The Flop House: Episode #128 - Red Dawn

Dan McCoy

[0:00] In this episode, we discuss the teens take down the North Korean Army movie, Red Dawn.

Stuart Wellington

[0:30] Hey everyone, and welcome to the Flophouse. I'm Dan McCoy.

[0:35] Hey Dan McCoy. I am Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[0:38] Hey guys, I'm Elliot Kalin. Nice to meet you.

[0:41] No, really, get out of here.

[0:42] Oh, I gotta go.

[0:43] We're replacing you.

[0:44] Footsteps, footsteps, footsteps. Door slams. Car, plane, rocket ship.

Dan McCoy

[0:49] Crackle, crackle, crackle. Cellophane.

Elliott Kalan

[0:51] Cellophane. I guess I should say it's fire.

[0:54] Cornstarch, cornstarch. It's snowing outside.

Dan McCoy

[0:58] It was in the winter of 1812 that I...

[1:02] Wait, what are we doing?

[1:04] This is our old-time radio comedy podcast, right?

[1:07] Yeah, it's called the Flophouse.

Elliott Kalan

[1:09] What do we do on the Flophouse, Dan?

Dan McCoy

[1:10] We talk about a bad...

Elliott Kalan

[1:11] Aside from dick around and make up garbage.

Dan McCoy

[1:15] We watch a bad movie directly before the podcast.

[1:18] People ask, do you watch the movie directly before the podcast?

[1:20] We do.

Elliott Kalan

[1:21] We are coming fresh off the movie.

[1:24] We watched it literally less than eight minutes ago.

Dan McCoy

[1:26] Not even had time to towel off.

Elliott Kalan

[1:28] Nope, we're still all sweaty from the movie.

Dan McCoy

[1:30] If we seem crazy or angry, it's because we just watched the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:34] And what movie made us angry this night?

Dan McCoy

[1:36] We watched a little movie called Red Dawn.

[1:39] Rated R.

Elliott Kalan

[1:40] Rated PG-13.

[1:42] Wait, the original Red Dawn?

[1:43] We did not watch the original Red Dawn.

Dan McCoy

[1:44] Now, I was disappointed that this was not the movie where Prairie Dawn from Sesame Street is a serial killer.

[1:52] Red Dawn?

Stuart Wellington

[1:52] You lost me.

[1:53] No?

[1:53] You have those.

[1:54] Come on, Red Dawn.

[1:55] That's weirder than the Red Dawn-a-saurus joke.

[1:57] Where communist dinosaurs invade America.

Elliott Kalan

[2:00] Yeah, it's Joseph Stalin-a-saurus-rex.

Dan McCoy

[2:03] Well, here's where you lose me.

[2:05] The idea that a dinosaur...

[2:06] Soloran-a-saurus-rex.

[2:07] The idea that a dinosaur ascribes to any particular ideology, their brains were the size of a walnut.

Stuart Wellington

[2:12] If they don't work together, how are the Tyrannosaurus going to scratch their back or brush their teeth?

[2:17] For the greater good of the collective.

[2:18] Oh, the collective.

Dan McCoy

[2:19] Yeah, I get it.

[2:20] All right.

Stuart Wellington

[2:20] There's got to be some kind of a dinosaur that does that for them.

Dan McCoy

[2:23] The means of production need to be in the tiny hand of the T-Rex.

Stuart Wellington

[2:26] Yep.

[2:26] Yeah.

[2:26] The two-fingered hand of the T-Rex.

[2:29] So.

[2:29] Whereas, like, I don't know, brontosauruses are used for, I don't know, mining a quarry or something?

Dan McCoy

[2:35] Yeah, brontosauruses are used for mining a quarry, and then you slide down their backs when it's quitting time.

Elliott Kalan

[2:41] Okay, one, that's from a cartoon, and two, you're both morons.

[2:44] They're called apatosauruses.

Dan McCoy

[2:46] It's true.

[2:47] The brontosaurus was a falzy.

Elliott Kalan

[2:50] This named incorrect speech.

Stuart Wellington

[2:52] Yeah.

[2:52] This has been Elliot's dorky dinosaur hour.

Elliott Kalan

[2:54] This has been the Fossil House with me, paleontologist Elliot Kalin, and our own house dinosaur.

[3:01] Elliot Kalin?

[3:02] The house dorky.

Dan McCoy

[3:04] Paleontologist.

[3:05] Wait, save it.

[3:05] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[3:05] My last name is not Kalin.

[3:08] So we watched the movie Red Dawn tonight.

Dan McCoy

[3:10] Sarah Kalin's favorite movie.

Elliott Kalan

[3:12] It might be.

[3:14] It's probably that or, like, Steel Magnolias or, like, The Hands of Dr. Orlop or some shit.

[3:18] I don't know.

[3:18] Pirates of the Caribbean.

[3:19] Pirates of the Caribbean.

[3:21] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[3:22] She likes, uh...

Elliott Kalan

[3:23] Legend of the Lost Dinosaur.

Dan McCoy

[3:24] She likes Shag.

[3:25] She's a big fan of Shag.

Elliott Kalan

[3:27] She might be a big fan of Shag.

Dan McCoy

[3:28] And who isn't?

[3:30] It's about a dance.

Elliott Kalan

[3:31] Or Dag.

[3:31] For a second, I thought you were bringing us back on track there, but no.

[3:34] So, Red Dawn.

[3:35] We watched the remake, which came out last year.

[3:38] Yep.

[3:38] Sat on the shelf.

[3:39] Sat on the shelf for a little while.

[3:41] Partly as a result of a couple different things.

[3:43] Uh, MGM, the production company.

[3:45] Or, I guess...

Dan McCoy

[3:46] Metro Golden Mayor.

[3:48] Just to clarify.

[3:49] It's not a golden mayor.

[3:50] All right.

Elliott Kalan

[3:50] It's not a golden mayor.

[3:51] You're so wrong in everything tonight.

[3:54] Metro, Goldwyn after Samuel Goldwyn, and mayor after Leo G. Mayor.

[3:59] Metro is from Metro Studios.

[4:01] What?

[4:02] You moron.

[4:02] What movie company did I buy stock in?

[4:05] So, wait a minute.

[4:05] You bought stock in Metro Golden Mayor, the sequel to Golden Hotel...

[4:09] Golden Palace, which was the sequel to The Golden Girls.

[4:12] So, that's the movie studio that Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia opened up to make movies

[4:19] about randy old ladies.

[4:21] Basically a bunch of cocoons.

[4:22] Yeah.

[4:22] The Cocoon 3, the sexifying, and Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.

[4:27] All right.

[4:30] Sat on the shelf for a while.

[4:32] MGM, the parent company, filed for bankruptcy.

Stuart Wellington

[4:35] It's the movie studio with the tiger, right?

[4:37] Or no, lion.

[4:38] It's a lion.

Elliott Kalan

[4:40] Do you guys know anything about anything?

Dan McCoy

[4:45] It's a podcast that specializes in wrong facts about MGM.

Elliott Kalan

[4:49] I know.

[4:50] I get.

[4:50] I'm a pedant to put all their money on tiger food, probably.

[4:55] That's why they had money troubles.

[4:56] And then their lion died because they're a lion and not a tiger.

[5:00] They eat completely different food.

[5:01] Their body doesn't absorb nutrients the same way.

[5:03] So, it ate all the tiger food and it didn't do any good.

[5:06] Okay.

[5:09] Mm-hmm.

[5:09] The parent company filed for bankruptcy after production of this movie, but I think before

[5:13] post-production and before release.

[5:15] Okay.

[5:15] It's out of the shelf for a while.

[5:16] It's a movie about an invasion of the United States by a foreign country.

[5:20] Originally, that country was China.

[5:22] Not going to sell it on China.

[5:23] China.

[5:23] China is the, I think, second largest film market in the world for American films.

[5:27] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[5:27] I mean, Iron Man 3 famously added extra China-centric scenes to pander to the Chinese audience.

[5:35] Or to panda, if you will.

[5:37] I was going to say that.

[5:37] To panda to them, Stuart.

Elliott Kalan

[5:40] Well, they did add that scene where Iron Panda comes in.

[5:41] How do you panda to something?

Dan McCoy

[5:43] You eat a lot of panda.

Elliott Kalan

[5:44] And you don't have sex and domesticity.

[5:48] Or captivity, I guess.

Stuart Wellington

[5:51] Yeah.

[5:52] Yeah, because it's not like they're keeping pandas in their house and shit.

Elliott Kalan

[5:55] The panda has settled down.

[5:57] It doesn't get out as much as it used to.

[5:58] You know, it's just dinner and all.

[6:00] That's the thing.

Dan McCoy

[6:00] Pandas are married for a while.

[6:02] Their sex life dies off.

[6:04] They've let themselves go.

[6:05] They're already fat bears.

[6:08] They get morbidly abused.

[6:10] The bears make fun of them.

Elliott Kalan

[6:11] Yeah.

[6:11] Let's be honest.

[6:12] They're already the least sexy of bears.

[6:14] They have neither the robust buxomness of the grizzly, nor the spelt,

[6:22] naughtiness of the black bear.

[6:24] Once you go, black bear.

[6:26] And, of course, polar bears are just fucking, they'll do anything.

[6:29] Yeah.

[6:29] Polar bears, you just know they'll.

Dan McCoy

[6:30] The sluts of the animal kingdom.

[6:33] They're just open to whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[6:34] So, Red, as you may have noticed, audience, we don't have, Red Dawn made very little impression

[6:39] on us.

Dan McCoy

[6:39] Red Dawn drove us mad.

Elliott Kalan

[6:41] So, originally, it was China who were the villains, but realizing that China is a huge.

[6:45] They're too busy with their pandas.

[6:46] It's a huge family.

[6:47] They don't have time to invade.

[6:48] That's what Stuart took away from it.

[6:49] Post-production, they actually changed the movie so that it was about North Korea invading

[6:53] America, which is stupid for two reasons.

Dan McCoy

[6:56] Stupid and racist.

Elliott Kalan

[6:58] Well, racist that you can just swap out Chinese people that you can just, you can dub in North

[7:02] Korea, dub in Korean.

Dan McCoy

[7:04] Just change the CGI flags.

Elliott Kalan

[7:07] Well, the underlying assumption is, one, all Asians look alike.

[7:11] Mm-hmm.

[7:11] And, which we do all the time anyway in our movies.

[7:13] Like, we have Japanese and Chinese actors playing Asian of all types.

Stuart Wellington

[7:17] Yeah, like Joel Grey in that movie.

[7:21] That, uh...

[7:21] Well, that's Yellow Face.

[7:22] That's a different thing.

Elliott Kalan

[7:22] That's the James Bond villain.

[7:24] But, yeah.

[7:25] I mean, for years, you had white actors playing Asian characters, and it was very offensive.

[7:29] But now it's just like, we've made the step in progress that at least we have the right

[7:33] continent.

[7:33] Yeah.

[7:34] That the actors are from.

[7:35] But, uh, they, this, what's stupid about it is that, also is that, and this is a point

[7:40] that's been made for, North Korea, and I'll, boy will I have egg on my face if North Korea

[7:45] invades and conquers the U.S. before this episode shows up.

[7:48] But it is very unlikely that North Korea, a country with...

Stuart Wellington

[7:51] When America's using the flop house as the voice of resistance.

[7:54] Yeah, exactly.

[7:55] A very small country.

Elliott Kalan

[7:56] A very small country.

[7:57] That has been isolated globally.

[7:59] It has one main supporter, which is China, that it's dependent on, and it has no food for

[8:04] a lot of the people in it.

[8:05] Throughout the 90s, it went through massive starvation and hasn't totally recovered from

[8:10] that.

[8:10] So, like, the idea that it literally...

[8:12] Well, it's a huge attack.

[8:14] A huge air invasion with paratroopers and immediately cripples and takes over the country is astounding.

Dan McCoy

[8:21] Also, somehow, somehow, like, within, like, it seems like days or a day of invading, they

[8:27] have tanks on the ground in the U.S.

[8:29] Like, apparently, they have crippled, uh, they've had this blackout, they've crippled us with paratroopers,

[8:35] and then they, uh, have, like, they speedboated these tanks across the ocean.

Elliott Kalan

[8:41] And yet, all you see as a result...

[8:42] We should go back to the beginning of the movie, but all you see as the result, mainly of

[8:45] the North Korean occupation is a lot of roadblocks.

[8:48] Yeah.

[8:48] Uh, and a lot of posters that they've put up.

[8:51] So...

[8:51] Yeah, that's what they put in their tanks.

[8:52] It's a poster-based war.

[8:54] So, when...

[8:54] I mean, North Korea is a poster-based society to a certain extent, but it's like, North Korea

[8:58] invaded and conquered America, and then it, like, really wanted to promote its band.

[9:02] Yeah.

[9:02] So, just plastered posters all over the walls.

