The Flop House: Episode #125 - Smiley

[0:00] I have to admit, we did it for the lols.

[0:02] We discussed Smiley.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to The Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:34] Hello, Stuart Wellington.

[0:36] Back to that, huh?

[0:37] How are you?

[0:38] I'm Stuart Wellington.

[0:39] Thank you.

[0:41] And I'm great.

[0:42] And who are you, to my left?

[0:45] My name is Elliot Kalin.

[0:47] Oh, pleased to meet you, Elliot.

[0:48] We are not meeting for the first time. We've known each other for many years now.

[0:52] We're here for The Flophouse Podcast.

[0:54] A podcast.

[0:55] To a crowd sound effect.

[0:58] Cheer?

[0:59] Yeah, like a cheer.

[1:00] Applause, applause, applause, applause.

[1:02] This is a podcast called The Flophouse where we watch a bad movie and then we talk around it.

[1:10] Just near it.

[1:12] Just near it.

[1:13] Sometimes talk of the movie means talk of a hunchback detective solving crimes on the Battlestar Galactica.

[1:20] Sometimes it doesn't.

[1:21] Sometimes it doesn't.

[1:22] Most of the time it's, I don't know, cartoons or like kid sandwiches.

[1:28] Yeah, we discuss kids' sandwiches a lot, what the kids are eating, what the kids are wearing, what kind of sandwiches the kids are wearing these days.

[1:34] Frequent listeners may notice that Elliot has taken over part of my introduction.

[1:39] I can only assume that's because I'm moving slowly because of my weird allergy attack that seems to have come on.

[1:46] Yeah, what are you allergic to?

[1:47] Lack of sympathy.

[1:48] I'm allergic to not getting any letters about my knee.

[1:57] I'm baby boy Dan McCoy

[2:03] I whine and cry all the time

[2:06] Oh man

[2:06] Is his diaper wet from pee or tears?

[2:09] Both

[2:10] You're making me wonder why I keep doing this

[2:14] I just created a new

[2:15] The only baby who uses a cane

[2:17] Well other than baby millionaire

[2:19] Old man baby

[2:21] Baby millionaire just does it as an affectation

[2:24] Oh yeah of course

[2:25] He's such an ill-tempered baby.

[2:27] He never gives any money to Hobo Baby.

[2:30] That's the thing.

[2:33] He doesn't need the cane to walk.

[2:35] He needs it to beat Hobo Baby as he walks by him.

[2:38] Yeah, to smack him.

[2:38] He's just lucky that he has the motor skills to do that.

[2:41] He's just a baby.

[2:42] How did Millionaire Baby get his money?

[2:45] I think he inherited it when he inherited the castle

[2:48] from the never-created cartoon show Castle Babies.

[2:53] Was that the Castle Freak animated series with their babies?

[2:56] I mean, there's probably a freak somewhere,

[2:58] but that's a season two plot line that I never realized.

[3:02] This is not Stuart Gordon's Castle Babies.

[3:05] It's Stuart Wellington's Castle Babies.

[3:07] So, tonight's bad movie...

[3:11] It is sponsored by, what is it, that Gordon's Fish Sticks?

[3:15] Yeah, Gordon's Fisherman Fish Sticks.

[3:16] Yeah.

[3:17] If you want fish sticks that taste like they're prepared by Castle Freak,

[3:22] make them gordon's if you want a fish stick that might be a ripped off ding dong

[3:27] but probably isn't try stewart gordon's castle freak fish sticks make mine gordon's

[3:34] so normally we actually talk about a movie instead of just random gibberish right uh not really but

[3:40] what movie did we watch tonight dan well what what piece of crap did we watch tonight we watched a

[3:46] film called

[3:48] Smiley. And now you use the word

[3:50] film only in the loosest sense

[3:52] to mean that we watched moving images

[3:54] with sound attached.

[3:55] This was a horror film. In a rough narrative.

[3:58] This was a bit of a

[4:00] Shocktober and April, if you will.

[4:02] Everyone's familiar, of course, of

[4:04] Christmas in July.

[4:05] We're indulging ourselves in a little

[4:08] holiday spirit. One of Preston Sturgis' lesser

[4:10] films. Yeah.

[4:11] It's pretty good still. It's alright.

[4:13] Halloween in April?

[4:16] Halloween in April.

[4:17] Shockloeen.

[4:18] Wait, I fucked this one up.

[4:20] Yeah, Shockloeen.

[4:21] And then I rewind it.

[4:22] This is my girlfriend, Shockloeen.

[4:23] I call her Shockey.

[4:27] So this is a movie called Smiley.

[4:30] Smiley.

[4:30] Now, this movie was apparently made by a lot of people

[4:33] who had a lot of experience making videos for YouTube,

[4:36] and this was their first film.

[4:39] It was a YouTube sketch channel of some kind.

[4:44] But the movie, it starts out with – it's not a great premise, but it's an interesting concept at least that this is a horror movie based around internet culture, message board culture and chat roulette and things like that.

[4:58] Subjects that usually when horror movies touch on them, they do it in kind of a goofy, we don't really know what we're talking about kind of way.

[5:04] Except for Fear.com.

[5:05] Except for Fear.com.

[5:06] That was totally 100 percent.

[5:07] And Dee Snider's Strangeland.

[5:11] But usually the internet in horror movies is like – we saw the movie Untraceable for the Flophouse a while back where this guy had a snuff film website that was racking up literally tens of millions of views, which is crazy.

[5:23] And the problem is he was untraceable.

[5:25] How are you going to take down a criminal who's untraceable?

[5:29] You need somebody who's limitless.

[5:30] Wow.

[5:31] Now, if the movie – if they made a sequel called Limitless versus Untraceable and the movie was made as like kind of a Hong Kong action type thing, that would be pretty great.

[5:41] That's like one of those how many angels can dance on a head of a pen things.

[5:45] 18 angels.

[5:47] Is there anyone out there so limitless who can find someone who's untraceable?

[5:51] That's the only way to ask.

[5:53] And, of course, X and Sever are going to get involved.

[5:55] Because X versus Sever, am I right?

[5:57] Ballistic.

[5:58] Were you answering your own question?

[6:02] You bet I was.

[6:04] Those two to get together.

[6:05] Ballistic.

[6:06] Colon ballistic.

[6:09] The problem is that this movie, it feels like, it just basically throws a lot of internet talk at you all the time and explains it a lot.

[6:17] It feels like it's...

[6:17] Which for me is good because I don't know what the fuck they're talking about most of the time.

[6:21] Well, it felt, watching this with Stuart was like watching this...

[6:23] You're an analog guy in a digital world.

[6:25] Watching Smiley with Stuart was like watching The Matrix with my dad when I had to explain everything to him.

[6:32] But this is like, the things I'm explaining to Stuart are like what lulls are, what 4chan is.

[6:38] I mean, come on.

[6:38] And what are lulls?

[6:40] Well, lulls postulate that laughter is a unit of currency

[6:45] which can be exchanged for various extreme acts.

[6:48] And this is explained many times in the movie.

[6:51] The movie uses the word lulls more times.

[6:53] I'm just going to make this claim right now.

[6:55] The movie has a great opening.

[6:56] As we put it, it's the classic reverse Candyman.

[6:59] It is a classic reverse Candyman situation.

[7:03] It's a double ring.

[7:04] So the movie opens.

[7:06] It's your basic Scream-type open where a character gets killed by the main killer.

[7:10] Some girl in, I guess, booty shorts?

[7:12] I think it's fair to call them booty shorts.

[7:14] A girl in very short shorts.

[7:16] She's a struggling babysitter who can't afford to afford the bottoms of her shorts.

[7:22] There are three great performances.

[7:23] Squarely framed for the audience.

[7:25] There are three acceptable performances in this movie, and one of them is by her shorts.

[7:28] But she is a babysitter.

[7:31] The premise of the movie is explained by a wizened old child.

[7:36] And a lot of times these movies, the urban legend or the folklore is explained by an old person.

[7:40] Like a gypsy or something.

[7:41] Yeah, a gypsy or the old crazy man in the neighborhood who knows all the neighborhood lore.

[7:45] But this is the internet.

[7:46] It's what kids know about.

[7:47] So this girl is babysitting for a girl who seems like she's old enough.

[7:51] Like a 12-year-old kid or something.

[7:52] She doesn't need a babysitter.

[7:53] But she and the girl explains to her the legend of Smiley.

[7:56] But as she says it, you know, the urban legend about Smiley.

[7:59] Yeah, she explains it's an urban legend.

[8:01] She's familiar with Jan-Harold Brunvand's collections of urban legends.

[8:06] She's on top of this.

[8:08] I'm going to fast forward to the end.

[8:10] Wait, no.

[8:10] So let's explain what Smiley is, shall we?

[8:13] Yeah.

[8:13] So there's a chat roulette-like site called Chat and Chew or something like that.

[8:19] Chat and Spittle.

[8:22] I don't know.

[8:22] Chat and Spittle, Click and Talk.

[8:24] Yeah, whatever.

[8:24] Click and Talk, the tag of Tag of Brothers.

[8:27] Click and Clack.

[8:28] And so you go on it, and you're just talking to random strangers.

[8:31] Who knows what connections you're going to meet.

[8:33] That sounds like fun.

[8:34] Unless...

[8:35] Well, you can do that on the computer.

[8:36] It's like some sort of chat roulette, one might even say.

[8:39] I mentioned chat roulette before.

[8:40] Some sort of chat roulette.

[8:42] Does that come with that AOL CD that I got in the mail?

[8:46] It does.

[8:47] The one that gives you 400,000 free hours that expire in a week.

