The Flop House: Episode #126 - Playing for Keeps

[0:00] Sure, Nicolas Cage is great, but whither Gerard Butler?

[0:03] In this episode, we discuss playing for keeps.

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] Hey, what's going on, Dan McCoy? I am Stuart Wellington.

[0:38] And I'm Elliot Kalin.

[0:40] Oh, no kidding.

[0:41] Guess what? We're the hosts of the Flophouse.

[0:43] Flophouse podcast, I hear.

[0:45] The three amigos.

[0:46] Yep.

[0:46] Copyright?

[0:47] Copyright us right now.

[0:49] No rights reserved. Anyone can use it. It's a wiki.

[0:53] Yep, Creative Commons license.

[0:55] Public domain.

[0:56] It just means friends, am I right?

[0:59] Yeah, Tres Frindos.

[1:02] Why?

[1:03] Amigos is already Spanish.

[1:05] I don't know why.

[1:06] So.

[1:07] Chua Ami.

[1:09] The Flophouse is a podcast.

[1:13] Yep.

[1:14] You probably know that because you're listening to it on your iPhone or your expired Zune or your droid.

[1:22] Your computer, anything that streams audio or downloads it.

[1:25] But we talk about bad movies.

[1:28] and uh tonight we watched a little film every time we do the flop house you explain what the

[1:33] podcast is and the more we do it the less you seem to know ahead of time what the podcast is

[1:38] the more you talk as if you're making it up as you go along we've been doing this for like six

[1:42] years now i just really hate resetting the show that's the thing like so do it fast i know that

[1:47] uh it's it sounds like it's like you have killed someone and the police are asking you if you were

[1:54] did it and you're like i was recording a uh podcast well what's the podcast it's called the

[1:59] uh flop house and it's about uh bad movies yeah another shit punk tells tells how you did it

[2:08] i swear i was podcasting you're listening to it on your uh ipod or what have you or what have you

[2:16] overheard it from some guy on the train all right his alibi makes sense yeah story checks out

[2:22] Let him back

[2:23] Release him

[2:24] Let him back

[2:25] Let him back

[2:26] That's what the police say

[2:27] Spend a lot of time

[2:28] In police departments

[2:28] It's police jargon

[2:29] Let him back

[2:30] Dan does a lot of ride-alongs

[2:32] I'm writing a law and order

[2:34] SVU spec script

[2:36] I don't think that shows

[2:37] How to anymore

[2:37] Let him back

[2:38] Let him back

[2:39] Let him back

[2:40] We don't have enough evidence

[2:42] Let him back

[2:43] The pervazoid was the culprit

[2:45] All along

[2:46] It's SVU

[2:47] Because that's

[2:47] Yeah

[2:48] That's how it works

[2:49] Freeze

[2:50] You're over arrest

[2:51] That's what they say right

[2:53] Yep

[2:54] So this is

[2:58] The Flophouse

[2:59] We've established that

[3:00] We watch a bad movie

[3:00] Then we talk about it

[3:02] Which you're listening to right now

[3:02] The show is just us talking about it

[3:04] It's not us watching it

[3:05] It's not us watching it

[3:06] No

[3:06] You don't get to hear the audio

[3:07] From the movie

[3:08] And you don't get to see the video

[3:09] You don't get any eye clips

[3:10] You just have this

[3:12] What we're saying now

[3:13] Sounds horrible

[3:13] No sound effects

[3:14] A piece of somebody's eye

[3:15] Yeah

[3:15] No nothing

[3:17] So Dan

[3:18] What movie did we watch

[3:18] This time

[3:19] We watched a film called

[3:20] Playing for Keeps with Flophouse favorite Gerard Butler.

[3:24] And Flophouse favorite Jessica Biel.

[3:26] Yeah, I believe Playing for Keeps is the sequel to Playing Three Keeps.

[3:30] And the prequel to Playing Five Keeps.

[3:33] That's a little, it's a running Flophouse gag.

[3:36] Anyway, Playing for Keeps stars Gerard Butler.

[3:38] And it was directed by another Flophouse fave, the director of Seven Pounds.

[3:42] Seven Pounds.

[3:44] The movie that promised a Batman villain it didn't provide.

[3:47] Yeah.

[3:48] His name, Seven Pounds.

[3:49] Barely delivered on its Will Smith promise either.

[3:53] Well, no, he's in the movie.

[3:54] Wait, really?

[3:55] I thought that was a jellyfish.

[3:57] No, the jellyfish is also...

[3:58] Let's watch Seven Pounds again.

[3:59] No.

[4:00] So, playing for keeps.

[4:02] Playing for keeps.

[4:03] You might remember him from the movie Gamer.

[4:06] Or the movie Law-Abiding Citizen.

[4:08] Or the movie The Ugly Truth.

[4:10] Or the Ugly Truth, yeah.

[4:12] Don't know what that was.

[4:14] The movie The Ugly Trafe about an Orthodox Jew

[4:17] who decides to go non-kosher for Lent

[4:19] even though he's Jewish, so why would he celebrate Lent?

[4:22] An amazing accent he delivers in that movie.

[4:24] Yeah, he's a Scottish-Yiddish character.

[4:26] So anyway, Playing for Keeves.

[4:30] Should we go over what this movie's about?

[4:32] Football.

[4:33] It's about love, it's about soccer, it's about trust,

[4:36] it's about fast cars, fast women, and fast food.

[4:40] And how to get your ex-girlfriend, who is your baby's mama, to wait.

[4:46] Really?

[4:46] They were married.

[4:47] It's a little film about how to make an American quilt.

[4:49] It's a little movie about the knack and how to get it.

[4:53] It's a little movie about how to stop worrying and learn to love the bomb.

[4:58] It's a little movie about who is Harry Nilsson.

[5:03] It's a movie called Who's Harry Crumb?

[5:07] And it finally answers the question, what about Bob?

[5:14] The thing about who is Harry Grubb, I never understood, is the real question is, how did he get outside that window?

[5:19] What's he doing out there?

[5:21] That's crazy.

[5:22] Those giant fly suckers.

[5:23] But no, this is a movie about a down-on-his-luck soccer player.

[5:27] Professional soccer player.

[5:28] Former pro soccer star played by Gerard the butler.

[5:32] Yeah, using his native Scottish accent for once.

[5:35] Except he did a thing that I feel like Scottish and Irish and English actors do in American movies, which is that they kind of slow down, and it makes their accents sound really fakey.

[5:48] But I think it's just so that it's easier for them to be understood by Americans.

[5:51] Like if you see From Hell, like Robbie Coltrane seems to slow his accent down, and so it sounds like he's doing a bad English accent.

[5:59] You're not – are you sure that Robbie Coltrane and Gerard Butler aren't both drunk?

[6:03] That's also popular.

[6:05] It's also popular.

[6:06] It's also possible and popular.

[6:08] It's like how they had to slow down the film in Lethal Weapon 4

[6:11] whenever Jet Li would do his martial arts stuff because he was too fast.

[6:14] Exactly, yeah.

[6:15] Too fast for the film to catch.

[6:16] Too fast and too furious.

[6:18] Tokyo Drift.

[6:19] Although he's Chinese.

[6:21] You could go to Tokyo sometime.

[6:23] Yeah, I guess it's close.

[6:24] I mean, it makes more sense than going to the restaurant.

[6:26] I would say that I said this during the movie.

[6:27] I did like him better in his native Scots burr,

[6:32] But – and I would have maybe liked him if his character –

[6:35] ATC member Bill Burr?

[6:36] Yeah.

[6:36] Yep.

[6:37] I would have liked him maybe if his character had any characteristics other than being a soccer player.

[6:43] He's handsome.

[6:44] Let's explain.

[6:45] Yeah.

[6:45] He has two character traits.

[6:47] He's a soccer player and great abs.

[6:49] Now, he plays –

[6:51] And wavy hair.

[6:51] His name is like George Dreyer.

[6:54] That's what it is.

[6:55] George Dreyer.

[6:55] He's a former professional soccer player now.

[6:57] Grandson of Carl Theodor Dreyer.

[6:59] Really?

[7:00] The Danish director?

[7:02] Wow, director of Vampyr, Gertrude, The Passion of Joan of Arc, one of the greats of world

[7:07] cinema, and his grandson is a Scottish soccer player.

[7:10] That's weird.

[7:11] How did it happen?

[7:12] It's weird the movie didn't touch on that, either.

[7:14] You would have thought that he'd walk by a theater playing Ordette, and he'd be like,

[7:19] oh yeah, my grandpa made that.

[7:20] Yeah, it's a story about faith.

[7:22] Never seen it.

[7:23] Looks boring, but...

[7:25] Never seen it.

[7:26] I'm from Scotland.

[7:26] See?

[7:27] This is how we talk over in Scotland.

[7:30] Yeah, see?

[7:32] oh come uh enjoy some more whiskey aberdeen yeah have a little lagas in your eye

[7:38] anyway so he's a he's a down on his luck soccer player he's divorced he has a kid but he's not

[7:54] good about seeing the kid he's a bad dad and we see him he tries to title for the film right

[7:59] Should have been called Bad Dad.

[8:00] Well, Soccer Dad, if this was an out-and-out comedy, the title would have been Soccer Dad.

[8:05] It's a play on soccer.

[8:06] Mom, you got your comedy title.

[8:08] But this is not a comedy.

[8:09] It just appears to be.

[8:10] Yeah.

[8:11] Kind of like Ladybugs.

[8:12] The tragedy of Ladybugs.

[8:16] This is one of those movies that's like a mirage in the distance, and it looks like a comedy from far away.

[8:25] Yeah, it looks hilarious.

[8:25] The closer you get, it's just like – it's I guess supposed to be like a Jerry Maguire or like a James L. Brooks-type drama.

[8:34] I don't know.

[8:34] Yeah, I'd like to talk about this maybe a little later once we get into the synopsis.

[8:38] We'll do it quick.

[8:39] So he's down on his luck.

[8:40] He's ruined his marriage.

[8:42] Marriage to Jessica Biel.

[8:44] Marriage to Jessica Biel, also a Flophouse favorite.

[8:46] And his son, he's always missing stuff.