Dan McCoy

[9:04] Oh, come out.

[9:05] There's also free beer for an hour.

[9:07] Well, 15 minutes.

Stuart Wellington

[9:08] But also...

[9:10] That's how you trick them into leaving their houses.

[9:12] Then you round them up and stick them in shipping containers.

[9:15] Yeah.

[9:15] Or orange jumpsuits.

[9:16] Re-education camp.

Elliott Kalan

[9:17] Those passive-aggressive re-education camp ever.

[9:20] Sure.

[9:20] But we'll get to that.

[9:21] The reason I'll say that is because there's a big billboard in the re-education camp that

[9:24] says, you deserve to be here.

[9:26] Which is such a...

[9:28] It's like what your mom would put up in the re-education camp.

[9:31] It's just like...

[9:32] They need a billboard that says, think about what you did.

[9:35] Do you really think you need to eat that?

Dan McCoy

[9:37] That's another poster.

[9:38] You're gonna ruin your appetite, yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[9:41] So, we open up.

[9:42] We're in Spokane, Washington.

[9:44] And we're introduced to the Eckert family.

[9:46] Bustling metropolis.

[9:47] Bustling small city.

[9:50] And we're introduced to the Eckert family.

[9:52] That's Chris Hemsworth as Eckert guy number one.

[9:56] I don't remember.

[9:56] Jed Eckert.

[9:57] Who just came back from the war of Iraq.

Dan McCoy

[10:00] And Aaron Eckert as Two-Face.

Elliott Kalan

[10:02] Nope.

[10:03] His younger brother...

[10:05] He's playing two characters.

[10:06] His younger brother, who is a football star at the high school.

[10:08] And their dad, who is the sheriff, played by an actor who looks like Chris Cooper, but

[10:12] he's not.

[10:12] He's playing Chris Cooper, playing this character.

Dan McCoy

[10:14] He's a character...

[10:15] He's an actor you may remember from The Dark Knight Rises as the senator.

[10:20] Bane.

[10:21] Senator Bane.

[10:22] Senator Bane.

[10:22] No, he was not a senator.

[10:23] I don't think you understood that movie.

Elliott Kalan

[10:24] You remember that part where Bane was elected to the Senate?

[10:28] And then he spent all his time with fundraisers.

[10:31] It's so hard to work within the system.

[10:33] I couldn't say Bane.

[10:34] Batman.

Dan McCoy

[10:35] What we need is a comprehensive filibuster form.

Elliott Kalan

[10:38] I actually don't know that they're going to be able to hear us when we're covering our

[10:40] mouths in front of a microphone.

[10:41] But we were doing Bane as a senator.

[10:43] Anyway.

[10:44] I rise and protest, Batman, to this vote.

[10:48] Anyway, and so forth.

Dan McCoy

[10:50] Yeah.

[10:50] Good comedy move.

[10:52] You can imagine other jokes.

[10:54] You get it.

Elliott Kalan

[10:54] Write some yourself.

Dan McCoy

[10:56] Play along at home.

Elliott Kalan

[10:58] Call Batman and ask him why he hasn't provided the funds.

[11:02] I'm Bane and I approve this message.

[11:05] Children of the night.

[11:07] He should have been a vampire.

[11:09] Anyway.

[11:10] So we're introduced to these characters at a football game, high school football game.

[11:14] The younger brother.

[11:15] Or the team, the Wolverines.

[11:16] The team, the Wolverines.

[11:17] The younger brother has a girlfriend.

[11:20] One of their friends has a video podcast.

[11:23] Yeah.

[11:23] And another friend is black.

[11:25] And that is the extent of the characterization for the movie for the most part.

Dan McCoy

[11:28] And there's a lady who's Tyra Colette from Friday Night Lights.

[11:32] Who is.

[11:32] Can't get away from football.

[11:33] Yeah, no.

Elliott Kalan

[11:34] And she is a friend of theirs?

[11:37] She's a waitress.

[11:38] I don't want to pull an in time here.

[11:39] I don't want to pull an in time here.

Stuart Wellington

[11:39] Basically, imagine the beginning of Battleship, but without a burrito on it.

Elliott Kalan

[11:43] There was a point where they're all hanging out at a bar.

[11:46] And Stuart and I looked at each other.

[11:47] We both were like, is this Battleship?

[11:49] Did they trick us into watching Battleship again?

[11:50] And yet, without the best scene when John Carter goes in and steals a burrito from a store.

[11:56] But anyway.

[11:57] I don't remember.

[11:58] Yeah, when John Carter does that.

[11:59] Well, he jumps really high through the window, right?

[12:02] Yeah, sure.

[12:02] He steals the burrito from Tars Tarkin.

[12:04] His fucking.

[12:05] His fucking.

Dan McCoy

[12:06] He's used to the Earth's gravity, so he can steal burritos really well.

[12:09] Oh.

Elliott Kalan

[12:11] Our yellow son gives him burrito stealing powers.

[12:14] Anyway, they're at a bar hanging out after the game that they lost.

[12:17] And the power goes out.

[12:19] There's been a blackout.

[12:20] That's weird.

[12:21] Uh-oh.

[12:22] But they don't really.

[12:23] It doesn't affect them that much.

[12:24] But until the next morning, when North Korean troops are literally just falling out of the sky.

[12:29] I mean, they're parachuting down.

[12:30] It's not like.

Dan McCoy

[12:31] They're like.

[12:32] That would be a very ineffective invasion.

Elliott Kalan

[12:34] It's not like the beginning of the happening, when those guys are just falling off the construction site.

[12:37] Shot a bunch of human cannonballs.

[12:41] We couldn't afford parachutes.

[12:43] So hopefully some of you will make it.

Dan McCoy

[12:45] The first wave of you will break the other people's fall.

Elliott Kalan

[12:49] We'll get a pile of three or four dead guys.

[12:51] And that'll serve as a cushion for the next guys who finally pull the invasion off.

Stuart Wellington

[12:55] It's Clyde Barker's in the hills of the cities.

[12:58] So it's like the one big.

[13:00] It's the one big.

[13:01] It's the one big effect shot in the movie is this CGI guys like parachuting down and then planes crashing.

[13:07] And that was the shot that was in all the trailers.

[13:10] Yeah.

[13:10] Leading you to believe that.

[13:11] Oh, the whole movie is going to be.

[13:13] Awesome.

Elliott Kalan

[13:13] Some huge effect stuff.

[13:15] But there's very few.

[13:16] Actually, one of the things that I would say I liked about it if I liked the movie at all, which I didn't.

[13:20] Is that there isn't that much CGI in the movie.

[13:24] Which is nice.

[13:24] Terrible.

[13:25] You got computers.

Stuart Wellington

[13:26] Use them, man.

[13:27] Have the Koreans already invaded and stole our own computers?

Elliott Kalan

[13:30] The movie opens with a montage of some real news footage, some fake news footage of America's economy is collapsing.

[13:38] We're sending troops everywhere.

[13:39] Russia invades Georgia.

[13:40] And North Korea is amping up.

[13:42] And there's literally a CGI shot of a CGI North Korean flag being raised up a flagpole with other Asian flags.

[13:49] And it's like, come on.

[13:50] Seriously, it was cheaper to do that than to just shoot a flag being raised on a flagpole?

[13:54] Come on, people.

[13:54] But so there's this big CGI army of paratroopers falling down.

[13:59] America is instantly crippled.

[14:02] But our teen heroes, I call them the Kid Commandos, led by Chris Hemsworth and his family and a bunch of their buddies.

Dan McCoy

[14:10] Yeah, you may know Chris Hemsworth as Thor.

Elliott Kalan

[14:12] Or as the hunter, the huntsman from Snow and the Huntsman.

[14:16] Or the cabin.

[14:16] From the cabin in the woods.

[14:17] You did not play the cabin.

[14:18] You played John cabin.

[14:20] You're his partner, Dirk Woods.

[14:23] And they have sex at one point.

[14:24] And they have sex at one point.

Elliott Kalan

[14:24] That's why it's the cabin in the woods.

[14:25] Wow.

Stuart Wellington

[14:25] But he's also a Christ figure, thus the JC.

[14:29] Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[14:29] Get it?

[14:30] Yeah.

[14:30] I don't think you get it yet.

[14:31] All right.

[14:32] Wait, hold on.

[14:32] Let's go.

Dan McCoy

[14:33] So anyway, what I'm recommending tonight is the gay porn cop film, Christ Allegory, Cabin in the Woods.

[14:43] He also cures someone's urinary tract infection at one point by turning it into bees.

[14:53] What?

Elliott Kalan

[14:54] That would make it so much worse.

Dan McCoy

[14:57] Stuart knows what I'm talking about.

Stuart Wellington

[15:00] No, yeah, he's right, Elliot.

[15:01] Just listen to him.

[15:02] Is this because I'm Jewish?

Elliott Kalan

[15:05] I don't understand.

[15:05] I miss this story of Christ when he has a urinary tract infection.

[15:09] I'm putting bees in someone's face.

[15:10] There's a fire.

Dan McCoy

[15:11] There's a fire.

[15:11] There's a fire burning inside you.

[15:13] And it's the Green Mile.

Elliott Kalan

[15:17] Oh, I see.

[15:18] He turned it into locusts.

[15:19] Yeah, that's what it was.

[15:20] But you made it sound like, he said like, boom, the infection inside you is now bees.

Dan McCoy

[15:26] You're welcome.

[15:27] Pay the receptionist on your way out.

Elliott Kalan

[15:29] One, these are bees inside me.

[15:31] Two, I didn't realize I had to pay for the service.

[15:34] And they have receptionists and prisons?

[15:36] The bees are stinging my urethra.

[15:38] And Nicholas Cage is like, giving me a UTI won't bring back your stupid bees.

[15:43] Okay.

[15:44] Oh, there's so many crossovers on this show.

[15:47] I'll see you guys later.

[15:47] So the kids escape in a car chase.

[15:50] And the North Koreans are hapless to catch them.

Stuart Wellington

[15:52] I mean, most of the chase is them just driving away.

[15:55] That's true.

Elliott Kalan

[15:55] They get away pretty early and then they're just driving over bumps.

[15:58] But it's shot as if they're in trouble.

[16:00] And there's one North Korean guy who you see a close-up of.

[16:04] So you know he's like the leader of the bad guys.

[16:06] Yeah, he's the boss.

[16:07] I don't know that he ever gets a full name, character, personality.

[16:11] He is just the single North Korean face of the evil that we are being taken over by.

[16:17] Right.

[16:17] And this evil is expressed mainly by...

[16:19] He is the yellow menace in this film.

Stuart Wellington

[16:22] I'm pretty sure that it's like General Cho or something because we made that...

[16:26] Like it's John Cho from, you know...

[16:28] Oh, yeah, yeah.

[16:28] The soundtrack joke.

[16:29] Oh, yeah.

[16:29] Maybe they call him that.

[16:30] That classic joke.

[16:31] Yeah.

[16:33] But...

[16:34] Just doing some riffs.

[16:35] Riffing on names.

[16:36] That's Harold.

[16:36] That's us.

[16:37] Check it out.

[16:38] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[16:39] Anyway, I'm back.

[16:40] I left for a minute.

[16:42] You were dissing yourself.

[16:44] I didn't get up, but my spirit left my body.

[16:47] And I just returned.

[16:48] So they go to a cabin.

[16:51] They hole up in the cabin for a night and they find some fun.

Dan McCoy

[16:54] Again, Chris Hemsworth should know better than to go in a cabin in the woods.

[16:56] He's already been in a cabin in the woods.

Elliott Kalan

[16:58] He's already been a huntsman.

[16:59] He knows woods are dangerous.

[17:00] And he's already been Thor.

[17:01] Just hit the North Koreans with your hammer, dude.

Dan McCoy

[17:03] Yeah.

[17:04] Fucking done.

Elliott Kalan

[17:04] But actually, I don't know how many of those movies he had made when he shot this since

[17:09] this release was delayed for a while.

Dan McCoy

[17:11] Well, that's like the story of his career because Cabin in the Woods sat around for a long

[17:16] time, too.

[17:17] A much better movie, obviously.

[17:19] I didn't realize that.

[17:19] Yeah.

[17:20] So Chris Hemsworth was destined for stardom five years ago.

Elliott Kalan

[17:26] I mean, now he's now Thor.

[17:27] He's in the-

[17:27] Yeah, yeah.

[17:28] Now he's a big shot.

[17:29] Everyone's favorite Marvel movie, Thor.

Dan McCoy

[17:32] Well, no, but you and I were talking about, like, we both agree that he was probably the

[17:36] best thing in that Snow White and the Hutsman movie.

Elliott Kalan

[17:38] Oh, by far.

[17:39] But that's- he was the only one with any personality.

[17:41] Yeah.

[17:41] What about Kristen Stewart?

[17:42] She was great.

[17:43] Kristen Stewart?

