The Flop House: Awards Floptacular 2013!

Dan McCoy

[0:00] It's the 5th Annual Awards Floptacular!

[0:30] Hey everyone, welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] And I'm Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:37] And I'm Elliot. Which one? Elliot Kalin.

[0:41] Not Elliot Gould, unfortunately.

[0:45] Good one. Classic Elliot joke.

[0:47] Classic Elliot, yep.

Dan McCoy

[0:48] Is that time of year again the time for everyone's least favorite episode of the Flophouse?

Elliott Kalan

[0:53] Our annual regrets and shame episode.

Stuart Wellington

[0:55] What?

[0:56] Stuart, what are you most regretful about this year?

[0:59] I regret putting that mogul in the ski slope that busted Dan's knee on him.

[1:03] Wait, what?

Elliott Kalan

[1:04] Shh.

[1:04] Yeah.

[1:05] You weren't supposed to say that and also that was going to be mine.

[1:09] Now I've got nothing to talk about.

Dan McCoy

[1:11] What a weird twist ending that would be.

[1:14] I put a mogul on your ski slope to steal your podcast away.

[1:18] But then I realized it was too much work, so I just let you keep doing it.

Stuart Wellington

[1:22] The original script for The Lady Killers, I think.

Elliott Kalan

[1:25] It was originally called The Leg Stealers.

[1:29] Wait.

[1:30] Wait.

[1:31] I was trying to steal his leg by fucking it up with a mogul?

[1:35] Because when you get his leg, you get his power.

Dan McCoy

[1:39] I don't want to draw the curtain back too much, but this is the first episode after my knee surgery.

[1:44] Also, Stuart has had a stressful day, so buckle in for some laughs.

[1:47] And I'm just tired.

Stuart Wellington

[1:50] Elliot stayed up too late last night watching the Academy Awards.

Elliott Kalan

[1:54] Watching the 74th?

[1:57] 74,000th Annual Academy Awards.

[2:00] Yeah.

[2:00] They predate history.

[2:01] In fact, it's now believed that the Venus of Willendorf was actually an early Oscar.

[2:06] It was awarded to Best Cave Painting, the Lascaux Caves.

[2:10] Nowhere near Willendorf.

[2:11] So, you know, I don't know how they did it.

Dan McCoy

[2:13] Yeah.

[2:13] Which brings us to the point.

[2:15] Today's episode.

[2:16] We don't have a movie for this episode.

[2:17] Whenever you're listening to it.

[2:19] Sure.

[2:19] It will be the Awards Floptacular.

[2:21] 2013.

[2:24] They could probably look at the title on their pod player or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[2:27] Who's that over on the red carpet?

[2:29] Why, it's Stuart Wellington.

[2:31] Who are you wearing, Stuart?

[2:33] Whose skin are you wearing?

Stuart Wellington

[2:35] Well, I'm wearing Stuart's skin.

[2:38] I'm wearing jeans by Levi.

Elliott Kalan

[2:40] Oh.

Stuart Wellington

[2:41] And T-shirts by some T-shirt company I don't want to look at the tag for.

Elliott Kalan

[2:45] And look over here.

[2:47] It's Dan McCoy hobbling down the red carpet.

[2:50] Dan, whose crutches are you wearing this evening?

[2:53] They were issued to me by the Hospital for Special Surgery.

[2:58] It's everyone's favorite.

[3:00] The corrector, Elliot Kalin.

[3:01] Oh, stop, stop.

[3:03] Yes, I'm here.

[3:04] I'm wearing what appears to be a striped polo shirt.

[3:07] Yep, it's a striped polo shirt from Stripeys of Beverly Hills.

[3:12] And I'm wearing, this is a true story, the jeans Boris Karloff was buried in.

[3:19] All right, well...

[3:20] Hopefully that got you in the awards mood.

[3:23] Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da.

[3:24] It's the Floptacular Awards!

[3:29] The 75th Annual Floptacular Awards of the Flophouse is brought to you by Rolled Gold Pretzels.

[3:36] The rollediest and the goldest.

[3:40] If it's not gold, it might be rolled gold.

[3:43] We haven't even gotten to that sheet of paper of jokes you wrote down.

[3:46] And Dove Soap.

[3:47] Soap made out of birds.

[3:50] You want to smell like a dead bird?

[3:52] Get Dove Soap.

[3:53] And Pert Plus.

[3:54] It's like Pert with something extra added to it.

[3:57] What is the plus?

[3:58] Shh!

[3:59] That's our surprise.

[4:00] It's Dandruff Creator.

[4:04] All those sponsors and more.

[4:07] Bringing you to the Flop Awards.

[4:09] The Floptaculars.

[4:10] Also known as the Floppies.

[4:12] Also known as the Oscar followers.

[4:14] Here in the glamorous Dan's apartment theater.

Stuart Wellington

[4:17] We don't do enough characters normally, so I'm glad we're doing funny bits.

[4:22] Hey, why, who's that on the red carpet at the Floptabular?

Elliott Kalan

[4:24] It looks like film star Daniel Craig.

[4:28] Hello, hello.

[4:29] And who's this coming up to him?

[4:30] It's film star Clive Owen.

[4:32] Hello, hello.

[4:33] And it's singing songbird Adele.

[4:36] Rawr, rawr!

[4:38] Hold on.

[4:39] That's what Adele sounds like?

Stuart Wellington

[4:41] No, that was the house cat pushing Adele all the way.

[4:44] He doesn't play by rules except for his own.

[4:47] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[4:47] The house cat had to get to...

[4:48] He is chaotic neutral.

Stuart Wellington

[4:50] He had to get to his seat.

[4:52] Okay, Adele.

[4:53] That's a singer.

Elliott Kalan

[4:54] It is.

[4:54] I saw her sing a song last night.

[4:56] She did sing a song.

[4:56] You correctly identified her as a singer.

[4:58] She won an Oscar.

[4:59] So, Dan, what do we do on the Floptacular Awards?

[5:01] Aside from pretend celebrities are here.

Dan McCoy

[5:04] Well, look, it's Michael Caine, everybody.

[5:07] It's me, Michael Caine.

[5:08] I have appeared in one movie this year, The Dark Knight Rises, which is about a knight who

[5:16] is both dark and rises.

Elliott Kalan

[5:18] And look over there.

[5:18] That's James Caine.

[5:20] I'm sorry, James Caan.

[5:21] James Caan is the name.

[5:22] I'm so sorry.

[5:23] Don't go.

[5:23] No, don't go, sir.

[5:24] Oh, well.

[5:25] Good thing none of us can do a James Caan impression.

[5:27] He got mad and laughed.

Stuart Wellington

[5:30] Traditionally.

[5:31] That hasn't stopped everyone else we can't do impressions of.

Elliott Kalan

[5:33] Good point.

[5:34] Good point.

[5:34] They just keep showing up.

[5:35] Well, look over there.

[5:36] It's pasta star Chef Boyardee.

[5:38] Well, I can't do it.

[5:39] For this year's Flop-a-Tac-A-Lot Awards.

[5:42] Now, you're not in the film business.

[5:44] No, but I've fed my fair share of the movie stars.

[5:47] Thank you very much, Chef.

[5:50] My best to Mrs. Boyardee.

Dan McCoy

[5:56] So what do we do with these things, Dan?

[5:58] We, traditionally, let me refresh your mind.

Stuart Wellington

[6:03] You got through a whole sentence that time, Mellie.

Dan McCoy

[6:05] It was because you were drinking water.

[6:05] I was drinking water, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[6:07] Luckily, you were there to jump in and pick up the slack before you got through half a paragraph.

Dan McCoy

[6:11] Regular listeners will perhaps remember that we discussed the Academy Awards program, which we all watched.

[6:19] Yesterday.

[6:20] And paid varying degrees of attention to it.

[6:22] It's about movies, right?

[6:23] Yeah.

[6:24] Yeah.

[6:24] It's the highest honor in the movie business, other than making a hit movie that makes a lot of money.

[6:30] Having a successful career, yeah.

[6:32] Yeah.

[6:33] And then later on, who knows, we might give out a few of our own awards and talk about films that we liked this last year.

[6:39] Yeah.

[6:40] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[6:40] I can think of three that Stuart liked.

[6:42] Mm-hmm.

[6:44] At least this last year.

[6:45] Well, I mean, they're the same three he likes every year.

[6:47] Okay.

[6:48] Oh, yeah.

[6:49] So, Dan, what should we start with?

[6:51] You're the host.

[6:52] Let's host it up.

[6:53] The host of the, and now, the host of this year's Floptacular Awards, Dank McCoy.

[7:01] Hey, everyone.

Dan McCoy

[7:03] That's me.

[7:04] Dan.

[7:05] Dan McCoy.

[7:06] Is this a bit?

Stuart Wellington

[7:07] Yeah.

[7:07] You were trapped on the couch with your leg injury.

Dan McCoy

[7:10] Yeah.

[7:10] How did that affect your Oscar viewing experience?

[7:13] I was more tired and hazy than normal, and I cared less.

[7:17] So, I may not have as much to contribute, actually, as in years past.

Stuart Wellington

[7:24] Well, I watched it at a noisy bar.

[7:27] Yeah, me too.

[7:27] So, I think I had a similar experience.

Elliott Kalan

[7:29] I've discovered the secret to enjoying the Oscars.

[7:31] Yeah.

[7:32] Which is, don't worry about tweeting or reading Twitter while you're watching the Oscars.

[7:36] Yeah.

[7:36] I enjoyed it so much more, not feeling like I had to catch up on the jokes or send my own

[7:41] joke-em-ups out.

Dan McCoy

[7:42] Yeah, that's the secret I wish I had learned.

[7:46] I mean, I had always previously actually enjoyed just watching the Oscars.

[7:49] And then, all of a sudden, sometime in the last couple years, comedy people have become contractually obligated to tweet about award shows.

[7:57] Tweet about everything.

[7:59] So, I felt prey to that urge.

[8:00] I felt prey to that urge, and I was tweeting about it.

[8:06] And, uh, I continued to tweet about it until such time as it came time to ice my leg.

