Flop House Classic - Old Dogs

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss the most terrifying horror movie ever made, John Travolta and

[0:05] Robin Williams in Old Dogs.

[0:30] Please see the complete disclaimer at https://sites.google.com or at https://sites.google.com

[0:54] All information on this website is purely information and should not be used as the

[1:25] sole basis for making financial decisions.

[1:31] The opinions rendered herein are those of the guests, and not necessarily those of Douglas

[1:54] Brown, Profile Investment Services, Ltd., or Israel National News.

[1:59] Readers should consult with a professional financial advisor before making any financial

[2:04] decisions.

[2:05] Please see the complete disclaimer at https://sites.google.com or at https://sites.google.com.

[10:00] someone cut out pictures of john travolta and rob williams faces and

[10:04] then pasted them on yet over it and then they shot that like you know it still is

[10:08] from like more and welcome back hotter

[10:11] uh... they put on their with you know

[10:13] there was a show on like a crossover show

[10:16] now i'm talking about the the shows more commended i'll go

[10:19] more than a welcome back marker

[10:21] uh... was a crossover show yeah

[10:24] uh...

[10:25] so that's

[10:26] so that's not choice of a

[10:29] lo and behold the caravan in it

[10:31] mobile telepresses

[10:34] well we we uh... we find out rob williams is the straight laced one

[10:38] and uh... john travolta is the wild man who's also a ladies man

[10:43] a wild hog a wild hog they're playing against type in that rob williams as we

[10:47] all know is manic

[10:48] in real life

[10:49] and later and john travolta is

[10:51] possibly gay in real life so

[10:54] they're playing as type it's like a star

[10:57] said not a successful okay

[11:00] and uh...

[11:01] i guess uh... robin williams has been kids they didn't know about robin well

[11:05] okay let me

[11:07] tell you let me tell you the story of all dogs hopefully let me tell you that

[11:09] it will be seen you a tale that would be more than any and shorter than the film

[11:13] will

[11:14] uh...

[11:15] i hope shorter because it's an eighty seven minute film yeah

[11:17] and i don't think i should tell it but that sort of detail in real time okay we

[11:21] open on new york city

[11:24] inside the office smash cut to it

[11:28] okay

[11:29] the earth is a boiling mass

[11:31] what right now we have to get to the space ark

[11:35] so the two of them are high-powered sports marketing agents of some type

[11:39] uh... they're about to do a big deal with the japanese company that does

[11:42] something

[11:43] uh... we're never quite sure what that is japanese sports is what they do

[11:46] yeah i guess so what they basically do is japanese business like

[11:51] it's a it's a throwback to the eighties when japanese businessmen were all the

[11:54] rage

[11:54] uh... and john travolta tells a story about

[11:57] how when robin williams was reeling from his first divorce

[12:02] tricked him into going down to miami for a while to bachelor weekend

[12:05] wherein he got drunk and got married to kelly preston

[12:09] and then

[12:09] got a tattoo that was was a free man on his take on his chest

[12:13] but he has a free month

[12:15] and that's a runner is running gag in the film the weird thing about it is

[12:19] that just the size of the tattoo

[12:22] it would've taken multiple visits

[12:24] and i mean there's no way one drunken night he could've gotten that entire

[12:27] thing then

[12:28] like ran around with it exposed i mean it will be uninfected they could have

[12:32] had not been on like a like an eighty four hour bender

[12:34] uh... when they kept going back to the tent like uh... like a fear and loathing

[12:37] to make a bad choice over and over again

[12:40] but uh...

[12:41] like it like a groundhog day and that japanese businessmen are being

[12:44] interpreted by lori laughlin of tv's full house

[12:48] uh... who's doing speaking japanese radio's full house

[12:52] the original that ran from uh... nineteen forty one to uh... nineteen

[12:57] fifty two

[12:58] you are like an encyclopedia of fake radio knowledge

[13:01] uh...

[13:03] it turns out that uh...

[13:05] robin williams secretly got in touch with the woman that he was married to

[13:09] for a day

[13:10] in miami

[13:11] she has come back out of nowhere and brought with her two adorable seven-year-old

[13:15] moppets

[13:16] who are

[13:17] his son his children

[13:18] she is

[13:20] she is uh...

[13:22] going to jail

[13:23] i'm trying to remember the nonsense plot

[13:26] she isn't going to see him because she's about to go to jail the next day she

[13:29] needs to have an excuse to leave him with these two children yeah she is she

[13:33] trespassed on a uh... she trespassed on a factory site

[13:37] now she's going to jail

[13:38] they've let her leave town and go to new york like an eco terrorist right

[13:42] yeah she's an eco terrorist yeah what's that? you leave ink everywhere

[13:46] no she's an eco terrorist

[13:49] but uh... somehow they've let her leave town even though she is going to jail

[13:52] within days

[13:54] drop her kids off it's kind of a bullshit thing to be

[13:57] go to prison for right

[13:59] uh... yes

[14:01] i mean

[14:01] well it's only implied by the movie but she actually killed three people

[14:05] in her act of eco terrorism implied as in never mentioned

[14:09] uh... it's part of my old dogs fanfic

[14:12] filling in the gaps i see

[14:15] there's a darkness behind her eyes that you can kind of tell from the like the

[14:19] crazy mugging that she does to try and keep up with robin williams

[14:23] it makes it clear that her soul is gone

[14:26] as yours is after watching the movie

[14:29] she

[14:30] drops her kids off

[14:31] i'm leaving out the part where her

[14:35] i'm leaving out the part where her friend the hand model is supposed to take

[14:38] care of the kids

[14:39] but robin williams slams a car trunk on her hands ruining them ruining them and

[14:43] her livelihood which by the way is then never mentioned again apparently that woman's life

[14:48] has just been ruined cavalierly in passing i assume she died in the hospital

[14:53] well especially because of the moment of her

[14:56] getting her fingers smacked like the moment of her mutilation

[14:59] she just makes a bunch of like

[15:01] like jerry lewis style faces and they play big girls don't cry really loud

[15:06] they play about seven she makes faces for like five minutes there's like five minutes of face

[15:11] like her eyes go crossed her tongue sticks out

[15:14] this is there's we should just mention this this is the most overacted movie

[15:19] in the history of the world i think it's certainly the most overacted movie we've watched from the flop out