[17:44] Kristen Stewart.

[17:46] Another Christ-Hellie.

[17:47] No, she is terrible.

[17:49] First off, gorgeous.

[17:50] What's weird-

[17:51] Beautiful.

[17:51] Snow White and the Huntsman does-

[17:52] Yeah, the person in the land.

[17:53] It does play to Kristen Stewart's strength in that she seems to be floating through the

[17:56] movie in a coma the entire time.

[17:58] Confused.

[17:58] Confused and just kind of, like, vaguely sleepwalking and not saying much and just looking-

Stuart Wellington

[18:04] And with her strange, like, emaciated figure and weird ear shape-

[18:08] Wow.

[18:09] It's really judgy.

[18:11] Come on.

[18:12] The movie, making her wet most of the time, really plays to her strengths.

[18:16] Whoa.

[18:17] Okay, Red Dawn.

[18:18] Let's just go through.

Elliott Kalan

[18:18] There's not a lot of fun in Red Dawn.

[18:21] There's an argument between Chris Hemsworth and one of their buddies, and he runs off, tips

[18:26] off the North Koreans to where these kids are hanging out.

[18:29] North Koreans come by with their dads, and the sheriff-

[18:32] Not the North Korean dad.

[18:34] The kids.

Dan McCoy

[18:35] Hey, do you want to be better in front of our dads?

[18:38] It's take your father to war day.

Elliott Kalan

[18:39] Having honor in front of your parents is a big thing in our culture, so just let us

[18:43] conquer you, okay?

[18:44] We're really embarrassed.

[18:45] Take your dad to war day.

[18:48] He goes, take your dad to work day is the thing.

[18:51] Yep.

[18:51] When you take your retired dad to your office.

[18:56] When you take your dad-

[18:56] I did this.

Dan McCoy

[18:57] I did this for 65 years.

Elliott Kalan

[18:59] And your dad's like-

[19:00] Just let me die.

[19:01] I should be at work right now.

[19:02] Why am I missing a day at work to sit here and watch you?

[19:04] Well, let me get you some coloring books.

[19:06] No, I don't want that.

Dan McCoy

[19:07] Is there a recliner I can nap in, possibly, somewhere?

Elliott Kalan

[19:14] To put it in word, anywho, their dad, not Chris Cooper, says-

[19:21] They want him to say, come out, surrender, and he says, I want you to do what I would

[19:25] have done.

[19:26] Fight back and kill this piece of shit, or something like that.

[19:30] And they shoot not Chris Cooper in the head.

Dan McCoy

[19:31] And this is the scene that everyone remembers from the original Red Dawn, when Harry Dean

[19:36] Stanton gets killed.

[19:38] But it's more exciting, because he's actually in an internment camp at the time.

[19:42] He's clinging to the fence, if I recall.

[19:44] Yeah, here they're just in a field.

Elliott Kalan

[19:46] They're just in the front yard of a house.

[19:48] Yeah.

[19:48] It's not even really a cabin.

[19:49] It's a house.

Stuart Wellington

[19:49] And we haven't really seen them kill that many people at this point.

[19:52] No.

Elliott Kalan

[19:52] It's an incredibly bloodless victory.

[19:54] They've killed-

Dan McCoy

[19:55] Well, that's to the North Koreans credit, guys.

[19:57] Yeah, that's true.

Elliott Kalan

[19:58] They're humane conquerors.

[19:59] You know what?

[20:00] The train's finally running on time.

[20:02] Subway's packed.

[20:04] Subway sandwich.

[20:05] Wolverines are really the villains of this.

[20:06] So the kids decide to go into hiding, and they become a terrorist paramilitary group called

[20:11] the Wolverines.

[20:12] Chris, after their high school team-

Dan McCoy

[20:13] So they train by jumping off of cliffs.

Elliott Kalan

[20:14] They train mainly by jumping off of cliffs and pointing water guns at each other.

[20:18] And then they-

[20:19] It's a relatively boring montage of them doing stuff.

[20:21] They don't even have an 80s pop power song behind the training montage.

[20:25] And then they get guns and money from what they refer to as friends.

[20:31] And they pull off instantly a series of incredibly successful insurgent attacks on the North Koreans.

[20:41] The North Koreans are caught flat-footed literally every time, for the most part.

[20:45] And it's literally just a bunch of six or seven kids shooting the hell out of these soldiers.

[20:50] And it gets to a point where I'm almost kind of feeling bad for the North Koreans,

[20:53] because they're totally outclassed by these high school students.

Dan McCoy

[20:56] But also, Stuart, you pointed this out, that in addition to being like-

[20:59] The weird thing about this movie is that it's both a militia person's fantasy,

[21:05] but also like a pro-terrorism film.

[21:09] Like a totally like, oh, let's root for the insurgents.

Stuart Wellington

[21:14] Yeah, it's a great idea.

[21:15] Teach terrorists they can put bombs under skateboards.

[21:18] Then they'll just blow up all these checkpoints with them.

Elliott Kalan

[21:20] Yeah.

[21:21] And like you were saying, so the way that-

[21:23] There's three ways that the North Korean occupation displays itself.

[21:28] One is checkpoints at every street corner, it looks like.

[21:32] The second is they give a lot of speeches through megafons.

[21:34] What are they checking to make sure they're not Wolverine?

[21:37] I guess so.

[21:38] Making sure that your pants aren't sagging or-

[21:40] How did-

[21:40] That's really big.

[21:42] No crack can show in North Korea.

[21:43] Yeah.

[21:44] And the third way is they have an internment camp that's like just barbed wire around a bunch of shipping containers,

[21:50] and people just hang around in orange jumpsuits.

[21:52] They don't seem to do anything.

[21:53] But why do they put some people over there?

[21:53] And that's where they have a big billboard that says, you deserve to be here.

[21:56] And yeah.

[21:57] Think about what you do.

[21:58] One of the football players' girlfriend is thrown in this internment camp.

[22:02] We don't know why.

[22:03] What did she do?

[22:04] We don't find out.

[22:05] She has non-regulation eyebrows, probably.

[22:07] She does have very bushy eyebrows.

Dan McCoy

[22:10] For a woman that skinny and that blonde, her eyebrows are oversized.

Elliott Kalan

[22:13] Very dark.

[22:14] Eventually they try to sabotage a speech that would kill the main commander.

Stuart Wellington

[22:19] You're talking about something that happens after a daring daylight raid on a Subway sandwich shop.

[22:25] I thought this was before the Subway sandwich shop.

[22:27] No, this is-

Elliott Kalan

[22:28] Oh, I'm sorry.

[22:29] As one of the-

[22:29] Where they steal a bucket full of every kind of soda.

[22:32] As one of the-

[22:33] During one of the-

[22:34] A suicide bucket of soda.

[22:35] One of the dozens of flawlessly executed amateur terrorist attacks.

[22:40] The-

[22:40] Or, sorry, patriotic insurgent rise-em-ups.

[22:43] They go-

[22:44] They stop into a Subway sandwich shop.

Dan McCoy

[22:45] Well, two of them just find themselves holing up in a Subway sandwich.

Elliott Kalan

[22:48] They run away from the soldiers and they end up in a Subway sandwich shop.

[22:51] They immediately demand bread and sandwiches from the guy at the counter.

[22:54] Subway sandwiches.

[22:55] Turn a chicken!

Dan McCoy

[22:57] Give us a bucket to put in.

[22:58] You have to put soda in.

[22:59] Even though that's-

Elliott Kalan

[22:59] You just see one of them take a bucket and put it up against the soda dispensers.

Dan McCoy

[23:02] Yeah, that's probably the mop bucket.

[23:04] That was a bleach bucket.

Elliott Kalan

[23:05] Yeah.

[23:05] So that, like, five or six different sodas were all pouring into this bucket.

[23:09] So, yeah.

[23:09] This is obviously a shady bucket.

Dan McCoy

[23:10] I should have cut you, like, all of the Wolverines with straws in the one bucket.

Elliott Kalan

[23:14] In the same bucket?

[23:15] In the same bucket?

[23:15] Oh, I imagined him trying to drink out of the one bucket and just spills all over him.

[23:19] Oh.

[23:19] Oh, man.

[23:20] My sodas.

[23:21] This is my only shirt.

[23:22] But I love this.

[23:24] But this is- the fact that they will drink a big mop bucket full of soda, mixed up soda, is the only sense we get that they are suffering at all during this.

[23:34] That they have any hardship.

[23:35] They live in an abandoned mine shaft.

[23:37] And they're so clean.

[23:39] Their clothes are so well ironed.

[23:40] They have beautiful skin and hair.

Stuart Wellington

[23:42] When I was wearing a kiki scarf around.

[23:45] Yeah.

[23:46] It's after they finish their amazing meal of Subway sandwiches and bucket soda.

[23:52] They're having this conversation about-

[23:54] It's called Boda.

[23:54] They're having this conversation about, like, all the things they miss.

[23:57] And they're all looking around.

[23:58] They all look like they just took a shower.

[24:00] They're all well shaved.

[24:01] They look like they're getting ready for-

Elliott Kalan

[24:02] They look like they're waiting for the Abercrombie photo shoot to start.

[24:06] Yeah.

[24:06] In this abandoned mine shaft.

[24:08] They-

[24:08] Like, they didn't run on a hair gel yet.

[24:10] They're good.

[24:11] I mean-

[24:11] Nothing.

[24:11] They run through a thrift store at one point.

[24:13] And the thrift store woman's like, here, take a bunch of clothes and have a gun.

[24:17] They, you know, they are having- doing a great job living off the land.

[24:20] Yeah.

Dan McCoy

[24:20] There are some blessed terrorists.

[24:22] I'll tell you what.

Elliott Kalan

[24:23] And there was something really adorable in Dan when they ran into the thrift shop and Dan went, ooh.

[24:30] As if he was going to get to visit the thrift shop.

[24:32] And maybe buy some old albums.

Dan McCoy

[24:34] It was more interesting than anything else I had seen on screen up until that point.

[24:38] It's like, oh, look.

[24:39] They've got a whole rack of, like, CDs.

[24:41] I wonder what they got there.

[24:43] I can get those for two bucks, probably.

Stuart Wellington

[24:46] Sure.

[24:47] Let's take a trip.

[24:48] That's an entire afternoon's worth of organizing your CDs after that.

[24:51] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[24:52] So they have a bunch of successful raids.

[24:54] But then they have a big- they're trying to blow up a big speech.

[24:57] And they mess up.

[24:58] They get caught.

[24:59] And-

Dan McCoy

[25:00] Because the younger brother breaks ranks-

[25:03] Yeah.

[25:04] To rescue his girlfriend.

[25:04] And captures her.

Elliott Kalan

[25:05] And rescues her.

[25:06] But by doing so, one of their number is killed.

[25:09] His name, I don't remember.

[25:10] I remember he's Latino.

[25:11] And that's about it.

[25:12] They don't give him much personality beyond that.

[25:14] He is the first of the casualties the Wolverines will face, ultimately.

[25:17] Up to-

[25:18] Three?

[25:20] Yeah.

[25:20] I think.

[25:21] Die.

[25:21] And one of them is left at the end.

[25:24] But we'll get to that.

[25:25] Anyway, that gets screwed up.

[25:27] And they go back to their hideout.

[25:31] Yeah.

[25:31] Their hideout gets attacked by the Koreans.

[25:34] They find a-

[25:36] They run into a bunch of former Marines-

[25:38] Oh, yeah.

[25:39] Who are on the run trying to catch up with this legendary group, the Wolverines.

[25:42] Including what's-his-face.

Dan McCoy

[25:44] Who is it?

Elliott Kalan

[25:44] Including the comedian from Watchmen.

[25:46] Yeah.

[25:46] Yep.

[25:47] McDreamy?

[25:48] McSteamy.

[25:48] No, he was not.

Dan McCoy

[25:49] No, he played Denny.

[25:50] Denny from Grey's Anatomy.

[25:52] Denny McSteamy.

[25:52] But what was his name?

[25:53] Which one was McSteamy, then?

[25:54] I don't-

[25:54] McSteamy was-

[25:55] Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

[25:56] Yeah, that's him.

[25:57] That was McSteamy.

[25:58] No, that was not McSteamy.

[25:59] So who was McSteamy?

[26:01] He was-

[26:02] I have a fucking-

[26:03] Like the guy who was-

[26:05] Chris O'Donnell?

[26:06] I think Chris O'Donnell was McSteamy.

[26:07] I think you're making that up.

[26:08] McDreamy was Patrick Dempsey.

[26:09] He was on the CSI.

Elliott Kalan

[26:10] I know who McCreamy is.

[26:12] All right.

[26:12] Okay?

[26:12] You don't get to a podcast without knowing who McCreamy is.

Dan McCoy

[26:15] Guys, guys.

[26:16] Who is McCreamy?

[26:18] That's an ice cream cake from Carvel.