[8:50] And you get on your angel fire, and you can do one of those chat roulettes.

[8:53] Now, you don't want to wait to hear the modem make a lot of beeps and crackles,

[8:56] and that's how you'll know you're on the internet.

[8:58] You beep and boop it up.

[9:01] Now, there's an urban legend about this guy, Smiley.

[9:06] It seems if you type three times into this chat program, I did it for the lulz, then Smiley appears behind the person you're talking to and kills them.

[9:17] Yeah, and that's what makes it a reverse Candyman.

[9:20] You're not invoking Candyman to yourself.

[9:22] To kill yourself for some stupid reason.

[9:24] Yeah, you're sicking him on someone else.

[9:25] Did you guys have a local Candyman?

[9:27] Because we did.

[9:29] I assume you guys have heard of Bloody Mary.

[9:31] His name was Jeff.

[9:32] He sold candy to everybody.

[9:33] I wasn't sure if Bloody Mary was like a regional thing or not.

[9:36] No, no, Bloody Mary is sort of a general.

[9:38] Because they made a movie about it.

[9:39] Because I grew up with two different Bloody Marys.

[9:41] Yeah, there's Bloody Mary Urban Legends.

[9:43] And the drink.

[9:44] No, there was the Bloody Mary that if you said her name a couple times, she appeared.

[9:48] But also at my summer camp, there was the local Bloody Mary figure who supposedly had worked in the cafeteria

[9:54] and had ground her hand up in a meat grinder by accident

[9:57] and now ran around with a hook on her hand killing kids.

[10:00] And she was called Grindy Joan.

[10:01] Yep.

[10:02] I met her once.

[10:03] She was pretty nice.

[10:04] Yep.

[10:05] And Grindy Joan.

[10:07] Why Joan?

[10:08] Does she kill kids with, like, a hook or with the hook of her hand or, like, with a gun?

[10:12] It's weird.

[10:13] She actually had a gun.

[10:14] But, no, so I was wondering if you guys had any regional, you know, horror figures.

[10:19] Uh, no.

[10:21] No, we had one house in town that was both purported to be a stop on the Underground Railroad

[10:27] and purported to be haunted.

[10:28] And that's the closest thing to a local scare story I had growing up.

[10:33] Yeah, we had this guy, Frederick Kruger.

[10:39] Frederick Kruger, who owned Kruger's Hardware?

[10:41] Yep.

[10:42] He was not a child murderer.

[10:45] So anyway, we've dug on a long time without talking anything about the movie.

[10:50] So this woman, she's talking to someone on chat roulette, and he says, hey, too bad I have to kill you, and types in, I did it for the lulz three times, and Smiley appears and stabs her.

[11:00] Cut to our heroine, who is going off.

[11:04] We got a guitar squeal.

[11:05] We get the title of the movie at this point.

[11:07] Yep, says Smiley.

[11:08] And Smiley has a kind of grotesque face, which, if anything, seems like a fat man's belly with eyes and a mouth carved into it and then sewn up.

[11:17] Yeah, it's pretty gross.

[11:18] That's accurate.

[11:19] So our main character, whose name was what, Stacy?

[11:22] No, Stacy was the first girl.

[11:24] Allison?

[11:25] Ashley?

[11:26] Ashley.

[11:27] Ashley.

[11:28] Ashley is starting off at college, and she has a single father.

[11:31] Her mother passed at some point, but her mother was also crazy and maybe took her own life.

[11:36] I don't remember.

[11:36] And so that's enough to set up that Ashley can be driven insane if necessary.

[11:42] Yeah, it's dramatic.

[11:43] Her mom had mental problems of some kind.

[11:45] She goes to school.

[11:47] She's living in a house off campus.

[11:49] Even though she's a freshman.

[11:50] Even though she's a freshman, with her new roommate, whose name is Proxy.

[11:52] That's her internet handle.

[11:54] But I think that's all that they call her.

[11:56] Yeah, of course.

[11:56] And Proxy inducts her into the strange world of internet people by going to a party at a guy's house.

[12:04] The guy, Zane, a kind of...

[12:07] Wait, Zane of Zane's Sex Chronicles?

[12:09] No, not of Zane's Sex Chronicles.

[12:11] Not urban erotica author Zane.

[12:14] Not Zane Gray, the cowboy author, and unfortunately not Billy Zane, star of The Roommate and Billy Zane's Sex Chronicles.

[12:22] Which is just videos he took of himself and Kelly Brook.

[12:26] Yeah, good show.

[12:28] But Zane is just kind of an internet dick, I would call him.

[12:32] He's a douche, and his friends are all douches.

[12:34] And they – and he refers – he tells them that his interests are the strange and retarded in that he has a bookcase full of books with names like – well, like Ancient Aliens and stuff like that and Bigfoot Goes to Town.

[12:47] The type of things a douche in college would have on his bookshelf.

[12:51] Yeah, the Anarchist Cookbook and the Illuminatus Trilogy and all that nonsense.

[12:55] Yeah, Zen and the Art of Etc.

[12:58] Zen and the Art of Etc.

[12:59] Perhaps the most Zen title ever.

[13:02] the laziest of all the zen and the art of books well we all knew where i was going zane and the

[13:07] art of motorcycle maintenance so they but they have this they have the lousiest party ever there's

[13:14] like six people there yeah and they get on the whole time like they're hanging out looking at

[13:19] the computer but what they do on the computer is a summer session right because there's no one

[13:23] hanging around the school probably but they go on this chat thing and it's revealed that this is how

[13:27] the first girl got killed is that she was chatting with one of the guys at the party

[13:31] and he called up smiley to kill her not a i mean it's it's like the movie go where the storyline

[13:38] is going to overlap a little bit okay like magnolia yeah exact kind of but in time chronologically too

[13:44] uh so she is freaked out but they're like hey whatever it's just a crazy prank it's a party

[13:51] let's get drunk she's high on weed i think oh yeah also they got high by this point uh they've

[13:56] walked across campus, and her roommate has explained to her what lulls are, 4chan, the

[14:01] internet, computers, Alan Turing, everything.

[14:05] Yeah.

[14:05] Digital, electricity, Benjamin Franklin, how fireworks, you know, that kind of thing.

[14:11] How fireworks work, and how the movie Fireworks, directed by Takeshi Kitano, goes.

[14:17] Elliot made the point that the movie starts out as if it's a Christian film that was made

[14:24] to illustrate the evils of the internet it has the same kind of weird stilted acting and directing

[14:29] and the scene where a character goes come on i did it for the lulz you don't know what that means

[14:36] well on the internet lulz like it's let's explain what the internet is to you it's the scene which

[14:42] is pretty helpful it's the scene it's the scene how do you not know these things stewart it's the

[14:48] it's the scene in every anti-drug tv show where someone goes what you never smoked pot well let

[14:54] me tell you what it's like first you do this etc etc etc it's the expository scene uh describing

[15:00] the danger feelings of euphoria and uh let me also say that i think i think it bears saying that

[15:07] this is the cheapest looking film since speaking of billy zane memory from the very early days of

[15:14] the flop house podcast it's even cheaper looking than other internet horror movie fireproof

[15:20] fire was that the the that's the one where the legitimate christian one yeah that was the one

[15:25] yeah that was a horror movie it wasn't i thought it was if you look at the internet enough your

[15:29] house is gonna burn down no it was if you look at internet porn enough your marriage is gonna

[15:33] suffer that's pretty horrifying in a way it's horrifying yeah it's like synecdoche new york

[15:38] not at all in no way is it like that they're both horror stories just for a different point of view

[15:45] kind of a horror story yeah i mean it's a horror story in the sense that like it

[15:49] It forces you to confront your own mortality.

[15:50] I'd call it existential horror, but fireproof is not a horror story.

[15:54] Okay, I think you're getting a sidetrack.

[15:55] Smiley.

[15:56] Smiley.

[15:57] So Ashley goes to class, and her teacher is played by Tony winner Roger Bart,

[16:01] who I saw in his Tony-winning role as Snoopy in You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown on Broadway.

[16:06] Fantastic performance.

[16:07] Kind of sad to see him in the movie Smiley.

[16:09] He channels a little bit of that.

[16:11] He's the professor for seemingly the only class she has,

[16:16] Which is kind of rudimentary basics of philosophy, reason, and ethics.

[16:20] And he's the method that the movie uses to get deep ideas into the film.

[16:25] Yeah.

[16:25] Mostly by having him declaim them.

[16:28] Just tell them.

[16:29] And those classroom scenes are great because it just shows a lot of just random kids with their mouths half open.

[16:34] There's a lot of shots, close-ups of just college students listening, looking like real college students.

[16:40] Like they don't want to be there.

[16:41] They don't know what's going on.

[16:42] They're not paying attention.

[16:43] And Roger Barr is blowing their minds.

[16:45] Yeah.

[16:46] he says at one point you guys want your minds blown and he totally does it he blows their minds

[16:51] blows their minds anyway to make a long story short there's a there are a bunch of other

[16:56] characters and ashley gets deeper and deeper into the smiley mythos and is he real is he not real

[17:03] and actually kills someone using smiley herself yeah she feels really guilty and she goes well

[17:09] no let's let's slow down a little bit she goes into this chat roulette-esque thing she sees a

[17:14] guy expose his wang to her and her uh her roommate wang meaning penis the roommate's like let's do

[17:23] it let's let's fucking smiley this guy let's smile him up and uh it's like you gotta really but you

[17:29] gotta really wish him dead and she's like okay i got it i got it i'm wishing him dead uh i did it

[17:34] all for the lulz types it in three times and bang smiley shows up stabs him yeah she feels guilty

[17:40] She feels guilty, and she goes into a crazy spiral where she is hallucinating Smiley everywhere.