[15:24] yeah it is

[15:25] manic

[15:25] the whole movie is edited as if it was a trailer just really fast scenes really

[15:29] fast cuts everyone talks really fast

[15:31] huge loud mutant pop songs everywhere no connection from one scene to the next

[15:35] no like no like oh okay this scene is ending with a question that's going to be answered in the next scene

[15:40] like no the next scene is going to be taken off in a different direction

[15:43] there's that hilarious scene where they take uh they accidentally mix up each other's pills

[15:48] well we'll get to that okay we'll get to that so anyway i jump the gun yeah and the shark unfortunately

[15:55] so i guess i'm on a downward slant yeah pretty much yeah we're thinking of replacing you with a new

[16:01] new character on this well it's like moonlighting like the the stewart charlene sexual tension was

[16:06] there and he jumped the shark when you proposed to her yeah like uh in the x-files exactly but also

[16:11] ruined your sexual tension with the two of us that's true right well no longer we will never

[16:16] mention that again that is not something we need to put in the minds of our listeners another time

[16:21] i mean that like the forbidden element of because i mean you guys are clear like you're married and

[16:25] you're engaged like and you know i was just kind of single so that forbidden element was really

[16:30] yeah it was less about the sex and more about the boundaries that were being broken absolutely like

[16:35] uh like a david cronenberg movie or something i don't know exactly yeah we're leaving like video

[16:41] drone it's like we're leaving the flesh behind entering a new world of consciousness i think

[16:45] they were pulsing oozing orifices or or anything like well not yet okay talk about anyway so what's

[16:53] wrong with you rob williams has to take care of these kids john travolta for whatever reason

[16:57] decides that's his job too even though they have a lot of work to do to land this japan deal

[17:03] it's because of the contrivance that that uh means that robin williams has to move in with

[17:08] john travolta which is that robin williams lives in an adults only um you know some sort of gated

[17:14] community and amy sedaris in her one scene comes out sees kids freaks out like an alarm goes off

[17:21] and then smash cut to robin williams moving in with john travolta and john travolta just kind of

[17:25] has samurai swords on his apartment in his apartment all over the place well he's a wealthy

[17:29] bachelor it goes goes without saying yeah the confirmed bachelor way and uh and he has a wait

[17:35] what what are you implying and all he is only life mate man who hasn't married his only life

[17:42] mate is an old dog symbolism oh i left out the part where robin williams gets locked in a tanning

[17:47] booth and sprayed with tanning lotion well please continue for a hundred hours yeah i wish the movie

[17:53] had also let that out and he comes out looking like george hamilton and uh he comes out and

[17:57] mysteriously disappears within they do a bit he until they get a couple of good like pakistani

[18:02] and mexican jokes well that's the thing they go to grand central station where he's going to meet

[18:07] kelly preston uh john travolta's convinced him he's got a tan up to look like a man sure and

[18:13] he all he looks like is a man with a very fake tan but an indian man and then a hispanic woman both

[18:19] stop him and ask him for directions in their native languages because robin williams looks

[18:24] so ethnic with this tan that's a tough scene for an actor to pull off but you know what robin

[18:28] williams he's got the chops oh yeah they're making a point they're making a point about

[18:32] our divided society guys that we should see beyond color people are only comfortable talking to uh

[18:37] people of their own uh race or creed to the two-dimensional manic flat cardboard character

[18:43] underneath or we can all join together in a hatred of old dogs so they go through a series of

[18:48] hilarious adventures involving going to a misadventure misadvent thank you uh-oh watch

[18:53] out because when the old dogs are in town trouble follows uh somebody will probably get hit in the

[18:58] groin uh many people get hit in the groin they will go to a uh camp for some reason they'll go

[19:03] to a boy scout type camp where there are no activities for children only for adults

[19:07] and people get beat up and uh a statue gets blown up and that matt dillon is there what i didn't

[19:13] understand was they made the decision to go to this camp really at the last minute where do they

[19:19] get uh where'd they get uniforms you know for the for the old dogs i think the same place that rob

[19:24] williams later gets the king costume that he wears while casually playing tea party with his daughter

[19:31] and the same place then he gets the puppet machine

[19:34] oh you mean the exoskeleton he wears that allows john dribble to control his actions yes because

[19:39] he doesn't know how to play yeah and that's provided by famous puppeteer blues artist

[19:44] bernie mac bernie mac who appears in the movie and then disappears instantly his final role by the

[19:49] way it's called a real orson welles situation it's called it's called uh having an avatar

[19:55] yes exactly you're saying this movie was just ahead of its

[20:00] time a little bit yeah okay um so they go to a boy scout type camp

[20:05] where uh they are mistaken for gay uh hilarious that's really strange in a

[20:10] kid's movie and they put their i don't know i don't know why two aging

[20:14] confirmed bachelors who are living together and her best friends would be

[20:18] they go to a rest day they go to a restaurant partners

[20:21] they go to a restaurant where they are thought to be grandparents

[20:24] embarrassing uh their pills get mixed up and they go through a and uh well

[20:30] here's okay here's the thing robin williams has these two kids john

[20:35] travolta is his business partner they have a huge account they have to land

[20:38] that involves playing golf with a japanese ceo because again this

[20:42] movie was originally written i assume in 1983

[20:44] sure uh why that's how business is done

[20:49] if he doesn't land the account the businessman's gonna bulldoze their

[20:53] their community center okay yeah that's why they have to break dance their way

[20:56] out of it uh why does john travolta take the kids

[21:01] to the to his girlfriend's beach house or lori

[21:05] laughlin's beach house not even his girlfriend

[21:07] and why does robin williams go play golf with the guy

[21:10] when really robin williams should take the kids and john travolta should just

[21:13] go about his business good point one might as well one might

[21:17] as well ask why seth green tags along with

[21:19] every personal uh event too that's true their assistant seth green

[21:23] who for some reason decides that he is their au pair i guess i don't know

[21:27] one might also ask why you know somebody who's got

[21:31] has a pretty successful little career you know uh being the producer of robot

[21:35] chicken and a variety of other types of programs

[21:38] like he's you know he's probably getting a paycheck

[21:40] why uh why why old dogs it's a real question you're constantly asked

[21:44] throughout your shows that whatever your

[21:46] individual opinion of them to like carry some sort of like

[21:50] uh minor credibility with like younger people

[21:53] and then was like i'm gonna go in with this uh this this john travolta

[21:58] uh robin williams family comedy he's not the only there's constant there's a

