The Flop House: Episode #121 - The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss, God help us, the Oogie Loves and the Big Balloon Adventure.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:34] Co-starring Stuart Wellington.

[0:36] And with Elliot Kalin as himself.

[0:39] That's pretty good, guys. I like it. I like the new direction we're taking.

[0:43] Jazz.

[0:43] What?

[0:44] I added some jazz to the opening.

[0:48] Quick, pull up Wikipedia.

[0:49] I mean, it is. I don't know what you want.

[0:52] Don't type in jazz. Type in Oogie Loves.

[0:53] I thought you were saying that was like the new title of our show.

[0:56] Jazz.

[0:58] I wasn't thinking of the musical form jazz.

[1:01] Yeah, this is now the show jazz.

[1:03] Stuart plays Detective Mike Jazz.

[1:05] He's a New Orleans detective.

[1:07] I thought it was maybe a Jag spinoff.

[1:09] No, no.

[1:10] I'm his sidekick.

[1:11] Yeah, it's Jag's younger brother.

[1:12] He's a New Orleans detective.

[1:13] I'm his sidekick, Gizmo Gadget.

[1:15] Okay.

[1:16] And you're the chief.

[1:17] I like it.

[1:18] The chief dies in the first episode.

[1:20] But then your ghost asked me to hand him my badge every episode, basically.

[1:24] Somehow, you're the ghost, but you still have the same job.

[1:28] so uh it might be hard to tell from that introduction but uh but we're broken men

[1:34] we are a podcast that watches bad movies and then discusses them and tonight oh boy

[1:43] have we got a baddie for you so we should do is from the yard fathers knock up your daughters

[1:50] because watch out wow you're gonna have to repopulate the earth after this one

[1:58] We watched a little film.

[2:01] And when we say little, we mean it because it was a box office bomb.

[2:04] Strangely huge film and strangely overdone movie that is also tiny.

[2:09] Its shadow looms over many, many lesser shitty movies.

[2:14] Oh, it looms over human civilization.

[2:16] Yeah.

[2:16] Something slouching towards Oogie Loves.

[2:20] A movie called Oogie Loves the Big Balloon Adventure.

[2:25] Wow!

[2:25] Wait, was it?

[2:27] The house cat is trying to stop us.

[2:29] It's called The Oogie Loves Inn, The Big Balloon Adventure.

[2:32] The Big Balloon Adventure.

[2:33] Now, that points up something interesting about this movie,

[2:37] which was when it was first being advertised,

[2:39] I assumed that The Oogie Loves was something that...

[2:43] That existed.

[2:44] Sure.

[2:44] That people knew about, that I didn't know about because I'm a childless man,

[2:48] but this was surely a...

[2:50] Well, it would be weird for you to know about it.

[2:53] Popular...

[2:53] For a grown man with no children to know children's television characters would be creepy.

[2:58] But I assumed that, okay, this is something that I don't get, but it has a huge following among the children.

[3:05] That's why they made a movie of it.

[3:06] Like a Blue's Clues sort of thing.

[3:08] That's why the title is not – well, that's also the slogan for jazz is Real Life Blue's Clues.

[3:16] Real Life Blue's Clues.

[3:18] Because you solve the crimes by – you play a magic saxophone and it highlights the clues.

[3:23] No, but I assumed that this was a new thing because it wasn't called, say, Introducing the Oogie Loves.

[3:28] It's not called The Oogie Loves.

[3:30] It's not called The Big Balloon Adventure.

[3:31] It's called The Oogie Loves in The Big Balloon Adventure.

[3:34] So you assume...

[3:35] Your favorite stars, The Oogie Loves, are finally...

[3:37] It's a continuation.

[3:37] They know The Oogie Loves and they are demanding they be in an adventure of some kind.

[3:41] Preferably balloon related.

[3:43] Well, the thing is, is it a big adventure with balloons or is it an adventure involving big balloons?

[3:47] Well, luckily the movie answers that question.

[3:49] The balloons are normal size.

[3:50] I gotta say, before I saw this movie, another exception, the Oogie Loves get in a big hot

[3:55] air balloon and go someplace.

[3:57] Nope.

[3:57] But they do not.

[3:58] Nope, they do not.

[3:59] Not even close.

[4:00] It's about regular helium balloons.

[4:01] No, the closest they get is when they get into that flying sombrero powered by the power

[4:05] of dance that Christopher Lloyd and Jamie Presley own.

[4:09] Of course they had to get in it.

[4:11] That was the only way they could cross the weird field that they couldn't walk, run,

[4:14] or ride their bikes on.

[4:14] Or ride bicycles, because that shitty llama posted those signs.

[4:17] The fucking dick that showed up at the party at the end.

[4:18] Who invited it?

[4:19] Yeah, who invited this llama that was getting in the way of the balloons?

[4:22] Maybe at the end of the day, they might not like him, but they respect him and his adherence to park rules.

[4:26] To the rules, to discipline.

[4:27] Right now, there are listeners across America saying the Flophouse has descended into madness.

[4:32] They are right.

[4:33] They're talking about the merest gibberish.

[4:35] This surely does not make any sense, but I think we need to talk about the plot.

[4:40] Well, the first thing to know is your assumption that the Oogie Loves were a thing that existed and they made a movie out of it was wrong.

[4:47] This is a movie made by some of the people involved with the Americanized version of the Teletubbies.

[4:52] And I assume from putting that show out, they realized the lesson that kids will watch any shit as long as it's brightly colored and has made-up words in it.

[4:59] So let's – hey, let's go through the movie and introduce everybody to The Oogie Loves because nobody saw this film.

[5:06] This is going to be the most concise description of this plot that exists, right?

[5:12] Well, I'll see if I can stretch it out.

[5:14] Okay, so the Oogie Loves, they introduce us by the beginning by just talking to the audience.

[5:17] They are three horrific costumed characters named Gooby, Zuzi, and Toofy.

[5:22] Imagine the Garbage Pail Kids crossed with Barney.

[5:25] Yeah, I think that's a good way to think about it.

[5:26] Now, they each have their particular personality.

[5:30] Gooby is into science.

[5:32] He has glasses.

[5:33] He keeps talking about how things are science-tastic.

[5:36] Science-tastic.

[5:36] Zuzi can speak any language, but her catchphrase is sparklicious, I think.

[5:42] And she's, it's feminine, right?

[5:44] And she's a girl.

[5:45] Yeah, that's what young girls like.

[5:47] Things that are sparkalicious.

[5:48] Things with gratitude that are sparkalicious.

[5:51] And then there's Toofy, the awesome party guy.

[5:54] The steward of the group, yeah.

[5:55] Very much the steward of the group.

[5:56] He's totally the steward.

[5:57] And his thing is that his pants fall down all the time.

[6:00] So also the steward of the group.

[6:01] And he likes to have fun all the time.

[6:03] He comes up and says, I'm Toofy, and I like to have fun any way I can.

[6:07] Or something like that, which is creepy.

[6:09] No holds barred.

[6:12] You're in Toofy's world now.

[6:13] There's no safe word here.

[6:15] Are they in a band?

[6:16] Yes.

[6:17] They are in a band.

[6:17] And they're the Oogie Loves.

[6:19] They never quite explain what an Oogie Love is, but they are them.

[6:22] At the beginning of the movie, they explain so much about the Oogie Loves, except for what Oogie Loves is and why.

[6:29] But they also tell you, the audience, anytime you see, what is it, like a bird flies across?

[6:35] Butterflies.

[6:36] A bunch of butterflies fly across the screen, it means get up and dance with us.

[6:39] And when a bunch of turtles crawl across the screen, it means sit your ass down.

[6:43] Sit down.

[6:44] Sit your ass down.

[6:45] The Oogie Loves are in charge now.

[6:46] Anyway.

[6:47] But no, I think we have to explain, though, that this was supposed to be the big innovation of the Oogie Loves.

[6:53] You would show it in a theater, and it would be interactive.

[6:56] And according to Wikipedia, the creator of the movie was inspired by going to see one of the Madea movies in the theater

[7:03] and noticing that black audiences shouted back at the screen and thought,

[7:06] if only I could harness this racist observation for kids.

[7:09] that's what wikipedia says uh so at those moments kids are supposed to get up sing along dance it's

[7:16] not just a movie it's an interactive experience in that you can do but in the only in the way

[7:20] that every movie is because you could do this during any movie also so do you think we missed

[7:24] out on anything by not watching it in its intended setting we did we did at take turns taking part

[7:32] with the dancing and the singing and i got to admit it didn't make the movie better but it did

[7:36] help drive me to madness quicker i want to say though again again as a childless man perhaps

[7:43] i'm misunderstanding something but it seems to me that uh parents take their kids to the movies

[7:50] to shut them up as a respite from this sort of behavior not to encourage them to be loud and

[7:55] dance around but uh again it's a tucker amount so you can uh get them to bed quicker yeah so

[8:02] that you can have it's faster than sneaking some whiskey in their milkshakes or whatever kids drink

[8:06] Yeah, yogurt.

[8:07] They're singing whiskey in their go-gurt.

[8:10] Just taking a syringe full of whiskey and just injecting it into their go-gurt tube.

