The Flop House: Episode #119 - The Odd Life of Timothy Green

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss The Odd Life of Timothy Green,

[0:04] the film that turns the inability to have a child into a whimsical fantasy.

[0:30] Hey, everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse.

[0:37] I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:39] Every single time.

Elliott Kalan

[0:42] So you're Dan McCoy.

[0:43] Someday, Stuart will learn.

[0:45] And what's your name, Stuart Wellington?

[0:46] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:47] And who am I, Elliot Kalin?

[0:48] Why am I, Elliot Kalin?

[0:49] Thank you for asking.

Stuart Wellington

[0:51] Success.

[0:51] We should switch it around so I can...

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] All three names together again.

Stuart Wellington

[0:55] If we switch it around, I'll interrupt Elliot next time.

[0:57] Okay, okay.

[0:58] Fair enough.

[0:59] Or not fair.

[1:00] Someday never comes.

[1:01] So welcome to the Flophouse.

[1:03] Tomorrow never knows.

[1:04] Let me, wait, let me get the door.

[1:05] Tomorrow never dies.

[1:06] Hey, it's our listeners at the door.

[1:08] They want to enter the Flophouse.

[1:09] Let them in, Stuart.

[1:11] Let them in, Stuart.

[1:12] Setting the table.

[1:14] Talk about Meowvies.

[1:15] So what do we do here?

[1:16] We talk about a movie we just watched.

Dan McCoy

[1:17] We talk about a bad Meowvie that we see.

[1:20] That we just weouched.

[1:21] We watch a bad Meowvie, and then we talk about it for about an hour.

[1:25] And sometimes it stars Nicolas Cage, but this time it didn't.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28] No.

Dan McCoy

[1:29] This time it started a cap-a-cade of stars.

Elliott Kalan

[1:33] Yeah.

[1:34] But the movie...

[1:35] A cap-a-cade of stars?

[1:36] No, Nicolas Cage is not involved.

[1:38] We shouldn't talk about Cage.

[1:39] I'm sorry.

[1:39] You got me.

[1:40] I wanted to make...

[1:41] Everyone worked up.

[1:42] I just wanted to make a reference to the trailer for the movie Stolen, and then move on.

Dan McCoy

[1:46] You're giving everyone Cage balls, Elliot.

[1:49] That's the problem.

[1:49] It hurts for a guy when that happens.

[1:51] Yeah, it does.

[1:52] We watched a little movie called The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[1:56] And boy, was it odd.

[1:58] It was the oddest.

[1:59] His life was so odd.

[2:00] Who's fucking choice was this?

[2:01] It was Elliot's.

[2:02] This was my choice.

[2:03] Elliot was dead set.

[2:04] Because...

[2:05] And I'll tell you why.

Elliott Kalan

[2:06] Because this was a movie outside of our normal comfort zone.

[2:08] This is a family film.

[2:10] You got to stretch.

[2:11] This is a sappy, sentimental family film.

[2:13] There are no action scenes.

[2:15] There's no monster violence.

[2:17] There's no blood.

[2:18] There's no Nicolas Cage.

[2:20] No Nicolas Cage.

[2:20] Cage.

[2:21] I wanted us to do something that was a little bit different.

[2:24] Like, sometimes we step out of our zone and we do it like a little bit of heaven or a...

[2:28] Seven pounds.

[2:29] Seven pounds.

[2:30] Or a Beverly Hills Chihuahuas.

[2:32] And, you know, sometimes that's a little bit of magic.

[2:35] So I wanted us to step outside of our comfort zone this time.

Dan McCoy

[2:37] And boy, was this an unusual film.

Elliott Kalan

[2:40] It was odd, if you will.

Dan McCoy

[2:42] Oddly boring.

[2:44] Elliot, why don't you sum it up?

[2:46] Try and speed it up a little.

[2:48] Yeah, fucking get through this.

[2:49] Come on.

Elliott Kalan

[2:49] It's not a lot happening to this movie.

[2:51] So, Jennifer Garner and...

[2:54] TV's alias.

[2:55] And what's-his-face.

[2:56] Joel Edgerton.

[2:58] What?

[2:59] Zero Dark Thirty's guy.

[3:01] Yeah, and Warrior, a movie I recommend.

[3:03] And he's in Warrior.

[3:05] They are a married couple in a town called Stanleyville.

[3:09] With very noticeable skull structures.

[3:12] Yeah.

[3:12] They're very...

[3:13] Very defined skulls.

[3:14] Sharp cheekbones.

[3:15] Cheekbones you get great cheese on.

[3:17] And they live in the pencil capital of the world.

[3:20] And we know this because there's a barn that says it.

[3:22] There's a pencil factory.

[3:24] There are giant pencils in the streets.

[3:25] Pencil-themed soccer team.

[3:26] The local soccer team is the erasers.

[3:28] And the camera pans past these things about a million times.

[3:31] There's a lot of pencils in this movie.

[3:33] So, pencil it in, won't you?

[3:34] And then erase it.

[3:36] They are a married couple and they want to have a child very badly, but they can't.

[3:40] It is genetically impossible.

[3:42] God has taken his thumb and stuck it in her womb to stop up any babies from getting in there.

Dan McCoy

[3:47] The uterus is a barren place where a seed can find no purchase.

Elliott Kalan

[3:50] Yeah, there's just tumbleweeds.

Stuart Wellington

[3:51] Thanks for making me think of a movie I actually liked.

[3:55] Phantasm?

[3:55] Yep.

[3:57] So, we're talking about Phantasm tonight.

Elliott Kalan

[3:59] So, they decide...

[4:01] They're so sad because they can't have children, which is sad.

[4:04] It's very sad.

[4:05] This movie starts out in a very sad place.

[4:07] It starts out very sad.

[4:08] It's like up in terms of starting out sad, except not as good.

[4:12] They decide they're going to write down on pieces of paper the things that their ideal child would have.

[4:18] A great heart.

[4:19] He'd be funny.

[4:20] He'd rock.

[4:21] He'd win.

Dan McCoy

[4:22] Some of these are pretty shallow things.

[4:24] He'd be artistic.

[4:25] And he would shoot the winning goal.

[4:28] He'd kick the winning goal in a soccer game.

Elliott Kalan

[4:30] Yeah.

[4:31] And they take all these things and they put it in a little box.

Stuart Wellington

[4:33] In a scene that would have worked if it was in a musical, I think.

[4:38] Yes.

[4:38] I think you brought that up.

[4:38] Well, that's the...

[4:39] Like, if they were singing about that.

Elliott Kalan

[4:40] We can talk about this, but this is a movie that isn't...

[4:43] Isn't...

[4:44] It's super earnest.

[4:45] It's not stylized enough.

[4:45] It's very earnest and very realistically shot, except with, like, you know, the light...

[4:50] The colors are very bright and everything, but...

Dan McCoy

[4:52] It has all these fantasy elements, but it is super earnest and super...

[4:56] Like, everyone plays it real and is very sad because of it.

Elliott Kalan

[5:00] And quiet and subdued.

[5:01] And this is a scene that would work very well in a musical, like, singing about the different

[5:05] traits they would want their ideal son to have.

[5:07] He'd have heart.

[5:08] Oh, he'd have such heart.

[5:10] He'd be good at art.

[5:11] He'd...

[5:11] You know, that kind of shit.

[5:12] Anyway, so...

[5:13] I like musicals.

[5:14] I don't know why I put a house down.

[5:14] I didn't think you were actually going to start singing about it.

[5:16] Yes, you did.

[5:17] Come on.

[5:17] You know, I love to sing.

[5:19] He would rock.

[5:20] Rock the house.

[5:21] He'd be quiet as a mouse.

[5:23] That got his own...

Dan McCoy

[5:25] Wow.

[5:26] The musical theater lost a lyricist when you went into podcasting.

Elliott Kalan

[5:29] He'd speak fluent German.

[5:31] Rouse!

[5:32] Anyway, so they write it down and put it in a little box and then bury it in their garden

[5:38] because, hey...

[5:38] In a scene reminiscent of a child burial.

[5:41] What better way to open your movie than with a symbolic funeral for a child?

[5:46] In a tragedy box.

[5:48] And then later that night, they wake up and there's a hole in the garden and some kind

[5:52] of dirt creature has been running around the house.

[5:54] A dirt child.

[5:55] Because they find dirt everywhere and there's a filthy child, like a 10-year-old child, just

[6:00] in their house.

Stuart Wellington

[6:01] So they, through some kind of creepy ritual, summoned this child demon from another plane.

[6:06] They burned a wicker bag.

Elliott Kalan

[6:07] We have to assume that Disney cut out the part where Jennifer Garner dropped her menstrual

[6:11] blood onto the ground to fertilize the soil for a human flesh.

[6:15] I don't know.

[6:16] But it turns out this little boy, he calls himself Timothy, and he has leaves on his legs

[6:21] because he's a plant boy.

[6:23] Like a puck.

Dan McCoy

[6:24] Like one of your pucks.

[6:25] Like one of your pucks.

Elliott Kalan

[6:25] Like one of your pucks or one of your swamps things.

[6:28] Yep.

[6:29] You know, one of your plant men.

[6:30] One of your floronic mans.

[6:31] One of your triffids.

[6:33] Yeah, triffids had no human qualities to them.

[6:35] All right.

[6:35] They could walk for their plant monsters.

[6:37] One of your Audries too.

[6:38] Yeah, exactly.

[6:39] Your Audries too.

[6:42] Anyway, one of your plants men.

[6:43] So he's a plant boy and they are such very worried, anxious, hyperprotective parents.

[6:50] And he goes through a series of weird little incidents.

[6:53] He is at a, he gets beat up.

[6:57] Not beat up.

[6:57] He gets kind of like taunted by kids at school.

[6:59] Humiliated.

[7:00] But he doesn't seem to mind.

[7:01] He has a crush on a, on a slightly older girl.

Dan McCoy

[7:03] He's 11 and there's a 14 year old girl that he has a crush on, which.

Elliott Kalan

[7:09] And they become best friends after.

Dan McCoy

[7:11] Seems weird in the context of the movie.

Stuart Wellington

[7:12] Because she's got a weird birthmark that looks like Africa.

Elliott Kalan

[7:16] Yeah.

[7:16] They're both different.

[7:17] She sees his leaves and he sees her birthmark.

[7:19] He, and he, like, he has this, he draws a picture of somebody and he's super talented.

[7:24] He has this preternatural wisdom.

[7:26] Like, he's very serene and still.

[7:28] He walked out of an M. Night Shyamalan.

[7:30] Kind of.

[7:30] He speaks precociously, like, as if he's an adult.

[7:33] But it's, it's one of these movies where there's like this thin tightrope between precocious wisdom and autism.

[7:41] Autism.

[7:41] Or mental retardation.

[7:42] Where he kind of is like, wise beyond his years in one scene, but another scene he doesn't get, like, how a diving board works.

[7:49] Or what soccer is, you know.

[7:52] We should watch him try and figure it out in slow motion.

[7:55] We should watch many, many slow motion shots of his beaming, saintly face.

Dan McCoy

[7:59] But he's also like a magical child who shows up and seems to know the rules of his own existence.

[8:06] But does not feel, yeah, that he needs to let anyone else.

[8:09] He shows up.

[8:09] Like a duditz.

Elliott Kalan

[8:10] He's, a what?

Stuart Wellington

[8:11] Like a duditz.

[8:12] You know, a dream catcher.

[8:13] Oh, right.

[8:14] I thought you meant like the.

[8:14] Weirdly enough, Timothy Green builds a shitload of dream catchers with his new friend.

[8:18] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[8:18] I thought you meant the apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz, which is a very different thing.

[8:22] The apprenticeship of Lenny Kravitz.

[8:24] The apprenticeship of Lenny Kravitz.

[8:27] Yeah.

[8:28] Anyway.

[8:29] What were we talking about?

[8:31] Words that sound like other words.

[8:32] He seems to know the rule.

[8:34] He shows up.

[8:35] He speaks perfect English.

[8:36] He seems to know everything about his own mystical being.

[8:39] But he doesn't tell anybody.

[8:40] And he doesn't know much of anything about human interaction.

[8:43] And he manages to, through his wise, saintly presence, solve a couple people's problems.

[8:50] He helps heal a rift between his new dad and his dad's dad.

[8:55] He saves the local.

[8:56] Kind of.

[8:56] The local pencil factory is going to be shut down.

[8:59] And he inspires his parents to invent a new type of pencil made out of leaves.

[9:03] And.

[9:03] He helps an old guy shuffle off this mortal coil through laughter.

[9:07] Yeah.

[9:07] He helps his grandfather laugh his way into the grave.

[9:10] Played by M. Emmett Walsh.

[9:11] Played by M. Emmett Walsh.

[9:14] Basically, he likes, he's like the Incredible Hulk.

[9:17] He wanders into the town, solves people's problems.

[9:19] And then it's time for him to go.

[9:21] Because each time he fulfills the promise of one of the things his parents wanted him to do when they wrote out their notes, he loses a leaf.

[9:28] And as we all know from a thousand words, what happens when you run out of leaves?

[9:31] Yeah.

[9:32] You gotta die.

[9:33] That's why the trees all die in the winter.

[9:34] Uh-huh.

[9:36] So in the end, Timothy.

Stuart Wellington

[9:37] He pulls a Pete's dragon and disappears, right?

Elliott Kalan

[9:41] Kind of.