[22:01] stream of actors that you wonder why they're in this amy sidaris

[22:05] louise guzman deck shepherd uh i mean that guy's just along also at the

[22:12] matt dillon uh like you just wonder why kelly

[22:16] preston rita wilson rita wilson's husband is tom hanks

[22:20] she doesn't need the money yeah that old dogs was paying i mean colin hanks

[22:24] probably gives her a fairly good stipend i don't at this

[22:27] point i don't think she needs a stipend

[22:30] i laughed i laughed genuinely at three times in the movie and they're all just

[22:36] like stupid lines provided by louise guzman

[22:39] deck shepherd and justin long just a side individual scene

[22:42] and as i said during it it's like they stop by to remind you what jokes were

[22:47] just to like crush your spirit more when the rest of the movie happened oh we

[22:51] know what a funny joke is we'll give you one yeah now you

[22:54] can sit through 45 more minutes of this garbage

[22:57] yeah oh well what other okay but i forgot so you almost forget what it's

[23:00] like to laugh or smile

[23:03] it's like all joy like afterwards like i was looking at a bazooka joe comic

[23:09] and i couldn't even so i didn't even get a snicker out of it

[23:12] not even the chortle impossible not even the faintest

[23:17] shadow of a grin even one with mort yep uh worth the dead teenager what

[23:23] former marvel comics character i was left smearing ashes on my face and

[23:27] mourning and rending your garments yeah uh put on a hair shirt anyway their

[23:33] pills get mixed up by the kids so now robin williams is having

[23:36] hallucinations and john travolta's face is he's super hungry and his face is

[23:42] bizarrely uh twisted into a malformed smile no it's

[23:47] a smile x gas smile it looks exactly like batman it looks like the original

[23:51] tim burton batman but why would that be in this movie

[23:54] no you say that as if you say that as if no come on it's perfectly logical john

[23:57] travolta would have a smile x gas joker smile in old dogs

[24:02] it's just exactly what it is like you saw batman oh just give us that but the

[24:08] weird but they don't do it with like makeup it's done with computer effects

[24:11] the same way like the black hole sun video was done years

[24:14] ago it looks really weird yeah it looks a lot like the black hole sun and he

[24:17] also breaks up the uh grieving club that laurie laughlin has taken him to

[24:22] that ann margaret is for some reason presiding over why ann margaret like it

[24:26] doesn't yeah uh what other adventures do they have

[24:29] um they oh they get bernie they get the exoskeleton from bernie mac

[24:34] and uh robin williams moves around it's a lot like

[24:38] face off no it's all it's john travolta puts on a cat like puts on a weird

[24:44] censor suit and he's able to control robin williams yeah

[24:47] not unlike god like andy circus controlling gollum or uh

[24:51] or or being john malkovich or michael c hall

[24:54] controlling those guys in uh uh gamer gamer yeah i kept wanting to call it

[25:00] surrogates it's a different movie uh but wait a

[25:03] minute in surrogates you did the same thing right yeah you were but

[25:07] you were lying uh prostrate on a explain on a bed oh

[25:12] well there's probably a port in their head brain

[25:15] in their head yeah as opposed to the knee brain so there's that

[25:18] and then um and these and these scenes are all about

[25:23] six or seven minutes long and they whiz by with lots of loud music i would say

[25:27] they whiz by i would i i would say i got whiplash at

[25:31] least four times in this watching this movie yeah but they all

[25:34] seem to take much longer oh no well they feel like they take a hundred thousand

[25:37] years but um of solitude seth seth green is

[25:40] sent off to uh japan he's gonna take point on

[25:44] this but then he like apparently falls under under the spell of karaoke

[25:48] and disappears it disappears so um john travolta and uh robin williams have to

[25:54] go to japan they're told they're gonna move to japan

[25:57] when they problem is that robin williams realizes

[26:00] you know the thing that's missing in my life is these two kids that

[26:04] i'm you know i i had with this woman and i've known

[26:07] one night stand and i've known them for two weeks yeah known them for two weeks

[26:10] and i figured you know what they're awesome

[26:12] and the kids have zero personality they are boring

[26:16] one of them's a boy and one of them's a girl

[26:19] well you're right speaking as speaking as the boy half of boy girl twins

[26:23] yeah uh little twins are way more interesting than this movie makes them

[26:27] out to be i mean like i'm glad they didn't put

[26:29] too much effort into like the wacky shit the kids do

[26:33] because kids aren't really that interesting no no but they do sorry our

[26:36] kids listening sorry juniors sorry flop house junior

[26:40] commandos your dakota rings are in the mail but uh

[26:46] but robin williams uh throws the uh the big meeting

[26:50] well he got he meets up with the family and says i'm sorry i have to move to

[26:53] japan they are heartbroken oh yeah because they really like this

[26:56] they really love him after two weeks yeah he is like like a mrs doubtfire

[27:00] yeah i mean he acts he gets tan he wears

[27:03] outfits i mean he's got everything he screws up everything he complains about

[27:07] everything and he's probably significantly wealthier

[27:10] than they are yeah so i have to assume so uh they go

[27:13] to japan yeah he sees a video of them at an

[27:17] amusement park while he's supposed to give his big

[27:19] presentation to the japanese bosses like his computer's trying to tell him

[27:22] something he and john travolta had the computer wore tennis shoes

[27:28] yeah that's exactly what it looks like

[27:34] it's like a comp usa john travolta and ron williams have the

[27:39] end of act two fight between the two friends that puts them in different

[27:43] directions john travolta finds that he's

[27:45] immediately resolved yes because john travolta finds that his dog has died

[27:49] and ron williams shows up at the very elaborate dog funeral

[27:52] uh that he has thrown with all those dog buddies

[27:56] yeah there are a lot of dogs there they make up after the breakup

[28:00] and then decide to go shake up that family

[28:03] by making ron williams a part of it again and makes him shake and bake which

[28:06] involves them and seth green for lord knows what reason

[28:09] breaking into a zoo seth green is it's implied raped by a gorilla uh

[28:15] john travolta is attacked by penguins and robin williams straps on a sort of