[17:46] He's chasing after her.

[17:48] He's in her dreams.

[17:49] He's all up in her head.

[17:50] He's in her kitchen.

[17:50] He's just, you know, all up around her.

[17:52] It's total flatliners.

[17:53] It's basically flatliners.

[17:55] There's something like five scenes where Smiley's attacking her, and then she wakes up.

[18:00] She spends most of the movie asleep.

[18:02] Dreaming about Smiley.

[18:05] I think she spent more time asleep than the main character in the movie awake.

[18:09] She may be in love with Smiley the amount of time she spends dreaming about him.

[18:13] If this was romantic comedy, she and Smiley would be in love.

[18:15] And there's so many fake kills.

[18:17] Like, if you get killed enough times in your dreams, does it equal one kill for real?

[18:22] If only.

[18:23] I think for that you'd have to talk to, I guess, some kind of sleep doctor.

[18:28] Okay.

[18:29] Or perhaps a murder doctor.

[18:30] Sure.

[18:31] Played by Roger Bart.

[18:34] In an award-winning role.

[18:36] Roger Bart in Murder Doctor on Broadway.

[18:39] murder doctor exclamation point sleep doctor question mark the open opening song is called

[18:45] killing in the city there's a big new york city backdrop it's nighttime you see your local new

[18:51] york characters there's the cop the hobo the prostitute uh the three-card monty guy and a

[18:57] couple rushing home from the theater oh we better get home it's dark out you know what happens in

[19:01] the city after dark a shadowy figure stabs them both takes off the mask it's roger bart audience

[19:06] goes crazy, applauds, and he sings

[19:08] the opening song, Killin' After Dark

[19:10] in the City.

[19:11] The song is four hours long.

[19:14] What? Okay. There's 18

[19:16] songs in the show. Each one is no less

[19:18] than two and a half hours.

[19:19] So this is like the

[19:22] cremaster cycle, almost. Yeah.

[19:24] Matthew Barney wrote the whole thing. Wow.

[19:26] And Bjork did the music.

[19:27] Are they still together? Matthew Barney and

[19:30] Bjork? Yeah. I don't know. If those two crazy

[19:32] kids can't make it work, what hope is there

[19:34] for the rest of us? They're literally the only people I can think

[19:36] of where the phrase crazy kids accurately describes them matthew barney and bjork or as they're known

[19:42] by their celebrity celebrity couple named bjorni oh bjorni was cited out at at lascala and then

[19:49] and then once they have a kid it's baby bjorni oh bjorni anyway so with your swan dresses and

[19:59] your gelatinous sculptures so anyway she's in a depression spiral and a crazy spiral she keeps

[20:07] dreaming smiley's coming after she doesn't know who to trust and one by one zane's gang of misfits

[20:11] and douches are being killed online smiley doesn't sound that bad not really and uh she goes to the

[20:19] police and for one beautiful scene keith david is there as a policeman who doesn't believe her

[20:23] because there's a youtube video of her smashing a computer at the library when she thinks smiley

[20:28] is on it so everyone thinks she's not so cuckoo crazy she goes to a psychiatrist gets a prescription

[20:33] for something psychologist uh played by paris from tv's gilmore girls paris you may know him from

[20:39] the iliad her sure he gave a golden apple to the goddesses thus angering them i don't remember how

[20:47] and then stole helen of troy a face that launched launched a thousand shits i may have misheard that

[20:58] later on became capital of france of course yeah he's had a long and rich career and now he's in

[21:06] smiley so anyway everyone thinks everyone playing a woman everyone thinks it was the born the role

[21:14] he was born to play except that he wasn't because he's born a man yes and then he orlando'd into

[21:20] this woman i guess he totally orlando'd it up he said for this role i really got into the part

[21:26] orlando'd i i i ladied it down and ladied it all around yeah so we'll talk about daniel day lewis

[21:33] but he has he ever orlando for a part never it's not not yet maybe in the future perhaps he's gonna

[21:39] have to if he's gonna play harriet tubman he's gonna have to both orlando and and you know become

[21:45] a black person all right you're like trying to think of a non-racist way yeah well what it

[21:50] That basically is, I came up with nothing, so he's going to have to blore Lando.

[21:53] Yeah.

[21:54] Anyway.

[21:56] That's the blaxploitation of Lando.

[21:58] Yeah.

[21:59] Virginia Woolf's Blore Lando.

[22:02] Yeah, so if someone makes a poster for that.

[22:07] Pam Greer and Richard Rountree.

[22:09] Pam Greer and Richard Rountree with Rudy Ray Morris, Tiresias.

[22:17] Has there ever been a greater contrast between a high culture and low culture joke that has been made on this podcast?

[22:25] But somebody better make a poster for Virginia Woolf's Blorelando.

[22:28] He's a she, sucker.

[22:31] That's the tagline.

[22:33] Anyway, so everyone thinks she's crazy.

[22:37] Cloud cuckoo lands.

[22:38] And basically that's the movie is her going crazy.

[22:42] She walks around.

[22:43] She imagines this guy with a bottle is actually a smiley.

[22:46] this guy who touches her on the shoulder is actually a smiley the guy that the the computer

[22:51] nerd that runs works in the library that she has a flirtation with binder smiley his name is binder

[22:56] because he was named after the first office product his mom saw when he was born yeah i like

[23:02] to think that like she she was she was on the run and but she didn't realize that her child didn't

[23:09] also need to have like an alias yes my boy uh binder his name was almost industrial three hole

[23:16] punch so it cuts basically that happens for an hour and a half with increasingly creepy scenes

[23:23] with roger bart and there's one scene the phrase i did it all for the and you hear the scene

[23:27] by everyone 50 times you know those commercials i hate them for movies where they have a lot of

[23:32] different characters saying the main character's name so it's like you know mumford mumford mumford

[23:39] Who is Mumford?

[23:40] That kind of garbage.

[23:41] Everybody asks that.

[23:41] Yeah.

[23:42] They could have done that ad with this with people saying, I did it for the lulz.

[23:45] Because every character says it.

[23:47] Keith David says it.

[23:48] Roger Bart says it.

[23:49] It was in their contract.

[23:49] It was in their contract that they had to say it?

[23:51] Yeah, I read that somewhere.

[23:52] On the internet.

[23:54] That's where Smiley lives.

[23:56] And even Roger Bart's character says it, which doesn't make sense because he's not part of the plot that emerges, really.

[24:04] He's just a red herring.

[24:05] Isn't he?

[24:05] And Roger Bart has never done anything for the lulz.

[24:08] As they would say in Spanish, a herringo rojo.

[24:11] So they basically, by the end, she says, you know what?

[24:16] So they think Smiley's killed everybody.

[24:18] She walks into Zane's house.

[24:19] Zane's dead on the floor.

[24:21] She goes, I'm going to have to take out Smiley.

[24:23] So she sets it up so that she and her roommate, Proxy, are on the chat roulette site.

[24:27] She says, type it in three times.

[24:29] She's got a gun she took from Zane's house because Zane was just waving a gun around.

[24:33] Part of me was hoping she was going to travel into, like, the weird Hellraiser universe

[24:37] and go try and murder Hellraiser, like at the end of Hellraiser Part 2.

[24:40] But she doesn't do that.

[24:41] Sure, we all remember that.

[24:42] Or she'd lawnmower man up and go into the cyberspace.

[24:45] That would be awesome, too.

[24:46] But neither of those two things happen.

[24:48] No, nobody neuromanced in this.

[24:49] So there's a knock on the door.

[24:52] She thinks it's Smiley.

[24:53] She opens, fires.

[24:54] No, it's Binder.

[24:55] Oh, no, she's shot him.

[24:57] This is terrible.

[24:58] She goes, you're going to be OK.

[24:59] You're going to be OK.

[25:00] I mean, he was shot directly in the heart.

[25:02] In the heart.

[25:02] He's not going to be OK.

[25:03] Smiley jumps up, cuts Binder's throat, which seems like overkill

[25:06] since he's just been shot insult injury she goes ah ah runs in the house another smiley pops out

[25:12] ah ah runs to the bedroom another smiley ah so many smiles like a room full of smiles miles of

[25:19] smiles coming at her and she the only way out is the window so she leaps out the window to her

[25:26] death which is when all the smileys turn on the lights take off their masks hey it's our it's the

[25:31] whole gang after after we cut in it's everyone that we saw in the movie after we cut in a monologue

[25:37] from the professor though like explaining like why is it that people do what they do

[25:42] so that you're like oh i guess the movie's over she's dead smiley gilder who cares uh and before

[25:47] this roger bart has also given a speech where he talks about how humanity is just for the neck has

[25:53] created the next step step evolution which is some kind of computer internet consciousness

[25:58] taking the form, we assume, of smiley, which is stupid.

[26:01] Because why would a computer take the form of some kind of sewn-up fat man belly?

[26:04] Who stabs people?

[26:06] Why was I born?

[26:08] Why was I created with eyes and a mouth that were then sewn up immediately?

[26:16] Why don't I have a nose?

[26:17] Why am I smiling?

[26:19] I have no mouth, but I'm a smile.

[26:21] Why does he use a knife?

[26:23] I mean, you would think the internet would use lasers or...

[26:26] Electricity.

[26:27] A virus?

[26:28] Fucking cats or something?

[26:29] Nanobots?

[26:31] Nanobots, yeah.

[26:32] A nanocat of some kind?

[26:35] Some sort of nanocat.

[26:37] Who must has cheeseburger.

[26:39] Must has a tiny atomic cheeseburger.