[8:11] And then I disappeared from Twitter mysteriously for 30 minutes.

[8:15] Uh, but, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[8:16] The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was icing his leg for 30 minutes.

[8:19] Was returning to Twitter after 30 minutes.

[8:22] Because I have to say, watching Shirley...

[8:24] It was like, this was my experience last night.

[8:26] Oh, this is a funny opening bit.

[8:28] Okay, it's going on a little too long.

[8:29] Now I'm tired of it.

[8:30] But, hey, now some awards.

[8:32] Whatever.

[8:32] I'm having genuine reactions to them.

[8:34] Shirley Bassey.

[8:35] Oh, this is great.

[8:35] I love this song.

[8:36] Oh, that's sad.

[8:37] That's right.

[8:38] I forgot Ralph McQuarrie died.

[8:39] Now I can mourn him positively.

[8:41] Oh, hey, look at this.

[8:42] Some more awards.

[8:42] There was no...

[8:43] I didn't feel the need to snark it up about everything.

[8:45] I still did about some things.

[8:46] I thought the fact that they had a tribute to the great musicals of the last 10 years,

[8:50] which is roughly three or four.

Dan McCoy

[8:52] Yeah, it was three musicals.

Elliott Kalan

[8:54] There's three musicals and they didn't put in Hairspray, I guess.

[8:56] And that was about it.

[8:58] I thought that was it.

[8:58] Or Repo the Genetic Opera.

[9:00] That would have been so great.

[9:03] If they threw in a reunion of the cast of Repo the Genetic Opera.

[9:10] Paris Hilton just shows up.

[9:12] Yeah, perfect.

Dan McCoy

[9:14] You know, I guess these things traditionally start with the discussion of the host.

Elliott Kalan

[9:17] How did you guys feel about the host?

[9:20] The movie?

[9:20] The Korean movie.

[9:21] It was great.

[9:22] Oh, yeah, it's amazing.

[9:23] It's a good movie.

Stuart Wellington

[9:24] It could use more CGI monster, though.

[9:27] And fire.

Dan McCoy

[9:29] It could be CGI fire, more of that.

Elliott Kalan

[9:31] It could use more abrupt tonal shifts.

[9:34] I don't feel like it had enough of those.

[9:35] Yeah, I felt like he'd handled those better in some of his other movies.

[9:38] But anyway, so the host.

[9:40] Who was the host?

[9:41] Todd McFarlane?

[9:42] The creator of Spawn?

Stuart Wellington

[9:43] Do you know fear?

Dan McCoy

[9:47] That's my entire Todd McFarlane impression.

[9:49] When I finally saw Todd McFarlane when he was doing those animated Spawn intros, I was like, oh, this makes sense.

[9:58] I get this guy now.

[9:59] I get why all of his things are the way they are.

[10:03] Hyper need to be cool.

[10:04] Because it oozes out of his greasy pores.

[10:06] Because he's so greasy cool.

[10:08] Greasy.

Elliott Kalan

[10:09] That's a bit much.

[10:10] He is.

[10:10] I think what you mean to say is Canadian.

[10:12] Okay.

Stuart Wellington

[10:12] Not as greasy as old Grease Witherspoon, who looked great last night.

[10:16] Grease Witherspoon.

Elliott Kalan

[10:17] I like to think Grease Witherspoon is literally a hobo who lives in a rail yard and dreams of owning a diner.

[10:25] Somebody's never going to achieve that dream.

[10:27] Oh, that's just old Grease Witherspoon.

Dan McCoy

[10:30] Got any grease for me?

[10:33] Grease Witherspoon sounds to me like, you know, one of those porn stars who thinks that they need to name themselves after a famous actress,

[10:40] but doesn't really understand the concept of what's sexy.

Elliott Kalan

[10:43] Like Charlie Chase, the porn star named after a silent film comedian.

[10:46] Yeah.

[10:49] So the Academy Awards, huh?

[10:51] So the host was Seth MacFarlane, creator of the Family Guy family of shows.

[10:55] And I thought actually, I thought for the most part he did a fine job.

[10:57] It was a little too much singing, and he was a little smirky, but it's a thankless job.

[11:04] I felt like he had some funny jokes, and he left the stage for long periods of time

[11:10] when he needed to.

[11:11] But there was just too much musical singing.

Dan McCoy

[11:14] It seemed like a weird move for a guy that I have this impression, like, wants to be thought of as this edgy guy to some degree.

[11:24] That, like, all I thought last night kind of was like, oh, you know, this is, in a couple years, he could be a passable Ryan Seacrest.

Elliott Kalan

[11:31] I think he, there seem to be two competing sides to him.

[11:35] There's the Family Guy, Ted, American Dad side.

[11:39] Yeah.

[11:39] And then there's the side that does concerts of Broadway musicals.

Stuart Wellington

[11:44] Yeah.

[11:44] Yeah, like the classically trained, like, Hollywood type, like, classic Hollywood type guy.

[11:49] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[11:50] And, I mean, there's, it seems like the move for him right now is to try to become a bigger star.

[11:55] Yeah.

[11:55] Which this is a platform for.

Dan McCoy

[11:57] I mean, I thought he was fine.

[11:58] I did think that he seemed to not have, like, as someone who has no background per se in, like, stand-up or something like that, he seemed to have trouble sometimes dealing with, like, if things weren't going great.

[12:16] Yeah, he wasn't great at rolling with the punches.

[12:19] Yeah, and there were times when he was just like, ha-ha, live television, folks, that's why you do it.

Stuart Wellington

[12:24] You're saying he lives in this insulated bubble of yes men who are laughing at all of his jokes and wearing backwards baseball caps and Teva sandals.

[12:33] I don't really know if that's what he said at all.

Dan McCoy

[12:35] No, it just seemed like he got a little sweaty, maybe, sometimes when things didn't go over.

[12:40] But, all in all, he was a funny guy.

Elliott Kalan

[12:43] He was all right.

[12:43] Yeah, just the bits were too long.

[12:45] I mean, this is, obviously, it's the same thing you could say about a lot of Family Guy bits, is that whole opening bit with William Shatner with, like, the reviews from the future.

[12:53] Yeah.

[12:53] It was like, it went on for, what, 15 minutes, 20 minutes?

[12:56] Yeah.

[12:56] Like, that was crazy.

[12:57] That was insanely long.

[12:59] I could have taken, like, four poops during that time.

[13:01] And the fact that they had two songs during that, three if you count the boobs song, like, it was really.

[13:07] That went over, like, gangbusters.

[13:09] But, like, even the boobs song.

[13:10] On the internet.

[13:11] The boobs song was, like, a funny gag, but then they did, like, a whole song of it.

[13:14] Like, it should have been, like, a verse.

[13:16] You know, there was a lot of people singing whole songs during the Oscars when they could have gotten by with a verse and a chorus.

[13:22] Although there's, like, a medley.

[13:23] Exactly.

[13:24] Well, like, the fact that they sang the whole All That Jazz song, then the whole I'm Not Going song, and then the whole, you know, I assume that's the whole You're My Friend whatever song from Ted that they sang later in the show.

[13:37] Right.

[13:37] And they did a Les Mis medley.

[13:39] Like, it was just like, why are we singing all these songs?

[13:42] Why are we singing the whole song?

[13:42] When Shirley Bassey sang Goldfinger, I kind of didn't expect her to do the entire song, you know.

Dan McCoy

[13:46] Yeah, but that was the one great moment of the whole thing.

Stuart Wellington

[13:50] That was like Kirk Douglas coming out.

Elliott Kalan

[13:52] Yeah, no, I agree.

Stuart Wellington

[13:53] It was like seeing something you don't normally see.

Elliott Kalan

[13:55] Yeah, and that's what I liked about it.

[13:57] And what I love about the Oscars when they do it right is they have those things you don't normally see, whether it's stars you don't see together or stars doing things you don't normally see or real stars from the classic past coming back that you don't see very much.

[14:10] But for every one of those moments, there was three where it was like, and now the whole cast of the movie Chicago.

[14:16] Great.

[14:16] I don't give a shit.

[14:17] Who seemed to have had some sort of falling out at some point.

[14:21] The movie that they didn't.

[14:23] It's not like they were excited to be around each other.

[14:25] No one cares about the movie Chicago.

[14:27] It won Best Picture and most people don't remember that.

[14:30] Yeah, sure.

Stuart Wellington

[14:31] I just remember that it stole a Best Picture from one of Lord of the Rings movies.

Elliott Kalan

[14:34] Yeah.

[14:35] It's like if you – last year they could have done – it was the 40th anniversary of The Godfather, I think, right, last year?

[14:42] Because it came out in 72, I think.

[14:43] If they had gotten like a cast reunion of The Godfather, like Al Pacino and Robert Duvall and Diane Keaton and James Caan and some of the others.

[14:52] Merle and Brando.

[14:53] Not Marlon Brando probably.

[14:54] Like that would have been amazing because that's a group of people that like you genuinely don't see together.

[14:59] And it's a movie that is so established as one of the great movies.

[15:03] But like to get together the cast of Chicago, like there's Renee Zellweger and Richard Gere up on stage again with Queen Latifah.

[15:10] Like together again.

[15:12] Finally.

[15:13] The class of 84.

[15:15] We got to enjoy the original Breakfast Club.

[15:20] Or like the John Hughes tribute when they had a lot of the people from his movies.

[15:24] Like that was a special thing.

[15:26] Yeah.

[15:26] You got to see that they all aged really weirdly.

[15:28] No, no.

Dan McCoy

[15:28] I got to witness the moment where Renee Zellweger's squinting shaded over into eye problems.

Elliott Kalan

[15:35] It's like to get the Chicago reunion is less exciting to me than if they had gotten like a Short Circuit 2 reunion.

[15:40] It was like Fisher Stevens and Mike McKeon and Johnny Five.

[15:44] Yeah.

[15:45] Like that would have been exciting to me.

[15:49] And now the cast of Short Circuit 2.

[15:51] How did Johnny Five die?

Stuart Wellington

[15:53] What?

[15:54] No.

