The Flop House: Episode #119 - The Odd Life of Timothy Green

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss The Odd Life of Timothy Green,

[0:03] the film that turns the inability to have a child into a whimsical fantasy.

[0:30] Hey everyone and welcome to the Flophouse

[0:37] I'm Dan McCoy

[0:38] Every single time

[0:41] So you're Dan McCoy

[0:43] Someday Stuart will learn

[0:45] And what's your name Stuart Wellington?

[0:46] I'm Stuart Wellington

[0:47] And who am I Elliot Kalin? Why I'm Elliot Kalin? Thank you for asking

[0:50] We should switch it around

[0:52] All three names together again

[0:55] If we switch it around I'll interrupt Elliot next time

[0:57] Okay

[0:57] Fair enough. Or not fair.

[1:00] Someday never comes.

[1:01] So, welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:03] Tomorrow never knows.

[1:04] Tomorrow never dies.

[1:06] Hey, it's our listeners at the door. They want to enter the Flophouse.

[1:09] Let them in, Stuart.

[1:11] Setting the table.

[1:13] Talk about Meowvies.

[1:15] What do we do here? We talk about a movie?

[1:17] We talk about a bad Meowvie that we see.

[1:19] That we just Meowched.

[1:20] We watch a bad Meowvie and then we talk about it

[1:24] for about an hour.

[1:25] And sometimes it stars Nicolas Cage.

[1:27] But this time it didn't.

[1:28] This time it starred a cavalcade of stars.

[1:33] Yeah.

[1:33] But the movie...

[1:35] A cavalcade of stars?

[1:36] No, Nicolas Cage is not involved.

[1:38] We shouldn't talk about Cage.

[1:39] I'm sorry.

[1:39] I just wanted to make a reference to the trailer for the movie Stolen and then move on.

[1:46] You're giving everyone cage balls, Elliot.

[1:48] That's the problem.

[1:49] It hurts for a guy when that happens.

[1:51] Yeah, it does.

[1:51] We watched a little movie called The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[1:56] And boy, was it odd.

[1:58] It was the oddest.

[1:59] Whose fucking choice was this?

[2:01] It was Elliot's.

[2:02] This was my choice.

[2:03] It was dead set.

[2:04] And I'll tell you why.

[2:06] Because this was a movie outside of our normal comfort zone.

[2:08] This is a family film.

[2:10] This is a sappy, sentimental family film.

[2:13] There are no action scenes.

[2:14] There's no monster violence.

[2:17] There's no blood.

[2:18] There's no Nicolas Cage.

[2:19] No Nicolas Cage.

[2:21] I wanted us to do something that was a little bit different.

[2:24] Like, sometimes we step out of our zone and we do it like a little bit of heaven or a seven pounds or a Beverly Hills' Chihuahuas.

[2:32] And, you know, sometimes that's a little bit of magic.

[2:34] So I wanted us to step outside of our comfort zone this time.

[2:37] And, boy, was this an unusual film.

[2:40] It was odd, if you will.

[2:41] Oddly boring.

[2:43] Elliot, why don't you sum it up?

[2:46] Try and speed it up a little.

[2:48] Okay.

[2:48] Fucking get through this.

[2:49] It's not a lot happens in this movie.

[2:51] So Jennifer Garner and what's his face?

[2:56] Joel Edgerton.

[2:57] Joel Edgerton, what?

[2:58] Joel Edgerton.

[2:59] Zero Dark Thirty's guy.

[3:01] Yeah, and Warrior, a movie I recommend.

[3:03] And he's in Warrior.

[3:04] They are a married couple in a town called Stanleyville.

[3:09] With very noticeable skull structures.

[3:12] Yeah.

[3:12] They have very defined skulls.

[3:14] Sharp cheekbones.

[3:14] Cheekbones you can grate cheese on.

[3:17] And they live in the pencil capital of the world.

[3:20] And we know this because there's a barn that says it, there's a pencil factory, there are giant pencils in the streets.

[3:25] Pencil-themed soccer team.

[3:26] The local soccer team is the erasers.

[3:28] And the camera pans past these things about a million times.

[3:31] There's a lot of pencils in this movie.

[3:32] So pencil it in, won't you, and then erase it.

[3:35] They are a married couple and they want to have a child very badly, but they can't.

[3:40] It is genetically impossible.

[3:42] God has taken his thumb and stuck it in her womb to stop up any babies from getting in there.

[3:47] Her uterus is a barren place where a seed can find no purchase.

[3:50] Yeah, there's just tumbleweeds.

[3:51] Thanks for making me think of a movie I actually like, Dan.

[3:54] Phantasm?

[3:55] Yep.

[3:56] So we're talking about Phantasm tonight.

[3:59] So they decide they're so sad because they can't have children, which is sad.

[4:04] It's very sad.

[4:05] This movie starts out in a very sad place.

[4:07] It starts out very sad.

[4:08] It's like Up in terms of starting out sad, except not as good.

[4:11] They decide they're going to write down on pieces of paper the things that their ideal child would have.

[4:18] a great heart, he'd be funny, he'd rock, he'd win.

[4:22] Some of these are pretty shallow things.

[4:24] He'd be artistic.

[4:25] And he would shoot the winning goal.

[4:28] He'd kick the winning goal in a soccer game.

[4:30] And they'd take all these things and they'd put it in a little box.

[4:33] In a scene that would have worked if it was in a musical, I think.

[4:37] Yes.

[4:38] I think you brought that up.

[4:38] They were singing about that.

[4:40] We can talk about this, but this is a movie that isn't –

[4:44] It's super earnest.

[4:45] It's not stylized enough.

[4:45] It's very earnest and very realistically shot except with the light.

[4:50] The colors are very bright and everything.

[4:51] It has all these fantasy elements, but it is super earnest and super – like everyone plays it real and it's very sad because of it.

[5:00] And quiet and subdued.

[5:01] And this is a scene that would work very well in a musical, like singing about the different traits they would want their ideal son to have.

[5:07] He'd have heart.

[5:08] Oh, he'd have such heart.

[5:10] He'd be good at art.

[5:11] You know, that kind of shit.

[5:12] Anyway, so I like musicals.

[5:14] I didn't think you were actually going to start singing about it.

[5:16] Yes, you did.

[5:17] Come on.

[5:17] You know I love to sing.

[5:18] He would rock, rock the house.

[5:21] He'd be quiet as a mouse.

[5:23] Wow.

[5:25] The musical theater lost a lyricist when you went into podcasting.

[5:29] He'd speak fluent German.

[5:30] Raus, raus.

[5:32] Anyway, so they write it down and put it in a little box

[5:36] and then bury it in their garden because, hey.

[5:38] And it's being reminiscent of a child burial.

[5:41] What better way to open your movie than with a symbolic funeral for a child?

[5:45] In a tragedy box.

[5:47] And then later that night, they wake up, and there's a hole in the garden, and some kind of dirt creature has been running around the house.

[5:54] A dirt child.

[5:55] Because they find dirt everywhere, and there's a filthy child, like a 10-year-old child, just in their house.

[6:01] So they threw some kind of creepy ritual, summoned this child demon from another plane.

[6:06] They burned a wicker man.

[6:07] We have to assume that Disney cut out the part where Jennifer Garner dropped her menstrual blood onto the ground to fertilize the soil for a human flesh.

[6:15] I don't know.

[6:15] But it turns out this little boy, he calls himself Timothy, and he has leaves on his legs because he's a plant boy.

[6:23] Like a puck.

[6:23] Like one of your pucks.

[6:25] Like one of your punks or one of your swamps things.

[6:27] You know, one of your plant men, one of your floronic mans.

[6:31] One of your triffids.

[6:32] Triffids had no human qualities to them.

[6:35] They could walk, but they're just plant monsters.

[6:37] One of your Audrey's too.

[6:38] Yeah, exactly.

[6:39] Your Audrey's too.

[6:40] Anyway, one of your plants men.

[6:43] So he's a plant boy, and they are such very worried, anxious, hyperprotective parents.

[6:50] And he goes through a series of weird little incidents.

[6:53] He gets beat up.

[6:57] Not beat up.

[6:57] He gets kind of like taunted by kids at school.

[6:59] But he doesn't seem to mind.

[7:01] He has a crush on a slightly older girl.

[7:03] Yeah, he's 11 and there's a 14-year-old girl that he has a crush on, which...

[7:09] And they become best friends after...

[7:11] Seems weird in the context of the movie.

[7:12] Because she's got a weird birthmark that looks like Africa.

[7:15] Yeah, they're both different.

[7:17] She sees his leaves and he sees her birthmark.

[7:19] And he draws a picture of somebody and he's super talented.

[7:24] He has this preternatural wisdom, like he's very serene and still.

[7:28] He walked out of an M. Night Shyamalan.

[7:30] Kind of.

[7:30] He speaks precociously like as if he's an adult, but it's one of these movies where there's like this thin tightrope between precocious wisdom and autism or mental retardation where he kind of is like wise beyond his years in one scene, but another scene he doesn't get like how a diving board works or what soccer is, you know.

