The Flop House: Awards Floptacular 2013!

[0:00] It's the 5th Annual Awards Floptacular!

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] And I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:37] And I'm Elliot, which one? Elliot Kalin.

[0:41] Oh, okay.

[0:41] Not Elliot Gould, unfortunately.

[0:44] Good one. Classic Elliot joke.

[0:47] Classic Elliot, yep.

[0:48] It's that time of year again. The time for everyone's least favorite episode of the Flophouse.

[0:52] Our annual regrets and shame episode.

[0:55] What?

[0:56] Stuart, what are you most regretful about this year?

[0:59] I regret putting that mogul in the ski slope

[1:02] that busted Dan's knee on.

[1:03] Wait, what?

[1:04] Yeah.

[1:05] You weren't supposed to say that,

[1:06] and also that was going to be mine.

[1:07] Now I've got nothing to talk about.

[1:11] What a weird twist ending that would be.

[1:13] I put a mogul on your ski slope to steal your podcast away.

[1:18] But then I realized it was too much work,

[1:20] so I just let you keep doing it.

[1:22] The original script for The Lady Killers, I think.

[1:24] It was originally called The Leg Stealers.

[1:29] uh wait i was trying to steal his leg by fucking it up with a mogul when you get his leg you get

[1:36] his power uh yeah i don't want to draw the curtain back too much but this is the first uh episode

[1:43] after my knee surgery also stewart has had a stressful day so buckle in for some laughs and

[1:48] i'm just tired uh it stayed up too late last night watching the academy awards watching the 74th

[1:57] 74,000th Annual Academy Awards.

[2:00] They predate history.

[2:01] In fact, it's now believed that the Venus of Willendorf was actually an early Oscar.

[2:05] It was awarded to Best Cave Painting, the Lascaux Caves, nowhere near Willendorf.

[2:11] So, you know, I don't know how they did it.

[2:13] Yeah, which brings us to the point of today's episode.

[2:16] We don't have a movie for this episode.

[2:18] Whenever you're listening to it.

[2:18] It will be the Awards Floptacular, 2013.

[2:22] They could probably look at it.

[2:26] The pod player or whatever.

[2:27] Who's that over on the red carpet?

[2:29] Why, it's Stuart Wellington.

[2:31] Who are you wearing, Stuart?

[2:32] Whose skin are you wearing?

[2:34] Well, I'm wearing Stuart's skin.

[2:37] I'm wearing jeans by Levi.

[2:40] Oh, Claude Lévi-Strauss.

[2:42] And t-shirts by some t-shirt company I don't want to look at the tag for.

[2:45] And look over here.

[2:47] It's Dan McCoy hobbling down the red carpet.

[2:49] Dan, whose crutches are you wearing this evening?

[2:53] They were issued to me by the Hospital for Special Surgery.

[2:56] It's everyone's favorite, the corrector, Elliot Kaelin.

[3:01] Oh, stop, stop.

[3:03] Yes, I'm here.

[3:03] We're wearing what appears to be a striped polo shirt.

[3:06] Yep, it's a striped polo shirt from Stripey's of Beverly Hills.

[3:11] And I'm wearing, this is a true story,

[3:14] the jeans Boris Karloff was buried in.

[3:19] Hopefully that got you in the awards mood.

[3:24] It's the Floptacular Awards!

[3:27] The 75th annual Floptacular Awards of the Flophouse is brought to you by

[3:34] Rolled Gold Pretzels.

[3:35] The rollediest and the goldest.

[3:38] If it's not gold, it might be rolled gold.

[3:43] We haven't even gotten to that sheet of paper of jokes you wrote down.

[3:46] And Dove Soap. Soap made out of birds.

[3:49] You want to smell like a dead bird?

[3:51] Get Dove Soap and Pert Plus.

[3:54] It's like Pert with something extra added to it.

[3:57] What is the plus?

[3:58] That's our surprise.

[4:00] It's dandruff creator.

[4:02] It's a vicious cycle.

[4:05] All those sponsors and more ringing you to the Flop Awards.

[4:09] The Floptaculars, also known as the Floppies, also known as the Oscar followers.

[4:13] Here in the glamorous Dan's apartment theater.

[4:16] We don't do enough characters normally.

[4:19] so I'm glad we're doing funny bits.

[4:22] Hey, why, who's that on the red carpet at the Flocktabular?

[4:24] It looks like film star Daniel Craig.

[4:27] Hello, hello.

[4:29] And who's this coming up to him?

[4:30] It's film star Clive Owen.

[4:32] Hello, hello.

[4:33] And it's singing songbird Adele.

[4:35] Roar!

[4:36] Hold on.

[4:39] That's what Adele sounds like?

[4:40] No, that was the house cat pushing Adele out of the way.

[4:43] He doesn't play by rules except for his own.

[4:47] That's true.

[4:47] The house cat had to get to...

[4:48] He is chaotic neutral.

[4:49] He has to get to his seat.

[4:51] Okay, Adele.

[4:53] That's a singer.

[4:54] I saw her sing a song last night.

[4:56] She did sing a song.

[4:56] She correctly identified her as a singer.

[4:58] She won an Oscar.

[4:58] So, Dan, what do we do on the Floptacular Awards?

[5:01] Aside from pretend celebrities are here.

[5:03] Well, look, it's Michael Caine, everybody.

[5:06] It's me, Michael Caine.

[5:08] I have appeared in one movie this year, The Dark Knight Rises,

[5:13] which is about a knight who is both dark and rises.

[5:18] And look over there, that's James Cain.

[5:20] I'm sorry, James Kahn.

[5:21] James Kahn is the name.

[5:22] I'm so sorry.

[5:22] Don't go.

[5:23] No, don't go, sir.

[5:24] Oh, well, good thing none of us can do a James Kahn impression.

[5:27] He got mad and left.

[5:28] Traditionally.

[5:30] That hasn't stopped everyone else we can't do impressions of.

[5:33] Good point, good point.

[5:34] From leaving.

[5:34] They just keep showing up.

[5:35] Well, look over there.

[5:36] It's pasta star Chef Boyardee.

[5:38] Well, I can't do it.

[5:39] For this year's Flopatacular Awards.

[5:42] Now, you're not in the film business.

[5:44] No, but I've fed my fair share of the movie stars.

[5:47] Thank you very much, Chef.

[5:49] My best to Mrs. Boyardee.

[5:51] So what do we do with these things, Dan?

[5:57] Traditionally, let me refresh your mind.

[6:02] You got through a whole sentence that time, Mellie.

[6:04] It was because you were drinking water.

[6:05] I was drinking water, yeah.

[6:06] Luckily, you were there to jump in and pick up the slack

[6:09] before you got through half a paragraph.

[6:11] Regular listeners will perhaps remember that

[6:13] We discuss the Academy Awards program

[6:17] Which we all watched

[6:19] Yesterday

[6:19] And paid varying degrees of attention to

[6:22] It's about movies, right?

