The Flop House: Episode #121 - The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

Dan McCoy

[0:00] On this episode, we discuss, God help us, the Oogie Loves in the Big Balloon Adventure.

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse, I'm Dan McCoy.

Stuart Wellington

[0:34] Co-starring Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:37] And with Elliot Kalin as himself.

Dan McCoy

[0:40] That's pretty good, guys, I like it, I like the new direction we're taking.

[0:43] Jazz.

[0:44] What?

[0:45] I don't...

Stuart Wellington

[0:46] I added some jazz to the opening.

[0:48] Oh, okay.

[0:48] Quick, pull up Wikipedia.

Dan McCoy

[0:50] I mean, it is, I don't know what...

[0:51] Don't type in jazz, type in Oogie Loves.

[0:53] I thought you were saying that was like the new title of our show.

[0:57] Jazz.

[0:58] I wasn't thinking of the musical form jazz.

[1:02] I thought...

[1:02] Yeah, this is now the show jazz.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03] Stuart plays Detective Mike Jazz.

[1:06] He's a New Orleans detective.

[1:07] I thought it was maybe a Jag spinoff.

[1:09] No, no, I'm his sidekick.

Stuart Wellington

[1:11] Yeah, it's Jag's younger brother, he's a New Orleans detective.

Elliott Kalan

[1:13] I'm his sidekick, Gizmo Gadget.

[1:15] Okay.

[1:16] And you're the chief.

[1:17] I like it.

[1:19] The chief dies in the first episode.

Stuart Wellington

[1:21] But then your ghost asks me to hand him my badge every episode.

Elliott Kalan

[1:24] Somehow when you're the ghost, but you still have the same job.

Dan McCoy

[1:27] So, it might be hard to tell from that introduction, but...

[1:33] But we're broken men.

[1:35] We are a podcast that watches bad movies and then discusses them.

[1:40] And tonight.

[1:41] So you don't...

[1:42] Oh, brother.

[1:43] Oh, boy.

[1:43] Oh, grandma.

[1:44] Have we got a baddie for you.

[1:46] So what you should do is...

Elliott Kalan

[1:47] Calling the chickens from the yard.

[1:48] Fathers, knock up your daughters.

Dan McCoy

[1:52] Because watch out.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54] Wow.

[1:54] You're going to have to repopulate the earth after this one.

Dan McCoy

[1:58] We watched a little film.

[2:01] And when we say little, we mean it because it was a box office bomb.

Elliott Kalan

[2:05] Strangely huge film and strangely overdone movie that is also tiny.

Stuart Wellington

[2:09] Its shadow looms over many, many lesser shitty movies.

Elliott Kalan

[2:14] Oh, it looms over human civilization.

[2:16] Yeah.

[2:17] We watched a movie called...

Dan McCoy

[2:17] Something slouching towards Oogie Loves.

[2:20] There's...

[2:20] A movie called Oogie Loves The Big Balloon Adventure.

[2:25] Or in the Big Balloon...

Elliott Kalan

[2:26] Wait, was it...

[2:27] Housecat is trying to stop us.

[2:29] It's called The Oogie Loves in The Big Balloon Adventure.

[2:32] Okay.

[2:32] The Big Balloon Adventure.

Dan McCoy

[2:34] Now, that points up something interesting about this movie, which was when it was first

[2:38] being advertised, I assumed that The Oogie Loves was something that...

[2:43] That existed.

[2:44] Sure.

[2:44] That people knew about, that I didn't know about because I'm a childless man.

[2:49] But this was surely a...

[2:51] Well, it would be weird for you to know about it.

[2:53] Popular...

Elliott Kalan

[2:53] For a man with...

[2:54] A grown man with no children to know children's television characters would be creepy.

Dan McCoy

[2:59] But I assumed that, okay, this is something that I don't get, but it has a huge following

[3:03] among the children.

[3:05] That's why they made a movie.

[3:06] That's why the title is...

[3:07] Like a blues clues sort of thing.

Elliott Kalan

[3:08] Yeah.

[3:09] That's why the title is not...

[3:10] Well, that's also the slogan for jazz is real life blues clues.

[3:16] Real life blues clues.

[3:18] Because you solve the crimes by...

[3:20] You play a magic saxophone and it highlights the clues.

[3:23] Perfect.

Dan McCoy

[3:23] No, but I assumed that this was a new thing because it wasn't called, say, introducing

Elliott Kalan

[3:28] the Oogie Loves.

[3:28] It's not called the Oogie Loves.

[3:30] It's not called the Big Balloon Adventure.

[3:32] It's called the Oogie Loves in the Big Balloon Adventure.

[3:34] So you assume...

[3:34] Your favorite star is the Oogie Loves.

[3:36] People must know...

[3:36] It's a continuation.

[3:38] They know the Oogie Loves and they are demanding they be in an adventure of some kind.

[3:42] Preferably balloon related.

[3:43] Well, the thing is, is it a big adventure with balloons or is it an adventure involving big balloons?

Stuart Wellington

[3:47] Well, luckily the movie answers that question.

Dan McCoy

[3:49] The balloons are normal size.

[3:50] I gotta say, before I saw this movie, another assumption, the Oogie Loves get in a big hot

[3:55] air balloon and go someplace.

[3:57] Nope.

[3:57] But they do not.

[3:58] Nope.

[3:58] They do not.

[3:59] Not even close.

[4:00] It's about regular helium balloons.

Elliott Kalan

[4:01] No, the closest they get is when they get into that flying sombrero powered by the power

[4:05] of dance that Christopher Lloyd and Jamie Presley own.

[4:09] We are getting way ahead of ourselves.

[4:10] Of course they had to get in it.

Stuart Wellington

[4:11] That was the only way they could cross the weird field that they couldn't walk, run, or

[4:14] ride bicycles on.

[4:15] Or ride bicycles because that shitty llama posted those signs.

[4:17] The fucking dick that showed up at the party at the end.

[4:18] Who invited him?

Dan McCoy

[4:19] Yeah, who invited this llama that was getting in the way of the balloons?

Stuart Wellington

[4:22] Maybe at the end of the day, you know, they might not like him, but they respect him.

[4:24] And his adherence to park rules.

[4:26] To the rules.

[4:27] To discipline.

Dan McCoy

[4:28] Guys, right now, there are listeners across America saying the Flophouse has descended into

[4:32] madness.

[4:32] They are right.

[4:33] They're talking about the merest gibberish.

[4:35] This surely does not make any sense.

[4:38] But I think we need to talk about the plot.

Elliott Kalan

[4:40] Well, first, the first thing to know is your assumption that the Oogie Loves were a thing

[4:44] that existed and they made a movie out of it was wrong.

[4:47] This is a movie made by some of the people involved with the Americanized version of the

[4:51] Teletubbies.

[4:52] And I assume from putting that show out, they realized the lesson that kids will watch any

[4:56] shit as long as it's brightly colored and has made up words in it.

[5:00] So let's, hey, let's go through the movie and introduce everybody to the Oogie Loves because

[5:05] nobody saw this film.

Stuart Wellington

[5:07] This is going to be the most concise description of this plot that exists, right?

Elliott Kalan

[5:12] Well, I'll see if I can stretch it out.

[5:14] Okay.

[5:14] So the Oogie Loves, they introduce us by the beginning by just talking to the audience.

[5:17] Okay.

[5:18] They are three horrific costumed characters named Gooby, Zuzi, and Toofy.

Dan McCoy

[5:22] Imagine the Garbage Pail Kids crossed with Barney.

Elliott Kalan

[5:25] Yeah.

[5:25] I think that's a good way to think about it.

[5:27] Now, they each have their particular personality.

[5:31] Gooby is into science.

[5:33] He has glasses.

[5:34] He keeps talking about how things are science-tastic.

[5:36] Science-tastic.

[5:37] Zuzi can speak any language, but her catchphrase is sparklicious, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[5:42] Yeah.

[5:42] And she's, it's feminine, right?

[5:44] And she's a girl.

[5:45] Yeah.

[5:45] It's a girl.

[5:46] It's feminine.

[5:46] That's what young girls like.

Elliott Kalan

[5:47] Things that are sparklicious.

[5:49] Yeah.

[5:49] And then there's...

[5:50] Things of gratitude that are sparklicious.

[5:51] And then there's Toofy, the awesome party guy.

[5:54] The steward of the group.

[5:55] Yeah.

[5:55] Very much the steward of the group.

[5:56] He's totally the steward.

[5:57] And his thing is that his pants fall down all the time.

[6:00] So also the steward of the group.

[6:01] I just like to do it.

Stuart Wellington

[6:01] And he likes to have fun all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[6:03] He comes out and says, I'm Toofy, and I like to have fun any way I can.

[6:07] Which is...

[6:08] Or something like that.

[6:09] Which is creepy.

Dan McCoy

[6:10] No holds barred.

Elliott Kalan

[6:12] You're in Toofy's world now.

[6:14] There's no safe word here.

[6:15] Are they in a band?

[6:16] Yes.

[6:17] They are in a band.

[6:17] And they're the Oogie Loves.

[6:19] They never quite explain what an Oogie Love is.

[6:21] But they are them.

Dan McCoy

[6:22] At the beginning of the movie, they explain so much about the Oogie Loves, except for what

[6:27] Oogie Loves is and why.

Elliott Kalan

[6:29] But they also tell you, the audience, anytime you see...

[6:33] What is it?

[6:34] Like a bird flies across...

[6:35] Butterflies.

[6:36] A bunch of butterflies fly across the screen, it means get up and dance with us.

[6:39] And when a bunch of turtles crawl across the screen, it means...

[6:42] Sit the fuck back down.

[6:43] Sit your ass down.

[6:44] Sit down.

[6:44] Sit your ass down.

[6:45] The Oogie Loves are in charge now.

[6:47] Anyway.

Dan McCoy

[6:48] But no, but I think we have to explain, though, that this was supposed to be the big...

[6:51] The innovation of the Oogie Loves...

Elliott Kalan

[6:53] Is that you would show it in a theater and it would be interactive.

[6:56] And according to Wikipedia, the creator of the movie was inspired by going to see one

[7:01] of the Madea movies in the theater and noticing that black audiences shouted back at the screen.

[7:06] Wow.

[7:06] And thought, if only I could harness this racist observation for kids.

[7:10] That's what Wikipedia says.

[7:12] So, at those moments, kids were supposed to get up, sing along, dance.

[7:16] It's not just a movie.

[7:17] It's an interactive experience in that you can do...

[7:19] But only in the way that every movie is because you could do this during any movie.

[7:22] But also...

Stuart Wellington

[7:23] So do you think we missed out on anything by not watching it in its intended setting?

[7:27] We did do a little singing along and dancing.

[7:28] A theater full of screaming kids.

Elliott Kalan

[7:29] We did take turns taking part with the dancing and the singing.

[7:33] And I got to admit, it didn't make the movie better.

[7:35] But it did help drive me to madness quicker.