[7:52] We should watch him try and figure it out in slow motion.

[7:54] We should watch many, many slow motion shots of his beaming saintly face.

[7:59] But he's also like a magical child who shows up and seems to know the rules of his own existence but does not feel that he needs to let anyone else in.

[8:09] Like a dud-its.

[8:10] A what?

[8:11] Like a dud-its from the Dreamcatchers.

[8:13] Oh, right.

[8:14] Weirdly enough, Timothy Green builds a shitload of Dreamcatchers with his new friend.

[8:18] Yeah, I thought you meant the apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, which is a very different thing.

[8:22] The apprenticeship of Lenny Kravitz, which is a really different thing.

[8:25] The apprenticeship of Lenny Kravitz.

[8:26] Yeah.

[8:28] Anyway, what were we talking about?

[8:30] I don't know. Words that sound like other words.

[8:32] He seems to know the – he shows up. He speaks perfect English.

[8:36] He seems to know everything about his own mystical being, but he doesn't tell anybody, and he doesn't know much of anything about human interaction.

[8:42] And he manages to, through his wise, saintly presence, solve a couple people's problems.

[8:50] He helps heal a rift between his new dad and his dad's dad.

[8:55] He saves the local – the local pencil factory is going to be shut down, and he inspires his parents to invent a new type of pencil made out of leaves.

[9:02] He helps an old guy shuffle off this mortal coil through laughter.

[9:07] Yeah, he helps his grandfather laugh his way into the grave.

[9:09] Played by M. Emmett Walsh.

[9:11] Played by M. Emmett Walsh.

[9:13] Basically, he's like the Incredible Hulk.

[9:17] He wanders into the town, solves people's problems, and then it's time for him to go.

[9:20] Because each time he fulfills the promise of one of the things his parents wanted him to do when they wrote out their notes, he loses a leaf.

[9:28] And as we all know from A Thousand Words, what happens when you run out of leaves?

[9:31] Yeah, you got to die.

[9:32] That's why the trees all die in the winter.

[9:34] So in the end, Timothy—

[9:37] He pulls a Pete's dragon and disappears, right?

[9:40] Kind of.

[9:41] He doesn't leave a body behind, right?

[9:43] Yeah, he doesn't, like, crumble into, like, mulch or something.

[9:47] He just turns back into that sad child cigar box that he started out as.

[9:54] That's true, yeah, because they find that in it.

[9:55] Yeah, they didn't find the box.

[9:56] They just found the pieces of paper.

[9:58] No, they find the box.

[9:59] Oh, they did.

[9:59] Because inside, this whole story is being told.

[10:01] Here's your framing story.

[10:02] This whole story is perhaps one of the stupidest.

[10:05] This whole story is being told by the parents to a woman who works at an adoption agency

[10:10] in order to convince her to give them a kid.

[10:13] Played by Shora, I don't know her last name, but she was in the House of Sunfog.

[10:17] But they're like, hey, you know what would convince them to give us a living human child?

[10:21] If we told a crazy story about a plant boy that grew out of our garden,

[10:25] and then we couldn't even take care of him and he died.

[10:27] Yeah, but if they do it really well, you got a kid on the way.

[10:31] Oh, if it's going to be an amazing story.

[10:33] Do you think the problem with it was they just didn't water Timothy Green?

[10:35] It's possible.

[10:36] For sure.

[10:37] The one time we saw him in water, he was in a pool, and the chlorine couldn't have been good for him.

[10:40] Yeah, no.

[10:41] He couldn't even really – well, he could swim.

[10:44] He was just trying to trick that poor girl into coming down to get kicked in the face.

[10:46] So she could kick him in the face.

[10:48] So he meets this girl by – she sees him sitting on the bottom of the pool, thinks he's drowning, goes to save him and tries to –

[10:55] After an amazing diving board scene.

[10:57] And sees of him just bouncing on that diving board for about seven hours.

[11:01] Looking like a doof.

[11:02] And she starts pulling down his socks and sees the leaves on his ankle.

[11:07] That's what I'd do if I was a girl.

[11:08] And he kicks her in the head just trying to get his feet out of her hands, but they become friends.

[11:13] Her mother doesn't – and his mother, for some reason, does not approve of him having a friend.

[11:17] She's like 5, 7, 10 years older than him.

[11:20] Yeah, 10 years older than him.

[11:22] She's 21 years old.

[11:24] No, she's – Jennifer Garner is worried that this fast girl of 14 is going to corrupt her son of 11.

[11:31] She has a leather jacket, I think.

[11:33] Yeah, she rides around on a bicycle.

[11:35] Not a motorcycle, just a bicycle.

[11:37] now this and so old-timey pencil town a motorcycle is rough enough yeah in uh timothy green dies he

[11:45] leaves a letter behind saying you were great parents written in pencil written in pencil

[11:49] because the whole movie is about fucking pencils and this is it's weird that the main theme of

[11:54] this movie seems to be the importance of pencils but uh and at the end that's right the dad works

[12:02] at the pencil factory

[12:02] and the mom is a tour guide.

[12:04] As a pencil quality inspector.

[12:05] As a quality inspector,

[12:06] which means just

[12:06] picking up pencils

[12:07] and looking at them

[12:08] and then throwing them away.

[12:09] And the mom is the tour...

[12:11] Only the highest quality

[12:12] of pencil.

[12:13] The mom is the tour guide

[12:14] at the historic pencil house?

[12:16] Like, what is it exactly?

[12:17] It's the pencil museum

[12:20] run by Diane Weiss.

[12:21] Well, okay.

[12:22] You mentioned Diane Weiss.

[12:23] Oh, and at the end of the movie,

[12:24] the adoption agency...

[12:25] A period of Diane Weiss.

[12:26] The adoption agency

[12:27] brings a kid,

[12:27] brings them a new daughter.

[12:29] Yeah, the adoption agency

[12:30] is like,

[12:30] We believed your crazy Timothy Green story, so have an Asian daughter.

[12:35] Your story about killing a vegetable boy.

[12:38] Why does it have to be Asian? You could have just said daughter.

[12:39] Yeah, I don't know why you had to highlight her.

[12:40] Is it because they called her Lily?

[12:42] I do think it's funny that they call her Lily, which is the name of the Asian adopted daughter in the modern family.

[12:47] They could have called her Jade or Asia.

[12:50] Katana.

[12:50] Sure, fortune cookie.

[12:52] Melina, any number.

[12:53] All of these things.

[12:54] Great wall.

[12:55] 2008 Olympics.

[12:58] Number one happy panda.

[12:59] Sure.

[13:00] golden luck dragon food happy joy son all these things

[13:06] whatever the name yep mushu too far dan okay i've had a movie's character from mulan and that

[13:15] is shocking we didn't say mulan we should have said mulan i don't even think she's chinese the

[13:21] girl in the movie she looks like she looks like she's like indonesian you know yeah sure probably

[13:26] Let's do an IMDb after this.

[13:28] Yeah, well, IMDb it.

[13:29] But you mentioned Diane Wiest, and we'll get to the hair on her chin.

[13:36] Now, there's a big cast in this movie.

[13:39] There's a really good cast.

[13:40] You got Diane Wiest.

[13:42] Who else is in it?

[13:43] Ron Livingston.

[13:44] Yeah.

[13:45] Rosemary DeWitt.

[13:46] Rosemary DeWitt.

[13:47] David Morse.

[13:48] David Morse.

[13:49] And Emmett Walsh.

[13:50] And Emmett Walsh.

[13:51] Rosemary DeWitt playing her perfect character of the disapproving sister.

[13:55] the disapproving snobby sister yeah uh it's like rachel getting married decided to move to a town

[14:01] made out of pencils and disapprove of a plant boy and common isn't it as the hip hopster as the

[14:09] soccer coach who takes an immediate dislike to timothy green here's the weird thing about the

[14:12] movie oh and also uh lin-manuel rivera i think his name is the creator of in the heights and

[14:18] star of in the heights when it opened is also in this in two scenes as a botanist yeah and the and

[14:24] And, I mean, it's not an actor, but as you noted, the cinematographer won back-to-back Academy Awards.

[14:30] And this is, I have to say, a beautiful-looking movie.

[14:34] Like, technically, it is a lovely movie.

[14:36] If any movie captures the beauty of autumn, it's The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[14:41] If any movie fails to provide a story to go with those autumn colors, it is The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[14:48] You won't see a sad movie about a plant boy that has some beautiful trees turning colors.

[14:53] The thing is also, and Dan made the point when we were watching the movie, instead of solving everyone's problems, this family should have just moved out of the pencil town.

[14:59] Because everyone there is a jerk.

[15:01] This is a depressed town based on a pencil factory that's clearly failing.

[15:06] Well, there is no more antiquated technology than a pencil.

[15:10] Maybe a rock that you use to open a coconut is more antiquated than a pencil.

[15:16] But then also, the main problem with this family is you've got Rosemary DeWitt, who is a bitch about this new kid.

[15:24] And how much better her kids are.