[6:22] Yeah

[6:23] It's the highest honor in the movie business

[6:27] Other than making a hit movie that makes a lot of money

[6:30] Having a successful career, yeah

[6:32] And then later on, who knows

[6:35] We might give out a few of our own awards

[6:37] And talk about films that we liked this last year

[6:39] Yeah

[6:40] I can think of three that Stuart liked

[6:42] at least this last year well i mean they're the same three he likes every year

[6:47] uh so dan so what should we start with you're the host let's host it up the host of the and now the

[6:55] host of this year's floptacular awards dank mccoy hey everyone it's me dan dan mccoy is this a bit

[7:07] yeah you were trapped on the couch with your leg injury yeah uh how did that affect your oscar

[7:12] viewing experience i was more tired and hazy than normal and i cared less so uh i i may not

[7:21] have as much to contribute actually as in years past well i watched it in a noisy bar yeah i think

[7:27] i had a similar experience i've discovered the secret to enjoying the oscars yeah which is don't

[7:33] worry about tweeting or reading twitter while you're watching the oscars i enjoyed it so much

[7:37] more not feeling like i had to catch up on the jokes or send my own joke them ups out yeah it's

[7:42] a secret i wish i had uh learned i mean i had always previously actually enjoyed just watching

[7:49] the oscars and then all of a sudden sometime in the last couple years uh comedy people have become

[7:55] contractually obligated to tweet about award shows to that everything so uh i felt i i felt

[8:01] prey to that urge and i was tweeting about it um and uh i continue to tweet about it until

[8:09] such time as it came time to ice my leg and then i disappeared from twitter mysteriously for 30

[8:14] minutes uh but uh latest trick the devil ever pulled was icing his leg for 30 minutes was

[8:19] returning to twitter after 30 minutes because i have to say watching shirley it was like this

[8:25] is my experience last night oh this is a funny opening bit okay it's going on a little too long

[8:29] now i'm tired of it but hey now some awards whatever i'm having genuine reactions to them

[8:34] shirley bassey oh this is great i love this song oh that's sad that's right i forgot ralph mcquarrie

[8:39] died now i can mourn him positively oh hey look at this some more awards there was no i didn't

[8:43] feel the need to snark it up about everything i still did about some things i thought the the

[8:47] fact that they'd attribute to the great musicals of the last 10 years which is roughly three or

[8:52] four three three musicals there's three musicals and they didn't put in hairspray i guess and that

[8:57] was about it i thought that was a repo the genetic opera that would have been so great

[9:02] if they threw in the reunion of the head or whatever

[9:06] genetic opera uh paris hilton just shows up yeah perfect uh you know i guess these things

[9:16] traditionally start with the discussion of the host how did you guys feel about the host the

[9:20] movie the korean movie it was great yeah it's amazing it's a good movie they could use more

[9:25] cgi monster though and fire it could be more of that it could use more uh abrupt tonal shifts

[9:33] i don't feel like it had yeah i felt like he'd handled those better in uh some of his other

[9:38] movies but anyway uh so the host who was the host todd mcfarland creator of spawn do you do you know

[9:45] fia that's my entire when i finally saw todd mcfarland when like the he was doing those

[9:53] animated spawn intros yeah like i was like oh this makes sense i get this guy now i get why

[10:00] all of his things are the way they are hyper need to be cool because it oozes out of his

[10:06] because he's so greasy cool greasy that's a bit much he is i think what you mean to say is canadian

[10:11] okay not as greasy as old grease witherspoon who looked great last night i like to think

[10:18] grease witherspoon is literally a hobo who lives at a rail yard and dreams of owning a diner

[10:24] somebody's never gonna achieve that dream oh that's just old grease witherspoon

[10:29] got any grease for me grease witherspoon sounds to me like you know uh one of those porn stars

[10:36] who thinks that they need to name themselves after a famous actress but doesn't really

[10:40] understand the concept of what's sexy like charlie chase the porn star named after a

[10:45] silent film comedian yeah uh so the academy awards so the host was seth mcfarlane creator

[10:53] of the family guy family of shows and i thought actually i thought for the most part he did a

[10:57] fine job it was a little too much singing and he was a little smirky but it's a thankless job

[11:03] i felt like uh he had some funny jokes and he left the stage for long periods of time when he

[11:10] needed to yeah but there was just too much too much musical singing it seemed like a weird move

[11:15] for a guy that i i have this impression like wants to be like thought of as this edgy edgy

[11:23] guy to some degree that like all i thought last night kind of was like oh you know this is in a

[11:29] couple years he could be a passable ryan seacrest i think he there's there's two there's me seem to

[11:34] be two competing sides to him there's the family guy ted american dad side yeah and then there's

[11:40] the side that does concerts of broadway musicals yeah yeah like the classically trained like

[11:46] hollywood type like classic hollywood type guy yeah and i mean there's it seems like the move

[11:52] for him right now is to try to become a bigger star yeah which this is a platform for i mean i

[11:58] thought he was fine i did think that uh he seemed to not have like as someone who has no background

[12:06] per se in stand-up

[12:08] or something like that, he seemed to have

[12:10] trouble sometimes

[12:12] dealing with, like if things

[12:14] weren't going great

[12:16] He wasn't great at rolling with the punches

[12:18] Yeah, and there were times when he was just

[12:20] like, ha ha, live television

[12:22] folks, that's why you do it

[12:24] You're saying he lives in this insulated bubble of

[12:26] yes men who are laughing at all of his jokes

[12:28] and wearing backwards baseball

[12:30] caps and Teva

[12:32] sandals. I don't really know if that's what he said

[12:34] at all. No, it just seemed like he

[12:36] got a little sweaty maybe sometimes when things uh didn't go over but all in all he was a funny guy

[12:42] he was all right yeah he's just the bits were too long i mean this is obviously it's the same thing

[12:47] you could say about a lot of family guy bits is the bit that whole opening bit with william

[12:50] shatner with like the reviews from the future it was like it went on for what 15 minutes 20 minutes

[12:56] like that was crazy that was insanely long four poops during that time and the fact that they had

[13:02] two songs during that three if you count the boob song like sure it was really that went over like

[13:08] gangbusters but like even the internet the boob song was like a funny gag but then they did like

[13:14] a whole song of it like it should have been like a verse you know there was a lot of a lot of people

[13:18] singing whole songs during the oscars when they could have gotten by with a verse and a chorus

[13:22] although there's part of me exactly well like the fact that they sang the whole all that jazz song

[13:27] then the whole i'm not going song and then the whole you know i assume that's the whole you're

[13:33] my friend whatever song from ted that they sang later in the show right and they did a lay miss

[13:38] medley like it was just like why are we saying in all these songs why was in the whole song when

[13:43] shirley bessie sang goldfinger i kind of didn't expect her to do the entire song you know yeah

[13:46] but that was the one great moment of the whole thing that was that was like uh kirk douglas

[13:52] coming out yeah no i agree like seeing something you don't normally see yeah but well and that's

[13:56] what i liked about it and what i love about the oscars when they do it right is they have those

[14:00] things you don't normally see whether it's stars you don't see together or stars doing things you

[14:05] don't normally see or real stars from the classic past coming back that you don't see very much

[14:10] but for every one of those moments there was three where it was like and now the whole cast of the

[14:15] movie chicago great i don't give a shit who seemed to have totally falling out at some point the

[14:21] movie they didn't it's not like they were excited to be around each other no one cares about the

[14:26] movie chicago it won best picture and most people don't remember that yeah sure i just remember that

[14:32] it stole a best picture from one of lord of rings movies yeah it's like i was it's like if you last

[14:37] year they could have done it was the 40th anniversary of the godfather i think right last

[14:41] year because it came out in 72 i think they could if they had gotten like a cast reunion of the

[14:46] godfather like al pacino and and uh robert duvall and diane keaton and james conn and some of the

[14:52] marlon brando not marlon brando probably like that would have been amazing because that's a

[14:56] group of people that like you genuinely don't see together and it's a movie that is so established

[15:02] as one of the great movies but like to get together the cast of chicago like oh there's

[15:06] renee zellweger and uh richard gear up on stage again with queen latifah like together again

[15:11] finally the class of 84 we got to enjoy the original breakfast club

[15:18] we got like the john hughes tribute when they had a lot of a lot of the people from his movies like

[15:24] that was a special thing yeah you'll get to see what that they all aged really no i got to wait

[15:29] yeah i got to witness the moment where renee's elgar's squinting shaded over into eye problems

[15:34] but it's like to get the chicago reunion is less exciting to me than if they'd gotten like a short

[15:39] circuit to reunion it was like fisher stevens and mike mckeon and johnny five yeah like that

[15:46] would have been exciting to me and now the cast of short circuit johnny five died what no you were

[15:55] paying attention to the in memoriam section he was in the in memoriam oh if i was an oscar producer