Dan McCoy

[7:40] I want to say, though, again, as a childless man, perhaps I'm misunderstanding something.

[7:45] But it seems to me that parents take their kids to the movies...

[7:50] To shut them up.

[7:51] ...as a respite from this sort of behavior.

[7:53] Not to encourage them to be loud and dance around.

[7:57] But, again, I might be misunderstanding.

Stuart Wellington

[7:58] No, it's to tuck them out so you can get them to bed quicker, right?

[8:01] Yeah, so that you can have romantic time.

[8:02] It's faster than sneaking some whiskey in their milkshakes or whatever kids drink.

[8:06] Yogurt.

[8:08] They're sneaking whiskey in their go-gurt.

Elliott Kalan

[8:10] Just taking a syringe full of whiskey and just injecting it into their go-gurt tube.

[8:14] Yeah.

[8:15] So, let's go through the plot, shall we?

[8:18] What there is of it.

[8:19] So, the Oogie Loves wake up.

[8:21] That's a big part of it.

[8:22] It takes about 28 minutes.

[8:25] They sing about it, and they're woken up by their friend, Windy the Window, who is a talking window with a face and a southern accent.

[8:31] Like a Jombie sort of fellow.

[8:32] Yeah, she's very much a Jombie.

[8:34] It's a lady Jombie, but she's a window, and she has none of the verve and joie de vivre and charm that Jombie has.

[8:41] Or the gay camp.

[8:42] And Jombie, let's remember, in real life, director of Twin Sitters.

[8:47] Yeah.

[8:48] So, he's a great guy, and we love him.

[8:51] So, they realize...

Stuart Wellington

[8:51] Windy the Window, there's no reservations.

Elliott Kalan

[8:54] We don't know any...

[8:54] Yeah, she's never worked with the Barbarian Brothers.

[8:58] Shloofy, their friend who's a pillow, who's still asleep, it's his birthday.

[9:02] And they're going to plan a surprise party.

Dan McCoy

[9:04] His pillow has a birthday.

[9:05] Let's back up.

[9:07] His pillow is having a birthday.

[9:09] Yes.

[9:09] So, they have to have a party for this pillow.

Elliott Kalan

[9:11] Now, their friend, J. Edgar, who is a vacuum cleaner.

[9:16] Oh, that makes sense.

[9:17] Get it?

[9:18] J. Edgar Hoover.

[9:18] It's the kind of joke kids shouldn't get, because they should have no knowledge of America's crime-fighting and civil rights intrusion past.

[9:28] He's coming along to help them create a surprise party for this pillow.

[9:32] And he's sort of an ineffectual buffoon of a vacuum cleaner.

[9:36] Now, he has glasses also, but he's not smart.

[9:38] And I believe he's coded as Jewish, because he's very high-strung and nervy.

[9:42] And he fucks up instantly by letting go of the five magic balloons that they were going to give to Shloofy.

Stuart Wellington

[9:49] That's the perfect gift for a pillow.

[9:50] That's the thing.

Elliott Kalan

[9:52] Pillows love balloons.

[9:54] The more magic, the better.

Dan McCoy

[9:55] I wasn't quite sure what happened.

[9:57] It seemed that maybe the vacuum cleaner was alarmed by the singing mice that he encountered on the road.

Stuart Wellington

[10:03] There's a peacock.

[10:04] While he was trying to go up some steps.

[10:06] And this is.

[10:07] Already a problem for a vacuum cleaner.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] And the vacuum cleaner was singing and dancing at the same time, too.

Dan McCoy

[10:12] So, he lets loose of these five golden magic balloons.

Elliott Kalan

[10:15] And they fly to all ends of Lovey Loveville, the place that they live.

[10:19] He comes by.

[10:20] Oh, no.

[10:21] My balloons.

[10:22] We only have two hours or whatever.

[10:24] Or four hours until Shloofy wakes up or something.

[10:27] Shloofy.

[10:28] Sorry.

[10:29] And so, they have to go all over Lovey Loveville to find the magic balloons.

Stuart Wellington

[10:34] 20 minutes later, because they have to put on clothes and then do this weird breakfast song.

Elliott Kalan

[10:39] I forgot about that already.

[10:40] That they have to change their clothes.

[10:42] Although, this is good screenwriting.

[10:45] In act one, they lay the seed that Toofy's pants are going to fall down.

[10:49] By having him say, Toofy, put on a belt.

[10:51] And he goes, I hate belts.

[10:52] Uh-huh.

[10:53] That's all the explanation he needs.

Stuart Wellington

[10:54] He sounded way more badass.

[10:55] But also.

[10:55] He was like, oh, I hate belts, dude.

[10:58] Marrow.

[10:59] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[11:01] Now you're getting it.

[11:02] And they also.

[11:03] Lady Oogilove says, hey.

[11:05] Lady Oogilove.

[11:06] I don't know her fucking name.

[11:07] Her name is Susie or something.

Elliott Kalan

[11:09] She says, whenever his pants falls down, you have to say this stupid rhyme about.

[11:14] Goofy Toofy, pull up your pants.

[11:16] Yeah.

[11:17] It's terrible.

Stuart Wellington

[11:19] Foreshadowing.

[11:19] An entire day of pants falling down.

Elliott Kalan

[11:22] So, they've got no time to lose to get these balloons.

[11:25] But first, they've got to eat breakfast.

[11:27] Which means the vacuum cleaner's going to sing them a long song about pineapple pancakes.

[11:32] And they're just throwing pancakes around.

[11:34] Pancakes are flying.

[11:35] This goes on.

Stuart Wellington

[11:36] Whitney the window says they're the best pancakes in the world, which doesn't quite make sense.

Elliott Kalan

[11:39] No.

[11:39] How is a window eating pancakes?

[11:41] There's also.

[11:42] It's implied there's some kind of flirtation between the vacuum cleaner and the window, which is weird.

[11:46] Yeah.

[11:47] Apparently.

Dan McCoy

[11:48] Yeah.

[11:48] A vacuum cleaner has a crush on a window in this universe.

Elliott Kalan

[11:51] As Dan said while we were watching it, hold on a second.

[11:53] So, that vacuum cleaner wants to fuck that window.

Dan McCoy

[11:57] Now.

[11:57] But also, I said this to you.

[11:59] Like, I'm mystified by a world in which some inanimate objects are alive, but some aren't.

[12:04] So, for some reason, the vacuum cleaner is tooling around and has friends and feelings.

[12:09] It's like Goofy and Odie.

[12:10] I was just going to goofy and Pluto, you mean.

[12:12] And Odie from Garfield.

Elliott Kalan

[12:13] Odie is in a different universe, plays by different rules.

[12:15] So, how do you decide which inanimate objects is alive?

[12:18] But it's just like in Stand By Me.

[12:20] They talk about Goofy and Pluto.

[12:22] They're both dogs, but one of them can talk and wears clothes, and the other is just a dog that is a pet.

[12:26] One step further along the evolutionary trail.

Dan McCoy

[12:29] I assume that Pluto had a lobotomy.

[12:32] So, you're saying at one point there was a mutation in a vacuum cleaner that made it sentient.

Elliott Kalan

[12:38] Yeah, and in a window, yeah.

[12:39] All right.

[12:40] Sure.

[12:40] Maybe radiation caused it.

[12:41] I don't know.

[12:42] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[12:43] Maybe he was bitten by a radioactive human.

Elliott Kalan

[12:48] And again, the proportionate nervousness and arms of a human.

[12:53] Now, they sing a song.

[12:55] There are a lot of songs in this movie.

[12:57] We just watched the movie literally ten minutes ago.

[12:59] I can't remember a single one.

[13:00] No.

[13:00] Except, and I'm going to try, like, it's, as one of you guys mentioned during the movie, it's like, when I make up a song off the top of my head for this show, but worse.

[13:09] Yeah.

[13:10] Because it'll be like, milkshakes making milkshakes.

[13:13] Moo, moo, milkshakes having some milkshakes.

[13:16] Like, that's a song they would do in it.

Dan McCoy

[13:18] Yeah, this is not like, say, the Muppet movie with beautiful songs by Paul Williams.

[13:21] No, Paul Williams was not involved in this.

[13:23] This was, yeah.

[13:24] They found a whole boat.

Elliott Kalan

[13:26] No Williams has wrote these songs.

[13:28] Not even Venus Williams.

[13:29] Not even Billy Dee Williams.

[13:30] They tossed 25 cents in a vagrant.

Dan McCoy

[13:33] They're like, all right, now a song about pancakes.

Elliott Kalan

[13:37] Do it.

[13:38] Pancakes.

[13:39] Pineapple pancakes.

[13:40] Upside down.

[13:41] Pineapple pancakes.

[13:43] Great.

[13:44] Here's some more paint thinner.

[13:45] Such a talent.

[13:46] Write us a song about a flying sombrero.

[13:49] Okay.

[13:50] So I'll just quickly go through the people they have, the trials they have to go through to get these balloons.

[13:54] Sure.

[13:54] Herculean tasks.

[13:56] The five flavors of the oogie loves.

[13:59] Now, Herculean's tasks were to get over the guilt from murdering his family, right?

[14:03] So I assume the oogie loves did the same.

[14:05] Very similar.

[14:05] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[14:06] That's why they have to throw a great party for their pillow friend is that they, I don't know, cut his arms off or something?

Elliott Kalan

[14:11] Because the pillow, more than anything, seems like, yeah, like someone.

Stuart Wellington

[14:15] He's suffering from some kind of mental trauma.

[14:17] Or he's like a veteran who lost his limbs.

Elliott Kalan

[14:19] Like, there's something really, later they're carrying the pillow around at the party and it's really creepy.

Dan McCoy

[14:23] Yeah.

[14:24] Any creature that, number one, doesn't talk in a comprehensible way.

[14:28] Yeah, number two, has no limbs.

[14:30] He's going to read on screen as someone who's had, like, maybe a terrible car accident or something.

[14:36] A terrible catastrophe has been followed.

Elliott Kalan

[14:37] Because Shloofy sounds like this.

[14:42] It's like if, you know, kind of like Gizmo but not intelligible in any way.

[14:47] So, okay, here they have to go through these different trials.

[14:50] First, the first golden balloon's on top of a tree.

[14:53] In the tree is a giant tea kettle treehouse.

[14:55] They call it a tree kettle.

[14:56] They meet a girl wearing surprisingly tight clothes for a kid's movie who's obsessed with squares.

[15:01] Meanwhile, her aunt Dottie is obsessed with dots.

[15:04] Chloris Leachman.

[15:04] Played by Chloris Leachman, Academy Award and Emmy winner, Chloris Leachman.

[15:08] They sing a song about dots and they dance about dots.

[15:11] And then they use a ladder to climb up the tree and get the balloon.

[15:16] Okay, great.

[15:16] They got one balloon.

Stuart Wellington

[15:17] And then we find out, that's when we find out that the magic balloons grow faces when you grab them.

[15:22] And then do magic shit like float you down.