[15:55] You weren't paying attention to the In Memoriam section.

[15:57] He was in the In Memoriam.

Elliott Kalan

[15:58] Oh, if I was an Oscar producer, I wouldn't do it because I have too much respect for those people.

[16:03] But I'd love to stick a fictional character into that In Memoriam.

[16:08] Just put gizmo in there.

[16:13] Died in the bath.

[16:15] How ironic.

[16:16] How ironic.

[16:17] This place where he gives life.

Dan McCoy

[16:22] You know, as someone who grew up though back in the time when like.

[16:26] When dinosaurs roamed the earth.

[16:28] Yeah.

[16:28] Boom.

[16:29] Take that guy who's two years older than me.

[16:33] When the Oscars were a lot more about pageantry, I kind of enjoyed like seeing an old style Oscars

[16:38] where it's just like, we're going to throw a bunch of fucking musical numbers at you for no reason.

[16:42] Well, I liked.

[16:43] Because the pendulum had swung too far in the opposite direction.

[16:46] Where it was just like, this is going to be efficient.

[16:48] We're going to have an efficient Oscars.

[16:49] No one's going to get to talk.

[16:51] We're going to be out of here by 11.

Elliott Kalan

[16:52] I did like that.

[16:53] That it was an Oscars that seemed to understand like the fact of the Oscars is not too.

[16:59] Get people, if anything, even excited about movies.

[17:02] Like the fact of the Oscars is to like have this big bullshit ceremony that goes on forever.

[17:06] And does a lot of crazy stuff that you can't see anywhere else.

[17:09] Yeah.

[17:09] And they did like, they didn't have the like interpretive dancing to the scores stuff.

[17:14] Like there were a few choices they made that were much more efficient.

[17:16] But then they didn't make up for that by a lot of the things they added weren't added value.

[17:22] It was a long comedy bit or like, I felt like one of the better comedy bits was the Von Trapp family introduction to Christopher Plummer.

[17:30] And it went by very quickly.

[17:31] Like it was long for an introduction, but it was a quick bit.

[17:34] And it was about a movie.

[17:35] People recognized it.

[17:37] There you go.

[17:38] Done.

[17:38] You're out.

[17:39] You know.

[17:40] But instead, but the, all those musical numbers, I don't know.

[17:43] Like having Barbra Streisand there was something that I don't really care about, but I could

[17:46] tell was like a special moment singing that song in tribute to Marvin Hamlisch.

[17:50] Like that's a special moment, even if I'm not a huge fan of hers.

[17:54] But some of the other stuff, it was just like, I was like, who is enjoying this?

[17:57] Like the Barbra Streisand thing, I could tell who was enjoying it.

[17:59] Yeah.

[18:00] Shirley Bassey, I was enjoying it.

[18:02] But some of the other things.

Stuart Wellington

[18:03] Yeah.

[18:03] For a lot of the other stuff, the aforementioned Chicago, all that jazz.

[18:08] And the Dreamgirls thing.

Elliott Kalan

[18:09] Well, it's just because like the Dreamgirls thing, it's like, we saw this like a couple years ago.

[18:13] It was like when Christoph Waltz won for Best Supporting Actor.

[18:15] I love him a lot.

[18:16] But it was like, we saw this two years ago.

Stuart Wellington

[18:19] Yeah.

[18:20] Stop doing a repeat, idiots.

Elliott Kalan

[18:21] For the same basic character.

Dan McCoy

[18:23] I mean, that's something to talk about.

Elliott Kalan

[18:24] I feel like there were.

[18:25] Let's move to the awards.

[18:26] Well, no.

Stuart Wellington

[18:26] I feel like there were.

[18:27] You lost points in your Oscar pool on that one, didn't you?

Elliott Kalan

[18:29] I lost points on, I mean, I didn't win my Oscar pool at all.

[18:32] I did very poorly on it.

Dan McCoy

[18:33] I thought there were a few upsets.

[18:34] That's what I want to talk about.

Elliott Kalan

[18:35] Yeah.

[18:35] I was upset when they did the whole song from Dreamgirls.

[18:39] Anyway, but let's talk about the awards.

Dan McCoy

[18:40] No, but I mean, like, I don't think anyone really expected Christoph Waltz to win.

[18:45] I mean, like, there was some talk about it, but I, you know, like, that was kind of a surprise.

[18:49] I feel like.

Elliott Kalan

[18:49] I was disappointed.

[18:50] I mean, I like him, but I was disappointed that I wanted Robert De Niro to win, and I

[18:54] didn't think he was going to win, but I wanted him to win, so.

[18:57] Yeah, I think.

[18:57] Yeah, I'm with you.

Dan McCoy

[18:58] A lot of, I think it was weighted towards Tommy Lee Jones, but then there were people who

[19:01] were saying, oh, maybe De Niro, because it's been forever, and this is a great performance.

Elliott Kalan

[19:05] And he was really great, and it would, like, it felt like it would be that kick in the pants

[19:08] to him to be like, you should be doing more of these.

[19:11] Yeah.

[19:11] You should be doing less, like, bullshit comedy and horror movies that pay you a lot of money,

[19:15] but you don't do anything in.

Dan McCoy

[19:16] But that was a surprise.

[19:17] Like, Quentin Tarantino, I think, winning was a surprise.

[19:21] The Ang Lee winning was a big surprise.

[19:22] It was a surprise to me.

Elliott Kalan

[19:23] I mean, I haven't seen that movie yet still, because it looks so incredibly boring.

[19:27] Yeah.

[19:28] But that was a surprise.

[19:29] There were the, uh...

[19:31] What, Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon?

[19:33] Yeah, that's what he won for.

[19:34] Well, they gave him the award, in theory, for Life of Pi, but I know it's just an apology

[19:38] award for Hulk.

[19:39] That's the award he was supposed to get for Hulk, but he wasn't nominated.

[19:42] Yeah.

[19:43] Like...

[19:43] For Ride with the Devil.

[19:44] I was happy that Jennifer Lawrence won.

[19:46] That's one that I was hoping for and was worried she was going to get shut out, because

[19:50] I thought that was a really good performance.

[19:52] And she clearly didn't expect to win.

[19:55] And one of my favorite moments of the night was when they played the clips for

[19:58] Best Actress, and they showed Jennifer Lawrence's clip, where she's nuts in that

[20:02] diner, and she does that great laugh that is a crazy person pretending to be

[20:06] crazier than she is, to make a point, and revealing how crazy she is.

[20:10] And it cut back to Jennifer Lawrence, and she had this look at her face like,

[20:13] who the hell was that?

[20:14] Who was that crazy person?

[20:16] Who let her in?

[20:18] But what awards were you guys happy to see the winners for?

[20:21] Aside from, obviously, you guys are big arg heads.

Dan McCoy

[20:25] I mean, I was happy that Tarantino,

[20:28] I think that's an overlong, lumpy screenplay, but it's a very original screenplay compared

[20:36] to...

Dan McCoy

[20:36] It is the most original screenplay of the ones that were nominated.

Stuart Wellington

[20:41] All the other ones were cobbled together with, like, newspaper clippings.

[20:45] This one was handwritten.

Elliott Kalan

[20:46] I mean, it's not like he needs the validation.

[20:48] In his own alphabet.

[20:50] He's already, at this point, he's already established as...

[20:52] I was disappointed.

Dan McCoy

[20:53] No, he doesn't need the personal validation.

[20:56] His head is big enough.

[20:57] We do not need to...

Elliott Kalan

[20:58] I was hoping that Moonrise Kingdom would win for that, but I knew they wouldn't, so...

[21:02] Understandably so.

[21:04] Yeah.

[21:04] It's a Wes Anderson movie.

[21:06] Yeah, when we'll never win.

[21:07] I had a conversation with former Flophouse guest host Brock Mahan once where we were like,

[21:12] well, I guess we'll just have to rest...

[21:14] We'll just have to be comforted in the fact that when we're old people, we can give Wes Anderson

[21:18] a Lifetime Achievement Oscar.

[21:19] Yeah.

[21:19] He's never going to win one.

Dan McCoy

[21:21] I mean, I didn't...

[21:21] I...

[21:22] I...

[21:22] You know, I liked seeing Jennifer Lawrence win.

[21:24] I didn't have a lot emotionally invested, I feel like, in any of the...

Elliott Kalan

[21:27] Obviously, there was one bittersweet award win for me.

[21:30] Sure.

[21:32] When...

Stuart Wellington

[21:32] When the guy who looks like Edgar Winner went up and accepted his award for...

Elliott Kalan

[21:36] Which guy that looked like Edgar Winner?

[21:37] There were, like, ten guys with super long blonde hair and various shades of pale.

Stuart Wellington

[21:43] Yeah.

[21:43] All the...

[21:43] What?

[21:44] The sound editors and various technical awards all seem to go to Sorcerers this year.

Dan McCoy

[21:49] Speaking of people looking like people, I felt like...

[21:51] I liked...

Elliott Kalan

[21:51] I did like that.

[21:52] Stuart was amazed at how many wizards were winning Academy Awards.

Dan McCoy

[21:55] I felt like Nicholson, like, looked like Emmett Kelly or something in his oversized suit.

[21:59] Yeah, with his makeup off.

[22:00] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[22:02] But when my...

[22:05] When Milburn, New Jersey, won an Academy Award, that was pretty exciting.

[22:09] And it wasn't you.

[22:10] And it wasn't me.

[22:11] Oh, don't rub it in.

[22:11] Well, she's not the first person from Milburn to win an Academy Award.

[22:14] Really?

[22:15] There's a guy who is a...

[22:16] I think a sound...

[22:17] He's either an editor or a sound editor.

[22:18] I think he's an editor who's worked with Ang Lee a lot, who lives in town.

[22:25] You ever just go hang out?

[22:26] Great story.

[22:26] Other Milburn natives, Belva Plain.

[22:28] Okay.

[22:30] There's an Admiral.

[22:32] All right.

[22:33] Anyway, but there was a lot of talk on Twitter and on Facebook about me being either sad or

[22:39] excited that my ex-girlfriend won.

[22:41] Sure.