[16:00] i wouldn't do it because i have too much respect for those people but i'd love to stick a fictional

[16:04] character into that in memoriam just put gizmo in there

[16:10] died in the bath how ironic how ironic this place where he gives life

[16:19] um i you know as someone who grew up though back in the time when like

[16:26] when dinosaurs roamed the earth yeah boom take that guy who's two years older than me

[16:31] uh when the oscars were a lot more about pageantry i kind of enjoyed like seeing an old style oscars

[16:38] where it's just like we're gonna throw a bunch of fucking musical numbers at you for no reason

[16:42] well i liked i like because the pendulum had swung too far in the other direction where it was just

[16:46] like this is gonna be efficient we're gonna have an efficient oscars no one's gonna get to talk

[16:50] we're gonna be out of here by 11 i did like that that it was an oscars that seemed to understand

[16:55] like come like the fact of the oscars is not to get people if anything even excited about movies

[17:02] like the fact of the oscars is to like have this big bullshit ceremony that goes on forever

[17:06] and does a lot of crazy stuff that you can't see anywhere else you know and they did like they

[17:11] didn't have the like interpretive dancing to the scores stuff like there were a few choices they

[17:15] made that were much more efficient but then they didn't make up for that by a lot of the things

[17:20] they added were an added value it was a long comedy bit or right and like i felt like one of

[17:26] the better comedy bits was the von trapp family introduction to christopher plumber and it went

[17:30] by very quickly like it was long for introduction but it was a quick bit and it was about a movie

[17:35] people recognized it there you go done you're out you know but instead but the all those musical

[17:42] numbers i don't know like having barbara streisand there was something that i don't really care about

[17:46] but i could tell was like a special moment singing that song in tribute to marvin hamlisch like

[17:50] that's a special moment even if i'm not a huge fan of hers but some of the other stuff it was just

[17:55] like i was like who was enjoying this like the barbara streisand thing i could tell who was

[17:59] enjoying it yeah shirley bassey i was enjoying it but some of the other things yeah for a lot

[18:03] of the other stuff the aforementioned chicago all that dream girls thing well just because like the

[18:09] dream girls thing it's like we saw this like a couple years ago it was like when christoph

[18:14] waltz one for best supporting actor i love him a lot but it was like we saw this two years ago

[18:19] yeah stop doing a repeat for the same basic character it's uh i mean that's something to

[18:24] talk about i feel like let's move to the awards well no i feel like you lost points in your oscar

[18:28] pool on that one didn't you i lost points i mean i didn't win my oscar pool at all i did very

[18:33] poorly upsets that's what i want to talk yeah i was upset when they did the whole song from dream

[18:38] girls anyway but let's talk about the awards no but i mean like i don't think anyone really

[18:42] expected christoph baltz to win i mean like there was some talk about it but i you know like that

[18:48] was kind of a surprise i feel like i was disappointed i mean i like him but i was

[18:51] disappointed that i wanted robert de niro to win i didn't think he was gonna win but i wanted him

[18:56] to win so yeah i think i'm with you a lot of i think it was weighted towards tommy lee jones

[19:00] but then there were people who were saying oh maybe de niro because it's been forever and this

[19:04] is a great and he was really great and it would like it felt like it would be that kick in the

[19:08] pants to him to be like you should be doing more of these yeah you should be doing less like

[19:12] bullshit comedy and horror movies that that pay you a lot of money but you don't do anything in

[19:16] that but that was a surprise like quentin tarantino i think winning was a surprise the

[19:21] ang lee winning was a big surprise to me i mean i haven't seen that movie yet still because it

[19:25] looks so incredibly boring but uh but that was a surprise there were the uh what crouching tiger

[19:31] hidden dragon yeah that's what you want well they gave him the award in theory for life of pie but

[19:37] i know it's just an apology award for hulk that's the award he was supposed to get for hulk but he

[19:41] wasn't nominated yeah like for ride with the devil i was i was happy that jennifer lawrence won that's

[19:46] one that i was hoping for and was worried she was going to get shut out because i thought that was

[19:51] a really good performance and she clearly didn't expect to win and my one of my favorite moments

[19:56] of the night was when they played the clips for best actress and they showed jennifer lawrence's

[20:00] clip where she's nuts in that diner and she does that great laugh that is a crazy person pretending

[20:06] to be crazier than she is to make a point

[20:08] and revealing how crazy she is.

[20:10] And it cut back to Jennifer Lawrence and she had

[20:12] this look on her face like, who the hell was that?

[20:14] Who was that crazy person?

[20:16] Who let her in?

[20:16] But what awards were you guys happy

[20:20] to see the winners for? Aside from

[20:22] obviously you guys are big ARG heads.

[20:24] I mean, I was happy

[20:26] that Tarantino

[20:28] won. I mean, like, that's a

[20:29] it's an over

[20:31] long, lumpy screenplay

[20:34] but it's a very original screenplay

[20:36] compared to...

[20:36] It is the most original

[20:37] screenplay of the ones

[20:38] that were nominated.

[20:39] All the other ones

[20:42] were cobbled together

[20:43] with newspaper clippings.

[20:45] This one was handwritten.

[20:46] I mean, it's not like

[20:47] he needs the validation.

[20:48] In his own alphabet.

[20:49] He's already,

[20:50] at this point,

[20:51] he's already established as...

[20:52] I was disappointed.

[20:53] No, he doesn't need

[20:54] the personal validation.

[20:55] His head is big enough.

[20:57] We do not need to...

[20:58] I was hoping that

[20:59] Moonrise Kingdom

[20:59] would win for that,

[21:00] but I knew they wouldn't.

[21:01] Understandably so.

[21:03] It's a Wes Anderson movie.

[21:06] I had a conversation with former Flophouse guest host Brock Mahan once where we were like, well, I guess we'll just have to be comforted in the fact that when we're old people, we can give Wes Anderson a Lifetime Achievement Oscar because he's never going to win one.

[21:20] I liked seeing Jennifer Lawrence win.

[21:24] I didn't have a lot emotionally invested, I feel like, in any of the—

[21:27] Obviously, there was one bittersweet award win for me.

[21:30] Sure.

[21:32] When the guy who looks like Edgar Winner went up and accepted his award.

[21:36] Which guy that looked like Edgar Winner?

[21:37] There were like 10 guys with super long blonde hair and various shades of pale.

[21:42] Yeah, all the sound editors and various technical awards all seemed to go to sorcerers this year.

[21:49] Speaking of people looking like people, I felt like...

[21:51] I did like that.

[21:52] Stuart was amazed at how many wizards were winning Academy Awards.

[21:54] I felt like Nicholson looked like Emmett Kelly or something in his oversized suit.

[21:59] Yeah, with his makeup off.

[22:00] Yeah.

[22:02] But when my – when Milburn, New Jersey won an Academy Award, that was pretty exciting.

[22:09] And it wasn't you.

[22:10] And it wasn't me.

[22:11] Don't rub it in.

[22:11] Well, she's not the first person from Milburn to win an Academy Award.

[22:14] Really?

[22:14] There's a guy who is a – I think a sound – he's either an editor or a sound editor.

[22:18] I think he's an editor who's worked with Ang Lee a lot who lives in town.

[22:24] You ever just go hang out?

[22:26] Great story.

[22:26] Other Milburn natives, Belva Plain.

[22:28] Okay.