[8:14] Yeah.

[8:15] So let's go through the plot, shall we?

[8:18] What there is of it.

[8:18] So the Oogie Loves wake up.

[8:20] That's a big part of it.

[8:22] It takes about 28 minutes.

[8:24] They sing about it, and they're woken up by their friend, Windy the Window,

[8:28] who is a talking window with a face and a southern accent.

[8:31] Like a zombie sort of fellow.

[8:32] Yeah, she's very much a zombie.

[8:34] It's a lady Jambi, but she's a window, and she has none of the verve and joie de vivre and charm that Jambi has.

[8:41] Or the gay camp.

[8:42] And Jambi, let's remember, in real life, director of Twin Sitters.

[8:47] Yeah.

[8:48] So he's a great guy, and we love him.

[8:50] So they realize—

[8:51] Windy the window, there's no reservations.

[8:54] Yeah, she's never worked with the Barbarian Brothers.

[8:56] Shloofy, their friend who's a pillow, who's still asleep, it's his birthday.

[9:03] And they're going to plan a surprise party.

[9:04] This pillow has a birthday.

[9:05] Let's back up.

[9:06] This pillow is having a birthday.

[9:09] So they have to have a party for this pillow.

[9:11] Now, and their friend, J. Edgar, who is a vacuum cleaner.

[9:16] Oh, that makes sense.

[9:17] Get it?

[9:17] J. Edgar Hoover.

[9:18] It's the kind of joke kids shouldn't get because they should have no knowledge of America's crime fighting and civil rights intrusion past.

[9:26] He's coming along to help them create a surprise party for this pillow.

[9:32] And he's sort of an ineffectual buffoon of a vacuum cleaner.

[9:35] Now, he has glasses also, but he's not smart, and I believe he's coded as Jewish because he's very high-strung and nervy, and he fucks up instantly by letting go of the five magic balloons that they were going to give to Shluffy.

[9:47] That's the perfect gift for a pillow.

[9:50] That's the thing.

[9:51] Pillows love balloons.

[9:53] The more magic, the better.

[9:55] I wasn't quite sure what happened.

[9:57] And it seemed that maybe the vacuum cleaner was alarmed by the singing mice that he encountered on the road.

[10:03] There's a peacock.

[10:04] While he was trying to go up some steps.

[10:06] And this is.

[10:07] Already a problem for a vacuum cleaner.

[10:09] And the vacuum cleaner was singing and dancing at the same time, too.

[10:11] So he lets loose of these five golden magic balloons.

[10:15] And they fly to all ends of Lovey Loveville, the place that they live.

[10:18] He comes by.

[10:20] Oh, no, my balloons.

[10:22] We only have two hours or whatever.

[10:24] Or four hours until Shluffy wakes up or something.

[10:26] Shloopy.

[10:27] And so they have to go all over Lovey Loveville to find the magic balloons.

[10:34] 20 minutes later, because they have to put on clothes and then do this weird breakfast song.

[10:39] I forgot about that already, that they have to change their clothes.

[10:42] Although, this is good screenwriting.

[10:45] In Act 1, they lay the seed that Toofy's pants are going to fall down by having him say,

[10:50] Toofy, put on a belt.

[10:51] And he goes, I hate belts.

[10:52] He sounded way more badass.

[10:55] But also-

[10:55] He was like, oh, I hate belts, dude.

[10:58] Meow.

[10:58] Yeah.

[10:59] Now you're getting it.

[11:02] And they also-

[11:03] Lady Oogie Love says, hey.

[11:05] Lady Oogie Love.

[11:06] I don't know her fucking name.

[11:07] Her name is Susie or something.

[11:08] She says, whenever his pants falls down, you have to say this stupid rhyme about-

[11:14] You yell, Goofy Toofy, pull up your pants.

[11:16] Yeah.

[11:17] It's terrible.

[11:18] Foreshadowing an entire day of pants falling down.

[11:22] So, they've got no time to lose to get these balloons.

[11:25] But first, they've got to eat breakfast, which means the vacuum cleaner is going to sing them a long song about pineapple pancakes.

[11:31] And they're just throwing pancakes around.

[11:34] Pancakes are flying.

[11:35] Wendy the window says they're the best pancakes in the world, which doesn't quite make sense.

[11:39] No, how is a window eating pancakes?

[11:40] There's also, it's implied there's some kind of flirtation between the vacuum cleaner and the window, which is weird.

[11:46] Yeah.

[11:47] A vacuum cleaner has a crush on a window in this universe.

[11:51] As Dan said while we were watching it, hold on a second.

[11:53] So that vacuum cleaner wants to fuck that window.

[11:56] But also, I said this too, like I'm mystified by a world in which some inanimate objects are alive, but some aren't.

[12:04] So for some reason, the vacuum cleaner is tooling around and has friends and feelings.

[12:09] It's like Goofy and Odie.

[12:10] I was just going to say, well, Goofy and Pluto, you mean.

[12:12] And Odie from Garfield.

[12:13] Odie is in a different universe, plays by different rules.

[12:15] But how do you decide which inanimate objects are alive?

[12:18] Well, it's just like in Stand By Me.

[12:20] They talk about Goofy and Pluto.

[12:22] They're both dogs, but one of them can talk and wears clothes,

[12:24] and the other is just a dog that is a pet.

[12:26] One step further along the evolutionary trail.

[12:29] I assume that Pluto had a lobotomy.

[12:31] So you're saying at one point there was a mutation in a vacuum cleaner

[12:36] that made it sentient?

[12:38] Yeah, and in a window, yeah.

[12:39] All right, sure.

[12:40] Maybe radiation caused it.

[12:41] I don't know.

[12:42] Okay.

[12:42] Maybe it was bitten by a radioactive human.

[12:48] and it gained the proportionate nervousness and arms of a human uh now they sing a song

[12:55] there are a lot of songs in this movie we just watched the movie literally 10 minutes ago i

[12:59] can't remember a single one no except and i'm gonna try it like it's as one of you guys mentioned

[13:04] during the movie it's like when i make up a song on the top off the top of my head for this show

[13:08] but worse yeah because it'll be like milkshakes making milkshakes moo moo milkshakes having some

[13:15] milkshakes like that's a song they would do in it yeah this is not like say the muppet movie with

[13:20] beautiful songs by paul williams no paul williams was not involved in this this was yeah they no

[13:25] williams has wrote these songs not even venus williams not even billy d williams they tossed

[13:31] 25 cents in a vagrant and like all right now something about pancakes

[13:35] do it do it the pancakes pineapple pancakes upside down pineapple pancakes great great

[13:43] here's some more paint thinner write us a song about us singing a flying sombrero okay so i'll

[13:50] just quickly go through the people they have the trials they have to go through to get these balloons

[13:54] sure herculean tasks the five labors of the oogie loves now hercules tasks were to get over the guilt

[14:01] from murdering his family right so i assume the oogie loves did the same very similar okay that's

[14:06] why they feel so why they have to throw a great party for their pillow friend is that they uh i

[14:10] don't know cut his arms off or something yes the pillow more than anything seems like yeah like

[14:15] someone suffering from some kind of mental trauma or he's like a veteran with who lost his limbs

[14:19] like something really later they're carrying the pillow around at the party and it's really creepy

[14:23] yeah any any creature that number one doesn't talk in a comprehensible way and number two has

[14:29] no limbs he's going to read on screen as someone who's had like maybe a like a terrible car accident

[14:36] A terrible catastrophe has befallen.

[14:37] Because Shloofy sounds like this.

[14:39] It's like if, you know, kind of like Gizmo, but not intelligible in any way.

[14:47] So, okay, here they have to go through these different trials.

[14:50] First, the first golden balloon's on top of a tree.

[14:52] In the tree is a giant tea kettle treehouse.

[14:55] They call it a tree kettle.

[14:56] They meet a girl wearing surprisingly tight clothes for a kid's movie who's obsessed with squares.

[15:01] Meanwhile, her Aunt Dottie is obsessed with dots.

[15:04] Cloris Leachman.

[15:04] Played by Cloris Leachman.

[15:05] academy award and emmy winner chloris leachman uh they sing a song about dots and they dance

[15:10] about dots and then they use a ladder to climb up the tree and get the get the balloon okay great

[15:16] they got one balloon and then we find out that's when we find out that the magic balloons grow

[15:20] faces when you grab them and then do magic shit like float you down float you down or just go

[15:25] hey you can do it whoa and at the end wait there just so we don't forget we should say at the end

[15:30] the balloons demand

[15:32] kisses from the audience.

[15:34] After all the balloons

[15:37] are caught, they start floating away again, and they

[15:38] demand kisses from the audience, and they say,

[15:40] love is the most powerful thing.

[15:42] More kisses!

[15:43] So you're supposed to blow kisses at them.

[15:46] It's super creepy. These balloons are

[15:48] the creepiest thing. But that's jumping ahead.

[15:50] So they've got one balloon. The next one they find

[15:52] out is attached to the...

