, seeking just ice.

[11:35] We got everything we need for the party.

[11:38] Oh no, the ice.

[11:40] Yeah, it's on the Evite.

[11:43] Yeah, they already got their soda.

[11:45] Bring ice.

[11:46] Seeking just ice.

[11:48] Seeking just ice.

[11:49] And he says, we're part of this group.

[11:51] We will kill this guy for you, but it's implied you're going to owe us a favor.

[11:55] We track down men who have committed crimes when the police fail.

[11:58] And Nicolas Cage is like, no, no, no.

[12:00] Well, I don't know.

[12:02] And Guy Pearce says, all right.

[12:04] I'm going to give you some totally complicated directions to say whether you're in on this death cult.

[12:09] It involves a candy purchase.

[12:11] Yeah, if you want to join this vigilante murder group, go to the vending machine and buy two candy bars.

[12:17] Then you'll.

[12:19] Do a specific type of candy bar.

[12:21] The duality of it is telling.

[12:24] Yeah, it's man's nature, good and evil, yin and yang.

[12:26] One candy bar, he might just be hungry.

[12:28] But two, he's either really hungry or he's really hungry for justice.

[12:32] And it's the Forever Bar, right?

[12:34] Yeah, it's called the Forever Bar.

[12:36] I don't know if that's a real candy bar or not.

[12:38] It's possible no candy maker wanted to be associated with murder and vigilante justice.

[12:41] The Forever Bar from De Beers.

[12:43] Tell her you'd give her candy all over again.

[12:46] So Nicolas Cage makes his decision.

[12:50] And he goes to the break room, I guess.

[12:52] He stands in front of the vending machine and thinks about buying this candy for so long.

[12:57] And they're really trying to build suspense out of a man buying candy from a vending machine.

[13:01] Five to ten minutes of milking this candy.

[13:03] There's at least three flashbacks to like two minutes ago in the movie when he saw his battered wife.

[13:10] I remember that I love my wife and she got raped.

[13:13] So I gotta get these candy bars.

[13:15] No, but I don't want to kill this guy.

[13:17] They almost go as far as to flashback to Guy Pearce telling him to buy the candy bars.

[13:22] Don't do that while you're waiting for it.

[13:23] So eventually after an agonizing hour, he buys these candy bars.

[13:27] And he's contacted by Guy Pearce.

[13:29] Alright, we'll take care of it.

[13:31] And some random guy is sent to shoot snakeskin boots in the head.

[13:36] And does it.

[13:38] Case closed.

[13:39] Case closed.

[13:40] End of story, right?

[13:41] Wrong.

[13:42] Because six months later, after January Jones seems to have recovered remarkably well from the trauma of her violent attack.

[13:48] It seems that this group wants Nicolas Cage to repay the favor.

[13:53] Bum, bum, bum.

[13:54] It's made a deal with the devil, if you will.

[13:56] If you will.

[13:57] If the devil is bald Guy Pearce.

[13:59] I mean, I think he played pretty good by the way.

[14:02] And Guy Pearce gets in touch with Nicolas Cage through some of the most elaborate chicanery.

[14:07] Like for instance, Nicolas Cage is at a bar with his wife, January Jones.

[14:11] They're playing pool like husband and wives do.

[14:14] He gets a phone call from Guy Pearce that says, it's me.

[14:17] Tell your wife it's your sister on the phone.

[14:19] Go outside.

[14:21] Now go to this pharmacy, this drug store around the corner.

[14:24] It's a bodega.

[14:25] Go to this bodega, buy some gum.

[14:27] Then go through the back door.

[14:29] And he goes through the back door and there's a car with Guy Pearce in it.

[14:31] It's like, why didn't you just tell him over the phone?

[14:33] It's like Guy Pearce has a sideline in snack concessions.

[14:36] I think Guy Pearce, I think the point of this movie is that this vigilante monster gets a commission from all the candy he sells.

[14:43] That's how they fund the operation.

[14:45] So for a while in the beginning you think he might just be a salesman for Forever Bars

[14:49] that has a really creative sales campaign which involves staging rapes

[14:53] and then offering vigilante justice to the distraught husbands.

[14:57] Now he tells Nicolas Cage, we need you to kill this.

[15:00] No, we need you to go to the zoo.

[15:02] No, actually he doesn't even tell him that.

[15:04] He gives him a letter addressed to Santa Claus.

[15:06] And he says, go to the zoo tomorrow at 4.15 and mail this letter at the mailbox.

[15:12] Then when he gets to the zoo, he gets a phone call that says, are you holding the letter?

[15:14] Open it.

[15:15] He opens it and there's a picture of a woman and a couple of little girls and a seedy looking guy and a phone number.

[15:21] It says, all right, memorize the phone number and those pictures.

[15:24] Buy a ticket to the zoo, then call me.

[15:26] And he calls him and says, okay, you're going to follow that woman and her daughters.

[15:30] They're at the zoo.

[15:31] And if you see the guy in the picture, you have to call us.

[15:35] And he doesn't see the guy in the picture.

[15:37] Instead he watches a show about elephants.

[15:40] Where they introduce elephants and tell everyone their age and weight, which is the rudest thing you can do.

[15:47] Come on.

[15:48] They're lady elephants.

[15:49] And they'll remember that.

[15:51] Elephant joke.

[15:55] All right, so he doesn't see him.

[15:57] But eventually he does.

[15:59] Long story short, Nicolas Cage is told to kill this guy.

[16:02] He's told, this guy is a pedophile.

[16:04] We're going to seek justice.

[16:06] You murder him because you owe us because we killed the man who attacked your wife.

[16:09] Long story short, but you're glossing over the fact that he's convinced to kill this man

[16:13] by the implicit threat to his wife, January Jones.

[16:17] Which is spelled out literally by people breaking into his house a couple times

[16:22] and rearranging the magnet letters on his fridge to say the word choose.

[16:28] Choose vicious.

[16:30] Your love for your wife.

[16:32] I like to think that January Jones was changing those letters.

[16:36] She was trying to remind herself to choose something.

[16:38] Choose life, choose a job, et cetera.

[16:42] Was that train spotting?

[16:43] Yeah.

[16:44] It's okay.

[16:45] It's as true now as it was then.

[16:47] So he pushes some turd off a bridge.

[16:51] He takes a bus to an overpass.

[16:55] And the pedophile shows up with a bicycle.

[16:57] And Nicolas Cage says, hey, I got to talk to you.

[17:01] The guy throws his bike at Nicolas Cage.

[17:03] There's a brief struggle.

[17:05] And the guy falls off the overpass into traffic and gets killed.

[17:08] Uh-oh!

[17:10] Nicolas Cage didn't murder him, but he's dead now.

[17:13] Yeah.

[17:14] And he gets credit for it.

[17:16] With the organization.

[17:17] That's good.

[17:18] Yeah.

[17:19] And then...

[17:20] That credit can be turned in for, you know, like, prizes or...

[17:23] Yeah, coffee.

[17:24] Pogs.

[17:27] Gift certificates for local retailers.

[17:29] I'll take the pogs over those gift certificates.

[17:32] Really? Because they're worthless.

[17:34] Pogs have a lot more.

[17:35] It's the personal touch.

[17:37] Personal.

[17:38] I don't know about that.

[17:39] I mean, they're collector's items.

[17:41] Oh, also, we should have mentioned that there's a code phrase for the organization,

[17:43] which is, the hungry rabbit jumps.

[17:45] Why would we mention that?

[17:47] Because, I don't know, it's stupid.

[17:49] Oh, okay.

[17:50] So the phrase, the hungry rabbit jumps, is said like a billion times in the movie.

[17:54] Well, it sticks with you after the movie.

[17:56] It haunts your dreams.

[17:58] The point is, the guy, Nicolas Cage, kills this man.

[18:02] Or kind of.

[18:03] He's around while the guy dies.

[18:06] At best, it's accidental manslaughter.

[18:08] He's pulled in by the cops.

[18:10] By two cops.

[18:12] Because they have a camera on part of the overpass

[18:17] to show that Nicolas Cage was there.

[18:19] When the man was killed.

[18:20] But the camera that was pointed at the underpass...

[18:22] They could have proved his innocence.

[18:24] The tape is missing.

[18:25] But they also found, on the phone of the guy who was killed,

[18:29] video of Nicolas Cage at the zoo.