[22:30] there's an admiral all right anyway but uh there was a lot of there was a lot of talk on twitter

[22:36] and on facebook about me being either sad or excited that my ex-girlfriend won and i just

[22:41] want to re-establish and reiterate not my ex-girlfriend yeah so not someone i know well

[22:46] did you rub it in your nose when she won it no in fact we had no contact whatsoever it's been years

[22:51] there's no need to be a gentleman about this you can kiss and tell no there's no kissing to tell

[22:58] about the look dan just gave you sent a chill up my spine and straight to your penis yeah i suppose

[23:07] it was the look of a man who once asked about someone's wife's ass on this very podcast we all

[23:12] remember that i mean not this episode overall i was happy that i was happy the academy awards that

[23:18] no movie like dominated there was no sweep there was a lot of sprinklings of i mean life and pie

[23:23] won a lot of awards it won a lot it won a fair amount of technical awards but like the acting

[23:27] awards were spread out among a bunch of movies i feel like i feel like lincoln and uh zero dark

[23:32] 30 were kind of underrepresented compared to previous awards ceremonies this year a little

[23:38] bit yes but late the last couple of word ceremonies were very heavy towards argo yeah and not towards

[23:43] too much else uh so i was i mean i was worried that argo was just gonna i mean but argo wasn't

[23:48] nominated for any acting awards like for it didn't win best director like i was i just like

[23:53] Well, Alan Arkin.

[23:54] I thought Alan Arkin was –

[23:55] Oh, that's right.

[23:56] It was not even for Best Supporting Actor.

[23:57] I forget about that.

[23:57] He wasn't going to win that though.

[23:59] Again, because he just won Best Supporting Actor for playing a similar role not too long ago.

[24:03] And people never win for that.

[24:05] And people never win for that unless they're Christoph Waltz.

[24:08] I think everybody just really liked his Saturday Night Live performance.

[24:13] That's what waited.

[24:14] But then why did they give Jennifer Lawrence an Academy Award when she was on a terrible episode of Saturday Night Live?

[24:19] Yeah, she was terrible.

[24:19] I mean she did the best she could with the material of Top Dog Chef and so forth.

[24:23] it had uh danielle that great uh parody of 70s softcore european i like that a lot and there

[24:29] was another sketch that i liked that i don't remember now top dog chef you just said it no

[24:33] wasn't top dog chef um i i you know i feel like we should move on soon actually because there's

[24:38] not a lot more to say about it but was there any awful things this year that you uh what choices

[24:43] or just moments in the ceremony i think we went i mean a lot of the music the i mean i didn't like

[24:51] it when jennifer lawrence fell on the stairs but you know that adds adorable that adds an immediacy

[24:56] like a realism that's true it makes her seem attainable elliot she's not dan she's a clumsy

[25:02] girl she's not yeah i forgot that was your fetish clumsy girls yeah that's why i was good luck chuck

[25:07] all the time he goes to the to that porn site clumsygirls.com where's this girls falling down

[25:14] and their clothes i guess sometimes ripping most of the time falling down and landing on top of

[25:19] naked men the odds against that are so huge but uh i there were i'm trying to think what moments

[25:26] made me like wince and i mean there's some there's some bad banter banter but there always is that

[25:31] was like probably like the one of my better tweets of the night was like you play the new uh oscar

[25:37] game which was a bit or teleprompter malfunction because like there were all these things like

[25:43] it seems like maybe they were improvising and that was the plan but maybe like something just

[25:49] went wrong a tweet that you have to explain hilarious i didn't i mean to people watching

[25:56] the show i didn't word it as clumsily when i tweeted he was channeling his favorite porn

[26:01] site clumsygirl.com just then in his in his tweet phrasing you know they got all those bruises on

[26:07] them and i went into a bad place wow wow pervasoid falling wow yeah no i know that's what the bruises

[26:13] are from but then you entered a totally new level of pervasoid that i'm not comfortable even

[26:17] acknowledging i mean on the subject of pervazoids i have seen some feedback on how this this academy

[26:24] awards was uh kind of misogynist or hateful towards women how so super cleavy well things

[26:31] i mean things like the the the i saw your boob song and there are a couple of seth mcfarland's

[26:36] jokes maybe yeah it's he's a uh i mean he goes to the goes to the gutter there's a lot there's

[26:42] like a fair amount of people being like oh you know like i i saw much more positive response to

[26:48] the i saw your boobs song than i thought i was going to and that i don't know browsers forums

[26:53] like i'm i'm usually not i usually am more apt to get annoyed at people who take offense at a joke

[27:03] than at a joke itself but that joke actually did irritate me because it was just like well

[27:08] there are all these women here who are being honored for their talent and you know like

[27:13] their abilities as actresses they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps except

[27:17] now you are reducing them to nothing more than sets of boobs except the larger joke of that is

[27:22] that this is a stupid thing that he did that's why i think that should have been yeah i don't feel

[27:27] like putting in that context excuses it necessarily i think if it was a shorter bit it could have

[27:31] worked but i i don't think it even worked i don't even think it was terrible but uh it was weird

[27:37] for that setting yeah but hey sometimes to make up for that you need several musical numbers from

[27:43] movies that people don't remember winning a cgi character to come up and present an award

[27:47] yeah i'm never a fan of that never a fan of that so although i did like hearing uh

[27:52] ted the ted voice announced the some of the nominee ago

[27:55] so uh perhaps we should move along to handing out our own awards our own awards the floppies

[28:03] Well, we're back to the Floptacular, Flopcademy Awards.

[28:07] First up, Dan McCoy, rated R, is playing at right now.

[28:15] So I'd like to give out the first award of the evening.

[28:21] Best Supporting Actor, or my Best Supporting Actor, goes to Luis Guzman in Journey to the Mysterious Island.

[28:29] I heartily endorse that, yeah.

[28:30] For sneaking a celluloid closet-style coded homosexual love affair

[28:34] between himself and The Rock into a kid's movie

[28:36] with the help of only a few 3D berries.

[28:39] Yeah, that coincided with my best excuse to stare at The Rock's pecs.

[28:44] To Journey 2.

[28:45] Well, I actually, should I continue with Journey 2, or should I?

[28:50] Well, why not? Journey 2 is sweet.

[28:52] Just for me, personally, best picture was a tie

[28:57] between Journey 2, The Mysterious Island, and The Last Godfather.

[29:01] I was considering giving out that award,

[29:05] and those were the two I was going to pick.

[29:07] They were, but, you know, that goes without saying.

[29:11] Journey 2 was delightful, and The Last Godfather was insane.

[29:14] Looking back over the years, podcasts,

[29:18] I am crushed to see that I did not get to watch that movie with you guys.

[29:24] Well, I own the DVD still, so you can watch it.

[29:27] You don't have it on Blu-ray?

[29:29] No, I don't have it on Blu-ray.

[29:30] Owl didn't get me the Blu-ray copy.

[29:32] I would like to give out the award for least amount of movie in a movie this year,

[29:37] and it goes to The Devil Inside, where barely anything happened,

[29:41] and the movie didn't even have an ending.

[29:42] You had to go to the internet to find it.

[29:44] On a similar note, I would like to give the Stuart Face Down on the Floor Watching Oogie Loves Award

[29:51] for a movie that almost broke me.

[29:54] And that, too, goes to The Devil Inside.

[29:56] The film I had to purchase twice for $14.99 each time,

[30:01] even though its approximate retail value is $0.39.

[30:04] That's you rounding up.

[30:06] My next one, it was a three-way tie

[30:11] for, I think, the best Nicolas Cage performance

[30:14] in a movie we watched this year,

[30:16] which went to Seeking Justice, The Raven,

[30:19] and Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance.

[30:21] It's interesting because I actually gave the Nicolas Cage Award for Best Actor to Nicolas Cage for everything.

[30:27] Weird.

[30:27] Because I gave the coveted Cagiest Cage Award for the Nick Cage's performance of the year to John Cusack for the Paperboy.

[30:34] That's interesting.

[30:35] I would have done the same, given him the Cagiest Cage, but I actually gave him the Less Than Zero Award for two performances that totally cancel each other out for the Raven and the Paperboy.

[30:45] I felt the Paperboy was so amazing and the Raven was so bland.

[30:49] Cancel each other out as if John Cusack had never existed.

[30:53] The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Award for Movie I Totally Forgot We Watched This Last Year goes to Immortals.