[28:20] jet pack and flies over to where the kids are

[28:23] wearing like a super dave osborne yeah like a like a patriotic jumpsuit with a

[28:27] helmet so what you're saying is this is like

[28:29] it's a seamless movie i'm saying it's seamless plotting

[28:33] john waters um you know absurd uh surrealist it's a very almodovar film

[28:39] right well the thing is it's like this whole movie it has all these little

[28:42] elements and they all build up to this magnificent crescendo at the end of the

[28:46] movie oh yeah it's like a it's like a fine

[28:49] clockwork everything meshes together oh beautiful

[28:53] like a like a like a watch well that would be an example of clockwork

[28:59] um like an orange it all uh it all ends happily i guess it all for us

[29:04] who watched and then at the end they what happened i guess they find out

[29:10] they're all successful or something they're all successful and happy and

[29:12] they get on one year later john travolta has a boat and he's

[29:16] married to laurie laughlin and they have a baby that's it i thought that was

[29:19] robin williams and it's one of their listen they co-own

[29:22] everything yeah they share their wives and children

[29:25] alike they're oh man like they're like like at a key party they're crypto gay

[29:29] they're like changing and they've got a polyamorous relationship

[29:34] and um they switch off every month okay yeah they just really make it work

[29:39] together it's kind of hot well it may keep things well robin williams

[29:42] and john travolta are involved so it's not that hot yeah

[29:46] he's got that tattoo though right that makes him yes that says fremont

[29:50] it's weird because they make a big point of how they open his shirt to give him

[29:54] the tattoo and he's really got a hairy chest i have to shave his chest to put

[29:57] the tattoo on and i guess the tattoo

[30:00] Get into the hair follicles because they never grow back.

[30:03] Yeah, that's science.

[30:04] Yeah.

[30:05] Super science.

[30:08] So what, this was a well-made film.

[30:10] Yeah.

[30:11] You learned something interesting about this.

[30:14] Conrad Hall.

[30:16] Oh, yeah, Conrad Hall's work was all over this.

[30:19] I think they brought in tech Fujimoto to, uh.

[30:22] I've never seen an uglier movie in the way it's shot.

[30:25] But you learned something interesting about this

[30:27] on the internet, Elliot.

[30:28] And why don't you share that trivia with us?

[30:30] What about how it was originally meant to be?

[30:32] According to Wikipedia, I think, no, according to IMDB,

[30:38] so take it with a grain of salt, but I believe it.

[30:40] This was meant to be a comedy for adults

[30:43] at one point to be released via the Touchstone

[30:46] imprint of Walt Disney or Touchstone division

[30:50] that test audiences hated it so much.

[30:52] It was an R-rated movie.

[30:53] And an R-rated movie, it says.

[30:55] And that test audiences hated it so much

[30:57] that it was cut down from like 107 minutes or 117 minutes

[31:03] to 88 minutes to get a PG rating and to release it for kids.

[31:08] But it makes a little bit of sense

[31:10] that this would have been an adult comedy because there's

[31:12] so much in it that is like the two of them

[31:14] complaining about the ailments they have as they get older.

[31:18] The kids don't come into the movie for like 20 minutes.

[31:21] And that 20 minutes, so much of it

[31:23] is the story of Robin Williams and John Travolta

[31:25] getting drunk in Miami and having a whirlwind,

[31:29] like a one-night stand wedding.

[31:31] Like, there are a lot of two men who

[31:33] have like a great aching hole in their lives

[31:36] and they need to fill it whichever way they can.

[31:38] Kind of.

[31:39] Through collecting Curios and sleeping with underage women

[31:43] or, in the case of Robin Williams, I guess, being.

[31:46] Being a dad?

[31:47] Being married.

[31:48] Yeah, like being a dad.

[31:49] But there's also like, there's a joke where John Travolta's

[31:53] talking to kids and he's like, says something about casinos.

[31:56] Like, you ever been to a casino?

[31:57] And they're like, no.

[31:58] And he goes, well, you ever seen the movie Casino?

[32:00] And they go, no.

[32:01] And to get why that is supposed to be a joke,

[32:04] you have to know that Casino is not an appropriate movie

[32:06] for kids to have watched.

[32:07] But if there's any reality to that joke,

[32:10] then the child audience of this movie

[32:12] doesn't know what Casino is, wouldn't get the joke.

[32:15] And then like right after, he makes a comment about,

[32:18] you know, he's like, hey, these kids have never

[32:20] seen Friday the 13th part one and or two.

[32:23] And you're like, oh my god, I can't believe it.

[32:25] And later on, they're watching a Friday the 13th movie,

[32:27] not even one of the first two movies.

[32:29] Yeah.

[32:29] Infuriating.

[32:30] That's very, that's also very strange.

[32:32] As a Jake fan.

[32:33] I mean, that's a plot hole, yeah.

[32:34] As a line of dialogue, that's also strange, too.

[32:37] Because like, why does he stop there?

[32:39] Like, it seems like he would be like, he would either say,

[32:42] these kids have never seen Friday the 13th,

[32:44] or these kids have never seen a Friday the 13th movie.

[32:47] But he singles out the first two specifically.

[32:49] He feels like The Hockey Mask was really

[32:51] what made that series go downhill.

[32:53] He loved when Mrs. Voorhees was the killer, spoiler alert.

[32:56] He loved Baghead Jason, did not like The Hockey Mask.

[33:00] And I, even when, even taking Manhattan

[33:03] was not enough for him to like Jason again.

[33:06] Even going to space.

[33:08] Or hell.

[33:09] Or going bananas.

[33:11] Friday the 13th, 17, Jason goes bananas.

[33:14] Or being in Monte Carlo, which is also another Herbie

[33:17] reference.

[33:19] See guys, I can play, too.

[33:20] Yeah, yeah, that's great.

[33:21] Anyway, so I wish there was a Friday the 13th Jason in love.

[33:28] Who would he be in love with?

[33:30] A girl.

[33:31] Or a guy.

[33:32] It's 21st century, who knows?

[33:33] They can get married in California.

[33:35] Or a Smurf, maybe like that.

[33:37] Yeah, it's a Smurfs crossover.

[33:38] Well, here's something I'd like to talk about.

[33:44] I've pitched successful films before.

[33:46] We all remember how I pitched Ziggy,

[33:48] and it went on to be a number one film.