[22:41] I just want to reestablish and reiterate.

[22:43] Not my ex-girlfriend.

[22:45] Yeah, so did she rub it in your...

[22:45] Not someone I know well.

Stuart Wellington

[22:46] Did she rub it in your nose when she won it?

Dan McCoy

[22:48] No.

[22:49] In fact, we had no contact whatsoever.

[22:51] It's been years.

[22:51] There's no need to be a gentleman about this.

[22:54] You can kiss and tell.

[22:55] No.

[22:56] There's no kissing to tell about.

Stuart Wellington

[22:58] The look Dan just gave you sent a chill up my spine.

Dan McCoy

[23:03] And straight to your penis.

[23:06] Yeah, I suppose it was the look of a man who once asked about someone's wife's ass.

Elliott Kalan

[23:11] On this very podcast.

[23:12] We all remember that.

[23:14] I mean, not this episode.

[23:15] Overall, I was happy that...

[23:17] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[23:17] I was happy that the Academy Awards, that no movie, like, dominated.

[23:20] There was no sweep.

[23:21] There was a lot of sprinklings of awards here and there.

Stuart Wellington

[23:22] I mean, Life of Pi won a lot of awards.

Elliott Kalan

[23:24] It won a fair amount of technical awards, but, like, the acting awards were spread out among

[23:28] a bunch of movies.

Stuart Wellington

[23:29] I feel like Lincoln and Zero Dark Thirty were kind of underrepresented compared to previous

[23:35] awards ceremonies this year.

Elliott Kalan

[23:38] A little bit, yes, but the last couple of awards ceremonies were very heavy towards Argo.

[23:42] Yeah.

[23:42] And not towards too much else.

[23:45] So, I mean, I was worried that Argo was just going to...

[23:47] I mean, but Argo wasn't nominated for any acting awards.

[23:50] Like, it didn't win Best Director.

[23:52] Like, I was...

[23:53] I just like...

[23:53] No, Alan Arkin.

[23:54] I thought Alan Arkin was...

[23:55] Oh, that's right.

[23:56] It was nominated for Best Supporting Actor.

[23:57] I forget about that.

[23:58] He wasn't going to win that, though.

[23:59] Again, because he just won Best Supporting Actor for playing a similar role not too long ago.

[24:04] But then...

[24:04] And people never win for that.

[24:05] And people never win for that.

[24:07] Unless they're Christoph Waltz.

Stuart Wellington

[24:09] I think everybody was just...

[24:10] Really liked his Saturday Night Live performance.

[24:14] That's what we did.

Elliott Kalan

[24:15] And they...

[24:15] But then why did they give Jennifer Lawrence an Academy Award when she was on a terrible

[24:18] episode of Saturday Night Live?

[24:18] Yeah, she was terrible.

[24:20] I mean, she did the best she could with the material of Top Dog Chef and so forth.

Dan McCoy

[24:24] It had Danielle, that great parody of 70s softcore Europe.

Elliott Kalan

[24:28] I liked that a lot.

[24:29] And there was another sketch that I liked that I don't remember now.

[24:31] Top Dog Chef.

[24:32] You just said it.

[24:32] No, it wasn't Top Dog Chef.

Dan McCoy

[24:35] I feel like we should move on soon, actually, because there's not a lot more to say about

[24:39] it.

[24:39] But was there any awful things this year that you...

Elliott Kalan

[24:43] What, choices?

[24:44] Or...

[24:44] Just moments in the ceremony.

[24:47] I think we went...

[24:47] I mean, a lot of the music.

[24:49] The...

[24:50] I mean, I didn't like it when Jennifer Lawrence fell on the stairs, but, you know.

[24:54] That was adorable.

Stuart Wellington

[24:55] That adds an immediacy, like a realism to the...

[24:58] That's true.

[24:58] That makes her seem attainable, Elliot.

[25:01] She's not, Dan.

[25:02] She's a clumsy girl.

[25:02] She's not a...

[25:03] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[25:04] I forgot that was your fetish, clumsy girls.

Stuart Wellington

[25:05] Yeah, that's why I watch his good luck Chuck all the time.

Elliott Kalan

[25:09] He goes to that porn site, clumsygirls.com, where it's just girls falling down and their

[25:14] clothes, I guess, sometimes ripping.

[25:16] Most of the time.

Dan McCoy

[25:18] Falling down and landing on top of naked men.

Elliott Kalan

[25:22] The odds against that are so huge, but...

[25:24] I'm trying to think what moments made me, like, wince, and I'm having trouble.

[25:28] I mean, there was some bad banter.

Dan McCoy

[25:29] There was some dumb banter, but there always is.

[25:31] That was, like, probably, like, one of my better tweets of the night was, like, you

[25:36] could play the new Oscar game, which was a bit or teleprompter malfunction, because,

[25:41] like, there were all these things, like, it seemed like maybe they were improvising, and

[25:47] that was the plan, but maybe, like, something just went wrong.

[25:50] A tweet that you have to explain.

[25:52] Hilarious.

[25:54] I didn't...

[25:55] I mean, to people watching the show.

Elliott Kalan

[25:57] I didn't word it as clumsily when I tweeted it.

[26:00] He was channeling his favorite porn site, clumsygirl.com, just then, in his tweet phrasing.

Dan McCoy

[26:06] You know, they got all those bruises on them, and I went into a bad place.

[26:10] Wow, wow.

[26:10] Purvisoid.

[26:11] I'm falling.

[26:11] Wow.

Elliott Kalan

[26:12] Yeah, no, I know that's what the bruises are from, but then you entered a totally new

Stuart Wellington

[26:15] level of Purvisoid that I'm not comfortable even acknowledging.

[26:18] I mean, on the subject of Purvisoids, I have seen some feedback on how this Academy Awards

[26:24] was kind of misogynist or hateful towards women.

Elliott Kalan

[26:28] How so?

[26:28] Super cleavey.

Stuart Wellington

[26:29] Well, things, I mean, things like the I Saw Your Boob song.

[26:34] Oh, yeah.

[26:35] A couple of Seth MacFarlane's jokes, maybe.

Elliott Kalan

[26:37] Yeah, he's a...

[26:39] I mean, he goes to the gutter.

[26:41] There's a lot...

Dan McCoy

[26:42] There's, like, a fair amount of people being like, oh, you know, I saw a much more positive

[26:47] response to the I Saw Your Boob song than I thought I was going to, and that...

[26:52] I don't...

[26:52] In the browser's forums.

[26:55] Like, I'm usually not...

[26:59] I usually am more apt to get annoyed at people who take offense at a joke than at a joke itself,

[27:04] but that joke actually did irritate me, because it was just like, well, there are all these

[27:08] women here who are being honored for their talent and, you know, like, their abilities as actresses.

[27:15] They pulled themselves up by their bootstraps.

[27:17] And now you are reducing them to nothing more than sets of boobs.

Elliott Kalan

[27:21] Except the larger joke of that is that this is a stupid thing that he did.

Dan McCoy

[27:24] That's why I think that short of it is shorter.

[27:26] Yeah, but I don't feel like putting in that context excuses it necessarily.

Elliott Kalan

[27:29] I think if it was a shorter bit, it could have worked, but...

[27:32] I don't think it even worked.

[27:33] I don't even think it was terrible.

[27:35] But it was weird for that setting.

[27:38] Yeah.

[27:39] But hey, sometimes to make up for that, you need several musical numbers from movies that

[27:44] people don't remember winning Academy Awards.

Stuart Wellington

[27:45] You need a CGI character to come up and present an award.

[27:48] I love that shit.

[27:48] Yeah, never a fan of that.

[27:49] Never a fan of that.

Elliott Kalan

[27:50] So...

[27:51] Although I did like hearing the Ted voice announce some of the nominee, Ago.

[27:58] So perhaps we should move along to handing out our own awards.

[28:02] Our own awards, the Floppies.

[28:03] Well, we're back to the Floptacular Flopcademy Awards.

[28:07] First up, Dan McCoy, rated R, is playing at right now.

[28:15] No.

Dan McCoy

[28:18] So I'd like to give out the first award of the evening.

[28:22] Best Supporting Actor, or my Best Supporting Actor, goes to Luis Guzman in Journey to the

[28:28] Mysterious Island.

[28:29] I heartily endorse that, yeah.

[28:30] For sneaking a celluloid closet-style coded homosexual love affair between himself and

[28:35] The Rock into a kid's movie with the help of only a few 3D berries.

Stuart Wellington

[28:40] Yeah, that coincided with my best excuse to stare at The Rock's pecs.

[28:44] To Journey to...

Elliott Kalan

[28:46] Well, I actually...

[28:48] Should I continue with Journey to, or should I just give some...

[28:50] Well, why not?

[28:51] Journey to Sweep.

[28:52] Well, just for me, personally...

[28:54] Do what your body wants.

[28:55] Best Picture was a tie between Journey to the Mysterious Island and The Last Godfather.

Dan McCoy

[29:03] I was considering giving out that award, and those were the two I was going to pick.

Elliott Kalan

[29:08] They were...

[29:09] But, you know, that's...

[29:10] It goes without saying.

[29:11] Journey to was delightful, and The Last Godfather was insane.

Stuart Wellington

[29:15] Looking back over the years' podcasts, I am crushed to see that I did not get to watch

[29:23] that movie with you guys.

[29:24] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[29:24] Well, I own the DVD still, so you can watch it.

[29:28] You don't have the Blu-ray?

[29:29] No, I don't have it on Blu-ray.

[29:30] Owl didn't get me the Blu-ray copy.

[29:33] I would like to give out the award for least amount of movie in a movie this year, and

[29:37] it goes to The Devil Inside, where barely anything happened, and the movie didn't even have

[29:42] an ending.

[29:43] You had to go to the internet to find it.

[29:45] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[29:46] On a similar note, I would like to give the Stuart Face Down on the Floor Watching Oogie

[29:51] Loves Award for a movie that almost broke me, and that, too, goes to The Devil Inside,

[29:57] the film I had to purchase twice for $14.99 each time, even though its approximate retail

[30:03] value is 39 cents.