[31:01] Oh, I gave that to One for the Money.

[31:03] One for the Money was actually a contender for the movie I enjoyed the most.

[31:09] Really?

[31:09] Well, it was inoffensive and it had some jokes.

[31:12] I gave it the Movie I Most Forgot We Watched Award.

[31:16] Here, the Sucker Punch Award for making crazy ideas totally boring goes to the Paperboy.

[31:22] Runner-up, Total Recall.

[31:24] This is actually my final award of the night.

[31:29] Oh, I've got quite a few more.

[31:30] That's fine.

[31:31] But my final award goes to the Least Serious Treatment of a Terrible Disease Award,

[31:35] a tie this year between a little bit of heaven's cute and sassy treatment of ass cancer,

[31:40] and, of course, The Last Godfather, a wacky comedy that's clearly about a mentally disabled middle-aged Korean man.

[31:46] uh stewart what else have you got i don't have much more other than uh did you guys remember

[31:52] we watched uh the three musketeers this year that was this year yeah that was this year so

[31:57] that was worst performance for christoph waltz i guess this year i thought it was best performance

[32:01] for orlando bloom lando bloom lando bloom that's that's when he dresses up as billy d williams

[32:09] he's just lando blue he won the movie in a game of cards uh i'm gonna give the award for most

[32:14] nonsensical use of leaves uh-oh well we're just coming in right now the winner a thousand words

[32:20] for the leaves equals words in a mystical man tree soul bond now i know what you're thinking

[32:25] the odd life of timothy green should should have won it had two nominations growing leaves from an

[32:31] ankle and making a pencil out of leaves i guess that they split the vote and so the odd life of

[32:35] timothy green loses the most nonsensical use of leaves award that's uh that's uh that's uh it was

[32:42] close it was a close close call but hey what's this don't you're not going home empty-handed

[32:46] the odd life of timothy green because here's the best ayn rand adaptation we watched this year

[32:50] the odd life of timothy green the story of an iconoclastic innovation in the private market

[32:55] that saves the town without government interference and also they don't get free

[33:02] health care so timothy green dies oh uh here's what happened something like that i thought he

[33:08] Pete's dragon to another town.

[33:09] He didn't Pete's dragon, no.

[33:11] Now here's, this is usually

[33:14] a very, very hard-fought

[33:16] category each year. Very contentious.

[33:17] Best use of a lemon in seducing

[33:20] a woman who it turns out isn't really interested

[33:22] in you, but is just setting you up for a trap

[33:24] set by a vengeful circus ringmaster.

[33:26] And it goes to

[33:28] passion play.

[33:29] You forgot about that.

[33:32] Didn't you? Forgot about it.

[33:33] Moving on, least amount of

[33:36] abducting in a film goes to

[33:37] abduction in which the main character it turns out was never abducted but was being hid by secret

[33:44] agents pretending to be his parents do you think they named an abduction to draw people in with

[33:51] the promise of an abduction in the movie i think they were looking for something that emphasized

[33:55] abs okay uh there was also the best use of time bricks it goes to the movie in time in time also

[34:03] wins most confusing use of olivia wilde and of course best perching of old people on a ship's

[34:12] mast goes to battleship for its scene of old people just hanging out perching on a ship's

[34:18] mast what are they doing there we don't know uh there's the special minority report award for

[34:23] setting up a penalty that never actually happens goes to a thousand words for telling us eddie

[34:28] murphy will die when he runs out of words but instead he's fine the exact ending the exact

[34:34] opposite happens he is not dead and i think this will be my final award for the night uh best movie

[34:41] stewart totally wishes he had seen trespass runner-up last godfather thanks for throwing

[34:48] in the addendum there yeah uh so just a a little talk i feel like is is uh good at this point about

[34:57] movies that we enjoyed

[34:58] this past year.

[34:59] Do we enjoy movies?

[35:00] We just talked about them.

[35:00] What the fuck?

[35:02] You know,

[35:04] we don't have a proper

[35:05] year in review episode.

[35:07] This is the closest

[35:08] we come to it.

[35:09] Two months into the next year.

[35:11] Once everyone will have

[35:14] forgotten everything

[35:14] that we're talking about.

[35:15] I had to go back

[35:18] to my list of movies

[35:18] I saw this year.

[35:19] I just like to say...

[35:22] Yeah, that's an actual

[35:23] list you make every year.

[35:23] Every year I keep a list

[35:24] of the movies I watched

[35:25] that year, yeah.

[35:26] I'm up to, this is kind of crazy, but I think I'm on my 43rd or 44th movie so far this year.

[35:32] Not yet the end of February.

[35:34] It's nuts.

[35:35] I tell my wife that out of pride, and she says, we need to spend more time together.

[35:39] Do you put the Flophouse movies in italics or something?

[35:42] No, I just list them.

[35:43] Look, I'm not ashamed.

[35:45] Sometimes I'm ashamed.

[35:46] Writing out the Oogie Loves in the Big Balloon Adventure was a test.

[35:50] I'll admit it was a test of my personal honesty.

[35:52] And you're like, why does Microsoft Word keep telling me this is wrong?

[35:56] And the paperclip comes out and says, excuse me, are you sure you want to admit that?

[36:00] It looks like you're making a mistake.

[36:03] Sorry, Dan, you were saying?

[36:06] It looks like you're writing a confession.

[36:07] No, when talking about movies that we liked this past year, I'm sure we all went about it in different ways.

[36:16] I didn't want to necessarily focus on the best movies of the year because it's all the usual suspects.

[36:26] The Usual Suspects came out, like, 20 years ago.

[36:28] Yeah.

[36:28] Many of which actually did get nominated for...

[36:30] And it's all bullshit, because it didn't...

[36:31] Well, he just made it all up.

[36:32] Verbal was just making up the story.

[36:33] He was just making it all up.

[36:34] Why should I give a shit?

[36:35] I thought he just...

[36:37] Oh.

[36:38] That's why he showed all that stuff in Chaz Palminteri's office.

[36:41] I thought Chaz Palminteri just didn't like his coffee.

[36:44] And smashed it on the floor.

[36:46] No, I just want to say that, like, my favorite movie of the year, in my opinion, the best

[36:54] movie of the year was The Master.

[36:56] but I'm not going to go sort of further in that direction.

[36:58] I'm just going to talk about...

[37:00] The Beach Girls?

[37:00] I'm just going to list a few movies that I thought were either under-seen

[37:05] in that they were not huge box office hits,

[37:08] or they're underrated in that maybe they didn't get a lot of critical praise,

[37:15] often because they are more genre-y films that don't get that kind of critical praise.

[37:20] So this is stuff to watch on an airplane.

[37:24] These are enjoyable movies.

[37:27] One and a half thumbs up movies.

[37:29] No, these are movies that I really liked this last year.

[37:31] A zombie bite off the other half of the thumb.

[37:32] They may be a little sillier, but I really enjoyed them.

[37:36] Okay.

[37:36] I'm not going to judge you, dude.

[37:38] Just say it.

[37:38] You got Haywire, the Steven Soderbergh mixed martial arts movie.

[37:41] It's a very fun movie.

[37:43] Cabin in the Woods.

[37:44] Yeah, of course.

[37:45] Loved it.

[37:46] Lockout, a.k.a. Space Jail.

[37:48] Oh, man.

[37:48] That is a lot of fun.

[37:49] Actually, yeah.

[37:50] For Best Picture.

[37:51] Lockout.

[37:52] If you were allowed to give a best picture to kind of like a fun by-the-numbers genre movie that managed to heighten just through like charm, then that's the one I would give it to.

[38:02] Space Jail was a lot of fun.

[38:03] Head Hunters, which was a foreign thriller based on a book by Joe Nesbo, who is a popular Scandinavian thriller writer.

[38:17] Killer Joe.

[38:18] Dread, which I actually enjoyed quite a bit.