[18:31] Seems like this guy was following Nic Cage.

[18:33] What was that all about?

[18:35] They learned that his name was different than the name he was told.

[18:37] And also, that the man who died was an investigative reporter.

[18:41] Not a pedophile.

[18:43] Well, no, we don't know that.

[18:44] He could have been a pedophile.

[18:45] He could have been a pedophile, but we know he was an investigative reporter.

[18:47] We know he's an investigative reporter.

[18:49] We learned later he's got a boat.

[18:51] All signs point to not pedophile.

[18:54] He could have investigated, you know, what kids are like when you get them on a boat.

[18:59] But probably not.

[19:01] Now, there's a local police lieutenant.

[19:03] Sergeant? I don't remember.

[19:05] A higher-ranking policeman.

[19:06] Lieutenant Durgan?

[19:07] Lieutenant Durgan.

[19:08] We never learned his first name.

[19:09] Tyler Durgan.

[19:10] Even when he's interviewed on television, on the news,

[19:12] his chyron just says, Lieutenant Durgan.

[19:14] You think his first name was Durgan?

[19:16] Dirty Durgan.

[19:17] Dirty Durgan.

[19:18] Must have been so hard to grow up as a kid with the name Dirty.

[19:21] Well, it's the South.

[19:23] So they find out this dude...

[19:25] Well, Durgan comes in.

[19:27] He fights this organization.

[19:30] Durgan comes in and says to him,

[19:32] gives him a test, a word association test,

[19:34] and the last answer is,

[19:36] the hungry rabbit jumps.

[19:38] Durgan's part of the group.

[19:39] He unlocks Nicolas Cage's handcuffs and says,

[19:41] you've got to get out of here,

[19:42] because those guys are going to try to kill you.

[19:44] And Nicolas Cage leaves.

[19:46] Sure enough, the bad guys chase him.

[19:48] And there's an exciting chase across,

[19:51] I think, the same highway overpass we saw earlier.

[19:54] Because there's not that many locations in this movie.

[19:56] You say exciting ironically,

[19:57] but it's actually the most exciting part of the movie.

[19:59] Oh yeah, a guy gets run over.

[20:00] or by a car. It's bullshit, like Nicholas Cage almost gets killed by a jack-knifing truck.

[20:06] Like, you know, for action in a low-budget film.

[20:11] This short truck with a back loaded full of stuff, like, swings around and almost hits Nicholas Cage,

[20:16] and it does look like Nicholas Cage or his stuntman was almost smacked in the face by a truck.

[20:20] It seems genuinely exciting for a few seconds. It looks like it gives him a little tap on the behind.

[20:24] What, like, the truck is sexually harassing him? Yeah, it's like, hey, good job, dude.

[20:29] Hey, back that sugar up here, Nick Cage.

[20:33] So, yeah, he escapes from the bad guys. He escapes from the army of bald vigilantes who are after him.

[20:38] Army of two, basically, three. And I forgot to mention that he also goes to a funeral for the reporter who died

[20:44] and finds out that he was a real reporter who is dead now.

[20:49] There's not really, he doesn't learn much while he's there, actually.

[20:52] And he knows that the reporter was researching the organization that he's tied to.

[20:55] Yeah, that he's been spreading tales about a vigilante organization, but his research was hidden.

[21:00] No. Tales from the living. Tales from the dark side, perhaps.

[21:03] Tales from the dark side of the movie?

[21:05] Yeah, maybe. I don't know. That's the one with Buster Poindexter, right?

[21:08] Yeah. Okay.

[21:10] I think it's Sonic and Tails.

[21:14] Okay, so, anyway, long story short, Nicholas Cage decides to turn the tables on his erstwhile kid captors.

[21:22] Kid captors?

[21:24] They want to catch that kid.

[21:27] They want to bag that bird?

[21:29] They want to bag that bird, catch that kid, and cage that cage, all those things.

[21:34] And he does some amateur sleuthing, snooping around, and finds out that the – he finds the reporter's notes, basically.

[21:44] He goes to the reporter's desk. He finds a receipt that leads him to a gas station where he bribes his way into learning that the reporter had a boat.

[21:51] And it's very easy to break into the boat storage, and he opens up a drawer on the boat, and there's a locked box inside, and inside the box are his notes.

[21:59] Oh, he follows the trail of breadcrumbs all the way to the end.

[22:04] And a DVD inside that has some evidence that other people are involved in this organization.

[22:09] And he also explains what the phrase the hungry rabbit jumps means, but it's so stupid it's not worth getting into.

[22:17] Yeah, it's like a fucking acrostic or something.

[22:20] Yeah, so Nicolas Cage sets up a trap to trap the trappers and tells Guy Pearce –

[22:25] It looks like the trappers are the ones who are about to get trapped.

[22:29] It looks like this trapper is a keeper.

[22:32] I like that too, yeah.

[22:34] It looks like Nicolas Cage is about to put his enemies in a – oh, wait.

[22:41] Hold on.

[22:42] Yeah, that's not very good.

[22:43] I'm going to give you one more. Give it one more try.

[22:44] It's like the bad guys are about to be served a cage.

[22:49] No, give it one more try.

[22:51] Maybe the bald guys are going to wish they weren't in a cage.

[22:57] No, I think cage is a dead end. It's leading you down the wrong way.

[23:00] Okay, well, I'll write something up, put it up on the Facebook page or some shit.

[23:04] It sounds good.

[23:06] So anyway, he tells Guy Pearce, go to whatever that stadium is that they have there.

[23:12] Yeah, some bullshit stadium, whatever.

[23:14] There's a monster truck rally.

[23:16] Buy a ticket, go to that seat, then sit there, then come find me.

[23:19] Go to the bathroom, then buy a hot dog.

[23:21] He gives him the same kind of bullshit instructions, and this was literally for me my favorite part of the movie because Nicolas Cage was not only getting back at him.

[23:29] He was getting back at him in the pettiest way possible by putting him through the dumbest hoops.

[23:33] I wish it was just like bend down and untie your shoe.

[23:36] Okay, tie it again.

[23:37] All right, look underneath that garbage can.

[23:39] There's nothing there.

[23:40] Go back over that way.

[23:41] Okay, look in here.

[23:42] Open that window.

[23:43] Throw a cigarette out of it.

[23:44] You're going to have to go buy a cigarette.

[23:45] Throw a cigarette out.

[23:46] Okay, turn around.

[23:47] I'm right here.

[23:49] But instead, they decide they're going to swap stuff.

[23:53] Nicolas Cage has evidence.

[23:55] An amical breakup.

[23:57] Yeah, it's going to be an amical breakup between mild-mannered Nicolas Cage and Guy Pearce, the head of the vigilante group.

[24:04] Oh, and it turns out also that – we skipped a part – that his friend, the principal of the school…

[24:09] Harold Perrineau.

[24:11] …is also involved in this vigilante group.

[24:13] Oh, no.

[24:14] Oh, no.

[24:15] You would never have suspected it by the fact that he's a recognizable face who's in the movie for no other reason.

[24:20] Oh, what a surprise.

[24:22] Oh, doctor.

[24:24] And then a guy shows up and is going to try to kill Nicolas Cage and goes, you dirty pedophile.

[24:29] And Nicolas Cage throws him off guard by telling him the hungry rabbit thing.

[24:33] And it turns out that's just how this group gets rid of the people who are causing it trouble.

[24:37] They label them pedophiles and have them killed.

[24:39] Yeah.

[24:40] So anyway, Guy Pearce says, we won't make the swap here.

[24:43] We've both got evidence the other one needs.

[24:45] I have the evidence that proves your innocence.

[24:47] You have the evidence about my vigilante cult.

[24:49] You have my – wait.

[24:51] They have his wife too.

[24:52] Oh, also they kidnapped January Jones.

[24:53] She's so boring I forgot.

[24:55] Then literally he goes, we won't do it here.

[24:58] We'll go to the abandoned mall next door.

[25:00] And they go to this abandoned mall, and it looks like a zombie attack went through it.

[25:03] There's, like, papers and shit all over the floors.

[25:06] There's police tape across everything.

[25:08] Everything – otherwise it looks like a normal mall.

[25:10] Yeah, it looks like they wandered into, like, they just finished shooting Dawn of the Dead or something like that there.

[25:15] Anyhoo, things go bad fast.