Elliott Kalan

[15:24] Float you down or just go like, hey, you can do it.

[15:27] Whoa.

[15:27] And at the end, just so we don't forget, we should say at the end the balloons demand kisses from the audience.

[15:36] After all the balloons are caught, they start floating away again and they demand kisses from the audience.

[15:40] And they say, love is the most powerful thing.

[15:42] More kisses.

[15:44] So you're supposed to blow kisses at them.

[15:46] It's super creepy.

[15:48] These balloons are the creepiest thing.

[15:49] But that's jumping ahead.

[15:50] So they've got one balloon.

[15:51] The next one they find out is attached to the root.

[15:54] No, has been caught on a cow at Marvin Milkshake's Milkshake Parlo.

[16:00] Now, Marvin Milkshake is, of course.

[16:02] Now, who would you cast to play a goofy milkshake diner-owning hepcat?

Stuart Wellington

[16:09] Probably Christopher Lloyd.

[16:10] No, wrong.

[16:11] Probably Cary Elwes.

[16:13] No, he comes up later.

[16:15] Probably Tony Braxton.

Elliott Kalan

[16:16] No, if you're thinking.

[16:17] Some sort of tough Italian, maybe.

[16:19] If you're thinking a Bronx Tale writer star, Chaz Palminteri, then yes.

[16:23] Chaz Palminteri plays Marvin Milkshake.

[16:26] And I'll give you this.

[16:27] There are a bunch of stars in quotes in this movie.

[16:30] They give it their all.

[16:31] None of them phone in what they're doing.

[16:33] They totally give it all the energy they can.

Dan McCoy

[16:36] Well, I mean, I think they sized up this movie and they're like, the only way this is going

[16:39] to work is if we totally commit to it.

[16:43] And they were wrong, but not because of what they did.

[16:46] They were wrong because the movie was never going to work.

[16:49] Yeah.

[16:49] But it wasn't their fault.

Elliott Kalan

[16:50] Now, they sing a song about milkshakes.

[16:52] They have to win a milkshake drinking contest to get the balloon.

[16:55] And it turns out they're fish, Ruffy, who I forgot to mention they bring with them.

[16:59] Yeah, they're wisecracking fish.

Stuart Wellington

[17:00] He's the one who's like, hey, forget about this.

[17:02] Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

[17:03] That kind of stuff.

[17:03] I hate milkshakes.

[17:04] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[17:05] He's the Benjamin J. Grimm of the group, if you will.

[17:08] Yeah.

[17:08] And he goes, milkshakes?

[17:10] I'd rather drink salt water.

[17:11] Wait, I already do.

[17:13] I'm a fish.

[17:14] A lot of jokes in quotes.

[17:15] In a fish bowl?

[17:16] Salt water?

[17:17] Really?

[17:17] Yeah, well, he's a salt water fish, you know.

[17:19] In a little fish bowl, though?

[17:20] Don't they have to have a special filtration system?

[17:23] They should.

[17:24] And he's drinking that water.

[17:24] Look, this is a fish that plays by his own rules.

[17:27] Okay.

[17:27] Now, the fish drinks the milkshake.

[17:29] They get it.

[17:30] He drinks that milkshake.

[17:31] Marvin Milkshake.

[17:32] He drinks it up.

[17:33] Marvin Milkshake does a lot of this.

Dan McCoy

[17:35] He's like, hey, glad you got your balloon back.

[17:37] Ooh!

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] Yeah!

[17:39] Which I want to believe that's what Chez Palminteri brought to the roles, that he says ooh a lot.

[17:43] And there's a great scene.

[17:46] Let me mention also that the cook who makes the milkshakes at this...

[17:49] Potentially his wife.

[17:51] Potentially his wife is this horrifically realistic cow puppet with like rhinestone glasses on.

Stuart Wellington

[17:57] And this is a diner full of extras that are dancing along and looking both happy and a little sad.

Elliott Kalan

[18:03] Oh, this rivals the McDonald's dance scene from Mac and Me for kids who are sadly giving it their all in a crappy dance number.

[18:11] Okay, they got the second balloon.

[18:13] What's up next?

[18:14] Well, the next...

[18:15] Oh, and by the way, they're finding out where the balloons are located because Windy Window, who can see all because I guess she has like drones everywhere, is showing it to J. Edgar, who then talks to them on walkie talkies.

[18:27] So, the next one is caught on an airplane at the airport, which belongs to Rosalie Rosebud, played by Toni Braxton, who is a singer about to go on a world tour who also is allergic to roses but loves them and sings a song about how she has a cough all the time.

[18:41] The things we love kill us in the end, Elliot.

Dan McCoy

[18:44] It seems to be an instructional song for kids telling them that when they're sick, they should cough, which is weird because I feel like that's an involuntary thing that happens when people are sick.

Elliott Kalan

[18:55] No, kids, you forget because you were so young, but you had to learn that.

[18:57] Oh, really?

[18:58] Yeah.

[18:59] Yeah.

[18:59] You would just reach into your mouth and pull out hairballs and things.

[19:03] You had to learn how to cough.

Dan McCoy

[19:04] My head would inflate from all this nought.

[19:08] Cough it out.

Stuart Wellington

[19:08] And it's a nice slow number because at this point, the kids are probably all excited.

[19:13] They need to chill out.

[19:14] They need a slow jam.

Elliott Kalan

[19:14] Yeah, they need a slow R&B jam.

[19:17] And they get the last balloon.

[19:19] They float up to wherever.

[19:20] Yeah.

[19:21] They use a trampoline or something.

Stuart Wellington

[19:22] I think one of them, the science guy, makes a trampoline out of her boa.

[19:26] His name is Gooby.

[19:28] Gooby, yeah.

[19:29] He makes a weird trampoline.

Dan McCoy

[19:30] Yeah.

[19:31] And he jumps up to where the balloon is.

[19:33] Now, you may be confused.

[19:34] Gooby is not a giant imaginary teddy bear.

[19:36] This is not that Gooby.

[19:37] This is the American Gooby.

[19:39] Different Gooby.

[19:39] This is not Roddy Coltrane.

Elliott Kalan

[19:41] This is not.

[19:41] That's his signature role.

[19:43] If only it could be.

[19:43] That's Earth-616 Gooby.

[19:44] Yeah.

[19:45] And this is like a what if Gooby.

[19:48] What if Gooby was Noogie Love?

[19:51] Well, they've got three of the balloons.

[19:53] They're almost done, right?

[19:54] Well, looks like they've got to get the most disturbing of the balloons.

[19:58] That's right.

[19:58] Oh, man.

[19:58] It's attached to the top of the truck of Bobbly Wobbly.

[20:02] Or Bobby Wobbly.

[20:03] Thank you.

[20:04] Sorry.

[20:04] Played by Cary Elwes.

[20:06] And he's a cowboy who owns a bubble business and also walks with a wobble because he's insane.

[20:12] Apparently the truck.

[20:13] I guess he's shipping bubbles around.

[20:14] I think the bubble business is in the truck.

[20:16] And Cary always, this is...

Stuart Wellington

[20:18] There's a point where a smile becomes a grimace.

Elliott Kalan

[20:22] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[20:23] He has a rictus on his face.

[20:25] And it's...

[20:26] You may ask if it's possible to commit too much to a role.

[20:28] And the answer is yes.

[20:29] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[20:29] And it's Bobby Wobbly's exhibit A.

Stuart Wellington

[20:31] It's almost the horror of Jim Carrey's Fire Marshal Bill character.

[20:35] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[20:37] That's true.

[20:37] It's that level.

[20:38] But it's like...

[20:39] He is so much more frightening than Heath Ledger is as the Joker.

Dan McCoy

[20:42] Or Pennywise the Clown.

Elliott Kalan

[20:44] Or Dennis Hopper as Frank Booth.

[20:46] Like, there is something so much more frightening about Bobby Wobbly.

[20:50] And you're right.

[20:50] It is very Fire Marshal Bill.

[20:53] And it really cemented Cary always...

[20:57] I always thought of him as the poor man's Val Kilmer.

[20:59] But now he's also the poor man's Jim Carrey.

Stuart Wellington

[21:01] And there's something about his crazy, over-the-top, wobbling, smile performance

[21:05] when it's next to the emotionless Oogie Loves characters.

Dan McCoy

[21:09] Yeah.

[21:10] We have to say that these are giant, full-body suit puppets, but...

[21:15] They're very plush.

[21:16] They're like giant Muppets, but shitty.

[21:18] The mouth barely moves.

[21:20] The eyes...

[21:20] And the eyes have...

[21:21] They just look side to side.

[21:22] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[21:23] And occasionally there's a slight flutter of their eyelids.

[21:27] Like the synapses are exploding somewhere deep within their...

[21:30] And their cushiony heads.

Dan McCoy

[21:32] So, I mean, just imagine the most irritating voice, as you can imagine, paired with the

[21:36] least expression-giving faces.

Elliott Kalan

[21:39] Even more irritating than my voice coming out of them.

Dan McCoy

[21:42] Yeah.

[21:42] A voice that has been described as douchey on the AV Club.

[21:45] No, I was described as douchey.

Elliott Kalan

[21:47] My voice was described as shitty.

[21:50] Let's get it straight, okay?

[21:51] These are my press clippings.

[21:54] Okay.

[21:55] So, they dance with Bobby Wobbly, I assume fearing for their lives the entire time, and about

[21:59] how great it is to wobble.

[22:00] Then they convince a bird to fly up and get the balloon for them.

Stuart Wellington

[22:04] And there's something kind of eerie seeing normal humans interacting with the Oogie Loves,

[22:10] because you're nervous that they might accidentally...

[22:12] Like, these Oogie Loves, they're much larger than a normal human.

[22:15] They're very big.

[22:15] Especially since they're supposed to be kids, I assume.

[22:17] That their childlike brains, mixed with their larger-than-human bodies, might accidentally

[22:23] crush one of these poor Chloris Leachmans.

[22:25] Well, they're basically Lenny of Mice and Man.

Elliott Kalan

[22:28] Excuse me.

[22:28] They don't know their own strength.

Stuart Wellington

[22:30] They might crush somebody.

[22:31] Or trip, because they don't seem that agile.

[22:34] No, they dance a lot.

[22:35] Pants are always falling down.

[22:38] Dance in quotation marks a lot.

[22:40] Oogie Loves is giving me hiccups for some reason.

Dan McCoy

[22:42] Oogie Loves has destroyed Elliot.

[22:43] He's got hiccups now.

Elliott Kalan

[22:45] Yeah, too much fizzy lifting drink and too much Oogie Loves.

Dan McCoy

[22:48] Should I take over the thing?

[22:50] No, no, no.

[22:51] There's only one balloon left to go.

[22:52] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[22:53] So hang on, Shloopy.

[22:54] Hang on, Shloopy.

[22:55] Hang on.

[22:56] Meanwhile, Shloopy is threatening to wake up at any moment and then doesn't.

Dan McCoy

[23:02] Shloopy.

[23:03] Comatose Shloopy.