[26:21] Whoever he is, he sounds delicious.

[26:24] But he's going to go straight to my thighs.

Elliott Kalan

[26:29] I think we've got to talk about Dan.

[26:30] Yeah, we've got to talk about firing Dan.

[26:34] And I say that being about to make this joke.

[26:37] My favorite character is McScreamy.

[26:40] Ha ha ha ha ha ha!

[26:42] Grift Keeper loves Grey's Anatomy.

[26:44] Or as he calls it, Grey's Anatomy!

[26:47] Because it's still a scary thing.

[26:48] Like, it's a book about corpses and stuff.

Stuart Wellington

[26:50] Okay, so Jeffrey Dean Morgan showed up.

Dan McCoy

[26:53] Yeah.

[26:54] Who looks like-

[26:54] The comedian, though.

[26:55] Happy R. Bardem-

[26:56] Wait.

[26:57] Happy R. Bardem and Robert Downey Jr. had, like, a little-

[27:00] A baby.

[27:01] No, I say if Robert Downey Jr. and MC Ganey had a baby.

[27:03] That is much cooler.

[27:05] Yeah, so he's MC Dreamy or whatever.

Elliott Kalan

[27:06] MC Dreamy.

[27:07] No, Steamy.

[27:08] MC Steamy.

[27:08] MC Downey?

[27:09] MC Scat Steamy.

[27:11] Sure.

[27:12] We can all agree on that.

[27:13] And, uh, sings Opposites of Steam.

[27:15] Uh, so they meet up with these, uh-

[27:18] Whoa, what?

[27:19] Elliot's distracted by his phone for a second.

[27:21] Sorry, my wife texted me for a second, but just to tell me that, uh, a character from

[27:24] The Wire was on Veronica Mars.

[27:25] Ha ha ha!

[27:26] In the episode she's watching right now.

Dan McCoy

[27:27] No, that's worth-

[27:29] That's worth the break.

Elliott Kalan

[27:30] Wait, really?

[27:30] Pause that.

[27:31] Ha ha ha!

[27:32] Ha ha ha!

Elliott Kalan

[27:32] So they meet up with these Marines who then say, okay, we are here to help you Wolverines.

[27:38] We have a mission.

[27:40] They've been communicating- the North Koreans are communicating with these green radio cases.

Dan McCoy

[27:44] Yeah, yeah.

[27:45] We- we- like, the Marines show up and they're like, we have a MacGuffin for you.

[27:50] Ha ha!

Elliott Kalan

[27:50] It's- we have- there's 30 minutes left in the movie.

[27:52] This movie has been lacking focus.

[27:53] We finally have a thing for you to do after the nonstop nonsense of just- and let- look,

[27:58] we've gapped like an hour of action scenes, which sounds exciting, but is not.

[28:03] Mm-mm.

[28:03] It's so low stakes and not exciting, and the only thing I like about it-

Dan McCoy

[28:07] If everything is action, nothing is action.

Elliott Kalan

[28:09] Thank you.

[28:09] And in- action's outlawed only.

[28:11] Outlaws will have action.

Dan McCoy

[28:13] And if action Jackson, then Jackson is action?

Elliott Kalan

[28:16] And I action, therefore I am.

[28:18] Your math works.

[28:19] Yeah.

[28:19] That's the trans- that's the action-tip property.

Dan McCoy

[28:21] That's the action Jackson transitive property.

Elliott Kalan

[28:25] So they say we gotta go-

Dan McCoy

[28:26] And they've been super successful at this point.

Stuart Wellington

[28:28] They've been incredibly successful.

[28:29] They don't need a bunch of military-trained snipers following them around,

[28:32] killing any possible bad guy who might kill them.

[28:34] But, if anything, the snipers are worse for them.

[28:37] Oh, of course.

[28:37] They're terrible.

[28:38] They're to end- so they go on this-

[28:39] They're not kids.

Elliott Kalan

[28:41] Kids are all adults drool, man.

[28:42] Yeah.

[28:43] They should have called this movie Warfare No Adults in Love.

Dan McCoy

[28:46] Now that's an- now that's an equation I can get behind.

[28:50] That's not an equation.

[28:52] Sure.

[28:52] Kids equals rule.

[28:55] Slash adults equals drool.

Stuart Wellington

[28:57] We need to start our line of novelty folders that we sell to kids.

[29:01] We'll wait outside of schools and we'll sell that shit.

Elliott Kalan

[29:04] That will be creepy.

[29:05] You guys just waiting outside of schools saying to kids-

[29:07] No, Dan will wear a trench coat to keep all the folders in and we'll sell them all the

[29:11] trench coats.

[29:12] And you'll be videotaping the whole thing for your commercials.

Dan McCoy

[29:15] The folders will be strapped to my boxer shorts so I can keep my hands free for my presentation.

Elliott Kalan

[29:20] And you'll just drive over there in your windowless van.

[29:22] It sounds great.

[29:23] With kids stuff written on the outside.

Stuart Wellington

[29:27] At least one of the S's.

[29:28] Wait, there's only one S.

[29:29] But that one S is backwards.

[29:31] It's got to be backwards.

[29:32] And written like it's in crayon.

[29:33] What font is that, Dan?

[29:35] What font?

[29:36] It's called crayon font.

Dan McCoy

[29:39] It's called kids-er-us.

Elliott Kalan

[29:41] It's er-us.

[29:43] Like you forgot the name of the store halfway through.

Dan McCoy

[29:45] Like you are.

[29:46] No, er-us.

[29:47] How you pronounce it backwards, are.

[29:49] It's like a schwa.

[29:53] You know.

[29:54] Schwa.

[29:55] Upside at ease.

[29:55] Anyway, so they go on this mission to get this radio box.

Elliott Kalan

[29:59] Everything gets screwed up.

[30:00] More people die.

[30:02] And one of their friends gets, it seems stabbed, but really they put a tracer under him.

[30:07] So when they go back to their hideout after a successful mission in which they kill everybody, basically.

[30:12] Crack some brews, slap some-

[30:14] They're cracking brews and slapping booze.

[30:17] Maybe, I guess.

[30:18] That'd be weird.

[30:19] They are attacked again.

Stuart Wellington

[30:21] That's the one moment where the two brothers who have been feuding this whole time-

[30:24] They've been at each other's throats all the time.

[30:26] They've been a-feuding and a-fussing.

[30:28] They stop all that.

[30:30] And they become, I guess, friends or-

[30:32] They-

Elliott Kalan

[30:32] He says, I may not like you, but damn it, I respect you.

[30:36] Yeah.

[30:36] Actually, he doesn't say that.

[30:37] But he should.

Stuart Wellington

[30:38] There's a slow clap and he walks out of the room and then, spoiler alert, close your ears real quick.

[30:42] Don't you forget about me, please.

Elliott Kalan

[30:47] And then he gets shot and killed.

[30:49] Chris Hemsworth gets shot in the head right after he reconciles with his brother.

[30:52] Uh-oh.

[30:52] But he dies with a smile on his face.

[30:54] And they've been attacked by Russian agents who have been working with the North Koreans.

[30:58] This is a plot complication that is unnecessary and makes no sense.

[31:03] Yeah.

[31:04] But they're fighting again.

[31:05] The Wolverines narrowly escape with some of the Marine guys.

[31:09] And then they-

[31:12] Something.

[31:13] What happened?

[31:14] Just keep doing Wolverine stuff.

[31:15] Like, that's it.

[31:16] Just keep doing what they're doing, man.

[31:17] The younger brother gives a speech to a bunch of possible Wolverines.

[31:22] The same speech that his brother gave to them earlier.

[31:25] And it ends with an-

[31:25] Yeah, it's the Rico's Roughnecks.

[31:26] And it ends with an assault on the re-education internment facility with the implication that

[31:32] everything's going to be okay now.

Dan McCoy

[31:35] Yeah.

[31:36] Eventually.

Elliott Kalan

[31:36] Like the war has just started.

[31:38] But I think they're going to win.

Dan McCoy

[31:40] Yeah, we're going to stamp out this North Korean menace.

Elliott Kalan

[31:43] And now, one thing that Dan didn't like about this movie is people are constantly jumping

[31:45] from high heights and not hurting their legs or knees.

Stuart Wellington

[31:49] And there's a lot of guys who shoot other guys in the knees.

[31:51] I mean, come on.

Dan McCoy

[31:52] They're jumping way far across giant buildings, like with huge gaps.

[31:57] And, oh, their knees are-

[31:59] We call those moguls.

[32:00] We're supposed to believe their knees are magically going to be okay?

[32:04] What kind of-

[32:04] What-

Elliott Kalan

[32:06] I mean, what kind of legs-

[32:08] How am I supposed to buy this movie about a North Korean invasion of Spokane, Washington

[32:12] fought off by a bunch of rowdy kids?

[32:14] With magic knees?

[32:17] Everything up until then, I buy.

[32:19] It should be called the Magic Knees Squad.

[32:20] It should be called Red Knees.

[32:22] Because their knees are going to be sore after all that jumping.

Dan McCoy

[32:24] Let me tell you.

[32:25] Their knees are going to be sore and swollen.

Stuart Wellington

[32:27] That was why in the training montage, they're doing all that jumping off of-

[32:30] Jumping off a hill.

[32:31] Dangerous.

[32:31] Jumping off a rock.

[32:32] They do have a lot of jumping.

[32:33] Do not do that at all.

Elliott Kalan

[32:35] But this movie is so-

[32:37] Dumb?

[32:38] So dumb and so dull.

[32:40] And it is non-stop action in such a dull way.

[32:43] And there's so many explosions.

[32:45] And there's so many gunshots.

[32:46] And yet it is so boring somehow.

[32:48] And it's-

[32:48] You know, I want it-

[32:50] And it's such-

[32:50] It would be cliche of me to say, like,

[32:52] it's because we don't care about the characters.

[32:54] And there's no emotional stakes.

[32:55] But we don't care about the characters.

[32:56] But we don't.

[32:57] Like, it comes-

[32:57] A lot of it comes down to that.

Dan McCoy

[32:59] They cut out-

[33:00] Everything that they cut out was character development.

[33:03] They cut out, as we were talking during the movie,

[33:05] any sense of what it's like to live in occupied Spokane.

[33:10] Like, we don't see-

Elliott Kalan

[33:11] Even what's happening in the rest of-

[33:12] Like-

[33:12] Yeah.

[33:12] What's happening in there?

[33:13] You never find out, was the American army ever there?

[33:17] Like, it's kind of implied in the beginning

[33:18] that the American army is overstretched overseas.

[33:21] But you never see-

[33:24] You know, nothing happens.

[33:25] It's just-

[33:25] The paratroopers fall out of the sky.

[33:27] And then the next minute,

[33:28] the North Koreans have control of Spokane

[33:30] and tanks and everywhere.

[33:32] And there's nobody left to fight except these kids.

[33:35] And there's one moment where the Marines say to them,

[33:38] Oh, well, there's still enough true Americans around

[33:40] who are able to fight over there in the southwest

[33:43] and along the Mexico-Texas border

[33:45] and Michigan and Montana.

[33:46] And so-

[33:47] Yeah, militia-ville.

[33:49] But basically, all the militia states.

[33:51] But it's like, so what happened to the police?

[33:55] Like, in Spokane, there seems to be one policeman.

[33:57] And it's their dad and he gets shot in the head.

[33:59] Like, there's no sense of any-

[34:01] It's almost like the movie Henry, Portrait of a Serial Killer,

[34:04] where there's no policeman, basically, in the whole movie.

[34:06] So Henry is just free to kill at whim.

[34:08] Except here, it's North Korea that's free to kill.

Dan McCoy

[34:10] I mean, I would not have minded

[34:11] if there was a limited point of view.

[34:14] I wouldn't have minded if Michael Rooker

Elliott Kalan

[34:15] played the entire country of North Korea.

Dan McCoy

[34:17] I wouldn't mind if Michael Rooker played every character.

Elliott Kalan

[34:19] If America was invaded by an army of Michael Rookers,

[34:22] I would think it was great.

Dan McCoy

[34:23] Yeah, but like, I don't mind a limited point of view.

[34:25] Like, if, you know, we see what only the characters in this town know,

[34:30] that's fine.

[34:31] But that's still, like, the movie still cuts out, like,

[34:33] the viewpoint of anyone who's not in the Wolverines,

[34:36] like, fighting for their, like, insurgent force.

[34:38] And we have no, like, sense of what, like, the Koreans are up to.

Elliott Kalan

[34:42] Yeah, we don't know why they're doing it.

[34:44] We don't know what they're doing.

[34:45] We don't know what it's like to live there.

[34:46] But even, like, what's among the most successful movies

[34:49] with limited points of view, I would say,

[34:51] is maybe the most successful movie is Night of the Living Dead.

[34:53] Yeah.

[34:54] You have those characters in that house.