Stuart Wellington

[30:05] That's very, that's you rounding up.

[30:08] My next one, it was a three-way tie for, I think, the best Nicolas Cage performance in

[30:15] a movie we watched this year, which went to Seeking Justice, The Raven, and Ghost Rider's

[30:20] Spirit of Vengeance.

Elliott Kalan

[30:21] It's interesting, because I actually gave the Nicolas Cage Award for Best Actor to Nicolas

[30:25] Cage for everything.

[30:27] Weird.

Dan McCoy

[30:28] Because I gave the coveted Cagiest Cage Award for the Nick Cage's performance of the year

[30:32] to John Cusack for the Paperboy.

Elliott Kalan

[30:34] That's interesting.

[30:35] I would have done the same, given him the Cagiest Cage, but I actually gave him the Less Than

[30:40] Zero Award for two performances that totally cancel each other out for The Raven and the Paperboy.

[30:45] I felt the Paperboy was so amazing and The Raven was so bland.

[30:49] Cancel each other out as if John Cusack had never existed.

Dan McCoy

[30:54] The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind Award for a movie I totally forgot we watched this

[30:59] last year goes to Immortals.

[31:01] Oh, I gave that two.

[31:02] One for the money.

[31:06] One for the money was actually a contender for the movie I enjoyed the most.

Elliott Kalan

[31:09] Really?

Dan McCoy

[31:09] Wow.

[31:10] It was inoffensive and it had some jokes.

Elliott Kalan

[31:12] I gave it the movie I most forgot we watched award.

[31:16] Here, the Sucker Punch Award for making crazy ideas totally boring goes to The Paperboy.

[31:23] Runner-up, Total Recall.

Dan McCoy

[31:26] This is actually my final award of the night.

[31:29] Oh, I've got quite a few more.

[31:30] That's fine.

[31:31] But my final award goes to the Least Serious Treatment of a Terrible Disease Award.

[31:36] A tie this year between A Little Bit of Heaven's Cute and Sassy Treatment of Ass Cancer

[31:40] and, of course, The Last Godfather, a wacky cognitive clearly about a mentally disabled middle-aged Korean.

[31:47] Stuart, what else have you got?

Stuart Wellington

[31:48] I don't have much more other than...

[31:51] Did you guys remember we watched The Three Musketeers this year?

[31:55] That was this year?

[31:56] Yeah, that was this year.

Elliott Kalan

[31:57] So that was worst performance for Christoph Waltz, I guess, this year.

Stuart Wellington

[32:00] I thought it was best performance for Orlando Bloom.

Elliott Kalan

[32:03] Lando Bloom?

[32:05] Lando Bloom.

[32:06] That's when he dresses up as Billy Dee Williams.

[32:09] He's just Lando Bloom.

[32:10] He won the movie in a game of cards.

[32:12] I'm going to give the award for most nonsensical use of leaves.

[32:16] Uh-oh.

[32:16] Well, we're just coming in right now.

[32:18] The winner, a thousand words for the leaves equals words in a mystical man-tree soul bond.

[32:24] Now, I know what you're thinking.

[32:26] The Odd Life of Timothy Green should have won.

[32:28] It had two nominations.

[32:30] Growing leaves from an ankle and making a pencil out of leaves.

[32:33] I guess that they split the vote.

[32:34] And so The Odd Life of Timothy Green loses the most nonsensical use of leaves award.

Dan McCoy

[32:39] That's a...

[32:40] That's a...

[32:41] That's a...

[32:41] That was close.

Elliott Kalan

[32:42] It was a close call.

[32:44] But hey, what's this?

[32:45] Don't...

[32:45] You're not going home empty-handed, The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[32:47] Because here's the best Ayn Rand adaptation we watched this year.

[32:51] The Odd Life of Timothy Green.

[32:52] Where?

[32:52] The story of an iconoclastic innovation in the private market that saves the town without government interference.

[33:00] And also, they don't get free healthcare, so Timothy Green dies.

[33:04] Oh.

[33:05] That's what happened?

[33:07] Something like that.

[33:07] I thought he beat Strag into another town.

[33:10] He didn't beat Strag, no.

[33:11] He's dragging the way.

[33:12] Now here's...

[33:13] This is usually a very, very hard-fought category each year.

[33:17] Very contentious.

[33:18] Best use of a lemon in seducing a woman who, it turns out, isn't really interested in you,

[33:22] but is just setting you up for a trap set by a vengeful circus ringmaster.

[33:26] And it goes to...

[33:28] Passion Play.

[33:29] Oh, God.

[33:31] You forgot about that, didn't you?

[33:33] Forgot about it.

[33:34] Moving on.

[33:35] Least amount of abducting in a film goes to...

[33:37] Abduction.

[33:38] In which the main character, it turns out, was never abducted.

[33:42] But was being hid by secret agents pretending to be his parents.

Stuart Wellington

[33:47] Do you think they named an abduction to draw people in with the promise of an abduction in the movie?

Elliott Kalan

[33:53] I think they were looking for something that emphasized abs.

[33:56] Oh, God.

[33:57] There was also the best use of time bricks.

[34:00] It goes to the movie In Time.

[34:02] In Time also wins most confusing use of Olivia Wilde.

[34:09] And, of course, best perching of old people on a ship's mast goes to Battleship.

[34:15] For its scene of old people just hanging out perching on a ship's mast.

[34:18] What are they doing there?

[34:19] We don't know.

[34:21] There's the Special Minority Report Award for setting up a penalty that never actually happens.

[34:25] Goes to A Thousand Words.

[34:27] For telling us Eddie Murphy will die when he runs out of words, but instead he's fine.

[34:32] The exact opposite happens.

[34:35] He is not dead.

[34:37] And I think this will be my final award for the night.

[34:40] Best movie Stuart totally wishes he had seen.

[34:43] Trespass.

[34:45] Runner-up, Last Godfather.

[34:47] Thanks for throwing in the addendum there.

Dan McCoy

[34:51] So, just a little talk I feel like is good at this point about movies that we enjoyed this past year.

[34:59] Do we enjoy movies?

[34:59] We just talked about them.

[35:01] What the fuck?

[35:04] You know, we don't have a proper year in review episode.

[35:07] This is the closest we come to it.

Elliott Kalan

[35:10] Two months into the next year.

Dan McCoy

[35:12] Once everyone will have forgotten everything that we're talking about.

[35:17] I had to go back to my list of movies I saw this year.

[35:20] I just like to say...

Stuart Wellington

[35:22] Yeah, that's an actual list you make every year.

Elliott Kalan

[35:23] Every year I keep a list of the movies I watched that year.

[35:26] Yeah.

[35:26] I'm up to...

[35:27] This is kind of crazy, but I think I'm on my 43rd or 44th movie so far this year.

Dan McCoy

[35:33] Not yet the end of February.

Elliott Kalan

[35:35] It's nuts.

[35:35] I tell my wife that at a pride and she says,

[35:38] We need to spend more time together.

Stuart Wellington

[35:40] Do you put the Flophouse movies in italics or something?

Elliott Kalan

[35:42] No, I just list them.

[35:44] Look, I'm not ashamed.

[35:45] Sometimes I'm ashamed.

[35:45] When I...

[35:46] Writing out the Oogie Loves in the Big Balloon Adventure was a test.

[35:50] I'll admit it was a test of my personal honesty.

[35:52] And you're like,

[35:53] Why is Microsoft Word keep telling me this is wrong?

[35:57] The paperclip comes out and says,

[35:58] Excuse me, are you sure you want to admit that?

[36:01] It looks like you're making a mistake.

Dan McCoy

[36:05] Sorry, Dan, you were saying.

[36:06] It looks like you're writing a confession.

[36:10] No, I just...

[36:11] When talking about movies that we liked this past year,

[36:14] I'm sure we all went about it in different ways.

[36:17] I didn't want to necessarily focus on the best movies of the year

[36:22] because it's all the usual suspects.

[36:26] The usual suspects came out like 20 years ago.

[36:28] Yeah.

[36:28] Many of which actually did get nominated for...

[36:31] Well, he just made it all up.

[36:32] Verbal was just making up the story.

[36:34] He just made it all up.

Elliott Kalan

[36:34] Why should I give a shit?

[36:36] I thought he just...

[36:37] Oh.

[36:38] That's why he showed all that stuff in Chaz Palminteri's office.

[36:41] I thought Chaz Palminteri just didn't like his coffee.

Dan McCoy

[36:45] And smashed it on the floor.

[36:48] No, I just want to say that my favorite movie of the year,

[36:53] in my opinion, the best movie of the year was The Master.

[36:56] But I'm not going to go sort of further in that direction.

[36:59] I'm just going to talk about...

[37:00] The Beach Girls?

[37:01] I'm just going to list a few movies that I thought were either underseen

[37:05] in that they were not huge box office hits,

[37:09] or they're underrated in that maybe they didn't get a lot of critical praise,

[37:15] often because they are more genre-y films that don't get that kind of critical praise.

Elliott Kalan

[37:21] So this is stuff to watch on an airplane.

[37:24] Yeah, no, this is...

Dan McCoy

[37:24] These are enjoyable movies.

[37:27] One and a half thumbs up movies.

[37:29] No, these are movies that I really liked this last year.

[37:31] Bite off the other half of the thumb.

[37:33] They may be a little sillier, but I really enjoyed them.

[37:36] Okay.

[37:37] I'm not going to judge you, dude.

[37:38] Just say it.

[37:38] You got Haywire, the Steven Soderbergh mixed-mars-dark movie.

[37:41] It's a very fun movie.

[37:43] Cabin in the Woods.

[37:45] Yeah, of course.

[37:45] Loved it.

[37:46] Lockout, a.k.a. Space Jail.

[37:48] Oh, man.

[37:48] That is a lot of fun.

[37:49] Actually, yeah.

[37:50] For Best Picture.

Elliott Kalan

[37:52] Lockout.

[37:52] If you were allowed to give Best Picture to kind of like a fun,

[37:56] by-the-numbers genre movie that managed to heighten just through, like,

[38:00] Charm, then that's the one I would give it to.