[15:54] has been caught

[15:56] on a cow at Marvin

[15:58] milkshakes milkshake parlo now marvin milkshakes of course now who would you who would you cast

[16:03] to play a goofy diner like milkshake diner owning hepcat probably christopher lloyd no wrong

[16:11] probably uh carrie elwes no he comes up later probably tony braxton no if you're thinking

[16:17] some sort of tough italian maybe if you're thinking a bronx tale writer star chas palminteri

[16:22] then yes chas palminteri plays marvin milkshake and i'll give you this they're a bunch of like

[16:28] stars and quotes in this movie they give it their all none of them phone in what they're doing yeah

[16:33] they totally give it all the energy they can i mean i think they sized up this movie and they're

[16:37] like the only way this is gonna work it's not is if we totally commit to it and they were wrong

[16:44] but not because of what they did they were wrong because the movie was never going to work yeah

[16:49] but it wasn't their fault now they sing a song about milkshakes they have to win a milkshake

[16:53] drinking contest to get the balloon and it turns out they're fish ruffy who i forgot to mention

[16:58] they bring with them.

[16:58] Yeah, they're wisecracking fish.

[17:00] He's the one who's like,

[17:00] hey, forget about this.

[17:02] Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

[17:03] That kind of stuff.

[17:03] I hate milkshakes.

[17:04] He's the Benjamin J. Grimm

[17:06] of the group, if you will.

[17:07] And he goes,

[17:09] milkshakes?

[17:10] I'd rather drink salt water.

[17:11] Wait, I already do.

[17:13] I'm a fish.

[17:14] A lot of jokes in quotes like that.

[17:16] In a fish bowl?

[17:16] Salt water?

[17:17] Really?

[17:17] Well, he's a salt water fish.

[17:19] In a little fish bowl, though?

[17:20] Don't they have to have

[17:21] a special filtration system?

[17:23] They should.

[17:23] And he's drinking.

[17:24] Look, this is a fish

[17:26] that plays by his own rules.

[17:27] Now, the fish drinks the milkshake, they get it, and Marvin milkshake does a lot of this.

[17:35] He's like, hey, glad you got your balloon back.

[17:37] Ooh!

[17:38] Yeah!

[17:39] Which I want to believe that's what Chaz Palminteri brought to the roles, that he says ooh a lot.

[17:43] And this is a great scene.

[17:45] Let me mention also that the cook who makes the milkshakes at this...

[17:49] Potentially his wife.

[17:50] Potentially his wife is this horrifically realistic cow puppet with rhinestone glasses on.

[17:57] And this is a diner full of extras that are dancing along and looking both happy and a little sad.

[18:03] Oh, this rivals the McDonald's dance scene from Mac and Me for kids who are sadly giving it their all in a crappy dance number.

[18:11] Okay, they got the second balloon.

[18:13] What's up next?

[18:14] Well, by the way, they're finding out where the balloons are located because Windy Window, who can see all because I guess she has like drones everywhere, is showing it to Jay Edgar who then talks to them on walkie-talkies.

[18:27] So the next one is caught on an airplane at the airport, which belongs to Rosalie Rosebud, played by Toni Braxton, who is a singer about to go on a world tour, who also is allergic to roses but loves them, and sings a song about how she has a cough all the time.

[18:41] The things we love kill us in the end, Elliot.

[18:43] It seems to be an instructional song for kids, telling them that when they're sick, they should cough, which is weird, because I feel like that's an involuntary thing that happens when people are sick.

[18:55] get because you were so young but you had to learn that oh really yeah yeah you would just

[19:00] reach into your mouth and pull out hairballs and things you had to learn how to cough my head would

[19:05] inflate from all this not uh it out and it's a nice slow number because at this point the kids

[19:11] are probably all excited they need to chill out yeah they need that slow r&b jam uh and they get

[19:18] the last balloon they float up to the wherever yeah they use a trampoline or something he makes

[19:23] I think one of them, the science guy, makes a trampoline out of her boa.

[19:26] His name is Gooby.

[19:28] Gooby, yeah.

[19:29] He makes a weird trampoline.

[19:30] Yeah, and he jumps up to where the balloon is.

[19:33] Now, you may be confused.

[19:34] Gooby is not a giant imaginary teddy bear.

[19:36] This is not that Gooby.

[19:37] This is the American Gooby.

[19:39] This is a different Gooby.

[19:39] This is not Robbie Coltrane.

[19:40] This is not.

[19:41] That's Earth 616 Gooby.

[19:44] And this is like a What If Gooby.

[19:47] What If Gooby was Noogie Love.

[19:51] Well, they've got three of the balloons.

[19:53] They're almost done, right?

[19:54] Well, looks like they've got to get the most disturbing of the balloons.

[19:58] That's right.

[19:58] It's attached to the top of the truck of Bobbly Wobbly.

[20:01] Or Bobby Wobbly.

[20:03] Thank you.

[20:04] Sorry, played by Cary Elwes.

[20:06] And he's a cowboy who owns a bubble business and also walks with a wobble because he's insane.

[20:12] Apparently the truck, I guess he's shipping bubbles around.

[20:14] I think the bubble business is in the truck.

[20:16] And Cary Elwes, this is...

[20:18] There's a point where a smile becomes a grimace.

[20:21] yeah he has a rictus on his face and it's this is ask if it's possible to commit too much

[20:28] role and the answer is yes yes and it's bobby wobbly's exhibit a it's though it's almost the

[20:32] horror of jim carrey's fire marshal bill character yeah that's true it's that level but it's like

[20:38] he is so much more frightening than like heath ledger is as the joker or like pennywise the

[20:43] clown or dennis hopper as frank booth like there is something so much more frightening about bobby

[20:49] wobbly and you're right it is very fire marshal bill and uh it's like it really cemented carrie

[20:56] always i always thought of him as the poor man's val kilmer but now he's also the poor man jim

[21:00] carrey and there's something about his crazy over the top wobbling smile performance when it's next

[21:06] to the emotionless oogie loves characters yeah we have to say that these are uh these are giant

[21:13] full body suit puppets but they're very plush they're like giant muppets but shitty the mouth

[21:18] barely moves the eyes and the eyes they just look side to side yeah and occasionally occasionally

[21:25] there's a like a slight flutter of their eyelids like the synapses are exploding somewhere deep

[21:30] within their cushiony heads so i mean just imagine the most irritating voices you can imagine

[21:35] paired with the least expression giving faces even more irritating than my voice coming out of them

[21:41] yeah a voice that has been described as douchey on the av club i was described as douchey my voice

[21:48] was described as shitty let's get it straight okay these are my press clippings okay so they

[21:55] dance with bobby wobbly i assume fearing for their lives the entire time and about how great it is to

[22:00] wobble then they convince a bird to fly up and get the balloon for them and there's something

[22:05] kind of eerie uh seeing normal humans interacting with the oogie loves because you're nervous that

[22:11] they might accidentally like these oogie loves that are much larger than a normal human very

[22:15] big especially since they're supposed to be kids i assume that they would might that they're like

[22:18] childlike brains mixed with their larger than human bodies might accidentally crush one of

[22:23] these poor chloris leach men well they're basically lenient of mice and men excuse me

[22:28] they don't know their own strength they might crush somebody or trip because they don't seem

[22:33] that agile no they dance a lot are always falling down dance in quotation marks a lot

[22:40] Oogie Loves is giving me hiccups for some reason.

[22:42] Oogie Loves has destroyed Elliot.

[22:43] He's got hiccups now.

[22:45] Yeah, too much fizzy lifting drink and too much Oogie Loves.

[22:48] Should I take over the thing?

[22:50] No, no, no.

[22:51] There's only one balloon left to go.

[22:52] All right.

[22:52] So hang on, Shloopy.

[22:54] Shloopy, hang on.

[22:56] Meanwhile, Shloopy is threatening to wake up at any moment and then doesn't.

[23:01] Shloopy, comatose Shloopy.

[23:04] Shloopy.

[23:04] Poor Shloopy, yeah.

[23:05] With an F.

[23:06] Why would you name a pillow Shloopy?

[23:08] It makes no sense.

[23:09] This poor, brain-damaged, quadriplegic schloofy is threatened to wake up at any moment and have his birthday ruined.

[23:18] His surprise ruined because he doesn't have five magic talking balloons.

[23:21] Yep.

[23:21] It's like a continuation of Metallica's One.

[23:25] Yep.

[23:26] So they have to get to a windmill to get the last balloon, but a shitty llama won't let them ride their bikes or run on the grass.

[23:36] That sounds crazy when you say it.

[23:37] So it's the only way to get across is to flag down a giant floating sombrero.

[23:42] Of course.

[23:43] Owned by Lola and Lero Sombrero, played by Jamie Presley and Christopher Lloyd.

[23:49] This sounds like a climax.

[23:51] Jamie Presley does almost all the talking, and Christopher Lloyd communicates through his bongo drums.

[23:56] And they dance because that dancing is how the sombrero is powered, and they go and get it.

[24:02] Like, oh no, they get to the windmill, then they have to play a flute to make a tulip grow

[24:07] so they can climb to the top so they can use the fish to finally grab the balloon.

[24:11] So you're making this sound like it's some sort of computer game.

[24:15] Use fish on windmill?