[15:26] Yeah, and then David Morris.

[15:27] I mean, her kids are really great, though.

[15:28] He plays the bassoon.

[15:29] He plays, I don't know, a violin or some shit.

[15:32] And the best that Timothy Green can do is hit a percussive instrument to the beat of Lowrider so that his family can sing along with him.

[15:40] And then inspire the actual version of the song, Lowrider, to just start playing out of nowhere.

[15:45] play well apparently these are very low rent wishes by the way there's like oh we want our

[15:50] son to rock and that translates to him to lowrider i think you're being charitable to say that low

[15:55] rider is rocking yeah no but that's what i'm saying these are low rent dresses and like he

[16:00] all he can do is do the cowbell part to low rider which is a pretty mellow song there's not a lot of

[16:05] rocking in that but then you got uh the dad's dad david morse is just a dick about it's just a jerk

[16:12] yeah he's a dick

[16:13] like his son

[16:14] your typical abusive dad

[16:16] played by

[16:16] by movies

[16:17] Joel Edgerton

[16:18] movies

[16:19] should have just been like

[16:19] fuck this guy

[16:20] I don't need

[16:21] like he doesn't

[16:22] I don't know why

[16:23] he is pursuing

[16:23] his father's love so much

[16:25] the

[16:25] I don't pursue

[16:26] my dad's love all the time

[16:28] dad if you're listening

[16:28] I didn't mean that

[16:30] dad if you're listening

[16:31] love me please

[16:31] I'll do anything

[16:33] I'll do anything

[16:33] I'll kick the winning

[16:34] soccer goal

[16:34] I'll rock

[16:35] I'll be artistic

[16:37] whatever it takes

[16:38] I'll have leaves on my legs

[16:39] whatever

[16:39] I'll glue them on

[16:40] there's

[16:41] I'll cowbell it up

[16:42] so like ron livingston who runs the pencil factory is a jerk uh common who is the soccer coach hates

[16:49] timothy green will not put him into play for no real reason like he's not good at it but it's a

[16:53] kid's soccer team like everyone's supposed to play you know and when he finally puts him in he says

[16:58] you stand there and don't move at all like that's the instruction to the point that he ignores the

[17:03] ball and the players that are actually trying to score goals just focuses on keeping this kid from

[17:08] moving i mean he probably should have focused harder because he ends up scoring a goal for

[17:13] the other team spoiler alert yeah spoiler alert by the way we already mentioned that timothy green

[17:17] dies but spoiler alert when he kicks the winning goal it's for the other team by accident after

[17:21] he laughed there were big laughs there that was like the comedic set piece after he showboats

[17:26] playing soccer for a long time timothy green yeah he's really good at soccer he's not so good at

[17:31] knowing which direction he's maybe just like for a second he has to power up first from the sun

[17:35] and then he does all these fucking fancy footworks.

[17:37] It does.

[17:38] He gets his power from the Earth's yellow sun.

[17:39] Yeah, the other coach is like,

[17:41] fucking take him out.

[17:42] Kick him in the knees.

[17:43] Swipe his legs.

[17:44] Which is crazy.

[17:45] Sweep the legs.

[17:45] This is a kid's soccer game.

[17:47] Also, the fact that their team is called the Erasers

[17:49] because it's a pencil town.

[17:50] The other team is called the Bone Crushers.

[17:52] What does that town make you wonder?

[17:53] I assume that's the town that makes the roller coaster

[17:55] from Nothing But Trouble.

[17:56] That's the only explanation I can come up with.

[18:00] Accurate.

[18:01] It's an accurate reference.

[18:02] I mean, they have a lot of aggression

[18:04] because that's the only thing they've ever made as a town ever.

[18:07] Yeah, it's just one roller coaster for Judge Quinn Cannon.

[18:11] For a great movie.

[18:12] For maybe the worst movie ever made by a movie studio.

[18:17] So bad.

[18:19] Now, there's a great cast in this movie, but they don't get much to do.

[18:22] The script is pretty underwritten and half-baked.

[18:25] The direction is kind of subdued and not very interesting.

[18:28] Like we were saying, this should have been like a heightened fairy tale of a movie,

[18:32] Maybe a musical, but it's just like everyone kind of just like, yeah, Timothy Green, wow, you're a real interesting kid.

[18:39] I don't think you would have lost anything by making it a musical.

[18:40] No, you could only have gained.

[18:42] Like this is one of the few movies where I'm like if they transferred this to Broadway to make it into a musical, they'd have a real chance at improving it because basically just keep the idea of a plant kid and put some songs in there, change the ending so he doesn't die.

[18:56] You got yourself a hit.

[18:57] Call it Hairspray 2, the musical, or maybe Book of Mormon 2.

[19:02] yeah well you can let him die for a while and then he shows up at the end he's like i'm not

[19:07] really dead well i mean it's spring again spring has sprung i'm back it's spring sad then you get

[19:13] the happy that's how there were like a lot of reviews of uh the new uh blu-ray of uh of little

[19:19] shop of horrors with like the original ending that pointed out that it's a lot less harsh on broadway

[19:25] to kill your main characters because they show up then at the end to take about that's true and so

[19:32] So, like, the same thing for Timothy Green, who's like, oh, okay, you know, oh, Timothy Green's still alive.

[19:37] There he is, bowing and waving at the audience.

[19:40] Yeah.

[19:40] That'd be fine.

[19:41] You don't have a crazy overreaction.

[19:42] I mean, this movie takes itself so seriously that we discussed while we were watching, like, I don't know who this movie's for.

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:50] It's not for kids.

[19:51] It's not for adults because it's desperately sad.

[19:53] It's about...

[19:54] It's too sad for kids, and it's too, like, light, whimsical kid movie for adults.

[20:00] Yeah, but the first...

[20:01] And I like kids' movies.

[20:03] When I was a kid, I watched Little Monsters all the time.

[20:06] I don't know, Goonies.

[20:07] Yeah, and like Showa.

[20:08] Lots of movies that are pretty harsh, but still.

[20:11] But the first 15 minutes of this movie in particular are very sad.

[20:15] It's about a man or woman who desperately wants a child, who can't adopt, can't have kids on their own.

[20:24] Well, you don't know that they can't adopt.

[20:25] I think that was part of the problem.

[20:28] I mean, I wouldn't sell them a kid.

[20:30] You don't realize adoption is not selling them a kid.

[20:33] Wait, what?

[20:34] No, I think it was just that they –

[20:35] But they're, you know, like drinking wine, like trying to cheer each other up, talking about how amazing their kid would be if he existed.

[20:42] Yeah, it's a sad scene.

[20:43] And they put those things in a box and they bury it.

[20:46] And that's how the movie starts.

[20:48] This is a family movie.

[20:50] Well, I'll have your –

[20:51] They're burying their dreams.

[20:53] Except, like, a better version of that opening is up where, aside from the scene in the beginning where the two kids meet, the next whole sequence is them growing older, not being able to have a child, getting old, and then the wife dying.

[21:07] It's the saddest seven minutes, but it's so—

[21:09] But at least that has, like, them being in love.

[21:12] Yeah, well, the thing is it makes you care about the characters so that when it's sad, you're like, oh, like I felt something, as opposed to just like, let me drop you into the sad moment first.

[21:23] They're super depressed and sad, and you don't know these people.

[21:26] You don't like them, probably.

[21:27] Their cheekbones are way better than yours.

[21:29] So if you're going to watch this movie, order your dinner so it arrives about 20 minutes in so it's happy again.

[21:35] So you're not too busy crying in your food.

[21:37] And then we're going to introduce you to a plant boy who will die.

[21:40] And also, but like, a plant boy who, I mean, it's a kid actor, so I'm not talking about

[21:46] the performance necessarily, but like, the character lacks charisma.

[21:48] This is not a kid you want to hang around.

[21:51] He's got leaves on his legs, dude.

[21:52] What else do you want?

[21:53] But he's like, he's like not a kid.

[21:55] Well, here's the thing is, there's a problem in a lot of movies that are about kids where...

[22:00] Like a bowl cut?

[22:00] You want him to have a bowl cut?

[22:01] Yeah.

[22:02] Well, one, have a bowl cut.

[22:03] Two, have a slingshot hanging out of his back pocket.

[22:06] Backwards cap, sunglasses, skateboard.

[22:08] You probably want him to be 20% more badical.