[8:50] And so he decides I guess out of nowhere to become a better dad.

[8:56] He's just depressed.

[8:57] He doesn't have any money.

[8:59] He doesn't have any money.

[9:00] He wants to be a sports announcer.

[9:01] And so he tapes an audition tape of himself,

[9:04] and he promises to take his son to soccer practice,

[9:06] and he's late, but then he finally gets him there.

[9:09] Turns out soccer practice is being taught by a big fat guy

[9:13] who's talking on his phone the whole time.

[9:14] He keeps telling the kids,

[9:15] kick with your toes.

[9:16] You've got to kick it with your toes.

[9:18] And Gerard Butler's horrified.

[9:20] It's like he's more horrified to see soccer taught badly

[9:23] than he would be to see his wife having sex with someone right in front of him.

[9:26] This is his mistress, soccer, and it's being abused by this charlatan,

[9:30] by this Philistine, by this American cell phone user.

[9:35] So he steps in.

[9:36] He becomes the soccer coach.

[9:37] Big surprise.

[9:38] He's become super popular, not just with the kids,

[9:41] because he's good at soccer and can teach them how to do it,

[9:43] but with the moms.

[9:44] It's cougar town.

[9:46] And so very quickly, Judy Greer,

[9:48] Catherine's as a recently divorced woman who bursts into tears all the time.

[9:53] Catherine Zeta-Jones is a former sportscaster

[9:55] who dangles a professional career

[9:57] in front of Gerard Butler

[9:58] and Uma Thurman as

[10:01] the wife of Dennis Quaid

[10:03] who is a slimy businessman

[10:05] they all take an interest in Gerard Butler

[10:07] the hottest assortment of soccer moms

[10:09] I think we talked about this before but the milf hunter

[10:11] needs to come in and thin that herd

[10:13] we were talking about it pretty seriously

[10:15] about a milf hunter situation

[10:16] it seems like the milf territory is very overpopulated

[10:19] and the problem is just that

[10:20] It's for the health of the milfs.

[10:21] Yeah, there's not enough feed.

[10:24] There's not enough grazing for all those milfs.

[10:26] The milf hunter, I mean, do I want to see milfs get taken away?

[10:30] Obviously not.

[10:31] But for the better of the group, you need the sicker and the older milfs to be removed by a milf hunter or even a milf wolf.

[10:38] I mean, the only food for the milfs is Gerard Butler, obviously, and they have to fight over him.

[10:44] Just watch it.

[10:45] There's a three, you know, if you count Jessica Biel,

[10:48] a four MILFs for every one DILF.

[10:51] Yeah.

[10:51] I mean, I guess, yeah.

[10:53] In the community.

[10:53] Although, to be honest, Dennis Quaid is in pretty good shape.

[10:55] Yeah.

[10:56] Yeah, I mean, he's holding together.

[10:57] He could have been the Gerard Butler character.

[11:00] He would have been a lot better, frankly, in the lead.

[11:02] But he is a slimy business guy here.

[11:05] He's also the most charismatic and likable character in the whole film.

[11:07] And he's, like, cheating on his wife.

[11:09] Throwing his money around.

[11:10] He's throwing his money around.

[11:11] He gives Gerard Butler, like, literally an envelope thick with hundreds.

[11:14] And later gives him a Ferrari.

[11:15] But he's like one of those guys who's so slimy that you're like, oh, I got to love him.

[11:19] He's so slimy.

[11:20] Because he's not hiding who he is.

[11:22] Now, Gerard Butler's whole past is he was a womanizer.

[11:26] And that's, I guess, what ruined his life and career.

[11:29] I'm not sure.

[11:30] He was stepping out on Jessica Biel.

[11:32] But they don't say anything about drug use or drinking.

[11:35] Sex can be a drug, Elliot.

[11:37] If Dennis Duchovny taught us nothing else.

[11:40] Dennis Duchovny?

[11:43] David Duchovny's brother?

[11:45] David Duchovny's brother.

[11:46] It's his sexual alter ego.

[11:48] Dennis the Menace Duchovny.

[11:49] So you say, when he would pick up prostitutes or women, he'd say, my name's Dennis Duchovny.

[11:54] Really?

[11:55] Because you look like David Duchovny.

[11:57] No, no, no.

[11:57] My name's Dennis.

[11:58] People tell me that all the time.

[11:59] I'm his twin brother.

[12:00] Why do you have all this X-Files memorabilia?

[12:03] Your driver's license says David Duchovny.

[12:06] My brother David lent me his driver's license.

[12:08] I can't drive.

[12:10] Why are you driving then?

[12:12] Why do you have a picture in your wallet of you and Taylor Leone?

[12:14] I love my sister-in-law.

[12:15] Why would he be showing, I guess, a prostitute or another woman his driver's license?

[12:21] Is it, like, to verify?

[12:22] So she can use his credit card?

[12:24] So he can write a check for her.

[12:28] And, of course, there's always their sister, Denise Duchovny,

[12:32] who's just David Duchovny with a wig on.

[12:34] Basically from Twin Peaks.

[12:35] Like he's from Twin Peaks.

[12:36] He was Denise Duchovny in Twin Peaks.

[12:38] So anyway, I wouldn't be surprised if an earlier version of this script had Gerard Butler as a much more, like, dissolute character.

[12:47] More of a womanizer, more of a – I don't know if you would –

[12:50] More of a cad.

[12:50] More of a cad, exactly.

[12:52] A blaggard, a bounder, you know.

[12:54] But instead, he's just kind of like – comes off as like a bland teddy bear.

[12:59] Yeah.

[13:00] He's like, oh, man, life is really not turned out for me, soccer player guy that I am.

[13:06] I live in this guy's garage, and I always have a 5 o'clock shadow.

[13:11] People, he shaves it.

[13:12] He uses one of those guards on the razor, so he just shaves it to a certain length.

[13:16] Wait, you can do that?

[13:17] Yeah.

[13:17] Really?

[13:18] Yeah, it's barber technology.

[13:19] Is that how you do it?

[13:20] Yes.

[13:21] No, I just don't shave for a week at a time.

[13:23] I call it the Gerard Butler.

[13:25] So anyway, but his landlord will say, like, where's the rent, Gerard?

[13:30] Not Gerard, because that's not the character's name.

[13:31] Where's the rent, Gerard?

[13:33] And he's like, I'll get it to you.

[13:34] But other than that, he doesn't seem to have any money problems.

[13:36] Like I don't know how he – I assume he doesn't support his wife anymore or his kid, but that's never touched on.

[13:43] Oh, yeah, because she probably makes a million dollars doing –

[13:47] Doing the job we never see her doing.

[13:48] Yeah, that she can't leave town for.

[13:50] So anyway, but these ladies start to take an interest in him, and eventually Judy Greer –

[13:54] Of course, he's the hot man meat on the block.

[13:56] Basically stalks him in the middle of the night and comes to his house, and they do it.

[14:01] And then she is kind of gone from the movie for the most part.

[14:05] Well, she's fulfilled her destiny.

[14:07] But as a result, he's late.

[14:08] Scrooge R. Butler.

[14:09] As a result, he's late the next day for soccer practice or taking his son somewhere or something like that.

[14:16] So by having sex with a woman, he actually has to pay consequences.

[14:20] Exactly.

[14:21] It's like he's a bad dad or something.

[14:23] Well, he is a bad dad.

[14:25] That's the thing.

[14:25] They could have named the movie Bad Dad.

[14:27] They should have called it Soccer Dad.

[14:29] But so then Catherine Zeta-Jones says, hey, I saw your audition tape.

[14:34] And it's really good, but we can make a better one.

[14:36] Come to the TV studio with me.

[14:38] And he's like, oh, well, I'm supposed to spend time with my son today.

[14:40] Also, Dennis Quaid called him to bail him out of jail.

[14:43] So that's another reason he was –

[14:45] To bail Dennis Quaid out of jail.

[14:47] Do you have sex with Dennis Quaid?

[14:49] I have to assume off camera.

[14:51] OK.

[14:51] Because Jarb Butler is just –

[14:53] Dennis Quaid was in jail for drunk driving, by the way, which is – this is a side note, but –

[14:59] Dan is about to defend drunk drivers.

[15:02] If I know Dan, he usually says this right before he explains why it's not that bad.

[15:05] Just fast forward.

[15:06] Skip ahead 30 seconds.

[15:08] This is a side note, but we are introduced to Dennis Quaid

[15:11] when he hands a envelope full of money to Gerard Butler being like,

[15:17] if my kid was the goalie, that wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

[15:21] I'm not pressuring you.

[15:22] Oh, and I've got a daughter who sings really well.

[15:24] I mean, she could sing the National Anthem, but you know, whatever.

[15:27] Because that's something that happens before Pee Wee soccer games.

[15:30] And he does that, and then also then later on, as Elliot said, he gives Gerard Butler a car, basically.

[15:35] And you would expect—

[15:37] Not just a car, Dan.

[15:37] A Ferrari.

[15:38] The height of the automobile industry.

[15:40] Not according to the fellows on Top Gear.

[15:43] Oh, boy.

[15:44] What would they say the Top Gear is?

[15:46] Like a Yugo?

[15:48] Like a Levitt?

[15:49] Like a Prius?

[15:49] Like a Dart?

[15:50] A Dodge Dart?

[15:51] Like an El Camino?

[15:55] Like a Toyota Corolla?

[15:56] Stop fucking pressuring me.

[15:57] Like an Adam Corolla?

[15:58] Okay, I've never watched the show.

[16:00] Okay, I've seen the ads on the...

[16:02] On the buses?

[16:02] On the bus stops.

[16:03] On the bus stops.

[16:05] How do you see an ad on the top of a bus?

[16:07] Are you in a helicopter?

[16:08] My point is...

[16:09] Are you riding in that goose flying machine that Jeff Daniels used in Fly Away Home?

[16:13] Or the one that Tim Robbins and Howard the Duck used in Howard the Duck?

[16:20] Or the gyrocopter from Road Warrior?

[16:22] Or the hot air balloon from Wizard of Oz?

[16:25] Or Chitty Chitty Bang Bang from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang?