[34:56] They see stuff on TV,

[34:57] but otherwise it's just what's happening around them.

[34:59] And you get such a great sense of their place in the world

[35:04] and what they're going through,

[35:05] and it's so tense and dramatic

[35:07] without, you know, a shot to a scene.

[35:09] It never cuts to the president being like,

[35:11] what's with all these zombies?

[35:12] We can't handle it, you know.

[35:14] To give a more...

[35:14] But they can't do that here.

Stuart Wellington

[35:15] To give a more recent example,

[35:17] I would say Children of Men is an example.

Dan McCoy

[35:18] Yeah, Children of Men does a great job of it, too.

[35:20] To make it claustrophobic

Stuart Wellington

[35:21] and actually play up the insanity of actual violence

[35:24] as opposed to dudes just fucking Yosemite Sam

[35:27] all over the place.

Elliott Kalan

[35:28] And also giving you a sense that

[35:30] these characters are lost in a world

[35:32] where they don't know everything

[35:33] that's going on around them.

[35:34] Trapped in a world they never made.

[35:35] Trapped in a world they never made.

[35:37] But you get the sense that there is something

[35:39] going on in the world around them,

[35:40] even if you don't know what it is.

Stuart Wellington

[35:41] They made a pretty sick fort

[35:42] in that abandoned mine shaft.

[35:44] That's true.

[35:44] They didn't, though.

[35:45] They cleared out all the My Bloody Valentines.

[35:47] Yeah.

[35:48] Got rid of them.

Elliott Kalan

[35:49] Anytime.

[35:50] Please, if you're going to go

[35:50] into an abandoned mine shaft,

[35:51] please check for My Bloody Valentines first.

[35:55] Get them out of there.

[35:57] You know, we've said this before

[35:58] that it feels like they took the outline

[36:00] for a movie and then shot it

[36:01] as if it was a script.

[36:03] But that's what this kind of feels like

[36:04] is it feels like one of those

[36:05] Robert Rodriguez scripts you hear about

[36:06] where he just puts in the action sequences

[36:08] and like vague descriptions of scenes

[36:11] and it's like a 45, 50 page script

[36:13] for a whole movie.

[36:14] But he knows how to flesh it out

[36:16] to some extent.

[36:16] That's not a lot, right.

[36:17] No, it's not a lot at all.

[36:18] But here, they just didn't,

[36:19] there's not a lot of movie here.

[36:21] There's a lot of stunt scenes.

[36:22] Yeah.

[36:22] But not a lot of movie.

Dan McCoy

[36:23] So let's flash forward to Final Judgments

[36:26] very quickly.

[36:27] To a world run by robots and North Koreans.

Elliott Kalan

[36:29] Oh, no.

[36:30] Very quickly.

[36:31] Wolverines lost.

[36:32] Wolverines forever.

Dan McCoy

[36:34] Is this a good bad movie,

[36:35] a bad, bad movie,

[36:36] a movie you kind of like?

[36:37] Stuart, what do you say?

Stuart Wellington

[36:37] This is a bad, bad movie.

[36:39] Dan.

Dan McCoy

[36:40] Yeah, this is a bad, bad movie

[36:43] despite having actors I like in it

[36:45] like Chris Hemsworth,

[36:47] Jeffrey Dean Morgan,

[36:48] and that guy looks like Chris Cooper.

[36:49] It was boring.

Elliott Kalan

[36:50] It was boring.

[36:51] When the most exciting moment for me

[36:52] in the whole movie

[36:53] was during the end credits

[36:54] when someone in the credits

[36:55] was named Julie K. Smith

[36:56] and I thought,

[36:57] wait a minute,

[36:58] is that the actress

[36:59] in all those Jim Winarski movies?

[37:00] I better look this up.

[37:01] Is that the frequently topless

[37:03] Julie K. Smith?

[37:04] When that was the most exciting

[37:06] part of the movie,

[37:07] it's a boring movie.

[37:08] So I'll say bad, bad, I'll say.

[37:09] Is she moonlighting?

Stuart Wellington

[37:10] She was, yeah,

[37:10] while she was doing,

[37:11] what was that, sound design?

[37:13] I think it was assistant set direction

[37:15] or something like that.

[37:15] Yeah, while she was set directing,

[37:16] she might have been topless.

[37:18] Oh, had to have been.

Elliott Kalan

[37:19] Topless and possibly bottomless.

[37:20] We don't know.

[37:22] You know, she may have set to set

[37:23] decorated from a bubble bath

[37:24] the whole time.

Dan McCoy

[37:25] Who knows?

Elliott Kalan

[37:26] Two other women in it.

[37:28] But I will say this.

[37:29] Even if you are a big militianut

[37:31] looking for some militia porn

[37:33] and some right-wing gun

[37:34] survivalist fantasy porn,

[37:36] just go to the original, man.

[37:37] Just get the original Red Dawn.

[37:38] Get something that has the

[37:39] crazy craft stamp of John Milius

[37:42] and not this kind of, like,

[37:44] gun for hire stuff.

Dan McCoy

[37:46] Stuart, it looks like you've got

[37:47] a little something to say.

[37:49] Hey, guys.

Stuart Wellington

[37:50] I just want to touch on for a second.

[37:52] I just want to mention our friends

[37:54] over at TiVo.

[37:57] We here at the Flophouse

[37:59] make a lot of use out of DVR technology

[38:01] and using the internet for movies.

[38:04] I don't know about you.

[38:05] I've multiple times tried to record

[38:07] stuff at home and had difficulty

[38:09] because I'm already recording something

[38:11] or already watching something.

[38:12] Well, the great thing about TiVo

[38:13] is you can watch a lot of...

[38:15] It has four tuners,

[38:17] so you can record multiple things

[38:18] while watching on your iPad,

[38:21] your iPhone.

[38:22] You could be, I don't know,

[38:24] at work watching stuff

[38:25] while you're in the bathroom.

[38:26] Who knows?

[38:27] Let's say it's Sunday,

[38:28] the night when every television show

[38:29] is on, apparently.

Dan McCoy

[38:31] You've got TimeWire cable.

[38:32] At best, you can record two things.

[38:34] Two.

Elliott Kalan

[38:34] If you like, like me,

[38:36] Anthony Bourdain, Parts Unknown,

[38:38] Game of Thrones, Mad Men,

[38:39] Bob's Burgers, etc.,

[38:40] you've got to pick and choose

[38:41] because they're going to overlap

[38:43] and cancel each other out.

[38:44] You can't do it.

Dan McCoy

[38:45] But not with your T-I-V-O.

[38:46] But with TiVo, you can do it.

[38:48] Unlike Time Warner.

Elliott Kalan

[38:49] Yeah.

[38:49] Yeah, and if you like movies,

[38:51] you don't have to worry about,

[38:52] say, Time Warner TiVo,

[38:53] or DVR, rather.

[38:54] Time Warner DVR.

[38:55] Sorry, only TiVo is TiVo.

[38:57] Where you record, like,

[38:57] two movies and your box is full.

Stuart Wellington

[38:59] Yeah, because TiVo's got way more space.

[39:01] Yes.

[39:02] With a normal DVR box,

[39:04] you can only record

[39:05] a couple of HD shows

[39:07] before it's all full.

[39:08] TiVo gives you access

[39:10] to things like Hulu, Netflix,

[39:12] things that other services don't provide.

[39:14] You don't have to buy an Xbox

[39:15] just to be able to watch

[39:16] Netflix nowadays on your TV.

Elliott Kalan

[39:18] Stuart, isn't there a special promotion

[39:20] that TiVo is running?

Stuart Wellington

[39:21] There is a special promotion

[39:22] that TiVo's doing right now.

[39:23] I'd love to hear about that.

[39:25] Visitors to TiVo.com

[39:26] can get $25 off

Dan McCoy

[39:28] a new TiVo Premiere unit,

[39:30] a P4,

[39:31] or an XLR DVR

[39:32] when they use

Stuart Wellington

[39:33] the special promo code.

[39:35] Wait, get a pen and paper.

[39:36] Write this down.

[39:36] Get that pen and paper.

[39:37] Hold on.

Elliott Kalan

[39:38] Get it?

[39:39] Do you have a pen and paper?

Stuart Wellington

[39:41] Write it down.

[39:41] Okay.

Elliott Kalan

[39:42] Now write it down.

[39:42] Well, he hasn't said it yet.

[39:43] You can't write it down.

Stuart Wellington

[39:43] The promo code is

[39:44] ATC.

[39:46] Now you write it down.

Elliott Kalan

[39:47] I need to write that down.

[39:48] It's so easy to remember

[39:49] because that's all things comedy.

[39:50] Oh, that's great.

[39:51] So the letters

[39:52] ATC, capitals, preferably.

[39:54] I don't know if it's case sensitive.

[39:55] Yeah, it doesn't matter.

Stuart Wellington

[39:57] And that's available

[39:58] until November 1st,

[39:59] so get out there.

Elliott Kalan

[40:00] And what website

[40:00] would that be at?

[40:01] That would be at

[40:01] TiVo.com.

[40:02] What website was that?

[40:04] TiVo.com.

[40:07] It's so easy to remember

[40:07] because it's the name

[40:08] of the company

[40:08] with .com at the end.

[40:10] Yeah.

Stuart Wellington

[40:10] And it gives you

[40:11] $25 off.

Dan McCoy

[40:13] It's not TiVo.edu.

[40:16] TiVo's educational website.

[40:18] Yeah.

[40:19] TiVo.com.

Elliott Kalan

[40:20] Or TiVo.xxx,

[40:22] which the less said

[40:23] the better.

[40:23] Yeah.

[40:24] TiVo.com.

[40:24] And also,

[40:25] All Things Comedy,

[40:26] that's a podcast network,

[40:27] is it not?

Stuart Wellington

[40:28] Yes.

[40:28] Our friends over

[40:29] at All Things Comedy

[40:29] for some reason endorse us

[40:31] because we're part of it.

Elliott Kalan

[40:34] Good thinking.

[40:35] So head over

Stuart Wellington

[40:36] to AllThingsComedy.com,

[40:38] download a couple of podcasts,

[40:40] maybe ours,

[40:41] but I think you might

[40:42] have already done that.

[40:42] And then go to

[40:43] TiVo.com.

[40:46] To get a TiVo.

[40:47] Yeah.

[40:48] Or at least a discount

[40:49] on that TiVo.

Dan McCoy

[40:50] So guys.

[40:51] With the promo code ATC.

[40:53] This is the point

[40:53] of the podcast

[40:54] where

[40:56] Things got sexy

[40:56] all of a sudden.

[40:58] Where do we answer letters?

[40:59] Letters from listeners.

[41:00] What kind of letters?

[41:02] Oh, God.

Elliott Kalan

[41:07] Maybe they've got a question.

[41:08] Maybe they need advice.

[41:10] Maybe it's trouble

[41:11] or maybe it's mice.

[41:13] Whatever you need,

[41:14] just drop us a line.

[41:16] You don't worry.

[41:17] We've got the time

[41:18] for your letters.

[41:21] They're letters

[41:22] from you.

[41:24] Oh.

Dan McCoy

[41:25] So this letter,

[41:26] it's from Steve,

[41:30] a.k.a.

[41:31] James,

[41:31] last name withheld.

[41:32] That'll make sense.

[41:33] Oh, Steve.

[41:33] Yeah, I remember that.

[41:34] That'll make sense

[41:35] in a second.

[41:36] He says,

[41:37] it's been nearly

[41:38] two years

[41:39] since I last wrote in

[41:40] with a story

[41:40] about Stuart Wellington

[41:41] nearly remembering

[41:42] my name

[41:43] at the first

[41:43] 92Y Tribeca show.

Elliott Kalan

[41:45] That was hilarious.

[41:47] I believe that was

[41:47] the show

[41:48] when legendarily

[41:49] Dan's Pizza

[41:50] was forgotten.

Dan McCoy

[41:51] Sometimes,

[41:52] in my most

[41:53] private moments,

[41:54] I still sometimes

[41:56] think of myself

[41:56] as Steve.

[41:58] I must admit,

[41:59] I've been remiss

[42:00] in my Flophouse fandom

[42:02] as in the intervening

[42:03] two years

[42:04] I've left Brooklyn

[42:04] for the windy city

[42:05] of Chicago,

[42:06] now happily settled

[42:07] into a new job

[42:08] as a photographer

[42:09] at a woman's fashion company.

[42:10] Whoa,

[42:11] it's like a sitcom.

[42:12] Sounds terrible.

[42:12] I decided to load up

[42:15] the recent Alex Cross episode

[42:16] to see if the magic

[42:17] had continued

[42:18] in my absence.

[42:19] Surrounded by fashionable

[42:20] female stylists

[42:21] working diligently

[42:22] at their desk,

[42:24] I prepared myself

[42:25] to enjoy Dan's

[42:26] pleasing baritone,

[42:27] Elliot's barrage of facts,

[42:29] and Stuart's

[42:30] repeated interjections

[42:31] about ding-dongs

[42:32] through the privacy

[42:33] of my headphones.