[23:04] Shloopy.

[23:04] Poor Shloopy, yeah.

[23:05] With an F.

[23:06] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[23:07] Why would you name a pillow Shloopy?

[23:08] It makes no sense.

[23:09] Poor brain-damaged quadriplegic Shloopy

[23:13] is threatening to wake up at any moment and have his birthday ruined.

Elliott Kalan

[23:18] His surprise ruined because he doesn't have five magic talking balloons.

[23:21] Yep.

[23:22] It's like a continuation of Metallica's one.

[23:26] Yep.

[23:27] So they have to get to a windmill to get the last balloon, but a shitty llama won't let

[23:32] them ride their bikes or run on the grass.

[23:36] That sounds crazy when you say it.

[23:38] So it's the only way to get across is to flag down a giant floating sombrero.

[23:42] Of course.

[23:43] That makes sense.

[23:43] Owned by Lola and Laro Sombrero, played by Jamie Presley and Christopher Lloyd.

[23:50] This sounds like a climax.

[23:52] Jamie Presley does almost all the talking and Christopher Lloyd communicates through his

[23:56] bongo drums and they dance because that dancing is how the sombrero is powered and they go

[24:01] and get it.

[24:02] Like, oh no, they get to the windmill, then they have to play a flute to make a tulip

[24:06] grow so they can climb to the top so they can use the fish to finally grab the balloon.

Dan McCoy

[24:11] So you're making this sound like it's some sort of computer game.

[24:17] Use fish on windmill?

[24:19] Yes, you throw the fish and it gets the balloon from the top of the windmill.

Elliott Kalan

[24:24] They got all the balloons.

[24:25] Great.

[24:26] They're riding back.

[24:27] Uh-oh.

[24:28] I don't remember why, but the balloons get loose.

[24:30] They float away.

[24:31] The power of kisses brings them back.

[24:33] Of course.

[24:33] And then they go and they present Shloofy with his birthday party.

[24:37] Everybody...

[24:38] The balloons sing a very creepy song.

[24:40] Very creepy song.

[24:41] And all the characters we've seen through Windy the Window express their birthday wishes

[24:47] to Shloofy.

[24:48] By spraying stuff on him.

[24:50] They spray rose petals or feathers or dots or whatever.

Dan McCoy

[24:53] All the bullshit they're obsessed with throughout the film.

Elliott Kalan

[24:56] Yeah, this parade of Harvey Comics characters.

[24:59] And now they...

[25:00] And the Oogie Loves sing a song and dance a dance that goes on for...

[25:04] What, like an hour?

[25:05] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[25:07] And the audience is...

[25:08] Multiple times impeaching the audience.

[25:11] It's imploring them to...

[25:13] To give...

[25:13] To...

[25:14] To...

[25:14] Take part.

[25:15] And to agree that this is a great movie.

Elliott Kalan

[25:17] Yeah.

[25:17] And to lose themselves to the magic and the music and the passion.

[25:21] And love the movie.

Dan McCoy

[25:22] Lose yourself in the music.

[25:23] The moment.

Elliott Kalan

[25:24] You own it.

[25:25] You never let it go.

[25:26] Yeah.

[25:26] Eight Mile.

[25:27] Oogie Loves.

[25:28] Now, the audience is invited to take part in the dance.

[25:31] The audience declines the invitation.

[25:34] And then the movie is over.

[25:36] And we're all poorer for it.

[25:38] We are all 97 minutes...

[25:39] No, it was 87 minutes.

[25:41] Thank you.

[25:42] Poor, poorer for it.

Dan McCoy

[25:43] So this was a tightly plotted film, is what you're saying.

Elliott Kalan

[25:45] What I'm saying is that even 87 minutes, roughly 95% of it is filler.

Dan McCoy

[25:51] I mean, this movie tears me in a certain way because I feel like if it had worked, it would

[25:58] have been a perfectly fine thing for very young children.

[26:02] Yeah, sure.

Elliott Kalan

[26:03] This would be a great movie for three-year-olds or two-year-olds if it wasn't terrible.

Dan McCoy

[26:06] Yeah, who need to jump around and scream shit.

[26:08] And that's entertainment for them.

[26:11] But it is so insane and so disjointed.

Elliott Kalan

[26:15] And it's so dumb and like...

[26:17] I mean, kid dumb is one thing.

[26:19] Like, kids can enjoy dumb stuff.

[26:20] I can see a kid just finding this stupid, you know...

Dan McCoy

[26:24] I mean, and everything that's in it is so half-assed.

[26:27] I mean, we talked about how they give the characters their things, which is one of them's scientific,

[26:34] one of them's a party animal, and one's a girl, basically.

[26:37] Yeah.

[26:37] But she can speak any language, including animal tones.

[26:41] She speaks a lot of animal languages.

[26:43] But none of those things really come into play.

Elliott Kalan

[26:46] She speaks animal all the time.

[26:47] She speaks to that toucan, puffin.

[26:50] Puffin.

[26:50] She speaks to a puffin.

[26:52] She speaks to a cow.

[26:53] She speaks to a llama in terms of llama's English.

[26:55] It's not a personality thing.

[26:57] And the science guy uses science constantly.

[26:59] And the party animal is kind of a goof off and his pants fall down.

[27:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[27:04] He's cool but rude.

Elliott Kalan

[27:05] It makes sense.

[27:06] He is very rude and very cool.

[27:08] Just like Raphael.

Stuart Wellington

[27:10] If Raphael and Michelangelo had some kind of a turtle baby...

Elliott Kalan

[27:13] And instead of a turtle, it was an Oogie Loves?

[27:15] It'd be him.

[27:16] Do you think that's where the Oogie Loves came from, is they are the inbred children of Ninja Turtles?

[27:20] That's why this is so hard fun.

[27:21] It's only possible.

[27:23] I mean, I do appreciate...

Stuart Wellington

[27:24] Especially when you consider the Ninja Turtles, I'm assuming, are all male?

[27:28] Yes.

Elliott Kalan

[27:29] I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out Donatello was passing.

[27:32] It was actually a woman all this time.

Dan McCoy

[27:34] I do appreciate a world where all the peoples of the world, whether they be Oogie Loves or vacuum cleaners or pillows or humans, can come together and have a party.

[27:46] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[27:46] And whatever other hand puppets you can find around the workshop.

Elliott Kalan

[27:49] Yeah, because all the animals you've seen in the movie just show them.

Stuart Wellington

[27:51] Hey, you want some raccoons with rubber gloves on?

[27:54] We got like ten of them.

Elliott Kalan

[27:55] Yeah.

[27:56] Here's some mice that are doing something.

[27:58] Now, it is a half-assed movie, though.

[27:59] The songs sound like they were written in about ten minutes, all of them.

[28:04] There are a lot of crappy effects.

[28:06] There's one part where Dan pointed out we were watching, they very clearly looped some footage while the Oogie Loves are waiting for something to happen, as if they didn't have enough footage.

[28:14] They didn't have three more seconds of them just standing there.

Dan McCoy

[28:16] Yeah, they couldn't just be like, all right, we need to run this for another 30 seconds.

[28:21] We just need a shot of the three of you in costume standing in one place.

[28:24] They looped the same 1.5 seconds of them standing around over and over again waiting for the sombrero to land.

Elliott Kalan

[28:32] Let's just say, also, the choreography is lackluster.

[28:36] This is hardly a Bob Fosse film.

Stuart Wellington

[28:39] I mean, if I didn't know better, I would have assumed that a small troupe who put on this show at nursery schools or whatever that got one or two good receptions were like, oh my god.

[28:50] Yeah.

[28:50] This would be great if we could translate this into an hour and 27 minute long feature film.

[28:56] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[28:56] It certainly doesn't look like a movie that cost $20 million, which apparently it did.

Stuart Wellington

[29:01] I mean, most of that probably went to who Carrie Young was.

Elliott Kalan

[29:04] There's no price high enough to get him to play Bobby Wobbly.

[29:08] Was that it?

[29:09] Yeah, it's not Bobbly.

[29:10] Bobbly Wobbly?

[29:10] No, it's Bobby.

[29:11] Bobbly Wobby.

[29:12] Okay, wait.

Stuart Wellington

[29:14] And his toucan character.

Elliott Kalan

[29:16] Puffin.

[29:17] Puffin.

[29:17] Her name was Penelope.

[29:19] It's not a toucan, though.

[29:20] No, it's not a toucan.

[29:21] So, I guess what we're saying is this is a good movie for driving someone crazy.

[29:26] Like, it felt at times like this is a movie that either...

[29:30] And it opens without credits.

[29:32] Yeah, there's nothing.

[29:34] You're just thrown into it.

[29:34] So you indicate what you're watching.

[29:36] It's like this is a movie that was designed to play to prisoners of war while you're interrogating them.

[29:41] Or it's a movie that, like, if I...

Stuart Wellington

[29:44] Certainly the film quality is no indicator that you're sitting down to watch a major motion picture.

Elliott Kalan

[29:48] Halfway through the movie, if I had suddenly woken up in a hospital bed...

[29:51] It's very well lit.

[29:52] It is very well lit.

[29:53] If I had suddenly...

[29:54] It has the quality I like in my soft core pornography in that it's well lit.

[29:59] In that you can see everything.

[30:01] If I had halfway through the movie suddenly woken up in a hospital bed with a fractured skull and just blood loss,

[30:07] and they were like, you were muttering something about Oogie What?

[30:11] I'd be like, yeah, that makes sense.

[30:13] I was muttering Oogie Loves.

[30:14] I was muttering Oogie Loves, but I guess I hallucinated the whole thing.

Dan McCoy

[30:17] I was muttering Oogie Loves.

[30:18] And by the way, get Hollywood on the phone.

[30:21] Tell them never to make this.

Elliott Kalan

[30:25] I feel like there's...

[30:26] It's rare that you see a movie where you're like, I wish I could travel back in time to stop this from happening.

[30:30] But basically this and Cannibal Holocaust.

Stuart Wellington

[30:32] You would have had to go back to 2009 because this movie sat on the shelf for four years because they were trying to patent its shittiness.

Dan McCoy

[30:40] They're trying to patent the idea of interactivity.

Elliott Kalan

[30:44] And we all know that existed already in that movie that Christopher Lloyd, I think, was also in,

[30:49] where you made the decisions over what the main character was going to do.

[30:52] What was it called?

[30:52] Mr. Robot or something?

[30:54] Do you guys not remember that?

[30:56] Yeah.

[30:56] You just bored me into tears with your story, dork.

[31:00] There was a movie where you chose which way the story would go.

[31:04] Or a remote or whatever.

[31:05] With a remote.

[31:05] And they advertised it multiple times at movie theaters I went to as a kid.

[31:09] And it never arrived.

[31:10] I'm going to look this up while we're talking.

[31:12] Okay.

[31:13] Because people realize...

[31:14] While LA is using the internet.

[31:15] They don't want to choose your own adventure movie.

[31:17] No.