[26:42] Now, for a movie about lulls, lull cats were not mentioned once, which is a disappointment.

[26:48] But anyway, like Stuart said, they cut together Roger Bart giving a speech about why do people do evil things, I don't know.

[26:55] So the way that bad movies do when it's the end of the movie and they want to tie a moral into the last scene.

[26:59] And all the smileys just kind of stand around for a while and talk about how great what they just did was.

[27:06] Is she dead?

[27:07] Yeah, she's dead.

[27:08] We killed her.

[27:09] Awesome.

[27:09] But is she dead?

[27:10] Yeah, she's totally dead.

[27:12] I'm so glad we did this.

[27:13] Why did we do it?

[27:14] Because she's dead now.

[27:15] We did it for the lols.

[27:17] And we're part of Anonymous, the hacker group.

[27:19] But not really because that would be weird.

[27:21] If we actually claim that we're part of Anonymous as an actual hacker group that exists in the world.

[27:25] There's a weird bit where they're like, yeah, this is for Anonymous.

[27:28] And they're like, well, wouldn't Anonymous not be happy with us doing this?

[27:31] Hey, who's to say who's part of Anonymous?

[27:33] And it's like, shouldn't the movie be over by now?

[27:35] Like, why are we discussing your Anonymous manifesto?

[27:38] Hello?

[27:40] By the way, we hid a bunch of smiley masks in other colleges all around the world.

[27:44] They say there's boxes of smiley masks all over in 20 different colleges.

[27:48] it's the first viral serial killer except that since she jumped out of a window to her death

[27:53] the serial killer can't take credit for that the zodiac killer didn't scare people out of windows

[27:58] it's not like jeffrey dahmer was just going jumping out of people going boo so they fell

[28:03] out a window so he could eat them it's not a serial killers too that's how he felt better

[28:09] about eating i was like well it's not my fault they did it look man i gave them an out they can't

[28:16] stand if they can't keep themselves from falling out of windows then who's the real bad guy i would

[28:23] just be wasting meat if i didn't need them at this point now well can you help me and i i guess so

[28:30] their goal is probably to turn smiley into some kind of urban legend yeah they're gonna wait a

[28:34] minute at the very beginning of the movie the girl already explains that smiley's already an urban

[28:40] legend so what are they trying to do and but then so zane is talking to proxy over the computer

[28:45] uh because she's in another house and even the girl that they killed in the first scene stacy

[28:50] the the babysitter she is there she's part of smiley com she's part of smiley core the it's

[28:57] gonna incorporate it i guess and uh and he's like oh man i got a boner is that weird and she's like

[29:03] come on is she really dead and he's like yeah she's dead and they're like smiley's so great

[29:09] yeah we love smiley and as a joke he types in i did it for the lulz to her and she's like

[29:14] oh stop it and then smiley pops up behind her but his face isn't a mask it's really like a

[29:20] like a like a fat man's belly in a head and then kills her stabs her in the eye and then waves

[29:26] goodbye at at zane and then breaks the webcam and that's the end of the movie credits roll and then

[29:33] there's an after credit scene where ashley has been lying dead on the pavement opens her eyes

[29:38] and goes and it's like oh so i guess they didn't kill her i got a real problem with this either

[29:43] Smiley then, like, is a

[29:45] real thing? Hold up.

[29:46] It's just like, well, it's their

[29:49] or Ashley's still alive.

[29:51] You can't have both. No, because now Smiley's

[29:53] gotta come back to finish the job for real.

[29:55] He's pissed at them that they killed someone

[29:57] and they fucked it up. Yeah. But, uh,

[29:59] it's their version of the first

[30:01] nightmare, uh, not a nightmare, the first Friday the

[30:03] 13th ending where it was Jason Voorhees' mom

[30:05] the whole time. But then at the end,

[30:07] Monster Jason comes out

[30:09] of the river and kills that woman.

[30:11] You know, this is their, Smiley's real?

[30:13] Huh? Can't wait for Smiley 2, the realening.

[30:16] Yeah, but they doubled up on it.

[30:17] I would be fine if Smiley 3 or Ashley came back and was like,

[30:22] now I'm going to become Smiley and kill all these bastards.

[30:25] It would be like if the original Friday the 13th,

[30:29] after that ending where Jason shows up and pulls the woman in the water,

[30:33] at the end of the credits, Jason's mom, like, wakes up.

[30:35] That would be heartwarming.

[30:38] She goes to the river, she picks up baby gross Jason and takes him off.

[30:42] Like, smooshes her head back onto her body.

[30:44] That's how bodies work.

[30:46] Yeah, the two of them are like,

[30:46] oh, now we don't need to kill anyone else at Crystal Lake.

[30:48] We can just live together happily.

[30:50] Yeah.

[30:50] And then they play that song.

[30:52] Hey, let me tell you about my best friend.

[30:55] And they just have,

[30:56] there's like a montage of them playing in the park.

[30:58] Wow, he didn't even sing the whole thing.

[30:59] I don't know all the words to that song.

[31:01] It's not like the Golden Girls theme.

[31:03] I don't want to have to ask Cap that.

[31:04] We don't want to.

[31:05] That's the company that makes hats that you put on your butt?

[31:08] Ask Cap?

[31:09] Yeah, Ask Cap.

[31:11] I don't know if they really, you can't sit down or you crush your hat.

[31:14] That's the problem.

[31:15] Yeah, it seems like a waste of a hat.

[31:16] Yeah, you got to take it off every time you sit down.

[31:18] Yeah.

[31:18] Danny Houston in Stolen was going to wear an ass cap, but they thought it was too crazy.

[31:23] No, so instead he wore a hat hat.

[31:24] A head hat.

[31:25] Yeah, a regular hat.

[31:26] That's what they're called.

[31:26] Regular.

[31:28] Regular head hat.

[31:30] A regular old head hat.

[31:31] Reds are also known hats.

[31:33] Hat is actually a portmanteau for head hat.

[31:41] It's the H from head and the at from hat.

[31:43] So the end of the movie,

[31:46] so have they called Smiley into existence?

[31:48] Did Smiley always exist?

[31:50] Who knows?

[31:51] We'll have to wait for the sequel,

[31:52] which will hopefully never be made.

[31:54] The sequel, which will star another Tony winner.

[31:58] A depressing turn of events.

[32:00] It'll be Patti LuPone in Smiley 2.

[32:02] You know, guys, we've laughed a lot talking about this movie.

[32:06] Norbert Leo Butz will be Smiley.

[32:08] So many Tony winners, and Keith David always comes back for one scene.

[32:12] We've laughed a lot, but people shouldn't watch this movie under any circumstance.

[32:16] No, it is a very poorly made, low budget, badly, and there's some, I mean.

[32:22] Wait, are you skipping the final judgments?

[32:23] I don't even know.

[32:24] You should, if it shows up on your screen, either through like a Netflix thing or some

[32:29] like direct TV or something, just scratch your screen so you can't see it anymore.

[32:35] Just break your TV and then scratch your corneas.

[32:38] So that you never see anything ever again.

[32:40] Just type, I did it all for the lulls, into your computer three times.

[32:44] And then break your computer.

[32:45] Hope that Smiley comes up and kills you so you can watch Smiley.

[32:49] There are no lulls in this movie.

[32:51] I'll give you this.

[32:51] There's three performances I thought were good.

[32:54] How many lulls were there?

[32:55] Zero lulls.

[32:57] Keith David has, his scene is kind of fun because he's pretty tongue-in-cheek.

[33:02] And he's just Keith David hamming it up.

[33:04] Roger Bart gives it way more than he should because he's a professional.

[33:08] and that girl's shorts in the first scene don't totally cover her butt.

[33:11] So what you're saying is you would like to see a movie called

[33:14] Roger Bart, Keith David, and Short Chores.

[33:17] It would be called...

[33:20] Beach Police.

[33:22] Roger Bart and Keith David and Beach Police.

[33:26] Shorts that don't cover a girl's butt all the way

[33:29] in the Roger Bart, Keith David adventure.

[33:32] And now Roger Bart and Keith David have been kidnapped by the Scarlet Skull.

[33:36] He's not the Red Skull.

[33:37] We don't want to get sued.

[33:38] It's the Scarlet Skull.

[33:39] Sure.

[33:40] And he's kidnapped them.

[33:41] So they get a lot of scenes where they're tied up in a chair, and they just banter back

[33:45] and forth.

[33:45] Right on.

[33:46] And the girl whose shorts don't cover her butt all the way has a series of clothes-losing

[33:50] adventures to save them.

[33:53] Yeah.

[33:54] All right.

[33:54] And she has a magical sidekick who is a talking nude girl.

[33:58] Wait, a nude girl who talks?

[34:03] Who talks.

[34:03] And she has the magic power of not wearing clothes.

[34:06] She's not animated, she's real life, right?

[34:09] Yeah.

[34:10] Like 3D.

[34:10] No, yeah, real live action.

[34:12] Live action.

[34:13] It's motion capture.

[34:14] I like to call it real life.

[34:14] In that they just have a person moving with a camera pointed at them.

[34:17] I mean, Andy Serkis did it, right?

[34:19] No.

[34:19] Andy Serkis, I think, trained them and had them move like they were really nude.

[34:24] But is Andy Serkis nude in the movie?

[34:26] Yes.

[34:26] Because it turns out at the end, he's the Scarlet Skull, and he's totally nude.

[34:30] That's in the unrated Blu-ray, though.

[34:34] Sure.

[34:35] Not safe.

[34:36] I would like to invest in your movie, Elliot.

[34:38] Okay.

[34:39] But it's a poorly – and go feel free.