[42:34] I believe it was

[42:35] when Dan clarified

[42:36] that Crang's penis

[42:37] was actually ejaculating

[42:39] on the girl's feet

[42:40] versus his robot penis

[42:41] simply urinating.

[42:44] Why remember that?

[42:45] That I had to beat

[42:46] a hasty retreat

[42:47] to the bathroom

[42:48] so as to laugh

[42:49] desperately

[42:52] into a paper towel.

[42:55] Under no circumstances

[42:56] could I allow

[42:57] my coworkers

[42:58] to witness my laughing fit.

Elliott Kalan

[42:59] Because inevitably

[42:59] they'd ask,

[43:00] what are you laughing at?

[43:01] And you'd have to think

[43:02] fast to make up some shit.

Dan McCoy

[43:04] Do you realize

[43:05] how impossible

[43:05] it would be

[43:06] to explain

[43:07] what I was laughing at?

[43:08] I don't think

[43:09] my corn-fed

[43:09] Midwestern female fashion

[43:11] used to coach

[43:11] coworkers

[43:12] would enjoy

[43:13] the idea

[43:14] of a double-donged

[43:15] dick monster

[43:15] from Dimension X

[43:16] violating some girl

[43:17] through two separate

[43:18] sexual fetishes

[43:19] simultaneously.

[43:21] Congratulations,

[43:22] gentlemen.

[43:23] You made me laugh

[43:24] so hard

[43:24] I nearly lost my job.

[43:26] In any case,

[43:27] I wish you

[43:27] all a heartfelt

[43:28] congratulations

[43:29] on the continued

[43:30] success of your podcast

[43:31] and I wanted to offer

[43:32] condolences to Dan

[43:33] on his accident.

[43:34] Knee injuries

[43:35] are a particularly nasty

[43:36] brand of awful

[43:37] and I'm glad to hear

[43:38] you're on the mend.

[43:38] Your vaguely

[43:39] remembered friend

[43:40] and fan

[43:40] Steve,

[43:41] a.k.a.

[43:41] James' last name

[43:42] withheld.

[43:43] Now, look.

[43:44] Well, Steve,

[43:44] those are some

[43:45] kind words for Dan.

Elliott Kalan

[43:46] Yeah, thank you

[43:46] very much for

[43:47] listening again

[43:47] and for...

[43:48] Listeners out there,

Stuart Wellington

[43:49] if you ever want

[43:49] to get your letter

[43:50] read, you know

[43:51] the formula.

Elliott Kalan

[43:51] You know, it's just

[43:52] like how you're

[43:53] going to be on TV

[43:53] if you put up

[43:54] a sign that says

[43:54] SportsCenter is on

[43:55] next to a sporting

[43:56] event.

Dan McCoy

[43:56] It was 90% the story,

[43:58] 10% my knee.

[43:59] But I also want to...

Elliott Kalan

[44:00] Your knee must be

[44:01] like 100 years old now.

[44:03] We've been hearing

[44:03] about it for a long time.

[44:04] I want to object...

[44:05] This happened what?

[44:06] Like when we started

[44:07] this thing?

Dan McCoy

[44:07] Oh, God.

[44:08] It's only been

[44:09] three and a half months

[44:09] since my surgery.

[44:11] It takes a year, guys.

[44:12] A year to recover.

[44:13] But I wanted to object

[44:14] to a certain thing

[44:15] in this...

[44:16] What was that?

[44:16] Which was that the idea

[44:18] that corn-fed Chicagoans,

[44:21] the third most populous

[44:23] city in the United States...

[44:25] In my opinion,

[44:25] one of the three

[44:26] world-class cities

[44:27] in the United States.

[44:27] For years,

[44:28] the second most populous

[44:29] would be somehow

[44:32] scandalized by the idea

[44:34] of this crane.

Elliott Kalan

[44:37] I do think...

[44:38] Are they anywhere

[44:39] outside of like,

Dan McCoy

[44:40] I don't know,

[44:40] Copenhagen?

[44:41] I'm from downstate

[44:42] Illinois.

[44:43] I'm from downstate

[44:45] corn-fed,

[44:46] real corn-fed Illinois.

[44:47] You were fed

[44:47] nothing but corn.

[44:48] I read this email

[44:49] on the podcast

[44:50] and I was unscarred.

[44:53] So let's...

[44:54] These are not

[44:55] flyover states, people.

[44:56] These people have

[44:57] their own...

[44:58] I think what Dan's

Elliott Kalan

[44:59] trying to say is

[44:59] these are lonely states.

[45:01] They get up to

[45:02] a lot of craziness

[45:03] because there's

[45:03] no one else around.

[45:04] Dan has had sex

[45:06] with corn,

[45:06] had sex with animals

[45:07] that eat corn.

[45:08] He's eaten corn

[45:09] while animals

[45:09] had sex with him.

Dan McCoy

[45:10] I've been ejaculated

[45:11] on by corn.

[45:11] I've been peed

[45:12] on by corn.

[45:13] Where do you think

Elliott Kalan

[45:13] this double-dicked

[45:14] crane came from?

[45:15] I'm going to look

[45:16] at my phone

[45:16] for a little while,

[45:17] guys.

[45:18] This is Stuart's

[45:19] time to leave.

[45:20] So this next email...

[45:22] There's more of these,

[45:22] huh?

[45:24] This next email

[45:25] is entitled

[45:25] Crangate.

Dan McCoy

[45:26] Dear Floppers,

[45:27] what a great podcast.

[45:28] I don't have anything

[45:29] disparaging to say

[45:30] about any of you,

[45:31] unlike the other

[45:32] letter writers

[45:33] whom I regard

[45:34] as pathetic ingrates.

[45:36] Wow.

[45:37] Harsh.

[45:37] I love watching

[45:38] bad movies

[45:39] with groups of friends,

[45:40] but since I live

[45:40] in Japan,

[45:41] American friends

[45:42] with the same interests

[45:42] are few and far between.

[45:44] Your podcast

[45:45] provides me

[45:46] with a much-needed

[45:48] surrogate

[45:49] to help stave off

[45:50] homesickness,

[45:51] and for this

[45:51] I thank you.

[45:52] My question is this.

[45:53] You all seem to have

[45:54] an excellent grasp

[45:55] of good screenwriting

[45:56] and storytelling elements

[45:58] in general.

[45:59] For a novice like me,

[46:01] what would you recommend

[46:02] reading as a primer

[46:03] on this sort of thing?

[46:04] I can intuitively understand

[46:06] why you would talk

[46:06] about set up and payoff

[46:08] and establishing characters,

[46:10] but it would be interesting

[46:11] to learn more

[46:12] in book form.

[46:13] Adam, last name withheld.

[46:14] Hmm.

[46:15] So, I would say that

[46:17] there are a lot of

[46:19] screenwriting books

[46:20] out there.

[46:21] Most of them

[46:22] are terrible.

Elliott Kalan

[46:23] And I don't know,

[46:24] I'm wondering if this

[46:25] is an academic interest

[46:26] or if because you want

[46:27] to write.

[46:27] Most of them,

[46:28] I feel like,

[46:28] are written in order to,

[46:30] for people who want

[46:31] to write a screenplay.

Dan McCoy

[46:32] Yeah.

[46:32] I mean,

[46:32] of the big ones,

[46:34] story by Robert McKee

[46:36] is better than,

[46:38] like,

[46:39] say,

[46:39] screenplay by Sid Field,

[46:41] but they're not great.

[46:41] But there's also,

[46:42] like,

Elliott Kalan

[46:42] the writer's journey

[46:43] is pretty good.

Dan McCoy

[46:45] I would say that my,

[46:46] I would say that my

[46:47] favorite book

[46:48] on the topic

[46:50] is actually

[46:51] The Art of Dramatic Writing

[46:52] by LaHus Egrie.

Elliott Kalan

[46:53] That's the other one

[46:53] I was going to mention.

[46:55] is a very good book.

Dan McCoy

[46:56] And that was actually

[46:58] focused on,

[46:59] you know,

[46:59] like,

[47:00] on stage writing,

[47:01] but it is applicable

[47:02] to pretty much

[47:03] any kind of writing.

Elliott Kalan

[47:04] I'd also recommend

[47:05] the website

[47:06] Cockeyed Caravan.

[47:07] Yeah.

[47:08] Our friend Matt Bird.

[47:09] Friend of the show,

[47:09] Matt Bird.

[47:10] Oh, yeah.

[47:10] Which is a very good

[47:12] screenwriting site,

[47:13] and he specializes,

[47:14] in a lot of ways,

[47:14] in structure.

[47:15] So if you're interested

[47:16] in learning more

[47:17] about story structure,

[47:18] that's one to check out.

[47:21] The website

[47:21] Cockeyed Caravan.

[47:23] is also good,

[47:24] and I think

[47:24] The Writer's Journey

[47:25] is also good.

Dan McCoy

[47:26] So I hope for once

[47:27] we actually

[47:28] paid it forward.

[47:31] You did it.

[47:32] We taught somebody something.

[47:33] But this next one...

Elliott Kalan

[47:35] We'll erase that.

Dan McCoy

[47:37] Yeah, sure.

[47:38] The educational content

[47:40] will not exceed

[47:41] .0001%

[47:43] of this podcast.

Elliott Kalan

[47:44] No, it's like

[47:44] insect parts

[47:45] and peanut butter.

Dan McCoy

[47:47] And now we'll move on

[47:48] to the next email,

[47:49] which says,

[47:49] Hey, Floppers,

[47:50] did somebody say

[47:51] Mr. Payback?

[47:53] I did a while ago.

[47:56] I had the ecstatic honor

[47:57] of attending

[47:58] the New York press screening

[47:59] of Mr. Payback.

[48:00] Whoa!

[48:01] As well as its predecessor,

[48:02] I'm Your Man.

[48:03] Oh, I didn't know about that.

[48:04] These films were presented

[48:05] in the Interfilm System,

[48:06] a process that

[48:07] ganged two Laserdisc players,

[48:09] note, not DVD,

[48:10] Laserdisc,

[48:11] to a control system

[48:12] that tracked

[48:13] audience clicks

[48:14] on the buttons

[48:15] of a control stick

[48:16] attached to the arm

[48:17] of each theater seat.

[48:18] You chose the story.

[48:19] The controller

[48:20] only looked like

[48:21] a joystick.

[48:21] Aside from three buttons

[48:23] lit and color-coded

[48:25] to options presented

[48:26] on the screen,

[48:26] it had no directional functions.

[48:29] There are actually

[48:30] a few unsettling...

[48:31] It was actually not

Elliott Kalan

[48:31] based on a joystick,

[48:32] but on the old

[48:33] popcorn trick.

Dan McCoy

[48:34] There are a few

[48:35] unsettling parallels

[48:36] between the Oogie Loves

[48:37] and Mr. Payback.

[48:39] Yes, Chris Lloyd

[48:40] appears in both.

[48:41] Similar...

Elliott Kalan

[48:41] Chris Lloyd.

[48:43] Not Christopher Lloyd,

[48:44] as we know.

[48:44] That's younger,

[48:45] cooler, brother.

Dan McCoy

[48:46] Similar to Oogie Loves,

[48:47] Payback encouraged

[48:48] you to scream,

[48:49] shout,

[48:49] and otherwise carry on

[48:50] in order to convince

[48:51] other audience members

[48:52] to select the choice

[48:53] you favored at that point

[48:54] in the storyline.

[48:56] There is no explanation

[48:57] of what you should do

[48:58] if you didn't want

[48:59] any of the options.

[49:00] And like Oogie Loves,

[49:01] Mr. Payback made you wish

[49:02] you could travel back in time

[49:04] to shoot Thomas Edison

[49:05] before he invented

[49:06] the motion picture

[49:07] just to be sure

[49:08] such atrocities

[49:09] could never be inflicted

[49:10] on innocent audiences.

[49:11] Shoot him with

[49:12] a Tesla cannon.

[49:13] It was clear that

[49:14] after the not successful

[49:16] I'm Your Man,

[49:17] a romantic comedy

[49:18] crime thing

[49:20] starring Kevin Seal,

[49:21] directed by

[49:22] interfilm inventor

[49:23] Bob Bajon

[49:24] with music by Joe Jackson,

[49:25] the people behind

[49:26] the interfilm system

[49:27] had worked to fix

[49:28] its flaws

[49:28] with Mr. Payback.

[49:30] This included

[49:30] removing a

[49:31] one-man,

[49:32] one-vote interlock.

[49:33] You could now

[49:33] click the button

[49:34] as many times

[49:35] as your itchy finger

[49:36] could handle.