[9:42] Does he disappear?

[9:42] He doesn't leave a body behind, right?

[9:44] Yeah.

[9:44] He doesn't like crumble into like mulch or something.

Dan McCoy

[9:48] He just turns back into that sad child cigar box that he started out as.

Stuart Wellington

[9:54] That's true.

[9:54] Yeah.

[9:55] Because they find that in.

[9:55] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:55] They didn't find the box.

[9:56] They just found the pieces of paper.

[9:58] No.

[9:58] They find the box.

[9:59] Oh, they did.

[9:59] Because inside, this whole story is being told.

[10:01] Here's your framing story.

[10:03] This whole story is.

[10:03] This is perhaps one of the stupidest words.

[10:05] This whole framing, this whole story is being told by the parents to a woman who works at

[10:09] an adoption agency in order to convince her to give them a kid.

[10:13] Yeah.

[10:13] They tell her this.

Dan McCoy

[10:14] Played by Shora.

[10:14] I don't know her last name, but she was in the House of Sun and Fog.

Elliott Kalan

[10:17] But they're like, hey, you know what would convince them to give us a living human child?

[10:21] If we told a crazy story about a plant boy that grew out of our garden and then we couldn't

[10:26] even take care of him and he died.

[10:27] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[10:28] But if they do it really well, you got a kid on the way.

Elliott Kalan

[10:31] Oh, if it's going to be an amazing story.

Dan McCoy

[10:33] You think the problem with it was they just didn't water Timothy Green?

Elliott Kalan

[10:36] It's possible.

[10:37] For sure.

[10:37] The one time we saw him in water, he was in a pool and the chlorine couldn't have been

[10:40] good for him.

[10:40] Yeah.

[10:41] No.

Stuart Wellington

[10:41] But there's a little.

[10:42] He couldn't even really.

[10:43] Well, he could swim.

[10:44] He was just trying to trick that poor girl into coming down to get kicked in the face.

[10:46] So she could kick him in the face.

Elliott Kalan

[10:48] So he meets this girl by, she sees him sitting on the bottom of the pool, thinks he's drowning,

[10:53] goes to save him and tries.

[10:54] After an amazing diving board scene.

[10:57] And sees of him just bouncing on that diving board for about seven hours.

[11:01] Looking like a doof.

[11:03] And she starts pulling down his socks and sees the leaves on his ankle.

[11:07] That's what I'd do if I was a girl.

[11:08] And he kicks her in the head just trying to get his feet out of her hands.

[11:12] But they become friends.

[11:13] Her mother doesn't.

[11:14] And his mother, for some reason, does not approve of him having a friend.

Stuart Wellington

[11:17] She's like five, seven, ten years older than him.

Elliott Kalan

[11:21] Yeah, ten years older than him.

[11:22] She's 21 years old.

Dan McCoy

[11:24] No, she's.

[11:25] Jennifer Gardner is worried that this fast girl of 14 is going to corrupt her son of 11.

[11:31] She has a leather jacket, I think.

[11:33] Yeah, she rides around on a bicycle.

[11:35] Not a motorcycle, just a bicycle.

[11:37] Now, this.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] In old-timey pencil town, a motorcycle is rough enough.

[11:43] Timothy Green dies.

[11:45] He leaves a letter behind saying, you were great parents.

[11:48] Written in pencil.

[11:48] Written in pencil because the whole movie is about fucking pencils.

[11:52] And it's weird that the main theme of this movie seems to be the importance of pencils.

[11:57] And at the end.

[11:58] Well, both his parents' jobs rely on pencils.

[12:00] That's right.

[12:01] The dad works at the pencil factory.

[12:03] And the mom is a tour.

[12:04] As a pencil quality inspector.

[12:05] As a quality inspector.

[12:06] Which means just picking up pencils and looking at them and then throwing them away.

[12:10] And the mom is the tour.

[12:11] Only the highest quality of pencil.

[12:13] The mom is the tour guide at the historic pencil house?

[12:16] Like, what is it exactly?

Dan McCoy

[12:18] It's the pencil museum.

[12:20] But it's just the house.

[12:20] Diane Weiss.

Elliott Kalan

[12:21] Well, okay.

[12:22] You mentioned Diane Weiss.

[12:23] Oh, and at the end of the movie, the adoption agency.

[12:25] I'm here to Diane Weiss.

[12:26] The adoption agency brings a kid.

[12:28] Brings them a new daughter.

Dan McCoy

[12:29] Yeah.

[12:29] The adoption agency is like, we believed your crazy Timothy Green story.

[12:33] You know what?

[12:33] So have an Asian daughter.

Elliott Kalan

[12:35] Your story about killing a vegetable boy.

[12:38] Why does it have to be Asian?

Elliott Kalan

[12:38] You could have just said daughter.

[12:39] Yeah.

[12:39] I don't know why you had to highlight her.

Stuart Wellington

[12:40] Is it because they called her Lily?

[12:42] Is that it?

Dan McCoy

[12:42] I do think it's funny that they call her Lily, which is the name of the Asian adopted daughter

[12:46] in the modern family.

[12:47] Sure.

[12:47] They could have called her Jade or Asia.

[12:49] Katana.

[12:51] Sure.

[12:51] Fortune cookie.

[12:52] Molina.

[12:53] Any number.

[12:54] All of these things.

[12:54] Great Wall.

[12:55] Sure.

Elliott Kalan

[12:57] 2008 Olympics.

[12:58] Number one happy panda.

[13:00] Sure.

[13:00] Anything.

[13:00] Golden luck dragon food.

[13:02] Happy joy.

[13:04] Sun.

[13:05] All of these things.

[13:07] Chun-Li.

[13:08] Mushu.

[13:09] Whatever.

[13:10] That's a name.

[13:10] Yep.

[13:11] Mushu.

[13:11] Too far, Dan.

[13:12] Okay.

[13:13] Too far.

Stuart Wellington

[13:13] Eddie Murphy's character from Mulan, and that is shocking we didn't say Mulan before this.

Elliott Kalan

[13:18] We should have said Mulan.

[13:20] I don't even think she's Chinese, the girl in the movie.

[13:22] She looks like she's Indonesian, you know.

[13:25] Yeah.

[13:26] Sure.

[13:26] Probably.

[13:27] So IMDb after this.

[13:28] Yeah.

[13:29] Well, IMDb it.

[13:32] So, but you mentioned Diane Wiest, and we'll get to the hair on her chin.

[13:37] Now, there's a big cast in this movie.

[13:39] There's a really good cast.

[13:40] You got Diane Wiest.

[13:43] Who else is in it?

[13:44] Ron Livingston.

[13:45] Yeah.

[13:46] Rosemary DeWitt.

[13:48] David Morse.

[13:49] David Morse.

[13:49] Rosemary DeWitt.

[13:50] Emmett Walsh.

Stuart Wellington

[13:50] Emmett Walsh.

[13:51] Rosemary DeWitt playing her perfect character of the disapproving sister.

Elliott Kalan

[13:55] The disapproving snobby sister.

[13:57] Yeah.

[13:58] It's like Rachel getting married, decided to move to a town made out of pencils, and disapprove

[14:03] of a plant boy.

[14:05] You got your...

[14:06] Common.

[14:06] And common, isn't it?

[14:08] Hip-hopster?

[14:08] As the soccer coach who takes an immediate dislike to Timothy Green.

[14:12] Here's the weird thing about the movie.

[14:13] Oh, and also, Lin-Manuel Rivera, I think his name is, the creator of In the Heights, and

[14:18] star of In the Heights when it opened, is also in this.

[14:20] In two scenes as a botanist.

Dan McCoy

[14:22] Yeah.

[14:23] And the...

[14:23] And, I mean, it's not, you know, an actor, but as you noted, the cinematographer won back-to-back

[14:29] Academy Awards, and this is, I have to say, a beautiful-looking movie.

Elliott Kalan

[14:34] Like, technically, it is a lovely movie.

[14:36] Well, if any movie captures the beauty of autumn, it's The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[14:42] If any movie fails to provide a story to go with those autumn colors, it is The Odd Life

[14:47] of Timothy Green.

Dan McCoy

[14:48] You want to see a sad movie about a plant boy that has some beautiful trees turning colors.

Elliott Kalan

[14:53] The weird thing is also, and Dan made the point where we were watching the movie, instead

[14:56] of solving everyone's problems, this family should have just moved out of the pencil town.

[14:59] Yeah.

[15:00] Because everyone there is a jerk.

[15:02] They would have solved all the problems.

Dan McCoy

[15:02] This is a depressed town based on a pencil factory that's clearly failing.

[15:06] Well, there is no more antiquated technology than a pencil.

Elliott Kalan

[15:11] Yeah.

[15:11] Maybe a rock that you use to open a coconut is more antiquated than a pencil.

Dan McCoy

[15:16] But then also, the main problem with this family is you got Rosemary DeWitt, who is a bitch

[15:23] about this new kid.

[15:24] And how much better her kids are.

[15:26] Yeah, and then David Morris.

Stuart Wellington

[15:27] I mean, her kids are really great, though.

[15:28] He plays the bassoon.

[15:30] Yeah.

[15:30] He plays, I don't know, a violin or some shit.

Elliott Kalan

[15:32] And the best that Timothy Green can do is hit a percussive instrument to the beat of

[15:37] Lowrider so that his family can sing along with him.

Stuart Wellington

[15:40] And then inspire the actual version of the song Lowrider to just start playing out of nowhere.

[15:45] Spontaneously play.

Dan McCoy

[15:46] Well, apparently these are very low-rent wishes, by the way.

[15:49] There's like, oh, we want our son to rock.

[15:51] And that translates to him being able to...

[15:53] To Lowrider.

[15:53] I think you're being deterred about the song that Lowrider is rocking.

[15:57] No, but that's what I'm saying.

[15:58] These are low-rent rinses, and all he can do is do the cowbell part to Lowrider.

Elliott Kalan

[16:03] Which is a pretty mellow song.

[16:05] There's not a lot of rocking in that.

Dan McCoy

[16:06] But then you got the dad's dad, David Morris, is just a dick about everything.

[16:12] He's just a jerk.

[16:13] Yeah, he's a dick.

[16:14] Like, his son played by...

[16:14] Is it your typical abusive dad?

Stuart Wellington

[16:16] Played by movies, Joel Edgerton.

[16:18] Movies.

[16:19] He's just been like, fuck this guy.

[16:20] I don't need...

[16:21] Like, he doesn't...

[16:22] I don't know why he is pursuing his father's love so much.

[16:25] And like, the...

[16:26] I don't pursue my dad's love all the time.

[16:28] Dad, if you're listening...

[16:29] I didn't mean that.

Elliott Kalan

[16:30] Dad, if you're listening, love me, please.

Stuart Wellington

[16:32] I'll do anything.

[16:33] I'll do anything.

[16:33] I'll kick the winning soccer goal.

[16:35] I'll rock.

Elliott Kalan

[16:36] I'll be artistic.

[16:37] Whatever it takes on me.

Stuart Wellington

[16:38] Oh, I have leaves on my legs.

[16:39] Whatever.

[16:39] I'll glue them on.

Elliott Kalan

[16:40] I'll cowbell it up.

[16:42] So, like, Ron Livingston, who runs the pencil factory, is a jerk.

[16:47] Common, who is the soccer coach, hates Timothy Green,

[16:49] will not put him into play for no real reason.

[16:52] Like, he's not good at it, but it's a kid's soccer team.

[16:54] Like, everyone's supposed to play, you know?

[16:56] And when he finally puts him in, he says,

[16:58] you stand there and don't move at all.

[17:01] Like, that's the instruction he gives him.

Stuart Wellington

[17:02] To the point that he ignores the ball

[17:04] and the players that are actually trying to score goals

[17:06] and focuses on keeping this kid from moving.

[17:09] I mean, he probably should have focused harder

[17:11] because he ends up scoring a goal for the other team.

[17:13] Spoiler alert.

[17:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[17:15] Spoiler alert.

[17:16] By the way, we already mentioned that Timothy Green dies,

[17:18] but spoiler alert.

[17:18] When he kicks the winning goal, it's for the other team by accident.

[17:21] Be careful what you wish for, guys.

[17:23] There were big laughs there.

[17:24] That was, like, the comedic set piece of the movie.

[17:25] After he showboats playing soccer for a long time, Timothy Green.

Dan McCoy

[17:29] Yeah, he's really good at soccer.

[17:30] He's not so good at knowing which direction he's facing.

[17:32] Maybe he just needs to...

Stuart Wellington

[17:33] Like, for a second, he has to power up first from the sun,

[17:35] and then he does all these fucking fancy footworks.

[17:37] He does.

[17:38] To the back of the other coach is like...

[17:40] Yeah, the other coach is like, fucking take him out.

[17:42] Like, kick him in the knees.

[17:44] Swipe his legs.

[17:44] Which is crazy.

[17:45] Sweep the legs.

Elliott Kalan

[17:45] This is a kid's soccer game.

[17:47] Also, the fact that their team is called the Erasers,

[17:49] because it's a pencil town.

[17:50] That makes sense.

[17:50] The other team is called the Bone Crushers.

[17:52] What does that town make to you, wonder?

[17:53] I assume that's the town that makes the roller coaster from Nothing But Trouble.

[17:58] That's the only explanation I can come up with.

[18:00] Accurate.

[18:01] It's an accurate reference.