[24:19] Yes, you throw the fish and it gets the balloon from the top of the windmill.

[24:24] They got all the balloons, great.

[24:26] They're riding back, uh-oh, I don't remember why, but the balloons get loose.

[24:30] They float away.

[24:30] The power of kisses brings them back.

[24:32] Of course.

[24:33] And then they go and they present Shloofy with his birthday party.

[24:36] The balloons sing a very creepy song.

[24:40] Very creepy song.

[24:41] And all the characters we've seen through Windy the Window express their birthday wishes to Shloofy.

[24:48] By spraying stuff on him.

[24:50] They spray rose petals or feathers or dots or whatever.

[24:53] All the bullshit they're obsessed with throughout the film.

[24:56] Yeah, this parade of Harvey Comics characters.

[24:59] And now they – and the Oogie Loves sing a song and dance a dance that goes on for, what, like an hour?

[25:05] And the audience is –

[25:08] Multiple times impeaching the audience, imploring them to give – to –

[25:14] Take part.

[25:15] And to agree that this is a great movie.

[25:17] Yeah.

[25:17] And to lose themselves to the magic and the music and the passion and love the movie.

[25:22] Lose yourself in the music, the moment.

[25:23] You own it.

[25:25] You've never let it go.

[25:26] Yeah.

[25:26] Eight Mile, Oogie Loves.

[25:28] Now, the audience is invited to take part in the dance.

[25:30] The audience declines the invitation.

[25:32] And then the movie is over.

[25:36] And we're all poorer for it.

[25:38] We are all 97 minutes.

[25:39] No, it was 87 minutes.

[25:41] Thank you.

[25:41] Poorer for it.

[25:43] So this was a tightly plotted film is what you're saying.

[25:45] What I'm saying is that even at 87 minutes, roughly 95% of it is filler.

[25:52] This movie tears me in a certain way because I feel like if it had worked, it would have been a perfectly fine thing for very young children.

[26:02] Yeah, sure.

[26:03] This would be a great movie for three-year-olds or two-year-olds if it wasn't terrible.

[26:05] Yeah, who need to jump around and scream shit.

[26:08] That's entertainment for them.

[26:11] But it is so insane and so disjointed.

[26:15] Well, and it's so dumb and like, I mean, kid dumb is one thing, like kids can enjoy dumb stuff, but I can see a kid just finding this stupid, you know.

[26:24] I mean, and everything that's in it is so half-assed.

[26:27] I mean, we talked about how they give the characters their things, which is one of them's scientific, one of them's a party animal, and one's a girl, basically.

[26:37] But she can speak any language, including animal tongues.

[26:41] She speaks a lot of animal languages.

[26:43] But none of those things really come into play.

[26:46] She speaks animal all the time.

[26:47] She speaks to that toucan, puffin.

[26:50] A puffin.

[26:50] She speaks to a puffin.

[26:51] She speaks to a cow.

[26:53] She speaks to a llama.

[26:54] That's like a special skill.

[26:55] That's not a personality thing.

[26:56] And the science guy uses science constantly.

[26:59] And the party animal is kind of a goof-off and his pants fall down.

[27:03] Yeah.

[27:03] He's cool but rude.

[27:05] He is very rude and very cool.

[27:08] Just like Raphael.

[27:10] If Raphael and Michelangelo had some kind of a turtle baby.

[27:13] And instead of a turtle, it was an Oogie Love?

[27:15] It'd be him.

[27:16] Do you think that's where the Oogie Loves came from,

[27:18] is they are the inbred children of Ninja Turtles?

[27:20] That's why they're so horrifying?

[27:21] It's only possible.

[27:22] I mean, I do appreciate...

[27:24] Especially when you consider the Ninja Turtles, I'm assuming, are all male?

[27:27] Yes.

[27:28] I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out Donatello was passing.

[27:32] It was actually a woman all this time.

[27:34] I do appreciate a world where all the peoples of the world,

[27:38] Whether they be Oogie Loves or vacuum cleaners or pillows or humans can come together and have a party.

[27:44] And whatever other hand puppets you can find around the workshop.

[27:49] Yeah, because they're all the animals you've seen in the movie.

[27:51] Hey, you want some raccoons with rubber gloves on?

[27:54] We got like 10 of them.

[27:55] Yeah.

[27:55] Here's some mice that are doing something.

[27:57] Now, it is a half-assed movie, though.

[27:59] The songs sound like they were written in about 10 minutes, all of them.

[28:02] There are a lot of crappy effects.

[28:06] There's one part where Dan pointed out while we were watching, they very clearly looped some footage while the Oogie Loves are waiting for something to happen.

[28:12] As if they didn't have enough footage.

[28:14] They didn't have three more seconds of them just standing there.

[28:16] Yeah, they couldn't just be like, all right, we need to run this for another 30 seconds.

[28:21] We just need a shot of the three of you in costume standing in one place.

[28:24] They looped the same 1.5 seconds of them standing around over and over again waiting for this umbrella to land.

[28:32] Let's just say also the choreography is lackluster.

[28:36] This is hardly a Bob Fosse film.

[28:38] I mean, if I didn't know better, I would have assumed that a small troupe who put on this show at nursery schools or whatever that got one or two good receptions were like,

[28:49] Oh my God, this would be great if we could translate this into an hour and 27 minute long feature film.

[28:56] Yeah, it certainly doesn't look like a movie that cost $20 million, which apparently it did.

[29:00] I mean, most of that probably went to who Cariel was.

[29:04] There's no price high enough to get him to play Bobby Wobbly.

[29:08] Was that it?

[29:08] Yeah, it's not Bobbly.

[29:09] Bobbly Wobbly?

[29:10] No, it's Bobby.

[29:11] Bobbly Wobby.

[29:12] Okay, wait.

[29:13] And his toucan character.

[29:16] Puffin.

[29:17] Her name was Penelope.

[29:18] It's not a toucan, though.

[29:20] No, it's not a toucan.

[29:20] So I guess what we're saying is this is a good movie for driving someone crazy.

[29:25] It felt at times like this is a movie that either...

[29:28] And it opens without credits.

[29:31] Yeah, there's nothing.

[29:33] You're just thrown into it.

[29:34] Can you indicate what you're watching?

[29:36] It's like this is a movie that was designed to play to prisoners of war

[29:40] while you're interrogating them, or it's a movie that, like, if I...

[29:44] Certainly the film quality is no indicator

[29:46] that you're sitting down to watch a major motion picture.

[29:48] No, halfway through the movie,

[29:49] if I had suddenly woken up in a hospital bed...

[29:52] It's very well lit.

[29:52] It is very well lit.

[29:53] If I had suddenly...

[29:54] It has the quality I like in my softcore pornography,

[29:58] in that it's well lit.

[29:59] In that you can see everything.

[30:01] If I had halfway through the movie suddenly woken up in a hospital bed with a fractured skull and just blood loss and they were like, you were muttering something about Oogie Wah?

[30:10] I'd be like, yeah, that makes sense.

[30:12] I was muttering Oogie Loves.

[30:14] I was muttering Oogie Loves, but I guess I hallucinated the whole thing.

[30:16] I was muttering Oogie Loves.

[30:18] And by the way, get Hollywood on the phone.

[30:20] Tell them never to make this.

[30:22] I feel like it's rare that you see a movie where you're like, I wish I could travel back in time to stop this from happening.

[30:31] Basically this and Cannibal Holocaust.

[30:32] You would have had to go back to 2009

[30:34] because this movie sat on the shelf for four years

[30:36] because they were trying to patent its shittiness.

[30:39] They're trying to patent the idea of interactivity.

[30:43] And we all know that existed already in that movie

[30:46] that Christopher Lloyd, I think, was also in

[30:49] where you made the decisions over what the main character was going to do.

[30:52] Was it called Mr. Robot or something?

[30:53] Do you guys not remember that?

[30:55] Yeah, you dialed it up.

[30:57] Man, you just bore Dan to tears with your story, dork.

[31:00] There was a movie where you chose which way the story would go.

[31:04] Or a remote or whatever.

[31:05] With a remote, and they advertised it multiple times at movie theaters I went to as a kid,

[31:09] and it never arrived.

[31:10] I'm going to look this up while we're talking.

[31:12] Okay.

[31:13] Because people realize that they don't want to choose your own adventure movie.

[31:17] No, they want a movie that tells them a story, and they can forget about their life.

[31:21] I think that because we are talking about a-

[31:25] I think it was called Mr. Payback.

[31:26] I'm going to look it up.

[31:27] We're talking-

[31:27] That sounds right.