[16:27] Stop naming things from movies.

[16:30] But the point is, though, when...

[16:33] That flying motorcycle from Looper?

[16:34] When Dennis Quaid is in jail, you expect it to be for embezzling something.

[16:40] Yeah.

[16:40] Like, the movie sets up another shooter drop that never drops.

[16:44] There's a lot of dropped plot lines in this.

[16:47] That's one of them.

[16:48] Yeah, Dennis Quaid disappears from the film.

[16:50] He disappears until the final third of the movie, for the most part.

[16:53] He's got stuff to do, man.

[16:54] And apparently he just has money that he likes throwing around.

[16:56] He's a rich guy. He does business.

[16:57] Unlike Gerard Butler and Jessica Biel, he has a job to do.

[17:01] Yeah, a business job.

[17:02] He was always on the business phone doing business stuff.

[17:06] You're introduced to him.

[17:07] He's walking by Gerard Butler on the soccer field,

[17:09] and he's talking to the phone, and you just go, do the due diligence.

[17:11] It's almost like they said to Dennis Quaid,

[17:14] just talk business stuff into the phone.

[17:16] And due diligence was the phrase that came to mind.

[17:18] Wait, are you saying that isn't it?

[17:20] Excel, conference call.

[17:21] That wasn't in the original script.

[17:23] Maybe it was.

[17:24] It's a stroke of genius if it was.

[17:26] A prophet.

[17:27] Supply and demand.

[17:28] It tells you everything you need to know about that character in one sentence.

[17:32] Well, clearly the scriptwriter had been just listening in on conversations and writing them down to try and get the flow of human speech.

[17:38] Yeah, he did a ride-along with a businessman.

[17:39] Anyway, so he's missed out time with his son because he was bailing Dennis Quaid out of jail.

[17:43] He's hanging out with his son.

[17:44] Catherine Zeta-Jones says, hey, come over to my house.

[17:47] We can make a better audition tape for you.

[17:49] They get to her house and she says, let's leave the kid at my house and we'll go to the studio.

[17:53] He's like, oh, well, how long is this going to take?

[17:55] She says, not more than an hour.

[17:57] They leave.

[17:57] They make the audition tape and love.

[17:59] Catherine Zeta-Jones pressures him into doing it.

[18:02] So at this point, the main character, Gerard Butler, this dissolute womanizer

[18:06] who's got to get over his caddish ways, has had sex with one woman as an act of sympathy

[18:12] and has been pressured into sex with another woman or else his job is on the line.

[18:16] Partly to get a job, yeah.

[18:17] And then that's it.

[18:18] And then that's the end of the sex.

[18:19] The two women he has sex with.

[18:21] He does go home and find that Uma Thurman, Dennis Quaid's wife, is waiting in his bed

[18:26] And she wants to do it with him too

[18:28] But that's his friend's wife

[18:29] And his friend has already said to him

[18:32] Something about like

[18:33] He cheats on her but he'll never

[18:36] Give her up for any man

[18:38] Except maybe a dead man

[18:39] Which I think it means I'm going to kill someone

[18:42] Who sleeps with my wife

[18:43] But it comes off as if she's a necrophilia

[18:45] I feel like I'm cool with it

[18:46] Like the cryptkeeper could totally do it with her

[18:48] If Frankenstein's monster tried to horn in on my wife

[18:51] If somebody can find their way around this gypsy's curse

[18:54] If the boyfriend from my boyfriend's back fell in love with her, then I'd be totally okay with it.

[19:00] Would she then be the girlfriend in that scenario?

[19:01] If Chud 2, Bud the Chud came knocking.

[19:03] If this was a cold body scenario, I'd just have to let it ride.

[19:07] Yeah.

[19:07] Bud the Chud, just walking over.

[19:10] Oh, that's my buddy, Bud.

[19:13] The Chud.

[19:14] Clarify.

[19:16] Bud T. Chud.

[19:17] So there's not the other Bud.

[19:18] From the desk of Bud T. Chud.

[19:20] Dear sirs.

[19:23] Bud, just take her out and show her a good time.

[19:25] Go watch Hud.

[19:27] Hang out with Paul Rudd.

[19:30] Play in the mud.

[19:34] Join your cud.

[19:36] Chud, won't you?

[19:38] Now it's making me angry.

[19:42] Okay, so basically this guy's got a whole lot of women causing a whole lot of trouble.

[19:49] But the main problem is that it's your fucking synopsis of Three's Company.

[19:54] That's how my penthouse letter starts.

[19:56] Dear Penthouse, I had a whole lot of women making a whole lot of trouble.

[20:00] Let me backtrack.

[20:01] I work at a home for criminally insane women.

[20:05] Start in the middle.

[20:06] I work at a women's factory.

[20:08] I never thought this would happen to me.

[20:11] That's good letter writing.

[20:11] Start in the middle and work your way back.

[20:13] Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought this would happen to me.

[20:17] But I fell through a time warp into the past

[20:20] I had to fight a dinosaur to escape

[20:22] There's no sex in this letter

[20:24] But I hope you enjoy it anyway

[20:25] Love, Elliot

[20:26] It was just very unexpected

[20:27] I really never thought it would happen to me

[20:30] It's a great story

[20:30] It's an amazing story, if you will

[20:33] It's been optioned for an episode of Amazing Stories

[20:36] I had another amazing story happen to me

[20:38] I was in this bomber plane

[20:40] And the landing gear wouldn't go down

[20:43] So I drew new landing gear

[20:44] It's a magic cartoon

[20:46] My name's Kevin Costner.

[20:47] Good night.

[20:47] Good night, everybody.

[20:51] That's who was in that episode.

[20:52] But not good night.

[20:53] The show's not over.

[20:54] Anyway, so basically what's happening is –

[20:59] A lot of women causing a lot of problems.

[21:01] More women, more problems.

[21:03] Yeah, you got that right.

[21:05] Anyway, Gerard Butler is spending too much time with the ladies, not enough with his son, and his son is realizing this and getting surly and mad.

[21:11] And his son is unhappy because Jessica Biel is going to get married to her new boyfriend.

[21:15] Who seems like a nice guy

[21:17] Who seems like a very nice guy

[21:18] This is

[21:19] We were talking about this

[21:19] It's like the boyfriend

[21:20] The husband in Superman Returns

[21:23] Or the boyfriend in that

[21:23] Where it's like

[21:24] The nicest guy

[21:25] So much nicer than Superman

[21:27] Yeah

[21:27] But he gets dumped

[21:29] Because he's not Superman

[21:30] And he thinks

[21:32] Well maybe if he works out really hard

[21:33] He can be Superman right?

[21:34] No he can't

[21:35] The yellow sun doesn't have that effect on him

[21:38] Maybe if he goes to another planet

[21:39] He doesn't have the ability to

[21:40] Yeah

[21:42] Trade planets

[21:43] Maybe he goes to a planet with a blue sun

[21:45] Interplanetary exchange.

[21:45] Interplanetary exchange student.

[21:47] Yeah.

[21:48] So his son is getting mad, and his son sees Catherine Zeta-Jones kissing him

[21:52] and realizes this is what he's doing.

[21:54] He's dallying with the ladies instead of hanging out with his son.

[21:57] His son gets really mad, and he eventually makes it up to him.

[22:02] There's not a lot of –

[22:03] Yeah, there's not – I'm not really sure what the turnaround is, too.

[22:06] Like, Gerard Butler makes it up to him.

[22:08] Jessica Biel, like, sees him with her son and is like, oh, you know.

[22:12] He, like, starts hanging out with his son more.

[22:14] They play soccer in the rain.

[22:15] Jessica Biel sees him with his son and is like, you know what?

[22:18] He's changed, but I don't want to admit it.

[22:20] She's going to try on her wedding dress, and he shows up.

[22:22] He goes to Bristol, Connecticut and auditions for an ESPN anchor job.

[22:27] Bristol, Connecticut, the big city.

[22:28] The big city.

[22:29] When Bristol, Connecticut is mentioned, he's like, wow, Bristol, really?

[22:33] Dissolve into neon signs.

[22:36] I know it's big because that's where ESPN is, but the town of Bristol is not so exciting.

[22:41] It's him walking down the street.

[22:43] Where they make Bristol board paper.

[22:45] There's signs for like hula hands.

[22:48] Home Depot.

[22:49] Applebee's.

[22:51] Applebee's.

[22:51] Super cuts.

[22:52] But anyway, but he makes a difference.

[22:56] He goes to his wife, his ex-wife who's trying on a wedding dress, and he says, you know, like, I'm going to Connecticut for this thing, but I still love you.

[23:03] And she's like, no, I can't move to Connecticut.

[23:06] It's over.

[23:07] If you love me, let me go.

[23:09] And then she stomps out of the dressing room.

[23:12] And then when he stomps out of the dressing room, she's in his car.

[23:14] And she says, no, I still love you.

[23:16] I never stopped loving you, blah, blah, blah.

[23:18] And they start kissing.

[23:19] It's super gushy.

[23:20] It's like girl stuff or something.

[23:22] Well, it's because he, like, do you think this whole fiancé thing was just a long bluff to get this guy to be a better dad?

[23:28] It's like a very long con.

[23:31] They were gaslighting him into being a better dad.

[23:32] Gaslighting him.

[23:33] Trying to drive him crazy with jealousy.

[23:36] So he's doing great.

[23:39] It's the championship game tomorrow.

[23:42] This has not been built up at all.

[23:43] And while they're playing the game, everything seems to be going great until Dennis Quaid shows up.

[23:48] Dennis Quaid shows up from the first act of the movie.

[23:51] He's disappeared for a while.

[23:52] And in his hand, he's got pictures that a detective took of Uma Thurman in her underpants.

[23:57] He was probably getting those pictures developed.

[23:58] That's what he was doing all the time.

[23:59] That's the other thing is that he has literally—

[24:02] In this age of digital cameras, he had to find someone.

[24:04] Yeah, he had to find a place that would be developing.

[24:06] He had to find the last one-hour photo store that was open in whatever state this is.

[24:10] Connecticut, I guess.

[24:12] He drives to Bristol, but...