[38:23] Is that different from Dread 3D?

[38:25] Yeah.

[38:26] Well, I mean, at home, it would be just Dread.

[38:31] And Premium Rush.

[38:33] Yeah, I enjoyed that a lot, too.

[38:35] The silly bicycle movie.

[38:36] That's one that, depending on who you talk to in our office,

[38:40] was either a really good movie or a really bad movie.

[38:43] But I have to admit, I liked that a lot.

[38:45] I thought that was really fun.

[38:46] And frankly, I would have nominated Michael Shannon, I think, for Best Supporting Actor for his role as the evil but kind of stupid.

[38:55] I didn't actually make it to see it, but I've heard only good things about his crazy performance.

[39:01] It's a lot of fun, and his performance manages to harness – he always seems crazy.

[39:05] Always.

[39:06] Except in Bug, where he is totally right.

[39:09] The government is trying to bug that guy.

[39:11] Yeah, they're just trying to annoy him.

[39:13] That's what it's about.

[39:14] The government's bugging me.

[39:16] stop poking me government uh but like or in bug or my son my son what have you done or

[39:22] revolutionary road he comes off as super nuts all the time and in premium rush they managed to

[39:27] make him a little bit more of a grounded character who also is still crazy and uh he pulls it off

[39:36] really nice like all those crazy characters had sex with his character from uh that boardwalk

[39:42] empire and they gave birth to a half crazy half normal baby yeah exactly which was sent to an

[39:48] orphanage and then wait is this character from an orphanage or no no okay they're saying it was

[39:54] raised it wasn't raised by people it was raised by spirits okay in an abandoned monastery oh that's

[40:00] this is great let me write this down okay what about you stewart what are some of your favorites

[40:04] of the year um well i mean of course the hobbit an unexpected journey i don't think that's a big

[40:11] surprise yeah no um i threw i mean anytime peter jackson puts out a movie that isn't the lovely

[40:17] bones it's probably going to go up there in the in my my favorite movies uh cabin in the woods of

[40:22] course uh looper did you say looper i didn't say looper because i thought that it got enough

[40:26] attention but i think i enjoy that movie but you like looper because looper i liked looper a lot

[40:30] also um i thought there were some pretty good big like big action movies like die and good day to

[40:37] Die Hard? Yeah, wait, what?

[40:39] No, that was this year. You'll wait

[40:41] until next year's Floptacular for you to tell me how much you liked that.

[40:43] Like The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers,

[40:45] and Skyfall, I think we're all

[40:47] good big-budget action movies, but

[40:49] I'm going to cheat, and I'm going to throw in a movie

[40:51] that was a December 2011 release.

[40:53] Is that...

[40:55] I think we're going to have to ask

[40:57] for your badge and gun.

[40:58] You're off the force.

[41:00] I'm going to ask you why you've got a badge and gun.

[41:02] That's the nicest police chief I've ever seen.

[41:04] I think I'm going to have to

[41:06] ask you so passive-aggressive and gun if that's okay don't hate me um i'd say uh martha marcy

[41:14] may marlene really affected me uh if anything because john hawks is fucking awesome he is

[41:20] awesome he's hawksome um and for a small genre picture ty west's the innkeepers was great i

[41:29] enjoyed that a lot i actually have to admit i enjoyed it more before when it wasn't being scary

[41:35] yeah i loved if that had been a movie about two people working in a hotel who try to find a ghost

[41:41] and don't i would have i think it might have been my favorite movie of the year after moonrise

[41:47] kingdom but instead it went for scares but i mean when it comes when it comes to scares he's great

[41:52] he's great but there was just something the scenes between them it was like watching a really great

[41:58] sitcom pilot in a lot of ways like the characters felt very real and interacted in a way i liked

[42:02] and it was very funny and it was weird to just see lena dunham show up for one scene

[42:07] there's something about that movie too though i it was beautifully shot in a way that

[42:12] kind of reminds me of movies that i grew up with as a kid and i can't kind of put my finger on

[42:18] what it did like the technique like the way the camera moved reminded me of kind of that early

[42:26] spielberg era that's not so ty west does so much stuff that is of an earlier era in his style

[42:33] and because it was shot in like an old bed and breakfast it totally reminded me of yes

[42:38] puppet master awesome puppet master full moon pictures in case you were thinking it was

[42:48] the puppet masters which is not the movie he's talking about based on the robert heinlein novel

[42:53] So Elliot

[42:54] I mean my picks are pretty

[42:57] Pretty standard

[42:58] I was trying to think

[42:59] I didn't see a lot

[43:00] Usually I don't see

[43:01] Independent and foreign films

[43:02] Until a year or two later

[43:03] When they're on video

[43:04] And I was trying to keep myself

[43:06] To just stuff I saw

[43:07] Why don't you just go down

[43:08] To Canal Street

[43:09] And buy them

[43:10] From some guy

[43:10] Off of a blanket

[43:11] I don't buy anything

[43:13] Off a blanket

[43:13] Just a principle I have

[43:15] Sure

[43:16] I'll eat things

[43:17] Off a blanket

[43:18] I'll go to picnics

[43:19] Come on

[43:19] I'm not going to buy

[43:20] Something off a blanket

[43:21] What am I an animal

[43:22] that's what animals do um anyway but my favorite movie overall i think was moonrise kingdom

[43:28] um but i liked innkeepers a lot my favorite big movie was the avengers and there was something

[43:34] inside of me as a longtime marvel zombie who really enjoyed how successful that movie like

[43:40] took pride in how successful it was in a weird way uh even though like you feel justified in

[43:45] liking marvel comics exactly now i find it now it must be the way you feel about game of thrones

[43:49] and George R.R. Martin now that that show's a big hit.

[43:51] Kind of, except I don't watch the show anymore

[43:53] because I'm too much of a nerd that likes the books.

[43:55] But, I mean, the only thing that makes it bittersweet

[43:58] is that none of the people who create any of those characters

[44:01] got a dime, which was terrible.

[44:03] But, hey, what are you going to do?

[44:05] The movie was still good, right?

[44:06] I thought Skyfall, up to the moment when,

[44:10] up to the point when they leave the supervillain island,

[44:14] was fantastic and one of the better Bond movies I've seen

[44:18] I think in a long time or in total

[44:20] and I liked a lot of the ones

[44:22] you guys mentioned, Looper, Cabin in the Woods

[44:24] I liked Silver Linings Playbook a lot

[44:26] it managed to be a

[44:28] in some ways corny

[44:30] by the numbers Hollywood

[44:32] romantic movie but in a way

[44:34] that hid that enough

[44:36] that I really enjoyed it. And it starred

[44:38] Flophouse fave Bradley Cooper. It starred

[44:40] Bradlyn Coopsey. Who is literally limitless

[44:42] and you got, and not only was Jennifer Lawrence

[44:44] giving a great performance in it but

[44:46] She got to see her butt in very tight pants

[44:48] Yeah

[44:48] Not gross at all

[44:50] That's called value added

[44:52] I liked Beast of the Southern Wild a lot

[44:56] And for sure

[44:57] In terms of sheer spectacle

[44:59] I really enjoyed Prometheus

[45:00] If you don't try to figure out the character motivations

[45:03] Because they don't exist

[45:04] And you don't convince yourself there's something more going on in the movie

[45:07] Than what you're seeing

[45:08] I really enjoyed it a lot

[45:09] But what if we met our creator and he hated us Elliot

[45:13] I almost have to assume he would

[45:15] there's no way i see the creator of humanity meeting us and being like yes you did you got

[45:20] it perfect you nailed it that's exactly what i intended you to be like i think it would happen

[45:25] almost like that way and toddlers and tiaras that's what i wanted i think there's me

[45:30] at premium russia like i think there's no scene though of the year that i

[45:35] got as much sheer visceral joy out of as her using that robot to pull a baby squid out of her belly