[34:42] $700,000 is the price.

[34:44] It's on Kickstarter.

[34:45] We only need one backer.

[34:47] $700,000.

[34:49] And then we're done.

[34:50] You get a T-shirt.

[34:51] And your prize is a T-shirt.

[34:53] Not a T-shirt of the movie.

[34:55] Just a shirt that I own.

[34:57] Your prize is a T-shirt and a nude picture of Harry Andy Serkis.

[35:01] He could shave for the picture if you want.

[35:04] No.

[35:05] Harry Anderson Circus.

[35:06] The Harry Anderson Circus.

[35:08] We've made a lot of close-up magic, comedy.

[35:10] John Larry Kett stops by.

[35:12] I'd love the Harry Anderson Circus.

[35:14] Mel Torme.

[35:15] So anyway, here's some problems with the movie.

[35:18] It's poorly made.

[35:19] It's shot in a very...

[35:21] It's shot in the way that, okay, you know what would make every shot look good?

[35:24] If characters were just in the center of the frame looking at the camera.

[35:27] Yeah, staring straight into it.

[35:29] Hey, Wes Anderson does it.

[35:29] It's like a webcam, dude.

[35:30] Webcam.

[35:31] I mean it does look like it was shot on a webcam, which is – in a better movie would have taken advantage of that.

[35:36] Like a better movie – if ever there was an excuse for a found footage movie made up of like webcam footage, this is an okay concept for that.

[35:44] And I like that it's a concept that it's so easy to do a horror movie that ignores cell phones and the internet because they kind of fuck up horror stories because it's so easy to look up help, figure out a mystery, or get in touch with somebody.

[35:56] It's hard to be totally alone and helpless when you have a cell phone.

[36:00] And so here it's like, well, let's work that out.

[36:03] But they do it so poorly.

[36:04] And now that I think about it, they barely use cell phones in the movie.

[36:07] Even that they don't do well.

[36:08] I think the first scene with the cell phone, she ends up slapping it out of a window.

[36:13] Because she thinks Smiley is calling her.

[36:16] Yeah, and then her roommate's downstairs like, hey!

[36:18] You threw a phone at me?

[36:20] There was a moment when Stuart invented Smiley's voice, which I thought was a pretty fantastic voice for the character.

[36:26] Hey, it's me!

[36:28] Where do you want those lols?

[36:30] oh you heard he wanted to deliver some lulz i'm here for the lulz delivery should i just put them

[36:37] in the bag unfortunately smiley does not sound like a hannah barbara character in the movie

[36:41] he has no voice because he's not real till the very end but it this movie feels like a movie

[36:46] made by a bunch of like college kids who were doing it for a school project and they got an

[36:51] f on it yeah let's let's move on to our final judgments is this a good bad movie a bad bad

[36:56] movie or movie you kind of like elliot what do you have to say considering we've said nothing

[37:00] about bad things and uh we almost didn't get to the movie because we had nothing to say about it

[37:04] uh i it's a bad bad movie it it shows that it was made by people who don't really know

[37:10] how a movie is put together in a lot of ways and it's instead of using its low budgetness

[37:16] and it's kind of thrown together raggedness as a virtue it those things it tries to be

[37:23] kind of a slick stylish movie without any style or slickness and it fails you know yeah i would

[37:27] say this is almost a good bad movie in that it is so incompetent in a way that we it is incompetent

[37:35] we don't normally see on this show actually like we we actually because of the format we see a lot

[37:41] of mediocre films rather than crazy films and i almost want to reward it for being as bad as it

[37:47] was compared to this that's my boy is ron yeah like that's the difference but i i do have to say

[37:54] that it doesn't have enough story

[37:56] for it to be a good, bad movie.

[37:57] It has about 30 minutes of story

[38:00] for a 90-minute film,

[38:01] and I was too bored for me to go full good, bad.

[38:04] It feels like this could have been an episode

[38:06] of Tales from the Dark Side or Monsters,

[38:08] one of those shows.

[38:10] Tales from the Crypt 2.0.

[38:12] If they should do an internet for Tales from the Crypt

[38:16] called Crypt Keeper's Blog,

[38:18] and the Crypt Keeper opens it up as a vlog each time,

[38:21] and then it goes to the story,

[38:22] and the story's kind of set nowadays.

[38:24] I mean, that's a terrible idea, but I could also see it actually working.

[38:26] That's a great, I mean, you wouldn't call it the Crypt Keeper's blog.

[38:28] You'd call it, like, Tales from the Internet or something.

[38:30] That's not that good either.

[38:33] Look, the title's not great, but it's a good idea.

[38:37] What do you say?

[38:38] I think it was amazing.

[38:40] No, of course, it was terrible.

[38:41] This is a movie where none of the characters' motivations ever seem to make sense.

[38:46] For a movie that already feels stretched,

[38:50] It feels like there's missing scenes that explains why people are acting the way they're acting.

[38:55] It's both full of filler and full of bizarre shifts in character tone.

[38:59] And a lot of the scenes feel like they have been just lifted out of other horror movies that the director's seen.

[39:05] Which I guess isn't surprising from people who make, I guess, very short internet films that are probably, I don't know, don't require a long narrative.

[39:14] Yeah, it's terrible.

[39:16] Don't ever watch this movie.

[39:17] So you loved it?

[39:19] I loved it.

[39:20] Like when Smiley's barfing blood all over.

[39:23] Great.

[39:24] Before we move on to our next segment,

[39:27] I just want to quickly say to listeners,

[39:30] why don't you go over and check out allthingscomedy.com.

[39:33] There's been a facelift.

[39:35] There's a redesign.

[39:37] The website's all new and all different, all better.

[39:39] Don't be frightened of the internet.

[39:41] Yeah.

[39:42] Smiley might have scared you away.

[39:44] There is no interface for Smiley to get at you through All Things Comedy.

[39:47] There's no place for you to type in,

[39:49] I did it all for the lols.

[39:50] What about like the search?

[39:51] You could type that in there.

[39:54] Yeah, you type it in once, but then there would be no results.

[39:57] And I got to tell you, I listened to Smiley's podcast on all things comedy.

[40:00] It's pretty good.

[40:01] Pretty funny.

[40:01] It's hilarious.

[40:02] It's called Doing It Lol Style.

[40:03] It's him and Billy Connolly.

[40:07] Oh, really?

[40:08] Yeah, big get.

[40:09] Very big get.

[40:10] He's got a charming accent.

[40:12] Not the comedian Billy Connolly.

[40:14] Oh, okay.

[40:14] No.

[40:15] Just a guy.

[40:16] No, William J. Connolly.

[40:17] He's a real estate agent.

[40:18] Okay.

[40:19] It's a comedy and real estate podcast.

[40:21] You can also listen to us on TuneIn now, right?

[40:24] Yeah, All Things Comedy is now on TuneIn.

[40:26] The TuneIn app is some kind of internet radio app.

[40:29] I shouldn't have said some kind of.

[40:31] It sounded like I knew what I was talking about.

[40:33] But All Things Comedy is now on TuneIn,

[40:35] so go through the All Things Comedy website,

[40:37] go through TuneIn, or just listen on iTunes

[40:39] to All Things Comedy podcasts.

[40:41] Yeah, if you prefer to listen to your podcasts streaming

[40:43] rather than downloading them to your device.

[40:46] Taking up memory space.

[40:47] yeah you can listen to us through tune in um but now is the winter of our discontent on the podcast

[40:54] made glorious summer by smiley no it was the best of times it was the smiliest of times now you're

[41:01] dickens call me smish smile ish smiley you were jumping from genre to genre era to era yep i'm

[41:10] like too many genres unlike blorelando but uh this is the time on the podcast where we answer

[41:17] letters from listeners in the Flophouse

[41:19] movie mailbag. Today's letter

[41:21] R. Okay.

[41:23] Great. Wow, we got this far

[41:25] and you finally made that joke?

[41:26] Well, I've been writing songs, but nobody likes that.

[41:29] Sure.

[41:30] So this first letter is

[41:33] titled The Flopford Wives.

[41:35] Dear the Flophouse

[41:37] from Joe.

[41:38] I'm guessing Elliot either said

[41:41] Pesci, Piscopo, or Sixpack.

[41:43] He didn't even give his

[41:45] typical joke. I didn't, no.

[41:46] I was going to say a different Joe, but then I realized it was someone who was a friend of mine and not a reference.

[41:51] Seeing as you're all married and being in a relationship myself with somebody who prefers watching television series to movies.

[41:59] It's pretty great, right?

[42:01] I was wondering, seeing as it is the season, if you could share some films that you and Mrs. Flophouse like to watch together.

[42:10] Like films we've made that other people aren't supposed to see?

[42:14] No, no, films that exist in the world.

[42:17] Oh, oh.

[42:18] Well, I mean, this exists in the world.

[42:19] There's one copy.

[42:20] Okay.

[42:20] Also, I was wondering, being in a long-term relationship can take up most of one's free time.

[42:25] That's for sure.

[42:26] And I can imagine with Dan's acting role as pervozoid number one.

[42:29] Good save.

[42:29] Elliot's job of categorizing every word that sounds like another word,

[42:34] and Stuart's repeated daily marathons of Castle Freak and Invisible Maniac,

[42:38] there doesn't seem like a lot of time for new films.

[42:41] So my question is, how do you find the time to watch these films that you recommend each week?

[42:45] I can only believe that each of you have the Superman-esque ability to reverse time.

[42:49] But instead of doing something heroic like saving a bus full of children, you spend the time catching up on your Netflix queue.

[42:55] Either that or you stay up until all hours of the night, your wives asleep long ago, your eyes sunken in bloodshot.