[25:18] Guy Pearce has a gun to January Jones' head, a gun to Nicolas Cage's head with his henchman, that is.

[25:23] And he says, I can't let you guys go.

[25:24] You know too much.

[25:25] It's an old-fashioned Mexican standoff.

[25:29] It's a migrant worker standoff.

[25:31] I'm sorry.

[25:32] No, there's no Mexican standoff aspect to it.

[25:34] Yeah, I mean it's just a bunch of bald guys, right?

[25:36] And Nicolas Cage's friend is there and goes, wait.

[25:39] No, we're not killing innocent people.

[25:41] Shoots Guy –

[25:43] One bald guy.

[25:44] The bad guy.

[25:45] Not Guy Pearce.

[25:46] No, shoots another bald guy.

[25:47] He gets shot.

[25:48] When I said bad guy, I meant to say bald guy.

[25:50] Guy Pearce and Nicolas Cage fight it out a little bit.

[25:52] It's a very anti-bald movie.

[25:54] And they literally pull the thing where Guy Pearce is about to kill Nicolas Cage.

[25:58] You hear a gunshot, and then you see that Guy Pearce is the one who's gotten shot.

[26:02] It's January Jones who earlier in the movie bought a gun.

[26:04] A thing that I remember seeing for the first time in Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[26:10] What is that?

[26:12] What?

[26:13] Forty years ago now?

[26:14] What, a gun?

[26:16] No, it's like the idea like –

[26:17] I'm old man Dan.

[26:18] Gather around.

[26:19] I'll tell you stories about Raiders of the Lost Ark.

[26:22] No, like the idea like –

[26:23] It was 30 years ago.

[26:24] It was 30 years ago, but like you hear a gunshot, and then like, oh.

[26:29] And then the bad guy falls over.

[26:31] Yeah, because someone else shot him.

[26:33] And weird enough, it is Marion Ravenwood who has killed the bad guy in this movie too, right?

[26:37] Yeah.

[26:38] What?

[26:39] No.

[26:40] It turns out January Jones shot him.

[26:41] You've got to be really excited for two seconds.

[26:43] They go to –

[26:44] I would be excited if Marion Ravenwood showed up in this movie.

[26:47] So Nicolas Cage has –

[26:49] Like that's what happened after, you know, like her adventure with Indiana Jones.

[26:52] She just turned into like a freelance adventurer.

[26:55] Freelance saving people at the last minute by shooting the bad guy

[26:58] when you think the good guy is going to get shot specialist.

[27:00] That's my job.

[27:01] I think you're going to accidentally shoot a lot of good guys in that profession.

[27:04] Yeah, that comes with the territory, you know.

[27:06] Sure.

[27:07] You take the bad, you take the risk.

[27:08] She shoots him.

[27:09] She's like, I'll take a grand.

[27:12] That's my fee.

[27:13] What, like a hundred grand candy bar?

[27:15] Like a grand piano?

[27:17] The Grand Canyon?

[27:18] That's not owned by anyone.

[27:19] It's owned by all Americans.

[27:21] A DVD copy of the movie Grand Canyon?

[27:23] A candy bar, a piano, and a DVD, please.

[27:27] And a canyon.

[27:29] So everything is fine.

[27:32] Everything is fine in the end.

[27:34] Nicolas Cage goes to one of the other reporters from the reporter's wake

[27:37] and hands him his notes and say,

[27:39] here are his notes.

[27:40] He's just scratching the surface, but someone should look into this.

[27:42] And the other reporter walks away and he goes,

[27:44] hey, the hungry rabbit jumps, right?

[27:47] And then gives him a sly look as he takes the escalator back up to his office.

[27:50] So it's like he's trapped inside a fucking mirror the whole time.

[27:53] It's like Nicolas Cage is mid-oh shit when the credits roll.

[27:56] I mean, seeking justice.

[27:59] Justice must be sought.

[28:02] Justice cannot be bought.

[28:04] Seek it.

[28:06] Seek it out.

[28:07] Seek it, shout.

[28:08] Seek it, justice.

[28:10] Seek it over there.

[28:11] Justice was a young girl.

[28:14] Didn't know the world was evil.

[28:17] Justice was a young girl.

[28:19] A girl in trouble and in something.

[28:23] Justice got a girl.

[28:26] Justice got a girl.

[28:29] We didn't start the justice.

[28:31] I should have said we didn't seek the justice.

[28:34] Yeah, so anti-bald, pro-candy.

[28:37] And also pro-phone.

[28:39] Yeah, pro or con cell phone.

[28:41] In the movie, everything bad happens when you don't have access to your phone

[28:44] and only pictures on your phone can be used to communicate at certain times.

[28:48] There's a lot of people.

[28:49] Or serve as evidence of either maldoing or the kidnapping of a wife.

[28:54] Or non-maldoing.

[28:55] The thing that destroys you is the thing that saves you in the end.

[28:58] The phone.

[29:00] I think that's what Alexander Graham Bell said when he invented it, yeah.

[29:03] I mean, it wasn't all bad.

[29:04] We got to see some monster trucks.

[29:06] We did gratefully see some monster trucks.

[29:10] I liked the shots of Nolans.

[29:13] Oh, yeah.

[29:14] It took me back to the time we watched 12 Rounds starring John Cena.

[29:18] It was like a 12 Rounds union.

[29:20] I enjoyed the brief chase scene on the highway.

[29:26] You know, Guy Pearce was in the movie.

[29:28] Guy Pearce was in it, and I like him.

[29:30] Nicolas Cage literally sleptwalks through the movie.

[29:33] I think he was sleeping with his eyes open through most of the movie.

[29:35] He had a nice goatee, though.

[29:37] It was a terrible goatee.

[29:38] I like the one scene where he goes to see his wife in the hospital,

[29:45] and he's obviously moved, and he asks the nurses and everybody to leave,

[29:52] and that's the one moment where he says,

[29:55] Like, he is the actor who's like,

[29:56] this is the time I really need to make sure everybody understands that I'm

[30:00] from New Orleans is a genuinely great crazy movie.

[30:26] This is a really generic, boring...

[30:30] It's a movie that's so generic that at times it feels like you're watching a template that's

[30:35] handed to people for making movies where it's like, fill in the details yourself!

[30:40] Have a good time!

[30:41] You know?

[30:42] But they just didn't do that.

[30:43] It's just generic.

[30:44] I think my favorite stuff in this movie, like we talk about this while we're watching it,

[30:47] there's a lot of scenes in this movie that it just feels like the director or the writer

[30:52] or someone is like, this is the sort of scene that's in the thriller.

[30:57] So we need to put it in this movie, whether or not it makes sense.

[31:00] And that is exemplified, I think, at its best with the scene where Nicolas Cage, to make

[31:07] the decision to kill this guy, has to buy two of these Forever bars.

[31:11] You're right, because a lot of thriller movies have scenes where people buy candy from vending

[31:15] machines.

[31:16] I agree.

[31:17] They milk the idea of him.

[31:19] They milk chocolate the idea of him.

[31:21] Of him buying these two bars from this vending machine so much.

[31:25] And it's like, Guy Pearce had talked to him just moments before.

[31:30] Like, Nicolas Cage could have said like, yeah, you know what?

[31:33] Kill that motherfucker.

[31:34] But like, it's like, no, like, okay, if you're interested in killing this guy, go and buy

[31:40] two of this type of candy bars.

[31:43] And so he goes and he like puts in the first dollar.

[31:46] He buys a candy bar.

[31:47] He looks around.

[31:48] He sees like the guy looking at him.

[31:50] He sees the security guard looking at him.

[31:52] He gets all creeped out.

[31:54] And then he's like, he pushes in the second dollar.

[31:57] He puts in like the first two numbers that would go.

[32:00] Like, he's like, one, one.

[32:02] And then pauses before he enters the sixth that buys the Forever bar.

[32:05] Because that's when he damps himself.

[32:06] Slow motion with like a exploding sound as he pushes the plus sign.

[32:09] Why the fuck did Guy Pearce tell him that he had to go buy two of these candy bars?

[32:15] Because that's the signal.

[32:16] We've talked about that.

[32:17] Because that's the signal.

[32:18] You're a salesman.

[32:19] But that's like, I think that exemplifies the type of movie this is, where it's just

[32:24] like...

[32:25] Two candy bars, twice the commission.

[32:26] And candy bars, you know where else you might see a lot of bars?