[33:50] Make over $700 million worldwide.

[33:52] OK, I don't remember that, but go on.

[33:53] I've been trying to get the idea of film crossovers

[33:56] off the ground for a while.

[33:57] For instance, Short Circuit 3 slash Terminator 5.

[34:02] World's not ready for it.

[34:04] World is very ready for it.

[34:06] Or say, Rocky.

[34:07] Who's going to be Johnny 5?

[34:09] Justin Bieber.

[34:11] It's Justin Bieber in a cardboard box.

[34:13] Yeah, going beep beep boop boop.

[34:16] All his dialogue is turned into beep beep boop boop.

[34:18] And all of his stunts would be performed by Amanda Bynes

[34:21] from She's the Man.

[34:22] I don't know.

[34:22] Amanda Bynes is not a stuntman.

[34:24] I don't know why she would do that.

[34:25] They look identical.

[34:26] Guys, by the way, she came back to acting

[34:30] after briefly retiring.

[34:31] So I know you guys were worried when she retired

[34:33] from acting for a week.

[34:34] Justin Bieber?

[34:35] Amanda Bynes.

[34:36] Oh, Amanda Bieber.

[34:39] Justin Bynes.

[34:40] Bieber Bobo.

[34:41] Why can't I find Amanda Bieber?

[34:44] Anyway.

[34:45] Come on down to Justin Bieber's, the best place

[34:48] for Bieber's cellular telephones, and so forth.

[34:52] That would be a business I would start.

[34:55] Well, you got a strike while you're on the internet.

[34:57] Well, I guess I'll work on my film crossovers pitch.

[35:00] I'm trying to get Rocky 6, Rambo 5 off the ground also.

[35:03] Sure.

[35:05] Rocky and Rambo finally together.

[35:06] So wait, what brought this up, the crossovers?

[35:09] The Smurfs and Jason Voorhees being in love with the Smurf.

[35:14] This is interesting.

[35:15] And riding around in Herbie all the time.

[35:17] This R-rated thing, that makes this the modern Kangaroo Jack,

[35:22] which was also supposed to be an R-rated action comedy.

[35:25] And then they're like, oh, all people care about

[35:27] is the rapping kangaroo.

[35:28] Let's make it into a children's film.

[35:29] Let's cut out all the swearing.

[35:30] Yeah, and well, let's advertise the film

[35:32] as if it's about a rapping kangaroo.

[35:34] But that was a success.

[35:35] That movie, it worked.

[35:36] Yeah, you know why that was a success?

[35:38] Because the advertising lied and made

[35:40] people think it was about a talking, rapping kangaroo.

[35:43] Which everyone wants to see.

[35:44] Every single shot, almost, in the commercials

[35:47] was from the same five-minute section of the film.

[35:51] Brilliant.

[35:51] I cannot imagine how disappointed the children must

[35:54] have been to watch the movie and, where's the kangaroo?

[35:57] When is Jack going to get there?

[35:58] I find David Wenham to be irritating.

[36:03] I'm glad Jerry O'Connell lost the weight, but still.

[36:08] He seems smug.

[36:11] Yeah, this was meant to be a different movie.

[36:13] It was still going to be a bad movie, I assume.

[36:15] This is not.

[36:15] What, Kangaroo Jack?

[36:17] Because I will fight you, sir.

[36:19] Old dogs.

[36:20] This is not The Magnificent Eversons,

[36:24] where a masterpiece was spoiled.

[36:29] It almost feels like you can't get angry at this movie.

[36:33] Wrong.

[36:35] No, four individuals.

[36:39] You can't object to individual things in it that

[36:41] don't make sense, just because the whole movie doesn't make

[36:43] sense.

[36:45] It is, as a whole, a completely bad movie.

[36:47] It is, yeah.

[36:48] It is of a piece.

[36:50] Yes, in that way, it may be a perfect work of art.

[36:54] I was going to complain, for instance, that, OK,

[36:57] there's a scene where all of the pills

[37:01] get dropped into the sink, and so they all get mixed up.

[37:04] So he's taking the wrong pills on the wrong day,

[37:06] and he ends up hallucinating things.

[37:08] And I'm like, there are no medicines where that would

[37:11] actually be what happens when there's a contrayer.

[37:14] Well, you don't know what kind of combinations.

[37:16] OK.

[37:17] I don't know.

[37:18] I don't actually think there's a contrayer.

[37:18] I think there might be medicines that cause hallucinations,

[37:21] but I don't know.

[37:22] Yeah, I mean, I don't know if it'd be medicine,

[37:24] so much as some kind of a recreational drug.

[37:30] Well, I guess that's what is not spelled out,

[37:33] but it is implicit.

[37:34] It was not unlike when a movie features a scene where

[37:40] characters take drugs, maybe smoke weed,

[37:43] or eat pot brownies.

[37:45] And the scene is clearly written or directed

[37:47] by somebody who has never done those things.

[37:50] So they just make it the craziest possible.

[37:52] So they start hallucinating and seeing things that aren't there.

[37:54] It's like Transformers 2, the rise of Cobra.

[37:57] Attack of the clones.

[37:58] Wow.

[37:59] Both going for the same joke, going in different directions.

[38:03] Is there a scene like that in Transformers 2,

[38:05] Breakin' Boogaloo?

[38:07] Yeah.

[38:08] The most famous.

[38:09] It was before the subtitle ever.

[38:11] I got it wrong.

[38:12] I screwed it up.

[38:13] It was before they discovered the secret of the ooze,

[38:15] I think.

[38:16] Was it another stakeout?

[38:19] It was through the porthole of time.

[38:20] Through the porthole of time.

[38:23] Not the portal of time, the porthole of time.

[38:28] In the time boat.

[38:31] They're on a cruise.

[38:32] They're on a cruise that goes around the Caribbean

[38:35] and through time.

[38:36] Well, not only do you go out through the porthole,

[38:39] you stay on the boat.

[38:40] All right.

[38:41] The captain asked me to give you a quick word of advice

[38:44] about your cabin.

[38:45] You are the one cabin that has the porthole of time.

[38:47] Please don't go through it.

[38:49] Because you'll end up in time.

[38:52] Otherwise, enjoy it.

[38:54] We've got the spa on deck two.

[38:57] Here's two free spa coupons.

[38:59] Just don't open the porthole of time, please.