[43:01] You're trying to wipe the Cheeto dust from your shirt, but it's caked onto your fingers and it only makes it worse.

[43:07] You go to the bathroom to clean up, only to be greeted with the haggard face staring back at you, lost and confused, as if to say, what have I become?

[43:15] Either way, keep up with the good work.

[43:17] So, two questions.

[43:19] Man, what an indictment.

[43:21] Two questions.

[43:21] What movies do we enjoy watching with our wives, and how do we have time to watch movies without our wives?

[43:27] So, Ellie, what do you have to say for yourself?

[43:30] You're in the hot seat, starring Dan McCoy as The Seat.

[43:37] And Stu Wellington as Jamie Haas.

[43:39] Time to turn up the heat, guys.

[43:42] Let me see.

[43:42] I crushed my ass cap because I was sitting on you.

[43:45] That's a comedy callback.

[43:46] Comedy callback.

[43:47] Hat on your butt.

[43:48] Anyway.

[43:49] Trademark.

[43:49] Trademark and CO Elliot Kalin.

[43:52] The CO stands for copyright, okay?

[43:54] So movies that I watch.

[43:59] Well, my wife and I actually, we have a couple movies we watch kind of regularly.

[44:03] we end up watching filler on the roof about twice a year during uh jewish holiday times it's just

[44:08] kind of a traditional thing for us uh and a story that means a lot to us um other than that i mean

[44:15] lots of different types of movies i don't know it's not like we get together around the yule

[44:19] log and and watch the same movie all the time yeah except for filler on the roof i guess but

[44:23] you know uh weird if you got together around the yule log since you're jewish yeah uh well you know

[44:28] it's the jewish yule log it's not leavened a jewel log it's a log made out of jewels uh i mean up and

[44:35] wally are both favorites of me and my wife that we watch every now and then uh but really fiddler

[44:40] on the roof is the main one i mean i know the answer to how you watch more movies too is that

[44:45] you get up in the morning and you watch movies yeah i i get up a little earlier than i need to

[44:50] in the morning when i'm getting ready for work and i watch i don't almost never get to watch a

[44:54] movie all the way through but like i watch about a half hour of a movie in the morning and then

[44:59] at night when i'm doing the dishes i watch a movie then i watch about 20 30 minutes so it usually it

[45:04] takes me more than a day to finish most of these movies but uh i found that dishwashing time and

[45:09] getting ready in the morning time are good movie watching times that's when i watch movies that i

[45:13] know danielle won't want to see because they have lots of blood or are japanese yeah that's what i

[45:17] would say like uh when it comes to movies that i watch with my wife like you know my wife likes

[45:24] good movies she enjoys things that are good i just try most of the time to steer her away from

[45:31] the movies that i watch that are crazy violent or weird like uh exploitation obscurities that being

[45:38] said um this last weekend uh myself and mrs pervisoid number one watched prana 3dd sure uh

[45:48] and enjoyed it thoroughly.

[45:50] Was it double as much fun as the first one?

[45:52] No, the Piranha 3D is fantastic, but...

[45:56] That's the movie to see on your wedding day.

[45:58] A piece of trivia, Mrs. Pervisoid number one,

[46:01] a big fan of Piranha 3D.

[46:04] I don't know why, but for some reason...

[46:07] Okay, I would have gotten that wrong

[46:08] in the last trivia challenge I was in.

[46:10] Really dug it.

[46:12] And in terms of like...

[46:13] When do you watch movies?

[46:14] When do I have time to see movies?

[46:16] i think it's just a question of what your priorities are and my and my priorities are

[46:21] not doing things that are active or useful but instead spending the time when my wife's not

[46:28] around uh catching up on films though i might be interested that's when when uh if if my wife

[46:35] happens to be away for the weekend i usually spend that time just sitting around watching movies yeah

[46:39] yeah i usually get to watch movies late at night after a bar shift so at like two or three in the

[46:45] morning uh on nights that my wife has already fallen asleep um so you're just like the guy

[46:51] in the letter yeah i'm exactly like the guy in the letter with extra cheeto dust or cool ranch

[46:56] dorito crumbs uh and i also get to watch stuff during the day because i usually work nights

[47:01] so when my wife is off working during the day i am cracking open uh another hellraiser uh episode

[47:09] episode and finding out what's happening with uh that that cube of his um what's going on with

[47:14] pennyhead these days and of course my wife does not want to watch anything with too much blood

[47:20] or i don't know if it's too long or slow we watch a lot of romantic comedies together

[47:25] uh if it's a romantic comedy with katherine heigl that i haven't watched for the flop house i

[47:30] probably watched it at home with my wife love you honey but that's the thing i my wife doesn't like

[47:36] really bloody movies either but like i can watch those movies with you guys like but there are

[47:40] movies i watch with my wife that are more like 30s romance movies that i'm my friends are not

[47:46] going to want to watch with me you know yeah uh balances this next email is titled our long

[47:51] national nightmare is finally over uh and it's from star last name withheld and last name is

[47:59] Log 17.

[48:01] HeShe writes,

[48:02] Gentlemen...

[48:05] Gentlemen, ladies, Elliot Byrne.

[48:08] Whoa, I'm the lady?

[48:10] Yeah, apparently.

[48:11] I write to you with news of the utmost importance.

[48:14] The ceaseless horror of our lives has finally ended,

[48:18] and our existence has some purpose.

[48:20] For as you can see,

[48:21] The Invisible Maniac has finally been released on DVD.

[48:24] For a mere $19, Amazon will burn you your very own copy.

[48:29] This means that Stewart's recommendations are no longer cruel tauntings designed to highlight the unattainable pleasure of, quote, a dude murdering another guy with a submarine sandwich and also jumping on a guy's head so it explodes like a pumpkin and also there are lots and lots of boobs.

[48:43] Also, on the subject of Amazon, the bundle deal for head of the family is Castle Freak.

[48:49] Either somebody at Amazon likes the Flophouse or Stewart has a bizarre and uncanny ability to alter the fabric of reality slash the internet.

[48:59] Through repeated Dan and Elliot irritating suggestions.

[49:01] He's just like the lay of the heaven that way.

[49:03] So, I mean, yeah, no, we should address this.

[49:09] I'm aware of...

[49:11] Of the combo pack?

[49:12] Well, I was going to say of the Invisible Maniac being available.

[49:15] Yeah, you bought a copy for Stuart.

[49:16] I bought a copy for Stuart for his birthday.

[49:18] Now, this is...

[49:20] And I, lamely, like a lame-o, only got him the Avengers.

[49:23] This is not necessarily an official copy of the Invisible Maniac

[49:28] because I don't think such a thing exists.

[49:30] Not on DVD.

[49:31] The Invisible Maniac has entered the public domain

[49:34] and someone has decided to put it out on DVD.

[49:36] I thought it was on Blu-ray, Dan.

[49:38] No, I don't think that.

[49:40] I believe the original film elements are lost.

[49:43] I don't think we can remaster them into Blu-ray quality.

[49:46] I do think that the Castle Freak slash Head of the Family thing

[49:50] is a direct result of the Flophouse.

[49:51] How would it have happened?

[49:52] Would people be buying the two of them from listening to the podcast?

[49:56] I can only imagine that that's what's going on.

[49:58] Because they're not made by the same people.

[50:00] There's no other reason why this would be happening.

[50:01] It's not the same company that released them, right?

[50:04] I'm smiling knowingly right now.

[50:06] Because you ordered 700 bundles.

[50:09] We are, at this point, tastemakers.

[50:13] We are making tastes.

[50:14] We are making tastes.

[50:16] How about, like...

[50:17] It tastes like submarine sandwiches and ding-dongs.

[50:22] Yeah, so we are shaping the reality.

[50:27] So whose fortunes are going to make or break this time?

[50:30] Smiley, I guess.

[50:32] Yeah.

[50:33] This letter is from David.

[50:40] Anytime.

[50:40] No.

[50:41] Last name with L.

[50:42] Okay, thank goodness.

[50:43] Elliot's brother.

[50:44] No!

[50:45] No!

[50:46] And it's titled Brookline High School.

[50:49] He says, howdy, floppers.

[50:51] I know it's been a while and I'm sure you were feeling a void

[50:54] in all of your lives

[50:54] maybe not Elliot

[50:56] but he's had to deal with me almost 28 years now so he's earned a break

[50:59] I guess

[51:00] I wanted to bring to your attention a video you may have seen

[51:03] since it's making the rounds on the internet

[51:05] but perhaps you haven't

[51:07] if there's one thing I've noticed

[51:08] the trailer for Man of Steel

[51:10] and it finally really gives you a sense of Superman

[51:13] if I've noticed one thing

[51:15] listening to this podcast

[51:16] it's your deep affection for the fine work of Nicolas Cage

[51:20] but there may be a group of movie fans who like him just a bit more than you.

[51:24] As you can see in this YouTube video that was posted recently on FilmDrunk.com.

[51:28] Oh, is this about the people who posted pictures of him all over that school?

[51:31] It says it's a clip from a local Boston area high school quiz show.

[51:36] Oh, no, it's not.

[51:36] In which the team from Brookline, when asked about their favorite movies,

[51:40] all make a point to snarkily pick some movie by Nicolas Cage.

[51:44] Some fun facts about Brookline High School, since you were wondering.

[51:47] Its alumni include my good friend Louisa, who is at Elliot's 30th birthday party, as well as Conan O'Brien, adorably non-threatening former presidential candidate Michael Dukakis, Mike Wallace of 60 Minutes, and Elliot's buddy John Hodgman.

[52:08] Wondering why I haven't mentioned sports yet?