[32:30] In a prison.

[32:31] Oh.

[32:32] Think about that one.

[32:33] That deserves a high five.

[32:34] Boom.

[32:35] Boom.

[32:36] Yeah.

[32:37] You're right, guys.

[32:38] I'm wrong.

[32:39] No, but you're right.

[32:40] There's a lot of scenes where characters do what a character in a movie thriller might

[32:42] do, but it doesn't even make sense necessarily for them to do that in this movie.

[32:47] Well, it's like Nicolas Cage, to get information about the reporter, goes to the reporter's

[32:53] wake.

[32:54] And I guess he picks up the reporter's ID badge, which he never really uses.

[33:00] He goes to the reporter's desk, and I guess maybe he needs the ID badge to open the desk.

[33:04] I don't know.

[33:05] But when he's talking to the other reporters to get information from them, he doesn't really

[33:09] get any information he doesn't already have.

[33:12] There's no point to that scene except to show that there are other reporters in New Orleans,

[33:17] I guess.

[33:18] Or you point out the scene where he's ransacking the reporter's desk, and one of the reporter's

[33:22] co-workers interacts with him.

[33:24] And then afterwards, that co-worker's suspicious, because fucking Nicolas Cage looks like a

[33:28] crazy person.

[33:29] And she goes to her co-workers.

[33:30] She goes to the security guard.

[33:32] She's like, hey, there's somebody going through dead guy's desk.

[33:35] And that's the last we hear of it.

[33:37] And then they look at the security camera, and she goes, he was there a minute ago.

[33:39] Oh, man, he died 10 years ago.

[33:43] Cut to Nicolas Cage just walking down the street.

[33:45] Story of the homeless ghost.

[33:47] Like why bother to have someone see him and almost catch him if he's going to get away

[33:52] that easily?

[33:53] Like it's so lazy.

[33:54] It's a lazy movie.

[33:55] Maybe it's the show that he's just like that.

[33:57] He's so talented at deception.

[34:00] But he's an English teacher.

[34:01] It's also one of those movies where a character is supposed to be an everyman who's taken

[34:05] out of his element, but he is instantly in his element.

[34:07] Like I was waiting for the moment which revealed Nicolas Cage is a sleeper agent, brainwashed

[34:12] to think he's an English teacher, but actually he's like a super assassin or something.

[34:15] We've already talked about like...

[34:16] The long kiss goodnight.

[34:17] I mean...

[34:18] The long cage goodnight.

[34:19] The long kiss good cage.

[34:22] With the candy bar thing, we've already talked about how like...

[34:25] Let it go.

[34:26] No, but we've already talked about how...

[34:29] Sometimes you got to steal a contractor's candy.

[34:31] They go through all this like rigmarole to like connect up with Cage.

[34:35] And we talked about that also...

[34:36] It adds a little bit of sweetness to what would otherwise be a sour situation.

[34:40] High five.

[34:42] We were also talking about the gum thing, where it's just like, okay, go outside, take

[34:46] this phone call, now go into the other room, buy some gum, and then come back out.

[34:51] Why add that buying some gum step in the middle of everything?

[34:55] Yeah, it's totally unnecessary.

[34:56] Like the whole...

[34:57] It's a shell game, dude.

[34:58] There's a lot of padding in this movie.

[35:00] It's a shell game.

[35:01] The whole premise of this movie seems weirdly suspect.

[35:06] You understand the idea of a stranger on a train situation, where it's like, all right,

[35:12] crisscross...

[35:13] Strangers on a crane?

[35:14] No, is that like two guys who don't usually work with each other?

[35:21] It's a new guy at a construction site?

[35:22] Yeah.

[35:23] No, but the strangers on a train situation, where it's like...

[35:27] Strangers on a Frasier crane.

[35:29] I'll kill your person.

[35:31] Crisscross.

[35:32] You'll kill my person, crisscross.

[35:34] There's no motive.

[35:36] The thing is, with this whole secret society thing, there's no motive for anyone.

[35:40] If they form a secret society, they can just kill with impunity because they have no connection

[35:46] to these murders anyway.

[35:47] They don't need to recruit other people for their secret society.

[35:51] Here's the other thing.

[35:52] It's a secret society made up of bald henchmen who are thugs who kill people, and it's something

[35:56] that on Matt Bird's excellent website, Cock-Eyed Caravan, he talks about how...

[36:01] Yeah, look it up.

[36:02] Cock-EyedCaravan.blogspot.com.

[36:04] He has that, how there are a lot of movies where an ordinary guy is blackmailed into

[36:07] committing a crime, but he's inept at it and has no experience at it, and the bad guy who

[36:11] blackmails him could just do it himself much easier.

[36:14] He's like a super criminal.

[36:15] Yeah, and so in this one, it's like Guy Pearce has a bunch of thugs with him.

[36:19] There doesn't seem to be any ulterior motive other than this crazy idea of justice.

[36:24] Why doesn't he and his thugs just do it?

[36:26] It's just making it harder for themselves if they're getting random people to do the

[36:29] murders because then they've got these wild cards running around.

[36:32] Yeah, and then they've got to kill them off, they've got to frame them for a murder and

[36:36] kill them off.

[36:37] It's like a chain letter.

[36:38] It never ends.

[36:39] It's like a kid's...

[36:40] It's a bad Ponzi scheme.

[36:41] It's a bad vigilante pyramid scheme.

[36:43] And also, what's the need for deception?

[36:47] Because any time there's any kind of actual evidence that there's wrongdoing, they're

[36:51] so well-connected that they can just brush it all under the fucking rug.

[36:54] That's true.

[36:55] They have connections in the police, connections in the press.

[36:56] Who cares if he just wanders over to the car and talks to Guy Pearce?

[37:00] Why does he have to pretend like he's in the store for a reason?

[37:04] Because nobody gives a shit.

[37:05] Because if they tell the police, the police is like, oh, yeah, sure, Hungry Rabbit Jumps,

[37:09] dude.

[37:10] It's true.

[37:11] I was kind of waiting for the moment when Nicolas Cage brings this information to the

[37:13] president and the president says, The Hungry Rabbit Jumps to Congress.

[37:18] And everyone in Congress is like, yeah, that's right.

[37:21] And then everyone in America watching this on television goes, yep, Hungry Rabbit Jumps,

[37:26] all right.

[37:27] Everyone is in on it except for Nick Cage.

[37:29] So I think that we've come to the point where we make our final judgments on this film,

[37:43] whether it's a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie or a movie we kind of liked.

[37:46] What do you say, Elliot?

[37:47] I will say it's a bad, bad movie because it just never reaches the craziness necessary

[37:53] for a good, bad movie, even though it does have Guy Pearce telling Nicolas Cage there's

[37:57] a mailbox at the zoo as if that's like a scary thing.

[38:01] But I would say bad, bad, and not as bad as we've seen, certainly, but doesn't rise to

[38:08] good, bad.

[38:09] And I didn't kind of like it.

[38:10] What do you say, Stuart?

[38:11] Yeah.

[38:12] I'll agree with you.

[38:13] I mean, there's moments that are fun to talk about and I had a great time watching it with

[38:16] my two pals over here.

[38:18] You know what?

[38:19] If I'm watching it with Dan and Stuart, you, Lulu, and oh, that's three pals.

[38:24] And me, right?

[38:25] And me?

[38:26] Yeah, that's three pals.

[38:27] I mean, the big thing is anytime you have Nicolas Cage in a movie, you're really hoping

[38:32] you get a crazy Cage.

[38:33] Oh, yeah.

[38:34] Not like kind of the sad, drive-angry 3D Nicolas Cage.

[38:38] Or like the Bangkok dangerous Nicolas Cage.

[38:40] Yeah, so boring.

[38:41] He's just kind of a mannequin, you know?

[38:43] Like I want a crazy Cage.

[38:45] I want a spirit of vengeance.

[38:47] Well, that's why if you are thinking about watching Seeking Justice, don't.

[38:52] Go see Bad Lieutenant, Port of Call, New Orleans, which is totally crazy.

[38:57] Yeah, go see it at your local multi-place.

[38:59] Total craziness made by a good director.

[39:01] Yeah, that's true.

[39:02] Made by a good director who is also crazy.

[39:04] Donald Rodgerson?

[39:05] Well, here's what Roger Donaldson said.

[39:08] I will give it a marginal.