[22:10] well that's the thing actually is that bubble gum choose big league chew uh and uh somebody's got

[22:16] is that kids are little jerks and they and i like kids but like a lot of movies make their kid main

[22:25] characters too nice to the point where they become either cloying or boring or just not real like

[22:31] this this kid is supposed to be a magical kid and yet he still feels too weirdly innocent it's kind

[22:37] of similar to uh a movie like benjamin button where the character is like bizarrely innocent

[22:43] in a way that doesn't make sense like real kids get into trouble and do stupid things and like

[22:48] if there is one scene of timothy green like getting into trouble or breaking something or

[22:52] making a mistake himself then it would instantly make me like the character more as it is he's

[22:58] he never becomes a character he's literally just this magic you know he's like a bagger vance type

[23:03] character if you're going to include a character like this you shouldn't have sequences that are

[23:07] told kind of from his point of view because he's not a person like if you shouldn't have these

[23:12] scenes of him running around with his friend the million year old girl what you know that chick

[23:19] with the birthmark like i don't care if he's falling in love he's like a weird magical angel

[23:23] character like he's a dud it's yeah if if it's going to be about his effect on the other characters

[23:29] then don't worry about our yeah his perspective yeah focus on his parents the sad ones but in a

[23:35] way this movie was all worth it and i'll tell you why worth every dollar poured into it and every

[23:40] minute we spent with it call it up you see there's a certain scene at the end it seems they're going

[23:45] to close the pencil factory everyone's going to be out of work or are they because the parents

[23:50] have invented a new pencil made out of leaves and wait what it's a new pencil made out of leaves

[23:55] a pencil made out of leaves they melt they literally melt leaves down mold them into a

[24:02] pencil shape and then it's a pencil uh and they're gonna make announcement we're gonna keep the

[24:08] factory open with this leaf pencil and the factory owner says and my son ron livingston invented it

[24:14] and they've told me he says my son well he doesn't say a lot i gotta hand it to ron livingston his

[24:20] performance of that moment is pretty great it's pretty great he's literally dancing on stage

[24:23] it's like it's a little bit like um uh what why can i think of his name at the moment for oh sam

[24:30] rockwell in iron man 2 when he's literally dancing on the stage like there is no better way to show

[24:36] to make me love what an asshole your character is than for him to get on stage and dance before

[24:40] making an announcement but uh uh timothy green they get they wrote down that he would be honest

[24:45] to a fault which is the reason why when he drew a beautiful portrait of diane weist he had put

[24:49] hairs on her chin even though she's got like a cool goatee but even in the movie she doesn't

[24:54] really have like they didn't bother to put fake hairs on her chin yeah it was weird so it just

[24:58] feels like he's drawing and he draws like a billy goat beard on her it's not like one or two hairs

[25:02] like she looks like mini zz top she's got a van dyke she's like the red devil paint mascot

[25:09] but anyway so uh timothy green he can only be honest so he gets up and he says no my parents

[25:17] made that pencil you didn't and there's a back and forth where they both try to prove the mic

[25:22] in front of an audience of the most bored looking extras i've ever seen they're not even looking

[25:28] at him while he talks literally just thinking about something else and uh and he wins his case

[25:35] and diane weist has at the end he wins his case by showing them that he's got leaves on his legs

[25:40] yeah like they've kept it a secret he's gonna arbitrate this she's like ron livingston how did

[25:46] you get this idea and he's like there's leaves leaves i'm thinking about leaves and they're all

[25:51] around like he doesn't have it he doesn't have an answer and the whole time he keeps interrupting

[25:55] the kid and saying and just making fun of the fact that the kid is a bad soccer player like

[26:01] that's the best way to play about what a jerk you're gonna believe this kid who can't even win

[26:06] a soccer game this is also a guy town hall meeting comes down to a guy making fun of a kid for being

[26:11] shitty at soccer and this there's a scene earlier where he's talking and he's drinking coffee out of

[26:16] a mug that just says the boss and big letters on it like i wish this movie had been told from his

[26:20] point of view that would have been the story about how a weird kid ruined his life and the parents

[26:27] so so diane weeson doesn't get done so it's a happy ending and there's just the end scene

[26:32] is him dancing on timothy green's grave he doesn't even have a grave i guess i guess the

[26:39] whole earth is his grave yeah this this planet is his burial plot uh so so ron livingston says

[26:45] there are leaves everywhere it's not a convincing story but then jennifer garner's like uh well he's

[26:50] a boy with leaves on his legs also not convincing and so diane weist is like i'll be the judge of

[26:56] whether he has leaves on his legs but most of the leaves have fallen off because he's accomplished

[27:01] his checklist goals and but she finds one last little leaf on his leg and she says she says the

[27:09] words and i wrote it down so i would have it exactly as she says it diane we says if this

[27:15] boy can have a leaf on his ankle then we can make a pencil out of leaves which doesn't make sense

[27:21] it brings the house down and everybody applauds but it's always like including us at home and

[27:26] probably everyone in home everywhere we were just high-fiving just chest thumping yeah we spiked a

[27:33] football it was amazing it's true it was like new year's if that boy can't have a leaf on his ankle

[27:38] then we can make it it doesn't it doesn't make any sense they were already they were already

[27:44] announced we're gonna make these leaf pencils before they knew timothy green had a leaf on

[27:48] his ankle but even so it has nothing to do with it uh well timothy green what an odd life

[27:54] no it's a story of stump it's too stupid over whatever by the way these leaf pencils are stupid

[28:02] like they would be very hard to write with they're they're kind of big chunks of pencil

[28:07] yeah they're awkwardly shaped i would not want to write with a leaf pencil

[28:11] So the problem with it is because they're not useful pencils

[28:15] This is not ergonomics

[28:16] Well they could just shape it differently

[28:18] The pencil has been developed over thousands of years

[28:21] I don't know about thousands of years

[28:22] We're gonna change it up just because of this

[28:24] Odd Timothy Green comes in

[28:26] His life is very odd Dan you have to admit

[28:28] First he was

[28:29] Hey where do they put the eraser on this thing huh

[28:31] If it looks like a leaf

[28:33] Just because he's a plant boy doesn't mean he knows pencils

[28:36] Where the stem would go I guess

[28:37] It doesn't stick out of the side

[28:38] Now here's the thing

[28:41] every movie like this where a character shows up solves problems through magic and then dies

[28:47] pete's dragon pete's dragon you keep going back to your pete's dragons your pete's dragons is

[28:52] and your uh your baggers vance your uh your shorts circuit yeah and so your batteries knots

[28:59] and clutes is they're all essentially christ parables yeah i think this is the weakest

[29:06] christ parable maybe i've ever seen more than short circuit more than way more than short

[29:10] circuit in short circuit he actually comes back to life at the end what about in short circuit

[29:15] two short circuit two he comes back gold-plated literally he's ascended to heaven and returned

[29:21] and he becomes an american citizen short circuit two we learned that it takes a tough man to make

[29:27] a tinder chicken yeah that's true anyway it's not a rap so what else so there's only two movies that

[29:34] have the balls to end with their science fiction made-up character taking the citizenship oath

[29:39] That's Short Circuit 2

[29:40] And Mac and Me

[29:42] Those Mac and Me

[29:45] Those Mac and Me

[29:46] Giant sea monkeys

[29:48] Are now

[29:48] They can vote

[29:50] Just like you

[29:51] Their vote

[29:53] Cancels out your vote

[29:54] They have social security

[29:55] And they are

[29:56] Incredibly conservative

[29:58] They are racist

[30:00] They are racist

[30:00] That's the weird thing

[30:01] Misogynist

[30:02] Once they got in the door

[30:03] It closed behind them

[30:04] They don't care

[30:05] They closed the airlock

[30:06] Right behind

[30:07] As soon as those

[30:08] Mac and Me aliens came in

[30:09] just keep them in arizona where they're from right he just goes don't steal my space job

[30:14] that's what he says i guess anyway they're robots i guess they're robots well there's a little bit

[30:22] of short circuit in there too i have to imagine johnny five is the same way he's like but take

[30:28] away my gun because he's got shoulder mounted missiles yeah exactly it's an extension there's

[30:32] gonna be my gun when you pry up my cold dead shoulder yep and johnny five is alive at the

[30:38] moment president obama the only thing that disassembles a bad guy with a shoulder-mounted

[30:43] gun it's a good guy with a shoulder-mounted gun i was gonna say but that's true yeah so anyway

[30:48] timothy green maybe one of the lamer christ parables in children's film yeah they didn't

[30:55] even give him uh they didn't even bother to give him uh jc initials yeah yeah jimothy johnny cabbage

[31:01] Johnny Cabbage

[31:03] Johnny Cabbage

[31:05] that was the working title I think

[31:08] but also like is it too like they didn't

[31:10] really make very much of him being a plant

[31:12] is it too much to have him put down roots in

[31:14] one scene too much for him to grow a flower

[31:16] in his hair or something like really

[31:18] plant it up you know make the most out of this stupid

[31:20] concept you have I think they

[31:22] should have when casting the

[31:24] spell and writing down things they should have

[31:26] written down something that was kind of a non sequitur

[31:28] that they would have had to spend more time

[31:31] showing how he accomplishes

[31:32] this goal. Like what?

[31:34] I don't know. Like riding an elephant or something?

[31:37] Like maybe because they're

[31:38] killing this bottle of wine, maybe they're like,

[31:40] yeah, maybe he makes elephant

[31:42] sounds when people talk to him, or I don't know.

[31:45] Why would they want that? Weird.

[31:46] Or maybe he's got a really cool

[31:48] long ponytail.

[31:50] That's what every parent wishes

[31:52] for their child.