Stuart Wellington

[18:03] I mean, they have a lot of aggression,

[18:04] because that's the only thing they've ever made as a town, ever.

Elliott Kalan

[18:08] It's just one roller coaster for Judge Quincannon.

[18:11] For a great movie.

[18:14] For maybe the worst movie ever made by a movie studio.

[18:18] So bad.

[18:19] Now, there's a great cast in this movie,

[18:21] but they don't get much to do.

[18:22] The script is pretty underwritten and half-baked.

[18:25] The direction is kind of subdued and not very interesting.

[18:28] Like we were saying,

[18:29] this should have been like a heightened fairy tale of a movie,

[18:32] maybe a musical,

[18:33] but it's just like,

[18:35] everyone kind of just like,

[18:37] yeah, Timothy Green, wow, you're a real interesting kid.

[18:39] I don't think you could have lost anything by making it a musical.

[18:41] No, you could only have gained.

[18:42] This is one of the few movies where I'm like,

[18:44] if they transferred this to Broadway to make it into a musical,

[18:47] they'd have a real chance at improving it,

[18:50] because basically you just keep the idea of a plant kid,

[18:52] and put some songs in there,

[18:54] change the ending so he doesn't die.

[18:56] You got yourself a hit.

[18:58] Call it Hairspray 2, the musical,

[19:00] or maybe Book of Mormon 2.

[19:02] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:02] Well, you can let him die for a while,

[19:05] and then he shows up at the end,

[19:06] and he's like,

[19:06] I'm not really dead.

Elliott Kalan

[19:09] It's spring again.

[19:10] Spring has sprung.

[19:11] I'm back.

[19:12] It's spring.

[19:12] So you get the sad,

Stuart Wellington

[19:13] then you get the happy.

[19:14] That's how it works.

Dan McCoy

[19:14] Well, there were a lot of reviews of the new Blu-ray of Little Shop of Horrors

[19:19] with the original ending

[19:21] that pointed out that it's a lot less harsh on Broadway

[19:25] to kill your main characters,

[19:27] because they show up then at the end

[19:29] for the curtain call.

[19:30] That's true.

[19:31] And so the same thing for Timothy Green,

[19:33] who's like,

[19:34] oh, okay,

[19:35] you know,

[19:35] oh,

[19:35] Timothy Green's still alive.

[19:38] There he is,

[19:38] bowing and waving at the audience.

[19:40] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[19:40] That'd be fine.

Dan McCoy

[19:41] You don't have a crazy overreaction.

[19:42] I mean,

[19:43] this movie takes itself so seriously

[19:45] that we discussed while we were watching,

[19:47] like,

[19:48] I don't know who this movie's for.

[19:50] Yeah.

[19:50] It's not for kids.

[19:51] It's not for adults,

[19:52] because it's desperately sad.

[19:54] It's about...

Elliott Kalan

[19:55] It's too sad for kids,

[19:56] and it's too,

[19:57] like,

[19:58] light,

[19:58] whimsical kid movie for adults.

[20:00] Yeah,

[20:01] but the first...

[20:01] And I like kids' movies.

[20:03] Kids,

[20:03] like,

Stuart Wellington

[20:03] when I was a kid,

[20:04] I watched,

[20:04] like,

[20:05] Little Monsters all the time.

[20:06] I don't know,

[20:07] Goonies.

[20:07] Yeah,

[20:07] and,

[20:07] like,

Elliott Kalan

[20:08] Showa.

[20:08] Lots of movies that are pretty harsh,

[20:10] but still...

Dan McCoy

[20:11] But the first 15,

[20:12] minutes of this movie,

[20:13] in particular,

[20:14] are very sad.

[20:15] It's about two desperate...

[20:17] Like,

[20:17] a man or woman

[20:19] who desperately want a child,

[20:21] who can't adopt,

[20:23] can't have kids on their own.

[20:24] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[20:24] you don't know they can't adopt.

Dan McCoy

[20:25] I think that was part of the problem.

[20:28] Like,

[20:28] they weren't...

Elliott Kalan

[20:28] I mean,

[20:29] I wouldn't sell them a kid.

[20:30] You don't realize adoption

[20:31] is not selling them a kid.

[20:33] Wait,

[20:34] what?

[20:34] No,

Dan McCoy

[20:34] I think it was just that they...

[20:35] But they're,

[20:35] you know,

[20:36] like,

[20:36] drinking wine,

[20:37] like,

[20:38] trying to cheer each other up,

[20:39] talking about how amazing their kid would be

[20:41] if he existed.

[20:42] Yeah,

[20:43] it's a sad scene.

[20:43] And then they put those things in a box

[20:45] and they bury it.

[20:46] Like,

[20:47] it's...

[20:47] And that's how the movie starts.

[20:49] This is a family movie.

[20:50] Well,

[20:50] I'll have your,

Elliott Kalan

[20:51] like...

[20:51] They're burying their dreams.

[20:53] Except,

[20:53] like,

[20:53] a better version of that opening

[20:55] is Up,

[20:56] where,

[20:57] aside from the scene in the beginning

[20:58] where the two kids meet,

[21:00] the next whole sequence

[21:01] is them growing older,

[21:03] not being able to have a child,

[21:05] getting old,

[21:06] and then the wife dying.

[21:08] It's the saddest seven minutes,

[21:09] but it's so...

Dan McCoy

[21:09] But at least that has,

[21:10] like,

[21:11] them being in love.

[21:12] I mean,

[21:12] like...

[21:13] Yeah,

Elliott Kalan

[21:13] well,

[21:13] the thing is,

[21:13] it makes you care about the characters

[21:16] so that when it's sad,

[21:18] you're like,

[21:18] oh,

[21:19] like,

[21:19] I felt something,

[21:20] as opposed to just like,

[21:21] let me drop you into the sad moment first.

[21:23] They're super depressed and sad

[21:25] and you don't know these people.

[21:26] You don't like them,

[21:27] probably.

[21:28] Their cheekbones are way better than yours.

[21:29] You're gonna watch this movie,

Stuart Wellington

[21:31] order your dinner

[21:31] so it arrives about 20 minutes in

[21:34] so it's happy again.

Elliott Kalan

[21:35] So you're not too busy crying

[21:36] in your food.

Dan McCoy

[21:37] And then we're gonna introduce you

[21:38] to a plant boy

[21:39] who will die.

Elliott Kalan

[21:41] And also,

[21:41] but like,

[21:42] a plant boy who,

[21:43] I mean,

[21:43] it's a kid actor,

[21:45] so I'm not talking about

[21:46] the performance necessarily,

[21:46] but like,

[21:47] the character lacks charisma.

[21:49] This is not a kid

[21:50] you want to hang around.

[21:51] He's got leaves on his legs, dude.

[21:52] What else do you want?

[21:53] But he's like,

[21:54] he's like not a kid.

[21:55] Well,

[21:56] here's the thing is,

[21:57] there's a problem

[21:57] in a lot of movies

[21:58] that are about kids

[21:59] where...

[22:00] Like a bowl cut?

[22:00] You want him to have a bowl cut?

[22:02] Yeah,

[22:02] well,

[22:02] one,

[22:02] have a bowl cut.

[22:03] Two,

[22:04] have a slingshot

[22:04] hanging out of his back pocket.

[22:06] Backwards cap,

[22:07] sunglasses,

[22:07] skateboard.

[22:08] You probably want him

[22:08] to be 20% more badical.

[22:10] Well,

[22:10] that's the thing actually,

[22:11] is that...

[22:11] Choose bubble gum.

[22:13] Choose big league chew.

[22:16] Somebody's got to.

[22:17] Is that kids are little jerks

[22:20] and they,

[22:22] and I like kids,

[22:23] but like,

[22:23] a lot of movies

[22:24] make their kid main characters

[22:25] too nice

[22:26] to the point where they become

[22:27] either cloying

[22:29] or boring

[22:29] or just not real.

[22:30] Like,

[22:31] this kid is supposed

[22:32] to be a magical kid

[22:33] and yet he still feels

[22:34] too weirdly innocent.

[22:37] It's kind of similar to

[22:38] a movie like

[22:40] Benjamin Button

[22:41] where the character is like

[22:42] bizarrely innocent

[22:43] in a way that doesn't make sense.

[22:45] Like,

[22:45] real kids get into trouble

[22:46] and do stupid things

[22:47] and like,

[22:48] if there is one scene

[22:49] of Timothy Green

[22:50] like,

[22:50] getting into trouble

[22:51] or breaking something

[22:52] or making a mistake himself,

[22:54] then it would instantly

[22:56] make me like the character more.

[22:57] As it is,

[22:57] he's,

[22:58] he never becomes a character.

[22:59] He's literally just

[23:00] this magic,

[23:01] you know,

[23:01] he's like a Bagger Vance

[23:02] type character.

Stuart Wellington

[23:03] And if you're gonna include

[23:04] a character like this,

[23:05] you shouldn't have sequences

[23:06] that are told

[23:07] kind of from his point of view

[23:09] because he's not a person.

[23:11] Like,

[23:11] you shouldn't have

[23:12] these scenes

[23:13] of him running around

[23:14] with his friend,

[23:14] the million year old girl.

[23:17] What?

[23:18] You know,

[23:19] that chick with the birthmark.

[23:20] Like,

[23:20] I don't care if he's

[23:21] falling in love.

[23:22] He's like a weird

[23:22] magical angel character.

[23:24] Like,

[23:25] he's a duditz.

Elliott Kalan

[23:26] Yeah,

[23:26] if it's gonna be about

[23:28] his effect on the other characters,

[23:29] then don't worry about

[23:30] our,

[23:31] yeah,

[23:31] his perspective.

Stuart Wellington

[23:32] Yeah,

[23:32] focus on his parents,

[23:33] the sad ones.

Elliott Kalan

[23:34] But in a way,

[23:35] this movie was all worth it

[23:36] and I'll tell you why.

[23:37] Worth every dollar

[23:38] poured into it

[23:39] and every minute

[23:40] we spent with it.

[23:41] Call it up?

[23:41] Call it up.

[23:42] You see,

[23:42] there's a certain scene

[23:44] at the end.

[23:44] It seems they're gonna

[23:45] close the pencil factory.

[23:46] Everyone's gonna be out of work.

[23:47] Or are they?

[23:49] Because

[23:49] the parents have invented

[23:51] a new pencil made out of leaves

[23:52] and

[23:53] Wait,

[23:53] what?

[23:54] It's a new pencil made out of leaves.

[23:55] An pencil made out of leaves?

[23:57] A pencil made out of leaves.

[23:58] They melt,

[23:59] they literally melt leaves down,

[24:01] mold them into a pencil shape.

[24:03] A mortar and pestle.

[24:04] And then

[24:04] it's a pencil.

[24:06] And

[24:07] they're gonna make an announcement.

[24:08] We're gonna keep the factory open

[24:09] with this leaf pencil.

[24:10] And

[24:10] the factory owner says,

[24:12] and my son,

[24:12] Ron Livingston,

[24:13] invented it.

[24:14] And

[24:14] they've told

[24:15] Wait,

Stuart Wellington

[24:15] he says my son,

[24:16] Ron Livingston?

[24:17] Well,

[24:17] he doesn't say a lot.

[24:18] I gotta hand it to Ron Livingston.

[24:20] His performance of that moment

[24:21] is pretty great.

[24:21] It's pretty great.

Elliott Kalan

[24:22] He's literally dancing on stage.

[24:24] It's like,

[24:25] it's a little bit like,

[24:26] um,

[24:27] uh,

[24:28] what can I think of his name

[24:29] at the moment?

[24:29] Oh,

[24:30] Sam Rockwell in Iron Man 2.

[24:31] When he's literally dancing

[24:32] on the stage.

[24:34] Like,

[24:34] there is no better way

[24:36] to show,

[24:36] to make me love

[24:37] what an asshole

[24:38] your character is

[24:38] than for him to get on stage

[24:40] and dance

[24:40] before making an announcement.

[24:42] But,

[24:42] uh,

[24:43] uh,

[24:43] Timothy Green,

[24:44] they wrote down

[24:45] that he would be honest

[24:45] to a fault,

[24:46] which is the reason why

[24:47] when he drew a beautiful

[24:47] portrait of Diane Wiest,

[24:49] he had put hairs

[24:50] on her chin.

[24:51] Even though,

[24:51] she's got like a cool goatee.

[24:52] But even in the movie,

[24:53] she doesn't really have,

[24:54] like,

[24:54] they didn't bother

[24:55] to put fake hairs

[24:55] on her chin.

[24:56] Yeah,

[24:56] it was weird.

[24:57] So it just feels like

[24:58] he's drawing,

[24:59] and he draws like

[24:59] a billy goat beard

[25:00] onto her.

[25:01] It's not like

[25:01] one or two hairs.

[25:03] Like,

[25:03] she looks like

[25:04] Mini ZZ Top.

[25:05] She's got a Van Dyke.

[25:07] She's like the

[25:08] Red Devil paint mascot.

[25:10] But anyway,

[25:11] so,

[25:11] uh,

[25:14] he can only be honest,

[25:15] so he gets up,

[25:15] and he says,

[25:16] no,

[25:17] my parents made that pencil.

[25:18] You didn't.

[25:19] And there's a back and forth

[25:20] where they both try to prove.

[25:21] He grabs the mic

Stuart Wellington

[25:22] in front of an audience

[25:23] of the most bored-looking

[25:24] extras I've ever seen.