[39:13] Rated R.

[39:14] I'll give this one a marginal good bad just because like, I don't know, there's some part

[39:21] of me that sees this movie and it triggers a nostalgic memory of better, stupid thrillers

[39:28] from the late 80s, early 90s.

[39:30] It does feel like a throwback movie.

[39:32] And I kind of enjoy that.

[39:35] That's what I would say about this.

[39:36] If you're tired of watching like, I don't know, like what kind of movie would you compare

[39:40] this to?

[39:42] Like Nick of Time or something like that?

[39:44] Sure.

[39:45] Showgirls.

[39:46] No, not Showgirls.

[39:47] It's not at all like Showgirls.

[39:51] I think you mentioned The Net earlier, Stuart.

[39:53] FX2.

[39:54] Deadly Revolution.

[39:55] If you're tired of watching The Net or like Murder at 1600, then go ahead and watch Seeking

[39:59] Justice.

[40:00] Yeah.

[40:02] Faster than 57.

[40:04] Yeah, faster than 57.

[40:06] Absolute power.

[40:08] Oh yeah.

[40:10] Rising sun.

[40:12] We're moving on to the next segment.

[40:14] Sexual thrillers.

[40:16] Yeah, Jurassic Park.

[40:18] Of this bad movie podcast.

[40:20] Disclosure.

[40:22] The flop house movie mailbag, everyone.

[40:24] Okay, that's cool. What do we do here?

[40:26] I believe we read some letters,

[40:28] have some feelings.

[40:30] Let's be friends.

[40:32] Flop house mailbag time.

[40:34] It's time for pals to read letters

[40:36] from pals who send letters to

[40:38] pals at the flop house.

[40:42] Thank you.

[40:44] This letter is titled

[40:46] Attention

[40:48] Cool Uncle Stu.

[40:52] Wow, you're already old enough to be an uncle.

[40:54] News to me.

[40:56] That used to be cool. Dropout Stu

[40:58] who still hangs out at the high school.

[41:00] Care of the bastard son of Professor Frank

[41:02] and the Crypt Keeper

[41:04] or maybe Dan McCoy.

[41:06] What a real tongue twister, huh?

[41:08] Long time first time dudes.

[41:10] He's a long time first time dude.

[41:12] Speaking my language.

[41:14] I was having some minor problems

[41:16] streaming the Ass Cancer episode

[41:18] and found myself with a brief

[41:20] I would prefer this

[41:22] not be referred to as

[41:24] the January Jones rape episode.

[41:26] Let's call movies by their names

[41:28] not by the most offensive thing about them.

[41:30] Found myself with a brief interruption

[41:32] in the show while you're all debating

[41:34] the merits of

[41:36] and gender bias relating to

[41:38] front and rear orifices.

[41:40] During the pause

[41:42] I started thinking to myself

[41:44] the plural of orifice is probably

[41:46] going to be cleverly misstated in a moment.

[41:48] Maybe followed by a laugh-em-up

[41:50] about it being a character from

[41:52] Olympus After Dark or something.

[41:54] Not to be disappointed,

[41:56] Dan almost immediately

[41:58] stuttered the non-word orifices

[42:00] and I was delighted to see that

[42:02] after a brief reference to

[42:04] Ancient Greece by Eliot, of course,

[42:06] the riffing veered unexpectedly

[42:08] toward the plot of The Matrix.

[42:10] Hopefully that wasn't buried

[42:12] too deeply in pop culture references

[42:14] for the simple folk at the A.V. Club.

[42:16] Well, well.

[42:18] Hold for Stuart to say

[42:20] burn or something similar

[42:22] but totally awesome.

[42:24] Wait, no.

[42:26] Fuck, shit. Give me a second.

[42:28] So you're unprepared.

[42:30] Stick a fork in them, they're done.

[42:32] The A.V. Club has been very good to us.

[42:34] I don't know why the unnecessary attack

[42:36] on the A.V. Club. They've been very nice to us.

[42:38] Seriously.

[42:40] Or as they're known, the Avid Vegetarian Club.

[42:42] Right? That's what it's about.

[42:44] Seriously, just wanted to say

[42:46] you guys are hilarious. I'm indebted to you

[42:48] for all your excellent movie recommendations

[42:50] and for being my number one

[42:52] work-study distraction

[42:54] narrowly edging out

[42:56] the Duck Universe page on Wikipedia.

[42:58] Edward, last name withheld.

[43:00] P.S. Comic book authors drool

[43:02] obnoxious sports trivial

[43:04] ombudsman rule.

[43:06] Free David Kaelin.

[43:08] No, he will remain in jail.

[43:10] He'll remain in dungeon with an iron mask

[43:12] over his face that keeps him from seeing football.

[43:14] Yeah.

[43:16] You had some trouble

[43:18] reading that one, Dan. Are you okay?

[43:20] What's going on, buddy?

[43:22] Were you bitten by a snake or something?

[43:24] Right on the tongue.

[43:26] Why were you French kissing a snake, Dan?

[43:28] Their tongues are not satisfying.

[43:30] They're very thin and whip-like.

[43:32] I think it's well documented

[43:34] that I have trouble reading

[43:36] letters off of my

[43:38] iPad.

[43:40] Were you trying to steal a vole from the mouth of a snake?

[43:42] So you just grabbed at it

[43:44] with your mouth and you got bit?

[43:46] I think that's the only times voles are interacted with

[43:48] in the world is when snakes kill them.

[43:50] Yeah. Otherwise, they're loners.

[43:52] So this is

[43:54] titled...

[43:56] What was his name last name?

[43:58] Thanks for the letter, last guy I wrote in.

[44:00] We're glad you enjoyed the show

[44:02] and that it keeps you away from the Duck Universe page.

[44:04] This is titled Total Recall

[44:06] Through the Flophouse Synopsis.

[44:08] Dear floppers,

[44:10] I've only been listening to the podcast

[44:12] for about a year.

[44:14] I'm not sure why it took me so long to become a regular.

[44:16] Hey man, I still haven't read

[44:18] Proust and that's been around for like 100 years

[44:20] or something.

[44:22] I've grown to love and nay rely

[44:24] on Elliot's synopsis of each film.

[44:26] You see, as a bad movie lover

[44:28] myself, I've seen quite a few

[44:30] of these entries. The problem is I usually

[44:32] watch them with a head full of bullet bourbon

[44:34] to ease the pain.

[44:36] I don't remember the endings due to

[44:38] mild drunkenness or falling asleep

[44:40] after a long day.

[44:42] Thanks for filling me on the endings to

[44:44] In Time, Corner of the Barbarian,

[44:46] Season of the Witch, and Red Riding Hood.

[44:48] I look forward to being reminded

[44:50] of the endings of Solomon Cain, The Raven,

[44:52] and maybe even John Carpenter's The Ward

[44:54] which I'm watching right now.

[44:56] Man, I wish I could remember the ending

[44:58] to Space Jail, which I know Stuart

[45:00] recommended a few weeks back.

[45:02] Also, the realization

[45:04] that Stuart...

[45:06] Also, the realization that Stuart...

[45:08] Right out of your mouth.

[45:10] Jekyll Hyde Theory has me

[45:12] revisiting college conversations

[45:14] with Stuart, a twist

[45:16] where we

[45:18] discussed how KMFDM

[45:20] pretty much sucked, but were kind of awesome.

[45:22] Only this time we're talking to the more

[45:24] famous one of the two, Keep It Up Gents,

[45:26] Jim Strayer,

[45:28] last name not withheld.

[45:30] And what's weird is I talked to him

[45:32] in person the other day.

[45:34] And he didn't mention they wrote The Flaphouse?

[45:36] KMFDM.

[45:38] It's like a rock band.

[45:40] They do rock and roll music.

[45:42] They do the industrials.

[45:44] Like the Nine Inch Nails.

[45:46] Oh, like those nails you buy

[45:48] at hardware stores.

[45:50] So that was a Flaphouse

[45:52] fan letter from a real Flaphouse friend.

[45:54] I don't know. But you guys do.

[45:56] Sometimes Flaphouse fans become friends.

[45:58] And vice versa.

[46:00] Oh, that rarely happens.

[46:02] This is titled...

[46:04] That was a good twist, by the way.

[46:06] Real M. Night Shyamalan over here.

[46:08] Turned out he was dead the whole time or something.