[31:28] because we were talking about a movie for very small children there's not actually a lot of

[31:33] depth we can get into i think we should move on good good movie let's go on i think it's a hard

[31:40] movie to describe and go over when you're not watching it with us yeah because it's so stupid

[31:45] everything that happens is arbitrary yeah uh is this a good bad movie a bad bad movie or movie

[31:50] kind of like stewart what do you have to say for yourself my review is based on whether or not i

[31:55] think any human beings uh that are i mean maybe a little kid would like it but i would say it's a

[32:01] bad bad movie for anybody but the littlest of children you yeah if you are of an age when you

[32:08] can operate under your own body parts i guess then this movie is too young is too young for you

[32:13] yeah i would say this is a bad bad movie with the caveat that if you were if you were drunk or

[32:20] stoned this is probably exactly what you want to watch yeah if you're stoned you might really

[32:25] enjoy this i think if you are stoned or one years old you would like this otherwise it

[32:30] will be excruciating put it on the put it on the vhs tape not an evd put it out in vhs if you're

[32:38] stoned or one this is the movie or a stoned one-year-old if you are high and you and your

[32:44] one-year-old want to bond put on the oogie loves movie you can dance and sing to your heart's

[32:47] content and yes the movie i was thinking of was called mr payback well there you go starring

[32:52] christoph lloyd so do we all agree bad bad movie or stewart i know when you lay down in despair

[32:59] during the movie on the floor that's because you liked it right face down face down on the floor

[33:04] never have i seen facing away from the screen might i add it was it was not just that the

[33:10] movie was bad that it but it was telling me i had to do things yeah it's one thing to let a bad movie

[33:16] I'm not going to throw you my kisses.

[33:17] You have not earned that movie.

[33:19] So before we get into other plugs,

[33:25] I'd like to quickly plug something on behalf of two out of three of the Flophouse wives.

[33:29] This podcast will actually be going up one day probably in front of the Oscars,

[33:37] so you don't have a lot of time to take advantage of this.

[33:39] But my wife, Sarah.

[33:44] Last name withheld.

[33:45] This is a screening of the movie Oscar with Sylvester Stallone.

[33:48] Close.

[33:49] And Kirk Douglas.

[33:50] She's organizing an Oscar pool to help fund, number one, cancer research.

[33:59] But number two, her taking part in a triathlon where the funding goes to cancer research.

[34:05] It costs $20 to enter this Oscar pool.

[34:09] Details on submitting patent ballots will be on the Flophouse webpage.

[34:15] But basically, why can't I get the email address?

[34:20] All right, there's an email address.

[34:21] It's at the Flophouse.

[34:26] Just go to the Flophouse podcast at theflophousepodcast.com.

[34:30] You'll text everybody the details later.

[34:33] Are you making this up as you go along?

[34:35] Just go to oogieloves at oscarballot.edu.gov.

[34:40] For some reason, it's not in my email.

[34:44] I sent it to myself.

[34:44] It's not in my email.

[34:45] Go to the Flophouse podcast web page, which is the Flophouse podcast.

[34:49] This is the biggest twist I've ever seen on the Flophouse.

[34:51] The Flophouse.

[34:53] The mystery of the missing email.

[34:55] Everyone's a suspect.

[34:57] I think it was Lulu the cat.

[34:59] Jesus Christ, guys.

[35:01] Come on.

[35:01] I'm trying to do this thing, and you're actually –

[35:05] We're ruining it.

[35:06] Hold on.

[35:07] It's OscarPoolTNT at gmail.com.

[35:13] TNT at gmail.com.

[35:15] The TNT does not stand for the network.

[35:17] It stands for Team and Training,

[35:19] which is the group that Sarah's doing the triathlon with.

[35:24] It's dynamite.

[35:26] I will put up a link to the ballots on the Flophouse page,

[35:33] and the winner will get a cash prize

[35:36] to be announced at a viewing party at Charlene's Bar in Brooklyn.

[35:39] And what else is going on in that party at Charlene's Bar?

[35:41] On Sunday.

[35:43] I mean, I'm going to be there drinking probably.

[35:44] No, it's like there's a holiday.

[35:47] No, that's the day before.

[35:49] Jesus Christ.

[35:50] I'm trying to get through a whole thing, and you guys are slowing me down.

[35:54] A movie podcast.

[35:55] Here are the bullet points.

[35:57] Oscar pool.

[35:58] Charlene's bar.

[36:00] Brooklyn.

[36:01] Sunday, 2-24.

[36:03] $20 to enter.

[36:06] There will be a link on the Flophouse page for the ballot.

[36:09] You don't need to be in New York City to enter.

[36:12] This helps my wife reach her fundraising goals

[36:15] to participate in a triathlon with team and training

[36:17] and helps Stuart's wife make money

[36:19] to feed the Flophouse house cat.

[36:21] All proceeds go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

[36:23] Feed him booze.

[36:24] And you know that Gus from Don't Tell It to Me

[36:26] Don't Tell It to Me was a survivor of Hodgkin's disease

[36:29] so they could be saving a Lobo Meringue

[36:32] by donating money to team and training.

[36:34] And now that we're done with that...

[36:36] If you had it all written down,

[36:37] why didn't you just read it off?

[36:38] Classic.

[36:38] I was trying to.

[36:39] You kept fucking interrupting me

[36:41] With unrelated things

[36:43] Like the Purim party

[36:44] Which is the day before

[36:46] And the day that we're releasing this podcast

[36:47] So people probably won't be able to get a costume put together

[36:50] They gotta rush out

[36:51] That was a fucking mess

[36:54] What a tragedy

[36:55] Now what do we do

[36:58] Should we plug our network

[37:00] Yeah I think we should

[37:01] Dan

[37:03] I've got a few all things comedy plugs

[37:06] Ari Shafir's comedy special

[37:08] Passive Aggressive

[37:09] is available at

[37:11] chill.com slash Ari Shafir

[37:13] for $5

[37:15] under the self-distributed model

[37:17] that is so popular among comedians these days.

[37:19] And you got The Bitter Buddha,

[37:23] a film starring

[37:25] Eddie Pepitone. It's coming to theaters

[37:27] and video on demand on February 19th.

[37:29] Featuring many of

[37:31] Eddie Pepitone's friends like Patton Oswalt,

[37:33] Sarah Silverman, and Zach Galifianakis.

[37:35] You can find the trailer

[37:37] for the Bitter Buddha on YouTube.

[37:39] So those are a few plugs

[37:41] on behalf of our friends over at AllBetsNow.

[37:42] It's on video on demand, so you can just watch it at home.

[37:44] Yep. You don't even have to get dressed up nice.

[37:47] Yeah.

[37:48] You don't have to put on a tuxedo like you normally would.

[37:51] Or a tuxedo, as Stuart often does.

[37:53] Yeah.

[37:54] Well, the fuck not.

[37:57] So, now what do we do? He's in his own home.

[37:59] What happens next, Dan?

[38:01] We interrupt you some more? Do we have to watch

[38:03] The Who He Loves Again?

[38:03] Because I'd say no. I think it's time for us to go

[38:07] on a big balloon adventure to letters this is uh where we talk uh about letters that we received

[38:13] the flop house movie mailbag if you will letter time at the flop house letter time with all of us

[38:20] it's your friends stewart elliot and dan not real friends of yours you just listen to us talk about

[38:26] movies pretend we're your friends whatever it doesn't matter but we're great guys except when

[38:33] we belittle you the listener which was right now it's one of the three different ways it's really

[38:38] one of the three different ways our fans can uh and let us know how they feel about our show one

[38:42] is on our facebook page one is with letters and one is just complaining about us or other bad

[38:47] movie podcasts on the onion av clubs uh comments so if you've heard about that there's three ways

[38:51] to get in touch with us one facebook page that's where you go if it's a positive comment two letters

[38:56] that can go either way and three av club comment section that's if you hate us so uh letter time

[39:02] It's the letters for you, and for you, and for you, and for you, and for you, and for you, and for you.

[39:07] I think he's stuck.

[39:08] Letters, Oogie Loves Edition.

[39:11] This letter's titled, Seriously Bros, Let's Get Serious.

[39:14] It's from a gentleman called Butt McFarterson.

[39:18] I think that's probably...

[39:19] Hard to get serious when that's the guy you're getting the letter from.

[39:22] Hey, dooders, I'm a big fan of your podcast.

[39:25] It's funny and shit.

[39:26] Dan McCoy is a pretty cool pervasoid who loves boobs, which is rad.

[39:30] And Stuart is a kick-ass party animal.

[39:32] I've got a real question for you guys.

[39:36] So nothing for me.

[39:37] No description for me.

[39:38] You're a dweeb.

[39:40] I've got a real question for you guys.

[39:42] What's up with Elliot?

[39:42] Uh-oh.

[39:43] He tells hundreds of terrible jokes all the time.

[39:45] He's a riffer.

[39:46] It works well once an episode,

[39:48] but how do you guys keep him sneaking into the locker room during classes,

[39:51] breaking into his locker and snapping his glasses?

[39:53] You know we're not kids, right?

[39:55] Is it because he got you all jobs?

[39:57] Is it because he broke both his legs climbing a mountain?

[40:01] Does he have imminent death syndrome?

[40:03] Does he always buy the Popeyes?

[40:04] Because if I have to hear him bash Dan's terrible joke-telling abilities

[40:07] before immediately spinning around and telling terrible jokes one more time,

[40:11] I will lose my shit violently in my pants.

[40:14] Wow.

[40:16] I mean, it's hard for me to...

[40:18] It sounds like his ancestor's job was losing their shit in their pants.

[40:22] Yes.

[40:22] Son of Parker.