[24:13] I need to buy a bulk Kodak film off of eBay.

[24:16] Because they don't make that stuff anymore.

[24:18] But anyway...

[24:20] You should teach Gerard Butler how to eBay all of his sports memorabilia

[24:22] so he doesn't have to take it to the one small sporting goods store.

[24:25] Earlier on, Gerard Butler tries to sell his sports memorabilia

[24:28] from when he was a soccer player, and the guy goes,

[24:29] I guess I can give you 300 bucks for all of it.

[24:32] It's like, well, yeah, nobody wants to buy this shit here.

[24:34] Put it up on eBay so international sellers can bid on it.

[24:37] Some guy in England will love this.

[24:40] Yeah, some crazy English soccer guy.

[24:42] Anyway.

[24:42] They call them footie fans.

[24:44] That's the kind of pajamas they wear.

[24:47] Fans of pajamas.

[24:50] Yeah, pajama fans.

[24:51] Yeah, for PajamaCon 2013.

[24:54] Pajama fetishists.

[24:56] At the Javits Center.

[24:56] That is probably an industry thing for the pajama industry.

[25:00] Yeah, JambaCon.

[25:01] I'm in the pajama game, you might say.

[25:03] Anyway.

[25:04] We're in the homestretch of the pajama game.

[25:07] We're in the homestretch.

[25:08] Fernando's hideaway.

[25:10] Dennis Quaid confronts him with these pictures that were taken by a detective who was following him with Herman.

[25:17] George Butler says, I didn't sleep with your wife, but Dennis Quaid's not buying it.

[25:20] So they wrestle.

[25:21] The kids win the game, and he misses it because he's wrestling.

[25:24] And the kids see them wrestling and go, dogpile, and jump on everybody and then run away.

[25:29] But Jessica Biel's seen it, and she is not impressed.

[25:31] And I'd like to point out this was the screenplay's attempted dramatic irony where he gets in trouble with Jessica Biel for the one woman he didn't actually sleep with.

[25:41] Yeah, so she thinks he's back to his womanizing ways.

[25:43] He says, forget this, and he just leaves to go to Connecticut, and the fiancé says to Jessica Biel, are you still in love?

[25:51] Are you in love with him again?

[25:52] And she goes, I never stopped being in love with him, which is a crushing thing to say to the fiancé, but he seems okay with it.

[25:58] I mean, he is in a town full of babes.

[26:01] That's the thing.

[26:02] He's going to bounce back.

[26:02] They are hot to trot.

[26:03] He's got a job.

[26:04] Starring Bobcat Goldboy.

[26:05] He's a talking horse.

[26:07] So what you're saying is that his reaction is like,

[26:11] all right, I guess I'll just dive into the sea of poon that is this town.

[26:15] He has a job probably, right?

[26:18] Or is she supporting him?

[26:19] I have no idea.

[26:20] They never live in the same house, though.

[26:21] He wears a sweater, for fuck's sake.

[26:22] They do live in the same house, yeah.

[26:24] It feels like, okay, well, my last three years of my life have been a lie,

[26:28] And you're totally destroying your son's life by switching up father figures.

[26:32] Three years is a long time, dude.

[26:34] He's probably hungry for some new babes.

[26:36] The three-year itch, they call it.

[26:39] Just like Gremlins 2, the new babes.

[26:41] We're not allowed to talk about Gremlins right now, I think.

[26:45] Dan said we weren't.

[26:46] What?

[26:47] You made a no Gremlins rule?

[26:48] All right.

[26:48] Until after midnight.

[26:49] So Gremlins Butler is going to drive to Connecticut for this ESPN job.

[26:53] I just made you interested in the movie for the first time, didn't he?

[26:56] But he says he's driving down that road, and he says—

[26:59] Gremlins would make terrible butlers, by the way.

[27:00] He thinks they would make terrible butlers, that's true.

[27:03] They'd be throwing the hors d'oeuvres at the guests.

[27:05] They'd be strapping gizmo to the dinner platter with an apple in his mouth instead of a pig.

[27:11] Yeah.

[27:11] That's a bad idea.

[27:13] And then—

[27:15] That's a bad idea for my bat mitzvah that I was throwing.

[27:17] Who were you throwing a bat mitzvah for?

[27:19] Some lady.

[27:20] I mean, she's a lady now.

[27:22] Yeah, she wasn't at the time.

[27:24] Whoa, wait, whoa, someone—

[27:26] What did you do to her?

[27:27] No, the bat mitzvah.

[27:29] But it hasn't happened yet.

[27:30] You said you were throwing the bat mitzvah.

[27:31] No, it was a bad idea, I was saying.

[27:33] Okay, a bat mitzvah.

[27:34] When did it happen?

[27:34] So anyway...

[27:36] A bat mitzvah.

[27:36] That would be a great movie title, by the way.

[27:38] Bat mitzvah?

[27:39] Yeah.

[27:39] That is a great movie title.

[27:40] Oh, I thought you meant bat mitzvah.

[27:41] That's a great movie title, too.

[27:43] Vampires invade a bar mitzvah.

[27:45] Yeah, because there's nothing racist about portraying Jews as vampires, you racist.

[27:48] Anyway, so Gerard Butler turns the car around and goes home.

[27:51] Gerard Butler.

[27:52] He decides that his family is more important than his job.

[27:54] Jessica Biel says, hey, I broke it off with my fiance,

[27:57] and they play soccer in the front yard.

[27:59] And then there's a little title sequence during the credits

[28:02] that reveals that he got a local newscaster job as a sports reporter.

[28:05] Yeah, that's just as good as he is.

[28:06] Why shoot for the stars?

[28:07] Why shoot for the stars?

[28:08] Be a good dad and get a shitty job.

[28:10] When you can aim for the top of a hill.

[28:11] And the greatest thing about this movie, the end of the movie,

[28:16] Is it's over now.

[28:16] Is the way that everything is resolved without anyone changing at all.

[28:20] Nobody does nothing in this movie.

[28:23] This is a movie that, it is a comedy without laughs, it's a drama without drama, and it is a character study without characters.

[28:30] Well, that's the thing, I...

[28:31] This is maybe the most nothing movie I've seen in a long time.

[28:34] There's, like, no movie in this movie.

[28:36] But this one makes it non-fattening.

[28:40] Yeah, I guess it's true, it's a non-fattening movie.

[28:42] You can watch as much as you want of it, it's never going to get way on your mind.

[28:46] It's like someone took the legal documents you need to fill out to make a movie and just shot that.

[28:52] Didn't bother to put any names or information in.

[28:54] They shot reviews of other movies.

[28:57] So we were going to talk about, you wanted to mention that.

[29:00] The thing that bothered me the most, well, no, the thing that confused me the most about this movie is the strange tone of it.

[29:05] Where there's stuff in the middle that feels like it really should be a sex farce with, oh, Gerard Butler is having sex with all of these soccer moms.

[29:14] He's got hot and cold running babes in one door, out the other.

[29:17] And his landlord is looking through the window and being like, how does he do it?

[29:21] That was pretty great.

[29:22] It is done at such a slow pace.

[29:24] It feels like it should be French farce

[29:26] and it's done super slowed down

[29:28] and wistful and kind of dramedy.

[29:30] It's done as if we're supposed to be touched

[29:32] by what's going on.

[29:33] There wasn't enough hiding one babe in the closet

[29:36] while the other babe berates him.

[29:38] He was going for our heart

[29:39] when he should have been going for our funny bone.

[29:40] That's right.

[29:42] But yeah, it's really slowed down and not funny.

[29:45] The character never seems to be in any kind of

[29:47] frantic trouble or anything like that.

[29:50] Yeah, and there's no –

[29:51] Gerard Butler doesn't do frantic.

[29:52] We've talked about there's no payoff.

[29:54] He does barely anything.

[29:55] He walks around without a shirt.

[29:56] That's basically his thing.

[29:57] There's no payoff to Dennis Quaid being like this sleazy, rich guy, and there's also no payoff really to –

[30:03] There's no payoff to Judy Greer.

[30:05] Like the women.

[30:06] Well, Judy Greer shows up later dating his landlord, but there's no complications or problems there.

[30:12] He's just like, oh, I found this other guy, so everything's fixed now.

[30:16] zeta jones shows up and wants to have sex with him and he's like really i don't think we should

[30:20] and she's like so you got yours and that's it and you're just leaving me out to hang all right i

[30:25] guess and she's just i guess mad at him but nothing happens afterwards this feels like a bigger bomb

[30:29] that should explode under this was a bomb all right no but like it feels like no but i didn't

[30:35] know they're they're building it up to be like oh all of these women who wanted gerard butler are

[30:39] going to like converge and uh jessica beale is gonna be like oh you've been screwing the whole

[30:44] time i think it's only made more obvious because jessica veal makes a comment about how he always

[30:49] does this he always like lets things build up and then when he explodes he explodes and it never

[30:54] there's no like the explosion literally says that and that doesn't happen yeah it's like it's like

[30:59] a plate a farce should be like a plate spinning act where the story is kind of frantically spinning

[31:03] all the plates to keep them up but this is one where like they started one plate spinning started

[31:07] spinning another the first plate fell down they were like fuck it i'll start a third plate second

[31:11] plate fell down i'll start a fourth plate two plates fall down whatever i don't care he's over

[31:15] you know what let's just throw on some fucking titles we're over credits this movie feels like

[31:20] a bowl of oatmeal with no sugar no syrup no milk like just like oatmeal is a nutritious

[31:26] fortifying food that's true this is like a bowl of dust there's no variation taking a bite of a

[31:33] bowl of dust not satisfying there's no nutrition there's nothing there that you this was a movie