[49:37] And more importantly,

[49:38] instead of a lame,

[49:39] light comedy adventure

[49:40] told through

[49:41] a branching story system,

[49:42] Mr. Payback told

[49:43] the episodic tale

[49:44] of a cyborg detective

[49:45] who was part

[49:46] Inspector Gadget,

[49:47] part Marquis de Sade,

[49:49] and the system

[49:50] allowed you to choose

[49:51] which punishments

[49:52] he would inflict

[49:52] on his victims.

[49:54] I've blocked

[49:54] most of the details

[49:55] from memory,

[49:56] but do remember

[49:56] that options

[49:57] at various points

[49:57] included

[49:58] cattle prod,

[49:59] eat monkey brains,

[50:01] and for me,

[50:02] the most memorable,

[50:03] make it legal,

[50:04] which meant

[50:05] that a non-disabled

[50:06] person who parked

[50:07] his car in a

[50:07] handicapped space

[50:08] got kneecapped.

[50:09] Now, come on.

[50:10] Again,

[50:11] knee injury.

[50:12] I will also mention

Elliott Kalan

[50:12] that a lot of these

[50:13] different options

[50:14] are available on YouTube.

[50:16] There are,

[50:16] I don't know if they're

[50:17] full everything

[50:18] that was in the movie,

[50:19] but I have watched

[50:20] compilations on YouTube

[50:21] of Mr. Payback scenes,

[50:23] and they are terrible.

Dan McCoy

[50:26] Especially fun when you have

[50:28] an auditorium full of people

[50:29] screaming cattle prod

[50:30] or monkey brains

[50:31] at the top of their lungs

[50:32] over and over.

[50:33] Because mob mentality

[50:34] is always delightful,

[50:35] isn't it?

[50:37] There's also this quote

[50:38] from Roger Ebert.

[50:39] There were lots of

[50:39] small children in the audience.

[50:41] I thought about asking

[50:41] one little girl

[50:42] if she had voted

[50:43] for the paddle,

[50:44] the rod,

[50:45] or the cattle prod.

[50:46] Mr. Payback was directed

[50:47] by Bob Gale,

[50:48] who previously wrote

[50:49] 1941 and Back to the Future.

[50:51] It was repulsive,

[50:52] tacky, sadistic,

[50:53] annoying, cheap,

[50:54] insulting, blurry,

[50:55] distasteful,

[50:55] lunk-headed,

[50:56] unfunny, cynical,

[50:57] and crass.

[50:58] But I don't know,

[50:59] maybe you guys would like it.

[51:00] That's from Dan,

[51:01] last name with Hell.

Elliott Kalan

[51:02] The blurry may have been

[51:03] the projectionist problem.

[51:04] Wow, the press screening.

Dan McCoy

[51:06] Yeah, he was there

[51:07] at the birth of a new era.

[51:09] The birth and death.

Elliott Kalan

[51:11] Remember how that

[51:11] changed movies forever?

[51:13] Forever.

[51:13] It was like the jazz singer.

[51:15] Everyone had to retool

[51:16] for their

[51:17] choose-your-own-adventure movies.

Dan McCoy

[51:19] It was like

[51:20] William Castles the Tingler.

[51:25] Man.

[51:26] That is a

[51:26] That is an exciting

[51:27] magical

[51:28] postcard from the edge.

[51:30] Magical

[51:30] recount

[51:31] of a magical night.

[51:33] So this email

[51:36] is titled

[51:36] Tom Noonan.

Elliott Kalan

[51:38] Okay,

[51:38] I'm in it.

[51:39] I like it already.

[51:40] Hey,

[51:40] Tom,

[51:41] last name with L.

Dan McCoy

[51:42] Tom Noonan.

[51:43] It starts,

[51:44] Hey dudes.

[51:45] Sounds like Tom Noonan.

[51:47] Just had a bit of a bone

[51:48] to pick with Elliot here.

[51:50] I, for one, sir,

[51:51] have zero problems

[51:52] with your nasally voice.

[51:53] Oh, thank you.

[51:53] What I do have a problem with

[51:55] is you're using Tom Noonan

[51:56] as an example of a man

[51:57] who could not get

[51:58] Kate Beckinsale.

[51:59] I'll have you know

[52:00] that I, for one,

[52:02] a solid 5.5 or 6

[52:04] on a scale of cuteness,

[52:05] have a major crush

[52:06] on Tom Noonan.

[52:08] I would be damn lucky

[52:10] to have Tom Noonan.

[52:12] Sincerely,

[52:13] Sarah,

[52:13] last name withheld.

[52:14] P.S.

[52:15] My favorite flopper is Dan,

[52:17] so that plus loving Tom Noonan

[52:18] on a physical level

[52:19] might make Elliot and Stuart

[52:21] question my taste in fellas.

[52:24] You are correct to do so.

Elliott Kalan

[52:26] Well, I mean,

[52:26] Tom Noonan was super buff

[52:28] in Manhunter,

[52:29] so, you know,

[52:29] that's something.

[52:30] Yeah, man.

[52:30] He's tall.

[52:31] He's like a monster serial killer, too.

[52:32] He was a monster.

[52:33] You can see why

[52:34] it gets him dripping.

[52:34] He had that big

[52:35] William Blake tattoo

[52:36] that they covered up

[52:37] for the actual movie.

Dan McCoy

[52:38] You like him lanky?

[52:41] Tom Noonan's your man.

Elliott Kalan

[52:42] Everyone's got their type,

[52:44] and you know what?

[52:45] Everybody has someone

[52:46] who loves them,

[52:46] and I think that's great,

[52:47] but Tom Noonan

[52:48] has no chance

[52:49] to get back in sale,

[52:49] but he would have been

[52:50] great in Total Recall.

[52:52] I would have loved it.

[52:54] So,

[52:54] women like Dan

[52:56] and Tom Noonan, huh?

Dan McCoy

[52:57] Yeah, I'm a real

[52:58] Tom Noonan type.

[52:59] Yeah.

[53:01] Casting agents are like,

[53:02] give me a Tom Noonan type.

Stuart Wellington

[53:04] You have the

[53:04] Frankenstein-style stance

[53:06] of a Tom Noonan.

Elliott Kalan

[53:07] You could have also played

[53:09] Philip Seymour Hoffman

[53:10] super stretched out

[53:11] with two walking stick canes,

[53:13] as he did in

[53:14] Zedictici, New York.

Dan McCoy

[53:16] I carry the

[53:17] creepy serial killer

[53:19] gravitas of a Tom Noonan.

Elliott Kalan

[53:21] You also could be a guy

[53:23] who says he's working

[53:24] on a novel after work,

[53:25] but is in fact

[53:25] a loser and a failure.

[53:28] You know,

[53:28] in that movie,

[53:29] What Happened Was?

[53:30] That he wrote?

[53:31] Yeah, sure.

[53:31] What?

[53:32] Never mind.

[53:32] Thank you, Sarah.

[53:33] It's a really good movie.

Dan McCoy

[53:35] So,

[53:36] this last letter

[53:37] of the evening

[53:37] is titled

[53:38] An Idea

[53:39] Whose Time Has Come.

[53:42] Greetings,

[53:42] Floppers.

[53:43] Hyperpants.

[53:44] I don't know

[53:44] what they do yet.

[53:46] Greetings, Floppers.

[53:46] Listening to the classic

[53:47] head of the family

[53:48] be disparaged

[53:49] by a listener

[53:50] who I assume

[53:51] thought he had tuned

[53:51] into a Prairie

[53:52] and Companion,

[53:53] I feel the need

[53:54] to not simply

[53:56] defend the movie.

[53:56] They do talk about

[53:56] Ding Dongs a lot

[53:57] in the Prairie and Companion.

[53:59] I feel the need

[53:59] to not simply

[54:00] defend the movie,

[54:00] but pitch a remake

[54:01] in that most

[54:02] cutting edge of formulas.

[54:04] This is Jacqueline,

[54:05] last name,

[54:05] without...

[54:06] The radio play.

[54:07] Lavelle.

[54:08] Stay with me.

Elliott Kalan

[54:10] Jacqueline Lavelle.

Dan McCoy

[54:12] Come on, guys.

[54:13] He's pitching ahead

[54:13] of the family radio play.

Elliott Kalan

[54:14] Yeah, radio play.

[54:15] I love it.

Dan McCoy

[54:16] Stay with me.

[54:17] I see Elliot

[54:17] as the convinced

[54:18] of his own genius,

[54:19] Myron.

[54:20] Done.

[54:21] Dan as the

[54:21] pervizoid wheeler.

[54:23] Stuart as the

[54:23] deep-voiced

[54:24] and horny Otis.

[54:25] And the flophouse housecat

[54:27] as the wordless

[54:27] but essential Ernestina.

[54:29] Elliot's lady love,

[54:30] Anne Hathaway,

[54:31] would of course

[54:32] play Loretta.

[54:33] Don't know

[54:33] if we can get her.

[54:33] And John Hodgman

[54:35] would fill the roles

[54:35] of Elliot's nemesis,

[54:37] Lance.

[54:37] I think I can say

[54:38] without hyperbole,

[54:39] this would be

[54:40] single-handedly

[54:41] save radio,

[54:42] make Ms. Hathaway

[54:43] a star,

[54:44] and earn more cash

[54:44] than Delgo.

[54:46] You can have it

[54:46] for $750,000.

[54:48] Whoa,

Elliott Kalan

[54:48] that is $50,000 too high.

Dan McCoy

[54:50] Or you can just

[54:51] let me play Howard.

[54:52] That's from

[54:52] Izzy,

[54:53] last name with health.

Elliott Kalan

[54:54] Thanks, Izzy.

[54:54] What I like is now,

[54:55] this podcast

[54:56] has the same section

[54:57] that Wizard Magazine

[54:58] used to have

[54:59] when they would

[54:59] cast superhero movies

[55:01] and Howie Long

[55:02] would always

[55:02] for some reason

[55:03] be cast in them.

Stuart Wellington

[55:06] Howie Long

[55:06] is a great actor.

[55:08] First off,

Dan McCoy

[55:08] he's got the chops.

[55:09] I mean,

[55:10] we've all seen

[55:10] the commercials, guys.

Elliott Kalan

[55:12] Their consistent ones

[55:13] were always

[55:14] Howie Long

[55:14] as Venom

[55:15] and Glenn Danzig

[55:16] as Wolverine.

[55:17] and RoboCop.

[55:19] Peter Weller.

Stuart Wellington

[55:20] Peter Weller

[55:20] would be Vision

[55:21] from the Avengers.

[55:23] Miss their chance

[55:24] there,

[55:24] Joss Whedon.

Elliott Kalan

[55:27] So,

[55:28] yeah,

[55:28] I think we could do that.

[55:30] We might have trouble

[55:31] making Anne Hathaway

[55:32] more of a star

[55:32] than she is

[55:33] since she's won an Oscar

[55:34] and she's a big star.

[55:36] But if anything can do it,

[55:36] it's the head of the family

[55:37] radio.

[55:38] Yeah,

[55:38] guys,

Dan McCoy

[55:38] get on it.

[55:39] Let's kickstart this thing.

Elliott Kalan

[55:40] It reminds me of a project

[55:41] I was talking about

[55:41] with someone at work today

[55:42] which was

[55:43] the film reboot

[55:45] of Coach

[55:46] starring Craig T. Nelson.

[55:48] Wait,

[55:48] what are you starring?

[55:49] So the reboot stars?

[55:50] No,

[55:50] Craig T. Nelson

[55:51] plays Coach's father

[55:52] in the reboot.

[55:53] Oh,

[55:53] of course.

[55:53] And you get like a young guy

[55:54] like Chris Pine

[55:56] or somebody

[55:56] playing Coach.

[55:58] And that opens you up

[55:59] for the Major Dad reboot.

Dan McCoy

[56:00] Yeah.

[56:01] Yeah,

[56:01] and then you get into money.

[56:04] That's when

Elliott Kalan

[56:04] Coach is a lost leader

[56:06] for Major Dad.

[56:07] Yeah,

[56:07] Coach is just to get him

[56:10] in the door.

[56:11] Then you hit him

[56:11] with the Major Dad.

Stuart Wellington

[56:12] So Coach and Major Dad

[56:14] all belong to the same universe,

[56:15] right?

[56:15] Oh,

[56:15] yeah,

[56:16] of course,

[56:16] the Coachiverse.

[56:20] Because you've got to

[56:20] introduce the Coach characters

[56:22] in order for Major Dad

[56:23] to make sense.

[56:23] Does it make sense?

[56:24] If you don't have

[56:24] the backstory,

[56:26] we do four different movies

Elliott Kalan

[56:27] each introducing

[56:28] a different character

[56:28] from Coach.

[56:29] Then they're all

[56:30] in the Major Dad movie.

[56:32] And the Major Dad movie,

[56:33] usually it ends

[56:34] with Major Dad coming in.

[56:35] It's a prequel

[56:36] to the Major Dad

[56:37] sequel,

Stuart Wellington

[56:38] which is the real

[56:38] Major Dad film.