[45:41] yeah that was set like and then it just stapling her shut like so that is the kind of scene that

[45:47] i couldn't see working in any other medium and it was so crazy and so wholeheartedly sold you know

[45:54] i remember being cornered at my uh birthday party this last year by a very drunk friend uh who was

[46:01] complaining about that scene because he's like oh then she just you know she got up and she was

[46:05] running around for the rest of the the movie like like you can't do that with like a major

[46:09] abdominal surgery and i'm like you don't understand this is a movie like if you were

[46:16] worried about that logic we wouldn't get the scene where a robot pulled an alien out of her

[46:21] full yeah what's with all the magic yeah you wouldn't look what's with space space travel

[46:27] galaxy if you just why does that guy look like peter o'toole if you just saw a robot give an

[46:33] emergency c-section to an astronaut and pull a squid baby out and staple her shut and you're in

[46:39] a space pod and she's running she's running from an alien and you're like she'd never be able to

[46:44] run like that with those staples in then you should not be watching that movie i'm gonna have

[46:48] to ask for your badge and your gun and that movie i feel that level of uh like that suspension of

[46:53] disbelief up seems to for some reason i feel like the avengers gets a pass whereas a movie like

[47:01] prometheus doesn't when like the avengers is filled with crazy ridiculous comic book logic

[47:05] but people are like okay whatever yeah he's thor bullshit whatever i think because a lot of people

[47:09] seem to convince themselves for some reason that prometheus was not like a crazy popcorn movie

[47:14] which is what it is they thought that this was going to be like some kind of meditation on

[47:19] humanity and then you apply some kind of logic or meaning to it but it's like this crazy popcorn

[47:25] movie it's like and you know filled with like images of heavy metal album covers exactly and

[47:30] for the and on that level i adored it so there you go uh so we've kind of given our recommendations

[47:36] there i would say so i would say let's uh skip the recommendation segment i'd say that too

[47:41] and make our last segment of the evening letters letters letters are brought to you by you

[47:50] i mean not the letter you i'm not hand brought to you brought to you by the letter you and the

[47:56] letter letter so these letters are brought to you by the invention of writing thanks ancient babylon

[48:05] so this uh this missive is from andy lasting withheld thanks andy for writing in wait i

[48:13] should have waited till i yeah i heard what he said ellie it sucks oh why did i thank him

[48:18] he says your podcast always makes my day i've listened to your back catalog at least three

[48:22] times and at this point i i think i owe you some form of repayment but since i'm not gainfully

[48:27] employed at the moment allow me to pay you in internet money aka memes okay i mean you're

[48:33] listening to us as payment enough as you may know the walking dead recently featured a zombie child

[48:38] named penny i'm avoiding spoilers here i promise i don't care i mean i don't watch that show

[48:44] She's both adorable and terrifying

[48:46] Because, well, she's a zombie child

[48:48] So I ask you, what if zombie Penny met a dinosaur?

[48:51] Who would eat whom?

[48:52] What if the dinosaur was also a zombie?

[48:55] That's what I was going to ask

[48:56] The possibilities are endless

[48:57] I look forward to hearing your theories

[48:58] The possibilities are not endless

[48:59] There are four of those possibilities

[49:01] Actually, you were incorrect

[49:02] So, tied in with the best of episode

[49:05] I do want to say

[49:06] Best zombie baby still goes to the zombie baby in Dead Alive

[49:09] Slash Braindead

[49:10] And best zombie dinosaurs go to

[49:13] Scud the Disposable, Assassin the Comic Book

[49:15] Oh yeah, those are some great zombie dinosaurs in that

[49:17] Now, here's the question

[49:20] If zombie Penny bit a dinosaur

[49:22] Does the zombie

[49:24] Disease carry over to a dinosaur?

[49:26] I have to assume it's an interspecies disease

[49:29] Yeah?

[49:29] Yeah

[49:30] If a monkey scratch

[49:33] Can give it to you, as in dead alive

[49:36] Sure

[49:36] I mean, it was a special kind of monkey

[49:39] But these are extinct animals.

[49:41] They're just some stupid old monkey.

[49:42] It wasn't just some old bonobo they found in the bottom of a laundry hamper or something.

[49:47] Being extinct animals, maybe they have a different resistance to zombie disease.

[49:52] Or I would say it's more likely that they are more susceptible to it.

[49:55] When you have had no exposure to a disease, it's usually worse for you.

[50:00] Did the dinosaurs get killed by zombies?

[50:02] No, because they'd still be walking around.

[50:05] They were killed by babies.

[50:09] An army of babies sent back to the past to save our world.

[50:12] What I'm more interested in is does the zombie baby have really strong teeth or does the dinosaur have really weak skin?

[50:20] Yeah.

[50:21] Because babies could bite my hand all the time.

[50:24] They're not going to fuck it up.

[50:25] Yeah.

[50:25] I won't bleed at all.

[50:26] And dinosaurs have super thick skin.

[50:28] And their skin, I would assume, is thicker than mine.

[50:30] Yeah, you can insult them all day.

[50:31] It doesn't even faze them.

[50:33] Also, I feel like the dinosaur would have to sort of walk by the baby, like within...

[50:40] Is it a baby or is it a toddler?

[50:41] Oh, I don't know.

[50:43] They're two very different things, because a toddler can just chase a dinosaur.

[50:45] I think the answer to this is need more facts.

[50:48] Is it a little mover?

[50:49] This is what would happen.

[50:51] The dinosaur begins swallowing the child.

[50:54] The child, not dead because it's a zombie, bites the softer flesh on the inside of the dinosaur's throat.

[51:00] So probably pretty tough.

[51:01] I don't think it's going to be that tough.

[51:03] It's still like, you know, mucous membrane and things like that, right?

[51:06] I don't know what goes on inside a person or an animal,

[51:08] but you've got to believe there's softer parts in there.

[51:10] All right.

[51:12] And then the dinosaur gets zombified,

[51:14] but the kid is still inside the dinosaur's belly,

[51:17] eating its way out from the inside, but can't get through the skin.

[51:20] So it just kind of ricochets around forever inside this immortal zombie dinosaur.

[51:24] So it doesn't have like a porky pig, that's all, folks,

[51:27] where it bursts out of the dinosaur's belly.

[51:29] Maybe it comes out of the dinosaur's pooper.

[51:30] Okay.

[51:32] Oh, okay.

[51:34] I'm into that.

[51:34] This one is titled Peaches the Musical from Andrea L.N. Withheld.

[51:43] Is that a musical based on the works of the artist Peaches?

[51:46] Well, yeah.

[51:47] Here we go.

[51:47] Hey, guys.

[51:48] I really like you and you make me laugh, especially when you talk about crazy and plausible off-the-wall ideas like Peaches starring in a musical.

[51:55] But wait, that really happened.

[51:56] She did a one-woman production of Jesus Christ Superstar, which Elliot mentions is a sing-along favorite.

[52:02] It's one of my favorite musicals.

[52:04] As far as I know, she only did it a few times in Berlin,

[52:07] but I was delighted to watch it and it was by far

[52:09] one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.

[52:11] It included her playing Jesus

[52:13] and at the end being crucified

[52:15] on a cross made of papier-mâché phalluses.

[52:17] I'm not sure you can see

[52:19] the full thing anywhere, but here's a clip.

[52:21] Roll it!

[52:22] I'll throw the clip up

[52:25] on the website.

[52:27] Is there anything we need to know before you set up this clip?

[52:29] No.

[52:30] Peaches. Can you hear me?