[38:02] Yeah.

[38:02] Space Jail was a lot of fun.

Dan McCoy

[38:04] Head Hunters, which was a foreign thriller.

[38:08] I don't know that one.

[38:09] Thriller.

[38:10] Based on a book by Joe Nesbo,

[38:13] who is a popular Scandinavian thriller writer.

[38:17] Killer Joe.

[38:21] Dread, which I actually enjoyed quite a bit.

[38:24] Is that different from Dread 3D?

[38:26] Yeah.

[38:27] Well, I mean, at home, it would be just Dread.

[38:32] And Premium Rush.

Elliott Kalan

[38:34] Yeah, I enjoyed that a lot, too.

[38:35] It's a silly bicycle movie.

[38:36] That's one that, depending on who you talk to in our office,

[38:40] was either a really good movie or a really bad movie.

[38:44] But I have to admit, I liked that a lot.

[38:45] I thought that was really fun.

[38:46] And frankly, I would have nominated Michael Shannon, I think,

[38:51] for Best Supporting Actor for his role as the evil but kind of stupid

[38:55] ruptured cop.

Elliott Kalan

[38:55] Yeah, I didn't actually make it to see it,

Stuart Wellington

[38:58] but I've heard only good things about his crazy performance.

Elliott Kalan

[39:01] It's a lot of fun, and his performance manages to harness.

[39:04] He always seems crazy.

[39:06] Yeah.

[39:06] Always.

Stuart Wellington

[39:07] Except in Bug, where he is totally right.

[39:09] The government is trying to bug that guy.

Elliott Kalan

[39:11] Yeah, just trying to annoy him.

[39:13] That's what it's about.

[39:15] Government's bugging me.

[39:16] Stop poking me, government.

[39:18] But like, or in Bug, or My Son, My Son, What Have You Done,

[39:22] or Revolutionary Road, he comes off as super nuts all the time.

[39:26] And in Premium Rush, they manage to make him a little bit more

[39:29] of a grounded character who also is still crazy.

[39:34] And he pulls it off really nicely.

Stuart Wellington

[39:36] It's like all those crazy characters had sex with his character

[39:40] from that Boardwalk Empire,

[39:43] and they gave birth to a half-crazy, half-normal baby.

[39:46] Yeah, exactly.

[39:47] Which was sent to an orphanage.

Elliott Kalan

[39:49] And then, wait, is his character from an orphanage?

[39:52] No, no.

[39:53] Okay.

[39:54] Just saying it wasn't raised by people.

[39:56] It was raised by spirits.

[39:57] Okay.

[39:57] In an abandoned monastery.

Stuart Wellington

[39:59] Oh, this is great.

[40:00] Let me write this down.

Elliott Kalan

[40:01] Okay.

[40:02] What about you, Stuart?

[40:03] What were some of your favorites of the year?

Stuart Wellington

[40:06] Well, I mean, of course, The Hobbit, An Unexpected Journey.

[40:10] I don't think that's a big surprise.

[40:11] Yeah, no.

[40:13] I threw, I mean, anytime Peter Jackson puts out a movie

[40:16] that isn't The Lovely Bones,

[40:17] it's probably going to go up there in my favorite movies.

[40:21] Cabin in the Woods, of course.

[40:23] Looper.

[40:23] Did you say Looper?

Dan McCoy

[40:24] I didn't say Looper because I thought that it got enough attention,

[40:27] but I think I enjoyed that movie a lot.

[40:28] But you liked Looper because Looper's great.

Stuart Wellington

[40:29] I liked Looper a lot also.

[40:32] I thought there were some pretty good big action movies, like, obviously.

[40:36] And a good day to die hard?

Elliott Kalan

[40:38] Yeah, wait, what?

[40:39] No, that was this year.

[40:40] You'll wait until next year's Floptacular for you to tell me how much you liked that.

Stuart Wellington

[40:43] Like, The Dark Knight Rises, The Avengers, and Skyfall.

[40:46] I think we're all good big budget action movies.

[40:49] But I'm going to cheat, and I'm going to throw in a movie that was a December 2011 release.

[40:54] Is that...

[40:55] I think we're going to have to ask for your badge and gun.

[40:59] You're off the force.

[41:00] I'm going to ask you why you've got a badge and gun.

[41:02] That's the nicest police chief I've ever seen.

Elliott Kalan

[41:04] I think I'm going to have to ask you for your badge and gun if that's okay.

[41:10] Don't hate me.

Stuart Wellington

[41:12] I'd say Martha Marcy May Marlene really affected me, if anything, because John Hawks is fucking awesome.

[41:20] He is awesome.

[41:21] He's hawksome.

[41:22] And for a small genre picture, Ty West's The Innkeepers was great.

[41:29] I enjoyed that a lot.

Elliott Kalan

[41:30] I actually have to admit I enjoyed it more when it wasn't being scary.

[41:36] Yeah, well...

[41:36] I loved...

[41:37] If that had been a movie about two people working in a hotel who try to find a ghost and don't,

[41:42] I would have...

[41:43] I think it might have been my favorite movie of the year.

[41:46] After Moonrise Kingdom.

[41:47] But instead it went for scares.

Stuart Wellington

[41:49] But, I mean, when it comes to scares, he's great at it.

Elliott Kalan

[41:52] He's great.

[41:53] But there was just something...

[41:54] The scenes between them, it was like watching a really great sitcom pilot in a lot of ways.

[42:00] The characters felt very real and interacted in a way I liked, and it was very funny.

[42:04] And it was weird to just see Lena Dunham show up for one scene.

Dan McCoy

[42:08] There's something about that movie, too.

[42:09] It was beautifully shot in a way that kind of reminds me of movies that I grew up with as a kid.

[42:16] And I can't kind of put my finger on what it did, like the technique.

[42:21] Like the way the camera moved reminded me of kind of that early Spielberg era stuff.

Elliott Kalan

[42:27] Well, that's not...

[42:28] Ty West does so much stuff that is of an earlier era in his style.

Stuart Wellington

[42:34] And because it was shot in like an old bed and breakfast, it totally reminded me of, yes, Puppet Master.

[42:42] Awesome.

[42:43] Puppet Master.

Elliott Kalan

[42:44] Thanks, Jared.

[42:45] Full Moon Pictures Puppet Master.

[42:47] In case you were thinking it was The Puppet Masters, which is not the movie he's talking about, based on the Robert Heinlein novel.

[42:54] So, Elliot.

[42:55] I mean, my picks are pretty standard.

[42:58] I was trying to think...

[42:59] I didn't see a lot...

[43:00] Usually I don't see independent and foreign films until a year or two later when they're on video.

[43:05] And I was trying to keep myself to just stuff I saw...

[43:07] Why don't you just go down to Canal Street and buy them from some guy off of a blanket?

[43:12] I don't buy anything off a blanket.

[43:14] Just a principle I have.

[43:15] Sure.

[43:16] I'll eat things off a blanket.

[43:18] I'll go to picnics.

[43:19] Come on.

[43:19] I'm not going to buy something off a blanket.

[43:21] What am I, an animal?

[43:22] That's what animals do.

[43:25] Anyway, but my favorite movie overall, I think it was Moonrise Kingdom.

[43:29] But I liked Innkeepers a lot.

[43:31] My favorite big movie was The Avengers.

[43:33] And there was something inside of me as a longtime Marvel zombie who really enjoyed how successful that movie...

[43:40] Like, took pride in how successful it was in a weird way.

[43:43] Even though...

Stuart Wellington

[43:43] Like you feel justified in liking Marvel Comics all these years.

Elliott Kalan

[43:46] Now I find...

[43:47] Now, it must be the way you feel about Game of Thrones and George R. R. Martin now that that show's a big hit.

Stuart Wellington

[43:51] Kind of, except I don't watch the show anymore because I'm too much of a nerd that likes the books.

Elliott Kalan

[43:55] But, I mean, the only thing that makes it bittersweet is that none of the people who create any of those characters got a dime, which was terrible.

[44:03] But, hey, what are you going to do?

[44:05] The movie was still good, right?

[44:07] I thought Skyfall up to the moment when...

[44:10] Up to the point when they leave the supervillain island was fantastic and one of the better Bond movies I've seen in a...

[44:18] I think in a long time were in total.

[44:21] And I liked a lot of the ones you guys mentioned.

[44:23] Looper, Cabin in the Woods.

[44:24] I liked Silver Linings Playbook a lot.

[44:26] It managed to be a...

[44:28] In some ways corny, by the numbers Hollywood romantic movie.

[44:33] But in a way that hid that enough that I really enjoyed it.

Stuart Wellington

[44:37] And it starred Flophouse fave Bradley Cooper.

[44:39] It starred Bradley Coopsey.

Elliott Kalan

[44:40] Who is literally limitless.

[44:42] And you got...

[44:43] And not only was Jennifer Lawrence giving a great performance in it, but she got to see her butt in very tight pants.

[44:48] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[44:49] Not gross.

[44:50] Not gross at all.

[44:50] That's called value added.

Elliott Kalan

[44:52] Value...

[44:52] Exactly.

[44:54] I liked Beasts of the Southern Wild a lot.

[44:56] And for sure...

[44:57] In terms of sheer spectacle, I really enjoyed Prometheus.

[45:00] If you don't try to figure out the character motivations, because they don't exist,

[45:04] and you don't convince yourself there's something more going on in the movie than what you're seeing,

[45:08] I really enjoyed it a lot.

Stuart Wellington

[45:09] But what if we met our creator and he hated us, Elliot?

Elliott Kalan

[45:13] I almost have to assume he would.

[45:16] There's no way I see the creator of humanity meeting us and being like,

[45:19] yes, you got it perfect.

[45:20] You nailed it.

[45:21] That's exactly what I intended you to be like.

[45:24] I think it would happen almost like that way.

[45:27] Toddlers in tiaras.

[45:28] That's what I wanted.

[45:29] I think there's maybe...

[45:31] At Premium Russia, I think there's no scene, though, of the year that I got as much sheer

[45:36] visceral joy out of as her using that robot to pull a baby squid out of her belly.