[56:40] So is he going to have

[56:41] the same guy

[56:41] as Major Dad?

[56:42] Wasn't he on

[56:43] Justified a little while ago?

Dan McCoy

[56:44] I've seen the first movie

[56:45] he's just dad.

Stuart Wellington

[56:46] Yeah.

[56:46] And then he becomes

[56:47] Major Dad.

[56:47] And then he becomes

Stuart Wellington

[56:47] Major and you're like,

[56:48] oh.

[56:49] Yeah,

[56:50] now he's hit it.

Elliott Kalan

[56:50] It's the origin story

[56:51] of Major Dad.

Stuart Wellington

[56:53] Yeah.

[56:54] So he joins the military

[56:55] or he just...

[56:57] He gets promoted to Major.

[56:58] No,

[56:58] he's just more Major.

Elliott Kalan

[57:00] He's just Majorly a Dad.

[57:01] He's just

[57:01] he's just

Stuart Wellington

[57:01] he's just majorly a Dad.

[57:02] He's just minor.

[57:02] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:03] He becomes a bigger guy.

[57:06] Honey, I blew up the dead.

Stuart Wellington

[57:08] That's the original title,

[57:09] Honey, I blew up the dead.

[57:10] And then...

[57:12] He begins like a Gelfling

[57:13] or something.

[57:14] Yeah.

Elliott Kalan

[57:15] And by the end

[57:16] he's a Skeksy.

[57:19] That's the life cycle?

[57:21] Yeah.

[57:22] Oh, man, that's terrible.

[57:23] It's the secret

[57:23] of the Dark Crystal.

[57:24] Look, I would have said

[57:25] those guys who raised

[57:26] the Gelflings

[57:26] but I don't remember

[57:27] their names.

Dan McCoy

[57:28] Wrinkle faces.

Elliott Kalan

[57:30] Yeah,

[57:30] forearm wrinkle faces.

[57:31] Yeah, I must have missed that.

Dan McCoy

[57:33] So this last segment

[57:34] of the podcast

[57:35] is where we quickly

[57:36] recommend a movie

[57:38] that we saw

[57:39] probably recently,

[57:40] maybe not,

[57:41] that we liked

[57:41] unlike Red Dawn.

[57:43] Elliot, what do you have

[57:44] in store for us?

Elliott Kalan

[57:45] I'm going to recommend

[57:46] a much better movie

[57:47] about an invasion

[57:49] of a domestic home front.

[57:51] I think I may have

[57:52] recommended it before

[57:52] but I don't remember

[57:53] but I'm going to

[57:54] recommend it again

[57:54] which is the movie

[57:56] Went the Day Well

[57:56] which is a British film

[57:58] from 1942

[57:58] in which a group

[58:01] of suspicious acting

[58:03] English soldiers

[58:03] have been billeted

[58:04] in a small coastal town.

[58:06] It soon turns out

[58:07] they're not what they seem

[58:08] and the villagers

[58:09] have to take up arms

[58:10] to defend England.

[58:11] And it's a really

[58:12] fantastic suspense film.

[58:14] It especially is

[58:15] interesting historically

[58:17] because this is a movie

[58:17] that was made

[58:18] during the war.

[58:19] The war still had

[58:21] a number of years,

[58:22] three years to go

[58:23] and they,

[58:25] but there's this sense

[58:26] of this is what,

[58:28] this might happen

[58:29] and England is ready for it.

[58:30] It's a really suspenseful film

[58:31] and really well made.

[58:32] Went the day well.

[58:33] I like it a lot

[58:33] and I'm going to throw in

[58:34] a plug for a new film

[58:36] which I think is playing,

[58:38] might be playing festivals

[58:39] or might be playing

[58:40] at a theater near you

[58:41] eventually called

[58:42] Adjust Your Tracking,

[58:44] The Untold Story

[58:44] of the VHS Collector

[58:45] and it is a documentary

[58:47] about guys who are

[58:48] obsessed with collecting

[58:49] VHS tapes,

[58:50] mainly horror tapes.

[58:51] Let's just cut to the chase.

[58:53] These guys collect

[58:54] horror tapes on VHS

[58:55] but they've amassed

[58:56] huge collections

[58:57] and they're funny characters

[58:58] and there's a lot

[58:59] of funny moments

[59:00] in the documentary

[59:01] and if it's playing near you,

[59:03] if you like this podcast,

[59:04] you may get a kick out of it.

[59:05] So adjust your tracking

[59:06] and Went the Day Well

[59:07] which is available on DVD.

Dan McCoy

[59:09] I would like to recommend

[59:10] a movie that does not need

[59:13] my endorsement

[59:14] and I am fully aware of this

[59:15] so do not make fun of me,

[59:17] AV Club commenters.

[59:19] You will.

[59:19] That's a little film

[59:20] called Casablanca

[59:22] which I re-watched

[59:24] while on vacation

[59:26] just recently.

[59:27] That's right.

Elliott Kalan

[59:27] Dan went on vacation.

[59:28] and then watched a movie.

Dan McCoy

[59:29] Yeah, well no,

[59:30] it was one night.

Elliott Kalan

[59:31] A movie is a little

[59:32] like a vacation

[59:33] in your normal life.

[59:34] It was a fucking evening

Dan McCoy

[59:35] like I was in my hotel room.

[59:37] I watched Casablanca

[59:39] with my wife

[59:39] who had never seen it

[59:40] and I feel comfortable

[59:42] recommending it

[59:43] because I feel like

[59:44] as film history

[59:46] stretches out

[59:47] that even the

[59:48] most acknowledged classics

[59:50] of the movie world

[59:53] become less and less seen

[59:55] just because there are

[59:56] more movies

[59:56] and Casablanca

[59:57] is a movie

[59:58] that deserves

[59:58] to be seen

[59:59] because like

[59:59] Citizen Kane

[1:00:00] it is a great movie

[1:00:01] that is not

[1:00:02] taking your medicine

[1:00:03] at all.

[1:00:03] It is completely

[1:00:04] entertaining.

[1:00:06] It's a great romance.

[1:00:07] It also has war themes

[1:00:09] to tie it in

[1:00:10] with Red Dawn

[1:00:11] and it just feels like

[1:00:12] Warner Brothers

[1:00:13] opened up the floodgates

[1:00:15] of every great character actor

[1:00:17] it happened to have

[1:00:17] amazing cast.

[1:00:18] It was an amazing cast

[1:00:18] on the studio lot

[1:00:20] at that time

[1:00:20] and just like

[1:00:21] set them loose

[1:00:22] in a great movie.

[1:00:24] So watch Casablanca.

[1:00:25] It's fun.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:27] And I'm also going

[1:00:28] to recommend a movie

[1:00:29] about an invasion

[1:00:30] of a man's home.

[1:00:31] I recently watched Shame

[1:00:33] starring Michael Fassbender

[1:00:34] who plays

[1:00:36] Wait, is that

[1:00:36] a bi-invasion?

[1:00:38] Who plays

[1:00:38] a New York

[1:00:40] executive type

[1:00:43] who's also a sex addict

[1:00:44] and copes with

[1:00:45] his sister moving in

[1:00:46] with him.

[1:00:47] Oh.

[1:00:47] He lives a very

[1:00:48] controlled lifestyle

[1:00:49] based around his weird

[1:00:50] sex addiction.

Dan McCoy

[1:00:51] He was invaded

[1:00:52] by having a lot of sex.

[1:00:54] Oh man,

[1:00:54] Venus invades a lot of people.

Stuart Wellington

[1:00:56] Now,

[1:00:56] you might think

[1:00:57] that I watched it

[1:00:58] to see a bunch of

[1:00:59] wiener flopping around.

[1:01:00] That wasn't really

[1:01:01] the reason.

[1:01:02] But that's what

[1:01:04] you stayed for.

[1:01:04] Yeah,

[1:01:05] that's what kept me

[1:01:06] in the seat.

[1:01:08] And yeah,

[1:01:09] it's kind of

[1:01:11] slow,

[1:01:12] it's well shot.

[1:01:13] There's,

[1:01:14] I don't know.

[1:01:16] It's good.

[1:01:16] Watch it.

[1:01:18] It's rated X,

[1:01:19] I think.

[1:01:20] Sure.

[1:01:20] If that makes it

[1:01:21] more enticing.

[1:01:22] Yeah,

Dan McCoy

[1:01:23] it's just like

[1:01:23] The Devil in Miss Jones.

[1:01:24] Come on.

[1:01:26] I don't know,

[1:01:26] I was just trying

[1:01:26] to pull out

[1:01:27] an old X-rated film.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:28] Do you say

[1:01:28] The Devil in Miss Jones

[1:01:29] or The Devil and Miss Jones?

[1:01:30] The Devil in Miss Jones.

[1:01:31] Okay,

[1:01:31] because The Devil

[1:01:31] and Miss Jones

[1:01:32] is not a point.

[1:01:32] No,

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:32] I'm aware.

[1:01:33] That's Gene Arthur.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:34] One is a play

[1:01:35] on the other.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:36] Oh,

[1:01:37] they were plays first.

[1:01:38] They're both based

[1:01:39] on the same play

[1:01:39] which was called

[1:01:40] Sex Hell.

[1:01:40] The pornographic play.

[1:01:43] Which I guess

[1:01:43] would just be

[1:01:44] a strip club.

Dan McCoy

[1:01:45] You loved

[1:01:46] the live sex show,

[1:01:47] now see the movie.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:49] Of course,

[1:01:49] due to the production code,

[1:01:50] we had to take out

[1:01:51] most of the sex,

[1:01:52] change the story,

[1:01:53] but we think

[1:01:53] you're still going to

Dan McCoy

[1:01:53] But wait till the 70s

[1:01:55] because oh boy.

Elliott Kalan

[1:01:56] Wait till the future

[1:01:57] because let me tell you

[1:01:59] we're going to be

[1:01:59] making some crazy movies.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:01] Just sit in that seat

[1:02:02] and we'll hyper fast forward

[1:02:03] and you'll grow

[1:02:04] this really cool

[1:02:04] Rip Van Winklebeer

[1:02:05] and then you'll get a boner.

[1:02:08] No,

[1:02:08] too far,

[1:02:09] too far.

[1:02:09] Oh no,

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:09] we's our Daz.

[1:02:12] All right.

[1:02:12] From the Tony Award winning

[1:02:13] producers of

[1:02:14] Behind the Green Door,

[1:02:15] the stage play.

[1:02:17] All right,

[1:02:18] well.

[1:02:18] And Deep Throat

Dan McCoy

[1:02:19] on the ABC TV show.

[1:02:22] It's been fun

[1:02:24] being with you guys

[1:02:24] but now we've got

[1:02:25] to sign off.

[1:02:26] For the Flophouse,

[1:02:27] I've been Dan McCoy.

[1:02:29] I've been Stuart Wellington.

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:31] And I've been

[1:02:32] Elliot Kalin.

Stuart Wellington

[1:02:34] We talked about the movie

[1:02:35] a lot this time, right?

Elliott Kalan

[1:02:36] Well,

[1:02:37] we might have.

[1:02:37] I don't remember.

[1:02:38] I already forgot the movie.

[1:02:39] Wolverines!

[1:02:40] Like a professional.

[1:02:53] I know what I'm going

[1:02:54] to recommend.

[1:02:54] I'm like you,

[1:02:55] who just tells stories

[1:02:55] about what he saw

[1:02:56] on an airplane recently.

[1:02:58] Uh,

[1:02:59] wait a minute.

[1:02:59] I'm going to recommend

[1:03:00] a drink cart.

[1:03:02] I was on an airplane

[1:03:03] recently and it was

[1:03:04] full of delicious alcohol.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:05] Did you know

[1:03:06] that you can get

[1:03:07] full bottles of wine?

[1:03:09] Now,

[1:03:10] they're small bottles.

[1:03:10] Now,

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:10] let me just tell you

[1:03:11] right now.

[1:03:11] The bottles are full

[1:03:12] but they're not

[1:03:12] regular sized bottles.

Dan McCoy

[1:03:14] But that's great.

[1:03:15] It makes you feel

[1:03:15] like you're a giant

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:16] of some kind?

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:17] Of some kind.

[1:03:18] Of some big kind.

[1:03:19] If you drink

Stuart Wellington

[1:03:19] seven of them,

[1:03:21] it's basically

[1:03:22] a normal sized bottle.

Elliott Kalan

[1:03:23] They won't give you

[1:03:24] seven,

[1:03:24] but you can take seven.

[1:03:27] That's why I'm telling you,

[1:03:28] bring a gun

[1:03:28] on board the plane.

[1:03:30] If you have a gun,

[1:03:31] they'll also take

[1:03:31] the plane to Cuba.

[1:03:33] If you want to go there.

The Flop House: Episode #128 - Red Dawn

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