[46:10] This is titled,

[46:12] Will Our Prayers Be Finally Answered?

[46:14] Deerflop Sensations.

[46:16] Given the fact that

[46:18] Disney now owns the rights to most

[46:20] Marvel properties,

[46:22] and the fact that the very ambitious

[46:24] crossover superhero movie The Avengers

[46:26] was a huge box office hit...

[46:28] Basically, all Disney needs

[46:30] to buy now is Nintendo and Ninja Turtles

[46:32] and they'll have my whole childhood.

[46:34] And now they have Star Wars also.

[46:36] Will we finally get the DuckTales

[46:38] slash Howard the Duck mashup movie

[46:40] we've craved for so long?

[46:42] Howard the DuckTales? Maybe.

[46:44] If so, what storyline

[46:46] would Emmy Award winning Dan McCoy

[46:48] and Elliot Kaelin

[46:50] and Golden Demon winning

[46:52] Stuart Willems

[46:54] craft for this dream project?

[46:56] Thanks for all the laughs.

[46:58] Catch you on the flop side.

[47:00] Stephen Lastman withheld.

[47:02] P.S. Is the Dark Knight Rises

[47:04] Bane the most famous

[47:06] Jewish Scotsman since Scrooge McDuck?

[47:08] Wait, whoa, just because

[47:10] he's stingy, he's Jewish?

[47:12] That is offensive.

[47:14] Incredibly offensive.

[47:16] There is a Jewish community in Scotland,

[47:18] though. Still, totally offensive.

[47:20] It's funny you mention that

[47:22] because we were doing...

[47:24] I thought McDuck was a Jewish name.

[47:26] No, Duckowitz is a Jewish name.

[47:28] We were doing

[47:30] a lot of Bane voice earlier.

[47:32] So Howard the DuckTales

[47:34] probably involves

[47:36] duck boobs or something.

[47:38] There's going to be a scene where Howard the Duck

[47:40] gives Huey, Dewey, and Louie their first taste of booze

[47:42] because Uncle Donald tells Howard

[47:44] to watch them or something

[47:46] while Uncle Donald goes down through a cave in a mummy's tomb

[47:48] or something.

[47:50] Obviously Howard's going to have to end up in

[47:52] Duckburg, but that could just be another town on the planet

[47:54] he lives on.

[47:56] The real question is

[47:58] how does Beverly, Howard the Duck's girlfriend,

[48:00] get there?

[48:02] Magic of the spell fucking casts a riddle

[48:04] of magic.

[48:06] And I assume she sleeps with Scrooge at some point?

[48:08] Of course she does.

[48:10] To get into his will?

[48:12] Yeah, and to get the number one done.

[48:14] Of course he's going to be in it.

[48:16] Hey, Beverly.

[48:18] I'm just as good as Howard.

[48:20] And you know that Howard's going to accidentally

[48:22] get into the Gizmoduck armor.

[48:24] It's going to be amazing.

[48:26] Now how do we get Darkwing into this?

[48:28] Easily. You write him into the script.

[48:30] That does seem pretty easy

[48:32] now that I think about it.

[48:34] I don't know why I didn't think of that.

[48:38] Oh, I broke Dan!

[48:40] I'm really more interested in

[48:42] trying to get this DuckTales-DuckDynasty

[48:44] crossover off the ground.

[48:46] DuckTales-Dynasty.

[48:48] Oh, that's sad.

[48:50] Well, not DuckTales and Dynasty.

[48:52] That's different.

[48:54] Okay, so who shot J.R. Duck?

[48:56] That's Dallas.

[48:58] I didn't watch that shit.

[49:00] So what's next?

[49:02] This is from Pat, last name withheld.

[49:06] His email is titled

[49:08] Full of Shame and Loathing.

[49:10] It's about you, Dan.

[49:12] It says, I have two unfortunate stories

[49:14] that seem appropriate to relay

[49:16] to those unfortunate souls.

[49:18] Yeah, because this is, what, the story house?

[49:20] I own the movies that have been discussed

[49:22] on this podcast.

[49:24] Oh, okay, I'd like to hear that.

[49:26] It paid for the making of them?

[49:28] Yeah, the producers.

[49:30] The first story begins on a normal night,

[49:32] much like tonight.

[49:34] Well, you don't know.

[49:36] This night's different from all other nights.

[49:38] Normally, we sit up or we recline.

[49:40] Tonight, we only recline.

[49:42] Normally, we eat leavened or unleavened bread.

[49:44] Tonight, only unleavened bread.

[49:46] Usually on a regular night,

[49:48] we skip a certain number of times.

[49:50] And I don't remember the other one.

[49:52] Thank you, our Jewish friend.

[49:54] Scottish Jewish friend.

[49:56] My father and I were quite bored

[49:58] so we decided it would be a good idea

[50:00] make a trip to the store to pick up a movie. We narrowed down our choice to the comedy genre,

[50:08] and we set out to find a suitable movie. As we looked through the shelves, we could not find

[50:13] any movie that was to our liking. Then, like a voice from the heavens, a bolt of lightning from

[50:19] the sky, our eyes landed upon it, the beloved classic from the noted auteurs Friedberg and

[50:25] Setzer, Meet the Spartans. We picked up our fine, paid, and left to go laugh so hard that it would

[50:34] retroactively award Meet the Spartans the Oscar for Best Movie Ever. When the movie ended, we

[50:48] looked at each other and tried to convince ourselves that we would have been better off

[50:53] taking our money and giving it to someone to stab us in the eyes many, many times.

[50:59] My second story is unfortunately just as bad. As I have gotten older, my family has realized

[51:12] the best Christmas gifts to purchase for me are DVDs. So, one Christmas, my grandmother hands

[51:18] me a present that is obviously a DVD of some sort. As I prepare to open it, wondering what

[51:25] treasures might be inside, perhaps a Blu-ray of my favorite film, upon what did my wandering eyes

[51:31] alight, which entry from the Criterion's collection would be inside beneath the thin

[51:37] wrapping, my mind began to go through the many possibilities that waited underneath the wrapping

[51:43] paper. To my horror, as I ripped open the final piece of wrapping paper, my eyes landed on the

[51:49] one movie I was not expecting, The Love Guru. I then proceeded to explain to my grandmother

[51:58] that this DVD should be burned immediately, like one of the creatures from The Thing.

[52:06] Then comes a twist in the story that not even M. Night Shyamalan could have seen coming.

[52:11] The next Christmas comes around, and once again, my grandma has purchased

[52:16] me what appears to be a DVD. I look at it and recount it as the last year's nightmare

[52:21] as I began to open the gift. What came next was one of the biggest shocks of my entire life.

[52:26] The gift was another copy of The Love Guru, except a deluxe version with special features.

[52:33] I then had a long discussion with my grandmother, explaining to her that she should probably stop

[52:38] buying me presents in the future.

[53:09] Saddest things in my mind.

[53:11] Seriously? Getting a bad DVD as a gift?

[53:14] You have lived a cushy life, my friend.

[53:17] I remember reading Amazon reviews of something, where I was reading an Amazon review of a

[53:26] microphone that you plug in to use for a karaoke video game.

[53:33] Story checks out.

[53:35] Wait, hold on.

[53:37] There's a review of this.

[53:38] I was probably busy having sex or something.

[53:41] There's an Amazon review of this, where this woman, this grandmother,

[53:47] talks about how she meant to buy her grandson one of those speakers that you can talk into

[53:59] while you're playing Call of Duty or some bullshit.

[54:01] Yeah, so you can pwn people.

[54:02] Yeah, exactly.

[54:05] The review of this is so sad, where she talks about how her grandson opened this and was

[54:11] disappointed because it wasn't the right thing.

[54:14] It's like, oh, Grandma didn't understand.

[54:18] My heart broke reading this Amazon review.

[54:23] It's just like, come on.

[54:24] It's no good getting old, you know.

[54:25] She's trying her hardest.

[54:27] This woman is trying her hardest.

[54:29] She's trying to bring you joy.

[54:30] Sure, she failed, but she's old.

[54:33] She doesn't know what she's doing.

[54:36] For her, all video game speakers are the same fucking thing, you know.

[54:40] Who gives a shit?

[54:41] And the words Grandma didn't understand are the most sad words you could read on the internet.

[54:50] I don't know.

[54:50] Well, maybe.

[54:51] They're among the saddest.