[52:32] we can't it's not a video podcast oh sorry i put the food clip on the website

[52:38] wait was this letter written by peaches no but she's here to promote it okay also i just want

[52:44] to say i'm an american living in new zealand and i need to keep listening to you every day

[52:48] and i need to keep listening to you every day so i don't slip into this horrible accent now

[52:55] that's come on it's a lovely silly accent wonderful and it's way better than the south

[53:00] african accent come on you heard those people talk take that invictus take that district nine

[53:07] but seriously new zealand accent amazing i like it yeah lobo marunga i mean that's not the most

[53:15] accurate new zealand accent uh this next email is uh titled no subject what it's a mystery box

[53:25] uh it's from that which we dare not speak its name okay and he says the crawling chaos i'll say it

[53:34] david calen oh no no no it better not be he says dear flopazoids to echo a question from the site

[53:41] comments i would also like to know what's going on with elliot and hallie is she merely his work

[53:48] wife or is she elliot's manic pixie dream girl sorry to ignore your art and concentrate on the

[53:53] personal lives of the artists but everyone else at work has a reality show they follow religiously

[53:57] and i do not while i need to fit in with others i still have the hipster need for upmanship i'm i

[54:03] think he means one upmanship i'm what is that like when you get next to life and mario i'm far too

[54:09] cool to lower myself to the level of the kardashians or the real housewives i need a reality show full

[54:14] of uh ironic cultural references uh-huh what better subject matter for such a show than the

[54:20] real scripted lives of those that make up

[54:22] randacious cultural references about movies.

[54:26] At season end, you could have a...

[54:28] That's not a word.

[54:28] Maybe that's a New Zealand word.

[54:31] All hour.

[54:31] At season end, you could have a wrap-up podcast

[54:35] about the making of the podcast podcast.

[54:37] No, we would do just like they do on Bravo.

[54:39] We'd have a show right after each episode

[54:40] that talks about that previous episode.

[54:42] But to get to the meat of this question,

[54:44] I saw a comment on the Rock of Ages podcast online

[54:48] that this gentleman is referring to.

[54:50] I did not see that comment.

[54:51] Intimating some sort of romance between you and Hallie.

[54:54] Whoa, what?

[54:55] And calling me a third wheel on that episode,

[54:57] which I found odd because we spent a lot of that Rock of Ages episode

[55:01] talking about how Hallie and I were singing along to the songs together

[55:05] and you refused to sing.

[55:06] Hey, well, look, I don't know.

[55:08] I can't explain the mind of the comment writer,

[55:10] but I would say Hallie and I are just good friends.

[55:13] She is just my office mate,

[55:16] and if anything, we have more of a brother-sister relationship.

[55:18] Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

[55:19] As someone who works down the hall from you, you guys are more like twins than you and your twin are, I feel like.

[55:26] Yeah, like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito.

[55:28] She lifts up the backs of cars, and I'm like, hey, mom had twins.

[55:32] Oh, way to go.

[55:33] Yeah, you're a goofy brother and sister for sure.

[55:36] I would say anyone who walks into our office and sees that the door is closed to our office, no, we're not doing it.

[55:43] We're just bad-mouthing the people we work with.

[55:48] But there's no romance there.

[55:49] The only romance is between me and my lovely wife.

[55:51] So this last letter of the show.

[55:56] Of the Floptacular Flop Awards letters section.

[56:01] Is from David Elliott's brother last name.

[56:04] Oh, God in heaven.

[56:06] Dear Flopazoids, what the?

[56:09] Wait, is Flopazoids suddenly what we are now?

[56:12] Flopazoids sounds like a really crappy 80s Ninja Turtles ripoff.

[56:17] Like, we're the four Flopazoids.

[56:20] We came from the future and really floppy, I guess.

[56:23] Look, I don't know.

[56:24] That would be a cramping joke.

[56:27] Got canceled two minutes into the first episode.

[56:30] He writes, I was listening to your most recent Nick Cage extravaganza,

[56:34] which was totally recorded after the Bratz live event

[56:37] and had a few grievances I had to air.

[56:39] General grievances.

[56:41] Why does he have a heart inside a robot chest?

[56:44] Why is he still coughing when he's a robot?

[56:47] Had a few grievances I had to air while Elliot and Stuart moan irritatedly in the background.

[56:53] First of all, I want to make it clear to everyone that while I do appreciate the support from

[57:03] writers clamoring for my freedom, I have not been locked in a cell, forced to wear an iron

[57:07] mask, or kept from watching football by my brother or other Flophouse hosts.

[57:11] Though considering how the Giants have played the past two months, obviously this is an

[57:15] old letter perhaps the last one the super bowl was like a hundred years ago would not be so awful

[57:20] why elliot would spread such lies is beyond me but i hope the listening public hasn't become

[57:26] too concerned about my well-being i can almost guarantee that they have not

[57:30] next i believe my brother even the letter reader is taking pot shots next i believe my brother

[57:37] referred to the all thing as a traditional viking meeting place while the original all thing in

[57:42] iceland was established by viking descendants sometime around 9 30 a.d i believe iceland's

[57:47] national assembly which has met continuously since then is the only gathering or legislated body to

[57:52] have actually taken the name all thing which i learned when i went to iceland the all things

[57:58] original meeting place in uh thingviller national park in iceland this past summer they only had one

[58:05] word at the time thing so everything was thing back then uh i suppose i could be wrong about

[58:10] this and if i am i have no doubt elliot will waste little time telling me so no lastly i was shocked

[58:15] and appalled to hear elliot's offense and anger over the thoughtless gift he received from a quote

[58:19] close relative was the national treasure criterion collection dvd block set i gave him for his 30th

[58:24] birthday it's a set of blocks your irritant and or brother david uh the present i got was not from

[58:33] him i will not reveal the identity or the gift as it might reveal the identity or the occasion

[58:38] But needless to say, David, thanks for writing in.

[58:41] Please never do again.

[58:41] I'm actually going to see him this Friday, and I will have to needle him about this.

[58:46] So, guys.

[58:48] I guess he didn't like when at the live screening we called him out and let the audience gaze upon his magnificence.

[58:56] Yeah, well, you know, I feel like that would be the source of his strength.

[59:02] What, people's attention?

[59:04] Yeah, like Superman gaining power from the Earth's yellow sun.

[59:06] Oh, yeah.

[59:07] I thought he gained power from the shadows that he slinks around in.

[59:11] Who am I?

[59:11] Some kind of rat man.

[59:13] This is my brother you're talking about?

[59:15] Yeah.

[59:15] Some kind of rat man.

[59:17] Like some kind of sewer-dwelling chud figure.

[59:22] Like some kind of sports-loving chud.

[59:24] Just a chud with a football helmet on, biting people's legs off.

[59:28] It would totally be a good idea if you're a chud.

[59:30] Like chud to bud the chud.

[59:31] That was the High Times chud crossover.

[59:36] Well, another Floptacular is...

[59:38] And, of course, Chud 3, National Lampoon's Club Chud Vacation, starring the Corys.

[59:43] Is it a club run by chuds, or is it a club that is chud-like appropriate?

[59:48] The only people who ever watched it have gone insane, so nobody knows.

[59:52] But the poster is a chud's head between a bunch of boobs.

[59:55] There's C. Hud, starring Paul Newman.

[59:58] But that's another Floptacular, come and gone.

[1:00:03] We need to sign off for the Flophouse.

[1:00:05] i've been dan mccoy i'm still stewart wellington and i'm elliot kalin good night everybody good

[1:00:11] night reaching for the stars but only with their permission good night that was a good warm-up guys

[1:00:18] let's uh start the real one right

[1:00:20] fucking just go with it dude

[1:00:35] just go with it

[1:00:37] starring Adam Sandler

[1:00:38] Brooklyn Decker

[1:00:39] Cameron

[1:00:41] no she wasn't in there

[1:00:42] Jennifer Aniston

[1:00:43] Jennifer and

[1:00:43] Nicole

[1:00:44] Nicole ma'am kid

[1:00:45] Jennifer and

[1:00:46] Meow-niston yeah

[1:00:47] and uh

[1:00:49] Dave Matthews right

[1:00:50] i from the day was he no no his name is dave matthews band david matthews dave m band

The Flop House: Awards Floptacular 2013!

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