[31:17] They want a movie that tells them a story and they can forget about their life.

Dan McCoy

[31:22] I think that because we are talking about a...

[31:25] I think it was called Mr. Payback.

[31:26] I'm going to look it up.

[31:27] We're talking...

[31:27] That sounds right.

[31:28] Yeah.

[31:29] Because we were talking about a movie for very small children,

[31:32] there's not actually a lot of depth we can get into.

[31:35] I think we should move on.

[31:36] Sure.

[31:36] Good, good movie.

[31:37] Let's go on.

[31:38] 100%.

Elliott Kalan

[31:38] I think it's a hard movie to describe and go over...

[31:41] Final judgments.

[31:42] ...when you're not watching it with us.

[31:43] Yeah.

[31:44] Because it's so stupid.

Dan McCoy

[31:45] Everything that happens is arbitrary.

[31:47] Yeah.

[31:48] Is this a good, bad movie?

[31:49] A bad, bad movie?

[31:50] Or a movie you kind of like?

[31:51] Stuart, what do you have to say for yourself?

Stuart Wellington

[31:53] My review is based on whether or not I think any human beings that are...

[31:59] I mean, maybe a little kid would like it,

[32:00] but I would say it's a bad, bad movie for anybody but the littlest of children.

Elliott Kalan

[32:05] Yeah.

[32:05] If you are of an age when you can operate under your own body parts, I guess,

[32:11] then this movie is too young for you.

[32:13] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[32:14] Yeah.

[32:14] I would say this is a bad, bad movie with the caveat that if you were drunk or stoned,

[32:20] this is probably exactly what you want to watch.

[32:24] Yeah.

[32:24] If you're stoned, you might really enjoy this.

Elliott Kalan

[32:26] I think if you are stoned or one years old, you would like this.

[32:29] Otherwise, it would be excruciating.

Dan McCoy

[32:31] Put it on the VHS tape.

[32:34] Not a DVD.

[32:36] Put it out in VHS.

[32:37] Put it out in VHS.

[32:37] If you were stoned or one, this is the movie for you.

[32:40] Or a stoned one-year-old.

Elliott Kalan

[32:42] If you are high and you and your one-year-old want to bond, put on the Oogie Loves movie.

[32:46] You can dance and sing to your heart's content.

[32:48] And yes, the movie I was thinking of was called Mr. Payback.

[32:51] Well, there you go.

Stuart Wellington

[32:52] Starring Christoph Lloyd.

Elliott Kalan

[32:55] Christoph Lloyd.

[32:55] So do we all agree bad, bad movie?

[32:57] Or, Stuart, I know when you lay down in despair during the movie on the floor,

[33:01] that's because you liked it, right?

[33:02] Face down.

Dan McCoy

[33:03] Face down on the floor.

Elliott Kalan

[33:05] Never have I seen it.

[33:06] Facing away from the screen, might I add.

Stuart Wellington

[33:08] It was not just that the movie was bad, but it was telling me I had to do things.

Elliott Kalan

[33:14] Yeah, it's one thing to let a bad movie just wash over you.

[33:16] I'm not going to throw you my kisses.

Stuart Wellington

[33:17] You have not earned that movie.

Dan McCoy

[33:21] So before we get into other plugs, I'd like to quickly plug something on behalf of two out of three of the Flophouse wives.

[33:31] This podcast will actually be going up one day probably in front of the Oscars,

[33:37] so you don't have a lot of time to take advantage of this.

[33:40] But my wife, Sarah.

Stuart Wellington

[33:44] Last name withheld.

[33:45] This is the screening of the movie Oscar with Sylvester Sloan.

Dan McCoy

[33:48] Close.

[33:49] And Kirk Douglas.

[33:51] She's organizing an Oscar pool to help fund, number one, cancer research.

[33:59] But number two, her taking part in a triathlon where the funding goes to cancer research.

[34:06] It costs $20 to enter this Oscar pool.

[34:10] Details on submitting ballots will be on the Flophouse webpage.

[34:15] But basically, why can't I get to the email address?

[34:20] All right, there's an email address.

[34:22] It's...

[34:24] You're losing them.

[34:25] At the Flophouse.

[34:26] Just go to the Flophouse podcast at theflophousepodcast.com.

[34:31] You'll text everybody the details later.

Elliott Kalan

[34:33] Are you making this up as you go along?

[34:36] Just go to oogieloves at oscarballot.edu.gov slash internet.

Dan McCoy

[34:42] For some reason, it's not in my email.

[34:44] I sent it to myself.

[34:44] It's not in my email.

[34:46] Go to the Flophouse podcast webpage, which is the Flophouse podcast.com.

[34:49] This is the biggest twist I've ever seen on the Flophouse.

[34:52] The Flophouse.

Stuart Wellington

[34:53] The mystery of the missing email.

Dan McCoy

[34:56] There will be...

[34:56] Everyone's a suspect.

[34:57] I think it was Lulu the cat.

[35:00] Jesus Christ, guys.

[35:01] Come on.

[35:01] I'm trying to do this thing, and you're actually...

[35:05] We're ruining it.

[35:06] Hold on.

[35:07] It's oscarpooltnt at gmail.com.

[35:13] oscarpooltnt at gmail.com.

[35:15] The TNT does not stand for the network.

[35:17] It stands for Team and Training, which is the group...

[35:20] Team and Training?

[35:22] That Sarah's doing the triathlon with.

[35:24] So, there's a...

[35:26] It's dynamite.

[35:28] I will put up a link to the ballots on the Flophouse page, and the winner will get a cash

[35:35] prize to be announced at a viewing party at Charlene's Bar.

Elliott Kalan

[35:39] In Brooklyn.

[35:39] And what else is going on in that party at Charlene's Bar?

[35:41] On Sunday...

Dan McCoy

[35:43] I mean, I'm going to be there drinking, probably.

[35:44] No.

[35:45] It's like there's a holiday.

[35:48] No, that's the day before.

[35:49] That's the day...

[35:49] Jesus Christ.

[35:50] I'm trying to get through a whole thing, and you guys are slowing me down.

Stuart Wellington

[35:54] A movie podcast.

[35:56] Here are the bullet points.

Dan McCoy

[35:58] Oscar pool.

[35:59] Charlene's Bar.

[36:01] Brooklyn.

[36:02] Sunday.

[36:02] 2-24.

[36:05] $20 to enter.

[36:06] There will be a link on the Flophouse page for the ballot.

[36:09] You don't need to be in New York City to enter.

[36:12] This helps my wife reach her fundraising goals to participate in a triathlon with Team and

[36:17] Training, and helps Stuart's wife make money to feed the Flophouse house cat.

[36:21] All proceeds go to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

[36:23] Feed them booze.

[36:24] And you know that Gus from Don't Tell It to Me...

[36:27] Don't Tell It to Me was a survivor of Hodgkin's disease, so they could be saving a Lobo

[36:31] Meringue by donating money to Team and Training.

[36:35] And now that we're done with that...

Elliott Kalan

[36:36] If you had it all written down, why didn't you just read it off?

[36:38] Classic.

Dan McCoy

[36:38] I was trying to.

[36:39] You kept fucking interrupting me.

[36:41] With unrelated things.

[36:43] Like the Purim party, which is the day before.

Stuart Wellington

[36:46] And the day that we're releasing this podcast, so people probably won't be able to get a

[36:49] costume put together.

[36:50] They gotta rush out.

Dan McCoy

[36:51] Oh, God.

[36:52] That was a fucking mess.

Stuart Wellington

[36:54] What a tragedy.

[36:57] Now what do we do?

[36:58] Hey, I'm gonna blame on the movie list.

[36:59] Should we plug our network?

[37:01] Yeah, I think we should.

Dan McCoy

[37:02] Dan?

[37:04] I've got a few All Things Comedy plugs.

[37:06] Ari Shaffir's comedy special, Passive Aggressive, is available at chill.com slash Ari Shaffir

[37:13] for $5 under the self-distributed model that is so popular among comedians these days.

[37:21] And you've got The Bitter Buddha, a film starring Eddie Pepitone, is coming to theaters

[37:27] and video on demand on February 19th, featuring many of Eddie Pepitone's friends, like Patton

[37:33] Oswalt, Sarah Silverman, and Zach Galifianakis.

[37:36] You can find the trailer for The Bitter Buddha on YouTube.

[37:40] So those are a few plugs on behalf of our friends over at All Things Comedy.

Stuart Wellington

[37:43] You can find the video on demand so you can just watch it at home.

[37:45] Yep.

[37:46] You don't even have to get dressed up nice.

Elliott Kalan

[37:48] Yeah.

[37:49] Yeah, you don't have to put on a tuxedo like you normally would.

Dan McCoy

[37:51] Or a tuxedo, as Stuart often does.

[37:54] Yeah.

[37:54] From watching.

Stuart Wellington

[37:56] Why the fuck not?

[37:57] So now what do we do?

Dan McCoy

[37:58] He's in his own home.

Elliott Kalan

[38:00] Now we...

[38:00] What happens next, Dan?

[38:01] We interrupt you some more?

Stuart Wellington

[38:02] Do we have to watch The Oogie Loves again?

Elliott Kalan

[38:05] Because I'd say no.

[38:06] I think it's time for us to go on a big balloon adventure.

[38:09] To letters.

Dan McCoy

[38:10] This is where we talk about letters that we received.

[38:13] The Flophouse movie mailbag, if you will.

Elliott Kalan

[38:15] Letter time at the Flophouse.

[38:18] Letter time.

[38:19] With all of us.

[38:20] It's your friends.

[38:21] Stuart, Elliot, and Dan.

[38:23] Not real friends of yours.

[38:25] You just listen to us talk about movies.

[38:27] Pretend we're your friends.

[38:28] Whatever.

[38:29] It doesn't matter.

[38:31] But we're great guys.

[38:32] Except when we belittle you, the listener.

[38:35] Which was right now.

Stuart Wellington

[38:36] It's one of the three different ways.

[38:37] It's letter time.

[38:38] It's really one of the three different ways our fans can let us know how they feel about our show.

[38:42] One is on our Facebook page.

[38:44] One is with letters.

[38:44] Join the Facebook page.

[38:45] And one is just complaining about us or other bad movie podcasts on the Onion AV Club's commentary.

Elliott Kalan

[38:50] So if you've heard about that, there's three ways to get in touch with us.

[38:52] One Facebook page.

[38:54] That's where you go if it's a positive comment.

[38:55] Two letters.

[38:56] That can go either way.

[38:57] And three AV Club comment section.

[38:59] That's if you hate us.

[39:00] So, uh.

[39:01] Letter time.

[39:02] It's the letters for you.

[39:03] And for you.

[39:07] I think he's stuck.

Dan McCoy

[39:09] Letters.

[39:10] Oogie Loves Edition.

[39:11] This letter's titled, Seriously Bros, Let's Get Serious.

[39:15] It's from a gentleman called Butt McFarterson.

[39:18] I think that's probably.