Elliott Kalan

[25:26] They cannot.

[25:27] They're not even looking

[25:28] at him while he talks.

[25:30] They're literally

[25:30] just thinking about

[25:31] something else.

[25:33] And,

[25:33] uh,

[25:33] and he wins his case,

[25:36] and Diane Wiest has,

[25:37] and he wins his case

[25:38] by showing them

[25:39] that he's got leaves

[25:40] on his legs.

Dan McCoy

[25:40] Yeah,

[25:41] like,

[25:41] they've kept it a secret

[25:42] all the time.

[25:42] Diane Wiest is gonna

[25:43] arbitrate this.

[25:44] She's like,

[25:45] Ron Livingston,

[25:45] how did you get this idea?

[25:46] And he's like,

[25:47] uh,

Stuart Wellington

[25:47] there's leaves,

[25:49] leaves,

[25:49] I'm thinking about leaves

[25:51] that are all around.

[25:52] Like,

[25:52] he doesn't have a

[25:53] bullshit answer.

[25:53] And the whole time

[25:54] he keeps interrupting

[25:55] the kid and saying,

[25:56] and just making fun

[25:57] of the fact that the kid

[25:58] fucked up the soccer game.

[25:59] He's a bad soccer player.

[26:00] Like,

[26:01] that's the best way

[26:01] to play it.

[26:02] what a jerk he is.

[26:03] Are we gonna believe

Dan McCoy

[26:04] this kid who can't even

[26:05] win a soccer game?

[26:07] This is also a guy...

Stuart Wellington

[26:08] This town hall meeting

[26:09] comes down to a guy

[26:10] making fun of a kid

[26:11] for being shitty at soccer.

Elliott Kalan

[26:12] And this,

[26:13] there's a scene earlier

[26:14] where he's talking

[26:15] and he's drinking coffee

[26:16] out of a mug

[26:16] that just says,

[26:17] the boss,

[26:18] and big letters on it.

[26:19] Like,

[26:19] I wish this movie

[26:20] had been told

[26:20] from his point of view.

[26:23] That would've been so great.

[26:24] A story about how

[26:24] a weird kid

[26:25] ruined his life.

[26:26] And the parents...

[26:27] So,

[26:27] so,

[26:28] Diane Weasley...

[26:29] The kid does,

[26:30] so it's a happy ending.

[26:31] And there's just

[26:32] the end scene

[26:32] is him dancing

[26:33] on Timothy Green's grave.

Stuart Wellington

[26:35] He doesn't even have a grave.

[26:37] I guess...

[26:38] I guess the whole earth

[26:39] is his grave.

Elliott Kalan

[26:41] Yeah,

[26:41] this planet

[26:42] is his burial plot.

[26:43] So,

[26:44] so Ron Livingston

[26:45] says,

[26:45] there are leaves everywhere.

[26:46] It's not a convincing story.

[26:48] Yeah.

[26:48] But then Jennifer Garner's like,

[26:49] uh,

[26:50] well,

[26:50] he's a boy with leaves

[26:52] Also not convincing.

[26:53] And so Diane Weasley's like,

[26:55] I'll be the judge

[26:56] of whether he has leaves

[26:58] But most of the leaves

[26:59] have fallen off

[27:00] because he's accomplished

[27:01] his checklist goals.

[27:03] But she finds

[27:04] one last little leaf

[27:06] on his leg.

Dan McCoy

[27:07] And she says...

[27:08] She says the words

[27:09] and I wrote it down

[27:10] so I would have it

[27:11] exactly as she says it.

[27:13] Diane Weasley says,

[27:14] if this boy

[27:15] can have a leaf

[27:16] on his ankle,

[27:17] then we can make

[27:18] a pencil out of leaves.

Stuart Wellington

[27:20] Which doesn't make sense.

[27:21] It brings the house down.

[27:23] And everybody applauds.

[27:24] But it sounds like...

[27:25] Including us at home

[27:26] and probably everyone

[27:27] in homes everywhere

[27:28] in America.

Elliott Kalan

[27:29] We were just high-fiving,

[27:30] just chest-thumping.

[27:31] Yeah,

[27:32] we spiked a football.

[27:33] It was amazing.

[27:35] It's true.

[27:35] It was like New Year's.

[27:36] It's true what she says.

Dan McCoy

[27:37] If that boy can't have

[27:38] a leaf on his ankle,

[27:38] then we can make

[27:39] a pencil out of leaves.

[27:40] It doesn't make any sense.

Elliott Kalan

[27:42] They were already...

[27:43] They were already announced,

[27:44] we're gonna make

[27:45] these leaf pencils

[27:46] before they knew

[27:47] Timothy Green had a leaf

[27:48] on his ankle.

[27:48] But even so,

[27:49] it has nothing to do with it.

[27:51] Well,

[27:53] what an odd life.

[27:53] It's a story of triumph

[27:54] over adversity.

[27:55] No!

[27:57] It's a story of

[27:58] too stupid over whatever.

Dan McCoy

[28:00] By the way,

[28:01] these leaf pencils

[28:01] are stupid.

[28:03] Like,

[28:04] they would be

[28:04] very hard to write with.

Elliott Kalan

[28:06] They're kind of

[28:06] big chunks of pencil.

Dan McCoy

[28:08] Yeah.

[28:08] They're awkwardly shaped.

[28:09] I would not want to write

[28:10] with a leaf pencil.

Stuart Wellington

[28:12] So the problem with it

[28:13] is because they're

[28:14] not useful pencils.

[28:15] This is not ergonomics.

[28:16] Oh, okay.

[28:16] Well,

Elliott Kalan

[28:17] they could just

[28:17] shape it differently.

[28:18] The pencil has been

[28:19] developed over

[28:20] thousands of years.

[28:21] I don't know,

[28:21] thousands of years.

Dan McCoy

[28:22] We're gonna change it up

[28:24] just because of this

[28:24] odd Timothy Green

[28:26] comes in?

Elliott Kalan

[28:26] His life is very odd,

[28:27] Dan,

[28:28] you have to admit.

Stuart Wellington

[28:29] First he was...

[28:29] Hey,

[28:30] where do they put

[28:30] the eraser on this thing,

[28:31] huh?

[28:32] If it looks like a leaf.

[28:33] Mm-hmm.

[28:34] At the end.

Dan McCoy

[28:34] Just because he's a plant boy

[28:35] doesn't mean he knows pencils.

Elliott Kalan

[28:36] Where the stem would go,

[28:37] I guess.

[28:37] Doesn't stick out of the side.

[28:38] No.

[28:40] Now,

[28:40] here's the thing.

[28:41] Mm-hmm.

[28:42] Every movie like this

[28:43] where a character shows up,

[28:45] solves problems through magic,

[28:46] and then dies...

[28:47] Pete's Dragon.

[28:48] Pete's Dragon.

[28:48] You keep going back to it.

[28:49] Your Pete's Dragons.

[28:51] Your Pete's Dragonses

[28:52] and your...

[28:53] Bagger Vance.

[28:54] Your Bagger's Vance,

[28:55] your Short Circuit,

[28:57] and so your Batteries,

[28:58] Nots, and Kludeses.

[29:00] They're all essentially

[29:01] Christ parables.

[29:03] Yeah.

[29:03] I think this is the

[29:05] weakest Christ parable

[29:07] maybe I've ever seen.

[29:08] More than Short Circuit?

[29:09] More than...

[29:09] Way more than Short Circuit.

[29:11] In Short Circuit,

[29:11] he actually comes back

[29:12] to life at the end.

[29:14] What about in Short Circuit 2?

[29:16] Short Circuit 2,

[29:17] he comes back gold-plated.

[29:19] Literally,

[29:19] he's ascended to heaven

[29:20] and returned.

[29:20] Also in Short Circuit 2...

[29:21] And he becomes

[29:22] an American citizen.

Dan McCoy

[29:23] In Short Circuit 2,

[29:24] we learn that

[29:24] it takes a tough man

[29:26] to make a tender chicken.

Elliott Kalan

[29:29] Yeah, that's true, Dan.

[29:30] He also learns how to rap.

[29:32] So, what else?

[29:32] So, there's only two movies

[29:34] that have the balls

[29:35] to end with their science fiction,

[29:36] made-up character

[29:37] taking the citizenship oath.

[29:39] That's Short Circuit 2

[29:40] and Mac and Me.

Dan McCoy

[29:44] Those Mac and Me

[29:45] giant sea monkeys

[29:48] are now American citizens.

[29:49] They can vote

Elliott Kalan

[29:50] just like you.

[29:52] Their vote

[29:53] counts as out your vote.

[29:54] They have social security

[29:55] and they are

[29:56] incredibly conservative.

Dan McCoy

[29:59] They are racist.

[30:00] They are racist.

[30:00] That's the weird thing.

[30:01] Misogynist.

[30:02] Once they got in the door,

[30:03] it closed behind them.

[30:05] They don't care.

Elliott Kalan

[30:05] They closed the airlock

[30:06] right behind

[30:07] as soon as those

[30:08] Mac and Me aliens

[30:08] came in.

[30:09] Just keep them in Arizona

[30:10] where they're from, right?

[30:11] Well, he just goes,

[30:12] don't steal my space job.

[30:18] That's what he says, I guess.

[30:19] Anyway...

[30:19] They're robots, I guess, right?

[30:21] They're robots.

[30:21] Well, there's a little bit

[30:22] of Short Circuit

[30:23] in there, too.

[30:24] I have to imagine

[30:24] Johnny Five is the same way.

[30:27] He's like,

[30:27] but take away my gun

[30:29] because he's got

[30:29] shoulder-mounted missiles.

Dan McCoy

[30:31] It's an extension of me.

[30:32] There's going to be trouble.

[30:32] You pry my gun

[30:33] when you pry it

[30:33] from my cold, dead shoulder.

[30:35] Yep.

[30:35] That's what he says.

Elliott Kalan

[30:36] And Johnny Five

[30:37] is alive at the moment,

[30:38] President Obama.

Stuart Wellington

[30:40] The only thing

[30:41] that disassembles

[30:42] a bad guy

[30:42] with a shoulder-mounted gun.

Elliott Kalan

[30:44] It's a good guy

[30:45] with a shoulder-mounted gun.

[30:46] I was going to say it,

[30:46] but that's true.

[30:47] Yeah.

[30:48] So anyway,

[30:50] maybe one of the

[30:50] lamer Christ parables

[30:51] in children's film.

Dan McCoy

[30:54] Yeah.

[30:54] They didn't even give him,

[30:56] they didn't even bother

[30:56] to give him

[30:57] JC initials.

Stuart Wellington

[30:59] Yeah, yeah.

[31:00] Jimmy the...

[31:01] Johnny Cabbage.

[31:07] That was the working title,

[31:08] I think.

Elliott Kalan

[31:08] But also,

[31:09] like,

[31:09] they didn't really make

[31:11] very much of him

[31:11] being a plant.

[31:12] Is it too much

[31:13] to have him put down

[31:14] roots in one scene?

[31:15] Too much for him

[31:15] to grow a flower

[31:16] in his hair or something?

[31:18] Like, really plant it up,

[31:19] you know?

[31:19] Make the most out

[31:20] of this stupid concept

[31:21] you have.

Stuart Wellington

[31:22] I think they should have,

[31:23] when casting the spell

[31:25] and writing down things,

[31:26] they should have written down

[31:27] something that was

[31:27] kind of a non-sequitur

[31:28] that they would have had

[31:30] to spend more time

[31:31] showing how he accomplishes

[31:32] this goal.

[31:33] Like what?

[31:35] Like...

[31:35] Like ride an elephant

[31:36] or something?

[31:37] Like maybe because

[31:38] they're killing this bottle

[31:39] of wine,

[31:40] maybe they're like,

[31:40] yeah,

[31:41] maybe he makes

[31:42] elephant sounds

[31:43] when people talk to him

[31:44] or I don't know.

[31:45] Why would they want that?

[31:46] Weird.

[31:47] Or maybe he's got

[31:48] a really cool long ponytail.

Dan McCoy

[31:50] That's what every parent

[31:52] wishes for their child.

Stuart Wellington

[31:54] Cool long ponytail.

[31:55] Just a rat tail

Elliott Kalan

[31:56] hanging off the back

[31:57] of his head.

[31:58] Totally awesome that way.

[31:59] If late night Walmart trips

[32:00] are to be believed,

[32:01] then you're right.

[32:02] See,

[32:03] the problem I have

[32:04] is I worry about

[32:05] the little girl

[32:06] who becomes their child

[32:06] at the end

[32:07] because they're going

[32:08] to be so disappointed

[32:09] in her lack

[32:09] of plant-based talents.

[32:10] They're going to be like,

[32:11] okay,

[32:12] so we're really looking

[32:12] forward to being your parents

[32:13] because we know

[32:14] you're going to rock.

[32:15] Actually,

[32:15] I'm just a kid.

[32:16] I don't rock.

[32:16] Well,

[32:16] but you're a gifted artist.

[32:18] No,

[32:19] I'm not.

[32:20] Really good at soccer?

[32:21] No,

[32:22] I can't do that.

[32:23] Do you at least

[32:23] have leaves on your legs

[32:25] and you'll inspire us

[32:26] to create a new type

[32:27] of pencil

[32:27] that saves the town?

[32:29] No,

[32:29] I'm just a kid.

[32:30] They're going to want

[32:31] to send her back

[32:31] to the orphanage.