[54:52] It's sad enough that it has stuck with me, even though I was neither the person who received

[54:58] this gift, nor Grandma.

[55:01] So did you buy that microphone?

[55:03] I did buy that because I wanted a microphone for a karaoke game, so I understood.

[55:08] So funny.

[55:09] I knew what I was buying.

[55:11] I hope her review brought down the average rating of that microphone because she didn't

[55:16] understand.

[55:17] Well, look, I'm just going to say this.

[55:19] Relatives are going to give you bad gifts.

[55:21] It just happens.

[55:22] You say thank you, you return it, and you get something else.

[55:25] Yeah, for credit.

[55:26] This is our fucking public service announcement to our listeners.

[55:32] Say thank you to your elderly relatives.

[55:34] There was a time recently when I won't get into the details.

[55:37] They won't be around that much longer.

[55:39] I'll make them happy.

[55:40] I'll just change the details a little bit.

[55:42] Make them think like they know everything there is about microphones for video games.

[55:45] I'm not much of an actor.

[55:46] Sure, I've been on TV a couple times, but I received a gift.

[55:50] You may know him as Doodle Von Taintstein.

[55:52] I received a gift not too long ago, a couple years ago, from a close relative that was

[55:59] the least thoughtful gift I think I've ever received from anyone, maybe.

[56:04] And this is from someone, a very close relative, someone who should know better.

[56:08] And I gave the best damn acting job of my life in pretending that I was really happy

[56:13] to receive this terrible gift and not like insulted to the core.

[56:18] So if I can do it, someone who's not a very good actor, then anybody can do it.

[56:22] So what we're saying is all of our listeners are jerks.

[56:25] Not all of them, just most of them.

[56:27] And us too.

[56:28] Yeah.

[56:28] Suck it up, guys.

[56:29] Come on.

[56:30] Seriously though, fuck that grammar, am I right?

[56:31] Grandma doesn't give it, man.

[56:32] It's cool.

[56:34] So we're ending on a real bummer, huh?

[56:38] Yeah, Dan, why did you give us that letter last?

[56:42] There were more, but we're running long, so I kept it short.

[56:45] Okay.

[56:47] But anyway, thanks for writing in.

[56:48] We appreciate it.

[56:49] Thanks for listening.

[56:50] Stay golden.

[56:51] Yeah.

[56:52] Even though you're an asshole, you're not an asshole in one thing.

[56:56] Your decision to listen to the Flophouse.

[56:57] I'm sure he's not an asshole in many things.

[56:59] Yeah, I mean.

[57:00] Just that one thing.

[57:01] If anything, he's too honest.

[57:02] Maybe two things.

[57:03] If anything, his fatal flaw is being too honest.

[57:05] And really, if you're going to have a flaw, that's one of the best ones.

[57:07] He's opening up in front of Flophouse Nation.

[57:09] I'm just really impressed by Grandma's double burn there.

[57:13] I like to believe that the second one was a deliberate slam.

[57:16] The second DVD was like, oh, he was ungrateful the first time.

[57:20] He's getting this again.

[57:21] Oh, fuck me?

[57:22] No, fuck you.

[57:25] And Grandma wins.

[57:26] Checkmate, Grandma.

[57:30] Grandma didn't understand.

[57:32] Yeah, right.

[57:35] So anyway.

[57:36] No crime will go unpunished.

[57:38] Before she sticks like a stogie in her mouth.

[57:40] Seven pounds.

[57:41] She takes out her cigarette and puts it down on his arm.

[57:44] Yeah.

[57:44] The hungry rabbit jumps seven pounds.

[57:48] Seven meows.

[57:49] So what do we do now, Dan?

[57:51] What the fuck?

[57:52] Cat-themed musical?

[57:53] Yeah.

[57:55] So yeah, what do we do now, Dan?

[57:57] Now's the part.

[57:58] We go to sleep or something?

[57:59] No, now's the part of the podcast where we recommend a movie that we actually enjoyed

[58:04] in contrast to the shit that we just shed on.

[58:07] Oh, OK.

[58:09] First off, I'd like to recommend all the other great podcasts on the All Things Comedy Podcast

[58:13] Network.

[58:14] Like what, Stuart?

[58:15] Uh, oh man, let me come up with some.

[58:17] Uh, Walking the Room.

[58:18] Let's not forget Minivan Man.

[58:20] Yeah, Minivan Man.

[58:21] Monday Morning Podcast.

[58:22] Ari Shafir's Skeptic Tank.

[58:24] Uh, The Bone Zone.

[58:25] That's a new one.

[58:27] Baron Von's something.

[58:29] Oh, that's great.

[58:30] Uh, Longshot.

[58:32] Yeah, there's a shiller of them.

[58:33] Longshanks.

[58:34] Go to allthingscomedy.com for all of your comedy needs.

[58:39] Yeah, all things that are comedy are there.

[58:41] Literally all of the things.

[58:43] Or all the things that are there are comedy.

[58:45] I think that's what it means.

[58:46] Or maybe it's a comedy version of the All Thing, the Viking Meeting House, where they

[58:50] would democratically decide how the Vikings were going to be governed.

[58:54] The All Thing.

[58:56] Thanks for putting a punctuation point on that.

[58:59] But, um...

[59:01] So what do we do now, Dan?

[59:02] No, well, now I guess is when we talk about a film that we liked that, uh, we would recommend.

[59:09] I'm going to go first.

[59:10] I'm going to take the ball on this one, dude.

[59:11] OK, ball's in your court.

[59:12] Run with it.

[59:13] Run with it.

[59:13] Drive down the court.

[59:14] I think you guys all know that I like movies.

[59:16] Dominate the pain.

[59:17] OK, so let me describe a movie to you and you tell me if it sounds awesome.

[59:24] OK, this better not be one of the three movies you've described many times.

[59:28] OK, and this teacher turns himself invisible and it drives him crazy.

[59:33] He kills a guy with a submarine sandwich.

[59:36] He jumps on a guy's head and smashes it.

[59:41] What, some kind of non-visible maniac?

[59:44] It's actually called The Invisible Maniac.

[59:46] It's called The Unseeable Crazy Guy?

[59:50] I don't think that encapsulates what the movie's about because he's also a teacher.

[59:54] Wait, how's that?

[59:55] So if you just said crazy guy, like, maniac makes him sound more like a teacher.

[59:59] No, it doesn't.

[1:00:00] And then he shoots this other invisible guy with a shotgun at the end.

[1:00:04] Wait, what?

[1:00:05] Spoiler alert.

[1:00:06] Oh, come on.

[1:00:07] You know you're going to see another invisible guy get killed when you go see the Invisible

[1:00:10] Maniac.

[1:00:11] So, Invisible Maniac.

[1:00:13] Or you could watch, I think it's called Invisible, The Chronicles of Brian Knight, which is another

[1:00:17] movie about a guy who turns invisible.

[1:00:19] It's the sequel to the movie Mandroid.

[1:00:23] So that's your recommendation.

[1:00:24] Or I don't know, go fucking watch Circuitry Man or some shit, I don't know.

[1:00:30] Sorry, Vernon Wells.

[1:00:31] So your recommendation is Invisible Maniac, one of your old standbys, or Circuitry Man

[1:00:36] or some shit.

[1:00:37] Or go watch Split Second with Rugger Hauer, where he plays the, where he plays the...

[1:00:46] Stewart is like HBO at two in the morning, just playing in your head all the time.

[1:00:50] Or just watch some alien knockoff shit like Split Second.

[1:00:57] Split Second's great because that's the one where Rugger Hauer plays the detective, the

[1:01:00] hard-boiled detective, who's addicted to chocolate.

[1:01:03] Oh, sure, yeah.

[1:01:04] Just watch, just watch Tall Man vs. the Demonic Toys or some shit.

[1:01:08] I've recommended that in earnest before.

[1:01:10] I'm not saying...

[1:01:12] Just watch Stephen King's The Langoliers or something.

[1:01:14] I'm not saying I don't love Split Second starring Rugger Hauer.

[1:01:18] I'm just saying if you're going to recommend it, recommend it with some conviction.

[1:01:21] For God's sakes, man.

[1:01:22] I think it's great.

[1:01:23] Just watch fucking Life Force or something.

[1:01:25] Just random movies coming out of Stewart.

[1:01:27] I'll recommend it.

[1:01:29] You know what?