[31:53] Cool long ponytail. Just a rat tail

[31:56] hanging off the back of his head. Totally awesome.

[31:59] If late night Walmart trips are

[32:00] to be believed then you're right see the problem i i have is i worry about the little girl who

[32:06] becomes their child at the end because they're going to be so disappointed in her lack of plant

[32:10] based talents they're like okay so we're really looking forward to being your parents because we

[32:14] know you're gonna rock actually i'm just a kid i don't rock well but you're a gifted artist no i'm

[32:19] not really good at soccer no i can't do that do you at least have leaves on your legs and you'll

[32:25] Conspire us to create a new type of pencil that saves the town.

[32:28] No, I'm just a kid.

[32:30] They're going to want to send her back to the orphanage.

[32:32] You know what?

[32:34] Give us a Chia Pet.

[32:34] We'll teach it how to go to school.

[32:36] We'll be okay.

[32:36] So there's going to be conspiracy theories in that town as to why that kid disappeared, right?

[32:41] Oh, yeah.

[32:42] Government took him.

[32:43] Yeah.

[32:43] It's got to be.

[32:44] The study is leaf-based.

[32:45] See, if I was going to do a sequel, it would be called The Otter Life of Sammy Brown.

[32:49] And that would be another kid in town who thinks that the government stole Timothy Green.

[32:55] I guess starts a militia, you know, to free Timothy Green and blows up a federal building.

[33:01] And then I guess he would go to jail.

[33:04] Oh, that's too bad.

[33:06] I guess it's really more the Timothy Green story.

[33:07] I mean, I guess it's not too bad that he goes to greed.

[33:09] People probably got hurt.

[33:10] I don't know about political screed.

[33:13] Nobody gets hurt.

[33:14] I just have a few pamphlets for you to read.

[33:16] Sammy Brown dies at the end, right?

[33:18] Oh, of course.

[33:19] He'd shoot out with the police.

[33:20] His time here on this planet was done, Dan.

[33:24] That's the thing is Timothy Green keeps saying, like, I don't have a lot of – like, he basically knows he doesn't have a lot of time on Earth, and you wonder why he's not doing something more useful.

[33:37] Rather than, you know, like cycling around with his girlfriend and soaking in the sun.

[33:42] Kicking soccer balls.

[33:42] Although I guess if you only had one day left, would you try something big or would you just enjoy the simple pleasures of cycling around with your 14-year-old girlfriend soaking in the sun?

[33:52] The only one shot you don't stop.

[33:54] You never let it miss your moment.

[33:56] You own it.

[33:56] He changes what I'm assuming is the entire pencil industry of the United States of America, Elliot.

[34:02] Well, that's actually the sequel.

[34:03] He revolutionizes non-pen-based writing.

[34:06] The sequel I would like to see, all malicious stories aside, would be called The Odd Life of Timothy Green 2.

[34:12] Green's back.

[34:13] Got to attack.

[34:14] And he comes back.

[34:17] The town is super wealthy from this new leaf pencil.

[34:19] And they've let it go to their heads.

[34:21] it's just parties and liquor and blow and hookers and timothy green has a montage of people smashing

[34:28] computer screens with pencils just because they can and timothy green brings his wrath down because

[34:34] they have forgotten his teachings i think that's what would happen all right well i think that it

[34:39] is time to make our final judgments on this movie good good movie whether it's moving on i kind of

[34:44] don't remember the movie now that i have these bizarre and scary versions that i've come up with

[34:48] Good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie, or a movie we kind of liked.

[34:51] What do you think, Elliot?

[34:52] I think it was a bad, bad movie, but it's, like I said in a thousand words,

[34:57] like I like this type of fantasy story done, set in modern day,

[35:02] and I wish Hollywood would do more of it.

[35:04] I just wish they had heightened it more, made it more out of the ordinary

[35:07] as opposed to just a kid who happened to have leaves on his ankles.

[35:11] Stuart, what do you say?

[35:12] I'll agree that it's bad, bad, and I'm going to touch on something you talked about

[35:16] while we were watching it is that it's it seems more competently made than most of the movies we

[35:20] watch like it looks pretty good uh there's a lot of actors that are normally pretty good in it

[35:27] uh but it is just like the script is so bland and flat it doesn't really make it doesn't really make

[35:34] a movie and you want to give the movie points for being very earnest and very unironic there except

[35:39] for the lowrider scene there's like no pop culture references there's no scene where like nothing to

[35:45] date it for when people watch it a hundred years from now when people wishing to know how we lived

[35:51] into the 21st century watch timothy green uh they'll be like this could have been shot yesterday

[35:56] except they don't have space cars but and but also like there's not a lot of like snark to it

[36:02] the characters are well-meaning like they want to love each other it's not there's not a lot

[36:07] there's nothing at all that could be in any way possibly offensive as i believe you read in a

[36:12] comment on imdb by imdb user boba underscore fet 1138 means there were 1137 to 38 fetts before him

[36:22] but it's you want to give them points for doing an earnest film and not not doing like a simon

[36:29] and the chip alvin and the chipmunks type like edgy movie i think you're giving simon the credit

[36:33] look simon was always the glue that held the chipmunks together but it's just they don't they

[36:37] don't the story is so weak damn i mean i'll i think i'll give it a marginal good bad just because

[36:44] i think that this concept is so crazy and it's played so straight that i think that you possibly

[36:51] could get a little enjoyment out of it's it's pretty kind of the last 20 to 30 minutes i wish

[36:57] the movie was as crazy as those 20 to 30 minutes because it's kind of dull before then that that

[37:02] That boy has leaves on his ankle one really got you, didn't it?

[37:06] Yeah, it did, it did.

[37:06] Before we get on to our...

[37:08] It's rare when a single line of dialogue can elevate a movie

[37:11] from bad, bad to good, bad.

[37:13] But if Diane Wiest is talking about...

[37:15] From bad, bad to madness.

[37:15] A razor's edge.

[37:20] I want to briefly, before we get into our letters,

[37:23] mention a couple of plugs on behalf of All Things Comedy.

[37:27] They've added a couple of new podcasts.

[37:30] the champs podcast with neil britton masha kasher and dj doug pound and also a soccer comics score

[37:39] soccer comics with uh comedians ian edwards and jason gillerns uh they'll probably have a lot to

[37:47] say about timothy green yeah with all the soccer in it you should probably yeah you should probably

[37:51] check it out probably a lot of timothy green uh fanfic over at the soccer comics over at their

[37:57] new podcast the greenhouse nothing but timothy green all the time and you can find all that by

[38:02] tom green at all things comedy.com but uh now it's time to move on to our letter segment the flop

[38:11] house movie mailbag everyone's favorite especially elliott's it is my favorite especially elliott's

[38:17] our favorite non-song based section of the podcast i think there should be a song i don't know guys

[38:24] I know I'm outvoted here

[38:26] Two to one

[38:26] But something tells me

[38:27] There should be a song

[38:28] About letters

[38:29] Yeah we should probably

[38:30] Just move on

[38:30] This first letter

[38:32] Read out the mail

[38:33] It's a hail of letters

[38:35] Better read those letters

[38:36] Letters together

[38:38] Letters

[38:39] For all

[38:40] Letters

[38:41] So tall

[38:42] This stack of letters

[38:43] Let's read them

[38:44] And try to get

[38:45] Some of them read

[38:46] Letters

[38:47] Okay thank you

[38:51] Is from Paige

[38:52] Last name withheld

[38:53] It's titled

[38:53] You're My Only Horror Movie Hope

[38:56] Dearest Flophouse guys

[38:58] and house cat, I've searched and I've searched

[39:00] but I've never found nowhere on

[39:02] earth that can tell me the name of a

[39:03] fantastic horror movie I saw when

[39:05] I was about 20. Uh, let me help

[39:07] It's called Castle Freak

[39:09] Let me just answer this

[39:11] Did they mention a ding dong being ripped off

[39:13] and not really happening on screen?

[39:15] She says, can you tell me what it was

[39:18] I'm hoping between the three of you that

[39:19] someone, probably Stuart, will know

[39:22] what i'm talking about i'll give you some info it was about a rather cliched man's mad scientist

[39:27] who clicheity creates the perfect man the dialogue was horrible as you'd expect on an on tv in the

[39:34] middle of the night in some hotel horror tale but here's the beauty literally of the movie the man

[39:39] made man is stunning he's a patchwork of different colored skins and the makeup artist did him full

[39:45] justice he's not disgusting or gory he's beautiful a beautiful quilt of a man i feel the title is

[39:51] something like doctor patches but that's turned up nothing at all is it please please please help

[39:56] i listen religiously and tell as many of my friends as will tolerate being told i ask in return only

[40:01] your help in rediscovering this movie i'm sorry it doesn't have any ripped off genitalia or exposed

[40:06] boobs to provide intrigue there's no boobs if i ever make a horror movie in your honor i'll be

[40:12] sure to include those and a loudly meowing but never seen cat just to say thank you what has

[40:18] two thumbs and lives in fear of the Flophouse

[40:20] ending? Probably lots of people, but

[40:22] specifically me. Paige Lasting.