[39:19] Hard to get serious when that's the guy you're getting the letter from.

[39:23] Hey, Duters.

[39:24] I'm a big fan of your podcast.

[39:25] It's funny and shit.

[39:27] Dan McCoy is a pretty cool pervozoid who loves boobs.

[39:29] Which is rad.

[39:30] And Stuart.

[39:31] Did I write this when I was drunk?

[39:34] But I've got a real question for you guys.

[39:36] So, nothing for me.

[39:37] No description for me.

[39:38] I've got.

[39:39] Because you're a dweeb.

[39:40] I've got a real question for you guys.

[39:42] What's up with Elliot?

[39:43] Uh-oh.

[39:43] He tells hundreds of terrible jokes all the time.

[39:45] He's a riffer.

[39:46] It works well once an episode.

[39:48] But how do you guys keep from sneaking into the locker room during classes, breaking into

[39:52] his locker and snapping his glasses?

[39:53] You know we're not kids, right?

[39:55] Is it because he got you all jobs?

[39:57] Is it because he broke both his legs climbing a mountain?

[40:01] Does he have imminent death syndrome?

[40:03] Does he always buy the Popeyes?

[40:04] Because if I have to hear him bash Dan's terrible joke telling abilities before immediately spinning

[40:09] around and telling terrible jokes one more time, I will lose my shit violently in my pants.

[40:15] Wow.

[40:16] That's from Butt McFarger.

[40:17] I mean, it's hard for me to.

Stuart Wellington

[40:18] Sounds like his ancestor's job was losing their shit in their pants.

Elliott Kalan

[40:22] Yes.

[40:23] Son of, Parker.

[40:25] I mean, right now the stakes are very low for me to stop making fun of Dan telling jokes

[40:30] since all that's going to happen is Butt McFarger is going to poop in his own pants.

Dan McCoy

[40:34] So I think I'm just going to keep going until you give me a better offer.

Elliott Kalan

[40:38] I do not appreciate how I'm criticized in that email.

[40:42] Yeah.

[40:43] Well.

[40:43] At least attack my songs.

[40:45] I know they're not very good.

Stuart Wellington

[40:46] This.

[40:47] It's a technique called negging.

[40:49] You use one picking up a girl.

[40:51] Oh, and now I'm really interested in him.

[40:52] Yeah, maybe he's just trying to draw your attention.

Elliott Kalan

[40:55] Consider it.

[40:56] I'm going to learn more about this McFarger's fellow.

Dan McCoy

[40:59] Next email is titled Secret Alliance.

[41:02] It's from Matt, last name withheld.

[41:05] Mike Herman.

[41:06] Dear Elliot, Dan, and Stuart.

[41:09] Two of you have secretly been in an alliance to remove the third from the podcast.

[41:13] Please synchronously reveal to the third that he has been voted off the podcast.

[41:18] So that's from Matt.

[41:19] Stuart.

[41:20] It seems pretty clear.

Elliott Kalan

[41:22] I mean, we don't bring anyone else.

[41:23] I mean, we're in cahoots with Al Magical, right?

[41:27] Yeah, Al Magical.

Stuart Wellington

[41:28] Yeah, he's going to take over my spot.

Elliott Kalan

[41:29] And ring his new character, the house owl.

Stuart Wellington

[41:31] Woo-hoo!

[41:32] Yeah, I got some other irons in the fire.

[41:35] I got some TV I want to catch up on.

[41:37] It's got nothing to do.

[41:38] It's going on on Good Wife.

Dan McCoy

[41:39] It's just Al has what we call star quality.

[41:42] Yeah.

[41:42] Wow.

[41:43] Wow.

[41:43] No, he brings name value.

[41:46] Star quality.

Elliott Kalan

[41:47] That's what it's called, right?

[41:48] SQ, yeah.

[41:50] Well, Stuart, this isn't the way we want you to find out.

[41:52] Is this my last one?

[41:53] This is, unfortunately, this is time for your review.

[41:56] Let's take a look at how you've been doing so far this year.

Stuart Wellington

[41:58] Could have told me before we watched you who he loves.

[42:00] Nope.

Elliott Kalan

[42:01] So let's take a look.

[42:03] On a scale from one to ten, how would you rate yourself in the area of movie riffing?

[42:08] Probably a two.

[42:09] No, I think you'd get at least a three.

[42:10] Okay.

[42:11] Okay, now in the area of recommending the same movies over and over again, one to ten.

Stuart Wellington

[42:15] I'd probably only say a one.

[42:16] I don't do that very often.

[42:17] Ten plus.

Elliott Kalan

[42:18] Okay, now boob appreciation from one to ten.

Stuart Wellington

[42:22] I'd probably say a negative four.

Elliott Kalan

[42:24] Actually, a negative seven.

Stuart Wellington

[42:25] Oh, wow.

[42:26] You are gay, it turns out.

[42:29] Okay, well, you guys want to go on a date?

[42:31] Sure.

[42:32] Well, you're back in the group.

Dan McCoy

[42:33] That's all we wanted.

[42:36] We're both simultaneously super accepting of our homosexual date with Stuart and super

[42:43] accepting of polyamory, apparently.

Elliott Kalan

[42:45] Hey, look, it's the 21st century.

[42:47] Time to get with it.

[42:48] We're all going to be married in space someday.

[42:50] It's like an Alan Moore comic book.

[42:51] Let's go.

[42:53] Here's your space ring.

[42:54] Yep.

[42:54] We're just like Alan Quatermain and Mina Marie and Orlando having a three-part relationship.

Stuart Wellington

[43:00] Just like the original authors intended.

[43:05] Maybe Virginia Woolf intended.

Dan McCoy

[43:07] This is titled Metal Up Your Ass.

[43:11] Hey, oh, the original title of the first Metallica album.

[43:13] It's from Eric, last name withheld.

[43:16] He says, dear floppers, I just listened to the Rock of Ages podcast and enjoyed hearing

[43:19] Elliot's two references to the 80s output of Metallica, along with his desire to have heard

[43:25] Motorhead's classic Ace of Spades sung by the stars of Hollywood.

Elliott Kalan

[43:29] No, I didn't want them to sing it.

[43:30] I wanted Motorhead, I wanted Lemmy to sing it.

Stuart Wellington

[43:32] He's a star of Hollywood.

[43:33] Continue.

Dan McCoy

[43:34] Before.

[43:35] I'll allow it.

[43:37] Before, I thought Elliot was an annoying noise.

[43:40] What is it?

[43:42] Oh, man.

[43:43] Would you cultivate just a selection of Elliot bashing letters?

[43:45] He's been slowly working on this one.

[43:47] But now, after seeing his closet metalhead come out, I feel I have an honest kinship

[43:52] with him.

[43:52] Oh, thank you.

[43:53] What are, in order, Elliot's five favorite metal albums from the 80s?

[43:57] You can count 1990 as part of the decade if you want to squeeze either Megadeth's High

[44:01] Point, for me at least, Rust in Peace, or Slayer's Seasons of the Abyss onto your list.

[44:06] Sincerely, Eric's last name withheld.

Elliott Kalan

[44:08] Well, Eric, that's an interesting question.

[44:10] Not having any off the top of my head, I'll just say off the top of my head, well, you

[44:13] gotta have Kill Em All by Metallica, then you gotta have Ride the Lightning by Metallica.

[44:19] I think maybe Power Slave by Iron Maiden.

Stuart Wellington

[44:22] I think that might be 90s, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[44:23] No, it's 80s, I think.

Stuart Wellington

[44:26] Although I do remember my mom playing Rime of the Ancient Mariner for me.

Elliott Kalan

[44:30] And you were just a wee lad.

[44:32] Yep.

[44:33] And let's say the 80s songs that are on Megadeth's Greatest Hits album, with

[44:39] some of their 90s songs sprinkled in there.

Stuart Wellington

[44:41] Sure.

[44:41] And probably, and you're missing Bathory's Under the Sign of the Black Mark, of course.

Elliott Kalan

[44:45] And of course, since we've said 80s, it outlaws one of my other favorites, which is

[44:49] Judas Priest's live album, Unleashed in the East.

Stuart Wellington

[44:51] Okay.

[44:52] So we got a bunch.

[44:53] Mm-hmm.

Dan McCoy

[44:54] That was the Flophouse Metal Quartz.

Elliott Kalan

[44:56] Flophouse Metal Mailbag.

[44:58] Thanks, Eric.

[44:59] For any other metal questions, for me or Stuart, just write in.

[45:02] Dan will answer questions about 80s pop hits.

Dan McCoy

[45:05] I mean, I've got, you know, I can...

[45:07] He's got a little bit of an edge.

[45:08] Come on, dude.

[45:08] Yeah, that's true.

[45:09] I can do punk and post-punk music.

[45:10] There you go, yeah.

[45:11] Just on Metal Guy.

Elliott Kalan

[45:13] Metal Guy was the name of a superhero that we briefly tried to pitch.

Stuart Wellington

[45:17] It was when somebody, when Superman was dead for a while.

[45:20] Yeah.

[45:20] So we needed a guy who was kind of cool, but not as cool.

[45:23] So we called him Metal Guy.

Elliott Kalan

[45:24] Metal Guy.

[45:25] And they stole the idea and made it steal.

[45:27] We did pitch the idea of Shaquille O'Neal being his true identity.

[45:30] Yeah, exactly.

[45:31] Not the actor playing him, but the, actually, he is Shaquille O'Neal, the basketball player.

Stuart Wellington

[45:34] Yeah, he was much more successful in real life than he was a superhero.

Dan McCoy

[45:39] This next email is titled Ding Dong Gate Revisited.

[45:44] Sorry.

[45:45] We have to reopen that chapter.

[45:46] I'm sorry about that.

Stuart Wellington

[45:47] Flop history.

[45:49] New evidence comes to light, I'm sure.

[45:51] Let's see.

Elliott Kalan

[45:51] So the theme of this is bashing Elliot, so how are they going to pin Ding Dong Gate on me?

Dan McCoy

[45:54] Okay, this email is from Jerry T. Robot.

[45:57] I assume the T stands for the.

[45:58] It has to.

[46:00] Or Thaddeus.

[46:01] And he says, hi, floppers.

[46:03] I just re-listened to your Passion Play podcast, and I wanted to weigh in on the raging controversy

[46:08] that is Ding Dong Gate.

Stuart Wellington

[46:09] Stuart's right.

[46:10] Everybody else is dumb.

[46:11] Awesome.

Dan McCoy

[46:12] First, while it is true that Giorgio totally bites off a prostitute's tit,

[46:17] he also bites off a police officer's eye and cheek, literally eats that prostitute out

[46:22] to death, and possibly also eats the skin of a cat.

[46:27] Second, contrary to Dan's recollection, Giorgio's penis is fully attached to his body throughout

[46:32] the film.

[46:33] I don't think that's true.

[46:35] We're going to have to go frame by frame, people.

[46:36] Frame by frame.

[46:37] Although it is admittedly disfigured.