[31:40] people made and at no point were they like

[31:42] we don't really have a story in this movie

[31:43] oh by the way our main character has

[31:45] no character to him other than

[31:47] the fact that he used to be a soccer player

[31:50] don't worry about it

[31:51] Gerard Butler will charm the pants off the ladies

[31:53] literally but no he doesn't

[31:55] like it's

[31:57] I do have to say that I like that the

[32:00] scene with Uma Thurman

[32:02] where she is in her underpants

[32:03] and we made a comment how it was shot

[32:05] like it was like a Showtime after hours

[32:08] movie and that actually

[32:09] it turned into

[32:10] a Showtime's

[32:11] After Hours plot

[32:12] where there was a guy

[32:13] outside the window

[32:14] taking like

[32:15] lewd snaps

[32:16] of the whole situation

[32:17] I kind of like that

[32:19] I like that it was

[32:19] almost like it was

[32:20] foreshadowing

[32:21] what would happen

[32:21] the only difference is

[32:22] a Showtime movie

[32:23] would have given you

[32:24] the satisfaction of

[32:25] a four way lesbian sex scene

[32:26] between all the women

[32:27] or I guess if it was

[32:29] a seduction cinema movie

[32:30] or something like that

[32:31] and I mean

[32:32] the closest thing

[32:32] to something I enjoyed

[32:33] in the movie

[32:33] was like

[32:34] sort of the early scenes

[32:36] where all the soccer moms

[32:37] were like looking on

[32:38] at gerard butler and being really excited about him and i thought it was kind of funny like it's

[32:43] like because he was so bland it was just like yeah they're just turned on because he's like

[32:47] gerard butler and he's got a scottish accent like there's nothing else about him yeah and

[32:52] it was quite yeah it was charming and there are things about like judy greer's cast as the like

[32:56] mousy non-cop she's supposed to be the like not a not as attractive woman but it's very weird

[33:03] because she's like a very it's one of those movies easily on par with gerard butler oh certainly but

[33:09] it's one of those gremlin battler depending on how you look that's his name from now on but it's

[33:16] there's there's a certain thing that like movies used to have different types of faces or like

[33:21] different levels of attractiveness in characters and i feel like now move it is a movie cannot

[33:27] have anyone who's unattractive so a woman who's supposed to be cute but not like super beautiful

[33:33] is played by a beautiful woman,

[33:34] and it doesn't make sense for the character.

[33:36] But also, I feel like in old screwball comedies,

[33:39] funny women were allowed to also be attractive women, too.

[33:42] Yeah.

[33:42] And I feel like in this movie, it's just like,

[33:45] okay, well, we've got the funny lady,

[33:46] and then we've got the hot ladies, you know?

[33:48] And, you know, Judy Greer, whatever.

[33:51] But we've got to have pretty people,

[33:53] so we'll cast her in there.

[33:54] I mean, I like her a lot.

[33:55] I think she's a really funny comedian

[33:57] and a really likable performer,

[33:59] but it seems weird to put her in a role where, like,

[34:02] that it feels like she's almost outgrown as an actress, you know?

[34:06] Yeah.

[34:06] I feel like we're there already.

[34:08] She's not playing Kitty in Arrested Development anymore.

[34:10] Yeah.

[34:10] Oh, if only.

[34:12] Well, when the movie comes out.

[34:13] Maybe for the Netflix series.

[34:14] Sure.

[34:15] I think that we're there, so we should just go to the final judgments

[34:20] about whether this was a good, bad movie, a bad, bad movie,

[34:23] or a movie we kind of liked.

[34:24] What do you say, Stuart?

[34:24] Where does best movie ever fall into those categories?

[34:27] Well, it's far outside of those.

[34:30] I was just joking.

[34:31] Oh.

[34:31] It is a, I mean, it's a-

[34:33] Wait, is this a bit-

[34:34] I can't, like, I'm not mad at the movie.

[34:36] It's just so uncanny.

[34:38] It's super bland and boring.

[34:40] Like, it's not much of a movie.

[34:42] I was not mad while we were watching it,

[34:43] but I'm mad talking about it now.

[34:45] But it's like, this is a movie that, like,

[34:48] an old person could watch while they're sleeping.

[34:50] Like, it's perfect for that.

[34:53] Like, that's the perfect audience for this film.

[34:56] They're actually watching it while they're sleeping?

[34:58] Well, they're dozing away in an armchair with this movie playing.

[35:01] And we'll wake them up.

[35:03] So what do you say, Stuart?

[35:04] I'm going to say bad, bad.

[35:05] Okay.

[35:05] Yeah, I'll say bad, bad, too.

[35:07] I'm sort of baffled that they shot this script as it existed.

[35:10] Yeah.

[35:10] It just seems like anyone would look at it and be like,

[35:14] well, you've got no conflict here, and you've got no characters.

[35:16] And there are some good actors in it.

[35:18] Yeah, there are a ton of good actors in it.

[35:20] It attracted talent.

[35:21] It's a big-name cast.

[35:22] This is Gremlin Battler, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Dennis Quaid, Uma Thurman,

[35:27] Jessica Biel, Judy Greer.

[35:28] This is a big cast of names.

[35:31] And they've all, at least a lot of them,

[35:33] have done comedy successfully.

[35:34] Yes.

[35:35] Gremlin Battler was in Ugly Truth.

[35:39] Yeah, sure.

[35:39] The most successful comedy.

[35:41] Very successful as a comedy.

[35:42] And I would also give, it's like,

[35:44] I almost don't want to give this movie a rating

[35:47] because it kind of doesn't rise to the level of deserving one.

[35:50] It sort of disappears.

[35:51] It's like eating a meringue.

[35:53] Like a good bad movie is fun to watch

[35:55] and a bad, bad movie is painful to watch,

[35:57] but this was just like a thing.

[35:59] This was like, it's like, this is the-

[36:01] It's like you blacked out in two hours later.

[36:03] This is like the parsley garnish on a plate

[36:06] that you just put to the side.

[36:08] That's what it is as a movie.

[36:09] Yeah, all right.

[36:10] Well, fair enough.

[36:11] So our highest recommendation for playing Pigeons.

[36:15] I think, Elliot, you have something to say

[36:16] before we move on to our next segment.

[36:18] I do have something to say.

[36:19] Now everybody knows we've joined

[36:20] the All Things Comedy Network,

[36:22] and that means we're gonna be-

[36:23] Allthingscomedy.com.

[36:24] Go to allthingscomedy.com for great podcasts.

[36:26] They're all comedy.

[36:27] All things comedy, that is.

[36:29] But it also means we've got a sponsor.

[36:31] Ooh, exciting.

[36:33] And is it a good sponsor?

[36:34] Yes, it's a great sponsor.

[36:36] I'm going to spend a minute here, or maybe 40 seconds, maybe 20 seconds.

[36:41] Telling you about a little company called TiVo that I think you're going to like.

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[36:51] It is a pain.

[36:52] It takes forever.

[36:53] And tell you what, you've got to sit there and watch TV shows when your TV tells you they're going to be on.

[36:58] Well, not anymore, friends.

[36:59] Not anymore.

[37:00] Thanks to a little thing called TiVo.

[37:02] No longer are you a slave to the tyranny of television scheduling.

[37:06] Now, thanks to TiVo, you can watch shows whenever you want, wherever you want.

[37:11] That's DVR technology.

[37:12] And TiVo has the best of DVR technology.

[37:15] I'm a Time Warner customer.

[37:16] I hate it.

[37:17] Their DVR is a piece of garbage.

[37:19] It is literally a box full of garbage.

[37:22] But TiVo has a great DVR box.

[37:24] They've also got TiVo Stream, which lets you watch TV on your iPad

[37:27] and transfer your favorite recordings so you can take them with you anywhere.

[37:31] Name a place you can take your TiVo recording with you.

[37:34] Name a place, both of you.

[37:35] The gym.

[37:36] You can take it with you.

[37:37] The bathroom.

[37:39] The butcher shop.

[37:40] The Caribbean.

[37:42] The Caribbean.

[37:43] Yeah, same place.

[37:44] You can take it with you anywhere.

[37:48] It also, only TiVo searches cable and the internet for any show, movie, or video you want to see.

[37:53] Do other DVRs do that?

[37:54] No, of course not.

[37:55] They're terrible.

[37:56] This is like making Netflix, Hulu Plus, Amazon, YouTube.

[37:59] They're just channels on your TV now, thanks to TiVo.

[38:02] Just flip through them whenever you want.

[38:03] There's TiVo Mini, which makes one TiVo box work for two different TVs.

[38:07] You're taking your shows everywhere.

[38:09] Now you can watch Invisible Maniac wherever you want, whenever you want.

[38:13] Wait a minute.

[38:13] Stuart, I know you think that's great, because it is.

[38:17] And now, visitors to TiVo.com, like you, can get $25 off a new TiVo Premier, P4, or XL4 DVR by using a special promo code.

[38:27] That promo code, it's easy to remember, ATC.

[38:29] It's all things comedy.

[38:31] So for $25 off until November 1st, go to TiVo.com and put in code ATC.

[38:37] TiVo is the best DVR alternative.

[38:40] And that's from me, Elliot Kalin, legally binding.

[38:44] Thank you, Elliot.

[38:46] TiVo, bringing you the Flophouse.

[38:47] So now we move on to the Flophouse movie mailbag,

[38:52] Letters from Listeners.

[38:53] This is the first letter of the evening.

[38:56] I'm so tired from that sponsor ad.

[38:58] I don't have time for a song.

[38:59] Everyone should go buy a TiVo so I have more energy for singing.

[39:02] Letters, letters, I'm singing a song about letters.

[39:06] I love it.

[39:07] That was good.

[39:08] I don't like the ending.

[39:09] I think it should have sounded more like this.

[39:12] I didn't see the ending.

[39:13] Singing a song about letters

[39:16] We're gonna read some letters from you

[39:18] The listeners, you, the listeners

[39:21] The people who listen and write the letters

[39:24] Letters, they make words

[39:26] Words from you

[39:27] Words from the listeners to us

[39:30] About things that we know or we say

[39:32] On the Flophouse today

[39:34] They're letters

[39:34] See, I'm like the fat sloppy coach

[39:38] Let's talk about letters

[39:39] Letters

[39:41] And it's time for our letter

[39:43] So this first letter

[39:44] I'll get to part two of the song later

[39:45] It's titled

[39:46] Great email for the show

[39:48] Asterisk

[39:49] Dan compliments included

[39:51] It's a letter from Asterix

[39:52] The French comic character

[39:53] Asterix and Obelisk

[39:54] Obelisk wrote it too

[39:56] This is from First Name With Hell Jones

[39:58] He says

[39:58] Dear Dan

[39:59] That's totally unorthodox

[40:01] Dear Dan, Elliot, and Stuart

[40:03] And Housecat

[40:03] Doug Jones

[40:04] Doug Jones

[40:05] Another great episode guys

[40:07] Abe Sapien himself

[40:07] Give yourselves a round of applause

[40:09] And for Stuart

[40:10] A round of beers

[40:11] Am I right, Stuart?