[45:41] Yeah.

[45:42] That was set like...

[45:43] And then it just stapling her shut.

[45:45] Like, that is the kind of scene that I couldn't see working in any other medium.

[45:49] And it was so crazy and so wholeheartedly sold, you know?

[45:54] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[45:54] I remember being cornered at my birthday party this last year by a very drunk friend who

[46:01] was complaining about that scene because he's like, oh, then she just, you know, she got

Stuart Wellington

[46:04] up and she was running around for the rest of the movie.

Dan McCoy

[46:07] Like, you can't do that with, like, a major abdominal surgery.

[46:10] And I'm like, you don't understand.

[46:13] This is a movie.

[46:15] Like, if you were worried about that logic, we wouldn't get the scene where a robot pulled

[46:19] an alien out of her.

[46:21] Well, yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[46:21] What's with all the magic?

Dan McCoy

[46:23] Yeah.

[46:25] You wouldn't...

[46:25] Look, if...

[46:25] What's with space travel across galaxies?

[46:28] If you just saw...

Elliott Kalan

[46:29] Why does that guy look like Peter O'Toole?

[46:31] If you just saw a robot give an emergency C-section to an astronaut and pull a squid baby out and

[46:37] staple her shut and you're in a space pod and she's running from an alien and you're like,

[46:43] she'd never be able to run like that with those staples in, then you should not be watching

[46:47] that movie.

[46:47] I'm going to have to ask for your badge and your gun in that movie.

Stuart Wellington

[46:51] But I feel that level of, like, that suspension of disbelief seems to...

[46:56] For some reason, I feel like The Avengers gets a pass, whereas a movie like Prometheus

[47:01] doesn't.

[47:02] When, like, The Avengers is filled with crazy, ridiculous comic book logic, but people are

[47:06] like, oh, okay, whatever.

[47:07] Yeah, he's Thor.

Elliott Kalan

[47:08] Bullshit.

[47:08] Whatever.

[47:08] I think because a lot of people seem to convince themselves for some reason that Prometheus was

[47:13] not, like, a crazy popcorn movie, which is what it is.

[47:16] They thought that this was going to be, like, some kind of meditation on humanity and then

[47:21] you apply some kind of logic or meaning to it.

[47:23] But it's like this crazy popcorn movie.

[47:26] It's like, and, you know...

[47:26] Filled with, like, images of heavy metal album covers.

[47:29] Exactly.

[47:30] And on that level, I adored it.

[47:32] So there you go.

Dan McCoy

[47:34] So we've kind of given our recommendations there, I would say.

[47:37] So I would say let's skip the recommendation segment.

[47:41] I'd say that, too.

[47:41] And make our last segment of the evening letters.

Elliott Kalan

[47:45] Letters!

[47:48] Letters are brought to you by you.

[47:51] I mean, not hands brought to you.

[47:54] Brought to you by the letter U and the letter letter.

[47:59] These letters are brought to you by the invention of writing.

[48:03] Thanks, ancient Babylon.

Dan McCoy

[48:07] So this missive is from Andy Lasting with Held.

[48:11] Thanks, Andy, for writing in.

Elliott Kalan

[48:13] Wait, I should have waited until I said...

[48:14] Yeah, I heard what he said.

[48:15] Elliot sucks.

[48:17] Oh, why did I thank him?

Dan McCoy

[48:18] He says, your podcast always makes my day.

[48:20] I've listened to your back catalog at least three times.

[48:22] And at this point, I think I owe you some form of repayment.

[48:26] But since I'm not gainfully employed at the moment,

[48:28] allow me to pay you in internet money, a.k.a. memes.

[48:32] Okay.

[48:33] I mean, you're listening to us as payment enough.

[48:35] As you may know,

[48:36] The Walking Dead recently featured a zombie child named Penny.

[48:39] I'm avoiding spoilers here, I promise.

[48:41] I don't care.

[48:42] I mean, I don't watch that show.

[48:44] I don't watch it.

[48:45] She's both adorable and terrifying because, well, she's a zombie child.

[48:48] So I ask you, what if zombie Penny met a dinosaur?

[48:51] Who would eat whom?

[48:53] What if the dinosaur was also a zombie?

[48:55] That's what I was going to ask.

[48:56] The possibilities are endless.

[48:57] I look forward to hearing your theories.

[48:58] The possibilities are not endless.

[48:59] There are four of those possibilities.

[49:01] Actually, you were incorrect.

Stuart Wellington

[49:02] So tied in with the best of episode,

[49:05] I do want to say best zombie baby still goes to the zombie baby in Dead Alive slash Braindead.

[49:11] And best zombie dinosaurs go to Scud the Disposable, Sass in the comic book.

[49:15] Oh, yeah.

[49:16] Those are some great zombie dinosaurs in that.

Dan McCoy

[49:18] Now, I mean, here's the question.

[49:20] If zombie Penny bit a dinosaur, does the zombie disease carry over to a dinosaur?

Elliott Kalan

[49:27] I have to assume it's an interspecies disease.

[49:29] Yeah?

[49:29] Yeah.

[49:30] If a monkey scratch can give it to you, as in Dead Alive.

[49:36] Sure.

[49:37] Then, I mean, it was a special kind of monkey.

[49:39] But these are extinct animals.

[49:41] Just some stupid old monkey.

[49:42] It wasn't just some old Bonobo they found in the bottom of a laundry hamper or something.

Dan McCoy

[49:47] Being extinct animals, maybe they have a different resistance to zombie disease.

Elliott Kalan

[49:52] Or I would say it's more likely that they are more susceptible to it.

[49:55] When you have had no exposure to a disease, it's usually worse for you.

Dan McCoy

[50:00] Did the dinosaurs were killed by zombies?

Stuart Wellington

[50:03] If no, because they'd still be walking around.

[50:05] They were killed by babies.

[50:08] An army of babies sent back to the past to save our world.

[50:12] What I'm more interested in is, does the zombie baby have really strong teeth?

[50:17] Or does the dinosaur have really weak skin?

[50:21] Yeah.

[50:22] Because babies could bite my hand all the time.

[50:24] They're not going to fuck it up.

[50:25] Yeah.

[50:25] Like, I won't bleed at all.

[50:26] And dinosaurs have super thick skin.

[50:28] And their skin, I would assume, is thicker than mine.

[50:30] Yeah, you can insult them all day.

Elliott Kalan

[50:31] It doesn't even faze them.

Dan McCoy

[50:33] Also, like, I don't, I don't, that, I feel like the dinosaur would have to sort of, like,

[50:37] walk by the baby, like, within.

[50:40] Is it a baby or is it a toddler?

[50:42] Oh, I don't know.

Elliott Kalan

[50:43] Two very different things.

[50:44] Because a toddler can just chase a dinosaur.

[50:45] Yeah, I think the answer, I think the answer to this is need more facts.

[50:48] Is it a little mover?

[50:50] This is what would happen.

[50:51] The dinosaur begins swallowing the child.

[50:54] Okay.

[50:54] The child, not dead because it's a zombie, bites the softer flesh on the inside of the dinosaur's throat.

[51:00] So, probably pretty tough.

[51:02] I don't think it's going to be that tough.

[51:03] It's still, like, you know, mucous membrane and things like that, right?

[51:06] Oh, okay.

[51:06] I don't know what goes on inside a person or an animal.

[51:08] But you got to believe there's softer parts in there.

[51:12] All right.

[51:12] And then the dinosaur gets zombified.

[51:14] But the kid is still inside the dinosaur's belly, eating its way out from the inside, but can't get through the skin.

[51:20] So, it just kind of ricochets around forever inside this immortal zombie dinosaur.

Stuart Wellington

[51:24] So, it doesn't have, like, a porky pig.

[51:26] That's all, folks.

[51:27] Where it bursts out of the dinosaur's belly.

[51:28] Maybe it comes out of the dinosaur's pooper.

[51:31] Okay.

[51:32] Oh, okay.

[51:34] I'm into that.

Dan McCoy

[51:37] This one is titled Peaches the Musical from Andrea L.N. Withheld.

Stuart Wellington

[51:43] Is that a musical based on the works of the artist Peaches?

Dan McCoy

[51:46] Well, yeah.

[51:47] Here we go.

[51:48] Hey, guys.

[51:48] I really like you and you make me laugh, especially when you talk about crazy and plausible off-the-wall ideas like Peaches starring in a musical.

[51:55] But wait, that really happened.

[51:57] She did a one-woman production of Jesus Christ Superstar, which Elliot mentions is a sing-along favorite.

Elliott Kalan

[52:02] Yeah.

[52:03] It's one of my favorite musicals.

Dan McCoy

[52:04] As far as I know, she only did it a few times in Berlin, but I was delighted to watch it and was by far one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen.

[52:11] It included her playing Jesus and, at the end, being crucified on a cross made of papier-mâché phalluses.

[52:18] I'm not sure you can see the full thing anywhere, but here's a clip.

[52:21] Roll it.

[52:24] I'll throw the clip up on the list.

Elliott Kalan

[52:27] Is there anything we need to know before you set up this clip?

[52:29] No.

[52:31] Peaches.

[52:32] Can you hear me?

[52:33] We can't.

[52:34] It's not a video podcast.

Dan McCoy

[52:36] Oh, sorry.

[52:36] I'll put the clip on the website.

[52:39] Wait.

[52:39] Was this letter written by Peaches?

Stuart Wellington

[52:41] Is that what it is?

[52:41] No, but she's here to promote it.

[52:43] Oh, okay.

Dan McCoy

[52:43] Also, I just want to say, I'm an American living in New Zealand, and I need to keep listening to you every day.

[52:48] Pronounce Nozelem.

[52:51] And I need to keep listening to you every day so I don't slip into this horrible accent.

[52:55] Now that's, come on.

[52:55] It's a lovely, silly accent.

[52:58] It's a wonderful accent.

Elliott Kalan

[52:58] And it's way better than a South African accent.

[53:00] Come on.

[53:01] You heard those people talk?

[53:02] Ooh.

[53:02] Take that, Invictus.