[46:40] I'm surprised such an observation.

[46:41] Almost freakish.

[46:43] I'm surprised such an observation.

[46:45] Almost castle-y.

[46:47] Escaped Dan's renowned perv-view.

[46:50] Well, look, I, you know.

[46:51] Hilarious.

[46:51] It's a heterosexual perv-view, but thank you.

Elliott Kalan

[46:53] Dan, sexuality is on a scale.

[46:57] It's very fluid.

[46:58] And yours is extremely fluid.

[46:59] Mm-hmm.

Stuart Wellington

[47:00] Yeah, it's like something out of a Clive Barker novel, am I right?

Elliott Kalan

[47:02] Yeah, exactly.

[47:03] Boom.

[47:03] High five.

[47:04] Go-gurt.

Dan McCoy

[47:05] And third, prior to Giorgio's romantic interlude with Silvana, the aforementioned prostitute,

[47:10] he rips off his own thumb in order to free himself from his shackles.

[47:14] This is where I think the initial confusion began oh so many years ago, because Giorgio's

[47:19] body is so gross that his discarded thumb kind of looks like a little ding-dong.

[47:24] Having hopefully shed some light on this controversy, I'd like to address a larger thematic concern,

[47:28] the way your podcast generally treats Castle Freak.

[47:31] The Flophouse treats CF as if it's some kind of horror movie.

[47:35] Quite the contrary.

[47:36] Castle Freak is a heartwarming coming-of-age story of a blind girl, the Castle Freak she

[47:43] loved, and the society that refused to accept their unconventional relationship.

[47:47] In the end, the titular freak and the father of our heroine lay dead next to each other.

[47:52] It becomes clear to all that the only freak in the movie is society's rigid understanding

[47:58] of class and gender roles.

[47:59] Yeah, it's a real Johnny Belinda remake.

[48:01] A timeless call for tolerance.

[48:04] Keep up the great work.

[48:04] Best podcast around, Jerry T. Robot.

Stuart Wellington

[48:07] And the Academy Award for Best Animated Feature goes to Castle Freak.

Elliott Kalan

[48:11] Sweet!

[48:12] I mean, the original title was Children of a Lesser God to Castle Freak.

[48:17] To the Castle Freak?

[48:19] Oh, man.

[48:19] So, Stuart, what do you have to say to that?

Stuart Wellington

[48:21] Well, you know, I think I'm right still, but I've been wrong in the past.

Elliott Kalan

[48:25] Flophouse listeners, if anyone knows Stuart Gordon, get him to weigh in on this issue.

Stuart Wellington

[48:30] Have him come over to Dan's house.

[48:32] I will provide the beer.

[48:34] Elliot will provide the chicken.

[48:35] And Dan will provide, I guess, a couch?

Elliott Kalan

[48:38] Yeah, a couch or two.

[48:41] So, Stuart Gordon.

[48:42] Stuart Gordon.

[48:43] Weigh in on Ding Dong Gate, which is apparently back again.

Dan McCoy

[48:46] Yeah, I never left, man.

Elliott Kalan

[48:49] I never left.

Stuart Wellington

[48:50] This is probably our most organized podcast we've ever done.

Elliott Kalan

[48:53] Yeah, Oogie Loves has a way of doing that.

[48:55] It's like a neutron bomb being shot into your brain.

Stuart Wellington

[49:01] And Oogie Loves was the least successful film in history, right?

Elliott Kalan

[49:05] Well, least, worst opening for a movie appearing on 2,000 screens or more.

Stuart Wellington

[49:10] So, it beat Delgo.

Elliott Kalan

[49:12] It beat Delgo.

[49:12] Former Flophouse fave, Delgo.

[49:15] And it won't, according to Wikipedia at least, the amount that it made was roughly equal to $47 per theater that weekend.

[49:24] Does that include popcorn sales?

[49:25] I have to assume it's just ticket sales.

[49:28] I assume it's not popcorn.

[49:30] What about nacho sales?

[49:31] I assume no popcorn was sold.

[49:33] Because one, you're going to be getting up and dancing.

[49:35] The popcorn's going to be flying out of the box.

[49:36] Sure, or choking you.

[49:39] Two, who's going to do the popcorn trick in an Oogie Loves screening?

[49:42] That's disgusting.

[49:44] And three, I don't know.

[49:46] But the numbers come out to is that average number of people per screening of Oogie Loves was about 1.8 or something like that.

[49:55] Less than 2 people per screening.

[49:56] Is the .8 like a kid?

[49:57] I think they're just averaging out.

[49:59] Oh, okay.

[50:00] Well, the final email.

[50:01] So, if you saw Oogie Loves in the theater, it's very likely you were the only person in the theater or you had one other person with you.

Stuart Wellington

[50:07] And you should count yourself kind of lucky.

[50:09] Like, you were part of an elite group that saw that movie as it was intended.

Elliott Kalan

[50:13] When I found – there's a Japanese – oh, no, sorry.

[50:14] Not Japanese.

[50:15] There's a Chinese movie called Devils on the Doorstep that I saw when it ran at Film Forum for like a week or two, a couple weeks.

[50:22] And there was an AV Club article about it where they mentioned that on its American release it made $16,000.

[50:27] And it made me feel really special that I was part of this tiny group that saw this movie.

[50:31] Like a Kickstarter.

[50:32] Yeah, basically it was like we were the Kickstarter for the American, you know, translation of this movie.

[50:38] But anyway, I realized by watching the movie The Three of Us with a Cat in one room, this might be the largest audience that the Oogie Loves movie ever played to.

Dan McCoy

[50:47] Largest single group.

[50:48] All right.

[50:49] Well, let's close out the mailbag with this last email.

Elliott Kalan

[50:51] Closing up the mailbag.

[50:53] Sip it tight.

[50:54] Don't let those letters out.

[50:56] You already delayed it with –

[50:56] Letters want to jump and scream and shout, but zip up the mailbag, keep them in.

[51:02] Suffocate them.

[51:03] Makes it easier to bury them.

[51:07] Mailbag murder.

[51:08] Murder those letters in the mailbag.

Stuart Wellington

[51:11] The Mailbag Murders.

[51:12] Starring Carrie Elwes.

Elliott Kalan

[51:14] Sounds like a case for jazz.

Dan McCoy

[51:16] So this final –

[51:18] Sorry, Carrie Elwes as the mail.

Stuart Wellington

[51:20] As the mail, jazz is on the case.

Dan McCoy

[51:23] Finally a mail's title.

Stuart Wellington

[51:24] After he bought that magical saxophone off that gypsy.

Dan McCoy

[51:28] This final email that we may not have time for anymore is titled, Why I'm Never Listening to Stewart Again.

[51:33] Yeah, we probably don't have time for this.

Elliott Kalan

[51:35] No, I think we need to hear fine of this.

[51:37] Is it Ding Dong related?

Dan McCoy

[51:38] It's from Ryan, last name with hell.

[51:40] He writes,

[51:42] I was recently visiting my parents and decided to peruse through the on-demand section of their cable provider.

[51:47] I stumbled upon one section with a completely nondescript title I've already forgotten.

[51:52] It contained a possibly endless list of films.

[51:56] I was in the low 1000s by the time I hit movies beginning with the letter H.

[52:02] And as far as I could tell, it was a compendium of seen-by-nobody B-movies from the 80s and 90s.

[52:10] With an odd sprinkling of significantly more well-received films, such as Capote and Field of Dreams.

[52:15] What caught my eye, though, was a certain film called Head of the Family Unrated Edition.

[52:21] I don't think I've ever had the displeasure of sitting through such a horrendous plotting disaster that left me more confused than terrified.

[52:30] I don't know what is different in the unrated version, but I suspect it has something to do with the endless deluge of Jacqueline Lavelle nude scenes.

[52:42] I dread the day when I am startled by the sudden appearance of Invisible Maniac or Castle Freak in my life.

[52:49] Regards, Ryan.

Elliott Kalan

[52:51] This is, I think, the first complaint we've had off of a recommendation.

[52:54] Well, um...

[52:55] Stuart, your rebuttal?

[52:57] Uh, well, I guess I've earned that.

Dan McCoy

[53:00] I have to say, if someone's complaining about endless Jacqueline Lavelle nude scenes, I don't know what's wrong.

Elliott Kalan

[53:05] Yeah, then there's nothing we can do to help you.

[53:07] You want something else than we can offer.

Stuart Wellington

[53:11] Head of the Family is a totally stupid movie.

Dan McCoy

[53:15] So you're saying it's not totally scarifying.

[53:18] Or snorifying.

Stuart Wellington

[53:19] Unless you're totally spookified by a giant, melon-headed, telepathic, I guess, enemy?

[53:30] Well, like M.O.D.O.K.

[53:31] Yeah, like, he's basically a M.O.D.O.K.

Dan McCoy

[53:32] He's basically a cut-rate M.O.D.O.K.

[53:34] Head of the Family is for someone who enjoys the idea that there's a giant head...

[53:40] Of the Family.

[53:41] ...who is the head of the Family.

Stuart Wellington

[53:42] And if you mess with the head, you're dead.

[53:44] I mean, the fucking box tells us all the...

[53:47] It's right on the poster.

[53:48] ...what it says on the poster.

[53:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[53:50] Yeah, mess with the head and you're dead.

[53:51] And Jacqueline Lavelle takes her clothes off.

[53:53] Now...

[53:53] Come on, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[53:55] I know of you guys...

[53:56] This movie has it all.

[53:57] When you're visiting your parents, you sometimes want to be taken to a different world.

[54:02] In this case, you want to be taken to a world where there's a head...

Dan McCoy

[54:06] And didn't you mess with said head?

[54:08] What happens to you?

Stuart Wellington

[54:09] You'll end up being dead.

[54:11] I don't know what you're asking for.

[54:12] Yeah, the titular head.

[54:15] When our listeners are considering one of our recommendations to watch, okay?

[54:21] If you want to feel smarter, more enriched by the experience, you go with maybe an Elliot

[54:26] recommendation.

[54:26] Yeah, come on.

[54:27] A life of a horror.

[54:27] Put on your fucking black and white movie watching glasses and watch one Elliot's.

[54:31] Just glasses if you need them.

[54:32] When you're on a plane, you watch one of fucking Dan's.

[54:36] And when you're probably pretty drunk and you're annoyed that you're staying with your

[54:40] parents and you're in the basement, you watch one of Stuart's.

[54:43] I think it's pretty fucking clear.

[54:45] I think that is clear.

[54:45] I think you made a great point.

[54:46] You fucking bake up some pizza rolls.

[54:48] 100% to break that.

[54:50] Scorn some Go-Gurt on your pizza rolls.

Dan McCoy

[54:53] You stuff your face.

[54:54] Yeah.

[54:55] Have a snack.

[54:56] Watch the way to the family.

Elliott Kalan

[54:57] It's like a one-man party.

[55:00] And you see an invisible head rip his ding-dong off.

Stuart Wellington

[55:05] Yeah.