[40:25] I mean, right now the stakes are very low for me to stop making fun of Dan telling jokes since all that's going to happen is Butt McFarterson is going to poop in his own pants.

[40:33] So I think I'm just going to keep going until you give me a better offer.

[40:36] Do not appreciate how I'm criticized in that email.

[40:42] At least attack my songs.

[40:45] I know they're not very good.

[40:46] It's a technique called negging.

[40:49] You use one pick of a girl.

[40:51] Oh, now I'm really interested in it.

[40:53] Yeah, maybe he's just trying to draw your attention.

[40:55] Consider it a time to learn more about this McFarterson fellow.

[40:58] Next email is titled Secret Alliance.

[41:02] It's from Matt, last name withheld.

[41:04] Matt Kerman.

[41:05] Dear Elliot, Dan, and Stuart,

[41:08] two of you have secretly been in an alliance to remove the third from the podcast.

[41:12] Please synchronously reveal to the third that he has been voted off the podcast.

[41:17] So that's from Matt.

[41:19] Stuart.

[41:20] It seems pretty clear.

[41:22] I mean, we don't bring anyone else.

[41:23] I mean, we're in cahoots with Owl Magical, right?

[41:27] Yeah, Owl Magical.

[41:28] Yeah, he's going to take over my spot.

[41:29] And ring his new character, the House Owl.

[41:31] Woo-hoo!

[41:31] Yeah, I got some other irons in the fire.

[41:34] I got some TV I want to catch up on.

[41:36] It's going on on Good Wife.

[41:39] It's just Owl has what we call star quality.

[41:42] Yeah.

[41:42] Wow, wow.

[41:43] No, he brings name value.

[41:45] Star quality.

[41:46] That's what it's called, right?

[41:48] SQ, yeah.

[41:49] Well, Stuart, this isn't the way we want you to find out.

[41:52] Is this my last one?

[41:53] this is unfortunately uh this is time for your review let's take a look at how you've been doing

[41:58] so far this year could have told me before we watch you he loves so let's take a look on a

[42:03] scale from 1 to 10 how would you rate yourself in the area of movie riffing probably a 2 no i think

[42:09] you get at least a 3 okay okay now in the area of recommending the same movies over and over again

[42:14] 1 to 10 i'd probably only say a 1 i don't do that very often 10 plus okay now boob appreciation from

[42:22] 1 to 10. I'd probably say a negative

[42:24] 4. Actually, a negative 7.

[42:25] Oh, wow. You are gay, it turns out.

[42:28] Okay, well,

[42:29] you guys want to go on a date?

[42:31] Sure. Well, you're back in the group.

[42:33] That's all we wanted.

[42:34] We're both

[42:37] simultaneously super accepting

[42:39] of our homosexual

[42:42] date with Stuart and super accepting of

[42:44] polyamory, apparently.

[42:45] Hey, look, it's the 21st century. Time to get with it.

[42:48] We're all going to be married in space someday.

[42:49] It's like an Alan Moore comic book.

[42:51] Let's go.

[42:52] Here's your space ring.

[42:54] Yep, we're just like Alan Quatermain and Mina Marie and Orlando having a three-part relationship.

[43:00] Just like the original authors intended.

[43:01] Maybe Virginia Woolf intended.

[43:07] This is titled Metal Up Your Ass.

[43:11] Hey, oh, the original title of the first Metallica album.

[43:13] It's from Eric Lastname Withheld.

[43:15] He says, Dear Floppers, I just listened to the Rock of Ages podcast

[43:18] and enjoyed hearing Elliot's two references

[43:21] to the 80s output of Metallica,

[43:22] along with his desire to have heard

[43:25] Motorhead's classic Ace of Spades

[43:27] sung by the stars of Hollywood.

[43:29] No, I didn't want them to sing it.

[43:30] I wanted Motorhead, I wanted Lemmy to sing it.

[43:32] He's a star of Hollywood. Continue.

[43:33] I'll allow it.

[43:36] Before, I thought Elliot was an annoying noid

[43:39] all of the high-pitched voice.

[43:41] So did you cultivate just a selection

[43:44] of Elliot bashing letters?

[43:45] He's been slowly working on this one.

[43:47] But now, after seeing his closet metalhead come out,

[43:50] I feel I have an honest kinship with him.

[43:52] Oh, thank you.

[43:53] What are, in order, Elliot's five favorite metal albums from the 80s?

[43:57] You can count 1990 as part of the decade

[43:59] if you want to squeeze either Megadeth's High Point,

[44:01] for me at least, Rust in Peace,

[44:03] or Slayer's Seasons of the Abyss onto your list.

[44:05] Sincerely, Eric's last name with help.

[44:07] Well, Eric, that's an interesting question.

[44:09] Not having any off the top of my head,

[44:11] I'll just say off the top of my head,

[44:13] well, you've got to have Kill Em All by Metallica,

[44:15] then you've got to have Ride the Lightning by Metallica,

[44:17] I think maybe Power Slave by Iron Maiden.

[44:22] I think that might be 90s, dude.

[44:23] No, that's 80s, I think.

[44:25] Although I do remember my mom playing Rime of the Ancient Mariner for me.

[44:30] And you were just a wee lad.

[44:32] Yep.

[44:33] And let's say the 80s songs that are on Megadeth's Greatest Hits album

[44:38] with some of their 90s songs sprinkled in there.

[44:41] Sure, and probably, and you're missing Bathory's

[44:43] Under the Sign of the Black Mark, of course.

[44:45] And, of course, since we've said 80s, it outlaws one of my other favorites, which is Judas Priest's live album, Unleashed in the East.

[44:51] Okay, so we've got a bunch.

[44:52] That was the Flophouse Metal Corner.

[44:55] Flophouse Metal Mail Bay.

[44:57] Thanks, Eric, for any other metal questions for me or Stuart.

[45:01] Just write in.

[45:02] Dan will answer questions about 80s pop hits.

[45:04] I mean, I've got, you know, I can...

[45:07] He's got a little bit of an edge.

[45:08] Come on.

[45:08] I can do punk and post-punk music.

[45:10] There you go, yeah.

[45:11] Just on Metal Guy.

[45:13] Metal Guy was the name of a superhero that we briefly tried to pitch.

[45:16] It was when Superman was dead for a while.

[45:20] So we needed a guy who was kind of cool, but not as cool.

[45:23] So we called him Metal Guy.

[45:24] Metal Guy.

[45:25] And they stole the idea and made it Steel.

[45:26] We did pitch the idea of Shaquille O'Neal being his true identity.

[45:30] Not the actor playing him, but actually he is Shaquille O'Neal, the basketball player.

[45:34] Yeah, he was much more successful in real life than he was as a superhero.

[45:39] This next email is titled, Ding Dong Gate Revisited.

[45:44] We have to reopen that chapter of the flop history.

[45:48] New evidence comes to light, I'm sure.

[45:50] Let's see.

[45:51] So the theme of this is bashing Elliot, so how are they going to pin Ding Dong Gate on me?

[45:54] Okay, this email is from Jerry T. Robot.

[45:57] I assume the T stands for the.

[45:58] It has to.

[45:59] Or Thaddeus.

[46:01] He says, Hi, floppers.

[46:02] I just re-listened to your Passion Play podcast,

[46:06] and I wanted to weigh in on the raging controversy

[46:08] that is Ding Dong Gate.

[46:09] Stewart's right.

[46:10] Everybody else is dumb.

[46:11] First, while it is true that Giorgio

[46:14] totally bites off a prostitute's tit,

[46:16] he also blights off a police officer's eye and cheek,

[46:20] literally eats that prostitute out to death,

[46:23] and possibly also eats the skin of a cat.

[46:26] Second, contrary to Dan's recollection,

[46:29] Giorgio's penis is fully attached to his body

[46:32] throughout the film.

[46:33] I don't think that's true.

[46:34] We're going to have to go frame by frame, people.

[46:36] Frame by frame.

[46:37] Although it is admittedly disfigured.

[46:39] I'm surprised such an observation escaped.

[46:42] Almost freakish.

[46:42] I'm surprised such an observation escaped.

[46:45] Almost castle-y.

[46:46] Escaped Dan's renowned purve-view.

[46:49] Well, look, I, you know.

[46:51] Hilarious.

[46:51] It's a heterosexual purve-view, but thank you.

[46:53] Dan, sexuality is on a scale.

[46:56] It's very fluid.

[46:57] And yours is extremely fluid.

[46:59] Yeah, it's like something out of a Clive Barker novel, am I right?

[47:02] Yeah, exactly.

[47:03] Boom.

[47:03] High five.

[47:04] Go-gurt.