[40:11] Up top.

[40:12] Oh, yeah.

[40:13] Before I get to the point of this email, spoiler alert, there isn't one.

[40:17] Let me just say that Dan is the smartest, funniest, and best-looking host on the show.

[40:20] Oh, so it was Dan Jones who wrote this.

[40:22] Dan McCoy Jones.

[40:24] Also, he has a larger penis than the other two hosts.

[40:26] No, not true.

[40:27] And has banged at least triple the amount of chicks of Elliot and Stuart combined.

[40:31] I know that's not true.

[40:31] Let me also add that this is not Dan writing this, nor did Dan ask me to say these things.

[40:38] But still, Dan is a super cool dude.

[40:40] They are all true facts.

[40:42] Deal with it.

[40:42] With that out of the way, I would like to ask...

[40:44] Doesn't Dan suck?

[40:45] I would like...

[40:46] He really set you up for a punch there.

[40:49] With that out of the way...

[40:51] With that out of the way, I would like to ask each of you dudes a question.

[40:54] Those questions are...

[40:55] For Stuart, who is your all-time favorite wrestler?

[40:58] If the answer to that question is Macho Man...

[41:00] Is Brutus the Barber Beefcake.

[41:01] All right.

[41:02] I had a t-shirt and I had...

[41:06] Wait, Brutus the Barber Beefcake.

[41:07] I can't...

[41:07] Oh, no, you finish.

[41:08] No, no, if the answer to that question is Macho Man Randy Savage, you can please do an impression, but it's not.

[41:13] It's not.

[41:13] It's not. It's Bruce the Barber Beefcake.

[41:15] I had a t-shirt, I had a wall hanging, I celebrated every time he choked somebody out and then cut his hair.

[41:21] Why did he cut his hair?

[41:23] I don't know. To shame them, I think.

[41:25] Oh, he would cut the other guy's hair.

[41:27] No, he wouldn't cut his own hair. That'd be crazy.

[41:28] I thought he would choke a guy and then hold up a mirror and cut his own hair.

[41:33] Although, as I've gotten older, I think I prefer ravishing Rick Rude with his pants that have beautiful ladies on them.

[41:39] And he had different pants every time he wrestled.

[41:42] I kind of wish I had a pair of those pants.

[41:43] Different ladies.

[41:44] Second question for Dan.

[41:46] Have you tried the new Hot Mess Burger at Jack in the Box?

[41:49] This is the East Coast.

[41:51] There are no Jack in the Boxes.

[41:52] And what is your opinion on the TV ads for said burger?

[41:55] There are no Jacks in the Box, nor television commercials for the same.

[41:58] And you're answering for me.

[41:58] In our region.

[41:59] That is accurate.

[42:00] Oh, sorry, Dan, you answer.

[42:01] No, I don't know why this was a question for me.

[42:04] You should YouTube it.

[42:05] Dan, you're a big Jack in the...

[42:06] I am to Popeyes as you are to Jack in the Box.

[42:08] Yeah, I'm a real jackhead.

[42:09] I've not had said burger.

[42:13] But for Elliot, if you were trapped on a deserted island,

[42:15] as in an island full of desserts,

[42:17] what would you want the dessert to be?

[42:20] Something chocolate.

[42:22] Oh, boring.

[42:23] That is boring.

[42:24] And lastly...

[42:25] It's a dessert question.

[42:26] I'm not ready to answer that.

[42:27] Lastly, for the Flophouse house cat,

[42:29] can I get a rah-rah?

[42:30] Rah-rah!

[42:31] Thanks, guys.

[42:33] Love you all.

[42:34] That's from FirstNameWithheld.

[42:35] Thanks, Jones.

[42:35] Hey, thanks, Jones.

[42:36] Sorry I didn't have an exciting answer, but sometimes real life isn't exciting.

[42:39] Thank you for giving me an excuse to talk about ravaging Rick Rude.

[42:42] He's been on my mind lately.

[42:43] He's always on my mind.

[42:46] This is titled Intentionally Bad Movies from Ben LastNameWithheld.

[42:51] Ten.

[42:52] He says, hello there, floppers.

[42:54] I think you guys are great and wonderful.

[42:55] I wanted to know, do you think it's possible to successfully recreate the aesthetic and

[43:00] sensibilities of good bad movies or media i feel like tim and eric shoot for this sort of thing

[43:05] as does larry blamir or blamire i don't know how to say that larry bud you said it right

[43:10] who makes the beam who made the b movie spoof film the lost skeleton of cadaver uh have you seen it

[43:17] off the top of your heads what are some tropes of good bad movies or moments of good badness

[43:21] and bad bad films that you feel no intentionally good bad movie could do without flops off to you

[43:27] You've been last named withheld.

[43:28] Now, this is something I have strong feelings about.

[43:32] I am against trying to simulate badness in films.

[43:40] I feel like if you have the skill to make a good movie,

[43:43] why not just fucking make a good movie?

[43:45] And let the bad movies be a happy accident of the incompetent.

[43:48] Yeah, I feel like Tim and Eric do something else.

[43:50] There's a value added there.

[43:52] There's some comedy there.

[43:56] It's not just recreating –

[43:58] Well, I think when you recreate a bad – when you try to make a bad movie, personally, it's for comedic purposes.

[44:02] Yeah.

[44:03] But it's often that you're so in on the joke that it doesn't come off.

[44:06] And The Lost Skeleton of Cadaver, I've actually been meaning to see for years, and I have not seen it.

[44:11] I saw it, and I found it funny for about six minutes and boring for the rest of it.

[44:18] Well, that's part of the strength of Tim and Eric.

[44:19] I haven't seen their movie, but their show is short, and the bits are short.

[44:22] Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

[44:23] I would imagine in a long-form situation, it would be overwhelming, like eating too much sugary cereal in one go, like the Speed Racer movie or something.

[44:32] But I like the Speed Racer movie.

[44:34] Yeah, I mean, that's a good bowl of cereal.

[44:36] But I do agree that there's something about when someone aims high and fails that is more funny and enjoyable than when somebody purposefully aims low as a joke.

[44:46] And, like, it's funny if maybe, like, you spoof a bad movie for, like, a sketch for, like, five minutes.

[44:52] But I'm not a fan of it either, really.

[44:55] But maybe I'll see one one day that I really like.

[44:57] I mean, the beauty of something like The Room, which is, I guess, like, the new reigning champion of bad movies, is, like, that is clearly a passion project.

[45:05] That is a deeply felt film that is 100% wrong.

[45:09] That is terrible.

[45:09] That was made by someone who had no idea what he was doing, but he did it as hard as possible.

[45:14] Yeah, and he loved that movie.

[45:16] probably convinced some poor guys

[45:18] into giving them a bunch of money.

[45:19] I mean, because it's all on the screen.

[45:21] It's beautiful up there.

[45:22] I want to live in there.

[45:24] I want to live on that green screen roof.

[45:28] But I've also yet to see a purposely bad movie

[45:31] that reached anywhere near the heights of bliss

[45:35] of a real bad movie,

[45:37] of a non-purposely bad movie.

[45:39] This next letter is titled,

[45:42] A Request.

[45:44] Sarah, not Dan's wife here.

[45:46] I was just listening to the Oogie Loves episode, which was, I must admit, only ghoulishly okay.

[45:55] Well, that's...

[45:56] Whoa, whoa.

[45:56] I feel like that's not a generally held opinion, but that's fine.

[46:00] And also, it's weird that you would open with that evaluation.

[46:04] No, she goes on.

[46:05] There's more to the letter.

[46:06] Okay, well, you know what?

[46:07] All your other episodes were terrible.

[46:09] So this was an improvement.

[46:11] I hate your podcast, and I'll never listen to it again.

[46:13] Thanks for reading my letter.

[46:14] She goes on.

[46:15] However, it immediately shot to one-worm-y boner levels of awesomeness

[46:19] when it came to the part where Dan was earnestly trying to plug the Oscar pool.

[46:23] The sheer irritation of his voice,

[46:25] combined with Stuart and Elliot's complete indifference to his annoyance,

[46:28] encapsulated what I feel is the heart and soul of the podcast.

[46:31] Dan tries to do something correctly, like plug charities for cancer research,

[46:36] and Stuart and Elliot try to distract him at every turn.

[46:39] Not even try, successfully distract him.

[46:41] It's been revealed in prior episodes that when I listen to the podcast,

[46:46] I think of Dan as a giant teddy bear.

[46:48] There's a picture of that, isn't there?

[46:50] I think there must be.

[46:52] After listening to the Oogie Loves episode, I'd like to amend that.

[46:55] I now think of Dan as an incredibly bitter, slightly inebriated teddy bear,

[46:59] like the Snuggle Bear, but one which clutches a bottle of Jack Daniels

[47:02] like a life preserver.

[47:03] So thanks, Dan.

[47:04] That's pretty close, actually.

[47:05] That's very accurate.

[47:06] The podcast is only enriched by your thinly concealed anger.

[47:09] Now, there's an example there.

[47:11] If we had written and performed a bit where Dan is trying to get out the information about this cancer fundraiser

[47:17] and Stuart and Elliot just won't let him finish, it would not have been that good.

[47:20] But the fact that we were really doing it.

[47:22] The reality of my rage.

[47:23] The real inability for him to complete it.

[47:26] Guys, stop it.

[47:28] I'm trying to do something good here.

[47:30] Flawless impression.

[47:31] Guys, it's me, Dan.

[47:33] I'm a moron.

[47:35] I'm Dan.

[47:35] I'm so dumb.

[47:36] Hold on.

[47:38] Why did I say that?

[47:39] That's so I don't understand.