[1:01:31] I'm struggling.

[1:01:32] I feel like Stewart just looks through the TV guide beforehand and goes, I'll just say

[1:01:36] Invisible Maniac and then a bunch of these.

[1:01:40] Spies, Lies and Naked Thighs.

[1:01:43] That's what I recommend.

[1:01:44] What is that?

[1:01:45] It's a TV movie.

[1:01:46] Wait, what?

[1:01:47] I don't know that one.

[1:01:48] You said it like we knew about it.

[1:01:51] You said it as if we were all going to get that and then laugh at it.

[1:01:55] It's a TV movie from the 90s.

[1:01:58] About what?

[1:01:59] It's like a weird spy comedy.

[1:02:01] What's the TV movie where Tiffany Evertheisen loses her memory or something or someone gets

[1:02:06] killed and she needs to get revenge?

[1:02:08] She's in a hot tub at one point.

[1:02:10] Hot tub revenge machine.

[1:02:11] I think that's what it is.

[1:02:13] It's a hot tub powered by revenge.

[1:02:15] She's a mandroid in that one.

[1:02:17] So, I've already done my recommendation, assholes.

[1:02:20] Up to your turn, Dan.

[1:02:22] Oh, Stewart, you've done more than enough.

[1:02:23] You recommended like 18 movies.

[1:02:25] So, I was thinking about what to recommend.

[1:02:27] I'm going to recommend a movie directed by Roger Donaldson who directed tonight's film,

[1:02:33] which I've already forgotten what we watched.

[1:02:36] We watched Seeking Justice.

[1:02:38] So, you're going to recommend Dante's Inferno, right?

[1:02:41] No.

[1:02:42] Was it Dante's Peak?

[1:02:43] Was that what it was?

[1:02:44] He directed a little movie called The Bank Job with Jason Statham.

[1:02:49] If you want a nice, low-key, gritty heist film starring your friend and mine, Jason Statham.

[1:02:58] Yeah, that dude's jacked.

[1:03:01] Then The Bank Job is a very enjoyable, just stripped down heist film.

[1:03:09] They stripped down?

[1:03:10] It's like a naked heist film?

[1:03:11] Yeah.

[1:03:12] It's like Sexy Beast.

[1:03:14] Oh, yeah, because they go swimming.

[1:03:16] Yeah.

[1:03:17] So, that's my recommendation.

[1:03:18] The Bank Job, huh?

[1:03:19] Yeah, The Bank Job.

[1:03:20] You're sticking with that one?

[1:03:21] Yeah, sure.

[1:03:22] Okay.

[1:03:23] I haven't seen a lot of movies lately, but one I saw that I did enjoy, I didn't –

[1:03:28] It's from 1910.

[1:03:29] It's from 1910.

[1:03:30] It's called Edison's Sneeze Test.

[1:03:34] It's from the earth to the bank job.

[1:03:37] But I recently watched a movie I had – I'm kind of surprised I'd never seen before,

[1:03:41] which was Reds with Warren Beatty, that Warren Beatty also directed, which I actually enjoyed

[1:03:46] a lot, and it's a movie that –

[1:03:48] It's a movie about communists.

[1:03:50] Well, yeah.

[1:03:51] It's a movie about the early 20th century kind of socialist communist intelligentsia

[1:03:58] in America and their relationship with the Russian Revolution and specifically reporter

[1:04:02] John Reed, who was an American radical reporter who went to Russia and witnessed the revolution

[1:04:08] and then tried to get involved in it and became disillusioned with it, and it stars him and

[1:04:13] Diane Keaton and Jack Nicholson, and it's this big epic of a type that Hollywood doesn't

[1:04:20] quite do anymore the same way, and in some ways, it's this very old-fashioned epic

[1:04:24] romance set on a historical scale loosely based on a true story, and in some ways, it's

[1:04:30] a very kind of risky avant-garde movie in that he peppers the movie with real interviews

[1:04:38] with the actual people who were there at the time and then intersperses that with film

[1:04:43] scenes and sometimes has the audio from one bleed into the other.

[1:04:47] There are a couple of scenes that he does in a very interesting kind of super shorthand

[1:04:51] to get an idea across, and for a three-hour movie, it moves pretty well.

[1:04:56] It drags a little bit at times, but it moves really well, and it's a good old-fashioned

[1:05:01] movie that was made in the 80s, so it's still in color and all that stuff, so you

[1:05:05] don't have to worry about that.

[1:05:07] If you ever want to see being there author Jerzy Kosinski in a movie, he's in it as

[1:05:12] the Soviet minister Zinoviev.

[1:05:14] So munchies.

[1:05:16] So munchies. No, Reds. So Reds, I would recommend.

[1:05:19] You're not recommending munchies.

[1:05:20] Or munchies.

[1:05:22] And if we had more time, I would talk about how Reds does a few things that I wish Lincoln

[1:05:26] had done, but we don't have time, so you'll just have to ponder that.

[1:05:29] What, like interviews with people who were actually there?

[1:05:31] Well, that's one of the things I wish they could have done, but they can't.

[1:05:34] Like interviews with the vampire?

[1:05:36] Exactly like that, Dan.

[1:05:37] Ways in terms of making the characters more characters than just impersonations of real

[1:05:46] historical figures, but also it does what Lincoln does well in a lot of ways, which

[1:05:50] is intermixing the ideas of a time with the events of a time in a dramatic way.

[1:05:54] It's a movie about the ideas of how society can be reorganized and how that works or doesn't

[1:06:00] work, but there's also like a romance and adventure scenes and things like that.

[1:06:04] So it's like, you're talking about Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter again?

[1:06:08] No, no, I'm talking about Reds Vampire Hunter.

[1:06:10] Oh, okay.

[1:06:11] I didn't know the Lincoln you were talking about.

[1:06:14] You're not talking about what Abraham Lincoln Vampire Hunter does?

[1:06:17] No, no, the Lincoln.

[1:06:18] No, the Spielberg Lincoln.

[1:06:19] That one.

[1:06:20] Spielberg Lincoln, the guy.

[1:06:21] Okay.

[1:06:22] This is the last flop house of 2012.

[1:06:27] We probably should have done like our best of 2012s or something like that.

[1:06:31] Well, we'll do that in 2013.

[1:06:34] Okay, we'll do that in 2013.

[1:06:36] Yeah, you can't really take the flavor of a year until you're outside it.

[1:06:40] You know what I mean?

[1:06:41] Much like an enchilada.

[1:06:43] It's very hard to take the flavor of an enchilada until you're outside the enchilada.

[1:06:46] So you can eat it.

[1:06:47] You're totally right.

[1:06:48] If you're inside it and you're just eating your way out of an enchilada, you're more

[1:06:52] terrified.

[1:06:53] You're more like worried about suffocating inside it.

[1:06:55] Deliciously terrified.

[1:06:56] That's why it's called an enchilada.

[1:06:58] Well, I'm not even going to dignify that.

[1:07:01] You wake up.

[1:07:02] Yeah, exactly.

[1:07:03] You wake up.

[1:07:04] All you remember is going into the parking garage in the mall and feeling a bump on the

[1:07:08] back of your head.

[1:07:09] When you wake up, you're inside a giant enchilada and Mexican jigsaw is out there.

[1:07:14] Would you like to play a game?

[1:07:16] You have to eat your way out of this enchilada in five minutes or eat your own legs, senor.

[1:07:22] It's called an Elsa.

[1:07:24] It's racist.

[1:07:26] Anyway.

[1:07:27] For the flop house.

[1:07:28] Now, on that note, yeah, I've been Stuart Wellington.

[1:07:31] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:07:32] And as much as I try to change, I'm still Elliot Kalin.

[1:07:36] So, tune into the movie house.

[1:07:38] No.

[1:07:39] Wait.

[1:07:40] No.

[1:07:41] So wrong.

[1:07:42] So wrong.

[1:07:43] Wait, is that how we're signing off now?

[1:07:45] Good night, everyone.

[1:07:56] So, what are we doing?

[1:08:00] I think Dan has to start doing a podcast.

[1:08:02] Yeah.

[1:08:03] Okay.

[1:08:04] Are you going to give us the count?

[1:08:05] I'm going to give us the Count Von Count in three.

[1:08:10] Enough of your jokes.

[1:08:11] Two.

The Flop House: Episode #117 - Seeking Justice

Transcript

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