[47:04] and third prior to georgio's romantic interlude with sylvana the aforementioned prostitute he

[47:11] rips off his own thumb in order to free himself from his shackles this is where i think the initial

[47:16] confusion began oh so many years ago because georgio's body is so gross that his discarded

[47:21] thumb kind of looks like a little ding-dong having hopefully shed some light on this controversy

[47:26] i'd like to address a larger thematic concern the way your podcast generally treats castle freak

[47:30] the flop house treats cf as if it's some kind of horror movie quite the contrary castle freak

[47:37] is a musical it's a heartwarming coming of age story of a blind girl the castle freak she loved

[47:43] and the society that refused to accept their unconventional relationship in the end the

[47:48] titular freak and the father of our heroine lay dead next to each other it becomes clear that

[47:53] it becomes clear to all that the only freak in the movie is society's rigid understanding of class

[47:59] And gender roles

[47:59] Yeah it's a real Johnny Belinda remake

[48:01] A timeless call for tolerance

[48:03] Keep up the great work

[48:04] Best podcast around

[48:06] Jerry T. Robot

[48:07] And the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature

[48:09] Goes to Castle Freak

[48:10] Sweet

[48:12] I mean the original title was

[48:13] Children of a Lesser God 2 Castle Freak

[48:15] To the Castle Freak?

[48:18] Oh man

[48:19] So Stuart what do you have to say to that?

[48:20] Well you know I think I'm right still

[48:23] But I've been wrong in the past

[48:25] Flophouse listeners

[48:26] If anyone knows Stuart Gordon

[48:28] Get him to weigh in on this issue.

[48:29] Have him come over to Dan's house.

[48:31] I will provide the beer.

[48:33] Elliot will provide the chicken.

[48:35] And Dan will provide, I guess, a couch.

[48:38] Yeah, a couch or two.

[48:39] So, Stuart Gordon.

[48:42] Stuart Gordon, weigh in on Ding Dong Gate, which is apparently back again.

[48:45] Yeah, I never left, man.

[48:48] This is probably our most organized podcast we've ever done.

[48:53] Yeah, the Oogie Loves has a way of doing that.

[48:55] It's like a neutron bomb being shot into your brain.

[48:58] um and oogie loves uh was the least successful film in history right well least worst opening

[49:06] for a movie appearing on 2 000 screens or more so at top it beat delgo beat delgo former flop

[49:13] house fave delgo uh and it won it according to wikipedia at least the amount that it made was

[49:19] roughly equal to 47 per theater uh that weekend and does that include popcorn sales i have to

[49:26] assume it's just ticket sales uh i assume it's not pop i assume no about nacho sales i assume

[49:31] no popcorn was sold because one you're gonna be getting up and dancing the popcorn's be flying

[49:36] out of the box sure we're choking you uh two who's gonna do the popcorn trick in an oogie

[49:41] loves screening that's disgusting and three i don't know uh but but the numbers come out too

[49:49] is that average number of people per screening of oogie oogie loves was about 1.8 or something

[49:55] like that less than 2.8 like a kid or i think they're just averaging out okay well the final

[50:00] email so if you saw who he loves in the theater it's very likely you were the only person in the

[50:04] theater or you had one other person with you and you should count yourself kind of lucky like you

[50:09] are part of an elite group yeah it's the way i felt as it was intended when i felt there's a

[50:13] japanese oh no sorry not japanese there's a chinese movie called devils on the doorstep

[50:17] that i saw when it ran at film forum for like a cup a week or two a couple weeks and they it was

[50:22] an av club article about it where they mentioned that on its american release it made sixteen

[50:26] thousand dollars and it made me feel really special that i was part of this tiny group that

[50:30] saw this movie like a kickstarter yeah basically it was like we were the kickstarter for the

[50:34] american you know translation of this uh of this movie but anyway uh i realized by watching the

[50:40] movie the three of us with a cat in one room this might be the largest audience that the

[50:44] movie ever played to largest single group all right well let's close out the mailbag with this

[50:50] last email. Closing up the mailbag.

[50:52] Sip it tight

[50:55] to let those letters out.

[50:56] Letters wanna jump and scream and

[50:58] shout, but zip up the mailbag.

[51:00] Keep them in. Suffocate

[51:02] them. Makes it easier

[51:04] to bury them.

[51:05] Mailbag murder.

[51:08] Murder those letters in the mailbag.

[51:10] The mailbag murders.

[51:12] Starring Carrie Elwes. Sounds like a case

[51:14] for jazz.

[51:15] Sorry,

[51:18] Carrie Elwes as the mail.

[51:20] As the mail jazzes on the case.

[51:23] His final email is titled...

[51:24] After he bought that magical saxophone off that gypsy.

[51:26] His final email, that we may not have time for anymore, is titled,

[51:31] Why I'm Never Listening to Stuart Again.

[51:33] Yeah, we probably don't have time for this.

[51:35] No, I think we need to find out if this is a Ding Dong related.

[51:38] It's from Ryan, last name withheld.

[51:40] He writes,

[51:41] I was recently visiting my parents and decided to peruse through the on-demand section of their cable provider.

[51:47] I stumbled upon one section with a completely nondescript title I've already forgotten.

[51:52] It contained a possibly endless list of films.

[51:55] I was in the low 1000s by the time I hit movies beginning with the letter H.

[52:01] And as far as I could tell, it was a compendium of seen-by-nobody B-movies from the 80s and 90s,

[52:10] with an odd sprinkling of significantly more well-received films, such as Capote and Field of Dreams.

[52:15] What caught my eye, though, was a certain film called Head of the Family, Unrated Edition.

[52:21] I don't think I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through such a horrendous plotting disaster that left me more confused than terrified.

[52:30] I don't know what is different in the unrated version, but I suspect it has something to do with the endless deluge of Jacqueline Lavelle nude scenes.

[52:42] I dread the day when I am startled by the sudden appearance of Invisible Maniac or Castle Freak in my life.

[52:48] Regards, Ryan.

[52:50] This is, I think, the first complaint we've had off of a recommendation.

[52:54] Well, um...

[52:55] Stuart, your rebuttal?

[52:56] Uh, well, I guess I've earned that.

[52:59] I have to say, if someone's complaining about endless Jacqueline Lavelle nude scenes, I don't know what's wrong.

[53:05] Yeah, then there's nothing we can do to help you.

[53:07] You want something else than we can offer.

[53:11] Head of the Family is a totally stupid movie.

[53:14] So you're saying it's not totally scarifying.

[53:18] Or snorifying.

[53:19] Unless you're totally spookified by a giant melon-headed telepathic, I guess, enemy.

[53:29] Like MODOK.

[53:30] Yeah, he's basically a MODOK.

[53:32] He's basically a cut-rate MODOK.

[53:34] Head of the Family is for someone who enjoys the idea that there's a giant head.

[53:39] Of the family.

[53:41] Who is the head of the family.

[53:42] And if you mess with the head, you're dead.

[53:44] I mean, the fucking box tells a whole lot.

[53:47] That's what it says on the poster.

[53:49] Yeah, mess with the head and you're dead.

[53:51] And Jacqueline Lavelle takes her clothes off.

[53:53] Come on, guys.

[53:54] I know of you guys.

[53:56] This movie has it all.

[53:57] When you're visiting your parents, you sometimes want to be taken to a different world.

[54:02] In this case, you want to be taken to a world where there's a head.

[54:05] And if you mess with said head, what happens to you?

[54:09] You'll end up being dead.

[54:10] I don't know what you're asking for.

[54:13] Yeah, the titular head.

[54:14] When our listeners are considering one of our recommendations to watch,

[54:19] if you want to feel smarter, more enriched by the experience,

[54:25] you go with maybe an Elliot recommendation.

[54:26] Yeah, come on, a life of a horror.

[54:27] Put on your fucking black and white movie-watching glasses and watch one Elliot.

[54:31] She's just glasses if you need them.

[54:32] When you're on a plane, you watch one of fucking Dan's.

[54:35] And when you're probably pretty drunk

[54:38] and you're annoyed that you're staying with your parents

[54:40] and you're in the basement, you watch one of Stewart's.

[54:43] I think it's pretty fucking clear.

[54:45] I think that is clear.

[54:45] I think you made a great point.

[54:46] You fucking bake up some pizza rolls.

[54:48] Squirt some Go-Gurt on your pizza rolls.

[54:52] You just have your face.

[54:54] Yeah.

[54:54] Have a snack.

[54:55] It's like a one-man party.

[55:00] And you see an invisible head rip his ding-dong off.

[55:03] Yeah.

[55:05] Fair enough.

[55:07] That leads us to movie recommendations.

[55:09] And tonight, I'm going to recommend Head of the Invisible Freak.

[55:16] Okay?

[55:17] Why have a castle when you're a maniac?

[55:20] Am I right?

[55:21] That's a pretty good title for a movie, though, by the way.

[55:24] The Head of the Invisible Freak.

[55:24] I want to believe that you created that movie just by editing the other three movies together.

[55:29] The same way a friend of mine years ago told me about how he edited all three RoboCop movies into one movie.

[55:35] And I thought that he had, like, intercut the scenes.

[55:38] But all he did was he stopped the movies before the credits and then put up a title that said, three years later.

[55:44] Genius.

[55:46] Genius fucking editing job.

[55:49] It's only one movie.

[55:52] So RoboCop ends, fade out.

[55:54] Three years later, RoboCop 2 starts.

[55:56] Good work, Vera Fields.

[55:59] Oh, man.

[56:00] So you're recommending what now?

[56:02] Oh, I don't know.

[56:03] Oogie Loves?

[56:04] You go.

[56:04] It's your turn.

[56:05] Wait, hold on.