[47:40] It was way better as a real failed thing than as a fake failed thing.

[47:44] But she goes on, seriously, though, I hope the Oscar pool netted millions for new skateboards.

[47:49] Millions?

[47:50] New skateboards, big league chew, and fancy fees for the house cat.

[47:54] I mean, it was for cancer.

[47:55] We established that.

[47:56] Does the house cat have cancer?

[47:57] I hope not.

[47:58] Finally, my request.

[47:59] That'd be a dark wrinkle.

[48:00] Elliot, I appeal to you, on behalf of America, talk to your BFF, Anne Hathaway.

[48:05] Since the two of you grew up across the street from one another.

[48:08] Not true.

[48:09] And you were the ducky to her Andy.

[48:10] The shake to her bake, the chip to her tail.

[48:13] Wait, what?

[48:14] I wish that we were rescue rangers.

[48:16] Yeah, I have to believe that if there's one person she would listen to, it would be you.

[48:20] Please, please, please ask her to tone it down.

[48:22] The feigned bashfulness, the winning smile, the batted eyes, it's not doing anything for her.

[48:27] So please, Elliot, save her from herself.

[48:29] In return, I'll hold the CEO of Popeye's captive until he agrees to give you free Popeye's for life.

[48:35] Keep up the floptastic work.

[48:37] Signed, Sarah, not Dan's wife.

[48:39] Sarah, you drive a hard bargain, but I think Anne's doing great.

[48:42] I mean, I think she's doing that to get over the loss of her high school love, right?

[48:45] Also, we were not high school loves or friends.

[48:49] Don't really know her very well or at all.

[48:51] And frankly, if I had free lifetime access to Popeye's, I would die tomorrow.

[48:58] I appreciate that.

[48:59] Popeye's overdose.

[49:00] I appreciate it.

[49:01] A gentleman never tells, and Elliot still will not tell the details of his torrid love affair.

[49:08] There was none.

[49:09] His four year love affair

[49:11] I think she's doing great right now

[49:13] Happy to have another successful

[49:14] Milburn High School alum

[49:16] No relationship

[49:17] Alright

[49:18] Well the last letter of the evening

[49:20] Wink

[49:21] Wait he just winked

[49:23] I was talking about Wink Martindale

[49:25] The game show host

[49:26] The last letter of the evening

[49:28] Is from Peter Last Name Withheld

[49:29] Parker

[49:30] It's titled

[49:31] Flophouse Drinking Game

[49:33] Dear Original Peaches

[49:35] I think that's just the flophouse

[49:36] While burning the late night oil

[49:38] in the wake of engaging in a highly productive drinking game

[49:41] centered around the movie Demolition Man,

[49:43] featuring Sylvester Stallone's cryogenically frozen taint in a starring role,

[49:47] it dawned on me that a...

[49:48] I don't remember that part.

[49:49] Also known as Wesley Snipes.

[49:50] It dawned on me that a Flophouse...

[49:53] You're welcome, guys.

[49:54] You're just welcome for that one.

[49:55] I think we just won an award for that joke.

[49:58] I'll take it in Coors Light.

[50:00] Flophouse drinking game is one of the last missing pieces

[50:05] in this great puzzle we call Civilization.

[50:08] sorry pardon me i'm taking a drink now with a thunderous eureka i sank my teeth into the

[50:16] soft flesh of my underarm and began writing the rules of said drinking game onto my walls in

[50:21] blood okay just now returning from the hospital i present them to you as a suggestion to be amended

[50:26] and expanded upon a lot of rules the flop house drinking game registered trademark well he

[50:32] Copyrighted it?

[50:33] Apparently.

[50:34] Drink whenever, one.

[50:36] This is how Disney just recently stopped trying to copyright the phrase Dia de los Muertos.

[50:41] Because it was decided that that would seem evil.

[50:44] If they tried to copyright the name of a holiday that people already celebrate.

[50:48] Drink whenever, number one.

[50:51] Stewart recommends Castle Freak, The Invisible Maniac, or Head of the Family.

[50:54] Oh, have we done recommendations yet today, too?

[50:57] Elliot recommends a movie that can only be obtained on nitrate film by breaking into the Warner Brothers film vault.

[51:03] Come on, anyone can do it.

[51:04] Three, Dan recommends a movie to put you asleep on an airplane.

[51:08] Four.

[51:10] He's right, you know, you gotta give him credit.

[51:12] You do it a lot.

[51:13] Four, the Flophouse house cat howls.

[51:15] That's a full beer.

[51:16] You got a shotgun.

[51:18] Yeah, it's rare.

[51:18] Five, Stuart is overtly modest in describing his penis size.

[51:22] Well, that never happens.

[51:23] I don't know what that...

[51:24] It's a monster.

[51:27] Six, Elliot's brother writes into Educate and Delight with anecdotes and statistics from the wonderful world of sports.

[51:33] Seven.

[51:34] Just thinking about it hurts so much.

[51:36] Any of the three octogenarians complained they couldn't hear what went on the movie they watched.

[51:41] Okay, it's not our fault that movies are terribly mixed these days.

[51:44] Eight.

[51:45] So somehow the new generation of kids have super ears that can pick up the tiniest noises.

[51:50] Yeah.

[51:51] Number eight, BigSausagePizza.com is mentioned.

[51:54] We haven't done that in a while, until now.

[51:56] Number nine, a guest host tries to steal Stewart's identity.

[51:59] Okay.

[52:00] Wait, how many is that?

[52:01] How many drinks?

[52:03] How many rules?

[52:04] I just said ten.

[52:05] How many minutes have we been doing this episode?

[52:07] Just joking.

[52:09] Keep going.

[52:09] I don't know what's happening.

[52:12] Total waste of time.

[52:13] I had a brain aneurysm.

[52:16] Like I watched Playing for Keeps again.

[52:18] That was the Playing for Keeps of this episode.

[52:20] Nothing happened but time passed.

[52:23] Number ten.

[52:26] A word is spoken that sounds like another word.

[52:28] Number 11, there's confusion about whether what goes on is a bit.

[52:32] And lastly, for listeners with a death wish, number 12, Dan is interrupted.

[52:38] Oh, yeah.

[52:39] You wouldn't get through a full episode.

[52:41] Nicholas Cage has been banned from appearing in the game for reasons pertaining to public health.

[52:46] Thank you for a great podcast.

[52:48] Sorry about Dan's knee.

[52:49] Now, that's how you end a letter, guys.

[52:52] Repeat last name with no.

[52:53] Faux sympathy.

[52:55] My foe, sympathy.

[52:56] My greatest foe.

[52:58] I think that that's a good idea.

[53:00] Like a drinking game?

[53:02] Yeah, if anyone does it, let me know how it turns out.

[53:04] Dan, this podcast is pitched at the 10 to 13 market.

[53:07] What?

[53:08] This is a tween podcast.

[53:09] Is that our key demographic?

[53:10] Our key demographic is tweens.

[53:12] They love my songs.

[53:13] They love our crazy antics and how we're always talking about school.

[53:16] Is that why we're always talking about the sweet life of Zack and Cody?

[53:18] That's why we're wearing our hats backwards, right?

[53:21] That's why we're wearing our hats, our head hats backwards.

[53:24] That's why there's so much Go-Gurt content in this.

[53:26] We were talking about chicken-shaped dinosaur...

[53:28] Whoa, whoa, chicken-shaped...

[53:30] What, are you going to get dinosaur meat?

[53:32] Yeah, chicken-shaped dinosaur nuggets.

[53:35] Go-Gurt dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets.

[53:39] You have a line on fresh dinosaur meat

[53:41] that you haven't been telling me about?

[53:42] It's not fresh.

[53:43] I mean, it's freshly cloned.

[53:47] Freshly, yeah.

[53:48] Freshly clowned.

[53:50] So, this is the last segment on the podcast,

[53:54] and that's where we recommend movies that we actually liked

[53:56] in contrast to direct-like Playing for Keeps.

[54:00] We're done wrecking movies.

[54:01] Now it's time to recommend them.

[54:02] Ugh, I hate you.

[54:03] I'm getting so many good lines in tonight.

[54:05] I'm going to recommend a low-budget picture called Iron Man 3

[54:10] that I saw last night, directed by Shane Black,

[54:14] director of Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

[54:18] Writer of Lethal Weapon.

[54:19] Wrote Lethal Weapon and The Last Boy Scout,

[54:22] which is one of my

[54:22] favorite movies of all time.

[54:24] Weird.

[54:26] Are they ever going to make

[54:28] that prequel,

[54:28] the second to last Boy Scout?

[54:29] The penultimate Boy Scout.

[54:31] So Iron Man 3.

[54:33] And the sequel.

[54:34] It turns out we had

[54:34] another Boy Scout after all.

[54:35] One of the things I like

[54:36] about Iron Man 3.

[54:37] It's behind a box.

[54:39] Iron Man 3.

[54:40] You liked it.

[54:41] Yeah, come on.

[54:42] I didn't like it.

[54:42] Wait, what?

[54:43] I didn't like it very much,

[54:44] but you liked it.

[54:44] Okay, well,

[54:44] what I liked about it

[54:45] is that large chunks of it

[54:46] reminded me of an 80s action movie.

[54:48] This is what I didn't like about it.

[54:50] Second off,

[54:51] It featured a lot of great character actors like William Sadler from The Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey and various Tales from the Crypt episodes as well as Miguel Ferrer as, surprise, a bad guy.

[55:03] I would have loved to have seen more Miguel Ferrer.

[55:05] Yeah, no, I agree.

[55:06] I'm sitting between you guys and you guys are like the angel and devil on my shoulder because I'm literally seeing it tomorrow and I don't know who to believe here.

[55:13] And Guy Pearce is awesome.

[55:14] Believe yourself.

[55:15] Give me more Guy Pearce, basically, any time.

[55:18] I wish they'd given Guy Pearce more to do.

[55:20] Well, what they gave him, he was great.

[55:23] Okay, I'll give you that.

[55:24] Okay, so Iron Man 3, go see it, America.

[55:28] I would like to recommend it.

[55:30] America has already seen it.

[55:31] I would like to recommend a movie called Wake in Fright,

[55:35] which is an Aussie horror film from 1971.