[32:33] You know what?

[32:34] Give us a Chia Pet.

[32:35] We'll teach you

[32:35] how to go to school.

[32:36] We'll be okay.

Stuart Wellington

[32:37] So there's going to be

[32:38] conspiracy theories

[32:39] in that town

[32:40] as to why that kid

[32:41] disappeared, right?

[32:41] Oh yeah,

[32:42] government took him.

[32:43] Yeah,

[32:43] it's got to be.

[32:44] The study is leaf-based.

[32:46] See,

[32:46] if I was going to do a sequel,

Elliott Kalan

[32:47] it would be called

[32:47] The Otter Life of Sammy Brown

[32:49] and that would be

[32:50] another kid in town

[32:51] who thinks that the government

[32:53] stole Timothy Green

[32:54] and starts,

[32:56] I guess starts a militia,

[32:58] you know,

[32:58] to free Timothy Green

[32:59] and blows up

[33:01] a federal building

[33:01] and then I guess

[33:04] he would go to jail.

[33:05] Oh,

[33:06] that's too bad.

[33:06] I guess it's really more

[33:07] the Timothy McVeigh story.

[33:08] I mean,

Elliott Kalan

[33:08] I guess it's not too bad

[33:08] that it goes to greed.

[33:09] People probably got hurt.

[33:11] I don't know about

[33:12] saying political screed.

Stuart Wellington

[33:14] Nobody gets hurt

[33:14] and

[33:15] Sammy Brown dies

[33:18] at the end, right?

[33:19] Oh,

[33:19] of course,

[33:19] the shootout with the police.

[33:22] His time here on this planet

[33:23] was done, Dan.

[33:24] That's the thing.

[33:25] He accomplished everything.

[33:26] You got to teach kids

[33:27] the circle of life.

Elliott Kalan

[33:28] Timothy Green keeps saying

[33:29] like,

[33:29] I don't have a lot of,

[33:30] like,

[33:30] he basically knows

[33:31] he doesn't have a lot of time

[33:32] on Earth

[33:33] and you wonder why

[33:34] he's not doing

[33:35] something more useful.

[33:37] rather than,

Dan McCoy

[33:38] you know,

[33:39] like,

[33:39] cycling around

[33:40] with his girlfriend

[33:40] and soaking in the sun.

Elliott Kalan

[33:42] Kicking soccer balls.

[33:42] Although I guess

[33:43] if you only had one day left,

[33:46] would you try something big

[33:47] or would you just enjoy

[33:48] the simple pleasures

[33:49] of cycling around

[33:49] with your 14-year-old girlfriend

[33:51] soaking in the sun?

[33:52] I mean,

[33:52] he changes how...

[33:53] You get only one shot,

[33:53] you don't stop,

[33:54] you never let it,

[33:55] miss your moment,

[33:56] you own it.

Stuart Wellington

[33:57] He changes what I'm assuming

[33:58] is the entire pencil industry

[34:00] of the United States of America,

[34:02] Elliot.

[34:02] Well,

[34:02] that's actually the sequel.

Dan McCoy

[34:03] It revolutionizes

[34:04] non-pen-based writing.

Elliott Kalan

[34:06] The sequel I would like to see,

[34:08] all malicious stories aside,

[34:10] would be called

[34:10] The Odd Life of Timothy Green 2.

[34:12] Green's back,

[34:13] gotta attack,

[34:14] and he comes back.

[34:17] The town is super wealthy

[34:18] from this new leaf pencil

[34:19] and they've let it go

[34:20] to their heads.

[34:21] It's just parties

[34:23] and liquor

[34:23] and blow

[34:24] and hookers

[34:25] and Timothy Green has to...

Stuart Wellington

[34:27] A montage of people

[34:28] smashing computer screens

[34:29] with pencils.

Elliott Kalan

[34:29] Just because they can.

[34:31] And Timothy Green

[34:32] brings his wrath down

[34:33] because they've forgotten

[34:34] his teachings.

[34:35] I think that's what would happen.

Dan McCoy

[34:37] All right.

[34:38] Well,

[34:38] I think that it is time

[34:39] to make our final judgments

[34:40] on this movie.

[34:41] Good,

[34:41] good movie.

[34:42] Whether it's moving on.

[34:43] I kind of don't remember

Elliott Kalan

[34:44] the movie now that I have

Dan McCoy

[34:45] these bizarre and scary versions

[34:47] that I've come up with.

[34:48] Good,

[34:48] bad movie,

[34:49] a bad,

[34:49] bad movie

[34:50] or a movie we kind of liked.

[34:51] What do you think,

[34:52] Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[34:53] I think it was a bad,

[34:54] bad movie.

[34:55] But it's,

[34:56] like I said in a thousand words,

[34:57] like I like this type

[34:58] of fantasy story

[35:00] done set in modern day

[35:02] and I wish Hollywood

[35:03] would do more of it.

[35:04] I just wish they had

[35:04] heightened it more,

[35:05] made it more

[35:06] out of the ordinary

[35:07] as opposed to just

[35:08] a kid who happened

[35:09] to have leaves

[35:10] on his ankles.

[35:11] That's true.

[35:12] What do you say?

Stuart Wellington

[35:13] I'll agree that it's bad,

[35:14] bad and I'm going to touch

[35:15] on something you talked about

[35:16] while we were watching it

[35:17] is that it seems

[35:18] more competently made

[35:19] than most of the movies

[35:20] we watch.

[35:21] Like it looks pretty good.

[35:23] There's a lot of actors

[35:24] that are normally

[35:26] pretty good in it.

[35:28] But it is just,

[35:30] like the script

[35:30] is so bland and flat

[35:31] it doesn't really make

[35:33] a movie.

Elliott Kalan

[35:35] And you want to give

[35:35] the movie points

[35:36] for being very earnest

[35:37] and very unironic.

[35:39] Except for the lowrider scene

[35:40] there's like no

[35:41] pop culture references.

[35:43] There's no scene

[35:44] where like...

[35:45] Nothing to date it

[35:46] for when people watch it

[35:47] a hundred years from now.

[35:48] A hundred years from now

[35:49] when people wishing

[35:50] to know how we lived

[35:51] in the 21st century

[35:52] watch Timothy Green

[35:53] they'll be like

[35:55] this could have been

[35:55] shot yesterday

[35:56] except they don't have

[35:57] space cars.

[35:58] But also like

[35:59] there's not a lot of

[36:00] like snark to it.

[36:02] The characters are

[36:03] well-meaning

[36:03] like they want to

[36:05] love each other.

[36:06] It's not...

[36:07] There's nothing at all

Stuart Wellington

[36:08] that could be in any way

[36:09] possibly offensive.

Elliott Kalan

[36:11] As I believe you read

[36:12] in a comment on IMDb.

Stuart Wellington

[36:14] By IMDb user

[36:15] boba underscore

[36:16] fet 1138.

Elliott Kalan

[36:18] Means there were

[36:19] 1137 to 38

[36:21] fetts before him.

[36:23] But it's...

[36:24] You want to give them

[36:24] points for doing

[36:25] an earnest film

[36:26] and not doing like

[36:28] a Simon and the Chip...

[36:29] Alvin and the Chipmunks

[36:30] type like edgy movie.

[36:32] I think you're giving

[36:32] Simon the credit

[36:33] out of the Chipmunks.

[36:34] Look, Simon was always

[36:34] the glue that held

[36:35] the Chipmunks together.

[36:36] But it's just

[36:37] they don't...

[36:38] The story is so weak.

[36:39] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[36:40] I think I'll give it

[36:41] a marginal good-bad

[36:43] just because I think

[36:44] that this concept

[36:46] is so crazy

[36:47] and it's played

[36:48] so straight

[36:49] that I think

[36:50] that you possibly

[36:51] could get a little

[36:51] enjoyment out of...

Elliott Kalan

[36:52] It's pretty...

[36:54] Kind of the last

[36:55] 20 to 30 minutes.

[36:56] I wish the movie

[36:57] was as crazy

[36:58] as those 20 to 30 minutes.

[37:00] Because it's kind of

[37:01] dull before then.

Stuart Wellington

[37:02] That boy has leaves

[37:03] on his ankle

[37:04] when I really got you,

[37:05] didn't it?

[37:05] Yeah, it did.

[37:06] It did.

[37:07] Before we get on to our...

[37:08] It's rare when

Elliott Kalan

[37:09] a single line of dialogue

[37:10] can elevate a movie

[37:11] from bad-bad to good-bad.

[37:14] But if Diane Weiss

[37:14] is talking about...

[37:15] Bad-bad to madness.

Stuart Wellington

[37:18] A razor's edge.

Dan McCoy

[37:21] I want to briefly,

[37:22] before we get into our letters,

[37:24] mention a couple of plugs

[37:25] on behalf of

[37:27] All Things Comedy.

[37:28] They've added

[37:29] a couple of new podcasts.

[37:31] The Champs Podcast

[37:31] with Neil Britten,

[37:33] Masha Kasher,

[37:34] and DJ Doug Pound.

[37:37] And also Soccer Comics.

[37:39] What's the score?

[37:40] Soccer Comics

[37:41] with comedians

[37:42] Ian Edwards

[37:43] and Jason Gillerns.

[37:46] They'll probably have

[37:46] a lot to say

[37:47] about Timothy Green.

[37:48] Yeah.

[37:48] With all the soccer in it.

[37:50] You should probably,

[37:50] yeah, you should probably

[37:51] check it out.

[37:51] Probably a lot of

[37:52] Timothy Green fanfic

[37:55] over at the soccer comics.

Elliott Kalan

[37:57] Over at their new podcast,

[37:58] The Greenhouse.

[37:59] Nothing but Timothy Green

[38:01] And you can find all that

Dan McCoy

[38:02] listed by Tom Green

[38:03] at allthingscomedy.com.

[38:06] But now,

[38:07] it's time to move on

[38:08] to our letter segment,

[38:11] the Flophouse

[38:12] Movie Mailbag.

[38:13] Everyone's favorite,

[38:14] especially Elliot's.

[38:15] It is my favorite,

[38:16] especially Elliot's.

Stuart Wellington

[38:17] Our favorite

[38:18] non-song-based

[38:19] section of the podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[38:21] I think there should be

[38:22] a song.

[38:23] I don't know, guys.

[38:24] I know I'm outvoted here,

[38:26] two to one,

[38:27] but something tells me

[38:27] there should be a song

[38:28] about letters.

[38:29] Yeah, we should probably

[38:30] just move it out.

[38:31] This first letter.

[38:32] Read out the mail.

[38:33] It's a hail of letters.

[38:35] Better read those letters.

[38:37] Letters together.

[38:38] Letters for all.

[38:41] Letters.

[38:42] So tall,

[38:42] this stack of letters.

[38:43] Let's read them

[38:44] and try to get

[38:45] some of them read.

[38:47] Letters.

Dan McCoy

[38:48] Okay, thank you.

[38:49] This first letter

[38:51] is from Paige's

[38:52] last name withheld.

[38:53] It's titled,

[38:54] You're My Only Horror Movie Hope.

[38:56] Dearest Flophouse guys

[38:58] and house cat,

[38:58] I've searched

[38:59] and I've searched,

[39:00] but I've never found

[39:01] nowhere on earth

[39:02] that can tell me

[39:02] the name of a fantastic

[39:04] horror movie

[39:05] I saw when I was about 20.

Stuart Wellington

[39:07] Let me help.

[39:08] It's called Castle Freak.

[39:10] Let me just ask you this.

[39:11] This freak

[39:11] ripping his own dick off.

[39:12] Do they mention

Elliott Kalan

[39:12] a ding-dong being ripped off

[39:13] and not really happening

[39:15] on screen?

Dan McCoy

[39:16] She says,

[39:17] Can you tell me

[39:17] what it was?

[39:18] I'm hoping between

[39:19] the three of you

[39:19] that someone,

[39:20] probably Stuart,

[39:21] will know what I'm talking about.

[39:23] I'll give you some info.

[39:24] It was about

[39:24] a rather cliched mad scientist

[39:27] who cliché-ity

[39:29] creates the perfect man.

[39:31] The dialogue was horrible

[39:32] as you'd expect

[39:33] on TV in the middle of the night

[39:35] in some hotel horror tale,

[39:36] but here's the beauty,

[39:38] literally,

[39:38] of the movie.

[39:39] The man-made man

[39:40] is stunning.

[39:41] He's a patchwork

[39:42] of different colored skins

[39:43] and the makeup artist

[39:44] did him full justice.

[39:46] He's not disgusting

[39:47] or gory.

[39:47] He's a beautiful,

[39:48] a beautiful quilt

[39:49] of a man.

[39:50] I feel the title

[39:51] is something like

[39:51] Dr. Patches,

[39:53] but that's turned up

[39:53] nothing at all.

[39:54] Please, please,

[39:56] please help.

[39:56] I listen religiously

[39:57] and tell as many

[39:58] of my friends

[39:58] as will tolerate

[39:59] being told.

[40:00] I ask in return

[40:01] only your help

[40:02] in rediscovering this movie.

[40:03] I'm sorry it doesn't have

[40:04] any ripped off genitalia

[40:05] or exposed boobs

[40:06] to provide intrigue.

Elliott Kalan

[40:08] There's no boobs.