[40:23] Thanks, Paige, for writing in. Now, that movie I

[40:26] hoped would be called

[40:27] well, I don't remember the joke I was

[40:30] going to make. So we know the movie's not

[40:32] Jekyll and Hyde together again. It's not

[40:34] Dr. Patches. We know it's not Wax or the

[40:36] Discovery of Television Among the Bees.

[40:37] So it's a movie that's

[40:40] not one of those two movies. We know it's not

[40:41] Wampir. It's probably

[40:44] not Castle Freak, but

[40:46] read the entire letter again. Maybe it all

[40:48] jokes yeah yeah it's probably not uh m hulot's holiday now there was not a horror movie now

[40:57] there was a movie a sci-fi channel original movie that i think mark paul gossler was in where that

[41:02] was a frankenstein movie where he did have patches all over him like that okay and i wonder if that

[41:06] was it but i don't know i don't remember what it was called yeah if it was called frankenstein or

[41:10] if it was called like patchwork man i read i read this in part because i feel like if we open this

[41:17] up to the Flophouse

[41:18] listening audience,

[41:20] maybe they'd be able to help.

[41:22] And if you get on the

[41:24] Flophouse Facebook page, perhaps we can

[41:27] crowdsource this. Okay, let's see. It's not

[41:29] Gorgo, and it's not

[41:31] It's not Morgo. It's not Morgo.

[41:33] It's not Morgana the Kissing Bandit, which is

[41:34] not a movie with a person. It's not

[41:36] Zorro the Gay Blade. It's not

[41:38] the Hot Rock. It's not Dollar

[41:40] Sign, starring Robert Redford.

[41:42] Elliot goes through all of those.

[41:44] I'll move on to the next letter.

[41:46] I'm currently drawing a blank.

[41:48] It's not Spaceballs.

[41:49] But that doesn't mean I'm not going to go home and utilize every resource of my disposal.

[41:54] You are not going to sleep until you find this out.

[41:56] Yeah, exactly.

[41:56] It's not Ilsa, harem keeper of the oil sheiks.

[41:59] This next letter is titled, Intellectual Property Theft.

[42:03] Wait, I want to suggest first, let's take this gauntlet.

[42:06] If anyone is trying to remember the title of a movie in the future, send us a letter,

[42:11] and maybe you'll hear the answer a couple months later.

[42:15] This letter is titled Intellectual Properties.

[42:16] See, it's not Buford's Beach Buddies.

[42:18] Sure, starring Tom Hanks, brother.

[42:21] Yeah.

[42:21] It's not Swamp Thing 2.

[42:23] This is from Mike, last name withheld.

[42:25] Just wondering, has Stewart considered taking legal action against MGA Entertainment for stealing his idea for a spellcasting brat?

[42:34] And he includes a link to http://www.bratzillas.com.

[42:44] Bratzillas.com.

[42:45] Stay floppy.

[42:46] Mike, last name with hell.

[42:47] Okay, well, I can't click on that link because you just read it out loud.

[42:51] I went to Bratzillas.com.

[42:53] Okay, paint me a picture.

[42:54] As if you had never been there before.

[42:56] It was a bunch of witch brats.

[42:58] Wait, say this again.

[43:00] Which brats were they?

[43:01] Yeah, which brats were they, Dan?

[43:02] Wait, wait, say again.

[43:05] What were they?

[43:05] They're high-fiving, but they shouldn't be.

[43:08] What was it?

[43:08] Wait, the brats are high-fiving?

[43:10] Bratz, lady Bratz, in a conical hat.

[43:14] A comical hat, but like a beret?

[43:17] Like a beanie?

[43:18] Flying around on broomsticks.

[43:20] Witch Bratz.

[43:22] How are we supposed to know?

[43:24] You're telling us.

[43:25] Spell casting Bratz.

[43:28] Okay.

[43:29] Honestly, I think it's funny that the website is Bratzillas.com,

[43:35] and they're witch Bratz rather than giant lizard Bratz.

[43:39] Monster Bratz, yeah.

[43:40] It doesn't make any sense.

[43:40] I mean, are you saying that a giant lizard can't have gratitude?

[43:44] Yeah, come on.

[43:45] Are you suggesting this, Dan?

[43:46] Look, everyone can have gratitude.

[43:47] Yeah, inside of us.

[43:48] If they believe.

[43:49] Yeah, if you look deep enough.

[43:50] Speaking of.

[43:51] What do you think?

[43:52] I mean, why?

[43:53] I might be able to take legal action against MGA, MGM.

[43:58] Who am I doing this against?

[44:00] I got no one suing.

[44:01] No, just send a lawsuit.

[44:03] Just write to everyone.

[44:05] Yeah, I think we see what the problem is here.

[44:07] Love, Stuart.

[44:08] Oh, okay.

[44:09] P.S., you're sued for my witch brats.

[44:11] Put a little bit of sugar on that salt.

[44:12] Love, Stuart.

[44:14] You're just signed 8x10.

[44:16] Hey, you catch more lawsuits with honey than vinegar, you know.

[44:19] Signed 8x10.

[44:21] So, okay, speaking of, the movie list named earlier, wasn't Godzilla Raids again?

[44:26] It's not Godzilla's Revenge.

[44:28] It's not Godzilla vs. Destroyah.

[44:30] Neither is it Godzilla vs. Biollante.

[44:32] This letter is titled, Listener from Another Continent.

[44:35] Candyman 2, Farewell to the Flesh.

[44:37] It's from Gareth, last name withheld.

[44:39] He says, hey guys.

[44:40] It's not Harry and the Hendersons.

[44:41] Just wanted to say thanks for taking time out of your busy schedules to meet up.

[44:45] I had a great time and really enjoyed seeing Brooklyn.

[44:48] They say you shouldn't meet your heroes, but in this case that wasn't true,

[44:51] except my girlfriend hasn't stopped talking about how handsome Stuart is.

[44:54] Should have been expected, really.

[44:57] I forgot to make one movie recommendation.

[44:59] Stuart, you said you would turn it down.

[45:01] I forgot to make one movie recommendation, though.

[45:04] Being from England, I want to recommend something my country has produced,

[45:07] but not something that's already well-known.

[45:09] As such, I would recommend the 1982 animated movie, The Plague Dogs.

[45:14] I saw it earlier this year, and it really grabbed me.

[45:17] It's from the same team behind Watership Down,

[45:18] and it's based on a novel by the same author.

[45:21] It might not be the most upbeat movie ever made,

[45:24] but I loved it, and it really is...

[45:25] Really? From the same people who made Watership Down?

[45:27] It's not upbeat?

[45:28] If you would like to see it, but would have trouble finding it,

[45:32] I could put my DVD copy up on Rapidshare.

[45:34] I don't recommend it.

[45:35] No, don't do that. Don't do that.

[45:37] But anyway, thanks again.

[45:38] Keep up the good work and enjoy those pencil sharpeners.

[45:41] This is from Gareth.

[45:41] I still got mine.

[45:43] Yeah, me too.

[45:44] Mine's on my desk at work.

[45:45] Yeah, that movie, I remember seeing Plague Dogs when I was a kid.

[45:48] I had, like, you know, the cool uncle who had a whole bunch of board games in his basement.

[45:53] Uncle Buck.

[45:54] Yeah, he let me watch it while he was making me giant-sized pancakes with a shovel.

[45:58] And I was horrified.

[46:02] It is super-duper sad.

[46:05] So if you like being a kid and watching really sad-ass fucking shit about dogs, watch Plague Dogs.

[46:12] If you want to grow up to be like Stuart, you've got to warp your brain early.

[46:15] I think we all do.

[46:16] But maybe you want something more upbeat, like When the Wind Blows.

[46:19] So thanks, England.

[46:24] Thanks, England, for making depressing cartoons.

[46:27] And also Wallace and Gromit.

[46:29] No, but I did want to read this in thanks to Gareth, who we met in person.

[46:36] I actually unfortunately didn't get the chance, and I apologize, Gareth, that I couldn't make it that night.

[46:40] I had a family thing that got in the way.

[46:42] Your miniature motorcycle broke down.

[46:44] But he made a point.

[46:45] Look, it's so hard to get places when your mouth's sized.

[46:48] You need your tiny motorcycle.

[46:50] He made a point of during his time in America, the colonies, if you will.

[46:57] Nope, not since 1787.

[46:59] To stop by and say hi to us

[47:01] 1781 I guess

[47:02] And bring us some die cast models

[47:04] Of some British things that are also pencil sharpeners

[47:07] So if anyone is from another country

[47:09] I'm trying to get drunk

[47:09] I always try and do that

[47:12] When fans come visit me

[47:14] So if anyone is from another country and you're a fan of the show

[47:16] And come and visit us

[47:17] Bring us a tiny souvenir

[47:18] If you're from this country and you're a fan

[47:21] Go fuck yourself

[47:22] We don't need it

[47:25] Yeah I don't know if I'm endorsing this

[47:28] Stuart and Elliot do not endorse Dan's hatred of the fans.