[52:12] The alumni also included New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft

[52:16] and former Boston Red Sox general manager

[52:19] and current president of baseball operations for the Chicago Cubs,

[52:23] Theo Epstein.

[52:24] Want a movie connection?

[52:26] It's also the alma mater of famous documentarians Albert and David Maisels.

[52:31] So now that I've gotten through all that bulky exposition.

[52:36] I mean, that's literally just random nonsense trivia.

[52:40] It's not exposition.

[52:41] This plot is not going to hinge on what he just told us.

[52:44] My question is this.

[52:45] Do you think this foursome has a strong love-hate relationship with Nick Cage as you do?

[52:50] And for the hell of it, which Nicolas Cage movie that you've all watched at the Flophouse do you think was the worst?

[52:57] I look forward to your serious answers to this question.

[53:00] Yeah, I was going to say Bangkok Dangerous also.

[53:01] I look forward to your serious answers to this question, which Stuart will surely not answer because it would be too busy feigning disgust that I wrote in.

[53:09] Wrong again, David.

[53:10] Showed you, David.

[53:11] He showed you.

[53:12] He can be disgusted and answer your stupid question.

[53:14] I thought he was going to write about – there was a college where these people photoshopped like 700 or 800 different pictures of Nicolas Cage's face on other photos or paintings and put them up in different classrooms so they were all over the place.

[53:29] I thought that was a pretty good Nicolas Cage prank.

[53:31] I did think we should read this because of last week's episode or last – not last week but the previous episode.

[53:37] Because it was Cage Miss in April.

[53:38] Yeah.

[53:40] And I would say, I agree with you that the worst Cage movie we've seen was Bangkok Dangerous.

[53:47] Terrible.

[53:47] The best worst movie was probably Trespass.

[53:51] Oh, yeah.

[53:51] I know Stuart was not there for that.

[53:53] Stolen was pretty good, too.

[53:54] Next was really good, though.

[53:56] Next was also pretty great in how stupid it was.

[53:59] What was the one, Knowing?

[54:02] What was the one?

[54:03] That one wasn't very good.

[54:04] No, that wasn't good.

[54:05] The one where he knew stuff.

[54:06] He totally knew stuff in that movie.

[54:08] Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance had some stupid good fun things in it.

[54:11] Drive Angry 3D Rated R.

[54:13] Drive Angry 3D Rated R NC-17 playing now at a theater near you.

[54:18] You have selected, et cetera.

[54:21] That was okay in terms of good badness.

[54:24] It tried a little too hard.

[54:25] I mean, the thing is, with Nicolas Cage.

[54:27] And I didn't like that there was a scene in the beginning where a clothed woman beat up a naked woman.

[54:31] That was weird.

[54:32] I didn't like it.

[54:32] With Nicolas Cage, it's hard to go wrong.

[54:33] And the scene where Nicolas Cage used a nude woman he was having sex with as a human shield.

[54:36] Though I did like that he had sex fully closed while she was nude.

[54:39] With his sunglasses still on, too.

[54:41] Of course he had his sunglasses on.

[54:42] He's so un-naked, even his eyes can't be seen.

[54:45] But yeah, I don't think those kids can possibly like Nicolas Cage as much as we do.

[54:50] Yep, let's see if their podcast has Nicolas Cage on as a guest star.

[54:53] Spoiler alert!

[54:55] I mean, that's not going to happen.

[54:56] I mean, I'm trying to summon him.

[54:58] Yes, I did it for the Cage.

[55:00] I did it for the Cage.

[55:01] I did it for the Cage.

[55:02] Then he jumps out and he puts a wig on you.

[55:06] This final letter of the evening

[55:09] Pardon me

[55:11] My allergies are flaring up

[55:13] Are you allergic to cranks with boobs?

[55:16] Because one time before

[55:18] Our last letter had one of those in it

[55:20] Gesundheit

[55:21] Are you sure you're not allergic to lulz?

[55:24] I may be allergic to lulz

[55:25] I think you have an allergy

[55:26] If you say that word one more time

[55:28] I'm going to rip my own face off

[55:30] Just like Nicolas Cage

[55:32] This final letter is from

[55:35] Chris' last name. This is a finer letter than the ones before.

[55:37] Much finer.

[55:38] But everyone, thanks for writing in, except David.

[55:40] Don't write in anymore. And everybody,

[55:42] thanks for listening. We appreciate it.

[55:44] This letter's from Chris' last name withheld. He writes

[55:47] a letter titled

[55:48] Honor Roger Ebert

[55:50] by Dishonoring Rob Schneider.

[55:52] Dearest Dan, Stu,

[55:55] and Elle,

[55:55] it has been some time since you guys

[55:58] instigated... I'm taking the familiar with you, huh?

[56:00] Yeah, I don't know this guy. Sometimes since you guys instigated

[56:02] one of your famed contests

[56:04] wherein the winner gets to choose a movie

[56:06] for you guys to take to task on the podcast.

[56:08] We should do another one of those.

[56:09] However, why let one contest winner

[56:12] rule like a tyrant over us all?

[56:14] Why not let democracy reign

[56:17] for once in your miserable lives?

[56:19] Recently.

[56:20] Cheeto-stained lives.

[56:22] Recently, but maybe not recently

[56:24] by the time you get around to this email.

[56:26] Roger Ebert passed away.

[56:27] As people reflected upon his death,

[56:29] many of his famed and barbed critiques of movies

[56:32] he despised were trotted out

[56:34] my proposal is this

[56:36] take a handful of the movies Ebert had

[56:38] particularly harsh words for

[56:39] and let the Flophouse fans vote on which one

[56:42] they want you to cover on the podcast

[56:43] let us select the likes of

[56:45] Deuce Bigelow, European Gigolo

[56:48] North, and Freddy Got Fingered

[56:50] there has to be some way for you guys

[56:52] to get a poll up on the internet

[56:53] that would make this easy for you

[56:56] and for the listeners

[56:57] or you guys can hold a contest where listeners

[57:00] have to come up with the best way for you guys

[57:02] to let fans pick a movie for you to watch

[57:03] in which case I surely win.

[57:05] Chris Lasting withheld.

[57:07] That's a good, I mean, we

[57:09] because of our recording schedule

[57:11] we did let Roger

[57:14] Ebert's passing pass

[57:16] without comment, unfortunately.

[57:17] I know that

[57:19] he personally meant a lot to me

[57:22] movie-wise and I think

[57:23] that you guys feel

[57:26] similarly. Yeah.

[57:28] and I think this is a pretty good idea.

[57:30] I have to say, Freddy Got Fingers is a movie I kind of like.

[57:33] And I haven't seen North since it was in the theaters when I was a kid,

[57:38] and I also kind of liked it when I was a kid, I have to admit.

[57:41] And I laughed at least one joke at Deuce Bigelow, European Jiggler.

[57:45] Wow, so we are all history's greatest monsters.

[57:47] I do think that it's a good idea that maybe I could take a gander

[57:54] at the movies that made up Roger Ebert's

[57:57] I hated, hated, hated this movie.

[57:59] Okay.

[57:59] White Can Blue Velvet Win?

[58:01] Because I think that's in that book.

[58:02] And that's a great movie.

[58:04] I can put up a few selected ones in a poll on the website.

[58:10] What are we really doing, these guys?

[58:12] Yeah.

[58:12] Yeah, why not?

[58:13] Let's do it.

[58:14] Let's let the people decide so that we can crush them.

[58:17] Choose a movie that we review.

[58:18] Okay, chill out.

[58:19] Don't put this much pressure on me.

[58:21] Because it's about looking at me weird.

[58:23] I don't think it's a lot of pressure.

[58:23] Literally zero pressure on you.

[58:25] You have been asked to do nothing but what you already do.

[58:27] So I would say, yeah, I'll take a look at what movies might make their way into such a pool.

[58:35] And then I'll put it up on the website, www.flophousepodcast.com.

[58:42] And let's say by the end of, I don't know, June?

[58:49] Is that too long?

[58:50] That's pretty long.

[58:51] Let's say the end of May.

[58:53] The end of May.

[58:54] uh whatever we'll give you a month yeah we'll give you weirdos a month to vote on it whatever

[59:00] gets decided upon will be the movie that we take a look at we're gonna watch it and then we'll talk

[59:07] about it and then we'll see if roger see if the late roger ebert was right yeah and if he was

[59:14] wrong he won't be able to argue with us no that's the best thing about arguing with a person who's

[59:20] passed away, is they can't argue with you

[59:22] unless they come back as a g-g-g-ghost.

[59:24] What?

[59:26] Wait,

[59:28] are we going to do a bit about this, or...

[59:30] I don't think so. I mean, I thought

[59:32] we were pretty much done until Dan made that stupid

[59:34] noise. Because I genuinely

[59:35] am genuinely sad about his passing.

[59:37] Yeah, yeah.

[59:38] It cracked through your

[59:41] cold, robot-heartless

[59:44] exterior to the

[59:46] one human organ

[59:47] beating General Grievous-like

[59:49] Within your inhuman metal shell

[59:52] And that's why you're coughing and sneezing

[59:55] Because you're like General Grievous

[59:56] I've got an allergy to human emotion

[59:59] And Jedis

[1:00:01] That's what it was?

[1:00:05] His Jedi allergy was acting up?

[1:00:07] It's weird because he carries like a million lightsabers

[1:00:09] I think

[1:00:10] He had Jedi fever

[1:00:12] He said that kind of weird

[1:00:16] He said it as if it was like a sexy thing

[1:00:18] What do we do now, Dan?