[39:01] I cannot emphasize this enough.

[39:03] Do not go through the porthole of time.

[39:05] Let me just tell you that again.

[39:06] I don't know why you'd go through a porthole at all.

[39:09] There's so much to do on the ship.

[39:11] I don't know why you'd try to leave it.

[39:13] Buffets.

[39:14] They have buffets on the ship.

[39:16] Midnight buffet every night.

[39:18] And you don't have to stay up late because it starts at 11.

[39:21] If you do happen to fall out of the porthole of time,

[39:24] step on a butterfly.

[39:26] Please do not drop any shuffleboard equipment.

[39:29] That might crush a butterfly.

[39:31] It would change the history.

[39:33] Let me just tell you this.

[39:35] Don't mess with the portholes in general.

[39:38] Time or not.

[39:39] I'll make an announcement to the whole ship.

[39:41] Just stay away from the portholes.

[39:42] Don't open them.

[39:43] Don't worry about it.

[39:45] Listen, we've got a whole mall on the ship.

[39:48] There's a pool.

[39:49] Why are you investigating the windows?

[39:52] Again with the portholes.

[39:53] Don't you worry about the breeze?

[39:54] It's air-conditioned.

[39:56] Just turn off the thermostat or down in the cabin.

[40:00] Anyway, so see you tonight at the karaoke dinner

[40:07] If you have any questions, I am again the purser

[40:13] The bosun recommend

[40:19] Soul

[40:21] On the poop deck

[40:23] A stern and don't go up in the crow's nest

[40:28] stay out of the rigging

[40:31] If you need to go ashore the coxswain

[40:36] We're on a boat you don't have a lot of time you tend to shorten words

[40:42] So we were even the poor all the time we called the poor time

[40:45] Just so if you could just stay away from the poor time, that would be wonderful

[40:49] Well, I know no, so

[40:52] Well, I'll talk we'll get there should be soap in the bathroom. If there's not I'll get it for you now

[40:57] Towel, no towels are in the closet right here. You'll okay great the soap. I don't know why that is. I'll check it

[41:03] Well people tend to stay out of this cabin. We try not to book it because again the poor whole of time

[41:07] So maybe they just didn't refill the bathroom last time because there's no one staying in this cabin on the ship

[41:13] I'll get it for you. Thank you. Oh very generous, sir. Thank you. That's I mean again not necessary, but very much appreciated

[41:24] There's a tip at the end

[41:29] My one-man show poor whole time we're gonna do the sound effect go back in and put the sound effects in

[41:39] You can you can just go back and edit

[41:42] Yeah

[41:45] Layer it okay layers

[41:49] Stereo

[41:50] Multitrack, let's pull up a one on the on the left channel on the right channel. That'd be great

[41:55] So it's like it's going through your head. Mm-hmm. I'll switch him. It's how humans hear things

[42:04] Anyway now that we've wasted all that time it's time for final judgments final judgments

[42:11] So, is this a good bad movie? Listen, we know what kind of

[42:19] Really no enjoyment to be had. Yeah, this may be this may be the worst

[42:31] Run out to the store to rent old dogs

[42:34] They've thrown their iPod through the porthole of time walk don't run to your local video store and burn it to the ground

[42:42] To stop someone from watching old dogs

[42:45] Yeah

[42:49] Richly deserved its one-star rating on Netflix. Tell them you tell them it was lost

[42:55] But to tell them do not replace it should not be replaced

[42:58] Okay

[43:00] Well your congressman ask him to do something about old dogs now that that's been dispensed with

[43:07] we can announce the

[43:09] winner of our flophouse contest

[43:14] Most impressive flawless victory finish

[43:23] Send it to the porthole

[43:29] Or the friendship bacon with cake

[43:37] So this again was the the contest where the prize is to

[43:42] Get to choose what movie we review you make the call

[43:47] Can't be old dogs because we watched it because we will invalidate the contest now

[43:53] We won't be reviewing it on the next episode because Elliot is getting married, but as soon as we can all get back together

[44:00] We will rely. Oh, you're gonna do one when I'm out of town. No, I thought we're gonna do one on Sunday night

[44:05] Oh, you mean the Sunday night? I'm getting married on. Yeah. Yeah, I'll just take a break from the reception

[44:10] Just get a really drunk. She'll pass out. Okay, this is the point

[44:15] We put in the DVD

[44:17] Player

[44:18] Luster around it guys. Everyone who's a nerd is now

[44:22] So frustrated that I'm not actually named the way we're talking about my wedding. Okay, so it's Sunday August 29th

[44:29] Okay, I'll bring a portable DVD player. Okay, we'll pop in whatever flick we're gonna watch or film

[44:36] Okay, Ellen and I will be in tuxedos. So that'll be it'll be a classier version. Well, well England Oxford English walking suits

[44:43] mmm

[44:45] I'll be wearing

[44:47] Wearing a running suit

[44:50] The Lord track suit anyway, you're saying the winner of this contest the winner is which should we say which contest this was and how

[44:56] People would win it. Yeah, I already I already said what the prize was

[45:02] The entry was to review us on iTunes and everyone did a great job. Yeah, there I a lot of fantastic reviews

[45:09] I read the reviews aloud to Elliot and

[45:12] There was some good critiques, you know, there's there's some tough moments reading over there

[45:17] I did not appreciate being called fussy in one of them

[45:20] Sure, but the otherwise that review was spot-on they mention

[45:24] I think that was one that mentioned noises made with people's mouths

[45:26] Yeah, or songs from people's mouths and also one of the reviews mentioned that we enjoy lists of words that sound like other words

[45:35] Very accurate a lot of good reviews and keep them coming even though this contest is over

[45:40] We'd still appreciate it you to writing reviews. Yeah, we uh, we just this last month we have we just surpassed

[45:47] 50,000 downloads over the course of all of the episodes

[45:51] And we got a dollar for every one of those down we didn't get any money what but

[45:56] But that's still I mean considering that we've been doing this for almost three years now

[46:00] It still seems shamefully low to me. So I appreciate all the support but go out Wow and spread the gospel guys

[46:06] Yeah, well, I I don't find it shamefully low, but

[46:11] But we can always go higher. Yeah, so let's make it happen team

[46:21] The winner of the contest is

[46:25] General but a bit of a review under the name handsome jag

[46:30] So handsome

[46:32] Fan of the television program Jack and not only a fan but a handsome fan of the television program Jag starring