[47:31] So this last letter of the evening.

[47:34] What movie could it be?

[47:35] It's not Masters of the Universe.

[47:36] It's the last letter of the evening.

[47:37] It's not Justin Bieber, Never Stop Believin' or whatever it's called.

[47:40] It comes from Ben, middle name with Held Newman.

[47:42] That's the whole title?

[47:43] I don't, yeah, I think so.

[47:45] This gentleman writes, Dear Stuart Wellington's Flophouse.

[47:48] Oh, wow.

[47:48] Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[47:49] I've been listening to your podcast for a few months now, and while I enjoy it,

[47:53] there have been some disturbing trends in recent episodes I think should be addressed.

[47:57] Firstly, there used to be three or four episodes a day I could listen to.

[48:00] What?

[48:01] Whereas now, there's only one every couple of weeks or so.

[48:04] That's on Dan's head.

[48:06] I can only assume that as the podcast has become more popular, you've all become rich and lazy, particularly Dan, who I know does the least work of the group.

[48:15] He does no work at all.

[48:16] But a far more worrying change has been the gradual sanitizing of the podcast in what I can only assume is an attempt to appeal to more family-friendly and tween markets.

[48:26] We've been swearing and talking about ding-dongs being ripped off.

[48:28] Totally.

[48:28] In hindsight, the announcement that BigSausagePizza.com

[48:32] was no longer sponsoring the podcast

[48:34] was the beginning of the end for a saucier, more adult Blophouse.

[48:37] Saucier, no pun intended.

[48:38] And before I knew it, you were dropping my...

[48:40] You don't want too much sauce on one of those pizzas,

[48:41] or else you're going to burn somebody's fucking scrotum off.

[48:44] Before I knew it, you were dropping...

[48:45] Burn it off, really?

[48:46] It'll crisp off and float away like a leaf.

[48:49] That's horrible.

[48:51] You were dropping my favorite features left and right.

[48:54] Gone was Dan's Taylor Lautner segment where he would sigh mournfully over visions of Lautner in short shorts while rubbing his hooks together.

[49:01] That still happens.

[49:02] Just not on the podcast.

[49:04] Rubbing his hooks together.

[49:06] Replaced by aggressively homophobic rants and a thinly veiled attempt to satisfy your new Christian audience.

[49:11] Gone were the racist Elliot's sordid tale of sexual misadventures with his on-again-off-again girlfriend Anne Hathaway.

[49:18] Look, can I help it if we're both turned on by xenophobia?

[49:22] Gone was Stu's regular cooking segment where we would describe in mind-numbing detail how to make a suicide sandwich.

[49:28] Yeah, that's one of my favorite things ever.

[49:31] That's what kids like to eat, right?

[49:32] One of my favorite things ever on the Flophouse is Stu's sandwich recipe.

[49:35] Yeah, that's what kids eat when they can't cut up hot dogs or dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

[49:39] Gone was the house cat.

[49:41] I understand every show must change and adapt, but if you could please add, say, 50 or 60 back episodes to the iTunes roster, that would be greatly appreciated.

[49:50] Where we all have mustaches, our hair's a little thicker, we wear a lot more t-shirts with bands on them.

[49:56] To be fair, to explain about the house cat, he's actually been on sabbatical for a while, and then he stopped returning our calls.

[50:01] Yeah.

[50:01] He got a grant.

[50:02] He got a grant for awesomeness studies.

[50:04] Yes, traveling the world to see how different cultures handle awesomeness.

[50:09] He's auditioning for the big leagues.

[50:10] Apparently, there's other bad movie podcasts that are super popular, and they want him out of all three of us.

[50:18] He's the breakout star

[50:19] Of all the sound effects you can hear on a podcast

[50:22] He's the breakout star

[50:24] Uh-oh

[50:25] Uh-oh kid is pretty good too

[50:27] Don't worry uh-oh kid you'll get your chance in the spotlight

[50:30] Uh-oh

[50:30] Ben Middledame with Held Newman says

[50:33] P.S. Stewart's recommendations are the only ones I pay any attention to

[50:36] Whoa

[50:37] Dan only recommends the popular

[50:40] Tween films of the moment

[50:41] And the racist Elliot just recommends whatever he thinks

[50:44] Will make him sound pretentious

[50:46] I don't know why I'm racist all of a sudden

[50:48] as i have now watched and enjoyed castle freak and invisible maniac it's on to head of the family

[50:53] a new regular feature where stew recommends different films i could also watch pps pps in

[50:59] addition to the one where he recommends head of the family and uh and castle freak and invisible

[51:04] maniac pps here's a picture i drew of april o'neill with a low-cut top that i thought stewart

[51:09] might like and i printed it out here you go man she looks like a babe is that a turtle picture

[51:15] April O'Neil with a low-cut top.

[51:17] Oh, nice.

[51:18] It looks like she's questioning that turtle,

[51:20] and that turtle is turning away from her low-cut top.

[51:23] I'd like to see also, Stuart.

[51:24] I would like to see Exhibit A.

[51:26] Wait, is she in like...

[51:27] Exhibit April.

[51:27] Why is she in like a padded room?

[51:29] She looks like...

[51:30] I assume because she's pointing a microphone at a turtle,

[51:33] not like a ninja turtle, just a turtle.

[51:35] She's gone insane, right?

[51:37] The implication is that Shredder is...

[51:39] Ninja turtles never existed.

[51:40] This was a figment of her imagination.

[51:43] A figment of her sexy, low-cut imagination.

[51:46] I think it's clearly evidence that Shredder and Krang have completed a campaign of gaslighting,

[51:52] where they've slowly driven April O'Neil crazy in order to earn her, I guess, inheritance?

[51:57] She was the turtle's Achilles heel.

[51:59] Yeah, the jewelry that her aunt left her.

[52:01] Yeah, but I can put a link to Ben Newman's blog where he has that picture.

[52:08] That's a very accomplished picture.

[52:10] That distasteful picture.

[52:11] Very accomplished picture of a child's cartoon star with a low-cut top.

[52:17] I have a new background for my cell phone, thanks.

[52:21] So what do we do now?

[52:24] Now is the point.

[52:26] Well, we're still trying to figure out what that movie was.

[52:28] It's not Mystery Men.

[52:29] Is this when we congratulate each other for being great, or did we just do that?

[52:33] Stuart, you're pretty awesome.

[52:34] Hey, thanks, Dan.

[52:35] Even though you injured yourself going down a black diamond Widowmaker Hill on your skis.

[52:41] Inaccurate, but thank you.

[52:42] On a single ski.

[52:43] Oh, that's right.

[52:44] Dan is – everyone should know Dan's injured while doing this podcast.

[52:47] Although he was during the last podcast also.

[52:50] Was I?

[52:50] Yeah, during Total Recall.

[52:52] I wasn't.

[52:52] No, he wasn't.

[52:53] He was suffering from a serious case of hot-dogging.

[52:56] That's right.

[52:57] You weren't injured yet.

[52:58] Yeah, Dan's on the DL right now.

[52:59] I tore my ACL.

[53:00] So, any sympathetic tweets?

[53:04] Take a little pressure off you?

[53:07] I don't know what happens.

[53:07] But don't be sympathetic, because as Stuart said, he was hot-dogging, he was showboating.

[53:10] He does what he calls the upside-down propeller ski, where he flips up in the air and spins around like his skis are propeller blades.

[53:18] But, I mean, like, I injured myself, and unlike in Hot Dog the Movie, say, or Ski School...

[53:23] Or Hot Dog the Food.

[53:24] Or Ski Patrol, hot ski bunnies did not swarm me afterwards.

[53:30] offer me sympathy. I find that incredibly hard to believe.

[53:32] But actually, real bunnies did swarm you and started

[53:34] biting you. They bit me.

[53:36] They thought I was a carrot, which is weird.

[53:39] You shouldn't have been wearing a carrot

[53:41] costume. That's what you tripped over when you were skiing.

[53:43] Well, there's no way you're going to

[53:44] be able to win that kickball championship

[53:46] unless the leg brace you got

[53:48] makes your leg extra strong for kicking.

[53:51] It's Rookie of the Year style.

[53:52] Yep, it's Rookie of the Year

[53:55] 2, soccer this time.