Dan McCoy

[40:09] If I ever make a horror movie

[40:12] in your honor,

[40:12] I'll be sure to include

[40:13] those and a loudly meowing

[40:15] but never seen cat

[40:16] just to say thank you.

[40:17] What has two thumbs

[40:19] and lives in fear

[40:19] of the flop house ending?

[40:20] Probably lots of people,

[40:22] but specifically me.

[40:23] Page last name.

[40:24] Thanks, Page,

Elliott Kalan

[40:24] for writing in.

[40:25] Now, that movie,

[40:26] I hope,

[40:26] would be called,

[40:27] well,

[40:29] I don't remember

[40:29] the joke

[40:30] I was going to make.

[40:30] So we know the movie's not

[40:32] Jekyll and Hyde together again.

[40:33] It's not Dr. Patches.

[40:34] We know it's not

[40:35] Wax or the Discovery

[40:36] of Television

[40:37] Among the Bees.

[40:38] So it's a movie

[40:40] that's not one

[40:40] of those two movies.

[40:41] We know it's not

[40:41] Wompier.

Stuart Wellington

[40:43] It's probably not

[40:44] Castle Freak,

[40:45] but read the entire letter again.

[40:47] Maybe it'll joke something.

Elliott Kalan

[40:48] Yeah, yeah.

[40:49] It's probably not

[40:51] M. Hulo's Holiday.

[40:55] Because that's not

[40:56] a horror movie.

[40:57] Now, there was

[40:57] a sci-fi channel

[40:58] original movie

[40:59] that I think

[41:00] Mark Paul Gosler

[41:01] was in.

[41:01] That was a Frankenstein movie

[41:03] where he did have

[41:03] patches all over him

[41:04] like that.

[41:05] And I wonder

[41:06] if that was it,

[41:06] but I don't know.

[41:07] what it was called.

[41:08] If it was called

[41:09] Frankenstein

[41:10] or if it was called

[41:11] like Patchwork Man.

[41:12] I read this in part

[41:14] because I feel like

[41:15] if we open this up

[41:17] to the Flophouse

[41:18] listening audience,

Dan McCoy

[41:20] maybe they'd be able

[41:22] to help.

[41:23] And if you get on

[41:24] the Flophouse

[41:25] Facebook page,

[41:26] perhaps we can

[41:27] crowdsource this.

[41:28] Okay, let's see.

[41:28] It's not Gorgo.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] And it's not

[41:31] It's not Morgo.

[41:32] It's not Morgo.

[41:33] It's not Morgana

[41:33] the Kissing Bambit,

[41:34] which is not a movie

[41:35] of a person.

[41:36] It's not Zorro

[41:37] the Gay Blade.

[41:38] It's not the Hot Rock.

[41:40] It's not Dollar Sign.

[41:41] It's starring Robert Redford.

[41:42] Elliot goes through all of those.

[41:44] Not Robert Redford.

[41:44] Robert Redford's in the Hot Rock.

[41:45] I'll move on

[41:45] to the next letter,

[41:46] which is

[41:46] I'm currently drawing a blank.

Stuart Wellington

[41:48] It's not Spaceballs.

[41:50] But that doesn't mean

[41:50] I'm not going to go home

[41:51] and utilize every

[41:53] resource in my disposal.

[41:54] You are not going to sleep

[41:55] until you find this out.

[41:56] Resource in my disposal.

Elliott Kalan

[41:56] It's not Ilsa

[41:58] Harem Keeper

[41:58] of the Oil Sheeps.

[41:59] This next letter

[42:00] is titled

[42:00] Intellectual Property Theft.

[42:03] I want to suggest first,

[42:05] let's take this gauntlet.

[42:07] If anyone is trying

[42:08] to remember the title

[42:08] of a movie

[42:09] in the future,

[42:10] send us a letter

[42:10] and maybe you'll hear

[42:11] the answer

[42:12] a couple months later.

Dan McCoy

[42:15] This letter is titled

[42:16] Intellectual Property Theft.

[42:16] It's not Buford's Beach Buddies.

[42:19] Sure, starring Tom Hanks, brother.

[42:21] Yeah.

[42:22] It's not Swamp Thing 2.

[42:23] This is from Mike,

[42:25] Just wondering,

[42:26] has Stewart considered

[42:27] taking legal action

[42:28] against MGA Entertainment

[42:30] for stealing his idea

[42:32] for a spellcasting brat?

[42:34] And he includes a link

[42:37] to http www.bratzillas.com.

[42:44] Bratzillas.com.

[42:45] Stay floppy.

[42:46] Mike, last name withheld.

[42:48] Okay, well,

[42:48] I can't click on that link

[42:50] because you just read it out loud.

[42:51] I went to bratzillas.com.

[42:53] Okay, paint me a picture.

[42:54] As if you had never

[42:55] been there before.

[42:56] It was a bunch of

[42:57] witch brats.

[42:59] Wait, say this again.

[43:00] Witch brats.

[43:00] Well, which brats were they?

Elliott Kalan

[43:01] Yeah, which brats were they, Dan?

[43:03] Wait, wait, say again.

[43:05] What were they?

[43:05] They're high-fiving,

Dan McCoy

[43:06] but they shouldn't be.

Elliott Kalan

[43:08] What was it?

[43:08] Wait, the brats are high-fiving?

Dan McCoy

[43:10] Brats,

[43:11] lady brats

[43:12] in a conical hat.

Elliott Kalan

[43:15] A comical hat?

[43:16] Like a beret?

[43:17] Like a beanie?

Dan McCoy

[43:19] Flying around on broomsticks.

[43:21] Witch brats.

[43:22] How are we supposed to know?

[43:24] You're telling us.

[43:25] So spellcasting brats.

[43:29] Okay.

[43:30] Honestly, I think it's funny

[43:32] that the website is

[43:34] bratzillas.com

[43:35] and they're witch brats

[43:36] rather than giant lizard brats.

[43:38] Monster brats.

[43:39] Yeah, that doesn't make any sense.

[43:41] It seems odd.

Stuart Wellington

[43:41] I mean, are you saying

[43:42] that a giant lizard

[43:43] can't have bratitude?

[43:44] Yeah, come on.

[43:45] Are you suggesting this, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[43:46] Look, everyone can have bratitude.

[43:47] Yeah, inside of us.

[43:48] If they believe.

Stuart Wellington

[43:49] Yeah, if you look deep enough.

[43:51] Speaking of.

Dan McCoy

[43:51] What do you think?

[43:52] I mean, why?

[43:54] I might be able to take

[43:55] legal action against

Stuart Wellington

[43:56] MGA, MGM?

[43:59] Who am I doing this against?

[44:00] I got to know who I'm suing.

[44:02] No, just send a lawsuit.

Elliott Kalan

[44:03] Just write to everyone.

[44:05] Yeah, I think we see

[44:06] what the problem is here.

[44:07] Love, Stuart.

[44:09] Oh, okay.

[44:09] P.S.

[44:10] You're sued for my witch brats.

[44:11] Put a little bit of sugar

Dan McCoy

[44:12] on that salt.

[44:13] Love, Stuart.

[44:14] Yeah.

[44:14] Here's a signed 8x10.

Elliott Kalan

[44:16] Hey, you catch more lawsuits

[44:17] with honey than vinegar, you know.

[44:19] Signed 8x10.

[44:22] So, okay, speaking of.

[44:23] The movie,

[44:24] less named earlier,

[44:24] wasn't Godzilla Raids again?

[44:26] All right.

[44:26] It's not Godzilla's Revenge.

[44:28] It's not Godzilla vs. Destroyah.

[44:30] Neither is it Godzilla vs. Biollante.

[44:32] This letter's titled

[44:34] Listener from Another Continent.

[44:35] It's not Candyman 2

[44:36] Farewell to Flesh.

Dan McCoy

[44:37] It's from Gareth,

[44:39] He says,

[44:39] Hey, guys.

[44:40] It's not Harry and the Hendersons.

[44:41] Just wanted to say thanks

[44:42] for taking time out of your busy schedules

[44:44] to meet up.

[44:45] I had a great time

[44:46] and really enjoyed seeing Brooklyn.

[44:49] They say you shouldn't meet your heroes,

[44:50] but in this case,

[44:51] that wasn't true,

[44:51] except my girlfriend

[44:52] hasn't stopped talking about

[44:53] how handsome Stuart is.

[44:54] Aw, whoops.

[44:55] Should have been expected, really.

[44:58] I forgot to make

[44:59] one movie recommendation.

[45:00] Stuart, you said you would turn it down.

[45:01] I forgot to make

[45:02] one movie recommendation, though.

[45:04] Being from England,

[45:05] I want to recommend

[45:06] something my country has produced,

[45:07] but not something

[45:08] that's already well known.

[45:09] As such,

[45:10] I would recommend

[45:10] the 1982 animated movie,

[45:13] The Plague Dogs.

[45:14] I saw it earlier this year,

[45:16] and it really grabbed me.

[45:17] It's from the same team

[45:17] behind Watership Down,

[45:19] and it's based on a novel

[45:20] by the same author.

[45:21] It might not be

[45:22] the most upbeat movie ever made,

[45:24] but I loved it,

[45:25] and it really is...

[45:25] Really?

[45:26] from the same people who made

[45:27] from the same people who made

Dan McCoy

[45:27] Watership Down.

[45:27] It's not upbeat.

[45:29] If you would like to see it,

[45:31] but would have trouble finding it,

[45:32] I could put my DVD copy

[45:33] up on Rapid Share.

[45:34] I don't recommend it.

[45:35] No, don't do that.

[45:35] Don't do that.

[45:37] But anyway,

[45:38] thanks again.

[45:38] Keep up the good work,

[45:39] and enjoy those pencil sharpeners.

[45:41] This is from Gareth.

[45:42] I still got mine.

[45:43] Yeah, me too.

[45:44] Mine's on my desk at work.

Stuart Wellington

[45:45] Yeah, that movie,

[45:46] I remember seeing Plague Dogs

[45:47] when I was a kid.

[45:49] I had the cool uncle

[45:51] who had a whole bunch

[45:52] of board games in his basement.

[45:53] Uncle Buck.

[45:54] Yeah, he let me watch it

[45:55] while he was making me

[45:56] giant-sized pancakes

[45:57] with a shovel,

[45:58] and I was horrified.

[46:02] It is super-duper sad.

[46:05] So if you like being a kid

[46:07] and watching really sad-ass

[46:08] fucking shit about dogs,

[46:11] watch Plague Dogs.

[46:12] If you want to grow up

Dan McCoy

[46:13] to be like Stuart,

[46:14] you've got to warp your brain early.

[46:15] I think we all do.

Elliott Kalan

[46:16] But maybe you want something

[46:17] more upbeat,

[46:18] like When the Wind Blows.

[46:22] Yeah.

[46:23] So thanks, England.

[46:25] Thanks, England,

[46:25] for making depressing cartoons.

[46:27] And also Wallace and Gromit.

Dan McCoy

[46:29] No, but I did want to read this

[46:31] in thanks to Gareth,

[46:33] who we met in person.

[46:36] I actually,

[46:37] unfortunately,

[46:37] didn't get the chance,

Elliott Kalan

[46:38] and I apologize, Gareth,

[46:39] that I couldn't make it that night.

[46:40] I had a family thing

[46:41] that got in the way.

[46:42] Your miniature motorcycle

[46:43] broke down.

[46:44] But he made a point.

[46:45] Look, it's so hard

[46:46] to get places

[46:47] when your mouth sighs.

[46:48] You need your tiny motorcycle.

Dan McCoy

[46:50] He made a point of,

[46:51] during his time in...

[46:54] America.

[46:55] America.

[46:56] The colonies,

[46:56] if you will.

Elliott Kalan

[46:57] Nope, not since 1787.

Dan McCoy

[46:59] To stop by

[47:01] and say hi to us.

[47:01] 1781, I guess.

[47:02] And bring us

[47:03] some die-cast models

[47:04] of some British things

[47:05] that are also

[47:06] pencil sharpeners.

[47:07] So, if anyone

[47:08] is from another country...

[47:09] I'm trying to get drunk.

Elliott Kalan

[47:10] Yeah, I don't know how...

[47:11] I always try and do that

[47:12] when fans come visit me.

[47:14] So, if anyone's

[47:15] from another country

[47:15] and you're a fan of the show

[47:16] and come and visit us,

[47:17] bring us a tiny souvenir.

Dan McCoy

[47:19] If you're from this country

[47:20] and you're a fan,

Elliott Kalan

[47:21] go fuck yourself.

[47:22] Whoa!

[47:23] Whoa!

[47:24] We don't need it.

[47:26] This is not...

[47:27] Yeah, I don't know

[47:27] if I'm endorsing this.

[47:28] Stuart and Elliot

[47:29] do not endorse

[47:30] Dan's hatred of the fans.

Dan McCoy

[47:32] So, this last letter

Elliott Kalan

[47:34] of the evening...

[47:34] What movie could it be?

[47:35] It's not Masters of the Universe.

[47:36] This is the last letter

[47:37] of the evening.

[47:37] It's not Justin Bieber

[47:39] Never Stop Believin'

[47:39] or whatever it's called.

Dan McCoy

[47:40] It comes from Ben

[47:41] Middle Name Withheld Newman.

[47:42] That's the whole title?

[47:43] I don't...

[47:44] Yeah, I think so.

[47:45] This gentleman writes,

[47:46] Dear Stuart Wellington's Flophouse.

[47:48] Oh, wow.