[56:06] I was going to pass it off.

[56:08] I don't really have one this week.

[56:09] Okay.

[56:09] You have one.

[56:10] I mean, I would recommend, so watching Oogie Loves, it reminds me of movies with puppets

[56:18] that I really like, so I'd recommend Meet the Feebles probably again.

[56:22] Now, what's the age group for that?

[56:24] Meet the Feebles?

[56:24] Yeah, probably four or five-year-olds.

[56:26] Meet the Feebles.

[56:28] I would say I recommend ages 18 to 24.

[56:32] And high.

[56:34] It's a strange movie where the recommended age is high.

[56:36] Peter Jackson's puppet-based horror show.

[56:41] Yeah.

[56:42] So meet the Feebles.

[56:43] That's a pretty good recommendation.

[56:43] Yeah, sure.

[56:44] I would like to recommend two movies.

[56:47] As I was saying to Elliot on the train,

[56:49] they represent the entire spectrum of film going.

[56:52] On one side of the spectrum,

[56:54] I would like to recommend Santa Sangre,

[56:58] By Alejandro Jodorowsky.

[57:00] I fucking hate that guy.

[57:01] Jodorowsky.

[57:02] The guy who did The Holy Mountain and El Topo.

[57:05] What an asshole.

[57:06] Almost directed Dune, but it didn't get off the ground.

[57:09] So, Stewart objects, and we'll get into that in a second.

[57:12] I don't object with his movies.

[57:13] He's just an asshole.

[57:14] Is he?

[57:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[57:16] Personally?

[57:16] Yeah, I'd read some interviews with him.

[57:18] You'll be shocked.

[57:18] It's Vincent Gallo times ten.

[57:21] Whoa.

[57:21] So, I would recommend that movie on the one side of the film-going spectrum.

[57:26] And the other side, I recommend Pitch Perfect, the K-canon written movie about acapella singers starring, what's her face from up in the air?

[57:38] Abigail Anna Kendrick.

[57:39] Anna Kendrick.

[57:40] Abigail Kendrick.

[57:42] Abigail Anna Kendrick.

[57:44] So if you want sort of a cross between an Almodovar movie and a David Lynch film that's kind of a weird circus-themed horror film.

[57:56] Pitch perfect it is.

[57:57] Then watch Satya Sangri.

[58:00] And if you want a goofy, light, acapella comedy starring a lot of cute ladies that doesn't necessarily add up to any sort of plot that makes sense but is a pleasant viewing experience, watch Pitch Perfect.

[58:14] So that's, if you want to know what it's like to be in Dan McCoy's head all the time, watch a double feature of Santa Sangre and Pitch Perfect all the time.

[58:22] Who's winning? Who knows?

[58:26] We all know whoever wins, we lose.

[58:30] that's on the poster

[58:32] for Dan's head

[58:33] for Dan's head

[58:35] the movie

[58:36] Dan's head of the family

[58:36] Dan's head of the

[58:37] invisible Dan's head

[58:38] of the family castle

[58:39] I will recommend

[58:41] a movie then

[58:42] because it's my turn

[58:43] to do that

[58:43] sure

[58:44] I'm going to recommend

[58:46] a movie

[58:47] I don't think

[58:48] I recommended before

[58:49] it's a

[58:51] Milos Forman movie

[58:52] called

[58:53] Taking Off

[58:53] this is a movie

[58:55] that he made

[58:56] it may have been

[58:57] his first American movie

[58:58] now that I think about it

[58:59] actually

[58:59] He made in the early 70s about two parents, Buck Henry is the dad and I don't remember who plays the mom, whose – their daughter runs off and they try to find her.

[59:12] But really what they're doing is kind of bumping up against their own inability to be stable adults and kind of to be parents who understand their kid and the way they kind of reach the limits of their own – what's it called?

[59:29] social order i don't know how to put it it's a it's a very funny movie i'm describing in a way

[59:32] that's not funny and it's intercut with scenes from what i guess is supposed to be like an open

[59:37] mic audition for a number of various young people singing different songs and among one of them is

[59:44] a very young kathy bates who sings a song i guess she wrote because she's credited with it uh that's

[59:49] a bizarre folk song that involves winged horses uh but it's a very funny movie and a very touching

[59:54] movie and it's a movie that kind of gets across better than other movies i've seen what that

[1:00:00] generation gap must have been like between the baby boomer generation and their parents but from

[1:00:05] the point of view of the parents at a time when the audience's sympathies were pretty much always

[1:00:09] with the kids uh and it's a really good movie now this movie uh is out of print on video and it's

[1:00:16] never been released on dvd we can't see it no wrong because and i normally wouldn't recommend

[1:00:21] it this way but the whole movie is up on youtube in one video so if you do a youtube search for

[1:00:25] taking off 1971 the entire movie is in one video in pretty good quality actually video wise uh

[1:00:32] and that's how i watched it because it's hard to see otherwise unless it's playing in a repertory

[1:00:36] theater near you and a revival theater but it's really good and it's a very like touching movie

[1:00:42] that's also funny and feels the closest i can think of of like a czech new wave movie made in

[1:00:48] the united states and if it's on youtube you can just watch it at work or something right yeah

[1:00:52] yeah just watch it at work on a phone and then when you're done watch that video those kids who

[1:00:56] just watched the odd life of timothy green freaking out because that's hilarious i mean

[1:01:00] you can watch that cat that plays the keyboard sad about timothy green you can watch any video

[1:01:05] you want it's youtube but first i'd say watch this one and one of the things i like about it

[1:01:09] that i'll mention is there are a lot of people in it who do not have what you would think of as movie

[1:01:13] faces they have like regular real life faces and it's a thing that movies used to have a lot more

[1:01:19] of and now you almost never see it anyone in a movie is either super beautiful or ridiculously

[1:01:26] goofy and there's no in between there's no like normal looking people anymore so you can get your

[1:01:31] fill off of normal looking people in this movie you guys i just want to point out something that

[1:01:35] i noticed on the theme of making fun of elliot which appears to be the mailbag theme of this

[1:01:40] episode, I've noticed that

[1:01:42] when I'm making a movie recommendation

[1:01:44] it's almost impossible for me to get

[1:01:46] through it due to the

[1:01:48] interruptions. When Stuart's making a movie

[1:01:50] recommendation, there's still a fair number of

[1:01:52] interruptions. When Elliot talks about a movie

[1:01:54] somehow we both fall silent

[1:01:57] out of respect. I think we

[1:01:58] found the missing link between

[1:02:00] what's causing that and it's me.

[1:02:02] It's the guy who can't stop talking.

[1:02:04] Yeah, you can't interrupt yourself. Come on, I could try.

[1:02:07] Yeah.

[1:02:08] I think that's a challenge.

[1:02:09] That's the challenge I'll pick up next time, if I remember, which I won't.

[1:02:12] Let's see if Elliot can interrupt himself.

[1:02:13] If there is a next time, because I think Oogie Loves broke us.

[1:02:16] I think we might need to take some time off after this one.

[1:02:19] But we're not, though.

[1:02:20] As the photo I posted to the Facebook group showed with Stuart, again, face down on the ground.

[1:02:27] You've never seen just heartbreak quitting.

[1:02:29] He has quit life at that point.

[1:02:32] It's the moment when someone's on a long march in a war movie and they just drop.

[1:02:38] and it's like, you know what, I can't walk anymore.

[1:02:40] I've been giving Dan the football to hold for so long,

[1:02:43] and he keeps yanking it away from me.

[1:02:44] It's like what the quote says,

[1:02:47] when you're tired of Oogie Loves, you're tired of life.

[1:02:49] No.

[1:02:50] When you're watching Oogie Loves, you're trying to escape life.

[1:02:55] Well, it's time, sadly, to sign off.

[1:03:00] For the Flophouse, I've been Dan McGoy.

[1:03:02] I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[1:03:04] And I'll always be Elliot Kalin.

[1:03:07] What's that?

[1:03:07] Come on.

[1:03:08] I'm trying to say my name.

[1:03:09] Can you not interrupt me for once?

[1:03:10] I interrupted myself.

[1:03:13] Oogie Loves.

[1:03:13] Oogie Loves!

[1:03:15] You rewatch it from the beginning until they discover who killed Laura Palmer.

[1:03:35] And then you're done.

[1:03:35] And then maybe if you want to skip ahead, you can watch the finale.

[1:03:38] Yeah, because the end of the finale is pretty amazing.

[1:03:40] Although I was so mad about it at the time.

[1:03:43] I'm like, what?

[1:03:44] They can't.

[1:03:45] That's butt coop.

[1:03:47] That's very sad.

[1:03:49] Butt coop.

[1:03:50] Butt coop.

[1:03:51] That's where you keep your butts.

[1:03:52] All right.

[1:03:54] I tell you, I wanted to build a butt coop in my backyard, but my wife doesn't want me to raise butts.

[1:03:59] We'll save money on eggs.

[1:04:00] Good stuff.

[1:04:02] Because eggs come out of butts?

[1:04:04] They come out of someone's butt.

[1:04:05] Sure.

[1:04:06] At Chickens.

The Flop House: Episode #121 - The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

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