[1:00:19] This is the final segment of the podcast where we make a recommendation,

[1:00:23] a movie that we actually enjoyed that the listeners might want to check out.

[1:00:28] Stuart, do you have anything you want to recommend?

[1:00:30] Well, I'm going to dig deep into the Stuart's recommendation.

[1:00:33] Dig deep to one of the three movies.

[1:00:36] I'm going to recommend the movie Blood Diner, directed by Jackie Kong.

[1:00:42] Blood Diamond.

[1:00:43] Blood Diner.

[1:00:45] Wait, wait, what did I say?

[1:00:48] You said Blood Diamond.

[1:00:50] No, you said Blood Diner.

[1:00:51] Well, I'm going to recommend Blood Diner, directed by Jackie Kong.

[1:00:54] Originally envisioned, I guess, to be a sequel to Blood Feast.

[1:00:57] The commercial Gordon Lewis film?

[1:01:01] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[1:01:01] And it kind of went off in its own direction.

[1:01:03] And it is a crazy horror movie about two brothers who, in an attempt to raise an Egyptian goddess or something,

[1:01:14] They open up this vegetarian restaurant, but they're just actually cooking humans and feeding people human meat.

[1:01:21] And it's very over the top.

[1:01:23] There's a lot of nudity.

[1:01:24] A naked woman with a very hairy bush performs karate on people.

[1:01:30] At least one person gets their head deep fried and then, I think, knocked off.

[1:01:35] Wait, so it was still on their body when it was fried?

[1:01:37] Yeah, of course.

[1:01:38] It turns into like a giant hush puppy.

[1:01:40] So if you haven't seen it, it is a crazy person's movie, and yeah, you should watch it.

[1:01:46] You can't spell crazy person without S-T-U-A-R-T-W-E-L-L-I-N-G-T-O.

[1:01:51] So watch it with your parents, watch it with your wife.

[1:01:53] Who gives a shit?

[1:01:54] Watch it with your wife's parents.

[1:01:56] I would like to recommend, here's a connection.

[1:02:01] Smiley was a movie I did not enjoy that was a horror movie that had Roger Barton in it.

[1:02:06] I'm going to recommend a movie that I did enjoy

[1:02:09] that was a horror movie that also had Roger Barton in it.

[1:02:11] It's called Smiley.

[1:02:12] It's called Excision.

[1:02:15] It stars Annalyn McCord,

[1:02:17] who you may know from the 90210 remake.

[1:02:21] And it has an interesting cast.

[1:02:24] It has Tracy Lourdes.

[1:02:25] It has Ariel Winter,

[1:02:28] who plays the nerdy child on Modern Family.

[1:02:31] The aforementioned Roger Bart.

[1:02:33] It has John Waters, Malcolm McDowell,

[1:02:36] Marlee Matlin.

[1:02:38] Michael McDonald?

[1:02:39] Ray Wise, is it?

[1:02:40] Ray Wise.

[1:02:41] That's the proper plural.

[1:02:43] But Annalyn McCord plays a nerdy teen

[1:02:50] who has weird, sort of disturbing sexual fantasies

[1:02:55] that involve blood and surgery and similar things.

[1:03:03] And it's a film that is kind of a horror movie, but it's more of kind of a dark teen comedy in the Heather's mold, except for even more dark, I would say.

[1:03:18] And except for maybe the last sort of five to ten minutes of it, which turn abruptly into a horror movie that's genuinely sort of disquieting and disturbing.

[1:03:32] But also I would say about it is that you don't normally see a movie about non-traditional, like, female sexuality unless it's a horror movie.

[1:03:46] And I don't want to get into, like...

[1:03:48] Or a porno.

[1:03:48] Yeah, but I don't want to get into, like, a whole, like, weird, like, feminist discussion about why that is.

[1:03:53] But it's kind of interesting to see Excision is a movie that sort of, until the end, sympathetically presents this character who is an awkward teen girl who has a non-traditional sexuality.

[1:04:07] And that's something that you don't...

[1:04:09] What about Poison Ivy 2?

[1:04:10] Sure.

[1:04:12] I guess...

[1:04:13] You're right, Stuart.

[1:04:14] You're right.

[1:04:14] Poison Ivy 2, the new batch?

[1:04:15] You're right.

[1:04:17] I back off of my assertion.

[1:04:18] Or is that Poison Ivy 2, the secret of the ooze?

[1:04:19] I back off of my assertion.

[1:04:21] So I'm recommending Poison Ivy 2.

[1:04:24] The Secret of the Ooze.

[1:04:25] So Excision, that was the name of your movie?

[1:04:28] Excision, yeah.

[1:04:29] I'm going to recommend two, two, two movies in one, actually two.

[1:04:34] Very quickly, one is called Union Station.

[1:04:38] It's a noir from 1950 with William Holden and Nancy Olsen and Irishman Barry Fitzgerald.

[1:04:45] And it's a movie that the first 20 minutes or so are a little slow and feel like a kind of rote crime movie, and I would say stick with it because at that point it becomes a much more brutal movie than you expect it to be.

[1:04:58] It's about a kidnapping that takes place in a train station, and the train station detective has to look into it, played by William Holden, and it becomes surprisingly kind of rough and violent for a movie from 1950 and surprisingly dark.

[1:05:11] And the guy who directed it, Rudolf Maté, worked as an assistant with Carl Dreyer and was cinematographer on a bunch of great movies.

[1:05:20] So it looks really great and the longer it gets, the darker it gets.

[1:05:23] But it's a short movie.

[1:05:24] It's probably about an hour and a half, 80 minutes long.

[1:05:27] So that's Union Station.

[1:05:28] The other movie I saw recently that I liked a lot was a Japanese movie called Kurotokage, which means black lizard.

[1:05:34] This is not – there are two versions from the 60s of Black Lizard.

[1:05:39] Which one?

[1:05:40] I'm talking about the 1962 one, not the 1968 one.

[1:05:44] And the way you know is if Black Lizard, the mastermind female jewel thief, is being played by a male female impersonator, that's the 68 one.

[1:05:54] I haven't seen that.

[1:05:55] I've only read about it.

[1:05:56] But the 62 one where a woman plays the woman character is this kind of very fun but surprisingly sad at the end crime musical where this mastermind female jewel thief keeps kidnapping the daughter of a jeweler who has this jewel that she wants a lot.

[1:06:14] And she matches wits with Kogoro Akechi, the Sherlock Holmes of Japan, and they pretty much fall in love while they're matching wits with each other.

[1:06:22] and there are a number of great musical numbers in it uh there's a lot of good dancing and there's

[1:06:28] a scene where black lizard the jewel thief mastermind uh tells a sofa how she feels about it

[1:06:34] because akechi is sewn inside of it that was his hiding place to get to her hideout was inside of

[1:06:40] a sofa uh and she it turns out she collects taxidermy taxidermied human beings and so they

[1:06:48] really have to get the daughter away from her and i liked it it's a movie that's pretty weird

[1:06:52] and goofy but i found very touching at the same time nice i'm gonna rush out of the theater

[1:06:59] we've all recommended movies that people have never heard of and probably won't watch

[1:07:05] or be able to see i mean i saw mine on television you know it was on turner class both these i think

[1:07:10] were turner classic movies i saw union station is streaming on netflix tape in my parents basement

[1:07:17] like 15 years ago

[1:07:19] well Union Station is

[1:07:20] it might appear to me

[1:07:22] I might have made mine up

[1:07:24] Union Station is currently streaming

[1:07:27] on Netflix and is also available on DVD

[1:07:29] Korotakage I don't know if it's on DVD

[1:07:31] but they might show it on Turner Classic Movies again

[1:07:33] alright

[1:07:34] well guys

[1:07:35] knocked it out of the park

[1:07:38] another successful overlong episode

[1:07:41] where we barely talked about the movie

[1:07:42] Flophouse

[1:07:43] so Dan we left on kind of a cliffhanger in the last episode

[1:07:46] that you had left to join another podcast what happened with that yeah um it was sort of a one

[1:07:52] of those like uh renewal situations where i was trying to make sure that the network

[1:07:58] you were hard bargaining with yourself yeah exactly i was driving a like a hard bargain

[1:08:04] with myself about uh how much money i was gonna allot for the flop house i see um before i was

[1:08:10] allotting no money and now i have bargained us up to two dollars yeah we did it what are we gonna do

[1:08:17] with all that money uh season 12 of the flop house here we go guys season 12 we're doing two and a

[1:08:25] half seasons a year podcast seasons are weird we'll talk about it off air okay all right but

[1:08:31] in the meantime for the flop house i've been ben mccoy i've been stewart wellington i think i'm

[1:08:38] still Elliot Kaelin, but I'm going to check as soon as we're

[1:08:40] done. Good night, everyone.

[1:08:42] So,

[1:08:44] I think Smiley drove me to drink tonight.

[1:08:46] This will be your Is This a Bit?

[1:08:50] This episode is... Is this for the lulz?

[1:08:52] Wait.

[1:08:52] Don't tell me what bit I do.

[1:08:56] I make them up as I go, and

[1:08:58] they're usually pretty crappy. Guys,

[1:09:00] is this for the lulz? Wait, what?

[1:09:02] Okay. Come on.

[1:09:04] What's lulz again?

[1:09:06] How many times are we going to have to explain to you

[1:09:08] during the recording what a lull is?

[1:09:11] Four, Chan?

[1:09:12] Set it off.

[1:09:15] Am I right?

[1:09:16] Let's set it off with Queen Latifah.

[1:09:18] Yeah, let's taxi.

[1:09:19] Let's bring down the house.

[1:09:22] You got me straight tripping, lulls.

The Flop House: Episode #125 - Smiley

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