[46:39] Jag yes, Jag

[46:42] So starring a Jaguar

[46:45] Handsome Jag if you're out there, please send an email

[46:49] to the flop house podcast at gmail.com to claim your prize now

[46:56] We ask that you you choose a movie for us to review that is available on Netflix

[47:01] So we can actually access it easily and we encourage you to pick an older movie from the 80s

[47:08] You know because we do we do newer movies

[47:10] so it would be nice change of pace if you choose an older film and

[47:13] You know in the 30s if you find you pick like twin-sitters or something

[47:17] Yeah, if you find in your heart should be twin-sitters you find in your heart choose a good bad movie like twin-sitters

[47:23] Just for a change it would be this fantastic is the Barbarian Brothers masterpiece

[47:29] So handsome Jag, please get a blaster piece

[47:34] It's a shasta piece it won't blast you out of your out of your movie watch

[47:38] I I thought now think the show Jag would have been better if it was

[47:43] About a Jaguar that accidentally got sent to the Navy

[47:47] And has is on a ship and what is like?

[47:50] Like is a drill instructor be false crime be be a puma a

[47:55] Puma wearing a like a Navy suit. Yes, exactly. Sorry puma. Yeah, and then like there'd be like a

[48:01] Ocelot in a lot. Yeah be a bobcat. Okay, mountain lion. Wait the bot a cloaker

[48:07] As long as we're mispronouncing the names of large cats a t-gear a Leon

[48:14] Oh

[48:15] Yep, those are all words. Anyway, let's

[48:18] Not a cat. Yeah, what else we do our film recommendations films that you should watch instead of old dogs

[48:24] Oh, yeah

[48:25] well

[48:25] If you have the check if you can watch anything instead of old dogs

[48:28] If you have a recommendation if you have the option of turning your head slightly away from the screen look out the window do so

[48:35] Yeah, we're staring at the floor

[48:37] the stairs of space look at the floor appreciate the

[48:44] Enjoy the flashes of color that happen when you close your eyes or like close your eyes and push on your eyes or their

[48:50] Hey, yeah, don't do it for too long though. Well, yeah, I'm not suggesting people blind themselves. Well, if they're watching old dogs

[48:57] Yes, I would

[48:59] Five hours lawyers insist that we make that this plan the fluff house lawyers

[49:05] Do we I can't remember the name that that joke that they do on car talk every week

[49:09] Yeah, do we cheat on how we use the same lawyers as guys at car talk, yeah everyone on the

[49:17] Yeah, well because those guys are criminals a lot of illegitimate children, well, they're gonna get a lot of work from us now for the

[49:27] Frick and frack versus V the flop house. What did you see recently that you enjoyed?

[49:32] Recently a movie that I watched many years ago as a young child, but watched again. I

[49:37] Did watch that years ago as a young child, but that I just watched again recently

[49:42] was the hit film Capricorn one, which many people may remember as having an all-star cast of

[49:49] James Brolin OJ Simpson Sam Waterson Hal Holbrook

[49:54] Elliot Gould and it's a movie from the 70s about a I think let's see the

[50:00] The first manned mission to Mars is coming up, but there's a problem with the spacecraft,

[50:07] so it should be called off, but the head of the space agency, Hal Hallbrook, is worried

[50:11] that if there's another screw-up, the budget's going to get cut, so instead they fake the

[50:15] Mars landing on a soundstage, and there's a whole big conspiracy.

[50:20] The astronauts are not into it, so they're going to have to be killed, but they escape.

[50:24] Elliot Gould is a reporter who gets on the case, and it's not a really great movie, and

[50:29] the kind of suspense action scenes are not particularly well done, but there are a lot

[50:33] of good dialogue scenes between Elliot Gould and different small supporting characters,

[50:39] and like Telly Saval says, a very funny scene at the end that comes kind of out of nowhere

[50:43] right before the climactic helicopters versus crop duster flight battle.

[50:51] But it's this kind of movie that's kind of like a fairly passable kind of conspiracy

[50:57] thriller of the 70s with this ludicrous plot, but there's a lot of good like funny scenes

[51:02] that are well written, and it's almost like the writer who's working on it was like, I'll

[51:06] do this plot, but you know what, I'm going to throw in like some like funny scenes that

[51:10] are not really related to what's going on, but the characters are really like sharp and

[51:14] funny in those moments, so it's a little long as a movie.

[51:19] It's like two hours, but it shouldn't be that long, but it's a fun movie to watch.

[51:22] Well, speaking of conspiracy thrillers, I'm going to recommend...

[51:25] You also see James Roland slit open a snake and eat its belly.

[51:28] Okay.

[51:29] You saying?

[51:30] No, I'm going to also recommend a thriller, Roman Polanski's The Ghost Writer, which...

[51:38] Based on the PBS children's show, the same name.

[51:40] Sure.

[51:41] I changed my mind.

[51:42] Nicolas Cage is in that, right?

[51:43] You're thinking of Ghost Writer based on the Marvel Comics character.

[51:47] Demi Moore's in that though, right?

[51:49] No, you're thinking of something I'm not sure what you're thinking of.

[51:53] The one where Patrick Swayze's in it?

[51:55] Ghost, you're thinking of.

[51:56] Oh, that's right.

[51:57] Bill Murray's in it?

[51:58] No, you're thinking of Groundhog's.

[51:59] The old switcheroo.

[52:00] Bill Cosby?

[52:01] Ghost Dad.

[52:02] Oh, okay.

[52:03] Actually, I was thinking of Leonard Park's Six.

[52:04] Okay.

[52:05] Really?

[52:06] I don't think anyone else is thinking about that movie.

[52:07] Oh, all the time I think about it.

[52:08] Now it's the even older switcheroo.

[52:09] It's still the same switcheroo.

[52:10] No, Ghost Writer is a good thriller of a kind that they don't make anymore.

[52:11] Good.

[52:12] I think that thrillers may be...

[52:13] Good thrillers.

[52:24] It's the genre that modern Hollywood has forgotten the most how to make because they're

[52:30] all based on stupid twists nowadays, but this is a much more sort of old style.

[52:35] So it's got a good twist?

[52:36] It's cocky and thriller.