[47:48] Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[47:50] I've been listening

[47:50] to your podcast

[47:51] for a few months now

[47:52] and while I enjoy it,

[47:53] there have been

[47:53] some disturbing trends

[47:55] in recent episodes

[47:55] I think should be addressed.

[47:57] Firstly,

[47:58] there used to be

[47:58] three or four episodes

[47:59] a day I could listen to.

[48:01] What?

[48:01] Whereas now,

[48:02] there's only one

[48:03] every couple of weeks or so.

[48:05] I don't...

[48:05] That's on Dan's head.

[48:06] I can only assume

[48:07] that as the podcast

[48:09] has become more popular,

[48:10] you've all become rich and lazy,

[48:12] particularly Dan,

[48:13] who I know does

[48:14] the least work of the group.

[48:15] He does no work at all.

[48:16] But a far more worrying change

[48:18] has been the gradual sanitizing

[48:19] of the podcast

[48:20] and what I can only assume

[48:22] is an attempt to appeal

[48:23] to more family-friendly

[48:24] and tween markets.

Elliott Kalan

[48:25] I mean, we've been swearing

[48:26] and talking about ding-dongs

Dan McCoy

[48:27] being ripped off.

[48:28] Totally.

[48:29] In hindsight,

[48:30] the announcement

[48:30] that BigSauceIsPizza.com

[48:32] was no longer sponsoring

[48:33] the podcast

[48:34] was the beginning of the end

[48:35] for a saucier,

[48:36] more adult blophouse.

[48:37] Saucier,

[48:37] no pun intended.

[48:38] And before I knew it,

[48:39] you were dropping my...

[48:40] You don't want too much sauce

Stuart Wellington

[48:41] on one of those pizzas

[48:41] or else you're going to

[48:42] burn somebody's fucking

[48:43] scrotum off.

Dan McCoy

[48:44] Before I knew it,

[48:45] you were dropping...

[48:45] Burn it off, really?

Elliott Kalan

[48:47] It'll crisp off

[48:48] and float away

[48:49] like a leaf.

[48:50] That's horrible.

Dan McCoy

[48:52] You were dropping

[48:52] my favorite features

[48:53] left and right.

[48:54] Gone was Dan's

[48:55] Taylor Lautner segment

[48:56] where he would sigh

[48:58] mournfully over visions

[48:59] of Lautner in short shorts

[49:00] while rubbing his hooks together.

[49:01] That still happens,

[49:02] just not on the podcast.

[49:04] Rubbing his hooks together.

[49:06] Replaced by aggressively

[49:07] homophobic rants

[49:08] in a thinly veiled attempt

[49:09] to satisfy

[49:10] your new Christian audience.

[49:12] Gone were the racist

[49:13] Elliot's sordid tale

[49:14] of sexual misadventures

[49:15] with his on-again,

[49:17] off-again girlfriend

[49:17] Anne Hathaway.

[49:19] Gone was Stu's...

[49:20] Look, can I help it

Elliott Kalan

[49:20] if we're both turned on

[49:21] by xenophobia?

Dan McCoy

[49:22] Gone was Stu's

[49:23] regular cooking segment

[49:24] where he would describe

[49:25] in mind-numbing detail

[49:26] how to make a suicide sandwich.

Elliott Kalan

[49:28] Yeah, that's one of my

[49:30] favorite things ever.

[49:31] That's what kids like to eat, right?

[49:32] One of my favorite things ever

[49:33] on the Flophouse

[49:34] is Stuart's sandwich recipe.

[49:36] Yeah, that's what kids eat

[49:36] when they can't get

[49:37] cut-up hot dogs

[49:38] or dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

[49:40] Gone was the house cat.

Dan McCoy

[49:42] I understand every show

[49:43] must change and adapt

[49:44] but if you could please add

[49:45] say 50 or 60 back episodes

[49:47] to the iTunes roster

[49:48] that would be greatly appreciated.

Stuart Wellington

[49:50] Where we all have mustaches,

[49:52] our hair's a little thicker,

[49:53] we wear a lot more t-shirts

[49:55] with bands on them.

Elliott Kalan

[49:56] To be fair, to explain

[49:56] about the house cat,

[49:57] he's actually been on sabbatical

[49:58] for a while

[49:59] and then he stopped

[50:00] returning our calls.

[50:01] Yeah, he got a grant.

Dan McCoy

[50:03] He got a grant

[50:03] for awesomeness studies.

Elliott Kalan

[50:05] He's, yes, traveling the world

[50:07] to see how different cultures

[50:08] handle awesomeness.

Stuart Wellington

[50:09] He's auditioning

[50:10] for the big leagues.

[50:12] Apparently there's

[50:12] other bad movie podcasts

[50:14] that are super popular

[50:15] and they want him

[50:17] out of all three of us.

[50:17] I'm not surprised.

Elliott Kalan

[50:18] He's the breakout star.

[50:20] Of all the sound effects

[50:21] you can hear on a podcast,

[50:23] he's the breakout star.

[50:24] Uh-oh!

[50:25] Uh-oh kid is pretty good too.

Dan McCoy

[50:27] Don't worry, uh-oh kid.

[50:28] You'll get your chance

[50:29] in the spotlight.

[50:30] Oh!

[50:31] But Ben,

[50:31] middle name with Helden Newman

[50:33] says,

[50:33] P.S.

[50:33] Stewart's recommendations

[50:34] are the only ones

[50:35] I pay any attention to.

[50:36] Whoa!

[50:37] Sorry!

[50:38] Dan only recommends

[50:40] the popular tween films

[50:41] of the moment

[50:41] and the racist Elliot

[50:42] just recommends

[50:43] whatever he thinks

[50:44] will make him sound

[50:45] pretentious.

[50:46] I don't know why

[50:47] I'm racist all of a sudden.

[50:48] As I have now watched

[50:49] and enjoyed Castle Freak

[50:50] and Invisible Maniac.

[50:52] It's on to Head of the Family.

[50:53] Maybe we can start

[50:53] a new regular feature

[50:54] where Stu recommends

[50:55] different films

[50:55] that I could also watch.

[50:57] P.P.S.

[50:58] P.P.S.

Elliott Kalan

[50:59] In addition to the one

[51:00] where he recommends

[51:01] Head of the Family

[51:02] and Castle Freak

[51:04] and Invisible Maniac.

Dan McCoy

[51:05] P.P.S.

[51:05] Here's a picture

[51:06] I drew of April O'Neil

[51:07] with a low-cut top

[51:08] that I thought

[51:09] Stewart might like.

[51:10] And I printed it out.

Stuart Wellington

[51:12] Here you go.

[51:12] Man, she looks like a babe.

[51:13] Is that a turtle there?

Dan McCoy

[51:14] Picture of April O'Neil

[51:16] with a low-cut top.

Stuart Wellington

[51:18] Oh, nice.

[51:18] It looks like

[51:19] she's questioning

[51:19] that turtle

[51:20] and that turtle

[51:21] is turning away

[51:22] from her low-cut top.

Dan McCoy

[51:23] I'd like to see

[51:23] also, Stewart.

Stuart Wellington

[51:24] I would like to see

[51:25] Exhibit A.

[51:26] Wait, is she in like...

[51:27] Exhibit April?

Elliott Kalan

[51:27] Why is she in like

[51:28] a padded room?

[51:29] She looks like...

[51:30] I assume because

[51:31] she's pointing a microphone

[51:33] at a turtle.

[51:34] Not like a ninja turtle,

[51:35] just a turtle.

[51:36] She's gone insane.

[51:37] The implication is

[51:38] that Shredder is...

Dan McCoy

[51:39] Ninja turtles never existed.

[51:40] That this was a figment

[51:42] of her imagination.

Elliott Kalan

[51:44] A figment of her sexy,

[51:45] low-cut imagination.

Stuart Wellington

[51:46] I think it's clearly evidence

[51:48] that Shredder and Krang

[51:49] have completed

[51:50] a campaign of gaslighting

[51:52] where they've slowly driven

[51:54] April O'Neil crazy

[51:55] in order to earn her,

[51:56] I guess,

[51:57] inheritance?

[51:58] She was the turtle's

[51:58] Achilles heel.

[51:59] Yeah, heard the jewelry

Elliott Kalan

[52:00] that her aunt left her.

Dan McCoy

[52:02] Yeah, but I mean,

[52:03] I can put a link

[52:06] to Ben Newman's blog

[52:08] where he has that picture.

[52:09] That's a very accomplished

[52:10] picture.

Elliott Kalan

[52:10] That distasteful picture.

[52:11] Very accomplished picture

[52:13] of a child's cartoon star

Stuart Wellington

[52:16] with a low-cut top.

[52:17] Yeah.

[52:18] I have a new background

[52:19] for my cell phone.

[52:20] Thanks.

Dan McCoy

[52:23] So what do we do now?

[52:25] Now is the point.

Stuart Wellington

[52:26] Well, we're still trying

[52:27] to figure out what that movie was.

Elliott Kalan

[52:28] It's not Mystery Men.

Stuart Wellington

[52:29] Is this when we congratulate

[52:30] each other for being great

[52:31] or did we just do that?

[52:33] Stuart, you're pretty awesome.

[52:34] Hey, thanks, Dan.

[52:35] Even though you injured yourself

[52:37] going down a black diamond

[52:39] Widowmaker hill

[52:41] on your skis.

[52:42] Inaccurate, but thank you.

[52:42] On a single ski?

Elliott Kalan

[52:43] Oh, that's right.

[52:44] Dan is,

[52:45] everyone should know

[52:45] Dan's injured

[52:46] while doing this podcast.

[52:48] Although he was

[52:48] during the last podcast also.

[52:50] Was I?

[52:51] Yeah, during Total Recall?

Stuart Wellington

[52:52] He wasn't.

[52:52] No, he wasn't.

[52:53] He was suffering

[52:54] from a sad case of hot dogging.

Elliott Kalan

[52:57] That's right,

[52:57] you weren't injured yet.

[52:58] Yeah, Dan's on the DL right now.

Dan McCoy

[52:59] I tore my ACL.

[53:01] So any sympathetic tweets?

[53:05] Take a little pressure off you.

[53:07] I don't know what happens.

Elliott Kalan

[53:07] But don't be sympathetic

[53:08] because as Stuart said,

[53:09] he was hot dogging.

[53:09] He was showboating.

[53:11] He does what he calls

[53:12] the upside down propeller ski

[53:13] where he flips up in the air

[53:15] and spins around

[53:16] like his skis are propeller blades.

[53:18] But I mean,

Dan McCoy

[53:18] like I injured myself

[53:19] and unlike in Hot Dog the Movies,

[53:22] say,

[53:22] or Ski School.

[53:23] Or Hot Dog the Food.

[53:24] Or Ski Patrol.

[53:27] Hot ski.

[53:27] Oh, that's right.

[53:28] Hot ski bunnies

[53:29] did not swarm me afterwards

[53:30] to offer me sympathy.

[53:31] I find that incredibly hard.

[53:32] But actually,

Elliott Kalan

[53:33] real bunnies did swarm you

Dan McCoy

[53:34] and started biting you.

[53:35] They bit me.

[53:37] They thought I was a carrot,

Elliott Kalan

[53:38] which is weird.

[53:39] You shouldn't have been

[53:40] wearing a carrot costume.

[53:41] That's what you tripped over

[53:42] when you were skiing.

Stuart Wellington

[53:43] Well, there's no way

[53:44] you're going to be able

[53:45] to win that kickball championship

[53:46] unless the leg brace you got

[53:48] makes your leg extra strong

[53:50] for kicking.

Elliott Kalan

[53:51] It's rookie of the year style.

[53:53] Yep.

[53:54] It's rookie of the year too.

[53:55] Soccer this time.

[53:58] Except instead of a kid,

[53:59] it's a guy in his early 30s

[54:01] who is mournfully sighing

[54:03] 30s is charitable, right?

[54:04] Mid-30s.

[54:05] It ends what, like 42, 52?

Dan McCoy

[54:06] No, it's not.

[54:07] 52.

[54:09] I mean, early 30s is charitable,

[54:11] but only in that I am more

[54:13] of a mid-30s man.

[54:14] Well, I was feeling charitable

[54:15] because you're...

[54:16] I'm on the early side of mid-30s.

Elliott Kalan

[54:17] You're injured and you still

[54:18] haven't been able to get out

[54:18] of that carrot costume.

[54:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[54:21] Let's leave my totally accurate,

[54:24] in real life,

[54:25] actual injury behind

[54:26] and go on to recommendations.

[54:30] That was your Dan in real life update.

[54:32] In real life,

[54:33] Dan's ACL is torn.

[54:34] Dan is prepping for surgery,

[54:37] but in podcast life,

[54:39] let's go on.

Stuart Wellington

[54:39] So now we're going to talk

[54:40] about recommendations

[54:41] and I'm going to barge ahead

[54:42] because I've mainly

[54:44] just been watching...

[54:45] I think I know

[54:46] what you're going to recommend.

[54:47] I've mainly been watching

[54:49] awards season stuff

[54:51] and instead,

[54:52] I'm going to recommend

[54:53] a little movie we saw

[54:55] as the Flophouse

[54:56] was lucky enough

[54:57] last week

[54:58] to go see

[55:00] a double feature

[55:01] hosted by movie director

[55:03] Don Coscarelli

[55:04] at the 92Y Tribeca,

[55:05] the home of the

[55:06] Flophouse live shows.