[55:40] An Aussie horror film, a movie starring Aussie Nelson.

[55:45] It was a largely forgotten movie.

[55:49] It came out to good reviews originally, but was not liked in its native Australia

[55:55] because it basically made the Australian Outback look like a hellhole full of crazy people.

[56:02] Whereas now, it's properly portrayed as a steakhouse full of loom and onions.

[56:06] Yeah.

[56:06] But this movie had a, like, there was a, from what I understand,

[56:12] they found a copy of this film right before basically it was going to be burned,

[56:16] and it got re-released.

[56:18] I remember it being at, like, the IFC Center in town last year

[56:20] and reading a lot of reviews, and it's out of blue right now.

[56:23] They talk about it in Not Quite Hollywood.

[56:25] Yeah, the movie about exploitation movies.

[56:27] And I feel like that sparked interest in it quite a bit more, too.

[56:31] Yeah, and it is very, like, this is the way I feel about it.

[56:36] I see so many movies, and I've seen so many movies,

[56:40] that at this point I've seen so many of the films

[56:44] that I am personally going to love.

[56:47] Like, I've tracked them down.

[56:48] I've had, like, sort of a sense of, like, what's going to be good and what I'm going to enjoy.

[56:52] That it is a really big surprise when I really respond to something.

[56:57] Like, there are a lot of movies that I see that I like, but not so many movies that I see that I love anymore.

[57:01] And I really enjoyed this movie.

[57:03] It was like sort of finding a lost masterpiece.

[57:07] And it had some of the same feeling of, like, watching something like The Wicker Man.

[57:11] But I feel like even if you haven't seen the original Wicker Man, if you haven't seen The Wicker Man,

[57:17] And I feel like it's been so long since it came out that the basic idea of it has been spoiled for you, whereas Wake and Fright, number one, there's no big twist to it, but number two, not much has been written about it, so you're not going to get spoiled in the same way.

[57:33] And it's just about a guy who is a schoolteacher who goes out, who's on break, he's on vacation, he goes through the outback, he ends up losing all of his money in this tiny outback town, so he can't get to where he needs to go to.

[57:46] and it's a horror movie

[57:48] but all of the horror in it

[57:49] is 100% psychological

[57:51] and it's basically

[57:53] a descent into hell

[57:55] in the Australian outback

[57:56] and I really enjoyed it.

[57:58] So that's my recommendation,

[58:00] Wagon Fright.

[58:00] I'm going to recommend

[58:02] two films, I think,

[58:04] which I've been doing

[58:05] a lot lately

[58:06] because I like movies so much.

[58:07] Wagon Fright and Iron Man 3?

[58:09] One is a little movie

[58:10] called Iron Man 3,

[58:11] which I didn't like

[58:13] but I'm recommending it.

[58:14] Because I hate everyone.

[58:16] Because I want you all to suffer.

[58:17] It's funny how I didn't like the things about it that you liked about it.

[58:21] But I think I would have liked those things if it was not an Iron Man movie.

[58:25] Okay.

[58:25] It was almost like I was expecting one kind of movie and got another one,

[58:28] but I wasn't delighted by the surprise.

[58:30] I was just going to like it.

[58:30] It was like the Dark Knight Rises element of it.

[58:32] Huh?

[58:35] I think a lot of people had a certain expectation going into it,

[58:39] just like with Dark Knight Rises,

[58:41] and they got something different than what they were expecting.

[58:43] Yeah, I think that's possibly the case.

[58:45] So my two movies are not those.

[58:47] I wanted to recommend first a movie called Gregory's Girl, which is a UK small film from the early 80s.

[58:56] It's a Forsyth movie.

[58:59] Same guy did Local Hero, right?

[59:00] Yeah, same guy did Local Hero, and it's very similar to Local Hero in the tone of it.

[59:03] And it's about basically like a bunch of kids at this Scottish high school.

[59:10] One of them is a soccer player.

[59:12] The main title character, Gregory, is a soccer player on the team.

[59:15] always playing for keeps he's always like well the problem is he's not playing for keeps he

[59:19] doesn't take it seriously enough and he's kind of this goofy awkward kid he has a crush on a girl

[59:24] who starts playing on the soccer team and he has some friends who are also kind of looking for

[59:30] girls but not in the like american pie like we got to get laid we're virgins but more in the way of

[59:36] like a more it felt more real to me about like young guys who are interested in girls but they

[59:41] don't really know what to do with that interest or like how to talk to girls and it made it did

[59:47] such a good job of portraying how at high school age girls feel older and more mature than guys

[59:52] and the guys are just kind of like lost and treading water trying to figure out how to keep

[59:56] up with the girls don't know what to do yeah and there's not a lot of plot in the movie but there's

[1:00:01] a lot of incident and it's very funny and very charming and like just a sweet movie in and like

[1:00:06] not a lot happens in it but by the end of the movie you feel that something has happened unlike

[1:00:09] playing for keeps which is also a soccer movie where not where supposedly a lot happens but

[1:00:13] nothing happens in it so i really enjoyed gregory's girl uh it's streaming on netflix but

[1:00:19] the version they have seems to have been a version that was released for american audiences where

[1:00:23] they re-dubbed a lot of the voices so that the scottish accents were not quite as harsh

[1:00:28] i like mad max kind of yeah except it's very clear that they're all inside the same vo booth

[1:00:33] so i want to try to find the original soundtrack version because that the tinniness of the sound

[1:00:38] kind of bugged me. It was a really good movie. And the other movie

[1:00:40] I want to recommend is, because this is going to be

[1:00:42] old news by the time this podcast

[1:00:43] is released, but we're recording this

[1:00:46] about a day or two after the death

[1:00:48] of Ray Harryhausen, and I think I've mentioned on the

[1:00:50] podcast before, personally,

[1:00:52] what he meant to me growing up, what his

[1:00:54] work meant to me. And there

[1:00:56] are two kind of moments when my dad

[1:00:58] introduced me to movies that kind of set

[1:00:59] my life on a certain path. One of them is

[1:01:02] RoboCop, and the other is The Seventh

[1:01:04] Voyage of Sinbad. When you became a robot cop.

[1:01:06] When I became a robot cop and also when I went on a voyage to an island with a side-loss on it.

[1:01:09] Started taking nuke.

[1:01:10] I got really hopped up on nuke, yeah.

[1:01:13] And started buying things for a dollar.

[1:01:17] No, just offering to buy things for a dollar.

[1:01:22] Not actually ever purchasing them.

[1:01:24] It's good to be king, right?

[1:01:25] Wait, hold on.

[1:01:27] That's a different movie.

[1:01:27] But he was very much a man who put a lot of himself into his work in a field that you don't often think that about,

[1:01:35] which is visual effects, and his work with character in his animated characters is so great.

[1:01:40] So I'd recommend, you know what, if you can find a Ray Harryhausen movie, watch it,

[1:01:45] but I especially recommend The Seventh Voyage of Sinbad and 20 Million Miles to Earth.

[1:01:49] 20 Million Miles to Earth especially has some of, I think, his best character work

[1:01:52] with the character of the Ymir, a Venusian, I think, monster who starts out little and tiny

[1:01:59] and then eventually grows to be gigantic, and the way Ray Harryhausen treats the character

[1:02:04] at each stage of his size change

[1:02:07] is pretty phenomenal in how natural it feels.

[1:02:10] So I'd like to just recognize the memory of Ray Harryhausen

[1:02:14] and tell you to go watch one of those movies.

[1:02:15] They're delightful and magical.

[1:02:17] Well, we really played for keeps tonight, guys.

[1:02:21] We kept what we played for.

[1:02:22] You've been saving that one up?

[1:02:23] Yeah.

[1:02:23] Full circle.

[1:02:25] What's weird is he's been saving that one for months now.

[1:02:27] I was going to do it for the Smiley episode, actually.

[1:02:30] Well, guys, we really played for lols this time.

[1:02:33] Yeah, we just really did it for the funzos.

[1:02:36] That's my lulz.

[1:02:39] That's what I would say.

[1:02:40] That's my lulz?

[1:02:41] What?

[1:02:42] That's my boy.

[1:02:43] Oh, right.

[1:02:44] We watched that movie.

[1:02:45] What?

[1:02:45] So.

[1:02:46] Bratz.

[1:02:47] For the Flophouse.

[1:02:49] Flophouse.

[1:02:50] I've been.

[1:02:51] Dan McCoy.

[1:02:52] And I'm.

[1:02:53] You've been.

[1:02:54] Stuart Wellington.

[1:02:55] And he's been.

[1:02:56] Elliot Kalin.

[1:02:58] And we are.

[1:02:59] The Flophouse.

[1:03:00] The Flophouse.

[1:03:00] And he is.

[1:03:01] Dan McCoy.

[1:03:02] And you are.

[1:03:03] Stuart Wellington?

[1:03:04] And that is...

[1:03:05] That's the computer.

[1:03:06] And that is...

[1:03:09] A couch.

[1:03:09] And we are...

[1:03:10] The Flophouse?

[1:03:12] And we're sitting at...

[1:03:13] A table.

[1:03:14] Good night, everyone.

[1:03:15] Good night?

[1:03:16] Good night.

[1:03:33] One thing I learned, do not email Dan on Saturdays and say, get this, get that movie up.

[1:03:39] Hey, that happened to me too.

[1:03:41] And Dan was like, I'm fucking busy.

[1:03:43] It didn't happen to me.

[1:03:45] I'm not busy, I can't deal with this.

[1:03:47] I'm going to Derby Day.

[1:03:48] I've been so busy drinking and not watching a horse race.

[1:03:51] A social plan I had for a while.

[1:03:54] I'm sorry I couldn't be there, by the way.

[1:03:56] I did my best to get it up as quickly as I could, but I had a lot of things.

[1:03:59] I never promised anyone that I'd be up at a particular time.

[1:04:02] Dan said all that in a different context.

[1:04:03] I did my best to get it up quickly, but there were other things.

[1:04:06] Get it?

[1:04:08] Talk about his wiener.

The Flop House: Episode #126 - Playing for Keeps

Transcript

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