[55:06] Fair enough.

[55:07] That leads us to movie recommendations.

[55:09] And tonight, I'm going to recommend Head of the Invisible Freak.

[55:17] Okay?

[55:18] Why have a castle when you're a maniac?

Elliott Kalan

[55:20] Am I right?

[55:21] I want to believe that you...

[55:22] That's a pretty good title for a movie, though, by the way.

[55:23] The Head of the Invisible Freak.

[55:24] That you created that movie just by editing the other three movies together.

[55:29] The same way a friend of mine years ago told me about how he edited all three RoboCop movies

[55:34] into one movie.

[55:35] And I thought that he had, like, intercut the scenes.

[55:38] But all he did was he stopped the movies before the credits and then put up a title that said

[55:42] Three Years Later.

Dan McCoy

[55:46] Genius.

[55:47] That's his genius fucking editing job.

Elliott Kalan

[55:51] It's like one movie.

[55:52] So RoboCop ends, fade out.

[55:54] Three years later, RoboCop 2 starts.

[55:56] Good work, Vera Fields.

[56:00] Oh, man.

[56:00] So you're recommending what now?

[56:02] Oh, I don't know.

[56:03] Oogie Loves?

Stuart Wellington

[56:04] You go.

[56:05] It's your turn.

[56:05] Wait, hold on.

[56:07] I was going to pass it off.

[56:08] I don't really have one this week.

[56:09] Okay.

[56:09] You don't have one.

[56:12] I mean, I would recommend...

[56:13] So watching Oogie Loves, it reminds me of movies with puppets that I really like.

[56:19] So I'd recommend Meet the Feebles probably again.

Dan McCoy

[56:22] Now, what's the age group for that?

Stuart Wellington

[56:24] Two?

[56:24] Meet the Feebles?

Dan McCoy

[56:25] Yeah, probably four or five-year-olds.

[56:27] Meet the Feebles.

[56:28] I would say I recommend ages 18 to 24.

[56:33] And high.

Elliott Kalan

[56:34] So it's a strange movie where the recommended age is high.

Stuart Wellington

[56:37] Peter Jackson's puppet-based horror show.

[56:41] Yeah.

[56:42] So Meet the Feebles.

[56:43] That's a pretty good recommendation.

[56:43] Yeah, sure.

Dan McCoy

[56:45] I would like to recommend two movies.

[56:47] As I was saying to Elliot on the train, they represent the entire spectrum of film going.

[56:53] On one side of the spectrum, I would like to recommend Santa Sangre by Alejandro Jodorowsky.

[57:00] I fucking hate that guy.

[57:01] Jodorowsky.

[57:02] The guy who did The Holy Mountain and El Topo.

[57:05] What an asshole.

[57:07] Almost directed Dune, but it didn't get off the ground.

[57:10] So Stuart objects, and we'll get into that in a second.

Stuart Wellington

[57:12] I don't object with his movies.

[57:13] He's just an asshole.

[57:14] Is he?

[57:15] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[57:16] Personally?

[57:16] Yeah, I'd read some interviews with him.

[57:18] You'll be shocked.

[57:19] It's Vincent Gallo times 10.

[57:21] Whoa.

Dan McCoy

[57:21] So I would recommend that movie on the one side of the film going spectrum, and the other

[57:26] side, I recommend Pitch Perfect, the K-Cannon-written movie about acapella singers starring,

[57:36] what's her face from up in the air?

[57:38] Abigail Anna Kendrick.

[57:39] Anna Kendrick.

[57:40] Abigail Kendrick.

[57:42] Abigail Anna Kendrick.

[57:44] So if you want sort of a cross between a Almodovar movie and a David Lynch film that's

[57:52] kind of a weird circus-themed horror film.

[57:56] Pitch Perfect it is.

[57:58] Then watch Santa Sangre.

[58:00] And if you want a goofy, light acapella comedy starring a lot of cute ladies that doesn't

[58:08] necessarily add up to any sort of plot that makes sense, but is a pleasant viewing experience,

[58:13] watch Pitch Perfect.

Elliott Kalan

[58:14] So that's, if you want to know what it's like to be in Dan McCoy's head all the time,

[58:18] watch a double feature of Santa Sangre.

[58:20] It's a fight.

[58:21] It's a fight.

[58:21] All the time.

[58:24] Who's winning?

[58:25] Who knows?

[58:26] We all know.

[58:27] Whoever wins, we lose.

[58:32] That's on the poster for Dan's head?

[58:34] Yeah.

[58:35] For Dan's head, the movie.

[58:36] Dan's head of the family.

[58:36] Dan's head of the, invisible Dan's head of the family castle.

[58:41] I will recommend a movie then because it's my turn to do that.

[58:44] Sure.

[58:45] I'm going to recommend a movie I don't think I recommended before.

[58:50] It's a Milos Forman movie called Taking Off.

[58:54] This is a movie that he made.

[58:56] It may have been his first American movie now that I think about it, actually.

[59:00] He made it in the early 70s about two parents.

[59:05] Buck Henry is the dad, and I don't remember who plays the mom,

[59:08] whose daughter runs off, and they try to find her,

[59:12] but really what they're doing is kind of bumping up against their own inability to be stable adults

[59:20] and kind of to be parents who understand their kid

[59:23] and the way they kind of reach the limits of their own, what's it called?

[59:29] Social order.

[59:30] I don't know how to put it.

[59:31] It's a very funny movie, and I'm describing it in a way that's not funny.

[59:33] And it's intercut with scenes from what I guess is supposed to be like an open mic audition

[59:38] for a number of various young people singing different songs.

[59:43] And among one of them is a very young Kathy Bates who sings a song I guess she wrote

[59:47] because she's credited with it.

[59:49] That's a bizarre folk song that involves winged horses.

[59:53] But it's a very funny movie and a very touching movie,

[59:55] and it's a movie that kind of gets across better than other movies I've seen,

[1:00:00] what that generation gap must have been like between the baby boomer generation and their parents,

[1:00:05] but from the point of view of the parents at a time when the audience's sympathies were pretty much always with the kids.

[1:00:11] And it's a really good movie.

[1:00:13] Now this movie is out of print on video, and it's never been released on DVD.

[1:00:17] Okay, so we can't see it.

[1:00:18] No, wrong.

[1:00:19] Because, and I normally wouldn't recommend it this way, but the whole movie is up on YouTube in one video.

[1:00:24] So if you do a YouTube search for taking off 1971, the entire movie is in one video in pretty good quality actually, video-wise.

[1:00:32] And that's how I watched it because it's hard to see otherwise unless it's playing in a repertory theater near you,

[1:00:38] a revival theater.

[1:00:39] But it's really good, and it's a very like touching movie that's also funny

[1:00:43] and feels the closest I can think of of like a Czech New Wave movie made in the United States.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:49] And if it's on YouTube, you can just watch it at work or something, right?

[1:00:52] Yeah, yeah, just watch it at work on a phone.

[1:00:54] And then when you're done, watch that video of those kids who had just watched The Odd Life of Timothy Green freaking out

[1:00:58] because that's hilarious.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:59] Yeah, I mean you can watch that cat that plays the keyboard.

[1:01:02] They are so sad about Timothy Green dying.

[1:01:04] You can watch any video you want.

[1:01:05] It's YouTube.

[1:01:06] But first I'd say watch this one.

[1:01:08] And one of the things I like about it that I'll mention is there are a lot of people in it who do not have what you would think of as movie faces.

[1:01:14] They have like regular real-life faces.

[1:01:17] And it's a thing that movies used to have a lot more of, and now you almost never see it.

[1:01:21] Anyone in a movie is either super beautiful or ridiculously goofy, and there's no in-between.

[1:01:28] There's no like normal-looking people anymore.

[1:01:30] So you can get your fill off of normal-looking people in this movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:33] I just want to point out something that I noticed.

[1:01:35] On the theme of making fun of Elliot, which appears to be the mailbag theme of this episode,

[1:01:41] I've noticed that when I'm making a movie recommendation, it's almost impossible for me to get through it due to the interruptions.

[1:01:49] When Stuart's making a movie recommendation, there's still a fair number of interruptions.

[1:01:53] When Elliot talks about a movie, somehow we both fall silent out of respect.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:58] I think we found the missing link about what's causing that, and it's me.

[1:02:03] It's the guy who can't stop talking.

[1:02:04] You can interrupt yourself.

[1:02:05] Come on.

[1:02:06] I could try.

[1:02:07] Yeah.

[1:02:08] I think that's a challenge.

[1:02:09] Well, probably.

[1:02:10] That's the challenge I'll pick up next time, if I remember, which I won't.

[1:02:12] See if Elliot can interrupt himself.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:13] If there is a next time, because I think Oogie Loves broke us.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:17] I think we might need to take some time off after this one.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:19] But we're not, though.

[1:02:20] As the photo I posted to the Facebook group showed with Stuart, again, face down, on the ground.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:27] Just, you've never seen just heartbreak quitting.

[1:02:30] He has quit life at that point.

[1:02:33] It's the moment when someone's on a long march in a war movie, and they just drop.

[1:02:38] And it's like, you know what?

[1:02:39] I can't walk anymore.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:40] I've been giving Dan the football to hold for so long, and he keeps yanking it away from me.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:44] It's like what the quote says.

[1:02:47] When you're tired of Oogie Loves, you're tired of life.

[1:02:49] No.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:53] When you're watching Oogie Loves, you're trying to escape life.

Dan McCoy

[1:02:56] Well, it's time, sadly, to sign off for the Flophouse.

[1:03:01] I've been Dan McGoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:03] I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[1:03:05] And I'll always be Elliot Kalin.

[1:03:07] What's that?

[1:03:08] Come on, I'm trying to say my name.

[1:03:09] Can you not interrupt me for once?

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:10] Oh, you did it!

[1:03:11] I interrupted myself.

[1:03:13] Oogie Loves!

[1:03:14] Oogie Loves!

[1:03:15] You rewatch it from the beginning until they discover who killed Laura Palmer.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:35] And then you're done.

[1:03:35] And then maybe if you want to skip ahead, you can watch the finale.

[1:03:39] Yeah, because the end of the finale is pretty amazing.

[1:03:41] Yeah.

[1:03:41] Although I was so mad about it at the time.

[1:03:43] I'm like, what?

[1:03:44] They can't!

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:46] That's butt coop!

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:48] That's very sad.

[1:03:50] Butt coop.

[1:03:51] Butt coop.

[1:03:52] That's where you keep your butts.

[1:03:53] Alright, let's start.

[1:03:54] I tell you, I wanted to build a butt coop in my backyard, but my wife doesn't want me to raise butts.

[1:03:59] Maybe we'll save money on eggs.

[1:04:02] Good stuff.

[1:04:03] Because eggs come out of butts?

[1:04:04] They come out of someone's butt.

[1:04:06] Sure.

[1:04:07] That's chickens.

The Flop House: Episode #121 - The Oogieloves in the Big Balloon Adventure

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