[55:08] See us there,

[55:09] February 1st.

[55:10] I was super excited

[55:11] to get my poster signed

[55:14] by Don Coscarelli

[55:15] and get to talk to him

[55:16] for a little bit.

Elliott Kalan

[55:16] 92Y Tribeca.org,

Stuart Wellington

[55:17] February 1st.

[55:18] Don't tell her it's me.

[55:19] I would like to recommend

[55:19] a little movie

[55:19] called Phantasm.

[55:21] Oh, not the new one.

[55:23] Okay.

[55:23] I'll recommend

[55:24] the other one then.

[55:25] I want to recommend

[55:25] Phantasm because

[55:26] if you haven't seen it

[55:27] in a while,

[55:28] which is crazy,

[55:29] you should watch it

[55:30] at least every couple

[55:31] of weeks.

[55:32] It is a very strange movie.

[55:34] It unfolds new things

[55:35] every time you watch it.

[55:36] It's like an onion.

[55:37] Yeah.

[55:37] If you ever have

[55:37] an opportunity to see it

[55:38] in the theater,

[55:39] you should take it

[55:40] because it is a great,

[55:41] very strange movie,

[55:43] very slow.

[55:44] Angus Grimm gives

[55:44] an amazing career-making

[55:46] performance.

Elliott Kalan

[55:47] It was a career-making

[55:48] performance and then

[55:49] his career came out of it.

Stuart Wellington

[55:51] It's a movie that,

[55:54] the name of the presenter.

[55:55] Phantasm.

[55:55] No,

[55:56] the presenter at the

[55:58] Kevin Marr.

Elliott Kalan

[55:59] He was interviewed

[56:00] by Kevin Marr

[56:00] who's a friend of ours.

Stuart Wellington

[56:02] And he made a great point

[56:03] that he was quoting somebody

[56:07] when he said

[56:07] that it's a movie

[56:08] that never pauses

[56:10] to kind of explain anything

[56:11] and that's one of the things

[56:13] that makes it

[56:13] like a great movie

[56:14] and also helps it,

[56:16] I think,

[56:16] in a way,

[56:16] live up to the title

[56:17] of Phantasm

[56:18] and that it

[56:18] It feels like a dream.

Elliott Kalan

[56:19] It feels like a dream.

[56:21] A nightmare,

[56:21] if you will.

Stuart Wellington

[56:22] Oh, no.

[56:23] It's the greatest dream

[56:24] I've ever had.

Dan McCoy

[56:25] Oh, really?

[56:25] All right.

[56:26] Well, to buffer

[56:26] what I assume

[56:27] are going to be

[56:28] both Don Coscarelli

[56:29] recommendations,

[56:30] I'm going to step in

[56:31] in the middle.

[56:32] Oh, okay,

[56:32] because I was going to

Elliott Kalan

[56:33] No, I'm going to step

[56:34] in the middle

[56:34] and recommend something

[56:35] just like

[56:36] Another Don Coscarelli movie?

[56:38] Don Coscarelli sandwich.

[56:39] You're going to recommend

[56:40] Beastmaster?

Dan McCoy

[56:40] I'm going to recommend

[56:41] something that is

[56:42] themed to the movie

[56:44] we watched.

[56:45] Invisible Maniac.

[56:46] I'm going to be close.

[56:46] The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

Elliott Kalan

[56:49] You're recommending

[56:50] The Odd Life of Timothy Green?

Dan McCoy

[56:52] It's themed to

[56:53] The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[56:54] Okay.

[56:54] The beginning of

[56:56] The Odd Life of Timothy Green

[56:57] where two expectant parents

[56:59] or not expectant parents

[57:00] but parents who wish

[57:01] they would have a child

[57:02] It's alive?

[57:03] bury what they want

[57:05] in a child out back

[57:07] and then have a child

[57:08] suddenly appear.

[57:09] Oh, The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[57:10] Seems like

Stuart Wellington

[57:11] the beginning to a horror movie.

[57:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[57:13] Like that is a horror movie

[57:15] beginning.

Elliott Kalan

[57:16] And so

[57:16] It's similar in some ways

[57:18] to Jan Svankmeyer's

[57:19] Little Otik.

Dan McCoy

[57:20] Or as Stuart pointed out

[57:21] Pet Sematary.

[57:23] Yeah, yeah.

[57:23] But I would like to recommend

[57:25] a movie that is also based on

[57:27] sort of the idea of

[57:29] expectant parenthood

[57:30] but the horrific side of that

[57:33] and I really enjoyed

[57:34] the movie Orphan

[57:35] which has a bunch of

[57:38] crazy

[57:39] plot twists

[57:42] like great cinematography

[57:44] good performances

[57:46] by Peter Sarsgaard

[57:47] and who's the lady in that?

Elliott Kalan

[57:50] Petra Sarsgaardia?

Dan McCoy

[57:51] No, no.

[57:52] Jesus.

[57:53] Stellan Sarsgaard.

[57:55] No.

[57:55] Peter Stormare?

[57:56] The lady in

[57:57] Oh, God.

[57:59] Vera Farmiga

[58:00] is in it.

[58:01] Oh, from Up in the Air.

[58:02] Yeah.

[58:02] And it has a

[58:04] And time limit loop

[58:06] movie.

[58:06] It has a nutty

[58:07] third act twist

[58:08] that I won't spoil for you

[58:10] but if you're looking

[58:11] for a horror movie

[58:12] that

[58:13] About children.

[58:15] About children.

[58:16] About parenthood.

[58:16] That is beautifully shot

[58:17] better acted

[58:18] than you'd expect

[58:19] and has a

[58:20] very weird

[58:21] denouement

[58:21] than

[58:22] I recommend

[58:24] Orphan

[58:25] but Elliot

[58:26] what would you like

[58:27] to recommend?

Elliott Kalan

[58:27] Before my recommendation

[58:28] I'd just like to mention

[58:29] how pleased I am

[58:30] that in one podcast

[58:31] I have mentioned

[58:32] both Jan Svankmeyer's

[58:34] Little Otik

[58:34] and Buford's

[58:35] Beach Bunnies.

[58:37] USA Up All Night Staple.

[58:39] I will recommend

[58:40] the other movie

[58:41] that we saw

[58:41] in the Don Coscarelli

[58:43] double feature

[58:43] which is his newest film

[58:44] which I believe

[58:45] is on video on demand

[58:46] right now

[58:47] but is going to be

[58:47] in theaters

[58:48] January 25th

[58:49] and that is a little movie

[58:51] called John Dies

[58:52] at the end

[58:53] or J-Date

[58:55] if you shorten it

[58:56] endorsed by all three

[58:57] of the floppers

[58:58] based on the book

[58:59] of the same name

[59:00] and I have to admit

[59:01] when we went

[59:01] I haven't read the book

[59:02] when we went to the screening

[59:03] I was there

[59:04] to see Don Coscarelli

[59:06] and to see Phantasm

[59:07] in the theater

[59:07] and to see me

[59:08] get really excited

[59:09] and to see Stuart

[59:09] get super excited

[59:10] and just

[59:11] to be unable

[59:14] to keep it in his pants

[59:15] because he's so excited

[59:16] to have a phangasm

[59:17] and I

[59:19] was like

[59:20] I'll sit through

[59:21] John Dies the End

[59:21] and I really liked it a lot

[59:23] it's a

[59:23] this very

[59:25] like bizarre

[59:26] silly

[59:26] comedy

[59:27] science fiction

[59:28] thriller

[59:29] horror

[59:29] adventure movie

[59:30] and

[59:31] it's got a great cast

[59:32] Glenn Turbitt's in it

[59:33] Paul Giamatti's in it

[59:35] and Don Coscarelli

[59:36] does a great job with it

[59:37] Genghis Grimm's in it

[59:38] Genghis Grimm has a scene in it

[59:40] and it's

[59:41] really

[59:42] fun

[59:43] and funny

[59:43] and I enjoyed it a lot

[59:44] and it's a

[59:45] small

[59:46] lower budget movie

[59:47] so

[59:48] I'd say

[59:49] give it a try

[59:50] and if you like it

[59:51] tell other people too

[59:52] so it can get some success

Dan McCoy

[59:53] and you recommended it

[59:54] to a friend at work

[59:55] and he also really enjoyed it

[59:57] yeah that's true

[59:58] it's not just crazy

[59:59] flop house hosts

[1:00:00] not just the flop house hosts

[1:00:01] I feel like

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:01] I feel like it's

[1:00:03] I mean both the book

[1:00:04] and the movie

[1:00:05] because I feel Don Coscarelli

[1:00:06] has a talent

[1:00:07] at

[1:00:08] picking authors

[1:00:10] whose work

[1:00:11] he can bring across

[1:00:12] in

[1:00:12] yeah

[1:00:13] like Joe Lansdale

[1:00:14] with Bubba Hotep

[1:00:15] but he

[1:00:16] there's

[1:00:17] it feels almost like

[1:00:18] a

[1:00:19] like the Joss Whedon

[1:00:20] Buffy universe

[1:00:21] if all the heroes

[1:00:22] were kind of

[1:00:23] assholes

[1:00:24] that's true

Dan McCoy

[1:00:26] yeah

[1:00:27] if you thought

[1:00:29] the problem with Buffy

[1:00:30] was everyone was too likable

[1:00:31] yeah

[1:00:32] then John dies at the end

[1:00:33] might be for you

[1:00:34] I mean that is the problem

[1:00:35] I have with Parks and Recreation

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:36] yeah

[1:00:37] but anyway

[1:00:37] too friendly

[1:00:38] everyone's a little too friendly

[1:00:39] alright

[1:00:40] but so

[1:00:41] who's the bad guy

[1:00:43] exactly

[1:00:43] you need a villain

[1:00:44] so I think

[1:00:45] who's badical

[1:00:46] I think

[1:00:46] they should have

[1:00:47] an escaped serial killer

[1:00:48] who kills a different cast member

[1:00:50] every week

[1:00:51] until there's none left

[1:00:52] then it turns out

[1:00:53] it was all a dream

[1:00:53] this sounds amazing

[1:00:55] yeah

[1:00:56] but it was the dream

[1:00:57] of a dog

[1:00:58] and the dog

[1:00:59] has to go on

[1:01:00] an amazing adventure

[1:01:01] to save his owner

[1:01:02] who's just been blasted

[1:01:03] into space

[1:01:04] Barks and Stab Creation

[1:01:06] yeah

[1:01:07] the new show

[1:01:08] Barks and Stab Creation

[1:01:09] starring Eddie the Dog

[1:01:10] and Peter Stormare

[1:01:13] as Stab

[1:01:15] and so I will recommend

[1:01:16] John dies at the end

[1:01:17] alright guys

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:19] three recommendations

[1:01:20] two Don Cascarelli

[1:01:21] is it my birthday

[1:01:22] no that's in a while

Dan McCoy

[1:01:26] I think this has been

[1:01:27] a successful night

[1:01:29] guys

[1:01:29] I mean we recorded

[1:01:30] right

[1:01:31] it didn't fuck up

[1:01:32] yeah this isn't

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:32] a Babylon AD situation

[1:01:33] right

[1:01:34] I hope not

[1:01:35] the fabled lost episode

Dan McCoy

[1:01:36] all that's left now

[1:01:39] is to sign off

[1:01:40] and I will do that now

[1:01:41] for the flop house

[1:01:42] wait wait hold on

[1:01:43] what do we do now

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:43] wait hold on

[1:01:44] for the flop

[1:01:45] wait hold on

[1:01:45] wait I'm not ready yet

[1:01:47] okay no no no

[1:01:49] not ready

[1:01:49] okay

[1:01:49] but for the flop house

[1:01:51] no no no

[1:01:51] I'm the flop house

[1:01:52] for the flop house

[1:01:53] no no no no

[1:01:54] I've been Dan McCoy

Stuart Wellington

[1:01:55] oh wait did you do it

[1:01:57] I've been Dan McCoy

[1:01:58] Stuart

[1:01:58] and me

[1:02:00] Elliot

[1:02:01] goodnight everyone

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:03] perfect ending

[1:02:04] flawless ending

[1:02:06] Angus Scrim

[1:02:16] Scrimshaw

[1:02:17] boy

[1:02:17] you play good game boy

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:22] that's my variation

[1:02:23] on the character

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:24] he's a little bit

[1:02:26] more feminine

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:26] I gotta bring a little

[1:02:27] something of my own

[1:02:28] to it

Elliott Kalan

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:30] that's pretty cool

[1:02:32] it's not as cool

[1:02:32] you guys are ruining it

[1:02:34] whoo

[1:02:35] whoo

[1:02:36] and I did

[1:02:36] phantasm

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:37] he just shouts

[1:02:38] the name of the movie

[1:02:39] phantasm 3

[1:02:41] lord of the dead

[1:02:42] and this is my

[1:02:43] voice for the silver balls

Dan McCoy

[1:02:45] what's over here

[1:02:46] oh go over there

[1:02:47] spikes out

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:47] oh

[1:02:48] still there

[1:02:48] drilling your face

[1:02:51] spikes in your face

[1:02:52] just drilling

[1:02:53] get some blood out of here

[1:02:54] I'm a ball

[1:02:56] woo

[1:02:56] zing

[1:02:57] woo

[1:02:58] over there

[1:02:58] woo

[1:02:59] you

The Flop House: Episode #119 - The Odd Life of Timothy Green

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