[53:56] Except instead of

[53:59] a kid it's a guy in his early 30s who is mournfully sighing early 30s is charitable right

[54:04] it's what like 42 52 52 i mean early 30s is charitable but only in that i am more of a mid

[54:14] 30s well i was feeling charitable i'm on the early side of mid 30s you're injured and you

[54:18] still haven't been able to get out of that carrot costume yeah let's leave my totally accurate in

[54:24] real life actual injury behind

[54:26] and go on

[54:28] to recommendations. That was your

[54:30] Dan in real life update. In real life

[54:32] Dan's ACL is torn. In real life Dan is

[54:34] prepping for surgery

[54:36] but in podcast life

[54:39] let's go on. So now we're going to talk

[54:40] about recommendations and I'm going to barge ahead

[54:42] because I've mainly just been

[54:44] watching. I think I know

[54:46] what you're going to recommend. I've mainly

[54:48] been watching awards season stuff

[54:51] and instead I'm

[54:52] going to recommend a little movie we saw as the flop house was lucky i wanted to write well

[54:58] last week to uh to go see a double feature hosted by movie director don cascarelli at the 92 y

[55:05] tribeca the home of the flop house live shows and see us there february 1st i was super excited to

[55:11] get my uh signed by don cascarelli and get to talk to him now you're 22 y tribeca.org

[55:17] so i would like to recommend a little movie called phantasm oh not the new one okay i'll

[55:23] recommend the other one then i want to recommend phantasm because if you haven't seen in a while

[55:28] which is crazy you should watch it at least every couple of weeks uh it is a very strange new things

[55:35] every time you watch it's like an onion yeah if you ever have an opportunity to see it in

[55:38] the theater you should take it because it is a great very strange movie very slow

[55:43] angus scrimm gives an amazing career-making performance it was a career-making performance

[55:48] that his career came out of it it's it's a movie that as the i i don't remember the name of the

[55:54] presenter phantasm no the the presenter at the at the kevin mar he was interviewed by kevin mar

[56:00] who's a friend of ours who and he made a great point that he was he was uh he he was quoting

[56:06] somebody when he said that it's a movie that never pauses to kind of explain anything and

[56:12] that's one of the things that makes it like a great movie and also helps it i think in a way

[56:16] live up to the title of phantasm and that it it feels like a dream it feels like a dream a

[56:21] nightmare if you will oh no it's it's the greatest dream i've ever had oh really all right well to

[56:26] buffer what i assume are going to be both don cascarelli recommendations yeah i'm gonna step

[56:31] in in the middle okay because i was gonna no i'm gonna step in the middle and recommend something

[56:35] just like another don cascarelli don cascarelli sandwich yeah exactly you're gonna recommend

[56:40] beastmaster i'm gonna recommend something that is themed to uh the movie watch invisible maniac

[56:46] the odd life the odd life of timothy green you're recommending the odd life of timothy green

[56:51] it's themed to the odd life of timothy green okay where like the beginning of the odd life

[56:56] of timothy green where the where two expectant parents or not expectant parents but parents who

[57:01] wish they would have it's alive bury uh bury what they want in a child out back and then have a

[57:08] child suddenly appear oh the odd life of timothy seems like now the beginning to a horror movie

[57:13] yeah like that that is a horror movie beginning and so it's similar in some ways to jan swank

[57:19] meyer's little otic or as stewart pointed out uh pet cemetery yeah yeah but uh i would like to

[57:24] recommend a movie that is also based on sort of the idea of uh expectant parenthood but the

[57:31] horrific side of that and i really enjoyed the movie orphan which it which has a bunch of uh

[57:38] crazy uh plot twists like great cinematography uh a good good performances by uh peter sarsgaard

[57:47] and uh who's the lady in that uh petra sarsgaardia no no um jesus stellan sarsgaard

[57:55] peter storm air lady and oh god she uh vera formiga is in it oh from up in the air yeah and uh it has

[58:04] a and time limit loop it has a nutty third act twist that i won't spoil for you but if you're

[58:11] looking for a horror movie that about children about children about parenthood that is beautifully

[58:17] shot, better acted than you

[58:19] expect, and has a very weird

[58:21] denouement than

[58:22] I recommend Orphan.

[58:24] But Elliot, what would you like to

[58:27] recommend? Before my recommendation, I'd

[58:29] just like to mention how pleased I am that in one

[58:31] podcast, I have mentioned both

[58:33] Jan Svankmajer's Little Otik and

[58:35] Buford's Beach Bunnies.

[58:36] USA Up All Night staple.

[58:38] I will recommend the other movie

[58:41] that we saw in the Don Coscarelli

[58:43] double feature, which is his newest film,

[58:45] which I believe is on video on demand right now,

[58:47] but it's going to be in theaters January 25th.

[58:49] And that is a little movie called John Dies at the End.

[58:53] Or J-Date.

[58:53] Or J-Date, if you shorten it.

[58:56] Endorsed by all three of the floppers.

[58:58] Based on the book of the same name.

[59:00] And I have to admit, I haven't read the book.

[59:02] When we went to the screening,

[59:04] I was there to see Don Cascarelli and to see Phantasm in the theater.

[59:07] And to see me get really excited.

[59:09] And to see Stuart get super excited and just go, you know.

[59:11] To see Stuart get a Phantasm boner.

[59:13] to be unable to keep it in his pants because he's so excited to have a fangasm and i was like i'll

[59:20] sit through john dies the end and i really liked it a lot it's a this very like bizarre silly

[59:26] comedy science fiction thriller horror adventure movie and it's got a great cast glenn turbot's in

[59:33] it paul giamatti's in it uh and don cascarelli does a great job with it ganga scrims in it

[59:38] Ganger Scrim has a scene in it, and it's really fun and funny, and I enjoyed it a lot.

[59:44] And it's a small, lower-budget movie, so I'd say give it a try, and if you like it, tell other people too so it can get some success.

[59:53] And you recommended it to a friend at work, and he also really enjoyed it.

[59:57] Yeah, that's true.

[59:58] So it's not just crazy Flophouse hosts who enjoy it.

[1:00:00] Not just the Flophouse hosts who enjoy it.

[1:00:01] I feel like it's, I mean, both the book and the movie, because I feel Don Cascarelli has a talent at picking authors whose work he can bring across.

[1:00:12] Yeah, like Joe Lansdale with Bubba Hotep.

[1:00:15] But he, there's, it feels almost like the Joss Whedon Buffy universe, if all the heroes were kind of assholes.

[1:00:24] That's true.

[1:00:26] Yeah.

[1:00:27] If you thought the problem with Buffy was everyone was too likable.

[1:00:31] Then John dies at the end, maybe for you

[1:00:34] I mean, that is the problem I have with Parks and Recreation

[1:00:36] But anyway

[1:00:37] Everyone's a little too friendly

[1:00:39] Who's the bad guy?

[1:00:43] Exactly, you need a villain

[1:00:44] So I think

[1:00:45] They should have an escaped serial killer

[1:00:48] Who kills a different cast member every week

[1:00:51] Until there's none left

[1:00:52] Then it turns out it was all a dream

[1:00:53] This sounds amazing

[1:00:55] Yeah, but it was the dream of a dog

[1:00:58] And the dog has to go on an amazing adventure

[1:01:01] to save his owner, who's just been blasted into space.

[1:01:04] Barks and Stab Creation.

[1:01:06] The new show, Barks and Stab Creation,

[1:01:09] starring Eddie the Dog and Peter Stormare as Stab.

[1:01:15] And so I will recommend John Dyes at the end.

[1:01:17] All right, guys.

[1:01:19] Three recommendations.

[1:01:20] To Don Cascarelli, is it my birthday?

[1:01:22] No, that's in a while.

[1:01:26] I think this has been a successful night, guys.

[1:01:29] I mean we recorded right

[1:01:31] Yeah this isn't a Babylon AD situation right

[1:01:34] I hope not

[1:01:35] The fabled lost episode

[1:01:36] All that's left now is to sign off

[1:01:40] And I will do that now

[1:01:41] For the flop house

[1:01:42] Wait hold on what do we do now

[1:01:43] Wait hold on

[1:01:44] I'm not ready yet

[1:01:47] Okay no no no not ready

[1:01:49] But for the flop house

[1:01:51] For the flop house

[1:01:53] I've been Dan McCoy

[1:01:55] Oh wait did he do it

[1:01:57] I've been Dan McCoy

[1:01:58] Stuart.

[1:01:58] And me, Elliot.

[1:02:01] Good night, everyone.

[1:02:03] Perfect ending.

[1:02:04] Flawless ending.

[1:02:06] Angus Scrim.

[1:02:16] Scrimshaw.

[1:02:17] You play a good game, boy.

[1:02:22] That's my variation on the character.

[1:02:24] He's a little bit more feminine.

[1:02:26] I've got to bring a little something of my own to it.

[1:02:30] It's pretty cool.

[1:02:32] It's not as cool.

[1:02:32] You guys are ruining it.

[1:02:34] Phantasm.

[1:02:37] He just shouts the name of the movie.

[1:02:39] Phantasm III, Lord of the Dead.

[1:02:42] And this is my voice for the silver balls.

[1:02:45] What's over here?

[1:02:46] Go over there.

[1:02:47] Spikes out.

[1:02:47] Stick it there.

[1:02:48] Drill in your face.

[1:02:51] Spikes in your face.

[1:02:52] Just drill in.

[1:02:53] Get some blood out of here.

[1:02:54] I'm a ball.

[1:02:56] Woo!

[1:02:56] Zing!

[1:02:57] Woo!

[1:02:57] Over here, over there.

[1:02:59] Woo!

The Flop House: Episode #119 - The Odd Life of Timothy Green

Transcript

Description