Dan McCoy

[53:05] Take that, District 9.

Stuart Wellington

[53:08] But seriously, New Zealand accent, amazing.

[53:11] I like it, yeah.

[53:13] Lobo Morunga.

Elliott Kalan

[53:14] I mean, that's not the most accurate New Zealand accent.

Dan McCoy

[53:18] This next email is titled, No Subject.

[53:23] What?

[53:24] It's a mystery box.

[53:27] It's from That Which We Dare Not Speak Its Name.

[53:30] Oh, okay.

[53:31] And he says...

[53:32] Nyarlathotep, The Crawling Chaos.

[53:33] I'll say it.

[53:34] David Kalin.

[53:35] Oh, no.

[53:36] No, no.

[53:37] It better not be.

[53:38] He says, Dear Flopazoids,

[53:40] to echo a question from the site comments,

[53:42] I would also like to know what's going on with Elliot and Hallie.

[53:46] Is she merely his work wife?

[53:48] Or is she Elliot's manic pixie dream girl?

[53:51] Sorry to ignore your art and concentrate on the personal lives of the artist,

[53:54] but everyone else at work has a reality show they follow religiously,

[53:57] and I do not.

[53:58] While I need to fit in with others,

[53:59] I still have the hipster need for upmanship.

[54:02] I think he means one upmanship.

[54:05] What is that like when you get next to life in Mario?

[54:08] I'm far too cool to lower myself to the level of the Kardashians or the Real Housewives.

[54:13] I need a reality show full of ironic cultural references.

[54:18] Uh-huh.

[54:18] What better subject matter for such a show than the real scripted lives of those that make up

[54:22] randacious cultural references about movies?

[54:27] At season end, you could have a...

[54:28] That's not a word.

[54:29] Maybe that's a New Zealand word.

[54:31] For all hour.

[54:32] At season end, you could have a wrap-up podcast about the making of the podcast podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[54:37] No, we would do just like they do on Bravo.

[54:39] We'd have a show right after each episode that talks about that previous episode.

Dan McCoy

[54:42] But to get to the meat of this question,

[54:44] I saw a comment on the Rock of Ages podcast online that this gentleman is referring to.

[54:50] I did not see that comment.

[54:51] Intimating some sort of romance between you and Hallie.

[54:54] Whoa.

[54:54] What?

[54:55] And calling me a third wheel on that episode, which I found odd because we spent a lot of

[55:00] that Rock of Ages episode talking about how Hallie and I were singing along to the songs together

[55:05] and you refused to sing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:06] Hey, well, look.

[55:07] I don't know.

[55:08] I can't explain the mind of the comment writer, but I would say Hallie and I are just good friends.

[55:14] She is just my office mate, and if anything, we have more of a brother-sister relationship.

[55:18] Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

Dan McCoy

[55:19] As someone who works down the hall from you, you guys are more like twins than you and your twin are, I feel like.

Elliott Kalan

[55:26] Yeah, like Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito.

[55:28] She lifts up the backs of cars, and I'm like,

[55:31] Hey, Mom had twins?

[55:33] Oh, way to go.

Dan McCoy

[55:34] Yeah, you're a goofy brother and sister for sure.

Elliott Kalan

[55:36] I would say anyone who walks into our office and sees that the door is closed to our office,

[55:41] no, we're not doing it.

[55:43] We're just bad-mouthing the people we work with.

[55:47] But there's no romance there.

[55:49] The only romance is between me and my lovely wife.

Dan McCoy

[55:53] So this last letter of the show.

[55:57] Of the Floptacular Flop Awards.

[55:59] Is.

[56:00] Letters section.

[56:01] Is from.

[56:02] Rated R.

[56:03] David, Elliot's brother, last name.

[56:04] Oh, God in heaven.

[56:07] Dear Flopazoids.

[56:09] What the.

Elliott Kalan

[56:09] Wait, is Flopazoids suddenly what we are now?

[56:13] Flopazoids sounds like a really crappy 80s Ninja Turtles ripoff.

[56:17] Like, we're the four Flopazoids.

[56:20] We came from the future.

[56:21] And really floppy, I guess.

[56:23] Look, I don't know.

Stuart Wellington

[56:25] That would be a crappy show.

Dan McCoy

[56:28] It got canceled two minutes into the first episode.

[56:31] He writes, I was listening to your most recent Nick Cage extravaganza, which was totally recorded

[56:36] after the Bratz live event and had a few grievances I had to air.

[56:40] General grievances.

Stuart Wellington

[56:42] Why does he have a heart inside a robot chest?

Dan McCoy

[56:45] Why is he still coughing when he's a robot?

[56:47] Had a few grievances I had to air while.

[56:48] He doesn't have an esophagus.

[56:50] While Elliot and Stuart moan irritatedly in the background.

[56:53] Oh.

[56:54] First of all, I want to make it clear to everyone that while I do appreciate.

[56:58] I want to make it clear to everyone that while I do appreciate the support from writers clamoring

[57:04] for my freedom, I have not been locked in a cell, forced to wear an iron mask, or kept

[57:08] from watching football by my brother or other Flopazoids hosts.

[57:11] Though considering how the Giants have played the past two months, obviously this is an old

[57:15] letter, perhaps the last one.

[57:17] Yes.

[57:18] The Super Bowl was like 100 years ago.

[57:19] It would not be so awful.

[57:22] Why Elliot would spread such lies is beyond me.

[57:24] But I hope the listening public hasn't become too concerned about my well-being.

[57:28] I can almost guarantee that they have not.

[57:31] Next, I believe my brother...

[57:33] Even the letter reader is taking pot shots.

[57:35] Next, I believe my brother referred to the Althang as a traditional Viking meeting place.

[57:40] While the original Althang in Iceland was established by Viking descendants sometime around

[57:44] 930 AD, I believe Iceland's National Assembly, which has met continuously since then, is the

[57:50] only gathering or legislative body to have actually taken the name Althang.

[57:54] Which I learned when I went to see...

[57:56] When he went to Iceland.

[57:57] The Althang's original meeting place in Thingvillir National Park in Iceland this past summer.

[58:04] They only had one word at the time, Thing.

Elliott Kalan

[58:06] So everything was Thing back then.

Dan McCoy

[58:08] I suppose I could be wrong about this.

[58:10] And if I am, I have no doubt Elliot will waste a little time telling me so.

[58:13] No.

[58:14] Lastly, I was shocked and appalled to hear Elliot's offense and anger over the thoughtless

[58:17] gift he received from a, quote, close relative.

[58:20] Was the National Treasure Criterion Collection DVD block set I gave him for his 30th birthday

[58:24] not good enough?

[58:24] It's a block set.

Elliott Kalan

[58:25] It's a set of blocks.

Dan McCoy

[58:28] Your irritant and or brother, David.

Elliott Kalan

[58:31] The present I got was not from him.

[58:33] I will not reveal the identity or the gift as it might reveal the identity or the occasion.

[58:38] But needless to say, David, thanks for writing in.

[58:41] Please never do again.

[58:42] I'm actually going to see him this Friday and I will have to needle him about this.

Dan McCoy

[58:47] So guys...

Elliott Kalan

[58:48] I guess he didn't like when at the live screening we called him out and let the audience gaze

[58:55] upon his magnificence.

Dan McCoy

[58:57] Yeah, well, you know, I feel like that that would be the source of his strength.

[59:03] What, people's attention?

Stuart Wellington

[59:04] Yeah, like Superman gaining power from the Earth's yellow sun.

[59:06] Oh, yeah.

[59:07] I thought he gained power from the shadows that he slinks around in.

[59:11] Who am I?

[59:11] Like some kind of rat man.

[59:13] This is my brother you're talking about?

Elliott Kalan

[59:15] Yeah.

[59:16] Like some kind of rat man.

Stuart Wellington

[59:18] Like some kind of sewer-dwelling Chud figure.

Elliott Kalan

[59:22] Like some kind of sports-loving Chud.

[59:24] Just a Chud with a football helmet on, biting people's legs off.

Stuart Wellington

[59:28] It would totally be a good idea if you're a Chud or a football helmet.

Elliott Kalan

[59:31] Like Chud to Bud the Chud.

[59:33] That was the High Times Chud crossover.

Dan McCoy

[59:36] Well, another floptacular is...

Elliott Kalan

[59:38] And of course, Chud 3, National Lampoon's Club Chud Vacation.

[59:43] Starring the Corys.

Stuart Wellington

[59:43] Is it a club run by Chuds?

[59:45] Or is it a club that is Chud like appropriate?

Elliott Kalan

[59:48] The only people who ever watched it have gone insane.

[59:50] And then there's...

[59:51] So nobody knows.

[59:53] And then there's...

[59:53] But the poster is a Chud's head between a bunch of boobs.

Dan McCoy

[59:56] There's C. Hud starring Paul Newman.

[59:58] But that's another Floptacular come and gone.

[1:00:03] We need to sign off for the Flophouse.

[1:00:06] I've been Dan McCoy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:07] I'm still Stuart Wellington.

[1:00:08] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[1:00:10] Good night, everybody.

[1:00:11] Good night!

[1:00:12] Keep reaching for the stars, but only with their permission.

[1:00:16] Good night.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:17] That was a good warm-up, guys.

[1:00:18] Let's start the real one, right?

[1:00:20] Fucking just go with it, dude.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:36] Just go with it.

[1:00:37] Starring Adam Sandler.

[1:00:38] Brooklyn Decker.

[1:00:40] Cameron...

[1:00:41] No, she wasn't in there.

[1:00:42] Jennifer Aniston.

[1:00:43] Jennifer and Meowiston.

[1:00:44] Nicole Mankid.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:46] Jennifer Meowiston, yeah.

[1:00:48] And Dave Matthews, right?

[1:00:50] I...

[1:00:50] From the Dave Matthews Band.

Elliott Kalan

[1:00:51] Was he?

[1:00:52] No, no.

[1:00:52] His name is Dave Matthews Band.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:54] David Matthews.

[1:00:56] Dave M. Band.

The Flop House: Awards Floptacular 2013!

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