[52:37] There's stuff in it that you could maybe consider a twist, but it all makes sense.

[52:38] The twist is that it's a good movie.

[52:39] Is the guy a ghost the whole movie?

[52:40] Or is he from outer space?

[52:41] He's an alien.

[52:42] The twist is that he is a writer, the whole movie.

[52:43] But wait, the title says that.

[52:44] Yeah, but you think it's a different guy.

[52:45] The twist is that he's a writer.

[52:50] Oh, but it has some great performances from...

[52:57] Chubby Checker?

[53:01] Little Richard?

[53:03] Shit, I can't remember the main guys.

[53:08] Ewing MacGregor?

[53:09] I can't remember his name for a second.

[53:12] Oh yeah, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

[53:13] And Pierce Brosnan's in it too, right?

[53:14] James Bond.

[53:15] Pierce Brosnan is good who I like pretty much whenever he's not playing James Bond.

[53:21] Olivia Williams is very good in it.

[53:22] Kim Cattrall is not good in it.

[53:24] But Jim Belushi is surprisingly good in a very small role in a completely dramatic turn.

[53:30] Star of K-9.

[53:31] Yeah.

[53:32] And what, Taking Care of Business?

[53:34] Was that the...

[53:35] Okay, well...

[53:36] Which one was it?

[53:37] I don't remember that one.

[53:38] I'm gonna pass it along to Stuart.

[53:39] I don't have...

[53:40] It sounds like the name of a Jim Belushi movie, though.

[53:41] Yeah.

[53:42] I am going to recommend a contemporary film.

[53:44] A modern film.

[53:46] A modern film.

[53:47] As opposed to the one that Dan mentioned which was released earlier this year, so it's therefore

[53:51] not contemporary.

[53:52] I'm going to recommend a movie called Bronson, starring fan-favorite Tom Hardy.

[54:01] Fans of Inception.

[54:02] Yeah, fans of Inception and of the movie Bronson.

[54:07] And it's a biopic about Charles Manson.

[54:15] It's about Britain's most violent criminal, a guy who...

[54:22] This larger-than-life personality who...

[54:25] And it tells a story but...

[54:28] Inspiration for then-Kane Bronson.

[54:30] In many ways, it's kind of filtered through his own warped perception of his life.

[54:37] And it's basically just a story about a guy who lives for the moment that the guards break

[54:44] down his cell door and he just starts fighting them.

[54:48] And there's this really great scene where he strips down completely naked and starts

[54:53] smearing Vaseline all over himself so he can better avoid the grasp of the guards when

[54:57] they beat him up.

[54:58] And it's really hilarious.

[54:59] That happened to Bronson Pinchot?

[55:02] Yes.

[55:04] It was when they were filming Second Sight with John Larroquette.

[55:06] Bronson Pinchot, he was so...

[55:09] He'd been doing so many drugs.

[55:10] He was so high.

[55:11] Yeah, because he was trying to...

[55:12] I thought that happened behind the scenes of Migo, the sitcom where he was an alien

[55:17] who befriended a little kid.

[55:18] Wait, he was a Migo?

[55:19] No, not an action figure.

[55:20] Not a Fungi from Ugoth?

[55:21] All right, so...

[55:22] Lovecraft joke.

[55:23] Since these words might as well be gibberish to me, I'm going to sign off.

[55:32] We can talk about Lovecraft and the mythos for a while.

[55:36] Nope.

[55:37] Okay.

[55:39] Let's put this podcast through the porthole of time.

[55:43] It belongs to the ages now.

[55:44] Oh, wait.

[55:45] Can I plug my comic book that's coming out?

[55:48] Plug it quick.

[55:49] August 18th, this Wednesday, my first story from Marvel Comics will be released.

[55:55] It's Captain America's story, kind of, in a book called Age of Heroes, issue number

[56:00] four.

[56:01] So run, don't walk to your local comic book store.

[56:03] First, look up online to find out where your local comic book store is.

[56:06] Then run, don't walk to it, and pick up Age of Heroes number four.

[56:14] Ask for it by name.

[56:15] Don't ask for it by my name because people don't know who I am in the comic book world.

[56:19] There's an eight-page story in there that I am very happy with.

[56:22] And I'm going to plug an album by a close friend of mine, Alex Smith, who we've mentioned

[56:29] on this podcast before.

[56:30] He just put out an album on Removidar Records.

[56:35] Go to Removidar.com.

[56:37] It's produced by Jim James of the band My Morning Jacket.

[56:41] And his band is Lydia Burrell.

[56:44] It's dance music, and it's awesome.

[56:46] So check it out.

[56:47] Yeah.

[56:48] I've enjoyed the samples I've heard.

[56:49] Well, I'm just going to sign off.

[56:51] I've been Dan McCoy.

[56:53] Oh, I'm Stuart Wellington.

[56:56] And I think I'm Elliot Kalin.

[56:59] Man, Stuart's been forgetting his name a lot lately.

[57:08] Stuart, you've got to pick a distance from the microphone and a volume and stick with it.

[57:12] This is something you need to...

[57:14] This is my note for you in general.

[57:16] Okay, so this would be my performance review.

[57:19] You're not going to give me a shit sandwich on this one?

[57:22] No, I feel like we love what you're doing in general.

[57:25] Okay, so that's the first good thing.

[57:27] The comedy, the insights, it's all fine.

[57:30] Technically.

[57:31] Technically, terrible.

[57:33] You need to work on.

[57:34] That would be a weakness.

[57:36] Needs improvement.

[57:38] On the side of strengths, I would put smiles.

[57:43] Handsomeness.

[57:44] Haircuts.

[57:48] You get a regular haircut.

[57:50] When I did a performance review with Simon, I think I might have told you this,

[57:53] but he sat down and was all serious.

[57:55] And I'm like, okay, let's look at your strengths.

[57:57] And we went over the strengths of his performance kind of seriously.

[58:01] And then we got to weaknesses.

[58:02] And I'm like, baldness.

[58:06] And he looked at me like I slapped him in the face.

[58:09] Because no one had ever made a joke to him about him going bald.

[58:13] It was hilarious.

[58:14] I got an email from Eric that says, the subject line is go see Expendables.

[58:18] And the entire email is just, kaboom.

[58:23] And I was like, okay.

Flop House Classic - Old Dogs

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